#cpr trainers

[defira85]

does anyone want to come and be my body double and do my CPR refresher for me tomorrow, I know how to fucking do it, I've been doing it since I was 15 when I was a junior lifesaver but I can't. I can't get on the floor. Since the chronic pain started. Getting on my knees is like I am kneeling on broken glass and knives and both are infected with cholera and typhoid and I've tried to ask for accommodations (I'll do it standing at a table! I can stand up and throw my whole back into it no problem standing) but they're like :))))) it's just two minutes you'll be fine

I used the phrase 'I am disabled and on crutches atm' and nadda

"Oh but Defira in a real life situation you'll have to be on your knees-" I know that, look where I work, look at how my MIL died, but also I will have the ability to take a week off work to recover following a real life emergency that fucks up my entire body. I cannot take a week off work to recover from training

[trash-panda-paws]

CPR trainer to the CPR dummy: Come with me, Bob

Me, because there's no way I can resist: come with me, and you'll be, in a worrldd of pure resuscitation

[pinkninjabird]

[lucky-stick]

domestic dog inspired jobs:

Domestic dogs are known for their loyalty and assistance to humans, getting these various careers that embody these traits. this is a list of dog-inspired jobs, categorized by activity level and social interaction.

its a long post and i don't want to clog up people feed but have fun and i hope i inspire some of you

Active, Extroverted, Team-Oriented Careers:

Police K9 Officer: 🚔

Role: Collaborate with trained police dogs to protect life and property, prevent and detect crime, provide court evidence, support victims and witnesses, investigate burglaries, and dismantle organized crime groups.

Requirements: Must be over 18, possess confidence, strong leadership and teamwork abilities, willingness to take risks, and keen observation skills.

(i know most of u are ACAB)

Armed Forces Officer: 🪖

Role: Serve in the army, air force, or navy to protect civilians, holding authority and responsibility over a team of soldiers, with various specialist roles available.

Requirements: Leadership skills, accountability, confidence, physical fitness, ability to work under pressure, and balance.

Search and Rescue (SAR) Professional: 🧭

Role: Undergo emergency professional training to respond to crises and assist in locating and aiding lost individuals.

Requirements: Basic education, physical fitness, emergency medical training, SAR training, technical skills and specialization, experience, certification and licensing, mental and emotional resilience, and commitment to ongoing training.

Lifeguard: 🌊

Role: Ensure the safety of swimmers at pools and beaches by monitoring conditions, enforcing safety rules, and performing rescues when necessary.

Requirements: Minimum age of 16 for pools and 18 for open water, strong swimming abilities, good physical condition, certification and training in CPR and first aid, and proficient rescue skills.

Farmer: 🥕🥔

Role: Engage in the demanding yet rewarding work of growing crops or raising livestock.

Requirements: Relevant education, physical and practical skills, access to land and equipment, financial and business acumen, and necessary licenses.

Security Guard: 🔐

Role: Protect property, people, and assets by monitoring and preventing theft and damage.

Requirements: Appropriate education and training, licensing, physical fitness, and strong observational skills.

Less Active, Introverted Careers:

Therapist: 📖

Role: Assist individuals in improving mental health and adopting healthy behaviors, with various types of therapy available.

Requirements: Bachelor’s, master’s, or doctorate degrees, clinical training, supervised experience, licenses, and essential skills and personal qualities.

Healthcare Caregiver: 🏥

Role: Support individuals with daily activities due to age, disability, injury, etc.

Requirements: Relevant education and training, essential skills and personal qualities, licenses, experience, and adaptability to various work environments and hours.

Careers that work with Dogs:

Dog Handler: 🐕

Role: Train, manage, and work with dogs in fields such as security, search and rescue, therapy, and personal training.

Requirements: Experience with dogs, specialized training programs, certifications, patience, physical stamina, good communication, keen observation, and problem-solving skills.

Dog Groomer: 🫧

Role: Clean, style, and maintain dog hygiene.

Requirements: No formal education required, but certification is beneficial; patience; gentle handling; ability to stand for extended periods; and basic animal knowledge.

Kennel Worker: 🧺

Role: Provide daily care for pets in kennels and shelters, including feeding, cleaning, bathing, and interacting with pet owners.

