#cuz I worried a lot about what people would think of each chapter before

[ollypopwrites]

Just some thoughts

[lildrabbles]

Chapter 5: Getting to know each other

2007! Raph x Female! Reader

Summary: It's been a long day, but you finally get to know more about the turtle.

Warnings: swearing

A/N: sorry for not updating in a couple days! Kinda forget about it, but I just needed to add a couple more things then I was done!

You were extremely tired by the time you got home. You had to take the subway, which was as usual, full of sketch heads. You fumbled with your keys when you arrived at your apartment door. You heard a door open from down the hall, making you look up. It was your nosey neighbour, Brenda.

"Oh hello there!" She smiled happily.

You smiled to be polite. "Hello Brenda." You quickly got back to fumbling with the lock so you didn't have to talk to her.

"So have you heard the news about this Nightwatcher? I think it's just crazy!" She said, walking over right beside you.

You cringed a little. "O-oh, yeah, it is crazy.."

"Well I personally think he should just stop, I mean it's the police job to do that kind of stuff! He's just putting more people in danger!" She exclaimed.

"Mmhmm.." You nodded before finally getting the key in the hole. "Well, I gotta get going-"

"And that whole thing about the police chase last night was absurd!"

"Yeah haha, ok I gotta-"

"Oh! And that new restaurant that opened in town, you and I should totally go some time for a girl's night!"

"Yes that would be great, but I really have to get going now." You finally managed to finish a sentence.

"Oh yeah of course, of course! Have a good night, hun!" She then turned away, flipping her hair as she walked back down the hall.

You groaned quietly as you walked in your apartment, slipping your shoes off as you relocked your door. You looked around. "Raph?" You called out, half expecting no answer.

To your surprise, you heard a "Through here!" With the gruff, Manhattan accent you had already somehow gotten used to, despite it only being a day.

You walked through to the living room to find him sprawled out on the couch looking at his sais.

"You're still here?" A hint of surprise in your voice.

"You said to stay, didn't ya?" He quirked an eyebrow up.

"Well yeah, I just didn't expect you to..."

"Listen? Yeah I get told that a lot." He said before throwing his sais down on the coffee table, then sitting up, winching a little but otherwise was fine.

You walked over and sat beside him. "What did you do all day?"

Raph shrugged. "Nothing really... I uh, took a bath earlier, if you don't mind."

"No of course not!" You smiled up at him.

He smiled a little back at you, before clearing his voice and looking away. "How was work?" He asked with a gruff voice.

"Eh, tiring." You shrugged, leaning back. He nodded. Silence fell over the both of you, until you decided to break it.

"So um.. when are you planning to go back to the sewers?"

"Depends, when will Doc Y/N declare me healthy again?" He smirked a little.

You giggled. "Well, you still need to let it heal, but... I mean, if your family is worried then it must be best to go back. Do you have first aid down there?"

He nodded. "Yeah, Don has some."

You looked up at him questioningly.

"Oh, he's uh, my brother. My other one is Mikey."

"Didn't you mention something about another brother?"

"Hm?" He furrowed his brows.

"Well, last night you said 'my brother's are probably worried about them, 2 of them at least' or something like that. So do you have more than 2 other brothers?"

He chuckled. "Well, aren't you observant?" He sighed. "My other brother, he's the oldest, his name is Leo, but.. he left a while ago, and I think he aint coming back for a while. Cuz he has to be 'worthy' or some shit." He scoffed.

"Oh..." You didn't wanna pry too much cuz he seemed upset about it, so you moved on with a different question. "So are you all turtles?"

Raph nodded. "Yep. Mutated freaks. Well, I guess there's my dad, too."

"Is he a turtle too?"

"Ah... no, actually. He's not our biological father, um... he's a mutated rat. We're just a family of mutants."

Your eyes widened a little. "Oh!" You then smiled. "Tell me more!"

He grinned a little, happy to finally have someone to talk to.

You both ended up talking for hours, asking each other questions. Raph knew he could trust you. Which was weird cuz he didn't usually ever trust anyone. But there was just someone about you that... he knew he could trust with his and his family's secret.

It was starting to get dark by the time you started running out of questions to ask.

You finally sighed. "Well, you probably wanna be heading back down to the sewers, huh?"

"Eh, yeah probably.. don't wanna worry my brother's TOO much." Raph chuckled.

You stood up and smiled. "Give me a minute, I have something for you and your family."

You then walked over to your kitchen area behind the counter, grabbing a random bag along the way. You started to pack some extra food you had, and some snacks for them as well as some drinks. You then grabbed a small piece of paper, writing your name and phone number on it before sticking it in the bag with the rest of the goods.

You quickly ran to your bathroom to grab your first aid kit and grabbed some extra bandages and gauze and ran back to stick them in the bag as well, just in case they ran out. When you were finished, you handed the bag to him.

He looked dumbfounded."Uh... Y/N this is great but I can't accept this, what about you-"

"Don't worry about me silly, I can buy stuff, you can't. Just... please, take it. My numbers in there too... j-just in case of an emergency or..."

"Or?" Raph tilted his head in confusion.

"... or maybe if you ever wanted to hang out again. You seem like a nice guy, and I would love to see you again other than just the news." You giggled a little.

He blushed a little. "Uh, y-yeah, I would like that too." He smiled. Actually being referred to as a guy and not a turtle mutant freak gave him a funny but enjoyable feeling in his stomach. After he realised what was happening he cleared his voice. "Well i best get going.."

"Right! Right.." You smiled awkwardly up at him while walking him to your window.

Before he stepped out onto the fire escape, he looked back at you. "And uh... I guess I should thank you, Y/N. You saved my life."

"And you saved mine." You smiled. "Ok go, before someone gets suspicious."

He smirked before jumping out, then somehow jumping off the railing and onto the ground on his feet, stumbling a little as the hand holding the bag came up to grasp at his wound. You heard him mutter "fck!", before running off into the night and disappearing into the shadows. You worried about him, but you knew he would be fine.

[coolbeanzeaglbones]

Fanfic chapter time! It's the one with Eagleclaw

Okay, so they started to notice the dissociation. It was really weird to see someone acting like that. Especially your friend.

One day, as they were getting ready for bed, Ricky noticed Eaglebones was on the floor right next to the bed, “What are you doing down there, buddy?” He asked, crouching down so he could look him in the eye, “Oh, cuz queen Elizabeth the first is coming to stay the night and,” he looked around, “listen, the man in the bass amp told me this and I wasn't supposed to tell, but she's a vampire and we gotta kill her.” he had a wooden stake.

Ricky laughed nervously, “H-hey, why don't I take the stake and stab her, because I can just hang down from my bunk.” He has his hand out, thinking about forcefully taking it from him, “That is a great idea!” He handed the stake to him and laid down on the floor, “Ya want a blanket?”

“Yes please.” Ricky actually went and got him one, which Eaglebones was immensely grateful for, “Thanks Mr…um,” he thought, “Mr. Samantha?” Ricky smiled awkwardly, “Close enough.” He got into his bunk.

Ricky was thinking that he wasn't getting his friend back, but he did have faith in the professor. He always knew what to do.

With that somewhat comfortable thought in his head, he drifted off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXLINEBREAKXXXXXXXXX 

“Okay, just a small pinch.” The professor has Eaglebones on the examination counter. The antidote was finally ready, he just needed to inject, “Go ahead.” The professor injected his arm, “Okay, now we wait, your memory should stop deteriorating and your mind should get back on the right track in about three days.” Eaglebones nodded.

He seriously didn't like the way they were looking at him. He barely even knew who these people were, yet they were looking at him like they were supposed to be family and it honestly freaked him out.

All he really knew was his name and probably that other guy's name. It was, like, Ritchie or something like that. Probably that's what it was.

Also, his head really hurt. Like a lot. Like way too much for it to be a migraine. But he wasn't going to complain in front of people he barely knew/remembered.

From what he really remembered, these people were nice…probably. Yeah, no totally. If they weren't, he'd probably already been murdered…right?

XXXXXXXXXXXLINEBREAKXXXXXXXXX 

The professor really hated this. But, he was trying to be optimistic. He had decided not to tell them that they needed to have a stable environment. That it needed to stay more or less the same. He didn't want to worry them any more than they were.

And surely it wouldn't be that hard to find a trigger for his memory, right? They've known each other for a really long time. They should know.

XXXXXXXXXXXLINEBREAKXXXXXXXXX

It had been a week since they had injected him with the antidote and, while the dissociation and memory loss had slowed, he was having trouble remembering their adventures.

So, as good friends would do, they spent a lot of time looking at photos, reminiscing about their past.

He actually was starting to remember things. He already knew all of their names and knew that they were friends, but he couldn't really remember why though.

So, one of the days, Ricky had an idea that was so obvious it was facepalm worthy that they didn't think of it before, “The guitar.” The commander facepalmed, “Someone grab his guitar from the car, please.” Ricky was about to grab the door handle, when the doorbell rang.

He still didn't like answering the door without knowing who it was, so he looked through the peephole.

His hand immediately left the handle when he saw it was Eaglebones’ mother and, standing right next to her, a faux worried expression written on his face, was Eagleclaw.

[good7luck]

VNC non-animated manga latest (56, 57+) chapters spoilers

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* my personal, negative long vent

about some fan reactions:

“Noe is terrible because he gets happy over Tarte Tatin when Domi is suicidal!”

(more under the cut)

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* Sorry in advance that I failed to make my words organized and short. And I might be overreacting to some small minority. Still, I really wanted to rant for once, before the upcoming new chapter 58(?). Thanks for understanding!

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I’ve seen some comments like:

“Noe and Domi are supposedly old, close childhood friends! Noe learned Domi has been suicidal inside the whole time, while he had no idea! He even saw her jump in front of him, her suicide attempt! And yet, now Noe abandoned Domi and completely forgot about her! He gets excited over stupid Tarte Tatin, how dare he?! He should’ve been concerned about Domi and only her! Actually, he should’ve just opened the door and talked to her already! Noe is so selfish and insensitive and immature! Poor Domi, Noe is a terrible friend and really doesn’t deserve her!“

uh

Not gonna lie, I feel so disappointed and frustrated that some people seriously accuse Noe like that, ignoring or forgetting everything he did for Domi’s sake and the full contexts in the entire Amusement Park arc.

I get that they love Domi and worry about her mental health. I’d love to see Domi/Noe have a deep talk soon, too, really. In fact, I myself got super worried if MJ-sensei would not allow the two to interact at all, by making Domi have to leave asap due to an emergency call from Luca or Sade Family XD Now I’m VERY relieved (and surprised lol) apparently this teasing isn’t happening, and Domi/Noe will do get to face each other and talk, according to the new chapter preview. So hopefully those accusations on Noe would die a little...

However, actually...even if the two were not to meet soon in canon, I still think it’s really unfair for Noe to get all the hate like that.

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# Noe (probably) believes Domi jumped because of Misha’s forced order, NOT by her own (suicidal) will.

Even aside from all the stressful situation...Noe couldn’t properly process the shocking info about Domi’s inner guilt and pain, cuz Vani suddenly started to yell at him and provoke him. During the fierce fight (Noe vs Vani), due to Misha’s harsh demands, Noe couldn’t make complicated thoughts (as Misha intended), either. Misha himself outright threatened that Domi would jump right away “IF the 15 minutes passes” or “IF Misha gets hurt by someone” or “IF Noe makes a wrong move” etc. Besides, Vani was so strong, and Noe was definitely not winning.

We the audience watched Domi’s inner thought process, but the character Noe obviously can’t know it’s Domi’s own (suicidal) decision to jump early (much less “for Noe’s sake”). He was literally busy surviving from Vani’s attacks, not to mention he can’t read minds. If anything, it’s only natural for Noe to think Misha ordered her to jump at that moment, as Misha himself claimed. Honestly, I doubt if Noe realized Domi jumped “too early”. It’s rather amazing he even noticed she’s falling before she hit the bottom tbh.

I don’t mean he forgot about her secretly wanting to be dead in Louis’ stead. What I mean is - from Noe’s POV, whether Domi would jump or not was supposedly up to the controller Misha’s mind entirely, never the controlled victim Domi’s. Even the controller Misha himself couldn’t imagine his supposed puppet Domi would fall on her own without his order. Noe sure couldn’t guess, either.

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# Noe himself already saw Domi being quite fine on her own.

When Noe covered Vani with his own body, Domi saved them with her own ice power. Noe noticed the huge and strong ice around them was from Domi. He soon went outside and checked her standing well much better than him, even after using her power a LOT. From Noe’s POV, he had no idea what happened to her (especially after she started to attack Jeanne). Even so, now it’s pretty clear Domi is safe and back to her own self and (physically) healthy enough. Noe understandably got more relieved about her in general, perhaps (and Domi wasn’t particularly harming herself then).

Noe would’ve talked to her more or even hugged her, but unfortunately Vani and Misha thing happened right away (that Domi noticed first in the manga).

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# Amelia already told Noe that Domi is fine and that Noe shouldn’t interfere Domi talking to Jeanne.

When Noe woke up, Amelia assured him that everyone - including Domi - is safe. Amelia also actively stopped him cuz Domi/Jeanne was having a private conversation two of them (which again implies Domi is okay enough). Noe sees Amelia everyday, and he absolutely trusts her. There’s no reason for Noe to not believe Amelia’s words, even if he can’t see Domi right now (and Amelia was telling the truth). That’s why Noe went to Vani on the roof first, and later he waited for Domi (and Vani started to make Tarte Tatin).

If Noe still just goes open the door and starts to talk to Domi after all this, it means Noe ignores Amelia’s words and Domi’s agency and Jeanne’s presence. Which would be, uh, immature and even selfish and insensitive. I get that it could’ve dramatically shown how desperate and worried (and even “romantic”) Noe was about Domi, and it might not have been too bad actually, but still...

It’s Domi’s decision to not endlessly wait for Noe to wake up. Domi decided or agreed to have a long talk with Jeanne first, leaving injured and sleeping Noe to Amelia. All of it might be even Amelia’s suggestion (whether she secretly wanted to take care of Noe herself alone or not XD). Noe is being polite and respecting Domi and Amelia by patiently waiting for Domi/Jeanne conversation to end on their own, without making any complaint, without pressuring them to end it "asap” in any form, without trying to overhear what they’re saying in private. It’s bad and misogynistic to disrespect a woman’s own decision or ignore her agency, but somehow it’s wrong and horrible that Noe listened to Amelia’s request and didn’t interrupt Domi/Jeanne secret talk? lol :/

If we really try to play ~~strict~~ here, assuming Noe is terrible to Domi for such reasons uwu...then, isn’t Domi terrible to Noe, too, maybe worse? lol “Her old childhood friend got badly injured and almost killed because of her, to save her! Unlike Noe, both Domi and Jeanne were pretty fine, barely injured! And yet, Domi didn’t bother to stay with unconscious Noe! She abandoned her fiance to someone else and just went to have a chat with Jeanne instead, without caring about time! Now she’s even making Noe endlessly wait for her! Is Jeanne that important and urgent to her, more than her beloved friend who was about to die for her?! I get that Domi loves Jeanne, but how dare she?! She should’ve at least stopped talking to Jeanne and come to check Noe at some point!” <<<= I tried to imitate the accusations on Noe, and I sure hope this sounds annoying and picky lol :/

Seriously...it’s not like Noe carelessly left suicidal Domi alone in a room just because she demanded so, right after trying to kill herself. Domi is with Jeanne, none of them is hurting anyone, they’re talking in peace. Noe himself saw powerful Jeanne saving Domi in the park, he can trust Jeanne and leave Domi to her. He knows Jeanne is kind when on the same side as well.

It’s also not like Noe/Vani casually left Domi behind and happily went on a date or lunch two of them outside for 3 hours, in a fancy restaurant far far away lol Noe/Vani/Amelia are literally right near the door of Domi/Jeanne room, so that Noe could see Domi right away as soon as she’s done with Jeanne. That’s why Vani told Noe to lower his voice!!

Honestly, Noe could’ve just lied on the comfortable bed in his room (and had fun with Vani) as a patient, asking Amelia to bring Domi to him later or such...but he didn’t. He rather decided to actively go wait and see his dear friend himself asap! Noe isn’t even sitting on some chair, plz!!

I’d like to make it clear, just in case - I do NOT have a problem with Domi/Jeanne conversation taking a lot of time (it happens XD), and I believe Domi never intended to make Noe wait for her like that.

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# The Tarte Tatin is Vani’s voluntary present for his sincere apology and their miraculous reconciliation, and it all means a lot to Noe.

Noe and Vani had one hell fight yesterday that totally could have killed the other and their entire relationship, which left both completely wrecked. Now Vani was expressing his apology and their reconciliation by making Noe’s top favorite food. It’s not mere “damn stupid” Tarte Tatin. Not only Domi but also Vani is important to Noe. Noe has been stressed out the whole night, so he would get super happy over some(happy)thing he never expected from Vani, maybe even more easily than usual.

When Noe just woke up, Domi/Jeanne were talking. Even after Noe/Vani had their talk on the roof and visited Orlok’s office (to get scolded XD) and came back...Domi/Jeanne were still talking for like 1 hour, if not more. Noe kept waiting for Domi, even if not knowing when she’ll be out exactly. Vani started to make Tarte Tatin for Noe, rather than doing nothing. None of both ever complained about how long Domi/Jeanne conversation is getting or if they should wait there like that - they were simply spending their waiting time in their way. In addition...Noe got distracted and smiled in excitement over Vani’s Tarte Tatin for like 10 minutes or so...plz asdfg

Is it THAT “sinful”? cuz Noe wasn’t screaming, crying, throwing up for Domi every single minute?? Is it what she wants from him, being unable to smile over his favorite food even for a while??? I really don’t think so :/

It’s “funny” that I’ve never seen any of those people (who blame Noe) blame Vani (ex. “Why did Vani make Tarte Tatin NOW, before Noe/Domi talk?!”). Sometimes, I did see “Vani should apologize to Domi”, but somehow it’s never brought up in THIS context lol (ex. “Vani should get ready to apologize to Domi, NOT cooking for Noe!”)

It’s also “funny” that I’ve never seen any “criticism” that Noe followed Dante and later tried to go find JJ/Chloe: in both cases, Noe was physically getting away from Domi he was originally waiting for. If we try to play ~~strict~~ again uwu...isn’t it much more terrible than when Noe ~dared to~ get excited over Tarte Tatin? This happened at least physically near Domi’s location lol

Similarly, somehow Dante didn’t get any hate for taking Noe (and his attention) away from Domi, either, much less JJ/Chloe lol (ex. “Why must Noe get distracted by stupid JJ/Chloe and even smile at them and talk about his clan, when Domi is suicidal! Are they more important than his old childhood friend who wants herself dead?! No more JJ/Chloe, no more insensitive Noe being happy over them! Dante also should’ve known Noe/Domi need to talk asap!”) If anything, people rather wanted JJ/Chloe and Dante to stay longer and appear more lol

For some reason, Noe gets blamed (as always? lol), as if Noe himself asked Vani to make Tarte Tatin for him :/ Actually, to be very honest...even if Noe did demand Vani to make Tarte Tatin for him and become so joyful over it (for 10 minutes lol)...I think I still wouldn’t call him problematic, considering what happened between them? Noe has his own life and relationships, out of Domi (and he rather should?). It’s not like Domi is crying or bleeding right next to him now...Noe isn’t enjoying a party in such a serious / urgent situation, plz. I’m pretty sure Noe’s first words to Domi will NOT be about Vani’s Tarte Tatin, either, plz!! asdfg XD

I feel so salty, yep lol No, I do NOT think people should actually start to complain like my made-up complaints above!! Plz no asdfg I’d love to see more of Dante and JJ/Chloe and more in a peaceful situation myself!!

I simply don’t understand why those people basically insist Noe should be 24/7 depressed and hyper-focusing on Domi and only her, treating him like a heartless psychopath otherwise. To me, it sounds so unhealthy (and even unrealistic, oops), similar to “poor Louis meant nothing to Domi/Noe cuz they dare to have some sincerely happy days without mourning his death”? I highly doubt if a decent professional therapist could live like that.

Plz, it’s not like Noe made fun of Domi or joked about her trauma. It’s just that Noe couldn’t imagine Vani would do THAT much for him and their relationship, so he got extra excited over Vani’s (rare) explicit kindness and effort (in the visible form of his favorite food), after all the intense sufferings half a day ago. Does Noe have no right / freedom to feel any kind of happiness about anything or anyone in any moment now, until Domi explicitly approves it or she feels no longer suicidal? :((

(my apparently unpopular opinion on this crying Noe: I don’t think he’s crying because he got upset by Vani’s words. I believe he’s crying because he’s so happy to be miraculously allowed to stay by Vani’s side again like before, and uh...he probably didn’t seriously think he would have to kill him for real, oops ^^; Anyway, that’s why I brought this pic: Noe is happy to be with Vani here)

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# What Noe did for Domi’s sake in the Amusement Park arc

(I know one could argue if Noe did things “genuinely” for Domi’s sake, similar to when Louis!Domi criticized Domi’s suicidal choice in her mind...but let me skip that, oops XD)

(I must say, I do NOT necessarily mean Noe’s decisions / actions are genuinely good or positive. I just tried to collect Domi/Noe scenes where Noe cares about Domi, though I might’ve missed some ^^;)

[*] When Noe first saw Domi’s hair and Misha’s “invitation” letter, he didn’t hesitate and went to the park right away - without saying anything to Amelia, not even to Vani.

Amelia decided to go see Vani and tell him what happened on her own, NOT because Noe asked her to do so. Noe was fully occupied with Domi and so reckless that much.

[*] Noe got a lot of hate at the end of the arc, for ~daring to~ hurt the “kid” Misha’s face when trying to protect Vani from getting harmed / murdered by Misha, who was rushing with obviously dangerous weapons.

But actually, Noe was similarly in a vampire mode and about to aggressively attack the “kid” when he first met him, too, even when Misha didn’t make an explicitly suspicous move yet - because the “kid” was the culprit who dared to kidnap Domi.

(I wonder if the fandom hated Noe for being “violent” to the “kid” at that time, too lol I wasn’t in the fandom at that time)

Noe literally didn’t care if the kidnapper was a “kid”, cuz Domi was much more important to him. He didn’t even try to “talk things out”, unlike usual.

[*] Noe has some traumatic experiences in regards to blood-drinking, and he (usually) wouldn’t drink someone else’ blood without their consent or without his own want.

