#deciding that she alone isn't to blame and everyone else is isn't going to change the story

[fromtheseventhhell]

Robert, Cersei, and Joffrey watching everyone blame Ned and Arya for Lady's death (and barely talk about Mycah cause who cares about an unimportant low-born boy? 🤪)

Arya committed the horrible crime of wanting to defend her friend and Ned physically carried out the act...after her death had already been decided. Right. It's interesting that of the three, Sansa is the one who gets blamed the least despite George saying she held some responsibility.

He was a bit coy in answering our questions but in the end he did indicate that Sansa did have responsibility for Lady's and Ned's deaths.

I'm not saying she should be blamed but if you're pointing fingers and not including her, then it seems more about personal opinion than the story being told. I'm all for her age being a factor in people not blaming her but it just has to be consistent. It can't be that Sansa shouldn't be blamed because of her age AND that Arya can be held responsible despite being younger. And yes, Ned is an adult, but what does that really mean in this situation? He's going against the Queen, a King who refuses to intervene, and a Prince making accusations while surrounded by Lannister guards and traveling South to become the hand of the King...I'm genuinely wondering what he was expected to do? He'd already taken the best course of action by bringing Sansa to tell the truth about what happened. According to George, her lying had an impact on Lady being killed so...why exactly does he get blamed? Why does Arya? This is the moment that tells us the Lannisters aren't to be trusted and the Starks aren't safe in KL, but who cares about the narrative right? It's really one of those situations when you can tell people are only looking at a scene from the perspective of a specific character.

[howtodrawyourdragon]

I'm gonna say it; Hiccup did nothing wrong. We're treating him as the biggest problem of THW when literally his worst crime in is somehow losing his freckles and that's not even something he has control over. Oh and that kind of incredibly stupid plan of literally moving an entire people by going "let's just fly straight until we hit something :) even though I, Hiccup Haddock, somehow don't believe the world is round."

The entire rest of the movie is everyone else around him being horrible and out of character.

Berk is a mess in the beginning of the movie, yes. But it was also just a year ago that his father was horribly murdered in front of him because Draco Bloodyfist-Or-Whatever decided to sent his mind controled best friend after him. Everybody expects Hiccup to be put together and solve all problems immediately and remain a Dragon Rider when he should be buying a therapist a mansion and a yacht with all those billed sessions.

Then there is being told more than once that he's putting Astrid second when he literally isn't. And told he should meet her standard.s

There is all that stuff about how he's been a horrible pet owner to Toothless when he had legitimate and real fears about Toothless not making it out in wild and about the Light Fury turning on him and about him not coming back. (Like... he's a disabled dragon, for Gods' sake??? Toothless will literally NOT make it without human intervention)

He's called out for not embracing change when his name was literally synonymous with change before THW and every bit of change he proposes in the movie is met with backlash unless Astrid, their not-chief, says it's okay.

His mother, who abandoned him for 20 and came home with him after the traumatic loss of his father spends most of the movie not being the mother she promised him to be in the second movie and even advocated for the Riders to be less dependent on dragons when she was with dragons for the entirety of those 20 years.

And then there is all the bullying. Making fun of his voice, telling him- a disabled person- to LOSE THE LIMP, telling him he's not worthy of Astrid the warrior goddess (completely forgetting how Hiccup is both parts warrior and diplomat in at least the previous two movies, let alone the movies and the shows) and these three things are all said by Tuffnut! "Forgets he has a sister in THW" Tuffnut!

And let's not forget Snotlout's "who died and made you chief?!" when Snotlout was literally crying at Stoick's funeral. And then proceeds to hit on the dead man's wife and his best friend's mother while also putting said best friend down!

Like... none of the things said to him in the first movie were as bad as some of the things said in THW.

The entire movie is also basically Hiccup being pulled from one direction to the other.

It's "You're a bad chief because you're not changing anything" yet it's also "how dare you make this change!"

It's "you should step up as chief" yet it's also "we will only listen if Astrid says it's good."

It's "you were literally keeping Toothless captive for 6 years :/" yet it's also "Uuuhhh, time to cut the umbilical cord, don't you think? 🙄"

It's "you let Toothless go free, what did you expect?" yet also "uh, you let him go???"

It's "you are literally nothing without Toothless, sorry :/" yet it's also "Toothless only showed you what was already inside."

It's "you should put Astrid first for once" yet it's also "I, Hiccup, will literally listen to every single word you, Astrid, says even if it's hurtful."

It's "I, Astrid, will suggest to you, Hiccup, that we go find Toothless in the hidden world" yet it's also "I, Astrid, will blame you, Hiccup, for deciding to go to the Hidden World, making the Light Fury, who you have no control over, to follow us back home"

It's "hey man, can you help me with this dragon tail? :(" yet it's also "I will literally not listen to you when I'm about to break this branch that I and the dragon tail are on."

I mean, my God! I'd sent the dragons away if I had to listen to that for the past year after I watched my father die a gruesome death.

And that's not even the worst part. The worst part is Toothless abandoning Hiccup for the most shallow reason there is; chasing dragon tail that doesn't even want anything to do with him unless he does something that impresses her when he's the king of the dragons.

So yeah, probably an unpopular opinion, but besides one bad plan, Hiccup did nothing wrong besides listen to what all the people around him were saying, no matter how much they contradict themselves.

Really, what he needs is a hug. A Real one. :(

[salllzy]

Sal's ramblings #1

One of the issues that plague me is too many ideas, as I work on fics I always get ideas for other fics. So here is one. Alastor is part angel and he despises it, partly due to the fact that they aren't the good guys that everyone on earth seems to think that they are. So he hides the fact that he is part angel, he loved his mother but he is well aware that their angel heritage brought them nothing but pain and trouble. But no matter how much he loves his mother he refuses to fall into the same trappings as her. She had married a monster of a man all because she had formed a bond with him and he despised her for it. It is the only thing that he has never forgiven her for, she could have married anyone else. He didn't care that he wouldn't have existed, she would have been happy and alive. Not beaten to death before his 11th birthday.

But he knows that despite his best efforts he cannot escape it forever, angels form bonds and it is something that he cannot escape. So anytime he feels a bond forming he snaps it and keeps snapping them until they stop forming. So imagine his horror when he finds out that he is beginning to form bonds with those who live at the hotel, as an Overlord he cannot have such a blatant weakness, but as Alastor? He refuses to be chained and that is what he sees the bonds as. Chains.

It doesn't matter that they are meant to be symbols of his love and care for them, he had seen what bonds could do. His mother was a perfect example of that. Then it all goes tits up when Heaven finds out that his grandfather is a high-ranking angel (Uriel) and that he should never have been in Hell, to begin with, but he isn't as accepting as they want him to be. So they try to use the idea that he could have bonds with them. That they could be family. And Alastor just loses it. He hacks his wings off in front of everyone and tosses them to a horrified Sera and Emily. "There, now you have something to take back." Every angel is horrified, Lucifer and Vaggie know the pain of having their wings removed and Alastor had just done it willingly in front of everyone. Then he just leaves.

Alastor's mother is in tears as she explains that it had been his father's favourite way to punish Alastor, to remove his wings whenever he felt like it and it just makes things worse because Alastor had been a child. She then tries to explain that Alastor never had any bonds as a human, she had looked in on Alastor a few times when she lived in Heaven. As much as she hated what her son had become and the actions that he had taken, he was still her son. But she also knows that Alastor won't allow himself to form bonds with anyone, regardless of who they are and she knows that she is to blame for that.

Alastor doesn't want to go to Heaven and he has no plans to do so, but he knows that Heaven won't leave well enough alone. So to prove his point, he decides to slaughter his way through the Pride Ring, killing those that he knows deserve it. He doesn't kill those of fairer means after all. In the end, Lucifer kicks them out when it becomes clear that Alastor isn't going to stop and will keep going. But it also gives Lucifer an idea, he has been looking for a replacement for Lilith. It is clear that she isn't coming back and has no intentions of being in Charlie's life. But Alastor? Alastor has already proven that despite him not believing in Charlie's dreams, he will still support her, which is far more than what Lilith ever did. So Lucifer begins to slowly court Alastor, he has no intentions of changing Alastor. It was Alastor's fire and defiance that caused Lucifer to fall in love with Alastor after all. But that doesn't mean that he can't twist things to his advantage. Alastor is unaware that this is happening and when he feels a bond begin to form with Lucifer, he tries to snap it. Only it doesn't snap. Which causes him to panic, he won't be chained, he refuses to be chained. Lucifer is the King of Hell, the damage that he could do to Alastor isn't something that Alastor wants to dwell on. But the more the bond strengthens the more fearful Alastor is, he knows it is only a matter of time until Lucifer reveals his true colours. Only for Lucifer to reveal that he had it wrong the whole time, that Lucifer had no intentions of harming him, he never did. But he would like to court Alastor.

[crippling-pages]

reasons to ship Tiana (tam and biana) <3

@innereverblaze You asked to be convinced on which ship (Tiana or Dexiana) you should ship, and I am here convincing you to ship Tiana. This is also there for anyone else wondering why I ship Tiana or why YOU should ship Tiana. Thank you.

*cracks neck* Okay lets do this

Tiana is the pairing between Tam and Biana, and their ship is AMAZINGGG. These are just a few of the tropes in their ship

Grumpy/sunshine

Opposites Attract

Emo/Bright

Introvert/Extrovert

Popular/Outcast

These are their main tropes, though there are a ton of other smaller tropes too! (Ex: Rain/Sunshine, Sun/Moon, Talks A Lot/Will Listen (for me, I hc that that one can go for both).

Moving on to moments in the book; it's a fact that all the boys (Dex, Keefe, and Fitz) had/has a crush on Sophie. One after another, they each picked Sophie. All three of them. But, when we meet Tam, instead of falling for Sophie like the others, he notices Biana. The moment being when Keefe says, "The Foster Fan club is closed" or something like that, Tam blushes says he isn't interested, then proceeding to glance at Biana,which shows that he may be interested in Biana, not Sophie. He doesn't like Sophie right away like the others did, he sees Biana and he likes Biana. And Biana has always had a problem, not being noticed or seen. She was the 3rd child of a famous family; Alvar was the oldest and already doing great things (to their knowledge), and Fitz was a super powerful Telepath. And she was just Biana, at the time. When people saw her, it was for her status or her brother. And when Sophie came along (wanna be clear that I'm not blaming Sophie; forever a Sophie stan), everyone started to talk about Sophie, including her own brother and former crush. Now it seemed like one of the few parts of recognition she got was given to Sophie, the mysterious and multi-abilities girl with humorous talent, and everyone was thinking about her. And then we meet Tam. Like I said before, Tam takes interest into Biana. Before the crew officially meets Tam and Linh, Tam contacts Biana this time, to contact the others. He could've chosen any of the others, expect he chose Biana. And since then, he's always been Biana > Sophie.

And Biana does similar to Tam. When Sophie and Fitz go to visit Tam and Linh in the beginning of the book during Lodestar, they come back and Biana complains, saying that they were lucky and this implies that she wanted to see Tam again too. Later in the book, when Sophie, Dex, Fitz, and Biana go to visit Wylie, they spot Tam reading in the sitting area, and Biana changes her mind and goes to sit next to Tam. She smiles, and then says, I quote, "Plus, I haven't seen you in forever!" Note the fact that she says "you," not "you and Linh." Biana was excited to see Tam again that she decided to say there with him instead of doing what their original objective was. Tam replies to this, smiling shyly. After all, no one has ever wanted to be with him before. He was a twin and a shade as a child, and both were taken as bad things, so he probably was very alone as a child, with no friends or anyone other than Linh to talk too. But now, he sees Biana wanting to talk to him, choosing to sit down and catch up, saying upfront that she missed him. None of the other people in the group have really directly talked to Tam before (for the whole series, if I may add) that isn't for Neverseen or Black Swan related purposes. Continuing on, Tam replies to Biana (again, smiling shyly), "I hear we'll be seeing more of each other soon." (That could be recognized as flirting but I don't think Tam knows what flirting is during this moment of time so it's probably not). This suggests that he is actually excited and eager to see Biana more often, and as we know form Tam, he doesn't that excited often. From these moments and interactions, we can confirm that both Biana and Tam, ever since first meeting, find interest in each other and want to learn more about the other and want to see each other more, are are excited when they get to be together.

