#I couldn’t put some of my favorite quotes because of spoilers

[remus-poopin]

What are your top HP fics based on writing? Like things that are just beautiful to read

Wow I think I’m answering this 3 months late sorry aghh. Again, I don’t read as many fics as I would like to, but I’ve been changing that recently and these are 4 that have really stood out to me in terms of writing!

Savour the Moment by - @evesaintyves

This fic made me both sad and hungry

This is a truly beautiful portrait of Molly and her relationship with Ginny. I really love how effortlessly this weaves in the food and cooking imagery with the emotions of the characters. The descriptions are so detailed and vivid that you can practically taste the cakes and pies off of the words alone.

Grief is hanging over this fic heavy, grief from Molly with her brothers and grief yet to come from Ginny. These two very different women, who also feel things very differently, have an extremely engaging back and forth of attempted connections. Both of them want it but aren’t able to easily get there with each other, and that struggle was very compelling to me.

Really such a great fic, I always find myself coming back to it

Favorite quotes:

“Molly has always tasted her memories. Perhaps that's why she's always been a bit thick round the middle: food relishes the good times, is the physical stuff of love. Ever since she was a little girl: plum pudding was Christmas and summers were cherry ice cream and chocolate flake. The time she broke her ankle jumping down from a tree, to this day, is the chalk flavor of Skele-Gro and a limp cucumber sandwich from the St Mungo's cafeteria. Her mother is sweet milky tea and her father is cottage pie with mushrooms, his favourite, flavoured with the smoke of his pipe in the air.”

“She learned to cook at her own mother's elbow and she is full of warm, creamy, ginger-flavoured memories of it. But Ginny's never liked being in the kitchen with her mum. She wants to be out with the boys, flying on broomsticks, getting jostled and scraped and braying coarse laughter through a mouthful of blood. That's why, when she thinks about Ginny, it's not the cream tea and swiss roll flavours she expected when she learned she was finally having a girl. It's rain-drenched popcorn at the Quidditch match and the salt of a kiss on Ginny's sweaty, gritty forehead.”

Sparkling Cyanide - @saintsenara

The house elf plot-line in the hp books leaves MUCH to be desired when it comes to fully and unequivocally condemning slavery. Due to this, you might find that me and my black ass are, shockingly, not its biggest fans.

However this fic is a brilliant look into elves’ oppression and enslavement AND their culture and agency.

This fic focuses on the death of Hepzibah Smith and the conditions surrounding and leading up to it. Specifically the subjugation of Elves and how that system encourages the idea of them as docile, unintelligent, and submissive (And how this perception can be wielded against the wizards that enslave them).

What I find so striking about this fic is how language is centered as a tool to illustrate the functions of colonial mindsets. I think this does a fantastic job at subverting the trope of “improper English = stupidity” that HP uses so frequently.

This was an extremely satisfying and moving read!

Favorite quotes:

“Come quickly and stop faffing,’ Mes Ebhsebbá says to Eokhí. She is clicking her fingers at Eokhí, like there is magic in her fingers. There is magic in Eokhí’s fingers. She is able to make the whole house fall to the ground if she is wanting to.”

“They is not knowing that we is knowing how to take the lives we is wanting from them. And that is why they is not thinking about how many weapons they is putting in kitchens.”

The Seven names of Mrs Zabini - @artemisia-black

And if I said that she did nothing wrong then what?

I’ve mentioned this fic several times before but I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. The way this is written is actually masterful; the attention to details, the poetic language, the characterization. I’m going to scream.

There is just something about this fic that entrances me. This is actually my favorite genre of story, the “good for her!” category, and whenever I read/watch these I go temporarily insane.

Because this is in first person we’re really getting into Mrs. Zabini’s mindset and the traumas that inform it, and this is extremely effective/convincing in making you stay on her side even while she is committing cold blooded murder.

Another thing I love about this is how the actual murders are so casually placed in the story, in comparison with how rich the rest of the imagery that Mrs. Zabini is describing. It’s almost like an afterthought. It makes her sound so much colder and more calculating than if there was a long depiction of each individual killing, so I thought that was a really brilliant writing choice.

If you love Gone Girl definitely give this a read!

Favorite quotes:

“There is a reason that Venus herself emerges from her half shell as a fully formed woman, blinking naively into existence. This is what men actually desire, a goddess who knows nothing of the world and so is more easily amused by the trinkets he throws at her. A divine being who is blissfully unaware of her own divinity. A being who had no thought but him and who cannot function outside of him.”

“I had gone to my wedding bed expecting a transformative experience where his penis would alchemise me from a girl into a woman. An expectation I had imbibed from a society that exalts the wonder of the male member. Instead, as I lay there shivering with his rotten seed running down my leg, I felt used and disgusted at the man I had been condemned to spend the rest of my life servicing”

“And as I rattled around our isolated country house, I believed him. Hiding myself from mirrors, starving my body in order to obtain the concave stomach and taut thighs that he so desired. But when I corrected one perceived flaw, he would find another. Peppering his insults with crumbs of tenderness that lured and trapped me in reality of his making.”

The Secret in the Heart of the Forest by @myrskytuuli

This one has it all: accidental cannibalism, ancient rituals, Snape sass, feral Lily, elf politics, generational trauma, fairy induced psychosis, and most importantly the Marauders + Sev and Lily + Regulus and Narcissa all teamed up. Oh yeah I’m eating this up

This one is longer than the others so I’m really going to try to make this as brief as I can but this fic is actually insane because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a hp fic and I think I could talk about it forever.

I was genuinely so giddy reading this. There were so many twists and turns and it remained gripping the whole time. This is a psychedelic fever dream, introspective character study, horror adventure and a beautiful tale of friendship all wrapped in one. I absolutely loved everyone’s characterization here, they’re all so beautifully flawed and you can really understand where they are coming from on a personal level but also on a sociological level, I think the author did a MASTERFUL job at this.

The worldbuilding is INSANELY good (the interlude chapters revolving around each of their mothers made me cry repeatedly. And Elieens chapter is just incredible, I have no words). And the pacing is just excellent, I never felt like any of the growth was forced or unearned.

This storytelling is also amazing, whenever there was a theme or reference brought up before in the story that got tied back in again, my mouth would physically drop because it was so seamless yet so meaningful and impactful.

(Sorry but I just need to talk about characterization for a brief minute because this has some of my favorite characterizations that I’ve ever read of some of these characters:

This is my absolute favorite Lily. Like ever. She feels so real here with her anger and flaws and quirks. She is neither villainized nor deified but a full fleshed out character. I just love her!

This is also my favorite James! James is usually a tough character for me to stay engaged with but this fic does an excellent job at balancing his strengths and flaws while keeping him compelling.

This Snape is PERFECT!!! I actually don’t think I can describe how much I love this depiction, all I can say is if you’re a Snape lover who enjoys him being a lil shit you should read this.

Also Peter is just incredible here, too often is he forgotten but this fic really does him justice.

Ok I’ll stop but just know that I could go on and on about all of these characters)

And seeing these characters who would normally hate each other come together to build meaningful bonds while they grow with their own issues is actually cathartic.

If you are a Marauder and Snape fan this is required reading, I really can’t recommend this enough!

Favorite quotes (there were way too many omg):

“Sirius had been angry for a long time now. Sometimes Sirius wondered if he had been born angry, if his first cry had never truly ended”

“Remus had said nothing after that. He was becoming a champion of saying nothing.”

“‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘I won’t forgive what you did to me.’ Severus said back with conviction.

‘Good.’ Sirius said with equal conviction.”

“At this point, Lily had arrived like the loyal shadow she tended to be around Snape, spitting out an angry ‘What the fuck?’”

“Sometimes he burned with the need to yank himself free of Lily and the blade of love hanging between them. To hurt her when she stepped over Severus' abused body like an avenging angel that looked down at him and made him look small, dirty, used and worthless. A worm crawling in the mud.”

Ok that’s all for now! I definitely think you should give all these a read!!

[cursedcatchild]

Ok, so I watched TOTTMNT and I am here to rant. Also, SPOILERS ahead!

So First of all, if I had to sum up my thoughts into a single sentence it would be: For the love of God, put those turtles back together, where they belong!!

I didn’t hate the show, but I didn’t come to like it either. And no, I did not have any prejudgment just because it was a new iteration. Honestly I was super hyped for this version, because the movie was a blast. Yea, I ended up being disappointed. But let me just elaborate on that:

First let’s take a look at our turtles from worst to best in my opinion.

Mikey:

Yepp, ladies and gentlemen so far I have never seen a single iteration where I didn’t come to like a Mikey. He’s always among my favs. But this version felt super shallow. He had just as much screen time in the series as his brothers and yet I still have no idea who this guy really is. His jokes were lame not really landing, I couldn’t really point out any particular goal or insecurity that anyone could relate to. Also, the guy is super oblivious. Like he took ten minutes to realize he walked into a robbery when he went for groceries. Heck he was having a casual conversation with the robbers. 

Leo: 

Another kinda shallow guy. Sure we seen a bit of insecurity, he literally quoted Rise Leo saying “ I’m nothing without them!” but it felt irreal. Because Rise Leo had a reason to think that, he wasn’t as much of a functional member of the team and he was always taken for jokes. But right from the beginning of TOTTMNT we see Tales Leo commanding his brothers, they listen to him  and even say it multiple times how planning is Leo’s thing. So at this point this Leo is just fucking blind. ( Also April slaps instant self confidence into the boy.) 

Raph:

Ok, this is also the first time, but I never really took a liking to a Raph before Tales Raph. Boy is filled with anger and sass, yet he’s not coming off as a total jerk like 2012 Raph. And of course he's not a super softie like Rise Raph ( I don’t hate Rise Raph for being a softie, he's my second favorite Raph) either. He had some fun pipe up and overall a personality I got. I think he’s the most perfect Raph I have ever seen. 

Donnie:

The best character of the iteration in my humble opinion. He was relatable, funny, honestly he was stealing Mikey’s job as the comic relief, but at the same time he’s the smart guy. The boy is ranting about not being the IT guy and then goes reprogramming an evil robot. Oh and he saved so many lifes, because he stopped a fucking train crash. He’s epic, I swear.

(My fave screenshot ever 🤣🤣)

Now story wise:

🔥What the fuck was this dumpster fire?! 🔥Who thought splitting up the turtles would be fine?! 😑Especially in a 12 episode season? Look, I don't mind solo or duo time. There were plenty of good ones, for example Rise. I adored the Mikey vs Leo cook off episode or the Gumbus one, but for the sake of my sanity Rise had twice as many episodes and the turtles were not split up for the majority of the story.

Like I'm not joking when I say they were together in 4 episodes intotal.😨😨

Now I heard rumors left and right that the fact that they need to make a show was thrown at the team at the last minute ( IDK how true is that) , but goodness gracious even if I was presented with the task with a “ Due tomorrow label” I could still write a better story. Especially with the goldmine what the writers decided to ignore.

Yes, something that would've made TOTTMNT be really unique….. School people! We were promised that we will explore the turtles from the teenage side. Ummm….Hate to break it to ya all but I think there is no better way to do that than putting them into school.

It would’ve been fire to see them trying to fit in, balancing all the cool hero stuff with school life, maybe wrecking the school, seeing how other teenangers adjust to the fact that now giant talking turtles are their classmates. It wouldn’t be some crazy mind blowing plot, but I swear it would've been amazing.

Now don’t misunderstand me. Despite the story feeling like being all over the place it wasn’t that super bad, but I’m pissed that it could've been better with ease.

Also another thing that bugged me, is the feeling of something missing. IDK if anyone else who watched it felt like this, but I legit felt like if we just grabbed the for example farm arc from 2012 TMNT and aired it as season 1. The fact that the turtles were split and they kept mentioning that they have always been fighting together made me feel like I should’ve seen them do that.

Anyways, If I did not take your will to watch it away, go and check it out. It's not horrible but not great either. I’m disappointed and I'm gonna need Rise back, thank you very much!

[lilybecca1]

What are your fav personal headcanons about BakuDeku? What are your favorite (canon) moments of BakuDeku? Also, do you have any fav ships (from any fandom) that the dynamics remind you of BKDK? Thanks if you want to answer....

Hi! Omg yes I actually do have one ship that reminds me a lot about bkdk now that I think about it. Haven't even realized the connection before but holy shit

And it's HiroZero from Darling in the Franxx

Cause hear me out guys (MAJOR spoilers). They start out as childhood friends, but then fade apart because of the seperation. One of them ends up totally forgetting about that one defining moment in their childhood (Hiro aka Deku) while the other completely hyperfixates on it to the point of pushing everyone away (Zero Two aka Bakugo). Hiro (Deku) is amazed and in awe about everything that Zero Two (Bakugo) is. Zero Two always tried to fight on her own, because she thinks no one else can keep up with her, and thinks that Hiro is just a fodder stuck by her side just like everyone else, but he proves himself that he is capable again and again, completely changing Zero Two's view of him, and turning her from a cold, distant person who doesn't care about anyone else, into a caring, sensitive person who warmed up towards making friends, and who is completely devoted to Hiro.

Throughout the entire anime, Ichigo(kinda parallel to Ochaco) tried to get Hiro to be less reckless and stop throwing himself into fights, but for Hiro, it's always "Zero Two and the others". No matter how hard Ichigo tries to make him settle back into the life that he had with them, in his eyes, he will always see Zero Two. For them, it's always only each other. The love that they have for each other goes much deeper than what anyone else can comprehend.

And the whole symbolism behind Hiro and Zero Two is the symbol of the doves with one wing. Alone, they cannot survive, but when they're together, they can soar higher than anyone else. Two doves that are incomplete without each other. Two sides of the same coin.

And the ending is what I loved the most. In the end, they become each other, they become the one and the same soul. Their feelings completely become one. They end up floating across space for years and years, time insignificant as long as they're together. Just like bkdk's "Even if we only have one lifetime, together we have an unlimited supply". Because it doesn't matter if they die, as long as they'll remain by the other's side even in the afterlife.

"I had nothing, but you gave me a sense of meaning". Just like how Hiro felt his life was meaningless until Zero Two came along. And these are both quotes from the song "Because you're my hero" aka the song about Izuku's feelings towards Katsuki.

"It was like I was put under a spell. Her two alluring horns, and my first ever look at a naked girl’s body, left me transfixed, unable to take my eyes off of her." The same as how Izuku couldn't take his eyes off of Bakugo, because he was transfixed by his amazingness.

"When we first met, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You were confident, held your head high, and I found that beautiful." I honestly wouldn't be able to decide if this came from Izuku or Hiro. Izuku always found Bakugo's confidence, the way he always held his head high something that he couldn't take his eyes off of. And he found it beautiful too. You can see it in his eyes, even if he never said it with the same words.

"You and I; alone and lonesome. With the wings that I tore apart with my own hands, it will never be possible again to fly away. The days that I could spend as your wing, the sky that I dreamed we could take to some day. It has all started fading away, far, far away." Which for Bakugo means, "the dream of flying together, of being heroes together that I tore apart with my own hands at the river, it has all started fading far, far away because of what I did"

"If Zero Two can’t smile for me, than I might as well be dead." It's similar to how Deku feels, like when he said he can't imagine a world without Kacchan in it.

"Liar. If that were true, then why is your last page left blank? Don’t fly off on your own. Please, Zero Two, let me stay with you. Together...let’s rewrite that story."" Bakugo knew he would die too when he sacrificed himself, yet he did it anyway, for Izuku, even if deep down all he wanted was to compete with him for the rest of his life. "Nevertheless, my heart is crying with your pain. Can I at least be by your side, even if we cannot understand each other""Together we steal the future and imagine it" quotes from some of the ending songs.

"The distant skies. Beyond time and distance. An overwhelmingly long journey just for the two of us. You're a part of me. I'm a part of you. I'll remember your warmth, along with the memories we've made together. I'll never let you go again!" Never let you go again, just like bkdk's version of I'll never let your hand go ever again. "Won't let that hand slip away anymore. Forever and ever ahead, the two of us together" also a quote from one of the songs.

"I’m always alone, too. Thanks to these horns." And Bakugo used to always be alone because of his anger, which made him seem like a monster.

"Maybe we can't win alone, but the two of us together can!" Just like Bakudeku ✨

Bakudeku IS literally HiroZero, because the love and connection they have is the same, even if their story isn't. Two doves who are meaningless without each other, but they give meaning to eachothers' lives and fly forever together, for the rest of their lives.

All the parallels are FREAKING INSANE

Like them meeting under a cherry blossom tree in their second life

And becoming TWO STARS IN THE SKY, TWIRLING AROUND EACH OTHER LIKE TWIN STARS?

if they were orange and green it would be undeniable

And also the hand holding symbolism between them too, and how first it was Hiro that held out his hand to Zero Two and "saved" her, then in the end, Zero Two held out her hand to him, just like Bakugo in the manga.

Like seriously, the only thing different in their story is that they actually kissed.

And now I actually remember how beautiful I found their story when I watched Darling in the Franxx and I can say the same about Bakudeku. Their story and their connection is just as beautiful too, and it goes way beyond mere human emotions. They are one and they mean more to each other than anything else.

