#crazy that ive done that this time cause i dont always do a two weeks

[kelly-danger]

I think the weed-withdrawl-mania-not-sleeping-last-night and anxiety cocktail really made for an exhilarating call when I asked to put my two weeks in today

[everynya]

when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers or moots (positivity is cool) 💖

HELLO NAT!!!! WAVES MY ARMS AROUND

SALUTATIONS ARSENE!! i’m so sorry i took forever to get to this i was in a very bad headspace, but ty for the ask! no one expect too much from me post wise these days i just felt bad i hadn’t answered this yet (imagine u are my 10 favorite followers and i send this to u 10 times cause ngl…i’m just gonna let whoever wants to do it do it, so oomfies if u see this u get my pass to do this cause i cannot have faves!)

hello and welcome to nat’s current top 5 radio hits. i shall share and explain each one like a maniac (i yoinked my top songs i heard these past weeks from my airbuds app)

⭐️ CamGirl >.<!!! - Villiano Antillano

⭐️ Oh Qué Sera? - Willie Colon

⭐️ In The End - Drake Bell

⭐️ Mr. Bass - A.C.E.

⭐️ Run Away To Mars - Khoi Dao, Geoff Bisentte

5. to start off, even if you dont know spanish i recommend her so much…Villiano is a puertorrican trans woman who has been revolutionizing rap for women and does so especially in her album this song is from called Miss Misogyny, let me say THE SONG IS GOODDDD its about sex work and the control and empowerment and the lack of shame and taboo around these things, its one of her many songs in the album that in an interview she says was made for female rappers to claim rap as their own by writing her own songs that dont put women down and are about the control they should have in their music…ive been listening to Villiano since one of the collab songs she did with a popular dj that blew her up years ago and ive enjoyed what shes done. its a trap song so maybe not everyones cup of tea but yeah

4. this song is really good, spanish song of the week i loop. thank fuck it wasnt a reggaeton song. but this song is by a puertorrican (though the song was originally by a brazilian artist, willie reinterpreted the song after a trip to brazil he had) thats generally about believing in things and finding in a sense a love for the unknown, its a really good song that uses a lot of metaphors

3. I can’t share why for this one, sorry, but anyway it’s a good song!

2. this one isnt in my airbuds top songs this week at all. but. anyway. ace. MR BASS NE MAMEUL ULLINEUN RIDEUM MR BASS DALKOMHAN NAUI SOKSAGIME JUNGDOKDOEGO MAL GEOL MR BAS CANNN YOUUU FEEEEL NE IPSURUI TTEOLLIM MR BASS AAAHH MR BASS AHHH

1. OKAY. OKAY. run away to mars but covered by khoi dao (voice actor) makes me all kinds of levels of crazy and every few days i loop it. first of all, this specific va is the voice claim for my oc f/o actually! khoi is such a great guy and ive always adored his voice and i cannot ever unhear the idea of the stupid idiot i made in my head sounding like him. its a very classic ‘liking a song cause you imagine your f/o singing it’ AND ITS SO ON BRAND FOR HIM ANNNDDD MY SHIP. the song fits him and my insert stupidly well

the song underneath has very sad undertones, i feel i can rlly relate to it rn but ill talk abt it more on my ship. its really befitting of these two (esp emi aka the f/o) given the fact that the song not only has the kind of energy where if you dont listen deep enough you can miss its meaning and just enjoy its energy which is very on brand for him but also its so heavily focused on escapism and insecurity in a way where it KILLS ME. the part of ‘three two one i miss you, im sorry i got issues’ makes me sick cause he would truly apologize over the mere fact of having emotions because he tucks them so far away he doesnt believe theyre even real or his (in a way, hes the one who ‘runs away to mars’)…his escapism in a sense is nayla, in the idea that he becomes focused on her faded colors or more so her issues and so he loses what is home and ‘how long till im discovered’ by not just anyone else but himself, he doesnt find on his own that hes having a hard time with himself.

none of this made sense and theres way more to it, but the amount of times ive been unable to not associate these two w this song…. like sorry that my current obsession rn is a ship of two characters i made and makes no sense to anyone but me

[megacarapa]

new needlepoint - i want to live here so fucking bad

this is wiehler needlepoint 2317 "es klappert die mühle am rauschenden bach" (the mill rattles by the rushing brook), which i actually just now learned is named after a german children's song - its pretty cute!

i was gonna put the process pics at the end of the rant but then the rant ended up too long so here they are at the beginning, i also added the dates each picture was taken =)

this is my first wiehler needlepoint out of 5 i got from the mentors at the embroidery workshop (originally 4 but i got another one just this week), FOR FREE, which is crazy to think about since the kits for these things arent that cheap to buy, but they gave them to me bc they were just sitting around with no one planning to actually make them

needlepoint used to be more popular over here back in ye olden days and it even used to be taught in home ec class, so both my grandmas, mom and even DAD used to make them in school, which i never knew about bc by the time i was going to school home ec classes were long gone from the curriculum, which sucks because it would have been awesome to learn stuff like this as a kid

out of the 5 kits i got, this was the smallest so i decided to do it first, the rest of them get progressively bigger and bigger until the last one which is kind of mind bogglingly huge, will i really be able to finish all of these? im honestly not sure, but i dont mind the idea of having something to work on that could take me my whole life (or like, 5 years)

these needlepoints are also different from the ones ive done up til now cause instead of the picture being printed onto the cloth, here you get an empty cloth with only counting squares printed on it and you need to follow the pattern from a paper, which i already got practice for by working on that llama cross stitch and got used to with no problem

there was one thing though, this is the only kit out of the 5 that didnt actually have the standard cloth with the squares on it (there was also some string missing, so i think the thing is that someone else had already made this kit before and what i got was the leftovers), bc of that i simply bought some new needlepoint cloth and drew the squares on myself, which led to....

honey i shrunk the needlepoint, SO YOU SEE THE THING IS, i didnt check what the squares on the cloth i did get for the other kits actually looked like, i simply assumed the squares would be normal 10x10 squares like in the picture, so thats what i drew by hand, but theyre actually supposed to be 20x20, and youre supposed to do a specific stitch called gobelin stitch where 2x2 of space is considered 1 stitch, idk if im explaining any of this well but basically if i had known this and done it correctly the finished work would have been pretty much the same size as the pattern on the picture

i know all of this now and the next needlepoint ive started since then will be the correct size, but either way i think the tiny one has its own charm and looks great anyway, its adorable!! im kind of obsessed with it, the green frame also looks great and ahh i just love it sm😭

heres the back

and size comparison with my previous ones

its a little bebe needlepoint🥺

it keeps happening that at the very end when these have finally been framed, i always notice one or two squares which i forgot to fill in, but i dont really mind it, and its fun asking people to try and find them🤣 (but dont bother trying to find them yourself bc they cant really be seen in these pictures)

i also accidentally swapped the two shades of green for the tree but the shades are so similar you literally cant see it, and i also ran out of the darkest blue shade and had to buy a new one, but couldnt find one that was similar enough, so you can actually see on most of the pics that the dark blue part to the left of the tree is a darker shade than on the right, but again, who cares, i just like jotting down as much of the process as i can remember in these posts🤣

thanks for reading!!

[prince-tulip]

Im so terrified. I dont want to get hurt. Its not even been a month and i am so fucking obsessed and invested and i definitely want to be, i know what i feel and do want but its like damn I got hurt so fucking devastatingly bad this year that literally killed me, the levels of despair i cannot feel again, i am not strong enough for that, i barely have made it back to reality and its like as soon as i get the hang of things, things get crazy again and its like everything is exactly how ive always wanted them to be right now and i couldn't be more happy cause i truly know what i feel and when things are at its best, god its so fucking perfect but i feel im not able to talk to anyone yet or be more open about stuff cause i feel like a secret, like ill get casted out again..like i worry i am getting kept in the dark so i dont see or experience something bad, like for example they dont have me on their social media at all and i feel weird and scared about asking or getting on there and getting triggered by something and that maybe im just being used for validation and as a rebound because im so forgiving and easy to talk to or something.. in return its causing me to not know what's really happening, am i what they want? Are they talking to anyone else? Do they think so highly of me like i do them? Do they recognize the way we move together and talk to eachother? Is it as meaningful to them as it is me? Its like i know would lie about where they were or what they wang and their true intentions before, so why wouldn't they lie again? But at the same time thats not fair, cause its like i coukd very well be accused of being shitty too and still actually not be doing anything shitty and its like man..i feel like ive been living a honest and decent life, i maybe do keep to myself a bit much but i just enjoy my company and also not feeling like i have to explain myself caused ik people often times feel they have a say in things when they do not..i dont think bad things are happening behind my back the last two weeks or so and things have been magical and passionate and full of conversations, synchronized behavior, mutual understanding, growth, literally alway being able to meet in the middle on something, the dynamics i adore, we are so different but so much alike and I love it with all my being and im continuesly betting on the good things but that first week and a half idk..things seemed really off at certain moments that maybe hinted at things but again i can get very paranoid and of course cant control someone's actiona..I just dont want to throw awayy boundaries in attempts to please and i feel ive done that already in a lot of ways but by simultaneously finding such new perspectives and found love that was always there just stuck and idk i guess the feeling of trust has become so hard this year. Ever since January and in between i felt very used and thown away and lied to because i was to a degree i guess and even if ive done wrong in the past and yeah did i royally do some stupid fucking idiot type shit but ik it doesn't justify getting hurt back and i had to really come to terms with that. I had let go of that crazy person in me that would stay up two days straight crying and obsessing over what was and what is and whats happening without me, while drunk or high out of my mind constantly and go through the loneliness, the guilt, the shame, the loss all on my own in a small room with literally no one to talk to and forcing myself to come as close to dying as possible and finally move on from everything aweful in my life ever and do my best to block out every single god aweful image or notion in my head that i would get, causing insecurities and paranoia that i didn't know i was capable of...im really trying to make sense of everything cause everything is so fucking touchy right now but still having to push through and communicate and understand and love with all of my heart and vice versa I think wins every time and i feel life has been showing me that

[arlecchno]

that . dream sounds disturbing :D for some reason nowadays ive started to get more disturbing dreams as well ? they cant be described as nightmares because well i wasnt exactly scared ?? by them but they were ,,,, yk . disturbing . idk maybe im too desensitized to things my brain just either emotionally damages me or is like HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT [ throws random disturbing thing / content ] in my “nightmares” sometimes -

NOT THE LONELINESS 😭😭 i relate except im may or may not be legitimately lonely lmfao . a lot of those frickin popular uquiz quizzes call me out for it and im like “🤠⁉️”

lmao haitham is picking up cynos humor ?? not clickbait real ???? memes aside thanks for more portrayal validation i love rping alhaitham ( esp with kavehs ) theyre so fun - oh yeah i also have this

ngl since i have an alhaitham pfp on discord , i was kinda reading my messages in his voice cuz i was slandering language LMAO ( imagine alhaitham pronouncing “balogna” the way its spelled . made me giggle ngl )

im pretty sure aster has been my oc for almost a year now ( I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS THAT LONG BEFORE GODDAMN - ) so they have . an unholy amount of lore at the moment . i rlly need to modify the lore though because me and my friend ( we both made genshin ocs and theyre like partner ocs ) made our ocs before the release of sumeru where we got more information about irminsul and the leylines — which was vvvvvv important for my friends ocs lore — so now a lot of our stuff is either minorly outdated or some of our lore would just make a lot more sense done a different way 😭😭

even tho asters forever home ( well , as long as dilucs around ig ) is dawn winery , they travel teyvat a lot , which ties into their original name :D they wander the world too lmao ( its totally not an excuse to make them friends with all the character i like wdym hahahahahahahhaha ) . NGL THEY PROBABLY ALL MET AT THE TAVERN - whenever asters in mond ( a lot of the time bc obviously their house is there ) they work at angels share and like aster would walk into the tavern for the first time for like . a drink . dunno what kind of drink but then they just SEE this random ass kid from THEIR FALLEN ASS NATION and go “WTF” and promptly find out he is a fucking dumdum stoopid head and then regret ever coming to this place /j at the beginning kaeya and aster probably did argue at the bar a lot , these two khaenriahns WILL cause diluc to lose his sanity but its okay because then they can all cuddle by the fireplace when theyve all agreed that theyre okay with eachother ( they love eachother /p theyre just all in denial . ) . overall ragbros + aster relationship is just pure chaotic fluff and angst - sometimes they go out to murk all the fatui outside in mondstadt ! fun !! and oh god i typed WAY TOO MUCH ON THIS LMFAO

THE VOID BRICK WALL LMAO ah yes such a beauty is the unknown of the brick wall , it contains all the vastness of the universe in one block and you may observe every galaxy in its grain . also NOT THE TREE CRASH 😨

WHEKJDKDND YEAH I NEED A THOMA ROOMIE IF I EVER DECIDE ITD BE OKAY TO MOVE OUT IN THE FAR FUTURE BECAUSE I DONT THINK ID HAVE THE MENTAL ENERGY TO CLEAN THE PLACE ONCE A WEEK - and if i didnt id probably go crazy because i cant stand the feeling of dirt or sand on floors ….. bleh .