There are another handful of moments in Lodestar between them, but there are two more that stand out to me the most. (Three, technically). One is the oh so famous scene when the group is at the Exilium training area, and they're talking about Marella, and the Biana points out that Marella is staring at Tam. There are a few other comments by the others. Tam himself is surprised, by this, and simply says "Okay" and lets the topic go. Biana, however, does not. She says something along the lines of, "Okay? That's it? That's all you have to say?" implying that she's shocked that Tam doesn't have another say on this, and he starts blushing at Biana questions, since they hint that she's eager to know what he really thinks. This can also be seen as possibly jealousy; She sees Marella staring at Tam, and giving him a flirty smile; she'd want to know if Tam finds her cute in return, or that he might be interested in her, and the thought of that makes her jealous. Tam is saved from responding, because Linh speaks up and says "He doesn't like her. He likes brunettes." She says this smirking, and directing it at Biana. This may mean that she's trying to subtly tell Biana that Tam finds her cute, or pretty. Tam then says, "Gross, why do you know that?" Note that he isn't denying it. He isn't saying that he doesn't like them, he's asking why Linh knows this. Linh then says, "Because you aren't as sly as you think you are." This could mean that Linh has noticed how Tam acts around Biana. She noticed how he looked at her in Neverseen after being asked about joining the Foster Fan Club, then denying it. Maybe Tam has looked at Biana other times that weren't noticed by Sophie, but by Linh.

Another moment is when Biana tells Sophie that she and Tam found something in the Silver Towers. Sophie asks what she meant by her and Tam, since to Sophie's knowledge, only Tam was was working there, and Biana explains that she went to visit Tam early that day. This suggests that Biana wanted to see Tam again. As I said earlier, Biana was and is eager to see Tam again, and this is another moment being proof of it. Along with this bit, Tam had to spend hours in the Silvers Towers per day, so that means that Biana got to spend hours alone with Tam, and they probably had learned much more about each other and had gotten closer. Later, when they're in the Silver Towers, Biana says to Tam, I quote, "Go on. Show them how cool you are." Tam blushes at this. As the statement says, Biana thinks Tam cool, and that matches up with Biana wanting to spend more time with him. This is also another time Biana has complimented him (she once complimented him about his ability in Neverseen ,calling it an 'anti-vanish'). Tam is insecure about ability, hence likely being judge a lot as a kid and his parents being disgusted, and with Biana constantly telling him its impressive and cool, he starts to feel less bad about it and left insecure.

There are a few more moments in Lodestar, but for now I shall be moving onto Nightfall, quite possibly the book with the most Tiana moments, and I'll be doing them in bullet points so I don't have to write anymore paragraphs so it'll be easier for you to read. (Hence there are a lot, we'll be doing the biggest and my personal favorites)

Nightfall Moments (With page numbers)

On page 217, when Forkle takes about sending Tam and Linh back into Foxfire, Biana squeals and gets excited, saying that they'd see each other more, hang out during study hall and team up in PE. This is another moment showing that Biana gets happy and excited at the thought of spending more time with Tam.

Page 384, when Sophie, Fitz, Tam, Biana, Livvy and Grady are in the Forbidden Cities, Biana points out that a bunch of girls are staring at Tam. This is similar to what she did when Marella was looking at Tam.

Page 387, Biana tells Sophie that she and Tam didn't find anything in Candleshade; Candleshade is big, with hundreds of floors; it would take hours and many days to search, so that would mean that Biana and Tam would have spent even more time together, just the two of them alone. Again. Multiply times. During these times, they've definitely have gotten much closer and know much more about each other. (At this point, I feel like they've definitely gotta a crush on each other.)

Page 397; when Biana, Sophie and Tam are talking about what they should wear when sneaking into Nightfall, Sophie says "What about Tam?" and Biana replies saying that he'll be alright if he "ditches his shirt." This implies that Biana wants to see what Tam looks like without a shirt on; this is also likely Biana subtly flirting with Tam. Tam is embarrassed, and says that he'll get cold, ever the oblivious.

Page 442; Marella says that Biana is possessive of her brother, and Biana replies that she isn't possessive, and that she doesn't like it girls use her to get to her brother, since to them, Fitz is the best looking boy in the school. She then says to Tam, "Linh must know how that feels." And that suggests that Biana thinks that it is very good looking, or just as good looking as Fitz, and that a lot of girls would go up to Linh because they would want to get closer to Tam. This again, could be Biana subtly flirting.

Page 447; I feel like people sleep on this one a lot. It's when they're trying to figure out where to put Alvar after finding him in Nightfall. Tam says that Choralmere could work, since it be unexpected and the Neverseen wouldn't expect it. It's basically Tam subtly saying to Biana "I'll bring your almost dead brother to my abusive home for you even if I really don't want to go see my parents and house again but it okay because your more important and I care about you."

Pages 451-452; Possibly the most underrated Tiana moment in the series, and it's when Tam and Biana talk about the the cruelty of Tam and Linh's parents, and what their parents did to the them. Biana brings up how screwed society is, and how she feels bad about how her life is/was almost perfect, and that it's that way because of the "Vacker Legacy." She said that she wished she could like others in bad situations, like in the one Tam and Linh were in. Tam comforts her, telling her that she doesn't need to feel bad, saying that it wasn't her fault. He said that she didn't know how bad the world was, that not a lot of people do. This makes Biana feel a lot better, thanks to Tam. (Not gonna lie, Sophie third wheeled in this scene.)

Page 457; Another minor one, but while they were talking about Alvar, Biana's eyes start to tear up and she moves to go look at the portrait of Tam. She was in a room full of art, with many pieces and decorations, yet she decided to look at the painting of Tam.

Page 474; This is my favorite moment in the series (I made a post about it, you should check it out!). It's when Tam stops and notices that his portrait was re-painted, and Biana says that she did it. It shows how Biana disliked the portrait, and that she didn't believe it represented Tam right. Even though it wasn't hers, and that it belonged to Tam's mother, she spent time and repainted it. I feel this says a lot about what Biana thinks of Tam. (It was basically was: Biana: *repaints the picture of you your mom made because I didn't like it and because it wasn't truly you and you're amazing and should be recognized as you are now not as you were before or like how your abusive parents see you as*). Physic/Livvy also says "not to spoil the moment" implying that Tam and Biana were having a moment.

There are a few other, smaller moments in the book, but these are the biggest and main moments. To my memory, Flashback has two moments and they're minor, but still say a lot.

It's when someone says that Tam should look in Everglen for clues and stuff, but Fitz says that his parents might not let him because of Alvar. Tam replies saying, "Don't worry. Biana would let me in." That means, despite the Alvar situation, Biana would still let Tam inside Everglen to search around. She also decided to help him.

Around the end of the book, when they're fighting the Neverseen, Umber shoots an arrow of shadowflux at Biana. Not Linh, who we knows means a lot to Tam. Not Linh, who Tam would sacrifice his life for. Umber didn't shoot the arrow at Linh, but at Biana. This could mean that Umber sensed how much Biana meant to Tam, and that he might've cared for her as much as he did for Linh.

Flashback was more of a Sophitz/Sokeefe book, so there wasn't a lot. Moving on to Legacy, there were a surprising about of moments, despite Tam not even being there. (Note that I haven't read Legacy, and that it's my least favorite book in the series, followed by Stellarlune.) I don't remember much from Legacy, but I do now some vague moments, but otherwise these won't be that good and that accurate.

Biana has mentioned, a handful of times, about getting Tam back. When she can, she brings up Tam. This means that even when he's not there, she thinks about him.

There was a few scenes in the book where Biana says that she misses Tam.

There's this one scene, and it's when Sophie and Biana are talking, and Sophie's "Happy Shadow Thoughts" t-shirt is brought up. Biana says how she really wanted to get one. This suggests Biana saying that she wanted to have the shirt because it was about/related to Tam. (She trails off, after saying that she wanted a shirt of her own, a look of longing and sadness appear son her face.) Biana and Sophie also talk about Tam's kidnapping, and Sophie comforts her.

After everyone walks up from being knocked out during Keefe's transformation, Sophie says that Tam will help them, and when Biana wakes up, the first thing she says is "Tam?" Since we already know that Biana missed Tam a ton, one can only assume that one of the first things she did after Sophie left was go and hug Tam...

And that's that for Legacy. (I swear that only good parents in Legacy was when it was about Tam).

Moving on, we have Unlocked and Stellarlune. Unlocked has this one moment (though it is a VERY important one), while Stellarlune doesn't have any Tiana (or Dexiana) moments. Let's do Unlocked.

In Unlocked, on page 676, Fitz teases Biana for rushing up the stairs to Solreef. He says that "she's dying to see Tam" and then stage-whispers to Sophie "My sister' a fan of silver bangs." While this is two facts for the price of one (that Biana missed Tam a whole lot, and that Biana finds Tam cute and likes his bangs), what Biana says next is "Really, Fitz? You want to talk about crushes?" And this is important, because Biana, sweetheart, when the hell did Fitz mention ANYTHING about crushes??? Hmm? When?? *proceeds to jump up and down because this literally confirms that Biana has a crush on Tam* (Biana also then blushes bright red after what Fitz said, and I quote from Sophie, "which was either embarrassment or confirmation. Or both." And we all know that when an author says "or both" 98% of the time, it is both.)

And that is that. All (almost all) of the Tam and Biana moments in the series, along with in-depth analysis for each.

Furthermore (yes, I'm not done), let's talk about the characters themselves.

Tam's character is shown as the stoic, quiet, and 'emo' character (he isn't actually emo, though. He's just seen that way because of stereotypes). Biana is the sparkly, bright, and the princess of the series. Their opposites. But they also have a ton in common!

Both have siblings (trust me, you can relate about siblings)

Both have expectations from society and their parents

Both have once been hated on (Biana with the Alvar situation, and Tam... in general.)

Both are underrated and underappreciated people.

Both can be snarky at times.

Both are stereotyped (Tam being a Shade and people automatically assuming he's evil/not a good person; Biana being a spoiled princess because she's the daughter of a powerful family.)

Both are important and valuable people.

Literal icons. They're so icon.

BAMF duo.

Traumatized.

There are other kinds of similarities between the two, but these are the main ones.

Either way, both would bring out the best in each other. Biana's brightness would bring out Tam's, and Tam would help Biana become more confident with herself. They would help each other with their trauma, comfort each other, and just help each be the best they can be. Tam would be able to talk to her about the Neverseen, and his parents, and Biana could talk to Tam about her scars, and Alvar. They even each other out and help each other be better. All in all, they're good for each other and would make each very happy.

And finally, here are some my Tiana headcanons to show you how cute they are <3

Biana buys Tam bouquets or flowers. One time, Tam mentioned that he liked flowers, and the next day, she arrived at Solreef, blushing a very bright red, and handed Tam a bouquet. Linh had to deal with a happily dazed and swooning Tam for a full 15 minutes.

