#cuz this stuff made me cry
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One Day I Will Return To Your Side: Disco Elysium and Hauntology
#will to live#disco elysium#hauntology#communism#de#de spoilers#disco elysium spoilers#screencaps arent mine#article isn't either obviously#just felt like sharing#cuz this stuff made me cry#and filled me with hope#be vigilant#i love you
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You look better this way. What way? Nothing. I couldn't get a hold of you for days. Did you work undercover in the school and help Zherui investigate?
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 08
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userspicy#pdribs#userrain#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#'what do you care?' first of all. THE JAW CLENCH. second of all. chen yi why do you care?#he doesnt have to explain because he and ai di have been by each other's sides their whole lives#its impossible to put into words Why Chen Yi Cares bc their identities their whole beings are intrinsically tied together#and him sternly reminding ai di of that by only saying ai di's name....good stuff#cuz. huh. its almost like chen yi waking up and ai di Not Being There is his worst nightmare#what if we made that a plot point! a h a#HES WORKING IT OUT but its HARD to DO SO when again. their identities are tied together. it's a chen yi-ai di tangle#& while chen yi knows there are things ai di doesnt tell him he doesnt know the root feelings bc ai di hides them so well#ai di NEEDED to show his True vulnerable face to chen yi...he needed to sleep with him and he needed to cry#& leaving again (only days after this scene! (which was bc chen yi drunk-kissed him!)) was the final snap inside chen yi to make him SEE#the real ai di that'd been there all along. (while ai di used prison as another excuse to avoid him & the vulnerability he'd just exposed)
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Its Soooooo Fucking Over
#Ive Captioned Like 3 Things That#The Perfect Object Show#Tpos#Neon Sign Tpos#Tpos Neon Sign#Supercomputer#Super Computer#Super Computer Tpos#Supercomputer Tpos#Uuuuuuh I Watched the New DHMIS TV Show It Made Me Cry and Then The Edibles Hit Like and Truck and Now Its#Almost 6 am Im Seeing if I Can Stay Up Till Its Light Out to Go On a Walk#Lyrics are From Beep Beep By Raycoalfaxx Tho Thats Not the Song I Associate Wit This#The Song I Was Specifically Working With Was Fine By Midnight Which Dont Have Lyrics Online#No One Listens to Ray Xoalfaxx But Me#I Fuckin LOOOOOOOOOVE Tpos I Love Tpos#One of My Top 5 Shows Honestly I Fucking Love You Tpos#Dreamy Art#Oh Yeah I Tried 3d On This Cuz Ive Been Talkin With Dez Awseriously and Nio Schoolunxhtray and They Both Do#Really Cool 3d Art Stuff a s Ive Been Meaning to Try it For a While and I Was Like Damn Take a Bite Outta It Nkw or Never
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Since you mentioned aus, consider: swap au where sparrows is the iterator (three sparrows prob fits the iterator naming scheme) and caper is an ancient, idk how you would extend his name tho
my god!!! tryin to figure out how to make curly hair with those kind of things almost killed me. either way i have no fuckin clue what his name as an Ancient would be either,,, but i love this sm, Euros looks so much like a frat boy i can't get over it
i am so fuckin mad tho i forgot that i have lore surrounding Ancients and hand mutilation fuckin dang it- imagine that he has cybernetic grey hands
god.
#Spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#'Euros would have curly hair' is so strongly rooted in my brain... i havent even thought bout a gijinka for him properly yet but This fact-#-i Know. hed be like... the most beauty standards complying high circle Ancient Ever... dull teeth no tail thin just right when it comes-#-to height... which i find very funny cuz normal Sparrows could snap him in half like a twig even tho hes a head taller. ah yes. love.#this was fun tho... it made me realize that A!Caper HAS to look like a frat boy ass but hed cry over the idea of havin kids out of pure-#-love. hed probably work as some communication officer. iterator Sparrows has no idea what shes doin n does Not Like This Religion#I!Sparrows: -finishes One iteration- can i go home now | somebody: you ARE home | I!Sparrows: ... | I!Sparrows: can i get a new home
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Do mechanites cry?
