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demonpiratehuntress · 8 days ago

Text

they make you cry

featuring - Zoro x F!Reader, Ace x F!Reader, Kaku x F!Reader, Law x F!Reader, Luffy x F!Reader, Sanji x F!Reader, Usopp x F!Reader

summary - sometimes you just can't handle the things they say/do

warnings - angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

taglist - @kabloswrld

a/n - this took forever to write, and I'm sorry! had to fight my writer's block real hard to get this out ☠️ some of them seem rushed and im sorry about that too!

ZORO

Zoro could be mean, you knew this when you started dating him. He didn't mince his words, nor did he sugarcoat anything. Especially when he was angry, that's when he could be the cruelest. You just never expected to be on the receiving end of that cruelty.

You were just trying to help, honestly. You thought it might be a nice gesture if you wiped his swords clean for him while he napped, and you thought he'd appreciate it. But the moment you dropped them while putting them back and woke him up, it was like something had possessed him.

"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, sitting up and looking at you, his eyes hard.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to clean them for you," you tried explaining yourself, hoping he wouldn't be too angry. Hoping he would calm down and stop looking at you like that.

"Why would you think that?" He scoffed. "I clean them myself, there's no need for you to do it. There's no need for you touch them at all, actually."

"I'm sorry," you apologised again, shrinking away and feeling hurt by his tone already.

"Just don't do it again," he snapped, "You don't know anything about swords. It wouldn't be such a problem if you were more like me and less like you."

"Less like me?" The tears filled your eyes before you could stop them. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing, just go away and let me nap."

And go away you did. You left his room with your eyes almost overflowing, hand covering your mouth to stifle the sob that was about to come out. You didn't understand what brought that on, why he had been so mean to you.

"(Name), wait-"

You ran off the moment his door opened again, trying to put as much distance between him and yourself as possible. You were hurt, so incredibly hurt, that you barely made it to your room before you broke down in tears, burying your face in your hands. You tried to calm down, you did, but his unprovoked verbal attack struck you right where it hurt the most, your heart. You didn't understand what he meant by "less like you", and you didn't think you wanted to. It was insult enough already.

A knock on your door startled you, and you quickly wiped your face to try and get rid of the tears but your eyes were still red and puffy. Which was immediately noticed by the swordsman when you opened the door, and he frowned.

"Were you crying?"

"What do you want?" You asked him, sniffing. "Did you come to insult me more? Maybe tell me again to stay away from your precious swords? Save it."

"I'm sorry," he interjected, taking you by surprise. He shifted nervously, not really knowing how to apologise but wanting to try because you meant more to him than he could ever say and he hated that he'd hurt you.

"Is that it?" You scoffed, about to close the door.

"No, no wait!" He stopped you, swallowing thickly and looking at the floor. "You know I'm not good with apologies. But I mean it when I say I'm sorry for what I said. You were just trying to do something nice for me and I snapped at you because I was in a mood. The stupid cook annoyed me earlier and I...didn't mean to take it out on you."

You crossed your arms, trying to look mad but you only looked sad and it tugged at Zoro's heartstrings, "Okay."

His expression softened, and when you allowed him he pulled you into his arms and hugged you, trying to show how sorry he was through his actions since he couldn't say it. He rubbed your back soothingly, pressing a gentle and apologetic kiss to the top of your head.

"But if you speak to me like that again, I'm throwing your swords into the ocean."

He chuckled, "Deal."

He spent the next few days making it up to you in various ways, either buying you a special gift from any island you stopped by, or hugging/cuddling you a little longer than usual, or teaching you some moves with his swords to prove he trusted you with them. Eventually, when his overbearing affection started worrying the crew, you had to forgive him.

ACE

The crew was celebrating a big win. Stopping by a nearby island, majority of the crewmembers could be found in bars and taverns, drinking their weight in alcohol. You were amongst them, not drinking as much but joining the merriment regardless. You smiled at the antics of your crewmates, who were trying to drunkenly flirt with woman around the room.

Your smile vanished the moment your eyes settled on your boyfriend, who was busy entertaining a crowd of younger women with the tale of your victory.

Now normally that isn't a cause for upset with you, but he tended to get a little overfriendly and even though you've spoken to him about it many, many times, he hasn't made an effort to stop his flirting - even if he didn't see it as flirting, those women certainly did. And that was the problem, he always let them think that and allowed them to get handsy with him.

You rolled your eyes, downing your drink so you could get out of here. When you lowered your pint again, the sight of one of their hands on his arm made you sick. Usually you would get angry and storm over there and break up the party, but today the sight brought tears to your eyes. It hurt you that he always did this, even when you'd asked him not to.

"(Name), where you going?" One of your crewmates asked you when they noticed you getting up. "It's still early!"

You forced a smile, trying to hide your glassy eyes, "I, uh-"

"(Name)!" Ace called you cheerfully, waving you over, "Come here!"

You frowned, then shook your head before turning and leaving the bar, letting the tears fall now that you were out of sight from the rest of the crew. Your vision blurred on the way back to the ship, but you somehow managed to get there without hurting yourself and broke down into quiet sobs as you sat on your bed and buried your face in your hands.

Sometimes it felt like you weren't enough for him, whether it was physically or emotionally. He could make you feel like the worst lover sometimes, like you couldn't give him what he wanted, even if he didn't mean to. You knew he had commitment issues, but you thought your relationship was getting more serious at this point.

"(Name)!" Ace burst into the room, looking worried. "Hey, why did you leave?"

You didn't answer, turning away from him and curling up into a foetal position facing the wall your bed was placed against. You couldn't look at him right now, not when the tears wouldn't stop.

"Baby?" He called again, the bed dipping beside you to indicate that he had sat down. "I know you're not asleep."

He reached out and gently touched your shoulder, urging you to turn around and face him. You sighed and shifted around, looking at him with a tear-stained face. His eyes instantly went wide and he flew into a panic.

"What happened? Did someone do something to you?"

"Ugh, stop it," you groaned, sitting up. "Don't pretend to care about me when you constantly do what I tell you hurts my feelings." Just mentioning it again brought the tears back, and you cursed.

He frowned when you said this, "But I wasn't flirting with them."

You gave him an exasperated look, "Do you ever realise that they consider it flirting? That they try to seduce you with all their little touches and stupid flirty smiles? No, you don't." You hastily wiped your eyes, now getting angry.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, Ace. You do this all the time. And it really, really hurts."

His expression softened, and he grabbed you and pulled you onto his lap with ease. No matter how mad you were at him, your body never fought his touch or embrace.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into your hair. "I didn't realise they were trying to do that. I was so caught up in telling the story, especially the part where you took out all of those pirates, that I didn't see they weren't really interested. I'm sorry I'm so stupid."

The sincerity in his voice eased your mood, and you slowly stopped crying and pulled away to look at him, "Next time just ask me to come sit with you."

"I'll do better than that baby, I'll put you on my lap."

"You know that doesn't end well."

"On the contrary-"

You sighed and shook your head, unable to help the smile that formed on your lips. He really was an idiot, but he was your idiot and even if he did stupid things a lot of the time, you loved him very much.

KAKU

You and Kaku hardly ever fought, because he was a very patient and very reasonable man. He never gave you any reason to be upset with him, because while he was a ruthless assassin, to you he was an absolute sweetheart. The only problem was that he sometimes left for long missions, and you were left worrying about him at home and not knowing what was going on because he was deep undercover that he couldn't even contact you.

Like now, where he was working undercover as a foreman in Water 7. You had asked him once again if you could come with, seeing as neither of you knew how long he'd be away this time. But he refused, gently reminding you that he didn't want to put you in any danger and that your house - so far off the grid absolutely no one knew about it - was the safest place for you. You had no other option but to agree.

After many, many months spent worrying about him and struggling to sleep not knowing what's going on, your boyfriend stumbled in through the front door one night absolutely destroyed. You'd come down with one of his swords in hand - one that he kept around the house for you - only to stop dead at the sight of Kaku standing there. Actually, standing was generous. He was barely keeping himself off the ground, tall frame hunched over and trembling.

"Oh my god, Kaku!" You dropped the blade and rushed to his side, laying one of his arms around your shoulders so you could at least help him to the couch. "What the hell happened?"

"It's a long story," he groaned, laying his head over the back of the couch and closing his eyes. "Short version - the Straw Hats."

You frowned at his brief response, going to fetch your first aid kit - you'd learned after the first few times he came home that you'd need one - and bringing it back to him.

"I think I deserve an explanation," you pressed, sitting beside him and starting to tend to his more obvious wounds. "You owe me that much."

"I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled. "I'm sorry."

You didn't respond, and he cracked an eye open to see why. When he noticed how your eyes had become glassy and your bottom lip was trembling but you were biting it hard to stop it, his expression softened.

"Oh, honey."

He gently took the first aid from you and set it aside before bringing you into his arms, wrapping them around you securely. He pressed gentle kisses to the top of your head, ignoring the pain as he held you against his chest.

"I'm sorry."

"This is the worst I've ever seen you," you managed to get out, your voice small and hurt. "I had no contact with you for the longest time since you started working for them, and then you come back looking like this..." You couldn't help it, the tears just kept falling no matter how hard you tried to stop them.

He held you tighter, then moved one hand up to wipe your tears away, "But I came back, didn't I? I'm here."

You knew he was trying to reassure you, but it was difficult to be reassured when he constantly did this to you. You looked at him sceptically.

"Why would I ever risk dying?" He questioned softly, cupping your cheek in his large hand. "I have you to come home to, I don't put myself in a situation I don't think I can come out of." He kissed the tip of your nose, to make you smile like it always did. "Besides, did you ever think that maybe I like having you play nurse for me?"

You managed a small smile, warmed by his words, "Oh you do, huh?"

"Mhm."

"I guess I can forgive you. On one condition."

"Anything, honey."

"I'm coming with you on your next assignment."

"...I don't have a choice, do I?"

"Nope."

He sighed, but planted a loving kiss on your forehead, "If it will ease your mind, then okay. But you have to let me make sure your cover is safe too."

"Deal."

LAW

Law was a very complicated man, with a lot of baggage and trauma he liked to keep away from everyone else. He was reclusive, and he never quite expressed his emotions as healthily as he should. Most days you did your best to understand, to step back and be the more rational one. But sometimes his actions don't make sense, and he ends up hurting you a lot more than he thinks - or notices.

Take the last few days, for example. You two had grown quite close over the course of your relationship and he was now quite comfortable with you and showing you affection - although still privately. But ever since you'd met the Straw Hat crew and he'd been introduced to their smartest member, Robin, he'd been a lot more distant and a lot less affectionate. Like he was beginning to forget you existed.

You started to feel insecure about not being as intelligent as her and not having anything in common with your boyfriend. You'd never liked books, they paled in comparison to the adventures you embarked on on a daily basis. But now it had come back to haunt you, and in the worst way possible.

"Law, do you want to-"

"Not now, (Name)-ya," he didn't even look up from his work. "I'm just finishing some notes on something that Robin asked for."

"Oh, okay. Let me know when you're-"

"I will be heading to their ship shortly, she has a collection of books I would like to study."

"...Right. Okay."

You blinked back tears, knowing he would just get irritated with your emotional display. Turning away from him, you left the room to go get some air and maybe feel sorry for yourself. It did hurt, him immediately dismissing you for another woman, even if it wasn't romantic. He was spending less time with you, and more time with her.

