#cut down on dairy and it didnt help

[knaveofmogadore]

The aura of vomit has returned

[wendy-arnott]

My Pregnancy and Birthing Story

Finding out we were having another baby was definitely a shock for us but once we got our head around the idea of another baby and after a traumatic labour and birth with Ava, I was determined this time around would be different and so the research began!

I found comfort in reading, knowledge is power and in this case I came to realise the power was all mine! I borrowed books from my sister in law who helped me through my journey so much, always there offering advice. We also made the decision to see our Chiropractor throughout my pregnancy, she also practices in Kinesioloy (she previously helped get Ava's ezcema under control but thats another journey to tell later). Together we worked in controlling my magnesium levels which my body was deficient in and which I would come to learn actually plays a huge part in controlling blood sugars. We cut dairy out of my diet which was not an easy thing for me to do at all!!

Then came the dreaded Glucose test, iv previously had Gestational Diabetes with both girls so prepared myself to have this again but no!! By maintaining my magnesium levels I managed to avoid GD this time....amazing!!

I can honestly say, this had been the easiest pregnancy of all my pregnancies!

Given my previous history and being classed as high risk, my specialist and GP wanted to induce at 38 weeks like we had done with the girls previously. I went against medical advice and declined this option to the horror of many people! At that stage there was no medical reasons for induction and in all the research I had done i learnt that any form of induction carries its own risks both physically and mentally and Ava's birth certainly backed this up so i wanted this time, which would be my last birthing experience, to be a calming, healing, empowering moment whilst obviously doing this in the safest way possible.

I wasnt naive and knew my birthing plan may need to change as the pregnancy progressed which i was prepared to do and if induction was medically necessary then of course i would agree to it.

Fast forward to the day before Freddies birth. I had been up all Sunday night with Braxton Hicks which wasnt unusual as I had been having these strong for weeks before and thought I'll mention it to my midwife at our weekly CTG the next day. She confirmed I was infact having contractions at 10 minutes apart but as I wasn't in any pain these may fizzle out or progress, it was a waiting game, a game which I was slowly getting over constantly second guessing myself!

As the day went on no change!

Come 10pm that night we were on our way to the hospital. We hardly spoke in the car, nerves were kicking in, not about the labour but at the idea of having another baby and feeling guilty. Poor Ava went to bed that night as normal but when she woke up her whole little world would be changed for good and this was hard for me to accept.

Hooked back up to the monitor, contractions were more regular and I was 3cm dilated. I refused a stretch and sweep to "speed things up" but then Freddies heart rate started to slow down, which wasn't a major cause for concern at this stage but wasnt "normal" for him so we made the decision to break my waters.

We got settled into labour ward and waited for our midwife to arrive.

1am my waters were broke, i was 4cm dilated at this stage, my next check would be 5.30am.

Contractions started coming more regular and more painful pretty much straight away, i couldn't lay down any longer and started to walk, rock my way around the room. I remember poor Darren pacing the floor worrying about us at the same time while trying to "look" calm for my benefit.

My midwife was amazing, not once did she try and make small talk with me (like my notes said) and didn't offer me any pain relief as requested. I knew if she had asked me, in a moment of weakness I may have gave in and i knew I would regret it afterwards.

3am i fell to the floor with the suddeb urge to push. Lauren, my midwife told me to listen to my body and "go with it", it knew exactly what to do and she was right!!

3.33am and Freddie entered the world, on the floor! I remember thinking wow, he's tiny and looks just like Ava....did i seriously just do that, on my own, with no pain relief. Did my birthing plan actually go to plan.....yes, yes it did!

After such a successful birth my placenta had other ideas and didnt want to come out!! After half an hour I agreed to have the injection to birth this as theatre definitely wasn't in my plan! On the last push it finally came out.

Darren left to tell the girls they had a brother as due to covid we wernt allowed any visitors.

10am that day I was at home with my girls and my SON!!

Im so proud of myself and Darren for fully supporting my plans, to have had the exact pregnant and labour i wanted. I still cant believe to this day and get goosbumps thinking about it. Did i really go against medical advice and family worries to give birth spontaneously..YES i did and i wouldn't change a single thing about the events leading up to and during my birthing experience.

My boy is now 11 weeks old and thriving. He knew exactly when he wanted to enter the world and im glad i gave him that and didn't force him before he was ready!

People look at me like im a crazy lady when i tell them my birth was truly amazing and if i could i would do it all again tomorrow!!

[dairyfarmboy]

Dairy Farm Fantasy:

I have been seeking an opportunity to live/work on a dairy farm most of my life. I havent been working on a farm since I was a kid, and id like to find a likeminded farming partner.

I would be hired for the summer, and upon completion of a few months of training, i would be taken in fulltime and allowed to move in with the farmer permantely. It would also be a test to show my loyalty and service to the farm.

The farmer is a older man, tall, hairy, and built from a lifetime of farming. Wearing tall black rubber boots, coveralls, and a john deere baseball cap. Sporting a big salt and pepper beard. Never wearing deoderant, and would fill the air with his pungent musk, and hint of cow.

For the summer, Id be ordered to live in a spare room inside the cow barn until training is complete, where then i can move into the farmers home. Simple space with just a bed and a desk and a rubber flooring. The industrial smell of rubber, and strong manure/piss smell constantly overwheling the space.

Before starting, we went to the local farm supply store to get my work clothes. The farmer asked for my clothes and boot size. There wasnt much of a selection, and he handed me a pile of gear to try on. He followed me to the changing area which was just a curtain in the corner of the store. He told me to try on the carhartt bibs, and shirt first. I took off all my clothes and slipped into the bibs. It didnt take long for me to get a hard on. I stared at myself in the mirror admirring my new farmer look. The farmer said it looked like everything fit.

After a few moments, he came back with some boots. A pair of LaCrosse knee high boots, a pair of thigh waders, and a pair of industrial chest waders. I was ordered to try on the chest waders first. The smell of heavy rubber was overwhelming. I slid into the waders and was taken over by the rubber. My dick started to leak and throb. The farmer came by to help adjust the straps, and his musk added to my horniness. He had me in his full control.

After trying on all the boots, the farmer told me to give him my street clothes and put on the coveralls with the knee high boots. He said that we will be going to work right away and theres no sense in changing twice. He also gave me a john deere hat to wear. I walked to the counter in my new farm gear feeling great. A sense of belonging started to come over me. For the first time in my life, i felt myself. I couldnt stop starring at myself in the reflection of the shop window. There were also a few other farmers in their dirty gear walking around the store. I could smell the sweat and manure from one of the other customers.

I walked out with 2 pairs of coveralls, 2 pairs of bibs, 2 flannel shirts, a rubber rain jacket, 2 red union suits, a hat, rubber work gloves, wool socks, knee boots, thigh waders, and chest waders. Because its summer, the farmer told me i will only need the necessities for now. I was instructed to wear the coveralls for work, and the bibs for relaxing/night time. I would then sleep in the union suit at night. No need for undershirts and underwear in this heat and humidity. I was also ordered not to wear deoderant as its just the two of us so no need.

We get back into the truck and i immediatly start getting hard again. The truck was filled with the farmers smell and his manure covered floor mats. My dick was throbbing against the coverall material and leaving a big wet spot of pre cum. I was basically hypnotized by this man and couldnt think straight. We passed by neighboring farms and enjoyed getting whiffs of manure and hay smells.

Upon arriving back to his farm, i was ordered to put the rest of my clothes away and settle into my room. I walked into the cow barn on my way to the room when i saw a green, fresh, steaming huge pile of cow shit on the ground. I couldnt help myself and walked right up to it. I slowly stepped down into the squishing and felt the warm shit surround my booted feet. I could smell the strong warm humid smell. My dick was so hard it almost cut a hole in my coveralls.

I was the horniest Ive ever been in my life. I was under the spell of the farm, and could feel the inner perv coming out. The feeling of humid sweating in the gear, and smelling the manure was taking over my whole body. Without thinking, I pull out my rock hard dick and start jerking hard. Within seconds, i was falling to my knees uncontrollably moaning and shooting load after load. I shot about 10 good bursts, sending my cum 8’ across the hay and shit covered barn floor. My moaning went on and on.

After a few moments, i stood back up and saw the mess I made. I used my boot to push away the cum, and tried to wipe my boots off with a stack of near by hay. I arrive at my room and put all my clothes on the shelves. I realized my bed had a rubber fitted sheet over the mattress, and assumed he just wanted to keep it clean.

I lay down on the bed and felt my coveralls slide against the rubber sheet. I started to get hard again. I lifted my shit covered boots onto the bed and just laid back in my gear. I closed my eyes and took in the strong smell of the barn. I was getting horny again. My dick throbbed against the old pre cum stain i had left from earlier. I lifted my arms over my head and noticed my arm pits were getting ripe already. I just imagined my new life on the farm and knew this was what I wanted.

Seconds later i heard a knock on the door from the farmer. He said, “well i hate to break your new gear in this early but we have an issue with the slurry tank”. “I need you to put on your chest waders and rubber gloves”. “Hope you dont mind smelling like manure for a few days because this is going to be a messy job”. He gave me a long stare into my eyes with a wicked smile.

To be continued:

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Prompt: Joan has a drink dumped over her and is called a dyke at the stagedoor

Sorry if this sends twice- I didnt get into the homophobia bc I dont have the spoons atm but i needed some soft joan, jane and bessie after your last story so here, have some tooth rotting fluff!

***

She’s never really liked milkshakes. Milky drinks make her feel a bit sick- it’s the smell of dairy- and now it’s all over her, all over her- it makes her stomach roll, she’s afraid she’s going to retch-

  There’s still laughter over her head- the slap of someone high fiving, some shocked gasps being swallowed in laughter and it’s that that makes it feel even worse: she’s not just there to be hurt, she’s an object of ridicule, she’s an amusement, a thing to be laughed at.

   ‘Oh my god mate, I can’t believe you really-’ ‘Fuck me, that was-’ ‘Oh shit, is she crying?’

  She doesn’t want to be but she is- her eyes are hot and her lip is trembling like she’s five…. In films, in books, in the magazine articles that Maria shows her sometimes, the victim of things like this always has a response: a snappy witty oneliner to throw out, or else they get angry, they scream and shout and rage and it always ends up with their attacker flinching away, scared in spite of themselves.

  Nobody would be scared of her- she’s too small to be physically intimidating, her voice would crack and waver if she tried to talk right now and she’s dripping with milkshake. She’s just pathetic.

  She wishes she’d never gone out on her own- she never usually bothers with the stage door, but Maria had done it once or twice and told her that it was good fun, that sometimes there were even people there specially hoping to see some of the band. She should have waited for the queens though, rather than going out on her own- stupid stupid stupid…

  ‘Joan-’

  The door opens behind her- there’s a little flurry of ‘Oh shit’’s and a bit of jostling as the people in front of her take flight… .but they’re still not really scared, they just want to avoid trouble, and for some reason, that makes her angry too- why does she have to be the one left frightened? Because she was frightened, really frightened, when they rushed at her like that, out of nowhere: ‘Ayyyyyy- dyke! Fucking dyke!’. The sudden shouting, the icy-cold shock of the liquid hitting her- she had found herself frozen and even now it was over, she wasn’t sure she could move.

  ‘Joan- what happened? Are you alright? Is that-?’ Cathy trails off, her eyes going wide as she takes in the site in front of her.

  She can’t move- she can’t answer Cathy, she can’t explain. If she moves, she makes it real- she makes their stinging words, the sting of the hard cup hitting her face, a reality. So she stays as still as she can, taking tiny puffing breaths of air in through her nose.

  The milk smells sour, curdled. She wonders if they were just carrying it or if they planned it, and she isn’t sure which is worse.

  ‘Joan-’

Cathy’s touching her arm and she’d like to respond, to reassure her, but she can’t- and then Cathy is gone, the door is swinging shut, there’s the sound of running feet and calling and then everyone is spilling out of the theatre into the back street, questions and exclamations all jumbled together.

