#cyanide tea

[cyanide-latte]

On the topic of more TWST OC headcanons and thoughts, a personal favorite I keep coming back to is one about French accents that I discussed with @tixdixl . (I know it's "not technically French" because this is TWST but for the sake of argument, the language is French so I'm fucking calling it French, flex your rubber band labeled Suspension Of Disbelief a little.)

The idea was that my boy Toussaint "Tea" Anatole is in discussion with their OCs Rémi and Eve, because iirc they're all from Fleur City and speak a more Parisian dialect of French.

Rook overhears this because of course he does, he's Rook, and since he's the dorm brother of my boy Copper and giving him some additional tutoring during lunch hour to help him brush up, Rook decides he's pulling Copper along with him and they're going to just join in on their conversation. They all speak French of course!

Except there's a very slight learning curve. Even their Fleur City dialects differ in minute ways between Tea, and Rémi and Eve, as they're from different parts of the city. That dialect is also different from Rook's French since he's from Sunset Savanna (I headcanon it's probably like West-African dialects of French) and it's also different from Copper's Cajun French. So it probably takes them all a second to adjust a little here and there. They do get there pretty quick though!

Taglist: @blithesharem @ramshacklerumble @inmateofthemind @tixdixl @elenauaurs

@rainesol @distant-velleity @thehollowwriter @theleechyskrunkly @twst-migraine (dm me if you want to be added or removed from the taglist for my TWST OC stuff!)

[madqueenalanna]

not to be alarming but in the past 24ish hours i've googled the amount of antifreeze and cyanide it would take to kill me (100mL and 350mg respectively) i'm dead serious does anyone else do this? is it lowkey normal to plot your death like this? i have therapy tomorrow but i don't know how fucking crazy i am

[technicalknockout]

Cant believe we had one test on friday but we still have another one on monday like are you kidding me i have to study on fricking WEEKENDS??

[syxnewt]

we read the landlady in class today and holy cungadero

[cyanide-the-spider]

A WIP And a Shameless Plug

There's always time for a little bit of self-care, especially these days with the cold weather and the utter chaos of modern life. Comfort food or a nice movie or a manicure and shopping spree may be self-care for some, but self-care tends to be something altogether different for me: I game or, more pertinent to this blog, I cast on a project to work on for myself.

As I'm living in a much colder climate now than I was a year ago, there is a greater need for warm skirts, so my first knitted skirt of the year is now in progress! But before I show off the WIP, a shameless plug.

Valentine's Day and Singles' Awareness Day are right around the corner! As a result, there is an option on my commissions to get your special someone a cozy gift along with a free heart-shaped coaster at a 15% discount! Don't have a special someone and are celebrating Singles' Awareness Day? Not to worry! Opt out of the coaster if you'd like and keep the discount when getting the perfect ice cream night blanket! Just click on this sentence to see my commission prices and order form!

Now, with that out of the way, time to nerd out about an unfinished skirt!

This is my current Work In Progress - the Bold Stripes Skirt by Wiam's Crafts. This is a very simple pattern largely done in stockinette (perfect for casual knitting in the car, at my favorite outdoor spot, or while watching videos about ocean liners). The alternating panels of purl stitches and bold stripes of knit stitches that makes up the bulk of the pattern are very pleasant to the touch and fairly quick to work up, and looking ahead on the pattern where some diamond shaped stitching patterns branch out of the stripes, it's another simple set of knits and purls - no cables or fancy stitches. This makes it an ideal pattern for beginner knitters who want to make their first wearable.

I personally am looking forward to seeing how the pattern looks on the reverse side, as my roommate and I are both agreed in that the inside actually is rather gorgeous and looks like a morning glory.

Of course, I'll share more of this WIP as time goes on, and once it's done, there will definitely be some modeling of it! If I like this skirt enough, I may even make the matching top, also available on Wiam's Crafts. Both patterns are free on their website!

In the meantime, stay hydrated, enjoy a nice cup of tea or coffee, and I'll see you soon. Toodles!