However, Misha threatened to kill Domi if Noe didn’t do as he wished, ordering Noe to drink his blood. Noe obviously never wanted any of it, but he had no choice but to break his own moral beliefs and rules, so he drank Misha’s blood against his own will - to save Domi. (and yet, some people call the victim Noe “rapist” and blame him, maybe because Noe is physically older, bigger, and stronger asdfg while completely excusing Misha’s problematic behaviors ://)

[*] Similarly, Misha demanded to go drink Vani’s blood in 15 minutes. Noe obviously remembered Vani’s rejection and warning, so he tried and literally begged Vani to tell Misha what happened on That Day, physically lowering himself. Noe knew Vani would hate all of it, but he wanted to save Domi THAT much.

[*] Noe ended up attacking Vani to drink his blood by force for real - going against his own moral beliefs and rules again, for Domi’s sake.

[*] Noe was super busy fighting against Vani, but he still noticed Domi was falling, and he ran to her right away. He totally forgot about the bloody fight, even after Jeanne safely saved Domi, to the point he got attacked by Vani from behind in the end.

[*] When Noe realized Domi used her ice power to protect him and Vani, he left Vani behind and went out of the ice to see Domi himself right away.

[*] Noe is waiting for Domi right near Domi/Jeanne room, not in his daily room, even if he’s not fully recovered yet and doesn’t know when Domi/Jeanne long talk would end.

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HOWEVER uwu Noe is anyway a terrible jerk who doesn’t really care about Domi at all uwu because he still dared to happily focus on mere Tarte Tatin for 10 minutes while waiting for Domi uwu which is an utter evil sin that completely invalidates everything he has done for her so far uwu Noe should’ve kept screaming, crying, throwing up over Domi and only her every second until they get to talk uwu

I can’t believe Noe is apparently sooooo “flawless” to them that they have to make a fuss over such a petty reason, idk lol :/

“You love Noe and so can’t see his flaws and can’t take any criticism on him!” LOL In this arc, strictly speaking - Noe was very reckless and arrogant (and so immature, mind you lol) to think he could handle the unknown kidnapper and save Domi safely by himself alone, even without telling anyone else about anything, especially when he couldn’t even use one arm and there could’ve been, uh, many kidnappers, even powerful evil vampires, for example... Noe was understandably very upset and desperate, but still.

Believe it or not, I’ve enjoyed Domi and Domi/Noe by some level. It’s honestly not so hard for me to empathize with both Domi and Noe in the Amusement Park arc. So...can those people please NOT ruin Domi/Noe for me?! asdfg XD

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Thanks for reading my long long vent subjective experiences & bitter opinions! I’m sorry I couldn’t write this nicer in general OTL

[daydreamalley]

Thought I’d share my thoughts on ch.109 before the new chapter came out. Wrote this like right after the chapter came out, in mid freak out, but I stand by it.

Okay, maybe this is all just delusion, but I really don’t think it is, but it could be, who knows. I don’t think Dazai or Sigma are dead, and here’s my reasoning. Don't even know if people are that worried about Sigma, but here we are. The reasoning with Sigma is fairly simple. I think he passed out from intaking too much information with his ability and isn’t’ dead at all. Much like how Atsushi passed out after Sigma transferred him information, because he couldn’t handle all the information at once but it was also a little delayed, and then Ango talked about how he has that sometimes with his ability too. So I don’t think Sigma is dead at all cuz then that would also just take him off the playing field entirely and then what was the point? 

Now Dazai (delusion territory, also just all my own interpretations). Firstly I simply don’t think they’re gonna kill Dazai off like this. Like, c’mon, there’s just no way in my mind he’s really dead. And with that in mind it was actually kinda cathartic to see Chuuya shoot him? But anyway, I also want to jump into the scene a bit. So, Dazai obviously tries to pull his usual tricks by trying to make Chuuya punch him, and we get confirmation that if Chuuya were to touch Dazai, Dazai would actually nullify the vampirism, which is nice to know (I had my doubts about how the nullification would work on the vampirism). 

Once that doesn’t work, Chuuya shoots Dazai in the shoulder. Why the hell would he shoot Dazai in the shoulder? That is not what Fyodor was ordering him to do, and yet he did it. What I think is that maybe Chuuya was trying to show that he was obviously willing to shoot Dazai, as in still fully mind controlled even if he isn’t, and that the gun worked. Then Dazai looks genuinely angry. Maybe this was acting of some sort, too, but to me this looks like a moment of genuine anger at a pain he wasn’t expecting. He’s even cursing at Chuuya, which feels very unusual for Dazai, and again, just like such genuine anger. But when Chuuya aims the gun at Dazai’s head, Dazai calms again, he returns to his normal banter and complaint of his bad position by talking about trivial things in the face of his death. It’s almost like that press of the gun to Dazai’s forehead was a signal or something. We already know Double Black had other strategies and inside knowledge that only they’d be able to read from each other, so why not this?

Okay, and what the fuck was that whole little speech, huh Dazai? Why does Dazai look so determined and there’s such light in his eyes as he’s talking to Chuuya? Is this like, another signal or…? Cuz I think a lot of this is maybe Chuuya’s plan, or whatever inkling of Chuuya is aware inside the vampire (p.s. I’m so sick of seeing Chuuya only as a vampire. I miss my boy). Also like, god, what was the end of that sentence? What are they indelibly fated for? Was that just bullshit or was Dazai being genuine, or was it a signal between them or just???? 

Obviously when Chuuya shoots, the panels seem intentionally vague. But like, I can’t even believe we have these panels. Another obvious thing, why the hell is Dazai talking after being shot in the forehead? People shouldn’t be able to do that, which we can overlook in the name of dramatics, but I also feel like it was just Dazai pulling his usual dramatics and acting it out even though he wasn’t actually shot. 

2 final points. After Chuuya shoots the supposed headshot, there are two holes behind Dazai, not just the one. You can see the upper left one is the one that went through his shoulder, then there’s one near his head and one much further down that, as far as I could tell, was NOT there before. I don’t know how Chuuya could’ve used gravity manipulation to stop the bullet, because if it was touching Dazai surely Chuuya wouldn’t be able to manipulate it, but that is really sus if that hole in the wall actually wasn’t there before and came from Chuuya’s (supposed) headshot.

Finally, there is no way in hell that you can tell me that Akutagawa remembered the promise he made to Atsushi not to kill people and keeps that promise even in his vampire state and then claim Chuuya would actually kill Dazai. There’s just no way. In Dead Apple we have a somewhat set precedence that Chuuya can be very vaguely aware at least of Dazai during Corruption, and so in his vampire state that I still think Chuuya is fighting hard against, he wouldn’t actually kill Dazai. So I guess it all boils down to, I think Chuuya has enough consciousness to not kill Dazai, and perhaps even have some form of plan that involved shooting Dazai in the shoulder and then Dazai going along with it as he was shot in the head.

Also, like how would this progress their relationship or them as characters? Other than being a little tragic, but there are far more tragic things that could happen between them. I agree with Dazai, this is not where it ends for them

[joltai-showa]

a bit more of a serious post today, but i was scrolling through some stuff before sleep and came across some certain sentiments which i would like to talk about

not outright reposting cuz not too sure if this person would be okay with me doing it, so i'll just say what i think should be said

please don't be ashamed of your hyperfixations. thinking of them and engaging with them is and always should be something fun and enjoyable for you. yes, they come and go, but the memories of them stay with you, the joy that you felt from it will be with you even if you change fandoms and many years have passed.

i've been in many fandoms over almost 10 years, for some of them I can even barely remember the names of the characters in them, but I still remember sending tons of pics of one same cutesy boy to my bestie, drooling over him and how we both joked about of current hyperfixations. since I was 14 I was studiying in some of the best schools in the country and proceeded to do a double degree bachelors. life has been stressful as shit, i am in my early twenties and already have a ton of gray hair, but unironically it was my hyperfixations that helped me to get through that all. i don't regret being unhinged about one evil guy for a year or two or five, because it made me happy in the moment. maybe i will no longer scroll all those thousands of pics of the same dude over and over, but they will remind me of the fun I had, no matter how weird or "cringe" I would get about it.

kill the inner cringe. be free to enjoy the moment. and who knows, one day this hyperfixation might just grasp you in its hold again. it did happen to me a few times :) keeping interest in the same piece of media is not easy, especially if there is barely any content on it. i try to juggle a few interests at the same time and have fun with each of them, it really helps with the possible burnout

p.s. and to the author of the tags, because i think the fics mentioned might concern my works: nope, you aren't cringe. long thorough comments are my (and I guess any authors'?) absolute favorites, because it not only shows that someone took the time to read through my work, but they REALLY resonated with it, they actually cared about a lot of stuff you've spent time putting into the work. you aren't stupid for showing your love for the work, in fact, you're already better than a lot of other people for actively engaging with the fic. i am not trying to shame people simply leaving kudos on the work, it's nice to see their count grow, but after a few days they turn into a single number that is simply there. comments, on the other hand, can be read and reread repeatedly, they're my little stars of honor that truly make my day better. and your comments are not deranged, it's lovely that you can write so much about many many scenes in a single chapter, because personally, I would not be able to do this, so you're awesome for that and a treasure for any author.

p.p.s. i also tend to remember "regulars" under my chapters, so i do get pretty worried that something might have happened to them irl if they don't interact with the new chapter for longer than usual :( you don't have to write extensive commentary every time, you can leave a short list of moments that you liked and maybe return at a later date with a longer comment if you wish so.

tl;dr all comments are valid

[bonesandthebees]

Okay, so glass chapter 12 (holy shit we’re at 12 already?). As I said, there is a lot to unpack. Like there is so much. Which is fair cuz 10k chapter but still. I’m going to split the analysis into 3 parts based on location. Wilbur’s room, the vip louge and the hallway. So let’s start with everything that happens in Wilbur’s room.

Wilbur’s not quite at dissociation level yet, but he has reached the anxiety-induced apathy stage. Or more so, he’s tethering on the edge. He’s still anxious, but he no longer has the energy to care. The fatigue and fear constantly fight each other to get the upper hand. This creates a lot of interesting situations we wouldn’t get if Wilbur was in full anxiety mode.

The first is the blindfold. Wilbur doesn’t bother getting up and putting it on before Tommy enters the room. I think this is the second time he’s done that on purpose, but I might be wrong. It does take him and an awfully long time to decide he wants the blindfold. The difference is that last time he tried to find the blindly himself, whereas this time he didn’t really bother and immediately asked Tommy to give it to him.

Another detail is Tommy placing it in his hand before he got to finish his sentence. Tommy is anticipating Wilbur’s needs because he expects Wilbur to want to wear the blindfold. That’s one of Wilbur’s main worries. Tommy knows that. And he’s doing everything he can to make Wilbur feel better. There’s also Tommy having complete faith that Wilbur won’t curse him, still, and Wilbur not really bothering to rush with the blindfold because he’s already taken it off in front of Tommy in the dark.

(1/?)

-🌲

hi spruceeee yeah this chapter wasn't supposed to be so long but i say that about basically everything so here we go lol

Wilbur's current state of anxiety is teetering between so anxious he's shutting down, and also just straight up depression. The rug of his entire life has basically been pulled out from under him, and he doesn't know what to do anymore. he doesn't know what to do with himself, he doesn't know who he is, so his mental health is just tanking (even more than it already was).

tommy, for better or worse, trusts wilbur especially regarding the blindfold. he's seen how terrified wilbur is of accidentally cursing anyone with it, so he has full faith that wilbur would never let that happen. hence why he's not afraid when he hands wilbur the blindfold.

(also, part of the reason why wilbur is still a bit hesitant and puts it on quickly is that along with the curse, as mentioned before people technically aren't supposed to see the pythia's face without it. he's always had his face turned away from tommy or it's been dark when he's been around tommy without it on. tommy still has yet to see wilbur's face properly. but we're getting there).

[fandsart]

For your behind the scenes ask:

What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

For any of your fics.

Ask list

The thing about that is, there are over 100K words of 20 Chain Links that have been written out and haven't been posted yet. That's more than half of it. The further into the fic the more the emotional and relational build up pays off, so most of my favorite scenes are going to be down the road. Another thing about it is how much all of the scenes play off of each other. It's hard to nail a certain favorite aspect of the story into just one scene.

So, without jumping from scene to scene commentary, I'd have to pick this one in chapter 6: it's the last scene with Billy. Or the last interaction scene anyway; obviously he dies after that, but this story being from Steve's perspective, he sees it from a distance and he's heavily concussed at the time.

I'll continue talking about it under the cut for length and spoiler reasons

The thing I like about this is how it jump starts Steve and Robin's relationship. They'd only been working together for a week, but they're working a very monotonous job with only preconceived notions of who Steve is, she would have continued to be nothing but condescending and mock him. His perception of her would stay negative and she would view this as confirmation of what she believed about his character.

Having this here gives her something to change the way she views him as a person, and loosens some tension between them. She knows that Steve tried to stop Billy from getting to her, because she hears a kick after she uses the broadcasting announcement system to call for security. She knew Billy would head toward the door, and was willing to take the risk that security would get to him before any (at least serious) harm was done to her. But she knows Steve held him up.

Then she goes on to see how unconcerned he seems to be with himself following the interaction. He says 'Don't worry about me; I'll get concealer for the bruises.'

She's more agreeable after that, opening the door for a fuller understanding later when she really lets herself get to know him as more than his reputation

So that's the answer to the question, but I'm going to take the opportunity to talk about this other scene in chapter 4 just because it's kind of something that really needs to be read into. I will be scene hopping just a little bit when talking about this

There's the scene where Hopper belittles Steve's intelligence. It's one of the few Hopper-Steve interactions in the fic (which is why this needs to be read into to grasp the background stuff I'm doing)

Someone left this lovely comment dissecting this scene

[“God, people aren’t kidding when they say you’re slow. Let me tell you the difference. You were a teenage boy. El’s a young girl. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or getting herself into.”

This was honestly deeply shocking to me. I dont know why, it was just shocking and upsetting. I wouldn't put it out of character for Hopper, I think that's the worst part for me cuz quite frankly he can be an ass, he has those moments, forget just being grumpy and abrasive. I re-watched season two recently and a lot of things stuck out to me and made me feel iffy. I'm glad however that he chose to reach out again to another adult and hope he takes their advice this time. He's a grown ass man, I need him to act like it especially in regards with the way he talks to kids sometimes. But bloody hell you don't say that, that's so mean, it's devastating. He essentially has no adult support system and one of the like three adults in the know treats him like that. Sucks

And the misogyny oof. Also the way he seems to gloss over Steve sentence, the kids are want 13/14 in season 3, and I'm guessing I'll put Steve at 11/12 when he started kissing. That's not great, it's also weird because we have society telling us boys mature slower than girls, so boys will be boys, why then are they mature enough for relationship things?. And the way Hopper gets immediately defensive and so aggressive about assigning blame. I find that conversation fascinating. Along with the conversation Bob had with Mike those two stuck at the most to me.]

And I responded:

[I really hated Hopper in season 3, so this is setting up where the decent would be there, but he's getting a sort of background arc in this version so he doesn't get that shitty. That arc involves Bob being such an open person that he's able to reason with Hopper. Here he just steps in though since Hop isn't at a place where he's able to express himself a lot. And we do see in season 3 how affected by toxic masculinity Hopper is. I wanted to keep some level of consistency with the characters even when I hated how some of the characters behaved at certain points. Like the first scene I changed in season 2 where Steve told Nancy they should take a break, because I have a hard time believing they'd be on such good terms later on after she cheated on him pretty blatantly. Also, I feel like it works better that way for how on good terms they are by season 4

I really wanted to address how bitter Hopper is in season three and also kind of divert that path a bit]

Bob is such a chill guy and he's very emotionally open, which is specifically something that Hopper struggles with. I think just existing around Bob would be good for him and since they're both close with Joyce I think they would get close through her. I'm picturing them going through a whole developing story on their own in the background to Steve's story where they figure their way into being polyamorous, but it's outside of Steve's periphery. Sometimes people are just going through their own stories just outside of the perception of your own

[jodilin65]

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1994 I had a very interesting and very different idea earlier, but I’m not saying that I’ll do this for sure. The idea was to take each journal and break them down into chapters. Just like in a regular book. Also, at the back of each journal, I’d have a list of what topics are in each chapter. Either something like that or I can take the last few pages and write what I wrote about in general throughout the whole book. There’s a pro and a con to this. The con is that it takes the surprise and wonder out of the reader. The pro is that if I’m searching through a few journals that I believe a certain event’s written about, I’ll get a better idea of where it is this way.

My stomach is bugging me again, so I’m drinking lots of cranberry juice.

Earlier I typed my parents a letter. I also typed and sent Tammy a message. Tom says that soon they will be having a chat mode where people can type back and forth to one another, just like the deaf do with TTYs.

I still wish I could get a hysterectomy. Tom and I know that the bottom line is that I’ll never have a kid, so why should I have to deal with periods till I’m 50-60? It’s not very fair. Well, I think I’ll go listen to music.

Later…

I thought I’d write a little more on the so-called baby discussion Tom and I had the other day. I’m finding that being able to suppress certain desires like Tom can isn’t as easy as I thought. Like he said, why should it be a big deal? Yes, the greater part of me still doesn’t want one, but it’s scary to accept the fact that I’ve been wanting one just a little more than I’d bargained for. Was Tom right when he said the responsibility would be good for me? Was he right when he said he thought I’d be a good mom?

I’ll either talk to him or read this to him, but I’m still confused. Sometimes I feel like he wants one someday and other times I don’t think he ever does.

Now, here’s my biggest fear. What if in the next few years I really start wanting one badly? I didn’t want a relationship till I met Tom. There are several things I never thought I’d want or could or would do. Should I tell Tom that if this should happen to talk me out of it? Remind me how bad it would be for me? For us?

He said the other day that in 5 years he’d be so settled with me, he’d never even think of it. What’s being settled with me have to do with having a kid, and it’s going to take him 5 years?

He also said he intended to be very busy as he is now, but wasn’t it he who said life doesn’t have to end cuz you have a kid?

Like I said, I try to tell myself I’m meant to be a singer, don’t want to be like my mom and all the other shit I’d have to go through, I’m sterile, it’s no big deal. The urges won’t worsen, I’m not going to have one, as for the most part, I do know the future even though I’m only 28.

Later…

Well, I’ll have to ask Tom when he thinks $22.80 will be in the budget. My latest thing is address labels, but after I get the 3 styles I want to get, I’ll stop. $22.80 isn’t bad, though, for 750 very fancy labels and they’ll last for eons. I also have an order coming anytime now with clear ones with musical notes.

See, it does come and go. Right now the thought of having a kid makes me puke. I’ve been up all night, therefore, if I had one, I’d have to get up in a couple of hours and be up all day and night. It’s also great not having to worry about it screaming its head off when me and Tom are doing it. I’d just ignore it, although I’m sure that’d spoil our appetites.

I’ve got another fucking headache, now. So, time to go pop an Ibuprofen.

Later…

Thank God for Ibuprofen. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t be writing now. Or listening to music as I just did. Before that, though, I made a hamburger and did the dishes.

Tom will be getting up in half an hour if he isn’t up already. I heard him coughing just a second ago.

I shouldn’t have sent Bob so many stamped envelopes, but I had no idea he’d end up in jail. No one did. I think there are only 4 he never used, so that’s okay. Maybe April or someone will bring them to jail. Tom says that in time, Bob can get and send letters. He’ll have so much time on his hands that maybe he’ll write tons of letters. How he’ll afford stamps and what will become of his SS check, I don’t know.

He also may very well not have too much time on his hands. I think prison is a lot like Valleyhead was. They slave you doing this and that non-stop all day.

I wonder about April and the new 2-bedroom apartment they were supposed to share.

Tom’s up so I’ll continue from where I left off later.

Later…

Tom’s now working on sandwich #2.

I played him the tape of the pig squeaking.

I’m glad I don’t feel too tired. Hopefully, I can hold out longer. Long enough to go out and get some sun and color.

Yesterday I left Andy a message about Bob. He was as pissed as I am.

Well, I know Bob mentioned he was recently approved for Section 8 subsidy. I wonder if this means that if April stays there, she’ll have to pay full rent? I wonder if she could even afford to pay full rent. Most people find it awfully hard to pay for a 2-bedroom apartment at market rent, so I doubt she’ll stay there. That was, after all, their intention. To share the rent and bills.

I wonder who will go through his stuff? And what will they do with it? Where will it go? I can just imagine some character like my mom finding and playing all those tapes I sent. Although, unless Bob tells them, or whoever, what they are, no one will ever know. I used tapes of various artists and I never labeled them. This is cuz I wanted him to be surprised and not know what was on each tape till he played it through.

No shit! Only 43º now? I thought it was to hit between 76º - 78º today. We’ll just have to wait and see.

They just said on the radio that a thing called the Brady Bill is now in effect. This bill requires a 5-day wait for a background check on those buying guns. I thought this law had already existed for years. Guess it varies in different states.

Later…

I’m beginning to feel a bit sleepy now, but I’m sure I’ll soon get a second wind as I did yesterday.

I read Tom parts of this book earlier. He’s soon to be done with his shower and off to work.

I gotta go put my mail out.

Later…

Thank God we don’t live on the corner of the opposite side of the street about 5 houses down. There were 10-15 kids waiting for the school bus. They get dropped off on our corner, but they quickly scurry off to their houses. To be picked up, they stand around a while before the bus arrives and make lots of noise till the bus comes.

Later…

Tom just left for work.

I wonder if his address labels will arrive today. I think I mentioned it. I ordered him some as a surprise.

Now, I think I’ll go take my next journal and # the pages. Of course, I do it from the back of the book to the front of it. This way I always know how many pages I have left, regardless of where I am in the book.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1994 Watch out! I have pages and pages of some pretty wild news. Which one shall I start with? The baby or Bob? No, I’m not pregnant. It’s just that some of the time, although very seldom, I find myself wanting one. Tom got me to see that it’s okay to want something at the same time you don’t want it. I want to be with Tom and I want to be a singer more than anything else. He also got me to see that it’s okay to want something I can’t and won’t have. Yeah, I know this and I’ve walked this road many many times before. It sure does get frustrating, though. I guess I sometimes feel this way cuz my singing hasn’t happened yet and I have a lot of free time on my hands. A good 80% of it I spend well occupied, but the other 20% I get bored and this is when these feelings I don’t like tend to creep up on me. Yes, I know it’s not wrong, but it can be a bitch. When this does happen I try to remind myself of my real purpose and destiny in this life. I look at the reality of if I had a kid. That’s a huge list. I am sterile, but if I weren’t, I just couldn’t take it physically and mentally and while we’re not poor, we’re not rich, either. There are many negatives to look at in each of the 3 groups (physical, mental and financial), so that is what I remind myself of when these feelings come on and then I ask myself if I really want to deal with it and live like that. No!

I was at first afraid to talk to Tom as I didn’t want to scare him or turn him off, but he was glad I talked about it and faced it and he was very understanding. I love him for this.

It’d sure be nice to be like he is with the subject of kids; he can live either with or without a child.

