#crowley's emotional meltdown

[cobragardens]

A Meta on Crowley's Miracle Meltdown

gif by phaxxion via Tenor

What exactly is happening in this moment? Why is it happening? Why is it included in this story?

I don't mean "Why does Crowley have a frustration meltdown after a huge argument with his partner about helping their former abuser Jeff Bezos?" We've all been there. But not all of us discharge a huge bolt of red infernal energy when we lose our temper, and more to the point, Crowley doesn't usually do that either. What gives?

And, as ixi of Fuck Yeah Good Omens asks and illustrates, why does some of the infernal energy Crowley discharges travel sideways into Give Me Coffee?

Here's my proposal for answers to these questions.

Insofar as angels and demons were created expressly for the purpose of channeling miracle, maybe to angelic stock refraining from miracles is a bit like holding one's breath is to a human. Human bodies move air in and through and out of themselves as an automatic process. They can refrain from that process, but because breathing is the default, refraining takes a positive sustained effort.

And if you're holding your breath when someone punches you hard in the gut, you don't just lose track of holding your breath, you gasp, you make sounds, you breathe hard. You move a lot of air through your respiratory system for a few seconds until you regain your equilibrium.

Since coming to "a sort of generalised understanding" with Hell, Crowley hasn't been doing many miracles. Aziraphale says he thinks Heaven would notice if he "performed even a minor miracle," and Crowley agrees, "I don't want Hell taking an interest either"; this implies that they've both been trying to keep their miracle usage minimal. (From his continued abuse of London's traffic lights we can infer that Crowley, as usual, has somewhat more latitude in this regard than does Aziraphale.) But he's so freaked out by the appearance of Jeff Bezos Jimbriel and so angry about Aziraphale's line-in-the-sand insistence that the two of them help Jim instead of protecting themselves that Crowley feels approaching a loss of the ability to hold his breath, miraculously speaking.

So before he accidentally curses the bookshop, he goes out into the street away from everyone and tries to get control of himself. If he's not successful, then he's at least away from everyone and able to discharge miracle into the sky where it can dissipate, just like the spiritual smog of evil produced by the M25 dissipates without affecting any one person or thing.

Crowley channels the miracle into the form of lightning, but Crowley's lightning behaves like miracle, not like lightning. Lightning is a huge shock of static electricity, i.e., the sudden mass movement of positively and negatively charged ions toward each other; it does not come up through a person's body from Hell, and it doesn't damage mobile phones.

It takes a direct lightning strike to damage a mobile phone, and when that happens it doesn't just fry the phone, it burns it. An arc of circuit electricity strong enough to fry an unplugged mobile phone would be strong enough to shock and burn the person holding it as well. Nina and Maggie both have their phones on them when the lightning hits Give Me Coffee, but neither woman gets struck by lightning or electrocuted. Their phones get bricked because that is how Crowley thinks lightning works and therefore his lightning works that way.

And it is for this same reason that the "lightning" Crowley puts out hits Give Me Coffee: because it's not lightning, it's miracle. Miracle depends on the miracledoer's familiarity with the thing the miracle is acting upon.

When Crowley has his frustrationgasm, he doesn't have perfect control over where he's aiming miracle in that moment and/or he's concentrating on keeping it away from the bookshop and Aziraphale and the Bentley, so a tongue of miraculous "lightning" (which behaves the way Crowley thinks lightning behaves) slips sideways towards the next most familiar thing on the street to him: Nina's coffee shop. Crowley went there just a few minutes before this scene.

As far as I can tell, this moment serves two functions in the story. Firstly, as many others have pointed out, it establishes the color of Crowley's miracle to be red (continuing the motif of red as the color that represents him) in order to indicate the importance of the Supreme Archangel's purple and the purple of the miracle plume Crowley and Aziraphale's joint miracle produced.

But maybe it's also included because it explicitly establishes a mechanic we see repeated on a smaller scale in 1827: that an angel or a demon's control of the miraculous power they channel isn't always perfect. It can slip if they get really upset.

[fru1typunch]

I don't mean this in a sadistic way, I mean this in a "I'm like actually concerned for them both but especially Aziraphale way"; I NEED to see Aziraphale just kinda break down in season three. Ugly crying and yelling and just letting his emotions out. They both deserve that, but looking at episode six, it's just like...he was trying to cry the whole confession and was interrupted by the kiss, and then the Metatron immediately taking him away. He NEEDS to cry. I'm sure Crowley will be taking a note from Nina's book (go home to an empty flat, drink himself silly, and have a good cry), but when does Aziraphale get a chance to freely feel all these pent up emotions? Poor thing has shut down by the time he's reached the elevator. He won't ever be allowed to feel it all in heaven. He's holding in some very very big feels, I wanna see him explode, have a full on meltdown, and I want him to know he can come "home" to Crowley after feeling it all. He's been repressing and I'm scared for him if it goes on like this. Maybe it's just cuz I'm autistic, but I just look at these scenes and feel so angry for him, he's having such big emotions and isn't allowed to express them. If I was going through that, I'd be having that meltdown before the kiss even happened, I hurt for him because I can see that repressed pain in his face.

Like just look at this shit. He deserves a good hard cry after all this. Hope he'll be okay.

[hikarry]

Aziraphale and Crowley are a mirror of one another.

