#cw: Psychological abuse

[codenamehazard]

.:Jabberwocky:.

Chapter 32: Jabberwocky

[TRIGGER WARNING: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, TORTURE AND TRAUMA]

Hey guys! Sorry I'm a bit late with this chapter! The character voice was giving me serious hell! (Writer's Block, my behated)

Though it's not surprising considering all that I have in store here! Good god, I had to fight to get the words on the document but boy howdy is it worth it!

I hope you've got some water as this is gonna be a doozy. I hope you like this chapter!

Without delay, let's jump in!

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“No…”

My blood freezes in my veins and my heart races as I stare with wide eyes at the mirror behind me. I’m looking at it, I’m seeing it, but I don’t want to believe it. I refuse to believe it. I refuse to believe that the bastard is here in this hell-maze with me, that he’s here at all. I can deny it all I want, but the mocking smile in the mirror. I know what’s in front of me, replacing my reflection and confirming a fear that I always dread…

Kessler.

“Look what the rabbit dragged in.” The decrypted echo sneers as he begins to circle me in the mirrors that surround me, stepping in front of the other reflections as if they were spectators about to watch a fight. “The coward who denies the truth, even though it’s staring him right in the face.”

“So says the murderer that took everything from me just because he was too much of a fucking coward to face the Beast himself until it was too fucking late.” I snarl back at the twisted reflection, trying to use my rage and hatred to thaw the frozen blood and shake the fear away. “You took away everything I held dear, that we held dear; You killed Trish, you made Zeke betray me! You made my life fall to shambles and even fucking lied about what the Beast was actually doing, all for what?! All because you were too chickenshit to actually protect your family and fight the Beast.” The bastard fucking laughs at me like I was just a yapping ankle biter.

“Oh that is rich coming from you, Cole.” That fucking crone cackles with that sneer. “The one who kills for shits and giggles calling me a murderer. All the pain I caused was done for a purpose while you inflict pain because you are broken inside.” I can feel my blood seeth as he talks, energy gathering in my hand as I keep my eyes on Kessler. “Face the facts, Cole. I would say you’re no better than me, but I dare say you’re worse. All that I did was for a reason while you lash out like a pitiful, sniveling rabid dog who bites and scratches at all who get too close.” I could swear I can feel his stinking breath on my neck as he stops behind me.

“Try as you might, MacGrath… You will always end up alone and you will have no-one to blame but yourself. Because it will always be your fault.”

My rage flares red hot and an Alpha rocket rips from my hand towards the old fuck, but I damn near get blown to bits. In my fury I had forgotten the nature of the very place I’m in. The rocket just bounces off the mirror and I barely have enough time to get out of the way of a direct hit. I curse to myself as I feel the pain from the blast radius, why the fuck did I even think that was a good idea in the first place?! Kesslar cackles at me as I stagger to my feet.

“Still as predictable as ever, Cole!” The crone scoffs as he seems to grow bigger, like a looming shadow. “Lashing out when you know I’m right.” As much as my anger bubbles under my skin, the fear, it creeps back in. Feeling so small, being so helpless. There’s only one thing I can do. I turn and run down the closest hallway to get away from this specter and start looking for a way out.

I can hear the bastard laugh at me over the thumping of my boots and the rapid beating of my heart. Mocking and sadistic.

“There you go! Running away again like the cowering mutt you are! Running from the truth and running from responsibility when it comes to take its due! Breaking the promise you made to yourself so long ago!” I curl my lips at the barbing words, but I have to keep running. I can’t fight, not without obliterating myself in the process! “Maybe it’s for the best that Trish is dead. She isn’t here to see the whimpering coward the man she once loved has become!”

My rage claws inside my chest as I want to scream.

The mirrored halls, I swear they’re messing with my head. I think I could see things changing, I look at one shifting reflection, watching it change into a sight disturbing and familiar. It was myself from years long past, but something’s not right. It’s faded, black and white. Almost like I'm staring at a fading memory, but the eyes I can see, clear as day. They look tired, but also full of pure hatred.

Another reflection, this one more vivid and crisp, one I’m more familiar with. The reflection that greeted me every time I looked into glass windows or puddles back in Empire City. God, I looked like I was walking dead with how pale my skin was, and the black marks that decorated my body didn’t help either. I liked it that way, people left me alone, but now being on the receiving end of that malicious gaze and cruel smile? I’m having second thoughts.

“You!” I hear a new voice ring out as I run. It’s not Kessler’s but mine! It sounded clearer, less gravelly and tired. Oh please don’t tell me the other reflections can talk too!  “I see you, running away, running from the truth! The truth that you’re just as responsible for the destruction of my life! Actually, more responsible!!” I growl at that lie. I didn’t do jackshit to destroy the life I once had, if anything, I was trying to get it back! The blame is Kessler’s and his alone.

“I can hear your thoughts, Cole!” The faded echo barks out with loathing and hate. “You weren’t trying to get life back on track, you were just acting on your own selfish impulses! If you had just sucked it up and been a half-way decent person, Trish would have loved you in her dying moments! But no, your own ego was more important than the woman you claimed to love so much!” I do my best to tune out the venom, but the words cut like knives as I feel a familiar pricking against my eyes. No! I can’t cry, not now! Not when Kessler’s chasing me.

As one voice is tuned out, another erupts in cruel, callous laughter… This voice, it sounds more like how my voice actually is.

“Oh how the mighty has fucking fallen, o’ so called “Demon of Empire City!”” I hear the doppelganger’s voice call out. “Once on top of the world sitting on a throne of scrap, now you’re nothing more than a sniveling weakling running around helpless.” Rage flares in my blood, but I have to keep moving. I can’t fight here, I have to get out! Get away!

