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bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years ago

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Is there a character you find difficult to write? How do you feel like your sense of each character has changed over the course of writing them?

This is such an interesting ask I love yooouuuuuu!

Ok SO, I used to find writing basically all of the knights kind of difficult, bar Gwaine, just because NONE of them have as much screen time as they deserve (I was about to say "especially Elyan and Percival" but then realised it would also be "especially Leon and Lancelot and Gwaine and Mordred"😅). BUT it's gotten easier to write them as time goes on.

I always make a concerted effort to make sure all characters present speak in equal amounts, OR I try to give Elyan/Gwen more attention, 1)because they’re some of my faves, I have to admit, and 2)because, as much as it isn't as bad as in other fandoms, I do see POC fans talk about the racism sometimes (mostly about either stereotypes, or characters like Elyan and Gwen basically just being forgotten), and I want to combat that where I can.

I guess I just struggle more with characters I haven't written as much about, like Morgause, and background characters/characters that were only there for one or two episodes, like Kara/Daegel/Will etc. But whenever I struggle I go back to either various BBC Merlin compilations on tiktok/YouTube, or I just skim through episode transcripts to get a feel for things😅

My writing has definitely changed a lot, mostly in skill level lol, and structure; they went from bare-basics drafts, to almost fully fleshed out fics. Plus I slowly started adding characters didn’t used to write with. I never used to have Mordred (or Morgana, really) in most of my old things. Or Morgause or Uther. But that's clearly changed😁.

I definitely got better at writing people’s physical mannerisms, especially Morgana, Arthur, and Merlin, when I began to understand more the way I personally wanted to present them. Morgana with her cunningness, Merlin with his observation skills and ability to lie and think on the spot, Arthur’s habit of getting flustered with emotions, but being confident in his other abilities, etc.

Speech, I do think I’m better at, you’ll have to let me know. It always felt a bit clunky and forced when I first started writing, but I think the more I wrote, the more I got a handle on the register/tone/vocabulary that each character would use. Before, Merlin, Morgana, Uther, everyone, would always speak in the same way. Now, it’s a little easier to tell from the dialogue alone, the structure they use/the actual words they choose etc, who is speaking. Obviously it’s not perfect, but I like to think in the almost 18 months I’ve been going that I’ve improved a little😅

The knights are a little more difficult, the sense and vibe I want to give each character depends on the fic. though there are some things that stay pretty consistent, as I’ve developed my writing and the way I want to portray them. For example, Leon is almost always Tired and Big-Brotherly, and Gwaine is always deceptively smart and observant. The others vary a lot more, though Mordred is always somewhere on the scale between Teasing-Younger-Brother, and Worshiping-Devotee, Percival is always a gentle giant, and Elyan is quiet but smart and skilled and funny. I think Lancelot probably varies the most, and that’s because his role, in Merlin’s life and in the fic as a whole, can be drastically different fic to fic. He can either be the Teasing Best Friend, the Worried Older Brother, the Partner, or just Part of The Gang. It is fun, writing them all and trying to force in my own ideas and headcanons about the characters whilst also making sure it fits the fic, and fits at least adjacently with canon.

I adore Gwen, and she’s almost always Merlin’s best friend in some manner in my fics. I like giving her and Merlin moments of just... bestie energy, with no one else there and nothing to disturb them. But I also like making her smart as hell and badass, and just... emotionally intelligent, more-so than basically everyone else in the show. I think in the beginning I wrote her as a bit... background-y. She was just there, crying when the fic was angsty, and smiling when the fic was happy. I want her to be important and, if not in the forefront of the whole fic, at least have a few lines/chapters which are just about her to give the fic some depth/emotional grabbyness, if that makes sense.

ANYWAY I love you and I loved these questions and let me know if you want to know anything else!!!

You can ask from This List of Questions, or ask your own!!

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mca-attack21 · 4 years ago

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The Beginning of Something

This imagine is based super loosely off of Season 5, Episode 8. It can be read as a stand alone, but will definitely be continued with at least five more parts as I rewrite the ending of the show. That being said, get ready for the rollercoaster of emotions that is Merlin. Also, you can find more of my writing: Here.

Tensions had been high with Arthur as he was struggling with a decision. He had come to find out that another ruler, Sarrum, had similar aims when it came to Morgana. As much as he hated it, he knew that there could never truly be peace in Camelot, or even in Albion for that matter until she was stopped. Sarrum was known for his boundless cruelty and double-crossing nature, but Arthur was becoming desperate and you know what they say about desparate times...

