#csa implied /

[geneticautist]

Hi guys, free me

[it-never-gets-better]

MY BODY TURNED INTO A CORPSE WHEN YOU TOUCHED IT VIOLENTLY.

[cloudabserk]

warning for discussing potentially upsetting content about creepy guys dating their adoptive sons. skip this post if u don’t wanna see it

so banana fish has this scene which obviously stuck out to me (that’s his adoptive father)

the focus is not on the opera itself, but the name of the composer. is the name amadeo/amadeus a reference to something else? the only thing i can think of is like… the relationship between mozart and salieri? the film amadeus came out in 1984, 1 year before bananafish began in 1985 (idk when these panels were drawn but i estimate around 1986-1990). but 1985 is the same year the vampire lestat was published, the book in which armand reveals his name was amadeo and provides most of the initial detail about his relationship with marius.

i feel like i’m missing some cultural information on why anne rice and akimi yoshida are making similar comparisons at similar times. i know wolfgang amadeus mozart was big in pop culture at the time, and maybe yoshida was just referencing salieri trying to destroy mozart out of jealousy, but the portrayal of “amadeo/amadeus” as a teenage sex worker in an unbalanced and harmful relationship with his wealthy and all-powerful adoptive father (who saw him as already “damaged” due to his history of abuse and then turns him into a literal killing machine) seems REALLY specific and completely unrelated to mozart.

it’s possible it’s totally a random parallel, and a throwaway scene, but given the timeline i feel like it’s also possible yoshida read the vampire lestat and is referencing the character armand.

thoughts? just a coincidence? is there something im not considering or does my timeline not add up?

[altschmerzes]

Hello I am very very exciting for your Pitt fic!! I love your writing and I’m starving for some good trinity santos fic. Can you give a preview perhaps…. 👀

YESSS IM GLAD YOURE EXCITED i am ALSO excited and i'm thrilled to bring you the same brand (gav fic) in an exciting new box (the pitt)

preview here!! most of it under the cut. this is the opening for my first fic for the pitt, a santos-centric fic called touch the world in which i ruminate on the continuing ramifications of abuse (so cw for that being referenced below), force my girl here into a situation of vulnerability and Experiencing Care, and crib a two-part episode of grey's anatomy for my dastardly h/c fic purposes :)

Some days start off already fucked before they’ve barely had time to be anything at all, which is one of the more unfair things that can happen in the ordinary course of a life. Days shouldn’t have the ability to be ruined before a person’s even had their morning coffee.

It probably (definitely, absolutely) starts because of the phone call from her mother. Trinity avoids those as often as she possibly can most of the time, but eventually it goes on a little too long and it becomes unavoidable and she has to answer. If she wants to keep the peace, and she does, because the alternative is even worse, then she has to pick up every now and then and make enough stupid small-talk that her mom doesn’t feel like her only child has completely abandoned the family, despite the fact that Trinity absolutely did do that, as soon as she was old enough to do it.

The call itself is… fine. It isn’t much of anything at all, actually, just her mother’s updates on the family and a couple of questions about Trinity’s job, which she answers in short and bland sentences with an artificially cheerful voice and generally pretends that she isn’t really here and it isn’t really happening. Sometimes, she can slip deep enough into pretending that she can almost believe that she doesn’t know the person on the other end of the phone any better than she knows the people across the hall in her apartment building.

This, she can tell herself, is just some random lady that Trinity is talking to, someone who isn’t even all that interested in her life or asking questions about it and is just inquiring because it would be rude to spend fifteen minutes talking only about yourself. It’s like getting stuck in line at Starbucks with an older lady who’s just a little too chatty because she’s lonely and her husband is probably a shit conversationalist who never asks her about her life. They don’t know each other and as soon as Trinity can white-knuckle her way through this phone call she can move on with her life and go back to pretending she came into the world fully formed in her first year of medical school, which is the first year she actually felt like a real person anyway.

(This woman isn’t someone she knows, she can believe, sometimes, listening to the meaningless chatter. Trinity has never felt the sharp twist of this woman’s fingers in her hair, has never heard this voice grow hard with anger and disgust as she tried to confess something terrible, something she barely had the words for, something— Whatever. They don’t know each other, is the lie she tells herself while she stares at the latch of her living room window and listens to speech patterns so familiar that she hears them in her sleep. It’s almost true.)

[hey-hamlet]

--

Overhaul crouched down, tilting his face up with a single gloved hand.

“I could remake you, you know.” His voice was soft, silk over steel.

“Would it be a mercy, to have a body once more untouched, to be clean again? Or would it just hurt more when you got forced back into the muck where you belonged?”

