#cruelest writers ever i think

[landonkirbyappreciation]

It’s really insane to think about all the ways that they perpetuated Landon’s traumas and hardships and trapped him in them.

Like after he’d grown up being abused, they not only continued to have him being abused by hurting him the whole show, but then chose to kill him and keep him dead in the end.

And after Landon had gone most of his life not being loved by anyone, after he found the person who came to love him most (and who he also loved most), they had her be the one to kill him.

And then, after Landon had been trapped in 2 other dimensions for a whole season, they trap him in another dimension again which they never allow him to escape. Where there are also monsters, after he’d been trapped in a prison world full of monsters where he had to fight for his life. Then he’s gotta be around more of them in limbo and also help them. Even though it’s a totally different situation, you’d think it would still affect him to be around monsters again after having to fight and survive them before. (Not that they ever acknowledged any of this and just had Landon acting fine with everything in limbo.)

And he’d also had to be stuck with the Necromancer for however long it was, the one who killed his brother and forced his brother to kill him, resulting in the loss of his phoenix powers and making it possible for Landon to be dead in the first place. Then Landon’s the one who has to help the Necromancer and he gets freedom and peace while Landon remains trapped in purgatory.

And when part of Landon’s trauma came from him being locked up as a child, when isolation was part of the abuse he went through, he then gets locked up in limbo and remains isolated forever. He hadn’t even wanted to be stuck in a prison world with his brother, yet they put him somewhere that’s essentially like a prison world but worse.

After so badly wanting to escape the harmful life he’d had in the foster system and to have a real home and family and to not be alone, they put Landon somewhere inescapable that is literally damaging his soul, where he is completely alone and without the people he loves and without a real home that he’d always wanted.

And adding to Landon not having a real home, there’s also the fact he’d gone place to place while in foster care, never having any real stability or consistent safe place to be. And then for half the show they trap him in one place after another, and he continues to have no sense of home or stability anywhere. He’s got no real place to go and is basically homeless while trying to survive/escape each place he gets stuck in. And the closest thing to a home they give him in the end is a bar and a dock. And along with that, Landon would have grown up with very little, he hadn’t had many belongings at the start of the show and had to be given clothes by the school because of how little he had. Then by the end, the only clothes he gets to have is one outfit, and doesn’t get to have any other belongings either.

And after being neglected and left behind his whole life, they had him being left behind in every way possible and even said that was his fate. While no one did anything to help him. After his mom had abandoned him when he was a baby, they had her abandon him again (idc if he encouraged her to find peace, it’d still be hurtful to him for his mom to agree and just leave him behind again without helping him). And then they had even Hope, the last person who would’ve given up on him, abandon him as well.

He’d literally started harming himself (in season 2) when he was alone and without Hope and Raf, saying being alone was hopeless. And then the writers made him even more alone in the end, without Hope and Raf and without any hope of being with them again. They took the very things that had made Landon s*icidal and trapped him in them forever and then claimed it was a happy ending for him.

It’s still unreal to me what they did to him and that they took his traumas and basically amplified them and had his ending revolve around them. And somehow thought that was wonderful for his character and story.

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

the lords in black are so interesting to me because. they’re so us. we’re watching the citizens of hatchetfield suffer for our own entertainment just as much as they are. we’re their accomplices in all of it

pokotho made hatchetfield into a musical because musicals are entertaining. and we ate that shit up! it’s soooo fun watching a little man scramble as the world around him bursts into song. the musical genre is satirized because pokey knows how the genre conventions work just as well as we do. we like watching musicals so much that black friday and npmd are musicals, too, even though they don’t revolve around pokotho’s plans as much as tgwdlm. we want them to sing. pokotho does too.

bliklotep is the audience and the audience is bliklotep. trail to oregon calls the audience “the watcher with one thousand eyes” and that’s not all, in watcher world blinky seems to be able to see through the eyes of anyone and everyone who loves spectacle. he wants to see the characters go through angst because WE love angst. it’s fun to watch alice and bill express their buried frustrations. blinky wants it to end in bloodshed because he loves tragedy, and let’s face it, so do we. it’s like that one post about how hamlet is aware of the audience and is angry that we don’t do anything to intervene because we want to see how it plays out. personally, I think blinky could have stopped the woodwards if he really wanted (he’s an elder god, after all) but alice shooting him shifted the narrative so that the emotional payoff would be more fulfilling if they escaped. and blinky loves a good story.

t’noy karaxis has blorbos. we joke about it, but that’s really what it is, isn’t it? he’s the fan who watches the movie again and again and again and again to see his favorite character’s dramatic death scene. he’s the guy who writes and reads angst fics by the hundreds because he likes to see his faves cry. he’s the hatchetfield enjoyer who’s on the edge of their seat waiting to see how ted kicks the bucket this time. the bastard’s box is pretty much just an ao3 account filled with whump and hurt no comfort. he’s sadistic AND he genuinely adores ted, because we fans are often cruelest to the characters we love the most. he puts ted through character growth— the realization that his life went the way it did because of his own mistakes, his inability to be vulnerable with jenny before it was too late— and he does that by writing a 56-chapter angst fic that’s still updating to this day

nibblenephim is the fan who voraciously devours every scrap of content that a creator produces and demands more, more, more. let’s face it, the fandom will never let starkid rest until we see this story through to its end. and then someone will demand a sequel series. nibbly is hungry because we will never stop yearning for more stories. he’s simple because that desire itself is simple— as humans, we need creativity like we need air to breathe. nibbly wants more because we want more. and we will never be satiated.

wiggog y’rath is the ruler and the king because he’s the self-inserting writer. I think jon matteson plays paul *and* wiggly for a reason— wiggly is the only lord in black to be played by the same actor in every single show, and that actor also plays the protagonist of tgwdlm. wiggly wants to be the protagonist. he tries to force himself into the human world of hatchetfield because he wants to participate, dammit! he wants to be the bestest ruler that the earth has ever seen! everyone has to love him because he’s going to be their bestest fwiend! when he appears in human form he’s gonna be the prom king! he’s the ebony dark’ness dementia raven way of the hatchetfield multiverse. he wants every human character to bend to his whims and to love him and to put him at the tippy-top of planet earth because he’s the writer and the writer’s main character, you fuckheads, and he can make whatever story he wants, whether the other characters like it or not! if you’ve ever written a self-insert story? congratulations! you’ve been wiggog y’rath.

and the funny thing? I don’t think the lords know that they, too, are as fictional as anyone else in hatchetfield. maybe blinky knows— he sees through the audience’s eyes, after all— but I don’t think the others do. if they did, maybe they’d be a little less tyrannical. a little bit nicer.

but then the starkid writers wouldn’t have much of a story to tell, would they?

[sophsicle]

it's so weird reading king/pirate fanfiction as a history student because i keep wondering if the most autocratic of dictators and the biggest, cruelest idiots who have ever ruled monarchies had secret side flings whose love "transcended space and time.” like LOL imagine if tsar nicholas ii had a gay side boo. i wonder if his relationship would more closely resemble jegulus or wolfstar or rosekiller. hard to imagine but i cant help it. nicholas x rasputin my otp!! LMAO this is the type of stuff your writing inspires in me.

k but they literally did tho

like Elizabeth I and Robert Dudley? grew up outlaws, basically loved each other until the day they died but just couldn't be together because of timing and politics (she also fucks around with a pirate for a bit, i love her so much)

King James I / V and his lover the Duke of Buckingham who becomes a second father to James's son Charles, is there for him after his father dies and then is murdered by his political opponents???

Frederick II whose father forces him to watch as his male lover Hans Hermann von Katte is BEHEADED (jesus christ)

Alexander the Great and Hephaestion, childhood friends, who make offerings at the alters of Patroclus and Achilles, and then Hephaestion goes and dies and Alexander is destroyed and follows not too long afterwards basically from a broken heart

William of Orange was definitely also fucking around with his bffs from Holland, I'm pretty sure he builds like an addition to Hampton court for one of them but I'm too lazy to fact check that

ANYWAY i always think if you want to be a writer you should study history, cause there are so many stories right there

[artisticwizard]

Morgott for the ask meme

Favorite thing about them

I'm gonna try and keep rehashing of what has already been said about him to a minimum so I'll get it out of the way here. I love that he's big and soft and I love that he's a mean as shit crotchety old bastard with both a self-hating attitude and an ego. I did not get into elden ring intending to like him. He was a surprise blorbo for me. I love how Morgott is a proud creature and a scorned one all in the same time. To be honest, look around at any of the posts I've reblogged from people for this ask and I probably agree with 90% of their points. I think my favorite thing is the art people make around him. Every time someone draws him being soft and tender....He's so large next to their small tarnished and yet he holds them like glass....I'm gonna DIE

Least favorite thing about them

Hard to draw :( Also hard to roleplay :( Also I wish he was utilized more. hunting us in game alongside the nights cavalry. Wish his fight was a bit tougher too.

Favorite line

"Have it writ upon thy meagre grave:

"'Felled by King Morgott! Last of all kings." ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT LINE IS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING EVER. In one sentence he disparages you as insignificant and elevates him as king. Not just King THE LAST. This lineage will die with him, this he states. And I think he's actually giving you credit here. This lineage will die with him, whether you are the one to kill him or you fail.

brOTP

I gotta go with his actual bro. I like the dichotomy between him and Mohg so much it makes me ill. I love how Mohg went full self love and Morgott went the other direction. This is one of the instances where I think fandom rather than canon has elevated their relationship so much for me. Especially fic writers. Elden ring fic writers write these two so goddamn well.