As Arthur was working through this troubling decision, he took it out on the one person unlucky enough to almost always be at his side. So when Gaius told Merlin that he needed him to go get some herbs and plants, Merlin was out the door glad for an excuse to escape the castle before he killed Arthur himself and ended his destiny once and for all. He understood that Arthur was under a lot of pressure, but he didn’t have to be such a clotpole about it.

Merlin was out looking for the last of Gaius’ herbs when a young dark-haired boy all but ran into him.

“Woah, who are you? And what are you doing out here by yourself?”

“My name is Daegal. I have been sent by the druids to find you, my sister is dying,” the boy spoke showing Merlin his mark.

“How did you know where to find me?”

“I could sense your presence.”

“Where is your sister?” Merlin asked.

“She is at camp just shy of the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Please, you have to hurry, she does not stand to survive past the night.”

“What exactly is wrong with her?”

“She has a terrible fever and it is something beyond our magic. Please, Merlin, you are our only hope.”

Merlin was conflicted as he knew that this was risky. He also knew that Arthur would need him by his side in order to get through the meeting with Sarrum the following day. But he couldn’t stand by and let an innocent girl die when there was a possibility that he could help.

“We need to leave at once, I need to be back in Camelot by nightfall,” Merlin spoke.

“Of course, thank you.”

“I can’t make any promises to save your sister, but I will do everything in my power. The druids have helped me before, they are a welcomed ally,” Merlin replied as he packed up his belongings.

The two of them walked on, spending the rest of the morning and the better part of the afternoon making their way to the place where Daegal said the druids were camped. It was as they neared the camp that Merlin heard bandits approaching and reached out to Daegal with his mind to warn him. The boy carried on as if he hadn’t heard Merlin and Merlin was forced to all but tackled him so that they were not found out.

“Did you not hear me?” Merlin asked.

“No?” Daegel replied looking at Merlin as if he were crazy, “Come on, it isn’t much further.”

Merlin brushed off an uneasy feeling that was staring to form and followed Daegel. They reached the clearing, and Merlin tossed his bag down before turning back. “There is no one here,” he stated the obvious.

Daegel opened his mouth as if to say something but could not find words. He was beginning to wonder what his choice in bringing Merlin here would mean.

“Why have you brought me here? What is this?” Merlin interrogated sternly.

“I can explain,” the boy said fearfully.

“You are not even a druid,” Merlin realized lifting up Daegel’s sleeve to confirm.

“She told me to bring you here,” Daegel tried to explain.

Before Merlin could confirm that the ‘she’ Daegel mentioned was indeed Morgana he was thrown back and knocked unconscious.

“Why are you doing this?” Daegel asked.

“Because, Merlin has meddled in my plans one too many times. I only wish I could see his face as Arthur meets his demise at my hand,” Morgana revealed as she poured a dark liquid down his throat and pushed him over the ledge.

“Are you really going to kill the king?”

“Bite your tongue. You have done your part here and you would be wise to forget it. Here is the antidote your sister requires, now get lost.”

And with that Morgana left to set the rest of her plan in action. Daegel took one last look at Merlin before leaving to return to his family.

Back in Camelot:

“Gaius, you said Merlin would be back by lunch and now it is past dinner. Where is he?” Arthur asked clearly frustrated.

“I truly do not know Sire, but I am beginning to become worried.”

“Where did you send him?”

“I sent him out just beyond the creek. It should have taken him 4 hours at the most there and back,” Gaius explained worry evident on his face.

Picking up on this, Arthur’s expression softened, “I am sure that he is fine Gaius, probably just taking advantage of the break from me. If he does not turn up tomorrow I will send out a search party for him.”

“I hope you’re right,” Gaius said as Arthur took his leave.

Meanwhile with Merlin:

The first time he regained consciousness, Merlin struggled to breathe through the pain he was in. He attempted to use his magic to try to heal himself, but he was too weak. The exertion proved too much for him and everything around him faded to nothing.

The next time he awoke, he was both disoriented and confused. He had clearly been found by someone as a cool rag now rested on his brow and his wounds had been treated. He had been laid near a fire, food and water were both in his reach.

He peered around for any indication of who had helped him, and realized that he recognized where he was. He had been brought back towards Camelot. Before he could deduce anything else he heard someone approaching. He forced himself to sit up, which was a task in itself. He then try to mentally prepare for whatever was coming.

