latestghosts

[latestghosts]

Franz Kafka, The Diaries of Franz Kafka

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It’s crazy how low self-worth fucks with peoples lives

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tell me

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it had been a silly idea, one he'd hoped marcella might go along with just to see what it would be like to date her. his family already thought she was his girlfriend, often bringing her to sunday dinners and different celebrations. he was a family man and didn't bring just anybody home. "they've been rooting us on for a long time. i mean, there has to be some reason why we're still single, right? it's not like we're unattractive or smell bad," he was saying this all while holding her, not even realizing the irony in his words. gabriel pressed a very gentle kiss to the side of marcella's head. in mere seconds, her lips were on his cheeked. he leaned into her touch. they'd been close before, but never like this physically. it felt natural, like something they'd been doing for years. were his friends right? gabriel listened to marcella's concerns intently, gently running his fingertips up and down her arm. "all good points. it was just a little idea. but you're right, and i mean, would it really be fake? i feel like nothing would change between us. like… are we already kind of dating?" he blurted it out, looking down at the woman in his embrace. "i don't ever feel the need to like… go out and find a girlfriend or the desire to really," he rested his chin atop her head as she placed her head on his shoulder. "maybe they're right," he smirked. "because i do love you for who you are. i don't think i've ever loved someone like that before."

To fake a relationship with Gabriel, just to prank their friends? The spark of something dangerous inside her chest caught Marcella off guard - almost as much as his words did. On one hand it felt silly, something that their younger versions might've come around to doing a few years back, but now... now it was dangerous. That didn't make it any less tempting, though. And a part of her enjoyed the feeling of how reckless this was. Being able to share it with Gabe? Her cheeks were already flushing. "They would probably say 'finally!' and cheer us on," Marcella laughed, knowing full well that she hadn't said anything more about the prospect of them actually faking it. Would it really be a fake if they loved each other so much? His hands around her shoulders always felt the best and... well, Marcella had never opposed to his growing closeness with the years. It was safe and warm into his embrace and she felt welcomed there, just like at home. "Aw, you're my favorite person too, Gabe." And when he took the initiative to pull her closer, if only she'd turned her head towards him, her lips would've easily landed over his. But instead she looked down and tried to keep her breathing in check. "Of course. We know each other the best," the woman agreed and placed her palm over his chest. Now was the time to lean towards him and press a single slow kiss on his cheek and Marcella did it with no second thought. "But... isn't it bad? If we decide to fake a real relationship in front of them, in front of your mom?" She just wasn't convinced it was fare for everyone. But then... "And isn't it natural to know so much about the other, when you've spend your whole lives together?" Pressing closer to him, Marcella let her head to fall on his shoulder. "I don't know a person who loves me for who I am the way you do, Gabe..."

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*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ closed starter for @wutheringdevotion based on this.

kiana was at a loss for words. the normally chatty and effervescent woman was racking her brain for something to say despite feeling so much. "i thought i was going to lose you," she stated calmly, though the look on her face showed anything but. "and that was a fear i've never felt before. i mean, i guess i lost you when i left but in a physical sense. i've never lost anyone like that," she ran a hand through her hair. "i don't want to lose you. i know that sounds crazy right now but it's what i feel, and now i just -- i want you and i think i always have," kiana exhaled a breath she felt she'd been holding for what seemed like an eternity, attempting to gauge the other's reaction.

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she'd been a little alarmed when lucas asked her to meet in the dressing room alone. they spent time alone all the time but there was something about his expression that made nadia worry. with her hand in his, she let her fingers lace together with his. "what's going on?" she tilted her head to the side. nadia didn't handle uncertainty well, oblivion often being her biggest fear. she sat down on one of the chairs in the dressing room. his proposition made her smirk. "you want me to be your girlfriend. sorry, your pretend girlfriend," nadia teased. she was all for stunts like this. nadia absolutely loved being in the public eye. she never had to crave attention again. "so who's idea was this? because it's brilliant. hell, i'll kiss you on stage tonight," she was laughing because of the situation but also because she felt excited. this would be fun and she would be able to explore how she felt about lucas freely without anyone knowing it wasn't 100% fake. "no fire eating. i'm comfortable if you're comfortable. that's all that matters to me."