Shortly, I’ll be back with news #2 of the day.

Later…

I got a message from Minnie, Bob’s friend, who said it was a very important message she had for me about Bob and to please call her. I figured he was in the hospital with a minor stroke, a nervous breakdown, a suicide attempt, or a bad flu. Well, I tried to call her back at the Northfield number she left me, but I got no answer. Therefore, I took a shot at calling Kim who I figured wouldn’t be home, but she was. She told me that Minnie called her to get my number. She’s seen parts of my letters and could see how much I love Bob. He’s like a grandfather to me.

So, Kim asked her why she wanted my number and then she started explaining.

Bob’s in jail! We can’t fucking believe it! She’s not sure where he is but thinks he’s in Walpole. Kim’s going to check into things and see what she can find out, but from what she hears, he can’t get or send letters. She and I talked about it and so did me and Tom. Now, I can see him having a house full of all kinds of people. Some of them minors that get ahold of booze. Then, I can see him unable to control them, cuz he doesn’t know how to put his foot down. He’s just very non-aggressive and would rather look the other way, whereas I would speak up about it and try to do something about getting the booze away from the kid. This guy, though, doesn’t want to argue or have to reason with anyone. I can also see him being dumb enough to let a minor or someone with no license drive his car as he can’t see too well. But the rape charge? Give me a break! Tom and I think it is possible, though, that maybe a 15-year-old who could’ve looked 18 and said she was 18 hit on Bob and he went for it. What I can’t see, is him knowingly messing with a minor. It just isn’t his style. While you never do know, I doubt very much he did this. Especially by force. The guy’s just too damn weak. A little kid could fight their way away from him. I’ve known him for years and he’s a lot like Nervous. He may drive you crazy with his mouth and express his feelings towards you, but never force anything on you. I can’t see it any more than I can see Tom robbing a bank, highjacking a plane, or raping anyone.

Kim said the newspaper fucked up on a lot of things. Yeah, I can buy that one. They did the same thing to me. She’s going to be sending me an article anyway, and cuz I’ve known him for years, I’ll know the truth from the bullshit.

She also says that Minnie says he got 10-14 years!

You gotta be kidding! And just when his life was beginning to look up for a change. He got a nice new apartment with that girl April and really wanted to get out here. He should’ve split, but he, Kim, and I thought there’d be no reason for him to have to. We figured it was a simple misunderstanding that would be taken care of and cleared up. Even he said he didn’t want to split cuz that’d make him look guilty and they’d follow his SS checks.

Kim, being an EMT, had a call in Sunderland once. A typical male got fed up with the wife and kids, so what did he do? Killed them and burned them and she had to testify in court. Well, she’s afraid of running into this guy at Walpole. They have some serious offenders there.

Another thing about it is, is that he told me that this girl claimed she never called or wrote to him, but his lawyer has got letters and phone bills as proof. Plus, this girl wrote and called before, during and after this incident from out of state.

I think it’s just another case of our beautiful justice system walking all over a naïve, desperate, defenseless old guy for the boost of their ego and power. Typical courts - get the women, children, disabled, minorities and the elderly, but let the abled white man walk. Put the drug dealer away for life, but let the murderer walk.

Well, she’s going to keep me posted as she finds things out. She said she just mailed me off another letter. Yeah, Book of Letters #7 is certainly going to be slow in the making. I’ll miss his letters. I also feel that I’ll never see him again. I feel as if he died. He probably feels the same and that he’ll die in there. He won’t have to commit suicide, he’ll either be killed or curl up and die of depression or a heart attack. This may be sick to say, but if he has to be there for years, maybe he would be better off dead. I only hope that if he does go, he goes quickly and painlessly. Maybe he really was born cursed. Way more so than I ever was. Makes me wonder what will happen to all his stuff, too. Where will all the tapes and letters I’ve sent him go?

It’s almost too scary to think about how it could’ve been me going away for a while. Neither I nor anyone else ever thought I’d go to jail, but I see now, that that’s where I could’ve easily gone. I am a woman with no connections in that area.

Later…

Late last night I did program 2 on one of my workout videos. I could do the whole thing. There were exercises I’d never seen before but they’re cool.

A few minutes ago I taped my pig squeaking and played it back. He looked thoroughly confused when he heard himself.

Also, I fell asleep around 11:00, and Tom said he could hear them playing ball next door from 1:00 - 6:00. I slept beautifully! Thank fucking God for this fan. If it were just the radio I had on, I’d have been woken up for sure.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1994 Well, I’ve certainly never been so into the Olympics before. You kind of get into it after a scandal breaks out. Anyway, Tonya Harding was supposedly involved in sending a hitman to hit Nancy Kerrigan’s leg. He did, but she recovered. They’re the only two representing the US. I figured it’d be fixed for Tonya to lose and for Nancy to win the gold. Well, Tonya did lose, but Nancy only won the silver. Some 16-year-old world defending champion from Ukraine won the gold, but man was she good!

Well, I do want to write and I am in the mood to, but I have nothing left to say. Not too much has been happening. I’m quite bored now, actually. I’m not in the mood to type any letters, so I think I’ll do some editing finally and once and for all. Oh, gotta do the dishes first. Well, I don’t gotta do them, but I’d like very much to do them.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 1994 Wednesday morning sure was pretty strange for me. I couldn't fall asleep until nearly 7 AM. I awoke at 10:30 and puked for the first time since the night I got here. Luckily I only puked once. Why, who knows? Tom thinks the turkey I ate was bad. I've been fine ever since, so at least I have no flues or colds of any kind.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1994 I did part of the workout video. I do enjoy and feel better working out, but must it be so painful?! Another classic example of “no pain, no gain.”

Now I’ll go watch The Guardian video.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 1994 I watched the movie I taped and typed a letter to Kim. Soon, I’m going to type one for Bob and then maybe cut some more split ends off. I take a few strands and snip any split ends with scissors. Man, do I have lots of them!

Later…

Just wanted to update quickly on some not-so-cool news, before I hit the sack. Well, remember I said Andy was to transfer to 2nd shift? Forget about that. They just hired tons of people for that shift. We’re both bummed.

I worked out and I can already see the results. It feels so good. I also typed Bob a letter.

Later…

Got up today at 3:30. Yes, I was very lazy. Got a letter from Bob. I typed letters to him, Kim, Fran and my parents.

I’m ordering yet another kind of address label that was only $4. They’re clear with musical notes.

Also, got a 35¢ fudge bar today when the ice cream truck came. It was pretty cool to be able to walk right out my front door and get it.

Well, that’s all for now.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 1994 I just finished watching the movie I taped and it was OK.

Earlier I retyped a note of understanding in Journal #4’s front cover. It’s an explanation of the copying of those old little journals, journal charts, etc. As for highlighting – all is fine with that for now. I think one of these days real soon, I’ll type up a long journal chart and put it up on the wall by the bookcase my journals sit on. All but 3 of them fit on the 2 shelves I use. On the very top shelf that has no sides sits my alarm clock/radio, my 2 cups of pens, markers, pencils, and a bottle of musk perfume. Sometime soon, I’ll also make up several other neat charts. Like how many days each one goes from, how many entry dates are in each one, and whatever else I can come up with. For now, though, I am going to listen to music and just close my eyes and relax, till I once again return to write.

Later…

Just got done listening to music, eating, and trimming my bangs. Did a good job, too. I just didn’t have the patience to wait till I go back to that guy Richard or to whomever. Tom was even going to give it a try, but I got so fed up with my hair in my eyes. As for the rest of it, my split ends are a nightmare. I really need to trim a good 4-6 inches, but I don’t know what I’m going to do with it yet.

Hopefully sometime this week Andy will get the address labels I got him for his b-day. Tom’s too.

Speaking of Tom, he just got up to go to the bathroom.

Later…

Tom just went right back to bed. That’s where I’ll be going myself, real soon.

I smoked one less ciggie today, and I’m going to try and minus another one tomorrow.

Boy, the cat on the next page sure does look a bit like Sasha. She had longer fur, though. I wonder if Nerv still has her? There were cats almost like Shadow in here, too. I’ll always wonder what became of Shadow and hope he’s safe and happy, but to tell you the shocking truth, I don’t really miss him anymore. He was just too obnoxious. If I had to have a cat, I’d take the beast before I ever took Shadow back. He was the perfect cat who behaved so well. I love having the pig in a cage he can’t get out of, cuz I don’t have to worry about him getting into my shit and clawing at my bedroom door while I’m asleep. Tom and I still have to cut his nails.

Later…

Last night I could not fall asleep till close to 6:00 in the morning. I awoke at 11:30 to take my meds. Then at 1:30 I finally got up and stayed up. Tom’s been up since 8:00.

I forgot that there’s no mail today. It’s President’s Day.

Tom’s calling his sister right now. He may have to go over later. He said something about leaving a disk over there.

Now, I’m going to go outside to enjoy the remainder of the sun.

Later…

Well, forget about going outside. It’s still nice, but it’s kind of cool and chilly.

I think I’ll soon check out the TV guide and see what’s going to be on.

I just had some tater tots that Tom fried up.

Andy bought a CD player today and any time he’ll be coming over to get his Fleetwood Mac CD. I’m going to go listen to music now, cuz Tom can hear the door if Andy comes.

Later…

I listened to some music earlier and soon I will go listen more.

Andy came and got his CD and showed me his new CD player. It also has dual cassette with high-speed dubbing. Now he can dub his own tapes and play CDs for only $80. When I want to high-speed dub something, I use Tom’s stereo, cuz I can’t edit with a high-speed dubbing system.

Tom and I had some fun. He’s doing his laundry now, then he’ll probably crash. He has to work the next 4 days.

I’m taping a movie now, then I intend to do my workout video. I’ll also type letters, too.

Later…

Oops! Time to print a retraction. Tom just read my last two entries and according to him, he doesn’t have to work Friday. He’s now playing a blackjack game on the computer.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1994 Andy was over for a couple of hours. We had a lot of fun. I taped some tapes for him. Dubbed them, I mean. We played cards and listened to some tapes. We listened to a convo between Fran, him, and me talking to the crisis center, among other things.

Tom worked on assembling his sister’s new computer all night. Before Andy came over, though, we had some fun.

I taped 6 hours of TV, so, I’m going to go watch some.

Later…

I’m watching a really good prison flick right now. Tom likes them too, as I and Andy do. So far, there have been no really hot women in this one. As typical as the TV guide does, it was wrong by saying earlier there was a women’s prison flick on a different channel. I’ve also got other stuff taped. Two episodes of Cops, two Tales of the Crypt, and America’s Most Wanted.

Later…

Commercial time again.

Still no call about Bob’s nude picture I had Kim send Fran. He must not suspect me at all. He never mentioned or asked me about it.

What?! Lindsay Wagner isn’t in this movie. That’s what they said, though.

Well, this movie oughta be over soon. It’s quite good, too. After, I’ll probably listen to music, then try to go to bed. Commercial’s over.

Later…

Got up at 11 AM today. I must’ve been having a hell of a dream, cuz I thought there’d been a huge crash, but Tom heard nothing. Also, I did have my fan on. I never could fall asleep last night till between 4:00 - 4:30.

Tom took off for his sister’s at noon.

I called my parents. I briefly spoke to Ma who has a cold still, but I had a longer, very nice chat with Dad. Larry, Andy and their two kids Larry and Jennifer are there. When I hung up with Dad, I called Tammy. She didn’t know they were there and she sounded quite shocked. Maybe angry, too. Almost as if to say, “Hey! That’s not fair!”

She sent me yet another message today, which was cool and I copied it in #57.

When Tom came home, we did laundry, made hamburgers, had fun and watched that prison movie I taped last night. He did a little computer work and went to bed at 7:30.

Before I began writing this entry, I typed a letter to my parents. I’ll be having a few letters to mail out tomorrow. Hope I get a letter tomorrow, too. Bob’s got 5 stamped envelopes to start putting to use.

I’m taping a movie right now. Right now I’m also going to have a cigarette.

Later…

I suppose there’s more “journal work” I could do later. I don’t believe I highlighted all the entries. Those that had pretty much the same color ink written all the way through them. Part of me wishes I could recopy some with pages missing that were old phone numbers, drawings, etc. Like 10 & 11 for example. I also regret “over-gluing” certain books, like with numbers 45 and 49. So many pages of them now are so crinkly and the book’s too full. They won’t even shut all the way.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1994 I just set the VCR to record Linda and Gloria, just in case I do end up falling asleep.

Yet another Thursday and Friday night have passed and what luck I’ve been having with the people across the street. That van disappeared and the music stopped all at once. I only hope my luck doesn’t run out.

I wonder if my brother will ever show up again. Part of me says yes and part of me says no but it’s up to him. My parents have mentioned possibly coming here in the summer, but summer to me could be from late May to early September. Especially out here. I assume they either mean June, July or August. I’ll have to see. If my brother, parents, sister or whoever comes, I hope Tom can handle it. I think he’s past his problem with out-of-state company now. Plus, we had a long discussion and I told him that although it’ll be very seldom that I do get out of state company, I’m not going to go through problems with him every time someone comes out. The next time will tell, but I think he’s learned to deal with it.

You know, I have read all these brief little notes and reminders I’ve written and so far not one of them makes one bit of sense to me.

Well, I gotta go lay down. I’m very tired, but I don’t know if I can sleep yet. If not, I’ll write more later.

Later…

I just did part of a 20-minute workout video and later I’ll do the other half.

Tom went to a computer store with his sister Mary who’s got a computer that Tom’s now putting together.

Tom said she really liked my big cactus on the living room wall in front of the door.

I was lying in bed, being very lazy till almost two hours ago.

An hour ago I showed Tom the tape of Linda and Gloria. They were the first two on. They each spoke for two seconds and sang one song.

Here’s my review: Linda has never looked so horrible in all her life. She’s gained a ton of weight and her hair is pitiful. It’s cut up above her ear. She brilliantly sang Por Un Amor, but as usual, she stood still. Never moved around. I think Linda’s a way better singer, but Gloria’s a better performer. Gloria moves around with lots of spunk and energy.

Linda’s got two albums out I have to get. One’s in Spanish and the other is in English.

Gloria sang Coming Out of the Dark and she looked hot. It was before she cut her hair and it was darker like her natural color. Not that reddish color she seems to have a lot.

After this, I took a bath, brushed my teeth, put lotion all over me, worked out, and now who knows what I’ll do next? I think I may listen to music and sing. I forgot to check for messages, so I will now.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 1994 When Tom came home we talked for an hour or so and ate some ice cream. Then, he went to bed.

We had a very short wind/rainstorm, so, Tom said he’ll put my mail out tomorrow on his way to work. I have letters to my parents, Fran, Bob and Kim. Also, two NPNs. One has a lost cat ad in it, but I totally forgot what I put in the other one.

My period is just beginning to taper off, but like I said, by the end of this month I’ll be PMSing for my next one which isn’t due till the 13th. Boy, do I want a hysterectomy! If it were painless with petty side effects, I’d love one.

I tried calling Nervous and he gave me the same old, “I’m busy” shit as the last time. This guy is a day person, yet he’s busy at 1:00 in the morning? That was his time, too. You know, each month I feel less and less into talking to the guy and writing him, which I seldom do much of either these days. I have enough of him on tape and to be frank, it’s just not like it used to be. Back in Springfield (especially Oswego St.), it was different. While he’ll always be a desperado, he’s over the hardcore obsession with me and I’m long-distance now. That’s why it’s not the same for me. There’s no fun in playing with him anymore, cuz you can’t get the old reactions from him that were funny and entertaining. It’s not the same for him either cuz I’m 3,000 miles away and he no longer lives alone. I can’t see this girl there for more than a handful of months, but I’m still 3,000 miles away. The only way it would be like the old times would be if I still lived there, didn’t know Andy, and he was alone and perhaps jobless like he was when we first met. I wish that he was somehow forced to live out here. Then, you bet your ass I’d be having lots of fun with him when I wasn’t spending the quality time I love to spend with Tom. In the future, I won’t waste money calling him, but if I were on the line and Fran called - fine.

Later…

I just copied in a message from Tammy. Typed a combination strange/fuck-you letter to Nervous. Hey, I got bored. I also did one of my workout videos and watched some TV.

Tom will be home soon and he has the weekend off.

Later, I’ll probably do some editing. I have about 6 more tapes, then there’ll be nothing more to edit. Not from Nervous anyway.

A Current Affair is about to be going on, so I think I’ll go watch it and I’ll write later.

Later…

I’m in one of those very lazy moods. There are things I could be doing, but I don’t feel like doing any of these things. At least not right now. I need to eat, then I’ll have more energy.

Tom’s not here yet, as I did ask if he could pick up some cigarettes. I kind of want to go out to dinner tonight, but it’s Friday night. All the restaurants will be zoos. With 10 million screaming kids.

Later I may read back through some of my earlier journals, like 1988 and 1989.

What I really want to do is to go swimming and get laid, but I’m sure Tom will be too tired. The poor guy has to get up at 6 AM. I doubt he’d even want to go out to dinner.

Here he is now.

Later…

I was just holding the pig, and man oh man is that thing ever all lovey-dovey and desperate for attention tonight! Every time I put him back in his cage and walk away he squeaks like hell.

When Tom got home he took me to get a take-out order from KFC, and he crashed when we came back.

I watched some of the Winter Olympic games that are going on now in Lillehammer, Norway. The only things I like are ice skating and gymnastics, but gymnastics is in the Summer Olympics.

I can’t wait to see Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan and how the crowd reacts toward them. They’re in the middle of this huge scandal now. Those two are the only ones representing the US and supposedly Tonya’s involved in setting up and masterminding an attack on Nancy’s knee to try to disable her from the Olympics.

At 1:30 there’ll be a half-hour show with guess who? Both Gloria and Linda. What luck, huh?

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1994 Well, Tom came running home, grabbed me and hugged the holy hell out of me. He said he was worried all day about “this old man” being sick so long and therefore he feared losing me.

Never. It’s not his fault he had a cold and I’ve been much sicker for much longer. If anyone understands what he’s going through, it’s me.

We had a nice talk about several different things.

After he went to bed, Andy called and gave me two pieces of great news. He went to that guy’s house and was impressed with his studio. He’s going to start with 3 songs, all for only $100 apiece. That sure beats $400 - $500 a song. This surely is promising.

In a few weeks, he’s going to switch to 2nd shift at Denny’s. He misses the nightlife and us being able to be together more. I’ve been dying for him to be a night person.

Later…

Just finished typing my parents a 2-page letter. Also, played with my pig.

Later yesterday afternoon, my period hit full force. With my luck, though, I’ll have PMS for the next period by the end of this month.

Later…

Boy, do I feel shitty now! I’ve got that out-of-breath feeling and I’m so tight. My chest feels as if it’s got a ton of bricks on top of it.

I laid out for a bit today. Like yesterday, the sun was going in and out. It was very warm, though, that was for sure. I typed some letters, sang, watched TV, and did some word-find puzzles.

My stomach’s been bugging me too, and I’m so hot. I just turned my portable heater off.

Remember I said I made a half-shirt? Well, I put black lace straps on it and now it looks really nice and doesn’t keep slipping down on me.

I think I’ll just lie down till 6:00. At 6:00 there are going to be shows on that I’m going to tape.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1994 I watched a movie I taped on Cinemax, typed a letter to Fran and shortly I’ll be off to bed.

I really like my next two journals, but I sure hope I can find more like this one. Numbers 50, 55, and 59 have some of the ugliest covers. It’s the big colorful pages with fat lines that I love. I’m more and more into hardcovers these days. They pull out off the shelves easier, whereas two cloth ones side by side stick and you pull out more than one at a time. Also, if I were to drop a drop of coffee or something on a cloth cover, it’d be harder to wipe off.

On and off all night I’ve felt as if my period began, but no sign of it. I’ll probably wake up with it tomorrow. That’s how it usually works.

Well, one more smoke, then bedtime.

Later…

Well, I am outside now and it is a beautiful day. I mean beautiful! They say it’s 80º today. It’s perfect with a slight breeze and fairly cloudy too. This way the sun’s not blinding me and these pages aren’t glaring.

I’m still not sure if I have my period, but I feel like I do. Once again, I’m spotting. Today’s spot, though, was a little bigger than yesterday’s spot and the spot the day before yesterday’s. It was about the size of two quarters.

Later…

I didn’t lay out for as long as I should’ve. It’s just that it’s sooo boring!

I kind of got my period. It’s a case of way more cramps for the period or the period that doesn’t fit the cramps. It’s a very half-assed one, but I hope next month is different. I had to take 2 Ibuprofen instead of 1 and I began bloating and pre-cramping a whole fucking 2 weeks ago. Tammy says this happens to her, too, sometimes, but she never skips.

At least I know, as it’s only logical, that I’m sterile. Aside from my gut feeling and woman’s intuition, the research makes it logical. Tom read how DES girls have extra tissue that looks like lacerations, inflamed services, and painful intercourse. I have all that, therefore, it’s only logical that I also have a sure case of sterility. How do I feel about this? Sometimes sad, but grateful for the most part, as I could never handle a kid. I can’t be a constant, everyday day person, be woken up a million times, deal with the pain and damage it would do to my body, give up my peace and freedom, and I certainly have no patience or tolerance and would only be another Dureen. Tom says he doesn’t believe it’d be a financial struggle or come between us. I strongly disagree.

Speaking of good old Dureen, well, she has another bad cold. Oh well, at least Dad’s okay.

Tom will be home any minute. Another thing I have mixed emotions about. We both mutually love each other very much and want to always be together, but I sometimes wonder if he knows just how much I really really do love him. It’s not that I feel I’m not good enough for him, but I don’t want to say the wrong thing and have him feel hurt or disappointed. Or find out today that I said something two months ago that hurt him, but I didn’t think it did.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1994 Today I got up at 10:30. I spoke to Andy as it’s his 32nd birthday today.

Most recording studios charge between $40 - $60 bucks an hour, but Andy’s going to go check out this guy who works out of his house and charges $12 an hour. He only charges $12 cuz he wants to buy lots of expensive equipment and he figures he’ll get more business this way. Could be promising. I called Tammy and told her about it.

Tom got home an hour or so after I got up and we went grocery shopping. When we came home we fired up the spa and went in. It was a little cool but nice. I missed it. It was a beautiful day today.

I also received a Valentine’s card from Mom and Dad. She signed it and said: Hi to Tom, too! She had the I love you stamps in sign language on the envelope.

Later…

My period’s up to new and different tricks every month. For a long time now, I’m always either right on schedule or a day or two early. I was due today, yet all I had was one tiny spot. The thing that’s even weirder is that for the last two weeks, I’ve been feeling as if I were to get it any second. I was bloated and pre-cramping, but now I’m skinnier than I have been in weeks. Tom noticed this, too. The last week especially, I’m sitting there and all of a sudden I feel I’ve got it, but I don’t. Well, when Tom told me women commonly skip periods, and I also read this, I said, “Hey! That’s not fair. What about me?” So, I prayed and begged God to let me skip one. It either worked, or I’m just going to be late.

