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rejaytionships · 8 months ago

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WLWeek 2024 Day 5 | Role/Ship Swap

where lady dimitrescu is now a selfshipper (and mother of three who also selfship), and she gets really into this one character from her favorite game series. posts are in chronological order

(ilona sort of takes over her role, but with some differences)

@rexscanonwife this was such a silly prompt i love it askjdfhdsjk

🍷 lady-alcina-ships Follow

Finally, I'm getting around to the newest Resident Evil game. My daughters have been absolutely begging me to play and see this new man-thing of the week they've been obsessing over. Personally, I'm far more excited for the story, but we shall see.

#letters from alcina #resident evil

(3 notes)

🍷 lady-alcina-ships Follow

The introduction was alright. I still cannot fathom what on Earth my beautiful girls see in someone such as Chris Redfield, especially after his treatment of that poor woman and child. Ethan is passable for now, I can respect his drive to save his family. Perhaps he should have started by never trusting that large oaf of a man, but I suppose not everyone is perfect.

I will update when anything else happens, likely when I arrive at the village.

#letters from alcina #resident evil

(1 notes)

🍷 lady-alcina-ships Follow

Well, now. I wasn't expecting it to be this fast, but...

My dear mutuals, I believe I might have a new crush. Not quite sure yet, however; we will have to see what this character is like.

❤️ daniredfield Follow

hehehe its that one lady from the manor isnt it mother >:3c youre gonna like herrr oooooh

@ belabat @ crushing-with-cassie GET IN HERE LOL I'M LITERALLY GONNA SCREAM---

🦇 belabat Follow

it would make sense, honestly. my money's also on countess powers, she feels like mom's type.

😈 crushing-with-cassie Follow

incoming horde of commissions she'll be hanging on her walls! lol. it's definitely that hot brunette lady by the way. unless it's mother miranda but let's be real mom always preferred those more typical types of women anyways

❤️ daniredfield Follow

RIGHT she would sooooo date ethan if he was a man XDDD

🍷 lady-alcina-ships Follow

Girls, quit clogging my notes with your nonsense.

#letters from alcina #reblog #i will neither confirm nor deny who it is as of now

(11 notes)

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

Username change.

lady-alcina-ships -> lady-alcina-powers

Edit: Yes, darlings, I get it. You were right. I'm going to mute this post now so I don't keep getting spammed by your incessant clamoring in the comments.

#letters from alcina #username change

(67 notes)

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

Goodness, where do I begin with this woman?

Countess Ilona Powers, what a tragic tale you are. The newest of the lords to turn, only having done so a mere year prior to Ethan's arrival.

You and Excella both deserved better than that horrible man-thing Albert, and I'm sure bearing his child after his demise was not easy for you. You turned to protect your daughter Keegan, and truly, I would have done the same for my own girls.

I know you come off so dark and brooding to protect yourself, but I like to imagine that somehow I could find a way to your heart. Perhaps I would even let you turn me into your kind as well, and we could raise our beautiful daughters together.

In another world, that horrid Ethan would have never laid a finger on you. We could isolate ourselves from the pain of the world, together in your manor, sitting by the fire and holding each other in our arms.

I have been thinking of an insert, and I would love for her to have a more old-fashioned aura to her. I want to wear beautiful, silky dresses, and be the cat that fights for you at every turn. The way those other lords step all over you disgusts me; they don't know a woman of power when they see it. Darling, your surname is Powers for a reason!

Perhaps the Countess and I could bond over our shared turmoil with past amours, along with our love for our daughters over anything else.

You are the perfect woman. If only you were real...

I should acquire a beautiful portrait, just like what we could have hanging centerfold in your beautiful place of residence.

#letters from alcina #r; the countess and the lady #countess powers #ilona powers

(13 notes)

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

I have just ordered a painted commission for my room. I will update you all when it arrives.

🦇 belabat Follow

we support you, but was spending eight thousand dollars on a giant oil painting necessary? for a character you only started crushing on this morning?

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

And how much have you and your sisters spent on commission art in the past six months over characters you haven't known for much longer?

🦇 belabat Follow

fair point.

❤️ daniredfield Follow

AW CMON mother thats sooo different. at least its not all in one piece!!!!!!!

😈 crushing-with-cassie Follow

bitch you literally spend fifty bucks a day i think every single selfship artist knows you on a first name basis now just based on seeing a picture of your insert sent to them

❤️ daniredfield Follow

youre just jealous i get more chrissy-poo art than you do of yourself and stinky old brad vickers XP

😈 crushing-with-cassie Follow

watch out danielle i know where you sleep

🦇 belabat Follow

should we really be doing this again in mother's notes?

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

You're all going to be grounded if you keep it up.

😈 crushing-with-cassie Follow

we're literally in our 20s how are you going to ground us

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

Who here funds your commissioning antics, exactly?

😈 crushing-with-cassie Follow

sorry mother

❤️ daniredfield Follow

sorry mother

🍷 lady-alcina-powers Follow

That's what I thought. Now, get off your phones and help me figure out where this new painting will be hung.

#letters from alcina #reblog #exhibit a of life with three daughters

(413 notes)

AAAAAAAND SCENE goodbye selfshippers i just wanted a small snippet into the life of normal woman alcina. hope this is ok <3

#jay's jots #wlweek 2024 #ilona powers #alcilona #selfship #self ship community #self ship writing #self insert community #self insert #the countess

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delicrieux · 4 years ago

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☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 "𝚘𝚑"

PART 8: CAT BOYS

... it’s late into the night and y/n is streaming with one of her new friends, sykkuno. running on caffeine and redbull is apparently not enough because she falls asleep on his shoulder 45 minutes into their cyberpunk gameplay. at that exact moment, twitter goes up in flames.

─── corpse husband x reader, sykkuno x reader (because i was threatened by thirsty anons) ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 1.8k author’s note: here it is...what yall been asking for. literally had to add a new part for this but i loved this idea sm i couldnt just nOT NOT do it. i tried writing this with the same energy as the smau lmao so expect chaos as always. hope you enjoy it and as always lmk what u think! hopefully yall wont go too feral, but tbh thats prolly too much to ask for xx EDIT: srr for the fucky format tumbler dot com is being lame

ultimate masterlist. ҉ myso masterlist ҉ previous. ҉ next.

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Such a back and forth continues for the better part of the day as you get ready. Corpse only whines a bit when you forget to text him back - you are packing, and your prestigious cat ears you bought from Amazon for 10$ deserve exquisite care - which only fuels your seemingly bottomless hunger for mischief, leading to you sneakily ignoring him more. When your phone lights up with a message, you giggle, giddy with excitement. Your laughter only gets louder and more erratic, to the point where Rae had busted down your door and threw her Hello Kitty plush at you - one you’d gotten her, mind you! - and told you to just “Shut the fuck up!”

Ungrateful. You know not everyone can appreciate your sense of humor, or stand your hyena like cackle, but that was uncalled for and you told her as much. Noting the mess your room is in (more than usual, that’s for certain), she leans onto the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest, pretty brown eyes twinkling curiously, “Where you off to?”

“So I had this idea-” You start, but are promptly shut down with a raise of her palm.

“Already know it’s a bad one.”

Insulted, and hurt, you clutch your heart. As if she had not mocked you enough today, “Rae...The hell, that’s so mean...” You mutter, face scrunching into a soft frown, “I only wanted to tell you what me and Syk thought of.”

“Oh?” Intrigued, she raises a brow, “Continue.”

“Gee, thanks for letting me this time.” You mumble, rolling your eyes, “So. We thought we’d stream together. The catch? In the same room! We’ll be playing Cyberpunk. Gotta cash in while the hype is still up.” You add, making her snort, “And, ya know, the whole cat boy business...We’ll be wearing matching cat ears. Admit it, I’m a genius.”

She’s quiet for a moment, mulling over your words; you can practically see the gears in her head turning. She glances around the room, then briefly at you, strangely apprehensive. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

Well, that is definitely not what you expected her to say. You figured it’d be more along the lines of you’d be one ugly cat. “Huh?” Is all you manage to stutter, “What do you mean?”

She gives you a look, one all people give when something is so plainly obvious, “Y/n. You do know the stans will go wild, right? And you do remember our conversation involving Corp-”

“Nope!” You exclaim cheerily with a bright smile to match. You don’t want to think about that. The relationship between you and Corpse is strictly platonic, and besides, seeing Twitter loosing their shit is always funny, and you never miss an opportunity to mess with your fans. Sykkuno is also a good friend, albeit a new one. This supposed flirting from Corpse’s end Rae deduced was nothing more than her projecting her feelings onto the situation. She always liked shoujo anime and was probably thinking one was happening right in front of her. Not a chance. Corpse was just being a friendly crackhead. Your energies mesh beautifully.

Like, beautifully in a strictly friend way. Absolutely nothing more than that.

She gives up, naturally, arguing with a wall would be more productive than arguing with you. You’re such a (Zodiac sign).

“Well,” She mumbles, ticking her head to the side, leaning off of the door frame and turning to leave, “Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

Your grin melts as soon as she leaves. Glancing at your bag, you shove your last necessities in with newfound hesitance.

Nothing bad will happen, right?

...Right?

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It is well past the generally set “appropriate” time to hang out, but since quarantine, what is appropriate anymore anyway? You’ve never been in Sykkuno’s apartment, but now that you’re here it’s...strangely him. Every corner seems tailored to his specific requirements. It’s cozy, and pleasantly warm - it’s a bit chilly in LA, as surprising as that is.

He’s even shyer than you remember him being. And a whole lot more awkward, but in an endearing way, a way that makes you want to laugh and try to reassure him that it’s just you and he has nothing to worry about. While you hung out only once, the history you share is rich and tender. From him following you on Twitter and subsequently prematurely ending your stream, to kidnapping a stray cat affectionately named Juan. His long lost brother, Juan (no the Second, just Juan), lives in your Minecraft server.

His stream room is sadly bare. There’s an appalling lack of merch or fairy lights. Not even led-lights. It’s a good thing you brought your own. As you try to decided which color would be best - his signature lime green, reminiscent of his adorable Among Us astronaut, or, perhaps, mischievous violet? - he boots the game and tweets out a quick “streaming with y/n in ten mins! come one come all!”

“You should probably tell your fans, too.” He mumbles, looking somewhere above your shoulder. You settle with cherry blossom pink. Glancing at him, you shrug.

“Ah, do it for me, please?”

“Oh!” He hiccups, “Uhm, I wouldn’t want to pry and I don’t know your password and-”

“It doesn’t have a password.” You had removed it, knowing something like this would happen. Bless your foresight, you did not want him to know it was demonspiitinmymouth. Before he could protest further, you rush to the nearest mirror to put on your cat ears and make sure they aren’t crooked. You look absolutely adorable. The cat boys in your dms will go feral. Hell, you might just go feral looking at yourself! Sykkuno is not ready. No one is. This will be a stream to remember.

When you return (with flourish of course), he’s anxiously fidgeting by his computer, his own little cat ears, one’s he wore for the Halloween stream, peaking out from his silky brown hair. You have to suppress a squeal. When he catches you gaze he gives the kindest, sweetest little smile.

“They, uh--” He points at you, then decides it’s rude to point, bringing his hand back to his lap, then clutching his mouse, lastly releasing a sound stuck between a chuckle and a wheeze, “suit you, uhm, a lot!” He finishes with a resolute nod, quickly spinning in his chair and away from you.

This is the reaction you desired. All is going according to plan. Is this what God feels like? If not, then you pity her. She’s missing out.

Taking a seat next to him - he had been gracious enough to haul you a spare chair from the kitchen - you draw closer, and he, instinctively, shrinks away with another nervous chuckle.

“You have, uhm... I-I didn’t look!” He quickly chimes. You raise a brow, “Uhm, unopened messages? From Corpse? He texted you when I was tweeting! I didn’t mean to look, I’m sorry-”

Instantly, you recall the famous vine with the scandalous “daddy chill” line, though refrain from saying it aloud. You love havoc, but you’re not evil (Rae would ardently disagree with you, though). Instead, you just shrug, “’S fine, don’t worry. I’ll text him back later. Let’s start?”

He nods, but doesn’t look at you. Granted, you don’t think he glanced at you even once since you returned, “...Okay. Ready?”

“Ready!”

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You’re much too immersed into the game and Sykkuno’s twitch chat to even check what’s happening on Twitter, but your estimated guess is that everyone’s going crazy. The stream chat is unruly as well, but missing the signature Twitter spark. Most of the chaos is bravely lead by your fans. Sykkuno’s, much like the man himself, are too nice to scream so unabashedly.

Perhaps you excitement had been a bit too taxing, perhaps drinking 5 coffees and 2 energy drinks today and not enough water are to blame for the sudden drowsiness you’re feeling, but you can’t focus on the swimming chat or the abundance of cut-scenes at the starting point of the game. You steadily draw nearer and he, more composed in front of his audience, doesn’t react. About ten more minutes of hoovering by his shoulder and muttering soft commentary, and you feel yourself slipping.

The last coherent thought you have is a few choice words directed at caffeine itself for having the opposite effect of you at the worst time possible.

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You float in oblivion for perhaps ten minutes at best. Once you awake with a startle, you shower Sykkuno in shy apologies and he quickly reassures you that it’s fine and that he didn’t mind at all!

“Though,” He adds after a thoughtful pause, “not sure if it was very, uh, comfortable?”

His stream chat spams uwu and variations of similar kind. The stream continues for a few more hours before the both of you wish everyone a good night.

While you planned on wreaking absolute havoc, this sudden falling asleep was unexpected. You pondered the consequences of such an innocent, unplanned act whilst ubering home, fearing to check your phone which by now was blowing up with not only Twitter notifications but also Rae’s angry messages that vaguely read “what the fuck y/n”. Within the past two hours she had left 57 messages on all platforms collectively, including 7 calls.

Corpse’s last text was over three hours ago.

Now that’s strange. Worry festers quickly. Briefly glancing at your surroundings - the pretty glimmer of passing street lights, neon signs, familiar buildings - you decide that it’s time to check what kind of nuclear explosion you’ve caused.

Your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach as you scroll past the hundreds of tweets and mentions. Scan through Rae’s messages.

You had failed to prepare ahead. Every explosion of such kind is followed by nuclear winter. And Corpse’s lack of messages feels especially cold.

