#dare i say im cringe but im free???????????

[baylardian-1]

made these doodles as space filler on my art dumps lol

[cora0rr3m]

crk oc making grind time 🔥🔥🔥

Small sneak peek: Her name’s gonna be Hazelnut Toffee Cookie ;)

[lamperts-rokea]

".. I'm.. sorry, that I haven't been.. very nice to you. I have.. issues with that type of stuff." [He tries to look at Infected in its eyes, but panics and lowers his head again, feeling even more embarrassed.]

"..I do care, I just can't.. express it well. And people misread my signals. I'm sorry." [He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He slowly runs Infecteds hand with his own thumb, feeling his warm skin against his own cold, cold metal.. actually, he didn't know if he was cold or not, but he felt cold mentally. He hated the feeling.]

[his mind was still whirling with thoughts, almost dizzying. He tenses every now and then. He looks uncomfortable, but if he really was, wouldn't he be pulling away..?]

"H1 l4mp3Rt !!"

[ hi Lampert !! ]

{HI, HELLO, EXPPLODES < mod}

- @infections-computer

[his eyes widen a bit, and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.]

"oh.. hey, Infected. How are you feeling?" [He asks, fidgeting with his hands.]

(WAVES HELLO HELLO)

[toram-toram]

The sneak peek of your fic…I fell to my knees

His tallman form just suits the pervy middle-aged man look SO WELL (regular chilchuck doesn’t look sleazy enough imo)

He’s so mean to you, but he’s secretly fantasizing about doing all sorts of nasty shit to you & doesn’t know how to deal with it, so he takes it out on you

Oh my god the panty sniffing - do you think he steals them too??

pls ignore me if the question makes you uncomfortable! I just have a lot of chucklefuck thoughts >.<

COLLAB WITH ANON<3 NSFW

PERVER TALL MAN CHILCHUCK X FEM READER

HIHIHI IM HAPPY TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THISSS

Tall Man Chilchuck is definitely one of those men who spends his free time drinking beer while watching whatever show is on the tv. And almost every night before bed he watches some porn to jerk off to.

And omg if he has a crush on you... he would 100% act like an old jerk 😭 I feel like he would also tease and poke you a lot bc that's the only physical contact he dares to do. He might be middle-aged but his emotional skills are on the same level as a 15 year old...

But YEEES he's so emotionally constipated he doesn't know how to act around you!! Sometimes he's a jerk, sometimes he's super sweet, friendly and playful and sometimes he's super cold AND IT DRIVES YOU INSANE!! WHAT'S WITH THESE MIXED SIGNALS??

I bet that every time after a hangout, Chilchuck just lies in bed thinking back about things he said to you and cringe a lot lol "Ugh wtf did I say that? What a loser" or something like that.

He would be so frustrated over his actions but specifically, over YOUR actions!! How dare you look so pretty? How dare you sit next to him, he always gets dizzy over your smell and the proximity. How dare you dress that way? Like... super sexy and cute ugh c'mon.

And then he notices he's blushing super hard and touching his crotch over his pants... The only solution? Open p*rnhub and search videos of someone with the same features as yours. After that, go to sleep with a heavy conscience.

About the stealing panties... He would heavily consider it... But I think he would stop himself before he reaches it lol, he would probably think about his daughters, especially if you are younger than him, he would feel absolutely disgusted. But omg Imagine if you forget something in his house after a hangout at his place, like a sweater or something... He would definitely be smelling and touching himself to it. After all, you sent him a message asking for him to return it to you, so he might as well enjoy it while he has it...

Anyway... I spoke too much lol but I'm suuuuper normal about him...

[hanjisungslag]

attack on titan headcanons #6

## - random things you say say to each other

genre - crack (?)

pairing - aot x reader

word count - 0.1k

warning - none!!

notes - hai hai ( ^ω^ )

- EREN JAEGER

minus talking about being free and killing all titans, he 100% talks about all the imaginary fights he’d have with the higher ups.

“i think i could beat levi up y’know”

“eren be so for real right now. i know he’s small but goddamn..”

“NO BUT, IF I PUT IN ENOUGH EFFORT LIKE—”

“eren.. SHUT UP RIGHT NOW STOTPTPP”

you slapped your hands over his big mouth because levi was literally walking right past you guys.

- MIKASA ACKERMAN

“i think i could kill a titan with a spoon”

“oh. i-i believe in you babe!”

- ARMIN ARLERT

you always make shit weird.

“i wonder what the ocean will feel like between your toes”

“i mean like i can recreate the feeling….”

“y/n. PLEASE STOP”

- JEAN KIRSTEIN

he also talks about beating people up, thinks he’s so cool (humble him). he does talk about omelettes, working with the royals and you a lot though.

“nah, y’know that fight with eren? i was just tired honestly likeee…”

“jean.”

“I WAS THOUGH, I TRAINED HARD OKAY”

“I COULD TAKE HIM IF I WANTED TO”

“shhh… eat your omelette.”

- SASHA BRAUS

talks about really weird food combinations.

“what if i dipped some fruit in some meat juice and had bread with it”

“… actually.”

“what?”

“i’m down to try that one!”

so, you both ran off and tried some 😄

- CONNIE SPRINGER

talks utter shit

“if the beast titan was a lot smaller, he’d be a pretty cool pet.”

“you mean.. like a monkey?”

“YEAH A MONKEY, OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO SMART!”

“…”

- REINER BRAUN

talks about how big and strong he is. picks you up at any given chance.

“so, y/n…”

“REINER, IF YOU ASK ME FOR ANOTHER PIGGYBACK RIDE ISTG”

“PLEASE IM JUST SO BIG AND STRONG, PLEASEEEE”

- ANNIE LEONHART

she walks around like she’s a 6’6 buff man.

“annie babe, you look like you’re walking with something up your ass.”

“i’m just asserting dominance around here”

- BERTOLT HOOVER

all of his stories relate to another (in some way, he says at least) so he just rambles and rambles.

“.. and then you’re really short which reminds me about stems and y’know what reminds me of stems, some long, some short? grapes. and i hate grapes—”

“HOW DID WE END UP HERE”

- ERWIN SMITH

says hubba hubba. unironically.

“lets see the outfit for date night, babe”

“okay, here i come” you stroll out the bedroom in a beautiful long, silk dress that hugged every one of your curves perfectly.

“hubba hubba..”

“haha..thanks.” you said trying not to rip your own hair out due to the cringe that you felt.

- LEVI ACKERMAN

just a lot of shit talk. like literal shit talk.