“You sicken me. You know that, Cole?” The echo sneers. “You’re a failure. You failed to protect Empire City from the Beast, you were too weak. Running with your tail between your legs to New Marias. Then you bow the knee to the Beast himself just because of some pathetic notion of “the right thing” or some shit like that. Now look at you, you have the power of the Beast yet you’re running scared when you could simply blow this whole place to cinders.” I want to scream at the voice, tell him to shut up, blow up the mirror that the doppelganger hides in, but I know I have to keep going. Doesn’t make the words any less infuriating and painful.

“Why don't you unleash all that power, Cole?” The taunting continues. “Are you too scared? Are you not as powerful as you claim to be or…. Perhaps… Are you getting soft, you pathetic failure?” Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!!

I pick up the pace, my hands covering my ears to drown out the cruel words and venomous barbs as they start to swirl around in my head. Now I am being hunted by three, making my heart frantic. The fear and pain, it was like I was losing Trish with the magnitude of it all. I want to get out of this hell, even if it means disappearing! I just want it to stop!

I think I see something, but I refuse to look at the reflections. I think I hear something, but I refuse to uncover my ears. Enemies everywhere even though they wear my face. All thirsting for my blood and tears. Such things I refuse to give despite the stringing at my eyes. Soon my own voice joins the hellish cacophony, screaming at these demons as that is all I can do.

The more I yell, the more I run around practically blind and deaf, the more confused I get. At this point I’m not sure where I’m running. I can faintly hear laughter every time I clip myself on a corner, ram into a wall or run in circles. I’m lost, so hopelessly lost in my desperation for freedom. My voice is going hoarse from shouting and screaming. The idea of just going fucking nuclear and unleashing hell in the form of the Beast’s Rage is becoming more and more appealing, but with the nature of this hell, that would surely kill me in the process.

I stop at a dead end and fall to my knees, my eyes welling with tears that spill over as I rage inside this mirror nightmare. I just want it all to stop. I want this to be a night terror that I’ll wake up from but I know this is reality. My arms growing tired from holding my hands over my ears, they go slack. I am now exposed to the full brunt of the devils’ venom….

Wait… Who said that?

A voice I didn’t hear before screams with a similar force that I did, but the words they speak aren't venom and hate, but…. Instructions? Directions? I can’t tell at this moment, but it’s something that isn’t loathing and malice. At first I don’t believe these words, thinking them to be a trick or a trap, but with the hateful sounds closing in and with no other option… I follow the directions.

It’s then I see who the voice belongs to. Another faded and blurry reflection, but this one looks unfamiliar. It’s still me, but he shares my tanned skin, his scars barely visible, his shirt grey and white, Amp shining like silver and the sparks off of his hands a brilliant blue… This is what Kessler wanted me to be… A hero.

The blue sparked reflection continues to point and shout directions, seeming to be trying to help me, but why?! I make it no secret, I am not a good person. If this is the hero Kessler wanted, he should be hurling abuses at me just like the others. I’d even go as far as to say he’s the one with the most right to hate me as I am the reason he doesn’t exist. Yet here he is, trying to help me.

I open my mouth to question, but my blue twin snaps. “Not the time, Cole! They ain’t gonna stop for you to ask questions.” I get the message loud and clear and keep running.

I follow the instructions, focusing on that as it’s better than the miasma that I’m being subjected to. I have so many questions to ask, what is happening? Why is it happening? Why are you helping me? Just anything to make sense out of this fucking madhouse, but I keep moving, hoping that I’m not falling into another trap.

My heart sinks as I see that I’m at a dead end and I’m about to bolt, but I notice something… At the end of this hallway is another mirror, but with a very different reflection.

I cautiously walk towards it and squint my eyes, it looks… Fuzzy, almost like a photo that hasn’t been developed. On closer inspection, I can see some things that make it look more like a reflection of my current self, black pants with kneepads, my vest. Visible, yet blurry… The only thing I can see clearly are the eyes of this copy. They’re closed, as if sleeping. What could this mean?

As I look over this mirror, I notice something else. The cruelty of the three devils hunting me, it’s gone. This area is quiet, still and peaceful. Here with my heroic twin, but why is this so? At this point, I care little for the question as I slam my back onto a reflective wall and slide down into a sitting position, hands holding my head as my chest shudders and heave with tears I’m fighting back.

“Not giving up on me are you, Cole?” My blue reflection asks. I sniff a bit as I struggle and shake my head. “Nah…” I reply in a voice that’s more strained than I’d like. “I just….. Need a breather.” The white clad hero nods his head and simply sits in a way that mirrors mine, back to back. “Take your time, Cole. Catch your breath.”

This peace is strange, but compared to the hell I was subjected to? It’s a soothing balm on my mutilated soul and I let some of the tears flow freely. A small relief to keep the dam intact, for now at least.

When the peace has passed, the heroic MacGrath pipes up. “I know you have a lot of questions, but since it’s just us, best get them out of your system.” I turn my head and I can see the blurred reflection turn in kind. I start off with a simple “Why?”

“Why what?” My blue twin asks. “Just… Why? Why is this happening? Why am I being tortured? Why are you helping me?” I ask back in kind. The hero frowns and shakes his head. “As much as I want to answer the first two, all I can say is your guess is as good as mine as I have no clue either… But I can answer the last question. I’m helping you because I can’t stand this suffering.”

“But why?” I continue to question. “You out of all the reflections have the most reason to hate me. I’m everything you would stand opposed to, hell I’m the reason you don’t exist. Why help me when you could come after me as some sort of punishment?”

“And subject you to this hell?” He balks “I wouldn’t even wish this on Kessler, let alone myself. Good or evil.” His eyes stare off into whatever silvery void the mirrored world has. “Besides… I got to see where my path leads to. Got to see that even though I did everything right, it meant jackshit in the end.” He turns to glance at me again. “That all I did was pointless. Utterly pointless”

I’m about to ask him to elaborate, but he shakes his head. Something must have gone completely fubar if he doesn’t want to talk about it even if it’s to bitch and vent.

