#countries I am neutral toward: the rest of them

[orlandospride]

the us and norway will probably be eliminated next round, and tbh im rooting for sweden to knock japan out too, so theres a entirely new champion

i also want an entirely new champion!!! but i don’t particularly want it to be sweden

probably too ambitious to go for a morocco, south africa or nigeria. but i would take a french or dutch w

[heartkyeom]

be sweet

prince!hoshi x princess!reader (svthub garden collab)

word count: 18.7k

warnings: arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, modern royalty au, family issues, descriptions of food, unprotected sex

tag list (only svthub members since I’m revamping my tag list): @bitchlessdino @wondernus @idyllic-ghost @strawberryya @junkissed

notes: oh my god I finally have another fic out!! this one was truly a labor of love, thank you to all the svthub members that beta read any part of this story. this fic is for the @svthub garden collab and I am extremely grateful for the network’s help with this story <3 I’m very happy that this aligned with hoshi’s birthday! and a big big thank you to my beloved @wondernus for making this amazing header for me!!! as always, I hope y’all enjoy this and please leave feedback through reblogs !!!! and the title is based off the amazing song be sweet by japanese breakfast, listen along to it if you’d like!

The day’s events shouldn’t have felt so taxing, yet they were. There were only a few meetings you had to sit in on, both not requiring full participation. That sounded easy enough for you to handle, you were used to the rigor of royal meetings for years now.

It was easy enough to brush off any requests with a short comment of approval or neutrality, never expressing a thought of negativity unless the guest was close to your family.

You didn’t pull the princess card very often, especially since your meetings mainly consisted of fellow royals who knew the pressure of the job, but today felt different.

Maybe it was the dull pressure that resided in your head, making it hard to focus on the topics at hand. You curse yourself for not taking some kind of headache relief earlier, but now it has lodged itself in the middle of your brain.

You almost work up the nerve to speak up, but your aide beats you to it.

“Princess,” you feel a hand on your shoulder, “there's an urgent matter. We should leave immediately.” Her hushed tone makes your heart clench.

You could only hope no one in your family was hurt. You silently nod and clear your throat, bringing attention to yourself.

“I’m so sorry, but something urgent came up. I have to go, but please make sure to send me any notes and I’ll be sure to review them before we meet again,” You offer the room a small smile, enough to garner empathetic nods from the room.

You let out a shaky breath and stand from your seat, your aide trailing slightly behind your side as you both exit the room in silence.

“What’s going on?” You ask hesitantly.

“Someone has requested a private meeting with you, they asked to keep their identity a secret. Everyone in the family is okay, don’t worry,” The aide turns her head slightly to make sure she can see your response.

You can’t help but ask about your family first, it’s the only thought you have as the only child.

If someone’s passed on, you’re stepping up to handle the situation, and the emergency plans start to kick into high gear.

Luckily, that nightmare can remain at rest.

“Okay,” you nod slowly, trying to process who could want a private meeting with you.

Is an elder statesman concerned about his country? An estranged family member asking for a favor? It really could be anything or anyone.

You both keep a consistent pace through the cavernous halls of the royal estate, your footsteps echoing loudly with each step. You soon arrive at one of many conference rooms, and you’re surprised to see your aide face her back towards the door, she steps aside to let you walk in.

“I’ll be out here if you need anything, lest it escalates to that point,” She raises her eyebrows at you before looking away. That wasn’t a reassuring sign.

You brace yourself before going inside, but nothing seems to prepare you for who’s waiting.

“Hi, lovely.” Kwon Soonyoung smiles at you in a menacingly sweet kind of way, it makes your blood boil.

He’s dressed much nicer than you’re used to seeing him, he’s the type to wear baggy clothes that swallow him whole. In contrast, today he wears a crisp button-down with black slacks, his suit coat nowhere to be found. His signature designer sneakers are exchanged for loafers instead. There’s no logical reason why he could be here, considering his own busy schedule as a prince.

Soonyoung isn’t flying in for a private conversation just for the hell of it.

“Why are you here?” Your tone is resolute, not allowing for even an inch of resistance.

“That’s what we need to talk about. We’re getting married,” He lifts the corner of his mouth.

You let out a laugh that is nowhere near polite, in fact, you’re nearly cackling at the prospect of this idea. It’s simply so outlandish, so fantastical that every time you look at his face it seems more unfathomable.

Most princesses knew to let each other know that if they were charmed by him, Soonyoung was ultimately not marriage material. If anything, he was determined to make himself the least suitable husband possible.

He was the typical sweet boy turned party animal, spending most nights abroad drinking his days away with a new girl in his bed every night. He does show up to the occasional political obligation, but only when his team forces him to. That’s one reason why he bothers you so much, he has such little duty to his native country of Aranorin and the people in it that everyone else has to make him care about it.