Requirements: On-the-job training, love for animals, physical stamina, and attention to detail.

Assistance Dog Trainer: 🐾

Role: Train dogs to assist individuals with disabilities, enhancing their independence and quality of life.

Requirements: Experience with dog training, understanding of various disabilities, patience, strong communication skills, and certification from recognized organizations.

i hope you like my new list, i like lists, anyways ill be comjng out with a wild canine, feline, bird and aquatic kin tell me if theres anymore you would like ^^

[jenthebug]

Back to my original dangerous colors!

As soon as I get home, I’ve been shedding my uniform and returning to my true form as a pajama goblin.

Today was CPR class (again, I’ve taken it many times). This iteration was good. Then we went to the dispatch center, got our training syllabus, and took care of a few housekeeping things (schedules, time clock, logins, etc).

When I start on the job training, I’ll probably be on deep nights. Pros: 🤑 and I can take Jay to and from school. Cons: I am a diurnal human.

When I get a full time shift, it’ll probably be a day shift. Pros: I know and like the day lieutenants, I am a diurnal human. Cons: No shift differential, it’ll be hard to get Jay to and from school.

Anyway, after schedule happy fun time, it was time for online training modules, the ones that come with every job. Rival just took the tests over and over until he passed. I actually did the trainings, because I didn’t want Trainer to see me cutting corners.

Now I am dead and writing this from beyond the grave lol I am so tired

[seecarrun]

This was, no exaggeration, the longest Indigo League meeting that ever happened in the history of the universe, and Misty was in hell.

League season was upon them, which meant for the week preceding the day the new trainers all got their starters, each region’s league staff would get together and discuss changes for the new season, new rules, new members, etc. etc. etc.

Traditionally, referees or gym leaders or elites would give some manner of presentation or training, usually on safety or carbon emissions or something else so mind numbingly boring, Misty couldn’t help but tune it out and disassociate, and this year was no different.

All she wanted was to be at the gym getting things ready. But noooo, Lance had asked Koga to train them on blood borne pathogens, so she was stuck here listening to him drone on and on about first aid and proper blood cleanup methods instead.

Such a good use of her time.

Thankfully, her RotomPhone vibrated on the table in front of her, and she picked it up, eager for the distraction.

‘Wish u were here!!’ Ash wrote into the group chat of all his League staff former traveling companions from around the world, accompanied by a picture of him surrounded by all the members of the Alola League, who appeared to be having a fun cookout on the beach, all of them with plates full of big, fluffy pancakes and sipping on fancy glasses full of fruity drinks with little umbrellas.

That was how they were having their pre-league inservice?!?

‘🖕’ she sent back. Ash immediately laughed at the message in reply.

‘Our champion would never. 😔’ Cilan wrote, which was almost immediately followed by a picture from Iris of her giving him a noogie across the table while Cilan laughed.

‘I TRIED!’ she wrote back. ‘I was told we had to ““take things seriously”” 🙄! Not all of us can party it up in Alola like a little kid!!’

Clement loved the picture but offered not much else, probably too busy in his own meeting to chime in. Misty remembered from over the weekend that he was the one in Kalos that had to present today. He had been stressed about getting his slideshow on energy efficiency done and they had all passed on their condolences. They’d all been there.

“For real tho, i wish u guys were here.” Ash texted, and Misty absolutely agreed; she wished she was there too, and not just for the pancakes and sunshine.

Absentmindedly, she clicked on the picture Ash had sent, zooming in on his cute, grinning face. The Alola Sun always did look great on that boy.

Man, if she were in Alola, she would be spending time with Ash and all his old classmates, resting, relaxing, and having fun. Maybe they could go mantine surfing again! And then she and Ash could walk along the beach together at sunset again, and watch fireworks together in the moonlight again…

Only maybe this time, their hands would brush oh so gently while they walked, and she would look him in his deep brown eyes, and they would lean in closer together and—

“—isty?”

Misty’s head shot up at the sound of her name, only to be met with the entire room of Kanto and Johto League employees staring right back. She flushed, clearing her throat. “I’m sorry, what was that?” she asked.

