#creative process bullshit
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Six Sentence Sunday & Countdown to EGF (Week 1!)
Hello hi hola!! Thank you for the early morning tags, @thewholelemon and @artsyunderstudy! I have six-ish sentences from Chapter 3 of my EGF fic, which I shared with my lovely EGF collaborator @shemakesmeforget (thank you for making me feel good about my writing 😆😆😆):
When Baz comes out into the kitchen, Simon Snow is still trotting around mostly naked except for Baz’s boxer briefs. He has freckles and moles everywhere, and the collar around his neck and the steaming mug of tea in his hands make him look oddly domestic; Baz is sure he’s seen a porn that started this way.
“Here,” Simon says, thrusting the mug at Baz. “Wasn’t sure if you took milk or sugar.”
“Usually milk,” Baz says, opening the fridge, “but - ah, yes, I’m out. I was going to do the weekly shop, but then kidnapping, imprisonment, et cetera.”
“Extremely et cetera,” Simon says solemnly.
Writing blather, a bonus pic, and tags behind the cut!
Here’s a brief description of my writing process thus far:
Write 22 000 words in basically a fever dream / fugue state (around the same time that I wrote “A cake with your name on it”)
Let it sit, because I knew it needed massive edits
Sign up for EGF in early Jan with all the arrogance and naivete of youth, because “hey! I already have a draft!”
Reread the draft in mid-Jan and feel like throwing up (Jan. 15 journal entry: “I just re-read my EGF fic and it seems like such a fucking disaster. What the actual hell”)
Attempt ambitious rewrites. Fail. Lose momentum. Journal about it a lot. Draw a bunch of mind maps. Get lost in the black hole of Tumblr. Cry in the car. Eat kettle chips and binge-watch the K-drama Doctors
Reread/re-watch some classic things that I should keep in a box/bookmarks folder called Break Glass in Case of Artistic Emergency (The Artist’s Way; Liz Gilbert’s TED talk on daemons; Kiki’s Delivery Service)
Do some useful loosening up exercises (rewriting and responding to the Basic Principles in The Artist’s Way; writing a paean to the Muses; making a checklist of how to create a good writing context for myself)
Re-read the draft. Think, “Huh, it’s actually not as bad as I thought. Rewriting isn’t working, so I think I just have to work with what I have.” Realise that the draft hasn't changed in quality, just my mindset.
Think fondly of my old mentor McKenna (playwright, poet, Irish madman), who would always say, “These things that you think I'm teaching you? You know them already. I’m just reminding you, is all.”
I share this not just because I crave validation (I mean, I’m an artist and a human, of course I crave validation) but because I think everyone who reads this probably resonates with at least one part of it.
And it’s useful for me to have this as a record to come back to say, “Oh yeah, this happened to me before, this will probably happen again, here is evidence that I climbed out of this well before, and here are some really concrete things that I did to climb out of the well. This is all part of the process, even the stretches that suck and feel like you’re off-roading in the dark.”
If you made it through this exercise in navel-gazing, please enjoy this picture, because I have apparently branched out from making fake t-shirts and entered the realm of making fake mugs for my fic, as part of my Creative Process:
I have to run off soon (to pick up fresh cinnamon buns) so I am just going to do a bunch of hello tags off the top of my head in a completely random fashion: @erotic-grope-fest, @captain-aralias, @fatalfangirl, @cutestkilla, @technetiumai, @tectonicduck, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @raenestee, @dohrnaira, @larkral (look, I came out to play!!!), @facewithoutheart, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @whogaveyoupermission, @martsonmars, @aristocratic-otter. Happy Sunday to you all!
#Six Sentence Sunday#egf2023#good morning good night good morning#creative process bullshit#sneaky btvs references#my fic tag
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If anyone is wondering what my ass is doing, I'm working on my first original work in like six years btw.
#snoweytrashposts#snoweytalks#snoweyrambles#snoweyrants#writing#creative writing#writing process#random ramblings#my random bullshit#tw cursing
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regarding the big Finale end-of-life announcement:
an offer without any expectation: i've been using the (free, open source) program LilyPond for all my sheet music engraving for years. i think it is powerful, flexible, and beautiful, but i also know that it has a steep learning curve and runs differently from many other programs. if you're curious about it, i'm always happy to talk about how it works, show you my process, and field any questions that come up for you if you decide to try it out. this is a standing offer; feel free to drop me a line about this at any time if you decide it's something that might be right for you!
#finale#lilypond#sheet music#music notation#composers#that creative life#Finale eol announcement crisis 2024#for those of you who don't do music notation:#there are like. three big commercial music notation programs#and one of them — which has been around for about 35 years — just announced they're shutting down#and like. shutting down as in “you will not be able to install this program on any new computers as of mid 2025”#because of corporate ip bullshit basically#which means that some people have three decades' worth of artistic work#that is going to be stuck in a defunct proprietary format soon#unless they can find a way to port it over to an entirely different program#the entire thing is an absolute *nightmare* for everyone affected by it#which ranges from small independent composers doing little pieces for local friends#to folks writing multi-act shows with international development processes#IT'S BAD IT'S REAL BAD IF YOU KNOW A COMPOSER GIVE THEM A HUG TODAY
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i know Zelda team said theyre kinda done with this iteration of hyrule so theres no DLC and thats fine i guess but i wanna know why they made certain choices
#trying not to feel the resentment for the development cycle aches only to be a bit stiffed on the lore side yknow#like as a creative type with a fucked up attention span i get it 100% but OOF hard mode at least#i dont need a whole ass novel i just want a little bit of thought process#ALSO GIVE ME KASS#i refuse to believe they killed him off in the blizzard what a bullshit move thatd be#Penn seems to think he's alive anyway#rory's ramblings#botw/totk blogging
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Remember how that Make Way for Ducklings update was going to be next? The plot bunnies have struck else where it is gonna be a minute longer 😬
#allylikethecat#ally’s creative process#or lack there of#make way for ducklings#matty x taylor are needing some love#they are my favorite child currently#also back on the hangster bullshit#updating when you think of me made me remember how much i love them
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Batman Has Arrived - Matt Sturniolo
Pairings - fwb!Matt x fem!Reader Summary - Two weeks into the break Matt proposed, he pops up on you at a Halloween party. Warnings - Strong language. Sexual suggestions. Fluff. A lil angst?? W/c - 2560 A/n - That tiktok Matt posted had me dreamingggg. It's now no nut November (idk if I'm participating) so I didn't want to turn this into a smut lol. Let me know what you guys think!! 🦇 Tags - @lvrsturniolo @thepubeburgler (if anyone else wants tagged just let me know!) My Masterlist Current series - City of Love (Matt) Current works - part two to You Like me? (Matt) Latest work - Pierced (Chris)
“Code red!” your best friend sounds from behind you, making you whirl around to face her. “He’s here and he’s so pissed,” she tells you before taking a sip of her drink. Your heart drops to your stomach, the drunken haze you’re in isn’t making it better, “you told me he wouldn’t be here!”
“I didn’t think he would be!” she throws her hands up defensively. It had only been two weeks since Matt proposed a ‘break’ between you two. His reason being - ‘he wasn’t in the right mental state for a girlfriend.’ You thought it was bullshit, and it was. Matt had a bad habit of not being straightforward with you. Truth be told, even though he was always the one to suggest a break, he was always the one to come running back. His constant need to go back and forth left you feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. This wasn't the first time he brought up the idea, in the beginning you'd constantly check in on. After the third or fourth time of him doing the same stupid shit, you decided ignoring him was best.
Already knowing how the night will end, you pour yourself another shot. Before you can bring it up to your lips, “Batman has arrived,” you hear your best friend scoff. She throws a shot back with you as Matt approaches the kitchen island. “Drinking away your problems, huh?” the familiar voice makes you hold your breath out of nervousness.
