#crack / cheng .

[qpjianghu]

i'm sorry but this is SO MUCH FUNNIER than "there was only one bed." obviously the big bad censors were like "no siree" and the link click fam was like FINE... NOW THERE ARE TECHNICALLY TWO BEDS BECAUSE WE ADDED A MILLIMETER OF SPACE BETWEEN THEM OKAY?? GO AWAY MOM

[drrksaturday]

[lenateliier]

You think the memory of it ever just hits him on a random Tuesday?

[biboomerangboi]

Xie Lian (And Hualian) as Text Posts I found

Hua Cheng Version

[ying-an-sanren]

It's them 😩

[s2pdoktopus]

When Jiang Cheng says something he shouldn't have said.

[ID: A MDZS comic. Jiang Cheng angrily shouts, "I wish I didn't sacrifice myself to the Wen for you!" Wei Wuxian looks stunned. "... What?" Then he looks furious. "You did what?!?"

Wei Wuxian grabs Jiang Cheng by the collar and growls, "C'mere you little shit. Say it again. What did you do?" Jiang Cheng, sweating, goes, "Nothing," and Wei Wuxian pleads, "Jiang Cheng, please..." Jiang Cheng looks down and puts a hand over Wei Wuxian. "Wei Wuxian..."

Jiang Cheng looks up with an earnest expression. "It's all in the past, it doesn't matter anymore. Let it go. (Or something.)" Wei Wuxian looms over him and scolds angrily, "Don't you dare use my words against me!" End ID]

[twistedappletree]

[sillysiluriforme]

its huh its messy

[junnmoon]

MLB🐞twitter core

(fem reader)

i fear it’s been 6 months #mybad. but anywho! there’s a lot of cat noir bc he’s my favorite tbh. hopefully i translated the characters realistically (prob not). especially chat. that diva.

i luv to read ur comments and stuff cause they crack me up. lmk what u thought! -🌺

[xinyuehui]

S2EP12 x S3EP01

Take my power and live on...

[rukia-g]

Hi my name is Marinette Dark'ness Dupain Raven Cheng and I have shoulder length black hair with a pink streak tied in two ponytails and a lot of people tell me I look like Shadybug (AN if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Adrien Agreste but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm half Chinese but my eyes are blue. I have pale white skin. I'm also half French and I live in Paris with my parents in a apartment on top of their bakery. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black and pink. I love fashion and I make most of my clothes myself. For example today I was wearing ripped pink jeans, a white t-shirt, a black jacket and black boots, with black fishnet fingerless gloves and a black and pink ascot. I was walking to school. It was raining and thundering, which I was very happy about. Chloe and her friends stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

[heqvenlymoons]

That One, I Want That One

Based on @fleursroses 's incorrect quote! <3

This is being posted as a oneshot on both my AO3 account and here on tumblr for now but I'm seriously considering turning it into a multi-chaptered fic because how well it was received. Someone said it had rom com potential and I can see it 😭

Daminette One Shot | Crack Fic | AO3

Damian tugged on the collar of his great dane, Titus, trying to get away from his imbecile brothers. 

It was a futile endeavour, as his brothers merely sped up their walking pace, talking over one another. 

“Come on, Dami! We just wanna know,” Richard— Grayson, because he was currently being a nuisance— whined. 

Todd scoffed, waving around the toy Nerf gun he insisted on bringing. “You know what? The brat’s probably better off without a wife, god forbid whoever gets stuck with him forever. I bet you, the little shit’s gonna be the one blackmailing someone into being his wife if he sees fit.” 

“Fuck you, Todd.” Damian’s fingers itched to grab his katana and slit it over his idiotic brother’s throat but at last, his father and pseudo grandfather figure, Alfred, had confiscated the knives he tried to sneak out on their business trip to Paris. 

Drake sipped on his coffee, his head bobbing up and down as he struggled to stay awake, even as he mumbled an incoherent, “You’re never going to get an answer if you aggravate him like that, Jay. Although I’d still like to know as well.” 

He hadn’t finished his sentence when he stumbled into a nearby pedestrian, almost kissing the ground had Todd not grabbed him by the collar at the last second.

