#dear sephiroth

[blackfeathersflurry]

PSA-Remember everyone, if someone suspicious contacts you, terrify them until they go away.

As a former cult leader, I may have some experience in this. Simply ask something along the lines of "Are you willing to offer your body and soul to the lifestream for our mother Jenova?", or something similar. Get creative. Remember to use a creepy emotionless and unsettling voice while doing this. (Over the phone, chat, and irl)

"Oh good, you came to me. It looks like my plan worked." Almost always throws the person off guard. They think there are others in the area getting ready to ambush them, or as MUW says-get the jump on them. And they may think you are the lure. Do not stop there. Stay confident. Keep going. Talk about a barbeque and how they are the main course. Their ribs definitely look meaty. (Only works irl)

Talk about the weather and how you buried someone last week who looked just like them. "Oh well. It must be a coincidence. But you'll be happy to do it again." (Phone, chat, irl.)

Discuss deadly toxins as a topic. Cleaning chemicals count. Know their effectiveness on the body and know which ones are undetectable and can be seen as a typical medical condition, unless requested in an autopsy. Just for conversation sake. Then go straight for crime documentaries about serial killers and how they never got caught and how they are very.... educational.

MUW: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHEN IM NOT HOME?!?!

Cleaning and coping. I need something stimulating while you're away.

MUW: Ok, so long as you're avoiding the documentaries about Jones Town....

Oh please, I was bad. But I wasn't Jim Jones bad.

MUW: What?!

What?

[catboyidia]

my ffvii ships new years kisses:

- zakkura: zack gets really giddy and excited and kisses cloud as soon as new years hits, flustering cloud really badly in the process but afterwards they both cant help but smile at each other and giggle

- asg: they’re all about to just go for it but then they need to pause for a moment as they realize theres three of them… they debate trying to figure out how to make a three-way kiss work but quickly realize that wont work as they all literally butt heads, so instead they have to debate which pair kisses first and just alternate until they all get their kisses from each other, but it takes quite a while because if its genesis and angeal, sephiroth will get upset, he already feels like the odd one out in the relationship, but if its angeal and sephiroth, genesis will absolutely get jealous and throw a fit, so ultimately angeal takes one for the team and decides to let sephgen have the first kiss, and then they promptly decide to shower angeal with love and kisses afterwards, so he doesn’t feel upset about it

- tsengru: rufus goes in for the kiss immediately but tseng, being the rational one, puts his hand up to stop rufus and looks around to make sure no one else is looking, and once he’s sure the coast is clear he lets rufus kiss him, holding up his champagne(?) glass to block the view of their lips from anyone else (i dont know what people drink for new years or many kinds of glasses…)

- renorude(?): they’re absolutely all over each other, like full on making out, even before the countdown, without a care in the world, even as the excitement dies down and everyone else is done kissing, reno and rude are still going at it, leaving everyone else to just kind of awkwardly stare at the spectacle and just pray that they keep their clothes on

- aerti: they’re holding hands and leaning against each other, and as new years hits they both look at each other and giggle happily, just full of nothing but love as aerith leans in and kisses tifa, even as tifa seems a bit bashful about it

- tuestine(?): reeve is really reserved and nervous about it, but lets vincent lean in for the kiss first and then gently pulls down the collar(?) of vincent’s cape hiding the lower half of his face, making sure vincent’s okay with it first, and then they kiss, soft quick and sweet, though reeve is still a bit of a blushing mess that doesn’t know how to keep himself together afterwards

- valenwind: cid just grabs vincent by his stupid collar and pulls him down and gracelessly kisses him

[rottenpumpkin13]

Glad to see that Glenn and Seph got on decent terms

Me, sitting here with the knowledge that Glenn's death will be gut wrenching now that we know they were on good terms:

[princessjadyn15]

can you guess what all these characters have in common?

[blackfeathersflurry]

I saw this on 00€'s profile and they sent it to me. They felt need to bring light to a situation that in my self doubt of late it was best that I needed to have a light pick me up. However, I felt the need to share this myself. Regardless, I also would like to share this for whomever see's this blog. I share fireflies for MUW and those who look for peace in the night. They are also wonderful to watch. I reassure people who come across my page, regardless of whether or not they follow me. It shouldn't matter. I do not look to be idolized or worshipped. I look to reach out and try to keep a record of where I am going and how I am moving forward in the hopes that I can maybe provide someone to talk to while I do so. The past happened. I can't deny that it happened and it will take me a long time to heal from it.

I was unable to deny my position of the poor ethics of scientific experimentation. By my own father, no less. No one even reached out to tell him to stop. I was trained until the point of breaking. If I got it wrong, well...the results were unpleasant. The training varied. Intelligence....Combat...reflexes...speed....these things were not to be shy of the perfection that Shinra so demanded. To ensure that this perfection increased, my cells were infused with Jenova's each and every single time. I'm still trying to find rhyme or reason as to whether or not this was a punishment.

I was excited when I joined the military. It meant my days of isolation were over. However, it also meant that I would be watched and supervised at all times. I would be acting on Shinra and Hojo's orders. And I was too terrified to step out of line. Because if I stepped out of line, I would be put away again. The paper white walls and the glass would be all I saw from my day to day and the only privacy that I would receive would be in the night. In my blind spot where the camera could not watch me. I never thought about turning and cutting down my watchers without orders. I never thought about how being a child soldier was completely unethical. Not until the girl beyond the mirror nailed this into my head for the umpteenth time. And I was wounded. I would frequently get hurt. I would make friends and lose them in combat. I would even push myself to the limit and eventually find myself distancing myself from my platoon.

"We have orders." I would tell them. Frequently. "Don't get too rowdy. We have an early morning."

My compatriots will always remain fresh in my memory. The only other time I ever made friends was with three other SOLDIER's. All were first class. All of them died. All by mine or the third SOLDIER's hand. The third, Zack-was only beginning. He is the one I regret the most.

In time I may forgive myself for them. In time I may even forgive myself for the atrocities I've committed. I want a normal life.