You roll your eyes almost immediately, “I didn’t have any problem until I noticed you were here.” You were still holding a grudge. It had been six months since you and Matt first started hooking up. He was probably the most confusing man you had ever been with. One minute he’s talking about a future with you, and the next he’s telling you he needs a break, that he's not ready for a relationship. You’d feel a lot better if he actually communicated, telling you what’s truly wrong, but he did the exact opposite. He never told you shit, just springs unexpected breaks on you like your feelings don’t matter.
Even worse, Matt knew you were head over heels for him. Everyone knew. The way you stare at him when he was in close proximity resembled a schoolgirl swooning over her first crush, that’s what it felt like anyway.
“Don’t be like that, Y/n/n,” he says after leaning down to your ear. The loud music blaring through the house made it hard to hear anything. His hands fall to your waist, and he leans you back against his chest, “I only came out tonight so I could see you.”
You tilt your head to get a good look at him. Black paint smears over his eyes making him look more mysterious than he already did. You gape at him, “Batman?”
Matt’s fingers make gentle circles on your waistline, the fabric of your costume bunching up in the process. You were dressed in all black, as a fallen angel. Before the break, you and Matt planned on going as Catwoman and Batman, inspired by Robert Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz. It was one of your favorite superhero movies, along with his. Apparently, Matt wasn’t creative enough to come up with another costume idea. Seeing him in the costume you coordinated for him made your stomach twirl. Little did you know - he was praying you'd come dressed as his Catwoman.
“Fallen angel?” he asks before he spins you around to face him. You nod, a bit taken back with how touchy he was being. Matt wasn’t the pda type of person, just like he wasn’t the going out type. You figured Halloween was a special occasion since it was his favorite day of the year. Matt keeps his grip firm, “you look really good.”
“Are you drunk?” you ask him, leaning in so he can hear you better. Matt immediately shakes his head, “I can’t miss you?”
Sucking your teeth and shaking your head at him, “no.” You let your eyebrows knit together, looking at everything except Matt. Truth be told, every time he suggested a break it left you heartbroken. In a way, you felt like you weren't good enough to be his girlfriend. That’s how the constant back-and-forth shit made you feel, like you weren’t good enough for him.
Your drunken state makes it harder for you to blink away the tears prickling at your eyes. Matt’s hands move from your waist to your arms, rubbing them gently like he’s trying to distract you. “Well, I do,” he tells you, searching your face for answers neither of you seem to have. The reasoning behind all the breaks wasn’t because of another girl or wanting freedom. It was simply because he felt like his mental health didn’t allow him to treat you the way you deserved to be treated, and he knew that.
Sucking a breath in and deciding to stay strong, “I’m not doing this tonight, Matt. I came here to get my mind off of you,” you spit out as you take a step back. You run your finger through your hair, hoping the night wouldn’t end how you expected it to - in Matt’s bed.
Before he can say anything else, your best friend, who had been eavesdropping the whole time, snatches you out of his grip. “Okay,” she stretches out, “that’s enough arguing for tonight.”
Matt’s face drops and he keeps a firm grip on your arm, “what? We weren’t arguing,” he defends himself. You look down at the tight grip on your arm, “c’mon y/n/n. Please don’t be like that,” empathy leaking through his words.
You open your mouth to speak, but before you can Chris appears out of nowhere. He whispers something in Matt's ear, making him realize he’s causing a scene. He keeps grip tight as he looks around the room, taking in the people who are staring at you two. Innocent bystanders probably thought he was some crazy overprotective boyfriend. That wasn’t the case though, and it made your heart hurt. Matt being possessive over you was pointless if he never had any plans to make you his.
Six months. Six months you had been fucking him and he still hasn’t asked you out. You were losing hope at this point. You had the ‘don’t go back to him’ talk with your best friend time after time but you never learned your lesson. Nights like this always ended with an angry Matt fucking you into his mattress as you spoke in tongues against his pillow, leaving drool stains on the process.
Chris wraps arm around his brother's shoulder, guiding him away from you, and waving an arm over his shoulder. It was his way of signaling you to get the fuck out of there. You quickly take notion, spinning around and hauling ass out of the kitchen, your bestie close behind you.
“That was fucking intense,” she tells you once you lead her to an empty bathroom, closing the door behind her. You groan, throwing your head back, “did you see how fucking good he looked?!”
“No, no,” she says in a panicky tone. “You’re not going home with him tonight!” She knows you too well. Looking in the mirror, you critic your Halloween makeup, making sure none of it got ruined yet. Your best friend makes her way to the toilet, quickly dropping her pants and squatting, “sorry I have to pee.” You shrugged at her, knowing you’d do the same if you really had to pee.
“I feel so bad though,” you tell her while applying more lip stick. “Bitch, he should feel bad for constantly playing with your emotions,” she scoffs.
“He does. You seen his face,” defending him against her harsh opinions wasn’t uncommon at this point. Y/bf/n was just as protective over you as Matt was. Her knowing every detail about the relationship you shared with him made her question his true intentions towards you. You were never the type to have a friends with benefits relationship, and Matt was pretty much forcing you into it. He hadn’t left you alone since the first night he had you, but he never talked about furthering things either.
“Just because his face says one thing, it doesn’t mean it’s accurate,” she tells you honestly. She had a point, but you knew Matt. You knew he wore his emotions on his face before he communicated them to the world. He held a lot back from a lot of people, you included.
You shake your head in disagreement, but before you can talk, she does, “I know you’re gonna leave with him. But at least tell him what you actually want before the night is over and if he doesn’t give it to you then you need to leave him alone. Matt’s not good for you, Y/n.”
After y/bf/n finishes lecturing you, you quickly exit the bathroom, making your way back to the living room. Only problem was, Matt was standing by the doorway with Chris and Nick, scoping his surroundings in hopes to find you. As soon as his eyes land on you, his feet move in your directions. Nick and Chris in tow close behind him, you’d think they were babysitting their drunk brother, but Matt was nowhere near drunk. He was fuming.
“Y/n,” he calls out as soon as he approaches you. You let your face do the talking, scrunching your nose at his comment. Matt never called you by your first name unless he was serious. “You’re coming home with me,” he states, not bothering to give you an option. He quickly redeems himself, “cause you’re drunk.”
“Right,” you huff, running a hand through your hair, “that’s why.” Matt's lips curve upward a bit like he’s trying to smile but he fights it off, keeping them pin straight. Nick lets out a laugh behind him, followed by Chris. Ear hustlers.
You really didn’t have the time or patience to have your Halloween night ruined. You were a girl who liked to have a good time, so Matt putting a halt on your night made you give in to what he wanted. Anything to avoid the conflict at all costs, you had a soft spot for him. You couldn’t tell if it was black paint he had smeared across his eyes, something told you had to go home with him. Then again, your conscious convinced itself every other night you needed him. Holding out for the past two weeks did neither of you the justice it should’ve. It only made the infatuation worse.
Not even twenty minutes later, you were in the passenger seat of Matt’s car. He sped through traffic occasionally glancing at you with the sour expression still stuck on his face like glue. Two weeks and you were already wasted at a Halloween party, giving any random guy the opportunity to make a play on you. It pissed him off to no end.
Matt knew every time he suggested a break, it broke your heart a little bit more. He couldn’t bring himself to publicly announce your relationship, he feared the attention would ruin it all. If you were soft for him then you’d be soft when the hate comment came along too, and he wasn’t willing to let that happen. As overprotective as he was, he knew he’d lash out at anyone who threw a negative comment your way. He had a soft spot for you, he just didn’t let it show. Deep down, you could sense it every time you were with him and that’s what reeled you in more each time.