During the mishap, the coffee cup Drake was holding spilled onto the floor, seeping into the ground as he stared at it with mournful eyes. “My coffee!” 

Todd rolled his eyes, letting go of the sleep-deprived Drake’s collar with an unsympathetic pat on the shoulder.

Damian’s lips curved up to a smirk. Perhaps that would keep Drake quiet for a few minutes as he mourned his spilled coffee. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t stop Grayson or Todd from their irritating line of questioning his so-called ‘love life’. 

Damian glared when Grayson pulled out the puppy doll eyes, accompanied by his repeated question, “Come on, please? Just answer the question— what’s your ideal type?” 

“Repeating the question with that pathetic expression of yours does not make me any more inclined to answer your question.” Damian spotted a bakery up ahead and approached it, ignoring Grayson’s pout. 

Perhaps his dingbat brothers would behave themselves in an embellishment full of people, although that would be wishful thinking on his part. 

His brothers, of course, followed him and continued to push their relentless questions onto him 

Todd grabbed his arm, stopping him, a glint of glee in his eyes, no doubt finding amusement in his current predicament. “You know, we’re not going to stop bothering you until you tell us.” 

Damian’s brows furrowed in annoyance, knowing full well from experience that his brothers would not stop poking and prodding until he did what they wanted. 

Right now, they wanted to know his ideal type, and they claimed his answer was to sedate their ever-growing ‘curiosity’ when he knew they wanted to utilize the information to set him up with someone. 

He scowled, making his decision. He would tell them only to make them stop badgering him about the inane question but that didn’t mean he was open to the idea of a relationship with someone they chose for him 

“Fine. My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. You imbeciles better not utilize this information to set me up with someone or I will stab you.” He hissed, sending them his most intimidating glare for good measure. 

Todd dared to smirk at him. “Not likely, Demon Spawn. And even if we did, you won’t stab us. You’re all bark and no bite.” 

In response, Damian kicked him in the knee, making the older double over with a grunt. 

Before he could continue his assault, Grayson dragged him away, Todd spitting curses from where he lay on the ground in a starfish position, the Nerf gun on the ground beside him. 

Grayson was already wearing the contemplative expression he had on whenever he was about to do something stupid. “Okay~ that’s enough, little D. Back to what we were discussing, your future girlfriend has to be brave, strong, and smart, you say?” 

Damian gritted his teeth. “You are paraphrasing at best but I assume you already got the general idea because I am not going to repeat myself for your benefit.” 

He turned and before he could turn the door handle of the bakery to continue his dramatic exit (or in this case, dramatic entry), the door flew open and it would’ve hit him in the face had it not been for his quick reflexes.

The scowl reappeared on his face and he turned back to reprimand the person who dared try to attack him with a door to see a girl about his age, shuffling past his bewildered brothers in a hurry. 

Damian blinked, watching as the girl with raven-haired pigtails promptly tripped over nothing, crashing into the pole, the box she was holding fell from her hands and macaroons came tumbling out. 

He watched with interest as the girl mumbled out apologies to the inanimate object, picking up the fallen macaroons from the ground while she did and putting them back in the box. 

Snapping out of his daze, he handed Titus’s leash to Grayson before moving to help the girl, grabbing the remains of the macaroons from the ground and placing them in a neat row in the box.

He held out a hand for the girl to take, which she accepted with a grateful look and he pulled her to her feet. 

Getting a good look at her face, he was filled with a fluttering sensation in his stomach and he ignored it, thinking he must be coming down with a stomach bug. “Are you alright? That was quite a fall.”

Her bluebell eyes were blown wide, staring into his green ones with surprise. She broke the stare first, shaking her head before responding, “I’m fine! Thank you for your help, I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Her phone dinged and she yelped. “I’m sorry but I’m already late, see you around, mysterious handsome but kind person!”  

He opened his mouth to respond but she had already sped away, only catching sight of her red face as she turned.

His face heated as his mind caught up with her words. The girl was definitely something… 

He felt an arm going around his shoulders and he didn’t react, still staring in the direction the girl took off. 

