#cw exorsexism

[lena-kelley-oiar]

She would hate this. She would hate me if she knew about this. I would have been a disappointment already for rejecting the role of a man she wanted me to take on so badly, but to reject my nature as well...she would have beat these thoughts right out of me as soon as she found out. I can't even imagine the amount of prayers she'd make me recite, before she'd finally be satisfied, having banished the delusion of androgyny from the son God gave her.

[gor3sigil]

I really need y'all to understand that answering to transmascs who complain about being invisible "yeah but see, transfems are being actively murdered so you have it easier" is batshit. Because one of the hardest part of being invisible is that transmascs are, too, being actively murdered, but we don't know who the victims are, if we even know it happens at all.

One time I got told that transmascs don't deal with homelessness and involuntary sex work and when I said that every transmascs I know have dealt with both in one way or another, myself included, I got told "that's just your surroundings, in a grander scheme that's false". How fucking cruel can you be ?

You think I don't see trans men and transmasc people scattering newspapers and the web every year during TDOR because the ones we lose are almost never on the fucking lists ? And we should be happy and glad we don't know about them ? It isn't bliss to live knowing that if some of my friends die they'll most likely be misgendered and you can't do shit about it. It's not peaceful to see how trans men and transmascs' deaths are always downplayed, treated like it's not the Real Brutal Deaths that deserve to be adressed (and don't tell me nobody says that, I've been in queer spaces long enough).

We shouldn't be asking for basic fucking decency from our peers. Don't treat us as disposables.

[velvetvexations]

you’ll see a trans boy be like “i dont personally have the power to oppress you” and then later the same day 3 of their little trans boy friends will start calling you out for making the first trans boy cry so hard he almost died (by disagreeing with him) and then all the cis women in the space will instantly side with the fragile little boys against the scary big [t-slur] who uses intimidating words like “transmisogyny” and thats how the whisper network against you starts, leading to far reaching professional and social consequences that never leave you

This didn’t happen.

Not this way, at least. All marginalized people are at all times at risk of being canceled unfairly. Their marginalization tends to play a major part in that, obviously. Trans women get hit with it a lot and that fucking sucks, and some transmascs are in TERF-y circles and can theoretically use that against transfems should they feel the need to.

This that I’m quoting, however, is a fantasy. It’s a page from a dream journal. People are giddily imagining things like this happening because they live in a world where trans women are feared and have their reputations ruined by lies, and they want to exploit that for their own benefit. The best way of doing this is putting themselves above other trans people, because cis people don’t give enough of a fuck to care or get involved with these bullshit arguments, but if you whine about other marganalized people they will actually be affected by it and forced into the conversation you created out of thin air. It’s not so much a victimization complex as it is a death cult fascination with the misery of transfemininity identical to the TERF obsession with fymyl suffering, defining ‘trans woman’ as 'the thing that feels pain always and forever.’

It’s disgusting and I can’t imagine identifying with such a sniveling and pathetic vision of what being a trans woman is like. It’s so undignified it makes my skin crawl. It’s embarrassing. There’s nothing in this crying little effigy covered in pins and needles I can relate to. I can’t tell if these people need more self-esteem or less. I’m so fucking tired of this wounded gazelle shit.

But for the TRF, transfemininity is all about the abuse. Just look at the beyond absurd assertion, made over and over again, that trans women are maliciously called the t-slur by other trans people. That’s just. No? No. But in claiming that the t-slur can only ever refer to trans women, and that transfeminine suffering takes priority above all else because everyone forever at all times hates trans women more than anyone else, it again becomes necessary to construct this false vision of intercommunity dynamics where “scary big t-slur” is a stereotype that exists within the community in the first place, and which trans men are constantly using against trans women.

