#death anxiety cw

[selamat-linting]

Wait until they send your son home in a box

See if you're dancing when water is everywhere

Anguish is endless but death's unambiguous

Wave as it carries him off

And pose while it fits you in hospital gowns

And flirt with the men dressed in white

Slip into bed with the fire that consumes our house

Sing on your surveillance tape

Smile in your autopsy photo for once

Phone up the boys that have buried your bones

Where do you get off loving life?

As if it's done any of us any good

[reasonsforhope]

Since the 1960s, the world has seen a spike in the number of natural disasters, largely due to rising sea levels and an ever gradually increasing global surface temperature.

The good news? We’re getting better at helping each other when disasters strike.

According to a recent study from Our World In Data, the global toll from natural disasters has dramatically dropped in the last century.

“Low-frequency, high-impact events such as earthquakes and tsunamis are not preventable, but such high losses of human life are,” wrote lead authors Hannah Ritchie and Pablo Rosado.

To conduct their research, Ritchie and Rosado gathered data from all geophysical, meteorological, and climate-related disasters since 1900. That includes earthquakes, volcanic activity, landslides, drought, wildfires, severe storms, and mass floods. 

In the early-to-mid 20th century, the average annual death toll from disasters was very high, often climbing to over a million. 

For example, the study cites that in 1931, 2.7 million people died from the Yangtze–Huai River floods. In 1943, 1.9 million died from the Bangladeshi famine of 1943. Even low-frequency events had extreme death tolls. 

“In recent decades we have seen a substantial decline in deaths,” Ritchie and Rosado observed. “Even in peak years with high-impact events, the death toll has not exceeded 500,000 since the mid-1960s.”

Why has the global death toll from disasters dropped? 

There are a number of factors at play in the improvement of disaster aid, but the leading component is that human beings are getting better at predicting and preparing for natural disasters. 

“We know from historical data that the world has seen a significant reduction in disaster deaths through earlier prediction, more resilient infrastructure, emergency preparedness, and response systems,” Ritchie and Rosado explained in their study. 

On April 6, [2024],a 7.2 magnitude earthquake rocked the city of Hualien in Taiwan. Days later, as search and rescue continues, the death toll currently rests at 16. 

Experts have praised Taiwan for their speedy response and recovery, and attributed the low death toll to the measures that Taiwan implemented after an earthquake of similar strength hit the city 25 years earlier. Sadly, on that day in 1999, 2,400 people died and 11,000 were injured. 

In an interview with Al Jazeera, Wang Yu — assistant professor at National Taiwan University — said that event, known as the Chi-Chi earthquake, revolutionized the way Taiwan approached natural disasters. 

“There were lots of lessons we learned, including the improvement of building codes, understanding earthquake warning signs, the development and implementation of earthquake early warning (EEW) systems and earthquake education,” said Wang. 

Those same sensors and monitoring systems allowed authorities to create “shakemaps” during Hualien’s latest earthquake, which helped them direct rescue teams to the regions that were hit the hardest. 

This, in conjunction with stronger building codes, regular earthquake drills, and public education campaigns, played a huge role in reducing the number of deaths from the event. 

And Taiwan’s safeguards on April 6 are just one example of recent measures against disasters. Similar models in strengthening prediction, preparedness, and recovery time have been employed around the world when it comes to rescuing victims of floods, wildfires, tornados, and so on. 

What else can we learn from this study?

When concluding the findings from their study, Ritchie and Rosado emphasized the importance of increasing safety measures for everyone.

Currently, there is still a divide between populations with high gross national income and populations living in extreme poverty.

Even low-income countries that infrequently have natural disasters have a much higher death rate  because they are vulnerable to collapse, displacement, and disrepair. 

“Those at low incomes are often the most vulnerable to disaster events; improving living standards, infrastructure, and response systems in these regions will be key to preventing deaths from natural disasters in the coming decades,” surmised Ritchie and Rosado.

“Overall development, poverty alleviation, and knowledge-sharing of how to increase resilience to natural disasters will therefore be key to reducing the toll of disasters in the decades to come."

-via GoodGoodGood, April 11, 2024

[magentasnail]

endless thoughts of impending doom

[chknbzkt]

Cw: Animal death, blood and gore

Day 18 of DCA Promptober: Beast

He probably got out while he was in a stupor, he gets stupid hangry fresh after a shift and the local game are always sure to suffer for it

One of Sun’s worst fears is that one day the carcass he comes-to half-devoured is a person. Moon, Monty, and the rest of the glams have been diligent in watching over him on moon weeks for years, but things like this do happen and it haunts his nightmares how easy it is for him to potentially maul someone he cares about

Or worse: share his “predicament” with them

[khaire-traveler]

Death is scary.

As a concept, it fills many hearts with anxiety, fear, and dread. It keeps people awake at night; it leaves an uneasy feeling in the stomach; it leaves many wondering if they've done all they can with their lives. It is a permanent change - the greatest unknown to all of humankind.

We fear things we don't understand by nature, however natural they may be. We fear major changes outside our control - so little in life is within our reach. We worry and panic and demonize and ignore. We focus so heavily on the bad aspects that we forget to look at the good.

The beautiful life that we've already lived, no matter how difficult; such things deserve celebration. The peace death can bring, transitioning from one chaotic world to one that is silent and calm. The knowledge that it's ok not to know what happens with certainty, it's ok that we don't know everything. Maybe it's not as bad as we think it is. Maybe it's kind and embracing. Maybe it welcomes us as an old friend, with compassion, hospitality, and gentleness.

Death is life's ultimate change, when we move from one form to something entirely new and unexperienced. That can be scary. Change can be scary. But just like in life, I choose to believe that not all change is bad change. There are many things we haven't experienced until we finally do; riding a rollercoaster, going to university, moving to a new place - all of these are changes, some scarier than others, that can result in beautiful experiences beyond what we could've possibly imagined. Whose to death won't be the same?

[kurokawaia]

❛ EXTRAVERTAED? NOT REALLY ❜

Mello X Fem!Reader

WC; 500+ | !MDNI! | TW/CW :: anxiety, x fem reader, reader is slightly timid, shy and all that jizz jazz, mentions of panic attacks + more

⋆·˚ ༘ * 𝑅𝐸𝒬𝒰𝐸𝒮𝒯 :: (filled request) Hey! I wanted to ask if you would be up for writing fluff with Mello x female reader :)) it can be headcanons or anything, but I was wondering if the reader could be like extroverted one moment; having fun and then the next moment they are over whelmed and staying close to Mello due to anxiety 😵- ANON

HONEY'S NOTE :: i don't have diagnosed anxiety so please correct me if anything here is too out of wack, im just goin of personal experiences :)

m.list | death note m.list

Your personality lowkey confused mello at first.

He likes chaos, but he never was that guy to be the life of a party. However, you make people turn their heads at you without a problem as if it was so easy to just chat up any stranger and have him be your buddy in an instant. He just can't see too many people crowd around him, while he can't help but stare at the ease with which you pull this off easily, without even trying.

Mello enjoys the spark of you coming alive in social settings. It's that sparkle when you light up, laughing and bantering when you're in a good mood, he loves how your eyes glimmer 🥺. It's not actually that he enjoys the parties or noise; it's just that sparkle in your eyes when you're having fun.

But the moment you start feeling overwhelmed, he notices right then.