“You’re joking, there’s no fucking way,” Your body vibrates from laughter, but you slowly come to your senses once you see he’s not cracking another joke.

“I’m not joking, I’m here to start our courtship.” His serious tone makes you start to consider the gravity of the situation.

“Hold on, so you think you can just come into Maritria, coming from god knows where,” You make a broad gesture toward him before continuing, “to formally start our relationship. That’s what you’re saying,” You cross your arms, returning to your originally defensive stance.

“Yes, this isn’t just coming out of thin air. This has been in the works for a few months now,” He raises his eyebrows to punctuate the timeline. It just makes you even more confused. Why wouldn’t anyone tell you about this?

“What do you mean?” You question.

He braces himself one last time. “I’ve been speaking to the king and queen about arranging our marriage for two months,” You almost think his face goes slightly sympathetic at his admission, but that’s wishful thinking.

Regardless, it’s a blow to your ego.

How could they not tell you? How could they so easily shift the responsibility onto him without saying a word?

It would be one thing if they were still considering other men, but to know the talks were final, that Kwon Soonyoung was your future husband whether you liked it or not, was a devastating realization.

“This is unbelievable.” You let out a shaky whisper, you’re so rattled that you force yourself to sit down and close your eyes, willing yourself to take a deep breath.

You open your eyes to see him hovering near you, clearly a stifled attempt to try and comfort you. Yet, he’s the least comforting person you’ve ever known.

“I don’t want to do this either. You’re definitely not my first choice for a wife.” He scoffs at the possibility that he could ever choose you without incentive.

“Yeah, clearly. You’d rather want a girl who would kiss your ass every day instead of being honest with you.” You retort.

The gossip that flitted between young royals all but confirmed your suspicion that he dumped any girl that tried to make a long-term connection with him. It was fine if he didn’t want to get married. Not all royals are meant for it, and he didn’t have as much pressure to marry off as the youngest child. He could get away with being a lifetime bachelor, but choosing that lifestyle wasn’t worth hurting other people in the process.

“Aw, is lifetime celibacy boring you that much to the point where you’re worried about the girls I sleep with?” He cracks a smile that you match with a forced laugh.

“No, I just think you dump them as soon as they realize how small your dick is.” You smile through your response, causing him to form his arms together.

“You’re so lucky now that we’re together, you can finally stop waiting for those nice guys who don’t have a personality to sweep you up,” His condescending tone makes you frustrated but not deterred from bantering completely.

“So I can end up dating one of your dickhead friends instead? Absolutely not,” You shake your head knowing how insufferable most of his friends are. Soonyoung just happened to be the worst of them.

“All jokes aside, I know you’re perfectly aware of why we’re getting married. I don’t have to look at the news to know things are bleak,” His straightforward approach forces you to swallow the lump in your throat.

You knew the country’s finances were not great.

You didn’t want or need to see the exact numbers, especially if it makes your day-to-day duties labored with worry. Although many political teams insist that princesses have no business in the logistical affairs of running a country, it meant everything to you to know how your country was faring in the world. Maritria already maintained a longstanding connection with Aranorin that gave your country some freedom to pursue other lucrative opportunities, but it dawned on you that it wasn’t enough.

“I’m doing this for my country, not out of some pathetic excuse you may have to avoid self-reflection. You can just get married to me and stop pretending to be a good person, right?” You ask bitingly.

“We both know I stopped pretending a long time ago. Marrying the nation’s sweetheart is just a bonus,” He smirks unapologetically, you don’t like the way the nickname sits on his tongue as if it’s his own.

“Is there anything else you want? I need to get back to work,” You stand up from your seat, trying not to look back at the door while you plot your escape. It was hard enough not to completely explode at him, and you needed to redirect your energy elsewhere.

“There is, I got you something,” He retrieves a small velvet box from his pocket. “It’s not an engagement ring, but just consider it a courtship gift.”

You open the box and lightly examine the ring. You know it’s far too expensive than most of the jewelry you’ve ever worn. Your family was wealthy, but Soonyoung’s family had the kind of money that you didn’t need to plan so carefully around. However, you don’t want to seem so easily impressed.

“It’s fine. When are you planning on proposing?” You brush him off easily.

“That ruins the surprise.” He smiles at you yet your face remains stoic.

“I’ll get your number from someone else, I don’t want to drag this out anymore.” You stuff the box in your dress pocket and start to make your way toward the exit.

“It’s been horrible to see you again, Your Royal Highness.” His stiffly formal greeting makes you turn around to face him.

You squint your eyes. “Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“The Royal Highness thing,” You point at yourself before continuing, “I’m not gonna say Your Royal Highness every time we’re in private. Don’t start giving a shit now.”