“So…. Where’s the exit out of this hellhole?” I ask, the heroic twin turns his head and points to the mirror at the end of the hallway. I turn to look at him like he’s crazy. “Um, that’s a wall.”

“It’s the way out.” He simply responds. “It’s the only way out. The reason there’s a wall is because you believe there’s a wall.” I shake my head at this crazy talk. “How do you know if that’s a wall or not?” I question the reflection. He looks at me. “You’re going to have to trust me and by extension, trust yourself.”

“I don’t do trust fall-type bullshit.” I point out bluntly. “You should know this as much as I do.”

“Why would I lie to the only one of any of us in this damn mirror hell that has a future at all?” My blue twin points out harshly. “It’s a cold hard fact, Cole. Out of all of us here, you’re the only one who has a chance at living.” I stand and he stands in kind; both of us staring at each-other, man-to-man.

“While you are right, you are everything that I stand against. You’re selfish, egotistical, ruthless, sadistic, irresponsible, downright dangerous and destructive to the point of senselssness, but you’re also fucking honest about it.” He points out. “Then there’s also the fact when it came time to choose between a gamble that if it fell short would leave everyone to suffer slow and agonizing deaths or go with John and the method that was proven to give humanity even the slightest sliver of a chance to come out the other side. You chose what you felt was right. It may not be what Kessler wanted and there may have been selfish motivations behind it, but you still made that choice.” I look at my twin puzzled, but he’s right… Right about everything, good and bad.

“This is your ticket not only to escape this hell, but to escape Kessler for good.” He continues. “That bastard already took two futures away from you, your future with Trish and my future. Don’t let him take this one away from you too.” His words ring out in my head like a gunshot as I look towards the blurry mirror. “I know it’s a leap of faith, but please take it! Take it and get the hell out of here! Live the best life you can… For the both of us… Please…” The last words fall like a pleading whisper. Looking into the same blue eyes we share, I can see it. The same eyes I have, the eyes of a broken man.

I stare at my good twin for a moment longer before I nod my head.

With that, I turn to face the blurred reflection. I step back a few paces and charge up a polarity wall to act as a battering ram, hoping that this won’t backfire. Unleashing all of my emotions in one, booming battle cry, I charge.

I swear I can hear the ghost of a whisper in my mind. A soft “thank you” as I make contact only to fall through thin air.

I roll through the tumble and onto my feet before looking around, panting hard. He was right… It wasn’t a wall, it was an illusion… Was that whole maze and the horrors within an illusion too??

Once I’m not disoriented as shit, I start to look around this new place. I see bleachers, a trapeze and a barrier… Am I in the center stage of this fucking circus? Before I can start to explore, I hear a familiar female voice ring out with an Irish accent.

“It’s about bloody time you showed up!!”

[ferinehuntress]

― PUNISHMENTS

Pink dealt with a plethora of punishments due to her inability to stay quiet. Even with her actions being used as a tool; her vicious nature and her willingness to kill and hurt people, the wardens still had to remind her who was in charge. This includes but is not limited to, if she kills a warden or if she doesn't back off when told to. If she starts up a fight or they find contraband in her room. There are many reasons why Pink would get punished, and sometimes the wardens didn't even need a reason; they would just do it to remind Pink who truly was in charge.

The most commonly known punishment was taking away certain privileges. That meant sometimes they would take away clothes, food, bathing, or bedding. Sometimes it was as simple as taking away her mattress and pillow if they found contraband, or taking away food privileges for the day. It wasn't uncommon either to simply forget Pink in her cell and let her stay there for the entire day with nothing more than her voice to keep her distracted. These were the less damaging punishments.

The second kind of punishment she received was something called The Midnight Post. When Pink acted out without permission, whether it was assaulting another prisoner or smaller discrepancies, sometimes she would be taken to the courtyard or the fight ring. A metal post would be there where she would be chained too. Her wrist would be chained above her head, her neck collared and her ankles chained to the bottom. She would be whipped and punched, abused by the wardens for 'disregarding the rules of the prison' and then she would be left for display. Sometimes she is there for a few hours, and other times she might be left there the whole day in the cold or the sweltering heat. No food and no water). Afterward, she would be dragged back to her cell and thrown into it. These punishments tended to cause Pink to 'quiet down' for a little, looking compliant but it was only out of the necessity of survival. Once she had food and water in her system, it was only a matter of time before Pink acted out once more.

Another form of punishment was that of waterboarding. More often than not, this came when Pink didn't perform the way the wardens wanted to in the fighting ring or her cell. She would be chained down to a table (neck, arms, and legs), then have her mouth stuffed and forced to undergo the pouring of water over her face. This would go on for hours, for no other reason than to punish her. It wasn't meant to coax out the truth of what happened even though the wardens would taunt her about 'if you tell the truth this will stop' or if she explained where something might be hiding like contraband. More often than not, the wardens primarily used this punishment to remind Pink that no matter what, they had control over her, even her ability to breathe. She couldn't even shove the cloth out of her mouth because they would make sure to tie it in place, trapped in her mouth so the only way she could breath was when they removed the cloth from her face. The wardens never did too much, as they didn't want their prized executioner completely damaged from oxygen deprivation but it was enough to remind Pink that she was nothing but a leashed tiger. That even something as precious as water was a tool of punishment in these warden's hands.

The last one was called Darkin's Hole. It would take over six wardens to drag Pink into a cage, where they would collar her down against the base of the cage, her legs bent and arms bent like she was a dog laying down, and then chain her wrists and ankles to each corner of the cage. Afterward, it would be pushed into a hole in the wall and the door closed. She would be left there for at most up to a week depending on the severity of what she did, and only fed or given enough water to survive. The food and water would be put down in a bowl in front of her, humiliating her to eat or drink like an animal as well with no use of her hands. When they pulled Pink out, they often would force bath her and then throw her into her cell because she had no energy or capability to fight back. This was the tool that easily gained Pink's compliance for a good few months, behaving just a tad bit before she started to act out again. This punishment was often used whenever she attacked the chief warden, whenever she killed a warden or severely wounded any, or became so animalistic that she could not be controlled.