HiroZero is the canon version of BakuDeku

Okay this already turned out pretty long but I'll answer the rest of the questions anyway:

My personal fave headcanons:

Deku being able to tolerate spicy food even better than Bakugo is one of them 😂 like he literally has no pain receptors in his body. He broke his bones over and over again during the tournament and even used his MOUTH. Like you can't tell me he can't tolerate spicy food cause I bet my ahh that he wouldn't even FEEL that

2. My second one is Bakugo being the housewife 😂 like y'all he can cook, he's a clean freak, he orders everyone else around, he'd be so housewife material in the relationship

3. Bakugo always making physical contact with Deku in some way. Like whether it's just a playful shove, or putting his elbow on him, that guy cannot keep his hands off of Deku for even a second

4. Both of them having nightmares and panic attacks after the war about losing each other, and only being comforted by feeling the other's presence

5. Bakugo visiting Izuku every single day at school and sneaking into his classes while the students stare at him like wtf you doing here. Then after a while they're just like Deku-sensei your husband is staring in from outside the window again

6. Katsuki getting jealous over small things even though they're not even dating. Like you went out to eat with Shoto instead of me???! How dare you, this is the worst betrayal of my life

7. Even when they're adults, they know by heart the All Might theme choreography dance they learned when they were kids and Deku always makes Bakugo join him to dance it with him at parties

8. Izuku: How can anyone hate the rain?

Bakugo: Oh God they're tryna drown me in this ho

9. They're crossing the street, car honks:

Bakugo: F*CK YOU D*CKWAD

Midoriya, bowing 20 times: I'm so sorry please forgive his behaviour

10. They don't hang out like their other friends, when they hang out they are just simply quietly doing their own thing, being in the same space but in a comfortable silence, not feeling forced to make conversation. They just quietly enjoy each other's company while they do their own thing

11. Bakugo: is protective and gets easily jealous and makes a big show of it

Deku: is possessive but doesn't get easily jealous (idk if that makes sense lol)

12. Bakugo: gets offended easily and dramatically pouts for some time after but he calms down quickly

Deku: doesn't get hurt or angry easily but once he does actually get into an argument, he avoids Bakugo for days

And favorite canon moments though would probably be:

DvK2, basically the whole fight

Bakugo running to Deku in the hospital

Every single time Deku loses control cause of Bakugo getting hurt

The entire second movie

Deku punching Bakugo (that was kinda satisfying)

River scene (literally the most defining moment)

Swan dive scene (it's literally the base of all the angst that ever existed in every fic, and I love angst so)

Bakugo's apology (not just because of Bakugo apologizing, but Izuku's reaction too. This is one of the biggest scenes where we see just how much he actually means to Izuku)

The entire snowy mountain camping chapter in the novels (it was literally THE turning point in Bakugo's feelings and it wasn't even animated bruh)

Okay if I write any more than that I'll probably end up listing every single bkdk moment in the entire manga so that's enough probably 😂

[docholligay]

I Saw the TV Glow

I’m essentially always up for a weird horror movie, so when I saw the ads for I Saw the TV Glow, I knew I was in. I don’t generally look up anything about a movie before I go, and in truth, prefer when a trailer doesn’t tell me all that much about what’s going to happen in a movie. This fit the bill!

Non-spoilery: Go in as blind as possible to this movie. There were a lot of things I thought this movie was going to be about, and it was not any of them. What it ended up being about was fantastic. This movie is really really going to resonate with some people my age and the ages around it. I don’t know if it will be as effective for younger people for a variety of reasons. 

Bear in mind I saw this once several months ago, with spoilers below the cut. 

OKAY. We’re in spoiler zone now, so let’s get into this: This movie is about the experience of being gay or trans, specifically in the late 90s to early aughts. We’ll get more into that later, but I want to put it on the table right now. This movie is horror in a Twilight Zone sense. That is in fact my favorite kind of horror! But if you’re seeing it billed as a horror movie, you may not get out of it what you are expecting. 

The Pink Opaque is absolutely Buffy. So much so that Jetty felt called out multiple times: They use the Buffy font, there’s a cameo from a Buffy actress, etc. The movie is not trying to hide this very well. And the Pink Opaque is not a great show! It’s more of a carriage device for these two teenagers that have something in common, something that sparks a realization between them of who they actually are. 

Throughout the show, as Owen gets more and more involved in wanting to watch the show with Maddy, we start seeing quotes in the background that could absolutely be on a high school board, but also…are very much about what is needed inm order to decide to unbury yourself, and live in the Pink Opaque. The one I remember the most, is because it’s one of my favorite quotes. “Without courage, all other virtues are meaningless.” I think about this quote all the time, because I think it is true. You can be kind, you can be intelligent, you can be loyal, but if you are a coward, those virtues mean nothing at the close of business. 

It’s impossible for me to explain to people even 7 to 10 years younger tha  me how different the world was then. I made the choice Maddy made and decided to live in The Pink Opaque as myself, but I love that it isn’t shown as consequence-free either. There are a lot of entanglements and difficulties and fights that came with that decision. You choose to live that way, in 2004, and you get to be the hero, but the hero has to constantly be on guard for the monsters around every corner. And this isn’t even me going, ‘poor pitiful me’--my life was leaps and bounds easier than 10 years before me--but it is a very very different landscape. Fucking no one bats an eye at me being gay now, realistically. 

When Maddy comes back as Tara, and says this is who she always has been, and she had to dig herself out of a fucking grave to be that, I was there, baby! I am not going to get too much into my personal life, but the process of becoming Doc was not a bloodless one. Her coming back and telling him he can have it all, he just has to be willing to die for it--fucking loved that. I have so many memories of having the same conversations with people. We couldn’t have everything. My peers had to decide between having college paid for, having a place to live, and being out, and not everyone had the brass ones to go my way. I made an impulsive, insane decision, and I have never ever regretted it. My parents couldn’t have paid for college anyhow, so fuck it. But it was a choice other people had same as I did, and again, sitting in that dark school ‘planetarium” telling Owen he can live a harder but more real life, fuck. Again, without courage, ALL OTHER VIRTUES ARE MEANINGLESS. I do genuinely feel like this movie might be a miss for a generation whose parents and social circles were simply awkward about it at worst. 

Not scary in the usual sense, but I think a great psychological horror about the costs of doing business, in this life. 

You’re poisoned, you’re buried alive, and that line about, “And you’ll never even know you’re dying.” I mean, sometimes I feel like I was a near miss from living my entire life closeted, as bizarre as that sounds for someone who left home over the matter. I am a person who just makes decisions, and what if I had made the decision to shut that part of myself off, as Owen did? 

My favorite part of this movie is when Owen shuts that part of himself off, and we see him living his life, and he has a family but we NEVER SEE THEM. Because they aren’t a real part of him either, they are all a part of the set dressing of the life he has convinced himself he wants. He is going to be a man, he is going to live as a man and tell himself that’s what he really wants. And then to end up in the bathroom, to end up vomiting all that moon juice and knowing that he has been dying inside the whole time? I thought it was such a beautifully sad ending. 

IF I had a criticism of this movie, there would be a couple handfuls: 

It can be a little on the nose, now and again. I think Maddy-as-Tara’s monologue goes on a little long and loses some of its punch. 

It doesn’t lean quite as hard into the unreliable narrator that is Owen as it could, and so I could see people going, “Oh, Tara was completely right, and Owen made the wrong choice” when even within the narrative, it is telling us that to live in the Pink Opaque is to kill who you are now. That is…not nothing. Owen has, for example, a real relationship with his mother. That’s something that can be lost. Because both me and the author made the same choice, its easy for us to write it as ‘correct’, and honestly it was only on stepping back for a bit that I’m like, “Hm, while this does a better job than 90% of the movies about this I’ve seen, i wish it would have outlaid the cost a little more” but I would want to rewatch it before I made that a HARD criticism instead of a soft one. I was still figuring out everything about the movie, and so didn’t have a chance to really analyze it in this lens. 

I had another criticism, but I actually do want to watch it again before I commit to it, upon reflection. 

[yzafre]

thoughts on tmnt 2003

I finally finished watching 2003 for the first time! I've been compiling thoughts as I go along, so here they all are, for the "I like hearing what new people think of my favorite things" crowd (and also just to give myself a place to put them).

Spoiler alert: it's mostly positive, and forgiving of the less-than-positive. This gets long, so I put it below a read more:

Okay, so I saw everyone talking about how different Rise was from 2012, and how it jarred people, and some people couldn’t stomach it, but I never saw anyone mentioning 2003’s place in this discussion?  Because I didn’t realize just how much 2012 pulled from 2003, and I feel like the expectations that set about what it means to do a new iteration of the franchise definitely had a place in how people received something different

On that note, I kind of want to do a “who wore it better” post about all the arcs 2012 adapted... (although 2003 probably also pulled its ideas from somewhere else – I've heard the comics, maybe?  I barely know anything about those, so have no idea how closely they’re connected.).

The City at War arc (good series of episodes, btw) really clarified a point of difference for me in how I understand 2003 and 2012 Raphael.  And by that I mean I think 12!Raph would agree with 03!Leo?  Not on the honor/it’s our fault point, but on the “the gangs are out there hurting people, and we should do something about it”. I’d need to re-watch some episodes to check my work here (I think the episode where they meet Murakami sticks out most in my head?) but 12!Raph seemed to have – at least verbally – an investment in the idea of stopping bad guys simply because they were hurting people.

Okay so obviously Same As It Never Was is agonizing, BUT.  Leo in Usagi’s world was SOOOOO funny to me.  omg.  Everyone just being all “ninja deceit”!  “Dishonorable ninja”!!  With Leo’s whole... deal.  Like from the beginning of the show I was like “isn’t bushido a samurai thing?” when Leo brought it up, so to see it being highlighted here is.  Mwah.  Even Usagi being “bluh bluh you’re turning me into a ninja with all this sneaking around >:(".  SO funny.  I was dying.

I’ve talked several times on how 2012 invested in inter-connected, long-form plots rather than being purely episodic, so it’s interesting to see 2003 move that way as the seasons go on!  I don’t think it ever quite reaches the level of ‘12, but you can definitely see how the writers were inspired by the plot work going on here, and went “okay, can we do that but more?”  The differences between how the two shows do it is interesting, too, but that would be a whole other conversation.

Similarly, I can see how part of Rise’s inspirations might’ve been some of the weirder world-building stuff going on in ‘03.  Everything about the underground city/ the Y’Lyntians, the idea of the Utrom/Kraang being here since long ago, all the more mystic stuff that ‘12 only sometimes dabbled in.  ((I also think part of the way Rise was written was to be in dialogue with the themes of ‘03 and ‘12, but that’s also a different conversation.))

I was aware of Grudge Match before watching the show, but given what I knew about it I honestly expected Mikey to be much more obnoxious about it?  Like yes he wouldn’t shut up about it in the multi-part immediately after the Nexus arc, but after that it seemed like he only mentioned it, what, once every couple episodes? Grudge Match implies he was louder about it off screen – which would be in character – but given how good the show usually is at “show don’t tell” for setting up characterization it stood out to me.

Okay this is petty but.  I am getting very tired of the constant movie quotes.  Stop that.

Okay so on the topic of “show don’t tell” characterization – Leo's ptsd arc was good.  Like this was a thing I knew about before starting the show but everyone was right it was goooood. Like obviously within the limitations of a kids show, but a wonderful amount of nuance for that audience. It tracks so well start to finish, even from season 1 where Leo was shown to have this.  Really strong but devastatingly rigid sense of identity?  Like what it means to be a warrior, and who he has to be because of that.  Like the thing with his identity being tied to the swords, and then the reason why he was tempted by Shredder’s initial (lying) offer. It all tracks to like.  Okay when he fails.  When he can’t live up to it.  Of course it shattered his mental state and threatened his sense of identity.  Of course it did.  And then just several arcs of different plots but with this other character story woven through them.  Just in how he was approaching it.  This is the shit I was wanting from ‘12 the whole time.

And Usagiiii.  Usagi.  I love him so much, and this was such great use of him. Building up a solid, believable foundation for a very enjoyable relationship between him and Leo, then bringing it back at this critical juncture in Leo’s character.  FUCK their conversations in Samura Tourist were so good.  Amazing.  Fantastic.

Actually just all the work that’s done with the turtle’s allies is great.  The homeless/junkyard people.  The super-heroes.  Leatherhead.  Usagi.  The Daimyo.  Just... all of it?  I love it?  It makes the world feel more alive and the turtles grounded in it as like.  Real people.  Who make connections and upkeep them and.  Yeah I love it.

I reached Tale of Master Yoshi and noooooo it’s.  It’s the 2012.  It’s the 2012 backstory.  The inspiration for 2012’s whole thing… its right here… ((Although is it just me or,,, does Yoshi (our hero) look a lot more western compared to Mashimi (our villain)?  There’s something about that.... hm. Hmmmmm.))

Hello season 5! A!Ni!Me! Bullshit!!!  Very accelerated anime bullshit.  Obliviously this is a huge inspiration for Rise, though I appreciate that that show took more time for the powers to build up.  Also the ninja tribunal are assholes and very questionable teachers.  Would it kill you to actually explain anything ever.

Huhhh okay so I am picking up a LOT of Rise vibes not just from the mystic powers/glowy lines, but from Splinter’s deal with the ninja tribunal, and how they wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice the boys, and how the brothers need to stick together.  VERY reminiscent of Rise!Splinter’s deal with the Hamato.

Noooo not Oroku Saki getting possessed by a demon.  Hello Rise backstory.  I see.  It really all comes back to 2003 doesn’t it?  Rise was definitely made by people who looked at S5 and went “okay, can we do that but more?”

Have I talked about how much I love that from the beginning the show was just like “oh yeah also actual superheroes exist in this world, it’s just an accepted thing”?  Because I do.  Love it a lot.  Having most of them be really old/kinda retired/people are forgetting about them was a good idea though because otherwise.  Their spotty presence at cataclysmic events would be much more noticeable.

Dragon fight is cool.  That is all.

The fact that at this point Stockman is just straight up like “Let me die.  Please let me die” is.  Well it sure is something!

I’d heard the last two seasons weren’t as good and… yeah.  Like it’s not bad, it’s just… less good.  I miss the world and characters of the previous season.  Though hey did the Rise gear designs steal some inspo from this season?

HOWEVER.  The episode introducing the dark turtles.  Where Leo’s like “if you’re really my clone, you should value honor and the code of bushido!” and his counterpart just... stares solemnly for an extended time before being like “lmao yeah nope” and sucker punching him was hilarious, and got a sharp laugh out of me.  Favorite moment in this season.  I actually liked this episode overall, too.

So.  Hm.  Mikey has always been very un-serious – a jokester, (verbally) a bit of a coward at times, easily distracted.  But as this season goes on it really feels like they’re amping it up/exaggerating those traits, to the point of stripping away anything else at times. Similarly, his brother’s willingness to indulgence/reactions to his silliness seems to fluctuate wildly, but on a downward trend - they always razzed him, but in this season... well they paired his increased goof-offs with increased put downs/jokes about it. This, while a bit annoying to me as a characterization choice, does track on a more meta-textual level.  By this point it’s 2006-2007.  2007 is the year Big Bang Theory aired, which I find to be, uh…. Tonally representative of the cultural attitude in the US between 2008 annnnd… 2013-ish?  There was this extra-concentrated feeling of, like… snideness and sarcasm that I remember around that time period.  It’s also very prominent in TMNT 2012 – especially in Season 1 (when binging that show I was hit by high school memories so viscerally that I said, out loud, “oh, GOD, we really were all Like That, weren’t we?” only a few episodes in).  Similarly to my post about the increasing frequency of the “Gibbs slap”, I find it interesting to see the way the changing attitudes are reflected in the same show as time passes.

LET STOCKMAN REST jeZUS

Overall, I see three kinds of episodes in season 6: mediocre, good, and what I call “good but out of order”.  What I mean by that last bit, is like… okay, the Graduation episode was good in theory, but felt very strange coming after Season 4/5, you get me?  Things where the concept is solid, but seems to be placed in the wrong position in their arcs, which I think is a knock-off effect from the lightened tone of the season.

Oh.  I just got to the second episode of S7 and.  I don’t…. hm.  So, I could deal with the simplified designs in Fast Forward, because they got some cool new gear stuff added in as well, but this is.  Uh.  Worse. But even beyond that – the dynamics also feel sort of off.  If Casey has been going to this gym for a while, why is April only now doing something about it….?  I don’t feel like she would have let this go just because the guys weren’t there. Also I'm putting it down here now that I think the whole digital world thing is kinda dumb

I do think 2012 looked at a lot of the ideas for S7 and went “interesting idea, we can do it way better”, which I commend them for.  Admittedly, these can also be stock tropes: April getting possessed also reminds me of Ghost Busters/Zuul, and mind control is a pretty standard trope, but… well, you know.  2012 took so much else from 2003, you can’t help but wonder if they pulled inspiration here, too.

Oh they are wayyyy over-using the Shredder/Foot Clan sting/motif this season and it is getting,,, annoying,,,

I kept waiting to see what they were doing with it, but they did not handle Donnie’s guilt arc with anywhere near the finesse they did Leo’s.  It wasn’t… horrible, I guess.  It’s just notably lacking in comparison. They didn't even have Leo really sit down with him to talk about his own experience like???

I did appreciate them bringing back all those side characters in the finale.  I’ve already mentioned I love the plethora of allies and friends they gave the turtles in this iteration, so obviously that was going to please me, though they could have gotten a little bit better showing in the final fight.

Lmao the guy I thought was gonna be rat king!!!!  He’s there lurking and watching in the distance???