They have movie nights at Solreef. (Solreef has a mini theater for when they watch human movies.) They'll cuddle up on the couch together, laughing and having fun, and falling asleep.

They are the MOST competitive people you will ever meet. On their own, they're competitive, but together, oh boy is it dangerous to be on the other side. Almost everything is a competition. Sometimes they've had to sit out in Base Quest because they made it too much of a deal. Sometimes the crew does Tam and Biana vs. Everyone else (Tam and Biana almost always win).

Tam's ticklish. Like, really ticklish. Biana's one of two people who knows (the other is Linh, though she doesn't really acknowledge it anymore) and she 100% uses it to her advantage. If she wants to go shopping but Tam's being a bit lazy, she'll just carefully graze her fingers on his side... Or sometimes she just wants to see Tam laugh. It makes her feel good. She loves him laughing, and smiling, and giggling. She gets all warm and fuzzy inside. ...Or when she's just bored.

Tam designs and makes clothing for Biana. (I headcanon that he's obsessed with clothing and fashion, like Biana is.) After Biana got her scars, he promised her that he'd show her that they can and are beautiful. A few weeks later, he comes to Everglen, and hands Biana one of the most gorgeous dresses she's ever seen. It was because of seeing how beautiful she looked in the dress did she start realizing that her scars were a part of her now.

Physical touch is probably their biggest love language. Like, no matter where they are, they need to be in some kind of contact. Walking in Atlantis? Arm around waist. Black Swan meeting? Hand holding. Lunch with the crew? Hand on knee/thigh.

Tam has very unnoticeable freckles around his cheeks, and sometimes Biana will just stare at Tam from across the room, counting them. (To be fair, she'd stare at him either way.)

Biana gives Tam a ton of compliments. He's never really been complimented as a child, or even now, so when they start dating, Biana's 10x more open about complimenting Tam. She'll start casually calling him "pretty" or "amazing" or "literally the best person in the entire world" etc etc. And since Tam isn't used to it, he almost always gets all blushy and shy and giggly about it.

Every time Biana hears Keefe joke about Tam being 'shady' and 'darkness in the flesh' she's smirking to herself because the Tam she knows is literally the cutest, funniest, and most adorable thing she's ever seen.

Tam's 6'2 and Biana's just about 5'5 (when they're completely grown). Tam teases her about being short.

Tam takes Biana out on dates in Atlantis often. He knows how much she loves shopping, so they'll go to a few shops and look around, and he'll get her a few things.

They're the biggest on cuddles. It's the most important thing EVER to them. They won't (intentionally) do it when others are around. Neither of big fans of that much PDA. But when its just them, CUDDLES <3

Tam's ace, so kisses are rare coming from him, and it makes Biana flustered. Sometimes, he'll kiss her just to see her blush.

They secretly date for the longest time ever, and at one point, they just don't care anymore and are way more open about their relationship in front of everyone. And obviously, they don't tell anyone about the sudden switch, so everyone's like "??? What??? When did they get so close??"

They love each other so freaking much and I ship them so hard I could EXPLODE

And you have it <3 Why I ship Tiana, and why YOU should too <3 thank you.

(tagging because I can): @keefe--sencen @swans-chirping-in-the-distance @frizzle-mcshizzle @theleopardstalker )

[dirtytransmasc]

Yes, she decided. The moment she continued to go in his chamber, she could advice him to wed laena instead of trying to have a relationship with him, she could have remember him of his duty. She had a choice as everyone has

clearly logic is something that will not reach you no matter what I say but let's try again shall we.

first off, Viserys married for pleasure, not power or political gain. he knew his duties he knew what was best and had no interest. he married Alicent because that's what he wanted. it would be insanely inappropriate for a girl to advise a king on political matters AND it should not be the job of a 14 year old child to tell a king what he should be doing.

second off, she had a father to please, cause again, to reiterate, she was his daughter and she had a duty to him and her house. this was not a duty she wanted, but she didn't have a choice. she was young but se wasn't stupid she knew what her father expected of her, and if word got back from Viserys that she was actively advising him to marry someone else, she would then not only bring disobeying her father but going against him.

thirdly, and more minorly, "she should have pushed him to marry laena" isn't the gotcha you think it is. laena was even younger than her, and even if it was politically expected of him, still fucking gross.

lastly, cause I apparently can't stress this enough, SHE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE, plain and simple. she had no agency, she had no power, she had no out, she was at the mercy of her father, she had to obey him, she had to do what he said, even if it meant walking herself to slaughter. once she met with the king, he took a liking to her and DEMANDED her presence, he the DEMANDED her hand. again, there was no point she could have said no. she couldn't say no to her father, she couldn't advise the king (he barely tolerated it when she was literally the queen, let alone if she had just been some girl entertaining him in his chambers), she couldn't deny the king of anything, she didn't have a choice.

she was 14 and scared, 14 and trying to survive, 14 and trying to please her father, 14 and sent to a man 3 times her age's chambers, 14 and lusted after by the king, 14 and knowing of her place in the world and what was expected of her. like every other woman in their history, she couldn't escape, she couldn't, there's no plainer way to say it. she faced her duty with poise and a stiff lip, cause that's what you had to do, but she was just a child.

you can't expect her to have been some radical icon, there were none, women who went against their station in life were punished or killed or put into god awful betrothals to lessen the shame brought to her family. she was a nobleman's daughter, she had a house to bring honor to. she did the heartbreaking thing of giving up, for the benefit of her father and house, doesn't mean she wanted it, doesn't mean it was ok, doesn't mean she isn't deserving of pity. giving in to your duty =/= wanting it.

"she had a choice as everyone has" she had a choice every woman has; accept it with grace, be forced into it, or damn herself to a fate much worse (and that's being generous, most didn't even have that many choices). it's the men who had choices, Otto offered his daughter up, he didn't have to, he had no obligation and nothing to lose if he didn't. Viserys had every choice, he could have married whoever he wanted, he could have denied her the second she entered his chambers. the men in her life had every choice to change her fate, yet they didn't take it, and you would rather blame her over them?

and listen, I know your set in your mindset of victim blaming a child bride who was raped until her husband didn't have the health or stamina to keep it up, and that you'll choose to blame her over the men in her life who damned her to such a fate. nothing I say will ever convince you, cause you clearly hate her past where logic will reach. you can keep sending asks with your terrible takes that have no backing or logic and actively ignore the political and societal state of the times and what it means for her as a young noble girl, and I'll keep answering them cause I have nothing better to do and I'll defend my girl to the grave.

[darkbluekies]

Jerry asks #1

Next one

Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3 Warnings: yandere

Ok I must know how would jerry react if her s/o got a cat name tom so when the day comes her s/o just goes tom, jerry get over here

She'd want to smack you in the back of the neck. She has had enough of your 'funny pranks'.

"You think you're really funny, don't you?" she'd mutter with her arms crossed. "Such a clever litte thing, aren't you? Rename the cat or get rid of it. As long as you look at me as a joke, baby, I will treat you like one. Deal?"

If you laughed, you'd get the sternest gaze right back at you.

just read cat & mouse and wow I’m officially a Jerry simp

Good, me too >:)

In the Silas V Jerry debate it's Jerry 1000000% I love a hot murderous woman! Will we see more of her?

Hahahah same, jerry is the best<3333 there will 100% be more with Jerry!!

I wonder… what would happen if Jerry ever became the boss? Is Silas her boss or are they from two different mafias?

The only reason why Jerry isn't the boss is because if she was, she'd have so much more work to do. She's lazy and wants to drink. But if she was the boss, she'd get her gang in so much trouble because she's not having a consequense thinking. She'll do what she wants and deal with the trouble later.

I haven't specified if Silas is her boss, that's up for you to interpret ;)

I love Jerry so much! I was actually scrolling through some reels on YouTube and come across a "Sigma Girl" reel by CRAZY GREAPA that for some reason reminded me so much of how I imagine Jerry in my head when I read your writing. Specifically this one: https://youtu.be/C-G_pHgQE3g I thought I'd share it with you just cause lol

omg yes i've seen her!!! i really like her lmao. She's a bit to the image I see her as too!!

Okay so we see jerry with the talkative and affectionate reader but what about everyone else? Like how would they react when reader goes from super affectionate to absolutely 0% snuggle

She'll be confused about your sudden change, but will try to give you what you need. If you suddenly want her gone, she'll move away but don't you worry, she will be back soon. She hasn't had enough and if you think that you can control Jerry then you're wrong.

"I left you alone for ten minutes. Ten minutes are a lot of time. Open your arms now so I can hug you, i'm not asking."

Sorry to bother but in the ask where reader becomes quiet and unaffectionate you mentioned jerry being wrong, do you mean as in she knows she was wrong to treat reader in that way?

asks it's referring to

Yes, she feels bad about it, but won't admit it. She'll try to shift the blame to you, saying that "You shouldn't have annoyed me" and "it's not my fault I snapped" but deep inside she knows she shouldn't ever shout at you. She loves to hear you talk about everything and nothing at the same time. She has too much of an ego to apologize.

I need more jerry content 😭😭Imagine when jerry kidnaps her s/o the s/o decided to be smart and play along with her for a couple of years. The trust is built and yada yada yada. And then one day jerry comes home and see that s/o is gone. At first she wouldn’t think anything of it bc she has trust in them but then realizes (pretty quickly) that they aren’t coming back…Also, Jerry s/o and Silas s/o play dates?

Poor Jerry. She doesn't get stressed-stressed often, but when she realises that you're actually gone, she'll be scared. But don't worry, she won't waste time, she'll go out look for you.

and yes, playdates for days.

I want jerry to suffocate me😁😁

same :,)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I'm curious - you think (most likely correctly) that the Cullens will have to go off the grid forever sooner or later, and also that the coven will eventually break apart due to their deepening personal issues, and also that Bella and Edward will break up spectacularly. What do you think this particular version of Bella would then do if she miraculously woke up as a human back in 2005, on the day before she told her mum that she wanted to move to Forks?

The Cullens are doomed to go off the grid and it will destroy them due to interpersonal drama.

Depends how exactly it happens, almost down to the minute detail, because ah that will inform who Bella can blame.

A Look at Bella

The last we see of Bella, she's a nineteen-year-old vampire who is, for lack of a better word, not that introspective or empathetic. Throughout the series, Bella has a difficult time to see things from others points of view.

What this means is that, at the end of canon, she supports Renesmee and Jacob's romantic relationship despite the very glaring red flags surrounding that entire mess, puts her daughter with super hearing in her and Edward's Marie Antoinette style sex cabin, is quite happy to have proven Rosalie wrong and become a marvelous vampire, and is quite happy to have considered herself reaching the peak part of life forever.

What I'm saying is that this isn't a girl inclined to deep analysis of her situation, those around her, and herself.

When things go wrong, Bella's not going to see this as due to miscommunication/interpersonal relationship issues that have always been there but are just now coming to a head, she's going to try to blame a) some event that's happened b) a person or group of people.

She's going to prefer not to blame herself as, unless things go very sideways, I don't see her taking an action that she would see as bringing about disaster.

Who Dunnit

Depends what happened.

First, we have the reason they had to go off the grid. Did Carlisle just decide it's time and the family agreed? In that case, Bella's going to feel more than a little ire at Carlisle and see him as the start of the madness (at least, depends what happens next).

Did Alice get caught for money laundering and fraud?

Did someone mess up and they couldn't cover it up? In that case Emmett, Alice, Esme, are likely to get the blame. (Bella herself is a contender, and in this case, she blames herself horribly and never quite recovers and probably implodes.)