I skipped for nearly 3 years, but that was due to the Navane and look how fat it had gotten me. My periods have been pretty consistent since 1985.

Tom went to bed a couple of hours ago. He still feels sort of lousy with a horrible cough.

I spoke to Andy and Fran. Andy and I also tried to call Nervous. He amazingly answered but claimed to be soooo busy. I asked if he was getting laid. No, he said, so who knows what the hell he’s up to. Maybe he had to bring Crystal down from a trip or bail her out of jail.

Oh! I forgot to mention what Bob enclosed in one of his letters. The flowers on the left upper and right lower corners of the outside front cover of this book. I love them. You rub them on with a stick. I hope he sends more. They look so much like a part of this book and I’d like to put them on other journal covers.

Later…

I’m going to do something I should’ve done at the very beginning of this book. The previous book (#57) is Book of Letters #7. Well, I wrote up one page, before I knew it was to be Book of Letters #7. Luckily it is only one page. On February 4th, Friday at 3:30 PM, I wrote: I just finished the last 16 pages or so in my previous journal drawing flower outlines. Eventually, I’ll go back and colorize them.

Also copied from #57 - 5:31 PM, I wrote: I am recording a movie right now and waiting as patiently as I can for Tom to get home. I want to have some fun! I have a very sexy negligee on now. Not that it’s what I need to get fun, but I like to wear stuff like this every now and then. I sewed 4 negligees. Mainly on the straps. I’ve got 3 old tank tops. Tomorrow I think I’ll cut and hem those into half-shirts. I sure do have lots of nice clothes. I should wear them more often, even if I’m not going anywhere.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1994 A lot has happened since I last wrote.

A couple of days ago I got two letters from Bob, one from Kim with a letter enclosed she got from Bob and a postcard from Alex who moved to Illinois.

Last Saturday Tom and I went to the swap mart. It was OK, but I only got some perfumed lotion.

Yesterday started off to be a good day, but it quickly got shitty. Tom and I went to Fiesta Mall in Mesa. I got two journals and now I have a grand total of 60. After the mall, we got pretty pissed at each other, argued all day, and said mean things to each other. When we got home, we talked it out and looked at it as a learning experience, rather than a setback. We each talked about the stuff we need to work on. I’m sometimes too defensive and I interrupt a lot, and he denies things we both said or isn’t clear enough when he expresses his thoughts. We’re so much alike and so much different at the same time, but I think we’re more different than alike.

We typed each other Valentine’s letters after. How sweet, huh?

We worked this dispute out a lot faster than the one about Larry and way faster than the one with Kim. The thing that’s different for the better about us is that we seldom get mad at each other. Also, when we do get mad we stick together and stick it out. We don’t want to leave or call it quits.

Also on last Saturday, well, it was one of those fun kinds of frustrating days. We went to a fabric store and got two 14” pillow cushions and two really pretty fabric patterns. I had no problem sewing them, and I made a nice halter top too. When I tried to make a skirt and a dress, well, that was a whole different nightmare. The dress would’ve fit a 3-year-old.

Remember my songs My Time Has Come and Carry Me Away? Well, Tom wants me to record them so he can do arrangements on them. I took out my guitar to do a practice run through them and I couldn’t sing them. I asked myself why it was so hard when I didn’t have an eighth of the voice back then that I have today. Then it hit me and I was like - duh! I was a soprano then and now I’m a contralto. We transposed My Time Has Come down by my putting the capo on the 6th fret.

I did some singing today while Tom was at work, laid out, and watched TV. I also typed 6 letters to Mom and Dad, Kim, Bob, Alex, Fran and Nervous. Gotta go now, but I’ll write more about other shit later!

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1994 I couldn’t fall asleep till 11:00 last night. Maybe closer to midnight, but I set my alarm for 8:00 and amazingly I got up. I was really tired at first. Tom’s been up since 1:00. I taught him the alphabet and chapter 1 in the book The Joy of Signing. It was fun and he learns so fast.

Hopefully, in a couple of hours, it’ll be warm enough to get some color back. For the next week or so, it’ll only be in the mid-60s. Real soon, though, it’ll be warming up drastically.

Noon

Today I’m sending a roll of film out for $4. It’ll be here within a week.

I also went out and swept and raked leaves for something to do.

Tom’s much better today. No fever, just a cough.

Either tomorrow or the next day, we’re going to rearrange the living room. The pig’s going to be moved in there.

I just saw that punk across the street walk home with two other guys. I hope to God they don’t blast off. They’ve miraculously been quiet for about two months. This has taken a lot of stress off of me, but it’ll all come right back if they start their shit again. The fan’s a lifesaver, too.

In an hour or so, it should be plenty warm enough for me to throw on a suit and get some color.

I hope and pray I get lucky enough to skip my period. I read and even Tom had heard it’s fairly common for women to skip periods here and there.

Oh yeah? What about me? When will I get to be that lucky?

He’s working on his computer program now.

I need to go brush my teeth, then I’m going to head outside.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 1994 Well, this is certainly weird and different for me. I am at Tom’s doctor’s office. It sure is strange not being the one who has to be seen, but nice for a change.

I was just looking through a child magazine. Some of it actually seemed interesting. In a way, it’d be nice if Tom and I could be married now in order to be on the same insurance, have a kid, enjoy it, then get rich and famous when the kid’s 3-5. I’d also like to try the smoking classes, despite my doubts.

In reality, though, I’m just going to hang loose till and if I ever do become a singer. If I don’t, I’ll just work on computers.

A 6’ 4” butchy lady with a little boy just sat down. What an odd sight, but I’ve known some butches who were wonderful with kids.

I hope Tom’s going to be alright. I hate to see him miserable. He can’t work, eat, or have sex. I asked if he wanted me to go in with him, but he’s much braver than me. They called him in right away, but it’ll probably be a long time before he gets out.

Boy, everyone here looks different than I do.

Later…

Boy, was I ever wrong about waiting a long time. Just as I finished he came out of the office. He has a cold, but they didn’t give him anything. In a day or two, they’ll know if he has strep throat. I hope not.

I aired the place out when we got home and he went to bed.

I typed several letters today to Bob, Fran, Andy, Nervous and Kim. It’s been a while since I wrote Nervous. Tammy sent a message on Prodigy today. I printed it out, copied it into #57 and sent it to Nervous, along with Fran’s new number. I typed Andy a 2-page birthday letter using many different fonts. Tom also tried making him a 2-page banner for me saying: Happy Birthday, you Femmy, from the Bitch. It didn’t exactly come out perfect, but I’m sending it anyway. On it, there are 4 pictures I drew of Gloria that were scanned into the computer month ago. Lastly, I’m sending 2 pages of my different flower drawings. He’s getting 6 pages total, but I used 2 envelopes. One’s got the flowers and the banner, while the other has the letter.

I’m hungry now, so, I shall go make a TV dinner or something.

Later…

Boy, I’ve been eating like a little pig lately! Oh well, I’m already bloated and going to get my period real soon.

I’m taping a movie now which will be over at 7:00. Then, there are my usual Wednesday night shows - Unsolved Mysteries, Now and Law & Order.

In other news, I shaved my pussy as best as I could. It’s not an easy item to shave. Especially the lips around the clit. Right after I shaved, though, I threw on tons of hydrocortisone cream so my butt doesn’t end up on fire like the last time. That didn’t tickle.

I hope Tom’s sleeping well. I heard him cough, but I hope he sleeps it off. So far, it doesn’t look as if I’ll catch what he’s got, thank God. This is my first time being around a sick person without catching what they have. I’ve been free of colds and flues for about a year. If I were still dancing, though, I’d have probably caught something from someone. I’m not around lots of apartment people anymore, either.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1994 Tom said to write good things about him. I said I always do. The poor guy’s really sick right now with a cold. Me? I’m PMSing. I’m big-time bloated, my tits hurt and I’m so warm. At least I finally got unstuck today and yesterday.

Andy came over and I saw his new car and showed him my artwork. He wants me to do a huge cactus in his place. Some plants, too. I took his picture and he took one of me alone and one of me and Tom together. I finished the whole roll, so soon I’ll be mailing it out.

I spoke to Dad last night twice. He’s feeling better. Fran called, too.

There was a huge hailstorm here today, and Tammy said they were in the middle of a huge storm.

Got a postcard from Kim. Soon I’ll type up more letters. Just been lazy I guess.

Later…

Tom has a fever, and if he still does tomorrow when he wakes up, he’s going to call his doctor.

Tomorrow I plan on typing more letters and I may do some editing. Unfortunately, I couldn’t lay out in the sun as it rained and hailed all day.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1994 Grrr, I hate being stuck. Darn stomach.

There was no answer when I called Ma. I left a message. I talked to Tammy, though. She got the pictures.

Yesterday I had a first-time yet great sexual experience. Tom managed again to get inside me. While inside me, he stimulated my clit with his fingers and I came. I’ve never been able to cum before with anything inside me. Not even fingers.

Today, poor Tom’s stuck in bed with a cold and I’ve been drinking prune juice. Still no joy yet. (sighs with frustration)

Guess I’ll go type some letters now.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1994 Got an awesome paper journal! Love it! It’s the nicest of all. A little more expensive at $13, but well worth it. I love the cat drawings which will give me more ideas for wall drawings, or whatever. I also love this paper. It’s slicker and much easier to write on. There was a postcard in here to send away for catalogs. I’ll mail it out today.

Tom and I got up today around 7 AM.

Ma called to say Dad’s surgery went fine and in a few days he’ll be home. She brought him the flowers I drew and the pictures I sent. I also told her to give him a lollipop when he wakes up and gets out of the recovery room, just as he’d do for me when I had ear surgery.

Boy, do I love this journal! I also love how the pages are numbered, so I don’t have to do that myself.

Tom and I went out to finally get him a nice pair of black Velcro sneakers.

Then, after I got this book we went to Denny’s. It was shitty. The food was cold, it took forever, and the place was infested with rowdy kids.

When we got home I laid out in the sun.

Soon, Tom and I are going to have some fun.

I may have an early period. I am bloated big time.

Oh, almost forgot, we also looked in two thrift stores. I got a satin bodysuit for only $2.

Later…

Well, I guess Tom and I aren’t having any fun. He’s very very tired.

There’s not much else going on right now, so I guess I’ll just go kick back and relax. Till later!

Later…

Tom’s gone to bed and soon I’ll be doing the same. In the meantime, we did another survey with the same questions I wrote out and we did in #55. We’ll do it again around April 1st. Here are the questions:

Will the business work out? J-100 T-75

Will we be married? J-100 T-99

Divorced? J-0 T-1

Live on some land? J-85 T-50

Will the people across the street play 1-3 times a week? J-85 T-25

Will I be a singer? J-40 T-95

Dancer? J-30 T-50

Model? J-25 T-50

Have a kid? J-0 T-25

Will you lose weight? J-100 T-40

Will I? J-50 T-60

Ever make a demo? J-40 T-95

Quit smoking? J-0 T-95

Will you get all the stuff you want? J-100 T-1

Andy left a message a very short while ago asking if I wanted him to come over tonight. By the time he was to get here, I’d be way too tired and out of it. Still, I can’t wait till I do see him. I have so much to show him. My wall art, journals, etc.

Later…

I just talked to Andy. He will be over within the next few days.

I’m now taping shows from now to 11:00. Cops, Tales from the Crypt, and America’s Most Wanted. I still have a movie I taped to see with Valerie Bertinelli in it. I’ll save it for days when Tom works.

Tomorrow morning, he and I are going grocery shopping.

I keep telling myself to hurry up and hit the sack, but I’m not going to sleep for 12 hours. I don’t want to sleep past 7 AM. There’s no hurry.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1994 As a surprise, I ordered Tom some address labels.

A few days ago I got 6 new CDs. Carly Simon and Reba McEntire didn’t really have any songs I like. John Lennon has one song I like and Abba’s Greatest Hits has lots of great songs. Lastly, I got two Prince CDs and there are several songs I like. A few sure do remind me of the bars when I was dancing.

Yesterday morning Ma called telling me Dad’s to be operated on this Saturday. His arteries are blocked, so they’re going to open them so he doesn’t have a stroke like Nana Bella did. They didn’t have this procedure when Nana Bella was alive. Thank God they do, or else he’d have a stroke like she did and be paralyzed on one side. They’re going to run tests on him all day today, mainly CT scans.

I cried all day and Tom held me when he came home. He’s such good support. The thought of it being the last time I saw Dad when I flew here is scary. God, I hope he comes out here! Ma said maybe this summer. She also said she got my picture, it was beautiful, and she put it on her dresser. I wasn’t too sure, and I thought it’d end up with Tammy. She gave me Dad’s room number to call. We spoke briefly and Tom listened by the speakerphone as I talked to both of them.

I also called Tammy yesterday. We had a long talk. I told her how much I want Dad to see me happy. She said he knows I’m happy. True, and that’s fine, but he’s never seen me happy personally, in person.

She also went on to tell me a long story about Lisa. This was the emergency that came up a while back and had her all upset. Lisa had a friend, Stacey, who was a bad influence on her and was rebellious cuz her parents beat her. She says Lisa can’t stand on her own two feet and was Stacey’s puppet. She forbids Lisa to see her and I guess Lisa’s been really bad about chores and lying and stuff like that.

Then, she went on to say the state launched an investigation on her for child abuse. I guess Stacey told the school psychologist there were bruises on Lisa’s shoulders. Lisa said she was constantly yelled at and grounded. Yeah, I believe that one. Tammy yells a lot. She says, though, she barely ever hits her and when she does, it’s on her rump. This I don’t believe, even though I didn’t tell her. I’ve seen her hit Lisa and knock her to the floor. I also know how tense, serious, bitchy, hysterical, and carried away she can get, too. She’s told me she’s doing what mom did, as that’s all she knows. This is why I fear having a kid. Part of me fears I’d be like my mom, the other part says, “Nah, you’re calmer, more together, and you have a great supportive, patient, calm understanding guy like Tom is here.”

The poor kid would have so many health problems, though. Heart and lung problems, possible defects, arthritis and God knows what else.

I love my sister and she too, is way overdue for peace and happiness. I hope she finds it, but Bill is not like Tom and I. He’s not as tense as Tammy can be and doesn’t yell as much, but he’s not Mr. Calm, Sensitive, and Understanding of the Year, either. Tammy said he got so mad at Lisa that he punched the door so as not to hurt her. Yeah, I can see that. I can’t picture Tom doing that, though.

Later…

I just talked to Tammy for a while since our Sprint bill was only $29. I also called Fran at his new number. He wants oh so badly to talk to Sabrina. Called Nervous too, at work. He said, “I don’t want to talk to you here.”

I said I’d call later at his place, but as usual, there was no answer. I just tried a little while ago.

Tammy still hasn’t heard from Larry and Ma says he’s in Texas. She says she’ll tell him to contact me. It’s up to him, but I don’t want his phone number, cuz I don’t want to be blamed if anyone ever decides to prank him.

I had this cloth dress, like a tank top dress. It’s blue and white striped. It was a little long on me and the ends were getting stringy. I hemmed it, along with the sleeves of this cool colorful shirt Andy gave me.

I typed a letter to my parents, and I wish to hell I could go swimming now!!

I told Tom I saw the punk across the street. He thinks he smashed his van and is grounded, but has been there all along. More power to him if he did crack that fucking van up.

Going to go try Nervous again.

Later…

Finally! Nervous answered and believe it or not that broad’s still there. The fucking thing wouldn’t let me talk to him, though. She rambled and about just getting out of jail and being all tripped out. The girl was flying high as a kite! Nerv said she was just tired and was trying to keep her away from the phone, denying anything was wrong, but this bitch is fucked up!

I told him about my dad and Larry. He said, “You told me.”

See? He does read my letters. Luckily this bitch doesn’t steal my letters. At least, I don’t think she does, but my God! This girl was tripped out, making no sense. The things she said and the way she said them were of a typical tripper. I hope she doesn’t fuck up Nervous’s life too. He could go down with her. She gives me bad vibes. In the same sentence, she’d ask me how I was, then say that 4 girls went down in jail as she got out on $6,000 bail and all kinds of gibberish. And no, this is nothing like when Andy and I’d do our phone gibberish.

I can’t feel this girl around too much longer, but then again, if she fucks over Nervous, well, he’s fucked over people himself, you know. Knowing him, he may very well deserve this. This is all he’s good for and can get, in a way. Totally the type of chick he’d get. Totally.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1994 Today Tom made it all the way inside me!!! It didn’t even hurt, but if it wasn’t for the KY jelly - forget it. I don’t know how people screw without it cuz it definitely would’ve hurt without it. We’ve been having these early-morning romantic get-togethers before he goes to work.

I’m going to try as hard as I can to be a day person for a few reasons. One is cuz he’s on a day schedule, and also so I can get some sun and some color. I’m also going to try to cut down on the smokes.

So, at least the DES didn’t make my tunnel crooked. Dr. Kolnick said the DES could’ve done worse things to me. All the DES did to me was make my cervix red, make me sterile, and knock off an ear (unless that was really caused by Ma’s smoking). Better my ear, though, than an arm or a leg. He said I’m actually roomy in there. I feel so much better and like a real woman. No longer do I feel like a freak. It feels great to know I can screw and that we’ll be married someday, and the statistics don’t scare me. Yes, most guys are jerks, but not this guy!

Later…

Well, now’s as good a time as any to get on with my writing, before I get backed up.

Andy got a new car. A Plymouth Reliant, so he’s happy. We’ll be seeing each other within the next few days.

I sent off two orders of address labels for him. One in the name of Andy and the other in Mark. It all totaled around $12. This will be his birthday present. I also got my other order of silver prism labels. They are so nice. One’s in my next journal. I used all 250 of the last batch. They were yucky.

Believe it or not, Tom set up the sewing machine and got me started. Man, this guy’s smart! His mom used to sew a lot. I hemmed two shirts and I’ll be hemming other stuff soon. I have 12 payments of $10.79 for the sewing machine. I just sent in payment #1. For ordering the sewing machine, they sent other little gifts. A salt & pepper shaker, a key chain, a nail filer, and two magnetic picture frames. I have them on the refrigerator. One’s got a picture of my nieces in it and the other’s got one of Gloria. Lastly, they sent a pin that I put on one of the lampshades in the living room. It was easy, as this shade’s pleated. The little lamp by the couch has a non-pleated white lampshade. I drew flowers on it and it looks really nice.

I saw something today that worries me. Well, it’s been so nice and peaceful and quiet across the street, but will my luck soon run out? I saw two women in a car drop the kid off. He had a bike in their trunk and a knapsack. Has he been there all along? Is it just the van that’s been gone? Who knows, but I have confidence in this fan keeping shit from waking me up. It works a million times better than the radio. I wish I’d had it long ago.

Later I’ll write about new CDs, my dad, and a talk I had with Tammy.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1994 I sure got lots of mail yesterday. A postcard from Kim and my address labels, which weren’t too impressive. They’re not as nice as my last group, but the other ones I’ll be getting any day now will be the nicest of all. I went and stuck tons of them on my CD and tape covers.

I also got my pictures back. Five of them were too dark, taken before I got the flash. The rest came out OK. The wall drawings came out better than I thought they would. My parents and Tammy will each be getting 18 pictures.

Lastly, I got that Singer mending machine and I think I’ll be sending it back. It’s impossible to understand or put together. I will not pay $80 to play rocket scientist.

I got a message from Fran yesterday saying he liked “Sabrina’s” letter. He asked for a picture of her. Sure. No problem. I sent the one of Tara from the VV.

I do have more to write about, including a nice talk with Andy, but I’m just not in the mood now to write.

[swindle-comic]

Can you elaborate more on how you're aging the triplets up while keeping them close to Ducktales? What seems out of character now that they're young teens?

Side question- In general, how do you build your characters? I always worry about making one-dimensional and flat characters, and I was wondering if you had a specific process to make sure each character feels alive.

PS. You guys are doing an amazing job!

I consider 13-14 to be a strange awkward transitional period between kid and teenager, sorta like when you're losing your baby teeth but your permanent ones haven't grown in yet. As such, the triplets might seem a little off occasionally. This is a really weird time for them.

Louie is already interested in dating in swindle, an idea that would repulse his canon counterpart. Cuz he was a kid back then and dating was something grownups did that was dumb and gross and you made fun of them for it. Well, he doesn't feel that way anymore. But even so, he's still childish enough that even if he'd like a boyfriend, he still freaks out if a cute boy shows him any positive attention. He's never DONE this before!! He's never really a real crush before either. This is weird and new and he's still getting a handle on it.

There's also his anger in chapter 3. He's bitter and snappish and he's taking it out on the people around him. Not that his feelings of insecurity aren't justified and he probably would have still been upset about it if he was younger. He's also old enough now that he can fully understand why he's so mad and upset about it. But this explosive reaction is at least somewhat influenced by puberty. Teen rage at its finest.

Speaking of teen rage, Huey seems to be going through a lot of stuff. When I imagine canon Huey, I would say his default is cheerful. He was known to have a temper but he was happy more often than not. Swindle Huey on the other hand is pretty moody. He's easily irritated and seems stressed a lot of the time. I don't think he's getting a lot of sleep either, during a stage in his life where he needs more sleep than ever.

There's also this spike of....rebellion isn't the right word for it but like. Huey was a huge stickler for the rules in Ducktales. He still is here. To an extent. But the way he dropped all his morals for the sake of some fancy binoculars? That is whatever demon possesses people during their teen years. 14 year olds are on some different shit.

Huey seems to be emotionally maturing in some ways, while remaining childish in others. He knows in his heart of hearts that he doesn't agree with Louie's high school scam operations, he fairly assesses romance as a good thing but recognizes that he doesn't feel old enough for it yet, and he tries to comfort his little brother when he comes home upset. Although, Huey is still enough of a kid that he only sees the surface level reasons why Louie is upset and it doesn't occur to him that this has bruised his brother's self-esteem horribly, so Huey proceeds to mock him over it. So yeah, he's making progress but he hasn't quite got there yet.

Dewey seems to have the least amount of teen rage among the three of them so lucky him. If anything, he's mellowed out a bit from when he was younger. He's still upbeat, dramatic and energetic but not quite bouncing-off-the-wall hyper anymore. His ideas and ambitions are also a little more grounded in reality.