OTP

Morgott and the Tarnished. Everyone's Tarnished. People write and draw and create so many wonderful things around this old man. I also have a soft spot from him and Oleg. My Tarnished Wulfwyn and him is my brainrot OC x Canon ship that I think about CONSTANTLY.

nOTP

Him and Mohg. Even in a setting like this where incest is more normalized, it's just never gonna be my thing. No hate.

Random headcanon

You also get a Mohg headcanon built in. I've always loved the idea that Omen can take on traits of different animals, not just the horns. In my head Morgott took on more mammalian traits like ram-like horns, a long tail, and fur. Though I will not deny him his tiny baby wings. Mohg on the other hand took in more reptilian and avian traits like pebbled skin or scales and feathers and wings.

Unpopular opinion

Some people have this kind of....kicked puppy attitude about him that I don't agree with. He's soooo shitty and bitter as a character and he enjoys hunting Tarnished like he does. I'm not saying he's the cruelest demigod in the story, because he isn't by far, but I wish people didn't ignore his mean streak as much because it's soooo interesting.

Favorite picture of them Oh Dude So Many. This one by bora-in-tamriel makes me laugh whenever I see it, though.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

I'm an unhinged buddie truther so I'm already calling it... Probably the Cruelest/Funniest bit of meta ever written is episode 3x3 after the tsunami.

.... Buck is at home, alone.

Buck's voice: Sometimes being lost is not knowing how to get from where we are, to where we want to be. Where we need to be."

Ed Sheeran's photograph plays, and right after the line...

Ed Sheeran:

..."Wait for me to come home"...

...There's a knock on Buck's door. It's Eddie and Chris.

Both Buck and Eddie call Chris...

buddy... and Eddie tells Buck to watch him...

"It's easy, he's not very fast!" 🤪

.......

"... between us... he's never built anything that kinda looks like anything, he just likes sticking things together...!"

"Right there, buddy!" (Waves Chris towards the couch.)

And and did I mention, there's that fucking ✨BICYCLE ✨ on that wall when they enter the house.

Then Eddie gets them all set up:

He's packed a morning snack...

a midday snack...

two coloring books (every shipper needs to color things a bit, right?)

a bunch of legos... (Damn, we are drowning in legos by this point, aren't we.)

....

Basically they're getting us shippers all set up.

Then there's 20 bucks for the pizza... (Oh dear, hopefully not Buck 20.0)

Like in that scene where the team is waiting, finally betting for the outcome,

ordering pizza while they wait...

even chanting for that guy, who cornered himself on a low roof, to jump, while he just takes forever dithering, and wails...

"When is it my turn to fly!"

And is then pushed off the roof because the home owner (writer) just couldn't take it anymore.

"As you know, madness is like gravity...

All in all. I'm thinking.... we're not the only clowns in this circus. This is them wanting to do a slowburn and...

[wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart]

Hey, what do you think about the mental health of Obi-Wan, Anakin and the others? Are they okay? Are they struggling with something? What's your opinion about it? Only if you feel okay to talk about this of course!

Dear Ano

Thank you for the question, although I am not sure that I am qualified to give a suitable answer. However, I would like to try anyway.

I have read countless fic that deal/work with their mental state to a greater or lesser degree, and I have to say that the general trend is that, no, they are not okay, far from it. Canon is very cruel and unfair to our favorite characters, unless you are a certain Sith master. The tragedy of SW is that there rarely, if ever, is a real happy ending for anyone, despite it being a space fairytale.

So to return to their mental health and start with the obvious character, Anakin.

Anakin grew up as a slave, always subservient to others and with no hope of ever becoming the master of his own destiny, yet that is exactly what he dreams of, freedom and power.

A friend and fellow fic writer recently described his basic character in a few words in one of her fics.

"With an upbringing that left him no control over the injustice he'd often witness, Anakin aspired to be the hero. He aspired to be the savior. He wanted to save others from hardship, because he understood firsthand what it was like to face them." @barmadumet in chapter 14 of A Strange Kind of Love

And then he is given the opportunity to gain power but with the price of once again being subject to the authority of others.

Anakin is a complex character we can take in many different directions from this point of the story. His character is affected (as is true in RL) by what he is exposed to, the choices he and others make and the development of the story. We know what happens to Anakin, and it's tragic to see how his otherwise promising opportunity to become the hero instead ends with him falling and condemning himself to a painful existence in slavery under one of the cruelest characters created.

Anakin is not okay and is always struggling with something. This is what makes him a great character, there is always plenty to work with whenever we enter his story to save/fix or to harm/destroy.

This brings us to Obi-Wan. Dear Obi-Wan, who loves strongly and more deeply than anyone else, but isn't willing to show it (even though he often does) and is bound by duty. He's not okay, but he does his best and refuses to give up. The stubborn man keeps going no matter what, not even death and worse can stop him. He's not okay, mostly because his fate is tied to the Skywalkers. I love his character, I want to save him, and that often means saving everyone else too, because he would never be so selfish to save only himself… sacrificing himself, now that is an entirely different story.

(This is also what makes it so fascinating to write him as a Sith, to twist his character out of shape, creating some truly evil from genuine good)

All the others, the many wonderful characters who all have their own destinies intertwined with these two, well they are not okay, they all have their own faults, flaws, good traits and challenges. I love them all and saving them (or making everything worse) is a time consuming but rewarding and entertaining occupation.

I have no idea if this was the answer you were looking for dear Ano, but hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for asking.

[hauntedwitch04]

The loneliest

Bassist!Remus Lupin x Writer!Reader

Words: about 1.4k words

Warnings: none, just sad

Author's note: hi loves! here for you another bassit!remus lupin, this time a sad one. I had this idea bit ago, and I wrote it down in the drafts and today I said "why not?". As already said, I'm a superfan of Maneskin so here I am with another one of their song!

My first idea

Hope you like it!

Requests are open I Ask

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Join the Taglist

Love is the cruelest curse that has ever been inflicted on humanity.

This is all I managed to write on my computer, while wrapped in about 20 blankets on my friend's couch. It has been months since I had to start writing my new novel, and of course I had to start now, after breaking up with my boyfriend, or rather with the love of my life.

I haven't been able to stop crying for days, the tears seem to have become part of my face as I stare at that blank screen.

Susy told me to let it go and think about recovering instead of thinking about the book, but this is the only thing that can distract me from the pain.

We have never quarreled like this in all the years we have been together. Every fight between us, no matter how small it was, but this time it really destroyed me.

It had all started with the fact that he hadn't spent the night at home for weeks now, every night out with his friends for events or for fun, and I couldn't help but be happy for him, but I felt in all this a bit neglected. When he was home he was always busy in his study or on the phone, and he never had a second to talk to me. In the evening we would have dinner in silence, and when he finished eating he would go immediately to another room, in case he was home and had not already gone out. After a long time I couldn't stand this anymore so I made up my mind to talk to him, but at that time he was at the studios of the record company. Once I got there I went to wait for him in his studio after greeting the other members of the Maraurders band: James, the drummer; Sirius, the singer; Regulus, the guitarist.

I waited a few minutes in the room, looking at that space so large and so charged with the 'essence of Remus at the same time, until my gaze fell on the small sofa in front of the window, or rather what was on the small sofa. I moved closer and realized that the colorful object that had attracted my attention from afar was a pair of red lace panties.

I remember how the air went out of me and tears came to my eyes, and before I could realize it I slumped to the floor. I don't remember the door opening, but I remember Remus's gaze, his eyes wide with astonishment and his running toward me. He was talking but I couldn't hear him; it was as if I were underwater and my ears were plugged.

Then I remember my screams, everything I had held in until that moment, and like a wave I had let my anger crash against him. Remus was trying to explain, to speak, but I was not giving him time, and before I could understand what my mouth was saying I had told him I did not want to see him again. I regained my senses from that empty feeling once in the car, where I screamed so loud that my throat hurt. After that I went home, got some of my things, and went to Susy's, looking for a safe haven. For days my fiancé had tried to contact me, or my manager or my friends, but never had anyone responded to him.

Love is a double-edged sword because you can get hurt when you love too much and when you love too little. The love I have for Remus is an eternal love, which no matter how bad it has made me feel will not cease to exist, because every cell in my body loves and desires him and for that I hate myself.

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone, and I realize that my manager has sent me an e-mail. I open it and read it.

"This footage is from yesterday. Look at it. I love you. Mary"

That's all it says with a link attached. Immediately I open it and realize that it is a video of the last Marauders concert, and I am immediately ready to close it, when my eye falls on Remus. I've never seen him look so bad. He has dark circles under his eyes and a pale face. His eyes are dull as he looks out at the crowd and plays bass. When the song is over, Sirius asks the crowd for silence.

"Please be quiet. For the first time in my life, I find myself getting serious. Usually I'm the one messing around with girls, or boys, but apparently this time Remus has broken my record. The poor guy is devastated, and I can't help but feel guilty, because it's my fault. Y/N, if you ever see this video, I'm sorry for what happened, for all the misunderstanding, and please listen to poor Moony, we can't stand to see him so miserable anymore." He says walking across the stage, and looking at the camera, as I see Remus move to the center of the stage in front of the microphone.

"For example, you could start listening to him from this song that his poor broken heart wrote entirely for you." Sirius continues before remaining silent and giving his friend space.

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

There's a few lines that I have written.

