#curly still tried to defend jimmy

[beargonefishing]

having a lot of thoughts about mouthwashing actually specifically curly

there might be a whole other post in tags oops

[go-fornicate-yourself]

Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser

(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)

Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.

And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.

The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.

Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.

He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.

He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.

And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.

He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.

Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.

It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.

There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.

So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.

But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.

Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly

They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.

Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.

But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.

So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.

I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.

[dreamsaflame]

Mouthwashing is so prescient on discourse about inaction. So many people asking why Curly brushed aside Anya's fears and remained lenient with Jimmy. So many people asking why Swansea didn't immediately take action after the private convo in the cockpit.

And now, in real time, you can see people trying to defend both men. And I don't think this is done out of malice, or any intention to downplay the horror of Anya's situation. I think it's pretty human nature to want a better world, to want to soften the blow. There's so much we don't know (the timeline, the details of the convo, the actual nature of Curly's friendship with Jimmy, etc etc ad nauseam), so there is space to hope for a gentler moment, even if we all know the aftermath is unbearable and impact is imminent. We still want to believe things could be different, that things could be better. It doesn't change anything, but still. But still.

Maybe Anya had still held on to a little bit of hope, futile though it would have been. Maybe she didn't feel completely isolated the entire time. She was failed by both Curly and Swansea in every way that matters, but maybe she could have sat by them and not feel like her world had fully imploded. Maybe there were moments where the world allowed her to breathe.

Maybe Curly didn't know. Maybe he did try to keep Jimmy away from Anya. Maybe he was doing what he could, despite his desire to see the best in people (Jimmy). Maybe there wasn't enough time for him to even do anything. Maybe Swansea tried to step up afterwards. We don't know. We only see through the eyes of one man who only wanted to see the good in the world, and then through the eyes of one man who only saw himself.

And the game's prescience even about the end––wishing doesn't change anything. Anya dies putting away her conviction that your worst moments don't define you, that they don't make of you a monster. Daisuke dies having helped no one with his hope and sacrifice. Swansea dies filled with regret, having done nothing, protected no one. Curly watches till the end as his freeze reaction ensures he stays frozen, unable to act, to help.

Even Jimmy, wishing he was better, that he was a hero––and in the end, even Polle turns away from him.

[x-jackalnope-x]

Responsibility

Chapter Two of No More Running, A Mouthwashing retelling.

Synopsis: After consulting Anya, Tulpar’s medic, Curly makes a decision that might alter the life he finds unfulfilling. Abandoning the job and turning the Tulpar Freighter’s destination back to Earth. In a desperate attempt to right his wrongs, the Captain is caught in the act. Curly must protect his crew at all costs against the monster on board, Jimmy.

Author's Note: Thank you all for taking time to read chapter one! It really is the push I needed to post more! I hope you enjoy my positive retelling!

Warnings: SA, mentions of SA, pregnancy by SA, MDNI, heavy topics covered.

Chapter Masterlist:

No More Running

Curly had hitched his breath when he heard the voice fill the voided space around him. His golden hair obstructed his view as he turned his head, ready to defend the controls. His eyes held a dark fury to the intruder. Swansea read that deranged look, he knew this well.

“You *never* work more than you are supposed to… Don’t you think stomping off like that is a cry for help?” 

Swansea might not have captain experience under his belt, but his life experience spoke in moments like this. Curly brows furrowed, daring Swansea to step into the pit- which he had. The automatic door hissing itself shut.

“Making more plans *without* telling us, Captain?” his eyes, tired with that life experience, read the screens. Curly exhaled deeply,”Swansea, I can explain.”

“Oh? I bet you can. What Pony Express can’t even afford us to finish the job? Send you some secret message telling you to turn home?” He was understandably still upset about the party. The thoughtful and kind gesture Curly’s crew had prepared… The moment their captain thought appropriate to tell them they’d all be losing their jobs.

Even if it was issued by protocol to host one collective birthday party… This year had been him. 

“Swans-” Curly had tried to start.

“What do you think this tells the boy?” Swansea had defied, his hand gesturing to the screen, a countdown leading down to the arrival of home- to safety. The comment confused Curly, dumbfounded before Swansea explained.

“Daisuke! Life gets hard, so you turn on home! You leave a job unfinished? You work so damn hard in your life just to be tossed–”

“Swans!” Curly had finally interrupted him. Standing slowly from the piloting seat. A finger to his lips,”We have a threat on the ship…” his voice carried softly, his tone just slightly above a whisper. These words caused their mechanic to look Curly. Wary of the next words,”The foam’ll-”

“This isn’t a foam problem, Swans… We have a live wire among the crew”, the captain ran a hand along the temples of his forehead. Speaking about it with someone else, someone new- it made Curly sound crazy. After the strong release of the air he held in, Curly’s hands rested on hips, shrugging out the energy.

“It’s been sparking for too long… Already caused some damage… Ones I think I’ve been seeing but-”

“So now you choose to be a fucking man, huh?” Swansea drilled him,”You brought that useless cargo on this ship- and I am not talking about what we were carrying for Pony Express. I’m talking about the baggage YOU brought and carried with you.” His girthy index out as he stepped closer, closing the space between himself and his ‘captain’.

“We have a fucking kid on this ship-”

“We have a woman too, Swansea! I am well aware of what-” Curly held up his hand then the other joined. Swansea saw this was an attempt to wave a white flag. The elder saw this, scoffing, shaking his head at someone he would still consider a ‘young buck’. Curly still had a lot to learn…

“Why now? Are you just now seeing what kind of man your ‘friend’ is, Captain? You think this will fix whatever he already broke?”

Curly locked with Swansea’s peering gaze, they gray had dulled. 

“I don’t think I can ever fix what I have allowed for so long, Swansea.” 

The older man took Curly in, those dull hues had rivaled looks he had seen in men before. 

A face of revelation, Swansea had been through this. After seeing the bottom of too many bottles, there were things people did when they lost control. How they sobered up and atoned for them is what defines them from the Jimmy’s of the world. Swansea had probably been a ‘Jimmy’ before he hit his own enlightenment.

“You aren’t talking to me as a captain right now, are you, Curly?”

That intense eyelock softened, finally some understanding between them.  

“No, I’m not… I guess I am not,Swansea.” Curly chuffed, shaking his head and looked to the metal locker. Where the code reader and the…

His sight looked down the barrel of the gun. 

“Is the kid going to be alright?” Swansea broke his reverie, thinking back to the dream. In the back of his mind, he felt the panic of that gun pointed at him. Beckoning him to get rid of it, out of reach.

“I asked if-”

“What? Yeah, Swansea… Do you still have that axe I lent you? From when Daisuke got stuck?” Curly interrupted, going to the locker and grabbing the kit and the code reader.

“Do you think we’ll need all that…”

“Answer my question, Swansea.” Curly had to be proactive, it was the lack of awareness that had landed them all in this mess. Stopping to do intake, scanning the locker for the nylon rope. One Jimmy had crudely bet his credits on the chance of it ‘not being used’.

God, how many signs were there to Jimmy that he missed? How long had he been using Curly’s ignorance and wishful thinking against him? Had he used that thinking to trap Anya in such a powerless position? That pooling guilt now wanted him to vomit at the idea. The idea that Jimmy had used their friendship against people Curly had to protect.

“Don’t lose it now, Captain… How about you tell me this plan you have? If you are thinkin’ that freak would use a gun… shouldn’t we send a distress call?”

Curly had said aid might be needed, but now with another opinion. Swansea was right, it caused the younger man to chuckle and shake his head.

“Maybe I should’ve started listening to you sooner, Swans…” he admitted, grabbing the supplies from the locker and placing it on Jimmy's usual seat. 

“I need you to be ready with that axe, I don’t know that I can trust Jimmy won’t do anything stupid when confronted…”

“You planning to confront him? Are you really thinking that’s a good idea? What about Daisuke and Anya? I don’t move as fast with an axe… still got years on me-”

“I’m asking you to defend the cockpit, Swansea. I’m hiding the gun… you never know. Any other threats you know on this freighter?” Curly was sitting now, tapping the keys away to earth. 

‘Treason on board, need immediate rescue. Tulpar Freighter, SOS.’

He sent it, he prayed it was delivered. They were already wasting so much time in the cockpit. Jimmy could be around the corner- the way he thought of him was more like the boogeyman. 

“Get that axe, you keep an eye on this room.”

“I want you to promise me something, Captain Curly.” Swansea had interrupted, causing Curly to pause as he recollected the discarded items on the vacant station next to him. The throne of a pest.

“Nothing happens to the kid, Daisuke. You need to promise me that. He has so much left to live.”

“Swansea, we all have so much left to live. We’re going to figure this out together… If this goes well.. I pray we’ll have Jimmy freeze dried before anything like that happens..” The two men took in each other then. Curly straightened up with the instruments they’d need to pull this off. He slid the loop of the rope over his arm and rested it on his shoulder. 

“You’re co-captain now, and if Jimmy comes knocking, that’s what you tell him, understand?… I need his attention. Redirect him to me…”

“I’ve been seeing the way he looks at you, Curly. I must admit, I look at you the same way sometimes. Pathetic man, aimless ambitions, that kinda thinkin’ gets people hurt- and has.” Swansea watched the color of Curly’s face. Facing the reality of the crew had painted long before his revelation. 

“I think everyone wants to escape themselves” Swansea continued,”You aren’t a bad man for wanting to escape. Everyone does, vices just change depending on who you are.”

Closing the gap between them, the large hand took Curly’s shoulder giving it a proud and firm grip.

“It’s time like this that defines us as who we are when we stop running. It's your turn now, like it was mine when I stopped drinking, I reckon Daisuke will have to learn that running might put you ahead… but don’t make the destination any closer, does it?”

“Does it ever get closer?” it sounded like a plea, leaving Curly’s lips. 

“I think you’re starting to see the finish line…” Swansea replied, retreating his hand off the captain’s shoulder. 

“Now, I got orders, Don’t think we have much time now before the freak wakes up…”

“No, we don’t. I need to get to Anya..” Curly turned to the controls. Engaging a captain’s lock to prevent intervention from anyone other than the captain. 

People have to be worth their titles.

Now, Jimmy was stripped of his. 

There was a dangerous criminal on board the Tulpar freighter cargo ship. 

The two men shared a glance. Standing near the door,”Axe. This door. After I speak to Anya- I’ll check on…him.”

“What are you going to do to him, Curly?” Swansea asked before Curly could activate the door to leave. The blonde had turned to his elder, flashing a smile,”Making him take responsibility, Swansea.”