But instead of bandits, Morgana’s men, dangerous creatures, or anything else that could be considered threatening, it was just you. Merlin was surprised to say the least. Not that he had really thought about it, but the idea of someone who appeared around his age who had helped him... as he looked at you, he felt safe and connected to you in some way. It was as if he had known you his entire life, and he didn’t even know your name.

“Ah, take it easy, I mean you no harm. I come baring fish,” you smiled at him.

“Are you the one who did all of this?” he asked gesturing to his bandages and the water/food.

“I am, usually you would’ve been healed by now, but the poison that Morgana used in combination with her magic was a force to be reckoned with.”

“Who are you?”

“A friend. Some know me by Phúlax, but you can call me Y/n,” you said before turning away to use your magic to cook the fish and offering it to him.

“You have magic?” Merlin asked in awe.

“Yes, I was born with it,” you answered offering him one of the fish, “You need to eat, and then rest, you have been unconscious for over a day and we are still about an hour from the castle. Morgana and the queen intend to kill the King tomorrow and bring a great war to Camelot.”

“How do you know that?” Merlin asked.

“I know a lot of things Merlin. I promise I will answer all of your questions in time, but for now I just need you to trust me,” you answered.

“I guess I don’t really have a choice,” he joked.

“You do, Merlin, you always have a choice,” you spoke voice turned serious for a moment before you snapped out of it, “I am sorry, I am just tired, you aren’t the easiest person to keep alive,” you replied light-heartedly.

“If you think I’m bad you should try being the manservant of the king,” Merlin joked which caused you to laugh.

“Is he really that bad?”

“He can be a prat at times,” Merlin paused, “But at the end of the day, he is one of the best men I have ever met. He is fiercely loyal, believes in equality and justice, valor and honor. Camelot is lucky to have him. And it is an honor to serve him,” Merlin reflects.

“He is lucky to have such a loyal friend,” you add before taking his plate from him, “Get some rest.”

“Y/n,” he called as you began to walk away.

“Yes, Merlin?”

“Thank you.”

“Your welcome,” you smiled, turning your back once again.

You cleared away everything and packed up your bags before walking over and covering Merlin with a blanket. You layed across from him and just watched as he slept peacefully. He had been so close to death, and to see him now you wouldn’t even know it. You were glad that he was alright. Eventually, you too drifted off to sleep.

Back in Camelot:

“I’m sorry to bother you Sire, but I wanted to inform you that Merlin has still not returned. I fear something terrible may have happened,” Gaius spoke after having been let in to Arthur’s chambers.

“I will send out a search party,” Arthur spoke growing concerned about his friend.

“What is this?” Gwen asked walking over.

“Merlin still has not returned, so I am sending some of the knights out to search for him,” Arthur explained.

“Oh dear, I knew I should’ve said something. Arthur I feel terrible, but he made me promise not to tell anyone. I know where Merlin is,” she returned.

“Where?” Gaius asked.

“He has gone to visit someone. He isn’t in any danger. He’s just seeing a girl,” Gwen explained.

“Merlin?” Arthur laughed in suprise.

“There isn’t any reason to worry, I promise,” Gwen smiled.

“Except for the poor girl,” Arthur joked.

“Thank you your highness, you’ve put a worried mind at rest,” Gaius bowed before exiting the chambers.

“Now then, it is time to begin preparing for the signing ceremony,” Arthur said relieved.

Meanwhile with Merlin:

“Merlin,” you spoke softly as you shook him slightly.

“Hmmm?”

“It is time to get up, we must head for Camelot,” you reminded.

He groaned before sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Here, have some breakfast. I’m going to refill the water canisters and then we can be on our way,” you smiled handing him an apple and some bread.

When you returned you were pleasantly surprised to see that Merlin was packed and on his feet ready to go. The two of you started on the path in a comfortable silence before Merlin’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Tell me about yourself,” he suggested.

“Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Everything. I mean where are you from? Why are you here? How did you discover you had magic?”

“Slow down Merlin,” you laugh, “I was born in camelot. When I was very young my mother was discovered healing a child who was meant to die. The king found out and…” your sentance fell as you thought back.

“I’m so sorry,” Merlin said genuinely.

You took a deep breath and continued, “My father quickly snuck me out and to a small village just outside of Camelot. We lived there, I was able to practice magic in secret. Everything was going fine until Morgana showed up searching for me. I had never even heard of her, but there she was calling me by a name that a friend of mine who was a Druid used,” you paused again.