“Fine. Bye, darling.” He quips.

Your face contorts into disgust before you can stop yourself. “You’re not gonna make that my mandated wife nickname.”

“You don’t get to choose the nickname I give you, honey.” He approaches you and pinches your cheek before speaking, “Besides, it’ll be fun to try to figure out how to mask my hate for you in public.”

You cringe at his touches, but you straighten up immediately.

“Likewise,” You offer a tight-lipped smile before finally leaving the room.

You close the door behind you and take the breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

“Can you clear my schedule for the rest of the day? I need time to deal with this,” You finally look at your aide with an expectant glance.

“Yes, of course, princess.” She immediately grabs her phone to send notices to those involved. You can’t even remember who you were meant to see for the rest of the day. Your mind simply wanders to your parents, the next targets of your rage.

“I’m gonna go home. I don’t want to see anyone unless it’s my parents. Or him, not that I want him around anyways,” You roll your eyes at the thought of having to voluntarily communicate with him on a regular basis.

“Sounds good. I have his phone number, if you’d like it.” She offers.

“Ok,” You agree and quickly input his phone number. As you type in a contact name, you’re not sure what to call him.

Soonyoung is far too casual, it doesn’t feel comfortable yet. You’re absolutely not calling him by his title, not by a long shot.

The romantic pet names similar to the ones he used with you were not earned, so it left you stumped.

You settle on “headache,” because the ache in your temple is still there, bothering you immensely and now he’s adding to it.

You’re just lucky that you didn’t end up shouting at each other this time.

—

As if they could read your mind, your parents call you in for an emergency meeting before you can make it home. That pent-up rage is starting to make its way out before you even see them, it shows in the way you stomp to your father’s main office, marching far ahead of your aide.

You open the door without knocking, a major sign that you’re not looking forward to the discussion.

Your father gives you a warning look, but you’re not bothered by it. The staff turns their attention toward your bold entrance, immediately preparing themselves to leave.

Your father is sitting in his velvet study chair, poised as always. Your mother stands behind your father, idly leaning her weight against the back wall.

Her demeanor is not as composed, as if she knows you’re about to raise hell.

“We’d like a private meeting, thank you,” He gives a pained smile to the staff and they all file out silently. You watch them with a fiery gaze, waiting for the last person to close the door behind you.

When the door finally shuts, you whip your gaze to face them again.

“Soonyoung? Are you kidding me?” You exclaim.

“Y/N, please,” Your mother tries to intercept, but you’re faster than that.

“Actually, I’d like to know exactly why I was left out of the conversation about me having an arranged marriage, to begin with,” You cross your arms and lean back in your chair, preparing yourself for a bullshit excuse.

“Well, we were anticipating this kind of reaction,” he gestures at you in disapproval, “you weren’t meant to be involved in these discussions in the first place.” He speaks to you so patronizingly that it almost catches you off guard.

“So you can just decide that I’m getting married on a whim, just like that.” You snap your fingers impatiently.

“You know how the country is currently faring, you knew marriage could possibly be an option for financial security almost a year ago. Please don’t act like this is some affront to you,” Your father slowly raises his voice, fists slowly clenching as he elaborates.

“Yes, but you didn’t tell me things were this bad. You didn’t tell me that you had tried everything else. Hell, you didn’t even tell me that you were starting discussions about marriage!” You were trying your best to keep your voice even, but the defeat was starting to show through.

“We ultimately thought leaving you in the dark was best, but we miscalculated.” Your mother tries to cover for your father’s stern approach. You scoff, turning away for a moment before continuing.

Miscalculated is an understatement. You were devastated.

Your father seems to be annoyed that you were showing this much emotion while your mother seems ashamed that the situation has escalated this far. Their conflicting expressions just made you feel even worse, knowing that they couldn’t act as a united front. You wished that it was either complete anger or support from both of them.

“Soonyoung. You can’t possibly tell me he was the only option,” You turn back to them with glossy eyes.

“Sweetheart, you know Arinorin is one of our most important allies. Soonyoung would have always been an option. Even if there were better options, we couldn’t ignore him.” Her comforting tone does little to comfort you at the moment.

A tear finally falls onto your cheek. Her words hurt because she was right. Even if there was a perfect prince waiting for you out there, he wasn’t the prince of Arinorin.

“He hates me, you don’t see how much he hates me.” You shake your head and cover your face with your hands. You’re fully sobbing into your hands and it leaves your parents speechless. You know they’re looking at you with full judgment, but it didn’t matter.

“You’re giving your only daughter away to a man who despises her.” You seethe through your tears.

“He hasn’t given us any reason not to trust him.” Your father speaks up again and it breaks you down even further. He has that immovable stare on his face that signals his word is final.

