#damn you house md producers | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fiveisnumber1 · 4 years ago

Text

Family Support | Five x Reader

Summary: When Five doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings for you he asks his family for some help and things don’t go exactly as planned.

A/N: Five and you are both going to be like 19 in this and everyone else is their normal age. Also AU-ish in which they managed to save the world in 2019.

Word Count: 1,535

Warnings: none

_____________

The Hargreeves children were a lot of things. Powerful, combative, traumatized to say the least. All of them however were not good at one thing: expressing feelings. All of them were bad at expressing feelings in different ways. Klaus was too open, Vanya barely expressed them at all, Diego was too strong with his and Luther and Allison well they were confusing. And then there was Five. Unlike the others Five had trouble understanding his feelings, let alone expressing them. For some time he was fine with his situation but then you came into the picture.

Five remembers when he first met you. It was during one of his trips to Griddy’s Donuts. You were working there as a server to help pay your way through college. As usual he sat down at the counter with his head in a book and ordered one black coffee from Agnes. She lightly placed the cup in front of him and he picked in up to drink. When he took a sip though it was as if fireworks went off. This was the best damn cup of coffee that he had in years. Calling Agnes over he questioned who made it and when she pointed to you it was as if the world faded away. From then on he would go to Griddy’s anytime you were working. The coffee you made was great but seeing you was better. It took him a few weeks but he finally worked up the courage to talk to you. From that point on the two of you quickly became very close. Your kind and happy demeanor was refreshing and somehow meshed with his tough and sarcastic one.

And that’s where his issue was. Even though he enjoyed being around you it made him so flustered. He had no clue what was going on with himself recently. Every time he was with you his heart started racing, his palms became sweaty, he felt warm all over, sometimes he felt like he couldn’t breath. He wondered if he was sick or maybe even dying. Trying to grasp what was going on he turned to his family for help. He called them all over to the house only telling them that it was an emergency.

When his siblings arrived they all sat in the living room staring at him.

“Well what’s the emergency? The world ending again?” Luther questioned impatiently

“I think i’m dying” Five responded

“Oh shit.” Diego says

“Oh no. Five, what is it? What’s going on?” Vanya questions sincerely

“Well I don’t know for sure that I’m dying but I think I am based on my symptoms.” Five responded

“Which are?” Allison asks

“Heart palpitations, excessive sweating, possibly fever, trouble breathing, lack of concentration.” Five answers “And they always happen when I’m around (Y/N).”

Klaus starts to laugh.

“What’s so funny about my imminent death Klaus? Keep laughing and I’ll make sure you pass first!” Five shouts at his sibling

“Now I might not be a MD but I am a doctor.” Klaus replies

Everyone looks at Klaus for explanation.

“I’m a love doctor and you my dear Five have caught the lovebug.” Klaus says turning his attention to Five

“What? Love? No it can’t be. I mean I just like spending all my time around her and talking to her but I mean I wouldn’t say that’s love is it? Oh shit am I in love with her?” Five starts to rant to himself “I- I don’t feel well. I feel all warm and my heart is racing again. I’m going to lay down.”

His siblings all give each other knowing looks. Five is absolutely, deeply, madly in love with you even if he couldn’t see it himself, but they had a plan to help push him in the right direction. Without his knowledge they decided to set up a blind date for the two of you. Luther, Diego and Klaus were tasked with writing the note to get you to come over and Allison and Vanya were to plan the date. The three boys put their heads together to write the invitation, each writing on section of it and then had Diego deliver it to you at work on your break. Going into the back room you read it. It said,

Dear (Y/N),

You are a girl and that is pretty cool. I think you do a great job at your job.

In my opinion you’re absolutely kickass. I wish I could be as cool as you are. Talking with you is like lighting a library on fire.

Your eyes draw me in like a nice glass of aged whiskey. I feel like i’m teetering on the verge between life and death when I am with you. You’re a radiant sight to see and are prettier than the kaleidoscope colors of a good LSD trip.

So I’ve heard at least! I don’t do drugs!

But I’m not lame as hell either. I’m really cool and tough and brooding. I’m a man of mystery.

But like my dad’s liquor cabinet I’m easy to unlock and there is so much good stuff inside of me.

But I only drink in moderation with adult supervision! Anyway you’re really awesome, and I think it would be cool if you could come over to hang out, with me later today, after your work shift is over because it would be odd to hang out at my place if you’re still at work because you’d still have to work.

My address is on the back. Come by later.

Sincerely,

Five, the handsomest ball of sarcasm ever

You laughed to yourself, you knew this wasn’t produced by the Five you knew and very much loved. Nevertheless went back to work and decided on stopping by his place later. Back at the house though the ladies were trying to put together a nice time for the two of you. They decided on...well they couldn’t decide. Allison wanted a movie night and Vanya wanted a relaxing dinner with music. Granted, they were biased in their ideas because they wanted to show off to you. Allison wanted to show you her movies and Vanya wanted to play her music for you. Luther supported Allison’s idea and Klaus supported Vanya’s and by the time Diego got back the living room was a mess of pillows, string lights and miscellaneous foods laying about. The siblings started to argue amongst themselves about how each of their ideas was better. Startled by the sound of commotion downstairs Five went to check it out. He stumbled upon the 5 siblings all arguing.

“Luther your parts of the invite were so bland!” Diego yells

“Well I had to compensate for all the crazy stuff Klaus wrote!” Luther retorts

“Crazy? You mean crazy romantic!” Klaus adds

“No! Crazy! Just like this clusterfuck of a venue! What did you two do while I was gone?” Diego asks his sisters

“Movie night is more romantic!” Allison replied

“Not when the movies you’re watching are of you! What are you some kind of narcissist?” Vanya yells

“Oh that’s rich coming from you Vanya. You only wanted the dinner so you could show off your violin playing!” Luther replies

“And you only went with Allison’s idea because you love her!” Klaus chimes in while taking a drink from the liquor cabinet

Five had seen enough. Fed up with his siblings arguing he yelled,

“What are you pathetic excuses for human beings arguing about this time?”

All of the siblings stop their arguing and turn their attention to Five. They all look away in embarrassment at the situation.

“Well?!” Five presses

Klaus steps forward first and says,

“Well we just thought that...”

“Since you were having trouble telling this, (Y/N) how you feel about her...” Luther continues

“We thought that it would be nice to invite her over...” Allison adds

“And set up a surprise date...” Diego continues

“For the two of you.” Vanya finishes

“YOU WHAT!” Five yells “I can’t believe that you’ve done this! I really like (Y/N) and I mean REALLY like her. She’s going to think I’m a psychopath and want nothing to do with me if she sees all this. I get it you want me to admit to myself and her that I have feelings for her, but this? This is a mess! She’ll never want to be with me like that if she sees all of this!”

Five looks at his siblings who all have wide eyes.

“What? What are you sad sacks looking at?”

“Probably me,” You say making your presence known to Five

“(Y/N), I- I can explain.” Five stutters out as he turns around to face you

“No need. I do think some of your claims are false though,” You reply

“Huh?” Five questions

“I think I’d still like to be with you even with all this mess. I really like you too.” You say placing a gentle hand on his cheek

“Well if that’s the case then would you’d like to get some coffee with me?” Five asks

"I’d love to.” You answer

Five extends his hand out towards you and you grab it. With your fingers intertwining the two of you happily walk out the door together. As five is closing the door to his home you whisper to him,

“Your family is weird.”

“They are but they’re the best.” He says

293 notes · View notes

thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 5 years ago

Note

Can we have the tea on why firefly getting cancelled was a good call tho?

My confidence on this website grows in direct proportion to my follower count, and thus the opinions I post get steadily more controversial. I actually got a mostly-positive response to my pro-Twilight post, so [glances around nervously] [dons fake beard] here it is:

IMHO, the producers were right to meddle in Firefly after its pilot, and they were right to cancel it after 12 episodes.

I enjoy Firefly. I’ve rewatched “Safe” and “Out of Gas” over a dozen times, I had a Serenity poster on my wall in college, and I’ve got Mal’s quote about statues as an epigraph in my current NaNoWriMo project. However.

First: they were right to kill the pilot. (And I don’t mean Wash.)

The biggest problem with the first first episode, in a nutshell, is Mal. He’s a potentially intriguing character, but he’s not likable, he’s not competent, and he’s not entertaining. No antihero has to be all three, but every antihero has to be at least one, right off the bat. A couple examples of antiheroes that got whole shows:

Dexter Morgan (Dexter) is a literal serial killer, so definitely not likable, but the pilot showcases that he’s terrifyingly competent with cellophane and also has an entertaining interior monologue.

Greg House (House MD) is questionably competent, and not that likable, but he’s highly entertaining because he immediately makes us laugh.

Jed Bartlett (West Wing) is largely incompetent at social matters, and he’s not funny at first, but he’s immediately charismatic and likable.

Frank Castle (Punisher) isn’t classically entertaining, and he’s not likable, but he’s shown as highly competent from minute one.

Malcolm Reynolds isn’t funny at first. He responds to insults by punching Simon in the face or throwing Jayne out of the room, barely tolerates Zoe’s fond teasing, and doesn’t joke around much. Malcolm Reynolds isn’t likable at first. He acts openly contemptuous toward Book’s and Inara’s chosen professions, seriously considers killing Simon for trying to protect River, loots corpses, and ignores Kaylee. Malcolm Reynolds isn’t competent at first. He fails twice to find a fence for the protein blocks, fails to detect either Simon’s or Dobson’s lies, gets himself and his first mate shot in a bad deal, and barely escapes with his life. He tells Simon that any day where he manages to keep his ship in the air counts as a success.

I don’t want to watch an entire show about this guy after seeing just the pilot, and I sympathize with anyone who feels the same way. The only moment in 120 minutes of screentime that intrigues me is the smash cut between Mal announcing to Simon that Kaylee died and Mal roaring with laughter with the rest of his crew over a prank well-pulled. It’s competent, funny, likable, and enough to make me want to tolerate this guy long enough to see what he’s going to do next. I don’t blame the producers for demanding that we see Simon-pranking guy more, Simon-punching guy less.

The other tone or setting inconsistencies in the pilot — the characters riding horses when they’ve got a faster-than-light ship, the dirt and platinum constructions, the Chinese vendors offering street meat made out of dog, the heroic depiction of the vainglorious Confederate Browncoat cause, the crew all being fluent in Mandarin but not having a single Asian character in the whole cast* — make it hard to get a sense of what the show is meant to be. The different elements just don’t make sense together.

Contrast that with “The Train Job,” the second first episode. There are undeniably Western and sci-fi elements, but they actually make sense together: instead of characters inexplicably swapping land speeders for horses, there’s a spaceship swooping low over a bullet train. Crow uses frontier weaponry, but it’s an intimidation tactic, and he does own a blaster. The Asian-influenced elements make a lot more sense, appearing mostly as background details that hint at a melding of cultures. Mal is warm and affectionate with his crew, willing to joke around to entertain the audience, and at least 43% less misogynistic toward Inara. Niska plays an important role in plot and character, setting up the possibility that we haven’t heard the last of this plot and also acting as a foil to the Serenity crew, who might kill the occasional unarmed prisoner but at least do their best not to poison entire towns.

Is “The Train Job” as unique an episode as “Serenity”? Nope. Does it do a better job at getting someone who’s never heard of this show before to want to tune in next week? I think so.

And then the cancellation.

Obviously, we’ll never know if people would’ve kept on turning in, because the series got less than a single season. And I think that was the right call, from the producers’ point of view. Firefly as a show might not have had the budgetary demands that, say, Game of Thrones did, but even an amateur like me can take one look at that series and go “damn, that looks expensive.”

There are NINE (9!) main characters, with series-regular salaries.

CGI was a lot more expensive and time-consuming in 2002, and literally every episode includes some exterior footage of the ship.

Every single episode involves the characters, or at least the cameras, leaving the ship and going to different phantasmagorical settings.

Even “Out of Gas” and “Objects in Space” had to take the time and money to build the junkyard and Jubal Early’s ship, respectively.

“Trash,” “Serenity,” “Jaynestown,” “The Message,” and “Heart of Gold” each introduces (and requires a build for) an entirely new fake planet.

Every single episode involves minor characters, and over half of them involve crowd scenes that require hundreds of extras.

Horses. And cows. Cost money. As Wash says, shoulda gone with the counterfeit beagles.

The Serenity set itself was built to scale. That’d save money in the long term, but in the short term required more camerawork to actually film in partially-enclosed locations. When you add in the fact that the on-planet shots always required dollies, cranes, and similar equipment, it adds up.

On a similar note, “the Firefly shot” (as it became known) requires days of planning followed by hours of shooting to include all of the characters in one single extremely long camera pan (almost five minutes long, the second time it happens). As a stylistic choice, it was a pricey one.

If Firefly had been spectacularly successful right from the start, it might have been able to justify its enormous budget. The fact that it was modestly successful didn’t justify the amount of money it was sucking from other projects. Over 90% of shows that make it as far as network deals never even get a pilot; over 90% of shows that go so far as shooting a pilot never make it past that first episode. The network decided to spread the love (and the budget) around, rather than sinking it all into a single project currently taking the place of maybe a dozen other potential shows.

Not only that, but Firefly didn’t have a ton of options for cutting its budget down. It could use fewer camera tricks, but that wouldn’t change the need for CGI just to convey the basic premise of the show. It could cut a character or two, but the cast would still be unusually large. It could have fewer on-planet scenes, but there’s only so much one can do with the characters if they’re cooped up inside their ship the whole time. Firefly was also leeching resources away from that team’s two other enormously successful projects – Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel — and the low ratings of Buffy’s season 6 and Angel’s late season 3 into season 4 reflect that fact. If it’d been allowed to continue, Firefly ran the risk of killing both those golden geese without ever getting to the point of producing eggs itself.

Do I wish there was more of the show out there? Yes. Do I wish the show had had time to evolve, hopefully into something with fewer problems of casual racism? Hell yes. Would I have pulled the plug as well, if I’d been in the room when it happened? Probably yes.

*I am aware of the theory that, given the heavily Asian-influenced settings in the “Safe” flashbacks, the popularity of “Tam” as a Chinese last name, the choice of dark-haired light-skinned actors, and specific elements of the family’s pressure to excel but conform, that the Tams are meant to be Chinese. Given that all four actors are white, and that there are already ample problems with anti-Chinese racism in this show, I strongly prefer not to ascribe to that theory.

#firefly #serenity #nothing to do with animorphs #firefly negativity #serenity negativity #joss whedon #whedon negativity #long post #anonymous #asks

98 notes · View notes

bountyofbeads · 5 years ago

Text

Here's the thing.

Bill Taylor was a *witness* to *something* that made him raise alarms in his texts about a direct quid pro quo involving military aid in exchange for helping Trump rig the election.

We need to know what that is.

It's time Dems try to bring in Ambassador Bill Taylor.

Taylor *twice* texts about a direct quid pro quo between military aid and Ukraine helping Trump rig our election.

There's a *reason* Taylor thought there was a quid pro quo.

Let's hear from him:

Another key angle on the texts, in this piece:

"The texts show that State Department officials, taking direction from the White House, explicitly conditioned a meeting with Trump — which Zelensky badly wanted — on Ukraine helping to rig the next US election on Trump’s behalf."

The Plum Line Opinion

Three awful revelations about Trump in those explosive texts

By Greg Sargent | Published October 4, 2019 10:28 AM ET | Washington Post | Posted October 4, 2019 12:21 PM ET |

House Democrats have released a batch of texts among State Department officials that tell a big story: President Trump has been leveraging the power of his office to coerce a foreign power into helping him rig the next U.S. election on his own behalf, not just in this or that crazy outburst or tweet, but rather as part of an extensive, long-running plot.

However, there’s even more to this story: The texts clearly contain a trail of clues that, if followed, may lead to a much more direct quid pro quo involving hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer money, dangled as a prize to Ukraine in exchange for joining in his effort to corrupt our elections to his own benefit.