“I was going to turn myself over to her in hopes that she would spare the others, but before I could I was knocked unconscious. I woke up in the woods with the survivors and discovered that my father had not made it. I left them partially in hopes that Morgana would not strike again, and partially in shame that I did not stand up for them. I decided to head back to the only other home I have known, where I will search for a job and try to create some semblance of a life. On my way, I discovered you,” you explained a few tears betraying you.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Merlin spoke with certainty, “Morgana would’ve tortured you or killed you.”

“Still, I should’ve done something. When you have powers like ours, it is our responsibility to help those who can’t help themselves.”

“How did you know that I had magic?” Merlin asked.

“I can sense it, it flows through every fiber of your being. You have this resonance of power. It’s like we are connected.”

“I have never met anyone like you,” Merlin said as he smiled in amazement.

“You barely even know me,” you reply turning away from his face.

“I know that you are kind, and brave, and good,” he thinks for a moment before adding, “and beautiful.”

You can’t help but blush, “Thank you, Merlin.”

“What about you, is there anything that you want to know about me?” he asked.

The two of you continued to talk until you reached the courtyard. There were moments filled with laughter and moments of true sincerity. It was like you were old friends merely catching up. Like both of you were drawn together somehow.

As you entered the castle, you were both on high alert not knowing exactly what to expect. Merlin searched for Arthur before discovering that a door that was meant to be locked was left open. Having a gut feeling, he lead you up the staircase. There was a man with a crossbow who aimed for Arthur. He immediately noticed you and shot at Merlin who was slow to react. You shifted the arrow using magic. The man seemingly unphased threw knives at you instead. You tried to use your magic but it was to no avail.

You barely managed to pull Merlin out of the way in time. Taking advantage of your brief distracted state, the man reloaded the crossbow and aimed for Arthur once again. Merlin used his magic to jar the man and knock him out. The shot meant for Arthur instead hit Sarrum.

“Leon, Gwaine,” Arthur ordered them to check out the source of the arrow.

“We did it,” Merlin turned to you smiling. But as quickly as it had graced his face, the smile fell. For you were still on the ground with one of the knives in your stomach. “Y/n, just hold on, I can fix this.”

“It is one of Morgana’s, no magic can be used against it.”

“Well then, we will just have to fix it the old fashioned way,” he smirked before leaving over the balcony.

“Gaius, I need you to meet me in the infirmary at once it’s urgent,” he yelled.

“Merlin?” Arthur questioned quick to follow Gaius out of the door.

Merlin then picked you up bridal style and carried you back to Gaius’ chambers.

“I’m glad I met you,” you whispered already feeling much of the strength leaving your body.

“Well, there is a lot more to see, so just hold on,” Merlin said.

Merlin ran into Gwaine and Leon at the bottom of the stairs but he didn’t stop even as they were calling after him. Once inside, he swiftly used his magic to clear off the table and laid you on it. Just then Gaius and Arthur came rushing in.

“What happened?” “Who is that?” Gaius and Arthur asked at the same time.

“Her name is Y/n and you have to help her Gaius,” Merlin said voice full of emotion.

“Of course,” the physician said starting immediately to work.

“Is there anything that I can do?” Merlin asked. Gaius gave him a list of instructions and he completed each one quickly and without question. Arthur just stood and watched not knowing how to react. It wasn’t long before they had done everything that they could and it was just a matter of time.

Upon reaching this point, Arthur calmly asked for an explanation of what had happened.

“I went out to get herbs and before I could do anything else, I was trapped by Morgana. She had left me for dead, but then Y/n found me. She took care of me and brought me back here. I knew that Morgana was planning something, so we rushed here and found the overlook door open. We went up and found a man who was aiming a crossbow at you. He threw a knife at me and she pushed me out of the way. I was then able to charge him, but the shot still went off,” Merlin explained.

“So it seems that she has saved your life twice and now mine, when she wakes she will be rewarded,” Arthur responded impressed, “I must get back to the proceedings, please move her into the guest chambers and keep me appraised of her condition. Merlin, I trust that you will stay with her and see to her needs,” Arthur said sending him a knowing look.

“Of course Arthur,” Merlin replied.

“Oh, and Merlin,” Arthur started.

“Yes, Arthur?”

“I am truly glad that you are back in one piece,” he finished, pulling the door closed behind him.

“As am I,” Gaius added pulling the young warlock into a hug.

As they pulled away, Merlin was quick to carry you up into one of the fancy guest bedrooms. He laid you down and covered you with the blankets. Guias entered behind him.