In case of death, that's what I want, that's what I want

So don't be sad when I'll be gone

There's just one thing I hope you know, I loved you so

'Cause I don't even care about the time I've got left here

The only thing I know now is that I wanna spend it

With you, with you nobody else here

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

I'm sorry but I gotta go

If you'll ever miss me give this song another go

And I just keep on thinking how you made me feel better

And all the crazy little things that we did together

In the end, in the end, it doesn't matter

If tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

You're still the oxygen I breathe

I see your face when I close my eyes

It's torturous

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

Remus' low, deep voice enchants me, and I feel tears flowing overbearingly down my cheeks. I listen to every second of that song, eagerly, holding each word close to my heart, imprinting them on my soul.

Without thinking about it I put everything to the side and run to the door with the intention of going to him and apologizing, but I am met with a scene I never expected. Remus is sitting with his head between his legs in front of the door, a bouquet of flowers abandoned at his side. Upon hearing the door open he turns and looks at me. He opens his mouth but makes no sound. His face is marked with tears as much as mine and I cannot resist. I throw myself into his arms, holding him tightly as I never have. He returns that gesture and strokes my hair. I begin to cry again as I ask him a thousand times to apologize, and he replies that he is the one who needs to apologize. We don't do anything else, we just stand there embracing, finding ourselves, and I realize that yes love is the greatest curse ever cast on human beings, but also the greatest blessing, because without suffering we would never experience such a strong and beautiful feeling.

[devondespresso]

Writers 20 questions tag game!!

tagged by the beloved @eriquin 💕💗💖 i haven't been able to participate in a lot of tag games lately (as evident by this being at least a week late ahnsgdsynkd)(edit: its been way more than a week) but i still really really appreciate the tags!!

divider by @/saradika-graphics

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7 !! I think i still need to put one up there but i haven't yet cause i wanna edit the ending a tad

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

10,746

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Thingssssss, and i think its fair to say the Steve Harrington fandom specifically gdnzngxngxgn

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sweet and Spicy (the one steddie drabble tdnydyndny), My Sunshine, I Can Only Hope Now, Never Again, and Mr. Crayola Henderson

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes absolutely!! its usually a lot of heart emojis and keyboard smashes mixed in with my actual response zgnzgbzgnzng

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhh itd probably have to be Never Again still, i usually like to lean positive with my endings, that whole love-being-alive thing, so whenever i don't its usually because the focus is a different strong emotion that'd conflict with blatant positivity.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oo okay also hard to decide for the same reason, I'd say the ending that feels happiest is probably from either I Can Only Hope Now (the Claudia prompt) or Now That We're Alive because both go from sad to happy and hopeful for the future. My Sunshine ends on a good note but its less "aw yippee!" and more "AAAAAAAAAAAA". I like my drabbles (under 400 words) to end pretty fluffy so far, and stuff like Mr. Crayola Henderson stays a pretty consistent light and fun so I don't think the happy end hits as hard.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god, not yet anyway

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nopeeee tho Never Again has an E and M version it's not exactly fun enough to be smut i don't think

10. Do you write crossovers?

also nope

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that im aware?? I'd be pretty pissed if it was but also like. is it doing well? is it popular? 👀

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that im aware but i give full permission if anyone wants to

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, most ive done is bounce ideas or beta, but I'd be down to try it!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i don't know if i have one?? just in general for stranger things i enjoy steve ships a lot. big fan of Vi and Caitlyn from Arcane but im not really in fandom for that show cause what would i change?? im very much a gen fic enjoyer and if i had to list all my fav platonic dynamics... we'd be here a while xgnzngzgn

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

oh irony my cruelest adversary. a few months ago i was happy and ignorant in my haven of only one active wip. Now there's a small handful, and unless i get possesed with the same emotions i was venting in it, i fear the short Robin-centric letter style thing won't be finished soon. its decent so far but there would be a good bit of editing trying to actually articulate the feeling in a realistic way plus fitting it to Robin's first-person writing style. I don't intend to drop it but lately it just calls to me the least, but that could change

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think its a strange mix of intuition and a technical understanding of writing that works really well for the way i think. Its very broad and basically has no rules, just a understanding of how my favorite stories work, how most writing rules are really trends that tend to work better and then you can dig deeper behind a lot of them to see the *why* behind it. that plus trusting the nagging feeling that something's off makes editing my most productive stage, i can vibe check the area and then start digging dgnxnhxngxng

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

god this changes every time i revisit this draft xumxhmxmxhm this time its probably character introspection. i love writing like a movie and having character action or dialogue or setting or symbols communicate things, but putting down what the characters thinking with similar tact is soooo harddddddd and especially in angst or emotion moments, i want my readers caught in the same thought process as the pov character, i want it to feel so real that even if they never experienced the situation the characters in and even if they know logically the characters wrong, they understand. and that unfortunately involves bypassing their stance as an outside perspective on the matter, which is uhhhhh very very hard xhmznhxhnxhm

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the intent, i think it works best when the author speaks the language themselves, and especially with stuff like asl it helps clarify the grammatic differences. I think if its a language the pov character isn't supposed to understand then "said something in x language" works better for universal immersion.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stranger things babeyyyyyy, i actually started writing the Steve Henderson au first, tho the first drafts of chapters are very different from current ones

20. Favorite fic you've written?

MY SUNSHINE!!!!!!! i am so open about my favouritism with that one, its the most contemplative and atmospheric and emotional and its short enough that i was spending time on every word, every line to make sure it felt right and contributed to the picture i wanted. they say its more achievable (compared to long fiction) to make a perfect short story and that's what My Sunshine feels like to me, the perfect little taste of themes I'm enjoying most in writing rn, specifically with the Steve Henderson au (my second favourite fic xgnxngxgn)

i forget how many ppl im supposed to tag so im gonna do 20, no pressure ofc!! @marvel-ous-m @acasualcrossfade @pearynice @imfinereallyy @tinytalkingtina

@klausinamarink @puppy-steve @queenie-ofthe-void @eyesofshinigami @stellarspecter

@dreamwatch @lightoftheseraph @withacapitalp @findafight @hbyrde36

@vegasol @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @lingeringmirth @momotonescreaming @sourw0lfs

[lil-oreo-crumbles]

Hey, got any thoughts about Seth?

Oh, do I ever!!

Seth is an incredibly fascinating, dominant, and looming presence in the Magic Book of Spells with the potential to be one of the most intriguing characters in the entirely of SVTFOE… that was tragically underutilized, slapped in the face, and is who I believe to be the source of the biggest missed potential in the entirety of canon.

But I do not trust the writers at all to have handled him in the show proper.

The Septarians are notoriously treated like absolute dirt. Any and all of the Septarians we meet have either been humiliated, turned into a joke, villainized beyond any humanity, and overall treated awfully. They’re portrayed as this unfeeling, violent, monster species with no (biological? cultural?) ability to forgive or forget the countless atrocities the Mewmans committed against innocent people. GEEZ, It’s not like the Septarians have enhanced longevity and experience time differently than almost EVERY OTHER SPECIES ON MEWNI with most of them FIRST HAND experiencing the atrocities other species of monsters and ESPECIALLY Mewmans see as “bygone eras of the past!!”

And even with the book alone, Seth is also lumped into this stereotype, and may be one of the worst offenders. Globgor can’t stand him and has intense bias against him (I know he talked about “Septarians” but my god we all know he means Seth to some degree. Seth is very clearly a prominent figure if not the leader of the Septarians and he’s pictured/alluded to twice in Eclipsa’s chapter), bitch Crescenta smeared his name into the DIRT in a rigged election campaign and destroyed his reputation, and Comet refused to take him seriously whatsoever (but then again it’s Comet so what are we really expecting??). He was even on the Magic High Commission’s radar, labeled as an “extremist” (which just about anything is labeled “extreme” in the MHC’s eyes so they’re not reliable narrators). He’s spat upon and repeatedly villainized. He gets no breaks or even a glimpse of humanity and everyone in the fandom after the book came out was hyping him up as this huge villain.

So, yeah, I don’t think the show would have bothered to give him any humanity or depth if he was introduced in the show proper and would have made egregiously worse the show’s already bad problem of making monsters, the historically marginalized and colonized group of people, the bad guys. (Seriously, Meteora wasn’t a “real” threat until she was revealed to be half monster. That makes me frustrated.)

I love Seth. I think he would’ve had amazing potential if put in the right hands. There’s so much to do with him and I’m mostly glad he’s been left alone so fans can interpret him in any way they want.

Now… what are my opinions and headcanons about him? What’s the story I’ve concocted?

Thankfully Seth is a character I can talk about without worrying about AU spoilers… mostly (thank god).

In my mind, Seth is someone who actually didn’t see the Great Monster Massacre first hand, hatching about 200 years afterwards (due to my timeline and how I’ve designed Septarian aging). But that doesn’t mean whatsoever that he hasn’t seen the atrocities of Mewmans. In fact, he’s been put in several situations where— while not Moe levels of genocide— he has seen the cruelest and most inhumane levels of Mewman aggression against monsters. He’s a victim of it first hand and spent 80+ years through torture after being ripped away from his homeland before finally uprising against it with his sister (oh yeah he has a sister in my AU)

He is someone who wholeheartedly earned the respect and adoration of his people. He was a leader that they wanted, not because of blood or any ties to the throne he had. (He’s by blood the Prince of Septarsis, but by the time he came back to Septarsis not many people remembered him since he had changed so much). He completely changed the governmental system and put Septarsis into its golden age.

Now this is what may get me in trouble, but stick with me… I don’t think the reputation he’s acquired is completely unfounded. YES the Mewmans and MHC are incredibly biased and we can’t take what they say at face value, but some stereotypes have some truth to them. It’s way overexaggerated, but Seth is someone who I see as extremely trigger happy in his youth.