It’s just so blatantly selfish for one to act like a transfeminist when all one does every single day is bitch about other trans people. We’re all about to get fucked harder than ever and there are people who profess to sincerely believe they’re fighting the revolution by making up lies about their siblings. I’m easily triggered by transphobia outside of the community and yet even I manage to engage with actual transphobes and make them considerably less transphobic, yet people who don’t even know enough about what TERFs believe to understand they hate men too will fritter the day away on how they could theoretically be canceled if they did something bad ,and wouldn’t that be the worst thing ever? Oh, what if I broke up with someone and our mutual friends believed I was the jerk, because that’s a situation that exclusively happens to poor helpwess twans women and the mere suggestion I could possibly be a jerk in the first place is unthinkable? Hate to keep saying this, but trans women are being actually murdered and this obsessive fixation on “social murder” within the trans community exists purely to spice things up with a feeling of danger because the spaces we’ve managed to carve out for ourselves are otherwise a little too safe and it feels more authentic to the Laura Palmer Ultimate Victim narrative. Massively popular transfems with over ten thousand followers will happily sic them on people for the most upsettingly asinine reasons and then cry-type about how they’re the underdogs in every possible social situation.

But most obnoxious of all is the implication here that, because this can only happen to trans women, gossip and slander does not happen to other trans people, or other marginalized people in general.

That’s fucked, considering how much this discourse has attacked specific targets. It’s most maddening to see that “the coiner of the word transandrophobia has dykebreaking+detransitioning-of-transfems kink” has evolved to “most people who believe in transandrophobia have those kinks” because I constantly see TERFs making huge compilations of transfem blogs engaging in cis dykebreaking kink from the dom perspective. Just transfem dom blog after transfem dom blog enthusiastically into cis dykebreaking, which TERFs use to paint us in a way that fits their narrative.

Literally the only example they can ever give of a transandrophobia-connected person* being a dom for dykebreaking with transfem subs is someone who was being paid by a transfem. Detrans kink is overwhelmingly non-transfems, but almost exclusively as subs to either transfems or cis men, and those transfems aren’t getting paid for it, they actually are just in it for the love of the game. There’s nothing wrong with that, but people want to act like there is when it’s anyone else, and that’s not only weird but also setting up a bear trap to step in later.

Which gets to the point that, hey, wow, I’ve noticed a lot of cis women in particular who self-identify as TME are super into anti-shipping. You cannot possibly imagine you’re safe for trans women if your big issue with trans men articulating their oppression is “they masturbate evilly.” Popular transfem blogs will talk at length about how you shouldn’t judge transfems for their kinks but cis women are so eager to kinkshame transmascs that they not only make shit up out of thin air, but specifically copy and paste kinks almost entirely made up of transfems onto transmascs. Someday very soon a TERF is going to show them it’s much more convenient to be a general transphobe and not make special exceptions for the ones that use the same pronouns as you. They’re going to show your anti-ship cis lesbian friend one of those transfem dykebreaking blog compilations and she’ll take Trans Rights Are Human Rights out of her bio within the hour.

Like, even if you didn’t care about being monstrously inhumane to others, all of this is so against transfem self-interests in the long run, but people who consider themselves the most transfeminist transfeminists there are, of a radical nature, one might say, care more about notes than helping anyone, least of all the transfems they’re feeding into a grinder of paranoia and isolation. Especially the isolation.

It’s a little hard to take it seriously when I get accused of calling all trans women groomers for thinking it’s bad when people talk about “curing” other trans women’s “comphet,” how “TMEs” are obligated to bottom for them to compensate for transmisogyny, and writing long treatises on why it’s one’s moral responsibility to throw forcefem kink at random men because they may like it. Like, am I saying trans women are groomers, or am I saying some people use being members of a marginalized community to be kinna gross? People somehow find it in them to be angry at gay men who cross boundaries in spite of the messaging that they’re all sex abusers for the past two hundred years. Especially since 90% of the concern is for other trans women.Like, sorry, but I care enough about trans women that I’m going to say something if I think you’re putting them in a bad situation, and someone being a trans woman doesn’t make them immune to that. But oh, it does if you assume that this is all just common sense transfeminism, and I am in fact making this accusation of most trans women instead of an extremely niche group.

Never mind that in the screencap people use to accuse me of calling trans women “rapists” I was saying something a self-identified TME said was coercive, and whose identity as a Not a Trans Woman I explicitly noted.** Never mind that I’m the not the one telling people to name their blogs after the original transbian separatist group that famously fell apart after resulting in heavy sexual abuse. Never mind that I have said over and over again that TRFs act no more entitled to people’s bodies than lesbian TERFs who treat people they perceive as women the same way.