"(Name)!"

Your face lit up, thinking Law had finally come to his senses. But when you turned around, you saw him making his way to the Thousand Sunny while Bepo was the one who had called out to you. And then you couldn't hold it back anymore; you burst into tears.

You usually didn't cry like this. You were good at keeping your emotions in check. It was a side-effect of being around the stoic captain so much - you'd learned how to control your own emotions. But right now, it was too much to bear and your insecurities and fears came crashing down around you, drowning you in sorrow.

"What's wrong??" Bepo asked worriedly, immediately pulling you into a hug. "Did something happen?"

"No," you hiccupped, "I mean, yes, but it doesn't matter."

Your eyes drifted to the deck of the Sunny, where Law was engaged in what looked like a meaningful conversation with the female devil fruit user. Sighing, you tried your best to wipe your eyes and gently pushed Bepo away.

"I'm okay, I just...I need to be alone."

As you walked off, Bepo followed your gaze and spotted the issue. He frowned, having also noticed that his captain had recently been preferring Robin's company over his own girlfriend.

"Captain!" The bear called, rushing over to Law and Robin.

"Not now, Bepo," Law dismissed him, returning his attention to the raven-haired woman.

"But something is wrong with (Name)!" Bepo protested, whoch was a half-lie, half-truth. There was something wrong, but it wasn't with you. He just knew Law wouldn't follow him back otherwise.

"What?" Law instantly felt worry start to fill him. "Where is she?"

"I don't know, I saw her just now, crying, and then she ran off."

Law frowned. He didn't like it when you cried. Not because it was irritating, but because he always got this weird, ugly feeling when you did. You should never have to cry, you should never have to feel pain. Instantly, he goes back to the Polar Tang but not to look for you. He just simply uses his devil fruit to get you back into his room, and when he does he feels guilty by the sight.

Your eyes are red and puffy and you're sniffing like you're sick, but you're not sick. You're avoiding his gaze and casting your eyes downward to the floor, unable to look at him. And you're hugging yourself.

"(Name)-ya," he calls, hoping to get you to look at him.

"I thought you were with Robin," you tell him quietly, the hurt evident in your small, vulnerable voice.

He frowns, "I was, but-"

"Then we don't need to talk about anything," you cut him off. "I'm fine, go bacl to your conversation." You can't help being a bit snippy, tired of crying and even more so of being sad.

"You have been crying," he argued, "That is my concern."

"Oh really?" You suddenly glared at him. "I didn't think you'd notice. But you didn't, did you? Bepo had to tell you, because you were so engrossed in your new girlfriend!" You scoffed, rubbing your face and getting up. "Leave me alone."

"No," Law blocked your path out of the room. "I want to talk about this. And...I want to apologise for hurting you." He paused awkwardly, never good with apologies. "I didn't mean to spend so much time with her and neglect you, I promise. I just kept losing track of time, and I got a little bit eager that someone else was interested in some of the same things I am."

"Yeah, I know," you mumbled, "I'm sorry I'm not that person. I'm sorry I'm not your ideal girlfriend." The tears started falling again, and the ache returned to Law's chest.

"That's not what I meant," he moved closer, "You are perfect just the way you are. I don't want you to be like me, I don't think I could date someone like me. I often wonder how you do it."

Your eyes widen at the vulnerable revelation, and that leads you to start listening to his sincere words and slowly calm down.

"If I neglect you like that again, please just tell me," he pleaded, taking your hands in his. "Don't suffer in silence, I don't like seeing how it's affected you. And I don't like being the reason you cry. So please, just talk to me when I hurt you. Pull me away from any conversation, throw my books, whatever. Just make sure I listen."

"Okay," you slowly smiled, nodding. "But you can't yell at me if I do."

He sighed, but felt relieved that he was forgiven, "I won't."

"Great. Now you owe me a lot of cuddles and even more kisses," you pout. "And double the amount of hugs."

"Done, done and done," he murmured as he leaned down to kiss you sweetly and gently.

LUFFY

If Luffy hasn't upset you in some way, you'd be suspicious. His carefree nature was bound to anger or frustrate you in some way or the other, and his tendency to overexert himself in fights often ended with you concerned for his health in general. He's never made you cry, because if there's one thing Luffy can do well it's keep his promises.

Until he meets Boa Hancock.

And you get it. She's gorgeous, she's powerful, she's a queen. She's everything a woman should be, and you can't help but feel envious of the attention she gets from men. Luffy doesn't really care for her looks, which is a little comforting, however she found the way to his heart and every time you guys met her on the ocean she had the nerve to throw him a huge feast. And your beloved, naive boyfriend always thought she was just being nice and gorged himself on her food, missing the way she looked at him longingly and not understanding her flirtatious advances.

But you understood them very well.

But as mentioned before, she's a powerful person. Not just because she's a devil fruit user, but also because she's a Warlord. You knew you couldn't piss her off in any way, for the safety of the crew, but she had no such qualms. It seemed she knew that you hated how much she attended to Luffy, she knew how much you hated her advances and how Luffy always ate whatever she offered. And she abused her title, doing it on purpose because she knew there was nothing you could do.

Most of the time it was just frustrating beyond comparison. But slowly it ate away at you, and one particular meeting had you excusing yourself in an attempt to escape what seemed like a suffocating situation.

Boa was once again on your ship - it seemed like she purposely sought it out just to see your boyfriend, and she probably did. Luffy was enjoying yet another one of her feasts, and she was sat right beside him. Touching his arm and saying sweet things to him like he didn't already have a girlfriend. Batting her eyelashes at him and offering him sweet smiles that would knock the socks off any man other than Luffy. Once again, he didn't seem to notice how uncomfortable it made you, and you felt your eyes brim with tears.

Maybe he did notice and just didn't mind. Maybe he did notice and actually enjoyed her attention like everyone else did. Maybe you had him all wrong in this particular situation. He had spent a long time with her on her island, after all.

"Excuse me," you mumble to no one in particular, rising from your seat and swiftly exiting the room. It was like you couldn't breathe, your throat burning as the tears started falling faster and faster, until you could barely see.

You were sure he hasn't even noticed you were gone. He probably hadn't even seen you leave. And that thought had you clinging to your pillow harder as you screamed into it, hot angry tears rolling down your cheeks in unstoppable waves. You were so hurt and upset that you didn't notice your room door swing open and a certain captain barge in.

"(Name)?" Luffy called, sounding confused. "Are you okay?"

You felt your body bounce a little as the overeager captain jumped onto your bed, but in your stubbornness you refused to look at him and turned away instead.

"Go away, Luffy."

Luffy was not used to hearing those words from you. Nor was he used to hearing the sadness in your voice, the way it cracked halfway, and the miserable sniff that came afterwards. He was not used to seeing you like this, so sad.

"What's wrong?" He tugged on your shoulder, trying to get you to turn back around to face him. "Are you sick? Is your stomach sore?"

"No, Luffy!" You sat up and yelled in exasperation. "I'm tired! I'm so, so tired okay!" You rubbed your face and curled up, thighs pressed tightly to your chest. "I'm tired of my boyfriend letting some other woman fawn over him with no boundaries. I'm tired of watching my boyfriend be sweet-talked and flirted with by some other woman. And I can't do anything, because she's a Warlord!"

Luffy's eyes went wide, and then he burst out laughing, "Are you worried about Hammock?" The incorrect name almost had you smiling, but you managed to keep your face stoic. "(Name), I only want you. You know that right?"

"Yes," you sighed, "And I trust you, Luffy. It's just...you never stop her and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not enough. Like she does more for you than I ever could." Your gaze fell. "Sometimes I think you actually like her."

Suddenly his arms were around you and he was squeezing you in the tightest hug he'd ever given.

"I don't like anyone the way I like you, (Name)," he promised. "ANd I never will. You are the only person who makes me feel like this, and you do enough for me already. You cook for me! I bet Hammock doesn't even make the food herself. If it came to choosing you or her, it would always be you."

Your cheeks burned when he said that, and slowly a smile formed on your lips, "That's really sweet, Luffy. Thank you. I needed to hear that."

He nuzzled his face against yours affectionately, "I will remind you as many times as you want!"

SANJI

Sanji's most annoying habit tended to irritate you majority of the time, and every instance ended with you practically fuming and storming off after telling him off angrily. He would normally appease you with something sweet, or your favourite dish. In some extreme cases, both. But you never stayed mad at him, because he made it impossible for you to do so. You just never expected that one day the hurt would become too much for you to handle, and you'd react with sadness rather than fury.

The crew had been given the day off to explore another island. Everyone had split to do their own things, but the cook insisted on accompanying you because it was one of the rare times he got to spend alone with you for an entire day. So the two of you strolled through the vibrant town, enjoying the atmosphere and each other's presence.

That is, until Sanji forgot about your warning to not flirt with anyone on this island. He deemed it just being a gentleman, but you knew better than that.

When you caught him staring as your words faltered, you expected the usual bout of anger to flare within you. You were ready to tell him off again, a dozen insults coming to mind for that woman, when you felt a sharp pang in your chest instead. Your words caught in your throat, and a sorrow like nothing you'd ever experienced filled you.

Had he been staring the entire time you were talking to him? To make matters worse, he seemed to forget you were speaking and drifted over to the lady to compliment her dress.

You felt humiliated. No one here actually knew you two, but it was embarrassing that you couldn't even keep your lover's attention on you. Your cheeks burned, your throat along with them, and your eyes brimmed with tears. It was made worse when you glanced around at all the other couples, and found them happily clinging to each other and acting like they were the only two people in the world.

"What do you think, mon cherié?" Sanji's voice suddenly filled your ears. "Do you like it?"

You hastily wiped your eyes, trying to look like you did before, "Um, like what? Sorry, I wasn't listening..."

He didn't seem to notice the sadness in your tone or the forlorn expression on your face, he just barrelled on, "This pretty young woman's dress, what do you think of it?"

"A-are you serious?" You choked out, feeling the burning in your throat get worse.

"Yes! Doesn't it look nice?"

You couldn't take it anymore. You were hyperventilating at this point. Scared of being embarrassed further with your impending sobbing, you turned and sprinted as fast as you could away from the scene. He called after you, but you weren't listening.

He arrived at the ship at the same time you did, leaving you confused. You were about to push past him when he grabbed your waist, stopping you.

"Wait, my love, I'm sorry," he apologised, "Don't cry, please."

You smacked his hand away from your face, "No, don't. If you were really sorry, you'd stop flirting with every woman you see like I told you to! But no, you keep doing it." Your eyes watered again. "Do you have any idea what it's like? Seeing your own lover interested in someone else, not even listening to you?"

Sanji was speechless. He had no idea it affectef you this much, but he blamed himself for going on with it even when you told him not to.

"How would you feel if I flirted with every guy I saw?" You demanded.

"Oh no, please don't," he begged, heart sinking at the thought.

"But it's okay for you to do it?" You looked away, and his heart broke.

"I'm sorry," he apologised again, "I am, really. But I wasn't flirting with her, I promise! I was just asking where she got that dress because it looked so nice and I thought it would look good on you..."

Your eyes widened when you heard this, "Wait, what? Is that why you asked if I liked it?"

"Mhm," he smiled, "I wanted to get it for you if you did."

