#cw: existential crisis

[luckystar190mk2]

Scary AIBO encouragement

WARNING! May cause an existential crisis. DO NOT view if you're easily existential! You have been warned!

Click the button ONLY if you're certain you'll not have an existential crisis!

Well, if you insist you'll be fine, here you go... Just don't come crying to me if you do have an existential crisis.

There, are you happy?

[fdragon-art]

Day 272 - Broken Apart

I'm falling apart.

I see the horizon ahead of me and see it broken into parts. The atmosphere, though it seems always there, will fade in time. It will fade, and leave behind nothing.

I see the stars floating above me, speckling the skies with its glitter. They consume their fuel, eventually expanding and imploding on itself, empty from its process. It may produce more behind it, but they, too, will stop existing.

I see my sense of self, a myriad of physical and mental networks. Combining and recombining, breaking apart and reorganising. Where does it lead? It's a clump of cells that will leave nothing behind.

I'll leave nothing behind.

Not because my ceasing to be "me" - and that is what death is here - won't affect those lives which are intertwined with mine. It's simply because those effects will fade, even as it creates its own chain of events.

It ripples outwards, energy decreasing as it spreads, until...nothing.

It all becomes nothing.

It all fades away.

...what do I do, when even the idea of dying seems pointless?

When nothing is meaningful...?

When nothing is meaningful to me anymore?

When nothing could be meaningful, knowing it all disappears?

...

The part of my mind that clings on to what the rest of us believe is important - being alive - tells me that I should still find my own meaning, even if - or perhaps, especially because of - nothing truly matters.

...but how do I fight the rest of me that finds no solace in that idea? How do I reconcile being "me" when, ultimately, it just doesn't matter...? Nothing is for any reason. Nothing can last forever, so nothing will remain in the end.

If all I can do is just take the next step and bear what comes next, then...

...why take that step anymore?

[follow-the-compass-home]

Karl and Sapnap become a new superhero team and are tasked with capturing Quackity. It should be easy, except life is never quite that simple.

Title from Margaret Atwood's 'They travel by air' from the anthology 'Power Politics'.

AU: Superhero AU

Genre: Angst, Humor, Fluff, Fantasy?

WC: 18,273 words

Relationship: Karlnapity

Language: English

Status: Finished, 6/6

Warnings: Fighting, burns, fires, slight derealization (dream), treatment of burn injury, inappropriate comments, implied death, guns, gun wounds, mentions of death, mentions of the end of the world, nightmares, memory confusion (I don't exactly know how to phrase this one), identity/existential crisis

[st-hedge]

2B and mgs2 Raiden outfit swap - done!

[medusas-graveyard]

Au where Danny, whose timeline is an alternate version of Dan's timeline. Instead of Vlad, he's taken in by...Bruce Wayne? What the fuck do you mean his uncle is fucking Bruce Wayne???)??????

While Danny is having the existential crisis of his life, Clockwork is giving very specific instructions to Danny's rogues to make sure the boy doesn't sway to the same person Dan was. Of course, he should've known better.

Unsurprisingly, threatening Batman was a bad idea; since now the Justice League is in high alert ever since they found out this entity named 'Phantom' is supposedly the difference between the end of the world and peace.

[solradguy]

I translated this one too but the punchline ended up being heavy instead of stupid lol

[beaft]

finding out that most other people have an internal monologue fucked me up so bad i swear. what do you MEAN you have a little voice talking inside your head the whole time? does that not drive you nuts???

[celestiall0tus]

Day of the Fall Page 2

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[titaniium999]

imagine being always seen as a derivative of someone else rather than vice versa. imagine being programmed to destroy the person you were designed after, programmed to see yourself as the better one of the two, yet you can never defeat the 'inferior' one. you're supposed to be the better one, yet you can never live up to that. you're supposed to be his greatest creation, yet you constantly fail him. you're given a powerful intelligence and even the ability to feel some emotions, yet you're treated like an object and only wanted when you can do something productive and relied on because you're a robot, a machine, you're supposed to be perfect, infallible, you're supposed to do this, do that, and if you make one tiny mistake, if you fail, if you're wrong, if you rebel, show independence, something is horribly wrong with you because machines aren't supposed to be like that and you need to be reprogrammed. you'll never get to be a person. not even close. and you know it. you can't even get infected with the metal virus like the rest of them. you'll never get to be who you wish you were.

