#cus i am doing this out of paranoia

[poggersbathwater]

What is MY worst fear?

MY DIGITAL FOOTPRINT CATCHING UP TO ME.

And like, I didn't do anything genuinely bad- I've never said slurs online, or groomed anyone, or did anything morally dubious- I just... acted fucking weird. I've had five online friend groups in my lifetime. Not to mention how I didn't go by any alternative name and some people out there know my FULL FUCKING NAME and HAVE SEEN MY FACE!

Look, as someone who's been on the internet since 2019 (the worst mistake I have ever made), I really think that minors (or anyone really) shouldn't use their legal name or show their face or say their age on here. Literally go by anything else. Call yourself rat, or leaf, or squeaky, or fucking... bow and arrow for all I care- just PLEASE GOD do not make my mistake and do not surround yourself with too many online friend groups or put any information about yourself out there.

[sp0o0kylights]

Steve was going to kill Jonathan. 

He had to save the guy’s life first, but once he did, Jonathan was a dead man. 

Skidding around the corner, eyes wild, Steve only slowed down when he could visually confirm that he had in fact, made it in time.

“Whoa, hey.” Jonathan said. startled as Steve nearly crashed into him, dropping the paper plates he was carrying to his backyard. “What’s wrong?” 

“You-” Steve huffed, breath coming out in sharp bursts and man, wasn’t that a sign that he’d been slacking lately on his workouts? “You need to--”

“What’s happening?” Will interrupted, sensing trouble-- and running immediately towards it as always, El trailing behind. “Are you okay?” 

“No.” Steve growled, hands on his knees, glaring up through his hair. “No, I am not okay. Jonathan won’t be either if he doesn’t go inside and stay there for at least the next twenty minutes.” 

He slowly stood, his general fitness allowing him to regain his stamina quickly even if he had been neglecting it. 

‘I’m sorry I ever stopped going on bi weekly runs.’ 

“What?” Jonathan asked, at the same time Will and El said;

“Why?” 

Steve turned his attention to Will, startled to find the kid was almost taller than he was. That was  a train of thought for a different day, because right now he was still focused on keeping Jonathan living and breathing. 

‘The shit I do for these people.’

“You guys remember Gareth?” He said, staring pointedly at Jonathan. 

Ah yes, there was the little wince he was looking for. 

“Gareth?” El asked, voice soft as Will stiffened visibly besides his brother. 

Steve nodded, still glaring Jonathan down. “You know, Gareth. Skipped a grade, Brown hair, part of the Hellfire club, got his ass kicked by Carver’s asshole buddies because he’s super close to Eddie?” 

“Steve--” Will started, staring at him and not at his brother's hunched shoulders, the very first sign of guilt in a Byers. 

(Among many other things, but Steve knew Jonathan better than he knew Will, and those? 

Those were guilty shoulders.) 

“Your brother,” Steve interrupted, making sure the sheer annoyance in his tone came through, “--decided to have a talk with Gareth.”

He  put his hands on his hips, doing his best to communicate ‘you done fucked up’ with his own face. “Eddie found out and is on a rampage.” 

A fact he had been alerted to by Gareth himself, after the poor kid had called him from Eddie’s shiny new government supplied house, begging Steve to stop Eddie before he made the situation worse than it already was.

(Considering Eddie’s paranoia and general protectiveness was still ramped up to a hundred even now, six months after all the Vecna bullshit, Steve didn’t blame Gareth for calling it like it was. 

Eddie absolutely would make things worse.)  

There was a very long pause, in which Steve got a front row seat to several different Byers expressions. 

First was confusion, followed quickly by realization, and then the slow dawning of horror as Will cued in to exactly what his brother had done. 

Meanwhile; Jonathan’s hunched, guilty form took on the look of something a bit more pinched. 

Like a soccer player who had clocked that the ball was in the air, hurtling dead towards his face, and all he could do was stand there and take the hit. 

“Oh.” El said, her head tilted comically, correctly reading her brothers faces. “Gareth is the boy Will has a crush on.” 

She turned to peer Jonathan, Will’s face managing to somehow go redder at his sister's words. 

“The talk Jonathan gave him was like Jim’s talk to Mike.” 

Implied: That talk broke the two of them up. 

Implied: Said talk was now firmly rooted in El’s head as a bad thing. 

Implied: Jonathan was screwed. 

“That’s not good.” She finished calmly, as Will whipped around to confront his brother. 

“What the hell!?” He shrieked, voice cracking right in the middle as Jonathan raised his hands defensively. 

“Look, you’ve been through a lot, and-” He started, only to be immediately interrupted by a furious;  

“That’s not an excuse!” 

Will advanced on him, sticking a pointed finger in Jonathan’s face, a whole tirade of words pouring out of his mouth. “I can’t-I can’t believe you! I told you about Gareth in confidence! You told me I could tell you anything, Jonathan!” 

Steve raised an eyebrow, impressed to find that baby-Byers could actually be intimidating when he wanted to be. 

He was pretty sure it was the height. 

“Scream about it later, get inside now please.” Steve said, trying to cut Will’s attempt on Jonathan’s life off. 

Personally he didn’t care if the guy’s own brother murdered him, he just didn’t need Eddie to catch a charge.

Again. 

The very thought coincided with their time ending, as a furious screech of wheel’s and muffled metal roared into the Byer’s driveway. The car wasn’t even off by the time Steve heard the door slam, Eddie’s stomping footsteps loud enough for Steve to track him as he came around to the backyard. 

“Hey, El?” He said, as he turned to face down his furious boyfriend. “Tell Will I’m on his side for this one, would you?” 

El nodded politely, a smile overtaking her face as she watched Steve match Eddie’s stride, aiming to head his boyfriend off. 

Kid probably knew what he was going to do before he did it, the little shit. 

“Get out of my way, Steve-!” Eddie bit out, stopping only so he could point to where he wanted Steve to move to. 

Sadly for him, Steve had a different plan.

Instead of slowing down, he simply bent at the knees, wrapping his arms around the back of Eddie’s thighs and putting his shoulder firmly in Eddie’s torso. He had to withhold a grunt to do it, the step- to kneel-to carry was not as smooth as it used to be when Steve was in proper shape and throwing girls around like footballs, but he managed to get Eddie over his shoulder anyway. 

“Hey!” His boyfriend squawked, as Steve smoothly continued walking, right back out of the Byer’s backyard, Eddie hanging over his shoulder. 

“Steven Reginald Harrington, put me down right now!” Eddie shrieked, the words only slightly tangled with Will’s own;

“You’re DEAD Jonathan!” 

(and Els’ gentle laugh, of course.) 

[quitealotofsodapop]

thinking of cicada lilly au and how tense things between "mr. moonlight" and "mr. sunshine" must have been in the beginning.

not only would they immediately recognize each other, but i can just imagine how they'd both be mentally freaking out the first time they saw each other. in an instant both of them are mentally screaming "what the fuck is he doing here!??" "holy shit he's alive!??"

and even after the truce incident things are still tense, less outright fighting, but a hell of a lot more awkward I'd bet. they're mostly talking about the kids they pseudo-adopted then themselves, but it's better than them fighting all the time. progress is progress, I suppose.

that is until how they found their respective kids comes up in conversation, and Wukong nearly has an aneurysm when he learns about Macaque getting tangled up with the bone demon and Bai He's "True Purpose"

referencing.

Oh def. At first the two "pets" were able to chalk their suspicions up to paranoia, but after one of them (likely bird!Wukong) witnessed the other un-glamour - it made things more overtly hostile.

Cus' like you said; "tf this guy doing here?!"

Especially from Wukong since in his memory, Macaque sorta died.

Even after their temporary truce to protect their respective "owners", they mentally weigh their options before getting chummy again.

Macaque in particular tries to leave entirelly one night, only to hear Bai He running around town yelling for Mr Moonlight for hours, tears and snot rolling down her face. He simply could not leave her knowing that he'd be depriving a lonely little girl her best friend and protector. Mr Moonlight calmly appears back at the restaurant's dining area that afternoon - pretending like nothing had happened. Bai He cried into his fur and held him tight, begging him never to scare her like that again. In his cat form he pretends Mr Sunshine doesn't exist.

Wukong considers flying away a few times just to get away from the awkwardness, but his successor is right here. And he's not entirely sure if can trust him alone with Macaque yet. So the bird occasionally screams into the certainly not-deaf cat's ears when he's feeling angry.

Eventually they do sit down on even terms to discuss what brought them to the same home.

Wukong: "Me first cus my kid is older." Macaque: "Fair." Wukong: "He's one of us." Macaque: "...you're kidding me." Wukong: "Yup! Nuwa made him directly and dumped him on me." Macaque: "That's pretty wild... how come you didn't raise him yourself?" Wukong, eyes sad: "I wasn't in a great place. All my friends were gone, our kingdom is non-existent, and I'm too much of a target to give the kid a normal life." Macaque: "As normal as a stone monkey could get." Wukong: "Yeah... so I sought out anyone from the old days that could give him a good childhood. And I found piglet's decendant." Macaque: "What made you choose him?" Wukong: "Honestly? Most of it was gut feeling. Then I saw him help calm down a toddler crying in the resturant and I just knew he'd raise MK well." Macaque: "I suppose you weren't entirely wrong. He is a good father." Wukong: "What about you? Why are you hanging around the little bug?" Macaque, hesistating: "...I'm protecting her." Wukong: "Why?" Macaque, glares: "Wukong, hav eyou not considered Why I was able to come back to mortal world?" Wukong: "I have, but what that has to do with Bai He?" Macaque: "She's not a normal child either Wukong. Not us, but something else... When I was in Diyu, I was approached by someone offering my life in exchange for raising a baby girl to be their host when the time came." Wukong, aghast: "You didn't." Macaque: "I did. I accepted... but I sure as hell am not gonna let them get to her anytime soon. I sniffed out your old master's soul since I knew his power could protect her. Plus I saw him manage to wrangle MK and knew he could handle it." Wukong: "So... what now? Are you just gonna pretend to be a cat for the rest of her life? Or are you going to tell her when this demon comes knocking at the door?" Macaque: "I should ask you something similar. When is MK going to find out his cockatiel is the legendary Monkey King?" Wukong: "We will learn one day soon. Just not right now." Macaque: "You keep telling yourself that. And I'll keep to the tuna if it means the little bug stays safe." Wukong: "Looks like we agree on one thing though." Macaque: "And that is?" Wukong: "We can't stand the thought of anything happening to them." Macaque: "Hmm." *looks away and nods silently*

Note: this convo most definetely occurs on the roof of the restaurant building. Or else Pigsy would be smashing into the conversation with a broom thinking there's burgulars.

Macaque deliberately keeps it quiet on "who" he made the deal with cus he knows Wukong would freak if he knew it was the Bone Demon.

[noemilivv]

Hi I saw ur Hazbin mashups and I was wondering if I could get one. :)

Preferably MALE characters!

About me:

AFAB, They/Them, 4’10, Guatemalan, nonbinary & Pansexual. I have a bit of chub, and I dress in a more youthful style: hoodies graphic tee, etc. I’m introverted, I like to be around people I’m very close to and I’m able to hang out with said before for longer periods of time, usually I only am able to be around other people an hour or so in before I get tired.