You were the speechless one now. All that time he had been thinking of you, and you'd gone and assumed the worst. Now you felt even more embarrassed, but for a totally different reason.

"Sanji, I-"

"No need to apologise, love," he immediately hugged you when it seemed like it was okay for him to. "I haven't exactly given you reasons to trust me not to flirt. But I promise, I am doing my best to not do it. I don't want to lose you."

He really was too cute to stay mad at, or even to stay sad about, and you ended up smiling and leaning in to kiss him.

"Fine, but do it again and I'm going to leave you for Zoro."

His face paled, "No no, mon cheriè, you can't be serious! Love, wait! Are you serious??" And he followed you to your room, begging you to tell him you were lying.

USOPP

You were well aware that Usopp had had a romantic interest in a girl long before he met you. He would never tell you about her, but Nami and Luffy told you about her and what they knew about her relationship with Usopp. As far as you could tell, they had never done anything more than kiss once.

You felt like you were getting in the way of their relationship, and most days that thought just put you into an emotionless daze. You felt like you couldn't compare, because she seemed to be his first love. And as bad as this sounds, you started to feel like you were a relationship of convenience to him. Someone to keep him company while he longed for another.

"You know that's not true," Nami would reassure you when you confided in her. "He's not like that. He really loves you."

"I can tell he thinks about her sometimes," you argue, "And we don't know whether or not he imagines her in my place when we kiss or do anything remotely romantic. Who's to say he wouldn't go back to her if we somehow made it back to the East Blue?"

Nami couldn't give you the answer to that, and it hurt all the more. You tried not to let it get to you, you really did, but some days were worse than others. Some days you felt inferior, like you were not as pretty as she was, even though you'd never seen her. If he was so crazy about her to still be thinking about her months after he'd met you, he surely still loved her, right?

"Usopp, I have a question," Nami asked the sharpshooter one day.

"Uhhhh, no I did not borrow any money from you..." He replied nervously, eyes darting around the room.

The navigator's eyes narrowed, "We'll get to that later. Anyway, if we went back to the East Blue, what would you do? Would you want to rekindle your relationship with Kaya?"

Usopp's face paled, "What kind of question is that?!"

"Just answer!"

"I...I don't know!" He cried, then attempted to flee only to see you standing in the doorway, your eyes glistening. "(Name)-"

"I get it," you swallowed thickly, "She was your first love. I just wish you'd stop pretending like this relationship means anything to you." You turned and retreated to your room, locking the door and falling down against it, tears flowing freely.

You knew it was unfair. You knew he'd known her his whole life and you just a year. But you kind of hoped that since you'd actually developed what you thought was a meaningful, deep romantic relationship with him, he wouldn't have to think about it. You kind of hoped he would just choose you, simple as that. And you know it was unfair to him, and selfish of you. But you couldn't help it.

"(Name)!" The sharpshooter knocked on your door. "Please let me in!" He sounded panicked, like he did before you all went into a fight.

"Go away, Usopp," you yelled, but the pain in your voice was too clear for him to ignore.

Normally he would give up. He does that very easily. But when it comes to you he doesn't stop, and he never will. He hates leaving you on your own, especially when you're upset and even more so when he's the reason you're upset.

"Please, baby," he pleaded, "Let me explain! I never said I would! Please, just open up. Let's talk about this!"

"You can say what you want through the door," you told him, "Otherwise we don't talk at all." And yes, again this was unfair to him, but again you couldn't help it.

"I know what you must be thinking," he immediately started, "And you're wrong. Yes I used to love Kaya, and yes we almost had a relationship, but that was clearly not meant to be. Because I met you, and I fell in love with you, and I can't imagine loving anyone else now that I know what it feels like to love you." He paused for a moment, thinking of what else to say, and then, "You're the love of my life now, and I know that it will stay that way even if we were to somehow end up back in the East Blue. You are my girlfriend now, and I only ever want or think about you. Please believe me, it'll only ever be you."

Hearing all of this slowly calmed you down, and you didn't even notice when the tears stopped. His sincere, loving words hit you right where you needed them the most, and you stood up to open the door.

"You mean all that?"

"Yes," he looked like he was on the verge of tears himself. "Please don't break up with me."

"Oh, Usopp," you laughed and wiped your eyes, "I could never do that. Especially not after such sweet words. You're stuck with me."

"And hopefully always will be," he added, immediately hugging you and almost crushing your bones. "I'm so sorry (Name), I'm sorry I made you cry!" And then he actually started crying.

"Usopp..."

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gingerhastoomanyobsessions · 10 months ago

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the lords in black are so interesting to me because. they’re so us. we’re watching the citizens of hatchetfield suffer for our own entertainment just as much as they are. we’re their accomplices in all of it

pokotho made hatchetfield into a musical because musicals are entertaining. and we ate that shit up! it’s soooo fun watching a little man scramble as the world around him bursts into song. the musical genre is satirized because pokey knows how the genre conventions work just as well as we do. we like watching musicals so much that black friday and npmd are musicals, too, even though they don’t revolve around pokotho’s plans as much as tgwdlm. we want them to sing. pokotho does too.

bliklotep is the audience and the audience is bliklotep. trail to oregon calls the audience “the watcher with one thousand eyes” and that’s not all, in watcher world blinky seems to be able to see through the eyes of anyone and everyone who loves spectacle. he wants to see the characters go through angst because WE love angst. it’s fun to watch alice and bill express their buried frustrations. blinky wants it to end in bloodshed because he loves tragedy, and let’s face it, so do we. it’s like that one post about how hamlet is aware of the audience and is angry that we don’t do anything to intervene because we want to see how it plays out. personally, I think blinky could have stopped the woodwards if he really wanted (he’s an elder god, after all) but alice shooting him shifted the narrative so that the emotional payoff would be more fulfilling if they escaped. and blinky loves a good story.

t’noy karaxis has blorbos. we joke about it, but that’s really what it is, isn’t it? he’s the fan who watches the movie again and again and again and again to see his favorite character’s dramatic death scene. he’s the guy who writes and reads angst fics by the hundreds because he likes to see his faves cry. he’s the hatchetfield enjoyer who’s on the edge of their seat waiting to see how ted kicks the bucket this time. the bastard’s box is pretty much just an ao3 account filled with whump and hurt no comfort. he’s sadistic AND he genuinely adores ted, because we fans are often cruelest to the characters we love the most. he puts ted through character growth— the realization that his life went the way it did because of his own mistakes, his inability to be vulnerable with jenny before it was too late— and he does that by writing a 56-chapter angst fic that’s still updating to this day

nibblenephim is the fan who voraciously devours every scrap of content that a creator produces and demands more, more, more. let’s face it, the fandom will never let starkid rest until we see this story through to its end. and then someone will demand a sequel series. nibbly is hungry because we will never stop yearning for more stories. he’s simple because that desire itself is simple— as humans, we need creativity like we need air to breathe. nibbly wants more because we want more. and we will never be satiated.

wiggog y’rath is the ruler and the king because he’s the self-inserting writer. I think jon matteson plays paul *and* wiggly for a reason— wiggly is the only lord in black to be played by the same actor in every single show, and that actor also plays the protagonist of tgwdlm. wiggly wants to be the protagonist. he tries to force himself into the human world of hatchetfield because he wants to participate, dammit! he wants to be the bestest ruler that the earth has ever seen! everyone has to love him because he’s going to be their bestest fwiend! when he appears in human form he’s gonna be the prom king! he’s the ebony dark’ness dementia raven way of the hatchetfield multiverse. he wants every human character to bend to his whims and to love him and to put him at the tippy-top of planet earth because he’s the writer and the writer’s main character, you fuckheads, and he can make whatever story he wants, whether the other characters like it or not! if you’ve ever written a self-insert story? congratulations! you’ve been wiggog y’rath.

and the funny thing? I don’t think the lords know that they, too, are as fictional as anyone else in hatchetfield. maybe blinky knows— he sees through the audience’s eyes, after all— but I don’t think the others do. if they did, maybe they’d be a little less tyrannical. a little bit nicer.

but then the starkid writers wouldn’t have much of a story to tell, would they?

#the lords in black #starkid #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #npmd #join me in the metafiction analysis hole.#the real villains of hatchetfield are the starkid writers themselves and those of us who want to see the shows!#the only reason the lords in black fuck up the world is because WE want to see that story!!!!!#note: the ‘you fuckheads’ bit was meant to be in wiggly’s voice/pov. I do not think the good people of starkid fandom are fuckheads.

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sophsicle · 6 months ago

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it's so weird reading king/pirate fanfiction as a history student because i keep wondering if the most autocratic of dictators and the biggest, cruelest idiots who have ever ruled monarchies had secret side flings whose love "transcended space and time.” like LOL imagine if tsar nicholas ii had a gay side boo. i wonder if his relationship would more closely resemble jegulus or wolfstar or rosekiller. hard to imagine but i cant help it. nicholas x rasputin my otp!! LMAO this is the type of stuff your writing inspires in me.

k but they literally did tho

like Elizabeth I and Robert Dudley? grew up outlaws, basically loved each other until the day they died but just couldn't be together because of timing and politics (she also fucks around with a pirate for a bit, i love her so much)

King James I / V and his lover the Duke of Buckingham who becomes a second father to James's son Charles, is there for him after his father dies and then is murdered by his political opponents???

Frederick II whose father forces him to watch as his male lover Hans Hermann von Katte is BEHEADED (jesus christ)

Alexander the Great and Hephaestion, childhood friends, who make offerings at the alters of Patroclus and Achilles, and then Hephaestion goes and dies and Alexander is destroyed and follows not too long afterwards basically from a broken heart

William of Orange was definitely also fucking around with his bffs from Holland, I'm pretty sure he builds like an addition to Hampton court for one of them but I'm too lazy to fact check that

ANYWAY i always think if you want to be a writer you should study history, cause there are so many stories right there

#soph rambles

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artisticwizard · 2 months ago

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Morgott for the ask meme

Favorite thing about them

I'm gonna try and keep rehashing of what has already been said about him to a minimum so I'll get it out of the way here. I love that he's big and soft and I love that he's a mean as shit crotchety old bastard with both a self-hating attitude and an ego. I did not get into elden ring intending to like him. He was a surprise blorbo for me. I love how Morgott is a proud creature and a scorned one all in the same time. To be honest, look around at any of the posts I've reblogged from people for this ask and I probably agree with 90% of their points. I think my favorite thing is the art people make around him. Every time someone draws him being soft and tender....He's so large next to their small tarnished and yet he holds them like glass....I'm gonna DIE

Least favorite thing about them

Hard to draw :( Also hard to roleplay :( Also I wish he was utilized more. hunting us in game alongside the nights cavalry. Wish his fight was a bit tougher too.

Favorite line

"Have it writ upon thy meagre grave:

"'Felled by King Morgott! Last of all kings." ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT LINE IS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING EVER. In one sentence he disparages you as insignificant and elevates him as king. Not just King THE LAST. This lineage will die with him, this he states. And I think he's actually giving you credit here. This lineage will die with him, whether you are the one to kill him or you fail.

brOTP

I gotta go with his actual bro. I like the dichotomy between him and Mohg so much it makes me ill. I love how Mohg went full self love and Morgott went the other direction. This is one of the instances where I think fandom rather than canon has elevated their relationship so much for me. Especially fic writers. Elden ring fic writers write these two so goddamn well.