Angel/Demon

Gentle/Hard

Trusting/Distrust

Book Smart/Street Smart

I could go on, but I want to focus on this: Rational/Emotional

Through both seasons, we can see a clear line between Aziraphale and Crowley

Aziraphale wanting to speak with Heaven before agreeing with Crowley's plan to stop Armageddon. Keeping the information about the Anti-Christ to himself. Helping Gabriel. Going back to Heaven. All those decisions were made on a rational basis. Aziraphale's own version of rational, surely, but rational nonetheless. It makes absolutely sense in his head, and those decisions are not based on emotions but the facts he has at the moment.

Crowley, on the other hand, has a tendency to lash out and let his emotions take the wheel when it comes to making decisions or in his life in general, really. His constant offers to run away together. His decision to give up on stopping Armageddon when Aziraphale supposedly died in the fire. His outburst when he refused to help Aziraphale with Gabriel. The kiss. All those were emotional responses.

While Aziraphale is more cold and calculated, Crowley is a bundle of emotions and a mess of feelings. Sure, sometimes Aziraphale is emotional (aka in the Apocalypse when he begs Crowley to come up with a solution or else-) and Crowley can be rational (aka telling Aziraphale that speaking to his superiors won't stop shit because the Almighty isn't speaking to anyone), but that's not their default.

This is yet another way they balance each other. Aziraphale keeps Crowley grounded, and Crowley gives Aziraphale some liberty to feel.

Hell, for example, when Armageddon is starting, Crowley is a bit too busy having a meltdown over the Bentley until Aziraphale snaps him out of it and brings him back to reason.

But this is also the reason behind most of their fights:

The proposal of the Arrangement.

The Holy Water situation in 1800s.

The bandstand.

The street in front of the bookshop.

The backroom.

The whole Metraton business.

In all those situations, we watch Aziraphale's rationality and Crowley's emotions clashing because, when it comes to important decisions, they don't speak the same language. They are in different wave lengths. And until they find the middle ground, they will never be able to communicate.

[neurolady]

My current obsession is "Where is Crowley’s mind at!"

I know disaster puppy and all, he's definitely a mess (both of them are), but how is that gonna manifest!

Aziraphale's is going to suck it up! He's going to have to! He's just been marched into the lion's den and forced to leave his sheild on Earth. He probably won't have much space to process before being chucked into Heaven's machinations. His process is going to be about holding it together while trying to figure out what Heaven is up to? And as far as him understanding Crowley's decision, I don't think he has as far to go as Crowley does in understanding his!

Crowley, on the other hand, has got space to wallow. I mean, REALLY, just get all up in his feelings! There really is nothing keeping him afloat right now. We've seen him wallow before, but this might actually be worse. Of course, he was devastated when he thought Aziraphale was dead. That, however, definitely wasn't Aziraphale's choice. In Crowley's mind right now, Aziraphale chose Heaven over him. With the final outcome, pretty much the same (at least he likely believes there's a chance), he might never see Aziraphale again.

He's hit the trifecta Homeless, Jobless, Loveless! God has slammed him into rock bottom and is grinding his face in the dirt for fun!! As of right now, Crowley is that classic, nothing more to lose character. I'm fascinated with where Neil and John (and Terry from above) chose to have him start S3 emotionally. I guess it depends on how much time is going to have passed - days, weeks, months, or even years 😬. And where in the universe is he physically - London (Soho), somewhere else but still Earth, off Earth (Alpha Centurai) or Hell.

Here's what I'm hoping -

We need a meltdown of epic proportions!! It'd be great to see David break out those big emotional ("and I would like to spend...hmmmh"💔) acting chops here. BUT I'm thinking more GO comedy meltdown. London/UK wide blackout! Takes out a newly repaired Big Ben as he erupts driving past in Bentley! Demand outstrips supply for alcohol in the Soho/London area, causing the economy to crash or brawling on the streets! Something comically absurd and big enough that it might just get Hell's attention.... see where I'm going?!

But after his meltdown(s) and obligatory self-destructive period, because of course there will be! There's not a chance there won't be. We mere mortals fall to pieces after relationships of measly months fall apart, we are talking 6000 years here!! BUT after this, I want to see the nameless fallen angel, who redefined himself as Crawly, who redefined himself as Crowley and then finally as Anthony J Crowley show that same level of resilience. I want him to figure out what 'his side' now means to him, even if he can only be an 'us' in memory (because may be at this point he still belives Aziraphale is lost to him for ever). I want him to decide why he wants to be on Earth for himself, so that he wants to protect it just as much as Aziraphale, not just BECAUSE of Aziraphale. So he understands why Aziraphale could and would never be happy if they had just left Earth to Armageddon and run off together. Perhaps this is all facilitated by him being on the run from Heaven, trying to get rid of him before Aziraphale finds out. Encountering the kindness of strangers. Rediscovering the demon who designed the M25, who was an infamous bootlegger in WW2 or a Black Knight in medieval times. Because let's face it by S2, it looks as though he's abandoned all that and just settled into "married" life.

