#crack I guess
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Okay SOOOOO
We've most of us seen the poetry with the black birds around this site, right???
Like. The 'The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math' ones etc..
Now. Matthew having been a modern person may have, within reason, seen these, right?
Now. Imagine him quoting these at random times.
Like. To dreams and nightmares. To Dream. Lucienne. They're amused, just a little. Because.
However, the first time he does it with Hob Gadling the man starts laughing so hard he cries. And Matthew caws along happily.
Meanwhile Dream is there like. 'Why yes, that is amusing. Not that amusing. Truly, you may cease your laughter at any time. Hob. Hob why are you CRYING. Matthew WHAT DID YOU DO'
#IDC it's funny to me#the sandman#the sandman matthew#Hob Gadling#Crack I guess#I debated on if I tag this as#dreamling#But in my heart it is so here we are
794 notes
·
View notes
Text
The mark of an excellent engineer is predicting the unpredictable. Anticipating how a user might misuse or abuse a product before theyâve ever laid eyes on it. Preempt the mistakes and the fringe use cases and design them into insignificance with failsafes and redundancies.
Lena is, by all accounts and conferred degrees, an excellent engineer. She designed the anti-kryptonite suit to withstand, well, everything. Itâs built to handle abuse ranging from unplanned space flight to close contact with a nuclear warhead.
Most engineers donât exactly take into account how their product might inadvertently abuse them, however. And in that respect, Lena is no better than the rest.
She watches Supergirl peel off that technically perfect helmet, not a splash of sickly green on her golden skin, and Lena expects to feel triumphant. Proud. Accomplished.
Instead, she feels affronted. Thereâs no other way to describe the physically oppressive tightening in her chest when the hero shakes out her hay-colored hair, helmet in hand. The headpiece comes off, gorgeously windswept curls tumble out of it, and Lena gapes as her last remaining brain cell goes up in smoke.
Itâs like a goddamned motion picture. Down to the way Lenaâs jaw hinges open, slack and completely outside of her control. Blonde waves cascade over the armor Lena hand-built for those broad shoulders and all her insides collectively squeeze. A wayward strand catches on a passing breeze and alights on a delicately flushed cheek, framing Supergirlâs handsome jaw. Lena huffsâat this point itâs just offensive.
Sheâs bordering on furious with herself for not considering the obvious danger in her design (irritatingly perfect hair, an ill-advised sapphic crush, and a glorified motorcycle helmet do not a productive match make). Unintentional harm or distraction to anyoneâwearer or notâis simply an unacceptable failure mode in battle. Of course her irritation isnât enough to keep her from raking her eyes appreciatively over everything that her suit emphasizes on National Cityâs beloved Kryptonian.
Lenaâs debating alternative head coverings in her mindâthroat still dry, eyes still roving, fingertips still itching to learn how soft those golden waves truly areâwhen Supergirl glances her way. She smiles and itâs like the sun catches on all of her at once. Light glints off her suit (Lenaâs suit, that she made for her), illuminates her hair, dances in her smile and suddenly Lena understands why people worship her as a god.
The super is radiant as she walks over. âLena,â she breathes, tucking the helmet under one arm. Lenaâs sheer disgust with this entire clichĂ© is the only thing that keeps her from moaning outright at the way her name sounds from that mouth. âYou saved me.â Supergirlâs blonde head ducks bashfully andâoh, she gets to be cute now too? How dare she. A chuckle rumbles through the crest that Lena placed on her chest. âAgain. You saved me again.â
Crystal eyes lock on hers and Lenaâs awareness of anything outside those deep, searching blue flees her entirely. Struck dumb, Lena holds Supergirlâs gaze, chin lifted, until the hero finds whatever sheâs looking for.
An irresponsibly cocky smirk curls at the corner of Supergirlâs mouth. It pushes her a step closer and the proximity shoots a wave of instability through Lenaâs knees.
âIs there any way I can repay you?â The super says, voice low. Lena wonders briefly if sheâs been transported to the set of a low-budget porno. As if on cue, her brain fires off three filthy responses in rapid succession. This cannot be happening. She swallows hard to keep those thoughts sequestered in her head where they belong.
Possessed by some force greater than herself (perhaps Luthor composure, roaring through her veins from a family she normally loathes to emulate), Lena straightens. One of her eyebrows arches and Supergirlâs smile grows.
