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levantea · 3 years ago

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Winter Falls | h.hyunjin

Pairing: idol bf!hyunjin x deceased gf!y/n

Genre: angst, grief, regret, death

Rating: PG

Warning: mentions of breaking down, insomnia, death, blood, accident

Word Count: 3.8k

Author’s note: Well, i am super duper inspired by this song so i am going to write something that is tragedic… if you are not comfortable or had trauma please DO NOT READ! i repeat, DO NOT READ! i do not want any cases of relapsing so ONLY read when you are ready for it!

Masterlist 🌨

———————————————————————————

I still badly missed you,

I’m still in that place.

Gathering all my memories,

I close my eyes and think.

—

2 years back

30 outgoing calls.

No matter how many times you dialed your boyfriend, he still did not picked up.

You letted out a huge sigh before walking towards your house’s window and take in some fresh air. The season was turning from autumn to winter, and the wind started to become chiller.

Unsure since when, the relationship between you and Hyunjin had deteriotated. No more sparks, no more kisses, no more hugs, no more ‘mornings’ and ‘goodnights’, no more hanging out, no more staying over. Ever since he debuted, the chance of you meeting him reduced year by year, not to mention calls and messages as well.

You thought you were prepared for it, you thought you were able to cope without him physically by your side, you thought that you were able to silently support him behind his back, you overestimated your ability of being receptive towards a ‘long-distance’ and ‘secretive’ relationship that has lasted for 4 years.

You never complained, as you understood that being an idol is not easy. Your boyfriend became a trainee without any prior knowledge to dancing, singing or rapping, and his path towards debuting was more rocky as compared to others. Initially, he still regularly called you, even just a short while, to catch up on how you had been doing and updating on his side, never forgetting to give you encouragement even though he was suffering in his practice room.

That was what made you loved him the most. He is loyal, kind, empathetic, humble, whatever complimenting words you can use on him. You always anticipated his news on when he would be debuting so you could congratulate him for not giving up on the path he chose and the support you had always gave him, and that day came which both of you shared the victorious moment together.

After he debuted 1.5 years later, the times you communicated with him reduced day by day. He always texted you messages such as “sorry hun, im busy right now”, “sorry hun, i need to go for next shoot now”, “sorry hun, im practicing now”, “sorry hun, i am really tired today, ill catch up with you when im more free,” etc. You always replied with “alright hun, take care, ill talk to you again,” until you barely received responses from him in a week.

Was it because the love faded? Or was it because career is more important than anything now?

Your eyes went red as you recalled the flashbacks of when you both just got together and how you guys spent moments during those days, exchanging promises, gifts to show how much love you both had for each other.

But those were the days that were gone.

—

If i ever pretend to be strong, it only makes me laugh.

How many times will the 4 seasons pass? Yeah.

It’ll just hurt, even if i search for memories,

I’m only getting shabby, only scars remain.

—

“One last time,” you told yourself. One last time, you will dial him and if he never answer, you will put an end to it.

When did he last called you? 8 months back? With less than 20 messages within those period. You were tired, disappointed, angry, hopeless in this relationship but still trying to give in your best to maintain that last string of it.

You remembered yourself telling him before, if he ever faces any challenges or setbacks, or he was tired, or he no longer feel the same way as he did initially for you, to tell you straight away so you could give your last wishes before parting.

There is no point hanging onto a relationship that has no communication occured or pure avoidance of conflicts. It takes 2 hands to clap, if one party doesn’t put in effort, it will be worthless to cling onto someone who don’t put you in their heart.

Dialing baby🪄🥰…

“Hi this is Hyunjin, i am currently busy right now, if you have any important messages, do leave in the voice mail and i will get back to you soon, have a great day!” a recorded voice of his sounded in your ears.

Chance was up.

“Hi hun, well, im not sure when to start from, but yea, i hope you have been doing fine. When was the last time we talked through call? If i didn’t remember wrongly, it was 8 months back? Well, I don’t want to be naggy here, but i hoped that, you have been staying safe and healthy, hydrating yourself, remember to wear more clothes as the weather is getting colder. I have tidied up your house, everything in place so that you will not forget or misplace them. I will leave the keys below the carpet, as usual, remember to pick them up when you reached here, take care and… don’t find me anymore,” your voice trailed off at the end as you were on the verge of crying. You bited your hand to control your tears, trying to avoid making any sounds of sobbing which would be recorded in the voice mail.

You quickly pressed the red button before blasting out your cries that you tried so hard to suppress. The moment you ended the unreturned call, you kind of regretted for saying the last phrase, but you were so sick of the whole relationship that has went downhill.

You were not angsty because he was busy, you were disappointed because he did not communicate, or attempt to communicate with you to seek your understanding. You were never an attention seeking person, all you needed was explaination and reassurance, which you were sure that that’s what most girls required from their other half.

After wiping your tears away, you proceeded to the room that you both shared previously to pack all your belongings into your luggage. Thankfully you did not have many things to carry as the rest of them were at your best friend’s house, since your parents were working overseas 3/4 of the year.

Within half an hour you managed to gather all your things and before you leave, you gave a one last, detailed look over this whole house. The house that you both once spent most of your time in, the house that was once filled with laughters, the house that was once you guys shared worries in, the house that you guys showed affection in.

“Good things always come to an end so quickly, what a pity,” you hissed at yourself, letting out a sarcastic laughter to yourself.

And you left the house without looking back. And little did you know that, that would be your last time looking at that house.

—

Days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer.

On my cold heart, something like ice is melting.

I feel sorry for repeatedly freezing and thawing.

Have you lost your warmth? Well…

—

“Hyunjin, y/n left a voice mail for you though,” Changbin happened to walk past his phone that was placed on the table in the makeup room that all of the members shared.

They were preparing for their comeback after they won kingdom so they were all busy with shooting and other preparations for it.

Hyunjin who just finished his part walked in and over to Changbin, who was holding onto his phone, waving the lighted screen with a wallpaper of both you and him, as well as the voice mail notification floating.

“Oh, okay since im done with my part i’ll hear it now, thanks bro,” he took over the phone and placed 1 airpod into his left ear to hear the voice message.

Initially he thought that it will be the usual check in message and sharing of how your day went but as the duration of the voice message got longer, he sensed that something was off, and he confirmed his instinct when he heard the last sentence.

He felt that his heart dropped and started to palpitate at a fast speed that he never experienced it before, not even after hours of intense dance practices he had in his whole life.

And he realised that, his heart was not beating at insane speed due to his exhaustion, it was called anxiety.

“Hyunjin, do you want to eat- wait, bro, why your face look so white? Are you okay? You look unwell,” Bang Chan came in to offer him some cookies as they had been shooting for hours and he was afraid that Hyunjin may faint since he did not eat since start of shoot.

“Hyung, i think this time round, i’m really dead, like not kidding, i’m really dead,” he started panicking and his voice quivered. Bang Chan immediately putted down the cookies and sat beside him, patting his back and finding out what had happened.

“Hyunjin, i think, y/n is really disappointed this time… i’ve told you previously right, talk to her. i know you are keeping many things behind from her because you do not want her to worry, but what she exactly needed was your open communication with her… so what is your next step now?” Bang Chan sighed after hearing his younger brother confessed.

He nodded to every sentence that was mentioned by his hyung and he started tearing up. The more he thought of what he did for the past 8 months, the more regretful he became. Ignoring what his manager said to not dial anyone during work hours, he just went out of the studio to call you back, despite wearing thin layers in the rather cold weather.

The tables have turned. He spam called you many many times but you refused to answer, and even switched off your phone when you reached your best friends house. You explained the whole situation to her and she was being a really great listener.

—

1 week later

Season has changed. Temperature has dropped, just like your heart. You were counting down to the end of the year and there were 25 more days to next year. Of course, you still decided not to answer any of his phone call, despite it keep coming in everyday. On average he called you 50 times a day just to bet on a chance that you will answer.

After a week of cooling down, you felt that it was unfair to just ended things on one sided. It was not like he betrayed you or anything that stepped onto your principles, and you guessed it would be fine to give him a chance to speak up for himself and end things on a formal note, between you and him.

The next time he called again was at 9pm, and you decided to pick up the call.

“y/n? Are you y/n? Can you hear me? You finally picked up my call,” the guy at the other end of the phone spoke with hope.

“I can hear you. Any issue?” you replied him with a cold tone even though your heart and mind told you to be kinder.

“I-i-i, can we meet for a moment? Just 30mins, 30mins to talk, i promise i wont exceed the timing… please?” he was literally begging you. If only you were physically there, he would probably went down on his knees to beg you to spare some time for him.

“…where,when,time?” you kept silent for a moment before replying. You were contemplating if you should agree to it, but you still did.

“The same usual cafe we go to, tomorrow 4pm,” he quickly replied before allowing any possible rejections from you.

“Noted,” you replied with one word before cutting the call.

Being cold was so tough. You wanted to show how ignorant you were to him but whenever he speaks, you felt yourself melting and you hated yourself for being so weak on that.

Shall see how it goes tomorrow, you thought.

—

Hiding under a quiet sky, emptying my heart.

It’s easier to push than to forget, right?

Did i miss that time? Did i miss you?

The regret of not to knowing my own name.

—

Next day

You specially woke up earlier to finish your work before meeting him, as you felt that you needed to prepare yourself and master the courage to meet the person you loved and hated after such a long time.

You wore a turtleneck knitted dress that covered all the way down to your calf with a windbreaker over you. You also wore a beanie that was once given by Hyunjin when it was your birthday 2 years back. You adored the beanie so much and you did not dare to wear too often as you were worried it would worn off easily.

Thay day just felt like the day to wear it hence you placed it elegantly over your long brown hair. Taking one last check, you left the house after wearing your brown leather boots that was also given by him as christmas present.

Oh yea, Christmas was in 17 days… and how many Christmas had you celebrated with him? You once thought that you will be able to celebrate Christmas every year with him till the day you both have reached the end of your chapter of life but it seemed like, you will be celebrating without him anymore…

You came to the junction. The cafe was opposite where you were standing, and you saw a familar figure standing on the other side of the street waving at you. He dialed your phone which you don’t understand why as you would be meeting him soon, but you answered the call anyways.

“Y/n, I will wait for you here okay? And, look up in the sky, can you see the snow falls?” he pointed in the air and as you looked up, he was right. It was snowing, and it was the first day of snow in that year. You were still wondering to yourself if you would break the record of being the only one seeing the first snow for the year but somehow, you still caught it with him, even though being a street away.

“Yea i do, it is really pretty,” your lips curved up a little bit as you see more snows falling onto your handgloves.

Even though the weather was cold, but you felt your heart getting warmer because the snow healed your heart and, somehow he was there for you, even though not in the past 8 months.

“It’s green light now,” he reminded you softly and you made your way towards him. Suddenly, you felt that there were so many words that you wanted to tell him despite you trying to brush them off. As you walked closer step by step to him, the feeling of how you missed him so badly rised. You felt like sprinting towards his embrace but, it was too late.

You were so engrossed in looking at him and being on the phone made you neglected that there was a huge truck driving at abnormally fast speed which happened to collide with you so badly, that you were being knocked a distance away, leaving you lying in a pool of blood that originated from your whole body, especially your head.

It felt like the whole time was stopped. Cars stopped, people stopped. Everyone was taken aback by what has happened in seconds and some were screaming as they saw the huge amount of blood started to stain the road that was getting white due to the snow.

You were in awful extreme pain. You felt that your bones were dislocating from every part of your body and you felt your head aching and spinning so badly, and you couldn’t recognise or hear your surrounding anymore.

The only thing you could hear was someone calling your name repetitively in a familiar voice.

Hyunjin was in total shock when he saw you being hit by the huge truck and the impact of you being thrown metres away. His mind went blank for moment before he dashed to your side, to see blood started to flood around you. He felt someone was choking him and squeezing his heart so badly that he couldn’t breathe.

“Y/n? y/n? y/n? Can you hear me?! Please don scare me babe, please, i cannot lose you, i cannot breathe without you being right by side,” Hyunjin started crying as he saw that blood keeps oozing out of your body no matter how hard he tried to stop it.

He was in total depair and he was screaming for help. He couldn’t care less about his idol image that was built over the past few years. What he only knew was, he needed to save you.

You were slowly starting to black out due to the enormous amount of pain that you couldn’t cope and you were running out of breath. You knew that time was running out.

“SOMEONE PLEASE, CALL THE AMBULANCE, IM BEGGING PLEASE!” Hyunjin was in a broken state while trying to seek help from people and coping with the truth of you were being hit and the fact that you would be dying anytime.

He still got so many words that he wanted to tell you but everything were swallowed back when he saw that tragedy.

You tried to master all your energy to use your hand and reached out to his face, but you realised your hands were filled with blood, which was not supposed to stain his beautiful face. You wanted to retract it but he took your hands over and placed on his damp cheeks.

“Hyunjin, can you come closer? I can’t raise my voice,” you squeezed your words out of your mouth while trying not to cry, as it would made you hurt even more.

He leaned in closer to your mouth while soothing your hair. “Yes, i am here babe, i am,” he caressed your hand and placed kisses on them while his tears came in contact with your hand.

“Hyunjin, there were so many words i wanted to tell you, but it seems like, i don’t have time. I just need you to know that, i love you, always, and forever, no matter where i am, my heart will always be with you… what a pity,” you gathered all your last bit of energy to convey your feelings towards him, before you stopped breathing.

And yes, you left the world when the first snow came in that year, leaving Hyunjin alone behind. What you cannot hear was him unable to hold the heartbreak any longer and he was on his knees in a disheveled heap as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

If only he could rewind the time, if only he could have talked to you more, if only he could spent time with you more, if only he could be the one walking towards you, the whole tragedy would not have happened.

And he knew that, you will never return to his side anymore.

—

I find you in my memory,

Holding your hand and walking.

It was a warm winter,

Everything was beautiful back then.

—

Aftermath

Hyunjin suffered almost everyday for the past 1.5 years ever since that accident happened. He was in the circle of guilt and constantly self-blaming for not cherishing you enough when you were alive.

He decided to declare hiatus and move back to the house you both once live in to get a hold of himself. It was so tough initially as he had to live in that house without you anymore. When he stepped back into the house, he couldn’t help but to reminisce the happy moments you both shared when younger at each corner of the house.

Especially the bedroom made him collapsed when he opened the door. He saw all the photoframes that lied peacefully on your study table and the sheets were neatly laid, awaiting for you to come home.

And he did, but alone.

He was also diagnosed with insomnia, as everytime he fell asleep he would always dream of you and ended up crying when he woke up from his slumber. He couldn’t count how many times his pillow was wet from the tears and he felt every second ticking was meant to kill him inside.

“Karma,” he laughed at himself.

—

It feels like I woke up from a long dream,

It’s snowing and time is flying.

Will the season where I embraced you come again?

I have to send it now, but it’s hard.

—

Now

Thankfully, his members were all very concern of him and visited him frequently to ensure he was okay and healing from the pain. The older members would always talked to him patiently and hear him out, and the younger ones would prepare little gifts for him to cheer him up.

And now, he managed to gather his courage and stand back on stage, facing STAYs who have been patiently waiting for him to come back. They were all very understanding towards Hyunjin’s situation and gave him encouragements through his SNS.

Hyunjin was able to walk out of the past and live on his life as an idol, bearing in mind that your heart is always with him, even though not on the same world. Whenever he felt discouraged or missed you, he will open the letter you wrote for him when you both first got together and he always keep in his wallet.

“Do what you love and love what you do. I will always be behind your back and support you. Don’t doubt your choices and you are the best, live your life to the fullest as you only live once.”

—

Moving on

Subsequently, whenever the first snow fall every year, he will definitely space out some time to visit the cafe that you did not manage to meet him that year and buy a cup of americano and a cup of caramel latte that you loved, placing it on the opposite side of the table that nobody seats on.

He knew that you loved corner seats, especially those that were right beside the glass window so you were able to catch the scenic view outside. He also knew you love winter season as it symbolises the end of year is coming and new year awaits for both of you.

“Babe, today is the first winter fall of the year, did you manage to catch it?” He mumbled to himself and probably you who may hear it in somewhere he can’t see.

“I love you, and i miss you.”

—

I loved you, loved you, loved you,

As you did, loved you, loved you, loved you.

Again it falls, the snow falls,

We fall apart,

But our hearts never.

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjin ff #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin x reader #skz x reader #stray kids #hyunjin angst #skz angst #winter falls

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a-pretty-nerd · 5 years ago

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Things Get Rough (Roderick Heffley x Reader Smut)

Request: "could u write a smut about sex with rodrick after a fight? plzz 😔 (sorry for my bad english, im from latin america)" ~ Anonymous

A/N: This Will Be My Last Free Fanfic. This was the last thing I am accepting as an unpaid fanfiction writer. Im sorry it took a little while, I've been busy. And honestly I was surprised that I had never done this prompt before??? Thank you for the request 💕

P.s. This is litterally so late I'm ashamed. When I recieved this request and decided to stop taking requests I was at a really dark place and yknow fanfic writing takes a back seat. So again, I apologize to anon and everyone that has supported me.

