#csa implied /

[geneticautist]

Hi guys, free me

[it-never-gets-better]

MY BODY TURNED INTO A CORPSE WHEN YOU TOUCHED IT VIOLENTLY.

[altschmerzes]

watching 3x06 of ted lasso again for reasons and i just. like. forgot how directly and blatantly Fucked Up jamie was while telling the story about the first time he went to amsterdam. i sometimes wonder if i overplayed it in my head - not the fucked up-ness of the story itself but jamie's actual behaviour in the moment. but no. no, he was having a really hard time saying all of that, it was clearly having a serious affect on him. 'must have been traumatizing' [...] 'nah, not really. ...dunno. i don't remember.' yeah bud i think the answer is pretty fucking clear on whether it was traumatizing or not.

[hey-hamlet]

--

Overhaul crouched down, tilting his face up with a single gloved hand.

“I could remake you, you know.” His voice was soft, silk over steel.

“Would it be a mercy, to have a body once more untouched, to be clean again? Or would it just hurt more when you got forced back into the muck where you belonged?”

---

dont praise the all mighty: blindspot

[crimeronan]

God. Luz finally working up the courage to tell Hunter he's a Grimwalker only to introduce the subject as "Okay. The bad thing that Belos told me about a while ago. It has something to do with you, and I think you should know what it is." Hunter's mind immediately goes to awful no-good bad places such as "Things that were meant to be kept in the non-Luz family specifically" and then Luz just says it's that he's a Grimwalker and Hunter lets out the BIGGEST SIGH OF RELIEF EVER. To which Luz is ???

:(((

kiddos....

i can imagine hunter probing luz for information on what a grimwalker is & luz explains the clone thing & hunter is like "oh. am i.... real....?"

and luz is like. OF COURSE you are. of course you're real of course you are. you're hunter you think and feel and love just like any other witch. you're my hunter you've always been my hunter

and hunter is like. well all right. then why would i... care...?

luz, getting increasingly upset: you weren't the only one. he kept learning more and more about how to make you all closer to what he wanted and i kept messing up-

hunter: oh. huh.

luz: what do you mean, 'huh'??

hunter: ....that actually explains a lot.

luz: i'm so sorry, i-

hunter: what?? no no luz this isn't your fault. i don't care about any of this. you think it matters to me?? all i've ever cared about is making sure YOU'RE not what he wanted. i don't Care what happens to me. as long as he left you alone. you know that. i can be anyone, i can be anything. it's Okay, luz. as long as i can keep you safe

luz: but i have to keep you safe too. i have to keep you safe too, you're family-

hunter: --and you did. you already did. he's gone, luz. he's never going to touch either of us ever again. YOU did that for me. it's OKAY.

& then luz grabs onto him and just. cries into his shoulder for a while.

[teekays]

….speak on mt19 & his dad dare you

okay i need to be extremely crystal clear here when i say this is NOT!! something i think is based in any sort of reality, it's less speculation and more Something i think would be interesting to explore via the lens of this character. not trying to analyze and interpret any real events! just an interesting fictional thing! with that being said! im gonna put this under a cut because its A Lot--

i think there is not enough fic about players that examines the way hockey is cyclical, passed down through families the exact same way that abuse is, and the way it works the exact same way a lot of families do when abuse happens, closing ranks to protect their own, turning things into open secrets but never holding anyone accountable... and i think the tkachuks are a really interesting group to explore that through because keith is one of those guys who's like. he has no illusions about the way hockey works-- he played a kind of body-on-the-line, rough, thoroughly obnoxious hockey that his sons play now, and he's obviously proud of that, and yet... there's some obvious tension and discomfort there, a grappling with that legacy on matthew's part without the kind of words to actually describe that process, and i just think there is a LOT of room for some Narratives there... if you catch my drift. i also find it really interesting that he talked about matthew setting boundaries with him because that feels so unheard of, but the way he talked about it was so.... dismissive. which is another thing that ties into all of this, the way your body becomes Not Yours through hockey the way it often feels like Not Yours after abuse... what is getting up to play with a broken sternum even though you can barely dress yourself if not having to go about your business even though you were just profoundly harmed because It's What Your Dad Said Had To Happen..... yknow? there's a quote from The Incest Diaries about how the author, after years and years of horrific abuse and despite her all consuming hatred for her father and what he's done, still wants him to think she's sexy and clever, still wants him to Want her (i think it's in the service bell tag actually lol-- another can of worms) and like. HOCKEYCORE! so much of hockey is about doing the daddy dance and mt19 is doing the daddy dance for a man who could not care less about him more than anyone else, i think. roman roy you would've loved matthew tkachuk

[stheresya]

*scenes of brother on brother torture* I've always loved the way they loved ❤️‍🩹

[ghxst-system]

My "mother" told me that the abuse her best friend [And soon her boyfriend and son] enacted on me never affected me

She said that what I experienced meant nothing because she never saw how it affected me

I shut those parts of me down and made myself forget them.