[daily118]

[bambiraptorx]

(gives Leo existential crisis and a nose)

[ashersbraincell]

I was but a wee child when I had a false-awakening loop of nightmares. Each time, I would wake up as a different person in a different profession, walk up to the mirror to realise said fact, and then slice a section of my cheek clean off, for the pain and disbelief to „wake me up” only to start the cycle anew.

And that dreams feels weirdly symbolically relatable now

[ottopilot-sfw]

I thought I was going to save a life.

I have only told a few people this. I have been in the National Marrow Donor Program since college. If you are multiracial, your participation is especially important because multiracial people can have difficulty finding a match.

Last month, after 25 years, I was a match for a 15-year-old child. There was a phone interview, they overnighted a cheek swab kit (my original domain was blood). Then I was told I might have to wait up to 60 days for an update.

This morning I was told I was no longer a candidate. It's possible another match was found, or an alternative treatment was chosen.

I wasn't sure how to process that. I was assured feelings of disappointment, concern, or relief are normal. An hour later, I am typing this on my phone under the covers in bed with a weighted stuffie.

Almost as soon as I laid down the tears came. Then I was stifling sobs. I have been holding onto, well, a lot for the last couple weeks, like many of you.

With the autism, it's always about the control. I want to help and I can't, and it breaks my fucking heart. That extends to everything happening right now around us.

It feels so goddamn stupid and selfish to think of myself. But I can't be mad at myself, at what my brain tells me I should feel. And how intensely I feel it. Especially that part.

I write about mind control because with constant demands for attention, the responsibilities of being a parent and father, the idea of giving up control sounds appealing. But the actuality of it is terrifying to confront.

My wife texts me and the impassioned, rational approach is surprisingly helpful. Usually, a family member is a match and they choose them. She follows with, "I know you have a good heart."

I replied, "Thank you. That's what makes it hard."

Man, I hope that kid is going to be okay.

https://www.nmdp.org/

[chibishortdeath]

I got a new sketchbook since I filled one recently :3c. Shout out to suddenly getting a ton of energy and drawing bizarre fanart at 1 am 💀💀💀.

I’m putting the more violent ones under a cut even if the post is already tw tagged because of the subject matter being a bit dark d(^^ ).

Along with explanations for all of them of course!

⚠️tw for self harm and burning past this point⚠️

First one (before the cut) is just some pose practice. Simon’s just sitting, all sad and mopey. There’s also a little chibi doodle of him in the bottom corner and a little pose armature in the top corner for a pose I didn’t even end up drawing whoops lol. I feel like I drew his face a little differently than I usually do in this one :O. Idk how that happened lol.

This one is to show the differences in anatomy between each game! The curse takes a lot out of him, poor guy, so he’s a bit less jacked than usual 😔. Well, more specifically he doesn’t have as much of a layer of protective fat anymore. And he’s also very tired :(. But yeah, this is just a reference I’ll look back at to keep this detail consistent! I was going to put scar reference on it too, but I completely forgot and eh it mighta made it kinda hard to make out anyway d(- - ).

I drew this side profile of Simon while watching a video talking about lost media stuff. I think the image I based it on was something Saki Sanobashi related, idk I just liked the vibes of the hair being blown back by wind and got inspired :). And yes I know that Saki is probably a hoax 💀💀💀💀💀, I didn’t have much interest in it tho tbh, besides just hoping something lost gets found in general. Lost media videos are honestly great for putting on as background noise when drawing :)

Simon is totally me when I have a crisis and cover my face with my hands, but make sure one eye is visible and miraculously out of shadow for dramatic effect!!!

Ok spookier stuff time, first of the below the cut drawings. This one is based on how sometimes vampires are depicted as being able to drain someone from long distances or beyond the grave. Dracula is mean, and Simon is suffering from the curse, the usual. Augh I actually need to do things cause I keep thinking of a cool scene of Simon having a weird Dracula nightmare and then waking up to see it wasn’t a dream, and that’s tropey as hell, but it’s spooky!!! Do you see my vision?