OTP

Morgott and the Tarnished. Everyone's Tarnished. People write and draw and create so many wonderful things around this old man. I also have a soft spot from him and Oleg. My Tarnished Wulfwyn and him is my brainrot OC x Canon ship that I think about CONSTANTLY.

nOTP

Him and Mohg. Even in a setting like this where incest is more normalized, it's just never gonna be my thing. No hate.

Random headcanon

You also get a Mohg headcanon built in. I've always loved the idea that Omen can take on traits of different animals, not just the horns. In my head Morgott took on more mammalian traits like ram-like horns, a long tail, and fur. Though I will not deny him his tiny baby wings. Mohg on the other hand took in more reptilian and avian traits like pebbled skin or scales and feathers and wings.

Unpopular opinion

Some people have this kind of....kicked puppy attitude about him that I don't agree with. He's soooo shitty and bitter as a character and he enjoys hunting Tarnished like he does. I'm not saying he's the cruelest demigod in the story, because he isn't by far, but I wish people didn't ignore his mean streak as much because it's soooo interesting.

Favorite picture of them Oh Dude So Many. This one by bora-in-tamriel makes me laugh whenever I see it, though.

#morgott #elden ring #i absolutely did not get all of my thoughts out here #but as i have said in the past #i suck at writing meta thoughts like this #there are people out there much better at this #BUT I LOVE HIM

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m3r1m4r5u333 · 7 months ago

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I'm an unhinged buddie truther so I'm already calling it... Probably the Cruelest/Funniest bit of meta ever written is episode 3x3 after the tsunami.

.... Buck is at home, alone.

Buck's voice: Sometimes being lost is not knowing how to get from where we are, to where we want to be. Where we need to be."

Ed Sheeran's photograph plays, and right after the line...

Ed Sheeran:

..."Wait for me to come home"...

...There's a knock on Buck's door. It's Eddie and Chris.

Both Buck and Eddie call Chris...

buddy... and Eddie tells Buck to watch him...

"It's easy, he's not very fast!" 🤪

.......

"... between us... he's never built anything that kinda looks like anything, he just likes sticking things together...!"

"Right there, buddy!" (Waves Chris towards the couch.)

And and did I mention, there's that fucking ✨BICYCLE ✨ on that wall when they enter the house.

Then Eddie gets them all set up:

He's packed a morning snack...

a midday snack...

two coloring books (every shipper needs to color things a bit, right?)

a bunch of legos... (Damn, we are drowning in legos by this point, aren't we.)

....

Basically they're getting us shippers all set up.

Then there's 20 bucks for the pizza... (Oh dear, hopefully not Buck 20.0)

Like in that scene where the team is waiting, finally betting for the outcome,

ordering pizza while they wait...

even chanting for that guy, who cornered himself on a low roof, to jump, while he just takes forever dithering, and wails...

"When is it my turn to fly!"

And is then pushed off the roof because the home owner (writer) just couldn't take it anymore.

"As you know, madness is like gravity...

All in all. I'm thinking.... we're not the only clowns in this circus. This is them wanting to do a slowburn and...

#i make no gifs brain is potato #911 buddie #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #buddie 911 #911 on abc #evan buck buckley #911 abc #tv: 911 #eddie díaz #just me being unhinged #weewoo brainrot

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wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart · 1 month ago

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Hey, what do you think about the mental health of Obi-Wan, Anakin and the others? Are they okay? Are they struggling with something? What's your opinion about it? Only if you feel okay to talk about this of course!

Dear Ano

Thank you for the question, although I am not sure that I am qualified to give a suitable answer. However, I would like to try anyway.

I have read countless fic that deal/work with their mental state to a greater or lesser degree, and I have to say that the general trend is that, no, they are not okay, far from it. Canon is very cruel and unfair to our favorite characters, unless you are a certain Sith master. The tragedy of SW is that there rarely, if ever, is a real happy ending for anyone, despite it being a space fairytale.

So to return to their mental health and start with the obvious character, Anakin.

Anakin grew up as a slave, always subservient to others and with no hope of ever becoming the master of his own destiny, yet that is exactly what he dreams of, freedom and power.

A friend and fellow fic writer recently described his basic character in a few words in one of her fics.

"With an upbringing that left him no control over the injustice he'd often witness, Anakin aspired to be the hero. He aspired to be the savior. He wanted to save others from hardship, because he understood firsthand what it was like to face them." @barmadumet in chapter 14 of A Strange Kind of Love

And then he is given the opportunity to gain power but with the price of once again being subject to the authority of others.

Anakin is a complex character we can take in many different directions from this point of the story. His character is affected (as is true in RL) by what he is exposed to, the choices he and others make and the development of the story. We know what happens to Anakin, and it's tragic to see how his otherwise promising opportunity to become the hero instead ends with him falling and condemning himself to a painful existence in slavery under one of the cruelest characters created.

Anakin is not okay and is always struggling with something. This is what makes him a great character, there is always plenty to work with whenever we enter his story to save/fix or to harm/destroy.

This brings us to Obi-Wan. Dear Obi-Wan, who loves strongly and more deeply than anyone else, but isn't willing to show it (even though he often does) and is bound by duty. He's not okay, but he does his best and refuses to give up. The stubborn man keeps going no matter what, not even death and worse can stop him. He's not okay, mostly because his fate is tied to the Skywalkers. I love his character, I want to save him, and that often means saving everyone else too, because he would never be so selfish to save only himself… sacrificing himself, now that is an entirely different story.

(This is also what makes it so fascinating to write him as a Sith, to twist his character out of shape, creating some truly evil from genuine good)

All the others, the many wonderful characters who all have their own destinies intertwined with these two, well they are not okay, they all have their own faults, flaws, good traits and challenges. I love them all and saving them (or making everything worse) is a time consuming but rewarding and entertaining occupation.

I have no idea if this was the answer you were looking for dear Ano, but hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for asking.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #star wars fan fic #writing #fanfic #ask and answer #mental health #they are not okay #ano asked and I tried to answer

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hauntedwitch04 · 2 years ago

Text

The loneliest

Bassist!Remus Lupin x Writer!Reader

Words: about 1.4k words

Warnings: none, just sad

Author's note: hi loves! here for you another bassit!remus lupin, this time a sad one. I had this idea bit ago, and I wrote it down in the drafts and today I said "why not?". As already said, I'm a superfan of Maneskin so here I am with another one of their song!

My first idea

Hope you like it!

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

Love is the cruelest curse that has ever been inflicted on humanity.

This is all I managed to write on my computer, while wrapped in about 20 blankets on my friend's couch. It has been months since I had to start writing my new novel, and of course I had to start now, after breaking up with my boyfriend, or rather with the love of my life.

I haven't been able to stop crying for days, the tears seem to have become part of my face as I stare at that blank screen.

Susy told me to let it go and think about recovering instead of thinking about the book, but this is the only thing that can distract me from the pain.

We have never quarreled like this in all the years we have been together. Every fight between us, no matter how small it was, but this time it really destroyed me.

It had all started with the fact that he hadn't spent the night at home for weeks now, every night out with his friends for events or for fun, and I couldn't help but be happy for him, but I felt in all this a bit neglected. When he was home he was always busy in his study or on the phone, and he never had a second to talk to me. In the evening we would have dinner in silence, and when he finished eating he would go immediately to another room, in case he was home and had not already gone out. After a long time I couldn't stand this anymore so I made up my mind to talk to him, but at that time he was at the studios of the record company. Once I got there I went to wait for him in his studio after greeting the other members of the Maraurders band: James, the drummer; Sirius, the singer; Regulus, the guitarist.

I waited a few minutes in the room, looking at that space so large and so charged with the 'essence of Remus at the same time, until my gaze fell on the small sofa in front of the window, or rather what was on the small sofa. I moved closer and realized that the colorful object that had attracted my attention from afar was a pair of red lace panties.

I remember how the air went out of me and tears came to my eyes, and before I could realize it I slumped to the floor. I don't remember the door opening, but I remember Remus's gaze, his eyes wide with astonishment and his running toward me. He was talking but I couldn't hear him; it was as if I were underwater and my ears were plugged.

Then I remember my screams, everything I had held in until that moment, and like a wave I had let my anger crash against him. Remus was trying to explain, to speak, but I was not giving him time, and before I could understand what my mouth was saying I had told him I did not want to see him again. I regained my senses from that empty feeling once in the car, where I screamed so loud that my throat hurt. After that I went home, got some of my things, and went to Susy's, looking for a safe haven. For days my fiancé had tried to contact me, or my manager or my friends, but never had anyone responded to him.

Love is a double-edged sword because you can get hurt when you love too much and when you love too little. The love I have for Remus is an eternal love, which no matter how bad it has made me feel will not cease to exist, because every cell in my body loves and desires him and for that I hate myself.

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone, and I realize that my manager has sent me an e-mail. I open it and read it.

"This footage is from yesterday. Look at it. I love you. Mary"

That's all it says with a link attached. Immediately I open it and realize that it is a video of the last Marauders concert, and I am immediately ready to close it, when my eye falls on Remus. I've never seen him look so bad. He has dark circles under his eyes and a pale face. His eyes are dull as he looks out at the crowd and plays bass. When the song is over, Sirius asks the crowd for silence.

"Please be quiet. For the first time in my life, I find myself getting serious. Usually I'm the one messing around with girls, or boys, but apparently this time Remus has broken my record. The poor guy is devastated, and I can't help but feel guilty, because it's my fault. Y/N, if you ever see this video, I'm sorry for what happened, for all the misunderstanding, and please listen to poor Moony, we can't stand to see him so miserable anymore." He says walking across the stage, and looking at the camera, as I see Remus move to the center of the stage in front of the microphone.

"For example, you could start listening to him from this song that his poor broken heart wrote entirely for you." Sirius continues before remaining silent and giving his friend space.

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

There's a few lines that I have written.

In case of death, that's what I want, that's what I want

So don't be sad when I'll be gone

There's just one thing I hope you know, I loved you so

'Cause I don't even care about the time I've got left here

The only thing I know now is that I wanna spend it

With you, with you nobody else here

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

I'm sorry but I gotta go

If you'll ever miss me give this song another go

And I just keep on thinking how you made me feel better

And all the crazy little things that we did together

In the end, in the end, it doesn't matter

If tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

Remus' low, deep voice enchants me, and I feel tears flowing overbearingly down my cheeks. I listen to every second of that song, eagerly, holding each word close to my heart, imprinting them on my soul.

Without thinking about it I put everything to the side and run to the door with the intention of going to him and apologizing, but I am met with a scene I never expected. Remus is sitting with his head between his legs in front of the door, a bouquet of flowers abandoned at his side. Upon hearing the door open he turns and looks at me. He opens his mouth but makes no sound. His face is marked with tears as much as mine and I cannot resist. I throw myself into his arms, holding him tightly as I never have. He returns that gesture and strokes my hair. I begin to cry again as I ask him a thousand times to apologize, and he replies that he is the one who needs to apologize. We don't do anything else, we just stand there embracing, finding ourselves, and I realize that yes love is the greatest curse ever cast on human beings, but also the greatest blessing, because without suffering we would never experience such a strong and beautiful feeling.

