#curly still tried to defend jimmy

[beargonefishing]

having a lot of thoughts about mouthwashing actually specifically curly

there might be a whole other post in tags oops

[go-fornicate-yourself]

Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser

(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)

Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.

And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.

The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.

Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.

He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.

He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.

And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.

He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.

Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.

It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.

There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.

So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.

But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.

Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly

They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.

Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.

But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.

So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.

I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.

[verdantwyrm]

Man, I have got to learn to stop going into the comment sections of mouthwashing playthroughs because of the same old tired takes getting circulated there. Like one comment I saw said Curly was acting all "buddy buddy" with Jimmy after he figured out what happened to Anya, and it's like huh, I guess you missed the subtlety of the score playing while Curly is trying to find Jimmy. That being that Curly is low-key panicking about the situation and so the things he's saying to Jimmy could be coming from a fawn response rather than him just trying to comfort Jimmy.

It's why I don't bother either, I already see enough bad takes just on here. I avoid mouthwashing tiktok like the plague.

Even if you want to read Curly as being "buddy buddy" with Jimmy it is very very very obvious that something is up. Ignoring the music, the dialogue alone is extremely unnatural. We've seen Curly be confident, with Anya it's confident and comfortable. With Swansea its stern as is his role as Captain but forgiving, with Daisuke its firm but again, forgiving. It's very evident that Curly has the confidence for his role and the ability to hold that in situations of stress while still being lax and carefree because he trusts his crew, he holds no personal interest or respect for Pony Express so theres no reason for him to be cruel or unfair; and despite that, he's still the Captain and he most certainly can express that when he so desires.

But not with Jimmy. When he's with Jimmy he's frightful, unsure of himself, scared to defend himself or even speak up because he would much rather be the one taking the hits than not at all because it also meant Jimmy had a target to vent his frustrations or anger out on. Much rather it be him than someone else, thays why he tries so hard to be the one in between, either as a mediator or so he could step in whenever necessary. He was willing to do as much as possible to fawn, please and be in the way, both mentally and physically, so if the worst to happen it would only happen to him.

He's panicking because he's never seen Jimmy so worked up so he defaults to the same three points as if he's reading from a script because he genuinely doesn't know how to approach the situation in a way that benefits them both in some way.

Jimmy gets to let his frustrations out and Curly gets a calm Jimmy, someone thats more agreeable, calmer and possibly even less dangerous. Someone that you can approach with other topics with much less risk, which could have been the original plan; to let Jimmy get his frustrations out, calm him down enough to sit and talk more about their options regarding the situation. All we know for certain is that he wanted so badly to be there with Anya when she told Jimmy.

[x-jackalnope-x]

Responsibility

Chapter Two of No More Running, A Mouthwashing retelling.

Synopsis: After consulting Anya, Tulpar’s medic, Curly makes a decision that might alter the life he finds unfulfilling. Abandoning the job and turning the Tulpar Freighter’s destination back to Earth. In a desperate attempt to right his wrongs, the Captain is caught in the act. Curly must protect his crew at all costs against the monster on board, Jimmy.

Author's Note: Thank you all for taking time to read chapter one! It really is the push I needed to post more! I hope you enjoy my positive retelling!

Warnings: SA, mentions of SA, pregnancy by SA, MDNI, heavy topics covered.

Chapter Masterlist:

No More Running

Curly had hitched his breath when he heard the voice fill the voided space around him. His golden hair obstructed his view as he turned his head, ready to defend the controls. His eyes held a dark fury to the intruder. Swansea read that deranged look, he knew this well.

“You *never* work more than you are supposed to… Don’t you think stomping off like that is a cry for help?” 

Swansea might not have captain experience under his belt, but his life experience spoke in moments like this. Curly brows furrowed, daring Swansea to step into the pit- which he had. The automatic door hissing itself shut.

“Making more plans *without* telling us, Captain?” his eyes, tired with that life experience, read the screens. Curly exhaled deeply,”Swansea, I can explain.”

“Oh? I bet you can. What Pony Express can’t even afford us to finish the job? Send you some secret message telling you to turn home?” He was understandably still upset about the party. The thoughtful and kind gesture Curly’s crew had prepared… The moment their captain thought appropriate to tell them they’d all be losing their jobs.

Even if it was issued by protocol to host one collective birthday party… This year had been him. 

“Swans-” Curly had tried to start.

“What do you think this tells the boy?” Swansea had defied, his hand gesturing to the screen, a countdown leading down to the arrival of home- to safety. The comment confused Curly, dumbfounded before Swansea explained.

“Daisuke! Life gets hard, so you turn on home! You leave a job unfinished? You work so damn hard in your life just to be tossed–”

“Swans!” Curly had finally interrupted him. Standing slowly from the piloting seat. A finger to his lips,”We have a threat on the ship…” his voice carried softly, his tone just slightly above a whisper. These words caused their mechanic to look Curly. Wary of the next words,”The foam’ll-”

“This isn’t a foam problem, Swans… We have a live wire among the crew”, the captain ran a hand along the temples of his forehead. Speaking about it with someone else, someone new- it made Curly sound crazy. After the strong release of the air he held in, Curly’s hands rested on hips, shrugging out the energy.

“It’s been sparking for too long… Already caused some damage… Ones I think I’ve been seeing but-”

“So now you choose to be a fucking man, huh?” Swansea drilled him,”You brought that useless cargo on this ship- and I am not talking about what we were carrying for Pony Express. I’m talking about the baggage YOU brought and carried with you.” His girthy index out as he stepped closer, closing the space between himself and his ‘captain’.

“We have a fucking kid on this ship-”

“We have a woman too, Swansea! I am well aware of what-” Curly held up his hand then the other joined. Swansea saw this was an attempt to wave a white flag. The elder saw this, scoffing, shaking his head at someone he would still consider a ‘young buck’. Curly still had a lot to learn…

“Why now? Are you just now seeing what kind of man your ‘friend’ is, Captain? You think this will fix whatever he already broke?”

Curly locked with Swansea’s peering gaze, they gray had dulled. 

“I don’t think I can ever fix what I have allowed for so long, Swansea.” 

The older man took Curly in, those dull hues had rivaled looks he had seen in men before. 

A face of revelation, Swansea had been through this. After seeing the bottom of too many bottles, there were things people did when they lost control. How they sobered up and atoned for them is what defines them from the Jimmy’s of the world. Swansea had probably been a ‘Jimmy’ before he hit his own enlightenment.

“You aren’t talking to me as a captain right now, are you, Curly?”

That intense eyelock softened, finally some understanding between them.  

“No, I’m not… I guess I am not,Swansea.” Curly chuffed, shaking his head and looked to the metal locker. Where the code reader and the…

His sight looked down the barrel of the gun. 

“Is the kid going to be alright?” Swansea broke his reverie, thinking back to the dream. In the back of his mind, he felt the panic of that gun pointed at him. Beckoning him to get rid of it, out of reach.

“I asked if-”

“What? Yeah, Swansea… Do you still have that axe I lent you? From when Daisuke got stuck?” Curly interrupted, going to the locker and grabbing the kit and the code reader.

“Do you think we’ll need all that…”

“Answer my question, Swansea.” Curly had to be proactive, it was the lack of awareness that had landed them all in this mess. Stopping to do intake, scanning the locker for the nylon rope. One Jimmy had crudely bet his credits on the chance of it ‘not being used’.

God, how many signs were there to Jimmy that he missed? How long had he been using Curly’s ignorance and wishful thinking against him? Had he used that thinking to trap Anya in such a powerless position? That pooling guilt now wanted him to vomit at the idea. The idea that Jimmy had used their friendship against people Curly had to protect.

“Don’t lose it now, Captain… How about you tell me this plan you have? If you are thinkin’ that freak would use a gun… shouldn’t we send a distress call?”

Curly had said aid might be needed, but now with another opinion. Swansea was right, it caused the younger man to chuckle and shake his head.

“Maybe I should’ve started listening to you sooner, Swans…” he admitted, grabbing the supplies from the locker and placing it on Jimmy's usual seat. 

“I need you to be ready with that axe, I don’t know that I can trust Jimmy won’t do anything stupid when confronted…”

“You planning to confront him? Are you really thinking that’s a good idea? What about Daisuke and Anya? I don’t move as fast with an axe… still got years on me-”

“I’m asking you to defend the cockpit, Swansea. I’m hiding the gun… you never know. Any other threats you know on this freighter?” Curly was sitting now, tapping the keys away to earth. 

‘Treason on board, need immediate rescue. Tulpar Freighter, SOS.’

He sent it, he prayed it was delivered. They were already wasting so much time in the cockpit. Jimmy could be around the corner- the way he thought of him was more like the boogeyman. 

“Get that axe, you keep an eye on this room.”

“I want you to promise me something, Captain Curly.” Swansea had interrupted, causing Curly to pause as he recollected the discarded items on the vacant station next to him. The throne of a pest.