“how long does it take to get ready? i could’ve had at least 3 shits by now.”

“actually, at this rate, maybe even four.”

you finally walk out, ready for your day of shopping.

“how do you actually calculate that?”

“you don’t wanna know.” he said coldly.

- HANGE ZOË

definitely need to be diagnosed with something.

“how dare titans be killers! imagine if they just didn’t eat us, and were nice - we could keep them as pets!”

“well yeah..”

[fenharel]

some of my thoughts after finishing veilguard a couple days ago before i start my second playthrough :)

ok i think its important to note first that the things i was most looking forward too was 1. solas, 2. solavellan, 3. lore. im self aware enough to know that this will have had some influence towards what i expected from the game and what i enjoyed/cared about or not 👍

good

solas: im honestly so happy. my man is finally happy and reunited with his wife!!!!!! my heart feels so full 😭 this game was a solas fans wet dream. absolutely loved everything we got. hunting down regrets and watching old memories. talking to him in the fade. the entire crossroads!!!!!! him shit talking elgar'nan. watching him go trickster mode and imprison rook. fighting the archdemon as the dread wolf!!!!!! i could go on forever. CHEFS KISS TO IT ALL<3333333333333 if anything i wish there would have been MORE im greedy what can i say

solavellan: screaming crying throwing up. i still cant believe it oh my fucking god

lore reveals: i found all the reveals about all our old theories so fun. i didnt like all of them (old gods are just dragons? c'mon.) but overall it felt so rewarding to have picked up on it all. or be totally surprised by something (mythal and solas the reason for the titans and the blight? wow.)

the executors, forgotten and forbidden ones: the next big bads of the next game huh!!!! loved what we got for the most part, the mysterious circle codexes where probably the most interesting in the game. anaris actually showing up shocked me. i wish bellaras brother didnt say "for plot reasons i must die" and actually told us something about him but oh well. im cautiously optimistic about the secret ending for now. what it implied could go either way for now...

main quest: not all of them, but a lot of them were awesome. dare i say some quests were up there with the best main quests in da??? weisshaupt was epic. or the blood of arlathan. every time we get to talk to solas (thehe<3). the final bits. the strong points were so strong that the low points got highlighted a bit too much imo

act 3: by far my favourite act. this was soooo good. the romance finally (?!) kicking it. suicide mission 2.0 stressed me tf out. the varric reveal? send me to the asylum. solas tricking rook? king behaviour i was cheering for him while crying about varric. the dread wolf transformation. the conversation between solas/mythal/lavellan at the end. i basically was in tears throughout half of the thing. couldnt read the credits at all. act 3 was amazing

minrathous vs treviso: i loved this especially with the angst of playing a shadow dragon who failed minrathous. and then the consequences and quest changes this causes throughout the game was really cool. i wish there were more bigger choices like this since it felt a bit flat choice wise besides of this one, but it was amazing.

villains: ghilan'nain and elgar'nan were great. they really felt like the tyrannical gods they were supposed to be. im so glad there was mostly no corypheus-esque cringe. (tho especially ghil had some video gamey lines but sdjkfhjksdf i still love her)

neutral

rook: i dont really care much about rook.. 🙈. mind you rook was certainly not the reason why i wanted to play this game so im sure a second playthrough will make me warm up to them more, now that my head is more free, but it just didnt insta click. rook didnt feel like a real person to me, almost nobody had any (to my taste) realistic reactions towards them. the stakes just were too high for them to get treated this way (nobody is pissed off that they freed the gods? everyone just believes them when they say gods are walking around? everyone just agrees to work with them? nobody cares how rook is doing? or who rook even is? idk.) i didnt like the introduction much either. the shepard treatment didnt work for me here, just believing that rook is fit for the job because varric says so wasn't enough for me. rook also has barely anything going on for them either besides of being the relentless "good guy". we never see them doubt themselves or be fearful or be mean. all the dialogue options are the same as well. its.... boring. anyway i dont wanna bash on rook, i know i'll end up liking them more later. the headcanons will be headcanoning<3

companions: i... don't have strong feelings about most of them? all of them got to me sooner or later, made me cry. but afterwards im still 🤷‍♀️ about most. i didnt feel like we get to know them as deeply as we get to know companions in the previous games. i really really missed sitting in the lighthouse for hours and talk to them, ask them about their profession or what they are about outside of cutscenes like in the previous ones. i think that would have helped me click with them faster. i didnt find all companion quests very strong either. the "high stakes" of the main story made some conflicts feel a bit like we can just fix that after the story lol. i did not like the mass effect 2 treatment of them much... (but me2 is overrated anyway sshh dont kill me<3) some companion quests i did find interesting lore wise (bellara, harding) even if i wish that some of them would have went a bit deeper there. anyway i know i'll probably end up loving them all after a couple of playthroughs, this almost always happens to me, dai is the best example.

combat: don't care. this isn't my type of combat, i don't play a lot of super actiony combo dodge dodge block combat games. still hate the limited abilities. at least it didn't feel too clunky on mouse and keyboard and it was "fun enough" to me so thats good

puzzles: i could put them into the bad category but at least they weren't too terrible so i don't want to be too harsh. but i don't enjoy doing them. i dont want to search for a crystal in a bush. i mean i did them all but at what cost. this felt like filler i thought they wanted to avoid by not adding fetch quests???

bad

pacing: this games hardest battle imo. the pacing of the game is... strange. act 1 is way too fast. it feels like we're running and have absolutely no time for anything. (makes sense! didnt work well though). act 2 then drags a bit with all the companion quests, and the mix really drags the progression of the romances as well to a ridiculous degree. at least with lucanis, idk how it is with the others. i love him and i can headcanon to fill in the blanks so i liked his romance, but it does make it seem like nothing is happening for 50 hours for everyone who doesnt like to headcanon around. anyway, the pacing/storytelling felt often not fitting. it was trying to be mass effect in a story that is too complex and the lore too rich to run through it. this felt like the main reason why we just never went very deep into the lore of the factions or new npcs, or learn or see certain things, the complex nature of the crows, or tevinter magisters and their slaves, we are just running all the damn time? we never get to explore certain things that would feel unnatural to come up in a conversation or in some other way because we are limited by the things the story "has time for". or what the devs had time for.

