#csa implied /

[geneticautist]

Hi guys, free me

[it-never-gets-better]

MY BODY TURNED INTO A CORPSE WHEN YOU TOUCHED IT VIOLENTLY.

[altschmerzes]

watching 3x06 of ted lasso again for reasons and i just. like. forgot how directly and blatantly Fucked Up jamie was while telling the story about the first time he went to amsterdam. i sometimes wonder if i overplayed it in my head - not the fucked up-ness of the story itself but jamie's actual behaviour in the moment. but no. no, he was having a really hard time saying all of that, it was clearly having a serious affect on him. 'must have been traumatizing' [...] 'nah, not really. ...dunno. i don't remember.' yeah bud i think the answer is pretty fucking clear on whether it was traumatizing or not.

[hey-hamlet]

--

Overhaul crouched down, tilting his face up with a single gloved hand.

“I could remake you, you know.” His voice was soft, silk over steel.

“Would it be a mercy, to have a body once more untouched, to be clean again? Or would it just hurt more when you got forced back into the muck where you belonged?”

---

dont praise the all mighty: blindspot

[crimeronan]

God. Luz finally working up the courage to tell Hunter he's a Grimwalker only to introduce the subject as "Okay. The bad thing that Belos told me about a while ago. It has something to do with you, and I think you should know what it is." Hunter's mind immediately goes to awful no-good bad places such as "Things that were meant to be kept in the non-Luz family specifically" and then Luz just says it's that he's a Grimwalker and Hunter lets out the BIGGEST SIGH OF RELIEF EVER. To which Luz is ???

:(((

kiddos....

i can imagine hunter probing luz for information on what a grimwalker is & luz explains the clone thing & hunter is like "oh. am i.... real....?"

and luz is like. OF COURSE you are. of course you're real of course you are. you're hunter you think and feel and love just like any other witch. you're my hunter you've always been my hunter

and hunter is like. well all right. then why would i... care...?

luz, getting increasingly upset: you weren't the only one. he kept learning more and more about how to make you all closer to what he wanted and i kept messing up-

hunter: oh. huh.

luz: what do you mean, 'huh'??

hunter: ....that actually explains a lot.

luz: i'm so sorry, i-

hunter: what?? no no luz this isn't your fault. i don't care about any of this. you think it matters to me?? all i've ever cared about is making sure YOU'RE not what he wanted. i don't Care what happens to me. as long as he left you alone. you know that. i can be anyone, i can be anything. it's Okay, luz. as long as i can keep you safe

luz: but i have to keep you safe too. i have to keep you safe too, you're family-

hunter: --and you did. you already did. he's gone, luz. he's never going to touch either of us ever again. YOU did that for me. it's OKAY.

& then luz grabs onto him and just. cries into his shoulder for a while.

[teekays]

….speak on mt19 & his dad dare you

okay i need to be extremely crystal clear here when i say this is NOT!! something i think is based in any sort of reality, it's less speculation and more Something i think would be interesting to explore via the lens of this character. not trying to analyze and interpret any real events! just an interesting fictional thing! with that being said! im gonna put this under a cut because its A Lot--

i think there is not enough fic about players that examines the way hockey is cyclical, passed down through families the exact same way that abuse is, and the way it works the exact same way a lot of families do when abuse happens, closing ranks to protect their own, turning things into open secrets but never holding anyone accountable... and i think the tkachuks are a really interesting group to explore that through because keith is one of those guys who's like. he has no illusions about the way hockey works-- he played a kind of body-on-the-line, rough, thoroughly obnoxious hockey that his sons play now, and he's obviously proud of that, and yet... there's some obvious tension and discomfort there, a grappling with that legacy on matthew's part without the kind of words to actually describe that process, and i just think there is a LOT of room for some Narratives there... if you catch my drift. i also find it really interesting that he talked about matthew setting boundaries with him because that feels so unheard of, but the way he talked about it was so.... dismissive. which is another thing that ties into all of this, the way your body becomes Not Yours through hockey the way it often feels like Not Yours after abuse... what is getting up to play with a broken sternum even though you can barely dress yourself if not having to go about your business even though you were just profoundly harmed because It's What Your Dad Said Had To Happen..... yknow? there's a quote from The Incest Diaries about how the author, after years and years of horrific abuse and despite her all consuming hatred for her father and what he's done, still wants him to think she's sexy and clever, still wants him to Want her (i think it's in the service bell tag actually lol-- another can of worms) and like. HOCKEYCORE! so much of hockey is about doing the daddy dance and mt19 is doing the daddy dance for a man who could not care less about him more than anyone else, i think. roman roy you would've loved matthew tkachuk

[edoro]

And if I said that Thistle got hit with the replacement wife beam AND the replacement mother beam by the Melinis, what then

[stheresya]

*scenes of brother on brother torture* I've always loved the way they loved ❤️‍🩹

[it-never-gets-better]

NO ONE GETS IT. NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS LIVING IN THIS BODY.