Alright, they're now in the wilderness, if nothing else had changed Bella would be fine with this, mostly. She'd be very upset about the lack of money and things (as that's half of what being a Cullen is about) but she can still run around in Chanel so long as she's careful not to ruin it and she still has Edward and the Cullens.

However.

Who says Jacob can't come?

The family's going to sit down and tell Jacob that uh he's not going off the grid with them. Please, for the love of god, Jacob, live your own life. Bella will lose it at this.

Really, the whole family gets the blame, but the likely candidates for Bella's rage here are Rosalie and Carlisle. Carlisle as the patriarch could have put his foot down and had Jacob come (he didn't) and Rosalie is likely one of the most vocal opponents.

Bella will be convinced they're trying to destroy Renesmee's life as they're separating her from her wolf.

This will cause ah much family drama and likely Bella trying to run off to meet her paramour er her daughter's paramour er her daughter's best friend who may or may not end up her lover at an age appropriate time.

Edward will either enable this and try to keep it on the sly to keep Bella happy or else try to stop it so as to keep the family happy. It's likely the former, as if he can keep it from the family, then everyone's happy.

This alone could cause the family implosion and is in the... top ten reasons things would go to hell really. They could avoid this but... it's a very likely candidate.

Our other option is Edward grows tired of Bella in close contact with no distractions. Now, he has no one to cheat with (no smelly humans of appropriate character or Tanya) but that doesn't mean he won't start chafing (especially if Bella's imploding over Jacob, which is 100% happening).

Now, Bella's going to implode further, as Edward's unhappy and she knows it. However, having been in this rodeo, she'll try to tell herself that Edward's trying to protect her again. He has his reasons for treating her this way and it's not true. Eventually, though, she'll conclude that he's gotten bored with her, she'll blame the lifestyle change.

Edward was in love with Bella Cullen, the vampire living her best life in beautiful outfits and a perfect member of his family. He's not in love with a Bella who is a blubbering mess living in a cave.

But none of this answers your question.

Rise and Shine, Campers, Because it's Cold Out There

Bella wakes up and it's 2004 (as Bella moved in early January of 2005). She wakes up in Phoenix Arizona, she's human again, and her mother is married to Phil and pining after him as he's away.

For a good while, at least a day, Bella's a zombie. She just had the most wonderful dream, in which she had the perfect husband, was a mother, the greatest best friend, and the mostly greatest family. She was beautiful, wealthy, graceful and athletic, interesting, important, and intelligent.

Bella's very quick to conclude that it was all a dream.

Because how could any of that have actually happened to her?

Renee notices Bella's acting more depressed than usual but isn't sure what to say about it. It goes unremarked upon.

Bella then realizes that she's faced with the same choice originally. She can stay and make her mother miserable or she can go to Forks again, the date of her original departure growing ever closer.

She doesn't want to go and see that Forks is just like the meadow was: a meaningless place without Edward in it.

However, she can't remain here and ruin her mother's life either.

She must go and confront the truth, let this rest once and for all.

She gets there and HOLY GOD, IT'S EDWARD.

Bella's suddenly hit with every emotion. Profound relief and joy at seeing the Cullens unchanged as always (she's crying at the sight of them, Edward thinks she's a freak), confusion over what's happening and how this even occurred, and then horror that somehow it all got messed up.

Bella doesn't pay much attention to Edward nearly eating her in Biology (she knows he won't do it, after all) and instead tries to figure out what happened and what needs to change.

Well, the way she sees it, most of the real problems came down the road in the form of Google making it impossible to cover up fraud, murder, Dr. Cullen's history as a medical professional, pick your poison.

There's not much Bella can do about that, as much as she doesn't like it.

There was also the Volturi problem, but that's easily solved enough. If Bella never jumps off a cliff, and Alice doesn't think she's dead, then Edward would never go there to kill himself. None of that, of course, would have happened if they'd never broken up in the first place which Edward admitted was a huge mistake.

Similarly with the baseball game, if Bella doesn't go that day, then she never runs into James, he's never killed by the Cullens, and Victoria doesn't swear vengeance and create her newborn army.

(Wow, Bella's on a roll!)

It does not occur to Bella that a) James could still cause problems if he fixated on Alice again which was entirely possible (albeit not likely) b) Edward would very likely still dump her as he was convinced it was the best outcome for her c) Jacob would likely not shift without Victoria's rampage meaning that he would not remain in her life or imprint on Renesmee and become effectively immortal.

Bella continues to think about what went wrong and, again, likely blames some combination of Rosalie and Carlisle. If she can just get Rosalie to calm down about Jacob after Renesmee's born and the Cullens to not have to leave society so early then everything will be perfect!

Otherwise she'll fix all the other little things that went wrong and start dating Edward as soon as possible and not waste those early months of trying to figure out what he is.

Next time Edward shows up, she confesses she knows he's a vampire, she's his future wife (who he impregnated and turned into a vampire), she knows the Cullens are vampires, and Edward doesn't know it yet but they're already deeply in love.

... And, as Edward has been privately looking for an excuse to kill her, likely ah uses this as the temptation proves too strong/he's too alarmed at everything she's saying. Edward murders Bella Swan and the Cullens have to leave town.

[mdhwrites]

Why Hasn't Anyone Corrected Me On Luz Intending To Tell Her Friends She Was Staying?

It has been a real sticking point for me with For the Future that Luz never told her friends, nor intended to, that she was staying in the Human Realm. It was the final nail in Lumity's coffin in my opinion because not only was she letting Amity go off to die, she was ghosting her at the same time. It still made Luz's morality look entirely dead. Like she was a monster who never cared about any of them.

Which, I mean, is still mostly true but it's a little? better now? Because yeah, at the end of the video diary, as a quick blip, she admits to planning to tell her friends that she plans to stay. It's even a scene I'd definitely already seen but somehow EVERYONE who has seen that claim, either here, on my Twitter or on my Discord NEVER caught it. And that does change the context, little as it may.

Because you know... Luz still is deciding that, despite blaming herself for it, she is willing to let EVERYONE die. Because the Collector is a small GOD. What she saw as she ran would be reasonable cause to believe that at least most of the Isles is dead and that there's no way of stopping him. So, instead of like in S1 when she would actually, you know, fix a mistake that she made, she decides to stay. She claims it's learning from her mistake but her 'mistake' is idiotic at best and hardly justifies the idea of completely abandoning her friends to their fate. It would justify asking someone else to lead, to make choices instead of her but uh... That never crosses her mind, does it?

In fact, her friends or the consequences of this action don't seem to cross her mind. She doesn't talk about how this means breaking up with Amity. She doesn't talk about how this will make it harder for everyone, who has planning with the idea that Luz would be there in mind, to actually face the threat before them. How this means never seeing Eda or King again. Nothing that someone who actually cares about the consequences of her actions should be taking into account with this.

It's why it only changes a little. The morality of this is still AWFUL and she's STILL not thinking about what she's doing in a wider context which is theoretically part of what she needed to learn from reasonably trusting someone who seemed nice enough and was in need of help, let alone because she needed his help as well. But despite that being her excuse, she's not learning. She's running. The task ahead is really fucking hard, unlike pretty anything she's done before (remember how in S1 the Conformatorium bent over and begged for help from this human girl who'd had magic for like a month and a half? And one of her glyphs for like a week at most?) and so fuck it. She's staying home with her mom.

And that's also why she goes because when her mom says she's going, it's either go or be homeless for Luz at that point. There is now no way for her to avoid her mistake and fix it. Even when she does go though, her goal is to save Eda and King. Once that's done... She's gone. And word choice here MATTERS. Her compromise isn't "Fine, I'll fix my mistake and save everyone and then leave." It's "I'll save the people I care about and then fuck off and leave." If they were both dead, she'd just turn right around and go, regardless of the fact that all of her friends ALSO HAVE FAMILIES HERE.

Seriously, why the fuck was she written like this? You had only three specials to write for but you're still making basic writing choices that are baffling from a character perspective. Unless of course, the point IS that Luz doesn't care about anyone else. That she is selfish and self serving. Camila doesn't even argue about that or bring up anyone else so what the hell Camila!?

So no, it doesn't fix that Luz's angst arc ruins her character. Period. There's no coming back from writing off an entire world as dead to you. No coming back from only caring about yourself and not even acknowledging your friends or partner and what they're trying to get back. All that matters is her. It still paints her as someone who is just not wanting to bother with all of this anymore and start fresh again, just now back in the human realm.

This sort of shit happened all the fucking time after S2A and the shortening doesn't explain away small dialogue changes that could have kept how likable Luz was in her character while still getting the plots they wanted. Instead... It really just feels like they didn't care and so Luz doesn't seem to care about anyone.

And yet in the end, she is only ever rewarded so... Fuck you got mine I guess.

======+++++======

This caused some issues with the blog I'm posting in the morning and so I've now finally watched, of my own volition, more than Twitter clips of For the Future. Making that now all three specials of S3. I'm even bothering to just watch this one just because it is the one I'm most in the dark on and reacting on my Discord.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[nikiiwi]

baek kyung is horrible and that's what makes him great.

if you've fallen in love with him uncritically, looked past his toxic actions and chosen to ignore that he's a walking red flag, i am concerned. i hope that's not doing any bad things to your brain. but him being awful is what's so compelling about him. he's a great antagonist for the story he's in.

he's a narrative foil for almost everyone around him.

eun dan-oh knows that yeah, technically she's smarter than the characters who have yet to become self-aware. but she respects their autonomy, however scripted it may be, and treats everyone with kindness. she doesn't see herself as better or more important just because she knows better. baek kyung does. whether it's bravado or pretense or genuine disdain, he treats everyone who hasn't woken up even worse than he did before.

ha-ru is often concerned for eun dan-oh's wellbeing. he's scared for her. her condition could kill her and there's no way for anyone to know when that could happen. he loves her and he understands his place in this is to support her. he's willing to go along with any plan she has to save her own life. baek kyung is also scared. and he's turning that on dan-oh. he's blaming her, even when he seems to be softer about it. he does not know how to express love in a healthy way. when he decides to help, he spends his time pushing the idea of their relationship as a method to save her. no matter how many times she insists that isn't what she wants.

lee do-hwa is the second male lead of secret. he's more or less accepted this, no matter how it may hurt, because he loves his female lead enough to let her go. it's enough to be by her side, however she wants him there. even if she's always on his mind, she doesn't need to be his whole being. baek kyung cannot accept that he is the second male lead of eun dan-oh's life (which is stretching the definition honestly). maybe if he had, they would form a genuine friendship. instead he imposes himself on her relationship and on her life because he cannot cope with the idea that if given the choice, she wouldn't pick the guy who belittles her constantly.

he's an unfortunate example of "hurt people hurt people".

it doesn't matter if he's on stage or in the shadow. baek kyung's home life is always awful. there has to be something uniquely painful about the discovery that your actions, your life, your personhood, were entirely scripted for you, when that's already been your reality for so long anyway. there is a life outside of his life but it's really more of the same. being a fictional character makes sense. he was never allowed to be real. it still hurts.

for baek kyung, hating the manhwaga is just transference. his father has already done enough to prove to him that he's a pawn in someone else's game. he hates this man, he resents the pain he's put him through. but when the stage is set, he also is vying so hard for his father's approval. how much of that emotional dissonance is left when he's back in the shadow?

his life is unfair, he's not alone in that. but he may be the only one who's not being taught how to cope with it. there's a little clique that's formed around the shared self-awareness, and he rarely steps into it. they rarely reach out to pull him in. he probably has few tools to understand how to ask for help. he probably cannot figure out the kind of help he actually needs.