[rottenbutrecovering]

Mayhaps this is too hot of a take for this blog, BUT I'm tired of people being like "narcissistic abuse is an important label to me because it's the only thing that describes the form of abuse I was subjected to" Then they describe their abuse and it's emotional abuse. Like we have a term for it. We have for like decades. I've yet to see any definition of "narcissist abuse" that does not also define emotional abuse and/or psychological abuse.

MY abuse fits the descriptions I've seen of "narcissist abuse", and that's because I was emotionally abused.

I do not understand why suddenly emotional abuse and psychological abuse have just seemingly dropped out of people's lexicon. (Well. I have my theory why. But that's a long post for another day).

[arainmorn-art]

Deciphering. Let the bloody CWs begin!

Deciphering, pages 120-124

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Let the pain begin x)

That whole episode with young Nick in court can be looked at from a different, non-comedic perspective. There was not just a pathetic crying boy, but actually a young man who was trying to protect his beloved and until the last minute he couldn't believe that she didn't love him, despised him, and wanted to kill him. And something tells me that even after finding out the truth about her, Nick didn't get over it that easily. A wound like that doesn't heal quickly. So even with all the signs that things are different with Edgey, it's hard for Nick to get past the dread of not getting fucked immediately after confessing his love.

Now that's a theme that I want to explore.

Fasten your seat belts. It's not gonna get any less bloody.

P.S. Here comes the hint of the AU I like the most. Trucy is the biological daughter of Phoenix and Iris. I'd rather believe in the spirit channeling than that ridiculous adoption. Iris could have concealed the pregnancy, hidden in her monastery, given birth there, and only after 3-5 gave their daughter to Nick. I think he's better off being a biological father for once, as he already has too many adopted kids.

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[crustyfloor]

Content warning (light) : Experiments / Abuse / Body and eye horror tw(?)

The album cover is sick as hell, I initially thought it was skeletal parts, but it looks the most like an MRI scan showing a brain with a lot of abnormalities, including signs of head trauma.

The most profound detail I found in the "brain" is the dark spots.

Dark spots in the brain are usually the result of a brain lesion, a permanently damaged area of the brain usually caused by injury, infections, exposure to certain chemicals, etc. General trauma.

If it's someone's brain, I suspect it's Till's brain. aside from Luka, he has been through the worst of the Alien's mistreatment since he was a child, under Urak's (the bastard's) care he had been exposed to much abuse. The sheer harshness and hostility of Urak's "training" make it obvious why he was probably one of the only pets to withstand it all.

Life-long injury in some form is surely a given to me. Seeing as it's already been mentioned that because of Urak's abuse, his pets rarely make it to the end because of the mental issues they had developed, and experiments can kill them before they even make it to the stage.

Back to the brain, it has a lot of abnormalities (especially in its appearance). I can't explain much, I'm not a neurologist. But based on the research I did the the most damage seems to be near the Frontal lobe and the Precentral gyrus.

source source source

This could explain Till's already implied mental problems, one of them (In my opinion) being some form of dissociation, round 6 was the most telling as his behavior was out of sorts having been broken down he changed drastically, throughout the whole round he was emotionally distant, i'd probably describe it as him being in a daze.

And his hallucination of Mizi during the karaoke scene could be a symptom of that to ease out of the moment.

(I also see that as more of a coping mechanism for Till, but I'm taking it into account for this since it's likely.)

Experiments always looked intense, I wonder just what chemicals and substances he was exposed to, in one of the opening scenes of CURE we're shown what looks to be DNA splitting, or duplicating? there could be a multitude of reasons for that. But it makes me curious just how deep this goes, and how much it affected Till. There is a lot of things about him that could be explained with Urak's presence in his life.

Having his brain tampered with to such a degree, I think we'll start to see the horrific effects come to light here soon.

[toringo]

More stuff for the 'childhood friends' au

[tarucore]

screenshotting this one bc I can acknowledge that I’ve got shipper goggles on and op isn’t about that life which is fair but

I feel like batfam fans misunderstand the term parentification a lot and conflate it with Dick filling a parental role for his siblings, which might be part of the “oldest daughter syndrome” that’s so often pinned on him but that isn’t what parentification actually means

If I say that Dick Grayson was parentified, then that isn’t referring to him taking care of his siblings, it refers to the way Bruce treated him. As someone capable of taking care of his emotional needs and not as the child in need of care in the relationship

Parentification is a term that’s been around for decades, and while having to care for younger siblings might be a part of the definition, it focuses mostly on the role reversal of the parent-child dynamic. I’m not going to get into the psychology of it but being parentified has very little to do with if he actually acted as a parent for his siblings and everything to do with if he acted as a parent for Bruce

This is honestly why I prefer the term spouseification, which is less ambiguous than the term parentification and I feel accurately describes their “equal” relationship and the type of emotional abuse that Dick went through

Also from what I’ve read, Dick doesn’t act as a parental figure for any of his siblings except for Damian. While he might have given extra emotional support to Tim due to Bruce being Bruce, Dick still fits solidly into an older brother role. I’m not even going to touch on Dick’s relationship with Jason which is too weak to even be considered fraternal never mind parental

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Round 4: Mabel Pines (Gravity Falls) vs. Amane Momose (MILGRAM)

Propaganda below the cut

Mabel Pines (12):

I literally saw a tiktok today about how Mabel is a bad person. She’s 12! Like yes, she has made some mistakes and bad choices, but so has everyone else. And I never see any of the other characters in the show criticized the way she is. Everyone in the show has made mistakes (Grunkle Stan commits crimes practically every episode ffs) but because Mabel is a 12 year old girl and acts like it, she gets the most hate. Mabel deserves to be loved 🩷

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girl gets so much flack for being... immature and kind of selfish at age 12? like she had whole video essays made on why she is a horrible person who deserves punishment. god forbid girls be silly

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!!! Spoilers for Gravity Falls last 5 episodes !!!