୭ɞ ﾟ ❪ @latestghosts ❫  ,

Before making a decision, he wanted to have a private conversation with Nadia, away from the influence of their manager. He knew that agreeing to the suggested publicity stunt would undoubtedly garner attention for the band, but he couldn't deny the complications it might bring, considering his own feelings for her were still uncertain. Personally, he didn't want to resort to such tactics; he believed their music should speak for itself and earn the recognition they deserved. However, he understood that his bandmates were eager for any opportunity to expedite their success.

Taking her hand, he led her away to a more secluded spot, wanting to have an honest discussion. "You don't have to agree if you don't want to," he assured her, his voice filled with sincerity. "We can think of another way to gain more exposure, one that feels right for all of us." Attempting to lighten the mood and alleviate his own nervousness, he added with a playful tone, "Or maybe I can start eating fire? That's sure to catch some attention." His attempt at humor revealed his underlying apprehension, as he grappled with his suppressed emotions in the midst of this conflicting situation.

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the words 'i love you' had always been hard for nadia. naturally, she did love matthew. he was who she wanted to call when she got good news and when she got bad news. there was something that felt different this evening, pressed close to matthew's chest with her hands around him. she kept her composure with his words and simply beamed at him. "how could you not? well, let's see… i snore, sometimes i have a little too much wine, i'm loud…" she was grinning the whole time she spoke, trying to think of how to react to his words. "for the record… i love you too," she wanted to feel his lips on hers again like she'd initiated just a short while ago. nadia's love language was physical touch, evidenced by her tucking a stray curl behind the male's ear. instinctively, almost as if she'd done it a million times, nadis rested her head against matthew's chest, listening to his idea for the evening and the steady beat of his heart. she nodded in confirmation. "you can make me dinner but know this --" she lifted her head. they were practically nose to nose. "i will always rescue you. whether it's from a silly girl or something bigger. i will always be there to save you."

While Nadia talked, Matthew could feel his heart growing in size at least three times. It was no secret that he was a great listener and his introverted nature allowed for him to be the best person one could confide anything in, but hearing it coming from her - it made all that more of a difference. Nadia wasn't just anyone, she was his best friend and a source of endless light in his life; no one could get to him and make him laugh like the brunette could. And as her hand went around him and held onto his body, the young man could feel himself melting but also - happily providing her with the stability she needed. That feeling alone was so exhilarating that Matthew knew he was grinning like a silly person. But it was a good feeling; who didn't love to be silly for their closest person in the world? "I love you," he blurted out before being able to put some control over his tongue. Shaking his head, a few unruly pieces of hair falling across his forehead at the action. "I mean... how could I not, right?" Squeezing her a little closer to himself, Matt could feel the frantic beating of his heart thudding wildly throughout his whole body. And it wasn't until she touched his cheek that a fragment of peace engulfed him and the noise around them receded to nothing. "I have an idea... how about we go to your place and I make us some dinner? I haven't done it in so long and... I want to. You deserve it... especially after coming to my rescue." While he talked, Matt leaned closer almost without realizing it. They were just two people, caught up into each other's universes.