So I have decided to create a better life.

In any case,

I hope everyone see's this and finds what they need within themselves. I know it's not always easy. It is actually rather difficult at times. It's even more difficult to forgive yourself.

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

[altocat]

i really really want Sephiroth and Lucrecia to meet

I hear your agony and I raise you the added, more brutal agony of Sephiroth being cursed to never, EVER meet her or learn the truth about her existence.

To have spent all of his human life sensing her, yearning for her, agonizing over her via a shared emotional link brought about through the Jenova cells. He will forever feel the sensation of them being separated. It will tug at him for the rest of his days and be will never, ever understand WHY.

He will continue, submerge himself in delusions of godhood, coddle himself with inhuman surrogates, nurse himself on hate and rage. But through it all, through the endless flicker flash of universe after universe extinguishing at the touch of his deadly grand design, he will feel that ache, that vague tremble in his chest. He will sense her again. He will long for her. He will burn and struggle and claw his world to ribbons.

But he will never, ever know.

[liberifatalis]

sephiroth's natal chart

disclaimer: EXTREMELY long post ahead containing mostly rambling and little explanations of basic astrology

i used to be really into astrology but it's been years and i'm very rusty so please just take this with a grain of salt. it's mostly ramblings anyway. as always, this is just my personal headcanons and it's not fact at all! this is just for fun. this is also western astrology, not vedic or chinese astrology (though i do mention chinese astrology once here).

i'm not really adding anything new, just expanding on his character which everyone pretty much agrees on in fanon, except from a very basic astrological perspective.

sephiroth's basic natal chart tldr sun: scorpio moon: capricorn rising: capricorn mercury: scorpio mars: scorpio venus: scorpio

so the two signs i am drawn to the most when it comes to sephiroth is scorpio and capricorn. the symbolism to me and the themes of scorpio and capricorn fit extremely well with sephiroth in my opinion. scorpio is represented by the scorpion, symbolic of death, rebirth, transformation, solitude, and power. capricorn is represented by the seagoat, which symbolises plunging to the depths or climbing to great heights, navigating the material and internal realms. when i think of capricorn or the seagoat, i think of unrelenting determination. the seagoat is also in many cultures and mythology, often associated with the tree of life, a rebirth wheel, so on so forth. quite fitting in my opinion. when i think of the scorpion, i think of a desire for power, the eerie calm before an expected storm (the scorpion will wait until it strikes, but it strikes only when threatened), death, rebirth, and change. apparently, in ancient cultures, the scorpion was believed to created a change in consciousness. very, very fitting for sephiroth, looking back at all the events that happened in his life.

i think both the themes of scorpio and capricorn are reflective of sephiroth's life and psyche, and i think they can be at times harmonious, and other times conflicting. scorpio and capricorn's symbolism can point to a life of growth and success, but also destruction if not handled with care.

(and a bit off topic, another symbol that comes to my mind whenever i think of sephiroth is the ouroboros symbol, which is an ancient symbol depicting a snake or dragon eating it's own tail. it symbolises death and rebirth and, you guessed it, the cycle of life. sephiroth is canonically born anywhere between 1977-1980, i always liked to believe he was 30 in the og game, meaning he was born in 77. recently there was a 'history of shinra' stream that suggested sephiroth is indeed 30 in the og game, making him born in 1977. and (diverging from western astrology) in chinese astrology, what animal symbolises the year of 1977? the snake).

so let's start with the sun.

his scorpio sun would be in the 8th house or 1st house. the sun represents the ego, the identity, who/what we strive to be, and the 1st house focuses on identity as well and these themes. the question many of those with the sun in 1st house would face is: who am i? what is my purpose? the sun in the 1st house can be considered a harmonious placement, "where it should be". analysing your identity and introspection can be tenfold with the sun in the 1st. and, as we know, facing the reality of that question is what came directly before sephiroth's descent into insanity. scorpio suns and scorpio placements are people of extremes. they are black and white. absolute. one or the other.

scorpio's symbolism is transformation, rebirth, regeneration and renewal, and death. not only does the scorpion represent scorpio but so does the phoenix (and also the snake). sephiroth undergoes plenty of transformations as we've seen, especially in his psyche, so it's fitting. and his 'rebirth', his transformation and death, happens due to his discovery of his identity.

now onto the moon.

anything cancer or scorpio moon can point to mommy issues. but cancer moon? nah. he's not that. scoprio moon? maybe....but i personally believe he's a capricorn moon.

(quick little explanation on astrological dignities: every planet has signs they favour and signs they don't favour. in astrology, certain planets rule each sign. for example, the sun rules leo. if you have a leo sun, that is a domicile placement. basically, leo is showing up exactly how you'd expect it to. it is dignified. but, the opposite of domicile is detriment. detriment is a sign where the planet really struggles to express itself. so, the opposite of leo is aquarius. if you are an aquarius sun, this means this placement is in detriment. it is not a bad or evil placement - but, with the context of themes of the sun, it can cause struggle and complications).

the moon represents our depths, the unconscious, the internal, our emotions. the moon is associated with the mother and the inner child, too. capricorn moon is in detriment. "thoughts that lie too deep for tears are ideally the thoughts which are brought to mind by tragedy." that is how i see capricorn moon for sephiroth.

the moon is not too happy being in capricorn. capricorn is seen as pragmatic, and capricorns are, but having a capricorn moon can create many internal hardships. the moon doesn't know how to embrace the internal depths in capricorn as it does in cancer. instead, it chooses to drown them, hiding them under the surface. sephiroth often keeps a calm and aloof demeanour - you wouldn't be able to tell he was going through any tribulations unless you knew him very well. and this can be a good thing at certain times, being able to maintan professionalism and rationality; but it is often overused by capricorn moons, to the point where it ends up as a hindrance. capricorn moons need a stable environment, they need stability, and they need to feel like they "fit". if they don't have that, it can cause great turmoils.