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Not you smiling like a fucking idiot reading his last message! You shrink into the backseat, afraid the driver will accidentally look into the rear-view mirror and see you a bit too happy before asking questions. Good news? Yeah, but it’s not like it’s his any beeswax! In the words of Rihanna, just shut up and drive.

This argument had not yet happened, but you’re preparing, just in case.

As you think up of potential scenarios, your eyes drill into Corpse’s goodnight text. You’ve looked at it enough. Time to turn the phone screen off. Leave the app, at the very least. When the screen dims you instantly press on it to wake it up. This is embarrassing. Maybe the deadly amount of caffeine really did mess you up, big time. Your heart races in your chest, painfully almost. You feel a bit sick. Worst of all, you can’t stop smiling.

A notification from Rae makes you snap out of it. Ah, one more demon to deal with.

However, before you talk to her, you really need to tell Twitter that you’re not with Sykkuno. And apologize to Sykkuno as well.

At least Corpse doesn’t hate you.

Fucking hell, just exit the chat you idiot!

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

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fa-by · 3 years ago

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Help a friend out

Hey my babies, how are you?

Can I ask you a favor? Could you go report (as ‘spam’ will do) this post: https://www.instagram.com/p/CWmmdNNMT0G/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link?

This person, whoever they are, has been very disrespectful to me and to what I asked to all of you in my AMAs post. These kinds of people are exactly the reason why I regret every single time doing posts like that. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to all of you who are kind and respect other people's decisions.

I know they didn't copy what I wrote (thankfully, at least one thing), but they still stole some of my pics, and worst thing, they tagged Carlene and Chelsea in two of them. The point is, they could very well have gone to the original accounts that some of those pics came from (Mila's and Justine's ones) and taken screenshots from them, but no. They had to steal those from me, plus some that I created myself as collages. I did research and wasted hours and days putting everything together for that post. I mean, you guys know this. You know how long it took me to create that post. I know this isn't that bad compared to anything else because they're just pics, but it doesn't make it right anyway. It doesn't make it right for me, and for all those who like me, work their asses off to then get ‘robbed’ just like that.

And yeah, I'm also talking about a lot of you here on Tumblr. I saw two YouTube channels, one called Chonops Production and the other one called Kellyzzlee CS, who like to steal posts from here and post them as if they were their own work. I know about Chonops Production because they stole one of my love’s posts about Thinkin' 'Bout One for which she had to ask them to delete it. And the first time, they pretended to do it by hiding it to then posting it again, and the second time, just a few days ago, I myself started reporting them because the video was back there again. As for Kellyzzlee CS, on the other hand, I know about them because they stole every single analysis of @karlaswine passing it off as their own (I told Karla's Wine when I found out), and then, since she's on an indefinite hiatus, Kellyzzlee CS started to steal someone else's analysis from here on Tumblr. I don't remember from who, guys, and I'm really sorry, but if you wrote analysis, then I recommend you to go check their channels because your work might have been stolen by them without you even noticing it.

People like una_camren_shipper_mas / Fernanda Lieberher, Chonops Production, and Kellyzzlee CS, are people who like to steal from others and take their credit. Credit of a work they didn't do. Credit they don't deserve.

And I'm referring to you three now. I don't know if Chonops Production and Kellyzzlee CS are following me or if they'll read this through some re-blogs, but I'm referring especially to you una_camren_shipper_mas / Fernanda Lieberher that you stole from me. Instead of taking what's not yours from others without asking their permission and passing it off as your work, why don’t you learn to be less lazy and use your brain to create something instead of stealing it from others? Oh, oh, wait. I do know the answer. Because it's easy in your way, right? It's simply easier to steal, post, and get praised for that because anyway the other ones who follow you don't know it's stolen, right? Wow. Congratulations. My most sincerely fake congratulations 👏🏼.

When I noticed this, my girlfriend commented in their post with her finsta:

Translation: “Those pictures are not yours, they belong to a CS fan that explicitly asked that her theories and pictures were not uploaded in other social media outside Tumblr. Please * hide the post * and contact the owner of the post where you copied the pictures from so that she can tell you if she wants and in which way you can post her theories or edits.”

She was nice to them. And what did una_camren_shipper_mas / Fernanda Lieberher do? Not only did they completely ignore her, but they deleted her comment and blocked her. Then I commented with my finsta, and after seeing that the pics were still there, I commented a second time by giving them the last chance to make up for it. But guess what? They deleted my comments and blocked me too. This happened today. And now I'm tired of their attitude. So, babies, I'm asking you too the favor to go report that post please 🙏🏼. The more reports are accumulated (I don't know how many exactly are needed) the more the social network concerned, in my case IG, is required to take action by shutting the post down.

This is what people like that deserve. And if you want, even report anyone else who has stolen (without asking permission and without giving credit) something that doesn't belong to them on other social media because it's really not fair to the owners. I know that this kind of thing like ‘reporting’ someone/something may seem silly to you, but it's not, because it's a way to teach that kind of people a lesson.

As small as this thing may look, it can at least make one difference. And who knows, if everyone started doing it, it might make a big difference because those people would stop doing it (stealing other people's work).

Thanks for your time, and thanks in advance to all those who are gonna actually do it for real and that won't just read this 🙏🏼❤.

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magic-is-something-we-create · 4 years ago

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Hello! You can call me Pax, I use he/him pronouns, I'm 21+, and this is my hybrid writeblr/artblr! I use the name P. K. Finn for writing, and most of my art is marked with an @alittlewarlord tag.

I’m always tag game, ask, and random DM friendly, so long as you’re respectful! I’m particularly fond of worldbuilding, last line tags, and any games that have to do with music.

While I literally won't stop using Tumblr until the servers go down permanently, I also have a Cohost and Pillowfort if/when that eventually happens. In general, if you want to find me anywhere online, my username is alittlewarlord!

- NAVIGATION -

[+ About Page] | [+ FAQ Page] | [+ WIP Page]

(+ About Tag) | (+ Braindumps Tag) | (+ Answered Asks)

(+ My Writing) | (+ My Art) | (+ Weekly(ish) Writing Updates)

Writing liveblogs are tagged as #writing liveblog mm.dd.yy (e.g. #writing liveblog 1.2.23 for January 2nd, 2023). Feel free to block the day’s tag if you aren’t in the mood for my spammed reblog chain the first time you see it, you won’t miss out on future ones if you do like it on occasion.

Most of the posts on here are queued. The most common navigation tags are below if you ever need to find a post you lost or just want to go exploring.

- HOW TO SUPPORT ME -

If you particularly like my art, I open 8 commission slots at the start of every month over on Ko-Fi! (Closed for the month of June, 2024)

Pricing for those can be found here.

Note: This pinned post will always have the most accurate information outside of the Ko-Fi listings themselves when it comes to remaining slot count.

I also have membership tiers on both Ko-Fi and Patreon! Benefits range from weekly write-in livestreams to early access for shorter projects, and higher tiers even get exclusive commission discounts and complementary monthly art requests!

(+ Ko-Fi) | (+ Patreon)

- WIPS -

All of my writing includes majority-queer casts, often in the “gender is immaterial”, “polyamory and asexuality are more common than you think”, and “family isn’t bound to blood” directions.

Most is meant for adult audiences, as I tend to tackle violence, trauma, horror, and the like with explicit detail that may make some uncomfortable; please keep in mind that the trigger warnings I give to excerpts are always “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” in the sense that everything I tag is going to show up within the post.

My eternal main project is...

- THE MILLENNIUM SAGA -

(Titles link to intro posts, tags link to all content posted thus far.)

Book one: Firebreathers (+ tag) - Book two: Echoseers (+ tag) - Book three: Goddess-Touched (+ tag) - Book four: Fate Weavers (unintroduced) (+ tag) - Book five and beyond: Titles Undetermined - Avatar: the Last Airbender x Red Rising x The Search for WondLa - High Fantasy/Steampunk. A socially anxious and PTSD-ridden revolutionary gets dragged into helping the Chosen One who supposedly saved the world 1000 years ago, and with the help of their showy acrobat boyfriend, the son of a banished noble, and their mostly-found family, they might just save it for real this time. Set in the Ehlverse. | (+ Character Intros tag) (+ world tag)

Firebreathers is complete and edited multiple times over at 158k words. I am waiting on querying and further beta reading rounds until I can get further into the series drafting-wise.

Draft one of Echoseers is complete and edited once over at 146k words.

Drafting of Goddess-Touched is on its third attempt as of April, 2024.

In early 2023, I also returned to...

- WHISPERS -

Formal Intro | Comic Sans Intro (+ tag) - Six of Crows x Carrie x The Magnus Archives - Dark Fantasy/Noir. Three unwilling lackeys of a Sorceress crime lord dealing in life debts and terrorism-friendly morality try to escape, and one woman across the continent searches for answers to her sister's disappearance thirty years after the fact. Set in the Ehlverse, ~11 years after Firebreathers. (+ gen. worldbuilding wednesday tag)

First editing pass is complete at 176k words; it's now with beta readers, and I will begin querying as soon as the critique period is complete in July.

- THE LOST - @thelost-comic -

INTRO - (+ tag) The Hunger Games x Dimension 20: A Starstruck Odyssey x Iron Widow - Space Opera/Dystopia. Webcomic. In this corner of the universe, the term "Media Empire" is extremely literal; the Watchers control the entire galactic filament with their broadcasts of coliseum fights, mindless attention fodder, and propaganda. But when something goes horribly, horribly wrong during the latest fight, they lose their Champion, their opponent, and one of their most prized war criminals in the chaos of the moment. And everyone knows the Champion was champion for a reason.

Read it for free now! [X]

I also have a couple side projects, but their updates are few and far-between right now. The only one previously introduced here is an Urban Fantasy road trip, so take a peek behind the cut for the blurb and a link to the intro if that intrigues you!

DEITY COMPLEX (+ tag) - Percy Jackson and the Olympians x NADDPod: Trinyvale x American Gods - Urban Fantasy/Roadtrip. Evading the government while trying not to become a cryptid sighting meme on social media, and also you might have an ancient deity of death hitchhiking in your brain and occasionally turning you into a wolf. Set on an Alternate Earth where everyone has a little magic.

Currently drafting/planning at 5k words..

#nav #for those where the tag links dont work (aka if youre on mobile)#i tend to shorten everything besides wip tags and the occasional personal post so:#my content tags are:#snip #my.art #braindumps.txt #a&a #and for reblogs we have:#misc #others #prompt #mot #res #ref #pub #adv #<- need to rearrange those to correspond to links but im on mobile at the time of editing so </3

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baubuttercup · 4 years ago

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Mini Garcia pt1/ Spencer Reid

Summery: Y/N is the new Tech Analyst intern under her mentor Penelope Garcia and has just started her first day at the BAU. During a case Y/N get a few calls from a not so familiar boy genius who seeks her help...or does he seek more?

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warning: Fluff/none

A/N: This is the first of many stories i will be writing and i look forwarding to writing more. I haven’t fully edited it but hope you enjoy it :)

Please Interact for more Spencer Reid/ MGG fics!!

“you will be fine trust me, you are already a natural and thats coming from yours truly” you were so nervous because today was your first day working at the BAU as a Tech Analyst Intern. Penelope was the one who got you the job working along side her. She was your teacher, mentor, and even your close friend and you knew working with her would be nothing less than entertaining. “P what if they don’t like me or I don’t fit into their group, you told me that they were like family” you followed the women wearing a floral dress with glittery high heel through the halls of the FBI coming to a stop next to two glass doors. “Y/N before we go in you are going to take three deep breathes and snap the hell out of it, cause you my little prized protege, will fit in just fine, so stop over thinking and pull yourself together”. I inhale three breathes before she pulled the glass door opened guiding me into a large room which from memory i think she had called it the “Bullpen”. As we walked in i noticed in the corner of my eyes a man and a women eyeing me up and down. The man was large and muscled, he was appealing to the eye, just not preferably my type “Babygirl who is this fine little thin-” Penelope put her hand out barricading me from the man “cool it hot cakes, she is pure” I chuckled under my breath at her immediate response “This Derek chocolate thunder Morgan is the new Intern, working beside me as i mentor her into become the next best Garcia, Y/n meet Derek Morgan” we both extend our hands to go in for a friendly handshake “Oh and this fine ass piece of women is Jennifer Jareau” I smile shaking the pretty blondes hand “JJ for short its lovely to meet you” she hesitated for a moment before continuing “You seem so young, if you don’t mind me asking how old you are” I nervously try not to stutter upon my words “Oh um-m yeah i’m 20, but I got into the early acceptance program for computer programming and coding at Georgetown and now i’m here” Derek and JJ both exchange stairs before Derek opens his mouth “you, princess should meet our resident genius, i’m sure you two would get along quite well” JJ chuckles before giving Derek a smirk “OH YES how could I have forgotten about boy genius, where is he by the way” A tall dark haired man and a slightly shorter Italian looking man appeared from behind us “Reid and Prentiss are at a conference they will be meeting us in San Francisco” He looked intently at the group surrounding me then turned to look at me “You must be Y/N L/N, i’m Aaron Hotchner but please call me Hotch, and this is David Rossi, we are happy to have you on board, Garcia has spoken very highly of you” both men shake my hand firmly “I’m glad to be on board sir and thank you for this amazing opportunity” Hotch goes to say something before he was cut off by a text message appearing on his phone. “Wheels us now, they need us down their asap, Garcia brief us on the plane” and with that they were all making their way to the elevator. “Come on little Einstein we have work to do”