I ALWAYS STRUGGLE NO MATTER WHAT NATION LIKE . THERE WAS AN OCULI NEAR DAWN WINERY THAT I ALWAYS SAW THE DUMBASS SPARKLE TO ON THE MAP AND THEN IT TURNS OUT I NEED TO FLY A L L T H E W A Y UP SOMEWHERE TO GET IT LIKE . ARE . YOU . KIDDING . ME - it took me one whole year to figure out how to get that oculi . maybe im just stupid

omg you can NEVER mention dragonspine / winter patches around me im . IMPOSTER ALBEDO AND FELLFLOWER . they make me insane . i fucking USHXISJDIEIHDHSHAHAAAAAAAAA albedo / rhinedottir lore . alchemy in genshin impact lore . i am so . i will go feral the next time dorian / rubedo ( impostorbedo ) appears in story , wether it be event or not im . im insane thats what i am ………… hahaha …… 🤠

sometimes i forget people farm friendship exp .. im a super duper lazy player who absolutely despises grinding with my entire soul ( im the definition of “lore player” /hj ) i almost never switch out my team unless for fighting elemental bosses or enemies lmao -

DUDE MY CLASSES HAVE BEEN ACTUALLY SCREWING ME OVER WITH PROJECTS RN IM LOSING MY SANITY /nsrs im suffering so much . im losing so much precious sleep …… starts sobbing uncontrollably

i really like milk and white choccy too lmao - probs bc i just cant rlly handle bitter things but OH WELL ! my absolute favorite kind of chocolate is like any kind with strawberries / strawberry flavor in them , recently one of my friends shared some valentines chocolates she got from her boyfriend with our friend group and i gotta say that strawberry chocolate they had in there was ABSOLUTELY SCRUMPDIDDILYUMPTIOUS . it had pieces of dried strawberry too it was just . MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

DUDE where i live we have these things called mochi donuts and theyre so good ( ngl you can probably guess where im from just from googling mochi donuts lmao - ) regular donuts r yumyum good but mochi donuts are so satisfying to consume LMAO - but man i havent had a cinnoroll in AGES .. i think im just a pastry enjoyer in general lmao , strawberry , apple , and guava pastries are my life .

tbh i dont think any reply would ever be too long for me to read , like you could probably write me a 3 page essay as a reply and id sure as hell read it LMAO i ramble a lot too so that just makes the both of us 😋

HEIDJEKJD favorite song questions are so hard , right now id have to say either undercover martyn - two door cinema club if you just wanted my music taste im gonna list a bunch of artists now because i am a free advertising machine when i like things : owl city , the neighbourhood , chase petra , lovejoy , everybodys worried about owen , and uhhh everything from the epic: the musical sagas

ZE QUESTION ! whats your favorite like ambient sound ( city noises , water , leaves , etc etc ) and why :0

wOOO SATURN EMOJI 🪐🪐🪐🪐 I LOVE SPACE !! CYA NEXT TIME 💫💫

- jellyfish ( or alex idk lol )

oh my god HI AGAIN ALEX i'm sorry that i wasn't able to reply to this sooner 💔💔 my inbox has been wonky for some reason and it finally worked today (thank god), i hope this won't happen again 😔🤞 i miss talking with you so here's a really long reply hehe hope you don't mind!

i've had my fair share of disturbing dreams lmao, and i've also heard that if you get those kinds of dreams then it means you're dying early??? i don't really believe in superstitions though so i'm not exactly worried about it LOL

your alhaitham rps are hella funny LMFAO i always think of alhaitham of someone who'd slander a lot of things especially when it comes to languages (since he canonically speaks 20 languages), i also see him as someone who'd mispronounce words or pronounce words as exactly what they're written (like you said) and say it with such a straight face 😭 i feel like if you ever tried explaining it to him he'd be like "what do you mean this is pronounced as baloney? why is it even spelled as bologna if you're going to pronounce it so wrongly? what has this system become?" and i'm just going to be in the corner laughing my ass off at how blunt and unintentionally funny this man is

aster lore is back again!!!!! seeing you mention that aster was created before sumeru and how it's already been a year since their existence made me realize how long sumeru has been out for,, sooner or later we'll be getting fontaine in no time 😵 but back to aster! it always interests me how you have this whole background story of aster which is HELLA cool and stuff and how you keep up with the genshin lore too! i think it's such a nice touch for them to be related with the ragbros too— i can just see their silly little arguments and silly little moments they have together. i'm also sure as hell the moment aster sees the khaenriah eyes (well,, eye... to be specific) in kaeya they'd be like "oh hell no." too SJDJKJS it's just so funny thinking of the many scenarios of their first encounter could play out

oh trust me, i hate cleaning my room. if i ever have a roommate one day, i am praying to the lord that they're the most strictest person on earth so that they can make me move my ass around 😔 i'm just not the person who has the energy to do all that often

don't get me started. the oculis in mondstadt are actual hell. like i'm literally not kidding. how can they call it the nation of freedom when i have no freedom trying to get all those oculis when i was in such a low ar? /j

jokes aside the locations of those oculis in mondstadt were so... brutal. i remember using those oculi compass things and the locations they showed at stormterror's lair were so????? some of them were up at the sky and my low ar ass was so confused on how to get up there,, i also remember there was this one that was hidden in like a pillar and i actually had to get my ass up the highest hill there to fly down into that pillar because somehow they won't let me climb the pillar up... those were truly my darkest times lmfao

WINTER PATCHES!!!!! i really miss them haha i was so excited during the snowman event back then and i made a bunch of cute snowmans and taking pics of them with kazuha. hope hyv bring back the winter patches ASAP ‼️‼️ WE NEED MORE ALBEDO LORE ‼️‼️ also idk if you have done the windblume story event but just in case i'm still adding a spoiler alert;;

i'm guessing we got some rhinedottir lore? well it was only mentioned that she's apart of the hexenzirkel and she called herself a mother to albedo (despite the many things she's done that would say otherwise lmao). but fetus bedo in the cutscene is so cute hsjdjdjjs and it basically implied that his hair wasn't tied like that but instead he was created with that hair style 😭 bros really just magnificent without even trying

i'm so very interested with rhinedottir/albedo/durin/dorian lore like i just know that there's more to what we know currently.... but we probably won't be getting much anytime soon considering how deep rhinedottir's lore is sobs

LMAO i get what you're saying with being a lazy player,, i myself have been detaching myself off from genshin impact recently and it's quite relaxing‼️ i don't panic that i missed out on daily's anymore and i hope it continues that way 😭 i log in once in a while to do the events and disappear again for the next week

ahhhh the thought of school projects and assignments makes me squirm kwdjdjdj my break basically ended and i start school on monday so hahaha.... i'm back to hell again </3 so not ready for the heavy workload . hope you're getting enough rest!!! school is always so hectic hhhhh hope you're managing well

dried strawberries in strawberry chocolates????? SIGN ME TF UP(!!!!!!!! i love anything related with strawberries they're literally the best. thing. to ever. EXIST! mochi donuts sound so good looking at the pictures on google made me want to just . chomp them following the shapes one by one. donuts are absolutely scrumptious.

guava pastries?? :0 never heard of them but i'd definitely try them if i could ever get my hands on them, any pastry MUST be tried out by me‼️‼️‼️‼️ *evil laughing intensifies*

glad that i have someone to ramble stuff with!!! at least i won't suffer by keeping all this excitement to myself while rambling stuff on this blog ☝️

just listened to undercover martyn!!! i think it's kinda stuck in me now LMAO the sick beats are getting to me,,, and the beats lowkey remind me of remember when by wallows which is one of my favourite songs by the band!!!

OMG OWL CITY?? HAHA this is truly ironic because i used to love his wreck it ralph song when the movie came out!! this gave me so much nostalgia and kinda made me want to watch the movie again LOL 😭😭 overall your music taste is so>>>> you made me discover new artists like chase petra and lovejoy!!! i'm currently in love with beabadobee shdjdh some of my favourite songs from her currently are you lie all the time and dance with me 😋🤞

oh this question is interesting— i pretty much love oceans the most, if anything. the sound of waves and the chilly wind gives me so much comfort for some reason, and somehow the smell of saltwater never bothered me,, despite my dislike towards salt in general LMAO.

other than that, i think this might sound weird . but i kind of like the sound of the hustle and bustle of flea markets too. they can be kind of overwhelming sometimes because of screaming children and whatnot- but for some reason i enjoy listening to people talking with each other whilst buying stuff sjsklk very odd but it's interesting to see what other people are up to. it's so very fascinating to see the human life evolve and for me that's comforting somehow 😵‍💫

a question for you!!!! what's your favourite season and why :D

i better not get ahead of myself with my rambling and end this off here. hopefully my inbox won't shut down again like last time!! i was so upset that i couldn't reply to your ask and ended up replying this really late 💔 thrilled to see your reply soon!!! have a nice day alex 🪐🪐🪐🪐 (YES SATURN EMOJIS WOO!!!)

[incorrect-miraith-quotes]

(A/N yes, this is an incorrect quote acc but I can write actual good stuff too 😳)

Drinks and Sunsets

7:00 AM (3 hours before the match starts)

“Renee!! Wake up please, there is breakfast!” Natalie shouted at the closed door infront of her. Renee had fallen asleep at an ungodly time trying to find out more about herself and well, it didnt work out the way she wanted. She groaned, squeezing her eyes tight while moving her arms up. She stretched and eventually popped her shoulder which caused her to scream but not really scream if you understand what I mean. She cursed at herself for not going to sleep earlier knowing that there was a game today. She sat up, shading her eyes from the window that shown the bright sun. Her head turned to the door when she heard knocks coming from the other side. “someone’s there” Renee’s voices whispered, echoing throughout her ears. “No shit sherlock,” She hissed.

“Wra- I mean Renee~ wait no- sorry. Renee are you gonna eat?” Elliot sputtered, clearing his throat. “Depends on what it is,” She sighed. “It’s uH..pancakes I think? I dont know, Ramya was chosen to be the one who cooks today. They looked..burnt,” He explained, shuddering from the thought of Ramya’s pancakes. “I guess, give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll head out. Wait for me?” Renee asked, getting up and walking to her dresser. “Uh..yeah, yeah I’ll wait for you. Dont worry about a thing..you worried cause I’m not..haha..ha..,” Elliot trailed off, sliding down to the floor until he hit his arse on the concrete. Renee chuckled to herself in his stupidity and got dressed. She wore a black tank top with short grey shorts and her black sneakers with her ankle high socks (black of course). She unlocked her door and peered over to the tall man crouched next to her door, falling asleep.

“Wake up Elliot, I thought I was the one to wake up hm?” She flicked his forehead, causing him to rub the spot where he was hit. “Ow ow ow- Why??” Elliot questioned, confused as to why he was hit. “You were gonna start drooling so..anyways, breakfast?” Renee pulled him up, almost falling backwards. “I mean that’s why I’m here right? Right? i hope Im right..,” Elliot trailed off again, starting his journey towards the kitchen with the small woman behind him. Everynow and then he would peek back to make sure she was still there and not inside a portal. “You’re safe with him” Renee looked up at Elliot, the voice echoing throughout her mind. “You like him dont you” Renee looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face in annoyance, internally screaming at the voices. “I don’t, you guys always assume things,” she whispered, looking at the random framed pictures hung up on the wall. “Elliot!” Renee shouted at the still walking man. He jumped slightly and flinched, “y-yeah? What’s up?” “Kitchen is right here doofus,” She nodded her head towards the room, “How did you manage to miss this big ass room??” “I guess it was an accident, never done that before haha,” He sighed and apologized. The so called pancakes were sitting on a top of a white ceramic plate, getting colder by the minute. “I wouldn’t even dare to try them..I mean you could but- It probably wouldnt be good..,” He walked over to the counter, “If you want, I can cook somthing up for you?” “That would be nice thank you and uh..can you make me some coffee? You know how I like it already,” She sat down at the large dinner table, laying her head down. “Yeah I can do that for ya, anything you want in particular?” Elliot asked but was met with silence. He peeked over and saw she was sleeping soundly with her head in her arms. Elliot took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders then went back to the kitchen.

8:37 AM (1:30 hours before the match starts)

“Breakfast is ready Renee,” he shook her gently until she stirred, “Mornin’ beaut- I-I mean um..sleepyhead..? Yeah..that’s the word..sleepyhead.” “Mmm..mor-“ She clears her throat and rubs her eyes, “morning..sorry I fell asleep I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She looked down at the scrambled eggs and toast that were neatly placed onto the plate infront of her. “It’s fine, I didnt wanna bother you because I thought you’d kill me,” He admitted, taking off the apron that was tied around his waist. He placed it on the hook next to the fridge where a stickynote was left by Octavio not to touch his jello. The only person he let touch his stuff was Natalie. Renee picked up the fork and began eating. “You should date him” “No,” She whispered, furrowing her brows as she picked up a piece of egg with her fork. She watched as the tall man made her coffee just the way she likes it; black with a little bit of sugar and creamer. She was never one to like sweet coffee like everyone else. He poured the jug’s contents into her prefered mug. He added the little things she liked and carried it over to where she was sitting. She thanked him with a small, almost unnoticable, smile. Renee sat there with her cup close to her nose, smelling the bitter coffee aroma. She cooled it before sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of her morning coffee.

“Hey Elliot, do you know what time it is?” She questioned the other who was washing the pan. He checked his phone and replied, “8:52” Renee stood up and brought her plate to the sink after she was done eating. “Could you wash these for me? I need to freshen up in my room,” She handed him the plate, “thanks.” She started making her way towards her room; which consisted of one right and a lot of walking straight. But she never got tired of it since she was happy she lived comfortably with her friends. The 2 rooms that were next to hers were Natalie’s and Ajay’s. The boys were on the opposite side so in front of her was Elliot. The hallway she lived in held 6 legends at a time 3 girls, 3 boys. Renee’s hallway had Ajay, her, and Natalie and then Octavio, Elliot, and Tae. The others had their hallways, some with empty rooms for future legends. Natalie was never really in her room since she was always with Octavio. It was weird, seeing two polar opposites living together. Then there were Ajay and Tae, she managed to make friends with him. I’m pretty sure Tae is still annoyed but is warming up to her.

“Oh! Youre awake finally,” Natalie smiled, walking out of Octavio’s room, “You never woke up so I had to get Elliot to help me..” Renee stood there at her door with the key in the slot, “Yeah, Ive just been...thinking.”