  It’s too loud, it’s too jarring, it’s too much like the shouting that’s still echoing in her head- ‘Dyke! Fucking dyke!’- she wants to put her hands over her ears but she can’t, she can’t- and then a softer voice cuts through, there’s a gentle hand on her arm, warm fingers are gently wiping away the milkshake thats still tricking into her eyes.

  ‘Oh sweetheart-’ 

  Jane.

  ‘You poor little thing…’ Then, louder: ‘Hey, everyone-’

  There’s a lull as they all look to the blonde woman.

  ‘Kitty, can you go and find Bessie, darling? Just tell her that Joan needs her, that I asked for her to come. And pick up my stuff on your way home? Catalina-’ she turns to the woman at her elbow. ‘Can you go and tell the stage manager what’s happened and explain why none of us will be talking to the fans tonight? And Cathy- you and Anne, can you say something for social media to explain- not graphically or anything, just to explain why we’re not out?’

  Like magic, they all melt away, off to their appointed tasks, and it’s a bit easier to breathe now it’s just her and Jane. She does feel bad though- they all know that Kitty can sometimes be a bit shaken up after the show, and that having Jane with her is grounding for her, just as Bessie is grounding for Maggie when things get bad.

  ‘Doesn’t Kitty need you?’

  She almost doesn��t want to say it in case it makes the woman realise her mistake and leave. Her throat feels tight.

  Jane smiles sadly and gently pulls Joan into her arms, her face tucked against Jane’s shoulder. Her cardigan is soft, it smells like vanilla- she knows she’ll ruin it but she can’t bring herself to pull away. Jane’s arms are always the safest place- except maybe Bessie’s.

  ‘You need me too sweetheart.’ Her hand cups the back of Joans neck protectively. ‘-and I need to to take care of my little lamb’

  She says it without hesitation, and just hearing it makes Joan’s throat ache worse. She whimpers- and then a hurricane of studded black leather is bursting through the door behind them, pulling Joan towards her, checking her for injuries, her face, her hands, her arms, her neck.

  ‘Are you alright? Did they hurt you sweetheart?’ Bessie is shaking with anger but her hands are very gentle. ‘It’s ok- if they even think of trying anything else, I will-’ She mumbles the rest- Joan can understand some Italian now but she doesn’t need to be able to translate what Bessie is saying to know that at least some of it is violent threats. Seeing Bessie so worked up on her behalf gives her a tiny warm glow, despite everything: she cares, she matters to her.

  At the same time, Jane is talking over her, explaining: ‘No idea who they were…..sent the other girls off….’ And then ‘It’s alright if I stay?’ and Bessie’s ‘Of course-’

  She’s confused, through the haze. ‘What-?’

  Jane turns to her, cupping her cheek. ‘I want to make sure you’re ok sweetheart- you must be quite shaken up. Would you mind if I came back with you and Bessie tonight? I can stay downstairs if you’d like, if you’d like some space- I just want to-’

  It’s too much- Jane is looking at her, so worried, so concerned, as if she really really matters to her-

  Joan bursts into tears.

  Immediately, she’s being bundled up in two sets of warm arms: Bessie pulls her against her chest, holding her tightly, Jane is rubbing her back. She’s sandwiched between them and it’s so warm, so safe, being literally enveloped in love like this, that she sobs harder.

  After a while, Anne pokes her head out to tell them that she called them a taxi to take them home and Jane detaches herself enough to thank her and start to look for it, while Bessie nods her thanks.

  ‘We’ll be home soon darling’ Bessie murmurs in her ear. ‘Just a little longer and we’ll have you all sorted out-’

  Joan can’t quite talk yet but she can hear and she feels a wave of relief at the words. Home. Home sounds good.

  *

She shivers all the way home, thanks to her wet hair and sticky clothing, despite having both Bessie and Jane’s coats wrapped around her.

  Once they’re inside, Jane starts running her a hot bath, while Bessie wets a flannel with warm water and starts gently wiping Joan’s face with it.

  ‘My poor girl- I should have gone with you-’ 

  She wants to say that Bessie shouldn’t blame herself but she’s shaking too hard, her teeth are clacking together. 

‘I- I-’ It scares her- why can’t she get control of herself? Bessie squeezes her hand. 

  ‘It’s ok darling- it’s the shock setting in, it’ll go away soon, I promise.’

  ‘I- I- You-’

  Upstairs, Bessie helps her with her clothes- her fingers are fumbling, useless- and steadies her as she sinks into the steaming hot water. It warms her, but it’s not enough- she’s still cold.  

  Afterwards, Jane brings her pajamas, warm from the dryer, and she and Bessie help her down the hall- not to Joan’s own room, but to Bessie’s. Her bed is the refuge of the household, where they pile together to watch films, where they curl up together to brave thunder storms, where they all find comfort after bad days and scary dreams. Her room smells like patchouli. It smells safe.

  The bed is already warm from the fuzzy hot water bottle- the cover is made to look like a penguin- and as Jane tucks the covers around her, it feels like she’s being cocooned from the world.

  Once she’s settled in, Bessie climbs in on one side, Jane the other. She’s still shaking, but it’s a bit less violent now. A mug of steaming hot chocolate is passed to her- Bessie’s hands hover over hers as she drinks, to keep her from dropping it- and it’s much sweeter than she’d usually take it, but it’s not sickly- it’s rich, it’s warming, and she feels the icy nub of cold inside her begin to thaw a bit.

  Or perhaps it’s the presence of the two women on either side of her, guarding her, protecting her.

   She finishes the cocoa, and sinks back down onto the pillows. She rolls onto her side and buries her face into Bessie’s tshirt. It’s stretched, old, worn soft- it smells of home. Soft hands thread through her hair, rub her shoulder.

  ‘Rest sweetheart, we’re right here’

  She isn’t sure, through the fuzz of weariness that’s overtaking her, who says it, but she trusts them, she trusts them both. So she does.

  For once, she sleeps soundly.

[perfectlovekillsallfear87]

&&Im back.

I’m not sure how long I’ve actually been gone from Tumblr. I believe the last time I was on here was when I was in my 20s. I’m in my 30s now and finally got a new laptop. 

I have found it very helpful to get my thoughts out. And typing seems to help as well. 

I’m 32 now. My original tumblr blog was deleted by me. Just too many memories that I didn’t want to remember anymore. I have decided to continue with my tumblr name, but added the 87 at the end cause I guess the other name is taken. 

Let’s see....since this is a place for my own thoughts. I’m just going to start typing them out. I don’t expect anyone to read this anyways. I won’t be using any tags. 

Last night was something that I didn’t expect to happen. Especially not this soon. 

A little back story. A year ago Shea and I hooked up. And my impatient and most likely drunken ass told his wife. And I had nothing to lose. I had lost my job. And was in the midst of a “fuck it” phase.  After that happened, Shea didn’t speak to me. No matter how many times I’ve tried to apologize. I guess you can’t really apologize for something like that. Especially when it came from a hurtful place. I wanted his marriage to end and I guess wanted him to be with me. But heres the thing. I’m in a long term relationship. A year ago there was a lot going on in my life that I wasn’t happy with. And I sought Shea out. He would listen to me when I talked. He showed that he cared. Eventually one thing led to another and bam. We’re at his mothers house hooking up for 6 hours....Yeah, 6 hours.  The thing with Shea progressed over time. I worked at the door, checking receipts and what not. And he took notice of me. He would say hi to me all the time. Pretend like he’s checking on the ice machine just to talk to me. Flirt with me.  I remember when I tried getting a higher position at work and I wasn’t chosen for it. It broke me. And I broke down crying. He took me outside and gave me a cigarette and told me to fuck this place. He attempted to make me feel better. At this time I was working in the bakery dept because I didnt want to be a cashier and it was away from everyone. Thats when I met him. I was in the freezer all the time getting our breads and he would watch me and talk to me. thats when I knew he was into me. when they cut my hours, thats when I went to the door. And he would “check on the ice” just to talk to me.  After that I transfered to the early shift in dairy and frozen, because that was his dept. I wanted to be closer to him. That is when everything really moved fast. I got his number and we just would talk. That year in that dept was the most amazing year for me. I was close to him. But the kicker is....hes married. I knew this, but I still wanted him. I know thats wrong. And idk why I just didnt look the other way.  Wow, this is a really long back story. My bad. One day he called me and at first I didnt want to do anything. I was still super shy around him. But that was literally the only chance I had at the time. My bf wasnt home and I could go freely without telling him where I was going.  Well. We did it. I tried to ruin his marriage by telling his wife. He didnt talk to me for a year. Not until I got my job back (did I mention I lost that job and didnt work for a year, until recently got rehired)  I can tell you that he was surprised to see me at work again. I havent asked him about it, but I plan on to next time I get to talk to him.  I tried really hard too leave him alone. But he would look at me a lot. And randomly show up in my area. I knew he was still into me. You just dont show up on the opposite end of the store. ya know? I still had his number saved to my phone. and I would text him. It wasnt until a few nights ago he actually text me back and talked to me. I told him that I missed him. Not expecting him to tell me the same thing.  I was shocked when he said he missed me too.  Last night we video chatted while I was at work. And he just said “Im coming to get you”  I tried to tell him that I still had an hour left of work. But he talked me into clocking out an hour early. He picked me up and he drove out of town. And he told me he wasnt mad at me. He told me that I need to promise him I wont tell anyone. And I wont. I will on the other hand type it out and get it out of my head. I need to get it out. I hate having something built up in me.  So we drive and make out and eventually have sex in his wifes vehicle!!!  I know. Awful. And now here I am on Tumblr trying to justify my actions. Trying to some how convince myself that I didnt do anything wrong. Im in love with the man, so therefore I cant be wrong.  I told him I love him and he told me he loves me. But he also said nothing can come of all of this. Which broke me. I cried in the dark while he held me. I thought for a moment that he would change his mind. that maybe this is why he picked me up. to go over a plan. but no. he basically said this is only a fling. nothing more can come of it. 

So idk what Im going to do. Idk what to feel. I just dont know. Idk who to talk to about this. I dont have a bestfriend I can confide in. Ive cut so many people out of my life due to trust issues.  idk. i have so much going on right now, its stressful.  my bf is literally dying in front of me. liver failure. hes in the hospital as I type this out. yeah, im a bitch for going off and cheating on him. ive stuck by his side since this all started 8 months ago. i dont wanna get into this now. i’ll save it for another lonely night. 

I was watching awkward on hulu. i was jenna back in my 20s. always blogging my life. it helped me. but then people found my blog that live in the same town as me and it didnt end very well. so i deleted everything. 

i didnt mention my name. but i did mention shea’s name. shea could be anyone, living anywhere in the world. so i highly doubt anyone will figure out where we are. or who i am.  i dont really plan on following other accounts. or reblogging other things. i just needed a place to get my thoughts out. its been a while since ive been on a laptop and it feels really good to be able to type things out. 

well. i guess thats if for my first post. 

laters.

[skzzthingss]

Private Show Pt. 2 ~ Felix

Summary: (Requested) Hey I just read you camgirl×felix blurb and I want to request a part two maybe? Where at first he's watching another privat show but then meets here randomly on the street or so and then gets the chance to have actual sex with her

Warnings: everything basically listed up here ^^

Request here

❤❤❤

Felix got the notification one night that the same girl had gone live, and he watched it from start to finish. He watched the main livestream simply for entertainment as he wanted to see if he could get another private stream. As he watched, he could help but feel something for the girl. He felt silly getting feelings for a camgirl, but he couldn't help it, it was something about the way she looked, interacted with the chat, and just the way she is.

During the public stream, he found himself strangely falling for her instead of getting too aroused. When the stream ended, he waited on the girls profile for her to open private streams. She needed time to regain herself, he told himself. When the button for private streams was made available, Felix almost squealed in excitement, clicking it as fast he could. The girl was sat in the middle of the room on her pink carpet, just like last time.

