#dealing with a little devil and a little serpent who can’t say no to him certainly is troublesome

[pwurrz]

eiden: “yakumo, i need you to ask quincy for a favour for me! he’s become immune to my puppy dog eyes but no one can resist your cuteness!!��

[spicycreativity]

Good Omens but Make It Moceit (unfinished)

I said I would do it and I tried very, very hard but it's not looking like I'm going to be able to finish because ✨mental health reasons✨

Here's what I have so far (about 8k words)

EDEN

It is a little-known theological fact that the invention of the hypothetical coincided nearly perfectly with the invention of the thunderstorm, the latter being a rather effable invention of God, all things considered, and the former springing forth from the troubled mind of Phaedaël, the angel of the Eastern gate. The first drops of rain pattered to the ground and he curved one wing upward to protect his head. Addressing his companion, he said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I should be talking to you."

"Oh, and what a shame," cooed the serpent, who hadn't yet chosen a name, "and here I was so hoping you'd wring the details out of me."

"Oh," said the angel, considering this. He shifted uncomfortably, and made a face like he'd just been forced to swallow something bitter. "Well… What did you say to her?"

"Don't patronize me," said the serpent. He paused. "I don't suppose you could enlighten me, angel, on what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil?"

"They broke the rules," said the angel firmly.

"I don't suppose it matters that the rule was arbitrary?" The angel drew in a breath to reply, but the serpent cut him off, looking him up and down suddenly as though seeing him for the first time. A sly smile tugged at his lips. "Lose something?"

"No!" said the angel, far too quickly.

"Oh, come on. Lying doesn't become an angel."

"It's not a lie!" the angel insisted.

"Well, then. Please do tell me what happened to that flaming sword of yours."

The rain began to fall in earnest. A thunderclap sounded overhead. The angel said, "What if you had an opportunity to help someone--"

"What if?" repeated the serpent incredulously.

"What if," persisted the angel, "someone could benefit from something you were supposed to have, but weren't really using?"

The serpent began to laugh. "Don't tell me you gave it--" he gestured into the distance-- "to them?" A few more hysterical cackles escaped his chest, but he swallowed the rest down at the anguished look on the angel's face. "Oh, relax. If you did it, it can't have been bad, can it? Angels don't do bad."

"And demons don't do good?" the angel looked at the serpent with uncertainty.

"Oh, yes," purred the serpent, "we're wicked to the core."

The angel went silent, considering this.

The thunder roared, the rain came down harder, the serpent remained, and the angel very gently lifted his other wing to keep his companion dry.

Who, after all, prayed for the Devil?

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

God (God)

Logan (Patton's overseer)

Satan (A Fallen Angel; The Fallen Angel, one might say)

Remus (Janus' overseer)

Janus (An angel who did not so much fall as back away muttering "I'm really going to do it this time; no one try to stop me")

Roman (a lover)

Virgil (an Antichrist)

Dog (hellhound, hellraiser, and sleeping partner)

21 YEARS AGO

In the Valendale Regional Military Cemetery lurked a demon.

Well, he lurked as best as he was able, given that the ambiance was all off for lurking. He had fudged the timing a little, being unaccustomed to the nature of the passage of time on Earth, and had accidentally arrived just in time to witness a beautiful sunrise over Florida's eastern coast. Half the sky was a magnificent golden ocean with waves of orange and pink. The military cemetery had also been a mistake, though this one bothered him less. While he had been hoping for something a little more ancient and decrepit, he soon began to console himself by playing hopscotch on the clean, flat grave markers, delighting in the muddy bootprints he left behind him.

Besides, he liked the way 'military cemetery' rolled off the tongue.

When he inevitably got bored of desecrating graves, he threw himself down in the grass and began to look for worms and bugs with which he might decorate his uniform.

This was Remus, a Duke of Hell.

He found a worm and began to speak to it, watching it writhe around in his palm. "I'm so bored."

He spent a good few seconds coming up with a voice to use to represent the worm, then asked himself in a high-pitched squeak, "Why's that, your

Grace?"

Remus cupped the worm in his hands and rolled over, nearly kicking the basket he'd brought with him. This bothered him less than it rightfully should have, considering what was inside. He only gave a blithe "Oops!" and returned his attention to the worm. "That little subordinate of mine is making me wait!"

The worm said, "You should punish him!"

"Good idea!" Remus exclaimed, stroking the worm with his fingertip. "What do you think, should I spank him? Make him kiss my boots? Or--" He cut himself off, having just caught sight of flashing red and blue lights in the near distance. Sirens had been echoing on and off throughout the night, but they were very near now. "There's my bitch!" he said with undisguised affection. He put the worm in his pocket and stood up.

The Interstate Highway System was ostensibly developed under the command of United States President Dwight D Eisenhower in order to facilitate the movement of personal use vehicles, public transportation vehicles, and self-propelled field artillery across the country. This project, as anyone who has ever attempted to traverse the Interstate Highway System can tell you, was a catastrophic failure. The criss-crossing network of freeways, highways, turnpikes, and byways is frequently backed up with bumper-to-bumper traffic.

What most hapless travelers of the Interstate Highway System do not know is that the cloverleaf interchange, one of the most commonly-used interchanges in city planning, is also the exact same shape as the sigil det in the written language of the Church of the Black Clock. Written correctly, it means "black fire upon my enemies, devour their souls!" (Note: Written incorrectly, it reads "kneel, gay men.") Every day, commuters slow traffic via their own ill-wishes on fellow drivers, granted life by the sigil. (It is a known fact that every driver on the freeway considers every other driver on the freeway an enemy).

It was one of Janus' most diabolical achievements. He was quite proud of himself, not only in the end result but in his methods. While a lesser demon might have had to go to the trouble of hands-on work: hacking computers, making bribes, and, Satan-forbid, possibly even sneaking out at night to move marker pegs by hand, all Janus had had to do was talk. He was quite good at getting people to do his bidding once he got his foot in the door.

Something Janus had inexplicably failed to account for was the fact that he, too, would occasionally need to use the freeway system. Such was the curse of Janus' great evil deeds: more often than not, they slalomed between his legs like a wily terrier and bit him squarely on the ass.

The irony snuck up on him sometimes.

Janus had dark hair and high cheekbones. His eyes and tongue were really only unusual if you looked at them twice, and he had a tendency to hiss when he forgot himself. He looked far too young, far too handsome, and far too svelte for the 1957 Cadillac Deville he was driving, bearing no resemblance at all to the sort of wealthy, elderly man who deals in classic cars.

He checked his watch, which also seemed too old for him, and glanced at the rearview mirror. Normally he enjoyed the minor thrill of having cops on his tail, but his exit was coming up and he did have someplace to be.

What he did next lacked imagination, but it got the job done: With one complicated hand gesture, he turned both officers into pigs and gently glided their cars to the shoulder. Then he turned on his blinker and took his exit.

Remus watched the police lights disappear  with impassivity, bouncing on his toes. When Janus finally emerged through the wrought iron gates, having bent reality to get past them, he raised his arms and shouted, "Hail Satan!"

Janus acknowledged this with two lifted fingers. "So sorry I'm late," he said, bringing his hand smoothly upward to tip his hat, "it's just that I don't value your time in comparison to mine." The sarcastic inflection was so light the words could very well be sincere. But of course Janus always meant every word of what he'd said. (Now that's

sarcastic inflection)!

Remus gave a feral grin. Janus was his favorite subordinate. "Wanna see my worm?"

Millennia of acquaintanceship had freed Janus from the notion that he needed to be polite to Remus. The demon was as twisted as they came and nearly immune to flattery. "As much as I'd love to, shouldn't we get this over with?"

"Yeah, yeah." Remus looked around. "Hm, now where did I put the basket?"

The basket was currently sitting atop the headstone for a General T. Pratchett. Janus spied it first and indicated it to Remus with a flicker of his yellow irises, careful not to let a trace of his hesitancy show on his face. He didn't even let himself hesitate when Remus, who had hopscotched over to the basket and then back over to Janus, thrust it out to him.

"So this is really it," Janus murmured, wrapping both gloved hands around the handle of the basket. Then he began to work. "What a high honor."

"So they say," Remus said.

"Remus, be honest with me." Brief pause, just enough for Remus to wonder at the weight in Janus' voice. "Did you pull some strings to ensure I was the one who got this task? Do I owe you a favor?"

"Are you about to thank me?" Remus asked, tilting his head. Addressing the worm in his breast pocket, he said, "Listen up, this should be good."

"So you did?"

"Of course not."

Here it was. After a few seconds of rallying, his ace: "So why me?"

"You've been in the field the longest." Remus' grin widened to an impossible degree and he grabbed Janus by the lapels of his immaculate suit jacket, coming nose to nose. "Some of us think you're getting soft."

Janus smiled back, the unblinking predator's grin of a snake about to strike, and hefted the basket. "We'll see about that." And he extricated his lapels from Remus' grasp and turned to leave.

"You didn't say hi to my worm!" Remus called after him. Janus did not reply. Remus fished the worm out of his pocket. "How rude."

"The nerve of some demons," agreed the worm.

The Cadillac's speedometer hit 110. Janus fumbled for the volume knob with a shaking hand. The radio was permanently set to 98.5 The Jukebox, which only ever seemed to play Queen.

"Shit," Janus muttered as majestic panned harmonies began to emanate from his speakers. "Shit-shit-shit. Why now? Why me?"

BECAUSE, came the harmonic vocals, YOU'VE EARNED IT.

Janus bit down on his tongue to keep from swearing. Communication via electronics had been another one of his ideas, hoping he'd be issued a BlackBerry or a Nokia. But no. Instead, upper management just cut into whatever he was listening to at the time and twisted it. "Thank you very much, my lord," he said, working very very hard to instill his voice with the proper amount of unctuous ooze.

THIS IS IMPORTANT, JANUS.

"Yes, my lord."

THIS IS THE BIG ONE.

"Yes, my lord."

AND YOU UNDERSTAND, JANUS, THAT IF THIS GOES WRONG, EVERYONE INVOLVED WILL BE PUNISHED. EVEN YOU. ESPECIALLY YOU.

"I understand."

GOOD. YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.

And suddenly, he just knew. A new Queen song began to play on 98.5 The Jukebox, and Janus hissed and slammed the heel of his hand against the steering wheel. "What was the point of all that, then?" he demanded of Freddie Mercury.

Freddie Mercury replied, "Don't stop me now! 'Cause I'm havin' a good time!"

Janus rolled his eyes and changed lanes without signaling. He had been instructed to head straight to a hospital on the edge of town. It was technically in an unincorporated community called Misty, but for all intents and purposes, Misty was Valendale. If he kept up this pace (the needle of the speedometer now closer to 130), he could be there in five minutes. Joy.

It had all been going so well, too. He'd really hit his stride in the 21st century, and now here was Hell pulling the rug out from under his shiny Armani brogues. Armageddon. What a nightmare.

In the Publix baking aisle, two angels stood side by side. One of them was Phaedaël, who had lately adopted the name 'Patton,' feeling it suited his corporation.

The other had been christened 'Loirea' once upon a time. As Heaven began to

modernize, Loirea had been the first among the angels to adapt to the changes being made. He had even taken on the name 'Logan' as a show of good faith. 

Both of the angels were human-shaped, having discovered early on that it's much easier to get things done when you have limbs as opposed to flaming wheels of eyes and animal heads poking out at odd angles.

Both wore glasses. Patton's glasses were round, wire-rimmed things, of the sort usually found on kindly old librarians and stern but fair headmasters of all-boy's boarding schools. Logan's glasses were made of shiny black plastic and looked like they could draw blood if strategically applied to a sufficiently tender area.

Patton was, at the moment, holding a bag a semolina flour under one arm and awkwardly attempting to explain himself. "It's called 'cooking.' It's actually really clever, you take ingredients and combine them--"

"Why?" Logan interrupted 

"Oh, uh, well," Patton hesitated, shamefaced, "it makes food."

"Eating," Logan said in such a forceful tone of dismissal that three boxes of brownie mix turned to ash behind him. "I don't understand why you waste your time."

"It helps me blend in," Patton said with a sheepish smile. Everything from his shoes to his shirt was a shade of white or blue; he'd never been comfortable dealing in gray areas.

"I see." Logan adjusted his tie. "Well, I'll let you get back to it in a moment. I just came to pass on a message: Our intel has given us reason to believe that Armageddon is underway."

"Oh," said Patton vaguely, staring at a bag of something labeled 'pasta flour.' "Oh!"

"We'd like for you to keep an eye on Janus. He's a demon; he's on a similar mission to yours."

"I, uh," Patton swallowed hard, staring right through the pasta flour, "I've heard of him."

"Good." Logan put his hand on Patton's shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "Patton."

"Y-yes?"

"When I say 'keep an eye on' I mean I want you to watch him. It's a figure of speech."

Patton nodded, forcing his mouth to curve into a pale imitation of a smile. Logan nodded back and vanished.

"Well," Patton said to the pasta flour, "fiddlesticks."

Brother Emile Analogical had been raised a Satanist. There is no such thing as an orthodox Satanist, but if there was, that would be the kind of Satanism that Brother Emile's parents had practiced. He had graduated with unspectacular grades, joined the Paralleling Order of Saint Botild, and promptly moved from Nebraska to Florida: more specifically, to the unincorporated community of Misty in the greater Valendale area. The climate had taken some getting used to, not to mention the long, black robes he had to wear, but he had survived the transition and found himself a good fit for the Paralleling Order.

Note: Saint Botild Comminalitus of Malmö was reputed to have been martyred in the middle of the fifth century, for reasons unclear. It is said that the Lord granted him the power to draw parallels and connections between topics; his last words are reported to have been "This reminds me of that one story about Loptr, when he--" Then his assailants lit the pyre.

At the moment, Brother Emile was thinking about the tall, dark figure stalking down the hallways at him holding a basket, likening him to a Scooby-Doo villain, the way the shadows seemed to stick to him.

"Jinkies!" said Brother Emile once the figure was in earshot.

Janus raised an eyebrow at him over the tops of his sunglasses. "Hello."

Unphased by the cold greeting, Brother Emile pointed to the basket. "Is that the fairly odd baby?" he asked in a high-pitched coo that indicated he already suspected the answer.

"No," said Janus, rolling his eyes. "It's a basket of kittens I saved from drowning. Aren't you wondering why I'm all wet?"

"You're," Brother Emile started, and Janus braced himself, fearing the last frayed thread of his patience might snap if the sentence ended with the word 'dry,' "a Mister Grumpy Gills, aren't you?'

Janus thrust the basket at Brother Emile and did not dignify him with any answer more notable than a slight thinning of

his lips.

Brother Emile drew back the blankets and began to babble at the sleeping Antichrist. Janus took the opportunity to flee.

"Look at you," Brother Emile said happily. "Sleeping in a pic-a-nic basket, huh, Boo-boo?"

After a few more moments of cooing, babytalk, and Boomerang references, he remembered himself and found a wheeled bassinet for the baby Antichrist. 

There is a game, common among carnies and street magicians in which a ball is hidden under cups and shuffled around. Unbeknownst to himself, the two sets of new parents, and all the friars at St Botild's, Brother Emile Analogical was about to become a mark.

And Hell had had nothing to do with it.

same rate, and good and evil had a knack for balancing themselves out in the grand scheme of things. And this left Janus and Patton free to pursue other passions, which somehow resulted in the two of them spending a great deal of time in each other's company.

silence. "It's not even that I disagree with you," he said apologetically. "It's just, well, you know, I'm not allowed to disobey."

his hazelnut hot chocolate. "What's a shame?"

Janus nodded. "Roman Dowling."

Roman was about to turn 21, and lived his life according to the belief that everyone over the age of 30 was, in some degree, an 'elder').

wanna do that."

"Roman!"

people; every social interaction, no matter how minor, always kept his body as tense as wire.

[fanficimagery]

Hell Takes Riverdale pt. II

Imagine moving to Riverdale while your father has some business to attend to. While there, you meet some people you find yourself growing attached to. (In which the other three most important serpents accept Y/N and shit goes down).

You can find part one right HERE.

Words: 12.9K Author’s Note: Violence. Somewhat.

For the next couple of days, you're a little bummed that no one other than Jughead texts you to see what you're up to. You respect your friends' decision to distance themselves, but it still hurts. And not even Jughead's words of assurance are enough to ease your mind.

Your mood sours even more when you and your dad are visited by the Plague Kings who are rather pushy and wondering about when their Queen will return to finally marry a Prince of their choosing. Lucifer managed to make you bite your tongue, answering their questions with questions of his own and annoying them enough that they returned to Hell rather quickly.

"I am not marrying Caliban, dad," you tell him. "The only reason they're pushing this marriage is because they don't like a woman in charge. You have no idea how close I am to just putting Lilith in charge in my absence."

Lucifer chuckles. "Fret not, darling. As soon as Riverdale sees the error of their ways I will be returning to Hell to reclaim my throne." You frown and your dad's smile turns genuine, not a hint of mockery in his tone or expression. "I wanted you to rule Hell, but you've seem to have found your footing here on Earth."

"Dad.."

"So I'll reclaim Hell and leave you with Riverdale. All I want for you is to be happy, my darling daughter, and if those in Riverdale give you that happiness, then who am I to take that away and make you rule a place where your subjects would see you dead rather than on the throne?"

"I don't know about that," you mumble. "The only ones speaking to me right now are Jughead and FP."

"The others will come around. Trust me. Especially little miss Pinky. She's been yelling at the boys to get their head out of their asses."

"Yeah? If that were the case then she would have visited me herself with or without the boys."

"Give them a bit more time. It's like FP said- they're a loyal bunch. They just need to wrap their minds around a few things."

"If you say so." You watch as your dad fiddles with his cufflinks. "Well while you're out ruining lives, I'll be downstairs in the theatre. I don't feel like going out tonight."

Lucifer chuckles. "Sweetheart, you haven't been out in the last few nights. Or to school for that matter, but I get it. Shall I tell your friends where you are if they ask?"

"I don't care, dad. Tell them whatever you want."

Before your dad can leave, you head downstairs to the basement where you set up a movie theatre in your free time. Closest to the stairs, a kitchenette of sorts was installed so you didn't have to go far for snacks, a projector hung from the center of the ceiling and was pointed towards the back wall where a large white screen was installed. There's a large sofa in the middle of the room, which is larger than a king sized bed, and a speaker in every corner of the room so you can really enjoy whatever movie or show you watch.

After turning on the projector and searching for something to watch on your laptop, you settle down in the middle of the sofa and snuggle down with a blanket and pillows. You're watching a show where each episode is about a different murder mystery and you're two episodes in when the doorbell rings. You groan and remain laying down, hoping whoever is at the door goes away, when it rings again.

Pausing the show, you roll out of your haven of comfort and trudge upstairs. You yank open the front door upon the third ringing of the bell and not even the sight of three faces you'd been longing to see is enough to pull you from your funk. "What?"

Toni's eyebrows raise at your tone and the two boys grin at your pouty expression. Sweet Pea reaches forward, tugging on a loose strand of hair. "And to think you're the daughter of the devil. You're as adorable as an angry kitten."

You slap at his hand, exhaling loudly as the three of them chuckle. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Can't we visit our friend?" Fangs shrugs. Your expression softens just so at the casual mention of him calling you their friend. "It's been a few days. We missed you glaring the Ghoulies into submission at school."

"That and we might have overheard your dad telling FP about some demons demanding you return to Hell and marry some douchebag prince," Toni says. "No way are you running off and getting hitched before you tell us what the hell that is all about."

You glance between all three of them and, seeing as they're trying, you decide to let them in. "If you're going to stay, shoes come off. We're going to be in the theatre."

"Theatre?" Sweet Pea wonders.

Finally grinning, you step back from the door and gesture them inside. Seeing that you're in socks, Toni readily kicks off her boots. Fangs shrugs and does the same, and Sweet Pea sighs before toeing off his own boots as well.

Afterwards you lead them down into the basement and choke down a laugh when Toni gasps at your setup. "We've been having sleepovers and movie nights at my trailer when you had this beneath your house?!"

"Well to be fair, I couldn't bring any of you over because I couldn't risk anyone from Hell popping in while I had you over." Toni, Sweet Pea, and Fangs all tense and you crawl onto the sofa to get comfortable. "But they've been chased away for now so there's no worry." Slowly but surely your friends crawl in, but only Toni is brave enough to sit directly next to you. Fangs stays on Toni's other side while Sweet Pea lays across the end of the sofa. "So any questions before I restart my murder mystery marathon?"

"Well you can start with these plague kings or whatever the hell your dad was talking about," Sweet Pea says. "What's their deal?"

You sigh, dragging a blanket to cover your lap. "So the thing is," you start to tell them, "the throne was never meant to be mine. Lucifer had his sights set on his first born daughter since she's a witch-"

"Witches exist?!" Fangs exclaims.

"Yep. So do a lot of other things," you muse. "I'd stay away from Greendale if I were you." His eyes widen, but Toni and Sweet Pea merely chuckle. "Anyway, my sister was supposed to take after my dad, but she refused him. She was raised to believe Lucifer was the ultimate evil and she didn't want to follow in his footsteps."

"So when do you come in?" Toni asks.

"About a few years ago," you admit. "When my sister refused him, Lucifer sought me out since I'm only a couple hours younger. He brought me into the fold, showed me and told me everything I'd need to know, and I accepted. I learned all about the ins and outs of Hell, learned exactly who is who, but since I'm still half mortal none of the higher ups don't exactly accept me. My coronation almost didn't happen, but it did and now the Plague Kings have been hounding my dad to marry me off to some prince Caliban since he was quite literally made in Hell."

"Well you aren't going through with it, are you?" Sweet Pea asks.

"Ugh. No," you scoff. "I was meant to rule a lot longer than what I have, but no one could have guessed that I'd get attached to a couple of snakes here in Riverdale." You glance at Toni and nudge her arm. "So as of right now, my dad is closing up a few deals before he reclaims his throne down in Hell and I'm left up here in the mortal realm to do as I please. I'll still be obligated to visit Hell, but my main residence will be here."

"And you're okay with that?" Toni asks. "Giving up the title of queen, I mean."

"Of course. I spent many years not knowing who my biological father was and living life like a normal mortal," you say. "I have quite a few perks now, my dad has made a mortal his best friend for the first time ever, and I- I like it here. I like you guys."

"Aww," Toni coos. "You're giving up a throne for us?"

"I guess so." You glance between all three of them. "So are we going to watch something or are we going to play twenty questions all night?"

Fangs glances around, spotting your laptop and pulling it into his lap to search through Netflix. "If we're watching something, we're not watching murder mysteries. Riverdale is weird enough."

Sweet Pea huffs. "You got that right."

"Fine. Pick whatever you want."

Fangs and Sweet Pea settle on the Conjuring much to Toni's dismay and your amusement. You and Toni prop up a mountain of pillows at your back while Fangs uses Toni's thigh as his pillow. Sweet Pea snags a pillow of his own, laying on his side and shoving the pillow between his arm and head as he faces the screen. You turn out the lights, Fangs hits play, and you watch the tale unfold about a haunted house that terrorizes a family. There are a few eerie moments and jump scares that startle all four of you, but only you and Toni roll into each other giggling while the boys swear at you.

Then after the first movie ends, everyone takes a pee break and you lead Toni into your room so she can find something more comfortable to wear seeing as they plan to watch a couple more movies. When you get back down into the basement, you smile as you realize the boys have made full use of the kitchenette and have snacks and drinks waiting for you all on the sofa, and the Conjuring 2 waiting to be played. When the boys complain about the unfairness of your comfort clothes, you tell them you can grab them pajama bottoms from your dad's dresser for them. They hesitate and Toni rolls her eyes, telling you to grab some pants for them. And a little while later, after the boys have changed into the cotton pajama pants, you can't help but laugh as they boast about wearing the devil's pants.

As everyone finally settles down, the boys join you and Toni at the sofa's backrest. You and her are in the middle with Fangs on her other side and Sweet Pea on yours. The lights turn out again, the movie plays, and you soak in the closeness of your friends. Halfway through the boys collect the bowls and trash, and take it to the kitchenette. You and Toni stretch out then, laying on your sides in the middle of the sofa with you cuddling her from behind as you face the screen. The boys coo and Fangs dives in front of Toni so she can cuddle him and Sweet Pea hesitantly slides in behind you. You grin at him over your shoulder and then try to focus back on the movie.

"Is this okay?" Sweet Pea murmurs, his large hand squeezing your hip.

His lips brushing the shell of your ear makes you shiver. "Mhm." You pause to clear your throat and lean back a little bit until the back of your shoulder hits his chest. "If, uh, if my dad shows up just ignore his orgy comments."

He chuckles. "What?"

"Apparently orgies are common down in the pits. Everyone's been waiting for the Queen- soon to be Princess again- to have her first one, but I don't think I'll ever be ready for that."

"What!?" The movie is paused and Fangs immediately turns around, Toni grunting but turning as much as she can as well. "You're gonna have an orgy?!"

"What? No!" You laugh. You gulp when you feel Sweet Pea squeeze your hip again. "I just said I don't think I'll ever be ready for that."

"Think being the key word," Toni muses and you groan.

"Well if you agree to one, in Hell or Riverdale, think of me. I'll join." Fangs winks at you and Toni laughs.

"Screw it. Count me in too."

You giggle, shaking your head at them. "Guys, you were literally scared of me days of ago because of who I am and now you wanna have sex with me?"

"Well not with you exactly," Fangs says. "Don't get me wrong, you're hot, but someone's already called dibs and-"

"What?" You frown.

Fangs eyes seem to widen then, momentarily darting over your head. "N-Nothing. Nevermind." Toni giggles at his rambling. "But yeah, orgies. Woo."

Having heard enough, Toni pushes Fangs' forehead away from her so he'll turn around. "Can we table the topic of orgies for now? Let's get back to our movie."

