#debating whether i even post this or not bc it makes me feel mean but then there you go creeping in all my friends' inboxes

[reddyletter]

you aren't fucking tim key

...yet.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A witchcraft basics doc; update, resource call, interest check, and a possible second doc

Bet most of you didn't even know I was working on this >:D

Yes this is a huge post. It's a lot of things.

So, one of my first posts ever on this blog was me mentioning that a friend of mine had NO clue what they were signing up for when asking for the basics of witchcraft. The google doc I wrote took on a life of its own, and the post did as well when people started asking for it. I still plan to tag said people when I post it, assuming they haven't deactivated. The thing is, this doc had become a proper project, and it took a long time for me to have the motivation to work on it again. Now, though, it seems to me like a damn good way to reconnect to my craft after a rut! (which, by the way, is why I've been offline.)

So, my first post back is for a couple of reasons. For one, if you have any resources you'd think would be useful for beginner witches, feel free to shoot me an ask, DM, or comment/reblog on this post! I'll have a list of things I'm putting in the doc (taking recommendations there as well) at the bottom of this post.

The other thing is that I might end up making a second doc, one that's a little less "101" in vibe. It would have a MAJOR MAJOR UPG warning on it, first off, and I'm not sure whether or not I would be marking any UPG either since this would essentially be a second Grimoire/Book of Shadows for me that would be public to others for the sake of sharing information! I can't say I'd call it "advanced witchcraft" by any means, I'm not very fancy lol, but I don't want the basics doc to get too overwhelming. I do, however, want to scream about random witchcraft topics that interest me. So this is also a bit of an interest check for that, as well as the basics doc.

FINAL NOTE: I fully plan on posting this basics doc before it's done. Some sections will be unwritten or unfinished, because if I wait until I find it "finished" I'll never post it. It's going to be added onto whenever I can, but I feel as though getting it out is the best course of action.

A list of stuff in the doc that I'd take resources on (AKA everything planned in it) with * by anything that will be left unwritten/unfinished on purpose until I know more. I will take resources and recommendations on EVERYTHING though. This is in no particular order:

grounding and centering

VOCAB (intention, intuition, UPG/SPG/VPG, appropriation. probably others I'm forgetting.

candle, plant, crystals and safety* (as well as any other tools one might need safety tips for. This is left completely unwritten as I use very few tools of this type.)

deity work* (the whole debate surrounding when to start, as well as information about it. Will include smth about house rules/boundaries. My work is very casual, I'd love to see different POV's of this! This is by nature left unfinished because deity work is so unique to the witch.)

grimoire/book of shadows

tools of the craft* (common tools and how to use them consumerism in witchcraft, etc.)

cleansing

appropriation* (I don't know near enough about this, I just check what's in my own practice. I would like this to include a list of commonly appropriated closed practices, a definition of appropriation and why it shouldn't be done, open pantheons, and common open practices.)

spellwork*

meditation

where someone could go from here* (including sigils, tarot, crystals bc my friend likes rocks lol, maybe astrology but oh god I have nothing about that it makes my brain hurt just looking at an astrology chart /pos. I will probably make a list of stuff that I could add in this section.)

casual/daily/quick/low energy practices and witchcraft

paganism and witchcraft; overlap, what they are individually, why one might be for you rather than the other, etc.*

there'd be a credit section for anyone who wants to be credited for links/resources at the end! If you send me resources plz specify if you want to be included in that or not.

Things I might include in the second doc if I make it:

the craft and mental health and my experiences with it

things commonly touched on in the community (your deities don't hate you, cycles of inactivity and burnout, other things I'm forgetting rn)

deity-specific things, more specific topics of the craft, etc. yet another reminder that this would all include UPG, possibly unmarked, because it would basically be primarily used to give me motivation to research more.

[mazzystar24]

No BC I have daddy issues and every time I question whether to bring it up in a relevant conversation I have to fucking take the risk that it will be sexualised it is so so strange

ALSO I don't wanna stir all these debates up again but I feel like personally as a fan who has waited through SEVEN SEASONS for Buck to finally properly admit Bobby is like a dad to him, something that he obviously took a long time or process BC he had to accept that he deserved better from his bio parents, idk I just felt so pissed off from the "your father's alive" of it all that I didn't even register the daddy kink joke until I went on tumblr

GIRL (gn) THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING!!!!

As a fellow member of the shitty dads club I totally agree

Like having buck out loud say the bobby is like a dad to him couldve been a super sweet parallel to the may and bobby scene when buck was in a coma but instead it was like “your dad is still alive” and the daddy kink joke like wtf

The your dad is still alive comment for me is also like the one that I hated more (yes I legit made a poll for it😭😭 and turns out a lot of us hate it more if not as much as the daddy kink joke) like I think it could be cos that’s the one I’ve actually received forms of and that gets told so often to people with ptsd or like who cut off/ have bad relationships with family members and it’s like

1. How is that relevant like just cos he’s alive doesn’t make him a father

2. He’s legit speaking about why Bobby means so much to him so why say that

I made a whole post where I put it much more eloquently but yeah🤩 (funny thing is the best way I put it was legit hidden in the replies of another post I made😭😭)

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

A Long Rant About The Koffin Trio

Note: So, this is my first (really) long post about this fangame, and to be honest, I was debating whether or not to even publish it. I still decided to do it since not a lot of folks talk about ts!underswap, and I wanted to give my two cents regarding my three favorite characters.

More important note: If you think it's gonna trigger you to read about Harry/Larry and Harry/Larry/KK as a found family, better click off this post. Maybe it's my inner aroace speaking, but I personally don't see the romantic appeal at all. Good for you if you do! I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's opinion; diversity is great after all :)

For those of you who are still here, I will start off by saying this:

Harry and Larry depend on Count Koffin-K for so much. I'm tempted to say EVERYTHING.

He genuinely feels like their father figure. I mean, this sentient fedora gave them a job while they were both living lives that were... bad.

He isn't cruel when they do something stupid and instead just looks deadpan. Sure, Koffin-K's not a perfect boss; he yells at the two of them and insults them (dude really needs to work on his temper), but I found it sweet how both Harry and Larry felt safe enough to tell him the truth here, which to me counts for something (pun intended) ↓

He even pranks them sometimes ↓

Koffin may not be perfect (he's gotta keep up the "evil" persona) but at least he 1) tries to give Harry and Larry a hint that he cares for them (has them both secretly do his laundry without them telling each other) 2) actually admits that he cares for them both equally (in his own way) 3) attempts to solve their disagreement despite him not gaining anything out of it

How they met is also interesting to me.

Based on their backstory, Harry and Larry were clearly hesitant to work for Koffin, but when they actually started the job the next day, I imagine that their conversation went something like this (either during the first day or at some point early on in their career):

H: "Larry, he could be like the dad we never had and provide for us and we could have all da money that we never did, see?"

L: "Huhuhu, yeah! Don't forgets da food!"

...and that's how the parade float came to be. I think Koffin secretly appreciates they made it, even though he says how he wanted the thing "as far away as possible" right after saying this line ↓

He also makes this face later on at the festival when he sees the float again cause it reminds him that the three of them are a family despite Harry and Larry getting on his nerves half the time but I can't include the screenshot bc of the picture limit

Heck, the two even built their house outside the keep, which to me suggests that they don’t ever plan on leaving Koffin.

