#cptsd flight

[avoidantrecovery]

“The flight-freeze type avoids potential relationship-retraumatization with an obsessive-compulsive/dissociative "two-step." Step one is working to complete exhaustion. Step two is collapsing into extreme "veging out", and waiting until his energy reaccumulates enough to relaunch into step one. The price for this type of no-longer-necessary safety is a severely narrowed existence.”

— The Flight-Freeze Hybrid, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

[sweetjijisama]

That's it.

I have enough.

Let's make a freakin CPTSD support group in Germany or I'll go insane.

Idk how to execute it but I am sick of not being able to find support.

I am not a therapist or anything but I keep learning more and more about cptsd and trauma (also neurodivergent stuff).

It would be great if you have read at least one book about cptsd or watched a few informative videos (from licenced therapists).

No need to know much or anything tbh bc I know you guys are going to think you're not good enough or that you think your knowledge doesn't mean anything. I know your inner critic :' )

Knowing you actually have CPTSD or suspecting you have it is already enough. I know how we tend to downplay our experiences and keep telling ourselves "it wasn't that bad/others had it worse/at least x didn't happen to me etc.)"

Reading Pete Walkers cptsd from surviving to thriving and the trauma module from healthygamergg was very helpful for me.

Feel free to contact me. Even if you don't live in Germany.

I know it's incredibly hard to message people and ask for help or do anything at all at this point. And I know what it's like to feel unwelcome and completely worthless (anywhere in this world, really).

Or feeling like you're not even worth/good enough to message someone and all that stuff.

Maybe we can start something or maybe there are already support groups in Germany that I don't know about. Feel free to tell me.

Also please don't expect fast replies from me (or anything at this point...) It can take me a lot of energy and time to respond bc of my freeze/flight response. But I try to do what I can with the energy I have left (when it's there lol)

Let's hope something good comes out of this :' )

[safe-haven-safe-place]

@jenpeters_soulguide_healer

[neuroticboyfriend]

i dont think people realize how painful it is to constantly live in survival mode. like fight/flight/freeze/etc. is reserved for when you're close to fucking dying. people weren't made to live entire lives in that state. can you imagine the damage that does?

[autopsyfreak]

The ‘Fight Response’.

as someone who exclusively experiences the fight response as a trauma response, i’ve faced a lot of demonisation from others, including other victims of similar traumas to myself.

it seems apparent that there are still a large quantity of people who are only willing to offer kindness and understanding to victims if their trauma presents in the way of the flight response or freezing/fawning. the moment it results in lashing out, suddenly it’s perceived as cruel or you doing something abhorrent, despite the fact it comes from the same place as the other trauma responses.

i often see people giving more sympathetic and gentle responses to those who freeze or flight (this can lead to infantilisation, which isn’t appropriate either, however that is not the focus of this post), meanwhile i have almost never met anyone who has approached my reactions with that same level of caring.

if it is somehow hard to understand, think of it as an abused dog, which feels backed up against a wall. it’s common, in this instance, for that dog to growl and snap at you, perhaps even bite you in order to defend itself from a potential aggressor because that’s how it’s brain has determined is the best method to defend itself from this perceived threat. you don’t view that dog as malicious or mean. that dog isn’t cruel or evil, it’s traumatised. the dog in this scenario would be seen as something that just needs to be shown that people can be gentle and aren’t as dangerous as it’s been made to feel.

so why doesn’t this mindset apply to people?

why do so many people, including other abuse victims, still actively demonise those who’s brains do not cower in response to being triggered and instead yell or say things that may be upsetting?

i’ve met far too many people who have the freeze and flight responses, who will actively demonise people they meet who respond with the fight response. just because somebody’s trauma has led them to have a less conventional approach to feeling unsafe, doesn’t make them any more or less ‘evil’ than those who do cower and freeze.

you may be someone who freezes when triggered and someone else may be someone who lashes out when triggered, they both stem from your brain associating the situation with trauma and therefore perceiving a danger or threat and responding to that however it feels it has to in order to defend itself, to prevent the previous pain from being endured again. you’re not better or worse than each other for having differing responses, you just, like everyone else, have different brains.

do not demonise victims for developing so-called ‘negative’ responses as a result of their trauma.