wishy washy writing: not everywhere but in some places and im not used to that in a da game so its a bit baffling. "the blight is different now so thats the reason for x trust me bro" ok....? "the first of my people do not die so easily" = mythal is shattered and lives on, makes sense. but the other evanuris are all dead, even the ones that were "dead" already? why? idk........ i shall stay delusional for now and hope i've missed something in my completionist run that i now in my next run will find somewhere lol. besides of that, the tone and language used by rook and companions is strangely unfitting as well. coloquial words like "it's cool" are frequently used, among other things. it stands in contrast to the writing of the previous games and is often immersion breaking.

limited worldstate: i had hoped they at least commit to it when i heard about this. but then adding little references that could have just been made personal by switching one line just made the reference a bit jarring sometimes instead of exciting. or making morrigan eat mythals memories for the regret quest....really? this could have been the well of sorrows choice, why could they not have just made the inquisitor show up in the crossroads if they were the one that drank from it. this whole choice thing + some other problems ended up feeling like something they didnt really want to do but ended up doing because the game was in development for so long they just had to finally fucking finish it. and it sucks for us.

the veil: why... is it still there? they left breadcrumps of clues throughout the entire series about all the positives it would do if it was gone, even add a damn prophecy, and then just dont do it.... ever perhaps? must the blight really be cured for this? demons forever feared? listen im just glad solas is ok at the end of the day but he could still have had his redemption/healing/forgiving himself moment after destroying it imo.

i wish the inquisitor was more involved in everything :((( the moments we did get made me SO happy but. yeah.

no quicksave and the skip button that ruined my screenshots deserve their own bullet point what the hell

anyway enough yapping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! overall i loved the game because the stuff i cared about the most was the best aspects of the game sdkjhsdjkf im not ashamed to admit that this is my new solas 2.0 game. ..... <3

[juyomiao]

take the chance - ricky

ricky x gn!reader

genre: fluff !!! , best friends to lovers

word count: 791

warnings: ENGLISH ISNT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!! so theres going to be mistakes !!! , alcohol consumption but its barely mentioned , is it considered underage drinking if it'd only be considered as underage drinking in countries where the drinking age is above 18/19 ,, (i feel bad for u if u r from any of those countries fr)

note: first actually written work im kinda # nervous my writing skills r .. definitely writing !! this is cringe cliché and based on a dream i had like a month ago . yes im a lesbian yes i dream abt kissing ricky thats completely normal . (friends dont read this i want to disappear rn as i speak)

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You've been to countless parties since the half of the previous school year when your best friend Ricky became popular out of nowhere. You still don't know where that popularity came from, he's always been good looking, it's not like he had some kind of glow up.

Sometimes you think it's more of a curse than a blessing, with all the times you've been dragged to a party you were not invited to because Ricky, being the introvert he is, refuses to go anywhere without you and, consequently, getting dirty looks from everyone for tagging along and 'leeching' off of Ricky's popularity.

Even now, when people have more or less come to terms with the fact that you two are a package deal, you still despise parties, only appreciating a few things about them, like drinking for free and… nothing else, really.

It's not like Ricky enjoys them either, he'd rather stay home with you and watch some romance drama as you eventually fall asleep with your head on his shoulder. But it's not like he can reject every single invite thrown at him. So you two came to a compromise: one weekend at a party, one weekend at your house.

The boredom of awkwardly standing in a corner as you silently watch yet another drunk couple make out, careless of the countless other people surrounding them, soon gets to you, and you blurt out a question.

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

Ricky's calm expression falters for a second, his eyes widening. He just hopes the dimly lit room is hiding the blush creeping on his cheeks.

He's your best friend, how do you not know?

Well, Ricky is a private person and, even having known him for years, he barely talks about his romantic life, so you've never dared prying into it.

"Of course," he says, after composing himself "You?"

You shake your head, breaking eye contact with him. "And I don't think it's going to happen any time soon," you sigh. At this point, it's a hopeless mission.

Ricky is convinced if it wasn't for the loud music in the background, everyone would be able to hear the cogs turning in his brain as it processes this information.

His best friend – whom he has had a crush on since forever – has never kissed someone.

Ricky looks at you through the corner of his eye, wondering if he should take the chance and possibly change your relationship forever – for the better or the worse, he doesn't know.

To you, though, it just looks like he's side-eyeing you with his usual unreadable expression, and you think you fucked up. You assume he's judging you, because not only are you a complete, bitchless loser, but you brought the conversation up yourself.

"Forget it, I don't know why I said that, sorry, now you probably think I'm weird and…" you start rambling, and to Ricky, that's the cutest thing he has ever seen.

God, he's really that down bad.

Suddenly, an idea pops up in his head.

"Can I kiss you?"

The abrupt question leaves you speechless, your words dying in your mouth as you look at him like he has grown a second head.

"What?" It sounds dumb once you say it, but you genuinely think you misheard him. There's no way Ricky, of all people, would ask you something like that.

Ricky smiles, "I said," he turns with his shoulder leaning on the wall so he can look at you directly "Can I kiss you?"

You blink at him, dumbfounded "Wha- what? Did you… what? Did you actually say that? Am I hearing this right?"

Ricky nods, clearly amused by your reaction

"If this is a joke, it's not funny, like, at all."

"Why would I be joking?" Ricky's expression goes back to deadpan serious, he inches closer to your face "So? Is this a yes?"

You nod slowly, still trying to process what's happening. You shouldn't want this, you shouldn't be so tempted to kiss your best friend. But you are.

Before you can overthink it any further, Ricky closes the space between you two. He's hesitant at first, his lips barely brushing against yours, but when you clumsily try to reciprocate the kiss, he takes the lead.

It doesn't feel special, or magic, or like anything else people have described their first kiss as. It's just two best friends who realized their feelings for each other. And to you, that's perfect.

"So… now what?"

"How about we get out of here and go on a date?" You sigh, shaking your head, "Ricky, it's…" you check your phone "1 AM, where would we even go?"

He seems to genuinely think about it for a solid one or two minutes "McDonald's?"

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note 2 bc i cant stfu : WHY IS THE ENDING SO RUSHED I WANT TO SCREAM.. but i've wanted to post this for like a week now so im posting it anyways , pls leave some feedback if u liked it 🫶🏻

[valeriele3]

Hello hellooo~ How's your day? Hope It's been good!

I see that you write for Enstars?

I've read the rules so here I am..! If what I'm about to request though violates a rule whatsoever please ignore/delete this request

If it doesn't bother you too much..Can I please request a yandere or self-aware (Or maybe both yandere and self-aware combined?) Ritsu Sakuma x Reader?