Fangs grumbles but turns around nonetheless and the movie resumes.

You get through the second movie with no problem, but before a third could be chosen a loud crack of thunder interrupts the tranquility of the basement.

"Shit." Sweet Pea is the first to rush off the sofa, followed by Fangs and then Toni. Everyone scrambles upstairs and the front door is thrown open, and all three groan at the drizzle that will no doubt turn into a full blown downpour in no time. "We need to move our bikes."

"The garage," you tell them. "Bring them into the garage." Your hurry towards the kitchen where there's a door that connects to the garage, hitting a switch that opens up the door. You step down, watching as your three friends drive their bikes into the safety of the garage so the rain won't ruin their leather seats. "All good?" You ask as they turn off the engines and dismount.

Another crack of thunder has you flinching and hugging yourself. Sweet Pea eyes you warily and you offer him a feeble smile. "You good?" He asks instead.

"Mhm. I'm just- I'm not a fan of thunderstorms."

Toni grins. "Seriously? You see demons on the reg and you're afraid of a little lightning and thunder?"

"I know. It's dumb. Can we go back downstairs now or do you need another change of clothes? You guys can spend the night if you want so you don't have to drive on slick roads."

"We're hardly even damp," Toni tells you. "We're fine."

You flinch yet again when the thunder cracks, louder now, and Sweet Pea chuckles at you. You frown at him, walking back into your house after hitting the switch to close the garage. The others follow you and you head back down into the basement, readily climbing under the blankets.

"Aw. Don't worry, Y/N. We'll protect you." As Sweet Pea crawls back in, he pillows his head on your chest and wraps an arm around your stomach.

For some reason, being weighed down seems to calm you so you lay one hand on his arm over your stomach and the other around his back to let him know you were okay with his position. Fangs grins at you and Toni smiles warmly, her eyes darting between you and Sweet Pea before the two of them settle down on your other side.

Apparently Fangs has taken it upon himself to pick what you're watching and you're so wrapped up in the fact a thunderstorm is raging outside that you don't mind his choosing of the Fast and the Furious. Then during the second movie in that series, the boys have apparently fallen asleep and you know you'll be joining them soon.

"I think I've figured it out."

Toni's voice startles you and you quickly run your fingers through Sweet Pea's hair, gently scratching at his scalp to calm him back to sleep. "Figured what out?" You mumble.

"That serpent you had your eye on." You freeze and she quietly giggles. "It's Sweet Pea, isn't it?"

You mull over her words for a moment until you exhale softly. "Yes, but I'm pretty sure being the daughter of the devil killed any chance we could have had."

"Are you kidding me? That boy is head over heels," Toni says. "Yes, your true identity threw him off a little, but I mean look at him! He's wrapped around you, head on your tits." You can't help but giggle, frowning at Toni when Sweet Pea stirs yet again. "Shut up. You're gonna wake him up."

"You two are adorable. He's not as aggressive when you're around and I've noticed tonight you smile a little bit brighter when it comes to him. I give you guys a couple of weeks top before someone makes a move."

"You're delusional, Topaz. Get some sleep."

She smiles at you. "Just you wait and see, Morningstar. And besides, you didn't see his face when we were talking about orgies. If looks could kill, Fangs would be dead right now."

"Mhm. We'll see."

Over the next couple of weeks, the three friends of yours seem to be at ease with you once more. Jughead was always at ease with you and your dad, so it was a relief when Toni, Sweet Pea, and Fangs started loosening up as well. There were times, however, when Sweet Pea and Fangs would straighten up whenever your dad walked into the room and that highly amused you every single time.

Your basement seemed to become hangout central and Jughead often joked that it was a shame everyone knew about it now. Which then led to Fangs and Sweet Pea ganging up on him for keeping it a secret.

You, Toni, Jughead, and Sweet Pea find yourselves at Pop's one day while Fangs went to visit a family member. You and Sweet Pea are practically sitting thigh to thigh on one side of the booth with Toni and Jug across from you. Toni, to this day, hasn't let you live it down that you have a crush on her longtime friend and it seems Jughead has now noticed it too. It also doesn't help that Sweet Pea is oddly rather touchy and has taken to slinging his arm across your shoulders whenever you're near- something which sets your heart racing every single time and fighting off a telltale blush that threatens to bloom.

"Alright," Jughead muses as Pop delivers your milkshakes, "so we were meant to celebrate the good news together, but Fangs isn't here so we'll just have celebratory shakes instead."

Your brow furrows. "Celebrate what?"

"You haven't heard?" Toni wonders. "Y/N, your dad bought Sunnyside Trailer Park." Your eyes widen and your friends chuckle at your expression.

"He visited my dad a few weeks ago and was appalled at our living conditions."

"Oh no," you mumble. "He was rude, wasn't he? I'm so so-"

"Actually," Toni interrupts, "he wasn't. "Either the devil has seriously gone soft or he's always been this amazing person because not only did he wipe out rent for everyone in the park, but he's also having the trailers renovated. My grandpa is seriously so happy to have his porch and the leaky roof in his bedroom fixed."

"Oh." You allow yourself to relax. "That's seriously really cool of him," you say. "I wonder why he didn't tell me?"

"Y/N!" Your attention is quickly diverted to Veronica Lodge as she marches up to you, milkshake in hand, and Archie trailing after her as he quietly tries to direct her elsewhere. "What the hell is your dad playing at?"

You frown as you stare up at her, Sweet Pea's arm tightening around you as he tries to pull you closer to him. "Excuse me?"

"Every bank account under my family's name, personal and business, has been frozen. Care to explain?"

It takes a moment for her words to sink in and when they do you hold back a snort that wants to break free. Your father was very vindictive. "I don't know what to tell you, Veronica. I don't put my nose where it doesn't belong. Maybe you should take a page out of my book and stay out of it."

She scoffs. "Please. Daddy has eyes everywhere. We know you're in the thick of things as well. You're not fooling anyone, Y/N. You're exactly like your mafioso father."

"Mafioso? You think my dad is part of the mafia?" You giggle. Toni, Jughead, and Sweet Pea share your amusement. "Oh Veronica," you coo, "the only mafioso in this town is your crooked father. And at that he's not very good at it, is he?"

Before anyone can even blink, the strawberry milkshake in her hand is being up-ended on your face. "Ronnie!" Archie is quick to yank her back, stepping in front of her as Sweet Pea growls and moves to stand up.

But since he's stuck between you and the wall, you raise your arm closest to him and drag him back down by his wrist. With your free hand, you wipe away some of the milkshake from your cheek with your forefinger and pop it in your mouth, sucking it clean. "Delicious," you purr. Grabbing the offered napkin from a still shell shocked Jughead, you wipe more of it out of your eyes. "Hate me all you want Veronica, but your family won't be crawling out of this hole your father dug. Enjoy the luxuries you still have while they last because the Lodge's are done." Veronica huffs, stomping away in a fit of anger. You smirk, chuckling as the other few patrons sitting around stare at you in shock, picking up more napkins to clean your face and shirt when you notice Archie Andrews still standing by the booth. "Yes?"

He shoves his hands in his jean's pockets, staring off in the direction his girlfriend left before looking at you yet again. "All I've been hearing for this past month is what a horrible man your father is." You blink at him, wondering where he's going with this. "So give it to me straight, Y/N. Does my dad have anything to worry about with your dad?"

And oh. Okay. Now you understand why he stayed back and why he's worried. Your father basically ruined the Lodge's, but Archie's never been terrible to you so you decide to ease his mind. "Mr. Andrews has nothing to worry about," you tell him honestly. "Apparently my dad's on the track of doing several good deeds for the town of Riverdale and FP told my dad all about Fred Andrews' hard working nature. He only wants to help those he thinks deserve the help. No strings attached."

"It's true," Jughead tells his friend. "Mr. Morningstar bought Southside High and got jingle jangle out of the halls."

"He bought Sunnyside and wiped out our rent," Sweet Pea says. "There's a crew coming in that's going to start hauling out all the junk and fixing up our trailers."

"In the couple of months that Mr. Morningstar has been here, he's purchased and cleaned up the southside rather than tearing our school and homes down and building over it," Toni tells him. "Could you say Hiram Lodge would have done the same for us?"

Archie shifts uncomfortably under everyone's gaze and you say, "Hiram and my dad had business dealings going back to before we were born. He royally messed up and my dad cleaned it up." You then offer him a faint grin. "My dad is not the horrible person you've no doubt heard about from your girlfriend and her family. Keep that in mind."

The redhead nods. "Thanks. And uh, I'm sorry about Veronica. I tried to stop her."

You shrug. "No harm done. The clothes can be washed. You and me are good, but if your girlfriend steps up to me again I won't be settling things with words."

He huffs a small laugh. "Duly noted." He then glances at the occupant across the booth from you. "See you around, Jug."

As soon as Archie takes his leave, your three friends all converge on you.

"Are you okay?" Jughead immediately asks.

"Girl, you have been blessed with the patience of a million people because I would have lunged across this table if it weren't for your calm demeanor," Toni says.

"I was so close to shanking her," Sweet Pea mumbles.

You snort and swat at his chest with the back of your hand. "It's just a little ice cream, guys. No biggie." You pull at your shirt, nose wrinkling. "I'm just going to go clean up in the bathroom. I'll be back."

"Oh hey," Toni climbs over the back of her seat, hopping out of the booth behind her to meet you, "I have some clothes in my bike's bag if you're interested."

"Yeah. Just bring it to the bathroom."

You head to the bathroom, not caring a bit about your clothes and instead turn on the water at the sink to wash off the stickiness of the ice cream that stayed behind on your skin. Toni appears not a minute later, clothes in hand, and you readily strip out of your jeans right then and there. She doesn't bat an eye and tosses you the pants first.

When you catch them, you give her a deadpan stare which she laughs at. "Leather? Seriously?"

"Put them on, Y/N."

You grumble all the while, putting one leg in and then the other, you almost falling a couple of times as you drag the leather up your legs. Toni is no help, she laughing at your misfortune and then at your exasperated, "Fucking hell. How do you breathe in these?" She tosses the shirt at you next and you glare when you see all the mesh involved. "My tits are gonna be out."

"No they won't. There's material sewn in so there no nip slips. You'll just be showing off the perfect amount of skin."

"I hate you." You strip off your shirt, turning around and stripping off your bra as well. You pull the long sleeve shirt on, frowning when you realize there's only a single band of material that wraps around your breasts. Everything else is see through. "I seriously hate you."

"Yeah well you're about to hate me more."

Toni quickly grabs up your discarded clothing and books it out of the bathroom, you lunging after her. She laughs as she makes a break for the exit and you freeze right before you can enter the main part of the diner. Through the windows you can see her stashing your clothes in the bag on her bike and you mumble threats at her as she re-enters the diner, walking towards the boys.

You've worn a couple of risqué outfits in front of your friends by now, but the shirt makes you feel really exposed. So after gathering your wits, and wishing you could just disappear in a swirl of flames, you march out from behind the wall and towards your friends. Sweet Pea is the first to see you and his eyes widen before they glance up and down your form. Jughead and Toni turn around in their seats, Jug's eyes widening before he laughs and Toni snapping a few photos on her phone. You pout at them as you cross your arms over your chest. "I'm ready to go now. Toni's clothes and I do not mix."

Sweet Pea seems to snap out of his stupor long enough to stand up and shed his jacket, then draping it over your shoulders. You exhale in relief and quickly shove your arms through the sleeves, smiling up at him until Toni coos and your gaze darts to her. If looks could kill, your friend would be seriously maimed.

"So are you guys ready for the Whyte Wyrm?" Jughead asks. "Fangs texted that he's on the way there right now."

"Sure, but we're swinging by my house first so I can get back into my own clothes."

"Do we have to?" Sweet Pea's voice rumbles directly above you. "I'm kind of into this look you have going on right now."

You freeze and glance upward, reaching out to poke his chest. "Don't press your luck, Sweets. Now come on. You're driving me."

"Yes, ma'am," he chuckles and follows after you.

Jughead and Toni watch as their friends leave, grinning at the sight of their friend swamped in Sweet Pea's serpent jacket. "Is it just me or is Sweet Pea seriously sweet on the devil's daughter?"

Toni chuckles. "That's nothing. You should see the way they sleep when we spend the night down in the theatre. You would think Y/N would be wrapped around him, but nope. Sweet Pea uses Y/N as his personal pillow and practically glares Fangs to death every time Lucifer brings up orgies."

Jughead's laugh falters. "O-Orgies?"

"Yeah. Apparently they're part of the norm down in Hell. I'm pretty sure Lucifer is gonna give Pea a heart attack one of these days if he keeps mentioning Y/N having her first one."

He shakes his head, chuckling. "Life with the devil and his daughter just keeps getting weirder and weirder."

"Preaching to the choir, Jug."

You're at home, alone for a change, and making yourself something to eat. Every now and then you just needed a day or two for yourself to decompress and it was something that your new friends seemed to understand. Especially since the Ghoulies started to push back, something having changed within their ranks and making them that much more cocky, and you had your hands full with them. But thankfully, they couldn't reclaim the school.

You manage to eat at least half a plate pasta when your cell rings, the unknown number making you frown. You take a sip of water before answering.

"Hello?"

"Y/N?" Toni's voice wavers over the line. "You need to get down to the hospital."

"Hospital?" You sit a little straighter in your seat. "What happened?"

"It's Jughead." She says. "The Ghoulies and Penny beat him. It's not good, Y/N."

The blood in your veins runs cold. You mind blanks before rage seeps in. "They what?" You seethe.

"FP's a mess. And they also stabbed Fangs, but it's nothing serious. And Sweet Pea-"

"What did they do to Sweet Pea?"

"He's fine." She's quick to assure you. "He's the least injured with a busted lip and bruised eye. He's more pissed and worried about Jug and Fangs right now."

You can feel your body trembling. "Toni, is there anyone around you right now?"

"No. The payphone was down some deserted hallway."

"Good. Give me a few seconds and I'll be right there." You hang up on her, pushing up from your chair and rushing down the hall to put on some shoes. You forgo any type of jacket, your cable knit sweater and plaid skirt just going to have to do. You inhale and exhale deeply, closing your eyes and concentrating on Toni. Once you feel like you've sussed her out, you will yourself to be taken to her and the telltale whoosh of flames lets you know they've done their job. When your eyes open, Toni's staring wide-eyed at you. "Take me to the boys."

Toni numbly nods, turning around and rushing down the hall. You're fast on her heels, your rage still boiling beneath the surface. Especially when you're led to the waiting room where your dad casually sits in a chair and FP paces in front of him. Archie Andrews and Betty Cooper are a few chairs down, and Sweet Pea is not far from them.

You completely pass up your dad and FP, heading straight for Sweet Pea. When he sees you, he attempts to stand but you catch his face in your hands and gently cradle it to examine his wounds. "What happened?"

"Ghoulies," he mumbles. His hands come up to wrap around your wrists, trying to smile reassuringly at you, but then flinching when his split lip stretches. "And Penny. She's back and out for your blood."

"She's dead," you murmur.

Sweet Pea's eyes widen. "Y/N-"

"Don't." You meet his gaze and you can see the concern there. You offer him a feeble smile in return, leaning down and pressing your lips to his forehead. "She will not get away with touching what is mine. She's dead."

As you pull back to make sure he understands you're being serious, you see him gulp and tersely nod. You drop your hands and step back from him, and he's quick to stand. Towering over you, he reaches down and grabs your hand within his own. He seems almost nervous about his move, but you merely squeeze his hand in response and lead him towards FP. Your dad stands as you pass him this time, joining you, Sweet Pea, and the elder Jones in the corner of the waiting room.

"I am so sorry, FP," you tell him.

He glances at you, eyes red-rimmed as he smoothes his hair back with one hand. "Not your fault, kid. I should have known Penny wouldn't have been kept at bay so easily. Or that she'd sit idly by as Lucifer took up Ghoulie territory."

You shake your head at him. "Penny doesn't know what we're truly capable of- she only thinks we're good with our fists and blades. She doesn't know that by touching my boys, she just signed her death certificate."

FP blinks at you as Lucifer chuckles. "Ding dong the witch is dead."

"So dead," you quietly seethe. Glancing up at Sweet Pea, you say, "I need you to take me to where they're laying low."

"I'm not taking you directly to them. It's you they're after, Y/N. Penny knew the only way to make you a loose cannon was to attack those closest to you."

"I am not a loose cannon, Pea. I am focused." You squeeze his hand. "I've never been this focused before, but if you won't take me I'll just get my dad to suss her out and you'll miss all the action."

"We'll take you," FP says. "I wanna be there for her downfall."

"And the Ghoulies," you tell him. "Whoever laid a finger on the boys are all going down."

Sweet Pea sighs. "You're gonna be the death of me." Lucifer full blown smirks and FP cracks a grin at the serpent in distress. "Fine. We'll take you, but you're riding with me."

And if they didn't think you were serious before, they know now seeing as you didn't make a joke about riding with FP like you normally would have given the chance.

Toni steps up to the group then, FP grasping her by the shoulder and leaning in to murmur, "Stay with Jug. We'll be back." She looks at you, but you subtly shake your head and she takes a seat in one of the waiting room chairs.

Hand in hand, you and Sweet Pea stalk out of the hospital with FP at your side. Lucifer decides to hang back as well, saying he's just going to check on Jughead as soon as he can and jumpstart the boy's healing process.

On the back of Pea's bike, you hang on to his waist and let the wind whip at your face and hair. Your rage at Penny and the Ghoulies has overcome you, that not even the sting of the cold air or cold drizzle is enough to faze you. It's about a ten minute ride to the clearing and by the time you get there your rage has made you eerily calm. The bikes are shut off and off in the distance, just beyond a bridge, there are several barrels emitting flames. As you climb off, FP and Sweet Pea stand on either side of you as they glance around your surroundings.

"Whatever you see, let it happen. I won't be responsible for what happens if anyone tries to interfere with what I'm doing."

The both of them mumble their acknowledgements and then you're walking. The clearing seems void of any life, but then the blonde bitch you watched Maze beat down and threaten over a month ago saunters out from between the trees. And she's not alone. About ten to fifteen Ghoulies come out from between the trees behind her and spread out.

"Tall Boy?" You glance at FP and follow his gaze, frowning at the semi-familiar Serpent standing with Penny Peabody.

"Told you going after the Jones kid would bring the little bitch out." Tall Boy chuckles and Penny looks like Christmas has come early.

"What the hell, man?!" Sweet Pea shouts. "You sent the Snake Charmer and her junkie little lap dogs after us? Serpents don't betray Serpents!"

"That's rich coming from you, boy." He huffs. Tall Boy points at FP as he says, "He teamed up with outsiders and practically lets them have free reign of the Whyte Wyrm."

"And don't forget he let his little lap dogs take me out of town and cut me up," Penny says. "But now I'm back, better than ever, and I'm out for blood. That," she points directly at you, "little bitch's blood to be exact."

Sweet Pea steps forward in your defense, but you grab his arm and pull him back. FP steps up to your side again, clearly not letting Tall Boy's betrayal go. "So what? Say you do take out Lucifer and Y/N. What is that going to solve? You're out Tall Boy. Exiled. You have no home here. Not anymore."

He shrugs. "Well then I guess I'll take out their king and rule the Serpents myself."

"I'd like to see you try." Everyone glances at you, your too calm tone seeming out of place for the current confrontation taking place. "Let's go, Tall Boy. You and me. Right here, right now."

"Uh, Y/N?" Sweet Pea says.

You step forward, gaze set on the Serpent in question. "What's wrong, Tall Boy? Are you afraid of a little girl?"

Tall Boy, Penny, and all the hopped up Ghoulies laugh, and you step forward. Tall Boy meets you halfway, grinning. "As soon as I'm done with you, my boys are gonna carve up your boys and then I'm gonna make a quick trip down to the hospital and finish what we started with Jughead."

"Oh Tall Boy," you mockingly smile. "Shut the fuck up."

He lunges forward to grab you, but you're quick to duck into a crouch and send your fist flying into his groin. You slide to the right and kick in the back of his knee, then sweeping his legs out from under him. You slap a hand down on his forehead, Tall Boy's screams resonating around the clearing as he convulses beneath your hand. You glance up and meet Penny's gaze head on. Her eyes widen and you sneer at her, and then you look back down at Tall Boy as you release him.

"Exile is too good for the likes of you," you say as he tries to scramble to his feet. On his forehead, there appears to be three claw marks branded there. "So I want you to run like the hounds of hell are after you, Tall Boy. Because they will be." As if on cue, eerie howls rip through the air and you slowly stand tall. Everyone tenses and glances around, but only Tall Boy seems to be staring at something that only he can see. You glance over your shoulder, grinning as two hellhounds step out from the shadows and brush up against FP and Sweet Pea. The two of them freeze and shift to the side, and you beckon the hellhounds closer to you. They stand at your side, under your palms, and you grin at Tall Boy. "Run, Tall Boy. My babies are hungry."

The hellhounds snarl as Tall Boy turns around to run and you click your tongue a minute later to let the hounds loose. Tall Boy can be heard screaming deep into the windows and you smile innocently at Penny and all the Ghoulies. A Ghoulie steps forward, taking Tall Boy's place next to Penny. His wild and curly hair hangs to his shoulders, and black coal is smeared across his eyes which seem a little too wide for any sober person.

"One down," you muse. "Who's next?"

"What the hell did you do to Tall Boy?" Penny seethes. She steps forward and you smile at her.

"Penny, Penny, Penny," you tut. "You're in no position to be asking questions." Your smile drops as your gaze hardens. "You should have listened and stayed out of Riverdale."

"Who the hell do you think you are, little girl?"

"Why I'm the queen of hell, of course." You smile innocently as lightning suddenly forks across the sky and everyone ducks on instinct. Penny and her ghoulish companion look up before they glance warily back at you, and you smirk. "Now kneel." A moment of silence passes before Penny and her friends laugh. Your smirk drops. "I said kneel!" You snap your fingers and everyone standing across from you falls to their knees. They glance around wildly, not knowing why they listened.

You stalk forward, your feet unknowingly leaving behind smoldering prints and lightning flashes ominously across the sky. "You mortals never listen," you seethe, your voice changing and sending chills down everyone's spine. "And now I'm going to finish what Mazikeen should have done the first time around."

Penny spits at your feet. "Screw you. You don't have what it takes to play with the adults, sweetheart."

"No?" You walk forward until you're just in front of Penny, reaching out and walking your fingers along her forehead until she jerks out of reach. "I command a legion of demons, sweetheart," you mock her. "You have no idea what I'm capable of." Penny opens her mouth to no doubt spew some idiot bullshit and you sigh. "Bored now. Bye bye, Snake Charmer." You shove your palm against Penny's forehead, smiling as a glow emits from your palm and seeps into her head.

Her mouth gapes open as she screams, her own eyes and mouth slowly emitting the same glow from your hand before her screams die out and she falls back. Dead.

Her ghoulish companion stares up at you in fear. "What the fuck are you?"

"Don't you listen, Malachi?" You sweetly coo. His eyes subtly widen at you knowing who he is.

"Queen of Hell. Yeah, I got that," he says. Suddenly his resolve seems to harden. "But what you don't seem to know is that you messed with the wrong ghoul. You see, I overthrow royalty." Before you can blink, his arm is raising and you see the glint of a blade a second too late.

The sharpened metal is embedded in your gut and he laughs cruelly.

"Y/N!" Sweet Pea and FP yell.

But you merely stumble back a single step, glancing down at the knife before you grab the hilt and yank it free. Dropping it, you look at Malachi from under your lashes. "That was a very stupid move." He snorts, but before he can say another word you reach forward with both hands and twist his head violently to the side.

As you glance up at the rest of the Ghoulies, you're met with fearful stares. You want to make each and every one of them suffer, every single face staring up at you guilty for having taken part in putting Jug and Fangs in the hospital. Stalking towards the first Ghoulie, you ignore their whimpers and press a single finger to the middle of their forehead. "Death is too harsh at the moment for the lot of you," you say. The Ghoulie beneath your finger screams before passing out, he falling limp to the ground. "So live your life to the fullest," you say as you touch the next one, "because the moment you cease to live, your soul will be dragged to Hell where you'll be tortured over and over and over again." At the next Ghoulie, you chuckle. "You really shouldn't have touched what was mine."

One by one, the Ghoulies fall unconscious under your hand. The clearing is littered with unconscious junkies, and by the time you turn around FP and Sweet Pea are a lot closer than they were earlier. FP is staring at you like he can't believe what he's just seen, but Sweet Pea's gaze is set on your abdomen where your blood has soaked through your sweater. You glance down, pressing your hand to your wound and then bringing your hand away soaked with blood.

"Oh. Well that's not good." You stumble backwards, but hands are quick to catch you before you can fall. Looking up at your savior, you smile shakily at the boy who had quickly won over your affections. "Hey Pea."

"Hey." His own smile is shaky as well, but the concern is clear as day. "You put on quite the show there, babe. What the hell did you do to the Ghoulies?"

"N-Nothing. Just branded their souls for a f-future trip down to Hell. And I made them forget what they'd seen here so they can't tell anyone."

FP comes up to your side then, grinning. "Smart move, Morningstar. Now come on. Let's get you to the hospital. We need to get you checked out."

Your teeth chatter as you nod. "O-Okay."

You gasp as Sweet Pea literally sweeps you off your feet, one arm beneath your knees and the other supporting your upper back as he walks you towards his bike. Instead of reprimanding him for the sudden movement, you lean your head against his chest and let your eyes fall shut. Gosh, you're so sleepy.

"Hey. Y/N, wake up."

"M'tired."

"I know, babe, but you still need to keep your eyes open."

"Five more minutes."

Sweet Pea sighs. "If you don't open up your eyes, you're gonna miss a shirtless FP."

