#death note hell 5ever

[1plus3isb]

DN, but Hot To Go

Aka who I think would know the dance, and/or like Chappell’s music in general

Misa would try to teach the whole task force. I feel like she’d be a big Chappell fan.

Matsuda is very enthusiastic about learning it.

Mogi learns it only because he feels as Misa’s manager it might be something he should know.

L has no interest in it until he sees how annoyed it makes Light. So he feigns interest and encourages Light to do the dance too.

Light hates Chappell’s music and is not quiet about it. Bitches every time Misa plays a song. Refuses to learn and knows L is only learning to get under his skin. Later it’s stuck in his head and he wants to scream.

Soichiro refused to learn from Sayu and is also refusing to learn from Misa. “We’re in the middle of an important case!”

I’ve always head cannoned that Matt would be very up to date with slang, and I feel like he would research any trends going on. So if he happened upon the Hot To Go dance he would definitely research it. Would not teach himself the dance.

Mello on the other hand. I feel like he would pretend like he doesn’t particularly like her music or know the dance, but he secretly loves it and will indeed blast her music sometimes and dance around. He needs something to release some tension in his life. Matt walked in once and at first Mello was embarrassed, but eventually Matt can be like sitting on the bed playing a game and Mello will just throw on the music and attempt to annoy and distract Matt from his game. Matt ends up learning the dance to dance with Mello.

Near has no idea who Chappell is and has never heard the song. I feel like the only music Wammy Kids were allowed to listen to growing up were like, instrumentals, and Near just never ventured beyond that.

I think Beyond’s music taste would truly be a mixed bag. Like. Super chaotic, you really don’t know what is going to play next. So I feel like he would like the song, but not necessarily know the dance.

Bonus shinigami.

Misa teaches Rem and Ryuk the dance. Rem learns because she is a simp for Misa. Ryuk learns because he enjoys pissing Light off. Will just be in one of Light’s classes by the teacher doing the dance like “hey, hey light! H-O-T-T-O-G-O, I would like to fucking go” because he’s bored af and probably forgot the lyrics. Probably the melody too. He’s trying. Light hates it.

[1plus3isb]

i made a uquiz. go take it

[pancake-nikkitty]

So I’ve had this thought for awhile

And no, its not Obey Me related, surprisingly.

But like Death Note characters in the MHA universe. Specifically, Matt&Mello.

So I see Mello as being in the hero course, and Matt is definitely in the support course. Matt does a lot of the technological programming for everyone’s tech, but I don’t see him making much of his own. Coding and fine tuning electrical components in the background. Quirk is like Techno/Cyberkenesis.

I can’t pin down a quirk for Mello yet though. I kind of like the idea of him being quirkless and just works really hard to be the best, or something where his quirk&his body aren’t really compatible and he starts doing whatever he can to work around it. But I haven’t thought of anything that screams Mello yet 😕

But my main point is just like. I love the idea of Matt, Mello, and Mei being really good friends. Mello down to test Mei’s babies, Matt helping program them. I just feel like they’d be so goddamn chaotic together. Mei waking Matt up in their dorms at 3am like “Matt look at this BABY.” And the rest of the support class wakes up to see them sitting in the common area tinkering and talking about it. Mello frequently sleeping in the support dorms because he’ll be there late working with Mei&Matt and just stays the night. Studying and building each other up and vibing together and just. The triple M threat.

I wanna cosplay Matt again and I 💯 want to do a MHA Matt too.

[partyinthemysterymachine]

I'M CURIOUS AF WHO ARE THESE TWO MONSTERS NEAR POOR SCARED HARRY? 😳😳😳👀👀👀

SHAKES AND VIBRATES

oh!! oh you wish to know my monsters?? u wish to hear GOOMT's monsters?? WELL!!!! ha ha ha OOOHHH

OOH I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!!!

(no rly bless u, ilusm, thank u for asking and ur vested interest, i'm REALLY SUPER appreciative ❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚)

and ofc, since u know i gotta, here is the obligatory link to my Harry/James glacial slowburn, Get Out Of My Town, and GOOMT’s corresponding blog for updates, aesthetics, art, and all that jazz!

NOW KEEP IN MIND: these are only descriptions of the monsters in the full picture i did here. there are others in the monster cast too, that are LOTS of barrels of fun, and VERY intricate and intriguing in their own way, just as the ones mentioned/following.

(the picture itself is a part of the GOOMT actor AU, where it’s all just a show, folks! (consider it to the likes of the Silent Hill blooper reel, which we were ROBBED OF in later games >:( 🔪 @ konami 5ever) and you can find its tag here.)

CONTENT WARNING: descriptions of child death, James Sunderland

JAMES SUNDERLAND 

James Sunderland is a stupid little idiot weasel and conduit of Silent Hill. he has so many problems and is not going to do anything about it because he’s a stupid and depressed little wanker who doesn’t have any rights, not that he ever did in his life. 

after the events of Silent Hill 2, James pitched himself into the lake but the town wasn’t gonna let him off easy. it had plans, and needs, for James. our boy here crawled right out of Toluca Lake after haphazardly (and illegally, but whatever; who’s gonna give him a ticket? .. yeah that’s what i thought) parking it in its depths and has remained in South Vale ever since. James sure darn well tried, but he cannot escape through death at his own hand, or otherwise. in fact, the monsters he (and we) have come to know and love have gradually become disinterested in him.

(as for Pyramid Head? huh! well, it’s weird; James hasn’t seen him around in quite a while.. hrm.. really gotta wonder what’s up with that.. ;3c )

what it means to be a conduit of Silent Hill, however, is a little complicated; but the baseline is that he’s Silent Hill’s little battery pack. it needs him and through fun time psychological (and physical, now and again.. but the monsters don’t wanna play anymore, for some reason..) torture, James does what he does best and wallows a sure hell of a lot, thus accumulating nutritious and scrum-diddily-umpious negative power for the town.

oh 👂 you ask, “and for what does it need it, and why James?” great question!

wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?? ;) but you can read about it all riiight here, babey!!

ok ok jk jk (sorta lol) (bc i mean come on. ISN’T he a monster, tho......? ....hrrmmm hmm hmmmmm........ sources point to yes, if SH2 has anything to say about it, LOL)

let’s ACTUALLY start with my HONEST personal favorite:

THE MEMORY OF HARRY

(this monster was very aptly named by a good friend of mine - hi Gospel! - and so credit must be given where credit is due.)

ART BY capitán solsikke

(uncertain of where solsikke is keeping their public art contacts/social media now, so solsikke, if u happen to see this, pls drop ur deets so i can link back to u pls :< pls..)

FURTHER NOTE: to reduce the long post scrolling and bc tumblr’s image insertion format is horrid, i’m going to put additional art/links to the GOOMT blog posts for Memory of Harry, bc y’all REALLY gotta see the actual faithful renderings of him i also commissioned from capitán solsikke

the Memory of Harry first appeared at the end of GOOMT’s Chapter 27: Yeah, Me Neither. his description is as follows (and ADDITIONAL NOTE: Harry is, GOOMT-canonically, left-handed):

A lean man teetered on exhausted legs. Because his entry only allowed them to view him from the side, from that angle they saw he wore a brown leather jacket discolored by smoke stains and was torn at the shoulder. The jeans on his legs were tainted and ratty, and his shoes only held together by determination.

From what could be told of his profile, this man’s face had retained most of its features, despite the crusty, black skin covering every inch. His dark hair lay flat on his head, save for a wispy few strands that fanned loose over his brow. Misshapen scarring created a thick, blinding patch over his visible eye. And lastly, the reason his nonstop weeping was muffled was due to a mouth sewn shut so many times that it was replaced by nothing but a bulky, knotted mask.

But this visage was nothing compared to his cargo. In his hand he held a smaller one attached to a thin, tiny arm, of which was connected to the raw and burned corpse of a little girl. She was on her belly, her head hung like a sack of sand between her shoulders, obscuring her face, and her stringy, oily black hair dangling and swaying with every move the man made. On her body was a tattered blue dress, perhaps once long-sleeved as suggested by the remains of ripped fabric at her elbow, and black shoes over white socks patched by dried orange blood and char. Wherever she was forced to go, she left a wet streak of black and crimson in her wake.

James scrutinized this gruesome new monster hard while it shuffled directionless and wracked with demoralizing sobs. It didn’t seem to know they were there and moved at such a slow pace that James figured they were in no immediate danger. He looked at Harry for guidance.

Harry, however, was in no state to do anything but remember how to breathe. His face was contorted in grief and oddly, recognition. James eyed him, somewhat disturbed by it but moreso uncertain, then took his stare back to their visitor.