~Sincerely, Ritsu simp Rin <3

Ritsu Sakuma x GN!Reader

Warnings: Yandere, ooc, mention of harm that can be inflicted physically or mentally and mentions of a nasty co-worker

Summary: Ritsu’s jealousy and anger got the best of him

Hi hiii~ Don’t worry as you didn’t violate a rule and the self-aware/Yandere isss part of what I accept soo it’s alright

Also this may or may not have some things that happened to me in-game cough cough the start cough cough

I apologize for the ooc and hope you enjoy this <3

Btw..Important A/N in the end and apologies in advance for the massive cringe that’ll bring you back to 2018 or smth

“I swear if they do the La Mort event next..”

“Sigh..It’s because of that Limited Chiaki and the current collab that I lost my savings..”

“My poor beloved Ritsu..I’m so so sorry”

In the screen Ritsu seems to be asleep but in reality..Ritsu is awake

Ritsu was and still is listening to his beloved darling go on about how they lost their saving

Ritsu looks calm and peaceful on the screen but inside he is fuming with anger, annoyance, and jealousy

‘Tch..Those diamonds were meant for ME and ME only..! It isn’t fair! They used up everything in the Antique’s Fair event too..What’s so great about those two? They already have my cards, isn’t that enough?!’

‘But..At least they didn’t pull in that bastards fc’

‘No matter. They’ll be in my arms and mine alone soon’

‘Just wait for me darling. I’ll come get you soon’

“The heck? Why’d Ritsu laugh out of no where lmao”

‘Oops’

“Hmm..Judging from the line of events in the JP one the La Mort event is still super far off..The one with Little Romance will even come first..”

“WAIT NO! FUCK! THE ART OF RITSU IN THAT IS ONE THAT A 5 STAR CARD HAS FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO FUCKED! MY BELOVED IM SO SO SORRY!!”

‘Sigh..They’re panicking again. But, I’m glad that’s how much they love and care about me..’

‘Maybe we really are meant to be..No, we are meant to be’

‘Maybe I should..’

“Eh? HappyEle you are the absolute best! Ehehehheeheh another free 10 scouts for me~!”

“ ‘Due to some issues with [KNIGHTS] Ritsu Sakuma’s voice lines we have issued out free 10x Idol Jewel (Ritsu Sakuma). We apologize for any inconvenience’ Sweet! And ten too!”

‘Do you like my gifts darling? Hopefully you won’t find it too suspicious if I were to send in some more’

Ritsu says to himself as he watches you peacefully sleep after a long day of work

“Looking at your face calms me down..I swear, I hate that guy so much! Can’t he see no one likes him? Everyone in the office avoids that bastard yet he still can’t see it. He’s so lucky he’s my superior, if not I would’ve punched him so many times already”

‘This person again..I swear I’ll kill him.’

‘How DARE he touch what’s mine’

‘That’s it. Tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow, I simply can’t wait anymore’

“Another day, another grind”

“Hm? Is Ritsu glitching? Love? You okay?”

“I’m alright, Darling”

“Huh? Wha—”

Soo..Yeah..I got lazy..Please take this cringe Yandere Ritsu (ㆀ˘･з･˘)

.

.

.

Important A/N: I KNOW THAT’S YOU! You can’t hide yourself from me “Rin”. Don’t you “I see you write for Enstars?” Me, you know I do (⌒▽⌒) Also pls give me back my Ritsu keychain

[robotsrawesome64]

Idk if your still accepting match ups for COD but here you go.

I’m a Gemini, ENFJ, trans Masc, He/Him, I’m a bit mouthy with a lot of different hobbies. I cuss a lot and pick at the skin around my thumbs as a nervous habit. I have a hard time opening up to people and tend to flinch when I get touched by someone for the first time. But once I do get friendly with you I tend to make more sexual jokes and crasser humor.

I wear glasses and usually long pants with sweater or tank tops with open button ups.

I’m Aromantic but Allosexual which means I have a hard time forming romantic attachment with people, but I wouldn’t find physical intimacy or affection.

I’m a cuddler, I love blankets and stuffed animals. I like music and writing. My favorite animal is a bunny.

I love cooking for people and others. So in the COD universe I would probably be just a civilian who works at a restaurant or something.

I’m fine with light angst and I prefer someone from task force 141.

Thank you so much for this!

S-S-S-S-SIMON

TWS: Implication of abusive home life, physical abuse scar, anxiety, picking, smoking(tobacco and weed), light drinking, aro dread (worry of being romantically liked), work stress (+reader shouts in kitchen), customer service, anger for shitty higher up, sudden snappy rejection to joke-brief mention, momentary disassociation+heat descriptive, gossip mention, momentary suggestiveness, depressivey thinking (PURP=SIMON) + Cuddly/platonic touchy Simon, aro4aro, hope this is ok and doesn't read too romantic, was thinking close squish vibes 😭💕 (im slowly learning; education welcome) Realistically sexual attraction would probz be a huge part but I cannae write it so feel free to mind blast the gaps

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Young adult Simon begrudgingly picking up a kitchen porter job. A role in your kitchen- well, as far as anybody was concerned. You'd been promoted to sous chef fast in this crappy bar/restaurant hybrid joint, which would be surprising if not for the paint peeling off the walls and constant inconsistencies of management.

Such as: yet again, you are left understaffed on a peak day and YOU had to lead ship because your shitass head chef didn't show up. Whoop de doo. What's more, you're tasked with training the fucking new guy, who- when you first had to come find him- seemed to have an attitude with an entitled cocky sway and his hands in his pockets. But that wasn't important right now; you had shit to prep and fast.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Safe to say the day was a blur. You muttering rushedly and guiding him in and around, barely getting a chance to meet him and take the sight of him in; just cringing as you try to squeeze past the big guy without touching, to and from your station.

The most you got was your anxious glances over your shoulder to check everything was running; that he was doing his job. A flash of his tatted arm flexing to press down the pass-through dish washer, suggesting the patchy art went up further when his crusty spare uniform's sleeve would move slightly in the motion. Oh, uh- good for him. Focus up.

What you hadn't gotten the space to witness was how Simon's personal too-good-for-this ambiance had quickly flattened into his tall frame curling over the sinks uncomfortably. His head down, diligent and thorough, only daring to give you morbidly interested side-glances when you weren't looking. He was otherwise very tuned in to the sound of you barking arguably obscenely worded orders at the junior chefs, daze only broken when one was suddenly directed at him- in which he whipped his head up to obey with a croaked out "Yes, chef."