[brucewaynehater101]

Have a Good(?) Mom Janet AU.

There is a cookbook in Drake Manor that no one but Tim and Janet are allowed to touch. There is also a shelf full of Spices that only they are allowed to touch. Every time Janet comes home, they both cook each other meals with the book and the spices. Tim makes himself food using the spices while she is gone. Janet makes sure to come home at least once a month so that they can cook together.

This cookbook has been passed down in Tim's family for many, many generations. To be taught from it and eventually gifted the book to add your own recipes to is seen as a sign of love and adoration. If a family has more than one child, a copy of the book is made so each child can have one, and if someone dies without any children to pass the book along to, their will always states for the book to be returned to a Drake. Sometimes branches of the family will get together to trade recipes that the later generations have come up with that aren't in their own books. It has been this way for well over 10 generations.

See, the special thing about this cook book? It doesn't have anything like Chili or Pasta or Candy or Cake or anything like that. No, this is a cookbook detailing things like how to brew a lovely tea made from Nightshade and Foxglove, how to milk a snake and then reduce it's venom down and which Spices to add in so that it can be used to coat a blade, and how to disguise the taste of bitter poison in sweet and savory foods.

It's a Cook Book of Poisons. Just like the shelf is full of things like arsenic, cyanide, dried poison dart frogs, hemlock, and so, so much more. If you can think of a poison, it's on the hidden shelf.

Tim is taught by his mother how to dose those he loves to over time make them immune to things, how to kill someone without leaving a trace, and how to tell poisons apart by taste, smell, and touch. Janet does this because she loves her son, just as Janet's mother did this for her because she loved Janet and on and on back in the family tree. She wants him to be safe and they are very rich and well known. She knows that this attracts Assassins. She can not protect him from Knives or bombs or guns, but she can protect him from this one thing. She will protect him because she loves him dearly.

Tim knows his mother loves him, why else would she always poison him? She explained to him when he was very little what she was doing and why and he believed her. He still does. Frankly, the partial immunity to basically all toxins has been really helpful as Robin. Plus he can use this to help the Bats! He can start micro dosing Bruce and Alfred and Dick right away by baking them cookies with poison! If they detect anything wrong, just tell them it's ok if they don't like the cookies he made while looking sad. They will cave instantly and eat anything he gives them, brushing Tim off as not a very good cook.

Tim also comes clean to his Mother (only her, not Jack. They don't have a bond like he and Janet do) about being Robin and honestly? She sags in relief and says she is so glad that someone is protecting him from the things she can not and teaching him how to defend against what nether can stop. There is a lot of crying and then Janet being Horrified when she finds out that Batman and Nightwing only have Average Gothemite Poison Resistance?? No special training??? Seems very, *very* stupid in their lie of work.

With this AU, Janet would be fine (or at least not dead) when she drinks the water. Jack may or may not have been fine as well (depends on if Janet was also microdosing Jack as well).

So, Tim's parents either die another way or just don't die. Maybe Jack still ends up dead (Boomerang and whatnot), but Janet lives.

Ooh! Feel free to contest, but this would also pave the way for some excellent Talia/Janet interactions (it could start out as enemies to lovers due to two of Talia's sons attacking Janet's son. Yet, Talia can't help but be intrigued by the Drake practice of poisons/venoms/resistance/immunity).

Anyways, Tim and Janet showing their love through cooking is precious. It'd also be hilarious if Janet, insulted by the Bats not being immune, tries to help Tim as well. She just constantly checks up with Tim's progress and offers any advice she needs to.

Damian and Jason probably have some resistance/immunity bulit up, but probably not to the extent the Drakes do in this AU. Cass is aware of what's going on and happily takes Tim's food every time (she can practically feel the love radiating off of the food).

[marzipanandminutiae]

it's unintentionally hilarious when Thomas responds to Edith's criticism of the bitter firethorn tea by saying that nothing gentle grows at Allerdale

because while firethorn (Pyracantha coccinea) IS real and does contain cyanide in its seeds that could theoretically be distilled into a poison- though the berries are safely edible in the right preparation and taste like apples...