and it doesn't help that the manhwaga instilled him with the core emotions of loneliness and rage. feelings that are hard to overcome without a lot of support. it's so easy for it all to turn to self-hate as he continues to be just wretched to everyone around him. he's asked what makes him act like that when he has the choice not to and he can't answer. he probably can't process that it is a choice. it's one thing for him to be so harmful when he's not in control of his actions, but he can't understand why he's still like that when in the shadow. he doesn't know how to change.

he's not a monster, he's just a kid.

baek kyung does monstrous things. vile, even evil, things. but he is so broken, and confused, and misguided, and hurt. and none of that makes the things he does okay. dan-oh would be within her rights to never forgive him – either universe's version of him – for the things he did to her. but just like his pain can't erase the way he harms people, his actions don't erase the fear in him. if he touches his terminally ill girlfriend's hand for support, that kindness will kill her. it's not true, it's not rational, but it's a very real scar that no one around him has even recognized.

he doesn't really deserve forgiveness. but in the end, he's trying to do the right thing so he can earn it anyway. he makes a choice that is not only about letting go, but about breaking a cycle of violence. he hates his father and the manhwaga for treating him like a tool, he resents his step-family and his schoolmates for ignoring his pain. he uses dan-oh as a tool to vent his ire and frustration, then as a generator of hope that might quell his loneliness. and he hates himself for it. because he knows that it's not right for him to ignore the pain that self-aware dan-oh would be feeling...if he allowed ha-ru to bring her back.

he knows it's not right. he doesn't know how to fix it and still be happy. so he chooses not to be. which is the right choice. it's the selfless choice. it's an unfair choice. because he's just a hurt kid and his childhood friend/arranged fiancee/abuse victim shouldn't be his only ray of hope. she forgives him, she tells him she doesn't see him as the monster he thinks he is, she allows him to express an apology so he can start to heal.

all it takes for him to begin to see a life that he doesn't spend alone and hurt is for his brother to see him. for him to hear from someone close that they see his loneliness, and who he is without it, and they believe he deserves better. they're sorry they didn't help him have something better. all he needed was i see you, i love you, i'm sorry.

baek kyung is a violent, unstable, manipulative asshole.

baek kyung is a hurt, confused, scared child.

he is all of those things, and that is what makes him so fascinating. that is what makes him an excellent sympathetic villain. in a story about regaining autonomy and saving your own life, there could be few better redeemed antagonists than an abused child who learns to stop being abusive.

[meetmypointlessaddiction]

So It's Gonna Be Forever

Summary: Joel Miller and Emily Harper have been best friends since 2nd grade and at the end of freshman year become something more. Will they last or will their new label ruin it all.

OR

Joel Miller gets some lovin' because god knows he deserves it.

Chapter 1

Warnings: Mentions of rough childhood and some violence between father and son but that isn't for another few chapters. Mentions and allusions to smut but never actually turns into smut.

I understand that this might not be everyone's cup of tea so if it's not for you, just don't read.

If there's anything that is possibly triggering that I haven't mentioned in the warnings please let me know as this is not beta'd and it is very possible that I've missed something.

Series Masterlist

Words: 2,757

Joel Miller was extremely unlucky. His mother died halfway through his sophomore year and his father spiralled into a good for nothing drunk, leaving him and his younger brother Tommy to fend for themselves. When their father hit his lowest points, Joel was always the one to take the blame, not wanting Tommy to be too badly affected and from there sprouted a routine of protecting and doing everything he could to not disappoint anyone else. 

Emily Harper had been a friend of the Miller’s ever since they met on a playground in their neighbourhood. Since then, their relationship had only grown from strength to strength, the pair eventually becoming something more than friends at the end of their freshman year. However, being the best friend/girlfriend of Joel Miller came with some additions. It also meant that she was close with Tommy, the two never far away from each other. Her parents loved Joel and Tommy like their own sons, often inviting them round for a dinner they knew would otherwise be forgotten about once they returned home. 

“Come on, Joel. It’s one night away from him, please? He can even stay with my parents if he wants to.” Emily begged, tugging on Joel’s hand. The pair walked home together every day, Tommy meeting them there after walking with his friends. Every Saturday, the popular kids threw parties for the seniors, usually celebrating a football win. 

“Em, please? I really don’t wanna go, maybe next time.” Joel tried, trying desperately to wriggle his way out of it. Joel Miller was not a partying kind of kid, preferring to sit at home with Tommy, preparing himself for the next screaming attack from his father. “Listen, you know I’m not a social kind of guy. Why don’t you come round, I’ll find some beers from somewhere and we’ll kick back and relax.” 

“If we’re not going to a party, I’m not sittin’ in your place again, the cable doesn’t even work most days. You’re not workin’ tomorrow, Tommy ain’t got nothin’ planned, come over, have dinner. I’ll get my dad to buy a few beers and they might even let Tommy have one, no harm no foul.” She shrugged and Joel contemplated it. It was a Friday night, their dad wouldn’t be back until the early hours of the morning and he would pass out before he had the chance to go looking for either of his sons. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll wait for Tommy and then we’ll come over with a change of clothes. An hour, tops.” Joel decided, the pair coming to a stop outside the Miller Household. “We won’t be long, ok?” He muttered as she pulled him in for a hug, kissing his cheek. 

“Do me a favour, cowboy? Stop bein’ so damn stubborn all the time?” She teased, punching his arm. “We have this conversation every Friday and you always use Tommy as your get out of jail free card. Come up with a better excuse. I love you.” She laughed, walking down the street, Joel trying to find it in himself to tell her those same words back. 

While Joel and Emily told each other most things, the Miller’s home life was kept a secret to the outside world, only a few details being revealed. In truth, the reason Joel never left Tommy alone with their father was because of the disaster that happened with his mother. From then on, Joel took on the protective role over Tommy and refused to let anything happen to the 14 year old. 

Joel busied himself by collecting the takeout containers and bottles of beer that had piled up since his dad’s return last night and him leaving while the boys were at school. Joel wasn’t much of a chef but his mother had taught him enough of the basics to be able to keep him and Tommy alive and fed, Joel having given up on trying to give his father anything other than a new bottle of beer. 

“Joel! We goin’ to Emily’s place again?” Tommy yelled through the house as he opened the door. “Joel?!” Joel snapped out of his daydream and turned to face his little brother. 

“Sorry bud. Yeah, get a change of clothes and your toothbrush and you can head over. I’ll finish cleanin’ up his mess and then I’ll follow you.” Joel nodded at Tommy, pushing his head jokingly. “Maybe we can get Carol to trim these locks of yours.” 

“Not a chance, man. The ladies love it!” Tommy cried, moving from his brother’s attacks on his hair. 

“Ah, the intelligent ladies of the 9th grade.” Joel mocked and Tommy rolled his eyes, shoving Joel with his shoulder as he walked to his room to pack a bag. “Let Em know I’ll be over as soon as I can.” He reminded Tommy as the boy set off out of the door. 

“You know that she’ll be over to help as soon as she sees me turn up on my own.” Tommy replied and Joel chuckled to himself, wiping the puddle of alcohol that had spilled by the couch. Joel often found himself working as a maid in his own house, Tommy doing his best to help out whenever he wasn’t getting distracted by a new comic book his friends had let him borrow. 

“What did I tell you about leavin’ that to your dad?” Emily scolded as she walked in the door and Joel laughed, dropping the rag onto the counter. “He expects it now so he’s never gonna try and clean it up himself.” 

“I’d rather not come home to maggots in takeout boxes, I’ll be completely honest.” Joel quipped and Emily huffed, walking into Joel’s room and shoving some of his clothes into a bag. Joel watched as she picked up a white shirt of his that had been stained a reddish colour. “I put Tommy’s jersey in and it stained all the white stuff.” Joel answered the unspoken question and Emily frowned. 

“I liked this shirt.” She mourned the loss of her favourite shirt by holding it up and catching a whiff of the laundry detergent Joel used to clean his clothes. 

“Correction, you like stealin’ it any time I come over.” Joel teased and Emily rolled her eyes. “Take it, I sorta managed to shrink it too. There are a few others you can take, may as well go to a better home, right?” 

“You just like seeing me in your clothes.” Joel nodded and Emily smiled, shoving a flannel and a clean pair of jeans in the bag as well as another pair of underwear. 

“You expectin’ me to sleep buck naked, sweet cheeks?” Joel asked, reaching into his drawers to pull out a pair of sweatpants. 

“No but you always sleep in your boxers anyway so I don’t see the issue. Free up baggage space for the snacks I will force you to go and get me later, duh.” She stated and Joel chuckled, shoving the sweats into the bag and slinging it over his shoulder. When the pair arrived at Emily’s house, Tommy was standing at the stove, stirring whatever it was that Carol was making, trying his best to be helpful. “Joel, how are you honey?” Carol attacked him with a tight squeeze and a dozen kisses to the cheek. 

“I’m doin’ good thank you, Carol. Is Jerry still at work?” Joel asked, receiving a knowing look for Emily’s mother as he set his bag at the bottom of the stairs, ready to take up to the spare room later that night. The small talk continued for a while before Emily took Joel’s hand and dragged him up the stairs, closing her bedroom door behind them. Her lips were pressed against his and he grinned, holding her hip with his free hand. “Christ, baby. How long you been keepin’ that to yourself?” He teased, resting his forehead against hers. 

“Still don’t understand why we can’t just go with it, it’s not like anybody really cares what we’re up to, Joel. Nobody would bother us. We could at least tell Tommy.” She whispered before he leaned down and kissed her again. Footsteps on the stairs brought them out of their bubble and the pair pulled away from each other, a knock on the door making Joel walk to the other side of the room and make himself look busy. 

“Em, your father’s home and dinner is almost done.” Carol said through the wood of the door and Joel smiled, nodding at her to open the door. Carol’s face appeared as the door swung open and she smirked. “Ok, lovebirds, downstairs or I out your asses.” She threatened and Joel gasped, his hand flying to his chest as he feigned distress. 

“You wouldn’t.” Emily threw a shoe at him and he laughed, walking over to her and kissing her temple. “I’m kidding, darlin’. Come on before your dad kills me.” Your mother had known about the two of you for a while after you had failed at sneaking Joel out one day during junior year, the anniversary of his mother’s death leaving him needing a little comfort. Since then, she had always covered for the pair of you, accepting Joel into the family officially, and surprising you with a box of condoms which you threw at Joel’s head the next time he entered through your bedroom window. 

“What the fuck? That the greeting I’m getting now?” He groaned, rubbing the spot on his head where the corner of the box had hit. 

“You asshole. Because of your clumsy ass, my mother has taken it upon herself to provide us with condoms and a daily reminder that she doesn’t want any grandbabies just yet.” Joel chuckled, looking at the box and pressing a kiss to Emily’s forehead. 

“I’ll have to tell her thank you, been meaning to buy some more. Goin’ through ‘em like crazy, sweet cheeks.” He whispered, pressing a kiss under her ear and she gasped, pushing him back. “Hey, at least she ain’t threatenin’ to chop my dick off. Would make the experience really borin’ for the both of us.” He huffed and she just rolled her eyes. 

“Joel Miller, you say nothing to my mother about the condoms or I won’t give you a damn reason to use them.” She hissed and he pouted, throwing the box into Emily’s bedside table with a smirk. 

Joel and Emily set the table while Tommy helped Carol carry out the plates, placing one in front of each seat. Emily sat across from Joel, Tommy sitting next to Joel while Jerry sat at the head of the table, Carol sitting beside Emily. “So kids, coming closer to winter break. Joel, Tommy, any plans?” Tommy tensed beside Joel, who shook his head. 