But he can't be on the run forever realises his best protection is Hell and Anthony J, the cunning demon that he is, approaches them. Convinces them he's sick of Earth, done with backstabbing angels for good and (not actually a complete lie) knows all about Heaven's plan for the next Armageddon. Hugely comical meltdown (I like the idea of Big Ben burning 😂), plus maybe a few mishaps here and there to protect himself along the way, means they lap it all up! Crowley, however, by now, having recovered himself mostly (he'll never be totally whole without his yang), has realised the best way back to Aziraphale is also through Hell, giving him even more hope. As a by-product, maybe a realisation that Aziraphale was never rejecting him, but trying to protect him in the only way he knew how. Now we have double agent Duke Of Hell Crowley, but he actually wants to protect Earth and humanity for himself as well as so he and Aziraphale can make their home here properly (*cough* *cough* the South Downs enters the chat - you never know maybe discovered a nice little retreat while on the run).

Kick off S3, or may be we're a few episodes in already?!

I'll embrace my masochism, I don't think it would be at all true to them or him if he just bounced back, so I want to see that grief from him. A comical meltdown is a must for me, personally. But I think a note of seriousness within there would be beautiful. We are, after all, in David Tennant's safe hands. My main point is that I would be hugely disappointed if that is all we see. Crowley just drunk in Bentley doing nothing until Aziraphale turns up to drag him out of his stuppor. He's SO much better than that!

As a bonus to Duke of Hell Crowley, Aziraphale will know none of this having been kept completely in the dark by Heaven. So that when Hell proudly announces their newest Duke is Crowley, he is rapt with anxiety that he's pushed him over the edge and lost him forever! Until their first meeting, negotiations between Heaven and Hell about how they will ensure Armageddon actually gets going this time. Midway through, Aziraphale in a total panic at this point, Crowley casually growls at one of his minions to "get outside and stop that blasted Nightingale from singing outside the window, it's too bloody distracting", before continuing with the plan to start a nuclear winter.

[littlest-nightingale]

Crowley has tantrums, every once and a while. Emotions get too big and he just feels like screaming and kicking and biting, so he does. Aziraphale isn't happy about this of course, but he isn't angry at Crowley in the slightest. They're working on some things, and there's only so much they can do to prevent these outbursts. He tries his best to calm him down and minimize the damage (both to their property and to Crowley) but he never yells at him. When it's all over, he's there to hold him and wipe away his tears and tell him that he's not a bad little, he's just working through some things and that's okay.

Aziraphale has meltdowns. A texture will be too much, or a smell too strong or the lights too bright, an emotion will be too hard to communicate and he'll get upset. He stims in harmful ways and he cries and sometimes he yells, and if he does yell it leads to him incoherently begging for forgiveness. (Force of habit) Crowley tries his best, but there's only so much he can do, so he provides Aziraphale with the tools and environment needed to calm down and hopes he can ride it out, and when Aziraphale's feeling a bit better he's there with all the comfort his angel could ever need, a nice warm bottle if he wants it, and reassurance that Aziraphale will never ever be a burden for his meltdowns.

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: They Drink Tea at the End

After 6000 years in the spinning hubbub of earth, Heaven had been overwhelmingly sparse. So bright it stung, so empty it echoed, so utterly quiet the silence howled in your ears and never seemed to stop. Heaven was like if radio static had teeth, a total body itch you couldn’t scratch, an endless drip drip drip of gentle water slowly driving you mad. And Aziraphale had spent an entire year there.

Length: 3,376 Words

AO3 Rating: Teen and Up

Best for: Safe in Public, At Home, Hurt/Comfort, Post S2

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by knifeforkspooncup

*Minor Spoilers* This is a short, and well written, scene of the first time Aziraphale returns from his year in Heaven. Make sure to read the author's note so you can see where the inspiration came from, but to summarize briefly it's about Aziraphale having an autistic meltdown from the under and over stimulation of Heaven. This felt cathartic to read, as a neurodivergent person especially, but also just as a human. We've all had our own moments of complete meltdowns, where words fail, and you just need to cry it out. I love Crowley in this, how quickly his bitterness turns to caring, making sure Aziraphale has his safe harbor. Sure they'll have things to discuss in the morning, but for right now all that matters is they are safe and still loved. Just very moving and beautiful imagery in this, and includes some incredible artwork by the author! I just felt very safe in this fic, it gave me a kind of longing for that peaceful feeling after a cry, right after all your sobs have dried up and you feel like you can finally exhale and sleep. But with this story I get to kind of live the fantasy that someone will be there to catch me afterwards and soothe me with tea. Just a really good emotional hurt/comfort fic that is safe in public, but probably best at home in your comfort spots.

Read it here, fic by knifeforkspooncup

[majnoonathelibrarian]

Good Works Chapter 6: Don’t Stop Me Now

 Good Works Written by Majnoona

Chapter Excerpt:

He was fine even after getting battered against a stone staircase, even after a complete meltdown in front of the only three people had had any sort of non-work relationship with (oh, and one beguiling but injurious cherub); even after getting absolutely smashed that night (he’s lucky he didn’t drown in the tub. Or maybe unlucky that he didn’t. The jury was still out.); and even after 24 hours wallowing in bed recovering from the physical and emotional fallout. Fine. Fine. Fine. Never fucking better.

Continue reading on AO3

Or start from chapter 1 - The 24 Hour Print Shop, July 1987

Special thanks to the best first beta you could possibly hope for: On1occasionfork

--------------

TW/CW: Internalized homophobia, Historical homophobia. Poor coping skills, Minor mention of food and alcohol for comfort

Rating M for future chapters. These will be (skippable) self contained sections. Tags will be added as we get there, as well as per chapter warnings.