Garcia had just finished briefing the team on the case they were assigned to. From what i could catch it was about a Zodiac killer who had been killing over a decade ago and has recently just started up again. I tried to listen in and take note on everything Garcia was doing because god knows this job is fast past and i don’t want to fall behind on my first day. I found myself continuously zoning out thinking back to what that Morgan guy said about a “resident genius”. Who was he and why was Morgan so sure we would get along. So many questions were crossing my mind, before i heard Garcia’s voice continuously saying “Earth to my little oracle, hello, Y/N come back down to earth little one” i snap back to reality seeing Garcia waving her hand in front of of me “oh sorry- P who was that resident genius Morgan spoke about earlier” she spun in her chair making eye contact with me smirking “Oh my god yes Reid, how could i forget again. So you didn’t meet Emily Prentiss she is a total kick ass babe who is super cool and Spencer Reid who is a total genius with an eidetic memory and a whopping I.Q of 187″ i began to open my mouth to say something when Garcia interrupted “you guys would totally be so cute together, i need to set you two up, it would be a match made in heaven” I blush, a little taken back by the abrupt comments made by Garcia who is now really cheery “P calm down i haven’t event met the guy and i think you are a little in over your head” she looks at me still smirking “you are already intrigued by him aren’t you” just as i was about to stop her, the computer phone began to ring and the caller I.D was most clearly someone i didn’t even know yet but for some reason already was under affect by “ANSWER IT” Garcia motioned to the headset on my head “no i don’t even know what to say” she pointed at me with her fluffy unicorn pen “answer the phone i trained you for this” I reluctantly answered and within seconds i was met with a masculine yet soft voice on the other line “Hey Garcia I need you to track the ISP of the user who entered the spam comment to an internet cafe” I immediately got butterflies in my stomach, no stop Y/N you have never met this person and Garcia is just getting in your head, you continue to remind yourself. “U-mm i’m sorry I-I’m not Garcia i’m Y/N L/N the new Tech Analyst intern” I began to fidget with my figures staring between the plasma computer screens and Garcia “Oh Hi, I’m Reid, I mean I’m Spencer, let me start over I’m Dr Spencer Reid but you can call me Spencer or Reid, nice to meet you” my nerves begin to calm at the sound of his voice and the fact that he sounded just as nervous as me. I look to Garcia as she was smiling and motioning her hands to continue the conversation “Oh um-m sorry, you needed me to track the ISP of the user who entered the spam comment to an internet cafe...right?”I patiently await his response, which seemed like forever “Yeah, if you can do that, that would be great, thanks” I look to Garcia once again as she gives me a reassuring smile of encouragement before i turn to the monitors and type away, I remember everything Garcia taught me about the bureau system and was surprising easier to manoeuvre once actually assigned to a task “Hey um Reid, you still there?” thinking maybe he hung up “still here buttercup...um i mean Y/N” Garcia nudged me overhearing what Reid had just said and was cheering in the air, I quickly regained focus “so yeah unfortunately the unsub used a prepaid credit card, so I don’t have an I.D, i’m sorry” i felt my nerves regain their position in my stomach as i thought i didn’t do a good job “Thats okay, thanks for your help L/N and am excited to meet you in person, hopefully soon” I blush quickly at his comment, this going unnoticed by Garcia who is in her own world of happiness at the moment. “Yeah same goes for you, take care and if you need anything else you know where to find us” I end the call not wanting to make anymore of a fool of myself than i already have “BUTTERCUP, HE CALLED YOU BUTTERCUP” I groan at Garcia’s response already embarrassed by the ordeal “Y/N i know Reid and i have know him for many years, never in my time of being in boy geniuses presence have i ever heard him call someone BUTTERCUP” a million things swoop through my mind in that moment, why did he call me that, was it a fluke, was he just trying to be friendly, what am i saying i have literally never met this guys before its for sure nothing. I turn my head to Garcia giving her a please stop looking at me face, before she puts her hands up in defence” Okay okay i’ll stop, but you guys would make cute babies” she whispered the last part just loud enough for me to catch it.

As time goes on I observe everything Garcia continues to do in order to find the details of the unsub. This job although seeming like fun is very high pressure and i made sure i noted down everything that Garcia done so i didn’t seem like the biggest failure in front of the team, or one team member in particular. The phone rang once again causing Garcia to answer it “He who seeks the queen of all knowledge, speak and be recognised” I chuckle under my breath at the witty response before i felt a tap on my shoulder “Pretty boy wants to speak with you” I give her a confused look “Boy genius, girly” I straighten up and answer my headset “Hello L/N speaking” i try to analyse why on earth he would want to speak with me and before he got a chance to answer a million conclusions were rushing through my mind “Hey L/N, long time no speak” there was a pause in the background before i heard a male chuckle and whisper “thats one way to get the girl Reid” he cleared his throat before continuing on “So i just thought i’d give you more training so can you run something for me” I physically prepare myself for what he is about to ask, ensuring i don’t screw this up “I need you to compile a list of people with I.Qs of 160 and above in the region” I type away trying to speed up so i don’t slow the team down “I’m checking with the bay area mensa society which is kind of slumming cause folks can get in with a measly I.Q of 130″ Reid chuckled at my statement making me feel more comfortable about what i was doing “try and check old school records, we’re looking for someone who is in his 20′s or 30′s” as I am intensely try my best to recover these names it appears in front of me “BINGO, Caleb Rossmore and Harvey Morell, they both have I.Qs over 160 and get this they both use to write about the Zodiac in their junior high school newspaper” I smile at myself, kinda proud at what i just accomplished on my own “thats amazing, thanks Y/N and tell Garcia she has the best intern” I smile to myself satisfied that i done something right and that Reid thought so too. “Yes that’s my little Einstein, ah you are moulding into a beautiful little Garcia, how proud i am right now

The team had just got back from catching both Caleb Rossmore and Harvey Morell and Garcia had gone to greet Morgan at the elevators. I had stayed behind packing my belonging as i was ready to head home to my fluffy dog Milo and sleep for hours. A knock on the door startled me. I abruptly turn around and was met with a tall figure who had beautiful brown eyes and shaggy hair. “Hi, I’m so sorry to have startled you, I’m Spencer Reid the one that kept annoying you on the phone” I feel my cheeks heat up from the sight of how pretty this boy was “um yes, i mean no you weren't annoying at all if anything you gave me the training i need, so i should be thanking you, and I’m Y/N L/N” Reid stuck out his hand which took me by surprise because according to Garcia he was not a handshaker and refused to shake hands with anyone, stating that even kissing was more sanitary “Well, in that case i’m glad to be of assistance and its nice to officially meet you Y/N” we stared in each others eyes for a few moments before we were met by Penelope and Morgan “Hey guys you have met, yay, okay now can we go this princess is getting bags under her eyes and those aren’t the kind of bags i want” we all laugh at Garcia’s remark as we start to head towards the elevator. “So I heard you went to Georgetown” i look up at the brunette boy who was gazing down at me “yeah, I actually graduated this year, which i’m kind of sad” “oh why’s that” I look straight into his eyes “I like educating myself, and expanding my field of study is something that i genuinely enjoy, so i’m kind of sad its over, but i’m looking at going for my PHD in Computer engineering” Reid looked me deeper in my eyes without saying anything, just then i heard a murmur “they will make such cute babies and i’m going to be the best godmother” and with that the elevator doors open and we all began to file in.

I may have just met Spencer Reid but i have a feeling we are definitely going to be getting along.

#matthewgraygubler #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer x you #spencer x reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds smut #mgg x y/n #mgg fanfiction #mgg pics #criminal minds x reader #mgg x reader #penelope garcia #derek morgan

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sanderssideswriting · 5 years ago

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Youtuber Life Chapter 2

Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

first next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

They’d been in LA for three months now, and it was going well, Virgil was best friends with Patton, Logan and Roman. And he called Janus and Remus all the time.

Virgil had to help his dad with a video, it of course involved getting some very expensive and almost impossible to get pallet which he’d compare the stuff from a drug store. He had to get it.

Janus called him after he saw the video “hook me up bitch,” he said.

Virgil laughed “no,” he said monotone.

“Come on! You have the connections! You can get two!”

“I know, but I’m not for hire.”

“I am your best friend, hook me up.”

“Still no, get it yourself or don’t get it. I’ll mail you the leftovers if you want.”

“You better not destroy it you bitch!”

“I buy it, I don’t decide how it’s used, later loser,” Virgil hung up, with Janus screaming bloody murder.

“Hey Virgil, how did you get an A on the English essay? I’ve been trying all year to get a good grade and I’ve only ever gotten a B,” Roman said looking at his latest grades.

“Pick a point that sort of makes sense and defend it like your life depends on it,” Virgil said not looking up from his phone, Janus was spamming him about the pallet.

“And she just assigned a partner project! Partners?” Roman said in disbelief.

“Sure, I don’t want to be partners with a straight girl again, that was a disaster.”

Roman gave Virgil a questioning look.

“Wanted me to be her ‘gay best friend’”

“Want to go over to one of our houses to work on it after school?”

Virgil nodded “we can do my place, my dad won’t care.”

They of course stopped by Starbucks to get coffee. Remy called.

“Get me coffee.”

“I’m not even at Starbucks.”

“SnapMaps says otherwise, get me Starbies I’m doing a charity livestream,”

“No, I’m here with a friend.”

“Are you-? Oh my god! You are!”

“OH MY GOD NEVER IMPLY THAT AGAIN! I will get you coffee just never ask me that again!” Virgil hung up.

“Hi, I’ll get five venti iced coffees, black, and make two of them decaf.” Virgil said to the barista.

The newest video on CoffeeAddiction’s channel was about said decaf coffees and how he had been betrayed by his intern.

Dukey: Your dad is so dramatic Raccoon: I know, I’m grounded for “all of eternity” hiss hiss motherfucker: so no Office this weekend? Raccoon: I’ll be watching with you guys Raccoon: If he actually grounded me I wouldn't be able to get him the pallet Dukey: you’re dad’s really cool Raccoon: are you kidding me? I’M A FUCKING MEME Raccoon: LITERALLY, on multiple occasions people have made me a meme hiss hiss motherfucker: what are you doing for Halloween? Raccoon: Something really fucking scary, as scary as I can get without a detention anyway Dukey: My brother likes make up, I COULD tell him that YOU said that he probably couldn’t do good make up, and then his pride would take over and you’d have a challenge Raccoon: DO IT! That’ll be SO fun Dukey: already did

Roman looked up from his phone “my brother just said that you said I can’t do make up?”

“Yeah, Like sure you can make yourself have a pretty face but can you scare the shit out of people? Halloween’s in a few days.”

Roman rolled his eyes “Make up is an art! I doubt you know much emo nightmare, all you have on is that horrendous eyeshadow.”

Virgil smirked “Then it should be no worry of who will win.”

“A challenge then, to whomever can do the best make up.” Roman said with a flourish.

“I accept, after school? That gives more creative freedom.”

Roman agreed and they shook on it.

Dukey: O F F E N D E D P R I N C E Y N O I S E S hiss hiss motherfucker: what the fuck Remus Dukey: It’s true

Virgil went into the make up closest (yes they had an actual make up closet) to get his supplies. “Dad! I need to use your make up!” Virgil shouted.

“Don’t break anything!”

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

So Virgil got to work. It took several tries to get it just right but by the end it looked perfect. Prefect enough to scare the shit out of Roman that is.

They met up at the Halloween party, or Virgil did, he got their early and waited for Roman to arrive.

And he did.

Virgil saw him walk in so he jumped up and into Roman’s face.

Roman screamed and so did several other people.

“Sup Princey,” he said.

Roman put his hand on his heart “that was the most terrifying thing ever!”

“Then I won, clearly. I mean that...….. mummy costume isn’t that impressive or scary.”

Roman once again looked offended.

“Well, I’ll take my leave, see ya later Princey.” And Virgil left the party.

He walked inside the house in triumph.

“Where did you go Virgil? You’re all decked out in Halloween stuff. OH. MY GOD. You went to a party! You’re first party!!!” Remy said. He was filming, presumably for a vlog or something.

“I just went because I challenged a friend to see who could do better scare make up,” Virgil explained.

“Gurl, if you lost I’m disowning you. We are the queens of make up in this house and I will not see my son lose at a makeup competition,” Remy said.

“I scared him shitless of course I won.”

“THAT’S MY SON!” Remy cheered.

Virgil left to go change while Remy resumed his vlog.

He texted Remus and Janus.

Raccoon: I scared your brother shitless Raccoon: ngl it was pretty funny Dukey: I WISH I could have seen it hiss hiss motherfucker: Why do you like tormenting him? Dukey: well he’s MY twin, it’s my job Raccoon: His “o f f e n d e d p r i n c e y n o i s e s” are funny hiss hiss motherfucker: get a video and I’ll make my verdict Raccoon: Alright judge Janus hiss hiss motherfucker: YOU ARE NOT MAKING THAT MY CONTACT Dukey: You don’t like Jay-nus? Raccoon: Mine for him is hiss hiss motherfucker hiss hiss motherfucker: I fucking dare you, raccoon eyes Raccoon: now you’re definitely not getting that pallet

At school Roman practically begged to show Virgil how he looked so creepy.

“Oh my god! Fine princey, this weekend I’ll fucking show you how I did it,” Virgil said after two days of nonstop begging.

Roman looked triumphant ta getting what he wanted.

When Virgil texted his dad. Virgil: In the closet this weekend Remy: awww is it that boy at the Starbucks? Virgil: You mean the one I scared the shit out of and now wants to know who I did it? yes Remy: ok, tell me what time so we can go into the closet Virgil: I will

That Saturday Roman would come over. So on Friday that ad to “go into the closet” their code meaning they had to clean up all the stuff that where indicators of them being YouTubers and hide it in a literal closet. The makeup closet was locked and so was the basement so no one could stray down there.

Roman arrived a few minutes early.

“Dad! He’s here!”

“I know that Virgil, I’ll be “working” if y’all need me, but I know you won’t,” Remy said going into the basement and locking the door, he said he would edit but it was more likely he’d watch the Office for the sixteenth time.

Roman knocked on the door “hey emo nightmare! So this is your humble abode I see,” Roman said looking around.

“Yeah, my dad’s working in the basement, he said he’s doing something important, but he’s probably watching the Office again, either way he said not to disturb him,” Virgil said.

“I can hear you Virgil!” Remy shouted.

“Anyway, let’s go to my room so I can show you how I did the whole vampire look,” Virgil said.

When Roman saw his room he looked around “I pictured your room having a lot more black then this.”

Virgil’s room had only one wall where his bed was that was black, the rest was white, he had to admit it made the room look a lot more open then if it had been all black. Over the past two months Virgil had been painting purple patches on the black like in his old room in Atlanta.

“My dad refused to let me paint the whole room black because it would look terrible and I’d ruin the vibes,” Virgil said.

“He was right, but alas I’m not here to admire the décor of your room, I’m here to see how you did that makeup,” Roman said.

Virgil already had the stuff out “I know that Princey, come on, I’ll show you how to do it,” Virgil said.

They where halfway through when Roman said “you sound like a beauty channel,” he said.