...it's native to southern Europe and western Asia. where the weather is MUCH warmer and often gentler than, say, the northwest of England

it was introduced there in the 18th century, but it sure as hell isn't a creation of the harsh, cold landscape like the Sharpes themselves

[prodigaldaughteralice]

So I’m fascinated by the coffee, because I don’t think it affected Aziraphale’s decision in any way.

And I don’t think it affected his decision because his decision was completely in line with his character! I’ve seen the whole cyanide theory thing and it doesn’t make sense to me; he didn’t seem high or compromised in any chemical way. And his decision, as much as it hurts, makes sense with who he is and his (toxic) relationship with Heaven.

So why is the coffee so weird?

Maybe I’m just focusing on it because I was a barista for a long while, but I’m so confused.

First of all it’s slightly inconsistent. When the Metatron orders it (ha ha I’m so predictable my autocorrect tried to turn that into Mettaton), he orders it with ‘a dash’ of almond syrup, and when he hands it over to Aziraphale he describes it as having a ‘hefty jigger’ of almond. What?

Secondly, the Metatron is weirdly pushy about it. He comes up rather close, puts it in Aziraphale’s hands, there’s a bit of odd business where he watches him drink it.

Thirdly, oat milk. Why oat milk?

(I admit to being slightly and entirely irrationally biased against oat milk bc the people who wanted other milk substitutes we didn’t have were generally polite about being redirected to our three options, while the oat milk people were very “HOW can you NOT have OAT MILK” and then the chain replaced coconut, imo the best of the ones we had, with oat. But that’s not the point here.)

Point being why a milk substitute at all? Side-stepping the argument about whether veganism is actually good for the planet or for animals, it doesn’t really make sense for it to be an Angel Thing— they’re not interested in preserving the planet, they want to end it, and it’s not going to be out of respect for the fauna, because the whole “the stars are just there to look at” along with Job’s innocent goats make it pretty clear that this theology falls on the “the animals/everything else is there for the humans’ use/appreciation” side.

Fourth point, why coffee at all? Correct me if I’ve missed one, but I can’t recall a single point in the book or either season when Aziraphale drinks coffee. Alcohol, tea, cocoa, but not coffee. Even when he goes to Nina’s shop earlier in the season, all he gets is a plate of Eccles cakes nobody eats. Him asking if six shots of espresso will calm Crowley down also kind of suggests he’s not very familiar with coffee, haha.

So it’s been nagging at me a lot, and what it seems like to me is… the coffee doesn’t mean anything in universe. But it means something to us. It’s Doylist, not Watsonian. It’s weird. It’s just weird. The Metatron’s description of the coffee is a little inconsistent because he doesn’t give that much of a shit about minor truths. He’s pushy about Aziraphale drinking it because it’s a gift and he needs Aziraphale to accept it and feel grateful, it’s a signifier of the hierarchical dynamic between them. It’s an oat milk latte because that’s trendy and available across the street, and because the Metatron doesn’t actually care what Aziraphale is specifically fond of or interested in— it’s one of those human ingestables he likes, after all.

I think what the coffee’s there for is exactly what it did to me— it makes everything really uncomfortable, even before we really know why the Metatron’s there. It’s the first pang of anxiety as things turn from lovely resolution into everything going to shit. It feels weird and wrong because it’s weird and wrong.

I thought it might be anticlimactic for it not to mean anything in-universe, but… I actually don’t feel that way. What it’s there for is incredibly important, even if it’s just to illustrate where we’re going.

[incorrectbatfam]

What's in Alfie's spice cabinet? Wrong answers only

Pure organic sea salt

Peruvian puff peppers

Tea leaves

Protein powder

Edible glitter

Cinnamon sugar

Synonym sugar

Lazarus water

Jason's foul mouth soap bar

Flour

Kryptonite dust

Jokerized seasoning

Everyone's medications

Ramen soup packets

Purple food coloring

Vegan meat flavoring

Nth metal shavings

Cyanide

Beans

[crownmemes]

Questioning Sentences, Vol. 27

(Questioning sentences from various sources to ask all kinds of muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Still alone, are we?"