Warnings: Sex, yelling? Theres an argument.

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How could he? How could be just sit there, twirling his stupid drum sticks as he talked with his stupid friends about something even stupider? At first you thought he was planning something special to ask you. Like chocolates or flowers or a big banner saying something cheesy like: "Rock on to Prom with me?" All the other girls were getting asked!

And your boyfriend, just sat there. Prom was approaching quickly and if he didnt ask you soon, how were you supposed to coordinate your outfits? Did Rodrick even own a tux? You were doubtful. You sat next to him on the bench before the first bell, your blood boiling as the thought consumed you.

Did he even want to go to prom with you? Did he even want you? Did you mean anything to him? Clearly not if he's not going to ask you.

You watched him laugh with his friends before his head swiveled to your brooding gaze. That dumb smile of his still plastered to his face. He starred at you for a second before speaking.

"What?" He asked dumbly.

"Hmph!" You huffed before plucking yourself up from you seat and walking away. Rodrick's smile dropped. He looked at his friends and shrugged.

You tried to avoid him the rest of the day, which was hard because you had social studies together second period, and usually he copied your homework. But not today. Today you sat far, far away from that heartless jerk. He watched you enter with a dumb smile, expecting you to sit next to him as usually. But you turned the other cheek and sat across the room. Rodrick looked confused, he looked at the chair next to him and back at you with a sheepish scowl. That fool.

You hid at lunch so he wouldn't find you, and you decided to walk home that day so you wouldn't have to suffer an awkward ride home from him. You didn't need his charity. As you walked, you heard the faint putter of a certain vehicle. You knew that sound a mile away. You tried to walk faster but it didnt help, soon that stupid spray painted fan was right on your tail.

"Hey..." Rodrick called from the drivers side, "why are you ignoring me?" He called.

"I'm not ignoring you." You spat with your head help high in defiance.

"Yeah you are! You've been ignoring me all day!" His head swayed back and forth from the road to you. You continued to ignore him. "Aw c'mon Y/N! At least let me drive you home!" You didn't speak. "Please, just talk to me! I'll do anything!" He whined like a sad dog. "Did I do something wrong again? Just tell me, I'll fix it!" You stopped and starred at him with rage burning in your eyes.

"If you really cared about me, you'd have already fixed it!" You shouted beforr stomping off again.

"Fixed what!? What did I do!?" Rodrick cried after you with a sad and fustrated huff. He watched you turn the corner to your house disappear inside.

That night, you cried into your pillow as you though about him. You wiped away mascara stained tears as you starred fondly of a picture of the two of you together. That was the night he first ask you out, after his band played a show. Suddenly you heard a tapping at your window.

Rodrick stood there in your backyard, tossing pebbles at your window. By the time you opened it to call down to him, you watched him stumble back in surprise as he tossed down a rock that more than likely shattered the glass. Lucky you.

"What do you want!?" You hissed ar him.

"I'm sorry!" He shouted.

"Shhhhhh sshhut up! Everyones asleep!" You shouted, in a hushed tone.

"I'm sorry! I..I brought you some flowers!" He hushed back, holding up a handful of harshly picked and bruised flowers he definitely got from his mother's garden. You sighed.

"Fine...come up." You walked back to your room and watched Rodrick climb up the tree beside your window and crawl like a turtle into your room with a loud thud. "Do you even know what you're apologizing for?" You scoffed at him.

"For hurting your feelings?" He asked as he stood from his place on the floor.

"No!- well, yes, but do you know how you hurt my feelings?" He took a look pause.

"No." You huffed in disbelief.

"Prom, Rodrick! You never asked me to be your date to prom!" Yknow, that sounded a lot more dramatic and heartwrenching in your head. He starred at you for a moment and then slowly he face scrunched up in confusion.

"What?" He asked, slowly walking towards you. "You're mad at me, because I didn't ask you, my girlfriend, to prom?" It sounded worse when he said it. He turned your head and crossed your arms.

"...yes." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head.

"But your my girlfriend, so obiviously we're going together!"

"Well how am I supposed to know that, you never brought it up!"

"Neither did you!"

"But you're the one thats supposed to ask me to the prom! You're supposed to prompose!" You shouted.

"Why would I when I thought we were already going together!?"

"Because its what your supposed to do!" You didn't realize how close he was. You didn't realize how much taller he was than you or how his hands reached out and grabbed your face. You didn't have time to move until it was already too late. His lips were on your lips and your hands were in his hair and his hands let go of your face to wrap around you in a passionate embrace.

His chest heaved as he took deep and powerful breaths in between kisses. You shuffled back as you fell on the twin bed behind you. You moaned as his hands reached up your pajamas. His cold fingers ran across your warm flesh and his hims began to buck against yours.

Soon clothes were flying and your heart raced frantically. You craved him, unable to think of anything but him, anything but this. Right here, right now. Horomones raged on as he frantically unbuckled him belt and threw his pants down. His erection sorung free, eager and ready to please you. He slid a condom over his length and without missing a beat, leaned over you for another fevered kiss before entering. You gasped and threw your head back as it began. Your hands clawed at his back as he started to thrust into you. At first it was nice and steady but they got harder and faster as the tention built inside you.

He buried his face into the crook of your neck and let out helpless grunts and moans of your name. His muscles tensed as you felt him get closer and closer to his limit. Just a little more, just a few more sloppy, deep thrusts and you were done for. He reached a hand down to pleasure you further as his angle changed, hitting you perfectly. You came undone and around him. His jaw dropped and he gasped as a few more thrusts pushed him over.

"I-I'm gonna-" he groaned before spilling himself into the condom. The two of you were left panting, sweating messes, as per usual. You cleaned yourselves up and shared a few sweet kisses to calm your nerves before settling into one another's arms.

"So black and red?" You asked eventually, Rodrick still panting.

"Huh?" He huffed.

"Our colors for prom, black and red?"

"Oh...oh yeah that sounds nice."

#smut #Rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x reader smut #this is the last one I swear #never doing this again #i swear to god #notmyrodrick

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hopelikethemoon · 4 years ago

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Therapy Session (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Therapy Session Rating: PG Length: 2000 Warnings: Mild Angst. Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in January 1999. Summary: Reader goes to therapy after the holidays.

@grapemama@seawhisperer@huliabitch@beccaplaying@rogrsnbarnes@thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns@gooddaykate@livasaurasrex@ham4arrow@plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn@lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale @roxypeanut@snivellusim@lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts@synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper@awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie@swhiskeys@lady-tano @u-wakatoshii @space-floozy@cable-kenobi @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes@findhimfives@pedrosdoll@frietiemeloen@arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour@heather-lynn@domino-oh-damn@cyarikaaa@ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl@yabby-girl@xqueenofthecraziesx@punkass-potato@coredrive@pascalesque@theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar@sabinemorans@buckstaposition@holkaskrosnou@yespolkadotkitty@fleetwoodmactshirt @seeking-a-great–perhaps @kochamcie@jaime1110@katlikeme

Nancy carefully removed her glasses sitting them atop her desk before opening a drawer and pulling out a glasses cleaning cloth. “How were the holidays?”

You watched her hands as she wiped each lean carefully, inspecting them for smudges.

“Surprisingly relaxing.” You offered, shifting on the sofa as your gaze flickered towards the clock on the wall. Javier had agreed to joining you for today’s session — at Nancy’s prompting.

“You slipped your December session,” Nancy pointed out.

“It was a busy month.” You pushed your fingers through your hair nervously. “But a good one. We went to Laredo for Thanksgiving, came back and went headfirst into planning for Christmas.”

“And how did Christmas go?”

“Really well,” You caught your lip between your teeth, hesitating for just a second. “Mitch and his family came down from Philly. It was good to see him again. All of them, really.”

“So you did follow through with that,” Nancy tilted her head, her eyes meeting yours briefly. “Did it bring any memories back to the surface?” She questioned.

“I…” You started glancing down at your hands. “There have been a lot of memories since October.”

“And how does it feel to be addressing them again? Based on your session in November,” Nancy flipped open her notebook. “You repressed quite a bit of your childhood.”

“Yes.” You agreed. “But, Javier was incredible and let me vent about the past. He kept me grounded. He was so understanding.”

She nodded, making a note in the book. “How have you been managing the memories?

You blinked, “I’m not running from them, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I mentioned nothing about running.”

“No, but…” You frowned. “It’s just the impression I get. After the last session—“

“When it became clear that you avoided addressing deeply traumatic aspects of your life during your subsequent visits?” Nancy arched a brow at you as she replaced her glasses, peering at you over the rims. “Why is it that you see yourself as running from your trauma?”

“Because I’ve moved past it.” You said with an edge to your voice, “Would you prefer that I dwell on it?” You questioned. “It would keep me coming back, wouldn't it?”

Nancy made a note in the book, “Defensive.”

You folded your arms across your chest, “I spent sixteen years living in the trauma and five trying to grow out of it.” You gritted out. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t second guess my actions out of fear that I’ve become her.”

“So you haven’t moved past it?”

“No, I—“

Nancy gave you a skeptical look. “It’s not uncommon to feel like your trauma is ever present, but you have to accept and address that. You can’t simply pretend it away.”

“I have addressed it.” You retorted. “I’ve packed it up, stamped a label on it, and have it ready to ship.”

Nancy shook her head, “Trauma is never fully overcome, it's a process you have to work at.” She jotted another note down. “You mentioned feeling like you’ve become her… Would you care to elaborate?”

You chewed on your thumbnail, looking away from her for a long moment. “I stress about motherhood. I’m consciously aware of doing everything the opposite of what she did while raising my girls. I want them to have everything I didn’t have.”

“Like what?”

“Love.” You answered without hesitation. “Javier and I love each other in a way my mother was never capable of loving her partners. And on top of that, I try to show them the love they deserve. That’s part of the reason why I ended up here to begin with. The way I felt after Sofía was born scared me.”

Nancy nodded, glancing down at the notebook. “The fact that you’re aware of your actions, would indicate that you’re not following the same patterns as your mother.”

“I hope I’m not.” You sighed heavily, looking towards the door as someone knocked at it. “That’ll be Javier.” You told Nancy as she got up to answer the door.

“Welcome,” Nancy ushered him in. “We were just finishing our first half of the session.” She gestured to you, “Please, sir.”

Javier sank down onto the sofa beside you, reaching over to take your hand into his. “How are you doing, baby?” He questioned, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle.

You shrugged, “We’re about ten minutes into — why I didn’t address the mother elephant in the room.”

He squeezed your hand three times.

“How have you been, Javier?” Nancy questioned as she sat down at her desk again. “How were the holidays?”

“I’ve been good.” He answered, shifting on the sofa as he got comfortable. “We went to see my pops for Thanksgiving, took the girls and the dog and made a week of it.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, glancing at you. “Did you tell her about your brother coming to visit?”

You nodded.

“How did that go?”

“Really well,” Javier offered, shrugging a shoulder. “Christmas Eve we had friends and family altogether to welcome them, “Christmas morning was just family.”

Nancy nodded, “We didn’t get to meet after the Halloween incident.” She flipped through her notebook. “How did you cope with the scenario?”

“How did I cope?” He cocked his head to the side. “Frankly, it wasn’t about how I felt during it. I was merely there to stand up for her.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

“But given what I was told, it seems that her mother antagonized you. How did that make you feel?”

Javier cleared his throat, rubbing his hands together. “Not great, but after our relationship ended up in the public spotlight, I learned to ignore outside commentary.”

You reached out and ran your hand down his back, “Rebecca knows where to strike.” You added. “She would’ve lashed out similarly to any man in my life. She knew that my father was my lifeline and she always saw any male figure in my life as a threat.”

Javier nodded his head in agreement. “We worked through it. I listened, I comforted… everything you taught us to do after Sofía was born.”

Nancy hastily wrote in her notebook, “On a scale of one to ten, how well do you think the situation was handled.”

He blinked, “Nine?”

You pursed your lips and nodded in agreement, “I’d say nine too.”

“Interesting.” Nancy hummed and your expression fell.

“Interesting?”

“Nothing negative about interesting,” She assured you. “And how has your intimacy been? Has it suffered during this tumultuous period?”

You felt your cheeks warm as you shook your head, “No, it’s been good.”

“A few stolen minutes when the girls are asleep,” Javier added, staring at the ground.

“There was also the night at the ranch,” You pointed out, leaning your arm against his. That had been a risky endeavor, considering you were very much not alone. “And we were kid free for New Year’s Eve.”

Nancy nodded and took a few more notes before closing her notebook and looking between the two of you, “What are the faces for?”

You felt Javier tense beside you, “Nothing we’re comfortable with sharing right now.” You told Nancy, looping your arm through his. “Just rest assured that we’ve got intimacy covered. No dry spells here.”

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “Definitely no complaints here.”

You fought the smirk that was playing at the corners of your lips. New Year’s Eve had been all of two days ago — and the memory of Javier writhing beneath you was still vivid in your mind.

But that was not a conversation for therapy.

Nancy hummed thoughtfully as she sat her glasses atop her notebook. “Continue addressing the situation head-on,” She advised. “You can patch the wounds of trauma, but they’ll still ache. Continue discussing it with each other.” She fixed Javier with a stern look. “I suggest opening up about your own mother.”

Javier shifted in his seat, “Alright.”

“Have a lovely rest of your month,” Nancy said as you both rose from the sofa to leave.

“That was—“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head slowly. “I shouldn’t have skipped December.”

“Hey,” Javier caught your hand, pulling you towards him. “December was crazy.”

“I don’t actually want to rehash things.” You told him. “Mitch and I had a walk down memory lane and that’s about all I can stomach for right now. Rebecca doesn’t get to live rent free in our relationship.”

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “If you don’t feel like you need to work on it right now, don’t.”

You sighed heavily, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. “I didn’t even get to talk about starting at the university next week.”

“Still a good session?”

You shrugged, “It’s good to talk about everything with a third party. I cried my heart out in November, this month didn’t really have anything left to give.”

Javier interlaced your fingers and guided you out of the office building and down to the car. He was clearly trying to make up for you being disappointed with the session, because he made a point to open the passenger door for you.

You loosely tied your hair back into a knot as you got yourself settled in your seat. “Thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to.”

He squeezed your knee briefly, before starting up the car and backing out of the parking spot. “Baby, I’ll do whatever I have to, to help you.”

You smiled to yourself, looking out the window. “I’m really fine.” You assured him. “I’m not gonna spiral because of any of this. I did that in November and I’m not doing it again.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving a stiff nod. “What else did you discuss?”

“Uh,” You scrunched up your nose. “The holidays, Mitch, my mother. Rehashed some of the last session briefly.” You shrugged. “I felt like she was hoping I might unload. But I’m so done dwelling on the past, Javier.”

“Me too, baby.”

“You know I worry about becoming her. About curbing those impulses when they strike.”

Javier nodded.

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek and sighed heavily. “It was only sixteen years of my life.” You reiterated. “I’m pushing forty. I’ve got my only family to worry about.”

“And you’ve done a fucking amazing job, baby.” He assured you.

“It’s just bullshit,” You laughed harshly. “Isn’t it something that I overcame my hang ups when Josie happened? I never could imagine all of this,” You gestured vaguely between. “Because I had no reference of healthy relationships aside from Mitch and Darla. Not to speak ill of the dead, because I know my mother was a monster, but my father still left me with her. You know? And I just assumed it would… repeat.”

“I know.” None of it was new information for Javier.

“I mean, did Nancy want to hear me admit again that I still wake up in the middle of the night terrified that you left me?” You pressed your palms over your eyes and let out a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rubbed your leg. “How about pizza tonight?” Javier questioned, expertly changing the subject.

You perked up a little, “Extra cheese.” You said, snapping your fingers and pointing at him. “And you can order your monstrosity.”

“Blame Monica.”

“Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza, Javier.” You scolded him, but ended up snorting as you started to laugh.

“Did you just snort?” Javier started laughing, slapping his hand against the steering wheel as he stopped at a light. “Baby!”

“Hey, pineapple… and ham pizza is a divorceable offense.” You managed to get out between laughs.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not, but I can threaten it.” You teased, wiping at the tears that had slid down your cheeks from laughing so hard. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” Javier reminded you and you felt your heart warm at those words. Still, after all this time they made you swoon. What would you do without him?

#javier pena #javier pena x reader #pedro pascal x reader

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csykora · 4 years ago

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I'm so sorry, I feel like an idiot, but apparently I missed Brett Connolly? Or I can't recall who he is off the top of my head, which is shameful. Um, he won the cup with us, right? and I think maybe was friends with Beags? Something about Beags? idk im so sorry, I feel embarrassed about this but no embarrassment for being on 4th can of mt rush, hands shaky and thoughts are going so fast

Please take a gentle breath and look at these photos.

Brett Connolly played with the Capitals for three seasons and helped them win a Cup. He also one of my personal favorite humans in the NHL.

Brett Connolly was born 28 years ago in northern British Columbia, and almost immediately got injured.

When he was five, he tried to climb over one of those big metal vehicle gates to get to the lake to swim, and it crashed shut on his right hand.