Quickly, he lifted the code reader to the open locker, seeing the number illuminate within the confined space. Looking to Swansea one last time, a knowing nod happened between the men by sharing the numbers with him. Taking a moment to memorize the code, before dropping his arm to his side once more.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Curly checked the door. Seeing no one in sight just yet, he looked back to Swansea sharing a nod to him.

They were all treading in unfamiliar water now.

There were no titles, or what made someone worthy to have them…

In the oceanic void of space, everyone is prey.

That’s how Jimmy saw it.

[micksmansion]

cant stop thinking about mouthwashing and bojack horseman parallels but especially jimmy as bojack, curly as mr peanutbutter, and anya as diane....

i think i dont need to explain why jimmy would be bojack, but as far as i remember bojack was SOOO pissy about mr pb being more successful and generally ((seemingly)) happier than him, with mr pb eventually never really. dropping??? bojack even after the shitty things he did, especially in that one scene where mr pb 'defends' bojack, while accidentally ratting him out about what REALLY happened with sarah lynn (if you haven't watched the show, bojack got high on heroine with sarah lynn and she ended up overdosing, bojack lied and said he found her already dead, and mr pb basically tells the journalist how bojack gave her the heroine, all while thinking he was defending him), which it's obviously NOT what happened EXACTLY with curly, although I find it a good parallel nonetheless.

As in Anya as Diane, it's mostly because of her relationship with Mr Peanutbutter; at first, it looks perfect, like nothing could go wrong, but with time, it just didn't work out. Even if they both tried to make it work, even if mr pb really tried to understand and help her, even if he meant well while generally tried to be a people pleaser as always, he was still partially unaware of her feelings overall, which led to them divorcing and going separate ways.

does this even make sense???? idk i just had to write it down

[withacapitalp]

Quiet

For the STWG Daily Prompt today! This one is a little roundabout, but I just wanted to write some of the boys being goofy little besties!!!

-----

“Class, this is Dustin Henderson. He just moved here all the way from Arizona, isn’t that interesting?” Mrs. Wren said, gently nudging the boy further to the front of the room and giving him a soft smile, “Dustin, why don’t you tell us about yourself a little?” 

Dustin looked like he would rather eat raw goat brains, and Mike couldn’t blame him. If Dustin was a kid who looked like Jimmy or Troy, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but Dustin was a chubby short kid with a shock of wild curly hair and two missing front teeth. His shirt was black with a picture of a microscope with the words ‘Enjoy the little things’ underneath it, and he was wearing a wide brim hat with Einstein's theory of relativity stamped on it. 

The new kid was a total nerd, and Mike’s heart went out to him. 

“I moved here from Flagstaff. Um that’s a city in Arizona-” Dustin started to mumble, his eyes firmly on his shoes. 

“Wow. We thought it was in Canada,” Troy interrupted with a mean little laugh. 

A twitter went around the class, which was completely stupid in Mike’s opinion. It wasn’t even a funny joke, just something mean to say, and it made Dustin cringed back like he had been physically hit, his shoulder curling inward as he reached up to tug at the brim of his cap. 

“Shut up, Troy,” Mike said without really thinking. He kind of wished he could take it back when Troy’s entire desk clump turned to him with murder in their eyes, but the tiny grateful look Dustin shot up at him made it worth it. Sort of. 

“Boys,” Mrs. Wren droned, calling them both out even though Mike hadn’t done anything but defend Dustin when she should have. She sighed and shook her head, turning back to their newest student, keeping him on the pyre when she could have just let him go free. 

“What was your favorite part of Flagstaff, Dustin?”

“I really liked going hiking with my dad,” Dustin answered, slightly perking up, “There’s this mountain called Humphrey’s Peak by us, it’s the biggest mountain in Arizona and it’s the start of the San Francisco peaks! There’s these lizards there called Gila Monsters, they’re the only venomous lizards in North America, and-” 

Mike was leaning forward, drawn in by curiosity about the strange creatures, but oddly enough Dustin cut himself off with a sudden jolt, going back to his curled up turtle position from before. Their teacher waited for a second more before sighing again and adjusting the papers on her desk. 

“Well, we don’t have much in the way of lizards here in Hawkins, but hopefully your classmates will help you to explore some of the local wildlife. We’re going to have some silent reading time now students, so take out your books. Dustin do you need me to help you pick one?” She asked, finally cutting him loose. 

“No I’m okay,” Dustin said as he scurried to his seat, immediately opening his backpack and digging in it, conveniently not looking up at any of the boys near him. He pulled out a huge book, burying his face in it effectively cutting off any attempt to catch his eye. 

Maybe he just needed another push. Mike was still pretty curious about those monsters. 

“I’m Mike,” He offered. 

“My name is Lucas,” Lucas added, catching what Mike was thinking immediately and following through like always. 

“I’m Will, it’s nice to meet you,” Will rounded off, holding out his hand for Dustin to shake. 

“Hi,” Dustin said shortly, still nestled tightly into his book. 

Mike’s brow furrowed, and he looked away from Dustin to his friends, seeing if they had a plan. Lucas shrugged, and Will turned his face down to where he was secretly doodling under the book their teacher had assigned him. They were both just giving in that easily, which was just not acceptable. 

Not when the prospect of information on a giant lizard was at their fingertips. 

“What are you reading?” Mike tried again, still not willing to admit defeat. 

“Oh this is Blackmoor. It’s a rule book,” Dustin explained, holding the book so they could see the front cover picture of a huge castle on a tall rock and a smaller picture of a wizard. Will was instantly intrigued by the wizard, leaning into Dustin’s space to point at the title above the castle. 

“What’s Dungeons and Dragons?”

It was like a switch flipped. Dustin’s eyes lit up and he put the book flat on the desk so they could see inside, giving them all an eager little grin as he scooted his chair closer to the desks. 

“It’s this super cool thing where you make up characters and adventures and use dice to decide what happens. My character is a bard who has a flute that can put people to sleep and this badass dagger!” Dustin exclaimed, pulling out a notebook so they could see a rudimentary drawing of a man holding a knife and a flute. Mike was sure Will could’ve done a much better version, but it was still pretty awesome. But Dustin wasn’t done, pulling out a tiny figurine and putting it in the middle of their desks. 

“The game has got all these monsters like a mimic that pretends to be a treasure chest and this one is called the demogorgon-”

And then it was just over. Dustin jolted back, snatching his hand back like it had been caught in a cookie jar and pulling his hat practically over his eyes.  

“I mean, it’s just a game,” Dustin murmured, playing with his fingers and tucking his chin to his chest. 

Damn! Again! Now Mike was getting pissed. 

“Why do you keep doing that?” Mike asked, frustrated that twice he had missed out on something fun. 

“What?” Dustin replied, looking confused. 

“Start talking about something cool and then cut yourself off right in the middle,” Lucas explained, already aware of what was annoying Mike. That was why they were best friends- Lucas just always seemed to know what was bugging him, “It’s weird.” 

Weird was apparently the wrong word to use. All of the joy in the air instantly vanished, and Dustin’s shoulders were at his ears. Mike shot Lucas a tiny glare, the two of them having a silent argument as Dustin gathered up the courage to explain. 

“Oh, um…My dad told me that I should try to be quieter if I wanted to make friends,” Dustin whispered, his cheeks beet red as he stammered out the words, “He um- he said it’s uh rude, you know? To not to let other people talk once in a while?” 

Ouch. 

Mike’s chest instantly seized up, and he looked down at his own desk, his copy of Tuck Everlasting staring back up at him. A quick sneak peek up at Lucas and Will revealed that they were doing the same, Will’s lip caught firmly between his teeth and Lucas’s mouth in a thin straight line. 

It wasn’t exactly the same, but all three of them knew what it was like to be told to be quiet. They knew how hard it could be to have everything you love ridiculed or talked down to. Usually it was Troy or Jimmy or some of the other boys in their class doing it though, not their own parents.  

“Tell us about the demogorgon,” Mike declared, speaking for all three. Judging by the looks he was being given not only by Lucas and Will, but also by Dustin, he had said the exact right thing. 

[twobellsilence]

I know people have talked extensively about how Jimmy sees Anya versus how he sees her baby, and this has lead many to theorize that the subject of the last Polle scene is Anya. But I don't think this is the case. Hear me out.

Most of us probably agree it's pretty clear that, in general, Polle is a representation of Jimmy's thoughts on Anya's child. It makes baby noises, it divides and fuses like a zygote, the ultrasound scene is pretty self-explanatory, and it chases Jimmy every single time it appears. Basically, Jimmy sees the baby and the reckoning it represents as this looming, insidious, malevolent presence that follows him at every turn, and it is undeniably INHUMAN. That is not a human child. That is a monstrosity that multiplies and takes over his life until he's cornered and unable to escape it no matter what he does, even when he dooms the crew and causes everyone but Curly and himself to die in a futile attempt to leave it behind. An omnipotent entity following his every move.

It eventually catches up to him. Polle wins, and it looks down on him from this massive mountain of mouthwash bottles, even when Jimmy says it's supposed to be dead. But it doesn't matter that Polle, the Tulpar, the crew, is dead, because EVERYTHING Jimmy wanted and worked for is. Polle has complete power over him here. It even cuts him off when he tries to defend himself with the "our worst moments" quote. It's acting as a bit of a conscience here, but not in support, but as a judge of his actions, just like it had always judged him, stared at him, as he tried to escape in previous unreality sequences. And that's what he always saw the baby as, no? The ultimate consequences of his actions. The ones he ultimately failed to avoid even when the baby was already dead because that was not the only reprehensible thing he did.

I think interpreting this, Polle's last appearance, as a representation of Anya, is giving her too much power over him. It implies that Jimmy feels guilty about her, or at the very least that he thinks about what he did to her, that it gnaws at him. It's implying that She has been the demons chasing him all along, but that's not the case, is it? Earlier I said Jimmy saw the baby as something inhuman. Inhuman, but still something real and with a very tangible presence and consequences that directly contributed to his downwards spiral. Anya, however? Anya is nothing. She never was. She can do nothing to him. Only the baby can, because if the baby exists, it's proof, else it's only a timid woman saying words, and her reasons to speak up could be easily spun against her given her situation. Polle, on the other hand, could do things to Jimmy. It tortured him and chased him relentlessly and tormented him until he lost whatever grip he had left on reality. Hell, it even called him Old Man. Yes, there were other things like his jealousy and disdain towards Curly and his desire to acquire the power he felt like he deserved that drove him to do what he did, but it was the pregnancy that ultimately pushed Jimmy over the edge. Not what he did to Anya - never Anya, she was never even a factor - but the unavoidable result of it.