Good show!  But yeah I’d agree with people who say that the heart of the show is really in the first 5 seasons.  After that the characters and stories feel a bit… flattened? The more I pushed through the last two seasons, the more I was missing the first 5, which I really, really enjoyed. Ranking on my personal tastes of the series I’ve watched so far, meeting each show where it's at, it goes Rise > 2003 > 2012.  Rise and 2003 are really close, with Rise just beating it on account of “it was my first show” and also “I REALLY like anime bullshit”, although there’s potential for that to shift or fluctuate as it marinates in my brain. That being said, 2012 is the one that makes the creative part of my brain go crunch-crunch, so take that as you will. Continuing to go backwards puts me at the 1987 series, so I suppose that’s next.  I have plans to watch the new TotTMNT with family during the holiday season, so unfortunately I’m up for an (agonizing) wait on that one.

[greycappedjester]

hey! hope you’re doing well. I’m starting to reread the HQ at Hogwarts series because I needed a change of pace from my work at uni (and it’s a comfort read of mine). anywho, I was wondering if you had a favorite quote from any of your stories that you wrote and why (or just the quote if it is to avoid spoilers)? like were there any quotes that really made a scene worth writing to you?

Oooh I love this ask, thank you!

Let's see, I don't know if these are my favorite but they're lines that come to mind a lot that I'm specifically proud of (tbh I tend to forget lines until I'm re-reading one of my stories and see it and go "oh yeah, that one")

I'll try to do one per series. I can't really pick one from Past is a Mirror or Call Me Your Home At Night yet, I'll have to wait until they're more done:

ATFO:

Oof somehow this is the hardest series to choose just one line from. That said, it's a super dark line for a dark chapter but I really love the use of homophones in this one.

Dick tilts his head up to the sky and laughs.

Laughs until it hurts and it does, it hurts so much, and that just makes him laugh more--throwing his arms out like he can fly on the ground and turning in a circle in a dirt covered Gotham alley that even the morning can’t erase.

Because Robin always smiles when it’s dark. Until it’s morning again.

Or mourning again.

….Dick’s laugh fades out.

Cards:

And, eight years old and with a bone deep gravity too heavy for his small body, Kuroo Tetsuro quietly made a vow even if Kozume Kenma would never hear it.

I’m going to build a kingdom around you.

(Not a line but Tsuki and Hinata's final conversation in Shufling the Deck is what really sold me on writing that sequel)

Walking With My Eyes Open/ In Spite of Ourselves:

Honestly for short stories this series has some of my favorite conversations; but, a couple of favorite lines are these two.

But, human shoulders weren’t meant to bear the expectations of divinity.

and

A riddle, Schrodinger’s long lost love letter. Gen had proof he fell in love--was dying to try even--yet still couldn’t quite believe it. So, which was the lie?

Hq at Hogwarts:

I really love the prologue for Department of Mysteries; I wrote it waaaay before I posted it and was excited about posting it for awhile. I think the end just eally says everything about how long and how deeply Akaashi does love Bokuto.

He was bright and happy and so deeply good in a way that was everything Akaashi wanted that he fell in love by the time he took the hand.

“I’m Keiji.”

Investigators Inc.:

Truthfully, my favorite of my humorous stories; I like this exchange a lot from when their van breaks down. It just eels like it really fits all of them.

“I’m looking up directions,” Suga said, already pulling out his phone.

“But….but, map !” Oikawa held it up even as it drooped around him.

“Great,” Kuroo said, “we can use it for shelter when we’re stuck out here and have to take up foraging.”

Bokuto brightened. “Ooh, I’ve got a pocket knife!”

“Yay, we’ll need it to fight off the wolves,” Kuroo said.

“I don’t think it’s that dire,” Suga said, showing them the screen. “There’s a town pretty close by. Can’t find a taxi or a towing service, though. We may have to walk if Iwaizumi can’t fix it. It’s about an hour.”

Kuroo shrugged. “Honestly, Iwaizumi can probably fix it. He’s like the machine whisperer or something.”

“Iwaizumi cannot fix it,” Iwaizumi said from right beside the passenger window and Oikawa jumped. “The transmission’s out.”

“Then, put it back in,” Bokuto suggested.

Iwaizumi stared. “I’m seriously having all of you read a car manual one of these days."

Thanks again for the ask! Trutfully I always love hearing what people's favorite lines are; I just think it's really neat to see what sticks with people and I'm always touched that it could be something I wrote.

[gay-s0ck-puppet]

in honor of me not having the energy/mental capacity to tune into the riptide stream i have decided to compile all my favorite gillion quotes/moments from episode #90. obviously spoilers ahead. behold:

~ “Well that wasn’t your teeth so I’ll assume that was just a playful threat. The difference is: I’m going to actually eat you.”

~ Kuba: “I do wanna make sure I’m crushing you at your peak.”

Gillion: “You know actually, it’s funny you mention that because I was gonna get this new armor commission, so right now you’re fighting a very very weak, weak, unarmored version of me. So when you lose it’s gonna feel even worse.”

~ “You [pointing at Kenta] are gonna have an opportunity to attack but you’re not gonna do it! Cuz this is the small boy we keep on the ship, and that’s not what we fuckin do around here ok?”

~ “I was worried I was gonna need to use a spell or something. But I can save it all for you.” *rips his fucking shirt off and lets it fly dramatically into the wind* [i need everyone to understand that he did the 80,000lb anchor bit shirtless this is so important. also fuck canon his hair definitely came loose from its bun and flew dramatically behind him.]

~ *puts on the dread helm* “This is the helm I put on when I no longer need to be Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep. This is the helm I put on when I’m going to cut off your fucking hands. And I’m gonna make sure that whatever nightmares you walk out of here with are gonna be far worse than mine.”

~ *cuts off Kuba Kenta’s hand* “You know, I had some pretty bad nightmares recently myself. The crazy part of them was: you weren’t in them. Because the nightmare was I’d never be able to do That.”

~ “No I’m going to eat you! Not if i eat you first!” *Kuba Kenta grapples him with a bite* “No! You weren’t kidding!”

~ [directed at the moon] “Mommy help.”

~ “You know the crazy thing about nightmares, Kuba? They keep getting worse!” [makes anchor 80,000lbs and starts falling, grabs onto Kuba] “NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE!”

~ “Huh. That is really soft- AAAGHHH”

~ Charlie: “I look at Chip then I look down at the cat then I look back up and give him a little thumbs up and then I fucking fall through the ground at 1000 miles an hour.”

Bizly: “I open up the door. I close back the door and look at Jay. (as Chip) ‘There’s a lot goin on out there.’”

~ ‘Light Mode!’ being the command word for the anchor because the command for Chip’s sword is ‘Hot mode’

~ “I just have a feeling if i get out on the dock wrong and hit my shin I’ll die. That’s kinda where I’m at right now and I do that, Chip, a lot.”

~ “When he’s up, and if he ever decides to come after us ever again, I will literally eat him as promised!”

~ “Is it just a thing then you people in the navy say to fuck with us before you die? Like just some shit like ‘I’ll be back’? Cuz that is kinda wrong.” *looks at kira* “We’ll be back.”

~ “Nice to meet you! Gillion Tidestrider. Sorry it couldn’t be on better terms. Thanks for being down there, I appreciate it. Um. Your vice admiral is a bit of a cock. Huge cock.”

~ Gillion: “I didn’t know you had gills, by the way. That’s great! That makes things a lot easier.”

Jay: “Yeah, no, they kinda hurt. When I put them in.”

Gillion: “…..When you what?”

Charlie: “And Gillion is deeply disturbed by this, enough to just leave the situation.”

~ *looking at the scratches from Kuba Kenta* “I’m sure I’ll figure it out. *looks at Chip’s bed* Hopefully he, at least, is sleeping a bit more soundly. And then I narrate as I crawl into my barrel, head first, and rotate into a fetal position.”

.

i am so very normal about him. anyway rb/tag with you favorite riptide quotes (gillion or otherwise) but please no spoilers for the latest ep.

[dany36]

full totk onion below for my own sanity. super long-ass rant ahead (11k words lmaoooo wow) and also contains spoilers.

so i beat the final boss of tears of the kingdom a while back. took me (according to my switch) “over 100 hours” to beat the game. i did about 110ish shrines, and got like 50 or so korok seeds. did quite a lot of sidequests as well. i was actually surprised how long i played it for considering how much fun i was not having playing it. but of course i wanted to uncover the whole overworld map (excluding the depths) and unlock as many shrines as possible to be able to say that hey, i explored quite a lot and gave this game a fair chance to impress me. which, unfortunately, it did not. if i had to rank all of the zelda games i’ve beaten (which i’ve done all except triforce heroes), i’d put botw in absolute last place, with totk slightly right above it.

before writing this, i re-read through this fantastic botw critical piece on destructoid by Cory Arnold ("Breaking down why Breath of the Wild is highly overrated") that literally hits on all the points on why i hate botw cus i wanted to see if maybe totk had improved on any of those criticisms. the criticisms that the author lists were similar (but much more eloquent) than the hasty list i had made when i first completed the game way back then. i was sad to re-read through it and realize that no, pretty much all of the major criticisms i had in botw were still present since totk is literally an exact copy of botw which some new stuff sprinkled on it, then they called it a brand new game. “but the depths!! the sky!! the new ultrahand mechanic!!” yeah that shit wasn’t fun for me at all (maybe the Ascend ability but more on that later). i literally couldn’t believe that this game cost 70 dollars when there were absolutely no enhancements in terms of the overworld and enemies and was seething through the first 4 hours of the game (or however long it took me to get through the tutorial portion of it). to quote that botw article i mentioned above:

If Breath of the Wild is your personal favorite game or favorite Zelda game, I’m not speaking to you. It’s the people foaming at the mouth at how it’s objectively better than other games, objectively better than other Zelda games, did open world better than other games, and want to enshrine it that I am addressing. This game is far too flawed to be getting this level of praise.

but i’m getting a bit ahead of myself. let’s start with the things i DID like and then i will write a lithany of all the things i hated about this game and why, despite having played it for 100+ hours, i had fun for maybe 10 hours of it.

the good

the ending.

one of the things i absolutely hated about botw was how short and unsatisfying the ending was. zelda wakes up and asks link if he remembers her and links says nothing, which then cuts to zelda and link talking together about…i think all they have to do to restore hyrule. i honestly forget because it sucked so bad that i had no interest in looking it up again. zelda turning human again with rauru’s and sonia’s help, and you having to catch her as she’s falling (a throwback to when you couldn’t catch her at the beginning of the game) were things that made it already looking better than botw’s stale-ass ending. zelda’s “link, i’m home!” was really sweet even if we once again get no emotion from link even though he knows the incredibly weighted decision zelda had made when she decided to turn into a dragon to restore the master sword. but whatever, more on that later.

i’m NOT saying totk’s ending is perfect, in fact i’ve seen some legit criticisms of it that i agree with, but in my opinion it wasn’t TERRIBLE like with how i felt with botw’s (and trust me i take every opportunity i get to bash on botw/totk). seeing link, zelda, and the four sages together at the end as they swear to protect hyrule and its princess was really cool and actually made it look like they were all in it together as friends/companions, in contrast to botw where we get no reference of the new champions in the ending at all. while this ending was better than totk, it’s still not like…at a level of it making my heart ache of joy/satisfcation/sadness (if you know me even the slightest i get very emotional with videogames and i will cry at literally anything lol) like in tww when hyrule floods, or SS with granny and fi leaving, or tp with midna and the mirror. which damn now that i think about it, it looks like zelda has a lot of bittersweet endings, so i will give totk +1 point in that there are no bittersweet moments at the end. i especially liked that they cleared up that no, zelda wasn’t aware or fully conscious about her hundreds of years roaming the skies as a dragon, because even the thought of her being aware of her time as a dragon was making me go insane. like, you mean that in botw she was trapped in the castle for 100 years keeping calamity ganon at bay and NOW she had to spend another 1000 years or whatever as a dragon? hell no. so thank you totk ending for making that clear that she doesn’t remember that at all and that it actually felt like she was asleep like with SS Zelda. :)

which brings me to the next thing that i liked, which is...

princess zelda overall.

i think it should come to no one’s surprise that her decision to turn into a dragon really elevated this zelda’s status to just completely fucking badass. like, damn, i say that’s my baby and i’m proud. the incredible amount of courage that zelda had to have to make that decision is just something that i don’t think we’ve seen other zeldas make. i guess there’s TP Zelda giving up her life to save Midna but, is that a worse fate than be unconsciously roaming the skies as a dragon for hundreds of years not knowing when you’ll come back? and SS Zelda knew that link would come back to wake her up from her slumber, so…. i mean, the scene of the last tears of the dragon memory was just so impactful, and it was probably the only scene in the game that really punched me in the emotional gut. the whole dragon transformation scene was just so heartbreaking to watch and when you see those tears come out of the dragon’s eyes and realize that’s where those memories come from that you’re watching….i’m telling you it made me almost catatonic. like. what the FUCK. probably one of the best cutscenes in zelda history, if I’m being honest. when the memory ends and it leaves you in that field of silent princesses i just needed a moment to breathe. i didn’t even wanna move (both in-game and irl lol). what a beautiful sequence. it’s something i don’t think any other zelda game has made me feel. sure i cried like a fucking baby when granny “dies” in SS or when Fi says goodbye (and i swear i always cry at the beginning of tww when link says goodbye to his grandma oh god), but with the dragon scene it just left me fucking speechless. A+++ work.

now, do i HATE that zelda is once fucking again stuck somewhere else in the middle of the story waiting for us to rescue her instead of being a more active, nuanced character like in ST, TWW, or OoT? absolutely yes. can nintendo fucking do something new and interesting with zelda like (dare i say!!) HW did and give her some personality instead of just being a damsel in distress yet fucking again?? but plenty of people have already ranted about that so i will just leave this to say botw/totk zelda has gone through enough shit and deserves to rest and be happy without going into other things about her character that other people have already talked about in greater detail than i ever could. :)

yunobo and riju.

yunobo was absolutely one of my favorite characters in botw, and so it’s no surprise that he’s a fave here too. his attack was super useful when exploring those boring-ass caves where i had to clear mountains and mountains of rocks without having to use my limited supply of bomb flowers or wacking away with a boulder sword. also one-shot killing those annoying-ass ice lizalfos with his attack will always be funny. the thought of a goron leader having such a child-like voice and huggable face just makes him such an interesting and fun character to me. as for riju, although i didn’t really care for her in botw, there was something about her in this game that just made her really grow on me. some of it definitely has to do with her new design which i thought was fantastic (minus the heels in the fucking desert), but also her attack is just so badass and useful. also helps that the portion where you have to defend gerudo town from the gibdos reminded me a lot of hyrule warriors, aka one of my favorite games ever (unironically!!). so yeah, yunobo and riju really were the oasis in the desert of uninteresting NPCs in this game!

dragon head island.

out of all the boring-ass sky islands in this game, dragon head island was such a welcomed surprise. from the mysterious thunder clouds surrounding it, to the eeringly relaxing music that plays, it was a breath of fresh air. all of the sky islands in this game look almost identical and yet it was really nice to get something different with music that made me go, hey, this is actually great to listen to and will have to add it to my list of zelda music!

the path to the wind temple.

the rito village was the first village i headed to and i was really hopeful for this game when i had to climb up to the wind temple alongside tulin. that portion where you have to jump from one trampoline to another was fun as hell. i was like wow, this definitely feels new and refreshing. i’m also pretty sure that the music was changing as you’d get higher? either way, this part really felt like something from a zelda game and was just overall a blast to get through.

the wind and lightning temple bosses.

again, because the wind temple was the first temple i did, was REALLY impressed with how fun the colgera boss was. sky diving and using tulin’s ability to dodge the boss’s attacks was just so intense and exciting! ALSO the music that played during it was a remix of the dragon roost island theme from tww, which was so fitting and badass. and speaking of badass, the lightning temple boss was, although super disgusting, so cool as well!! i already talked about how fun riju’s attack is, so the part where all the gibdo hives come alive and start surrounding you was just soooo intense. like damn, i can’t remember any of the botw bosses being so damn fun. if i could re-do those two portions of the game, i definitely would.

the final ganondorf fights.

and speaking of boss battles, these fights also had me all tensed-up and at the edge of my seat. well, except the dragon ganon part (he turned into a dragon and all he could do was spit fire balls at me?? he literally had link on his mouth ready to crunch him down!! oh my bad these are the positives ahem). for the second ganondorf fight i got seriously stumped because he just kept dodging my flurry attacks or whatever, and then he kept hitting me with the attack that would remove one of my heart containers (which was really cool and new to see a zelda boss do THAT!!!). like, it actually made me think i was gonna get my ass kicked and would have to restart the battle. idk if this is the strategy since i haven’t looked it up online but eventually i figured out that, after he dodges your attack, he attacks you and you have to dodge THAT in order for your flurry attack or actually work. anyway, i really liked the ganondorf fights even if i sucked at fighting him and went through all of my 6 shields but hey, at least i beat him first try lol.

the sages joining you in the phantom ganon fight and when the temple bosses show up in the depths.

again just a really cool detail that in totk we actually see the sages actually fight alongside you and aid you in your quest to defeat ganondorf instead of hey you’ve awoken me as a sage i’m just gonna stay here and do nothing as you go and fight the demon king. plus it’s a cool moment when you see all those terrifying AF bosses show up in the depths and the sages are all like nah don’t worry about us, we got this! like…hell yeah? love you guys stay awesome and thank you for taking care of those bosses cus i did nOT want to fight them again since this game loves to make you fight the same enemies hundreds of times :)

the gloom hands.