Pursuant to that end, Democrats can, and should, solicit the testimony of William B. “Bill” Taylor, the U.S. chargé d’affaires in Ukraine. That’s because Taylor alludes twice to a direct quid pro quo, in which hundreds of millions in military aid to Ukraine are directly conditioned on carrying out Trump’s political bidding.

Let’s first state that you don’t need a direct quid pro quo for Trump’s corrupt conduct to be impeachable. We already know from the rough White House transcript of Trump’s call that he pressured Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky to “investigate” potential political opponent Joe Biden, based on an entirely fabricated narrative, and to substantiate a fringe conspiracy theory undercutting the fact of Russian interference in our election on his behalf.

What we now know, thanks to the full batch of texts, is much worse. Here are three key revelations:

First, the texts show that State Department officials, taking direction from the White House, explicitly conditioned a meeting with Trump — which Zelensky badly wanted — on Ukraine helping to rig the next U.S. election on Trump’s behalf, by carrying out the investigations Trump wanted.

Just before the July 25 call between Trump and Zelensky, former special U.S. envoy to Ukraine Kurt Volker texted a Zelensky aide to say that he had “heard from White House” that “assuming” Zelensky were to persuade Trump that he will do the investigations, “we will nail down date for visit to Washington.”

Subsequent to this, on the July 25 call, Trump directly pressed Zelensky to investigate Biden. This text shows that Volker understood directly from the White House that this was the condition that must be met by Zelensky in order to secure that meeting.

Second, and importantly, the texts also show that Ukraine understood that the fate of its country’s relations with the United States rested on whether it carried out Trump’s political marching orders to interfere in a U.S. election and investigate Trump’s political opponent.

During Ukraine’s efforts to get that meeting with Trump, a top aide to Zelensky texted Volker on Aug. 10 that “once we have a date” for the meeting, Ukraine will outline a “vision for the reboot” of the U.S.-Ukraine relationship, “including among other things Burisma and election meddling in investigations.”

That’s striking. It shows that Zelensky’s aide believed that Ukraine’s relations with the United States — something that obviously has great significance for that country — turned on doing the “investigations” Trump wanted, both to smear a political opponent and to discredit our own intelligence services’ conclusion about the Russian attack on our political system.

Third, the texts set up a clear line for further inquiry that will likely produce even more damning revelations. They strongly suggest that Trump made hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid to Ukraine directly contingent on that country doing his political bidding.

On Sept. 1, as Ukraine was still trying to get that meeting with Trump, there was this exchange between Taylor and Gordon Sondland, the U.S. ambassador to the European Union:

Taylor: Are we now saying that security assistance and WH meeting are conditioned on investigations?

Sondland: Call me

Note that Taylor says the security assistance is also conditioned on doing Trump’s bidding. And then, on Sept. 9, Taylor again raises this concern, texting Sondland that he worried that holding up the security assistance was sending a terrible “message” about the steadfastness of U.S. support to Ukraine, and, crucially, to Russia as well. After this, Taylor texted:

As I said on the phone, I think it’s crazy to withhold security assistance for help with a political campaign.

Sondland flatly rejected this categorization, saying there was no quid pro quo on Trump’s part, then signed off.

But the key here is that Taylor had a reason for saying these things. Something he witnessed, heard, or knows made him think there was such a quid pro quo.

“Taylor articulates his overwhelming sense that there is a shakedown and a quid pro quo in the making,” Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md.), a member of the House Oversight Committee, told me. “And he clearly protests to try to stop the sellout of U.S. foreign policy.”

Raskin added that Taylor was basically a direct witness to “the president’s attempt to turn U.S. foreign policy into an instrument of his reelection campaign.”

This would seem to suggest that Democrats can learn a lot more from Tayor, if they can question him directly. “I hope that Congress and the American people get a further chance to hear from Mr. Taylor,” Raskin said.

Again, you don’t need the quid pro quo for all this to be impeachable. But these texts are clearly a signal that there is still a lot more to learn — and that it could be still worse than we know.

“The president’s telephone conversation on July 25 was the culmination of a whole process by which Trump and [Rudy] Giuliani tried to coerce the Ukrainian government to do their political bidding," Raskin told me. “We’ve got the shakedown in plain view. But all of the telltale signs of a quid pro quo are all over this operation."

And to think that the impeachment inquiry is only just beginning.

1 note · View note

sirkkasnow · 5 years ago

Text

09 Catch Your Breath When You Can

Ao3 link

07/17/13 Wednesday evening

Stan was shoulder deep in the Fairlane’s engine compartment when the kids finally made it home late that afternoon. Dipper waved and headed straight inside; Mabel came over to lean casually against the front fender. “So?”

“There’s a meatloaf in the fridge for dinner an’ we’ve got potatoes, and I guess the fixins for salad if you’re into that kinda thing.”

Mabel pressed both hands over her eyes and groaned in protest. “Nooooooo. I mean did you call her? Did you get to do your something nice whatever it was? You’ve gotta be almost done with the car!”

“Yep, almost done.” Stan straightened up with a sigh and latched the hood. “Gonna fire it up in the morning, see where we’re at. Probably a day, day an’ a half to finish up, then she’s free t’go.”

“You’re not just gonna let her walk out of here, right?” She was peeping out at him between fingers now, looking horrified. “I know you’d both regret it.”

Stan pinched his lips against a smile - his poker face was cracking. “Well, I maybe mighta lined up a flick after dinner. So if you could help keep the nerd brigade occupied that’d be great.”

Mabel produced a whistle-shrill hypersonic squeal of delight and flung herself at him for a hug. “I knew you could do it! Consider the nerd brigade well and truly distracted! You report to me on everything, got it?”

“Mabel, c’mon, it’s just a movie.” He was grinning anyway as he swiped down his hands.

The five of them gathered for what proved to be a noisy meal. One tiny nudge from Mabel was enough to derail the conversation into DD&MD worldbuilding. “Clary’s about to leave,” she said firmly, “she hasn’t gotten to play one game and we need to fix that.” Within fifteen minutes the rulebooks were scattered across the crowded kitchen table and both Ford and Dipper were talking scenarios and taking notes.

Clary had spent most of the afternoon napping. She looked crisp and refreshed, a froth of peony pink silk knotted off-center at her throat, tossing an occasional suggestion into the chaos. Mabel vanished for a minute or two as the plates were cleared. When she returned it was with arms full of scrapbooking supplies and an unsubtle jerk of the chin towards the living room.

Stan took the hint and slipped out unnoticed, setting up a dinette chair next to the recliner. He tracked down a couple of pillows and a light blanket to make the whole thing a little more comfortable. Clary showed up a few minutes later, hands in pockets, still smiling to herself. “I’ve been banished,” she murmured over the background conversation from the kitchen. “So they can surprise me in the morning.”

“Damn shame, too bad, movies are under the TV.” He punched the pillows in a mostly-futile effort to fluff them up as she knelt to sort through the cabinet. He’d tracked down the remote and gotten comfortable in the recliner by the time she waved a worn black-and-white cardboard sleeve at him: Captain Of Her Heart.

“Old-school okay?”

“Um. It’s mushy.”

“I can handle mushy.”

“It’s sad.”

“I can handle sad and I’m not in the mood for nature documentaries.” Clary slotted in the tape, fiddled with the channels until trailers for twenty-year-old New Releases! began to play, and collected a box of tissues before settling into her seat.

“You a crier?” Stan nudged her tissues with a knuckle and she gave him a dirty look.

“Insurance. Settle down.” Clary stacked pillows against the recliner’s back corner, propped her elbow on the arm near his and made herself at home. He’d seen this one a million times, an obscure classic in his opinion with some really good on-location seaside shooting for its era. Familiarity never seemed to make this one hit any less hard.

He found that it was hitting maybe a little harder than usual. The bookish harbormaster’s daughter and the rough-edged first mate she’d spent the last hour falling improbably in love with walked the shoreline under a spotlight moon, switching to closeup against a painted backdrop for their wrenching scene of farewell.

Stan stole a couple tissues while she wasn’t looking. Clary already had one clutched to her lips, tears welling up at the corners of her eyes in resolute silence. Maybe she was a bit of a crier after all, though she held it together pretty well through the last ten minutes or so.

Once the ship had departed and the harbormaster’s daughter had slipped down to the docks in the night, dressed in a man’s traveling clothes and bound for parts unknown, Clary blew her nose in an undignified honk. He would have teased her if he weren’t busy trying to do the same without her hearing him. At last she settled close to watch the brief credits. When the tape ran out and the screen went to static he grumbled and jabbed at the remote until the TV snapped off.

They rested together in the near-dark. Stan listened as the rhythm of her breathing steadied. “Good flick,” she murmured at length, in no apparent hurry to move.

“One of my favorites,” he admitted, equally quiet. “I did warn ya. If, ah, if it’d help, there’s a sequel...or I could maybe get Soos to write some kinda fix-it, he’s good at that fanfiction stuff….” He felt rather than saw the subtle shake of her head. “What, no?”

“It’d be cheating.”

“C’mon, now, there’s nothin’ wrong with chasin’ a happy ending - “

“They’re hard to catch.” He heard her swallow thickly and felt her shift to turn a little more into him. “Why the heck don’t you have a couch? I don’t want to move yet but this is uncomfortable as hell.” Stan considered bolting to leave her some privacy, then held his breath and wriggled his arm free to lay it lightly around her.

“This a little better?”

Clary drew up her legs and nestled into his side without hesitation. “Much.”

“So - we don’t have a couch because we didn’t need one until everyone was leavin’ at the end of last summer, anyway - “ He was cursing the lack of a couch right now, because the arm of the damned recliner was wedged between them and this would be a very nice post-movie snuggle without it. “I’m not sure Ford an’ I ever really thought we’d be back for more’n a quick visit. Soos hasn’t had time to update the place much.”

“You said you’d been running the Shack for thirty years. Alone?”

Stan hissed softly, dragging his free hand through his hair. “Yep,” he said just before the pause went beyond recovery. “More or less. Kids first visited last summer an’ that changed a whole lot.”

“From what I’ve gathered in town last summer was pretty lively.” He felt her smile against him. “Funny, no one really wants to talk about it.”

“It was, uh.” He groped for the right word and finally said, frustrated, “Weird.” Clary laughed softly. “Listen. I am not the one who should be givin’ pep talks, you get that? But I can promise that sometimes y’catch the happy ending.”

The house had gone quiet around them, the kids retreated to bed, Ford probably downstairs. Stan flinched in surprise as her cool hand covered his at her shoulder. “I’ll take your word for it,” Clary murmured. “And thanks. For today. Not everyone handles - “ She tugged at her silk scarf with a fingertip.

“We both got history, kid, I got no right t’pry.”

“I’ve been preemptively dumped over this, you know.”

“Hah! Just as well. You don’t strike me as the type t’date idiots.”

“No. I’m not.”

A minute or two drifted by like that, comfortable, the warmth of contact something he hadn’t slowed down to enjoy in an eternity. Stan had about found the perfect angle to pillow his cheek against her hair when she stirred. He rumbled in protest before he could stop himself, arm tightening for a second then relaxing as she sat up straight.

The wan wash of light from the hallway gilded the slope of her cheek; her shadowed eyes held a determined glint. “I’m in too good a mood to talk about ancient history, but I’d like to trade stories with you sometime.”

“Sure, but I don’t know when - “ She tilted her head in reproach and any further protest stalled in his throat.

“Stan. You made the fatal mistake of giving me your phone number.” Stan cracked a crooked grin and she went on, low-voiced and all velvet persuasion. “Let me know when you hit a port I can get to. Anywhere in the north Atlantic’s fine. If you end up someplace warm, like say Gibraltar or the Azores, so much the better. Drinks are on me.”

He almost barked out a laugh, a startled little huff like she’d just sucker-punched him. “You askin’ me out? Your treat?”

“Yes.” The practiced look of light amusement on her face faded by degrees into something more apprehensive. “If you’d like. I’d hate to never see you again.”

His brain locked up hard, spinning off into logistics and complications and the overwhelming desire to not fuck up the good thing he had going. Mercifully his mouth got out ahead, as usual. “Yeah. Definitely. I’d - really, really like that.”

She lit up in a split second of unguarded happiness for maybe the first time since they’d met. Clary leaned in too quickly to intercept, her lips grazing the stubble of his cheek as a fleeting whiff of her faded peony perfume curled into his nose. “Great. So would I.”

Stan’s hands twitched once with the sudden impulse to snag her by the waist and drag her into his lap before common sense shut that down. She couldn’t quite look him straight on as she withdrew and this time he laughed in earnest. “Oh, c’mon, counselor, y’can’t make a pitch like that an’ then go all shy on me.”

“Sure I can.” Clary’s fingers tightened in his, then slipped away as she rose. “I’d better go to bed before I say anything else incriminating. See you in the morning.”

“What, alone?”

“Stan.”

“It’s gonna be chilly, want me to drop off a couple extra blankets - “

“Stanley.”

“I got a sideline in personal furnace services - “

“Oh my god. Don’t make me regret saying anything.” The chuckle she was trying so hard to suppress laid a husky note under the words as she headed for the hallway.

“G’night, sweetpea.”

She slipped through the door with a last backward glance. He sat back to think it over, eyes closed, horrified and delighted all at once.

Mostly delighted, he decided, pressing fingers to his cheek where she’d kissed him.

tumblr: [00][01][02][03][04][05][06][07][08][09][10][11][12]

Ao3: [00][01][02][03][04][05][06][07][08][09][10][11][12]

“I’d hate to never see you again.” She looks anxious, jittery with anticipation and a little sad all at once.

Definitely.

Maybe.

I just can’t.

#Gravity Falls #gfdatingsim #DDtMMW #Swooning Over Stans #Stanley Pines #OClicious #fanfic

1 note · View note

momentsinsong · 5 years ago

Photo

Moments In Song No. 021 - Tromac Pineapple

“Moments In Song” asks people one simple question, “What are you listening to?” For every installment we ask someone to make a playlist of 10 songs they’re listening to, whether it be something new they stumbled upon, or a song they’ve always loved, and explain the story behind their choices. We aim to show that no matter where we come from, what we do, or what we look like, music has the ability to bring us together.

DMV producer/rapper/DJ Tromac Pineapple reaches every corner of Hip-Hop and brings it together in his playlist. We talk to him about digging through Bandcamp for music, what makes a good DJ, and his new project the Velour Vandal EP.

Listen to Tromac’s playlist on Apple Music and Spotify.

Words and photos by Julian.

_________________________________________________________

Julian: First thing I wanted to ask you is what the thought process was behind making your playlist? People always say it’s hard picking 10 songs to squeeze into it.

Tromac: Well I wanted to spread across my taste as wide as possible. I actually had a hard time once I got to like 7 songs because I was like, “Damn, I can only put in three more of those joints, but I know 5 that I could pick.” I pretty much just wanted to touch on the different types of music I like. I still didn’t even get across all of it.

I noticed that a majority of the playlist was Hip-Hop, but different types of Hip-Hop. You have some boom bap stuff with “Free (Type Shit),” Dilla, and Anderson. Then you have more turn up stuff like WiFIGawd and Ghostie. That Ghostie song caught me off guard. It has a little house feel to it that I wasn’t expecting.

Yeah see I had to add that, because Ghostie is one of the most versatile artists I know. As versatile as this playlist is, he’s six times as versatile as that. As a fellow producer in this area, I have a whole lot of respect for him. And that’s my mans, so I’ll be listening to it anyway. Shit be cranking, no matter what genre he tackles. And then I also have the “Free (Type Shit)” joint because it’s just so smooth and it hits. The beats, the boom bap. That’s one of my favorite things in Hip-Hop. It’s just so powerful. That’s also why I got the J Dilla joint on there. That’s like my favorite Dilla beat of all time. Straight slap, the drums, the snares. The whole thing. It's just hard. Classic. Undeniable.

When did you first really start listening to music and developing your own taste, instead of just listening to what was on the radio?