I have lots of hyperfixations and will hop to one after another but when I get into a fixation I go all in. Very spacey at times and hard for me to sit down (adhd), I have anxiety so I tend to do verbal and physical stims, shake my hands/fist, repeat words, walk on my tippy toes. Often listening to music or YouTube to help focus and stimulate myself.

Personality:

Id say an overall good person. I like to talk to and listen to my friends about things they like as well as help them in anyways I can.

Very hard working, when invested into a job or project once I get into the grove I can stick to it for hours. Happy to do physical work/projects, as well as ones where lots of ideas and think can be involved.

A little naive at times, sarcasm goes over my head and I don’t get many jokes. I can take things to literal and to heart when I’m not supposed to. Also hard for me to express myself in tough situations, will often laugh when I’m not supposed to. I can also tend to overthink as well, which lead to paranoia. I am also highly sensitive to a lot of things, as my senses are very high. I only like certain foods, get overwhelmed by smells and sounds often and dislike most physical contact.

Very chaotic most of the times, somehow full of energy, talk really loud (I often don’t realize it) love to talk about random things I know or stuff I enjoy. I really enjoy getting compliments and approval from others.

Interest:

I’m an artist I like drawing and making up stories and characters. I also like to sing, though I’m not that good. I also kinda like to write as well.

Some franchises I really like are Trolls, Doctor Who, Marvel, Hazbin, Fallout, Analog Horror/Horror, Overwatch and TF2.

I really like sweets, such as Nerds. I love Arizona Green Tea as well. I also love Pasta and Cheese.

I like learning new thing and will often research and learn about new and random topics, like my YouTube recommendations is all over the place cus of how much I like learning and watching random things

Ty for ur time

hey friend! i match you with…

Husk !!

Husk tries to be softer with you, especially considering you don’t get sarcasm a lot, but sometimes he just can’t help himself from cracking a joke here and there haha

He also knows it’s hard for you to express yourself, so he comes to you instead, he’s the wise, old bartender. He knows you like the back of his paws.

Due to your naivety, he’s very protective over you, he tries to shelter you from the cruel and harsh realities of this world but yet there’s no escaping it

[terror-time-again]

Today's the day! She thought to herself giddily as she put her final suitcase in the trunk of her car.

James and I have been excited for our cabin date for months! She grins ear to ear as she slams the trunk closed.

Annie had met James on a dating app roughly 10 months ago. They've been talking for awhile, but meeting up just never seemed to happen. When one was free, the other was busy. Classic.

Annie scrambles into the driver's seat and clicks her seat belt in. Shit. She says out loud before unclicking the seat belt. I forgot something

She runs back to the front door of her apartment building and is cut off by the creepy guy who lives a few doors down on her floor, Scooter.

You going on a trip? He asks breathily. Need somebody to watch your apartment for ya?

No thank you, Scooter. she says in the same annoyed voice that she uses everyday with him, avoiding eye contact as she squeezes past him hastily. Annie jogs upstairs, her breasts bouncing with each step. She looks over her shoulder. No Scooter. Good.

She unlocks her apartment door and runs to the bedroom. There you are she whispers as she grabs her soft suede purse James had bought and sent her on her 19th birthday last month. She unzips the top and peeks in. Lube, condoms, a butt plug and her favorite vibrator. Can't forget these. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees I find a nice use for the purse.

Annie starts to head out her front door again and notices Scooter skulking down the hall, looking in her direction. Scooter quickly pretends to be looking for something on the ground.

Ugh. She goes back inside and grabs her serrated pocket knife that she inherited from her grandfather, sheathing and tucking it in her jeans pocket before heading back out the door.

She speed walks past Scooter, his breathing wet and heavy. Have fun, Little Annie.

GPS says 20 more minutes until I reach the cabin she grins uncontrollably, bouncing in her seat, her favorite YouTube Playlist on a loop.

I hope he's just as nice in person as he is online. I wonder if he'll be weirded out by my sex stuff. Did we ever talk about kink? Am I too excited? Oh God, am I going to scare him off??

Her bouncing enthusiasm leaving her as paranoia and fear of rejection start to set in.

15 more minutes till the cabin.

Shit SHIT should I turn around? No, I can't do that to him, he's probably already waiting for me. Maybe he'll be understanding? Maybe he'll think it's hot? Maybe he'll--

BANG

Annie let out a scream as her car begins to shakily veer to the left. Knuckles white, she tries to fight the car to pull in the other direction, but it's no use.

BANG

Annie had never been in a car accident before. Hopefully this tree has insurance she groans, resting her forehead on the steering wheel. She looks up at the GPS on her phone. I'm not terribly far, maybe he can come pick me up. She starts to smile What a cute way to officially meet. As she reaches for her phone, the screen dimmed with the 5% battery warning.

OK, maybe I'll have time to get ahold of him and he can come get me. She calls him, no answer. 4%. She tries once more in vain. 3%

Fuck. Annie opens her glovebox to find that she forgot to pack a car charger. FUCK.

She sighs, defeated, before opening her car door and stepping out. She walks over to inspect her blown tire. She screams out in frustration. She tries to call one more time. Nothing. 2%

She opens the trunk and tosses all of her bags to the ground to pull out her spare tire. As she turns around, she could've sworn she saw a tall dark figure disappear behind a tree. She stares in that direction, scanning for motion.

God, I'm stressed...

Annie lugs the tire and jack over to change out the damaged one and gets to work, her phone on the ground next to her in case James calls back.

She gets the car off of the ground when suddenly, she's shoved against the car from behind. The car falls off of the jack, flat tire pinning her right hand to the ground. She let's out a blood curdling scream before a hand wraps around the back of her head to cover her mouth. She continues to scream through cold fingers.

Shhh shhh I'm so sorry, so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, a familiar voice. A calming voice.

James?? She tugs at her trapped hand in vain. She tries to turn her head to meet his gaze, but has her head sternly turned away and slammed into the car door.

Ow! What're you doing?! She protests. James, my hand is stuck under the car, this isn't funny! Help me!

She feels his cold hand follow her arm down to her hand, tender from pain. She can feel him breathing in the back of her neck, making her shiver and get a tiny bit wet.

He chuckles quietly in a smooth sexy tone before tracing his hand back up her arm to her neck, caressing it gently.

She squirms but doesn't fight back. James, we can have fun later, her voice shaking, I'm really scared and I think my hand is broken. Can we please just--

She gets cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. Sliding her face against the car door, she glances down at the caller.

It was James.

Wait- is all she can muster before feeling his caress quickly become a grasp. Realization sets in as she let's out a weak scream, coming out as a gurgle. She struggles, flailing in all directions as she feels another hand rubbing her crotch through her jeans. She can feel herself getting reluctantly wetter as her consciousness starts to fade. Her phone dies mid ring.

With the last bit of energy, she manages to pull her hand free. Grabs the knife from her waistband and slashes at the hand on her throat.

Aargh! You stupid cunt! The voice growled, becoming more warbled. Less human. Annie whips her head around just long enough to see 2 pairs of glowing white eyes from the silhouette. Her eyes widen in horror before 3 more arms emerge from the creature, 1 on each of her thighs, forcing her legs apart for the original hand to force its way into her jeans, the last hand wrestling the knife away from Annie, weak with fear.

The knife hits the ground with a dull clang as she gives up on fighting. This is it she thought. Killed by a monster in the woods. The thought makes her even wetter.

She avoids looking this creature in the eye. She feels her jeans start to rip from having 2 more hands start to aggressively tug them down from her hips.

Annie moans softly closing her eyes, accepting her fate but not wanting to look. She let's out a small yelp as these hands tear her jeans completely off, leaving her with just her panties and a blue button up.

Before she can react, the 6 hands lift her up off of the ground with ease. 1 on either wrist, ankles, 1 on her throat and 1 plunging it's fingers deeply into her pussy.

She writhes and squirms in vain as each hands grip tightens, pulling her body more and more taught. 4 fingers inside of her hole, the thumb rubbing at her clit while completely suspended. The grip around her throat tightens just as she feels herself cum, letting out a gargling moan, her face turning red. She can feel her soaked cunt dripping down her legs and splashing onto the dirt below her. The thumb rubs faster. Harder. She tries to scream only to be met by a tighter grip. Her vision blurs as her fingers reach out frantically, unable to move anything else. She cums again, tears flooding her cheeks.

The grip on her throat loosens slowly before completely letting go. She screams, coughing, gasping for air. She looks toward her assailant, unable to think.

Are you having fun, Little Annie?

Her eyes widen in horror, before she can let out another scream, the hand quickly finds it's way back to the hand marks on her pretty little neck.

No, please, i-

It's useless. She's reduced to an airtight gargle. She sobs mutedly as the thumb that was on her clit disappears into her cunt completely. Fisted. By a monster in the woods. The mere thought brings her to climax once more. She feels herself welling up, trying to push the hand out of her, but it did not budge.

Are you having fun, Little Annie?

Another arm slowly emerges from behind the creature. Reaching towards her button up and slowly undoing each one.

Losing oxygen to her brain, all she can do is lie limp and be used. The hand in her cunt thrusting in and out, Her eyes roll in the back of her head, cumming over and over, her pussy clenching on it's wrist, certain that this was her final moments before the creature loosens it's grip once more.

Annie gasps desperately, sobbing loudly and hoarse.

Why why why whyyyyy? Her voice shakes quietly as the hand that once occupied her neck is now caressing her cheek sweetly.

Because the wet, breathy voice coos

We're having fun

Story inspired by @loreandorder

[yantism]

🦇 ♱ 💗 ~ Mod Moka

♱ 01 ; Hihi!! I’m Moka or you can call me Dollyᡣ𐭩~ My Pronouns are She/They + Neos!! Blu/Blush Cu/Cure Hae/Halo.~ I switch between I/We due to being a Host of a system!!~ [Not an Introject just a Irl/Kinnie] Do Not Separate me from My Identity <3

[PT: Hihi! I'm Moka or you can call me Dolly! my Pronouns are She/They, and also Neos such as, Blu/Blush, Cu/Cure, Hae/Halo. I switch between third and first person when speaking, due to being a host of a system! ( i am not an introject, just a irl/kinnie. Do not separate me from my identity. END PT.]

Please be Gentle when Interacting, and use ToneTags!!~ I Need them due to my Autism and BPD.~ I Also struggle with Extreme Paranoia and Motivation

Please be patient with me!!~

I Luv chatting I wouldn’t mind answering Rambles in our inbox ~

I rarely ever switch out so I’m always here to take requests !!~

[PT: Please be Gentle when interacting, and use ToneTags, I need them due to my Autism and BPD. I struggle with extreme Paranoia and motivation. Please be patient with me. I love chatting I wouldn't mind answering rambles in our inbox. I rarely ever switch out, so I'm always here to take requests. END PT.]

