#crying into my pillow

[amber-laughs]

“Bring her home, Mance” but away from Winterfell, because the Starklings are each other’s home not some castle

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: EP8 Sand & Ray's 'Never Friends' Scene

I wanted to do a deep dive into this scene, because it really exceeded my expectations. It sets the tone beautifully for Sand's current state of mind, and First delivers such a wonderful, nuanced performance here. Easily one of my favourite Ray/Sand interactions yet.

Sand is looking noticeably weary after witnessing Ray and Mew dancing in the bar. The poor boy just looks so tired and dejected, as if he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Unfortunately for him, the bar is where he works so he's not able to avoid being in a place Ray and Mew frequent together.

Ray approaches and tries to behave as he normally would. He asks to borrow Sand's lighter, a little call back to Episode 1. The camera lingers on Ray's reaction when Sand simply hands it over. Another nod to where Sand had lit his cigarette for him previously. A split second detail, a very clear message: 'It's not my role to take care of you anymore. You have someone else for that now'.

Sand being Sand, is still concerned about how Ray is doing and asks about his arm. They fall into a little routine patter before Sand gets straight to the point. I give him such kudos for doing this, for choosing not to skirt around the subject but confront it head on. Besides, it's not as if avoiding it is going to make it hurt any less. "So what's going on between you and Mew?" Sand frames it as a question, because he wants to hear it from Ray himself. It's the least he deserves. There's also a challenging air in the way Sand looks at Ray with his eyebrows slightly raised. 'Humor me. And don't lie.'

Ray looks visibly uncomfortable and hesitant. I do believe Ray exhibits a conscience where Sand is concerned. He at least has the decency to feel guilty. I think he was hoping they could continue 'as normal' for a little while longer, so he wouldn't have to tackle this difficult conversation. Ray's wordless reaction gives Sand all the confirmation he needs.

Before Ray has anything to say, Sand jumps in with, "Congrats, you're no longer in the friend zone." The way he says this feels 100% genuine. I do think that Sand wishes the best for Ray, because he's in exactly the same position as Ray once was - pining after someone who doesn't return his feelings. So he gets it. He can acknowledge how nice it must be for Ray to finally be reciprocated. This is an example of Sand's 'if you're happy, I'm happy for you' response, because it means the attention is deflected off him.

What Ray says next is also quite telling. He's says things are good but it's very early days, and they're essentially seeing how it goes. "It's okay." Note how Ray doesn't gush or seem particularly animated. A few brief but fairly non-descriptive comments. You'd expect him to be over the moon. I feel like this is Ray's attempt to be minimise the damage by downplaying things. He doesn't want to overly dwell or flaunt his happiness in Sand's face. I also believe there's a degree of honesty here, that Ray has some genuine reservations about Mew and their future as a couple, (that perhaps he's been trying to ignore).

The next few lines absolutely gutted me. "Good, you can finally end the secret crush. Such a waste of time, right?" 'Good for you, you're no longer suffering (like I am)'. When Sand talks about a waste of time, he's referring to himself. 'At least you no longer have to kill time with me, when you really wanted to be with Mew, what a relief that must be.' Sand is massively self-deprecating here. The time they spent together was not special. It didn't have the same meaning to Ray as it did to Sand. Everything he did was meaningless in context because he thinks Ray was simply 'settling for second best' in the meantime. Sand often uses this tone to imply his own foolishness. For continuing to care so much for Ray when he's getting nothing back.

Ray then asks "Are you okay?" I've noticed that when Ray poses this question, he's not really asking. He already knows or he wouldn't ask in the first place. He's basically saying, 'You're not okay but tell me why', allowing Sand to further divulge. However, Sand is never going to give a honest answer to that question. He's always putting on a brave face and pretending to be okay even when he clearly isn't.

Sand then comes back with his classic, "Why wouldn't I be?" "You're seeing someone you've always loved. It's a dream come true." Not a single thing Sand is saying is about his own feelings. His own pain. His own turmoil. He's purposely shifting the focus to Ray, 'well you're happy so I don't matter. It's your dream come true, so my feelings aren't part of this equation' - which just breaks my goddamn heart. 'Who cares what I feel or think about this. I get no say.'

Ray ponders for a second or two. You can tell he's at a loss as to how to salvage things with Sand without losing him completely. So he offers the next best thing he can, in order to still keep Sand around. "Can we still be friends?" Which means, 'I still want to spend time with you. I still want you to be part of my life'. And Ray's face is full of hopeful naïveté that Sand will agree (this boy really has no idea how agonising that would be). For Sand, this is like adding insult to injury. 'Friends' has no clear definition in Ray's terms, and Sand is wary of Ray's tendency to blur that line. So Ray asking him if they can still be friends doesn't really mean anything, which prompts Sand's "You and I have never been friends from the get-go". 'We need to stop fooling ourselves that what we were doing was ever friendship. I've woken up, you need to too'. Sand is not prepared to participate in muddying the waters, especially now Ray is dating someone. It's not fair to anyone involved.