his capricorn moon would either be in his 8th house or 12th house. moon in the 8th house has a need for emotional security (capricorn would heighten that), and if the moon in the 8th house doesn't have that, it can be pushed to the limit or even beyond. moon in 8th house is internal reinvention. envy and possessiveness (which, at its core, is the fear of loss) is a struggle for those with the moon in the 8th house. those with their moon in the 8th house will often close themselves off, and their desires are 'all or nothing' - the 8th house's ruler is scorpio, so like i mentioned before, scorpio is the extreme, the black and white. any placement in the 8th house will shadow these themes.

moon in the 12th house might be more fitting for sephiroth, though. the moon in the 12th house is extra sensitive, and it can be destructive (and also beautiful). those with their moon in the 12th house often favour solitude, and yet it can cause a deep loneliness. moon in the 12th house can be extreme for those who don't know how to navigate it, and capricorn moon in the 12th would make it difficult. capricorn moon in the 12th house can often be flooded and overwhelmed with emotions and internal thoughts they don't even understand, so they'll just shut them out even more, causing more of a strain. due to this, capricorn moon in the 12th house will often withdraw, unable to express what they feel/what they want, and even all of that can be an enigma to them. it can create a feeling of being an outcast. the solitude and withdrawing can be healing, but once it is overused and is turned to more than being open and honest, it can be destructive and harmful.

the rising/ascendant.

the rising is like the first impression and the "outer". it is other's expectations of us and our own expectations of us, the mechanisms we use to cope and adapt, our appearance, our body.

i was contemplating between scorpio and capricorn rising but i felt capricorn rising suited him more.

capricorn risings appear to be calm and collected, they appear competent. they are known to be successful, and to everyone else it looks like it comes easy, but capricorn risings are very hardworking! i feel like many people would view sephiroth as shinra's golden child, as if he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and that since he's a first class SOLDIER, that everything easy to him. and eventually, yeah, things get easy - he's skilled at combat and it's easy for him. but they don't know the years and years of abuse he went through, the neglected childhood, and actually, the complete lack of a childhood that made him the SOLDIER he turned out to be. he is the 'hero', but it cost him everything.

capricorn risings also have a deadpan, dry humour which is exactly the type of humour we see sephiroth has in canon.

capricorn rising's actually have a strong desire and love for family. and this just makes it so depressing in sephiroth's case. capricorn in general have a need for structure and stability as i mentioned before, so capricorn risings need an environment around them that's nourishing and supportive. a lack of that will cause them to rely on themselves, or even rely on people that aren't good for them, as long as those people are there. it explains why sephiroth stuck with shinra as long as he did. they abused him, treated him as nothing but an object and weapon, and he hated it - but they were all he had. then he had genesis and angeal, but we all know that didn't last.

capricorn risings were often the 'responsible and capable kids'. they can often not speak up and will just do what their told/complete tasks, even if it's detrimental to themselves. they try their hardest to maintan a 'cool' exterior from childhood up until adulthood, and if they don't have genuine support, it can be very destructive and detrimental to their mental health. sephiroth has carried a lot from his childhood onto adulthood, and the rising sign can be indicative of this - the rising sign can represent the persona that was enforced via family/peer conditioning. sephiroth has carried a lot of what he was forced to believe from shinra and hojo right up to his adulthood, and while it is a source of internal conflict, it is something he can at least hold on to for stability, albeit momentarily.

capricorn risings are also big worriers. constantly worrying about if they're on the right path, doing the right thing, if they deserve things, etc etc.

mercury.

his mercury is absolutely in scorpio. oh my god. it's so fitting.

mercury is the messenger, it represents communication and expression. it is ideas, information, thought processes, curiosity. think of mercury as pulling things apart and putting them back together.

mercury in scorpio is like going down a rabbit hole. you're alice in wonderland, pretty much. mercury in scorpio is the absolute insatiable need to know absolutely everything, inside and out. it is the need for control, and control is power, and power comes from knowledge. mercury in scorpio is analysing every little thing - it is wanting to know exactly what something meant in a conversation, why they spoke the way they did, why their hand moved like that. it is wanting to know the depth and intricacies of the universe, the stars, your own body, mind and soul. mercury in scorpio wants to the know the truth, the depth of the truth, whether it's something with a very unimportant context or not. if someone with this placement doesn't know something, it makes them feel like they are in the dark.

can speak very bluntly and often harshly. doesn't mean to, though. if angry, you will be able to hear the rage in their voice. can be quite passionate, also, with words if the other astrological placements allow them to.

can be prone to paranoia or going to the deep end, but this is dependent on the other placements in the chart mostly. in sephiroth's case, you know...the nibelheim incident. when he's in the shinra manor for days without eating or drinking and just absorbing all the information he can get. yeah. that's scorpio mercury for you.

his mercury in scorpio is either in the 8th or 12th house, but personally, i'm leaning towards the 12th. mercury in the 12th would lean more to trust issues, struggling to communicate, being misunderstood, struggling to develop the ability to express yourself, extremely discreet if in an environment they don't trust.

on to mars.

ah, finally, the boy gets a placement that isn't in detriment. mars loves to be in scorpio, as it rules aries and scorpio, and that means it's in domicile! his mars is in scorpio. yay for sephiroth! this means that the energy of mars is expressed naturally, but that doesn't mean there can't be any struggles, and that doesn't mean that others won't find these expressions offputting.

mars is the god of war, so in astrology, it symbolises survival, passion, anger, animalistic instincts, action > reaction, aggression, drive and raw energy. it is also the planet of physical/sexual attraction, whereas venus is romantic attraction, but i won't go into anything sexual as 1) i have those headcanons on my blog already and 2) i want to focus more on the sfw and non-sexual aspects of sephiroth.

mars in scorpio loves a challenge, but they're less brash than their aries counterparts. mars in scorpio is often more of a quiet confidence or arrogance. they lack boastfulness, but they won't back down.

if secure, mars in scorpio could give sephiroth confidence and clear and concise drive and power. but if insecure, it can cause self loathing which will project onto others, resentment, and manipulation. when insecure and hurt, mars in scorpio will want to literally break anything and everything. the whole mindbreaking cloud thing? yeah, that's his insecure and destructive mars in scorpio.