"Oh, Felix, its you again!" Her face lit up, "welcome back, Daddy."

Felix felt his cheeks flare as she remembered the nickname, typing in his first command.

....

Felix woke up the next day, a little later than usual as he stayed up as late as he could with the girl. Felix giggled to himself lightly at the thought that he was pretty much becoming a fan of this camgirl whose name he didn't even know yet. He shook his head in attempt to clear his thoughts and left his room to start the day. He lazily went to his kitchen to make a bowl of cereal.

He poured his favorite cereal, then went to grab the milk. Except, his carton was empty. He groaned as he looked sadly at his bowl of cereal and decided that a quick stop at the grocery store wouldn't be so bad. He quickly got ready and made his way to the grocery store.

He went right for the dairy section, picking up a carton. He was about to leave when someone caught his eye. He thought he saw the girl just round the corner.

He crept around the aisle to look into it, and he saw her. She was looking through chips and was wearing grey sweats and a baggy hoodie. Felix wanted to talk to her, but he didnt know how. Instead, he just hid behind the aisle, peering around at her.

He wanted to tell her that he watches her shows, but he understood that her shows weren't the kind to just bring up in public. He followed from a distance when she changed aisles.

Felix couldn't help but get a little hard from just seeing her, knowing this was the same girl who shamelessly calls him Daddy and does as he asks, pleasuring herself for him. He began to imagine what it would be like to remove the baggy clothes from her body, she wasn't hiding anything as he already knew what her body looks like. He was so lost in thought, he didn't register that he had dropped his carton of milk, alerting the girl's attention.

"Here," he watched the girl pick the carton up for him, "are you okay?"

His cheeks flared, he couldn't stop himself from getting harder. Her voice rung in his ears, her moans from last night replaying in his mind.

"Y-yea, um, I'm fine," he stumbled on his words a little.

"I'm Y/N," she said, introducing herself.

Without thinking, Felix blurted out, "and I'm Felix!"

Her eyes went wide, as she recognised, but she had never seen his face until now, so she didn't react too much, as she wasn't sure.

"Nice to meet you, Felix," she smiled.

"Yea, you too," Felix said, his voice in a daze. She turned and walked away with a little wave and a smile.

"Wait!" Felix ran, catching up with her again, she turned around surprised.

"Um, want to get coffee or something later," He felt his stomach growling at the thought of finally being filled. But instead of answering, the girl looked at him awkwardly.

"Um, I'm busy later, sorry," she looked at him up and down before turning and leaving again. Felix was confused, why had she declined him? Then he looked down, his boner was standing proud and tenting his pants so much that it was hard to ignore, the girl probably thought he was weird. He was alone the aisle, so he quickly positioned himself so he wasn't so obvious, then pursued the girl one last time.

"Hey, sorry," he said, approaching her again, "about everything, I realize how weird I looked."

The girl looked unsure of him, "that's fine, it happens," she said nontheless.

"Look, were alone now, so I'm just gonna say it-"

"You watch me?" She cut him off.

"How do you know?" Felix was dumbfounded.

"You seem like a nice guy, so I assume you're not like this around every girl you meet," she chuckled, "also, the name, Felix, doesn't come up as often."

"So it's not too weird?" He asked.

She shook her head, "No, it happens more than I'd like to admit." She then looked at him again, "you know, I wouldn't mind helping you out..."

Felix looked down, he had fixed himself, but a bulge was still visible. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"I just walked here, if you want," she brushed a hand across his hard on, "we can fuck, I like you Felix - or should I say, Daddy?"

Felix felt his face burn up, "Sure, let's go."

They both paid for their stuff and left for Felix's house. At the door, their stuff was dropped and they kissed. Felix's mind was racing, he was kissing the girl he would watch on his screen, now, she was in his own home!

Her hands roamed Felix's body, feeling him up almost expertly. Felix moved his hands under her shirt, tugging it and removing it. He looked at her, amazed. She was much better looking in real live. He took his shirt off and continued kissing her, lifting her to wrap her legs around his waist, carrying her to his bedroom.

He laid her on the bed, then took her pants off. The set of underwear she wore was one he recognized, exciting him even more. He removed his own pants and crawled back on top of her, kissing her hungerly. He lifted her to a sitting position and removed her bra, his hand kneading her breasts. He detached their lips, kissing down her neck and collarbone. He slowly laid her down again, kissing down her boobs, down her stomach, and to her panties. He kissed her core through the thin material before removing them.

Something about this felt surreal to him. He had seen her completely bare before, so this was all familiar, but it was all new the same time. He remembered the way she would touch herself on stream, and moved his fingers the way she would. He inserted them inside her, licking up her core and taking her clit into his mouth. He sucked, hard. She was moaning and gripping at his hair, only fueling him one and making him harder.

"Daddy! I'm close!" She moaned. Felix was never one for nicknames, but the way she stuck with it, even now, made him feel something. He sped up his movements and felt her clench around his fingers as she rode out her orgasm.

"Woah!" Felix said, getting up from between her legs, the bottom half of his face glistening. He took his boxers, his cock red and leaking precum. She got up to lightly grab him.

"Looks so painful," she commented before licking the tip and taking him all in one go. He watched her deep throat him, remembering the way she would do it with dildos while she was live. She sucked him so well, he felt his orgasm coming really quickly and strongly.

"Wait!" He stopped her, "I don't want to cum yet."

She got off him. He grabbed a condom from his bedside drawer and rolled it on himself. She positioned herself on her hands and knees, presenting herself in full to Felix. He aligned himself with her entrance and sunk in slowly. The feeling of her, warm and inviting. He began with a slow pace, getting used to her, before setting a much faster pace.

The sound of her moans and skin slapping echoed through the walls. Felix was on cloud 9, the moans he loved so much were being caused by him, and not just on stream. He felt her clenching around him, and her moans became breathy and quick. He sped up, angling himself to hit the right spot.

Her orgasm washed over her, making her moan loudly and grip at the sheets. Felix wasn't far behind, a minute later and he was cumming into the condom. She laid, spent on his bed as discarded the condom. He handed her a tissue to clean herself, as he cleaned himself. He laid beside her, a thought tugging at his mind.

"Do you do this often?" He asked, referring to the fact that she recognized him and offered to fuck.

"No, actually.." She admitted, "you're the first one, most people who recognise me aren't as nice or polite you tried to be, a lot of them just assume I'm a slit and try to drag me to fuck right away."

"Oh, that's not good.." He said.

"I like you, Felix, and I'd like to see you again."

"Me too," they exchanged numbers.

"Great, let's make this happen again!" She said. She gathered her stuff, pressing a kiss to Felix's lips before leaving.

[freyjaiam]

Part of ‘Frey’s 12 Days of Ficmas’

03: Peraltiago: The Battle of Turkeys

Holidays were always chaotic for Amy. She just wanted them to be perfect. She always made a plan and did her best to stick with it so that there was no discord. If one thing went wrong it rocked her. She did her best to keep it cool, her friends and husband always there to try and ease her nerves in a way her parents never could when she was younger. However, being married to Jake was a new pressure she hadn’t dealt with before. Her husband didn’t have many fond memories of any holiday. She wanted to change that. Which was why she was up at four in the morning opening her binder to start the day. She had many pieces of the puzzle already in play.

Gifts?

Wrapped and under the tree her and Jake decorated on December first. Half of Jake’s were decoys because she knew he was impatient and did his best to guess what she’d gotten him by shaking and “accidentally” opening gifts. Socks, underwear, and other random things were under that tree. His real gifts were safely stashed with Rosa, who would be bringing them at dinner. Save for the one gift she still had to pick up before the dinner started.

The table?

Already set. She’d been up until midnight making sure it was perfect. She’d researched many websites, magazines, and even watched some daytime television to get these ideas. Her colors were traditional. The plates each had a little sheer giftbag coordinated with the person assigned to that seat. Gina had promised her that she’d get the flowers for her centerpiece, but since Amy knew Gina liked to sabotage her due to thinking it was funny she also bought extra flowers which she had in the fridge to keep them as fresh as possible.

Alcohol?

Alcohol is a must for parties. Especially with the precinct. Jake’s parents were also coming. Not Amy’s. They decided to visit her brother this year. Her and Jake had bought some and everyone else attending said they would bring something as well. Needless to say it wasn’t going to be a dry party.

Food?

Amy had a slight fight with Charles about the food. She knew she wasn’t a great cook. Despite her promise to always follow the recipe, and despite Charles having gone to the store with her to make sure she had all the ingredients for everything she said she wanted to make, he still insisted on coming to help cook. All Amy could think about was the food truck fiasco where both her and Gina quit because they weren’t cutting the bread right. She didn’t want a hospital visit this holiday, and she knew if Charles was in the kitchen with her she’d probably stab him in the face with her best kitchen knife. So they eventually agreed to split the side dishes in half. She would be in charge of the potatoes, gravy, and green bean casserole. They argued over the turkey. He finally relented but she knew that sneaky sonuvabitch  was making his own turkey to bring here. She just knew it. The little attention whore was probably hoping she’d fail so that he could take the credit for—

“Okay, Amy, focus,” she said outloud with a shake of her head. “You got this. Just…” She checked her watch. “Just under ten hours until people start to show up.”

She went to the fridge to pull out the turkey that she’d taken out of the freezer and—

“Oh… Oh no…” She set it on the counter and it thunked. “WHY ARE YOU STILL FROZEN?!”

.

.

.

“JAKE!” Jake bolted up from bed. His heart was racing and his hand went over it as he looked at his wife. He instantly knew something was wrong due to the wild look on her face. Well that and the giant nicotine patch he saw on her forehead. He hadn’t seen that since their wedding. “We have an emergency!”

“You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“We have more important things to worry about than your heart, Jake!”

“Ouch. Okay. Hurtful. But okay.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just really freaking out, because I already messed up this morning. Jake, the turkey is frozen. Frozen! There is no way I’m going to get it thawed out, in the oven, and ready in time for dinner.”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know, put it in the oven to thaw out?”

“No Jake, that is how you get raw turkey in the middle and dry and burnt turkey on the outside. I’m a disaster in the kitchen but even I know that! I need your help!”

“Okay,” he crawled out of bed and walked to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe Amy. We got this. We’re a team, now, remember?”

“Yeah.” She took a calming breath. “Jake, what are we going to do?”

“I’ll put on some pants and find us a turkey. Shouldn’t be too hard since its still early. Right? I mean, corporate America cares more about making the extra dollar now than taking a holiday off for their employees so… I’m sure I’ll find something.”

“Thanks. I’ll start the other stuff but… Please hurry.”

Jake slipped on a shirt, shrugged on his jacket, and found his wallet and keys. On his way out the door he didn’t ask once about the turkey wedged in the microwave that was destroyed due to the door being on the kitchen floor. He just hoped to God he found a turkey before it was more than just the microwave receiving a beating from Amy today.

.

.

.

“Jake? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nooooooooooooo—-Hey Charles!” Jake spun around to see his best friend. “Just picking up a few things we forgot.”

“Really? But I went shopping with Amy the other day. She should have everything.” Jake hated the almost gleeful look that came upon his best friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” insisted Jake.

“Then why are you here?”

“I told you-”

“No, nope, not buying it,” said Charles, hands on his hips. He was practically bouncing on the heels of his shoes. “Something is up. I can smell it.”

“Well… Get your nose checked. Because we’re fine!” Jake then decided to flip the tables. “Why are you here?”

“Amy said I could make a dessert so I’m making pecan pie. All the extra hours we got this week I couldn’t make the trip until now…”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you went shopping with Amy this week?”

“I did.”

And there it was. The small hiccup. The slight catch of breath, the way Charles slightly adjusted his brown tie, something was up with him. Jake didn’t know what it was, but he was the best damn detective in the city, so he was going to sniff it out.

“Oh? Then why are you here? If you went shopping with Amy then you should have everything you need as well. So, Boyle, why are you really here?”