#remus x reader #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin au #remus lupin fluff #bassist!remus #bassist!remus lupin #remus lupin x fem!reader #band!marauders

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devondespresso · 6 months ago

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Writers 20 questions tag game!!

tagged by the beloved @eriquin 💕💗💖 i haven't been able to participate in a lot of tag games lately (as evident by this being at least a week late ahnsgdsynkd)(edit: its been way more than a week) but i still really really appreciate the tags!!

divider by @/saradika-graphics

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7 !! I think i still need to put one up there but i haven't yet cause i wanna edit the ending a tad

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

10,746

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Thingssssss, and i think its fair to say the Steve Harrington fandom specifically gdnzngxngxgn

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sweet and Spicy (the one steddie drabble tdnydyndny), My Sunshine, I Can Only Hope Now, Never Again, and Mr. Crayola Henderson

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes absolutely!! its usually a lot of heart emojis and keyboard smashes mixed in with my actual response zgnzgbzgnzng

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhh itd probably have to be Never Again still, i usually like to lean positive with my endings, that whole love-being-alive thing, so whenever i don't its usually because the focus is a different strong emotion that'd conflict with blatant positivity.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oo okay also hard to decide for the same reason, I'd say the ending that feels happiest is probably from either I Can Only Hope Now (the Claudia prompt) or Now That We're Alive because both go from sad to happy and hopeful for the future. My Sunshine ends on a good note but its less "aw yippee!" and more "AAAAAAAAAAAA". I like my drabbles (under 400 words) to end pretty fluffy so far, and stuff like Mr. Crayola Henderson stays a pretty consistent light and fun so I don't think the happy end hits as hard.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god, not yet anyway

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nopeeee tho Never Again has an E and M version it's not exactly fun enough to be smut i don't think

10. Do you write crossovers?

also nope

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that im aware?? I'd be pretty pissed if it was but also like. is it doing well? is it popular? 👀

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that im aware but i give full permission if anyone wants to

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, most ive done is bounce ideas or beta, but I'd be down to try it!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i don't know if i have one?? just in general for stranger things i enjoy steve ships a lot. big fan of Vi and Caitlyn from Arcane but im not really in fandom for that show cause what would i change?? im very much a gen fic enjoyer and if i had to list all my fav platonic dynamics... we'd be here a while xgnzngzgn

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

oh irony my cruelest adversary. a few months ago i was happy and ignorant in my haven of only one active wip. Now there's a small handful, and unless i get possesed with the same emotions i was venting in it, i fear the short Robin-centric letter style thing won't be finished soon. its decent so far but there would be a good bit of editing trying to actually articulate the feeling in a realistic way plus fitting it to Robin's first-person writing style. I don't intend to drop it but lately it just calls to me the least, but that could change

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think its a strange mix of intuition and a technical understanding of writing that works really well for the way i think. Its very broad and basically has no rules, just a understanding of how my favorite stories work, how most writing rules are really trends that tend to work better and then you can dig deeper behind a lot of them to see the *why* behind it. that plus trusting the nagging feeling that something's off makes editing my most productive stage, i can vibe check the area and then start digging dgnxnhxngxng

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

god this changes every time i revisit this draft xumxhmxmxhm this time its probably character introspection. i love writing like a movie and having character action or dialogue or setting or symbols communicate things, but putting down what the characters thinking with similar tact is soooo harddddddd and especially in angst or emotion moments, i want my readers caught in the same thought process as the pov character, i want it to feel so real that even if they never experienced the situation the characters in and even if they know logically the characters wrong, they understand. and that unfortunately involves bypassing their stance as an outside perspective on the matter, which is uhhhhh very very hard xhmznhxhnxhm

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the intent, i think it works best when the author speaks the language themselves, and especially with stuff like asl it helps clarify the grammatic differences. I think if its a language the pov character isn't supposed to understand then "said something in x language" works better for universal immersion.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stranger things babeyyyyyy, i actually started writing the Steve Henderson au first, tho the first drafts of chapters are very different from current ones

20. Favorite fic you've written?

MY SUNSHINE!!!!!!! i am so open about my favouritism with that one, its the most contemplative and atmospheric and emotional and its short enough that i was spending time on every word, every line to make sure it felt right and contributed to the picture i wanted. they say its more achievable (compared to long fiction) to make a perfect short story and that's what My Sunshine feels like to me, the perfect little taste of themes I'm enjoying most in writing rn, specifically with the Steve Henderson au (my second favourite fic xgnxngxgn)

i forget how many ppl im supposed to tag so im gonna do 20, no pressure ofc!! @marvel-ous-m @acasualcrossfade @pearynice @imfinereallyy @tinytalkingtina

@klausinamarink @puppy-steve @queenie-ofthe-void @eyesofshinigami @stellarspecter

@dreamwatch @lightoftheseraph @withacapitalp @findafight @hbyrde36

@vegasol @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @lingeringmirth @momotonescreaming @sourw0lfs

#personal tag game #tag game

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lil-oreo-crumbles · 9 months ago

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Hey, got any thoughts about Seth?

Oh, do I ever!!

Seth is an incredibly fascinating, dominant, and looming presence in the Magic Book of Spells with the potential to be one of the most intriguing characters in the entirely of SVTFOE… that was tragically underutilized, slapped in the face, and is who I believe to be the source of the biggest missed potential in the entirety of canon.

But I do not trust the writers at all to have handled him in the show proper.

The Septarians are notoriously treated like absolute dirt. Any and all of the Septarians we meet have either been humiliated, turned into a joke, villainized beyond any humanity, and overall treated awfully. They’re portrayed as this unfeeling, violent, monster species with no (biological? cultural?) ability to forgive or forget the countless atrocities the Mewmans committed against innocent people. GEEZ, It’s not like the Septarians have enhanced longevity and experience time differently than almost EVERY OTHER SPECIES ON MEWNI with most of them FIRST HAND experiencing the atrocities other species of monsters and ESPECIALLY Mewmans see as “bygone eras of the past!!”

And even with the book alone, Seth is also lumped into this stereotype, and may be one of the worst offenders. Globgor can’t stand him and has intense bias against him (I know he talked about “Septarians” but my god we all know he means Seth to some degree. Seth is very clearly a prominent figure if not the leader of the Septarians and he’s pictured/alluded to twice in Eclipsa’s chapter), bitch Crescenta smeared his name into the DIRT in a rigged election campaign and destroyed his reputation, and Comet refused to take him seriously whatsoever (but then again it’s Comet so what are we really expecting??). He was even on the Magic High Commission’s radar, labeled as an “extremist” (which just about anything is labeled “extreme” in the MHC’s eyes so they’re not reliable narrators). He’s spat upon and repeatedly villainized. He gets no breaks or even a glimpse of humanity and everyone in the fandom after the book came out was hyping him up as this huge villain.

So, yeah, I don’t think the show would have bothered to give him any humanity or depth if he was introduced in the show proper and would have made egregiously worse the show’s already bad problem of making monsters, the historically marginalized and colonized group of people, the bad guys. (Seriously, Meteora wasn’t a “real” threat until she was revealed to be half monster. That makes me frustrated.)

I love Seth. I think he would’ve had amazing potential if put in the right hands. There’s so much to do with him and I’m mostly glad he’s been left alone so fans can interpret him in any way they want.

Now… what are my opinions and headcanons about him? What’s the story I’ve concocted?

Thankfully Seth is a character I can talk about without worrying about AU spoilers… mostly (thank god).

In my mind, Seth is someone who actually didn’t see the Great Monster Massacre first hand, hatching about 200 years afterwards (due to my timeline and how I’ve designed Septarian aging). But that doesn’t mean whatsoever that he hasn’t seen the atrocities of Mewmans. In fact, he’s been put in several situations where— while not Moe levels of genocide— he has seen the cruelest and most inhumane levels of Mewman aggression against monsters. He’s a victim of it first hand and spent 80+ years through torture after being ripped away from his homeland before finally uprising against it with his sister (oh yeah he has a sister in my AU)

He is someone who wholeheartedly earned the respect and adoration of his people. He was a leader that they wanted, not because of blood or any ties to the throne he had. (He’s by blood the Prince of Septarsis, but by the time he came back to Septarsis not many people remembered him since he had changed so much). He completely changed the governmental system and put Septarsis into its golden age.

Now this is what may get me in trouble, but stick with me… I don’t think the reputation he’s acquired is completely unfounded. YES the Mewmans and MHC are incredibly biased and we can’t take what they say at face value, but some stereotypes have some truth to them. It’s way overexaggerated, but Seth is someone who I see as extremely trigger happy in his youth.

While a great leader and delegate, he can be incredibly rash and actively seeks violence against Mewmankind. Never Solaria or Moe levels of genocide… but if Mewmans happened to disappear one day he’d be over the moon. This makes him a fun foil for Toffee’s mother in my AU, Mylanie, who’s someone who strives to end the conflict and seek lasting peace.

In the early days he was active in battle and loved fighting against his adversaries. In fact, I find the idea of Seth being the one to kill Solaria— specifically beheading her with his own hands— fascinating and I LOVE IT. He’s not afraid to get messy when protecting monsters or his homeland, and the stories about his violence is NOT unfounded. If anyone is perpetuating ideas about Septarian stereotypes, it’s our buddy Seth.

But here’s the important distinction, he is not going out of his way hurting innocent people. He’s not this bloodthirsty monster who’s trying to commit genocide, he’s not Solaria, he’s just someone who sees violence as the answer and thinks peace is a waste of time.

It wasn’t until the election that his priorities changed and he actually calmed down.

The smear campaign was a huge blow. It really got him to think and consider how his actions were affecting monsters as a whole but especially his own people. He knows how much influence he has over how his people are perceived… and that’s when he pulled back. He was still active, don’t get me wrong, and got along diplomatically with the few surviving monster civilizations, but he took a lot less of a role than he used to. He started thinking critically and cleverly instead of resorting to violence first and foremost. Peace with Mewmans was still firmly off the table though and is still that way to this day.

When Comet sent the invitation, he genuinely planned to ignore it. He had no intention of going to the banquet— as last time he played along with Mewman rules he got screwed— but did allow Toffee to be a representative after Toffee offered to go in his place.

Under one condition: No harm was to come to the Queen

And we see how that went…

I’d gladly go into his relationship/dynamic with Toffee but this post is long enough :). Maybe in another post!!

His “death” was a stunt to fully get him out of any Mewman drama, and he was especially glad he perpetuated that lie because of how pissed he was at Toffee after Comet’s death. He’s alive and well and still in charge of Septarsis, he’s just out of the public eye because everyone thinks he’s dead (except close allies).

Overall I see him as someone who was essentially what his reputation said he was until he got a huge ego blow and actually matured enough to stop being so trigger happy. He was always a great leader over Septarsis and did whatever it took to protect his people, but he had some growing up to do as well.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. My AU goes into him a lot deeper and really fleshes him out. He’s a four dimensional character with layers and depth to him. While he seems like a Mewman hating “radical” on the surface, he’s humanized and he has layers and reasonings for his beliefs and actions.

I just love Seth. A lot. He’s so silly. He’s so fascinating and I love that everyone has a different perspective of him.

Also he is Rasticore’s dad you can’t change my mind !!