Harry does mention his mother, and we learn that he's into embroidery (both making me think he's a a 'mama's boy'; maybe she taught him how to embroider)...

...but even on the ts!us wiki, the only relationship dynamic the two have is with Koffin-K himself.

Weirdly enough, we only know that Harry has a mom, but not a dad

Even though he was definitely unaware of this, Koffin liked Harry and Larry FOR BEING THEMSELVES. This is really important to me.

He saw something in them that others did not, even if it was initally just "your names rhyme and you give me the 'goofy henchmen' vibe." He sees them both as useful for what he needs them for. It may not be much, but it's exactly what Koffin's looking for.

In other words:

THE WAY HARRY AND LARRY ARE IS ENOUGH FOR COUNT KOFFIN-K. I mean, why look at resumes of competent potential employees when you can hire two idiots who are just as goofy as you

Exactly why Harry and Larry are so loyal to Koffin-K is unknown, but based on my interpretation, it has to do with 1) them desperately needing a father figure/someone to rely on 2) Koffin giving Harry and Larry a home, food, money, and a job that also allows them to slack off and finally enjoy life, and 3) him making them feel needed. Maybe not appreciated, even though he subtly tried to, but definitely needed. Serving under him became their purpose.

In other words, I think they're so loyal because Koffin "chose" them, even if he did that subconsciously.

Harry got the chance to be more than just a janitor. Imo, he was hesitant to work for Koffin at first because he was afraid that he would lose the only sense of security he had. I think he lived with his mom at the time, considering his low-wage job This explains why he wants to be rich (to make up for all the things he couldn't afford).

It also explains why Larry loves food so much (he literally slept under a dumpster bag and if he was both homeless AND unemployed, it would mean that he had to either be a beggar or eat from the trash. Either way, eating good food was out of the question.

It's also possible that Larry had a janitor job just like Harry (but unlike him, nowhere to live). I say that he might have been a janitor, since Koffin mentions how they could both do better than mopping floors forever, but maybe it was just an assumption on Koffin's side.

Whatever the case, their lives sucked.

There was also this one moment I wanna talk about, where Larry called Koffin-K stupid, and Harry pretty much agreed. So I asked myself why they reacted this way.

Maybe because it was easier to convince themselves that they didn't care about their boss than deal with the fact that he (maybe) always saw them as nothing but 'lowly servants'.

Seriously, Harry said out loud what they both wanted most of all. And that something was for Koffin-K to value them. This was more important to them than money and food COMBINED, considering their entire arc was about learning that Koffin needed them both equally

Maybe they were worried about getting fired, but I honestly don't think Koffin ever wanted to do that to them, no matter how many times they messed up.

Maybe they didn't want to be honest and admit to Koffin that he's a total dumbass so they wouldn't get in trouble with him. I mean, they did want to gain his validation/appreciation/approval/love, so it makes sense that they would do anything to get and remain in his good books.

I think the third scenario is the most likely one, tbh.

Might be a nitpick, but notice how Harry and Larry are walking next to each other here, but Koffin-K's at the back, just sorta... isolated, like he's not their equal? This is why I'd rather see him as their father figure than an older brother. The way I look at it, the oldest sibling is usually in charge, yeah, but there's still a level of closeness and familiarity between the siblings, whereas Harry and Larry hardly know anything about Koffin-K, ESPECIALLY how lonely he really is. Koffin's the one who gave them a purpose, became their boss, and as a result, they began looking up to him. In contrast, the two spend 24/7 together, bicker, and are practically inseparable, like brothers

Larry also explains how Koffin-K doesn't like leaving his study, but clearly neither Harry nor Larry reflected on why that is and just assumed it's because Koffin's 'stupid.' This reaction kinda rubbed me the wrong way at first, but then I remembered both of these dudes are street rats who don't know any better.

Look, I know the Boogiemen were supposed to fit this common "goofy villain's sidekicks" trope, but both of them clearly grew up in poor conditions, have daddy issues (imo), and feel worthless/useless.

That's why they want Koffin-K's attention so badly.

They need a father figure to reassure them that they're useful, important, and loved.

All this makes them three-dimensional and relatable, just like most UT/DR/UTY characters. It feels like everyone in these games goes through some kind of deep arc, and I feel like this is supposed to be the Boogiemen's

Sure, Harry and Larry are funny at first glance, and they're great at being comic reliefs, but at their core, they are misguided guys who come from poverty/homelessness. I kinda wish the feisty four from uty had more going for them just so I could psychoanalyze them all

Even though it's probably been a few years since they joined Koffin, at least some part of Harry and Larry doesn't seem to believe that they can finally enjoy themselves, even if it means doing hooligan stuff and boring chores. That's why they're 'superficial' and goof off and will grab any opportunity to act childish and materialistic.

A typical case of age regression

What lies beyond the surface is incredibly sad to me.

Now, this is sort of like a bonus section bc I want to explain WHY exactly I see Harry & Larry as brothers, and WHY I think they see Koffin as a dad again, maybe it's bc I'm aroace and I see family relationships everywhere, but the stuff below REALLY REALLY reminds me of these types of dynamics:

They threw insults at each other and had a literal fistfight over which one of them Koffin appreciated/liked more

They cried HARD (of joy) when Koffin told them they're both equally useful and useless, so they no longer had to be at each other's throats. He also said how he recognized that they're passionate about being his lackeys, even if their teamwork needed, well, work

I think it's sweet how they built the float 'within their first days of henchmenry,' according to KK. They could have easily NOT included him, but had apparently warmed up to him pretty soon

Harry wanted to call Koffin to save them + I love how he's CERTAIN he'll do it

Both yelled for Koffin (reminds me of Axis calling out for Chujin for some reason)

Larry called Koffin Keep their home (could have easily said that they left it at the keep...reminds me of the times Starlo called The Wild East Clover's home I really need to stop with the uty parallels)

They cheered for him (and got hit in the face with books)

They get in trouble with him

They apparently copied two of his attacks these 3 are so similar except that Koffin is a more 'head in the clouds' kind of goofy while Harry & Larry are more grounded... but still goofy

And this line... "And quit arguing, you two!" sounded so parental, istg

I forgot to mention some stuff:

After Koffin tells everyone to go to the festival, Harry and Larry quickly look left and right, like they're wondering where he is and/or what to do now that he isn't there. Poor guys really are dependent on him and like to be in his presence

They talked about Koffin a LOT throughout this game. Their conversations are either about 1) Koffin and what they're gonna do to please him, 2) Them bickering, or 3) Some shenanigans they get themselves into. Larry even remembers how Koffin-K always says: "If you're slacking, put some hustle into it"

Koffin doesn't treat any other lackey the way he does Harry and Larry, and none of the other lackeys seek his admiration like the two do

Harry and Larry were both jealous af of Chara for getting all the attention (right after they got into Koffin's study Harry said "Now whaddya need us in here for, see?" and I immediately thought that he wanted to add "you have a new favorite child lacky now so why don't assign more chores TO THEM")

Like I'm not sure if they were meant to come across to us players as a family but for some reason that's how they came across to me since day 1

The actual reason why I see them in this light is not just bc I love found family (even tho I do. a lot), but bc I feel like it would give Harry & Larry more depth than a romance between any of them

[botanikos]

before i send this it isnt hate but criticism

so your stolas is good but its kinda annoying that you think your the best, tbh its like i'm reading the same 50 things i read on other stolases so its just all repetitive and ig itd be nice to see something different

also its good to have confidence but idk. you give off vibes that you think your THE stolas and better then other stolases and like you think your the character??? idk its offputting bc i wanted to follow and write with you but you just give off uppity vibes and its weird you think your stolas/THE stolas

your writing is good, dont get me wrong but maybe try to not be so uppity and bragging abt it/being stolas :/

I debated on whether or not to address this at all, but since it's a criticism and not hate-mail as specified, here we are. I'll be quite honest, I was not expecting something like this to come to me anytime soon.