The victim of a fire unknown changed his direction, somehow having noticed they were there and faced them. Wherever it could be seen, his skin was indeed blackened, cracked, and flaking like bark, and revealed that both of his eyes were blindfolded by the scarring. Beneath the leather jacket, which sported a broken replica of their flashlights, was a sweater vest that bore a royal blue color somehow notable under the charcoaled damage. It was frayed at the hems and layered over a shirt that was once white. But now that he had confronted the resident and veteran full on, James could have never been prepared for what brought it all together:

The bereaved’s left hand which, until now, had been hidden on his other side, was not empty - and never could be. His arm hung lifeless and his fingers welded, forever clutching, a long, rusted, and bloody steel pipe.

James’s lips parted, and his heart dropped like lead straight through the floors.

Neither moved, and the man, at his snail’s pace, sought to meet them. The next garbled cry caused Harry to twist his bludgeon so hard in his white-knuckled fists that his arms briefly trembled. Each step drew the walking corpse a little bit closer, and still, they couldn’t find their feet. With the pieces having fallen together, the implications of what was before them pulled the ropes in James’s stomach tight enough to make him vaguely nauseous.

James heard himself utter a whisper of his companion’s name. His voice seemed to shake Harry out of his stupor, and in time to choke back sob of his own before it began.

He didn’t even feel his vocal cords nor his tongue move when he spoke again. “Is that..”

“It’s me,” Harry said thickly. “Yeah. That’s me.”

===

he was, considering his importance, intended to be used sparingly - and he is. this monster is (thus far, and understandably,) Harry’s least favorite monster, lmao. Harry would really rather this guy Didn’t, but hey - ain’t nobody here that’re gonna let HIM call the shots any time soon!! 

the Memory of Harry is an extremely foreboding warning and tale on two legs. he is also 100% capable of ruining Harry’s day in a pinch, just by existing. 

(Harry really doesn’t like to think about him.)

CRYING, BURNING WOMAN

(who is taking a moment out of her day to T-pose to get her point across; and of whom has not yet been properly rendered in art form BUT I’M WORKING ON FIXING THAT 👀 @ all local artists with commissions open)

this monster tends to travel in packs of two or more. she’s first seen alone, and is the debut monster in GOOMT’s story, in Chapter 5: Stop Stopping

From the fog emerged a staggering, loose-limbed creature that was closer than either of them had anticipated. It shuffled on buckled legs, its ropey arms swinging carelessly in the momentum. The head drooped on its neck, masking its face from everything but the asphalt, and they ought to be grateful for it. The entirety of this abomination was ravaged in sickening swirls of exposed muscle, black rot eating away at its flesh, and raw, peeling skin. Like most of the hell creatures in Silent Hill, it was an impossibility. The thing moved as though it was treading through tar, but these two were wise to the fact that that shouldn’t be undermined.

The stench of it reached them as soon as they saw it, triggering bile washing up Harry’s throat, and gritted disgust on James’s face. It smelled of charred meat forgotten in an industrial oven fueled by sulfur and was heavy with the unmistakable odor of wet, moldy clothes. Every breath it took sounded labored and painful, and vaguely feminine. In its wake were slicks of thick blood, and if they dared to be any more observant, flung drops of blood from its stiff fingertips as the arms swayed.

she’s seen again, in Chapter 10: Turn Around, Look At What You See

The smell reached them. It was the same they’d experienced before: burnt flesh and moldy clothes. Harry remembered what she looked like, how her arms swung and her spine could barely support her. Her flesh had been peeling, burnt to the bone in some places, and her head hung to conceal her shame. It sounded like there were more than one of these tortured women - perhaps two or three. 

and in Chapter 11: The Pocket Travel Guide To Silent Hill, James reflects upon them - and one other.

There were the crying, burning women, and the creature made of static and fumes. The former were forever smoldering, blighted by singed holes in their baked flesh, and dripped black, acidic ichor. Some were bald, their scalps incinerated, and others had long black hair that was both wet and decorated with kindling flames. When they staggered, their faces were obscured by the way their heads hung on broken necks, and when dead, Harry and James rolled them over to unearth the fact that their eyes were blinded by melted skin and their mouths silenced by a red square made of steel. How their screams were audible from behind the plates, they didn’t know. Their bodies reeked of gasoline and scorched wood. 

===

(sensing a pattern, here? >;) )

now in that, there’s mention of a “creature made of static and fumes”. she is not pictured, and has a different appearance - and she’s a radio mimic. the radio (huh.. radio..... what’s going on with that radio.....? is it broken...?? hrm. better take it anyway) mimic.

as you can imagine, she’s also one of Harry’s beloved favorites. ;3c

and finally, however quite (so far) unfairly depicted and appearing MUCH later into the story:

THE LOST BOY (1 of 2)

his (and his better(?) half’s) first appearance comes in Chapter 54: Touché

And before one could say “knife”, galloping, meaty claps on vinyl tile heralded the proper, and fashionably late, introduction of the quadrupedal couple. Upon emerging into the artificial headlights, however, they recoiled. At once, and reminiscent of their earlier behavior on the security monitor, Harry and James watched them volley apart. Furthermore, their emotions seemed to be unchanged from the scene with the girl in the corridor.

Demonstrating that behavior in person sowed the seeds of interest, for as intimate as they seemed to be, they also showed signs of having a mysterious, innate fear of being seen together. The predators chose their quarry and took sides on an archer’s bow. During their slow, deliberate advance, they verified the surmised size discrepancy as correct  - and the larger made James its target.

Its hunched skeleton made it hard to decipher its entire build, but anyone could see that it boasted the hallmarks of an athlete: lean, sturdy, balanced, and if it stood on its legs, would probably surpass the six foot mark. In contrast, its partner, who had business with Harry, posed an all around average height and body type. As far as fitness went, this was one that strongly hinted it preferred the bleachers, as there was barely any muscular definition on it at all.

Other than that, the pair’s bodily design was nothing special. Moist and raw burns covered their unpalatable topography from head to toe, mapping out ice cream swirl streets hued in apricot and ripe peach, and pronouncing the sewage brown lagoons dotting them like Dalmatians. Their figures were ugly to be sure, but they weren’t the focus - their faces were.

At one side of the mouth, a necrotic, flat, fabric string vertically secured the starting base of a pattern. It was a simple motif, too: laced shoes. Criss-crossing over the lips and tunneling north and south through septic punctures ringed by crystalized pus eyelets, the strings wove impenetrable diamonds all the way to the other side, triple-knotted in gunky yellow paste, and the uneven ends left dangling. Once upon a time, these mouths must’ve had something to say, or needed to say; but none were permitted to listen. They, like all other fiends, were victims of silence.

Harry and James didn’t much care for the trendy, stringent enforcement of ‘silence is the best policy.’ A while ago, Harry, at least, began to suspect that there was significance behind each individual, unique means; granted, the allegation seemed like no-brainer. All aside, the two here helped build his case.

He’d chew on it later.

Two slanted holes pretended to be a nose, and above them sat two anomalous eyes.  One visualized the world through an eternal squint, the eye semi-obscured by a grafted skin bandage. The second, in juxtaposition, told further tale of torture. Stapled to brow and cheek were the upper and lower lids, stretched beyond capacity to plate the living, twitching centerpiece netted in spider silk threads. Firetruck red painted the inverted inner lids, and by merciful grace of the monster’s exotic biology, the socket and orbit glittered from moisture that preserved its functionality.

===

RUBS NASTY LITTLE FLY HANDS

ooh, this pair - OOOH, this P A I R. i LOVE this double trouble. i was VERY excited to introduce them, because they are A TREAT. these boys are a first for GOOMT’s story for being boys, so gosh..... gosh, ho hum hrmmm hmm mmmmrmmm hrrrrmmmm, wonder what that could mean??? 