“Nothing happens to the kid, Daisuke. You need to promise me that. He has so much left to live.”

“Swansea, we all have so much left to live. We’re going to figure this out together… If this goes well.. I pray we’ll have Jimmy freeze dried before anything like that happens..” The two men took in each other then. Curly straightened up with the instruments they’d need to pull this off. He slid the loop of the rope over his arm and rested it on his shoulder. 

“You’re co-captain now, and if Jimmy comes knocking, that’s what you tell him, understand?… I need his attention. Redirect him to me…”

“I’ve been seeing the way he looks at you, Curly. I must admit, I look at you the same way sometimes. Pathetic man, aimless ambitions, that kinda thinkin’ gets people hurt- and has.” Swansea watched the color of Curly’s face. Facing the reality of the crew had painted long before his revelation. 

“I think everyone wants to escape themselves” Swansea continued,”You aren’t a bad man for wanting to escape. Everyone does, vices just change depending on who you are.”

Closing the gap between them, the large hand took Curly’s shoulder giving it a proud and firm grip.

“It’s time like this that defines us as who we are when we stop running. It's your turn now, like it was mine when I stopped drinking, I reckon Daisuke will have to learn that running might put you ahead… but don’t make the destination any closer, does it?”

“Does it ever get closer?” it sounded like a plea, leaving Curly’s lips. 

“I think you’re starting to see the finish line…” Swansea replied, retreating his hand off the captain’s shoulder. 

“Now, I got orders, Don’t think we have much time now before the freak wakes up…”

“No, we don’t. I need to get to Anya..” Curly turned to the controls. Engaging a captain’s lock to prevent intervention from anyone other than the captain. 

People have to be worth their titles.

Now, Jimmy was stripped of his. 

There was a dangerous criminal on board the Tulpar freighter cargo ship. 

The two men shared a glance. Standing near the door,”Axe. This door. After I speak to Anya- I’ll check on…him.”

“What are you going to do to him, Curly?” Swansea asked before Curly could activate the door to leave. The blonde had turned to his elder, flashing a smile,”Making him take responsibility, Swansea.”

Quickly, he lifted the code reader to the open locker, seeing the number illuminate within the confined space. Looking to Swansea one last time, a knowing nod happened between the men by sharing the numbers with him. Taking a moment to memorize the code, before dropping his arm to his side once more.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Curly checked the door. Seeing no one in sight just yet, he looked back to Swansea sharing a nod to him.

They were all treading in unfamiliar water now.

There were no titles, or what made someone worthy to have them…

In the oceanic void of space, everyone is prey.

That’s how Jimmy saw it.

[micksmansion]

cant stop thinking about mouthwashing and bojack horseman parallels but especially jimmy as bojack, curly as mr peanutbutter, and anya as diane....

i think i dont need to explain why jimmy would be bojack, but as far as i remember bojack was SOOO pissy about mr pb being more successful and generally ((seemingly)) happier than him, with mr pb eventually never really. dropping??? bojack even after the shitty things he did, especially in that one scene where mr pb 'defends' bojack, while accidentally ratting him out about what REALLY happened with sarah lynn (if you haven't watched the show, bojack got high on heroine with sarah lynn and she ended up overdosing, bojack lied and said he found her already dead, and mr pb basically tells the journalist how bojack gave her the heroine, all while thinking he was defending him), which it's obviously NOT what happened EXACTLY with curly, although I find it a good parallel nonetheless.

As in Anya as Diane, it's mostly because of her relationship with Mr Peanutbutter; at first, it looks perfect, like nothing could go wrong, but with time, it just didn't work out. Even if they both tried to make it work, even if mr pb really tried to understand and help her, even if he meant well while generally tried to be a people pleaser as always, he was still partially unaware of her feelings overall, which led to them divorcing and going separate ways.

does this even make sense???? idk i just had to write it down

[sushi-rat]

I think some others have talked about this too, but I'm gonna put my thoughts out there as well

I genuinely do not believe Curly did anything wrong. He was not perpetuating rape culture by 'choosing Jimmy over Anya', but rather a victim of the horrible capitalist organization of Pony Express and Jimmy himself.

What does Pony Express being a horrid organization to work in have anything to do with Curly's choice to soothe Jimmy? Well, as Jimmy points out in his conversation with Curly right before the crash, nothing can go wrong on this shipment. We already know pay will be docked should anything go wrong as is shown in the beginning by Jimmy moving towards the asteroid. Anything bad being recorded or reported results in the entire crew getting their pay docked, and some of the crew is already in financial straits. Anya doesn't even have any savings, this pay is all she would have. If Curly reports to Pony Express that Jimmy raped Anya and she's now pregnant, they won't punish Jimmy but instead punish everyone by not paying them.

On top of that, Jimmy would still be on the ship and doing things. They are in the middle of transit. No one is going to come for them to arrest Jimmy or get him off the ship. They are going to continue being stuck with him until transit is over. This is evident by the ship having not been searched for in the months after the crash and having lost communication with everyone. Pony Express does not care, and this was prolly made known somehow to the crew before the events of the game.

How about don't report it and just kill Jimmy? When the transit ends and a crew member is found dead, their pay gets taken and the perpetrator would be locked up. If Anya was given the gun and she injured or killed Jimmy, she would not recieve proper payment from Pony Express and would have to rely on a good appointed attorney to defend her, just crossing her fingers that she doesn't end up in prison because self defense ruling is not as easy to get as people seem to think. If Curly, Swansea, or Daisuke kills him, they would end up in prison and Anya would have no money. If they somehow hid that Jimmy was murdered, make it look like suicide or an accident, that is considered 'something going wrong', pay gets docked. No matter what, Anya gets fucked over by the end of the transit if it's reported or not.

Why should pay matter so much? Because if something like Pony Express exists, then the system of general society is not a utopia that values its people. If Anya has her head in her hands over not having any savings, and Jimmy is bitching about everyone getting fucked over by losing this job, then clearly pay is important to live. What happens on this ship is not all there is. They have lives outside of this that they are navigating, just as we do in real life. I believe Curly was trying to protect Anya by thinking about the repercussions outside of the ship.

I also stated that Curly is a victim of Jimmy too. We see multiple times that Jimmy loves to manipulate Curly by twisting the blame onto him:

Using Jimmy and Curly's personal conversation in the cockpit at the birthday party, and claiming Curly gets to wipe his boots clean of the crew, that he got what he wanted without the guilt. When Curly tries to talk and correct Jimmy, Jimmy continually cuts him off and even gets a little aggressive by slamming his hand on the table. Curly decides it is better to just shut up

Blaming Curly for Jimmy raping Anya. Saying that Curly is the model captain that was supposed to make sure nothing went wrong, and Jimmy getting Anya pregnant through rape must then be his fault if anyone finds out

Blaming Curly for the crash is the most obvious. Everyone on that ship that died, except for Jimmy, died thinking that Curly tried to kill them all. Maybe at some point they started getting some thoughts that it was somehow Jimmy's fault, but they never got that confirmation

Jimmy even blames Curly for him now having all the responsibilities of Captain when it was Jimmy who crashed the ship with the intent of burying everything that happened with death. Curly did not ask to end up so injured and close to death

Jimmy is very effective at getting Curly to do what he wants, which is often to push him down and make him seem like the bad guy.

It also seems Curly is scared of Jimmy at some points, such as Curly shutting up and not correcting Jimmy at the birthday. Or even when Anya reveals she talked to Jimmy and told him about the pregnancy. He tells her she should've waited for him to be there and asks if Jimmy got angry. Curly seems to have inclination that Jimmy is prone to violence or outbursts, and having known Jimmy for a long while, Curly wanted to make sure Anya wouldn't get hurt when talking to Jimmy. Curly having this knowledge of Jimmy also implies that he has been the target of Jimmy's wrath before, which would explain constantly trying to appease Jimmy. I think this is absolutley confirmed when Jimmy seems to hurt Curly when giving him his meds that second time, the anger Jimmy displays at wanting Curly to shut up. Curly is trying to keep everyone safe from a man he knows is dangerous.

It's also been pointed out before that the music playing while Curly is searching for Jimmy after Anya telling him about the pregnancy sounds panicked. If it is from Curly's perspective, this can be reminiscent of Curly panicking over what Jimmy is going to do. It is further confirmation that Curly is scared of Jimmy.

If Curly knows Jimmy is dangerous, then why is he friends with him and working with him? If you are asking that question, I am genuinely asking you to try and learn/understand what it is like being a victim of abuse, how hard it is to turn and walk away, how hard it is to imagine your life without that person even if all they do is hurt you, how if you somehow walk away you end up missing them and maybe even come crawling back to them. I firmly believe Curly has been mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by Jimmy before, not just what happens in the game. I have even seen some small discussions of Curly having been sexually abused too, and I could see it in ways, but regardless of whether that is true, Curly has absolutely been abused other ways.

