#damn my insomnia failing me again in the opposite way

[everytaylorswiftsongisaboutcats]

I fall asleep early for the first time in years and she plays MYOBHFT X TIWWCHNT

[tokoyamisstuff]

Dystychiphobia (n.) - the fear of hurting someone

Synopsis: The side-effects of the SEP program and Reaper's poor impulse control make for a very dangerous mixture.

Warnings: Angst, Cussing, Self-Loathing, Alcohol, Smut, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Dirty Talk Notes: Talon Researcher! Reader, Slow Burn, Size Difference Words: 7200, got a little carried away.

"Calm me down with your caress I'll get off while I watch you undress Maybe the sex will help me to forget A precious, transient, schizophrenic bliss

Oh, my god, you're beautiful Why do you stay with this neurotic fool?

I've lost control, please save me from myself" - IAMX: Insomnia

There it was - that damned smile again.

Reaper immediately became week-kneed at the sight, sinking down on the chair reserved only for patients at the examination room.

Admittedly, ever since you had joined Moira's research team, Reaper's obligatory visits at her laboratory became somewhat more bearable.

However, the more time passed and the two of you grew closer through the time you were required to spend together, being alone with you felt like bittersweet torture for the lonely man.

"Good morning, Reaper" you cheerfully greeted him, taking place on the office chair opposite to him. "Morning, doc."

It was a force of habit to call you by this title, though you were far away from having an actual medical carreer. Not that you had never thought about it before, but the circumstances of your life just didn't meet the requirements.

Well, one thing about Talon was that they didn't give a shit about your qualification, for as long as you'd commit your duty without question. Everyone had equal chances here if they were willing to prove - and improve - themselves.

Anyways, being adressed this way never failed to make you laugh.

"I've told you to just call me Y/N, right?" you snickered and the man slouched back in his chair, arms crossed.

Fucking adorable, he thought what he would never dare to voice aloud. Your voice was so balmy, he wanted it on tape - maybe listening to it he'd finally be able to find proper sleep.

It was pretty hard to know what someone's actually thinking if you can rarely ever see their face, since our expressions indicate a lot about ourselves - more than we care to reveal, most of the time. At least it was the case with you, being an open book in huge contrast to the man in front of you.

The only thing you could decipher was that while Reaper might be surrounding himself in mystery, his body language was significantly less hostile around you. However he'd always maintain his distance and keep up a defensive position, seemingly tensed.

Well, a medical examination wasn't exactly something to look forward to, so you got the idea.

Lost in his little infatuation, Reaper forgot to answer or react in any other way to keep the conversation alive. Not the first time, though, and you knew he wasn't a man of much words either way.

"We'll start with the usual, shall we? Miss O'Deorain wants me to draw your blood for a sample test." Reyes groaned quite irritated at your request, but an order was an order. "Let's just get this over with."

At least it was not Moira or some of her deranged underlings doing those silly experiments on him anymore.

The scientist's interest in Reaper had faded rather quickly ever since she was able to revive him - or however one wanted to call the atrocity she created in the progress.

Moira was quite the fickle person in general, and nothing could ever keep her entertained for long until she'd bury herself into a new 'project'.

So now that Reaper was able to keep his form and was not considered a general danger anymore, you had been assigned to work with him.

"C'mon, please" you cooed understandingly. It was the same every week, so one would think Reaper was accustomed to the necessary procedure by now - yet that didn't make it any easier for him.

The man huffed in response before he'd finally begin to disrobe his upper body, reluctant still as the heavy battle gear dropped to the floor.

"I promise I won't stare" you joked, but what a lie that was. After all, despite everything there was still quite the handsome person beneath the black leather.

His torso was covered in scars, varying in size and shape and constantly emmitting a black mist. You could practically feel a breath catch in his throat as you dared touching one, a shadowy tendril cautiously wrapping around your fingers.

"It tickles" you giggled all excited, not the slightest bit of fear or disgust present in your features.

Sometimes Reaper thought it was impossible that a person so pure and wonderful was working for the same organisation as he did.

Well, just like most here you had quite the opposite of an easy life. You chose not to talk about the past most of the time, yet once told him your loyality lies with basically anyone that was willing to pay - so you could support what's left of your family back home.

Which doesn't mean that you don't have any morality, but hard times require an even harder will if one wants to survive.

"Still the reckless one, I see" he rumbled with that deep, authoritative voice of his. Still, his former stiffened pectoral muscles now relaxed under your gentle touch and he let out a relieved breath.

"Do I have any reason not to be?" Hesistantly, you moved your hands to cup either side of his mask, removing it only after he gave you a slightly approving nod. "I trust you, Reaper."

This was not the first time that you had seen the person you almost considered a friend of yours without his trademark disguise, but it never ceased to amaze you.

Your smile wouldn't falter in the slightest as you set eyes upon his disfigured face, and you could've sworn to see just the smallest of smirks tug on the edge of his lips as well.

"Heya, handsome" you hummed as you grabbed some tools, and your words made a frown appear on his face, baring his teeth almost as if snarling at you. "Not funny."

"Wasn't meant as a joke" you objected, beginning to examine before he could make sense out of it. "Seems like your hair is still able to grow. I didn't know you had locks!" you noted, letting a hand run through his hair which made him sigh pleasantly.

"Shit...sorry" he mumbled in embarassment at almost moaning because of something so trivial, facing the ground and wishing to be swallowed by it.

But you'd simply wave it off with a bright, lopsided smirk as you continued to massage his scalp slightly with your nails, and he'd lean into your thoughtful touch without second thought.

If only you knew how much even those small gestures of yours meant to him...

"With all the things I am bothering you with every week, I think you deserve a small reward." And he'd soak in every little ounce of affection in like a dry sponge, drowning in the sound of you chanting happily - only until he took ahold of your wrist, voluntarily stopping this rare bliss.

You understood immediately, turning to type something on your computer then acting like nothing happened.

"Pulse 213." A little fast even for his standarts, probably due to your presence. But he'd be damned and confess this just to correct some silly data. Ever since the SEP his heartrate was already faster than that of a normal being to begin with, but now with his enhanced metabolism it usually stayed above 180 most of the time.

"Breathing normal." Actually, it was not necessary for him to breathe anymore, let alone eat or sleep, for his cells would decompose and regenerate at such a high rate, it made all traditional forms of external ressources obsolete. Though he continued doing so, in order to feel at least remotely human.

Reaper's physique worked somewhat parasitic, for his energy income would be maintained solely by draining it out of other living beings.

Talon would provide for lifestock or lab-animals whenever there was a longer period without any fights. Luckily, depending on the quality and quantity of the according victims, he could keep his solid form upright for several weeks.

While he certainly stared you down right now, you knew he meant no harm - that was just his default expression, you think, And you were also deeply buried in thought yourself, before you proudly declared "You've sure come a long way ever since the incident, Gabe."

The name slipped out faster than your mind could catch up on the mistake, and though you meant it as a compliment you caught yourself fearing his reaction...

...however, asides from a clearly puzzled look on his face, he remained silent.

"I-I...we're almost done, Reaper" you blurted out, correcting yourself before he could say something that would make you even more embarassed.

So you quickly drew some necessary blood, the bottle labeled 'Subject 666' reminding you harshly of Moira's lecture. Never adress them by their names, the less you involve with them the better.

See them as nothing but objects, otherwise it will eat you alive.

The red liquid steadily turned into a thin black mist and back, certainly intriguing to watch. Anyways, you'd stay quiet about it, knowing your fascination for Reaper's constitution was quite unsettling for the man itself.

Now to the usual questions - which you dreaded most, to be perfectly honest.

"Last week I gave you an injection." You shifted nervously in your seat, the chair creaking a little as it cut through the silence. "Any new symptoms since then? And most importantly: What about the pain?"

Every single time you were almost ashamed to ask - and just as you expected, Reaper didn't exactly look pleased. "You know the answer already, doc."

It seriously was a miracle how anyone could endure this kind of torture for so long without succumbing to madness - but even if he'd lose the will to continue, there was no way to end his existence in this state of neither life nor death.

And still, he sat across from you all calm and collected, though suffering silently - collapsing on the inside, where he had to die countless deaths over and over again.

Obviously, Talon was not interested in turning their most deadliest agent back to normal. However, you had lately achieved to convince them to give you the financial ressources needed to at least try and improve his current condition, promising him to become even more efficient afterwards.

"It hurts." His voice was cracking and laced with pain, bordering on the audibe and it scattered your heart into a thousand pieces.

The least you could do was continue to work until you'd be able to give that man some hope.

"I know" you whispered, placing a hand on his knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm there, and I'll do what I can to find a cure. I promise."

Reaper let out an almost inaudible sob before pulling away from you, burying his face in his hands before rubbing it frantically to become clear-headed again.

"I don't need your pity" he suddenly gritted, a menacing glare shooting over to you as he tore the mask away from the counter and put it on once again. "And I'm not your pet."

You closed your eyes and released a sharp breath to ground yourself, since you didn't want to say anything imprudent. "No, you're my friend. But I'm sorry if it ever appeared otherwise."

Shocked with himself and his demeanour towards you, Reyes shot up from the seat and uttered an apology as he rushed towards the door.

"It's okay, really." Yet the way you'd treat him with nothing but sympathy and care would only further feed the anger and loathing directed at no one else but himself. "See you next week?"

"Yeah" Reyes spoke in a raspy, distorted voice, already dissolving into his wraith form, almost fleeing from you as quick as possible. "I'm grateful, doc...for everything."

___

The way back to his quarters felt like a walk of shame, one that felt agonizingly long since he was now all along with his thoughts once again.

Everyone he would pass in in the hallways would fall silent and immediately duck down, remaining bowed down and with their heads hung low in respect and fear - hoping to be spared by the eldritch horror's rage.

As soon as Reaper arrived, he'd slam the door shut and let out a horrifying roar that made anyone in the hallway closeby shudder in fear.

Things were like this every week with you, and would end up just the same.

Gabriel Reyes had been the epitome of toxic masculinity - a person to never let his true, inward emotions slip that easily. It was just not how he was raised, in a strict household and as a soldier. He was expected to build a brick wall around anything that could even remotely make him seem weak - suppress instead of process was the mantra.

And while due to this he certainly already had poor anger management issues before, his transformation towards this thing they called Reaper would only amplify his erratic nature.

Right now, he felt conflicted - both pathetic and also so incredibly safe whenever he was close to you.

There was no judgement, no expected role to play for him. You had glanced right behind the facade and still chose to enjoy his company.

Slowly opening up, he realized how effortlessly you could silence the voice inside of his head, how your touch would replace his pain with pure pleasure without even trying.

Deep inside of him a longing had awoken, one he thought to have killed a long time ago - buried along with everything else that chained him to his old life.

A fist of his subconsciously made it's way towards the nearby wall, the impact strong enough to make the hardened steel yield under the force. When he opened his tear-stained eyes again, he realized that his shadow had spread through the whole room, demolishing everything in it's path.

So he could indeed still cry, huh.

Defeated, he fell down to his knees, in midst of the wake of destruction.

No. It could never be. Shouldn't be. This was a line he shall not cross.

As if you could ever think of him as something else than a broken abomination - and even if you'd be crazy enough to actually reciprocate his feelings, being around him would only put you in harm's way.

While he certainly would never direct his wrath towards you, the responsibility of being the moral support of a literal monster was simply too much to bear.

You were so full of light, and Reaper felt drawn to you like a moth that had always involuntarily found itself surrounded by darkness. He'd become addicted, take and take and take from you without anything to give in return - then failing you, eventually.

He must never give in to this desire, for your own sake.

Knowing you safe and being able to be graced with your presence once in a while was more enough - and more than he deserved.

Reyes let himself fall backwards onto his bed, the mattress squeaking under his weight. His mind wandered back and forth to the genuine way you were smiling at him, how your eyes were shining with sheer admiration as if he wasn't a goddamn freak.

The thoughts got stuck on reminiscing the sensation of your touch against his skin, now turning into a burning need that spread throughout his whole body.

"Shit..." he muttered between gritted teeth, palming his erection through his pants. "Y/N, what are you doing to me..."

Before he even realized, Reyes had already discarded his clothes, tossing them away to the ground before plummeting down to the bed once again.

Desperate for some relief, he grabbed his cock and pressed his thumb to the tip, precum already leaking out of it. His eyes would remain closed as he imagined what you'd look like bend over your office desk, presenting the view of what's under that sinfully short skirt of yours.

Reyes' cock twitched in his palm at the thought of rubbing against your folds, what it'd be like if you'd grind against him with that perfect ass of yours.

He began stroking himself at the same time he pictured himself pushing into you, the mental sound of your moans vivid in his head as his pace began to speed up.

Taking the shirt of his that still had your scent of your perfume linger on it, he inhaled deeply before letting out an animalistic groan. Oh, he couldn't put in words just how much he craved to explore every single inch of your body and giving you pleasure no man before him ever could.

His toes curled, his free hand digging into the sheet as the memory of your smile flashed in front of his inner eye, leading him over the edge. Reaper came with a loud shout of your name, his seed spread across his stomach and wavering chest.

It didn't take long to come down from that brief high, all that's left for him now being to curl up under the blankets and claw into a pillow, harshly reminded of the empty bedplace next to him.

Not being able to feel you right now was more torture than his state of being ever could.

___

Asides from the weekly examination and occasional briefings, you and Reaper never really met before - neither coincidentally, nor planned.

You were way too shy to suggest it yourself, and much to your frustration the man just didn't seem to notice your subtle hints and ask you himself.

Yeah, it's not exactly professional to crush on a patient, but you people at Talon were basically villains so fuck the rules, right?

Maybe you were just imagining him reciprocating your feelings and he was plainly not interested, though. Completely understandable, since that man was basically married to his work.

But he could at least properly reject you instead of tiptoeing around you like that.

Today would be an exception however, since Talon would conduct their annual celebration - yes, as odd as it sounds, even an evil organisation made efforts to please their workers.

Sadly, Reaper had been on a mission during your latest appointment, so you weren't able to collect all of your courage and ask him out like you had planned. But at least you heared rumors that he'd attend as well, so even though you were usually not a fan of such trivialities, you thought it was worth to take the shot.

Now here you were, sitting at the shabby make-shift bar and sipping on your third alcoholic beverage in order to loosen up. Still no sign of him, and your patience slowly but steadily grew thinner as you realized how ridiculous you behaved.

Deciding to leave after you finished small-talk with some coworkers of Moira's lab, you emptied your glass in one gulp and let out a small sigh before getting up.

You were almost at the exit when suddenly, an all too familiar figure stepped inside, the unexpected sight making your breath hitch in your throat.

Both of you froze simultaneously, black holes of his mask staring back at you as the tall man towered wordlessly in front of you. His massive frame was almost completely blocking the door, and the people waiting to enter behind him knew better than to speak up.

Reaper had dressed himself in an all-black suit for a change, modified so it would still have a hood and gloves. The long coat he wore above it reminded you of his usual cloak, yet it was made out of silk instead of hardened leather.

"I- umm...hi" you stuttered, unlike your usual bubbly self Reyes knew from the laboratory. Opening and closing your mouth in several attempts to find the right words, you shook your head in defeat and grabbed his wrist out of a whim. "Come, we're blocking the entrance."

There was still not a sound from his side, and you sheepishly tried avoiding to look right at him even though his face was hidden behind the usual mask. Good for him, though, because like this you couldn't see how his gaze stuck on that cleavage of yours more often than not.

"Shit" was the only thing his baffled mind could come up with right now - though he had prayed to see you again, the rational part of his brain knew it was no good to run into you tonight. And now you were standing so close, with a dress whose fabric was hugging every single one of your curves so damn well.

It was hard enough to contain himself during the appointments, all alone with you in a soundproof room and with you always wearing those way too inappropriate clothes underneath your lab coat...

...but this was just too much for him to bear.

"You look...fine." His first sentence tonight was just that, unable to string together any more words than that and mentally facepalming at himself for having become such a socially awkward mess.

You were sheer magnificent and he was both awestruck and astonished - but god forbid that he ever not fucked up every single time the two of you would meet.

Of course you wouldn't mind, instead your face lighted up in excitement that your outfit had succeeded it's purpose of him acknowledging you. "Thank you very much! You also look as good as always - for someone who just returned from a mission, I mean."

Jittery beyond belief that you could finally be close to Reaper in a different setting than the medical office, you shifted your weight from one leg to another before suggesting "Do you want to, I don't know...get some drinks?"

Funny thing to say, considering he wouldn't take his mask off in public any time soon. "Or dance? Whatever? Anything?"

Seems like he wasn't the only lovestruck fool in here, though you highly doubted he'd interpret your clumsy attitude the right way.

"Aren't you with someone?" You could've sworn that sometimes you could exactly picture what kind of face he'd make behind the mask, and right now he probably rose a suspecting eyebrow at you.

It was hard to imagine that such a beautiful and kind woman would attend a party like this without suitors. You were so refreshingly...normal for a Talon member. One of the few that weren't completely inhumane, selfish or straight up psychotic maniacs.

"Not really" you chuckled, rubbing the back of your head as you remembered just how many invitations for tonight you declined. "But I wouldn't mind some company if it's you."

Reaper's good intentions ceased with every minute passing by, mind flooded by possible scenarios of the things he wished to do to you - for you.

Countless times he had made up excuses to leave your sessions early, since the sheer sight of you was enough to urge himself to do something unspeakable. The only thing keeping him from losing himself and just give in to those inferior instincts until now was his concern for your safety...

...because only his affection for you could outmatch even the maddening yearning achieved through a lifetime in solitude.

Whenever Reyes became emotionally instable, he tended to outbursts that would not differentiate between friend or foe, only afterwards being aware for the wake of destruction he left behind...

...so who knew what might happen if he'd let those intense feelings for you take over.

No matter what kind of person Reaper wished to be, it was impossible to escape his own skin.

He was a ticking bomb, ready to destroy everything and everyone around him at any time like so often before - and he certainly wouldn't take any risks.

"Hello, anyone there?" Waving a hand in front of his face, you metaphorically heared the gears in his head turning.

"I'm afraid I have to attend an emergency meeting." As if you'd ever believe some cheap excuse like that, yet there weren't many options to decline your generous offer.

Unwilling to let him leave you alone for the umpteenth time, you stormed after him into the empty hallway and held onto his cloak, effectively making him stop. Reaper harrumphed angrily as he turned around, just for his heart to sink into his stomach as he saw tears dwell in your eyes - built up over time via all this uncertainty.

"Did I do something wrong?" Your voice was small and clearly on the verge of crying, and Reaper would slack his shoulders in defeat. "No."

"Then why do you avoid me like I'm the goddamn pest?" You exclaimed, lip trembling before letting out a weak sob - yet refusing to break out in tears to keep at least a fraction of your dignity.

"Y/N, you're drunk." That was as far away from an answer you wanted to hear as humanly possible, only further feeding your frustration.

"I won't leave you alone until I got a proper explanation!" you snapped back at him, not caring about how pathetic and obtrusive you might be behaving at that moment, or who else might hear you right now. "Reaper, I beg of you...just tell me straight up if you can't stand me and I'll leave you alone."

Maybe it would be for the better to just lie and affirm your theory - but he just couldn't do it.

"Reaper, please..." you sniveled, and he wouldn't pull away when you put one hand onto his mask. "Just give me a reason. I like you very, very much, so...please don't shut me out."

Feeling bold - and probably still influenced by the wine still in your system - you wrapped your arms around the man, pressing yourself against him gentle yet demanding.

Reaper instantly felt his already boiling blood wander to his nether regions at the sudden proximity, lends prickling with lust as the embrace made your breasts press against his abdomen, almost inviting him to an unwise decision.

Goddamnit, why didn't he have any better self-control?!

Overwhelmed, there was nothing left for him than to ultimatively push you away, cussing inaudible curses under his breath. Concerned for the seemingly distraught man, you went a few steps towards him again - yet he signalized you to stay back. "I-I'm sorry, I thought-"

"Touch me again, and I'll kill you."