If the impression I give is that I am The Stolas, I apologize. This is NOT the intention. That being said, I must politely disagree to some extent with this criticism. My friend, I am new to this fandom. Not role-playing or the community itself in general, but Stolas is a new character for me, and the fandom is still fresh (for me). I have actively AVOIDED interacting and following people without first being followed due to my anxiety. Even though I have promised myself that this would be (and is) just for fun.

I will say my portrayal is good. I'll even say great. But that does NOT make me better than anyone else, and it never will. I am an avid believer in diversity, variety, and kindness. To think there is someone here, watching my blog, thinking I view myself so highly is alarming. Even the people I have become mutuals with, I am still refusing to reach out to just yet, as I work on my writing for Stolas and through my own doubts. I am not Stolas. I am not the Stolas. I am Jude, an avid writer, enjoyer of media, and someone who has found a connection with Stolas. I am... Just a person here to have fun.

I won't say I'm a perfect person, I am very flawed! I make a lot of mistakes! But I STRIVE to provide a safe, inviting, and friendly space for people, be it for interactions or just as a potential friendship.

If this is going to be a continuous problem, I will have to find a means to continue writing without further involvement. For now, I will be cautious and take your words to heart (to some extent). ♡

I am alarmed and hurt that this message has found my inbox. I will be reconsidering my posting and approaches.

I sincerely apologize if I have made anyone feel as though I am unapproachable.

[transhawks]

saw a post of yours from awhile back wondering if horikoshi has read frankenstein & i’ve been waiting for someone to bring this up bc dabi is frankenstein’s monster. there’s the obvious evidence like how he’s drawn in tribute poses from the movies & he’s got stitches yknow. but also the whole thing with fire? in the original novel it wasn’t “grr fire bad” it was the monster learning that fire could hurt him but could also be used as a tool which he comes to appreciate. not to mention the monster’s main character motivation being he’s going on an angry rampage bc his creator (in this case endeavor) rejected & abandoned him bc he was a “failure”. the parallels are there you have got to believe me

So I've been a "Frankenstein, and I do mean the book not the movies, influenced BNHA" truther for years. I think what should be debated is whether Horikoshi read the original or not, and how much Ito's 2018 adaptation influenced the manga. I personally think if not the book, what he did read was Junji Ito's adaptation of it. Apparently Ito's manga is a very faithful adaption, which means a lot of the really amazing lines Shelley wrote and themes are in there, and I personally think they fit it better than the Universal Pictures attempt at Frankenstein, which was kind of a "low-brow" adaptation of Shelley's work. Horikoshi has long been a Junji Ito fan - our first panel of Tomura at USJ is an Ito homage, and I've spoken at length about how Hawks's mother is another shoutout to the great master of Horror manga, being named for one of his most popular characters.

So, yeah, I think you can see the influence pretty clearly. I have a franken!dabi one-shot somewhere because I felt the influence way back when I got into this manga years ago, and I think it still holds up. I'm just not sure if we can say he hasn't read the original even outside this adaptation, because as far as I know, it's a fairly popular book in Japan as well and the first Japanese translation came out in 1953. Anyway, this is making me feel guilty about not working on my league meta where I essentially partition the entire meta with Frankenstein quotes.... Have one last Frankenstein panel with a parallel.

[star-on-a-beach]

Okay um. I really don't like doing this, like, ever

But

Tw for vent post, Bc idk, maybe it'll help if I talk about this where it'll be seen and not on a vent blog where I know no one sees it

So it's pretty obvious that pretty much everything right now is in kind of a shit state and I'm really at the end of my line trying to be optimistic about it. Presidential election, rp, guard, college, art, writing, all of this shit, even stuff I'm supposed to enjoy, makes me want to fucking shatter a rock because I don't want to do anything anymore other than scroll through social media on my phone which, I've probably developed an addiction, and of course that makes me feel even fucking worse bc I told myself I'd never get addicted and look at where I am now

So many things I'm unhappy with are really kind of tying back to me and I'm so angry at everything but especially myself now, but theres nothing I feel like I can do about it but try and break it all down I guess?

There's shit going on with color guard and, other than the friends I've made within it and the actual performances, I don't fucking enjoy it anymore because our coach is apparently super fucking shitty and a liar and unfair and argumentative and never sticks with the drill she writes and doesn't give us the resources to put it together correctly, WHEHN SHES LITERALLY OUR COACH AND THATS HER JOB, IVE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY KIND TO HER BUT WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME TALKING SHIT AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT A BAD PERSON SHE IS IM STARTING TO DO IT TOO AND I HATE IT

And then obviously there's the actual schoolwork that needs to get done, I thought I had not one, not two, but 3 FUCKING ESSAYS DUE ON THE 11TH, WHICH WERE ASSIGNED TO US ON WEDNESDAY, AND EACH HAD TO BE 700 WORDS LONG. Granted it doesn't actually have to be like that but teachers are talking about finals now and I'm going to have SO many essays for that and I have a whole debate too. I'm tired and sick of waking up at ridiculously different times for classes and not being able to have a goddamn nap bc I'm either working, procrastinating with the screens addiction again, or I don't have enough time because god knows I can't take power naps for SHIT, and I'm not fucking paying for coffee in this economy

I can't even relax how I normally want to because I'm so tired from everything, too. Writing big things for TAOCC or drawing feels like a chore, and then I feel obligated to draw others characters or I want to actually do so but I have no energy for it, and I can't get my art to look how I want it to perspective-wise, no matter how many tutorials I look at, and it never ends up the way I want and I haven't even finished TAOCCTOBER or Memoryquest, both of which I feel shitty for, because then they're both more things that I'm giving up on, and I give up on so much shit so easily unless I'm being pushed over and over and over and over, although rn I really wanna just say to hell with it and kill both of them entirely

And with taocc as a whole, I don't even know where to begin. I mentioned in my earlier post that I'm struggling to be assertive and actually say what I want with RP, which results in me feeling really unsatisfied with it a lot. I feel like people aren't interested in my characters and I need to be the one trying to build the characters' connections by asking questions, which. I love when other characters ask mine questions, because so much would be revealed if PEOPLE JUST ASKED. I know you guys don't mean it in this way but I feel like I'm trying to push all of this out, but I barely get anything back except for maybe one question or comment or smth, but it feels like the characters aren't interested in my characters' pasts, and that means the mods aren't either. Which, is really no fault of yours, whether you are or not, it's my fault because I can't bring myself to get off my high horse and actually say "hey, are you willing to have your characters ask about mine?" because I have the firm mentality of "if they wanted to, they would", and I'm trying to make other characters feel important while also craving mine to feel important, but the moment they do, I wonder if I'm taking the main-character roles too much and I need to even it out so I immediately divert the attention back to yours and feel shitty about it. Once again, this is no one's fault but mine, and this is partially why my relationship with my last rp partner, aka my ex bsf, ended, because I wasn't assertive enough and kept wondering if I was hogging the spotlight any time focus did switch to my characters which just isn't enjoyable for anyone. So I'm angry and terrified that these patterns which are repeating are going to lead to a similar outcome.