Her *Best Friend* did unspeakable things to me yet somehow it's my fault that her friendship with that woman crumbled.

I am not at fault for having my childhood stolen by them

[infinite-trauma]

i can feel their hands on me

touching

laughing as they exhibitionize me for their perverted enjoyment

i feel weird inside

please stop i'm just a kid please

[it-never-gets-better]

NO ONE GETS IT. NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS LIVING IN THIS BODY.

[oopsallsyscourse]

This post is going to be very trauma focused and will be discussing in system littles and consent when it comes to sexual acts. If this is a trigger or just too uncomfortable to read, feel free to pass on this one.

Ok, take two. About a month ago, we received an ask in response to this post.

So the ask went something like this?

"Feel free to delete this, but how can littles consent? Isn't it weird for someone to be attracted to a child part? How can they communicate their needs properly?"

Full disclaimer, not every little can and should consent. It's up the individual system whether it is a safe and healthy option for them.

Ok, answer time now.

Hi, I'm Peter. I have a small subsystem with me and a little, which I consider part of me. That little regularly engages in sexual acts with our partner system. This has been an increasingly healing process for dealing with trauma. We, as a system, have decided this is healthier for our system as a whole, as well as our little.

Now, how did we determine if this specific little could consent? Well, first, do they know what sex is? Because you can't consent to something you don't fully understand. Unfortunately, this particular little has sexual trauma, and because of that, he knows what it is. Next, would said little be negatively impacted by participating in sexual acts? Not all littles who hold sexual trauma should be participating. It can be a form of self-harm and reenacting trauma. From there, we had to determine if this particular little would benefit from this. Would it help process trauma and work towards general healing; for this little and the system as a whole. And for us, all of these were true.

Now, to the real meat of the discussion. "Isn't it weird to be attracted to a child part?"

Number 1, you have to remember that littles are not actual children. My partner isn’t attracted to a child; the attraction is physical to my body and to that parts personality, which isn’t that of a literal child.

Question number 2, "How would they communicate their needs properly?"

Easy. Communication. Again, littles are not actual children. Some can communicate just as well as any adult part. Others may need another system member to communicate their needs and boundaries.

It was very important for us to do this with someone we trusted fully; our partner system. Someone who would make frequent check-ins and would fully understand if a break or even a full stop was needed. Someone who both understood and respected our boundaries.

To wrap things up, it's important to remember that consent is an ongoing discussion. What's true at one time may not be true in another. It's important to evaluate whether things are still healthy and healing, for the system member and the system.

And for us it has been and continues to be.

[traumatoonz]

"...You went way too far, Miss Lopez."

[crimeronan]

Any chance you'd drop the terrible Lunter premise since we can't find it now anyway? 🤲🤲🤲

LMAO. GOD.

the premise was actually pretty simple and solid and i Do stand by it. so if you happen to find a completed anon-posted fic many many moons from now with this plot that sounds like me.... well. what are you doing at the devil's sacrament.

kikimora snitches on hunter after hunting palismen. belos, in a not-so-rare moment of Creepy Luz-Related Magnanimity, is like, "oh, excellent. hunter has fallen in love with a human" (he has not) "and therefore has achieved what every grimwalker before him failed to do. this will work out Great if i can just get her to Behave"

so he has luz kidnapped. while also being like. ha ha hunter!! i know you're ready to betray me at the drop of a hat and if you do anything to try to help your paramour i will consider it another betrayal and there will be Consequences ! 💕

anyway. WILDLY unhappy E-rated horror fic where hunter and luz are both having The Worst Time Ever, In Different Ways. i figure if i ever write it all at once and post it again then i'll have them get rescued eventually, but until then they just have. the worst most fraught coerced emotional blackmail relationship you can Possibly Imagine.

[angel-on-the-cutting-room-floor]

[ozfi]

understanding of transmisogyny in mxtx works

eponymous "scum villain"

as a critique of the tropes, shen jiu is subject to a life of almost entirely transmisogynistic tropes, some only so within their proximity to the others.

first thing, shen yuan steals her body. this is directly tied to a skinner demon, a demon who helpfully adds that they do not only skin women, but anyone young and beautiful. they just happen to be skinning and taking the place of women at this moment when shen yuan usurps shen jius body. wonder what that makes literally everyone think of. what that could mean. hm.

shen jiu is accused of targeting young disciples/little boys, essentially, out of jealousy for their skills/youth (untrue as shown in the extras, the only child she abused was luo binghe and there are multiple reasons for it. not even to mention the way the other peak lords and masters treat their disciples...)

she is accused of sexually assaulting the only female disciple on qj peak by shen yuan/pidw readers to sqh, the authors, face, and he does not confirm it. in fact, the extras do show shen jiu favored nyy (obviously) but still had some level of nervousness about her and paranoia about being targeted that made her avoid nyy.

she is manhunted and targeted by qiu haitang, saying shen jiu murdered her whole family and especially such kind brother qiu jianLUO for no reason (she murdered only the men, who were physically and mentally abusing her and implied to have also. well.)