“Hm, well I hope you get some more sleep. Oh and goodluck with the match today!”

“You arent participating today?”

“Non, Ive been feeling unwell for the past few hours”

“Why aren’t you in bed then?”

“Well, Tavi was getting Ajay but he hasnt come back yet”

“You should be resting Nat..”

“Im okay I swear! Pas besoin de s'inquiéter,” She smiled softly and weakly. She was still in the large shirt Octavio gave her to sleep in and pajama pants. She had a small nessy plush tucked into her elbow, being squished tightly. “Chica! Get back in the bed right now or else im going to llevarte allí yo mismo,” Octavio came back with soup and meds, shouting at the sickly girl. “Ah, Tavi.. Je suis désolé I was just wondering where you were.,” She hugged the plush closer to her fragile body. “Come here conejita, lets get you better,” He lifted her up into his arms, still carrying the supplies Ajay had given him, “When you are done being sick I am going to....”

“Lovebirds,” Renee sighed and closed the door to her room, preparing for the match ahead of her. She got her battle gear on and re-did her messy bun into a neat one. Her kunai rested on the counter, untouched in its holster. She picked it up and unsheathed it, smiling at the small sparks of void that emitted out of it. She put it away and hooked the holster to her belt. “You know you wanna be like them, you cant deny it” The voices teased. “You guys really want me in a relationship huh,” Renee flopped backwards onto her messy bed. She didnt have time to make it in the morning but now she can. She checked her phone and scrolled through her social medias. Elliot made her download them and every now and then, Elliot will make her post a picture or something. She always got tagged in fanart and random posts about her in the matches. She would occasionally like some and they would freak out and thank her. She scrolled through her tagged until she came across one post. It was fanart of her and Elliot, sitting together with their hands intertwined watching the sunset. Renee blushed slightly at the art. She saw that Elliot had already liked it, but seeing as he likes all posts that he got tagged in, it wasnt weird. She hesitantly liked it and turned off her phone. “Maybe I do like him” Her thoughts were interupted when someone knocked at the door.

9:34 (couple minutes until the match starts. The ship still has to arrive at the arena, World’s Edge)

“Renee! Get yuh ass over here ‘cause the match starts soon!” Ajay’s voice boomed through the door. Her footsteps could be heard on the other side as she walked away. Renee stood up and stretched while walking towards where Ajay just was. She opened the door to see Elliot walking out of his room. “Oh hey Ren..can I call you that? Im gonna call you that..anyways, hi. Wanna walk together?” She nodded, “Okay cool, lets start heading over before everyone leaves without us.” They walked in a comfortable silence over to their friends. Octavio was in a corner moping since he didnt have his love interest with him while Crypto spied on him from another corner. He was still mad that Nat rejected him a few weeks ago to be with Octavio. It was crazy hearing that he was sulking around in his room for hours on end. But back to the main girl in this story, Renee sat down on one of the couches that sat in the middle of the room. Everyone was ready to board the dropship to head over to the arena. Here is what was going around, Gibby and Ajay were laughing together,Octavio was..unenergetic for once, Tae was in the corner, Loba was fixing her nails while Rev watched her on the wall, Alexander was playing around with his gas, and lastly Ramya was chewing gum while playing on her phone. It was always bustling in the living space because its where everyone socialized other than the bar. A small yet loud alarm was sounded to let all the legends know it was time to board the dropship.

“Woo-hoo! It’s finally time to go,” Octavio said unenthusiastically. Everyone walked in one-by-one or in pairs. They all strapped up in their skydiving equipment and was prepared for the long drop ahead of them. Renee stood next to Elliot’s room in the ship while the others either went to their rooms or sat in the middle. (Reference back to the season 3 trailer for room placement) Renee was flippping her kunai peacefully while Elliot rambled about something in his room. She enjoyed listening to him talk about nonsense while the quiet humming of the ship was surrounding them. It was peaceful, atleast to her. It blocked out most of the voices and when she was around Elliot they seemed to shut up and occasionally tease her. The drop ship shook a bit and Elliot tripped a little but caught himself. Renee didnt mind turbulence since she didnt really care about anything really, she tenses up a bit sometimes but thats about it. Her scarf end swayed as the ship lowered slowly. Suddenly the screens flashed on and displayed everyone’s banners. Everyone gets a chance to customize and submit their banners to headquarters. The teams were as listed,

Lifeline, Crypto, and Gibraltar

Octane, Caustic, and Bloodhound

Mirage, Wraith, and Loba

Revenant, Pathfinder, Bangalore

Rampart

Everyone stood on their respective platforms also known as where the screens flashed their names. The champions were shown not even a minute later, Wraith’s team was shown and she said a voiceline to taunt her enemies of the day. The metal shifted under their feet and lowered slowly, revealing the bright, cold arena. Everyone at this point was used to the cold though, they were glad it was world’s edge because kings canyon during those months was scorching. Comms were switched on and everyone tested out the mics. Everything was set up and ready to go so teams started dropping towards their locations. Wraith was jumpmaster and pinged on the map, Fragment West. Everyone knew both of Fragment was dangerous and it was hotdrop that game too. You can bet that there were multiple death boxes surrounding the small yet large area. Wraith was already kill leader with 7 kills from the popular spot. Bullets were heard in the distance and Wraith portaled to gain some speed while Loba teleported and Mirage had to run. He wasn’t a running person for long distances so he just took wraith’s portal.

“W- Wait up you two! I dont have a movement ability!!” He cried out to the two girls. The two looked at eachother and giggled while looking back at the energy drained man. “Danger move” Wraith looked around and pinged an enemy and phased away out of danger. Again, Loba teleported away and Mirage was left alone to run away. They hit him good but he managed to get behind cover. Wraith lended him some shield cells and syringes and shot at the other team with her sentinel. The other team was Octane’s team and they were stacked; Octane had gold armour while his teammates had red evo. Octane also had a peacekeeper that he got from a carepackage just next to them. It was a long fight, from gas being thrown on them to the ring closing in on the two teams. They had been fighting for so long they didnt even realize that there were only 3 teams in total left. Wraith’s team, Octane’s team, and lastly Pathfinder. I would say Pathfinder’s team but his teammates died and the banner timers ran out, he was left solo.

“Everyone try to watch your backs, the robot could try to ambush one of us,” Loba turned to face her teammates, occassionally looked up and around for the tall simulacrum. “Spotted him, up there. He has a longbow and what seems to be a flatline on his back. I could snipe him down if that’s what you want,” Wraith calmly called out, pulling out her sentinel and charging it. “Go ahead beautiful,” Loba replied. In an instant, a loud, charged sentinel bullet was shot and killed the robot up on the hill, instantly eliminating him. Now, it was just Octane and Wraith’s teams left to fight. “Nice kill Re- I mean,” He cleared his throat, “Nice kill Wraith..” Wraith smiled and thanked him silently while eyeing down the other team. Seconds went by and both teams rushed eachother. Bullets whizzed by eachothers heads and occasionally hit their shoulders or legs. Octane’s team was low on meds while the other team was low on ammo. Another minute of fighting passes and Wraith’s team is deemed the champion. When they were back in the drop ship everyone congratulated them for winning even though they were in a tight spot. There was an after match party happening in an hour so everyone went back to their rooms to clean up after a long day and get dressed. Renee was first to her room to take a shower while the others stayed in the kitchen or hallways sparking conversations with eachother. While Renee took her cold shower, Elliot decided it was be such a good idea to just waltz into her room to ask her a question not knowing that she was relaxing without voices for once.

“Hey Renee! I was just wondering if you wanted to match for the uh..,” He paused, looking around, “Renee? Where are you??” He looked around the empty yet messy room. Clothes thrown everywhere and notebooks and hairties were strewn about. Her messy bed showing how much she slept that night, which it wasn’t much. He began to worry about her well-being and if she even actually took care of herself. He heard the loud shower running so he went and knocked on the bathroom door. But before he actually knocked, he thought about the things that could happen if he knocked on her bathroom door when she didnt even know that he was in her room. He’d be killed. Before he knew what was coming he accidentally knocked on the door infront of him like a reflex. He heard the girl inside gasp loudly with a few things dropping. He startled her, which was a first for him. He was in shock and did not want to move. “She’s like a T-Rex, if I dont move she cannot see me-“ He was cut off when the door swung open and a semi-dryed off Renee was standing in-front of him. She had her body wrapped with a towel and her still damp hair dripped along the floor and her scarred shoulders.

“How are you in here and what do you want,” She said firmly with an annoyed face. “One, your door was open, two, I wanted to ask if you wanted to match outfits for the after match thing..,” He sighed looking away, “Nevermind, it was a dumb question of course you dont.” He turned and apologized but before he could leave the room Renee stopped him. “Who said I didn’t want to? I wouldn’t mind matching with you,” She stepped over to her closet and sifted through the dresses section, “What color or style were you thinking of?” Elliot was astonished that she actually agreed to do anything with him. “I was thinking accents of purple..? I think it would look nice on both of us,” He sat down on a nearby chair in her room, looking away from her slender body. “Fine with me, now turn around,” She made sure he had his eyes closed and was turned around in order to change. She dropped the towel and peered back just in case. “You want him to see you” “Tell him to turn around” “Let him touch you” The voices were surrounding her but she managed to ignore them. When she finished getting dressed she had Elliot turn around.

“Wow..,” Elliot had no words for the sight in front of him. She wore a long black dress that had a slit on the side with a fluffy, purple boa draped over her shoulders and she was wearing heels making her as tall as him. She played with her hair a bit out of embarrassment while looking away. “You look..amazing,” Elliot was admiring her features that he acted like he’d never seen before, “I just- have no words.” “I dont look that good relax,” Renee walked over to her dresser and put on a necklace that had a purple gem in the middle. “Are you going to just stand there and not go to your room and get dressed?” Renee peered over at him from the mirror. “Right..right yeah, Ill be back to ‘pick you up’,” He opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. She sighed and thought out loud, “What am I going to do about him?” She put her hair in a half bun-half hair down sort of style and finished her look with mascara and a slight tint to her lips. She slipped on short black gloves and grabbed a clutch that had small purple accents on it. “He will like it” “For once you look nice” “People are going to judge you” “Nobody will approach you” “People are going to hate you” The voices started off nice but went downhill and piled hate after hate onto her. She pushed them away and mumbled to herself that tonight will be a good night. Light knocking was heard and she went to open the door, her heels clicking with every step.

“Ready to gooooo-“ He looked her up and down and smiled, “You’re beautiful” He tucked a stray strand from her hair behind her ear, “Let’s be on our way before the limosu- limosio- limo gets here.” He held out a hand and she gladly took it. They held hands for most of the way until Renee let go to check her clutch for something. She pulled it out and checked it before slipping it back in. It was her Apex ID, aka the only way to get into Apex events. You can be one of the legends but they wouldnt let you in without it since people knew how to look almost identical to them. She didn’t regrab his hand after that, she wanted to make sure no one saw. When they got to the front of the building everyone was in their formal attire. Octavio was wearing a green suit top with tailored shorts to go along with it and Natalie wore a white party dress that had orange and blue accents, Anita was in a classic suit talking to Loba who was in a short gold dress, Crypto was in a white suit with green accents, Rampart was in a blouse and office pants, Gibby was in a suit while Ajay wore a long blue dress, Bloodhound wore their goggles along with a suit that had a red cloth in its pocket, and Alexander wore a plain black suit. Revenant doesn’t dress up he said. Pathfinder simply went as himself for the night. After a couple minutes of waiting the limo drove up to the curb of the building. Everyone piled in close together and began conversations with eachother. Elliot and Renee sat really close together due to the limo being quite small for a bunch of legends. Some minutes pass and Renee’s eyes are starting to close. She finally let the sleepiness take over her and her head softly fell onto Elliot’s shoulder. He looked over at her and smiled. Most of the legends eyed them and mouthed for him not to move one bit or she would murder him.

“Elliot..,” Renee mumbled in her sleep, “I..love you..” The small sentence was only heard by the man allowing her to sleep. He tensed up but relaxed as her arm draped over his. The limo pulled up to the event center and a red carpet was dramatically rolled out for the legends. One-by-one everyone was walking down the red carpet either together or solo. Im guessing you can guess which ones walked solo. Elliot nudged Renee and she slowly opened her eyes. She yawned quietly and her eyes met his. They looked at eachother and then she backed away, standing up. She turned away and quickly walked out of the limo and Elliot followed shortly after. Elliot caught up and walked beside her while she covered her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. He enjoyed all the attention on him but Renee never did. He realized what was happening and walked directly infront of her, taking the spotlight. The taller put his hand behind his back and Renee allowed herself to grab and squeeze it lightly. He led her somewhere private and sat her down on a wall away from everyone else.

“You okay? I know you dont like the atten- attentin- eyes on you,” he knelt down, matching his eye level with hers. “I’m fine, you dont have to worry about me so much you know,” She sighed and leaned back slightly, “Let’s just get back to the others before they think were fucking or something.” Elliot offered a hand but she declined, pushing herself up from the wall. She swayed her hips with every step she took towards the doors. Her dress flowed down neatly from her waist down to the carpeted floor. He watched her walk away as the boa she wore bounced with her strides. “W- wait up Renee!” He yelled, fast-walking towards her but she was already through the doors. When he made it through, it was bustling with legends from other ports and random game organizers. There was loud music playing from speakers up above and most of the legends were by the bar including Anita and Loba. Others were either on couches or talking near walls with each other. There were people dancing in the middle of the room where flashing lights and more sparkled along the area. His eye caught the bright purple boa from across the room.

“Hey Ren, glad I finally found you,” He sat next to the now relaxed woman, “Let me guess, appletini?” She gave a side-glance towards him while she sipped the drink he guessed. It was her usual at the Paradise Bar so it wasn’t weird. Minutes went by and the found themselves laughing at eachother from stupid jokes and random stories. A slow-dancing song played on the speakers and everyone got with a partner.