Which made you double-take; this wasn't that kinda snooty establishment. He almost made your stressed scowl turn to a laugh from the shock, but no, he seemed dead serious as he effectively completed your request.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Before you knew it you had survived the reckoning of unprecedented big tables and last-minute front-of-house promised function food, leaving your eyes glazed in the direction of the finally unmoving ticket machine after allowing your chefs break. The uncomfortable wet trickle down the back of your neck expanded your awareness back into your body: the warm flush from the kitchen's humidity; the sore realization of your fingers on your thumb; the..gaze on the back of you? Sure enough, Simon 'casually' turned his head back around to totally (/s) focus on his piled-up workload. The hums of machinery, radio and distant chatter all seemed tensely faint in the silence of you two mandatorily alone.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ But hey, he definitely wasn't so bad. His gloomy, blunt countenance entertaining no-one (except maybe you, and a couple front-of-house girlies) when he barely bothered to stay after work for group drinks, etcetera. Don't get me wrong, he certainly had his own dry spark, but more often than not he'd seem to small-talk folks into a corner so he could back out and leave (especially with the girls). Sigh. Destined to never bond with the weird dude on a night out.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Or so that was your estimate, until mid adrenaline-filled panic from a work mistake, you see him over there reservedly wiggling to your music from the kitchen speaker as he worked. Or the first time he talked back to you in the kitchen, loud deadpan delivery as he teased you (to your co-workers' bafflement)- which just resulted in a loop of increasingly sweary quarreling, to Simon's probably-shouldn't-be growing smile to himself.

Thankfully, despite his words, he didn't fuck around. You could trust him with his role plenty fine. Or just trust him at work in general.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ When your head chef finally decided to clock in and had the nerve to start talking you out on this and that- oh my god. You did your best, but come break your hand was already exasperatedly dragging across your face as you walked to your spot. Simon roughly there too, mid smoke. Probably due back soon.

He nodded up in recognition, letting you settle before potentially opening the floodgates.

"He's a twat."

If you wanted to just sit, he'd sit. Plenty same if you needed to talk, allowing you good, deep time to vent whilst ad-libbing in agreement at your head's absolute expense.

None would go unnoticed, nor the way how your nails kinda fucked up your thumb as you spoke. It's not like he'd be on your ass about picking, just...details. Conclusively, your strife had successfully absorbed over to him, and now he was just bubbling in sympathetic frustration at the unfairness at his teammates energy being wholly undermined, disrespected and taken.

One thing was sure, full seriousness, if you wanted to go to HR/etc. about it, he'd absolutely have your back.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Second thing: the next day when he clocked in, he pulled something fluffy out his bag. What's tha- aww. A fuzzy little plush white rabbit, how cute is that? Conveniently pocket size. You tease him, because that didn't usually seem to be his style, before he's casually plopped it in your hands.

How did he..? I guess a lot of public conversations happen on the clock, and that he was listening to yours.

It was..nice..but..? It wasn't a nice feeling in your stomach, anxiously fiddling with Pocket Bunny instead with an thousand yard stare as you processed your emotions. You liked him, definitely, but the thoughtful gesture planted that worry that he was romantically interested. To say the least, it's always such a headache feeling forced to put out a 'disclaimer' on your existence. Co-worker gossip wasn't helping.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ So, you were brave. The pit in your gut uncomfortably hollowing further when he enthusiastically agreed to join for after-work drinks (because you asked), something he still barely does.

What seemed like excruciating filler time later, you're finally mostly alone, squeezed into some semi-sticky booth-table-thing. Simon leant over to you, squinting through the erratic dim, dark purple lights and shouting conversation over rumbly generic club music with his other hand on his drink.

Eventually you blurt out back the topic of your worries. Kind of. Not exactly confessing, but making the questions of orientation inescapable. Your heart just pounds faster when he pronounces back a, "WHAT?", leaning closer, 'cause he can't hear for shit in here- making you double down and repeat yourself until he's looking at you a little dumbfounded. How the dancing lights reflected pure off his wide dark ones was stressful until he burst out into a ramble, that piece by piece, seemed to resemble your own thoughts. Like a description for aromanticism by someone who didn't know the term. Your tension relievedly, gradually breaking and melting off. Adrenaline, however, still there as you bounce back in educational agreement.

It was like a weight had been lifted, truly. For him too apparently. The hypocrisy of the head chef being back wasn't as bad as previously thought if it meant more time slacking off with him. Sarcastic, bawdy back-and-forths in the kitchen that actually got him to crack into a proper chuckle (and got you both told off). Just shit that shouldn't be said that Simon was unblinking at, just returning that attentive amused look that got you through the day.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ So much so that Simon actually picked up more shifts. Something he was hesitant about from the workplace itself, but he needed the money, and being out the house was very welcome and having a friendly face there made it not-so-bad.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Or-finally- someone to side-eye at their peers and heads weird shit. Better yet to back you up, when Simon spoke out for you a couple of times. Someone to babble, pace and rant to outside in their own little break spot whilst he smoked.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ More shifts meant seeing each-other more, all of them. So when you eventually crack, from just life in general, or the last straw from the kitchen, he'd meet with you as soon as he could, offering a presence, a hug.. anything you want.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ His hugs are really fucking good. Cozy as hell. You can bury your face in the crook of his neck or his chest and he wouldn't flinch, just hugging you tighter, patting your head and stroking it. He's warm. Especially if it's after work and he's wearing that black thick hoodie he always does- omigod it's so soft. Well, not the most expensive fabric ever, but his presence makes it comfortable. Plus a lil' kiss on the top of your head if that's your thing.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ If that's something you both fall into, he jumps at the opportunity; touch-starved as fuck.

Leaning arms crossed over the bar to hover next to you, lurking over you; hugging your waist while he's waiting to go post-close; holding your waist for a sec to brush past you in the kitchen. From what was meant to be a simple break and hug, one time they found you straight-up conked out laying in the drystore in eachothers arms.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ He always waits for you until you're ready to leave together. Which might mean Simon with his hands in his pockets, having to sneakily get probed for the nature of your relationship by gossip-ier coworkers. To which he shrugs and deflects something or other. It wasn't any of their business (nor was he sure). Boys will be boys, they guess.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ But yeah. In pitch black night, almost every night, he escorts you home if you let him. Holding hands if you want. Sometimes smoking a joint. A stupidly lengthy journey (for him) to your doorstep and back to his, whether you drive, do public transport or whatever. He disguised it as casual good companionship. He didn't want to be creepy, its just.. that flicker of reluctance in his eyes when you got to your destination gave you the impression he was purposefully putting off having to face his home.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ Days pass. Weeks become months. New people rotating in and out of the team. The days get longer, welcome spring breeze stilling to more humid heatwaves. But he's always there.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ One new thing about Simon: he was off sick for a few weeks, and now he's back. But he's almost always wearing a surgical mask? He didn't seem sick anymore, I mean..maybe a little more mellow, then snappy, not as into your banter as usual.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ So one night he's walking you back, sweating through that dumb mask- which he switched out to a black one he keeps using- you invite him in. Sleepover, or something?