Your nose wrinkles and a moment passes before you crack open one eye. "You're a dirty rotten liar, Pea."

His upper body shakes with his quiet laughter. "Did you really just open one eye to see if I was telling the truth?"

"I'm injured. Don't mock me."

"You're right. I'm sorry," he muses. "Now come on. I really need you to open your eyes. You need to be alert so you don't fall off the back of my bike."

You groan. "Fine. But when I fall asleep at the hospital, you're not allowed to wake me up."

"Deal."

The steady beeping of a machine is what wakes you, your eyelids feeling too heavy to open. You try turning your head the other way, but the beeping continues and it makes you frown. You manage to flutter your eyelids open, blinking a few times until your vision focuses. The first person you see is Sweet Pea, the boy in question sitting in a chair with his head tilted back and mouth agape. You can hear faint snores coming from him and it makes you smile.

You turn your head the other way, smile blossoming at the two sleeping figures of Toni and Fangs.

"So Sleeping Beauty finally wakes." The gruff voice startles you and you have to pick your head up to see where it's coming from. Across the room from you, in a bed of his own, is a severely bruised Jughead who's eating a cup of green jello. "The bed remote is to your right if you wanna sit up."

You turn to your right, spotting the remote hanging from the bed railing and make a grab for it. Figuring out which button is which, you press the correct one to lift the upper half of your bed. You cringe as you do so, head throbbing suddenly. "How- how long was I out?"

"According to my dad, you've been out for three and half days. I woke up two days ago so I heard all about the craziness that went down the night I was brought in."

"Oh." You glance around, frowning. "Do, uh, do you know where my dad's at?"

"He's been in and out. The three stooges around you haven't given up their seats since you were put in here, so he said to call him when you woke up. I texted him while you were ogling Sweet Pea in his sleep."

"I wasn't-" You pause, sighing as Jughead chuckles. "Whatever." Glancing around again, you say, "What does a girl gotta do to get some food in here?"

As if on cue, the door bangs open and both you and Jughead flinch. Toni, Fangs, and Sweet Pea all startle awake. In walks your father, bags from Pop's in hand, and behind him FP walks in with two trays of drinks.

"You," Lucifer points out, "darling daughter, have a lot of explaining to do."

It's then your friends notice that you're up and awake, and you brace yourself as Toni and Fangs practically climb atop your bed.

"Will you be careful, you dumbasses!" Sweet Pea barks. "She just woke up."

"She just woke up," Fangs mocks him, earning a punch to the back.

You laugh, flinching when Toni's arm lays across your abdomen. Thankfully she notices and quickly readjusts her position, not moving from your side. Fangs, however, gets pulled from your other side and Sweet Pea carefully takes his spot. He maneuvers his arm so it's behind your and Toni's heads.

Glancing up at your dad, you accept the bag of food he holds out to you as he asks, "When exactly did your powers fully manifest? FP and Sweet Pea told me what they witnessed, and a sudden show of power like that is what kept you asleep so long. As well as the blood loss. You completely exhausted yourself."

You shift nervously under everyone's sudden gaze. "I, uh, it's all been slowly manifesting over the past couple of weeks. But then hearing about Jughead, it kind of sped up the process in one fell swoop and well.. FP and Pea saw how that ended."

Lucifer tuts. "You're lucky you didn't kill yourself. You know better than to use so much power while still untrained."

"I know," you mumble. You make quick work of digging into the bag that's resting in your lap, pulling out a burger and unwrapping it. You immediately take a bite, groaning as the taste explodes across your tongue. "Can you lecture me later? I feel like I can eat ten of these."

Your dad wrinkles his nose. "Your mortal side is showing. Swallow before you speak."

"That's what he said," Toni mumbles.

You choke on your food and Sweet Pea immediately starts hitting your back in a panic. Eventually your airway clears and you glare at Toni who's smiling innocently at you. "You're a bitch." She laughs, but then your attention is stolen by FP whose handing you a drink. You grin gratefully at him as you suck up some ice cold Cola through the straw. "I hope I didn't leave you a mess to deal with."

"You didn't." He smirks. "I put in an anonymous tip to sheriff Keller about some Ghoulies who'd looked like they overdosed. I also might have told him they were also the ones involved with Jughead's beating. They ain't getting out anytime soon."

"Good."

Everyone makes themselves comfortable around the shared room, FP sitting next to his son's bed while Lucifer sits next to yours, but Toni and Sweet Pea have you squished between them on the bed while Fangs sits in an empty chair.

You manage to eat three burgers, two cartons of fries, and siphon down three cups of Cola when you notice all eyes are on you. Immediately you can feel the flush burning up the sides of your neck and up to your face. Leaning back, you push the rest of the food away and curl in towards Sweet Pea as the room's occupants start to laugh.

"So are you gonna share those burgers or you gonna wolf down every single one?" Jughead muses.

"Don't mock me. You're lucky I even left anything." Fangs chuckles at your pout and gets up, grabbing up the bags from your lap. He takes a burger for himself before walking the food across the room, and you grin as Jughead immediately digs in. FP can only shake his head at his son as Jughead groans in delight. "So," you say as you glance at your dad, "what happens now?"

"Now you heal," Lucifer says. "However, when you're all better we need to take a trip to Hell." Sweet Pea tightens his hold around your shoulders and you quickly glance up at him, smiling softly to reassure him everything would be fine. "I'm just about done with business here on the mortal plane, so we need to transfer roles back down in Hell."

"Ugh. Do I have to stay for the party? Your creepy minions are gonna try to bed me again."

"Well if you'd show up with a consort on your arm you wouldn't have that problem."

You frown. "You know damn well if I show up with a mortal in Hell it'll be chaos."

"But what fun chaos it'll be," Lucifer smirks.

"Hold up," Toni says. "Consort?"

Your dad's smirk widens and you sigh. "For some reason, dad wants me to take a boyfriend. Or husband. He's not picky."

"What!?" She laughs.

"Yeah. He's got his money on Sweet Pea just because he's tall and intimidating." Sweet Pea suddenly chokes and everyone in the room laughs at him. You grin at him, poking him on his side. "Relax. There are no wedding bells in any of our immediate futures. And besides," you say as you let yourself relax into Sweet Pea's side once more, fatigue suddenly overcoming you, "the elite of Hell only approve of a wedding if it's officiated in Hell. And quite frankly, no one I choose will ever step foot down there if I have anything to say about it."

"Wait. Hold on," Jughead says. "Are you saying you can get us in and out of Hell, and you haven't done so?"

FP scoffs. "Don't even think about it, kid."

You grin at Jughead's affronted expression, letting your eyelids fall shut. "We are not taking field trips down to Hell. Now everyone shush. M'sleepy."

It took you a few days before your dad deemed you well enough to visit Hell, making sure you did not show any form of vulnerability in front of the others. So you rested at home during the day and spent your evenings entertaining your friends who wanted to know all about Hell and how long you'd be away. But the truth was, you didn't even know yourself.

So when you and your dad finally left for Hell, you hadn't anticipated just how long you'd be there. You did anticipate, however, several demons being happy over the transfer of power. And that several others would swoop in in hopes of courting you. All of which you happily declined.

Your dad's coronation lasted a full day and you lost track of time after the second day of partying. You caught up with what few companions you actually had in Hell, ate, drank, and danced. It felt like only a couple of days had passed before you decided you'd been there long enough and sought out your father, only for him to happily send you on your way with promises that you'd visit every month. You had waved him off before going back to your rooms to change into regular clothing, and then let a swirl of flames whisk you away.

Reappearing in your house, you glance around happily until you notice it's not quite as you left it. The lights and TV, which had been turned off prior to leaving, are now on and the more you linger in the same spot it's easier to hear the noises coming from the kitchen. Quietly heading in that direction, you stop short at the sight of FP and Jughead preparing what appears to be their dinner.

"Um, hi?"

Jughead and FP's attention immediately snap to you, and Jughead quickly rounds the kitchen island. "Y/N, you're back!"

"Of course I am." You laugh as he wraps his arms around you, returning his embrace as you grin at FP over Jug's shoulder. "I told you I'd be back as soon as possible."

Jughead pulls back from you, hands on your shoulders as he keeps you at arm's length. "I know, but we thought you meant like three days tops, not two weeks!"

"What?"

You look at FP and he nods. "Sorry, babygirl, but he's telling the truth."

Your mind briefly short circuits at the nickname and you glance at Jug, smile slowly blooming. "Your dad called me-"

"Don't."

You laugh as FP snorts, shaking his head at you. "Only joking. I haven't done that in two week apparently," you say. You reach up to pat one of Jughead's hands on your shoulders and he releases. Walking over to one of the stools lined along the kitchen island, you take a seat. "And besides, you know I have my eyes on a certain tall Serpent friend of yours."

"Speaking of which," FP then says as he leans across the counter across from you, "you better text him. He's been bugging us nonstop to see if we heard from you or not."

"I will." Jughead offers you a bottle of water which you accept. "I just- I need to decompress for a little bit. Socializing in Hell kind of took it out of me."

"Well you can always join us for dinner." Jughead looks so hopeful that you actually feel a little bit bad turning him down.

"Sorry, JJ. I've been eating nonstop for days. I kind of just want to sleep it off."

"Oh. Okay sure."

"But before I head upstairs, can I just ask what you guys are doing here?"

Jughead looks like a deer in headlights at the question, so FP takes over. "Lucifer wanted us to keep an eye on the place while you were gone. Said we could crash here if we needed to and our trailer went under renovations two days ago."

"Oh. Okay." You smile at them. "Well you guys are always welcome here no matter what and just because I'm back it doesn't mean you have to leave. I welcome the company," you say. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sleep my dad's coronation off."

"We'll keep your return under wraps, but if anyone stops by we won't lie to them."

"That's fine," you tell Jughead.

After drinking some more of your water, you decide to head upstairs. In the privacy of your room you decide to quickly change into some sleepwear before crawling into the comfort of your own bed.

Sleep finds you fairly quickly and you're not quite sure how long you've been asleep when you're suddenly awoken. The sky is completely pitch black outside your window and the house is eerily quiet. You figure it must be very early morning so it's no use getting up now, but just as your eyes close once more the sound of a chair creaking has your eyes flying open.

On your stomach, you immediately push yourself up until you're sitting on your knees and glancing around your room. "Hey. Hey, you're okay."

Your lamp clicks on and you cringe away from the sudden brightness, only to slowly open your eyes and be met with the concerned expression of possibly your favorite Serpent. "Pea?"

He grins. "The one and only."

"What are- what are you doing here?" You crawl towards the edge of the bed closest to him, sitting down so your feet touch the ground.

"Stopped by for some dinner earlier and Jughead told me you were back. FP took pity on me and let me stay until you woke up."

"So you- you watched me sleep?" Sweet Pea's smile slowly falls as yours grows. "That's kind of creepy, Pea."

"Well I didn't- I didn't know-"

You quickly lean forward, one hand gripping the armrest of the chair to hold you up and the other cradling the side of Sweet Pea's face as you angle it towards yours. You gently brush your lips against his just to test the waters before you pull back just an inch, your eyes fluttering open to gauge his reaction. Sweet Pea blinked owlishly at you before his eyes darted over every inch of your face, lastly settling on your lips as his hands came up to cradle your face and bring you back in.

Smiling against his lips, you allow him a moment of control, letting yourself get briefly carried away in one another. You nip at his bottom lip and when he groans you peck the corner of his mouth before falling back onto the edge of your bed. You lick your bottom lip before biting it sheepishly, eyes shining at a clearly distracted Sweet Pea.

"I'm not gonna lie. I've been wanting to do that for a really long time."

Gathering his wits once more, Sweet Pea scoffs. "You mean to tell me we could have been doing this since the beginning?"

"Well yeah. But I didn't wanna come off as easy."

"You.. easy? Yeah right," he chuckles. Slowly, he sobers up. "But, uh, your dad's not gonna be a problem. Right?"

You shake your head. "Nah. Believe it or not, Lucifer's a cool dad. He doesn't care what I do or who I do it with so long as it's consensual."

He seems to blanch just a little. "Of course. Always."

"Then we're good." You flash him a small smile as you scoot back into bed, tossing the blanket over your legs. "Now will you come to sleep rather than watching over me? I wasn't lying when I said it was weird." Sweet Pea readily stands to strip out of his jacket, laying it across the chair as he toes off his boots. When he starts to walk to the other side of your bed, you say, "Feel free to sleep sans jeans, but only if you're wearing underwear."

Sweet Pea smirks at you as he slowly unbuckles his belt, sliding it out of his jean's loops before tossing that on his jacket as well. You roll your eyes as he unbuttons his jeans and lets them fall, haphazardly kicking them aside before crawling into your bed.

"If that was an attempt to seduce me, you're really terrible at it." He laughs as he lays on his back, you grabbing his arm and picking it up so you can lay close to him. You're on your side, head on his shoulder and arm around his waist. "But you still get an A for effort."

"I wasn't even trying, sweetheart. If I was to seduce you, you'd know it."

"Mhm. I'm sure. Now close your eyes. I have a feeling everyone's gonna be here later on."

          - - - - - - - - - - 

"Do- do we wake them?"

"No, you idiot, let them sleep."

A sigh. "This is going to be a regular thing now, isn't it?"

You slowly smile, the voices of Fangs, Toni, and Jughead waking you up. "You're damn straight this is going to be a regular thing." Your eyes open and you grin. "I'm going to be climbing this like a tree every chance I get." The chest beneath your cheek rumbles with sleepy laughter. You yawn, stretching at Sweet Pea's side before slowly sitting up. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten," Jughead says. "Dad was going to wake you for breakfast, but he saw you and Sweet Pea and figured he'd let you sleep."

"FP is officially my second favorite Serpent," you say. With his eyes still closed, Sweet Pea smiles and you roll your eyes at his smugness. "I hope you guys have nothing planned. I just want to relax and go to school like a normal person for a few days. I'm all partied out."

"Whatever you want, girl." Toni tells you. "We're just glad you're finally back."

"You and me both."

Over the next few days, your group of friends grow used to the fact that you and Sweet Pea have officially become a thing. Neither of you are fond of the terms boyfriend/girlfriend since it sounds kind of juvenile, but you don't correct anyone when they use that particular label. As far as the two of you are concerned, you are his and he is yours, and that's enough for the two of you.

Another change that seems to have happened is at the Whyte Wyrm, your presence being a great deal more tolerated. You know no one other than a select few knew of your true heritage, so you figure one of your friends name dropped the pet name Princess and now the other Serpents boldly greet you as such, especially FP who takes great delight in calling you that once he realizes you find it annoying.

You're happy you don't have Queenly duties niggling at the back of your mind and that you can just be as normal as you can be with your friends. There are a few instances in which your powers come in handy, but you don't use them as often as you thought you would. Then as the days slowly progress and the weather turns chillier, you find that Sweet Pea is a constant presence in your home. His trailer had been updated, but while he's grateful for it he much prefers coming home to you and your house.

You and Sweet Pea are sleeping down in the basement, the lounging sofa being more comfortable for him to sleep in since he was so tall. You've already ordered a new bed, but for now the two of you happily camp down in the theatre while you wait for your bed to come in.

The doorbell ringing pulls you from your dreams and an arm tightens around your waist. Sleep starts to pull you back under seconds later until the doorbell rings again and you quietly groan.

"Don't answer it," Sweet Pea mumbles. "They'll go away."

You press back into his chest, yawning and willing yourself to fall back asleep. But whoever's at the front door is insistent and the doorbell rings for a third time. "I'm going to smite them," you grumble. "Smite them and then blissfully come back to sleep." Sweet Pea chuckles at your threat, but though you're getting annoyed for having had your sleep interrupted you don't actually do anything about it.

Seconds seem to pass and when the doorbell doesn't ring again you let your body start to relax once more. Sweet Pea curls even more against your back and you chuckle softly at the fact that one of the Serpent's most intimidating secretly loves to cuddle.

And then just as you're fully relaxing and being pulled back under, there are footsteps coming down the staircase. "I knew I'd find you guys down here."

You and Sweet Pea both groan, Jughead's amused laughter making you open your eyes and glare at the teen in question. Betty Cooper is standing just behind him, glancing around your home theatre in wonder, but you bite your tongue on questioning her presence since you know full well that she and Jughead were more stable than they've ever been.

"If you know what's best for you, JJ, you'd walk away."

"It's three in the afternoon, Y/N. You should have been awake hours ago."

"We had a late night."

"First off, ew." His nose wrinkles at you and Sweet Pea, and you, Sweet Pea, and Betty grin at Jughead's comment. "And secondly, dad sent me. We're having a meeting."

Sweet Pea seems to take those words seriously and you whine when he moves to get up. He chuckles, quickly kissing your temple and then turning to crawl out of the comfort of the sofa. You sigh. "And why, pray tell, is my presence needed?"

Jughead smirks. "You'll see."

His vague answer is enough to get you moving, you grumbling all the while. On your way upstairs, you hit Jughead with your shoulder and then smile innocently at Betty while telling her to help herself to whatever's in the kitchen while you and Sweet Pea get ready.

You and Sweet Pea take the quickest showers you've ever taken, separately, and meet Jughead and Betty in the kitchen. Sweet Pea is pulling on his jacket and you're tying your hair up into a ponytail, grinning at Jughead who has a plate of sandwiches in front of him. "So what's the deal, Jones?"

He shrugs. "M'just under orders to bring you to the quarry."

You glance at Betty and she chuckles. "I just came along for the ride. Jughead's actually dropping me off before you go to the meeting."

"I feel like I should be scared nervous, but I'm actually excited nervous." You muse. "I mean, daddy Jones-"

"God you're so gross," Jughead groans. You wink at Betty as Jughead turns to Sweet Pea. "How are you okay with your girl fawning over my dad?"

"Because everyone, including FP, knows it gets under your skin and it's fun to watch your squirm."

You look at Betty and grin. "Have I told you about the time FP called me babygirl?"

"And we're leaving!" Jughead is quick to latch onto his laughing girlfriend's wrist, tugging her out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

You turn towards Sweet Pea, wrapping your arms around his waist as you lean up on your tiptoes to play a chaste kiss to his lips. "I absolutely adore you. Now come on. Let's go see what the boss wants."

Sweet Pea pecks your lips twice more before you fall back flat on your feet, then making your way towards the hall closet. Inside, you pull free a jean jacket and quickly pull it on while Sweets grabs both your helmets. The two of you head outside to see Betty already hanging onto the back of Jughead. You and Sweet Pea readily climb onto his bike, you tucking yourself as close as you can to his back while he follows Jughead towards Betty's house.

Then once Betty's hopped off and heading towards her front door, Jughead signals for Sweet Pea to follow and you're on your way once more. The part of the quarry Jughead leads you to is not familiar to you and you're surprised to see the entire Serpent clan hanging around. And as you climb off the bike, waiting for Sweet Pea who takes your hand and then starts leading you towards your friends, you glance around to take in your surroundings.

A wooden walkway leads down to a boathouse just on the water, trucks and motorcycles parked all around. There are a couple of tapped kegs and barrels of fire scattered about. Between two wooden poles, a Serpent banner hangs just behind some stacked wooden pallets that FP hops up onto.

FP whistles, gaining everyone's attention. "Listen up now!" Some music that had been playing is lowered and everyone turns towards their leader. "I know some of you have recently had your opinions about the way I was running things with the Serpents." Some people boo and FP chuckles, instantly calming them. "Our image has never been as clean as it should have been and certain events led a few of us to make decisions that could have had repercussions against all of us." Some very brave individuals glance at Jughead and you glare at them until they look away. "But then an old friend of mine swooped in and changed everything." At this, some nervously glance at you.

"Some sixty years ago, the very first Serpent meeting took place on these same river banks. So I find it fitting that we meet here to introduce a new snake to the den." Everyone cheers this time, including you, though your amusement falls when FP meets your gaze head on. You freeze. Surely he's not talking about- "You all know about Penny, the Ghoulies, and Tall Boy attacking three of our own- my boy included. What you don't know is that girl," he points directly at you, "that girl right there is who took a knife to the gut avenging us. So Y/N Morningstar, come on up here."

Sweet Pea, Jughead, Toni, and Fangs start the whooping and hollering until the rest of the Serpents all join in. You're gripping tight to Sweet Pea's hand as he starts to drag you towards FP's platform, you nervously grinning at the Serpents who part down the middle to give you a path.

At the makeshift stage, Sweet Pea then nudges you up there and you chuckle nervously as you stand next to FP. He smiles at you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to keep you close while addressing the crowd again. "The Morningstars, while some of you were against it at first, helped clean up the Serpent image and helped improve the Southside when even our own mayor had given up on us. They've been a tremendous help to us and it all started with an act of kindness from one of the Serpents which then led to my release. So with that said, Jughead will you come on up and do the honors?"

You look out at Jughead, brow furrowing as Toni smirks at you while handing a duffel bag over to the boy in question. He unzips it, pulling free what looks to be a cherry red leather jacket. He holds it, scrunched up in one hand, as he makes his way to the platform. "What's going on?" You mutter.

FP releases you just as Jughead takes his place by your side. He's smiling as he inhales deeply, letting out it loudly before addressing the rest of the Serpents. "When Lucifer left, he asked my dad and I to look after his precious little princess." You scoff, punching Jughead's arm much to everyone's amusement. "And I know some of you are going to say that that's why we've decided to welcome Y/N into the Serpents, but the reason why we're welcoming Y/N into the fold is because she earned her place. She took a knife for us and got rid of our enemies once and for all. I don't know about you, but to my dad and I that makes her worthy of being a Serpent."

Sweet Pea is the first to whoop, followed by the rest of your friends and the crowd of Serpents lingering about.

"So what do you say, Morningstar? Will you don the Serpent jacket and put the fear of the devil into any person who dares smear the name of your brethren?" He asks while grabbing the cherry red jacket with both hands and shaking it open.

You smirk at him, already stripping out of your jean jacket. "As if you even had to ask."

You toss your jacket to Sweet Pea and stand in front of Jughead, placing your arms into the sleeves one at a time. It fits perfectly, Toni's doing no doubt, and you laugh openly at the roar of applause. Turning around, you hug Jughead and then walk over towards FP to offer him the same embrace.

"Who picked the color?" You ask.

"Who do you think?" He muses.

"Dad."

FP releases you with a grin, nudging you towards your friends. "Go on. We'll be celebrating tonight at the Whyte Wyrm."

You offer him one of your genuine smiles instead of the teasing one you usually reserve for him. "Thanks, FP. For everything."

"No problem, kiddo. Now seriously, go. Go have a burger and a shake at Pop's with your friends."

As you turn to hop off the platform, Toni is the first to wrap you up in a hug. "Welcome to the club! You're seriously lucky you didn't have to do the dance."

"I'd have seriously gouged someone's eye out if anyone suggested I do the dance to earn my place."

She laughs and then Fangs takes her place, you hugging him back. Then finally Sweet Pea is standing in front of you and he laughs as you jump into his arms.

"Happy, princess?"

"Ecstatic," you muse as you wrap your legs around his waist. His hands find your ass, supporting your weight as you quickly lean in to kiss him. More cheers erupt all around you, you and Sweet Pea smile against each other's mouths, and Jughead gags behind you. Pulling back, you lay your forehead against his. "Wanna grab some food or go properly celebrate at home before tonight's party at the Wyrm?"

"How about we hit up Pop's for burgers to go, burn off some calories before consuming them right back in the comfort of our own home, and then go to the Wyrm?"

"I like the way you think, Pea. Let's go."

You kiss him once more, Toni cheering you on as Sweet Pea carries you off.

"Just please don't contaminate the basement!" Jughead yells out. "I actually like it down there!"

You wave him off over your shoulder, grinning at Pea. "Who's going to tell him he's a few weeks too late? Me or you?"

"I wanna tell him when he least expects it. Probably when he's laying on the sofa and being a little shit."

"Deal."

[anais-mitchell]

a comprehensive list of every never before seen hadestown lyric revealed in “working on a song”

Note: This list will not include any lyrics from the OBCR, Broadway previews documented in audios, the London run, the Edmonton run, or the NYTW run. Only lyrics that Anaïs has never revealed before. Also, I strongly recommend everyone actually read the book and support Anaïs! It has amazing insights into the show we love. 

(Also, any ellipses mean the song just goes into the lyrics we already know)

Wedding Song

In early Vermont productions, Wedding Song did not exist; there was another duet called Everything Written.

Fates: Seven Sisters / Little Dipper / Great Bear, Hunter / Drinking Gourd / Libra, Leo / Pisces, Pluto / Venus, Virgo / Capricorn

Eurydice: Don’t it make, don’t it make you feel so small? / Orpheus, when you look up at it all? / When I look into the skies / I lose my head for scale and size / And still you’re larger in my eyes / Than any star / You pull on me like gravity / I want to be where you are

They say that everything is written / Everything written in those stars / The very lives we’re living / The very love in our hearts

Orpheus: Who could write, who could write this kind if love? / From such a height, all these light-years up above? / And all these light-years down below / I don’t need any star to show me / What my heart already knows / Eurydice / You pull on me like gravity / I want to be where you are

Eurydice: Come here

Orpheus: I’m here

Eurydice: It’s so cold

Orpheus: So clear

Eurydice: It’s so dark

Orpheus: So fair

Eurydice: Come near

Orpheus: I’m here

Eurydice: You’re there

A workshop version of Wedding Song included this exchange:

Eurydice: You have a way with words don’t you? It’s too bad none of them are true

Orpheus: It’s not a lie- It’s poetry

Eurydice: How many mouths does a poem feed?

Epic I

From 2007 Vermont:

Orpheus: King of diamonds, king of spades! / First there was Hades, king of the dirt / Miners of mines, diggers of graves / They bowed down to Hades who gave them work /  And they bowed down to Hades who made them sweat / Who paid them their wages and set them about / Digging and dredging and dragging the depths / Of the Earth to turn its insides out / Singing la la la la la la la...