“I’ll pick up a few more shifts at the garage, save up for my own truck. Tommy is going to a festival somewhere for a few days, which week?” Joel asked, nudging Tommy with his knee, shooting him a questioning look and Tommy nodded, glad the topic had moved on. 

“First weekend in.” Tommy commented and Jerry, Carol and Emily nodded, Emily’s legs tangling with Joel’s underneath the table. 

Once everyone had finished their meals, Joel and Emily offered to clean up while her father went to shower and her mother and Tommy made themselves busy around the house, Tommy flicking through some magazine he’d brought with him. “What was all that about?” Emily asked as she handed Joel another plate to dry and put away. 

“All what?” Joel asked, sending her a confused glance. 

“Tommy losin’ his voice. That never happens.”

“Ma used to take us out a lot in the winter break to my Aunt’s cabin and to markets so I guess it’s just become a soft spot, that’s all.” Joel reassured, kissing his girlfriend’s temple. “It’s cute that you worry ‘bout him but I promise that he’s ok.” Emily nodded and Joel smiled, putting away the last of the dishes before he was being dragged into the living room to watch a movie with Emily and Tommy, her parents heading upstairs and calling it a night. 

“When are you two gonna hurry up and fuckin make out?” Tommy muttered after watching the two of them throw popcorn at each other for 10 minutes, a handful hitting him every so often. 

“Hey, watch your damn language.” Joel scolded and Tommy rolled his eyes, throwing up a middle finger towards Joel who took another sip of his beer. “Ain’t it past your bedtime anyway?” Joel grumbled, the distance between him and Emily making him irritable. 

“You just want me to leave so you can cuddle your girlfriend, fine. You guys think you’re bein’ so sneaky but I’ve know for ages.” Tommy teased and Joel flipped him off. “I’m surprised you don’t remember actually. I’d snuck in after leavin’ Andy’s a little earlier than expected and you two were fuckin’ bare ass in his bed. Didn’t take a genius to figure it out.” Tommy shrugged and Joel and Emily blushed, Joel throwing a pillow at his brother and shooing him upstairs. “Fine, don’t answer me but for the love of God, if you ever fuck in his bed, put a pillow behind the headboard. Hearin’ dads headboard is disgusting but yours?!” Tommy gagged and Joel snickered, Emily pushing her feet into his ribs. 

“G’night Tommy.” Joel muttered as Tommy made his way upstairs. 

“Don’t be too loud.” 

“Shut it, Tarzan. Go to sleep while your brother gets the best-.” Tommy ran up the stairs, not wanting to hear the rest of her sentence, and Joel and Emily burst into a fit of silenced giggles, not wanting to wake up her parents. 

“You’re cruel, darlin’.” Joel muttered, letting Emily curl into his side and she smiled, pressing a kiss to his shirt covered chest. “C’mon, I’ll take ya up to bed before you start droolin’.” He teased, pressing a few gentle kisses to the crown of her head and her cheeks before, liting her into his arms, a giggle escaping her lips. 

“Jesus, Joel. A little warnin’ next time.” She complained and Joel smirked, using his elbow to push the handle down on her door and throwing her on the bed, dropping down beside her. 

“You usually love it when I take you by surprise. Oh, Joel. More, baby, move.” He pitched his voice a little higher and threw his head back, Emily swatting at his chest. 

“Was gonna blow you tonight but I’m rethinking my plan.” Joel scoffed and raised his eyebrows, calling bullshit. 

“You wouldn’t risk it with your parents bein’ home and my brother in the room next door. ‘Sides, I’m expected to be seen on the couch in the mornin’ when your dad leaves for work and if he finds me fuckin’ blissed out in your bed, I’m dead.” Joel finished his rant with a kiss to her lips and then stood, making his way towards the door. 

“You could stay. Pops is working the night shift tomorrow so he’ll probably lay in until noon. He doesn’t normally look in anyway, not until he knows I’m up and changed. Nothin’ more than an innocent snugglin’ and smoochin’, right?” Joel chuckled, kissing her again and laying back down next to her. 

“A lil’ snuggle an’ smooch ain’t never done us any harm before. Fine, but I ain’t takin’ my shirt off. He’d come to conclusions.” Joel complained, changing his jeans for the sweatpants he had thrown into his bag but taking his shirt off anyway after receiving multiple kisses across his chest and those pleading eyes that he could never say no to. “You know, my dad’s goin’ away with his fishing buddies next weekend, they’ll probably spend the entire trip in a bar but it means I’ve got a free house. It falls on a weekend where Tommy is going to his friends for a football game so we could rent a few movies, get a few drinks and just kickback for a few nights if you’re feelin’ up to it.” 

Emily just smiled, settling against his chest with a content hum. “Lemme think about it and I’ll let you know.” She replied through a yawn and Joel smiled, pressing his lips to her temple and rubbing his thumb over her jaw. 

“Get some sleep, sweet cheeks. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He assured, settling down next to her and pulling the duvet up to her chin. 

“G’night cowboy. I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't forget to like and reblog if you enjoyed!

[romeythehomie]

ao3 stats tag meme

give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the fewest words.

my friend mav @thebrandywine tagged me to do a fic stats ask game!! so here is da thing.......a LOT of these are since-anonymized fics from my MCU days and i don't have any real connection to most of them anymore but i ALSO don't have six non-MCU fics to pull from. some of the one-shots hold up pretty well still i just...wouldn't publish them today, i don't think. anyways! onward and upward. enjoy~

most hits: you've arrived at last, my friend, MCU, 8 chapters and 61.5k words

It’d be easy enough for him to move silently, slip out through the window, down the fire escape and away from Steve and his little Brooklyn apartment. He doesn’t have to stay, wouldn’t have to come back. Doesn’t have to but can. He thinks he wants to.

second most kudos: carrying the weight together, MCU, 3.2k oneshot

So maybe Bucky’s a little clingy, maybe the separation anxiety is worse today than it is usually. That’s fine, they can handle clingy. No big deal.

third most comments: repaint the walls and roll me up with the carpet, my only currently posted resident evil fic, 3k words

He worries about Leon: his rare seconds of downtime on missions are so often spent wondering how Leon is doing back home, if he’s been eating and sleeping and taking care of himself. He worries about him at work, where from his office he can see Leon quietly chipping away at the latest task doled onto his desk. He worries about him when he wakes up, never sure what type of day it’s going to be for him. He worries when he goes to sleep with Leon in his arms, warm and solid and calm, and when he goes to sleep alone, Leon with only Buddy for company in his sad small one-bedroom house on base.

fourth most bookmarks: i take my cue from you, MCU, 2.6k words

His head hurts. He knows that he’s hungry and exhausted and skittish, but the only thing he’s able to feel is the pounding in his skull and the way the light feels like it’s burning through his fucking corneas. Steve’s been nagging him all day, which Bucky can’t blame him for. He knows he’s being frustrating and uncooperative and harsh and a dick and Jesus, how he wishes he could just stop, but nothing in life is that easy because why would it be. It’s not like anything else is.

fifth most words: kotenok, MCU, 3.2k

There is a cat. This in and of itself is not exceptional because one thing that hasn’t changed over seventy-odd years is the existence of alley cats. He does not know how to take care of a cat but he knows he can not leave it here to bleed and yowl and be upset. He has decided to take care of her and in her own way, she takes care of him.

fewest words: tineretului, MCU, 1.2k

He falls asleep praying that a safehouse in Romania isn't the closest he ever gets.

i'm actually kind of shocked that none of these are repeats and that it coincidentally completely avoids the other three fics i have posted lol. i'm not going to tag anyone because everyone i can think of i've already seen @'ed, but thank you for the game mav!!

[adrianasunderworld]

Orchard tulip Jasmine for the flower ask if your still doing it 😊 🌟

Orchid - What is your OC's biggest fear?

Isabelle: Surface level, that she will never get home. A deeper fear related to that is she does go home but everything has changed. Those dark thoughts you have to yourself at 3am have wormed their way into her mind and she worries sometimes that some life altering events have gone on at home and she will have missed it. Like her father has somehow died. Or everyone has moved away. Or that 10,20, 50 years has passed in her world and no one will recognize her, and she'll be left alone once more and she can't even go back to Twisted Wonderland.

Dreary: That one day Crowley will turn around and decide to throw her out. Dreary has spent so much her life with the fear that if the rest of their relatives find out she is a White Raven, they would shun and abuse her like those that came before. Dire doesn't care, but Dreary is deeply afraid one day he will change his mind or blame her for some misfortune and cast her out.

Lilith: A fear of one day being irrelevant. Lilith is an older woman in a very shallow and vain industry that values beauty and youth above all else. She's gotten very good at keeping up with the times and keeping her magazine alive, but there's still that little goblin in the back of her mind that she is not the twenty-something IT Girl she once was. Lilith isn't scared of growing old, but she is scared of being forgotten.

Asha: All her life Asha has been a protector. She protected her sisters, her friends, Leona, her child. It's in her nature to take action to save the people she cares for that cannot do it themselves, and Asha is terrified when she cannot guard them against something.

Clara: As cliché as it may sound, the safety of her students. Like Asha, Clara is a protector. The well being of her students is always at the forefront of her mind, many students she loves like her own, and the thought that White Ash will no longer be the safe haven for them that it has been for centuries would be her worst nightmare.

Tulip - If you could say/do one thing to your OC, what would you say/do?

Isabelle: "You'll be ok" and then talk about our favorite books

Dreary: I would give her all the sparkly and colorful accessories I could

Asha: Help her make fun of Leona and then ask if she can hook a girl up with him. Asha please, we would be great in-laws, I'll be a good aunt, I swear!

Clara: "I get it. But also stop banging Crowley." I'd just hang out with her, you know? Have some afternoon tea or something.

Lilith: "Your sons hand in marriage, please."

Jasmine - If your OC had a tumblr blog, what would their URL be?

Isabelle: Books-and-Broomsticks

Dreary: rainbowraven

Asha: ClawQueen

Lilith: the-divine-devil

Clara: ClockworkFairy

[elizabethsway]

I'm pretty sure my oldest sister is a narcissist stuck in a victim mentality.

Everything is always about her and she seems to have a hard time thinking about things from anyone else's perspective. It's like the Sun revolves around her and her alone.

Growing up, I heard horrible stories about her (we are over 15 years apart in age) and how she treated others. I heard these things from extended family and my immediate family. I saw all her burned friendships and how even her husband's family seems to not want to be around her. She exhaust people.

I also heard while growing up, about what she had been through, what everyone in my family had been through due to an event that started just before my birth with the ramifications lasting to today.

A few years ago I decided to give her a chance. I imagined she wasn't as bad as what was said and that even if she was, it's been over twenty years, people change. Wrong. At least when it comes to her.

It's so sad and disappointing, she's been going to therapy for 15+ years (and I know It takes as long as it takes) but she can't find any peace and I need to give myself the opportunity for peace.

Everytime we get together she finds some way to break down and blame everyone around her for how her life is and her past. She can't even see how she is hurting people. She never apologizes either when she knows she's hurt us and we tell her, but she expects everyone to feel bad for her and apologize to her, even if she was in the wrong.

A few years back, she violated my trust and put me in a dangerous situation. She told me it was a misunderstanding and continues to use her kids as a emotional manipulation to get me to visit her.

I love her kids but honestly don't think I should be alone with her or her family given the victim and lie based environment she created around them.

I only had been visiting for the kids, but tonight my other sister told me she and her husband had visited my oldest sister's house for dinner and to see the kids. During dinner out of the blue she started crying and listing all the ways everyone has wronged her. Things we've all talked about before and had discussions about with her. But she began to change her story.