With those words he fled the scenario, and every syllable of them shot a bullet through your already aching heart.

Hearing your broken whimpers, the reality crept onto Reaper...

...he had succeeded in keeping you safe, even if it costed him the only joy left in his ridiculous existence.

___

Ever since that night, Reaper would cut you out of his life completely afterwards, without ever resolving whatever was the initial issue.

At the very next morning already he had demanded for another researcher to be assigned to him, much to your sadness replacing you just like that and taking the only remaining possible contact away from you.

It was evident that he purposefully destroyed any kind of connection between the two of you, yet the fact that you still couldn't make sense out of his drastic change of behavior was more than unsatisfying to you.

In the end, after several weeks had passed without any sign of life from your former friend and patient, you decided to take things into your own hands.

Reaper on the other hand had fallen into a downwards spiral ever since your weekly meetings - the only thing he had looked forwards to until now - had fallen apart as well.

The fact that you were save the farther he was away from you wasn't really as satisfying as he thought it would be.

His heart was clenching painfully again as he emptied yet another bottle of cheap whiskey - a deed that did not influence his biology in the slightest, but at least the familiar burning on his tongue was sort of a comfort.

And then, a soft knock on his door made him snap out of his self-caused misery.

As forlorn as he was in the moment, he didn't spent much thought about who could be behind that door as the second knock was a little more demanding. Probably an emergency, and he had forgotten to turn on his cellphone...

...yet when it was in fact you who was standing in his doorframe, he almost choked on nothingness at the sight.

You immediately leaped inside before he could slam the door into your face again, gasping as you saw the desolate state of his home. Turning towards the man, who was currently only wearing a jogging suit, he quickly pull the hood over his face.

Still, you could clearly see the even darker than usual circles under his eyes, along with a scruffy beard he didn't care enough to maintain.

"Reaper..." You had no clue what exactly was going on, but seeing him like this hurt nonetheless. Actually, you had prepared to toss all sorts of accusations into his face, to tell him just how sad and confused he had left you ever since then...

...but now, realizing just how much he was suffering himself made your anger for him disappear into thin air.

"What do you want?" he scoffed as your eyes darted across the room, just to pause at the stack of empty bottles. "I-I wanted to...apologize."

Apologize? You? For what?! If anyone should feel guilty, it's him!

You truly were too good for this world...

"No need to" Reyes nonchalantly brushed it off, aimlessly trying to move a safe distance away from you - to no avail. "Yes, I do!"

You wanted to touch him like you'd always do - yet his earlier threat popped up in your mind so you recoiled your hand. Nevertheless, there was still that spark in your eyes he wanted to believe would appear just for him. "I think I get it now. I-I mean, I...had a crush on you."

Had. Past tense. A plain word, and yet such a huge impact.

"I totally misunderstood and thought you liked me too. If I had known the situation you were in I would've concentrated on helping you instead, but I only pressured you further. I am so, so sorry..."

"Shut up" he now growled with a voice you did not recognize, darkened irises snapping back at you. "That's enough. Are you seriously not understanding the danger you're in?!"

"R-Reaper, I don't know what you're-"

The man now took firm steps towards you, with you backing off until your body hit the wall behind. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me all this time, Y/N?!"

Now it was Reyes who had his whole body weight pressed against your much smaller one, and you could clearly feel the outlines of his erection pressing against your chest.

His hands gripped your shoulders, digging into them tightly as he harshly shook you. "I've told you to stay away from me a thousand times...but you just won't listen, do you?"

Sounding woeful like this, he also seemed to be full of remorse - not for what had been, but what he was about to do.

Oh, you think to know even the worst sides of him, huh? No. You haven't even been close to the darkest corners of his mind he wanted to protect you from all this time!

The short period of time without your guidance had only further scattered the peaces of his mind, fed his insanity and drove him farther away from the person he once was.

Right. Reyes had been so patient, restrained himself for you no matter how tempting it was to just give in. And here you were, having come back for him in spite of everything.

You were indeed too naive for your own good, always stubbornly wanting to see the good left in him.

If you were really so selfless, then maybe he should just take what he needed from you.

"Teasing me all this time, acting all innocent..." Reaper grumbled and slammed his hands against the wall on either side of your head, trapping you between his muscular arms.

His voice bordered on desperation, proof of his internal conflict. "You have no idea how often I wanted to throw you onto the next best surface and fuck you senseless until you'd beg me to stop."

Wild eyes were staring at you, softening only when a hand of his slid under the back of your shirt, the contact raising goosebumps on your skin. He cradled you against him now, his palm still resting between your shoulder blades.

"All I ever wanted was to be close to you just like this...and now I've destroyed everything."

The mercenary felt how you slowly relaxed against his body, eyes closing as you nestled your face against his chest. He thought it to be just his imagination, a trick played by his own twisted mind...

...but then you forced him down to your height, faces just mere inches apart as you graced his lips with yours.

"Who said you couldn't?"

As soon as you released him from the kiss Reaper would stumble backwards, his voice wavering as he asked "Y/N...why?"

You cracked a painful yet promising smile, looking at him with those doe eyes he had never truly been able to withstand.

"I've already told you before: I trust you."

Reyes whined at your obvious statement, so close to lose his well-meant intentions - yet he still stepped aside in shame, making way for your escape. "Please...just- just go. And don't come back this time. I-I really don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't." The answer came as quick as a shot, not the slightest hint of doubt in your voice...

...and that was all it took for him to completely lose it.

The soldier's mouth crashed over yours in a desperate urgency, in his almost-undead state literally needing you more than air itself. You moaned against his lips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue entering your mouth and joining yours in an ecstatic dance.

Reaper took his time relishing in the sensation of your delicate skin under his raw fingers, finally able to experience the real deal. His caress was eager yet not less mellow. And surprisingly warm for a reanimated corpse, heat radiating off of him due to the constant cell repair.

You panted heavily as you pushed him away a little, and for a second he was afraid to have overstepped a line. "We don't need to go any further. If you've changed your mind, that's oka-"

"Shh" you hushed him as you kneeled down, smirking mischievously yet not less affectionate. "I think you've made me wait long enough."

Kneeling down in fromt of him, you impatiently pulling down the waistband of his sweatpants. His hard cock sprung up against your face, with prominent veins and an angry red tip leaking precum already. "Oh, dear...you sure need some release."

Actually he would want to object, say that you didn't need to do this for him straightaway, that he could take care of it himself - yet his mind was too clouded by lust for him to have any coherent thought.

"S-Shit, Y/N..." he bit his lip as you unsucessfully tried enclosing your fingers around him, the width of his making you a little taken aback. You could easily use both hands and still wouldn't cover his whole lenght, squeezing ever so little before moving up and down.

"I want to be repayed next time, you know?" You teased his glans as you swirled your tongue around it, making him whimper. "But for now that's enough."

Reyes thrusted his hips forwards to push himself further into your mouth, and you could feel heat rising at your core as well, pressing your thighs together for some friction. "Please, more... oh fuck..."

At this point you had left the man a stuttering puddle of lust, all sorts of pathetic sounds filling the room as you keenly continued pleasing him.

All of a sudden you felt Reaper ball a fist in your hair, shoving his whole member deep inside of you as he finished with a low groan. The first spourts ran down your throat before he quickly pulled out, the rest covering your chest while he stroked himself through his high.

"S-Sorry..." he stammered, gently petting your head as you coughed due to the brief cut of air supply. "I'm usually not the gentle one."

"As if that's news" you deadpanned, looking up to him just for your gaze to be stuck on lower regions again. "It's...still stiff."

"Well, the SEP increases stamina - and also one's libido." Indeed, his cock was still impressively standing upright in all of it's prime. "Don't worry about it."

Reyes thought about offering you a hand to stand up, but instead swiftly picked you off from the ground out of a whim. "Can- do you want to stay?"

"Of course" was your answer as he gently let you down on his bed again, quick to throw himself behind you and clinging to your back.

However, you weren't able to suppress an almost pornographic moan as you felt his erection pressed against your behind, pushing your ass against it out of reflex.

"R-Reaper..." you almost begged, leading his hands to cup your breasts and not stopping to grind against him. "Wha-what if I want to continue?"

"It would be the first time since, well...since I am like this..." Still, he couldn't resist to fondle with your nipples, humping against you as his other hand began circling your clit. "But I'd be damned if I don't indulge you as well."

You rolled around to lie on your back, the man towering over you as he hungrily parted your legs. He licked his lips, unable to refrain from touching himself at the sight. "Such a pretty pussy, fuck..."

Reyes let two fingers run between your already slick folds, scissoring them to reveal your core before he sunk them in. You gasped as more entered you, slowly stretching your insides as he began fucking you on his fingers.

Aroused beyond belief, he soon buried his face in your pussy, making you moan uncontrollably as he found your weak spot with ease. His fingernails dug in the surface of your thighs as he ate you out, groaning deeply at the heavenly taste.

As hard as it was to remained focused with your orgasm building up so fast, your mind was set on one thing.

"R-Reaper...I want you, please..."

He stilled at your words, climbing to settle over your body to look you straight in the eyes. "My love, I'm afraid I can't contain myself."

You cocked your head, furrowing your brows at the man. "I'm already writhing beneath you this whole time, Reyes. I think you have proven your resolve."

Wrapping your arms around your neck, you tenderly brushed your lips against his before engaging in another heartwarming kiss.

And oh, how his heart was soaring for you.

"Let's figure out together."

It was hard for both of you to ever let your lips part again, but if it was to be like that, Reyes would want to have you completely. He ripped apart of what was left of your clothing, leaving both of you fully bare.

"You look like a peace of art" you noted, letting your hand run over his scarred shoulders, slightly emmitting black fume. "A whole life story visible on your body."

And with your whole beauty now revealed in front of him, Reyes was willing to write his own love-letter on your skin - starting with tracing a path of kisses alongsides your curves.

His beard was tickling the skin on your neck, wandering behind your ear and whispering sweet affirmations only for you to hear. "Say my name" he ultimately pleaded, forehead resting on yours as he carefully began pushing into you.

"R-Reaper...ah!" He'd briefly wait for you to become accustomed to his size, pecking more kisses across your face before his thrusts started at a low pace. "No, my real name. Say it."

"Gabriel..." His name sounded so good in your voice, reminding him of the man he once was - as if able to pull what was left of him out of this abomination he had become. "Gabe, please...faster..."

Incited by your filthy noises, his rough touch began leaving bruises here and there as he began fucking you ferociously into the mattress. You'd cross your legs behind his back, allowing him inside impossibly deeper. He felt delirious, this amount of pleasure being too much to bear as you melted against his body - every single touch of yours feeling undeserved for a wretch like himself.

Having troubles to keep his form while being so aroused, he would hide his face in the crook of your neck, wanting to spare you the sight of his true self...

...yet instead you embraced him even closer, one kiss after another meeting his face even as it stopped appearing human.

"I love you, Gabriel Reyes."

Your confession led him over the edge together with you, shouting your name in exasperation as he rode you through your high, finishing closely after.

Shivering and whimmering as you reveled in the aftershocks of your euphoria, you could still feel Reyes pump his seed inside of you - just to grow stiff once again.

Your body was shaking in anticipation as Gabriel continued to slam his hipbone against your sensitive cunt, semen squirting out in the progress. "Shit, Y/N...you feel so fucking good, I can't stop..."

Even as the previous orgasm ebbed down, your nerves remained on fire, every pounding of his sending chills down your spine. You anchored yourself onto his body, fingers ghosting across the skin of his back as you felt yet another wave of pleasure wash over you.

When you came for the last time that night, the sun was alread threatening to rise above the Talon headquarters.

"Well, that answers Moira's question if you're still fertile" you almost choked at your own laughter and Reyes would only groan in annoyance, placing a wet kiss into your hair. "Never mention her name inside here ever again, please?"

"Just saying it's better than finding out her way" you snorted, stirring in the sheets until your lover put an arm and leg around you, trapping you in his hold. "Weirdo."

"You're one to talk." You finally saw him mirroring a genuine smile, his face lighting up brightly as he rubbed his cheek against yours. "Being happy suits you, you know?"

"And I hope you know that I won't let you go that easily again." As if you could even remotely walk after yesterday - not that it mattered, since it was your day off. "That was the plan. And to be honest, it was totally worthwhile."

"Let me take care of you today, alright?" Your lover briefly turned into his wraith form, returning shortly after with fresh water and a shirt of his for you to wear. "I'll even run you a bath if you like."

"Maybe later...mhh...sleep would be nice..." you already halfway dozed off, lolling around on the mattress and patting the empty spot next to you. "Come back?"

Gabe didn't need to be told twice, covering you with the blanket as you slowly drifted away to sleep. Having his whole world in his arms like this, it made himself feel grounded again as well.

Starting now, he wouldn't bother himself with fears or doubts anymore - for his focus would lie on becoming a better man.

Just as you had showed him he could be.

Alongside several disturbing features, Reaper was able to perceive the souls of all living beings...

...and while he adored you resting there all peacefully, he couldn't help but think that he had never laid eyes upon a soul like yours.

"Thank you, Y/N...for not giving up on me."

[lokilickedme]

Sneak Peek

I don’t have a new chapter for this week (natural disasters and all that) but I do have this excerpt from my upcoming new fic Stop The World (And Melt With You), which will start posting after The Department concludes.  It’s a Tom Hiddleston/OFC/Hozier fic centered in the music industry and revolving around rival artist managers that used to be married years ago, but split up due to the pressures of their respective careers and a scandal neither of them has ever quite come to terms with.

After successfully avoiding each other for the better part of a decade following their messy divorce, Thomas Casey and Kinsie O’Dell suddenly and unhappily find themselves having to work together again when their clients, who were likewise a couple in the past, start an artistic collaboration at the behest of their record labels.

Jaimie is a wild Irish rockstar with a laundry list of bad habits, Arielle is an Italian pop diva with the attitude and spoiled entitlement of a rabid chihuahua.  Before either of them was famous they were a couple, but a vicious split sent them in opposite directions, fighting endlessly over music they wrote while they were together.  Now that they’re both big names in the industry, the battle over rights to their old work is raging.  And the public loves it.  So when their record labels insist on a studio collaboration followed by a world tour as a duo, Jaimie and Arielle start to fall back in love...much to the absolute horror of their managers.

Thomas and Kinsie have no choice but to keep doing their jobs, babysitting the hot blooded youngsters while they reattach to each other and doing their best to avoid the same fate themselves.  Will they manage to keep their distance from each other despite long nights on the tour bus, endless hotel rooms, and being in each other’s faces nonstop for the better part of a year while their young charges croon about love and passion on stage in a new city every night?  Will their past be a protective lesson to them, or will the memory of the good times override their common sense and good judgement?

Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world crashing all around your face

I’ll stop the world and melt with you

- Modern English, 1982

***************************************************************

"We were good.  For a long while there, we were real damn good, weren't we babe."

"Eh, it depends on what your definition of good is."  I gave him a sideways glance, careful to avoid those hot blue eyes that I could feel boring into my face.  That was the only way I’d ever been able to accurately describe the way he looked at people - bored, as in drove his gaze straight through them, leaving devastation in the wake of that billion dollar stare.  "But yeah, we were pretty good.  Until you cheated."

He sat back with a loud huff and a grimly muttered Here we go as he raked his hands through his hair.  It was shaggy again, making him look more like the music industry road-managerial type he was on the surface and less of the sophisticated gentleman I knew he was underneath it.  "How many times do we have to go through this?  I never cheated on you and you know it."

"Oh sorry, I meant to say Until the allegations that you cheated became too convincing to deny a second longer - "

"Oh for fucks sake Kinsie, I never slept with that woman!"

"And I never slept with Jaimie, so I guess we're both innocent."

His eyes went wide, and I swear to god his mouth went slack till it almost fell open.  Misdirection had always been my strong point, and he never in all the years I’d known him had ever learned how to either anticipate or counter it.

"You slept with Jaimie?"

"I just said I didn't, weren't you listening?"

"He's...he's fifteen, no wait he's twenty years younger than you!"

"Good thing I didn't sleep with him then, that would be gross."  I sneaked a peek over the top of my Coke, slurping so that the ice made rude noises.  He always hated that.  The man was all but sputtering with rage, cheeks flushed, eyes bright, hair standing on end where he kept dragging his hands through it roughly.  "Oh come on, I'm just as likely to sleep with Jaimie as you are to sleep with Arielle."

"I don't sleep with Arielle!"

"Good because you'd be in jail if you did."

He didn't say anything else - I knew him well enough to know he'd hit his limit and that his next action would be to get up and storm out of the room, slamming the door dramatically behind him.  He never could beat me in a game of words, not once in twenty years.  It was the thing about me that frustrated him the most.  And making unnecessary noise was his only way to strike back at it.

"Don't bang the door on your way out, Jaimie's asleep next door."

 "Fuck Jaimie!"

I gave him a wink over the top of my cup around another rude slurp.  "I thought we'd established that wasn't an issue of contention."

The level of red in his cheeks was almost alarming.  He stared at me for several more long seconds, then turned and strode purposefully to the door, grabbed the knob, and yanked it open.  He stood there glaring at me from the doorway until I shook my head and sighed.

"Don't you do it, Thomas Casey."

His eyes narrowed, and the look of sheer malicious glee that twisted his lips into a vengeful grin was almost lost to the door slamming shut so hard the framed sunset on the wall across from the bathroom shuddered on its nail.  And then I heard him beating on the door to the room next to mine, just to add insult to injury.

Goddammit.  As much as I loved irritating that man, I hated the long night that was coming even more. In just about thirty seconds my phone was going to ring and my very awake, very hungry charge was going to complain about the noise and ask me to order room service and watch movies with him for the rest of the night.  It never failed.   Jaimie’s insomnia was legendary, as was his ability to eat like a rhino despite resembling not much more than a hairy stop sign.  A familiar impotent rage overtook me and I yanked the door open to step out into the hall and yell at the retreating backside of the man I'd once loved hard enough to marry.

"You better get your goddamned little princess under control, Casey!  Now!!"

He yelled back without turning around.

"Maybe if you'd make your rock star keep his dick in his pants we wouldn't be having this problem!"

"Arielle is a hack!"

"Jaimie's a fucking pothead!"

He turned the corner at the end of the hall, and god help me I waited, half expecting and fully hoping he would pause just long enough for dramatic effect before turning around and coming back.  I wasn't even ashamed of the fact that I planned to push the door open and be on the bed before he even made it.

But he didn't come back, and after several long seconds I realized I was making a fool of myself.  Waiting for Thomas Casey had been my downfall all those years ago and it hurt just a little bit to see myself so willing to do it now, a decade down the road.

Damn him.

The door next room up clicked open and Jaimie stood there in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes and peering down the hall to see what I was looking at.

"Somebody kicked my door."

I looked at him, at his sleepy face with his thick glasses askew in testament to the fact that he'd fallen asleep reading again, and stepped aside so he could go into my room.  "I know baby.  It was just Casey."

His face brightened.  For some stupid reason he liked Casey.  "Yeah?  You two been hanging out?"

"Just business."

"Huh." He shuffled past me into the room, making himself comfortable on my kingsize before the door even fell shut behind me, already clicking through the channels on the TV and helping himself to what was left of my Coke.  "You two were good together, you should try to get along."

Good together. That was the second time I'd heard those words come from someone's mouth tonight in reference to me and Thomas Casey, and it was just about two times too many.  I sat down on the edge of the bed with a tragic sigh.

"Scoot over sweetie.”

[anna-justice]

Superman - Part 2

PART 1

Summary: Jay and Hailey are a part of an officer involved shooting, the aftermath puts Hailey in a very dangerous situation, causing her and Jay’s lives to be at risk. (Pre-Established Upstead) 

...

Jay rolled over, groaning as he reached for his phone. He shut the alarm off quickly, turning back over to and reaching across the bed. His hand hit the cold mattress, waking him up. Jay laid flat on his back, running his hand over his face. He groaned again, the pit in his stomach growing at his own stupidity. It was the first time in a week that he had woken up alone, and for a minute he had forgotten that he was back to reality.