[furiousgoldfish]

being around abusers:

high alert: you never know when the abuse is coming

hyper-focusing on the abuser's mood, you're only allowed to feel relief if the abuser seems to be in a good mood, distracted, or focused on somebody else

constant vigilance because they might decide to focus on you any second and you need to be ready

unable to focus on your tasks because you're tense and waiting to see if they'll want something from you, want to do something to you, or start to verbally abuse, provoke, insult, taunt, criticize or humiliate you

always aware of the physical distance between you and how much it would take them to cross it; reaction of panic if they turn your direction or show intent of approaching

quickly forced to think of an escape plan or a fight plan if they do keep approaching you because it is already an intimidation and likely to escalate in violence

anxiety if you're prompted to speak; you are not allowed to say anything positive about yourself or it will be challenged and mocked, you are usually asked to volounteer information and you will be attacked if you refuse. But if you do give info, it will be used against you.

constant effort needs to be put in controlling the amount of rage, or alternatively, helplessness you feel in their presence. You are not allowed to show any symptoms of it, or symptoms of panic

desperate use of logic and rationality in the face of senseless and cruelty of the abuse; you're trying to explain why the abuser should not say and do horrid and cruel things to you, and why you don't deserve it, only for them to do it worse and insist that they're 'saying the truth' or 'listing the imaginary reasons you do deserve it (you are not a person to them)'

attempts to defend yourself from the abuse or exploding and attacking back, only to immediately be accused of abuse and cruelty and 'lack of self control' while the abuser is not even affected by your attempts

the abuser getting anyone in the vicinity to side with them and to participate/enable the abuse, making you feel like your entire environment is hostile and dangerous, and like you are not a person to anyone

All of these can feel normal when you're used to living like that, or if you've grown up in this environment. Having to constantly defend and prove yourself and to have be hyper-focused on those around you and anxiously anticipate their every move, can feel like a normal experience if you haven't experienced any other home environment. This is not normal. If this is how you live, you are living in abuse. None of this should be inflicted at you.

[theoverstimulated]

"Last week I talked a bit about my childhood when I witnessed anger and rage frequently in my family. When I was an adult, I was grateful to not live with someone who might abruptly change moods and take it out on me by hitting me or throwing things at me. But my romantic partners were not dealing with their own anger in healthy ways. They seemed like a step up from what I dealt with in my youth, and yet, you would be surprised at what I tolerated.

My first live-in boyfriend was a wall puncher (sometimes the wall or door right next to my face) and once threatened to throw our coffee table through the sliding glass door of our deck when I tried to break up with him. Another off-and-on beau would drive really fast and really close to the vehicle ahead of us to intentionally scare me while we were fighting. My long-term life partner and I would argue less frequently, but when things escalated, he would slap and punch himself in the face repeatedly. (That technique was very scary, and I was constantly worried people would assume I had given him the black eye they saw.) When I would try to exit the situation in Flight, my partners would make themselves large and imposing to block the doorway and impede my escape. If I tried to push past them, some of them would grab me to stop me and physically move me or shake me.

I share all these examples not to air dirty laundry, but rather to showcase that I am intimately familiar with anger and rage. I am also not purely a victim in these scenarios. I know I have instigated and escalated, screamed, and even physically fought back in multiple scenarios. When you are fired up, that energy has to go somewhere. The key is to make sure you don’t accidentally cause damage to anything or anyone while you are releasing it. In lieu of hitting yourself or someone else, here are some alternatives."