“What’s with the looks?” you decide to finally break the silence, cutting the tension that floated in the air. It didn’t matter how mad he was, the Batman costume was doing wonders for you. Matt gives you the silent treatment, mentally scolding himself for practically kidnapping you. He knew it was toxic, and he knew he was the cause of it. The rest of the car ride is silent until he pulls up to his apartment.
“C’mon Matt,” you whine, “I really like the way your face is painted,” pulling the sleeve of his shirt. Not wanting to fight with him anymore, you caved like usual. Instead of letting his shitty mood get the best of you, you made light of it, doing anything you could to make the night end well.
“You’re crazy, you know that?” keeping his tone low and teasing, “you ghost me for weeks and now all the sudden want me, wonder why?” This wasn’t unfamiliar for you and Matt to be so hot and cold with each other. Whether you liked it or not, it happened too frequently. As soon as the door is open, you rush inside to kick off your shoes, stumbling in the process, “slow down!” Matt reaches a hand out, snaking it around your waist to steady you. A blush creeps up to your cheeks as you hold on to his bicep in an attempt to steady yourself even more, “I’m drunk.”
“I know, baby. I can tell,” he keeps his grasp tight on you, kicking his shoes off, and leading you to the bedroom. Needles and pins stick into your feet with every step you take, making you take a mental note to never wear those heels again. Matt pushes his bedroom door open revealing his messy room. He never made his room look nice unless he was expecting someone you. In a way, you found it comforting because you knew he didn’t fuck anyone during your breaks. Instead, he sulked, trying to find ways to make the situation better but it never worked. He never put in full effort, and he knew it. It killed him.
You take your spot on Matt’s bed, making yourself comfortable. “I’m gonna go wash up,” he tells you quietly.
“What nooo,” you stretch out, rising to your feet and stumbling in the process. “I told you I like it,” crossing your arms over your chest.
“Seriously?” He asks as he takes off his jacket, hanging it on the back of the door. “I thought you were kidding,” he chuckles. Even though he was still upset over the whole situation, he couldn’t help but think your drunken haze was the cutest thing. He loved how goofy and playful you were, like all the shyness disappears.
You reach out to him, taking the hem of his sleeve between your fingers, “I really wanted to be your Catwoman tonight, y’know,” giving him those seductive doe eyes you mastered years ago. That look made him crack every time.
“The least you can do is be my Batman,” filling in the gap between the two of you. You press your body against his and wrap your arms around his neck, “you missed me?”
Matt hangs his head, making sure he’s ear level to you, “I did,” growling lowly. He places a sloppy kiss on your earlobe and sending shivers down your spine. Matt's hands wrap around the back of your thighs, and he pulls you closer to him. It never failed, as soon as he got you in his possession, there was no keeping his hands off of you. The break ended right then and there.
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matt x reader#matt sturniolo imagine#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo imagine#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo fluff#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#chris x reader#frat boy chris#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo
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loving is terrifying — han jisung. best friends to lovers. accidental confessions (1.6k words)
in the midst of ranting, han jisung accidentally confesses he’s in love with you
“And if I burn the whole school down, would you bail me out of jail, Hanji?”
You’re still only a few sentences into the important speech you were asked to write, and you’re starting to feel agitated, chewed up pencil carving out your thoughts on paper before finding its way abandoned on your desk.
It’s been a few hours, and you’d chosen to put the pencil down lest you want to bring yourself to insanity.
Pretty lies usually come easy to you, but now they’re burning holes into your skull and flicking the ashes into your brain. In the reprieve, all you can think about is your anger for the authority.
“Bold of you to assume I won’t be your accomplice.” Jisung retorts from where he’s seated next to you on the floor, arms crossed behind his head as he leans against his couch.
“There’s just so much wrong in the system. Their code of rules deprive students of their creativity. Only the top students have a multitude of opportunities waiting for them. And don’t get me started on how the authorities put so little value into culture and societal issues. Everything is wrong, just wrong in all ways!”
There’s a word count in Jisung’s head on how many times you’ve said wrong in one sitting, but he’s looking at you with a hint of something in his eyes. Almost adoration.
“And we can change it by burning the school down?” A tone of amusement is laced in your best friend’s voice, though you fail to search for a trace of judgment.
“We can start there. Then the world.” You take the pencil back and fiddle with it between your fingers.
“The world? That’s very ambitious of you.”
You glare at him.
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t be by your side. I like ambitious.” Jisung smiles at you, making sure to lock his eyes with yours so you can see heavy genuineness where his pupils are. “What’s the next step then?”
“Climate change.”
Jisung throws his head back in quiet laughter, and the slight movement allows you a whip of his laundry detergent from the white shirt he’s wearing. “Okay, climate change.”
“You’re making fun of me.”
“I’m not!” His lips quirk up into a smile, eyes morphing from crescents to a full moon as he struggles to defend his name. There is still laughter even in the way he licks the inside of his cheek and takes your hands in his.
You fail to copy his laughter.
“Your eyes are upset. Are they directed at me?” Jisung softens his voice, only speaking one his laughter has boiled down. He pulls you closer than you already are, and you don’t notice the way he grabs the pencil between your fingers in the process to set it down.
“Of course not.” You mumble. “I’m mad at everything else, at everything wrong.”
A tally adds to his word count.
You sigh when you let go of his hands to take the paper in your own, eyes leaden as they scan across the sentences you had bullshited earlier. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to write this.”
“Just scream it out.”
“What?”
“Scream out what you actually want to say.” He grins.
You gape at him.
“I’m not screaming in your living room. Your neighbors are going to think someone’s being murdered.”
“Then just say it. Whatever you want to say. Everything wrong.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Okay, I’ll start then.” He smiles, and it’s heart-warmingly encouraging. “I wish it was easier to ground myself. I live in my head most of the time, and opening up is hard, and I wish forming any form of relationship wasn’t so scary.”
“Ji—“
“Okay, now your turn.”
“We are not going to ignore what you just said.”
“I said, your turn.”
“Jisung.”
“Please?” He places a hand over yours, and it’s enough for your brain to short circuit.
“Alright, fine. But we are going to talk about it later.”
“Now, what about those things that are wrong?” Jisung asks, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before letting go.
“Well, uh— our poor education system, that’s for one. And, the government. Blatant sexism too, how stupid the patriarchy is, how I still can’t parallel park for the life of me.”
You start with sporadic things, the ones that instantly pop in your head when you think about things that make you upset, and as you continue to talk, you dig a little deeper, and you don’t even realize you’ve stood up and your hands are flailing around like a salesman by the second.
“And, don’t even get me started on the transportation system. It’s so dumb how car-centered design came to be because how is it that the people who have access to private vehicles also have the easiest routes over the less fortunate who walk or commute? Like, why do we have to adjust to the roads?”
There’s a long list of things you want to say, finally letting loose and narrating all the things you’ve kept locked away in the back of your mind because you’re with the one person you can trust. When you meet Jisung’s gaze, he’s looking at you in awe.
“I hate how we’re branded as prodigies when we were younger. I hate the expectations that come with it, that we have to be great all the time, and, oh, this actually feels really good.”
Jisung chuckles at the way you come to a sudden realization, but he’s always known you were wiser beyond your years. “You’re brilliant.”
“Well, you have to say something too!”
Jisung fiddles with his fingers, trying to think of where to start. Though, the brilliance that is you and the opportunity of having this moment with you is enough motivation for him to follow suit.
“Uh, it’s so scary how superficial people are nowadays, and how so quickly they’re let down. It stresses me out how a single mistake could cost you so many relationships, but at the same time, who will stress out if not me? And it makes me realize how lucky I am to have the people in my life, and having an opportunity to talk like this really fuels my positivity in life, and it makes me realize even more how much I strongly feel like my life is for you guys, and there is nothing more important to me than being able to be a good person for you guys, like you. I wish I could be the bestest friend for you, maybe even more than that, but fuck, loving is so scary so I wish you’ll never find out how I’m so so in love with you— wait.”