He reluctantly threw the covers off, immediately missing the warmth, but it wasn’t quite as warm as it had been the day before. The walk to the kitchen was dark and lonely, Jay squinting as he flipped on the lights as he went. When he reached his small kitchen he sighed, trying not to think about the empty coffee pot. Yesterday it would have been full. He filled the filter and turned it on before turning and heading back to his bedroom. 

He pushed the bathroom door open, ignoring his depressed look in the mirror. He turned on the water in his single stall shower, not taking notice of the lack of products on the rack. Jay ran a hand through his tousled hair, he needed to get himself together.

After the safehouse was broken into, he and Hailey were moved to a new one. They insisted Jay be put in protective custody as well, since he was now a (potential/connected) victim of the hit list. He insisted they be placed together and Hailey didn’t object, the lead detective on their case obliged and soon they were sitting together on a different uncomfortable couch. 

The entire experience was surreal to say the least, it felt like living in an alternate reality. They fell into a routine almost. There was an unspoken agreement between the two of them: they would sleep in the same bed, wake up in each other’s arms, Hailey would make coffee, Jay would make breakfast and neither of them said a word. Why would they? It was easy, it felt natural and it was perfect. 

So, for a week the two of them played house while their team worked on taking down the brotherhood, and most importantly the post that put a bounty on his partner’s head. The day before they had finally caught a break in the case, finding the chain that led to the Kingpin and the owner of the chat. After a long interrogation, they had enough to charge and enough to solve multiple other cold cases in the area, and the post was taken down. 

Once their lives were no longer in danger, Jay and Hailey were released from protective custody and sent home to their own separate houses. Jay drove her back to the bar where it all started, her car was still there. They bid goodbye in the parking lot, Hailey giving him a kind smile before climbing in her car. It felt so wrong after a week of living the way they were. 

The cold water pulled him out of his trance, Jay shivered, shutting it off and reaching for his towel. Soon he was all ready for work, grabbing his keys and high tailing it out of his lonely apartment. He cursed himself for getting so attached, for getting used to their new dynamic. Because nothing had changed, it wasn’t real and now, it was over.

... 

Hailey was already awake when her alarm went off. She was sitting on her couch, a freshly brewed cup of coffee in her hand. She hadn’t slept well the night before. Her insomnia set in at around 3:00 that morning, and she had come to terms with the fact that a good amount of rest was a lost cause. 

She hit the button glowing on the screen, tossing her phone on the coffee table in front of her. For a second she waited for the familiar sound of shuffling feet, but then remembered her lack of sleep. She slept alone last night, or more like didn’t. Before the past week, it had been a long time since she woke up tangled with someone else, but she had no doubt that her return to a normal sleep schedule was a product of just that. 

Hailey stood, padding into her kitchen to get another cup of coffee…

“You good?” Jay asked from his perch on a barstool. If Hailey had a dime for everytime he had asked her that in the past few days, they’d be hiding out on a yacht. 

Hailey nodded, picking up the coffee pot and refilling her mug. “Yeah, why?” She asked, turning around to lean against the counter opposite of him. 

Jay grinned, gesturing to the cup in her hand. “That’s your third cup this morning.” 

“You keeping tabs on my coffee intake?” Hailey teased, cocking an eyebrow at him.

Jay stood, laughing. He made his way to the sink beside her, dropping it in. “Maybe. You don’t need it stunting your growth.”

Hailey’s jaw dropped, a laugh bellowing out of her. She slapped his bicep (taking note of how much her hand stung afterward: damn) as he lept away, he knew what was coming. “You better sleep with one eye open tonight.” Jay held up his hands in surrender, backing away slowly. “I’m serious.”

She leaned against the counter, smiling to herself. That was how the whole week had gone, jokes, banter and lots of cuddling. If there was a line before, it was now so blurred that it might be broken. They were inseparable, you would think that being stuck in a house with someone for a week would make you want to kill each other, but not them. The only time either of them were truly alone was when they were in the bathroom. And even then, the amount of times one of them snuck in to get something while the other one was showering was unreal. 

Hailey cautiously approached the bathroom door, grimacing to herself as she knocked. “Jay.” She called, hand on the handle.

“Yeah.” He shouted over the running water, it was much louder than it needed to be and Hailey chuckled to herself. 

“Can I come in? I need my meds, I left them on the counter.” She asked.

“Sure.” He said. Hailey felt flushed as she pushed the door open, steam filling the bedroom. It clicked behind her and even though there was a curtain covering him, Hailey avoided looking towards the shower at all. She made it to the vanity, rummaging through her toiletry bag and ignoring how red her face was in the mirror. 

There was a thud, the noise of lots of water hitting the shower floor. Hailey’s mind wandered to what could’ve made the noise, the image of him running his hands through his wet hair as water cascaded around him gracing her mind. Hailey wasn’t paying attention, causing her to knock her bag as well as his shaving cream to the floor. “Shit.” She muttered.

“Hailey.” He said, “You good?” He asked, she looked up from her crouching position on the floor to see him poking his head and one shoulder out. She froze, her eyes trained on the droplets of water sitting where freckles normally were.

“Yeah.” She said, jumping up clutching his shaving cream. “Uh, this fell.” 

Jay eyed her funny, “Okay.” Hailey didn’t move. “I’ll be out in a minute.” 

Hailey nodded, “See you then.” She turned and grabbed her medicine, booking it out of there.

She splashed some cold water on her face after brushing her teeth, she needed to snap out of it. Of course, the whole situation was disorienting. She had admitted a long time ago that she had feelings for her partner, or at least she admitted them to herself. And after the week they had, she thought maybe he felt the same way, but he never said anything. He said everything else, they talked so much, they both opened up so much, but he kept his mouth shut about that.

She even gave him a chance. It was a few days in and they were laying in bed. She was facing him, laying on her arm. There were several feet between them, but she could still feel the heat radiating off of him. 

Hailey watched Jay roll onto his back, running his hands over his face. “I’m sorry.” He groaned out, looking at her with a sad look. 

Hailey shifted, leaning on her elbow. “For what?”

Jay sighed, “Dumping all this on you. You didn’t sign up for me complaining about my ex for an hour.” They had both decided they were tired, even if it was only 9:00, but once their heads hit the pillow all they could do was laugh, and they were both wide awake. Teasing had turned to talking, which led to Hailey attentively listening to Jay finally open up about his relationship with Erin. 

She reached out, placing her hand over his as it rested on his stomach. Jay watched her cautiously, noticing as she moved closer to him. “Jay.” She said, “I am here for you. If you ever want to talk, I will always want to listen.” 

He smiled at her, “I know.” He squeezed her hand. “Me too.” 

Hailey rolled onto her back beside him, only turning her head to face them. “I didn’t know any of that.” She confessed, “About Lindsay, I mean. I knew you guys had broken up, but no one ever mentions it.” 

Jay nodded, “Yeah. It’s kind of one of those things we all ignore. It’s been so long.” He turned his head to face her. “You know, nothing good ever comes out of a workplace relationship.” 

Hailey faked a smile, turning away. A week ago she would have agreed with him, she would have just let it go. But laying next to him, feeling what she felt, she couldn’t. “Not always.” She said. “Maybe, if two people are just...right for each other, it doesn’t matter the circumstances.” She took a risk and looked over at him, surprised to find his gaze on her, a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Hailey shrugged on her jacket, grabbing her keys off the hook by the door. She gathered her things and headed out the door, and she felt like she was going back in time.

…

Hailey pulled into the parking lot, spotting Jay’s truck immediately (not that she was looking for it). It was odd that he ever beat her there, he must have been having a good morning. She headed inside, hoping to brush past their jem of a desk sergeant. “Hey blondie.” Mission failed.

“Hey serge.” Hailey said, stopping at the base of the stairs. She gave her a pointed look. 

Trudy shrugged, “Oh nothing. Just glad to see you survived a week trapped with chuckles.” She said, smirking. 

Hailey shook her head, before heading up the stairs. “Barely.” She said over her shoulder, which was bullshit, but Trudy didn’t know that. She buzzed herself up, climbing the stairs quickly. It felt good to be back, being off duty was never fun. Her eyes met Jay’s immediately and he gave her a bright smile that she quickly returned. 

“Good to see you Hailey.” Kim said, interrupting their wordless conversation. 

Hailey nodded, “You too, I’m glad to be back.” Kevin looked up from his desk, reaching out and fist bumping her she walked by, while Adam gave her a short wave from the breakroom. “Hey.” she said quietly as she reached her desk, taking a seat in front of her partner.

“Hey.” Jay said, lifting a cup of coffee over their monitors. “Here.” 

Nothing has changed.

Hailey smiled, taking the cup graciously. “Just so you know, this is only my fourth cup today.” 

“Hailey.” Jay said, shaking his head. “You have a problem.”

Hailey laughed, holding a finger to her lips and making a “shhh” sound. A second later, Voight exited his office. “Upton,” He said, “Glad to have you back.” 

“Glad to be back.” She said, settling in her seat. 

Jay watched her, back in her natural habitat. It was strange watching her walk in, it seemed to always be him that was the last one up, but he couldn’t complain. He loved watching her blonde ponytail swing as she walked, he loved watching how naturally she floated through the room. 

They spent the next ten minutes being caught up on the current take home case, this one being a series of drug overdoses. Jay had a CI he thought was connected and had gotten the go ahead from Voight to chase the lead. He was about to tell Hailey, but Adam beat him to it. 

“Hey Hailey.” He called across the room, approaching their desks. 

Hailey looked up, “Yeah.” 

“You remember that warehouse we searched once? Found the kilo of heroin? You called dispatch, do you remember the address?” He asked. 

Hailey nodded. “Yeah.” Adam started again, but Hailey held up a finger and grabbed a sticky note from the corner of her desk. She stood slightly, reaching over Jay’s monitor and grabbing a pen out of his holder. She scribbled down the address and handed it to him. “Go check it out with Kev.” She said. 

Jay smirked, watching Adam thank you and then retreat to his own desk. 

Nothing has changed.

“Wanna go meet a CI with me?” He asked, standing. 

Hailey jumped up immediately, “Of course.” 

…

It was a long day, they chased lead after lead that basically went nowhere. Finally, Voight decided they weren’t getting anywhere and sent everyone home. Hailey collapsed on her couch at almost eleven, debating just sleeping there. She was exhausted. 

The day had been emotionally draining as well, she spent the whole day convincing herself that her and Jay were fine, and while they most definitely were, there was a little voice in the back of her head that was telling her she had ruined everything. She had never felt more insecure in her life. 

Maybe hearing about Erin was part of it. Within’ Intelligence, the only time she was spoken of was when they were all reliving their greatest hits. Like the time they pulled off a drug bust and destroyed an OT pickup or the time she saved Jay from a heavy hitter with only a polypropylene switchblade, she was a total badass. That wasn’t a secret, and Hailey had never felt like she had to live up to her memory. 

But now she knew a different side of her, she knew how deeply Jay had loved her and how much it had destroyed him. How could she ever expect him to put himself on the line like that again, for his partner none-the-less. 

The doorbell rang, pulling her from her thoughts. She smiled as she pushed herself off the couch, there was only one person who would show up this late unannounced. She pulled the door open, immediately meeting his bright green eyes. He held up a pizza box, “I figured you hadn’t eaten.” 

“My hero.” She said, stepping back to let him in. 

Jay laughed, heading straight for the living room. Hailey stopped in the kitchen to grab plates and beers. She made it in time to watch him fall back onto the couch. He sighed dramatically, “I’ve missed you.” He said, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. 

Hailey chuckled, settling in next to him. “Feels good to be home, doesn’t it?” She asked.

Jay flattened his cheek against the couch to look at her. “Yeah.” He wanted to say no, that it felt good to be there, because home was wherever she was, but he kept his mouth shut. He had thought back to their conversation a few nights before many times, he read between all the lines, replayed the words over and over again. And he was almost convinced she was talking about them, but here they were several days later and nothing had changed. 

Had it though? He caught himself today, smiling a little bigger, laughing a little louder, he felt lighter. Like he was riding a high, a Hailey high and he couldn’t complain. 

Hailey stood, grabbing her already empty beer bottle. “You want another?” She asked, heading towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Jay said, “thanks though.” He took a beat. “Actually,” He stood, following her into the other room. “I wanted to talk to you about something-'' He had barely gotten the words out and there was a loud pop, it sounded just like a gunshot.

Before she knew it, Hailey was on the ground on her back, Jay laying on top of her. “This feels familiar.” She said, trying to lighten the mood. Jay looked up at her, fear showing clearly in his eyes. Hailey immediately softened, reaching out on instinct to cup his face. “Jay, it was just a car backfiring.” 

She watched it click, his face contorting from fear to pure panic. Jay scrambled off her, “Sorry, habit.” He said shyly. He wanted to eat his own foot, he had just tackled her to the ground for no reason and she was being so understanding, it felt like his heart was being out of his chest. 

“It’s fine, really.” Hailey said, genuinely. “As far as bad habits go, instinctively saving people’s lives isn’t a terrible one.” 

Jay smirked, “We already established that I’m a superhero.” 

Hailey grimaced, “I was hoping I dreamt that.” 

Jay shook his head, “Nope, it happened.” He stood, holding out a hand for her. “Talk about an ego boost.” 

Hailey took his hand, “Happy to help.” When she was fully standing up, she couldn’t help but notice how close she was to him. She peered up at him, finding that he was already watching her, he squeezed her hand gently, showing he had no intention of letting it go. “What did you want to talk about?” She asked, trying to keep her cool.

Jay’s confident facade cracked and crumbled in front of her. “Uh, nothing. It wasn’t important.” He said, dropping her hand and taking a step backward. 

Hailey groaned internally, she was so sick of this. They always came so close and then one of them would get scared, she couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m right.” She said softly. “I know I am, if two people are right for each other-” She took a breath, no more games, no more riddles. “If two people are as good together as we are, then nothing else matters.” 

Jay looked at her in shock, she was saying everything he was waiting to hear and part of him was mad at himself making her say it first. “We’re really good together.” She sighed out.

“Yeah.” Hailey said, Jay closed the gap between them, capturing her lips with his. Hailey reacted by grabbing his neck and pulling him closer. Jay’s arm wrapped around her waist, lifting her onto the counter. Hailey wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer. 

Jay eventually pulled away, breathless. “Look, you're finally as tall as me.” He said. Hailey rolled her eyes, pushing on his chest, but Jay grabbed her waist, holding her firmly against him. He leaned again, this time kissing her so slow that it was almost painful. 

Hailey bit her lip, “I wish I would have said something a week ago, being trapped in a house together would have been much more interesting.” 

“Yeah.” Jay said, smirking. “You would have been gawking at me from inside the shower instead of outside of it.” 

Hailey blushed, looking down at their intertwined hands. “You’re terrible.” 

“You love it.” He said casually. Hailey’s head snapped up, waiting for him to apologize or back away, she was ready for such a strong word (no matter how much she felt it) to screw this up before it started. Jay caught on, cupping her cheek gently. “Not as much as I love you.” 

Hailey swore she stopped breathing. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Hailey wasted no time smashing her lips to his, letting her fingers get tangled in his hair. She drug her lips from his to his ear. “I love you too.” Jay grinned against her cheek, pulling her back to his lips. “You wanna try tackling me to the floor again?” She asked, smirking.

“Yes.” He said immediately, pulling her off the counter. Hailey laughed as he lowered them, looks like she wasn’t waking up alone tomorrow and she couldn’t be happier. 

…

A/N: You ask and you shall receive! This one kinda got away from me to be honest, and I have no idea where it fits in the timeline (maybe post new york but pre season 8?), so there’s that. Thanks for reading! <3

[littleredroseonthevalley]

Gospel of Love, Gospel of War

Summary: Tyril awaits patiently his turn with the giver of his life and his death, considering what means to love when one does not know possession.

Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Notes: So, I came rather late to the party. BLS is nice enough. No TRR 1 nor ILITW, but better than OH, and certainly better than most books PB manages to skew out these days.

Hope y’all enjoy.

Sometimes, enhanced senses were a terrible nuisance.

I was laid down at the chambers the human Crown was lending me. The bed was the softest I had ever encountered in their realm, rivalling mine at Undermount. The weather was nice and my body was aching with tiredness, and yet, sleep alluded me.

Instead of the milky darkness a lesser being would certainly be facing, I saw the moon shine creeping from the fireplace, and the fire being cradled in the hallway chandeliers. I could see the particles of dust falling slowly from the ceiling, I could hear the ants walking behind the walls and I could smell the perfume from the last occupant of the room, likely a gaudy noblewoman.

However, at home, all these stimuli were also present, and I rarely had any difficulty drifting off to sleep. It is not something I acknowledge with pride, but the source of my insomnia is not the state of the room, but rather the obtrusive thoughts in my mind.

Not several thoughts, just one, the one. Her.

Platinum hair falling from her head in delicate curls, naturally ironed in a precise and symmetrical shape, framing the aquamarine blue of her eyes that shone even in the dark of Deadwood nights, an angular nose that denounced her aristocratic blood and thin lips that turned and twisted with the most delectable promises.

The thin constitution and the absence of blemishes on her clear skin would trick a man to believe that such a woman had never worked or fought a day of her life, but such assumption would be gravely, perchance deadly, mistaken. I have seen her fight, and she can hold her own against many, if not all, warriors I have ever encountered.

Not she found need often. She is charming and cunning, unafraid of using her opponents’ weaknesses of character and resolve against them, of seducing others to fight for her.

She did me, after all.

Her sweet words whispered in my ear, and I was bending my knee to her with such conviction that it was unbecoming of a Starfury, of an elf. I believed everything and anything she had ever told me, and I was willing to defend that belief with my sword if necessary.

She erased centuries of proud tradition and customs ingrained in my personality, in my character, and replaced them with her every whim. She taught me her gospel, and I was proud to be her most loyal disciple.

I was jealous of her, in the name of the gods old and new!

Kivali and Dinvali be damned, to me she was everything. The water for all my thirst, the answer to every question. I have no need for any other woman, elven or otherwise, and all I want from the gods at this point is that I learn how to sate her every craving as well.

Alas, I fail at this as well.

She will not tell me one way or the other, and I fear asking, but I know. I can smell on her skin and I can taste on her mouth, the bedchambers she visits before she comes to mine. I do not know whose will it be every night, but it is never mine first, and sometimes not the last.

I still wait, nevertheless. Awaken, counting the minutes for her to arrive and dreading the time she leaves. Wondering where she went before she came to my arms.

Perhaps it was Volari. The rogue had enviable charm and wit; a physique sculpted on the fire of his basic needs. He had stories of adventure that easily seduced a suffocated country girl.

It could be Aerin. His cultured speech was interesting to listen, and his easy manners were soothing. The prince’s runt nature was known to remind her of her brother. Royal blood was, also, a powerful aphrodisiac, regardless of its bearer’s position in the line of succession.

Her preferences could befall another sex for the evening. For all her appearance of purity, something I am sure many would take pleasure in, Nia had been quite daring since I met her. I am sure it would be enjoyable for both parties pushing the limits of her innocence.

Should be Imtura, it was likely to be the complete opposite, as her condition as an orc makes her resilient and lascivious. A lust that could go on for all night, and a body that could withstand much abuse, as well an enviable experience, certainly acquired in many a ship’s voyage.

Or it could be people I have never met, people I would never suspect. It feels as if everyone is competition, and defeat means death.

I felt woefully underprepared to such a battle. What I had to offer? I am merely a fallen elf from a house, while ascendant once more, was hardly worth all the caveats that came with it, and not even its lordship I deserved. My intellectual achievements were mediocre at best, and I could not hope to hold my own against the Shadow Court in a field of war.

My very life is forfeit in a desperate goose chase for revenge that I could not help but let taint every aspect of my life, endeared to me or otherwise.