"What would possess you to do something so foolish?"

"Is he really your father? He's scary."

"How would someone like her know someone like you?"

"Are you trying to embarrass me?"

"I see you're not wearing handcuffs. I take it you were able to talk yourself out of trouble?"

"You just had to keep digging. You couldn't let it go, could you?"

"Did you know that 15% of married couples met at a wedding?"

"Are you growing a beard? I've always had rather a soft spot for bearded men."

"This man has eluded authorities for years. How did you find him so fast?"

"Why would I want to spy on him for you?"

"Don't get many visitors here, do you?"

"Do you really stay awake all night?"

"Did you even consider me when you thought of sacrificing yourself?"

"My decision disappoints you?"

"Are you nervous?"

"How did you know that?"

"Notice how I didn't need to lower myself to your level?"

"How about a cup of tea for the shock?"

"Do you know what I'd like? Really like?"

"Who told you where to find me?"

"Have you seen what a 12 gauge shotgun can do to a human body?"

"Have you not yet realised that there's no way out?"

"Is making me lose my concentration part of your strategy?"

"I take it you have no comment at this stage?"

"Did you confuse reacting with feeling?"

"Are you in danger of becoming a good man?"

"What if the ending isn't really the ending after all?"

"Did you ransack a greenhouse?"

"Why did you come over in the middle of the night?"

"Have you ever told your father what you just told me?"

"Is this what you wanted? Is it?"

"How are you really in the grand scheme of things?"

"What? Is there some rule against having fun?"

"Did you know you can buy cyanide on the dark web?"

"Why should I be worried about my conscience?"

"I haven't cried yet. Isn't that weird?"

"You're quite certain that we've never met before?"

"How can you stand being here?"

"Is this some kind of interrogation?"

"Have dinner with me? Just the two of us?"

"Why didn't you say anything about this before?"

"What am I supposed to call you?"

"You really are creepy, you know that?"

"How about we just go home and pretend this day never happened?"

"You really have no decency, do you?"

"Are you going to die soon?"

[cyanide-latte]

Does your OC ever get into physical altercations? How do they usually play out?

For Ren, Tea and Kit?

And thank you for this one too!

Wei Renqiao- Ren prefers to avoid fighting, it's really a waste of his time. HOWEVER, he will fight if he needs to, whether that's to defend someone or something he cares about or if it's in self-defense, or what. Circumstances CAN result in him getting into physical altercations...and typically, he wins. The more intense it gets, the more hits he takes, the harder and more viciously he fights. Ren when he cuts loose is TERRIFYING, especially because he loves the fight once he gets going. It's a chilling reminder to everyone who views him as a quiet gentle giant that he's deliberately choosing to be gentle, because it is the harder choice but the better one.

Toussaint "Tea" Anatole- Tea usually prefers fighting to be confined to a boxing ring or somesuchlike, and watched over and proceeding according to the rules of sportsmanship. And physical altercations with his siblings when they're all younger is different, sibling squabbles are natural. But an actual physical altercation? Tea dislikes it. There's no regard for the rules of engagement or respect between opponents. He will absolutely throw down if he has to, and he's very easily provoked, but he refuses to take the first couple of swings. (Solid advice from his "alley cat" stepfather.) I'd say in general, whether or not he wins a fight is 50/50, but you'd better believe even when he loses, Tea will give as good as he gets.

Hyacinthus "Kit" Shroud- Kit insists at some point when he was little that his dad told him "if you can crawl, you can brawl". (Chrys denies this happened, he has no idea where Kit got that from.) Though he's very gentle by nature, Kit has a Shroud temper, Wei family martial combat training, and a LOT of magical capability. Tack onto that the fact Bertrand Anatole later becomes his fencing instructor when Kit is signed up for it as a young teen (Xinyi insists their son learn multiple styles of sword fighting,) and he starts seeking out more magical dueling instruction once he starts attending NRC, and Kit's a little powerhouse with a somewhat short fuse. He doesn't like fighting because, much like big cousin Ren, he considers it a waste of valuable time and energy. But if he senses a fight is coming his way, he intends to end it soundly before it really gets going. And he intends to win.