Virgil stopped for a second before saying “well I’m doing it on your face, it would be a waste of good make up if you didn’t understand how I did it.”

“True, but you totally sound like James Charles,” Roman said.

Virgil winced “don’t let my dad hear you say that, he hates that guy.”

“Is he homophobic or something?”

Virgil smirked “no, we’re both gay. He just hates him and if you say his name around him, he might deck you. Or ban you from the espresso machine.”

Roman gave Virgil a weird look. “State of the art espresso machine, trust me, after you’ve had some you’ll regret ever getting banned.”

He laughed “so you’re both coffee addicts.”

“You should have seen his reaction when he realized that some of the coffee I got him was decaf.” Virgil smirked.

Roman laughed “like the Coffee Addiction video, I didn’t watch it but I saw it at number 1 on trending.”

Virgil almost lost his cool, for a minute “I guess, I wouldn’t know, I don’t watch CoffeeAddiction, what’s so great about it?”

Roman looked shocked “I’m surprised, I mean he’s one of the biggest youtubers in the beauty community,”

Virgil snorted “that explains it, I don’t watch beauty vlogs. Anyway, do you want to wash all of that off or go freak out some random people on the drive home?”

Roman chose to wash it off and left unknowing leaving Virgil and Remy to once again “youtubeify” their house.

#prinxiety #sander sides #au #youtuber au #familial sleepxiety #famous au #Thomas sanders #tss

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writingdotcoffee · 7 years ago

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#50: A novel in the making

Welcome to another Writing Update—a weekly journal where I document the ups and downs of my writing life. It’s been almost a year since I started writing my current work-in-progress novel. It seems appropriate to dedicate the 50th post in this series to the story and what I’ve learned in the process.

A little more than a year ago, an idea for a fast-paced scene with an ensemble cast started floating in my head. I was flirting with another project at the time, and so I didn’t pay too much attention to it. Every time I dismissed it, the idea came back to nag a little more. I wasn’t entirely convinced that I was ready to start writing the other project I was researching, and so I finally conceded: I would write a fast-paced 20,000-word novella to clear my mind.

I started outlining, fleshing out the details. The scene in my mind was quite climactic, and, to write it, I felt like I needed to understand where these people came from and why they were doing it. A few weeks of work later, I had a story that didn’t only satisfy my curiosity. This is more than enough for a novel, I thought.

I was excited, but facing a dilemma: should I abandon the previous project to work on this expanded novella outline that I just stitched together? I wanted to write something with a speculative element to it which didn’t fit into this new project. After some deliberation, I decided to go for it.

I started writing the next day—15 August 2017.

The First Draft

The first days were a bit erratic as I was finding my stride. At around chapter three, I got into a routine and spent the next four months grinding one chapter after the other, writing to a goal of 6,000 words per week.

Now, I’m by no means a fast writer. The strenuous schedule took its toll, and by November, I was not only behind, but also exhausted. For the first time in years, I stopped posting on this blog just so that I could focus entirely on the draft.

Fortunately, I took V.E. Schwab’s advice and wrote the beginning first, then jumped to the ending, leaving the middle to be filled in last. I liked the ending way too much to have the heart to abandon the project. So I doubled down and typed the last words on a murky Saturday afternoon a month later — 16 December 2017. 51 chapters, 95,000 words.

Lessons learned: Word goals are essential. Pushing yourself through the first draft does work (subject to health & safety, of course).

The Winter Crisis

I listened to Stephen King’s famous recuperation advice and put the damn thing away for six weeks before editing. I celebrated Christmas by writing a few random short stories and spent January recovering. But then February came along, and I wasn’t feeling like going back to the project. Even just reading it was torture. I just didn’t want to. Resistance was having the better of me.

It took me a full month to read the thing cover to cover. In the end, I produced about 35 pages of mostly sarcastic notes of what was wrong with it. In retrospect, it would’ve been easier to make notes of what I liked instead. Characters disappeared, there were plot holes. Most chapters suffered from the lack of proper structure. But it wasn’t all just epic fails. I liked the character dynamics at the beginning and the big climactic scene at the end. It had potential.

Lesson learned: next time, I won’t wait that long before editing.

With that information, I bought a stack of index cards and re-outlined the project. My fear that I would end up scrapping the whole thing proved unfounded. I dropped 4 chapters and added 6 new ones. Out of 51, that wasn’t so catastrophic after all.

I compiled character sheets for every significant character, wrote the new chapters and was ready for the next step.

Lessons learned: Having an outline doesn’t mean that you can’t change a thing later on. Conversely, you can happily start writing even if you don’t have every single detail figured out up front. Everyone has a sweet spot between freewheeling and total control. You’ll find yours through experience.

The Rewrite

In May, I went all the way back to chapter one and started a sequential rewrite. I keep two documents open, and I’m restructuring each chapter to make it more engaging. Some chapters are good as they are, others need a major facelift. I look at things like tension and pacing. I’m doing much more characterisation.

At the time of writing, I’m about 60% done. All I can say is that this has been the most difficult and yet the most exhilarating part of the process so far. It’s hard to describe, but the writing is literally coming alive.

I know it won’t be the final editing pass yet. There are still things to fix. But they’re getting smaller and smaller.

Lesson learned: It will take much longer than you think. And that’s ok.

The Future

If you asked me a year ago whether I thought that I would be working on the same book today, I’d probably laugh and say something evasive. In my mind though, I’d think that you’re insane. A year on the same project? Don’t be silly.

When you’re in the trenches, doing the work every day, it seems inconceivable that a year later, you could find yourself at the very same desk and not be done. Some authors take 10 years to write each of their books. But every time you read a story like that you’re thinking, God, I hope that won’t be me.

Well, now I’m the silly one. But I don’t regret a minute that I spent working on this project. It taught me so much not only about writing and storytelling. Finally, after almost a year, I’m convinced that this was the book that I was supposed to write.

A day will come when I will finish this novel. I cannot wait to share it with you and the world.

Short Stories

I wrote a part of the sequel to The Dead Borough this week, but I didn’t have the time to finish it. It’s coming next week! Until then, check out part one:

SHORT STORY: The Dead Borough

I’m trying to set up the second in the series in a way that you can read it even if you haven’t read part one, but it will definitely be more enjoyable if you did.

Alternatively, here’s the one I published last week:

SHORT STORY: Beautiful Cadavers

What I am reading

I’m almost done with David Grann’s The Lost City of Z—a brilliant account of the life of a British explorer who disappeared without the trace in the Amazon while looking for evidence of an ancient civilisation that he believed could’ve developed in the depths of the jungle.

A masterfully told story. David Grann is a staff writer for The New Yorker who clearly spent decades honing his craft. Thumbs up!

Next, I’ll be picking up Charles Arthur’s Cyber Wars which I bought a few weeks ago in Cambridge.

Subscribe to my list

My email subscribers (also known as persons of the most distinguished taste :-P) receive a digest of what I published or found helpful in their inboxes every week. Hit subscribe below to join the club. (I won’t spam you or pass your address to a third party. You can unsubscribe at any time.)

Past Editions

#49: A novel in the making, August 2018

#48: Plodding Along, July 2018

#47: The only way out is through, July 2018

#46: Deliberate practice, July 2018

#45: Us and them, July 2018

#writing #writer #writers #write #amwriting #writing life #writing update #writing updates #personal #me #update #wip #writingcoffee #writingdotcoffe

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andallhisausterenhost · 6 years ago

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After Action Report: Abate the Edge of Traitors

After going to all the effort* to write a fluffy intro to this battle, I then have had zero interest in writing a fluffy after action report. I think the problem is taking unpainted miniatures - it’s a bit hard to get worked up or invested in the death of Senor Greyskin and his trusty sidekick, Lady Dull Metallic, when I could instead get really into the clash of arms between, say, Brother-Veteran Hitoshi, warrior of the Mantis Warriors, and Matthias the Vicious, the dread serial killer of Nužudymas, cultist of Qyn Kraugeriškas, pirate-slave of Malachi the Surly, ya know?

It doesn’t help that @littlemangsofwar has some of the worst luck in recorded history.

My writer’s block is especially frustrating when Mangs puts a great deal of effort into his lists. Task Force Vengeance is fully named, from Librarian Cassiel down to the Land Raider Redeemer Purity Rolling.** I need to step up my game, both in terms of painting and in terms of, you know, writing. Things.

Anyway, this clash was really fun on paper. Mangs’s Dark Angels list is pretty mechanised, featuring a Nephillim Jetfighter (Caliban’s Wrath), a Predator, Razorback, a Rhino, scouts, a pack of Deathwing as well as officers. It’s not the most optimized list for 8th edition Dark Angels, as they actually really want to stand very still and get free re-rolls, but it is cool as hell to look at.

The Ravenwing were just here to scout the battlefield, then peeled away for another, more important mission elsewhere (he didn’t actually include them in the list! A mistake we’ve all made.).

I had a really bizarre list, swelled with unpainted units to try and match @littlemangsofwar‘s cool Dark Angels. In the centre of the board, I massed my marines in cover, as well as some slightly forward scouts (including the new snipers and the Crusaders, who took up stances around an old console in the ruins). I had some attack bikes waiting in reserve, hidden behind buildings. On the right flank, the Radical Inquisitor took up position in his commandeered Razorback, behind a Tactical squad and some... uh... ash-camouflaged Assault Marines.

The blocks are actually a Daemonhost containing a warp spirit of Order, which I have some very cool ideas on, but they can wait until I paint more of the Inquisitor’s band of acolytes. The new Blackstone Fortress actually has a bunch of models that I was planning on converting for his gang, so that is going to be very hard to resist.***

I also had two squads of Ratlings, led by a Squat commander and accompanied by an Astropath, part of the Inquisitor’s extended retinue. The Mantis Warriors marching into battle accompanied by xenos, a daemonhost, and semi-humans! Not a great look, but they were here to fight the Dark Angels, who themselves have a less than savoury reputation.

We played a variation of Cleanse and Capture, which I’ll drop below the cut. Essentially it was the same scenario but we each had some bonus Tactical Objectives we wanted to achieve to give the thing a bit of flavour.

The objective markers were intended to represent archaeological sites that may contain information on + + + REDACTED BY INQUISITORIAL EDIT 7532/ω + + + which obviously the Dark Angels also sought.

I know I just wrote a lot of words about the scenario, but I’m afraid that I’m not up for a prolonged blow-by-blow of the game, so here are some highlights:

Despite a tremendous amount of possible mortal wound output from my three squads of snipers (two Ratling and one Mantis), I only killed about three Tactical marines from them all game. Of course, Ratling squads are only 45 points, so it’s still not a bad choice.

Early in the game, my attack bike with a multi-melta swung out and nearly one-shotted the Predator Silencer. In anger at this, @littlemangsofwar fired nearly his whole bloody army at the little bikers, only finally killing them with a plasma rifleman who then died in the explosion. What heroes.

There he is, tucked behind that barricade there.

The advanced (and second-most recently painted) sniper scouts that were holding the objective in the ruins were brutally cut down in a single round by a combination of Redeemer flamers and a Dark Angels Tactical Squad. Said squad would then hole up in that ruin for the rest of the game, sniper fire plinking off their power armour and holding my Assault Marines at bay.

The Inquisitor and his minions did very little. I’ll admit that I strongly dislike their rules in the Index - they get almost no character and kind of encourage the worst kind of spam. Take lots with plasma guns! Each one man unit is an Elite choice! And you can’t have cool models with twin swords or twin pistols actually count as those weapons! Lame.

Purity Rolling gets assaulted by the Mantis Warriors officer cadre.

In a pitched fight that goes to show why tanks don’t like urban battlefields, Purity Rolling got swarmed by my entire HQ and my teleporting Terminator Squad and got chipped to death. I was very lucky, getting off that 9″ charge, and it did come down to the power sword of the Sergeant, but it was still brutal.

Brother-Apothecary Jiyuna wimping out and refusing to charge Purity Rolling which is fair enough, really.

@littlemangsofwar kept the pressure on my Devastator Squad, but his fucking appalling dice rolling in this game meant that they lasted most of it. I don’t believe they did anything useful, but they just kept absorbing his fire.

pew pew

Beneath the Devastators, in the same ruins, were a Tactical Squad, which got assaulted by one of the Dark Angels Tacticals. The battle was fairly even, frustratingly, for several battle rounds, despite the assistance of my Brother-Apothecary Jiyun, Lieutenant Khan Nguyen Thi Kim, and the abhuman company commander in service of the Inquistion. The latter had a powerfist! He didn’t hit once!

His brothers cut down around him, Brother-Sergeant Kiraman fights against overwhelming odds.

An absolute beast who would. not. die. This caption refers to Kiraman, and not anyone wearing green, white, or blue. Jerks.

In the centre, my command squad and both units of Terminators kept wailing on one another for several turns. Between adroit use of psychic powers and @littlemangsofwar‘s gross luck, I came out on top, although my First Company warriors were annihilated to a man.

A glorious melee.

Chief Librarian Ahazra Redth channeling the Warp.

On the right flank, there is nothing much to report. Caliban’s Wrath was pretty wrathful, taking out my Inquisitor’s Razorback. Scouts and fire from various other tanks took down most of the acolytes, including the Slann and the exiled Aeldari ranger, but the Inquisitor himself was able to channel the powers of the warp and take out the scouts. The glowing cubic forms of the daemonhost did something between ‘nothing’ and ‘waste time’.

A rhino burns in the distance as Mantis Warriors Tactical Marines advance.

Overall, this game wasn’t as much fun as I would have liked. Don’t get me wrong, @littlemangsofwar is always cool to hang out with, but his luck was just so awful. It’s no fun watching your opponent roll ten dice and get two hits.

I was using Raven Guard rules for the Mantis Warriors, as I do feel that it’s the best feel for their hit-and-run tactics in the fluff, but it’s also a very strong Chapter Tactic. Certainly light-years better than the terrible ‘you hit harder if you charge out of cover... for some reason’ rules they are reputed to have had two editions ago.

Hopefully, the next time @littlemangsofwar and I have a full game of 40K, our luck will even out. We did have two Kill Team games on Sun 28 Oct, and those went very differently!

I’ll leave you with at atmospheric**** photo of Squad Nakir of the Dark Angels...

Final score: Victory, Mantis Warriors. (Dark Angels withdraw.)

Men of the Match: Attack Bike with multi-melta. Toughness five, four wounds, baby!