Pretty much when I was in 9th or 10th grade. Back then my main taste was just mixtapes and shit. The first favorite rapper I ever had was Lil Wayne, and he’s still like top 5 to me to this day. I would just listen to endless mixtapes, because before I graduated High School I just loved to listen to underground shit. I literally didn’t listen to albums and would only listen to mixtapes. I would listen to the first three Droughts, Sorry 4 the Wait. That was my favorite mixtape of all times for like 18 years (laughs).

Were you on DatPiff and all those sites?

Oh bruh, I had a DatPiff account, LiveMixtapes, Sprinrilla, all of that.

So how did listening to mostly mixtapes branch off into listening to other types of artists and other types of music?

Well basically every now and then I would look into what was new that week…

Still on the mixtape websites, or is this on something else?

Yeah still the mixtape sites but at this point I also got into Bandcamp, and that was some real underground type shit. When I got into Bandcamp I was also making my own music at this point and was posting it on there. I would hashtag that shit and then click on them to see who else was posting music from Laurel, MD, or PG County, or just Maryland in general. That’s how I found a bunch of other local artists, like my homies Fonlon and Kente from NASA8, Tek.Lun and other guys. They had the same hashtags because we were all from Laurel. And then from there I would look at other hashtags like #HipHopBeats, and I would discover artists like Madbliss. Searching through hashtags led to me finding a bunch of random bands on Bandcamp, and I feel like that really opened the door for me to be on the lookout for other genres of music.

You said earlier this is when you started making music?

Yeah I started making music in 10th grade.

So is that writing rhymes? Making beats? Both?

Making beats. I mean I was freestyling with my friends all the time, and writing rhymes down in my notebook, but I wasn’t rapping on beats until 11th grade, which was around 2013. I didn’t rap on my own beats until 2014 because I knew my shit wasn’t good (laughs). But it eventually got to a point where I could hit my own stuff instead of YouTube “type beats.” I knew early on “type beats” wasn’t the wave. It is the wave for some people, but it wasn’t the wave for me. And I knew that early on because you can’t really build a solid body of work just taking random beats. Even if you get a bunch of random beats from different producers, it’s more that needs to go into a project than that.

When you first started making music, who were some of your influences when it came to producing? I would assume Dilla is one, or did that not come until later?

I knew about J Dilla because I would hear my parents listen to Erykah Badu and Common, so when my Dad found out that I was making beats he would be like, “Oh so you wanna be like Dougie Fresh and J Dilla?” and I was like, “Who the hell are these people?” All I knew was like Mike WiLL Made-It because that was what I was hearing. I wasn’t too keen on producers at that level. The producers I did know were like Flying Lotus, Tek.Lun, Kaytranada, Sam Gellaitry and that was all through Soundcloud. Some of my favorite producers would be the ones I randomly found on Soundcloud.

Can you talk more about how discovering these local artists’ music on the internet led to you linking up with them, and not just working with them but them becoming your homies.

Literally just through showing love and support through the music. I started coming out here to Baltimore for events and chilling with the homies as a way to immerse myself in the scene. Of course, you met people, you tell people you do music, and eventually the link forms itself. And if you’re good the link grows with a lot of people. When you’re genuine, genuine things happen for you. I’ve never been a “clout chaser” or anything like that. It’s always been, “This dude is really dope. He’s the homie of my homie.”

I agree with that 100%. I feel like every connection or relationship I’ve made with someone in the arts scene has been on some person to person type stuff. Not even like artist to artist, or creative to creative type stuff, but just like as a person. And I feel like you were saying it just grows from there.

Definitely. People who are just creative in general. Photographers, painters, dancers, even like fucking bartenders. Athletes, anyone who’s mind moves faster than the normal individual. I remember when I was learning how to drive my driving instructor told me that people who are athletes and artists tend to get adapted to driving easier, because their brains work more than the average individual because they have a craft they need to constantly focus on. Whatever activity you’re involved in, your brain works harder to adapt to that.

So beats came first, and then the raps. Where does the DJing come into that?

So the DJing came in because I had probably performed 3 or 4 times rapping, but then I was really confident in my beats and I wanted to start performing my beats. By this time, 2015/2016, I would be seeing videos of dudes like eu-IV, j.robb, other producers I looked up to, random Boiler Room videos, and was thinking, “Why can’t I perform my shit?” So I started creating mixes in FL Studio, and learned to DJ through that. It was tedious as fuck, but I had time because I was kid and didn’t have shit to do (laughs).

I feel like that shows in your sets now. The last one I saw from you, you had a transition from some house song to a Gucci Mane song that was crazy. Never would I have thought to put those two tracks together.

Literally when I DJ, I just play the music that I like. That Gucci Mane song just came back into my rotation like a week ago and I was just like, “Damn I don’t remember this shit being so hard. I gotta play this at a show!” A lot of it is on the fly. I don’t really plan too much outside of downloading the music. I always go off of the crowd and how I feel. Sometimes I’ll download 30 songs for a set and only end up playing like 13, and the rest of the set would’ve been made up of songs I’ve played at other shows.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a show, and have been practicing the week before, and had a playlist ready, and you go in and the crowd is totally different, the energy changes, so you have to play off the cuff. I feel like as much emphasis you put on practicing and preparing, you also need to have the skill of being able to be on your toes and change on the drop of a dime.

I feel like if you’re a good DJ, that should already be a thing. You should know. You pick up on things like that automatically. The shows are practice. You’re not gonna get the same experience at a show, practicing at home. That’s why I feel like if you’re just starting out you should take as many opportunities as you can, and get a feel of what your lane is. I used to take any show I could. I would DJ baby showers, college pools parties, everything. You gotta find your lane, figure out what type of crowds your best in, and switch it up every now and then.

What can you tell me about the new project you got coming up? What kind of sound and themes can people expect from it?

So the new project is called the Velour Vandal EP, and it’s basically establishing myself as a rapper in the game. I’ve had rap projects before, I’ve had beat tapes, but this is my first official EP. I want people to hear this and think, “Ok, Tromac is actually trying to make it type shit.” It’s really just a lot of crank on this joint, but it’s not like I was in this joint like, “Fuck your bitch…”

You put some thought into it.

Yeah! There’s some lyrics that you gotta ask about. I’m trying to make something that’ll hit, stick, and has good content. All the people I’m working with on it are people I know care and are passionate about music. The intro is produced by me and Koleco, I’m recording all of the songs with Martin J. Ballou, I got Vlad on a song, I got Ghostie. Pretty much have all people I know are serious about music. I want this project to be something.

Yeah it’s like your introduction as a whole artist.

Yeah. And the whole thing behind the title is for like the last year or so, I’ve become really fond of velvet and have been buying a lot of it. People would always tell me I’m a bear, because I’m big and shit, soft and cuddly, just a cozy ass nigga. I have a thing where I give myself a bunch of alisas, and Velour Vandal just happen to be one of them, and I was like, “Hmm. I can do something with that.”

Any last words about your playlist and what you want the people to get from it?

I want people to go into it with a blank slate. Almost pretend like you’ve never heard music before, be reintroduced to all the different genres and aspects of these songs, and cultivate a new taste from that.

Connect with Tromac Pineapple:

https://twitter.com/TromacPineapple

https://www.instagram.com/tromacpineapple/

https://soundcloud.com/tromac

Connect with Moments In Song:

https://www.instagram.com/momentsinsong/

https://twitter.com/moments_in_song

https://tinyurl.com/MISAppleMusic

https://tinyurl.com/MISSpotify

1 note · View note

scornedlove · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter Thirteen

Robyn

“Home sweet home” I paused, inhaling a deep breath of the island air as soon as we walked out the airport. I was glad to be here and couldn’t wait to see everyone.

“We’re going to check-in at the hotel, then go see mama” Melanie stated as J loaded their suitcases into a taxi.

“Okay, I’ll be at home, let me know when you’re trying to link up” I replied as I waved my own taxi down.

I couldn’t help but smile when I pulled up to the house. It was lit up in red and green Christmas lights, music was blasting, and it looked as if everyone and their grandma was having a blast.

“Rob!” Rorrey yelled, reaching me before I could even step out the taxi.

“Come’a big head! “ he greeted pulling me in for a tight hug.

“Man, I’ve missed y'all so much” I replied kissing him and leaving a shiny lip print on his cheek.

“Everybody been waiting on you to get here” he grinned, grabbing my suitcase and pulling me towards the house.

Within a few seconds, the rest of the family started bombarding me as well. It was like everyone in my family tree was on the scene today. They were all just as happy to see me as I was to see them. By the time I made it to the living room, I was literally crying tears of joy. I hadn’t been home in so long, I forgot what it felt like to be around family.

“I got some good news” Rorrey announced after everyone returned to the party, . “I was performing downtown and a record producer offered me a deal. He wants me to fly to New York and work on a demo”

“What!?” I yelled as Leandra brought out three tequila filled shot glasses .

“Yeah sis, this gon be big he grinned happily”

“Yup, and I’m going to be there all the way” Le added, handing us a shot. “To big shit Poppin”

“Robyn, weh Rayven? “Mama asked just as I started to pour the liquid gold down my throat and I damn near choked on it. I’d forgotten everyone would be asking about the skettel.

“I in no. She wan do her own thing” I shrugged, attempting to avoid a lie. I had no interest in discussing what happened between us, at least not right now.

“You tek care of ya family now, I aint care what ya’ll go through” she ordered. “And slow down on that drinkin”

“My liver is made up of steel” Le yelled over her shoulder, and I couldn’t help but snicker. Le had a high tolerance and could probably drink more than all of us combined.

“Where’s Mel, I thought she was coming with you” Rorrey asked, pouring himself another shot.

“She stopped to see her mum first but she’ll be here later” I replied, shoving my glass to him so he could refill mine…I was ready to get wasted and join the rest of my family in the turn up. I took one more shot and felt it hit me as I swallowed.

“Come dance with me mama” I jumped up playfully grabbing her hands and swinging them as I rocked to the music that was blasting outside.

“I’m going to bed, go out there with the rest of ya drunk family” she laughed, pushing past me.

I was dancing and celebrating with my family and neighbors, trying to enjoy myself, but hearing Rayven’s name brought that situation from the back of my mind. Those shots had me a little faded and before I knew it, someone passed me a blunt.

“Robyn?” A voice called out, and I couldn’t quite make out who it was. “It’s me, Mike” he grinned, causing my stomach to churn. Everywhere I turned, I kept being reminded of her.

“Hey, how you been” I asked, giving him a quick hug.

“I’ve been ok…not better than you obviously. Damn, you look good girl” he replied as he looked me up and down.

I couldn’t front…time had been good to him as well. He had grown at least 6 inches and was now standing over me with his dreads hanging just past his shoulders. He had no shirt on and was proudly showing off his dark, muscular chest. I caught my eyes traveling down to his print but not before he did.

“We just came from the beach, we saw the party and wanted to check it out. Now, I’m glad we did” he grinned showing his pearly whites.

“Look.."I began before he quickly interrupted.

"I know we left off on a bad note and we haven’t seen each other in years…but I have regretted that day ever since it happened. That was your cousin, I’ve never forgiven myself-"

”-We were sixteen Michael, it’s really not a big deal” I shrugged, bringing the blunt back to my lips. I took a long drag and offered it to him. He took it and did the same, not breaking eye contact.

I don’t know if it was the high I had tonight, the drought I’ve had for the past ten months, or a combination of both, but my nani was screaming for some attention. On cue, my song started blaring from the speakers and my body began to do its own thing. Before I knew it, I was dancing on Michael like I had to show him what he missed out on. As I grinded my hips into his, I could feel his manhood growing, which turned me on even more.

“Come with me” I ordered, pulling him towards the side of the house. I wanted some dick and was feeling bold enough to get it. “Do you have a condom?” I asked and he responded with a nod and pulled it out of his back pocket.

“I just need to feel good” my voice slurred as I whispered in his ear.

“I got you” he replied and began to eagerly suck on my neck. His cologne was so strong that I began to feel nauseated.

“Waaii…” I started to say when he quickly swung me around so that my back was against the house, but it was too late. I vomited all over his perfectly sculpted chest, as he jumped back seconds too late.

“Damn bitch, you must be faded!” Mel yelled, popping up just in time to witness it all. I hadn’t even realized she was here.

“I’m so sor” I started to say as another wave came rushing up. This time, he dodged it and left without another word.

“Rasshole!” Mel shouted towards his back, before coming to grab my hair out of the way. I felt like I was going to die as wave after wave continued to come up. I was so embarrassed but grateful my best friend was there to help me make it inside without anyone else seeing what had just happened.

“What’s wrong?” Ella asked an hour later when she found me on the couch recuperating.

“I drank a lil too much and threw up on Mike” I chuckled back the embarrassment.

“Good, I know bout him and Ray” she laughed. “and I saw you wukkin up wit him. He don’t deserve dat”

“Yeah, you right. I was just having fun tho” I defended myself with a shrug.

“Well, what would be more fun is celebrating my acceptance to the BDF! Training starts the first week of January” she beamed. She always said she’d be a coast guard, looks like dreams have been taking off while I’ve been gone.

“Fi true?! You always said you would, look at you growing up on me. I’m so happy for you” I practically yelled, giving her a big hug.

“That’s why you need to get up! The turn up just started!”

An hour later, we were five deep, wearing all black like a mob. Mel,Le, Nita, and I all grew up on the same block. It had been years since we hung out like we used to. Being with my girls brought the life out of me. They were my sisters and we had an unbreakable bond. I would do anything for them and vice versa.

By 2 a.m. we were on the beach huddled around a small bonfire giggling as we reminisced about the sleepovers we had when we were in middle school. We laughed about buck teeth and old crushes until our guts hurt.

As the waves crashed in the sand, I realized for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I laid back in the sand and relished in the moment.

“What about you Rob? What was de best part of your year?” Nita asked, after everyone raved about the good things that happened to them. Mel’s engagement, Nita was graduating, and will be an MD in the spring, Ella was accepted to the BDF, and Le was going on a tour with Rorrey.

“Nothing. This was a shitty year. I don’t even want to talk about it” I rolled my eyes because my mood was just shot to shit. “A lot of crazy shit happened to me. Never in a million years would I have imagined my life going like this”

“But you’re still here, standing strong. That’s the best part.” Mel interrupted as I pushed back the wave of tears that were on standby. I wasn’t going to ruin a perfect evening with my girls, so I shook off the sadness.

“You know what, this is the most happiness I’ve had in a long time. We should do this at least twice a year. Crop over and Christmas. We have to escape the madness and steal this moment together” I suggested, and they all nodded in agreeance. We spent the rest of the night talking about what we would do different, and how next year will be better until we passed out on the beach, huddled together like old times.

Chris

The past few days have been a complete shock. Kate and Cindy were staying with me since we couldn’t get a decent hotel with the holiday season being here. Her parents weren’t coming back until after the holidays and I didn’t have it in me to just leave them at a dump so I made sure they had everything they would need to get them through the week.

She stayed to herself in the room I initially had set up for Cindy. I hadn’t even realized I still had all the stuff I’d gotten her. She would only come out to eat or dispose of dirty diapers and I barely even knew they were there. Only today was different, it was Christmas and I didn’t know what to do. I had to stop by mama’s and Trey’s today, but there was no way I was bringing Kate along. At the same time, I really didn’t want to leave her alone in my house either.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was a little after eight. I could swing through mama’s to watch her open my gift, then stop by Trey’s for a quick minute, and possibly make it back before she even knew I was gone.

I took a quick shower and was dressed in fifteen minutes tops. I stopped by and peeked in on them, they were sound asleep just as I expected, so I quickly made my exit.

I made it to mom’s just as she was setting the table. After the food was done, I ate like I hadn’t eaten in days, then we exchanged gifts.

“Wow… this is beautiful” mama smiled in awe at the painting I’d made for her. It was a recreation of a picture of the two of us when I was five. It was the first time I had been to the beach, one of my happiest memories.

“I have to get your gift from the garage” she announced before taking off in that direction.

“I have something for you too” Richard stated pulling an envelope out and handing it to me. It was a Christmas card with two tickets for the Lakers game tonight.