[ghxst-system]

My "mother" told me that the abuse her best friend [And soon her boyfriend and son] enacted on me never affected me

She said that what I experienced meant nothing because she never saw how it affected me

I shut those parts of me down and made myself forget them.

Her *Best Friend* did unspeakable things to me yet somehow it's my fault that her friendship with that woman crumbled.

I am not at fault for having my childhood stolen by them

[infinite-trauma]

i can feel their hands on me

touching

laughing as they exhibitionize me for their perverted enjoyment

i feel weird inside

please stop i'm just a kid please

[crimeronan]

Any chance you'd drop the terrible Lunter premise since we can't find it now anyway? 🤲🤲🤲

LMAO. GOD.

the premise was actually pretty simple and solid and i Do stand by it. so if you happen to find a completed anon-posted fic many many moons from now with this plot that sounds like me.... well. what are you doing at the devil's sacrament.

kikimora snitches on hunter after hunting palismen. belos, in a not-so-rare moment of Creepy Luz-Related Magnanimity, is like, "oh, excellent. hunter has fallen in love with a human" (he has not) "and therefore has achieved what every grimwalker before him failed to do. this will work out Great if i can just get her to Behave"

so he has luz kidnapped. while also being like. ha ha hunter!! i know you're ready to betray me at the drop of a hat and if you do anything to try to help your paramour i will consider it another betrayal and there will be Consequences ! 💕

anyway. WILDLY unhappy E-rated horror fic where hunter and luz are both having The Worst Time Ever, In Different Ways. i figure if i ever write it all at once and post it again then i'll have them get rescued eventually, but until then they just have. the worst most fraught coerced emotional blackmail relationship you can Possibly Imagine.

[oopsallsyscourse]

This post is going to be very trauma focused and will be discussing in system littles and consent when it comes to sexual acts. If this is a trigger or just too uncomfortable to read, feel free to pass on this one.

Ok, take two. About a month ago, we received an ask in response to this post.

So the ask went something like this?

"Feel free to delete this, but how can littles consent? Isn't it weird for someone to be attracted to a child part? How can they communicate their needs properly?"

Full disclaimer, not every little can and should consent. It's up the individual system whether it is a safe and healthy option for them.

Ok, answer time now.

Hi, I'm Peter. I have a small subsystem with me and a little, which I consider part of me. That little regularly engages in sexual acts with our partner system. This has been an increasingly healing process for dealing with trauma. We, as a system, have decided this is healthier for our system as a whole, as well as our little.

Now, how did we determine if this specific little could consent? Well, first, do they know what sex is? Because you can't consent to something you don't fully understand. Unfortunately, this particular little has sexual trauma, and because of that, he knows what it is. Next, would said little be negatively impacted by participating in sexual acts? Not all littles who hold sexual trauma should be participating. It can be a form of self-harm and reenacting trauma. From there, we had to determine if this particular little would benefit from this. Would it help process trauma and work towards general healing; for this little and the system as a whole. And for us, all of these were true.

Now, to the real meat of the discussion. "Isn't it weird to be attracted to a child part?"

Number 1, you have to remember that littles are not actual children. My partner isn’t attracted to a child; the attraction is physical to my body and to that parts personality, which isn’t that of a literal child.

Question number 2, "How would they communicate their needs properly?"

Easy. Communication. Again, littles are not actual children. Some can communicate just as well as any adult part. Others may need another system member to communicate their needs and boundaries.

It was very important for us to do this with someone we trusted fully; our partner system. Someone who would make frequent check-ins and would fully understand if a break or even a full stop was needed. Someone who both understood and respected our boundaries.

To wrap things up, it's important to remember that consent is an ongoing discussion. What's true at one time may not be true in another. It's important to evaluate whether things are still healthy and healing, for the system member and the system.

And for us it has been and continues to be.

[traumatoonz]

"...You went way too far, Miss Lopez."

[angel-on-the-cutting-room-floor]

[qissociation]

when i die i will haunt you for eternity, i'll make sure to never let you feel safe, just like you did to me.