Summary:

It's 1987 London and anti-gay sentiment is on the rise ahead of the government's push to pass Section 28 to prohibited the "promotion of homosexuality" by local authorities -- including banning books and education in schools.

Anthony Crowley takes advantage of his past life as a cog in the government machine (but don't ask him to talk about it) and his free time due to a "complicated" current employment situation to help support the SoHo gay and lesbian community.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale Fell, current Assistant Parliamentary Secretary, has stumbled into an environmental disaster that no one seems to want to deal with -- or is a cover-up? Could the Environment Secretary even be involved? Could this really be part of Her (Margret Thatcher’s) Plan?

Why do Crowley and Fell keep running into each other -- literally? Is it just romantic fate bringing together two middle aged "confirmed bachelors" who thought it was too late to find love, or is there some other connection? Can they figure it out? (Are they sure they want to?)

@goodomensafterdark @on1occasionfork

[brainrotarchive]

all I want for aziraphale in season 3 is to be angry. I want him to have a meltdown and cry and scream for a bit because he needs it. after 6000 years of bullshit he deserves it. he only said fuck ONCE. let him show his emotions!!! and I need him to push crowley against a wall. for science.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e8 lotus (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

i wanted to revisit that little lucifer!vince meltdown in 12x07 because i thought maybe i was too high to parse what was happening or something. i definitely misunderstood something, but the emotional content still doesn't make sense to me. anyway, details about partial confusion resolution

i didn't think anything was gonna top the leviathans in most loathed (but more in a boring way) villain but british men of letters are bringing the eye rolling heat.

CROWLEY Lucifer's not content with slutting it from one random vessel to the next. He's moving on to blue chips—celebrities, captains of industry. He just got a lot more dangerous. CASTIEL I agree with Agent Zappa. DEAN Oh, will you stop?

i laughed but like, it'd be more fun if cas was trying to rile him up instead of being in clueless robot mode. feels like we get a different cas every episode

there is something amusing about crossing this trope of the catholic church getting infiltrated by the devil and they try to exorcise him with the spn universe where lucifer and exorcism is all a very different kind of beast.

and now he's in the president, of course. they really have defanged lucifer. now he's getting the cartoon villain treatment too. mark played him on this edge of charisma and creepy and ... actually scary, in a way that he felt like a real, solid threat. who had done awful, awful things to our sam specifically, that left him deeply traumatized. anyway, it's not just switching actors, but this story they're wedging him into.

swift kick to the gut while i'm sitting here musing on a president leading a morning prayer that this aired in december 2016.

LUCIFER It's almost like I've never done that before.

???????

i also had a visceral hate of the rape references/"jokes" lucifer repeatedly made to sam (were they all hallucifer? imagine so) this makes ZERO sense. and also, what the fuck, is this a sitcom? oh the literal devil is feeling offkilter because he's just had sex for the first time teehee aww. WHAT

SAM Crowley, can we just get the damn news without the drama? CROWLEY Can I get you without the flannel? No. Still, I endure.

lol good one, crowley

look at me not overreacting about sam sneaking off to make an aborted phone call and trying to hide it. why the fuck is he calling the bad mol people though...???

having serious dick roman flashbacks with this lucifer plotline.

CASTIEL There's been a massive surge in celestial energy. A Nephilim is come into being. It's the offspring of an angel and a human. DEAN And that's big news? CASTIEL Yes, but the power to produce this is immense. It's much, much greater than a typical angel. SAM Lucifer. DEAN W— Lucifer? I didn't know he was dating.

again, are we in a sitcom? tone of the episode is really not meshing with the jokes they're going for, for me. is this gonna be the nephilim i've heard of?

SAM Do we have a plan? DEAN Impeach LOTUS and find Rosemary's Baby.

oh, silly me. i was thinking lotus the car brand, thought the episode might have some car-slant. lucifer of the united states 🥴

seeing them clearly in the car, outside, makes me realize just how much of the driving shown is at night (for production reasons, obviously)

required hair appreciation note. maybe i had to slog through some truly atrocious haircuts/styles and sideburns to fully appreciate getting here

god. i have such a kneejerk queasy reaction to take five by dave brubeck. my brief stint (during a really Bad Time in my life) at university i would kill time between classes at a place near this cd shop on campus. they played take five over and over and over and over. it's a great piece of music but it still immediately throws me back into this really miserable headspace.

that said, i do think it was used well in this scene. and that was a really good little action sequence, nice tight pacing. sam and dean's reaction to the explosion was really good and it felt like they were right there (and magically baby did not get damaged by the explosion right in her face). cas standing in front of it, unbothered, cliche but still fun. but then fucko had to start talking and i mentally checked out.

coulda had fucko drive up in a lotus but no, bentley 😔 probably harder to obtain a lotus in whatever, vancouver

hurray sam's furtive phone call to bad people already addressed in the same episode.

introducing all sorts of goofy ass weapons. sure, why not

is there a snappy name for this team-up?

CASTIEL The thing inside you, it's unholy. It's an abomination.

great. surely she's gonna want to keep the lucifer!baby then

the magical egg scene went on way too long. i guess it was supposed to be high stakes zapping lucifer back to the cage but god it's just all so not.

i really love how crowley's teleportation is silent, no vfx other than cutting so he's just gone. it's surprisingly effective. anyway, kind of hoping they can work out their problems. good pair

the whole dean being somewhat in awe that they got lucifer felt... i dunno. like ok so is this when we find out he didn't actually end up in the cage?

uh. why are dean and sam there just hanging out with the president? and getting arrested? what. great. my fave.