You compose yourself before speaking again.

“When we get a divorce, it’ll be your fault.” You lift your hand to your cheeks, wiping away any stray tears left on your face.

“You’re being ridiculous, you’re saying that you won’t even try for your country?” Your father shifts in his seat, it seems like he wants to jump up and fully lecture you but it won’t happen.

You finally snap. “I have tried for this country! Every day, I have shown both of you what I’m capable of as a future queen, not asking you for anything. Now, the one part of my life where I should have control, choosing the person I’m married to, I have none.” By the time you finish speaking, your tears are gone by sheer will. Your eyes burn with the familiar sting of fatigue mixed with anger bubbling over the surface.

“I’m sorry, dear.” You see your mother wipe a tear of her own. You were grateful that she saw through you, at least at this moment. It was a quiet show of support that you needed amongst all these difficult feelings.

You put your head in your hands for a moment before looking up at them. “I’m going home and someone will send me the things I need to wrap my head around this entire situation.” Your tone is far more measured compared to before.

Before you can hurt your own feelings by hearing them out, you decide to make your exit. You’re nearly out of the door before you turn around again, letting go of the doorknob.

“I’ll always remember that he told me first instead of you.” With that, you leave without looking back at their expressions.

Hopefully, it’ll hurt like hell for them to hear it.

You ignore the staff members that were peering near the door, eagerly waiting to see who would break first. You’re sure that it looks dramatic, but you were far too concerned with your own feelings before anyone else’s.

—

Once you made it home, you were attempting to forget the stress of the day and it was going relatively well. You were able to catch up on a TV show you’d been forgetting to watch, and finally remembering to do self-care tasks that were left unattended due to your work.

Now, you’re taking a bubble bath with no intention of opening your eyes anytime soon. You needed to just sit, you didn’t have much time to do that most days.

The water is still fairly hot, enough to where you can sink down and continue to salvage any remaining calmness you might’ve had left.

Thus, your vibrating phone didn’t exactly make you feel at ease. You hope that it wasn’t one of your parents, considering your conversation didn’t have a clean finish. Any of their apologies would be falling on stubborn ears.

You glance at your lock screen and if anything, it’s worse.

It’s him. You pick up the phone with an anxious hand and press the accept button.

“What do you want?” You snap at him.

“You actually picked up!” He notes with a hint of surprise.

“Trust me, I didn’t want to.” You shift uncomfortably in the bathtub, the sloshing water calling you out immediately.

“Is that water? What are you doing?” His curious nature already annoys you, so it’ll be easier to dodge the question.

“None of your business.” Your free hand cups the remaining bubbles in the bath.

“Oh my god, is the princess naked on the phone with me?” He sounds far too pleased with himself. You can practically hear his shit-eating grin in the way he replies.

“You’re a horny little freak who hasn’t told me why he’s called yet.” You force yourself to sit up now that the relaxation in your body is quickly dissipating.

“Right. We’re doing intimacy coordination tomorrow. I figured you didn’t look at that schedule they gave you.”

“Shit.” You sigh just out of earshot.

Intimacy coordination isn’t common at all with arranged royal marriages. If a couple looked like they had never met before in their life, it was typically on them for not being more convincing. Yet, the number of public events you two have to be involved in over the foreseeable future warranted different circumstances. If you couldn’t look head over heels for each other at the wedding, it was going to spell trouble for both countries.

“I’m only in town until tomorrow night, so I don’t have to look at your face for much longer than that,” You sigh at his response, knowing that he’s not one to hold back with you.

“I wish you could leave sooner, maybe I could actually enjoy not seeing you even more than I already do.” You reach to open the drain.

“Just practicing my future husband duties by stressing you out, love,” You can practically hear his smile through the phone.

“That one isn’t bad, actually,” Your thoughts trail off once you hear it, but he brings you back to reality almost immediately.

“So that’s definitely not what I’m gonna call you.”

“I’m hanging up.” Your waning patience with him has officially run out and you’re itching to move on with your night.

“Bye, honey!” He’s laughing uncontrollably through the response and it makes your blood boil. It’s clear that this is already a joke to him.

“Fuck off,” You hang up before you have to listen to his laughter any longer. You put your head in your hands and let out a muffled scream.

He already wanted to make this courtship as excruciating as possible.

You finally stand up from the bath and wrap a warm towel around your body, staring at your reflection in the mirror.

Luckily, your parents did listen to your request and a massive document of schedules and timelines of your relationship with Soonyoung appeared in your email inbox.

You had only skimmed the schedule before Soonyoung called you, you stopped looking at it before it stressed you out beyond repair.

According to the timeline your parents created in accordance with his team, you were supposed to have been dating for 11 months at this point.