“I believe,” came Lance’s commanding, yet amused voice from—oh no—right behind her, “Koga wanted your expert opinion on CPR, in case of water-related accidents. That is, if you aren’t too…” he looked down at her phone and smirked, “busy?”

Blushing wildly now, she clicked off the phone, screen still full of Ash’s dumb, adorable face, and flipped it upside down for good measure. “O-of course,” she stuttered, jumping up and making her way to the front of the room to join a not-so-amused Koga.

As she shuffled to the front of the room, she caught Lance slipping his own phone out of his pocket and tapping away, the smallest hint of a grin on his face.

Ugh, Lance was such a gossip…

She was certain there was no way this was going to end well for her.

Meanwhile…

In Alola, Ash felt a little vibration in his pocket. He took out his RotomPhone and unlocked the screen, a message from Lance in the Champion group chat greeting him…

[cprmtm123]

If anyone has this video or another good mtm vid, message me. Trade for my custom vid? Other vids im looking for below, any lora cross, tapered physics, Tessa fantasies, seductive studios, bbs medical files, opander mtm, defendnefetish, tweety, charlees adventures, or any custom or small creator.

[autumnmobile12]

Food for thought: The SPR team is pretty eclectic as far as supernatural solutions go. They've got religious figures, people with psychic abilities, researchers. Any ghost they come across, they're pretty much set.

But forget supernatural causes for the hauntings a moment and go back to the first case where it was just a creaky building sinking into the earth. That can't be the only time that ever happened, so now I'm imagining the whole team has an interesting medley of random certifications and educational backgrounds just to make up for the various natural explanations they encounter.

Old pipework leaking water into the ground could also cause a building to sink. Maybe the soil the house was built on is just terrible at draining moisture. There could be a lot of reasons a house is sinking.

I'm imagining someone on Naru's payroll is a certified building inspector. (That takes roughly two semesters.)

Scratching noises and knocking sounds? Could be small animals or other pests, so someone also has a pest control certification? (Three months course.)

They have a lot of electrical equipment that could be a potential hazard. Somebody on the team could be a fire safety officer.

With the advent of the internet ('cause Ghost Hunt takes place in the 90s?) becoming more popular, someone on the team is now the IT person.

All of them probably have CPR and BLS training. Ayako probably just decided to become a certified trainer just to cut out the middle man. Right in the middle of an investigation, she just pulls out the dummy and workbooks and says, "All right, Mai and John get over here. Both of you are due to renew your CPR training."

Yasu probably went to law school just so he could be the company's attorney when the situation arose. (Also, great fallback plan. He would be the most aggravating lawyer ever.)

...

Just saying, if Mai or Yasu are moving on from the ghost hunting scene, they don't even need to put paranormal researcher on their resume.

"Miss, can you tell us why you have so many unrelated certifications on your CV?"

"...I had an...interesting career in my teens and twenties."

[burninglights]

Apropos of forest and national parks rangers (the dedicated Shit Has Gone Sideways Handlers) having their jobs axed, and as a former hiker, I think that if you’re outdoorsy, you ought to be aware of the following resources:

- Where There Is No Doctor by David Werner & Carol Thurman, regarded by the WHO as the reference text for remote medicine (Internet Archive PDF link)

- Stop the Bleed training, available in the US & UK, which provides training on how to stop haemorrhage in an emergency situation outside of a clinical environment (website link to local training)

- Manual CPR instruction via Revivr, the dedicated British Heart Foundation manual CPR training programme (website link)

- what3words, which generates three unique words that allow emergency response & public safety bodies to locate users (available on android & Apple app stores)

WHILST NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP IN A TIMELY MANNER, I’d really recommend that folks familiarise themselves with these resources, particularly emergent wound care & how to use what3words, as in an emergency situation, all preparedness is helpful.

In addition to all of this, I really recommend that folks have a first aid kit in their backpacks/vehicles.

You do not need the Batcave in your rucksack or your car boot, but it never hurts to be prepared. You can find stocked first aid kits in most pharmacies and retailers.