[themthistles]

have to say i'm so very fine compared to other people's emotional meltdowns but if someone makes a crowley edit with cellophane i'm punching the wall

[goodomensnoir]

We all have demons. Most of us have more demons than we do angels. It is the great human frailty. But Neil is showing us, through Crowley’s slow transition, a glimpse of light through the cracks .

That he becomes less demonic( although not Quite angelic) is due , of course, to his strangled love for Aziraphale . The pain of which is ironically leading him closer to humanity and it’s propensity for the emotional.

That our demons could be tamed or at least reasoned with for a better life is not a new concept. But Crowley presents that possibility to us with a journey that is both hopeful and heartbreaking. There is no free lunch I’m afraid.

Aziraphale on the other hand seems to be de-volving. Perhaps having a meltdown would be a better observation. He is clinging to his angelic countenance and holding by his fingernails and somewhere inside of him he is realizing that the being he has so carefully maintained must learn to bend and let go. And he doesn’t want to and yet when he looks at Crowley he so desperately wants to.

As we all wait for the final pieces of the puzzle to fall together- fervently hoping for a season 3- but if not we know Neil will tell us a story. Meanwhile we can dream with two exquisite characters telling us a universal story that goes back at least 6,000 years.

[mangodestroyer]

Triggering response to triggering post.

I feel like I've been doing the finger thing on accident. I thought it was just me having one of my autistic stims and being silly. I didn't realize it is probably something I do to help me when I'm thinking about things that are a little more difficult to process (going into grim territory and such). I do tend to do weird things like that when in deep thought.

I'm also someone who has... WAY more trauma than I was ever comfortable admitting. I've been traumatized merely realizing I escaped some DANGEROUS fucking situations (sought out by predators)... I've also had my autonomy... violated. Which took me so fucking long to finally admit to myself. On top of that, I've suffered some physical abuse. And so much fucking emotional and psychological abuse. As a result, I am super sensitive to any feelings like people might be disgusted by me or rejecting me. I'm also terrified whenever I hear people raise their voices. I currently live on a college campus and people get rowdy. I sometimes jump when people start yelling and start listening in because I'm so worried someone is getting hurt. But then it turns out it's just college kids goofing off.

At the same time, a lot of my traumatic memories feel very fuzzy and like they didn't even happen. I sometimes wonder if I'm exaggerating things when recalling them. I feel like if I told people they wouldn't take it seriously. I felt the same way when having a panic attack where I started loudly whimpering/sobbing. I just imagined if anyone heard it... they probably just thought I was being weird.

I agree that those of us with trauma just sometimes behave weirdly. It's actually not uncommon for some of us who have been diagnosed with autism or related conditions to wonder if we actually have those conditions, or if trauma is making it seem like we do. Oddly enough, cPTSD and autism spectrum disorder have similarities. And people with autism can also have extremely anxious responses to things and need certain things to calm down. Both conditions can come with "meltdowns." And a tendency to feel overstimulated.

We can also have so many different ways of coping. Lately, I'm finding that I'm becoming so interested in purchasing fantasy novels and stuffed animals. I literally just want my home to look like a cozy library. I sometimes hug my Crowley snek when I'm stressed. He's always sitting next to me on my desk otherwise. I also sometimes like to listen to music and watch shows/cartoons while stoned and eating delicious food because it brings me so much fucking joy.

Yes, Crowley's expression here is hilarious and always worth a post in its own right 😊 but I thought I'd share something about what he's doing with his hand for anyone who is unfamiliar with that particular gesture, as it has a name and a purpose that goes along with a few other scenes in the series. It's also a good strategy in real life for anyone experiencing anxiety and might want another tool in their toolbox for it.

TWs: anxiety; trauma; PTSD; brief, indirect mention of SA.

For a lot of people who get something on their hands and are exploring the texture of it, the inclination would be to rub together the thumb and the index finger. Crowley's unique use of his fingers isn't just a sorcery thing, though, as what he is doing in this scene-- touching his thumb to his middle finger-- has a name amongst us humans.

It's called shuni mudra.

If you meditate or practice yoga, you have likely heard of mudras, which are different ways of positioning the hands to use the fingers to create a seal that directs prana-- aka energy flow-- in different ways throughout the body. Shuni mudra is done to generate a sense of calm and patience-- especially patience with the self. It is a hand gesture done as a way to help regulate the heart, circulatory & nervous systems and is most commonly used to counter anxiety. Like with any mudra, you don't have to do it in the midst of a yoga or a meditation session but can make the gesture just whenever you feel the need, as Crowley did in the scene above. If you give it a try, you'll probably find that it is surprisingly relaxing for such a simple gesture.

Crowley's outsized startle response to getting hit with the paint is very funny but it is also pretty typical of someone with PTSD-- especially someone who has it as a result of bodily autonomy violations, as is the case with Crowley. People who have experienced non-consensual loss of control over themselves tend to have a jumpy response to sudden, unexpected stimuli in their environment.