>;3c

but yeah, as you can see - their details are quite immense and uhhh.. all we got up there right now is zombie Orange Julius lookin’ out for his next big orange to squeeze. soon, buddy.... don’t worry, my guy; soon.....™️

aaaaand THAT is THAT ON THAT!!! 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR INTEREST IN MY MONSTERS OF GOOMT, AND GOOMT ITSELF 😭😭😭😭 WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE MY THANKS AND JOY (despite the 232,398 of them in GOOMT so far but eh, who’s counting)

forreal tho THANK YOU so much for your ask and your curiosity, it means the absolute world to me and i’m shoving it into my mouth and storing it in my cheeks. GOOMT is the love of my entire life and also my bane of existence and i LOVE talking, and sharing aspects of GOOMT* for all that will listen :3c

*except for lore, future planning and scenes, and things not otherwise already published because i am a VERY superstitious writer and VERY cautious of what, and to whom, i share. i won’t answer questions or talk about GOOMT’s lore and planning to anyone - not even Ren, my best friend and patient editor since ch10, who doesn’t even go here. so rest assured, it’s not (the royal) you; it’s me. 😔

AND NOW since you’ve either made it or scrolled to the end, the detailed depictions of the Memory of Harry by capitán solsikke under the cut, and their original posts from GOOMT’s blog:

POST FOUND HERE

POST FOUND HERE

AND BONUS ROUND: ACTOR AU

POST FOUND HERE

[yacoka]

the beginning

ii. the silent song of souls

character(s) — tsukishima kei, matsukawa issei

pairing — tsukishima kei x reader

genre — royalty!au, reincarnation!au, soulmate!au

warning(s) — death, brief mentions of war, PTSD, loss

beta(s) — @/doughnuts-5ever

masterlist

Bone-chilling screams echo off the stone walls, bouncing through the corridors as people run mindlessly about the castle, Shadows dance upon the walls, touching briefly before scattering, blending into the dark walls of the castle.

“Issei,” you breathe out, placing a worried hand on your best friend’s shoulder.

“I know, but it’s not safe. You have to stay in here.” Matsukawa pats your hand reassuringly. His expression betrays his emotions however, thick brows furrowed in worry as his usual sleep clouded eyes are now alert. No matter how much he tries to comfort you, every sound from outside your chambers has his hands twitching towards his sword.

You stare into the blinding flames of the fireplace, eyes transfixed by the way they dance about, burning up they touch. Worry and fear that gnaw in the pit of your stomach, and the desperation to know what was going on has you restless.

You're tempted to reach into the fire, to feel something other than the uneasy blend of emotions. You wonder how the fire would feel like, crawling up your skin, eating away at the dress you wore. It would probably feel better than the bile that creeps up your throat, the idea of people dying in your name making you ill.

“Y/n,” Matsukawa calls out to you weakly.

Spinning around, you find him bleeding out on the floor, a blade stuck through his chest.

“Issei!” You choke, rushing to his side. God, there was so much blood. Why was there so much blood?

“Issei, hang on, I’ll go get someone, please,” you cry out, pressing down on the edges of the mortal wound unsurely.

“It’s no use, I won’t survive this.” His smile is a broken one, filled with blood and regret. “I’ll die here, in your name.”

“No, Issei, please,” your hands flutter around his wound, trying your best to staunch the bleeding, but it only causes the blood to surge out more, staining your hands and the pale white chemise you wore.

He coughs roughly, his whole body convulsing in pain.

“Because of you,” he gasps out, “I will die here, without a future, for a spoiled brat who isn't worth my life.”

You recoil from his harsh words.

“No, it's not- Issei-”

All you can do is repeat his name helplessly as he tells you of the future he has lost, choked out between shallow breaths and bloody coughs.

With every word, the blood spreads until you are soaked in it, drenched with the blood of your best friend, with the blood of those who have died because of you tonight.

“It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s yOUR FAULT. IT’S YOUR FAU-”

You jolted awake, chest heaving as you rushed to the window, the moonlight illuminating your clean hands. They were clean. They were clean. They were clean.

(So why the hell can you still feel the stickiness of blood dripping from your hands and down your body?)

The words bounced around in your head, leaving a pounding headache in their wake. The cold sweat covering your body has you shifting uncomfortably as your heart raced, the overwhelming guilt and fear still racing through your veins.

“Issei,” you whispered, clenching your eyes shut. “Issei, I’m so sorry.”

You sat there, slumped against the cool stone of the walls until day broke, your hands clenched into tight fists, leaving crescent moons imprinted into the velvety skin of your palm.

That was how your ladies found you. With poorly disguised looks of pity, they hoisted you up and got you ready for the day. The soft chatter that flowed around you steadied you, pulling your mind back from the crumbling edge.

Today was not the day you would lose your mind, your spirit. Issei would have wanted you to live for him. It was what he gave his life for.

Today, you will not break.

Akasuki helped you out of the now-cool bath, drying you off and fitting you into your armor for the day, painting on your mask with deft strokes of her gentle hand.

A firm knock on the door had one of your ladies rushing to it, peering out at the visitor. A few words later, and she pulled back into the room with a letter in hand.

“Your highness, this is for you.” She bowed deeply and opened the letter for you to read. Your eyes scan it quickly.

“I’m to join Prince Tsukishima in the gardens for a walk it seems.”

Akasuki merely nodded in response as she applied the finishing touches. “Just in time then.”

You swept through the long, arching corridors, guards and servants alike bowing out of your way hastily. Your mask was a fragile thing today, paper-thin and fragile. It was crinkled and weak, and just a wrong touch would send it crumbling. The strength you have is only enough to keep it up until you make it to the gardens, and a single short glance from Tsukishima already had it cracking once more.

“You look terrible.”

The carefully crafted smile fell as your eyes relaxed into a tired indifference, your face sagging with exhaustion. You shot him a tired glare.

“And you’re such a gentleman.” Your voice lacked the sarcasm meant for the statement, and the brittleness of it had you wincing internally.

Tsukishima held his arm out - the one with the red string entwined around it, you noted with exhausted amusement - and you entwined your arm around it. The contact was steadying, and your next breath came easier. The pressure on your head eased as Tsukishima tugged you closer ever so slightly.

“Shall we?” He tilted his head down at you. “Or are you too unwell for even a stroll?”

The scowl that slipped onto your face is less than ladylike and would have your etiquette teachers fainting if they saw it. You didn't bother dignifying his dig with a response, tugging roughly on his arm as you strode forward.

The casual conversation that flowed as you walked through the Tsukishima’s royal gardens washed away any lingering memory of the haunting dream, and you found yourself laughing at Tsukishima’s dry humor. He would have gotten along well with Issei, you noted with a wistful smile.

You learnt that day that Tsukishima was a fan of bones (“Paleontology,” he had snapped at your teasing. “Fossil bones, not just any bones.”), he has a sweet tooth, and he enjoys music (“Not the horrid song we danced to last night, but proper music.” He insisted on playing for you after lunch.).

The remaining days blurred together as you spent most of your time with Prince Tsukishima exploring the castle grounds, visiting the nearby village, and even sneaking out one night to stargaze. The last day of your stay was spent in the grand ballroom where a grand piano sat, and Tsukishima taught you how to play.

His slender fingers covered yours as he guided your hands over the keys, and you found yourself closing your eyes, losing yourself to the melody that flooded the ballroom. Your eyes flew open when you realized what you were playing.

“Isn’t this-”

“The song we danced to on the first day? Yes, it is.” He smiled down at you softly.

You grin at him, your eyes lighting up. “Why, I thought you said it was a horrid song!”

His nose crinkled up in distaste even as your fingers continue to dance haltingly across the keys. “It is, but you like it, so I thought I’d teach you.” A note of uncertainty slipped into his voice, a wrong key slipping from his careful control.

“I do like it, thank you, Prince Tsukishima.”

“Kei. Call me Kei.” His voice was soft as the song came to an end, his brown eyes locked onto yours, his smile turning bashful.

“Kei,” you repeated after him. “Call me Y/n.”

You were just barely past the edge of sleep, your mind a floating mess of thoughts and images from the week’s events. Prince Tsukishima sat at the centre of it, and the memory that shone the brightest is him smiling at you, with that soft, vulnerable look in his usually guarded eyes.

“Kei,” he had whispered. “Call me Kei.”

You could feel yourself flushing even as you entered a light sleep-

Your body jerked upright, eyes flying open as your heart thundered, panic jolting through you in jerky waves. Wild eyes searched the room for the cause of this, and a constricting feeling on your pinky where the string lay drew your attention. It was almost painful, and the fear radiating through it seeped into your bones.

But what are you so afraid for?

(You don’t realize that the fear comes from Tsukishima, who’s chambers are at the opposite end of the wing. You don’t see the thin line slit across his throat, red spraying from his pale neck as he tries to claw his way towards the door to find someone, anyone to protect you.)

Your fingers curl around the string, trying to steady yourself against the silent scream of emotions in the too-quiet night.

(You don’t see the all-consuming panic as he chokes on his blood, nor the terror in his eyes as the life seeps out of him.)

The string is pulled so taut you’re afraid it might snap, and the intensity of the multitude of emotions flowing off of it is enough to tug you out of bed.

(You don’t see him reaching helplessly for you even in his last moments, nails dripping red from the effort that it takes to crawl to the door. You don’t see his head dropping to the ground with a sickening thud, eyes going dull as his desperate grip on the string is released.)

Just as your bare feet touch the cool floor, there’s an audible snap that has you lurching backwards, the string going lax and dissolving right before your eyes. Your back meets a hard surface that you know isn’t your bed, and a knife slides across your throat before you even have time to feel afraid.