[hauntedselves]

What Survival Looks Like at Home

From 'What Survival Looks Like at Home' by Helen Townsend, from Beacon House & Inner World Work (PDF)

Quick cheat sheet:

Noticing Freeze

Bored, not interested

Confused, forgetful

Distracted, not listening

Clumsy

Talking about something else

Not moving to where you’ve asked

Scanning the room

Wide eyed, pupils might dilate

Daydreaming, staring into space

Grounding Freeze

Stay with me, don’t leave me

Tell me I’m ok & that I am safe

Watching TV

Deep breathing

Spinning on a swing

Climbing & hanging

Rolling or cycling down a hill

Digging in mud or sand

Jumping on a trampoline

Do my chores with me

Gently wonder where I have gone & invite me back to you

If I have forgotten what I was supposed to be doing, remind me again gently

Hot chocolate & toast

A warm bath & a warm towel

A soft teddy for bedtime

Noticing Flight

Hyperactive, manic, silly

Aggressive, threatening: stiffening up, clenching fists

Running away, escaping, disappearing, hiding under the table/bed/sofa

Clumsy

Disruptive, loud & noisy

Can’t cope with free play

Can’t follow house rules

Not doing what you’ve asked

Lonely

Keeping super busy

Baby talk/silly voices

Bumping into people

Needing to get into the car/house/park first

Grounding Flight

Keep me close by

Find me again happily or patiently

Deep breathing

Give me a familiar & easy chore

Crunchy foods – carrot sticks, a biscuit, a rice cake or crisps

Tell me that I am safe with you

Hanging from monkey bars

Talk through what you think I am finding tricky using a kind voice

Heavy blankets

Create a safe space where I can hide away I when I need to

Tug of war

Cup of warm milk or hot chocolate

Hot water bottle & a soft teddy

Recognize I sometimes find 'normal' family life threatening

Accept that if I feel threatened, I feel in real danger.

If you send me to do something & I forget, just patiently ask again

Noticing Fight

Hot and bothered

Argumentative, angry and aggressive

Controlling, demanding and inflexible

Lie or blaming

Unable to concentrate on one thing

Unable to follow the house rules

Confrontational

Disrespectful

Disregarding of others, pushing away friends/family members

Shouting, loud and noisy

Immature

Grounding Fight

Tell me you love me even when my I push you away

Don’t punish me for being cross; reward me with your kindness and love for getting calm again

Keep me safe from hurting myself

Match my energy

Deep breathing

Chewy foods

Support me socially

Hanging, swinging and climbing

Warm bath with lots of bubbles

Warm milk or a hot chocolate

Hot water bottle

A super soft teddy and/or blanket

Give me a task that makes me feel important

Connect with me and show me empathy before exploring the consequences of my behavior

Create somewhere safe to go to so I can calm down

Make things predictable. Tell me about changes before they happen, especially if strangers are coming to the house or I’m going somewhere new

Accept I might not know why I behaved in that way & I might not remember what happened

Listen and acknowledge how I feel, even if you see it differently, it will help me feel listened to

Noticing Submit

Unhappy, low mood

Alone or withdrawn

Fidgety but not disruptive, anxious

Never questioning or asking questions

Never drawing unnecessary attention

Yes or no answers - doing just enough to avoid being noticed, unable to think

Quiet & passive, compliant

Grounding Submit

See me, listen to me

Give me small repetitive things to do

Weighted blanket

Building with Lego or Play-doh

Tell me I am safe

Deep breathing

Swinging

Let me spend quiet time just with you

Understand that social media might symbolizes a comforting connection

Hot chocolate and a crunchy biscuit

Wrap me up in a soft blanket & watch TV

Understand that playing computer games, lets me be by myself somewhere safe

Recognize I am hurting inside & might need professional help

Know that I am easily bullied, look out for this, don’t expect me to tell you.

Notice I will say what I think you want me to say

Be aware that I am an easy target & can be coerced easily to keep the peace

Know I can't cope being the center of attention

Watch for me removing myself

Warm bath and a warm towel

Warm pyjamas

[strangetownbellagoth]

Life with bpd, unhealed trauma is a hell of a drug. Like.. ?? I want to be finally free and I know what to do even but it's so difficult for me to relax and to do my dbt and somatic experiencing exercises. Im in functional freeze and Im just bed rotting, doom scrolling and when Im not in functional freeze Im in fight/flight filled with anger and stress but I can't release it.