wow, what a terrifying and cool enemy…the first time. but just like everything else in the game (which i will talk about later), they beat this concept to death until you just go ‘oh the gloom hands again, whatever’ and keep moving. the first time i encountered the gloom hands i was like what in the FUCK is this and what is this TERRIFYING MUSIC that plays!!! very dead-hand-from-oot of them. i thought that the floormasters from tww were terrifying with those disturbing sounds they would make but they got nothing on the gloom hands. and then when you think you finally defeat them all and you’re free from their creepy clutches, phantom ganon shows up and one-hit kills you. amazing!!

the ascend ability.

i wouldn’t say i LOVED the ascend ability (tbh i wasn’t fond of this whole crap with rauru’s arm abilities like idk it just doesn’t feel very zelda-ish but more on that later) but of the four abilities we get, i’d say ascend was the one i liked the most. took me forever to figure out some ascend puzzles at the beginning because i wasn’t used to the fact that uh yeah you can literally go through ceilings if you want so i for the most part would enjoy whenever the ascend ability would be involved. so i mean idk what else to say except that it was neat and wouldn’t make me groan to use it unlike ultrahand.

voice acting (japanese).

i’m sorry but hearing the last trailer where we hear zelda’s and (what i’m assuming was) ganondorf’s voice just made me roll my eyes and groan out loud at just how terrible and cartoony they sound. as soon as the game started and we hear zelda talk in that fake-sounding british voice, i just had to go in and switch the audio to japanese so that they could sound like REAL people instead of idk forced acting. and my god i’m glad i did. wish i had done that for botw because wow, the voice acting in japanese was just top-notch and actually made me like the characters and not like cringe at how the VAs sounded. so A++ to the japanese VAs but i mean who are we kidding they always excel at that and it didn’t sound like over-the-top or anything. it sounded just right :)

well that was nice. very lovely. and now for the things that i absolutely hated about the game. from this point on i’m going to quote a lot of things from the destructoid article and try to expand on them to fit totk. here we go!

the bad and ugly

the overworld.

oh boy. this is the big one. this is the one that, for the first 4ish hours of the game (or however long it took me to reach lookout landing), was just making me rage on the inside, and for the rest of the game, just continuously shake my head and sigh with disappointment (and still rage from time to time) at just how fucking boring the overworld in totk is. this is one of the biggest complaints i had in botw and, given that nintendo just fucking reused the same world for totk with literally almost no interesting or noteworthy changes, it continues to be the thing that makes me angry the most about this game. like, i’m sorry, but developers need to stop fucking making huge overworlds if they are just going to make them boring as hell to traverse and not be able to make them interesting to explore at all:

The game is all about running around aimlessly with nothing unique to discover, no area-specific secret bosses, and overall very little progression. The only secrets or things to discover are shrines or Koroks, leaving the world with a profound lack of mystery. I don’t understand why people complain about sailing in Wind Waker but suddenly love running around grassy plains and climbing rocks that take five times as long as sailing between islands did. Yes a game this size and length would be amazing if and only if it was rich with content all the way through, but it’s not. Clocktown (from Majora’s Mask) alone has more depth than the entirety of Breath of the Wild.

There’s the mention of shrines or koroks, but totk introduces the new exciting concept of…caves and wells!!! and while at first it might seem cool and exciting to explore, you then realize that at the end of the day, just like everything in this game, each cave is exactly the fucking same and only serves to hide those blue glowing overgrown frogs so once you find one, it’s like wellp, there’s nothing else of importance that you’re going to find in this cave EXCEPT maybe your umpteenth shrine or a treasure chest containing an outfit (i think that’s how i found all of the fierce deity clothes—within caves). and it’s like “well see dany! you found something ELSE within caves other than those frogs!!” yeah no i explored maybe like 50 or so caves and the shrine/outfits were found in like 4 caves i explored or something like that so no i wouldn’t call that exciting or wortwhile considering i never used the fierce deity outfit and i could have found my umpteenth shrine somewhere else. and the wells? yeah turns out there’s like 40+ wells whose only purpose is to report to some lady of how many you’ve found so that i think she can give you rupees? and honestly who cares. i have no idea what the reward is once you find all of them but what could be worth visiting the same boring-ass caves with the same boring-ass design just so that you can say “yep i’ve visited every well in this game!” and mark off yet another boring sidequest in totk.

at least with TP or MM whenever i found a cave i knew i was going to get a unique and interesting experience (that one cave in TP where you have to drop down to the lowest levels with the iron boots is one of my faves). but unfortunately here, any cool puzzles that would otherwise be found randomly in caves are now stuck strictly to the freaking shrines, which takes away any sort of mystery you might get from finding a cave because now you KNOW it’s just gonna be yet another same-y cave with the same damn enemies and really nothing else going for it except a bubbulfrog and MAYBE the start of a new shrine quest. and likewise, when you see a shrine, you KNOW you’re going in for your umpteenth ultrahand/rewind/ascend puzzle to get yet another shrine orb. like…totk’s approach to caves and puzzles and shrines take away any surprise that you might have had exploring its vast yet uninteresting overworld (how many times am i gonna say this in this rant lol).

and like god i distinctively remember this one part in the death mountain area where i was trying to reach goron city and i saw a shrine not too far—as in, i didn’t have to use the purah pad to be able to see it. so there i go, walking/running towards the shrine because what else is there to do in-between the rito and goron villages except hunt for shrines along the way. and it was so fucking frustrating because i swear i was just walking straight towards the shrine with nothing else in between. no cool music like in other open world games that immerse you with its beautiful music (see minecraft, horizon, sonic frontiers, xenoblade x), aboslutely no enemies, no interesting or beautiful terrain, just me walking like an idiot bored out of my mind listening to link’s clunky armor just to get to the shrine, complete it, and have to run all the way back to where i was since the shrine was the OPPOSITE direction of goron village.

and like, this empty and uninspiring overworld is what nintendo took 6 years to develop? “oh look there’s naming references to past zelda games teehee!! ruto lake! forest of time! something referencing the lokomos!!” but it’s like. you pass those landmarks without even realizing it because there is, most of the time, nothing worthwhile to do there despite the cool throwback name. at least with MM, which reused a lot of the same assets as OoT, the world was different and unique and interesting with lots of more background to similar-looking characters we saw in OoT (the cucco lady vs anju, for example). i felt like such a fool the first night playing totk because i seriously thought that this might be the MM of Botw—i hated (still do) botw but thought hey, now that they have the engine and the assets down, maybe they can now focusing on making the world and its characters and story more interesting and fleshed out! instead we just get the same korok seed BS, the same shrine BS that, although mildly amusing at first, gets boring and uninteresting fast as you explore your 73rd shrine and see the 46th korok hiding place.

and you might think “well dany of COURSE things are going to get repetitive! it’s an open world game and they can’t fill it with new and exciting content all throughout!!” ok then don’t make your overworld so fucking huge?? like WHY are these developers so hellbent on gloating about having “one of the biggest open-worlds” ever if you’re just going to be copy-pasting the same shit over and over with nothing interesting in between? you really think that what makes an overworld interesting is to see the same caves, the same damn bokoblin enemy camps, the same “uwu i need to reach my friend!” korok quests, the same “waaah i need to keep this postsign of the construction boss up in place and i can’t leave until i do!” BS, the same taluses/hinoxes, the same BOSSES all over the map?? yeah it was cool seeing the first gleeock out in the wild, i was like wow!! that’s amazing, i wonder if there will be different bosses roaming around like that? and then i saw that, nope! wrong again, dany! yet another cool idea beaten to death by just copy pasting the same enemy (with different elemental powers of course so as to not make it TOO obvious!) all over the goddamn map.

SPEAKING of copy-pasting the same things instead of having a boss or enemy or cave be truly unique, another thing that drove me insane was the mazes that you find in the overworld. i think i only did the one in the upper right, but there’s at least one other in the upper left of the corner. i thought it was a cool idea so i traversed through the (truth be told) rather boring maze just activating switches, which wasn’t really that interesting or challenging, it was just mildly frustrating and confusing navigating through it. and i fought i think a construct III at the end? whatever, you see those all over the sky as well. and what i got as a reward for navigating through the two mazes (the one in hyrule, and the one in the sky) was…one part of oot ganondorf’s outfits. like, ok, great, whatever, but before heading off to the final boss towards the end of the game i was like “well let me go do that other maze and see what that’s all about” but then i stopped myself and said, you know what, it’s probably gonna be the same BS, going through yet another non-engaging maze doing an uninteresting and confusing puzzle just to get either a weapon that calls back to an older game or another piece of oot ganondorf’s outfit. and i was like HMMMM yeah that doesn’t sound appealing or fun at all. SKIP!!!

Breath of the Wild wants you to grind and do repetitive shit all day. Fighting the same things over and over in a massive world isn’t fun, it really isn’t.

like i’m sorry if i’m just predictable and want something more entertaining to keep me interested in the world as i explore along instead of the same repetitive nonsense and then praise nintendo for giving us such a huge overworld for it. people might have complained about tww’s vast ocean but at least it gave us one of the most beautiful overworld themes to date and it made sense STORY-wise (as in, there’s sea everywhere and little islands in between because of the flooding of hyrule). here, and sorry to beat this point to the death but i just cannot emphasize enough how terrible of an experience it was for me to explore the overworld, because it’s just huge, boring, and repetitive for no reason.

and the worst part is, i couldn’t even ride my horse if i wanted to (which would have made exploring this forsaken world less annoying) because for some unknown reason, nintendo has decided that in these past two games, you can’t call for your horse from wherever you are. sure, you can BOARD your horse from the kakariko stable even if you left it far off in the rito village, that’s no problem! but calling your horse from wherever you want? no no that’s too unrealistic!

so no, i don’t care that you can climb every mountain in this game (to find what, another korok seed? lol). that’s not what makes exploration fun for me in a videogame. if i climb a mountain and then find a UNIQUE boss or a UNIQUE cave or a UNIQUE sidequest? now that’s cool. here? just copy-pasting away!

Climbing and watching the stamina bar is not fun, and it’s downright annoying when it begins to rain. Call it a mechanic or whatever you want but it’s not fun. It feels like they added a ton of mountain ranges just to pad the game length and justify a stamina meter when flatter land would have been just as acceptable.

i’d rather sail tww’s ocean or ride around ST’s tracks any day of the week. fucking NEXT!

the shrines.

like i mentioned at the beginning, i did my fair share of looking for and completing shrines because i wanted to get a fair sense of just all that this “new” game had to offer. sure, the first 10 or so are fun and interesting because you are learning to use the new arm powers. oh you want me to combine these two things with ultrahand to complete the shrine? cool! let me do that! oh ok, now you want me to rewind time on this object? omg neat! oh wow, now i have to be aware of my surroundings and use ascend here! cool! and then you do that again, and again, and again, and again, and again again again again until you’re on your 100th shrine and it’s like oh god PLEASE give me something new:

Shrine puzzles are all about the same level of difficulty, as are all the Divine Beasts and their bosses. Again, since they want to let you go anywhere, there is no progression of difficulty in either the bosses or puzzles. You do not learn new things and compound them as the game goes on […] You just do the same things with the same runes over and over. […] All have the exact same aesthetic, same music, and same lack of connection to game’s world. But rather than 120, there are actually only 80. There are 20 “Blessing” shrines which nine out of ten times give you some generic weapon you probably already have, accessed by completing puzzles of sorts outside the shrine to unlock them. Those “puzzles” are often just putting balls in holes, shooting an arrow at something, or fetch quests, though.

putting aside the number of shrines mentioned above (since they vary in totk), it’s like, that’s literally it. unlike previous zelda games, where maybe you’d enter a cave and wouldn’t have the necessary item to complete its puzzle, here, there’s no sense of progression because the game already gives you everything you need to explore ITS ENTIRE OVERWORLD AND ALL ITS SHRINES right from the beginning. and some people might like that, but it’s definitely not for me. because like, after you get all your arm powers, everything just stays exactly the fucking same through the rest of the damn game:

There is never a moment of “I need to comeback here later” which sounds convenient but it takes away from the sense of progression and getting stronger that this game and its fans claim it has. There is no excitement of getting a new mask, new song, boomerang, bottle, or equipment item that lets me do more. No matter where you go, you know you will be sufficiently equipped, and that takes the thrill out of it.

and i feel like that’s exactly one of the issues that i have with the concept of shrines in this game. it’s just the same types of puzzles with the same 4 powers tens of times until you complete them all and you can maybe recall 2 or 3 that you really liked and were like “huh ok that was cool” and move on. truly revolutionary for a game. and i just HATE that all pieces of heart/stamina currency is restricted to ONLY shrines because, once again, that leaves no variety or surprises in the game! you know completing a sidequest won’t yield a piece of heart or a stamina vessel ‘cus that’s all shrines, same for minigames or caves, which was half the fun of doing those things in previous games!! but no, once you find a type of SOMETHING in this game (a cave, a well, a shrine), you bet your ass that THAT same design is all you’ll ever see for the rest of the game.

shrines in this game did introduce a new type which is when they strip you of all of your equipment and only give you basic weapons that you have to use to get through the bunch of constructs that you have to fight inside. and yes, that was cool for the first couple of times, but i swear after my third one i was once again with the feeling of “oh god not THIS again??”. god i just feel like i’m just repeating the same issues i had with this game over and over again: repetition repetition repetition. this game just loves damn repeating itself!!! anyway, moving on…

99% of the side quests and NPCs.

this was a problem i had with botw and i don’t know why i’m surprised that totk did absolutely nothing to fix the issue of uninteresting, unengaging sidequests. remember in SS with the whole Peatrice-falling-in-love-with-you thing? or those sidequests in TWW with the rich and poor girl who at the end switch lifestyles because of circumstances in their lives, and you can help the now-poor Mila come to terms with her new life? or hell, ANY of the MM sidequests and how they actually made you empathize with its characters and actually care a little bit for what would happen to them? here in totk (and in botw) i just don’t feel that connection or need to help NPCs with their mundane problems like i would in previous zelda games:

Breath of Wild has its NPCs, but they are bland and as memorable as my ex-girlfriends’ birthdays. They don’t have unique characteristics, designs, or problems. Looking like they were born out of some generator rather than a human, they send you on shallow fetch quests. Collect 55 rushrooms. Tame that horse. The rewards are almost always just rupees, ingredients, or more generic breakable weapons.

i said 99% of the side quests and NPCs because i think the only one i actually cared for (but was actually tedious towards the end…) was rebuilding that lurelin village because the thought of having your home destroyed by “pirates” (aka bokoblins because god forbid this game have to create more unique enemies) was a bit too much for my heart to take. but i mean, other than that? who cares. oh that guy in hateno village has a creepy crush on that girl sweeping the front of the store? whatever. that whole elections thing in hateno village? yawn. some rito girl wants to cook some new recipe? i don’t know her. there’s really nothing much else i can say about NPCs or sidequests in this game because i can’t think of anyone else other than that guy who helped rebuild the village that actually made me feel SOMETHING else other than boredom. and like mentioned above, most of the time doing the sidequests isn’t really worth it because there’s no cool rewards like bottles, quiver expansions, pieces of heart, or an upgrade to an item because well, that would be taking away from the shrines-and-some-depths-treasure-chests-can-only-give-you-worthwhile-rewards thing from this game, huh?

overall, the villages in this game just feel empty and void of any interesting and captivating NPCs/sidequests that make me want to learn more about their lives. despite hateno village being the biggest village (i think) we’ve seen in a zelda game yet, i just…don’t really care for it or its people. same with kakariko village and zora’s domain, the latter of which just feels so big but just so fucking hollow and honestly boring to explore. tww’s windfall island just had tons of life and compelling characters of which i may not remember their names, but sure as hell remember their small but memorable sidequests. playing cupid between that guy that would walk around windfall and the girl with the orange dress is infinitely much more interesting than any of the so-called sidequests i did in hateno village.

the lack of enemy variety.

it’s kind of insane to me how, given that nintendo had about 5+ years to develop this game, they had a pretty good chance to develop new and interesting enemies. this was a problem i had with botw: fighting the same damn enemies just got old very damn fast. let’s see how many enemies (NOT including varieties, i don’t care that a fire keese is different than an ice keese, and also not mini bosses like hinoxes) botw had according to the zelda wiki: bokoblins, chuchus, keese, lizalfos, lynels, moblins, wizzrobes, yigas, pebblits, guardian scouts, guardians, guardian skywatcher, and…guardian turret i guess. that’s 13 enemies for a game that boasts to have such a huge and unique overworld. THRITEEN types of enemies. just thirteen. compared to Xenoblade 1, which has 30+ types of enemies (i stopped counting really), and horizon zero dawn, which has 24 types of unique machines.

now let’s see how many enemies totk has! there’s bokoblins, boss bokoblins, chuchus, constructs, evermeans, horriblins, keese, like likes, lizalfos, lynels, moblins, wizzrobes, aerocuda, pebblits, gibdos, gloom spawns, little frox, moth gibdo, and…yigas. 19 enemies, 6 more than its predecessor. just, wow, even now just looking at the numbers, the variety in this game is ABYSMAL considering that most of the time in the overworld you run in bokoblins, moblins, and lizalfos like 80% of the time. in caves, most of the time it’s just horroblins but really, the strategy to fight them all is exactly the same except for lynels, like likes, and gibdos, which you have to be more careful with. but really, it’s like…that’s all you could come up with for this huge overworld? i don’t know about other folks but for me, i eventually stopped fighting enemies because it just wasn’t worth it with how this game handles weapons and their durability:

But you quickly stop raiding camps and just avoid enemies in general, just as you slowly lose interest in exploring every ruin, because there is no suitable reward. You expend your breakable weapons, arrows, and food fighting easy enemies to get more breakable weapons; likely weaker than the ones you broke to get to it.

i already had more-than-enough strong enemy spoils to fuse with my weapons, i don’t need to fight my umpteenth silver bokoblin just to get another one of its stupid-looking horns to attach to my weapon and somehow make it stronger (and stupider). and also like, fighting them just got so boring after a while. sure, it’s a bit scary and intimidating fighting moblins when you only have 5 hearts and weak weapons, but eventually you get a two-handed weapon and all you have to do is just constantly whack away at your moblin/horriblin/bokoblin/lizalfos so that you constantly knock them down and don’t allow them to get back up cus it’s not like they have much variety in their attacks either. such thrilling combat if you ask me!! and the way that this game handles difficulty is just so stupid: making enemies “damage sponges” so that instead of 5 hits, now it takes 15 hits to kill a moblin in the same repetitive way—whack them away so that they can’t get up. how is this fun and interesting?

i fought a black lynel once in the wild and that was cool, but then i just never fought another one again because in my opinion the rewards for killing a lynel just aren’t really worth it. you break a couple of your weapons just to get some of its spoils and it’s like, eh, i’ll pass. a silver bokoblin’s horn might not be as strong but it’s not like it makes a HUGE difference in this game whether i have a silver bokoblin horn or a lynel horn. who cares!

the game of course then wanted me to fight a silver lynel on the way to kill ganondorf and i was like hell no, i don’t want to dodge the same moves over and over again and do the same flurry attacks over and over and over just like i did with the black lynel, except now i get to do it MORE times because of damage sponges! how is that exciting or interesting? at least give stronger enemies more variety in their attacks instead of making my hand hurt from just doing the same repetitive (there’s that word again) moves until it dies.