This has gone down a lot but when the Weirdmaggedon arc was happening, the finale of the series, a big part of the fandom started hating Mabel because she accidentally caused the Weirdmaggedon (basically an apocalypse + bizarre shit like the water tower becoming an eight-legged monster with a giant mouth).

For context, in the episode that starts this arc, "Dipper and Mabel vs The Future", Mabel is really excited to the end of their summer vacation at Grunkle Stan's house, since it will be her and Dipper's 13th birthday and they will enter high school (her idea of high school of course coming from teen movies). But then this whole idea starts to shatter when Wendy tells her that high school isn't like a Disney musical, but it's okay, she will get through this since she will be with Dipper, her twin brother...

Except, that Dipper receives an invitation by Grunkle Stan's scientist brother Ford to become his apprentice after summer ends, staying in Gravity Falls, without Mabel. When she discovers it, she gets really mad at him and in a fit of rage, she accidentally picks Dipper's bag instead of hers and runs off to the woods.

When she gets there, Blendin, a time-travelling friend of theirs finds her and tells her that he has a way of making her brother stay with her, and make the summer take a little more to end, and that he just needed a little thing that Dipper has in his bag. That thing is a dimensional rift that Dipper and Ford contained to not cause the Weirdmaggedon, but Mabel didn't knew about that and gives it to Blendin. Blendin then breaks it and it's revealed that Bill Cipher was controlling Blendin to get the rift and release the Weirdmaggedon. He then traps Mabel in a bubble, starting the final arc of the series.

So, a few episodes later, that bubble she's in is revealed to be a world of fantasy that she controls, and that she didn't want to leave that world, as she was scared of growing up etc.

Context given, A LOT OF PEOPLE HATED HER FOR THIS. Suddenly people started seeing Mabel as just a selfish girl who wanted things only her way, when she was only a 12-year-old scared of growing up without her twin brother (they do end up going back together at the end but still).

The worst part is that apparently the people behind it took note of this, and on the comics that where released after the finale, she is a selfish spoiled brat. I haven't read the comics though so I'm going off what some people said about it.

Amane Momose (12):

Amane was voted guilty in the first trial so that she would acknowledge her guilt. It backfired, and now she’s considered a threat. Well, everyone is a threat, but nobody’s threat level has been as heavily discussed and debated as hers. Consider the next prisoner in line, Mikoto. He’s objectively more dangerous and cannot be restrained. He beat up the guard in trial 1, and he was able to hold his own when the other guilty prisoners were attacked. But a good incentive to forgive him is so that he will calm down. You know what? That’s a good incentive to forgive Amane too! But she *can* be restrained, so a good portion of the discussion went into how she should be voted guilty so she *will* be restrained and not a threat. Since her vote was a near 50/50, of course a good chunk of the voters expressed dissatisfaction with her forgiven verdict. Some are already planning to vote her guilty for trial 3, calling her a “lost cause”. She hasn’t even done any concrete harm yet. Hold the pitchforks until she actually causes harm, please? And what if she *was* voted guilty in trial 2? We’ve been warned that she will continue to deny our judgement. A second guilty verdict won’t make her better either, and then what? She’d be called a “lost cause” as well. There is no winning with her.

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Where do I even start? So first of all she’s an cult child who was physically and mentally abused and tortured by her parents and then (presumably) murdered her mother after her mother killed a cat that she took care of.

Now everyone in Milgram is a murderer but when Amane came and her MV showed her murder and circumstance in an admittedly highly fictionalized depiction of it the audience decided to…repeat the cycle of abuse!

She was voted guilty for the main reason of “teaching her” and helping her “realize that she was abused.” I would like to note that this tough love approach is something her parents utilized against her. “We are only doing this to help you.”

So the audience replicates Amane’s abusers and repeats the cycle of abuse and that’s pretty shitty but it isn’t exactly “Fuck Em Kids” level.

And then Trial 2 happened. Cause Amane is bitter and angry and horrifically traumatized so she acts aggressive and hostile. Especially towards another prisoner.

Now, again, everyone here is a fucking murderer (of atleast could be constructed as one) These people being able to Harm is a core concept of this series.

Yet for some reason it feels like people treat Amane as a “delusional creepy kid who wants to kill people” which completly takes away the nuance of her character. She does have the capacity to harm! Everyone here does! She’s not Uniquly Dangerous! She just has a Reason to be Dangerous. A Reason we GAVE HER by REPEATING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE.

In short: In a series full of Murderers I’m honestly a bit pissed that the 12 year old abuse victim is the one who’s treated like the guy from American Pyscho.