“Wow Richard, I would love to go but I can’t accept these. I’ve been so busy that I didn’t get a chance to get you and Amber anything.“

"Nonsense, these are a gift and I want you to have them. We all have tickets for tonight’s game. You’re always busy so we can consider you joining us as our Christmas gift. ” he replied.

“I don’t know man, I had something to take care of tonight…"

"Damn boy, do you ever take a day off? Either you’re the busiest man in Cali or you REALLY don’t like us” Amber interrupted.

“I just promised a friend some time tonight that’s all"

"That’s why I got you two tickets” Richard pointed out. I really wanted to go, I just had Kate to think about. There’s just no way I’m bringing her and Cindy and I’m definitely not leaving them alone in my house that long. I felt like they were putting me on the spot so I was happy to see mama coming back from the garage with a small box in tow.

“You’re going to love this!” She squealed placing it in my hands. “Open up"

I did as I was told and was more than surprised at what was looking back at me. It was a puppy.

"It’s a bulldog! Now that you’re so busy and I don’t see you as often, I have to make sure there’s a lady in the house, keeping an eye on you” mama smiled while Amber took her and gave her some kisses.

“I’m gonna miss you…let me know if you ever need a sitter” She stated, passing her back to me.

I could tell the ride home was different for Diamond, that’s what I decided to call her. Her eyes just twinkled while she whined the whole way. I prayed she wouldn’t do this all day.

I was pulling back in my driveway with Diamond asleep on my passenger seat and leftovers from Mama’s big breakfast for K when I noticed Ryan’s car pulling up right next to mine.

"Merry Christmas” she called out as she stepped out with a gift bag.

“Merry Christmas. I’m sorry I didn’t realize we were doing the gift thing” I shook my head feeling bad.

“It’s okay we can share this gift” she replied pulling out a bottle of spiked eggnog.

“Can I take a rain check on this one?”

“So basically, you’re going to ditch me on Christmas knowing you’re my only friend?” she asked dramatically.

“Okay fine since you put it like that” I agreed. I figured Kate and Cindy were still asleep anyway and Ryan and I can chill for an hour or so. I grabbed the puppy and she excitedly took her from me.

“Awww, you have a new little baby. What’s his name?” she asked, pulling her close to her chest.

“HER name is Diamond” I corrected her with a smirk.

“Well. I’ll take her, you grab the bottle” she ordered, pushing it in my hand.

When we walked in, it was still as quiet as it was when I left and I couldn’t be more grateful. That is, until Diamond started whining again. She was so loud, you would’ve sworn someone was torturing her.

“She’s probably hungry” I realized, snapping my finger. I ran back to the car for her food and by the time I came back, she had woke Kate.

“What is that noise" she asked, clearly frightened.

“Kate?!” Ryan squealed, pushing me out the way and hugging her.

“Hey girl what are you doing here?” Kate asked, finally recognizing Ryan. “I didn’t know you knew Chris”

“Chris is my only friend these days” she joked. “We were going to have some eggnog; you wanna join? Wait where is your daughter…Sin right?”

“Uh…. how do you two know each other" I asked after getting the puppy settled.

“This is Kiki’s cousin, the one I was telling you about with the crazy baby daddy” she mumbled the last part. ‘How do you guys know each other?

“This is my Kate…I mean my friend I was telling you about”

“Ohh…” Ryan slowly begin to remember and suddenly it was awkward.

“Wow, small world” Kate whistled, breaking the silence and moving past us.

“We were going to watch Home Alone and sip eggnog, come hang with us” I offered with a shrug.

“Maybe after I feed Cindy” she replied, just as the baby began to cry.

“That’s my cue” she continued down the hall.

“Uno! I win!” I yelled dropping my last card on the pile. Just as promised, Kate joined Ryan and me on Home Alone, which led to the Grinch, which led to Uno. We were on our third game, and Kate had won the first two.

“It’s about time I get some competition around here” Kate laughed as I danced and celebrated my win.

“Naw, y'all cheating” Ryan sucked her teeth as she threw her Pile of cards in.

“You’re just mad you suck” I teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“Y'all lucky I have to work tonight, or I’d sit here until I win” she laughed as she stood up, laid Diamond down, and threw her jacket on.

“Well that was embarrassing” K announced when I came back from seeing Ryan out. She looked irritated, and the grin she was wearing a second ago was now replaced with a frown.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“I’m known as ‘Kiki’s cousin’s baby mama’ ” she repeated in Ryan’s English accent.

“Well that’s what happens when you randomly have someone’s baby” I replied and felt bad instantly. I didn’t hear how fucked up it sounded until it came out. She tossed down the cards she had picked up and stormed off without giving me the chance to correct myself.

A couple of hours later she still hadn’t come from the guest room. I felt like I needed to apologize, we were finally comfortable around each other again and I didn’t want to move backwards.

“Kate” I called out easing the door open to her room. I regretted it immediately. She was sitting on the bed with Cindy in her arms breastfeeding. Her breasts were at least two cup sizes bigger then I remember, which caught me by surprise. I didn’t mean to stare, but I couldn’t help but notice the difference.

“I’m sorry, I was just making sure y'all were okay” I stammered as we made eye contact.

“You actually have good timing, I really need that bag right there if you don’t mind passing it to me” she asked, pointing to the other side of the room.

Just as I started towards it my phone rang. I gave her the bag and rushed out of the room grateful for the distraction. I missed the call, but a text came in immediately after.

Tina: Detective Reynolds left a message on the machine… He wants you to come down to the station for some questions.

“They just never give it a rest” I sighed shaking my head.

“Who?” K asked scaring the shit out of me.

“I didn’t know you were standing there” I chuckled. “I’m sorry about earlier I wasn’t intentionally disrespecting you. You know me better than that” I explained.

“Look, I know it was fucked up how everything turned out. If I could take it all back I would” she began to explain.

“We really don’t have to talk about this” I sighed. I wasn’t interested in going down memory lane with the situation. I’d actually prefer to forget it even happened.

“Yes, we do. I need to get this off my chest. Ty wasn’t some random dude. We had been of and on for a few years. Obviously while I was with you, we were off and when you were consumed with Robyn, I was with Ty. That doesn’t change how bad I felt when things turned out the way they did. If I knew there was even a small possibility that Ty could have been Cindy’s dad, I wouldn’t have gone through with having her. I know that sounds fucked up but it’s true. He’s not the type of person I want to be connected to forever.”

“So, you’re saying that you would have had an abortion?” I quizzed, remembering the time Robyn suggested it and Kate flipped shit.

“Yes, only because he’s not equipped to be a parent. The only reason I told him she was his is because I thought him seeing her would be enough to encourage him to be better, especially towards me.”

“K… is he putting his hands on you?” I asked, looking in her eyes for the truth. She nodded as tears filled her eyes.

“He’s always been verbally abusive but since I had Cindy, he’s hit me twice. If I would have known he could be even worse towards me, I wouldn’t have told him about her. I just need a job so I can save enough money to start over somewhere he couldn’t possibly find us.”

“How about I just take care of him?” I asked, feeling a wave of anger boiling in my gut. Yeah, she did some fucked up things, but Kate didn’t deserve to be hit on.

“You can’t” she protested.

“I know people that can get away with it” I pressed.

“Oh, you mean…no, no, no. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing you had him killed!” she exclaimed. “He’s not a bad person, it’s just how he grew up. He had counseling and therapy but when he drinks everything, he learned flies out the window.”

“That’s bullshit and I hope you’re truly done with him. I’ll give you a job, I’m sure Tina can find some use for you. You can have a good amount saved within a couple of months.” I suggested. “But you better not go back to that man. You deserve better”

“Well, would it be too much to ask if I wanted to stay here with you until I’m able to get my own place?” she pleaded.

“I don’t know it was rough when you were pregnant remember?”

“That’s different. My hormones were out of whack” she laughed. “but seriously can you at least think about it?”

“We’ll just take it a day at a time” I decided.

“Thank you so much!” she sighed, giving me a big hug. “Oh, and the other day you said something about losing your son...does that mean Robyn was pregnant?”

“It wouldn’t be from anyone else” I nodded “She lost him in a car accident a couple of days before my birthday.

"Wait we were together at that time...so that's why you were so withdrawn. You were a complete dick to me"

"I'm sorry...It wasn't personal"

"No, I get it now. You were in mourning and I'm sure our situation didn't make it any better." She sympathized.

We spent the rest of the night playing with Diamond and Cindy and I couldn't help but wonder how things would've turned out if Cindy had been mine. Would I still be so in love with Robyn, or could I see myself falling for Kate and being a happy little family? For whatever reason, this is what God wanted. I just had to work on accepting it, so I can move on.

“Chris someone is at the door” K announced, shaking my shoulder repeatedly.

“Okay. I’m, up I’m up” I replied as the knocking continued, louder this time.

When I opened the door, I was face to face with two police officers and the first thing that came to mind was something happened to mama.

“What’s going on officers?” I asked as my heart rate sped up, preparing for bad news.

“Are you Christopher Brown?” The first one asked, flipping his badge out.

"Yes"

“You are under arrest for the murder of Michelle Davis"

"this must be some kind of mistake” I tried to explain but neither of them was hearing it.

“Turn around and put your hands behind your back” the first one ordered. I did as I was told, and he forcefully grabbed my hands and put them in cuffs.

“Chris… what’s going on?” K appeared with Cindy in her arms.

“Call my mom asap and let her know I need her. The phone password is 0220.” I yelled over my shoulder as they pulled me to the police car.

#robyn rihanna fenty #chris brown #ff #fanfic #fanfiction

4 notes · View notes

mylymedlife · 7 years ago

Photo

This Story Will Make You Mad.

When you have chronic lyme disease, it can be very hard to know who or what to trust. This story is a perfect example.

When I was diagnosed with chronic lyme disease in 2013, I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism, as I had low T3, which is a hormone produced by the thyroid gland. I had an unusual situation, as I had low T3, but normal TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone). Normally, if you have low T3, you also have high TSH. But I didn’t.

Apparently, this was cause for concern, as one situation that produces low T3 and normal TSH is a brain tumor. So, my lyme doctor ordered an MRI of my brain. You can bet I was super relaxed about that. Thankfully, I did not have a brain tumor. Thus, my doctor said the lyme infection in my brain (it breaks through the blood brain barrier in the first 48 hours) was interrupting the communication between my hypothalamus and my pituitary gland. The two need to be on good speaking terms in order for the thyroid to function properly.

My lyme doctor recommended thyroid hormones. This turned into a major discussion, because a functional medicine doctor I was seeing at the time implored me not to take the thyroid hormone. He basically said it would goof everything up and that there were more natural ways of dealing with my thyroid issues.

At the time I was dealing with severe fatigue. As in, we were on a previously planned trip to Disney and I had to use a mobility scooter because there was no way I could have walked the park. That kind of fatigue. Can you imagine?

I didn’t know who to believe about the thyroid medication, but I knew something needed to change in the way I felt, so against my better judgement, I decided to take the thyroid hormone.

I have seen two different lyme doctors since the one who originally prescribed the thyroid hormone, and they both recommended I stay on it. Over the years, my T3 levels were closely monitored, with blood draws very six to eight weeks, followed by medication adjustments, if necessary.

Fast forward to fall of 2017. Suddenly, I’m having all sorts of issues with regulating my body temperature. I have a history of always being cold, but suddenly I was always hot. Like, really hot. I spent the harsh Minnesota winter in a sweat. Sometimes I’d walk around the house half naked. I’d be in a public space, and I’d note I was wearing a t-shirt while everybody else was bundled up in sweaters and jackets.

I know what you are thinking. Menopause. While I am of a certain age, I’m still menstruating, so that wasn’t the issue.

When you are being treated for chronic lyme disease, you tend to move away from traditional western medicine practitioners, because they look at you like you are crazy when you say you have lyme disease. It gets old.

But the body temperature thing was really bugging me, and I had a hunch it had something to do with my thyroid. So, I made an appointment with an endocrinologist.

After starting the meeting with the standard “I know you don’t recognize this, but I have chronic lyme disease” conversation, I told the doctor about my past thyroid issues, along with my current symptoms and medications.

He asked to see my blood work from before I started the thyroid hormones, which I had on hand. Sadly, I’m a pro at this, and anticipated his request. He then asked the million dollar question. He said “How much did you weigh when this blood work was done?” I told him I didn’t know for sure, as it was many years ago, but I guessed it was south of a hundred pounds.

To which he said “I don’t think you were hypothyroid. I think you were starving. When your weight gets too low, things don’t work right.”

When he said that, tears literally popped out of my eyes and rolled down my face. I didn’t even care. I was completely unselfconscious about it. Why was I crying? First, I never wanted to take those damn thyroid hormones in the first place, and it turned out I never needed to. So, that pissed me off. Second, it just reinforced how difficult it is to navigate the lyme jungle. I had not one, but three lyme doctors tell me I had lyme related hypothyroidism, and that it was critical for me to take the medication. In that moment, I was just so exhausted on navigating conflicting medical opinions.

The lyme doctors didn’t make any money off the medication, so I can only believe they had the best of intentions, but still. It’s just infuriating. There are many risks associated with taking thyroid hormones, and it turns out I unnecessarily exposed myself to those risks for four years. Not to mention, taking thyroid hormones is a huge pain in the butt. You have to take them first thing in the morning, one hour before any food, drink or other medication. Psychologically, it never made me feel good to roll out of bed and pop a pill first thing. It just sends the wrong message. I’m sick. I need medication to function. I hated starting my day that way, and I’m getting mad all over again as I write this.

But back to my appointment with the endocrinologist. Once he handed me a tissue and I stopped crying, he suggested I discontinue the thyroid hormones, and then come in for a blood draw in three weeks, once the medication fully cleared my system.

You can already see where this is going. My thyroid labs were completely normal. I was taking medication for no reason. In fairness, I have gained 26 pounds in the last two years, so that likely has something to do with my T3 levels coming back into the normal range.

Two things have happened since I discontinued the thyroid hormone:

Over the course of a few months, my body temperature issues resolved, and I am no longer overheating.

I started to gain weight at an increased clip.

When I noticed my increased weight gain seemed to coincide with discontinuing the hormone medication, I emailed the endocrinologist to ask if there was a correlation. He said there absolutely was. So, all these years, when I have been struggling to gain weight, the thyroid hormones were playing a role in holding me back. My GI system is still totally whacked, so I can’t put all the blame on the thyroid medication, but let’s just say it wasn’t helping anything.

I’m still pretty mad about all this. Yes, it’s true, I did have low T3 at one point. But I’ve learned it’s also true that not all thyroid deficiencies need to be treated, particularly if there is an extenuating circumstance, such as dramatic weight loss.

Here is the moral of the story. You know that expression “to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” I think that’s also true of many lyme doctors -- everything looks like lyme to them. And that’s my advice today -- if you have chronic lyme, or chronic anything, be on the lookout. It’s too easy for doctors to just blame everything on your chronic condition.

For whatever reason, I always had a nagging feeling my thyroid issue was not lyme related, but I never acted on my hunch because I had three people who had gone to medical school telling me I needed to be on medication, and I figured they were in a better position to know that than I was. Well, that turned out to be misplaced trust.

I am sad to say that after nearly five years navigating the mess of chronic lyme disease, I truly don’t know who to believe or who to trust. I think the fact of the matter is nobody has chronic lyme completely figured out. Not western medicine doctors, not functional medicine doctors, not lyme literate MDs. Nobody. Everybody has their own theories, and I believe they believe them. And I think most practitioners who treat lyme patients have nothing but good intentions. But I can’t help feeling like a human guinea pig.

We are still on the frontier of this epidemic, and until it gets more attention from the CDC and Western Medicine, there’s not going to be a standard treatment protocol, which means people are going to continue to struggle to get proper care, and will occasionally get sent down errant rat holes, as I did.

I realize this is more negative than I tend to be, but lyme disease is a bitch, and people who suffer from it have to work way too hard to get well, as they are simultaneously fighting the disease and the system.