[chronicallyrabid]

I can’t contain it need to gush about Daisuke’s character and Jimmy’s manipulation of him. Spoilers below!

Daisuke clearly knows he’s seen as a burden, that’s why he chooses to be positive because complaining isn’t an option for him. He’s still so young and should have had so much longer to figure himself out.

No one knows who they want to be at that age, you’ve just been granted the right to autonomy and now you have to figure out what to do with that free choice. You see how easy is to give in to pressure and stress and Daisuke was still to young to see he wasn’t absolved from cracking under pressure.

He just wanted to make someone, anyone, proud. He searched for that in this internship because he couldn’t get it at home, maybe he thought if he just got a job he could find himself. But he was only chasing approval it had nothing to do with what *he* actually wanted to be, he just wanted to feel needed.

And damn it Jimmy saw straight through him. Read him like a book and never planned on going in that vent. He always planned on sacrificing Daisuke just for a shot at getting control over Anya again. He wanted her dead by his hands the fact she didn’t die because of his hands he feels he had no contribution to her death, he didn’t give a fuck if she killed Curly he wanted to kill her himself and her final choice was to be the one controlling her own life for once.

Jimmy didn’t isn’t stupid he’s delusional, he pry knew she was planning something and since he didn’t know he needed to get back in control. Daisuke was so worried when they drugged Swansea, you could tell he regretted it immediately. But Jimmy just used the fact Daisuke is younger and looks to older people for guidance to lie and act like everything is fine. He then tried to turn Daisuke against Swansea when he found the cryopods. Daisuke wanted to hold out hope and clearly getting distressed by Jimmy turning him on someone he pry sees as a father figure.

All that just to turn around and use Swanseas approval to manipulate him into going into the vent. Jimmy knew everything Daisuke wanted to hear and promised he’d hear it if he was ‘brave’ and saved Curly and Anya. Poor guy pry pushed all the way through to the end thinking he had to save them and if hr can just make it a little farther he might make it. Only to see Anya’s dead/dying body and being to injured himself to do anything to help her. One of his final memories was pry how he failed again and how he didn’t save her. I think that’s why he was apologizing so much, he was sorry because he thinks he’s going to die a failure.

And FUCK Jimmy for getting mad at Swansea for ending his pain. They were out of disinfectant, the mouth wash can’t disinfect wounds which Anya pointed out when they first found it saying “the sugar cancels out any disinfectant properties” so all Jimmy did by pouring mouthwash on him was make things work and worsen the wounds more. If Swansea hadn’t mercy killed him Daisuke would have died a horrible long and agonizing death from infection.I will defend Swansea till my very last breath. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Tap Out Job

leverage 2.02

Jack: Somebody drugged his water. It's an old boxing trick. He couldn't defend himself, and... He's still in the hospital.

that’s fucked

- - - - -

Eliot: It's not a cockfight. All right? Let me show you something, Hardison. Come here. Can I borrow you? (puts a gentle hand on Parker’s hip, guiding her to the open space behind the couch) All right. Square up. Remember what I showed you?

(Hardison and Parker square up)

Hardison: Are you...

Eliot: There's three phases to an MMA--to an MMA fight, okay? One, striking. (Parker punches Hardison in the face) Nice. Next is grappling, the takedown. (Parker grabs Hardison and throws him on the floor) Exactly. All right. The third one is jujitsu. Okay, try to isolate a joint. (Parker gets Hardison in a hold) That's good. That's a textbook armbar, Parker. Put some pressure on there.

Parker: Like this?

Eliot: There you go. Or you can go for a choke hold.

Hardison: She got to be choking me. (tries to get away)

Eliot: Remember that thing that I showed you?

Parker: Oh, yeah. The choke.

Eliot: Lock that in. All right. You don't have to hold the arm. See, that's a triangle choke. That's nasty. Puts pressure on his carotid artery, and the guy will submit by tap out.

Hardison (tapping the ground): Eliot, I'm tapping! I'm tapping!

Eliot: These fights are won by inches, I'm telling you.

Hardison: I can't breathe!

Eliot: All about leverage.

Sophie: Yeah, it looks really painful.

Hardison: It is painful!

Nate: No TV deal, you said, huh? Hardison, what are this guy's other interests, this Rucker guy?

Hardison: Seriously, you ask me a question right now...

Sophie: I'll take that. Yeah, rotary club, golf membership.

Nate: Golf, huh?

Hardison: Help me!

Sophie: Yeah. I mean, this guy's like a 1950s sitcom character. He plays a weekly game with the local businessmen. In fact, last year, he won the club championship.

Nate: Did he? Hmm.

Hardison: Let me go!

Nate: I guess it's...

Hardison: She's killing me!

Nate: …it's time to hit the links.

Hardison: I'm cool. Just let me go real quick.

eliot canonically teaches parker how to fight in his spare time and I LOVE THAT

fucking CHAOTIC OT3 + parker is having a great time while hardison is dying

ALSO can we just for a minute appreciate how when she puts him in a chokehold she was wrapping her legs around his neck, which basically had his head in her crotch area and !!! it wasn’t sexualized at al !!! literally A N Y other show would have sexualized it even just a little bit but not leverage. never leverage.

- - - - -

I love it when they fuck with peoples gear (like with the baseballs or hockey pucks or in this instance the golf balls)

- - - - -

parker playing with the golf club covers

- - - - -

literally EVERY con has nate being an asshole (this one was one of the more annoying ones tho)

- - - - -

hi I am but a simple bi and eliot in that grey hoodie was VERY attractive

- - - - -

Room Service: Room service. Can I help you?

Sophie: Yeah, no, I can't eat this. I'm sorry?

Everything on my plate is yellow.

Room Service: It's chicken-fried steak.

Sophie: It's what? Chicken-fried steak?

Room Service: Yes.

Sophie: No, let me just tell you, all right. Meat should never be used as an adjective.

~ a little while late ~

Sophie: I'm starving.

Parker: I found these in the minibar. (throws her a bag)

Sophie: "Pork Rinds"? How do you peel a pig? (throws it back)

- - - - -

Hardison: Got it. See, Online video websites, they track viewer hits by IP Address, so the trick is to just spoof a bunch of IPs, then write a script that lets you browse the video page via the proxy list and...

- - - - -

Sophie: Well, this guy, he just--he give me the creeps.

Eliot: We've gone up against rougher dudes than this before.

Sophie: I know. But it's this whole treating people as commodities. This whole barbaric sport.

Eliot: Hey, don't lump these guys in with Rucker. All right, he's not what the sport's about.

Sophie: Eliot, this "sport" is about two guys beating the crap out of each other.

Eliot: MMA fighters act with more respect than any other athlete I've seen.

Sophie: Yeah, they're "Braveheart," I get it.

Eliot: No, you don't. These guys don't fight because they like hurting other people, all right. They fight to gain some sort of control over their opponents, over their environment, over their lives. Have you seen this town? Huh? The farms are drying up. The only stores are bail bondsmen and pawn shops, and there's nothing they can do about it. So, yeah, they get in the ring and try not to let it all suffocate them. (a beat, he smiles) And it's about two guys beating the crap out of each other. (she smiles back)

- - - - -

eliot is wearing a green flannel in this one and it looks very nice and comfy

- - - - -

Rucker: Well, bottom line is, you need good product. What event are you here to produce?

[Interior Van]

Hardison: On it. There's a tractor pull in grand island, a livestock show in council bluffs, white people doing other white things…

pls keep calling out white people pls we deserve it lmfao

- - - - -

Director (in car looking at his phone): Come on! Come on! Give me something! Come on! Is this gonna take long?

Nate (through window): No. Two shakes. Are you in a hurry?

Director: Even half a bar... what? Yes. Hurry. Does anyone in this backwater hellhole know what that means?

Nate: You're a director, right? What was your name again?

Director: What? It's Laurence. Todd Laurence.

Nate: Todd, well, listen, Mr. Laurence. See, I wrote a script...

Director: Huh?

Nate: Yeah. It's about a limo driver who solves mysteries till his wife leaves him for --

Director: For the love of god!

Nate: ...the best part: The feed store manager. Right? His wife…

Director: Yeah...?

Nate: Tramp...

Director: Hey, hee-haw, move the car! Okay

- - - - -

parker in leather pants, a bright yellow ‘I heart Nebraska’ tshirt and weird hat, eating a corn dog? ,,,a look I guess

- - - - -

Hardison (showing passes): So, I'm Todd Laurence? (girls flock to Hardison) Ladies, please, look. For the last time, I am not the tailback for the cornhuskers. Go! I don't even know what a cornhusker is.

- - - - -

Rucker: And all you need is a product?

Sophie: Well, that's what they are: Products. You get the girls with Trianna, you get the boys with MMA. And there's always another fresh-faced princess ready to go through the singing/dancing mill in Florida. Occasionally, we let one be a lesbian, keeps the press on their toes

- - - - -

Hardison: What? What? W-what was I supposed to do? It was cousin Jimmy.

Sophie: He's right. We couldn't have planned for that.

Hardison: Look, you know what I can do? I can re-task a satellite, I can get a level 3 NSA clearance, but I can't hack a hick

- - - - -

Eliot: All right, it doesn't matter. What do we do now?

Parker: We can move the Howorth.

Eliot: We're not moving the Howorths. All right? This is their home. That means something to people here.

Sophie: Yeah, we can't babysit them forever.

Nate: We've taken out bigger players than this. You know, there's got to be some way, something we can...

Eliot: No, no! I take the dive.

Sophie: You sure?

Hardison: Give me some time, okay? I've found some funny business in Rucker's accounts. I can move some things.

Eliot: Forget the fact that we just got beat by Barney Fife, all right? This is the right move. Tactically it's the right move. You all know that. (walks away)

none of them want to see eliot hurt more than he needs to or see him go down like that and I cry

alec ‘give me five minutes I will do literally anything for eliot’ hardison

- - - - -

Sophie: Hey. Listen, you-you don't have to do this, you know. Nate's gonna come up with something.

Eliot: I'm losing a fight, Sophie. I'm not diving on a grenade. I'll be all right.

Sophie: Yeah, I know. I'm not talking physically.

Eliot: I think my ego can handle it.

Sophie: Look, you told me that it's about control, about knowing that you're never gonna be the victim. And that's what keeps you going, right?

Eliot: You think I'm upset 'cause I got to let this guy kick my ass? I learned a long time ago, you can't control the violence. I can take the punishment. That's what I do. What I need to control is not out there. (touches his chest) It's here. Always.