Curly is not a bad person at all, and is not a representation of rape culture amongst bros. Rather, he is a victim of circumstance where he has very little options. He, being the Captain and trying to protect Anya, is evaluating the situation from multiple angles. He came to the seemingly best solution available to him: appease Jimmy so he (hopefully) won't hurt anyone, in the process being able to keep Anya away from him to stop further sexual abuse from happening, and trying to 'sweep everything under the rug' so everyone gets paid properly and Pony Express never has to know. It's a shitty situation, but Curly is not a shitty person at all.

[yahiis-resort]

I like to think that Jimmy and Curly had been friends since like. elementary school. They were the best of friends and practically glued together when they were younger. Jimmy came from a horrible background and was always getting himself in trouble. Curly was the model student that everyone knew was "going big places." No one understood why Curly even wasted his time with Jimmy. He wanted to help him though. and in helping, Curly felt they had an inseparable bond. Maybe they did when they were kids, but things definitely changed as they got older. It was little things here and there that Curly noticed. Unwarranted angry outbursts. Little passive aggressive jabs. Seeming like he belittled others he deemed below him. But these were things he could help him out with, right? If he just apologized and talked to Jimmy later, he could sort it out. He could fix it. He didn't act like that with him, after all. But things got worse. HE got worse. Curly didn't even see it. He was too busy looking at the bigger picture to notice just how awful Jimmy was to him and everyone around him. Jimmy wasn't purely bad and was truly trying, right? We all make mistakes.

More things changed. It seemed like whenever Curly tried to explain anything to him he interpreted it maliciously. He was always mad about how people idolized Curly as the perfect person. He was mad about how successful Curly was despite him using his success to help him get a job at the Pony Express. Jimmy had fucked things up so bad in his life, yet Curly still lent a hand and tried to help him as much as he could. Curly had to cover for his actions more and more. He was his friend after all. That's what friends do. Maybe it dawned on him at some point that he was always the one covering for Jimmy and not the other way around. Maybe he realized that Jimmy was the only one benefitting from anything they did together. Any chance Jimmy saw he could throw Curly under the bus he would, but Captain Curly would take it in stride if it would help his friend. Jimmy's jealousy and intentions were barely hidden at this point but Curly was still blind to it. The "bigger picture" was still fine. Then he finds out that he raped Anya and has no idea what to do. He just defaults to trying to help Anya AND Jimmy figure this out instead of doing what he needed to do. He could help them both. He could have his cake and eat it too. He could fix this. And instead of facing the reality that his "friend" was an irredeemable monster that abused him just as much as everyone else around him, He wrapped himself in denial. He let an abuser keep power over their victim and made her feel unsafe. He failed his crew. He could "fix" this. He could fix him. Everything would be okay if Curly could just get through to him, set him on the right track, he'd eventually get there. But he can't. He never would, and he and the rest of the Tulpar crew suffered the consequences of him refusing to not "rock the boat." They all suffered because Curly defended Jimmy's actions with his own inaction.

[withacapitalp]

Quiet

For the STWG Daily Prompt today! This one is a little roundabout, but I just wanted to write some of the boys being goofy little besties!!!

-----

“Class, this is Dustin Henderson. He just moved here all the way from Arizona, isn’t that interesting?” Mrs. Wren said, gently nudging the boy further to the front of the room and giving him a soft smile, “Dustin, why don’t you tell us about yourself a little?” 

Dustin looked like he would rather eat raw goat brains, and Mike couldn’t blame him. If Dustin was a kid who looked like Jimmy or Troy, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but Dustin was a chubby short kid with a shock of wild curly hair and two missing front teeth. His shirt was black with a picture of a microscope with the words ‘Enjoy the little things’ underneath it, and he was wearing a wide brim hat with Einstein's theory of relativity stamped on it. 

The new kid was a total nerd, and Mike’s heart went out to him. 

“I moved here from Flagstaff. Um that’s a city in Arizona-” Dustin started to mumble, his eyes firmly on his shoes. 

“Wow. We thought it was in Canada,” Troy interrupted with a mean little laugh. 

A twitter went around the class, which was completely stupid in Mike’s opinion. It wasn’t even a funny joke, just something mean to say, and it made Dustin cringed back like he had been physically hit, his shoulder curling inward as he reached up to tug at the brim of his cap. 

“Shut up, Troy,” Mike said without really thinking. He kind of wished he could take it back when Troy’s entire desk clump turned to him with murder in their eyes, but the tiny grateful look Dustin shot up at him made it worth it. Sort of. 

“Boys,” Mrs. Wren droned, calling them both out even though Mike hadn’t done anything but defend Dustin when she should have. She sighed and shook her head, turning back to their newest student, keeping him on the pyre when she could have just let him go free. 

“What was your favorite part of Flagstaff, Dustin?”

“I really liked going hiking with my dad,” Dustin answered, slightly perking up, “There’s this mountain called Humphrey’s Peak by us, it’s the biggest mountain in Arizona and it’s the start of the San Francisco peaks! There’s these lizards there called Gila Monsters, they’re the only venomous lizards in North America, and-” 

Mike was leaning forward, drawn in by curiosity about the strange creatures, but oddly enough Dustin cut himself off with a sudden jolt, going back to his curled up turtle position from before. Their teacher waited for a second more before sighing again and adjusting the papers on her desk. 

“Well, we don’t have much in the way of lizards here in Hawkins, but hopefully your classmates will help you to explore some of the local wildlife. We’re going to have some silent reading time now students, so take out your books. Dustin do you need me to help you pick one?” She asked, finally cutting him loose. 

“No I’m okay,” Dustin said as he scurried to his seat, immediately opening his backpack and digging in it, conveniently not looking up at any of the boys near him. He pulled out a huge book, burying his face in it effectively cutting off any attempt to catch his eye. 

Maybe he just needed another push. Mike was still pretty curious about those monsters. 

“I’m Mike,” He offered. 

“My name is Lucas,” Lucas added, catching what Mike was thinking immediately and following through like always. 

“I’m Will, it’s nice to meet you,” Will rounded off, holding out his hand for Dustin to shake. 

“Hi,” Dustin said shortly, still nestled tightly into his book. 

Mike’s brow furrowed, and he looked away from Dustin to his friends, seeing if they had a plan. Lucas shrugged, and Will turned his face down to where he was secretly doodling under the book their teacher had assigned him. They were both just giving in that easily, which was just not acceptable. 

Not when the prospect of information on a giant lizard was at their fingertips. 

“What are you reading?” Mike tried again, still not willing to admit defeat. 

“Oh this is Blackmoor. It’s a rule book,” Dustin explained, holding the book so they could see the front cover picture of a huge castle on a tall rock and a smaller picture of a wizard. Will was instantly intrigued by the wizard, leaning into Dustin’s space to point at the title above the castle. 

“What’s Dungeons and Dragons?”

It was like a switch flipped. Dustin’s eyes lit up and he put the book flat on the desk so they could see inside, giving them all an eager little grin as he scooted his chair closer to the desks. 

“It’s this super cool thing where you make up characters and adventures and use dice to decide what happens. My character is a bard who has a flute that can put people to sleep and this badass dagger!” Dustin exclaimed, pulling out a notebook so they could see a rudimentary drawing of a man holding a knife and a flute. Mike was sure Will could’ve done a much better version, but it was still pretty awesome. But Dustin wasn’t done, pulling out a tiny figurine and putting it in the middle of their desks. 

“The game has got all these monsters like a mimic that pretends to be a treasure chest and this one is called the demogorgon-”

And then it was just over. Dustin jolted back, snatching his hand back like it had been caught in a cookie jar and pulling his hat practically over his eyes.  

“I mean, it’s just a game,” Dustin murmured, playing with his fingers and tucking his chin to his chest. 

Damn! Again! Now Mike was getting pissed. 

“Why do you keep doing that?” Mike asked, frustrated that twice he had missed out on something fun. 

“What?” Dustin replied, looking confused. 

“Start talking about something cool and then cut yourself off right in the middle,” Lucas explained, already aware of what was annoying Mike. That was why they were best friends- Lucas just always seemed to know what was bugging him, “It’s weird.” 

Weird was apparently the wrong word to use. All of the joy in the air instantly vanished, and Dustin’s shoulders were at his ears. Mike shot Lucas a tiny glare, the two of them having a silent argument as Dustin gathered up the courage to explain. 

“Oh, um…My dad told me that I should try to be quieter if I wanted to make friends,” Dustin whispered, his cheeks beet red as he stammered out the words, “He um- he said it’s uh rude, you know? To not to let other people talk once in a while?” 

Ouch. 

Mike’s chest instantly seized up, and he looked down at his own desk, his copy of Tuck Everlasting staring back up at him. A quick sneak peek up at Lucas and Will revealed that they were doing the same, Will’s lip caught firmly between his teeth and Lucas’s mouth in a thin straight line. 