Dude I could literally make a whole other post on him I love this character so much—

Anyways here’s Seth and his little sister Zarina I love them to bits <3

#svtfoe #star vs the forces of evil #seth of septarsis #septarsis #ask #seth kardona of septarsis #septarsis dragonfly au #yes I’m tagging my AU because it has AU plot points #Seth is very fun to write #he absolutely hates Mewmans 100%#He wouldn’t mind if Mewmans were all dead but he isn’t out causing genocide yk #Seth sees Mewmans as the problem #not magic #unlike Toffee #Anyways I can save this for another post I need to wrap this up

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discet · 2 years ago

Note

I think the core was a good villain in concept, but felt underdeveloped. And yeah, I believe the main reason for Darcy’s existence is because the writers wanted Marcy out of the plot, and chose the cruelest way possible to do so(because fuck Marcy I guess)

Yeah no, the Core had a whole mess of potential! It was this creepy alien force lurking in the shadows behind the throne! It had the loyalty of a really compelling antagonist in Andrias! It's design for both its giant robot body and Darcy was really cool!

The fandom content ever since season 2 and especially after the season 3a hiatus was top notch. A lot of it would have to be toned down to be used in canon, but they all explored really interesting themes and how they could impact Anne Marcy and Sasha.

And its all just sort of left on the table. [Salt below read at your own risk. ]

And it turns out that the compiled intelligence of the most brilliant minds of a dimension spanning empire has the motivations of just like, an everyday jackass. It wants an army so it can do conquests, cause I guess war is fun? No seeming end goal other than violence?

It’s not for the Glory of Amphibia cause its leaving that whole planet to rot. It’s not to live in luxury cause it guts the palace of all its art and finery in favor of extremely utilitarian tech.

And war for the sake of war would make sense if it was just this totally alien unfeeling hivemind. But apparently it misses the taste of bakegoods enough that it made itself extremely vulnerable by hooking itself into a teenage girl.

Like, a pure evil villain isn’t by default a bad thing, but from a series that brought us such interesting, nuanced, and compelling antagonists like Andrias and Sasha, the core feels like an afterthought. A thing to pun as much of the blame on as possible and defeat. Its existance was not even known to the protagonists until literally just before the finale.

And it wasn’t even like a ‘Ah yes! It was me all along!’ It literally just let Andrias handle everything for a thousand years, then immediately shit the bed once it was back in charge.

And yeah, the fact that it benches Marcy and just ends her entire character arc is extremely frustrating. Again, lots of cool struggling from the inside plotlines you can do if the possession and they are just not explored. Marcy gets super traumatized twice once through a literal stab in the back and then by what looks like a horrifying possession and then does nothing for the season. Gets to do some cool anime stuff in the final fight but ultimately is not allowed to get any kind of victory over Andrias, her possession, or the core itself.

And at the end she is just normal. All of that horror and betrayal and Marcy just takes it in stride cause its the end of the show and we don’t got time for her to feel anything other than okay about everything. Anne got two episodes about her coming to terms with Hop Pop’s betrayal with the box, and several more episodes/subplots focused around her wrestling with coming to forgive Sasha. Marcy gets a tense little ‘bye Andrias.’ as she’s leaving and that’s it. Marcy was a device for other characters arcs and the plot first and her own character second. And BOY am I salty about it.

Salty to the tune of about 350k words of fic.

#salt #i'm thirsty now #alright done with this topic for a bit #Amphibia

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kpopimagi · 1 year ago

Text

A Flower Under The Rain [Part 8-2]

Characters: Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Kang Gyuri (OC) Genre: Angst, Romance Au: Hanahaki!Au Type: Series Word count: 6,585 Status: Trigger Warning

It all began with a cough and then, a subtle sting in her chest. Kang Gyuri cried, knowing that in a matter of months, she would be another figure in the death toll of the most dangerous and cruelest outbreak in human history.

I added the trigger warning just in case. It was the first thing I wrote about this chapter and I just love what that interaction means for the characters in the story, but I also understand some might find it disturbing to read. That being said, be aware that this is a heavy chapter

Spinning.

Spinning out of control.

She was spinning, and tumbling around, slipping out of a horrible desert and back into semi-consciousness. She couldn't stop the tumbling and the throbbing for dear life until she opened her eyes and felt her mouth full of sand. But Gyuri wasn't in a desert, and her tongue wasn't covered in sand. She was just lying in bed in a blindingly white room, with a pounding headache, a disgusting thirst, and what she guessed, for the first time in her life, a nasty hangover. She tried to blink off the tumbling sensation but gave up when she sat up and felt her queasy stomach.

Gyuri noticed that she was wearing different clothes than the ones she had the day before and panicked. She couldn't remember changing and looked around for answers when she noticed the curled-up body tucked in blankets next to her. She felt all the warmth in her leaving her body in absolute terror of what she couldn't remember. Tugging the blanket, she discovered a mop of tangled hair and then Anna's impassive face under the hairy mess, snoring ever so softly. Gyuri deflated back on the bed in absolute relief but instantly regretted it when her world spun around her.

"Drink all that water and get some food, for goodness sake," Anna mumbled with a groan without moving an inch from her position.

Gyuri felt too unsettled to feel mortified and without arguing, she dragged herself out of bed to find at least half a dozen water bottles on the nightstand beside the bed. Some more were empty and scattered on the floor, and wondered how she managed to drink all that water. She had no recollection of doing it whatsoever.

Grabbing a couple of bottles, Gyuri left the room, squinting at the bright morning light seeping through the windows, and went to the kitchen. She wasn't thinking. She was too hungover to think about anything but felt her stomach drop when she found Kyungsoo washing dishes and food sizzling on the stove.

He must have felt her presence in the room because he looked over his shoulder and muttered a quick greeting before resuming his dishwashing. Grateful that Kyungsoo wasn't observing her, Gyuri walked over to the kitchen island and settled on one of the stools. She was opening one of the water bottles when she noticed that the writer finished the dishes and was now observing her quite intently.

“Why do I still remember stuff?” Gyuri asked before gulping half the water down in one go.

“You didn’t drink nearly enough to blackout,” Kyungsoo explained, and he busied himself back on the stove.

"I don’t know which one is worse.” She added, feeling her head pounding. “Did I say anything embarrassing?”

“You told me your biggest secret.” He said, placing a bowl of soup in front of her.

It took Gyuri a couple of seconds and quite some thinking to recall what secret he was referring to but when it finally clicked on her, she froze in her seat and felt her mind suddenly becoming clear. Her eyes opened wide, scared of what it could mean because she remembered many things, but clearly not as much as she wanted.

“Did we…sleep together?” She mumbled.

“No.”

A wave of relief came over Gyuri, and she swore to never get drunk again. However, that didn't erase the mortifying notion that she blurted out such things in his presence, and struggling to meet his gaze she dug into the soup. She welcomed the feeling of her stomach calming down, but Kyungsoo stayed still in front of her, fiddling with his fingernails as if deep in thought.

“I didn’t write it down," he said after a while, "but I made sure it happened before it was too late.”

“I guess I’m not that weird after all,” Gyuri replied after stuffing her mouth with food.

Kyungsoo shook his head, making a funny face, and was about to say something when Anna came into the kitchen and embraced Gyuri in a big tight hug. Surprised and taken aback by such a display of affection, Gyuri stayed still, looking at Kyungsoo for any explanation or cue of what to do next, but he simply observed the scene with a smile on his face.

"You look rough," Anna said, tightening her arms around her, "which means it was a good drinking night."

Everything happened so quickly that it was hard for Gyuri to follow, but the moment Kyungsoo placed a bowl of soup next to her, Anna let her go, and for a split second, she could swear they exchanged a meaningful stare. They didn't say anything, but the grave looks in both of them made her wonder if something happened. Their silent exchange ended when Minseok joined them with his hair all in disarray and still wearing his pajamas. Anna sat down and dug into the bowl with passion while Kyungsoo placed a third bowl for his friend. As soon as they were all set and eating, the writer brought a pan, still sizzling with marinated beef, and placed it in the middle. To her absolute surprise, Kyungsoo had a slice of meat on his chopsticks and was ready to feed her. Gyuri almost choked on whatever she was eating but leaned forward, opening her mouth nonetheless, and felt herself blush. The meat was delightful, but it was the gesture itself that had her smiling. The giddiness didn’t last for long. She couldn’t even bask in the feeling when she watched Kyungsoo doing the same to Minseok.

"What about me?" Anna asked when she opened her mouth, but Kyungsoo only nudged the pan closer to her.

"You have your own hands," Kyungsoo said with a deadpan expression that made Minseok chuckle.

Gyuri practically deflated in her seat. She nagged herself and wanted to slap her face at the ridiculousness of hoping that Kyungsoo would ever do something as intimate as feeding her when they were not even that close. Kyungsoo invested all of his attention into whatever he cooked and was more than happy to share it with the people around him, no matter who they were. She really wasn’t that special and hated herself for thinking she was.

“Is there anything wrong?” Anna asked, noticing her sudden silence.

Shaking her head, Gyuri resumed her breakfast, gulping down not only her food but her feelings as well. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only embarrassing moment she had to endure during breakfast because her hosts invested themselves in getting her up today with all the silly things she said and did the night before.

It wasn't all bad. Gyuri found herself chuckling at the stories of her silly drunken antics. For a moment, she thought about Baekhyun. She wondered what would have happened if he happened to be around. She pictured herself telling him the stories of her first drinking night, and she knew he would pester her for not inviting him. She lost herself in the fantasy of what could be but was brought back to reality by the editor asking her something.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Minseok asked again, and Gyuri simply stared at him as if caught up like a deer in headlights.

"She's probably too hungover to want to go on a hike, honey," Anna said, winking at her.

"She can sweat it out up there." The editor added.

The idea alone made her shudder, and they all quieted down by her reaction. Gyuri wanted to apologize, but the sudden attention and, she wasn't so sure if she was correct about it, the look of endearment on their faces stopped her. They were all looking at her.

"I'm not feeling that well," Gyuri ventured to say.

Minseok was ready to say something about that argument, but Anna was faster and dragged him back to their room as they bickered back and forth about whether to go out hungover or not and left Gyuri and Kyungsoo all by themselves in awkward silence.

"I guess I will have a shower," Gyuri said when Kyungsoo cleared off her empty dishes.

With her stomach full and not as queasy as before, Gyuri excused herself from the kitchen and hid in her room for as long as she could. She took a long shower, hoping for the hot water to wash the hangover away, and then devoted herself to the tediousness of applying cream all over her body. She was done after a while and tried to just hang out around the room, enjoying the toiletries available but was also aware of how awful it would look to her hosts if she stayed locked up in her room.

Checking her reflection in the mirror, Gyuri encouraged herself before going to the living room to find the person she was trying to avoid silently sitting on the couch. She took her time and felt her cheeks suddenly flaring as she recalled the embarrassing things she said. Gyuri had to push those thoughts aside and greet the writer, but he didn't move. She cleared her throat, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear, but once again, he remained unfazed. Walking around the couch, Gyuri realized Kyungsoo had his headphones on and was watching what looked like a movie on his tablet. However, the moment she came into his peripherals, he noticed her presence, and a smile spread across his face.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, removing his headphones.

"Fine."

"How's the hangover?" He kept on as he got up from his spot, but Gyuri was ready to leave the cabin.

Gyuri thought she was feeling good enough to handle the embarrassment of her drunken mishaps, but once she had his attention on her, she could feel her head pounding louder and her face burning hotter. She schemed her escape. She could hide in the garden for a good while. A part of her wanted to believe that he wouldn't mind.