(Sophie smiles and walks away)

- - - - -

hardison holds eliots face before he fights I never noticed that before

+ eliot’s hair is curly when it’s wet/when he’s sweaty. this means he blowdries his hair on a regular basis. eliot, as a part of taking control of himself and his life after moreau took interest in self care and taking care of his hair in this essay I will-

- - - - -

one thing I love about this is that eliot doesn’t have a six pack (see this commentary I made with a few lovely additions by my mutuals)

- - - - -

Jack: Where's Rucker?

Hardison: Oh, the Iowa State Police just got a tip that a fugitive is headed into their jurisdiction. And I'm pretty sure crossing state lines with a bag full of cash won't look too good.

Parker: Especially when they find the little surprise in his trunk.

[Flashback, Pawn Shop]

Parker: I need guns. (dumping money on counter) $6,000 worth. And one of those.

LMFAO THERE WAS A TUBA TOO

- - - - -

Doctor (examining Eliot): You took a hell of a pounding. We should get you a CT scan. You could have internal bleeding.

Jack: You let yourself get hammered like that on purpose? That's a hell of a lot of punishment to take.

Sophie: That's what he does.

- - - - -

eliot held the rope up for parker to step under when they were getting out of the ring

- - - - -

Sophie (to Parker): Pork rind? They're actually pretty good. (parker shakes her head and rubs her stomach) You sure?

sophie nO

[stardust-walker]

High Hopes: Chapter 18

Previous Chapters:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

word count: 3506

A/N: It’s a mental breakdown *sad off-tune kazoo music*

________________________________________________________

Dove left the area by the little pond feeling more at peace that she had in a while. It seemed like seeing the big bush of Cherokee Roses had lightened Carol's spirits a little bit too as they walked along together. "He really thinks we're gonna find her," Carol whispered as she watched Daryl's back retreating towards the camp ahead of them.

"I guess so. He apologized and everything," Dove shook her head in amazement. "We sure that he didn't get brain damage from that gunshot? He's been acting all nice and shit today. It's weird."

Carol rolled her eyes, "Don't jinx it." Dove let out a short laugh.

"What the hell are they still doin here," Daryl said quietly and drew the attention of the two women forward again. Dove squinted as she saw Andrea walking towards the house. Did they find her?

"Rick's with Hershel, we were supposed to leave a few hours ago," Dove heard Andrea say as they picked up the pace to keep up with Daryl.

"Yeah you were," Daryl called as he announced their arrival. "What the hell you still doin here?"

Carol stepped up beside the redneck as Dove tried to keep her distance from the blonde woman. "Rick told us he was going out," she directed her question towards Andrea.

"Damn it, isn't anyone taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail," Daryl snapped.

"If no one else is taking this seriously, then we'll just go since we're apparently the only ones taking this seriously," Dove jumped in with a sideways glance towards Andrea.

"No, you're not," Carol spoke up again and any retort that her younger sister had was lost as Daryl cut in.

"Here we go," he spoke as he walked past the two women. Everyone's attention was drawn to the figure approaching. It was Shane, Dove noticed. Her eyes quickly locked onto the bag filled with guns. Her heart leapt into her throat as she reached out for her sister. Carol gripped her sister's hand in hers as Shane handed a gun to Daryl.

Dove didn't miss the worried and confused look on Daryl's face as he walked towards them with the others.

"Where's Dale," Andrea inquired.

"Thought we couldn't carry," T-Dog asked.

"He's on his way, and we can and we have to," Shane answered as he turned and held a handgun out to Dove. "C'mon. You with us?"

Dove's eyes flickered quickly from the gun to her sister and then quickly over Shane's shoulder. Her hazel eyes locked with Daryl's blue ones as he seemed to await her response. Dove stood up a little straighter, her grip on Carol's hand tightened. "You know I'm with the group no matter what. But not with this. I won't be a part of it." Shane scoffed and turned his attention to Glenn.

"What about you man, gonna protect yours?" Dove was surprised to see Glenn take the rifle. "Can you shoot?" Shane questioned Maggie.

"Can you stop," Maggie snapped.

The door to the house swung open as Julian stepped onto the porch. "What the hell is going on out here," his brown eyes were wide in confusion as he took in the sight before him. Why the hell did they have all those guns.

"What about you, bud? You seemed ready to defend your home when you wanted gun training. You gonna man up," Shane held a gun out to him.

Julian's eyes narrowed slightly as he descended the steps to stand next to the oldest Greene sister. "You might wanna rethink the decision you're making here," Julian shook his head.

"You do this and my dad will make you leave tonight," Maggie attempted to reason with him.

"What is this," Lori approached finally from around the porch.

Dove's eyes shot to the older brunette. If there was a way to silently communicate to Lori that she needed to try and talk him down, she would be doing it right now. "Hershel's just gotta understand. We're not going anywhere. Okay? He's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right?"

Dove snarled, "Don't even try to make this about her! That's not what this is about."

Lori took that chance to step in. "Rick said no guns! This is not your decision, this is not your call." Dove closed her eyes as she tried to take a deep breath. Her chest felt tight again, but it seemed like today wouldn't stop as a voice spoke from behind them.

"Oh shit," T-Dog shouted.

Dove turned quickly, her hazel eyes opened as she saw Rick coming out of the woods with Hershel and two walkers. Everyone was off.

"See what they're holding onto," Shane shouted as Dove let go of Carol's hand and ran faster.

"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel retorted.

"Shane, just let us do this. Then we can talk," Rick pleaded as Dove came to a stop next to T-Dog.

"These things ain't sick! They're not people," Shane began to rant. "They're dead! Ain't gonna feel nothin for them 'cause all they do, they kill!" Shane paced back and forth like a madman and Dove didn't even realize she was digging her nails into her friend's arm in a panic until he gently pulled her hand away.

"Go back with Carol," T-Dog gave her shoulder a gentle shove backwards and Dove could only stumble back a few steps before an arm wrapped around her shoulder. Dove bit down on the inside of her lip as she began to shake in her sister's arms.

"They're the things that killed Amy! They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us," Shane screamed. "Hey Hershel, let me ask you something. Could a living, breathing person, could they walk away from this?" Shane rambled on before he pulled out his gun and fired three shots into the female walker that Hershel had on a rope.

Carol jumped at the sudden shock of the loud noise and Dove's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "Stop it," Rick shouted.

"That's three rounds in the chest," Shane continued to scream. "Can someone who's alive take that? Why is it still coming?" Shane took more shots. He was just fucking with them now and Dove wanted to scream as he finally stepped forward and took the headshot. "Enough! Risking our lives for a little girl who's gone," Shane yelled as he approached the barn door.

Daryl glanced quickly over his shoulder at this. Carol whimpered as Dove wrapped her arms around her sister and began to stroke her hair with her own shaking hands. Dove wanted to take that gun and shoot Shane for everything he was putting them all through. It was only fear that kept her rooted to the spot.

"Enough living next to a barn full of things that want to kill us! Enough. Rick, it ain't like it was before. Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it," Shane continued his rampage. On the other side of the group, Julian had his hands planted firmly in his curly hair. It was only when Rick started to shout for Hershel to take the snare pole that he stepped forward.

Everyone was beginning to scream. His focus shifted from the snare pole with the walker to Beth. Julian grabbed her shoulder firmly, "Listen to me, you try not to look okay?" His voice was almost pleading, "I know you haven't been out there and haven't seen how bad it is but…." He trailed off as the noises from the barn grew louder; the walkers started to file out and Julian wanted to throw up as he saw some familiar faces in the mix. Out of instinct, he wrapped a protective arm around the younger girl as she began to weep at the sight of her family.

Every gunshot made Dove's stomach turn and Carol jumped. Dove's eyes stayed focused on a spot above the doorway to the barn as she tried to keep herself from panicking too much. Then, just as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. Jimmy was at Beth's side and Julian pulled away, his hands going right back to his hair as he tried to keep the tears that he felt sting his eyes from falling.

Dove's breath caught in her throat as Daryl turned around to face them. She didn't know what to think about anything right now, if anything she wanted an excuse to go run away from the barn now more than ever. She finally released her grip on Carol's arm as she took careful steps forward. In the shocked silence, she heard it. Something else was moving in the barn. She felt her pulse quicken as T-Dog took a few steps back to meet her. "Don't," his voice was barely above a whisper.

It felt like the world started to move in slow motion as a little shoe emerged from the barn, followed by thin legs. Dove heard Daryl's voice from her left side utter a quiet, "No," before she heard Carol.

"Sophia," Carol shouted as she ran forward and that seemed to snap Dove out of her own trance as she made a move to run forward.

T-Dog was a lot stronger than her, but she tried to fight him. "Let me go," Dove beat her fists against her friend's chest as he held her in place. She could see Carol out of the corner of her eye with Daryl, both of them trying to reach the little girl but both of them being stopped. "Let me go," Dove hissed before T-Dog gave her a shake.

"Don't look," his voice shook.

Don't look.

It was those words that seemed to snap her back to reality as she finally registered what was happening. Sophia's eyes were cloudy, her shirt was torn, and the left side of her neck was gone. Sophia was gone. The scream that Dove let out almost didn't sound human as she watched her niece continue to shuffle forward. The sudden noise in the silence made the little girl's dead gaze focus on the brunette woman. Carol continued to sob and Dove could barely see through the tears in her eyes. What she did see, was Sophia's head turn slightly in her direction. Dove felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment and then…

It was over.

A gunshot rang out and Sophia dropped to the ground. Carol began to sob hysterically as Dove felt herself go numb. She clung to T-Dog's arms as her knees gave out and tears began to roll down her face.

~

She didn't remember how she came to be sitting on the ground, but there she was. Dove pulled her knees to her chest as her sister continued to sob. The tears continued to flow freely down the brunette's face, but her eyes didn't leave the spot where Sophia's body lay. The only other thing that she seemed to be able to register was Carol's sobs getting quieter as she ran off towards camp.

Dove's whole body shook as Daryl knelt in front of her. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His eyes seemed to communicate everything he was trying to, especially how sorry he was. Dove nodded her head weakly as she finally averted her gaze from the dead body of her niece. The redneck's hands were surprisingly gentle as he grasped her arm. Dove took a deep breath as she unfolded her arms and held onto the man's arms for support as he pulled her to her feet.

A scream from up by the group of walkers made Dove jump slightly; her hands instinctively gripped Daryl's hand as he tried to move to help the group. "No, please," Dove pleaded feebly. Daryl looked angry as he turned back to look at the brunette. There was something that he saw that made him stay; though he definitely didn't seem happy about it.