It wasn’t exactly the same, but all three of them knew what it was like to be told to be quiet. They knew how hard it could be to have everything you love ridiculed or talked down to. Usually it was Troy or Jimmy or some of the other boys in their class doing it though, not their own parents.  

“Tell us about the demogorgon,” Mike declared, speaking for all three. Judging by the looks he was being given not only by Lucas and Will, but also by Dustin, he had said the exact right thing. 

[twobellsilence]

I know people have talked extensively about how Jimmy sees Anya versus how he sees her baby, and this has lead many to theorize that the subject of the last Polle scene is Anya. But I don't think this is the case. Hear me out.

Most of us probably agree it's pretty clear that, in general, Polle is a representation of Jimmy's thoughts on Anya's child. It makes baby noises, it divides and fuses like a zygote, the ultrasound scene is pretty self-explanatory, and it chases Jimmy every single time it appears. Basically, Jimmy sees the baby and the reckoning it represents as this looming, insidious, malevolent presence that follows him at every turn, and it is undeniably INHUMAN. That is not a human child. That is a monstrosity that multiplies and takes over his life until he's cornered and unable to escape it no matter what he does, even when he dooms the crew and causes everyone but Curly and himself to die in a futile attempt to leave it behind. An omnipotent entity following his every move.

It eventually catches up to him. Polle wins, and it looks down on him from this massive mountain of mouthwash bottles, even when Jimmy says it's supposed to be dead. But it doesn't matter that Polle, the Tulpar, the crew, is dead, because EVERYTHING Jimmy wanted and worked for is. Polle has complete power over him here. It even cuts him off when he tries to defend himself with the "our worst moments" quote. It's acting as a bit of a conscience here, but not in support, but as a judge of his actions, just like it had always judged him, stared at him, as he tried to escape in previous unreality sequences. And that's what he always saw the baby as, no? The ultimate consequences of his actions. The ones he ultimately failed to avoid even when the baby was already dead because that was not the only reprehensible thing he did.

I think interpreting this, Polle's last appearance, as a representation of Anya, is giving her too much power over him. It implies that Jimmy feels guilty about her, or at the very least that he thinks about what he did to her, that it gnaws at him. It's implying that She has been the demons chasing him all along, but that's not the case, is it? Earlier I said Jimmy saw the baby as something inhuman. Inhuman, but still something real and with a very tangible presence and consequences that directly contributed to his downwards spiral. Anya, however? Anya is nothing. She never was. She can do nothing to him. Only the baby can, because if the baby exists, it's proof, else it's only a timid woman saying words, and her reasons to speak up could be easily spun against her given her situation. Polle, on the other hand, could do things to Jimmy. It tortured him and chased him relentlessly and tormented him until he lost whatever grip he had left on reality. Hell, it even called him Old Man. Yes, there were other things like his jealousy and disdain towards Curly and his desire to acquire the power he felt like he deserved that drove him to do what he did, but it was the pregnancy that ultimately pushed Jimmy over the edge. Not what he did to Anya - never Anya, she was never even a factor - but the unavoidable result of it.

[micro-meltdown]

Daisuke!!! Yippee!!!

Nothing bad ever happened to that boy TRUST

I have. A lot of thoughts about him.

I really dig the father-son dynamic between Swansea and Dai. That's a given. I also like to think him and Anya act like "siblings," which is cute and endearing. The relationship with Curly seems positive to me too, a healthy authority... But that's not what I want to talk about.

My thoughts always circle back to Jimmy.

In the wiki, it says that they're relationship is very negative, and even tho I do agree in some way, I don't believe it's entirely true.

The obvious: Jimmy looks down and manipulates him. It's blatantly obvious in the way he talks Dai into going into the vent. The way Jimmy gaslights him about drugging Swansea. He makes it clear that he thinks Daisuke is a rich, spoiled kid who had no business being in the ship. Useless.

But I think there's something... else.

Daisuke tries to be friendly and upbeat with everyone, and that's just how his personality is. But I have the feeling, from the way the game presents, he trusted Jimmy.

He didn't sleep next to Swansea, nor Anya. He felt comfortable and safe enough to sleep right next to Jimmy.

When Anya locked herself in, he didn't run to Swansea. He came running to Jimmy.

As horrible as that man is, you can't convince me he didn't feel some type of positive way for Dai. I think he felt the slightest hint of fondness the longer they survived. He didn't give a single shit about Anyas death because Curly was still alive. But he Freaked Out over Daisukes death.

We can't see his expression, but the way I read it he was Mortified. The burden of Dais death made him snap, pushing him further down the spiral. The first thing Jimmy did is grab the gun to kill Swansea for what he did. Some may say that Jimmy did it out of a selfish need for survival, but a part of me feels he was fueled with revenge.

I think there's Some significance that he sat Daisukes corpse closest to him. Swansea and Anya furthest.

"Daisuke would have hated him if he knew"

I see the point, but I dont agree. Daisuke would have been disgusted, horrified. He would have never condoned Jimmy's action. He would have clowned on him, defended Anya and Curly.

But Daisuke is a good kid who sees the good in everyone. He's not innocent nor pure, but he has naive faith. You can't tell me if Jimmy actually did work to change, and had something to show for it, Daisuke wouldn't have believed in him.

Maybe he would have hated him, but more likely, Daisuke would have had forgiveness in his heart.

And I think that makes everything so much more tragic. I think it would destroy Jimmy more than being hated. He can deal with hatred. It makes it easier to cope and accept.

Anyway I'm working on an afterlife au where I explore all those things yippee

Those are all my opinions and personal headcanons, yall can disagree but I won't accept criticism <3

[nottakingresponsibility]

Boo!

:] Hey. James.

Wanna see a fun party trick I learned? :] Don't answer that, I'm gonna do it anyway.

*Jimmy's mind flashes with visions of that skinless Curly from his nightmares. Choking, screaming, crying, helpless. Take responsibility. Warning signs flashing. A burning sensation that starts on Jimmy's tongue and travels down his esophagus. An axe. An all-encompassing feeling of claustrophobia and the piercing, desperate anxiety of not being able to escape. Sawing. Human flesh. Still warm. Take responsibility. Millions of eyes. That damned mascot, but deformed into something barely recognizable. Fix it. Take responsibility.*

Pretty neat, huh? :]

- Doubt

He nearly jumped at hearing that irritating voice in the back of his head. By the time he went to answer, it was too late. He backed up against one of the walls of the cockpit, it suddenly felt so suffocating. Like he was being cornered, nothing was there. Nothing.

He coughed, instinctively. His throat hurt. He couldn't even muster up the ability to speak, each time he tried he felt like vomiting. His body felt uncomfortable, it hurt. This wasn't right, this wasn't right. Just another bit of meat, of flesh. Not important. Not important. That wasn't anyone he knew. It wasn't. Not anymore, it wasn't. He tried to shut his eyes, tried to back away anymore, he was still just stuck backed against the wall, of course he couldn't move past it. He felt so small and vulnerable all the sudden. This wasn't right. That wasn't the mascot anymore. That wasn't the stupid fucking horse he was used to. Axe. Why the axe? Why was there an axe? Why was there a fucking axe?? The noise. There was noise? There was noise. The sirens. They got louder, emergency, everywhere. Danger? Danger. Was he in danger?? It hurt his ears. His actual name being called. The least of his problems, it was hard to focus on the words properly. He couldn't think. He couldn't think. He didn't want to think. Each time he tried to do anything, each time he felt like he could muster up that courage, he started coughing. If he wasn't shaking before, he certainly was now. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you fucking wanted? Why do you always insist on tormenting me? What the fuck is this?! He couldn't speak, as much as he tried. As much as he tried to fight back. To defend himself. He wasn't unfamiliar to phantom sensations, but this was particularly upsetting. He had nothing to fix, had nothing to take responsibility for. He didn't do this. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't his fault. He didn't fucking mean to. It wasn't his fault.

[chronicallyrabid]

I can’t contain it need to gush about Daisuke’s character and Jimmy’s manipulation of him. Spoilers below!

Daisuke clearly knows he’s seen as a burden, that’s why he chooses to be positive because complaining isn’t an option for him. He’s still so young and should have had so much longer to figure himself out.

No one knows who they want to be at that age, you’ve just been granted the right to autonomy and now you have to figure out what to do with that free choice. You see how easy is to give in to pressure and stress and Daisuke was still to young to see he wasn’t absolved from cracking under pressure.

He just wanted to make someone, anyone, proud. He searched for that in this internship because he couldn’t get it at home, maybe he thought if he just got a job he could find himself. But he was only chasing approval it had nothing to do with what *he* actually wanted to be, he just wanted to feel needed.

And damn it Jimmy saw straight through him. Read him like a book and never planned on going in that vent. He always planned on sacrificing Daisuke just for a shot at getting control over Anya again. He wanted her dead by his hands the fact she didn’t die because of his hands he feels he had no contribution to her death, he didn’t give a fuck if she killed Curly he wanted to kill her himself and her final choice was to be the one controlling her own life for once.