I bemoaned time and time again my fates as an heir, for the fact none could see what laid beneath the Starfury name and riches, and now I find myself here, feeling exposed, deprived of every frill and disguise, dreading it, grasping at anything that can conceal me once again. The day of my judgement is fast approaching, and I could only hope for a conviction.

Yet, I wait with anticipation. Yet, I could not sleep, not due to fear and repentance, but with anticipation for any scraps of attention I might have been able to be assigned, like an eager voxper wagging its tail.

It is demeaning and unbecoming, but it feels too good.

Suddenly, the sound of the door creaking open breaks through my reverie. The time was upon me, and my body felt the thunder her presence drawing near.

A sliver of light signals her entrance in my bedchamber. She closes the door and step closer enough for me to touch. As her smell hits my sensitive nose, all considerations about her whereabouts vanish, as I reach my arms and trap her close to me.

I do not let her speak in those moments, and I do not hear her words if she insists to talk. I just wrap my arms tighter around her waist and hope for the time to pass me by slower.

Some might need a miracle or a blessing to renew their faith, but I only needed to peruse her skin for me to believe in my gods.

She was my gospel, and I never wanted to let go.

[alchemist-shizun]

I Can See My Kingdom Now

Read on Ao3!

Chapter 4: Lightened up darkness

Word Count: 5,736

Taglist: @krisdoesart @stop-it-anxiety @jeevashun @kim-argent-moon

Characters in this chapter: Virgil, Deceit.

Warnings for this chapter: scars mention, implied insomnia, minor panic attack, negativity, mention of terminal illness

A/N: I’m not dead yet, apparently.  I wanted this to be longer but I also wanted to give you guys something as I haven't updated in two months djkssj pardon me. So, finally our snake boy is here! Also, if you have any theories already on what might happen, let me know, I'd love hearing from you. Next chapter, again, I have no idea when it'll be out, school started and I'm already doing tests, last year sucks, but I'm not going to abandon you! As always, thank you all for likes, reblogs and your wonderful comments! I appreciate every single reader, hope you're liking it this far, enjoy!

✾

❝ My mother, she told me

"Don't get in trouble"

My father, he told me

He knew I would.

My brothers, they told me

"Don't give a damn"

My sister, she told me

To do something good ❞

A flock of ravens was startled awake as the man in the black cape appeared between trees and forest plants through a flash of light, as if a thunder had just erupted from the barks surrounding him.

With a precise direction in his mind, he followed those instincts that never dared to fail him and let himself be dragged toward the place his familiar was busying itself.

The boy he had seen was still sitting on the grass, petting the fox by his side and giving it all his attention.

He approached them, careful not to make a sound. He didn't want him to end up like the ravens.

At a safe distance, sure he wasn't already in his field of view, he extended his gloved hand towards the boy and let a smirk play on his lips for as long as he didn't speak.

« Got lost, kid? »

While Virgil's head snapped up to look at the source of the sound, time seemed to slow down to a stop. His eyes went from the bright yellow glove not too far from his body, to focusing on the face of the man. To the white in his irises.

And the horrid scars on his cheek.

The man was sure time had started up again when he heard the kid bolt away in his opposite direction.

Eventually, he ended up like the ravens.

Not long had passed before he had lost hope for Virgil to return. He could as well have began his search again, just for someone else that might have been as much a good fit as him. But there was a certain feeling in his guts, something he couldn't exactly give a name to, which told him to procrastinate on that.

In fact, he had found the perfect amount of broken in that single soul.

Despite preferring the dark his home had to offer – more times than he could count he had found the light outside to be too strong even for his blind eyes – he let himself wander around the spot in front of his habitation. His familiar lent him its sight, responding to his every command as if it were a telepathic being.

He sat down next to it after adjusting to the sudden change of atmosphere; he could see the green around him and raised a hand to contrast the monotone colour.

Then, with automatic movements, his palm faced the sky, while his fingers refused to extend completely, some still sprawled over his palm.

He didn't even need to take a breath for the first flicker of light and smoke to be forming on top of his hand. The little aleatory shapes danced around themselves, some slow, permitting one to see the change from a pitch black hue to a somewhat light violet. Others were so quick they blended into a single multi-colored flame as they fought for dominance.

There was no spell to be cast, no purpose behind his work, he felt like he was back when he was still in training. All those years back...

His eye caught on something that felt off about the nature in front of him, right behind his hand: he had lived in there long enough to know every little change and detail of his surroundings.

The figure of the boy, trying his best despite failing in hiding behind one of the trees, sent excitement all over his body. But decided against making a move.

Instead, he used his other hand to put his show to a stop, joining the hands, only to open a new one as he separated them again.

Soon enough, a humanoid shape took over the scenery, walking on a pavement of black smoke: they were clearly wearing a hat and a cape. He knew it was working when he subtly noticed Virgil staring, but not running away.

After all, dark magic was prohibited in their kingdom.

The human shape put their hands to their face and soon enough was approached by another figure of the same likeness. As the newcomer passed a dark flame suspended in the air, they seemed to take away something at the eye-level of the first person.

The scenery changed when a fox appeared in front of the human with the cape, who knelt down to it and extended his hand. As soon as the two shapes came into contact, there was a tiny sparkle between them that changed into a reddish hue. Before he knew it, the scene had disappeared into a myriad of miniature sized fireworks, the glittery remaining flying down on his body and disappearing into the deep nothingness.

A small smile made its way on his face as the fox nuzzled closer to his leg.

The tale of how he met his familiar had always been one of his favorite stories to tell.

Despite how much it usually amazed and softened the people around him, when the man looked up, Virgil was nowhere to be found.

He couldn't have known yet that didn't mean it was a defeat.

Not until later, the day after, as he heard a timid knock on his door, the fox already bolting to the wooden entrance.

When he opened up, his eyes fixated on the mysterious person with an odd precision.

« Please, teach me how to do that. » they said.

The man didn't need to see who it was to understand the boy had inevitably fell into the game as well.

They had been sitting quietly in one of his not many rooms, the windows finally letting some light in.

« What is your name, kid? »

« Uhm, » for some unsettling reason, he hesitated. « Virgil. »

« Very well, Virgil. » he began, letting his chin rest on his hand. « I know you want to ask, go ahead. »

Virgil felt like he was piercing his skin with a simple stare, and shrank in his chair. « I don't... I wouldn't want to be rude. »

« Answers can be stupid, but questions are always valid. »

Virgil's mind seemed to twist for a second.

« Uh- What happened to your eyes? »

« I am merely blind. » he explained, moving his glance to the ground. « There are times in which you must pay a price. »

« Is it because of ... » the boy's voice trailed off, unable to find the perfect words.

« If you're wondering if this is for dark magic, not really. » the way he was so nonchalant to name it left Virgil taken aback. « Although, it requires to suffer to achieve it, it is easier to perform if the person has already been through hell and back. Like you. »

He knew he wasn't mistaken when he heard Virgil shift in his seat and basically felt his gaze on him.

After a beat, the boy found voice and courage to talk again.

« Who are you? »

« For anybody who knew me, the name was Sir Amartìa, » he leaned on the table. « But the people in town liked to call me something else. » he smirked, underlining the fact that he had cut ties with those gents.

« What would it be? »

The man's eyes lit up and turned to a glowing shade of yellow, much like the fox's, who jumped up to sit on his lap.

« Deceit. »

✾✾✾

Virgil spent three years with him.

His parents had given up on getting him a regular life, as far as he fed himself properly and started sleeping again, they didn't mind him wandering off in the woods for hours, only to return late in the night.

He knew he wasn't doing anything good, or something the citizens would have condoned, but it gave him a purpose, a target to achieve, something to look forward to.

He thought that, maybe, it could have fixed him.

The first purple glimmers that sparkled on his hand had sent so much joy and excitement in himself, a positivity he had long forgotten and had been afraid, as a child, that he would have never been able to experience again.

After he had been able to cast a few minor spells, Deceit had led him back to his home and told him to wait outside. He had informed him it was for the sake of a little surprise, a gift for his dedication and hard-working nature.

As someone who hardly even cared for his own birthday anymore, the anticipation seemed to give him goosebumps and drive him impatient. His mind raced through the options: could he be finally getting a familiar? Was he going to have a sorcerer outfit as well?

Deceit peeked from the half-open door and hid an object behind his back, barely able to conceal it.

« Close your eyes, snoopy. »

Virgil did as he was asked, even when he felt his arms being pulled outward: a cold sensation immediately caught his fingertips as a smooth object was placed on his hands.

He tilted his head to the side, not sure of what to think of it, a low hum stuck in his throat.

With one hand, he gripped a side of the item and was surprised to find … strings? They were definitely attached to one of the ends. Virgil arched an eyebrow, but couldn't stop the corner of his lip to twitch upward.

He opened his eyes after a moment of hesitation, and found a violin lying in his hands, as well as a bow being handed by the sorcerer facing him.

« Happy belated birthday, I suppose. »

Virgil didn't even notice his mouth was hung open when he examined the instrument and took the bow from Deceit's hands. He, as well, didn't recall deciding to launch himself at the man and trap him in a suffocating hug, but there he was, locking his arms around his chest. It felt like the last time he had done it had been years earlier.

« Hey, » Deceit gently pushed him away by the shoulders. « you said you wanted to use black magic as a neutral source. »

Virgil nodded, determined. For as long as he had heard of the tale and the laws that forced dark magic to be banned throughout the kingdom, he had been eager to find a way to prove people wrong.

Nothing was inherently bad, to be feared and lock away in the farthest corner of one's mind.

« We can start by simply shaping the substance magic is made of. You've seen me doing that once. »

A rose hue tinted Virgil's cheeks, embarrassed he had been easily caught.

« If you can put your mind into it, you will be able to control your own flow with the violin's strings. Only then the melody may tell a story. »

And Virgil had so many stories to tell.

He practiced daily, for hours, with such dedication that he amazed even himself, he felt drawn to the instrument and its music, he could forget about anything else and only concentrate on getting a tune right.

He played for the trees, the lakes and the flowers, he played for the forest animals brave enough to approach him and the fishes that weren't scared of the strings' vibrations.

Sometimes, when Deceit claimed he had to busy himself indoors, he basked in the sunlight that shined through the leaves and danced to the symphony he created. Tentative steps grew into twirls until he felt lightheaded and almost fell by tripping over himself.

Until one particular and seemingly tranquil afternoon.

The scenery was almost the same, with Virgil dancing with the air around him and the violin in his grip.

His eyes were already fixated on the strings when he saw a different hand, made of black smoke and purple light, pick on the chords for him.

Too frightened to realize what might have been happening, Virgil let the instrument fall to the ground, crashing and breaking right on the impact. He watched in horror as it went tumbling a few feet away from him.

His hands flew to his mouth before he even processed he had yelled.

Deceit swung the door open, eyes already flashing the familiar yellow color as he darted to the wide-eyed boy.

His glance went back and forth between Virgil and the broken violin on the ground. He sensed a strong magical aura from both.

« What happened?! » he demanded, placing himself between his apprentice and the instrument.

Virgil didn't answer, instead his breathing increased and tears welled up in his eyes: that was it, he failed, he was scared, it was too dangerous and couldn't help himself, he disappointed the last person that put trust into him and  he was going to disregard him from there. He lost his occasion to prove himself that he actually valued anything.

He saw Deceit open his mouth and he braced for insults.

Which never came.

« Virgil, hey kid. » had he ever heard his voice soften up that much? « I need you to breathe for me here. I am simply concerned. »

He was barely able to make out any shape, or to focus on anything that wasn't the crushing anxiety that threatened to destroy his stomach. He trembled and shivered with small sobs, his hands were already shielding his eyes to protect him with darkness. It was like those nights with those thoughts.

« Can you hear me? »

No no nononononono.

He crumbled to the ground, his shaky legs were too weak to bear standing up any longer. He didn't even sense Deceit catching him and kindly guiding him in a sitting position.

« Do you mind if I touch you? » why was he being so patient with him when he had ruined everything?

The familiar came closer to them, recognizing a situation it had experienced months before by then, and offered all the support it could give.

Deceit tentatively moved his hand to Virgil's fingers, trying to pry them away from his eyes as gently as he could.

As he succeeded, he gained enough confidence to wipe away the tears from his cheeks, even though new ones wet them again almost immediately.

« Focus on me, can you do that? » he waited for him to look up before he carried on. « I want to teach you something. »

Virgil saw him counting, he really wanted to follow him but he just couldn't understand what was happening around him.

One, two, three, four …

It's like the steps you do when you dance. Follow the rhythm.

Five, six, seven.

He tried to relax his stiff muscles.

Eight.

« It's fine, we can try again. » finally his hearing matched his lip-reading.

« Breathe in for four seconds. » Virgil did so, finding himself enthralled by the chanting of Deceit as he counted.

« That's wonderful. Now hold it for seven more. »

He didn't feel like choking anymore.

« Breathe out from your lips for eight seconds. » as he slowly complied, Deceit nodded and kept counting for him.

As soon as he was able to do it by himself, Deceit smiled and sat next to him.

« I apologize if I startled you. I heard you shouting, I thought the worst. »

Virgil didn't know how to answer. He wasn't used to apologies.

« Do you want to tell me what happened? »

« There was- » Virgil's voice was still shaky, he hated how he sounded like the ghost of his crying was still there.

He cleared both his throat and thoughts, as he would have been barely able to formulate a sentence of any meaning. « I- the violin. It was … I was playing it and something- a weird shape- it appeared right next to my face. »

« Do you recall it? »

Virgil dug in his most recent memories. « It looked like … a hand. Made of smoke. »

Deceit got up and picked up what remained of the instrument and the bow, only to turn back to his apprentice without looking away from the object.

« And what were you thinking about the exact moment before it appeared? » there was no way it had been someone else's deed. Virgil wasn't powerful enough to be envied by other mages, let alone trying to be manipulated.

« Uhm. » his thoughts traveled deeper, he remembered the melody he had been trying out and how difficult it was, but he had been settled on succeeding so much he didn't want to give up at all.

Realization struck him as he responded. « I thought that I could have used a hand. Because the song was too complex for me alone. »

« Are you sure you weren't the one that summoned it? » as Virgil saw the knowing look on Deceit's face, he could tell he had arrived to his conclusion.

« I did that? »

« You were emotionally invested. This permitted you to create a bond even with an inanimate object. » Deceit pointed to the violin in his hands, then set it on the ground, moved his hands on top of it until it was clouded by the now all too familiar smoke.

« Epanorthou. » the black turned into light blue and, when the mist had disappeared, there it laid the instrument, as if untouched and completely unfazed by the fall. Brand new.

Deceit caught Virgil staring in disbelief as he handed the violin back to him.

« Therefore, you gave it the ability to respond to your very needs, desires and commands. »

Virgil tried picking at the strings with his fingers. Nothing happened, especially because he wasn't particularly asking anything out of the instrument or his magic.

Then, he tested a few small tunes with the help of his bow.

I'd like a setting played out for this one.

Just as the first string touched the bow and the notes danced around them in an imaginary musical notation, at the same time a flicker escaped from the source of the melody and shape-shifted into a small forest scene.

Virgil stopped, and with him the magic flow turned into white stardust. This time, he felt confidence pervade his senses.

« Keep practicing. » Deceit encouraged him, walking back to the door he came from.

He couldn't hide his pride, for sure. That kid had managed to handle his magic so well in so little time! Anyone would have been amazed, too bad they had to hide in its shade.

It was when he glanced back at how the familiar danced around the boy, that he knew.

He was going to protect Virgil at all costs.

Not long after that, steaming teas were prepared and drank, a certain fox was pet and conversations were being held.

Their chat had been going on for quite sometime when the wizard had to stop Virgil after hearing a detail he didn't remember giving out to him.

« I told you that? » Deceit's white irises fell to the ground in a pensive look.

« You … did it just now. »

« Oh. » he pondered, leaning on a piece of furniture. « Must be this headache I'm having. » he mused and placed a hand on his forehead with a pained expression.

Virgil was rather confused, but shrugged and brushed it off; he couldn't really prove whether he might have had some kind of condition he hadn't told him about.

« Why don't you rest? I'll have your familiar by my side. » the fox promptly showed at Virgil's feet.

« Perhaps that'd be for the best. »

Virgil had been practicing for quite some time outside, when he noticed a certain golden flicker coming from the fox with the corner of his eye and sighed in defeat.

✾✾✾

« How did it happen, anyway? » Virgil was sixteen when he finally managed to ask about the story behind Deceit’s eyes. It took him an year to find the courage he felt when Deceit had barely mentioned his blindness in a discussion.

The man turned from the counter where he was placing some of the herbs found during one of their walks.

« You said it wasn't because of dark magic. »

« It's a bit heavy for a youngster like yourself. I doubt you'd want to hear it. »

« Try me. »

Deceit let out a sigh and abandoned his task, leaning against the counter, while Virgil reached him and sat on top of it.

« I used to live in another village before. » he talked to the air as if he was narrating a story to an audience in front of them.

« Everything was the same old miserable but oddly functioning and lament free livelihood, just like your place. But, of course, that didn't stop disgrace to fall onto people for natural or other circumstances. » his voice turned bitter, before recomposing himself.

« Everyone that saw me asked if I was alright. I said I was and that the blurriness I saw could have been easily fixed with a good pair of glasses. »

His head turned to the side and his glance hovered over where he believed Virgil's eyes were. He blinked a few times.

« The first doctor I went to diagnosed me with an eye condition. Another one told me it was a  simple sickness related to the discoloration of the irises. » uncovering old wounds didn't have to be so painful, yet there he was, holding back tears with the profound hope Virgil wouldn't have noticed.

« The last ones were professionals, » he took a deep breath. « And told me I had a terminal illness. »

Virgil was glad he couldn't see his expression. He placed a hand on Deceit’s shoulder, finding physical contact to be the only way he would have been able to show support.

On the other hand, Deceit couldn't wait to change the topic. « I was around thirteen I think, when a hermit traveled to our village. Just in time, he said he could have fixed the problem. None believed him until he gave a demonstration of his skills in public. Black smoke and indigo lightnings were enough for the people to condemn him and lock him out of the village. »

« But wasn't your life in the line? Didn't they care about it? »

« They would've soon stopped doing that too, anyway. »

Virgil arched an eyebrow, and let his confusion slip away as Deceit carried on his explanation.

« I reached out to him. I was going to get cured by myself. He told me he was going to cure the illness, but that I would end up blind for the rest of my life. My eyes turned white after the spell, which I agreed to without hesitation, and that only confirmed the type of condition I had. » he extended a hand to caress the fur of his familiar.

« Then he told me he could have helped me seeing again if I wanted, but I had to learn his magic first. I did, I escaped my own village, I found a familiar I could trust, then I was by myself out here. » he motioned to Virgil and himself. « And here we are. »

Virgil wanted to ask about why he had to escape rather than wanting to leave the place in a peaceful way. But, seeing as Deceit had barely brushed the memory, he decided against it.

« You never met the guy again? »

« No. He disappeared right after I met this fox. He said his duty was done. »

« That sounds sketchy. » Virgil eyed him warily.

« Or, he was actually a creep I shouldn't have approached as a thirteen years old. »

He stifled a laugh. « You're here now, though. »

Deceit looked down at his familiar, now curled up between his feet, always in need of human touch when sleepy. « Yeah, » he smiled almost imperceptibly to himself. « I think I'm glad. »

✾✾✾

He remembered the cries.

Howling. Screams. All those different voices he didn't realize actually came from him alone.

Virgil, now seventeen, paced around the forest shack in search of the seemingly absent wizard. Now, where could a blind sorcerer have gone without his familiar?

That was inexplicable. He never left without warning, nor did he leave the animal or the house completely unlocked and devoid of protection charms.

That was … too unusual.

Virgil grabbed his magical belongings and started running.

He had lost control over himself. All he wanted was to prove his power and worth to the other citizens, but there he was, horridly looking at his hands as solid scales made their way through his body, thickening his skin with every second.

The villager ended up following the familiar to a pattern it seemed to know a little too well to be casual; there was another clearing in the forest he hadn't been told to check yet. Deceit had explained there was nothing to be noted in that spot and that he had, consequentially, to ignore it.