He's surprised maybe, but after using the last of his energy for a subdued cautious sweep of the place, he's exhausted. He double-bounces backwards back on your bed, still adjusting his mask back up from the movement, looking up to find an adorable welcome menagerie of stuffed animals.

It almost makes him smile. First proper one in a while as he looks over to you and takes in the sight of your room, hand subconsciously stretching out to reach for your knee and rub circles. Oh, and to snatch that little bunny out of your pocket, hugging it to him instead with a smirk. Bonus points if he pisses you off.

With the blankets soft against his head and side, he got an idea. Unraveling them, gesturing you closer to properly wrap you in his arms and nuzzle down into the cozy bed situation. With bunny, him and the whole gang. Maybe you could go to sleep like this. But, come on, surely without the mask-?

He caught your wrist at even an indication of the thought of it, gently holding it back down against his chest. From your close proximity you could finally see the beginnings of a big healing scar at the the top of his cheek where the mask moved slightly in his vague refusal. Ah.

₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ There was a lot of unkind things in this world, but Simon was not. (Uh, to you at least.) You could only give his hand a reassuring squeeze in the hopes that life would lighten for you both. And if not? At least you'd always have each-others back.

B-B-B-BONUS ROUND:

Steals your glasses and looks stupid in them.

Performs elaborate yet half-hearted puppet shows with your stuffed toys.

Periodically asks what you're writing now, squinting over your shoulder. His tones dry but he needs to be updated of the drama, damn it.

Exchanges the most would-be-an-eyeroll sideye of solidarity over at you when he seems to get flirted with romantically. Or fems in general. They just don't seem to get the hint.

Subtly acts like a space-making service dog for you in crowded places or if it looks like someone's gonna touch you.

photo cred~ @yumethefrostypanda

[howlingday]

I know this is playing with fire but I like Bumbleby but I accept that people like Black Sun more. Im glad to let people ship what they want mostly (we don't people who ship characters with thier parnets seriously in the eyes) but sometimes when people talk about how Black Sun should have happen it sounds like they think Sun in entitled to Blake because of everything he did and it makes me uncomfortable. Is that weird? Am I being a toxic wasp?

HOW DARE Y- Nah, you're fine. But I can see where you're coming from when people say "Black Sun should have happened" and I can agree with what they mean. Although, I can also see the whole 'Sun being entitled to Blake' thing as a real thing happening and it being the wrong way to go about the situation.

The thing about Black Sun being canon was the simple fact that, for a time, that's where it looked like the series was going. Sun has been nothing but helpful to Blake since his introduction, she felt mutual feelings of interest in Sun during Volume 3, and they even got the whole "Dad doesn't like you but Mom does" trope in Volume 5 that kinda made the whole thing cute, not to mention all the things he does to help Blake in Volume 5.

Now, I'd say you would be a toxic wasp if you were skulking around to Black Sun posts, posting things like "BMBLB IS BETTER" or "THIS IS CRINGE BECAUSE IT'S NOT CANON" or things like that just to harass people into shipping what you yourself are shipping.

If you believe that Sun was entitled to Blake for some vapid and translucent reason, then yeah, I'd say you should be uncomfortable. However, I believe that Black Sun should have happened because that's what canon was telling me was happening. And while we're on the subject of canon, you know how the novels had Sun getting backlash for ditching his team? You know who didn't get ANY backlash for ditching her team? Not even from her partner, who was the most devastated by her absence? Blake. If we're throwing shade, don't forget to toss it on the literal shadow of RWBY. Mic drop, mid-air catch, reminder that you're free to think and do as you like so long as you aren't hurting anyone. Unplug mic, stow for later.

And don't forget to keep up the good work!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I vibe with hyperfixating w/ characters. To varying degrees I’ve fixated on: Armin from AOT for a while, 1D had a DEATH GRIP on me for a few years, (SEVEAL book characters through my teen years)I had an Alucard from castlevania fixation for maybe 3 ish years (‘ending’ only recently) and now Hobes lives in my head rent free ngl.

I get the “being sad cuz you can’t meet them” part, I’ve felt it. I try to not daydream TOO much cuz otherwise it takes over my life and I’m doing a considerable effort to live OUT of my own head, but BOI do I LOVE just daydreaming about my blorbos of choice.

I don’t speak too much about it (mostly the daydreaming) cuz to an extent it feels like a “me thing” (like something I don’t wanna share with anyone cuz it’s special to me), but if given the chance I DO info dump on my fixations.

I don’t think it’s cringe, not at all. These things are stuff that helps us process the world and our experiences with it. I believe everyone has sensitive weird shit that they don’t talk about, but if there’s something Ive learned is that we hardly ever have completely unique experiences. Most people just hide their oddness. Fandom being a prime example of how much our blorbos can mean to us. I think it’s okay and normal. (Until it goes overboard and people send idk violent messages to others because they headcanon something differently idk, the unreasonable stuff imo)

Can’t believe our of everything people would dare to make JOY and INTEREST the things with negative connotations. Being mean should be cringe, being a bully should be embarrassing. But unashamedly enjoying stuff?? That’s wonderful.

Anyone too embarrassed of their own vulnerability that they deal with it by making others feel bad about their interests are the most immature out if all of us.

Joy is everything that’s good with the world.

Even just seeing the letter 1D makes me wanna scream (in a good way!!) cause it takes me back to high school lol 1D was a bit older than me so my grade had Mindless Behaviour (does anyone remember them, where they even popular) but I remember the days where 1D was like the definition of summer songs

And I can totally understand the 'me thing'. Like I never really spoke about it but I felt like I knew my daydreams were more substantial or vivid than the 'average person' so to say.

Or when I spoke about characters to other people, I understood that neurotypicals likes characters, but they often didn't see them as fully formed 'persons' in the way I do - as to say, they didn't speculate or see emotional backstory, connections, or their behavior the way I did.

I never really shared any of my daydreams because like - I can't even get into it that's like asking someone to explain Star Wars to someone who doesn't even know space travel exists.