“Did anything else happen while you were gone that you couldn’t speak so freely about in front of Arthur?”

Merlin glanced into the hallway before using his magic to close the door earning a glare from Gaius.

“She’s like me, she was born with magic,” he eyes lite up.

“Really?” Gaius asked.

“Yeah, the druids call her Phúlax. I can’t explain it Gaius, but I have never felt this connected to someone before.

“She is Phúlax?” Gauis asked with reverence.

“Yes, why? Does that name mean something to you?”

“You know how your destiny has been foretold for many generations?” Gaius asked and Merlin nodded.

“Phúlax means protector. Though she is known by many names. Some that may stand out to you are, the Servant’s Guardian, Arthur’s Chance, Protector of Emrys, or Rewriter of Destiny. It is believed that she would arrive at the beginning of the end, and that she would be at your side to turn the end into the beginning,” Gaius explained.

“What does that mean? And why have I never heard of her?”

“No one truly knows what the prophecy means. Just that she is an important ally in your story. And I would assume that those who know of her are protective of her identity for the same reason they are protective of yours. Because if Morgana found her, Albion would fall.”

Merlin had more questions, the most important one being, “So she is going to be okay?”

“Her wound was not fatal, due to the nature of the weapon, she simply has to heal at a normal rate. That being said, she should wake up by morning,” Gaius answered before getting up to leave the room.

Gwaine entered as he exited, “Merlin, it’s good to see you. I’ve been searching the taverns for you in your absence,” he winked.

“Good to see you too, Gwaine,” he laughed.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing after earlier,” Gwaine said taking a seat beside his friend.

“Well, in the past three days I have almost been killed twice, so you know just another day in Camelot,” Merlin tried to joke.

“Are you alright?” Gwaine asked seriously.

“I will be fine,” Merlin promised.

“And who is this beautiful lady?” Gwaine asked trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m afraid she is off-limits,” Arthur spoke from the doorway carrying a plate of food.

“What? Why?” Gwaine asked.

“Because Merlin here has dibs,” Arthur grinned.

“I...We….She is…..I mean…” Merlin struggled.

“Oh, look at him he is getting red as a tomato,” Arthur said bursting into laughter.

“Our little Merlin has a crush,” Gwaine grinned, “If you need any advice,” he winked at Merlin before getting up and seeing himself out.

Arthur took his place at Merlin’s side.

“Did you really have to do that? I’m not going to hear the end of this,” Merlin rolled his eyes at Arthur.

“Consider it payback for all of the times you teased me about Guinevere. Besides, I think that it’s a good thing,” he decided.

“I brought you this, along with some news,” Arthur said handing Merlin the plate of food.

“What’s the news?”

“Should she want it, I have decided to offer Y/n a position as Guinevere’s lady in waiting. I figure that she has shown her loyalty and you clearly trust her. I trust your judgment. And, this will give you an excuse to see her in the castle,” Arthur explained.

“Really? That’s incredible. I can’t wait to tell her. And to introduce the two of you.”

“Just remember this when it comes time to chose a best man,” Arthur joked. The two of them continued to talk for a while before Arthur decided it was best that he return to the knights as they were preparing for a trip.

Merlin was trying to work through what Gaius had said, and how he felt. It was silly to think that he could love someone that he had only just met. But there was no other word for it. The thought of working with you, getting to know you better, spending time with you, it was all exciting for Merlin. Especially having another person that he could talk about magic with, someone who truly understood him.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even register the fact that you were awake.

“Merlin?” you tried to sit up, but the pain that rippled through you decided otherwise.

“Hey there, take it easy. It’s okay, you’re safe,” he smiled taking your hand without even thinking, “Do you need anything? Water? Food? I can go get Gaius if you’d like?”

“I’ll be fine Merlin, I’m glad you and Arthur are safe,” you smiled.

“Speaking of Arthur, I’ve got some news for you,” he beamed, “The King was so thankful that you saved his life that he has decided to give you the highest honor he can bestow.”

“Oh? And what is that?”

“He has graciously decided to make you his wife’s servant,” Merlin replied rolling his eyes.

“That’s brilliant! It solves my problem of finding a place to stay and finding a job in one fell swoop,” you smile.

“There is one problem though,” Merlin said seriously.

“What is it?”

“We will definitely be seeing a lot of each other,” he grinned.

“You had me worried,” you said as you smacked his arm.

“I am going to go tell Gaius and Arthur that you are awake,” he decided.