Jimmy didn’t isn’t stupid he’s delusional, he pry knew she was planning something and since he didn’t know he needed to get back in control. Daisuke was so worried when they drugged Swansea, you could tell he regretted it immediately. But Jimmy just used the fact Daisuke is younger and looks to older people for guidance to lie and act like everything is fine. He then tried to turn Daisuke against Swansea when he found the cryopods. Daisuke wanted to hold out hope and clearly getting distressed by Jimmy turning him on someone he pry sees as a father figure.

All that just to turn around and use Swanseas approval to manipulate him into going into the vent. Jimmy knew everything Daisuke wanted to hear and promised he’d hear it if he was ‘brave’ and saved Curly and Anya. Poor guy pry pushed all the way through to the end thinking he had to save them and if hr can just make it a little farther he might make it. Only to see Anya’s dead/dying body and being to injured himself to do anything to help her. One of his final memories was pry how he failed again and how he didn’t save her. I think that’s why he was apologizing so much, he was sorry because he thinks he’s going to die a failure.

And FUCK Jimmy for getting mad at Swansea for ending his pain. They were out of disinfectant, the mouth wash can’t disinfect wounds which Anya pointed out when they first found it saying “the sugar cancels out any disinfectant properties” so all Jimmy did by pouring mouthwash on him was make things work and worsen the wounds more. If Swansea hadn’t mercy killed him Daisuke would have died a horrible long and agonizing death from infection.I will defend Swansea till my very last breath. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[verdantwyrm]

First of all, incredible analysis of Anya! I'm hanging it up in my imaginary museum and shining spotlights on it like that one this is where I'd put my trophy if I had one meme.

Second of all, I don't know if anyone's actually talked about this, but I always find it so strange when people say Anya wishes harm on Curly/Jimmy when she's so determined to go to medical school. In conjunction with the line, "I have to believe our worst moments don't make us monsters," she's more likely than not the type of person who wants to go to medical school to be able to help people rather than the type of person who's going to medical school to get rich. She wouldn't wish harm or death on either of them, and it makes me a bit sad to see people writing/portraying her like that when she would've been the type of doctor who believes every life has intrinsic value and is worth saving no matter what.

Follow-up question/side thought: what type of doctor do you think Anya would've been? She canonically reads psychology books, but imo, that doesn't really say much other than she would've been a well-rounded, popular doctor.

Sorry if my rambling didn't make sense; I'm a bit sleepy rn but wanted to hear your thoughts. I hope your day has been going wonderfully!

╰(*´︶`*)╯ Thank you so much Anon!! I was so worried about it because truthfully, there isn't all that much to say about her that isn't tied to the other characters, and we see so little of who she is outside of Jimmy's POV, so it's going to be from a place of bias and dehumanisation, so I tried to make the best out of it I could and include as much as of her character as I could. Besides, I had already talked plenty about her, so everything was made up of stuff I had already said somewhere else.

I also find it very strange to say that Anya is someone who would willingly do such a thing, not only does it go against her whole reason to be a doctor, but it also goes against her character, her kind, forgiving and understanding nature. She would make the perfect doctor because she sees people for who they are and still administers help and aid to them, even despite her personal feelings and soon the very difficult act of giving Curly his medication, she still tries for him until he physically can no longer stand it. I've mentioned in that analysis why I hate the "Final Girl" trope and why it shouldn't and couldn't be applicable to Anya because I do not see any situation at all where she could hurt Curly or Jimmy out of any reason, it's not her, and even in the instance of a true psychotic breakdown due to stress, the most she would do is threaten them or attempt to defend herself, she would never go out of her way to actively cause harm, especially onto Jimmy, someone she's already so terrified of and is constantly spooked by, almost flinching every time he says anything.

As for your final question, I honestly headcanon her to be a Paediatric nurse, working in the children's ward. I see her very much so with the constant energy of attracting kids no matter where she goes because she's just so friendly, and nice and kids love her. It's like how Capybara have a constant chill vibe about them no matter what or where, children can sense that, and they cling to her like magnets. She gets along well with kids, wants to have her own family once, can't cry thinking about little babies and them laughing, and wishes to push effort and pursue her dreams of ensuring that children are safe, healthy, and happy. It brings her great fulfilment to accomplish something like that, helping something so young nd so fragile prosper in life. She's loved by all the other nurses and doctors because she's just so charming, always helps babies soothe for needles, knows exactly how to entertain children waiting for their parents, and she's very well educated in all sorts of things which provides very good conversation.

And don't worry, your rambling makes perfect sense! Thank you so much for asking, I hope you have a lovely day too! ☆ ～('▽^人)

[mistake-responsibility]

Curly looks like a deer in headlights and all at once he wants to step on the gas and run him the fuck over. Because how dare he act like he didn’t let her on board, tell her how to get there safely, how dare he act like he didn’t let her do this, he offered Mistake up and that’s all that-

“ KILL me?” He’s incredulous. Of all things, he never expected that, even if he should’ve. “ KILL me. You wanted HER to- to fucking- are you stupid?”

He finds himself laughing slightly, a tiny bit of humor in his eyes at the idea.

“ Kill me! As fucking revenge, because I hurt her. Me, someone who hadn’t ever met her in my life until you let her board. Yeah, the makes perfect fucking sense, let the girl who was bothered by words alone have a swing at me, why not! Gee, why not let EVERYONE have a go if we’re giving a shot to people I’ve slighted. Someone’s got to seal the deal eventually!”

Jimmy moves forward with a sense of urgency, grabbing onto Curly’s shoulders.

“ You wanted her to kill me. You wanted me dead. You wanted me gone. That has consequence, and you really didn’t give a shit, did you? How the fuck does someone come out fine from dying? I can walk off a lot, but getting MURDERED, Curly? Christ, I didn’t know I was THAT much of an issue to you! You should’ve just done it yourself, save all of us the hassle.”

But then he breaks into a grin, and it has no semblance of joy behind it at all.

“ No. You cocked that up, huh. And instead, the girl armed with every fucking weapon she could fit in a tool belt and cargo pants was given free reign. You wanna know what she told me? She told me she wasn’t going to let me die. That she wasn’t going to kill me at all. That even if I asked her to, she wouldn’t, and god did I want to ask her to. She wanted it to hurt, she DID it all to make it hurt, and it did, it does. I never wanted to see a fucking belt like that in my life ever again, and she called me by the same thing he did while she did it. The gun was just for show, to make me think that if I tried I could make it stop, a false fucking hope because I couldn’t.”

His hand hovers over the handle for a moment or two before he takes it. His grip is tight on the knife and he slides it forward without even thinking. Presses it right into Curly’s side, almost letting it slip past but making sure it still had resistance against his body.

But he doesn’t even unsheathe the blade.

He lets it stay covered, even as it digs a bit into Curly’s uniform and he can imagine the blood welling up, the deep red against his blue.

He wants to do it. He wants to do it so badly, carve him open and take out a fucking kidney just for kicks, let Curly know exactly how it feels as he crushes the organ within his own hands.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls the knife back and harshly presses it into Curly’s hands.

“ Maybe you forgot consequence, but I didn’t. Doesn’t matter if he knows who did it or not, you’ll fucking die and this ship’ll go to hell in a hand basket. You don’t want me to defend myself, you just want to take the brunt of it like you always do. I don’t want a fucking punching bag, I want a damned captain, but I guess I’m not getting that from you. So I’ll do what you do.”

And with one more shove on the closed blade, insisting Curly doesn’t try to give it away further, “ I’ll just fucking take it, because someone has to.”

It's not a question he ever thought he'd ask, but right now he's in the mood for something reckless, and that means he can either sate his curiosity or pick a fight.

He'll try for the former.

Any attempt to approach the matter delicately will fail; the best thing to do is be up front with Jimmy, and that's exactly what he does. Makes sure to catch him alone, walks right up to him, and asks.

"I was given a plush doll shaped like you...they said that if I touch it, you know..." Curly clears his throat, and lowers his voice slightly. "...if I do it sexually, you'd feel it. Is that something you'd actually want?"

He pauses, and considers for a second, before suggesting, "If you'd rather I gave it to Jim or someone else instead, I understand. I don't want you to feel concerned that I might..." There's no good way to say it. There really isn't. So he tries again. "I would never do that without your permission. Even knowing what you did...that would be wrong, to do that to you. I just...wanted to know what you'd like me to do with it. If you want me to keep it but not touch it, or give it to you or someone else. Or..."

Or go ahead and touch it when I please, hangs unsaid in the air.

( @curlygrant44 )

[ DISCIPLINE: 18 - Pass. Even if he’s mad at Pumpkin, he can forget it right now. It’s not the guys fault anyway, but he’s still going to be bitter. Just… some other time. ]

[ COMPOSURE: 11 - Pass. He doesn’t fumble immediately like a flustered idiot! Just fumbles a little slower like a slightly less flustered slightly less idiot. ]

When he was told “Curly” was given a doll, he hadn’t expected… this one. The one who could already control him like a puppet if he so desired. It looked like he didn’t desire thus far, and now he was even bothering to check if a certain level was okay. It was, rather honestly, a little… exciting.