Then came Persephone, Hades’s wife / Our Lady of Shadows and Meadows entwined / Made to spend half of the days of her life / Right alongside of him down in the mine / But the other half she could walk in the sun / And the sun in turn burned half as bright / Which is where the seasons come from / And with them the cycle / Of the seed and the sickle / And the lives of the people / And the birds in their flight / Singing la la la la la la la...

So it was and it might have stayed / And the sun came up and the sun went down / A circle of fourths, a perfect cadence / The serpent’s tail in the serpent’s mouth / But the strong will take what they want to take / And the weak can only tell the tale / And the king began to lay his heavy hand upon the scale / What did he want? He wanted Our Lady / To have and to hold, not half, but wholly / To love him and never to leave him again / And as for the seasons, to hell with them! / And the earth warmed over in the dead of winter / The stillborn spring lay cold beneath /  Summer gave a stormy sermon / Autumn walked in the wake with a wreath / And the people moved like weather patterns / Looking for shelter, looking for warmth / Helter-skelter the four winds scattered / The scavengers over the ravaged earth / Singing la la la la la la la...

From a workshop, presumably pre-London:

Hermes: Orpheus was a poor boy / But he had a gift to give / There was one song he’d been working on / He could never seem to finish / A song about this broken world / That he rewrote again and again / As though if he could find the words / He could fix the world with them

Livin’ It Up On Top

From pre-NYTW workshops:

Persephone: A hundred sunny summer days / Till my lover comes to find me / A hundred blooming olive trees / And a hundred grapevines climbing / Singing songs when the sun goes down / Light the fire in the darkness / Brother, pass that bottle around / And we’ll raise a glass to the harvest, it’s / Just enough fruit for the pressing / Just enough wine to fill our cups / But what we have is a blessing / It isn’t much but it’s enough

Eurydice: A hundred starry summer nights / Since my lover came and found me / Picking fruit and hopping freights / With his music all around me / Stay up late making love / All the stars are naked / Talking sweet and sleeping rough / Our bed is where we make it, there’s / Just enough fruit for the pressing...

Way Down Hadestown

From when Anaïs was 21, long before the show was even a concept:

Follow that dollar for a long way down / Far away from the poorhouse door / You either get to hell or a border town / Ain’t no difference anymore...

Suckin’ on the gristle and chewin’ on the bone / Thinkin’ ‘bout missiles and the old Dow Jones / All alone on your chromium throne /And lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely...

From 2006:

Persephone: Though I’m happy at his side / He’s not an easy man to love / I used to keep him satisfied / But lately he can’t get enough / Never enough of the mine and the mill / Never enough of his working girls / Never enough of the wall he’s building / All around the underworld / Way down Hadestown...

Orpheus: Mr. Hades is slick as an eel / Fountain pen, crocodile shoes / Quick as a snake, and he’s hot on your heels / He’ll make you an offer that you can’t refuse! / Way down Hadestown...

Hermes: Speak of the devil and the devil comes / Here comes Mister Hades now / To gather up his chosen ones / And bring ‘em down to Hadestown / Way down Hadestown...

From 2007:

Hermes: Make room, make room for Hermes, sir! / Make a little room for Hermes, ma’am / They call me a messenger / But that ain’t half of who I am 

I’m a man of influence / I’m connected up and down / And  I got all the documents / You need to get to Hadestown / Way down Hadestown...

Tired of walking in your worn-out shoes? / Tired of running on nothing at all? / Tired of standing your bets to lose? / Tired of losing? Give me a call, we’ll go... / Way down Hadestown...

Orpheus: Mister Hades got an iron fist / Step outta line and he’ll have your head / In the blink of an eye, with a flick of the wrist

Hermes: Hang around here and starve instead!

Orpheus: It’s a cattle pen!

Hermes: It’s a feeding trough!

Orpheus: He’ll fatten you up just to cut you down! / I’d rather starve

Hermes: I’d rather stuff my pockets down in Hadestown! / Way down Hadestown...

Hey, Little Songbird

Anaïs says she tried out this line in 2017 to include a more explicit “job offer” in the wake of the MeToo movement:

Hades: Hey, little songbird, gimme a song / I’m a busy man, and I can’t stay long / I’ve got clients to call, I’ve got orders to fill / I’ve got millions of souls on my payroll, but hell / I could fit you as well if you wanted

When the Chips are Down

From Vermont, 2006:

Fates: Cross my palm! Grease my chin / Can’t you see the kind of shape you’re in? / What you gonna do... ?

Wait For Me

From Vermont, 2007:

(These exchanges intercut the chorus)

Hades: Hermes! / Hermes: Hades! / Hades: Back in town! / Please, sit down / Please, relax / You’ve been around the world and back / Haven’t you, Hermes? / Hermes: I have / Hades: How’s the weather? / Hermes: Worse than ever / How’s your wife? / Hades: My wife is fine / Hermes: You’ve been spending a lot of time together / Haven’t you, Hades?

Hades: What have you brought? / Hermes: The latest crop / Hades: The freshest cut? / Hermes: A cut above / Hades: How many of them, a lot? / Hermes: A lot / Hades: A few too many perhaps / What’s this? / Why have you brought me Orpheus? / I know I never ordered that / It seems you’ve gone behind my back / Haven’t you, Hermes?

Hades: What was that? / Hermes: What was what? / Hades: I heard a voice / Hermes: I heard it not / Hades: Someone singing / Hermes: I heard nothing / Hades: Some kind of song / Hermes: You could be wrong / It could have been the wind / Hades: The wind? / Hermes: It could have been the rain / Hades: The rain? / Hermes: It could have been the train... (the train / the train / the train / the train...)

From “an early cutting room floor version”:

Fates: One (one, one) / You forget the sun

Eurydice: I forget the sun

Fates: You forget where you come from / You forget the sun

Eurydice: I forget the sun

Fates: Two (two, two)

Why We Build the Wall

Pre-NYTW:

Hermes: A lot can happen behind closed doors / With the big boss and his fountain pen / A lot of dirty deals go down / When there ain’t nobody watching...

Our Lady of the Underground

The 2006 version of the song was called “A Crack in the Wall” and these were the lyrics:

Persephone: Come and see the stars! / They’re fixin to fall / Slidin’ and a-slipping’ / In their gravity shoes / Old Man Mars / Taking Venus to the ball / Big dipper dippin’ / To the blue-sky blues

Have you forgot? / Which was is up? / I think you’ll find / I have just the thing for you / Put a quarter in the slot / You can fill your loving cup / With a little bit of moonshine / From the pay-per-view

How selfless! / The silent moon / Holding a mirror / For an ungrateful sun / Hey, Orpheus! / Are you leaving so soon? / Every night around here / Is a fateful one 

Maybe you got blindsided / Lost your papers! / Lost your mind! / Maybe you once lost an angel / Just to watch her fall / Look a little closer and / The water turns to wine / Look a little closer: there’s a crack in the wall!

So I raise my cup / To the stars in the sky / If you want a show / Go on, get in line / Step right up brothers / Don’t be shy / What the boss don’t know / The boss won’t mind

Way Down Hadestown (Reprise)

A 2013 version of this song was called “No One Now,” delivered to Orpheus, and these are the lyrics:

Fates: Used to be a blushing bride / That was on the other side / Better to forget her face / Now she’s like the rest of us / One more number in a crowd / Maybe she was someone once / She ain’t no one now

Used to be a loving wife / That was in another life / Carve it on a marble stone / Now she’s like the rest of us / One more body in the ground / Maybe she was someone once / She ain’t no one now

Brother don’t you think we all / Used to have a name to call? / A tale to tell as well as her? / Now she’s like the rest of us...

Maybe when she first arrived / So alive, so naive / All the bright lights in her eyes / All her insides fluttering (alt. Heart aflutter on her sleeve) / Maybe she was someone then / Back when Hades drew her in / Like a moth into his flame / Borne aloft on burning wings / Well she ain’t the first and she ain’t the last / Hades’ fire is hot and fast / Just ask all the other girls / Sweeping up the ashes in the underworld / See even when the flame is new / She doesn’t hold a candle to / The woman Hades truly loves / So maybe she was someone once / But now she’s like the rest of us / All used up, all burned out / Maybe she was someone once / She ain’t no one now

From the Dartmouth workshop:

Hermes (to Orpheus): If you wanna get around down here in the tank / Down here in the clink / Down here in the hole / You got to think the way they think / Which is to say, your mind is blank / Which is to say, don’t think at all / Come / I’ll show you how it’s done 

Welcome to the skeleton crew! / Welcome to the chain gang, kid / Lemme introduce you to / The members of the working dead / Old Jack Hammer! / Mister Miner / Wandering forever in the catacombs / Working on a hole to China / Diggin’ up them dino bones / Way down...

Sweatshop Sally! Missus Miller! / Workin’ in the cellar where the sun don’t shine / Sad eyed little Cinderella / Sweeping up the ashes of the summertime / Used to be one a the boss’s pets / Now she’s just another stiff / One night in the boss’s bed / And a lifetime on the graveyard shift / Way down...

Flowers

Did not exist in Vermont, but there was a brief reprise of “Everything Written”: 

Eurydice: If it’s me- if it’s me you’re looking for / Orpheus, I can’t be with you anymore

Fates: She signed in blood / She signed for good

Eurydice: I signed before I understood / And I’d unsign it if I could / But it’s too late / They say that everything is written / Everything is written in those stars / Even these lives we’re living / Even this love

Fates: Seven sisters...

Papers

Pre-NYTW:

Hades: Let me see your papers, son / Let me see your documents / Or could it be that you have none? / You’re on the wrong side of the fence...

If It’s True

Pre-concept album:

Orpheus: If it’s true what they say / If there’s nothing to be done / If there’s no part left to play / If there’s no song to be sung / If it’s true what they say / If there’s no stone left to turn / If there’s no prayer left to pray / If there’s no bridge left to burn / If it’s true what they say / I’ll be on my way / If it’s true what they say / Then I have lived a lie / They can take the sky away / Take the stars out of my eyes / And my face will be a mask / And my heart will be a stone / And I’ll throw away the past / And I’ll go away alone...

How Long?

Pre-concept album:

Persephone (to Hermes): Brother Hermes, god of speed / Put your feathers on his feet / Hasten his delivery / Keep him hale and whole / Brother, I’m a jaded woman / But there’s something in his singing / And it feels like spring a-comin’ / To the winter of my soul 

Brother Hermes, god of speed / Put your feathers on his feet / Hasten his delivery / Keep him safe and sound / He reminds me of the lover / That I was when I was younger / Back before my heart went under / Undercover / Underground

Chant (Reprise)

Dartmouth Workshop, 2014:

Hades: And in this symphony of mine / Are power chords and power lines / Which I arrange and orchestrate / And every day I dedicate / The magnum opus of my life / To my unkind, ungrateful wife / Persephone, and she shall see / Her name in lights on my marquee / And every night, another show / My symphony will never close! / And she shall have a front row seat / Which she shall never, ever leave! / Young man, you can strum your lyre...

Epic III

Vermont:

Orpheus: The strong will take what they want to take / And the weak can only tell the tale / And the heart of the king loves everything / Like the hammer loves the nail

The heart of the king is iron and steel / The heart of the king is the color of rust / The heart of the king is soldered and sealed / The heart of the king is a tinderbox / That he has to keep under lock and key / That it not catch fire inside his chest / Cos a lover’s desire is a mutiny / A lover’s desire is a wilderness 

But even that hardest of hearts unhardened...

(I just have to say I fucking love this imagery of a fire oh my god)

Lover’s Desire

Anaïs once set the original Lover’s Desire melody to lyrics around the area of Wedding Song:

Orpheus: Lover, can you hear me? / I’m asking for your hand / Your hand for better or for worse / Forever / Whether you’re sick or well / For rich or poorer, to have and to hold for as / Long as we both shall live

Eurydice: Lover, can you hear me? / I’m asking for a hand / A hand that’s steady and strong / To lean on / To catch me if I fall / That’s the hand that I’ll have and I’ll hold for as / Long as we both shall live

Word to the Wise

Early workshops:

Fates: Hey / Hey / Hey / It’s judgement day! / Are you gonna let ‘em just walk away? / What you gonna do... ?

Wait For Me (Reprise)

Vermont:

Hades: Hermes!

Hermes: Hades!

Hades: Time to go / Time to bring this to a close / Time to lay this thing to rest 

Hermes: Orpheus?

Hades: Orpheus / It’s all agreed / We’ve struck a deal / He’s free

Hermes: He’s free?

Hades: He’s free to walk

Hermes: And she?

Hades: To follow at his heel / And she, to follow at his back

Eurydice: Wait for me, I’m coming...

Hades: And she shall follow at his back / And she shall follow in his wake

Hermes: And what’s the catch?

Hades: The catch is this: / He shall not turn to see her face / And if he turns, the game is up / The deal is off, his race is run / And that’s the end of Orpheus / You’ll see it done?

Eurydice: Wait for me, I’m coming...

Written at an unspecified time but never used:

Hermes: A poor boy and a hungry young girl / Walking single file / While the music played / Brother, they looked for all the world / Like they was walking down the aisle / On their wedding day

We Raise Our Cups

The show once ended with an alternate song called “Cloud Machine” in Vermont, the lyrics of which Anaïs says she is embarrassed by:

Orpheus: What have I done? Mother, what have I done? / Squandered the gift that you gave me / Gambled with Hades and Hades won / And there’s no song now that can save me 

Mother, I failed! Oh Mother, I tried / And I fell like a fool would fall / And I left my love / On the other side / On the other side of the wall

(Alt. There’s a crack in the wall / It’s a little bit wider / It’s a little bit wider, that’s all)

Persephone: Come, my son, don’t take it so hard / Everything is forgiven / You have done naught / But to play out the part / That the Fates in their wisdom have written

Orpheus: Raise up the curtain! The crowd goes wild! / The Fates are drunken clowns / All of us dreamers are walking the wire / While they juggle our dream around 

Apollo, come down in your cloud machine / Apollo, come swallowing fire / With your thunder and lightning and kerosene / For the Fates and their funeral pyre

Persephone: Come, my son, we try and we fail / Every tail has an end

But the pale dawn breaks / And the snake eats it’s tail / And the tale begins again...

[blooddrop-palace]

DMC-OC-Week Day 2

(I’ve decided to share more Picrew for the ones I have Picrew images for. Welcome to day 2!)

Day 2 - Connections to the Cast

Seraphina Valkyrie - 

My version of “the lady in red.” Nero’s mother, Vergil’s brief moment of human connection. A Holy Knight, though she was regarded more as a rogue knight… not so different from how Nero was treated. She took a risk to banish demons who were after her and her just-born son, and the risk took her to hell, leaving Nero behind. 

“Am I crazy? I suppose you can call me that. I have enough sense to know that other people will find it not normal that my reaction upon finding a stranger in an alley that could cut down demons with superhuman ability… was to invite him to my apartment, give him a place to stay for a month, try to challenge him to a duel, and then invite him to my bed. But what can I say? Many Fortunans feared me because I tamed a devil arm. Most men I knew were cowards who feared a woman with claws. How could I not become infatuated with a man who did not fear me?”

Kassandra King - 

A girl with some demonic ties who visited Redgrave to check out what was up with the tower that appeared “a while back.” Had a fling with Dante… and the results lead to other things. 

“I’ve always dreamt of having a knight in shining armor. It’s not that my brothers aren’t nice, but they are my brothers. To find someone from outside of the family who would be willing to learn about you, and let you learn about them, and for them to want to stay with you and raise a family with… it’s a fairytale. And I want that fairytale…”

Arabella -

In an AU where Nero is ¼ human and ¾ devil, Arabella is a “Great Winged Serpent” devil whom Vergil met in Fortuna. She allowed him to take her on a journey as a devil arm, and after the Temem-ni-Gru, she talked him out of immediately seeking out Mundus, and offered to teach him how to properly survive in Hell, first. This agreement got a little… tangled up in other things… and the next thing Vergil knew, he woke up one day and Bella was coiled around him and an egg.

“Humans call love to be the most powerful emotion. I would have to agree with them. The idea that I would ever want to leave my secluded life guarding my territory and stop chasing out every trespasser was unthinkable. I liked my loneliness… until Sparda taught me how to be better. But it wasn’t just Sparda. I had a lot more to learn, still. And so did Vergil. We make a good match, don’t we? And Nero would grow up learning of the power of love, too.”

Snow King - 

The “results” of Kassandra’s fling with Dante. Following near-canon, she never got to meet Dante until post DMC5. She will come to meet Nero and Nico first, and perhaps that’s for the best. 

“Mad? At Dante? It’s my mother’s own stubborn fault that she wouldn’t tell him! But that’s an old song and dance already. If anything, I feel kind of bad for Dante. I really want to have a connection with him, but it’s probably a lot for him to take in now that I’m grown. The first thing I want to talk to him about is how he’d like to handle my mother, not me. If they can put a case closed on that, then maybe mom can just… stop feeling guilty and let go. After that? I guess if he lets me call him “dad”, I’ll be content enough.”

Noel - 

What if Vergil and Dante’s positions had been switched? Dante ran out to the park and nearly died, believing that no one will ever help him, he will never believe in or rely on anyone else again, and set out to “become a devil if he had to so that he will never rely on anyone else again.” Vergil, saved but an amnesiac for his younger years, regrets everything about pushing his brother away when he recalls his past, and after losing more people who showed him kindness, decides he must do what he can to protect what little he has left. So, who is Noel, then? Well, she has a devil bringer of copper-red tones that glows honey gold, and grew up in Fortuna. Does that shed some light? (She also eventually fesses up to a relationship with Credo. Well, more like Credo finally asks her if she’ll allow courtship.)

“I can’t BELIEVE my dad! When Uncle V drags him back, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind! No, I don’t want to hear it, Nico. I’m mad right now, can’t you tell? No, I’m not crying. Shut it will you-- Devil May Cry-- Fuck. Oh, hey there Credo. Lady and Trish safely back at the shop? It’s still standing? Cool. Hey uh… NICO! Saviour, are you trying to kill us? Oh, fine. Hey, we’ll pick you up with a delay, okay? No, don’t trigger just to get to us. It’s just small fry. Yeah, see you soon. I got work to do.”

Anthony and Caesar - 

(Nope, still don’t have images for them. Picrew isn’t working today.)

What if Kassandra got in contact with Dante after she found out she was pregnant? And came to live at DMC? Well, everyone around Dante would be in for a surprise when he starts to work his ass off to make a comfortable home for the new little princess in his life, but the bigger surprise is that he doesn’t stop there with Kassy, and they become a family of five. Tony and Caesar would be rambunctious twins, of course, but Dante would make sure to do right by these twins. Being a family of part-devils, of course, he will not avoid teaching them how to fight. Tony will find himself equipped with an axe and a pair of gauntlets when he becomes old enough, and Caesar was gifted with lighter weapons of a scythe and a pair of deadly shuriken. This might sound familiar to some people~

“Our family? Yeah sure, Caesar and I have lots of family! Just from mom’s side alone we have 7 cousins!”

“Within our own family, we have our older sister, Snow. And when we were about… 14 or something, dad found our cousin, Nero.”

“...Dad never said anything ‘bout having a twin brother before. It was kind of a shock.”

“I think meeting Uncle Vergil was probably the more shocking thing. He’s, uh…”

“Abrasive?”

“I was going to say broken but yes, he’s a bit abrasive, too.”

“Well I guess that explains Nero’s reign on his attitude.”

“Does it really? Sometimes I think you’re kind of like Nero, too.”

“Eh. I mean, in the end we’re all family. Dad’s happier to have his brother back. I get it. Mom thinks Uncle Vergil will figure out how to deal with the human world over time. And if mom thinks so then yeah! Sure!”

“I would rather believe that it will be for the best, yes. After all, if you got yourself into trouble due to your own stupidity, I would still want to help you.”

“...I still can’t believe you voluntarily allowed yourself to get locked up with me for a night when I stole a motorcycle because I got cornered by a demon and had to get away. I get it, bro, we got each other’s backs, but jail isn’t fun.”

“You get into too much trouble. Someone has to keep an eye on you. Dad can only do so much to get you out of trouble.”

Tony groans. 

[salparadiselost]

Incubus AU- Alternative Scene

This is an alternative version of the first scene in the last chapter of “Let the Devil In”. I had originally written it in Tim’s POV, until I decided I needed it to be in Damian’s POV. 

So yeah, here’s an alternative version in Tim’s POV. Not all the details match up because some things got changed in the final version, but I figured some people might enjoy it!

Story Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151114

“I will not remain at the bottom of the pack,” the little demon hissed, and the sound rang dangerously in Tim’s ears. It had lost the annoyance, and now held a tone as sharp as a snake’s fang. “because I’m going to put you there.”

Damian struck and it was only Tim’s Robin training that saved him from getting a knife to the throat.

Unfortunately, if did mean that he got an angry demon ramming into his shoulder. The kid ploughed into him like a truck, knocking him from his feet and making him fall messily on the ground. The landing was awkward and sent a sharp pain up his arm that told him he might of just broke his wrist. He couldn’t deal with that though, not with a small ball of fury about to bring his knife to Tim’s throat again.

The Luciferean smiled in cruel glee, slashing the weapon forward. Tim jerked to the side, twisting to his feet and barely missed another attack.

But before he could really gain his balance, or figure out what the hell was going on, the little demon was on top of him again. Tim blocked another jab of the knife and swung his foot out to catch the demon. The Luciferean had to twist to avoid the leg, and it gave Tim an opening to smack the knife out of his hand and send it flying across the room.

“You’ve been trained,” Damian noted, jumping out of Tim’s arm reach to circle him from a safe distance. Tim held his hurt wrist to his chest, trying to ignore the slices of pain coming from the limb.

Tim accessed the little demon warily, turning so his back was never to Damian. “What the fuck are you doing?” he snarled, and he flinched when the sound was more human than demon.

“I’m challenging you and taking a better place in the hierarchy,” he said nonchalantly, even though his eyes were anything but careless. He watched him like a serpent preparing to strike.

“And you’ll do that by killing me?” Tim said incredulously, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Damian scoffed and the sound was as cruel as his knife’s edge. “I do not intend to kill you, sex toy. I intend to make you submit. You are nothing but a weak excuse of a weak species of demon.”

Tim couldn’t completely hide his flinch, and Damian’s smile widened. “And you know that, too. You know that you’re just an inferior little plaything that Todd is keeping around for entertainment.”

“No, I’m not.” Tim snapped, trying to growl like Jason did, but his body betrayed him, and the sound came out cracked.

Damian snorted at the pathetic attempt. “I can’t believe Todd thinks I will bow to the likes of you.”

Tim opened his mouth to say something else, but Damian launched himself at Tim.

Tim tried to dodge, but Damian was prepared for it. He grabbed Tim’s already hurt wrist, and yanked, using Tim’s momentum to topple him back on to the floor. He had felt an internal pop, and when he hit the ground, agony sliced across his dislocated shoulder. Damian pressed his small weight against the injury and made it scream in pain.

Tim choked down a sob, and the little demon’s confidence seemed to crumble for a second. Suddenly, the Luciferean was a kid again. Just a scared kid who was desperately trying be a part of a pack and didn’t understand what he was doing.

“Damian,” Tim said, fighting to keep his voice even through the pain. The boy’s weight on his shoulder lightened and the younger demon stared at him with wide eyes. “You don’t need to do this.”

“But I do,” Damian insisted, and Tim could see frustrated tears in his eyes. “Todd hates me. I need to show him that I deserve to stay. I’m not weak.” “This isn’t the way to do that.”

Damian hesitated, before suddenly his gaze steeled and became knife sharp. “This is the only way.” He growled, pressing into Tim’s shoulder with renewed viciousness. He howled as pain screamed through his arm.

“Submit, sex slave,” Damian yelled above him, his tiny face twisted. “Just submit already.”

“No,” Tim spat. He tried to flip them, using his greater weight to pin the boy, but Damian sharpened his hand into claws and ground them into Tim’s shoulder. Five knife slices scorched his skin and Tim spasmed in pain.

Panic rose in his throat and made his breath stutter. The fear that his adrenaline had been keeping at bay, suddenly roared to the surface, threatening to overtake everything.

The kid didn’t seem like a kid anymore. 

He was a demon.

A demon with the intent to cause him pain and rejoice in it. A demon that wanted nothing more than to see him whimpering on the ground. A demon that only wanted to win and crush Tim under his foot. 

Be careful of the Luciferean. They only want power, and they don’t care who they hurt to get it. 

Jason was right and now Damian was going to make him pay in pain because of it.

The demon over him tasted like victory and instead of being sweet, it was sour enough to choke. 

Desperately, Tim scrabbled for the bonds in his chest, thinking that maybe he could get someone’s attention if he yanked them hard enough. 

“No,” Damian commanded, voice hard, “None of that.” 

Then, Tim’s bond with Damian felt like it was on fire. It burned. It scorched. It made Tim feel like he was being burned from the inside out. 

He screamed as his world was swallowed in agony and flame.

“Submit,” hissed the demon in his ear, “submit to me, incubus.”

Tim couldn’t even think past the pain to answer.

Where was his pack? Where was Jason and Dick and Bruce? Why weren’t they here?

He keened and it was a long, painful sound that came the back of his throat. Then, there was a growl, much too deep to Damian’s and a yelp. The weight that had been digging into his shoulder was suddenly lifted, and there was a crash across the room. “Get the fuck off of him,” Jason snarled, and the sound reverberated through Tim’s bones.

Tim struggled, his hands trying to find purchase on the polished wood below him, and he let out another whining keen because he wanted Jason to save him. 