The last thing you see are the red specks of the string’s remnants floating in the air as you choke on the blood that pours down your neck, the memory of a bright smile and an outstretched hand flashing-

[fluteydeservedbetter]

Season 1

Season 1 is so nice and short. I always kind of forget about it because it’s the first one, but there are some real gems in here! Let’s take a look shall we?

12. Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

This one is quite possibly more forgettable than Teacher’s Pet. Literally the only thing that happens here is that Angel gets jealous of Buffy for the first time and also we are introduced to the Annoying One, sorry, the Anointed One. Other than that though, Owen isn’t even all that attractive so I’m not sure why Buffy and Cordelia are all over him. Ugh I just can’t handle this episode.

11. Teacher’s Pet

Poor Xander. He never gets a break ever. And it starts so early on for him too! This episode has always been kind of meh for me. It’s our first monster character that Buffy has to defeat, it’s our first time Xander falls for someone who is evil. But other than that, it’s very forgettable. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the scene between Buffy and the old biology man teacher. He’s so sweet to her and teachers are always so mean to her so it’s really nice to see him. Too bad he dies.

10. I Robot, You Jane

Ok tbh this episode is not great, but it’s not the worst of Season 1! JENNY IS INTRODUCED HELLO!!! We finally get more character growth for Giles!! They are end game. I love them and they deserved SO MUCH BETTER! Anyways, watching them flirt for the first time is incredible. Poor Willow, this was her turn to fall in love with evil. At least she ends up in two of the best relationships of the show. Also that moment at the end when they all realize that all of their future relationships are doomed is HILARIOUS.

9. The Harvest

We have our first major character death! In the second episode! Poor Jesse. He deserved better. Also Xander deserved better than accidentally killing his best friend lol I am a firm believer that he should have had to for real kill him. But I never noticed that Xander saves Cordelia in this episode?! I’m team Cordelia and Xander 5EVER!!! Anyways, this is the first of many times that we see The Master press against that weird barrier and then he fails to be free. It gets boring after a while. Also very clever having Angel in the crypt during the day trying to hide the fact he’s a vamp. Go Joss!

8. Welcome to the Hellmouth

The one that started it all. I forgot HOW 90S THIS SHOW IS OH MY GOD. Willows dress. Buffy’s hair. XANDER’S hair. Giles isn’t funny yet (which is tragic in itself). But it starts off everything! The Master is introduced! Angel is introduced and looks fine as hell! Darla is also fine as hell but also a lot more annoying as a vampire than I remember. So cheesy. So good. It’s just such a good opening episode.

7. The Pack

Wow ok I’ve never appreciated this episode until now. It’s not like any other episode, but in this case it really works! I LOVE dark Xander. He’s such an underappreciated character so I love when episodes feature him and Nicholas Brendon can actually show off what he can do. Also. PRINCIPAL FLUTEY AND THE PIG DESERVED BETTER!! Honestly probably the two most innocent characters that get killed on this show. RIP.

6. The Puppet Show

Ok this is just a really good episode. Also has anybody else noticed that there are like no vampire centered episodes for a lot of this season? Or maybe this was just a big stretch of monster focused episodes. Anyways, this is a great episode, where the thing you think is the monster is actually the hero! The end half of season 1 is actually so good I love it. Also I side with Buffy, dummies are terrifying. Also this is when Principal Snyder shows up for the first time and I truly love to hate him. OH MY GOD ALSO WHEN THEY SHOW THE CREDITS BUT ALSO THE THREE OF THEM DOING THEIR TERRIBLE SCENE HAHAHAHA!!

5. Witch

Ok so things get really serious in the THIRD episode of the entire series. Honestly I like this because it really makes the magic thing work for the whole rest of the series. Introduce it early, people get used to it right away. Amy is a great character but she turns annoying after this episode for sure. This episode is a huge for firsts! First magic, first eyes go black magic, first time someone is for real out to kill Buffy, first time we see Amy. This episode was a lot more enjoyable this time around.

4. Nightmares

BABY JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT!! Aside from that, this episode is awesome. Nightmares coming to life? Genius! My heart breaks for Buffy when her dad says she’s the reason for the divorce. Xander and his clown are hilarious. I DIE when Willow is terrified to sing and just kind of squawks out a note. It’s just so clever and everyone gets their moment, even Cordelia! A solid penultimate episode for the first season. Probably the cheeriest penultimate episode of any season.

3. Out of Mind, Out of Sight

This is another episode that I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it during this rewatch! I always love Cordelia episodes. She’s honestly one of the most underrated characters on this show. I miss her. Also she thinks Buffy is in a gang which is HILARIOUS. But also we really start to get to know her this episode which is about damn time. When she talks about how lonely she is I FEEL for her. This episode also makes her start to realize the consequences of her actions and how she treats the people around her. AND it’s also the first time Cordelia is actually a part of the Scooby Gang and she honestly just adds such a hilarious dynamic to the group. My only complaint is like...where did Marcy go? What happened to that crazy school she went to? Is she watching me right now?

2. Angel

BUFFY AND ANGEL 5EVER!!! Ok I just had to get that off my chest. I love Spike, but I will always be Team Angel. He and Buffy are just so good. This episode is so good. Mainly because SHIRTLESS ANGEL but also because we finally get to know who this mysterious man is! We also lose Darla, aka The Master loses Darla aka his right hand woman. This is by far one of the best episodes of Season 1. This is when people can finally commit to watching the whole series because you can’t help but want to see more Angel. Always. Every episode please. Ok I’m done now.

1. Prophecy Girl

Ok wow this is such a good episode. I laughed, I cried, I loved. It’s the perfect Season 1 finale. BUFFY DIES IN THE SEASON 1 FINALE GUYS DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS?! I literally have no words for ths. That speech she gives when she finds out she���s going to die? It brings me to tears every single time. And Angel still loves her so much and he’s so sad but there’s nothing he can do. The Master is underwhelming as a villain compared to all of the other Big Bads, but he’s not bad for a first season!

[milliebeeweasel]

Draco Sinister: Still a Better Time Travel Story than The Cursed Child

A while ago, I read Draco Dormiens, the fanfic famous for propelling Cassie Claire into BNF-dom, and for being a terrifying Frankenstein’s monster of plagiarism.  My masochistic streak kicked in again, and I decided to try the sequel, Draco Sinister: a tale of dumb love triangles, Shakespearean Wormtail and ignoring Voldemort for 900 pages.

The fic starts when Draco wakes from a nightmare, and struggles to decide who to tell about it, before settling on writing to Hermione … in exactly the same way as Harry wakes up from a nightmare at the start of Goblet of Fire and writes to Sirius.  Yeah.  The plagiarism starts that early.

Harry and Draco are spending the summer at an unnamed Magid school (and yes, it remains unnamed for the whole fic), where Fleur Delacour is also a student/Magid.  Weird Canon Divergence #1: Fleur here is not described as having veela heritage.  She is a veela.  Because Cassie Claire only skimmed the Harry Potter books .  Also Lupin teaches at this school, because the whole drama about him being unveiled as a werewolf apparently didn’t matter in Cassie’s world.

Anyhoo, Draco got this fancy sword at the end of Draco Dormiens during the epic bitchfight with Lucius.  It’s all green and sparkly, and totes belonged to Salazar Slytherin (because if Godric Gryffindor got a sword, Slytherin did too, apparently). But Harry’s hella suspicious of it and convinces Draco to let Lupin take the sword and make sure it’s not, like, cursed as all get out.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away at the Burrow, Hermione’s chilling with Ron and Ginny when she gets Draco’s letter.  She merrily writes back to him and Harry, before receiving another letter from Victor Krum.

Because the love triangle in Draco Dormiens wasn’t infuriating enough. Now we need to toss Krum in the mix.

She agrees to meet Krum in Diagon Alley.  Yeah. I’m sure this’ll shake out fine.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away at Magid school, Draco wakes up in the night again, this time because a demon has broken into his and Harry’s dormitory looking for the sword.

Weird Canon Divergence #2: despite JKR’s efforts to keep the afterlife vague and mysterious, Cassie whacks a Christian Hell into Draco Sinister a la Buffy the Vampire Slayer, complete with fire and brimstone.  O … OK?

Harry and Draco banter with the demon for a while, but since Lupin currently has the sword they can’t exactly hand it over (and Draco doesn’t want to because, you know, Draco Malfoy). Eventually the demon decides fuck it, and tells Draco to keep the damn sword because it’s cursed as all get out anyway, and promptly disappears.  Lupin works out the sword is a Living Blade, meaning it has a mind of its own and that mind is kitten-murdering  evil, and Harry’s like, ‘Mate I told you that sword was cursed as all get out,’ and Draco’s like, ‘Shut up I still want it.’