But I’m supposed to believe that those cis anti-shippers who post things like “every time someone says kinks are fine they’re just protecting predators in the LGBT community” is a great ally and I’m a traitor because they hate men and I don’t?

Sorry, no, not a traitor. A “pickme begging to be beaten to death with hammers.” Who’s probably not even actually a trans woman. Great transfeminism, yall. You’re really fighting transmisogyny.

It’s especially galling now that TRFs have taken to calling transandrophobia “reactionary,” the most bullshit possible way to call a group that includes a huge number of PoC, who they constantly accuse of tokenization, a pack of Nazis. What is transandrophobia reacting to? Bigotry? Golly gee, I guess so! Or maybe it’s “reacting” to transmisogyny as part of the completely absurd idea that trasnmascs steal everything from transfems. Like, yeah, sure girliepop, and we stole misogyny from cis women, right? Sorry you failed to not sound exactly like a TERF yet again but maybe try again tomorrow and you’ll finally earn not being called a radfem.

But isn’t it sooooo mean of me to compare a small amount of trans women to radfems? Like their oppressors? Well, first of all, they regularly refer to Jewish people as Nazis, discourse aside that they do that is simply a true fact which shows they indeed think it’s possible to justify comparisons like that, although in their case it’s just because it feels like getting off a sick burn and rhetorical W to go “ah, but what if this Jewish person…was a Nazi? Checkmate, Zionists.”

Secondly, for as much as TRFs want to claim TERFs only hate them, that’s simply not true and I have conclusively proven this with basic use of Tumblr’s search function and the tag “radblr.” Twice. If you believe they love transmascs and only want what’s best for them, congratulations dipshit, you fell for their propaganda so hard I’m surprised they haven’t managed to convince you you’re not a woman. Or is it only an obvious lie when it’s about you?

Most annoyingly, just on a personal level, is the way TRFs get pissed off at non-transfem feminine AMAB people for daring to exist. The idea that femboy is a slur for trans women would be laughable if it weren’t grotesque in it’s ignorance. The things I’ve read people say about how transmisogynistic it is for an anime character to be a crossdressing man instead of a trans woman are just infuriatingly racist. Not everything is about you and it’s not actually a big deal if people talk about others once in blue moon.

The constant posts about how non-transfems are evil for not making more transfem headcanons, or for headcanoning the TRF’s favorite canonically male character wrong, are particularly childish. I can’t even go into MY favorite blorbo’s tag without seeing people call transmasc headcanons of him inferior literary analysis completely without irony, and every single time they shit like this, they do it while making up the most convoluted and nonsensical explanations for why the character can only be transfem instead, as though the hostility is defensiveness born out of their particular blorbo requiring a lot of creativity to headcanon that way, necessitating going to war to prove they can’t really be a man to assert it as The One Truth. Then they’ll complain until the fucking heat death of the universe about how everyone loves transmasc headcanons because of transmisogyny.

It’s the same unbearable on-sight hostility as when a TERF sees a child on the subway and goes home to type up a novel of a post on how he had the eyes of a future wife-beater, and it’s so irritating to see it spread from one corner to another. Literally, TRFs say that trans men will always turn on trans women and eventually detransition to wield their wymbnly power against us, and I’m expected to not see that as having severe hang-ups about people born into what they want to transition into and have denied to them by society’s transphobia?

What about the fact that they constantly mock AFAB trans people in ways specifically targeting that trait, calling non-binary people “theyfabs,” joking it’s easy to misgender trans men when they have large breasts, and reduce transmasc stereotypes to feminine “soft bois?” Like, yeah, okay, you’re not projecting any gaping insecurities you may have about assigned sex and gender roles when you say transmasc music is ukuleles and transfem music is heavy metal, next tell me about how transmascs all enjoy tea parties and transfems all go to football games.

But it’s not even mostly trans women who keep this shit alive in the first place. A higher percentage of total trans women on this site are into this framework, but the total number of non-transfem trans people and cis women so outweighs them in the first place that it cancels that out. Like, if x is higher than y, and x% of trans women on Tumblr agree but only y% of “TME” people do, that’s still a movement mostly consisting of “TME” people. The full separatist angle would very quickly reveal how little air it has to burn if trans women truly only had themselves to watch out for each other. Unfortunately, self-identified TMEs are much more likely to get TERFier rather than simply less TRF-y when the spell breaks and they realize how fucked up this shit is, while the people who’ve been batted at continue to exercise the patience of a saint and continue to fight for trans women anyway.