While a great leader and delegate, he can be incredibly rash and actively seeks violence against Mewmankind. Never Solaria or Moe levels of genocide… but if Mewmans happened to disappear one day he’d be over the moon. This makes him a fun foil for Toffee’s mother in my AU, Mylanie, who’s someone who strives to end the conflict and seek lasting peace.

In the early days he was active in battle and loved fighting against his adversaries. In fact, I find the idea of Seth being the one to kill Solaria— specifically beheading her with his own hands— fascinating and I LOVE IT. He’s not afraid to get messy when protecting monsters or his homeland, and the stories about his violence is NOT unfounded. If anyone is perpetuating ideas about Septarian stereotypes, it’s our buddy Seth.

But here’s the important distinction, he is not going out of his way hurting innocent people. He’s not this bloodthirsty monster who’s trying to commit genocide, he’s not Solaria, he’s just someone who sees violence as the answer and thinks peace is a waste of time.

It wasn’t until the election that his priorities changed and he actually calmed down.

The smear campaign was a huge blow. It really got him to think and consider how his actions were affecting monsters as a whole but especially his own people. He knows how much influence he has over how his people are perceived… and that’s when he pulled back. He was still active, don’t get me wrong, and got along diplomatically with the few surviving monster civilizations, but he took a lot less of a role than he used to. He started thinking critically and cleverly instead of resorting to violence first and foremost. Peace with Mewmans was still firmly off the table though and is still that way to this day.

When Comet sent the invitation, he genuinely planned to ignore it. He had no intention of going to the banquet— as last time he played along with Mewman rules he got screwed— but did allow Toffee to be a representative after Toffee offered to go in his place.

Under one condition: No harm was to come to the Queen

And we see how that went…

I’d gladly go into his relationship/dynamic with Toffee but this post is long enough :). Maybe in another post!!

His “death” was a stunt to fully get him out of any Mewman drama, and he was especially glad he perpetuated that lie because of how pissed he was at Toffee after Comet’s death. He’s alive and well and still in charge of Septarsis, he’s just out of the public eye because everyone thinks he’s dead (except close allies).

Overall I see him as someone who was essentially what his reputation said he was until he got a huge ego blow and actually matured enough to stop being so trigger happy. He was always a great leader over Septarsis and did whatever it took to protect his people, but he had some growing up to do as well.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. My AU goes into him a lot deeper and really fleshes him out. He’s a four dimensional character with layers and depth to him. While he seems like a Mewman hating “radical” on the surface, he’s humanized and he has layers and reasonings for his beliefs and actions.

I just love Seth. A lot. He’s so silly. He’s so fascinating and I love that everyone has a different perspective of him.

Also he is Rasticore’s dad you can’t change my mind !!

Dude I could literally make a whole other post on him I love this character so much—

Anyways here’s Seth and his little sister Zarina I love them to bits <3

[discet]

I think the core was a good villain in concept, but felt underdeveloped. And yeah, I believe the main reason for Darcy’s existence is because the writers wanted Marcy out of the plot, and chose the cruelest way possible to do so(because fuck Marcy I guess)

Yeah no, the Core had a whole mess of potential! It was this creepy alien force lurking in the shadows behind the throne! It had the loyalty of a really compelling antagonist in Andrias! It's design for both its giant robot body and Darcy was really cool! 

The fandom content ever since season 2 and especially after the season 3a hiatus was top notch. A lot of it would have to be toned down to be used in canon, but they all explored really interesting themes and how they could impact Anne Marcy and Sasha.

And its all just sort of left on the table. [Salt below read at your own risk. ]

And it turns out that the compiled intelligence of the most brilliant minds of a dimension spanning empire has the motivations of just like, an everyday jackass. It wants an army so it can do conquests, cause I guess war is fun? No seeming end goal other than violence? 

It’s not for the Glory of Amphibia cause its leaving that whole planet to rot. It’s not to live in luxury cause it guts the palace of all its art and finery in favor of extremely utilitarian tech.

And war for the sake of war would make sense if it was just this totally alien unfeeling hivemind. But apparently it misses the taste of bakegoods enough that it made itself extremely vulnerable by hooking itself into a teenage girl.

Like, a pure evil villain isn’t by default a bad thing, but from a series that brought us such interesting, nuanced, and compelling antagonists like Andrias and Sasha, the core feels like an afterthought. A thing to pun as much of the blame on as possible and defeat. Its existance was not even known to the protagonists until literally just before the finale.

And it wasn’t even like a ‘Ah yes! It was me all along!’ It literally just let Andrias handle everything for a thousand years, then immediately shit the bed once it was back in charge. 

And yeah, the fact that it benches Marcy and just ends her entire character arc is extremely frustrating. Again, lots of cool struggling from the inside plotlines you can do if the possession and they are just not explored. Marcy gets super traumatized twice once through a literal stab in the back and then by what looks like a horrifying possession and then does nothing for the season. Gets to do some cool anime stuff in the final fight but ultimately is not allowed to get any kind of victory over Andrias, her possession, or the core itself. 

And at the end she is just normal. All of that horror and betrayal and Marcy just takes it in stride cause its the end of the show and we don’t got time for her to feel anything other than okay about everything. Anne got two episodes about her coming to terms with Hop Pop’s betrayal with the box, and several more episodes/subplots focused around her wrestling with coming to forgive Sasha. Marcy gets a tense little ‘bye Andrias.’ as she’s leaving and that’s it. Marcy was a device for other characters arcs and the plot first and her own character second. And BOY am I salty about it. 

Salty to the tune of about 350k words of fic. 

[kpopimagi]

A Flower Under The Rain [Part 8-2]

Characters: Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Kang Gyuri (OC) Genre: Angst, Romance Au: Hanahaki!Au  Type: Series  Word count: 6,585 Status: Trigger Warning

It all began with a cough and then, a subtle sting in her chest. Kang Gyuri cried, knowing that in a matter of months, she would be another figure in the death toll of the most dangerous and cruelest outbreak in human history.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8-1

I added the trigger warning just in case. It was the first thing I wrote about this chapter and I just love what that interaction means for the characters in the story, but I also understand some might find it disturbing to read. That being said, be aware that this is a heavy chapter

Spinning.

Spinning out of control.

She was spinning, and tumbling around, slipping out of a horrible desert and back into semi-consciousness. She couldn't stop the tumbling and the throbbing for dear life until she opened her eyes and felt her mouth full of sand. But Gyuri wasn't in a desert, and her tongue wasn't covered in sand. She was just lying in bed in a blindingly white room, with a pounding headache, a disgusting thirst, and what she guessed, for the first time in her life, a nasty hangover. She tried to blink off the tumbling sensation but gave up when she sat up and felt her queasy stomach. 

Gyuri noticed that she was wearing different clothes than the ones she had the day before and panicked. She couldn't remember changing and looked around for answers when she noticed the curled-up body tucked in blankets next to her. She felt all the warmth in her leaving her body in absolute terror of what she couldn't remember. Tugging the blanket, she discovered a mop of tangled hair and then Anna's impassive face under the hairy mess, snoring ever so softly. Gyuri deflated back on the bed in absolute relief but instantly regretted it when her world spun around her.

"Drink all that water and get some food, for goodness sake," Anna mumbled with a groan without moving an inch from her position.

Gyuri felt too unsettled to feel mortified and without arguing, she dragged herself out of bed to find at least half a dozen water bottles on the nightstand beside the bed. Some more were empty and scattered on the floor, and wondered how she managed to drink all that water. She had no recollection of doing it whatsoever.

Grabbing a couple of bottles, Gyuri left the room, squinting at the bright morning light seeping through the windows, and went to the kitchen. She wasn't thinking. She was too hungover to think about anything but felt her stomach drop when she found Kyungsoo washing dishes and food sizzling on the stove.

He must have felt her presence in the room because he looked over his shoulder and muttered a quick greeting before resuming his dishwashing. Grateful that Kyungsoo wasn't observing her, Gyuri walked over to the kitchen island and settled on one of the stools. She was opening one of the water bottles when she noticed that the writer finished the dishes and was now observing her quite intently.

“Why do I still remember stuff?” Gyuri asked before gulping half the water down in one go.

“You didn’t drink nearly enough to blackout,” Kyungsoo explained, and he busied himself back on the stove.

"I don’t know which one is worse.” She added, feeling her head pounding. “Did I say anything embarrassing?”

“You told me your biggest secret.” He said, placing a bowl of soup in front of her.

It took Gyuri a couple of seconds and quite some thinking to recall what secret he was referring to but when it finally clicked on her, she froze in her seat and felt her mind suddenly becoming clear. Her eyes opened wide, scared of what it could mean because she remembered many things, but clearly not as much as she wanted.

“Did we…sleep together?” She mumbled.

“No.”

A wave of relief came over Gyuri, and she swore to never get drunk again. However, that didn't erase the mortifying notion that she blurted out such things in his presence, and struggling to meet his gaze she dug into the soup. She welcomed the feeling of her stomach calming down, but Kyungsoo stayed still in front of her, fiddling with his fingernails as if deep in thought.

“I didn’t write it down," he said after a while, "but I made sure it happened before it was too late.”

“I guess I’m not that weird after all,” Gyuri replied after stuffing her mouth with food.

Kyungsoo shook his head, making a funny face, and was about to say something when Anna came into the kitchen and embraced Gyuri in a big tight hug. Surprised and taken aback by such a display of affection, Gyuri stayed still, looking at Kyungsoo for any explanation or cue of what to do next, but he simply observed the scene with a smile on his face.

"You look rough," Anna said, tightening her arms around her, "which means it was a good drinking night."