Speaking of Hinoxes and Stone Taluses, during my first encounter I was delighted to have a random mini-boss-like fight out in the open, thinking it was the only one. Then I quickly realized they’re copy and pasted all over the map. I was expecting to see unique mini-bosses or fights in certain locations, but that wouldn’t be possible when they have the loot system requiring you grind enemies over and over to upgrade numerical stats on armor. 

already touched on the point made above a little bit but just had to mention it here as well because as i said, this game takes away any sort of unique aspect to it by beating it to death via copy pasting enemies, mini bosses, and bosses all over its map. you can’t imagine the disappointment i felt when i learned that colgera, aka a boss i really loved fighting at the wind temple, was found again in the depths. and again. i at least fought it three times throughout the game, not sure if it appears more times but when i saw it the second time i was like holy shit, this again?? really? any memory of having such a thrill of fighting it for the first time was quickly erased realizing nintendo just can’t keep something unique in this game. same thing with phantom ganon—encountering it for the first time was cool and intimidating. by the time i rescued the deku tree i was just sick to death of it, so realizing i had to fight it YET AGAIN!!!! at hyrule castle with the whole fake zelda business was just almost unbearable. (man, typing this whole rant out is making me realize just how many repetitive and monotonous aspects there are to this game!!!! and i hate that i keep using that word but what else is there to describe the constant sludge of same same same same this game kept throwing at my face??)

combat gets repetitive very fast.

look, i mentioned it before but i don’t play zelda to custom make doohickeys that can kill enemies. i’m old fashioned and honestly not creative enough (minecraft building wasn’t for me, i just liked to explore), so i like my hand-to-hand combat, with an arrow or two in between. i’ve already mentioned this in the previous section but the combat in this game just gets so repetitive despite the many weapons this game tries to throw at your face. i mean really when you think about it you have three kinds of weapons: your typical sword, the two-handed sword, and the spear. and i guess the bow? (oh and the wands but i’m more referring to the classic combat weapons) but like, for hand-to-hand combat, your overall strategy doesn’t change regardless of the type of weapon you have, which is just wack away as many times as you can, and do some flurry attacks for the stronger enemies like lynels and uh. hmmm. yeah. why not introduce different attack mechanics depending on the type of weapon you are building, like the horizon series does with the many weapon types it introduces in the games?

i’m not saying previous zelda games’ combat was the most exciting or varied, but at least with tww, the special parry attack attack would VARY by either doing a helm splitter or a back slice. but here in botw/totk it’s like…your special sword attacks consist of your classic spin attack and the flurry attack, which just stays (yet again) constant throughout the game. no upgrades like with the hurricane spin or the great spin. with tp and even tmc you had your hidden skills you could learn to vary your sword attacks and even tp gives you a special finishing attack (the ending blow, and actually SS had this too now that i remember!), but these past two zelda games just have failed to give much flavor in the sword techniques you can use. which is kind of stupid when you think about it cus this link is supposed to have been trained in sword combat while tww link is some kid from an island and tp link is just some guy raised in a ranch. i don’t know if this is the game trying to make itself seem more difficult by having removed these types of different sword skills because like, why can’t i side step and do a back slice like in tp? or ANYTHING ELSE other than a damn flurry attack which, if you’re not good at dodging, then good luck with that shit. flurry attacking over and over again just gets old very fast and makes those sponge enemies even more of a chore to fight when i can’t add any flavor to my sword attacks. just yet another thing in the game that i feel severely pales in comparison to past zelda games.

the weapon durability.

speaking of combat variety…i have no idea why i thought weapon durability would go away in totk. do people really like having breakable weapons? it was something i absolutely hated in botw and well, it’s back and HOPEFULLY not here to stay as a staple of new zelda games!

I’m beating a dead horse here, but breakable weapons is not a fun concept at all. It’s tedious and makes finding and collecting new weapons completely moot because “well I’ll be able to use this for a few seconds til it breaks.”  If you want more weapons while keeping the thrill of finding them alive but not having a stronger one that makes others obsolete, then make a bunch of non-breakable weapons that are used differently and better in certain situations than others.

to piggyback on that last point, that sort of matches with what i was saying earlier about having different attack mechanics depending on the weapon that you’re using. i don’t know why the hell we need to have breakable weapons be a thing in this game. is it just to fill the overworld with more treasure chests of weapons you can find like the biggoron’s sword so you can be like “oh, thanks for this, it will break in a couple of hits and then i’ll lose it forever”? having the master sword “lose” its power after certain hits is so damn stupid too. sure zelda roamed the skies as a dragon for hundreds of years to power up the master sword but it still becomes unusable after wacking it against a moblin for a bit too long. this game just REALLY wants you to spend all your time running around and fighting the same enemies over and over again so you can get new weapons/stupid shit to fuse to them to make this game longer than it really is.

the music overall.

anyone who knows me even just a little bit knows how much i love video game music. i’ll even listen to music from games i haven’t even played, and i even cry of just pure joy at listening to some of the video game music out there. but oh god. just thinking about traversing the overworld in this game with just hearing link’s footsteps and the clunky armor is enough to make me go insane. why can’t we have good overworld music in zelda games anymore? as mentioned above, at least when i had to sail around tww’s ocean or ride around st’s tracks, it gave me some damn good music to listen to that, frankly, never got old (st’s overworld theme is still one of my ultimate faves in the series). and it’s not just hyrule, but the sky and the depths have this same problem as well: absolutely nothing but silence or (in the depth’s case) random creepy music from time to time. as if the overworld itself isn’t boring enough, they just had to make its “music” dull and lackluster and honestly non-memorable. when i think of exploring hyrule in TP i think of that badass orchestra-like music playing while i’m riding around with epona. when i think of exploring hyrule/the sky/the depths in totk i think of absolutely nothing but emptiness and boredom, music-wise. SIGH!

but if the overworld wasn’t bad enough, i feel like the locations themselves didn’t…really offer much in terms music that i’d personally want to save in my music collection. there were some exceptions, of course: hateno village (but really it’s just the same music as in botw), dragon head island (really chill music, love it), and…i think the lookout landing had some decent music, but honestly i don’t remember it well enough lmao. boss-wise, sure, the wind temple boss fight music was REALLY cool (dragon roost island sample in there? sign me the fuck up), and the build up as to when you’re going down to face ganondorf was also cool, but…again, for a game THIS damn huge, i’d expect more memorable music, like with the horizon series, minecraft, or xenoblade 1/X. idk, i just am not impressed with the music available in this game given how many iconic songs the zelda games have been in the past. like kakariko village’s theme song in this game is, imo, a disgrace. idk why they couldn’t have adjusted the classic kakariko village theme song to fit the new “aesthetic” they were going for with the sheikah. they did it in tww (where it’s a lively town) and they did it in tp (now in like a old wild west town kind of thing), why couldn’t they do it in botw/totk? ugh, just….so lame and bland.

the depths.

the problem i have with the depths is pretty much the same problems i had with the hyrule overworld except make it ten times worse and also now it’s completely dark. “but omg isn’t it cool how the depths mirror the surface overworld??” yeah i don’t really care, alttp already did that and it didn’t bore me to tears exploring the dark world. seriously, i fucking dreaded going to the depths because if the lack of new and interesting things to do on the surface is bad, then in the depths it’s just so much worse. at least in the surface you can use your horse in some areas to make it go a bit faster, but here? all on foot, baby. imagine exploring the surface all on foot, with barely ANY interesting landmarks, with the same 5 or so enemies, all the damn time, and it’s dark…can’t think of anything worse, game-design wise lmao. seriously, the depths were just idk another attempt to make this game’s overworld seem a lot bigger than it is but god it was just so damn fucking boring to me. i don’t care about the abandoned mines, or the springs, or…well, what else was there? just yet another treasure chest with yet another PART of an outfit? no thanks!!

i specifically remember that getting one part of the TP outfit was such a pain in the ass to get because it’s in that spiral part on the eastern side of the map except well it’s in the depths. it was literally just me running for like 5 minutes straight around this spiral while running past a bunch of bokoblins and other enemies because lmao i don’t want to fight the same damn enemy over and over again as i’m trying to get to the end of this spiral which is actually just part of some abandoned mines with no lore or anything else interesting in it that would make it memorable. and of course what’s at the end of it all? a throwback outfit so that you can think it was worth it to run like an idiot for 5 minutes straight. finding a quiver upgrade or an empty bottle would have felt more rewarding than just yet another outfit that i won’t be bothering to upgrade because upgrades in this game are so damn tedious.

99% of the islands.

i feel like a broken record here so i’ll keep this section short since my issues with the islands are similar to the issues i have with the shrines and the overworld and the caves except now they’re in the sky. other than dragon-head island and the one where you have to like move mirrors so that light shines in certain directions, the sky islands were stale and just a big whatever. i don’t know what else to say that i haven’t already beaten to death here except that the islands in tww are more interesting and rewarding to explore than the sky islands in totk. just would absolutely bore me to tears fighting my nth construct or doing the nth take-this-crystal-to-reveal-a-shrine quest next!

the temples.

again, my problems with the temples are very similar to that of shrines, ‘cus i mean they actually just feel like glorified shrines, but at least in totk they did a better job at having each temple have a different design and feel to it instead of botw where just every beast felt the fucking same (i honestly wouldn’t be able to tell the beast dungeons apart from one another). regardless, i don’t know about you guys but man do i sure as hell miss traditional zelda temples. to quote a person i follow who recently talked about their grievences with botw (waywardsalt):

Older zelda games’ dungeons being tied to their respective items is a big part- to me- of what makes those dungeons so good. […] The dungeons in past Zelda games are practically complex tutorials on how you can use your new items. […] And then you must then use that item to defeat that dungeon’s boss, and you usually have no chance of beating that boss if you don’t make use of the dungeon’s associated item. It’s like a final test for the item, seeing if you know how it works enough to complete the dungeon and use it against a boss’s weaknesses.

much like the beasts in botw, you get to a temple here and they immediately mark the spots of where you have to go. some are more straightforward and simplistic (the water temple) than others (the fire temple—which i think is the best of the four), but they all amount to the same thing: all of the puzzles are just a variation of yet another ultrahand object fusion, or if we get a little bit crazy, you have to use ascend throughout the temple. instead of giving you a mirror shield, the lightning temple just makes you use the ultrahand to move around mirrors to solve puzzles. which was cool at first (who doesn’t love mirror puzzles?), but the temple felt way too damn short compared to other mirror-heavy temples (spirit temple from oot and earth temple from tww), and moving around a mirror that’s laying in the room in plain sight just doesn’t have quite the same zelda feel of “i’ve fought my way through this temple, beat the miniboss, and NOW i finally have a mirror shield i can use to solve the puzzles i had been seeing previously!” ‘cus idk i do miss having that bit sense of progression that dungeon items would add: i DO miss stumbling upon a locked door in a temple and searching everywhere for a key to unlock it, or wondering “wow, i have to get up there, but i think i’m missing the temple item in order to advance, i guess i’ll have to come back here after defeating the miniboss.” instead here it’s just like, ok, i’m in the flashing dot room, what fan/cart/rocket/wing combination do they want me to build yet again??

i always felt like temples were supposed to be a big part of zelda games but, again, other than the fire temple, i felt like the temples here were rather fast to beat, with the water temple just being the worst offender. i mean they can’t all be winners, but considering this game ONLY has FOUR temples, you’d think they’d idk be a bit longer or more difficult to complete like in majora’s mask? there is barely any complexity in navigating temples like with MM’s snowhead temple or tww’s wind temple—the fire temple was the only one that did anything interesting with its navigation and the others were just so fucking flat, much like the beasts in botw. did the zelda team lose its main dungeon designer or something? even majora’s mask’s pirate fortress—a MINI dungeon—was more fun and interesting to navigate than THE fucking water temple in totk. what a joke!!!

the way the story gets told.

i won’t talk about my grievances with the story details themselves, there’s plenty of people who have rightly criticized how simplistic it is and how it doesn’t really make you empathize with ANY of its characters (except, in my opinion, princess zelda): not sorry but i actually laughed when ganondorf killed sonia lol, especially with them being like HA! your fake zelda ways can’t trick us!!! and then WHAM out comes ganondorf and fucking obliterates sonia like lol ok bye girl!!! i hardly knew you and the game gave me no incentive to care about you like i would with medli in tww or grandma impa in ss so your death means nothing to me! oh whoops i need to stop talking about the “story” and its “characters” before i get carried away!

anyway! i absolutely despised how botw told its bare-bones “story” through memories you had to find in the overworld, so can you imagine my utter disappointment when totk has decided to ONCE AGAIN tell its story the same damn way?? i get that they’re going for an open world aspect but my god, some fucking linearity won’t fucking kill you nintendo. plenty of open world games are STILL very much open world while forcing some linearity when trying to tell its story—horizon forbidden west and xenoblade x come to mind. these games still let you explore much of its world as freely as you want while making you progress through its story and make you care about its characters and their purpose along the way. but here with totk i feel no connection to the world or its people—kakariko village used to be such an important place in zelda games and i honestly couldn’t tell you the name of ONE interesting or appealing character from that village like renado in TP or Mila from TWW (what’s the name of that girl that took over from impa? even fucking impa is just another afterthought in this damn game). shit, i’m getting sidetracked again, but god there is just so many things to talk about how poor of a job totk does in making you FEEL something in its damn empty overworld but i got other shit to do and this is already way too damn long (if you’ve made it this far i could kiss you!!!!)

anyway anyway! my main problem with the way that the “story” gets told is that you can collect the memory that explains the bit about fake zelda way early in the game and you’re still running around visiting towns with the new sages being like “omg princess zelda was here and she tried to kill us!! :(“ like, link what the fuck you clearly just saw a memory that zelda is in the past (or has become a dragon if you went and hunted down all the memories right away) and there was a fake zelda back then, SPEAK UP and TELL these people something!!! same thing with those sidequests with penn or whatever, you’re over here hunting down clues about the missing princess, but you already know where she is!! she’s in the past!! the zelda that people have been seeing is more than likely fake!!! she’s a dragon!! but no, because nintendo for some reason couldn’t figure out how to tell an engaging and interesting story while also having an open world (they had 6 years!!!), you have to sit like an idiot as these people talk to you about fake zelda apparitions while you’re just like “gee i wonder what THAT could be!!”

because i found dragonhead island + the fifth sage way before my fight with phantom ganon, one of my friends told me that once you beat him, you can go back to kakariko village and tell people that the zelda that prohibited access to the ring ruins is fake so that they’ll let you explore them and eventually lead you to dragonhead island. but see, i never had to do that so instead i was just frustrated at the game design that i can’t SPEAK UP about fake zelda because the game decided that this is the one time they want some linearity and you won’t be able to say anything about the fake zelda until you defeat her. instead of like, hey, let’s warn the citizens of hyrule that there’s a fake zelda running around and to not trust her?? hello?? just another missed opportunity of having this game somewhat connect you to its characters and surroundings.

likewise with the master sword. i got the master sword before i saw the final tear + learned of the sacrifice zelda had to make, so i was kinda mad cus i feel like the emotional impact of getting the master sword from the white dragon would have been MUCH MORE greater if the game would have FORCED me to see the final tear before trying to retrieve the master sword. so it’s just like, ugh. if i have to play another zelda game that does such a shitty job at telling its story and making compelling characters that evoke empathy and compassion, i will seriously not know what to do with myself. like a mutual (shoutout be-gay-do-crimes) recently mentioned: loneliness isn’t Zelda!!

and i know people have complained about this but like, sitting through the same damn cutscene after you beat the temple bosses was YET AGAIN nintendo showing that they don’t know how to keep things interesting and just repeat the same BS over and over again. why not have each old sage, which of course are just another afterthought in this game’s sea of uninteresting NPCs, add on something new from its POV so we literally don’t have to sit through the exact same story being told and have absolutely no unique perspective from the old sage? is it really too much to ask for a bit of variety for a game that reused a lot of assets from its previous game and had so many years in development? where are the good story writers from past zelda games??

link’s lack of emotions.