And that! Is what hurts! The most! The fact that people do not care about transmascs and in particular the ones who believe in transandrophobia are constantly tripping over themselves to defend and help trans women as much as they possibly can. I wish people saw that. I wish that mattered. It’s like watching a black hole suck up an endless font of goodwill and love. And then going “lol reactionary transandrobros hate trans women.”

That’s it, though, the great irony of it all is that if it were true, it’d never have become popular in the first place. It’s kept aloft by self-identified TMEs who are well-meaning if not especially good at critical thinking, except for the the contingent that are convinced trans men are all misogynistic because they personally are, or even outright seem to get gender euphoria from the idea they have male privilege. But for whatever reason, if “TME” folks didn’t care? The people making up elaborate tales of their potential (social) murder would have to find some other way to get attention.

I suggest throwing on a big red nose and joining a circus.

*and I specify “transandrophobia-connected” but you’d have a hard time rustling up transmasc doms in general from those scenes

**also, despite it being something I saw with my own eyes, I notably did not even feel it hit the level of needing to directly name someone as being who I was basing my assessment of sexual coercive behavior on as being sexually coercive, because I think it's much more a prevalent attitude of pressure in sexual contexts than individual behavior

[agendercryptidlev]

I'm afraid to report transmedicalism is alive and well in the trans community in 2024

For context, Lottie (@/sirgaggle) is a trans man who posted this drawing of his trans man OC Juliana

these are some more responses he got for the crime of drawing a gnc trans guy

We should be ashamed that this is the state of the trans community right now. Do better.

[heartless-aro]

Does anyone else find it sort of upsetting how widely popular House M.D. has seemingly become in online queer spaces with how violently acephobic and intersexist it is? Like, I don’t want to pretend that it’s only queerphobic towards aces and intersex people, because the show definitely engages in its fair share of early-2000s-typical casual transphobic and homophobic language, and I do think it’s pretty biphobic that, from what I remember of the show, they made 13 (the one canonically bisexual character) a promiscuous party girl tm.

But the show is extremely vitriolic towards intersex and asexual people, and I wish that the people who treat it like a haha funny toxic yaoi show would at least fucking acknowledge that. The show actively reinforces the ideas about intersex bodies which are used to justify the nonconsensual mutilation of intersex children. And the way the show treats asexuality is abysmal. I saw someone on here once say that it’s “funny” that House is canonically aphobic, as if it’s just a joke that the House episode about asexuality actively supports the idea that asexuals are all either liars or medically unwell and in need of “fixing”. Why is pro-conversion therapy rhetoric suddenly funny when it’s directed towards us?

I’m not saying that no one is allowed to enjoy the show at all. Hell, I used to really enjoy it too, at least before I got to the asexuality episode (shortly after finding out I’m ace and before I had ever seen even a single other representation of asexuality in mainstream media). But like. Can people at least stop outright ignoring the absolutely detrimental effects this show had on the ace community and the intersex community?

[dyspunktional-leviathan]

If you are a lesbian and are into nonbinary people who are not women, you are a mspec lesbian.

Signed, a fucking nonbinary lesbian (because I’ve fucking seen people claim that saying liking enbies as a lesbian means you’re mspec erases nonbinary lesbians what the actual fuck). I’m not your spicy woman.

Especially with a lot of you very much specifically talking about lesbianism as liking women when you’re not talking about some specific enby you’re into.

[looks-to-the-moon-cock]

Stop kinkshaming people who are into forcefem/masc, you puritan

Yeah, no, I wasn't. I was saying to not make jokes about it without a damn filter because it can entail mutilation for intersex people (cis and trans) as well as gender bioessentialism and exorsexism to not binary gendered and/or gnc folks. Fuck off.