This is a depiction of like what happens with a game over or something :O. Like an absolute worst possible outcome: Simon dies and Dracula is unsealed and fully regenerated. I basically just took is Simon’s Quest design and then rehydrated it and tada, Dracula is no longer a skeleton— He ends up looking way more like Vlad the Impaler in this outfit hmmm. Also, unrelated, but a friend of mine mistook Dracula for Jesus in this drawing 💀💀💀.

Oh boy, edgy depictions of uh a lot of not being very kind to yourself themes. Idk how else to describe this one other than ya know when you get really mad at your past self for making a mistake or the wrong decision that you could’ve only known about in hindsight? Also in part the fear of actually becoming a vampire at the end of all of this? And I guess a bit of feeling like it’s your own fault, you’re the one that keeps shooting yourself in the foot, but I feel like he’d also attribute getting hit by Dracula in the first place as his fault too… hmm just a lot of very sad things going on, this one was definitely a later 1 am time drawing, maybe 1:40 or something. I think what I draw at night is further proof to not trust you when you’re tired; I get weirdly existential at night and then it’s totally fine in the morning. Simon! Just sleep! Stop overthinking!!! You’ll be ok!!!

This one I debated putting up at all cause it’s graphic and not finished (TwT ;). But it was a rare drawing of Simon smiling that didn’t look uncanny, which is kinda ironic because Simon this is not the time to be smiling—! That is also wayyy too far for just the Dracula ritual, you really only need a tiny amount to open the seal, but I’ll cut him some slack cause he is a bit at wits end by this point. I’d say maybe he’s smiling because he thinks he finally won, but tbh I thought of it more like when things are just so bad you start laughing. Like Dracula just rose from the altar and the morbid irony of it all is just so absurd, the irony that you did everything right and fought tooth and nail (Dracula’s to be exact lol) to stop it and here it is happening anyway. I wanna give this guy a weighted blanket and a bowl of warm soup—

These last two are based on what could’ve happened to him. The Grey ending is pretty much usually considered the “worst”, but they’re all nearly interchangeable, especially in the Japanese version. For example: the western release really makes the Blue ending seem like he died and didn’t kill Dracula, but it’s a lot more that he just died doing it in the original, which is to say that it’s kinda like the Grey ending just with a different eulogy— Anyway, the Grey ending is the only one that doesn’t show Simon at Dracula’s grave, so I’ve always taken it as he didn’t make it out of the castle basement. And well, setting Dracula on fire is a pretty common way to kill him so uh um, R.I.P. I’ve got a couple ideas for alternate comic endings to say the least. I might honestly just depict all of them and leave it entirely up to the reader which one happened because it doesn’t change much— Though this also has me thinking of how him surviving would work now. The curse would definitely have left some lasting effects, you don’t just magically stop having been rotted, sleep deprived, and whatever else it did. Idk I picture him being like Renfield levels of lost it afterwards if that makes sense… that could also be a pretty solid explanation for why his story isn’t told correctly and the cycle repeats with Maxim later; it’d be a pretty traumatic thing to talk about tbh. Ok but yappersvile over, next doodle 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Aside from the burnt doodle that’s uh same explanation as the above (R.I.P.), the other two are just a little head angle and expression practice and one tiny one towards the top that’s Dracula being all spooky ghost vampire, but I didn’t like how it was looking and gave up on it 💀💀💀. It’s very hard to draw a vampire attacking someone and not have it look kinda awkward or unreadable. Tbh I struggle putting two characters in one image anyway because I have to draw the anatomy lines for both of them and they end up getting really hard to tell apart when one is behind another, one character suddenly isn’t proportional compared to the other, or you find out one of them isn’t tall enough for the pose you had in mind (>~< ). So anyway Dracula was accidentally way too short all of a sudden and I couldn’t figure out how to draw his torso without making a completely incomprehensible blob behind Simon oof.

Okie, it’s lunch time, bye :3!

[gillipopmoji-archived]

[kreidxpriz]

LIVE ft. @redwiddershins cw. existential crisis, mentions of suicidal thoughts