You watched as he left, you felt so relieved that things were falling into place. You were happy to meet Gaius and the King, who made not-so-subtle jokes about Merlin’s affections for you. Merlin looked like he was about to kill him, which made you laugh all the more. You already felt at home here. You couldn’t wait to see what the future held for you in Camelot. This was truly the beginning of something special.

#Merlin #BBC Merlin #Merlin rewrite #merlin imagines #merlin imagine #bbc merlin imagine #bbc merlin imagines #king arthur imagine #king arthur imagines #arthur pendragon imagine #arthur pendragon imagines #Merlin x reader #Merlinxreader

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meteorjam · 4 years ago

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George Headcanons

Brought to you by me and @once-and-future-gay

George's father is Uther's manservant and his grandfather was the manservant to the King who ruled before Uther took over Camelot. It is a great tradition and honor in George's family to be the manservant to the King and he's been training his entire life for it.

His mom is the head cook in the kitchen and everyone is very afraid of her.

Both his parents are disappointed in him because he didn't continue the family tradition since Merlin showed up.

George has been writing entries in his journals every day without fail for at least 15 years. His rage is always expressed in a thorough and organized manner with supporting points for his arguments clearly outlined.

There is a Servant Guild's Handbook and George has memorized all of it. He writes citations on servants that break the rules every month and Arthur hasn't read a single one of them.

George has a deep distaste for Merlin as he literally has the job he's trained for all his life, but, as everyone, he does begrudingly warm up to him throughout the years.

In and AU where Daegel lives and becomes Merlin's apprentice somehow, George absolutely loses it because Page 122 Paragraph 11 of the Servant's Guild Handbook explicitly states that only the King can allow a servant to take on an apprentice. The 12 page citation also goes unread by Arthur. Daegel really wants George to like him for some reason and shennanigans ensues.

If we're talking AUs, in a Will lived Au, Will and George would get into a fight and George would win. Will is good at talking shit but George would take him down with like one practiced chop to the arm.

George doesn't really emote but everyone knows that if George's left eye twitches once when you're speaking to him, your life will be made a living hell in the most calculated and organized way. Merlin unfortunately was not made aware of this upon his arrival and makes fun of George in some way and keeps finding his things ever so slightly misplaced.

Arthur assigns George to help out the knights every once in a while in hopes he'll losen up. Gwaine is the one that troubles George the most because he always tries to get him to drink on the job which is against chapter 17 in the Servant's Guild Handbook. He does develop a weird crush on Gwaine like everyone does and never mentions it to anyone. Just writes a couple of really weird journal entries about it.

Out of all the knights, he gets along the best with Leon. Leon has a group mom personality and is the most responsible so George feels comfortable being assigned to him. Leon actually laughs at his brass related jokes and is probably the only one that finds him funny. Leon also remembers his birthday. When George is assigned to be in the meeting hall during Knight debreifings, he always gives Leon a respectful nod and smile when he's giving his speeches and everyone else has fallen asleep. Leon is grateful for the quiet support. George is genuinely just really into boring statistics. He does also develop a crush on Leon he doesn't really understand. More journal entries.

George does like to read, cook, and work on perfecting any skill he hasn't mastered yet. He's a perfectionist and it's bad for his blood pressure.

Other servants have actually had crushes on George but he's too oblivious to notice.

He sleeps wearing one of those long pale blue night caps.

If George were to find out about Merlin’s magic, he for once wouldn’t snitch because he doesn’t actually want to be responsible for anyone dying. He’d have a massive crisis about it though.

@arthurpendragonns @and-damntheconsequences

#bbc merlin #merlin #George the servant #text

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min-sugar-7 · 4 years ago

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DAY 5: “Any other lies to tell me?” + Angst

Read it on AO3 Here!

Merlin slumped against his bed, covering his eyes and willing them not to spill. It felt stupid, really. But he was told for so long that Arthur is the other side to his coin, his other half, his soulmate. He should have known better than to think that destiny would ever favor him.

It probably would hurt less if Kilgharrah did not feed Merlin pointless lies. If he had clearly stated that there would be nothing romantic between them. Because Merlin went ahead and caught feelings, those pesky little things. At least he never got a chance to make a fool of himself.

What was he thinking? Golden Prince, Arthur Pendragon, falling for him? Of course, his true love was a 'she.' At least he never acted on his feelings. At least the only one that knows about them was himself. But it is fine. It’s not like he loves Arthur. He hates him half the time anyway.

A lie.