Everything happened so quickly that it was hard for Gyuri to follow, but the moment Kyungsoo placed a bowl of soup next to her, Anna let her go, and for a split second, she could swear they exchanged a meaningful stare. They didn't say anything, but the grave looks in both of them made her wonder if something happened. Their silent exchange ended when Minseok joined them with his hair all in disarray and still wearing his pajamas. Anna sat down and dug into the bowl with passion while Kyungsoo placed a third bowl for his friend. As soon as they were all set and eating, the writer brought a pan, still sizzling with marinated beef, and placed it in the middle. To her absolute surprise, Kyungsoo had a slice of meat on his chopsticks and was ready to feed her. Gyuri almost choked on whatever she was eating but leaned forward, opening her mouth nonetheless, and felt herself blush. The meat was delightful, but it was the gesture itself that had her smiling. The giddiness didn’t last for long. She couldn’t even bask in the feeling when she watched Kyungsoo doing the same to Minseok.

"What about me?" Anna asked when she opened her mouth, but Kyungsoo only nudged the pan closer to her.

"You have your own hands," Kyungsoo said with a deadpan expression that made Minseok chuckle.

Gyuri practically deflated in her seat. She nagged herself and wanted to slap her face at the ridiculousness of hoping that Kyungsoo would ever do something as intimate as feeding her when they were not even that close. Kyungsoo invested all of his attention into whatever he cooked and was more than happy to share it with the people around him, no matter who they were. She really wasn’t that special and hated herself for thinking she was.

“Is there anything wrong?” Anna asked, noticing her sudden silence.

Shaking her head, Gyuri resumed her breakfast, gulping down not only her food but her feelings as well. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only embarrassing moment she had to endure during breakfast because her hosts invested themselves in getting her up today with all the silly things she said and did the night before. 

It wasn't all bad. Gyuri found herself chuckling at the stories of her silly drunken antics. For a moment, she thought about Baekhyun. She wondered what would have happened if he happened to be around. She pictured herself telling him the stories of her first drinking night, and she knew he would pester her for not inviting him. She lost herself in the fantasy of what could be but was brought back to reality by the editor asking her something.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Minseok asked again, and Gyuri simply stared at him as if caught up like a deer in headlights.

"She's probably too hungover to want to go on a hike, honey," Anna said, winking at her.

"She can sweat it out up there." The editor added. 

The idea alone made her shudder, and they all quieted down by her reaction. Gyuri wanted to apologize, but the sudden attention and, she wasn't so sure if she was correct about it, the look of endearment on their faces stopped her. They were all looking at her.

"I'm not feeling that well," Gyuri ventured to say.

Minseok was ready to say something about that argument, but Anna was faster and dragged him back to their room as they bickered back and forth about whether to go out hungover or not and left Gyuri and Kyungsoo all by themselves in awkward silence.

"I guess I will have a shower," Gyuri said when Kyungsoo cleared off her empty dishes.

With her stomach full and not as queasy as before, Gyuri excused herself from the kitchen and hid in her room for as long as she could. She took a long shower, hoping for the hot water to wash the hangover away, and then devoted herself to the tediousness of applying cream all over her body. She was done after a while and tried to just hang out around the room, enjoying the toiletries available but was also aware of how awful it would look to her hosts if she stayed locked up in her room. 

Checking her reflection in the mirror, Gyuri encouraged herself before going to the living room to find the person she was trying to avoid silently sitting on the couch. She took her time and felt her cheeks suddenly flaring as she recalled the embarrassing things she said. Gyuri had to push those thoughts aside and greet the writer, but he didn't move. She cleared her throat, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear, but once again, he remained unfazed. Walking around the couch, Gyuri realized Kyungsoo had his headphones on and was watching what looked like a movie on his tablet. However, the moment she came into his peripherals, he noticed her presence, and a smile spread across his face.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, removing his headphones.

"Fine."

"How's the hangover?" He kept on as he got up from his spot, but Gyuri was ready to leave the cabin.

Gyuri thought she was feeling good enough to handle the embarrassment of her drunken mishaps, but once she had his attention on her, she could feel her head pounding louder and her face burning hotter. She schemed her escape. She could hide in the garden for a good while. A part of her wanted to believe that he wouldn't mind.

"The shower helped," Gyuri replied, already heading to the door to get out of the place, but his voice stopped her.

Kyungsoo called her and walked around the coffee table toward her. She froze on the spot, not knowing why she felt more out of place at that exact moment than ever. All she could do was blame it on the annoying headache, the disgusting rotten taste that never ceased to come up her throat, and the clamminess and stinky texture of her skin. Maybe she was too hungover to think straight and misinterpreted the caring and almost loving expression on his face. She must have because it wouldn't make any sense for him to be so kind, handing her a bottle of a hangover remedy. She thanked him for it, and feeling as if her entire body might light up on fire, she excused herself and left the cabin.

The bright sunlight hit her face, and Gyuri let out a sigh. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath and filling her lungs with fresh air, made a beeline for the garden. She found the place just as peaceful as she recalled the previous day and settled on the chair under the tree. Instinctively, she pulled her phone out of her pocket to check for new messages. There was none. Cursing under her breath, she stared at the name on the screen, debating whether or not she wanted to call him. The most hurt and selfish part of her heart kept reminding her that he was at fault. Rustling noises made her snap back to the present, and Kyungsoo came into the garden carrying a small portable table.

"You bolted out before I could give you any of this," he said, just as softly as ever, as he set the table next to her. "But I promise you'll feel significantly better."

Gyuri noticed the glass of water, the hangover pills, and a strawberry parfait perfectly placed on the small table and she just stared at the items at a loss for words. An overwhelming swelling burst on her chest in a way she couldn't control, and tears broke out from her eyes. Gyuri cursed, rubbing the tears off her face, but Kyungsoo was already opening a packet of tissues for her and placing them next to the glass of water.

"I'll leave you alone now." He said, hesitantly looking at her as if he wanted to do something else, "call me if you need anything else."

Kyungsoo walked away, and Gyuri tried to say his name, but her throat tightened up in an unknown burst of emotion. She watched him disappear as more tears fell, and grabbing the tissues, she cursed at herself as she tried to reject the image of Baekhyun smiling at her out of her mind. 

Gyuri observed the things on the table, and she felt her mouth watering as she imagined the sweetness of the strawberry ice cream on her tongue and the sugar easing up the growing curse on her chest. She desperately wanted Baekhyun to be by her side. She wanted him to bring those things and take care of her. However, as fast as those tears fell from her eyes, a darker and more twisted thought took over her. She wouldn’t be in a such predicament if Baekhyun cared about her in the first place. If he loved her, she wouldn’t have to fight the primal urge to gulp down that strawberry ice cream to relieve the ache at the core of her heart. She wouldn’t be crying by herself in a stranger’s house that took pity on her, wondering how it would feel to have the man she loved so damn much wrap his arms around her to comfort her.

There were ways to relieve the pain. That much she had learned from Kyungsoo. She reminded herself of that truth. She had tools on her own, she told herself. Gyuri slowly regained control over her emotions, swallowed the hangover pills, and reached for the strawberry parfait. It was homemade. Kyungsoo must have made it himself, and whatever was on her making her lose her wits so easily backed away. She might not have Baekhyun by her side, but there was someone who at least cared enough to make her a cup of natural strawberry ice cream. Sitting back comfortably on the chair, Gyuri dug into the cup. She felt her body relax almost instantly as the sweetness soothed the desperation that took over her so suddenly, and finished the whole thing in no time. 

Gyuri lost track of time, seated in the peaceful garden, thinking about nothing and a million things at the same time. The sun started to fall. The day was ending, and countless birds were settling on the nearest trees on the other side of the fence. She basked in the moment as the beautiful harmony of countless chirps and songs filled the air around her. Then, she heard the voices of her hosts at the front of the cabin and knew that the time on her own also came to an end.

***

“Are you ready to have some delicious meat?” Anna greeted her with a wide smile.  

Gyuri was still at the threshold when Anna reached for her hand to pull her along. She looked at the woman, excitedly going over all the food and snacks they had ready for dinner, and Gyuri glanced over where Kyungsoo was standing in the kitchen. He was chuckling at whatever Anna was babbling about, and then their eyes met. She saw his expression change from amused to a disarmingly gentle smile that made everything make sense. Gyuri felt herself blush at the realization and listened to every instruction with the utmost attention. She shoved her latest breakdown into the deepest parts of herself and focused entirely on enjoying her time. She deserved it. She desperately wanted it. She needed it.

An overnight campfire.

They planned an overnight campfire in the garden to watch the sunrise, and Gyuri struggled to keep the tears at bay. Before she could succumb to the wave of emotions again, she set herself in motion, letting the excitement and happiness infuse her entire body with energy. She helped Anna to set up everything on the low table on the deck as Minseok worked on the grill next to it. Gyuri took a moment to observe the couple settle everything perfectly for their night, most likely, oblivious about the reason behind it all. If she wasn’t already so enchanted by how nicely they welcomed her into their life without any reservations, she for sure felt an immense amount of affection for them.

Not long after, Gyuri found herself genuinely enjoying the moment. She was seated at the wooden deck, with a can of carbonated juice in her hands, and sharing chips with Anna as Kyungsoo grilled the meat with Minseok assisting him in whatever he needed. As if Gyuri wasn't a new acquaintance but a long-time friend just catching up with their latest shenanigans, Minseok kept telling funny stories of their adventures together. She almost choked on a snack when Minseok told the story of one of their cookouts during a winter night and how the wind blew the meat off the grill. She laughed out loud, clearing up her throat when she noticed the change. The air was heavy and still, and looking up at the sky, she couldn't help but say it out loud.

"It will rain soon."