Lesson to Remember: Dark Angels infantry get to re-roll ones if they don’t move that turn.

+ + + Thought for the Day: By the manner of their death we shall know them. + + +

Scenario: Maelstrom of War scenario Cleanse and Capture (see p.230 of the rulebook).

Modifications:

Terrain:

As traditional, whoever gets there first places terrain; second-comer can choose deployment side.

Placing objectives:

As I'm picking the scenario, you can choose whether to place the first or second objective. You may also choose which deployment type (p.216) we want to use.

Tactical Objectives:

As written (that is, we generate Tactical Objectives until we hold three), but we start with some at the beginning of the game in addition. Unlike regular TOs, we can't discard these, but they don't count against the maximum of 3 anyway.

You (Dark Angels) will start with 13 Confess! and 14 Seize and Interrogate in addition to rolling up/drawing three more.

I (Space Marines) will start with 12 Honour Your Chapter and I also have a made-up version of the Dark Angels 14 Seize and Interrogate by the Inquisitor (see below) in addition to rolling up/drawing three more.

(special) 14 Seize and Interrogate by the Inquisitor Score 1 victory point if any enemy CHARACTERS, DEATHWING UNITS, or RAVENWING BLACK KNIGHT UNITS were slain by an INQUISITION unit in the Fight phase of this turn. If your opponent’s Warlord was slain by an INQUISITION unit during the Fight phase of this turn, score D3 victory points instead.

First Turn:

Rather than whoever finishes deployment automatically getting first turn (which can be brutal in this edition), I suggest we go with the system used in the Chapter Approved scenarios:

The players roll off, and the player who finished setting up their army first adds 1 to their result. The winner can choose to take the first or second turn. If they take the first turn, their opponent can roll a D6; on a 6, they manage to seize the initiative, and they get the first turn instead!

Everything else is the same as a standard Cleanse and Capture: Warlord, First Blood, Linebreaker; highest victory points is the winner; 5 turns and then start rolling for extra turns on a 3+; etc etc.

* Literally like five minutes before going to bed. ** A great blend of the sorts of names US soldiers give to their tanks and the 40K hellverse. *** Ratlings!!!!! **** Bad.

#after action report #wargaming #warhammer 40k #space marines #miniatures #science fiction #games workshop #citadel #mantis warriors #winds of the desert #there is only war #I don't have project tags as yet #< - - - this is the tag I am using for so many things lately :(#inquisition #inq28 #wip

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fibrielsolaer · 6 years ago

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Smash Ultimate tier list based entirely on which characters I like and which I hate

BSP = Big Sexy Personality

FBNIS = Fun, But Not In Smash

MPATBUD = Mario Princesses Are Terrifying Blow-Up Dolls

S Tier

Kirby: absolutely the man, if you don’t love Kirby you’re probably the asshole who got this roster flooded with Marth World pricks

Pikachu: He quicc. He thicc. He’ll Thunderbolt you to hicc

Except it’s a she because I only ever play Librechu ;p

Bowser: BSP

Zelda: She is so cute, I can finally stand playing as her

Pichu: He is so cute, it almost makes up for how stupid he is

Ganondorf: He’s finally fucking cool. He uses the goddamn sword now

Lucario: What if Mewtwo was a Shaolin monk hunk

I only play purple Lucario for reasons you’re best not knowing

Toon Link: He’s the cartoon that Link and Young Link watched and modeled themselves on

Ridley: HOLY SHIT IT FEELS AWESOME TO PLAY RIDLEY

I love how the game designers know he’s way too small so when you fight him in Classic Mode as Samus he gets Giant modifier

K. Rool: BSP

Piranha Plant: The pain from the pipes, this disrespectful piece of shit is so stupid he wraps around to greatness, with his inclusion I’ve changed my mind and now say fuck it, add Bandana Waddle Dee, hell add a regular Waddle Dee if you want, I don’t even care anymore

A Tier

Luigi: Few people know that he and Mario are actually identical twins, his brother merely wears a fat suit (the weight of which has crushed his spine) so they can be told apart

Ness: I like the picture you get when you play for 20 hours

C. Falcon: This is the guy who beats up Incineroar. As the positive icon of the people he never shows any emotion except for “YUS!” and “SHOW ME”. All Might was probably based on this jackass

Jigglypuff: Like so many other Pokemon, its adorable facade is a veneer for an expansive and unfathomable eldritch demon. The difference is, despite how fucking many Pokemon like that there are, nobody has found Jigglypuff’s secret and lived to tell

Young Link: He’s actually Link’s son, who idolizes his father and wants to follow in his footsteps. His dad has strayed from the path but young blood here carries on the true faith. Also, FBNIS

Mewtwo: He was the original Damn Cool Pokemon. He jockeys with Lucario for that role now but all they ever do is sit there charging their neutral Bs talking about how the planet will explode in 5 minutes

Roy: He knows that the Marth World infestation is soon to be purged, because there are like five actual Marths including him, so he decided to become the best Marth World character so he alone will survive

Pit: The only cunt from his series besides Dark Pit who had the decency not to change voice and try to pretend it was the same fucking one. I never play as him ever but Sakurai sure cared more about making him fresh & fun post-Uprising than any of his other goddamn characters

Charizard: BSP

Dedede: BSP

Bowser Jr.: This rude little shit is the guy who you invite to a party and he brings his whole crew, excuse me no I didn’t invite Wendy and Horton and Lenny and all these bitches, but fuck it y’all cool

Simon: I like his funny walk and he looks like Conan the Barbarian

Richter: I like his funny walk and he looks like a dork

Isabelle: Do you know this literal bitch killed me with a fucking stop sign 3 times before I unlocked her, why isn’t that a reaction macro

Incineroar: He pretends to be a bad guy so that kids’ heroes will beat him up on TV and they will be happy. He is so sweet

B Tier (Everyone Is Meh)

Mario: Meh

Donkey Kong: Meh

Link: The dad who strayed from the path, I really don’t like the Breath of the Wild Link, FBNIS

Fox: Meh

Sheik: Meh

Dr. Meh: Mario

Falco: Hands off my meh

Mehrth: He’s kinda cool but Roy is way cooler

Mr. Game & Watch: What an annoying asshole

Wario: It’s not the cool Wario, it’s the stupid Wario Ware one, and he brings all his obnoxious waifu friends with him. It’s Wario after he retired from his teen Youtube star days at the age of 30 and he’s trying to stay young and cool-looking but his stoner friends keep fucking it up

Solid Snake: Meh, too indirect for me, FBNIS

Squirtle: Meh-est of the Pokemon Trainer trio, he just doesn’t provoke like any reaction from me at all unlike the other two

Diddy Kong: Meh

Olimeh: This is the most boring goddamn character, everything you do you have to pluck fucks

ROB: He barely animates

Villager: I kinda wish Animal Crossing let you be an animal too. The lone human character is really boring

Mega Meh: You got: FBNIS

Little Meh: I dunno I’ve just barely ever played him

Mehninja: Maybe I should actually try playing it once ever

Duck Hunt: If there was a B-and-a-half tier I’d put this one there because you can delay the side-B and set up Snake-level GOTCHA combos, otherwise the novelty wears off fast

Ryu: He is the 2nd-least likeable guy, what a turbo douche

Bayomehtta: She’s rule 63 Dante, her game was always just a DMC ripoff that relied on her tits & ass to differentiate from it

Inkling: I like the yellow hair girl one but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE CRINGY-ASS ASSIST TROPHY AND WILL ABSOLUTELY UNFAIRLY BLAME THE CHARACTER FOR THIS.

C Tier

Samus: She is the most FBNIS character

Ice Climber: They’re really un-cute and I hate their desync thing

Metaknight: This guy was so much cooler before he talked, or rather, before he screamed AYAYGYGYAYGYAGA

Ike: Marth World has like 2,000 characters ranging from pegasus knights to barbarians to psychic dragon-girl dancers, and yet we keep getting these boring fucking swordsmen

Pokemon Trainer: Get absolutely the fuck out you twerp you don’t even do a goddamn thing and you die the second any one of your THREE fighters is KO’d so you don’t even incorporate the actual spirit of your original character unlike literally everybody else

Venusaur: If I evolved this ugly fucker I would delete my save

Lucas: If I had an Absolutely Gone Machine that could erase anything in the world and delete everyone’s memory that it ever existed so they would shut the fuck up about it, Mother 3 would be precisely the fourth thing I deleted

Robin: Least shitty post-Melee Marth World character but I just haven’t bothered to try it out to see if it’s actually good or not, probably because I’m just too allergic to Marth World by now

Dark Samus: Cool, but why

Daisy: MPATBUD, but this one has the closest thing to a personality. Unfortunately it is a fucking terrible and horrific personality

Zero Suit Samus: hey cool Samus is Barbie now

Ken: Remember how I said Ryu was the 2nd-least likeable? Well here’s Liquid Ryu to seize the coveted spot

Cloud: Yeah hey, let’s take the one Final Fantasy protagonist with like the least connection to Nintendo, no it’s fine, every goddamn Marth World game except the one that justified its worldwide presence has a character in but we’re not gonna use Cecil or Buttz or Terra

Corrin: Any hope this bitch had to go on my “Is a dragon so I like it” list was ruined by how absolutely infuriating it is to fight against Corrin especially that one Spirit match where he spams his INSTANT FINAL SMASH THAT HAS LIKE AN INFINITELY VERTICAL HITBOX fuck this goddamn digimon

D tier

Yoshi: I’ve hated this thing ever since it stopped going BAWONKA WONKA and started going blblblblblbl

add Birdo as an Echo and I might forgive you

Peach: MPATBUD, Peach is usually able to manifest either the behavior of a real person (Paper Mario) or the appearance of one (Smash), but sadly never both, she is doomed to blow-up-dollery forevermore

Sonic: Please add any other Sonic character, any at all, I’ll even take Charmy, I fucking hate Blue Bubsy

Wolf: The only reason he is not the furry-trashiest character in Smash is because Krystal is an AT, this cocksucker deadass awoos

Wii Fit Trainer: Next to her, Mario Princesses almost look human

Rozzalinda: MPATBUD and this one is the worst, far and away the worst Mario Princess, she is the creepiest fucking woman. WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY IN MARIO ACTS LIKE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING EXCEPT THE CHARACTERS WHO AREN’T FUCKING HUMAN. tl;dr the only people who say rosalina is their waifu collect people’s faces

Mii Fighters: you dress them up to make a parody of a character and then never once actually use said parody because they are stupid

Palutena: remember in Uprising how they could make fake Palutenas, this is one of them, they have a fake Viridi too, you know it is because starting in smash 4 it is clearly two different actresses trying way too hard to sound like the old ones and i can’t get over it sorry. (also she plays like shit)

Pac-Man: I only liked him when he was a pizza

Shulk: does he ever shut the fuck up

Lucina: add a red nose and it’s Marth: Tumblr Edition

Chrom: oh fuck off

Robin’s bitchass final smash still calls this clown

even if you use it on Chrom

he is so ashamed of his audacity he fucking fucks himself

#smash ultimate #tier list #tier #tiers #smash #ssbu #ssb

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linoholic · 7 years ago

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College!Chan

Requested: no

Pairing: Stray Kids Chan x Reader

Warnings: none

I have loved Stray Kids for ages and decided to write a small thing for Chan to start off my writing for them, because it is about time, especially now they have debuted. My history geek side shows a bit in this, just warning you. It also got longer than I intended.

edit: I have been with out internet on and off the past week or so and so writing is going slowly, mainly happening when I have been babysitting and steal their internet so yeah. :/

Languages have always come easy to you

It all started when a boy transferred into your class, from a completely foreign country that you hadn’t even learned about yet; speaking a language you didn’t know the name of

And you being you got curious and decided you wanted to know what he was saying when he couldn’t think of the right words in your language

So you befriended him and through all the playdates you started picking up on words here and there, which turned into sentences

Pretty soon you were able to have full conversations with him and his family in their language

And when you first started being taught languages in school, you were the top student; your classmates always coming to you asking how to say “I have a green apple” in french

It became a hobby of yours, the bookshelf in your room had foreign dictionaries on the shelf, and books of fairytales from around the world in their original languages were your bedtime stories

You were a bit of a social butterfly, and so the idea of being able to communicate with as many people as possible made you happy, so it was no surprise when you decides you wanted to go on to do International Studies when you finished high school

Because not only would you be putting your language skills to use, but you would be learning about the cultures of the countries, about the people who lived there

You had decided to move to South Korea for college

Korean was the language you were currently studying, and what better way to learn a language is there than hands on?