The ask list if anyone wants it!

Taglist: @blithesharem @tixdixl @inmateofthemind @ramshacklerumble @rainesol

@theleechyskrunkly @thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @elenauaurs @twst-migraine

[colourstreakgryffin]

heyyy, btw i hope you liked the story I wrote for you<33

can you write Tanjiro x fem reader for a royal au where Tanjiro is in charge of testing all food and drinks for the royal family to make sure it’s not poisoned by sniffing it? like maybe one day the chef just brings out the food and tanjiro doesn’t get to test it and it turns out the chef put something like cyanide in the reader’s tea or something like that and Tanjiro like runs in and quickly takes the tea from her before she can drink it.

Oooh! I really like the Royal AU aspect, it’s so smart! I’ve honestly been a roll with Tanjiro too and I’m all for it~! I love this angel of sunshine so much!

Kamado Tanjiro- Wait, Your Majesty

“My princess~!” Tanjiro, the Royal Poison Detector bowed politely as you giggled at his adorable, optimistic voice and passed him with a unwanted heavy heart. You didn’t want him to have to wait outside, you wanted him to come inside and eat with you

His job, at the castle of the royals, was to smell the supplies of foods and drinks shipped over from other kingdoms and from the kingdom’s own markets for any trance of deadly laces. You, alongside your parents, highly valued him and his incredible sense of smell, he was such a high position for something as simple as smelling food for poison, and it was why he got such a hefty check

He constantly protects your lives, from disease and from assassins with poison. Anything rotten or foul-smelling, the servants took Tanjiro’s word and immediately threw the food out. No matter how much it took to make it nor how safe it seemed

The King, your father, was truly thankful to Tanjiro over and over, for constantly protecting the lives of his beloved family and he was willingly to keep up his payment to the young man. He knew well that Tanjiro doesn’t lie, it’s impossible for such a loveable character to be twisted and lie, and the King even tested Tanjiro before he was hired as a precaution, the experiment was such a success that none of the royals doubted Tanjiro’s ability

Tanjiro wholeheartedly cared for the health and safety of his kingdom’s royalty, as he cared for the people like him’s health and safety. Tanjiro doesn’t really remember how he managed to land this role but he is always happy to be of service. On a cool but dazzling night, Tanjiro alongside a pair of highly-trained royal knights guarded the large entrance of the dining room. Tanjiro, himself, had lots of knight training and he could fight if he needed

Almost all knights he trained with proclaimed he was on a level of a prodigy as he mastered specific techniques and movements with little fail. Tanjiro is truly incredible and you knew that well, more than your parents did, you had developed a crush on the “lowly, coal boy”, the more you spent time with him

The dining room consisted of the King and Queen with their one and only daughter, you. Finishing up their lunch as you begin to crave a sweet treat as a nice touchup from your truly incredible dinner, asking the butler politely for a chocolate moose. Neither of your parents argued with your wants, you’re in charge of your own body and nobody can tell you what to do

“Royal Poison Detector, come” A friendly yet partly-exhausted maid remarked when she strolled up to him as Tanjiro immediately skipped over to her to follow her to the grand and familiar kitchen of the palace. Such a huge area that smelt like a culinary heaven, potent with savoury chicken, vegetables and pastries. Tanjiro smiled sweetly at the hardworking patrons of the castle as he watched them work vigorously

He felt truly pampered as a worker of the palace as compared to them. All he did to earn money and love from the royal family was sniff foods and shipments for anything fishy, he didn’t work his back off. Though, he was always willing to be around for you, the crowned princess, when no other knight was available or simply when you asked him too

It’s the least he can do

He suspected a wave of beautiful dishes to be presented to him by the many chefs but before the one glass of chocolate moose, in which he guessed was order by you or the Queen. The infamous King entered the kitchen and snapped his fingers for Tanjiro’s attention, ignoring the number of maids and butlers. Of course, Tanjiro immediately listened to his King’s orders and approached him with that unchanging, heart-fluttering beam. He must have wanted his services elsewhere?