"We have nothing in common. Besides, I don't know why I should be friends with you." This is probably the harshest thing Sand says in this entire conversation. He's very pointedly trying to create distance. Despite evidence to the contrary, he's alluding to differences between them that should justify that distance, justify him pulling away. Sand is just so resigned and matter of fact about all this because he knows there's nothing Ray can say to refute his thinking. It's all far too late anyway.

Ray displays a moment of slight panic and he's clearly thrown by this. 'It's not like that. Don't reduce it to that'. One thing we can be sure of is it upsets Ray to imagine no longer having any connection to Sand. This indicates to me that Ray does value Sand in his own way. Right now he just has no idea what he can offer to keep Sand close to him, because there is no legitimate reason for doing so since he now has Mew.

As a form of consolation, or perhaps a last ditch attempt to tug on Sand's heart strings, he admits, "but when I'm with you, I'm so damn happy." Ray means well by saying this, as in you make me happy. 'That's got to mean something, right?' But by phrasing it this way, it comes across as he's making this all about him. Sand is desperately searching for evidence to prove Ray does care about him, and he keeps coming up empty. He's run out of reasons to stick around anymore. And Ray's not saying the right things to prove him wrong.

Sand deflects again. '(So what if I might make you happy?) You'll be happy with Mew too. I'm nothing special. You'll get to spend time with him in the same way we did'. "You might even be happier," said with a smile no less. Another absolutely gut wrenching line. Sand's sadness clears briefly and he looks sincerely like he wishes Ray the best. It almost feels like a farewell of sorts. 'He'll make you happier than I did. Because I'm not good enough. I'm not what you want.' This is yet further indication that Sand doesn't think he's left any lasting impression on Ray. Whatever they shared with one another, Ray can easily replicate with Mew instead. He's easily replaceable.

Ray reaches out to stop Sand from walking away. Ray is conflicted. He feels regretful over Sand, which he shouldn't be feeling. He's worried that this time Sand is really slipping from his fingers, and there's nothing he can do about it. Because what's done is done. He chose Mew. So what else is there to say?

Sand follows up with, "Let me go already." 'Stop torturing me. Stop giving me false hope when you've already made your choice. Forget me so you can continue being happy and I can move on. Don't make this difficult for me.' Even in this line, I can hear Sand's care for Ray permeating through it. Sand knows he's isn't what Ray wants. He can make Ray happy but not happy enough to choose him. So the best he can do is to send Ray on his way, and to wish him well. All he asks is for Ray to return the favour, and leave him alone to heal. Akin to his addiction, Sand is telling Ray that he needs to let go from clinging to him like a crutch. Because the only purpose he serves is a crutch and nothing more.

He wants Ray to want him for him, and not as a safety net. Not because he provides Ray with some form of temporary comfort or company. Not because he's a means to pass the time.

Why I adore this scene so much is due to the enormous strength and kindness Sand displays here. He could have been much colder with Ray. He could have been petty, outraged, bitter, resentful. But you truly sense his helpless love for Ray throughout the entire interaction. He's still trying to deliver his message in the most considerate way he can manage. He firmly holds his ground but without any malice. 'The tragedy is I can't help but love you, despite what you've done to me'.

[peppermint-whiskers]

https://www.tiktok.com/music/Im-not-fine-Polites-7362295392184961797?_r=1&sharer_language=en&source=h5_m&u_code=dkg1d45ggkjllj&_d=dkg1d4ijj08397&share_music_id=7362295392184961797&ug_btm=b8727,b5171&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAA8icKTGEkPCx2DGAqe1Y_9PyS-mf9W6EWiQot3ZXlWCpYjnjhuB6FAwQvqNFt-rx-&utm_source=copy&social_share_type=7&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=ios&tt_from=copy&user_id=7006075324182381574&enable_checksum=1&share_link_id=6019BDD9-23C1-433D-B72D-632464CBAFC1&share_app_id=1233

I have an idea for an animatic for the God Possessed Pentious AU >:3

Link!

Hi yes nobody talk to me, I'm forever cursing my inability to make animatics now that this is living rent free in my brain-

[thefallennightmare]

Oh ya know, just doing a little light reading before bed. JP-Chapter Nine 😭😭😭😭

[haetrack]

i saw nct dream a year ago today

[gornackeaterofworlds]

I was gonna wait and mention this when I finished the fic, but I'm an impatient person, lol...