They stood, face to face, waiting for the other to break. They stood like that for a good minute before Charles cleared his throat and backed off. They silently regarded one another and then separated. Jake sighed a sigh of relief when Charles exited into the pasta aisle. He then made his move. He went down the cookie aisle, knowing Charles would be following him. He knew his friend, and he knew he’d be watching. He took a sharp left down the the dairy aisle, apologizing to the woman whose cart he ran into when he was too busy looking to see where Charles was. Little did Jake know, Charles was doing the same thing, and they both froze in slight surprise when they met again near the turkeys.

“Aha! I knew it! Something is wrong! She messed up the turkey already, hasn’t she?!”

“What? No! I’m just…”

“Oh save it, Jake. I know you’re covering for her.”

“Okay, then why are you here?” Jake raised an accusatory finger at Charles. “You’re here for turkey, too. Aren’t you? You promised me you wouldn’t interfere with Amy’s turkey!”

“My toes were crossed, Jake, no promise was made!”

“Dammit. I forgot about your freakishly long toes,” muttered Jake. “Rookie mistake. Next time I make a promise with you the shoes come off, Buddy!”

“Admit defeat, Jake. I’m going to make the best turkey, and you can’t stop me,” said Charles, showing his ugly side, but Jake could get ugly, too. “I knew she couldn’t do it. I was going to just let the chips fall where they may but decided that swooping in with the better turkey would be better.”

“You know what?” Jake grabbed a turkey. It was perfect. And not frozen at all. “There will be no swooping today! Amy and I are going to make the best turkey. Better than any dry piece of meat you’ll have to offer!”

Charles gasped, then snagged his own turkey. “All have you know my turkey is moist and delicious and it will beat the pants off of your turkey! So bring it, Bitch!”

Challenge accepted.

Merry freaking Christmas.

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.

“Amy! Amy we need to…” It was quiet. Too quiet. Jake locked the door and timidly made his way to the kitchen, hoping she was ok. Amy wasn’t there. There was a pile of potatoes, half peeled and half not. There was also a bag of green beans on the counter. He set the turkey in the sink because he remembered something about a turkey needing to be in the sink from his mother. It was now eight in the morning. They had six hours. They needed to get this bird in the oven. “Ames? Where are you?”

It was then he realized she wasn’t there. He pulled out his phone and texted her that he was home with the turkey. He saw her start to reply, but no message was sent. Did she not trust him to do it? Had she thought he’d fail at getting them a turkey? The thought hurt a little, but he couldn’t let it get to him. Not yet.

Because he had to beat Charles.

How hard could it be to make a turkey?

He removed the plastic and only puked one when pulling out all the guts from the ass of the turkey. Thankfully he made it to the trash can. He threw the guts over his vomit and then took out the trash to remove the evidence of him yaking in the bin. Twenty minutes later he heard the jangling of keys in the door right after he finished cramming stuffing back up the ass he’d just pulled guts out of.  He was washing his hands and talking as he heard someone approaching him from behind.

“Amy, not cool, where have you-” He turned around and the woman in front of him wasn’t Amy. She had long, brunette hair, blue eyes, and was smiling nervously while wringing her hands before placing them in the back pockets of her jeans. “You aren’t Amy.”

“Jake…” Amy stepped into the kitchen. She had an easygoing smile as she approached him. She took his hand then tugged him forward a little closer to the mystery woman. “Jake this is Victoria. Your half-sister.”

“My…” He looked her over once more. She had Dad’s nose. “Oh.”

“Um… Surprise?” said Victoria before letting out a nervous laugh.

“Um, yeah… Hi!” Jake eagerly opened his arms for a hug and she gave him one. She was tense at first but relaxed slightly before he pulled away. “Victoria, huh?”

“Vicki, please, only my mother calls me Victoria and usually that’s when I did something pretty bad,” she said with a laugh.

“Right. Right. So, where are you from?”

“Minneapolis, Minnesota originally but currently living in Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Oh, you don’t sound like—”

“Yeah, trust me, not everyone from there talks like the people from the movie,” she said with a laugh. “Everyone from that town hates that damn movie.”

“Right,” said Jake, chancing a look to Amy, who loved that movie. She seemed unphased about it though. “Fargo sucks. I mean, if you want a good movie, then the one to watch is Die Hard, right?”

“Let me show you where to put your stuff while Jake processes,” said Amy, gesturing toward the hall that lead to the spare bedroom, shaking her head at Jake’s poor attempt to see if his sister liked the movie he loved. When she returned she wrapped her arms around Jake. “Hey… Doing okay?”

“How… When…”

“I kinda went over your notes, and babe we really have to work on your organizational skills, but I managed to track down Vicki with the help of your dad. Um, I didn’t give him a heads up about her being here today either. But she wanted to meet you. More than him. Um… She’s never met your dad so…”

“That’ll be interesting.”

“You’re okay with this?” she asked, her eyes searching his.

“What? Are you kidding me? I love it. I’m just surprised you kept the secret that long from everyone or that no one found out. Wait… Did you fake a turkey emergency to get me out of the apartment or…”

“Oh, no, the turkey is a disaster. I really did need a new one that wasn’t a solid brick of ice. But I see you got one, and started it, thanks Babe.”

“Yeah, about that…”

Jake filled in Amy about meeting Charles at the store. Suddenly, gone was the bubbly woman he loved and in her place was a demon ready to suck the soul out of Boyle’s body and place it into the fiery pits of hell.

“We need to destroy him,” she said flatly.

“Okay, but it’s Charles,” said Jake. “The guy can cook. And let’s be honest, the two of us can barely manage not burning a pizza in the oven.”

“Yeah, but we have a secret weapon,” said Amy with a grin.

“What is that?” asked Jake as Vicki entered the kitchen.

“Hey, Vicki, I was just telling Jake that you are part owner of a restaurant up in Fargo,” said Amy, giving Jake a slight nudge.

“Oh, really?” said Jake, a sneaky smiling on his face as he pressed his fingertips together.

“Okay. I’ve only known you both for a couple hours but I can see something is going on,” said Victoria. “What’s up?”

“Well…”

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.

.

Charles felt pretty damn smug. His turkey was perfect. Along with the cranberry sauce and desserts Amy asked him for after their little fight over cooking dinner. He also made some sweet potatoes, just to be safe. Oh, and some fresh rolls. He nodded to Rosa who had a sack full of gifts as well as some beer. The girl she was dating, the one she met on Jake and Amy’s wedding day, was with her parents instead. Their relationship being new Rosa had turned down the idea of meeting her parents on the holiday and instead decided to celebrate with her second family.

“Charles.”

“Hey Rosa! What’s with all the gifts?”

“None of your business.”

“Okay, okay…”

“What’s with all the food?” asked Rosa, nodding toward the bag. “I thought Amy was cooking.”

“We decided to split the cooking duties this year.”

“Uh huh… But wasn’t she making the turkey?”

“Well… I figured—”

“You went behind her back and made your own, didn’t you? Bad move Charles. Though I approve because it’ll be funny to see Amy annihilate you when you come in the door with it.”

“Trust me, you’ll thank me later,” said Charles as they got to the door. He knocked and it was Jake who answered. His face stern as he looked at Charles. “Hello, Jake.”

“Charles.”

“Ugh,” said Rosa, shouldering her way in with her stuff, avoiding the standoff at the door. She nodded to those who were there. When she noticed a new face she turned to Amy with a questioning look.

“That is Victoria,” said Amy, taking the bag of gifts. “Jake’s sister.”

“Holy crap,” said Rosa. “Well that’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, he thought so, too. Thanks for keeping his gifts. Glasses are in the kitchen for drinks.”

“Okay. Hey, just a heads up, Charles-”

“Oh, I know, Jake told me. Don’t worry. We have it handled.”

Rosa had to admit. It smelled damn good in the kitchen when she got her drink. She also noticed the perfectly cooked pies cooling on the counter top. She smirked at that, remembering Charles saying something about cooking the desserts. Rosa poured her drink and went into the living room to ready herself for the fireworks.

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.

.

“Oh, Charles, sorry. I had no room for the turkey in the oven,” said Amy. “Your sweet potatoes went in there though. They fit just fine.”

“That’s ok, Amy, my turkey will be fine sitting out for the next couple minutes. Since it’s done and perfect. Oh, I saw the pies. Where did you buy them from?”

“I didn’t buy them,” said Amy with a smug grin. “They’re homemade.”

Charles scoffed at that. “Oh, please, no one here will believe that.”

“Ohhh, but it is the truth,” said Jake, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “They are homemade. My sister made them.”

“Kate?” asked Charles. “Well now no one will eat your food. There will probably be glass in it!”

“No, not Kate,” said a woman Charles didn’t know, hands on her hips and her eyebrow quirked. Charles instantly disliked her. “Me.”

“Charles, I’d like for you to meet my sister Vicki. She is a co-owner to a wonderful little restaurant and OUR FOOD IS GOING TO WIN! In your face!”

“Oh, bring it, Jake. My palette is superior in every way. I’m going to wipe the floor with you!” Charles then quickly shifted gears. Because since she was Jake’s sister he totally loved her already. “My name is Charles, I’m Jake’s best friend, it’s really nice to meet you by the way–-Now get ready to suck it!”

“Wow,” said Vicki as Charles marched out of the kitchen area. “He’s… A lot.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s very intense. Maybe a little insane. But he’s my partner and best friend aside from Amy and means a lot to me so hopefully we can get along after all this.”

“Who cares. I just want to win,” said Amy, taking another drink for herself before announcing that dinner was ready.

Jake’s dad had cancelled. Which was fine with Amy but heartbreaking for Jake so she supported him with a half hug. Vicki wasn’t too sad about the dad she never met not showing. Surprisingly she got along really well with Jake’s mother and Kevin, the both of them very curious about her business at home. When it came time to carve the turkeys Amy and Charles faced off at opposite ends of the table. Everyone got a helping of each turkey. From the looks of it Amy and Vicki’s looked better. But looks weren’t everything. They took their seats. Amy cut her toast in half so that the eating could start, and then she just watched. Everyone seemed happy with all the food and that made her feel better by a lot. The turkey was what mattered the most. Charles tried to say she cheated by not making it. Vicki intervened by saying she never touched the turkey and only gave guidance while making the pies.

That had shut him up.

“Okay, you have to settle this for us, who had the better turkey?”

“Must we really?” Kevin sighed before sharing a look with Vicki. “I must warn you. This group of individuals are always involved in some inane quarrel about who is better at what.”

“Competition is healthy, Kevin, and I must say that Santiago had the best turkey,” said Raymond Holt. “Properly cooked. Properly seasoned.”

“Hah, suck it Charles!” sneered Amy.

“I pick Charles,” said Gina.

“Oh you would,” scoffed Amy. “Just like I knew you wouldn’t bring the flowers.”

“Get off my back, Amy, damn!” said Gina before grabbing her wine.

They all went around the table. It was close. Charles was ahead by two before they got to the last of the guests. Rosa picked Amy as did Jake’s mom, which rocked Charles because apparently he’d been trying to butter her up all night. The final vote came to Kevin and everyone looked at him expectantly. He sighed, finally relenting, placing his cutlery down before pondering his decision.

“I’m with Raymond. Amy had the better dish.”

“YES!” Amy cheered before standing up and starting her celebration dance.

“NOOOOOOOO!” shouted Charles at the same time, hands slamming on the table and rattling everything on it.

“Hey, can we get some pie now?” asked Scully.

“We saw the pies cooling on the counter and if you make us wait any longer we may just burn the place down,” said Hitchcock.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” said Rosa, laughing at Charles losing it once more when his pie was bypassed in favor of Vicki’s when he tried to say his pies would be better than hers—then losing tremendously.

.

.

.

Everyone was gone. Vicki was in the guest room getting ready for bed. Amy was putting the last of the dishes away when two arms wrapped around her middle. She smiled, hands settling over his as he hugged her tightly.