Little did he know he was going to find him right there, peacefully sitting on top of a fallen tree trunk.

Alastair was at his side, but his vision was blinded with utmost fear and confusion, his agitated state worsened his condition and a suffocating feeling filled his chest.

« Deceit! »

« Deceit? »

The sorcerer's glance shifted to the spell book at their feet. A formula gone wrong. « What have you done? »

« Deceit? »

His eyes closed shut, his brain on the verge of exploding, his body heating up with impetuous emotions. He felt his shoulders being grabbed, a light flashed before his eyelids and the ringing in his ears ceased.

A slight tap on his left shoulder snapped him back to life, he intook some breath sharply and scrambled to his feet, searching for the source of it with a wary look.

Virgil threw his hands up. « It's me. »

He watched him slowly relax, as if he were trying to hide the fact that his heart had been pounding in his chest just a moment before. The fox immediately brushed its fur between his ankles and lent its sight.

« Didn't see you there. » he attempted at a joke, which failed to be delivered as Virgil's expression didn't change.

« What- »

« -happened? » Alastair's demanding tone had a veil of deep concern.

The citizens.

They had definitely heard. They were going to be after him.

« We need to leave. »

« What are you talking about?» there were barely hints of his voice, more startled noises.

« About them.» Alastair gestured to the window and, in that single motion, he gathered a multitude of meanings and dangers.

« They're not gonna be like that. » how could Deceit still put trust in the people that had already started to despise him was the greatest mystery the sorcerer had ever encountered.

« I beg you to rethink this. »

« It's fine. No need to worry about me. »

« They will turn against you, I assure you. »

« They're not going to end up like that. »

« You can't pretend I didn't see you holding your head like you were having a migraine. »

Monster. Inhuman. Beast. Abnormal. Miscreation. Revolting. Sickening.

They ended up being like that.

Deceit winced, reminiscent of a past wound that still stung right under his skin.

« Want to know how I got this? » he gestured to the scars that traveled down his cheek, cutting his eye in two symmetrical halves.

« Yes. » Virgil didn't hesitate.

« I didn't. »

Virgil shifted slightly, his eyes narrowing as the response set in his mind. Did that mean anything? Was this another life lesson? He kept silent, looking for a clue, when a sad smile formed on the man's lips.

A swift movement of his hand covered the left side of his face and, altogether, the scars vanished, leaving greenish-coloured scales in their place.

Virgil couldn't help but watch as he removed his gloves only to reveal more of them down his arms and fingers.

« There are more. » Deceit declared, his tone was so low Virgil wondered if he was actually suppressing a devilish voice that remained after a failed experience.

« Was this a curse? » the boy analyzed it all from a distance, he could almost feel the magical aura around them.

« I suppose. This is the result of inexperience. » he tapped on the scales on his cheek. « And the reason why I insist on being around when you perform new spells. »

That was when it hit Virgil. He had done that.

« Why do you cover them with an illusion? »

Deceit raised his eyes from the ground where they were implanted and fixated them on him in a blank stare.

« Because people are complete jerks. »

« I don't recall anyone around here apart from you, though. »

« And yet, you found me. You may never know. Prevention is better than cure. » his glance shifted to a pond nearby. « And compassion is better than a death threat. »

Of course, dragon-like skin would have alarmed anyone with enough brains to work out the single danger signal that would have derived from such a sight; scars, though? Empathetic individuals would have simply smiled sadly to themselves and moved on.

Virgil, though? He had an undecipherable expression, like someone had written in hieroglyphics on his face. He understood his decision and respected it, but there was still that sour aftertaste that left him ponder to what extent that situation was okay.

But it wasn't, at all.

Deceit stood up with a deep sigh, his fox trailing after him with silent contentment, with the intention on heading back to his habitation. He was stopped by Virgil's hand on his sleeve.

« Are you going to be alright? » how could he fool him, of all people? Virgil went through similar doleful circumstances, which made him the most understanding of the situation in the first place.

« Why, yes. I was merely reminiscing. » Deceit lied, but didn't move.

« Do you need a hug? »

He turned to face Virgil and offered a half smile while holding back tears.

« Please. »

✾✾✾

There was something fizzy in the air that morning.

Sure, with autumn around the corner, the temperature was on its way to get lower with each day, but Virgil had this sensation in his guts.

He was eighteen in that moment, which made him old and experienced enough in the supernatural to know what that feeling meant.

Virgil felt literal shocks sparkling around him, as if tiny thunders formed in mid air and disappeared the moment they showed themselves. The sound of static filled the silence here and there, lights and flickers made him buzz with an excitement he couldn't give a cause to.

He approached Deceit's home in the woods with a faster pace than usual. Once inside, he saw his literally glowing eyes looking through a woven bag. He heard the clinking of coins.

« What, are you going on holiday? » he smirked and took a seat in front of him.

« Something like that. » Deceit grinned and closed the bag before putting it back on a reserved spot on the wooden counter.

Virgil raised his eyebrow. « Huh? »

« Oh, you're coming with, too. »

« Sure, just let me go ask my parents for permission. »

Deceit let out a short laugh. « I'm serious. » he lifted his yellowish eyes to meet Virgil's, which were slowly growing wider. « We're leaving. »

The boy was stunned. « Wha- Wait, what do you mean? Where are we going? » he stared at the man, who smirked right after.

« The capital's center. Hopefully, also the royal palace. »

Virgil wasn't sure if he had just stopped breathing, or altogether existing. He was sure, on the other hand, of the hit his heart gave to his rib cage, so hard he was worried he'd have a broken bone by the subsequent few seconds.

At the mention of the palace, his hand instinctively flew to a certain golden and emerald bracelet in his pocket.

He hadn't been thinking about that for years.

Seeing that the boy was, for some reason, too taken aback to react, Deceit continued. « I heard they're holding some kind of festival soon. A talents show of sorts? There are going to be people from our kingdom participating, the best three competitors are going to perform in front of the two royal families that will be merged in the upcoming marriage. They're going to decide which of the three is the winner and they're going to let them stay at the palace and, eventually, attend the wedding too. »

To be fair, Virgil wasn't able to pay attention to the details. For the first time in eight years, he was given a chance to, maybe, see Roman again.

The name felt almost foreign even for his own mind.

« What will we do? » the blatant determination with which he spoke gave, right then, a meaning to the previous fizzy air.

« You can perform. » Deceit got up from his seat and approached him, before placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning slightly forward. « Show them dark magic isn't inherently wicked. That was your goal, wasn't it? »

Virgil smiled imperceptibly with the corner of his mouth. He nodded.

« Let's achieve it, then. » he backed away and opened his arms, his yellow glowing irises almost pierced Virgil's body in the dim light.

« Let's make history. »

Previous chapter | Next chapter

[errantknightess]

Such great heights

Pairing: Noctis/Prompto

Word count: 2,159

Summary: Two dorks get stuck on a Ferris wheel.

[Read on AO3]

Insomnia is a patchwork of black and gold below their feet. Spots of lights litter the ground, flickering in bright clusters like some unknown constellations. Usually it’s hard to see the actual stars with all the light pollution from the city, but from this high up, they’re kind of visible too – pale, but there.

That’s what Prompto tries to focus on, looking up instead of down at the dizzying distance back to earth. They’re not even at the top yet; the Ferris wheel spins so slowly that he can barely feel them move. But he knows it’s carrying them farther away with every second, and he really doesn’t need the reminder. So instead he sits back and stares at the purple sky through the transparent walls of the pod. They’re covered in tiny flecks and scratches, like an image from a badly tuned TV. There’s a thin crack in the plexiglass where it meets the metal frame, and another one right above his head.

“This thing has seen better days,” Prompto observes in a weak voice. “You think it will hold us?”

Noctis shrugs with the same unfazed face he always wears. It’s a good look on him, even in the dim ambient light of the cabin.

“Gladio wouldn’t have let me ride if it wasn’t safe. He’d been fussing about security issues for a week. No worries.”

The nonchalance with which he says it is a bit reassuring. Prompto lets himself relax, melting against the hard plastic bench.

“I’m surprised he didn’t insist on riding with you. As your Shield and all,” he muses.

“Not like he could shield me from much up here,” Noctis snorts. “Imagine swinging his sword in this tiny thing.”

“Right.” Prompto glances up over his shoulder, where he can almost see the car that Ignis and Gladio took. “I hope they’re okay. I mean, Ignis kind of had to fold in half to get in and Gladio’s twice the size of a normal person. That can’t be comfortable.”

“They wanted to ride together anyway,” Noctis says. “They’ll be fine. But yeah, it sure looked bigger from the outside.” He pokes the opposite wall with the toe of his boot; he can’t even stretch his leg all the way. “Sorry about that.”

“I don’t mind,” Prompto says quickly. Noct’s arm brushes against his, skin still chilly from the night air outside.

“That’s good.” Noctis gives him a wry smile. “Cause we’re stuck here for one more spin after this.”

In fact, Prompto does mind a little. Being cramped so close next to Noct never bothers him – but being cramped in a small, flimsy box a hundred meters off the ground? Yeah, that’s a problem. There’s no way to solve it now, though, so Prompto does what he does best and tries to shove it deep down with the rest of his problems. They’re almost halfway through, anyway. He can make it. As long as he doesn’t look down.

He takes a deep breath, clenches his fists and stares ahead, where the sea of lights spills over the horizon.

“This city’s so big,” Noctis says quietly. He sounds a bit scared, too, but in a whole different way. Like he’s overwhelmed to realize how much he’ll be responsible for one day.

“Yeah.” Prompto nudges him with his knee. His leg keeps bouncing nervously. “We don’t really think about it every day, huh? It’s easy to forget. Even though it takes me over an hour just to get back home from school.”

Noctis cranes his neck, the tip of his nose just shy of touching the glass. “Can you see your house from here?”

“Nope, it’s way too far from the center… I can see yours, though.” Prompto grins, pointing at the twin towers of the Citadel shooting up over the rest of the city.

“Smartass,” Noctis snorts. Then he leans over Prompto’s lap, screening his eyes with one hand. “Oh hey, my apartment building is down there, too.”

“This one?” Prompto’s hand wavers. He’s has been there dozens of times, knows the way with his eyes closed, but now all the familiar streets are just a bunch of shiny dotted lines. And he really doesn’t want to look at them for too long.

“There.” Noctis grabs his hand and pulls it over the glass, pointing the way. “See that big Ebony billboard? It’s just to the left.”

“Oh.” Prompto nods, staring at their linked hands. His palm feels sweaty in Noctis’s grip. His head starts to spin, even though he’s making an effort not to look down. Noctis is still leaning on him, and still doesn’t let go. Prompto wants to make light of it, scrambles for a joke, but he bites his tongue just in time.

And then he really bites his tongue. The car jolts, the metal bearings screech like a dying zu, and the lights outside stop getting away.

“Ow,” Noct groans from where he’s crumpled in a heap on top of him. He’s clutching his nose, like he’s face-planted into the window. Prompto grabs him by the shoulders and carefully helps him sit back up.

“You okay?” he asks, hands hovering uncertainly over Noct’s face.

“Yeah.” Noctis pulls his own hand away, and it looks like that’s true. He looks around with a frown. “We’ve stopped?”

“Seems like it,” Prompto says, trying and failing to keep his voice from cracking. “What do you think happened?”

Noctis pulls a face. “No idea. The lights are still on, though. Can’t be anything serious. They’re probably gonna turn it on again in a moment.”

Prompto almost believes him. Wants so badly to believe him. “But what if they don’t? What if we have to climb down on our own?”

“I could try warping us both if I have to,” Noctis says. “Better just wait, though. They must have some way to get people down safely if they can’t make it move.”

“Right,” Prompto mutters, more to himself. “That makes sense. Figures they can’t risk it. And they should play it extra safe, since they know you’re here.” He looks at Noct and watches his face fall between two blinks. Neither of them voices what they both must be thinking: what if that’s exactly the reason?

They sit listening to the silence, stock still save for the shiver rattling Prompto’s body. Noctis sure must feel it too for how close they’re pressed side by side, but if he does, he doesn’t say anything. Prompto starts counting the passing seconds, then stops as they turn into minutes: it’s just making him even more nervous.

But nothing happens. There are no shouts, no blaring sirens, no commotion in the brightly lit patch of the fairgrounds as he peeks down between his knees through that damn transparent floor. In a way, this weird calm is comforting. If something was going to happen, it would be happening already.

The pod sways slightly, and for a blessed half second Prompto thinks they’re starting to move again. But then it sways once more, harder, and it’s nothing like the smooth, steady climb from before.

“What’s going on?” He hates how high his voice sounds, even though that’s the last thing he should be worried about now. The car stills for a moment, then trembles again, in a short, uneven burst.

“It’s just the wind,” Noctis says, and now that Prompto listens for it, there is that faint familiar whistle underneath all the ominous rattling. Still, he pulls as far from the wall as he can, until his shoulder is buried under Noct’s armpit and Noct’s elbow might leave a permanent imprint between his ribs. He doesn’t care. And apparently Noctis doesn’t either, because when he shifts, it’s only to reach for Prompto’s arm and squeeze lightly.

“I didn’t know you were scared of heights,” he mutters. There’s no teasing bite to it. He sounds almost apologetic, as if he had anything to apologize for. Prompto lets out an awkward laugh, a near perfect imitation of the squeaking metal around them.

“I didn’t know either, dude. Never been high enough to find out.”

“Lucky you.” Noctis laughs too, and Prompto’s stomach backflips like it always does. “When I was a kid, I got stuck on the ceiling once.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it was dumb,” Noct says flatly; his fingers tap a broken rhythm on Prompto’s wrist. “There are those beams way up across the ceiling in the training hall… And I was finally just getting the hang of warping, and I thought it would be fun to walk on them. You know, like in video games?” He rolls his eyes, like he’s too embarrassed to meet Prompto’s. “So I warped. And it was pretty cool. But then I dropped my sword, and I couldn’t warp back anymore. And there was no other way down. So I sat there. For hours. Gladio was absolutely pissed when he found me. But then he made fun of me for weeks, so… yeah. Now you can too, I guess.”

Noctis looks up at last, and they stare at each other while Prompto fights to get the words through his throat. He doesn’t feel like laughing.

“Dude, that’s…” His mouth feels dry at the very thought. He leans back and the skin at the base of his spine crawls before he hits the bench, like for a blink it just wasn’t there and he was about to tip over into the void. “Yikes. Instant trauma.”

“I was trying to distract you.” Noctis looks at him sideways, scrunching up his nose to match Prompto’s own grimace. “Not helping, huh?”

“Nope.” Prompto cringes into him and clenches his fist into the leg of Noctis’s pants. Maybe if he holds onto something, his body will stop feeling like he’s seconds away from falling. He stares at his feet, trying to remind himself they’re still firmly planted on the floor, but it really does nothing when through that floor he can clearly see the matchbox buildings and pinhead figures all the way down, down, down…

“Hey.” Noct grabs him by the chin and pulls his head up, fixing him with a serious ice-blue gaze. “Don’t look at it. Look at me.”

So Prompto does. It makes his stomach drop the same way, even though the specks of light in Noct’s eyes are so much closer than the ones on the ground. But Noct’s fingers are holding him firm, warm on his skin, and he knows it’s fine. It’s fine. He won’t fall.

He breathes out slowly. The air swirls between them, hitting him hot in the face. Prompto blinks against it, but can’t bring himself to open his eyes again. The tips of Noct’s hair tickle his cheek. Another puff of breath melts on his lips, and then he tastes warmth and chapped skin and the cloying ghost of cotton candy that they both stuffed themselves with right before the ride. It’s even sweeter now. Prompto leans in to chase it, to drink in as much of it as he can. Noct’s mouth is soft and shy, pressing back lightly, just enough to make Prompto’s breath hitch. As far as distraction goes, this is much better.

His head is spinning. Everything starts to sway. Then Noctis yelps against his lips, and Prompto realizes it’s not just in his head. His eyes fly open as he loses his balance and tumbles backward. Noct’s forehead slams into his, so hard he sees white. By the time he blinks it away, he’s slumped against the wall of the pod; Noctis is braced on his elbow over him, and the city lights are slowly crawling away underneath them.

“That took quicker than I thought,” Noctis says. There’s no relief in his voice. It almost sounds disappointed.

He skims his fingers over the throbbing spot between Prompto’s eyebrows. It’s brief, barely there, but Prompto still feels his skin tingle even as Noct pulls away to give him space. Not that there’s a lot of space he can get. When he sits up, they’re face to face once again, and Noctis’s eyes are the bluest they’ve ever been.

Prompto smiles awkwardly – he knows it’s awkward, it has to be; his mouth is twitching and stretching and he can’t control it, no more than he can control his frantic heartbeat. The sinking feeling in his stomach is pulling him down like a lead weight. The gaping space down below is just waiting to swallow him.

So Prompto does the only thing that makes sense: closes his eyes and tucks that stupid smile against Noct’s lips.

It tickles when Noctis smiles back, filling him with a surprised laugh. His hand finds Prompto’s, brushing gently over his knuckles as he laces their fingers together. Holding him safely. He doesn’t let go for a moment while the wheel slowly dips to finish the first round.

When they start to soar again, Prompto is not afraid of falling anymore. He feels like flying.

[shinidamachu]

Window - Part II

Summary: so for te first day of @inukag-week I wrote a follow up to Window on InuYasha’s perspective. I did my best to give you backstory so you can read it even if you missed the first part. Also, I dedicate this to the amazing @dyaz-stories. Prompt: opposites.

Word Count: 2089  Genre: angst but like chill  Fandom: InuYasha  Pairing: Inukag  Format: oneshot  AO3 Link: 🌹  Fanfic.Net Link: 🌹

InuYasha struggled to sleep as the war between his pride and the yearn for seeing her took place inside of him. The half demon had seen it happen times enough to know exactly how it would go.

He would end up at her window the same way he had done every single time before.

It had begun — just like everything else about them, it seemed — unpretentiously and unexpectedly that grew into something as natural as the tides: he couldn’t explain how or why, but it existed and there was no restraining it.

All InuYasha knew when he went after her that first night was that Kagome used to spend damn too much time on the other side of the well for his liking and he had developed the frustrating tendency of getting apprehensive whenever she wasn’t around.

An impulsive act was all it took for him to caught himself petrified outside her window, too late then to turn back, too late at night to demand that she went back with him. Although the half demon had no idea of what to do at the time, he knew what he wanted, and it was nothing more than to be with her.

To this day, InuYasha couldn’t tell how he had conjured the courage to ask her to stay, but it was a good thing he did, for she had allowed him to and he had been showing up at her window ever since.

It was a relieving feeling, knowing she was safe and sound under his protection even if her era had proven itself to be relatively safer than his own and the girl had toughen up as time went by. He just couldn’t help it, mostly because the brutal truth was that he missed her. Completely and truthfully missed her.

Maybe she knew it. Maybe that was the reason why she never questioned him about it, but has always left the window wide open afterwards. Maybe she missed him too. The thought alone could still make something deep inside his stomach melt in the most delightful way.

There was something endearing about sharing this secret — and her bed, for that matter — with Kagome. Not that InuYasha had a problem with sleeping on the floor, but the girl made such a big deal out of it that he finally gave in and in spite of his initial embarrassment, he certainly wasn’t going to complain about it.

The whole thing went without saying. She left, he followed. Simple as that. And InuYasha enjoyed simple, he could do simple. But simple never lasts. Of all people, he should be the one with this lesson engraved deep inside his head.

Now “complicated” didn’t even begin to cover it and his frustration increased with every breath he took. In any other day, at this very moment, they would be together and he could actually sleep instead of just closing his eyes and pretending to.

His friends didn’t seem to be striving against the same problem — as their slow, deep breaths made abundantly clear, they had long ago fallen asleep. Good. InuYasha knew pretty well the reason of his insomnia was five hundred years away and he could easily spend the rest of his bad mood without anybody reminding him that, thank you very much.