I know things could be much worse, and I need to hang on to that perspective. I have learned so much from being sick, and I would never give those lessons back. But lyme disease has taken much from me, and I have sadness and anger about that. Buy I will never stop trying to regain what I’ve lost. Never. Ever.

#chroniclyme #chroniclymedisease #chronic lyme disease #lyme #lymedisease #thyroid #hypothyrodism

10 notes · View notes

scriptmedic · 7 years ago

Text

Anatomy of a Medical Drama: House, MD

This post is part of a series on the Anatomy of a Medical Drama.

The first thing to know about House, MD is that Dr. Gregory House is One Cranky Jerk.

The second thing to know about House, MD is that it isn’t a medical drama.

Oh, sure, it pretends to be. We get all the furniture of a medical drama: the dying patients, the worried family members, the gruff attending physician, the compassionate and sensitive younger doctors. We get death and we get life and we get medical miracles.

But that’s not the true genre of House.

House is a detective show. In fact, it’s a medical adaptation of the classic Sherlock Holmes.

Instead of a doctor, I want you to consider Greg House to be a detective. (Even the name House is supposed to get you to think of Holmes.) He’s arrogant, he’s rude, he’s problematic — and he’s brilliant.

Instead of a disease, I want you to consider whatever improbable virus, condition, or disease to be a criminal, a devious mastermind out to do harm. The symptoms, the actual disease process, are thus its crimes, and the patient is its victim. The loving family members are witnesses to the crime with valuable information for our detective, while the junior doctors, House’s intrepid fellows, are the junior detectives.

Lisa Cuddy, the hospital’s chief administrator, plays the role of obstructor and leader. She’s the less-than-brilliant chief who’s supposed to see things done the “right” way. She is the Lestrade to House’s Holmes; she’s there to get in his way.

And what would a Sherlock Holmes be without a Watson, or in this case, a Wilson? A best friend who enables and supports our main character not because he doesn’t see his flaws, but because he loves him in spite of them?

House, my friends, is a crime drama.

Thus we’ve discovered House, MD‘s Content Genre: Crime Drama (Medical), also known as a Diagnosis Drama.

The Reality Genre of the show is aimed to be Realistic, grounded in reality and the cutting-edge medicine of the day. The rules of the world are ostensibly the same as the one you and I live in: magic, elves, and science fiction take no part in this show. That said, the show’s connection to actual realistic medicine is tenuous at best, as we’ll discuss below.

What Makes House, MD Great?

There are a number of things that contributed to House, MD‘s success over its eight-year run.

First, the acting was great. Hugh Laurie brought depth and a tremendous amount of weight and poignancy to the character of Greg House. The supporting cast, including Lisa Edelstein (Cuddy), Robert Sean Leonard (Wilson), Jennifer Morrison (Cameron), Omar Epps (Foreman), and Jesse Spencer (Chase) made the first few seasons absolutely riveting, and adding in talent like Olivia Wilde (Hadley / “13”), Kal Penn (Kutner) and Peter Jacobson (Taub) in later seasons only improved things.

Second, House��s mindset is absolutely fascinating: Everybody Lies. (The question that makes things interesting is how they lie, to what degree they lie, and, most fascinating of all, why they lie; this is part of the fun of House, MD as a show.)

House has been criticized for being formulaic, and I can definitely agree that it is, and yet something in the formula that drove the show was incredibly compelling. House was always doing something absolutely crazy that we knew was wrong (because the episode was only half over), Cuddy and his staff were always trying to keep him on the sane and level path, and what’s even better, the show recognized it. It was acknowledged in multiple episodes, and even by House himself, that his colleagues were the reason House could stay sane and keep from killing his patients.

In fact, House and Wilson fall into (or at least adjacent to) the “Buddy Cop” trope, what Roger Ebert called a “Wunza” relationship: one of the pair is a calm, competent, mild-mannered oncologist, while the other is a dramatic, abrasive, neurotic, brilliant critical care doctor. It doesn’t contain all aspects of the traditional Buddy Cop relationship — we don’t see them hate each other in the beginning like we do with most buddy cops — but the relationship is there; we see it after it’s stabilized.

And that drama, that tension between the egomaniac with a syringe and a helpless patient and those who want the best for both of them, made House an incredibly tense show. That tension carried us through to the inevitable end — that House would solve the case, the patient would get better, and because the patient got better, all would be forgiven.

House also had consequences for the character’s actions that played out over multiple episodes. At the end of Season 1, House is shot because he was such a jerk — which resulted in his getting a certain kind of anesthesia (ketamine) which eliminated his pain and gave him the ability to walk and run pain-free again for a limited time at the start of Season 2.

House’s unorthodox treatments (such as prescribing cigarettes for Irritable Bowel Syndrome) landed him in hot water with Medicare, which threatened to pull his license. His constant abuse of drugs, a cornerstone of his character, landed him in rehab more than once, and addiction is a theme that plays its tune throughout the show.

All in all, House was a very good show with a lot of strong qualities.

Where Does House, MD Fail?

First, we need to get something out of the way: we get a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. from House himself — he is, in a sense, the show’s social villain. He’s portrayed as a man so offensive that the only reason he keeps his job is because he’s too brilliant to fire for his childishness and gruff exterior.

That said, hearing some of the awful and offensive things he’s said come from a “medical professional” and the show’s protagonist is damaging and hurtful. There were ways the showrunners could have made House a jerk without resorting to insults based on someone’s identity.

(It’s also worth considering its place in time; the show ran from 2004-2012, an era in which minority voices were far less recognized in TV than they are even five years after the show’s end. )

The show fails the realism test on several fronts. In fact, speaking as an ICU paramedic, the medicine is often laughably inaccurate or hyperbolized. Things progress at a pace that suits dramatic storytelling, not reality; diseases layer that are astronomically unlikely; hell, House’s entire specialty — “Diagnostic Medicine” — doesn’t exist, because all doctors diagnose and all doctors treat.

But that’s not the big problem with the show. The biggest problem with the show are its ethics.

The number of unethical and outright illegal measures House takes to “get the job done” would have gotten any real doctor fired in their first year. They are, frankly, a scary thing to normalize in the minds of non-medical viewers.

Speaking of getting fired, fun fact: while medical staff who come to their employers and admit addiction to a substance are generally treated well — [estimates of substance abuse among nurses run from 10-20%] — they’re not allowed to practice stoned. Many employers will give time off for rehab, but staff must be compliant to practice.

Moreover, the repeated displays of unpunished bad behavior lends itself to a mindset that “the ends justify the means,” which is incredibly dangerous. A great many awful things have been “justified” in this manner.

Is It Good TV?

This is the most irritating part about House. Because with as many inaccuracies and flaws and mixed messages and damaging representations as the show has, as many bad stereotypes as it engaged with — it was still damn good TV, at least for the first 4 seasons. Characters changed, at least a little; the stakes were constantly escalating; House the Bully was often, let’s face it, hilarious in his cruelty.

House might have been bad in a great many senses, but it was damned compelling TV, and for all its faults, that fact is undeniable.

In short: House is great to watch, but don’t try to be a Greg House.

How Can We Write Like House?

If you wanted to produce a book, movie, or TV show along the lines of House, MD, my first suggestion would be to get very, very comfortable with the genre conventions and obligatory scenes of the crime drama, and consider how they can translate into medicine.

If we truly want to classify House, MD, we would likely call it a diagnosis drama to differentiate it from a crime drama, though really all that’s changed is the furniture.

Here are some of the Obligatory Scenes and Genre Conventions for a diagnosis drama, and the parallel scenes in a crime drama:

The Disease Strikes. (The Crime) Whether something has been building up for a while or comes to a head, we need to see a character felled by a disease or injury. This must occur early in the story/plotline and is essentially the Inciting Event.

The Doctor & The Team. (The Detective & Sidekick(s)) We must have a lead character, usually a doctor, trying to solve the medical puzzle, usually working with a team. The interpersonal dynamics of the team are crucial to establishing drama and hooking the audience.

Gather Symptoms and Information. (Interviewing Witnesses; Red Herrings.) The doctor must try to gain as much information as they can to solve the case. In House this often involves burglary for reasons not entirely clear.

Diagnose / Treat / Fail / Repeat. (Red Herrings & False Accusations) As the drama wears on, the patient gets worse, often by the hands of the doctor treating them. The team iterates over their work, trying new approaches that must get riskier and more dramatic as time goes on.

It Gets Personal. There must be some reason the doctor (and thus our audience) becomes closely entwined with the outcome of the case. Either the patient and doctor or team must form a personal bond, the doctor’s reputation must hang in the balance, or the rising tension between the team (who must think differently from the doctor) can only be resolved by solving the case and helping the patient.

The Final Diagnosis. (J’accuse!) The doctor must make a final diagnosis that will either save or kill the patient.

A Life Saved or a Life Lost. (The Justice Theme) Our story must end with either the patient’s life being saved or their life being lost. This may come with an ironic twist: the doctor may save the character at the expense of a relationship they value dearly.

If you’d be willing to take a piece of advice, though… check the misogyny, racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. at the door. Take the best things from this show, not the worst.

For more reading on genre conventions and obligatory scenes, I recommend Shawn Coyne’s excellent guide to editing, [The Story Grid], and Blake Snyder’s [Save the Cat!], both of which are excellent books on storytelling from wildly different, and yet similar, perspectives.

What Medical Drama Should I Analyze Next?

Drop a comment or reblog and let me know!

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

[disclaimer]

[Free Email Course: Injuries in Storytelling]

Anatomy of a Medical Drama: House, MD was originally published on ScriptMedicBlog.com

#anatomy of a medical drama #content genres #genre conventions #genres #medical ethics #obligatory scenes #reality genres #masterposts #crossposts

449 notes · View notes

weddingjewelers · 4 years ago

Text

7 methods for remaining pleased, confirm Historically

Historically, dating has constantly had its challenges. (Romeo and Juliet, much? ) However in the chronilogical age of Tinder and Bumble, it is perhaps more difficult than ever—particularly in the event that you’ve been signing severe time that is smartphone. Relating to psychiatrist Drew Ramsey, MD, the issue isn’t you; it is the way in which swiping can make us feel about dating. Right right Here, the Well Good Council member shares his advice that is best for staying sane while dating… and having better experiences, too.

If you’re concerned that Twitter and Cambridge Analytica invaded your privacy, consider for a minute what profiles, swiping, and culture that is hook-up done to your dating life. Love, sex, or whatever mix of those you a cure for is currently influenced by an algorithm. That’s an order that is tall the chronilogical age of swiping left and right.

Playing men and women discuss dating today, we hear the yearning that is same human being connection that seemingly have constantly existed. But damn, this indicates difficult to get. Simply to be clear, i believe a special someone is offered for you personally. We see individuals fall in love all of the time—but you must remain resilient.

Listed below are my top methods for maintaining your sanity when you look at the chronilogical age of swiping.

Swipe. Message. Meet.

On line platforms are an instrument to begin with: conference people. Don’t forget this and don’t make it a deal that is big. You’re simply meeting some folks—what fun that is new!

Certain, I’m a small old-school, but no profile lets you know the crucial such things as just just what somebody has the scent of or when they move you to laugh. Chemistry. Spark. Limerence. Totally inaccurate emotions unless you’re in individual.

Be direct

As being a psychiatrist, we stress my relationship advice may maybe not have sufficient game inside it. However it appears that individuals do most readily useful when they’re authentic, also dull. Every person fears there was some game that is super-complex in this is certainly secretly coded in text regularity and emoji option. Not the case, in my experience. The 2 many qualities that are attractive a love of enjoyable and a willingness to communicate straight.

Enjoy your lifetime

Dating and relationship is merely one section of yourself. It is simple for that to be the absolute most essential component, specially when your phone is beeping and buzzing because of the vow regarding the One. That’s the fact that is lacking, is not it? The facts regarding the matter is the fact that you result in the joy that you experienced. Therefore the more your nourish your relationships to buddies, work, and community, the higher you’ll be at maintaining dating that is online driving you pea pea pea nuts.

Don’t match, develop

Searching for that one somebody who likes green juice, hot yoga, travel, is gluten-free, dairy-neutral, and contains freakishly smooth epidermis? First, best of luck with that—but moreover, why? A wonderful element of genuine intimacy has been various and working to know and respect our distinctions. Determine what you’ll need in somebody and attempt to ascertain one thing in regards to the requirements and drives of one’s date.

Keep in mind, it is maybe maybe not about yourself

Stop playing the “what if” game. We can’t actually understand why strangers like us or don’t. You evoke effective emotions in people and additionally they imagine lot of material, just like you waplog apk are doing about them. Keep in mind, no body actually understands you initially so that they are rejecting a dream in regards to you. (i am talking about, is also rejection? )

Keep things in viewpoint

These are producing fantasies that are unrealistic idealizing individuals is actually perhaps maybe maybe not cool and horribly self-defeating. See individuals for who they are. They will have challenges exactly like you. The nice thing about it is the fact that they likewise have requirements like everyone else.

Schedule it

Certain, making calendar time for dating just isn’t precisely intimate. But look, your daily life is busy, and there are particular times that you’re more prone to feel up for fulfilling a stranger for coffee. Friday evenings? Most likely not—you’ll likely be cleaned after a long week. Exactly what in regards to a tea that is quick for a Tuesday afternoon? Or perhaps a stroll after finishing up work on a Wednesday? Find a couple of comfortable safe places with good light which can be convenient to exert effort or house. Then work them such as a part-time, yet serious work.

#Ellisfine Jewelers NC

0 notes

lucyreviewcy · 7 years ago

Text

Everything I Watched This Saturday

Weekends are usually busy for me. However, this weekend half of England is snowed in, making saturday the perfect opportunity for some serious TV catchup.

I try and vary what I watch. Some shows really lend themselves to binge watching because they have cliffhangers at every episode (White Collar), some really great will-they-won’t-they action (Gilmore Girls) or sometimes just a really comfortable vibe (Lewis). However, I find that if I binge I get into the rhythm of the show, and stop enjoying it when I can predict exactly when the twist will happen (my brother once figured out that House MD figures out the diagnosis about 37 minutes into every episode.) By changing up what I watch, even when I want to spend a whole day getting some good quality screen time, I enjoy each individual show much more.

This weekend, I watched:

Lewis - S01, E03 “Old School Ties”

I’ve loved Lewis since the show started (which, fun fact, was before the UK smoking ban - hence Laurence Fox lighting up so often in the office.) While Morse unfortunately reminds me of stuffy Sunday afternoons when there was literally nothing else on, Lewis is a show I love to make time for. Kevin Whately and Laurence fox have great chemistry, and the titular inspector’s continued exaspiration with Oxfords academic wankery makes for excellent one-liners.

In this episode, while protecting ex-hacker turned celebrity criminal (and professional geordie - much to Lewis’ chagrin) Nicky Turnbull, Lewis investigates the murder of a young woman at the hotel where Turnbull is staying. I had seen this episode before but despite remembering entire lines of dialogue and plot points, the perpatrator had actually slipped my mind.

This episode doesn’t have the most satisfying reveal of all time, but it gripped me even though this was probably my fourth viewing. Lewis is, in general, fairly easy to follow even if you’re doing fairly complicated knitting while watching.

Overall, the contrast between Hathaway’s aloof synicism and Lewis’ genuine interest in people makes excellent television. The moment at the end with the two sharing headphones makes this one a winner for me.

White Collar - S04, E08 “Identity Crisis”

Watching White Collar directly after Lewis makes for an interesting experience. The shows are very similar. As they are both police procedurals, they share a penchant for unexpected twists and shots of two men in suits approaching a third person and flashing a badge. That’s all fairly run of the mill stuff, but the way that the characters interact is also very similar. While Neal Caffrey is an ex-thief helping Agent Burke investigate thieves, Hathaway is an intellectual Oxbridge graduate helping Lewis investigate intellectual Oxbridge graduates. Both Burke and Lewis have similarly eye-rolling reactions to their partners, creating a certain symmetry between the two shows.

This episode of White Collar was a break from the normal format, with Mozzie leading the team on an investigation into a group of spies - from revolutionary America.