“I remember that day,” Brett said. “I obviously squished my hand. It was pretty sore.”

“I’m glad there were good surgeons on Vancouver Island*, and they could repair my hand. It was a freak accident. Thankfully, I have a hand today….I was so young I didn’t really realize the seriousness of the whole thing. Looking back, obviously it could have hampered my career if I didn’t have my hand.”

He describes the surgery as “pretty long.” x

Those quotes might give you the impression that Brett Connolly doesn’t give a fuck about anything. That is not true.

Brett Connolly loves 1) his wife 2) popped collars 3) Devante Smith-Pelly.

Conno played very well through most of juniors and played for Team Canada in World Juniors, where he won silver and also took a bad hit and injured his hip. He played just 16 games with his junior team in his draft year. He managed 10 goals and 19 points in those games, though, convincing Steve Yzerman to draft him 6th overall for the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Conno debuted with the Lightning, before Yzerman decided to send him down to get more minutes. He scored 31 goals in 71 games for the Syracuse Crunch his first year, and then got loaned back to Team Canada. The only other NHLer on that Junior team was fellow 19 year-old Devante Smith-Pelly, on loan from the Ducks.

Devante broke his foot their first game, so then he just had to hang out. Bonding happened.

Back on the Lightning, Conno got traded to the Bruins, and broke his hand.

BOSTON (CBS) — The newest Bruins winger just became the latest Bruins winger to suffer an injury.

Brett Connolly, acquired early Monday morning in a trade with Tampa Bay, was hit by a puck during Wednesday’s practice. The Bruins announced shortly after practice that Connolly will be out for six weeks with a displaced fracture of his right index finger.

Connolly had just skated in his second official practice with the Bruins, who sent two second-round picks to the Lightning to acquire him on Monday.

That six-week timetable could have Connolly ready to rejoin the lineup just before the regular season ends.

Brett left the Bruins, and signed with the Washington Capitals. He hit 15 goals for the first time in the NHL. He liked it so much that the next summer, when Devante was facing free agency, Brett called and told him he would love it in Washington, too.

“I thought it was a good fit for him, and I think with the team and how everything is run here, it’s a good spot for guys to just be themselves, show their personalities in whatever way and just play and not really put too much pressure on anything,” Connolly told Japer’s Rink later. “It’s a good environment to get better and just play and have fun.”

“It’s funny how things work, I mean, that was a long time ago and now here we are,” Devante said. “Moved from Toronto together, started working out together and became good friends, great friends... it ends up being a small world but we’ve come very close.”

Partly through their wives’ friendship, Brett had gotten close with John Carlson, who would end up being a friend of Devante’s as well. Devante was already friends with Tom Wilson:

“I remember [he] used to watch my games, I think it’s funny to think of now; he’s a grown man, he’s a big boy now,” Devante said.

“[Wilson and Connolly] are two guys, if I need anything, to get anything off my chest and vice versa, we can go to each other. We can all be very honest with each other, always go to each other since we’re such good friends.”

That was the start of the 2017-18 season. Conno scored 15 goals again in the regular season and bumped up the assists. Devante scored a chill seven goals in 24 playoff games.

Twice in the first round, twice in the Eastern Conference final, then in the Game 3 3-1 victory over the Vegas Golden Knights and in the Game 4’s 6-2 blowout, then when the Caps were down a goal halfway through the third period of Game 5, he scored the tying goal on an assist from Brooks Orpik of all people**.

(Brett, the slacker, only scored 6 playoff goals.)

"He’s probably the reason why I have a ring,” Conno said last summer. “There’s no question, with that goal he scored in Game 5, and all the goals he scored all the way through. That’s something that’ll never be taken away from him."

Another thing we will all always have is this photo of Brett Connolly eating pizza and getting a bicep tattoo (which Devante then paid for a Caps fan to have tattooed on his bicep.

When Devante announced he would not visit the White House because of the president’s “racist and sexist” statements, Conno said he would support him, adding, “It’s not about ‘politics’. It’s about right and wrong.” After discussing with the rest of the team, the two of them both stayed home.

On his Cup day, Conno took it to the retirement home where his mother works, then to meet youth players and then a photo session with thousands of fans in BC, where he raffled jerseys and other Caps items to raise money for the Brock Hirsche Memorial Scholarship Fund at the University of Lethbridge. Hirsche was a friend and teammate who had recently passed away from cancer.

Conno went on to score 22 goals the next season, and doubled his assists for almost 50 points. When Tom Wilson got suspended, Conno got his first line spot. Which is why the Florida Panthers now pay him way more money than we did (he was already sitting at 19 goals in 69 games for them when the season ended). Devante has left us for the KHL, but Conno believes he’ll be back.

"Whoever does end up signing him, they’re going to get the best Devante Smith-Pelly that Washington got a couple years back….There’s a team that’s going to get a really good player."

In conclusion, love and decency are good for your skin. So is sleep.

*Vancouver is about 9 hours drive away: presumably he was sent by air. I.e., it was a pretty bad squish.

**if anyone has forgotten Brooks Orpik, please @ me

#Brett Connolly #is a babe #devante smith pelly #tom wilson #washington capitals #florida panthers

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mikarenea · 4 years ago

Text

Nobody asked for this, here it is nonetheless.

Some fluff/angst. TW: reference to sex

English is not my first language so the grammar and vocab is far from perfect lol. im sorry tho.

They were staying at the safe-house they had in the North of Spain. It was rather small, but comfortable enough and practically isolated, which was perfect to begin with Nile's training with the sword and axe. Even if it was quite close from a big town, it was far enough to be free of walking-by locals and other people who may be surprised to find two women fighting with swords in the middle of the countryside.

The sun was setting on the horizon. Nile was having her first lesson with the axe, listening carefully to Andy's instructions on the grass field in front of the house, when Nicky and Joe walked out the front door.

“We are going to the market to buy some stuff...” Yusuf said with a smirk. “We're taking the car. See you later!”

“Wait, can I go?” the three of them turned to Nile and Andy chuckled but said nothing, waiting for the couple's reaction.

“I don't really think you would want to” Nicolo began, fidgeting nervously, followed by Yusuf “Yeah, you gotta finish with today's training. Also, is quite late already so...”

“Alright, but come back for dinner...” Andy said dismissively, laughing at Nicky's expression of sarcastic discrepancy with which he answered her.

And babbling a thousand made-up excuses, the two of them ran into the car, parked next to the house, and left before Nile could argue.

“I think I could have helped them... They don't speak contemporary Spanish, and I still remember what I learnt at high school...” she spoke, thoughtful. But before she went on, questioning herself, Andy placed a hand on her shoulder.

“You know that they are not going to the market, right?” she said. ‘How can she be so wise and innocent at the same time.’ Andy thought.

“Where are they going, then?”

“To a Motel, probably” she said with a grin.

Nile stopped a second and felt like her cheeks burned in embarrassment. “Oh.” Nile mumbled and Andy chuckled again. “Well yes, I think we gotta thank them that because the four of us sleep in the same room...”

Andromache sat down on the grass and put the axe aside. “Let's rest a bit. Turns out that being mortal is way more tiring that I expected.” Nile sat next to her, embarrassment still obvious in her face.

While Andy caught her breath, they stared up at the mountains and clouds on the horizon, still lighted by the warm colours of the setting sun, while the landscape around them darkened gradually.

"They are quite distant from each other." Nile broke the silence and Andy turned to her. "I mean, they are practically married, but despite the fact that they sleep tangled on each other, they always keep distance from each. It's not like they are supposed to display their love every second, and I understand that, through the centuries, they have learned to keep it secret to avoid getting into trouble. I don't even want to know what you all have suffered because of intolerance throughout history. But even when it is only the four of us, or Booker... when they know that they wont be judged by anyone...”

Andy smiled to herself and stared into the distance again. “Trust me, there was a time, centuries ago when there wasn't a single fucking day in which they wouldn't demonstrate their undying love for each other in front of us. You couldn't keep them away from each other, and had little problem with kissing or teasing each other around us. All over each other all the time, They were like teenagers...” a nostalgic smile was drawn on her lips, as she recalled times long way gone. “But they fit together so perfectly... it was like watching a perfect composition. It is also true that we were something similar, Quynh and I..."

“And it all changed when you lost Quynh, right?” Nile observed and Andy turned to meet her eyes 'This girl is too smart for her own good' she thought.

“Yes...” she admitted, her gaze going back to the darkening landscape “When they got me out of that damned cell and I told them what had happened... crying like I hadn’t done in millennia... they didn’t say a word and held me like the desperate child I felt I was. I had never felt as desperate, as powerless as I did in that moment. I didn’t want to eat or sleep. I just wanted to get her out of the terrible prison she was in. And while we looked for her they took care of me. When we finally had to give up and continue with our lives, returning to our missions and trying to make the world a better place, something had already changed and I hadn’t noticed until then." she sighed, thinking bitterly of those days, carved so deeply and painfully in her memory. “They didn’t seem to be so close, so clingy to each other as they used to be. The loud praising words, for everyone to hear, were replaced by subtle smiles and gazes. They would stop immediately and turn their attention to me if I happened to walk into them kissing or cuddling, which they didn’t before. And above it all, they spent as much time as they could with me. They didn’t want me to be alone and they didn’t want me to remember the time when it was the four of us against everything else. They knew that if I was left alone, my own regrets and guilt would end me, but if they acted as they had done until then, memories would drag me to an bottomless pit of grief. I was so frail then and they did exactly what they had to do to keep me right.” and then she muttered something under her breath.

‘Gods, I love them so much.’ Nile managed to understand.

Suddenly Andy stood up and took hold of the axe again. “They would leave me on my own for longer periods of time, but never over a year. When we found Booker, we were already used to that dynamic. Nowadays, as you can see, this kind of distance they keep is like a joke between us.” she looked at Nile, staring thoughtfully at her, eyes torn between pity and deep comprehension. “Don’t look at me like that, stand up and lets continue with your training.”

....

They didn’t come back until dawn, when they walked into Andy and Nile having breakfast in the kitchen.

“We brought bread.” Nicky said, placing the carton on the counter.

“And you’ve been waiting for the wheat to grow?” Andy snorted.

"Perhaps you went to buy it all the way to France." Nile commented sarcastically. Yusuf looked at her and later to Andromache ‘Honestly boss,” he said “I think that you two are spending too much time together.”

#the old guard #andromaque #nile freeman #yusuf al kaysani #nicolo di genova #immortal husbands #joe x nicky #nile is a baby #and so smart #and so strong

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dawninlatin · 5 years ago

Text

Queen of Peace, chapter 9

A Manorian High School AU

Words: 2780

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

Sometimes I wish for falling

Wish for the release

Wish for falling through the air

To give me some relief

-Florence + The Machine, Falling

«So what did you do yesterday? Since you’re doing your homework last minute.» Dorian looked up from his math homework to find Manon taking him in with an amused expression.

They were sitting in the busy coffee shop a few blocks from school, spending their shared free period eating lunch together. Or, Manon was eating lunch while Dorian tried his very best to finish the homework he’d forgotten to do last night.

A few weeks had passed since the two of them had agreed to be friends, and almost immediately they’d fallen into a rhythm. They got coffee after school, they hung out during free periods, they met up at the library to do homework together. Manon still claimed she only did this so Dorian would stop bugging her, but she’d been the one suggesting they go out for lunch today.

«Erhm-,» Dorian begun, debating whether the truth would make her laugh or make him lose his last shred of dignity or both, even. Fuck it, he decided and confidently stated, «I was up watching Riverdale.» If you’re losing your dignity, better do it with swagger.

It took Manon a while to actually register what he’d said, but when she did, she set down her coffee and let out a snort. A snort that quickly turned into her lilting cackle. One thing Dorian had learned over these past few weeks was that nothing made her laugh harder than his suffering, and to be honest, Dorian didn’t mind. Not at all. She was adorable when she laughed.

«You didn’t mean that? Right?» Manon asked, suddenly all serious. «Please tell me you’re joking.» Dorian shot her a confused look.

«That show is literal trash,» she kept going once she realized Dorian had in fact not been kidding. «Sorry I changed my mind we’re not friends anymore, sorry, bye.» Manon even went as far as to start gathering up her things, but the barely-there smile playing on her lips told Dorian she was very much enjoying this.

«You just have to give it a try, it’s not that bad,» Dorian said, Manon sitting back down across from him. As he noticed a faint blush spreading on her cheeks, something in his head clicked into place. «You’ve watched it, haven’t you?»

Rolling her eyes, Manon answered, «Yes, but it was years ago. I watched a few episodes with Asterin.» Upon seeing Dorian’s smug expression, she quickly added, «Unwillingly.»

If it had been years ago…This time, Dorian was the one to break out into uncontrollable laughter. Oh my god, he thought, clutching his stomach. «You thought the first season was bad??» he managed to choke out. Manon only looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, having no idea what was so funny.

«I would give anything to see you watch season three and four. That’s when it really gets ridiculous,» Dorian explained, his laughter finally dying down. Manon chuckled and shook her head, returning to her half-full cup of coffee.

She stared out the window, and Dorian allowed himself to take her in, if only for a moment. There had been more and more of these moments over the past few weeks. Moments where she was looking a different way, moments where Dorian couldn’t stop his eyes from landing on her, moments where he found it impossible to look away. Dorian hadn’t let himself think about what it meant. Manon had been very clear from the beginning that they were only friends, and they would never be more than that.

Manon was like the sun, Dorian had decided. You knew you shouldn’t stare at it, but that was the exact reason why you did, why it was so hard to look away.

«Okay, but apart from Riverdale, have you watched anything good? I don’t watch much TV, but…» She never finished the sentence, seemingly lost in her own mind. Manon did that sometimes, trailing off to gods knew where. Dorian was certain it was a beautiful place.

Taking some time to think, Dorian tried to come up with a good show, sorting through the catalogue in his mind for something it was likely she had watched. Suddenly he thought of how she had loved reading a fantasy series, how eager she got whenever they discussed history or mythology. Hesitantly, he suggested, «Game of Thrones?» Manon’s eyes lit up.

«Yes!» She put down her empty cup. «Oh that was so good-»

«-apart from the final season,» Dorian finished.

A sigh. «Jon Snow deserved better.»

«I know. His storyline was a tragedy.»

Manon bit her lip, sinking further into her chair. «You know, I only started watching it because I thought he was hot.» She blushed, and Dorian couldn’t help but chuckle. «I stayed for the plot though. I swear!»

Same, Dorian nearly blurted out, before a voice in his head reminded him, Manon doesn’t know you’re bi. He wasn’t going to think about this now, so he shook his head and forced his signature smirk to appear, ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut.

«I still can’t get over the fact that you drink chocolate Frappuccinos with extra cream.» Smooth, Dorian, it definitely does not seem like you’re avoiding the subject of your shared fictional crush.

«Why?» she chuckled. «You expect me to order my coffee extra bitter so it matches my soul? While we’re at it, let me just gather up my things and head home to my cottage in the woods where I fly around on broomsticks and brew weird shit in cauldrons. My black cat must be tired of waiting.»

They were both laughing now, Manon’s dark, wicked sense of humor still taking him by surprise. «For real though, what do you do when you’re not at school or at dance practice?»

«Uhm,» Manon looked down at her shoes, suddenly uncomfortable. They hardly talked about serious stuff, private stuff. Dorian was ready to change the subject once more, but then she spoke: «I listen to music a lot, I guess.» A shrug.

«Anything good?»

«Doubt it, you seem like the type to listen to mainstream shit.»

«Please. And I bet your music isn’t as special as you think.»

«I bet you don’t know half of the stuff I listen to.»

«Why don’t you give me some examples?»

«Why don’t I send you a playlist when I get home?»

«Can’t wait,» Dorian smiled.

Gods, how difficult could it be to make a playlist?

Manon had been sitting with her laptop for an hour now, scrolling through her endless Spotify library to find the perfect songs. Nothing too mainstream, nothing too personal, nothing too impersonal. This was one hell of a challenge, she decided.

After narrowing it down to twenty songs she loved, after finding the perfect balance between upbeat and slow, between sad and happy, after meticulously arranging the order, making it not only a playlist, but a musical experience, Manon decided this would have to do.

Why do you care so much? She didn’t dare answer the question, too afraid of what the answer might mean. This was just her sending a friend a casual playlist.

Except it wasn’t. Nothing about her music was casual. It meant everything to her. Manon listened to music when she was happy, when she was sad, angry, whenever she felt lost and needed to be pointed back in the right direction. She listened to music when she was dancing, dreaming, disappearing. If one listened closely, her music revealed all her secrets, all her feelings, and for Manon, who was used to keeping it hidden away, locked in a box deep inside herself, sharing that with someone was terrifying.

But what terrified her the most right now, was that she actually wanted to share her music with Dorian. Being with him always left her feeling light and happy, she had started craving that feeling like a drug. And today…today when he had made her laugh so hard she’d had to set down her half-empty cup so as to not drop it, for a moment, Manon had imagined what it would be like to just lean in and kiss him. It would have been so easy, would have felt so good.

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that moment, about what it meant. Was she falling for him? Was she actually that stupid?