“Wanna go dance with me Ren?” Elliot grabbed her hand, pointing to where everyone was partnered together. “I can’t really dance Elliot, I dont know if I could do it,” Renee responded back to him, covering her face with her boa. “Oh, come on you can’t be that bad at dancing. It’s not that hard, come on I’ll teach you,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the seat to take her over to everyone else. He brought her to the dance floor and held her close, guiding her hands to where they were supposed to be. He placed her hands on her lower waist and swayed side-to-side with her. “See? I told you it wasnt that ha-“ He winced as she stepped on his foot, “It’s fine, I forgive you since you’re a beginner.” She apologized anyways and held him closer. As the song came to an end everyone seperated except for them.

“This is nice,” Renee pulled away from his arms, “Want to go somewhere more..quiet?” Elliot’s face contorted to a confused yet happy expression. “I know just the place Ren!” He grabbed her hand and practically sprinted out the doors with her, bringing her to a cliff just off the side of the road. He sat down far away from the edge and patted the spot next to him, signalling for her to walk over and sit next to him. The sun was setting and it was the most beautiful thing that Renee had ever seen. “Oh wow Elliot..I never knew about this spot,” She couldn’t stop gazing at the orange and red hues surrounding the hot ball of gas. “My mom would take me here sometimes, from the sunset, the sunrise, and the stars oh my god the stars. She’d make them so amazing but one day she got so sick and she couldn’t take me anymore. So everytime we get to come here I come out here, to escape the whole legend thing and relax by myself. But now, I see two pretty things infront of me..the sunset and well, you,” He gently grabbed her hand and her reddish face was hard to see in the dark. She turned her head towards him and he smiled softly. “This reminds me of something I saw today, a post with a drawing of us. There’s just one thing missing to complete the scene I believe,” Renee saw him thinking and it looked like a lightbulb just turned on in his head. He leaned in and so did she. They closed their eyes and-

kissed

The scene matched the vibe of the social media post that Renee had randomly come across. It was a strange feeling to Renee, for she had never felt this way towards anyone before. Atleast, not a time that she could remember. Elliot had a goofy smile plastered on his face afterwards. She grinned and leaned on his shoulder as they gazed at the stars that started to peek from the horizon. “Alright yuh lovebirds, get yuh asses inside before we leave without yuh guys,” Ajay leaned against the door, watching them. “Oh, alright. We’ll be right there Ajay,” Renee looked over her shoulder to the other girl and smiled softly. Ajay nodded and closed the door behind her. Elliot was the first to get up and then offered a hand for Renee to grab. She gladly took it and he hoisted her up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt that may have gotten onto her dress. As they went back inside, no one really looked at them apart from quick glances. Anita signalled to them over at the entrance that they were leaving the event. They held hands as they rushed over to the group, not wanting to let go of eachother. Anita counted them and led everyone back to the limosuine so they could pile in the same way they did when they arrived.

(Back at the Apex Dormrooms)(Specifically Elliots Room)

The two were sitting on top of the bed in Elliot’s room, talking. Everyone had just got back to the dorms and they had rushed out so they could get some privacy. “So..what are we now?” Renee turned towards Elliot, who was fidgeting with his hands. He looked up and shifted into a more comfortable position to look at the girl next to him. He looked back infront of him and flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Whatever you want us to be, Ren,” His eyes glanced at her features from the angle he was in.

“I want to be...more than friends-“

“Best friends?”

“No-“

“Best best friends..?”

“Elliot-“

“What?”

“I want to be together, as in I want us to date and do things that couples do,” her head turned towards him. “A-are you sure?? I-I-I mean I dont think Im that bad at being a boyfriend but are you really sure you want to be in a rela- rele- be with me???” He stammered, not knowing what to say. “Yes,” was all she had to say when Elliot pulled her in close to lay down next to him. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead multiple times before stopping to stare at her beauty. She giggled and smiled then held him down into a cuddle position on the bed. “This is what I’ve always wanted, despite me acting like I never did,” She admitted, tracing circles on the others chest. “Did you want to sleep here for the night? Or..we’re you going to go back to your room?” Elliot asked, but got no response from the other. Renee was fast asleep in his arms, snoring softly. Elliot smiled a loving smile and kissed her forehead lightly then fell asleep quick with the warmth she amitted.

E X T R A

Octane walked into Elliot’s room, knowing it was unlocked and because he was his best friend. He had his phone in hand, ready to ask a question about the future match. His eyes darted towards the bed after noticing that the lights were off. There, he saw his best friend with the stone cold girl, who never really showed emotion. He gasped quietly and opened the camera app on his phone. He snapped a picture but before he knew it, the flash went off and lit up the entire area of the man’s bed. Renee groaned and covered herself more with the blanket that was draped over her and Elliot. He quickly stepped out of the room where the couple rested and snickered at the photo he caught. His first thought was to post it, his second? To post it and then print it and frame it. He didnt want to seem like a bitch so he decided to post it with the caption, “Found the lovebirds mating LOL” Within a matter of seconds, the post flooded with likes and shares. Which meant that all if not most of the legends would see it. You bet that Elliot and Renee we’re furious when they both came across it the next day..

THE END

word count: 5,445

Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it :] <3

Quotes will resume Monday,, 2:00pm CT

[leadrains]

ive been so bad at keeping up but um album of the day review time today was paramore's self titled album Paramore

track listing

Fast in my Car

Now

Daydreaming

Interlude: Moving On

Ain't It Fun

Part II

Last Hope

Still Into You

Anklebiters

Interlude: Holiday

Proof

Hate to See Your Heart Break

(One of Those) Crazy Girls

Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore

Be Alone

Future

ok umm first off let me start by saying that ive listened to this album daily for the last like week or two so my review will not be as fresh as the others so far have been cause i only remembered like two or three songs from each album before this one. anyways review time.

i really like fast in my car it is so fun and sexy. a strong start to the album. hayley williams' voice is a gift. im going to avoid saying too much about each song bc of how long the album is. now is soooo fucking good oh my god. love the concept. the music video was weird and a little sus but very entertaining but that's neither here nor there i just really love the song it might be my fave on the album. grow up is also good. each song on this album has such a distinct sound i feel like. like i hear them in my head and they're all separate without blending together the way most other albums do imo. but they still all fit together for the most part. it's really good. i also like daydreaming i want it in my coming of age film it will be during the driving fast at night and seeing the lights montage scene. every song on this album slaps i see why it was their most successful album. the interludes all annoy me but hayley's voice is so pretty so moving on is good anyways 🙄 aint it fun is a banger. song of the summer. the video was so cute. part ii. there's always one song on each album that makes me fucking crazy and part ii is that song. the way they call back to let the flames begin....... i am sitting in my room and screaming. madness! i love it so so so much. absolutely insane. i like it more than now actually. dancing all alone to the sound of an enemy's song..... girl u didnt have to do all that! but she did it for me. hayley williams your hand in marriage. last hope is very pretty..... i really like the way she sings the chorus. not a single miss so far. every song feels noteworthy. still into you is good obviously. i really like the beginning and the way the song starts with like a pop like u burst a bubble and music plays yk does that make sense? anyways. anklebiters is fun it makes me wanna bite people but in a summer-y way. attack strangers at the beach in a cute and fun way. i am once again complaining about the interludes but her voice sounds so nice with whatever shitty equipment they used this shit was probably ukulele voice memos or sum. proof is also good. every single chorus on this album has such a unique sound imo and i like it. hate to see your heart break is so pretty it's insane i love it so much. i keep singing it it's always stuck in my head and it's like the only song hayley has sung that's in my range bc my singing voice is fucking operatic (but still bad) which sucks but whatever not the point. pretty pretty song. would cry to it. would serenade someone to it. i looove one of those crazy girls it's so good what the fuck. makes me want to be a crazy and manipulative bitch. i think i have the right illnesses to be like that without even realizing it. anyways. the way her voice sounds when she talks about going through his closet..... i love this song so much. im not angry anymore is really pretty. obligatory complaint about interludes. i usually lowkey tap out after one of those crazy girls but be alone is good now that im processing it. once again obese with the chorus. every chorus on this album is so distinct and slaps ive said that like 3 times already it's just noteworthy. future is good. i can appreciate the concept but it feels soo long i never know when it's done or have the patience to finish. but it is good it's just too long for my attention span.

overall i dont have much to say really that i didn't already say. every chorus is so unique and so good. every song slaps even though i am annoyed by the amount of interludes and the length of future.

i give Paramore a 9.7/10 if they had removed like 2 of the interludes or just made them regular songs and if future had been 1.5-2 minutes shorter then it would be a 10/10 it's banger after banger

attaching part ii because it's good

[flowerslightning]

(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

skeleton key slash x reader

+++++++++ i wanted something cute and fluffy but ive been in a mood lately so here ya go lol, its kinda cute and fluffy but starts a little disconnected and stand-offish

i edited this but if i missed anything sorry lol

Song: ill always be around by waterparks

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse @slashscowboyboots @smokeandmirrorz +++++++++

i sat against the wall of the dressing room and swirled the unopened bottle of beer against the tile floor in front of me. it made a mesmerizing sound as the glass scraped against the linoleum. it was the only thing really keeping my attention. it had been a rough couple of days and i wanted nothing more than to feel normal again.

i watched slash slide down the wall out of my peripherals, hearing him sigh as he hit the floor with his full weight. we sat in silence until i broke my trance, opening the bottle finally, i just stared down into it. slash cleared his throat but i didnt look at him.

"You okay?"

He asked, nudging my arm with his elbow. I took a quick swig of my beer, making a sour face at the taste.

"As okay as I usually am."

I sighed out.

"So not very?"

He asked, sending me a look. I looked over at him and shrugged.

"I'm sure things could be better but I'm living life one day at a time."

He shook his head.

"That's no way to live."

i sighed again, taking another drink.

"is it ever?"

he hummed.

"well no, but whats been up lately? you haven't really seemed like yourself."

i took another swig.

"havent i?"

i asked, raising a brow quickly. he frowned at me.

"none of us think so. the rest of the guys have noticed it too. you arent the same as you were a week ago."

i sighed, dropping my head back into the wall and looking to the ceiling.

"im lost."

he looked a little confused.

"youre lost?"

i looked over at him, watching his hair as it fell into his face.

"i dont know, my mood just tanked all of a sudden. i have no drive, i dont want to do anything. the only reason im here is because i have to be."

he tried to examine my face but i was on the whole expressionless.

"you couldve stayed on the bus, not that it wouldve helped, but you couldve."

i let out a short laugh, bringing the beer bottle to my lips.

"i thought getting out wouldve made an impact, ya know, keep myself busy to forget about it."

He nodded.

"it didnt."

I said and he sighed out, pinching the bridge of his nose. i looked back ahead of me, staring at the wall. we sat in silence for a bit until he shot up, drawing my attention and looking at him like he was crazy. he offered his hand to me.

"come on."

he said, more chipper now. i raised a brow.

"what?"

he shook his hand, wanting me to take it.

"come on, get up. we're going on an adventure."

i drew my brows before reluctantly taking his hand, setting my beer on the ground where i was just sat.

"where are we going?"

i asked as he pulled me out of the room and into the hall.

"It a surprise, but you have to come along to find out, thats why its an adventure."

i followed closely behind him, still unsure about the situation he was dragging me into. he walked comfortably down the hallway, looking from room to room as we went. i just watched him, trying to figure out what he was really after as we moved further into the venue. he nodded to the venue workers as we passed them, his grip on my hand getting tighter, making it known to them that we were attached. he relented as he ducked under pipelines and around mic stands. suddenly i was forced into someone.

"hey! watch where youre going!"

i heard as i looked up with wide eyes. in front of me was a large bald man with a stern gaze and i suddenly realized i was no longer tethered to slash. i looked to my suddenly empty hand in panic before looking back up the man.

"whats your deal?"

he asked, harshly. i looked around but the curly mess of hair was nowhere to be found. i breathed deeply.

"do you speak or are you just here to get in the way?"

the man said a bit louder. i jumped.

"no, i, i, uh-"

i stuttered out. he looked like he was waiting for an answer.

"you just gonna stand there looking stupid with your hand in the air or are you gonna move out of my way?"

he grunted out. then my hand got snatched away from me and i looked to slash with relief.

"sorry dude, i guess i lost my girl."

he apologized, pulling me to him. the man watched us as slash led us away from the man.

"keep her on a leash or something! i dont have time for road blocks!"

he called after us. slash waved his hand in the air.

"will do man."

he said before looking at me like 'yeah right' and making me giggle. slash looked around before ducking into an empty room.

"dude i thought id lost you there for a second. i saw one of the crew and went to squeeze your hand and i realized youre hand wasnt in mine anymore."

he let out a nervous laugh.

"it looks like i found you just in time though cause that dude looked like he meant business."

i nodded in agreement.

"yeah that was kinda scary."

we both laughed a little at the situation.

"but i found this place."

he said excitedly. i looked around, it was dimly lit but the furniture looked much better than the dressing rooms we were in. part of me wondered if it had been an office at one point but was now a storage room. i looked up as the light flickered overhead.

"spooky."

i said happily, raising my brows at him.

"well, im glad you like it cause i set this up for us."

i drew my brows as he took my hand again and led me around the bulky couch in the middle of the room. my mouth dropped at the layout of food, wine, and candles on the floor; all of it arranged on top of a black blanket.

"where did you get all of this?"

i asked, a bit shell-shocked. he half smiled at me, rubbing his arm.

"Well, i noticed youve been down for a bit and wanted to do something nice. i also figured we had a decent amount of time before the show starts so i went out and got this stuff earlier with a little help from duff and he helped me set it up. all i had left to get was you."

i could feel tears stinging my eyes. no one had really ever done anything this nice for me before and it made my heart ping. He really new what to do to make me feel better, he always did. i sent him a smile before pulling him in for a hug. he held me tightly to him, burying his face into my neck.