It was simple and it made Tanjiro laugh a bit. The King wanted advice on princes of choice for you and he figured to ask the only other teenager your age and he was thankful that one is a boy. He may know the type of guy you would want and Tanjiro was surprised by the King’s rockiness. He understood well that he wanted the right suitor for his daughter and Tanjiro gave the older man his best opinion

As usual of the entire palace, the King took his word and flashed a grateful smile. He did that a lot and he wouldn’t stop. To him and his wife, Tanjiro is one of the most important workers they have

“Thank you, Tanjiro, my boy. Please return to your services now” Tanjiro nodded without a single ounce of refusal and turned around to be met with the eyes of a chef but nothing. Wait, where is the chef with the dessert? He hadn’t gotten the chance to smell the glass, it was his job to protect the family as he took a deep breath to try locate a trail leading out of the miniature ballroom-sized kitchen

And he did find a trail after only a few seconds of closing his eyes and smelling as deeply as he could… a disgusting smell trail

Poison! The dessert is poisoned!

“WAIT! MY PRINCESS!” Tanjiro called out at the top of his lungs, effectively alerting you to draw the sweet contents of the moose from your lips before anything could touch the skin. Your mother and father were equally as alarmed, they never argued with Tanjiro’s remarks. If he said something was poison, it was poison!

Tanjiro had sprinted out of the room and threw the doors open with heaves for air as he only thought to get that dessert away from you, the mere millisecond he realised he could smell a pungent thread of poison in the air. He can’t be too late to protect the family, no! He can’t! Thankfully, he had caught you, just in time before you took the first bite of your craved dessert

Oh thank goodness… he saved you

“IT’S POISON! DON’T EAT IT!” He was sprinting full speed to the table without a second to take a breath, he didn’t get to smell it as he was occupied discussing a important task with the King. Shit, no, he seriously hoped you didn’t take a bite of that moose, it didn’t seem like you did! His eyes didn’t trick him, were they? He could smell the hints of poison, such a powerful poison dumped inside the thick chocolate substances

It was disgusting… so thick and suffocating. What a nasty, chemical-like smell…

You dropped the spoon instantly once looking at his concerned plum reds, the spoonful of moose landing messily on the silky red sheet of the dinning table as Tanjiro scooped up the dessert-filled glass from in front of you and dumped all of the jello-ey sweet into the nearby bin with a sigh of relief. That awful potent smile of medicinal-like chemicals is finally gone. You’re safe again, though, he felt bad for interrupting the privacy of the royal family’s dinnertime

It’s not like the King and Queen would ever get mad at him for protecting their daughter. He was their savourer

Your father was furious at the fact poison was even inserted inside the dessert. What chef made the desert?! Has a assassin infiltrated the royal grounds?! He gruffly ordered every guard the kingdom had inside the walls to fish out the many high-grade chefs working under the kitchen roof and Tanjiro, using his mighty hound senses, effectively sniffed out the culprit from the long line of horrified persons

“This one, your majesty! He has some type of poison inside his pocket!” Tanjiro’s confident-toned statement was right as a plastic bottle of deadly cyanide pills was drawn out from the chef’s uniform pocket when the guards tackled him to the floor. Tanjiro was always right, he never got anything wrong and you felt yourself falling deeper in love with the Royal Poison Detector standing before you, he kept saving you over and over

He is so selfless and brave, yet he was polite and he apologised to your understanding parents for ruining the dinner. You didn’t even care if he accidentally poured wine all over your gown, you just love him. You’ve always loved Tanjiro and whatever suitor your father wanted you to marry wouldn’t be like him. He would accompany you at night anytime you felt uncomfortable and he was at your doorstep in a instant

Sure, he was just the Royal Poison Detector to your parents and to the palace’s systems but to you, he was like a personal bodyguard and your crush. He waited on your hand and foot with zero problem, he’d make such a great King to you. Tanjiro was truly honoured to serve the crowned princess as she pleased, from the bottom of his heart

What working class man like himself wouldn’t want to help such a beautiful advisory, like yourself

“I’m very glad you didn’t take a bite of that moose, your majesty. But don’t worry now, you’re safe”

[meli-meliai]

Would Scale ever poison your tea?