The only solution, really, was to stop hanging out with him, to ignore her feelings until they went away. So why haven’t you done it yet? Why do you keep going back?

Besides, even if she wanted to be more than friends, there was no way he felt the same way. Sure, he kept joking about how their meet-ups were dates, but that’s all it was, a joke. Being in a relationship with Dorian also meant letting him see who she was up-close, and as soon as he saw the broken, messed up truth, he surely would want nothing to do with her. Better to spare herself the heartbreak.

Ugh, feelings.

Manon decided it was too late to brood over such complex questions. Instead, she typed a quick message to Dorian, linked the playlist and hit send before she could change her mind.

Manon: Here’s the playlist. It’s best enjoyed if you listen to it in the right order. 22:03

And just like that it was done. Manon waited a few minutes for a reply and when none came, she quietly said to herself, «Girl, get your shit together.»

She stood up, stretched, and stepped out of her room to turn of all the lights, ready to just go to sleep. Asterin still hadn’t come home, but it was late, so she probably wouldn’t show up at all. What a surprise, Manon thought to herself.

When she reached the living room, she spied Abraxos staring at her from one of the couches. Manon turned of the lights and the creature immediately leapt to where she was standing in the hallway. «What kind of cat is afraid of the dark?» Manon asked her companion, sighing at his antics. Abraxos only stared up at her as if she was the stupid one.

It was true that the cat was afraid of the dark. Ever since he was a kitten, Abraxos simply refused to be alone in a room if the lights were off. Manon found it equally confusing and adorable.

She walked back to her bedroom, Abraxos trailing her like a shadow the entire time. Laying back down on the bed, Manon picked up her phone to see if Dorian had texted back yet. She couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when there was no new messages.

«Calm down, it’s not as if he’s looking at his phone at all hours, just waiting for you to text him, you creep,» she said to herself.

Instead of waiting, she opened Spotify, plugged in her earphones, and pressed play on the list she’d just sent Dorian, contempt to shut out the world for a little while.

That afternoon, when he’d gotten home from school, Dorian had waited, and waited, and waited, for a text from Manon, including a certain playlist she had promised him. He’d stared at his phone for hours, like some creep, hoping her name would pop up.

Around 10pm he’d given up and opted for spending some electronics-free quality time with his family. His mom’s suggestion, not his. Dorian had lasted about 20 minutes, before he once again fled to his room.

Leaving his phone alone had worked it’s magic though, because when he reunited with it, there was a text from Manon waiting to be opened. He was so eager he typed the wrong passcode. Twice.

Manon: Here’s the playlist. It’s best enjoyed if you listen to it in the right order. 22:03

The text was written in typical Manon-style. No spelling errors, perfect language, no emojis, only periods. What kind of teen only used periods when they texted? Manon never seized to surprise him.

Dorian opened the link, finding a playlist full of songs and artists he’d never heard of before. Told you. He could almost hear Manon’s voice say it, a smug smile playing on her lips.

Plugging his earphones in, Dorian leaned back and pressed play. In the right order, obviously.

About an hour later, as the final song died out into nothing, Dorian let out a long exhale, giving himself a moment to just be.

He didn’t know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. It was all so personal, so full of emotion and passion. The complete opposite of what he would have expected from Manon.

Dorian knew this was important. He had been shown a vital part of her, a part he suspected she hadn’t shown anyone before.

Who are you?

It was a question he had asked himself over and over again over the past few weeks. Manon was a mystery, a puzzle, and all that music, all that insight, felt like the most important piece of them all.

Who are you?

Yet he wasn’t sure if this had given him answers, or more questions.

Manon listened through the entire playlist without being able to fall a sleep. She had too much on her mind, too many thoughts churning in her head.

Her phone buzzed from the nightstand, and Manon sat up abruptly, knocking over a stack of books as she fumbled around for her phone. They landed on the floor with a bang, waking Abraxos from his carefree slumber in the process. The cat jumped and glared at Manon, then turned his back towards her, settling down once more. Manon did the mature thing and stuck out her tongue at him.

She’d nearly forgotten about the phone in her hand, but glancing down at the screen, she saw Dorian’s name, her heartbeat quickening in response.

Dorian: Sorry for not replying til now but I heard through the entire thing and fine you were right I hadn’t heard any of it before and yes you do have fantastic taste in music pls send me more!!!!! 23:41

Manon chuckled at his enthusiasm, pleased at having been right. She was about to type a response when she heard the front door open, then the sound of someone trying to stay quiet as they made their way through the house. Asterin.

She expected her cousin to go straight to her own room, but instead, Asterin stopped in front of Manon’s door, slowly pushing it open. She must’ve thought Manon was asleep, because she jumped slightly when she found Manon sitting upright, taking her in with curiosity and annoyance.

«I’m s-sorry, I thought you were sleeping,» Asterin whispered, her voice cracking. The sound of shuffling feet. A sniffle. Was Asterin crying?

Asterin walked over to Manon’s bed, and Manon made room for her, sliding under the covers. Asterin soon joined her, and neither said a word, Asterin’s soft crying filling the room.

«Did something happen?» Manon asked at last, unable to handle her cousin’s crying for much longer.

«You can’t tell her,» Asterin sobbed, burying her head in the mountain of pillows.

«Can’t tell her what?» Manon knew Asterin meant their grandmother, the heavy feeling in her stomach told her so. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear the answer. It couldn’t be anything good. Had she and Hunter broken up? Had someone hurt her?

Asterin furiously shook her head. «You have to promise, Manon. She c-can’t find out!»

«I promise,» Manon sighed, clearly uncomfortable. She’d never been good at dealing with crying people.

Still, Manon let Asterin creep closer, let her bury her face in the space between Manon’s neck and shoulder. Putting her arms around her shaking, crying cousin, Manon asked once more, «What’s wrong, Asterin?»

Asterin went completely still, not saying anything. Manon waited, waited to the point where she was sure her cousin had fallen asleep.

As Manon closed her own eyes, Asterin whispered something that made Manon go rigid, the words so quiet you could barely make them out.

«I’m pregnant.»

«Shit,» was all Manon could answer. She tried her hardest not to think about what their grandmother would do if she found out, panic spreading throughout her body.

Asterin started sobbing once more, so Manon began stroking her back, telling her to breathe, telling her to calm down, pushing aside her own worry and fear, for now. «It’s going to be okay,» she whispered to Asterin, not believing her own words one bit.

A/N: Wow I haven't updated this in forever. Sorry....

But as an apology I do come bearing gifts. Not only is this chapter the longest yet, I also made a fic playlist if you wanna vibe<3 In the wise words of Manon Blackbeak, it is best enjoyed in the right order;)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3LFklksVGgX4X8LxoYzbbK?si=oC-3zOZMTC-B5Nd4C3QAZg

Also while I'm at it, a couple disclaimers:

- I have earlier made a lot of references to Harry Potter, but I will no longer do so, as I am not comfortable with referencing the work of an author who do not respect trans people. I hope you all understand this.

- Yes I mock Riverdale in this chapter and if you feel offended know that I will never understand how someone can actually enjoy that show but I DO respect you:)

As always, thank you sooooo much to everyone who takes the time to read, give kudos, like, reblog, write comments etc. For real I love you<3<3

Peace&Love<3 -Dawninlatin

#dawninlatin QoP #tog #throne of glass #sarah j maas #manorian #manon x dorian #dorian x manon #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manorian fanfiction #throne of glass fanfiction

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years ago

Text

Touch

Summary: Jaebum knew what you meant to him from the first time he saw you. That didn’t stop him from wanting to touch you to confirm you as his soulmate. Though touching you made him lose you from his life. Would he find you again?

Pairing: Im Jaebum x reader (ft. Park Jinyoung)

Genre: soulmate au / angst / romance

Warnings: Doctor Park apparently cannot help himself and reappears >_> (none)

A/N: So here it is, the long awaited, final spinoff to the Destined world. When I introduced Officer Im in To Love You, a lot of you wanted to know more about his journey with his soulmate. I dubbed her Kat in that story, which makes this special because I’ve written this story for my wonderful friend @listlessmaenads‘s birthday… I’m sorry it took so long, but I hope it is worth the wait.

Word count: 7408

This is part of the Destined world. You can read this without the knowledge of the series, but to tie it altogether, I recommend reading the others in the series linked below.

Destined series: Destined // To Love You // Forever

It was ironic. Everyone would always talk about when you met your soulmate. There was hardly any discussion of what would happen after, outside of the typical happily ever after scenario.

Because you were meant to be with your destined partner forever.

Perhaps the lack of information was why Jaebum struggled now. There was nothing to tell him what to do without you. Sure, he wasn’t completely naïve. There were people who met their soulmates and lost them through accidents or poor health. That was just life. At least then, the remaining partner is left with a final answer. Your soulmate wouldn’t come back to life and you would continue in this world in the best way you saw fit.

But you hadn’t died. You were still out there somewhere.

That was why he struggled. How was Jaebum meant to go on without you in his world, when you had so easily become everything he lived for?

“Y/N, don’t go over there!” a voice called out sternly and Jaebum stared at you on the other side of the fence to the kindergarten play yard, your own eyes desperate to see why everyone behind him sounded so happy. This wasn’t your first time standing there watching as all the children played together energetically. Sometimes you would cry, begging the adult who would come to collect you that you wanted to play too. You were always dragged away, screaming and kicking until you were no longer within his sight.

And each time Jaebum would come over to the fence, wishing he had some way to break you free from your confines and help sneak you into the playground.

He couldn’t play when he saw you looking so miserable.

Over the weeks, he had learned a little more about you. If he was quick enough to reach you before the adults did, he would talk to you or offer you gifts. He once gave you his favourite rock that he had been carrying around in his pocket ever since he found it. And in return, you gave him one of your cat-themed hair clips with a smile.

“Keep it safe for me,” you instructed as you slipped it through the fence and tossed it into his open palms, smiling brightly. “One day, I’ll come in there and then I’ll take it back, okay?”

You never did make it into the kindergarten grounds, but when Jaebum started his third year of school, he recognised you immediately as you walked into his classroom. And as your eyes nervously scanned the faces within the room, when you settled on his, you smiled.

Jaebum grinned back at you and that was the start of your budding friendship.

“So you can’t come to my birthday party?” he asked sadly, and you didn’t respond, lowering your head instead. Jaebum didn’t like when your long hair fell like a veil over your face and he instinctively reached out to shift it aside, but you were faster, scooting away from his touch and blinking back your emotions rapidly.

He winced and tried to cheer you up. “It’s okay. I could bring you some birthday cake to school.”

“You would do that for me?” you asked, staring back at him wide-eyed.

“Of course!”

“Why?”

Jaebum frowned. “Because we’re friends.”

A small smile crossed your lips and you repeated the word several times over, liking the sound of it rolling off your tongue. “We’re really friends, right?”

“I just said we are.”

“One day, when I ask you to, would you help your friend escape?” you asked earnestly and despite his age, Jaebum knew you were serious about it. He watched as you pleaded with him silently, your eyes begging him to agree.

He nodded, smiling at you. “I’ll do anything to help you, Y/N.”

Over the years, Jaebum realised that your family weren’t mean people as he once believed of them to be; rather you were from the richest family in this town. It meant that you were treated like a prized possession and subsequently denied the same experiences Jaebum had in fear you would be tarnished in some way. He was actually surprised you weren’t home-schooled with how strict your family were about everything when it came to you. Every day you were chaperoned to and from school, with zero time after the end of the school day to hang out with friends. It made it hard for you to keep up with the happenings of the people around you and eventually, led to you shutting off from attempting to remain on friendly terms with most of your classmates.

Except with Jaebum, of course.

You rolled your eyes dramatically. “Don’t you have something better to do?”

“No, I think annoying you will suffice.”

You couldn’t hide the small smile that graced your lips, though you moved away from him when he tried to flick a crumb from your lunch off your uniform. Some things had never changed. From the first time Jaebum met you as a child, to now as middle-schoolers, not once had you actually touched him. Or anyone for that matter. You had an exemption from team projects and had successfully avoided physical connection with anyone. He had asked you about it once, and you had mentioned you would be in grave trouble if your parents ever found out you had allowed yourself to touch another human.

“But why? Are they scared you’ll meet your soulmate and run away?” he had joked but the sincerity in your expression made Jaebum realise that was exactly it.

Now and then, he wanted to test the barrier between you. Surely, you couldn’t spend the rest of your life not touching another person. And so, as usual, whenever Jaebum found you alone in the library, he leaned in closer to you, the lack of space not allowing you to move away.

“Jaebum,” you warned as he stared at you, his eyes falling captive with soaking you in.

Just as he had done as a child, his own habit of getting lost staring at you hadn’t changed once. He could do this all day long. In fact, his grades last year had suffered from his inability to stop staring at you.

You let out a huff of air. “Jaebum, you’re doing it again.”

“Does it bother you?” he murmured and you blinked a couple of times, chewing on your lip in thought. He leaned in even closer and for a moment, he actually thought your bodies might brush up against each other with the close proximity he now held. It made him anxious, as if every cell within his body was on high alert. Jaebum never knew why he was so fascinated with the idea of being the first person you reached out for, but it was a goal all the same. He yearned to hold your hand and let you know it was safe to do so.

Reality knocked on you both, or in this case rang, the end of lunch bell signalled the afternoon classes were about to begin. He leapt back in fright, whining when he smacked his leg into the side of the table you were both seated at. You seemed just as afflicted as he was with his pain before giggling lightly. “Serves you right.”

“Don’t laugh at my pain.”

“Why not? You were pushing the boundaries.”

Jaebum stared at you. “Do you plan on never touching anyone?”

You didn’t reply, avoiding his gaze. Jaebum stepped into your view, walking backwards towards your classroom. You held out a hand towards him and shook it. “Move before you fall.”

“Why, if I trip, will you just let me fall?”

“What is wrong with you today? Can’t you respect my wishes?”

A wry smile crossed his lips. “Are they really yours?”

“Jaebum, come on, stop it.”

“I’m doing nothing wrong!”

You attempted to step around him and he sidestepped to block your escape, his chuckle outdoing your grumble. You glared at him. “You’re not funny.”

“Not trying to be.”

“Why does it matter so much if you touch me or not?!” you asked exasperatedly and he stopped moving altogether, your stop unstable as not to bang into him. You teetered on your heels, eyes wide with your lack of balance.

Jaebum put his arms out to catch you before you fell, though you staggered back, avoiding his offer and instead heavily banged into the wall beside you. He groaned as if he felt the pain himself.

Neither of you spoke for a minute, both staring at each other as the emotions flooded you. He could see how bothered you were, but fear outweighed your annoyance. He was surprised and hurt by your avoidance, and his chest felt restricted from your open rejection.

It was more painful this time around. Especially since he knew what you were to him. Jaebum was certain of it.

Collecting himself, he shrugged and turned on his heel, stalking away from you. “Jaebum!”

“Don’t bother, maybe I’m wrong.”

It was the longest period of time since you had re-entered his world that Jaebum had gone without talking to you. Part of him felt it was petty, and it probably was. He had respected your wishes for so many years now, so why could he no longer accept it? He didn’t want to admit it mattered to him whether you let him touch you or not. Because it did mean something. When you were in pain, and he experienced a similar sensation at the same time had been enough to start cementing the idea in his mind. Some nights, Jaebum would lay upon his bed and think back to the very start, of when he would rush over to the kindergarten fence to greet you. He had no real reason to. He hadn’t ever been a curious child; he just went with the flow and did what the majority of his peers would. And none of them came over to see who you were.

Just him.

He had been fascinated with you for years.

Fascination had its limitations without further knowledge though and Jaebum was frustrated. It irked him that you would openly avoid him, the one constant in your world. If he didn’t know how much you cherished his friendship just by gazing into your eyes to see the warmth they held for him, he would have given up by now. Just like everyone else had. You were too closed off from the world for most people to handle.

And even if, to him, you felt like an open book some days, Jaebum was starting to realise he had limited access to how you truly felt. It hurt more than it should and that was the real reason he hadn’t spoken to you in three weeks. He was embarrassed that he had given you every part of himself and received little in return.

That was why he ignored your calls out to him, bowing his head low to avoid you seeing his emotions rise on his face as he did so. It pained him to witness the sadness in your eyes, and if he didn’t see it, the ache in his chest wouldn’t get any larger than it already was. There was no real winner in this situation, your misery, whether he saw it or not, would cast over his world like a gloomy day took away the sunshine.

But Jaebum was learning about his pride. He needed to stand up for himself before he fell at your feet completely.

For another week, Jaebum managed to avoid you until you confronted him finally, not letting him pass you by. “Are you really sulking over this?”

He didn’t reply, merely jutting out his jaw in petulance, annoyance rising in his chest at your term. Jaebum didn’t see it as sulking, he had a right to be offended, hurt by your lack of trust in him.

As if you read his thoughts, you leaned down so you could catch his gaze, softening your expression a little. He couldn’t help but stare back at you greedily. Had he really not looked at you over the last month? You didn’t look as bright as you once did and his chest ached heavily.

“I trust you with my entire life, Im Jaebum.”