His brother’s growl impossibly deepened, becoming heart-stoppingly dangerous. Tim had never heard a more comforting sound. He wanted Jason to come here and take him away, to curl him under his chin and make everything safe again. 

Please, Jason, come.

“I told you to stay away from him, Luciferean.”

The smaller demon was crumpled on the other side of the room (had Jason thrown him?), but then stood in a single fluid motion. He stuck his chin up in defiance, spine as straight as a soldier.

“Todd, I have defeated this lesser demon in combat, and I wish to advance my place in the pack hierarchy.”

There was a long pause and then suddenly, Jason was laughing.

The sound was scary and full of menace. It was so deep and cutting that only an adult demon could have made it. The confidence in Damian’s stance cracked a bit.

“I told you if you put one foot out of line that I would break your pack bond,” Jason purred, stepping forward. Damian took an equal step back, his mouth falling open. “And this is more than a fucking step. I should have known never to trust you. You don’t deserve to be pack.”

The little demon flinched, his face spasming between keeping his stone face and melting into disbelief. “But, I, it was to impress you.”

“You thought torturing my little brother would impress me!” Jason yelled, everything in him was furious. Damian tried to take another step back, but he hit the wall. The little demon cowered away, and Tim could feel the fear coming off of him.

“That’s how,” Damian tried to defend himself, “That’s how you earn your place.” “No, it isn’t!” the oldest demon rose to his full height. “But it does make me reconsider your place to begin with.”

Damain’s eyes widened in horror as Jason began to say the words that chilled Tim to his core. They weren’t even directed at him, but they still spoke to Tim’s deepest fears. 

And apparently, Damian’s too if the pure horror on his face was anything to go by.

“Damian, as the Heart of the pack…”

Tim felt the bond between him and Damian sink into heart-breaking resignation and the hollow loneliness that Tim knew like the back of his hand. The loneliness was so sharp that felt like Tim’s own and he realised he couldn’t let this happen to pack.

“Jason,” he said, his voice quiet, until he repeated louder. “Jason.”

His older brother paused in his words, and glanced at Tim. His brother’s anger was still there, but underneath was that ever-present undercurrent of sibling protectiveness. 

“Don’t do it,” Tim commanded, shakily getting to his feet. His side was on fire and he grit his teeth through the flare up of pain. “Don’t cut his bonds.”

Jason startled, eyes blinking in disbelief. He looked the obviously injured Tim up and down, clearing not understanding why he would say that. “Tim, he hurt you. He manipulated his bonds against you.”

“I’m fine,” Tim isn’t, even though his shoulder screamed in protest. “I’ve had worse hits on patrol.”

Jason didn’t look convinced but he backed away from looming over Damian. He edged over to Tim and caught his face in his hands. Jason searched his eyes, fury gone and replaced with worry. 

The earnest expression on the feared vigilante almost made Tim chuckle. Figures, that his older brother would go straight into mother-henning mode. Dick was rubbing off on him.

“Are you sure?” Jason whispered.

Tim hummed and gave a reassuring little chirrup out of pure instinct. Huh, he hadn’t even realised he could make that sound. 

The noise seemed to relax something frantic in Jason, though, and his older brother rubbed his forehead against Tim’s.

“Alright, let’s go find Dickiebird and Alfred, so we can get you fixed up.” Jason began to motion around Tim, practically pushing him out the door. Tim rolling his eyes at the manhandling, but allowed his brother to fuss over him.

Before Jason could shove him out of the room, though, Tim looked back at the smaller demon. 

Damian was curled against the wall, staring at them in shock and disbelief, like he couldn’t even comprehend what he was seeing. He was crouched, partially obscured with shadows, and his eyes gleamed. Tim had the sneaking suspicion that it was because of unshed tears.

Tim felt the bond between them, weak, but definitely there. The kid was miserable and the emotions around him were a noxious mix of fear, disbelief and confusion. It made something inside Tim whine and want to bundle the kid up, even though he had literally just put a knife to his throat. 

When Damian saw Tim looking at him, his emotions immediately shut down, sealed away completely from Tim.

That didn’t matter, though, Tim saw the emotions shining through the kid’s teary eyes. 

“You stay here,” Jason barked to Damian, making the kid flinch back. “I’m coming back later to deal with you.”

When Tim looked up, he saw that Jason’s eyes were all demonic ire. A chill ran down his spine and he felt a fear for Jason that he hadn’t felt since Hood had cornered him in the Titans Tower.

He felt sorry for the small demon. 

He just hoped Jason would find it in himself to give the kid some mercy.

---

Check out the full story at https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151114

Cheers!

[nyarmand]

my ranking of the alex rider original series (stormbreaker through scorpia rising) from ‘book i least enjoy rereading’ to ‘book i most enjoy rereading’ let’s goooo

spoilers for all 9 books under the cut

9. Ark Angel

...He went to space. He went to space. Also the entire plot could have been avoided if Drevin had actually bothered to provide a photograph of his son. I’m sure he had one. I still like this book but it’s literally so insane that I just don’t know what to do with it. 

It is however really funny that Webber just goes and gives a speech insulting this super high-profile ecoterrorist group and acts like it’s no big deal and then they kill him. Shock of shocks.

8. Skeleton Key

Okay, points to this book for terrifying the shit out of me. God damn it does that shark scene scare me. Also, points for making me feel a little bit bad for a man who wants to nuke his own country because he thinks it will fix the place up. I’m still not entirely sure how that’s supposed to work, but that’s probably a good thing. I feel like understanding his thought process would say bad things about me. Still, I actually did feel sorry for him, if only a little. Dude was clearly mentally unstable and I doubt his son’s death helped at all. I also got sad about what happened to Carver and Troy. (Yeah, yeah, I’m a cringe fail American who has the American release. So sue me.) What a nightmare that must’ve been to endure... Otherwise, though, I’m not super into this book. The opening is just kind of meh and the way it leads into the rest of the plot seems a little bit unbelievable. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but Sabina annoys me. I would not get along with her at all and I can’t imagine her as a girlfriend. Skeleton Key does, however, absolutely excel at the emotional scenes. 

Also, why are all the spy agencies so comfortable with sending in a 14-year-old? Especially when they outright admit that the other attempts have all died horribly? Bureaucracy’s a bitch.

7. Point Blank

Boo, Dr. Grief! Boo! We hate your white supremacy! I’m so glad you got a snowmobile to the face, you deserved it. (Perks of books written by Jewish people--we aren’t afraid to give the neo-Nazis an unpleasant death.) Anyway, this book definitely isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t really say it stands out in the series. It definitely does hammer home the point of just how trapped Alex is, since MI6 isn’t going to just let him go after one mission, and let’s face it, the plot with the clones is creepy as hell, if highly improbable. But I’m largely just here to see the neo-Nazi get snowmobiled. That’s right, I just completely changed the definition of a pre-established word. I’m a rebel.

Also, I hate Fiona Friend so much and overall think she just didn’t need to be in the book, but the line about ‘I’d rather kiss the horse’ made me laugh so hard. Alex, you sass.

6. Snakehead

Okay, let’s talk about how genius the plan in this book is. I love it! I love how Yu wants to kill the people involved in the peace conference without making them into martyrs, so he comes up with this whole elaborate plan to stage a natural disaster. It’s incredible. This dude was thinking so far ahead. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid... But anyway, I don’t see a lot of books where the villain really acknowledges that killing their enemies could just cause more problems for them via turning them into martyrs for a cause. Also, the way he’s so polite and soft-spoken while also being a complete monster... This book genuinely gives me chills. Extra bonus points for the part in the hospital, the absolute nightmare of having all your organs slowly removed and sold off and everyone around you is being so nice about it? ‘Oh, don’t worry, Alex, it won’t be so bad. Here, take your medicine. Do you need anything?’ Literally just. What the fuck. 

Also Ash can fucking fight me. You put your own godson in horrible danger on purpose! You killed your best friend! Bastard. 

...And just in case the book wasn’t disturbing enough, Yu’s fate at the end lives in my mind rent-free and I think about it on a concerningly regular basis considering that the chances of that happening to me are so low they’re practically in the negatives. Damn you, Horowitz.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention just how much I love the tagline ‘once bitten, twice spy’.

5. Crocodile Tears

Ah yes, the book that kickstarted my drift away from the church... I kid, of course. I drifted away from the church for completely separate reasons. But Desmond McCain is always going to scare the shit out of me. The ability to kill countless innocent people while blissfully quoting Bible verses (that he takes wildly out of context and uses for his own self-serving means) is... well, I could actually say a lot about what that reminds me of, but I’m here to rate books, not religion. Moving on. This book has some really stellar antagonists, and the plot is chilling in a way that feels a lot more realistic than most of the other books. Even if some of it is a bit farfetched (sabotaging a nuclear power plant? Really?), the idea of using disasters for your own profit... well. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on why that is so believable. The Poison Dome is also a really cool and chilling scene--even Alex, who has the luck of the devil, can’t get out of that one unscathed. Further scares come in with the fate of Harold Bulman--imagine having your entire existence wiped and your identity changed while you were asleep! The breakdown he has over it is almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, even though he was ready to exploit a teenager and make his life a living hell just to turn a profit. Note the word almost.

Also. The opening makes me cry. Specifically the line talking about how Ravi’s kids would ‘never meet Mickey Mouse’. I lose my goddamn mind every single time I read it. That little personal touch turns the scene from a statistic to a tragedy. Once again: Damn you, Horowitz.

4. Stormbreaker

Yeah, this one gets the special cover shot. And why not? What we are looking at here is the birth of a legend. Move the fuck over, James Bond, Alex Rider is on the scene now. Anyway, yeah, this book is pretty damn spectacular. It has its stumbles, but as the first book in a series, that’s to be expected. Still, it pulls you in from quite literally the first line and keeps you going right up until the end. (If you came here from my post of memes, you know how much the line ‘Killing is for grownups, and you’re still a child�� destroys me.) It has the debut of much-beloved characters such as, of course, Alex--but also Jack Starbright, and of course, the best MI6 agent of them all, which is to say Smithers. Hell, even Yassen Gregorovich, especially once you get through Russian Roulette... Man, that was a rough one. 

Seriously, though. This is a really good book. The scene with the Portuguese man-o’-war still gives me the chills to think about. (Have you ever looked up pictures of those things? They’re beautiful, but holy shit will they make you regret being born. Nature is funny like that.) 

We also get the introduction of, of course, Alex’s patented sass (his response to Sayle saying he relates to the man-o’-war is HILARIOUS) and we get the inherent humor of Alex screwing up an alias one time and then just going by Alex for the rest of the series so he doesn’t do that again. Really, kid, I know you’re not a trained spy or anything but did you never play pretend growing up? Ever? You can’t pretend your name is Felix for a little while? That sounds like a you problem.

3. Scorpia Rising

I distinctly remember when this book came out, actually. I was on vacation at the time, and I remember my brother annoying the hell out of the poor workers at a bookstore we frequented there to see if/when they were going to get it in. They did, finally, and we bought it immediately, and I was of course absolutely desperate to read it. He got to read it first, though. -_-

This is a great book, an absolute emotional rollercoaster all the way through. The way Blunt tricks Alex back into service by staging a shooting was exactly the kind of cold, brutal behavior I’d expect from him. Seeing Julius come back was shocking, but very exciting, too. And Razim makes an incredibly chilling villain, with his absolute disregard for human life and his desire to measure pain. Also, seeing Smithers’s house was so much fun. Smithers in this book was just really fun in general, but he’s really fun in every book, so... nothing unusual there. But also, I want an unwelcome mat. Please?

2. Eagle Strike

‘But Penny,’ you might ask, ‘why is this book so high on your list? It has so much of Sabina in it, and you said she annoys you.’ That is true. What does not annoy me, however, is basically the entire rest of the book. I love the tense opening, and then reading through Alex’s real-life ‘playthrough’ of Feathered Serpent is still one of my favorite scenes. Cray is absolutely incredible as a villain, with the way that he truly believes in his cause--which is undoubtedly a good one! Yet the extremes to which he will go for that cause, and the fact that he very nearly succeeds, are what elevate him to one of the most dangerous villains in the series. That scene with Charlie Roper and the nickels is something I can never seem to stop thinking about. Actually, I think about it basically whenever I think about large amounts of money paid in small increments... 

Also, I really enjoy how he gets into the whole plot in the first place, and I really enjoy Smithers saying ‘ah, fuck it’ and helping him out anyway. Go, Smithers. You once again prove me right in saying that you’re the coolest adult in MI6.

The revelation that Yassen knew Alex’s father is one that absolutely blew my mind first time around. The way his life was threaded into the lives of the Rider family--he worked with John Rider, was saved by him, killed Ian Rider, and then died for refusing to kill Alex Rider--wow. Wow. It gets to me. It really gets to me. This book is a masterpiece. I heard that it’s going to be what the second season of the TV series is based off of, and I’m so hyped for that. We love to see it, we really do.

1. Scorpia

I don’t believe anyone who says this book didn’t get to them at all. I just think they are lying. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to not be affected by this book. God. Just thinking about it reminds me of why I don’t think it’s possible. I mean, come on. We get all this backstory about Alex’s parents, we get tricked along with him into thinking MI6 killed his father, then bam, that was a lie, and Alex may have just fucked himself over big time. Also, that plot is terrifying! (And I bet anti-vaxxers had a field day with it, huh.) Julia Rothman is a really great antagonist, one of the only ones who didn’t go and explain her plan in great detail to Alex--the fact that she didn’t actually being a plot point was something I personally found pretty clever. In general, this book is... I tend to hate when people say they ‘can’t put it down’ because it’s usually an obvious exaggeration, but that really is how I feel reading it.

And again. If that ending didn’t get to you... Well, I just think you are lying.

[sparkie96]

Number 28 out of the angst prompt list, but with my own little tiny twist: "Billions of people in the world, and you chose me, how stupid was that" (for VergiLeon)

("Billions of people in the world, and you chose me, how stupid was that" (for VergiLeon) Ohhh possible angst! Or maybe...Nero’s first real Halloween and he isn’t aware of his Mama and Papa’s bickering...or is Vergil really there at all?

Also, sorry for the late Halloween piece! And late piece in General! With the holidays around the corner, and work picking up, I've been busy. And the uncertainty of another lockdown has Me mentally exhausted, but I'm sure everyone else is as well.)

“Mama, look how much candy I got tonight!” Nero exclaimed as he dumped his candy out onto the living room floor. 

“I know! Cousin Sherry and Aunt Claire and Uncle Chris know all the best Candy Spots!” Leon chuckled.

Leon sat down on the floor and helped Nero sort through his candy. The little boy had dressed up as a dragon, saying that he wanted to be “scary but cool” in hopes to get a lot of candy. Leon went with the logic and him, Chris and Claire had looked all over the place for a costume. Jill ended up being the one who found the perfect one for Nero, and thus, had been the one to help Nero get a lot of candy. 

At least that’s what Leon told Nero, who now loved his “Aunt Jilly Bean”. 

Currently, they had just gotten home after a long night of Trick or Treating around Washington DC. Leon would occasionally glance up at Chris, who was in the process of setting up the DVD player so they could watch “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”. Chris cursed as he accidentally poked himself with a thumbtack that had fallen back behind the entertainment center. Leon chuckled as Nero scolded Chris for swearing, Chris laughing as well and apologizing to the four year-old. Leon shook his head, looking up at the man sitting on the couch, reading his book. 

The Omega did a double-take once he realized who it was sitting there, “...Vergil?” 

“Hm?” Chris hummed as he peered over at Leon, “You say something?” 

Leon looked between the two, “Do you...can you…?”

“He can’t.” Vergil merely replied for Chris, not looking up from his book. 

“Can I what?” Chris asked, “What’s up?” 

Leon was confused for a second, looking down at Nero’s devil arm. It didn’t glow like it would when trouble was nearby...or like that one time when Vergil came to say goodbye...so...what was Leon seeing here?

“It’s, uh...it’s nothing.” Leon lied, eyes looking to where Vergil clearly was sitting but evidently, Chris didn’t see him. 

“Oh, alright.” Chris replied with a shrug as he went back to setting up the DVD player, “Are you okay, Le?” 

Leon nodded and lied as he gave a smile of reassurance, looking back up at the now empty couch. Leon released a breath that he hadn’t even realized he had been holding. Maybe he was a bit tired from walking around all night? Maybe that was it? Although Halloween was known for its odd supernatural occurrences...and recently, although still a bit of a skeptic, Leon did believe in superstition and luck, maybe this was Vergil sending him a sign? Maybe…?

“Got it!” Chris cheered victoriously, Nero cheering as well, “Charlie Brown is a go!” 

Leon shook his head with a laugh, “Alrighty then. I’ll go make some popcorn.” 

“And juice?” Nero asked, “Please?” 

“And juice.” Leon said, ruffling Nero’s hair before standing up to head into the kitchen, “Maybe Uncle Chris can help you sort out the rest of your candy?” 

“As long as he doesn’t eat all the Hersy Bars!” 

“Darn!” Chris snapped his fingers once he got the DVD going, kneeling down next to the little boy and proceeding to sort his candy. 

Leon couldn't help but smile at the sight, watching a minute longer than necessary before going about retrieving the popcorn and drinks for their movie. Once he rounded the corner, the Omega jumped at the sight of Vergil standing in the middle of the kitchen. Leon did a double take from the position that the man had been in before to where he currently stood in the kitchen. Leon swallowed down a lump forming in his throat, looking over the...well, he didn't even know what this was supposed to be. 

"Interesting choice of mate, Little Mouse." Vergil observed before turning his full attention to the Omega, "But, I don't think he would be good enough for you or Nero, if I'm being completely honest."

Leon blinked at that, "...What?" 

"He's a mere human. You deserve someone stronger, more powerful to protect you and our son." 

"You don't think he and I can protect Nero?" Leon asked, "Not that you're really here anyway...but I can take careful of myself and Nero. I'm not weak and helpless. And if something happens, Chris is here too." 

"But he's a mere human." Vergil repeated, "You are enhanced with the Yamato. He is not. If a demon attacks…" 

"We'll handle it." Leon emphasized.

Vergil, or whatever this was supposed to be, was quiet for a moment, looking Leon over with a look of skepticism before looking back out at Chris with the same look. 

"I am unsure of him still." Vergil admitted, "You...are not like the other humans. That is why I chose you." 

Leon laughed aloud at that, not caring if Chris and Nero heard, "How? Billions of people in the world, and you chose me. The guy with the worst luck. How stupid was that?" He chuckled with a shake of the head, "Why? I'm like everyone else."

"You are wrong." Vergil said, "You are not like the other humans I have met. You are untouched by Greed and selfishness. You give and protect. You sacrifice your own safety for the sake of others. You could have fled Raccoon City and left Claire, Sherry and that Ada woman to die...and even the others...but you didn't." 

Leon listened as Vergil continued on, saying that most humans would have fled and not stayed to help the other survivors. At least, that was what occurred with most humans he had encountered. Leon also was not interested in obtaining power of any kind, choosing to survive and fight via his own will for survival and skill. Most humans Vergil had dealt with personally chose to strike deals with devils such as himself in hopes to obtain immortality or power beyond their wildest dreams. 

"Yeah, but I struck a deal with you and got the Yamato." Leon pointed out. 

Vergil shook his head, "Our deal was to help your friends and the other survivors. Not conquer the rest of humanity. Yamato chose you in Raccoon City. Therefore, I bestowed the Yamato onto you so you could hide it and use it to keep our son and others safe. Yamato simultaneously protected and prolonged your life in your battles."

Vergil explained that, although he himself had abused its powers, Yamato didn't work for just anyone. It was a reflection of his father and his power. Much like Mjolner in Norse Mythology, Yamato only worked for those worthy enough to wield it. 

"And that is you." Vergil finished, "Which is why you need someone to protect not just Nero, but you. If you fall to an enemy and into the wrong hands, so too does the Yamato." 

Leon turned to look at him, looking deeply into his eyes, "I know...that's why I try not to use it. I already had one too close for comfort calls with those guys from "The Order" or whatever. I also hide Nero as much as I can, my boss even has a private school Nero can go to when he's old enough. I think Chris can help us because he's got ties to the UN. He can go places I can't and get us out of here in a pinch." Leon stopped as he remembered one tiny detail, "The only thing is…" 

"If you leave, so does Sherry Birkin's safety." Vergil finished for him, "And that's why you're still here and not in hiding." 

Leon nodded, "I can't just abandon her…" 

"And what of Chris and his ties?" 

"The organization he's working for are looking into loopholes and researching how to get her and I out of this hellish contract." Leon explained, "I struck a deal with a different kind of devil to keep her and Nero safe." 

"The only downside to being selfless." Vergil mused, "Is that you fall into the serpent's pit without a rope or a ladder." 

"...Yeah." Leon agreed, scratching the back of his neck. 

"You can always kill them." 

"What? No!" Leon protested, "I can't kill anyone in the US Government! Then we'll really be in trouble!"

[ashbelero]

Obey Me!

~Theology Corner 2

✨Seven Princes✨

You guys seemed to really enjoy my last theology exploration into Obey Me! So I thought maybe I’d do a little more. Part 1 - https://otomeman.tumblr.com/post/618068151319543808/obey-me-theology-corner-so-we-already-know

First, why am I into theology/what qualifies me to talk about it? Not a lot. My dad’s a pastor but I don’t practice, and a lot of this comes from Catholic canon, which I’m also not associated with. But I find the whole thing fascinating and I’ve read a lot about it because quite frankly, this shit is an aesthetic. Anyway, let’s move on to deep dive #2.

We’re all very familiar with the seven brothers of the Devildom and the story that says they were angels who fell from heaven (except Satan who is made of rage and angst). Now, that IS true about Lucifer, the eldest... But I found myself wondering why the others were chosen for that role. Had Beelzebub ever been an angel in church canon? Why were these demons chosen for the seven seats out of hundreds of others? Was it just because they had cool names? And were they really associated with their respective capital sins?

Let’s start with the idea of the seven brothers first. Yes, there are seven demons considered to be the seven Princes of Hell. Specifically, the model that Obey Me! uses is from classifications of demons written in the 16th century.

Around this time period, theologists were very into the idea of creating a hierarchy of demons in hell, with most agreeing that Lucifer is definitely their leader. Originally, I thought they had gone slightly off of the text The Lanterne of Light, written in the early 15th century, which is among the first that names the princes of hell and their associated sins. The Lanterne’s princes are:

Lucifer (Pride)

Beelzebub (Envy)

Satan (Wrath)

Abaddon (Sloth)

Mammon (Greed)

Belphegor (Gluttony)

Asmodeus (Lust)

Seeing this, my first thought was that they’d taken this model and worked off of that. We can see some of them (Lucifer, Mammon, Satan, and Asmodeus) are in line with the game, but Beelzebub and Belphegor have different sins associated with them, and Abaddon is nowhere to be seen.

But after further digging, we find that there’s a later, although apparently less-used, text written in 1589 by Peter Binsfeld, a German bishop and witch hunter (badass, but he was actually kind of nuts). Binsfeld’s classification, known as The Princes of Hell, not only names the seven that we know but also the same sins they’re written with, in this order:

Lucifer (Pride)

Mammon (Greed)

Asmodeus (Lust)

Leviathan (Envy)

Beelzebub (Gluttony)

Satan (Wrath)

Belphegor (Sloth)

Okay, so this is clearly the source material they used - the only slight difference is the brothers’ birth order/seat order. Interestingly enough, this also seems to be the material used in Supernatural season 3 and on (which I haven’t seen). Could the developers have picked it up from there? It’s entirely possible.

Now what does Binsfeld’s classification say about the demons, and were any of them ever considered angels at some point?

First of all, the demons were not just representative of their respective sins, but also the primary source of temptation to those sins. Their entire job is to tempt humans and get their souls into hell. That doesn’t necessarily seem to be a concern to the Obey Me! crew, but then again... we are the ones coming back to play this game every day. Maybe they’re on to something after all.

Now we’ll go one by one through how the Princes of Hell are represented. This is a bit more difficult because not only are translations of Binsfeld’s work rare, but it’s hard to track down the original texts at all. Some of this is speculation, some is based on similar writings of the time.

- Lucifer -

Lucifer is the easiest to find info on, and the one who most canons seem to agree on. Some biblical texts use Lucifer as another word for Satan or the Devil, but considering Satan is a separate entity in Binsfeld’s text, we can assume that’s not the case here. I’m not gonna go into history or origins at the moment; that a story for another day. But the parallels between the game and mythos are pretty basic: Lucifer was the first angel to fall from heaven after attempting to restructure power, and is now the ruler of all demons in hell. This is close to our lore, with the only difference being that Lucifer actually serves Diavolo - but there can’t be any doubt who’s in charge among the brothers.

- Mammon -

Mammon is an interesting demon in that he wasn’t personified as an actual demon until much later in theological history; the word “mammon” simply means money or wealth. I’d love to go further into mentions of Mammon as a concept and sin in the bible, both old and new testament, but let’s stick to this for now. However, we can find stories that describe Mammon as a fallen angel - the reason for his fall being his obsession with the gold paving Heaven’s streets over his love of God. As a demon, he tempted humans to sin through promises of wealth. Our Mammon doesn’t seem to be very good at that.

- Asmodeus -

Asmodeus, or Asmodai in some translations, was almost always a demon of lust in Judeo-Christian theology, and featured prominently in the stories of Tobit and Solomon - Ooh, sound familiar? We’re not going into Solomon’s connection to the game today, but later. It’s not altogether clear how Asmodeus tempted humans to sin (aside from a lot of interrupting weddings by killing the groom), but later depictions show him as a beautiful young man with a limp... this limp being caused by the fact that one of his legs is a rooster’s. (Yeah. Can you imagine? I assume our Asmo got this fixed up somehow.) He’s only ever mentioned as being an angel once, however - by Pope Gregory in the 6th century. There’s no other implication that he was ever fallen. So that’s an interesting note.