Even though Crowley flailing dramatically is hilarious to watch because he's so over-the-top with it, beneath the humor in the scene is also that being unexpectedly hit with something out of nowhere is a very common thing that can trigger anxiety in people with PTSD. Good Omens is very good at finding some humor in dealing with darkness and a comparable scene in tone to this is Gabriel bouncing off the walls when the angels show up at the bookshop in S2. What is very amusing "books are keen!", fly-chasing zaniness is really, underneath, unconscious anxiety manifesting, as part of Gabriel's mind knows that the angels are a threat to him and is reacting with panic at them in his bookshop safe space.

Ironically, reacting with panic to an angel perceived as a threat being in the bookshop safe space is also Crowley's S2 plot, as if he and Gabriel didn't already have more in common than Crowley is ready to admit...

But, back to the hand gesture thing...

There is evidence that things like shuni mudra are effective simply because they help to create a pause that interrupts anxious and self-critical thoughts, which then allows space for calming the mind and body. Used in the way that Crowley is using it here, it's very similar to the Five Things/5-4-3-2-1 strategy for staving off or stopping an anxiety attack, in that both pull people back into the present moment by creating a sense of concentration on something besides the feeling of panic.

That Crowley does this pretty intuitively in the paintball scene as a response to having something anxiety-inducing happen to him indicates he likely does it pretty frequently. Crowley automatically going to shuni mudra while he takes a breath and figures out what, exactly, has happened, is indicative of someone with an awareness of their anxiety and PTSD and who has and uses strategies to help manage them, which goes along with things we've seen in other scenes as well.

Crowley and Aziraphale are inhaling places and food with a clear devotion to trying to live mindfully. You don't need to have experienced trauma to do that but mindful living is prescriptive for virtually every sort of mental health struggle that exists so Crowley and Aziraphale seeing it as therapeutic, as well as enjoyable, seems likely.

In the bookshop, they have a lotus flower rug. The lotus flower has long been a symbol of trauma recovery. You might have heard of the saying "no mud, no lotus", referring to how beauty and health can be made in the wake of horrible experiences. The lotus flower originates in the mud at the bottom of a body of water and travels through it to bloom above the surface, which is at the root of it being symbolic across different cultures for things like enlightenment, purity, strength, and recovery. Its resilience and ability to literally wade through struggle to come through into the light and bloom makes it a metaphor for getting through different forms of trauma.

That Crowley and Aziraphale have this rug in their World of Carpets that is the bookshop, when combined with these other scenes, show how they're dedicated to working through their stuff together and trying to be the best trauma-informed partners they can to one another.

It's also on the lotus rug that Crowley and Aziraphale put Gabriel to perform the miracle to protect him and, when they do, their magic is done with both of them using another hand gesture-- gyan mudra, the seal of knowledge-- to complete the miracle.

I think if you take all of this together, you could make the case for either or both of Crowley and Aziraphale using yoga and/or meditation to help manage the effects of trauma. For those who think that Crowley has chronic pain, there's also that both of these things have been helpful for managing that in many people, so that might be another reason for Crowley, in particular, to practice them.

The lotus rug in the shop might not just be symbolic but also a meditation/yoga spot. Do we think The Serpent always starts with Snake Pose, just because? 🤭

[inconveniently-discorporated]

And

this is so special, like.

I know a lot of people see this scene as Aziraphale pushing Crowley away on purpose because his plans are insane and he doesn't want Crowley to get hurt, and that's fair but I've always read it as, essentially, Aziraphale having a panic meltdown because Crowley is going Too Fast for him again.

He's just come from a meeting where he has realized that the people he hoped would see reason and fix things, will not see reason and will not fix things. He's flighty and fidgety as fuck, looking around, super paranoid, wringing his hands, trying to calm down.

He's PULLING Crowley in as much as he's pushing because he's grasping at straws for what to do next because the answer to saving everything is Very Obvious but he's had thousands of years of Heavenly Training telling him otherwise. The most sincere thing he says is when Crowley walks away and he goes, "You can't leave, Crowley."

The next part is where I feel like it's ambiguous. Crowley says they can run off together and the look on his face... Honestly, I see it as the same look on the bench only the reaction is dialed up to 100 because they're in such a different, much more dangerous position.

I think it's tempting, it's so FUCKING tempting like yeah fuck it let's just give in and do this but wait FUCK you said the quiet part out loud fuck I can't do this fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkk undo undo undo nope angel demon opposite sides stop it you idiot stop falling for it stop falling.

But the really special part is the response from Crowley.

Seeing the behavior for what it is, calling it out.

And even though he's clearly hurt as fuck, saying, out loud, with as much emphasis as he can (even if angrily) "We're on our side."

Hey, I know you still love me even with all of these feelings you've got going on, we're still on the same side here. Tell me that's not romance.

Especially the response after. Have a nice doomsday. He knows. He hasn't spent six thousand years getting to know every little thing about the angel for nothing. Rather than say something really vengeful or volatile, he lets it go and walks away. But he still calls Aziraphale for help the moment he needs it -- because he knows.

That's. You don't just find that anywhere. Humans are complicated, messy creatures when it comes to emotions. There's so many layers of how the brain works and how our emotions feel and what reality is and etc etc etc that receiving someone's anger and anxiety and saying, "This isn't about me, and I'm still on your side," is so fucking hard. And frankly it's romantic as fuck to me.