The room falls silent and he’s thinking of a thousand different ways to die on the spot. He’s embarrassed. This is embarrassing, and he’s thinking it really wouldn’t be too late to jump off the bedroom window and hope for the best. A thousand different ways, maybe pretend he never said anything, stand still and maybe you’d think he wasn’t there in the first place. A thousand different ways.
“Han Jisung.”
“Soooo, haha, where were we in your speech again?”
Jisung doesn’t meet your eyes for the fear of rejection. He doesn’t think he has the heart to handle it right now, especially not after his accidental confession.
“Did you mean what you said?”
“About how superficial people are? Of course, it’s so scary. Hey, did I tell you about the tim—“
“Is being in love with me something wrong?”
He falls silent, and you can visibly see him start to panic, and his hands are pressed together as if in a prayer as he’s shaking his head profusely. “No, oh god no, it’s not. Honestly, it’s one of the only things I’m sure of, and that says a lot because I’m not sure of anything. I’m not even sure I’m in the right course or the right school or if I’m spending my money the right way, or if I’m even gonna live tomorrow, but fuck, loving you and everything about you is something I will never question.”
You can feel yourself start to smile, and Jisung finds himself copying you. It’s one of the first things he knew he loved about you—your smile, and the way you think, and the sound of your laughter. Despite his erratic heart beating and his fear of this exact moment, he still finds himself smiling when you do.
“I’m in love with you too.”
“What?”
You can visibly see the gears in his head turn, and he’s writing a story he doesn’t know the ending to just yet, but the beginning is so beautiful because it’s with you. Then, he laughs. It’s breathy, and you can almost hear the relief. “Did you just say you love me?”
“I did.”
“Oh my god. Oh my god.”
“I’m in love with you, Han Jisung.”
“I’m going to die.”
You laugh, and then he snaps back into reality.
“Can I kiss you?” His tone is so careful, but there’s a hint of something you can only recognize as a slight desperation—like he’s been thinking of it a while.
Jisung reaches out to wrap his arms around your waist, albeit a little shy. It’s a pattern that’s already so familiar. He isn’t a stranger to hugging you, in fact, he’s done it a million times, but the connotations to this one is a little different, and he can’t think straight at the possibility that you might actually consent to letting him kiss you.
“Okay.”
Words that haven’t left being translated into the motion of his lips moving against yours. Honestly, he doesn’t even know who went in for the kiss first. All he knows is his hands are gently rested on your waist and he’s actually kissing you right now, and you can feel the way he’s smiling into the kiss.
It takes a few minutes for you two to pull away, a little out of breath, and he leans in to try and kiss you again but your noses bump against each other’s, and the pair of you can’t help but laugh at how the events of the night had turned.
Jisung marvels at the way everything feels so simple, so right.
“I’m not dreaming, right? Like this is actually happening?”
You laugh even more.
Jisung’s always been afraid of venturing into the unknown, always kept his feelings hidden, and he’s always loathed his mouth for being so uncontrolled with the things he says. But now, with you in his arms, he couldn’t be any more happier about the slip of his tongue and how being with you feels like one of the rare rights among all the wrongs.
#han jisung x reader#han jisung x you#han jisung x y/n#han x you#han x reader#han x y/n#jisung x reader#jisung x you#jisung x y/n#han jisung drabble#han jisung oneshot#han jisung fic#han jisung fluff#skz x reader#stray kids drabble#stray kids drabbles#stray kids one shot#stray kids scenarios#stray kids imagines#stray kids fic#skz imagines#skz fluff#skz scenarios#skz fanfic#skz han x reader
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this is just one aspect of the many reasons why @transformativeworks stance on allowing AI generated output to be archived on AO3 is not only hostile to its fan users, but to the artists who create the source material for the subsequently human-created transformative works.
this stance devalues not only the creative communal art that is part of the human experience being archived on AO3, but condones the devaluation of art production that is being pursued by profit-thirsty corporations on the other side of the WGA strike.
a pro-artist, pro-communal, pro-transformative stance must necessarily be anti-AI generated output being put on the same level as human created artistic expression.
@Passionweiss
#the position that 'well we can't enforce no AI text so them's the breaks' is bullshit#you can take an anti-AI stance while not taking a necessarily punitive approach#taking an anti-AI generated output stance means standing in solidarity with creative workers currently striking#and workers who are being brutally exploited to process the data to make large language models work#it's the bare minimum of an organization that defends human creativity#just take the stance - set the tone for the site and the community on it#allowing AI generated output to be equally valued on the site is confirming the devaluation of human creativity#and is fucking scab behavior
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Damn i really want to know tf happened in the writing room of arcane s2. Some of the downgrades were inevitable due to the show's corporate limitations (not being able to progress the class war story in a meaningful way, having to tie things back to league of legends in terms of making playable characters more appealing to well, play... rip Mel and Viktor in particular), sure. But i still feel like it's even worse than that? There are so many bad decisions that i couldn't even start listing them all... the characters, plot, pacing, themes, it's just such a mess? Even the dialogue writing, it feels much more mm Marvel at its worst i suppose. What i am most bothered by is probably just the straight up harmful messaging so um... Cycles of violence and abuse can be broken by individual decisions to become a better person! Got nothing to do with systemic oppression, living conditions, mental health issues, you can just conveniently ignore aaall the social context, live laugh love and then things get better automatically yep, oppressors famously stop oppressing you when you show them that you're harmless and won't put up a fight anymore. Literally three out of three suicidal characters dying to redeem themselves? Not even in a tragic/cathartic way but in a bittersweet 'they finally atoned for their mistakes' way? Groundbreaking lmao. Romantic relationship between Vi and Caitlyn including no communication about their biggest fight, just conveniently skipping to sex and getting back together - would have loved that if it was framed as the unhealthy fucked up thing that it is, skipping over Vi's hurt and her background to once again become a cop, her girlfriend's direct underling at that (!) due to her not having any other support systems... But nope that was our cute lesbian romance wrapped up, a good thing all around, not concerning at all. Jayce telling Viktor that what he 'always admired about him' was his disability and his deadly disease (??? from a character who spent the whole s1 and first act of s2 desperately trying to help Viktor find a cure? sure) and that those imperfections don't need fixing, just wtf truly. Magic bullshit was also weird, some implications of 'natural magic is ok, but achieving that power through other means corrupts you into a crazy robot bitch or just wilts your trees i guess', but tbh it was written in such a weird and inconsistent way that we can skip this one... Yeah actually a lot of things were just such a mess that I feel silly pointing to specific moments or lines I didn't like, I mean duh, it barely makes sense as a story at all... I am happy we have s1 which comparatively was a masterpiece, and i also really enjoyed s2 act1, i truly believed it would lead somewhere good at the time, my mind still kind of cuts off the story at that point when i think about it, that WAS the open ending of the show to me (is it possible that there were rewrites? targeting act 2 and 3? idk, wishful thinking perhaps). Despite my extremely negative feelings about this season's conclusion i remain glad that so many people appreciate the show regardless, it is clear that there was STILL a lot of love in the process of its creation (although i'd argue that even some of the visual aspects of the show suffered in quality, once again i have to wonder about behind the scenes mood of it all) and i get very upset when i see creatives online despairing over reception of their projects even when i'm absolutely in the disgruntled crowd hahaha... ...however yeah, this wasn't great In a world that increasingly grows more and more right-wing politically... we really needed something different i think.
#tbh i also feel a little annoyed that all the league jayvik fans were right all along#i always rolled my eyes like oh shush changing the characters doesnt mean ruining them#and here we are#boo boo the fool jpeg#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane critical#negative#ranting#text#long post
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All of Aabria's subtle choices as Suvi make me absolutely feral.