and again, i can't choose whether mars would be in his 8th or 12th house, and i'm actually split between the two.

mars in the 8th would be really beneficial and also destructive, considering scorpio is the ruler of the 8th house, and sephiroth has his mars in scorpio. mars in the 8th house is hard-working and passionate. but, it can take a lot of time to connect to that intuition and drive, and it can also take a long time to overcome feelings of guilt and fear. mars in the 8th can have an impending sense of doom. it is a strong survival instinct, but a person needs more than a survival instinct to keep going; they need community and love. mars in the 8th can be a wildfire that may need to be burnt out. there is a tendency for people with mars in the 8th house to bury their problems and deal with things on their own. mars in the 8th is not stopping until you achieve your goal, and that can end well, or it can burn yourself and/or everyone else. mars in the 8th can be possessive, especially if they have lived a life of lacking.

people with mars in the 12th house can struggle to assert themselves and hone in to their natural energies that mars gives them, especially during childhood. mars in scorpio may feel a little constricted and more 'gloomy' in the 12th house. mars in the 12th can lack confidence and lack the ability to put yourself first - which mars in scorpio naturally craves. mars in the 12th is internally insecure, outwardly aloof and confident. it can often cause a lack of boundaries and cause a growing fear, which leads to distrust and assuming the worst of people. it can be a selfless placement, which is a bit funny for a scorpio mars, one which if insecure, will deny its own desires and needs and put others first to its own detriment. this will cause a growing resentment and hatred, like a boiling kettle, and will lead to self sabotage if it doesn't destroy anything else first.

so yeah. unsure if it's 8th or 12th house. i literally cannot choose.

and lastly, venus.

at first, i couldn't choose between scorpio or capricorn venus. i eventually landed on scorpio.

but sorry sephiroth, you have another placement in detriment. scorpio venus is a detrimental placement, and venus is very uncomfortable here.

venus is the goddess of love. in astrology, it rules sentiments, our values, pleasure and beauty.

venus in scorpio is intense, devoted and committed. i think of a never-ending cave when i think of scorpio venus, one where the bottom can never be reached. venus in scorpio desires a complete knowing, and the need for vulnerability; and yet that is what they fear and distrust the most. scorpio loves control almost to an obsession, and to love and be loved is a lacking of control. it is honesty. authenticity. vulnerability and trust. for scorpio venus to love, it can destroy them, and it will be all-consuming. and they know that very well, which is why they'd prefer to push others away and keep to themselves.

i think there's this stereotype that scorpio venus is like extremely sexy and promiscuous, which is fine, but i think it can be reflected in various ways. and for sephiroth, that would be the longing, the desire of intimacy and vulnerability (whether romantic or platonic), and the simultaneous repulsion of it. taking into consideration his other placements and his childhood, he would be very reserved and keeping to himself out of fear he'll be betrayed or harmed. and if he ever did end up vulnerable or trusting someone, the love is so consuming it could break him. scorpio venus is either rejuvenated by love or destroyed by it. so i think it's very fitting for him, considering everything we know.

definitely, absolutely, without a doubt venus in the 12th house for our tragic boy sephiroth. i think at this point it's a 12th house stellium? yikes. big yikes.

venus in the 12th creates someone who is untrusting - it would make someone believe that it is unsafe to show vulnerability, affection and love. constantly causes one to second guess and deeply ponder over things. venus in the 12th causes a person to take a long time to open up, which is increased even more by a scorpio venus. whether it's platonically or romantically, either way it's the same, it takes them a long time to trust someone and open up. even then, there's always a persistent, neurotic sense of 'but are they lying? are they trying to hurt me?'. venus in the 12th can often feel unworthy of a genuine friendship or relationship, and struggles to navigate through one. it needs trust and depth to thrive. but anything in the 12th house can be prone to becoming consuming and destructive, and that causes resistance and fear for anyone with a 12th house venus.

scorpio venus in the 12th house is like a push and pull. being pulled constantly by the temptations and warmth of love, happiness and pleasure, but forcefully pushing yourself away from it in an act of self preservation.

venus in the 12th is also a placement of solitude, and it thrives that way. anything you can do by yourself, is what the venus in the 12th loves. and for friendships or romance, it doesn't enjoy big friendship groups or a lack of privacy. everything needs to be confined, it needs a small group of friends, and one partner it can devote to.

[blackfeathersflurry]

Well everyone, someone has to train you to fight your demons. Why not give you a sword to help you with that?

Reblog to give your followers each their own sword.

[blackfeathersflurry]

you're beautiful.

~🌱 anon

That's very sweet of you, 🌱 anon.

I...um....I don't really uh.....thanks.

[shatteredsilverwing]

How about some House of Sephiroth Aesthetics? 👀👀👀

I have to admit, I truly have a weakness for Aesthetics ESPECIALLY when they're for Sephiroth -w- For those who don't know about the House of Sephiroth AU (HoS for short), please check out @crisiscutie for further information, fanfics, thoughts and more! You'll definitely fall in love with it, I promise you on that one! Let's get started then! Content Warnings: Xenomorph, blood, knifeplay, teratophilia and some various dark and/or disturbing pictures/art OG Sephiroth:

Dissidia Sephiroth:

7R Sephiroth:

C.C. Sephiroth:

AC Sephiroth:

It was really fun doing these and there were so many, I literally couldn't decide which ones to pick!

[noxtivagus]

NO THOUGHTS ONLY SHADOWBRINGERS HFALKDSJFASLKD

[blackfeathersflurry]

So...

There are some things that I feel need to be addressed, Hikari.

My situation was purely one that was built out of circumstance. While my abuse was by Rufus Sr., Jr , and Doctor Hojo, there was no way that I could possibly escape it. I was raised in a laboratory. Tested on and isolated from the rest of the world. I never really interacted with anyone beyond the scientists that were encountered purely for the sake of testing. Other children weren't encountered until I entered SOLDIER at maybe thirteen or fourteen years old. And by then, I had some abysmal social skills that needed some serious work.