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away at Diagon Alley, Hermione promptly loses both Ron and Ginny and talks to Victor Krum alone.  Because of course.  When she comes back, she says screw Harry, she’s madly in love with Krum now and is going to run away with him to Bulgaria.

Well that didn’t take long.

Back at Magid school, Harry receives a letter from Hermione informing him of her newest true love, at which he has a full on meltdown, smashing everything in the vicinity with his Magid powers until Draco yells, ‘Oh hell nah, we did not go through all this love triangle bullshit for Hermione to run off with Krum, something is up,’ and slaps some sense into Harry, a scene which essentially ends in Lupin running in screaming, ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MOTHERFUCKERS?’

And I wish that was the last My Immortal comparison I’d find in this fic.

They get Fleur Delacour to seduce Lupin out of his office (I threw up in my mouth a little), before breaking in so Draco can nab his cursed sword back. Lupin’s locked it in an unbreakable case, but Draco deliberately pisses Harry off until his Magid rage comes back and smashes the case open.  This is the first of several times they use enraged Harry to break shit, a trope I will henceforth refer to as Incredible Hulk Harry.

Harry and Draco team up with Ron and Ginny, and march up to Krum’s hotel room in London.  But Krum’s like, ‘Oh, Hermy-ninny?  I haffn’t seen her, but then I don’t remember literally any of yesterday except someone yelling “Imperio” at me.’

Luckily for the gang, Draco gave Hermione his epicyclical charm—that ugly ass necklace Lucius had in Draco Dormiens that contained Draco’s life force or whatever.  So Draco can use that like a homing beacon to find Hermione.  Also Harry has another mini meltdown because he’s so glad Hermione does love him after all

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away Hermione wakes up locked in a tower.  Wormtail walks in and she’s like, ‘Aha, I should’ve known this was Voldemort’s doing!’ but Wormtail goes, ‘Nah, I got a bitchin’ new master now, check it out,’ and in walks motherfucking Salazar Slytherin.

Hermione understandably freaks the fuck out, not least because apparently Slytherin thought it’d be fashionable to get the Dark Mark tattooed on BOTH HIS CHEEKS.  Yeah.  Like Star Butterfly’s lil’ hearts.

He tells Hermione the Dark Mark was actually totes his idea, and Voldemort’s basically just a DeviantArt thief. Then he shows Hermione a tapestry of the Hogwarts founders, who look suspiciously like Hermione (Ravenclaw), Harry (Gryffindor), Ginny (Hufflepuff) and Draco (Slytherin).

The fic continues to spiral wildly into insanity as Slytherin announces Hermione is the Heir of Rowena Ravenclaw, who he was in love with until she ditched him for Gryffindor. But that’s OK because Slytherin has a handy dandy love potion to force Hermione to love him 5ever!  Wormtail blindfolds Hermione and makes her chug the potion, and says she will fall in love with the first person she sees once the potion kicks in.  Like a baby duck!

Side note: why does everyone, including the villains, want to sleep with Hermione?

So at this point I’m side-eyeing the fic furiously, because I can sense incoming love triangles like cats can sense earthquakes.  Cast your bets who she falls in love with.  (No, it’s not Wormtail.)

Halfway to Hermione (a great band name), Harry and co. are attached by dementors.  Draco falls off his broom and breaks his leg, so while Ron and Ginny look for help, Harry teaches Draco the patronus charm.

Draco’s patronus is a dragon. Because of course it is.

Ron and Ginny happen to find Charlie Weasley, who happens to be in England and not Romania and happens to have a hoard of dragons with him and happens to have plenty of healers to fix Draco’s leg.  Of course! He patches them up, shows them his dragons (not a euphemism) and lets them nance on to save Hermione.

Except Ginny.

Ginny’s not allowed to go.

Weird Canon Divergence #3: Ginny’s characterisation.  Hindsight is 20/20 when you’ve read Order of the Phoenix, and I know the Draco Trilogy started before that.  But still, reading Ginny Weasley, the quidditch champion, queen of bat bogey hexes, tomboy badass as a ‘girl’s girl more interested in boys and make up’ /stroppy teenager from hell is just … wrong.  She acts, and is treated, much younger than the other characters, despite the pretty minimal age gap.  I had 15 year-old friends when I was 16.  The maturity level was not that different.

ANYWAY.  Harry, Ron and Draco march up to this old castle in the woods, but it’s all locked up and guarded, so Draco’s like, ‘Well everyone pretty much still thinks I’m a Death Eater anyway, so why don’t I go in and let you in after?’  And Harry says, ‘Good idea,’ and Ron says, ‘Actually I’m also still 90% convinced you’re a Death Eater,’ but Draco goes in regardless.

He runs into a bunch of veelas, who fawn hilariously over him and reveal Weird Canon Divergence #4: veelas in the Draco Trilogy are straight-up bonafide dark creatures, who seduce men and then fucking eat them.  Like a praying mantis.

Why not?

The veela tell Draco he’s defo got some veela heritage in him, before waltzing off, presumably to seduce and eat some men who aren’t related to them.  Draco decides fuck Harry and Ron, and goes off to rescue Hermione on his own.

Hermione, also currently trying to escape, has a moment of mind-numbing stupidity and takes her blindfold off—and of course, sees Draco Malfoy.

It could’ve been Wormtail, Hermione.

He was in that castle.

WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THE BLINDFOLD OFF?

Hermione’s nearly as devastated as I am to discover the plot triangle Cassie killed at the end of Draco Dormiens has risen from its grave, and begs Draco not to tell Harry about the love potion.  Because, you know, honesty isn’t that important in a relationship.

Weird Canon Divergence #4: love potions are illegal in the Draco Trilogy.  I actually approve of this, because it’s always kind of boggled my mind how literal mind-control date rape drugs are A-OK in JKR’s world.  Good job, Cassie, I guess?

Draco and Hermione leg it out the castle, but Slytherin blocks their way.  He’s surprisingly chill, though, considering his whole love potion plan is now utterly fucked—he essentially pats Draco on the head and says, ‘Go get ‘em champ,’ before letting them out the door.

Suspicious as hell, but whatever.

Hermione sees Harry outside and flies into his arms, because apparently the love potion hasn’t cancelled out her love for Harry.  Because otherwise the love triangle couldn’t continue!  Then they all toddle back to Charlie’s dragon camp, and THEN.

Draco.

In leather pants.

YES IT HAPPENS.

(For those who don’t know, Draco in Leather Pants is a trope coined specifically from this fic, referring to bad boy characters who are really good at heart, but struggling with an inner turmoil because they might be kinda evil.  Like Spike from Buffy. Except Spike was well written.)

Anyway, Ginny sees Draco in leather pants, and her ovaries basically leap into her throat and throttle her.  She tells Hermione she fancies Draco now, and not ten minutes later she catches Hermione and Draco snogging the shit out of each other.  Because love triangles.  Painful, painful love triangles.

Ginny’s mad as hell, but for some reason also agrees not to tell Harry about the love potion, and they all jet back to Malfoy Manor, aka Sirius and Narcissa’s house.  Because yes, in case you forgot, Sirius/Narcissa is a thing in this fic.  And they are engaged.  Making Harry and Draco soon to be brothers.  Sort of.

Hermione hits the books looking for love potion cures and they send a letter to Snape asking for help, figuring Snape will at least help Draco if not the rest of them.  Meanwhile, Draco visits Daddy Dearest in prison, who tells him being good is dumb, Malfoys are always evil, and Draco is destined to murder the shit out of Harry and become either Slytherin or Voldemort’s minion. Then, shortly after Draco leaves, Lucius summons demons in his cell and accidentally blows himself the fuck up.

Good job, Lucius.

All the love potion research comes up nil, and they find the only way to end it is for either Draco or Hermione to die.  Then Harry finds out about the love potion after all and has another Incredible Hulk meltdown.

Draco, who by now is living through Draco Malfoy and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, takes the epicyclical charm/ugly ass necklace off Hermione, kisses her, probably insults her, and shoots away on his Firebolt. Not his Nimbus 2001, because apparently Cassie forgot what broom Draco has.

I won’t lie, a good chunk of the middle of this fic is a blur, but it involves:

Sirius and Lupin having 10x the chemistry of Sirius and Narcissa

Slytherin’s Evil McNasty sword trying to make Draco kill Harry, and also refusing to be thrown away like goddamn Three Wolf Moon

Ginny exploring a quarry underneath the Burrow and finding Fred and George’s porn stash

Draco getting a will-strengthening potion off Snape so he can fight the temptation to murder Harry, and discovering Snape’s heart-print pyjamas and beautiful singing voice

Draco making out with Fleur, because why not?