Subconscious hand movements and freedom?
The not so secret machinations of The Citadel coming through??
Utilizing resources that haven't been mentioned in ages in the most creatively controlled chaos to bullshit her way through a witch confrontation???
I am unwell in best of ways & need to lay on the floor and process everything that happened in this episode.
#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#aabria iyengar#suvirin kedberiket#suvi the wizard#the wizard sky#wnb The Snake#vandal my beloved
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Finished chapter 1 of the original work with exactly 2,000 words.
#snoweytrashposts#snoweytalks#snoweyrambles#snoweyrants#random ramblings#my random bullshit#writing#creative writing#writing process
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I did not get into Game of thrones when it first started airing. In fact, I waited until it was long past it's heyday (around s6 or 7) to check it out because the marketing and the conversation surrounding it misled me into thinking it was nothing more than "grimdark" bullshit. As one famous YouTuber sarcastically called it "hot fantasy that fucks." So, I avoided Martin's work for literal years due to the impression that I got from online reactors and show-only casuals who did as you and a few others have described as his work being fundamentally misinterpreted.
Fortunately, I overcame my hang-ups, purchased the books (even the supplementary material) and fell down an entire rabbit hole of ASOIAF which led me to recognizing that this world he spent decades creating is far more complex than what had been portrayed onscreen. Regardless of the possibility of the books remaining unfinished (which I am fine with, personally), what George has created is a genuine work of art that I imagine took a tremendous amount of time and energy. So, for so many people online to behave like children and throw tantrums because they feel entitled to him (ew) instead of ushering forth more reasonable conversations and legitimate debates about the nature of his situation frankly makes me look at this fandom with a heavy dose of skepticism.
It is truly baffling to hear even professional critics and see articles describing George as being "ungrateful" or "unprofessional" when it has been well-documented just how often authors get locked out of the adaptation process and left to the wayside as consultants. Look at what happened to Rick Riordan and Christopher Paolini! George R.R. Martin is not the only author to have qualms with how a multimillion dollar studio has mishandled his creative work, and to act like he should remain silent just because he's amassed a certain degree of wealth is quite frankly, ridiculous. He shouldn't have to settle down, be grateful, and stay quiet because the greedy corporate executives and their media drones will get offended by actual criticism that could alter the perception of the adaption being revealed as mediocre for having departed from the source material.
TLDR: authors should be allowed to speak up about their art being sacrificed for commercialization.
Thank you so much for this message, anon! This needs to be talked about more, because I don't think a lot of commentators truly understand the vulgar, late-capitalistic sheen that seems to set in and slowly poison any ASOIAF adaptation. It honestly baffles me how quick some members of this fandom are to rush to the defense of, what is essentially (let's not be kidding ourselves here), a cashgrab by a giant corporation to the detriment of the actual artist and the actual creative foundation behind it.
Why else would "MAX" (if that is even their name) make another (or several other) ASOIAF adaptations? Not to stay true to any philosophical aesthetic vision, as it has become more than apparent with Season 2, but to increase shareholder profits by appealing to the lowest common denominator. Even the basic premise has been shifted in order to address popular trends and satisfy the mindless consumer that doesn't want to engage with anything deeper than their favourite tropes, prettily packaged:
from a story about a doomed ouroborous family superimposed on the pitfalls of feudalism, with villainy and heroism to be found on both sides, it has been simplified and reduced to a narrative that exalts white feminism and disqualifies anyone who opposes its girlboss protagonist. This is Sheryl Sandberg's version of Fire and Blood.
Truly, I think Sara Hess did (unintentionally) outline it the best: "civilians don't matter in Game of Thrones". They don't matter in Game of Thrones, but they matter in A Song of Ice and Fire. The entire heart of the series is contained in Septon Maribald's speech. The writers "kind of", must have forgotten, though.
#she sure showed her entire ass with that comment#that and (to a lesser extent) 'oh i read the books a long time ago'. girl. we can tell.#(and don't think i'm letting ryan condal off the hook - he is the main shill in this equation)#ask#anon#grrm#house of the dragon#hotd s2#also i'm not in any way able to speak on grrm's behalf here because i don't know the man's prior financial situation#but a lot of writers would probably sell the rights to their books if asked#because it would finally mean they would have financial stability#in a field that pays notoriously very little. it's very difficult to support yourself as a professional writer. you'd have to sell a ton#and there's no saying when your popularity will suddenly declin and the cheques stop coming. what if you never have another good idea again#so do not be so quick to judge writers for 'selling out' or whatever the hell. they're trying to make a living too
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dear calware, I'm not sure how much you know on the topic of Doc Scratch, but I was wondering, why is the common consensus around him that he's like a creepy pedophile? after rereading his messages with Rose, he seems more tone deaf and weird than a fully on creep. is there something I'm missing?
scratch isn't "literally" a pedophile (or a hebephile, which is the accurate term for this situation) which we know because of this
but at the same time, that is still the Way he's written
(i'm sorry if this following explanation is confusing.... i really do not have the right wording to describe it) it's almost like a metaphorical representation. he's a child predator in every way but the actual sexual attraction. the way he's written references the behavior of actual child predators and is meant to signal to the audience that this is the Kind Of Character he is. it's a literary tool(?)to tell the audience that he is literally taking advantage of characters in various ways (as well as straight up abusing damara) while at the time comparing it to child sexual abuse
but if you do want literal actions on his part, he does Literally groom young girls and they are his targets for manipulation
also, directly from the author commentary (which. is not 100% serious at times. but i do think it sometimes offers some actual insight):
I know I just said a bunch of stuff about [DD] maybe being a creep. But look, this is just my OPINION here. I don't think he's actually being creepy about this. I think he has a genuinely parental attitude toward Aradia and wants to see her succeed in her violent and underhanded schemes. See how he wants them to conduct their business with efficiency? He's way too professional to go Full Doc on these girls.
Another peek at Rose suggests she's still at it with her creepy uncle, Doc Scratch.
Then you have a few beats of conversation which bring Equius to mind, such as the creep-factor
[Dirk and Equius] have this creepy-guy streak running through them, with strange or offputting interests, and seem to get a quiet kick out of making others uncomfortable through demonstrations of these fascinations. [...] I'd say these self-examined qualities are just drawn out, isolated, and inflated both for dramatic effect, and also as critical write-up of those qualities existing within many human beings in general, which I would like to think is grounded in a creative process involving a certain degree of humility about some of this bullshit. I like all these characters here, but that doesn't mean I think their unpleasant qualities are good. It just means I am harnessing and heightening those qualities for creating strong villainous portraits.
We start getting the sense that the entire purpose of this conversation, from Doc's vantage point, is just to passive-aggressively manipulate Rose into peering directly into one of his cursed testicles. Wait, my youth pastor is literally barking like a dog right now for some reason. Probably because I put him on a leash and tied him to a post in the backyard. I guess I fucked up again? I mean one of Doc's seeds.
Maybe it's fair to say I have a higher than average tolerance troubling content. But even I have to admit to shuddering a little when I read Doc's creepy lines toward Rose. I think Doc's creep factor toward girls is most likely channeling part of Caliborn's personality, which almost seems to revolve around his horrid attitude toward women. For Caliborn, this weird combination of wrathful misogyny, yet fixation and obsession with certain girls, is obviously central to the type of real-world profile he's meant to portray. But when his personality is more muted among the collective in Doc's head, those qualities come across as more "restrained," "polite," and "flattering," which arguably just makes it all creepier. The result is a creepy dude profile that also exists in the real world, sort of adjacent to the Full Caliborns out there. There seem to be many stripes of this kind of unfortunate male behavior, which all exists in a broader family of sub-Caliborns. The Docs, the Eridans, the Cronuses… They're all sketchy in different ways.