Glancing up properly, he swallowed roughly back the multitude of feelings that rushed to the surface from your sentence. Jaebum wasn’t ready to smile and give in to your whims, even if he wanted to. It was hard to force back the immediate elation, to challenge you instead. Yet he managed to shrug, seemingly nonchalant. “Sure you do.”

“You don’t believe me?” you asked, half-whispered, and he had to close his eyes before your first tear rolled down your cheeks. “You’re the only person in my life that I know I want to be around forever.”

He couldn’t answer this time, not because of annoyance, but the lump in his throat from hearing your shaky voice had rendered him unable to. You seemed to notice this and coughed back the rest of your emotions, clearing your throat before continuing.

“I think you’re my soulmate too.”

Your announcement rocked Jaebum’s world and for a moment he was stunned, before he propelled himself forward, eager to find out if you truly were. Touch was all that was left on his list to cement your connection and it still eluded him as you took a step back, heaving a little with his sudden approach. You shot him a smile. “I know we’re soulmates, Jaebum. Which is why I need you to trust in me. Give me some time to figure out how to deal with the impending consequences of when I let you touch me.”

“What consequences?”

For a moment you didn’t respond, though your cheeks had flared up with colour. Whatever you were imagining now had him uneasy, kicking the toe of his shoe slowly across the tile of the floor. He started to think of what would happen after connection and his boyish fantasies of kissing you flooded to the forefront of his mind. His face felt hot now. “Oh, uh… oh.”

You giggled and nodded slowly. “I don’t think holding your hand would be the best thing for me to do right now. Even though I want to. Because I think if I did, I wouldn’t be able to let go. And with how my family is…”

You stopped for a moment, the wash of concern erasing your happiness. After chewing your wobbly lip for a moment, you braved him a watery smile. “I just don’t want them to take me away from you.”

Jaebum knew he would wait for as long as he had to now. You were right, even if he craved it like no other, physical connection wasn’t needed to confirm what his heart and mind already had.

You were his already.

With the promise of adulthood almost around the corner, your relationship shifted dramatically. Surprisingly, neither of you had succumbed to teenage desires, though there definitely had been some close calls. Perhaps it was due to your extremely limited access to the outside world still, with school being your only escape from your home on the hill. Jaebum had exclaimed that it should be a crime to keep someone captive when there was so much to see and experience. And whilst you would always joke about being a princess locked in your tower, Jaebum was never able to become a knight in shining armour for you.

Until one afternoon.

“What did you just say?” he uttered, eyes blown wide at your suggestion.

Your recklessness was evident in your gaze, and you stifled a giggle. “Let’s go now.”

“Where, to Art class? That’s where-”

“No.” You shook your head, stepping closer to him and halting his ability to breathe. “I want to go somewhere other than classes. Let’s ditch the afternoon.”

“Are you the Y/N I’ve known for years now or did something possess you?” he wondered and you rolled your eyes, stalking down the hallway towards the exit. Jaebum jogged to catch up to you, fingering his car keys within his pocket. Being at school without you there didn’t appeal to him anyway.

However, he stopped once you were both standing by his car, looking at you hesitantly. Why was he so nervous? It wasn’t as if you were two delinquents who did this often. Nor was he some honour roll student who followed the school rules like some mantra. No, he was just a regular student who could make exceptions for you.

“Open the car, Jae.”

He wanted to ask you if you knew the implications of what was about to occur. As he unlocked the doors and climbed inside, he knew this wasn’t some spur of the moment rebellion. You had clearly been planning this. Jaebum had just been blind to what occupied your thoughts for some time.

Any hesitation evaporated as soon as he ignited the engine and pulled out of the school lot.

Jaebum took you to the beach.

If there had been one place he wanted to take you to first, this was it. The weather wasn’t all that warm, which meant there was no one else around. You smiled before you stepped out onto the sand, soon dancing through the dunes and over to the water. You played together as children would, frolicking around and kicking water at each other. Your laughter was swept away with the wind and soon the air was sending a chill down each of your backs. Still, you remained at the beach, now walking side by side along the edge of the water in silence.

Words weren’t needed right now. It was the first time he had ever been alone with you. No fellow students, teachers, parents, it was as if this endless beach belonged to you both. The waves crashed and rolled in closer to you both, a threat lingering further out at sea. The impending consequence on the horizon. It was too far out for it to be a sole focus now, up here where the waves were gentler. And without any warning, he felt it.

Your hand slipped into his effortlessly, as if it was made to fit seamlessly against his. He held it instantly, feeling more purpose within that action than anything else in his life. The shy smile that crossed your lips spread his own out wide.

And by the time you were heading back to his car, lips on lips were all you and he could think of.

“We should go before we do something more.”

“We should do it all today,” you refuted, your gaze flitting from his eyes to his mouth for the umpteenth time. Jaebum’s followed suit, wondering if you would taste as good as your cherry lips looked.

“Is there something I should know about? Some magical clock ticking over our heads rushing us? Will you be locked away for good after this?”

He shouldn’t have joked about it and when you laughed and shook your head in response, it was careless of you not to consider that there was another hand in this relationship. Already suffocating out the air that had started to overflow on this day.

Still, the focus was there. Why were you so eager to kiss him? Just holding your hand had every sense alive within him. What would happen when his lips met yours? He craved the knowledge, yet didn’t actively reach for it either. He had gotten all too used to waiting on your permission to move across this board. He followed his queen around as the knight he had been destined to become.

“Don’t you think we’ve waited far too long?”

“Might I remind you, I was eager to do this a long time ago.”

You smirked. “I remember. I thought becoming a teenager would make you more reckless though.”

“Are you claiming I’m tamed?”

Shrugging, you giggled as you turned away from him, moving towards his car. Jaebum followed, as he always did. Yet this time, he stopped you from getting inside, entrapping you against the door with a hand on either side of your head. You chewed your luscious lips with anticipation and a groan rumbled from within his chest.

“I can be reckless too,” he informed, pressing his lips firmly on yours. Sparks flew much like your hair was within the wind. He let his hands fall from the doorframe to smooth down your tresses, slipping to the nape of your neck as the kiss deepened.

His soul was hungry for more and you weren’t holding back from offering it. Your hands gripped tightly to his shoulder blades, burning the skin that laid underneath them with your touch. It was overwhelming and when he finally pulled away, it wasn’t for anything more than a need for air.

Your eyes were shot and your lips were swollen. In his mind, you had never looked this beautiful before. Tenderly reaching up to cup his cheek, you smiled. “I love you, Jaebum.”

“I’ve always loved you,” he replied, kissing you again and again.

When the wind had settled, so had you both, climbing into his car and driving around aimlessly. The skies turned multihued, striking colours before your eyes and then the night enveloped the sun, littering the heavens with stars. You found a place to eat, and the skill to do so whilst never letting go of one another. And then you directed him to a place just on the outskirts of town, surprising him of your knowledge when he had been certain you never left your home except for school.

Smiling, you jumped out of the car and headed towards the abandoned home, entering it as if you owned it. And like usual, Jaebum followed you in.

“Should we be in here?”

“Should we go home?” you countered and Jaebum tilted his head to the side, giving in to your smile yet again. You grinned and placed down your bag. He hadn’t noticed you bring it inside, nor had he seen how full it was today. Unzipping it, you pulled out a blanket and laid it down on the floor before sitting on it. “Whilst you played in playgrounds, I spent my time up here. This is my grandmother’s home.”

He looked around the vacant space for more answers, frowning as he sat down beside you. “Why has it been let go?”

“She wasn’t the reason for our wealth. My mother was born poor, and my grandmother was ill when I was a child.” Leaning back on your arms, you seemed lost in fond memories of what this place once was. “My happiest moments were in this house.”

“You mean, you haven’t been happy with me?”

Looking over at him, you shook your head. “Not until today.”

Jaebum could understand. The shackles around you meant experiencing true feelings would have been hard for you. He was certain you had never smiled as much as you had done so today. Staring around at the darkened living space, he pointed to a clear colour difference on the wall. “What was once there?”

“A family portrait.”

He asked more questions and you answered them, your bodies naturally getting tangled in the process. With your head resting on his shoulder and his arm holding you to his side, the questions slowly stopped mattering. Kisses began again, the addiction ever present with every caress of his mouth on yours. Desire licked at his abdomen, and tightened his pants. Jaebum groaned when your leg inadvertently passed over his affected area and you sat back, blinking slowly.

Embarrassment heated his skin. “It’s just that uh, well, you do things to me.”

“Should I do more?” you offered, and the intense gaze you held weakened his resolve. Were you really insinuating you went all the way tonight? Glancing away, at the house you had brought him to, he understood why you were both here now.

Jaebum brushed the hair away from your face. “Tonight is all we have?”

“I won’t let it stop here, but if there is a chance that this is our only open window for some time, I want to do everything.”

“I wasn’t as prepared as you have been, you should have given me some warning,” he admitted and you smiled encouragingly, reaching over for your bag again. You retrieved a foil package and he shot you an inquisitive look. Your cheeks flushed with colour. “I made sure I had everything for today, just in case.”

Jaebum took over from there, ensuring you felt everything you possibly could whilst the night grew darker outside. And just before dawn, you drove back in silence, Jaebum finally pulling up outside where you lived. He didn’t want to let you go, his gut instinct reluctant to even stop the car.

You smiled and leaned over to kiss him. “We don’t end here.”

“I’m just worried. Maybe we should run away. If we leave and never return, no one can tear us apart.”

“No one can now anyway,” you assured, kissing him again. “Not after how we spent tonight.”

He couldn’t hold back his smile, nodding once in agreement. You heaved a deep breath before you finally let him go, slipping out of the car and into the gated residence.

You weren’t at school the next day. Nor the following day either. In fact, for an entire week, you held no appearance in his world, as if the night shared together had somehow snuffed you out of his existence when daylight came. He drove to your neighbourhood often, watching for movement within the home.

Yet there was nothing.

Jaebum didn’t go to school on Monday. He couldn’t face it without you there. And when the doorbell rang, he didn’t shift from his bed to answer it either. It wasn’t until his Mum entered his room and handed him a package that he stirred away from his heavy thoughts. “Were you waiting on something?”

Glancing at the handwriting on the box, Jaebum sat up, taking it immediately from her and opening it hastily. He stopped moving altogether when he saw the contents. Inside laid a rock he had once carried with him every day as a child. And beside it laid a note.

Find me.

“Get in here!” a voice instructed and the sounds of a drunken protest filled the early morning within the station. Jaebum chuckled to himself yet didn’t look up to see what was going on, his gaze glued to the computer system in front of him.

Much like it always was.

“Why are you apprehending me? I am not someone who needs to be brought here!”

“That’s what they all say and yet it’s for your own good. A night in the cell will sober you right up and you won’t think of causing such a scene again,” the officer scolded tiredly, the sounds of the small cell in the corner opening and shutting following his words. And then the constable came over and slumped into the chair beside Jaebum. “Has it been busy?”

“Only a dispatch for a traffic offence but the neighbouring station picked it up instead.”

“I hate working the graveyard shift on a Saturday,” his colleague mentioned with a groan and Jaebum merely smiled. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard the proclamation and it wouldn’t be the last.

However, Jaebum had no issues with working through the night. Sometimes, it would be busier than tonight and whilst he preferred being parked up at the front desk taking down complaints and sorting out minor disputes, getting out into the neighbourhood was welcomed when he felt the dread of being unsuccessful settle into his chest.

“Listen here!” the drunkard demanded and Jaebum quirked an eyebrow before turning to face the apprehended man. He was surprised to see someone of similar age within the cell, his tousled designer dress pants and shirt looking out of place behind bars. The raven haired man pointed a finger directly at him. “I need to find her okay? I won’t stop until I find her!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve been saying that over and over but you know what? You can’t find someone who you don’t have in your phone to ring, mate.”

Jaebum glanced at the fellow officer. “Who is he looking for?”

“Beats me, he’s been ranting on about lost love the whole way over here. I reckon he’s broken up with his girlfriend and gotten drunk over it or something.”

The man in the cell laughed a little too much in response. “How dare you address my soulmate as a mere girlfriend!”

Jaebum couldn’t help but look back at the man. He looked broken, despair filling his features as he crouched down in the corner by the bed. Cupping his face within his hand, he began to cry, rocking back and forth in his position.

“I miss her! I should have told her I wanted to be in her life. I would do anything to find her!”

Jaebum slowly turned to the screen in front of him. Records and previous searches stared back at him, your name in various forms attempted without any leads. He hadn’t found you in years. Not when he was without power had a trace been left to follow and after working hard to become a police officer, ten years after your disappearance from his world, Jaebum was still without you.

He wondered if he would ever find you.

After some time, the station grew silent, bar the heavy snoring of his partner. Jaebum needed a break from the chair he had been seated in for all too long and headed into the staff room, making himself a cup of coffee. Nights like these were hard to get by. When it was quiet, he would search for you. The data was endless, but whenever he felt he was close, the details wouldn’t match. He was certain by now that your family had changed your name, making it impossible for him to find you.

Why had they taken you away? What harm did he pose to your life? Still, after all these years, he couldn’t understand. He thought back to his childhood belief that your family were cruel people, not having anything else to go on. They had plucked you up, using their wealth and status to disappear without a trace.

Pouring a second cup of coffee, Jaebum dejectedly headed back out into the main floor of the station, his eyes going towards the man in the cell. He was no longer crying or protesting, instead, he remained silent on the floor, staring at nothing in particular.

His brooding felt similar and Jaebum cleared his throat to garner his attention. “Park Jinyoung?”

Holding out the coffee, the man got up and thanked him softly for the beverage through the bars. Jaebum didn’t shift away, watching as he drank some of the bitter drink and attempted to think of something to say.

Jinyoung beat him to it. “Have you ever felt as if, no matter what you do, you can’t get back what you let go of in the past?”

“Every day,” Jaebum responded, and Jinyoung glanced up at him in surprise.

He then sighed heavily. “I’m sure you’re not as foolish as I once was.”

“Well, getting drunk over your pain is something a lot of people experience in life. A police officer isn’t immune to it either.”

“I let her go before even giving it a shot. You’d think I would have been able to move on by now, yet every day my heart aches for her.”

“Some people just affect you for the rest of your life,” Jaebum mentioned softly and the man nodded in agreement. “It’s been some time since I saw my soulmate too.”

Jinyoung swallowed his mouthful and then frowned. “Did you lose her?”

“Not in the way most people do.”

“She’s still alive?”

Jaebum nodded.

At least, he was certain you were. Now and then, he would feel the emotions he would whenever you were in pain or upset, though they were dull in comparison to when he was able to see you every day. It led Jaebum to believe you were still out there, the only fuel he had left towards his endless search of you.

“How do you find someone you only know so little about?” Jinyoung wondered, his dark gaze turning earnest. “Can you find someone by a name?”

“In theory.”

“As an officer, shouldn’t you be able to access a database that lists the majority of society on it? Everyone has a record, right? Social numbers, health identifiers, shouldn’t they lead you to the person? An easy search, right?”

Jaebum chuckled, shrugging bitterly. “People can change information. If they don’t want to be found, they can remain that way.”

“Of course, this world is twisted after all.”

“Is your soulmate alive too?” Jaebum questioned and Jinyoung nodded. The man proceeded to tell Jaebum of his ill-fated meeting, the premature departure of his destined partner from his world and the consequences thereafter. He sympathised with the doctor, knowing some of the pain that he carried around daily.

It was the same Jaebum carried for you.

In return, Jaebum explained his own situation and by the end of it, Jinyoung felt more like a comrade than anything else. Jaebum’s shift ended when he opened up the cell, and instead of parting ways, he offered to buy breakfast.

Jinyoung looked up through his meal midway. “Even if it’s a small chance, you’ll actually search for her for me?”

“It’s my duty to serve the nation and help them with their needs,” Jaebum mentioned with a grin, Jinyoung’s lips curling up with renewed hope.

“Anything is worth a go. I need to right my wrongs,” he admitted and Jaebum nodded. After a few more mouthfuls, the man looked up again, his smile spreading over his lips. “I have a way to find someone as well, you know.”

“I’m listening.”

“Medical records have personal information on them. I’m not saying I’ll find anything, but I can certainly look it up. Here, I’ll give you my card. Message me all the formations of Y/N’s name and her date of birth. I’ll check it once I’m at work tomorrow.”

The elation of making his new connection with Jinyoung was short-lived. Jaebum had known better, but the hope he felt over another possible path forward had lent him too much with no return.

Not that he had been successful with finding Jinyoung’s soulmate either.

For the following months, the pair met regularly. It was comforting to finally have someone who understood the pain Jaebum held within his chest. Jinyoung became a good friend to him, ready to build him back up when despair hit and encourage him forward with new plans. Neither of them was any closer in their search but their friendship was positive for Jaebum. It meant he wasn’t alone.

And when he got close to finding you, it meant he had someone backing him up for once.

“I think I may have a lead on a name,” he told the doctor over the phone, pulling up the file he had stumbled across earlier in the day. “Her birth date matches and her national health identifier number is also documented which is odd since she gave the officer an international driver’s licence. It looks like she had an altercation a month ago with a traffic offence after arriving back in the country. Could you look it up in your system for me?”