♱ 02 ; I Mainly Make Graphics + Transparents!!~ However I want to start making [small] ID Packs, and to Start Coining and Making Flags!!~

I can work with Little Media, Make Gif Graphics Etc!!~ If not given a Color Pallet I may Default to Pink+Whites+Yellows or the Characters Main Colors!!~

Outside of this Blog I am primarily a Furry Artist + Animator, Therefore I don't always have a ton of time to work on other things, Just keep this in Mind When Requesting!!~

[PT: I mainly make graphics and transparents! however, I want to start making small ID packs, and start coining and making flags. I can work with little media, make gif graphics, etc! if I am not given a color palette, I may default to Pinks, whites, yellows, or the characters main colors! Outside of this blog I am primarily a furry artist and animator. therefore, I don't always have a ton of time to work on things. just keep this in mind when requesting! END PT.]

꒰🦇 ♱ 💗 ~ Mod Moka // Our Posts ᡣ𐭩

꒰ 🎀 ♱ 📓 ~ Vampi’ s Diary // Talking ~

꒰ 🗞️ ♱ 🌸 ~ Daily NewsPaper // Creations of Moka

꒰ 🩸 ♱ 💋 ~ My Tsukune // My Wifey .ᐟ.ᐟ ~

꒰ 💄 ♱ ⛓️ ~ Cross You Out // Yan Posting

[totallynot]

back on Tumblr after two years and holy shit my old posts are so much more cringy than I remember but it's okay I was just a kid i can delete them later I don't think anyone is gonna find this account .

anyways the reason I'm back is because I just need somewhere to write. Tumblr is like an old reliable friend I can go talk to.

Anyways you've missed a lot. Things with her are less horrible. I think me moving out has helped the family. My issues make things worse here. Things still are bad sometimes but not nearly as often.

I actually dated this guy for a year and like 7 ish months. He was a year older than me. I knew him from robotics and I always thought he was kind of cute. He never thought of me before we got together though. Basically how it went was we were both at a party in a game of paranoia and the question asked of me was 'who in this circle would you be most likely to date?' I, the silly girl I was (and lowk still am) responded looking in his eyes and pronounced his first and last name... yeah but the thing is I wasn't even like into him?? I just said it cus like it's fun to tease boys?

idk whatever. anyways one of his friends asked one of my friends to prom and so his friends since all of them had dates were like oh '[ex's name] do you want to bring someone to prom' and he was like 'ig' and they were like 'do you have ideas on who' and he was like 'yeah I think she (me) would say yes bc of what she said in paranoia.' And so then his friends like poked and prodded him to ask me to prom and it was really sweet how he ended up asking me and everything but like unclear if he meant it as friends or what. so like we start planning prom together and he's like kind of really nice and organized and even though I started liking him and at prom we did a lot of hand holding. eventually after prom we went on more dates and started dating.

From the beginning I feel that I was never too into him :/ like he was nice but I had never had attention like that from someone and I really started enjoying how he talked to me and he was clean and everything so we started dating. and like I think I expected things to end a lot sooner than they did when we initially got together.

The first summer together was wonderful. But like we barely talked. Like all we did was make out. We talked on the phone at night sometimes but in person we mostly just made out and dry humped. And so when he was leaving for school i anticipated breaking up then but he wanted to try the long distance. We decided that we'd reexamine our relationship at Thanksgiving.

In the first few months of long distance I was sure I was gonna end things because I knew I didn't really like him that much. Like 100% sure. What made me change my mind was this:

My 17th birthday was landing on a weekend and he said he'd come home that weekend to see me. That was also the weekend of homecoming. Unfortunately I got COVID and was unable to celebrate or go to homecoming or see him. That weekend he along with some of my friends surprised me with a cake and card outside my home. I was so sad and it was so nice and it made me so much less sad. He then made plans to come back home a couple of weekends later to makeup for the fact that we couldn't see each other. A few days after that I was really frustrated during a tennis match and I told myself to think about what makes me happy. And what I thought about was him and my talks with him. So I decided to stay.

Looking back on its, I think that I really liked being in a low stakes casual dating situation. We weren't (at least i wasn't) concerned about sex or anything like that yet I just liked having a friend to talk to everyday.

Anyways so I didn't break up with him and so that's when the sex stuff started. That's when on the phone conversations started to go into things other than kissing. We both decided we wanted to so the next time he was over we did some things. And eventually by the time we were together for sevenish months we had done more things. We gave each other that special gift.

That's pretty much it I guess. It stayed like that for me. We were from there a serious relationship. And things were good but when we hit one year I thought to myself 'damn there's no going back now unless I have a real good reason.' Shiit i shouldn't have let it get that far. Oh well.

I loved him. I just don't think I would want to marry him. I don't know if I was in love with him or even like attracted to him. I loved him like you love a best friend. He was someone I could go to if anything was wrong and he would listen and I could trust that I wasn't a bother to him. I liked having someone that I could be close to like that. I liked the sex. I liked how he held me. I liked that he loved me. But it wouldn't be fair for me to use him for that when I knew I didn't love him like that.

I broke up with him a bit over a month ago and fuuuckk i miss him. I miss having a best friend that I talked to every night. That I could just be with and all my problems would simply melt away. Now instead I have to feel my feeling and that fucking sucks. I am so anxious all the time. And like people that aren't your boyfriend don't really want to hear the same thing about how you're feeling again and again. But writing it down here felt really good.

I worry about him a lot. I often felt guilty about the fact that he had like no friends at college. I felt like I couldn't leave because how does that leave him? I was going to reach out to his friend from high school after the breakup so I knew he was talking to someone about it but my ex said that he'd tell him himself. I found out last week that he did not tell him. That made me worry more but maybe he told his roommate more? Maybe he's getting closer to him and his friends. I don't know. I hope he's doing good. I really do love him still. How could I not? At the very least he was my best friend for two years.

I have been a mess since the breakup. I don't know how to handle things without him being there for me to bounce my thoughts off of. I know myself and know that if I'm still single this summer I may hit him up but it's good I'm single now. It's good I'm able to make the emotional mistakes I'm making recently, now instead of later I suppose.

I tried journaling outside of Tumblr like on paper and that shit just does not hit the same. I missed you Tumblr. Maybe I'll come back more often. This really did help a lot I feel.

[justalilpearlie]

hi guys dont mind me being insane again

im not tagging this too much cus its more of a personal ramble cus idk im feelin silly today and the BPD hits too hard. i wont be explainin what BPD is either so if u dont know either look it up or ignore this post,,

man i. have you ever loved someone so much you cry? /pos

like man i. its not romantic, may i clarify. most of my fps, except for my main one, are platonic. one of them is familial even

but i just. i feel like such a parasocial freako but i genuinly feel so intensely. its so positive too. if you ignore the crippling paranoia i always have abt my fps hating me or me being so intense they get uncomfortable...

but i just??? im not. normal about them.

i dont wanna sound creepy but they make my world so much better. id take a bullet from them. if give anything for them to be alright. i genuinly just REALLY enjoy their company and knowing theyre having fun with me aswell. knowing they enjoy me as a person. that im not a nuisance for the people i love the most.

and gosh i really hope they dont see this. i would feel so ashamed and embarassed if they did.

luckly i have better ways of copying with distress, attachment issues, jealousy, possesiveness, and all that other FUN (not) stuff that comes with BPD or rather specifically having an fp. A nice trustworthy psychologist (if u can afford it) does wonders to you, let me tell you.

its still hard sometimes but ive learnt to deal with it in ways that arent destructive to my relationships with those around me. i can cool down and such instead of lashing out or splitting for the most minimal things.

but now. for whatever reason. i went on a huge "positive" ramble instead. it was meant to be appreciation at the time, and still is, but i feel like its something that couldve scared them off. i showed some stuff to irl friends and online family, and everyone said theyd feel very appreciated if someone told them that stuff, but i cant help but feel is because they're my loved ones also and stuff. i really. really feel like i was too intense. i suck at showing affection in a normal way, a calm way, subtle way, like a normal person.

at this point i think. sigh i think its better if i just say nice things anonymously. i think if people, in general, not only my fps. but if people dont know affection comes from me they'll take it so much better than if they know its *me* in particular. and idk why! its just my brain being stupid again.

brains love doing that, dont they? being stupid. telling you everyone hates you oh so much no matter what you do. that theyre lying behind your back, and hate you in secret, theyre just being polite and allat.

well let me tell you, dear reader, whoever the fuck might read this, specially if its from the bpd tags: thats not true. sure, there might be assholes out there, but those people you think hate you despite how close you are, most likely dont. and i cant even get this through my own head but my sister repeats it to me all the time. "[name] talks so nicely about you and seems so happy seeing you". even then its hard to believe, i gotta stare at nice screenshots ive saved where i believe ive done something good, something worthy of appreciation, something that has not only meaning but an impact, a possitive one. and i know the chances of them actually hating me are low, but i still believe more in those chances than the proof.

i feel a bit delusional in a way. and i mean, i am, often times. but this is one of those thoughts- those god dammed thoughts where you're self aware yet- yet it doesnt shake the feeling away, you know? like no there is no proof, no logical proof at least, only what your mind twists into proof. but you still just "know it", yknow? even if you dont actually know shit and are very wrong. you feel like you do and it- it fucking sucks.

dont even get me started on splits and mood swings, highs and lows. Cause well. THATS NOT THE TOPIC OF THIS POST !! Lmao. i could go on for hours complaining tho. ough.

but yeah!! i just !! sorry, this took a turn. i just. needed to express myself idfk. i'll go back to posting abt minecraft men kissing soon or whatever, sorry normie followers /hj

i love them so much its overwhelming, yet i wouldnt change it for everything in the world, you know? not them. its hard but id rather endure it for them than have them not be THIS level of special to me anymore.

i really REALLY hope theyre not. uncomfortable by it tho. and wont dump me for it. i really wish i had a guide to how to and how to not mess up. so i could avoid doing dumb shit on accident.

and its funny cause theyre ppl that would absolutely tell me if im doing shit that bothers them, yet i believe theres smth else, stupid thoughts man. LEAVE ME ALONE FREDDY MERCURY!! UR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD !! /ref

sighhhh anyhow yeah im dropping it here. bpd is a bitch. and to anyone out there dealing w it? godspeed. you can do this, i know life already sucks and this shitty dissorder doesnt help, but i know you can push through, mi gente bella.

Pearlo out. BPD hours rlly seem to be hitting at around 11-12 am, huh? /ij

[lightyearssurrogatedaddy]

Agoraphobia and mild paranoia, with an insane love of meeting people. I am just a ticking time bomb aren't I. I don't wanna explode and blow up the people I love-- cus yk, I LOVE THEM. I don't wanna hurt anybody, I wanna talk to my friends, I want COMPANY but every interaction makes me back into a corner like a stray dog. And I know I'M THE ONE DOING IT TO MYSELF.

I've looked at the facts, I've mapped out the histories. My friends have done nothing to hurt me and I'm reacting anyways. Is this another "boutta do something stupid"??? Am I about to do something stupid again????

One side of me is pointing at the other going, "He's tryna get us killed!!"

And the other guy's going, "I'm just tryna make us happy!"

Yeah I'm boutta start yelling back and forth at myself I'd better hop on Ao3 💀💀 love y'all! Give me like, five minutes and I'll have my shit together!

What am I supposed to do when I'm bored. I say, holding a phone that has access to the entire internet.