#rolling with difficulty#vrla rwd#mrsn rwd#vr la rwd#mr sn rwd#art i made#yet another thing i drew then just fully forgot to post LMAO#man i had to listen to 3.7 like 3 times for this. goddammit#easter egg: the 4 big infernal books in the shelf all say contract law like its a textbook series i guess#the small one next to them says Doctor Faustus bc i was looking to my irl bookcase for inspiration#and the christopher marlowe play was one of my alevel lit texts#also i think it would be really funny if the devils have their own version of the story of the deal with the devil guy#honestly this may have been the kinda. last straw of my burnout cuz this was a lot of time spent on a lot of stuff im really not good at#and none of it turned out... exactly how i wanted but oh well. it is what it is#ok the kinda annoying thing about me spending far too fucking long drawing super emotional scenes like this is i kinda#desensitise myself to whatever im drawing. like i felt it the most with the demon possession comic i casually tossed into the discord#bc thats the exact kinda angst i personally LOVE but it just doesnt have the same punch after ive been staring at it for 5 hours straight#(anyway go read cal's fic about it its on ao3 and its bloody good)#all this to say. when i first listened to 3.7 and austin had that exchange of like#'noir can i ask you a lore question' 'sure..?' 'do mechanites cry?'#i straight up got fuckin CHILLS. and sometimes i forget that but i try to force myself not to
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opened up minecraft on my computer for the first time in like over a year i think nd got so so fucking scared cuz it was saying i didnt own it anymore (turns out i just logged into my bedrock account on accident) and then we had to deal with trying to figure out how to even log into my java account and we almost thought we completely lost it or smthn
#i dont really care abt my worlds being lost thats happened. so many times over the years i dont rllycare anymore#plus i barely spend much time in single player worlds anymore so im not as attached to them as i used to be#but oh my god i havent even logged onto lgl in like a year??? two years???????? i dont remember anymore but like if i lost all my stuff and#had to walk ALL THE WAY BACK if i ever logged on again id cry#<- this sounds so stupid typing jt out but like#i dont care that much its just��� soooooo much and id feel rlly bad for gizmo especially cuz itd be such a setback#im already a huge liability when it comes to playing on there im ass at this game and constantly lose stuff#inquisitivewaltz.txt#oh yah ‘we’ is me nd my dad cuz i donttttttt know the login info for my account#well. i didnt. i do now cuz we had to reset the password#<- he made my account for me way back in. uh i dont remember when we got java but like it was all jsut set up for me when he got it it was#like a surprise thing for doing good a state testing or something#whenever ive had to log back onto the launcher or whatever over the years ive asked him for the password and it was one of the autogenerate#ones so i never remmebered it#rlly stupid of me looking back but oh well its in the past now#seriously thougj that was so needlesly difficult#mostly my dads fault he had like fifty million different login information combinations saved for the same thing
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the unsleeping city s1e15 hall of heroes
(richard siken voice) you're in a maserati with a beautiful boy,
#i debated whether it was funnier to put brennan or siken in the parentheses#its possible that either way it is only funny to me#anyway ive been crying about esther sinclair being freed from her curse and allowing herself to love#(or to be more accurate allowing herself to thirst lmao)#i swear to gd they better get airtime as a couple in s2. i had to stop watching fhsy bc the zelda stuff made me so upset#that being said i do have to watch times squaremaggedon first. im putting it off cuz i dont want s1 to be over#anyway ive gone on too long. thanks for reading hope you enjoyed#avi speaks#the unsleeping city#richard siken#ricky matsui#esther sinclair
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man why does my family treat me like im not a human :(((
#Like bro i get it you all just woke up but like#I did not sleep at all + i was studying which made my brain numb#and when i wake up all annoyed you all tell me i got attitude issues???#And lets ignore how my sisters literally TORTURE me to wake me up#And when im quiet all day yall ask me to talk???#Dude talk about what you guys dont even want to listen to me?#and then when i talk to myself and inanimate objects you all start thinking i have a boyfriend?#what is that logic 😻😻😻#maybe start considering me as a human who actually gets hurt and feels stuff ill start acting normal again#in the meantime#keep on using me for only your own purposes and talk to me when it concerns you only#and think of me doing stuff for you all as a “responsibility” that i have#BECAUSE IM NOT A HUMAN !!!#and ofc only my sister is stressed about her exams because i dont cry about it like her#oh no no wait till you find out what i actually did the whole past year cuz#i was so emotionally frustrated and brimming with all that ew emotions that i had to take out out somehow#its a shame how i think they know yet they dont care
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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got a friend request whos profile comment was just "belial..."