“Can I say this was probably the best Christmas I ever had. Meeting Victoria at the top of the list and then beating Charles in the Battle of Turkeys. Also, present decoys? Nioce.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” she said turning in his embrace so that she could wrap her arms around him fully. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t show.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“Hey-oh. Sorry,” said Vicki, who’d come into the kitchen. “I’ll come back.”

“No, no, we’re cool. What’s up?” asked Amy.

“Well I’m not quite tired yet since it’s only nine where I’m from. I was going to ask if you all wanted to watch a movie or something.”

“We… We could watch Die Hard,” said Jake almost breathlessly.

“Oh, yeah. That’d be good. I like that movie.” said Vicki. “Just let me take my contacts out!”

“Oh my God I love her,” said Jake as she left, making Amy laugh. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers for a quick yet satisfying kiss. “I love you, Ames. Merry Christmas.”

“I love you, too. Merry Christmas.”

END

[musingsofanewbienurse]

Transitioning to Veganism

In January 2019 I decided to take part in veganuary with the intention of being fully vegan afterward (bar what was already in my cupboard and needed eating up). It wasn’t a sudden decision, in fact, it had been a gradual choice that I had been considering for months at this point. I had been vegetarian since July 2017 and had been gradually decreasing my intake of animal products so that by the end of 2018 my diet was 80-90% plant based already. I had been avoiding dairy for the most part anyway as it causes my skin to break out badly and cheese was an expensive luxury on a furgal university budget. The only thing that really let me down in that aspect was when I ate out or by not checking labels.

Like most people I had watched the world-famous Netflix document ‘What the Health’ in the spring of 2017 and that was probably one of the first major catalyst that lead to me analysing and changing my diet. I had grown up on a small, rural island off the mainland of England, one of its main agricultures being farming. Every-day I would see cows and sheep grazing in fields both outside my bedroom window and on the way to school, I saw these animals had a good quality of life (in a way that they do not always in larger areas of Britain and the US), and like many people, never really questioned the connection between that and my dinner plate.

I was also notoriously fussy, and although I liked most varieties of meat, the same could not be said of vegetables. In fact I hated every single one until I was 16 and then I could just about stomach carrots. A healthy diet I did not have, despite how much my parents tried to push otherwise. Going vegetarian was simply not a viable option for me back then; but on joining university I started to cook for myself and my taste matured, leading me to today, where I now love 99% of veg (broccoli is legitimately my favourite food) and it makes up the bulk of my diet.

It meant, that when I watched the documentary I was able to genuinely consider becoming vegetarian, and started to slowly phase meat out of my diet. Even then, I knew that ultimately I did want to become vegan, after seeing the impact the meat and dairy industry has on our health*, the environment and on the animals who are subjected to it. But I wanted to do it the right way and for the long-term. If I cut out everything at once I knew after a week or two I would revert back to my usual diet, my body craving things that had always been present. I also wanted to be educated about things I substituted meat for; I go to the gym regularly and I wanted to know that what I was eating would have a good variety of nutrients. And most importantly, I didn’t want my mental health to suffer.

Like most young women growing up in this century I have had issues with food and my body. Although I have never received any formal help or diagnosis I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with food, especially in my mid-teens, though even now some days are harder than others. For the most part I am a lot better, but I was wary that if I suddenly cut out a lot of different foods and placed a lot of restrictive rules on my diet that I would be taking a huge step backwards, that I would go back to obsessing over every little thing that I eat. I didn’t want to sacrifice my health and knew that if I was to do this safely, then gradually converting my diet was the only answer.

And that is what I did. First it was dairy milk, an easy swap as there are so many alternatives on the market. I mainly go for soya at home because it’s the cheapest and I really don’t need anything fancy in my bowl of porridge, but oat is by far my favourite and go-to when I’ve gone out for a coffee.

Eggs was one of the biggest changes. In my second year of uni I had eggs for breakfast nearly everyday that I wasn’t on placement, and I genuinely didn’t see myself as able to give them up. But in third year I found a love of porridge and overnight oats, or tofu scramble if I fancied something closer to what I usually had eaten. And eventually I was only having eggs when eating out, there is nothing nicer than an eggs benedict (and if anyone can link me to a good vegan recipe for it, I will love them forever).

Like I previously mentioned, cheese wasn’t a large part of my diet, because as a university student it just wasn’t worth budgeting for. I’ve never had a problem with any of the vegan alternatives I’ve tried, though this may be because I ate cheese so rarely that I couldn’t really directly compare the two.

Chocolate, the crux for many people, was a big one. “But how do you live without chocolate?” I’m normally asked by my horrified coworkers, and the answer is that I don’t. In fact, I probably have it in some form everyday, it just took a bit of getting used to looking for the vegan friendly alternatives in tescos. But there are plenty, and even some of the major brands are accidently vegan (looking at you bourbons).

Eventually it just left occasions where I was eating out (laziness would sometimes lead to me choosing the vegetarian option, and other times it was simply because that was what I wanted to eat), and items where I had not checked the label for hidden ingredients. Milk powder is in bloody everything, and if it’s not that, it’s normally eggs. Quorn in particular is well-known for this, though their vegan range is steadily growing.

By December 2018 I felt ready to take on Veganuary. I no longer felt like my diet, or lifestyle would be negatively impacted by it and I saw it as a great chance to draw a line under the sand. When speaking to my dad on the phone two weeks in he asked if I was struggling yet. And honestly? I hadn’t even noticed, as there had been so few occasions where I would have chosen the non-vegan option anyway. To me it just made sense that after January I continued to eat plant based, and now, at the end of February I haven’t regretted it once. I am a giant advocator of eating a vegan diet. I feel so much healthier than when I ate meat, am more active than ever and can’t remember the last time I fell ill. I do understand it’s not possible for everyone, people who have had or have eating disorders may definitely struggle, and placing a load of rules on what they can and can’t eat wouldn’t be beneficial to their mental health in the slightest (just as it wouldn’t have been for me once upon a time).

I also understand that if you’re not educated about nutrition and the aspects of a healthy diet, then becoming vegetarian/vegan doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be any healthier, especially with the wide range of plant based foods and meals now out in supermarkets (I’m not berating any of these releases in the slightest, it’s amazing to see so many options and makes it a lot more accessible than it once was, it just means navigating for a healthy option isn’t always the easiest thing). Being vegan is still a privilege, I only have to support myself on my wage and it leaves plenty of room to opt for the more expensive meat alternatives and keep my diet balanced. A single parent with two kids however doesn’t have this option, and places like Lidl and Aldi are brilliant for selling a large quantity of meat for a relatively low price.  

But reducing your meat and animal product intake is good for the planet, and I do think that every little thing, whether that be partaking in Meatless Monday or swapping dairy milk for soya helps. No-one has to be perfect or commit to the most severe of changes, especially if they feel it is what they should do because Instagram told them to, but making a substitution here and there helps massively.

*I am not saying that meat and dairy cannot make up a healthy diet, though like anything in large quantities it isn’t beneficial. There is also plenty of evidence against cows milk and how we digest it. In early 2019 the Eat-Lancet commission (linked below) was published, outlining global targets for the world population to achieve a healthy, nutritionally balanced diet whilst keeping food production sustainable. The diet consists mainly of fruit, vegetables, grains and legumes, with a small amount of meat and fish. It is fairly similar to the Mediterranean diet, and emphasises that you don’t need to cut all animal products out, but reducing them would be highly beneficial on a number of levels!

Walter, W., Rockstrom, J., Loken, B. et al (2019) Food in the Anthropocene: the EAT-Lancet Commission on Healthy Diets from Sustainable Food Products. The Lancet. [online] Available at: https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(18)31788-4/fulltext#seccestitle10

[ildivine]

between watching a lot of youtubers, losing a lot of sleep, and playing a lot of the off-peak games, i feel my creativity blossoming in the abstract way that i strive for.

i at least have come to understand how my creativity is dulled, and what i need to get it going again. its difficult, getting older, and becoming more jaded, and depression in the back of my mind is a noisy buzzing that can only be quelled with alcohol or weed. ive been learning how to deal without the prior, but, mm.

i dreamt about gavin and i think about a lot of people in ways that i don’t get to often talk about. its not like i talk to my therapist about this kind of thing. i havent mentioned the system to any since the last one i trusted treated it like DID, and thats fine for systems that need it, but we don’t work that way, and we never have.

alternatively i do think about myself ... and my past lives, often. i feel my limbs more often and it blends with the dysphoria; its strange to think i get so envious of just being spiritually Aware. ingesting mushrooms is the most helpful thing to me, and i know i mute my own sixth sense with doubt.

ive isolated myself from others quite a bit, as ive been mean again. im learning to appreciate the time i spend with dean and connor, even if it is every day. i miss connor every time i wake up without zem next to me, especially after weekends when i really get used to it.

our one year is coming up in july and ze thought aloud to me about marriage and we gently brushed over it. ze said something along the lines of “well, i wanted to wait for a better opportunity...” which, understandable.

one day ill be able to afford nice things like real rings and wedding ceremonies, but the last week of cleaning up my room, and throwing a lot of things out, made me realize what focusing on survival really means. i told myself that in 2021 i would focus on letting go, and its still hard. letting go of friends, and loved ones, and things, old stuff, its all the same, i have such an emotional attachment that it gets tangled in my head and my emotions. connors told me constantly to buy necessities and i brushed em off ... so im glad a friend helped us make up for it.

its embarrassing and its frustrating to rely on my money for things that others dont see as necessary. alcohol quells my twitching but i do have an addiction to it cuz i simply like to drink til i cant anymore, n im still learning that boundary. weed, i cant really explain what it does for me, cuz it is unusual. simple things like helping my appetite and sleep, two major things i struggle with a lot, as well as giving me inspiration to get up in the mornings, or do anything at all. right now it is medical in new mexico and i have a PTSD diagnosis, and when i smoke, it quiets the voices in my head screaming at me about wanting to die. i dont know how common this is, but its one of the things i struggle with financially. to survive. even with all of my antidepressants and anxiety medications, mental illness still lingers, and i think the more i delve into new media as well as reflect on past lives and old memories, my brain is in a very strange place. but ive come to appreciate that it is strange, i am strange, and i have mental illness, and i probably wont ever be able to silence it. i can take out my desire to cut my own skin open by watching dissection videos, and then im also learning and absorbing new information along the way.

when im not absolutely drunk on a tank of heavy alcohol, i can focus. i appreciate that i lost the years of 2018-2020 mostly due to how much i was drinking, on top of a medication that was already terrible for my memory. but the other day i went through my mood charts over those years, where i wrote down how i was, and although i drank daily and felt guilty about it, my mood was generally stable.

unfortunately its very expensive and unhealthy, and the inevitable withdrawals make me worse off than i started with. my therapist considers me drinking as playing with fire, but ive learned how to consume responsibly; dean and i can stop after a six pack and itll put us to sleep, but ill always want another beer, even in the back of my mind. That slight buzz from the mimosa that Connor drank and melted into was likely most of the reason ze could actually start dozing off, and we were half craving another for fun and relaxation, but i thought “i probably wont be able to sleep tonight without another drink”.

and i was right, and i acknowledge that its a problem. so ive tried to find that sensation from other things like hops tea and carbonated water (ew, its still not good, honestly dsjfsdj) or kombuchas, because it triggers the same response in my brain without.. melting my organs. did u kno ur liver is FUCKING HUGE n its also the only organ that can heal itself?? the cells reconstruct differently than scar tissue usually binds together n i just think thats Neat.meme

jokes aside, i think its also why my liver is Fine despite the fact ive drank since i was 13 years old, minus the year of rehab sobriety. That was also my Only year of sobriety. Digging into my alcoholism ive done a lot of questioning as to why i rely on it, and i think it is a lot to do with being addicted to being drunk, and i think its also a lot to do with ‘wow, i can finally turn my brain off! the thing thats yelling at me all the time, feeling scared and sad,” but drinking is also essentially a boost of stress hormones, so when the endorphins wear off, u get sad or anxious all over again. ive come to learn that i only withdrawal or get hangovers if i drink more than, i guess the recommended amount by doctors. 3 glasses of wine will now do me in, dean can power thru anything regardless of what hes drinking, but it does affect the health in ways i cant ignore.