[aurangg]

I am the embodiment of the freeze response

[sage-hazeline]

i’m not pathetic for fawning.

i shouldn’t get angry at myself for fawning.

it’s protected me from harm, it’s kept me safe.

fawning doesn’t make me pathetic. it is an indication that i am faced with a person who cannot regulate their emotions and who unduly directs their emotions at me. fawning is an indication that my body is working, working to keep me safe because it has learned from experience that this person’s behaviour will harm me.

i am not pathetic for trying to create safety for myself in a situation where the other person is emotionally volatile.

sometimes fawning makes me feel pathetic because i’m not expressing my true feelings or thoughts, because i feel like i can’t.

but i need to be compassionate with myself and interpret my fawning as something that has kept me safe, and it does not make me pathetic or feeble or spineless.

[fullyfunctioningtrainwreck]

See I can never think of a toy for my inner child. My inner child didn't need a toy it needed a plane ticket and new identity

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Scully Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn?

Picking up from this post about Mulder, we have Scully's turn!

There are four main trauma responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn (taken from the book Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker-- see Disclaimers section below for info.) In short: Fight Types respond to stress with physical intimidation or verbal bullying; Flight Types run as far as they can from danger (physically or metaphorically), fleeing or distracting their minds with obsessive-compulsive work; Freeze Types disassociate, seeing fight and flight as futile and becoming numb to life; and Fawn Types try to win favor from their oppressor, leaning co-dependently on others.

Scully's Primary Trauma Response Type

Flight Types

"A Flight response is triggered when a person responds to a perceived threat by fleeing; or, symbolically, by launching into hyperactivity. .... Extreme Flight types are like machines with a switch stuck in the 'on' position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and loveable. They rush to achieve. They rush as much in thought in action, compulsion."

Beyond the Sea explored the breadth of Scully's Flight Type Trauma Response: Scully tried to avoid the pain of her father's death by distracting herself with work before the funeral; but was forced to sit in her feelings of inadequacy and beg for reassurance of his fatherly pride from her mother. "Was he at all proud of me?" is the backbone of her type, just as it was in relation to her partnership with Mulder, her daughterly duties to Maggie, her sisterly duties to Bill, and her professional duties as a medical doctor, Academy instructor, and field agent. Furthermore, this episode laid the groundwork for the infamous hallway scene in Fight the Future. As Rob Bowman stated: "‘I need you, I need you.’ That’s a theme of the movie – Mulder needs Scully. And never before has he come to that understanding quite so strongly as he does in this story. So she’s running because she’s afraid that he’s going to talk her out of it, and so the best thing she can do is hit the elevator button and go, go, go."

Classic Flight Type, classic.

(An interesting note: As stated above, Scully's "machine" is stuck in the "on" position-- the exact opposite of Mulder's type, which is stuck in the "off" position. Scully's traumatic response is to bury herself in obsessive-compulsive disordered behavior to distract from the lack of control she has over her life--finding refuge in long-working hours or needlessly consuming chores-- after her father's death, Emily's death, Mulder's disappearance and death, her mother's death, her son's fake death, etc. While Scully seeks out tasks, people, and duties from life (a.k.a. whether that be her on-the-clock job or extra busywork on weekends and holidays), Mulder retreats from people during his traumatic responses, becoming reclusive and alienated, dungeonIng himself away from life in his basement or leather couch.)

But what if her primary trauma response isn't working fast enough to combat fear or danger? In this case, Scully will develop a secondary trauma response, the polar opposite of her dominant one:

Flight-Fawn Types

Flight-Fawn Types (also known as Super Nurses, ironically) turn the obsessive-compulsive workaholism of the Flight Type into the bend-over-backwards self-imposed slavery of the Fawn Type. As Pete Walker explains: "The Fawn-Flight Type is the most typically seen in the busy-holic parent, nurse, or administrative assistant who works from dawn until bedtime providing for the needs of the house, the hospital, or company. He" [she] "compulsively takes care of everyone else's needs with hardly a gesture towards his own. The Fawn-Flight is sometimes a misguided Mother Theresa-type who escapes the pain of her self-abandonment by seeing herself as the perfect, selfless caregiver. She further distances herself from her own pain by obsessively-compulsively rushing from one person in need to another. Some Fawn-Flight clients become OCD-like clean-aholics."