"What? No." Anna added, looking up at the open sky as well. "I checked the weather and the probability of rain was super low today."

Suddenly aware that the good mood dipped, Gyuri scolded herself for making everyone look up at the sky for the signs of rain as she announced. She wanted to hide in embarrassment for ruining such a moment and braced herself for the weirded-out stares or something of that sort. However, not dwelling too much on the comment like her anxiety convinced her they would, her hosts resumed their conversations, and Gyuri let out a sigh of relief. She looked over where Kyungsoo was by the grill and observed him still looking up at the sky. He found her stare and looked at her with a glint of curiosity and fascination that made her blush. Gyuri wished she was drinking beer so she could blame the alcohol but her internal babbling was interrupted by the unmistakable smell of wet soil. That distinctive scent of the first droplets of rain reached her nose, and before she could say something, Anna gasped next to her.

"Did you feel that?" She asked, looking up and wiping something off her cheek.

There was no warning. After a few droplets here and there, rain poured down cold and heavy. Anna cursed, jumping off the deck. Minseok giggled as he ran away but went back for his girlfriend as Kyungsoo grabbed as many pieces of meat off the grill. Smiling to herself as the raindrops hit her head like marbles, Gyuri gathered as many things as she could from the table and ran to the cabin.

Gyuri just could not tell if she was crying from laughing too much or if her face was wet from the rain. She was on her way out of the cabin to help rescue the rest of the food when she slipped on a wet spot and went sprawling to the floor. She burst into laughter and heard Anna cursing and laughing as she slipped on the wet floor as well, and then, deep giggles and a beautiful smile were the only things she was aware of. Kyungsoo reached out to her, holding her with his strong grip and helping her up. He asked her if she was alright and unable to stop the giggles erupting from her chest, Gyuri nodded. 

The amusement of the situation faded away when Gyuri felt him closer. Holding her breath because of his closeness, she looked away when he wrapped an arm around her waist to help her stay steady and away from the wet spots on the floor.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked, finally letting her go.

Still flabbergasted by the gesture, Gyuri nodded. Kyungsoo meant to go out and bring more stuff to the cabin when Minseok came in, almost slipping on the same wet spot Gyuri fell.

"Don't, there is no point going out," he said as he gave Kyungsoo whatever he managed to save from the rain, "everything is soaked by now, including the coal so we can't use the grill anymore."

No one seemed upset by the news. Still giggling to themselves, they all reunited by the kitchen island, dripping wet and shivering. Minseok laughed, grabbing a bowl filled with soggy chips. He asked who was the genius that brought it in instead of anything else more worth saving when his girlfriend cursed at him. 

"Those are my favorite chips," Anna said, snatching the bowl off his hands.

"Alright love," He said, winking at her, "I'll let off the hook because of that."

Anna made a face at her boyfriend, and as the oldest in the group, Minseok wasted no time organizing everyone with a glint of determination in his eyes that gave Gyuri chills. So far, Kim Minseok had behaved so ordinarily normal that she kept forgetting that he was the force behind the biggest editorial powerhouse in the country.

"We won't let that meat go to waste." He said as a matter of fact. 

And just like that, he put everyone to work. Anna cleaned the floor as he and Kyungsoo dried everything up in the kitchen, leaving Gyuri with the only task of changing into warm clothes and drying her hair so she wouldn't get sick. As the youngest, Gyuri couldn't do otherwise and sheepishly went to her room to do as told. by the time she was back, the floor was clean, and Anna had retired to her room to change her clothes as well.

Gyuri came to the kitchen, hopeful that either Minseok or Kyungsoo would let her take over what they were doing. Minseok looked over at Kyungsoo, and with a smirk, he told Gyuri what to do and left the room. She was drying up the lettuce leaves and putting them in another bowl when she felt Kyungsoo looking at her.

"I don't think I've heard you laugh before." He said, but when she looked at him, he was already turning around to season the meat on the counter.

"The whole thing was funny."

"You should laugh more," he said, pausing to look at her, "You look prettier when you do."

Gyuri went silent. She knew she should feel her cheeks flaring, but what she was feeling was far from that. It wasn't a burning embarrassment that would force anyone to recoil and hide. What she felt was a comfortable warmth that spread across her limbs and only managed to make her smile more. In a way, she even wanted to hear him say that once again. 

"How on earth did you know it would rain?" Anna said, coming in and breaking the spell between them, “What are the odds of getting a storm out of nowhere?” 

“You said it wouldn’t rain,” Minseok said as he came after Anna, still rustling his wet hair with a towel.

“The forecast said it!” Anna said as she stared at the pouring rain falling outside the cabin. “Unbelievable! What a bunch of liars.”

Gyuri stayed quiet, smiling as Minseok relieved her of the kitchen duties and sent her to relax next to his girlfriend on the couch. She neither complained nor dared to say anything about the rain, considering how baffled her new friend was. It didn't take long for her and Anna to be snuggled under cozy blankets in the living room as the guys prepared dinner. Kyungsoo focused on grilling the meat while Minseok prepared the drinks. No matter how much Anna insisted on helping in the kitchen, the editor refused.

“Well, not gonna lie,” Anna said as she took a sip of her beer, “This is nice.”

“That’s because you’re not moving, darling.” Minseok retorted, giving Gyuri a cup of hot punch.

She gave tiny sips at her drink as Anna talked and talked about everything she had found to love about being back in her homeland until it eventually stopped pouring outside. Minseok and Kyungsoo joined them with their food and found themselves talking the night away as the pitter-patter of the rain enveloped them in a comfortable atmosphere. Although, as nice as it was, something was looming over them. Gyuri noticed the quick and worried glances her hosts threw outside. Anna, in particular, kept looking through the windows with furrowed brows, but it seemed like the sky wasn't over with its wet tirade. Gyuri checked the time and realized what kept them so distracted. The sky wasn't clearing up enough to see the sunrise, and the worst part was that it would never clear up. They all moved to the porch where Minseok and Anna stopped pretending, staring at the landscape around them, whispering about how bad their luck must've been to get such rainfall when they needed a clear sky. As time went by, it was certain the rain outside would not stop.

The sunrise never came. 

They all waited in silence, looking at the horizon as if by some miracle, the clouds would move away to let the sunlight shine through but it never happened. Anna was the first to give up, turning to Gyuri, and blatantly stared at her as if she could see the deepest parts of her soul. Gyuri recoiled under her eyes and meant to ask if there was a problem, but she barely managed to let out a squeak.

“Are you drunk?” Anna asked instead, and Gyuri shook her head. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not getting that drunk ever again,” Gyuri muttered, feeling her cheeks burning, which only made everyone chuckle.

“Nah, I just need you to be sober enough so I can sleep with my boyfriend.” She said so unceremoniously that Gyuri panicked for a second.

She looked around, expecting to see scandalized expressions from the guys, but all she got was an excited smile from the editor. Kyungsoo seemed particularly unfazed by the comment. 

“Have a good sleep,” Gyuri replied with an unsure inflection in her voice. 

With a playful wink, Anna kissed her forehead and left the porch, closely followed by a skipping Minseok that looked ten years younger than his actual age. Gyuri simply watched them disappear inside the cabin, leaving her and the writer alone. She noticed the shift in the atmosphere. She would welcome the silence, the freedom to stay quiet in his presence. Now, there were so many things she wanted to say. She needed to apologize first and foremost, but whenever she tried to bring a word out of her mouth, she didn’t even know how to begin. Gyuri cursed because that awkwardness was created by herself and her alone.

"It didn't go as planned." Kyungsoo said after a while, his eyes still locked on the horizon, "I'm sorry."

Gyuri looked at him, baffled. He had nothing to apologize for, so she forced it out of herself. If there was a moment when she needed to throw her shyness aside, that was the moment, and by no means she wanted to miss the chance.

"Hang out with my friends all night long to watch the sunrise together." Gyuri said wish number four out loud, "I say this counts as a completed wish."

"Are you sure?" He asked. "We can try again some other day." 

"Thank you."

Gyuri whispered, looking at him as the notion weighed on her in a way she was not prepared for. She desperately wanted to express herself better, to convey what she felt but found herself as if under the spell of his kind smile, she just could not find the right words.

"I'll go to bed," she said instead.

With her face now feeling like it was burning in embarrassment, Gyuri left the porch before Kyungsoo could do anything that would make herself embarrassed any further. She let out a sigh, weighted with tension, and reached her room without any incidents. Feeling suddenly exhausted and confused, she laid down and stared at the wooden ceiling above her, wondering if what she was feeling was normal or not. She couldn’t tell anymore. Her stomach moved weirdly inside her body, and she rubbed her tummy as if that could ease the sensation. It didn’t. Whatever it was, it kept moving around, and she did not like the feeling. 

Not knowing what else to do, she went to the bathroom and took a deep breath before lifting the toilet’s lit. She leaned forward, not dwelling too much on it, and stared at the white toilet bowl. For a second, she didn’t know what to expect. She just followed her gut, and as she observed the impassive water, her body finally reacted. She wouldn’t be able to stop it even if she tried. Nothing hurt, and there was no warning. Gyuri felt the warmth coming up her system and then red pouring out of her mouth. There were no gag reflexes, no battling against the curse, and more strangely, no pain. No burning. Nothing was tearing her skin apart.

Gyuri felt her eyes watering, and the moment the flow of flower petals stopped, she stood up straight. She cursed under her breath, taking in as much air as she could into her lungs when her stomach churned again. She almost missed the toilet, spilling her stomach juices over the edge. The sight of the slimy dark-red contents of her stomach sent her into a state of desperation. All she could feel was the panic taking over as tears finally ran down her face. She fell to her knees when the flower petals stopped, and gripping for dear life to the toilet, she tried to take a deep breath, but as if that was a sign for her body to react, her stomach contracted, and she threw up again and again.