I am always nervous when shows break from their routines, because the results can be hit and miss. Doctor Who has episodes like “Heaven Sent” - a solo performance from Peter Capaldi that is incredible, and then other episodes like “Love & Monsters” which is a crock of shit. However, with “Identity Crisis”, White Collar lands a winner. There are scrapes, japes and character development, as well as mysterious twists. Mozzie is an excellent character, and episodes where he takes centre stage are great fun.

Episodes - S02 E09 “Episode 9”

A nice coincidence from my TV adventures today is that the White Collar episode I watched also featured Mircea Monroe, who plays Morning in Episodes.

This sitcom is always great fun and this series denoument is no exception. This farcical end to a series packed full of dating drama and secret affars was full of awkward silences, forced smiles and Matt LeBlanc being a comical dickhead. His performance in this show has really put the Top Gear host into my good books, as he’s clearly not afraid to take the piss out of himself. A highlight of this episode is a black-tie brawl featuring pretty much every character. Steven Mangan’s “Wallace and Gromit” smile is also a memorable moment.

Nigel Slater’s Middle East E03 “Iran”

Completely switching gears here to my favourite TV chef of all time. Nigel Slater has long been a source of comfort to me when I’m feeling stressed. He has an incredible ability to make all food sound appealing, just by pausing in a sentence, nodding affirmatvely at the camera and saying “and it’s incredible.”

While yes, he has on occasion seemed to live in a dreamworld where people have whole parmesan rinds at the back of the fridge, and half a roast chicken “lying around”, Nigel Slater makes programmes that are deeply relaxing. Considering that the Middle East isn’t an area that a lot of people would consider “relaxing”, this show is a really fresh represetnation of part of the world that I had previously associated only with conflict.

In this episode, the final one of the series, Nigel eats sheep brains, catches pomegranates and has dinner at his taxi driver’s house. While I’m sure there’s a lot of work done by editing and producers and translators, I loved this series because the reactions that my best TV friend Nigel has to all the food he tries seem genuine. His passion for food and flavour are boundless and this show is a wonderful expression of that.

Victoria S01 E08 “Young England”

Look, I started watching this show because I like Jenna Coleman and I missed Clara Oswald. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did. This episode especially showcased Victoria’s ability to make history seem dramatic and compelling. Victoria’s pregnancy has reached the “deep discomfort all day every day” stage, and having recently watched a friend go through this stage, I felt like Coleman conveyed this perfectly. I had an overwhelming urge to buy her a McDonalds with extra fries, just to make her feel better.

I had no idea that there had been an attempt on Queen Victoria’s life during her first pregnancy, and I found this episode genuinely shocking. I also found myself crying at random intervals, potentially because I felt so much sympathy for poor pregnant Victoria, who just wants to take a ride in her damn carriage.

This show is excellent and I was gutted to realise that Netflix only has the first season, I can’t wait to find out what happens next!

Top Gear - S25 E01

Having warmed so much to Matt LeBlanc through my viewing of Episodes, I thought I’d give the new Top Gear a go. I hadn’t watched this show since the ill-fated Chris Evans series, and was interested to see how it was faring.

The answer was “eh, it’s alright.”

I must confess that I don’t think I’m quite interested in cars enough to fully enjoy Top Gear in it’s current format. While the specials that the “old guard” of Hammond, May and Clarkson used to make me roar with laughter - I was never fully invested in the show even at it’s peak of popularity.

That being said, there were a few moments in this episode that I thoroughly enjoyed - mainly discovering that figure of 8 chain car racing is apparently a thing. This is possibly one of the most American extreme sports events I have ever heard of, and that section of the programme is genuinely fun to watch.

Overall, yeah - Top Gear’s about cars. I don’t have a car. I used to have a car, but even then I wasn’t that interested in other cars. Unless they were coming towards me. At speed.

iZombie - S04 E01 “Are You Ready for Some Zombies?”

If you want me to take your new season opener seriously don’t give it a title that can be sung to the tune of “Do you wanna build a snowman?”

iZombie is a show I have really enjoyed in the past, but I feel as if it may have escalated beyond its own format. What used to be a fun and twisted police procedural now has too many other strands to cope with. Rather than watching Liv and Clive solve a crime, we have to see this story spliced into small spaces alongside Ravi, Major, Peyton and Blaine’s plot development. Once the zombie world was revealed, the show became messier and less interesting.

In my opinion, this episode was not the most enticing series opener. While I loved seasons 1 and 2, it’s become too hard to keep track of who is and isn’t a zombie, and all their individual emotions about this. The show has always been like a fun, undead version of Veronica Mars, but Veronica Mars wouldn’t have been as good if at the end of one season she’d been involved in “Private Detective High” where everyone else was a private detective. I think this is where iZombie has lost it’s magic for me.

I’ll keep watching but the show won’t be as exciting as it once was.

So there you have it, that’s what I watched this weekend! If you’re trapped in a binge-watching cycle (it happens to all of us, there’s a reason I am only allowed to watch Gilmore Girls on Thursdays), I hope the above inspires you to curate a complicated menu of shows next time you’re having a duvet day!

#saturday #everything i watched #weekend #duvet day #lewis #white collar #episodes #Nigel Slater's Middle East #victoria #topgear #izombie #tv show #reviews #reccomendations

1 note · View note

nuclearblastuk · 7 years ago

Text

ANTHRAX live DVD ‘Kings Among Scotland’ announced for April 2018 release!

Multi-Grammy nominated thrash icons ANTHRAX will see ‘Kings Among Scotland’ the band’s long-awaited live-in-concert DVD, arrive in stores and online on April 27th 2018. Captured last February 15th at the band's sold-out concert at Glasgow's historic venue the Barrowland Ballroom, the two-hour ‘Kings Among Scotland’ incorporates the band’s entire live show along with interviews, behind-the-scenes footage and other B-roll shot on the band's tour bus, backstage, in hotels and elsewhere. The DVD will also include a "gear rundown" from each of the band members. ‘Kings Among Scotland’ can be pre-ordered starting today; log on to www.anthrax.com for all purchasing information. "Playing for our friends at the Barrowlands has always been very special," said ANTHRAX's Frank Bello. "We all know we're going to get together and have an insanely great time, and we think that incredible interaction and energy really comes through on this video." With packaging art created by Steve Thompson (SLAYER, MOTÖRHEAD, IRON MAIDEN), the DVD's concert is presented in two parts. For part one, ANTHRAX performed the "favourites" that had been voted on, pre-show, by the band's fans which includes gems like 'Madhouse,' 'Be All, End All,' 'Breathing Lightning,' and 'A.I.R.' The band augmented the stage production for part two, with ramps and staircases and other production values while they tore into their classic 1987 album ‘Among The Living’, performing 'Caught In A Mosh,' 'I Am The Law,' 'Indians,' 'Eflinikufesin (N.F.L.),' and more. "It was a pretty intense show," added guitarist Scott Ian, "especially when the crowd was so insane, the floor actually started moving up and down." "It was a challenge for all of us to play ‘Among The Living’ live," admits Charlie Benante. "We've played a number of that album's songs in our shows over the years, but not all of them, and playing a song in a recording studio is not the same as playing it live on stage. So we put in a lot of time to get all of the tracks down perfectly. And I'll tell you, after we finished that set, as arduous as it was, we all felt a sense of exhilaration, like we could go out and do it again." ‘Kings Among Scotland’ was produced, directed, filmed and edited for Film24Productions by Paul M. Green (OPETH, THE DAMNED, THE LEVELLERS), with the sound mixed by ANTHRAX studio producer Jay Ruston. For the filming, Green utilised 17 cameras, including a crane and several mobile and stationery Go-Pros.

ANTHRAX's North American co-headline tour with KILLSWITCH ENGAGE – ‘The KillThrax Tour II’ is set to kick off January 25th in Montreal. All dates are below. ‘The KillThrax Tour II’ w/ KILLSWITCH ENGAGE, HAVOK 25.01. CDN Montreal, QC - M Telus 26.01. CDN London, ON - Music Hall 27.01. USA Stroudsburg, PA - Sherman Theater 28.01. USA Richmond, VA - The National 30.01. USA Tampa, FL - Jannus Live 31.01. USA Charlotte, NC - The Fillmore 02.02. USA Milwaukee, WI - Eagles Ballroom Club Stage 03.02. USA Indianapolis, IN - Egyptian Room at Old National Centre 05.02. USA Nashville, TN - Marathon Music Works 06.02. USA Birmingham, AL - Iron City 08.02. USA Corpus Christi, TX - The Pavilion at Concrete Street 09.02. USA Lubbock, TX - Lonestar Pavilion 10.02. USA Oklahoma City, OK - The Criterion 11.02. USA Albuquerque, NM - El Rey Theater 13.02. USA San Diego, CA - House of Blues 14.02. USA Anaheim, CA - House of Blues 16.02. USA Boise, ID - Revolution Concert House 17.02. USA Spokane, WA - Knitting Factory Concert House 19.02. CDN Edmonton, AB - The Ranch 20.02. CDN Grande Prairie, AB - Bowes Event Center at Revolution Place 21.02. CDN Calgary, AB - MacEwan Hall 23.02. CDN Winnipeg, MB - Burton Cummings Theatre 24.02. USA Minneapolis, MN - Skyway Theatre 25.02. USA Sioux City, IA - Anthem at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino 27.02. USA Joliet, IL - The Forge 01.03. USA Baltimore, MD - Rams Head Live 02.03. USA Rochester, NY - Dome Arena 03.03. USA Worcester, MA - The Palladium 04.03. USA Portland, ME - State Theatre More on ‘For All Kings’: 'Suzerain' OFFICIAL LYRIC VIDEO 'Evil Twin' OFFICIAL TRACK & LYRICS 'Breathing Lightning' OFFICIAL TRACK 'Blood Eagle Wings' OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO 'Monster At The End'

Over the band's 35-year career, ANTHRAX have sold in excess of 10-million units, received multiple Gold and Platinum awards, six Grammy nominations and a host of other accolades from the media, industry and fans. In 1991, their music helped break down race and genre barriers when they collaborated with PUBLIC ENEMY on 'Bring The Noise'. And, of course, along with METALLICA, SLAYER and MEGADETH, ANTHRAX helped pioneer the thrash/metal genre as a member of The Big Four. More info:

www.anthrax.com www.facebook.com/anthrax High res photos / artwork: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ysmgmwarqa2g5rt/AAD9WCVCcKICzmrWf9SvpUsia?dl=0

#Anthrax #Live DVD #kings among scotland #US tour #KillSwitch Engage

3 notes · View notes

dinoalexander · 5 years ago

Text

Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular

Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular... is ON! === “Time to play everybody’s favorite game show, Fireworks or Gunshots?” -BFG

“Goddamnit. I have to be the adult, don’t I?” -Gordon

“You can copy the format, you can copy the look, but you can’t copy culture!” -UBA

“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this craziness.” -Kimberly

“Starting a petition to have Barbara Walters do the ball drop next New Years just to hear her say, ‘I’m Barbara Walters and this is 2020.’” -Chelsea

“Hello, Antonio Brown's Shiny Helmet Emporium, how can I help you? What's your pleasure?” -Carl

“Watch me whip out my Shenehneh.” -Gordon

“I feel like I’m watching one of my movies, because this whole damn thing sucks.” -John Cena

“I giggled.” -Michael

“I’m not saying BH90210 is the worst thing in the history of all recorded media, but if somebody had the theory that Luke Perry faked his own death to avoid any and all association with it, I would be willing to entertain that theory.” -Kevin

“Any day the key card works is a win.” -Joe Ovies

“She played a fiddle in an Irish band...” -Ed Sheeran “No she didn’t.” (Click) -Chico

“CBS was callin’, I’m Black Monty Hallin’.” -Wayne Brady

“Richard Quest on CNN! He's gonna ask the rest of the 500 questions!” -Klaussie

“Work. What is this work bullshit?” -Gordon

“Verizon and Tegna, when the carriage agreement ended.” -MD

“I got my words! I got my friends! I got my words WITH my friends!” -Megan

“Thoughts and prayers to the Love Boat, who had her on so frequently her name probably appeared higher up on the call sheet than Isaac or Doc.” -Kevin

“Another fine product from Assmung.” -Carl

“Remember how I thought Adam Gase was a total piece of crap? I have been proven right. Fuck Adam Gase and the horse that rode in on him.” -Cyndi

“Walls? Where we’re going, we don’t need walls.” -Laura

“I’m a person who wants to be productive trapped inside a person who wants to sleep all day.” -Cortney

“Tommy Chong is a THC-list celebrity.” -JB

“Hey did you know that Francesa met Secretariat?” -Greg

“In a year when Black Panther told a story of a black superhero in a futuristic world struggling with real questions about how to deal with racial oppression, and BlacKkKlansman told a story of racial wounds in America that continue to this day and the need for allies to put themselves on the line, Best Picture went to Green Book, the story of a brilliant black musician as told through the white guy who drove him around. Okay.” -Kristin

“Advice: avoid sugar, Oregon Trail diseases, & women named in Mambo No. 5.” -Austin

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but so will my poor eating habits and bad decisions.” -Sarah Pribis

“She was prepared to kill a cockroach with a baseball bat.” -me on overzealous providers

“I am the crocodonkey.” -Klauss

“Aaaaaand we just lost Quisla.” -C

“Can Scaramucci last longer than a Scaramucci?” -...I don’t know, somebody.

“I want dysentery! ... wait what?” -Kyle

“My boobs are not real.” -Gordon

“I want to stop this show and take 10% of you outside, right now!" -Chris Harrison

“OMG Parallel Universe me, stop it!” -C

“I figured out who should host the Oscars ... Colin Kaepernick! Dude still needs a job, right? Also, he’s like two or three times the size of Kevin Hart. I bet we could pay him the same amount, so it’s like getting a bargain! Of course, I’ll want a modest consulting fee from the Academy. Problem solved. You’re welcome.” -Clint

“How the hell am I supposed to put this thing together? Are there instructions or am I just supposed to wing it?” -C “Even IKEA gives me instructions in a foreign language and a tiny ass tool.” -Q

"The only place you see Success before Work is in the Dictionary: -Mauro Ranallo NXT Takeover Phoenix

“A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klauss

“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food.” -Gordon

“Time to play “Sexy or Sleepy”?” -C

“... that means ‘Eff you, you, you, and you’.” -Jason “That’s my autobiography right there.” -Gordon

“The magic thing about home is it feels good to leave but it feels better to come back.” -Emily “Home is a bit like that.” -C

“Thoughts and prayers to Ryan Stiles, who has lost his go-to celebrity impression.” -BB

“Hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways, but you don’t have to, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL, ASSHOLE!” -Q

“What, you think people do coke once?” -Greg

“I can read off a TelePrompTer like a motherfucker.” -Kristen Bell

“‘Thank God we will be able to see more Pat Buchanan on TV’ said no one ever. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the last thing that is needed is another show featuring a panel of bloviating pundits. I get it. It’s cheap and easy to produce. But so is p*rn.” -Kevin, on The McLaughlin Group

“After watching HQ Words you wonder why Anna Roisman hasn't hit the big time yet. After watching HQ After Dark, you can completely understand why.” -Gordon

“If I die tonight, I want two of the Woodpeckers, two of the Football Tar Heels, and two of the Panthers to serve as my pallbearers so they can all let me down one more time.” -C, on Bad Sports Week 2019

“The first time is flattery, the second time is a lie.” -Michael

“I went to the mall with my pops. I saw something driving to there that truly shocked me. Someone had an orange Ford F650 extended cab pick up truck… With duallies… A rolling coal smokestack… And hubcaps with spikes on each of the nuts. And my only thought was… “My God… It must be MICROSCOPIC!” -Brian

“Would’ve expected to see “Employees must wash hands before returning to work”, posted in the restroom, but alright NOLA, still good looking out I guess...” -Casey

“Because....um.....going from a 40 to a 33 waist apparently makes people want to bed you.” -Gordon

“Breaking news: Idiot talks to idiot on a channel watched by idiots.” -Kevin

“Screaming tree maraca!” -Dahlia

“Looks like I fell down on the job. Metaphorically, because literally would make me Oprah Rich and I'd be full of imported cheese right now.” -Laura

“In another decade or so, somebody is going to make a documentary on Ken Burns documentaries. The TRT will be 152 years.” -Kevin

“May your 2019 be filled with happiness, prosperity, great cocktails, laughter, and Waffle House when you need it most.” -Rick Wilson

“There are sober people in England... No there’s not!” -Mike the CD

“Oh... oh.... oh....” -Q “IT’S MAGIC!” -C

“And finally, some of y’all still out here begging (I’m mean, pure, unadulterated BEGGING) for attention (I’m talking ANY attention) and validation. Lord Jesus put that sadness away. Just put it away.” - Michael

“I’m thinking of a number. The number is 10. You go first.” -JD

“Also, I would take tasteful pics of me making pizza naked. I'm only 30 and I'm only gonna look like this once.” -Kimberly D

“I have ADD. You wanna ride a bike? I’m gonna drink some water. Rooooooam if you want to... This coffee’s really delicious. I’m a sucker for you.” -Q

“Matthew Judon... Body built by Taco Bell.” -Matthew Judon, professional football player

“YEAH!!!! 1943, BITCH!” -my response to Q’s retelling of the events leading up to the Battle of Midway.