Something to note about Dewey is that he is the most adventurous of the triplets. He loves the thrill of a good ol' Scrooge McDuck escapade so you'd think that he'd be a little bothered that he and his brothers don't get to engage in that stuff as often anymore. (At least for the time being.) But no, here's the thing:

Dewey would like some time to discover himself outside of being a McDuck. He's trying to carve out a version of Dewey who goes to school and participates in clubs and sports teams and has sleepovers on the weekends, somebody who can co-exist with version of Dewey who lives a life of high stakes adventure. Dewey wants to make friends his own age, Dewey wants to make lifelong connections. Dewey has already been an extraordinary child, now he wants to give being an ordinary teen a try. He's not turning his back on the whole McDuck lifestyle obviously. Adventuring was his first love and it will be his last. He's just easing up on it, experimenting with other aspects of life and it will be there waiting for him when he's ready.

I know it's played as sorta silly but being in school, joining the drama club, all that stuff is a lot more personal and important to Dewey than the comic really acknowledges.

I also like to write him as little kinder than he used to be. Canon Dewey had a habit of loudly mocking Huey's nerd-ness. The thought crossed my head to have him make fun of Huey's clipboard in their opening chapter 3 scene but then I was like "nahhh, he's probably matured enough to know that's not cool." And he's being very sweet with Boyd. He also effortlessly realized that Louie had a crush on Ty, something Huey (who's actually interested in this kinda stuff.) was blind to. Like he's mature in ways his brothers aren't, same way they're mature in ways he isn't.

I briefly thought about Dewey maybe outgrowing the Dew puns but I was like "No, absolutely not. That would be like taking away a part of his soul."

Also it's not relevant to their characterization but I like to add in nods to physical development as well. I imagine that the triplets very recently went through a growth spurt and they're still adjusting to the long gangly-ness of their limbs. Makes them a little clumsy. Like that part where Louie lunges at Huey to grab his JWC, only to land flat on his face. And their voices are changing too, or at least Huey's is. You can tell in chapter 1 a part where his voice suffered a puberty crack, something Louie was kind enough not to point out. So yeah very awkward time for these kids.

Now, okay, let's see. Building characters:

I think you would need to start by building their surroundings. Because when it comes to some traits, you're born with them, things like bravery, intelligence, curiosity. But some traits, oftentimes the most significant ones, are learned, like kindness cruelty etc.

Think about their upbringing. Their family and friends or lack thereof. And remember that the exact same experience can affect people differently.

Say you have a pair of twins who were treated terribly when they were young. One becomes jaded and bitter, while the other learns from their treatment how important love is and is kind to everyone they meet. Nothing about their past is different. But they adapted differently because that is who they are as people.

Say a character grew up with a lot of siblings. Maybe because of this they never like being on their own. Or maybe this being surrounded by people so much as a child has made them actively seek out time alone whenever they can.

Did they grow up in the city or the countryside? Wealthy or poor? In a town where a sense of community is everything or in apartment building where they never even spoke to their neighbours? It's amazing how much little stuff this can influence a personality and their values.

Try to figure out their voice. Do they have a large vocabulary? Do they use a lot of slang? If they make an observation would it be a matter-of-fact statement or do they insist on throwing a joke into everything they say? Is their voice clear and distinct or do they mumble? Is their a reason they mumble?

Give them opinions. I would even say make them ridiculously opinionated. While they are absolutely people in the real world who are indifferent to almost everything, they do not translate well to the page. At least not unless you've figured out all the tricks to making them interesting.

But like honestly, even mentioning a character's thoughts on silly stuff like pineapple on pizza and whatnot, even if it has nothing to do with the story, it makes them feel so much more alive. That they live outside of the plot the author has shoehorned them into.

I'll mention something in a book I read recently just as an example. One of the characters was a girl who regularly dressed in rather odd clothes, many of which she made/altered herself. However, the clothes she wore were only described from the POV of other characters, absolutely as a way to make the reader think "omg shes so quirky." But this happened so frequently that you would expect that this character has a lot of passion for this kind of thing. But nope. When it comes to the POV of the girl herself, it's never on her mind. She never mentions enjoying making her own clothes or expresses her annoyance with a faulty sewing machine or whatever. She never gets distracted from the plot to glance at the interesting pattern on a curtain and think to herself "God I'd love to make a dress out of that." The extent of her interest in clothes is never any more than descriptions of what she's wearing. Dressing a character weird and characterizing her as weird are not the same thing. Try not to fall into this kind of thing. Remember your character's personality at all times.

Alright I have no idea what else to tell you. Hope this helps somewhat.

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (9)

(c!technoblade x fem!reader)

(so people showed they liked chapter 8 well enough so I wrote chapter 9! also how miffed would everyone be if... this was also maybe a dreamxd x reader fic? like idk i’m just having some persuasive thoughts. also don’t forget to show this chapter some love or I won’t have the motivation to do chapter 10! reblogs and comments are the best! <3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wilbur did not like this ‘Reader’ person. God she was just as bad as Quackity, coming into L’manberg and making demands and acting like they even HAD a say in HIS country. Now more than ever he wished he’d have just exiled Quackity instead of humoring him with this ridiculous election. There shouldn’t BE an election. HE was the rightful president of this country! He fought and died for this country. Put his blood, sweat, and tears into it! HIM! Not them! 

“-ur?”

This whole election thing was a mistake. He should have just listened to his gut.

“ilbur?”

But he’d been pressured by everyone to ‘be fair’ or whatever. Nobody knew what was best for L’manberg but HIM. 

“Wilbur!”

The curly brunet jolted a bit at the sudden shout to his left, he blinked and felt himself unfurrow his eyebrows before looking over at his vice president. Said teenager was looking at him curiously, eyebrows raised in a questioning way. No doubt wondering what his friend was doing just standing there silently and chewing on his thumbnail like a madman. He was still tense but gave a quick ‘sorry’ before saying he was just lost in thought.

Tommy gave a semi awkward laugh and joked that it looked like he was trying to catch the wall he was staring at on fire just by staring at it. Wilbur gave a polite chuckle at the younger man’s attempt at mood lightening humor before sobering instantly and saying in a deadly serious tone that had the blond stiffening up anxiously,

“I don’t like this ‘Reader’ person you’ve been hanging out with Tommy. She seems really judgmental and arrogant. Not to mention her attitude. She’s argumentative and childish. She very clearly doesn’t care about you or L’manberg.”

That last part hit Tommy right in the chest like the blow from a size 12 boot. How could Wibur say that? You did care! You did! You wouldn’t have-.. People who don’t care wouldn’t-.. 

Tommy’s hurt showed on his face, making Wilbur sigh in sympathy before clapping the younger boy on the shoulder and saying that it would be best for him to just focus on the L’manberg election. This Reader person was just serving as a distraction from Tommy’s job as vice president anyways. And Tommy didn’t want that, right? Wilbur had entrusted him to be his VP over everyone else. He couldn’t slack on that, right? Tommy just gave a mumbled ‘yeah, s’pose not’ but it was clear he didn’t have his heart in it, though that was all the affirmation Wilbur needed to think the conversation was over..

-0-

You sat in the audience with Tubbo and Fundy for a bit while the candidates talked to each other up on the stage. Fundy seemed sweet, if not a bit mischievous. Though you supposed that should be expected from a fox hybrid. You smiled when his ears went back after you asked why his uniform was a lighter color than the others, unable to not think he looked adorable. But when he huffed, pretty obviously upset but trying not to show it, you frowned. And you pursed your lips when he explained that it was in ‘baby colors’ because Wilbur thought it would be cute for his ‘little champion’ to have a different uniform compared to everyone else.

You couldn’t help but awkwardly ask, “Aren’t you an adult though?” To which Fundy gave a slightly loud and exasperated, “YES!” that made you feel sorry for the poor hybrid. You gave him a reassuring look and said that well if he didn’t like the uniform then he didn’t have to wear it. Or if he liked it save for the color then just dye it darker to match the others. Fundy looked a bit put out and replied that he’d thought about dying it or just not wearing it but then his dad would be all depressed and hurt. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and say that he shouldn’t set himself on fire to keep others warm.

“You don’t have to do whatever your dad wants you to just because he’s your dad or cuz he’ll be sad. You’re an adult now Fundy. It’s time you make decisions for yourself in mind, not your dad.”

Fundy started up at you with wide eyes, like he’d never heard anyone tell him that before. Which was worrying but you put it out of your mind before continuing,

“Caring about others is important, yes. But you can’t let yourself be miserable just to avoid maybe making your dad sorta bummed out. That doesn’t seem fair to you.”

Tubbo chimed in from his spot to your left and said that the uniform was a symbol of their independence from the Dream Smp, they wore it to show they were loyal to L’manberg. He didn’t say it accusingly or even angrily, just in a factual matter-of-fact way. You said that might be true but then asked why Fundy’s uniform was different? Shouldn’t they all look the same if they supposedly stood for the same thing? If they’re meant to have a deeper meaning then they shouldn’t be altered for a joke. You said he had to see how that would make Fundy feel left out. You asked how Tubbo would feel if he were the only one with a different uniform and stood out. The brunet boy’s goatish ears drooped and he mumbled that he’d be sad. You ruffled his hair and turned back to Fundy.

“Look Fundy, if you wanna keep wearing the uniform as it is, that’s fine. If you wanna wear it but only after altering the color, that’s also fine. But if you wanna drop the uniform altogether then that’s fine too. It’s up to you, Fundy.”

Fundy looked contemplative, like he’d never thought he’d had a choice in the matter. But here he was with three whole options thanks to you. He honestly wasn’t sure which one he’d end up choosing, he had a lot to think about. But he gave you a grateful little smile and soft ‘thanks’ that made the corners of your lips quirk up. Though your chat soon came to an end when Fundy saw Niki approaching. He and Tubbo waved happily to her and gestured for her to come over. She stared up at you with mostly hidden surprise and said hello before Fundy introduced you both. Niki looked almost shy as she gave a short wave up to you. You chuckled and greeted her warmly and said you liked her uniform, pointing out hers was a different color than the others, like Fundy’s. She looked down at her blue version of the L’manberg uniform and flashed a grin and said,

“Yeah, I just liked the lighter blues better than the bright red and navy.”

You brightened and gently tapped Fundy’s shoulder with the back of your hand and cheerfully pointed out that if Niki could choose to alter her uniform from the original she was given then he should be able to do the same no problem. His ears twitched happily and he grinned, showing off his canines and nodding. This led Niki to asking him what you meant and him explaining he wasn’t happy with how his uniform was dyed. She agreed with you, if he wasn’t happy then he should change the color. But she joked that he should avoid any bright greens… Fundy let out a bark of laughter before Niki gasped and pointed out they, as in she and Fundy, had to go get ready. Tubbo raised an eyebrow and asked if they were still planning on running in the election. Fundy sighed and said yes, like he’d been giving that same answer repeatedly. He probably had been, sadly.. 

“Oh, you’re both running for president and vice president?” You asked good naturedly. 

Fundy nodded, waiting for you to give some kind of remark about him running, or how it was against his dad, or something else. But instead you just flashed him an encouraging smile and wished him and Niki good luck. You glanced at the fox hybrid and the blonde next to him before nodding and commenting that they both looked smart, with good heads on their shoulders. You thought they’d do just fine. Fundy’s tail was wagging from the genuine encouragement, making Niki giggle a little. The two did actually have to go get ready, so you and Tubbo said good luck and waved them off before chatting about this and that. The election speeches would be starting soon..

-0-

He was watching her again. 

He couldn’t help it. He’d started watching her just to ensure she wasn’t going to pose a threat to the server, but the more he watched her the more he started to actually enjoy it. She was like him and Drista, maybe not exactly, but more than anyone else on the server. But at the same time she was so incredibly different. Seeing her interact with villagers and mobs and now players was intriguing. She was so much more powerful than all of them combined, but she had no trouble blending in like she was just another player. End sake, most of them even seemed to gravitate towards her!

The only other time he’d seen a deity blend in so well with mortals was… Dream. But he tried not to think about that too much.

His currently invisible form phased through the building he’d been lurking beside, going up until he had a better view of the seats in the audience by the stage. He watched her and the small hybrid boy she’d endeared herself to bid a fox hybrid and blonde girl goodbye before taking their seats. He watched her sit and talk happily with the brown haired boy so easily. He wanted to learn to do that. It may be foolish but he wants to be like her. Happy, open, accepted, loved. He’s powerful, yes. He’s the most powerful being on this server without a doubt. But… it gets lonely. Sure Drista is around sometimes but she sleeps so often, preferring her dream world more than the waking one. And Dream… well that’s complicated. 

His brother and him have a… tense relationship after the whole ‘falling from grace’ debacle that happened so long ago. Dream barely speaks to him anymore. Actually the last time they’d spoken face to face was after that silly little war Dream had been in not too long ago. He’d told him that he just wanted to sleep afterwards. At the time he didn’t bother to involve himself in the daily lives of the server’s players like Dream did so he wasn’t exactly sure of the intricacies of the whole ‘disagreement’ that led to the fighting. But according to Dream some players wanted to govern themselves because drugs? It all sounded utterly stupid to him so he just sort of didn’t absorb any of the details Dream was complaining about. To him it seemed like the more involved with the players Dream got the more stressed out and tired he became. Though he hadn’t spoken to Dream since their last talk when Dream had vented about all of this. 

‘Perhaps I should visit my brother soon,’ the floating entity thought with a hum before he faded from the realm, drifting back to the End.

-0-

Some time had passed and during it you chatted with Tubbo casually, idly noting all the people who started to trickle into the seats around you. You recognized most in one way or another. Some more than others. Like you’d watched a good deal of the ‘main characters’ on the dsmp. And while you knew the names and skins of the lesser involved players you didn’t watch their videos much. Like Callahan, Punz, and Ponk. You knew the bare bones info about them. In fact most of what you knew was from clips and animatics you’d seen on youtube..

You tuned back into the election, watched from the front row as the rally began. It looked like Quackity was going first, alone too it seemed since George was nowhere to be found. Apparently he was ‘too busy being gorgeous’ to bother showing up. You pursed your lips when you noticed Quackity was sounding a touch nervous at first. Which you could understand, speaking in front of a crowd was always tough. Especially if you’re not really used to it, which even then you’d heard that public speakers said they never truly got rid of the jitters going out in front of a crowd causes. So you sent some good vibes to Quackity, he may not be the one you necessarily want winning this election but.. well you don’t want him to embarrass himself either. But it turns out he.. didn’t do great but didn’t bomb either. It didn’t help that the others running were making little comments through his speech. 

He spoke about caring about the people of L’manberg and how his endorsement was KSI, despite the fact KSI hadn’t replied back to him. Not a great start. Also Jesus Christ himself apparently. That had actually made you laugh a little. And you laughed louder when you heard the chime to signify you’d gotten a message, only in multiple around you. Turns out everyone had gotten a message from Dream on the main channel. 

<Dream> god endorses swag2020

Quackity laughed, cheering loudly while Wilbur rolled his eyes and Tommy sighed. Then it was Pog2020’s turn to show off their endorsements. The first of which being Vikkstar it seemed. You couldn’t help but think it was so surreal to see these… well normal people from real life being canon characters in the Dream SMP universe… apparently. Well that seemed to make the crowd go wild in disbelief and amusement while Tommy pounded his fist on the podium triumphantly while Wilbur cheered. After that Wilbur shoved Tommy aside so he could speak into the podium and said he also brought in an endorsement. And then he introduced…. Schlatt. You wanted to facepalm so bad. You’d actually forgotten this part from the videos. It had totally slipped your mind that Wilbur was the reason Schlatt even knew about the damn election in the first place. 

And to top it off the man was clearly drunk or at least hungover. He didn’t even seem to know where the hell he was. Idly you wondered when he got unbanned by Dream as you watched the messages from Schlatt roll through on the message system. It was mostly him asking where the fuck he was and if the ‘big fuckin’ wall’ he was next to was the Great Wall of China. You facepalmed and heard Tommy say he was going to go fetch him. Quackity was laughing and saying one of their endorsements was ‘some old man’, and you rolled your eyes because little duck boy was gonna be engaged to that ‘old man’ soon.. But you kept that tidbit to yourself. Though when Quackity called the ram hybrid ‘babe’ and he said to not call him that, making Quackity laugh you raised an eyebrow, figuring they were already together! Nonchalantly you wondered how much stuff you’d missed.

And then came the yelling.

Schlatt started rambling about how democracy was overrated and he didn’t ‘need a president’, how he’d be his own president. All while Tommy and Wilbur tried to talk over him and get him off the stage. Then he started shit talking Quackity, asking everyone if they really wanted HIM to be their president. Then he went on a tangent about how Quackity’s vice president ‘stole his woman’, which just caused everyone to laugh, even you. You have to admit, the man was funny if nothing else. Made you wish he wasn’t an alcoholic drug using abusive asshole. Blah Blah Wilbur stole his heart, blah blah Coconut 2020, etc that you were half listening to.

About then is when Tommy, still laughing at this whole debacle, glanced down and noticed you and Tubbo sitting in the front row. He gave a bright grin and waved to you both, to which you both smiled and waved back. This little interaction somehow managed to catch Schlatt’s attention, even through his booze addled ramblings. He just stopped mid sentence and stumbled over to Tommy and asked that the fuck he was even doing. Tommy gave an awkward laugh and said he was just waving hello to his friends. Schlatt gave him a ‘wtf’ look and scanned the crowd for who the blond boy was talking about. His horizontal oval pupils finally landed on Tubbo, making the boy give a slightly stiff wave to the older male. Schlatt stared at the boy for almost a full 20 seconds, making Tubbo sweat nervously. 

You could almost tell yourself that you saw a flash of recognition in the goat hybrid’s eyes, but before you could blink it was gone and he was instead turning to look at you. Your eyebrows lowered as his gaze perked up and a grin you’re not above describing as ‘sleazy’ crossed his features. His eyes raked over your form, making you give him an unamused look. Schlatt leaned over to Tommy, missing how the teen sorta leaned away from him, and asked who ‘the baddie with the fat ass’ was. Tommy grimaced and replied saying for the other man to not say something so gross. 

“That’s Reader, don’t say nasty shit about her man!”

Schlatt laughed and told the younger man to not be such a little bitch, he had to see how hot this woman was! The hair, the horns, the ASS! Before Schlatt could continue to make lewd comments about your person Quackity smacked him with a golden carrot and started cursing him out in Spanish. While the two argued Wilbur went up to the microphone and said that the ACTUAL people running were going to be going into the White House to have a little chat and they’d be right back. Then he and Tommy ran off, Quackity, Schaltt, Niki, and Fundy hot on their heels. Leaving the stage totally empty. Everyone in the audience gave each other side glances before looking up when you stood from your chair and headed to the podium. 

Tubbo blinked in surprise before hopping up and following after you, calling your name and asking where you were going. You ruffled his hair and said you just wanted to say one thing to everyone in attendance. He hummed and followed after you, curious to see what you were up to. You knew the outcome of the election, sadly, and didn’t think there was any way to change it really. But you wanted to impart some wisdom onto the citizens of L’manburg really quick before all those dorks came back after finishing their nonsense. So you sat down on the stage, legs hanging over the side by the podium, and grabbed the mic and sighed before saying to the crowd down below,

“Listen up everyone. I’m not part of the other campaigns or anything, but I wanted to just say something real quick to all of you.”

The crowd watched you with rapt attention, wondering who on the SMP you were. You started off with a light chuckle, saying you’d never been a public speaker so if you started rambling and not making a ton of sense then that was why. Then you took a breath and just said what was on your mind.

“I’m not here to endorse anyone or try to convince you to vote for this or that person. I just wanted to say that despite all the shenanigans going on today that this is actually supposed to be pretty serious. Goofing off aside, you all are going to be voting for the person in charge of your country. The person tasked with ensuring you are all safe and cared for. Being president is a big responsibility. One that shouldn’t be taken lightly.”

You looked at each person in the crowd, lots you knew OF but didn’t know personally. But you made sure to tell them what you thought a president should be.

“Being president shouldn’t be about having glory or power. It should be about working to make sure all your citizens are safe, happy, and above all; THRIVING. If the citizens are miserable or not being heard then the president has failed. So I want you all to think hard about who you want to vote into office. Who do you think will honestly care for your needs as a country? Who will defend you and ensure you’re all living your best lives?”

The crowd seemed to be listening to you, none of them had interrupted you anyways. And Tubbo was smiling, having apparently thought you’d done a good job speaking. But you heard the sound of approaching voices and sighed again. You’ve been sighing a lot today, but that’s not really a surprise is it? Instead of dwelling on it you conclude your speech with a simple,

“Just keep in mind who you’re voting for, because you’re going to be stuck with them for the next few years.”

Then you placed the microphone back on the podium and grabbed Tubbo around the waist, and to the boy’s shock you jumped down from the roughly 8 block high stage. He let out an involuntary high pitched yelp of shock that was abruptly cut off when you both landed on the ground unharmed. He blinked then started laughing, which made you begin to snicker. He shoved your shoulder and called you a bastard for freaking him out. You just teased him for even thinking you’d let him get hurt. He changed the subject when everyone saw Schlatt coming over, though you could tell he was happy to hear you cared. But the moment was over once Schlatt stumbled into the audience, looking more than a little out of it. He hobbled over to the bed Tommy had put down for him before he’d gone on stage and collapsed down onto it, for some reason in mismatched armor and clutching carrots. You had no idea where he got any of that stuff because he’d shown up with nothing but the suit on his back you thought.

But then Wilbur, Tommy, and Schlatt all came back from wherever they’d been while talking. And it didn’t look like they’d come to any peaceful resolution, though you’re not surprised. And you’re even further unsurprised when Quackity announced he was going to be pooling his votes with Schlatt. But that right now the debate was over and they just had to let the voting go on until the next day. So with that Wilbur ended the rally and bid everyone a pleasant rest of their day. And soon everyone had dispersed, leaving Tubbo and you waiting by the stairs that led up to the stage. Tommy walked down with Wilbur, the older of the two looking pensive. But as you all walked down the main path it seemed Wilbur was deep in thought. You watched him while Tommy and Tubbo chatted, but as the cobble path turned to wood the older brunet said he’d see them tomorrow and walked off to who knows where.

Then Tubbo gave you and Tommy a secretive glance and said to follow him, which you both did without complaint. That’s when the brown haired boy started saying he’d been ‘hoping for the best but planning for the worst’. Tommy asked what he was going on about, ‘planning for the worst’?? So Tubbo explained that he’d made a little thing for if things went bad. That’s when you noticed he was leading you both far from the main area and towards the edge of the L’manberg territory by one of the border walls. And there hidden under the water thanks to some craft sign placement was a hidden entrance into a secret tunnel. All of which led to a bunker. Tommy was in disbelief at the sight, frantically asking his best friend when the hell he’d even had time to make this! Tubbo just gave a vaguely cryptic reply of, “I don’t sleep.” Which you scolded him for. You placed a hand on his head and rocked it back and forth a little roughly and said he was a growing boy who needed sleep! 