Sirius, Lupin and Snape going to St Mungo’s because a ~mysterious dark wizard~ killed Cornelius Fudge and put Dumbledore in a coma

Neville giving Draco a concussion

Harry and Hermione doing lots of kissing and not much else

An illustration of Snape and Malfoy in which Snape has a fucking evil goatee

Arthur fucking Weasley is announced as the new Minister of Magic

Draco appearing at the Burrow to apologise for being a dickweasel to Ginny, and then making out with her as well

Harry appears outside the Burrow to try and talk sense into Draco, but Draco’s will strengthening potion runs out and he stabs Harry in the chest.  Luckily, Harry isn’t really Harry, but a magic projection thing, and the real Harry is chilling in bed back at Malfoy Manor courtesy of some spell I can’t remember well enough to explain.

Regardless, Wormtail chooses this moment to pop up and … Christ on a bike, Wormtail is without doubt the single worst written character in this entire godforsaken fanfic.

See what I mean?  It sounds NOTHING LIKE Wormtail.  Although I’ve never seen that dialogue before, my suspicion is it’s nicked from something else.  When I said I read Draco Dormiens with constant paranoia, this is what I meant.  Some dialogue’s out of character, or the style changes for a few paragraphs, and the alarm bells just won’t stop ringing.

Wormtail demands Draco come and work for Slytherin, and Draco refuses, so Wormtail reveals his shiny new arm-sword and they have a scrap, until Wormtail pushes Draco in the river and drowns him.

Wormtail vanishes, and Draco gets to have a fun time in Purgatory nattering with Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, and also Harry’s parents, while Ron and Ginny drag Draco out the river. Harry makes Ron perform mouth-to-mouth on Draco because boys kissing is hil-arious!

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away at Malfoy Manor, Hermione knows instantly that Draco’s died because she feels the love potion break.  She panics and runs for Sirius, but finds him a wee bit occupied with Lupin, who’s turned into a werewolf because Slytherin is Calling all the dark creatures to come join him.  Luckily, Hermione found this funky silver necklace, which turns out to be a lycanthe, which repels werewolves, and also does whatever other plot-helpful Cassie needs for a given chapter.

They lock up Lupin safely, and also manage to lock up the demon that attacked Draco right at the beginning of the fic in the cell right next to him.  So you know.  He’ll have a friend.

Harry wakes up and tells Hermione to chill, because Draco is alive thanks to Ron’s CPR, and they zip to the Burrow together to celebrate with Jesus!Draco. Then we get Moment I Unironically Enjoyed #1: Ron offering to teach Draco to play chess.  D’aww.

We get some flashbacks via Draco and Hermione’s dreams, and learn that Slytherin got all his power from Hell, and also his bitchin’ ass sword, which he was meant to give back but has somehow wangled his way out of it until now (thus the pissed-off demon in the Malfoy Manor basement).  Also he created werewolves, veelas, basilisks and a shit tonne of other dark creatures, which he refers to as ‘experiments’ like a mad scientist.  Hermione reads a bunch of books about Slytherin and tries to tell Harry and Ron about this magic orb Slytherin has that either unleashes all his powers or kills him or probably both, but they’re like, ‘Yawn, boring,’ because of course they wouldn’t be interested in information about the villain they are supposed to be fighting against in this fic GDI.

Anywhoo, the group all chill out until Salazar Slytherin kicks in the door, like ‘GRANDMA, IT’S ME, ANASTASIA’ and kidnaps Harry and Draco, leaving the others behind because meh.

At this point, I’d like to take a brief break from the plot to address a question I kept asking myself throughout the entire fic:

What the fuck is Voldemort doing all this time?

He’s nowhere.  Wormtail makes vague assertions he might be dead, but Slytherin later says he’s alive. Voldemort’s return in canon is the turning point of Harry Potter.  It changes everything.  Hogwarts isn’t safe anymore.  The children have to grow up.  Characters die.  But in the Draco Sinister, Voldemort’s fobbed off like he’s unimportant or uninteresting.  Characters keep crying ‘Slytherin is far worse than Voldemort!’, which might make sense if Cassie had killed off Voldemort in Draco Dormiens, and needed a bigger, badder villain for the sequel.  But she didn’t.  Voldemort is still out there.  Twiddling his thumbs.  Knitting jumpers for Nagini ,for all we know.

OK.  OK, back to the fic.

So, Narcissa has a natter with the demon in the basement, who reveals that yep, the demons want the sword back from Slytherin, but Slytherin has to return it by his own hand. Otherwise, the demons will have to take a descendant of Slytherin blood has repayment.  Handily, it turns out Harry and Draco both have Slytherin heritage, so now Slytherin has a choice. Good for him.

Hermione’s lycanthe activates GPS mode, and takes them into the quarry underneath the Burrow, where Ginny says she had another older brother who drowned.  Seems like a weird, shoe-horned in detail now, and that’s because it kind of is.  After some puzzles, they discover a time turner that used to belong to Hufflepuff. Since Ginny is the reincarnation of Hufflepuff or whatever, she gets the time turner.

You may be wondering why the boys get swords and the girls get necklaces.  And I’m sure Cassie Claire has a good explanation for that.

But I don’t.

So, Harry and Draco wake up locked in a big adamantine cell.  Adamantine is basically Cassie’s Magid kryptonite, meaning they’re basically stuffed. They argue for a bit about whether Draco is gay, ending in Draco giving Harry hair care tips because this fic is weird, and then for the lols, Draco decides to teach Harry how to fence.

Now, I’m not an expert on sword fighting.  I know a bit.  But one thing I know for sure?

You cannot fence with swords made in the Dark Ages.

Fencing foils are lightweight, thin and poky, made for stabbing your enemy so full of holes he bleeds to death. Swords in the Dark Ages were whacking great bludgeons with sharp edges, made for separating limbs from bodies. They were heavy bastards; they were not made for lunging and poking and riposte-ing.

You cannot fence.  With a sodding broadsword.

While Harry and Draco are having their ridiculous and physically impossible sword fight, the cell door opens and Fleur Delacour walks in like, ‘I’m here to rescue you, bitches!’  Harry doesn’t trust her because she’s ‘boy crazy’ (a trait of every female character in this fic, so hardly a reason for distrust) but regardless they follow her outside.

She leads them through the famously plagiarised nightmare grass scene, and then underground to a locked door. Draco gets Harry to Incredible Hulk the door open by informing him his dead parents are stuck in Purgatory, after which Fleur betrays them and leaves them to get eaten by a manticore.

Harry and Draco kill the manticore, getting Harry utterly soaked in manticore blood in the process.  Like, ‘took a bath in blood’ kind of soaked. Slytherin shows up, and in Moment I Unironically Enjoyed #2, Harry yells, ‘We killed your monster and we’re not sorry!’ and Slytherin says, ‘Well, duh, that’s what I wanted you to do.’

Slytherin sends Harry back to the dungeons but keeps Draco to be his evil minion, then hacks open the manticore and pulls his magic orb out of its stomach (um … you might wanna wash that off, bud).  But now he needs all the Hogwarts founders’ Heirs to touch the orb so he can get his power back.  Or die? The fic never seemed decided on whether opening the orb was a good thing or a bad thing.  Both sides seemed to want it to happen, and also to not happen.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Ron, Hermione and Ginny use the time turner to go to the Dark Ages, during the original war with Slytherin.  They meet wee Ben Gryffindor, Godric’s twelve-year-old son, and Rowena Ravenclaw, who is dying.  Rowena initially refuses to speak to Ron because he’s not an Heir, at which point I started screeching incomprehensibly, because that’s not how heirs work.  If anything, Bill should be Hufflepuff’s heir.  Definitely not Ginny, the youngest sibling.

But no, Heir is Cassie Claire’s dumb way of saying “reincarnation”, and eventually Ravenclaw lets Ron in anyway and tells him that, as a seventh son, he’s totes psychic.

If you just counted the Weasley brothers on your fingers, don’t worry, I did the same.  I also got to six, got annoyed, and then remembered that extra brother Cassie shoehorned in who drowned.  I guess you got me, Cassie.  Bravo.

Wee Ben Gryffindor takes the gang to Slytherin’s castle, and lets them in the adamantine cell.  Ginny uses the time turner to take them back to the future …

… Where Slytherin is having a whale of a time psychologically torturing Draco.  He has his own Mirror of Erised dealie, which shows you ‘who you truly are’.  Draco sees his whole ancestral line of unapologetic dickfucks and realises he can never be truly Good™.  Slytherin also gives Draco the Dark Mark, because FASHION, then sticks him in a room with Fleur Delacour and tells them to get it on, because apparently he invented veela for the sole purpose of procreation and I just threw up in my mouth again.