He doesn’t indulge in any daydreams that spring to mind though. It’s only because good ol’ fashion morals that Curly asked this. Nothing more.

“ Huh. I heard about one of those- I thought it was a joke, but I suppose I was wrong. I’m glad it ended up in your hands out of everyone… Sunshine’s about the only other person I would’ve trusted with it off the bat.”

Mistake sighs and tries to pretend like flush isn’t creeping on to his face as he thinks over Curly’s question.

“ I’m not opposed to it,” he finally decides. “ I mean- it’s really up to you, and I don’t care either way, you’ve given me a heads up and that’s really all I need. And if you don’t want it, I’m fine if you hand it off to someone, I just might need a heads up, but-”

He makes a vague gesture, then waves his hands a bit in frustration that not only will words not work, but not using words won’t work.

“ Go ahead, if you want. Or don’t. I just… do whatever you want to do with it. Keep it and do nothing with it, give it to someone else or me, or…”

Or, of course, go ahead and touch it when you please.

“ … If it even works, anyways. ”

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Tap Out Job

leverage 2.02

Jack: Somebody drugged his water. It's an old boxing trick. He couldn't defend himself, and... He's still in the hospital.

that’s fucked

- - - - -

Eliot: It's not a cockfight. All right? Let me show you something, Hardison. Come here. Can I borrow you? (puts a gentle hand on Parker’s hip, guiding her to the open space behind the couch) All right. Square up. Remember what I showed you?

(Hardison and Parker square up)

Hardison: Are you...

Eliot: There's three phases to an MMA--to an MMA fight, okay? One, striking. (Parker punches Hardison in the face) Nice. Next is grappling, the takedown. (Parker grabs Hardison and throws him on the floor) Exactly. All right. The third one is jujitsu. Okay, try to isolate a joint. (Parker gets Hardison in a hold) That's good. That's a textbook armbar, Parker. Put some pressure on there.

Parker: Like this?

Eliot: There you go. Or you can go for a choke hold.

Hardison: She got to be choking me. (tries to get away)

Eliot: Remember that thing that I showed you?

Parker: Oh, yeah. The choke.

Eliot: Lock that in. All right. You don't have to hold the arm. See, that's a triangle choke. That's nasty. Puts pressure on his carotid artery, and the guy will submit by tap out.

Hardison (tapping the ground): Eliot, I'm tapping! I'm tapping!

Eliot: These fights are won by inches, I'm telling you.

Hardison: I can't breathe!

Eliot: All about leverage.

Sophie: Yeah, it looks really painful.

Hardison: It is painful!

Nate: No TV deal, you said, huh? Hardison, what are this guy's other interests, this Rucker guy?

Hardison: Seriously, you ask me a question right now...

Sophie: I'll take that. Yeah, rotary club, golf membership.

Nate: Golf, huh?

Hardison: Help me!

Sophie: Yeah. I mean, this guy's like a 1950s sitcom character. He plays a weekly game with the local businessmen. In fact, last year, he won the club championship.

Nate: Did he? Hmm.

Hardison: Let me go!

Nate: I guess it's...

Hardison: She's killing me!

Nate: …it's time to hit the links.

Hardison: I'm cool. Just let me go real quick.

eliot canonically teaches parker how to fight in his spare time and I LOVE THAT

fucking CHAOTIC OT3 + parker is having a great time while hardison is dying

ALSO can we just for a minute appreciate how when she puts him in a chokehold she was wrapping her legs around his neck, which basically had his head in her crotch area and !!! it wasn’t sexualized at al !!! literally A N Y other show would have sexualized it even just a little bit but not leverage. never leverage.

- - - - -

I love it when they fuck with peoples gear (like with the baseballs or hockey pucks or in this instance the golf balls)

- - - - -

parker playing with the golf club covers

- - - - -

literally EVERY con has nate being an asshole (this one was one of the more annoying ones tho)

- - - - -

hi I am but a simple bi and eliot in that grey hoodie was VERY attractive

- - - - -

Room Service: Room service. Can I help you?

Sophie: Yeah, no, I can't eat this. I'm sorry?

Everything on my plate is yellow.

Room Service: It's chicken-fried steak.

Sophie: It's what? Chicken-fried steak?

Room Service: Yes.

Sophie: No, let me just tell you, all right. Meat should never be used as an adjective.

~ a little while late ~

Sophie: I'm starving.

Parker: I found these in the minibar. (throws her a bag)

Sophie: "Pork Rinds"? How do you peel a pig? (throws it back)

- - - - -

Hardison: Got it. See, Online video websites, they track viewer hits by IP Address, so the trick is to just spoof a bunch of IPs, then write a script that lets you browse the video page via the proxy list and...

- - - - -

Sophie: Well, this guy, he just--he give me the creeps.

Eliot: We've gone up against rougher dudes than this before.

Sophie: I know. But it's this whole treating people as commodities. This whole barbaric sport.

Eliot: Hey, don't lump these guys in with Rucker. All right, he's not what the sport's about.

Sophie: Eliot, this "sport" is about two guys beating the crap out of each other.

Eliot: MMA fighters act with more respect than any other athlete I've seen.

Sophie: Yeah, they're "Braveheart," I get it.

Eliot: No, you don't. These guys don't fight because they like hurting other people, all right. They fight to gain some sort of control over their opponents, over their environment, over their lives. Have you seen this town? Huh? The farms are drying up. The only stores are bail bondsmen and pawn shops, and there's nothing they can do about it. So, yeah, they get in the ring and try not to let it all suffocate them. (a beat, he smiles) And it's about two guys beating the crap out of each other. (she smiles back)

- - - - -

eliot is wearing a green flannel in this one and it looks very nice and comfy

- - - - -

Rucker: Well, bottom line is, you need good product. What event are you here to produce?

[Interior Van]

Hardison: On it. There's a tractor pull in grand island, a livestock show in council bluffs, white people doing other white things…

pls keep calling out white people pls we deserve it lmfao

- - - - -

Director (in car looking at his phone): Come on! Come on! Give me something! Come on! Is this gonna take long?

Nate (through window): No. Two shakes. Are you in a hurry?

Director: Even half a bar... what? Yes. Hurry. Does anyone in this backwater hellhole know what that means?

Nate: You're a director, right? What was your name again?

Director: What? It's Laurence. Todd Laurence.

Nate: Todd, well, listen, Mr. Laurence. See, I wrote a script...

Director: Huh?

Nate: Yeah. It's about a limo driver who solves mysteries till his wife leaves him for --

Director: For the love of god!

Nate: ...the best part: The feed store manager. Right? His wife…

Director: Yeah...?

Nate: Tramp...

Director: Hey, hee-haw, move the car! Okay

- - - - -

parker in leather pants, a bright yellow ‘I heart Nebraska’ tshirt and weird hat, eating a corn dog? ,,,a look I guess

- - - - -

Hardison (showing passes): So, I'm Todd Laurence? (girls flock to Hardison) Ladies, please, look. For the last time, I am not the tailback for the cornhuskers. Go! I don't even know what a cornhusker is.

- - - - -

Rucker: And all you need is a product?

Sophie: Well, that's what they are: Products. You get the girls with Trianna, you get the boys with MMA. And there's always another fresh-faced princess ready to go through the singing/dancing mill in Florida. Occasionally, we let one be a lesbian, keeps the press on their toes

- - - - -

Hardison: What? What? W-what was I supposed to do? It was cousin Jimmy.

Sophie: He's right. We couldn't have planned for that.

Hardison: Look, you know what I can do? I can re-task a satellite, I can get a level 3 NSA clearance, but I can't hack a hick

- - - - -

Eliot: All right, it doesn't matter. What do we do now?

Parker: We can move the Howorth.

Eliot: We're not moving the Howorths. All right? This is their home. That means something to people here.

Sophie: Yeah, we can't babysit them forever.

Nate: We've taken out bigger players than this. You know, there's got to be some way, something we can...

Eliot: No, no! I take the dive.

Sophie: You sure?

Hardison: Give me some time, okay? I've found some funny business in Rucker's accounts. I can move some things.

Eliot: Forget the fact that we just got beat by Barney Fife, all right? This is the right move. Tactically it's the right move. You all know that. (walks away)

none of them want to see eliot hurt more than he needs to or see him go down like that and I cry

alec ‘give me five minutes I will do literally anything for eliot’ hardison

- - - - -

Sophie: Hey. Listen, you-you don't have to do this, you know. Nate's gonna come up with something.

Eliot: I'm losing a fight, Sophie. I'm not diving on a grenade. I'll be all right.

Sophie: Yeah, I know. I'm not talking physically.

Eliot: I think my ego can handle it.