You're great at putting on a brave face, but Mello's too sharp, he notices IMMEDEITYLY. Your shoulders stiffen, your laughter becomes more forced, and in one smooth motion, you're sticking closer to him, hands fidgeting. Mello's not the coddling type, but he's quick to set a hand on your arm. He knows you well enough to pick up on the shift in your mood.

Mello doesn't question it when you start to retreat into your shell. He gives you space and doesn't push for an explanation. Instead, he slowly takes you away from the group, making sure that your presences aren't going to be missed, carefully taking you outside.

That switch from extroverted into anxious doesn't faze him. Mello understands emotional switches better than most. It's not unlike his mood swings, except where he turns his frustration into anger, you tend to shrink into yourself. He gets it.

You lean against his side, his warmth making you feel better, and Mello lets you stay there without complaint. In public he keeps his usual tough-guy demeanor, but his hand resting against yours or his arm casually thrown around you is his way of helping you from an overwhelming environment.

When you're back inside a more private space, Mello softens, but only just a tinee tiny bit.

He won't flood you with questions. He has his way of taking care of you when your anxiety has drained you. Mello's care is not exactly bold, and you appreciate that he knows just how to help without making it awkward.

He knows your limits, sometimes better than you do.

He pulls you gently out of a crowd when you don't even realize how close you are to a panic attack. Then he won't make a big deal about it when you are feeling better. Mello likes that you're independent but he's there when you need him the most.

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

m.list | death note m.list

[voidwritesstuff]

New Beginings In The Golden Hour

Cw:angst,strife has an anxiety attack.

Summary:Death must deal with the consequences of his millennia long awful behavior.

>Hurt/Comfort girlies.

>Part 2 of "Final Moments in the blue hour"

A/N: @darkdemeter hey Deeeem look what I've got. Also, I wrote the lil lullaby and enchantment depicted in the fic (I love making stuff rhyme)

--I'm sorry

The words still didn't registre in Strife's mind. He pulled from the hug a little startled,eyes widening as he turns to Fury for any sort of confirmation that she's just as confused as he is.

But his sister doesn't meet his gaze. She hangs her head low with a reverence for the eldest that is so unlike her. He began to feel something prickle at the back of his head. Something just didnt feel right.

Death didnt fight him when the hug was broken, he simply pressed his face to the hair of the female nephilim. Then the eldest cleared his throat and pulled back,turning to meet Strife's eyes.

--Alright...thats New-- The gunslinger didnt have his characteristical bite to his witt. He coughs a little and his eyes struggle to meet his brother's. -- we should go uh...find War.

Fury nodded,wiping what seems to be tears from the corner of her eyes. She Gave the reaper a look,a bit complicit And like they're having an unspoken conversation.

Yep,hes defenetly was missing something.

--I..I think I know where to find him-- The she-horseman said, nodding towards the spire that ominously hovers in the Sky as a dark and reddened shaped of shattered evil.

--Thats...defenetly a good start-- The gunslinger breathed out-- May! -- the earth shook, kicking up like a jittery whirlwind that sucks in debrie and dust around.

Followed by the spectral neigh of the mare that brings with her a show of beautiful dancing purple flames that pulls the Grass in a well of gravity. The air grows thick with tension that would bring the heart of any non-rider to their throat, making them feel an adrenaline so pure that they would simply become a trembling,feral mess.

As she jumps from the very boughs of the earth,Mayhem the white horse of frenzy tears through the fabric of reality. She runs past her rider and slowly lowers her speed so she can safely trot Back to her master's side.

Mayhem shakes her snout,inspecting Death with an odd tilt of her head as she blinks slowly at the pale rider with confusion. But she doesnt linger, she then turns to Fury and lets out a pitiful neigh.

Within her, Fury feels Rampage squirm at the sadness of his kin. The she-horseman reaches to pat the snout of Mayhem and Gently shooshes her-- He's still too weak to ride. But he Will be fine-- she said softly,the mare closing her eyes and pressing her ears flat to her head.

--He'll be fine-- strife tried not to linger his gaze on the face of the eldest. Its been so long since his actual features could be seen, up until now his face was but a fuzzy memory from childhood. -- C'mon up, Fury. I'll lend you my ride.

With ease he hops on Mayhem's saddle, patting the neck of the mare as a brief comfort. He then offers his hand to his sister,who takes it and gets on behind him.

Strife chuckled to himself and said--Hey whens the last time I gave you a ride? Werent you like...ten? I piggyback carried you to the kitchen didnt I?

--You did-- Fury mused,sniffing Back some of the emotions that still clung to her eyes and soul-- If I recall correctly,I called you squire.

The gunslinger scoffed-- wouldnt be the first time-- he half joked-- Wish I still had my Abyssal armor though,thats such a perfect set up for a knight joke.

With a barked out laugh,the she-Horseman says-- Hm,you've always been a knight to me. I dont see why you would hold back a joke,so unlike you.

Strife eyed Death who watched on with something akin to amusement and subsided endearment. He needs to re-learn how to read him. But still,his unhidden gaze tempers his wit and he just shrugs-- Ah,forget it. The moments passed anyway.

Faintly both hear the eldest snicker before whistling lowly. A sound so puposely horrible that it sets their teeth on edge, even as quiet as it was it remains shrill And withered like a screech from a mournful banshee.

Both wondered what it would happen if he whistled at the top of his lungs.

Yet their thoughts are cut short as theres a loud espectral neigh, behind the pale rider a Mass of blue flames emanates as Despair makes himself known. His Fire Withers the Grass in its path,sucking the life out of them and leaving the vegetation riddled with something akin to frostbite.

Unforgiving winter in his cold flames, he emanates from the ground,bringing with him the smell of sweet Decay yet so glacier cold that it burns the breath of the two younger nephilim.

Despair's hoove pads at the ground and nuzzles the chest of his rider with surrender and relief. Death Gently pats the stallion's head and hops on.

--Shall we?--The eldest asked.

Strife nodded and clicked his tongue at his Mare who begins to trot towards the spire beyond. Silence settles, yet it doesnt dampen the odd tangle of secrets and unspoken information in the air- the gunslinger is defenetly missing something.

Whatever it is, its eating at him already. First, the hug. Whatever the hell has gotten into the eldest?. His mask is gone, that stupid piece of bone is gone and now the white rider can stare with dread and fear at the face of the eldest. Its been so long, he cant reconcile the sweet memories of his brother's face to the bitter ones that were carried by the mask thats Now seemingly lost somewhere.

Neither of the three comment on the lack of spoken word, clearly each of their individual journeys has taken a toll on them. Who gets to speak first? Whats the most important thing to be said? Theres no way to decide,no way to gauge who has had it worst.

Yet if the gunslinger had to guess, Death would be the one to talk first. There has always been an air of mystery to the reaper in his cold detachment, but now he feels more like a myth than a Man.

A sigh leaves strife,louder than he intended to. He flinches as the attention is now on him.

--Something on your mind,Brother?--Death asked,seeing his Real lips say those words makes the white rider freak out internally.

His brother,his guide and lighthouse. The reaper,kinslayer and butcher with his cold,hard shoulder and dismissive attitute. The dichotomy was going to kill him.

--Nuthin' that Will help us-- he said,shrugging-- Y'know me,always thinkin' about silly shit.