Omhg I almost cried today but dw I cure myself by taking a cold shower outside and scream like someone's tickling me. Freezing cold water is the fix to everything. I have an Outing tomorrow with friend. I haven't been on an Outing in six months. And that was with Best friend. This friend is one of those people you call a friend because you don't know how else to categorize them. Anyways we're gunna go window shopping I think and I'm lowkey nervous about it. Oh dw I HAVE money that's not the problem the PROBLEM is I'm going OUTSIDE in the OPEN amd therefore am BREAKING ROUTINE when what I wanna do is just sit in bed all day texting a friend about birds and shit but at the same time I really really wanna spend time with THIS friend but aawuuuuuhhhh can somebody pat me on the back pleas

Uh, I'm bored. Huh. Eeeyyy I wonder if there's any good fanfiction I haven't finished yet. Get it? Cus I don't... Finish... Any fanfiction I read..... Actually wait that's a lie I distinctly remember having a crisis over a KillerMare fic and even told my therapist about it. Maybe I should go reread that instead of typing silly paragraphs into Tumblr.

Actually can I talk for a minute thanks so I've been paranoid recently about Things and one of those Core Things is me dragging myself into danger willingly. Which I do in fact participate in! But like have you ever evervevr just have you ever aw fuck I mean when you're just nervous and biting at everyone you talk to and you don you can't you just eant some company but you're afraid you're gunna bite them because deep down you're afraid thy're lying to you even though you know they ain't because they're done so many nice things for you and you suddenly csn't recognize some of your friends and you're getting really scared about it because you LOVE these people and you've known them for years and then just now you just feel so threatened by them and you don't know what to do and you wish your stupid brain would stop making evrryone yoy love an enemy.

Frfr we on X games mode staauuuuhhp imma go read fanfiction besties 💥💥💥

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: ��oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[ruby-whistler]

Srry but i noticed in one of ur dream posts u Referred to tommy's cat as hope. I must correct u, that cat was born pussbou and died pussboi. /lh Also tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile btw just wanna say Also for ur posts about dreams trauma or wilbur manipulating him can u provide links to vods or other proof? Srry if i seem rude i mean that in a "genuinely curious way"

Aaa sorry if my ask came off as rude im just genuinely curious :(((

hi! dw, you don't seem rude at all, and i'm extremely happy someone with a different perspective has found my blog! i really appreciate that sort of attitude and am happy to answer :]

/dsmp /rp

the cat was called pussboy by tommy, but dream only called it "the cat" and then said that "it was hope", which is why it sort of became a symbol (his hope is dead, basically) - that's why i kind of made its name capitalized, because it was more of a metaphor than anything.

most c!dream fans call the cat hope because it's just really nice and really symbolic, and also really sad when you think about it. that's why the name was used in the essay, just to clear up the confusion!

tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile

i don't really think so? mooshroom henry was entertainment more than anything, and even if it was bad, when watching the stream i don't remember seeing him mourn that much - on the other hand, dream was very quickly and very obviously attached to the cat, with it being his only companion in months of isolation, along with the hope that even when tommy left it would keep him company.

keep in mind c!dream has been deprived of stimuli and human contact for so long it's officially classified as psychological torture at that point.

i don't mean to compare trauma or even compare deaths - because honestly, what c!dream and c!tommy have gone through individually is incomparable and i think neither should be diminished in favor of the other since they're both terrible situations.

that's why i disagree that it "was nothing compared to" - it had an obvious effect on c!dream, and was still c!tommy killing an animal specifically to hurt him, no matter what reasons he had.

when i'm talking about effects people's actions have had on c!dream, i'm not talking about those people. i'm talking about him. :) /lh

as for the trauma, a lot of people agree that a lot of the things he says or does are trauma responses, and hence it's very possible that he's had trauma before he went into prison!

this includes being repeatedly called a tyrant via propaganda by about half of your friends who decided to betray you, trying to keep peace and being pushed deeper into villainy instead, repeatedly being put in between a rock and a hard place in order to make sure the people you care about don't start killing each other, then being betrayed by your closest friends after merely trying to keep peace (sapnap & george) and just in general having no control over your life or image and grasping at straws to gain it back.

i know a lot of people with trauma who heavily relate to certain trauma responses, which aren't always just shaky breaths and flashbacks, but trauma often also manifests itself in extremely ugly and destructive ways, both inwardly and outwardly.

trying to control the people around you is also very often a response to going through trauma, as well as emotional repression which is... rather evident on c!dream during season two. it only seems to get worse with repeated abandonment.

in the end, during the vault scene, the way he acts really just isn't at all the way a healthy person would act, and a lot of his really bad mindsets come from the way he was taught by the world around him.

the character is very reserved however, and since we don't have his pov we can't really say for certain - a lot of people claim it in good faith because they have a lot of evidence for it, and i think they're certainly valid in that.

that is just before the prison, however. from what happened during the prison arc? there is no denying he's traumatized at this point.

he's been emotionally and physically abused by c!sam since the very beginning of being imprisoned, and being in solitary confinement for over two weeks is generally considered psychological (and maybe also physical?) torture. that alone shows up in a lot of symptoms of his mental deterioration while in pandora's during people's visits, and quackity's "sessions" just absolutely drove the point home.

what he's gone through during this arc is absolutely incomparable to anything others charactes have faced before, and it's just plain suffering being endured by someone who is, despite everything, still a human being.

as for the wilbur manipulation thing!! it's talking about the whole vassal scene (though even beforehand a lot of their interactions are pretty iffy), and here's a post about that :]

I also have a small question about the analysis u last reblogged cus it says "why dream needed lmanburg gone rightfully" and like. The house analogy is poor because for one cus the land is infinite. And 2 cus punz's yard was literally larger then lmanburg. And also stuff about dream being a mediator? Can u provide examples?

i wouldn't say it was poor. dream's said a lot of times that he didn't care in the slightest about the land - a lot of his problems with l'manberg arose with the fact that wilbur basically built it on lies and tried to disallow half of the server to come there. c!dream was mad about the division and the fact that wilbur wanted "freedom" to have authority in his lands - over others, as can be seen in this post also.

the table analogy was fitting not because dream was some overlord, but because these were literally friends he invited to hang out and live in a place he wanted to call home. claiming a part of it for yourself and saying people of a certain nationality can't come in is directly opposing those goals.

in the early days of the smp, dream's always been a mediator between his friends - sapnap and george, who would often get into fights and go around killing each other! he would always do his best to stop the conflict, which continued after tommy joined when he took him to court and then later tried to mediate conflicts he was a part of, which resulted in tommy killing him unprovoked, stealing his gear, and starting the disc wars when dream was trying to get his stuff back. later, during pogtopia, he is also most concerned with peace over everything, and this seems to continue indefinitely after.

Today i was thinking about how messed up the final control room was. Like. Dream arranged the betrayal and punz and sapnap killed tommy and tubbo who like. Were literal children and their pals (because the author, wilbur soot, is dead/j but srsly if u take the streamers words tommy said he was 9 during the revolution sooo)

Sorry im gonna ramble about how dumb canon ages are for a second cus like. Streamers can say the characters are one way or another (wilbur saying he is mentally 30-something, etc.) But in the end the characters act like they(or at least their streaming personas) do.

i... honestly don't find it that bad? they were in a war, and the final control room was basically just supposed to end it quicker. the l'manbergians made it clear they were going to fight to the death, so they really left c!dream no other choice. and it's not like he didn't give them chances to give up.

also yeah the 9 year old thing was retconned, because in that case c!dream would've been 14 and i don't think that's true.

c!tommy and c!dream were both young and once again, in a war. the final control room was an attempt to assure victory, which both sides would've taken if possible, but only c!dream saw he had the option.

i do agree the whole child soldier thing was bad but... complain about that to c!wilbur, methinks. he talked naive kids into fighting for his personal power. however, the age argument isn't really valid either way. they had enough agency to sign up for it, and whether or not c!wilbur pushing the intense nationalism onto them had something to do with that is another debate entirely.

Bacl to final control room cus like??? Also fun fact punz took 2 of wilbur's canon lives. And like that probably is what started wilbur's paranoia which later lead to his spiral and i. Many thoughts full of lmanburg today.

i'm pretty sure cc!wilbur said what lead to c!wilbur's spiral was a "dark, twister view of possessions" and "disregard for his fellow citizen whom he claimed to love so much", but i really wouldn't say it was the control room; if anything the sudden loss of power after the elections seems to me like the trigger for his spiral.

I watched the exile arc live and. I feel dirty almost for feeling little to no sympathy for c!dream (srry ive been forgetting to add that aa) because of his actions toward c!tommy and like. The whole probation was so humiliating and unfair and c!dream was planning to frame him for the crimes he and puffy did under the the guise of "pranks" and c!quackity was planning to seize the vice president role.

i mean... to be fair, if you didn't watch the prison arc much yet or only watch tommy's perspective i understand not feeling that sympathetic - however, i encourage you to maybe watch a few prison visits, since they could help you see the whole picture better!

i also watched it live, and i also thought it was terrible, but i share very much the same sentiment for the prison arc because. absolutely no one should have to go through either of those things, you know?

i don't think probation was that humiliating? he was just. being asked to not start conflict with the other factions for two weeks. of course, what happened as a result is in no way justified, but i don't think probation itself would've been bad at all. either way yeah the framing and c!quackity's behaviour was. very yikes, i agree.

Also c!tommy antis are dumb because they say "he deserved exile angry emoji" i dont see u saying that about ranboo. Just say you hate cc!tommy and go. Also people say c!tommy was just as toxic to c!dream and i??? No. One is the victim and one is the abuser and like. :/// man. This part is rambly srry

i wouldn't say they hate cc!tommy? cc!tommy has a persona who people think is annoying at first ( but then they subscribe because he is super entertaining big man! ) but a lot of c!tommy's actions are straight up toxic to certain characters, such as c!funndy and c!jack. he has a very dismissive attitude towards others and their trauma and it does affect the people around them very negatively.

examples; his repeated bullying and behavior towards fundy:

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

......

Fundy: “I’m wearing glasses…are you making fun of my eyesight?!”

Tommy: “Yes.”

Sapnap: “Your father would be very disappointed.”

Fundy: “Wh – disappointed for wearing glasses?!”

Tommy: “You got glasses, like what are you wearing…”

Fundy: “What do you mean?”

Tommy: “Sapnap, Sapnap, over here. Fundy, Fundy, Fundy, I’m really sorry to say this – I’m just here to publicly denounce you.”

Fundy: “…What?”