“Sleep is when your body grows! If you don’t sleep you’ll be short forever!” You huffed.

That made Tommy burst out into borderline hysterical laughter while Tubbo shouted in outrage. You laughed a little and easily blocked the hits Tubbo was weakly trying to land on you. But once they both settled down Tubbo actually showed off the supplies, like potions and such, he’d prepared for Tommy and Wilbur should anything go sour. Tommy, still shocked but appreciative, thanked his friend and said they should go tell Wilbur. They asked if you wanted to come or if you’d like to sleep for the night. You just shrugged and said you weren’t really tired. But you told them THEY needed sleep however. 

They groaned but you shushed them and made them go back to their place and sleep. They said they didn’t have a bed for you but you just pulled out a book and said you’d read by the fire until it was time to read the election results. They complained that they weren’t tired but you hushed them and said you could see how they were more sluggish compared to how they’d been that morning. And after some weak whining they eventually gave in and placed their beds down, took their armor off, and crawled under the blankets. Meanwhile you sat by the furnace, book in hand and hummed to yourself softly as you read. The two boys fell asleep faster than usual, chalking it up to the busy day they had. Not thinking to link it to feeling safe as they laid in bed.

-0-

It felt like barely an hour had passed before the sun was creeping up over the horizon. You’d finished going through the enchantment book forever ago, and it sat on your lap while you stared down at the fire in the furnace. You wondered when the election results would be read out and breathed in slowly, feeling tired but not physically. With nothing else to do you got busy making some breakfast. Just something simple, eggs with toast. But it worked to wake the two boys up, the smell of the fresh food rousing them to the land of the living. They practically devoured the breakfast before slipping their armor on and saying they should go now. It was a decent time to start the day. So they led you along to Wilbur, who had been in the midst of leaving his ball house. The two boys said they had something secret to tell him, and he actually hadn’t wanted to talk ‘government topics’ with you around. You rolled your eyes behind your mask but agreed to go wait by the stage until they were done.

So you sat alone in the audience, watching people slowly arrive as you did. Ponk was the first, his signature fire colored mask and lab coat(?) revealing who he was. Then right after was HBomb, dressed almost like a pirate for some reason? Or maybe he was a referee? He was in black and white stripes with a headband so you’re unsure, could go either way. And then Punz with his stylish white hoodie and gold chain. Then you saw Niki coming down to greet Eret. He was in full netherite and nobody gave her a second glance which sorta surprised you. They’d betrayed everyone hadn’t he? You admit you don’t know much about her. But they seem to be on good terms with Niki at any rate. Regardless he stood to the side, not really sitting with anyone. So maybe things weren’t as gucci as you thought. You were distracted from thinking about it as a man in a L’manberg uniform and headset arrived. Jack Manifold you think. Walking past him was George and Dream. 

You narrowed your eyes at Dream, something about him felt off? Which was weird considering you’d never met the man in person before so you’re not sure how you could tell if he was ‘off’ or not. But something about him was just… weird. Maybe it was the hood and mask obscuring his entire upper body save for some dirty blond hair poking out from said hood. Or maybe how his body moved fluidly like a person but… it also didn’t seem to be in the right proportions. His arms and legs felt a teeny bit too long while his torso seemed shorter than it should be. 

‘Maybe it’s the cut of the hood and pants making it look that way..’ you thought to yourself.

Wilbur speaking suddenly caught your attention, and when you looked up at the stage you saw all the candidates standing there while Tubbo was hurrying over to the seat you’d saved for him next to you. Seemed they were starting now. The little goat hybrid gave you a nervous smile before focusing on the results. Wilbur started reading but paused to ask Tommy why he was standing with his own mic, and then said he should be standing behind him. You watched them bicker a second before Wilbur gave in and let Tommy stand with his own mic. You smiled and shook your head fondly when Tommy gave a silent cheer for himself ‘winning’ that one. Once that was done Wilbur began explaining what was going to happen. They weren’t just reading off the results, they were also going to be inaugurating the winner as president. And then explained how the new president would make a decree and how the first decree was very important.

“My fellow L’manbergians, and by that I mean Ponk, HBomb, and Tubbo. And the others in the crowd as well, including Tommy’s tall friend…” he said while gesturing to you. 

Tubbo loudly cheered for Wilbur, making Tommy and Quackity laugh. You giggled a little at his antics but mostly kept silent to hear. Wilbur announced he had the election results in his hands, then held up an envelope and continued by reading off the four competing parties: POG2020, SWAG2020, COCONUT2020, and SCHLATT2020. And there had been a total of 220,000 votes. This of course confused everyone and Quackity pointed out there were barely 10 people in the audience, so how had so many votes been cast. Wilbur let out a tired sigh and elaborated, saying he’d accidentally opened the vote… to all the other servers when he’d broadcasted the election live…

Everyone started kicking up a fuss, some upset strangers from other servers were weighing in on a server they weren’t even a part of while others found this all hysterically hilarious. Wilbur settled the crowd down and explained there’d been some voter fraud as well, but he’d gotten rid of all the votes that had come from the same communicator protocol. But then he pointed out that all the fraud votes were only voting for one party.. then stared directly at Fundy and Niki. They glanced away from everyone else and Quackity said through laughter that they should be disqualified. Tommy agreed and said there was only one coder in the Coconut2020 party.. But Wilbur sighed when Fundy was silent before saying diplomatically that they should count all the votes regardless of their CP address… Everyone started laughing until Wilbur shushed them and started actually reading off the results, finally.

“In last place is Coconut2020 with 5%,” Fundy and Niki cheered for the votes they did get. Tommy gave them a slightly sarcastic congratulations while Quackity cackled. Then Wilbur continued,

“Then in second to last place with 9% is Schlatt2020…” That was actually surprising to everyone since Schlatt was a very charismatic guy on most fronts and usually never had issues with luring people to his side.

The current president turned to look at Quackity and George then glanced at Tommy and said that the two final running parties were Pog2020 and Swag2020, and coming in third place was…. Swag2020 with 22%. And Pog2020 with 31%. Tommy’s eyes went wide and he practically screamed his joy, nearly tripping backwards in his excitement. He rushed up to Wilbur and demanded to know if they’d won, and when Wilbur said they did Tommy missed the rest of the statement telling him to wait. The blond boy was too thrilled to stop and listen and without thinking he yelled down to you,

“MUM I WON THE ELECTION! WE WON!!” practically bouncing off the stage. 

You gave him a grin, mentally cooing over him calling you mom and not even noticing but inside your stomach was churning as you waited for the other boot to drop.. And after Wilbur calmed Tommy he made clear that Quackity and Schlatt had made a deal to pool their votes. Meaning together they had 31% as well. Meaning it’s a tie. This caused an uproar between the parties, everyone seemingly arguing while you puzzled over it being a tie! That hadn’t happened originally… But it was Niki who quieted everyone and pointed out something rather jarring…

“All four of our votes only equal up to be 67%... there’s a chunk of votes missing!”

Everyone was silent before George barked out a ‘what the hell?!’ that made everyone start arguing again. Schlatt was insisting that Wilbur counted them wrong while Quackity demanded they be recounted. Meanwhile Wilbur adamantly said he’d counted right and they were wrong. It took Tommy snatching the slip of paper out of his hand that had the election results typed out on them to get Wilbur to stop shouting. As Tommy read the list of results he mentally counted up the percentages and frowned before saying Niki was right, that was only like 67%! But then Fundy chimed in and asked what was written on the back. Confused Tommy turned the paper over and his eyes went wide. He was in shock and spoke in a normal tone, which just got drowned out by everyone. Seeing he was being ignored he shouted,

“OI! DICKHEADS! You missed the ‘other’ section of the votes!”

That grabbed Wilbur’s attention easily, he’d forgotten all about the ‘other’ voting option. And hadn’t even known anything was written on the back of the slip of paper. He ripped it out of Tommy’s grasp and rushed to read the back, his voice getting more subdued as he spoke…

“With the most votes at 33% is…. Reader..”

---

@salinesoot @lady-bee-fechin @kacchasu @putridjoy @lunawritesstories @galaxypankitty3030 @paradigmax @zachariethememerie @killmewithafanfic @trinity-1002107 @hufflepuff-demigod @truthdaze @exorcisms-with-elmo @redbloodtea @heythereimhaylz @olyink @jackalopedoodles @nikkineeky @artsimatsu @hufflepuff-demigod @corpiet @beepa99 @anxiousnarwhale @bananaaddictmilkshake @realitycanbeajerk @lostandsouciant

[jj-babebank]

Room 107 // chapter I // JJ Maybank (smut)

I have started my first JJ story, which will consist of several chapters that I will constantly be updating. The story picks up where season 2 leaves us. TW: Contains mentions of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex and violence. 

Chapter 1 can be found below.  Oh, and - please feel free to submit requests, I tend to write a lot ;) 

Enjoy xx

Chapter 1 - La Guardiana

Days had passed since the Pogues had last seen civilisation, maybe even weeks. The sun was hotter than ever, with close to no wind to mask the warmth. JJ was taking this particularly badly. 

“I’m so done with eating bananas, man,” he moaned, kicking a pebble as he trotted a little behind the rest of his friends, “Can’t we just stumble across an oasis or something and end up in, like, an actual city?”

As if on command, his friends stopped in their tracks, the girls awing and the guys smiling happily. 

“We just might, JJ,” said John B, looking at the city unfolding itself in front of them in the distance, “We just might.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m actually starving,” laughed Sarah, nudging John B’s arm, “Don’t tease!” “Hey, so am I,” he cooed, “First joint we find, we’re going in for food.” Kiara rolled her eyes, “As much as I would love to accept that offer, let me remind you that we have no money.” Sarah nodded, “Mhm, nothing at all.” “Nada,” John B looked at the two girls sternly, “And when has that ever stopped us exactly?” Kiara rolled her eyes once again, smirking at her friend, “Alright, I suppose a good meal would give me the energy I’d need to run a marathon after getting caught not paying.”

The group continued walking down a not too busy street, studying the buildings, looking for a restaurant, cafe, diner - anything, really. They hadn’t had a proper meal in God knows how long and they were famished. They couldn’t help but notice how all the buildings on the street were of the same height - no more than four storeys each, all painted in different colours. If they hadn’t known any better, they’d have thought that they had left the United States of America altogether, although one thing was certain - they were definitely not in the Outer Banks anymore. 

The street wasn’t crowded at all, there were hardly any cars or people lurking about. JJ concluded that this was probably an unpopular area of whichever city they were in. This would also explain the lack of supermarkets and restaurants. He really wanted to ask his friends to stop for a little break - his throat was so dry and his legs could barely hold him up anymore, but he knew better. The longer they walk, the faster they’ll find what they are looking for. Having no indicator of the time on them wasn’t helping either, hell, they could have been walking for 12 hours for all he knew, and with no result. 

“Maybe we should just ask someone,” Pope suggested, “Neither of us is a wanted criminal anymore, I’d say we have nothing to worry about.” John B smirked at his friend’s remark, but ultimately agreed to ask the first person they ran into where the nearest food joint was. Turns out, they were standing right in front of it. 

“La Cubanita Hotel and Restaurant” it spelled out in bold, red letters. The building was narrow and a light shade of blue, totally contrasting the obnoxiously coloured sign planted in front of it. Much like the rest of the buildings on the street, it had no more than four floors, each consisting of a row of Spanish windows with brightly coloured frames. The Pogues looked at each other with a hint of uncertainty before John B lead the way into the building. 

On the inside it looked like a typical diner - tiled floor, red and blue booths, a long bar accompanied by bar stools and, cheesily enough, a boombox. JJ guessed that the way to the hotel was through the back, but he didn’t put too much thought into it. The place seemed dead, with only one of the booths being busy. It was either an off-peak hour or this city was actually a ghost town. 

The group sat at one of the booths on the other side of where the other people were and JJ took a second to observe them. A group of bikers, all wearing stereotypical biker outfits from leather jackets down to bandanas. They were in their mid 50s and were all smoking indoors, drinking what looked like whiskeys, despite of the blazing sun still very much being out. JJ had to give it to them though, they did look pretty darn cool if he did say so himself, and those cigarettes looked eerily appetising to him at this given moment. Oh, what he’d give to have a sip of whatever they were having and a long, much needed drag of one of their cigarettes. He was so lost in his daydream, he barely realised Kiara poking him in the arm. 

“JJ,” she urged, “Waitress is here!” In this moment JJ turned his attention to the new subject in question, their waitress. She was standing at the foot of their booth, wearing her uniform, black and red, holding a pen and a notepad, chewing a piece of gum, waiting for his order. Could this place get any more stereotypical? JJ thought to himself. “So what’s it gonna be, handsome?” She said, not even bothering to look in his direction. “Uh…” JJ fumbled with the menu, “I’ll just have whatever they’re having.” He said, pointing at the bikers in the booth across from theirs. The woman rolled her eyes, popping her bubblegum. She took the rest of the Pogues’ orders before disappearing somewhere behind the bar. JJ followed her with his eyes, blocking out the conversation his friends were currently having. The waitress came back out of what he assumed to be the kitchen and handed the paper with their orders to another girl behind the bar. JJ guessed she was the barmaid, and boy was she a bit of him. 

She was wearing the same uniform as her colleague, although JJ had to admit - it looked a whole lot better on her, at least from what he could see from above the bar. Her hair was long and brown, half of it tied up effortlessly, and slightly messily, although JJ didn’t mind one bit. He watched her as she took the paper from her colleague and went to fetch the drinks written on it. He couldn’t make out what exactly colour her eyes were, and quite frankly - he didn’t really care, she was gorgeous regardless of what her eyes looked like, and she looked around his age. Had the sun and heat gotten to his head, or was it just the fact that he hadn’t touched a female in so long, he didn’t know, but if there was one thing JJ Maybank was notorious for, it was his ability to pull any girl his heart desired effortlessly. This is why he excused himself from the table and, albeit his friends’ confused looks and comments, he made his way towards the bar, sliding into one of the stools directly across from the girl. 

She looked up at him, “Can I help you?” “Brown…” JJ mumbled to himself. “Excuse me?” She said, this time sounding slightly annoyed. Her eyes were brown, JJ thought, brown and sexy. He coughed, trying to compose himself and gave her his signature Maybank stare. It worked wonders back home, surely it would work wonders now again. “Name’s JJ,” he said suavely, “I’m not from around here-“ “Clearly,” she muttered, picking up a bottle of whiskey. JJ assumed it was for him, “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, JJ?”

JJ smirked, “What can I say, I have the face of a boy but the body and mind of a man.” The girl snickered under her nose, “Sure. Well since you’re here, make yourself useful and bring your drinks over to your friends,” she gave him a fake smile, placing a tray with their orders on it in front of him, after which she turned her back to him and walked towards the back of the bar. JJ was too busy observing her behind to notice the other waitress standing next to him, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Should I take that or will you?” She said, waking JJ up from his everlasting daydream. “Oh, uh, don’t sweat it…” he said, picking up the tray and carrying it over to his friends’ booth. “So much for customer service,” Sarah laughed. “And to think my dad says I’m hostile to our customers,” Kiara muttered out. JJ took his seat next to her, his eyes never leaving the bar. “La Guardiana,” Pope read out loud, “This place is called La Guardiana, and apparently we’re somewhere in Florida.” “Florida?” John B said, confusion dripping through his words. Pope nodded, pointing at some text on the bottom of the menu. 

La Cubanita Hotel & Restaurant **, 97 Diego’s Crescent, La Guardiana, FL 

“Holy shit, we’re in Florida!” John B whisper yelled. Sarah laughed at his reaction, “Calm down now, Sancho, let’s not draw any attention to us,” “Yeah, you might wanna tell Casanova here that,” teased Pope, nodding his head in JJ’s direction, “Was it really worth it to potentially blow our cover just to talk to that girl?” JJ snapped at Pope, “Hey, man, just ‘cuz you don’t have the nuts to go over there and talk to her yourself,” “Yeah, I really want to attract the staff’s attention, you know, even more than we already are, seeing as we’re the only other busy table at this place.” “Your food,” the waitress from earlier was back with some of the Pogues’ orders. They waited for her to be out of earshot and JJ spoke up, “Relax, P, I bet you I can charm the pants off that girl and we won’t even need to sneak out without paying!” Pope gave JJ a fake smile, “Mhm, I’m sure she’s gonna be so deep under your spell she won’t even notice us leaving without paying a cent." JJ rolled his eyes, picking up a toothpick from the table and placing it between his teeth. “Might even offer us a place to crash, you know, because she’ll be so captivated by you.” Pope continued to tease. “Yeah, chicks totally dig this whole I’m homeless and I haven’t properly showered in like 15 days look you're going for,” Sarah joined in on the teasing. Kiara laughed and added, “Yeah, and the bit that’s gonna fully seal the deal for her is that you have literally nothing to offer her, like 0 dollars.” Everyone was laughing while JJ just crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned to look out the window, “Talk all you want, guys, but once we get that gold back, you’ll see who’ll dig what.” “The rest of your order,” he recognised the girl’s voice. It was her bringing their food over this time. She placed John B’s plate in front of him and then made her way around the table, next to where JJ was sat. She handed him his plate and bent down slightly, so that her lips were on the same level as JJ’s ear, “Next time you decide to share your criminal plans, you might wanna talk a bit more quietly.” She whispered, setting his cutlery down for him, “Oh, and, you might be charming wherever you come from, but your friend’s right. That shit doesn’t work around here.” She said, patting him on the shoulder before walking away. JJ didn’t waste time sitting around to listen to his friends pass comments about what had just happened, he downed his whiskey and practically chased after the girl. “I’m guessing you’ll want another one?” She said, not even turning around. JJ wondered how she knew that he was there. When she turned to face him, the bottle of whiskey was in her hand. “Let’s see… Do I pour you another one and close my eyes about you planning to leave without paying, or do I do what anyone else in my position would do and call the police on you? Hmm…” she pretended to think, her eyes never leaving JJ’s now panicking ones. “Please don’t call the cops,” he blurted out, the whiskey hitting his brain and making him stress out more than he wanted to admit to, “Look, we - we were in a boat accident, we don’t even know how we got here, hell - we didn’t even know where we were up until 10 minutes ago! And we - we don’t have  any documents on us, we don’t have any sort of identification, what would you -“ “Relax, kid,” the girl smirked, picking up two glasses and pouring a generous amount of whiskey in both of them, “I won’t rat you out.” She said, handing JJ one of the glasses and raising hers for a toast. JJ clinked his glass with hers, a large smile growing on his face, his dimples becoming very prominent, “Thank you, really… That means a lot.” The girl took a moment to observe JJ, then to look at his friends having a heated conversation at their booth, all of them practically stuffing their faces with food in an almost animalistic sort of way. Could this boy really be telling the truth? Could these kids have been lost at sea with no place to go? She looked back at JJ who was also looking at her. Despite the smile plastered on his face, she could clearly see that he was extremely nervous still. “Hey,” she said, “I told you to relax, didn’t I. I won’t charge you for your food, in fact… I might even have a place for you to sleep and clean up tonight.” JJ’s eyes grew wider at her words, “You what?” She leaned in closer to him over the bar and lowered her voice so that he would be the only one to hear, “Hotel upstairs, my aunt owns it. She’s currently out of town with my cousin. Should be back next Thursday. I think I can fit you and your friends in. You just have to promise to be on your best behaviour.” She said, pulling away and taking another sip from her drink. JJ couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was too good to be true. She was hot and she was willing to help? This must have been his lucky day. Sarah could suck it, and so could the others. Clearly this girl was into him. Why else would she be offering to help? “So, uh, what’s in it for me?” He asked, a hint of mischief in his voice. The girl opened her mouth, but before she could speak, the other waitress groaned from behind her. “Samara, how many times do I have to tell you?” Her croaky voice rang. The girl, who JJ had just learned was called Samara, rolled her eyes and repeated with her colleague, “No drinking on the job, yeah yeah, I know. But Heather’s gone and so is Conner, so who can tell me what to do, really?” She said, finishing what was left of her whiskey, “Besides, Georgia, as far as I’m concerned, since they’re both gone, that leaves me in charge, no? Now get back to work,” she said, making her colleague roll her eyes at her. Samara turned around to face JJ again, giving him a wink, before disappearing into the kitchen. JJ couldn’t believe his luck. He swung his arm over the bar and picked up the bottle of whiskey to pour himself one more drink before returning to his friends. “Guys-“ JJ tried getting their attention. “So what are we supposed to do now? We’re totally screwed!” “They’re gonna call the police on us, hell, they probably already have! The cops could be on their way!” “Guys!” JJ yelled, catching even the bikers’ attention. His friends looked up at him, worry filling all of their eyes. “You’ll never believe what I’m about to tell you, oh, and Sarah? You can eat your words.” He smirked before telling them what had just happened. “Hold on,” said Kiara, her face revealing her confusion, “So this random girl in this random place just randomly said that we can crash here until when?” “Next Thursday, or was it Tuesday? What day is it today?” JJ scratched his head. “JJ!” Kiara slapped his arm, “What if this is a trap? It sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? Like, what’s in it for her? We don’t even know her! What if she’s a murderer or something?” “She’s right, you know,” Cleo chimed in. “She is,” said John B, “But we have nothing to lose, literally.” Pope nodded, “I’d usually agree with Kie, but John B’s right. We have nothing to lose. And what if she calls the police? What could even happen then? We get put in jail for agreeing to sleep in a hotel for free? Come on, guys, I’m sure we can all agree that a bar of soap and a normal bathroom would do us good. I mean, we stink.” Everyone laughed at Pope’s remark before Kiara turned to JJ again, “So what’s the plan?” Realisation just struck JJ that he didn’t in fact know what the plan was. Samara had told him virtually nothing about how any of this would go down. Where were they supposed to meet? Was she going to take them to their rooms? Would they all be sharing one room? He was so busy thinking about how all of this would go down, he barely noticed Samara herself passing him a note. It was taken out of her colleague, who JJ now knew to be Georgia’s notepad. The note read in messy handwriting:

Bring your friends to the lobby. Straight down the hallway by the bathrooms. 

JJ turned the piece of paper towards his friends and they all got up, rushing towards the hallway by the bathrooms.

[proud-mom85]

Moments from the Misha, Darius Zoom:

Darius: I WILL SAY THE FIRST THING ONE WANTS TO DO IN A ZOOM TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE IS WHEN THE BACKGROUND CONTEST.

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MISHA: WE BOTH MOVED TO L.A. IN -- DARIUS: 99.

MISHA: DECEMBER OF 98, RIGHT BEFORE NEW YEAR'S. WE MOVED INTO THE SAME LITTLE, YOUR AUNT'S FRIEND'S HOUSE ON THE VENICE CANALS. YOUR WIFE WAS PREGNANT WITH YOUR FIRST CHILD AT THAT POINT AND MY WIFE AND I DID NOT KNOW IT AND WE WERE LIKE WHY ARE THEY SLEEPING ALL DAY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?