The eldest Snickers with genuine warmth,hes conciously slipping up and it only confused the gunslinger further-- While it is true that you're known for your lack of sense,you never hesitated to share. Whats the difference does it make now?

Strife tried so hard to get angry at his brother,before it came so naturally to him but now...he had to conciously find a reason to get angry-- Jus' forget it,okay?-- his voice sounded filled with ire, but its all hollow. Theres no Real intent to bite,theres barely any intent to bark. -- I told you,nuthin' that Will help us.

Behind him,Fury stirrs. Hes so bad at hiding his turbulence from his siblings and specially Fury who knows what to look for. Yet she doesnt say anything and simply pats his arm, telling him quietly to simmer down.

Death let the matter rest, and with yet another dreadful whistle he sent Dust to scan ahead. Were there still demons and angels in the barren earth? This world is nothing but overgrown ruin and forgotten civilizations sundered.

Its a miracle theres still birds to sing and chirp like they've always done. Filling the sunny day with life even if humanity was not there anymore,Wether by the hand of Demise or the saving of maker and she-horseman.

--I...met Angie and Gabrielle-- Fury added a few minutes into their ride-- You sung her our lullaby?

Strife tensed up,ready to feel the scrutinizing gaze of the eldest. What he gets instead is a smug,curious look that still doesnt ease his mind.

--Well uh...its always worked-- He excused, voice a little shaky-- I dont see the issue in it.

--theres none-- she admitted,a little amused at how on edge he was-- Just curious,brother.

--Had to put her to sleep somehow. She has more energy than War when he tried sugar for the first time-- Strife dismissed,trying to shift the attention from him. He doesnt want his vulnerability to be judged by Death's words like hes grown so used to.

Hes quite surprised the pale rider hasnt said anything yet.

--Oh by creator,dont remind me-- Fury said with disdain-- Didnt we knock him out with the Hilt of a maze?

Strife chuckled--We did! I still think that was overkill,though.

--It worked,didnt it?--his sister replied with a laugh to her tone-- He slept for a week afterwards.

--And thank god for that,I couldnt handle so much energy-- the gunslinger answered.

--So much for the spirit of eternal unrest. --She teased

--Ooookay!--He raised a finger-- Lissen' that was waaaay before we became horsemen. I wont let you make me responsible for a title I didnt even have back then!-- his voice cracks just a tiny bit-- And besides! Im the spirit of eternal unrest, not the spirit of eternal sugar rush!

The comment makes his sister burst into loud laughter. She throws her head back and holds her ribs. Something in Strife calms at the sound,always happy to make his sister laugh. Its such a beautiful sound.

--I wonder if he still has that same intolerance!--exclaimed the black rider.

Death snarled-- I am not dealing with that.

--Me neither-- strife agreed-- its your bull to wrangle.

Fury shrugged--My own personal show,then.

--Your funeral-- the gunslinger corrected under his breath. A sugar rushed,grown War sounds like the stuff of nightmares right about now.

--Last time he lost control he almost cleaved you in half-- Death prodded with unhidden amusement.

The black rider shrugged-- he already apologized for It. The past is the past

Strife Turned in utter confusion-- Excuse me? I know he didn' do it on purpose but d'you know how unhinged you sound sayin' you'll forgive a near decapitation?

Fury snickered-- Ive grown a sense of humor,brother. Get used to it. Or are you begining to lose yours?

--Oh fuck right off!--He chided,turning Back to face the road-- 'm just sayin' it sounds crazy.

--You've said crazier-- she bickered back, unaware of the fondness that held the gaze of the eldest rider.

Death has missed this so much. Hes almost inclined to snicker,but he didnt want to Interrupt this very amusing battle of Witts. Ah,hes only missing the popcorn.

The gunslinger scoffed with a bit of annoyance,feeling more pressed than a panini-- Yeah,like what?

Fury thought for a few seconds,trying to remember a concrete example. --When you were at Belials dam in hell. You told war "we need you just shy of raging uncontrollable chaos or you might lose another arm"

--I...fine. ill give you that one.

Death couldnt help himself and let out a few chuckles. He gains an odd look from his siblings and says-- You two truly havent changed. I still remember you two bickered like this when we got our horses.

The she-horseman narrowed her eyes at the reaper like a discontent cat-- Then you proceeded to jump into the raging stampede. You have no place to talk.

--Hm...perhaps-- Him? Admitting defeat?. Strife was going to lose his shit.

Yet the gunslinger doesnt comment on it, he allows the moment to pass and he looks down at the ground with confusion and grief. Hes been worrying, gruellingly so. And now he shows up,face uncovered and acting so..cheerful.

Death.Cheerful...those are two words he would never think of stringing together in one sentence. Until now, that is.

It eats at him, he recalls all his sleepless nights wondering if he would lose the eldest to his mourning. He doesnt feel strong enough to ask,hes grown so accustomed to the reaper's cutting Words that now he cant concede the idea of actually talking to him.

Hes paralyzed by fear. An instinct telling him he Will be mocked and dismissed like Many times before. He wonders what must have happened for him to change so suddenly. Did he even want to know?

And what was he missing with Fury and Death? Theres a certain sadness in her eyes yet relief when she stares at the eldest of their kin. Did she reach out to him like she did with him? What did they talk about?

The gunslinger horseman wished War was here with them. The youngest had a knack for observation and insight. With his cool mind he would be able to tell,hes sure of it.

Until the red rider showed up,he would have to live with the tension in the air. An unspoken issue that still needed to be tackled, an issue that made Strife linger his gaze on the pale rider.

Beside wanting to memorize his face in case that mask comes back on,he also wanted to see how much hes changed. Death never said anything if he noticed. And his firey gaze had mellowed out into a dancing flame like the one in a fireplace.

The reaper "mellowed out" . It really is the end times,isnt it?. At least so it felt to the second oldest horseman,he picked at the situation day in and day out.

He saw his brother act in a way hes never seen before...

No. Thats a lie. Hes seen this behavior before,in the pale rider's youth when he only upheld the title of brother.

What had his journey shown him?

And what was Fury not telling him?

Strife pondered all this as night began to settle. They were in the middle of a barren city,taking refuge within one of the broken down appartment buildings. Around the first floor for easy escape and a good vantage point.

He lays there on an old,probably moldy sofa that he doesnt fit in. His legs hang and rest unconfrotably against the old stone floor thats overgrown by greenery.

Beside him a small fireplace burnt,one that Fury had set up and was currently allowing a kettle to simmer. He figured that after a hundred Years of living with humanity,she had grown attached to their customs. And honestly, the Four had always a bit of a fondness for such drinks.

Yet his ears keenly listen to a hushed conversation that Death and Fury are having outside of this run down appartment.

--I..havent told him-- came the voice of the she-horseman-- I dont think he felt you...

Death sighed and he could hear the shake of his head-- no matter. I dont believe he Will take it well. Neither Will War.

--I didnt feel you either. Not until I reached out-- She sounded confused,mournful. Its such an odd thing to be witness to- shes usually headstrong and sure of herself.

--I dont believe the Council wouldve liked us finding out about those kinds of things. They must have meddled somehow.

--How dare they?--Theres such a primal anger to her growl-- not even the decency to let us know...

--It wouldve raised alarms,sister-- the reaper answered,patting her shoulder-- No matter now. -- then he made a brief pause--...are you alright?