"Get her out of here," Rick shouted as most of the group attempted to pull Beth away from the corpse of her mother. Julian ran forward, panic was the only thing driving him. He didn't want to lose anyone else. A scream tore from his throat as he picked up a shovel from the side of the barn and brought it down on Beth's mother's head. It was only then that they were able to pull the blonde girl away. He couldn't tell if the look Maggie shot him was one of gratitude, anger, or both.

~

Julian walked alongside Patricia as Shane followed them up to the house. "You knew that little girl was in that barn and you kept it from us," Shane shouted after them. Julian clenched his jaw as Hershel replied.

"I didn't know," Hershel tried to explain.

"Why was she there," Shane continued to try to interrogate the old man and Julian finally snapped.

The dark haired man turned his head and snapped back at Shane, "Back off, man! Haven't you done enough?"

Shane stared him down and he felt a chill run down his spine as Hershel finally worked up enough energy to speak. "Otis put those people in the barn. Maybe he found her and put her in there before he was killed."

Shane scoffed, "You expect me to believe that? Do I look like an idiot"

Julian narrowed his eyes at the deputy, "He's telling the truth. Otis took care of the barn." He wanted to tell Shane that he didn't look like an idiot, he looked like a maniac; but he didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

"I don't care what you believe," Hershel retorted. Julian put a hand on Hershel's shoulder and attempted to lead him back up the stairs, towards the house, and towards his family while Rick continued to stand in between the two men. "Get him off my land," Hershel shouted at Rick.

"Let me tell you something, man," Shane spoke again as he made a move for Hershel. Julian was just about to jump in between them when Maggie ran down the stairs.

"Don't you touch him," she shouted as she smacked Shane hard. "Haven't you done enough?" That was it. Julian was finally able to lead the old farmer up the stairs.

"I mean it…off my land," Hershel stated calmly.

"Hershel. That's enough," Julian whispered as he gave him a nudge towards the house.

~

Dove watched the whole thing happen from where she sat against the side of the RV. Her hands shook as Dale approached slowly from around the side of the RV. "I'm so sorry," the old man said solemnly as he looked at her for permission to sit. Dove's only response was a feeble nod. "Where's Carol?"

"She's inside," Dove's voice was still thick with tears, though no more fell from her eyes. "I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't say anythin. I don't blame her. It's my fault…"

Dale put a hand on the young woman's shoulder. "Hey. Don't say that."

"Say what? That it's my fault Sophia's dead? Dale, I told her that I would protect her and look what ended up happening," her voice broke as she shook her head. She drew in a deep breath before she spoke again. "Daryl almost got himself killed and that would've been my fault too because he was looking for Sophia and…"

Dale cut her off with a quiet 'hush' before he spoke again. "Sophia isn't your fault. And I think you know that if Daryl died , that wouldn't have been on you either. You don't need to do this to yourself," Dale gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I would say it's going to be okay, but it won't be. Not for a long time. I mean, hell, I still miss my wife like it was yesterday."

Dove sniffled slightly as she ran a hand across her face. She placed her hand on top of the one Dale had placed on her shoulder. "I know…"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is…you're not alone." Dove was grateful for the silence that fell over the next few minutes before she spotted Daryl making his way back up the trail to the RV.

His head hung low as he approached them. Dove's chest felt tight as she waited for him to speak. "We're gonna bury them…all of them. Sophia too." Tears stung Dove's eyes again as she nodded her head. She turned her attention to Dale and a look of understanding passed between them before the old man stood up to help her to her feet.

Words escaped the young woman as she tried to keep herself steady on her feet. Tears filled her hazel eyes as she just stared at the red neck for a moment before she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. A sob left her as she felt Daryl tense up from the unexpected physical contact. A hand patted her back, almost awkwardly before he spoke. "I'm sorry."

~

Dove was sitting by the RV still with Carl and Dale as she waited for the funeral. Daryl hadn't come out of where he sat in the RV with Carol, but she hadn't heard much noise from in there. Dove rose to her feet as she saw Lori approach. Lori placed a hand on Carl's hat. The little boy glanced up at her and Dove managed a weak smile before she nodded at him. "Go with Dale," Lori quietly instructed her son.

It was silent as Dove hesitantly led Lori up the stairs into the RV. "They're ready," Lori lowered her gaze to the ground as she spoke. Dove's eyes were trained on her sister as she leaned against the back of the passenger seat. Her heart sank as she saw Carol shake her head. "Come on," Lori pleaded gently.

"Why," Carol asked.

"Cause that's your little girl," Daryl answered almost instantly.

Carol finally raised her gaze up from the table to the man, "That's not my little girl. That's some other…thing." Carol's voice sounded hollow. Dove bit down on her thumb to keep from letting out a sob as she meekly nodded her head. "My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time I thought…" Carol trailed off for a moment. Lori's gaze stayed on Carol as she reached out and placed a gentle hand on Dove's arm. "She didn't cry herself to sleep. She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back. Sophia died a long time ago."

Dove let out a shaky breath. "Carol…"

Carol just shook her head and continued to stare out the window. Dove didn't know what she felt more of; anger or sadness. Her gaze landed on the flower that was still in the old bottle they had found a few days ago. Her steps were careful as she walked across the RV. She felt Daryl's blue eyes watch her as she pulled the flower from the bottle. "Let's go," she mumbled quietly as Daryl finally hopped down from the counter where he sat.

"I can't believe she did that," Daryl muttered under his breath as the two of them walked towards the gravesite.

"You can't tell people how to grieve," Dove explained simply. As they approached the gravesite, Dove remembered how much she hated funerals. Glenn walked over and gave her a tight hug, followed by T-Dog, and some of the others. Julian approached and extended his condolences with a one armed hug and a mumbled sorry.

The brunette felt safe where she stood in between Lori and Daryl. It wasn't like Otis's funeral. There was no beautiful speeches to be made, it was silent as a graveyard. Dove took a careful step forward and placed the wilted Cherokee Rose on top of Sophia's grave. A quiet sniffle escaped her and she stepped back. She felt surprise instead of fear or anger as she felt a quick, but tight squeeze on her hand from her left side. Dove didn't turn her head, but the gesture was enough. A few seconds passed before the group began to head off in their own directions.

Dove's attention turned to the redneck; she wanted to say something, offer her thanks again for being there and trying, but he was already heading off on his own.

Lori furrowed her eyebrows for a moment before she reached out and placed an arm around the younger woman. "C'mon, sweetie. Let's head back to camp."

Dove didn't have it in her to fight anymore today. She was quiet as she followed the older woman back to her tent. It was early in the day, but all Dove wanted to do was crawl into her sleeping bag and cry. She wasn't even sure if the tears she shed were for Sophia, Carol, or her anger at herself. All she knew was it didn't matter anymore. Sophia was gone and there was no going back from that.

__

@crossbowking​ @momc95​ @chaotic-gary-king-stan​

[ladylesso]

thea gushes over kate's "alex vs the school for good" fanfic

i've reread this fanfic twice before it was finished but now it's finished, therefore i will read this beautiful work of art a third time and i have no regrets because this is the best fanfic in the entire fandom and i love kate so let's go (u never asked for it but here it is @pumpkinpaperweight)

i love how alex's close relationship with her parents, especially tedros, is already established within the first scene

alex is so witty and her mind is so sharp i've missed her so much :')

alex ribbin on tedros and agatha laughin as a sign of encouragement is my favorite thing

chapter 3: hooray for teenage angst

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT TEDROS NAMED HIS DOG CHICKEN THAT IS SUCH A TEDROS THING TO DO

will there be a one shot on the multiple ooty ambassor incidents????? i am Excited

"...and the author of this tale had lost their copy of The School for Good and Evil, and therefore could not remember exactly what the School for Good was meant to look like. They were running entirely off memory, and not doing a bad job, all things considered." KATE AKSKSJDKLFJ

get this: what if the camelot years were just a fever dream and alex vs is canon. what if.

chapter 10: these dogs are still alive for plot devices and comic relief don't @ me

marcy girl chill out

omg dean cromwell vs alex wearing the boys' uniform scene - iconic and sora-approved

oh my god i actually thought sophie stopping thorne was a scene in the actual books instead of in alex vs skdjkdfs

i love kate's adult! sophie - very realistic and in character

chapter 13: HA! GAY!

talib and sora my babies my precious my lovelies

"talib grinned, looking back in the direction of the classroom - sora kept looking at him and missed a step on the stairs" gay

chapter 15: my gran could do better, and she killed a warlock with a cheesecake - I LOVE THE CHAPTER TITLES SO MUCH

alex is so precious why are people being so mean to her :'( sora and i will happily burn them alive

"chaddick and lancelot always smacked her with the butt of the sword to signify a hit, but tedros had tended to sort of half-heartedly shove her off of the mat, unwilling to hurt her" tedros being a good and caring soft dad :')

"alex, what does your dad have?" "low self-esteem?" JESUS ALEX SKDFJLSDJFLJFSLDJ

"alex's temper was utterly uncontrollable, and hort didn't know how he'd forgotten- now it was all rushing back to him in one big, rather traumatic, wave" I'M LAUGHING

omg four year old alex defending her father i'm heart eyes

#i don't like this cromwell bat bring dovey back

"sora's brain was still trying to work out which panic he should prioritise more -the super deadly predators trotting at his feet, or the fact that talib was holding his hand?" Gay

seeing alex cry is like seeing a friend crying - it makes you sad and murderous

"we have been in so many fights.” said alex tiredly. “i wish our author would think of something else. but she won’t, it’s the Trial by Tale next, and that’s all fighting” KATE

chapter 21: EMMA, THEY'RE HOMOSEXUALS

"sora had snatched nadiya’s handkerchief and thrown it to talib like a maid watching her favourite knight" [crying] i would kill a small child for them

sora and alex trying to hide behind each other at the same time is makin me burst into hysterics

oooo sora bout to murder a bitch

sophie acting like an actual dean :')

nadiya's such a queen we stan

june being friends with talib and fondly calling him an idiot is my new religion

alex saying she's the "loser daughter" and me knowing that tedros and agatha are watching her right now hurts. thanks a lot kate

june and thorne???? ship????

omg sora laying it on thick and pretending to be unconscious so talib could carry him sldjsdlkfjdslf

SORA COMPLIMENTING TALIB ON HOW BEAUTIFUL HE LOOKS IN FRONT OF THEIR CLASSMATES

"my darling angel prince" that's Gay "sora fiddled with talib's collar" GAYYYYY

"gentle marital dispute" i adore kate's humor

TALIB PUNCHING THORNE TO PROTECT SORA

"wow,” said sora dreamily.