DARIUS: THERE WAS A GAS LEAK ALSO IN THE HOUSE. SO WE WERE ALL SLEEPING ALL DAY.

MISHA: THAT'S TRUE.

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MISHA: THERE WAS A TIME WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER WHEN I DON'T KNOW THAT I THERE WAS A TIME WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER WHEN I DON'T KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE GENUINELY CELEBRATED YOUR SUCCESSES, BUT THERE WAS A TIME FOR YOU STARTED MAKING THE MOVIE "LOOT" THAT WAS YOUR FIRST BIG SUCCESSFUL PROJECT. I THINK IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING THAT I REMEMBER FEELING OVERWHELMED WITH SUPPORT AND JOY FOR YOU. I JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE THIS CREATIVE VISION THROUGH AND NOTHING WOULD HAVE MADE ME HAPPIER THAN IT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

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DARIUS: I DON'T THINK I WOULD BE EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME PERSON HAD WE NOT BEEN FRIENDS...

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DARIUS: AND WE BOTH AUDITIONED FOR IT AND AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT, YOU ENDED UP IN THE LEAD ROLE OF THAT PLAY AND WITH ALL SINCERITY YOU DID AN INCREDIBLE JOB, LIKE IT WAS ONE OF THOSE MAGICAL, I THINK YOU WOULD AGREE, ONE OF THOSE MAGICAL SCHOOL PLAYS THAT JUST IS INCREDIBLY MEMORABLE. I STILL REMEMBER IT, JUST SITTING THERE AND ENJOYING IT AND WATCHING YOU KIND OF YOUR BEST. IN I REMEMBER THEN FEELING REALLY PROUD OF YOU. I REMEMBER SITTING AND WATCHING YOU ACT AND FEELING LIKE THIS IS WHAT THIS GUY IS HERE TO DO. BECAUSE YOU WERE ON STAGE AND IT WAS SO UNDENIABLE.

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DARIUS: I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE HAD A PRETTY CLEAR CHANNEL OF SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER ALL ALONG. AND I WILL SAY, HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOUR SUPPORT ALL THOSE YEARS MAKING SOUND OF METAL, I DON'T KNOW THAT I COULD'VE MADE IT. THAT'S HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS, THOSE WERE HARD YEARS COME ALONG, YOU KNOW, 10 YEARS OF FAITH IN A PROCESS THAT HAD NO PROOF OF CONCEPT. SO, YOU KNOW, I NEEDED THAT SUPPORT AND YOU WERE THERE MANY, MANY, MANY TIMES OVER. I REALLY HATE TO BE SINCERE WITH YOU, I FEEL LIKE IT FEELS WRONG BUT THAT IS THE TRUTH.

____________

DARIUS: ...BECAUSE HE AND I BOTH CAME FROM SO LITTLE. I DON'T THINK WE WERE THAT AFRAID TO HAVE LITTLE. I DON'T THINK WE WERE AFRAID TO SCRAPE THE BOTTOM AND KEEP SCRAPING THE BOTTOM AND SCRAPING THE BOTTOM A LITTLE MORE.

MISHA: I HAVE HAD AN INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT SCARCITY DYNAMIC BECAUSE ON THE ONE THING, WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS TRUE AND I ALWAYS IN MY HEART OF HEARTS KNOWN I WOULD BE OK WITH NOTHING, I WOULD BE OK LIVING IN A TENT IF I NEEDED TO. AND THAT KNOWLEDGE PROVIDES A PRETTY BIG SAFETY NET, BECAUSE YOU NEVER WALK AROUND FEELING LIKE I NEED THIS MONEY. I KNOW I'M GOING TO BE OK.

AT THE SAME TIME, COMING FROM POVERTY, I THINK THE ALLURE OF MONEY HAS BEEN MAYBE MORE POWERFUL THAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR ME OTHERWISE. IF I HAD ALWAYS HAD MONEY, I MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN SO DRAWN INTO MAKING MONEY WHEN THAT OPPORTUNITY FINALLY CAME IN MY LIFE. AND I MAY HAVE MADE CHOICES THAT DIDN'T THAT WEREN'T QUITE SO DRIVEN BY MAKING MONEY, IF THAT MAKES SENSE. AS I'M GETTING OLDER, I AM ABLE TO FORMULATE THESE THOUGHTS AND RECALIBRATE TO AN EXTENT. BUT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS MAKING MONEY JUST FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING MONEY WHEN IT WASN'T REALLY ABOUT ANYTHING CREATIVE OR BIGGER THAN THAT, AND I THINK THAT WAS A LITTLE BIT ALSO RELATED TO HAVING COME FROM POVERTY.

DARIUS: THAT IS INTERESTING, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER REALLY VOICED THAT TO ME, THAT SCARCITY MODEL YOU HAD WORKING THAT WAY. THAT MAKES SENSE ACTUALLY, AND I THINK PEOPLE KNOW THIS ABOUT YOU, BUT IT WA SA LEVEL OF POVERTY THAT WAS THREATENING. IT WASN'T LIKE WE WERE KIND OF POOR OR YOU ARE SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE CLASS SPECTRUM, YOU WERE IN A SERIOUS, SERIOUS LANDSCAPE OF POVERTY.

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MISHA: IT'S FUNNY, FROM THE VANTAGE POINT OF CHILDHOOD, YOU TO ME IT LOOKED JUST AWASH IN MONEY. YOUR FAMILY WAS FUCKING LOADED. AND I REMEMBER YOUR DAD, ONCE EVERY THREE MONTHS OR SO WE WOULD ALL GO OUT TO PANDA EAST, WHICH IS BASICALLY THE CHEAPEST CHINESE RESTAURANT IN TOWN COME UP BUT TO ME IT WAS LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WE ARE JUST GOING OUT AND ORDERING WHATEVER WE WANT AT THIS RESTAURANT? IT SEEMED SO OPULENT TO ME. IT'S REALLY AMAZING.

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MISHA: I REMEMBER DRIVING UP TO PUTNEY RIGHT AFTER I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE, I WAS 16 AND A HALF OR 17 AND DRIVING UP ON A SCHOOL NIGHT AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING JUST TO CHECK ON YOU, BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE KIND OF ON THE EDGE AT THAT POINT. YOU COULD HAVE EASILY NOT SURVIVED HIGH SCHOOL AND A COUPLE OF YEARS AFTER THAT. YOU WERE REALLY ON THE EDGE.

DARIUS: IT'S TRUE.

MISHA: YOU WOULD GO FOR DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING, YOU WERE A PSYCHOLOGICAL MESS AT THAT POINT AND I DO REMEMBER GOING UP THERE AND WORRYING ABOUT YOU AND CHECKING ON YOU.

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DARIUS: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I HAVE FOUND THAT I HAVE NOT NEEDED YOU LESS AS I GOT OLDER.

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DARIUS: YEAH, SO, HERE IS THE THING ABOUT THE OSCARS. I HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED ABOUT THIS AT ALL. BUT THE OSCARS COINCIDED WITH - AS YOU KNOW, MISHA, COINCIDED WITH A REALLY CRAZY TIME FOR ME BECAUSE MY BEST HAVE A VERY SICK CHILD.

- BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY SICK CHILD. SO AROUND THE TIME OF THE TIME OF THE OSCARS, LEADING UP TO THE OSCARS IS MAYBE ONE OF THE DARKEST, MOST DIFFICULT TIMES OF MY LIFE DEFINITIVELY. AND YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD SOME DARK TIMES.

SO, SO OFTEN WE LOOK AT THESE THINGS AND IT LOOKS LIKE ONE THING. AND WE NEVER KNOW THE SUBPLOT THAT LIVES BEHIND IT, AND WE NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEYOND THE IMAGE OF PERFECTNESS AND SUCCESS.

MISHA: I THINK THAT IS EXACERBATED IN THIS MOMENT IN OUR SOCIETY BECAUSE SOCIAL MEDIA, EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SHOWCASING THE MOST PERFECT VERSION OF THEIR WIVES AND FAMILIES.

AND OF COURSE, YOU WERE GOING THROUGH THE JUXTAPOSITION OF THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOU ARE STILL GOING THROUGH THE HARD CHAPTER, APPARENT SUFFERING THROUGH A SICK CHILD AND WHAT YOUR CHILD IS GOING THROUGH IS JUST SO HARD AND SO HEARTBREAKING. AND TO HAVE THAT MOMENT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING TOWARD YOUR WHOLE LIFE, YOU JUST REACHED THE APEX OF YOUR CAREER, YOU MAY NEVER AGAIN BE AT THE OSCARS, AND ANYONE WHO EVER THINKS THEY ARE GOING TO WIND UP AT THE OSCARS IS DELUSIONAL, IT JUST DOESN'T WIND UP AT THE OSCARS IS DELUSIONAL, IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN. AND YET YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF THERE AT THIS INCREDIBLE TRIUMPHANT UNLIKELY MOMENT.

DARIUS: I DID ALWAYS KNOW I WOULD BE THERE BUT GO ON.

MISHA: AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARE SUFFERING THROUGH THE MOST EXHAUSTING AND MOST EMOTIONALLY DRAINING THING IMAGINABLE, AND IT WAS ALMOST LIKE A KIND OF CRUEL JOKE FROM THE UNIVERSE, IT SEEMED.

DARIUS: IT WAS THE CRUELEST DICHOTOMY. AND I THINK WHAT WAS IMPORTANT FOR ME AT THAT TIME IS I WAS NAVIGATING A LOT, PRESS, THE OSCARS, I WAS DIRECTING SOMETHING ELSE OF THE TIME, RUNNING BACK AND FORTH AT THE HOSPITAL, SLEEPING ON A HOSPITAL COT, DOING ALL THE STUFF, THAT I NEEDED SOMETHING NEAR ME THAT I UNDERSTOOD, YOU KNOW?

I NEEDED SOMEONE NEAR ME THAT I FELT GROUNDING RIGHT THEN. AND THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE TRUTH OF IT, IS LIKE, YOU ARE THE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE -- FACE OF THE EARTH THAT I COULD CALL ON AT THAT MOMENT AND I NEEDED IT.

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These are some of the moments from the zoom. It was quite emotional as you can tell from the little bit of transcript I'm posting. You can tell how close these two are and how much they have been there for each other over the years, how well they know each other. They have one of those rare life long friendships.

I do wanna say this and I'm not saying it to be rude or anything but I remember there was a cameo that Misha did and he said he was helping a friend with a sick child and the person who bought the cameo got mad cuz their question wasn't answered and they said cruel things about Misha. Well, shame on you.

We may not have had this information at the time but you never assume when someone mentions a sick kid and don't mention how bad it is, it could be nothing or it could be something major like with Darius' kid. Misha could have not done the cameo at all but he did when he had his best friend and his best friends kid on his mind and was worried about. Shame on anyone who said mean things from that cameo. Misha always does the best he can for all of us.

Anyway, I hope we get to see more from these two in the future. They are both amazingly talented individuals.

[lilover131]

Chapter 56 Analysis+Theories

AHHHHHH CHAPTER 56 AHHHHHH!!! <--Chrissy every time a chapter comes out

I wasn’t as hyped up about this one as I was for the last one thankfully, seeing as we didn’t have a super long wait, but I certainly don’t want to diminish in any way the importance of this chapter!!!

I won’t waste any time and will get right to it, so buckle in, cuz’ the theory train is coming! More under the cut!

 So I’ll start by saying that when I first read the chapter, it was 2 AM where I was. I had been sleeping and just kinda magically woke up right when the chapter just came out, so I like to think there was some fate there. But when I opened that chapter on my phone and the first thing I saw was that Syaoran color spread, I audibly gasped and instantly woke up a bit.

 I woke up not because it was absolutely stunning to look at, or even at the fact that we haven’t had Syaoran in a color page for a while. No, the thing that caught my attention was the serious atmosphere it contained and the tone that it seemingly set. To me, this was one of CLAMP’s subtle ways of saying “Prepare for the final battle”. I could be reading into it too much, but I was right about what I believed the Syaoran and Kaito color page insinuated, so I’m gonna stick to my guns here.

 We start off the chapter without a moment’s pause where we left off last time. It continues right from the last point of the conversation where Sakura dropped the bombshell that she had seen Kaito use magic. She seems to think that they may not believe her at first, but Syaoran interrupts her to affirm that he 100% believes her and that he even already knew. Sakura is naturally confused by this, but he finally FINALLY gets to tell her what he’s been dealing with this whole time, and it definitely seems to be an uncomfortable topic for him. But at least this time he got to tell Sakura truthfully that he hadn’t ever intended on keeping this from her but was physically not able to. Despite not needing to feel guilty about this, Syaoran seems uncomfortable for the simple fact that someone else had that much control over him, and he was unable to do a thing to stop it. It’s also important to keep in mind that Kero and Suppi were hearing this for the first time themselves as well (about the silencing at least).

 Not much time passes after this before Kero and Suppi fess up to also knowing about Kaito, but they admit that theirs was a conscious decision rather than force, but that they believe they too would have been silenced like Syaoran was had they attempted to speak. One could say that since they didn’t know Syaoran was silenced in the way he was that this is not entirely truthful or was just a bad decision, but in reality it still makes perfect sense why they thought to be more careful. They saw Kaito’s magic first hand violently take down Eriol, and if he could shut down a magician of that caliber from halfway across the world, then he could easily do the same or worse to the guardians. And since they also weren’t yet aware of his true intentions with Sakura, it would have been likely seen as dangerous to provoke him and possibly put Sakura in harm’s way. I guess the only thing that doesn’t make much sense to me is why Syaoran and the guardians didn’t collaborate and put together what they knew sooner. Even when Yue went to Syaoran’s apartment, the topic of Kaito or Eriol never came up, and since they both clearly had Sakura’s best interest in mind, I’m not sure specifically why they chose to keep their information to themselves when they both knew they had the same goal. This, I would say, was actually a bad decision on their part, but when it comes down to it, they’re not perfect and everyone makes mistakes (I think Cinzia made the same point here, so I apologize if it seems like I’m copying here! I just also agree when it comes to this).

 I’m actually going to pull in a little thing I learned from my counselor not long ago when I felt guilt over a particular decision I had made long ago, and that is that you can only work based on the emotions and information you have at the time. And because we don’t know the future, it is not possible to always make the right decisions, but there is also no telling if our decisions would have changed things for the better, so it is best not to dwell on them. I believe truly that based on what they knew at the time and through the experiences they had, they were likely only trying to protect each other, but missed that they could have probably helped each other. It’s easy to miss things when you’re on the defensive.

 What I love about Sakura after this is that she forgives them immediately. This is not the first time she’s had things hidden from her for her protection, and naturally it’s upsetting to not feel like you can be trusted to deal with the serious information. When Syaoran told her how he’d been hiding what he knew before, she was upset but more because she thought he suffered as a result. This time around though, they concealed things from her not because they were worried about how she’d handle it, but rather out of fear from what Kaito would do if they tried, so it’s a completely different reason and much easier to forgive. Sakura is able to differentiate this, because she is a very emotionally intelligent girl and a lot more observant than she gets credit for when it comes to reading people. She’s grown a lot and isn’t as ‘dense’ as she was in Elementary School.

 Then we get a precious gift of seeing Syaoran show off how smart he is, working out how Kaito managed to make them forget about said confrontation at the botanical garden. He’s probably thought about it a lot already, considering he mentioned before that he felt like someone made him forget something. But this time, he had additional information that Sakura was able to provide, and this was the final piece of the puzzle he needed. The most important detail that Sakura gave him was the location in particular, the botanical garden. He knew that that was where they intended to go, but that they had yet to go there. This prompted him to check his phone and see how much time might have passed without them realizing, and because he knew what time he had arranged to meet Sakura, 9:30 AM, he was able to observe that it was impossible for them to meet, go to the botanical garden, have this encounter with Kaito, and both get back to their houses in only 16 minutes. This meant it was not just a mere meddling of memories but rather time magic as it was the only explanation for the time discrepancy issue and memory loss. I can’t say how freaking proud I was of Syaoran for working this out. He’s such a smart boy, but I know that Sakura also would have been able to come to the same conclusion had she had more knowledge about the magical world. Sakura is running on pure instinct right now, which is super strong, but Syaoran really helps fill in those gaps where things don’t make sense for her, making them the perfect magical team!  

 The scene changes to Momo, who appears to be keeping tabs on the conversation (though it’s unclear if Kaito is aware while they are under Siege). And this part is perhaps the most worrying of the entire chapter, and I’m not talking about the line where the English translation says “Into the final act of your story”. That line in particular is a gross mistranslation cleared up by @meimi-haneoka​, who graciously gives us translation notes each month in comparison to the Japanese version. The actual line in fact says “Into the final act of THE story”. This changes the entire tone of that page as the first translation implies it is leading to Kaito’s death, whereas the Japanese translation actually more implies that we’re nearing the climax of the story. Momo’s facial expressions also match the wording of the Japanese translation better, as we know she does not seem to want Kaito to die, so she would certainly look more upset here if she were speaking of such a thing. Also, I have to speak up about how pretttyyyy Kaito looks in that panel. The way CLAMP designed that page is just stunning as always.

 HOWEVER

 Back to what I was saying before! The most concerning part of the chapter for me is the page right before that, where Momo says “Once a spell’s been seen for what it is, it all comes crumbling down. Particularly, where time magic is concerned. And that’s to say nothing of your target’s considerable power. Now everything you’d turned back time to undo. Everything you’ve succeeded in freezing…is beginning to move again”. So here comes Chrissy’s big crazy theory and possible overthinking, but bear with me here!

I think…that what they are saying here is that these moments that were frozen in time and turned back were cut off from the timeline and now floating in a separate space. And now these scenes, which were all intense in their own way and incredibly frustrating for us, are about to move forward.

….all of them….

….at the same time….

This concept isn’t exactly new in CLAMP series. It happened with Tsubasa where Syaoran turned back time to go back to a moment where he could take Sakura’s hand and keep her from being cursed, and to keep that moment ready until he could return, it was in its own separate dimension, cut off from the rest of the universe. Eventually, once he got there, time started to move forward again. Turning back time is a taboo in the magical world for a reason, and Kaito has done this over and over and over again. But also, wouldn’t it be so like CLAMP to say “Hey, we know you’ve been frustrated that all these scenes were seemingly amping up to a big confrontation, but then Kaito rewound time over and over, so how about we give those back….ALL AT THE SAME TIMMMMEE?”. Can you even imagine the consequences of such a thing? At least three of the occasions where Kaito turned back time, Akiho went into what I call ‘book-mode’, where she is no longer herself and tries to absorb Sakura along with her magic (and even succeeds on one occasion). Then there is also Syaoran and Kaito’s battle and Syaoran having his outburst about Kaito being a magician right in front of Akiho. It would be absolute utter chaos, and honestly I’d be living for it. Lmao.

If you believe that this line Momo said was simply to state that his time magic won’t work anymore and that things will continue to progress in this timeline, that would make perfect sense as well, so I don’t want to discount that. I’m just throwing out theories here based on what I know about CLAMP and concepts that are not out of the realm of possibility.

The scenes from here on out bounce a little bit back and forth from a continuation of the conversation with Syaoran and the guardians and present time with Akiho at school. I kinda like the way they did the transitions here, and it didn’t really feel awkward at any point but rather pulled up the relevant information when it was needed.

When Akiho comes in to the classroom, Sakura recalls how the topic of Akiho came up in the conversation from the day before. It’s natural for everyone to question at this point what she knows and if she is someone to be concerned about too. Syaoran mentions that he can’t detect any magic from her, which was something he had looked into from the very first day Akiho arrived at Tomoeda Middle (he knew literally nothing about her, but you know how transfer students go in this town. Lmao). Sakura drops another bombshell here by saying that she actually senses something in Akiho, but she is unclear of what that is and why she feels that way. It’s completely likely that she’s strong enough now to sense the suppressed magic spell the association and her clan put on her. I also noticed Syaoran seemed to tense up when Sakura said this, and I’m sure that this new information probably made him feel very uneasy. Sakura’s instincts are never wrong, and if she feels something, that means there is something, but to think that it’s something even Syaoran can’t sense would definitely be concerning.

 It is then that Syaoran decides to approach the idea of addressing Akiho directly about Kaito’s magic to see what she knows. Maybe at this point in time he is thinking “If she possibly has some sort of magic in her, then she might know already about Kaito”, but like Sakura, he has seen Akiho’s behavior as a person and probably believes that she is not doing anything malicious of her own accord. Perhaps he thinks that Akiho might be able to talk some sense into Kaito and put a stop to things. But the way he goes about it doesn’t push Sakura, but rather just offers it as a suggestion as something a bit more direct.

 Before we see Sakura’s response to this, we are back to Akiho in the classroom and she is very cheerful from having gone out with Kaito the day prior, and OMG CAN I JUST GUSH FOR A MOMENT ABOUT HOW FREAKING PRECIOUS SHE IS? She is seriously adorable, and the more I see her smile, the more it makes me want to burn her whole clan down to the ground for being so awful to her. But also, it reminds me how strong she is to have gone through everything she did and still smile and hold no hatred in her heart. I can’t honestly say I would be the same in her shoes, so it’s really admirable. For those My Hero Academia fans out there, remember Eri’s smile? You know the one I’m talking about. That’s how I feel every time Akiho smiles.

Anyways, back to Sakura’s response. She decides, in a very Sakura-like fashion, to avoid the subject with Akiho for now. It is true that they don’t fully understand who Kaito is and what his intentions are, but the one thing she does know is that he is considered precious to Akiho, and that at least says something about his character. Akiho herself also isn’t an idiot and is perceptive to Kaito’s feelings. Even when he’s smiling, she can tell when he’s actually hurting inside, so if he had bad intentions at all, that likely wouldn’t go unseen either, so Sakura decides that she’ll wait for Akiho to come to her first if the discussion between them needs to happen. I think this is a very mature decision on her part but also continues to show how much she considers the people around her and cares for them.

Back in the present, Akiho apologizes for talking so much, and Sakura tells her that she doesn’t mind and will listen to whatever she has to say. More than just trying to show good will as a friend, I think this is also her way of opening up the door to tell her “If you want to talk about more serious things, I’m here to listen as well”. That way, when the time comes, Akiho will feel comfortable having that conversation with her.

The scene moves on to Yukito’s home where all the guardians are having a nice little get together in their true forms. It’s not entirely necessary for all but Yue to do this, but I love it as we haven’t gotten to see much of them in these forms in the series so far, especially Spinel and Ruby Moon. Ruby Moon is surprised that they decided to go along with what Sakura said, which I suppose makes sense considering they’ve been kinda doing their own thing up until now. But it turns out that it was Syaoran who made the final decision, and the others just took his lead.