Fury scoffed-- No. --she then sighed,sounding Like she was deinflating as she calmed down-- How do you want me to be? After everything...-- she trailed off-- the pain just never ends for us,does it?

Death let out a low breath-- by our hand,it Will. Nevertheless,sister, I Will not expect you to be your usual self. I dont believe neither of us four are of clear mind at this moment.

--You'll find us all changed,brother.

Theres no hesitation in the reaper's voice as he says-- changed or not,we're still four horsemen united. Still we remain kin. Perhaps thats the only thing that wont change.

Strife heard the clink of armor against armor,he guessed Death hugged Fury. Or the other way around- he couldnt really tell.

Then his siblings returned to their camping spot. The she-horseman tended to the tea and Death stood there with his arms crossed and looking at the gunslinger with an actual amused smile(small, but still there).

--I pity the state of your spinal column.-- he tapped his index finger against his bicep expectantly.

--Psht, its a social construct-- he half joked,hoping that his lack of enthusiasm doesnt slip through.

Its been like this since the begining,Strife is devoid of witt and bite. Hes never quiet,unless something is bothering Him. Like when he found that dagger in Mammon's hoard.

He would rather not think about It, hed has enough of a bitter taste in his mouth. He centers on the faint chittering of cicadas And grasshoppers that begin to sing to the night Sky that remains unchanged with the moon shining bright.

The gunslinger's gaze gets lost in the dancing Fire,trying to make sense of his feelings. He is relieved that Death is alright,hes been worrying for milennia. Theres a joke in the situation that the reaper didnt give any signs of life but he really isnt in the mood for humor right now.

He cant pretend nothing has changed,and still his stupid face stares back at him. The strong features and now kind eyes remind the white rider of the nicer memories with the eldest,he hates it.

Enough was enough and he wasnt ready to reconcile the image of the perfect,protecting brother to the merciless kinslayer. It reminds him that a lot of the pain hes felt after the massacre was thanks to the hands of Death.

Yet anger cant seem to get a grasp on him,a part of him does understand that neither were the same after the siege of Eden. But why was he so cruel? So needlessly cutting.

No,he cant come back to play house without an apology.

Will he even get an apology?

--Strife...--Comes the firm voice of Fury as she hands him a Cup.

--Wha..?--He muttered,looking up to see the mug with steaming tea. He sighs and sits up,taking the cup in his hands and realizing soon he recognizes the craftmanship-- these are Gabrielles...

--Yes. She let me take them with me--The female nephilim answered-- Angie was specially happy to lend them after I told her i'd be seeing Jones too.

The white rider looked impressed-- Wait,does she know...?

--I had to tell her eventually-- Fury noted how...coy he looked. It was an adorable sight-- she really likes you.

Strife felt his face redden. Death didnt need to know about all this.

--Who is this Angie you speak of?--smug,smug old bag of bones and dust...

Fury scoffed and sent a malicious look to the second eldest who sinks against the couch and begins to dissociate as his face burns with shame. He is never living this down.

Death looks amused, wondering If some of his older brother habits rubbed off on the second eldest. He chuckled and said-- I see the resemblance with War...or is it William?

The gunslinger sets the mug on his lap and puts his hands on the eye part of his mask. He sighs loudly and says-- fury...I hate you...so much...

A laugh is the answer he gets-- Its adorable, brother--Fury takes a sip of her tea,just about to combust from how funny the image of his brother being flustered is. --She only says good things about you.

Death chuckled lowly,looking at his brother-- You've got a fan,strife. -- he teased.

Strife pointed at his eldest and said-- You. Zip. It.

The sound that comes Next stuns both of the younger riders. Its a sound that they've seldomed, something that they might have heard in a dream or a childhood memory- the origin is uncertain, which only floors them further.

From deep within the pale rider's gut, reverberating against his narrow diaphragma and his sinewy throat...Death laughs quite loudly and bares a fanged smile at his younger sibling.

Both siblings exchange a look of...surprise? Horror? Neither know but Fury just joins in the laughter out of either sheer desbelief or unbridaled joy. She throws her head back,her laughter growing a little deeper and scratching her throat at the shift in position of her traquea.

Yet Strife's hands begin to shake,his breath is uneven and his world began to swirl. He hurriedly sets down the cup and all but runs out of the appartment in a huff.

His eyes Sting with tears ,and he has to go to the floor underneath their camping spot and find a dark corner to curl into himself. His helmet gets torn off and he begins to heave in his breath.

Light does his chest begin to feel,pressure lowering and his eyes Rolling back into his head, yet he still cries. His whole body shakes like an unstable earthquake,and his throat feels like its scratched by a feral,scared animal trying to get out.

Water streaks down his cheeks and chiseled jaw, his lightly scarred lips quivering and his nostrills flare with each breath that burns his lungs as he cries.

The disconnect between both faces of his brother was breaking his mind in two. How could the same brother that was his lighthouse be the responsible for his pain all those milennia back?.

He cries, realizing now that his child self is begining to catch up to all the trauma and pain that Death has caused. His whole world is about to just fall and shatter as conciousness wavers between abandoning Him and staying.

Memories begin to mix,old and New,good and bad. His brother,the kinslayer,his role model,the butcher. Its all so,so much.

Strife put his hands on his face,clawing at his scalp to try and ground himself. He cries and tries to Keep silent and yet the beast within him,that wounded Child,wants nothing more than to scream and growl.

He spent the night Cooped up in that dark corner crying. Hes seldomed his siblings and the cup of tea that his sister has so kindly brewed for him.

Meanwhile at their camp,Fury begins to settle and see that her brother is not there. She tilts her head and asks-- was he..that angry?

Death narrows his eyes at the spilt cup of tea on the sofa and sighs-- not..angry. -- he raised a hand as his sister tried to stand up-- leave him alone. I dont think its wise to go out looking for him...you know how unstable his emotions are

Fury huffed,sitting down-- I just...I dont understand what is up with him.

The eldest rubbed his face with exhaustion. He underestimated how closed off Strife would be--I dont think he can move on,nor do I blame him. Ive been...awful,to say the least-- he gave his sister a reassuring look-- we'll find him in the morning. Neither of us can handle this right now.

With a sad nodd,the she-horseman went to a quiet corner herself and hoped that her gun-slinging sibling didnt do anything stupid. Death simply stared at the flame,knowing theres a lot of hard work ahead of him. And he knows hes going to hate it,mainly because he Will have to actually show emotions.

But he wanted that second chance and he got it,so he better do good on his word.

He did tell his sister to not meddle,but he does want to make sure that Strife is okay. Dust seems to pick up on this because the rebel corvid flies down to the hiding spot.

The gunslinger tries to Gently shove the bird back,but the crow is quite insistent and cuddles on the horseman's shoulder. He sighs and relents, at least he has this anchor.

Morning came soon.And when Strife appeared outside already on mayhem, Fury went to hop on the Mare and lean on her brother reassuringly. A brief touch but a show that she had worried.

He shook his head dismissively--Im fine.

--Youre not-- she said lowly,decisively and firmly. But she doesnt pry further.

Death sees his brother avoid his gaze, and this time he doesnt whistle to call for his steed. Simply he does a hand gesture and hops on the saddle quickly, sending Dust ahead to scout.

Yet before he obeys the commands of his master, the corvid settles on the white rider's shoulder and begins to preen off a few hairs with gentle care.