Their earlier speech about how he should go to Kagome and make things right between them had actually annoyed him into doing the opposite. Of course they would take her side, they always do — which is mildly irritating, to say the least, but the hanyou was used to it by now.

Unwilling to stay at Kaede’s hut any longer, InuYasha decided to go for a walk, hoping to clear his mind somehow. The hanyou got out to the clouded night, not caring slightly for the drizzle that welcomed him. Before realizing it, he was walking the path that would take him to Kagome and sooner than the expected, there he was at her window again, just like he knew he would.

Now the half demon wished he hadn’t come, because for the first time in what seemed to be forever, the window was closed. The rain on her side of the well had been falling for a long while, InuYasha could tell as he let it soak him head to toe, watching the water bath the glassy surface that viewed to her room.

Maybe it’s because of the rain, a little, pathetic voice in his head tried to argue and it almost made him suppress a scornful laugh — the half demon thought he had sealed away that side of him long ago. Hope was a treacherous thing to have.

Still, he tried to open the window, fiding then that it was locked. The ghost of something highly unpleasant formed in his throat and he unsuccessfully tried to swallow it. So Kagome didn’t want him to come. Fine.

From outside he spotted the miko lying on the bed, but the rain prevented him from knowing either she was awake or not. Intending to enter, check on her and leave before she even suspected he went there, InuYasha tried his best to unlock the damn thing without breaking it into pieces, which he was very tempted to do.

“Fuck!” He let out through clenched teeth when it became obvious the gentle approach wasn’t working.

The hanyou was about to give up when the delicate silhouette of the girl slowly walked towards him, stopping only when they were face to face. For an excruciating moment, InuYasha thought that would be all, but as it turned out, Kagome always had a way of surprising him. The sound of a click made itself heard above the incessant rain, her eyes never leaving his while she lifted the structure open.

Silently, the black haired girl turned away. InuYasha sneaked inside, the warmth and familiar smell of the place involving him right away.

“So…” InuYasha began, whilst Kagome headed to the bed. She had been crying and he took no pride on how obvious it was to him after having seen it so many times — and even less pride on being the reason behind her tears. “You lock the window, now?” The half demon regretted the accusing tone as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

InuYasha turned back to close it himself, muffling the rain and the world outside. She sat on the bed, eyes on her lap as he followed.

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” It was a good thing they used to keep their voices down when in her room because he would be shouting his exasperation otherwise. Although InuYasha doubted it was necessary this time. He could hear her grandpa’s thunderous snoring and Sota entertained with that strange box of his. Her mother wasn’t home.

“You don’t have to be if you don’t want to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kagome looked him straight in the eyes this time, no space for ambiguities.

“You know what it means.” And as a matter of fact, he did.

“I went to see her and we talked, so what? It ain’t like we get all over each other the way you and that pathetic excuse of wolf do.” Kagome stood up and he involuntarily took a step back.

“That’s totally different.” The very idea she actually believed that was hilarious and outrageous at the same time.

“How, exactly?” But he knew the difference, at least for him. It was different because Kagome didn’t have to smell someone else’s scent on him for hours until it would fade away. It was different because she didn’t have to sit and watch as someone else promised to give him everything she couldn’t.

“I’m not in love with Koga, for starts.” Despite the relief her statement gave him, InuYasha shook his head.

“It’s not like that.” It felt like it didn’t matter how hard InuYasha tried to do the right thing by Kikyo and Kagome, he just kept failing both of them and he knew it.

“Oh, please! You kissed her once. I was there.”

“That was before-” Before I realized how madly in love I am with you. The unsaid words lingered there, an invisible barrier between them that he knew he shouldn’t cross.

“I don’t care when it was! This isn’t about Kikyo and it isn’t about Koga, either. It’s about you lying to me.”

“I only lied because I knew you would make a big deal out of it. You always do.”

“I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it if you didn’t give me reasons to.” She stared at him with defiance, their heavy breaths filling the air before they become too aware of their noses almost touching. Kagome was the first to look away. “I’m tired of having the same fight over and over again and I’m sick of feeling the way I do whenever there’s shinidamachu around. So if you want to go, just go. I won’t ask you to stay.”

“And what if I want to stay?” Kagome blinked slowly, arms crossing and lips slightly trembling.

“Then don’t lie to me again. And stop dripping on my floor.” Convinced they were going to be alright, InuYasha paced to the bathroom as silent as possible, barely able to hide his smile.

Once there, he stripped off the suikan — there wasn’t much he could do for the soaked piece, anyway — and with the aid of a fluffy fabric, started to dry himself.

InuYasha was remarkably familiar with good part of her modern utensils by now, specially the ones that composed her scent. The first aid kit, the strange bottles he still hadn’t figured out what were for, the red little stick that makes her lips smell like strawberry and leaves him dying to steal a taste.

Everything about it, just like in her bedroom, was so impossibly Kagome it was both intoxicating and a constant reminder he was the only thing there that didn’t fit.

When he came back, the lights were off and she was already under the covers. InuYasha closed the door and stood there, uncertain of what to do next. He still owed her an apology.

“Are you dry yet?” She sounded sleepy by the minute, so he opted for skipping the question.

“I’m sorry, Kagome.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I mean it. I will never lie to you again, I swear.”

Kagome moved the blanket away to reveal what has been implicitly established as his side of the bed, a peace offer that he gladly took. Sometimes, when the moon abandoned him to his own fortune, it was the only way he would allow himself to rest and on the nights he was really lucky, she would call his name on her sleep. Whenever he laid there beside her, it didn’t feel unfitting at all. It felt like belonging.

There was one thing missing, though, and he waited for it.

“Still mad at me, aren’t ya?”

As if she could read his mind, Kagome sighed before curling up with him, head nestling against his chest — right over his heart — and InuYasha hoped one day she discovered every erratic beat was just for her.

“I’m always mad at you.”

“I ain’t fightin’ you on that.”

He felt more than saw her smile — which only caused his own — and as InuYasha relished on the feeling of having her so close, time passed by unnoticed until Kagome spoke again.

“InuYasha?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do we keep making this so much harder than it needs to be?”

InuYasha contemplated the question for a while. Ultimately, he narrowed it down to one logical conclusion.

“It wouldn’t be us otherwise.”

“I guess you’re right.” Was the last thing she said before drifting to sleep.

As much as he wanted to pretend the whole universe came down to those four walls, InuYasha wasn’t naive. He knew she deserved better than anything he could possibly offer her, that they belonged to different worlds, that departure was inevitable. And he knew the day would come when she wouldn’t open the window anymore.

“But until then…” His eyes closed and he let himself sink into her hair, lips brushing against the black strands, her sweet scent inviting him to relax toward the peaceful torpor of slumber and not for the first time when holding Kagome in the darkness of her room, InuYasha wished for the sun to forget to raise.

A/N: @dyaz-stories now I don’t know if this is what you pictured when you said yo wanted to read a follow up from InuYasha’s point of view but if it isn’t I promise to make it up to you sometime. That being said, I really hope you like it. Je t'aime.

Funny thing: Come In With The Rain started playing while I was writing this piece and now I’ve declared it the soundtrack of this little story until Taylor Nation sues me.

[lokisbuttxrknife]

Jonathan Pine - The Catch - Part 1/2

"Bloody hell he's gone !" I shouted to my partner, Jonathan, from the huge terasse of our room.

I heard him running to me, quickly taking the binoculars I had in my hands before observing the empty appartment that faced ours.

"Damn it" he sweared before getting back into our hostel room, grabbing his coat and giving me mine so I would get dressed quickly.

Robert Hanword, the most dangerous drug dealer alive, who had comited the worst crimes. Anything that you would thought as a nightmare, he would make it a reality, torturing, killing, rapping, selling people as slaves with cold blood. Recently, his new hobby had been to sell weapons to extremes terrorists groups, making the governments go crazy. Dragging him down became one of their priority and so they decided to send the most qualified agents they had for this mission : Jonathan and I.

I had been keeping an eye on our target ever since we arrived at this luxurious hostel in the mountains, and after nights of insomnia scruiting every of his moves I had let my guard down and couldn't helped it but fell asleep. And now I was hating myself for it, feeling so guilty and stupid. What a shame that an agent who had such a reputation as mine lost her target because she felt asleep for an hour ! I looked up to Jonathan who was taking the key of the room, their jingle drawing me from my thoughts.

"Come on Grace, we gotta catch him" he said.

I hurried and soon we were outside, running accross the streets until Jonathan decided that we should separate, to be more efficient and eventually find the man we were looking for. Yet I was disagreeing on that point, feeling like if we separate we would be more vulnerable, which in our situation was dangerous. Something was wrong, I knew it.

"Jonathan, I don't think this is the right thing to do" I started.

"Grace we got no time to argue on that". He shaked my shoulders, his eyes giving anxious looks once every two seconds around us. "One of the most dangerous man is god knows where doing god knows what and nobody know about that except us ! This is what we have been recruited for, we can not fail !"

He took a little black box with a blue button and a red bulb in the middle before putting it into my hands.

"Take this, he said, I got the same. The first who finds Honward gives the alert to the other thanks to this button, right ?"

I nodded.

"It will send our location to our phones, so the other will be able to join the other." He frowned. "You got your phone with you, right ?"

"Of course I do, that's the 101 thing for an agent you fool" I replied giving him a smirk.

He let a quick laugh get out of hsi mouth before taking me briefly into his arms. Even though I was surprised at first, I returned him the hug, smelling his woody fragrance through his shirt. We separated and right before we go in opposite directions to track our man, he looked at me with his sparkling blue eyes, giving me a concerned look.

"Stay safe" he said.

"It will be fine" I replied. "See you in a hurry, Pine" I said before started to run through the dark streets of Geneve.

I could feel Jonathan's stare behind my back until I turned to a corner leading to an alley which was a bit far from the center of the town, which made me overthink. I could not deny, Jonathan was definitely attractive. His blues eyes changing to green depending on the lightning, his sharp jaw line, his smile in front if which any girl could faint, his british humour, his tailored shirt that were fitting him oh so well, letting his muscles show a bit through the fabric... I smiled thinking about the way he was looking at me an hugging me a few minutes ago, as if it was the last time he would see me. Those last days, he had been acting much closer to me than during the past, and was even kind of flirty sometimes. Did he actually cared more about me than what he was supposed to ?

I shaked my head to get him out of my mind. I was not allowed to think about him that way, there were too many risks in this job. This would put both of us in danger, I knew that, as if some people found out there was something going on between us, which was not the case, it would give them an opportunity to put some pressure on the other by capturing one.

While I was walking quietly, I realized both of my co-worker and I were not armed, which was not the best thing to do when you were hunting a man who could kill you with a butcher knife within two seconds. I passed one hand through my hair, as I was usually doing when I was nervous. Something did not make sense in this story. If Hanword did not knew we were watching him, the why did he mysteriously disappeared right when you were asleep ? Why didn't he left when you were secretly spying him ?

Deep down, even though I was was oh so scared to admit it, I knew all of this was anything but a coincidence. I had to face the truth : I did not know how did he managed to, but Honward found out you were after him. That man was sly, after all, and he probably even had moles inside British Intelligence. Jonathan and I were alone in that, we could not really know who to trust, except our chief and recruiter Angela Burr, who's rage and will of revenge over Honward was keeping her alive after he killed her husband. But this was another story, and I had no time to think about it. I needed to focus on what I was looking for and stay on my guard.

Crossing the street I was in, whose lamps were  les lampadaires were vibrating,  making me feel like I was in those kind of old and clichés horror movies, I saw some light coming through an old hangar. I marched along the walls of the old kind of fabric, trying to be as discreet as possible, silently thanking my unconditionnal love for dark clothes, which made me barely noticeable in the darkness of the night.

I entered the building, slowly taking my Swiss knife out of my pocket. I stappled to it as if it was my only way to survive this night. I knew that tracking Honward was a proof of unconsciousness, especially knowing that Jonathan and I were on our own, and that if anything would turn wrong, we would have no way to ask for reinforcements.

I went from one wall to the other before finding myself in front of a metallic staircase. As I approached the stairs, I began to hear voices. His voice. I could have recognized it in front of thousands thanks to all those night I spent listening to his phone conversations we were wiretapping. He was not alone. As far as I could hear, there were two other manly voices there, probably some other dealers he was making business with, I thought.

Suddendly, I saw the light from the ground floor lit, while I heard footsteps coming my way. I went all the way down the stairs as fast as I could, frenetically looking around me while I could feel the panic growing inside me. I noticed some kind of ramschakle archieves library I hid myself behind. I saw the two mens stopping, looking around them to check if everything was in order, silently praying for them not to come over me. The two men went upstairs a few moments later, leaving me in the dark again. I uttered a sigh of relief, putting aside all the tension I had felt during those last minutes.

I went out of my hideout while taking the little black box Jonathan gave me thirty minutes before. I was hesitating in front of that button, asking myself if I should get him involved in that or not. Of course, this  was his job and he was a brilliant agent, that was not the problem. I just did not knew if I wanted him to risk his life to solve a problem that I caused. I knew our chances to make it out alive were not really likely, especially since we did not have any proper weapon. Yet I knew only one of us would not be strong enough on his own to bring Honward and his men down. And he was our priority. The safety of our world was our priority.

Before I would change my mind, I grabbed the little balck box tightly while pressing hard the blue button. A little red light lit on the side, letting me know the informations had been send to my partner.

"Right" I thought. "All I have to do is to explore the ground floor to find a better hideout and then think about a strategy to take that bastard of Honward by surprise, while waiting for Jonathan to show up. I got this"

I went a bit further into the ground floor, waiting for my eyes to adapt to the darkness of the great hall I was in. A heap of huge wooden boxes down the hall caught my attention.

"Boody hell" I thought. "If this is what I'm thinking, we are in deeper troubles than I thought we were"

I opened one of the boxes, putting my hand in front of my mouth as a reflex of despair when I saw what was in there. Guns, bombs, missiles... The people Honward was talking to are probably far from being simple drug dealers. I had to get used to it : the people who were in there were terrorists, men trained for war and torture, who can kill a man without getting any troubles to sleep, as if it was no more than a kind of routine. I was stepping back from the boxes until I tapped against something. The moment it took me to realise it was in fact a man and not a wall, I was hit hard by a iron bar before it all became black around me...

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Hello everyone ! Right, so this is my first OS about Jonathan Pine, hope you'll like this. I know he's not really present in this first part of the story but I promise in the second part it will be ALL ABOUT HIM ! But I wanted to create an ambiant and to get everyone familiar with Garce Dwincher, the main character. Don't hesitate to comment, feed back are really appreciated ! And let me know if you got any OS requests, I'll take it ! Xx

[alia-turin]

Time for more Cor @corleonisweek . I love him so much, I’m totally trying to write somethng for each day, will see how that goes.

Fic Title: The Immortal Week day/Theme: Day 2, Trail of Gilgamesh Rating: G  Characters: Cor, Clarus, Regis, Cid Summary: Cor just lost his fight with Gilgamesh and struggles to accept the fact that he lost. He went trough the challenges with pure stubbornness and arrogance and now neither of these can help him to get over his defeat. 

Tagging: @birdsandivory @jojopitcher @lazarustrashpit @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy @themissimmortal @ladychocoberry @theyearofdiamonddogs @kairakara101

“You failed, boy.” A voice echoed in the darkness, Cor looked around trying to identify the direction, but it was coming from everywhere. He made a step forward, then another one, it was all the same, nothingness. Nothing ahead of him, nothing behind him. Was he dead? If that was the afterlife it was damn boring.

“You are weak.” That same voice echoed again and Cor waved his sword at random direction.

“Why don’t you come and tell me that in my face.” He decided that if he walked ahead, he would reach somewhere or something.  He tried to remember how he got to that nothingness but couldn’t. He remembered going through Gilgamesh’s trails, he remembered meeting Gilgamesh and then…that’s right he cut off his arm. That was sweet. Then things were becoming a bit blurrier. Did he kill Gilgamesh? No, no something else happened. What happened?

“Your arrogance is your weakness, kid.” The voice continued.

“Don’t call me kid.” No response followed.

Didn’t Gilgamesh say that as well? That he was arrogant. Yeah, he did. And Cor had attack and he had attacked again and again, Gilgamesh blocking each attack. Was he injured? He looked at himself, but he couldn’t see any wounds, nor he could feel pain anywhere. Strange, he remembered Gilgamesh getting to him several times. Certainly, he recalled a very nasty injury just below his chest and his arm bleeding so bad that the grip of his sword was all sticky with blood. There was no trace of that.

“Am I dead?” Cor asked the nothingness, but no answer came. He couldn’t be dead. He was Cor Leonis, the youngest member of the Crownsguard. He might have not been gifted with much in life, but he was gifted with sword skill and he couldn’t just die.

“Arrogant boy.” The voice echoed again.  

“Are you reading my mind?” Cor shouted but only laughter answered his words. “Show yourself! I’m the best swordsman on this star, I will make you eat your own words!”

“Best swordsman?” The voice laughed again. “You are only as good as your last battle. Your last battle didn’t end very well.”

“Lies!” Cor shouted. “I chopped off Gilgamesh’s arm, I killed Gilgamesh.”

“Did you now?” A shape appeared in the darkness surrounded by pale blue light. Cor’s eyes were already used to the darkness and hurt as the light appeared but shortly after the shape made sense to him. It was Gilgamesh, looking like a ghost, almost transparent, his arm still attached.

“I killed you!” truth was, he didn’t remember what happened. He wanted it to be truth, but last thing he remembered was fighting and then this darkness he was stuck in. “Am I dead?” his mind was starting to fill with doubt.

“No. I was merciful.” Gilgamesh wasn’t laughing anymore, his voice was flat.

“I don’t want your mercy. Fight me again and kill me or I will kill you.” Cor rushed towards the blue light and tried to slash at Gilgamesh but his sword cut through thin air. He tried again and again until his body eventually collapsed on the ground.

 “He is coming back to it.” Familiar voice spoke as Cor was opening his eyes. Too much light, too bright. “Hey, kid, look at me.” Something hit his cheek. “Cor, look at me.”

Cor finally managed to fully open his eyes, Clarus was staring at him, there were two other people in the room that he didn’t recognize.

“Where is Gilgamesh, I need to…” Cor tried to get up but his body refused to obey. He was in so much pain. Everything hurt.

“Easy, kid.” Clarus placed a hand on his shoulder gently forcing him to stay put. “You have three broken ribs, your shoulder is dislocated, you have multiple injuries all over your body and you have lost way too much blood and they could transfer only as much from mine in you.”

Cor’s memory was starting to come back to him. He fought Gilgamesh. He did good, but not good enough. He chopped off Gilgamesh’s arm and thought he had him but that didn’t even slow down his enemy. He fought until his legs couldn’t keep him standing anymore and then he lost consciousness.

“Did you go in the cave?” Cor remembered his argument with Clarus before he undertook the trails. Clarus telling him that he has nothing to prove, that his place is by the king…he also remembered calling the older man a coward. Who was the coward now? The man who had the brain to fulfill his duty or the arrogant brat that got his ass kicked.

“No. We found you at the entrance two days ago.” Clarus explained.

“Two days ago…” Cor repeated as if trying to remember something.

“We found that.” Clarus showed him a sword that certainly wasn’t Cor’s. “Don’t know what happened with your sword.”

Memories started rushing to his mind. That was right. He fought Gilgamesh and then Gilgamesh took his sword, and Cor sealed the cave. He sealed the cave so he could come back later, so nobody else could fight Gilgamesh. That bastard took his sword.

Cor wanted to turn his back toward Clarus, but his body refused. Instead he just turned his head in the opposite direction.

“What happened in the cave, Cor?” the older man asked but Cor didn’t answer. He stared at the wall and pretended he was alone in the room.