[pet-shop-of-horror-fan]

actually i'm gonna send this here so i stop replying on punkitt's post, but god why is your entire personality just THIS. you don't need to spend every waking moment online debating people on tumblr over fucking everything. sometimes you have to accept that people are stupid assholes and you actually can't change their opinion, and you are genuinely just rotting your brain by spending so much of your energy doing this when you could be doing positive things for yourself. also, not EVERYTHING is super deep and you don't have to send snide posts to random users who reblog dumb memes because it mentioned something about brain damage, because honest to god it's not that deep. and again, was not midgendering you in that reply. i know you're nonbinary because it's in your fucking bio, but calling people king or queen is a funny meme word, and i felt like queen was a more gendered term IN MY LOGIC. anyway i'm genderqueer so no i wasn't midgendering you on purpose for fucks sake. i'm gonna stop thinking about this conversation or this account because i actually love myself (lie) and don't want to torture myself with tumblr brain rot arguments unlike certain people.

Mate, you just sent me hate mail to say what a vile self-destructive bastard you assume I am because I told someone not to use brain damage jokes and I told you not to call me king.

I did not say you misgendered me on purpose. I gave you a boundary and you got offended by that.

So, now I am going to say that you purposefully misgendered me because you just described how you did and you are mad that I said not to do that.

Side note, saying Your Majesty is not only gender neutral but also funnier to say sarcastically.

Anyway, I know you don't care that brainrot is an ableist term but you did just call a learning disabled person that after already misgending them as a genderqueer.

Is that how you go about all arguments? Personally insulting them while accusing the person of being bad and claiming you did nothing wrong then dropping in that you hate yourself?

Note how I am asking a question based on your actions towards me and not just jumping to conclusions based on nothing.

Update Edit: creep-online has given me an apology for misgendering me and for insulting me. This can be seen in the comments.

[raraeavesmoriendi]

fun new game:

ask cis people why it wouldn’t just make more sense for them to disclose what kind of genitals they will and won’t be intimate with on a first date, rather than waiting around for a trans person to disclose that they’re trans.

in my experience, they really, really don’t want to answer that question, even when they’re a dedicated bigot.

[magicalqueersarah]

Saying "testerone is poison" is T*RF rhetoric. It makes it harder for transmasc and other queer people to access (often life-saving)hrt and implies that amab trans people are harmful if they're not using or don't want hrt.

[velvetvexations]

"trans women can call non-binary AFAB people theyfabs because it's like Black people calling white people cracker"

white people enslaved Africans for hundreds of years that came with not just forced labor but all the other horrific crimes that come part and parcel with it as well, followed by another century and a half of lynching, disenfranchisement, willful civic neglect, discrimination, capitalist exploitation, erasure, and the prison-industrial complex which comes close to bringing it full circle back to slavery, just to get to a relatively liberal utopia previously thought impossible where all of that is still happening but at least it's mostly just the police doing the murdering

do you

think

AFAB non-binary people

are comparable to white people in this situation?

[gor3sigil]

Imma be so real with you, the way some of y'all react to this is WEIRD.

Some of y'all are taking this way too far, and what was a simple anecdotal vent post became a political stance out of nowhere.

To talk about MY experience and PLEASE read this correctly, it is MY, MY OWN experience, I have been in abusive relationships with cis men AND women, trans women AND men, have seen shit from all over the board just by being in certain spaces.

I had a cis girlfriend who took advantage of me.

I had a trans girlfriend put me through every type of abuse under the fucking sun.

I had a trans boyfriend put me through emotional trauma.

I had a cis boyfriend sexually abuse me.

If I listen to some of you, or I never leave my house and connect with anyone ever again, or I'm basically against everyone and think that every possible group (and I just talked about binary groups and not about other gender umbrellas that I've known IRL who did absurd BS) is abusive and don't deserve basic respect.

I'm seriously considering deleting this post because y'all JUMPED on it like crazy and made every assumptions under the sun about me, my beliefs, and fucking hell get a grip. I have seen very interesting points made but for real you need to seriously take a step back wow.

The only thing I want to say is get the FUCK over yourselves.

Seriously.

One evening, I was at the LGBTQIA center for a trans committee and I was the only trans man in attendance. One trans woman told me she never understood how I could want to be a "disgusting man".

Later that evening, she told me she'd love to swap bodies with me (I was pre T, pre op and didn't bind). I told her I didn't understand why she'd want to have the body of a "disgusting man".

She called me transmisogynistic.