----

TL;DR: "We metavoted this abused, indoctrinated child guilty in trial 1, but it didn't work. Now she is a threat to three grown adults: one who is fully free and two whom she has been shown to get along with. Please metavote her guilty again so she will be restrained and unable to attack them, even though that means subjecting her to further psychological torture." Amane Momose is the youngest of ten murderers, prisoners of Milgram who are to be judged innocent (forgiven) or guilty (unforgiven). In the first interrogation (voice drama), she said that what she did was in line with her religion's doctrines. If we judged her the "wrong way", she said she will just deny the verdict. Combining the voice drama and music video, you could piece together that she was raised in a cult and abused, even though she is cheerful and downplays her pain. She never shows *who* she killed, only *why* she did. After the first day of her vote, she was 81% innocent, but this wouldn't last the whole three months. Many people voted her guilty so she would "see her sins", part of the practice commonly known as "metavoting". Her innocent percentage rapidly decreased, and she hit guilty in the last 15 days, finishing at 51% guilty. At the end of the first trial, Jackalope (who is something like a host) went over all the prisoners' verdicts and commented on the general reasoning. When he got to Amane, he *laughed* at the audience for voting that way to make her realize her sins. Trial 2 rolled around, and it was revealed that Amane's victim was her abuser. On day one, she was at 74% innocent. Seems like a cut-and-dry case now, right? Well... in the intermission, two of the prisoners (Fuuta and Mahiru) were badly beaten up and became reliant on the care of Shidou, a doctor. Amane became hostile to Shidou because what he was doing was against her beliefs. She visited all three of them on their birthdays to convince them to change their ways. She seems to be especially close to Fuuta, who is now murmuring about salvation. Guilty prisoners are psychologically tortured, forced to listen to voices that reject their beliefs. Fuuta and Mahiru both say that the mental strain is worse than their physical injuries. But Amane, who also looks worse for wear, was thrown under the bus because she isn't injured and is considered a physical threat to them (never mind that she gets along with them). She's considered a threat to Shidou, a grown man who is twice her size and fully free, while she is partially restricted by the long sleeves in her trial 2 uniform. She might indoctrinate Fuuta even though, in a prison of ten people and one guard, she's the only voice of her cult. Fortunately, she got a break. Her vote was falling at a similar rate to the first trial. But this time, it stabilized at 51% innocent, 12 days before the end of her vote. But there's no way this is over.

[naughtybg3confessions]

I need to torture Gortash through sleep deprivation. Bane won't visit him on my watch.

If companions can get a redemption arc through severing their links to their Gods, I bet I could fix him with sleep deprivation induced mania if I tried long enough.

Besides, tyrants driven to absolute insanity are the best ones to manhandle.

[himehomu]

Homura did nothing wrong. And I stand by that. Because, she didn't do anything wrong towards anyone nor did she do anything with malicious intent. The only thing she did wrong is entirely in regards to herself. Rather than basing Homura's entire character around an act she made out of love or reduce her character to an evildoer with no morals nor love in her heart like some people still do to this day under the poor facade of “valid criticism,” I'm going to explain what Homura actually did wrong in Rebellion and her what her act of selfishness actually was.

What Homura did wrong was condemn herself to suffering as an immortal deity, the Devil whom acts as a rebellion against God, The Law of Cycles, strict laws of the original universe, which included Madoka Kaname not existing. That is what she did wrong, but not in the black and white, Good-vs-Evil way most people interpret this as. Yes, they are meant to be enemies one day, but because God favors rules and always doing the right thing, whereas the Devil favors her desire to stay in a world where Madoka is happy, where her friends are happy, where they are safe and have a chance at a life. A desire for happiness vs maintaining order of a broken world for the greater good, even if maintaining order means making sacrifices and making hard choices that directly rebel against that desire and yearning for happiness.

But, here is why Homura is wrong in dooming herself to her fate as the Devil. It's very subtle, but seconds before the Flower Field scene, as they are walking, Madoka turns and tells Homura that it really hurts her seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. This may seem like a simple thing a friend would say, but remember that Madoka lost her memories as a goddess. And, as a goddess, she was stuck alone in Heaven having to watch life go by, Homura's life go by, and wasn't able to interfere. Think about that for a second. Think about being Madokami.

Think about when she could finally understand just how much Homura did for her, just how much Homura fought for her in all those time loops; the moment she's able to reciprocate her feelings, she fades from existence as the consequence. Wanting so badly to comfort Homura as she bears the psychological burden of being the only person to remember her, to know her, to miss her, to grieve and mourn her. Thinking the only time she’ll ever be able to see let alone talk to Homura again is when she’s essentially dying from all the grief, the pain, the guilt, the sadness of not being able to save her from her fate of being a goddess trapped in isolation. Think about that, then look at what she says here again. Of course it hurts Madoka seeing Homura hurting so badly and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Because that's what she's been doing as The Law of Cycles. Much like how she said she'd never make the decision to become a Goddess in the first place a few seconds later, she says this because this is the real Madoka who loves and cherishes Homura, who hates to see her hurt.

Take that into consideration when looking at what Homura turns herself into at the end of Rebellion, how she's suffering and you can see the exhaustion on her face and in her eyes, how you can see the immortality essentially sucking the humanity out of her to the point where she herself believes she is evil. This was never about Good vs. Evil. This is about Homura hating herself so much not only for being unable to save Madoka, but possibly even for loving her in the first place considering her love is what made her powerful enough to condemn herself to her fate as a Goddess trapped in Heaven with her wish. This is about Madoka hating herself so much to where she only deems herself worthy so long as she's helping others, her self-loathing making her reduce herself to a sacrificial lamb and throwing away her life for the better of everyone else, caring so little for herself and being unable to even fathom that she'd be mourned or grieved if she were to die, thus sacrificing herself over and over, seeing herself as a means to an end if it means freedom for everyone she loves. Madoka has always been there to comfort Homura and protect her since the first timeline. How can she do that if her memories and powers to do so are locked away? She can't. Because Homura doesn't believe she deserves Madoka's love.

Homura doesn't believe she's worth Madoka's sacrifice in becoming a God and Madoka doesn't believe she's worth Homura's sacrifice in becoming the Devil. Madoka cannot understand that she is so so much more than what she can give to other people whilst Homura is the only one that does. Homura can't understand that dooming herself to immortality pains and hurts Madoka because she can't do anything about it thus she can't save her from her suffering like how Homura ceased her suffering. It's a cycle. A snake eating it's own tail. A pumpkin that spins round and round and round. They're both selfish and they're both selfless. Homura is selfish in the sense that she's not taking into consideration how Madoka would feel if she knew how much she were suffering as the Devil for her sake yet she is being selfless because she's only suffering as the Devil for Madoka and her family and their friends to have a happy life. Madoka is selfish in the same sense that she's not taking into consideration just how psychologically damaging it is for Homura to not only have to watch her die over and over again throughout 100 timelines but to then erase herself from existence with Homura being the only one to remember her and she is selfless by of course only sacrificing herself so much because she cares for everyone and all Magical Girls, Homura especially included. They both love each other enough to sacrifice themselves for the other but they both hate themselves so much to where they believe they are undeserving of the other's love hence they keep dooming themselves to suffering in isolation and in turn dooming each other.