After what felt like an eternity, and as suddenly as it started, her body stopped shivering, and her stomach settled. Relieved to have a break, Gyuri backed away from the toilet and closed her eyes, trying to regain some of her self-control by counting. She was good at that, and she held unto that fact. She started from a hundred as she whipped the snot off her face, and by the time she reached the fifties, she had calmed down enough to rub the tears off her eyes as well. 

“Fifty-one.” She muttered to herself.

Gyuri looked around the bathroom, and her entire body trembled. There wasn’t that much of a mess as in her previous episodes, but seeing the red bile dripping from the toilet and spreading across the floor was too much for her to handle. She felt her stomach revolving again, and in a desperate effort to stop, she covered her mouth. 

“Fifty.”

She froze on the spot. 

“You have to keep counting.” Kyungsoo said, from the other side of the door, “forty-nine.”

Gyuri had stopped breathing by that point. She was too embarrassed and scared to react, even if she felt her chest about to explode.

“Forty-eight.” He said, despite her silence, “What’s next?”

“Go away,” She managed to gasp, but her body contracted again the moment she did that.

“Forty-seven.” He said instead.

Feeling more tears rolling down her face, she choked on her own words, unable to breathe and control the spam on her body.

“Gyuri, you can’t stop.” Kyungsoo ordered, even though his tone was gentle, “Forty-six.”

“For…” Gyuri tried even if it hurt her throat, “...ty…”

“Five.” He finished for her. “Forty…”

“F-four.”

“What’s next?” Kyungsoo asked, and he had never sounded so close and so calm. 

Gyuri closed her eyes and took a deep breath once again, hoping she could manage to gather herself together. She tried to focus on the cadence of his voice. She visualized him sitting next to her, close enough for her to feel the rhythm of his breathing so she could follow.

“Three,” She mumbled, reminding herself to exhale as much as she could, “Forty-three.”

“Keep going.” He added, and even though he couldn’t see her, Gyuri nodded before taking a deep breath.

“Forty-two.” She exhaled.

Gyuri heard him hum, and that little sound was enough for her to keep going. She kept counting, one number after the other, as she took deep breaths, filling her lungs with oxygen.

By the time she whispered number one, she was fully calmed, albeit exhausted. However, despite the tiredness, Gyuri reached for the handle and pulled the door open to find the writer sitting on the floor by the door. The light was off, which meant he had been sitting in the dark, talking to her through the door, and there were many things she wanted to tell him, but they just sat there in silence.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." She whispered after a while, "I was angry when I said that. I just don't know what is happening to me. This damned thing is making me…" She said, choking on her words, suddenly upset, "I feel like I'm losing my mind all the time."

Kyungsoo turned his head toward her, acknowledging her words but kept his eyes on the blackness of the dark room. He remained silent, as usual. His nonjudgemental silence gave her a chance to order her thoughts.

"I guess I was upset about what you said," Gyuri said, closing her eyes so she wouldn't shy away from what she needed to say.

"I shouldn't have."

"You had to," Gyuri added, pulling herself together, "You give me clarity, not just about what is happening inside me but in everything else, and I think that's why I got so angry when you just pointed out something I'm trying to ignore. Sometimes we all need to be called out on our crap." She explained, finally looking at him, "I'm sorry."

The writer nodded, accepting the apology, and when he finally moved to look at her, Gyuri saw nothing coming out of his eyes and wondered if it had to do with the darkness around him.

“He’s lucky that you love him." 

"Is he though? He didn’t even do anything.” Gyuri mumbled, realizing just how ridiculous the situation was. “He was just being his dumb self, my best friend, and I was stupid enough to fall for him.”

Gyuri found herself smiling at the idea. She smiled at the knowledge of how easy it was to fall for someone that felt so comfortable with her presence and lost herself imagining how different things could be if Baekhyun saw her as something more than a friend. She stopped before her imagination took over and found the writer was observing her. His eyes moved all over her face as if looking for something, and the attention made her realize she might have looked horrible and disgusting. Gyuri looked away, but all she could see was the aftermath of her miserable situation. She tried to get up, although her legs barely worked. Kyungsoo was next to her in the blink of an eye, helping her up. Too conscious of her state and the disgust she felt oozing off her skin, she covered her face, hiding the traces of what came out of her insides, and looked around the small bathroom for a hairband but was still too dazed to know for sure where to look. 

"I got it," Kyungsoo said, coming closer.

Stunned, or maybe still a bit hungover, dizzy, or even excited, Gyuri stayed still, looking at him through the reflection of the mirror as he brushed his fingers through her hair, pulling it all back. He didn't have to say anything. He gave her a nod, and Gyuri just followed the indication in silence.

She washed her mouth and then, on an impulse, her entire face and suddenly feeling beyond filthy, her neck all the while, the writer kept her hair from falling over her damped skin. Once done, she leaned back to find him looking at her, and Gyuri didn't know what to do next under his gaze. 

Kyungsoo finally let her hair fall to reach for a towel and hesitated before giving it to her. Too many different thoughts crossed her mind as she stood before him, holding the towel close to her chest and unable to move. Time slowed down to the point of stopping altogether, except for him and his figure coming closer and closer. His arm reached out for her, and she watched him leaning closer. All Gyuri could do was admire him, getting so close she thought could feel his heartbeat in the air around him.

His fingers never touched her skin, although she desperately wanted him to. She saw his hand brushing her hair, and instead of putting the strands behind her ear, she felt the subtle tug. She jolted at the sensation, only to notice that Kyungsoo pulled a dried flower petal off her hair. They stared at the deep red smudged petal breaking under the pressure of his fingers, and whatever excitement she felt was suddenly crushed just as easily as that petal. 

"I'll clean the rest." He whispered, dropping his arm.

Kyungsoo got himself out of the way, and feeling too hot, Gyuri practically bolted out of the stuffy bathroom. It was still raining outside, not as hard, but soft enough to calm her nerves. Gyuri wanted, desperately, to step out into the open and let the cold raindrops suffocate the fire she felt on her skin.

No one had ever looked at her like that. She replayed the moment in her mind and she wasn't even sure if she saw what she thought she saw. All she could think of was the intense look in his eyes, the sensation of his fingertips gracing the skin on the back of her neck, and the closeness… especially the closeness. He was so close she could see the stubble on his chin, the faint blemishes on his cheeks, and his wild brows. His lips. Gyuri had to close her eyes and breathe in and out, but too bothered by the thought, she let her arm out in the rain and let the towel dampen until she felt the frozen water droplets start trickling down her arm. 

Frustrated with herself, she wrung out the towel desperately and draped it over her face as if that could take the confusion away, but of course, it didn’t work. It only managed to clear her thoughts, and snapped her back to whatever happened the night before. She must’ve said something. There was no explanation as to why Kyungsoo would lean over so close to her. He just wouldn't do that. She refused to believe that. 

She remembered fragments of it. She could recall the same closeness that had her reduced to a bundle of nerves and the urge to say something important. There was something she wanted to tell Kyungsoo, and she could remember him asking about it. His expression shifted at the question, and his eyes stared straight into hers with a hopeful glint. He might've even been smiling a little bit, and his voice rang with a sudden expectation.

"Do you?"

[ghostwriterofthemachine]

10 for the writing ask game!

Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

HM okay. The easy answer to the first question is "House of Leaves," which I actually had dreams about for like 3 weeks after I finished reading it, and the whole narrative resists any kind of closure so you really just need to. linger on what you have and think about it over and over again, trying to find an answers. But in some ways I kinda think everything you read which really makes you feel haunts you, in the way that anything that stays with you haunts you.

As for my own writing....well. One time I wrote a very vent-y, angry poem working out some feelings about someone who hurt me very badly. Within that poem is a line which contains the cruelest thing I have every said about anyone. No one is very going to see that poem, and I don't look at it very often either, but knowing that emotional moment is in me is something that sits with me in a kinda uncomfortable way.

Thank you for the ask! :D [weird writer ask game here]

[i-am-thornqueen]

I've been through three possible starter drafts of chapter 11 for The Monsters of Paris and I've hit a bit of a wall, so I'm going to ramble a bit below the cut to get some random thoughts out.

Been thinking about things. Overthinking other things. Making myself cry. You know, normal writer stuff.

Right now, I've been thinking about Plagg. I don't know if I'll go into full detail in the story why Plagg absolutely despises demons and forbids all low-beings from approaching his holders, so I guess I could say something here.

Plagg is the honorary King of Demons in the story, and once upon a time he loved the title. He took pleasure in being King, particularly because he enjoyed the largest following compared to other kwami - the most followers, the most diverse followers - and he could rub that fact in everyone else's faces. His love for demons and dark creatures went as far as to let some of them slip through the cracks when he should have been destroying them properly. Past holders had difficulty forcing him to fight demons.

That's very different from present day of the story, where Plagg despises low-beings. He hates demons.

The reason he hates them now is kind of sad.

We've already met Prince Ophelia, the demon Prince of Destruction who devoured Lord Plague's heart. Plagg had been bound to Lord Plagg the entire time his holder had been mad with rage and grief. Plagg had been forced to feel everything while Lord Plague was being eaten alive from the inside out. If pain and suffering had been the only things inflicted, Plagg might have been able to bring himself to forgive, or at the very least accept, what had happened as natural - demons are, after all, naturally occurring parasites designed to eat away at the most toxic traits of humanity to prevent them from spreading out of control and infecting others. They are, in essence, necessary evils.