He is just a little bit heartbroken. Maybe a bit more than little. But he should have known better than to think that there could be anything between them. It is a miracle they are even friends, considering the number of lies Merlin has told him.

That, sadly, did not mean that Merlin got over his feelings. It hurt, seeing Arthur with someone else, but at least it was Gwen. Sweet, kind, strong, and caring Gwen. He couldn’t have chosen anyone better. She’s the best in the world.

So Merlin made sure his two favorite people were happy, even if it meant that he would be pining from a distance. He is glad that Arthur’s happy and smiling, even if those were directed to someone else. It’s fine. Destiny was a stupid thing anyway.

Well, it was fine right up until he was getting crushed under the weight of destiny. If one more person reminded him of his destiny, Merlin would scream. Merlin doubts if he can keep going, carrying the weight of the expectations of sorcerers alive and dead. Not to mention the fact that he’s considered some sort of leader to the magical community. Merlin was not trained for this, will never be trained for this, and cannot possibly live up to their expectations.

Everyone expects Emrys to be some sort of divine leader- fearless and ruthless, a guardian and protector of the magical community. Merlin isn’t Emrys. He doesn’t want to be Emrys. But every single Druid he meets bows and pays their respects and tells him how he’s such a great warlock.

Merlin might as well scream.

They treat him like a God, which is not as great as you would think. Merlin is the one to carry their dreams and expectations. Their hopes and dreams followed him around like dead weight, refusing to leave. He is required to fulfill it. It is either that or let every magical being suffer.

And he is the only one to carry the burden of fate.

He doesn’t have anyone to share it with, not even Gaius. Gaius doesn’t get it either, and never will. He treats Merlin like a son, and for that, he is very grateful. Some days he is sure he would be dead in a ditch if it weren’t for Gaius. But with Gaius, it is a bit different. For him, having Merlin is like having a God for a son, which isn’t that far from the truth. He knows that Gaius worries for him and cares for him. But Gaius also has expectations for Merlin. Expectations he’s afraid he can’t fulfill.

With each passing day, the threat to Arthur’s life grows stronger and more dangerous. Merlin cannot keep up.

Everyone who knows about Merlin’s magic also knows about his destiny. There are people that Merlin does not know that know about Merlin’s destiny. Merlin wants to yell that they are entrusting their freedom to the hands of the wrong person. That he is not the one they should be laying down their lives for. That there must be another sorcerer, one who deserves to be called Emrys.

He feels laced with guilt and regret for the lives of Alator and Finna, along with every other sorcerer's life lost for a cause that is impossible to fulfill. They have laid it all down so Merlin could hear, in painful detail, just how his King is going to die.

Merlin did scream then, in the relative privacy of the forest. Arthur’s going to die, and if Merlin doesn't prevent it, it is all on him. Arthur's death would be on him. It is going to be his fault that there will be no Albion. It is going to be his fault that magic will forever be lost to these lands. It is going to be his fault that Arthur's going to die, and he doesn't want that. He wants Arthur to live a happy and long life.

Somewhere along the line, 'Albion' sounded like 'Arthur.' If given a choice between the two, Merlin would no doubt chose Arthur. He would pick Arthur over and over again. Always Arthur. Because Arthur has become his priority, and he won't be able to live with himself if he let Arthur die. It will all be his fault.

It was his fault anyway. It was his fault Morgana turned. It was his fault that Mordred lived. It was his fault that he didn’t let Morgana die when he had the chance. It was his fault that while trying to show Arthur how good magic can be, he did the complete opposite. For Arthur, magic is something that took his mother, his father, his sister, and his wife. Merlin doubts that saving Gwen made Arthur’s opinion on magic any different.

Everything he does, everything he tries, only brings him closer to the inevitable. Arthur is going into battle at dawn, and Merlin won’t even be there.

Merlin promised Arthur that he would always protect him or die trying. A lie. He failed at both. Now Arthur’s saddled up with a piece of a sword forged in a dragon’s breath inside him, the very same dragon he should have looked after.

Aithusa, Light of the Sun, the very same dragon Kilgharrah said would bode well for Albion, for him and Arthur, and for the land they would build together.

A lie.

It is the sword drenched in her breath that brought Arthur down. Merlin did not have the heart to blame her. Merlin was the one that abandoned her, sent her straight to Morgana.

Gaius trusted him, told him that only he could save Arthur. Said that he would have a bowl of his favorite soup waiting for him, for when he would come back. He said that Arthur would be fine, that the Shide would heal him.