i enjoy drugs, i think is the bottom line. i look up how to get a hold of psychedelic mushrooms cuz u can just get em in the mail if ur in a country where its decriminalized (hint: we’re not) n immediately the results are between getting help for addiction or how magic mushrooms help depression in low doses.

i really have a theme here. im still mad that my parents induced my reliance on all these substances and i know i would be a lot better off if i didnt drink til i was 21 or never smoked cigarettes, and i accept im always gonna crave these things regardless, but i only feel creative when i drink or smoke, and thats another problem with addicts because u fry ur neurons hard enough it all dies down. ive appreciated watching videos and playing games when i am in the comatose, apathetic stage of depression like i have been in recently, where i cant force myself to do anything and even fronting someone else to do it takes energy that quickly dies down.

my energy has died quickly since i went vegan, as my nails have chipped since, so im experimenting with my diet. my taste pallet cant handle dairy anymore, and connor was only here to try it, and i think we all discovered we just... dont wanna do that. but eating fish again helped my energy and brought a glow back to my skin. too much, however, still gives me the greasy meat sweats, so... a lil bit of everything seems to be whats right.

i still crash a lot, but i think thats just a side effect of being 28 in this generation and feeling 68 instead.

anyway, now that my room is FINALLY clean and looking nice, i want to try to do art again. i miss art. i miss thinking in images, i miss my imagination, i miss roleplaying and writing and drawing and arting. conny wanted to paint too but was absolutely too tired on sunday lol n i respect that so maybe tonight we can get something together.

but its been nice to feel something in my brain stirring again that isnt just the gross black buzz of mental illness constantly telling me to die. i get used to it, i guess. i forget its not supposed to happen because i have survived it for so long. im on the max dose of antidepressants and medicine i can take and i still feel really bad sometimes, but i didnt realize it until other people brought it up. stress definitely kicks me into my big bipolar mood swings, but i havent shaken off the depression in months. im not sure what to do so im trying to expand my horizons.

[lokbobpop]

Consume

and directly from Latin consumere "to use up, eat, waste," from assimilated form of com-, here probably an intensive prefix (see com-), + sumere "to take," from sub- "under" (see sub-) + emere "to buy, take" (from PIE root *em- "to take, distribute

The best definition of the idiom to be consumed by something, in this context, is to be completely absorbed and controlled by one's passion or lust for something or someone.Nov

Consume con some con sume so n sum e

Writing the word consume

I think about what i eat and how im not always an heathy eater especially when i go out for a meal to much sugar in having a deserts or to much fat as in creams etc but eating here i eat better than what i do at home because i have to cook im not bother what i eat and having a bad stomach leaky gut from thought patterned I shouldn’t eat gluten but ate on a daily basis and didnt care to the point not only way it making me ill through my thyroid i actually couldn’t stomach it anymore heart burn.

Reading word consume

I eat way to many sweets when im home all that sugar isnt good for you i want to became dairy and sugar free is like to get to a place where i eat bread but stop animal byproducts as much as possible and sugar its a drug i know so twice a week should be enough.

The thought of consumerism come up and how we are so obsessed with buy shit myself included i cant stop looking on taobao for stuff to buy im lead by things being cheap and i want to buy its all about getting a bargain for me when consuming the planet because thats what your doing its like eating yourself buy buy buy i look at other and have judged what i buy as ok and other as not being ok without wanting to see realize or understand that im just as bad as them im still consuming eating stuff i dont need as in clothes electrical items bedding etc whatever it is do i really need all this stuff no i dont i just let into my wants needs and desires to have stuff which lead back to my race to be the best again wanting for than others because somehow along the line ive made having stuff important.

Consumerism

How the world is crazy within consuming how we can help ourselves it quiet sad really we are trapped on this planet bored out of tiny minds not knowing what to do with ourselves as the song says dazed and confused for so long this is how we have been living we just dont know what else to do with ourselves this is all we know what to do we eat and eat consuming as much a possible because we are trying to fill and endless hole of nothingness we are lost and what to feel hole again this id like a 5 min plaster for this problem so we carry on and for most people they can even try to fill there holes let along eat while millions are obese what is going on why are we not seeing what we are doing we need ot take stock of ourselves we need to see our ugly truth.

Saying the word out loud

In a government eyes im money if i dont spend any money im worthless to them the tax they get from me would be very minimal but is if we all did that they would only find another way to get money out of you like paying more take on money earned land tax and so on theres no getting out of it whats coming on this planet i see is the best for all because out current system isnt working at all it need to stop it need to end so a new beginning can start.

Sf

Does this definition support me no fear of us not getting of the consumerism thoughts of many will suffer but it needs to happen we will then see what we have aloud to happen and change who we are.

Consume can some

Consume

What we only need and whats best for all

How will you live this word? I will live this word with cutting my consumerism down buy whats best for all and not to fill anymore holes with living words of self reflection self change self awareness

[thatunhealthysideblog]

“You should try the Carnivore Diet!”

I had a friend (nurse by background) very enthusiastically try to persuade me to try the Carnivore Diet. He said that he heard of many people experiencing digestive issues that had gone on this diet and had been “cured”. 

“Its fine! Just try it for a couple weeks and see if you feel better. If youre that desperate to fix your GI distress, then youll try it.” 

He even went so far as to offer me a ride to a local store where I could buy meat in bulk and assist me with choosing meats (Im not super well-versed in cuts of pork or beef). This friend obviously had my best interest in mind (appreciated) but I was inclined to take some time to do research before jumping in.

First, I feel that I have to explain a couple things:

When I reference any sort of rules in the diet, I am referencing dietary rules I found on this site. It had the best laid-out overview of what was involved in the Carnivore Diet.

I am not a nutritionist/dietician. I say this because some of my reasoning below may be vague in a dietary sense; that is only because its not my field of study.

Most of the “evidence” I found in favour of the diet was  anecdotal. The site I referenced above is supposedly written by a “doctor”, but this same doctor on another page of his site firmly states that all plant products are extremely poisonous. Ok then...

People were claiming that the Carnivore Diet resolved a variety of health issues, mainly GI-related or assisted in losing weight. The diet is high in protein, obviously. One is forced to remove certain foods from their diet that could (for some) otherwise cause issues: alcohol, coffee, dairy, salt- or sugar- heavy products, carbs. From the info I gathered, the diet claims to regulate blood sugar, contains only fresh (not processed) foods, and is a structured diet with very little room for compromise. Theres also less food-waste involved - removing produce removes the likelihood of it rotting in one’s fridge after a few days. The site I referenced recommends eliminating foods in “levels”; every thirty days, remove a certain amount of foods from ones diet, down to the purest form of the carnivore diet: salt, water, and beef.

I chose the word “eliminating” very intentionally. I didnt realize when my friend initially brought this idea up that the diet is an elimination diet. In general, those that have gone on the diet “adjust” down the the purest form of the diet, stay at that level for short-term, and then typically reintroduce foods back into their diet that dont cause weight gain or GI distress. I can see how this would be helpful - I in theory could find out what foods are triggers for my GI distress. 

However, theres a slight problem. Those that are familiar with my blog would know that I am sensitive to red meats. Red meats, the cornerstone of this diet, cause me distress when eaten in high amounts. In fact, eating a more plant-based diet has regulated my symptoms more than eating a lot of meat. I could see my friend saying to me that perhaps my body would adjust and I could reap the benefits of this diet, but there were draw-backs beyond just that.

I think what made me most wary of this diet was the fact that I am currently undiagnosed. I dont know whats wrong with my digestive system, so I dont know how my body processes certain foods or how it would react to a diet of purely red meats. I didnt find any stories of people that take prescriptions on the diet - I wonder if eating just meat or going through the dramatic dietary readjustments influences the way one’s body processes certain medications. I dont know if Id develop any deficiencies... people on the diet say that meat provides all the nutrients and goodies you need, but I think thats impossible. The restriction of the diet is problematic for me because the diet would become very boring. My relationship with food is already fairly poor - to then reduce my diet down to meat and water would have an even bigger impact on my relationship with food. I couldnt just go out and eat with friends or have people over for meals. These two psychological impacts would likely result in my eating over time decreasing dramatically or having to force-feed myself which I assume you could deduce the further impacts of respectively.

From the anecdotes online of people going on the diet, the adjustment period for the diet is at least several months, including intense withdrawal and adjustment symptoms. For some, this process seemed more trouble than it was worth. This diet also seems to require some dedication financially. Where I live, red meats are quite expensive. To make matters worse, the purest form of the diet requires one to eat nothing but grass-fed beef - expensive and hard to find. 

Overall, I chose not to try the Carnivore Diet. Although there seem to be convincing results for people experiencing various forms of GI distress, there seem not to be any solid studies on the diet or its long-term affects, just anecdotes. On a personal level, I believe the chances of me getting very sick (physically and mentally) trying this diet are higher than the diet improving my health. I think I could very possibly develop an eating disorder trying this diet, considering my current mental health combined with dramatic dietary restriction.

This is not a diet that you can simply pick up and try for “a couple weeks”. I think it requires a lot of consideration and planning beforehand and a lot of dedication and willpower during.

Below the break: I found these videos informative during my research...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFPy3BOGXU4 (he also did a few update videos as he continued on the diet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYSV6908YME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6602MqTCdo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSeU1o-yo98

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N39o_DI5laI (Mikhaila Peterson speaking about the diet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2eU96vCCFU 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2palyaEinGA 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF-jZd_j2iA

[cynthiamwashington]

Nine Doctors Couldn’t Help Me

It’s Monday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Monday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

My primal journey started in 2010. I had just attended my last Weight Watchers meeting ever. I had been doing Weight Watchers since 2005, and was at my highest weight ever. I was massively obese, I was severely lethargic, and I lived with daily brain fog. I was having miscarriages, but was being told there was nothing wrong with me. I went to a new doctor who told me that when I got pregnant again, I should come in and immediately start running tests so that when I lost it, we might have some insight as to why.

That was at the end of April. I was depressed and desperate. My dad had stumbled onto Mark Sisson’s website and pushed me to try Primal eating. I was extremely skeptical. In 2001, when I had first started dealing with health issues, I had been diagnosed with peripheral insulin resistance and had tried the Atkins diet. I was living in a dorm room at the time and failed miserably. So I was skeptical about trying another low carb restrictive diet.

But what did I have to lose?

Within a month of going Primal, I had lost several pounds, my brain fog was slowly clearing, and my gut was healing (another problem I hadn’t realized existed!).

And in July, I got pregnant again. This time it stuck. My son was born 9 months later. After 3 miscarriages, I am firmly convinced that I stayed pregnant because of my diet changes, and I became a full Primal convert.

After my son was born, I immediately resumed my Primal lifestyle. His first real food was bacon, and he loved liver as soon as he was old enough for real food. I continued the Primal journey, and continued slowly losing the weight and regaining my health.

Then I got pregnant again. This pregnancy was a whole different situation. I had hyperemesis gravidarum for both pregnancies, but this time I couldn’t eat anything. I lived off of cinnamon rolls, as they were the only thing I seemed able to keep down, and I drank nothing but gatorade. I was miserable, I was unbelievably adverse to the smell of all meat so I couldn’t even try to be Primal. I developed eczema on my arm so badly that I had to wear sleeves to work so my clients wouldn’t think I’d contracted ringworm! Luckily, my daughter was born healthy. I ended that pregnancy 10 lbs above where I started. And then my health disappeared.

The rash on my arm never really went away. I soon had eczema on my legs as well. Furthermore, I was so constipated that I wouldn’t go to the bathroom for days at a time and had constant crippling, severe stomach cramps. I had horrible brain fog, and who knows how much of that was a daughter who wouldn’t sleep versus dietary issues.