[wickjump]

grrr cross whump… grrrr making him suffer… grrrr giving him extreme amounts of injury and blood soaking his bones… grrr…

[cat-eared-dollwitch]

I have words hiding in the back of my throat. They itch and burn.

The words are almost unintelligible; even I don’t fully know what they read.

Not truly.

I want to cough them up. One at a time, if need be.

But they’re stuck.

Stuck, lodged in between my esophagus and larynx.

With enough effort I could swallow them.

Yes, I could swallow my words.

I’ve done it many times before.

But they always come back up,

eventually, with bile and acid

coating my tongue.

No. I’ll be okay.

I find a piece of cutlery, a fork.

I wander towards the bathroom.

My face greets me in the mirror.

Is it my face?

I think it’s my face.

My mouth opens.

I begin what I came here to do.

I don’t gag at first.

I pry something free.

I spit it into the sink.

It disappears down the drain in a pink

streak of blood and spit.

I do it again.

My vision blurs, my eyes dripping.

I cough.

Another piece.

Down the drain.

And another.

And another.

I hack up the words, syllable by syllable.

It’s awfully disgusting. But I can’t stop.

I can’t stop.

I’m close to something.

I hope it’s relief.

I hope it’s catharsis.

It’s probably more pain.

It’s probably another night

shuddering on the bathroom floor,

inconsolable, untouchable.

I want to try. I need to try.

I’m choking on my own vomit and blood and I need to try.

More fragments.

Burning ideas and concepts.

I’ve dropped the fork.

Everything is sticky and red.

I just want to fix myself

I just want to be whole again

I just want my wings back

I just want my wings

[neuroticboyfriend]

gentle reminder that gaslighting isn't always an abuser blatantly calling you crazy. they may lecture you about how you're misinterpreting something. they may say something very serious is no big deal. they may get passive aggressive and leave you feeling irrational. or they may get furious at you for being overdramatic without ever directly calling you that.

gaslighting is a form of manipulation, and manipulation is most effective when the victim doesn't even notice it's happening. "you're just insane" is a lot more obvious than "i don't remember that happening, are you sure it wasn't just a bad dream?" and whether it's over or covert, both are horrible. both are dangerous. both are abusive, and oftentimes neglectful.

be careful out there, and know you know yourself best. you are the expert on you - your mind, your body, your life. no one can change that. not even the people who wield so much power over us.

[alexandraisyes]

I'm wondering how the fuck I ended up with ASPD or at least its traits. I'll spare you the story, but I'm having trouble seeing any of my trauma as severe enough to make me remotely a sociopath. it doesn't seem that bad compared to what other people went through. it feels stupid that I was broken by so little.

I mean I don't consider my trauma/ptsd to be that bad, even though I watch people go pale as I talk about my childhood and even bringing it up makes people uncomfortable. So I know that logically "Haha wow that's fucked up" but I just

Don't care

I don't think the extent or how objectively "bad" your trauma was matter, since this isn't an objective thing, it's subjective. Depending on how young you were, how long it lasted, etc even mild neglect can be detrimental for prefrontal cortext development if it goes on for long enough. A lot of people develop sociopathic traits without being qualified for an ASPD diagnosis. I know a lot of teenagers who are extremely apathetic because their parents just stopped taking care of them and being an active part of their life when they started middle/high school. You develop ASPD in early childhood, sure, but you can develop partial symptoms at any age without being qualified for a diagnosis.

It's all subjective, like I said.

Me personally? I was born to a meth addict, was in and out of foster homes until I was three, then when she lost custody of me I went to the system for the next three years until I was adopted by my legal mom who married my biological father. And he was at work all the time, my siblings were extremely hostile towards me, and my mom didn't know how to handle me. And then when I started middle school my dad started abusing me. And that's just the briefest summary possible leaving out the details of exactly what I endured, but that lasted from ages 12 to 18. I didn't form any proper bonds when I was a young child between 6 and 12, instead being abused by my adoptive uncle during the summer and forming an unhealthy sexual relationship with another member of my adoptive family because of it.

And I can say all of this like I'm discussing the weather, I don't think it's that bad. I certainly don't think it's nearly as bad as what other people have been put through, but I'm also not other people. I'm me. It's not really my place to compare my experiences to other peoples.

[alpaca-clouds]

Hector and Trauma

You know what. I wanna talk about Hector from Castlevania, specifically the Netflix version of the character. (Again: I hate CoD Hector, who just replaces his dead girlfriend for her fucking clone. That's just fucking low.)

As people might've noticed... I am kinda obsessing about this man right now. And the main reason is that... I really do identify with him in a way I have not identified with a fictional character before. I read him as autistic (though I am not sure whether he was supposed to be read that way or just happens to be written in a way that every single autistic person I know reads him so...) and I very much identify with the C-PTSD that he clearly has.

We do not know much about his childhood, other than "lonely kid revives animals to have friends" and "abusive parents". We do not know how far the abuse went, so whether it was just verbal abuse (which we know about) or went into physical abuse. All we know is that at some point he could no longer take it and killed his parents by setting the house on fire and locking them inside. We don't know, how old he was after this and what exactly he did after that. Only that in his early 20s he is somewhere on Rhodes with his undead animals, has already met Dracula once and then agrees to "cull" humans and then creates night creatures for Drac.