I grew up in a time on the internet where self-inserts and OC were seen as cringe, and someone would be very quick to call out 'Mary-Sue's (or flawless OCs) whenever they could.

It's not like that now - but in juxtaposition to canon x canon shipping, that bias is still there I feel like. Like it, as a work of fandom art has less 'value' that art or fics of canon only characters

It kinda bums me out still.

I think OC and daydreams and self-indulgent inserts are all the best part of fandom because it's the purest way of fans connecting with content on a personal level.

I'm happy that I see more people pushing back on that lately. Like after years of seeing people viciously hate furries when most of them seem like very nice, fun people, it's refreshing for people to be like 'nah, actually this thing is cool. and im gonna spend of time and/or money on this thing cause i makes me happy;

like you remember when the new Star Wars movie trailers came out and that dude reacted to it and he was moved to tears and people made fun of him??

yeah fuck everyone else that dude knows whats up.

Like yes, openly cry to your faves. Fantasize deep meaningful daydreams that help you process your feelings. Draw your OC with them, or learn every single thing their is to know about them.

That's why I wanted to talk about this. Because I've never heard it spoken about before. Maladaptive daydreaming, yes - and that can be harmful. But I hardly ever hear people talk about the basic mundane experience of it - or even how it can enrich our lives and help us emotionally develop of neurodivergent people.

When I think of it that way, it's something that makes me happy. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe it fully, and that's the point. Our stories are private to us, not because theyre embarrassing, but because they're so us that to even describe it would like describing a new world top to bottom

I love it. It's what makes humans humans.

[legallyacceptibleurl]

correction anon: doing this is bad for my physical health. which is why i’m on break until my immune system chills tf out. the only hit my mental health is taking is pure psychic damage from how annoying and embarrassing these people are. check my archive @disgustingechoes for the cringe compilation of a lifetime

another correction: this stopped being inconsequential internet drama when these shitheads started trying to convince people that gazans seeking help through gofundme are all scammers, and urging their large follower base to mass report them. this shit is having real tangible negative impact on real people’s real actual lives. the goal of this blog is to showcase the filth that these people say, so that anyone searching their url will be able to see what kind of people they are.

on that note, feel free to send my posts to anyone and/or add the screenshots to any post where these shitheads are spreading that shit about a fucking “scam ring”. we have to do what we can to counteract that shit, and my way of doing that is to undermine the integrity of some of the core people spreading it

last correction: i’m a farm boy how dare you insinuate im not digging my fingers into the dirt any opportunity i get. i picked some lovely apples today but you were rude to me so im not going to share them with you >:(

now donate to the world food programme 🫵

[mindhoney]

.

[oekaki-chan]

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

[olderthannetfic]

re: tone tags talk on here.

I have a rant thats been stewing awhile on the subject.

I would be really really careful using these for people and touting them as The Best Way to interact online and The Most Accessible for a few reasons:

People who are not in the know can become more confused, especially with the lesser-known or less obvious ones. It is forcing others to learn an entire new dialect, one they may not have the spoons or memory to use or understand properly. It can cause neurodivergent people MORE stress to have to use them.

Many neurodivergent people (such as myself) find them INCREDIBLY condescending when used on us for fairly obvious things (ex- I like your shirt! /gen looks like 'I think you are such a -insert slur- that you cant understand a statement where the default literal reading is fairly unambiguous, poor little baby cant handle it! Im such a disabled ally!'). This is less so with the original two tone tags /s and /j, but most tone tags have this problem.

Many neurodivergent people (also such as myself) find them to look suspicious like a bottle labeled 'THIS IS NOT POISON' being poured into our drink. It looks like a suspiciously specific denial and messes with paranoia. It also implies any time you say 'your shirt looks cool' without 5 tone tags proclaiming its base meaning of positive, genuine, and serious that when you usually make a statement like that it ISNT those things.

They are NOT screenreader friendly. At all.

People lie with them a lot, and some people have trauma regarding certain circles online using them to fuck with people. Literally just last week I found someone doing the /gen /srs thing with a question whos last post was to a cringe subreddit for the topic. They also view them as get out of jail free cards or ways to get people to farm 'cringe content'. Some of us arent going to trust that at all with VERY GOOD REASON and now the tag is useless.

Many tags have non-obvious meanings, /pos doesnt look like 'positive' it looks like 'piece of shit'.

ASL speakers are going to have a rough time learning tone tags because its more weird english slang no one explains.

Every time anyone criticizes tone tags (or even says so much as 'please dont use them for me its a trigger'), tone tag likers fly off the fucking handle(in my experience) and accuse you of being horrible and evil for not loving them to death, causing them to be associated with performative accommodations that dont do shit and people getting mad when you call them on it for some of us. Im not hyperactive in many spaces that use them and ive witnessed like 5 breakdowns in the past year alone of someone saying 'hey can you not use these for me please?' and the other person loosing it that the ungrateful disabled person wasnt bowing in awe over their wokeness for using them or whatever. Just complete all caps aggressive HOW DARE YOU and WHY CANT I DO ANYTHING RIGHT IM TRYING TO BE AN ALLY reassurement fishing and defensive 'I cant be ableist deliberately using tone tags on someone triggered by them, im doing the woke thing tiktok said so you are wrong' stuff.

What would be better to be done instead, in order of best to worse is;

Rephrase the statement/question to have the tone stated in there if the statement is not ruined by doing so. Unless you are working with a wordcount, this is accessible to the most amount of people because you dont need to learn a secret code and its fairly unambiguious and the least condescending and trap-like looking.

'Why do you have text describing images all over your blog? /gen' -> 'Genuine question, why do you have text describing images all over your blog?'

'Your artwork emotionally disembowels me /pos' -> 'Your artwork, and I mean this in the most positive of ways, emotionally disembowels me'

State the tone/meaning in FULL in parenthesis at the end. This makes it clearer what the tag is supposed to indicate to more people, it may still cause confusion however, trigger paranoia, or look condescending. Its more screenreader friendly, but less so than the above option. This works also for things that ruin the thing to interrupt the flow.

'Why do you have text describing images all over your blog? /gen' -> 'Why do you have text describing images all over your blog? (genuine question)'

'Because you are totally an anti /s', 'because you are totally an anti (sarcasm)'

Ask or look for indications that this person requires tonetags or uses them BEFORE using them and then respecting that choice. Has all the stated above issues, but at least consent for participating in this dialect was obtained. Checking if they need /pos, /srs, AND /gen tagged on on simple statement of 'your shirt looks cool' is very good.