You can’t possibly imagine putting up a front for 11 months, but then again, you would have to pretend for the rest of your life.

That thought haunts you through the rest of your night routine.

How do you carve your life around Soonyoung when he’s creeping his way into everything?

How do you find peace when you’re with someone who’s determined to misunderstand you?

These questions have you wiping your tears as you attempt to fall asleep that night.

—

To your dismay, the intimacy training was first thing in the morning.

You were barely conscious, but somehow you arrived early with a slightly cloudy mentality and an overall dread for the next 2 hours.

You were the first of the three, besides your personal staff members, to arrive at the dance studio. You figured the space was far too big for what you were working through today, but you forego criticism to admire the room.

Admittedly, you didn’t go into many of the creative spaces throughout the palace because you weren’t a creative type. The arts were simply something you admired from afar, you didn’t have the talent even as a child to pursue these things seriously.

This apparently needed to be remedied as you notice the sweeping mirrors around the perimeter of the room. The hardwood floors were practically shining underneath your feet. You’re sure that whoever used the room was sure to enjoy themselves.

You’re admiring yourself in the mirror when you catch Soonyoung entering the room. He quietly greets the staff, giving short bows to everyone in sight.

It’s the only time you’ve seen him act with a royal demeanor, even in his casual workout clothes it’s a bit surprising to see him this way.

He makes his way over to you with a smile on his face.

“You’re early.” He eyes you up and down.

“Unfortunately, yes. You look.. comfortable.” You don’t mean to raise your voice up another octave, but you were just barely attempting niceties.

“So do you, you actually don’t look like you're trying too hard for once.” He leans against the mirror and gives you another judgmental look.

“It’s far too early in the morning to play this game, Kwon Soonyoung. Don’t get your feelings hurt.” You close your eyes before you get too angry, a slight change of pace from your typical interactions with him.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you’ll be more awkward considering you’ve only had two boyfriends, one who looked like he was your son.” He stifled a giggle.

“Chan was so sweet.” You pouted at the thought of your teenage boyfriend. He really was kind, probably the perfect first boyfriend that you could ask for. You remember how much he cried when you broke up with him. You just weren’t the same person you were when you started dating him at 16, so you needed the space to grow apart.

Unfortunately, Soonyoung was right about the mom thing.

“It’s not my fault I had a growth spurt and the stylists kept dressing me like a divorce lawyer.” You insisted.

You recalled how harsh the style blogs were on you back then, many claimed that you’d never find your own personal style as long as other people kept dressing you older than you actually were. Unfortunately, they were also right. You live and learn though.

However, you didn’t even want to think about your second boyfriend.

“I’m just saying good chemistry doesn’t come naturally to all of us, it’s okay to ask for help.” His faux concern was especially irritating.

You weren’t that awkward with men, were you?

You didn’t have much time to consider an answer before a young woman walked into the studio.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you both! My name is Elise and I’ll be leading you both through training today.” She offers her hand out to you for a handshake and you accept with a smile. She does the same to Soonyoung and moves toward the mirror.

“So, how long have you known each other?” She dives right into discussions with the question.

“Around 15 years or so?” The number that came out of your mouth was definitely a rough estimate, but it sounded about right.

You vaguely remember being introduced to Soonyoung and his older siblings at a fancy state dinner as a child. He was far less mischievous then, a bit timid around everyone except his family. Since then, you’ve ran into each other regularly due to the relationship between your parents. They were far closer to each other than you were with him and his siblings, so the situation feels a bit ironic now.

“Okay, but I’m assuming you haven’t been in contact very often?” She clarifies.

“Not at all.” He chimes in.

“Right, so we’ve got our work cut out for us then. Today isn’t gonna be too complicated, you’re just gonna be trying some physical activities to see how natural that looks.” Elise smiles in order to lighten the mood, but you’re certain it won’t work out.

“So, what are we gonna practice, hugging?” He scoffs, and you’re certain that he thinks this is all bullshit. You weren’t happy about it either, but keeping up appearances was the most important part of this.

“Yes, I know that sounds weird, but I promise it’ll pay off,” Elise continues to offer reassuring statements, but he’s not convinced and frankly, neither are you. You exchange a glance with him and decide to take the lead as the awkwardness continues to sit in the air.

“So where should we start?” You ask out of a mix of curiosity and dread.

“Let’s just have you both hold hands.”

Soonyoung extends a hand out to you with a smirk on his face. You’d rather slap him, but you’d think it would leave Elise traumatized.

You take his hand a bit too forcefully and adjust yourself within his hold. By glancing at the two of you in the mirror, you notice two things.

First, his hands are warm, a bit too warm for this moment.