She bites the inside of her lip thoughtfully and watches in delight as the Kryptonian stands up a little taller, expectant.
âThereâs no need, Supergirl,â Lena purrs, right on script, reaching out to swipe her thumb over a smudge on the suitâs chest plate. Keen eyes track the movement, so Lena allows her touch to linger. She retracts her hand slowly and meets the heroâs eyes once more. They are eager, focused entirely on her, and a shiver of satisfaction bolts through Lena at the attention.
With a heavy flutter of her lashes, she drops her voice. âBut now that you mention it, I would love to get my hands on that suit of yours.â She pauses, allowing the implication to swell in the air. âI have several ideasâŠâ she casts her gaze down the Kryptonianâs front and up again, âfor improvements Iâd like to make. If youâd allow me, of course.â
Supergirlâs eyebrows near her hairline as she stutters, âY-yeah, totally,â her voice a whoosh. Then she shakes her head, sloughing off her apparent stupor, and her grin is back in full forceâsexy and blinding at once. âSeeing as this is your creation, Iâd say Iâm all yours.â
She pierces Lena with that clear-eyed stare. âActually. Are you free right now, Miss Luthor?â
Lena bites down a smirk and savors the goosebumps that tickle the back of her neck. She nods once, quick and to the point. Supergirlâs smile blooms across her face, replacing the self-assured swagger with such genuine delight that Lena is battered twice with attraction and endearment. She mirrors the heroâs expression and loops her arm around the elbow offered to her.
They turn to leave at a leisurely pace, ignoring the long-suffering voice of Agent Danvers yelling after them.
âHey. Hey! Where the hell do you think youâre going?! KaâSupergirl! That suit is DEO property! Hey! Hey! Donât you walk away from me!â
Supergirl laughs, eyes never leaving Lenaâs as an agitated âmotherfuckerâ echoes in their wake.
393 notes
·
View notes
Text
Seal fight for a necklace
Iâm not saying we should've gotten a seal fight between Atreus & Heimdall, but we should've gotten a seal fight between Atreus & Heimdall. HEAR ME OUT PLS. In the OG myth Loki steals Freyas necklace under Odins orders and Freya gets Heimdall to get it back, in GOW it would happen in reverse.
Freya talks about this necklace she had but Odin still has it. She misses it but never says anything about going back for it. Atreus hears this, and promptly goes to steal it back from Odin. Surprisingly he gets away with it while everyone is sleeping. Of course, Odin eventually finds out and gets Heimdall to get it back, (it has no value to Odin he's just petty). Cue the funniest fight in the realms, they fight all the way to Vanaheim. Kratos n Co. see this mess, Thrudd and Skoljr are cheering for âLokiâ to win. Everyone is even MORE confused, eventually the two seals shift into people and what in Fayes name WHY ARE ATREUS AND HEIMDALL FIGHTING.Â
The fight is scrappy, Atreus bit Heimdall at some point with enough force to break his arm. Sending his ass home wounded in more ways than 1 Thrudd bullying him all the way back home. Atreus gives Freya her necklace and promptly passes out cuz itâs been a long night and he's tired. Next morning, he explains the whole thing over breakfast, everyone is in disbelief except Brok who is a very proud uncle atm. Odin!Tyr is bitterly impressed and us wondering how Atreus snuck into Asgard so easily....[END]
dam I gotta get back into writing lol
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
M(erry) and Merry meeting,
M: Wanna fuck?
Merry: No?
M: So you are considering it?
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
The chaos in this image of my main comfort characters
I made this image to show my first ever comfort characters meeting my current comfort characters but this just feels so funny out of context đđ
Yes my first two comfort characters were an angry bird side character whose only ever appeared one and a feminine enby robot made for childâs entertainment.
They were also my first kins lol. I always loved these two, they were my absolute favorite characters when I was a kid using the internet. If anything I saw them as my mother figures!! I still love them to this day <33
As for my current comfort characters, they also are my biggest top fictional crushes and even f/o. We got a angry bomb guy, a hot demon gf, and the only actual human who is literally obsessed with fear and is a criminal. My type is a melting pot like everything in my life.
I love to imagine that all my comfort characters genuinely care for me but not as much as my two first ones who saw me grow up and fixated on them when I was just a kid. I feel like Mangle would definitely be overprotective while Ruby just is a sweetheart.