- Leviathan -

The most interesting thing to me in Leviathan’s appearances is that the gigantic sea-dwelling demon is often considered not only the water parallel to the land-dwelling Behemoth, but also... female. But while this is in a number of depictions, there’s also hundreds of others. Leviathan was a figure in many religions, although these all seem to simply point towards the sea serpent rather than the demon or Prince of Hell. In catholic theology, he was said to pose a threat to all of God’s creation by devouring it, or swallowing it up in the waters of chaos. It wasn’t until the 13th century that Leviathan was given the role as a demon of envy by St. Thomas Aquinas; this was the version used by Binsfeld, placing Leviathan in charge of punishing the envious.

- Beelzebub -

Beelzebub is another one whose lore is pretty expansive, known by many names and titles. He was commonly associated with disease, though some biblical references to him as a Philistine god say that his title as Lord of the Flies was because he kept the flies away from the sacrifices laid out for him. He’s incredibly prominent in theology and tends to take on the roles of many other demons depending on the text, even being synonymous with Lucifer, Satan, and Mammon at times. Binsfeld’s classification is the first and one of few that assigns him to gluttony, where in others he represented envy or pride more commonly. The idea of him being a fallen angel seems to originate from the Testament of Solomon, but this also associates him with the morning star and appears to be another that interchanges him with Lucifer.

- Satan -

Fittingly, there is a massive amount of overlap between Satan and Lucifer in theological records. Both are described as a fallen angel that rebelled against God and subsequently was cast into hell to rule there in numerous different records. But there’s a lot more references to Satan in the bible than there are to Lucifer - possibly because satan was simply a Hebrew word meaning “accuser” or “adversary”, where ha-satan was more of a definite article to refer to the demon prince himself. In Christian translations, these were usually merged into one. Surprisingly, it’s hard to find any specific descriptions of Satan as a prince of hell; at the time of Binsfeld’s writings, he was mostly viewed as an object of witchcraft, a generalized devil, and often a subject of mockery in a good deal of entertainment media. Not hard to understand why he’d be associated with wrath in this case, as he was by many other classifications.

- Belphegor -

Belphegor’s lore is all over the place. He’s originally described as a demon who seduces people to him by suggesting ideas for inventions to get rich off of, though Binsfeld writes of him as one who tempts with laziness. His etymology is similar to Beelzebub’s, sometimes written as Beelphegor, roughly translated to “Lord of the Gap/Opening”, though it’s not abundantly clear exactly what this title means. It’s possibly because of this naming connection that he and Beel were written as twins. He’s also another one of the princes who was commonly depicted as a beautiful young woman when he appeared in the human world. Looking into beliefs around Belphegor outside of Christian theology turns up some... interesting details, but we’ll gloss over those for now. In a rare depiction of him as a prominent figure of hell, he was sent out to the human world by Lucifer to confirm whether or not it was possible for humans to live in married happiness; ultimately, Belphegor decided this was a groundless rumor. This could be something referenced in his hatred of humans in the game.

So that’s what we know about the brothers based off of one of the more obvious source materials for Obey Me! In future Theology Corners, we’ll explore the demons as depicted in the Testament of Solomon and what the King of Israel has to do with our highly suspicious bishie sorcerer.

[leechonspeeddial]

Midnight Shift: The Serpent at Burger King - A Seduction of Kevins Summary: The Devil comes disguised as everything you want, Alice Cullen comes with fondue fountains and Bugattis. wc: 1.7k Read on ao3

There was one simple lesson I learned from a young age and quickly internalized while living as a Cullen.

Never play chess with a psychic.

You think a mind reader is a problem? No, you just have to add on geographical distance and then you're back on an equal playing field; as long as you keep apart, you can use your best strategies and winning is still possible. A psychic though, there is no distance you can go to be hidden from their sight. Once they get their teeth in you, your odds at winning are – for a lack of a better word – shit. So, as I held Alice's gaze at our local Burger King, I reminded myself this one very important rule.

Never play chess with a psychic.

Too late.

If you did find yourself playing chess with a psychic, the best course of action would be to become irrational and flip the board. You might not win, but neither would they and you'd save yourself the effort. I took a deep breath and assessed the situation. There were currently five humans with ten pairs of working human eyes at the restaurant; flipping the board would be disastrous, either people would die or they'd bear witness to vampiric activity. So that's out of the question, next strat.

Though Alice had gotten used to reading around the blind spots caused by me, she hadn't totally mastered it yet. My best choice was to act without thinking and take over the conversation as much as possible. That, well, that I could manage no problem.

"Well, well, well. What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Assistant Manager?" I addressed Gay Kevin, hoping to also neutralize Jasper. Mr. Emotional Roofie was another obstacle here, trying to goad my coworkers so that they emotionally overwhelm him was my best shot. "Showing up two hours late to your shift with no warning?"

Gay Kevin looked exhausted.

"Please, not in front of the customers," he sounded embarrassed. Not Kevin snorted and took the interruption as an opportunity to make Milkshake boy his drink and get away from Alice. Meanwhile, Straight Kevin hopped over the counter and directly headed towards the old fries – if we didn't do our duty to eat them, they would be thrown out.

I also took notice of the guy that came in with the Kevins; he was shorter than Gay Kevin but slightly taller than Straight Kevin, he had thick black hair, but more importantly, he carried a video camera with him. He observed us, brown eyes full of amusement, and I sincerely hoped he was a vlogger.

"They aren't customers," I chirped with a predatory smile.

"I am a one though," Milkshake boy frowned. I waved him off.

"You're Not Kevin adjacent. You don't count," Gay Kevin looked increasingly irritated despite Jasper's attempt at giving chill vibes. He crossed his arms.

"So, what's this? You decide to throw a party while I was gone?"

I was about to retort when Alice interrupted me. I glared.

"There IS a party involved, but not here and not right now. Alice Cullen, nice to meet you, I'm –"

"Resentment's sister," Alice scrunched up her nose but nodded.

"Yup! And I came here to personally invite you, other Kevin, and Not Kevin to Nessie's party"

"You said you were born on 9/11," Straight Kevin's said accusingly with a mouth full of fries.

"It's not a birthday party," Alice tried to clarify, only to be drowned out by Not Kevin.

"You were born on 9/11?" I turned to address him and realized he was making Milkshake boy a chocolate shake, ruining all the hard work I put into my performance. Today was definitely not my day.

"I mean, yeah, but not like 9/11 9/11. I'm only 16," Not Kevin nodded but then his eyes widened as a realization seemed to hit him.

"Oh fuck. I forgot that was 20 years ago…"

"I wasn't even born 20 years ago," Straight Kevin added and it seemed to act as a punch to Not Kevin's gut.

"God, you guys are babies. I remember my parents picking me up from kindergarten early and being glued to the news for the rest of the day," Gay Kevin's statement also appeared to have a negative effect on Not Kevin, making him look even more miserable. Camera man looked like there was no place he rather be. Alice, well, she looked endlessly irritated.

"I feel so old" Not Kevin whispered, shell-shocked.

"You are old. What are you, like 50?" Not Kevin glared at me.

"What's 9/11?"

I blinked. Everyone went quiet and stared at Milkshake boy, who looked very confused. No one spoke for a full beat.

"Jack's 19 and, uh, Canadian," Not Kevin shrugged helplessly and said as if that explained everything. He handed the kid his milkshake.

"Hey, I thought there weren't any Oreos –"

"ANYWAY," Alice said loudly and we all looked at her, "it's not a birthday party. It's more like a celebration of Nessie's first job. Our family would love to have all of you for dinner"

"She means that we'd love to have you at the event. Not that we want to eat you for dinner," Jasper added unnecessarily and made me want to face palm. So, I did.

"I wasn't worried about possible cannibalism when she said it, but now I am," Straight Kevin took a wary step away from Jasper. Alice rolled her eyes.

"There will be plenty of free food and you can take as many leftovers as you want with you," Straight Kevin seemed to seriously consider this.

"I'm in," Alice handed him a pink envelope and smiled. Fuck.

Improvise.

"Speaking of customers. We have one right now," I pointed at Camera man, "so we can't deal with you right now," I tried to push Alice out the store but she held her ground.

"I'm also not a customer," he shrugged, "I came for the rats"

Shit.

"Tài…don't do this" Gay Kevin pleaded.

"My hands are tied. I promised my audience," so he was some sort of vlogger. This was admittedly the only good thing that has happened today.

"See, he's not a customer. I can stay," I groaned at Alice's smug tone.

"Technically, you're both loitering. So, neither of you should stay"

"I agree with the Assistant Manager"

Alice and I stared down at each other while Camera man and Gay Kevin had a silent conversation with their eyes. For the next while, the only sounds that could be heard in the restaurant were Straight Kevin loudly chewing, Milkshake boy slurping, and Olivia Rodrigo's drivers license playing on the speakers.

Suddenly, Not Kevin snapped his fingers, drawing our attention to him.

"You know, it occurs to me that since both Kevins are finally here, I can take my break. Come on Jack, I'm taking you home," he quickly made his way around the counter and grabbed Milkshake boy. "I'll make sure to call if I'm somehow two hours late," I smirked at Alice as her eyes narrowed. I greatly encouraged any action that made her look like that.

Milkshake boy tilted his head and didn't let himself be dragged out of the joint. I had half a mind to help Not Kevin.

"But dad said to –"

"Your dad will be ok with this as long as you don't set the house on fire. Again" Milkshake boy frowned.

"It happened once. I said I was sorry"

"Yeah, yeah. Come on bud, time's ticking"

Finally, that seemed to get Milkshake boy moving and heading to the door.

"Don't forget your invite!" Alice called out.

"We're good," Not Kevin responded with a hand on the door and the other pulling the teen along.

"Did I mention there will be a fondue fountain?"

Not Kevin hesitated by the door and I could only feel horror as my stomach dropped. Not Kevin was weak for cheese and cheese related by-products.

"Chocolate or cheese?"

"Both," I held my breath. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fucking fair.

"Shame, I'm on a diet"

"You aren't –"

And they were both gone before Milkshake boy could finish calling out Not Kevin's blatant lie. I fist bumped the air and stuck my tongue out at Alice, fully intending to gloat over this minor victory.

That is, until I saw Alice smiling.

Fucking psychics.

"What's got you so smug," I snarked, hoping to get a hint of whatever vision she just had. She smirked and I could tell she could see right through me. So much for not playing chess with psychic.

"I had a sudden revelation that everything will be alright," her eyes twinkled with mischief and, not for the first time, I was very jealous of Edward. Why the fuck did he get the mind reading powers? Tactile thought projection was so stupid and useless the majority of the time.

"You're so fucking annoying"

"I prefer the term persistent," I'd prefer if she was set on fire. "Which reminds me, hey boys"

Camera man and Gay Kevin stopped doing whatever the hell they were doing and paid attention to Alice, who was holding up one her dumb little pink envelopes.

"What do you say, a chance to eat fancy rich people food and see some fancy rich people cars," Camera man turned to Gay Kevin.

"Babe"

"Is this like, appropriate. Professionally speaking," Gay Kevin scrunched up his nose trying to figure out the etiquette of this weird ass situation.

"I'm more than happy to take you guys on a spin in my brand-new Bugatti"

"Babe"

"Why does this feel like bribery?" Gay Kevin narrowed his eyes at Alice, he seemed incredibly suspicious.

"Because it is," I growled and attempted to set Alice on fire with my stare.

"And I fully admit it. I just want to throw a good party, and guest are a very important part," she stretched out her hand towards Camera man, "think about it, that's all I ask"

Camera man and Gay Kevin shared a look, and Camera man grabbed the envelope. Ugh.

"Wonderful! Remember to R.S.V.P., we'll leave you to it," she waved and grabbed Confederate hubby.

They walked away and I could hear Alice speak, her voice far too low for human ears, but just the right volume for me.

"There's been a change of plans, we're meeting up Esme"

I scowled. I knew it was bait, I knew Alice wanted me to hear her, and it was driving me insane. Why would they need to see Esme? Why would Alice want me to know this?

I fucking hated my life.

[lineffability]

// and the angel said unto them, do not be afraid // Luke 2:10

Aziraphale was in a good mood. Which was sort of his State Of Being, what with him being an angel and goodness incarnate and generally Holier Than Thou.

That was the way he liked to think of himself, anyways. He didn’t like to look past that thin, fragile layer into the burning depths out of which he had been forged. His goodness was the crust of the earth, the protective layer that made life possible on the surface.

What lay beneath was both life-giving and deeply destructive. Like God herself, in that way. Shaped in Her image.

Hellfire was not the most cataclysmic force around.

Like most angels, it was a part of him he kept under lock and had mostly forgotten (denied). Aziraphale had worked hard to shape himself into who he wanted himself to be. Who he had consciously chosen to be. 

He was a being of love, at the end of it all. 

And the things he loved and surrounded himself with were like the homemade, cross-stitched fabric of his soul: food and books and warm colours; softness and fondness and contentment; and Crowley. 

(Woe betide the fool who might try and rip a hole into this fabric, to snatch a thread and force it to unravel--to reveal what lay neatly tucked away underneath.)

Currently, Aziraphale was in particularly high spirits, because he had struck a most pleasing book deal, and was on his way back to his shop with a pack of chocolates under his arm, and was also very much looking forward to Crowley returning tonight from his little trip over to Wales where he was wreaking some Moderate Inconvenience for old time’s sake.   

He entered his shop with a smile on his face: a smile that died when he saw the tall, broad man clad in a perfectly-fitting grey suit standing right there in the centre of the room, waiting for him on the carpet that he knew hid a rather occult chalk sketch. 

“Gabriel.” Aziraphale fixed his bowtie, smiling a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “This is a... surprise?” 

Behind the angel, Aziraphale could see the answering machine blinking at him from under a pile of books--an ugly device, really, but Crowley had pestered him to get one set up so much he had to give in at some point, that wily old serpent--and his thoughts involuntarily wandered off to the demon. Not exactly an appropriate moment. 

“Aziraphale!” Gabriel smiled his business smile, play-punching Aziraphale on his shoulder as he came up to him. The angels had kept their distance ever since The Hellfire Incident; this was the first time Aziraphale had seen the Archangel since that day, a few months ago now.  “Old boy! Just dropped by to update you on some stuff; keep in touch, right? Well, anyways, about the demon Crowley--”

Aziraphale straightened, lips parting slightly. 

“--well, about him, you’ll have to manage without him for a bit, nothing serious. No harm done, right? Well, no permanent harm, anyways.” He laughed, as if he’d made a little joke. He had, only Aziraphale was not in on it yet. 

“What?” Aziraphale’s voice sounded weak to his own ears. 

“Oh, come on! You know we’re big on vengeance!” Gabriel beamed. “Of course, we honour our agreements, but a well-placed little discorporation has never hurt anyone, now, has it? Actually, scratch that, it hurts a little. Anyways, we acquired some fine murderers--aren’t humans just great? Murder by purchase, hilarious! They should be on their way to eliminate his earthly shell as we speak, just wanted to let you know.”

Aziraphale was barely listening anymore. The red light of the answering machine glowered at him from the depths of his consciousness like beastly eyes in the dark, its happy promise turned to bone-deep, spine-chilling dread.

Crowley, discorporated? His knees felt weak. 

"Oh don’t look so upset, now. He’ll be back in no time, the paperwork only takes a few years down there. Anyways, I gotta run, duty calls, and--”

He stopped dead when he caught the look in Aziraphale’s eyes.

Aziraphale had never looked at him like that. Perhaps Aziraphale had never looked at anyone like that. Gone was the pudgy little man with eyes so blue they must’ve been taken right from the perfect sky of a picture book. He looked like rainclouds, like a cold desert, like a stormy sea about to come crashing down to drown the entire world. He looked like The Fury Of God, and Gabriel took a step backwards, involuntarily. 

But just as suddenly as it had come on, the wave subsided (but oh, the dark sea remained). “It has not happened yet, you say?” His voice sounded strained. 

“Oh, no,” Gabriel started, but Aziraphale, staring at the floor, merely snapped his fingers, and the Archangel disappeared as the carpet below him incinerated and the chalk beneath glowed white.  

Another snap, and the answering machine started playing by itself. 

“Aziraphale!” A chipper voice piped up, and the angel suddenly felt so scared he wanted to sink down onto the floor. “So, I was wondering, since I can’t quite recall--was Wales one of yours or ours? I mean,” and here he laughed, “I do know who’s responsible for Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch--still proud of that one. Anyways, come over to my place tonight at 7, I’ve brought you some bara brith and a bottle blanc de blancs.”

The rest of the tape ran empty. “Dammit, Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered, trying to convince himself that he was not about to cry. He rushed to the phone, and picked up the receiver. The right number started dialing by itself. 

The clock showed 6. 

“Angel? I know you miss me, but--” 

“Crowley! Oh, Crowley!” Aziraphale closed his eyes, the relief was so big. 

“--really, gotta be patient only a little while longer.” Crowley’s voice was mischievous, a sentiment that currently went right over the angel’s head. “I still got some business to attend to in Hackney.” 

“Wait, are you back in London?!”

“Oh yeah, just about to meet up with some shady people, y’know, my favourite kind, they wanted to strike some sorta deal and--oh, gotta go!”

“Crowley, wait!”

“Toodeloo!”   

The line went dead, and Aziraphale, aggravated, threw the receiver down. It fell to the ground, so he picked it back up and put it on the holder, angrily. He felt like swearing. 

He had to get to Crowley. Before they did.

Crowley was expecting nothing. If they really were trained assassins, and if they acted fast enough, there was a real chance his demon was in serious trouble. 

It took half an hour to get from Soho to Hackney by cab or public transport. For a human. 

Aziraphale had been out of shape for six thousand years, but right now he didn’t have time to acknowledge that fact. Reality would just have to deal with it. So he ran. He ran as if the devil was on his heels, even though it was in fact quite the opposite. After a few steps he was barely touching the ground anymore, while an Old power deep inside him reared its tired head. Nobody took notice of him, nor of the flash of white feathers that flickered in and out of existence around him as he moved, ever faster, dragging his body along for the ride.

Ten minutes later he stood in a dark alley, gasping for breath as he tried to put himself back together: literally; rearranging his atoms and reattaching the patches of Soul that had spilled over like water out of an overflowing cup, like cotton out of a crude and frayed doll. 

He was close enough now, to feel him. Could sense the demonic aura. 

(That was good, right? That meant he still had an aura.)

It didn’t take long to track him down. 

Through a broken fence and along a wall full of horrendous graffiti and towards the entrance of an abandoned warehouse. It was a truly sinister place; no person in their right mind would meet up with strangers here. Except Crowley was no person (and quite possibly never in his right mind.)

(I don’t have a right mind, angel, Aziraphale could almost hear him say, I have a wrong mind. And I’m very much in it. Duh.)

The doors crumbled before him, evaporated into thin air that he could feel against his wings. He hadn’t bothered putting them away. 

“Crowley?” he called.

And Crowley turned around, surprise on his face, and as if they had been waiting for this moment the two people he was now facing away from drew their guns. 

Two shots echoed through the empty hall. 

They never reached their target. Aziraphale lifted his hand, and for a moment everything stopped. The wave of his righteous fury came crashing down all over again, and this time there was no stopping it. When reality resumed, the bullets had found new targets. 

With twin screams, the two henchpeople went down and writhed on the ground, their kneecaps shattered. When they looked up, they wished they hadn’t.

All they saw was bright white blinding fury, a vast nothingness so incomprehensible to the human mind that it burned their eyes and their souls, and inside that nothingness a million eyes staring right through them. There were whispers, in that place, echoes and ghosts and memories of worlds, and as the angel spread its wings they started screaming. 

They stopped, abruptly, when the demon Crowley let them fall into merciful unconsciousness.  

“Angel, that’s enough.”

The sound of Crowley’s voice reached him through a haze, and Aziraphale faltered. He turned towards the demon, and saw shock and worry on his face.

Crowley saw something else entirely: He saw Both. There was Aziraphale, tired and dishevelled and unbearably horrified and so very Human; and there was Aziraphale, blinding and manifold and unbearably Holy, and not human at all.

“Aziraphale,” he murmured, “it’s enough, now. It’s okay.”

And Aziraphale closed his eyes, and stood there as the light receded, and when he opened his eyes he was One again. And he looked terrified. 

“Oh, Crowley,” he said, and his voice almost broke, it sounded so feeble. “You’re, you’re alright.”

Crowley, on the other hand--now that he had his angel back, he knew it, saw it--looked at him... almost a little smitten. He stepped closer, steadying the angel before he could ask. Though he tried to look Casual, he still scanned the angel’s face intently, until Aziraphale looked away. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” he finally said, and after another moment: “Should I thank you?”

“Better not,” Aziraphale answered with a weak smile. “I could get into all sorts of trouble...”

Crowley smiled: faintly, softly. (Almost, very almost, he touched a hand to the angel’s cheek.)

“So, care to tell me what this is all about?” he asked instead, carefully circling around Aziraphale, his touch never quite leaving him.

Aziraphale pressed his lips into a fine line. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Silence settled around them, and both their gazes landed on the poor unconscious souls lying in a heap on the ground. 

“Well uhhh, alright, then,” Crowley spoke up, “So... Let’s get you home? I still have that sparkling wine in my Bentley, y’know the one.”

“Wait.” Aziraphale sighed, taking a few exhausted steps towards the two murderers acquired by Gabriel. “Do not be afraid,” he murmured as he took to healing their knees, “ When you wake up, you migth want to re-evaluate your choice of profession. And try not to believe what you saw.”

(Forgetting, he knew, was impossible. They would have to carry this burden for life. As did he.)

Crowley stood waiting, and then wordlessly walked by his side (his arm brushing against Aziraphale’s now and again, close enough to offer comfort with his presence, but keeping to himself.) He wasn’t quite sure what to make of this situation, wasn’t sure what it all meant, but he knew Aziraphale well enough to give him time.

He’d always needed time.

As they stepped outside, someone was waiting for them.

He was Gabriel--but not quite. A few inches smaller, a little lop-sided, with less of his perfect hair on his head. He looked like he’d been run through a pastry machine. And he looked pissed.

“You’ve really done it now, Aziraphale,” he snapped. “Discorporating an Archangel! Look at the fucking body they gave me!”

“You what?!” Crowley wheezed, incredulous and, not to his credit, looking absolutely delighted. 

Aziraphale cleared his throat, and straightened his shoulders, and suddenly looked like his old self. Like his softness was his armour. 

“I thought, despite everything, that you were still one of us... but I must have been wrong.” Cold anger sat deep in Gabriel’s eyes, and behind that, hidden, something like disappointment.

Aziraphale opened his mouth, instinctively, ready to go No, no, of course I still am, but then he glanced sideways at Crowley. And that was that. He knew.

They were still His Side... but right now, though he would never say the words out loud despite it all, there was only one thought burning inside him and it was:

Fuck My Side.

“No, I don’t suppose I am.” He said it as if he was realizing it only as he spoke, and a part of him did. Another part had known it for a long, long time. He looked Gabriel right in the eyes, holding his furious gaze with his own. 

Beside him, he saw (felt) Crowley’s head snap around, just impercetibly, a motion so small that Gabriel would never notice, but Aziraphale did. Behind his sunglasses, Crowley’s eyes had gone wide. 

So this was it. The moment he had been so very scared of for so very long, but now that it was happening he suddenly was not scared anymore at all. Determined, he took a step forward, positioning himself slightly closer and slightly in front of Crowley. He thought he saw the demon smile softly, for just a second, a little unsure twitch in his cheek. 

“I would appreciate it if you never did that again,” Aziraphale said, and somehow it sounded both like a polite request and a Threat. 

And Gabriel, The Trial still present in his mind--the image of Azirapahle standing in Hellfire and basking in it--thought he saw that same Aziraphale again now. The Archangel smiled, a short and humourless smile that was mere acknowledgement, and then he snapped his fingers and was gone. 

Crowley waved after him, a little wiggle of his fingers that he very much enjoyed.

Aziraphale felt all his strength leave him, yet at the same time he’d never felt stronger in his life. He exhaled, trying to wrap his mind around all that had happened. He had truly chosen his allegiance once and for all, and he knew it was the only decision he ever could have made. 

The power that had so forcefully reminded him of its existence, never quite forgotten, still tingled beneath his skin, but it was only a soft stream now, and Aziraphale gently led it back down. The fabric of Himself was still intact. With a little smile, and an even littler glance to the demon by his side, he clasped his hands contentedly in front of his stomach. 

Aziraphale knew who he had to thank for that. Wily old serpent, always meddling in his affairs. He’d better never stop. 

“He’s a real jerk, that one, isn’t he?”

Aziraphale gasped, looking scandalized, and completely missed the irony of that. Then he grinned, and laughed, and looked at the ground and then back up into Crowley’s face, a little unsure. 

“I guess you might, on occasion, have a point,” he conceded.

He smiled broadly, warmly, one of his best smiles, and Crowley, a little stricken, reciprocated. Suddenly nervous, he took off his sunglasses and tried to clean them with the hem of his shirt, before giving up and slipping them into his pocket, as had been his (very secret) intention all along.

They locked eyes, in the twilight, and almost seemed like bashful teenagers, ready to come of age but feeling very shy about it.  

“What’s this horrible feeling all around here?” the demon asked suddenly, looking around. “It’s making my stomach all upset.”

“That would be love, my dear.” Unadulterated.

“Oh.” Crowley said nothing more. 

But his hand brushed against the back of Aziraphale’s, just lightly grazing it, and the angel, as if by serendipity, turned his hand to face his--not quite taking it, but letting their fingers touch, and not pulling away. 