( credit for transcript: @/findingjoynweirdstuff )

he's also responsible for a big chunk of c!jack's trauma, both with actions and words, and that's why i think certain people might dislike the character, and i don't think that's wrong of them. anyone can dislike any character they want if they don't attack people for liking them, in my opinion.

also c!tommy was most definitely toxic against c!dream in the cell. it's of course understandable but that doesn't change the fact he was constantly hitting and insulting him (without dream doing anything back for a long while until he snapped) which is toxic behaviour.

i wouldn't say he was "just as" though, so i agree with you on that. they're different and they behave differently.

i made a dream blob keychain today. Is it possible to send images if u wanna see? Idk cus i havent used tumblr before. I think that's all for now. Thx for letting me talk :D peepoShy -curious anon (but fr a connoreatspants c!dream redemption arc would be cool)

yooo that's cool! i don't really,,, know if it's possible to send images? try it out and if it isn't i'll try find a way to turn it on.

also, no problem! just please remember this is a c!dream sympathetic blog, and me as well as my followers are uhh,, oftentimes emotionally attached / personally relate to the character, so if you could avoid sending hate on the character (not that you have or that i expect you to, just a friendly reminder) in the asks that would be great! we already see a lot of it unwillingly so, i'd rather not see more, but as long as the discussion is civil i'm absolutely ok with you asking more and with me answering more questions if you'd want to! :)

if anyone else would like to reblog this and add some things i might've missed with my answers, feel free to, just go easy on her (she uses she/her pronouns!) and keep it factual.

i hope u had a good or at least ok time at school today :D

thanks! i gtg now because exam tomorrow but i'm going to try write the redemption essay tomorrow as well because ohhh boy i have a lot of ideas about what all i could write around the concept.

also sorry this was long, i can't keep my tongue on the leash :[

[phantomphangphucker]

Ectober Day 14: Haunt - No Vacancy

Danny’s a protective guy, and an especially protective ghost. There’s no way he’d let someone potentially genuinely dangerous stay in his town. His ghost side especially won’t.

Danny knows what he has to do with this situation, he doesn’t like it, but it has to be done. It’s his job and this is his home, so he’ll handle it. Sighing, steeling himself, and phasing through the classroom door. Watching the teacher grading papers for a small while, “why are you here?”.

She doesn’t look up to him, “I’m grading papers. No I haven’t gotten to yours yet”.

Danny narrows his eyes slightly, “that’s not what I mean, and I know you’re aware of that”. So far things haven’t gotten violent and she wasn’t yelling or freaking out, so he feels slightly justified in hoping this goes well.

She sighs and looks to him, “and why can’t I be here? What? Do you think you get to pick and chose who’s allowed to be here?”, and bares her teeth at him slightly. Well... there goes being completely non-confrontational.

Danny crosses his arms, “actually yeah, yeah I do. I don’t know if you remember this or not, but I protect this town. Have for years. And I definitely do not let anyone I think might be even slightly dangerous stay here. Visiting is one thing. Passing through. Tourism. But that’s clearly not what you’re doing here. Considering”, uncrossing his arms to point at the stack of homework and recrossing them. He’s not going to give her an inch, considering how easily taken advantage of doing that could make someone. And protecting his town, his lair, his haunt, isn’t something he’s about to compromise because someone else has issues with it. Ghost or human.

She stands up with a scowl, clearly attempting to make him feel small by looming over him. He just floats higher of course which makes her scowl deepen. He knows doing that makes it clear he isn’t intimidated or interested in backing down. “I am doing my job. What I’m meant to do-”.

Danny cuts her off, “then do it somewhere else. Someplace meant for you”, and hoping his meaning will clue her in, put ideas in her head and draw her away. Whatever it takes to get her gone without getting physical or violent.

She practically roars at him, “NO. This is my classroom and has been longer than you’ve been in this town, Phantom. How about you get out of my classroom”, and moves to swipe at him.

Danny sighs, uncrossing his arms to catch her wrist. Of course she was genuinely attached. She wasn’t just here out of familiarity. But still. “You’re weak. Newly formed. This isn’t a fight you can win. And this classroom is part of what’s mine, and has been long before you formed. You do not have claim, I do”, and pulls her wrist making her smack into the whiteboard; clearly she doesn’t have a grasp on her abilities yet. Expected but it does make this easier. Driving off the young was much easier. He does feel slightly bad, but his feelings change nothing. Turning in the air to look down at her, “look, I get it. But this’ll hurt less the sooner you leave. The Realms will form you a perfectly fine lair”.

She snarls at him, eyes flashing orange, “I don’t want that. I already have what’s mine. I already have my lair. Now get out!”, and lunges at him again; Danny simply going intangible and grabbing her back as she passes through him, pinning her to the ground.

Danny sits cross-legged on her back, her snarling and trying to scratch at him all the while, “you can’t form a lair in someone else’s. That’s not how things work. Especially not with me. If you were stronger maybe, but you're not. In this situation, I am a wolf and you are a little pinned baby rabbit. I am giving you the option to leave. I am being nice. Normally I’d just capture you-”, readjusting to avoid her arm as she clearly is starting to get a handle on body manipulation, “-but you haven’t connected to the Realms proper yet. You haven’t formed an actual lair there. You’ll be destroyed if I capture you. Even I have a lair there, it’s not so bad”.

She sneers and snarls at him, trying to push up off the ground but unable to, “then why don’t you screw off to the Realms and leave me alone!”.

“Because here’s my primary lair and I have no reason to leave it. Even if that wasn’t the case, I am the stronger older one here. And I have more claim to any section of the Mortal Realm than any other ghost”, sighing and adding off-handedly, trying to keep a handle on his aggression, “except Wisconsin, but if you want to fight with the ghost whose lair is there, be my guest. He won’t hesitate to destroy you. Eat you”. He wants her to get that that is a serious threat. She is not staying. He is not allowing that. She is nothing short of lucky that his halfa status gives him better control over his ghostly nature. Otherwise, he probably would have already torn her to shreds.

She turns her head around, “I am not moving my haunt, now get OFF!”, and tries biting his knee, he goes intangible but her teeth connect anyway. Her smug look disappears when he doesn’t so much as wince.

Danny forcibly phases his fingers through her teeth, easily overwhelming her energy that’s trying to fight him, and pries her mouth open and off him. She’s starting to get on his nerves and poking at his protectiveness; and his possessiveness, “lady, you are not staying here”, leaning his mouth closer to her ear and pressing her into the floor a bit harder, “you will leave. I do not care if you want to claim this school or even this single classroom as yours. It is not yours. It will never be yours. You are in my haunt, my lair, without my permission and you will get out or I will eat you”, pressing her down a little more and flaring his eyes, “let me reiterate. If you do not leave. If you do not go to the Realms. If you even try to stay here. In my lair. Around my humans. Within what I haunt. I. Will. Eat. YOU”, his pitch rising and reverberating enough to shake the walls.

He can feel and see her watching his teeth as he snarls at her, making sure every single one of his fangs is on display. “You are a child ghost, but that does not change that you are a threat to what’s mine. GET OUT”.

She claws at the ground a little before whimpering when his energy nips at hers for a little added encouragement. Though if he’s being honest with himself, he hadn’t done that entirely intentionally. Her glancing at the desk, “can I... finish marking first”, and whimpers again when he presses down on her again.

Him snarling, “NO. You lost that chance”. He immediately chomps on part of the ecto-energy that makes up her hair and tears it off when she starts up protesting him again, “but-“. So long as she hasn’t connected to the Realms proper she won’t be able to reform or replenish her ectoplasm and energy. And he knows on a primal level that she can sense that just the same as him. That makes her prey to him, and he twitches harshly from trying to not act on that predatory feeling.

“GET OUT. NOW”. Grabbing her head and roughly forcing her to look at him, her ectoplasm splattered and smeared on his face will hopefully be enough.

“I- okay”, her voice is a little shaky, “okay. I’ll- I’ll go. Just... get off me and- and don’t take anymore”, the last bit coming out almost pleading.

He frowns, teeth still bared. Shoving her head to get out a bit of aggression before pushing himself to sit up on her back again, watching her, “give me a second. But if you move, I will bite you again”. He needs to calm down, or he’s going to lunge at her the second she starts moving around.

“Okay”. He feels slightly bad but also unpleasantly pleased over how pathetic that sounded. He had asserted his dominance and ownership, and she had bent a knee.

She seems to regain a bit of her confidence while he’s sitting there breathing, “will the lair the Realms forms me be like... here”. He can feel the struggle there to avoid calling ‘here’ her lair; which he’s certain he would have harmed her for.

“It will be exactly as you need it to be. What will let you satisfy your Obsession perfectly. That’s how Ghost Realm lairs work. It may resemble here. May. But I make no guarantees”.

“Does... yours there have somewhere that resembles here”.

Danny sighs, he knows she’s not asking to move to his Ghost Realm lair. She’s asking if it looks like Amity, his Mortal Realm lair. “I am different. My lairs fulfill different needs. We aren’t comparable”.

She snaps at him, “why the Hell not”, which he pushes on her back for.

Snarling slightly, “because you’re a normal ghost. I am not. The one I have there was conquered from another ghost who was ultimately weaker than me and threatened my lair”, sighing and breathing, “unlike you, the Realms will not form me a lair. And Mortal Realm lairs do not reform, if it were not for my conquered one then if this one were to get destroyed then I would be without a lair. Hauntless. Understand?”. He knows that was part of the reason for his overprotectiveness, the fact that his Obsession was protection only exacerbated that.

She stares off into space a little before shivering, obviously picturing what it would be like to simply not have a haunt. “Oh”.

Danny snarks a little, feeling a little more like himself, “yeah. ‘Oh’”. Shifting a little before pushing himself to float up off her. Her eyeing his hand as he holds it out to her and she turns over to sit up, cautiously standing. He sighs at her paranoia, understandable as it was, “you’ve agreed to leave. So I’ll help you to do that. The way from here to there lies with ghost hunters. It’s not the safest trip”. Continuing when she glances at herself, she was a rather human-looking ghost, “they have equipment that can tell”.

Thankfully she takes his hand, him transferring over enough energy to her for her to float and to turn her invisible and intangible. Her looking mystified as he pulls them up through the ceiling. That manages to get a bit of a smile on his face as he flies them off to FentonWorks, child ghosts could be cute; especially newly formed ones.

Danny parks her on the roof, “stay. Or else”, flashing green stained fangs for emphasis, and phases inside to check that his parents are gone. He’s very thankful they are. He can’t deal with them right now.

Floating back up, pleased she’s stayed put instead of making a run for it. He must have given her a decent scare then. Her taking his hand again without prompting this time and them heading to the lab.

He leaves her standing in front of the portal as he goes to active it, the doors clanging open and bathing the room in a toxic green glow. She fiddles with her fingers and glances to him, “do I have to?”.

Danny glares and hisses slightly, “yes”, and licks off a bit of the ectoplasm from his face.

“Will it hurt?”. He softens at that and shakes his head, sticking his arm through, “no. Don’t worry. I and plenty others pass through here all the time. And you’re not the first newly formed I’ve had to give the boot”, Sam and Tucker had asked the same before their first trip.

She nods and swallows a little, still practicing the lingering habits she had as one of the living. “I... thanks for not eating me”.

“Don’t mention it. But you can repay me by leaving”. Thankfully that’s enough prompting for her to walk through on her own.

Danny sticks his head through purely to check on her after wiping of his mouth properly, grinning at the Ghost Realms ectoplasm wrapping around her and pulling on her, urging her towards the lair that was already forming. At least things go right and she can feel the pull properly, clearly wants to follow. Turning her head to him, “I think this time I actually mean it, but thanks”.

Danny chuckles, “expected. Ghosts aren’t supposed to have lairs amongst the living. It’s unnatural. A haunt maybe, but not a haunt that’s a genuine lair”.

“Then what’s so special about you?”.