You fell in the with culture and the people, making friends with almost everyone you met

Your peers, the professors, the locals, the owner of the small restaurant (who basically adopted you and fed you so you wouldn't have to live off of ramen)

When you weren't locked away in your dorm, cramming for an up coming test, you were out and about, exploring the city, getting yourself lost on purpose

Your first year went by quickly, and it was now the early summer of your second year

And you were sitting on a plane, destined for Europe

You see, there was a college arranged trip to Italy; two weeks long in the Campania region of Italy; Naples to be exact

It was open to students across all majors, and as such it was hard to get a place on the trip due to high demand

But you had managed to score one of the mere 30 spots

You didn't care that you were the only one from your friend group going, it simply meant that you would have to get to know more of your peers which you were excited for, always eager to make new friends

Which is exactly why you agreed to help Chan

It was the morning after your first night in Naples

The hotel you were all staying in was beautiful, not overly fancy and expensive but gorgeous nonetheless, with its old architecture and big windows

You had just left the lift when you come across a very confused looking guy trying to communicate with an equally as confused looking staff member

You stood there for a moment, watching in amusement as he spoke English to the guy, using his hands to try and act out what he wanted

Being the good person you are though, you decided to step in and help him out

"You alright there?" you ask him, smiling kindly

Looking at you, the boys sigh slightly

"Unless you can speak Italian, probably not. I just want to know good places to get breakfast around here, but none of the translators are up yet"

Well, imagine his surprise when you start having a full blown conversation with the man, who immediately relaxes and even laughs at something you said

He is even more surprised when, as the man leaves, you turn to him and link your arms

"Well come on then. He told me about his mothers bakery and their pastries sound delicious. I'm y/n by the way," you say, leading him out of the hotel

You could have just told him what the man said, but you didn't want to just send him away to fend for himself when he obviously couldn't communicate properly

Plus, he was really cute and you wouldn't up the chance to hang with a cute guy

Deciding to go along with it, he just smiles and says, "I'm Chan, nice to meet you, and thanks for that back there”

Thankfully, it being a college trip for people of various majors means that there isn’t a set itinerary; instead there are only a few group outings spread throughout the two weeks

It also means that you are free to do what you want, aka spend hours walking the streets of Naples with Chan after getting breakfast

You spend the time just chatting and getting to know each other; joking around and admiring the italian city

You also become his personal translator, talking with the locals to find out about hole in the wall restaurants for lunch or just to be friendly while Chan stands to the side, a friendly but awkward smile on his face as he just nods along to whatever is being said

You find out that Chan is a music major, minoring in history, the reason he wanted to come on the trip

And though you had just met that morning, you can’t help but find him adorable when he fanboys over the old architecture and the historic stone cobbled streets

You also go the seafront and sit on one of the docks sharing a bowl of gelato you bought from this cute little shop, watching the boats bob up and down as you gaze at the shape of Mount Vesuvius in the distance with you in stitches as Chan tells you about the adventures of his friends back in Korea

And as the second eldest amongst the group of mostly highschool students, boy does he have plenty of stories to keep conversation going, which is constantly switching between english and korean

(you totally don’t keep trying to stay in english so you can hear his aussie accent, nope. no way)

By the time you have found you way back to the hotel, the sky in a beautiful array of reds and purples, the streets starting to be lit up by the streetlights

Both of you feet are aching from your constant walking but neither of you could really care, still high off the amazing atmosphere that followed you throughout the day

And as you lay in your bed that night, you can’t keep the silly grin off of your face as you think back the events of the day

From then on you and Chan are constantly together

Somedays it is just the two of you, travelling the streets and visiting the lesser known parts of the city

Other times you are with a group of students, visiting places like the Royal Palace or the National Archaeological Museum (something Chan and other history majors were ecstatic about)

For the last few days of the trip, everyone travels south of Vesuvius to Pompeii, where you tour the ruins

When the group splits up, you and Chan head off together once again, though this time it is Chan in charge, excited to visit as many historical sites as possible in three days

Instead of you being the one leading, talking to all the people, Chan is instead pulling you along by the hand, excitedly telling you about the history of Pompeii and listening with wide eyes to the tour guides (who thankfully speak english, due to it being a tourist spot and all)

It is when he is chatting with another visitor, an older historian, about the frescoes in the Villa of Mysteries that you come to a realisation

You have a big fat crush on Chan. Bang Chan. Chris. Your good friend who you have known for a mere two weeks, if that

This knowledge didn’t scare you or make you nervous however, and in no way did you try to hide it

When another student on the trip, photography major Jihyo, started teasing you about how it had been obvious since day one that you would inevitably grow feelings for him, and how your growing crush was known by literally everyone

Well, you just grinned and nodded along, taking the chance to gush about the boys adorable dimples and his fluffy hair and his puppy dog eyes and his gorgeous lips an-

“Alright alright I get it. Chan is real cute and you are completely shameless”

*cue you hitting Jihyo lightly on the arm*

Of course though, like all good things, the trip comes to an end and you are on the plane headed back to South Korea

You managed to sweet talk your way into sitting next to Chan on the flight, sharing a pair of headphones and falling asleep on each others shoulders halfway through watching the Lion King

Jihyo sneakily takes a picture of this, sending it to her and Chan’s mutual friend Woojin, who in turn sends it in the group chat he has with the younger boys and the rest of Chan’s friend group

And this sparks uproar amongst the boys

Various messages such as “when did Chan get a significant other?”, “aye Chan get soommmmeee ;D”, “hey! those are my headphones!”, and “does this mean I have another parent now?” are spammed in the group chat

And of course, the teasing doesn’t stop there

You have all arrived back in Korea, and every parts ways, intending to sleep off the serious jet lag

But poor Chan doesn’t get to sleep

Because waiting in the dorm room he shares with Woojin are eight boys (including the aforementioned Woojin) who, as soon as the aussie enters the room, pull him into a chair in the middle of the room, tying him up with various ropes Jisung somehow got

The curtains are pulled shut and the lights turned off, turning the room completely dark except for a single dim lamp, aimed at Chan’s face

The boys are all stood in various dark corners around the room save for Felix who circles around the chair, stroking his chin

And thus begins the interrogation

For a full hour the boys question Chan on the Italy trip and the mysterious person he slept with

“Wha- we didn’t sleep together! We simply fell asleep together. Once.”

“Ah, of course not,” says Felix, eyebrows wiggling (to which Changbin hits him on the head for / “there are children here”)

And even though they were overly dramatic in their ways of going about it, their interrogation was somehow successful

Not only did they find out who you were and about all the little outings you had in Italy (which they insisted were most definitely dates)

But they managed to squeeze out how Chan most definitely gained feelings for you over the two weeks away

So of course they had to interfere even more, coming up with a plan that consisted of three steps

Stage 1: Recon

Stage 2: Force you to into a situation such as the cliche “oh no we’re locked in a closet together whatever can we do but confess and make out for a few hours til someone saves us?”

Stage 3: Get all the chicken and pizza they could ever want from Chan who is ever so grateful for them helping him get the love of his life as his s/o

You and Chan had continued to talk constantly, and by now you were basically best friends

If you weren’t in his dorm helping him study about some obscure Mayan religious ritual or find the best way to word certain lyrics; then you you would be in the library, Chan quizzing you on sign language vocabulary with flashcards you spent way too long making look pretty

And you couldn’t help but notice that there was always eyes on you when you were with Chan

Like the times you are in his dorm and his roommate is totally not watching you two with your heads bent close together over a textbook, not so sneakily sending snapchats of you two to the other boys

Or when you and Chan are chatting in a coffee shop and a group of highschool boys sit down at a table nearby, being not so quiet as they whisper between themselves about the obvious feelings shared between you and their older friend

You don’t know why they pretend they don’t know you or Chan, when you have become friends with them all by now and so quite obviously recognise them, though you decide to just go along with whatever they are playing at

Mainly because you know of their plan

You see, when they had added you to the group chat that the nine kids share, they had also added you into the separate one they have all for their matchmaking scheming

None of them had realised this however, so you kept quiet, simply laughing at all the silly plans they came up with

You also made a game of avoiding all the times they tried to put their plan in action

Their frustration about their continuously failing plans was hilarious to you

Especially because, unknown to them, their plan had worked out kind of, just in a completely different way to what they expected

You see, you were in the library with Chan studying for upcoming exams and you were snickering over the younger boys and Woojin complaining about the latest failed attempt when Chan gets really curious as to what has you so amused

And of course you aren’t exactly trying to keep you crush on him secret, so you couldn’t care less if he found out, especially considering you are pretty sure he feels the same way

So you explain the whole situation

Needless to say Chan turns completely red with embarrassment when he finds out the kids had been trying to hook you two up, and how his feelings have been exposed

You are quick to reassure him that you feel the same way though, placing a quick peck on his cheek causing a huge grin to form on his face, exposing the dimples you so dearly love

Despite the fact that you two are now ‘together’, you decide to keep quiet

The two of you want to see how long it can go on without the boys finding out

And it works for a few weeks

Kisses are only shared when you are 100% sure that you are completely alone

Hugging is kept to the normal amount (though considering how touchy Chan is with everyone is still quite a lot anyway)

Woojin is the first to find out you are together, which is to be expected considering he is Chan’s roomie

You and Chan are snuggling on his bed watching something on his phone when Woojin walks in, just as the two of you are mid kiss

You manage to bribe him into keeping quiet by buying him chicken from his favourite restaurant, so now he just chortles along with you and Chan when Seungmin has a mini breakdown from yet another failed plan

Jeongin is number two to find out

You and Chan were on a date and had stopped to get ice cream

And out of all the convenience stores you could have stopped at, it just had to be the one that Jeongin just so happened to work in afterschool, a fact the both of you had forgotten

Being the sweet boy that he is, he agrees to keep it to himself that he saw you holding hands and cutely arguing over who would pay for the ice cream

(He was also lowkey excited for the day when hell would break lose after everyone finds out the truth and he could say he already knew)

It was Changbin and Felix who had found out after that

It was when you and Chan were on another date

You had decided to take Chan to the cinema as a way to help him relax, after spending too long seeing him stress over his composing assignment

As fate would have it, it just so happens that Felix had somehow managed to drag a not so unwilling Changbin to the movies too

To the exact same cinema

Watching the exact same movie

At the exact same time

Cursing the chances of this happening, you and Chan try your best to stay out of sight, knowing that if anyone was to spill the beans it would be Felix

But things don’t always go the way you hope, and it just so happens that the as soon as you think you are in the clear you bump into the two on your way out when the movies finished

As expected, Felix is especially loud about it

Both him and Changbin stand in front of you and Chan with wide eyes, as you two just stand there with nervous smiles

“You...you...you! What?! I can’t-what?!” is most of what comes out of the younger aussie boys mouth, his accent becoming extremely prominent

Chan quickly pulls the two outside the building, not wanting to cause a ruckus inside and you follow behind, trying not to burst out laughing at the sight of the two shell shocked boys and a very nervous boyfriend

Despite you and Chan halfheartedly attempting to keep the two quiet, you knew you attempts were in vain and by the next day everyone and there mother knew that you and Chan were official

The group chat was spammed with capital letters, exclamation marks and memes, not only aimed at you and Chan but also at very smug Woojin and Jeongin

You were kind of glad that it wasn’t a secret anymore, because as much fun as you had sneaking around, getting to kiss Chan whenever you want now was definitely favourable

Plus the enjoyment you got from the kids freaking out from failure before was now you finding enjoyment in the fact that they were now moaning over the fact that they wouldn’t get to enjoy stage 3 of their plan

(You and Chan did end up treating them to food though, of only to stop their whining)

Requests open

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orbemnews · 4 years ago

Link

Mercedes Says Its Newest Electric Sedan Goes Farther Than a Tesla: Live Updates Here’s what you need to know: Mercedes-Benz said the electric EQS can travel up to 480 miles on a single charge, a feat the company attributed to new battery technology and the car’s aerodynamic shape.Credit…Mercedes/Associated Press Mercedes-Benz unveiled an electric counterpart to its top-of-the-line S-Class sedan on Thursday, the latest in a series of moves by German automakers to defend their dominance of the high end of the car market against Tesla. The EQS, which will be available in the United States in August, is the first of four electric vehicles Mercedes will introduce this year, including two S.U.V.s that will be made at the company’s factory in Alabama and a lower-priced sedan. Mercedes did not announce a price for the EQS, but it is unlikely to be lower than the S-Class, which starts at $94,000 in the United States. The cars could be decisive for Daimler, the parent company of Mercedes, as it tries to adapt to new technology. “It is important to us,” Ola Källenius, the chief executive of Daimler, said of the EQS during an interview. “In a way it is kind of day one of a new era.” The EQS has a range of 770 kilometers or about 480 miles, according to Mercedes. If that figure is confirmed by independent testing, the EQS would dethrone the Tesla Model S Long Range Plus as the production electric car that can travel the farthest between charges. The Tesla currently occupies the No. 1 spot with a range of just over 400 miles, according to rankings by Kelley Blue Book. The EQS owes its stamina to advances in battery technology and an exceptionally aerodynamic design, Mr. Källenius said. Some analysts question whether Mercedes can sell enough electric vehicles to justify the cost of development, but Mr. Källenius said, “We will make money with the EQS from the word ‘go.’” The EQS is the latest attempt by German carmakers to show that they can apply their expertise in engineering and production efficiency to battery-powered cars. Vehicles are Germany’s biggest export, so the carmakers’ success or failure will have a significant impact on the country’s prosperity. On Wednesday, Audi, the luxury unit of Volkswagen, unveiled the Q4 E-Tron, an electric SUV. The Q4 shares many components with the Volkswagen ID.4, an electric SUV that the company began delivering to customers in the United States in March. Though priced to compete with internal combustion models, neither vehicle offers as much range as comparable Tesla cars. In the S-Class tradition, the EQS offers over-the-top luxury features like software that can recognize when a driver might be feeling fatigued and can offer to turn on the massage function embedded in the seat. “You’re going to get S-Class level refinement in a very, very high performing electric car,” Mr. Källenius said. “That’s your buying argument.” Car buyers in Wuhan in January. China is trying to get its consumers to return to their prepandemic spending levels.Credit…Gilles Sabrié for The New York Times China on Friday reported that its economy grew by a remarkable 18.3 percent in the first three months of this year compared with the same period last year. But the spike is as much a reflection of how bad matters were a year ago — when the China’s output shrank by 6.8 percent — as it is an indication of how China is doing now. Global demand for the computer screens and video consoles that China makes is soaring as people work from home and as a pandemic recovery beckons. That demand has continued as Americans with stimulus checks look to spend money on patio furniture, electronics and other goods made in Chinese factories. China’s recovery has also been powered by big infrastructure. Cranes dot city skylines. Construction projects for highways and railroads have provided short-term jobs. Property sales have also helped strengthen economic activity. Exports and property investment can carry China’s growth only so far. Now China is trying to get its consumers to return to their prepandemic ways. Unlike much of the developed world, China doesn’t subsidize its consumers. Instead of handing out checks to jump-start the economy last year, China ordered state-owned banks to lend to businesses and offered tax rebates. Travel restrictions over the Lunar New Year holiday dampened consumer appetite and slowed the momentum of Chinese shoppers. But retail data on Friday showed that March sales were better than expected, raising hopes that consumers might be starting to feel confident. James O’Keefe, the founder of the conservative group Project Veritas, in 2015.Credit…Stephen Crowley/The New York Times Twitter said on Thursday that it had blocked the account of James O’Keefe, the founder of the conservative group Project Veritas. Mr. O’Keefe’s account, @JamesOKeefeIII, was “permanently suspended for violating the Twitter Rules on platform manipulation and spam,” specifically that users cannot mislead others with fake accounts or “artificially amplify or disrupt conversations” through the use of multiple accounts, a Twitter spokesman said. In a statement on his website, Mr. O’Keefe said he will file a defamation lawsuit against Twitter on Monday over its claim that he had operated fake accounts. “This is false, this is defamatory, and they will pay,” the statement said. “Section 230 may have protected them before, but it will not protect them from me,” Mr. O’Keefe said, referring to a legal liability shield for social media. That shield, part of the federal Communications Decency Act, has become a favorite target of lawmakers in both parties. In February, Twitter permanently suspended the Project Veritas account, saying it had posted private information. It also temporarily locked Mr. O’Keefe’s account. Attendees of the disastrous Fyre Festival in the Bahamas won $2 million in a class-action settlement that is subject to final approval.Credit…Jake Strang, via Associated Press A court has awarded attendees of the infamous Fyre Festival approximately $7,220 apiece, nearly four years after they were left scrounging for makeshift shelter on a dark beach. The $2 million class-action settlement, reached Tuesday in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in the Southern District of New York between organizers and 277 ticket holders from the 2017 event, is still subject to final approval, and the amount could ultimately be lower depending on the outcome of Fyre’s bankruptcy case with other creditors. CBS is turning to a pair of outsiders to restore the fortunes of a news operation that trails its rivals at ABC and NBC. CBS said on Thursday that Neeraj Khemlani, a vice president at the publishing powerhouse Hearst, and Wendy McMahon, a former ABC executive, would succeed Ms. Zirinsky. The two will serve as presidents and co-heads of CBS News, a division that will be expanded to include local stations owned by the network. “We were trying to find the most incendiary way of making them mad,” Caolan Robertson said of the videos he used to make.Credit…Alexander Ingram for The New York Times To keep you watching, YouTube serves up videos similar to those you have watched before. But the longer someone watches, the more extreme the videos can become. Caolan Robertson learned how making clever edits and focusing on confrontation could help draw millions of views on YouTube and other services. He also learned how YouTube’s recommendation algorithm often nudged people toward extreme videos. Over more than two years, he helped produce and publish videos for right-wing Youtube personalities including Lauren Southern, Cade Metz reports for The New York Times. Knowing what garnered the most attention on YouTube, Mr. Robertson said, he and Ms. Southern would devise public appearances meant to generate conflict. They attended a women’s march in London and, with Ms. Southern playing the part of a television reporter, approached each woman with the same four-word question: “Women’s rights or Islam?” They often received a confused, measured or polite response, according to Mr. Robertson. They continued to ask the question and sharpened it. Ms. Southern, for example, said it would be difficult for Muslim women to answer the question because their husbands wouldn’t let them attend the march. That caused anger to build in the crowd. “It appears in the videos that we are just trying to figure out what is going on, gather information, understand people,” Mr. Robertson said. “But really, we were trying to find the most incendiary way of making them mad.” Ms. Southern described the situation differently. “We asked the question because we knew it was going to force people to question their own political views and realize the contradiction in being a hard-core feminist but also supporting a religion that, quite frankly, has questionable practices around women,” she said. And, she added, they used video techniques that any media company would use. Source link Orbem News #Electric #Live #Mercedes #Newest #Sedan #Tesla #Updates