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she felt her heart sink as nathaniel told her he couldn't stay long. she didn't deserve the time of day he was giving her -- that, she was certain of. it didn't make her feel any less sad. part of her was panicking on the inside, wondering if this would be the last time they'd speak. she had to make it count. jude simply nodded as he went to get his drink. jude quickly grabbed a table for two by the windows, close to the door in case she really did have to run from the conversation. as nathaniel got to the table, she gave him a soft, sort of awkward smile. "i know this isn't the time or place but i don't know that we'll ever be in the right place at the right time for this conversation -- and honestly, you don't even have to say anything back to me. if i finish up or at any point you don't like what i'm saying, walk away or tell me to," she paused, making sure she made eye contact with the man she'd spent so many years entangled with, her first love. "you didn't do anything wrong," jude began. she spoke clearly, even though she felt all of the emotions she'd held back bubble to the surface. "okay? it wasn't you. it sounds cliche to say 'it's not me, it's you,' but it's really the case. when you asked me to marry you, i panicked. i saw a wedding that i wanted so fucking badly in a town that scorned me and left scars that i can't get rid of. i wanted to leave. i always have -- not you, but this fucked up little place. so i did. i said no even though i wanted to marry you, nathaniel," she was saying everything in the past tense but feeling it all so deeply in the present, her husband so far removed from her thought process. "i was so scared to be here forever obliged to be the matriarch to five little kids. i left you and i left everyone and yet… here i fuckin' am, you know?" jude sighed. "all this to say that i've never been happier than i was in our little apartment talking about our art and just being together and i know i will never get the back. i don't deserve it. and i'm so fucking sorry for hurting you the way that i did for my own selfish reasons."

He found himself unable to decipher the true depths of her meaning, about she couldn't read his work because it's him, his own self-doubt clouding his perception. He lacked the strength to engage in a futile argument. Instead, he simply nodded, accepting her words as they were, extinguishing the lingering curiosity that plagued his mind. What purpose would it serve to dwell on such uncertainties? He had spent years tormenting his heart and mind, gradually finding solace in their mending. There was no point in resurfacing those emotions; her heart now belonged to another, a notion reinforced by the ring adorning his finger. Her remark, "he's not you," momentarily halted his heart, echoing through his thoughts like a mesmerizing chant. Uncertain whether offense was warranted, he grappled with its true intention. Did she mean to emphasize his past shortcomings or did her words harbor a tinge of regret? His mind yearned for respite from the ceaseless overanalysis. Taking a deep breath, he dismissed the thought, determined to lighten his own mood. "Clearly, our rings don't match," he quipped, attempting to inject a touch of levity into the somber air. By jesting, he sought solace and sought to improve his own spirits. When she unexpectedly agreed to join him, he felt a surge of surprise. Unprepared and unwilling to confront his emotions. How does one aptly navigate the company of an individual they had mourned for so long? A flicker of hope for closure ignited within him, even as he braced himself for the unknown encounter that awaited. "Yes, sure. However, I won't be able to stay long," he quickly clarified, managing her expectations. "Go find us a table, and I'll just order my drink."

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*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ closed starter for @tinkrbell based on this.

standing at the mailboxes in his apartment building, gage was struggling with the lock. "this fuckin' key doesn't work. i just moved in like a week ago and honestly, i forgot that mail was a thing? like official business comes through snail mail, right? i don't think the landlord gave me the right key," he wasn't looking at who he was talking to, simply jimmying the key into this lock, hoping it would pop open. when it didn't, he turned to look at the person he'd been venting to. "ellie…" gage trailed off. after high school, gage had gone off to a different city in hopes of finding something new. he wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he didn't find it and found himself back at home. "wow, i always expected you to become this big time journalist and write on different crime stories or music, something…" he chuckled, nervous for some reason. "what are you still doing here?"