“Of course, what’s the number? I’ll take a look as soon as I’m done doing my rounds.”

Jaebum had texted Jinyoung the information and waited almost two hours on edge for the response.

It was another dead end.

Seven months passed by without much process on either soulmate. Both men were tired and decided to take a small break from their searches. A week away at the beach in his hometown renewed their focus, though Jaebum couldn’t help but feel as if he was seeing you wherever he went. Quick glimpses of what he imagined you would look like now out of the corner of his eye would occur at least once a day, though every time he turned his head, he would never find you there.

Jinyoung had admitted to visions of his own lost love, and Jaebum wondered if now was his turn to experience the phenomena. He was certain you were nearby, though he didn’t know how to seek you out.

“Let’s go door knocking. We can come up with some plausible reason for a cop and a doctor to be asking around, right?”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m trying to lighten your mood, you know.”

It was Jinyoung who found a lead in finding you first. Not even a month after returning to work, he had rung in a rush, his breath heavy down the line. Jaebum’s shifts were different than his friend’s and he groggily pulled himself away from another dream about you. “What did you say?”

“I think I found Y/N.”

Sitting up with a start, he listened to the doctor prattle on about a building collapse that happened in Jaebum’s hometown. The injuries ranged from critical to minor, and when he was checking over the list of patients admitted, the file Jaebum had been looking up months ago with the medical number had matched up. The hospital there had been overwhelmed with the injuries so a lot had been transferred to his hospital in the city.

Jaebum barely heard anything else the doctor had to say as he yanked clothing onto his body and rushed out the door. He arrived at the hospital as fast as he could, running through to the emergency room and checking the faces within the beds. Not a single one matched yours, and he dropped into a chair outside the department, flinching when a hand rested on his shoulder.

Jaebum looked up, exasperated. “Where is she?”

“She has been discharged already, she had a gash to her arm and originally there was concern she had hit her head. However, results came back clear and she was good to go.”

“Already? My chance to find Y/N is over just like that?”

Jinyoung shook his head, holding up a piece of paper. Before he allowed Jaebum to take it, he gave his friend a stern look. “I’m not buying this defeatist attitude from you at all, Officer Im. If you give up, what hope do I have left? Here, my gift to you.”

“An address?” he hoped and the doctor nodded, handing it over. Jaebum held onto the paper as if it was somewhat precious. This was closer than he had ever been and he realised he was shaking with emotions.

“Don’t hate me if she’s not Y/N,” Jinyoung fare-welled and Jaebum numbly walked himself out to his car, getting in behind the steering wheel.

He sat there for some time, partially because he believed he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to drive, but also because he needed some kind of plan. All these years, he had been so adamant on finding you.

Now that he potentially had, what was the best step forward? Just show up on your doorstep and hope the part of your soul that craved his would recognise him immediately? What about your family? It had never dawned on him until now that you could have reached out to find him as well. You knew everything there was to him. Apart from moving to the city so he could become a police officer, nothing had changed.

Eventually, Jaebum arrived on the outskirts of his home town, driving passed the old lot where he had once spent the night with you. He was surprised to see the home had been knocked down since the last time he was here, the rubble being cleared away by contractors. He knew that the building collapse had been on the beachfront however, though it felt as if the removal of the derelict home that had once stood there held some significance right now. Driving to his destination, Jaebum pulled up outside the townhouses that lined the marine parade, looking towards the number he required.

He knocked on the door, waiting on the doorstep for some time without an answer. Were you not back from the hospital yet yourself? He didn’t know what form of transportation you had taken, and figuring he should come back within an hour, Jaebum headed across to the beach instead.

It was cool, the sunny weather that had enticed both him and Jinyoung here last month had washed out with the warm sea, replaced with chilly winds and crashing waves. It was comforting walking along the beach he had once spent an entire afternoon with you. As he trailed up towards the gulf, he thought back over every moment you shared together, from the first time you touched, to your hand slipping out of his that last time. That day had never left his memory, not once. He wouldn’t allow the details to fade over time, keeping it alive as if it had happened the day before. He could almost feel you as he turned back for the beach entrance now, your kisses lingering in the freezing air that hit his face.

As he neared the spot where he had parked up that day, his heart began to thud unevenly. Was it from the memory of pressing you against his car? Inadvertently, he had parked in the same spot as he had that day, though his car was different, it had attracted the attention of someone.

Stopping, he watched as the woman peered into the vehicle curiously, her lips pouting softly. When she turned away, he noticed the bandage on her arm.

Your arm.

“Y/N!” he called upon the wind, and it travelled to you, sending your hair flying about your face. You spun around, eyes widened by his voice. Jaebum started to move, the sand dunes slowing him somewhat, climbing back up to the parking lot where you remained frozen.

He panted when he finally stopped in front of you, now blinking rapidly to ensure he wasn’t hallucinating. Every time his eyes reopened, you were still staring back at him, stuck in the position you had been left rendered speechless within. Jaebum shifted first and you moved back, your eyes searching his.

“Y/N,” he repeated, this time with a smile. He stared down at you for what felt like an eternity. You had aged just how he had imagined you to, your teenage years far behind you, yet you still looked youthful. Your hairstyle was different, and you had lost some of the weight in your face.

You were still beautiful.

“Jaebum,” you breathed and he felt himself grinning, though he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. It made you roll your own, the humour evident in your tone that followed. “You’re doing it again.”

He didn’t miss a beat, the words he once spoke to you as a child falling out effortlessly. “Does it bother you?”

Leaning in closer, you shifted back into his car, leaving little room for escape. He chuckled. “Will you avoid me touching you now as well?”

“It’s been so long, who knows where those hands have been,” you quipped, though he saw the way you steeled your breath in anticipation. Your hands were at the ready, and when he reached out for you, it was instantaneous. His lips found yours, his hands were in your hair and you were pressed against him as if no time had passed from that afternoon. The kisses were even better than how he remembered them. You tasted sweeter, if that was even possible, and his mind reeled from the explosion of your combined yearning.

His plan of taking it slow and talking it out with you was well and truly gone. He didn’t need to know where you had been or what had happened over all these years.

At least, the knowledge wasn’t as pressing as he thought it had been.

It could all wait until later. Right now, he could only think of how you felt being back in his arms.

He had finally found you. And this time, he wasn’t going to ever let go.

_________________

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alienoriana · 5 years ago

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Why Lonely Road is about John

1st Disclaimer: Approaching a Paul song is trickier than a John song IMO. Mainly because Paul seems to enjoy and embrace more the weirdness, the serendipity, the subconscious that can break in and subvert the creative process. John himself described Paul’s lyrics as surreal (maybe in oposition to his own lyrics, which are “real” real. For more insights about it, read this great post from @thecoleopterawithana). This is important because Paul usually prefer to highlight that aspect when he’s talking about one of his songs. That tendency may create the impression that he is more detached from his lyrics, when in fact he is trying to focus on that dimension that he considers to be an indispensable part of his identity as a songwriter. Sometimes its a dream, sometimes its a catchy line, sometimes its a mistake that works, sometimes its a minor event or a random person (or animal), or all these elements together. And thats what Paul will tell us later when ask about the song: that little thing that made the tune go and grow.

But when one tries to understand a song (emotional) motives, this tendency gets in the way -and probably that’s how Paul prefers it: just keep guessing, and more importantly, keep listening to the songs-.

2nd Disclaimer: As much as I believe that John and Paul were (are) soulmates, Im aware of the equal (and different) intensity of the bond they had with their spouses. The fact that I focus on J/P relationship, doesn't mean that I like to place their relationship over the others, as more important than the others. In this case (this song) in particular, I say this in relation to Paul and Linda's relationship. Even if I try to show why I think John's presence is strong in a song, it does not mean that I deny the possibility that Paul actually is alluding to Linda, or even both, sequentially or at the same time. Because the heart is that messy and complex, and big.

I feel that I tried to cover myself too much before I even started, but both issues are usually present almost always in my reflections about his (their) songs (my favorite McLennon topic), and I think this post is a good opportunity to express it.

And now, to the song... [finally, right?]

Lonely Road was included as opening track in the album “Driving Rain”, published in november 2001. The main themes of the album are influenced by the mixed feelings of grief over the recent death of his longtime partner, and of excitement over a new relationship. There’s longing and thankfulness, but also the wish to let go to be able to go on.

Some of the songs were written during a holiday in India, in early 2001, where Paul had not returned since the events of 1968 (!). I think this little fact is esential to read this song. We can ask ourselves: Could Paul have remained indifferent to that place so associated with John and The Beatles, and to the memories it could have awakened?

The lyrics...

I tried to get over you I tried to find something new But all I could ever do Was fill, my time With thoughts, of you

I tried to go somewhere old To search for my pot of gold But all I could ever hold Inside, my mind Were thoughts, of you

I hear your music And it's driving me wild Familiar rhythms In a different style I hear your music And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

I hear your music And it's driving me wild Familiar rhythms In a different style I hear your music And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

The analysis of the one who does not want to be analyzed...

When asked about this particular song, Paul was as usual nonchalant about its meaning.

In 2001, he was saying this:

‘Lonely Road’ was also written in Goa, where I was enjoying the beach and the sea and generally chilling out in the new century. Again, I had a few moments in the afternoon, which is always a good time for me, a quiet spell when it’s always cool for me to go off and fondle my guitar. The songs basically wrote itself in about an hour. It is what it is, this song, you can make of it what you want to make of it. To me it’s not particularly about anything other than not wanting to be brought down. It’s a sort of anti-being brought down song, which is for anyone and everyone. It’s ‘don’t want to get brought down again, don’t want to walk that lonely road’, it’s symbolic for anyone who’s been through any sort of problems. It’s a defiant song against loneliness, written in a hotel room in Goa. - Driving Rain Interview, 2001.

“It’s a defiant song against loneliness”, thats a fantastic little definition, which goes well with not only this song but many of Paul’s tunes.

In another quote, published much later, Paul speaks a little about the simple motivation for a certain rhyme:

‘Lonely Road’ was written in India, and that’s a bit… I don’t really know what I’m doing, just blues longing. I say I tried to go somewhere ‘old’, that’s India. ‘To search for my pot of gold’, well I wasn’t, I was on holiday. So it’s half imagination, half reality. If I’m looking for a rhyme for old, and pot of gold comes into my mind, then I don’t resist. ‘I try to go somewhere old cos I no longer need a pot of gold?’ Fuck that. Let’s go somewhere old to search for a pot of gold seems more like a song. - "Conversations With McCartney", by Paul Du Noyer, 2015.

In both quotes, its like he’s saying: “It’s nothing, it’s just this song I made up on a holiday, I didnt want to get brought down, ‘old’ just goes well with ‘gold’, the usual things in a songwriter life. Don’t pay that much attention to it, don’t think too much about it, I certainly didn’t”.

Interestingly, he makes reference in the 2001 interview to another song of the same album, and he once again tries to make it clear that the sources of inspiration were deeply rooted in free asociation.

‘About You’ was written in India, in Goa. We had such a relaxing start to an Indian holiday which was at the beginning of 2001. It was exciting, I hadn’t been back to India since the Mararishi days, which was 25 years or so ago. It was great to look around a bit more; I’d only seen Rishikesh, north of Delhi, before. We started off in Goa, relaxed beach time, and one afternoon I wrote ‘About You’ on a little travel guitar I’ve got which has it’s own amp in it. I picked some words out for the song after seeing a copy of The India Times which was lying around. - Driving Rain Interview, 2001.

“I read the news today, oh boy" kind of feeling... Hmmm... (I wonder what that newspaper was about)

IMO, every time Paul strives to asociate a certain song to something inexplicable, casual and without intermediation, he actually suggests that the motivation is very intimate and subconscious. At the same time, he refuses to analyse it. He wont talk about it, because he cant answer for himself at that moment, that place and time. And he probably believes that if he tries to grasp its meaning and set it in stone, sort to speak, he would kill the song. In this case, I think he tries to say there is no clear intention, but its also a strong feeling he can’t help to express.

And when he alludes to the specific lyrics, he carefully avoids the “middle eight” of the song: “I hear your music and it's driving me wild / Familiar rhythms in a different style / I hear your music and it's driving me wild again”.

“I hear your music"... Whose music?

Ok, Paul, you chose “gold” to rhyme with “old” (and I will not try to relate the “pot of gold” line with the famous twin dreams that John and Paul had after meeting for the first time). Fine.

But who is the person he is talking to throughout the song? Whose memory is the one “taking him down” there in India, in a supposedly happy holiday?

Yes, it can be Linda, but if so, wouldn't Paul say "our music"?. Im inclined to believe that this music he’s hearing (and its driving him “wild”... wild as “young and rebellious”? wild as “angry and mad”?) belongs or relates to someone different.

He sings: “Don't want to let you take me down / Don't want to get hurt second time around / Don't want to walk that lonely road again”.

Oh, this part I love. The reference to “second time” and “again” speak of a first time he was brought down and hurt, of a first time he walked “that lonely road”. Can this have to do only with his recent mourning, to which he’s saying in a way he’s done suffering? Or has to do with another, more distant, first departure, first great hurt? And even more, does this “first time” have something to do with India? (I remember now that Paul has another beautiful song that belongs to this period, maybe a little later, thats simply called “India”).

Why John, then?

The song transpires clearly a youthful rebellious spirit (”Fuck that”), expressing the need to shake off melancholy and nostalgia. And I think that in this way he suggests that he is more guarded in front of a process he already is familiar with. HE’S BEEN THERE. Because he has already gone through that lonely road, and it took him a long time to recover. This time, he feels the urge to recover faster (we'll know later that maybe it was too fast).

I dont know if the first mourning refers to his break-up with John or to John’s passing. Perhaps the proximity to India reinforces the first possibility.

Another thing to take into account is the fact that in the album Paul includes a song directly and explicitly related to Linda, Magic. On the contrary, in the case of Lonely Road, Paul decides to leave it orphan: it´s about noone, and nothing.

Lonely Road comes straight from the subconscious. It has a close, immediate trigger: probably another song that he hears and it makes him wild, and it brings him down, and it reminds him of another time when he was left alone.

And I think that song is a John’s song.

P.S.: Oh, not really related, but you definitely should watch the Lonely Road video.

#i formally submit this to the mclennon symposium #lonely road #i wanted to write about this song for a long time #paul mccartney #mclennon #john lennon #x

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manage-mischief · 4 years ago

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Regulus Black and The Darkest Shadows: Chapter 4

Read on AO3 or FF.net

A/N: CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF PAST ALCOHOL ABUSE! END OF CHAPTER! I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Hope you all like it! Thanks so much for the kind reviews, and thank you to my amazing beta @leah-ravenanne !

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 4: Misery Loves Company

September 13th, 1978

The next morning, Regulus left the Slytherin dorms early to avoid any undesired interactions. He made his way to the Great Hall to find McDrew. When Regulus arrived, he scanned the long house tables for a sign of the beefy Quidditch Captain.

Regulus finally spotted McDrew sitting halfway down the Slytherin Table with a couple of other students. McDrew noticed him staring.

“Oi, Black! C’mon, I’ve saved you a seat!” He gave a great wave and a large, goofy grin. Regulus sat down awkwardly.

“Here, Reg, let me introduce you to some of my friends. They’re not all Slytherins, but, then again, not everyone can be so lucky.” he laughed, cheekily.

“Can it, Woody!” The dark, curly-haired girl sitting across from him rolled her eyes. She glanced at Regulus warily. Regulus had a feeling that McDrew had instructed his friends to be nice.

“I’m Wilhelmina Young. Hufflepuff,” she introduced herself hesitantly.

“Oh yeah. You’re in my year,” said Regulus. “We had Care of Magical Creatures together.”

Wilhelmina nodded, warming up a bit. “I didn’t know if you’d remember. We were partners when we had to take care of that nasty Flobberworm in 3rd year.”

Regulus cringed at the memory.

“And you know Marlene McKinnon, I’m sure. She’s a Gryffindor.” McDrew continued the introductions, gesturing to the pretty blonde girl on his right.

Marlene narrowed her eyes. Regulus gulped. He was quite aware of Marlene’s feelings towards him. “Yeah, we’ve met,” said Marlene. “Although, I’m more familiar with your brother. He and I were…close…for a bit.” Marlene grinned while the rest of the crew cracked up. Regulus didn’t know how to respond to that. Sirius had been quite...active...before he’d realized his true affections for fellow Gryffindor Remus Lupin. Regulus wondered if they were still together.

Marlene stared at him once again, sizing him up. “Well, I guess you’re alright. As long as you don’t go around preaching about the ‘Noble and Most Ancient House of Wankers’, we’ll get along fine.”

The girl sitting next to her chuckled and kissed her cheek. Regulus recognized her as fellow Slytherin Dorcas Meadowes. “Wotcher.” Dorcas nodded in greeting. “Sorry, ‘bout my girlfriend. She doesn’t know when to shut her mouth.”