I am sorry for having caused such disappointment for you. I am not the hero that many expected me to be. I was groomed to be Shinra's ultimate weapon and I was. I became a general because that path was paved for me. I never knew Lucrezia. As she was gone by the time I was old enough to walk. Abuse doesn't even cover the pain of the cell infusion, the drills or the frequent war practices with a holographic clone of myself that not only grew stronger, but smarter by way of artificial intelligence. And if my performance faltered, as did the reprieve from the experiments.

Let me be clear.

I. Did. Not. Want. This.

I had no choice.

I couldn't leave.

Not without dangerous repercussions. And once I did, I was so lost in myself in believing that I was, as I had previously described myself, a pseudo-messiah, that I was psychologically a danger to myself and others. With the amount of power I had, it even brought about the demise of many. I still have that power.

I was made a general and the face of Shinra because that was the path that was set for me. I had friends who were picked out for me, who saw themselves as my rivals. Fellow lab rats who volunteered themselves where I didn't.

So tell me, Hikari.

Do you fancy yourself a labrat in a maze with no way out?

I don't.

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #76

You know. After a day or so to process this version of events, I think I can finally put into words why so many people cry out for your blood, but not Rufus's or his father's, even though they've done things that are arguably far worse than anything you've ever done. Goodness, but isn't it the same age-old story of people villainizing abuse victims for striking back while excusing the abuser that broke the survivor to that point? And we see it all the time in my world; nobody does anything about bullying at school until the bullied person finally punches their bully in the face, and then the bully gets off scot-free while the victim gets suspended. I think of spouses who, backed into a corner and trying to defend themselves, strike back at the spouse who has been abusing them, and the spouse defending themselves gets charges pressed while the other one who had been abusing them gets pitied. I think about trafficked humans (many of them are snatched up as CHILDREN) who, in an effort to get free or to defend themselves, strike back at the person trafficking them and escape, only to then face a world who hates them for having been trafficked. And all of these things have one thing in common: the price for escaping from being "owned" is often another form of punishment or imprisonment.

Of course, I am not saying that people should call for Rufus's or his father's blood, either. Or even for Hojo's. They are not different from you - either they have congenital defects in the parts of their brain that are responsible for empathy (and pretending like this is a moral issue instead of a brain wiring issue is ableism), or they've lived lives that have beaten their psyches into a shape that makes them think that hurting other people and treating them like objects is the only way to survive. This is ALSO a brain wiring issue - though this kind of brain wiring issue is better classified as a psychological injury (due to attachment disruption or childhood trauma) than as an illness or congenital defect.

Yeah, you read all of that right. I said what I said and I meant it, and I know that people aren't gonna like it, but today I am tired and bitter from all the shit I'm seeing, and out of fucks to give as a result. I don't demonize Rufus or his father. I don't demonize Hojo, either. They have done horrific and inexcusable things and I feel very angry in response to that, but they need HELP. They, too, are capable of making a different choice and turning around. Imagine that. It's almost as though calling for mercy for you (or in other words, "being a Sephiroth fan" or a "Sephiroth apologist", as people like to call folks like me for the purpose of degrading us) has absolutely nothing to do with your looks or with trying to "fix" you so I can date you (I'm sorry, but the idea of "fixing" a person to get with them is absolutely fucking barftastic🤢🤮), or whatever other bullshit nonsense that people who have never been through severe and ongoing grooming or abuse without any kind of support (support can be from a teacher, friend, other family member, etc.) like to accuse us of. Hoodathunkit?

I think, too, that lots of people see that potentially destructive side of you in themselves, and I think they would rather see people who lapse in reining it in die than acknowledge that it's within them, too. Or perhaps living a life that is painful enough to break them into such a horrific shape is unfathomable to them. Either way, one fact remains: people don't want to own up to the fact that literally every single one of us has the capacity to do something similar to what you did, if their life circumstances break them in the way that leads to that kind of terrible, tragic, infuriating, and wholly inexcusable outcome. You're not some especially monstrous thing. You're not a lone goddamn wolf or a rare exception to some general rule or an isolated fucking edge case. And I know it because people in my world make choices similar to yours EVERY SINGLE DAY, even if their means of enacting those choices differ from yours.

The capacity to inflict horror upon other living things is part of the human condition. It is in ALL OF US, whether we want to fucking acknowledge it or not. And all it takes to bring it out is a long enough string of psychologically damaging events in the absence of appropriate support. Cases like yours are NOT random events caused by "inherently bad people"; there's no such fucking thing as "inherently bad people". There are conditions and events that lead to people doing horrific things, and these conditions and events can be found and prevented before they get to that point, if only everyone keeps their eyes open and pays attention! I spend as much time as I can trying to reach those that conventional wisdom says are "unreachable" PRECISELY in service to trying to keep my eyes open and pay attention!

Because horrific events and bad choices are like bacteria - they DO NOT spontaneously generate ("spontaneous generation theory" used to be a thing that people believed about microorganisms a long time ago)! Conditions LEAD TO THEIR GROWTH. And the solution to a person afflicted with bacteria is NOT to kill or demonize them (though this is how they used to be treated; check out most of human history!)! You're supposed to give them antibiotics to REMOVE THE CONDITIONS THAT ALLOW FOR BACTERIAL GROWTH. And the same rules apply to people who make violent choices - you remove the conditions that produce the choices, NOT the person who made them. But goddammit, I am only one person, and… fuck, there are just SO. MANY. STARFISH… stranded on the beach sand…