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the tattoo shop was her safe space. her apartment was where she lived, but the shop was her real home. it was only natural for her and jude to end up there after she'd had a rough night. of course, jude turned that night right around. she always seemed to have a way with making her feel better. she was sketching an outline for the tattoo she wanted to do. as the needle tickled her back, lia giggled softly. "it is kind of a power trip. i'd never abuse that power but sometimes when i get a rude client i think about secretly tattooing beavis and butthead on them. or just the middle finger. something petty," she smirked, side-stepping so jude could get in the chair. "never apologize, you always make me laugh," aurelia grabbed the sketch she'd done and showed it to the other woman, leaning over her shoulder to trace the outline with her finger on the girl's forearm. "it's small. it's a line art constellation. it's actually monoceros. it's kind of shaped like a unicorn? and i like that because unicorns are rare and i feel like you're a person that people meet for a reason, a rare treasure, you know?" aurelia beamed at jude, hoping she liked her idea. "are you down with that? i can absolutely come up with something else if not. the creative juices are flowing."

closed starter: jude x aurelia

@latestghosts

after aurelia had been taken on a bad date, jude was there within minutes to meet the woman at her apartment and get her out of the house. the early evening might have been bad, but she wouldn't let the whole night be bad. from a good dinner to hopping from bar to bar, jude and aurelia had fun around the town until they ended up at the tattoo shop aurelia worked at, jude looking at her tools while lia got her things ready. she took a needle, not connected to the gun, holding it up to lia's back like she was tattoo'ing her when she was really tattoo'ing the air. "I bet it feels like you have a lot of power with this in your hands. buzzzzzzz..." jude laughed before putting the needle away. "sorry, sorry." she went to sit back on the tattoo chair. "so, what are you going to give me?" she wondered, as she had told the girl to surprise her with something small.

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gage knew audrey to be a deeply passionate person. it was one of the things he liked about her, maybe even loved. what he didn't expect was her hand connecting with his cheek not once, but twice. gage winced and put a hand to his now stinging face. "fuck, audrey! what the hell --" deep down, gage knew he deserved that. in the moment, he wasn't angry with her, more irritated by her reaction. "that fucker is smug, okay? i didn't come in here thinking 'oh, audrey's here on a date, let me punch them.' i came here to eat but just the way they were looking at you… and then when they spoke, it just confirmed my suspicion. i deserve a slap for the outfit but not the rest. you should be thanking me for saving your ass from the miserable future that you would inevitably be living with that person."

୭ɞ ﾟ ❪ @latestghosts ❫  ,

In a fit of rage, she stormed into the room, not granting him a moment to react, and delivered a resounding slap across his face, the sound resonating with anger. "That is for my date," she declared with a fiery determination, her voice carrying the weight of her shattered expectations. Without faltering, she followed it with another swift slap, her hand connecting with his cheek, a testament to her own hurt and indignation. "And that is for me," she asserted firmly, her words slicing through the air, piercing his conscience. The raw emotion fueled her anger as she passionately expressed her resentment. "I should give you another one for wasting this perfectly good look but my hands already hurt."

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i'm working on replies rn but this is me once again saying how life changing noah kahan's album has been and the view between villages is so 'i'm stuck in my small town forever' and it reminds me of so many of my muses like !!! i need plots to this album ok thank u carry on. i'll be back in my drafts if you need me ♥

[latestghosts]

REBLOG IF IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO BOTHER YOU IF YOU'RE MY MUTUAL

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roman knew that he was too kind for his own good. his friends, his parents, everyone in his life always told him that he gave too much and took too little. roman never considered this to be his hamartia, but if madison didn't notice the difference between his flirting and his regular disposition, perhaps it was. "i'm sorry it's been so long. i never meant to push you away or anything if that's what it seemed like. i was just… dealing, you know?" roman offered, his eyes meeting madison's gaze. he wanted her to know the impact she had on his life, that she was more than just another fleeting friendship. his work shouldn't and wouldn't come between them in the future. "the wrong idea, yeah," his face fell a little. was that what she really thought? would it be so bad to be romantically linked to him? roman ran a hand through his hair, shaking it out as if to shake out any negativity he was feeling. "no, no. you weren't too much at all. i had a great time, madison. it's never too much," he explained with a warm smile. "i missed you too. i'm glad everything is going back to normal. it's been such an adjustment. i've been thinking of hiring security…" he trailed off, having trouble looking her in the eye, almost as if admitting this made him weak. "it's just, i can't go out. i can't go anywhere without someone wanting a picture or to talk to me. you know me, i'm not super outgoing… it's just a lot. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful, but i'm also just really overwhelmed, you know? so it's really… it's really great to just be with you right now and enjoy the time we spend together."