But more importantly, when she was not quite a year old, I broke out with hives. At first we didn’t know what they were and thought they were bed bug bites! Finally we clued in and I went to the allergy doctor. I knew I was reactive to wheat. As soon as I had cut it out in 2010, I noticed I got sick every time I ate it. I was suspicious of eggs and dairy. But I tested positive to literally every single food, plant, and animal they tested me for with the exception of white fish!

He immediately confirmed that it was an allergy problem. But that night I ended up in the emergency room with full body, raised, angry red, large diameter hives (like inches in diameter). He put me on all sorts of steroids, antihistamines, and beta-blockers. I cut everything out of my diet, and literally ate nothing but unflavored ground beef and vegetables for months.

And the huge, angry, red, full-body hives never went away.

I went from the allergist through eight other doctors. I went to conventional doctors, homeopathic doctors, acupuncturists, herbalists, etc. The hives never went away. I finally took myself off of all meds because they were turning me into a zombie. Unfortunately, even off of meds, nothing improved. One doctor started me on progesterone, thinking it was a hormonal problem because my cycles were so irregular (they had been like clockwork up until my daughter), and that made me much sicker. Unfortunately, those side effects didn’t go away once I took myself back off the meds.

Finally, out of sheer desperation, I gave up. I stopped going to doctors. I cleaned my diet up to be 100% Primal. I started meditating daily. I changed my job to reduce the stress.

And between less stress and diet improvements, finally, the hives started to go away. It had been a year and a half. They weren’t gone completely until after the two year mark, and even as recently as a few months ago they’d still pop up if I became too stressed or ate the wrong things.

Since then, my health has been a slow improvement. The eczema slowly disappeared. My gut slowly healed. But my weight wouldn’t drop. All the signs that showed up when I was put on hormones (heavier periods, breasts that were so sore you couldn’t look at them for a full 2 weeks each cycle, twenty day cycles) were still present. And I was plateaued. I would drop to 188 lb (I’m 5’3), but could never get below that number.

I was stuck there for nearly 3 years. I was feeling better overall, but I was stuck. I would be extremely clean for about 2 months, then I would give up since my weight wasn’t shifting anyway. Then a week later I’d be back to Primal eating because the brain fog and low energy would have come back.

Finally, this last spring, I broke that plateau. I had been 100% Primal for a few months, finally, and everything suddenly balanced. My cycles regulated, I stopped being in pain, and my weight finally started to drop again.

It’s still a journey. I’m not quite to my ideal weight yet as I’ve hit several other plateaus since. But for someone who has been obese since they were 16, now that I finally know what works for me, I can be patient. And more importantly, being Primal allowed me to heal up such severe disease after nine doctors couldn’t help me that I became an even stronger advocate than I’d been before.

I was already a licensed veterinarian and was using Primal principles in my animal patients, but after finally healing my own body, I became a certified Primal Health Coach so I could help the humans as well!

So what have I done since I received my certification? Since I received my certification, my life has gone in all sort of directions!

I was already using Primal principles in my holistic veterinary practice. I have absolutely continued using those principles to help heal the pups who walk through my door, and I have created an educational website and Facebook group for owners interested in healing their pets through diet!

However, I still wanted to help people, too.

When I first graduated, I obtained two informal coaching clients. One was a friend of my mother’s who had suffered from IBD, allergies, inability to lose weight, and masses around her thyroid (although they said her thyroid values were normal).

When we first started talking, she was eating grains with most meals, avoiding fat, and filling her diet with things like vegetable oil!

The first thing we did was cut the grains and vegetable oil, reintroduce real foods, and increase the healthy fats.

Within a month, she had lost 20 pounds, her energy was returning, and her IBD was feeling more controlled than ever!

My other client was a friend of mine who had also suffered from IBD, but who also had her gallbladder removed a few years before. In addition, she couldn’t lose weight and had all sorts of fluctuations in her hormones.

Again, with nothing more than diet changes, she slowly started to recover. Her weight decreased more slowly, but it was the first time she had ever succeeded in getting it off! More importantly, the IBD that flared with every menstrual cycle started staying controlled, and her hormones started to balance.

However, that wasn’t the end of coaching for me.

Around this time, I started having other veterinarians approaching me, asking how I had changed my life around. I had gone from severely burned out and feeling trapped and desperate in my job to outsourcing myself from my own business, moving to another state, and learning to love life and travel again!

And they wanted to know how I had done it.

Well, the first answer to that question was that when I started to get my stress under control (which started with getting my diet and health under control), then changes just started to take place that allowed me to completely turn my lifestyle around.

So I also began coaching veterinarians and other health care professionals on how to change their lives around. That coaching isn’t just about health, but health is almost always a piece of what we have to cover since these are women under massive loads of stress, and we have to deal with the health effects of that stress.

Today, I do both health coaching and mindset coaching. I believe in helping people live their best lives, and I will use whatever means necessary to help them do that! So while much of my focus is on veterinarians and other health care professionals, I still do regular health coaching as well.

I teach people that it is definitely possible to live the life of your dreams, and in my case, it all started with learning about ancestral health!

– Jenny Elwell-Gerken

Jenny’s listing in the Primal Health Coach Institute Directory

Website: www.drjeg.com

The post Nine Doctors Couldn’t Help Me appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

Article source here:Marks’s Daily Apple

[itsiotrecords-blog]

http://ift.tt/2s3I3pG

The mouth is one of those weird parts of the body that we all have, but we don’t tend to know much about. It’s not a big surprise that this is the case – after all, it’s kind of a weird thing to think about. Since this is where we take in all of our food and drink, it could get a little odd to think about the nasty side of things. You might get to a point where even the thought of eating or drinking seems disgusting now that you know what is going on in there. Well, being put off by something is no reason not to do a bit of research into it. We have been scouring medical and scientific knowledge to find out all of the most disgusting and nastiest facts about our mouths. The great news is that we can now share all of this information with you! Well, the great news for us. You might not find it so enjoyable. But human nature means that now, even though you have been warned, you just have to read on to see how disgusting these facts can possibly be. Don’t worry about it – they can’t be that bad! After all, it’s not as if you are going to learn exactly how much bacteria you can find in your mouth at any given time, or what kind of things can happen if you get an infection in your mouth. We won’t be putting you off the idea of kissing, or making you feel OCD about brushing your teeth. Oh, wait, sorry – that’s exactly what you’re about to read!

#1 Men’s Tongues Are Longer Let’s start off with something a little interesting which might help you out in the bedroom. In general, men have longer tongues than women – which gives you that extra bit of length if you really want to impress someone. You could probably guess this if you think about Gene Simmons, who is known for having a ridiculously long tongue. There are also more men who can touch the tip of their nose with their tongue than there are women. It’s kind of gross though to think about this incredibly strong muscle, which does a lot of work inside the mouth. Do those with longer tongues still fit their mouths perfectly? Or is there a bit of curling going on? It doesn’t really bear thinking about. Also, if you do start thinking about it, before long your tongue starts feeling pretty weird. You’ll start to forget what you are supposed to do with it when it’s not being used.

#2 You Can’t Smell Your Own Breath You might believe that you can check for bad breath by cupping a hand in front of your face, breathing, and then quickly smelling the air in your hand. Actually, that won’t help you at all. The thing is that when you are talking, you are drawing air from the back of your mouth, but this isn’t the case when you are simply breathing. Now take a guess as to where the worst odours come from. That’s right – the back of your mouth! The best way to check for bad breath is to scrape your tongue, starting as far back as possible, and then smell the scraper. Or you could just ask someone whether you have bad breath or not, so long as you trust that they will be honest (which can be tough). Or then again, maybe just brush your teeth regularly and avoid smelly foods so that there is less risk of having smelly breath in the first place.

#3 Cancer Has A Certain Mouth-Smell Cancer has a certain smell which your dentist might notice before you do. Especially if you have cancer of the throat, nose, or mouth, it might be the people closest to your mouth who spot the very first symptoms that could save your life. It is said to have a bit of a sour, cheesy smell, so look out for this. The symptom is caused by the fact that radiation (which is also responsible for many cancers) can reduce the amount of mucus in your mouth and throat, thus giving you smelly breath. There are lots of other diseases which have signs in the mouth, too. These include osteoarthritis, as well as diabetes. Those who have gum disease are also more likely to have a range of other conditions, too. The colour and texture of your tongue is yet another indicator which medical practitioners can use to assess your health.

#4 Toothpaste Shouldn’t Be Rinsed Out Think toothpaste tastes gross and should be thoroughly washed out of your mouth after brushing? You’re not alone, and most people also believe that you need to use water to swill out your mouth to remove all traces of dirt that have been knocked loose during brushing. Actually, you might be encouraging harmful bacteria to grow by doing this. What you are supposed to do is to spit out your toothpaste after brushing, but then swallow everything you can’t get rid of. This is because the longer the fluoride in the toothpaste stays in direct contact with your teeth, the more of an effect it can have. So all of those bits of bacteria and dirt floating around with the leftover toothpaste should be held on to for as long as possible. It will feel gross for sure when you first start doing it, but this nasty habit is actually the cleanest option.

#5 Saliva Is Made From Blood Think about the kind of bodily fluids you don’t want in your mouth, and blood is bound to be one of them. But the thing is, our mouths are full of blood every day – we just don’t realize it. Blood flows into one of the glands located on our face and then the plasma, which is the fluid-filled part of our blood, is filtered out. It eventually gets converted to saliva through a long process using the specialized cells in our salivary glands. Some elements of the plasma are cut out and sent back to be reabsorbed into the bloodstream, while others make it through to the final cut. Before completion, the saliva has to also pass through one of our mucus glands, which is what helps to make it sticky. Yum. And in case you were wondering, we make a lot of this sticky, thinned-out blood to keep in our mouths moist – a huge amount, in fact.

#6 You Generate A LOT Of Saliva So, saliva is pretty gross to start with, and even more nasty now that we know that it is made out of blood. But how much of it would you say you produce every day? The answer is actually a litre, so you are basically chugging it all day long. During your lifetime, you will make more than 30,000 litres of this saliva. Apparently, if you are an introvert and get anxious in social situations, then you will produce even more than that, as your system goes into overdrive to cope with the situation. Your lifetime’s saliva is more than enough to fill a swimming pool. That’s the kind of pool that no one would ever, ever want to go for a swim in. Even the thought of dipping a toe into it is nasty beyond words. Let’s move on before we have to up the grossness levels with something else being brought up out of our stomachs and through our mouths.

#7 Kissing Passes A Lot Of Bacteria Hands up, who likes to kiss? That’s going to be the vast majority of you, right? Well, you might think twice about it after you read this fascinating little titbit. When you are kissing, you can transfer approximately 80 million bacteria across to your partner within the space of 10 seconds. So if you are having a proper make-out session, that number is going to go up and up and up. What is kind of sweet, however, is that the more you kiss someone, the more similar the types of bacteria in your mouth will become. After a while, you and your partner will have very common bacteria communities, so all of that swapping will start to be a little less varied. At least there’s a more romantic way of looking at this totally nasty statistic. Still, it might put you off the idea of kissing someone new entirely, since their bacteria are all weird and foreign to yours.

#8 Children Have Their Full Set Of Adult Teeth Already When you were a child, you started off with your baby teeth. These took their own time in coming through, which made you groggy and grumpy. But then eventually something started to happen to these teeth, too. You lost them one by one as new teeth pushed through in their place. You might have had some gaps without teeth for a while, or even had some double rows where the old ones hadn’t fallen out yet. But where did all of those teeth come from? Were they growing on the spot? The truth is that no, they were actually all lined up in your skull already, just waiting to drop through into their rightful places. Which is why children’s skulls look pretty gross, with an extra row of teeth that appear to be in the wrong place. Not that having a child’s skull in your hand isn’t nasty for all kinds of other reasons, too.