#stardust speaking !#i am sharing this precious knowledge cuz i saw it and started laughing i hope they keep with the game#(person with a million blogs) would u still love me if i made a billion blogs#me horrified looking at how little ive posted here the past months vs how much bs i talk on the other ones#sevilbarras event made me cry btw. im nvr super on board with plot points like what happened but. i sure did cry#the lines about 'now you get to see me in my wedding dress' and 'this is my husband' ruined me. like. i was a wreck#ch6 ended me#also gbf using more povs and stuff like that#like with how it started leaning into a conversation rather a monologue was rly good#cant believe sevilbarra became an uncle just like that#GALANTHALUS IS SO....may we get more lore right now i think its superfascinating#honestly rly good event series highly reccommend both events tbh
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It's pretty annoying having to scan basically every artist for i/cest shit in any media that has siblings because most of them hide it on alt accounts/platforms/sly tags and that's a big reason why I'm too burnt out on reblogging art
#literally the word 'pr/ship' feels so dumb to me like it's just gross shit#it's why i fell hard out of submas since if that wasn't the case the 'neutral' artists supported it/stayed quiet#like holy shit I've found a good few artists here on twitter being into that nasty shit just by scrolling#like i shouldn't have to find out on another app on accident to see the person I'm supporting caters to that garbage#'we want to be left alone and ship what we want btw we're gonna violate everyone's boundaries because fuck the purists'#imagine thinking you're a victim because you make art of i/cest and make it your entire personality to consume that media-#and then purposely get into spaces where people are uncomfortable with it/getting joy out of that#'why not reblog stuff without doing it' cuz i don't want someone's shit on my page when they're actually a garbage person#i really don't understand 'lol the purists are upset' -> 'omg they're so mean to us' just because most people aren't on their side with it#literally an anon came into my partner's inbox taunting him about touching his stuff like a 6 year old#imagine preaching 'don't like don't look' but when normal people say 'don't touch my stuff' you reverse and cry 'it's not fair'#or saying how you're proud about the gross shit you make but you have alts to hide it/lie about it like 🤨 thought you were proud of it#it's just annoying when im looking for good trigun/submas/dmc/etc art and see the person who made it ships the twins#like cool#and it ends up becoming a long list and it becomes annoying to look for art to reblog#idk I'm bitching and it's something that's gross#rosebud posting 💐
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the touchstone pancake stuff not making sense is so true and something dt said he struggled with. he also has said he leaned into the comic beats and rhythm. Makes me really wish we had a recording of this touchstone, I know I’m biased towards the guy but he does have rly good comic timing and delivery (for instance, probably not as helpful for touchstone, but I watched a hignfy of his recently and he does seem to naturally be great at bringing out the humor)
yessss omfg. please god @ rsc free that potato quality recording from your archives. and yeah I Am Also Biased Towards Him but i genuinely feel like his comedic timing is a highlight of a lot of his shakespeare roles! like his hamlet is a silly little guy sometimes (imo this is completely true to the text. if your hamlet is serious and joyless a) you're boring and b) that's not a biblically accurate hamlet). he is THE funniest benedick ever. and his richard ii makes you laugh at certain points as well. and it's like, honestly shakespeare is deeply unserious at many many points and sometimes we need to laugh or else what is the point. and sometimes the words just don't make immediate sense bc the words are 400 yrs old and you just gotta laugh at the way the actor says the lines rather than what the words themselves mean
#i wonder how funny his macbeth will be. NOBODY tell me i want to at least keep some of it a surprise when i watch it#the general impression i get is that he's bringing more of his dead eyed creepy serial killer energy to the part#david tennant#ws#also i didn't mention it in the post bc it's delving into his audio-only shakespeare stuff#and i haven't had the time to consume all of it yet#but i fully in my heart do not believe i will EVER come across a funnier/more upsetting/embarrassing malvolio#he really made me feel the entire spectrum of human emotion on that one there is a reason i have not shut up abt it#2.2 made me laugh 2.5 had me laughing/crying/covering my face 3.4 made me cringe harder than ever before and 4.2/5.1 made me sob#the perfect malvolio. i desperately hope he gets to play him on stage but i also hope he doesnt cuz the effects on me will be catastrophic#also umm whoever sent me this anon. thank you for indulging me i love talking abt this
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Being an American with poor mental health means praying you survive elections week with no further hits to said mental health
That said, do NOT be surprised if I am on here less often post Tuesday/starting Tuesday