It isn't even just that though, I just really hate how I write as a whole rn. I used to be so poetic and good with words but now they read difficult unless I'm writing a great wall of text, and my characters aren't acting the way I want to, partially because I'm trying to morph them to get along more with other characters and diminish their flaws so they're liked by others, but it just takes away from who they were originally and I hate that as well. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the rp but for fucks sake I expect myself to be a better writer than this.... and I haven't even gotten around to fixing the fucked-up-with-a-side-of-cheddar timelines, which have been NAGGING at my mind for FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG, but once again, I don't even want to do anything anymore and I get mad bc the only things I wanna do are just self indulgent shit and like hell I'm asking for that from anyone (see, that's part of the problem, right there.)

I think the only thing I hate more than not being assertive with rp is the fact that I'm an adult among you all. Yes, being 18 now while the majority of you are minors is a massive fucking deal to me, and I'm realizing why exactly adults generally avoid friendships like this, because I'm constantly worried about being a good example to you all. I have to have the good advice, I have to be available, I have to be good with assertiveness and boundaries, hell part of the reason I try and avoid venting so much is because you all do not fucking need to have that burden. Every time I do something like this post I immediately think "these are kids and I'm an adult, it's kids trying to help an adult who should not be saying this stuff or laying this burden on them", as if I'm some kind of weirdo. I really try my damndest to not be one of those adults who dumps all their problems on adolescents in order to feel better about their own shitty life, I don't want to be the adult who their younger friends are comforting all the time and have that burden on them (yes, I am completely aware this post contradicts that, and yes, I am very ashamed but I feel Im at rock bottom and you guys deserve to know (but don't deserve the burden of it)). I don't feel like the example I want to be to you guys, I'm incredibly dense, and half the time, I feel like an oblivious idiot for the simplest fucking things in rp even when no one says anything that implies any of you guys think that. I get so annoyed as well, and that's another part I especially hate, it's that I get annoyed with the smallest things so damn easily, whether it's someone saying something random in call and breaking silence, or someone talking about a subject after we've moved on, or a rant that's gone on for a really long time. All of those are ridiculous things to be annoyed by, and I'm completely aware of that. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. It might also be the weather, but I'm so, so, so annoyed by so many tiny, insignificant things nowadays that it's ridiculous, and I've snapped on call a few times which I feel horrible about. I'm trying so hard to be a good, strong role model for all of you, because that's what you deserve and I want to be like that for you. But, both here and in real life, my own idiocy and density and emotions make me feel like I'm never going to escape being a dense, emotional, spacy child who keeps trying to catch up. And as an adult, I'm really, really, really upset that I feel like this because once again, you guys are the minors, not me. I'm not saying you guys should feel like that (I really hope not, no one should feel like that), but it feels even worse since I'm trying to be the adult for you guys to look up to, but I'm looking up to all of you instead. And then, even worse, I get jealous. Not of the bad shit you guys go through, but like. Insignificant things. Art styles, friends, activities, actually having your family around. I really hate myself for being jealous of that and always comparing and trying to match it since it's completely hypocritical of me otherwise.

I'm closing up this vent, but tw for some darker themes in the next paragraph

I'm really just kind of sick of life as a whole. I'm done being an adult, to hell with this, just let me be the younger friend again so I don't have to see myself as an old baby. I'm tired of all of this and the dark jokes I make, they're horrible, but they're becoming more common and I think about the content of them a lot. I'm so tired of this shit and feeling like this and I'm mad and ashamed that I'm making this post because of everything I said above. I'm so done with everything. To hell with this country, to hell with my future, to hell with drawing and writing and trying to put stuff out. At the time of writing this I'm crying, because I'm really really missing my dad. I want to hug him and be with him. I want my family overall to be okay. I want to feel happy and content with myself and my life like back in summer. I'm so sorry for having to say all this but it's the truth and, again, this is my last resort for trying to feel better because hell knows I don't have the initiative to make an appointment and talk to a therapist on campus. Ik this will go away later but ffs i don't know if I can wait until later.

Ok, heavy vent part is over

I've said a lot so I'm ending it here. If you choose to ignore this, that's fine. I'd appreciate some kind of acknowlegement, tbh, whether it's a like or a comment or something, or just a kind word (whatever you do, please don't just put *hug* and leave it at that, hugs dont really feel like they have much more meaning at this point). It feels ridiculous to ask you for comfort especially after kinda dumping all of this here for you guys to see but I might as well try ig. Idk, I'm gonna just try and not delete this out of shame.

I hope you all know that I love you guys so, so, so, so much. This community has brought me so much joy and leaving is the last thing I'd ever dream of unless I had to. I hope you guys don't mind me doing this too much. Logically Ik you probably don't but, really, none of what I just vented about is based in logic regardless.

Thank you for reading, whether it was skimming or fully reading it. Kind words are appreciated but obviously not forced and I love you guys so much. Goodnight ❤️

[newathens]

please write the book. or at least a in-depth post bcs i’m deeply curious.

so like I’ll go on and on for a second cause i need to get it off my chest because im so upset right now but know that im saying this through a lens of mental illness and pessimism and i don’t think u should take it as valid cause it’s borderline mean. im sure if i was more ‘healed’ or whatever i wouldn’t think like this but anyway

i don’t think we as a society are striving for weight loss anymore i think we as a society are striving for beauty. and i say this well aware of the current weight loss renaissance we’re in right now.

here’s the thing. u don’t need to be skinny to be pretty. there are bigger women who are drop dead gorgeous. but the thing is u have to have the right face and shape to pull off being bigger. and everybody gets so caught up in losing weight because that’s what’s drilled into us when in reality a decent chunk of people don’t need to do that. i have a theory that everyone has a size that they look best at and skinny is not that size for everyone. Sometimes, skinny looks worse

and there isn’t even just skinny or fat. there’s skinny, lean, muscular, athletic, defined, soft, pudgy, boxy, etc etc etc

And from what i have observed people get stuck on going after one body type when actually there are certain things that society has deemed unattractive across all body types and that’s where the problems come up. Highly desirable traits right now are a toned lower abdomen, a defined jawline, high brows, the cute upward curved nose but those i would view as stereotypical beauty at this point. Like Botox beauty