“Depending upon the inflection (Bless your heart) can mean anything from “oh you poor thing” to “would you lend me your brain?, I’m building an idiot”.” -Brian

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” -LiyaZee

“That is a giant banana!” -Chris Ahearn, re: a giant banana “Why thank you!” -JB

“Betty White the Happy Homehooker.” -C

“I'll only have a hamberder if I can have it with covfefe.” -The Governess

“I will never forget when you surprised my ass in Atlantic City. That was the weekend of the Press Your Luck Prime Rib.” -JB “That was my first taste of the juice.” -Chico “And you been on the corner... ever since... looking for a fix.” -JB

“Sounds like a generic dude who owns the Ford dealership in every single city in America.” -BFG’s response to “Who is Tom Steyer?”

“Time to switch to Channel 7...” -Cyndi, getting ready to launch a Dallas recap style recap

“The only difference I've noticed this year is that now I get told, "OK Boomer", when I complain about holiday creep.” -Trey

“A 21st Century Koan... If a vegan that sold essential oils begin doing CrossFit… Which would they tell you about first?” -Brian

“Sorry I shoved my hair in your face.” -Christina

“You are turning into a Burberry wearing, wine drinking, charcoal mask wearing kinda guy... AND I COULDN’T BE PROUDER!” -Q

“Instead of airing new Love Island episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug “CBS is better off running Secret Talents of thr Stars.” -Gordon

“How far along are you?” -some guy “Oh, about six burritos and about a dozen cupcakes.” -Kimberly

“Answers and bribes go into the Corona Extra bucket.” -Michael

“Dear God, Please watch over Cole Anthony’s shoes.” -C

“What’s that scent you’re wearing? Oh, a little something I call washing your ass.” -Q

“You ever just wish there was a coffee delivery service? .... I do.” -Kathleen

“I’m just another brother with a game show.” -BFG

“(Unintelligible) ... Thicke of the niiiight.” -Greg’s impersonation of Gilbert Gottfried’s impersonation of Alan Thicke

“Antonio Brown doesn’t need football - ‘They’re going to play by my rules.’ A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klaussie

“You keep your head high and your middle finger higher.” -Alex

“There has to be a more scientific name for the penis. ... Intermittent organ?” —Gordon “That sounds pretentious enough to be scientific.” -C

“Zooey is saved for awkward sexy stories. Jeff Zucker is someone I don't want associated with "sexy stories".” -Dane

“Ryan is as Canadian as it gets. I think he bleeds maple syrup.” -C

“Turns out Gillette doesn’t work well with sensitive skin after all.” -Ben Rejmer

“Are you drinking something funny there, sunshine?” -Statboy

“It's so cold out here on the east coast that Jim Dolan, the brilliant genius that he is, decided to warm the citizens of Manhattan up and turn MSG into a giant dumpster fire.” -Gordon

“Ziggy is my spirit animal.” -C

“It may sound bougie, but.. you look good, you play good. You play good... they PAY good.” -Cam Newton

“We could be flying Pan Am Clippers to Venus. But MTV stopped playing music, legalized weed, and elected Donald Trump.” -C

“I get it. Tom Brady = deflated balls. Alex Guerrero = "inflates them". Hookers like Tom Brady. Damn, Alex Guerrero is better than Viagra.” -Klaussie

“I think I found the pony under the pile of shit." -Kimberly

“Skype sucks ass.” -Gordon

“In this troubled times, I like to put my hand over the kidney in my heart, stare at the moon of Mars contemplating how the wheel is older than the wall, the great things Frederick Douglas is doing & just being thankful I have ID to buy cereal, thankful for George Washington Airport victories & I don't have Windmill cancer.” -Trent Capelli...Twitter

“Sugar isn't "worse than cocaine." You're not killing yourself by ingesting sugars either in foods or in your coffee. People who are selling you weightloss programs want to tell you that you're killing yourself but there is no scientific evidence that sugar kills humans. Thank you for attending my TEDtalk.” - Shrub

“I found a love...” -Ed Sheeran “No you didn’t.” (Click) -Chico

“Many of you are wondering about my mental state after the Vols game last night. I assure you last night I slept like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry...” -Brian

“If you paid $7 for a Jack & Coke, you got jacked.” -Klaussie “... and Coked.” -C

“Rich Eisen getting triggered by an f’n commercial for 9-1-1 because it featured a fictional situation in a place where his kid goes to is the most white guy thing ever.” -Greg

“And now that your reagent is all nice and mixed and all the chemicals have gotten to know each other, gently put the reagent cartridge onto the instrument. Gently... GENTLY, YOU IDIOT!” -C, to himself

“... goddamned hula shirt.” -Q

“The person who wrote the article needs to be taken in the back and have their writing license revoked. And then shot. And then never be allowed to touch a keyboard again. And then have their hands chopped off.” -Gordon

“They got Bowzer next to Barbi Benton, the lucky son of a bitch.” -C

“Here's what gets me every time I see the trailer for the Cats movie...these are all successful actors. Like...nobody in this movie actually needs to do this.” -Lana

“I made Chico donate $24 to Extra Life.” -Gordon

“You guys are compact cars like I’m a gay, wasted white girl.” -Q

“HQ is like the divorced dad with a much younger, hippy dippy, girlfriend-- and the kids don't want to visit.” -Amberlee

“Suck down your coffee like you own it!” -Hollie

“DRUM SOLO!!!” -Weird Al

“You know when you’re a podcaster you need a good vocabulary. I did always have one. When I was young I mixed up Jacuzzi and Yakuza. And for a while I was in hot water with the Japanese mafia.” -Brian

“It’s game of thrones, but I’m much less Jon Snow and much more Johnny Mudstorm.” -Gordon

“Skype is being a ho.” -Jason

“It's a less-sensitive Soul Man, in a time we need no such shit.” -Klauss

“I thought you were gonna get a room.” -Chapel Hill Phil “I thought you were gonna mind your business.” -Chico “.... that’s fair.” -CHP

“For those of you who are upset about being single on Valentines Day, remember this... 99% of my socks are single but you don’t see them crying about it!” -Connor

“They are selling CBD oil at Bed Bath and Beyond?! I’m sure that’s quality stuff. Honky, please!” -Christina

“She is twisted. If she swallowed a nail, she’d shit out a corkscrew.” -Q

“Oh Taylor Swift. Patron saint of Pride Month. Thank God for straight white girls.” -Michael

“Apollo’s Chariot: “I’m the biggest baddest hypercoaster on the eastern seaboard.” Intimidator 305: “... Bless your heart.” Fury: “Both of you can hold my sweet tea.”” -C

“I don't know you and I sure as heck don't know your sister.” -Klaussie

“Nothing makes you stronger than having no choice in the matter. You’re strong because you have to be.” -Christina’s dad

“Apparently people have mistaken my professional courtesy with genuine interest.” -Michael

“Jon Bauman, you dingleberry!” -Chico a la James May

“Bad enough it’s Scott but it’s Comic Sans, so that makes it even worse.” -Nick “Gentlemen... start your whacking!” -Cyndi “PHRASING!” -Jay, Chico, JVG

“As Robert Downey Jr. once said...” -Cindy

“Whenever I see a married couple with a joint Facebook page, I never, ever have any thought other than "I wonder which one of 'em cheated."” -Adam

“Why is Dan Orlovsky talking football and why should I take anything Safetyman says seriously?” -Cyndi

“Okay, you're a billionaire and can easily afford top-of-the-line call girls at $5,000 to $10,000 an hour and you go to a sleazy massage parlor where the women smell like lavender and shame (so I've heard).” -Steve

“My floor is occupied with eggs.” -Gordon

“Quis, your thing is making noise. Can you make it... not make noise?” -C

“I’ve been waiting at the phone for 29 years hoping someone can win this cruise!” -Klaussie

“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food. #WelcomeBackToLeague #BowlerCityThievery #CheckingTheCamerasAfterLeague.” -Gordon

“I'm proud to say I only cried five times. Admittedly, once was during the opening credits...” -Prof. O

“Phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Okay, the shirt I was wearing when Liza gave me a slimy hug...I wanted to keep wearing it but I also loved the way the slime stains looked on it, so I waited six weeks to wash it so the slime stains would be totally set in. I just did laundry and there’s not a slime stain to be found anywhere on this shirt. On the one hand, mildly disappointed, but on the other hand, holy crap, Tide just made a customer for life out of me.” -Adam

"Really, you don't go back to the crazy ex-girlfriend. You leave her in the insane asylum." -Rafael Siegel, former Cash Show host

“Don't slap Charlotte in her boobs, you're just making her ANGRY!” -Brian

“Is it bigger than a Bird Box?” -Adam Nedeff’s take on What’s My Line?/Bird Box

“That song Birthday Sex is depressing when it’s your birthday and you have no sex.” -Red

“Politics politics politics Sean Spicer politics politics politics DWTS politics politics politics shimmy shimmy shimmy politics politics politics *tea sip*” -Kimberly

“We may need to add Brie Larson to the "How big is Batista's dick?" question list.” -Dane

“Chico and I not only know that we;re going to Hell, we requested a nice suite, complete with kitchen, spa and bidet, Aaron is coming also. We should have room in the suite for more if you want to join us.” -Gordon

“If Bill Cosby is telling you to get out, get out. Else, you'll get a dinner drink with a special surprise.” -Klauss

“Hey, what’s coming out this May?” -Q “(Incoherent slurring)” -C “Really? Who’s in it?” -Q “Ryan Reynolds, I dunno.” -C

“I feel like Neville Longbottom with a remembrall.” -Amberlee

“Comically oversized shit sells. It's America, bigger is better.” -Jessica

“You’ve heard of salt in a wound or lemon juice on a paper cut... but have you heard of Oxi Clean powder on a fingernail you cut too short? Pro tip: avoid that.” -Coby

“I have an idea.” -Q “OH NO!!!! NOT AN IDEA!!!!” -C

“Truck contains political promises.” -actual septic truck

“Uhh... framing?” -C

“It’s very easy to get friends on these apps if you say you’re a hot chick.” -Gordon

“Woodstock 50 cancelled after organizers determined they can’t make it as hilarious as Fyre Fest.” -Adam

“Age and wisdom divorced decades ago. Stupid people get old too.” -Austin

“They put some extra claps in this.” -C, re: CS2019 theme

“I hope she’s dreaming the biggest, bestest dreams... and I hope she never stops.” -Kathleen, on her new little girl.

“You think it’s awkward buying condoms, try returning them!” -Q

“If Mississippi State wins the Outback Bowl, we all get free Bloomin' Onions. If Iowa wins, we all get free Coconut Shrimp. If that's not reason enough to root for Iowa, I don't know what to tell you.” -Matty

“Full hearts, full stomachs, can’t poop.” -Evil Travis

“That's it. Officially referring to my boobs as my "small turkeys".” -LiyaZee

“More phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Tried watching pre-debate coverage, but the phrase "brutal Darwinian logic of winnowing" sent me back to Press Your Luck.” -Heather

“...if we hold up a painting of Hurricane Dorian, will it die?” -Amberlee

“Hey Cindy... you married that.” -C

“Literatively? Okay.” -Gordon

“I plan on going with Chef from South Park's line on that one -- "There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college."” - Kristin, on “Break Up With Your Girlfriend (Because I’m Bored)”

“Allegiant Stadium. Much like the Raiders... A WORK IN PROGRESS.” -C

“Nobody could sing like Milli Vanilli… But let’s be fair neither could they.” -Brian

“Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH!” -Nedeff’s lyrics to the love theme from “Strike It Richl by Hal Hidey

“In God we trust, all others must provide research-based, peer-reviewed data.” -Aryn

“Go-gurt™: because fuck spoons and decency.” -Sarah Ann

“Like I said ESPN is to the Patriots what FOX News is to the Republican Party.” -Greg

“That is like walking hepatitis.” -Tim DeLaGhetto

“Will there be any trivia questions on your trivia question show?” -Erskine

“I’m a journalism major, so I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” -BFG

“That’s Right is the Adam Gase of trivia apps.” -Greg

“And yes, Bill Maher does in fact molest collies, and goats...and sheep...and Chicago Bears. 😜” -JVG

“In the words of my dear uncle Paul, ‘Google it, bitch! I’m not here to educate you!’” -Nikki

“You know what they call the guy who graduates last in medical school?” -Megan “A doctor!” -C

“You can never win an argument with an idiot or an asshole. Idiots don’t know they’re wrong, and assholes won’t even consider the possibility that they could be wrong. You can’t help it if you’re an idiot sometimes, but don’t be an asshole. Just something to think about going into 2019.” -Clint

“No Ganos is good Ganos with Graham Gano.” -Tim

“Enough loonies to fill up the Bank of Montreal.” -Klauss

“In the age of auto correct no less, it makes me shudder when I see the leader of the free world making fifth grade grammar mistakes.” -Q

“You look like who did it and why.” -Mary

“Ow, my check! ... I mean, ow, my neck!” -Big Rick

“This woman on Wheel of Fortune has two grandchildren named Kennedy and Nixon, and I have questions.” -Melanie

“You’re the President of the United States and getting dragged by fucking Burger King. It’s just... wonderful.” -Shannon

“Classy, Like a White House Big Mac.” -Actual team trivia name

“Sex is a mistake 9 out of 10 times.” -Michael

“Who signs the cat?” -Carl

“This feels like an SNL sketch. Where’s Bill Hader?” -Greg

“Yeah! And uh...I played HQ with one of them in a hotel room. Wait, that sounds creepy.” -BFG “More than that. (No, THAT sounds creepy.) You have played online trivia with one of them. Surely you ran into or at least saw others in Vegas.” -Klaussie

the subject: The Jeopardy! All-Stars

“Step 1: Go to McDonald's. Step 2: Order a Shamrock Shake. There, now you don't have to read the article.” -Prof. O via Evil Travis. The question: “How to order a Shamrock Shake.”

Lunch lady: “Hey Dino! Get me a grape soda! I’m thirsty!” C, after an insane amount of giggling: “You said it, not me.”

“Some bitch decided she wanted to be a bitch.” -C

AP headline on Twitter: "Tim Tebow struggling in Triple-A; still a work in progress." GSNN: "Funny -- so was 'Million Dollar Mile'."

“The Bosa brothers = MAGA Gronk. Don't @ me.” -Klauss

“... BASSOON SOLO!!!!!” -Weird Al

Greg: “Crying Game Cereal. A surprise in every box.” (Everyone dies for, like, five minutes) Chico: “... I’m going to HQ.... YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH!”