“he just punched someone in the face, sora,” sighed marcy.

“i’m dying, not blind. that was hot--”

im going to have a heart attack

sora dragging tedros is my new favorite thing

"sora smiled in a very self-satisfied sort of way, almost as if he knew the annoyance he’d caused several hundred miles away" this is sora's true talent

i love how alex breaks the 4th wall

sora: i don't know whether you've noticed, alex, but i can be really rude?

alex: ur not that rude to me

sora: because i thought it might make u cry

:') i love their friendship so much

yes alex! call him out! sora IS emotionally constipated!

omg im curious as to what color alex's fingerglow is

OMG ALEX'S TALENT IS RELATED TO AGATHA'S I LOVE IT

newsflash cromwell! we don't care about ur reputation OR you

alex clutching onto her aunt's arm :'(

awwwwhhh alex w curly hair!! <3

talib is the sweetest boy ever oh my goodness

OH MY GOD HE'S A PISCES OF COURSE KSJFSDJF SOFT BOY

sora is an aquarius HAHA suits him

alex's dramatic entrances are clearly from sophie's influence :')

talib gifting sora roses that's Gay

sora foreshadowing how ros and raiden will get along >:)

sora is a grumpy old man in a 16 year old body but WILL eat his friend's questionably edible birthday cake made for him don’t test him

TALIB AND SORA KISSING QUEEN KATE REALLY DELIVERS

SORA MAKING THE FIRST MOVE I AM SCREECHING I AM GOING TO BITE MY ARM OFF

oh my go d talib don't go ohmygod kate why

OMG ROSALINE POV I'M EXCITED

agatha planning a wrestling match with her and tedros vs cromwell and agatha confirming that the coven have spilled blood over june and will not hesitate to do it again is my favorite thing

if u look closely or if u look at all, ros is clearly a never

tedros: i don't have favorites

agatha: i do. you're my least favorite

tedros: i'm ur husband

agatha: so?

omg alex is tedros' favorite and marcus is agatha's favorite so does that mean ros is sophie's favorite

and now we're in marcus' POV? kate just keeps delivering

omg the famous camelot family scene i've been waiting for is finally coming to fruition

it's official: we stan emi

whenever i hear somebody call agatha the queen of camelot, i get this tight ache of pride in my chest

i love how marcus just looks at his father and tedros knows exactly what he's asking :')

raiden and the twins, marcus and ros? my Body is Ready for ros vs

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE SLAMMING THE DOOR OPEN IN THIS FANFIC KSHFDJFSLJLJ

anemone campaigning for a ranking board that says who has the hots for who is something i can get behind

"there was a brief scuffle whilst both tedros and agatha fought to hug alex at the same time, which she didn't look in the least bothered about" ALEX FAMILY TIME YAY <3

alex introducing agatha, her famous mother, to her roommates is one of my favorite things

"alex stuck her tongue out at her and went back to rifling in her mother's cloak pockets for food" if this isn’t me -

alex being a wingwoman to make her mom sign marcy's copy of the tale of sophie and agatha is my favorite thing #1972934794

talib not recoginizing tedros as the king of camelot but as alex's dad :')

THE COLD SHOULDER SMOULDER

i love how ros could tell how much a fashion piece costs and what material it is just by looking at it

"there was a resounding crash, and another blade caught his, halfway" i love how tedros entered into this chapter kate is such a good writer

im lovin these marcus and ros descriptions

"rosalind and marcus looked at each other, then, slowly, back at jimmy. both of them suddenly looked a lot older than they were. raiden wondered how much damage they could do as a team. probably quite a lot" "raiden resisted the urge to squish marcus's cheeks" ROS VS HERE I COME

sophie rushing bc she senses drama is a big mood

omg i love these camelot year references

"...whilst tedros tried to pretend he hadn't just tried to shove agatha behind him, and awkwardly returned Excalibur to its sheath" his instincts :')

people mentioning that alex is a big sister makes me feel warm inside

the image of tedros braiding rosalind's hair gives me heart eyes

OMG GIN MILLS AND THE GOODS REFERENCE HAHA I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE KATE

im glad they're talking about alex and the reverse mogrification incident! i am also Intrigued

wait i thought ros and marcus were 10 years old? but agatha mentions how ros is 13? did i miss something

alex and hester aunt and niece relationship :')

this unspoken understanding between the pendragons is everything bless u kate

"i love it when Evers act like Nevers," emi told her grandsons from under her tree. “it’s good for the liver.”

EMI KNOWS ROS IS A NEVER SHE CALLED IT

oh alex u sweet darling child of course sora and talib are boyfriends even thorne could see it

this alex and thorne thing? gotta say,,,,,, i see the ship possibilities

SORA YOU EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BUFFOON JUST TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND TALIB OH MY GOD

omg the everboys sitting in the beautification lesson im excited

emma,,,,... darling,,,,.........,,, they're Gay

i support alex's plan to look hot for the snow ball and single-handedly destroy the buffet

i love how tyler and marcy are in the squad now :')

anemone: WHO

talib: i'm not telling u!

anemone: WHICH GIRL

talib: not a - not a. uh, girl

anemone: I RESPECT THAT ALSO

tyler, nadiya, and marcy quietly discussing alex's type LKSDJFLSJFK

sora im bout to body slam u talk to ur bf u idiot donkey don't be like teenage tedros and agatha

"akiyama sora is a dead man," muttered nadiya" i bow to one (1) queen

SORA'S GAY PANIC

chapter 29: fellas is it gay to protect roses from winter damage

"poor thing,” she added as an afterthought. alex was forcibly reminded of her aunt’s 100% Evil status"

i love these scenes with sophie <3

"er. it's okay, professor," said sora's mouth. alex for the love of christ help me you useless git, said sora's eyes"

FINALLY SORA YOUR TWO BRAIN CELLS KISSED AND EXPERIENCED COMMON SENSE

alex saying marcy has horrible taste in men but swearing to take tyler's kidneys if he doesn't go for marcy - true friendship

AWWWWHHHHHH ALEX CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR THE EVERGIRLS WHO DON'T WANT DATES TO GO TO THE SNOW BALL WITH ANEMONE <333333

anemone just said the f word is this legal

the amount of times i've screamed over sora nd talib is too much to count - sometimes in excitement and sometimes in pain

"he was cut off when talib seized his collar and kissed him, much harder than sora had kissed him the first time" my lungs are exploding

ANEMONE IS ME I AM ANEMONE

"sora exercised all the curse words he knew in her native language. alex grinned. "you sound like ros. except ros knows more words" oh??????????

i've smiled more reading chapter 29 than i have this whole year

sora: weren't u listening to the announcement yesterday

alex: who was doing the announcing?

sora: pollux

alex: nope

love that tedros deemed his wedding outfit a Sacred Object

i love how tedros and rosalind bond over fashion

alex has a daily ritual of high-fiving the statue of king arthur, her grandfather. i love her.

omg tedros adopting a pseudo father figure role over tyler love that

i said love so many times but i can't help it this fic is just too good

it's official: sora is alex's partner in crime

so just to catch up, the squad consists of alex, nadiya, sora, talib, tyler, marcy, and june - and out of this chaos rises a mom friend: nadi

i never knew how much i wanted to see the teachers gossiping until i got it

of course agatha never hired a nanny for her children she loves them too much to ever not raise them herself >:((((((

magazine with a pic of talib: major hottie alert!

sora: finally, some high-end journalism

kate ur mind is amazing

omg i love this curses! the musical plot point im excited

ros? as the queen of camelot? Sign Me Up

SORA ND ALEX WROTE THE SCRIPT KSJFSDLJFSLD HERE WE GO

alex is drawing a six pack on her stomach with a pen to prepare for her role as tedros somebody please help me my lungs have ruptured 

title reference on a crop top!! impressive!!

"MORE PANACHE !" sophie bellowed at the stage" did soman write this or did u kate

is marcus on the autism spectrum???? it would be great if he was

"alex said a quick prayer to rosalind, patron saint of spinning half-truths to people and getting away with it"

im grinning so hard at agatha possibly dying of laughter during alex's rendition of curses! the musical

"tedros made a sound like an animal in pain and sank down so low in his seat that he was barely visible. agatha burst into hysterical cackles, reminding ros, not for the first time, that she had been raised by an actual witch" "'tedros' and 'hort' had a rap battle that ended up getting too personal and devolved into a fistfight" AGATHA AND I ARE BOTH GOING TO DIE

"she turned around, saw tedros stood behind her, and screamed. tedros held up the programme, open on the page which said rewritten by akiyama sora and alex pendragon. alex screamed louder."

i adore the news' headlines

what's on the school master's mind??????????

omg is it about marcus and ros??

YES IT IS SKFDSJFL

chinhae is ros' friend and both of their names were circled in red bc the school master has a plan for them. whoaaaaaa

"slowly, she turned back to look up at the school master's tower. and got the distinct feeling someone was meeting her gaze" chills

finished 1:06 AM june 14, 2020

[averyonelovesjack]

secret santa ~ jonah marais

requested: yes

HI darling I know your busy and it's no rush but I really love your writing and I thought this would be cute for the holidays. You can do any of the boys but I was thinking Jonah. If you could write about the reader being friends with the boys and doing a secret Santa. The the boy she likes (he likes her back but she doesn't know) gets her and knows exactly what to get her, like something she really wanted and then they talk and get together after they exchange gifts, sorry that's confusing Ily❤

summary: when getting the guy she’s in love with for secret santa, y/n struggles to find an idea for a gift. skip to secret santa and this guy has gotten her the present that she wanted most. 

warning(s): cursing (maybe)

word count: 2044

author’s note: thank you you’re so sweet! i love this idea and enjoyed working on it. hope you love it:)) also i was very far in before i realized that this was that he gets her and not they get each other, so i hope it’s not too cliche that they both got each other (does that count as a spoiler?)

My fingertips trailed over the small piece of paper that was folded oh so neatly as i watched the other boys run around the room, trying to hide who they’d gotten from each other. A smile appeared on my face as i looked towards my personal favorite (although i’d never admit that aloud) stood calmly in the corner of the room, opening his little slip with a smile. The other boys were loud and chased each other, trying to sneak a peak at each other’s paper in attempt to figure out what each person had them. Jonah however, just stood there quietly, content with who he’d gotten and i could practically see that he was thinking about the things he’d get for whoever his person was.