Counterarguments:

'Im working on a short charactercount'

Not on every platform you arent! I concede this one on twitter, where you can barely fit a statement in there sometimes and you may not be able to threadtweet reasonably. But in spaces like tumblr where you have no charactercount? On discord where charactercount is so high and its a chatspace so you can just double message?

Also the 'ask before you use' or 'state in your hoverbio you use' is best practice.

Also also try emojis, which I didnt list previously but with some tones can make it more clear with only a few characters.

'It helps ME THE poster's anxiety/ADHD/etc to do this, I NEED to write like this, you are being ableist to stop me.'

Other options ALSO get the thing across for you! If rewording things to be clearest to everyone is way too hard for you, the FULL word in parenthesis is next best.

'I have a disability that makes typing hurt so I need to type as little as possible'

The third option is still available to you, but make sure to be clear that its not for the readers benefit you are doing this, but for you. This way people who need to avoid this can block you/not interact. Lean full chatspeak to help further (&, b4, 2, w/o, etc shortenings).

Also try emojis as above.

Competing access needs is a bitch, and that means we need to coexist, but (general)YOUR access need doesnt trump mine, so dont feel entitled to interacting with people who request no tone tag interaction. We just have to avoid each other.

For people who dont have the above problems just... PLEASE use plain text. Please. Its way more accessible to the most amount of people.

--

Yeah, for real.

[creepling]

hole o’ the toon / mark renton x fem!reader

a/n: as a scottish person i am legally obliged to write fanfic about scottish ppl in scots dialect. (note: im not from edinburgh so the dialect might be off a little). sorry if you can’t understand a word of this lmaoo i’m just experimenting

summary: begbie does something out of order to reader and rent boy’s there to (kinda) comfort n make a plan.

cw: written in scots dialect, usual trainspotting stuff, drug ment, swearing, injury, hurt/comfort, reader has not ‘chosen life’ so to say, begbie’s an arsehole.

— How dare ye fucken waltz in here. Begbie hid said, starein fucken daggers it ye.

Naw yer right tae be in their turf, efter awh the shite ye dae. But whit kin ye dae? Free country n awh att. Didnae seem free whin Begbie wis anywhere in ae perimeter. Ye make yer way tae the bog, fixin yer eyes on anything thit wisnt att cunts face.

When ye come oot he’s right er, snooker pole in haun, in a stance thit made it oot as if he wis aboot tae whack it o’er yer heed. ‘Ah’ll nivir lay a haun oan a wummun�� he wance said, load a shite. Ye seen the skelpers oan his misses. Ye ken he’d dae it tae yersel if he wanted.

— Skaggin’ in er a bet. Fucken skaggin’ skank! Begbie sneered. Poison in his spit as it volleyed oot his mooth n ontae yer face.

Ye staggered back, face scrunched up in cringe. A heavy huff a air left yer nostrils n ye glared at ‘um. — Fucken Prick!

Ye lunged at ae cunt, grabbin at ae snooker pole n geid him a Glesga kiss; like yer auld man taught ye. Then a knee tae ae baws, ae moustache cunt yelled. He stepped back, clutching his crotch, his free haun gaun fur his glass boatle. Ye shimmied yer fingers, gesturing ‘Mon en’. Bein aff the skag n oan the uppers meant ye thought ye wur baw-jaws half ae time. Naw even Begbie frightened ye anymore. Ye’d been frew too much noo. N nae cunt kenned aboot it.

Ae reality wis, Begbie coulda killt ye right er if awh the lads nivir hawded um back. Rents, Sick Boy, even Spud wae his gammy arms. Lads at the bar starin, dumbfoonded.

— Entertainin, like? Ye fancy watchin a man threatin a wummun? Sae much fur fuckin hard men, like. Yer words wur steamin oot ye.

— You’re wanten a death wish, ats wit! Sick Boy shouted. He hid the fucken cheek tae talk. Awh ye could dae wiz laugh it ae pansy.

— If a see yer whorin’ face anywhur again, yer deid hen, YER DEID. Begbie tried going fur ye again, slidin oot the guy’s airms. Ae intensity of ae situation goat a haud ah ye and ye bolted oot the door, flashing a finger tae the hot-heided cunt before disappearing intae an alley.

*

— Your off yer head. Mark Renton hid said. N ae cunt wis right.

Ye sat in his manky bed as ae bandaged ye up. A slit near ae eye n a kisser ae a bruise aroon yer eye. Begbie caught ye red-handed. Leathered intae yer heed when ye least expected it. He hid em golden rings oan which split yer cheek open. Fuckin cunt, ye tried naw tae cry. It hurt a belter. Ye wish Rents wis lighter wae his hauns. He wis treatin yer wound like a heavy-handed mechanic. Ye winced as he scraped ae bloody cloth o’er yer gash and he silently apologized.

— Sicka iss toon. Ye hid said, staring aff intae space. — Am gonnae run away.

Renton jist stared it ye, trying tae make oot yer coopin. Wur ye serious?

— Ur ye gonnae dae it or just talkin shite? Renton challenged. Ye turned tae um.

— Mon wae meh. Ye wondered if ye meant it. Rents wis a pal, but ye nivir admitted it. Canny be saying shite like att when yer a junkie. Nae cunts ya pal. But Renton is. Rents’s ya pal.

— Wull go tae yer flat in London. Ur fuckitt, git a new wan. Nae danger. Ye began tae ramble. Withoot ye knowin, Renton thought aboot goin aff a loat. Thought aboot gettin tae fuck ootta Leith, the shitehole it wis.

— Ats it then. Me n you. We’ll go away together. Renton said, putting ae last bandage oan yer scar.

— Ye serious, like? Ye wur astonished he agreed. You n him, goin away. Ye thought yeez hid too much history fur him tae be wae ye anymer. Mibbe he still hid feelings fur ye. Ye hoped, fuck ye hoped.

Ye embraced him intae yer arms, mindin ae cut oan yer cheek as ye burried yer face intae his neck. He smelled like shite. Like shite, pish n cough medicine awh in ae wanner. Ye couldnae gee a fuck tho.

— We’ll jist need tae get money somewhere, then we’ll head aff. Renton said, feeling him get awh tense. Ye jist smiled n nodded. There wiz money in mind, like. Mibbe ye kin stash some tapes n sell em like usual. While ye thought of yer petty thefts, Renton seen ae biggur picture n minded the drug deal wae the Russian skag, n if he wiz willing tae drag ye intae the deal.