"thank you, slash, it means a lot."

i whispered against him. he pulled away and helped me sit.

"i wasnt sure exactly what you would like but we asked the lady at the shop down the street what she would want and thats just kinda what we got."

he said bashfully. i leaned over and kissed his cheek quickly.

"its great. really. it is."

i reassured as he started pouring two glasses of wine. he cleared his throat as he handed me one of the glasses.

"i, uh, also had a question for you while we're here."

he looked down at the blanket, and i almost thought i saw a small blush on his face but it was hard to tell in the low light.

"ask away."

i said raising  the glass to him in cheers and taking a sip. i watched as he swirled the liquid around in his own glass.

"well, i was wondering, if maybe youd want to go on a date with me. like officially."

i smiled widely at him.

"id love that."

he gladly returned the smile.

"great! i mean i know weve kind of gone on a date before but it wasnt legit, and yes i kind of blame axl for ruining that one-"

i laughed a little bit, shaking my head.

"lets call it a trial run."

i said, making him laugh too.

"well then i already feel more comfortable."

he clinked his glass against mine in cheers.

"same here."

i took a sip before setting the glass down and resituating to sit with my legs crossed under me.

"now, lets see what that lady made you buy."

i joked, prompting him to move the little basket he had acquired closer to me.

"dont blame me if its terrible."

he said through a laugh. i sent him a warm smile.

"thanks for this slash, you really know how to make a girl feel better."

he nodded.

"no, i know how to make you feel better, and i wouldnt have it any other way."

it was my turn to blush, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks at his words.

"im glad you have the thing that opens the door to my emotions or else this tour would be much harder."

i noted, taking a small box out of the basket and setting it next to me. he snorted.

"like a skeleton key to your happy place."

he said. i nodded.

"exactly!"

he laughed a little bit before taking another sip of his wine.

"you have no idea how happy that makes me."

he said, leaning back in his spot. i leaned over, close to him.

"the feeling is mutual."

i said lowly, watching his eyes flicker to my lips.

"can i kiss you?"

he whispered out, looking back to my eyes. i nodded. his hand found its way to my face, caressing my cheek gently. like a slow motion film, he moved forward, it felt like every anticipation building inside me before our lips finally met. it was soft and warm and he tasted like the wine. when he pulled away i felt like my home had been ripped from me and i missed it immediately.

"cant wait for that date."

he laughed out and i couldnt help the amused look on my face.

"likewise."

[midasgutz]

so chicken breast is like terrible for teriyaki chicken imo but if you have to go for it heres what i recommend for like a bastardized version. i do it pretty often

cut that shit up and put it in a bag cause youre gonna neeeeed to marinate that shit for like an hour at least. a ton of soy sauce, bunch of oyster sauce, and fish sauce to taste (dont get too crazy w it). gonna need some ground ginger. i like a lot of it. fresh works too but not as good for this. if youve had your ground ginger for a long time get new cause it gets weak really fast once you open it. you can add some brown sugar but it isnt necessary at all. my family is cutting down on sugar lately so i dont usually add any. a little bit of five spice dont go overboard it can and will overpower everything else. i always add mirin to this but you could use like, rice vinegar. or maybe white vinegar just use less. you dont need the chicken to be swimming in this sauce. after you are done marinating your chicken open the bag and put a bunch of potato starch in. corn starch will not work for this!!! potato starch is much much better for 99% of things imo. potato starch is the secret to getting a good texture on your sauces. often i dont make a slurry with potato starch when i use it, but you still can. dont do that for this recipe though. you dont want to make the chicken dry with it but you need to thicken the marinade quite a bit. it will thicken a lot more while it cooks of course. if you overdid it, you can probably thin it back out with a bit more soy sauce. then you can just pour the whole bag into your pan assuming it's big enough. now, you gotta cook it reaaaaaally thoroughly. but its gonna turn out very soft anyway because of all the tenderizing ingredients we used in the marinade. if you arent 100% sure it is cooked, cook it a bit more. the sauce generally will come off and burn onto your pan, thats fine it comes off pretty easy as long as you greased your pan and it has already done its job. there will still be some on the chicken too dont worry. this is incredibly soft when it is done and i usually eat it over rice. the gregory store near me sells shredded broccoli and carrot as broccoli slaw which makes for a good easy stir fry vegetable mix that you can add whatever to. but you should always serve this with a vegetable side to keep your family from eating too much rice. i usually like to do two, my stovetop whole greenbeans are awesome with this and i also like to cook some brussel sprouts. dont listen to cartoons brussels sprouts are really good as hell.

next time, i think i will tell you how to make my asian fusion tacos. ive never met an adult that didnt like them. this stir fry chicken i do is very popular too, before i could only get my family to eat beef stir fry. and when i do that, it's a wet stir fry with a sort of sugary sauce so overall its not as healthy as this meal is. both are pretty salty means, i cant recommend either for more than once a week at the most. but this meal is a great meal to make when you have a busy day ahead of you, because most of the work is done by the time you put the marinade together.

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: isolation

(content warnings: i just talk about the shit that's going on rn cause i gotta, but if any of it is triggering for you, be careful or scroll past)

so, as it turns out - as anyone could have predicted - i'm behind AF on nano.

look, a lot of it is that the first week of november got tied up in the hellhole that was america's election. fuck. i had done a lot of research and i knew what to expect and i STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. that entire week was draining as fuck and even the relief of them finally calling it for biden was destructive and devastating in its own way. (i cried. i dont ever cry. i fucking bawled.)

and some of it is another lesson in preparation. i have a great outline for this novel! i know all the plot beats for all three plotlines! but i didn't practice getting into either character's voice, so while im still writing, it's very third-person-onmicient type, very distant, rather than the third-person-intimate that im going for.

and ive become STUPIDLY hung up on that! LIKE, ITS STOPPING ME FROM WRITING. i realize i just need to forge ahead and i'll find their voices eventually, but like, brain matter no go. head empty no thots.

SURPRISINGLY, though, if i count all words i've written (including nano, patreon, work words, fanfic, etc) i am on pace to hit the 50K. guess what I might be doing, rather than focusing entirely on the nano words. fml. etc.

my two oldest nieces are coming this weekend for their birthday celebration. when they were young i decided that instead of birthday gifts, what each girl got was a weekend alone, just with me, where we would do super fun things and they get to have all of the focused attention from their aunt and uncle. it's worked great, but this year, because of the rona, their schedules are all fucked up (you would not BELIEVE what my bro and SIL have had to work out to manage both of their jobs with 3 children under the age of 7 at home; it's crazy), and we wanted to limit the travel as well. so both girls are coming together to stay with me, to celebrate together. i'm very excited, but wow, that's also been a whirlwind.

i had to clean the entire house. the thing is, when you've been in house since march, and you're already disabled, and you're depressed, and you're tired, and you have 5 cats, the house can quickly get to a pint where you really give no more fucks about it. hugely. bigly. i had to summon my mum, Crown, and murder husband to help me out with it, but now the house is gorgeously clean and i am happy. doing all the work at once was kind of a sledgehammer to the face tho, RIP me, but i did it.

fought with Crown over a bunch of stuff too. it's resolved and we are in a better place after having it out, but that also hit me like a fucking pickup truck, thanks.

also didnt help nano.

isolation is weird. i dont mind being alone - i love being stuck in my house alone, that's like, my dream world - but i feel like i've hunkered down here in other ways as well. friends i used to talk to daily, i check in like once a week. a BIG part of that is, well, having nothing to really say. my new contract remains in covid limbo, my other work continues, and my desire to write a novel to sell is just aksjdlkasdjggs, so like, ??? why bother to talk, there's no news here, etc.

im also just not very good at staying in touch because of (reasons) and the situation is compounding that and really doubling down on it. how can i reach out to people when im spending most of my mental energy not going completely batshit??? "hey demons. it's me. your boy."

i mean i also feel like other friends are pulling back as well, probably because none of us really have anything new to say. it's just an interesting side effect of isolation, i guess?

plus it's the jazz hands depressssiioooonnnnn ~! for all of us!

i really just exist on discord these days. honestly.

ANYWAY.

i haven't yet given up on the novel, nor have i given up on trying to grow my kofi and patreon to help me out in these terrible times. (crankyoldman, thanks so much for the Kofi! that covers this month's entire Chewy order! <3 <3 aaaaaaa ILU and i miss you guys!!) it's just such a bizarre fucking time to be a conscious thinking creature and that's weird, i guess.

went to target and bought a bunch of men's shirts for the winter. sorry but for what i want men's clothes are vastly superior. you can't get a women's t-shirt that's long enough to go over hips or really be tucked in unless you find a "tunic length" and they're like $25. i got 3 mens tees for $18. i also now have a giant hoodie with thumbholes. bless.

plus big ass sports bras. i just want my tits to be comfortable. dont always bra them, but like when im cleaning they gotta be held. gently. softly cupped in place so that they don't get tossed around too much. i dont know where im going with this.

i just want to be comfortable here in my private cave.

the stasis of isolation. such an odd year it's been this last month.

Ko-fi for the cats || Patreon for CYOA and the novel || Sev's Pub, my creative works discord || carrd for the rest

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/3ngoxji

[msbellucci]

i never wanted to befriend this bitch. the moment i stop talking to her, i get all of these texts saying my mans cheating on me and shit..and that my man talks shit about me..and just dumbass texts saying some dumbass shit. bitch its so obvious that its you sending me this shit....okay so this bitch is married to this armenian dude...and he happens to be related to one of my mans closest homies..so they met years ago. 3 years ago i met my mans homies cousin, and his wife. shes latina, so her and i would speak in spanish and she was whatever..she would talk about some way out shit and i would never really believe the shit she would say. because it was always so far fetched way out shit. five mins into my first conversation with her, shes telling me how she was a stripper cuz she had to provide for her son and herself..that she came here alone to this country. its crazy shes been here for like almost 20 years but doesnt have her papers. i know its a dificult process, and it reqiures a lot of money, but yeah..anyways it was a bit weird. she would always brag about having all these businesses. and she would tell me how she was on TV, and how she was a model..and im like girl...like she isnt tht pretty, not to be fucked up but she aint...shes shorter than me..and im 5'5"...models have to be hella tall, skinny, and beautiful..she would brag about how she was hella skinny and it was just weird af how every time her and i would run into one another, she would only talk about how she used to be a model, this tht and the 3rd.. and how she was on TV.. and in my head, im like bitch..you be tellin me the same exact shit everytime i fkn see your ass..like wtf??? do you feel that insecure around me that you gotta tell me some bullshit about you being a fake ass model everytime yu see me? really? -__- please bitch. shut ur dumb asss up. ive always disliked her and her man...her man is on drugs being a psycho causing problems for me. 3 years ago when my man and i were stayin in a hotel, we came out to our car in the morning and he had taken all the air out of our tires and scratched up our car. i was so pissed, i ran up on his wife to fuck her up but my man grabbed me. cuz shes a cop calling ass bitch. so yeah i never trusted those motherfuckers and my man kept giving her husband 2nd chances. and i would get into it with my man over it because i didny fkn like them...i dont forgive easily and i dont give out second chances easily..my mans different he does have a big heart but now he doesnt give a fuck about those ppl and he cut them off and we changed our numbers and im so fucking happy. that pathological ass lying hoe lies on me and my man and its disgusting and weird as fuck to watch cuz we aint never did nothing to this bitch and her family. if anything weve helped them. my man and i went out shopping one night and my man told the bitch, get anything you want...a normal ass girl, like me..would turn the offer down. i would say no thank you i appreciate it but i dont need anything, this bitch started grabbing shit and putting it in the cart and i was disgusted yo..im lowkey glad she did it cuz it shows her true colors. a hoe ass prostitute bitch.. thats what a prostitute does, lets some other dude buy shit for her..i know my man did it out of the kindness of his heart cuz he likes her husband and her kids so we just did it to be nice cuz we know they broke as shit. they couldnt afford their fkn business they rented out no more..theyve been telling us for a week they cant afford it and they gotta leave the spot...so we said, maybe we will pay the rent and open up our own business llike a smoke shop or some shit. my man and i called up our business partners to come down and look at the spot, and they loved it. when they went down, this hoe and her man started to get all fkn territorial sayng "oh this is our business we arent gonna leave it,,blahblahblah" like they flip the script so fkn quick and it was lame af on their end. they looked stupid as fuck. so i blocked the bitch..and my man stopped talking to her husband. we dont kick it with no fake flip flopping ass hoes. anyways. a couple nights before this happened, this dumb hoe asks me and my man "do you really think my husband loves me?" bitch if u gotta ask other ppl if ur own man loves you...then youre not confident in ur relationship, or with urself..and he probably doesnt love you...when she had asked that..i didnt really know how to answer her. my man said "well hes cheated on you...youve caught him in the bathroom of a casino gettin his dick licked on, you caught him in a hotel with 3 naked bitches...when you love someone, you don't cheat on them." thats what my man had told her..and then two nights later..the shit with the business went down..i started to get messages from a weird number saying "oh ur man cheats on u he goes to hotels with hookers and talk shit about you.." HAAHHAHA nice try hoe but my man is always with me...shes so fkn jealous because my man and i have an honest relationship, we are loyal to one another and idk why she cares so much and shes gonna text me dumbass shit..i got more texts from another number, saying simaliar shit, but this time the person texting me was speaking so highly of tht hoe ass bitch saying "oh you should talk to her she is so perfect and has a good character." like bitch you legit just burned urself out...its YOU sending me this dumbass shit..i changed my number..because im done. the 2nd batch of messages i got, my man run upstairs to their apartment and started to kick their door, telling them to open the fuck up..my man almost grabbed her husband by the throat..because theyre just tryna get between me and my man and thats so fkn dumb to be honest..its ridiculous how much of a low life this bitch is...