“Ah that’s simple. I’m still alive”, and pulls his head back through the portal. She'll hear about halfas soon enough. For now, she’s got a lair to focus on and he’s got his to get back to guarding.

End.

[frauleinjustice]

Birthday Present for Ray: Oumota!!

A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MY CATTO RAY @detectiveseapancake !!! 🎉 🍰 I wanted to surprise him with some oumota fluff this time~! I hope that you will love it lots and enjoy it once u read it Ray, and that it can make for a great gift for you!

Summary: Kaito was egged on by Kokichi, as per usual; this time, to brave through a horror movie as they have an impromptu sleepover over at Kaito’s dorm room. Of course, Kaito still screamed his lungs out, which made for very entertaining reactions for the surpeme leader to see. After teasing him about it, Kaito starts chasing Kokichi around the room, which leads to him glomping the boy down on the bed, and, from there: soft, intimate moments between the two, as they secretly harbor feelings for one another...

So yeah, I wanted to go for something silly, but soft and cute! And to try my hand at writing some oumota cause I don’t believe I have before, nor as Kaito at least as like... one of the main characters in a one-shot: so this was honestly really fun to write and that it’ll put a smile on your face, Ray! You always deserve to have one... ilu~!  and once more, I hope you’ll enjoy... ❤️ and if anyone else gives this a read, thank you! May you enjoy, too!!

A sleepover with Kokichi, watching a horror movie: never the sequence of events Kaito Momota expected. Earlier that day, Kokichi had been egging him on, teasing him about the fact that he ‘wouldn’t have the balls’ to sit through a horror movie in its entirety. Kaito, being the very hardheaded man that he is, took the bait as always, accepted his challenge. Granted, the ‘sleepover’ part was slyly slipped in by Kokichi, who practically invited himself to stay over in Kaito’s dorm room for the night. Kaito let it slide, though: since he oddly... didn’t mind the thought of Kokichi spending the night over in his dorm room; but he still regretted the stupid decision to watch a horror movie, though. ‘It’s said to be so scary, you’ll want to sleep with the light on for days!!!’ So declared the supreme leader, though Kaito hopes to god he was just lying.

Now here he was, trying not to look as distressed as he is as Kokichi starts setting up the DVD player. He had even brought snacks, popcorn, and drinks to Kaito’s room once he arrived. He had already arrived in his pajamas, which was a simple loose white t shirt and checkerboard pajama pants. His hair looked messier as usual... and while Kaito did tease that he looks more like a disheveled rat... he’d never admit that, for a second... he found him kind of cute. Kaito himself was wearing a NASA tank shirt with black loungepants. His hair wasn’t even up in his usual style, wearing it down. It wasn’t often Kokichi had seen it like that. He teased in turn that Kaito looked like a nerd, but: he thinks he actually looks really attractive with his hair down, too. But just like Kaito: Kokichi would die before he’d ever admit that.

“It’s starting, Momota-chaaan...”  Ominously muses Kokichi with a sneery smile, a finger up to his lips. “And like I told you before; if you even think of trying to fly out of this room... I’ll strap you to a chair and torture you!” Which was clearly a lie, but he really wouldn’t allow Kaito to chicken out.

Clicking his tongue, Kaito rests his arms on the back of his head while his back leans against  the side of his bed. “Whatever. I told you I’m not gonna do that! No stupid horror movie can faze the luminary of the stars!” Which he wish he could’ve said with more confidence, if not for the slight hesitation in his voice giving it away. Even if it was obvious as day to literally everyone, Kaito still refuses to admit how terrified he is of paranormal things. He just hopes he seriously won’t have the urge to fly out of the room, or he’d never be able to live it down.

“Yeahhh, whatever you say.” Once the movie began, the two grew silent. The beginning of the movie starts off normal, nothing bad or eventful happening quite yet. Even then, Kaito couldn’t say he was exactly relaxed: he’s just anticipating the moment where things go south real fast. And unfortunately for him: barely 30 minutes into the movie and things were already starting to get much more creepier and ominous. A lightly shaking hand goes to shovel more popcorn into his mouth, bracing himself for what he’s sure will be an eventual jumpscare any moment. As he was snacking on his konpeito and sipping his panta, Kokichi occasionally glanced over at him to read his expressions, snickering to himself. He just knows he’s going to get some very great and funny ones. In fact, he slowly brings wriggling fingers closer to Kaito’s waist, the unsuspecting man not even paying attention to him as he was so focused on mentally preparing himself to get scared. One his hands were close enough, Kokichi firmly clasps his sides while yelling out a sharp: “HAH!!”

“GGHGHKK-?!” Kaito jumped so badly in his spot that some of the popcorn flew out of the bucket, most of it hitting the floor. "Wh-What?! Wh-OUMA!" Snarling, he slams the popcorn bucket down on the table. "Don't fucking DO that, you little cu-" But seconds later, the actual jumpscare in the movie happens, the face of a scary looking ghost suddenly popping onto the screen with a screeching wail. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

"PFFTT, hahaha!!!" Kokichi starts bursting out laughing, nearly choking on his panta as he had to quickly stop drinking it. "H-Heheh, aww, did the Big Cweepy Ghost scaaare you, Momo-cha-HURK!" His wheezing laughter was cut off by bigger arms suddenly wrapping around his waist and squeezing the smaller boy tightly, nearly squeezing the oxygen out of him. "M-Momota....cha..?!"

"IT'S THE SPIRIT OF THE VENGEFUL LITTLE GIIIIIIRL!!!" And squeezes Kokichi even tighter, not even noticing he had grabbed him yet.

A choked gasp, he starts trying to pull Kaito off of him, wheezing out: LET ME GO, YOU IDIOT!"

"Ah-" Now realizing he had been clinging onto Kokichi. He instantly lets go of him, huffing as he rubs the back of his head an embarrassed blush on his face. "S...Sorry..."

"Geez..." Huffs Kokichi with a childish pout. He quickly darts his face away to hide the light tinge of pink on it. While he didn't appreciate having his lungs practically squeezed out; the fact that Kaito would instinctively cling onto even him, made him oddly happy inside... As the movie progressed, Kaito tried to endure the scarier scenes, sometimes being able to stifle a scream, but most of the time still screaming his lungs out. He had Kokichi continue to laugh so hard, tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, albeit at the cost of being clung onto very tightly at times. "Nishishi, Momo-chan looks like he's gonna pee his pants!"

"N-No I'm fucking NOT-GYAAAAAAH!!" A jumpscare from a creepy haunted doll made him cup Kokichi's hand, squeezing it very tightly. "That laugh is so damn creepy!!!"

Kokichi winced a bit from how tightly he squeezed his hand, chortling as an amused smile widened on his face. "Aww, does Momota-chan want me to protect hiiim~?"

Giving a flustered grumble, Kaito instantly snatches his hand away. "G-Go fuck yourself!!"

"Fuck me yourself, coward!"

"Shut upppp!!"

 Despite the several near heart attacks he had, Kaito surprisingly made no attempts to fly out of the room. It honestly impressed Kokichi, who was highly expecting him to do so at some point. Funny as it would’ve been to see him do so... he admittedly would’ve been disappointed. The dare he gave Kaito aside... he really did want to have a sleepover with him. Something about Kaito truly just interested the supreme leader. While he still did find him a big, loud idiot a lot of the time; he was so fun to tease, and always went along with Kokichi’s antics, even if it because he was easily egged on most of the time. When they have their petty arguments, Kaito’s chasing him down a hall or even the rare times they actually just talk casually without being at each other’s throats: Kokichi finds it fun. Maybe that’s why he found himself being drawn to Kaito, wanting to find excuses to spend alone time with him. The astronaut made him giddy in a way most others couldn’t.

Eventually, the movie finally comes to an end. Kokichi starts applauding as if it was the best movie he’s ever seen. “Hooraaay! What a great movie that was! Simply moving! Right, Momota-chan?”

“Uuuuugghghhhhhhhhh.....” Meanwhile, Kaito looks as pale as the ghosts in the film, slumped against the edge of the bed with a grim look on his face. It was a shock to even himself that he didn’t damage all his vocal chords from how much he screamed, now even more grateful Kokichi was going to sleep over tonight: there was no way he’d be able to get some sleep otherwise... though the fact Kokichi being here with him eases his paranoia a bit, was honestly embarrassing. “Simply moving”, my ass...” He groans, voice sounding noticeably hoarse. “But h.....ha! Didn’t I tell you? I wasn’t going to run out of the room: that movie was nothing! I only pretended to be as “scared” as I actually was-WASN’T!” He quickly ‘corrects’ himself as he points a finger at Kokichi in declaration.

“...............”

“D-Don’t look at me like that! I still won the damn challenge, didn’t I?!”

“Mmmn... I guess so. How boring... I was so waiting for you to fly out of that door, so I could torture you..” He sighs, looking so dissatisfied.. until a smile instantly lights back up on his face. “But that’s a lie! I truly would have been disappointed if you did run out the room. I guess even Momota-chan can break my expectations every once in a while, hmm?”

“Heh... is that so? Are you finally admitting that you find me cool?” Quips Kaito with a playfully arrogant smirk on his face as he throws his arm around Kokichi’s shoulders. “You always talking shit, thinking you alllways have me figured out... but I’m not as easy as you think I am! Try harder next time.”

Kokichi was actually stunned for a moment. Kaito, who usually just gets irritated with him: looked not only amused by what he said, but even had the nerve to playfully tease him back with that cocky smirk on his face. “Wh... h-hmph!! Momo-chan’s getting awfully cocky, isn’t he?!” He huffs, balling his fists as a notable blush creeps onto his cheeks. “Geez! After I actually bothered to say something nice about you for once.”

"Heheh...” Kaito noticed the blush on Kokichi’s face this time: cute, he thinks to himself. It felt nice to be the one to tease the other for once, when it was usually the other way around. Kaito didn’t know why he suddenly found himself wanting to do that more often: to seep reactions out of the supreme leader that he normally doesn’t show. Just like how Kokichi found himself having fun with Kaito... deep down, Kaito felt the same with the supreme leader. While he still found him to be an ‘irritating little shit’.... it was starting to be a fond way, now.

Wanting to wipe that smirk off Kaito’s face, and to hide his own flustered one: Kokichi suddenly snakes his hands into Kaito’s shirt to lightly tickle his sides. “Coochy coooo~!”

“H-Heheeeek-?!” Kaito jumps from the ticklish feel of fingers dancing along his bare skin. He instantly clasps a hand over his mouth as he scurries away from the boy, cheeks red in embarrassment from the noise he emitted. “Y-You motherfu-!”

“Nishishi! Ehhh, what did I dooo? What a cute noise you made just now, Momo-chan~!” He giggles, being finding himself suddenly dodging a pillow that was thrown at him. “Oop! Haha, missed meeee!”

“You little-!!” And with that, Kaito started to chase Kokichi around the room, the shorter boy laughing heartily as he avoids being grabbed by the other at each attempt.

“Catch me, catch meee~!”

“I’ll get ya, Ouma!!” And yet; Kaito wasn’t even trying to hide the smile that widens on his face, looking as if he’s having the time of his life trying to chase the boy down in the small room. Unlike when he usually chased him, it was completely in a playful sense, finding himself laughing along with Kokichi as he tried reaching for the boy. Kokichi had even jumped on top of the bed, making mocking expressions at Kaito as he taunts him.