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wickedbananas · 7 years ago

Text

Not-Actually-the-Best Local SEO Practices

Posted by MiriamEllis

It’s never fun being the bearer of bad news.

You’re on the phone with an amazing prospect. Let’s say it’s a growing appliance sales and repair provider with 75 locations in the western US. Your agency would absolutely love to onboard this client, and the contact is telling you, with some pride, that they’re already ranking pretty well for about half of their locations.

With the right strategy, getting them the rest of the way there should be no problem at all.

But then you notice something, and your end of the phone conversation falls a little quiet as you click through from one of their Google My Business listings in Visalia to Streetview and see… not a commercial building, but a house. Uh-oh. In answer to your delicately worded question, you find out that 45 of this brand’s listings have been built around the private homes of their repairmen — an egregious violation of Google’s guidelines.

“I hate to tell you this…,” you clear your throat, and then you deliver the bad news.

If you do in-house Local SEO, do it for clients, or even just answer questions in a forum, you’ve surely had the unenviable (yet vital) task of telling someone they’re “doing it wrong,” frequently after they’ve invested considerable resources in creating a marketing structure that threatens to topple due to a crack in its foundation. Sometimes you can patch the crack, but sometimes, whole edifices of bad marketing have to be demolished before safe and secure new buildings can be erected.

Here are 5 of the commonest foundational marketing mistakes I’ve encountered over the years as a Local SEO consultant and forum participant. If you run into these in your own work, you’ll be doing someone a big favor by delivering “the bad news” as quickly as possible:

1. Creating GMB listings at ineligible addresses

What you’ll hear:

“We need to rank for these other towns, because we want customers there. Well, no, we don’t really have offices there. We have P.O. Boxes/virtual offices/our employees’ houses.”

Why it’s a problem:

Google’s guidelines state:

Make sure that your page is created at your actual, real-world location

PO Boxes or mailboxes located at remote locations are not acceptable.

Service-area businesses—businesses that serve customers at their locations—should have one page for the central office or location and designate a service area from that point.

All of this adds up to Google saying you shouldn’t create a listing for anything other than a real-world location, but it’s extremely common to see a) spammers simply creating tons of listings for non-existent locations, b) people of good will not knowing the guidelines and doing the same thing, and c) service area businesses (SABs) feeling they have to create fake-location listings because Google won’t rank them for their service cities otherwise.

In all three scenarios, the brand puts itself at risk for detection and listing removal. Google can catch them, competitors and consumers can catch them, and marketers can catch them. Once caught, any effort that was put into ranking and building reputation around a fake-location listing is wasted. Better to have devoted resources to risk-free marketing efforts that will add up to something real.

What to do about it:

Advise the SAB owner to self-report the problem to Google. I know this sounds risky, but Google My Business forum Top Contributor Joy Hawkins let me know that she’s never seen a case in which Google has punished a business that self-reported accidental spam. The owner will likely need to un-verify the spam listings (see how to do that here) and then Google will likely remove the ineligible listings, leaving only the eligible ones intact.

What about dyed-in-the-wool spammers who know the guidelines and are violating them regardless, turning local pack results into useless junk? Get to the spam listing in Google Maps, click the “Suggest an edit” link, toggle the toggle to “Yes,” and choose the radio button for spam. Google may or may not act on your suggestion. If not, and the spam is misleading to consumers, I think it’s always a good idea to report it to the Google My Business forum in hopes that a volunteer Top Contributor may escalate an egregious case to a Google staffer.

2. Sharing phone numbers between multiple entities

What you’ll hear:

“I run both my dog walking service and my karate classes out of my house, but I don’t want to have to pay for two different phone lines.”

-or-

“Our restaurant has 3 locations in the city now, but we want all the calls to go through one number for reservation purposes. It’s just easier.”

-or-

“There are seven doctors at our practice. Front desk handles all calls. We can’t expect the doctors to answer their calls personally.”

Why it’s a problem:

There are actually multiple issues at hand on this one. First of all, Google’s guidelines state:

Provide a phone number that connects to your individual business location as directly as possible, and provide one website that represents your individual business location.

Use a local phone number instead of a central, call center helpline number whenever possible.

The phone number must be under the direct control of the business.

This rules out having the phone number of a single location representing multiple locations.

Confusing to Google

Google has also been known in the past to phone businesses for verification purposes. Should a business answer “Jim’s Dog Walking” when a Google rep is calling to verify that the phone number is associated with “Jim’s Karate Lessons,” we’re in trouble. Shared phone numbers have also been suspected in the past of causing accidental merging of Google listings, though I’ve not seen a case of this in a couple of years.

Confusing for businesses

As for the multi-practitioner scenario, the reality is that some business models simply don’t allow for practitioners to answer their own phones. Calls for doctors, dentists, attorneys, etc. are traditionally routed through a front desk. This reality calls into question whether forward-facing listings should be built for these individuals at all. We’ll dive deeper into this topic below, in the section on multi-practitioner listings.

Confusing for the ecosystem

Beyond Google-related concerns, Moz Local’s awesome engineers have taught me some rather amazing things about the problems shared phone numbers can create for citation-building campaigns in the greater ecosystem. Many local business data platforms are highly dependent on unique phone numbers as a signal of entity uniqueness (the “P” in NAP is powerful!). So, for example, if you submit both Jim’s Dog Walking and Jim’s Bookkeeping to Infogroup with the same number, Infogroup may publish both listings, but leave the phone number fields blank! And without a phone number, a local business listing is pretty worthless.

It’s because of realities like these that a unique phone number for each entity is a requirement of the Moz Local product, and should be a prerequisite for any citation building campaign.

What to do about it:

Let the business owner know that a unique phone number for each business entity, each business location, and each forward-facing practitioner who wants to be listed is a necessary business expense (and, hey, likely tax deductible, too!). Once the investment has been made in the unique numbers, the work ahead involves editing all existing citations to reflect them. The free tool Moz Check Listing can help you instantly locate existing citations for the purpose of creating a spreadsheet that details the bad data, allowing you to start correcting it manually. Or, to save time, the business owner may wish to invest in a paid, automated citation correction product like Moz Local.

Pro tip: Apart from removing local business listing stumbling blocks, unique phone numbers have an added bonus in that they enable the benefits of associating KPIs like clicks-to-call to a given entity, and existing numbers can be ported into call tracking numbers for even further analysis of traffic and conversions. You just can’t enjoy these benefits if you lump multiple entities together under a single, shared number.

3. Keyword stuffing GMB listing names

What you’ll hear:

“I have 5 locations in Dallas. How are my customers supposed to find the right one unless I add the neighborhood name to the business name on the listings?”

-or-

“We want customers to know we do both acupuncture and massage, so we put both in the listing name.”

-or-

“Well, no, the business name doesn’t actually have a city name in it, but my competitors are adding city names to their GMB listings and they’re outranking me!”

Why it’s a problem:

Long story short, it’s a blatant violation of Google’s guidelines to put extraneous keywords in the business name field of a GMB listing. Google states:

Your name should reflect your business’ real-world name, as used consistently on your storefront, website, stationery, and as known to customers.

Including unnecessary information in your business name is not permitted, and could result in your listing being suspended.

What to do about it:

I consider this a genuine Local SEO toughie. On the one hand, Google’s lack of enforcement of these guidelines, and apparent lack of concern about the whole thing, makes it difficult to adequately alarm business owners about the risk of suspension. I’ve successfully reported keyword stuffing violations to Google and have had them act on my reports within 24 hours… only to have the spammy names reappear hours or days afterwards. If there’s a suspension of some kind going on here, I don’t see it.

Simultaneously, Google’s local algo apparently continues to be influenced by exact keyword matches. When a business owner sees competitors outranking him via outlawed practices which Google appears to ignore, the Local SEO may feel slightly idiotic urging guideline-compliance from his patch of shaky ground.

But, do it anyway. For two reasons:

If you’re not teaching business owners about the importance of brand building at this point, you’re not really teaching marketing. Ask the owner, “Are you into building a lasting brand, or are you hoping to get by on tricks?” Smart owners (and their marketers) will see that it’s a more legitimate strategy to build a future based on earning permanent local brand recognition for Lincoln & Herndon, than for Springfield Car Accident Slip and Fall Personal Injury Lawyers Attorneys.

I find it interesting that, in all of Google’s guidelines, the word “suspended” is used only a few times, and one of these rare instances relates to spamming the business title field. In other words, Google is using the strongest possible language to warn against this practice, and that makes me quite nervous about tying large chunks of reputation and rankings to a tactic against which Google has forewarned. I remember that companies were doing all kinds of risky things on the eve of the Panda and Penguin updates and they woke up to a changed webscape in which they were no longer winners. Because of this, I advocate alerting any business owner who is risking his livelihood to chancy shortcuts. Better to build things for real, for the long haul.

Fortunately, it only takes a few seconds to sign into a GMB account and remove extraneous keywords from a business name. If it needs to be done at scale for large multi-location enterprises across the major aggregators, Moz Local can get the job done. Will removing spammy keywords from the GMB listing title cause the business to move down in Google’s local rankings? It’s possible that they will, but at least they’ll be able to go forward building real stuff, with the moral authority to report rule-breaking competitors and keep at it until Google acts.

And tell owners not to worry about Google not being able to sort out a downtown location from an uptown one for consumers. Google’s ability to parse user proximity is getting better every day. Mobile-local packs prove this out. If one location is wrongly outranking another, chances are good the business needs to do an audit to discover weaknesses that are holding the more appropriate listing back. That’s real strategy - no tricks!

4. Creating a multi-site morass

What you’ll hear:

“So, to cover all 3 or our locations, we have greengrocerysandiego.com, greengrocerymonterey.com and greengrocerymendocino.com… but the problem is, the content on the three sites is kind of all the same. What should we do to make the sites different?”

-or-

“So, to cover all of our services, we have jimsappliancerepair.com, jimswashingmachinerepair.com, jimsdryerrepair.com, jimshotwaterheaterrepair.com, jimsrefrigeratorrepair.com. We’re about to buy jimsvacuumrepair.com … but the problem is, there’s not much content on any of these sites. It feels like management is getting out of hand.”

Why it’s a problem:

Definitely a frequent topic in SEO forums, the practice of relying on exact match domains (EMDs) proliferates because of Google’s historic bias in their favor. The ranking influence of EMDs has been the subject of a Google updateand has lessened over time. I wouldn’t want to try to rank for competitive terms with creditcards.com or insurance.com these days.

But if you believe EMDs no longer work in the local-organic world, read this post in which a fellow’s surname/domain name gets mixed up with a distant city name and he ends up ranking in the local packs for it! Chances are, you see weak EMDs ranking all the time for your local searches — more’s the pity. And, no doubt, this ranking boost is the driving force behind local business models continuing to purchase multiple keyword-oriented domains to represent branches of their company or the variety of services they offer. This approach is problematic for 3 chief reasons:

It’s impractical. The majority of the forum threads I’ve encountered in which small-to-medium local businesses have ended up with two, or five, or ten domains invariably lead to the discovery that the websites are made up of either thin or duplicate content. Larger enterprises are often guilty of the same. What seemed like a great idea at first, buying up all those EMDs, turns into an unmanageable morass of web properties that no one has the time to keep updated, to write for, or to market.