"The shower helped," Gyuri replied, already heading to the door to get out of the place, but his voice stopped her.

Kyungsoo called her and walked around the coffee table toward her. She froze on the spot, not knowing why she felt more out of place at that exact moment than ever. All she could do was blame it on the annoying headache, the disgusting rotten taste that never ceased to come up her throat, and the clamminess and stinky texture of her skin. Maybe she was too hungover to think straight and misinterpreted the caring and almost loving expression on his face. She must have because it wouldn't make any sense for him to be so kind, handing her a bottle of a hangover remedy. She thanked him for it, and feeling as if her entire body might light up on fire, she excused herself and left the cabin.

The bright sunlight hit her face, and Gyuri let out a sigh. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath and filling her lungs with fresh air, made a beeline for the garden. She found the place just as peaceful as she recalled the previous day and settled on the chair under the tree. Instinctively, she pulled her phone out of her pocket to check for new messages. There was none. Cursing under her breath, she stared at the name on the screen, debating whether or not she wanted to call him. The most hurt and selfish part of her heart kept reminding her that he was at fault. Rustling noises made her snap back to the present, and Kyungsoo came into the garden carrying a small portable table.

"You bolted out before I could give you any of this," he said, just as softly as ever, as he set the table next to her. "But I promise you'll feel significantly better."

Gyuri noticed the glass of water, the hangover pills, and a strawberry parfait perfectly placed on the small table and she just stared at the items at a loss for words. An overwhelming swelling burst on her chest in a way she couldn't control, and tears broke out from her eyes. Gyuri cursed, rubbing the tears off her face, but Kyungsoo was already opening a packet of tissues for her and placing them next to the glass of water.

"I'll leave you alone now." He said, hesitantly looking at her as if he wanted to do something else, "call me if you need anything else."

Kyungsoo walked away, and Gyuri tried to say his name, but her throat tightened up in an unknown burst of emotion. She watched him disappear as more tears fell, and grabbing the tissues, she cursed at herself as she tried to reject the image of Baekhyun smiling at her out of her mind.

Gyuri observed the things on the table, and she felt her mouth watering as she imagined the sweetness of the strawberry ice cream on her tongue and the sugar easing up the growing curse on her chest. She desperately wanted Baekhyun to be by her side. She wanted him to bring those things and take care of her. However, as fast as those tears fell from her eyes, a darker and more twisted thought took over her. She wouldn’t be in a such predicament if Baekhyun cared about her in the first place. If he loved her, she wouldn’t have to fight the primal urge to gulp down that strawberry ice cream to relieve the ache at the core of her heart. She wouldn’t be crying by herself in a stranger’s house that took pity on her, wondering how it would feel to have the man she loved so damn much wrap his arms around her to comfort her.

There were ways to relieve the pain. That much she had learned from Kyungsoo. She reminded herself of that truth. She had tools on her own, she told herself. Gyuri slowly regained control over her emotions, swallowed the hangover pills, and reached for the strawberry parfait. It was homemade. Kyungsoo must have made it himself, and whatever was on her making her lose her wits so easily backed away. She might not have Baekhyun by her side, but there was someone who at least cared enough to make her a cup of natural strawberry ice cream. Sitting back comfortably on the chair, Gyuri dug into the cup. She felt her body relax almost instantly as the sweetness soothed the desperation that took over her so suddenly, and finished the whole thing in no time.

Gyuri lost track of time, seated in the peaceful garden, thinking about nothing and a million things at the same time. The sun started to fall. The day was ending, and countless birds were settling on the nearest trees on the other side of the fence. She basked in the moment as the beautiful harmony of countless chirps and songs filled the air around her. Then, she heard the voices of her hosts at the front of the cabin and knew that the time on her own also came to an end.

***

“Are you ready to have some delicious meat?” Anna greeted her with a wide smile.

Gyuri was still at the threshold when Anna reached for her hand to pull her along. She looked at the woman, excitedly going over all the food and snacks they had ready for dinner, and Gyuri glanced over where Kyungsoo was standing in the kitchen. He was chuckling at whatever Anna was babbling about, and then their eyes met. She saw his expression change from amused to a disarmingly gentle smile that made everything make sense. Gyuri felt herself blush at the realization and listened to every instruction with the utmost attention. She shoved her latest breakdown into the deepest parts of herself and focused entirely on enjoying her time. She deserved it. She desperately wanted it. She needed it.

An overnight campfire.

They planned an overnight campfire in the garden to watch the sunrise, and Gyuri struggled to keep the tears at bay. Before she could succumb to the wave of emotions again, she set herself in motion, letting the excitement and happiness infuse her entire body with energy. She helped Anna to set up everything on the low table on the deck as Minseok worked on the grill next to it. Gyuri took a moment to observe the couple settle everything perfectly for their night, most likely, oblivious about the reason behind it all. If she wasn’t already so enchanted by how nicely they welcomed her into their life without any reservations, she for sure felt an immense amount of affection for them.

Not long after, Gyuri found herself genuinely enjoying the moment. She was seated at the wooden deck, with a can of carbonated juice in her hands, and sharing chips with Anna as Kyungsoo grilled the meat with Minseok assisting him in whatever he needed. As if Gyuri wasn't a new acquaintance but a long-time friend just catching up with their latest shenanigans, Minseok kept telling funny stories of their adventures together. She almost choked on a snack when Minseok told the story of one of their cookouts during a winter night and how the wind blew the meat off the grill. She laughed out loud, clearing up her throat when she noticed the change. The air was heavy and still, and looking up at the sky, she couldn't help but say it out loud.

"It will rain soon."

"What? No." Anna added, looking up at the open sky as well. "I checked the weather and the probability of rain was super low today."

Suddenly aware that the good mood dipped, Gyuri scolded herself for making everyone look up at the sky for the signs of rain as she announced. She wanted to hide in embarrassment for ruining such a moment and braced herself for the weirded-out stares or something of that sort. However, not dwelling too much on the comment like her anxiety convinced her they would, her hosts resumed their conversations, and Gyuri let out a sigh of relief. She looked over where Kyungsoo was by the grill and observed him still looking up at the sky. He found her stare and looked at her with a glint of curiosity and fascination that made her blush. Gyuri wished she was drinking beer so she could blame the alcohol but her internal babbling was interrupted by the unmistakable smell of wet soil. That distinctive scent of the first droplets of rain reached her nose, and before she could say something, Anna gasped next to her.

"Did you feel that?" She asked, looking up and wiping something off her cheek.

There was no warning. After a few droplets here and there, rain poured down cold and heavy. Anna cursed, jumping off the deck. Minseok giggled as he ran away but went back for his girlfriend as Kyungsoo grabbed as many pieces of meat off the grill. Smiling to herself as the raindrops hit her head like marbles, Gyuri gathered as many things as she could from the table and ran to the cabin.

Gyuri just could not tell if she was crying from laughing too much or if her face was wet from the rain. She was on her way out of the cabin to help rescue the rest of the food when she slipped on a wet spot and went sprawling to the floor. She burst into laughter and heard Anna cursing and laughing as she slipped on the wet floor as well, and then, deep giggles and a beautiful smile were the only things she was aware of. Kyungsoo reached out to her, holding her with his strong grip and helping her up. He asked her if she was alright and unable to stop the giggles erupting from her chest, Gyuri nodded.

The amusement of the situation faded away when Gyuri felt him closer. Holding her breath because of his closeness, she looked away when he wrapped an arm around her waist to help her stay steady and away from the wet spots on the floor.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked, finally letting her go.

Still flabbergasted by the gesture, Gyuri nodded. Kyungsoo meant to go out and bring more stuff to the cabin when Minseok came in, almost slipping on the same wet spot Gyuri fell.

"Don't, there is no point going out," he said as he gave Kyungsoo whatever he managed to save from the rain, "everything is soaked by now, including the coal so we can't use the grill anymore."

No one seemed upset by the news. Still giggling to themselves, they all reunited by the kitchen island, dripping wet and shivering. Minseok laughed, grabbing a bowl filled with soggy chips. He asked who was the genius that brought it in instead of anything else more worth saving when his girlfriend cursed at him.

"Those are my favorite chips," Anna said, snatching the bowl off his hands.

"Alright love," He said, winking at her, "I'll let off the hook because of that."

Anna made a face at her boyfriend, and as the oldest in the group, Minseok wasted no time organizing everyone with a glint of determination in his eyes that gave Gyuri chills. So far, Kim Minseok had behaved so ordinarily normal that she kept forgetting that he was the force behind the biggest editorial powerhouse in the country.

"We won't let that meat go to waste." He said as a matter of fact.

And just like that, he put everyone to work. Anna cleaned the floor as he and Kyungsoo dried everything up in the kitchen, leaving Gyuri with the only task of changing into warm clothes and drying her hair so she wouldn't get sick. As the youngest, Gyuri couldn't do otherwise and sheepishly went to her room to do as told. by the time she was back, the floor was clean, and Anna had retired to her room to change her clothes as well.

Gyuri came to the kitchen, hopeful that either Minseok or Kyungsoo would let her take over what they were doing. Minseok looked over at Kyungsoo, and with a smirk, he told Gyuri what to do and left the room. She was drying up the lettuce leaves and putting them in another bowl when she felt Kyungsoo looking at her.

"I don't think I've heard you laugh before." He said, but when she looked at him, he was already turning around to season the meat on the counter.

"The whole thing was funny."

"You should laugh more," he said, pausing to look at her, "You look prettier when you do."

Gyuri went silent. She knew she should feel her cheeks flaring, but what she was feeling was far from that. It wasn't a burning embarrassment that would force anyone to recoil and hide. What she felt was a comfortable warmth that spread across her limbs and only managed to make her smile more. In a way, she even wanted to hear him say that once again.

"How on earth did you know it would rain?" Anna said, coming in and breaking the spell between them, “What are the odds of getting a storm out of nowhere?”

“You said it wouldn’t rain,” Minseok said as he came after Anna, still rustling his wet hair with a towel.

“The forecast said it!” Anna said as she stared at the pouring rain falling outside the cabin. “Unbelievable! What a bunch of liars.”

Gyuri stayed quiet, smiling as Minseok relieved her of the kitchen duties and sent her to relax next to his girlfriend on the couch. She neither complained nor dared to say anything about the rain, considering how baffled her new friend was. It didn't take long for her and Anna to be snuggled under cozy blankets in the living room as the guys prepared dinner. Kyungsoo focused on grilling the meat while Minseok prepared the drinks. No matter how much Anna insisted on helping in the kitchen, the editor refused.

“Well, not gonna lie,” Anna said as she took a sip of her beer, “This is nice.”

“That’s because you’re not moving, darling.” Minseok retorted, giving Gyuri a cup of hot punch.

She gave tiny sips at her drink as Anna talked and talked about everything she had found to love about being back in her homeland until it eventually stopped pouring outside. Minseok and Kyungsoo joined them with their food and found themselves talking the night away as the pitter-patter of the rain enveloped them in a comfortable atmosphere. Although, as nice as it was, something was looming over them. Gyuri noticed the quick and worried glances her hosts threw outside. Anna, in particular, kept looking through the windows with furrowed brows, but it seemed like the sky wasn't over with its wet tirade. Gyuri checked the time and realized what kept them so distracted. The sky wasn't clearing up enough to see the sunrise, and the worst part was that it would never clear up. They all moved to the porch where Minseok and Anna stopped pretending, staring at the landscape around them, whispering about how bad their luck must've been to get such rainfall when they needed a clear sky. As time went by, it was certain the rain outside would not stop.