Again, there is little information for what has happened in the time in between. But we get enough information to understand that he has been at least somewhat mistreated by other humans, making him wish for humans to be somewhat culled.

Here my interpretation of him being autistic comes in, too. Because... an autistic child with an abusive home will completely lack social skills and hence will probably meet with a lot of abuse from other people. Because he would not know how to act around them.

Something we do see: He kinda seems to understand that Dracula is doing a genocide and not just a cull. But he very willingly ignores it or keeps himself soothed by thinking that he is just misunderstanding it until Carmilla comes in.

Now, Carmilla makes it clear that Dracula lied to him. But she obviously also betrays him and then abuses him. Something that is kinda ignored: During the march to Styria he is constantly abused. He has fresh bruises, when he arrives at Styria, making it rather clear, that he got beaten up constantly during the long march there. So: Say hello to even more trauma.

Along comes Lenore, her original violence against him and then obviously her betrayel. And let me make one thing clear: What she does to him in the finale of season 3 is sexual assault. Maybe not in the legal sense, but speaking of a psychological effect, it clearly is SA.

Obviously at that point we do have season 4. Where he seems kinda... fine. Like, what we see is, that he presents as fine. He is joking with Lenore. He is making his escape plan. He appears to be okay. Which is a state that seems to continue till the end of the show. Heck, we see him smile as Lenore dies........

And that should be a hint on how not-okay he is.

Let me talk about child abuse first. See, here is the thing: Children do not only develop physically, but also psychological and neurological. In that, they need to learn certain things at certain points in time. One of the first things children are supposed to learn, is to trust and mistrust. But for that they need a stable surrounding in which they can trust that they are cared for. Which children, who get abused or neglected, usually do not have. Especially with the dialogue we have from his mother: "I knew you were wrong from the moment you came out of me." (Note: This is another reason I read him as autistic, because at times autism shows even at infant age and without the information it might lead to parents not quite bonding with the child.)

They also need to learn some basic autonomy early on and to deal with self-doubt and shame. Which again abused children, who do not get encouraged to develop autonomy in a healthy environment and often might get shamed cannot develop.

Some other things they need to learn is how to deal with guilt, how to understand consequences, how to develop an identity and also what role they have in society. All things that children, who are abused, cannot properly learn. Additionally here, because Hector clearly has not found his own place in the society he lived in.

And this is something we actually do see in the show. He is absolutely unable to understand whom to trust or to see any red flags. He also is so clearly longing to be loved and praised by someone. Which is why he falls for Dracula and Carmilla and then Lenore. Heck, good chance that his understanding with Varney went something like that.

He is obviously not aware of this, but he is very much compensating for what was not given to him.

There are several characters over the entire story, that note how he has the mind of a child. And part of that is just, that he has childhood trauma and developmental delays because of it. And this delay is used again and again against him.

Something that is very noticable in the show is, that Hector never once cries. No matter how much he is abused and betrayed, he does not cry outside of the flashbacks where he is a kid. Now, in any other show it would not be that noticable, because we rarely do not see men cry in media........ but Castlevania is different here. Castlevania has no qualms letting the men cry.

Now, IRL it is obviously that a lot of men got taught not to cry. Because our society has the entire "boys don't cry" thing going on. BUT... I kinda doubt that is what is going on here.

See, one thing that happens in some cases, when people have amassed too much trauma, is, that they loose the ability for appropriate emotional responses to things happening to them. Mostly because the brain cannot process the emotion normally any longer.

Which is also why I think he is smiling in that last scene. Because... I mean, let's face it. The Lenore death thing has to be fucking traumatizing too. But he just... doesn't quite have the ability to process it in any proper way.

Now, how much of this is intended reading?

Honestly, I do have no idea. But at some points his behavior does make a lot of sense from the CPTSD point of view - and it is even called out by other character. Which kinda makes me think that at least some of it was intended.

Either way: I am rather thinking the man has a lot of healing to do post-canon. Because he not only has to heal from the stuff that happens to him in the series, but also the entire childhood trauma, that so very clearly is not addressed.

And if he addresses that trauma, there will also be a point in which he has to face his guilt. Because that is very much another thing he has not yet done.

Anyways. I adore him. And I want him to be alright. Q-Q

[dr-george-ordell]

Page 91 of "For Your Own Good Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence." by Alice Miller, 1980 - (Am Anfang war Erziehung, 1980) / Chapter 7 of "Another Time" by @imadewritingmyjob on Ao3.

Theres so much I can analyse from chapter seven in regards of Julius, and the interesting language he uses which was highlighted in this post. It's clear in Julius' speech highlighted in the post that he is both parroting his own fears about what he could be himself, a "pansy" or "weak", descriptors that Julius despises in others, and most certainly fears to be true about himself.

Alongside the quote "The child's plasticity, flexibility, defenselessness and avaliablity make it the ideal object for this projection," particularly stuck out in regards to Aaron, since in AT as a child he has a heightened sensitivity to his surrounding, compared to Franklin due to being a much younger child and also autistic, and Julius definitely did not like to deal with that further vulnerability of his younger son, hence treated him much much worse as a result of that fear and disgust Julius holds.

It also implies failure on his part to "toughen" Aaron up as well, and in his mind he is too perfect to "fail" to parent the desirable son. Instead in Julius' own mind, its soley the child's (Aaron's) fault for his own flaws, as it is believed and stated in the practice of poisonous pedagogy Miller speaks about.

And so punishment and retribution is the only way Julius expresses his negative feelings of that failure and percived disobedience/disrespect from Aaron, in the form of those training sessions, not to truly prepare Aaron from the horror's he'd seen at war, but rather punish and also discipline what Julius sees as a part of himself which is wholly unprepared, something which the older man cannot allow, lest he allow an extention of himself and also his property to be harmed in the process.