Secondly, his thumb is absentmindedly brushing against the back of your hand. You can’t call attention to it or else it’ll stop, and you decide in the moment that it’s too relaxing. He probably doesn’t even notice that he’s doing something so romantic, that little bastard.

“Okay, so how does that feel?” Elise asks.

“Fine.” The reply forces itself out of your mouth.

“It’s fine.” He agrees with a nod of his head. He also peers at the both of you in the mirror with a slight curiosity, his head tilting slightly.

“We do look good together, though.” He murmurs to himself. You’re not sure if it’s the arrogance peeking through and he only believes you look good while he’s with you, but maybe for a second, you can see what he’s talking about.

“Good, and what’s a small physical gesture you can do to make each other feel at ease?” Elise’s question causes you to look up at him.

This feels unnecessary since Soonyoung is not a nervous person. No matter what, his particularly frustrating charm and gregarious personality never allow any anxiety to show to others.

“I can just do this.” He calls attention to the thumb thing and that puts you on the spot.

He seems incapable of needing comfort. It’s one of the things that keeps a silent distance between the two of you. You believe that he remains emotionally stunted in order to navigate his world a bit easier.

He can let the girls who want something more from him down easy, and they don’t realize how bad it really felt to be pushed away until they never see him again.

You didn’t want to end up in that position.

“I don’t know.” You let your mind wander for a moment.

Yet, he was bold. He was always decisive in what he wanted, never caring about what his actions made him look like if it was for better or worse.

You figured that you should be bold too.

You intertwine your fingers deeper into his grasp and pull his hand to your lips, leaving a small peck on the back of his hand.

His eyes widened immediately. “That’s quite forward, princess.”

“I needed to one-up you,” You answer nonchalantly, but you don’t miss the slight spark in his eyes. It was unexpected, and you were always going by the book.

Elise ignores your conversation and continues her questioning. “So I assume you both will be interested in PDA?”

“To a certain extent, I don't see why not.” You pull back slightly into your reserved nature, but he runs with it.

“Yes, we’re supposed to be a more open and progressive couple to represent a new generation of royals, so it would be nice to be a bit bolder,” He nods decisively along with his response.

You didn’t really think about the relationship like that until he mentioned it. While you were attuned to a certain sense of responsibility as the singular face of your country’s new generation of leadership, it was known that you fought back against regressive norms brought up in your daily work.

Why not lean into something new when the image of your respective countries so desperately needed a refresh?

“That’s good to know. I know you both have different styles, but I think there are ways we can meet in the middle here.” Elise notes.

That statement proves to be true for the rest of your session. Elise leads you both through hugging and slightly provocative gestures that make you want to crawl out of your skin, but you both fumble your way through it.

Soonyoung seems insistent on embarrassing you with more revealing gestures while yours are relatively contained. He’s being a bit too playful for your liking, but it helps you understand his personality a bit more.

You decide that you want a moment to speak with him before he flies back home later that evening, excusing Elise and the remaining staff to leave you both in the studio.

“When do we see each other again?” You ask.

“You’re a bit too eager, aren’t you darling?” He smirks at you, and you lose the slight bit of faith you had instilled in him before.

“Shut up, I’m just trying to remember this stupid schedule.” You grumble. You resort to pulling out your phone instead, quickly finding the most up-to-date iteration of the relationship timeline in your email inbox.

“I’ll be in Arinorin in a few weeks to meet your parents,” Your brain works through the schedule quickly, scanning the information fast enough to say it out loud.

“Oh shit.” He mutters under his breath.

Oh shit was right. You haven’t had a proper conversation with the king and queen since you were a teenager. It was typical family friend fare, asking how your studies were going, if your hobbies were still things you enjoyed and a faint interest in any other topics that you happened to bring up.

Since then, there were only brief interactions in passing that were fairly positive. They must’ve thought quite well of you if they agreed to have their youngest son marry you, but that was something you’d have to inquire about with them.

“And to go on a date with you,” You mumbled.

That’s what really rattled you. It wouldn’t be real until no one else was around to direct and stage your romance, it was up to the both of you to make it happen.

“Right, I’ll get to choose what we get up to.” You can tell that his brain is creating a vision that will be less than satisfactory, and you can’t fight the urge to attempt to gain control.

“We aren’t going on your yacht, are we? I think you’ve broken enough hearts there.” You tease him.

“Very funny, and no, we’re not going on the boat… anymore.” He admits with an eye roll.

“See! I knew you were gonna take me there!” You interject, letting out the laugh that had been sitting in your chest for a minute or so.

“I’m never anybody’s boyfriend, cut me some slack,” He says it as if it’d get him off the hook for being mentally checked out during this process.

That much was obvious from the lack of planning, but you’d have to give him some space to try and impress you.

“Yeah, that’s pretty clear. I know long-term planning isn’t your strength.” You bite back and he brushes it off easily.