[k-drabblings]

only then (pt. 5)

KIM JIWON (BOBBY) X READER Type | Genre: badboy au | fluff/angst Word Count: 1663 A/N: I thought this was much longer than 1.6k words... Guess not.  Also I do update very very slow, I know. It’s mostly because I have no idea what to write next, and I don’t want to write nonsense. So thank you for your patience. I hope this doesn’t disappoint!  To be honest, it feels a little weird to write about Hanbin after the huge scandal, but it felt weirder leaving him out of the story after including him in the beginning.

Also wtf happened to line breaks? Why is that not an option anymore? This sucks.

part one two three four

Jiwon looked at the well healed scar on his arm fondly, running his finger along the raised ridge. His smile couldn’t help but widen as his phone buzzed. 

[23:22] y/n: i can’t sleep [23:22] jiwon: y? [23:22] jiwon: cause ur too excited to be talking to me? [23:23] y/n: ... zzz ...  [23:23] y/n: o look i fell asleep

He chuckled. Within a matter of days, teasing had already become part of their regular banter. So cute.

[23:23] jiwon: ...  [23:23] jiwon: do u think ur funny or something bc let me tell u rn that u r not [23:23] jiwon: boooooooo [23:24] y/n: if im so unfunny then y r u texting me hmm HMM??? [23:24] jiwon: cause i pity u [23:24] y/n: ...  [23:24] y/n: GOODNIGHT

Even though he knew was joking, his fingers still quickly scrambled to reply. 

[23:24] jiwon: im just kidding!! [23:24] jiwon: ur funny sometimes [23:24] jiwon: a little bit [23:24] jiwon: real little [23:25] y/n: then go talk to ur other super exciting and funny friends y dont u [23:25] jiwon: now dont be jealous [23:25] jiwon: the more time u spend with me the more exciting and fun u become [23:25] y/n: ive only seen u like 3x [23:25] jiwon: thats y ur so not funny

His finger hovered over the keyboard, wondering if he should type out the next line. He knew it was probably a bad idea, but he couldn’t help himself. Fuck it. He firmly pressed the upward arrow.

[23:26] jiwon: so i guess we’ve come to the logical conclusion that we should hang out more [23:26] y/n: i guess we have

You felt bold as you sent that last message. Was this considered flirting? You hadn’t known that your heart rate could increase so much within a mere 4 minutes. The past few nights had consisted of increasingly witty and teasing messages - messages that got your heart racing, your face flushing, and your imagination going a little crazy. Nothing even close to romantic had happened between you and him, and yet your ridiculous mind was coming up with possible scenarios that could maybe (just maaaybe) happen in the nearby future. You felt like an silly high schooler again, getting too easily excited over someone you barely knew. You didn’t even know how exactly how old he was or what he did for living. 

But all those unanswered questions just made you more excited - kind of like a good mystery book you just didn’t want to put down. 

[23:27]: jiwon: ok so whens ur next day off

Your breath hitched. You were off the upcoming Thursday, which was in 2 days. You hadn’t expected the next time you were going to see Jiwon to come so soon. You were used to seeing him like twice a month. You knew you could simply lie and give him your next day off, which was in a week or so, but you knew you didn’t want to wait that long.

[23:28] y/n: thursday [23:28] jiwon: ok cool so ill see u then [23:28] jiwon: and if ur busy... [23:28] jiwon: make yourself unbusy thanks

Your lips curled into a smile. How could someone this cute possibly be bad news? 

“You’re distracted, Hyung.” Donghyuk mumbled quietly so Hanbin wouldn’t hear. 

“Hm?” Jiwon murmured. “Nah, I’m good.”

Donghyuk’s eyes narrowed as he carefully tried to peer over Jiwon’s shoulder to see what was keeping him so preoccupied.  A girl’s name. He rolled his eyes. He was more than willing to bet that this was the same girl that had so nicely bandaged Jiwon up that rainy night. “Let’s keep outsiders... outsiders, okay, Hyung?” Donghyuk warned in a hushed tone.

Jiwon immediately shut off his phone screen and gave his younger friend a long hard stare. “I’m not fucking stupid, okay?”

And of course, despite Donghyuk’s words, he still went to see her on Thursday. They met up later in the afternoon, mainly because he slept in well into the afternoon. Since he did his work mainly at night, his sleeping schedule tended to be slightly off. When he woke up, you were getting some errands done - groceries and such. That gave him some time to get dressed and ready - he wanted to look good for the first date.  This is a date right? He hadn’t made it explicitly clear, but he was hoping you were on the same page as he was.

He recalled the the other day that you had said you wanted to try this restaurant that you had seen on some celebrities eating on TV.  And since it was on the other side of Seoul Station, they could walk along Seoullo 7017 along the way. He supposed that would be a good, somewhat nice way to start the date.

And you were delightfully surprised at how much Jiwon had actually planned out. You wouldn’t say it aloud, but you had been expecting somewhat of a haphazard schedule of activities that randomly popped up into his mind. 

“You look cute.” You jokingly scowled. “Are you saying I wasn’t cute before?” He rolled his eyes and laughed. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He put his hands up defensively when he earned a playful punch to the arm. “Hey, you gotta appreciate my honesty, right?” He grinned. “No, but seriously. You should wear dresses more often.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled shyly, having always been slightly awkward at accepting compliments. You glanced down at your outfit. It was a pretty plain dress, but this was the most dressed up he had ever seen you. 

“Where’s the scar from - if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked, pointing to the mark on your forearm. If it hadn’t been for that scar, he probably would have never recognized you. “Nothing cool,” you responded. “Got it while I was helping out at the bakery a while ago. Hot stuff can do that to you sometimes, you know.”  He laughed. “See? You’re already getting funnier - thanks to me.”  You rolled your eyes exaggeratedly but couldn’t help but join him in laughter. 

You were sure he had a fair share of scars all over his body, and also exciting stories behind them. But you were reluctant to ask, afraid that it could ruin the lighthearted mood.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur - partially because Jiwon had convinced you to share a bottle of soju with him during dinner. ‘You can’t enjoy pork belly without soju!’ he had insisted.  You had initially refused, being worried that you might end up blabbering and saying something stupid or embarrassing. But Jiwon was one convincing young man.

But luckily the only embarrassing thing that slipped out was a, “Fine, you’re kinda cute, okay?” after he had pestered you about what you thought about him. And boy, did he enjoy that answer.

You were partially disappointed when the date ended with a simple hug. You probably would have thought he were moving too fast if he had gone in for a kiss, but by no means would you have refused. In fact, as much as you hated to admit it, you'd immediately have shut your eyes and puckered your lips.  But a long, warm hug was what you got tonight. And you weren’t complaining. "Thanks. Today was really fun,” you said with a warm smile.  “Okay, so when can we have fun again?”

All of a sudden, you had something to look forward to every week. Every date with Jiwon was exciting. You got to experience thrilling things like ziplining, but even just sitting at a cafe and chatting got your heart pumping. You felt like your life had been recharged.  You had even bravely kissed him on the cheek when he had dropped you off at your door tonight. 

As Jiwon walked over to work after dropping you off, he heard a familiar voice calling his name. “Jiwon Hyung! Hyung!” Junhoe shouted from down the block. "Where’re you coming from?” He asked, frowning. Wherever Jiwon was coming from, it wasn’t from the direction of his home. Jiwon played it off vaguely. “Just was doing something. Don’t worry about it.” “Come on, tell me!” Junhoe whined. “Why’s it a secret, huh?” Jiwon pressed his fingers against his tall friend’s forehead and gave it a good shove. “Have you ever heard of a personal space? Look it up.” He couldn’t recall the last time anyone had made him so easily excited, and he wasn’t willing to part with you now.

His friends had also noticed that he was constantly in a good mood these past few weeks.  Donghyuk wasn’t too happy about it, but the others seemed to enjoy having a less moody Jiwon around. He wondered if Hanbin knew what Jiwon was getting himself into outside of work. But he didn’t want to tick off Jiwon, so he kept his mouth shut. A pissed off Jiwon was one scary man.

“How long do u plan on keeping this up, Hyung? It’s going to serve as a distraction to you and a danger to her. She doesn’t even know what you really do. If you tell her, do you think she’ll stay?” Donghyuk hissed. “Yeah, right.” “I know. I know.” Jiwon mumbled. This was like the fifth time he had approached him about this issue. He was thankful that Donghyuk hadn’t blabbed to the rest of the guys, but it was a disturbing reminder every time. Why was it so wrong to enjoy it while it lasted?

[onepunchmiss]

OPM s2e10 Live Blog

“Justice Under Siege”

ALRIGHT so despite the fact that it is the 1 week anniversary of my death, OPM has forcefully wrenched me from the underworld to come continue with the season. So here I am and I’ve already posted my guess for what this episode will entail so lets see how well I handle it! (see: how much I scream) As always, I’m watching as someone who is up to date on both the Manga and webcomic

ASDFGHJKL I OPENED OPM ON HULU AND IT IMMEDIATELY PICKED UP WHERE I LEFT OFF AT REWATCHING THE ZOMBIEMAN BIT HOW DARE I WAS NOT READY

lets try that again ok

AHA YES OMG we’re starting with this!! I was totally expecting to pick up exactly where we left off, with Destrochloridium at the HA but OK throw me for a loop! Mix it up! “ORA ORA ORA ORA” I love Saitamas VA, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I laffff oh my god it keeps going in the background as Kind talks I can’t

This is the scariest Saitama face I have ever witnessed wtf??? Why does it look so creepy?? Also, they added quite a bit to this scene huh? I guess They have to amp up the jokes since shit is getting pretty serious otherwise at this point in the series. OH SHIT THE DING ‘NO OTHER WORDS CAME TO MIND” OK Excellently done that got me I cackled fffffffffffffffff

OH MY GOD KING THAT SICK BURN?!?! I dont remember that I guess they’re really making it a point to be like ‘HEY LOOK THIS IS GONNA BE USED!!! IT EXISTS!!!’ but like I dont care cause it was worth it for the joke hhhhhhhhhhhJUST

Yanno, I just realised I think I know where every sing scene in the whole opening comes from down to the omake. Also just realised we are definitely getting Genos/Bang/Bomb vs Centipede cause that joint attack Bang and Bomb use is in the opening. Huh why did that only just now click anD OH MY GOD BB GENOS IM DYING NO

Ok now we’re where we left off and oh dear god I HATE that squish noise please stop no OK Gyoro’s weird Eye twitch was a cool touch. Oh wait Narinki is the highest ranking executive now? I thought he was just the top donor of funds or something? eh anyway- lol wow Gyoro puts on a convincing sob story voice this is so funny?? Cause its Complete BS and I wonder what my reaction would be if I didn’t already know that AHH OK BUT THAT ‘HEHIHIHIHIHI’ LAUGH THO OMG SO GOOD

WHEW ok but seriously just the MENTION of assembling all the heroes is raising my blood pressure asdfghjkl if I may have one thing in life PLEASE LET IT BE A THIRD SEASON PLEASE IM BE G G IN G

AHH YESSS!!!! YYYEEESSSS!!!!! DARKSHINE MY DUDE MAN BRO GUY YESSSS!!!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!! I JUST!!!!!! HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE OTHERWISE NORMAL GUYS WITH OBSCENE MUSCLES LIKE DARKSHINE AND TTM!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ASDFGHHJKL Did Destrochloridium just shout Itadakimasu?? HULU y u no translate that??? DOI as he gets smooshed pfffffftttttttttttt omg the sound pls ohmigod everyone knows steel is no match for a hardened body i just fukken HEKK I love this show so much pls he sounds so concerned that destro DIDNT know that

“Better step up” OH MY GOD YES DO THE THING

OK WAIT This is actually badass and not just a joke?? Darkshine, er, Blackluster(??) stop u r 2 good I cant handle it rn

oooohhhhHH OH OH OH OH PLS SHOW EVERYONE I WANT PLS THE MONSTER ASSOCIATION!!! PLS!! SHOW ME WIFE?? CADRES?? PLZ?? yo total side note but I LOVE Murata’s monster designs?? Every time I reread opm I just oogle at a new one I never noticed before they’re all so unique and good. Also At least 3 of them in this sequence look like pokemon i swear- lol the silence no applause, if that was a joke in the manga i totally missed it uuuuwaAAAAAAAAAAA SCREAMING SCREAMING I AM SCREAM CADRE YES YES ASDFGHJKL ARE YALL READY TO SEE T H  A T FACE FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES THUS FAR???? HUH????

ew oh wait I actually feel bad for Awakened Cockroach, and he twitches after getting eaten oh noooooonono ew oh no dude im sorry no AAAAAAAAA WIFE HELLO oh their voices are so sad when they’re terrified for their lives I dont like it :[ ITS OK UR SAFE 4 NOW ILY PLZ BE CAREFUL AND STAY AWAY FROM PRETTY MEN 

YES THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING IVE  WANTED SO FAR THANK YOU SO MUCH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOOOOOOOK AAT THEMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY TRASH SON I HAVE MISSED YOU OH NO MY EYES THERES WATER IN MY EYES HELP ILY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMYCYBORG SON MY HEART I WEAK GENOS BB PLS BE CAREFUL ILY TOO hey heres a WACKY  and TOTALLY LoOnEy IdEa, what if,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WHAT-IFF,,,,,,,,,,, everyone was HAPPY???? Crazy I knowww I just want the best for my sons and babies and children boys wives daughters loves and husband, is it so much to ask???