Failing that, here is how I stock my personal ‘on the go’ first aid kit for my backpack:

- 1 x card of paracetamol/acetaminophen tablets

- 1 x card of aspirin tablets (substitute for ibuprofen if you’re on blood thinners, have a clotting disorder or have other contraindications for aspirin use)

- 5 x alcohol antiseptic wipes

- 1 x tube of antiseptic cream

- 1 x tube of antihistamine cream (bug bite cream)

- 2 x pairs nitrile gloves

- 30 x plasters assorted size

- 3 x large sterile wound dressings

- 2 x hydrocolloid plasters

- 1 x sterile gauze bandage

- 1 x micropore tape

You may also want to include;

- 3 x large non-adhesive wound dressings

- 1 x roll of comprehensive bandage (self adhesive; useful for fixing wound dressings in place or for stabilising sprains)

- 1 x tube arnica bruise cream

Emergency medications (asthma inhaler/EpiPen/glucagon gel for hypoglycaemia etc) should also be either on your person or in your kits.

Ensure that you’re wearing proper clothing.

In the summer, you need protective sunhats and sunglasses, as well as SPF; you should also ensure that you’re carrying more water than you think you need, as you’ll be dehydrating faster due to a combination of heat loss and exertion. Loose, covering clothing made natural fibres like cotton etc., will shield you from the sun and wick sweat.

If you’re in tick country, sleeves and long trousers that are tucked into socks are non-negotiables. Lyme disease sucks absolute ass and can take months to recover from, as does tick borne encephalitis, tularemia and anaplasmosis. Long hair should be tied up and covered with a hat; after your hike, inspect your clothing and yourself thoroughly for ticks.

Footwear is more important than you’d think. Hiking in your Converse is a sure fire way to twist your ankle to fuck, and if you’re a solo hiker, that’s a good way to get in deep shit very quickly. Hiking trainers or boots are ideal, though any well fitting, waterproof trainer with a good tread and a decent grip will also suffice providing you’re not going through harsh terrain.

Finally, marked trails and campgrounds are there for a reason. Going off trail, especially in terrain you’re unfamiliar with, is a spectacular way to get swallowed up by a ravine or unmarked cave system, get lost and die of exposure, or get eaten.

Human exceptionalism is a real phenomenon, and a detrimental one. For all intents and purposes, when in nature, you’re a ham hock with delusions of grandeur. Bears will kill you just as dead as they would a deer. Same goes for wolves, coyotes, exposure, thirst, caves and flash flooding.

Speaking of wild animals; do not approach them. If you’re close enough to pet them, you are close enough to get bitten/gored/trampled/clawed/otherwise killed in a grotesque manner. Make an effort to learn about any wildlife you may encounter before your trip, and what to do if you encounter them.

Enjoy the natural environment, learn about it, and have fun in it, as loving it and learning about it is the best way to get invested in it’s protection and preservation, but do so in a way that means you’re alive to advocate for it when your adventure is done.

[cannabiscomrade]

great allergy post btw!!

I think its easy to say good allergies aren’t that bad because they’re avoidable and the symptoms aren’t really chronic in the same sense that typical disabilities are. But my god the social effects! Having to bring your own food everywhere and be mindful about traveling and plane rides constantly is really draining after a while, especially with very common allergens like gluten or meat or egg. Like it’s crazy to me that most people can just eat whatever (like random food trucks in particular because damn I wish) because I’ve never gotten to do that

also the comorbidities! asthma alone accounts for a long term impact of allergen exposure.

people do not care to understand the severity of anaphylaxis and I've even been in first aid trainings where all they did was pass the Epi-Pen trainer around. a certain popular public charter [R.E.D.A.C.T.E.D] doesn't even mandate allergy certification through the first aid/cpr provider they choose. (a majority of first aid/cpr courses I've taken are phenomenal with allergy training fwiw)

ANYWAYS here are the signs and symptoms of anaphylaxis and what to do if you or someone is experiencing them!

If you or someone you know is experiencing anaphylaxis, call emergency services immediately. Do not delay care. If you're unsure, call anyways. Symptoms can be rapid or within 2 hours of exposure.

Do not delay care after administering epinephrine (Epi-Pen, Adrenaclick, Auvi-Q, etc), it is only temporary, hospital care is necessary.

Do not assume that someone with an allergy has an epinephrine injector, especially in places where you have to pay for healthcare.