Strife snorts loudly and doesnt shrug off the bird. Hes also glad that his eldest of kin doesnt comment on it, Fury does though.

--thats how he shows he cares-- she said lowly for her saddle companion to hear.

--He can come and talk to me like an adult--The gunslinger ignored the hypocrisi in his statement. He could go and talk to him too.

After that,he Gently kicks the side of his steed and both stallions begin to ride forward to that accursed spire looming over earth.

This unrest he feels lingers for days. Strife wasnt sure what he was feeling, was it relief? Horror? Fear?. He didnt know what his emotions were doing,he was scared shitless and for the first time in his life he is unable to put his brother on a place that feels right.

First he could say that he admired and loved his brother,then that he couldnt stand him and yet still he worried. Now he didnt even know if he should talk to him,or talk back.

--Dust has seen some tracks that look like Ruins-- Commented Death,trying to prod his brother to talk-- Do either of you know what happened to War?

--He was casted to the abyss--Fury seemed to know,strife doesnt even react. He had his ways of knowing but still the idea of his baby sibling suffering such fate stabbed his heart.

Not that he would let it show.

--Only that?-- Asked the eldest,disturbed at how his once witty brother now seems lost with his gaze on the floor. Hes almost allowing Mayhem to set the path and route,at least the mare does try to follow along with their plan.

--Sadly,yes. I could try and reach out again-- the sister proposed-- Easier to find him if we just ask...

Death began to see the golden hour set in. He nodds and says-- We'll find a place for you to safely reach out to War. -- he then tried to Gently nudge the calf of his brother with his foot. Emphasis on the gentle part-- Is that okay with you,Strife?

The gunslinger seemed to blink out of his stupor. Unaware of the pained look of his sister behind him,what a horrible state to see him in.-- huh?wha- Sure. Whatever-- He murmured,breathing sharply and trying to save face.

Death flinched a little and drifted his gaze to the dark spot that was dust against the Pink and purple Sky. The colors swirl together and like melted honey they mingle. Its been beautiful day so far.

As planned they find a safe enough spot. An old greenhouse thats been largely overgrown by now. And near a park with a recornizable enough statue, woman with a fruit basket.

They hope the easily recognizable landmark helps the youngest rider to find their camp spot.

Fury goes to a quiet spot but as she passed the eldest she gripped his forearm hard,strong enough to dig her taloned gauntlets on the metal armor of her sibling.

--talk. To. Him. Now. -- she growled- no,demanded. -- I wont spend one more day with him like this.-- her hair flares a bright yellow,he recognizes the power of the Fire hollow. And he sees a few glimmers of purple in her hair as the force hollow allows her to sink her nails into his armor further only to prove and solidify her Point.

With a silent sigh he nodded and felt himself shoved a little with anger.

He goes to find his brother who stands before an overgrown pond. Hes looking down at his own reflection,the helmet Next to his pistols a few meters back. The golden hour makes his spiky hair look like a jagged eclipse with a ring of Orange lines.

Silent steps approach the gunslinger and he then says--Strife...we must talk.

--What is there to talk about?-- His brother answered,voice flat.

--The matter of why Ive been behaving the way that Ive been-- he stands beside his brother,looking at the face of his younger of kin. Hes also missed being able to see his face.

Perhaps without their masks,they can finally talk.

--I need you to understand that what I did, I did for War-- He began, his hands tightening into fists and then relaxing like hes a jittery cat. -- I visited the crowfather, and fought him. The amulet shattered and embedded itself in me.-- the recalling of those memories isnt pleaseant,but he must Keep going-- to resurrect humanity, to erase the crime,I had to make a sacrifice. I...threw myself into the well of souls. To exchange the nephilim for humanity.

--...so you died?-- his voice carries no life,no witt,no snark,no rebellious undernote or teasing remark.

--yes--death tries to be soft in the way he speaks,he recalls the way he used to Lower his voice and quieten his pronounciation. With a bit of ease,he slips into his old role as brother-- and before I did,I remembered our childhood. And I realize now that i...-- he hisses out a sigh-- Ive done Many things wrong..

He sees strife blink back into conciousness-- Yeah?

Okay, hes defenetly not hearing the end of this. Ever. But he is no stranger to making sacrifices for his siblings.

--Indeed,and I have hurt you all in ways my younger self would be horrified to know about. -- he sighed loudly and put a hand on his sibling's shoulder--And for all the titles ive beared,the only one I cared for, the only one I havent been able to uphold has been the title of Brother. I....am sorry. For all the pain I've put you through.

Strife Turned to face his brother. Expression confused and eyes widened to the point they might pop out of their sockets.

--You...are such an asshole!--he chided.

Death snickered and nodded--Indeed. Ive..been nothing short of awful. But I wish not to lose another brother,and yet another part of my soul.

The gunslinger snorted.Begining to cry and having to bite back a fanged grin that ultimately,hes unable to restrain. His tears look like Fire in the golden hour glow,and his eldest of kin Gently wipes them away.

--Would you throw yourself into a well for me?--He asked,showing a bit of his humor.

With a snicker,the reaper says-- of course -- he keeps wiping away the tears-- remember when you came back home late?

--You...wiped off the dirt on ma face--Strife recalled,feeling himself slowly return to his usual self. Thats all he needed to hear-- n tended to my wounds.

--I never felt...--He struggled to hold the eye contact,but managed to do so if only because he knows the gunslinger Will never forgive him if he chickened out now.

--C'mon,asshole,spit it out.

--So...scared of losing you-- he finally finished,feeling a bit of annoyance at the disrespectful remark. But he was in no spot to be picky-- The same way I...made sure we all returned from Eden. And having...died, showed me a lot of things.

A scoff left the white rider,he nodded along and his grin never wavered-- was that so hard?

Death snorted and shook his head-- you absolute blight...-- he said with fondness.

--Hey! You deserve it.

--I do.--Strife roughly hit the side of his brother and snickered at how he flinches.--i bear my heart to you and thats how im repaid?--The reaper teased.

--Now you know how I feel.

--Fair enough

Both stand there in the overgrown garden,a Tiny oasis in this abandoned world. Reminds them both of the forests they would train in,the places they would forage. Returning to their old selves perhaps wasnt so bad.

In the golden hour,Death finally can take in the face of his brother. He missed seeing it, its good to know neither have changed much in appereance.

The eldest sighed loudly and pulled his brother for a tight hug. And this time,Strife didnt fight back and melted into his brother's embrace. The eldest begins to sing a lullaby in nephilim tongue.

Hes never forgotten the words either.

--the sun's gone to rest. The moon above begins to show.

In the clouds lay your head,and hold tight to your Cowl.

And if the cold comes to bite you,nuzzle close to my heart right beside you.

Strife picked up where his brother left off-- night sweet night,of slumber and repair.

Pair with your loved one,as the shadows lumber again.

Safe against my ribs,holding you close to my heart.

And youll find nightmares to be scarce.

When morning comes,and the sun shines bright.

Open the door and play, ever spry.

The light of the sun begins to set,the hug tightens and neither feel the need to pull away. Not anymore.

Meanwhile,Fury sits on the inner part of the greenhouse. The Windows are overgrown and the whole room is dark and its the perfect place for her to zone out and reach for her brother. She worries still that Death Will mess this up,but theres little she can do to fix her eldest's problems.