In my view, a heart shape face can get away with a soft jawline, hooked noses should not be touched, if you’re midsize a small apron belly is totally fine because most of the time it’s all complimenting that specific type of beauty category you are in. And sometimes fucking with that makes you look worse

for example, myself, i feel i am a mixture of all undesirable traits. My jaw is not defined, and i have an apron belly, and yes i am a bigger girl but im the WRONG type of bigger girl. Society likes a bigger girl that has a flatter tummy. She doesn’t have to be an hourglass shape, but her stomach definitely isn’t sagging. I refer to these ideal bigger girls as hidden muscle fat. She’s fat, but due to the muscle she has a shape that is an echo of lean

And i know i said wrong type of bigger girl but im actually going to contradict and say that you also can be a bigger with with a flat but and an apron belly, as long as that is the shape that compliments your specific body. Because there are women that have everything i have who are also drop dead gorgeous. And to me there’s like no debating this, i can tell within like a minute whether a body type is meant for someone or not that’s how much im analyzing 24/7

like im not gonna tell a bigger girl with evenly distributed fat and a heart shaped face to lose weight because she’s brilliant as is. She’s fitting the standard of one of many different beauty categories. im not going to tell a midsize girl who is in the perfect position to tone up to lose weight, because making herself skinnier may make her look worse in the long run actually

i feel like what we’ve always done is say get smaller and u will look better. Well no, that’s actually not the case. This explanation is a mess but are u getting weird way my mind works

i assumed u were curious abt my tags but i can always go on about body image and society separately another time

[roobylavender]

someone posted this panel regarding oliver vs bruces parenting taking a jab at bruce that seems funny enough, like we can just like the post and move on but i checked the notes and apparently fans of each family are at war arguing with each other😭mostly shitting on bruce because oliver is the better parent and somebody brought up how when queen and his kids were having issues at some point that it was ooc and while i am not super well read on GA stuff i can definitely buy that, but what i dont understand is why that isnt allowed for bruce. i saw tags concerning the other horrible things bruce has done as like a gotcha to bat fans and its like why are only his comics the ones we take at face value as 100% accurate and in good faith am i wrong for finding this dumb😭

not at all i totally agree it’s dumb lol 😭 the thing that confuses me about the bruce v oliver debate is that i don’t get why there’s a need to compare when their parenting issues are at completely different ends of the spectrum. granted i do think both of them have issues with communicating but those stem from different things. every problem bruce has as a parent has to do with how he neurotic he is about being a parent to begin with. he cares too much, he worries constantly, he carries reams of guilt, etc. he’s constantly arguing within himself whether to keep the people he loves close so he can make sure they’re safe or to let them go so they can pursue their own dreams and aren’t put in harm’s way bc he asked them to stay. he’s like, a conditional-helicopter parent, in the sense that the helicopter gene only activates when people are in his city, which is why he allows them to walk away bc then it means he’s not trying to control them (except we obv know that leads to the problem where they feel like he’s pushed them away bc they think he thinks they’re not good enough)

oliver to me in comparison is someone who initially did not take parenthood seriously enough and almost treated it like he did any other relationship. unlike bruce, he was very intentional with treating roy like an equal—when i use that modifier at the beginning what i mean to say is that bruce was very cognizant of his position as a parent. dick’s safety was a higher priority than was dick’s self esteem (at least beyond the zucco incident which had a very specific goal of closure) even though bruce very much came to believe that dick was his equal, esp as an adult—and to the extent that when roy got into serious trouble with drugs oliver not only expressed this sort of condemnatory disappointment but also only expressed pride at roy having recovered from his addiction later on bc it was something he did on his own. he respected roy’s responsibility and maturity even though realistically as a parent he should have stepped in to help bc roy was still barely an adult and he had fallen prey to drugs bc oliver left him alone in the first place

those are both styles of parenting that i think you can criticize. there’s pros and cons to being too protective of your children vs not protective enough. and i think people tend only to criticize the former style and its example in bruce bc a recovery of his relationships with his children has never been the goal in the way that it is for oliver’s writers. which is a shame bc i really don’t think you or i believe bruce is as intentionally selfish as writers portray him to be. but alas 😭

[angelsdean]

going thru fan forums of old makes me miss the age when fans knew what they liked and stuck to their bubbles or, if it was a general thread, there were unspoken rules that everyone act civil bc you're all there for the same reason (gushing abt a show / character / actor / ship you like). and of course this didn't always work, people will be people, but that's why they also had moderators! to make sure everyone stayed on topic and threads didn't devolve into mud-slinging fan wars.

the problems we have with the wide open roaming fandom spaces of now is, many people will engage with the same media and have different interpretations of it. that's fine! that's good even! but fandoms should be fun !!!! fandom are hobby and leisure spaces. you should primarily be having fun in fandom. if you're not having fun, if you're getting upset over other people's interpretations or seeing too much of what you don't like, then you need to step back and curate your space better.

irl should you live in a bubble or echo chamber? no, not at all. but if in fandom all you want to see is specific content about one ship or character or just play with your headcanons like it's a sandbox? then sure! find like-minded people and have fun.

and this is said as someone who gets very annoyed at certain fandom echo chambers for existing bc imo they're doing bad faith readings or misinterpreting large swaths of canon and still !! i won't begrudge those bubbles for existing, i just wish we could be more considerate and understanding that we are coming from different places and interpreting things differently and stay in our lane, stay in your thread, etc. don't hop onto another person's post when they didn't ask just to start "discourse" or argue your point.

and we don't have to be completely isolated, of course not. because i think it is fun and good to expose yourself to other ideas and interpretations. but if people want to have conversations, send a message! have an friendly debate or conversation if the other person is open to it. it's all fiction anyway! there's no reason to get mean or ugly about it.

but if you're really feeling miserable in fandom and not finding joy in it for whatever reason, it might be time to hit the bricks whether it's find a new fandom or find other people to follow or just take a step back for a bit. but yea, my motto is fandom should be fun!! you should be enjoying yourself!!

[kyouka-supremacy]

Hey! I was summoned by the tags you put under my post bc I also very much enjoy discussing ethics. I might make this into its own post so I'll try to not elaborate too much...

I think that I can't just decide for everyone if the difference between doing good for the sake of goodness or in order to save oneself matters, but for me, in most cases, including Dazai's case, it doesn't.

I like to believe that morality is a choice one can decide to make, and I don't think it's fair to take that away from them, regardless on how they might feel on the inside. It's a wonderful thing to act morally because it's your "natural" tendency, but I think people also have the right to do so deliberately, for a reason that they choose, without their choice being minimised. They're two different processes for sure, but if the outcome is good, then the action is a good action, and, if being moral is a choice, then I don't think I have the right to decide that only one intention or emotion that will lead there is good enough.

Also, doing good for your own sake and for the sake of others are mutually exclusive at all. One feeds the other, and if we were to put every person's actions under such scrutiny, we would ultimately run in circles.

So, for people outside the story, I would say that the debate does matter, but for the sake of the people involved, it doesn't, because the outcome is the same, especially since Dazai is so opaque as a character, and what he really feels about the things he does is so hard to read, so at the end of the day all most of them experience is his actions.