The sunrise never came.

They all waited in silence, looking at the horizon as if by some miracle, the clouds would move away to let the sunlight shine through but it never happened. Anna was the first to give up, turning to Gyuri, and blatantly stared at her as if she could see the deepest parts of her soul. Gyuri recoiled under her eyes and meant to ask if there was a problem, but she barely managed to let out a squeak.

“Are you drunk?” Anna asked instead, and Gyuri shook her head. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not getting that drunk ever again,” Gyuri muttered, feeling her cheeks burning, which only made everyone chuckle.

“Nah, I just need you to be sober enough so I can sleep with my boyfriend.” She said so unceremoniously that Gyuri panicked for a second.

She looked around, expecting to see scandalized expressions from the guys, but all she got was an excited smile from the editor. Kyungsoo seemed particularly unfazed by the comment.

“Have a good sleep,” Gyuri replied with an unsure inflection in her voice.

With a playful wink, Anna kissed her forehead and left the porch, closely followed by a skipping Minseok that looked ten years younger than his actual age. Gyuri simply watched them disappear inside the cabin, leaving her and the writer alone. She noticed the shift in the atmosphere. She would welcome the silence, the freedom to stay quiet in his presence. Now, there were so many things she wanted to say. She needed to apologize first and foremost, but whenever she tried to bring a word out of her mouth, she didn’t even know how to begin. Gyuri cursed because that awkwardness was created by herself and her alone.

"It didn't go as planned." Kyungsoo said after a while, his eyes still locked on the horizon, "I'm sorry."

Gyuri looked at him, baffled. He had nothing to apologize for, so she forced it out of herself. If there was a moment when she needed to throw her shyness aside, that was the moment, and by no means she wanted to miss the chance.

"Hang out with my friends all night long to watch the sunrise together." Gyuri said wish number four out loud, "I say this counts as a completed wish."

"Are you sure?" He asked. "We can try again some other day."

"Thank you."

Gyuri whispered, looking at him as the notion weighed on her in a way she was not prepared for. She desperately wanted to express herself better, to convey what she felt but found herself as if under the spell of his kind smile, she just could not find the right words.

"I'll go to bed," she said instead.

With her face now feeling like it was burning in embarrassment, Gyuri left the porch before Kyungsoo could do anything that would make herself embarrassed any further. She let out a sigh, weighted with tension, and reached her room without any incidents. Feeling suddenly exhausted and confused, she laid down and stared at the wooden ceiling above her, wondering if what she was feeling was normal or not. She couldn’t tell anymore. Her stomach moved weirdly inside her body, and she rubbed her tummy as if that could ease the sensation. It didn’t. Whatever it was, it kept moving around, and she did not like the feeling.

Not knowing what else to do, she went to the bathroom and took a deep breath before lifting the toilet’s lit. She leaned forward, not dwelling too much on it, and stared at the white toilet bowl. For a second, she didn’t know what to expect. She just followed her gut, and as she observed the impassive water, her body finally reacted. She wouldn’t be able to stop it even if she tried. Nothing hurt, and there was no warning. Gyuri felt the warmth coming up her system and then red pouring out of her mouth. There were no gag reflexes, no battling against the curse, and more strangely, no pain. No burning. Nothing was tearing her skin apart.

Gyuri felt her eyes watering, and the moment the flow of flower petals stopped, she stood up straight. She cursed under her breath, taking in as much air as she could into her lungs when her stomach churned again. She almost missed the toilet, spilling her stomach juices over the edge. The sight of the slimy dark-red contents of her stomach sent her into a state of desperation. All she could feel was the panic taking over as tears finally ran down her face. She fell to her knees when the flower petals stopped, and gripping for dear life to the toilet, she tried to take a deep breath, but as if that was a sign for her body to react, her stomach contracted, and she threw up again and again.

After what felt like an eternity, and as suddenly as it started, her body stopped shivering, and her stomach settled. Relieved to have a break, Gyuri backed away from the toilet and closed her eyes, trying to regain some of her self-control by counting. She was good at that, and she held unto that fact. She started from a hundred as she whipped the snot off her face, and by the time she reached the fifties, she had calmed down enough to rub the tears off her eyes as well.

“Fifty-one.” She muttered to herself.

Gyuri looked around the bathroom, and her entire body trembled. There wasn’t that much of a mess as in her previous episodes, but seeing the red bile dripping from the toilet and spreading across the floor was too much for her to handle. She felt her stomach revolving again, and in a desperate effort to stop, she covered her mouth.

“Fifty.”

She froze on the spot.

“You have to keep counting.” Kyungsoo said, from the other side of the door, “forty-nine.”

Gyuri had stopped breathing by that point. She was too embarrassed and scared to react, even if she felt her chest about to explode.

“Forty-eight.” He said, despite her silence, “What’s next?”

“Go away,” She managed to gasp, but her body contracted again the moment she did that.

“Forty-seven.” He said instead.

Feeling more tears rolling down her face, she choked on her own words, unable to breathe and control the spam on her body.

“Gyuri, you can’t stop.” Kyungsoo ordered, even though his tone was gentle, “Forty-six.”

“For…” Gyuri tried even if it hurt her throat, “...ty…”

“Five.” He finished for her. “Forty…”

“F-four.”

“What’s next?” Kyungsoo asked, and he had never sounded so close and so calm.

Gyuri closed her eyes and took a deep breath once again, hoping she could manage to gather herself together. She tried to focus on the cadence of his voice. She visualized him sitting next to her, close enough for her to feel the rhythm of his breathing so she could follow.

“Three,” She mumbled, reminding herself to exhale as much as she could, “Forty-three.”

“Keep going.” He added, and even though he couldn’t see her, Gyuri nodded before taking a deep breath.

“Forty-two.” She exhaled.

Gyuri heard him hum, and that little sound was enough for her to keep going. She kept counting, one number after the other, as she took deep breaths, filling her lungs with oxygen.

By the time she whispered number one, she was fully calmed, albeit exhausted. However, despite the tiredness, Gyuri reached for the handle and pulled the door open to find the writer sitting on the floor by the door. The light was off, which meant he had been sitting in the dark, talking to her through the door, and there were many things she wanted to tell him, but they just sat there in silence.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." She whispered after a while, "I was angry when I said that. I just don't know what is happening to me. This damned thing is making me…" She said, choking on her words, suddenly upset, "I feel like I'm losing my mind all the time."

Kyungsoo turned his head toward her, acknowledging her words but kept his eyes on the blackness of the dark room. He remained silent, as usual. His nonjudgemental silence gave her a chance to order her thoughts.

"I guess I was upset about what you said," Gyuri said, closing her eyes so she wouldn't shy away from what she needed to say.

"I shouldn't have."

"You had to," Gyuri added, pulling herself together, "You give me clarity, not just about what is happening inside me but in everything else, and I think that's why I got so angry when you just pointed out something I'm trying to ignore. Sometimes we all need to be called out on our crap." She explained, finally looking at him, "I'm sorry."

The writer nodded, accepting the apology, and when he finally moved to look at her, Gyuri saw nothing coming out of his eyes and wondered if it had to do with the darkness around him.

“He’s lucky that you love him."

"Is he though? He didn’t even do anything.” Gyuri mumbled, realizing just how ridiculous the situation was. “He was just being his dumb self, my best friend, and I was stupid enough to fall for him.”

Gyuri found herself smiling at the idea. She smiled at the knowledge of how easy it was to fall for someone that felt so comfortable with her presence and lost herself imagining how different things could be if Baekhyun saw her as something more than a friend. She stopped before her imagination took over and found the writer was observing her. His eyes moved all over her face as if looking for something, and the attention made her realize she might have looked horrible and disgusting. Gyuri looked away, but all she could see was the aftermath of her miserable situation. She tried to get up, although her legs barely worked. Kyungsoo was next to her in the blink of an eye, helping her up. Too conscious of her state and the disgust she felt oozing off her skin, she covered her face, hiding the traces of what came out of her insides, and looked around the small bathroom for a hairband but was still too dazed to know for sure where to look.

"I got it," Kyungsoo said, coming closer.

Stunned, or maybe still a bit hungover, dizzy, or even excited, Gyuri stayed still, looking at him through the reflection of the mirror as he brushed his fingers through her hair, pulling it all back. He didn't have to say anything. He gave her a nod, and Gyuri just followed the indication in silence.

She washed her mouth and then, on an impulse, her entire face and suddenly feeling beyond filthy, her neck all the while, the writer kept her hair from falling over her damped skin. Once done, she leaned back to find him looking at her, and Gyuri didn't know what to do next under his gaze.

Kyungsoo finally let her hair fall to reach for a towel and hesitated before giving it to her. Too many different thoughts crossed her mind as she stood before him, holding the towel close to her chest and unable to move. Time slowed down to the point of stopping altogether, except for him and his figure coming closer and closer. His arm reached out for her, and she watched him leaning closer. All Gyuri could do was admire him, getting so close she thought could feel his heartbeat in the air around him.

His fingers never touched her skin, although she desperately wanted him to. She saw his hand brushing her hair, and instead of putting the strands behind her ear, she felt the subtle tug. She jolted at the sensation, only to notice that Kyungsoo pulled a dried flower petal off her hair. They stared at the deep red smudged petal breaking under the pressure of his fingers, and whatever excitement she felt was suddenly crushed just as easily as that petal.

"I'll clean the rest." He whispered, dropping his arm.

Kyungsoo got himself out of the way, and feeling too hot, Gyuri practically bolted out of the stuffy bathroom. It was still raining outside, not as hard, but soft enough to calm her nerves. Gyuri wanted, desperately, to step out into the open and let the cold raindrops suffocate the fire she felt on her skin.

No one had ever looked at her like that. She replayed the moment in her mind and she wasn't even sure if she saw what she thought she saw. All she could think of was the intense look in his eyes, the sensation of his fingertips gracing the skin on the back of her neck, and the closeness… especially the closeness. He was so close she could see the stubble on his chin, the faint blemishes on his cheeks, and his wild brows. His lips. Gyuri had to close her eyes and breathe in and out, but too bothered by the thought, she let her arm out in the rain and let the towel dampen until she felt the frozen water droplets start trickling down her arm.

Frustrated with herself, she wrung out the towel desperately and draped it over her face as if that could take the confusion away, but of course, it didn’t work. It only managed to clear her thoughts, and snapped her back to whatever happened the night before. She must’ve said something. There was no explanation as to why Kyungsoo would lean over so close to her. He just wouldn't do that. She refused to believe that.

She remembered fragments of it. She could recall the same closeness that had her reduced to a bundle of nerves and the urge to say something important. There was something she wanted to tell Kyungsoo, and she could remember him asking about it. His expression shifted at the question, and his eyes stared straight into hers with a hopeful glint. He might've even been smiling a little bit, and his voice rang with a sudden expectation.

"Do you?"

#AFUTR #Repost #I deleted it by accident #EXO #Baekhyun #Kyungsoo #EXO Fanfic #EXO Fanfiction #Romance #Hanahaki #Angst #Hanahaki Disease

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