Sophie: Look, you told me that it's about control, about knowing that you're never gonna be the victim. And that's what keeps you going, right?

Eliot: You think I'm upset 'cause I got to let this guy kick my ass? I learned a long time ago, you can't control the violence. I can take the punishment. That's what I do. What I need to control is not out there. (touches his chest) It's here. Always.

(Sophie smiles and walks away)

- - - - -

hardison holds eliots face before he fights I never noticed that before

+ eliot’s hair is curly when it’s wet/when he’s sweaty. this means he blowdries his hair on a regular basis. eliot, as a part of taking control of himself and his life after moreau took interest in self care and taking care of his hair in this essay I will-

- - - - -

one thing I love about this is that eliot doesn’t have a six pack (see this commentary I made with a few lovely additions by my mutuals)

- - - - -

Jack: Where's Rucker?

Hardison: Oh, the Iowa State Police just got a tip that a fugitive is headed into their jurisdiction. And I'm pretty sure crossing state lines with a bag full of cash won't look too good.

Parker: Especially when they find the little surprise in his trunk.

[Flashback, Pawn Shop]

Parker: I need guns. (dumping money on counter) $6,000 worth. And one of those.

LMFAO THERE WAS A TUBA TOO

- - - - -

Doctor (examining Eliot): You took a hell of a pounding. We should get you a CT scan. You could have internal bleeding.

Jack: You let yourself get hammered like that on purpose? That's a hell of a lot of punishment to take.

Sophie: That's what he does.

- - - - -

eliot held the rope up for parker to step under when they were getting out of the ring

- - - - -

Sophie (to Parker): Pork rind? They're actually pretty good. (parker shakes her head and rubs her stomach) You sure?

sophie nO

[stardust-walker]

High Hopes: Chapter 18

Previous Chapters:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

word count: 3506

A/N: It’s a mental breakdown *sad off-tune kazoo music*

________________________________________________________

Dove left the area by the little pond feeling more at peace that she had in a while. It seemed like seeing the big bush of Cherokee Roses had lightened Carol's spirits a little bit too as they walked along together. "He really thinks we're gonna find her," Carol whispered as she watched Daryl's back retreating towards the camp ahead of them.

"I guess so. He apologized and everything," Dove shook her head in amazement. "We sure that he didn't get brain damage from that gunshot? He's been acting all nice and shit today. It's weird."

Carol rolled her eyes, "Don't jinx it." Dove let out a short laugh.

"What the hell are they still doin here," Daryl said quietly and drew the attention of the two women forward again. Dove squinted as she saw Andrea walking towards the house. Did they find her?

"Rick's with Hershel, we were supposed to leave a few hours ago," Dove heard Andrea say as they picked up the pace to keep up with Daryl.

"Yeah you were," Daryl called as he announced their arrival. "What the hell you still doin here?"

Carol stepped up beside the redneck as Dove tried to keep her distance from the blonde woman. "Rick told us he was going out," she directed her question towards Andrea.

"Damn it, isn't anyone taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail," Daryl snapped.

"If no one else is taking this seriously, then we'll just go since we're apparently the only ones taking this seriously," Dove jumped in with a sideways glance towards Andrea.

"No, you're not," Carol spoke up again and any retort that her younger sister had was lost as Daryl cut in.

"Here we go," he spoke as he walked past the two women. Everyone's attention was drawn to the figure approaching. It was Shane, Dove noticed. Her eyes quickly locked onto the bag filled with guns. Her heart leapt into her throat as she reached out for her sister. Carol gripped her sister's hand in hers as Shane handed a gun to Daryl.

Dove didn't miss the worried and confused look on Daryl's face as he walked towards them with the others.

"Where's Dale," Andrea inquired.

"Thought we couldn't carry," T-Dog asked.

"He's on his way, and we can and we have to," Shane answered as he turned and held a handgun out to Dove. "C'mon. You with us?"

Dove's eyes flickered quickly from the gun to her sister and then quickly over Shane's shoulder. Her hazel eyes locked with Daryl's blue ones as he seemed to await her response. Dove stood up a little straighter, her grip on Carol's hand tightened. "You know I'm with the group no matter what. But not with this. I won't be a part of it." Shane scoffed and turned his attention to Glenn.

"What about you man, gonna protect yours?" Dove was surprised to see Glenn take the rifle. "Can you shoot?" Shane questioned Maggie.

"Can you stop," Maggie snapped.

The door to the house swung open as Julian stepped onto the porch. "What the hell is going on out here," his brown eyes were wide in confusion as he took in the sight before him. Why the hell did they have all those guns.

"What about you, bud? You seemed ready to defend your home when you wanted gun training. You gonna man up," Shane held a gun out to him.

Julian's eyes narrowed slightly as he descended the steps to stand next to the oldest Greene sister. "You might wanna rethink the decision you're making here," Julian shook his head.

"You do this and my dad will make you leave tonight," Maggie attempted to reason with him.

"What is this," Lori approached finally from around the porch.

Dove's eyes shot to the older brunette. If there was a way to silently communicate to Lori that she needed to try and talk him down, she would be doing it right now. "Hershel's just gotta understand. We're not going anywhere. Okay? He's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right?"

Dove snarled, "Don't even try to make this about her! That's not what this is about."

Lori took that chance to step in. "Rick said no guns! This is not your decision, this is not your call." Dove closed her eyes as she tried to take a deep breath. Her chest felt tight again, but it seemed like today wouldn't stop as a voice spoke from behind them.

"Oh shit," T-Dog shouted.

Dove turned quickly, her hazel eyes opened as she saw Rick coming out of the woods with Hershel and two walkers. Everyone was off.

"See what they're holding onto," Shane shouted as Dove let go of Carol's hand and ran faster.

"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel retorted.

"Shane, just let us do this. Then we can talk," Rick pleaded as Dove came to a stop next to T-Dog.

"These things ain't sick! They're not people," Shane began to rant. "They're dead! Ain't gonna feel nothin for them 'cause all they do, they kill!" Shane paced back and forth like a madman and Dove didn't even realize she was digging her nails into her friend's arm in a panic until he gently pulled her hand away.

"Go back with Carol," T-Dog gave her shoulder a gentle shove backwards and Dove could only stumble back a few steps before an arm wrapped around her shoulder. Dove bit down on the inside of her lip as she began to shake in her sister's arms.

"They're the things that killed Amy! They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us," Shane screamed. "Hey Hershel, let me ask you something. Could a living, breathing person, could they walk away from this?" Shane rambled on before he pulled out his gun and fired three shots into the female walker that Hershel had on a rope.

Carol jumped at the sudden shock of the loud noise and Dove's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "Stop it," Rick shouted.

"That's three rounds in the chest," Shane continued to scream. "Can someone who's alive take that? Why is it still coming?" Shane took more shots. He was just fucking with them now and Dove wanted to scream as he finally stepped forward and took the headshot. "Enough! Risking our lives for a little girl who's gone," Shane yelled as he approached the barn door.

Daryl glanced quickly over his shoulder at this. Carol whimpered as Dove wrapped her arms around her sister and began to stroke her hair with her own shaking hands. Dove wanted to take that gun and shoot Shane for everything he was putting them all through. It was only fear that kept her rooted to the spot.

"Enough living next to a barn full of things that want to kill us! Enough. Rick, it ain't like it was before. Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it," Shane continued his rampage. On the other side of the group, Julian had his hands planted firmly in his curly hair. It was only when Rick started to shout for Hershel to take the snare pole that he stepped forward.

Everyone was beginning to scream. His focus shifted from the snare pole with the walker to Beth. Julian grabbed her shoulder firmly, "Listen to me, you try not to look okay?" His voice was almost pleading, "I know you haven't been out there and haven't seen how bad it is but…." He trailed off as the noises from the barn grew louder; the walkers started to file out and Julian wanted to throw up as he saw some familiar faces in the mix. Out of instinct, he wrapped a protective arm around the younger girl as she began to weep at the sight of her family.

Every gunshot made Dove's stomach turn and Carol jumped. Dove's eyes stayed focused on a spot above the doorway to the barn as she tried to keep herself from panicking too much. Then, just as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. Jimmy was at Beth's side and Julian pulled away, his hands going right back to his hair as he tried to keep the tears that he felt sting his eyes from falling.

Dove's breath caught in her throat as Daryl turned around to face them. She didn't know what to think about anything right now, if anything she wanted an excuse to go run away from the barn now more than ever. She finally released her grip on Carol's arm as she took careful steps forward. In the shocked silence, she heard it. Something else was moving in the barn. She felt her pulse quicken as T-Dog took a few steps back to meet her. "Don't," his voice was barely above a whisper.

It felt like the world started to move in slow motion as a little shoe emerged from the barn, followed by thin legs. Dove heard Daryl's voice from her left side utter a quiet, "No," before she heard Carol.

"Sophia," Carol shouted as she ran forward and that seemed to snap Dove out of her own trance as she made a move to run forward.