Doc sitting back just to "watch" is another creepy Equiusism. Remember that was a thing with him.
I wonder what Jade would think if she knew she had in her possession since childhood one of Doc's testicORACLES!!! Oracles. The word I meant to say was oracles, not anything else. Anyway, like I was saying, how would Jade react if she realized every time she played with one of her beloved toys, she was actually fondling this weirdo's plump, juicy oracle. I know you think my youth pastor may have something to do with this peculiar outburst, but you're wrong. I "dismissed" him recently, because he told me with great pride that I learned everything he had to teach me. I don't need anyone to keep me from shoving my foot in my mouth anymore, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know. Now let's watch this grieving teen receive a demonic message from an evil puppet's big fat nut.
bonus commentary from book 6 that has nothing to do with the post:
We're reaching a specific kind of story partition. Not the end of an act, but the end of a year. Also an end of "disc," which is a kind of meta-partitioning I just made up for the purpose of closing the book on two years of content, as well as being a good meta-device for introducing the Doc sequence we're about to get into in the next book.
"next book"...... sad
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Do you ever start something as a joke and lose complete control over your life?
In a world of dwindling hope, love has never mattered more... [read the full blurb here]
What is Hunger Pangs?
Hunger Pangs, often shortened to “Phangs” by the self-proclaimed phangdom, is my debut romance novel, published in Nov 2020, featuring a deaf, disabled werewolf, a neurodivergent, mad scientist vampire, and an all-powerful enchantress who is the last of her kind.
It is the first book in a slow-burn, polyamorous gaslamp fantasy romance series focusing on the relationship(s) and antics of the three main characters, Nathan Northland, Vlad Blutstein, and Lady Ursula, as they work to save the world they love from imminent magical and ecological disaster.
The first book primarily focuses on the relationship between Nathan and Vlad, with Ursula heavily alluded to in the next book (Pride and Folly) via some shameless flirting and stolen, impulsive kisses.
No love triangles here. Just three highly competent, world-saving bisexuals sharing the same brain cell the closer they get to each other.
There are two editions of the novel. The Flirting with Fangs edition depicts on-page sexual acts, and the Fluff and Fangs edition which uses alternative scenes/fade-to-black scenes for those who prefer not to read depictions of sex. You can read more about why I decided to do this here.
How Did Phangs come to be?
Like most things on my blog, the original concept began as a joke. My friend and enabler, @jeneelestrange, and I were talking about our least favorite tropes in romance/erotica, including but not limited to toxic “alpha” werewolves, brooding stalker vampire boyfriends, and the absolute profound bullshit that is the Conflicted Love Triangle and Bury Your Gays.
Eventually, it culminated in this post:
(source)
It was meant to be a joke. I really cannot emphasize this enough. It was meant to be a shitpost between friends.
A throwaway ADHD impulse.
Tumblr, however, wanted more of these posts, and like a swarming mass of drift-compatible rats in a trench coat, grabbed hold of my lack of impulse control and Ratatouille'd me into becoming an international bestselling author, and, well, here we are.
I also started writing the series while dying, which I highly do not recommend as a functional creative process.
Absolutely do not start a 500k five-part novel series about love and hope while dying from an undiagnosed genetic disorder. Or if you do, make sure you actually die so you don't have to edit the damn thing. (I am mostly kidding.)
What are the themes/tropes/character dynamics of the book?
In the simplest of terms, Phangs is a queer-polyamorous-paranormal-satirical-romance series featuring vampires, werewolves, and all other manner of creatures that go bump in the night.
It is set in a pseudo-regency meets fake-Victorian Gaslamp Fantasy world, complete with gothic castles, enchanted forests, and just a smidge of industrial coal dust.
Style-wise, Phangs has been described by readers as "like reading the queer, goth love child of Terry Pratchett meets Jane Austen," and I've never been more proud of anything in my life.
If Game of Thrones ascribes to the idea that the night is dark and full of terrors, Phangs is the monster-fucker politely sidling up to them at the bar and asking if they can buy them a drink.
It is also primarily a love letter to fandom, which has led some people to believe it’s fanfiction with the serial labels filed off. But as the person who spent five years agonizing over the world-building, I can assure you this is all very much the product of my weird little ADHD brain picking up tropes, shaking them upside down, and running off with whatever fun and interesting things shake loose.
As already stated, the first book, True Love Bites, focuses primarily on the relationship between Captain Nathaniel J. Northland and Viscount Vlad Blutstein.
The first part of the book primarily focuses on Nathan coming home injured from war and trying to find his place in the world as newly deaf and disabled -- something which alienates him from his werewolf family, who don't know what to do with an injury that can't be mended by a full moon.
While working on the island of Eyrie, he encounters Viscount Blutstein -- Vlad-- a neurodivergent, mad scientist dandy vampire with an enthusiasm for demonic botany and a streak of unfailing kindness as broad and expansive as the sky.
It's not so much love at first sight for the pair as instantaneous lust hampered by the restrictions of polite 1880 society and old ingrained prejudices that make them think the other couldn't possibly be interested in them that way. They're just misreading all those heartfelt stares and sexually charged chess games.
(The love is requited, your honor, they're just idiots.)
Both characters are explicitly queer/mspec, as is Ursula, who drops into their world like a magical atom bomb going off, but not before she spends her own parts of the book desperately trying to figure out what manner of dark entity is killing the magical shrines around the world that keep the world alive.
Thematically, the series touches on many things, but the book’s overriding theme is love. Romantically, of course, and love between families, both found or otherwise. But also love as an act of courage. As a choice. An act of defiance in dark and troubling times, and what it means to be loved and belong even though you’re different.
Especially when you’re different.
And I really fucking hope you enjoy it.
To read the full synopsis and check out the heat ratings, buy links and content tags, go to www.joydemorra.com
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Okay, now that everybody's had some time to process and gotten some of the doomposting out, here's my thoughts on the whole situation.
First of all, I'm not really worried about whether or not RWBY will continue in some capacity. It's uncertain, sure, but no more than it was already. In February we got the update that they were talking to potential partners about getting volume 10 made, so clearly they weren't just relying on Rooster Teeth and Warner Brothers for it - maybe one of those companies will pick it up, maybe a different company will, either way I'm sure it *will* be picked up by somebody and unless they get real unlucky, the show won't be much worse off than it was before - if anything it might be better off, considering that WB have been shitty about animation for quite a while now (if you're not already familiar and you're up for some extra research, I recommend looking into the Coyote vs ACME situation that's been going on recently for a great example of WB's bullshit). And while it's unclear exactly how much involvement the original crew will have in the show's future, I'm pretty optimistic about it. I doubt the writers are going to let go of creative control without a fight, if for nothing else then for Monty - I don't like focusing too much on the whole Monty's Legacy stuff in general, but I do think that the crew are going to want to keep their friend's work alive and authentic and as accurate to what he wanted it to be as possible. None of this is a certainty of course, but I think RWBY is gonna be fine, things will just be kinda rocky for a bit.
With all that being said, while this may end up ultimately being a blessing in disguise for RWBY as a franchise, it sure ain't one for everybody who worked at Rooster Teeth. This entire situation is still horrible - so many people being fired on the spot, effective immediately, with no warning and with several of them only finding out by seeing articles about it being posted on Twitter, it's fucked. I know Rooster Teeth wasn't exactly lacking in controversy and problematic behaviour, to put it lightly, but there were still plenty of amazing people there who are now in a really shitty situation. On top of that, while again this isn't exactly anything new, especially for WB, it is the latest instance of a huge problem in the animation and entertainment industries. So no matter how things pan out for RWBY, we should still be really fucking mad about this.