“Get all your jokes out now, but I’m gonna impress you. Mark my words,” He points at you while heading towards the door.

“We’ll see about that, loverboy,” You check your phone absentmindedly while he sees himself out.

“Is that my nickname?” He pokes his head back into the door with an excited tone.

“Bye, Soonyoung,” You grit your teeth into a smile and watch him reluctantly leave the room.

You can only hope your future in-laws aren’t as insufferable as him.

—

A few weeks later, the trip to Arinorin has arrived and all of its possible consequences are driving you up a wall. The culmination of meeting with your future in-laws, the date with Soonyoung, and the idea of being perceived as his partner outside of your home country are all slightly nauseating.

At first, it was just fun and games, but now, as the plane lands, the tension settles beneath your skin. Soonyoung was supposed to be picking you up, but you didn’t have much faith in that happening.

You barely remembered to grab the ring he gifted you so you could wear it while you were in town, simply as a reminder that this was all happening.

You exit the plane with your luggage in tow, only for Soonyoung to be waiting on the tarmac. He’s accompanied by a large black SUV that is clearly not his personal car, but his stance is trying to convince you that it is.

“Hi, princess.” He calls out with a wave of his hand.

“When are you gonna actually call me by my name?” You approach him with squinted eyes, your vision steadily adjusting to the early afternoon sun.

“When this feels less awkward, so give or take a few years,” He jokes.

“Not funny,” You gesture to him to take your luggage, and he catches the hint once you look at him again. You don’t want to shoulder smaller tasks onto his staff, you wanted to see how he would handle these things instead.

“How was the flight?” He calls out to you again, you hear the trunk slam shut and he comes into view again to anticipate your answer.

“It was alright, I’m just tired.” You rub at your temples to punctuate the feeling.

“Hopefully your room will be good enough,” He sounds somewhat considerate while opening the door for you. It feels wrong.

You slide into the back row with him following behind you. He shuts the door and his driver promptly begins the drive to the palace.

“Are you nervous about the trip? My parents aren’t exactly as kind as yours,” Soonyoung chuckles.

You let out a deep sigh. You wouldn’t call them kind considering the circumstances, in fact, you’re barely on speaking terms with them outside of public obligations.

Was it petty? Yes.

Was it also justified? Yes.

You figured that icing them out for a while would help them come to their senses. If worst comes to worst, maybe it could help you gain further control over the wedding.

Nevertheless, you were still upset with them.

“They’re really not that great, and I’d say that I’m pretty good with parents,” You avoid his glance to look out the window instead, taking in the sights of the country.

You don’t have many memories of Arinorin. Many of them were informed by meetings that you couldn’t even remember anymore.

“You’re right. The nation’s sweetheart can charm anyone. Plus it’ll give me time to think about what we’re gonna do on the date,” He affirms with a nod of his head.

“God, don’t remind me. If I’m lucky, we’ll be meeting at a strip club.” You roll your eyes.

“You really have no faith in me!” He pouts. You don’t give into him though.

“It's hard enough just being in a car with you.”

—

Soonyoung doesn’t ever have to think about first dates.

In fact, he doesn’t think he’s been on a proper first date since he was a teenager. Even then, it was low stakes. He could just pick something random for him and another girl to do, and it would be completely inconsequential to his life.

Now, impressing his future wife with an incredible first date feels monumental. He barely knew anything about you besides that goody two shoes personality of yours. It seemed like everyone was suddenly obsessed with you and he was the last to know.

He decides that a midday picnic is inoffensive enough for the both of you to enjoy. If either of you were miserable with each other, there would at least be good food to distract from it. The sunny weather was already on his side, now he just had to charm you.

You waved slightly as you approached his picnic blanket, stopping before your feet could cover the edge of the blanket.

“Wow, this is a lot,” Your eyes landed on the assortment of food spread across the blanket. There was a spread of fruit, snacks, and sandwiches for the two of you to eat together. Soonyoung knew he didn’t completely fuck up by the way you nodded, but you weren’t exactly jumping to praise him in general.

“I don’t get a hello?” He attempts a greeting but it falls flat.

You roll your eyes. “Hi, Soonyoung,” You state halfheartedly, crossing your arms in protest.

“Hi. Does the food look alright?” He takes off his sunglasses and fixes his gaze on you.

“Yeah, I figured you’d be inept at setting up a date, so it’s surpassed my expectations already,” You give him a tight-lipped smile before sitting on the blanket. He attempts to ignore the way your dress hikes up slightly to expose your thigh. The sundress that you’re wearing seems to expose every detail of your body that he’s neglected to look at, but he snaps back into focus when he hears you clear your throat.