Another lie.

Merlin clutched the wheezing body of his love tighter as if he could will him to stay. It is all his deepest nightmares playing out. Arthur- dying in his arms- practically resenting Merlin’s magic. For all his magic and he still could not save his love.

Nothing, nothing ever could be worse than this.

Until it was.

In any other situation, anything but this, Merlin would have cherished Arthur’s last words. He despised them. He despised his final words, the last whisper of something he has never said before. He despised the way they were told- as if a confession of his deepest darkest secret.

But that is what they were. Arthur had a wife, a loving, doting wife, and yet-

And yet, his last words to Merlin had been a choked whisper of, “I love you.”

Merlin has dreamt of those words, thought about every single way Arthur would tell him. Never like this, though. But those were just that- dreams and fantasies. But Destiny was never easy, was it?

Was it all a lie? Could, heaven forbid, Arthur really love him? Or was it just words spoken out of desperation, just another lie?

Just like how his destiny was a lie? Like how Albion was a lie? Like how the Kingdom they were supposed to build, together, was a lie?

Like how everything Kilgharrah said was a lie. Like how his hopes and dreams were lies. Like how every Druid lied. Like how everything was a lie, a half-baked truth, a stupid fantasy.

“There is nothing you can do, Merlin, for all that you have dreamt has come to pass,” Kilgharrah said.

Lies.

He had failed. He’d failed Arthur. He’d failed Morgana. He’d failed Gwen. He'd failed Gaius. He’d failed Mordred, Isidir, and Freya. He’d failed Finna, Alator, and Gili. He’d failed Daegel, Balinor, and Hunith. He’d failed all the sorcerers that died during and after the Purge. He’d failed all the sorcerers living in fear. He’d failed all that sorcerers that are yet to be born.

Merlin stayed long after he sent Arthur away, no doubt his bowl of soup growing cold. He learned that Gwaine, too, had passed in a last attempt to run Morgana through. It was not supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be the three of them, Courage, Strength, and Magic, standing side-by-side, ready to face whatever destiny throws at them.

Another Lie.

He made it as far as Camelot’s gates, listening to the echoes of “Long Live the Queen,” before deciding that Camelot would prosper under Gwen’s rule. He could never, ever face her again. Not after his failure, not after the lies. Not after being the keeper of his King’s last words, which no doubt should have belonged to Gwen.

He only scried for Gaius when he felt the old man’s life slipping away. Gaius saw him and heard him, telling him that they missed him there. No doubt another lie. Merlin watched as the light behind Gaius’s eyes dimmed, saying one last goodbye to the closest thing he had to a father.

Soon it was Kilgharrah, and then Geoffrey, then Gwen, then Leon, then Percival, then Audrey, Queen Annis, Queen Mithian, Queen Vivian, Queen Elena, Isidir, Gili, Sefa…

He should have guessed that he would be punished in some way. The Gods made him immortal, forever waiting for Arthur to return. Forever waiting near the lake, never allowed to be away from Albion for long.

Excalibur might have been his only way out, but he had disposed of it into the lake soon after Arthur died. Again, that could have been a lie too.

The world changed. Green and magic got replaced by iron and steel. Aithusa passed peacefully in her sleep, never once forgiving Merlin for slaying Morgana. Magic slipped away from the land slowly, until the last tendril of magic died along with the last wizard, leaving Merlin to be the only source of magic left.

All of it seeped deep into the Earth’s core, locked away and to never be accessed, leaving the Earth barren.

Wars broke out, along with famine, storms and disasters, and death. The Lake of Avalon remained still and timeless, forever preserved by the Gods, like Merlin.

Merlin looked up at the sky, where he believed the Gods to be, long forgotten like the legend of his love and his legacy. The Gods were never merciful. They had disappeared too, the last of them forgotten like Merlin. But Merlin was forced to keep living, forever traveling the Earth, never straying too far from the lake.

“Any other lies left to tell me?” Merlin said, resigned and pitiful, as he felt the world falling apart around him. Arthur never once returned, dooming Merlin to watch as humans ripped apart from each other, unable to help. They tear themselves apart, rebuilding and rehabilitating soon after. They, too, had been cursed to keep going, destroying and restoring. And for all Merlin knew, that also could have been a lie.

#merthurweek2020 #day5 #angst #fic #prompt fill #unrequited love #requited unrequited love #immortal merlin #major character deaths #minor character deaths #lots and lots of angst #pining!merlin #bbc merlin

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