Also, you know… even as far back as the original game, anyone with half a brain understood that you must have been crying, weeping, sobbing openly during your time at the library. In this version of events, we saw you do that for just a moment before it was choked back and replaced with… something else (I know what this is like; I still have the capacity to cease crying immediately via dissociation; this skill was literally beaten into me, and I imagine it's the same for you). And in my world, it's popular to believe that men should never cry or be vulnerable in any way, shape, or form (this bit of socio-cultural bullshit is actually generational trauma, and it's literally fucking killing people, in the form of internalized or externalized violence), so lots of people here are going to have less empathy for you at least in part because you defied the "cultural norms" of what it means to be a man and a leader (again, this is generational trauma mistaken for culture, and it needs to fucking stop because people are dying over it). And it's so… it's so…

Ugh… Sephiroth, all of the things I know, all the suffering in the world, all the causes of it… it's all swirling around in my head today, and it's heavy. It's so fucking heavy. Watching all the people, every single one of them beautiful and good, doing what they do to themselves and each another, hurting themselves and each other, psychologically or physically maiming themselves and each other, even torturing and killing themselves or each other, all because somehow doing these things feels easier than trying to repair and restore everything… they don't know what they're doing. And there's not… there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I look at the state of things on a large scale. Our dying planet. The endless wars. The marginalized groups of people. The violence and the hate crimes. The genocides. I want to cry and to scream and to throw up all at once.

…But I suppose much of that is neither here nor there. Suppose anyone with "conventional wisdom" would tell me I'm "reading too goddamn much" into a "silly video game", but… given that the media in our world LITERALLY PERPETUATES STEREOTYPES THAT KILL PEOPLE, I gotta say I'm more than a little fucking bitter about that today.

In any case… you - an abused, exploited, and bullied person most of your life - escaped being owned by Shinra (in the clumsiest and most ridiculous and horrible fucking way possible, but still), only to find yet another goddamn chain around your neck. If it's not Jenova controlling you, then it's your trauma and conditioning pulling the strings. Either way you're acting like a goddamn puppet. There, I said it. And as much as I love you, if you don't like that I said it, then too fucking bad; maybe try actually DOING something about it.

Sephiroth. As much as I love you, I am always going to be more than a little pissed about the fact that you squandered your voice so recklessly back then. I'm always going to be more than a little pissed about the fact that you fucking! abused! yourself! for a week! until you broke! WHAT THE FUCK.

If you had simply! Told people! What you had been put through! If you had told them what Shinra was doing! If you had simply opened your freaking mouth to talk about your experiences to a bunch of people who practically worshipped you, you would have eventually had millions of people rallied with you to put an end to Shinra! Sephiroth, for fuck's sake, YOU WERE A GODDAMN GENERAL!! You know how to lead people! And you know how to protect them! Get a goddamn grip!

And I know that the mayor guy acted all entitled to your time while you were exhausted and still grieving for your friends, and it was shitty of him to pass judgment on you when he had no idea what you were going through. But ultimately, it is up to YOU to communicate your needs and feelings, not up to the people around you to anticipate what they are! And I know that the guy took your picture without your permission, and I know they didn't heed when you said "not today". But there is a difference between "having no respect for your word" and "being so excited and happy about your presence that they are unable to contain themselves". It is still up to YOU to maintain your boundaries even if other people don't like it!

Sephiroth! I know that you were struggling! And I know that you spent your whole life being bullied and abused to the point that you felt as though your voice had no power. I know that. I understand that. I am still dragging myself up out of that hole. I know that you were trying to punish evil, and that you saw these people as being complicit in the system that hurt you, your friends, your mother Lucrecia, and your planet. I get that you were trying to punch your bullies back in their faces, but you punched the WRONG PEOPLE. And even then: why punch people when you can instead wield your voice!

Sephiroth, despite the harshness of your upbringing and all the other things that make you stand out, you still have privilege! You have status! You have fame! You have power! You have a remarkably able male body! YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT PEOPLE LISTEN TO! You have a face that people are willing to see! You have a voice that people are willing to hear! And there is a difference between holding people accountable for being complicit in a system that benefits them, and punishing people for existing in a system (even if that system benefits them) that they did not consent to being born into!

You can't even begin to imagine what I would be willing to give up in order to have a voice like yours, so that I could call for compassion and mercy in ways that would get people to open their eyes and take action in service to putting a stop to all the suffering that exists in this place that I live in.

But no. Instead of being brave and coming out of your shell to use your voice and social power in response to injustice and exploitation, you simply defaulted to your instinctual behaviors. You did the thing you've been trained to do. Like Pavlov's dog, the bell was rung and you drooled everyfuckingwhere. You used your power to cut everything down, instead of using your voice to rally people together for a cause that they ABSOLUTELY would have followed because YOUR face and YOUR voice would have been the one leading it.

Sephiroth. This fucking sucks. What you did to yourself in that library - starving, dehydrating, and sleep depriving yourself and pushing yourself past your limits while you were already strained - fucking sucks. And what you did in the throes of your agony also sucks. Punishing the people around you because your brain was addled and you didn't fucking fact-check what you were reading fucking sucks! And I do understand very well why you did all this; I was abused similarly to you, albeit in a far less extreme way, and thus a long time ago I used to think similarly to the way you did after your fall (I don't think that way anymore because I had help, thank freaking goodness). But IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS. And it was STILL unacceptable. You can't change what you did. But you can make a different choice, moving forward!

Conventional wisdom says that there is no coming back from having fallen, but I am living proof that in this case, "conventional wisdom" is GARBAGE. I would not be sitting here, imploring you to turn your eyes towards a kinder, more compassionate worldview - one that exists in stark defiance of everything I used to believe because of what I was taught as a child - if "conventional wisdom" were true. In addition, I have met other people in the course of my derping around on this broken fucken planet who also serve as proof that anyone, no matter what has happened to them or what they've done in the past, can rise up into making a different choice. And these cases, too, are not "edge" cases. They are not exceptions to a rule. The capacity to heal and grow and change - just like the capacity to hurt and regress and stagnate - is part of the human condition. And this means that anyone can turn around! No! Matter! How! Far! They've! Walked! In! The! Wrong! Direction!!