#personal#fun (well not so fun) fact: 2016 results made me want to stab myself in the chest with a kitchen knife#and that scared me so I tried to calm myself down while working on one of my beloved OCs#but I was crying and kinda shaky while doing so#in fact I think I shall block tags to limit what I see cuz I’m really only on here for Sonic stuff as of late#even though I’ve been seeing lovely one piece and hxh stuff too
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i have loved ur fics so far and i think many other people have too ❤️ don’t feel like u have to write but know that i’ll be eating up whatever you publish and i have been in and out of your ask box all excited for the past few weeks to talk about our lord and saviour oscar ❤️❤️❤️
thank you darling anon <333 i really and truly appreciate it and i have loved !!! the dropping in on my ask box <3 i really do want to write i have so many ideas but im in this slump where i open them and instead of writing i look at them like. is this even worth the effort. which IS silly and feels rather childish typing it out bc i do know some ppl like things i write. and also bc if i don’t write im just going to walk around terribly haunted by ideas that will only be exorcised by writing them down. and yet… posting fic kinda feels like i’ve put a message in a bottle and tossed it out to sea hoping for the best. i get a couple messages back and they’re wonderful and much appreciated but mostly it feels like the bottle just sank sight unseen. worry not im sure lightning will strike and i will be back to tossing bottles into the ocean, i just need to throw them against walls while screaming for a bit (sorry for . throwing bottles against this ask. this metaphor has escaped me)
#i can’t even articulate this very well sorry </3#it’s so goofy but i really do open up docs and then just.#start thinking abt how many hours it’ll take to write something im proud of just to feel. empty and weirdly enough lonely?#after posting.#idek what the solution is. write better? write stuff ppl like more? stop writing?#and i do get that like my writing is not the greatest or most polished or punchiest#god knows i get frustrated w how clunky it feels at times.#so i’m not like. everyone has to like what i write or ELSE!#its just kinda lonely to write something just to get like . the loud silence of kudos#idk it’s so childish that typing this nearly made me cry lmfao#cuz i do treasure every single ask comment bookmark etc anyone ever deigns to give !!!!#i am so grateful!!! but i’m also just. turbo lonely both personally and creatively#ask#saved with love
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okaaaayyy finally watched I saw the tv glow :^)
#liked it a lot on a lot of levels. visuals n soundtrack n acting was great. rly subtle n cohesive n effective#i wanna sit with it a little to digest it and maybe rewatch#but unfortunately i didnt get the same emotional resonance a lot of ppl did from it.. possibly bc i was watching w other ppl#but i dont think its that i think i just struggle to connect meaningfully w things that are like. what if the choices u didnt make#alienated u from the world and ur sense of self n what if the life u were living was a hollow bubble separate from the real world etcetc#bc like yeah man im very aware of how unreal my life n the world around me feels at times. and it isnt bc im holding myself within#tight limitations/constraints in order to hide parts of me from myself or forcing myself to be smth im not in order to engage w society#like im just mentally ill n the dissociation n derealisation are symptoms of that..#i can 100% understand why so many queer ppl feel so strongly abt it n the gender stuff implied in it#but thats just not my experience of queerness personally. its never been smth ive had to grapple with much#like yeah i havent fully figured out my gender shit. but im ok w that its not holding me back from living the life i want to be living#my sense of self is just so far divorced from my physical body and the physical world around me..... idk im too tired to articulate this#but that aside i did rly like it as a movie! and it was very heartbreaking.. just not in a way that struck me super personally#which i was rly hoping it would ahh sorry everyone 😔 but hey maybe thatll come after i think abt it some more#lots of cool effects too i liked the different ways they did the moon face thing. i liked how effective the whole distortion of memory#and nostalgia etc was done visually.. aesthetically very yummy. aw man..#i didnt even cry i was rly hoping it would make me cry...... :-(#makes me feel like im missing out on smth cuz everyone else ive seen talk abt it got hit so hard by it#just made my peace w being on the outside looking in i guess.. i shook out all my regrets and what-couldve-beens as a depressed teen#n now im just here to vibe forever..... 😌 i am toooooo tired to be typing i just keep saying the same thing over an dover probably#maybe a 7 or 8 out of 10 movie for me i think which is still pretty damn worth it#okayyy brushing my teeth and going to bed cuz i wanna go climbing tomorrow so need to rest up ‼️#sorry i dont want to rain on anyones parade genuinely did think it was a great movie im glad others are feeling it so intensely#ahhhh!!!!#.diaries
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so. um. 👉👈
hi guysies.