And we definitely shouldn't be celebrating. I've seen some posts saying "good riddance" and celebrating RT's downfall, not just from people who hate RWBY (I mean don't get me wrong I'm sure the hatedom is out in full force but that's not the kind of thing I'm referring to right now), but people who like/used to like the show and just hated the company. And don't get me wrong, I didn't like a lot of things about the company either, I've actually been wanting RWBY to separate itself from RT for a pretty long time (be careful what you wish for I guess 💀), but there's a time and a place and this certainly ain't it. Plenty of people who have worked there have said that they loved their jobs, plenty of others said it was horrible and toxic and nightmarish, but either way a job is a job and in this industry work isn't always easy to find, especially in recent years. Celebrate in private if you want, but now is not the damn time to be bringing out the cake and confetti.
TLDR; I'm cautiously optimistic about RWBY's future, I'm pretty sure it'll be fine and they'll be able to keep the core crew to at least some extent, but this is still a really bad situation for everybody who just lost their jobs, don't be a dick.
#rwby#rooster teeth#what the fuck else are people tagging these kind of posts with uh#warner bros#I guess#anyway sorry if I sound kinda miffed in this post I'm just really tired. of a lot of shit#oh and just to be super 100% clear - even if RWBY had been just straight up cancelled the most important thing is still the workers#focus on giving them whatever support you can and don't pressure them to talk about the show and it's future#which I imagine most of you already know but just to be crystal clear on all this
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could you do fernando alonso imagine where he’s a sugardaddy and she’s a student in college ? reader is around 22 and the relationship originally started out with no feelings just sex, because he had a no falling in love rule, but then they both fall in love with each other ? thank you 💕
𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 / 𝑭𝑨𝟏𝟒
pairing: sugar daddy!fernando alonso x fem!reader
word count: 3.0k
author's note: shout out to my girl @loomiscorpse who help me during the creative process of this one 🤎 also, i went a little different with the "no falling in love rule" but nothing crazy
warnings: significant age gap (reader is 22, fernando is 41), brief mentions of sex, brief descriptions of oral (female receiving), not meant for minors.
reblogs, feedbacks and likes are appreciated. support your content creators!! 🫶🏽
➜ 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚 𝟏 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
· ┈┈┈┈┈┈ · ༓ ༓ · ┈┈┈┈┈┈ ·
You decided to follow one of your friend's tips and find a different kind of financial help. At first, you thought it was bullshit, but after you saw her getting tons of money, wearing different designer clothes every day, and going to all the most expensive places, you just needed to know her secret. There's no way a college student could afford all that, you thought. And when she opened up to you about her "sugar relationship", you thought the worst. That's prostitution, but she promised you it wasn't. She swore she wasn't sleeping with her so-called "sugar daddy". So you decided to give it a try and find one for yourself.
She got you into an exclusive website, where you found some rich older guys who were looking for company and a young girl to spoil. Some of them reached out to you, but they were kinda boring, and their interests were only about wine, golf, etc. When you came across a Formula 1 driver, you thought he would be one of those guys, that he would want to talk to you about vintage cars or his career. Unfortunately, you didn't know anything about cars, nor about F1, but when you started to chat, he never mentioned anything about cars or his professional life. Not once.
You frequently chatted with him on that website, but you had no idea how to approach the only subject that mattered to you; money. He was so nice to you, you didn't want to seem like a gold digger. Eventually, he started to tip you, and you didn't even ask for anything. He invited you to dinner, and you got a chance to know each other better. One dinner turned into another, and another, another... And he bought you small gifts, mostly pretty dresses that you wore for him every night you were supposed to meet each other.
Today you wore a silky green gown he gifted you the last time he took you to dinner. You entered the restaurant, giving the name "Alonso" so that the waiter could take you to your table.
This time he chose an italian restaurant, where you'd be eating to candle lights. He was a romantic man... even if he kept you waiting for half an hour. And while you sat there all alone, you sipped on an expensive glass of wine that cost almost your entire rent, that he obviously would pay for making you wait.
"I'm so sorry it took me so long, hermosa..."
His voice captured you. Fernando had a thick spanish accent, that apart from his looks, you thought was the sexiest thing about him. Of course, you were there for the money, but you were not blind. You felt lucky that you got yourself some sort of sponsor that was not only very nice, but very handsome as well.
He greeted you with a kiss on each side of your face. He carried a strong, masculine, scent of sandalwood, that impregnated your nostrils.
"If you were so busy we could've had dinner another time" You watched as the spaniard took a sit on the other side of the table.
He frowned, obviously feeling your discontent "I had a couple of stupid interviews to give, I just didn't know it would take so long. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, Y/n"
"Sure..." You pondered, drinking your wine.
"And how's my favorite lawyer doing?" He tried to cheer you up.
"I'm not there, yet" You bit back a grin, your need for validation feeling quite happy with the title, "But I'm okay, I guess"
"What about college?" He asked, and called out for one of the waiters to bring in more wine for you both.
"Hmm... One of my professors is in need of an assistant, and it's paid work. It's not much, but it will help me a lot with rent, and the tuition, and..."
"Won't that get in the way of your studies?" Fernando interrupted you.
You could lie to him and tell him it wouldn't, but Fernando was no dumb man. And honestly, you were getting tired of having to look for small jobs every time the money got tight. You even thought of selling one of the dresses he gave you so you could pay for your college tuition, which was... pretty late.
Your silence spoke for you.
He sighed, "Why don't you ask me for anything?"
How could say you needed the money? Well, you got there because of it, but you didn't have the guts to ask for it.
"I don't know..." you muttered.
"You don't know?" Fernando questioned, "Y/n, I want to give you those things! The money means nothing to me. I won't let you be someone's assistant and have no time to study. Let me handle your college tuition, and your rent, okay?"
That was too good to be true. Fernando was too good to be true. He wasn't asking for anything and wanted to give you everything. But if there's one thing you learned being a law student, is that everything has a price.
"What can I do to pay you back?"
Fernando chuckled, "You catch things real quick, don't you? You're going to be a great lawyer" He gave you a flirtatious wink.
"Fernando." Licking your lips, you voiced in an accusatory tone, "I'm not a whore."
He frowned, quite offended by your statement "Y/n, it's not like that, I would never think that of you. Don't ever say that again."
"But you gonna ask me to sleep with you, aren't you?" You inquired.
"No..." Fernando smirked, "...unless you want me to ask you to." He purred in a low voice.
And then, it was like all the noises around you vanished. You both were there, at the restaurant, and suddenly you weren't. You couldn't recall how you got to his hotel room.
And you thought there would be some doubt or regret, anything that would make you stop it, but instead, you overflowed with lust and desire through your veins as his hands touched you, squeezing your thighs and ass. You deep sighed when his wet kisses found their way from your mouth to your neck, leaving bites on your soft spot. You almost moaned.
Fernando turned you on your back against the wall and unzipped your dress to help you out of it. His lips sucked on your skin, leaving remains of his devotion marked on you. He turned you back to him, slipping the silky fabric through your legs. Unconsciously, you covered your breasts as soon your dress touched the floor, and your intimacy was protected only by black laced panties.
He looked into your eyes, searching for any signs of hesitation in you. You startled him by attacking his lips in an urge, as the hands that once covered your breasts now tangled onto his hair. He lowered his lips to your chin, neck, and collarbone until eventually, they found your sensitive nipples. He sucked and bit on them until you became a whining mess, begging him to go lower. And he did as you asked, kneeling in front of you and placing one of your legs above his shoulder. A breathy moan escaped from your throat as soon as his wet tongue touched your warm core.
He made you cum three times that night. If you were being honest, your expectations weren't too high, and he gave you the best sex of your life.