 Days passed, nurses and doctors came to check on him. One of the doctors said he needed physio for his shoulder but Cor just barked at him and send him out. He needed no physio, he failed, he was good for nothing. Clarus came to see him few more times so did Regis and Cid and Weskham. He didn’t talk to any of them. He just looked in the nothingness of the hospital room and thought about his failure. Cor knew how failure tasted, it wasn’t that he never failed at anything. He failed at school, he failed to fulfil his parents’ expectations at times, but he had never failed with the sword. He knew he was the best with a sword and no one could match him. Until now. He wasn’t special anymore. He was just another kid in the Crownsguard. Good for nothing.

“Stop sulking.” Clarus told him. That was visit number three for this week and Cor hasn’t said a word beside shout at a nurse who came to give him painkillers. He didn’t need painkillers he needed his pain to remind him how pathetic he was. “And apologize to the nurse she was cute.”

“You can go after her and apologize with your dick.” Cor didn’t say that very loud, but Clarus heard it. The man grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him up forcing him to sit on the bed.

“What has gotten into you? Someone spanked you and you are even more insufferable than you used to be.” Cor tried to turn his head away, he couldn’t look at Clarus but the older man grabbed his face and forced him to look at him. “I’m talking to you. What’s your issue? Take it out and be done.”

“I don’t have an issue. I just wish…” he felt something wet around his eyes. He was crying. That was how weak he was, he was crying like some little kid. “I wish I was dead.” He said between two sobs.

“Why?” Clarus asked him as if that was the weirdest thing in the word but it seemed so natural to Cor. Dying is what he deserved. “Because you got your ass kicked? There will be always a better fighter than you, Cor. There will be always someone stronger. There will be always someone better.”

“But I am the best! There is nobody better.” He shouted so loud aq nurse had to check on them but Clarus made her a sign to leave. “I was somebody, I was going to be undefeated, greatest swordsman in history, hero of Insomnia. Now I’m nothing.”

“Kid, you have two modes, don’t you?” Clarus wasn’t holding him anymore and the expression on his face had softened. “Cor ‘Fight me’ Leonis and Cor ‘I failed’ Leonis. You need to use your experience to learn something. Learn to lose, learn to see where you went wrong and correct it. Is that all you got out of that cave? The fact that you failed? Look.” Clarus threw something at him and with great effort Cor managed to lift it. It was a newspaper. The title page was reading ‘Cor the Immortal’. The article went on and on how he was the strongest and braves man in the Crownsguard, how he was the first man to survive encounter with Gilgamesh. He started turning the pages, there were different articles written by different people, some discussing Cor’s background, current condition and if he really was immortal.

“Cor the Immortal.” He repeated out loud. “I hate it.”

“You might hate it, but these people see more in you, than you see in yourself. You didn’t fail, Cor. You learned a lesson.” Clarus took the newspaper from his hands and walked towards the door. “I will check on that nurse. I will see you tomorrow.”

Cor thought of saying thank you, but he wasn’t ready for that yet. He was puzzled how everyone saw success in his failure. Then again there was a good argument in favour of considering being alive as success. Gilgamesh had changed him and he could feel it. It has been a week since their encounter and Cor had never felt so miserable. It was completely new feeling. Self-hate and self-doubt were also destroying him from the inside, but again those were new feelings. Gilgamesh was right, Cor was weak, but he began to understand now what sort of weakness he was talking about. It wasn’t physical weakness, it was weakness in his mind. His stubbornness and arrogance made him weak. Clarus was also right, and he had laughed in the man’s face for being an adult. Clarus had told him he doesn’t want to throw his life away, his life was dedicated to protecting Regis, and Cor called him a coward. Now Cor could see it wasn’t cowardice that stopped Clarus, but duty. He wanted to build an argument for himself that it was duty that send him in that cave, but he had to be honest with himself. It wasn’t duty, it was pride and that same pride landed him on his ass beaten. He was going to learn. He was going to become better man and then show Gilgamesh.

[miss-scientia]

Noctis x Fem!Reader - The Stranger in the Coffee Shop

So, as you all know I’ve not written anything for a while - I’m so sorry! But in the midst of writing my dissertation, I’ve also been writing a Noctis x Reader story I’ve thought about for a while now. Took a few days but here it is, the first part! If you enjoy or think it would be worth continuing, please let me know! Hope you like! ~

Noctis x Reader SFW WC: 3400

In sheer desperation to escape his upcoming duties, Noctis leaves the castle one night to wind up in a coffee shop. He gets talking to a stranger in there, and he comes up with a crazy plan to get him out of his responsibilities - fake marriage!

Slightly AU since it wouldn’t fit into the timeline in reality!

..........

Taking a deep breath, Noctis walked on through the moonlit streets of Insomnia, his heavy steps stomping dully as he trudged on. Long strands of ebony hair fell into his eyes but he barely noticed, focusing on the path in front of him. Wrapping his long fingers around his goose-bump ridden arms, he let out another sigh.

Damn it, really wish I had grabbed my jacket on the way out.

As the prince wished for warmth, his eyes caught sight of a soft light streaming out of the window of a near-by shop. It illuminated the path before him, the gentle glow of the light becoming incredibly welcoming. He shivered, finally looking up at the building.

Who knew a coffee shop would be open this late?

But Noctis didn’t take much time to deliberate it, the cold air increasing its cool grip on his exposed forearms. He was only grateful that there was somewhere open and inviting at this late time of night. Eagerly the prince closed his frozen fingers around the door handle, pushing open the glass door to be greeted by a rush of warm air.

An appreciative sigh left his lips as he allowed the heat to wash over his figure welcomingly, the door shutting behind him with a soft clack. Looking around he found the place unsurprisingly empty, save for a lone figure sat at one of the tables with her head bent over a laptop, forgotten cup beside her still holding whatever drink she had bought. Otherwise there were no other customers than just the two of them.

Perfect.

Slowly Noctis chose a seat away from the windows, settling into the leather with yet another sigh. His eyes fluttered shut as he finally relaxed, letting his shoulders droop and his head lower against the back of the chair.

What a nightmare that had been…

Prompto would be looking for him, he was sure of it. In fact, so would the other two, combing the streets of Insomnia for a sign of the prince who had left the castle in such an angry rush. The thought projected the image of his father’s face on the back of his eyelids, disappointment touching his features. Regis hadn’t said anything. Not a word. And for some reason, that had made the situation all the more uncomfortable for Noctis.

I’m just not ready. I can’t do this. The words repeated themselves over and over in his head like a mantra. The king of kings? No way. Absolutely not.

“Hey there, what can I get y’all?”

An energetic voice brought Noctis out of his revere, his eyelids opening to see a young looking woman with a short crop of blonde curls stood before him. She held a small note pad in one hand, pencil poised in the other with a warm smile on her face. Having not read anything on the menu, Noctis replied lamely;

“Uh, a coffee?”

The woman’s smile didn’t falter, causing him to wonder how many other people had requested the same unspecific caffeinated drink.

“Any particular type you’d like?”

“Uh… ebony?” The question was evident in his voice, but it was the first coffee he could think of thanks to a certain advisor…

The only decision he’d agree with tonight. The prince almost grimaced.

“Sure thing! I’m Cindy, and I’ll have your drink over in a jiffy Prince!” And with a bouncy walk she headed back over to the counter to prepare the requested drink. However, the last part of the sentence didn’t fail to escape his notice, drawing yet another sigh from his lips.

Can’t go anywhere to escape this title…

Once again Noctis settled back into his seat, hoping he couldn’t be viewed from the window in his current placement. He wanted a few moments peace before he was inevitably found, and boy would he be in trouble once he was found. Thinking about the long, obligated lecture from Ignis alone was enough to make him groan into his hand.

“You’re sighing an awful lot over there.” A soft voice once again interrupted his inner monologue, however it was different from the first. Lifting his sapphire gaze, his eyes landed on the other customer in the café tucked into the corner of the room. She had finally lifted her head up from her laptop, her eyes reflecting the tired feeling Noctis himself felt.

“Got a lot to sigh about.” He answered dully, slouching back against the soft leather of his seat.

She scoffed.

“Really?”

“Yes.” His answer was short, his eyebrows puckering in a slight frown of annoyance.

“But you’re a Prince.”

It was Noctis’ turn to scoff.

“So? Maybe I don’t want to be.” He grumbled, not really looking at the woman sat across from him.

“But your life must be so… worry free.”

“That’s where you are wrong.” His eyes slid to the floor as he spoke, eager to end this conversation with the stranger in a coffee shop. She clearly didn’t understand what he was feeling, just another person who believed status equalled happiness, and that was what he really didn’t want right that second.

“Enlighten me then. What could possibly trouble the Crown Prince Noctis enough to come here at this time of night?” The woman continued, tilting her head curiously as his gaze once again lifted to hers.

“You’re full of questions aren’t you?” He grunted and she shrugged in reply.

“I’d like to know how the other half live, y’know? I bet our worries are vastly different.” She sighed, her eyes casting down to look back at her laptop screen, the blue light casting a glow over her face once more.

The other half huh? Me too. Noctis wondered. It would indeed be nice to know what it would be like to live his life without it being predetermined for him, without the knowledge that weighed so heavily on his shoulders regarding his future.

“Here ya go – nice an’ hot for y’all. Drink it up now.” Cindy suddenly returned with a steaming cup on a tray, setting down the ceramic container in front of the prince as a rich, deep scent infiltrated his nose. The heat radiating from the coffee was pleasant, warming the prince’s hands as he wrapped his fingers around the cup. Smiling, he thanked Cindy who smiled in return before heading back behind the counter.

Before he could stop himself, his eyes returned once more to the girl across from him still glancing at the screen in front of her. She tapped away slowly, her eyes revealing how tired and fed up she felt. Noctis found himself feeling… bad for her. No, bad was the wrong word. He empathised with her. He too, was extremely tired and fed up at his situation, but what, he wondered, could be bothering her? Against his better judgement, Noctis gripped his coffee at the handle and rose from his chair. The sound of his boots across the laminate flooring alerted her to his presence and she looked up, surprise registering in her eyes as the prince stopped at the chair seated opposite hers.

He lifted an eyebrow in question, and after a moment she nodded. Noctis set his coffee down and settled in his new chair. It wasn’t as comfy as the soft leather had been, but he concluded that was the point. It was clearly where people could sit to do work, and again he wondered about the laptop set before the girl.

“What, uh… what is your name?” Noctis started, not quite sure how to begin a conversation with a complete stranger from a coffee shop he’d entered on a whim.

This isn’t something I pictured myself doing recently.

She looked at him from over the lid of her laptop, her eyes creasing slightly as she smiled.

“[Name].” She told him, and he nodded. He opened his mouth to reply but she shook her head before he could.

“I know who you are Prince Noctis, there isn’t a person in Insomnia who doesn’t.”

“Yeah… fair.” He nodded, feeling even more awkward than before. He really couldn’t escape that title even for a few moments.

“I… I’m writing.” She offered suddenly, sensing his discomfort and feeling a little bad about it. To ease the silence, she finally offered something up about herself.

“You are?”

“Mmhmm, which is why I’m currently stressed.” She sighed, leaning a cheek into her hand in resignation.

“What are you writing about?”

“Now who’s full of questions?” One brow perfectly arched as a small smirk graced her lips. Noctis rolled his eyes.

“Okay, you got me. Well… I’ve well and truly fucked up tonight.” He offered in resignation. As he spoke he realised he just wanted to get the words of his chest, to have an impartial party to talk to about the situation. This girl sat in front of him, with her chin resting on her hand, warm eyes keeping his gaze and friendly smile, posed the perfect opportunity to release some of the frustration pent up inside.

“How so?”

And he just let go.

“I told my dad I don’t want it. I don’t want to be king. He thinks I’m… I’m not responsible enough for what I have to do and I can tell. He doesn’t have to say it, but it’s there.” Noctis folded his arms on the table and dropped his head into the gap. He’d left out of course, the whole king of kings, saving the world stuff he didn’t even want to think about himself, let alone tell it to a stranger.

“Ah, that sounds rough…” Her voice had softened, and with a gentle ‘clip’ Noctis heard her shut her laptop. This caused him to lift his head questioningly, seeing that she was prepared to give him her full attention.

“Yeah, sucks a little. Tensions are high y’know. I just had to get away from it a little bit.”

“Mmm… sorry.”

“Huh?” Noctis sat up to look at her properly, seeing that her gaze had lowered and was that… a blush beginning to form on her cheeks?

“About earlier. I know it can’t be easy being a prince, I was just… stressed out myself.” She apologised, fiddling with her sleeves.

“It’s uh, fine. You didn’t know. What has you stressed anyway?” Noctis asked, eager to shift the focus away from himself currently. She gestured to her laptop in answer before she spoke.

“I have a deadline to meet. I… I’m a reporter.”

Noctis’ blood ran cold. A reporter? And he had foolishly revealed what had happened to her.

Oh shit, I am royally fucked.

The panic in his eyes must have been evident as she immediately waved her hands and shook her head.

“No! I haven’t written anything about what you have just said, I promise. I’ll let you have a look at my laptop if you like, I haven’t got a word down. I mean, I won’t lie, I was going to which is why I was so inquisitive to start off with. But what you just told me now… it seems too personal to report.” Her voice tapered off towards the end, and Noctis regarded her cautiously. Her eyes were wide, and palms faced towards him in a gesture of peace. She didn’t seem like she was lying, and she had closed her laptop straight after he’d finished speaking. That hadn’t been enough time to write anything, surely?

For some reason, Noctis trusted her. He knew she wasn’t lying.

“Okay. Thank you.” He nodded, and she relaxed at his apparent acceptance of apology. A few moments passed in silence, both taking sips from their drinks until Noctis suddenly scrunched up his nose.

“You’re drinking that?” He asked, gesturing to the cup in her hand.

“Yeah, I mean, I paid for it?” She answered in confusion, checking her cup for any stains or anything that would make it undrinkable.

“Isn’t it cold?”

“Oh, yeah. Stone.”

Noctis wrinkled his nose in disgust once more, causing her to laugh.

“It’s not that bad.”

“I’ll take your word for it, and continue to drink my warm coffee.”

“What coffee even is that?”

“Ebony, apparently.”

“Ugh, see that’s even worse than my cold one.”

“I know a spectacled man who would vehemently disagree with you there.” Noctis mumbled looking down in his cup, thoughts of his predicament returning at the mention of Ignis.

“Hey, why don’t you get married?”

Noctis spluttered at her suggestion, almost spilling his remaining coffee as he started.

“What?”

“It’s just a suggestion. It’s a great way to show your dad you’re responsible without actually having to do much, marriage always make you look grown up.” The slight smirk had returned, rolling her eyes at the prince’s reaction.

“Marriage is your great idea?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll pass.”

She shrugged her shoulders in return, bringing her cup to her lips once more, this time so she could mumble into the rim.

"Chicken prince."

"...what was that?"

And once again Noctis was blessed by her little smirk, just twitching at the corner of her lips as she shrugged once more.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean..."

"Tch, really?"

"Oh yep." Her smirk grew more pronounced at the prince's look of disbelief, until she couldn't help herself and giggled at his expression.

"I'm not a chicken." He mumbled, almost sullenly which only proved to make her giggle more.

"So you did hear me then."

"Yeah, I mean, it wasn't very quiet."

"That was the point."

Noctis sighed and rested his hands in his lap, looking down to wrap a loose thread around his index finger.

Ignis will want to fix that I suppose...

"It's not that simple, even if I did want to get married." He mumbled, a familiar blonde face swimming into vision, reminding him of his duty.

"How do you mean?"

He didn't quite know why, but there was something about this stranger that made him want to just tell her everything. Was it because she wasn't affiliated with the castle in anyway? Or was it her friendly nature? Or the way her voice sounded so inviting when she lowered it like that?

Or perhaps she really is a dam good reporter.

Either way, she drew him in easily, and he found himself wanting to share his thoughts with her.

"There... there is something I have to do as Prince, to help keep the peace as you have to. But... I don't really want this, and I don't want to hurt her feelings or-"

Noctis was suddenly cut off by a loud, sharp bang at the door. Instinctively he swivelled in his chair to face the sound, and was met by a bright flash.

"Ah!"

The light was disorienting, but as his vision cleared he heard many voices talking at once, all sounding very excited.

"He's here!"

"We've found him!"

"Get the shot before anyone else does, just keep snapping!"

Various clicks echoed around the raven haired boy as he rubbed his eyes to rid them of the pain. Once he opened them little specks of blue and red dotted in his eye line.

Great.

And finally, his eyes settled on the scene before him.

Even better.

In the quaint little cafe stood at least ten different reporters and a few with cameras, snapping away at the prince as he sat dumbfounded. Cindy had appeared, and was doing her best to shoo them out but none of them were listening - they were eagerly shouting questions at him, scribbling furiously on their notepads to get the scene down. Noctis turned to face his recent companion to find that she too looked very taken aback at the scene.

Their eyes locked, and she mouthed;

"What the fuck?"

To which he just shrugged and shook his head to symbolise that he too didn't really understand. He was just about to ask the reporters just what it was they thought they were doing, when a loud, deep voice cut across the excited babble.

"Noctis!"

It made his heart plummet to his stomach.

They found me...

Sure enough, the hulking figure of Gladiolus Amicitia strolled in through the cafe shop door, the reporters standing back instantly though still snapping away. A short, blond boy entered after him, and a lean tawny haired man after. Each wore a different expression - one of annoyance, one of stern disappointment, and one of worry.

"There you are at last." Ignis stepped forward towards the table, his eyebrows pulled down into a very stern frown as he approached.

"Yeah... here I am." Noctis knew his nonchalant tone would only serve to further annoy the advisor, but at that particular moment, he didn't care.

"Do you mind telling us what the heck you were thinking storming out at this time of night? Regis was going mad!" Gladio's strong brow was pulled down into a frown, his eyes flashing in anger.

"I only went for a midnight stroll."

"A-a midnight stroll?"

"I feel it would be best if we were to continue this conversation within the privacy of the castle." Ignis intervened swiftly, making reference to the many excited reporters in the room. Gladio took a quick look around, then stood up straight and looked away from Noctis in quiet agreement.

"Uh guys?" Prompto managed to get his voice heard over the din in the room. And he asked a very good question.

"Who is that?"

And just like that, all eyes in the room turned to face the girl who had only wanted to come in to finish her article off in her favourite coffee shop. Noctis glanced at her apologetically, her eyes wide and face slightly resembling that of a deer caught in headlights.

"Ah... ah, I'm just..."

"Noct, is she your girlfriend?" Prompto blurted suddenly, and the prince swore he could almost taste the tension in the air at those words.

"N-no!" A deep red began to creep into her cheeks as once more everyone turned to look at the mysterious [h/c]. All of a sudden, the flash was going crazy once more, this time however they weren't pointed at Noct.

As Noctis watched the cameras flash and the shocked looks from his royal guard friends, an idea blossomed in his mind. He had no idea what compelled him to do it - possibly the conversation they had earlier, but the words were coming out of his mouth before he could stop them.

This is my chance!

"She's not my girlfriend, she's my fiancé."

The entire cafe was suddenly rendered quiet at the prince's outburst. He dared not to raise his eyes and actually look at the girl he'd professed to be his fiancé, for fear of what look she might be giving him. It was like his heart had stopped, the pressure of her reply weighing on his shoulders.

Ignis' eye twitched.

"She's your... what?"

"We're engaged, specs." He forced himself to remain sounding as uninterested as possible, but it was hard with a lump the size of a hefty rock in his throat.

"Come now, you surely jest?" Ignis' voice dipped low, as if he was offering Noctis a last way out. Even Prompto was regarding the tawny man cautiously.

"No, it's true. We are engaged." Finally, Noctis summoned all the courage he could muster to look up at his fake fiancé, pleading with his eyes.

For the love of the gods, please agree...

She regarded him silently for a few moments, his heart racing in his chest at her silence. There was a glint in her eye, and Noctis wasn't sure if she was amused or really fucking pissed. But then-

"Yes. We are engaged, and have been for a while."

The reporters erupted, snapping pictures of the two companions sat at the table. Both could almost see the headlines tomorrow - and both had to stifle a groan.

Ignis' eyes were like ice, his voice clipped and short.