“Over here, over here~!” And just as he was about to hop right off the bed when Kaito came closer-”Ah-!” Kokichi lost his balance, landing on his butt on the bed.

“Gotcha-!” Kaito took that perfect opportunity to literally lunge at and pin the boy down onto the bed. While he made sure not to grip his wrists too tightly, he still had a slightly firm hold on him as he smirks down at the boy triumphantly. “Hah! You were saying, Ouma?”

“..............” But instead of pouting, whining, or acting like a sore loser: Kokichi just.... stares up at him wide-eyed. Here he was, pinned down to the bed by Kaito. Purple eyes looking up at similar purple ones, faces close to each other. “Ahh....”

“?” Oblivious to his unusually quiet reaction, Kaito’s eyebrows furrow in confusion as he tilts his head. “...What? What’s with up with y...ah.” But once he registers the position that they are in, now he understands. “U...Uhhh....”

“M....M-Momo-chan....” Cheeks turn a dark shade of red as he feels unable to look away from the boy, eyes half-lidded. He purses his lips, feeling his heart pounding hard in his chest. "A-Are you gonna... lean down and kiss me, now? Like in those cheesy shoujo mangas...? A-Ahh, I’m not mentally prepared...” He whines, shyly darting his eyes away. And just as it looks as if he was being serious... “...SIIIIIIIIIIIKE!” A shit-eating grin instantly widens on his face, cackling as he looks back at him. “How was my ‘hopeless romantic shoujo girl’ impression, hmm? Did you fall for it, did you fall for it?!”

“Wha-wha.....wh....” Kaito’s own heart was pounding at the major shift of the mood so quickly. Thinking that Kokichi was being serious for a moment- “...Huh.” And then just stares at him when he pulled that ‘it was a joke!’ card at the last minute. “.....A....A-As if.....” Clenching his teeth, now his face was really red as he instantly flies off of the boy, crossing his arms as he turns his head away. “A-As if anyone w-w-would wanna kiss YOU! O-Of course I wasn’t going to do that!!!”

“Nishishi...~!” Despite his little act, the blush on his face was certainly real. And the rapid pounding of his heart at that very moment, too. “Mmnn that’s because Momota-chan wouldn’t dare kiss me.”

“Huh?!” Kaito instantly looks back his way, balling his fist as he retaliates: “You callin’ me a coward?! I so could if I wanted to!”

“Ohhh?” A sharp inhale, Kokichi dares to say: “Then do it: I dare you.”

“.....!” Kaito Momota was one who was very easily baited into doing dares whenever he felt himself being mocked or taunted; but even he’d have more than enough common sense than to do something as intimate as kissing someone just because they egged him on. If he didn’t like the person or straight up would not feel comfortable or okay with kissing them, he’d refuse to do so, not caring if it’d seemed he was ‘chickening out.’ And yet, with Kokichi... he didn’t want to say ‘no.’ In a way, it was as if he wanted to use stubborn tendencies as an excuse to not back down. Why was that, he wonders...? Or maybe the answer wasn’t an confusing as he likes to think it is. Gulping, Kaito finally gives him a response... in the form of a confident nod. “F-Fine. I’ll show you that Kaito Momota ain’t no chicken!”

“.....” For a second, genuine surprise showed on Kokichi’s face. He absolutely did not expect Kaito to actually go through with it. Was it only because he dared him? Would Kaito do this with just anyone if they taunted him like Kokichi did? He didn’t want to think about that, burying the self-doubt that he may not be a special exception. No, he wanted to think he was: that only he would be someone Kaito was willing to kiss. “...Well?” Smiling, Kokichi crawls closer to him. “I’m waitiiiing~!”

Despite agreeing to do this, Kaito honestly couldn’t believe this was actually happening. One moment, they were watching a moment together; and now, he was about to kiss the supreme leader. For some reason, an unfamiliar kind of nervousness started to bubble up in him. Why was he so nervous, he thinks to himself. It’s just a kiss! Just give him one kiss and it’s over with: but he wasn’t thinking like that. Rather... he didn’t want to mess this up. Didn’t want to give him a half-assed kiss, as it’d have no feeling to it. Quickly shaking his head of such ‘sappy’ thoughts, a hand slowly goes to cup the other’s chin. “Y...You’re gonna get a kiss from the Luminary of the Stars, himself! You’d better feel lucky!” He declares, trying to joke around to hopefully shake off some of the nervousness and rapid pounding of his heart.

His heart thumps hard in his chest when Kaito cups his chin like that. He’s almost happy he made that ridiculous declaration, chortling to help distract himself from how nervous he was. “Whatever you say, Momota-chan. Now come onnn....” He impatiently whines as he closes his eyes. “Do it alreadyyyy....”

“Alright, alright...” Taking a deep exhale, Kaito starts to lean his face in more. Wriggling lips are forced to keep steady as their faces become closer and closer. He can hear the soft breathing of the other, their bangs brushing against each other’s. With lips so close, they are barely brushing together... if he leans in any closer, their lips will surely meet. Kokichi could also feel just how much closer Kaito was, stifling a muffled whine. Any minute, their lips were going to meet. He was going to be kissed by Kaito... the already lack of patience was making the anticipation kill him, almost tempted to whine to him again to hurry up... until he finally feels lips softly press against his.

“Mmn...” Kokichi feels his heart flutter in his chest, slowly processing this very moment. He jokingly expected a rough or sloppy kiss, considering it was Kaito; and yet, it felt so soft, so gentle... as if Kaito wanted to make sure he was careful. A quiet hum vibrating through him, Kokichi already found himself indulging in the nice feeling of his lips, pressing his own against Kaito’s more firmly, ever so slightly.

Kaito also found himself loving the feeling of Kokichi’s soft lips... the hand he was using to cup Kokichi’s chin, he finds himself stroking it gently with his thumb. He felt Kokichi press his lips firmer against his, making a quiet sigh leave him as he dares to do the same. Even if he did this under the excuse of being ‘dared’ to... he didn’t want it to end. He wanted to kiss him for as long as he could before it would have to end. And once it did, when he eventually has to pull away so they could breathe... their heated faces are still so close.

“M...Momo-chan...” His voice is barely above a whisper. As much as he wanted to tease him about the fact that he definitely used this dare as an excuse to kiss him... right now, he just wanted to indulge in that feeling again. So before he knew it, arms would go to link around Kaito’s neck as he nestles himself in his lap. Nuzzling their foreheads together, he utters: “....One more...”

Maybe it was the heat of the moment; or maybe it was the boy not caring to deny how badly he truly was crushing on the supreme leader, with the other secretly returning those feelings... that Kaito doesn’t have to think twice about it. Arms going to immediately wrap around the smaller boy’s waist, he nods and gives a simple: “Yeah...” Before he leans in once more, Kokichi meeting him halfway as they close the distance in a kiss. One that’s still soft, but even firmer as they both quickly deepen it. Soft sighs and hums emit from them, Kokichi occasionally giving Kaito’s lips quick pecks in between the kiss. It makes a low, content hum seep from Kaito, who presses deeper and slower pecks to Kokichi’s lips in turn.

And even once that kiss is over, they still did not want to stop: but they did need to catch their breath, and the thought of their kisses growing even more passionate was a bit much for them to handle right now, when their hearts already felt like they could burst out of their chests. So simply giving each one last quick peck, they break away from the kisses for good. “N...Nishishi....” He breathes out a soft giggle in between pants. “Momo-chan’s.... not so bad to kiss. And that isn’t a lie...”

“Y...Y-Yeah, well: you’re not so bad yourself, Ouma...” He also utters in between deep pants. His face felt like it was on fire, only having a bit of solace when seeing how deeply red Kokichi’s own face was. “Can’t believe I really just... fucking kissed you because you taunted me. And that... I wanted to do it again: on my own will. U-Ugh....just saying this is embarrassing...”  

“Hehehe.... Momo-chan’s such a sap...” Though he doesn’t say it in a mocking tone; rather a fond one as he suddenly leans back real far, so that he brings Kaito down with him as they’re now plopped down on the bed.

“Who you callin’ a sap-oh...!” He let out a small yelp in surprise when Kokichi brings them both down, rolling his eyes with a chortle as he wildly ruffles his hair. “Lil shit...” He playfully quips with just as much fondness in his tone, giving Kokichi a warm smile: one that held a special kind of warmth he normally doesn’t give others.

Giggling at the hair ruffles and his playful remark, Kokichi gives Kaito a beaming smile in return. “Momo-chan~!” Oh how he adored that smile... and his beloved astronaut. He rolls right into Kaito’s arms, smaller arms wrapping Kaito as he buries his face into his chest.

“Woah!” He blinks in surprise from the sudden cuddly embrace, trying to stifle a chuckle when feeling Kokichi nuzzle his face into his chest. “You havin’ fun down there?” Not that Kaito minds this at all, surprisingly enough. In fact, one arm would go to wrap around Kokichi’s waist, while his other hand rests on top of his head, patting it softly. “You know, Ouma... I know I always talk a lot of shit to you, too, but... you’re actually not so bad. I don’t, uh... hate you, or anything: is what I’m trying to say. I never did, really.”

A happy hum at the head pats, a soft gasp leaves his lips when he hears him say that. “Momota-chan...” He wasn’t so bad... he never actually hated him. Something about that... made Kokichi feel warm inside. An indescribable amount of happiness was bubbling up in him, hoping that his face wasn’t too visible as the widest, genuinely happiest smile appears on Kokichi’s face as he still keeps it buried partially in Kaito’s chest. He was always going to remember those words. “That’s so cheesy....nishishi... but...” A shaky exhale, Kokichi moves his head back just enough to look up at Kaito. There’s a tinge of warmth to that bright and happy smile still on his face. “...It makes me happy to hear that. And I guess I...never hated you, either. ....I could never grow to hate my beloved Momo-chan, anyway...”

“...!” His eyes widen. “Your....beloved...?” No one’s ever called him their beloved before.... and hearing that Kokichi also never hated him-nor could he-makes a flustered whine leave him. “Th-The hell, man... you’ll kill me if you say shit like that so straight-forwardly. I mean, well- not that I’m complaining: I’m glad... to hear that, too. And I don’t....mind....being called that....b-but only if it’s just us around, okay! I’d never live it down if Shuichi or Harumaki heard you calling me that!!”

Snickering, Kokichi gives him a reassuring nod. “O-kaaaaay! Whatever helps my beloved feel more comfortable~!” Being called it again makes Kaito’s heart giddily beat in his chest. He’d be far too embarrassed to ever such intimate words himself, but he’s sure that Kokichi knows that he thinks of him as his beloved supreme leader, too.