When you thought it couldn't get better, there was the aftercare. There were the calls, the messages, the surprise gifts. He would always send someone to take you anywhere you wanted and pick you up as well, and when you got home, there were lots of flowers waiting for you. Chocolates. Clothes. Jewelry. He gave you everything you could ask for, and for none of it you did.
And most importantly, he listened to you. During your calls, you talked more about your essays and the constant university environment stress than he shared about his work and personal life. He liked to listen to you babbling about attorney shit that you learned during your classes. He admired your brain more than your body, and for that, you felt seen.
Fernando was different from every man that you ever had in your life. There weren't many, as you always prioritized your studies and never had much time for dating, but you had a couple of dates during your first year in university. You thought the rich people from your college would treat you like one of them, that they wouldn't care that you were not from a wealthy family because it wouldn't matter. But the boys only used you for fun, and the girls ignored your existence.
Fernando made you forget all that.
As the months went on, you eventually got attached to him. You missed him terribly when he was away. You even took some of your free time to study Formula 1, so you could understand a little more of his world and his passion for motoracing. You started to follow the races so you could cheer for him, blushing and giggling like a teen schoolgirl every time his face appeared on tv, or screaming excitedly every time he made it to the podium.
Even when he was away, you felt like you weren't alone anymore.
With time, you noticed that Fernando had established some unvoiced boundaries; You never really slept together. After sex, he'd let you sleep in his arms, but he would leave the room once you were snoozing. On your free days, he would take you traveling with him for the races, but never to the races. He'd leave you at the hotels, with his credit card so could go shopping if you wanted to. Perhaps he just didn't want to be seen with a woman at the paddock, but you never asked why, and you never asked him to take you there.
And then he surprised you.
Fernando was having a great time after he qualified on pole in Monza, so he took you to celebrate with him at his favorite restaurant, which he had reserved just for you both for the night.
But in the middle of a conversation, Fernando handed you an envelope.
"What's this?" You questioned, having it open.
After finishing reading the pieces of information written on the paper, you glanced up at him through lowered lashes.
Fernando cleared his throat, "You're a law student, so I'm hoping you won't be offended by it"
"You're having me sign an NDA?"
You tried to sound less hurt and more unbelieving, but the crack in your voice was giving away how you felt about the non-disclosure contract in your hands.
"Y/n, It's just proceedment. Actually, my lawyer said I should have asked you to sign this sooner." Fernando insisted, placing a pen on top of the table.
You peeked at the paper again, finding a very intriguing paragraph.
Clause 3: The relationship between the parties is entirely "professional", not being considered a romantic relationship.
Clause 4: The parties are obliged to keep the relationship strictly professional, in which, romantic feelings affect the breach of contract.
"The breach of any present clause will be considered a breach of contract, in which the parties must terminate the contact immediately." You read it out loud, "Jesus, Fernando! You're basically rubbing in my face that there's nothing serious between us!"
Fernando frowned, confused, "Is that a problem?"
Yes.
Your heart ached. You remembered the calls, the laughs, the intimate conversations, everything and every moment you shared with him.
Why am I so bothered by this?
That's when it hit you.
I'm in love with him.
You haven't even signed the contract yet and you already breached it.
Yes, that is a problem.
"No" You noted, dryly, "Except from the fact that makes me feel objectified. Like I am your whore."
"I asked you not to–"
He went silent once you grabbed the pen and signed the contract right in front of him.
"Thanks for the dinner, Nando. I'll meet you back at the hotel." You murmured before leaving the table.
You were officially forbidden to fall in love with him, like it wasn't obvious before with all the secret affair stuff. And now, you had to deal with your feelings or lose him forever.
Fernando stayed at the restaurant and ate dessert alone. He felt bad for offending you and wondered if the non-disclosure agreement was really necessary. It's been months and not once have you exposed him, nor questioned his decision to not go out with you in public.
Why would you?
Why wouldn't you?
Oh, now he felt bad about it.
Once he got back to the hotel, he went to your room to apologize. Fernando found you in bed, curled up and snoozing, still in the same dress you wore at dinner. He could have just left the room and closed the door, but laid with you, wrapping you in his arms and finally, for the first time, sleeping in the same bed with you.
You never spoke about the contract again, but you noticed how things started to change after that. He took you to the paddock for the first time so you could watch a qualifying session. He took you shopping with him, not minding the risk of being caught by a paparazzi. You held hands in public. He kissed you. He did all the things you thought it was forbidden for boundaries. And still, there was nothing but professionalism between you.
You were good at pretending. You were good at smiling even when something bothered you, at lying when something hurt you, and at doing something even when you didn't want to. You got there for the money but stayed for him.
But you couldn't take it anymore. Every week there was tabloid news where there were rumors of him and many different women, and none of them were you. Fuck, even Taylor Swift was one of them, but not you. You were nobody. He was somebody.
You had to let him go.
Once more, Fernando took you to a private dinner. This was the last you were going to see each other before he left for Abu Dhabi, but you had planned this to be the last time you'd see each other ever again.
"It's a shame you have to stay for your finals, I really wanted you to come with me." Fernando gushed, "The last time you went to see a race, I won. Maybe you're my lucky charm."
"Stop."
Fernando went silent. You took a deep breath and chose your next words carefully. You didn't want to hurt him, but you also didn't want that situation to hurt you even more.
"We can't do this anymore, Fernando" You looked down at your own hands, too afraid to face him, blinking to keep tears from falling, "I can't take it."
"You can't...? Y/n, what's going on? I thought you liked this. What is the problem, cariño?" He questioned, quite worried.
"The problem is that I like this!" You raised your head to look at him. The tears fell from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks ungovernably.
Fernando frowned, "I don't understand..."
"I like this!" Sobbing, you wept your tears, "I love the things you gave me! The things you did for me..."
"Did I do something wrong? Have I not given enough?"
You shook your head, sniffling "No. I signed the NDA. We must end this."
"So is this about the contract? Fernando speculated.
"Fernando..."
"If it's money, we can do something about it. I don't know, I can give you an allowance or something, but–" He pleaded, "–please don't do this. Don't leave me."
"I'm so grateful for you, but no money in the world is capable of buying me what I really want"
He pried, "What do you want, Y/n?"
"You!" you bawled, "Shit, no designer dresses are compared to the way you kiss me! There's no jewelry, no fancy restaurant, no expensive hotel that gets close to the way you make me feel. I love you so much..."
"You love me?"
"...more than I can put into words, Nando."
Fernando stared directly into your eyes like you were in a staring contest. He analyzed every inch of your face, capturing your features like a photograph. His face didn't show any clue about what was going on in his mind. He didn't say a word. He just stared, and you couldn't look at him anymore. You felt rejected.
"It's okay, I know you don't feel the same, I know I'm not the kind of woman you would fall in love with. I get it. And, as you said, I'm a law student, the contract said..." You started another sentence without looking at him.
"You don't get it, do you?" He interrupted, getting over your words, "I do like you, y/n. In fact, you're the exact type of woman that I would fall in love with, and I did. Otherwise, you think that I would be taking you to places where you would be seen with me? I've been treating you like a girlfriend for ages by now." He beamed, gazing up at you. "The contract is over, ok? After that night, I felt miserable, knowing that I hurt your feelings and never gave it to my lawyer, so let's forget all this contract thing and move on. What do you think?"
Fernando was calm. You could see this in his eyes, and also, he was telling the truth.
"You should've told me that..." You grinned, still sobbing, watching him take your hands in his, "I've been faking smiles, silently comparing myself with all those girls that are rumored to be dating you, Nando. You don't know how terrible and hurt I felt..."
Fernando pressed a kiss on the back of your hand and entwined your fingers to his.
"It doesn't matter. You're the one for me. The only one I want."
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read a spin-off about this story here
#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso imagines#fernando alonso x you#fernando alonso x yn#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#f1 x you#fernando alonso
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