If someone goes unresponsive and is not breathing during an allergic reaction, start CPR (adult | child+infant) immediately.

Image description: an infographic from the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Connection Team titled "SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF ANAPHYLAXIS"

Anaphylaxis (an-a-fi-LAK-sis) is a serious allergic reaction that comes on quickly and has the potential to become life-threatening. The most common anaphylactic reactions are to foods, venom, medications, and latex. Anaphylaxis signs and symptoms that may occur alone or in any combination after exposure to an allergen include:

MOUTH: itching, tingling, swelling of the lips/tongue/palate (roof of the mouth)

THROAT: hoarseness, tightening of throat, difficulty swallowing, hacking cough, stridor (a loud, high-pitched sound when breathing in)

LUNGS: shortness of breath, wheezing, coughing, chest pain, tightness

GUT: abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea

CNS/BRAIN: anxiety, panic, sense of doom

EYES/NOSE: runny nose, stuffy nose, sneezing, watery red eyes, itchy eyes, swollen eyes SKIN: hives or other rash, redness/flushing, itching, swelling

CIRCULATION/HEART: chest pain, low blood pressure, weak pulse, shock, pale blue color, dizziness or fainting, lethargy (lack of energy)

Symptoms involving the throat, lungs, and circulation/heart are marked with asterisks, indicating immediate and potential life-threatening symptoms.

Consult with a board-certified allergist for an accurate diagnosis and management plan.

Although the majority of individuals experiencing anaphylaxis have skin symptoms, some of the most severe cases have no rash, hives, swelling

EPINEPHRINE is the first-line of treatment for anaphylaxis Antihistamines, inhalers, & other treatments should only be used as secondary treatment. Always carry two epinephrine auto-injectors at all times.

When you, or someone you know, begin to experience symptoms, CALL 9-1-1 IMMEDIATELY!

FAACT Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Connection Team

AWARENESS • ADVOCACY • EDUCATION www.FoodAllergyAwareness.org

(513) 342-1293 Fax (513) 342-1239

P.O. Box 511 West Chester, OH 45071 info@FoodAllergyAwareness.org

[end ID]

[nuthin-up-my-sleeve]

They’re having CPR training in the conference room and the chatter has me wanting to punch somebody in the balls and scream “shut the fuck up” at the top of my lungs.

The trainer just asked what if the patient has food our vomit in his/her mouth. Somebody said “clear with fingers”. I yelled through my door “yuck sorry dude you ain’t gonna make it YUCK”!

[azucar-skull]

Me doing cpr training while trainer's daughter sits in the corner while her mom works

Little girl: What things do you like?

Me: Uhh...comics. =) What things do you like?

Little girl: mmmm..... I like girls.

Me: 👀🏳️‍🌈💅

[mania-sama]

Trick or treat!!! 😁

hello, dear! welcome to my humble abode! dig into this bowl to get some candy… ah! you’ve got a fanfiction line explanation! a rare gem indeed.

this excerpt is from if you need me, dear, i’m the same as i was:

He’s on the court before Sakusa is. He’s across the net before Argentina can celebrate their victory. He’s grabbing Oikawa’s shoulders tightly before anybody else can get to him. Iwaizumi stares into his estranged best friend’s glassy, confused, uncomprehending eyes. He’s shaking Tooru’s shoulders, desperate as he yells: “You are having a heart attack!” And Hajime is fifteen and three-quarters, learning emergency CPR for his new part-time job as a lifeguard. He thinks that it could come in useful. He thinks that saving people isn’t a job he would mind. And Hajime is sixteen, watching Tooru recover from his surgery, and he realizes he will never play professional volleyball. He wants to help people like Tooru forever — people who want to dedicate their whole life to a sport but have a body that strives to prevent their goal every step of the way. He can’t do that as a player on the court. And Hajime is seventeen, trying to convince Tooru to eat a sandwich even though he is adamantly insisting he isn’t hungry. He discovers sports medicine isn’t just about the physical ills and pains. To be a good athletic trainer, he has to see every aspect of a player’s well-being, and that includes their mental health. And Hajime is eighteen, standing alone in the airport and experiencing loss for the first time. In order for Oikawa to grow as an athlete, he has to cut away the weed strangling his roots. Hajime lets him without complaint. This is part of his new career, after all; if he helps athletes succeed, they would all, one day, leave his medical care. And Hajime is twenty-seven, losing his best friend for a second time at the end of the first set of chest compressions. At least three ribs have cracked under his pace and pressure. He pinches Tooru’s nose, pries his jaw open, and breathes air into his lungs twice. His ring and pinky finger automatically find his pulse point. Nothing. Seeing that no medical equipment has arrived, he starts the second set of chest compressions. Oikawa’s bones creak and give way under his desperation. He knows CPR like the back of his hand; if the ribs are breaking, that means it’s working. It doesn’t get rid of the panic and pain at the thought of how much damage he’s doing to Oikawa’s body. The paramedics are a second too late with their LUCAS device at the end of the last compression. He dives down for another round of mouth-to-mouth, recognizing, faintly yet viscerally at the same time, that Oikawa’s soft skin is pale and rapidly cooling. At the junction between his neck and jaw, Iwaizumi searches for a heartbeat. Breathe. Nothing. Breathe. Nothing.