As I got into a safe place, I took a seat at the table, opening the little piece of paper. My heart skipped a beat when i read the sloppily, but neater than most, writing that said jonah. I tried my best to keep a poker face, sure that someone would catch on after i’d given him the present if i smiled widely. jack came up behind me and started to say something before i covered his mouth and quickly threatened into his ear, “say something and i swear to god you won’t live long enough to get a damn present” 

jonah laughed at my words as i blushed, “this is why we keep you around, y/n” 

i bit hard on the inside of my lip, smiling at the boy sheepishly as i removed my hand from jack’s mouth and the curly haired boy stared at me with a look of fear. throughout this past year, i’d grown very fond of these boys. after meeting jonah through a small accident where he’d accidentally spilled coffee on my shirt, he’d introduced me to these boys. we’d all grown close to each other due to my ability to bond to each of them in different ways.

with jack, i had a similar sense of humor. we could spend hours together and be laughing the entire time. zach and i bonded purely over the fact that we both god red very easily. he always had rosy cheeks and jonah took quick notice to my constant blushing. this led for many jokes to be targeted towards us and we took comfort in the fact that we were together in that. corbyn and i were very close in a sibling relationship. he’d look after me and i’d look after him. very protective, he was, but always in the best way. daniel liked to play guitar for me when i would sing with him. it was rare that i’d sing, since i never felt like i had the ability to go places with my voice, but danny brought me out of my shell and would play and sing with me ever since the beginning.

and then there was jonah. he and i bonded over our shared love for coffee and coffee shops. we’d very easily gotten along and he was the sweetest thing in the entire world. even if he’d always just been my best friend, he treated me like a queen and put me before him. we could always be together and never get sick of each other.

despite my very high quality relationships with these boys, it was honestly an amazing surprise to be included in a secret santa with them. i’d suggested it jokingly weeks before, but today i showed up and jonah was very prepared to do it with my suggestion. 

now i’m stuck getting a kick ass gift for the boy i was in love with, without making it seem like i was in love with him.

I pounded my fists on the door of the house, getting over the nerves that had traveled through my body all week. It was too late to regret the present i’d finally decided on and at the end of the day, jonah either likes it or he doesn’t. And there was no way for me to truly know how he felt about it. 

A smiley Corbyn opened the door and i walked in to find a bunch of bags lined up on the table. They were all pretty large so it was almost difficult to fit my equally large one up there. Jack was sitting on the couch, eating some cereal when i walked into the living room. Zach was scrolling through something on his phone and Jonah was sipping his damn coffee mug. I found some comfort in that, for an odd reason.

“y/n’s here!!!” Zach yelled loudly, making me wince with the extremities of the noises coming from most of the boys as i hugged them. I sat down in between Daniel and Jonah, resting my head on Daniel’s shoulder tiredly.

“y/n the day has just begun. you cannot possibly be tired yet” danny informed me and i let out a muffled chuckle.

i disagreed, “i’m exhausted” 

Jonah motioned for me to take a sip of his coffee as i stared at him, “here have some. it’ll wake you up” 

i playfully rolled my eyes, taking a sip of the beautifully blended coffee and handing the mug back to him, “thanks” 

“want me to get you some?” he asks, “there’s a little left i think” 

“no, it’s fine. thank you though” i smiled a little bit. 

corbyn walked into the room a few moments later, all the bags basically covering him as he passed them out to each deserving person. we hadn’t any idea who’d gotten us yet.

before opening my own present, i watched jonah open his. it wasn’t one specific thing that i’d gotten him. it was an assortment of things that connected the two of us: coffee. i bought him several different kinds that i previously knew he loved, as well as two new mugs that were cute and funny, and then a fifty dollar starbucks giftcard. it was a little over the price limit, but that didn’t matter to me. it was the fact that he would like it, maybe, and that it had to do with the way we’d met originally.

i watched as jonah’s eyes lit up, his hands lifting each gift out of the bag and i giggled as he took the items, looking around the room for the giver, “holy shit. who had me?” 

a smile appeared on my face as i raised my hand a little bit and he slid over, wrapping his arms around my body sloppily.

“god, you know me so well y/n” he told me which made my heart flutter. i looked at him with a smile and then he looked at me as if to tell me to look down at my bag and see what was inside.

i reached into the bag, pulling out two things. my eyes blinked several times, trying to determine if this moment was real or not. my fingers traced over the lettering on the back of the jersey and i couldn’t even think in that moment. had one of these boys spent their own money on a new york rangers jersey, specifically a jimmy vesey jersey? had they really known me well enough to see that even though i’d never ask for it, that i’d wanted a jersey for the boy i’d been fond of since his rookie season last year? and on top of that, there was an adorable pair of fuzzy slippers on the bottom of the bag.

“who the fuck got me a jersey?” i room was filled with voices as everyone tried to determine who’d gotten them what they wanted.

“do you like it?” i heard the nervousness in Jonah’s voice as i turned breathlessly to face him.

i couldn’t even do anything but tackle him, pulling his body close to mine, “how the hell did you know?” 

jonah laughed a little bit after i’d whispered that into his ear and he spoke as we separated, “i know how much you love him. it just seemed like something you’d like” 

“jonah, these jerseys are way over the budget” i told him, “these are fucking expensive” 

“well i don’t mind spending a little extra on you, y/n” he smiled a little bit as i shook my head in disbelief. had this boy really spend nearly $200 on a jersey for me?

“you are the absolute best” i hugged him again and he chuckled.

“i mean, you got me like a million freaking things”Jonah smiled, looking at me. 

“yeah but they were small things” i defended.

“still good things though” he reminded, “and it refers to our relationship” 

“built primarily on coffee” we chime at the same time, letting laughs leave our mouths.

My entire body was filled with exhaustion as I grabbed my bag from the table in the dining room, ready to leave the house after a long day. It was a nice day, without a doubt, but tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I have many gifts to wrap still which means that I need some time.

“don’t go yet,” Jack’s voice rang through the house as I fed him a smile. 

I couldn’t help but playfully roll my eyes, “i’ll see you guys tomorrow” 

“why don’t you ever just stay here?” Daniel asks, “you literally go home to come back here in like eight hours” 

I giggle, “well then i’d have to find somewhere to wrap your presents” 

“have fun at home!” Zach’s voice was full of excitement as he realized what was in it for him with me going home, “see you tomorrow” 

“see you guys tomorrow” I waved and as I turned around I felt a hand on the small of my back, guiding me.

“i’ll walk you out” 

i smiled up at Jonah and opened the door, letting him follow me out until we’d reached my car that sat in the top of the driveway, shining under the outdoor lights that Jonah had installed primarily since it was always dark when I left.

“thank you again for the present,” i smiled at Jonah, turning so that i was facing him before i even opened the door to my car.

“it’s no problem, seriously,” He told me, “i’m glad it as something that you liked”

I nodded my head, “it feels good knowing that someone can know me well enough to get me something that i didn’t even ask for and nail it. i don’t know if that makes sense”

i blushed but jonah chuckled, understanding, “it does,” he looked at me and after a moment of silence, “hey, before you go i’ve got a question” 

“shoot,” i fluttered my eyelashes up at him.

he took in a deep and unsteady breath, “i guess, it’s harder to plan than to actually say it,” i laughed with him a little bit as he tried again, “what i’m trying to say, i guess, is that i’ve liked you for a while now and i kept shying away from telling you” 

i couldn’t stop my mind from racing with happiness as i gave him a sly smirk, “and the question is?” 

“can we do something about it?” he came up with, understanding in that moment that he hadn’t need any fear about what this would end as. It may not have been clear before, but Jonah was someone that I really, really liked and i’d do everything to be with him.

I stood on my toes, grabbing his face with my two hands, placing a sweet kiss on his soft lips. His arms snaked around my waist, supporting my back as I reached towards his very tall body. Before we released, i couldn’t help but smile. I stared at him with love visible in my eyes, “let’s” 

“i’d like to take you out on a date,” Jonah informs me.

I gave him another blush and a smile, “i’d like to take you up on that request” 

he let out a quiet laugh at my mocking response, kissing my lips one final time before allowing me to get into my car and wave. I backed out of the driveway with a smile on my face, very excited about seeing him again tomorrow. 

[fanfictionbeginagain]

Chapter Twenty-Two

As April rolled around I became far more focused on fashion than I ever had been before.

Richard had been invited to the season seven premier of Game of Thrones and he wanted me and Robb to come with him. Knowing how much that would mean to Robb I had instantly agreed without really thinking much about the implications to me.

But then I realized that it would be the first time Richard and myself were stepping out as a couple together. And not only that, we were doing it on the red carpet, so I had to look amazing in front of all those photographers.

“I’ve got no idea what to wear.” I fretted as I sat flicking through the I-Pad.

Beezus was a big help in helping me choose my outfit as she had already chosen hers being that she too was invited to the premier. Bree was also a big help because she had been to a few red carpet events and knew how to accessorize.

“You’ve got great legs. You need to show them off.” Said Beezus, “Kit’s always telling me to wear shorter dresses and my legs aren’t nearly as great as yours.”

With that in mind I had chosen a dress from the satinee collection, it was a black strapless little number with a pink floral design. That had been the easy part, now I had find shoes and jewellery to go with it.

Bree helped me choose the shoes, a pair of Jimmy Choo Anouk Mesh and Lace Pumps that were flesh coloured with a floral design on them. I thought they matched the dress and Bree told me that they would make my legs look longer.

The jewellery had been an absolute disaster. When I had seen the prices of what jewellery was on offer, I had nearly a heart attack at the mere thought of wearing any of it. So Bree had taken the I-Pad and chosen for me.

“Alright, so I chose a pair of Hanut Singh earrings called ‘the tree of life’ they’ll match your dress.” She told me, “And because you need some bling-bling I got you an eighteen karat gold pink lotus diamond ring.”

“Just don’t tell me how much it cost.” I said simply, unable to take the thought of wearing something that cost more than twenty dollars, like the rest of my jewellery.

                                                          …

The 23rd of April rolled around and Bee and myself spent the day getting manicures in preparation of the event that night.

“Are you nervous?” she asked as we sat there having our feet scrubbed.

“A little.” I told her “I’m a little concerned about people taking pictures of me. I hope I look good.”

“Don’t worry, they hardly even notice us. Its all about the stars.” She told me.

“I’m also a little nervous about how Robb will behave.” I revealed.

“He’s a great kid. I’m sure he will be fine.” She assured me.

She had a point. I was going to be able to keep a close eye on him most of the night but when we were going to be surrounded by other beloved Game of Thrones actors I knew he would be on his best behaviour as he would be too enamoured by the cast to cause much trouble.