But Prince Ophelia is a Prince, meaning she had eaten the entirety of Lord Plague's heart. He died. Thanks to her, he's dead dead.

Plagg is a god. He knows that every single human he chooses to be his champion will die. There are no exceptions. As a kwami, Plagg will never pass on into an afterlife. His existence is tied to the universe itself - he will exist for as long as the universe exists, and he will cease to exist when the universe finally goes dark. Although it hurts every time he loses one of his champions, he usually takes comfort in the idea that his champions will continue to exist elsewhere after their life on Earth is expired. Somehow. Someway. They are elsewhere in a place he cannot reach. Cannot see them. Touch them. Speak with them. But they are there, and that's enough.

Except Lord Plague.

Prince Ophelia ate his heart. When Lord Plague died, there was nothing left to pass on. He simply ceased to exist. No afterlife, no peace. No hope that Plagg could hold on to that his champion was out there somewhere. Just nothingness.

That loss has festered with Plagg for centuries, growing into hate for demons and low-beings, especially for Prince Ophelia and everything she represents to him. She's the cruelest thing of all - Plagg can't kill her, because killing her would destroy the last vestige of Lord Plague left in the world, but every moment that she continues to exist is a reminder of what she took from Plagg...

So, Plagg is forced to continue being the King of Demons to subjects he now despises while holding on to a festering eternal hatred for demons he has no intention of ever letting go.

Yeah, so that's what I've been musing about lately. Background stuff. I doubt that I'll ever go into detail about this in the story, so it's nice to expand on these little background points here. I feel like it rounds out Plagg as a character a little more. ^_^

[chounaifu]

Talking with writers outside of the written roleplay community is something that I do frequently; I'm in a small social circle of people who write a variety of genres, and range from self-published, classically published, and those who choose to not get published at all.

Not too long ago, we were talking about topics and tropes that we struggle to write, ones that we simply do not enjoy, and ones that we do not include in our writing at all.

We went around and took turns explaining our disliked tropes and such, and when it was my turn, I spoke about one that I've REALLY, REALLY struggled with: Love Redeems, or really, any scenario where a character or plot is "saved" by love.

I struggle to write this because, frankly, it is a trope that I do not enjoy playing with, and one that is beyond worn out in my eyes. It makes me cynical. It takes otherwise complex characters and boils them into something unrecognizable most of the time. (These are my opinions of course. More power to you if that is a trope that you enjoy, but I can't really adhere it to anything that I write.) It's especially hard to work with this trope as someone who is primarily a villain writer.

Fortunately, my writing partners are on the same page with me on this one, and are here for the ride. In the past, however, I've had to either soften up and write characters out of character in order to appease this trope, for the sake of pleasing people. I intend on never doing that again.

Proton's character, especially, is not one that is going to be "redeemed" by "love." He's an extremely complicated character, with layers of generational trauma and mental illness that contributes to him being the "cruelest" of his organization. There are absolutely no circumstances where I can imagine him becoming well-adjusted, "normal" or easy to be around.

A warm embrace and words of affirmation will make him bristle before it ever calms him down (for these are unfamiliar and triggering). Gentleness will bring out the snake's fangs (it feels like a trap). And who could ever relate to him? Even his fellow criminals are uneasy around Proton.

This is not a man that is going to renounce his life as a criminal in order to live a happily ever after. This is not the man that is going to look into the eyes of a child and see himself, and decide to turn away from villainy.

This is, however, the man that is going to be selfish, and think that "this is just how life is." His morals are rotten. His attitude is self-serving. His loyalty runs deep. He is an ouroboros eating himself over and over and over again, and is cursed to do as such. Proton is meant to represent humanity's capacity for being cruel, wretched, and evil. He is the byproduct of generational trauma, religious trauma, financial trauma and the alarming lack of mental health treatments for men. To change that is to change his character, and make him no longer Proton.

People are free to love him. People are free to look at him fondly. But those who do should always be aware that he is not looking back at them with that same sane adoration; Proton is looking back with greedy, serpent eyes, always putting himself first, and trying to gather up as much information about the unfortunate person who has decided that he is likable. He's unstable. He's unpredictable. He will be your best friend one day, and then the next day, he will be the one kicking you into a hole to bury you alive. He will say "I love you", but is this something he truly understands?

"I love you" and "I hate you" are just friendly neighbors in his psychology. They evoke strong emotions, dopamine, and that's how he operates.

Say, perhaps, he does have the capacity to love. It's still not going to come from a place of gentleness and normality. It's going to be possessive, it's going to be toxic, and it's going to grind the victim to the bone, unless they are prepared to meet his unhinged behavior with their own insanity.

He's not a gentle man. He's not a loving man. He is a loyal one, yes, an intense dog of the underworld who knows how to follow through on a command, but he's kept on a tight leash by his superior for a reason.

And while I think he DOES have the capacity to be a "better" person, I don't think he will ever be a "good" person. Morally gray, perhaps, but he's still never going to be the type of person you want to trust with your children. Anybody who thinks otherwise? They've been successfully manipulated by the repo man.

I prefer writing this way, rather than falling into tropes that don't appeal to me. It makes for a more satisfying storytelling experience on my end. There are, absolutely, characters that I write who will be able to go on entire self-discovery journeys and find themselves healed by the care and acceptance of others-- but not every character that I write fits that scenario. Love is not going to redeem my villains. Love will, however, twist them further, and that makes for a fun time when writing with me.

[actingwithportals]

17, 30, 45

17: what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

Oh wow, that's tough. I don't think I could decide so I'll just pull one of my favorites out of some of the most recent stuff I've written.

(Taken from the fic I wrote for the Outer Wilds zine, so warning about Outer Wilds spoilers below. This is more than a line but it was hard to pull out a single line without giving context of a whole section, so uh. Here ya go lol)

Back then, you’d taken Feldspar for a dreamer. A romantic who maybe spent a little too much time staying up late with Gneiss, drinking sap wine and waxing philosophical about why it is we sing. Then one day, you found yourself angled towards a morning sky dominated by the swirling storms of Giant’s Deep, signalscope in hand, and a harmonica buzzing alongside radio static as its tune traveled to meet you from a thousand kilometers away.

Maybe the stars themselves didn’t sing, but Feldspar did. They did until more voices couldn’t help but join in too, until the whole night sky was alight with that one constant melody. You never stopped watching it, never stopped listening, just in case those stars eventually decided to sing back.

And one day, one did. With a voice that rang louder than the sturdiest of strings, a rhythm more stalwart than the deepest of lungs.

When your sun erupts for the first time, when its outer shell of smoldering red burns away as it collapses into glinting fractals of blue brighter than the clearest waters which sizzle and snap in its oncoming wake, it is not merely a sound that rushes over you.

It’s a song, and it is in this moment you realize you’ve only just now understood what a song can truly be.

So, naturally, you ask the universe to play it again.

30: most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

Something considerably smaller than the quote I posted above, but there's a particular song lyric that's been rattling around in my head and kinda fueling inspiration for my current wip.

(This is taken from the Finale of the Hunchback of Notre Dame musical. To this day hearing this verse always breaks me a little, even after first hearing it some six years ago now.)

The world is cruel, the world is ugly

But there are times and there are people when the world is not

And at its cruelest it's still the only world we've got

Light and dark

Foul and fair

Out there

Okay but actually I gotta add one more here because I just remembered a quote a buddy of mine said some time ago that has also just left me completely floored even months later. (Quote is from @the-rockers)

To experience something for the first time is not inherently sacred.

45: name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

So many difficult things to pick in this one lol. In no particular order, @thehobblefootalchemist, @grollow, @vivifrage

[horizon-verizon]

Show Aemond seems to be a self-insert character by the writers like how they villainized Viserys , Aegon And rhaenyra's children just to make Aemond a poor mew mew victim who couldn't has a dragon and thus get bullied "mercilessly" because of it. When in truth Aegon will never side with the velaryons kids to bully his brother and rhaenyra's kids were actually the victims of Aemond not the way around. it's actually like making ramsay a victim of theon and jayne pool . I mean Aemond is one of the cruelest , most bloodthirsty and misgonystic targaryens out there , what Ryan really saw in Aemond in the book ? To try so hard to make him the poor outcast and abused victim in the show (when it was Child!Rhaenyra in the book). Only for him to fail since he gave Aemond a bullied incel to school shooter arc , because aside from greens spaces I don't think the general audience care that much about him or even like him since so many of them cheered when he lost his eye . And what Ryan failed to understand is the fact that Aemond has been created solely to be Daemon's foil , so everything that is related to aemond (his characterization, his role in narrative , his death and even his name) all based on him being Daemon's foil . So no amount of whitewashing they will do with Aemond , he will never ever be jon snow-type of a character. And i wonder how they will portray his riverland arc ? Judging by what they did in storm's end, probably they will make him Vhaegar's bitch and put all the blame on her being "wild" and "uncontrollable"

"will make him Vhagar's bitch"

Anon, you kill me.

I don't think Show!Aemond is a self insert since I don't see anything of Ryan Condal or any of the writers in him. He's given less accountability or reason, but with Aemond's writing I think it's less personal or self-replicating (as a self insert or author surrogate requires) and more misogyny.

If there was any character that Condal (him alone) most sympathizes with and unconsciously wished us to empathize with, I think it is Viserys by the way he explained episode 8, how Viserys' POV has been the more shown or emphasized in some of the more well-known parts of the episodes starting from Aemma's death and labors, how Viserys turned into this overemphasized Jesus figure who hasn't enabled his daughter's suffering, and how he talked about the children "messing up" the "peace" the adults were trying for for years.