[Post this is referring to] Thank you for your elaboration, I loved hearing your opinion on the matter!!! That's close to consequentialism, isn't it? The consequences of one's actions, how much good they produced, are telling of it being morally right or wrong. I don't necessarily agree, but that's definitely a valid way to see it!!! I personally believe one's intentions are the most relevant aspect to take into account when judging whether and action is ethically rightful or not. Note that that is judging the moral of the action itself, and not giving a judgement on the person; people can have a million reasons to act selfishly, and in my very “humans are always inherently good” worldview more often than not it's caused by society rather than an actual preference to not be altruistic. But that doesn't change the fact that even a good action, if it isn't moved by good intentions, won't ever be passable of being morally right to me. Besides, then, wouldn't the other way round work to? Someone well intentioned, who's however incompetent, and ends up with their actions putting more bad in the world– as long as they're acting with a true desire to help others for the sake of it, their actions can't be considered morally wrong for me.

To clarify, with reference to your ask; I don't think people who do something for selfish reasons, and end up doing good, are morally rightful; but if they decide to do good, well, isn't that a well-intentioned aim itself? Then I think they stop being selfish to the extension that they consciously decide they're going to do good. That's not morally reprinandable at all.

Now, regarding Dazai... Honestly, I don't think Dazai is a good person. Because he never meant to do good for the sake of it. But now, the thing is, I don't think anyone in bsd is meant to be interpreted as good or evil– nobody, not Atsushi, not Mori, no one. When it comes to bsd– I do think bsd expresses a more or less nihilist worldview. And I know pretty much everyone else disagrees with me on this, I know, I'm sorry. But I do think there lies an undergoing message that good and bad are ultimately the same, and equally meaningless– it's there in Oda saying “Neither good nor evil mean much to you”, it's there in the way it makes you root for mafiosi like they were the good guys, it's there in the way Dazai never even considered to make amends for the bad things he's done (because they were never bad to begin with, because good and bad mean nothing anyway), it's there in the way it constantly shows good people doing bad and bad people doing good in a way that basically equalises them. To me there's really no point in discussing whether Dazai is good, because he is most evidently not, but that's only because he was never meant to be interpreted as such to begin with. Please refer to this post for further details; it's not surprising at all that Dazai switching over to the “good side” didn't come with a radical change of heart, and that he basically stayed the same, because how could he become good when that's no different than being evil, and those both mean nothing anyway?

And I know most people see bsd's core theme as finding a reason to live, and maybe it is, but even then I think that wouldn't be by denying its nihilism, but rather accepting it and finding a reason to live in spite of it: to me all of bsd really sums up in “that, at least, is a little more beautiful”.

[tsaritsa]

tagged by @dairogo @megthemighty and @fullmetalscullyy to post some work from a wip. i was actually tagged yonks ago, but y'all made me open my scrivener doc which means i have to write another 1k words for it bc i want my stats to look good (lmao.... for who? for MY anxious mess of a brain) anywAY

“It’s good to have goals,” she tells him eventually. His responding laugh is devoid of any warmth.

“Why? So my hopes can be dashed anyway?” Malfoy shoots back, that familiar cruel tone curling around his words. “Like I’d listen to a fucking m—”

“No.” Hermione interrupts firmly. At least she knows how to behave when his cruelness is directed at her. This is familiar in an bittersweet way. Some things would never change. “Your lot lost the right to use that word when you lost the war.”

“I was going to say muggleborn,” he sneers, but Hermione is not convinced. “Who despite being hailed as a genius and the smartest witch of our age, much to the continued dismay of our dearest dead Dark Lord, still doesn’t grasp pureblood society because she assumes that there is justice and fairness inherent in it. There is not. My survival will hinge entirely on whether the Wizengamot thinks that there is still something of value to extricate from the Malfoy name: whether that be money, resources, or influence. What happened, what choices were made don’t matter. They never did.”

“You’re wrong Malfoy. You saved Harry at the Manor. You saved all of us.” It feels like all the air leaves her lungs as she says it.

“You’re confusing me with the elf,” he corrects her tersely.

Why is she even debating this with him at all? Clearly he wasn’t going to listen to her. “Sure,” she answers with forced lightness, picking up the map and moving off the bench. “I’m sure your Aunt would’ve been much kinder with me if you had simply told her who I was.” Her arm prickles, but Hermione’s determined to make her point known before she acknowledges the physical response she’s having — she will not have a panic attack in front of Malfoy for Christ’s sake. “I’m sure it would’ve become a whole family affair while you waited for Voldemort to arrive—”

“Don’t say his name—” he snarls.

“I’ll say his name if I fucking please you coward—”

Malfoy stands so abruptly he knocks over both their mugs: they shatter noisily onto the stone floor. He’s moved past her towards the entrance in three quick steps, the slam of the painting echoing in the room. Miffy and another elf appear in front of her, exclaiming at the noise and setting about vanishing the broken crockery. Hermione can feel the tears coming, like she’s on the shore and waiting for the tsunami to arrive, rooted in spot.

this thing is at 50k and i'm still nowhere near done lmfao. hoping to get to 100k before the end of the year and maybe start publishing? idk. we'll see how it goes. these two just don't wanna kiss!!! i'm serious:

tag urself i'm the chapter where i write sex (but get distracted, and don't write sex)

tagging @royai @megthemighty @fullmetalscullyy @hedonysms @dairogo @firewoodfigs and @nightofnyx8 for excerpts of whatever y'all are writing!!!! fma poetry ur shopping list whatEVER

[cicadidae-tm9899]

Ok i want to share my Disco Elysium skills because writing this is way harder than i thought it'd be lmao. This will be a long post bc there are 24 of these and I'm writing a description for all of them, so check under the cut if you're interested in reading me psychoanalyze myself! (also I'm sorry for how many culinary references there are in the skill names and also in the fic. Like, the fic is about me going to school which is just a shitton of cooking. I spend like 75% of my day in various kitchens so it's kinda hard to avoid mentioning it when talking about myself lol.)

Intellect- •Logic = Inference: With so many silent communications and unwritten social cues, the best some of us can do is infer meaning in everyday life. Having done this for so long has left you with the skill to guess at things and somehow make it out of the situation correct.

•Encyclopedia = Scribe: A penchant for writing essays and sessions reading the dictionary with your dad has left you with a dramatic vocabulary and a tendency to regurgitate information on a whim. It only seems to work while writing, as your speech patterns are long-winded and stumbling.

•Rhetoric = Embellishment: You have never been good at debating, always stumbling over your words and overthinking every possible retort until the time for response has passed. You are, however, great at hyperbole, and can make up stories on the fly whenever necessary. This is a defense mechanism.

•Drama = Attitude: A term coined by your parents after many an overreaction, Attitude would likely be better understood as just Drama, but the shame of subpar emotional regulation skills is easier to deal with than explaining to people that sometimes your emotions are too big and even you don't think it's that big of a deal, but yelling helps sometimes.

•Conceptualization = Creativity: Always the artist, right? Without the technical skill to translate ideas to paper all you can do is dream, and you've done plenty of dreaming in your day. A vivid imagination is as much of a curse as it is a blessing, so try not to let your mind wander too far again.

•Visual Calculus = Conversion: You've always been keen on "eyeballing it." Trusting your instincts and past experience when measuring things, whether it be in a recipe or gauging someone's reaction to something, you always feel like you can get the ratios just perfect. You are often wrong.