Oh, the irony.

[dyspunktional-leviathan]

I am tired of being nice about people pulling a trans version of “we’re still going to call it women’s issues”

You are not including all trans people (either as a whole or of given agab) when you’re saying transmasc/transfem

You are not even including all trans people (either as a whole or of given agab) when you’re saying stuff like transmasc/transfem and unaligned because someone can be exlusively aligned to their agab and still face the same fucking transphobia! And yes they are trans, if they themself define themself as such, and not a cis person receiving “misdirected” transphobia!

I am tired of seeing stuff and wanting to say hey this affects us too but thinking, I’m doing whataboutism, but I’m not fucking doing whataboutism I am being excluded, purposefully or not

[looks-to-the-moon-cock]

Does altersex fall under the "perisex trying to be intersex" shit or no? I think it does with how it gets used.

No. It doesn't. It really really doesn't. It's just the fact that there is perisex people that use "intersex" as their descriptor and it's plainly just a perisex person misusing the word intersex in their context. There ARE altersex perisex people who do misuse intersex on purpose but most do not. I dunno where you got the idea that Altersex is Intersexist, but I suggest looking at altersex posts from people that discuss the label. =/

[gor3sigil]

I stg every time a cis person (and even a trans person, btw) clocks me, they ALWAYS bring up my voice. I can't count how many times I've heard "oh yeah I picked up that T voice !" and let me tell you: this isn't a fucking compliment.

If you're ever interested as to why the "t voice" is clockable, from my speech therapist who is a trans man, is because usually the voice takes YEARS to drop and because it comes more slowly, people have the time to adjust their way of talking, singing, using their voice in general. For trans people on HRT, what should take years takes only months (most of the time, it depends on the dosage you're in, how your body reacts to HRT etc), the larynx drops dramatically, and because you've spent years using your voice a certain way, you have to relearn how to use it in a way where it doesn't tire it out, crack it, and if you don't you tend to have that raspy voice.

To talk about clocking in general, even if you're trans yourself, if you clock someone, no, you fucking don't. If someone says their pronouns and that doesn't match the assumed pronouns you had in your head for them, stfu and do NOT question it, because yeah there's transphobia/misgendering but I've also heared other trans people say "can I ask why you use [pronouns] ?" And like... be so fr.

One last thing I want to talk a bit about is I saw some trans people recently trying to make a "mutual ethical contract" between trans people who said on the first clause "If a trans person says something you don't like, do not call them out on it publicly because it can put the person in danger".

And I'm not sorry one bit: that isn't going to happen. Mind you, some of these people who wrote down this "contract" had no issues putting out disgusting anti-transmasculinity shit, and also, if you're saying some bullshit, other trans people have every right to call you out on it.

No, it doesn't excuse harassment.

No, it doesn't mean you have to dogpile on said person.

No, it doesn't mean that from now on this person is "cancelled", unredeamable and don't deserve any chances to take back what they said or do.

It's just fucking common sense. But telling people: "X person said some horrendous shit ? Just stfu :)" isn't it.

Sorry for the ramble but like, we're in this shit together, we need to all be better for one another. Really.

sometimes I wonder if people remember that:

'tranny voice' - even shortened to 't voice' - was something that specifically targeted trans men and like, the whole brand of harassing 'transtrenders' applied to trans men as equally as it did trans women, and our king [sarcasm] kalvin garrah was the main driving force of anti-trans masculine rhetoric such as 'you can't have big boobs' 'you can't like your boobs' 'you can't wear colours' 'you can't dye your hair' 'you can't be effeminate' 'tranny voice' 'you can't have a weird name' 'you can't be disabled' 'a real trans man wouldn't say that' and so on, bolstered by mega transphobes blair white and arielle scarcella

when we're told we aren't actually targeted in any specific way when, yes actually, we were and are targeted in specific ways, but the only people who talk[ed] about it were other trans men, trans mascs, and nonbinary people who were specifically targeted by this trans medicalist rhetoric, and then trans women who stood up for us were [and still are] told that they were 'forcibly transing little girls'

[lena-kelley-oiar]

Was I really born like this, or did I become this way at some point? Did something make me this way? Am I just broken? No- That's stupid, I know I'm broken, but is that why I'm...like this?