Perhaps she had become calloused, guarding her heart from the sweetness of his intentions, a defense mechanism born from her own fear. She had always stifled her feelings, unwilling to venture beyond the safe confines of friendship, justifying his actions to protect her hopeful heart. He had been her steadfast constant, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing him. "Yeah, maybe it's just been too long since we've gone out together," she mustered a forced chuckle, going along with his reasoning, refusing to acknowledge the depth of their connection. "I understand, your new job has been demanding, and you've had to make adjustments," she added, eager to paint it all as a silly misunderstanding to laugh about. "Yes, because, you know, people might get the wrong idea if it's just the two of us. Oh hey, just like we thought! " she nervously laughed, attempting to downplay the situation. "It's not your fault, really. I might have been too much as well because, well, I missed you a lot. I would have reacted the same way if I were in your shoes," she smiled warmly, assuring him that it was insignificant. "Speaking of your new job, how are you handling all the attention?" she swiftly diverted the conversation, seeking to shift the focus away from their complicated entanglement.

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it was astounding to jude just how much pain bubbled to the surface just seeing nathaniel before her. seeing him in public never really crossed her mind. it wasn't an event she'd planned for. jude liked planning, loved nothing more than to have responses panned out for situations like this. it was incredibly hard to navigate. though she was the one who broke it off, it was something she deeply regretted. he deserved a better goodbye and she knew that with every fiber of her being. it was overwhelming just standing in the coffee shop with him, acting like she hadn't whispered 'i love you's' to him before falling asleep in his arms, like she'd never woke up early and made his favorite breakfast, or that they hadn't spent nights just talking. she tried to pull herself out of her own head to hold the conversation. "i -- not wrong, just, i don't know. it's hard. i did try to read it but i just couldn't. not because it was bad. it was incredible. it was just… it was you," she exhaled. it probably wasn't the right thing to say, but jude wasn't stellar at navigating conversations like this. as he reiterated the word partner, jude instinctively stuck her hands in her pockets, but it was too late. he'd seen the ring. "he's not you," she blurted out, unable to make eye contact with nathaniel. he offered to catch up, and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "i would really like that… i mean, i don't have any plans right now. if you don't… we could just talk," she offered, holding onto her coffee cup a little tighter than she'd intended.

He realized with a jolt how his words had inadvertently crossed a boundary when she pointed it out. There was no malice intended, just a painful truth he couldn't deny. Correcting her seemed pointless now, as their once cherished connection lay shattered and irreparable. When she briefly stepped away for coffee, he assumed it would mark the end of their encounter. It had always been effortless for her to walk away, and without any obligation to stay, he expected nothing more. They were now a tragic history, evoking haunting thoughts of missed opportunities. The unexpected glimmer of interest she showed in his work surprised him, offering a sliver of solace amidst the wreckage. "It's going... more work than before, a good thing," he shared, grasping onto the one anchor that kept him grounded amidst the storm. When she questioned whether it would be wrong to read his stories, he clarified, "Why would it be wrong? They're meant for all to read." Secretly hoping she would explore the narratives, he yearned for her to glimpse fragments of his soul that echoed their shared past. Irony pervaded the air at her return, defying their parting driven by her quest for a broader world. As she spoke of a partner, his gaze involuntarily shifted to her finger, his tone tinged with bitterness as he murmured, "Ah, a partner." He acknowledged his inability to move on, the only one still ensnared in the memories they shared. Selfishly, he couldn't help but wonder if she, too, endured the same agony, yearning for a reunion. "That's nice," he managed, his voice strained, avoiding her gaze to conceal the lingering ache in his eyes. "It's nice that you're back," he forced a smile, burying the pain beneath a façade. "We should catch up sometime," he offered, a sense of duty compelling him to extend the invitation, mindful of the friendship that preceded their passionate entanglement.