T-Dog was a lot stronger than her, but she tried to fight him. "Let me go," Dove beat her fists against her friend's chest as he held her in place. She could see Carol out of the corner of her eye with Daryl, both of them trying to reach the little girl but both of them being stopped. "Let me go," Dove hissed before T-Dog gave her a shake.

"Don't look," his voice shook.

Don't look.

It was those words that seemed to snap her back to reality as she finally registered what was happening. Sophia's eyes were cloudy, her shirt was torn, and the left side of her neck was gone. Sophia was gone. The scream that Dove let out almost didn't sound human as she watched her niece continue to shuffle forward. The sudden noise in the silence made the little girl's dead gaze focus on the brunette woman. Carol continued to sob and Dove could barely see through the tears in her eyes. What she did see, was Sophia's head turn slightly in her direction. Dove felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment and then…

It was over.

A gunshot rang out and Sophia dropped to the ground. Carol began to sob hysterically as Dove felt herself go numb. She clung to T-Dog's arms as her knees gave out and tears began to roll down her face.

~

She didn't remember how she came to be sitting on the ground, but there she was. Dove pulled her knees to her chest as her sister continued to sob. The tears continued to flow freely down the brunette's face, but her eyes didn't leave the spot where Sophia's body lay. The only other thing that she seemed to be able to register was Carol's sobs getting quieter as she ran off towards camp.

Dove's whole body shook as Daryl knelt in front of her. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His eyes seemed to communicate everything he was trying to, especially how sorry he was. Dove nodded her head weakly as she finally averted her gaze from the dead body of her niece. The redneck's hands were surprisingly gentle as he grasped her arm. Dove took a deep breath as she unfolded her arms and held onto the man's arms for support as he pulled her to her feet.

A scream from up by the group of walkers made Dove jump slightly; her hands instinctively gripped Daryl's hand as he tried to move to help the group. "No, please," Dove pleaded feebly. Daryl looked angry as he turned back to look at the brunette. There was something that he saw that made him stay; though he definitely didn't seem happy about it.

"Get her out of here," Rick shouted as most of the group attempted to pull Beth away from the corpse of her mother. Julian ran forward, panic was the only thing driving him. He didn't want to lose anyone else. A scream tore from his throat as he picked up a shovel from the side of the barn and brought it down on Beth's mother's head. It was only then that they were able to pull the blonde girl away. He couldn't tell if the look Maggie shot him was one of gratitude, anger, or both.

~

Julian walked alongside Patricia as Shane followed them up to the house. "You knew that little girl was in that barn and you kept it from us," Shane shouted after them. Julian clenched his jaw as Hershel replied.

"I didn't know," Hershel tried to explain.

"Why was she there," Shane continued to try to interrogate the old man and Julian finally snapped.

The dark haired man turned his head and snapped back at Shane, "Back off, man! Haven't you done enough?"

Shane stared him down and he felt a chill run down his spine as Hershel finally worked up enough energy to speak. "Otis put those people in the barn. Maybe he found her and put her in there before he was killed."

Shane scoffed, "You expect me to believe that? Do I look like an idiot"

Julian narrowed his eyes at the deputy, "He's telling the truth. Otis took care of the barn." He wanted to tell Shane that he didn't look like an idiot, he looked like a maniac; but he didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

"I don't care what you believe," Hershel retorted. Julian put a hand on Hershel's shoulder and attempted to lead him back up the stairs, towards the house, and towards his family while Rick continued to stand in between the two men. "Get him off my land," Hershel shouted at Rick.

"Let me tell you something, man," Shane spoke again as he made a move for Hershel. Julian was just about to jump in between them when Maggie ran down the stairs.

"Don't you touch him," she shouted as she smacked Shane hard. "Haven't you done enough?" That was it. Julian was finally able to lead the old farmer up the stairs.

"I mean it…off my land," Hershel stated calmly.

"Hershel. That's enough," Julian whispered as he gave him a nudge towards the house.

~

Dove watched the whole thing happen from where she sat against the side of the RV. Her hands shook as Dale approached slowly from around the side of the RV. "I'm so sorry," the old man said solemnly as he looked at her for permission to sit. Dove's only response was a feeble nod. "Where's Carol?"

"She's inside," Dove's voice was still thick with tears, though no more fell from her eyes. "I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't say anythin. I don't blame her. It's my fault…"

Dale put a hand on the young woman's shoulder. "Hey. Don't say that."

"Say what? That it's my fault Sophia's dead? Dale, I told her that I would protect her and look what ended up happening," her voice broke as she shook her head. She drew in a deep breath before she spoke again. "Daryl almost got himself killed and that would've been my fault too because he was looking for Sophia and…"

Dale cut her off with a quiet 'hush' before he spoke again. "Sophia isn't your fault. And I think you know that if Daryl died , that wouldn't have been on you either. You don't need to do this to yourself," Dale gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I would say it's going to be okay, but it won't be. Not for a long time. I mean, hell, I still miss my wife like it was yesterday."

Dove sniffled slightly as she ran a hand across her face. She placed her hand on top of the one Dale had placed on her shoulder. "I know…"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is…you're not alone." Dove was grateful for the silence that fell over the next few minutes before she spotted Daryl making his way back up the trail to the RV.

His head hung low as he approached them. Dove's chest felt tight as she waited for him to speak. "We're gonna bury them…all of them. Sophia too." Tears stung Dove's eyes again as she nodded her head. She turned her attention to Dale and a look of understanding passed between them before the old man stood up to help her to her feet.

Words escaped the young woman as she tried to keep herself steady on her feet. Tears filled her hazel eyes as she just stared at the red neck for a moment before she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. A sob left her as she felt Daryl tense up from the unexpected physical contact. A hand patted her back, almost awkwardly before he spoke. "I'm sorry."

~

Dove was sitting by the RV still with Carl and Dale as she waited for the funeral. Daryl hadn't come out of where he sat in the RV with Carol, but she hadn't heard much noise from in there. Dove rose to her feet as she saw Lori approach. Lori placed a hand on Carl's hat. The little boy glanced up at her and Dove managed a weak smile before she nodded at him. "Go with Dale," Lori quietly instructed her son.

It was silent as Dove hesitantly led Lori up the stairs into the RV. "They're ready," Lori lowered her gaze to the ground as she spoke. Dove's eyes were trained on her sister as she leaned against the back of the passenger seat. Her heart sank as she saw Carol shake her head. "Come on," Lori pleaded gently.

"Why," Carol asked.

"Cause that's your little girl," Daryl answered almost instantly.

Carol finally raised her gaze up from the table to the man, "That's not my little girl. That's some other…thing." Carol's voice sounded hollow. Dove bit down on her thumb to keep from letting out a sob as she meekly nodded her head. "My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time I thought…" Carol trailed off for a moment. Lori's gaze stayed on Carol as she reached out and placed a gentle hand on Dove's arm. "She didn't cry herself to sleep. She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back. Sophia died a long time ago."

Dove let out a shaky breath. "Carol…"

Carol just shook her head and continued to stare out the window. Dove didn't know what she felt more of; anger or sadness. Her gaze landed on the flower that was still in the old bottle they had found a few days ago. Her steps were careful as she walked across the RV. She felt Daryl's blue eyes watch her as she pulled the flower from the bottle. "Let's go," she mumbled quietly as Daryl finally hopped down from the counter where he sat.

"I can't believe she did that," Daryl muttered under his breath as the two of them walked towards the gravesite.

"You can't tell people how to grieve," Dove explained simply. As they approached the gravesite, Dove remembered how much she hated funerals. Glenn walked over and gave her a tight hug, followed by T-Dog, and some of the others. Julian approached and extended his condolences with a one armed hug and a mumbled sorry.

The brunette felt safe where she stood in between Lori and Daryl. It wasn't like Otis's funeral. There was no beautiful speeches to be made, it was silent as a graveyard. Dove took a careful step forward and placed the wilted Cherokee Rose on top of Sophia's grave. A quiet sniffle escaped her and she stepped back. She felt surprise instead of fear or anger as she felt a quick, but tight squeeze on her hand from her left side. Dove didn't turn her head, but the gesture was enough. A few seconds passed before the group began to head off in their own directions.

Dove's attention turned to the redneck; she wanted to say something, offer her thanks again for being there and trying, but he was already heading off on his own.

Lori furrowed her eyebrows for a moment before she reached out and placed an arm around the younger woman. "C'mon, sweetie. Let's head back to camp."

Dove didn't have it in her to fight anymore today. She was quiet as she followed the older woman back to her tent. It was early in the day, but all Dove wanted to do was crawl into her sleeping bag and cry. She wasn't even sure if the tears she shed were for Sophia, Carol, or her anger at herself. All she knew was it didn't matter anymore. Sophia was gone and there was no going back from that.

__

@crossbowking​ @momc95​ @chaotic-gary-king-stan​