Draco and Fleur do not get it on. Draco does what any sensible person would do in this situation: orders cocktails and gets thoroughly shitfaced.

See the thing is, Draco’s whole tortured evil/good dilemma would be a lot more compelling in this fic if he actually had to overcome something besides teenage angst bullshit. The fic separates everything into pure Good and Evil, states that Harry and Hermione are just naturally good, and the Malfoy family are just naturally bad, and that’s it. But that’s not how morality works.  

Real people have good traits and bad traits, and in fiction, overcoming those bad traits is how redemption arcs happen.  For Draco’s redemption to be rewarding, we need to see him overcome a character flaw. But he doesn’t.  He just Decides To Be Good.

SIGH.

So Hermione, Ginny and Ron pop into the future, and find Harry sitting in the adamantine cell alone. And Harry’s like, ‘I guess Draco’s evil now?’ and they’re like, ‘I doubt it, this fic is literally named after him,’ but then the door opens and Hermione, Ron and Ginny all have to huddle under the invisibility cloak.

Draco comes in with Slytherin, gloats evilly for a bit, cuts Harry’s arm probably by accident, and nances off again.  Ron and Hermione run out to free Harry, and realise Ginny’s missing because she ran after Draco.

Oh.  BOY.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Sirius gets a will-strengthening potion off Snape to cure his lover Lupin’s permanent-werewolf-ness, then they visit Godric’s Hollow to get Harry a magic scabbard that also used to belong to Godric Gryffindor.  Happy Christmas, Harry.  No more chopping your belt off every time you try to sheathe your sword.

(And yes, swords do basically replace wands in this fic.  Magids can do wandless magic anyway.  IDK. Cassie Claire just really hates wands, apparently.)

Sirius and Lupin break into Slytherin’s castle with a scene ripped from Buffy, and are swiftly separated as Lupin is shut in with the other werewolves, and Sirius, claiming to be a vampire, is dragged off to meet the new general of Slytherin’s armies.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Draco, still pissed as a parrot, is chilling in his room when Ginny marches in.  Then, in Moment I Unironically Enjoyed #3, Ginny proceeds to rip the sweet shit out of Draco Malfoy’s emo ass, because if he wants to be Good™, he can start by being less of a pussy and fixing his shit.

Draco kisses Ginny, and the whole thing is thoroughly ruined when Fleur reminds them she’s still in the room. Ginny assumes Draco is sleeping with Fleur (and pretty much anything on two legs); Draco does nothing to help this assumption; and Ginny magically sobers him up as revenge.

At this point, Draco’s called away to deal with some other shit, so Ginny talks to Fleur and finds out she’s not evil either, she’s just protecting her sister, blah blah blah. Fleur also gabbles more about how SUPER SCARY Slytherin is, like he made a whole army disappear once, and he can control his minion’s minds, and Ginny’s like ‘OK cool bye’ and uses her time turner to GTFO.

The other shit Draco has to deal with turns out to be Sirius, because Draco is apparently now head of Slytherin’s armies.  For convoluted reasons, Draco has Sirius locked in the dungeon.  For his own protection.  Or something.

Then Draco runs off to rescue Harry with Hermione and Ron, but Slytherin catches them.  He locks up Draco with Harry in the adamantine cell, and sends Hermione and Ron to the dungeons with Sirius.  Lucky for them, Sirius has his magic pencils, which they get to work using to draw a door back to the adamantine cell.  (Ron can draw in this fic.  Ron the Psychic Artist, still better than Ron the Death Eater.)

In the adamantine cell, Slytherin makes Draco run Harry through with his sword, but it’s OK because manticore blood apparently makes you temporarily immortal, and Harry got drenched in it.  Cassie actually points out that this is in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which is great and all, but good writing would have still involved actually foreshadowing that shit in the fanfic.  Then bunch of demons pop up to explain the whole contract with Hell Slytherin’s got going on, and to remind them they really, really need to get Slytherin to give that sword back by his own hand, or Hell will take one of them instead.  Just to remind you.  No pressure.  The demons vanish as Hermione, Sirius and Ron get inside the room.

This is another part of the fic that I don’t 100% remember because there’s a lot of Scooby Doo style running about and getting separated and getting unseparated again, but it includes Sirius running to save his one true love Lupin and finding Fleur as well, Harry and Hermione winding up in an underground cavern with a bunch of merveela (yes, mermaid-veela) and Draco and Ron getting chased by dementors.

In the distant past, Ginny meets grown-up Ben Gryffindor, and convinces him to let her pinch his army and send them to the future.  It turns out Slytherin didn’t make the army disappear—Ginny did.

So Cassie Claire understands how time turners work better than the people who wrote Cursed Child.  Go figure.

Ginny pops into the future with her army, and in Moment I Unironically Enjoyed #4, rides in on a FUCKING DRAGON to rescue Ron and Draco from the dementors.

Sirius gets Lupin and the other werewolves out safe, who turn out to be … pretty adorable?  They all just want to bake cakes and make bunting. Lupin stops them all going haywire by giving them Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans spiked with his will-strengthening potion, so they basically all wander off and make a drum circle somewhere for the rest of the fic.  I don’t know.

Ron’s injured and thus out for the count, but Ginny and Draco charge back in the castle to rescue Harry and Hermione.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Harry and Hermione find Slytherin’s orb and try to open it, because … ???

Well, the orb doesn’t open because they’re still missing the Hufflepuff and Slytherin Heirs, but Slytherin himself appears and promptly captures Harry and Hermione until Draco and Ginny show up, and also try to open the orb.

That’s all four Heirs, so Slytherin now becomes Super Saiyan Slytherin, laughs maniacally, and mind-controls Draco to toss Harry over to the demons.  Draco has one last moment of pure emo dipshittery, until Harry, Hermione and Ginny collectively yell at him to get his shit together.

Draco chops off Slytherin’s hand, wraps his fingers around the sword, and tosses that at the demons. This would be a clever twist on the whole ‘give it back with his own hand’, except I read Avocado’s exposé and I know it’s stolen.

Oh well.

The demons take the sword, and for good measure also take Slytherin to Hell.  Draco passes the fuck out while the castle collapses like Ganondorf’s dungeon at the end of Ocarina of Time, but they all escape ready to live happily ever after.

At this point, I looked warily at the word count.

Draco Dormiens wasted half a fic on sodding love triangles long after the plot was over.  Draco Sinister is way longer, and I was honestly dreading slogging through the miles of shipping at the end of this fic.

But actually, Cassie was merciful. The end of the fic is one chapter, featuring Harry’s birthday, for which Sirius basically throws together a freaking Gatsby Party.  I guess he realised he had access to the Malfoy vault all of a sudden.  For some reason I cannot fathom, Snape is invited to this party.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t end with him getting shot in the swimming pool.

Harry and Hermione smooch. Ron makes out with a veela … which … not a great idea, considering they’re still literal man-eaters, but whatever I guess.  Draco and Ginny do some romance, but it’s interrupted.

By Enoby Raven Dark’ness Dementia Way.

I’m not kidding.

Well I kind of am.

But not really.

She’s pale, and black-haired, and wearing a corset, and she introduces herself as Draco’s cousin, Rhysenn Malfoy.  And immediately invites him to stick his hand down her top.

She gives Draco Lucius’s signet ring, and also a message from Lucius, which essentially reads, ‘Not dead, ur lame.  Thnx 4 killing slytherin tho, voldy sends love and kisses.’

Because apparently Voldemort has finished knitting Nagini’s sodding jumper.

Draco runs into Dumbledore, now recovered from his coma, who tells him not to worry about Voldemort, because that’s Harry’s job.  He also says Draco did a good job resisting Slytherin’s mind-control because of love. I suspect Dumbledore whips this explanation out for anything he doesn’t know the answer to.  What happened to Amelia Earhart?  Love.  What’s with the Bermuda Triangle?  Love. What’s the answer to life, the universe and everything?  IDK, probably love.  Or 42.

Dumbledore also says Slytherin lied about that magic mirror—it actually shows your greatest fears, not your true self.  So Draco totes has every chance to be Good™ after all.

Draco heads back to the party, and he and Harry agree to be frenemies next year, and … that’s the end of the fic.

 --

 When I read Draco Dormiens, I couldn’t understand how Cassie Claire became a BNF.  Draco Dormiens was bad.  Bad characters, bad plot, bad writing, bad, bad, bad.