Ig I should just say like. Hi
I haven't been posting here as much cause. Idk. Might be depression? I keep thinking its cause I've been so busy, which also wouldn't be not untrue, but these past, like, 3 weeks I think so far? I've had some free time but I haven't cause. I dunno, then again, I haven't been doing too much in general? I gues, besides very mandatory things, hell I've even been lacking in my regular skyrim hours of playing.
That, and as said, I get super melancholic when I remember just how sad and bittersweet it is that t0h is. Actually legit over. The show and experience, that is.
Oh all that and also becuz my headphones broke! Fuck! That's like number 2 in my bare necessities for when I post, do almost anything really! It's seriously been painful this past month going without headphones holy shit. Dude I've been scratching at the bit for some relief for headphones, I NEED music legitimately. Even right now, as I'm typing this on my phone, my music is on low levels.
But yerp. Its been. Rough. Really rough. I really do appreciate yall, everyone of yall. Have a sweet week everyone, ✌️!
#the butts chronicles#ogh but yea. been rough.#as said I have no idea if we'll keep this house cause man shits been fucked#uhhhh. lets see. recently my sister got into a fairly nasty argument with her husband since they were both drunk and hes a bit of a. hm#quick to being mad guy? I spose? but yea they made up and he actually apologized to me and my family for that so. its okay?#OH YEA FUCK LOL a few weeks ago fuckin tecksas got hit nasty with a hurricane and GUYS. I FREAKED OUT SO BAD LOL#cuz there was hail with the rain but since. I dont think we even ever experienced hail here I was scared that my ceiling roof broke again#and that it was the rain leaking to my room ceiling and was about to burst my ceiling so I legit started hyperventilating and panicking#with like. short and heavy breathing and almost crying badly until I went to look outside and saw hail and only slightly calmed down#oh but yea it was nasty lol. then the next day almost the entire block lost power and apparently sparks were happening cause fallen trees#uhhh. lets see. hmmm. OH OH RIGHT DAMN I FORGOT WE GOT A PUPPY LOL#we've gotten a lil pup all the way back from dec? iirc and she is now older and a shit lol shes in her teething phase and whatnot#still p cute tho and very puppyish. oh yea also during dec our power went out and ogh man dec was so freezing literally.#almost as bad as the one from. uhhh I cant remember the exact year but I remember it being within these past 4 years at least cause I read#a t0h fic during it lol. oh yea speaking of. we also changed our light company and damn. its been not bad so far! we had to pay up to 300#in our old company and now we dont even get to 200 so far! hope Im not jinxing it! hmm oh did I already say before that I had to get a new#phone? cause I did and I did not enjoy it lol. had it for a while and now and its arguably worse cause no damn headphone plug-in#I think I did mention this but in case. I did finish counseling. well more accurately they required payments again since things and whatnot.#I think? I mentioned the stuff I got for my bday and chmisas. I got mostly neat stuff. I guess. one of them has still yet to arrive lol#uhhhh. hrm. I did get Mr. Martinet's autograph as a present! hrmmm#my other sister got another surgery a while back and its been relatively the same since. hmm. my only other living grandparent passed away#me and my ex got into a. not great argument cause mistakes and whatnot. raccoons in the attic thats hopefully taken care of for now#aaaaand the plushes I ordered a damn near year ago have been technically canceled cause of unfortunate circumstances for the creator#who just kinda. posts things now lol ig.#but yea. lots. holy shit guys. lots has happened. fuck man. I think Ive been way more tired than I thought.#not to mention the past weeks of just. reflecting. man#uhhh#long post#LOL i gues#but yerp.
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