Psyche- •Volition - Discretion: Weaker than it should be for someone of your age. Always being forced into situations against your will has led to a warped sense of what you want and why you want it. You really should focus more on your own feelings.

•Inland Empire = Apprehension: Thanks to your sense of Empathy, your trust has been worn down by other people taking advantage of you. It's easy to back out of sketchy situations, but when it comes to someone's feelings you are almost always the last to leave. Once again, listen to the nagging in the back of your mind. It means well.

•Empathy = Empathy: Your father always said you were the most empathetic person he knew. This is often detrimental to yourself and your loved ones, as you always seem to gravitate towards the saddest people and give them everything you have without concern for your own well-being. This has always had long-term consequences.

•Authority = Privilege: You know you have no right to take as much as you do, and you try to help fight for everyone's rights, but it is becoming increasingly hard to ignore how good you have it and how much you take advantage of that. You can't help but feel like you deserve it.

•Esprit de Corps = Brigade de Cuisine: In almost everything, there is a hierarchy. Always a bigger fish, always a higher power. Remember that you are low on the food chain, and you will have to claw your way to the top even if it kills you (It will.)

•Suggestion = Proposition: You have spent years perfecting the art of white lies. They come easily to you, almost as easily as breathing. This has caused as much good as it has bad, saving you from minor inconveniences on many occasions but also digging you deeper into pits of guilt. This too is a defense mechanism (one that would be leagues more effective if you could manage to keep your mouth shut.)

Physique- •Endurance = Grit: Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You've made it this far and you sure as hell ain't gonna quit now. If you don't make it through this bit then everything leading up to this was for nothing so keep going. The pain is a privilege.

•Pain Threshold = Discomfort: Yet another symptom of your parent's judgements, it feels less like you're determining a level of pain and more like fighting a losing battle with your body, always trying to find a small bit of comfort in the midst of the constant aches and pains. They say it's rude to sit like that in church.

•Physical Instrument = Incarnate Vehicle: Threadbare seats, chipped paint, and mysterious creaking sounds be damned, this MC still gets you from place to place with undeterred consistency. It will squeal and groan with the effort, but you were built strong and you want to show it. Deteriorating but still reliable.

•Electrochemistry = Hedonist: With your upbringing, you spent many years shielded from the world and all the delights it offers. No amount of school assemblies have deterred you from yearning to partake in the myriad of vices you find yourself offered. Let's make up for lost time, baby! Get out there and get wild. This shitty college town is your oyster and it's been waiting for you.

•Shivers = Tumbleweed: There's a specific kind of nostalgia that washes over you when you spot a tumbleweed meandering across your path. Echoes of past droughts and moments spent poolside. This debris has seen more than you ever could, and will continue its journey until the end of time.

•Half-Light = Panic: That creeping dread you know all too well, crawling up your spine anytime you go outside. What if he's here again? He could have found you. Ever-present anxiety always keeping you on your toes, making even the familiar feel hostile. Prey instinct.

Motorics- •Hand/Eye Coordination = Knife Skills: You have been training for years to improve your coordination, and all that work has certainly paid off. Precise cuts made without a second glance, measured to the millimeter with only your muscle memory. A perfect julienne in seconds.

•Perception = Awareness: You often find yourself favoring smaller details over the bigger picture. This had led people to believe that you don't pay attention, when in reality you pay more attention than most. Always noticing small inconsistencies. Your hearing is going, but it only takes you a second longer than others to understand, and the chronic allergies have left you with a subpar sense of smell, but your eyes are sharp and your fingers can detect the most minuscule details.

•Reaction Speed = Reflex: You know that a falling knife has no handle, and yet you still flinch in the direction it flew. Even still, all you ever do is flinch. The instinct to grab the knife is inhibited by your seeming inability to truly act. Keep flinching, maybe someday your hand will move at the right time and you'll catch the knife.

•Savoir Faire = Charm: You always want people to think you have it together, so you spend time and money and energy to look the part, and then turn up the charisma when someone looks your way. They cannot see the you that hides behind flashy clothes and makeup. You do not like what they would see. You know it's only a grocery run, but maybe this time someone will take notice. So always have a joke ready. Make sure even your lazy clothes look decent.

•Interfacing = Tech Support: A summer spent in a dingy office with a borrowed computer and expensive camera equipment has lent you a decent amount of knowledge with computers. Though it isn't much more substantial than anyone else your age, it has earned you plenty of compliments from older family members or coworkers.

•Composure = Mask: Try not to react. They will know exactly what thoughts are in your head if your face moves even the slightest bit, so you mustn't let them know how you feel. Keep those big feelings down, big fella. Keep those walls tall.

[wttcsms]

Amber, I'm back to yell at you!!!! I'm literally dying over Most Noble what?! Its sooo good, i literally took a deep breath while my eyes watered cause of that ending! Oh to be in love with Sir Nanami 😍 He really is too much, the way he wants the mc so much, it gives off enemy to lovers vibes, with a lot of slow burn! Its so good the way I gasped when i read it on AO3 cause it said chapters 1/1 😭 No, its too good, YOU'RE the reason i even love Nanami so I refuse to believe thats it for them. But also thank you for that, it was such a good read the pining got me right in the feels i had to take a moment for myself to calm down. Please don't say its over 😭

Moving on lols, the way I read Balancing Act this morning! I wanted to scream, and I'm in no way a morning person but that one woke me up! Gojo being so self assured, I love that for him. The way you wrote the whole crew working for Gojo and Getou! Nanami saying that Getou is just like Gojo but would give himself 6 months instead KILLED ME!!!! Also just Nanami, and his whole work is shit rang through my head when you said he left then came back 😭 Just the way you wrote them all is soo good, the interaction between Gojo and Mc oooomph absolute genius! Utahime and Gojo friendship! Personally that little bit got me hook line and sinker cause i dont ship them 🫠 Finally that flashback of them as teenagers in high school!!! Yes queen him falling in love and not realizing it but also i loved that the mc ruined what i assumed would be his year of just fucking around! Its god tier I know im going to add this to my list of comfort fics!!!

hi hi, i was waiting til when i was less busy so that way i could give this lovely msg a proper response!!! as always, i love love love hearing ur thoughts and seeing u in my notifs makes me so happy, like kicking my feet and giggling happy because ur such an amazing reader and i love hearing ur thoughts on my work.

first of all, even w/out me, u would have fallen for nanami bc that's just the type of man he is. most noble was so fun to write purely bc i didn't have a set plot line in place, i just let the word vomit spew all over my docs and clicked post on tumblr. that being saidddddd, i am always open to revisiting our princess and sir nanami bc the fun part in writing mutual pining is the eventual getting together. like all fairytales, they are so gonna have a happy ending <3

im so happy you've read balancing act because for me, it's such a fun project and a way for me to not so subtly vent out any pent up feelings i had towards my experience in working in banking in nyc BAHAHAHA. i think workplace dynamics are so fun to write as well & i really wanted to incorporate just how blurry boundaries are within the field but also how close knit they truly are because most of the time, you see your coworkers more than your family and your significant other and it's hard not to become friends or something more (it's either that, or u all hate each other's guts LOL). geto and gojo would not be besties if they weren't both absolute menaces, i stand by that. utahime + gojo are lowkey MY dramione HAHA, and so i always like to write them in some type of relationship, whether that be platonic or romantic. they def squabble like siblings in this fic + it's going to be so much fun writing them in a diff light than i normally do (what's up for debate is whether or not i hint towards nanami x utahime :O) nanami found out that working in academia is JUST AS TOXIC as industry, so he's back bc, hey, at least he gets paid hella money, but we'll explore more nanami lore in balancing act once i decide on his exact role in the fic muahahaha.