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daysia had always struggled with monogamy. her heart was too big to give to just one person. however, with dion it was a little different. she hadn't had much of an interest in other people for a couple of months, finding herself just wishing the people she hooked up with were her. at times, she felt like dion knew. it was frustrating but she wouldn't be the other woman. "and i just want to be with you," she looked over at the woman beside her and dropped her hand. daysia snaked a loose arm around her friend's waist, squeezing gently as they walked to the diner. she opened the door for dion. "damn, okay. i was just trying to be nice. i don't think she likes me too much anyway," she shrugged, looking away from dion as she slid into one of the booths. "just a vibe, you know?"

was she pushing the limit a little too far when it came to daysia? of course, she was. she knew what she was doing and how incredibly unfair it was to do to her best friend but she couldn't help herself. every time dion was with the other, her only focus was on daysia. "fine, you're stunning. that would be better than pretty, right?" she smirks widely. to be honest, she only showed up because she knew the woman would be there and she didn't want to miss an opportunity to see her. "i don't feel like drinking anyways, i just want to be with you." dion doesn't want to think about the day when her best friend find someone else to spend time with, she'll probably hate them without even trying to get to know them. "sofia, is waiting at home. she doesn't need to come with us. i have a life outside of her so let's get the six milkshake, i'll be on me."

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for the amount of time nadia spent with matthew ( and that was a lot ), she wasn't sure she'd ever been this physically close to him. it was like a candle had been burning out, flame flickering and faltering, and with one kiss, the fire reignited and held strong through the wind. nadia felt an unfamiliar warmth in her chest, something she wanted to stay with her forever. "i'm not always saving you. i can count on one hand the amount of times i've had to save you. you've probably saved me a hundred times more, not just from crazy dates, but just… from things in my life that make me feel like i need a savior. you're always the listening ear and the comforting voice," nadia flashed him a genuine smile, allowing her hand to reach beind matthew and rest on his back. she tested the waters, tracing soothing circles on his back with her fingertips. "you're perfect the way you are, matt," she cooed. before she could speak again, his lips were against her cheek. something so soft, so gentle, and innocent caused butterflies to start flapping their tiny wings in her stomach. nadia took her free hand and placed it on the side of matthew's face, her thumb rubbing his cheek gently. "anywhere. literally anywhere," she breathed a nervous laugh. it wasn't like she'd never thought of matthew as more than a friend. it had crossed her mind a few times in the past, teetering on the edge of making a move. this was different, but not in a bad way -- just natural. "do you want to go to my place? we can watch something stupid or i can make us dinner. or not. we can do whatever you want," her eyes met his, and she let herself hold eye contact for a bit longer than she normally would.

"Yeah, she was... nice..." Usually Matthew hated to say lies, even ones that came from a good place, but maybe it was preferable than to admit a not so gracious opinion about someone else. Yes, of course, she would be the perfect for someone. But that wasn't him. "It is... definitely," he found himself nodding and immediately wanted to smack himself for acting so silly around her. The last thing Matt wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable or guilty for simply coming to his rescue. It was just... "I just wish you didn't have to save me," chuckling, he looked down for a moment, noticing the way she tugged at his collar. Swallowing a little nervously, he immediately wanted to look up, even if his eyes landed on Nadia's lips at first. Stupid. That was very irresponsible action of him and yet... he simply couldn't look away, not like he'd managed all those other times. "Maybe no more setting up for me for a while now? I think I'm fine the way I am." And that included with his arm around her body. Leaning his head towards hers, Matthew pressed his lips to her cheek, giving Nadia one of his softest kisses. Despite that it only made him aware of how soft her skin felt and how nice it smelled, which surely made him to linger a little bit more than it was appropriate for best friends. "Uh, yes, we can go. But go where?"