Its not her responsability to fix it.

She does worry, she finds herself doing that a lot these days. And by now shes just bitten the bullet that she has a tender heart, and always had It.

With a shake of her head she sits on the mossy Grass and puts her hands on her knees as she is currently crosslegged. She has been practicing meditation with the humans,and shes found a few magical uses for it.

A deep breath fills her air with lungs finding the thread that connects the four that they are. A bond that felt like running horses,burning flames, coldest bite, frenzied,bloody and unmoving. But kind,growing and healing.

Its a hectic Line to walk,but Fury has grown accostumed to it and knows where to step now. She holds her breath,hearing the rustle of the wind that moves the vegetation around her.

Lowly,she sings a little lullaby of her own. Like the Cantrip of a spell to focus on a certain horseman,needing not of memories but rather calling to their very Essence.

Shes perfected it along the past months where her yearning for her family has grown exponentially since shes last reached out. she'd never admit to how tailored each verse became,and she would never admit she would read what human poetry was scavenged And saved before creating New Haven as inspiration for rhyme And reason.

Clearing her throat, she allows the words to flow. The Fire hollow ignites and spreads her warmth to the Flora,its Like the magic travels across the mycelium networks. Nature in itself carried an arcane connection like few things in life.

As Death had told her, Life was quite entwined with the ending of all things. Just like she was forever tangled in the thread of her brothers.

--Beyond the smoke,beyond the brimstone.

Hulking does your form become.

Pale red in the thin storm.

Of Fire and desolation thrown. --she can see her brother walking Among an Ashen field,perhaps it was during the battle of eden or one of their countless missions.-- I becon you red rider.

I becon you,my Kin.

My red cladded brother.

Sweet as you've always been.

She breathes out,sending the call out into the world. She finds It grip the mind and attention of War and she finds herself glowing like flame,still using her hollow power. She thought the Fire would help to center her magic, she knew flame was tangled deep within the red rider.

He stands there confused,magic has always escaped him-- sister...hello?

Around them is An ashen battlefield with dark clouds and faint Fire crackling over a storm that threatens to break anytime soon. Corpses around them are blurry,overlapping in details like mixed memories.

The air smells of ash,decay and smoke. Neither seemed to mind,the smell just a part of their lives by now.

--Dont sound so surprised-- She laughed,crossing her arms and tapping her index finger on her bicep. Little thing she got from Death.

--Your magic escapes me-- he chided,a little embarassed at sounding so caught off guard-- But its good to see you. You heeded my call?.

--Always...-- she said softly with a fond smile-- We are in a greenhouse. I Belive we're near an old plaza,grand. Broken statue of a woman with a basket of fruits.

War remained silent,the cogs clearly turning in his head as he slowly finds the place and the route to get there. --I believe I know the place. Shant take long,a days ride away.

--Dont overwork your horse,Will you brother?--she asked teasingly.

The youngest rider laughed--Will try not to-- He snickered and then returned to his serious demeanor. A little soft,and concerned-- How is Rampage faring?

Fury's smile Turned silken and gentle-- He's...reccuperating well. I feel him grow stronger every day.

--Perseverent and enduring. Much like you, sister.

She giggled-- Thank you,brother. How is Ruin?

--Hes doing well, the time with the demons still haunt his mind. But not as often,hes returning to his self.

--Good to hear--Fury Turned behind her,hearing a soft windchime that ends with the Roaring of a flame-- Ill dissapear soon. Come find us.

War nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to the forehead of his sister's apparition before both are pulled from this pocket dimention back to their bodies.

Fury does laugh at the gentle gesture,endeared at the unlikely softness of War. She stretches and takes a few minutes to shake off the strain this spell usually caused,and to give her brothers more time to reconcile.

She lingers for ten more minutes before standing up and walking to the garden. She finds the brothers hugging and just pulling back when she fully reaches the entrance to the place they are in.

Death pats the shoulder of his sibling,purpousely tripping Him into the pond,its easily 6 foot deep. He then turns to Fury,unbothered-- well?

--He'll be here tomorrow night,probably-- She answered-- if he takes longer,Its my fault. I dont want Ruin to be overworked.

--Good enough-- he nodded approvingly,crossing his arms over his chest and Gently tapping his index finger on his bicep--You seem tir-- his sentence is cut short when Strife yanks him by the back of his crusty,dusty,stinky purple cowl into the pond.

The pale rider stumbles into the cool water,letting out a curse in nephilim tongue and goes to fight his brother in the water. His black hair sticks to his face and he bites on It a little in the rustle And toussle of the fight.

And to add insult to injury,Fury calls upon her stasis hollow and throws a ball of freezing ice into the makeshift water feature. It freezes them in spot and she laughs loudly as shes deathglared by her kin.

--You two are like dogs-- she justified with no convincing tone that what she did was fair. She walks past them,sticks her tongue out and goes to find a patch of beautiful orchids to gaze at and take just a few blooms for herself. She freezes a few of the seeds and flowers,setting them in her bag for humanity when she eventually returns.

And they stay the night,there. The brothers do break from their icy Bonds and chase after their shit stirrer sister. For the first time in milennia,they feel like children again in their little chasing game and harmless sparring.

It ends with Fury in the pond,as Strife laughs loudly and Death watches on in smug content.

-♡-

The day waiting for War is spent in quiet storytelling. Drinking tea, and finally telling eachother about their journeys across realms and even...Time.

--Of course you get time jumping shit!--Strife chided,thoroughly offended. His voice cracks and he drinks what has to be his third cup of tea.

--Jealous much,brother?-- Death asked,nursing his fourth cup of tea as the afternoon settles above them. They rest in the cool shadow of the overgrown,dark greenhouse.

--Piss off!-- He chided again, pointing accusatorily at him-- gimme! Hand it the fuck over!

--In your wildest dreams,brother-- the eldest answered,smug as always and his face not hiding the utter contentment because of his kin's dismay.

--And you get hollows?!--He asked to fury. Shes also not exempt from his jealousy-- C'mon!!! Its not fair.

The she horseman snickered,seeing his brother In the lowlight of their campfire reminds her of the times they would spend the nights in candelight and tell eachother stories back when both were young.

--You mustve gotten something fun,im sure-- his sister said.

Strife sniffed, looking at the Fire and losing his train of thought in the process-- Last cool thing I got was the Void Bomb,An Aether Spark too. But I left it hidden. That power is not good in my hands

Death raised a brow-- And then you complain about having nothing...fun.

--If the creator ever decides t'send me on a fun lil' adventure of my own through time n' space ill let you know-- He snickered,a joke only to himself. He turns to something the others cannot see,and winks.

Fury rolled her milky white eyes and smacks her brother out of his otherworldly stupor-- idiot...--She bit with a smile--I'm telling you right Now this tea had nothing special.

--Y'know I do have one cool gift but I wont tell you-- He snickered,setting the empty cup on the Grass and he laying down-- 'nyway. Shut up. 'M takin' a nap.

He puts his helmet over his eyes like an ill-feeting cowboy hat and uses his arms as pillows. His back pressed against the soft moss.

The she-Horseman checked his cup just for good measure and shrugged at her brother who does a dismissive hand gesture. They resume their conversation

in a low tone as to not disturb Strife who got really bitchy if hes interrupted in his rest.