Marlene playfully shoved her back and exclaimed, “You weren’t complaining about that at Madame Puddifoot’s last week!” The table erupted in laughter again, and Regulus joined them. He was shocked by how easily Marlene and the others had accepted him. Maybe things were looking up. Maybe, this whole turning his life around thing wouldn’t be so hard.

Just then, Regulus saw Woodrow wave towards the Great Hall Entrance. “Ah, here they are, late as always.”

Regulus looked over his shoulder to see who had arrived. His heart dropped. Three Ravenclaws were walking towards them. Two boys—one of whom Regulus recognized as George Fleet, the other he didn’t know—and one girl. A tall, brown-haired girl with clear plastic glasses and a fiery expression plastered on her face. Desdemona.

The three newcomers sat. Desdemona glared.

“Oi, Woody. I thought you were joking when you said Black’d be joining us,” Desdemona said, pretending as if Regulus wasn’t there.

McDrew shot Regulus an apologetic look. “Des, c’mon. He wants to change. We’re gonna help him!”

Desdemona huffed. “‘Wants to change,’ my arse! You know what his lot did just a few days ago? That little girlfriend of his hexed Broderick in the middle of the hallway for no bloody reason! Called ‘im a Mudblood!” She gestured to the boy sitting next to her, who suddenly became very interested in his bowl of porridge. Broderick was clearly not in the mood for confrontation, or for Desdemona’s angry tirade.

Regulus quickly defended himself. “I didn’t know anything about that! And, anyways, you turned Ginger’s hair green. You got her back.”

Desdemona pounded her fist on the table, causing silverware to fly into the air. “OH RIGHT! BRODERICK HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL WING! But, my, my, I’m so sorry poor little miss Death Eater Queen had to suffer with green hair for a few hours. Poor baby!”

People around them had begun to stare. McDrew put a hand on the tall girl’s shoulder. “Listen, if Reg says he wasn’t involved, he wasn’t involved. I believe him. And you more than anyone should respect the fact that he’s trying to turn over a new leaf. As long as that’s the case, we’re going to help him do it. Understand?”

She looked like she wanted to retort, but thought better of it. She nodded, frowning, and muttered under her breath, “Fine.” Desdemona glared at McDrew, but didn’t argue. Instead, she turned to Wilhelmina. “Can you pass the toast?”

The group of friends let out a collective breath of relief. Regulus got the feeling that McDrew was the leader of this little gang. At any rate, anyone who could convince Desdemona Lewis to tolerate Regulus was impressive.

---

After the meal ended, Regulus, Broderick, Desdemona, and Wilhelmina headed down to the dungeons for Potions. The atmosphere was still tense and a bit awkward.

“So,” Regulus said, trying to break the tension, “What d’you think Slughorn’ll have us make today?”

“I don’t like you, Black,” Desdemona snapped, not even looking at him.

“You don’t like anyone, Des,” Wilhelmina replied casually. Broderick laughed. Desdemona pouted.

“I just have high standards, that’s all,” she said haughtily.

“High standards? Is that what they’re calling ‘being a judgmental bitch’ nowadays?” Wilelmina teased back.

Regulus cracked a smile, but his amusement seemed to really set Desdemona off. Broderick stepped in front of her to try and hold her back. “Des,” he said in a soothing, deep voice. “Remember what Woodrow said? We’re trying to help Regulus. He doesn’t want to be like the rest of those Death Eaters anymore. He wants to change. Remember, Woodrow told us. We have to be empathetic. We have to understand.”

“Understand? I understand! I understand that his little cult wants to eradicate Muggle culture! They don’t think people like you and me deserve to be at Hogwarts, because my mum’s a Muggle, or because I can’t prove my dad was a wizard, or because I was raised by Muggles or whatever! And I’m supposed to just accept that he’s changed? I may be judgmental and choosy about who I trust, but it’s for good reason! Because if we put our trust in the wrong person, we could end up dead!”

Desdemona stormed off ahead of them, leaving Regulus feeling as awful as ever. Despite his dislike of Desdemona’s unpleasant attitude towards him, she was completely justified. She had every right to hate Regulus. Was he being an idiot? Was it really possible for him to cut ties with his past, when his past involved such hurt and pain?

Broderick patted him on the back. “Hey, mate. I’m Muggleborn, and I still have faith you can change. If we don’t allow people from You-Know-Who’s side to change their minds and join us, we’ll never win the war. It’s just Des. You know, she’s got quite a temper and, between you and me, a ton of anxiety. She’ll come around, though. And I can tell, you’re not as off-your-rocker as that Ginger chick.”

Regulus was shocked at how kind of a person Broderick was—how kind all of McDrew’s friends were. Here Regulus was, asking them to accept him despite the awful people he’d aligned himself with, despite the awful things he had done. And they were willing to give him a second chance he knew he didn’t remotely deserve.

Regulus forced a small smile, still considering how he was ever going to fit in with this new group.

---

Despite a rocky start, Regulus’s attempts to gain new friends had been growing more and more successful with each passing day. By the end of the week, Regulus had taken to studying in the library with Broderick during their free periods, had accompanied Woodrow and Marlene on an adventure to visit the House Elves in the Kitchens, and had even managed to have a thirty second conversation with Desdemona that had not ended in screaming or cursing.

By Friday night, Regulus whistled happily in his dorm while he put gel in his hair before the year’s first Slug Club dinner. He had felt freer and happier than he had in a long time.

As Regulus strolled towards Slughorn’s office, he heard a strange whimpering. Curious, he followed the noises down an unfamiliar corridor, where he discovered their source—Desdemona. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, quietly crying. She was dressed up for Slughorn’s party, in a midnight blue dress and silver shoes. However, her makeup was running down her face, ruining the aesthetic. Her fingers were tapping noticeably at her side. Regulus was about to back away from the scene when she looked up and noticed him watching. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

“What the bloody hell are you looking at?”

“Um, I was just…going…I’ll leave you to it,” Regulus sputtered. He felt a pang of regret in his chest. Sure, he and Desdemona mixed about as well as oil and water. Sure, they had been hellbent on outcompeting and insulting each other for six years now. However, in the moment, she seemed vulnerable. He sighed, sure he would regret his next decision. But, he was trying to turn over a new leaf. And that included rectifying his past mistakes. Maybe, this could be a start.

Slowly, he approached her and slid down the wall, taking a seat onto the cool stone floor beside her. He awkwardly patted her shoulder. “Er…everything ok?” He winced at his tactlessness. Clearly everything was not okay.

For a moment, Regulus thought Des was going to snap at him. Then, her face melted and she took a deep breath. “Do you really want to know?” She asked, leaning her head back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. She tapped her fingers together more rapidly. Regulus didn’t quite know how to respond, so he simply nodded his head, inviting her to continue.

“My mum. She…ah…she died.”

Regulus’s heart sank for her. He was at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say to comfort the girl? “Oh. Sorry,” was all he could muster.

She shook her head and laughed emptily. “No. I shouldn’t be shocked. In fact, it’s a surprise it took her this long.”

“Was she sick?” Regulus asked.

“In a way.” Des furrowed her brow, as if considering whether to divulge any more private information. “I guess I can tell you. Since I’ve been ordered to be your ‘friend’ now.”

“I’ll ignore the sarcasm,” Regulus quipped, hoping to put her more at ease.

“What a shame,” she replied. After a brief pause, she continued: “My aunt always says it’s best to share your thoughts and emotions. ‘Don’t let yourself be controlled by them.’ I tell her that’s bullshit. If people knew half the things that went on inside my head…”

She paused, stopping herself. “Well, anyways,” said Desdemona, returning to the story. “My mum kind of…lost it…when my dad died. She had run away to the States to be with him. Given up everything. The family hardly approved, but she was head over heels. Hippies, the pair of them. Hence the name,” she gestured to herself.

Regulus chuckled. “Oh right. Desdemona Rain.”

“Awful, isn’t it? Anyways, dad died—I don’t know how, none of my family does. Mum wouldn’t tell them. After that, she brought me back to England. She started drinking. A lot. And then, one day, she left me with my aunt and uncle while she went to the store, and she never came back. I hadn’t heard from her in over ten years. Last my aunt had known, she was in some sort of rehab center up north. She…she didn’t want to see any of us…she didn’t want me to visit…” Desdemona took another deep breath. “The center…they—they called Aunt Eliza yesterday and said she had been released, then relapsed and OD’ed. I just found out.”

Regulus watched her as she attempted to steady her shaky breath. “I’m sorry. Do you…do you want me to walk you back to your dorm or something?”

“No, no,” she said, “Please don’t be nice to me. It makes me feel pathetic when you’re nice to me.”

Regulus laughed lightly.

“And besides,” she continued, wiping the makeup from under her eyes and smoothing her dress, “I can’t very well go back knowing that you’ll be hogging the time of whatever influential person Slughorn has brought for us this evening! Git.” Pulling out a small pocket mirror, she examined her reflection and dabbed away the remaining black streaks on her cheeks.

Regulus stood and hesitantly offered a hand to Desdemona. To his surprise, she took it and pulled herself up. Regulus awkwardly dropped her hand and spoke. “I’m sorry, Desdemona. Truly. I know that the things I’ve said and the people I’ve associated with in the past have hurt you. I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry. I like to tell myself that I never really believed those things, that I was trying to fit in and make my family proud. But, I didn’t try to stop it. And any pain I’ve caused you—directly or indirectly…You don’t deserve to be bullied or put down because of who your parents were or how you were raised. But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll say this: you’re an amazing witch. Probably better than any of the rest of us.”

“Wow. Can I get that in writing?” She joked. Then, seriously, she said, “Please, call me Des. I think I can allow it, seeing as you’ve unlocked a piece of my tragic backstory. I expect you to return the favor someday.”

“Come on, we’re already running late. Let’s go…Des.”

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descendantofthesparrow · 6 years ago

Text

Daughter of the Honorable thief - Harry Hook x reader - part 3 - threat and games

Harry Hook x Daughter of Robin Hood!Reader

key

h/c- hair color

e/c- eye color

h/l- hair length

s/c- skin color

y/n- your name

clothing reference:

---

Harry gave a tired sigh as he entered History of pirates and wood, he and Gil had gorged themselves on ice cream and candy all night and now he was suffering from not enough sleep, a sugar crash, and a stomach ache.

Glancing up he paused, there was (y/n), sitting in the seat next to his, her sketchbook open and her pencil flittering around on the page.

Harry smirked, plopping down next to her, and rose his brow flirtatiously, leaning in close to her.

“Hello, lassie~ I thought yeh sat in the back of the class? didn't know ye were meh seatmate now, were yeh just that into meh that yeh had ta switch seats to be next to meh?”

(y/n) snorted and shoved his face away gently, grinning back at him.

“nah, you and I were the only ones without a seatmate, and the teach asked me if I would be willing to move next to you, nothing like what you’re suggesting hooky~, by the way, I like the jacket”

Harry snickered, quickly grasping her hand and bringing it to his lips, making (y/n) giggle at the sensation.

“sorry, I couldn’t resist teasing such a pretty face~ and thanks, evie made it for meh, since I can't wear my long red one all the time, so she made me this one”

“Mr. Hook, Ms. Loxley, if I could begin my lesson please?”

Henry Turner, the class teacher, called out to both of you, making harry drop your hand and grin sheepishly at him.

You snickered and rolled your eyes, nodding at the teacher. He rose his brow and turned to the whiteboard.

“Alright today, we are talking about the brethren court.

Now, who can tell me the last king of the brethren court's name?”

Harry furrowed his brow, he felt like he should know this, being a pirate and all, but his brain drew a black, but in the corner of his eye, he saw (y/n)s hand shoot up.

“yes, Ms. Loxley?”

“Elizabeth Swan sir”

“good, now how is the king chosen?”

Once more (y/n)s hand shoot up, Mr. Turner pointed at her with a smile.

“they are chosen through a vote, though it usually ends in an impasse, as pirates only ever vote for themselves.”

“correct! And very educated Ms. Loxly, now how did Elizabeth become the king?...go ahead Ms. Loxley”

“Elizabeth voted for herself and jack sparrow also ended up voting for her.”

“correct! Now extra credit to who comes up here to name all the pirate lords from Elizabeth swans reign”

Mr. Turner had written on the board numbers, from 1-9.

(y/n) stood up and made her way to the whiteboard, Harry had been staring at her in awe the entire time, jaw dropped.

(y/n) quickly wrote down the names on the board, along with the areas of the sea and oceans they command over.

1. Ammand - Pirate Lord of the Black Sea

2. Hector Barbossa - Pirate Lord of the Caspian Sea

3. Chevalle - Pirate Lord of the Mediterranean Sea

4. Ching - Pirate Lord of the Pacific Ocean

5. Jocard - Pirate Lord of the Atlantic Ocean

6. Jack Sparrow - Pirate Lord of the Caribbean Sea

7. Sumbhajee Angria - Pirate Lord of the Indian Ocean

8. Elizabeth Swann - Pirate Lord of the South China Sea

9. Eduardo Villanueva - Pirate Lord of the Adriatic Sea

(y/n) grinned and tossed the marker to Mr.Turner, strutting back to her seat.

“all correct Ms.Loxley! impressive!”

As (y/n) sat down, Harry turned to her with wide eyes.

“Lassie where did yeh learn all that?!” (y/n) grinned and tapped her finger on Harry's nose, giggling.

“hehe I had a pirate phase when I was younger and I researched everything about them, and I simply retained the information after that~”

Harry snickered back, softly smiling at her in awe, this girl was just surprising him left and right.

The two chatted as class continued on, easily answering the teacher when he questioned them.

As Harry made his locker, he noticed (y/n) trailing behind him, smirking he turned around, now walking backward, licking his lips.

“now-now lassie~ do yeh like meh that much that yeh havta follow meh everywhere I go~”

(y/n) rolled her eyes and snorted, shaking her head. “no you doofus, my locker is right next to yours, that’s how I saw you being cornered by the lost boys”

Harry hummed and spun around, stopping at his locker. (y/n) stopped as well and locked hers, putting her books away as Harry grabbed his English books.

As they chatted, Happy’s son, Henry, walked up with a shy smile on his face.

“Hello, (y/n), um I was wondering if you would like to hang out today? Have some pleasant company?”

Harry caught the meaning behind the boy's words and rolled his eyes, of course, yes get the filthy pirate away from the maiden!

But once more, (y/n) surprised him.

“you’re about as subtle as a shit stain on white carpet, get lost”

Henry squeaked and bolted, figurative tail between his legs.

Harry and (y/n) glanced at each other before they burst out laughing

“HAHA oh my god lassie!!” Harry spoke through his laughter, tears spilling out of his eyes, “ yeh just continue to surprise meh! Haha!”

(y/n) chortled and winked, giving him finger guns, before turning back to her locker and digging into it for a couple of seconds before pulling back and tossing him a long blue plastic package.

Oreos. Harry smiled and nodded his thanks, (y/n) nodded back and shut her locker, backing away slightly. “I gotta go, it's my free period and the archery range is always empty at this point. See ya hook!”

“see ya, lassie!”

Harry turned and started to make his way to English class, while also opening his oreos, sticking his tongue slightly in concentration.

Looking down at the plastic packaging, he wasn’t watching where he was going and therefore didn’t see as someone walked down the hall and harshly slammed into his shoulder, Harry winced, thankfully not dropping his snack, but continued on, determined to open this dammed bag of oreos.

“filth like you should be sent back to the isle”

Harry stopped and slowly turned, his face dark.

“wha did yeh say yeh arsehole?”

Aaron, son of Esmerelda and Phoebus, stood several feet away from him glaring at Harry. “you heard me filth’

Harry growled, but restrained himself, the vks cant fight rule was only lifted yesterday, and it only counted when they were provoked, so he turned his cheek and continued on. Ignoring the other boy's taunts.

“Hook”

Harry groaned but turned and rose his brow, “wha’?”

The tanned skinned boy sneered and glared at him, an odd glint in his eyes, “stay away from (y/n), she’s mine.”

Harry snorted and gave a sly grin, his knuckles cracking at the possessive claim. “oh really? She never mentioned yeh been the time been chilling with each other, yeh sure yer that important to her, or even on her friend?”

Aaron snarled and spit at Harrys feet. “just stay away from her pirate, you'll regret it if you don’t.”

Aaron turned and stalked away, Harry rolled his eyes, please, this boy was less intimidating than lefou’s son.

But...Harry frowned, what was concerning, was the boy's obvious obsession with (y/n).

Hearing the bell for English class ring out, he sped up into a sprint and resolved to tell Uma after school ended.

---

Later after school ended, Harry sat with Uma and Gil, doing his math homework, gritting his teeth over a particularly hard question.

Oh wait he wanted to talk to Uma about Aaron and (y/n), lifting himself off of Gil's lap slightly, he turned to Uma.

“Uma” the teal haired black girl hummed and glanced at Harry, but the stern look on his face made her sit up from leaning on Gil's arm and realize this was going to be a serious talk between the two of them.

“Harry? What's up?”

Harry sighed and ran his hand through his fluffy brown-black hair, thinking of ways to convey his concern for (y/n).

“so I was making my way to English class and someone bumped me and said; “filth like yeh should be sent back teh the isle”.”