_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_;_

tagging the people in the OP who sounded like they would want to be tagged: 

@idinink @aangelphale @ohblessit @armoredavengers @e3105eb @ineffable-bisexual @cake-cow @snake-in-the-bookshop @crowleysscaredplants @the-best-pilot-in-the-resistance @crowleys--angel @qfantasydragon @aduckwithears @jesuisfabulous @azirafuck @snakecrowleyy @foolish-principalitee @crowleyraejepsen @azfellandco @on-our-own-side @imlowercasemad 

[enithinggoes]

The witch’s teachings, Lesson 3: darkness law can’t reach

The next weeks were quite calm, Though the witch and me traveled every day we’d almost always make camp by the time the sun set. “The night holds all kinds of dangers, no need to expose yourself to what you’re not prepared for,” Morgana would say, and we’d eat roots and small animals we’d find on the land. She didn’t say much unless prompted when we ate, rarely disclosing anything about herself.

Instead, my master spent the time teaching me how best to treat burns, how to deal with wild animals and unstable spirits without incurring their agression, how to protect oneself from evil eye and breathe deep and slow to keep calm in the face of danger, all useful skills, certainly, but hardly what would usually be called spellcasting. The more Morgana spoke, the more I was conviced of her being separated from the people I’d known before not by a connection to some strange other world, but by her understanding of the world she, I, and everyone else shared.

That was until we came unto a town, like any other I’d seen along our travels, with the exception of the three sturdy horse drawn wagons parked on the outskirts. They were armored and painted in crimson, two of them had windows, the other had none and seemed even more fortified than the others, they all had a lock on the back doors that looked like a golden sword with its hilt up making it look like a cross.

At the sight of the wagons my master seemed to shudder, I looked to her face and her eyes were sharp like those of a serpent before it lunges, her teeth gritted in what I couldn’t know to be fear or rage. We moved closer to the town and I could see the men around the wagons, they wore lavish gold and purple painted armor and brandished finely painted as they conducted the wagoners, from that distance I couldn’t be sure but I thought they were telling them to wait here until they got back.

Morgana didn’t give them a chance to head into town, in fact, after putting me down and telling me to “Please trust me, wait here and make no noise” she was quick to confront the one who seemed to lead them.

She made no noise as she approached him, so he seemed surprised when she said “Inquisitor, you have one minute to open that wagon.” Pointing to the one with no windows.

His surprise gave way to astonishment wich gave way to hate, “Witch! Seize her, men. Be careful, this one seems especially devilish!” He barked out the orders and the other men with swords approached slowly, trying to surround my master.

Morgana gave a resigned sigh and took off her gloves, “well, I’d be a fool to have believed there was ever a way to do this without any bloodshed”

The inquisitor pointed his blade towards her black hands, bellowing what seemed like a practiced speech, “Ah! A mark of the devil! Truly, the taint of sin goes deep within you, prepare to be-.” He stopped speaking as Morgana moved in the blink of an eye, before I knew, her right hand was over his face. A faint light seemed to come from her palm before I saw something I would never, could never forget. With a booming sound a straight line of flame burst  out of her hand, completely engulfing his face for a moment. There was a horrible scream, and when the fire dispersed, where once there was skin, hair and eyes now all that remained was loose muscle  a horrible shade of red and parts of skull jutting out, his jaw seemed like it was about to fall off without the flesh to hold it in place.

I returned to my human form reflexively, almost throwing up from the shock, I’d seen Morgana face monsters before, decidedly inhuman creatures, and even when she’d killed them it wasn’t like this, it felt dispassionate and clean, like disposal, this was decidedly murder. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t, something about me was still compelled to try to understand, to see what she was doing when her arms glowed up to her elbows and in the time it took the six armed men surrounding her to break out of the panic  the death of their leader had put them in, she’d already brought out her own shortsword and slit two of their throats.

The last four charged upon her, their blades raised, but Morgana merely put her hands in front of her in the shape of a tipped over jar, and from their palms sprung a jet of flame that burnt the cloth parts of the knights’ clothing and melted the metal into their skin, one managed to dive into the grass in time to avoid the flames, she must have looked terrifying as she stood over him and kicked his blade away, fire still dancing in her hands.

“Please stop! It’s done, you don’t have to kill them all! What are you even doing? What have these men done to deserve this?” I yelled, I  had been very hesitant to question my master, but I had never seen her behave so violently, it staggered me to my core. I approached her, I still wanted to believe in her, of course, wanted to learn of a good reason for this, but I couldn’t wait until it was done to ask, I needed to know now.

She turned to me as if awaking from a trance, like she’d totally forgotten I was there for a while, she looked down on her hands and stammered for a second, like for the first time since we’d met she was at a loss for words. As I stared at her confusion I was alarmed to realize the man behind her had gotten up  and drawn a knife and was beginning to throw it at my master. I had to make a choice, in this moment, after what I’d seen, did I trust the witch, was I sure that saving her life right now was a good thing to do, let alone something worth risking my life for?

Without much time to think, I simply shouted “Behind you!” and attempted to protect her from the knife, it pierced my left hand, getting painfully stuck through my palm and almost hitting my chest behind it. In a flash Morgana’s black hand shot a thin beam of light and heat over my shoulder which pierced the last knight’s chest, leaving him to fall down limp to the floor.

I clutched my hand in pain, and Morgana moved in front of me, she’d lost that predatory look in her eyes, and now seemed genuinely troubled by my injury. “Let me see that. It’s gonna be okay, let me take this out and bandage it up, I’ll stitch it up later.” She said as she did what she could to help me now, even using a bit of fire on the tip of her finger to cauterize the wound, causing me to wince a bit.

She could read the questions in my eyes, so she moved towards the windowless wagon, left completely out of the chaos that had ensued just seconds prior, the driver had run away with but a look from my master. She put her hands on the sword ornament that served as a locking mechanism for the back door and I could see the metal heat up and start to lose its shape.

I heard a terrible scraping noise, similar to rocks being pushed against each other, as long, splintering cracks appeared in Morgana’s forearms and I saw her face contort momentarily in pain. Nevertheless, she persisted, and her hand soon went through the center of the door, allowing her to pull it open with a grunt.

Inside I saw 4 women, crouching on the corners in the dark, like an animal that tries desperately to hide but is terribly aware of their vulnerables. I could see why they would be conditioned to adopt prey-like behaviour, their arms, legs, bodies and faces had purple and red scars from beatings and cuts. While two of them seemed to be adults, one was seemed elderly, with long gray-white hair and seeming to tremble non-stop, her body was frailer than the others, another was a child, desperately clinging on to a woman that seemed to have taken it worse than to others, possible protecting the child as best as she could. I was speechless, so that’s why Morgana treated this so differently from past encounters, this didn’t feel like hurt born from irrational anger, fear or even animal instincts, this wasn’t an accident or a mistake, it was evil perpetrated with only apathy and full awareness as these women were treated worse than animals, they looked hungry and sick, on the verge of death.

“It’ll be alright now, my familiar will take care of your injuries and we’ll give you something to eat and drink down the road, but for now we must go, or they’ll come for you, the less people remember your faces, the higher your chances out there,” said Morgana, the hatred was gone from her voice, she now sounded caring and worried, but there was still some sterness in her voice making clear the direness of the consequences if her advice was not to be imediately heeded.

Once we were away from the town, far enough away that we could no longer be found among the tall pine trees, Morgana asked the women who they were and what they  wanted to do now. The elderly one was a village’s guiding sage, accused by the inquisitor of omen speaking and practicing dark magics for using the wisdom her age had granted her, “my children need me,” she said, and there was a firm strenght to her voice, like that of a weeping willow, thin and shaking, but never ripped from its roots, it was clear she knew they might chase her once more, but she was strong and she would endure.

There was a seamstress who knew that her and her child’s real crime was to have been succesful and accrued modest wealth without marrying or joining the church, she knew her old home would have been ransacked and sold by now, so she couldn’t go back. Morgana proposed that the seamstress and her daughter could move into the house I used to live in, when I apprenticed under a doctor not truly long ago, in a way, this made me happy, a bit of me felt sad for abandoning that little old house and that little old life, at least now I knew it would be of use to someone.

Lastly there was Lyssa, she frightened me just a little, she didn’t care to explain her past and had no intention of living anything close to the life she’d been taken from. She saw what remained of her captors after encountering the witch, and she wanted that power deeply, “Please give me the strenght to turn the tables on the strong and cruel, they’ll never stop trampling on us until we are larger than them. Help me make sure this doesn’t happen anymore”. I think her fury resonated with Morgana, because she agreed to train her as best as she could, on the condition that she never lose sight of what it was to be helpless and turn her blade on those that will be as she is now.

The route was determined, we would first head for the old woman’s village, where she would stay, now in the outskirsts in secret to all but it’s residents, and tend to her duty as their matron. Then we would travel to my hometown, where the seamstress and her child could stay, and lastly Morgana would continue traveling, continuing her work as a witch with a new apprentice in tow.

“We’ll be passing by your home town, I understand if you wish to stay there, you’ll be able to take your old name back”, said Morgana as I tied bandages around her cracked arms, she seemed tense, like this wasn’t a conversation she was happy about needing to have, I could almost feel a sense of sadness in her voice, of loneliness, “you’ve now seen the most violent part of who I am, and there are reasons you may be disgusted by what you saw, but please know I wouldn’t do that to men who hadn’t consented and participated in the unjust  torture and imprisonment of their fellow humans, those weren’t the first women they’d taken, nor would they be the last had I not intervened.”

“I understand, of course I do, you did what you had to do. I still respect you and know you well enough to know you are a scholar, a guardian and a healer, not a reckless murderer, and I’m happy to be your familiar.” I smiled at her, by now my master was also my friend.

She smirked, relieved, and said “Then here’s your third lesson, our role is to clear the darkness that law is unable to reach, the eyes in the night that aren’t seen by ordinary men, and the evil that is inside the men protected by the very system that is supposed to keep their victims safe.”

[reve-de-dragon]

Results of the form

results under the cut

The donjon and dragon is, obviously, not surprising. I’m on the same page here, it counts as a dragon, and is honestly the closest to basic pop culture european dragon i can find. 

Donjon and dragon wyvern gets some not a dragon answers. From what i gather from looking through the answers, I assume it has to do with the sapience of the wyvern, as aside from a single person, i haven’t seen the “four legs two wings is a dragon” type of answer.

The tarasque surprised me a bit more! I see them as a dragon, but physical traits of that type (weird chimera) usually doesn’t matters to me if they are quite reptilian, which works here, in most pictures. I think for most dragons however, it is a too weird creature for them to comprehend them as a dragon. There might also be the problem of the dnd tarasque, who is treated as its own thing in the game, which might have influenced some.

Smaug is overall seen as a dragon. The picture was the movie smaug, so the one not a dragon comes from the “four leg 2 wings is a dragon” answer (btw, not trying to say that is wrong, for this form!).

not much to say here.

Had to go back to see what kind of answer said that pernese dragons were not dragon for their own mind, and from what i see of the rest of their answer, I suspect that its the book’s twist on these dragons that influenced the answer. I wondered if i would have more not a dragon because of this specificity, but it seem it overall is seen as a dragon.

Dutch angels are pretty divided! They are not dragons in my eyes, as they are too mammalian to register as a dragon, which i believe is the case for most people here, from talking with people who answered. 

Wyrms register as dragons for me. The non dragon part seems to be on the lack of wings (usually also putting the draque as not a dragon) and the lack of limbs. Some may also have thought about sapience, although i can’t check that, and haven’t encountered that one while talking with some who took the form.

Amusingly, the sea serpent almost mirrors the wyrm. I do not really understand that one, as it tends to be registered as the same thing for me (big long beast who can grow to tremendous sizes). If the wyrm is put as not a dragon, I assume it’s the lack of wings/limb, but some do put wyrms and not sea serpent, as seen here! This appear to be caused by wyrms and sea serpents as different kind of beasts, as a sort of cousin specie.

:’( Poor chimken. My human logic tells me dragon, because they are referred as such in some myths. As a dragon however, i’m not sure. Size plays a lot into it for me, but the dangerosity of the beast does too. I think I wouldn’t consider it a dragon as the pop culture cockatrice that is small, but as soon as it is human sized or more, i’d have a doubt and consider it something on the same level as me.

Too mammalian for me, but technically a dragon I guess ahah. It depends on who you ask, in myths. I tend to see it as another kind of creature both as a dragon and human, though. 

Same, to a further extent.

That one is very strange! Not because of the amount of not dragon, that i expected, but because I saw quite a few people who did agree that it was a dragon say that a sea serpent wasn’t one, which boggles my mind! I see it as a simple animal myself, and haven’t been able to understand that sea serpent is not but nessie is situation, so if you answered that, would love to know why!

Was simply to check if reptilian body and sapience was enough for some. Two people did answer yes, but for the most part, it’s a no. 

Got a friend who is a predacon were, so I was curious if being biological or mechanical would influence some. Amusingly enough, from that predacon, I learnt that they, themselves, didn’t consider all predacons dragons, due to differences in behaviors. The exemple here was predaking, so a pretty normal dragon aside from the mechanical thing. I wanted to add the bipedal cybertronian form too, but was afraid my first question may be lost like that. One person did say they were not dragons to them, so i wonder if it’s due to lore or nonbiological nature.

The worms from dunes have technically very draconic behaviors and lore, and are inspired from european dragons. One person did agree that they were sort of alien dragons, apparently, but for the most part, i assume the physical form says not dragon. On my side, i am unsure! I think not, because they are not creatures i can really interact with, i assume, so I’d mostly see them as bigger than average animals.

Wondered where humanoid body type started to be seen as nondraconic. Depending on the anthro dragon, I myself am on a “maybe”. Behavior and dangerosity would probably matter a lot to me here.

And that’s where I myself draw the line! Flat faces disturb me, and in that case, size and general appearance convey a “not a dragon” feel for me.

The lack of wings is what makes them not a dragon, for the one who answered that, as it seems. Perhaps some sapience too?

This one is an animal for me, whereas drakes are dragons. Amusingly enough, some said drakes were not dragons, but those were! I assume it’s the flight/glide.

Dragon brains says That’s A Horse, whereas human logic says it’s closest to a dragon. Pretty easy to understand here, simply the appearance. 

Overall, dragon. Logical. However, two person said not a dragon! The first did say Cortos (little wyvern type creatures) were, from the same game, and the other said zinogre (a wolf/dragon that wield thunder) and dah’ren morhan (a gigantic desert leviathan) did say those were dragons! So it’s not the game. I really don’t get that one, and would love thoughts on it.

Was curious if the mammalian appearance would matter. Zinogre is on the line for me. 

They look like wyverns, but are very small and weak. They don’t register as dragons for me, but as animals. Seems they do for most though, although i can’t say if all understood their size due to the picture.

This one is similar to the sand worm for me. Although technically draconic, being similar to a leviathan, he just doesn’t register as one, although there’s the power and size to usually back it up for me.

Was curious to what extent dragon like horrors would be understood as dragons. I see that one as a dragon, but that may be due to myself seeing my draconity as somewhat lovecraftian. I relate a lot to cthulhu on a conceptual level. 

I mean. I’m surprised there’s not a dragon human hybrid kind of thing here ngl. What’s the difference? Plus tbh, he does seem more draconic than the pic i used for the human dragon hybrid in my opinion. Probably the pose does it for me. Really like this painting.

Expected it, but hey! Fun fact! The red dragon of the apocalypse above, and Satan/the devil are the same entity! Bamboozled again. I have to admit, although the depiction above makes me think dragon, due to the imagery associated with satan, i mostly see him as a human looking dude or goaty fellow. I’m pretty sure he is called a dragon in christian lore.

Not threatening enough for me, but yeah that’s probably what’s going on here, he’s simply not very threatening. Deal breaker for some, but dragon for most.

Tried to see if more strange looking “dragons” got the same approval as charizard, since they even had the typing. Seems like theropods body type isn’t commonly seen as draconic, as I furthered that question with a smaller group with some other theropod looking draconic creatures! Have to admit, unsure if it’s the human logic that applies here, and makes me go : that’s a real animal, or if it’s a dragon thing.

Same but more theropod.

Technically, he can be called one, but yeah he is very mammalian, which is most of those no votes. I’d say I would probably consider him on the same level as me. Something about the tatzelwurm makes me think of a sapient beast, which may play into it. Everything seems more dangerous and more “at my level” if they are intelligent. They are small, and not very powerful, but for some reason it still doesn’t strike me as wrong here.

Wanted to see both if something very bird like, and very non threatening looking was understood as a dragon. Seems like for the most part, it works. I’d honestly probably just see that one as a weird fire bird. For the most part, most dragonvale dragons don’t register as such for me, in a similar way to pokemons. 

Putting those two back to back because it’s very funny. Expected both to be dragons, or both not, and turns out there’s also a fair share to one is, but the other no. I can understand toruk yes, ikran no, as toruk is much more imposing, but the other way around i don’t quite see, although a few people did say so. If you have theories, would love to hear.

Added the thanator last minute as a sort of “pandoran drake”. Seems like most people just see it as an alien. Flight plays a strong part on recognizing something as draconic for most, so if you throw away the obvious reptilian/draconic features, isn’t so easy. Plus, I won’t lie, it acts pretty non draconic, but hey was worth trying. Expected it.

Similar thought, although more reptilian. although the thanator doesn’t register as same as me, xenomorphs do. Probably the dangerosity/intelligence here too.

It’s very, very weird, but dragon shaped. I’d see it as a dragon. A lot don’t. Put it for the same reason as the tarasque, but with wings.

I won’t lie it’s a bird i expected that, but it’s golden? It eats metals? Maybe some feathered dragons could relate. Where does bird dragon stops, and mythical bird begins? Amusing to go back to the peteu or the serre with this thought in mind.

If quetzacoatl gets to be a dragon, why not them. I see them as dragons like wyrms. Seems like a fair share don’t! Amusingly, I assume like the sea serpent, it doesn’t mirror wyrms, although the two are very close.

Yeah fair. Honestly though, it’s strange how so many weird appearance don’t get a pass, but that one does. I assume it’s because they fly, or are very powerful? Since other very reptilian looking chimeras or draconic beasts don’t make the cut. Or pop culture i guess. I see them as beasts like me, but actually not as dragons. I see them as “eastern dragons” which for me is a dinstinctly different creature from european dragons on all level, and probably shouldn’t share the dragon name, which is why i try my best to find another term to use, like long or ryu. I do however make them fall in the category of beasts that are “same as me”, although i usually see them as a bit higher, closer to deity like, in folklores.

Was curious since “he doesn’t act like a dragon anymore” is something I had heard a few times from dragons. From the people who answered, seems there isn’t much here. I personally do feel weird about how toothless act in the third movie, the whole thing is a bit off. Probably because, like another dragonkin said, they are treated as exotic pets or human adjacent.

Gidorah is pretty dragon like, not much here, it was mostly to introduce the following. We did get a few no, though! I assume it’s because it’s an alien, or something of the sort? Theories appreciated once again.

Godzilla is honestly very dragon like. Massive, reptilian, breath weapon. He even protects things sometimes. But seems like for most, he isn’t one. Curious as to why so. I assume the theropod look must have struck again, as well as pop culture making you automatically go : no that’s a kaiju, not a dragon.

Fair. With the zinogre i wanted to see how far i could push it.

To the 2 people who answered yes : Wrong. I am judging you. 

EDIT : forgot to say : Feel free to give any thoughts! I’d love to start a discussion

[peepingtoad]

|| @dokuhebi:-

War was approaching, Konoha’s farms were struggling to keep up with the demands of the citizens, even though the population was declining in size, even though fewer mouths were in need of being fed, and more families were without the right income to cater to those needs of hunger. The assignments being handed out were of more dangerous ranks, the shinobi placed on those assignments suddenly younger and younger in age. But all of that, and so much more, is practically ignored by the child. They have a more pressing affair to deal with.  It’s their friends birthday, and they have just heard his mother wouldn’t be making it home in time this year to visit.  Had she even managed to send a letter? Or had that gotten swept up in the conflict as well? They can’t be sure. What they are sure about however, is that it is up to them and Tsunade to mitigate this colossal disaster of their teammates empty celebration. Their little apartment, dreary as it usually is, will be the perfect grounds for staging a surprise. With no one there to meddle with the two childrens affairs. Allowing for the young serpent and princess to modify it to the desired effect. Far more vibrant and ghost-free now. A few decorations strung from cupboards and ceilings, window frames and doorways. The small counter space along with the even smaller side table is used for gifts and snacks, an assortment of foods that the two knew Jiraiya liked. Gifts are all wrapped, messily so, but serving the purpose. An orphan such as them hardly had the means for elaborate gift giving. But Jiraiya didn’t have to know that Tsunade had helped chip in for theirs, nor did he, or the Senju for that matter, need to know that the rest of the money for the present was acquired through pawning off items they stole here and there. Deciding it was well within their moral compass to do so, because it was for a good cause, and they had only robbed those who the child decided deserved a good lesson. For telling them off harsher than necessary, for being too obnoxious or loud a neighbour, for looking at them the wrong way because of their status in society.  So perhaps his mother wasn’t there for the celebration of the young boy, perhaps he would have no blood family around on the special day. But he would have a different family there, when Orochimaru, thinking themself very clever and subtle, lures him back to their apartment after training, feigning that they didn’t want to walk home alone, only to bring him in to the abode and announce the surprise. Where all three could spend the day, afternoon and night celebrating together.  Now at nineteen years old, his mother would miss his birthday again. Only this time, it would be well known she would miss all the rest to follow it. Her passing had struck him violently, unable to ever forget the look on his face when they walked in. When they watched the last piece of his already shaky foundation crumble from beneath his feet.  So perhaps that was why it became important to have a redo of the same little party they had done as children. A reminder he still had family, a distraction from an empty home, no matter how rarely she was ever there to begin with. The serpent offers up their apartment again, but not without a healthy dose of rules and warnings. Certainly not without hiding a few items for the sake of that precious research being preserved and out of harms way. After all, the innocent little snack table has been repurposed for some drinks instead. Only one year until the trio is twenty and legally allowed alcohol, for now, Orochimaru does what they do best: ignoring Hiruzen’s laws outright, and doing whatever the hell they wanted anyway.  And once more, Orochimaru is the one to lure Jiraiya back to the apartment. This time however, their tact is worth their own praise, as they let the man think the truly are forgetful and negligent of the day. While Tsunade and Dan set up at the serpents abode, Orochimaru keeps the ignorant guest of honor doing trivial tasks. Making him help them in the Hokage’s office, pretending that the right amount of stress and duties had made them forget the celebratory day - and with their hardworking nature, it wasn’t hard to convince anyone of that possibility. There is perhaps, a bit of fun to be had, waiting to exasperate Jiraiya a little that his day off became a handful before telling him they needed help with one last thing. Only for a light smirk to reflect on their lips and give the game up the moment they push open their door and let him enter.  A bit of fair warning to expect something.  Less juvenile decorations, less sloppy furniture arrangements,  the table showcasing various gifts, surrounded by various bottles of sake and whiskey for overindulgence, and a pickled and deep fried based menu of party food.  Whenever Jiraiya’s glass empties, Tsunade, Orochimaru or Dan were quick to top it up, an agreement between them that it would take any edge off from the morbid memory of who wasn’t able to attend. The night would continue well in to the morning, until Tsunade and Dan need to get back, or more so, until Dan decides for her sake, Tsunade may need to find herself in her own bed with some welcoming home comforts come her hangover in the morning. Eventually, leaving only Jiraiya and Orochimaru there for the remainder of the night, the buzz of drinking leaving a spell of calm, as the two sit on the small but pleasant balcony. At some point, deciding it might be fun to teach Jiraiya some of their erhu, but being too controlling - even drunk - to properly let him touch and tamper with the delicate item. More of a demonstration, than a lesson then. A moment of playful banter and jabs, until Orochimaru has brought out a small gift from their sleeve, and offered it to him. Deciding to retire for the night, and drunkenly placing a kiss to the top of his head, and a small pat of his shoulder as they move inside and leave him to unwrap the gift by himself on the balcony, “there’s room for two on the bed, don’t let me catch you sleeping on the couch come morning on your own birthday,” they say, or perhaps order, in parting. This time, Orochimaru could afford their own gift for him. Mostly ethically earned. A Kiseru and tobacco pouch, crafted in Kumogakure, the golden metal bind that winds up the long pipe carved in to by the intricate patterns of serpents weaving through lily pads. A note with a short ‘think of me on your journeys’ splashed with ink on a small card. Wrapped far more neatly than from the past. And perhaps the note is as much in support of his wanderings and passions, in support of his mothers legacy, as it is a possessive little trick. That if he found himself smoking at some bathhouse, in the company of some little she-devil that wasn’t them, one glance at the serpents on his kiseru would put the bastards work of flirting him up to waste, as they steal his thoughts from countries away.

It didn’t really bother him when it occurred that Orochimaru and Tsunade had probably forgotten about this day. That wasn’t to say that he’d been so wrapped up in his moping that he was dead set on being indulgently miserable for it—after all, every extra year one survived in this world was a worthy cause for celebration—but there was no denying that he was in a funk. That his shoulders seemed to be just that little bit heavier than before. That behind every buoyant smile, he was deflated inside. So it wasn’t that he didn’t care, but he wasn’t bothered by it either.

It was all just… grey.

Having said all that, what actually was irksome to him was that a day that should have been spent getting hammered in that one seedy bar that was willing to serve them (largely in thanks to Jiraiya’s sheer height and broad build that screamed ‘fully grown man’, enough to give him a pass), was instead being gradually frittered away on annoying little tasks. Orochimaru was dead set on doing everything necessary to keep themself firmly in their sensei’s mind as his natural successor; Jiraiya knew this, and they were exceptionally diligent with it.

So why, then, was he roped into helping them to suck up to the old man instead of falling into blissful drunken stupor? How annoying. And yet he still doesn’t refuse to help.