 I love that Syaoran was so comfortable just trusting Sakura and realizing that this time, they needed to let her make some choices, especially since it concerned her the most. Moreover, I love that Kero, Suppi, and Yue just basically caved when Syaoran agreed. This shows how much they respect the opinion of not just Sakura, but Syaoran too. They could have easily gone off and continued to work secretly without Sakura, but they didn’t do that. It obviously didn’t work well for them before anyways.

 I cracked up when Ruby Moon mentioned how much Syaoran has grown a lot and used to be a ‘pouty brat’ back when they were in Japan the last time (in his defense, Eriol was screwing with him a lot, so he had a lot of good reasons for the bratty attitude. Lmao). But Kero and Yue’s responses are just precious. They both have the same expression initially, but their actual responses seem to differ quite a bit. Kero states that he will always be a brat to him and that he’s only grown ‘a little’. This is classic Kero essentially saying he agrees that he’s grown a lot, but he won’t admit it yet, hence why Spinel calls him childish. Hahahaha.

Yue’s response however makes me absolutely melt. He states he’s not upset about the mention of Syaoran’s growth, but that that he doesn’t think they “should be in such a hurry to grow up”. He sounds just like a freaking dad here who is happy to see his children grow up, but is also wanting to them to slow down and stay children simultaneously. I am absolutely living for it, and I love seeing how soft he gets when it comes to them. -squeals-

Despite how lighthearted this scene is, I’m gonna put out another theory here that might seem like I’m overthinking and perhaps makes this appear a bit darker than possibly intended. My thought was “Why did CLAMP put such focus on this subject right now?”. They could have simply stated that they decided to go along with Sakura and been done with it, but the made a point to talk about the children’s growth as human beings, particularly Syaoran. Now where am I going with this you ask? Perhaps it’s the Tsubasa PTSD speaking, but when CLAMP has dialogue like this, it usually it done quite purposely at times, because it is meant to enhance our emotions when a particular moment comes later on. So when I thought “Now, why would they be talking so much about how Syaoran’s grown emotionally and how much Kero and Yue care about him?”. I think they are trying to emphasize how much people in general care about him. CLAMP showed it again recently with Touya, who threatened Kaito and purposely included Syaoran in his statement, and again when Kaito pointed his staff at Syaoran and Sakura reacted. CLAMP is pointing out right now how much people care about Syaoran, and I think this is once again a signal that something bad is going to happen to Syaoran, and I think it’s going to be soon.

 Now, Cinzia actually recently found my reaction to spoilers of chapter 1 of Clear Card (that’s right, chapter 1 from all the way back in 2016), and from the very beginning, I have been screaming at the top of my lungs that I had the worst feeling that something bad was going to happen to Syaoran. I imagine some of you are probably tiring of hearing it from me. Lmao. So here we are, 55 chapters and numerous bad dreams later, and I finally feel like that time is really really close. I’m calling it right now that it will probably happen within the next 4-5 chapters, and if I’m wrong, I will eat my words, but them even putting Syaoran on the color page all by himself for this chapter gives me more reason to think that “that time” is approaching.

 That is a good transition for me to talk about the last part of this chapter. We are finally getting some progress on this play Naoko has been writing, and the moment she mentioned it was about “Twin Alices”, I thought to myself “this is going to be where the climax happens”. The pieces are coming together for it, and we’ve finally gotten to hear the premise of this play. We all knew Naoko would ask Sakura and Akiho to play the main roles, but it’s unclear what the role she wants for Syaoran will be when she inevitably peer pressures him into it. Lol. But I’m telling you, I really think this play is where shit is going to hit the fan and we’ll finally get some real answers.

I can’t wait to see what happens from here on out, but it’s very clear to me that things are just going to get more and more intense from here on out!!

[vivianweasley]

Pride and Prejudice (Chapter 5)

Summary: Your father is Lucius Malfoy’s cousin, and after the war, it was really difficult for you to find a job because of your last name. So your mother and Mrs. Weasley came up with a crazy idea. A fake marriage between you and Fred Weasley. 

In this chapter: It’s already the last month of your fake marriage. Is all of this really going to end?

Pairing: Fred Weasley X Malfoy!Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, misunderstanding, insecurity, mean relatives, reader being jealous?

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: I apologize for not updating for so long cuz I was feeling burnt out. And I apologize in advance for this chapter, but since it’s Pride and Prejudice themed, I had to include a part like this afghjldfk Also, I may or may not named one of the characters after a Pride and Prejudice character:)

Pictures are from Pinterest. Credit goes to the original owners.

Please do NOT repost or translate my work on any platform! Thank you! Reblogs and comments are always welcome:)

Pride and Prejudice Series Masterlist

Sometimes you would wonder what would it be like if you and Fred were friends when you were still in Hogwarts. And as your mind wandered through these imaginary scenarios, you would also daydream about what would it be like if you went to the Yule Ball with him. But regardless, just being in this moment, dancing with him to your favorite love song, was magical enough.

You were invited to Fred’s cousin’s wedding, along with the other Weasleys. Playing the character of Fred’s wife for almost eleven months now made you a regular guest to all kinds of the Weasley family gatherings. 

As the music played and the guests joining the bride and groom on the dance floor, you and Fred decided to join, too. 

“I’m definitely playing this song at my own wedding!” you were excited when your favorite love song started playing.

“And I’m definitely play something livelier,” Fred smiled as he commented.

“Glad we’re not having the same wedding then,” you glared at him, trying hard not to step on his foot. “I have a feeling our idea of an ideal wedding would be completely different.”

“So what is your ideal wedding?” Fred asked. You looked up at him and realized he looked sincere. 

“I haven’t really thought about it, but a small wedding with my close family and friends would be nice,” you answered. You left out one detail. All you could think of now was what would it be like if you could really marry Fred. But of course, you wouldn’t tell him that, “I’m assuming yours would be something more exciting.” 

“Of course!” If you paid attention, you would notice the blush climbing up on Fred’s cheeks, but you were too flustered by your own daydreams. 

“Let me guess, someone would probably turn into a canary.”

“Very likely,” he replied while twirling you around with the music, “and that someone is probably you!”

You laughed as you twirled. You weren’t paying close attention to your steps, and your right foot tripped your left foot. But you landed in Fred’s arm.

You looked up at him as your heartbeat started to pick up. Your lips were only inches away now that you could already feel his breath brushing lightly against your lips. 

You didn’t know how long has passed as you two both froze on the spot. Just a little bit closer and your lips would be pressing together. You never knew you wanted this kiss so desperately until now, and the fact that this was already the last month of your one-year marriage contract made it worse. You would be lying if you say you have never fantasized about Fred reciprocating your feelings, and this fake marriage could turn into a real one by the end of the year. 

“Fred?” A voice interrupted this moment and your daydream.

Fred pulled away awkwardly with the blush still tainting his cheeks. “Mrs. Collins? Maureen?”  You turned and saw the owner of the voice was an older woman and beside her was a beautiful younger woman, who’s about your age.

“Freddie! I haven’t seen you in ages!” Mrs. Collins pulled Fred into a hug, and when she finally let go of him, her eyes turned to look at you.

“Oh, Mrs. Collins, this is Y/N.”

You put on a polite smile and held out your hand, “Hi, I’m Y/N-”

“Malfoy!” she cut you off, without acknowledging your hand, “I’ve heard that Freddie married a Malfoy. How interesting! How did you two meet?”

The way she said “Malfoy” and her question stung you. From past experiences, you knew this conversation is probably not going to end well. “Our parents are actually old friends, so we met when we were still little,” you answered, hands fidgeting and not looking at Mrs. Collins.

“What a coincidence! Cause Maureen and Fred have also known each other since they were kids, isn’t that right, Freddie?”

“Yea,” Fred smiled, not noticing how your expression froze in an awkward state, “Oh, Y/N, this is Maureen. We used to be friends when we were kids until she transferred to Beauxbatons.”

“Hey, it wasn’t like I had a choice!” She slapped on Fred’s arm, causing Fred to laugh while pretending to be hurt.

Watching them interact so naturally, you suddenly felt like you were interrupting something. A horrible feeling crept up in your mind. What if there’s already someone in Fred’s life, yet you still forced him to sign this stupid marriage contract?

“And Maureen’s an interior designer now! So if your little shop needs a makeover, I’m sure Maureen’s willing to help,” Mrs. Collins suggested. Her tone and expression all reminded you of your mum when she tried to set you and Fred up.

“Oh right! Fred,” Mrs. Collins continued, “come say hi to the rest of the family! I’m sure they all missed you a lot.”

“I would love to, but Y/N...” Fred looked at you. You couldn’t figure out what his expression meant? Was this an excuse because he didn’t want to go? Or did he want to go?

You didn’t know why insecurity started to cloud your brain. Growing up, you always thought you’re proud most of the time, but this was not the case when it comes to your last name. You knew you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. The history and crime this name carried have nothing to do with you. And you knew feeling ashamed of it gives it power over you, but all you could do was retreating to your shell whenever someone brought up your last name.

So your final decision was, “It’s okay, you can go. I’ll go find Ginny.”

“Great!” Mrs. Collins started dragging Fred to her family’s table. Fred was still looking at you, but then you heard Mrs. Collins say, “Don’t worry about Y/N! I know she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with our sort of people, anyway.”

Your stomach sank. What did she mean by “our sort of people”? And more importantly, what did being your sort of people imply?

A few months ago, you thought changing your last name by marriage could solve everything. But the cruel fact was that it changed nothing.

And maybe it was your insecurity talking, but how could Fred not say anything when Mrs. Collins made such a comment? Did he not understand what she meant? Or did he...agree with her?

After they disappeared in the crowd, you immediately apparate back to the apartment like you were fleeing a monster from your nightmare. That was the only logical move you could think of at that time.

~

“Fred,” you kicked off your heels after you got back to the apartment from work and began rambling on about your day, “you won’t believe what happened today. I-” But the words choked in your throat when you saw another person in the kitchen. You recognized it was Maureen Collins from the wedding a week ago. 

You thought you already forgot about what Mrs. Collins said to you at the wedding, but those words immediately rushed back when you saw Maureen again.

“Oh, Y/N, you’re back!” Fred exclaimed, and he noticed the box in your hand, “Is that my favorite pie!”

“Yea, I didn’t know...” It was supposed to be a surprise, but now it just felt extra when it seemed like they were already cooking a meal.

“Oh, Y/N, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you earlier. This was really last-minute,” Maureen explained.

“Yea, Maureen was here to help with the makeover of the shop, and it’s almost dinner time when we were done, so we thought-”

“No worries,” you cut Fred off before he could finish with the explanation. You didn’t like the way he sounded. It almost made you feel like you were a party pooper. 

“We can just eat the pie tomorrow!” You tried to put on a smile when you shoved the pie into the fridge.

“Brilliant! All sorted now! Y/N, come help! Dinner would be ready faster if we had three people cooking.”

“Yea,” Maureen chuckled, “Fred was just talking about the first time you two tried to cook together. It must be difficult having to cook with an absolute idiot, let alone being forced to live with him for one year.”

Your heart sank. Fred told her that the marriage is fake? According to your contract, he shouldn’t have told anyone, unless...

Watching Maureen cooking and laughing with Fred, your mind just couldn’t shake off the images of her living here and being his real wife. You had to admit that you didn’t like these images, but why should you care if someone else is going to live here instead of you. Your mum forced you to live here anyway, and now you could finally go home.

Home. You sighed as the image of home appeared in your mind. And you finally admitted that for the past few months, you also considered this apartment your home.

But you put on the contract yourself stating that you both could date whoever you like during this fake marriage, and you had no business in interfering with Fred and Maureen’s relationship now.

So you picked up your jacket again, “Actually, I’m having dinner with my friend tonight-”

“But I thought you were planning to eat at home,” Fred pointed at the fridge, referring to the pie.

“Oh, that’s for tomorrow,” you lied, even though you knew your excuses didn’t match with what you just said a few minutes ago. You panicked, so you proceeded to say something that you never thought you would say, “Plus, I need to give you two space.” You even said it with a wink, covering for the fact that you panicked, and you just rushed out the door before anyone could say anything. 

~

You went back to your parents’ house for the night and only returned to the apartment the next morning. Knowing the exact time when Fred would usually go downstairs to the joke shop, you successfully apparated into the apartment without bumping into anyone. You just wanted to avoid seeing him.

You decided to start packing up. There are only less than two weeks left, and you didn’t want to occupy other people’s home for longer than you needed. Your pride demanded a graceful exit.

You knew it would be much easier and quicker if you used magic. Just by a flick of your wand, everything would be packed. It would be so clean like you’ve never been here before, but somehow, you just wanted to take your time with it.

And it was until you started packing when you realized how attached you were to this little apartment. One year wasn’t that long, just like what you said at the beginning of all this, but every corner of this apartment had trails of you living here and your memories.

It was just a contract, you tried to convince yourself, and now the time’s up. But it still pained you to remove your every trail. You realized you were not only removing your existence from this apartment but also Fred Weasley’s life. 

“Y/N?” You were so busy going down memory lane that you didn’t notice the series of footsteps coming upstairs. You turned and saw Fred, who looked very confused now as he glanced around and saw the packed boxes. “What are you doing?”

“Just packing up,” you tried to say it as indifferently as possible, “there are only two weeks left, so I thought I should probably start moving my stuff away.”

“Oh,” Fred paused for a moment before the corners of his mouth twitched into an awkward smile, “guess you’re finally free.”

“Yea, and so are you,” you tried to force a laugh, maybe he’s always waiting for this moment, the moment that he’s finally free, “I’ll move back to my parents’ house this week so that the divorce would look more realistic.”

His mouth opened, and you could tell that he was trying to say something. And for a second, you thought maybe he’s trying to think of a way to stop you. To say that he didn’t want you to leave.

But all he said was, “Okay.”

~

It was only around 6:30 am when you woke up. There were too many things on your mind that you couldn’t even enjoy staying asleep at ease. It was your last night here, after all.

Fred was still asleep with both his arm and leg on top of you. He’s an obnoxious sleeper, but you didn’t mind. 

You snuggled closer to him as your mind went through the nights that he comforted you when you couldn’t sleep, the sleepless nights that you would chat and laugh with so much ease, and the mornings when you woke with your limbs tangled together. It all felt like a dream, and maybe now it’s time to wake up. 

But before you do that, before you had to exit from his life, you just wanted to stay in this moment and stay in his arms for a little longer. You closed your eyes as you took in that familiar cinnamon scent and his cologne. Let’s just dream for a little longer.

~

Fred woke up with the other side of the bed empty. In a haze of sleepiness, he thought you just went to the bathroom. You would always come back to bed and try to squeeze in a few minutes of sleep before finally getting up and getting ready. But you didn’t come back today.

In fact, the apartment was awfully quiet today. He couldn't hear your footsteps rushing in and out of the bedroom to get ready for work. And he didn't hear you yelling things like "Did you see my keys?" or "FRED! Where did my apple juice go??"

Fred got up and tried to search for you in the living room, only to realize that most of your stuff was already gone. He collapsed on the nearby couch, not sure if he was still tired or feeling empty that you were gone.

How could you just walk away so easily? How could you just pull away from all of this almost like nothing ever happened? More importantly, how could you tease him about Maureen like it didn’t matter at all to you? And here he thought you two had great chemistry.

But without that and the contract of being fake husband and wife, Fred was confident that he could say you became friends. Even if you didn’t, at least you were roommates for a year, and that should induce some sort of emotion too.

But no, you just walked away, and all he could do was just getting used to not having you in his life anymore.

(to be continued.)

~

series taglist: @ifilosemyselfagain @theweasleytwinsgirl @bookworm06 @unabashedbookscollector @txtdreamss @sagittarius-flowerchild  @rsheridan @ovrwd @anywherebuthere @allaroundaddict @jeminila @secretsofageek @magical-spit @freddieweasleyswife @lilypad-55449 @hufflepuffzutara @honey-honey-5644 @kyloren-peterparker @treblebeth @kyloren-peterparker @fred-sux @rodrickmalfoy @liliputbahn @its-yasbxtch @daydreamgirl8​ @305weasley​ @awritingtree​  (message me if you want to be added or removed!)

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[amachaheadcanons]

Do you think the cast of Danganronpa v3 is chilling and vibin' in heaven? What happens to Rantaro and Tenko in the afterlife. Do they form a ghost relationship?

˚ᆺ˚

I've...actually never considered-- Um-- OMG YES!!!! AMACHA GHOST/AFTERLIFE AU FTW!!!!!

Or- OR. Instead of waking up the cast asap and shocking their system immediately, Team DR instigated level "limbo" as a way to ease the participants back into their real bodies. Slowly.

OKOKOK

Tenko would definitely be salty at first and seek out vengeance, however, I feel like Kiyo would be in hell due to his crimes but instead let's just say the kids are in limbo whilst the killing game is going on. . . yeah. Like a period of time to ease the deceased back into reality without simply awakening them and rendering them mentally and physically paralysed from the cruel reality they imposed on themselves!

She shakes and throws Kiyo to teach him a lesson whenever she gets close enough. Kaede and Kirumi stop her as much as they can but eventually stop trying due to her incredible persistence and the fact that it doesn't hurt him it's just time-consuming.

She pays no mind to Rantaro and Ryoma, considering they were victims. Excluding the odd degenerate comment here and there. Still harbouring some lingering hostility towards Angie.

She spies on Himiko and is happy to see her loosen up and begin her character arc. But is painfully aware of the fact they might never see each other ever again. She's rooting for her from the bottom of her heart so it's a bittersweet realisation.

Kaede still tries to help Tenko get over her bias, following around Shuichi and dragging Tenko along so she can witness his goodness. Eventually, Kaede gets tired of Tenko tarnishing his name so she turns to Rantaro as a live example. Often catching him being charismatic or really focused on something with that cute expression.

Considering they're probably going to spend eternity together, Rantaro's keen to form a bond. She throws him for being so casual about it. He doesn't mind cuz it's kinda fun. He just floats in a circle and back in front of her. Gravity in limbo is similar to on the moon only they can float. And the windy feeling when her hands brush against his limbs is really cool.

He apologises for not taking her more seriously and reintroduces himself adding, "C'mon, shake my hand, my soul's as transparent as ever," and "I'm not going anywhere Chabashira-san, no point holding a grudge into the afterlife,"

She's very stubborn at first, but considering how peaceful the living cast are, Tenko slowly realises this may potentially be the only people she'll be able to make amends with before passing into...hopefully, heaven.

Angie gets tired of the hostility and says the only way to enter heaven is to make amends. Kaede lies with good intentions, hoping her agreeance will push Tenko in the right direction.

It's a slow process until Miu is found dead. Tenko attempts to cling to the inventor, lacking protective malice as she learns there was no way to harm the searching soul. Miu acts normally and demands some alone time, complaining about Tenko's clingy nature and slips a, "Don't you get it Chabashitstain?! This is why Yusmello ran off with Yonorganism!"

Tenko starts distancing herself after that. Miu is mildly excluded until she makes it up to Tenko. Tenko verbally insists she forgives Miu. Deep down she can't hate a girl, though Angie & Miu were tempting that moral of hers.

Kaede attempts to console Tenko, followed by Kirumi, Angie, Miu, Hoshi then Gonta. But to no anvil. Gonta's pretty good at consoling too but it didn't sway her. She's startled by Gonta so much so, she throws him, along with assumptions of his murderous intent. The girl's groan in unison at her lack of hearing and self-centred nature before filling her in on how Kokichi manipulated the situation.

Tenko began to feel more and more alone despite the growing number of interactivity.

Rantaro grows concerned and bold, attempting a method unused thus far. "Chabashira-san, when you fell off a tree for the first time, did it scare you into trying again?"

"When your Sensei defeated you in a match time and time again, did you falter in challenging him again?" "How does Amami know th--" "Tenko, when you failed to throw your opponent over your shoulder, would you stop there and let the aggressor roam free?" "Of course not! Don't insult Ten--" "Then what's making you give up now??"

Cue Rantaro and his amazing words of conflicting. Being able to gently corner people with what they needed to face. "Don't run away from your emotions. Take your own advice and be honest with yourself. What else is there left for us?"

He reached her when everybody else lacked the knowledge and experience to touch her weeping heart. She starts reinviting herself into open discussions. Progress.

Tenko observes and attempts to understand the boys for the first time ever. She finds herself following Rantaro around the massive campus. Considering he's still trying to piece together the mastermind of such a grand scheme. They bond over their search. She gets to know him. And the other boys due to Rantaro being so friendly and charismatic.

By the time Kokichi joins them she's instinctively distant but Rantaro again has a soft spot for the misunderstood ones. Rantaro's kindness is so large it makes Tenko weak and frustrated. Suddenly, she worries he'll fall into Kokichi's trap. She starts worrying and watching his back silently.

Angie "gets a hint from the Gods" and starts shipping them. After a few funny comments from Angie, Kaede and Kirumi are on board. It's entertaining watching the almighty Aikido master blush, stutter, trip over nothing and float aimlessly despite her persistent walking and attempt to perfect her form.

Kaito quickly jumps on the bandwagon and suddenly their relationship is the most interesting thing that can link the kids to some form of normalcy. It was a good distraction from the pressing matters of the killing game.

Rantaro is none the wiser. However, when Kaede pushes Tenko to befriend Kaito and he notices her genuinely trying to find interest in conversing with the space-enthused boy...he's conflicted. He's proud of watching her progress unfold and honoured he took part in it, yet, feels a pang of tightness when seeing everyone boast about their blossoming friendship.

Considering Rantaro doesn't hear the teasing and gossip about Tenko's potential struggle. And upon noticing Tenko avoiding him oftentimes, he grows jealous. However, this makes the time she spends with him alone willingly, appear all the more special. He appreciates their friendship and confesses one night during training... "You've come a long way in the past month Tenko, I'm very impressed. Be proud of yourself. I know I am."

Somehow, his words make her chest tight. "I'm honoured to call you a friend."

Kokichi "boo"s him, the little eavesdropper. Angie slaps his mouth shut, Kaede scolds him, while Miu continues to embarrass the couple attempting to join their living comrades in their nightly training.

This however starts the tradition of the dead training alongside the living. Being with them in spirit and whatnot.

Tenko's bias dies down a lot in the span of 4 chapters. And when the truth is revealed to the deceased cast in the grand finale. The deceased cast is forced to awaken after Kiibo's blinding sacrifice. Tenko awakens with hasty breaths, demanding to see her friends. All of them. Boys included. Not allowing anything to take them away from her.

If Kirumi's the mum of the group, Tenko's definitely the overprotective big sister once she reaches her character arc.

I like this idea, it brings a little more hope to the despair. Plus I like the idea of them all being friends in the afterlife cuz there's no more threats or stress.