i have a full post where i talk about botw link’s lack of emotions and why it was such a disappointment going from tww/tp/ss to….that, so i won’t get too much into this here ‘cus i already wrote another thesis-long post about that that you can find. people defend totk link saying “but his micro expressions! omg!!! you’re OBVIOUSLY not paying attention!!” like ok lmao keep being happy you’re fed crumbs. botw/totk link’s emotions are a fucking joke when you compare to previous zelda games, even oot link showed relief and a smile at zelda when they thought they had killed ganondorf. totk link? exists in a vacuum. to quote waywardsalt again:

the blank stare and limited emoting worked in botw because… there’s a given reason for his lack of outward emotion in the past, plus he has no memory in the present. it makes sense. but this time around, he’s gotten memories in the years between this and the last game, but he just feels like a background character in most of the story beats.

like i’m sorry if i expect link to at least show a fucking SMILE at zelda once she says “link, i’m home!” GIVEN that he knows the incredibly weighted decision that zelda took in becoming a dragon and roam its skies for hundreds of years in order to give link and the people of hyrule some hope that evil will be defeated once again. this is the same girl that spent 100 years keeping calamity ganon at bay waiting for YOU to heal and wake up. and there’s absolutely no emotional payback from link to us the player or zelda now that we know she won’t spent eternity as a dragon? give me a break! botw tried to explain it in zelda’s diary saying that “oh link doesn’t like showing emotion because he feels he has so much responsibility on his shoulder so he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s feeling” but like, girl he’s not made of stone?? 

imagine if we had gotten a fraction of ss link’s expressions with totk link when he’s reaching out to zelda as she’s falling again after turning back into a human just like ss link did when he tried to catch zelda from falling to the surface. or respond to totk zelda’s “i’m home!” with the same smile that tp link gave to midna when he saw his friend was safe after the light spirits bring her back. it’s just ugh so fucking frustrating looking back at past links and how expressive they were and with totk we’re supposed to cheer that he has microexpressions and praise nintendo for making link such an emotionally-complex character through crumbs. it just makes the totk fanart of link and zelda even funnier considering how non-responsive link is to anything involving zelda. botw/totk zelda has gone through so much shit emotionally to just be talking to a wall. just whatever.

miscellaneous questionable gameplay decisions.

why can’t i call my horse from wherever i am in the overworld like i could in oot/mm/tp. this game tries to be sooo realistic with its slipping from walls if it’s raining or striking you with thunder if you have metallic weapons or well OF COURSE your horse can’t hear you whistling from where you are 10 thousand feet away! but sure i can dive from great heights and not die and i can climb mountains like spiderman and swim up waterfalls with a special shirt (but careful ‘cus this same shirt will make you drown with regular horizontal swimming!) and sure it’s fine for the gerudo to run through the desert in heels. like…make it make sense lol.

and why is it such an odyssey to use a sage’s ability. why do i have to chase them down in a chaotic battle for me to use riju’s ability. why aren’t there shortcut buttons for me to do this. who thought this was a good idea?

why is there no shortcut or a menu where i can easily switch back and forth between my most-used outfits? this was especially annoying in the desert when during the night it’d be freezing cold, so there i go to put on the rito pants and shirt. ah but it’s afternoon again so open up the menu and now switch to the gerudo head gear so you don’t die of heatstroke. like, there’s all these outfit options and this game makes it such a pain to quickly pick my most-used outfits, especially considering that each outfit consists of three parts so you have to be switching back and forth between whatever is currently needed. it’s why i never even bothered to get the climbing outfit because i sure as hell didn’t want to be switching back and forth between THAT and my green tunic just so i can climb this game’s dull mountains. there’s millions types of outfits and upgrading them just give you defense stats. to quote the destructoid article:

 OK, I can swim up a waterfall, but why not let me swim like a Zora as you could in Majora’s Mask? How about on top of just climbing faster, upgrading the climbing gear lets me climb in the rain without slipping? How about at least giving me a hotkey or shortcut to quickly change outfits on the fly instead of going through the menu every five seconds? Those would be things worth upgrading for, not just numerical defensive stats.

but of course you can’t use the same gear for climbing faster AND not allowing you to slip—why, what else would they fill the overworld with if not yet another super specific outfit?

the fusing ability was just a big whatever to me. like, just give me stronger weapons since that’s what i would end up doing 95% of the time with the fuse ability. i don’t care about fusing an ugly-ass looking bokoblin horn to my weapons to make them stronger, or putting a mushroom or whatever on my shield. oh i can fuse fruits and keese eyes and bomb flowers to make fire/ice/light/bomb arrows? very revolutionary.

eventually….ultrahand.

i won’t make this long since i’ve already talked about how i don’t play zelda games for customizations or being able to make my own house or whatever else this game tried to fit into it in a vain attempt to make the game seem bigger than it actually is. sure the ultrahand stuff is cool for the first few hours of the game and your first few shrines, but just like everything else that i’ve talked about on this thesis-long rant, it just got boring and monotonous and uninteresting to me. i honestly went through maybe 70% of the game with just the first zonai battery-thingy that you get from the start since i never really felt the need to upgrade it. ultrahand and its weird-ass puzzles just don’t feel zelda to me, i miss items like the hookshot/clawshots, the boomerang to stun enemies, the whip, the sand wand, the hammer, like…i don’t care that i can make machines that can obliterate enemy camps in an instant, it’s not like enemies are that hard in this game once you get to a certain point—i don’t need ultrahand BS for it. good for the people that are having fun with and making all sorts of contraptions, and yes in a game programming sense it is definitely cool and a marvel to think about, but……idk it just wasn’t for me and the game leaned too heavily on it for my liking. doing the same types of puzzles with carts/rockets/fans over and over again in shrines in the depths in the sky in the temples in the overworld just made me hate the ultrahand mechanic. at least with the ascend ability i felt like it wasn’t as overused as ultrahand but well i guess nintendo really wanted to show off its fancy new toy and say see!! this was worth the 70 dollars!!

—————

whew, well, there’s definitely more things i could talk about in regards to why this game is such a huge letdown for me and one of the worst ZELDA games i’ve had the displeasure to play, but i think i’ll stop here for my own sanity. if there’s one thing i’m grateful for this game is that it made me appreciate older zelda games so much more: i have this huge urge to play through tww and st again, hell even through ocarina of time too even though i’ve beaten that game EASILY over 80 times. i also had a lot of fun messaging back and forth with my buddy downpourstringloop as we would play through the game and exchange our thoughts on it (reminded me of our SS days!), so that was really cool as well. just like with botw, i definitely will not be playing through this game again as i would always do with pretty much all other zelda games (man i remember as soon as i beat ST i immediately started a new run for it because it was just so damn great). it just wasn’t fun for me and i don’t want to wade through 90+ hours of BS just to replay 10 hours of somewhat good moments.

so now that i’ve mostly poured out all most of my thoughts on this game, i hope that totk will not be taking up more of time and make me want to go insane at thinking of all the missed opportunities that nintendo had with this game coming from botw. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i really hope the next zelda game isn’t in this same lackluster open world format and that nintendo can put back a little bit of the magic that made zelda games great and a joy to replay through. but unfortunately for me, people everywhere love botw/totk to death, so it looks like i will just have to ride it out and wait patiently for this zelda open world hype train to die. maybe then we’ll once again get interesting temples, new unique dungeon items, compelling characters and NPCs, engaging sidequests with worthwhile rewards, fun minigames that are rewarding to complete, gameplay that doesn't feel repetitive and beaten to death, and a story that tugs at my heart like SS or ST did.

PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ✌️

[rosa-leigh]

The Secret History

By Donna Tartt

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Review:

Spoilers ahead!!!

I felt like I was carrying around a secret all the time. Like I was in on their crimes too. Especially towards the end, I was filled with so much anxiety that they were going to get caught, and how their stories would end, I couldn’t put the book down.

Every single one of these main characters is unlikable. And I am unapologetic about this statement! I wouldn’t want to be any of their friends, not even Richard, especially not Bunny or Henry. But this is what made this book so appealing to me. I loved Francis. I thought I would hate him and Charles the most, but I loved the two of them. They deserved happier endings. So did Henry. Henry was the biggest snob I’ve ever had the displeasure of “meeting” but I wanted to know everything about him. From his childhood, to his favorite books, to how he learns so quickly, to his morning/night routine, to how he could stay up all night, never eat, only drink and smoke, and be alive at 20. I personally did not like how abrupt Henry’s end was. I think he deserved some good in his life, and a good end. Or at least some closure. But I guess his life was poetic in the way it ended before it was finished. And at least now he can finally rest. I also wish Camilla was more fleshed out. At first she appeared to be an actual porcelain doll, and then my image of her completely changed from her appearance to her personality. She went from “I don’t need a man saving me” to a damsel in distress who couldn’t do anything for herself, and I thought she would’ve been more than that.

From a reading standpoint, I did find myself drifting a lot, reading just to read and not absorbing anything. I don’t know if it’s because I have the reading comprehension of a high schooler, or if I mostly prefer YA fiction (same thing honestly). But there were a lot of scenes where they were very poetic, yes, but I definitely skimmed through to get to the actual story I suppose.

I also thought the book reached its climax too early. I thought it would’ve been a fake climax and then the actual climax would be later, but up until SPOILER: julien finds the letter, there wasn’t much there. When they found Bunny’s body, sure, I felt the hill of a plot point, and even at the funeral, but I feel that sequence missed out on a lot of dramatic potential.

Overall, I was a bit bored, until the parts where I wasn’t, and then I was bored again. I would love to know the characters in a character study, but that’s it. Honestly if I didn’t have a need to complete things, I probably wouldn’t have finished it.

Songs I listened to while reading

Quotes that stuck out to me (more on my Instagram)

[littlebit-png]

Alright you little shits open your ears it’s time for the pope

A couple things for clarification: 

This is about the 2007 Sweeney Todd movie. There are enough differences that I am going to be largely disregarding the musical. Also I have not seen the musical, only the film.

Under no circumstances is any of this reasonable. Get used to it. There are no gods here, only wikipedia pages and a probably neurodivergent teenager.

I cannot read roman numerals. Unfortunately, those are kind of essential for the pope. Spare me some patience here, I am but a fucking idiot.

I understand that Pirelli lied about literally everything. I do not care.

Okay get a warm drink and a cat because this is long

So in Sweeney Todd there is a scene where Mrs. Lovett takes her local emo(one Sweeney Todd) out for a nice walk. They run into a cart where a small child(Toby) starts yelling at the crowd about a magical elixir that made his hair grow and how he’s selling it with this dude named Pirelli(remember that name) now. He tosses a few bottles out into the crowd to check out and a bottle makes its way to our coveted cannibalistic couple. Sweeney smells it and realizes that it’s not, in fact, magical and is instead made out of piss and ink. He kindly lets the crowd know and then this fuckin man bursts through the curtain and starts screaming. 

Look at him. Look at him and tell me that god exists. 

Anyway his name is Adolfo Pirelli and he brags a bunch about being a really good barber(see the sign behind him that I didn’t actually realize existed before taking that screenshot for this). Sweeney calls him out and says that he could shave a face better than Pirelli could and you can’t really back down from a challenge like that (actually Sweeney put him in a really tough spot there where he couldn’t say yes or no without destroying his reputation, it’s neat) so Pirelli flips his cape because his hair has so much gel in it that it’s basically made of stone at this point and agrees. Thus, the Pirelli Shaving Contest. They get two random dudes to be shaved and this dude named Beadle agrees to be the judge. 

Pirelli does a shit job and loses but we don’t care about that right now because while he is singing about how good at shaving he is he says, and I quote(without writing out the horrible italian accent because I hold myself to a higher standard than that) 

“Signorini, signori, you look at a man who have had the glory to shave the Pope! ‘Mister Sweeney-Whoever’, I beg your pardon, you’ll probably say it was only a cardinal no nope! It was the pope!”

Now this was a mistake on Pirelli’s part because he didn’t know that I have had a long-time obsession with learning about popes. I don’t even know how this started but I decided I would find out if he did(spoiler alert: he didn’t but this rant devolves into time travel so hear me out)

Luckily for me, Pirelli shows a picture of the Pope that he supposedly shaved.

Now this further cements that no. his ass did not shave the Pope. Infuriatingly, the pope only signed his name as “The Pope” and did not disclose which pope he actually was, so I was not told exactly which pope this could have been. I started my research.

First step in my descent into madness: Find out when Sweeney Todd takes place. Sounds simple right? Wrong, nothing is ever simple. I will spare you the anguish of trying to figure out when the movie takes place and tell you that it takes place in 1846. The Pope at the time was Pope Pius IX. He looked like this.

This could reasonably be the dude that Pirelli shaved. But in 1846, a fascinating event happened. The Pope changed. Now this doesn’t happen a lot because it is custom that when somebody becomes pope, they’re pope until they die. Technically, popes can retire but only two ever did: Pope Benedict XVI who retired back in 2013, and Pope Celestine V(one of my personal favorite popes, which is a totally normal thing to have), who retired in 1294. 

Back to the topic at hand, the previous pope was Pope Gregory XVI. He looked like this:

Now, along with having all of the characteristics of one of God's least favorite creatures, he does not look like the pope that Pirelli claimed to have shaved. He died on June 1st, 1846 and Pope Pius IX promptly became pope afterward.

So Pope Pius IX became pope in June. Neat. That raises the horrible question: When in the year does Sweeney Todd take place?

Throughout the movie, it’s seems to be getting warmer, though true to london weather, it’s never actually sunny unless you’re in Mrs. Lovett's weird beach-dream-thing. As far as I know, it’s never stated what month(s) it is, though feel free to fact check me on that. I’m guessing it’s somewhere in March-May.

Now, time to put all of this together.

Pirelli claims to have shaved the Pope, showing a picture of future Pope Pius IX when the pope at the time would have been Pope Gregory XVI. Even if the Pirelli Shaving Contest happened after Pius became pope, he would not have had the credibility yet that shaving him would have meant much of anything. 

The conclusion I have reached? Pirelli is a time traveler from a future time, possibly even being an older version of Toby himself, who, when he looked up who the pope was in 1846, found a technically correct answer and was lazy enough to run with it. 

Alright I’m done. Technically there are a few more details to this that I found and a whole other story with the dates, but they aren’t actually as relevant as I would like and were removed for the sake of my sanity as I am writing this when I should be sleeping.

If anybody does want to hear my explanation of the plot of Sweeney Todd I would be happy to give it, it’s genuinely one of my favorite musicals. I’m sure my friends/boyfriend are getting sick of it at this point.

[residentdormouse]

Writing Questions Tag Game:

I was tagged by: @mrsmungus (thank you - you are the absolute best!)

No Pressure Tagging: @asirensrage , @blairsanne , @verba-writing , @scienceoftheidiot , @darsynia and please OPEN TAG - '@' me if you'd like to answer. I'd love to know!!

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

I’m honestly not sure, is that horrible? That’s probably bad… I guess I like how the ending of 'Diving' came out, although I have no outside confirmation if it worked or not. All the groups coming together, lining up the dominos individually to finally knock them down together. That said, I do know I have an all-time least favorite idea that the characters told me happened and I had no say in. I’m still pretty bitter about it. Spoilers: (Diving - chapter 31 & Diving - chapter 34)

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

I don’t think there's a particular one I’ve been hung up on, but I do keep track of all questions asked through Tumblr, and go back to visit them just as much as I do the stories themselves. I have them all listed as links on the ‘Jumping to Wonderland’ main page. Introductions, character insights, things that never really made it into the story, but certainly helped with character development. (sorry that kind of turned into a plug instead of an answer…)

What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part is when a puzzle piece is revealed out of nowhere. You’re just minding your own business, vibing, doing your own thing and *bam*, brain is like ‘Hey, did you know about this…’. Then you just sit there in fascination for a week, replaying and zooming in to see the fine details. So much better than focusing on mundane daily life business.

I could do without the imposter syndrome and the sheer volume of anxiety that comes with being seen though; that can go fuck off somewhere.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

Escapism, let’s be real. Plus, I really miss being creative. I went to college for theater, and really have no opportunity to put it to good use where I am in life right now. So writing a story, I get to do all the things I loved when directing. Character development, scene/lighting/sound design, building a setting and shoving my characters in it. Blocking out the scene, and figuring out the beats. I miss directing…

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I took classes in college, but never really wrote anything of substance. Only started doing fanfiction here last year when I couldn’t find any Glen love on AO3. Didn’t realize I was going to like it so much, and I ended up creating a new story for these characters that I love to get shoved into. New people for them to interact with. Now that it's wrapped, I’m left to figure out my own damn story. We’ll see how that goes I guess?

What is your favorite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

I have two full length chapter fics in my 'Jumping to Wonderland' series:

Something like a Spiral / Just Keep Diving Down

It's hard to separate them in my head because one picks up right after the other. Spiral started it all, but Diving has more of my concepts as opposed to slightly altering an existing story. So I guess Diving for that reason?

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"You can't let what will be, bog you down from enjoying what is."

Not amazing, but it hit me at a time that I needed to hear it myself, so that was helpful.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

My characters or characters I write? Because fanfiction and all - there’s quite a few problematic people I’m working with. Harold has his many issues, so does Lloyd, and Flagg… well. We need some very exhaustive therapy up in this joint. As for my people, Max has many things she needs to work on… (probably why she gets on with Harold and Lloyd so well, they are all disasters, truly). Rayna is, uh, she is rigid and unwilling to see anything beyond her own beliefs. I mean, my characters all have flaws, all good characters do because people have flaws. Nobody's perfect.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

As I mentioned above, I only started writing here like a year and a half ago? I’m pretty sure younger me would be surprised I’m still hyperfixed on the same story. Usually my fix’s last a year. These characters do not want to leave my head, and honestly, I really don’t want them too… Love these guys.