[aziraphales-library]

Hiiiii! how are you

Is there any fic that Aziraphale hates heaven? and explain that to Crowley? I mean, I've always had this idea that Crowley thinks Aziraphale is in a better place than him ..but actually Aziraphale is as tired of heaven as Crowley is of falling and hell

love u and love your hard work for us

Hello! You will want to check out our #heaven is terrible tags for more fics like this. Here are more to add to the collection...

May I Escort You Home? by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

Aziraphale returns from Heaven stressed out and with a terrible stomachache. He’s in pain and needs to be taken home, but insists that he can handle it. Can Crowley tempt him into accepting help?

Love Knows Boundaries by AnonymousDandelion (G)

Aziraphale's hands were shaking, his throat was closing up again, and there were tears coming out of his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the tears kept trickling through anyway.

“Okay,” came Crowley’s voice again, very near at hand — gentle, steady, undercurrent of anxiety audible but, doubtless for Aziraphale’s benefit, tamped down under control. “Okay, there. Yeah. All right. You want a hug?”

And it was Crowley, it was just Crowley, they’d hugged plenty of times before. Aziraphale liked hugging Crowley. When he got like this a hug was an almost guaranteed way to help him feel better, to ground him, to calm him down. It was just Crowley, for goodness’s sake, this was ridiculous…

Aziraphale discovered that he was shaking his head from side to side, very emphatically.

“Okay,” Crowley said for the fourth time, calm and grounding even without any physical touch, and the sound of his voice retreated a foot or so. “Not a hug. Is there anything else I can do?”

~ ~ ~

OR: After a performance review and a dubious "reward" from the Archangels, Aziraphale arrives home badly in need of comfort.

(Don’t) Set Your Teeth Against My Throat by AziraBookshop4004 (T)

Aziraphale's head was a mess. They could barely focus on their surroundings. It was all jumbled, consisting of insults, cries, pleas, recycling everything that's been happening for the past two hours. Processing it. They were shaking visibly, unable to stop themselves anymore. They were safe now. They could let go. Except they couldn't

CW: self-harm (not too graphically described, but could possibly be triggering), meltdown

The Picnic by Zeckarin (T)

Crowley has prepared a surprise for his friend. It is a very special occasion after all. Two years since Armagedden't, it deserves a celebration. But as our boys take a walk down memory lane together, Aziraphale will reminisce something he never told Crowley before.

I’ll Be There by retiredseraph (T)

The angel’s face was entirely expressionless except for a very small, almost imperceptible pulling together of his brows. He wasn’t looking at Crowley, just forwards and towards the ground, focused on nothing in particular. “Oh, angel…” Crowley said softly, slightly sadly

While sorting through old letters from, Aziraphale stumbled upon some old assignment letters from Heaven, which reminds him of all the times he’s fallen short. The reaction this leads to is unexpected, but Crowley takes care of him until it passes.

I second that emotion by HolRose (T)

It is after the failed apocalypse, and Aziraphale is struggling. No longer affiliated to Heaven, and thoroughly disillusioned with his former employers, he descends into a very troubled state of mind. Can his demonic counterpart offer anything to help lift his friend out of his low mood? Are you joking? Of course he can!

- Mod D

[twillightteaparty]

Yanderes! Azul, Malleus, Riddle and Vil with the reader who returned to their universe without telling them.

Yandere! Twst boys Response to Reader Returning to their Home Universe!

this is my reminder that Yandere Tropes should stay fictional and are inherently Toxic relationships.

Mentions of: Blackmailing, threats, breaking of items

Azul

Unreasonably, and Undoubtably pissed to the high heavens and back. Will try blackmailing, threatening, and literally use any of the power and fear-mongering he can to get Crowley to give him any information and or let him straight into your world.

Even if Crowley doesn't give him what he wants he lives by the motto of if there is a will there is a way. thus he will be finding any and all resources he can to see if he can just make a spell or something that will let him threw into your world or like will bring you back.

wouldn't be unfortunate if someone were to steal his reacher and or ruin it. what a shame indeed /sarcasm

when or if all else fails will cry in his octo pot for a long while.

Malleus

I imagine him getting very upset, pouty, and grumpy. maybe it's also now raining all the time. debates if he should abuse the very powerful magic he has to go make a portal and drag you back. but that would give his like three knights a heart attacks and raise too much suspicion, wouldn't it.

honestly gives the entire school a real reason to fear him for once, because he is basically a walking storm of unpredictable emotions. I imagine he develops a look that everyone goes if looks could kill I'd be dead.

Too restricted to really do anything about it and kind of has to suck it up. probably has days where he's still upset about it a little too much. even years, upon years later. probably concerns Lilia a little bit.

collects anything that reminds him of you now, a little bit creepy not gonna lie.

Riddle

His dorm wasn't safe for a week at least. cracked down on the rules way more than he normally does. everyone during his moody fit or pure r a g e was living in fear of him over blotting constantly. Trey managed to talk some sense into him. but really riddle took the phrase to try to put your anger into something else all wrong. didn't pick up a hobby like cross-stitch or something. nope.

so here is how we have Riddle interrogating Crowley, if not that he is suddenly abandoning his duties in a way never seen before to try and reconstruct or recreate the magic that allowed you to be here and leave here in hyper detail.