-♡-

When night comes,they Hear the clobbering of heavy hooves and meet their hooded brother out on the street. War seems a bit on edge,wondering how much do his siblings know. And if they believe him a traitor.

No animosity has been detected in his brief interactions with Fury though, which eases his nerves.

--Brothers...sister--He called out,not hopping off of Ruin just yet-- Theres much to talk about.

As if able to sense his worry,Strife says-- The council sucks ass. Whats New? --He has his helmet tucked between his forearm and rib. He smiles a fanged grin and adds-- Death here threw himself into a well of souls for you and to bring back humanity. Fury convinced Ulthane to help you and I never doubted you. -- he scoffed-- you? Breaking the rules? Pluh-ease.

War sighed with relief,hopping down from his horse. He pats the stallion's neck and dismisses the equine steed back to rest in his pocket dimention.

Death becons his brother closer and Gently dusts off his shoulder pauldron. A habit hes always carried,always a mother hen.--We'll talk in the morning-- the eldest decided,giving a complicit look to the other two siblings.--I believe we all had enoug bad news for a lifetime.

In their heads they get the faintest hint of an idea. And so they bring their sibling within the green house,to the pond that in hindsight it really is 6 foot deep, he'll fit just fine. And with their strength combined (and a bit of Force Hollow shenanigans) they throw their behemoth of a brother into the water.

He screeches at the sudden coolness before he looks at the three with the eyes of a kicked,betrayed puppy. His white eyes just widen and his lips part,and then prank clicks instantly. Their laughter wont last long.

And thats how they know they have messed up,as his eyes fill with determination.

War yanks his siblings by grabbing the three in a waist hug and throwing them into the pond with him. Laughing along at their dismay

The night is filled with the joyful laughter of the horsemen. And when theyre done horsing around, they all huddle in the darkened interior of the greenhouse and sit around the Fire with warm tea and content looks in their faces.

Death keeps watch for the night as his siblings rest with their weapons nearby. He sighs and with a smile In his face he feels like hes finally fulfilling his Word.

Kinslayer no more,Brother from now on.

[raposabranca]

Hi I'm sorry I disappeared. I'm dealing with A Bit right now and hit a block. The thought of doing art is averse to me at the moment, and I'm struggling because I love art. Trying to find a way out. Love you, thank you for your continued support through the harder and the easier times.

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

What triggers Sunny? Wanna make sure to keep all his triggers away from him too

He hates rats.

And by extension, rodents in general.

Despises them.

Loathes them.

If he hears anything that resembles the squeak or skittering of a mouse or rat, he goes completely rigid, like he's either about to pounce or jump to the ceiling. If he thinks it's there, he will turn the place upside down to find it and kill it.

If his anxiety worsens, he will start to hear and feel phantom rats crawling all over him. Even inside. He's ripped a few articles of clothing to "make them go away".

A child once found a mouse in the library and showed it to Sun. He nearly smacked the animal from the kid's hand but managed to refrain and told them to free it outside.

Another thing- he can't watch any films or TV that graphicly depict dead/dying children. Brings up horrible memories.

[flickys-courage-club]

Explaining the Lore of my CTCD AU – Caretakers of Anxiety

This first starts at the mansion of Nathan, Teresa and their son Barry, who is now carrying out the bloodline. But right until the butler sees the door and when they opens it, it happens to be Toxin, the spider mobster and his gang, on the run to murder the entire family. Toxin immediately has his gang kill the remaining staff except for the main butler who runs to Barry's room. The family hears the gunshots, they saw their staff murdered. Nathan and Teresa come face to face with their arch enemy Toxin(according to Toxin. He hated them since he learnt that Barry's ancestor Barrett killed his ancestor Cider during the medieval times). Barry and the butler were in the room, poor Barry is scared and shaking by the sounds of gunshots and violence. Then it stops, the butler goes by, and... with horror on his face. Nathan and Teresa's bodies are completely dead. They sadly... died at the hands of that awful crime lord. Before the butler could take his hands on him. One of his gang members shot him by the eye, dead. And now... they are on their last target... Barry!

Barry is panicking, and sobbing his eyes out, due to his age, he doesn't know that his parents are dead. The moonlight shining on his face by the window, but there, a shadow appears by it, it appears to be Cajun Fox, he opens the window and hops out of it. Searching the area for ingredients for his cuisine. His ears twitch by Barry's sobbing, he sees him hiding. The two then hear Toxin's gang member attempting to break the door. Cajun lifts Barry up and takes him out of his room. And running off, holding him in his arms. Toxin and his gang successfully break the door but failed to get rid of Barry.

Cajun brings Barry to his home, he lives with his friends or known as together "The Revenge Six!" Katz finds the two. He gets serious at Cajun, and he immediately has a little talk about bringing Barry in their home. Barry is in the living room with Black Puddle Queen, Clutching Foot, Le Quack and Weremole. After the discussion, Katz then has no choice, and without response... he brought up adoption papers. With each of them signing eachother into the papers.

Barry now is adopted by the six. He feels uneasy with them but tries to get in with his "adopted" family

Most of his relationships would be with Katz acting as a serious father, Cajun Fox acting like an older brother, Puddle Queen acting as a mother and Le Quack acting as an another father to him.

Courage(who that he knew Barry since he was born) sees that Barry being adopted by his enemies, he thinks that he might make him part of his team or even harm him badly.

All of the characters and many of my CTCD OCs are the same main selves in this AU!

As for Muriel, Eustace, Bunny, Kitty, Shirley, Mad Dog, Computer, Freaky Fred and many of my other OCs in this AU. They don't appear to knew about Barry's adopted family

Barry was aged 3 when the murder happened

[antiendovents]

more venting ... Eep kinda, I'm so sorry y'all put up with me , not exactly endo related tho, big TW in this one, please check tags for appropriate TWs

I don't really understand what's happening, am I crashing? Am I having some kind of melt down? I don't know. I just feel bad. Horrible. Like the entire world is so horrid and dark and that I'll never be able to be who I want to be. I don't understand this place and I don't think I ever will. I don't understand why people hate me, why they want me dead just for being me. I'm so scared. I feel like someone's going to kill me, like I will die before I even get the chance to be.. me. And everytime I tell someone they just fucking laugh at me, or try give me "logic". But I know that logically it is possible. I could get murdered and it's scary. I do not want to leave my house anymore. At all. It's literally my birthday and all I can think of is how fucked everything is and how I'm going to end up dead.

[rotten-dog-teeth]

I'm absolutely brainrotting over how horrific humans are

• We are not bipedal. We are quadrupedal. We forced our bodies out of shape just for the sake of going against god. Our legs are bent out of shape, our hip joints have been forced outwards at unusual angles, our spines - necks and backs - have been contorted into flimsey spring-like structures to support our poorly distributed amalgamation of flesh and bone, pur extremities have been elongated, compressed and re-framed to fit our new whims.