Oh my god he looks so Sad here please no Genos everything will be ok please don’t be reckless do not be reckless listen to Dr. Kuseno you fool 

[SCREAMING] ASDFGGHJKL LOOKIT HIM EATING OH MY GOD MY BOY MY DELINQUENT SON GET BETTER SOON oh my god i started out fine this episode but its KILLING ME there are TOO MANY PEOPLE AT ONCE i CANNOT BREATH

CHILD EMPEROR MY SON I LOVE YOU TOO BOFOI UR AN ASS oh my god please can you even TRY to be a good mentor for the kid???? Thats it Zombieman adopt him pls remove shitty Bofoi influence replace with Best dad man influence. ANYWAY ok that was a tangent huh oops sorry. Ok but look at him. Child Emperor is genuinely adorable and a sweetheart poor kid don’t lose your faith in adults.

Uh, the episode is running late still not to Garou yet either?? hmmmmmmmmm again I’m getting nervous are they gonna rush it?? lol the saitama throwaway OH OH FINALLY OMG MY HEART ISNT READY MY FAVORITE GAROU IN THE WHOLE SERIES OH MY GOD

im… im screaming… i love these two so much it hurts it does really. I was not prepared for how adorable it was possible to make Tareo either can I hug?? I must hugg?? And Garou’s voice is so calming and he’s being so sweet? I was really expecting to sound more… i dont know, whiney? Every time he shows up on the screen I love him more and more ffs

This is such a good shot. Desktop wallpaper material right here.

Oh my god, this moment. And the music is just yanking my heart strings stop.

Oh yeah, they interrupt right. I like these heroes and all, but none of them are particular faves the fact that I think SO MANY OTHER FAVES were are RIGHT before them this ep just kinda overshadows their existence for me. I think this is the ONLY time in the series where Garou goes up against heroes and i cheer for him 110%, don’t even feel a little bad about who he’s beating the shit out of, and that’s kinda messed up of me but thats how impartial I am towards all these guys?

Back to Garou and I love him. hhhhh.

He smak the table

He laughs. Oh no his laugh. OPM forcefully dislocated me from the underworld to watch this episode and has thusly YEETED ME TO HEAVEN THAT LAUGH. I really need Garou to be happy.

Do you see this man? Do you see him? I do and I’m crying thank you

Omg I got really caught up it watching them talk but the sparkles around death gatling whe Tareo was looking at them snapped me out of it. oi I cant handle this. Garou I want you to know that you have successfully turned the bad guy into the one everyone wants to win. You did it boy you did

WOAHMYGOD THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

OH MY GOD AND THE MUSIC IM SCREAMING

GAROU

YOU

ARE  

AMAZING SON

like I know how this goes but I’m so anxious anyway the hhhhhhhhhhhhh the fight choreography is a little clunky but I don’t care OH ok cool Glasses actually kept his little spotlight nice but Garou GAROU PLS B CAREFUL OK except WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS MOUTH DOING THAT LOOKS SO STUPID WHAT THE HELL?? HOLY SHIT IM GETTING DIZZY STOP wh- wh- wait no. NO IM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET COME BACK PLEASE I NEED MORE WAIT NO UHG this is my reaction at the end of every episode when will I learn?????????????? never. The answer is never.

NO POST CREDITS STINGER and AS MUCH AS I LOVE GENOS’S FACE I already knew he would be in the episode next week. Yall I am so lost as to where the final episode will land. WTF.

This ep was a roller coaster oh my god. Non stop plot not that the tournament is done, and we saw like EVERY CHARACTER my feeble heart could not keep up. The ONLY thing that bothered me was part of the fight sequence at the end, like it was half drawn beautifully half animated so stiff and blocky ??? Threw me for a loop. But next week is only gonna get more intense??? I’m gonna guess we’ll get through the Elder Centipede fight??? But then what does that mean for the last episode??? I am full of SO MANY QUESTIONS??? I really don’t want the season to end yet, 12 eps is not enough. There’s only 2 more. Just. I’m not ready to let go of my bbs it feels like I only JUST got them… Well! Before I devolve into more of a blubbering mess, thanks yall so much for reading!!! As always, see yall next week!

[negasonicimagines]

TEAM (Part Two)

I forgot to mention that this fic is partially inspired by Lorde’s “Team,” hence the title. Kind of about how no matter how much you and the other characters here bicker, you’re all on each others’ team.

This is the second part to TEAM (Part One) [but I hope that’d be obvious] and therefore is inspired by the same request and has essentially the same trigger warnings.

“So, you and Ellie, huh? About time,” Logan remarks, and you feel yourself blush.

“No! It’s not like that! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be the luckiest girl in the world, but, uh… No, it’s not like that.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen the way you two are together. When she’s not looking at you or her phone, she’s watching everyone else like a hawk, like they’re threats. Honestly, Piotr’s worried about her.”

At the mention of Wade’s friend, you’re reminded of what Logan said before, about the thing that he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, the thing Wade also knew.

“What was that, anyway? The thing you knew that you didn’t know before that you would’ve told me if you had but couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m afraid that’s Wade’s business.”

“Great,” you remark. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Listen, kid, I know the stuff he said-”

“Screamed.”

“The stuff he screamed at you was pretty fucking awful. But… He had his reasons, okay? Being around him, being as close to him as you were was dangerous. It made you a target,” Logan explains.

“When will you people realize that I can’t die forever?! I’ve died plenty of times, and I always come back! Let me make my own decisions!”

“How many times have you died, Y/N?” Logan asks.

“It’s just… Hard not to starve when my mom kicks me out over school breaks, especially with the metabolism that comes with a healing factor. I can’t stay with Wade all the time, he has himself and Al to worry about. Muggers don’t like when you don’t have money. Mom doesn’t like me when I don’t have money. I don’t know, probably like eight or nine times.”

“You should’ve come here!” Logan scolds, and you want to curl in on yourself, just like before. “I’m sorry. He and I both know just how much dying can fuck you up, so, to hear you say that you’ve died.... And that you don’t care if you do? It’s concerning, to say the least.”

“Boo-hoo, Y/N’s crazy. Who isn’t?” you remark, annoyed at his concern. Men, they always think they know better.

He sighs. “Listen. You should just talk to him, I’m sure-”

“No,” you say, and it comes out as a whimper. The wound was still fresh. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Logan reassures you. “He probably feels bad for what he said, and-”

“I said no,” you cut him off, but the sad tone in your voice doesn’t make you sound very convincing.

“And he’s not gonna apologize unless he thinks you wanna hear it. You know how Wade gets when he feels guilty, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna hear an apology. I just want him to be my friend again, like before. That’s it. I don’t care to know why, or how, or whatever. I just miss my friend,” you admit, and Logan sighs.

“Okay...”

“Is it alright if I go? I wanna get started on my Chemistry homework.”

“Yeah,” Logan says. “Go ahead. See you next Wednesday. Or, sooner, if you need anything.”

You leave the gym, making your way to your dorm  with your head down, when you bump into a familiar red-suited man.

“Sorry,” you squeak, not even able to meet the eyes of the mask, before attempting to go past him. He stops you, grabbing at your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Please d-don’t…”

“Y/N…” Wade murmurs, filled with remorse at his rampage. He’d made you scared of him, which means it worked, but he regrets how much it hurt you. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re not, huh?” Ellie, swiftly approaching, asks. “Pretty sure you already did, Deadpool.”

“I just wanted-” he starts, but Ellie, your avenging angel, cuts him off.

“You just wanted what, huh? To terrorize them more, is that it?

“Terrorize? I-”

“You what? Didn’t? Because as someone who sleeps in the same room as Y/N, I can confirm that you did. They cry in their sleep like they did the day it happened. Did you know that, that you made them cry? I guess you do now. So, leave, before I decide I’m going to follow you out the door and blow you to Hell.”

“E-Ellie, I said not to hurt him,” you quietly tell her, and she clenches her fists, grumbling.

“You did?” Wade asks.

“Of course,” you respond meekly, tapping the tips of your fingers together and avoiding the gaze of everyone around you. and Ellie places an arm around you, glaring at Wade without mercy.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I just didn’t know what to do, so much was happening. I was so angry at the situation, so scared for your safety, and I took all that aggression out on you, the one person I should’ve been channeling those feelings into protecting, and I- I know I already said it, but I’m a blabbermouth with nothing else to say, so… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, kid. I know you probably don’t care, you just wanna start over and stay the hell away from me, but I’m sorry. And my door’s always open.”

“Thank you. I forgive you,” you nod, smiling a little, You’re already starting to feel better, more like yourself.

“You what?” Ellie questions, shaking with anger. “He hurt you. He shouldn’t ever be forgiven.”

“She’s right,” Wade agrees, head down.

“Well, it’s my forgiveness, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it,” you remind them, shrugging.

“There she is,” Wade says quietly, and you can somehow tell that he’s smiling. You don’t know if it’s body language, tone of voice, or what, but he’s smiling.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m gonna keep living here, and I’m gonna keep taking better care of myself, so no one has to worry about me again,” you inform him.

“Wrong goal, but I appreciate the method. I don’t mind worrying about you, kid, but I’d rather worry about you not doing your homework than about the next time you’re gonna collapse on my porch, dead.”

“What?” Ellie wonders, and you groan. “Wait, have you died?”

“Goddammit, Wade,” you grumble. “She didn’t know that.”

“H-how?”

“Not important,” you tell her.

“No, it is, Y/N. You want all of us to get over the fact that you can die, but the truth is that you need to get over the fact that we care if you die,” Wade corrects you. There’s no malice in his tone, but the words themselves cause anxiety to slither out of the pit of your stomach like a snake and curl around your lungs and heart, maintining a tight grip.

“It’s because of you not eating or sleeping enough, isn’t it?” Ellie asks. “That’s what you guys were in that fight about the other morning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you admit, and Ellie closes her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to remain calm for your sake, for her own sake.

“Right,” she responds, sighing. “Well, I’m not letting that happen again.”

“Challenge accepted,” you chuckle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just on my way back to Photography. Forgot my camera. See you later.”

She makes her way in the direction of the classroom, disappearing around a corner.

“Man, if she didn’t hate me before, she sure does now,” Wade says, and you smile, shaking your head. “Really?” he asks.

“Photography is Mondays and Thursdays… And she didn’t even have her camera.”

Wade scoffs. “Well, she’s definitely taking good care of you. I always knew she would, one day. When did you two finally make it official?  I’m sorry that I missed it.”

“We haven’t made anything official, Wade, she doesn’t like me like that. We’re just close friends.”

He rolls his eyes, going to playfully shove your shoulder, but you flinch away. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I- I was so cruel, I just wanted to say whatever i could to get you away, to protect you, from m-”

“From what? The thing Logan keeps talking about?”

“What thing?” he asks, sounding a bit panicked.

“He keeps saying that there’s this thing he knows that he would’ve told me if he’d known before but he shouldn’t tell me now. It’s super weird, but he said you were going to tell me before you- You-” You stop yourself from continuing, still, shaking a little bit at the memory. It was only the day before yesterday.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. “It was part of the reason I did that. I just- Us being friends was already dangerous, and you being- You- You’re- I- I’m so sorry I left you with her, if I’d known, if I’d known she was pregnant...I would’ve done the right thing! I’m not that kind of dirtbag, you’ve gotta believe me, and I’m just so, so sorry. Everything that’s wrong with your life, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just thought- If I’d just thought, but I was young, and stupid, and there’s nothing I can do now except own up to it, own up to the fact that I- I am- I’m- Oh, please…” He practically falls into you, wrapping his arms around your neck. You feel him shake with sobs, and you cry, too, but with a different emotion. Not regret, but happiness.

“You? You’re him?” you ask, and he readjusts himself, backing away from you.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before hugging, I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard, and you’re my best friend, and I- I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m so sorry that I’m your father.”

“You are? You’re sorry?” you ask, knowing that he’s apologizing because he regrets it, regrets you and your entire existence.

“Not in the way you’re thinking! You- You deserve so much better, I wanted so much better for you,” he reassures you, or, at least, attempts to.

“How do you even know?”

“I just… I talked to Xavier to see if he had any connections that could help me find your father, and he said he did, but he insisted that I give him a sample of my DNA to see if they match before he used his connections. I laughed it off, but then… it was a match.”

“How’d you get my DNA?” You wonder.

“Oh, I stuck a cotton swab in your mouth while you were sleeping. Wasn’t hard, you’re a really heavy sleeper,” he says, and you have a faint memory of the dream you had about a week ago where you were abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest your DNA to create genetically modified pet humans for their home planet. You laugh.

“So, you found out it was a match, and then… You were angry about it? Hated that the Wilson family legacy wasn’t going to end with you?”

“No. I was angry, yeah, but at myself. I was irresponsible, and my best friend in the whole world sufferred because of it. I never recognized your mom the times I’d seen her, and we had sex!”

“You had sex with my mom? Bro code violation alert!” you joke, and he chuckles bitterly.

“Right?” he responds. “But… I don’t even know where to go from here. Things can’t go back to normal, that’s not okay. I need to step up. And, even if it was the right thing to do, going back to normal… I get the feeling that you’re not gonna be that comfortable around me for a while. I was… I was just like my dad. My worst fucking fear.”

“You’re not him, okay? I promise.”

“I should be comforting you,” he says, stepping towards you. Out of renewed instinct, you step back. He’s heartbroken.

“Try- Try not to take it personally, I’m like this with just about everybody,” you attempt to make him feel better, but he shakes his head.

“You haven’t been like this with me, not before- Before I did what I did. Said those things, those awful, untrue things. Why did I say those things? They weren’t the truth, they were the opposite of it. I love hearing from you, it makes every day better. Finding you on my couch is a great feeling, knowing that someone as great as you trusts me, sees me as someone who can keep them safe.”

“And my memes?” You ask in a sarcastically accusatory tone.

“The funniest,” he replies. “Can I- Can I give you a hug?”

You nod, and he surges forward, wrapping you up in his arms and spinning you around.

“I always hoped it’d be like that,” you quietly admit, and he beams.