The first half of Draco Sinister is bad.  Dredging the Harry/Hermione/Draco love triangle back up with a love potion is dumb.  Voldemort just pissing off doing nothing for the whole fic is dumb.  Every line of dialogue given to Wormtail is dumb.  The dozens upon dozens of lines lifted from Blackadder, Red Dwarf and various other sources, regardless of whether they’re in-character or suit the mood or the scene or the setting, are infuriatingly dumb.

But about halfway through the fic, it’s like Cassie got her act together.

I don’t know if this is because halfway through the fic, Cassie was banned from FFN for plagiarism.  I don’t know—she still uses quotes all the way through, but possibly doesn’t lean so heavily on them.  Maybe it’s because she realised an actual plot was more interesting than constant angst romance.  But for whatever reason, it got better.

And I want to read Draco Veritas now.  Not just to look at a trainwreck, but because I’m kind of invested. But when I do, I will spork the hell out of it.

[deathnoting]

4, 17, 26, 49, DN Yes I'm greedy rawr

hi there! thanks so much!!

4. name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why

well let’s see! i’d say that halfpromise/laura (idk if she still has a tumblr i can’t find it?) who wrote ‘those who stand for nothing fall for anything’ was the person who made me think that there was still hope for writing death note fic in the year 2013. it was a pretty dead fandom but her work was/is just so brilliant and really inspired me as far as actual prose quality + atmosphere

as for content: i actually made a post earlier in the week mentioning how i re-read ‘a tithe to hell’ by aja (aka the best canon-compliant dn fic hands down accept no substitutes) and realized it gave me ALL MY LXLIGHT SEX DYNAMIC FEELINGS/HEADCANONS. i’m here for violent obsessive megalomaniacal top!light and emotionally/monetarily/legally in control bottom!L

and now, embarrassingly, let me wax about the FIC THAT CHANGED MY LIFE. when i was like 16 or 17 i was madly obsessed with the redeemer series by cocaocoveredgods. don’t get me wrong it wasn’t well written (the prose is mediocre fanfic prose), it’s full of really really sketchy dynamics (abuse, non-con wall to wall, WILDLY UNREALISTIC FANFIC SEX, hyper-sexualization in general, etc.) but this was before the ~teens 4 moral purity~ revolution or whatever that’s going on in fandom nowadays and let me tell you when i was an underage teen all i really wanted was to read campy porn about hot anime dudes Beating the Shit Out of Each Other.

the reason i say it changed my life is because it was my first introduction to beyond birthday. i mean, i knew vaguely of the character from the fandom but i thought he was this lame emo dark!L (spoiler alert: he is), and i had no interest in reading la:bb or any fic about him. but he features in a major plotline in the second ~book~ or whatever of the redeemer series (which was called ‘2 B or not 2 B’ i mean seriously. your faves? could never.) and the characterization of him is like so frighteningly, campily lovable. like he’s this truly awful half-shinigami fuck who wants to drive L pretty much insane so they can Be Together 5ever but he’s also always wearing women’s fetish outfits and bdsm topping everybody in a way that is rarely safe, sane, or consensual and i just? fell in love with the character. it’s where most of my B characterization comes from although i’ve turned it down several notches. redeemer!B is the origin of my B tho & i will always love him

17. favorite au to write

oh that’s kind of hard bc i feel like i never write real alternate universe fic? i pretty much write semi-canon-compliant aus that branch off into ~new universes~ i guess afterlife!aus kind of count. i’ve written several of those. and B!lives aus. shinigami realm shit? i like anything that explores the supernatural side of death note because it gets so shafted by dull police procedural stuff tbh

26. story you’re most proud of

already answered :-)

49. writing advice

aw.

oh, and: edit! edit edit edit edit. it took me too long to learn this but edit like your life depends on it.

[1plus3isb]

DN Debates: Coke vs Pepsi

I’m just trying to go back to sleep but this is what my brain wants to do instead. 🙃 based almost entirely on vibes.

Mello gives me Pepsi vibes

Matt drinks Mountain Dew, and Mello says that makes him a pepsi girlie. So Matt says pepsi

Near doesn’t drink soda and therefore has no opinion, but has probably learned a bunch of facts about the coke vs pepsi feud and will talk about those when asked.

Ask Beyond coke or pepsi and he’s saying RC. That’s just the vibe I get from him.

I don’t think Misa really drinks soda but I feel like she’s done a modeling gig with Coke so if you see her drink soda it is indeed a Coke

L gives coke vibes. No reason to it.

Light doesn’t drink much soda, and I feel like if he does he’s more likely to grab a clear pop. But I think he’s a Pepsi person. Misa tries to convert him since she had the modeling gig but it doesn’t work.

[1plus3isb]

So I’ve had thoughts about an MHA/DN crossover for like ever, and the one thing that has tripped me up is a quirk for Mello. Like.

Most characters I only have a vague idea of what I think their quirk would be, but its better than nothing. My running thoughts for Mello have been

Something like Dabi, an elemental quirk that his body can’t handle. It just feels very Mello-ish to have a body thats incompatible with his quirk, and be struggling with making it work while people with quirks that he deems not as good flourish.

Quirkless. Here me out: a wammy’s situation where everyone thinks Mello will end up with some grand quirk, and thinking Near’s quirk will be meh, only for Near to get something amazing and Mello to never develop a quirk.

But while I like both of those ideas, neither have felt just right, ya’know?

But new thought enters.

Spousal unit and I joked once about an AU where Hizashi, Mello, and Yurio were all siblings. And while at work yesterday my brain was wandering and thinking of quirks for Yuri and Mello that had some sort of vocal component to them, since Hizashi has a voice quirk himself.

Yuri’s came easy: Mimicat, a quirk where he can mimic the sounds of cats, from house cats to tigers. Maybe he can also talk with cats? Idk. I still see him as ice skating in the MHA universe so a quirk that would be super useful against villains wasn’t really a concern of mine. But its cute and I love it.

But again, I was stuck at Mello. UNTIL. One of my headcanons. Mello, the chaotic bisexual. And what is a bisexual stereotype? Finger guns.

Mello, quirk Finger Guns. The user can shoot out energy from their fingers, BUT they have to not only do the finger gun hand shape and cock it to shoot, but they also have to make some sort of gun sound as they do it (ie, BANG! BOOM! Etc.)

Still don’t know how I feel about it but the imagery is hilarious ngl. Just Mello running into a fight like “put your fUCKING HANDS UP!” While wildly pointing his hands around. “I’ll fucking shoot you!” Just. Dead. Or like the possibility of him figuring out how to replicate different gun noises to see if he can shoot his energy differently.

Matt walking into their shared room to find Mello sitting at his desk trying to sound like a machine gun and Matt just. Turning around and shutting the door. “I’ll go play my switch somewhere else.”

I think I did a whole post on here or my main account about headcanons for different character quirks but I might do it again. Because like. Why the fuck not.

[1plus3isb]

So I know people do videos of people watching things for the first time.

But you know what I want?

Someone streaming themselves watching their comfort show for the thousandth time.

Because idk about others, but when I’m doing a DN rewatch I make fun of characters, make sound effects, do commentary. Get excited for my favorite scenes. And maybe its the mental illness but I make myself laugh.

Anyways the depression is hitting hard so I restarted DN because for some fucked up reason it’s my comfort show.

[1plus3isb]

So I got a new pin for my ita bag (It’s a Misa pin) so I had to take out all of my pins to fit it in. Which meant I had to redo my Death Note corner.

I had to put L&Light together. And then as I was trying to figure out my next pin I just had to put my Bad Taste in Anime Boys next to L. Because like. We both have shit taste let’s be real.

[1plus3isb]

So my spouse and I are cosplaying Light&L this weekend and I’ve been trying to figure out what shoes to wear.

Because like.

I’m not walking barefoot around a con. No way.

And I thought about wearing my work shoes, which are just plain black&white shoes.

But then it hit me. You know what I have?

STRAWBERRY CROCS. That don’t look as good as this picture because I’ve been wearing them for like a year. 😂

So i think that’s a problem solved. 😂

[1plus3isb]

Another Death Note rewatch and you wanna know what my favorite scene is in the whole anime?

When L reveals himself to Light. Its just so fucking funny to me.

“I want to tell you I’m L.” Just that normal tone with the sudden change to the stage whisper. 10/10

[1plus3isb]

I’ve had this thought in my head for months and just had to do it.

Has it probably been done before? Yes. Did I bother to look before I spent 30min doing this? No, I did not.

So like. Here you go.

[1plus3isb]

Remember that sketch I posted the other day? Well I finished it.

AU where Matt&Mello live and team up with Near to make Roger uncomfortable during the holidays.

💯 saw this tiktok and my first thought was these three in those shirts. And here we are.

But lets not talk about the hands&feet because fuck are they hard to draw.

Here they are separate too.