#9 You Swallow A Lot Of Bacteria Daily So all of that blood-saliva you have in your mouth is pretty gross. We also already know that there is a lot of bacteria up in there, and if you kissed someone recently, you have a big heaping of theirs as well as your own. Now be prepared to watch things go to a whole new level of ick. You swallow around 1.5 litres of saliva every day, some of which might find its way back around again. The rest goes into the stomach with the bacteria getting killed off by the acid there – or at least, most of it. The water in your spit is then repurposed for use elsewhere in the body. It’s quite an efficient system, but that doesn’t keep us from finding it absolutely disgusting. Just knowing you have all that nasty stuff in your mouth is bad enough, but knowing that you are swallowing it all down too is so much worse.

#10 Dairy Foods Build Up A Mucus In Your Throat You already know that there are some foods you shouldn’t eat if you want your breath to smell nice. Garlic is definitely a no-go, as is tuna. You will have those scents wafting from your mouth for hours after eating them. But there is one more food group you may not realize you should be avoiding: dairy. Milk products actually thicken your nasal mucus, as delightful as that sounds. What this can do is produce a sulphurous smell emanating from your mouth. Singers actually tend to avoid dairy so that they don’t thicken up that mucus, which keeps their voice clear. Other foods that you might wish to start avoiding include bread and pasta, because foods which are high in carbs promote the growth of more bacteria. Instead, foods with a high fibre content are good for avoiding extra smells on your breath that you didn’t expect. Who would have thought that milk would have an effect on the mucus in your nose – and that it in turn would make your breath start to smell bad?

#11 Germs Nest In Your Mouth And Cause Bad Breath 85% of cases of bad breath are caused by bad dental hygiene, according to figures released in the International Journal of Oral Science. Basically, when you have food that hasn’t been brushed away out of your mouth, food bacteria can latch onto that food and start to breed. Germs really love to live in warm and wet environments, just like the inside of your mouth, coincidentally enough. So when your breath starts to smell, it’s because of all of the bacteria breeding and multiplying on the rotten food you haven’t brushed away yet. A lot of the bacteria don’t need oxygen and will gather at the back of your tongue, so be sure to give that an extra going-over. If you have that rotten-egg smell going on in your mouth, the sulphur compounds produced by the bacteria are to blame. Get rid of it as soon as possible and brush regularly to remove the rotting food fragments whenever you can.

#12 Dehydration Makes Your Mouth Rot We already know that getting dehydrated is pretty bad. You start to feel dizzy, your brain doesn’t function as well, and your organs even begin shutting down if you let it go on for long enough. But what happens to the inside of your mouth when you aren’t drinking enough water? First of all you stop producing as much saliva as normal, to save on the hydration for the rest of your body. The saliva stops washing away bacteria, and also stops protecting the cells inside your mouth. The cells which are no longer protected start to die off. Yes, when you are dehydrated, you are literally letting your own mouth rot. There’s no wonder that it starts to stink! If you are looking to keep your mouth healthy, as well as the rest of your body, then you should be drinking between 6 and 9 glasses of water a day.

#13 Tongue Infections Are Brutal Now let’s move on to what can happen if you let your mouth get infected. Specifically, we are talking about the tongue. If you ever want to get a piercing in your mouth, you need to be absolutely sure that you are having it done in a sterile environment. If you don’t, there’s a high risk of infection occurring. A tongue piercing in particular can have terrible results. You may have to have pieces of your tongue simply cut out to stop the infection from spreading or getting worse. Even if you don’t get infected, a tongue piercing can be pretty bad news. It’s a great place for bacteria to nestle and can prevent you from cleaning your tongue properly to get rid of them. You are also likely to end up with chipped front teeth, because even though they are the hardest part of your body, they aren’t built to be clinking against metal all the time.

#14 Your Mouth Is Home To More Bacteria Than The World’s Population How much bacteria would you estimate is living in your mouth at any given time? Not too much, right? After all, it doesn’t exactly feel crowded in there. Well, the truth is that you have more than the world’s population of people in bacteria in your mouth. There are around 20 billion microbes there at any one time. They love the cramped conditions, funnily enough, and not all of them are bad. Most of them are essential to your microbiome, so you shouldn’t be trying to kick them out any time soon. However, there are a few bad apples in there. What you basically want is for the good bacteria to be prevalent and the bad bacteria to be washed away as often as possible. If this doesn’t happen, the bad bacteria start to grow and take over. That’s when you end up with conditions such as gum disease and infections which could destroy your teeth, gums, and other parts of your mouth.

#15 Plaque Shelters Lots Of Nasty Bacteria There are more than 600 types of bacteria in the mouth in general, but when you don’t brush your teeth often, that’s when things get seriously icky. You may remember being taught that you have to brush your teeth to prevent the build-up of plaque. Plaque is definitely not something that you want to have hanging around, as it can lead directly to gum disease. How bad is it, exactly? Well, there are around 300 different species of bacteria that live in plaque. So in other words, half of the bacteria in your mouth could be in those deposits of plaque that you just can’t be bothered to brush away. It’s time to rethink your brushing policy, because once that plaque hardens into tartar, it’s much more difficult to get rid of. Not only that, but your oral health could be going downhill quicker than you can react to save your teeth.

Source: TheRichest

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How I Survived Cutting Out Dairy For A Full Week

Quitting dairy was the very last item on my Find Out Whats Causing My Chronic Congestion to-do list. Ive been struggling with this issue since I moved to Tampa five months ago, and I am pretty sure its related to allergies, but I wanted to exhaust every possible scenario before opting for an ENT specialist. So far I have tried: prescription allergy meds, saline sprays, a neti pot, hypoallergenic pillows, a humidifier, an essential oil diffuser, nasal sprays, and Breathe-Right strips. I even had the maintenance team at my apartment community do a mold inspection. Though, since these apartments were built in 2014, I was pretty certain they wouldnt find anything. They didnt.

So, dairy. Dairy is on the list of things to eliminate if you struggle with congestion. Ive always had a certain sensitivity to milk, but its never been something that has affected my life so much that I needed to eliminate it. I just need to be close to a bathroom after drinking a Frappuccino, is what Im saying. But, I figured, lets try eliminating dairy! Who knows maybe my sensitivity morphed into a full-blown allergy and just randomly coincided with my move. Stranger things have happened, right?

Last week, I eliminated dairy from my life and it led to some really interesting epiphanies on my end. First of all, I never realized how much dairy I consume on a daily basis. I drink a cup of coffee with full-fat creamer most mornings. I like pizza and pizza rolls and cheddar-and-bacon potato skins and cereal with cows milk and sub sandwiches with mayo and butter on my veggies. I like cheese string cheese, feta cheese, mozzarella cheese, all of the cheese. And chocolate. Oh, do I love chocolate. Milk chocolate, not dark chocolate. I love creamy, delicious, soothing milk chocolate.

My diet? Was going to have to go through a drastic shift for this dairy-free experiment.

But I did it. I went a week without eating dairy. (Mostly, I had some oops-I-didnt-realize-this-contained-dairy-until-I-ate-it moments.) It was a good week and it was a bad week, and I want to start with what didnt go so well.

It was boring.

I derive a lot of enjoyment from food, and I love looking forward to a meal. I did not look forward to any of my meals during this experiment. What I ate was fine: Nutrigrain waffles with peanut butter, salads, clementines, chicken and rice, etc. But it was just food. It tasted good, but it didnt excite me. I want my food to excite me.

Dairy is in every good thing in this world.

Eating out was fairly impossible, which is why it only happened twice for me. I even had to turn down pizza and cake at my nephews birthday party, and I think I may have hurt my sister-in-laws feelings in the process. (Oof. Not intentional!) And dairy is in. I didnt realize this until I started taking a look at the ingredient list for many of my favorite foods. How does someone with a sweet tooth eat dairy-free? Riddle me this, Batman, I want to know.

I was so hungry the whole week.

This was probably the hardest part of this week. I washungry every single day. It makes sense, though: dairy has a lot of protein and in the process of eliminating dairy, I essentially eliminated a good chunk of protein. Rookie mistake.

The first few days were outrageously hard.

But arent they always?It was hard not to give up. I desperately wanted to in those first few days when I was so hungry. I knew I just needed to get over a hump, and it would be smooth sailing from there, but man, getting over that hump is so damn hard.

Okay, so now that Ive laid out the difficult parts of last week, lets dive into the positive aspects of my dairy-free experiment!

Ienjoy eating healthy

I know this contradicts my first point above, but hear me out. Eating healthy does not come naturally to me. I dont reach for fruits and veggies, lean meats and brown rice. I reach for the bad stuff and I eating the bad stuff. I do not naturally eating the good stuff, but when I do force myself to eat it, I realize I enjoy healthy foods and its tasty. Healthy food can taste good! (Rinse and repeat.)

I slept better and felt more energized than I have in a while

Sigh, this happens when I clean up my diet and start exercising more frequently. My sleep improves! I feel great! My energy levels are up! And yet Ive never been able to stick with eating healthy for the long-term. But this week lets just say I finally slept soundly, which leads into the next point.

My congestion (mostly) cleared up

!!!!! Okay, okay, I was hoping the congestion wouldnt clear up because I didnt want to actually have to consider eliminating dairy full-time.But my congestion really cleared up. Not completely, but enough to make a huge difference in my sleep and, to be dramatic, my life.

So, where do I go from here?

Essentially, eliminating dairy from my diet did exactly what I wanted it to do it helped to clear up my congestion. That said, I am going to see a doctor about my congestion. My congestion never fully went away, so I think its time to get a specialist involved.

Even still, I am truly interested in eating mostly dairy free. It was a hard week, I wont lie, but it also felt really good. I lost 3 lbs, which is a feat for me lately, and I was sleeping better. I want to aim for the 80/20 rule 80% of the time I eat dairy free with 20% allowed for indulgences. Pizza with friends, dessert at book club, things like that.

My plan for the week after my dairy-free experiment was to begin reintroducing different dairy products into my diet to test how my body reacted to them. And Ive been doing that, and in the process, my congestion has come back with a vengeance. It is quite frustrating, but it just shows me that my body is now reacting differently to dairy than it has in the past. Thats life, right? Bodies are weird, complex organisms and we have to learn how to adapt to them.

Im really glad I experimented with eliminating dairy, and now Im excited to figure out how to lead a dairy-free existence. Ive already discovered vegan mayonnaise (Veganaise), which I find to be incredibly delicious. This weekend, Im going to try my hand at vegan baking (< something I never thought Id say.)

Also? Im really proud of myself for sticking with eating dairy-free, especially when it was intensely difficult, and not giving up. Thats something to be proud of, no matter what.

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This is Jenn and she shares: I just wanted to share my story. It's been hard work but I'm getting there. I have liver, bowel and thyroid disease. I started at 218 and lost 40 pounds with Skinny Fiber. I was amazed since losing weight was always hard. I then hit a plateau and needed to make more changes. I started weight training, cut down my cardio and started clean dieting. I now take Hiburn8 to help me sleep and E3 to power my workouts -it's delicious too. I have one cheat meal a week but avoid dairy, cheese, red meat and wheat if possible. I'm a work in progress but it's working. I was a little afraid to start weight lifting because I didnt really know what I was doing. My trainer is amazing. Lifting doesn't mean you are going to look like a man....it's the best way to burn fat and get stronger. I have no more signs of muscle weakness, can bicep curl 30lbs, can finally do full push-ups, and now I can run (even though I hate it). I am off all my medications for both bowel and liver disease and I feel amazing. All it took was the desire to make a change and commit to it. Want to make a change and take the first step? Order your Skinny Fiber at www.FitFierceNFab.com / Link in Bio #healthywayoflife #notadiet #thisismyyear #weightlossjourney #youarebeautiful #weightlosstransformation #weightloss #mom #momlife #weightwatchers #slimfast #atkins #weightlosssupport #losingweight #dropthepounds #dad #nfl #family #goals