“Aunt Becky has some stupid kids.” -Austin Rogers

“I wanna be 21 again and ruin my life differently... I have new ideas.” -Sarah Pribis

“Mannnn listen!! It's time to just throw the whole R. Kelly away!!” -Bruce

“By the time all is said and done, I will have been awake for 24 hours.” -C “Rookie.” -G

“Instead of airing new LI episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug

“Well they went over as well as a ham sandwich at a kosher deli.” -Q

“Drop it and get out of here!” -Carl’s boss

“The call is coming from inside the wheelhouse.” -Ullsperger

“I am the Marquis de Asshole.” -Gordon

“Elizabeth Banks’ ass is America’s ass.” -C, with apologies to Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, and Bill Carruthers

“Don't have an iPhone or iPad? Maybe you can beg at the boots of your betters, proletariat scum!” -Megan

“Tom Brady and Bob Kraft shaking hands and whispering into each other’s ear... ‘Hail Hydra’.” -C

Jason (discussing the Masked Singer): “The Hippo was ANTONIOOOOOOOO Brown!” Brian H: So THAT'S how the Madden Curse happened this year.

“Manish Mehta is on 92.3 The Fan right now. My first thought after hearing him for 5 seconds: He sounds like Aziz Ansari as The Bookworm on that SNL GSN show parody a few years ago.” -Klaussie

“Look at me, I’m Sandra Bullock.” -Nick

"That's Britain for you. Tea solves everything. You're a bit cold? Tea. Your boyfriend has just left you? Tea. Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt? TEA DAMMIT!" — LiveJournal user jslayeruk

“Temporary emotions lead to permanent mistakes!” -C

“Tuesday night wasn’t just biscuits. Roy Williams went ahead and got the dirty rice to go with it.” -Adam Lucas after Carolina made State humble, 113-96

“Shaka... when the paywalls fell.” -Kevin

“Barbi Benton... ROLL TIDE!” -Greg

“I love when you ask for recommendations for establishments, services, recipes, products, etc., and people respond with, "Did you Google it?" Like, Thanks, Karen! I hadn't thought to use the easily-accessible, number one search engine in the world before! I'm totally not looking for recommendations based on actual experience from personal friends who will give me honest feedback, so I'm glad you directed me to Google!” -Cindy

SWSNBN: “Can your cover for me while I eat my sandwich?” C: “Go eat your sandwich.” SWSNBN: “I’ve got nothing going on.” C: “You’ve doomed us all. Go eat your sandwich.”

“If life gives you lemons remember: life was very honest about how many people it'd been with.” -Austin

“Two hours after lunch is still after lunch! BOOK SAY SO!” -C

“Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right, three rights make a left, and I’m Kyle Serra, quiz responsibly.” -Kyle

Q: “The answer fell into the pizza!” C: “Well now not only is it correct, it’s delicious.”

“Tom Brady just got the sixth stone. Half the NFL is about to vanish.” -Nikki

“I’m Max Essodus and I’m leaving!” -Klauss

“Chuck Todd is a bowl of Jello with a bad goatee and a shitty hair cut.” - @PhillyLocalGuy

“Leonard Frey! Leonard Frey! Anytime you call, Leonard will take care of you! Winter, Spring and Fall!” -Chico

“I THINK I’M BREAKING EVERY FCC RULE IN THE BOOK!” -Kevin Harlan calling two NFL games at the same time

“Horrible news to report, Baby Yoda has died after Myles Garrett beat the shit out of him with a helmet.” -Barry McCockiner

“The Yankees are like Roman Reigns: they’re good, everybody still hates them, and they always kick out of your finisher shm” -Mike Janela

“My nightmare is being stuck working for a guy that looks like Chris Cillizza” -@ChadShartman

“Mel Gibson/Rothschild casting is most inspired decision since Richard Spencer was chosen to write the screenplay for the new Frederick Douglas parody bio pic.” – Josh Marshall

“OOOOH! A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY!” - Chris Jericho

“Minecraft? HELL NO!” -Amberlee at RewardTheFan on Minecraft RewardTheFan

“109876543210, Happy New Year!” – Kyle @ Trivia Crack

“LYDIA CORNELL IS NOT A BIMBO!” -Mike

Tony Stark: “Hey, you said one out of fourteen million, we'd win, yeah? Tell me this is it.” Doctor Strange: “If I tell you what happens, it won't happen.”

America, let me just tell you something, do not commit crimes with checks.” –Charles Barkley

“I bet George Halas and Pop Warner are up there now coaching Angels in the Heaven Bowl.” –Cord Hosenbeck

“The director saw Green Book and was inspired to make a bigger disaster of a movie about race.” –From the IMDb Trivia Page for Loqueesha

“Drew Brees and Harry Styles fighting over a Pepsi is Peak 2010s.” -Chico

“The aging app? I didn’t know there was an app that helped Mike Maccagnan make his freaking draft picks!!!” -@DAitken90

“For all the notes and stats FOX gave out, they missed that this was the very first post-season game in history where two wife-beater closers gave up two-run home runs in the 9th.” -Ken Levine

Chico: “Man, Bowzer ruined this!” Mike: “Just like the second half of the show Bowzer ruined this!”

“Amazon Suggestion for David Pecker: Because you considered “Blackmailing the Richest Man Who Ever Lived,” we recommend you “Get an Orange Jumpsuit.” –Stephen Colbert

“When in doubt, choose Helium!” –Megan

“They should make a Mistress Pac-Man. Ghosts chasin’ her around the apartment Pac-Man rents for her, eatin’ all the strawberries and chocolates he sends and whatnot. Then the last level Ms. Pac-Man is after her ass like “Oh HELL no that’s MY round yellow man!!!” –George Wallace

“God is a woman and her name is Hailee Steinfeld” -@dakotalanthimos

“I stopped by the Statue of Liberty today, thinking about freedom, and the ability to go for it all.” –Bill Walton at the Pac-12 Tournament in Las Vegas talking about being at the NY-NY Casino

“today marks LaGuardia Airport’s first positive contribution to America.” –Jack Holmes on the end of the Late 2018-Early 2019 Government Shutdown

“BEAT THAT GHOST DICK!” -Matt Richards

Greg: “What if the Monster on The Masked Singer is Michael Cohen?” Mike: “If it is that will almost guarantee there won’t be a second season of The Masked Singer.”

“Roger Clemens tried to smash Mike Piazza’s head with a baseball bat and was still less of an asshole than Curt Schilling.” -@[email protected]

“I love all the diversity in Star Wars. There’s brown people and someone with a Boston accent” -Dani Fernandez

“I don’t care that Brock Lesnar won Money In The Bank, I want to know if Brett Somers won Money In The (BLANK)” -Mike

“Woodrow Wilson even with a stroke was sharper than Donald Trump is today.” –David Frum

“THE JABRONI OF THE JABRONI MOVIE FOR THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDE JABRONI NEED TO HAVE THE MOST EXCELLENT LEADING HEAL TO MAKE THE IRON SHEIK LOOK LIKE THE LEGEND. PROBLEM NOBODY HEAL ENOUGH TO BE THE LEGEND. THIS WAY ONLY PERSON THAT TAKE THE CHRIS HEMSWORTHLESS LOOK LIKE HE THE REAL BABYFACE IS THE LEGEND IRON SHEIK. OTHERWISE THIS MOVIE WORSE THAN THE NOTEBOOK AND WORSE THEN THE JABRONI BETTE MIDLER BEACHES” –The Iron Sheik

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass!” - Scott Lang “That is America’s Ass.” - Steve Rogers “America’s Ass? Are you talking about Tom Villard?” - Mike

“Oh Jesus, it’s Jimmie Walker’s turn!” –Chico

“Where’s the Robert Kraft spa video? I’d rather watch a video of my own funeral.” –Gerard Mulligan

“So, does Jeff Zucker have to completely cause CNN to lose money and get devalued so badly it gets bought out by Comcast for him to replace Vince Russo as “worst Turner Broadcasting hire ever?” -Dane

“I was just researching Mark Russell as a "Whatever happened to...?" He's still alive.” –Matt Jones

“And all of ESPN and FS1’s morning shows are just the worst. People who watch them actually come away dumber for doing so. I don’t understand the appeal of watching idiots on either network yell biased opinions at each other...many of which are lacking context or facts beyond what they see on a caption of a social media post. It’s like going to a comment section and watching arguments.” -Dylan White on the Awful Annoucing Facebook comments section

“Hunter, Kiss my ass.” –Dave Bautista

“The fact that the CEO of twitter can have his account hacked is a blinding indictment of twitter’s security policies. The fact that no one could tell the difference is a blinding indictment of jack himself.” -@ChrisSmith_RSB

“I don’t know anybody who loves or even likes Trey Wingo.” -@SlicedBrett

“A Madea Star Wars” must now be a thing…” –Amberlee

“People are like "the New York Post is bad for that cover, subscribe to the Daily News instead!" as if the Daily News didn't run a screencap of a woman being murdered on it a few years back. They're both pure trash. Neither are better.” -Craig Calcaterra

“Tim Burton’s Dumbo brings out Michael Buffer TWICE to say “Let’s get rrready…for Dumbo!” and I laugh again every time I think about it.” –Ken Jennings

“Who the hell is Dr. Lee Franz?” –Jason H.

“I was in the theater and that moment was revealed and the audience was “OOOOH!” and I just was laughing so hard!” –Ron Burgundy remembering the ending of “The Crying Game”

“Ladies and Gentleman… whatever legitimacy pro wrestling has left literally crawled under the ring.” –Chico critiquing the workrate of Colin Jost

“BANODLES, ARE YOU READY TO GO SHOPPING, YOU SON OF A BITCH?” -MIKE

“Can y'all imagine if the Gremlins and Jason Vorhees both attacked at the same time that would be some difficult shit to deal with anyway talk to you later” -George Wallace

“Trump getting impeached over the Ukraine is a little like Scorsese getting the Oscar for The Departed, but hey recognition is recognition.” -John Ross Bowie

“Alex Trebek is a fixture in the American firmament and we're all behind him. What a great man, so kind to my family and so warm to all of us contestants. Send him your love.” -Austin Rogers

“Rather than bore you with my expansive knowledge of British politics, allow me to comment on more pressing matters: drunken Chris Jericho getting his belt stolen” -Mike Tunison (@xmasape)

“Only ESPN would do a feature on Robert Kraft taking former players to Jerusalem — while he awaits trial for soliciting prostitution in a sex trafficking ring.” -@willgcopeland

“Looking forward to the “In Memory of Jim Cornette’s Career” graphic that will be starting Dynamite.” - Trevor Dame

“Tom Steyer sounds like a guy who airs MLK and Columbus Day ads, where you can get a new Mustang or Fusion for up to $6,000 off MSRP” - BFG

“Eh, what’s her name? Her name Barry Lonson. She’s in da, she won Oscar for the movie “Stuck In The Basement”. Also, she’s in the movie “Kink Kong: He Got Love With Her” but how he make sex with her, she’s young, she’s small and he big. I don’t know?” -Yehya reviewing Captain Marvel

“To this day nobody knows who Ann Risley is.” -Chico

“Heartbreaking: there is apparently no video I can find of this moment, where a robot named "Mr. Scraps" delivered a ball to James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek), who had just arrived in a dry-ice-and-laser-bathed Delorean to throw out the first pitch in "The Biodome". Please enjoy this real quote from the Mariners former VP of marketing: "We named the robot Mr. Scraps, because it looked like a garbage can on wheels. Not exactly what we were expecting, but it served its purpose." [email protected]

MC Cool Cloud: “No union better mess with my family!” Cloud 9 Employee in Training Video: “Oh, MC Cool Cloud, (pats stomach) you’re gonna be the best dad.” Garrett: “I’m sorry, did MC Cool Cloud just impregnate a human?” Mateo: “I think he did.” “I’m in shock, Gene. I just talked to my accountant and I found out this guy made 30 grand and I’m working for minimum scale.” -Marty Cohen on MG-HSH Episode #12 “It would be kind of weird for a person named Tammy to be played by Tim Dunigan.” -Mike

“Chico's brain only has so much memory. It's either the capital of Botswana, or something you rambled at 3AM while white-girl wasted. Only one of those nuggets of wisdom is a panty-dropper, and I think we all know which.” -Laura

“So, the audience for SNL seems to be comprised of easily offended Catholics, YouTube “influencers”, and Trump. But Lorne Michaels still thinks he shouldn’t retire? Because if I learned those people watched something I produced, I’d eschew all technology forever and go live in one of those Unabomber log cabins.” -Kevin

“Morning report: The "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd sure gets triggered easily.” -Rick Wilson

“ZIPPERS?!” -Klauss

“We’s considerin’ buddies.” -C

“Automan’s naked and wearing a belt? I don’t get this!” -Klaussie

“You were standing in his crotch!” -Anna

“I am utterly surprised there were no traces of Batman cereal yet Greg's dad made at least 2 appearances.” -Klaussie

“Next time, can you pick a gas station that ISN’T in the middle of nowhere?” -C

“Did Isaac ever deliver cold hard cash direct to your PayPal account? No!” -Greg

“Too many phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Semi-Quotable of the 2010s--Hundreds of quips enter, Adam Nedeff wins because he's funny and he has half of Hollywood under his thumb.” -Klaussie

“You’re not you when you’re thirsty.” -Q, the Double Entendre of the Year

“Nobody ever robbed a convenience store to get sugar money.” -Brandon

“If you're mad at rich peoples kids for getting special acceptance/treatment at college and you aren't mad about all the athletes that get the same thing you're a hypocrite. Ya'll leave Aunt Becky alone.” -Stephanie

“Damn it! I used too much stick.” /Ethan

“And her tights say two cents a dance.” -Kimberly

“Go home, That’s Right. You’re clearly on meth.” -Evil Travis

“I paid $700 for THAT?!” -Klaussie

“Florida is now under a Jim Cantore watch.” -Braden

“Good Brother, but Bad Mother!” -Gordon

“Dude. Even Nike hates Duke!” -D

“For 15 points, Will Smith’s arrogant cousin Hillary appeared in an episode of NBC’s hit sitcom Blossom. Another episode of blossom featured Don Novello playing the role of Father Guido Sarducci, and Father Guido Sarducci also popped up on an episode of Married...With children. Stay with me here. David Faustino’s character Bud Bundy also popped up all the Fox network sitcom Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. In another episode of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, Parker crosses paths with grown-up Eddie Haskell, who of course,We all remember from Leave It to Beaver. His next-door neighbors, June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver were all characters in an episode of the Love Boat. Now there is this other episode of the Love Boat where all of Charlie’s Angels are on board. In an episode of Charlie’s Angels, Dan Tanna shows up from Vega$. But that’s not important right now. Remember when I said Parker Lewis had crossed paths with Eddie Haskell? Well Eddie also popped up on an episode of Hi Honey I’m Home. So did Gale Gordon‘s character Mr. Mooney, who you might remember from the Lucy Show. There’s an episode of the Lucy Show where Lucy crosses paths with Private Gomer Pyle, USMC, who, of course originally appeared on the Andy Griffith show, which was a spinoff of Make Room for Daddy. On an episode of Make Room for Daddy, Danny encounters Buddy Sorrell, one of Alan Brady’s writers on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Alan Brady later appeared on Mad About You, where Ursula was the twin sister of Phoebe from Friends, and Phoebe’s friend Chandler Bing showed up on Caroline and the City, where Caroline draws a popular comic strip that is read and enjoyed by Daphne Moon, the caretaker for Dr. Frasier Crane’s disabled father. Dr. Crane used to hang out at a Boston bar called Cheers, where Norm, Cliff, and Carla encounter Drs. Auschlander & Westphall, but on a landmark 1988 broadcast, we learn that Drs. Auschlander & Westphall never existed and that all of the shows I mentioned in this question are logically the figments of the imagination of Tommy Westphall, Who is the only character who demonstrably existed on what beloved medical drama?” -Adam

“Snapchat Catch Phrase!” -Will & Erinn

“#1800235DEAD!” -...damn near everybody

“Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners.” -Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners

“This tea is delicious.” -Kimberly === Here’s to 2019... Come together, just think of tomorrow.

0 notes