• We manipulated everything. Will said in that episode about the woman abducting yhe kids to try to make a family that as a survival instict, we have to bond with our captors otherwise we're breakfast. That's what we did to literally fucking everything. Animals are naturally scared of us. We think that animals are scared because they are ignorant, but they are scared because they are smarter than us because they see us for what we really are: abominations and monsters. They either get docile and cozy with us to become our companions so we dont kill them or they try to avoid us or hell even fight us but if they havent been domesticated then they're fucking dead meat. And cozying up to us is not a sure fire way of survival. We pick and choose who we domesticate. Dogs and cats, yeah. Rats and pigeons, we kill them or at the very least banish them. And even being domesticated is not a sure fire way of survival. We forcibly change their biology to be dependent on us and then routinely abuse or neglect them, or pit them against eachother, or ignore them, or "accidentally" let them loose to take another domestic's life. We are manipulators. We don't train animals, we manipulate them. We trick them into thinking we're safe, and don't let them realise until it's too late. Humans aren't the top of the foodchain. We're not the apex predator. We're humans. We're fucking horrors. And nothing we could ever come up with in any book, film, show, etc could ever come close to the horrific god-killing creation that is a human "being".

• We have such a comprehensive specrum and magnitude scale of emotion that our brains try to self-destruct to quell it. We feel too much love or care? Our instict is to crush/squeeze it to death. We feel too sad? Our instict is to tear ourselves apart piece by piece or just outright blunt force ourselves into peace.

• We are so fucked up that our brains actively come up with ways to supress, control or just outright kill us. On a high place? Our instict is to jump. See something sharp or hot? Our instict is to grab/touch it. Our brains fabricate fake threats to scare us into submission - phobias, anxiety, etc.

• Our bodies are so viscerally unnatural that we are alienated from every other living thing that we know of. Not one creature has a remotely similar body to us. Our joints are bent in freakish ways, we move unlike any other thing to exist, we communicate in a million different ways in a noise that nothing else can make. We are fucking disgusting.

• Our bodies try to self-destruct to prevent us from continuing to exist. We cannot successfully give birth most of the time without lots of medical help or even being fully split open and physically separated from the foetus by other humans due to our hip to head size ratio. We are the only creature capable of choking because of the development of speech.

[life-take]

I've added the PDF of this old comic collection to my Ko-fi store! It's pay-what-you-want, every donation is highly appreciated <3

Make sure to read the description as it deals with some serious things such as depression, anxiety, and a mention of death.

[jarsarahere]

Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived too long. Like I was supposed to be gone a while ago but I’m still here for some reason. Things just feel like they don’t click with me the sound of the year if too futuristic for me maybe I was supposed to die in a more realistic sounding year? I feel out of place with my current age maybe because I was never meant to be it in the first place I was only meant live to 13/14. Even watch my family age it’s hard emotionally to watch, maybe I wasn’t supposed to? I don’t have a life right now maybe that’s trying to say something.

[stardstschlar]

Dio was flying through the air with the steamroller at his mercy. A maniacal look upon the vampires features had told Jotaro that this may be his very last moment to live and that he may actually very well die from this. Rage burned through his veins as his motivation to keep fighting fueled every ounce of it, fists curled and ready, Star flexing before him as the machine came closer...and closer....and closer --

With a cry the Joestar shot straight up, woken himself out of his sleep. Trembles rolled throughout his form, sweat covering every inch of his frame as heavy pants of breath left his parted lips. That was one of the nightmares that played on repeat for the ravenette, a constant repeat of the past that continued to haunt him even as he was going through the steps of receiving the help he needed. His therapist had told him what to do when moments like this happened, when the dreams were much too real and had freaked him out to the point of nearly having a panic attack.

Deep breath in....

Exhale said breath.

Count to ten in English, count to 1 in another language -Italian, no. French, maybe. It didn't matter as that's what he started to do in order to calm his breathing. his nerves were lit beneath his skin hands trembled as one raised to stroke dark hair back from his face. His focus now had been on the darkness of the room he was in.

Shit.

Once his heart stopped trying to break out of his chest, the Joestar had shifted to slip out of bed, pushing aside the blanket before standing. He need to smoke. The memories of the night now playing over and over in his head, the nightmare still quite visible in his mind. Jotaro didn't think he'd ever been so freaked out but that night had proven otherwise. Though it was never shown as he did everything to ensure that Dio couldn't pick up on it.

Unfortunately, the damned bastard had picked up on something.

Grabbing up the lone packet of cigarettes from the nightstand, lighter next to it was also grabbed up. Glancing back the raven haired stand user carefully slipped out on to the balcony of his apartment, the night air easily cooling his heated skin the moment he'd stepped out. Teals looked up to the dark, star lit sky above him. His thoughts were chaotic - all over the place with the memories running on repeat.

Damn, he really needed to do something else to rid him of these thoughts. Taking a breath Jotaro pulled a stick from the pack and brought it to his lips, his lighter was next lighting the cancerous thing afire. Inhaling the smoke he pulled the stick from his lips to exhale, a low hum leaving him. While the progress had been slow there had been notable progress in the improvement of his health.

Slow progress was better than nothing, he supposed. Closing his eyes the Joestar pushed back the memories of his fight and fought to look for something calmer, more welcoming than what was playing out.

His mother's smiling face. Knowing she was alive because of himself and the others - that was a comfort in and of itself. Knowing that Holly was currently at home, resting peacefully in bed without death looming over her, without the fear of being taken from this world so soon....

That was truly something that had now brought a comfort to the man.

That was what Jotaro had decided to focus on, instead of the bad....

[cakemagemaeve]

To sum up the last week, on Thursday my cat Marceline the Vampire Queen (October Daye's oldest daughter and the only surviving kitten from her first litter) slipped out and we've yet to get her back inside. She's still semi-feral, and she's still recovering (physically and mentally) from getting spayed on the 30th (it was a traumatic process for everyone and she had only just begun to trust me again when she escaped) and none of us saw her until Tuesday evening. Until then I thought she'd already been killed, what with the construction right next to us and the coyotes, foxes, birds of prey and idiot drivers all around, so even just catching a glimpse of her running and hiding under the shed eased my mind greatly. All my attempts to lure her back inside have failed thus far, but she's started spending her evenings on the back porch, and we have made some progress in getting her to come to us. I'm glad she's still alive (and VERY glad she's now spayed and vaccinated), but I don't think I'll be able to relax until she's back inside, safe and sound.

On Tuesday morning I had my monthly pain doctor appointment that could so easily been an email, and they sent in the prescription for my pain patches, but since Medicaid sucks, it'll only pay for the name brand patch, and since Walgreens sucks, they don't keep the name brand in stock, just the generic. So now I have to wait until Monday at the earliest to get my pain meds, which I've been out of since Tuesday (when it was supposed to be filled). I've been in constant agony ever since my last patch ran out (although I've taped it back on because it's not like there's anything else I can do) and have barely slept all week, but what's another weekend in mind-numbing agony. It's not like going a whole week on 7 cumulative hours of sleep is anything new for me. Because yeah, this has happened every month since I started on these patches, and none of my attempts to get it sorted out for good have worked. This is a monthly experience for me.

Also! Yesterday there was that surprise water bill, and then last night my cat Big Bubba Kupo escaped as well, and I managed to hurt myself quite badly getting him back inside. Worth it, though.

Worst of all though, my dad's cat Miss Chi has been slowly getting sicker for months, and nothing the vet has given us has helped much at all. Around the start of this month she started to take a drastic turn for the worse despite all of our best efforts, and so we're saying goodbye to her this afternoon. She's been a wonderful cat, and I'm going to miss her so much. Love you, Chi.

So yeah. That's what's been going on in my life these days. Honestly, would it really kill the universe to throw me a goddamn bone once in a while?