As we know, Scully fashions herself as Mulder's partner, primary caretaker, and right-hand Starbuck, while also acting as his translator, justifier, and report writer to the higher ups.

When Mulder messes up in all areas of his life, she flies in to patch him up and cover for him. This, of course, is fulfilling... but it's also distracting, purposefully so. Her Flight-Fawn Response also emerges its head whenever she tries to placate her brother Bill: cut off from Flight, she will utilize Fawn-- letting him ramble, pushing back only a little while pleading for understanding-- before ultimately volleying back to Flight whenever he gives her enough room to squeeze by and make her escape. Even on her last legs during the cancer arc, Scully still got swept up into verifying Mulder's quest against her previously expressed wishes--Flight-Fawn in full effect.

Why Scully Is Not Primarily Fight, Freeze, or Fawn

Fight Types

"A Fight response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening. ...Fight Types are unconsciously driven by the belief that power and control can create safety, assuage abandonment, and secure love...." Fight Types often become bullies or narcissists to their loved ones as well as their enemies if left unchecked. At their worst, they can become demanding, demeaning, and punishing because they equate strength as power exerted to weaken a threat. Fight is the first Trauma Response all humans develop; and if it's used effectively, Fight Responders stick to this "effective" method rather than trying out others (the second Flight, third Freeze, or fourth Fawn.) This translates to a bitter outlook on the world, always suspicioning the motives of others in cruel or judgmental ways. Severely traumatized Flight Types usually grew up in homes where they had to fight back against physical abuse or protect others from it. Dana Scully, while aggressive and cantankerous in the face of sniveling injustice, never uses her anger as a way to control or manipulate others; nor does she see other humans as self-interested threats.

Freeze Types

"A Freeze Response is triggered when a person, realizing resistance is futile, gives up, numbs out into dissociation, and/or collapses, as if accepting the inevitability of being hurt…. The Freeze Response, also known as the Camouflage Response, also triggers a survivor into hiding, isolating, and avoiding human contact. The Freeze Type can be so frozen in the retreat mode that is seems as if their "Starter” button is stuck in the “off” position. While all 4 F Types commonly suffer from social anxiety as well, Freeze Types typically take a great deal more refuge in solitude." These Types have learned from a young age that fighting back will only get you punished and that fleeing will only get you reprimanded; so, they collapse in on themselves instead. Dana Scully wields her independent agency freely and often, so this is definitely not her primary Type.

Fawn Types

"Fawn response is triggered when a person responds to threat by trying to be pleasing or helpful in order to appease and forestall an attacker.... Fawn Types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others. They act as if they believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries. The disenfranchisement of the Fawn Type begins in childhood... learns early that a modicum of safety and attachment can be gained by becoming the helpful and compliant servant of... exploitive parents." (As an aside, this type is formed from having at least one narcissistic parent who beat wore down the first natural human response-- Fight-- the second response-- Flight-- and the third response-- Freeze-- until all that is left is Fawn.) Dana Scully has never kowtowed or cheaply sold her self-respect to appease to others; and has only ever dipped into the Fawn Response as a capitulation or bargaining tool, hence why it is her secondary and not primary response.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

**Disclaimers: Most of the information was obtained from Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, a private counselor and lecturer for thirty-five years. As a victim of CPTSD himself, he made a study of its victims and helped craft a system for CPTSD recoverees to understand themselves and progressively heal. (Highly recommend his book-- excellent.)

[rainsoftenings]

ok are there any other good books out there abt cptsd recovery that arent written by pete walker

[twinknote]

people slamming doors Actually makes me want to die

[acldwash]