“But this is a pretty big step for the two of you.” She observed, “Stepping out together as a couple. Have you talked about it?”

“Most of the tabloids already know about me. I’ve been photographed with him enough.” I revealed, “But after the fiasco with his friends last month I was pretty surprised he wanted me to come with him to this thing.”

“I think he wants everyone to see what a great girlfriend he’s got.” Said Beezus seriously, “I mean, that was why Kit wanted me to come to events with him. So he could show off how great he thought I was.” She said with a roll of her eyes.

I smiled, when she said it that way, I felt a lot better about the whole situation.

That afternoon Richard came to my house, the three of us would ride to the event together. I left him in charge of getting Robb into his little suit while I locked myself in the bathroom to get ready. I decided to do my own hair and make-up. I kept it all minimal with a pale shade of lipstick that matched not only my fingernails but my dress as well. I curled the ends of my hair and left it down. Then before I knew it I was ready to go.

“Alright.” I announced as I stepped out into the lounge room, my long legs and bare shoulders on display as I stood wearing my outfit for the premier, “What do you think?” I asked curiously.

Richard didn’t say anything as he stood there looking absolutely amazing in a dark suit. His eyes trailed over my body slowly with a small smile gracing his lips that got bigger the moment he saw my face, “You look perfect.” He told me.

I smiled in response, the sincerity in his voice left no room for doubt.

It was then I caught sight of Robb and I realized he and Richard looked absolutely identical in their little suits. All the nervous butterflies I had disappeared as I burst out laughing.

“What?” asked Robb.

“You look like mini-me.” I giggled.

Richard turned to Robb and smiled, “He looks sharp!” he defended.

He did. But everything from the way he wore the suit to his curly hair resembled Richard and it made me giggle.

“Come on. The car is here.” Said Richard, holding his hand out for me to take.

Ignoring the heavy rock on my finger, I placed my hand in his and we all headed out to the limo.

Robb of course crawled all around the limo and I let him as I sat with watching him play.

Richard rubbed small reassuring circles on the back of my hand as we sat together. I kept waiting for the nerves to kick back in but they didn’t. Not until we got to the event and I saw just how many people were there.

“Wow!” I marvelled as I stared out the window, “Are they all reporters?” I asked as my stomach clenched in fear.

“No, most of them are fans.” He explained.

I breathed a breath of relief, well that was something. But Bee’s words echoed in my mind; no one would be bothering about me, it was all about Richard and the other stars.

The cheers of the crowd were slightly dulled as we sat in the limp, but as soon as the door opened they all became much louder, especially when Richard stepped out of the limo onto the carpet.

He gave the crowd a quick wave before he held his hand out for me to take. I looked over at Robb who didn’t seem bothered in the slightest about the crowd or the reporters and I decided I could not have less courage than a six-year-old.

Placing my hand in his, I planted my foot on the ground and stepped out of the limo. Robb following shortly after me, his hand holding mine.

I was not prepared for just how many cameras were pointed in my direction, how many of them flashed and how they were all seeming to try and get my attention at once, I had no idea where to look! There were so many cameras!

As if sensing my confusion, Richard gave my hand a light tug and we began to walk down the red carpet. Robb followed after me, peering around with interest and smiling at everyone in the crowd.

How was he so unaffected by all this? How on earth was he so calm? Did the sheer magnitude of what was happening not bother him or did he just not understand?

Coming to stand in front of a large ‘Game of Thrones’ poster, Richard pulled me to his side and the camera’s went bananas snapping pictures of us.

Robb stood with us for a moment before he spotted Kit. I thought I heard him cry his name, though I couldn’t hear him over the roar of the crowd and he let go of my hand to run over to the man in question who pulled him in for a hug as he approached.

I kept an eye on him out of the corner of my eye as the photographers continued to snap pictures of Richard and myself together. My smile was rather forced as I felt blinded by the flashing lights.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, pressing his lips to my ear. He spoke so lowly I almost missed it.

I nodded, unsure if I could speak.

Suddenly Robb ran over and looked up at Richard, throwing his arms up in the air. He didn’t hesitate to bend down and lift Robb up, holding him to his side with one hand, his other wrapped around my back.

I laughed and the camera’s flashed at double the speed. Apparently they liked the little family portrait we were creating.

“Mum!” called Robb, “Its Brianne of Tarth!” he said excitedly, “Can we go see her?” he asked.

“Alright.” I said.

Richard placed Robb back on the floor and he immediately grabbed my hand and pulled me along the carpet to the incredibly tall women that was Gwendolyn Christie.

Robb had absolutely no problem introducing himself not onto to Gwendolyn Christie but to Peter Dinkalage, Lena Heady and everyone else on the carpet. All of whom seemed to know about him already.

“Where’s Richard?” he asked once he had finished talking to Maisie Williams.

“Over there.” I said, pointing to Richard who was a little way down the carpet talking to a reporter.

“Can I go see him?” he asked.

“I don’t think you should interrupt him while he’s talking to someone, just wait a little while Bud.” I told him.

And wait he did, quite patiently. I kept a firm hold on his hand, watching as Richard gave the interview. I desperately tried to ignore the pictures I could feel being snapped of me.

The moment Richard finished his interview he turned to look at me with a smile. I smiled in response and as he came over to me he leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on my cheek, causing me to blush and the camera’s to go wild.

“You ready to head inside?” he asked.

“Yes!” replied Robb.

I couldn’t help but agree. I was tired of the reporters calling out things and I was getting a little tired of all the camera flashes; there was just too many of them.

Along with the rest of the cast the three of us headed into a theatre to watch the first episode of season seven.

Apparently Richard and all the other characters that had died had been invited to the premier because they all featured in a flashback in the first episode with Bran.

I had no idea when there were parts unsuitable for Robb but Richard did and promptly leaned over and covered his eyes when there was a scary part for which I smiled at him gratefully.

It still amazed me at how easily he had slipped into the father figure role for Robb and how seriously he took his duties as that figure. Even though he was not Robb’s real father it was hard to tell sometimes when the two of them looked so much alike and Robb was picking up more and more mannerisms of Richards.

I thought after the episode airing the night would be over, but apparently there was still the after-party to attend.

“Don’t worry.” Richard assured me, “We won’t stay too long. I don’t want to keep Robb out too late.”

I blinked in shock, that was supposed to be my concern yet Richard had thought of it and taken it into consideration like it was second nature.

The after-party consisted of Robb dragging Richard by the hand all around the room so he could meet the various actors from Game of Thrones. I stood in the corner with Beezus watching in silent awe how Richard never tired in introducing Robb to his heroes, his smile was firmly in place the whole night.

“So things between you and Richard are going well?” asked Beezus conversationally.

“What makes you say that?” I asked as I turned to look at her.

“The way you’ve been looking at him all night. It looks like you love him.” She commented.

“I love how he is with my son.” I corrected.

“Of course. But do you love him?” she asked curiously.

I thought about her question before I answered; did I love Richard?

I loved how he was with Robb. I loved the sense of stability and dependability he brought into not only my sons life but my own. I loved who Richard was as a person, how thoughtful and kind he was. I loved the way he made me feel…

Did that mean I loved him?

The question kept me occupied long into the night. Even when Richard placed Robb in his bed as he had fallen asleep on the car ride back to our house. As I stood in the doorway to his bedroom, leaning against the doorframe, I was pensive.

“You ok?” asked Richard as he slowly shut the door behind him.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked as I looked up at him.

“You’ve just been really quite.” He observed.

“Just thinking.” I said as I leaned against the wall.

“About?” he probed.

It occurred to me that I could lie. But I thought I should be honest, that way I could get his opinion on what I had been thinking about.

“You.” I said honestly as I stared straight into his beautiful blue eyes.

“I’ve been thinking about you too.” He grinned as he quickly closed the distance between us, placing his hands either side of my head on the wall, “I’ve been thinking about how great you look in that dress…” he said, his eyes trailing down my body suggestively.

I smiled at the innuendo behind his words. Of course he would be thinking that.

“I thought about how particularly great your legs look and that you should show them more.” He said as he stared at me, a small grin teasing at his lips, “Normally you have them hidden in jeans or one of your long skirts. I like it when I can see them.” He said.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I replied, attempting and failing to hide my grin. Although I was not a superficial person, it was nice to know the effort I had put into my appearance had been noticed. It was nice to know that Richard thought I looked good.

Taking one of his hands off the wall beside my head, he came to cup the side of my face, his fingers threading through my hair as he did. I had just enough time to flutter my eyes closed before he pressed his lips to mine.

His body pressed into mine as I felt his fingers tighten their grip in my hair. As his tongue traced my bottom lip I knew he was wanting to press things further, I could feel his wanting in the way he held me, how taunt his jaw was and the insistence of his kiss. But as always, he restrained himself and was the perfect gentleman as he pulled back to look at me, “what were you thinking about?” he asked curiously.

“It’s nothing.” I dismissed, looking away as I refused to meet his eye.

“Hey,” he began as his thumb stroked soothing patterns of my cheek, encouraging me to look at him once more, “You can tell me.”

I made the mistake of looking up into his beautiful blue eyes and I was lost. His eyes were just so blue, they were calming but at the same time seemed to shoot an electric current through me and I wondered how anyone could not be in love with a man like him. A kind, considerate, respectable and decent man…

“I think,” I began, my voice coming out smaller than I intended, “I might be falling in love with you.”

If watching romantic comedies had taught me anything it was that men were supposed to look scared, then run when a girl told them that they loved them. But Richard did neither of those things. Instead he smiled a breath takingly handsome smile that infected me with such happiness that I was still smiling when he pressed his lips excitedly to mine.

It didn’t matter to me that he hadn’t said anything about how he felt about me. It was enough for me to just have him acknowledge my feelings and not be scared by them, because they scared me.

He kiss was tender and loving and I felt as if my insides were melting as we stood kissing one another for the longest time before he eventually broke away, “Its late. I guess I should get going.” He sighed.

It occurred to me then that I could let him stay the night, but where would he sleep? It seemed silly for him to sleep in the spare bedroom. But the thought of him sleeping with me made my stomach clench in fear, though it was not the crippling fear that I normally had when I thought of intimacy, it was more of a nervous flutter.

“Yeah you should.” I eventually said.

I walked him to the door and said goodnight before I closed the door. I felt as if I was floating as I pressed my back against the door; yes, I was definitely falling in love with Richard Madden and as scary as that was, I decided not to dwell on that and just enjoy it.