But basically, you're one of my big motivators for pushing to get this Donnie chapter done of the Ghosttwins fic! 😄 I saw your comment on AO3 and that you were following me here and was like--

"Damn.... I should really get off my ass." LOL!

So anywhoo--

Here's a little snippet from the chapter a treat~ 😚💖

“One more rinse to make sure you’re pristine.” He gave you a small smirk and your jaw clenched watching him pull off his gloves. Your eyes followed the latex material as it stretched to its limits before it snapped off the appendages. You winced at the noise and a low chuckle rumbled from the base of Donatello's throat.  He got up and washed his hands in a nearby sink before returning next to you at the tub. Moving in as close as he could as the porcelain barrier would allow him, your faces only a few inches apart.  Leaning an arm over the rim, he dipped it into the water, slowly snaking it down your stomach. You seized, pinching your knees together when you realized where he was heading.  He laughed quietly again.  “I thought you said you wouldn’t fight?” He smiled at you playfully. You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip and averted your eyes from him, reluctant to speak.

Thanks for reading! 💕

I. W. WOUAGH.

First I'm incredibly honored both to hear that and to get a sneak peek. Second I'm a puddle on the floor and will never recover!!

Vibrating at a speed never seen before by man nor beast. It looks really fucking good I- wurgh

[random-scribbles-of-poor-quality]

Between us really said "I'm never afraid of anything when I'm with you" and "come to my room any time you have a nightmare" and "how do you think I would feel if something happened to you" and I think that's so *screaming*

[upsidedownwithsteve]

Just know that I'm gonna read the camp au with my camp shirt on. The way I fangirl over your stories is almost embarrassing, but I don't care ✌️🌼

mea you make my heart ache I swear 🧡

[lovinggreeniehours]

ouh. period jumpscare

[ratatatastic]

its the way paul always knows how to kick me in the fucking nuts. i think hes just found the perfect home. yeah kick me harder man come on make it hurt.

[ifartconfetti]

We are approaching the 5 months of every year where the only thing that's in reason are different forms of cabbage

[saturnskatpho]

Crying into my pillow realizing school is under two weeks away and I have to deal with boys being loud annoying and genuine incels

[pearlsinmyhair]

crying because i need this man so bad

miguel o’hara x fem!spidergirl!reader

I’m on my period so this is really just self indulgent but all I can think about is miguel being worried abt you when you’re on your period!!!!

first of all, you don’t show up for a briefing in his office, which is weird because you always show up, even if it’s just to see him. miguel shrugs it off, maybe you’re busy, maybe you’re with your friends, maybe you’ve decided you hate him. it’s only when it’s lunch time and he braves the cafeteria but can’t see you anywhere that he really starts to get worried. you unfortunately love the cafeteria food. miguel hates it but sits with you while you eat, anyway.

he decides he should probably call you, or ask lyla for your whereabouts. he goes with the latter because you never answer your phone. lyla reports that by the location of your multiverse watch, you’re in miguel’s quarters, which are really his and yours by now.

when miguel enters the room he finds you on his bed, half dead or maybe worse.

“cariño.” miguel drops to his knees at your side, all attempts to hide how much he cares for you forgotten. “I’ve been looking for you all day. what’s the matter? are you sick?”

you mumble something into the pillows that sounds vaguely like “m’cramping.” miguel clocks the painkillers on the bedside table, your hands clutching your stomach, remembers how you’d burst into tears over lunch two days ago for no apparent reason, and says, “oh.”

work goes on hold for the rest of the day. miguel spends it coaxing you out of bed, into the hot shower where he shuts his eyes while you get in, not because he hasn’t seen it before but because he knows you probably want privacy right now. then he gets you back into bed with comfy clothes and a glass of water. you’re grumpy and unwilling the whole time but miguel tries to make it better by giving you an abundance of kisses between each task. he supposes this is how it feels for you to take care of him normally, except he doesn’t get a period, he’s just grumpy by default. his fondness for you multiples tenfold.

once you’re back in bed it’s your turn to beg, though it doesn’t take much for him to climb in next to you, let you rest your head on his shoulder and guide his big hands to your aching stomach. he gets at least twenty incoming calls on his watch from multiple spider-people wondering where he is. he switches it off after the twentieth and decides he’ll deal with it all tomorrow. besides, you’ve fallen asleep on him, your face squished into his shoulder and your hands resting on top of his, and he really wouldn’t like to know what would happen if he woke you up.

[murcielagatito]

maybe we could cuddle for a minute?

[blewsee]

they make me so sick in the head it’s actually unreal

[saturninemartial]

i guess i was getting too comfy being in a more inactive fandom like danganronpa. now i’m in a much bigger more active fandom and ig i’ve done enough to be block-worthy???