The answer is yes, surprisingly. And not ONLY your tea-he slips you every kind of poison in all of your meals, but only in the smallest doses so that you wouldn’t even notice.

They include the classics: arsenic, antifreeze, cyanide, etc…

There are also herbal poisons: belladonna, henbane and hemlock, just to name a few.

Some animal’s poisons, like that of the pufferfish and various kinds of snakes.

He even included some magical poisons, just to be safe.

Pinches of toxic powder and drops of diluted venom, all swiftly sprinkled and added to every meal, drink and snack you’ve ever had.

Ever so slowly, dose by dose, you begin to build up an immunity to as many kinds of poisons as he could get his hands on. One that was more potent than any paranoid king and queen’s ever was.

He was relieved, so relieved when you finally stopped feeling nauseous or woozy after a bite of food or a sip of your tea. At your questioning, he sarcastically replied that he was just glad the oolong tea that you steeped had stopped making you sick, and as you rush to defend the drink-which tasted perfectly fine before HE came into your life!- he takes the chance to examine your complexion.

No tinge of green, red, or any other suspicious color. The fact that you are yelling at him proves that your lungs work just fine, and that your digestive or cardiovascular system are both working perfectly.

He felt a sense of pride at his work. He feared that he wouldn’t have enough time to be with you to carry this plan out throughly, but everything turned out perfectly! And all he had to do was meticulously stalk you every single day, monitoring your eating habits and swiping it whenever your back was turned in order to add the ever-so-carefully measured poison.

As an assassin, he knew better than anyone how deadly dating anyone could be. And even though he protected you 24/7, every moment that he possibly can, it would never be enough.

So it wouldn’t hurt to take this extra step (even though he began this habit LONG before you guys began dating, as embarrassing as that was to admit…)

In the middle of your yelling fit, your voice suddenly died down as you see how unresponsive he was being. That was so uncharacteristic of Scale; usually, he would argue with you right back, but it was never all that serious, and you two would usually kiss and make up easily after. So THIS… this was frightening.

“Scale- is everything okay?” You asked, staring with worry at his pondering face. He looked up, and, realizing that he probably made you upset with his offhanded comment, smiled.

He so wanted to tell you what he had done, but he knew that you would probably not take very kindly to having your food spiked for such a long time.

So he kissed you, leaving you a little woozy once again.

“I’m fine! Promise… but I’M brewing the tea next time.”

As you hit his chest-and also pushing him away from you as a result, he laughed. Laughed with joy, and relief. He dodges your next attack and tackles you, all smiles and swiftness and strength.

You embrace each other, and he begins to think of which kind of tea he’ll brew for you next time.

[thehollowwriter]

Man, it sure is an experience hanging out with Clyde when they're having an existential crisis silly thoughts

"Hey do you want some tea?"

"We're nothing but the playthings of a higher being, going through the motions with nothing but idle movements and stories designed for us. There is no free will. There is no choice. We cannot choose our future, it is out of our hands."

"...Is that a no on the tea?"

Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle

@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker

@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline

@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy

@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch @ramshacklerumble

@ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @the-banana-0verlord @cloudcountry @skriblee-ksk

@twstinginthewind @lumdays @theolivetree123 @natsukishinomiyaswife @authoruio

@jewelulu @raguiras

[moonspirit]

Hello Moon,

Might we have some more Grandpa Levi? The thought of him with all the grandkids around him warms the heart.

Personally, I think that when the first kid is just learning to talk, they will try to call Levi Captain, but it will come out as Capin, and it’s a name that will stick. From then on, all the grandkids will call Levi “Capin.”