“Listen, we can talk later at dinner. I think you’ve got a certain girl you need to talk to, and she and her metal accomplice are approaching.”

“I think she’s his accomplice,” you correct with a laugh.

“Gotta bounce before the hardest guy on Earth ropes me into another mission. I’ll be back, though, kid.”

“Yeah. See you soon…”

“Wade’s fine for now, unless you wanna call me something else. We can negotiate later, ‘kay? Love you, bye.” Wade scurries down the hall, not realizing that he’s going towards the dorms, not the exit.

“Wade Wilson!” calls Piotr from behind you, and you turn around to see that Ellie is far closer to you than she is to Piotr, having gone faster on her smaller, lighter legs.

“Uh, hello…” you say dumbly.

“Based on your expression, I’d say that discussion went well.”

“Very well. Thank you for giving him the opportunity to talk to me alone, I’m sure you didn’t wanna do that.”

“I didn’t, but I figured it was the best option. Tell me more on the way to the dorm.”

“Well, uh… He apologized, a lot. Not just for the fights.”

“For letting you die?”

“No. Worse.”

“Holy shit, what’d he do, and why haven’t I heard about it?” She asks, tense.

“Because I didn’t know,” you reply defensively. “He’s- He’s my biological father, Ellie.”

“Whoa… Seriously? How long has he known?”

“I don’t know, but not long, the DNA tests were recently. He just wanted to help me find my dad and when he asked Xavier if he had any way of helping, the Professor said that he had to submit a sample to be tested. Turn’s out the old man’s hunch was right. You… You still wanna be friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?” Ellie wonders.

“I just- I know you don’t like Wade very much, and I’m technically his daughter, so…”

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,” Ellie argues, and then covers her mouth.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, but just, like, in a friend way,” she plays it off rather smoothly, in her opinion, but you sigh in disappointment before you can stop yourself. “Wait, do you love me in a not-friend way?”

“Not really sure what you wanna hear,” you respond, feeling the recently-sealed cracks in your heart refracturing.

“Do you?” she asks.

You’re silent as the two of you walk to your shared dorm.

“Y/N, I asked you a question. Do you love me as a friend, or as more?”

You feel overheated and nauseous, that’s how nervous you are. You attempt to take some steadying breaths before answering: “More.”

“Oh, thank god…” she sighs. “I- I told you on Monday, when you fell asleep with me. But you were asleep, so, you didn’t hear me… Duh… I sound so stupid right now, don’t I?”

“No, not at all! Jeez, today just keeps getting better and better, I mean it!” You exclaim.

“Can- Can I kiss you?” Ellie asks nervously, and your eyes widen, but you nod. She takes your face in her hands and just goes for it, pressing her lips to yours. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her neck while her hands slip past your face and into your hair, tugging gently. You let out a small, quiet moan at that, and you can feel her smirk a little. She kisses you faster, pushing her body closer to yours, and your knees give out. She catches you in the nick of time, laughing a bit at how easily flustered you are as she nudges you toward the bed, sitting there with you. “Your knees are right, we probably shouldn’t rush into things.”

“Yeah…” you admit, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I love you…” She mumbles. “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually.”

“Same here. When did you know?”

Ellie replies: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I can tell you first, if you want,” you offer.

“Yeah, do that…” She says.

“I just realized that every time I was upset, you were there, making me feel better. Even if you didn’t know it. Every time my mom hit me, or I got stabbed by an asshole mugger, or I was about to faint from hunger… You were right there. Making my life better just by existing.”

“I wish I could’ve been right there in person, to help you,” Ellie says, and you shake your head.

“That’s not the point. The point is that you did, without even trying. You always make me happy, without even trying.You just have to be there and everything is better.”

“That’s really nice… I feel dumb now,” Ellie confesses.

“It’s not dumb! Probably not, I mean…” you reply, nuzzling her chest a bit as you try to get a bit cozier.

“Um...You probably don’t know this, but I used to get in fights a lot before we met. And Piotr would always lecture me, telling me it wasn’t heroic to fight out of anger. That I should fight for something, not because of something. That I should be aware of the consequences that come with fighting, and truly think about them before I did. I never understood what he meant, and then we met and became friends… Then best friends…

“I didn’t even realize that before every fight, even the ones I was assigned, I’d think about how I was going to make the world a better place for you. I’d think about what you would think if you heard what I was doing. I- I made a mistake at one point, got angry over nothing and got into another stupid, pointless fight. It was the first time in awhile I’d heard Colossus’s spiel, and I realized my thinking process with every world he spoke. It all just made me think of how I feel about you. You’d made me a better person, more mindful of the consequences of my actions, my thoughtless, immature violence. That’s when I knew.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s way better than mine and not embarrassing at all! Show-off,” you remark, and she chuckles.

“That was fucking beautiful!” Wade wails from behind the door.

“I think I liked it better when you two weren’t friends,” Ellie comments, and you smile at her, shaking your head. She takes your hand in hers and squeezes gently.

“Oh, come on. You can’t hate him. I mean, I wouldn’t exist without him, for a few reasons. I mean, he’s the one who passed me the gene for a healing factor, even if his was recessive before. And, I mean, he’s the sperm donor either way.”

“I heard that!” he shouts, and Ellie smiles at you, planting another kiss on your lips.

You could get used to this.

[pinesconessecrets]

Ice to Meet You

Merry Christmas @ladynightmare12 ! I hope you enjoy the fic!! <: I had a lot of fun with the soulmate AU, since it’s something I’ve always enjoyed. I combined it with the first meetings AU too. Have a great Christmas! <3

****

Wirt had given up on trying to find his soulmate when he was thirteen. He still remembered the conversation that came after he mentioned it to his mom. She had choked on her tea, wheezing until she’d managed to regain control of herself again. Then began the spiel about, “Oh, sweetie. You’ll meet her at some point in your life, don’t give up now!” and Wirt just sighed. Internally, of course. He didn’t want to upset his mom any further. A good bit of everyone in his grade had found their soulmate, leaving Wirt feeling terribly alone. Sara tried to comfort him, except she ran into her soulmate a few months later; it was some guy named Brian. That was a fun day.

He was a little more than relieved to graduate high school, which meant moving away to a college in a different state. A college in Oregon had caught his eye and he applied, half expecting to get denied. But lo and behold, the college actually accepted him and even had a full ride scholarship too.

Greg was against Wirt moving across the country when he broke the news. Wirt reassured him that he would call every day and keep in touch. He wouldn’t be left out just because Wirt didn’t live in the same house anymore.

Wirt enjoyed the trip to Oregon. His parents rented a small u-Haul for the stuff Wirt could take to put in his dorm. He was lucky enough to score a single person room, complete with his own bathroom. He didn’t think he could have managed if he had to share a dorm and a bathroom, much less having to suffer from public bathrooms.

They made the drive out to be like a mini vacation, taking their time since they left a few days early. Wirt’s nerves almost got the best of him a few times, the realization of him living somewhere that wasn’t with his mom and stepdad. Thankfully Greg managed to quickly distract him before he grew too anxious, eerily able to quickly figure out when his nerves were beginning to act up.

With the help of everyone, it didn’t take long before Wirt’s room was set up. He still had a few things to tweak here and there, like moving his desk closer to the window and hanging up his poems on the walls. He didn’t have much time to be particularly picky about how his room was set up with his parents and brother around.

They stayed in town for a few days, exploring the place with Wirt in tow. It definitely was a college town considering the absurd amount of fast food restaurants around. Like seriously, who needed this many fast food places? At least there were a few cafes for Wirt to hang out in. Cafes were pretty sweet places to chill at and they had a great effect on Wirt when it came to writing poetry. He was excited about that.

Tears were shed by his mom and Greg on the day they had to leave. Greg made Wirt promise to call him every day, and that was a rock fact. Wirt lingered in the parking lot for a bit longer than he intended, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh. He hoped he would be able to survive the semester before Christmas break. His next adventure in life had begun, only to bring challenges he had no way to prepare for.

Wirt got to studying diligently when the semester began. The majority of his classes were the core classes every freshman were required to take, including math. Thank god that he only needed to take two semesters of it due to his major in English. Math was one of his most detested classes; it was the worst. Maybe he was being overly dramatic, but Wirt would rather prefer to listen to someone scrape their nails on a chalkboard repeatedly for hours than be stuck in math class for even an hour. The entire point was above him, and the fact that other kids were majoring in math just blew his mind. They were to be feared.

The semester started out slow but picked up steam as the weeks went on. Midterms came and went, letting Wirt breathe a sigh of relief when his passing grades were posted.

He video called Greg before he went out trick or treating on Halloween, both happy and mortified that Greg decided to go as a garden gnome. Their trip to the Unknown was still very present in their minds years after it happened. At least now it was easier to deal with, and they didn’t have to worry about being sent into a fit of panic when winter rolled around anymore. Wirt admitted that Greg wore the outfit far better than he did, earning a protest of “No, you wore it better!” from Greg. They bickered back and forth until their mom told them to knock it out or else Greg wouldn’t be getting any candy that year. That shut Greg up and he hastily told Wirt goodbye and that he’d show him how much candy he got before going to bed.

Wirt found himself growing progressively more stressed as the end of the semester rolled around. His professors shoved study guides down their student’s throats and made it very clear that passing their finals would make or break their grades. Wirt found himself spending more and more time at his favorite cafe. He would have been surprised that he hadn’t drunk all of their tea if he wasn’t so stressed about passing his finals.

A week before finals, the unthinkable happened.

Wirt was on his way to the Jasmine Brew Cafe, lost in thought about his upcoming math final. It was the one he dreaded the most, and rightfully so. Other students in his class struggled as much as he did. The professor didn’t know how to break down the lesson so other kids could understand what he was trying to teach. Wirt barely managed to understand what the heck he was talking about most the time, and he hoped it would be enough.

Of course, the dork was so lost in thought that he wasn’t watching where he was walking. His foot made contact with frozen ice on the sidewalk, causing him to slip and fall down to the pavement. Wirt miraculously held onto his notebooks, laying on his back, winded from his fall.

Someone with unruly brown hair peered down at him with a look of mild concern. Wirt wished he could turn invisible because he knew that everyone around him saw what just happened.

“Hi there. It’s ice to meet you finally.” The other boy paused, before continuing. “I hope that’s not weird? I’ve seen you around campus before and I noticed you were always alone and I was going to say hi but I always got distracted and oh my god I’m sorry I’m kinda rambling. I tend to do that a lot and my sister always punches me and yep I’m gonna shut up now.”

Wirt’s wrist burned. That was what his stupid soulmate mark said. ‘Hi there, it’s ice to meet you finally.’

He wanted to say something witty back, but all that could come out of his mouth was, “Was that a motherfucking pun?” He rarely cussed, but dangit he was sleep deprived and angry that he was stupid enough to fall and slip on ice.

The other boy blanched, his extended hand frozen in shock. Wirt shuffled to his feet, clutching his notebooks to his chest. An awkward silence enveloped the two, only to be broken by the other boy.

“Do you want to go somewhere warm? Get some coffee or something?”

Wirt broke free of his surprise. “Uh, um, sure. I was heading to the Jasmine Brew Cafe to get some studying done. It’s right up the street here.”

“Cool. I’ve only been there once or twice, so lead the way.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at Wirt expectantly.

“Right.” Wirt turned on his heels and began walking to the cafe, fidgeting with the spiral of a notebook. He knew that he was probably acting slightly like a jerk. Okay, a lot like a jerk. He had spent the majority of his teenage years resenting the idea of soulmates, knowing he’d never find his and that he’d live the rest of his life alone. But look what happened. He ran into his soulmate.

The rush of warm air made Wirt feel grateful for heating, heading to his usual spot by the wall. He sat with his back to the wall, and a large window to his left. Being able to look out into the street helped declutter his mind.

He almost relaxed, until the other boy - his soulmate - slid into the chair across from him. He looked as nervous as Wirt was.

“I’m Dipper, by the way. I don’t think I introduced myself yet.”

“Wirt. It’s um, nice to meet you, I guess,” he mumbled, his awkwardness hitting him like a fricking train. Now that the fact that yep, him finding his soulmate was a thing, was starting to sink in, a feeling of panic also begun to set in too.

“Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re freaking out there a little. I mean, I’m kinda freaking out too, but that’s because I’m super pumped to have finally run into my soulmate.” Dipper looked giddy almost.

Wirt chewed on a nail. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. It’s just… I gave up on finding my soulmate years ago, so I never thought I would actually run into them. I hope you don’t think I’m a jerk or anything because oh my god I feel so bad for being cold to you.”

When Dipper was silent, Wirt looked up to find him holding back a snicker. With the biggest shit eating grin, Dipper replied, “Was that a motherfucking pun?”

“Oh my god.” Wirt groaned, dropping his face into his hands. “Do not use my own words against me.”

“Kinda hard to considering they’re right here.” Dipper rolled his sleeve back, revealing the words scrawled across his arm. God, they were even in Wirt’s own handwriting. How crazy was that?

Wirt reached out to touch the words on Dipper’s arm, stopping short once he realized what he was about to do. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s a lot to take in. But I don’t mind if you wanna take a closer look at them.” His voice was quiet.

Figuring that he may as well roll with the punches, Wirt pulled his own sleeve back, exposing Dipper’s godawful pun written on the inside of his forearm. Dipper didn’t hesitate before running his fingers over Wirt’s pale skin, tracing the scratchy letters of his own handwriting. It looked different from his own, his letters rushed and hurried versus the flowing loops of Wirt’s.

Wirt finally caved and traced the words on Dipper’s arm. The two dorks sat in silence, no words needing to be exchanged as they let the importance of the day truly sink in.

The corners of Dipper’s mouth quirked up in a grin after a while. “So, did you wanna get a coffee and chat? And maybe tell me how you’ve bean all these years.”

Wirt had a feeling the puns weren’t ever going to stop.