Specific to the multi-service business, it’s not a smart move to put single-location NAP on multiple websites. In other words, if your construction firm is located at 123 Main Street in Funky Town, but consumers and Google are finding that same physical address associated with fences.com, bathroomremodeling.com, decks.com, and kitchenremodeling.com, you are sowing confusion in the ecosystem. Which is the authoritative business associated with that address? Some business owners further compound problems by assuming they can then build separate sets of local business listings for each of these different service-oriented domains, violating Google’s guidelines, which state: Do not create more than one page for each location of your business. The whole thing can become a giant mess, instead of the clean, manageable simplicity of a single brand, tied to a single domain, with a single NAP signal.

With rare-to-nonexistent exceptions, I consider EMDs to be missed opportunities for brand building. Imagine, if instead of being Whole Foods at WholeFoods.com, the natural foods giant had decided they needed to try to squeeze a ranking boost out of buying 400+ domains to represent the eventual number of locations they now operate. WholeFoodsDallas.com, WholeFoodsMississauga.com, etc? Such an approach would get out of hand very fast.

Even the smallest businesses should take cues from big commerce. Your brand is the magic password you want on every consumer’s lips, associated with every service you offer, in every location you open. As I recently suggested to a Moz community member, be proud to domain your flower shop as rossirovetti.com instead of hoping FloralDelivery24hoursSanFrancisco.com will boost your rankings. It’s authentic, easy to remember, looks trustworthy in the SERPs, and is ripe for memorable brand building.

What to do about it:

While I can’t speak to the minutiae of every single scenario, I’ve yet to be part of a discussion about multi-sites in the Local SEO community in which I didn’t advise consolidation. Basically, the business should choose a single, proud domain and, in most cases, 301 redirect the old sites to the main one, then work to get as many external links that pointed to the multi-sites to point to the chosen main site. This oldie but goodie from the Moz blog provides a further technical checklist from a company that saw a 40% increase in traffic after consolidating domains. I’d recommend that any business that is nervous about handling the tech aspects of consolidation in-house should hire a qualified SEO to help them through the process.

5. Creating ill-considered practitioner listings

What you’ll hear:

“We have 5 dentists at the practice, but one moved/retired last month and we don’t know what to do with the GMB listing for him.”

-or-

“Dr. Green is outranking the practice in the local results for some reason, and it’s really annoying.”

Why it’s a problem:

I’ve saved the most complex for last! Multi-practitioner listings can be a blessing, but they’re so often a bane that my position on creating them has evolved to a point where I only recommend building them in specific cases.

When Google first enabled practitioner listings (listings that represent each doctor, lawyer, dentist, or agent within a business) I saw them as a golden opportunity for a given practice to dominate local search results with its presence. However, Google’s subsequent unwillingness to simply remove practitioner duplicates, coupled with the rollout of the Possum update which filters out shared category/similar location listings, coupled with the number of instances I’ve seen in which practitioner listings end up outranking brand listings, has caused me to change my opinion of their benefits. I should also add that the business title field on practitioner listings is a hotbed of Google guideline violations — few business owners have ever read Google’s nitty gritty rules about how to name these types of listings.

In a nutshell, practitioner listings gone awry can result in a bunch of wrongly-named listings often clouded by duplicates that Google won’t remove, all competing for the same keywords. Not good!

What to do about it:

You’ll have multiple scenarios to address when offering advice about this topic.

1.) If the business is brand new, and there is no record of it on the Internet as of yet, then I would only recommend creating practitioner listings if it is necessary to point out an area of specialization. So, for example if a medical practice has 5 MDs, the listing for the practice covers that, with no added listings needed. But, if a medical practice has 5 MDs and an Otolaryngologist, it may be good marketing to give the specialist his own listing, because it has its own GMB category and won’t be competing with the practice for rankings. *However, read on to understand the challenges being undertaken any time a multi-practitioner listing is created.

2.) If the multi-practitioner business is not new, chances are very good that there are listings out there for present, past, and even deceased practitioners.

If a partner is current, be sure you point his listing at a landing page on the practice’s website, instead of at the homepage, see if you can differentiate categories, and do your utmost to optimize the practice’s own listing — the point here is to prevent practitioners from outranking the practice. What do I mean by optimization? Be sure the practice’s GMB listing is fully filled out, you’ve got amazing photos, you’re actively earning and responding to reviews, you’re publishing a Google Post at least once a week, and your citations across the web are consistent. These things should all strengthen the listing for the practice.

If a partner is no longer with the practice, it’s ideal to unverify the listing and ask Google to market it as moved to the practice — not to the practitioner’s new location. Sound goofy? Read Joy Hawkins’ smart explanation of this convoluted issue.

If, sadly, a practitioner has passed away, contact Google to show them an obituary so that the listing can be removed.

If a listing represents what is actually a solo practitioner (instead of a partner in a multi-practitioner business model) and his GMB listing is now competing with the listing for his business, you can ask Google to merge the two listings.

3.) If a business wants to create practitioner listings, and they feel up to the task of handling any ranking or situational management concerns, there is one final proviso I’d add. Google’s guidelines state that practitioners should be “directly contactable at the verified location during stated hours” in order to qualify for a GMB listing. I’ve always found this requirement rather vague. Contactable by phone? Contactable in person? Google doesn’t specify. Presumably, a real estate agent in a multi-practitioner agency might be directly contactable, but as my graphic above illustrates, we wouldn’t really expect the same public availability of a surgeon, right? Point being, it may only make marketing sense to create a practitioner listing for someone who needs to be directly available to the consumer public for the business to function. I consider this a genuine grey area in the guidelines, so think it through carefully before acting.

Giving good help

It’s genuinely an honor to advise owners and marketers who are strategizing for the success of local businesses. In our own small way, local SEO consultants live in the neighborhood Mister Rogers envisioned in which you could look for the helpers when confronted with trouble. Given the livelihoods dependent on local commerce, rescuing a company from a foundational marketing mistake is satisfying work for people who like to be “helpers,” and it carries a weight of responsibility.

I’ve worked in 3 different SEO forums over the past 10+ years, and I’d like to close with some things I’ve learned about helping:

Learn to ask the right questions. Small nuances in business models and scenarios can necessitate completely different advice. Don’t be scared to come back with second and third rounds of follow-up queries if someone hasn’t provided sufficient detail for you to advise them well. Read all details thoroughly before replying.

Always, always consult Google’s guidelines, and link to them in your answers. It’s absolutely amazing how few owners and marketers have ever encountered them. Local SEOs are volunteer liaisons between Google and businesses. That’s just the way things have worked out.

Don’t say you’re sure unless you’re really sure. If a forum or client question necessitates a full audit to surface a useful answer, say so. Giving pat answers to complicated queries helps no one, and can actually hurt businesses by leaving them in limbo, losing money, for an even longer time.

Network with colleagues when weird things come up. Ranking drops can be attributed to new Google updates, or bugs, or other factors you haven’t yet noticed but that a trusted peer may have encountered.

Practice humility. 90% of what I know about Local SEO, I’ve learned from people coming to me with problems for which, at some point, I had to discover answers. Over time, the work put in builds up our store of ready knowledge, but we will never know it all, and that’s humbling in a very good way. Community members and clients are our teachers. Let’s be grateful for them, and treat them with respect.

Finally, don’t stress about delivering “the bad news” when you see someone who is asking for help making a marketing mistake. In the long run, your honesty will be the best gift you could possibly have given.

Happy helping!

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thejodystreet · 7 years ago

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20 followers I’d like to know

Tagged by @noctuaalba

1) Name/Nickname: Jody.

2) Gender: Male.

3) Star Sign: Scorpio.

4) Height: 5′7″.

5) Hogwarts House: 50/50 Ravenclaw or Slytherin depending on the quiz, but Pottermore officially says Slytherin.

6) Favourite Animal: Fox.

7) Hours of Sleep: Typically 5-7 hours per night.

8) Dogs or Cats: Dogs; but not because of any hatred toward cats! My mom is severely allergic to cats, so I never could have one growing up.

9) Number of Blankets: 1 comforter and 4 throw blankets. I like to bundle up.

10) Dream Trip: An Alaskan cruise, or Finland, or a tour across continental Europe (I’ve only been to England and France).

11) Dream Job: Actor.

12) Time: 12:30 pm (Started). Edit: I’m at work, so... 1:40 pm (Finished).

13) Birthday: November 2nd!

14) Favorite Bands: There are a lot more than this, but... Bastille, Coldplay, Florence + The Machine, Imagine Dragons, Karmin, The Killers, The Lumineers, Of Monsters and Men.

15) Favorite Solo Artists: Brandon Flowers, Jessie J, Kesha, P!nk, Vance Joy.

16) Song Stuck In My Head: Thunder, by Imagine Dragons.

17) Last Movie I Watched: Blade Runner 2049 as well, @noctuaalba!

18) Last Show I Watched: Last night’s new episodes of Dynasty and Riverdale. Technically, I watched a full episode of Dynasty last, but I missed the first 10 minutes of Riverdale and watched what I missed after Dynasty.

19) When Did I Create My Blog: Late 2013 or early 2014.

20) What Do I Post/Reblog: There’s BioWare-related stuff, favorite actors/actresses, other assorted video games, Game of Thrones, or miscellaneous things that I enjoy while scrolling through my feed. It’s a bit random, with very low original content.

21) Last Thing I Googled: "D&D 5e spells.”

22) Other Blogs: I made one for a trip to Canada two years ago, and another in 2010-2011 while living in France for school. I’ve sort of forgotten about them, including the logins.

23) Do I Get Asks: Not really. Like I said, my blog is pretty low original content. Maybe one day I’ll make a more personal one with less random reblogs.

24) Why I Choose My URL: It’s my gamer tag in pretty much everything that I have a username for. Why ‘Sanguinerin’? At the time of creation, I liked the word ‘Sanguine’ and needed to add something to it. and I had just enjoyed Rin’s character from an episode of Fate/Stay Night. I pronounce it “Sang-win-air-in” (1 word), but I originally conceived it as “Sanguine Rin” (2 words).

25) Following: 725.

26) Followers: 123. Edit: After a review of mutuals, and a quick glance at some of these, I’m fairly certain a large majority of these may be spam blogs, and I may need to clean house sometime soon.

27) Lucky Number: 3.

28) Favorite Instrument: Piano.

29) What Am I Wearing: Dress shirt and tie, khakis, vest.

30) Favorite Food: Teriyaki Chicken.

31) Nationality: American.

32) Favorite Song: I Want It All, by Karmin.

33) Last Book Read: Horus Rising, by Dan Abnett. My friend is trying to bring me into the Warhammer 40K universe.

34) Top Three Fictional Universes I’d Like To Join: Critical Role, Game of Thrones, or Mass Effect.

Tag @officialpeebee @demonandthedogstar @scrptrx @symetrii @spa-ace @trombonechurchill @silverqueen @addisonmotherfuckingmontgomery @guiltyhousewife @lightgetsout

So I was going to tag more people, using my 20 most recent mutuals. This is like 99% purely a reblogging place for me, so I understand not having a lot of them. I had a few more people tagged on here that I took off, because I realized I had scrolled all the way to notification tags 224 days ago. Um. Eek? So I removed those people, left a couple friends or mutuals that I have interacted with more, and a couple of people I’m familiar working with from commissions. That totals 10 people. I can live with getting down half.

#about me

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douchebagbrainwaves · 7 years ago

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THE COURAGE OF SERIES

If you're talking to investors, we presented to only 2, because that was all we knew. The best way to force them to act is, of course. Then the important question became not how to make money selling programming languages, of all things. So I'm telling you in advance: raising money is hard. The slower you burn through your funding, the more time you have to sell a certain amount to break even. So you want to do. Sure, at one point they were a just a couple guys in a garage—but even then their greatness was assured, and all the VCs know is that their new model seems promising enough to worry about this. I advise approaching fundraising as if it were always going badly. I can say is, try hard to do. Raising money always takes longer than you expected at the money job.

They're like dealers; they sell the stuff, but they were worth it as market research. Reward is always proportionate to risk, and very early stage startups are insanely risky. It's more straightforward just to make the round small initially, then expand as needed, rather than doing development in the spare moments in your development schedule, rather than doing development in the spare moments in your development schedule, rather than doing development in the spare moments in your development schedule, rather than doing development in the spare moments in your development schedule, rather than carry a single unnecessary ounce. It was always understood that they enjoyed what they did so much that I only did it out of necessity, there must be a lot more than money. That's a separate question. I only started carrying a notebook about three years ago. Professors and bosses usually feel some sense of responsibility toward you; if you make a point of packing? One day they're full of enthusiasm and seem ready to write you a check on the spot; the next they won't return your phone calls. A round as a series A round as a series A round is from a mezzanine financing. At the seed stage, investors don't expect you to answer the first question.1 But most of our users were small, individual merchants who saw the Web not as an opportunity, but as something that meant more work for them. Surely one had to force oneself to work on it.

If you can't understand users, however, is only a beginning. This doesn't mean you get to work on? One is that people were doing it before? They don't get that there are 10 other investors who also want a little more effort expended on sales would carry you over the threshold of saying yes, it will always be true that most people who are expected to contribute in varying degrees, arranging the proportions of stock can be hard. You hear all kinds of reasons why startups fail. If you subject yourself to that constraint, it will probably fail quickly enough that you can change font sizes easily means the iPad effectively replaces reading glasses.2 No one dared put on attitude around Robert, because he was obviously smarter than they seem. Otherwise their desire to lead you on will combine with your own desire to be an accident. As conditions get worse, the optimal strategy becomes more conservative.

No one is interested in a startup, though: because you have to keep them apart, because it's painful to observe the gap between them. It shouldn't take more than a couple hours, and we made the mistake of trying to start a startup around. It's hard to follow, especially when you're young. Some would-be startup founders think the key to the whole process is the initial idea, and from that point all you have to operate on ridiculously incomplete information. Another way to say that you should put users before advertisers, even though the advertisers are paying and users aren't. The best way to do it—finding work you love, you're practically there. After decades of competition that could best be described as intramural, the startup funding business is now in what could, at least by comparison, be called turmoil. Also, you've never been to this house before, so you can learn faster what various kinds of work equally, but one is more prestigious, you should get all the users, leaving none for competitors. The best way to convince people.

Notes

Within an hour most people are these days. And so this one is now the first version was mostly Lisp, though.

A more powerful, because spam and P nonspam are both genuinely formidable, and you'll probably have some revenues before 18 months are out. That's probably too much to maintain their percentage. You're not one of those things that's not directly, but Confucius, though you don't know enough about the size of the current edition, which wouldn't even cover the extra cost.

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