this entire segment, as i intended, is meant to be read completely out of breath, gasping and choking on every single word. it’s meant to feel like the world is rushing and crumbling around you. it’s meant to be read at the speed of lightning, each word cackling and breaking. the periods in the paragraphs are merely suggestions; every paragraph starts with an and because the last sentence, the last paragraph never really ended.

it’s meant to be, in all intents and purposes, to be one continuous run-on sentence. unfortunately, that would be rather bad form for me as a writer. i don’t have the skill to pull it off just yet.

when you get to the “breathe. nothing. breathe. nothing.” it’s not supposed to be a gentle breathe. it’s supposed to be a gasp, panicked and hurting and desperate. it’s a cry, a sob of pain. medically, he’s doing a very measured recovery breath to force oikawa’s lungs into the action of breathing. mentally, it’s everything but measured. the “nothing” is crying. the actual sob with tears. nothing! he is screaming, knowing that his best friend is fucking dead, but he is saying nothing as he dives into another breath.

it should be read, more accurately, as: “gasp. please, please. don’t leave.”

and this all really stems from the line directly before this excerpt:

“Holy shit,” Iwaizumi whispers, all of the air leaving his lungs.

everything just rushed out of him. he has nothing left. and then, the buzzer sounds with this:

Sixteen to fourteen. Team Argentina wins Olympic gold.

that’s the last line of clarity before everything shatters. literally, the sound breaks with the buzzer as the entire world falls away and rushes at the same time.

this is probably my favorite part of the entire fic, one of my favorite things that i have ever written to date. i put a lot of care into this. everything i wrote came from the heart, and i hope how i intended it to be read translated well.

[confusedbyinterface]

I've been thinking about Brittany from When I Win The World Ends. The story's always looking at credit and attribution, reflected glory, acting by proxy, mentoring, leadership, training. What does Brittany say about these things?

When Domingo has a heart attack, the doctor says Jinjiao's Lopunny saved his life by giving CPR, and Cely thanks Jinjiao for calling the ambulance, but I don't think anyone gives Brittany any credit. The doctor couldn't even remember her name. Brittany's the one with medical training, she knew what was happening and what to do, but she needed Lopunny to act as her arms (her own arms are too weak) so she gets overlooked.

In a lot of ways, Brittany is like a pokemon trainer but nobody recognises it. What does she do with other pokemon, like the Lopunny and Cely's team? In a medical crisis, she gives them commands so they know what to do. Just like a trainer gives pokemon commands in battle. What does she do with Domingo? She picks out food for him, to make him healthy, like a trainer caring for their pokemon.

But people don't see her as a leader, or a medical professional. They see her as a dumb animal (like Jinjiao, thinking her warning about Domingo's heart attack was begging for treats) or a sex object (Fiorella's barbs about her, and also, well. Come on. We were all thinking it. "Brittany, his post-divorce companion" has some pretty strong implications). She doesn't get recognition for what she does, which is a little sad.

Also of course cataracts would be a common health problem for Gardevoirs, with those huge anime eyes they have.

[jenthebug]

Today was ASS.

I overslept.

Too many sick little kids.