Kaito now wraps both arms around Kokichi, the two indulging in each other’s warmth as they cuddle softly. Kokichi really was like a cuddly pillow in his arms, while Kaito felt like a snug blanket in his. It really was funny... having Kokichi nestled up in his arms like this, cuddling him, kissed him... all the things Kaito in the beginning would never dream of doing with Kokichi. And now here they were, after growing much closer and only fell harder and harder for each other tonight. As they feel the sleepiness start to catch up to them, Kaito was already looking forward to tomorrow morning, almost already forgetting how scared that movie had made him earlier. Rather, he thought much more about how nice it’ll be to wake up with the smaller boy all nestled in his arms like this; and in turn, Kokichi not being able to wait waking up in Kaito’s arms. “G’night, Ouma...” He softly yawns, giving him a soft squeeze in the hold. “That stupid movie that I totally handled well aside... tonight was fun.”

“Oh my god, whatever. Big dork...” He chortles, giving him a gentle squeeze in turn. “I had fun, too, Momo-chan... it’s never boring with you. Let’s play together even more tomorrow; g’nighttttt....”

“Heheh.. and thanks. I’m glad it never is. ...Yeah: let’s do that...” After gazing into each other’s eyes one last time, spilling with warmth and love for the other... eventually drift off to sleep. All of this happened tonight, because Kokichi simply egged the other on: that was going to be a choice Kokichi will always be happy that he made.

[idv-tricksterisopu]

I wanna know more about your blog. Consider me asking all of the questions in the blog category. 😉

Oh god hi-

Let me back track this-

🕰 This blog has somehow been alive for atleast 7 months or so? I remember starting it around June 2021 somewhere on my summer break.

🖋 I do have an og blog where i post some art and is mostly for my private viewing but uh to be fair Im not so use to posting anything there-

🗓 Way too many- Starting from future interractions, events, shenanigians, scenarios. The only thing i need to prepare now is my motivation and s a n i t y.

🌟 I kinda rather say it to them personally then actually reveal of many ppl to see 👉👈

💡AHAHAH IRONICALLY N O T H I N G - both @justalurker-blog n @one0p1nk knows of how I started out my blog because to be fair it began with them-

Rambles under the cut-

I left this question for last cuz I would like to tell the story-

So with me being bored and trying to find new things to procastinate on- i knew tumblr and everything but never really bothered to download or check it out until uh- out or morbid curiosity(fanfics-) that i decided to finally try.

I found pin's VALE blog cuz i d v and was interested in first. I said nothing in there til-

It went from a simple imposter situation to a full blown felony-

Oh but i didnt stop there- I enjoyed it til the point I wanna join in the fun front row seat. So I did a Trickster blog. Cuz og aesop aint gonna fit my ideals of a b s o l u t e wreakage.

Quoted from a friend "I don't kin Aesop. Aesop kins m e-"

Ironically x2 this blog was suppose to just be a troll and the reason why Isopu has glasses in the old version of my lore writing is cuz he is the type to scroll thru his phone for hours on end til atleast 3 am at night while the room is dark til the point youd get paranoia.

Yeah u can clearly tell I scrap that idea and gave him an entire lore of what I think happened in the CoA story minus the fact he died originally before I committed to this blog and had to tweek it abit.

Funfact: instead of this mfker living and has glasses with immense trauma. He dies with Tracy (Yoasobi-夜に駆け)-style into the abyss cus I ship them thank you-

I wasnt thinking to even commit to this blog and was expecting myself to sudden dissappear but here we are-

Besides that i also started kidnapping wick and pretty much caused a small uproar. Though idk if small is an understatement but-- thats up to the others ^^

So I guess you can say my inspiration was my drive to end everyones career and sanity along with the fun I had with Pins and everyone else uwu

Keep in mind I was pretty new to these commitments on askblogs and tumblr in general so i didnt know anyone then and that if I crossed any boundaries and made ppl uncomfy qwq

But I learned to get used to it uwu so thx to everyone who has been with me for awhile and dealt with my craziness XD

[schizosupport]

does it still count as a delusion if I think I'm stupid to believe that and that its obviously its not real but I still have like flight/fight/freeze to the thoughts/wrongly percieved event/things in the corner of my eye, or get really scared? Like I don't think that I'm correct in thinking the thing and I don't think it makes sense/has been proven wrong by the person and by testing it lol but also I have a reasoning behind it and still think it? Esp if some of the specific paranoias are very transient (or don't come back) and sometimes triggered by horror content (damn tma t-t) or v stress related ??? I'm trying to figure out if I'm just prodomal probably (bcus I have like a million environmental and genetic risks and Im 16) or actually having delusions now lol ¡¡p but it might be substance induced so :p this stuff has been going on since like, last june maybe and when I started smoking almost everyday since august

(2) HI IM THE PERSON TALKING ABT THE DELUSIONS AND POSSIBLY BEING SUBSTANCE INDUCED !! I think I've also had an increase in negative symptoms in that approximately 1 year time frame than before, even though I'm autistic so experience a lot of the things they list in that stuff :p but that could be because I went through a traumatic relationship or because I've been unmasking over time since I'm not in public and been trying to acknowledge my needs during quarantine :p (3)  hi sorry for using all caps yesterday :(((( I didn't mean to make anybody distressed in any way. Also is thinking as a kid that people may be controlled by larger beings like sims and whenever we die thats because they got bored with us normal weird kid beleifs or ?? Or like after watching truman show I was always thinking abt if I was like it and I still kinda act like there could possibly always be a camera on me or someones watching me but my dad talked about putting cameras around the house and one time when I was getting on my phone because he had taken it away from me a notification popped up on his computer that I was using my phone and if he wanted to look at my screen so maybe its just me being scared cus of that even tho I dont live with him anymore :p and I have no reason to believe he or anyone else actually has access to my phone but they do and its really scary :'((((

Hi anon!

No need to apologize, you’re good, and you didn’t distress me! 

I am very brain-tired there days which makes it hard for me to respond thoroughly, but I’m going to attempt anyways. 

The exact definition of delusions vs magical thinking, paranoid ideation and anxiety can be hard to figure out, and the professionals may have varying opinions as well. The main question, to me, would be - are you very distressed by these thoughts? Are they hindering your ability to live life to its fullest?

If the answer is yes, then I find it less important what they are, and rather I would urge you to look into getting some help managing these symptoms. At the end of the day, knowing the name of what’s going on with you can feel empowering, but it doesn’t actually help much if it isn’t accompanied by an increase in support, understanding and potentially treatment.

Another thing is, you said you’ve been smoking almost every day - from the context I’m guessing you’re talking about weed? 

I know that a lot of people do feel like weed can alleviate some discomfort, and I’m not the authority on drug-use by any means, but I think that a daily intake of any drug, can be a cause for alarm. - No matter if that’s alcohol, weed or “harder” drugs. Especially in people who are susceptible to psychosis (which you seem to be), weed can have a negative effect, and it can definitely increase some symptoms, or even increase the likelihood of a full-blown episode. 

I know it’s easier said than done, and you probably have your reasons for smoking as much as you do, but from a mental health perspective, it does blur the picture. And it can make it harder to get the help you need, because you risk either professional writing off your symptoms as “purely druginduced” or alternatively, they ignore the smoking, and think that you’re more psychotic than you would normally be, which could also lead to the wrong treatment.

(Say for example, you’re smoking to cope with a certain set of symptoms (eg. adhd)- then that smoking causes psychotic symptoms - they treat that with antipsychotics. Now if your original problem was adhd, you would have been better off with a prescription for that, instead of having to take two mind-altering substances as patches on patchwork solutions)

Honestly I’m not the best to ask about the border between delusion and anxiety - professionals have repeatedly told me I’ve long since crossed the border (hence why I’m diagnosed as schizophrenic) but in my own mind I’m still just “a very anxious person”...

I hope this was at least a bit helpful, my computer is lagging and so is my brain, so I’m going to wrap this up here.

Best of luck anon!

Cat

[reesiereads]

hi knife! 💕 im very sleepy so im not gonna spam asks right now but i did wanna send u one just cus so, if u want to, tell me about why u love wilbur so much :) and is it just c!wilbur or do u enjoy him as a content creator too? what’s your fave clip or moment of his? an icon tbh i love both c! and cc!wilby (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

Heslo Sallt! <33

So to put it plainly, Wilbur is my favorite content creator out of the DSMP group (and just in general atm comfort streamer go brr) while his character is my second favorite behind c!Purpled on the server.

The reason I love c!Wilbur kind of boils down to relatability? He’s a character who is plagued by self hatred and depression and suicidal urges alongside paranoia and trust issues and all kind of other shit and because those things haven’t gone addressed and instead are buried he lashes out and hurts others around him. Not to mention the sort of gifted kid burnout energy he gives with the whole “I will write letter lying to my father and making my life out to be great so he will be proud of me” thing. I just... relate, a lot, and relatability is almost always the most important thing to me when it comes to connecting to characters and choosing favorites.

Not to mention, c!Wilbur is just amazingly well written. Fanon interpretation of him is more then a little lackluster but canon wise he’s constitant and well-rounded, a completely grey character. It just shows off how skilled cc!Wilbur is at writing and creating.

Speaking of cc!Wilbur, yes comfort streamer. I’m not really sure why I like him so much other then maybe how laid back his streams are. Something I’ve found is that Wilbur and Ranboo are the easiest streamers for me to watch (hence why I watch most of their content and ignore the rest) and I think it’s because they are far calmer then most of the other content creators. Not to mention they have more variety in their content (Wilbur has a lot of chatting streams and Ranboo streams play through a of different games fairly regularly) which is something I really like because Minecraft admittedly just doesn’t hold my attention. Also I think I just share a similar sense of humor to Wilbur? I’m not sure I just really like him.

Also I think I might like Wilbur a lot because he’s very easy to look up to. He’s an extremely talented creator who started learning (at least music) later on in life and still made something great out of it. Not to mention we know he’s struggled with mental issues and we can clearly see over time how much happier he’s seem to have gotten which is just... coming from someone severely mentally ill it gives me a lot of hope in a weird sense.

Clips wise? For cc!Wilbur my favorite might be that moment in his Skyblock Randomizer where he was threatening the Sky Gods for dirt whilst rowing himself and a rabbit closet and closer to the edge of his island. Just... peak performance really (I even wrote something about it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32171017 ). I’ll be honest though there are SO many I could list. A lot of lines from his 100 Player Challenges (both that and the Skyblock Randomizer series are big comfort videos) are really great along with almost all his bits in Tommy’s MOD videos.

As for c!Wilbur? One of the first DSMP streams I watched was Wilbur’s revival. I had missed the stream itself (didn’t have Twitch at the time) but I saw Tumblr blow up with fan art and I thought all of it looked so fucking cool, and Derivakat’s little Revived clip popped up and I listened to it on loop, and basically I was just really really fucking hyped. Then I watched the Vod and saw the Sunrise scene for the first time and it hasn’t left my head since.

Just... that scene is so fucking powerful but not for the reasons most of the fandom have made it out for. It’s a scene detailing a man who died to (assisted) suicide and is still severly mentally ill who spent (to him) thirteen years in fucking hell coming back to life and being so fucking happy to be alive. He claims the sun as his own because it’s the first one he’s seen in thirteen years. He’s laughing, he’s fucking giddy to be alive again. Seeing a suicidal character do that? It’s... it means a lot to me is all. I don’t think I’ll be able to get that clip of him saying “Tommy, Tommy I’m alive!” Out of my head for a really long time.

Anyways, I am a Wilburian and I love him <3

/parasocial