thank you for always reaching out with your thoughts on my writing and just to chat in general, it means the world to me <3

[princemonday]

runext finale thoughts:

weird asf group name and weird asf lineup. like idk why two of them are there but im not gonna send them hate and if they have good music ill still stream even though my faves didnt all make it. yk like a normal person would 🤷🏻‍♀️

so when i heard that korean votes would be used for the top two i knew exactly what hybe was up to. they wanted wonhee to debut. it probably would have been way closer...maybe fourth or fifth place if they used international votes and they didnt want to risk it. whether they meant to make jiwoo collateral or not is up for debate though.

i really think the judges just didnt like jiwoo bc what the fuck. i think hybe (and, consequently, the judges) knew who would be top two if they made the finale votes mostly korean and in doing so planned for the other four to not be jiwoo.

so i kinda predicted jiwoo falling out but jeemin? wow. i didnt expect that. she was never in my picks but she seemed to have that factor. i thought she and youngseo would be top two with youngseo being first and when i found out about korean voting, i assumed jeemin would take yunah or moka's spot. i cant even begin to theorize how that didnt happen.

iroha and wonhee were the judges favorites. this was clear as day. iroha was very much favored by the judges. she got second place on her team in given and taken and third overall after the bang! performance (stages where she made mistakes.) i think irohas personality is very charming and if theres no jeemin or jihyun we need a main dancer like her but shes still very young to me and her vocals arent very developed (see money and shut down performances.) wonhee is honestly a topic i dont want to discuss again but since im going over all the winners heres my opinion plainly:

shes too young. she trained the least out of everyone. she has a constant lost duck expression. she (like ena) had the potential to train some more and become a banger main vocalist (her tone is very pretty.) she fumbled the fearless performance. she ate the ssfwl and feel special performances up (showing her rapid growth.) her debut definitely robbed jeemin and jiwoo but the hate for her is absolutely disgusting. thats all.

youngseo....yeah i mean whos surprised? not really much to say other than good for her. i guess i dont like her voice but that doesnt mean its bad. she deserves it even though she was never in my picks. i will say though that she has tsuki syndrome. which ive classified as having very intense charisma and facial expressions so everyone thinks youre the perfect example of stage presence. over the top expressions doesnt mean talented idol. of course youngseo is talented also but if i had to point to the contestant with the best stage presence and expressions it would be jeemin no doubt. (neither of these girls were ever in my picks so im being v unbiased here)

moka....will rule the world. so proud of her. eat sleep moka.

yunah being sixth is wild. i think they just did that for shock value. shes the mood maker yall. live laugh yunah.

lastly minju....again good for her. very versatile and professional. her vocal tone is the most unique in the show and if they don't have jiwoo they'll need a stand out vocalist like her. (still hate that she had the entire i dont care performance while hyewon had like 3 lines even with voicing her uncertainty but we move on)

heres what my lineup out of the final 10 wouldve been vs my predictions vs what happened

my ideal lineup (in order from first to sixth place)

jiwoo, yunah, moka, jeongeun, minju, iroha

my predictions for the final lineup:

youngseo, jeemin, minju, wonhee, jiwoo, and moka or yunah (without korean popularity vote. with it jeemin and wonhee would switch places)

the final lineup:

wonhee, youngseo, minju, iroha, moka, yunah

really hope to see the other girls in other projects soon. esp jiwoo. justice 4 jiwoo. ill make another post going over my thoughts of the eliminated contestants soon </3

[f1-giuki]

Eh eh thank you darling @carronyaflowers for the tag!

Rules: Post 10 of your fave movies and tag 10 people.

1. Amarcord by Federico Fellini. God, I can't quantify how much I love this movie, from the absurd characters to the stories that hit close to home, the settings, the accents and the music!!! The photography, the cinematography and the colours! This movie feels like remembering home once you're on your way back after a trip that you loved but left you drained. (The title means I remember!)

2. Radio Days by Woody Allen. Again, I am a sucker for nostalgic movies that talk about how people grew up. I love this it's such a funny movie, and the soundtrack is amazing! The cast is spectacular and the overall quality of the movie is stellar! This is a movie you want to watch if you're in a creative slump, it's that good.

3. Annie Hall by Woody Allen. I watched this movie more times than I could count. I loved this movie because how it was shot and because of how happy it made my parents when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult and I can understand this movie, I love it because of how it depicts change, I love how weird but still strangely real the characters are, how it portrays an alienated character which is full of flaws. And the jokes are supreme (especially those about LA jsjsjsjs).

4. Cars by Disney Pixar. I literally can recount the lines from this movie by heart. Talking about cult classic movies, this is the one. Made me fall in love with cars and stuff with wheels. I thought for like three years of my life, when I was a kid, that Lightning was bullshitting Luigi and he actually was a Ferrari because he was red. This is my get out of depression/jail card.

5. Ratatouille by Disney Pixar. Honestly Remi is the sole reason I cook and I don't despise France too much. I LOVE THIS RAT and his passion and the fact that he doesn't hesitate in life, that he's full of flaws and talent and he still can make it work, even if life can be shit. My life goal is to make that soup. I will make it one day. I also learned an unhealthy amount of facts about rats bc of this movie. I LOVE IT.

6. Rush by Ron Howard. ANOTHER. MOTORSPORT. MOVIE. I don't have a personalities outside going vroom vroom, I'm sorry. I love Niki Lauda and I love Daniel Brühl, so this movie was made for a mf like me. It's a comforting movie, I love it, I watch it at least twice a year with my mom at lunch time and it's a family rule not to skip this if we find it while browsing through the TV channels.

7. The Grand Budapest Hotel by Wes Anderson. MASTERPIECE! The colours, the cinematography, the cast, the story, the fucking painting and the prison and the characters? This is what a movie should be like, this is the visualisation of genius, pure and surreal genius.

8. Mamma Mia! by Phyllida Lloyd. What more can I say. This is what I aspire to do in life, this is how my brain works.

9. Inglorious Bastards by Quentin Tarantino. Now, I love a good Tarantino movie, but I was debating whether or not to put Pulp Fiction instead of this, but honestly this is a little less pulp and more enjoyable. It has the right amount of violence, it gives enough satisfaction against the nazis and it has Christoph Waltz and Daniel Brühl, what can I say? What could you want more out of a movie?

10. Sense and Sensibility by Ang Lee. Now, this is a spot that is hard to give away, especially because I had like three movies I'd have liked to put here (all Jane Austen adaptations! the others were Emma 2020 and Pride and Prejudice 2005) but I chose Sense and Sensibility because I would do anything for period drama Hugh Grant. I love you Edward Ferrars.

anyone who sees this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged my darling👀💖