Too much time on the ops channel when I didn’t have enough ambulances available, and too many times that my trainer had to come to my rescue and direct me what to do. This was by far the biggest frustration. Everyone says I did well, but I know I didn’t! The cleared dispatchers did well! I may have done alright for a trainee, but it didn’t feel like it.

Too many crews expecting princess treatment, like picking exactly which post (street corner they sit at while waiting for a call) they go to.

A 911 calltaker (employed by the city, not the hospital like us) getting in a screaming match with a caller who was doing CPR. Yes, there were consequences. We got the scoop from Lt Buddy.

Pain all day.

The low gas light came on while I was driving home.

The dog’s stomach sounds like a subway station.

BUT AT LEAST…

I cracked my trainer and the room up a few times.

The night lieutenant who isn’t Lt Fuckin Joe, who I’ll call Lt ??? because I don’t know anything about the guy after 7 months, said hi to me by name.

I got a smoothie on the way home.

Soba is staring at me and slow blinking.

[branwyn-says]

Good Times

(reposted from my non-monetized Substack. feel free to join me over there.)

The biggest difference between how I wrote personal essays and how I write journal entries is that I write essays with answers already in mind.

When I journal, I don't even have a question yet, much less an answer. I have feelings. Emotions that I need to process. I don't tend to process emotions quickly, or at all, unless I write them into hard containers: boxes made of words, walls of sentences.

I am mostly driven to write about my distress. When I'm happy, I have better things to do. A lot of my writing is motivated by sheer self-preservation.

This blog is supposed to be a journal. I am supposed to be letting myself off the hook and not trying to write from certainty here. But every time I open this document of blog entries, I find myself trying to come up with things to say that will be useful to my reader. Essay style. As if I had answers.

Force of habit, I guess.

I happen to believe despair is always a lie. But it's also a physical condition that affects the body. Action can take the edge off. So can the love of others.

Lately, I feel very far away from the love of my people. I remind myself this is only geographically true.

I have been very active, to compensate.

Despair keeps rattling the doors of my thoughts.

On Saturday, I went to the in-person training to qualify for my 2-year CPR certification. I got yet another trauma medicine certificate from a different online training provider. I joined a gym and scheduled a session with a trainer. I scheduled a bataireacht lesson. I'm going to my self defense class tonight. I'm working on my novel. I'm doing my actual job.

The people I care for in a professional capacity watch Fox News all day, every day. The TV stays on by default. I don't think they really pay attention to it. But I can't help seeing and hearing it. It feels like I have to spend ten minutes processing my rage for every 30 seconds of exposure. When I go back to my room, Democratic politicians are pummeling my inbox, unable to communicate about the Omnishambles without soliciting donations, unable to acknowledge or account for their own uselessness.

I am not in distress because of politics or the DNC or Fox News or the Omnishambles. The architecture of my nervous system is such that distress will find me from time to time no matter what happens to be going on in the world. I can't help my reaction to the sights and sounds of the Republican extinction burst, in all its nasty disregard for truth and reality. But my feelings come from me. I have to remind myself of this a lot. My emotional condition is not the inevitable result of factors outside my control. There is nothing wrong with me yet. Dread will not protect me. A little anxiety is good for getting yourself up off the couch to do useful things. Past that point, anxiety ceases to promote survival and should be regarded, as Tolkien said, as a weapon of the enemy.

I am already doing things. I tell my anxiety it needs to chill.

My bataireacht coach told me a story back in December (he gave me permission to share). His ancestors appeared to him in a dream. He asked for advice about the future and the coming troubles, and they told him: "You're going to have a good time." My coach started trying to explain: no, you don't understand, things are getting really bad here. Their response: "No, we understand, and we agree, things are very bad. But you are going to have a good time."

I am going to die. Maybe sooner, maybe later. The timing will probably not be up to me. Preserving my happiness until then doesn't require me to be in denial. I lean on the perspective I gained from surviving homelessness. Happiness isn't things. Security isn't things. The feeling of safety is not the condition of safety. Home is people and relationships. We can wade into the troubled water and let ourselves be changed, instead of drowning.

These feelings take a lot of processing. There isn’t any final resolution, only continuing motion.