We can thank trey for going out of his way to pull Riddle to 'reality' once more and whatnot. because it's him constantly pulling riddle away from his obsession that makes it almost impossible for him to get any work done.

will be bitter and resentful for the rest of the time. so I hope you don't plan on coming back any time soon because um. Revenge is best served cold and several years late i suppose

Vil

Had rook looking for you for d a y, maybe even a week or two. but once he hears what happened or finds out or realizes probably has the meltdown of the century. Probably broke something in said meltdown. Rip favorite makeup palette.

Probably also tries questioning Crowley about everything, if he gets no answers out of it Vil suddenly remembers if you want to do things right you have to do it yourself.

que Vil planning around his busy life to set aside time to figure out how to fix this 'temporary setback'. though I have to say he hardly has time to figure anything out, though what time he puts into isn't wasted to be honest.

definately gets more pissed when he cant get the portal to work to let him threw or to have you fall through it again or whatever. bitter, and angry tries to not let it get to his skin. but like *slaps vil* this man can hold so much a n g e r

---

this was a post for me to specifically bully the Yandere!twst boys and I had maybe a little too much fun with this. so thank you to whoever asked for this, thank you very much.

love the vibe of reader just being like bye bastards without telling anyone.

signed, Admin Tea

[autisticandroids]

godstiel arc. okay.

- i dont think cas did anything wrong in the man who would be king or previous to that. or at the very least he hasn't done anything that sam and dean should consider seriously wrong.

- it's imo much more accurate to characterize the man who would be king as dean betraying cas than the other way around. cas reveals that he did something without dean's permission, something which has nothing to do with dean but is probably going to save all their lives, and dean responds by declaring him an enemy.

- however, in response to this betrayal, or rather, once it's solidified in let it bleed, cas lashes out. not really at dean (though breaking sam's wall* was definitely lashing out at dean, or as close as he could bring himself to doing that) but at everyone, because cas doesn't really have a good idea of.... the boundaries between things.

- he actually does do some things wrong in godstiel arc but all of them are a part of this post-man who would be king lashing out. breaking sam's wall and killing balthazar being the most notable examples.

- it's arguable whether godstiel (as in, cas + purgatory souls + leviathans) can reasonably be considered a moral agent. like, in control of his actions at all. it's even more arguable whether godstiel and cas, minus souls and leviathans, can be considered equivalent moral agents. like it's probably unreasonable to hold cas-the-angel accountable for godstiel's actions. cas seems to be in an intensely altered state of consciousness in meet the new boss. like, extremely warped.

- however, godstiel is still cas. i've said this before but godstiel is like mark of cain dean. should he be considered responsible for his actions at that time? probably not, because he was under extreme influence. however, at the core it's still him. he's not possessed or anything.

- which leads to where i'm going, which is, godstiel's actions follow logically from the emotional state cas was in in the man who knew too much. they are essentially a larger scale version of killing balthazar/breaking sam's wall. cas is feeling betrayed and alone; he is therefore desperate for affection and hungry to punish anyone who has hurt him. becoming godstiel has both granted him incredible power and stripped him of like. his judgement. his capacity for moral reasoning. but the motivations behind godstiel's actions are coming from and consistent with cas.

- it was never about a desire for power, imo. godstiel's actions are not motivated by a desire to demonstrate his power or take power over others, although he does of course do both things. they're motivated by a combination of desperation for affection and paranoia of betrayal. he wants love/loyalty, so he tries to take it, fails, responds with anger. and he sees the whole world as owing him loyalty. this is why he punishes those who he sees as doing evil in the name of god: they are betraying him.

anyway. the narrative situates cas' guilt in godstiel arc in the wrong place, because the intended message of godstiel arc is "if cas had only listened to dean, then everything would have been fine." while this is technically partly true (if cas had listened to dean, godstiel + leviathans would not have happened), it doesn't actually follow logically. like, both godstiel and the leviathans were kind of diabolus ex machina, not things anyone could have reasonably predicted before they happened. and besides, if cas had listened to dean and given up on his deal with crowley, raphael would have won the civil war and restarted the apocalypse. it's unclear which of these options would have been worse, even if cas knew about the effect the souls would have on him + the leviathans beforehand. however, with the information the characters had at the time, cas' choice was clearly the right one and dean was being an idiot. the flaw cas is actually demonstrating in godstiel arc is listening to dean too much. as in, he's upset that dean is mad at him, and this turns into a cosmic meltdown of eventually literally biblical proportions. but even before he becomes godstiel and everything is magnified and distorted, he kills balthazar and breaks sam's wall (as well as doing other things which, while not necessarily morally wrong, were definitely mistakes, such as betraying crowley so early, so crowley had a chance to make a deal with raphael) because he's having a big temper tantrum due to feeling betrayed and abandoned and projecting that out at everyone, instead of dealing with his feelings like a rational adult.

*breaking sam's wall was a last desperate attempt to keep the winchesters from trying to stop him, but it was also one last test of loyalty. cas could have simply imprisoned them somewhere for three days while he finished becoming god and then let them out. instead he chooses to do this unnecessarily cruel and violent thing to sam, as a way of lashing out in anger. but he also leaves it in dean's hands whether or not dean will obey him. he tells dean to cease trying to stop him and he will heal sam. this is an offer on the table. if i dangle this tremendous carrot in front of you, the carrot of sam's well-being, will you be loyal to me again? of course this makes dean fight harder because that's like. an insane thing for cas to think would work. but it is part of cas' motivation for doing it.