Goddammit, Sephiroth! Turn yourself around!! Because although I understand what you're trying to do, what you're doing is NOT the way to get it done! What you're doing is BULLSHIT! Maybe you think you're demonstrating your "phenomenal power" or whatever by breaking everything around you, but what you're REALLY doing is yielding to your conditioning like it's got a chain around your neck and a cattle prod in its hand! It's weaksauce! You ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BREAK THINGS. You've spent your whole life being forced to do that even when you didn't want to!

So you gonna, you gonna what? Sit here and claim that you're "the chosen one" or some fucking horseshit, as though you've taken your power back? When really you just took the easy route of doing the same old shit you've always done - bending over and making yourself a slave to someone else's fucked-up agenda, and becoming the very thing you reviled against SO HARD that you burned down an entire fucking village in disgust, despair, and rage? I ain't buyin' it, and neither should you! All you've done is exchanged one codependent relationship for another! And it's getting fucking old! You can do better than blind, subservient obedience to some random fucking space parasite that don't give even two shits about you as much as it cares about your capacity to allow it to resume its life cycle! You've gotta know that even if you really did manage to break everything (you won't, because I fucking promise you that you'll be stopped), as soon as you've served its purpose, it's gonna toss ya like yesterday's trash, if not outright consume you like a female mantis after it's done using its mate like a fucktoy!

The developers said that we've only seen 1% of your power or some shit, but you fucking know what? You could wipe the whole goddamn universe clean. You could extinguish every last star. And STILL some random fucking autistic chick from some random fucking planet in a random fucking solar system in a random fucking galaxy has your ass beat in ALL the ways that count! And that's NOT ACCEPTABLE. I am nothing! I am NO ONE. Sephiroth!! COME ON ALREADY!!

You want strength? Do the work to defy your conditioning. Do the work to love the broken things. Do the work to become someone who does no harm yet takes no shit. Do the work to become someone who can remain soft even in this sharp and unforgiving world. Do the work to get out of your own damn way. Do the work to become someone who can treat yourself like you actually fucking matter. Do the work to get up off your knees and live. DO! THE! WORK! Don't just do the same thing you've always done and claim you've won! Don't act like a pigeon playing chess - shitting all over the board and then struttin' and swaggerin' around like you're some kind of grandmaster! That's NOT how this shit works! You haven't broken free of the pattern! All you've done is changed the hand holding your leash!

You have to stop blindly giving away your power to anyone who claims to love you! You have to stop using your power in service to the conditioning that tried to snatch away who you really are on the inside! They tried to steal away your gentleness! They tried to steal away your emotions! They tried to steal away your ability to cry, your ability to be vulnerable, your ability to be compassionate and loving! Are you just gonna sit here and let them? Are you going to keep pretending like you're cruel and hard-hearted just because a bunch of people who cared nothing for you told you that's how a proper warrior is supposed to be? Are you going to keep on like this, doing the same thing you've always done, just because taking the time to grieve and to make choices that are actually in alignment with your nature are things that feel too difficult for you to do?

…Fucking hell, but some days, clamoring for you to get your shit together feels A LOT like Atreyu trying to pull Artax up out of the swamp:

Come on!!! Turn around!!! You have to, NOW! You have to try!! You have to care!! You can't let the darkness overtake you! You gotta move or you'll die!! Please!! There's still life on the other side of mistakes. There's still life on the other side of despair. There's still life on the other side of rage, of loss, of shattering. It doesn't have to be permanent!

…I won't give up. Even if you leave those of us who care for you sitting and weeping in the middle of the swamp, staring forlornly, or in shock and in disbelief at the place where you sank, I'm not going to quit. I will keep calling out your name in hopes that you'll follow the sound back to the light. Because you're worth the effort. You're worth the pain. You're worth the grief.

I'll leave you with these:

Take the hands outstretched to you and get your ass out of the goddamn swamp. Having a swamp ass is not a good time for ANYONE involved. So please. I…

…I'll write to you tomorrow. Because I love you. In the same way that any person loves their friends. Do everything in your power to keep yourself and your planet and your friends safe. I'm begging you. Please.

Your friend, Lumine

[projecthypocrisy]

Helena: give me the fuck me up fam special

Sephiroth: No one loves you.

Helena: :'(

Sephiroth: Did I do it right?

[gibbycat]

don't listen to one winged angel while angry. i got to the metal solo and sephiroth himself whispered in my ear to recreate the nibelheim incident in my kitchen

[mclov3ly]

sephiroth....

[blackfeathersflurry]

My Dearest Lumine,

In a way I feel like I must express that I reside that, like a cat, I walk the line between the veil. In some ways, I don't exist, in others I do. I exist to you and MUW and to several others. And I have eighteen cats who ensure my existence. I woke up late to a frail, little tortoise shell harlequin on my chest this morning. Though I feel that you go through much of a difficult time processing my lack of presence and that is understandable. I wouldn't necessarily refer to this as seeking connection, as my therapist would refer to it. However, it seems more that you may be reaching for something in hopes that it will reach back and pull you into its arms....

I want to go back.

Materia does not work the way it should here.

Not outside of the house.

Outside of the house I am just a fictional pretty boy who attracts a lot of women into bass players or metal drummers. Or you know, twinks with a leather kink. I wish you could join us at the pool to see the hilarity of all of this. To see their flustered faces. I'm sure if you presented yourself as Phyrne in 371 through 316 BCE, I'm certain you'll turn a few heads. To abide by societal pressure is to throw ones self away, to some degree. As I have seen, it is no different from Midgar. No different from any other town with a Shinra plant.

My point is, if it is unacceptable in one area, it is going to be acceptable somewhere else. Though, I am under the assumption that eels and snapping turtles are rather formidable to deal with where you are. (Hrm...) When MUW told me about Virginia, she mentioned snapping turtles going further north and being an invasive species to the Northern areas. As cruel as it is, they had a tendency to cause issue with the local wildlife population. They made a pretty good meat though, apparently. As I'm sure you know, the snapping turtle is more indigenous to the southern regions of North and Central America....Im getting carried away.

I should probably explain.