“So, didn’t know Demon Spawn had it in him to talk to a pretty girl without scowling,” Todd drawled, the beginning of a teasing expression appearing on his face when he noticed the dazed look his youngest brother was sporting. 

Damian shoved him away, looking distracted.

Drake shook his head, mumbling, “I must be hallucinating, Demon Spawn would never willingly talk to someone, much less a girl.” 

“That one. I want that one.” Damian declared, unknowingly sending his adopted brothers into cardiac arrest at the words that fell out of his mouth. 

Grayson looked torn between looking wary and gleeful. “Uh… what do you mean by ‘that one’, little D?” 

Damian didn’t look at him as he pointed in the direction the girl ran off. “Her.” 

Todd’s jaws gaped like a fish, for once, speechless. 

Drake in his sleep-deprived state can only dumbly respond, “That’s not how it works, Damian. You can’t just go around adopting people.”

Damian finally dragged his gaze away from the direction the girl had long run off in, glaring at his brothers with his cheeks blazing red. “Not adoption, you imbecile.”

Not giving them the time to respond, he continued, a look of stress crossing his expression before he willed it away. “You lot have to keep Father from adopting her, it would cause complications.”

Grayson hummed. “She does meet the criteria, black hair and blue eyes.”

Todd seemed to have unfrozen, shaking his head in denial. “Wait wait wait, just wait a second. You’re saying, she’s your ideal type? You literally met her 5 minutes ago! I thought you said your future partner must be and I quote ‘brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized’?” 

He prattled on, not paying attention to how Titus had taken to getting slobber all over his shoes. “No offence to her but she tripped over air and crashed into the poll in front of her. The clumsy behaviour caught your eye of all things? Are you sure you haven’t been abducted by aliens?” 

Damian glared, the red not receding from his face. He rounded on Drake. “Do a full background check on her, it is necessary for me to know everything about her if she were to be my partner.”

He paused, scowling. “Actually, I better do this myself. I need to know everything about her, it is better if you imbeciles stay as far away from her as possible. She does not need you all to monopolize her time.” 

He grabbed Titus’s leash from Grayson and headed in the direction of Le Grand Paris to do just that, leaving behind his shell-shocked brothers. 

Jason turned to his brothers, looking amused now that he had gotten over his shock. “So, who’s gonna tell him that stalking is not the right way to woo a girl?” 

[mushroomwriter]

THE UNTAMED episode 34

[biboomerangboi]

Hualian as Text Posts Cause I honestly had so many.

Xie Lian Vers. Hua Cheng Vers.

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Ok so we've all read the "someone spiked the teapot" fics. Great stuff. But they always take place after the war. Get ready for "someone spiked supper during the guest lectures".

Firstly it's so important to me that Wei Wuxian didn't do it. He's innocent in all this. Hell he could be seen as a victim in all this.

Lan Qiren and what Lans weren't at dinner have sent the guest disciples to their rooms, and are working on corralling the drunk Lans. It's a very slow and silly process. No one can find Lan Wangji or the assumed culprit, Wei Wuxian.

Eventually Jiang Cheng comes up as is all "Lan Wangji has been in our rooms this whole time. I swear he's been petting Wei Wuxian's head and calling him his favorite bunny. He tried to bite my fingers off. I admit I'm a bit out of my depth here"

[lilapplesheadcannons]

"MDZS version of calling your boyfriend by their name prank"

Jiang Yanli: ZiXuan, can you go get the mail, please?

Jin ZiXuan: Are you mad at me? Why are you mad at me? Is it because I used your toothbrush?

Wei Wuxian: Wangji, can you pass me some fries?

Lan Wangji: What did you just call me?

Wei Wuxian: Your name?

Lan Wangji: My name!? I AM BA-BE!

Jiang Cheng: Xichen, can you get me a beer?

Lan Xichen: Sorry, why did you call me Xichen? You never call me Xichen. Stop it. I don't trust you. No! Get away from me.

Meng Yao: MingJue...

Nie MingJue: Did you just call me MingJue?

Meng Yao: That's your name, isn't it?

Nie MingJue: I don't know why you're acting this way! Let me tell you, JIN GUANG YAO...