Gil and Uma glared at the words, Uma grit her teeth, but stopped herself from going on a rant, she could tell that wasn’t what was bothering Harry.

“well,” Gil mumbled, scratching the side of his face, “that’s a really rude thing for an Auradon kid to say isn’t it?”

Uma shrugged, at least it was just words, it wasn’t as bad as the dudes here who felt that just when a girl looked at them, the girl owed them a relationship or sex.

“nah, but that’s not all, he threatened me, over (y/n)”

That made Uma pause, “(y/n)?? as in (y/n) Loxley?”

Harry nodded and continued “aye, he claimed (y/n) was ‘his’ and told me to stay away from her and id regret it if I didn’t”

Uma took a breath, thinking over the implications of what the boy said.

“so, there is a boy who is obviously obsessed with (y/n) and probably dangerously so”

Harry and gil stared at Uma as she muttered to herself.

“alright” the two boys sat up, Uma used her captain voice, when she uses that voice, you pay attention. “im going to ask (y/n) about this, she needs to know, so maybe she can put out a report on him or something like that.”

Harry nodded and reached over from Gil's lap, sneaking some of Umas coveted soda flavored jelly beans, snickering when he narrowly avoided a slap of his hand from Uma.

Drawing back he stuffed the beans into his mouth. Giggling at Uma slapping his shoulders.

“well~ you sure look comfortable~”

Looking up, Harry saw (y/n), staring down at him, grinning down and giggling.

Harry smirked and sat up slightly, grasping (y/n)s hand “im even more relaxed now that yer here darling~”

(y/n) rolled her eyes, withdrawing her hand from Harrys and plopping down next to Uma, who offered her coveted jelly beans.

“flirt, anyway I just came by to ask if yall wanted to play some video games with me?”

“sure,” Uma nodded, before remembering that she wanted to ask (y/n) about Aaron. “one question tho,” (y/n) hummed around her jelly beans and gestured for Uma to continue “do you know of a dude named Aaron?”

(y/n) groaned and flopped on her back, “yeah I know of him, he's a fucking creep, did he threaten one of you?”

“yeah, harry”

“uggg! Im guessing he claimed me as ‘his’, next time he does that shit, smack him for me.”

(y/n) had obviously dealt with Aaron before, and was tired of his shit.

Gil, sensing the tension in the air decided to cut it with bringing up the offer (y/n) made moments before, “so video game?”

(y/n) perked up, oh yeah! She sat up and grinned at the three teen pirates, “its called super smash bros, it’s a brawling game, its super fun! Do ya guys wanna play?”

The three glanced around at each other, before (y/n)s exited grin turned to a sneaky smirk

“winner gets to smack the loser with a plate full of whipped cream~”

The three teens jumped up from their spots and quickly packed up their stuff, eagerly following (y/n) back to her room to play.

An hour and a half later, (y/n) was filling a plate Uma was holding while Gil held Harry down as he screeched.

“Uma cheated!!! She cheated!! Im not letting her smash cream on meh face let meh go Gil!!”

Gil was just laughing as you topped off the plate and Uma grabbed the can and sprayed some into her mouth, before grinning down at Harry.

“nonononon AH!”

The three of you burst out laughing as Harry's face and hair was covered in the white substance, he made as ‘eeugh’ sound as he wiped his eyes and flicked his hands to remove the cream.

“yeh all suck”

“nah” (y/n) giggled, squirting some cream onto her finger, “you agreed to the consequences of losing and you lost! Fair and square!”

“whatever” Harry mumbled as he rolled his eyes, grunting he stood up from the ground and walked into the bathroom to clean up.

“so (y/n)” Uma asked, (y/n) smiled and hummed, looking over at Uma. “how long has Aaron been acting like that?”

(y/n) rolled her eyes and huffed, “since middle school, he had this idea in his head that we were made for each other. “

Uma nodded before something came to her mind.

“one more question,” (y/n) nodded, tilting her head “why are you being so nice to us, no one else is?”

(y/n) looked down at the floor of her dorm, before staring right into Umas eyes, speaking loud enough for gil and harry to hear her.

“I guess its because I know you’ve all had a shit life, and you deserve some kindness.”

Uma stared at the (h/c) girl for a moment, before she broke her gaze and looked down at the floor.

“Um, thanks…I guess”

(y/n) smiled and bumped Umas shoulder with hers. “no problem”

A few moments of silence, other than harry using the sink int the bathroom, then (y/n) spoke up once more.

“umm, I know we've been hanging out, but I was wondering if you guys would be willing to be friends?”

Harry poked his head out of the bathroom, the whipped cream now clean from his head. The three pirates looked at each other before a smirk overcame on Umas face.

“sure, but you can only join our group if you do one thing.”

(y/n) tilted her head, raising her brow “and that is?”

Uma cackled, the boys smirking, knowing what was going to happen.

“prank mal.”

…

They thought (y/n) would deny the deal, but once again she surprised them.

A devious smirk spread on (y/n)s face, already having a million pranks going through her brain.

“deal, when do you want me to do it?”

Uma cackled, ah they found they best Auradon kid ever.

“as long as it's within the week”

“I got one already, it'll be done by tomorrow morning”

“can't wait to see what yeh do lassie~!”

--end of part 3--

Comment or message me for part 4

#descendants #Descendents #disney descendants #harry hook #harryhook #descendants harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #thomas doherty #daughter of the honorable thief

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ohtheseboysilove · 6 years ago

Text

The sunflower always finds its sunlight I [Roger Taylor x F!Reader]

Words : 2, 400 (the next chapters are longer!)

Warnings : Slowburn!fic, language, sad shit, angst (but who is surprise?)

Summary : Roger likes Reader since forever but the timing seems to just never be right for them. Reader is still haunted by her past relationship and kept rejecting Roger who know nothing about the abuses she had been victim of. After being rejected for the sixth time, Roger thinks it’s time for him to move on…

Note : Yes it’s lme again ! With more angst because i can only write angsty story bruuuh! So here is my latest baby and I had think about writing it since months so I’m happy to finally show it to you lovies ! The story covered a period of eight years during the first two chapters which are essentially flash-backs then it’s go back to the present and it’s definitively a slow burn!fic.

Hope you’ready for heartbroken!Roger because he is gonna suffer, im telling you (Reader too ofc!!!)

Also very important : This story is going to talk about very sensitive topics like eating disorders, physical, sexual and emotional abuses so if you don’t feel comfortable about any of them, please don’t read my story. I will put it in the Warnings section when the chapters will abord theses topics.

☀ Masterlist ☀

Roger gulped the rest of his neat whisky, wiping furiously his teary eyes. He knew catching feeling was the worst idea possible but he didn’t decide to, it just happened. And now he was regretting to finally experienced a heartbroken. It sucked. The girl he had been stupidly in love for years had reject him not once, not twice or even three times but six painfully times. And he perfectly remembered each of these times even if the first no you said to him had happen almost eight years ago, the night when you met each other.

You were just eighteen, the little newbie in the city of London, here for your studies when you met Freddie at the Kensington market. He guessed right away that you weren’t from here and after hours of talking, he invited you to come with him at a gig his friends had during the evening. Of course you said yes, it was your first night out after two weeks in London, you were excited.

Don’t Forget to Smile! was a great band, good music and powerful energy, you spent a fantastic night with Fred and his not-yet girlfriend Mary. He introduced you to the band and all of you had a beer in one of the crappy booth from the pub, Tim, Brian and Roger were as nice as Freddie so you did enjoy your evening.

Freddie told you the drummer was a real flirt, no meaning any harm but it just couldn’t resist to do does-eyes to every pretty girl in the pub, including you.

“How a sweet little thing like you could be single ?” You smiled to Roger, flattered to be pretty enough for the blond to use his charm on you.

“Well, introduce me to a cute guy and maybe it could fix the issue” You sassed back with a grin, earning few laughs from the table.

“You got one right in front of you, love” The blond winked at you, his round eyes checking you out without a once of shame.

“You’re right Roger” You nodded and gave him your most charming smile before turning to Brian. “Want to have a drink with me Bri ?” Everyone laughed excepted Roger who rolled his eyes, pouting like a kid.

“If I wasn’t with my fantastic girlfriend, I would certainly say yes (Y/N)” The guitarist joked back and gave your hand a kiss like a perfect gentleman.

“I understand Brian” You sighed deeply then turned toward Tim. “Maybe I had a chance with another cutie like you ?” The singer blushed and took a sip of his beer to hide his flustered state. You were a pretty girl and he wasn’t blind.

“Tim forget that, (Y/N), you should go on a date with me. The girls always have a good time with me” The drummer stood up and came sit next to you, arm throwing around your shoulders, cocky and confident smile on his features. “What do you say ? Want to go out with me ?” One of his hand ended up on your knee, squeezing it gently.

“Nice try but no thanks Rog” You giggled as you shook your head, pushing him away. “And if you want an advice, next time you ask a girl out, don’t leered in another girl neckline in same time” You grinned and glanced at the girl sat at the bar, cheeks flushed by Roger’s not-so-discrete glares.

All the table let a Oooow out, teasing the blond about it.

“I wasn’t– Okay I was looking at this girl but she’s hot and, this one, she is interested in me so I guess I’m gonna talk to her” He finished his drink and lowered his head to your ear, murmuring words that at the moment weren’t serious, not knowing that years later, he would still think about it. “I saw how you look at me, even if it take me ten years, I’m gonna kiss these pretty lips of yours and made sweet love to you, beautiful girl” Your eyes were wide-opened at the audacity of the man but chuckled anyway, watched him with an amusing smile walking to the redhead girl.

Roger waved to the bartender for another whisky, a double one as all these memories were coming back, roughly hitting him in the face. The first time had been a joke but the second time was more serious but completely useless as he totally misread the situation purely and simply.

During the next six months, you became of good friend of the band, hanging with them most of your free time and Roger found himself growing attached to you. Not in a romantically way but friendlily speaking. You were one of the first girl he was only friend with, without wanting something more. Well, of course if you decided suddenly you wanted to have a wild and hot session of sex with him, he wouldn’t say no, you were too pretty for that but, it was rather nice to have you as a friend, he found you funny and real cool to hang around. He kept flirting with you but lightly, more like a joke than anything until one day he heard you chatting with Fred.

“I don’t think he feel the same about me...” You complained with a whining voice. “I mean did you see him ? He is really popular with girls, why he would waste his time with me ? It won’t happen”

“Don’t be silly darling, this man is always ogling you, I know he have a thing for you” Replied the dark-haired man in a scold. “I can feel the tension between the two of you when you are around each other. You need to do something about it”

Roger smirked at his friend’s words, he wasn’t wrong about the sexual tension, the blond felt it too. He cleared loudly his throat to announce his arrival and entered the flat he was sharing with Freddie.

“Roger, darling ! The man (Y/N) wanted to see” You made big eyes to your friend, silently scolding him. “I have some stuffs to do so I let you talk” He winked and disappeared of the flat, leaving you nervously fidgeting your fingers.

“How ya doing love ?” He gave you the most flirty smile he had in stock as you blushed, tucking your hairs behind your hairs. “What do you want to talk about ?” He sat on the sofa and tapped the empty space next to him.

“Well, hum...I wanted to ask you something Rog” The drummer smiled wider as you sat, finding incredibly cute how crimson you were becoming. The thought of dating you gently germed in his brain, he could eventually give it a try. “Do you think your friend Donovan would be interest to go on a date with me ?” You quickly gabbled with a shy smile.

Roger found himself silent at your demand. Donovan ? You were talking about Donovan during you and Freddie’s conversation ? He felt incredibly stupid.

“I...hum, I don’t know, never think about it” He stuttered with pink cheeks, he never thought you were into his and Brian’ school friend, Donovan. How did he miss that ?

“Oh. I got it, it’s okay Rog, I prefer honesty you know” You replied sadly, persuaded that he didn’t know how to told you his friend didn’t like you back. Roger looked at you, completely stupefied that you could even think someone wouldn’t be into you, what a joke. “That’s fine, really. He is way out of my league anyway” You chuckled but interiorly you wanted to cry.

“No, no, no ! I think you have your chance (Y/N)” The blond caught your hand and gently pressed it. Maybe it was for the best if you stayed friends, Roger wasn’t the best in relationship and he didn’t want to lose you. “I’m sorry you thought the contrary, I...I thought you were about to ask me out” He confessed with a little smile, earning a surprised gasp from you.

“Oh! Oh! Roger I’m sorry–“

“(Y/N), it’s more than fine, okay ? I just acted a bit too confident, I learned a lesson today, love” He winked and tousled teasingly your hairs. “I think you should ask out Donovan, he will say yes. I have no doubt, he is not stupid to say no to an amazing girl like you” You blushed furiously at his words and thanked him with a happy smile.

If Roger knew you would date his...friend, he was a bit too jealous now to call him a friend, for four long years, maybe he wouldn’t have encouraging you. And after what Donovan did to you, you wished he hadn’t but none of you could have guessed what would happen. The blond was more than fine about you and his friend dating at the beginning but as months flew by, he found himself being a bit envious of Donovan. When he kissed you sweetly at you entered the pub or how happily you squealed when you announced to everyone that you were moving in together. It was some little things who made him thought how badly he wanted to be the one who make you so happy. But it wasn’t him and Roger was your friend so he kept his mouth shut and simply continued his life. The band had now Freddie as lead singer and John Deacon as bass player, touring and becoming more and more popular as years went by. Thankfully you and the boys remained close, everything was great until Donovan get a promotion for a job in New-York. Roger completely freaked out to see you move away from him, it was selfish but he couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing you anymore. It surprised everyone but you didn’t follow Donovan, you and him broke up and you stayed in London, Roger felt horrible but it couldn’t control how happy it had make him. You, in the other hand, was more than relieved that Donovan was now your ex-boyfriend, after years of suffering in silence, you were finally free of him. Everyone thought you were heartbroken because he left but the truth was you were broken because of all the awful things he did to you and no one never knew. You never told anyone, too ashamed to speak. That the event which leaded us to the third time Roger tried to ask you out.

Roger was nervous to see you again after touring for five months, he remembered how sad and broken you had been after your and Donovan’s break up but he was decided to make you smile again. He was dying to ask you out, feeling ready to commit himself to someone but only if that someone was you, he had a lot of fun during all these years but you had always occupied a little place in his thoughts, his feeling growing with the years. And now you were single again, he wasn’t a horny dog to jump on your bones as soon as you were free, he showed up at your place, with the firm intention to tell you he wanted to be with you, around a bit more than a year after your break-up with Donovan. You and Roger had been so close lately, he thought you were feeling like him. He was wrong.

“Hi (Y/N)” He said almost timidly as you opened your flat’s door, wearing your favourite pair of pyjama. You watched him surprised as he gave you the sunflower he had in his hand, a sweet smile in his face. Your forever favourite flower, how cute.

“Roger, what are you doing here ?” You asked as your fingers gently ran on the flower, you had almost forget how happy this simple gesture used to make you happy.

“I...I need to tell you something” You gazed back to him, his cheeks flushing lightly. You had no idea what all of this was about but it felt weird to see Roger so timid and awkward. “I like you (Y/N), a lot. I think you’re the prettiest, most marvellous girl I ever met and I think–“

“Rog...” You murmured with a sad grimace, the blond stopped talking as soon as he caught the look on your face, shame waving on him. You weren’t feeling the same.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I thought, after these past months, that you and me were on the same page but I guess I was wrong” He scratched his neck, cheeks crimson at the rejection.

“Roger I swear, it’s not about you, okay ? We did grow closer these past months but... I don’t want to date anyone for now. I’m not ready and honestly I have no idea when I will be, Rog” You explained with a little voice, feeling stupid to be still emotionally broken by your asshole of ex-boyfriend.

The drummer felt his heart melted at your state, he could see the sadness in your eyes, proving that you weren’t lying. You weren’t ready yet for anything new, of course he understood that.

“I asked you too soon, didn’t I ?” You nodded shyly and wiped away the single tear which escaped your glassy eyes. “I’m sorry. I thought...I mean you looked better than the first months so I gave it a chance. My mistake. But I guess you were too in love to forget him in only a year” The drummer tried to light up the atmosphere and you didn’t say anything about the fact that you weren’t in love anymore months before the break-up, you weren’t ready to tell anyone about this story.

“You have nothing to apologise for Rog. I hope we can still be friend even if I said no” You smiled sweetly and felt relieve when he smiled back, he wasn’t mad at you.

“Of course, love. You only rejected me three times, I have few more tricks in my sleeve” He winked playfully and both of you chuckled.

“Want to come in and watch a movie with me ? I got some leftover pizza” Roger nodded eagerly and followed you inside, both of you spending the evening cuddling on the sofa but nothing more happened that night.

“I think you had enough drinks tonight, buddy. Time to go home” The drummer glared angrily at the bartender but his head was spinning a bit so it was probably for the best.

He still drank the rest of his whisky and slowly made his way out before waving a taxi to go home. He fell asleep in the cab but once he was at home, he was decided to think about the three other times you had reject him. He needed to understand where it went wrong if he wanted a proper chance to move on.

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#roger taylor x reader

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