This ultimately leads to him being rather moody and pouty as they finally finish for the day, an early evening sun warming the dull dirt path to gold as they stroll along, Jiraiya with a sour expression and hands shoved just a little aggressively deep into his pockets. With the sudden mention of a seemingly-just-remembered ‘one last thing’ by the time they reach their apartment door, he’s all but ready to give them the most linguistically colourful of refusals, only for the mischievous little flash over their features to stop him dead in his tracks. 

Raised eyebrows and a slightly more curious kind of pout signal his own realisation and intrigue, progressing into a look of heartfelt wonder as the door is opened, and he is very suddenly presented with the more grown up version of a similar trick from… when was it, seven years ago? Eight? 

The first time his birthday had ever been so distinctly without her.

He can’t even be agitated that the intimate them-ness of this little home-made party is slightly skewed by the presence of Dan. After all, the guy had clearly gone to a load of effort in helping Tsunade to set it all up, and at least this way there was an extra person to help fill the void left by a distinctly missing one. Good food and drink, too—that which he’d been craving all day and which Orochimaru had cleverly worked up an even greater appetite for—saw in the hours to follow sadness being replaced by merriment, and that grey feeling exchanged for a far more celebratory mood. Celebrating his ascent to the next year of his life, sure, but also that they were all here. That they were all together.

Until Dan has to take Tsunade home, anyway. Not that it even registers to Jiraiya, who at this point is so away with the fairies he could have entertained himself for hours and probably not realised it. Besides, he has Orochimaru, and watching them equally as intoxicated as himself, seeing how they come out of their shell a little more and show off their more frivolous skills, delights him in such a way that he sees practically nothing else. The erhu ‘lesson’ really makes him wish he’d swung by his place for his shamisen, but he settles for makeshift percussion by way of random surfaces and his palms, and even a poor attempt at atmospheric singing at points—a treat for their neighbours, no doubt. Eventually their activities take them to the balcony where they continue chatting, until the mystery gift brings upon them a shroud of silence.

It hadn’t actually occurred to him that there might be any more gifts. The evening, yes, along with the company and the free pass to make a real mess of the place without them biting his head off, were great enough gifts in themselves… but this slender box seems to hold quite a gravity about it, if not by the fact it’s been left until the very last, with only the two of them here, then because of the affection pouring so freely from them as they retire, leaving him with a tender kiss and touch, a mysterious gift to open, and a suggestion… no, an expectation of what should follow.

That confidence of theirs really is something… and ‘misplaced’ is not that something.

Jiraiya opens the gift in bated silence, his expression oddly neutral but wide-eyed as he reveals the elegant kiseru, with its design that feels very much deliberately chosen to contain an element of themself, but of him too. The pouch is also filled with tobacco which he opens and inhales the scent of, a blend that smells so fine that even a relative novice like him can tell it’s the good stuff.

Dammit, you trying to make me into an old man here? ‘Oh, that’s the good stuff!’ So old mannish…

He thinks that, but only with the giddiest of smiles that blooms suddenly, not a hint of disappointment to be seen—not at the gift itself, and certainly not at the validation contained in that one little message that came with it. A message that he knew for a fact he’d admire every brushstroke of whenever he found himself missing them from afar.

Needless to say, he doesn’t quite catch on to any possessive undertones that may lie in wait between the lines like serpents in the grass; so overwhelmed is he by the pure, soft sentiment of it, furthered by his current state no doubt, that thick tears slide down his cheeks without him even realising they were brimming to begin with. Only a few, before he pats them away with his sleeve and returns inside, carefully placing the gift on the bottle-strewn table but not lingering there himself.

Even drunk, he knows there’s no way they’d have fallen asleep already. Hell, they’d said with no measure of subtlety that they wanted him in their bed tonight, so it’s only natural for him to take that as simply as it sounded: as an invitation.

Now, to what capacity they wanted him, he can’t say. But given the physical closeness that came so naturally between the three, ever since they were little (as much as a certain princess would deny it), there would be nothing untoward in sneaking through the door of their bedroom, nor in stalking up their bed on all fours, nor in gathering them immediately into his arms to give them a tight and gratitude-laden embrace that seems to involve every one of his clumsy, drunk limbs.

“Oro…” He sighs, brows twitching a little as he realises what a useless phrase a mere ‘thank you’ really is. Like making him feel like this, so loved and appreciated, during one of the roughest points of his life thus far, can be returned with mere words of thanks. When he withdraws from the embrace, it is only to put the most minimal distance between them, still close enough that his vision swims hazily with alabaster skin that even the night can’t swallow completely, the ever-present glow of yellow irises, the void-like negative space where ebony hair seems to sever throat from shoulders and drip down their chest like rivers of shadow. They’re so beautiful it snatches his breath away, leaving him very much aware of the thundering of his heartbeat.

… This is one of those moments, isn’t it? Those moments of opportunity, where the options were divided between safety and risk, change or stagnation, control or release.

Concepts that are all far too complex in this particular moment, and so Jiraiya does only what he feels in his bones is right given the close entanglement they’ve found themselves in, with limbs curling around each other and fingers ensnared in each other’s hair. He holds their jaw within his heated palm, and gives one quivering caress of their lips with his thumb before replacing that uncertain touch with the far more definitive press of his mouth.

It’s hard to really quantify how long they stay like that, exchanging kiss after kiss between soft sighs and humid pauses for breath and the amazing feel of them—of this—filling his brain with the most blissful static, but there comes a moment where their foreheads are pressed together that he finally remembers his point, and gazes blearily at them with a smile that’s somehow both bashful and truly self-assured at the same time.

“I will.”

[starkerforlife6969]

Starker, Loosely Based off Good Omens

Peter keeps eyeing Tony’s devil food cake.

Tony sighs, and pushes the plate towards him. Peter looks up with big, guilty, honey eyes and shakes his head insistently. “No! I couldn’t, you eat it, Tony-“

“I’m not even hungry,” Tony insists, pushing the plate even further towards his companion. Peter’s cheeks go all pink and lovely and Tony wonders how he lasted the last few decades without seeing him. The last time must have been- oh god (ouch), it might have been the Second Industrial Revolution.

Peter’s just as pretty. With his huge eyes and his chestnut curls and his cream skin. He’s in a white floral printed suit, trimmed with gold, and it fits him perfectly. The tie is a faded pink, and it matches the rose hue of his lips.

“But it’s called devil’s food cake,” Peter points out, reaching for his fork anyway. He takes a heaped forkful into his mouth, all chocolate and cream and icing and Tony wants to kiss him.

He wonders what would happen if he did. He’s loved Peter for centuries, there’s no doubt about it, but Peter’s never shown any interest. He’s all naive and wonderstruck, Tony doesn’t think Peter quite knows about sex, if he’s honest.

Tony’s clad in a sleek black suit, and there are streaks of rouge through his dark hair. The sunglasses look a little odd, but no one is looking twice.

“I thought you had something to do with that horrible war,” Peter says, chocolate crumbs on his lips as he drinks the sweet, fruity cocktail Tony ordered for him. “I was so happy you didn’t!”

“That’s all the humans, I’m afraid,” Tony sighs, easing back in his chair. His whole body itches. Being away from Peter for so long has just reminded him how much he loves him. How much he wants him. “Come back to mine. It’s been too long, angel.”

Peter blushes again, and dabs his lips with the handkerchief. “I can’t, Tony. If the others-“ he glances up towards the ceiling, “-found out that I was hanging out with you-“

“Screw the others,” Tony insists, and he makes his voice soft, and thinks about the time he and Peter both tried to distract King Arthur so he wouldn’t find the fountain of eternal youth. He thinks about the way they laughed in the forest, surrounded by animals that were so much bigger than they are now. “C’mon, it’s been an age. Let me tempt you. I was just in Belgium. Scrumptious little truffles, you’d love them.”

His angel looks tempted, and if that isn’t Tony’s job, he’s not sure what is. There are little freckles dappled across Peter’s nose, and he leans forward, the white cotton of his suit touching Tony’s black velvet. “Maybe. They’re not too happy with me anyway.” He lifts his eyebrows up towards the heavens. “I accidentally performed a miracle again.”

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose. “How many times do we have to talk about that?”

“It was an accident!” Peter exclaims, “The King has these gorgeous little girls, Tony! They just wanted a little freedom from the palace, that’s all-“

Damn it all to hell, Tony adores him. Peter’s sweet breath fanning over his face, those excited eyes, the stray white feathers here and there. “Come back with me.” Tony asks again, and his fingers shake with the urge to touch Peter’s cheek. “Please, angel.”

Peter beams, all pleased, and he nods. “Since you asked so nicely.”

*** Tony has a townhouse in the city, stained black here and there with ash and soot. Peter’s little cottage in Northumberland is almost overgrown with violets and honeysuckle. Don’t ask Tony how he knows that. 

Peter looks around in amazement, touching all of Tony’s souvenirs. He stops at a chalet of poison. He turns and frowns at Tony who does his best not to look too sheepish. “Tony,” he warns, “I hope you didn’t have anything to do with Rasputin.”

Tony shrugs, snapping his fingers so the kettle boils instantly. “Who can really tell, Angel? Here, have some tea. I have your favourite.”

Peter lingers a little by the poison, but is easily swayed, and sits down amidst the cluttered collection of burnt Bibles and stolen treasures. Tony takes the opportunity to sit right beside him, their legs brushed together.

He thinks he sees Peter blush, but he’s not sure.

“If I find out you had something to do with Rasputin, Tony…”

“If a crazy man wants to make a deal with a demon, Petey, what do you want me to do? You perform your little miracles, am I not allowed to break a few rules here and there? Besides, what’s the harm. He’s dead, isn’t he?” Tony had made quite sure of that. 

Peter scowls at that, but nibbles on the biscuits Tony’s provided, and settles in.

They talk about their recent travels, and Tony puffs out his chest when Peter leans in: fascinated, as he regales his adventures in South America. He, of course, makes sure to leave out any evil-doing, and just watches as Peter gives him all of his attention.

Night comes too quickly, and Peter yawns- surprising himself- and it’s so cute Tony almost leans forward and kisses him right then and there.

“Good heavens!” Peter exclaims, “I should be getting back. Tony, this has been lovely!”

“Don’t go,” Tony urges, because he’s not sure he can bear to be without him. “I have a spare room.”

Peter hesitates, but nods slowly. “Maybe that would be best. No turning into a Serpent or anything, okay?”

Tony laughs, full bodied and delighted, and he sticks out his hand to shake. “I promise.”

Tony goes to bed that night- alone- but also not alone. He may not have his angel’s love yet, but give him time- and he will.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Screw it

LAOFT from someone who’s never read the main story

100% of my knowledge of LAOFT comes from askes of @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors that I read and the one-shots I’ve read. Some of it will be right. Most of it will be wrong. Hopefully all of it is a hilarious, sleep-deprived mess.

Since there’s a good chance I’ve got at least a few bits of plot right there are some spoilers herein so beware weary traveler who really should just skip past this mess of a post.

Sleep-deprivation baby let’s go.

The basics:

Setting: Wickhills

Creepy fae town

I think it’s based in Ohio. Maybe. Probably. idk

Tho if you came here for exacts buddy oh boy I have bad news for you

I digress

I think the description of the first part says smth about the people not minding having their things stolen

Except for uh I think her name’s May Gage

Ro’s Mom?

I think

NO WAIT

Description has to do with Dot Sanders

Mum of Lo and Tho

Will talk about them later but I just had to get that straight first

Even tho there’s, like, nothing straight in this AU

I think the main plot problems arise, originally, due to miscommunication

Or lack of communication

All I know is in the drunk history of Wickhills that I barely remember there was a mention of them not communicating and that basically dooming them

And y’all... lots going on around here

Lots

So uh we’re jumping into characters now here I go

Virgil Lastnamesmth: 

No I don’t know his last name and no I’m not going to learn it just for this post

It’s Lastnamesmth now deal with it

I think he’s Spider King

Or smth like that

He rules the forest

After he gets out of his magic coma

He’s in that for a long time tho

100 years I think?

And uh I think Durant did it to him but we’ll talk about the devil in a snake suit later

He got put in a protective coffin by... I want to say Greta but ngl I know nothing about Greta. 

She may be one of Vi’s sisters

He has a LOT of siblings actually

Many are spider sisters I think

And I think Elliot and Thomas are also his siblings in a way

Maybe

idk

Again don’t trust what you read when it comes from me peeps

But he’s super powerful

And I think he’s in the winter court

Whatever that means

I know courts exist for the seasons, and I’m reasonably sure Virgil’s is Winter, but that’s about it

He has magic but I don’t think he used it in any of the one-shots I read so what do I know

Well he does in one

That one where Logan gives his full name

That one was good I quite liked it

Well actually they’re all good I like all the ones I read

Back to Virgil

Hates parties which is a mood

He has to host them tho

Being Spider King is cool other than that bit I gather

And the part where the court gossips about you but oh well I suppose

I believe he’s autistic too

Or at least written with a lot of autistic traits

Is that how you say it? Autistic traits sounds wrong

Can fae be autistic? Or just like it?

Y’know what fuck it fae can be autistic and the only one allowed to @ me about that is the author screw off haters

I think the rest of what I have to say can live in the misc section

NEXT CHARACTER

Roman Gage:

I’d like to start with I love him and every time I think about what little I know of his backstory I want to cry

idk how he ended up in an abusive relationship but I know he did

And he’s such a good boi

He doesn’t DESERVE IT GODSDAMNIT

Only Vi would get me this emotionally invested in characters I only sorta know I swear

So yeah

Current Ro still has some problems with that

For very obvious reasons

And yet!

He is a gentleman and a knight and a champion and a prince

Yes that is a direct reference at that one one-shot shhh

His family is also one of witches right

He has a familiar 

Tis a cat named Dizzy

I only know about Dizzy from like one fic tho so that’s all I can say about her

Dizzy can talk too in case that wasn’t clear

He made a potion in the microwave despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t and I think that’s a good summary of his character

I think he found Virgil first

At the very least he did find Virgil

He’s a human who found a hot dude in a glass case crawling with creepy crawlies and thought ‘ah yes the perfect place to spend all my time’

Sounds legit I’m sure

I don’t know how this lead to him in a bad place with the motherfucker also called the Serpent King

But it did

But in the end he got glass coffin boy and two others so at least he’s got that going for him

We move on once more!

Patton Uh what’s Remy’s last name again I think it’s that:

Or it isn’t

I said it before I’ll say it again:

Looking up info for this defeats the point

Deal with my horrible misinformation

He got a gift from White!

I believe this is because his Mum saved her or something

The problem?

Uh

The gift is also a curse

Because while it’s incredibly written that’s the cliché folks

People have to do what ever he ‘orders’

Basically anything that techincally demands something from the other

Including things like ‘stop’ which is like one-hit KO murder word

Patton had a nightmare about that

That was a fun one-shot

Though if you could just like kill people on accident I guess I’d have nightmares ‘bout it too

He’s the other human of the trio plus one

No I don’t remember the word for a group of four people and no I’m not going to look it up

A Professional Cuddler according to that one fic where the description’s like ‘Patton thinks he’s got the best seat in the house’ or whatever

There’s one fic where Emile help him put make-up on

Wowsers

That fic was fun to read because he flustered ALL his bfs

No question

What else what else

I think he’s got a bodyguard

Named... Bell???

Maybe???

Okay I think that’s most of my Pat knowledge

ONWARDS

Logan (Berry) Sanders:

Yes adding the Berry was very important

It’s a huge part of that name fic

And I like it so

Deal with it

He’s a fae

I believe a changling to be exact

And a selkie

He’s... spring court...?

He was replaced for Thomas in typical Changling fashion

But then Thomas came back (I think Dot got Tho back idk) and suddenly he had a brother

He has nature magic of some form

But his best power is his flower power

He can’t control it and I love it so much

I don’t even KNOW what each type of flower appearing means 9 out of 10 times but that doesn’t make me any less happy about it

*Sigh*

I wish I sprouted flowers at random...

I think he’s also autistic

He and Virgil occasionally bond over that it’s sweet

Like with the painted nails tap tap tapping

Or the singing walls

I know something happened to him

Something relating to something stupid Ro did

I think that’s the stupid thing that got Ro forced to be with the dick that is Deceit in this

But I honestly don’t know what happened to Logan

Hmph

He can be a nervous boi

That fic where he tried to say I love you with his notecards?

Love that one

...Twenty-five percent of this is just me randomly complimenting Vi’s one-shots ain’t it

Huh

Oh well

No regrets

I just realized I use ‘Vi’ for Violet and Virgil interchangeably

That may be problematic but screw off if you think I’m going to change anything

That’s too much effort

BACK TO LOGAN

He has a honey problem from that one fic I read

Where he gets real sappy about his bfs to Thomas

Not like a bad problem

Just a ‘maybe he should stop drinking it if he wants to pretend he has dignity’ problem

Okey-dokie I’m moving on to his bro now

Thomas (Bug) Sanders:

Lo’s incredible brother

And when I say incredible I mean it

Very nice

Will squish Logan when needed

Actually will squish anyone when needed

He has a Squish Instinct

Also has Brother Instinct and no it’s not the Cain Instinct

It’s the opposite

Will Fight if you try to hurt Lo from what I can tell

I think he also had a monster in his head

The monster has a longer name but I can’t spell it so I won’t try

This fact is based on One (1) one-shot where he has a weird freak out

That’s also the fic I base my belief that he’s somehow Virgil’s brother on

But no promises

The fic starts with italics and bolded lines interchanging

I don’t remember the name tho

If you haven’t already figured out I’m not going to look it up you’re even more sleep-deprived then I am

But yeah Thomas is great

Teases Lo about his crushes like a good bro

Helps Lo when he’s panicking or freaking out or something

Even when Lo’s at college

I don’t know as much about Tho so let’s leave it there

Onto the Monster

Durant (is that his name idk) Monsterunworthyoflove: 

His last name is Monsterunworthyoflove because that’s what he is

I know almost nothing about him actually

They call him ‘he’ a lot because I think trigger reasons

But honestly he also doesn’t deserve to have his name spoken

He was the Snake King

Maybe Serpent King 

Eh idc

I believe he put Virgil in magic coma to rule as King

I think they were brothers but idk

HE SUCKS

I think he’s dead

I wish I knew how or by who’s hand but he is

He got a coffin in the ground which I think if unfair

Let the worms devour his flesh and let me make his bones into my furniture

I am a part of the Kill Durant Again squad only because I missed my chance to kill him first

Like I said I know little about him

But he put the abusive in Roman’s abusive relationship so honestly fuck him to Hell and back and then do it again for good measure

Every time I read a scene with Ro being uncomfy because of him

I want to strangle him

I fucking mime the motions

Violet honestly props on making such a hate-able character

I could talk about him more because I do know a few other things

But honestly the fact he’s not real and my dream to choke him slowly is therefore impossible makes my skin crawl

I hate him so much it’s not healthy so we’re moving on

To minor characters!

Minor Characters:

As in characters I know very little about

I guess they could be vital characters

REMY

MY BOI

I know he’s a classic badboy who will die if Emile kisses him and I love him

Also he’s super smart with his moonshine and I’m so proud

I love him so so so so much and I barely know him

Good job Violet you wrote him well and I love you

Emile is also great

Remy has protected him for wearing skirts because Rem’s a good boy and he’s RIGHT

Emile feels bad for treating Patton bad in the past I think

Hence that one make-up session

Emile also crushes on Remy hard the remile in this AU is on point man

Elliot exists

I think they’re Virgil’s sibling. Somehow. Maybe

I read one one-shot that focused on their relationship with Vi and that’s all I know about them

Mawmaw (Mamaw? mawma? I’mma just call her May. If she’s May. I think she’s May) is Ro’s Mom.

Also a witch I think

Really tough but she cares

Dot is super nice

She’s Lo and Tho’s Mum I think

I don’t remember the one-shots with her in them well but she’s always sweet

Okay there’s this one character who’s name starts with an E

I think she’s Logan biological mom

Logan cut a knot he had with her or smth

Apparently she’s awful and Vi would kill her but it would have a bad mental effect on Ro for... some reason

he got pale when the idea was brought up idk

I would have thrown her in forever prison if I couldn’t kill her but that’s just me

She placed a curse on Lo that stopped him from leaving Wickhills I think

Or smth

Lo broke the curse tho so what does it matter

Linda is the LAMP’s daughter??? I think???

I... haven’t actually read the fics she’s in so idk

But people really seem to love her so that’s neat

Out of minor characters so we progress to my fav part about the series

Gay bois:

Aka the LAMP gang

They’re so gay guys

The gayest gays

I like to think I can write decent gays

But these???????

They barely have to look at each other before they’re dead, murdered, killed by the mere beauty of one of the others

I LIVE FOR IT

In the one-shots I’ve read they’re either completely 100% fluffy gays

Or gays helping each other with one Trauma or another

But they still end up gay-ing over each other in the end

and the KISSING

as an aroace I generally find kisses meh or ew

But these gays

All they want to do is kiss

Sometimes it’s tender and sweet and loving

More often than not tho the kisses are like

‘If one of you didn’t manage to barely hold onto a brain cell throughout the gay you’d be fucking in public’

I am repulsed to write that sentence but it’s TRUE

...I think

Note: idek the difference between passionate but just passionate kisses and passionate about to get steamy kisses

Because you know

aroace

But the main point:

I find kisses meh

But these gays very clearly illustrate how beautiful kisses can be and I think that’s wonderful

Also I just generally love LAMP and this is good good LAMP A++ Vi

They’re so gay and loving and protective of each other

They really deserved their own category

Onto the final section

Misc:

Aka stuff that doesn’t fit in the other sections and/or stuff that did fit in the other sections but I forgot about it and am too lazy to put where it belongs

I realize now that Remy and Pat do not have the same last name

They’re not brothers (I don’t think......)

Does Pat’s last name start with a W?

That sounds right

Fug me if I know what Rem’s last name is tho

Where do they all live

I thought only Vi lived in fae land

But I think Pat may live there too

But Lo lives in non-fae land???

idk

Also fae land is called fairyland and I can’t tell if that’s it’s actual name or the name one of the Bois gave it jokinly

Because if fairyland is it’s serious name, that’s hilarious

No shade Violet I’m just easily amused

Y’know I always forget how young these bois are

Then I remember Lo’s not even 18 by the time the after main plot one-shots come in to play

So like

Damn son they young

I feel double bad for all of them

Triple bad for Ro- the Serpent King’s head will be mine I swEAR

I think Ro’s been a knight twice

Tho if you ask me he’s only been a knight once

Because I refuse to associate him in any way to the dick that is Durant if I can help it so he’s only ever been Vi’s knight suck it

Apparently like almost all of Wickhills hate the Sander bois

Probably the LAMP crew too idk

What I mean to say is despite how desperate I want to live there a lot of Wickhills’s residents are jerkwads

I think I saw a post where Lo can do photosynthesis and idk if it’s a shitpost or not but in this mess of a post I have decided it is canon

Mainly because that’s cool and I would like to do photosynthesis

A new one-shot I didn’t read has sparked a lot of askes about a Matt

I believe this man to be Pat’s father

But I can make no promises as to the accuracy of this belief

Did Linda come out of a tree?

idk why but I feel like she did

That’s weird man

How do you come out of a tree

(me @ me: ‘you could... you could read the fic and find out’

So turns out I can shut the hell up

I am a bitch who understands nothing)

And I have ONCE MORE gotten off track oof

My favorite part of reading LAOFT is all the fae knowledge I learn

Really has sparked my interest in fae

Even if I’ll never know enough to do anything with it asfsdfb

Plus apparently Vi just sprinkles in her own fae lore here and there

Which is super cool

But also means if I tried to write something I’m quite sure someone would be like ‘umm this isn’t true’ and I would feel played

Also what is up with Vi and Lo and rainfall

In that one fic where they hide in a tree and Logan senses a raindrop

His skin breaks open and sews itself together????

wtf????

So confusion

But hey guess whose bitch’s fault that is

*finger guns at a mirror*

ELDRITCH MONSTORITY

That’s not at ALL how you spell it but that’s it that’s the thing that was in Thomas’s head

Go me for remembering it

Fae land has a lot of customs and I know very few of them

Tho I do adore that one Flirt fic

Poor poor Virgil

Oh yeah Logan can make these super cool bushes

I know he used one rose bush when fighting someone who’s name started with a Mrs/Miss

Yes I know the first name wasn’t actually Mrs/Miss

But all I know of her name is Mrs/Miss something

And he used another bush against some idiot of a fae who grabbed Patton

By the way go protective Lo go

Like they can all get crazy protective of each other and I LIVE for it

ROMAN HAD HIS MEMORIES SPLIT UP??????

I mean I knew about a Night Roman and a Day Roman but I thought that was

like

a metaphor 

Like Roman acted differently during the night because he was stuck with a monster whom I shall revive simply to kill again

And he was trying to be separate from that person??

Or something like that

But NOPE

Serpent King is a Bastard of a being and I would happily crush his wind pipe beneath my foot

I hope the most amusing part of this sleep-drunk post is my different names for Durant the Dead Bitch because I am having fun insulting him

Okay listen peeps that is not even CLOSE to everything about this series but I wrote this over a couple of days, and my memory of what has been written and hasn’t been written is nonexistent, and if you think I’m rereading this to edit, you’re a fool (no offense) so like. We’re just gonna do a wrap-up summary and call it good.

Summary: Gay fae messes who should figure out the value of communication get themselves in a LOT of shit because of their lack of said communication.

Also, final apologies to Violet, because LAOFT has incredibly deep, rich, intricate lore and my response to this lore is to grossly misrepresent it and also write this while I’m in the constant state of being sleep-deprived, and more or less acting like I’m drunk or smth

So uh. I hope this was amusing.