[lenteur]

random thoughts about run on, episode twelve

(please do note that this post contains spoilers so read at your own risk.)

continuing with the kiss that happened at the end of the previous episode, we see yeong hwa sad and crying about dan ah playing with his feelings 💔 i’m a bit disappointed the show didn’t make this scene more serious. however, i do understand why they chose that angle

ms. seo (as he likes to call her) always calls him kid. we see him cry over the kiss then instantly become happy when he eats chicken, pouting when things don’t go his way. he truly is a kid. it’s like we saw him through dan ah’s eyes

i find it amusing how he’s the only one who can drive dan ah crazy like that. makes their relationship even more interesting

may’s reaction to mi joo’s a*gyo is the same as mine whenever i see a*gyo. #cringe

the first half of this episode focused more on dan ah and i really enjoyed it because the writers developed her complicated relationship with her younger brother.

i feel for tae woong because all he wants is a family and some affection. he’s ready to do anything for his sister. “i guess i have a weakness for people who like me. i’m not immune to love yet” that explains a lot

this might be a detail for some but i was waiting to see woo sik run because we couldn’t at the beginning of the show.

contrary to what mi joo says, i think seon gyeom’s super cute with glasses. adds 144562545896523 points to his natural charms. and her excuse made me roll my eyes so much 🙄 “i don’t want anything covering your face” well, allow me to disagree with you

ki eun bi is a queen 👑👑👑 she’s talking back to her father’s friends while still being polite and courteous. and then we see her defending children’s dreams and careers when she says “does your daughter want to play golf?” she’s living her father’s dream and i’m not sure if she began playing golf for herself or her father. i like that she has enough distance with her childhood to realize she doesn’t want other kids to go through what she’s been through

“i don’t want to talk to married men” i’m so sorry your father forces you to do that queen :( you don’t deserve it

i’m happy this show still gives us many interesting quotes about translating (just so i can annoy the 0 people who are reading this) “some people say it’s treason to translate” it’s such a true statement. i’ve seen people, especially for movies, say well you’re just twisting what the original version says. you don’t know the truth. you’ll never be able to give a good translation of this word/sentence. and as translators, trust me, we know. and that’s one of our biggest fears. we can spend hours focusing on one word because we don’t want the message to get across the wrong way. we’ve had nightmares about it as well. which is why i’ve never wanted to work for movies/shows because i know the impact is bigger than any other field of translation.

it was obvious that ki jeong do (seon gyeom’s father) would spy on the main couple. it still sent chills down my spine though

thank you to ki eun bi for letting mi joo know. i luv sisterhood 💕

in case you didn’t know it already, lee yeong hwa is my favorite character. he can go from cold to cutie in .2 seconds. i prefer the cute version even more (even though i cringe at his a*gyo)

i like that whenever yeong hwa is in a scene, it always ends up being funny lol

like for example when he was trying to put the lens in seon gyeom’s eye. everything stopped and cue the romantic music. add on top of that yeong hwa saying things like “don’t you feel the tension?” (i forgot to copy paste the exact words sorry for that)

or when mi joo asked yeong hwa if he saw anyone suspicious. yeong hwa: *points at mi joo* idk if it was on purpose but it brought me back to mi joo saying seon gyeom is suspicious lol

it felt nice to see dan ah share her feelings about yeong hwa “you’ve been my comfort but also my despair” “i used to be content with your paintings but it made me miss you more.” “it felt like wasting time without you by my side” i don’t know how their story will end but i hope we’ll get a few more moments like this one please?

“using the family to your advantage disgusts me” yes seon gyeom! tell your father the truth! when he came to save eun bi from these men, i let out a sigh of relief. FINALLY!!!

ki jeong do blaming seon gyeom’s behavior on mi joo. it’s partly true because she’s the one who encouraged him to do whatever he wants, to not listen to everything anyone else has to say and to focus on what he feels. but i think seon gyeom had it in him. mi joo was just the catalyst in that change of behavior

“you ruined seon gyeom. he used to be such a good boy but he won’t listen to me anymore” “i have the right to own him” like mi joo said, it feels like ki jeong do thinks his son is an object and not a person. he’s been using his family all along. and he’s mad that he can’t do that with his son anymore.

and then mi joo counteracts with “your son isn’t an object. why do you talk as if he’s yours?” “then you’d discard him if there’s a seizure warranty on him” thankfully mi joo is here to defend seon gyeom and prove she cares for him

when seon gyeom said “she (mi joo) is my strength, not my weakness” i went weak in the knees. mi joo is the one who helped him be more confident and bold. she pushed him out of his comfort zone. he gives it his all when he falls in love

[phantomdialogue]

˗ˏˋ. ݁₊ ✶ ˖ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝟒.𝟓/𝟓 ☆ . ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

chestnut springs book two

premise: willa grant needs a job for the summer. cade eaton needs a nanny for his son for the summer. he’s just going to have to try not to fall for her when she fills the position almost too perfectly.

couple: cade eaton and willa grant

tropes: single dad x nanny, age gap (not crazy big but referenced a lot), forced proximity, grumpy x sunshine, small town boy/big city girl

available on kindle unlimited

review below!

review:

i have never been one for kids in real life or in my books but i fell in love with this book and the kid in it so fast. i don’t even know where to begin. cade eaton may just be the dilf of all dilfs at this point…. i can’t believe i just wrote that. i loved cade and all of his complexities. i think that’s something that i’m noticing about elsie silver’s writing is that she really doesn’t write one dimensional characters. even the more “side characters” or characters who aren’t the current focus have so many layers to peel back and explore. for example, jasper, the mmc for the next book, got teased a lot toward the end of this book and all of the little snippets she gave about him just made me want to learn more because he’s not just a cardboard cut out of a character when it’s not “his book”.

the way she wrote cade’s insecurities and trauma really made it resonate with me as a reader because she didn’t just state them and walk away. she dove into them and explaining how it affected everything and how it continues to affect him throughout the book. she did the same with willa. even with luke, he may be five years old but she treated him like a living human kid who has emotions about his single dad and their situation rather than just slapping a funny kid character on the page and calling it a day.

something about this book and its characters really endeared me so much more than flawless did and i couldn’t put this book down. cade and willa will live happily in my mind for years and i hope they live happily ever after on that ranch with luke causing them trouble for years to come.

q & a:

are they endgame? - if cade and willa aren’t endgame, i’d be incredibly confused. i feel like even with their age gap, they have a strong enough sense of who they are as individuals and what they need from each other that their communication is strong enough to last.

did i cringe? - i feel like this one had way fewer “cringey” dialogue moments than flawless and had only a few lines that used more slang terms (like slay and such) that felt out of place. but the dialogue specifically in this one felt a lot smoother and mature

favorite part? - the dynamic between cade, willa, and luke. hands down. i think she nailed it on the head with that. the three of them just make this perfect pact and at the same time, they all have their faults. every pairing within the three of them felt so natural and real to read about that it makes you fall in love with them so quickly and i truly could read a few more books just about them.

least favorite part? - hmmmm. this is hard actually (which is nice in a way haha). i think if i had to choose a least favorite part, it would be the fact that we didn’t get to see willa bond with the family as much as we saw summer bond with them in flawless. with this being such a family oriented series, i was expecting willa to get more of a relationship with harvey and rhett but it felt like a lot of the focus was strictly on willa and cade (and luke). i still loved what it was but i think a little extra about her connecting with the family a little more.

favorite quotes (some spoilers here, of course, but minimal):

I’m here counting all the ways in which she’s a problem for me, and she’s just excited to be here and take care of my child.

It seems like the universe could have granted some sort of reprieve. But it granted me Willa fucking Grant.

How hard would it be to smile more, to laugh more, if it made her look this happy?

“The way I see it, I like you a little more every day.”

She’s a spark in the dark. Dancing flames against a midnight sky.

I want to turn that spark into a whole damn fire so this girl goes out and does what she wants with her life.

“It’s two people who were both a little lost until they ended up on the same path and walked together for a while.”

Eyes shut, I wish for Willa. A life with her. A family with her. Gray hair and more laughter with her.

[project1939]

200 Films of 1952

Film number 158: Wait 'til the Sun Shines, Nellie

Release date: July 1952 

Studio: 20th Century Fox 

Genre: drama 

Director: Henry King 

Producer: George Jessel 

Actors: David Wayne, Jean Peters, Hugh Marlow, Albert Dekker 

Plot Summary: This film spans 50 years in the life of a small-town barber at the dawn of the 20th century. He must deal with the trials and tribulations of a complicated family life- his ambitious wife resents living outside the city, and his children each grow to have strong wills of their own.

My rating (out of 5 stars): *** 

Man, this one was kind of a downer! Wait til the sun shines... but does the sun ever shine in this? It’s mostly partly cloudy. The film could be equally moving and frustrating, but overall, it did a respectable job for a historical drama that spans a lifetime. It mostly leaned away from maudlin melodrama and stayed relatively understated. No happy bows were tied at the end, either- it's just a story about a man who learns to deal with tragedies and keep living. (some spoilers) 

The Good: 

It was nice to see David Wayne play the lead role for once- he mostly played humorous supporting roles in things like Adam’s Rib and How to Marry a Millionaire. It was interesting to watch him use his serious acting chops. He did pretty well as Ben, although I wished he could have used his comedic talents a little more. 

The period costumes were beautiful- especially the ones from the turn of the century. 

One of my favorite scenes took place around the year 1900- a rich man brought a bunch of his party guests into his new bathroom so they could all marvel at the faucets with running water.  

The complexity of the situation with his wife was handled well, because the film didn’t take a clear side. I know I felt a lot more anger at Ben because he truly deceived her, but his character wasn’t unlikeable. 

It generally avoided melodrama, which is no small feat for a fairly tragic historical drama. 

Ben never telegraphed his thoughts, and there was no obvious narration letting the audience know exactly what the character was feeling. 

In the final scene, I found it refreshing that when the elderly Ben was asked to give the newspaperman a good quote about his long history with the town, he basically said nothing. In most old movies, he would have given a stirring speech with syrupy strings weeping in the background. 

The Bad: 

The character Ed! I like Hugh Marlow the actor, but his character was a disgusting cad who seemed to think nothing of cheating on his wife or hooking up with the wife of his good friend. 

The way Ben lied to Nellie made me mad. He didn’t tell her they were going to live in a small town, that he owned the barber shop rather than rented it, that he owned their house... He put his own desires well ahead of his wife’s. 

Did Ben even seem to change much or act like he learned anything along the way? 

The whole section with the gangsters felt like it came out of nowhere. 

There were the flaws of any film that spans 50 years- some things felt rushed, some felt out of place or poorly timed, younger characters were barely developed, and it often seemed to groan under the pressure of having to cram in too much. 

Re: the above, the movie was based on a book, and you could tell. A book would have had more time to develop characters and situations, and it was apparent that the film tried but couldn’t. 

I didn’t especially like Nellie. I don’t know if it was Jean Peters the actress, who I never warmed to, or the role itself. I think it was a bit of both. 

The whole thing was kind of depressing. 

There was a lot of big city negativity that Hollywood films of this kind used to have. Small towns are idyllic mini paradises with lots of simple neighborly people, but big cities are filled with vice and violence. I’m pretty sick of those stereotypes. 

It wasn’t an especially visually interesting film. I also don’t know how dark the original print was, but the inferior print I saw was very dark and dreary. 

[rivusatrap]

SURRENDER

by @easilydistractedbyfanfic​

During a party in Alfea, the students get a bit too carried away and the atmosphere gets a bit too hot and Musa can feel something in the air, something pulling her towards Riven. Neither know what is happening but both are too horny to care. Could it have something to do with magic, or is it just them? Musa/Riven | Explicit |  15830 words (2 chapters)

Favorite Quote: “So what I’m hearing you say,” he pauses, draws out his enjoyment while she curls her fingers into a fist in preparation, “is that I fucked you into an upgrade.”

If you like smut, mind-fairy shenenigans, sex-polen type fics (not really but kind of), you’ll like this fic!

READ IT HERE

You know you’re in for a ride when one of the fic tags say “Magic Made Them Do It-or does it?”

I only met Jenn, the lovely author of this fic, around 10 days ago when she joined the discord server, and I already knew I was gonna like her when the first conversation we had was about kinktober.

She shared this fic saying it was her first in the FTWS fandom and I happily clicked on it. The more rivusa fics the merryer!

But what she delivered comploetely blew my expetations.

The writing in this fic is amazing, the lines are perfect, and the little details she adds with the descriptions make you envision the scenes in your head so perfectly I caught myself looking for the scene in my scene folder to make a gifset of it before I remembered it didn’t exist.

One thing to note is that Jenn puts the “underage” warning and it does make sense considering in canon they are around 16/17 years old, but in my head they are all 18+ so you can easily pretend they aren’t minors while reading the fic.

Also there is the warning for it being dubcon and I understand why she put it there because of the “magic made them do it” trope, but I didn’t feel it was dubcon at all, so I guess it depends on how much you as a reader is sensitive to.

As amazing as the first chapter was, what really did it for me was the second one, because it had a few “tropes” (idk if you’d call them tropes but we’re going with this term) that I absolutely love.

Now, if you don’t want spoilers, stop here, this is your warning.

One of these tropes is one that I feel myself thinking about way too often to be healthy and often add to my own fics, which is the fact that (NSFW) during sex Musa is unable to control her powers and ends up either linking herself to riven’s mind, making him feel her emotions as well as her his, or making her push her emotions into his mind. And this fic has it!! And it’s a detail that had me squealing while reading it. 

Some people are into pulling hair, I guess i’m into mind fucking, idk...

Anyway, another trope- which this i’m sure is not a trope- is that I’m a sucker for adding awkward conversations about intmate issues that are kind of a mood killer and unecessary to the plot but add a real detail that makes the story either really funny or really relatable. Let me explain by using this fic an an example. In chapter 2 we have the awkward conversation of Riven telling Musa that he’s clean of STDs after they have sex without protection. And also him asking her to let him know if she’s pregnant.

I’ve seen a lot of fics not have condoms in them because they’d either interrupt the flow of the smut or they couldn’t find a way to pull it out of nowhere if the characters aren’t in a bedroom or bathroom or whatever. I, for one, love adding that detail because a) lets make safe sex sexy guys!! and b) yes, it does put a break in the smut but thats good!! It drags the scene longer, makes the characters say something other than “oh!” “fuck-” and “god!” and yes, i do love a messy/funny smut and having a character fumble with the little foil package while the other is crazy horny is funny and it is a challenge for the writer to get the scene back to hot. 

With my little ted talk over, and shutting up because this post is too long already, All these little details made Jenn’s fic even more appetazing to me, personally. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea but for me it was a delicious milkshake with caramel and whipped cream.

(Help me bully Jenn into writing more chapters, please.)

[blackspoon99]

The Sign of Three Pt. 3

Sherlock x Female! Reader

TW: Drinking, Language, Potential Emetophobia (If you’ve seen this episode, you know), Spoilers to Season 3

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

“Of course, there’s hours of material here, but I’ve cut it down to the really good bits.”

Oh god, the stag night. You almost laughed just thinking about it. It was unbelievable that Sherlock was willingly telling this story to an audience. You were fortunate enough to witness some of the events of the night firsthand.

The story began the morning of in Baker Street, 11 am:

It was a Saturday morning, and you were over having tea with Sherlock. For the two of you, “having tea” consisted of you both reading in complete silence while you happened to be drinking tea. It was a common occurrence, and for you, it was a treasured tradition. You were curled up in John’s chair opposite Sherlock. Today, you were reading Emma by Jane Austen. You peeked over at Sherlock to see what he was reading. Sherlock was reading a book titled “Atlas of Forensic Pathology”. Riveting. The book looked so heavy; it would probably go straight through the floor if he dropped it.

You returned to your book. This was probably your third time reading the Jane Austen classic. You were inexplicably drawn to the plot, the message, the love story, all of it. You finally were at your favorite part. When Mr. Knightly said to Emma, “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.” You looked at Sherlock over the pages of your book. You couldn’t help but consider the relevance of the quote in your own life.

When you first came to terms with the fact that you were in love with Sherlock, the feeling had burned through you. You couldn’t focus and constantly fought the urge to tell him. Possibly because of the several near-death experiences you'd had. After you made up with Sherlock at the engagement party, the feeling persisted but it was almost duller, easier to live with. You’d slowly regained security in Sherlock’s role in your life and you no longer constantly worried he’d leave again. You returned to your version of mundane and your unrequited feelings for Sherlock became the new normal. It had become more of a consistent ache than a burn.

Sherlock interrupted your thoughts: “Shouldn’t it be relatively easy to find a new book to read if you work in a bookstore?”

“True, but I like this one,” you said without looking up from your book.

“Why? What do you gain from reading a convoluted story of questionable morals that provides no useful information?”

You finally put your book down. “Because, I like to read for fun. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

Sherlock smiled and scoffed at you then returned to his book.

You shook your head and downed the rest of your tea. “Okay, I’ve got to go to work.” You got up and took your mug to the kitchen. On your way back to gather your things, you noticed an open file on the kitchen table that looked like a John Watson scrapbook. You pulled the first paper off the stack to see a cutout of John’s head pasted onto the Vitruvian Man. “Sherlock?” you called over your shoulder, “What’s this file for?”

“What file?” He asked.