This image can also be summarized as my moms meeting my partners.
#angry birds ruby#angry birds#ruby the red bird#comfort character#comfort characters#crack i guess#crossover#shitpost#batman scarecrow#jonathan crane#btas jonathan crane#btas#batman the animated series#whitty#fnf whitty#friday night funkin#fnf gf#fnf girlfriend#girlfriend#fnaf mangle#mangle#five nights at freddy's#first comfort characters#current comfort characters#f/o stuff#romantic f/o#family f/o
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was walking out of the Walmart today, and a car passed me, and I got this incredibly vivid impression. It wasn't really in words, but if I had to put it into words, the two key points would be
a). I needed to watch that car and
b). That I needed to be careful, because the driver of the car was a massive bitch.
It kind of took me by surprise, because I really had no reason to be beefing with that car, and I also hadn't really had an impression like that since I was religious, which was in my teen years. Right? It'd been a decade since I had a little voice whisper in my ear, and I'd basically written it off as nonsense.
Anyway, I watched the car, because The Spirits or whatever were very insistent that I did. Car drove fine, went into the parking spot, inched forward, and right when it should've just stopped, the driver gunned it for some reason and it ran into the curb and cracked its bumper.
So, the driver got out, and she went to the front of the car to check that yes, she had cracked her bumper, and then she turned to look at me. The parking lot wasn't empty, but we were the only two people standing in that row, and I'd probably been staring at her for tenish seconds now.
She demanded very angrily to know why I hadn't warned her of the curb. And I could have said I didn't know you were about to gun it or is it my job to help every stranger park, or even could you have even heard me, inside your car?
And all of those would have been fine, but I was really, really busy digesting that I had somehow communed with Mormon Jesus again for the first time in fifteen years, and that the communion had mostly been there to let me watch someone park badly (?), so what I responded with was:
"Because it was foretold."
And I can't tell which would be funnier, if she went silent because there's not much to be said to that, or if she went silent because in Utah, she might actually believe me, but we parted ways without more words.
I'm still kind of digesting this myself, actually.
#Mormon Jesus really wanted me to watch someone crack their bumper?#It was kind of funny to watch#like if this is gods apology i guess i can take it#a decade and a half of radio silence between former highschool friends and then one sends the other a shitpost#and maybe the friendship isnt fixed but its a channel you know?#at least we're talking again#would that all my stupid mistakes could be divine shitposts#amen#Babylon-Lore
32K notes
·
View notes
Text
@stelliferousduo
Paimon vc: Why does this Paimon get to be tall and I don't huh!???
''The only thing you can tall order for is food'', Oooooooooo.
1 note
·
View note
Text
I just had a DPxDC crossover idea that I thought was funny.
What if every time John Constantine sold his soul he was basically agreeing to being âadoptedâ by the entity he was selling his soul to.
He thinks all of the entities he sold his soul to are leaving him alone because theyâre too busy fighting/have a truce to not fight as long as none of them claim his soul, meanwhile heâs got like a dozen or so ghost/demon parents ready to go to court to fight for custody when he finally dies.
Danny, having been taken in as a ward by an older ghost since he technically counts as a baby ghost until heâs 100 or something, meets Constantine for the first time and is like: âWhy are you 1/15th my brother?â
Bonus points if Danny is technically the big brother in ghost terms because heâs been a ghost the longest. Sure Constantine may be a little liminal but that doesnât count he doesnât even have a death day yet.
Like:
Danny (Certified little shit): âBaby brother why do you never come to dinner? :(â
Constantine, too sober for this: âThe fuck did you just call me?â
Constantine vehemently denies any relation but they bicker like siblings.
#dc x dp#crack#john constantine#danny phantom#some ghost lore I just made up for fun cause I thought it was funny#John Constantine has a storm coming and he doesnât even know#heâs got like 15 ghostly parents (and counting)#1/15th the same way someone with one different parent is your half brother#AU I guess?#letâs just call it#Custody battle for the ages AU
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
The first part of the fic "Mistakes on mistakes until" in a nutshell
#Help okay I really don't understand most of the first part but I guess it is okay#But when they both started hacking each other#Excuse me goobers you are silly pogpodpfo#And the cracked dialogues in between dhegdjwlkew#Okay I think I will like this fic XDD Slowly and steadily#cockroachdoodles#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
the "diagnosis" Chilton gave Will during his trial was the one closest to the truth ("Will Graham has never been diagnosed. He won't allow anyone to test him. He has carefully constructed a persona to hide his real nature from the world. He wears it so well, even Jack Crawford couldn't see past it. (...) There is not yet a name for whatever Will Graham is.")