I imagine Levi is one of those people who is just naturally gifted with babies; if you have a crying baby, give it to Levi, and in 5 minutes, tops, the kid will be snoozing away. In fact, he just has a calming air with kids in general, and I imagine whenever the ambassadors have get-togethers or Family reunions, Levi will be found with all the kids snoozing around him at some point.

Levi also seems like one of those adults who refuses to talk down to kids, no matter the subject. The kid could be talking about unicorns or wizards, and he’ll be following along as if he were talking to an adult (maybe with a few fewer swears, but he can’t help himself if one slips out)

I think this has already been said, but one of the grandkid's first words will be a joyful and loud exclamation of “S**T” or “F**k” he will insist it wasn’t him

One thing he secretly likes doing but would never admit is pretend tea parties. He thinks it’s important to teach children proper tea etiquette, such as how to serve guests and proper stirring techniques.

One year, the guys will get him a photo album with pictures of all the grandkids. While he thanks them in a subdued manner, it is to him the greatest gift he ever received, and he keeps adding more and more photos over the years.

As always, I’d love to hear what you think.

Oohhhhhh this grandpa Levi propaganda has me going all asskdjasjhfsakfk T/////T

Because "Capin" Levi oh my god! It's so ridiculous, everyone else has a good laugh when their kids are running towards Levi for a hug, but he shoots them a glare and says "What? What's wrong with Capin?" It only makes them laugh harder because they just can't stand how adoooooorable it is. That's their former deadly Captain reduced to a Capin now!!!!

And yes he's a human sleeping pill. In fact I hc that Armin, Annie, Jean etc end up relying on him a lot when their infant children just refuse to sleep across weeks and weeks. Levi becomes quite used to opening the door to his former Scout kids sporting unkempt hair, eyebags, dark circles and formula stains, babies on their shoulders and going, "Captain... We haven't slept in a month... would you please..." And BAM- Ackerman Daycare is open again!

The "not talking down to kids" part made me laugh so hard xD I can just imagine a situation where one of the kids is going, ".... and then, my unicorn horse will FART SMELLY GAS into the evil monster's face, and the monster will DIE, and-"

But Levi says, "Unicorns can't fart smelly gas, they fart rainbows."

"But.... rainbows are boring!"

"What if the rainbows are poisonous gas--like cyanide--disguised to look colourful? That way, Unicorn Horse can take down the evil monster faster."

"Hey! That's so cool! .... by the way, what's cyanide gas?"

"... Nothing. Don't repeat that to your mother."

(30 mins away in a town center, Annie sneezes).

And pretend tea parties yes, yes. Levi visits dollhouse experts and carpenters and orders a custom-made pretend tea-set. It's all very nice; tea etiquette and proper stirring techniques are necessary skills for children to learn so they can go out into the Big Scary World. It's an excuse for him to drink more tea, let's be real.

It's all so cute and wonderful to picture T^T thank you for this!

[demonadelem]

Fandom discourse is the worst when it gets too character focused rather then plot focused.

I took an adult course in English and a large part of it was media literacy. I remember reading the first short story assigned to me in class and in my first draft I kept trying to materially justify that the landlady killed the protagonist in the story.

I was overly focuses on clues like the how he tasted almond in the tea he drank because cyanide tastes like that. What was the thing I was supposed to use as evidence was how the author set up the atmosphere, the language used to describe the hotel and the lady and the weather. All of it.

I had a media illiterate fandom passerby in my head arguing with me that "oh but that doesn't mean the landlady is a serial killer just because the wind is howling and biting" I had to relearn media literacy.

I learned to read implication again and be okay with indirect non-literal interpretations. Let go of the idea that confirmation is everything. Story language is as strong evidence as the words that the characters say because characters aren't people, they have no thoughts and feelings. How they dress does say something about them other then "they just like the style." as what we would assume with real people.

The lack of media literacy that disturbs me the most in fandom is how the potential thoughts and feelings of a character are prioritized over their function in the story.