she is only comfortable around women because of this abuse and cant sleep around men, she goes to brothels and is accused by her martial brother of sleeping with prostitutes but nothing says she was- as implied by everything else, it is best interpreted as trying to find a safe and comfortable place to sleep away from the heavily male peaks of qing jing and cqms.

she is prickly and untrusting and has a sharp mouth because of her trauma, which makes people view her as inherently dangerous and hateful and untrustworthy. people desire to inherently exclude and villainize her, and shes so used to it that she doesnt feel like correcting them.

she says she feels ashamed that she only feels safe and comfortable around women, but nobody ever told her to feel that way, and she is scared especially of the one person she loves wants to appear strong in front of knowing. "even if it meant his death". also she gets called a misogynist for this by irl fandom despite being so clearly eggy it hurt to read

even the name she gets after she struggles to a position of power that will make sure she never becomes a helpless slave again, shen qingQIU, is stained with her past that she feels she'll never escape- and she never gets to! shes afraid of losing her place, because shes never been good enough, and guess what happens!

all of these tropes are set up to understand shen jiu as a "villain" to completely contrast bingge being a hypermasculine male power fantasy. shen jiu is literally considered the worst villain in pidw in-universe because of all of these things, as opposed to every other villain who lbh ever fights, as opposed to lbh himself rampaging and slaughtering and pillaging and canonically raping and throwing women in his harem. and this is shown in the narrative and the extras to be bad and wrong!

shen jiu was a human being who was flawed and misunderstood. she tried to save lgq, she failed, she was blamed for it. she never wanted to see qi-ge again but would rather die than see him dead. all she really ever wanted was to feel safe in her own skin and place in the world. she is inherently sympathetic, BECAUSE of all of these things, BECAUSE of her tragedy, with one absolute crime to her name taken completely out of proportion (especially compared to the male leads crimes) to fridge her in a male power fantasy.

(ntm binghe, in a better situation where he feels loved, turns to things considered feminine, even getting the nickname bingmei. its almost like the cycle of abuse enables toxic masculinity and thats the poi

and shen yuan using the t slur in the extras is technically because hes initially kind of an awful otaku freak but the juxtaposition of a character like that (one so extremely and diametrically opposed to seeming gay as having his masculinity challenged) taking shen jius body when shen jiu had the problems with masculinity she did is definitely a huge part of the horror of scum villain... (also shen yuan is kind of an egg.)

its way too early for me to think about mdzs like this rn maybe later

and then... tgcf. bad! BAD! ITS BAD!

Shi qingxuan is a boy. raised as a girl to keep "him" safe. he lives like this. uh oh, the Thing Of Ruining Lives chasing him found out he was a boy cuz he lifted his dress to pee! his life is now PERMARUINED! his brother, shi wudu, who loves his Brother very much, overturns fate for him yay. sqx ascends with no issues and heavily prefers being in a more feminine body. is in it most of the time. encourages other people to try it because it feels good and makes her happy. shes safe like this, and stronger too,

xie lian says no obviously hes not THAT type of faggot

but the first case in the book is him wearing a womans wedding dress- starts with a gag about a man in a dress. immediately jokes about fx and mq being his maids, oh no, MORE men in dresses. and the book, full of contrived circumstances at best, constantly finds ways to shove xie lian in womens clothes For Disguise tho hed NEVER go into a female form even tho sqx asks so nicely. and also sqx wearing womens clothes is ALSO treated like a joke when she loses the power to change her body while being trapped in the dice maze- haha, isnt it funny sqx is so buff and in such girly clothing? he xuan doesnt have friends who would dress like that.

and then, yknow, sqx is punished for the fate switch done by her brother who never used she/her and constantly told her to stop transforming into a woman because he "cares about him[sic]" and wants people not to think shes a Hussy. and she becomes a fucking disabled homeless old man on the streets of the capital. ol' feng! a MAN! OLD MAN! look at this character growth now shes not so frivolous and has to Work for things and cant become a woman whenever she wants! #growth

Basically scum villain has a good understanding of the tropes used to villainize characters, but mxtx either doesnt understand or is actively hostile to the idea that this is because of transmisogyny specifically. sqx being "a man who likes to be a woman sometimes" is sqxs fate despite being happier, feeling safer and stronger, and loving her female form more than anything- her womanhood inherently being tied to Escaping Her True Fate. because mxtx may hate women as a whole, but she wrote in an Entire Plot to punish a trans woman for being happy despite condemning similar tropes in her debut book.

* also i may be missing things i read these books a bit ago and my memory isnt great, n theres definitely other commentary im missing, but these are the broad strokes of the problems presented.

shen jiu being a trans woman is incredibly important to me but also the narrative (at least being heavily treated like one) and starting with sv and ending w tgcf left some seriously bad taste in my mouth bc of it. its just not good

[ashtonisrottting]

you stole me from myself. tell me how do I forget that? how do I forgive myself for allowing that?