---

dont praise the all mighty: blindspot

[teekays]

….speak on mt19 & his dad dare you

okay i need to be extremely crystal clear here when i say this is NOT!! something i think is based in any sort of reality, it's less speculation and more Something i think would be interesting to explore via the lens of this character. not trying to analyze and interpret any real events! just an interesting fictional thing! with that being said! im gonna put this under a cut because its A Lot--

i think there is not enough fic about players that examines the way hockey is cyclical, passed down through families the exact same way that abuse is, and the way it works the exact same way a lot of families do when abuse happens, closing ranks to protect their own, turning things into open secrets but never holding anyone accountable... and i think the tkachuks are a really interesting group to explore that through because keith is one of those guys who's like. he has no illusions about the way hockey works-- he played a kind of body-on-the-line, rough, thoroughly obnoxious hockey that his sons play now, and he's obviously proud of that, and yet... there's some obvious tension and discomfort there, a grappling with that legacy on matthew's part without the kind of words to actually describe that process, and i just think there is a LOT of room for some Narratives there... if you catch my drift. i also find it really interesting that he talked about matthew setting boundaries with him because that feels so unheard of, but the way he talked about it was so.... dismissive. which is another thing that ties into all of this, the way your body becomes Not Yours through hockey the way it often feels like Not Yours after abuse... what is getting up to play with a broken sternum even though you can barely dress yourself if not having to go about your business even though you were just profoundly harmed because It's What Your Dad Said Had To Happen..... yknow? there's a quote from The Incest Diaries about how the author, after years and years of horrific abuse and despite her all consuming hatred for her father and what he's done, still wants him to think she's sexy and clever, still wants him to Want her (i think it's in the service bell tag actually lol-- another can of worms) and like. HOCKEYCORE! so much of hockey is about doing the daddy dance and mt19 is doing the daddy dance for a man who could not care less about him more than anyone else, i think. roman roy you would've loved matthew tkachuk

[stheresya]

*scenes of brother on brother torture* I've always loved the way they loved ❤️‍🩹

[it-never-gets-better]

NO ONE GETS IT. NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS LIVING IN THIS BODY.

[ghost-jester-sys]

My "mother" told me that the abuse her best friend [And soon her boyfriend and son] enacted on me never affected me

She said that what I experienced meant nothing because she never saw how it affected me

I shut those parts of me down and made myself forget them.

Her *Best Friend* did unspeakable things to me yet somehow it's my fault that her friendship with that woman crumbled.

I am not at fault for having my childhood stolen by them

[altschmerzes]

watching 3x06 of ted lasso again for reasons and i just. like. forgot how directly and blatantly Fucked Up jamie was while telling the story about the first time he went to amsterdam. i sometimes wonder if i overplayed it in my head - not the fucked up-ness of the story itself but jamie's actual behaviour in the moment. but no. no, he was having a really hard time saying all of that, it was clearly having a serious affect on him. 'must have been traumatizing' [...] 'nah, not really. ...dunno. i don't remember.' yeah bud i think the answer is pretty fucking clear on whether it was traumatizing or not.

[m4carooni]

i will not let what you did to me turn me into a bad person.

i will not.

i will not.

[infinite-trauma]

i can feel their hands on me

touching

laughing as they exhibitionize me for their perverted enjoyment

i feel weird inside

please stop i'm just a kid please

[oopsallsyscourse]

This post is going to be very trauma focused and will be discussing in system littles and consent when it comes to sexual acts. If this is a trigger or just too uncomfortable to read, feel free to pass on this one.

Ok, take two. About a month ago, we received an ask in response to this post.

So the ask went something like this?

"Feel free to delete this, but how can littles consent? Isn't it weird for someone to be attracted to a child part? How can they communicate their needs properly?"

Full disclaimer, not every little can and should consent. It's up the individual system whether it is a safe and healthy option for them.

Ok, answer time now.

Hi, I'm Peter. I have a small subsystem with me and a little, which I consider part of me. That little regularly engages in sexual acts with our partner system. This has been an increasingly healing process for dealing with trauma. We, as a system, have decided this is healthier for our system as a whole, as well as our little.

Now, how did we determine if this specific little could consent? Well, first, do they know what sex is? Because you can't consent to something you don't fully understand. Unfortunately, this particular little has sexual trauma, and because of that, he knows what it is. Next, would said little be negatively impacted by participating in sexual acts? Not all littles who hold sexual trauma should be participating. It can be a form of self-harm and reenacting trauma. From there, we had to determine if this particular little would benefit from this. Would it help process trauma and work towards general healing; for this little and the system as a whole. And for us, all of these were true.

Now, to the real meat of the discussion. "Isn't it weird to be attracted to a child part?"

Number 1, you have to remember that littles are not actual children. My partner isn’t attracted to a child; the attraction is physical to my body and to that parts personality, which isn’t that of a literal child.

Question number 2, "How would they communicate their needs properly?"

Easy. Communication. Again, littles are not actual children. Some can communicate just as well as any adult part. Others may need another system member to communicate their needs and boundaries.

It was very important for us to do this with someone we trusted fully; our partner system. Someone who would make frequent check-ins and would fully understand if a break or even a full stop was needed. Someone who both understood and respected our boundaries.

To wrap things up, it's important to remember that consent is an ongoing discussion. What's true at one time may not be true in another. It's important to evaluate whether things are still healthy and healing, for the system member and the system.

And for us it has been and continues to be.