unlike Alana Bloom or Jack Crawford, he saw what a manipulator Will was and that in front of them he played a poor, confused, wounded bird ("(...) A particularly-manipulative one at that. Poor, confused, wounded bird for Agent Crawford and Doctors Lecter and Bloom. And for me, well, I get the psychopath's triumvirate: charm, focus and ruthlessness. The charm, of course, being debateable.")
he believed Will that Hannibal may be the Chesapeake Ripper and said Jack Crawford: "Hannibal once served me tongue and made a joke about eating mine. It's hard not to at least consider it.". Jack ignored him. (I think Jack was already planning some large-scale action against Hannibal, but that's a topic for another post)
he called Dr Lecter "Hannibal the Cannibal"
he understood that Will Graham was alive because Hannibal Lecter liked him that way
criticized Jack for letting Will and Hannibal get closer to each other and then leaving Will alone ("You dangle Will Graham and now you cut bait. You are letting Hannibal have him hook, line and sinker.")
when Jack expressed hope that the relationship between Hannibal and Will was one of those friendships that ends after the disemboweling, Chilton told him: "I would argue, with these two, that's tantamount to flirtation. Will is going to lead you right to him." and let's be real, he was right.
#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram#murder husbands#jack crawford#frederick chilton#my dumb-dumb babygirl is actually always right#i love him#hannibal meme#hannibal memes#hannibal shitpost#hannibal crack#hannibal meta#hannibal analysis#i guess#character meta#character analysis#frederick chilton meta#frederick chilton analysis#pesky--dust crack#pesky dust thoughts#pesky--dust analysis
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
wake up bestie new lestat and daniel as trixie & katya animatic just dropped, as promised đșđș
(this took way longer than it should have because i was putting off drawing tiny lestat laughing for THREE DAYS)
[pt. 1]
#*holds out tin can for reblogs*#drastically changed my art style since last week i guess#but well!#iwtv#amc interview with the vampire#trixie and katya#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#daniel molloy#lestat iwtv#daniel iwtv#my art#iwtv fanart#fanart#rockstar lestat#iwtv s3#iwtv animatic#animatic#danstat#iwtv crack#art
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Moon Pearl
hwat if BP finally reformed after years of grief and took her mum's place as the new embodiment of the Almighty Sea~?
But, be wise to not mistake this change of mind as passive. For she is as beautiful as she is volatile, sailors of all stripes being cautioned to offer tribute to the sea for the promise of a safe voyage.
#Black Pearl Cookie#I am so unnormal about her-#Moon Pearl Cookie#Idk I've seen other artists taking a crack at a reformed pearl design and wanted in on the action#This was one of the things I lost in the outage that I was proud of...#So naturally I wanted to restore that shit the fastest#Yes I interpret her and Sea Fairy's relationship as mother and daughter#no hate if you ship SeaPearl I guess but that ain't me chief#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#CRK
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Oof right in the abandonment issues
#Naomi really knew how to sniff out their weaknesses#deans abandonment issues and specifically cas leaving him#and then for cas it was just anything Dean#hence the brainwashing and lobotomies and forced dean clone massacre#thank god true love broke the connection#but ya I mean I guess weâll never know#supernatural#spn#dean winchester#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#jensen ackles#spn crack#Naomi#spn 8x19#8x19
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Merry floating in the void.
Merry: weeeee.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
#warm up#writeblr#this is also about being ace btw#my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it#bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like#trying to warn u that if you find it ârelationship upkeepâ to have sex with ur partner#and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them.#which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in!#but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected!#> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess#> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT#i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know#but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace''#bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual#it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward.#TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND#AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE#bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex#and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs#and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex''#WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it.#not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden?#even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB#i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point#but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one#and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
i dont have anything to say about this.
original under cut
#first time drawing stan and i guess hes just innately in me.#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#grunkle stan#gravity falls memes#bill cipher#this is the only way i could view a deal between bill and stan going down btw.#just stan intentionally annoying the hell out of bill until he cracks.#ok to rb#jules.txt#jules art
969 notes
·
View notes