"I see. Well, we must invite her to the castle, to get her settled in. Make haste." And with that, the advisor turned on his heel and left. Gladio shook his head in disbelief, and followed after him. Prompto looked at Noctis, his blue eyes wide with some emotion... emotion that looked like... hurt. And he too, left the shop.

With a heavy heart, Noctis turned to his saviour, awkwardly offering out his arm for her to take.

"Well, shall we?"

[promptistrashqueen]

Only Bad People1 (SWCDB3)

Part 1  Part 2  

Today is my birthday, and I'm riding high    Hair is dripping, hiding that I'm terrified

Prompto took a deep breath, gripping the obsidian edges of the counter. He stared at his pale reflection, blue eyes blown wide, in Noctis' bathroom. He only managed to appear even whiter against the black and white color scheme and his panic kicked up a gear. His wet hair dripped into his eyes and he forced himself to count his airflow, two short inhales and one long exhale, until his heartbeat calmed and he could think straight.

It had been weeks since his...mishap...with Noctis' organization and he was finally healed, the last of his injuries his missing fingernails. Tiny new ones were starting but he was still wearing the special covers Ignis had ordered him to protect the sensitive skin. In those weeks so much had happened to him that he was having trouble believing it was real, that this was his actual life.

He wasn't unhappy, quite the opposite in fact. Living within the walls of the Lucis Crime Syndicate (a title Prompto imagined with big capital letters) had a unique set of rules he was still learning to navigate while holding onto himself. He was standing over the sink now because he knew once he dried himself and dressed that he would have to address THE ISSUE, as he had dubbed the inked lines on his wrist. Regis had been content to let Noctis handle it, until it became evident that Noctis had no intention to ever do so. Prompto had been grateful for the reprieve Noctis had offered him though, allowing him to heal and make the decision to talk about his past in his own time and Prompto had promised them both he would talk that day.

He shook his head once more, droplets splattering the mirror, now or never. As he rubbed the towel through his hair he thought back to meeting Regis for the first time.

 Noctis' smile didn't reach his eyes when he stepped into his, well their, room and Prompto was immediately on edge.

 "Hey Sunflower."

 Prompto couldn't help but blush at the greeting, Noctis had taken to calling him the endearing nickname a few days prior, as he gave a little wave. His worried look must've been askance enough because Noctis took his hand, remaining standing beside the bed.

 "My father will be here in a moment, he was very insistent he meet you," Nocti's thumb rubbed circles over Prompto's skin, "just be you, he can be intimidating as hell but you're made of tougher stuff."

 Prompto snorted in disbelief, staring now at the door as he and Noctis both stayed quiet. Footsteps, even and firm, were their warning before the door opened again revealing Noctis' father, Regis Lucis, head of the most powerful crime syndicate in Insomnia, hell probably in the world. Prompto was surprised to note the man seemed to favor one of his legs as he neared the bed, though it didn't change the sound of his steps notably.

 "Prompto Argentum. I'm sure you know who I am."

 Regis didn't extend a hand but Prompto wasn't worried about that since his only good hand was still in Noctis' grasp. The cool appraisal in Regis' gaze made him a little uncomfortable but he was used to being looked at with judgement and just gave the man his signature new-person smile.

 "If I didn't sir, I'd be as oblivious as Noctis."

 There was a moment of silence and then Regis laughed, even as Noctis glared at his lover.

 "Noticed that did you? I'm sure you've been keeping him on his toes more lately. I must admit he's certainly been more focused on getting things done quickly, I imagine, too spend more time with you."

 Prompto felt his cheeks color but refused to drop the older man's gaze as he deadpanned.

 "So he's moving at the peace of a concerned turtle now?"

 Noctis shrugged helplessly as his father glanced at him in surprise,

 "Well, he's certainly got your number Noct. Now...I'm leaving tomorrow for some negotiations with Cor but I'd like to have dinner with you both tonight, provided Prompto is feeling up to it?"

 They shared a look and Noctis nodded with a small smile.

 "Yeah, we'd like that...I guess that means I ought to start teaching him protocol though..."

Prompto is pulled from his memories as he steps out of the bathroom fully dressed in some of the clothing Ignis had bought him. It feels odd to be dressed like Noctis usually is, a white button down and charcoal three piece though, Prompto has opted to forego a tie and his top buttons sit open. Noctis looks up at him from his seat near the door and it takes him a moment to speak.

"Damn, I should have Ignis shop for you more."

Prompto sticks his tongue out at his soulmate, feeling the need to do something silly with all of his tension.

"You just want me to dress like you, newflash, I'm way cooler."

Noctis just scoffs but, there's an underlying warmth that makes Prompto smile and bump his shoulder good-naturedly. His smile fades though as he tugs nervously at his jacket, the door opens and Gladio nods to them. Prompto doesn't hold anything against the large man but Noctis has been cold toward him anyways and Gladiolus only talks to them when he has too. That's something else Prompto supposes he ought to try and facilitate a change in, since it is in part his fault.  Now though he has a different challenge to face as they walk down the dark paneled hallways to the large formal dining room on the ground floor.

In his time in the manor Prompto has secretly decided that it must've been built by maze-enthusiasts as there is no real sense to any part of the layout, except the kitchen and dining room being placed together. He is glad for his exploring though, it allows him to walk now without focus and Noctis doesn't break the silence that enfolds them. Too soon they are pushing open the heavy walnut doors and depositing him in front of Drautos, Cor Leonis, Cid (who Prompto is less afraid of) and Regis.

The men look at him and Noctis for a long moment, gesturing them to sit only after Prompto clears his throat uncertainly and glances at the empty chairs. He isn't sure if it's better with him seated but, at least this way his legs won't give out. He folds his hands on the table in front of him, his usual wristband is gone, baring the black ink on his wrist. He sees Noctis' gaze dart to it as well as the other men and he cringes a little, sure they notice the angry redness of it where he cannot help himself scratching at it sometimes. There's a burn mark at the edge too, from a teenage tantrum when he attempted to burn it off of himself but was stopped by the pain.

"Weak," the old doubt hisses to him but he lifts his chin and ignores it.

 I'm not in the swing of things    But what I really mean is    Not in the swing of things yet

The room is silent except the breathing of its occupants and Prompto realizes they are all waiting for him to speak, so, swallowing hard, he does.

"Um, I guess I should start at the beginning?" Regis nods once and Prompto licks his lips.

"I wasn't born in Insomnia...I'm from Imperium. The Nifs run the whole city, like you guys do here I guess, only when I was a kid the leader wasn't...The guy was a sadist and he liked just grabbing random people off the street and screwing up their lives. My mom, she got nabbed on her way home from work and they sold her to the highest bidder. Whoever he was, he's my father. I was born and they let my mom take are of me until I was old enough to talk. She knew they'd kill her once I could form sentences so she tried to teach me not to speak around anyone else, I was so little though, and I failed her. They took me away form her on my fourth birthday and I never saw her again. They tried to make me hate any of the other families, especially the Lucis' and they gave me their mark really early. I guess they thought if I was raised one of them I'd be loyal and useful...It's kinda dumb how I got away from them really. This guy named Izunia, he took me for a walk and let me wander too far away. I got really lost, I was not quite five, and started crying. I think he thought it would be a good punishment since I kept asking him questions about things I saw, but there was a couple walking down the street who came to help me. I kept telling them I didn't wanna go back and they saw the barcode...Like I said, the Nifs run the place so everyone knows what it means. They didn't turn me over though, I don't really know why, they just put me in their car and told their neighbors they were going camping for a night. I don't know how they did it but they did it for me, they brought me here and started a new life. I took their last name, Argentum, and everything...They died in a car accident my sophmore year of college."

Prompto blinks the wetness out of his eyes remembering the kind people who were his truest parents, even if they didn't always have a lot of time for their rescued son. He didn't say that he'd thought their accident was suspicious for a long time, figuring it was old news anyways. Noctis pressed a hand to his arm and Prompto smiled at him a little before they both turned to look at the older men, waiting.

The four of them leaned together and conversed in low voices that Prompto could only just make out. He didn't try to listen in though, letting the sound of his accelerated heart rate drown them out as Noctis leaned over and pressed his forehead to Prompto's temple silently. After what seemed like hardly anytime at all the four men sat back, Cid and Drautos looking relaxed. Cor seemed a bit tense around the eyes but not hostile. Prompto looked to Regis last and found a warmth behind the mans taciturn exterior that gave him hope.

"Well, Mr. Argentum, I hardly think you're a threat if everything you've told us is true and regardless, you and my son are fated. We will look into your story of course, to double check, and until we are clear you will remain under mild surveillance. I'm afraid that means you will have to continue living here for a short time. Noctis has already informed you of the expectations around meals and the training you are to receive as well as our confidentiality enforcement so I do not think I need to say more. I'm sure we will have enough proof of your statements by the end of the week if not sooner. The both of you are dismissed."

Prompto, in his relief, doesn't think twice about protocol as he pushed his chair back and stands with a smile and a bit of a bounce. He is at the door when he realizes his mistake, looking back to Noctis who stands by the table and inclines his head toward his father regally. Regis just looks lightly amused at Prompto's misstep and so the blonde doesn't try to fix it, just catches Noctis' hand and pulls him outside for a short walk in the garden.

"It's ridiculous that you even have a garden."

Noctis just smiles at him and shrugs in a "what do you do?" kind of way that makes Prompto roll his eyes. He winks at Noctis and pulls out his phone, snapping pictures of them both surrounded by the summer blooms.

 Hey, promise I can stay good    I'm little, but I'm coming for the crown    I'm little, but I’m coming for you

Noctis raps the door to his father's study with sharply timed precision, his suit impeccable and not a hair out of place. He doesn't know why Regis has called him but assumes it has something to do with the confirmation they had received of Prompto's story. He doesn't think it needs more scrutiny but, he is learning to pick his battles,courtesy of one talented photographer. Regis calls for him to enter and he steps into the room that has seen so many heavy conversations the air seems saturated with them.

His father is in full King mode, as Noctis coined it. His brow is heavy and he motions for his son, his negotiator and deal-maker, to have a seat.

"I have a contact who tells me that Kilidare Mitchell is planning to defect from Nifs suppliers. He and his partner Fillian have the tightest control over weapons trade with the northern nations and a reputation for being two of the most valuable assets out there. They've even been hired, at various times, to help the governments of multiple nations and they personally guard the Oracle Lunafreya Nox Fleuret when she travels to meet dignitaries in their native lands."

Noctis nods, he is used to making deals with these sorts of men and has heard a lot about Kilidare in previous dealings. They have kept an eye on the man for some time, both to guard against his movements and to spot a time to sway him to their side. A time which had apparently come. Regis doesn't need a reply and simply continues,

"I don't know why they are thinking of making the change but they have agreed to a meeting with you the day after tomorrow...I have been cautioned that they put high value on personal relationships and prefer to work with others who have at least cursory respect for that. I have it on authority that they are also very personable and warm, disarmingly so, and you are not the best at dealing with such things. Given the nature of their own relationship I thought it might be for the best to send Ignis and Gladiolus-"

He paused at Noctis expression and allowed a slight curl of his lips,

"I am not as blind to happenings in my own home as you would like to believe Noctis. I wish them their happiness. As I said I thought to send them, but thinking on it I don't believe that anyone who does not know the two of them would believe it. Gladiolus has a reputation that preceeds him and he and Ignis are, frankly, too good at what they do. I need someone who is unintentionally charming and who can talk to people, and I need you to handle the business side."

Noctis looked suspiciously at his father and set down the glass of water he had picked up from a proffered tray.

"So, who are you sending with me?"

Regis idly looks at his hands, letting the silence stretch. Eventually he engages his son again and his expression and tone leave no room for argument.

"Prompto, of course."

[femto-jiokichi]

About the scene in Chapter 10

[katesjourneytofindhappiness]

Sunday, May 6th 2018 Day 1

I feels ridiculous to be back on this silly website. But I think during the next few months it could be very therapeutic to get my thoughts in order and in the past this has been a really good outlet for me. So. Anyway. Due to recent events I am beginning a quest for self betterment. Today is Day 1. And it will go on for the rest of my life I think. It starts with me journaling again. Something I've wanted to go back to for a long time. Let this be the first accomplishment of many to come. 

It feels surreal. 

But I’m okay. Everything I thought I was so sure of is cloudy now, but it’s okay. I’m pretty angry with myself. But I also feel incredibly driven, angry in a positive way, if that makes sense.

It makes it that much worse that I also truly saw all of these things during the past couple weeks. And I was so ready to let all of it go, to start over, to move forward with new purpose, direction, and confidence. Stress has been eating me alive, and the jury is out on whether that is something you can control.  Can you just chose to get over it? To put on a smile and actually believe it? Or is it something chemical, beyond my ability to reign in. I’m sure it’s probably a mix of both. Is it an excuse to say it’s something you can’t control? Probably.

It’s funny because everything I had put so much pressure on myself to achieve seems so insignificant now. How does any of it matter anymore? I know of course that it does, and of course I still want to make the best future for myself, but it’s as if my eyes were closed for the past year and now suddenly they’ve opened. I think the hardest pill to swallow about all of this is that I had this epiphany while watching Hector’s Journey to Find Happiness or whatever the hell it’s called, and you know that feeling when it just HITS you? Not in the typical way when you have little flashlight moments and you’re like, “ohhhhhh, hmm there’s a thought”. No, I mean one of those rare, major, life-changing moments when it’s like, “HOLY SHIT THIS IS IT!”. Well that’s how I felt a few days ago, and when I came home that over-the-top stress and anxiety should have hit me. But it didn’t. I felt really happy honestly. Aside form the unshakeable feeling that something was off. On Friday I watched this Bat-dad video and I was laughing with such care-free joy and I realized that it was all okayyyyyy. And sure, people have been telling me that for the past year of my life but this time I really felt it, really knew it.

And I was so damn excited to just start over, to be free, and happy, and lighter, and turn over a new leaf and all that cliche bullshit and I did my hair in the morning, and had real conversations with patients, and I had so much to tell him and then he started down that road and I just knew. It was all too little too late. And that really fucking sucks. I feel like I rediscovered him the last week. I realized that he was what matters, what I wanted, and whatever work I had to put in to make it work on any level was completely achievable. The previous weeks I KNEW that I was blowing it and I had that “WOAHHH RED LIGHT” conversation with myself after which I was SO DAMN READY to go a whole new direction.

I really liked who I was in the beginning. I wasn’t stressed about anything then, aside from going to acting auditions. And I was open to everything, and so excited to learn new things and try new things and see simple things. My god, that seems so long ago. And I remember I was worried about a relationship getting in the way of everything that I wanted to accomplish. And I remember at some point just completely letting go of all of my concerns and giving myself totally and completely to him because he was the best thing life. And somewhere along the line I let everything I wanted for our future get in the way of where we actually were in the moment.

It’s almost laughable because it’s like this event has completely cured me of all the stress. Like it just seems so SILLY! I guess it put everything in perspective. Like it’s all just so unimportant compared to things like friendships, relationships…. you know, the real shit.

So where to go from here…..there are a lot of things about myself that I had recently been thinking about bettering. Self betterment. And I feel like such an event forces you to face the reality of how important these things really are. I just lost the most important aspect of my life and it’s my own damn fault. Damnnnnnn, right? Fucked up. Well, I don’t want to accept that this has happened. That that’s just it. Maybe I’m not accepting it, maybe that’s why I’m surprisingly composed right now. Well regardless of what is driving this sudden alarming motivation right now (I just worked out for an hour, tf???) I’m going to run with it. Points of self betterment that I am choosing to work on now, not in the future, not when it’s convenient, now because I’ll be damned if I am EVER letting this happen again.

1. Stop being so afraid of everything. I am so afraid of dying, of terrorist attacks, of everyone I care about dying, of people not liking me (that warrants its own separate point), of cars, freak accidents, etc. This is another point that the Hector movie really made me think about. The woman who was dying on the plane said, “people who are afraid of death are afraid of life”. I used to be fearless. And thirsty for adventure. Free, reckless, light, honestly I think I used to have a really beautiful soul. Creeping on my old tumblr makes me realize that. I used to be bursting with poetry because I thought everything was so damn beautiful all the time. Where did she go? Now the idea of climbing mountains, or driving in the fast lane, going to concerts scares me because something bad could happen. Someone could die. Well you know what that’s always going to be true. But someone could also have the time of their life. They could see the most breathtaking view, share it with the most breathtaking person. They could….omg… feel alive?? And isn’t that what life is? Risking everything to get the most out of a time that’s limited no matter how cautious you are? I want to get that lust for adventure back.

2. Learn how to deal with stress. I think a lot of my first point is relevant here. I’m just generally very worried. Sometimes not even about something specific. Just generally worried, and I think a lot of that comes from fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of losing someone, fear of getting hurt. Everything always works out. The work always gets done. I know that. So I need to learn how to embrace this knowledge in the moment and let it be.

3. BE HERE, NOW. I live in the future. It’s the classic case of pushing happiness off into the future, instead of appreciating what is now. I set deadlines for myself to get things done. And I don’t mean concrete things in the sense that school work has deadlines. I mean I set deadlines for myself to have everything lining up. Like having my friend circle be healthy at the same time that both of my houses are perfectly clean at the same time that I am proficient at all of my instruments at the same time that I am working at the perfect job etc etc etc and none of it is realistic. Everything here, right now is enough. It is perfect. And it is everything that I need.

4. Learn how to cook. I need to stop being so damn helpless. A funny aspect of this situation is that I suddenly realized I have to feed myself this week. Bring it the Frick on.

5. Make time for hobbies everyday. I feel upset when I feel like I’m not doing something to better myself in a well-rounded sense, meaning I am not improving artistically. This also all goes back to a previous point I made about getting STRESSED when I don’t feel like I’m moving forward, and I mean in EVERYTHING! So even if I get a lot done in one field, I feel stagnant in another. And the problem is that I have a hard time allowing myself to take on multiple things at once. And that might sound like the opposite of what a stressed, anxious person needs but actually I think it is exactly what I DO need. I think it’s more of a stressor to expect myself to only be devoted to ONE thing all day everyday and not take any breaks or think about anything else. In this case I mean studying. There’s no reason I can’t study while also taking some time to play an instrument, or sing, or spend time with friends. It’s funny because I’m always so upset that I never write anymore. And now it’s the only thing keeping me sane.

6. Sleep. This is major. Probably the underlying root of all issues. Actually its hard for me to not blame a lot of things on lack of sleep. For example it would be easy to say that if I could just have slept then none of this would have happened. And honestly in part maybe that would have been true to an extent. Even if other issues were in play you could make the argument that it at least would have bought me some time to get my shit together. To realize what was happening. Lack of sleep causes me to be irritable, which may take life in the form of being judgemental, or moody, or passive aggressive, or getting way too upset about something small. But ultimately there are plenty of other things I need to take responsibility for and I am going to do that. By working on a lot of these other things, I think sleep will also improve. Because it is definitely largely linked to anxiety. I’ve already made an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialized in behavioural therapy for insomnia and I am very excited to start this new chapter of ZzzzzZZZzZZzzs.

7. Express vulnerable feelings. When I feel sad or hurt I often express it passive aggressively or through anger. This is not acceptable and it needs to change. It is something I am going to be working on daily, and I have decided to begin keeping track of each time I succeed and each time I fail. Additionally, sometimes I fail to express feelings of gratitude, love, or appreciation. Sometimes I feel silly telling someone I really care about them or appreciate them. I think it’s really important to express these feelings and not assume people always know how you feel.

8. Take care of my body. Start working out, build endurance. Live a long and healthy life.

9. I meant to go back to this earlier. Stop worrying about what other people think. I mean this in that I put a lot of pressure or myself when I know that it’s really important for someone to like me. I read into everything that they say and I worry about what I’m going to say back. I worry that I’m not funny enough or I won’t say the right thing and that really holds me back from having a good relationship.

10. Write poetry again.

It all just hit me and it hurts.

So. Badly.

11. Keep going.