Where she told me what happened a few years back was a "misunderstanding" and told my sister the same thing, this night she changed her story and made it seem like I did something legally wrong.

Sadly, this isn't the first time I've heard from her friends or other extended family variations of what she has been saying about me as well as other family members or friends.

Part of me just wants to end it. I'm not someone that believes just because you share the same blood with someone that you should let them manipulate and emotionally abuse you, repeatedly.

I've never had a truly bad breakup even with my friends. Whenever it was time, we separated and then a few months later talked it all out. We moved to being acquaintances. People I talk to, maybe once a month, but are people that I don't invest in.

For these people I don't invest a lot of my time or energy. For people I'm close with I make it a point to call them, text them or whatever form of communication they like. I make it a point to make time for them if they want to spend time with me. I listen to them, I build trust with them, I'm vulnerable with them. My college roommate is more family to me when compared to my blood sister.

I can't be any of that with my oldest sister. Time and time again she's proven that she's not ready for change and she's not willing for it either. And I won't sit there and allow her to keep hurting me and our family.

I want to continue to see and be in both my nieces' lives, but I may need to keep it to written letters, video chats and texts until they become of age where they are able to leave that environment unless we set up boundaries. It probably has not be easy growing up in it. But I need to talk with my sister and set boundaries if I want to be in my nieces' lives.

Boundaries:

1) Must meet in a public location (so there is documentation vs her word).

2) Cannot talk about the past (won't keep rehashing same wounds).

3) Don't do any favors for me (a favor from my sister means you own her for life. Even if she did something for you that you didn't realize she did and you didn't need or want).

These are my boundaries and I might modify them before talking with her. I want to let her know that I want to have a discussion about these topics and set up an appointment to talk with her about it so that she has time to prepare everything she needs to say.

I need to talk with her and let her get it all out one last time, helping her work through some of her emotions, but going forward I won't keep talking about the past. I can't change her past or her mind set or her behavior, but I can change my reaction to it and how I behave and speak to her.

I understand she feels pain but I can't heal her. I can, however, give her this opportunity to help her heal herself, even if only a little bit. After that, she has to take responsibility for her life and her decision to dwell in the past and pain. She will need to find a way to help herself.

I can't invest in someone that can only invest in themselves and puts me and my loved ones not only in dangerous situations but also abusive ones.

Forgiveness is hard and you can't do it if you dwell in the emotions. You must separate emotion from fact or event. You have to deal with the emotions of it so you can see it as something that occurred but that you choose not to dwell on. You don't forget with forgiveness, but you chose to make a conscious choice to not harp on it daily. You choose to think on it less.

Forgiveness also doesn't mean reconciliation. Sometimes, your foundation in this relationship is too far gone and trust is not an easily built thing once it's been broken. Sometimes all that's left to do is to air everything out, manage your own emotions, forgive while choosing to think on it less, and walk away.

Sometimes we get so stuck in a cycle of pain that we can't or even sometimes don't want to leave. But sometimes it's important to walk away and wish each other well.

Forgiveness, remember, is not just for the other person, it's also important for yourself.

Now I need to deal with my emotions. I know I love her and always will but if she can't bury the hatchet, I am leaning toward burying this relationship.

[cryptic-bullshit]

Its so fucking bleak seeing how few positive voices there are in the notes of this post. I'm not gonna sit here and preach fake positivity- people will leave, they will give up, they will judge, they will blame. It is hard, and the world can be ugly, and there are times that you will be so, so, impossibility tired of it all.

But it isn't black and white. Its isn't misery or happiness. Some people will try their damndest, and sure, maybe they will give up in the end, but you should still hold on to the positives they left you with. The coping mechanisms they taught you, that yummy food they introduced you to that always made you smile, even just the happy memories once it stops hurting to think about them. More people are going to leave your life than are going to stay, that's just the nature of life. Ive given up on being friends with someone just cause we weren't particularly compatible, it had nothing to do with their mental illness and I've been on the other end of it too.

And you know what? I find my breakdowns fucking annoying too. I also find it annoying when my nephew decides he wants to scream all day even though he's just being a two year old and hes full of energy he doesn't know what to do with it all. You can't always control what you find annoying, especially when youre in a bad mood, and sometimes something that annoys you one day wont annoy you another. Sometimes I scream with my nephew instead of hushing him. Just because someone is annoyed by something doesn't mean they hate you for it. Sure some people will, but not everyone.

And those people who don't give you credit where credit is due? Fuck. Them. They wouldn't last a goddamn day in your mind. Don't let them take away your progress, don't let them steal your pride in yourself. You are doing the work, and that probably more than they can say for themselves in my experience.

You can't help desensitization, but being desensitized doesn't mean you don't care. We're all desensitized to violence of the world, to the atrocities committed daily, to the school shootings and the wars and the genocides. But I'm willing to bet that most of us still care. That we are angry, that we want to help, that'd we'd kill for any of those victims if given the chance. On a personal note, I am desensitized to how sick my grandmother gets, how she never seems to get fully better before something else makes her sick again. I don't feel fear or panic when I hear her coughing, or watch her struggle to walk. But I do ask her if she wants some water, if she wants me to get her walker, change her sheets, take out her trash. I am use to her frailty, and sure sometimes I have remind myself to not allow it to lead to complacency, but goddamnit do I still care.

Maybe this one is a cliche, but you never know if someones really over something, especially if you aren't very close. You don't know what they cry about in the dark when they can't sleep, or where their mind wanders when they're left alone with their thoughts. Everyone has something. Maybe it's not to the same degree as those of us with mood and personality disorders, those of us who fight with our emotions every single day, feeling like we're barely keeping out heads above water, but everyone has something.

The world isn't made for us. There isn't any denying that. But you can find places in the world that are.

Some days are going to be auto pilot, some days are going to be get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Some days you won't even do that, you won't even get out of bed. But on occasion you will have days where you aren't tired, when you have energy to feel happy, and those are the days to live for.

Its okay to feel like this post sometimes, even a lot of the time. But don't let it become your world view. Don't allow yourself to make it your truth. If you believe everyone will leave, they will, because you will push them away. If you believe everyone hates you or judges you, you will find insult where there never was. Confirmation bias is a hell of a drug.

Be sad, be hurt. Feel hopeless and lost and like nothing is ever going to get better or change. But don't stay that way. It is exhausting to fight your symptoms every day, to argue with your brain, to scream and pray and wish and beg. But god is it so fucking worth it on the days you're able to win the fight.

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

[mrsstruggle]

The Lost Child - Prologue // Teen Wolf x Marvel AU

Summary: Y/N Stark was taken from her family when she was three years old. It's fifteen years later and her family believes she is dead. Then how is she living in Beacon Hills?

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Death, Talk of Pregnancy, Mentions of Poor Eating Habits, Talk of Kidnappings, Possible Grammar Mistakes (please let me know if there is anything else)

Pairings: Derek Hale x Reader, Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes, Bruce Banner x Natasha Romanoff, Vision x Wanda Maximoff

Previous Pairings: Tony Stark x Pepper Potts

Words: 2.2k

Note: This is my first fic, so please let me know what you think. I don't know how many chapters this will be but I will be posting new ones every 2-3 days.

Additional Note: While this is a Teen Wolf x Marvel AU, not everything is true to the show/movies/comics. I had to change things for the story. This does loosely follow Teen Wolf Season 4.

One Last Note: Y/N was adopted by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. I did this so that more people can see themself in this story.

***I do not own Teen Wolf or Marvel or any related characters. This is a work of fanfiction and is meant for entertainment only.***

Masterlist

The Lost Child Masterlist

Next Chapter

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Happy birthday, Petal."

Tears slowly trickle down Tony's cheeks as he stares down at the grave in front of him. Today would've been Y/N Stark's 18th birthday.

Tony looks up to see that he isn't the only one crying.

Steve and Bucky are leaning into each other for comfort as they stare down at the grave of the girl who was their goddaughter. Beside them is Sam, who is trying to stay strong for the sake of his friends, but his facade is starting to fall. Behind him is Thor and his brother Loki. While Loki hardly knew Y/N as a child, he was there to comfort his brother, who still feels responsible for the girl's death even though he had nothing to do with it.

On Tony's left, he can see Vision holding Wanda as she sobs into his chest. Bruce is watching Natasha clean the area around Y/N's headstone and carefully place all the bouquets of flowers they brought for her. Tony knows she's only doing it to keep herself busy in hopes of not bursting into tears in front of everyone.

Lastly, there's Peter, standing next to his father as he stares down at his little sister's grave, whom he misses with all his heart. He still wonders if there was anything he could do that could've saved her.

"When is Pepper coming?"

Tony darts his eyes over to Bucky, who is looking at him with a nervous look on his face. He knows it's the question everyone has been secretly wondering, but Bucky seems to be the only one brave enough to ask.

"I've been told that she is coming by later with Morgan. I'm surprised she even knows what today is."

They can all see the bitter look on his face as he thinks about his ex-wife. Y/N going missing caused an enormous strain on their marriage. Tony blamed Pepper and Pepper blamed Tony. While her kidnapping put a strain on their marriage, nothing compares to what the news of Pepper being pregnant did.

It was two months after Y/N's disappearance when Pepper finally decided to tell Tony the news. She had discovered she was pregnant two weeks after Y/N was taken from them. She decided to wait and tell Tony because he was hardly home as he looked for any signs of Y/N every day. After a month and a half of keeping her pregnancy from Tony, she finally decided to tell him as she was starting to show slightly, and she hoped to get his mind off Y/N. She too wished more than anything to have her little girl back, but Tony was going to end up dead with the way he was going.

She thought telling him would make their lives a bit better, but it only made it worse.

---

"Tony, can you please sit down and have dinner with Peter and me."

"I can't. My little girl is somewhere out there scared and alone and wondering when her dad is going to save her."

"You won't be able to save her when you pass out from you being malnourished. You've hardly eaten in two months. You've lost some weight and not in a healthy way. I want her back here just as much as you, but when we find her, I want to be well enough to hurt those who have hurt her."

Tony grumbled something angrily under his breath as he stood up behind his desk in his little home office.

"Fine. I will eat the dinner you made, but then I'm coming back in here, and I'm not leaving until I find something."

They walked to the kitchen of their little cabin. When they adopted Peter at three months old, they decided that living at the compound full of accident-prone heroes with superpowers and special abilities was not the best idea. They moved into a cabin in the middle of nowhere so they could live their family life in peace and away from the dangers the rest of the world brought.

While walking into the kitchen, Tony saw Peter patiently waiting for his parents to join him at the kitchen table. He kept asking where she was, and they were running out of things to tell him.

Tony and Pepper silently joined Peter at the table. Tony quickly started to eat the chicken on the plate in front of him.

"Slow down, Tony. We haven't seen you in weeks, and your research will still be there when we're done."

Tony glared down at his plate. "It's not just some silly research. I am trying to find–" he stopped himself as he glanced over at Peter– "I am trying to find something important to me. I'm sorry that it doesn't seem that important to you."

Pepper huffed in annoyance. "She is just as important to me as she is to you."

"Then act like it!"

Peter jumped at his dad's outburst. He looked at his parents who seemed to have some kind of stare-down.

"When is Y/N coming home?"

Tony and Pepper looked at the boy who was nervously playing with his food as he waited for his parent's reaction. Tony sighed as he prepared to finally tell the boy the truth. He was tired of keeping this from him, and he knew Peter would keep asking.

"Tony, don't."

"He deserves to know. I am tired of all the lying, and he deserves to know. She's his sister."

"He's just a kid. He doesn't need to know."