You picked up the file and carried it back to the living room. You returned to your seat and started thumbing through it.

“Oh. That’s for the stag night,” said Sherlock.

“Stag night? I didn’t think you would want to do that sort of thing”

“Why not?” He swiftly closed his book. If you didn’t know better, you’d take the action as a sign of offense.

“Uh, no reason,” you said hastily. The file was full of peer-reviewed studies on alcohol consumption, detailed chemistry notes, and copies of John’s medical records. The last page was a detailed schedule of where they were going and how much they were going to drink every hour. “This is awfully thorough.”

“I needed to ensure the maximum amount of enjoyment for the both of us for the duration of the night.”

“How considerate of you.” You put the file down and leaned forward. “So, what do you have planned?”

“John and I will be drinking at a pub on every street we ever found a corpse.”

“That is oddly perfect for the both of you.”

“I thought so,” Sherlock said with a grin.

You looked at the time. If you didn’t leave now, you’d be late. “Well, I’m off. See you later, Sherlock.”

“Yes, yes, goodbye,” he mumbled and returned to reading. You left the file on the table, gathered your belongings, and left for your shift. 

---------------------------------

Later that evening:

You closed the bookshop at 8 pm and headed to the tube station. As you made your way through the crowded streets, you heard your phone ringing. You dug through your bag to find it as you walked. You saw Sherlock’s name on the caller ID and answered it. Your ears were immediately assaulted by electronic dance music.

You heard Sherlock’s voice first “Shut up John, I’m calling her.” He shouted over the music

“Who?” you then recognized John’s voice.

“Her John, I’m calling her!”

You struggled to hear the call over the booming music “Hello?? Sherlock? Why are you calling me?”

“Oh! It’s y/n! Hello!” John shouted into the phone. You winced at the volume.

“John? Where are you? Are you drunk?”

“Stag night! Sherlock tried to measure my piss. Then he got into a fight.”

“Give me that back” Sherlock’s voice “Y/n meet us back at Baker Street. It’s an ‘mergency”

“What did you say? Sherlock? It’s really hard to hear,”

“Baker Street. Now!” He shouted then hung up.

For a moment, you stood in the street, dumbfounded. It was only 8 pm and both Sherlock and John were piss drunk at some club. You couldn’t even begin to process the rest of the information. So much for Sherlock’s plan, although it did seem like they had “maximized their enjoyment”. You weren’t about to miss this.

——————————

You arrived at Baker Street by 8:30 pm. You opened the door to find Sherlock and John laying across the bottom of the stairs. “Hello boys, I’m here.” You announced.

At the sound of your voice, Sherlock and John scrambled to sit upright. Sherlock fell down a step in the process. You tried your best to suppress your laughter. “So, I’m here. What’s the emergency, Sherlock?”

“Right, you,” He said, raising his arm to point at you. “Upstairs.”

You watched Sherlock and John slowly stand up. John lifted one foot to climb the stairs, then stumbled backward.

“Do you need help, John?” You asked.

“Nah,” he said, “‘s alright, I’m fine. I can do it myself.”  

You slowly helped Sherlock and John up and into the flat. Sherlock tried to take off his coat, but his arms got stuck behind him. You giggled and gently pulled his coat off him and hung it on the coat rack. You lead Sherlock over to his chair and he flopped down into it.

You went into the kitchen to get some water for him and John. You figured they’d need it. You searched the cabinets, but there wasn’t a clean glass in sight. You resorted to the clean beakers on the countertops instead. You poured two 250mL beakers most of the way with water and walked them back into the living room. When you returned, Sherlock was sitting in his chair. He was drinking from a glass of scotch.

“Sherlock,” you groaned. “Where did you get that?” You attempted to reach for the glass, but he pulled his hand away, spilling it all over himself.

“It’s okay, this is fine,” he said, staring at his scotch-soaked shirt. “Oh,” he started. “I almost forgot,” Sherlock leaned over the side of his chair to grab something off the floor “You left this,” Sherlock said and handed you your copy of Emma. You hadn’t even realized it was gone.

“That was the emergency?”

“I still don’t understand how you could read this 3 times,” Sherlock slurred. “It’s so- what’s the word? Incorrect? ‘There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.’ What an absurd thing to say” He contorted his face into an expression of disgust and took a sip of scotch from the glass in his hand.

“You read it? Today?” The fact that Sherlock had gone out of his way to read your favorite book made you unnaturally happy. You knew not to read into the things with Sherlock, but sometimes you couldn’t help yourself.

“You left it behind and I was so bored. Besides, I had to understand why you liked it so much. I still don’t know.”

You leaned over and snatched the glass of scotch from him. “I don’t think that’s the best idea, do you?” You handed him the beaker of water.

“Thank you,” he said with a goofy grin. In all the years you’d known Sherlock, you had never seen him like this. It was odd to say the least yet decidedly hilarious.

“Where’s John?”

Sherlock didn’t answer but pointed in the general direction of the bathroom. You decided to take the seat opposite Sherlock. As you sat down, Sherlock put his water on the floor. He then leaned forward and put his head in his hands, staring at you.

“What are you doing, Sherlock?” you asked.

“You,” he said, pointing at your face “are so hard to figure out sometimes, you know that?”

“Me?”

“It’s soooooo annoying. I can tell what almost everyone is thinking all the time, but not always you.”

“You think I’m hard to read?”

“Yes, you. Y/n L/n.” He waved his hands around while he slightly slurred his words.

“Okay then, how about this: I tell you what I’m thinking right now, and you do the same. Then, for one moment, we can understand each other completely.”

Sherlock furrowed his brow “You first.”

“I’m thinking… that I’m glad you called me.” Sherlock smiled and nodded. You giggled, “Now it’s your turn, and don’t lie to me. What are you thinking in this moment?”

Sherlock paused. “I’m thinking that my shirt’s all wet,” he said with a slight frown.

“That’s your own fault,” you said, putting one hand over your mouth to contain your laughter.

John re-entered the room holding post-it notes and a sharpie. “I’ve just had the best idea,” he said with a sloppy grin.

-----------------------------

The three of you all had post-its stuck to your foreheads, each with names written down. John sat in the client’s seat with the name MADONNA scribbled on the piece of paper stuck to his forehead. Sherlock, much to your enjoyment, had SHERLOCK HOLMES sloppily written on his forehead. As per the game, you had no idea what was written on yours. Sherlock was lounging back in his chair, resting his head on his hand.

“Am I a vegetable?” asked John

“You? Or the thing?” Sherlock asked smiling. The two of them snickered.

“Funny!” said John.

Sherlock looked down and smiled. “Thank you,” he choked out.

“To answer your question, John, no,” you said.

“Your go, Sherlock,” said John.

“Erm…. am I human?” he asked, turning to you.

“Sometimes,” you said with a smirk.

“No, no, it can’t be sometimes, can’t have that…”

“Fine. Yes, you’re human” you confirmed. “My turn. Am I a man?”

“Yeeep” answered John. “Sherlock, you again,” John said, forgetting it was his turn.

“Am I a man?”

John nodded. Sherlock kept going. “Am I a tall man?”

John looked at you and started laughing before he even spoke “Mm, not as tall as people think.” John’s head flopped to the side as he let out a hiccup

“Nice?”

“Ishh,” John said skeptically.

“Clever?”

“I’d say so,” you interjected.

“Do people…” he made air quotes as he spoke the word ‘people’ “... like me?”

“Not really,” you said, chuckling “You tend to rub them the wrong way.” If you had to babysit your adult drunk friends, you might as well have some fun.

“Hm,” Sherlock nodded intently. “Am I the current King of England?”

You and John immediately burst into laughter. “Good guess, Sherlock. But you do know England doesn’t have a king?” 

“Don’t we?”

“No,” John said. “Y/n, you go now”

“Right, okay. Am I a friend of ours?”

“Ehh, yes?” Sherlock said.

“Yes, yes they are Sherlock,” said John “Jesus.”

“Well, that narrows it down significantly. Am I Greg?”

“Who’s Greg?” Sherlock asked.

You rolled your eyes and took the post-it off your forehead. The name “Gavin” was written on it in Sherlock’s handwriting. Of course.

“Hey!” Sherlock yelled, “Cheater, that’s cheating. John, did you see that? Y/n’s cheating.” Sherlock got up and took the post-it from your hand. He leaned forward and stuck it back on your forehead. “There. Now it’s John’s turn.”

“Am I a woman?” asked John. He slumped in his seat. Sherlock immediately started giggling. “What?” John asked.

“Yes,” confirmed Sherlock

“Am I a pretty woman?”

“Er, beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences, and role models.”

“But am I pretty?” John asked again.

“Yeah, Sherlock? Is John a pretty woman?”

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who you’re supposed to be.”

“What?! You picked the name,” John said.

“Ah, but I picked it at random from the papers,” Sherlock said, flailing his arm over to the stack of newspapers in the corner.

“I don’t think you understand the point of this game, Sherlock,” you added.

“So, I am human, I’m not as tall as people think I am ... I’m-I’m nice-ish ... clever, but I tend to rub them up the wrong way.”

“That’s correct,” said John.

“I’m you, aren’t I?” Sherlock asked, pointing to John.

“Ooh-ooh!” Mrs. Hudson chirped as she knocked on the door. “Client!” Behind Mrs. Hudson was a woman wearing a nurse’s outfit with a cardigan over it. You scrambled to take the post-it off your forehead as you stood up.

“Hello, I’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time—”

Sherlock immediately stood up and interrupted you. “It’s not a bad time, no, no Y/n. We always help a person in need.”

“Do we?” you said with a forced smile and looked over at John for help. John just stared back blankly at you with a goofy drunken smile.

The woman beamed “Thank you,” she said. “Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?”

John imitated a slide whistle, and pointed to Sherlock’s post-it on his forehead. Sherlock flashed a wide toothy grin. You put your head in your hands in defeat.

----------------------------------------------------------------

A few moments later, you’d made the woman, Tessa, some tea, and you John and Sherlock were sitting on the couch. Sherlock was sat in between you and John. Tessa sat in a chair opposite the three of you.

“I don’t ... a lot ... I mean, I don’t ... date all that much ... and ... he seemed ... nice, you know?”

You looked over at Sherlock and John hoping they could keep it together. John was blinking slowly and heavily while trying to stay awake. Sherlock was listening to Tessa’s story intently.

She continued. “We seemed to automatically connect. We had one night – dinner, such interesting conversation. It was ... lovely. To be honest, I’d love to have gone further ...”

Beside you, Sherlock closed his eyes and began to lean into your shoulder, dozing off. You subtly elbowed him, and he straightened up abruptly.

“But I thought, no, this is special. Let’s take it slowly, exchange numbers. He said he’d get in touch and then ... Maybe he wasn’t quite as keen as I was ...”

You looked over at John who was practically asleep with his eyes open. He had a blank stare and his mouth hung slightly open.

“But I – I just thought ... at least he’d call to say that we were finished,” Tessa concluded, tearing up slightly and looking at the floor. Immediately, Sherlock’s face contorted into an expression of sympathy as he dramatically brought his hand to his mouth. You stared in disbelief and handed Tessa a tissue. “Thank you,” she said to you. “I went round there, to his flat. No trace of him. Mr. Holmes…”

Sherlock leaned forward and rested his head on his hands.

“I honestly think I had dinner ... with a ghost.”

You and Tessa waited to hear what Sherlock had to say. You leaned forward to look at Sherlock and John’s faces only to discover they had both fallen asleep.

“With a ghost, Mr. Holmes!” Tessa repeated, louder.

You sharply elbowed Sherlock in the ribs much harder than before, and he sprung awake. “Boring, boring, boring,” he mumbled, then turned to you and put his hands on either side of your head. “No! fascinating!” He exclaimed, his face right up close to yours. Sherlock then turned to John “John – John! Wake up!” John finally stirred awake.

“I’m up,” he mumbled.

“Apologies about my ... you know ... thing,” Sherlock said, pointing at John. “Rude. Rude!” he yelled straight into your ear. You grimaced at the loud noise and put your hand on Sherlock’s forearm to settle him.

“Yes, that’s enough, Sherlock,” you whispered. “Uhm, go on, Tessa.”

“I checked with the landlord, and the man who lived there died. Heart attack. And there we are, having dinner one week on.” She turned and began to rummage through her purse. She pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper and handed it to Sherlock. You grabbed it before he could take it. It was a print-out of an online chatroom. “And I found this thing online, sort of chatroom thing for girls who think they’re dating men from the spirit world.”

You nodded. This actually seemed like a decent case. Too bad Sherlock and John probably wouldn’t remember one word of it tomorrow. Sherlock tried to stand up next to you, wobbled, and then put one hand on the top of your head to steady himself. You groaned and struggled to untangle his hand from your hair.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find him in ten minutes,” Sherlock said confidently. Tessa smiled in relief. “What’s your dog’s name?”

You facepalmed and stood up next to Sherlock. He leaned over to wake up John. “John! Wake up! We’re meant to ... The game’s ... something” he said, waving his hand around.

“On!” yelled John.

“Yes, that,” Sherlock said, walking out the door. “Come on, Y/n.”

“Wait, Sherlock. Where are you going?” You protested, following him down the stairs.

“That’s a good question. Where are we going?” he asked Tessa in the foyer.

“Oh! Well, I suppose we ought to go to his flat,” Tessa said.

“Sherlock, no,” you said, “You can’t leave...” you looked off the the side awkwardly “…like this.” He ignored you and dragged John out to the sidewalk by his sweater sleeve. He stepped out into the street and hailed down a cab.

“40a, Jasmine Grove,” interjected Tessa as the cab pulled up.

“Are you coming Y/n?” Sherlock slurred.

“No!” you yelled. “And neither are you.” Before you could reach him, Sherlock climbed into the cab after John and Tessa and slammed the cab door in your face. The car drove off. 

“Come on, really?!” you yelled in frustration. Now you had to follow them. You ran to the edge of the sidewalk and decided to call a cab for yourself.

--------------------------------------------------------

You finally made it to the apartment to see Tessa and a man you presumed to be the landlord standing by the door. It was a rather modern apartment with exposed brick and abstract furniture. John was standing in the corner with his hands crossed over his chest and his lips pursed. He was swaying slightly, trying to keep his balance. You pushed past the landlord to see Sherlock kneeling on a shag carpet holding his pocket magnifier. As soon as you walked in, he face-planted into the carpet and passed out.

“He’s clueing for looks” John announced, proudly.

“Oh god,” you said, scrambling over to Sherlock. You grabbed his upper arm and tried to pull him up. God, he was heavy. 

“That’s it, I’m calling the police.” The landlord pulled out his cell phone.

“No, no, please, that won’t be necessary,” you protested.

“This is a famous detective. It’s Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson,” Tessa clarified.

You finally managed to get Sherlock to straighten up. “When did you get here?” Sherlock asked, looking up at you. Then, he bent over and immediately threw up on the carpet.

“Ugh why?” you groaned and plugged your nose. Sherlock wiped his mouth on his sleeve and then clicked his magnifier shut.

------------------------------------------------------

The next morning…

The landlord had called the police and the night ended with you watching Sherlock and John being driven away in the back of a police car. You’d immediately called Greg hoping he’d let them go. Greg had said the best he could do was try and let them off with a warning if they spent the night in the drunk tank. When the station opened, Greg sent you a photo of Sherlock and John asleep in a cell with the caption “Come and get ‘em!”

You walked into Scotland Yard and Greg was there to meet you. “Thank you, Greg,” you said, handing him one of the 4 coffees you’d brought.

“God, what on earth happened to them?” Greg asked, taking a sip from the coffee you gave him.

“Stag night got a bit out of hand,” you said. “Afraid I lost control of the situation.”  

“You can say that again,” agreed Greg as the two of you walked through the station to the drunk tank.

“Rise and Shine!” Greg bellowed as he swung open the door. John was awake and sitting on the floor. He had his hands on his head while Sherlock was still fast asleep on the bench.

“Oh my god,” John said, grimacing in pain. “Is that Greg?”

“Get up,” he said “Y/n’s come to collect you. Managed to square things with the desk sergeant.” John painfully and slowly got up. “What a couple of lightweights! Y/n said you couldn’t even make it to closing time!”

“Yeah, could you whisper?” John asked.

“NOT REALLY!” Greg shouted straight into his ear. Across the cell, Sherlock jolted awake, mouth wide open in shock. He tried to stand up, then fell backward back onto the bench. You walked over and helped him up.

“There you go, Sherlock. Nice and easy,” you said quietly and handed him one of the coffees. He took it and stumbled out of the cell, head down. He looked like hell, not to mention the way he smelled. You caught up to John and handed him one of the remaining coffees, leaving the last for yourself. You took a sip of your coffee and continued down the hall. 

“Well, thanks for a ... you know ... an evening,” John said to Sherlock.

“Oh, it was awful,” Sherlock said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I was gonna pretend, but it was, truly,” said John. He then turned to you. “Y/n, I am so sorry, that was—”

“It’s okay, I had fun,” you said with a smile.

“At least someone did,” said Sherlock. “That woman, Tessa, dated a ghost. The most interesting case for months. What a wasted opportunity.”

“Really? That’s your takeaway from this?” you asked. He shrugged. “Come on, boys, let’s get you home.” 

A/N: Stag night! I love this part of the episode, so I hope I did it justice. Funny story. When I was writing this, I was trying to find real book titles for Sherlock to read and I came across a real book titled “Surrounded by Idiots” I wanted to use it in the story SO BAD but it was so perfect, that it sounded cheesy and made up lmao. I’m 100% certain Sherlock would have it in his bookcase though. 

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