The house acts as an in-between point. So to say, I am a physio-psychic manifestation and then I am not. At least I think. So far as I know I came about after disintegrating from my last defeat. I recall storms. I remember Cloud. I remember crumbling buildings and smiling down with so much hatred that I would be a meager memory. And as I tried returning to my cell, that in turn was not allowed. I was thrown into a battle Royale, defeated again and then...here. As though it were some over glorified pseudo casket. My body is still in the Northern Mountain. I am some sort of flesh and bone made out of stardust and still very confused. MUW still questions the evidence of my manifestation. But I am very much here. I am breathing.

I can eat ice cream the same as you (it's black liquorice, by the way), I can even drink tea and wine. As it goes,I wish dearly to sit with you. My friend, getting to know you has been the most endearing. And continuing to do so is a delight.

Now, I am curious about what Br was digging a hole for and if they are doing well. I hope they and J will be ok. Will you be spending a day with them soon?

I realize I don't ask much about your partners, and would like to make more of a habit of asking about your personal life.

Yours,

-Sephiroth

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #182

It's very hot today - picture-perfect weather for swimming in a lake somewhere. Today especially, my heart aches for the fact that this is not yet something I can return to doing.

Oh well.

Br had a couple of very serious matters that she needed to tend to today; J went with her to help. I couldn't be there, because I had overlapping appointments - one was therapy, which is every Tuesday. And the other was the dentist - just a routine cleaning. They were, in fact, pleased to hear that I have scheduled the removal of 4 teeth for the purpose of getting braces. But otherwise, everything inside my face looks good; there's nothing to worry about. I took a picture of their outdoor space; it seemed especially picturesque today:

…I wonder if you'd sit with me in a peaceful spot like this.

M and I tend to schedule our dentist appointments together because we go to the same place. It's just easier that way. Then afterwards, because he really, really hates the dentist, we usually go out for lunch. We went to a hotdog and hamburger place; it was pretty good! Here's a picture of what we got:

…And here's a picture of the place we were.

…I wonder if you'd sit with me in a peaceful spot like this while having a snack. Hm.

I am home now, and have been for a while. I guess I feel pretty empty, at least for the moment, but I'm not really sure why. Maybe my brain is just grieving over the fact that I still can't go swimming. I'm not even 100% certain that my ribcage could withstand the compression inherent to a swimsuit right now. Loose clothing presents the problem of clinging weirdly to the body and getting caught on things and whatnot, and public nudity is generally frowned upon in my world, admittedly for reasons I don't fully understand; the human body is just a thing, like clouds, stars, rain, and oceans. It's not inherently sexual, and even if it was, human sexuality in the absence of violence, coercion, and objectification is not the filthy, horrible, depraved thing that so many people in my world seem to think it is; it's just a thing, like rocks, trees, grass, and the sun. Some people do it and some people don't, and in theory both of these things should be fine as long as everyone involved in the doing is consenting, enthusiastic, and overjoyed about it, and everyone who chooses not to be involved in the doing doesn't get harassed about it. Or maybe I've just done too much figure drawing; all humans look like humans to me, just like all rivers look like rivers, all skies look like skies, all mountains look like mountains, and all snowstorms look like snowstorms. They're all amazing and miraculous, regardless of what they look like.

But I'm an outlier. Almost everyone else in my world assigns weird moral judgments and self-worth assessments to human bodies - what they look like, the way they're shaped, and whether or not they have access to physical intimacy with someone else's; lots of people think that these things mean something about their own worth, or the worth of other people. It's very bizarre. So I can't just go swimming in the buff. I can't even go swimming without a top, because female chests in my world are sexualized in a way that men's chests aren't, and this, too, is very bizarre. So these are not options unless I wanna go at night when there's no one around, but then that counts as trespassing, and also night is when the eels come out, and… yeah. Don't really wanna deal with those. And it's not wise to be in the water when you can't see, anyhow; we've got snapping turtles in my world, and they'll take off your fingers and toes as easily as hedge clippers if you're not very careful. 😬😬😬

The situation all around is just very annoying and full of arbitrary obstacles. So I'm home drinking tea; today it's chai sweetened with pumpkin ice cream. Here are some pictures:

I thought that I would play some Dead Cells, but in the end, I ended up taking a brief nap and talking to a friend while watching M play Elden Ring; there will be additional content for it coming out soon, and he is brushing up his skills so he can play it.

Once J and Br were done tending Br's things, it was proposed that we go out for ice cream at a place that is reliably gluten-free. So we did that. I took a couple pictures for you there, and along the way, too:

I got the Queen of Hearts and the Kahlua Almond Amaretto flavors. I think they should have just called it Almond Amaretto, because the Kahlua flavor didn't come out at all. In my world, Kahlua is a coffee-flavored alcohol that's really nice and sweet when paired with milk, but I can only have a little bit, because alcohol makes me very sick if I get too much of it. In ice cream, it's typically used in negligibly small amounts because flavor-wise, a little goes a long way; you could eat a whole pint and there won't be any effect.

...If you like ice cream, I wonder what kinds you like best. You know, I think if they made a rose-flavored ice cream or a sakura-flavored ice cream, it'd suit you nicely, maybe...

Then we dropped Br at home. We lingered for a while, and then J and I returned home. J and Br worked really hard digging a hole today; tomorrow, we will go to the grocery, and I will get beef because it's high in protein and iron, and they're definitely gonna need it…

Related: Sephiroth… if you see a beagle named Hannah on your travels… will you sit with her for a while and tell her what a good girl she is and that Br will miss her very much? Hannah is a very new arrival to the non-physical world, so… I'll count on you to show her the ropes, so to speak, if you can.

I think I will end today's letter here. I don't have much else to say.

I love you very much. Please stay safe on your travels; I don't really know what kind of place the Edge of Creation is, but it doesn't... look very… hospitable. I worry about you. Please treat yourself nicely, and please make kind, gentle, and loving decisions. Whatever it is you're doing over there, I'm counting on you to return to us safely, so… please… Please...

…I'll write again soon…

Your friend, Lumine