Tony ignored her as he turned toward Peter. "P, do you remember your birthday party two months ago?"

Peter softly replied as he nodded his head, "We had a big party at the compound."

"Correct. Now, do you remember how we told you that the reason your sister didn't come home with us that night was because she got sick and went home with Uncle Steve and Uncle Buck?"

"You said that she ate too much cake."

Tony took a deep breath as he steadied himself to tell the boy that his sister was missing.

"P, your sister wasn't sick, sh–"

"Tony!"

Tony looked back at Pepper, "He deserves to know."

Tony turned back to Peter and looked into his scared, tearful eyes, "P, your sister was taken."

"Taken?"

"Some very bad men took her from the party, and we don't know where she is."

"How?" Tears fell down Peter's face as he tried to come up with an explanation in his head. He didn't understand how his sister could be taken from one of the most protected places in the world. His family was the Avengers, and somehow his sister was taken from a party they were all at.

"We don't know. We have been looking into everything, and we are doing everything we can to find her. We won't stop until she is home."

"My sister was taken, and you've been lying to me this whole time!"

"P, we–"

"No! I don't want to hear your lies!" Peter jumps up from his seat and storms off to his room. They can hear him slam his door shut.

Pepper stood up from her seat and grabbed Peter's plate to put it away in the fridge in case he got hungry later in the night.

"I told you not to tell him."

"The longer we kept lying to him, the more upset he was going to be with us when we finally decided to tell him." Tony got up from his spot at the table and brought his plate over to the sink to wash it.

Pepper knew this wasn't the right time to tell Tony the news, but she couldn't keep putting it off. She didn't know how he would react, but she hoped he wouldn't respond too poorly.

"Tony, I have to tell you something."

Tony quietly mumbled in acknowledgment as he dried his plate.

"I'm pregnant."

Tony immediately stopped drying the plate in his hand, and Pepper could practically feel the tension radiating from his body. Tony turned his head toward Pepper.

"No."

"No?"

"No."

Pepper huffed frustratedly, "What do you mean no?"

"I mean no! I can't deal with this right now! My little girl has been missing for two months, and you are already trying to replace her! Is this why you seem to not give a shit about her being missing?" Tony throws the plate in his hand into the sink. It shatters into pieces from the harsh impact.

"I am not replacing her! I miss her just as much as you do!"

"Do you? You've basically gone back to your life as if she was never in it. Why is that? Is it because now you're pregnant with a biological child? Some girl who was left in front of the compound means nothing to you now?"

"She is not some girl! She is my daughter too! I didn't plan on getting pregnant! I found out two weeks after she was taken from us. What you should really be asking is how the hell was our daughter kidnapped from the compound without no one knowing? You brag all the time about how secure and advanced that compound is, and yet you have nothing! You can't even say what time she was taken!"

"Her kidnapping isn't my fault!"

"How is it not? I begged you to leave all of this Avenger nonsense when we adopted Peter! I told you that something bad would happen, but you let your massive ego do the talking, and you claimed that nothing would ever happen! Now look! Our daughter is gone, and we should start facing the fact that she's probably already dead!"

Tony thought he was angry before, but now he was furious.

"Y/N is not dead."

"How do you know that? It's been two months, and you haven't gotten any closer to finding her than the night she was taken. She is three years old, and we have to face the fact that there is about a 99% chance that she is dead. You know the statistics!"

"How have you just given up on her? Until I find her, alive or dead, I will never give up on looking for her. I promised her the day she was dropped off on our doorstep that I would always be there for her. I wasn't there for her when she was taken, but I won't stop until I can be there for her again. Just because you have given up hope doesn't mean that I have."

Tony stormed out of the kitchen toward the front door as Pepper followed him. He slipped on his tennis shoes that were sitting near the door and grabbed his keys from their key bowl.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't be here right now. I'm sleeping at the compound tonight."

"You can't just run away from this. From us."

Tony sighed as he finally looked up at Pepper, "I am not running away. I need to get out of here. I'll be back tomorrow. Hopefully, by then, you'll realize that our daughter is still out there, and I will find her."

Tony rushed out the front door and went straight to his car. Pepper watched dolefully as Tony drove away from their home. Tony returned the next morning, but he returned with a moving truck and divorce papers.

---

"What time do you leave tomorrow?"

Tony blinks away from his memories at the sound of Clint's voice. He looks over to Clint, who is staring at him with concern in his eyes.

"We leave at 9:00 AM tomorrow. Someone should be there cleaning the lake house now."

"Are you excited, Pete?"

"Oh yeah. Three months in an isolated lake house with my dad, my uncles Steve, Buck, Sam, Bruce, and Thor, and my aunt Tasha and Wanda. It's gonna be a blast," Peter replies sarcastically.

"Hey! What's wrong with spending time with us? Bird boy, I get, but what's wrong with me," Bucky quickly objected. Sam gives Bucky an offended look at the terrible nickname he called him.

Tony signs solemnly while looking down at Y/N's grave, "This will be the first time we've gone back there since she was taken. She loved the lake house. Three years old, and she somehow figured out a way to sneak onto a jet and have JARVIS take her there. I remember her saying how she wanted to live there when she was older."

"It will be hard, but it's for the best. We are going there to celebrate her. She might no longer be with us physically, but she is with us in our hearts," Wanda added, "Plus, I've heard that the town near it has even grown quite a bit in the last several years. I mean, the murder rate and freaky happenings are kinda high, but it seems like a cool place."

"How does it having a high murder rate make it a cool place," Clint asked with a confused look on his face.

"One, I said it's kinda high. Two, I said it seems cool, not that it is cool."

"I'm just hoping that burger place on the edge of town is still open," Steve added.

"What was that place called again," Peter asked.

"Bob's Patty Shack."

"How do you remember that? I can't even remember the name of the town," Bucky looked at Steve questionably.

"That's how good their burgers are. They've never left my mind."

"What's the town called again," Peter asked.

"Beacon Hills.”

[rphelperblog]

Chain of Gold Book Quote Rp Meme

by Cassandra Clare- feel free to change pronouns or edit quotes for rp purposes

“There is no better distraction in this world than losing oneself in books for awhile.” 

“I see you have decided to follow in the long familial tradition of poor decision-making.” 

After all, what are rules for it not to be broken?” 

“You are who you are, made by the sum of your choices and actions.” 

“You look ill, is it my dancing? Is it me personally?”

“I wonder sometimes if it is easier to be brave when one is young, before one knows truly how much there is to lose.” 

“People become locked in bitterness sometimes,and they wish to find someone, anyone, to blame for their grief.” 

“Stories offer a thousand fresh starts.” 

“Men like the idea of a woman they can rescue.” 

“We don’t always love people who deserve it.” 

"People can be awful when they're in love.” 

“Searching for the one is what leads to all the misery in this world, searching for many is what leads to all the fun.” 

“Sometimes you have to stand back and let people do what they are good at, even if it seems like madness at the time.” 

“The most interesting women are always the most whispered about.” 

“That's everyone's dream, isn't it, really? Instead of many who give you little pieces of themselves-one who gives you everything.” 

“all the stories are true.”

“Drink, and you will sleep; sleep, and you will not sin; do not sin, and you will be saved; therefore, drink and be saved.” 

“I hope to live up to your expectations.”

“Do not confuse conditioning with a native inability.” 

"Orange is not the colour of seduction. Orange is the colour of despair, and pumpkins.”

"Don't be frightened. What shall we talk about? Do you like stories?"

“Ah, yes, who will be graced by my brother’s attentions?

“When he was six, he threw up in his own shoe.”

"Tea is always an excuse for a clandestine agenda.” 

“She wondered if not being able to help the people you loved was the worst feeling in the world.” 

“I let you come to my salon because you amuse me. Because you are a child - a silly and beautiful child, who touches fire because it is lovely, and forgets that it will burn him.” 

"Someone to be inspired by. Someone to know their secrets. Would you like to be a muse?"

“I could have done that on my own.”

“Not every bit of a good story is true, It’s the story that’s important.” 

“There’s no need to look at me like that, brother. I wouldn’t say yes, but I could immortalize the experience in my novel.”

“I should like to have a portrait in the attic that would show all my sins, while I stayed young and beautiful.” 

"I would like to be a hero.”

“The point of stories is not that they are objectively true, but that the soul of the story is truer than reality. Those who mock fiction do so because they fear the truth.” 

“Nobody’s ever tried to seduce me at all,

“Thank you for letting them borrow the carriage to come and get me

"But at least we can always pick up a book and read it anew. Stories offer a thousand fresh starts.” 

“That's everyone's dream, isn't it, really, instead of many who give you little pieces of themselves - one who gives you everything.” 

“I loathe waltzing.”

“Memories can be bitter as well as sweet.” 

“Sometimes grief and worry must take the form of action,” 

“How much is love meant to hurt?”

“I am his sister. I do not appreciate being overlooked.” 

“You decide the truth about yourself. No one else. And the choice about what kind of person you will be is yours alone.” 

"But we suffer for love because love it worth it.” 

“The romance is never over,”

We do not wait to be saved by others. We save ourselves.” 

“Perhaps I should send for my cat.” 

“I am going to kiss your mother now, flee if you will, children. If not, we could play Ludo when the romance is over.”

"Tell me the name of the shadow that is always hanging over you. I can become a shadow. I could fight it for you.” 

“Please recall that I am the pale neurasthenic one and you are the stern heroic one, it is very tedious when you mix up our roles.”

“I feared your parents would not have considered it the kind of tale suitable for a young lady’s ears,”

“Can ghosts lie?”

“A ghost with a sense of propriety. That is funny.”

“You know the stories of my grandfather, I am sure?”

“We do not get to choose when in our lives we feel pain. It comes when it comes, and we try to remember, even though we cannot imagine a day when it will release its hold on us, that all pain fades. All misery passes. Humanity is drawn to light, not darkness.”

“She supposed it was not the most romantic thing in the world to say that every time she saw him she felt as if she'd been attcked by a waterfowl, but it was true.”

“Don’t you blame this on me!”

“It means unusually pretty. Oddly beautiful. It denotes having a face with character.”

“Pretty-ugly? She’s not ugly!”

“Please do not use metaphors. It gives me the pip.”

“He’s grown into everything now,”

“...It is easier to point the finger at one person than to admit everyone made mistakes.” 

“Many choices were not easy-they were near impossible, and there was no point hating people who were forced to make them.” 

you may speak however badly of yourself as you like, but it does not make it true. You decide the truth about yourself. No one else. And the choice about what kind of person you will be is yours alone,"

“Does it need be said twice that it’s terrible?” 

“Ghosts are completely honest. I keep telling you, it was mice who knocked your silver mirror behind the desk and broke it.”  

“Why have you blocked this door? I demand to know what’s going on!”

“Do not let those who cannot see the truth tell you who you are. You are the flame that cannot be put out. You are the star that cannot be lost. You are who you have always been, and that is enough and more than enough. Anyone who looks at you and sees darkness is blind.” 

“How nice for you to be related to such an important sort of demon,”

“It is as if one was bitten by a duck and years later one shot a completely different duck and ate it for dinner, and called that revenge.”

He was a very unprepossessing child. Scowly, and he hadn’t grown into his nose.”

“I did not raise you to be horse thieves and scallywags,and I recall very clearly that I told you—”

“I believe that’s the shade they call ‘ashes of roses.’ Very popular in Paris.”

“And during that year, I will do nothing. What kind of person do you think I am?” 

“Push up your sleeve, then, there’s a good fellow,”

“No one told you to go out patrolling for demons dressed like an extra from 'The Importance of Being Earnest”