Once you both start eating, it’s clear how little you have in common with each other. Sure, he figured it’d be a little difficult to get to know you, but the lingering silence doesn’t exactly make him eager to strike up a conversation.

“How do you feel about all this?” You ask suddenly. It catches him so off guard that he chokes on the piece of fruit he was chewing.

He coughs, raising the attention of the nearby guards. You turn to them, giving a signal that he’s okay before turning around. “Damn, I didn’t think the question was that bad,” You laugh sadly.

“No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect it.” He waves off any suspicion.

He takes a deep breath. “I mean, I’m not thrilled. I know the economic aspect of this is the most important thing, but my parents are practically dying to marry me off,” He reaches for a bottle of wine, grabbing a nearby glass before pouring himself something to drink.

“So I’m not the first?” You ask.

“Absolutely not,” He snickers. This relationship would mark the 5th time his parents have tried to set him up with a fellow royal. He has managed to sabotage all previous attempts on account of pissing his parents off.

The girls they set him up with were nice enough, but he had no chemistry with any of them. He felt like sparing them from a relationship full of misery by ruining it before it even started.

“So your parents figured you wouldn’t want to escape a marriage instead of just dating?” You attempt to clarify.

“Bingo,” He sips his wine before handing you the bottle.

“So, does that mean you’re gonna try to escape this?” You accept it and pour yourself a fuller glass, immediately taking a sip after asking the question.

“I think you’d be pretty fucked if I tried to do that. I’m not that much of an asshole,” He shakes his head and laughs it off. Since being hated by his parents was bad enough, Soonyoung didn’t want to become the center of an emerging geopolitical crisis.

It would fuck everyone over, especially you. He could at least admit to himself that you didn’t deserve that.

“That’s nice, I guess,” You smile halfheartedly at him.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you.” He speaks in an unusually flat tone before turning away to face the view of sprawling hills and seemingly endless mountaintops. The sight of the burgeoning nature surrounding the houses below him brought a sense of peace.

Before you asked, he hadn't given the entire arranged marriage process much thought. Sure, he knew that you’d be getting married relatively soon, but he had no idea how to present himself as a good partner. He didn’t exactly know how to move forward knowing that everyone expected him to fail.

“You really are a dickhead,” You mumble.

“You’re not exactly sweet as pie either. Everyone loves you, but you’re fucking miserable to be around.” He responds in a piercing tone.

“Well, if you get to be a cunt, then so should I. It’s not like I’m getting anything out of this,” You shoot back.

You were definitely worse off as an only child. Sure, he was the black sheep of the family, but he could get away with plenty of things as the youngest. His siblings were off impressing the world by ruling the country, getting PhDs, having a shit ton of kids, and generally being upstanding citizens.

However, it didn’t make sense for him to try that hard.

“Your country’s finances won’t go to shit, isn’t that enough?”

His question seems to bring out another layer of frustration for you. “No, I want a husband who gives two shits about me past my bra size, but apparently that’s wishful thinking,” You angrily bite into a strawberry and turn away from him.

“Look, we don’t have to do anything except pretend that we’re in love. So, let’s not do anything past that. Alright?” He proposes. Your face is unreadable, but the way you chew on the inside of your lip shows that he’d never get to know what’s eating away at you.

“Alright,” Your body language seems to retreat completely.

The mood of the date is different after that, and his request seems to render you both silent as you eat the rest of the food without interacting. The view of the countryside makes him wish that he didn’t have to deal with any of this, just live in a tiny house where no one had to remind him about his impending marriage.

—

The entire day leading up to the Youth Summit Ball left you feeling incredibly rattled.

You know the staff is perfectly capable of executing your vision for the ball as they've done year after year. It was one of your signature events as a royal, and its annual presence in Maritria brought much-needed attention to the country with the presence of young royals and its ever-popular red carpet.

Tonight, however, would be the first time Soonyoung is escorting you as a “longtime” boyfriend in public. You’ve been seen together in public, yes, but this is a public declaration that you are hypothetically in love with him. As a co-chair of the event, nothing could go wrong since many of your peers would be attending with their families.

Nothing could go wrong, thus you needed him to know the extent of your anxiety.

You heard a knock on the door, and you’re accepting them inside without a second thought.

“You wanted to see me?” He asks as he steps inside the dressing room.

You’re thrown by how handsome he looks. You argued with each other over text about what he should wear, he insisted that it didn’t matter. Yet, your color palettes were not to be betrayed. You internally thank yourself for persisting with a navy suit. It contrasted well with his platinum-blonde hair that seemed to attract as many eyes as possible while you were out in public together.

“Yes, I did. You need to behave tonight, I’m not risking anything because you want to get your dick wet,” You scoff.

“Trust me, I already got this little lecture from your mother. I’ll be fine.” He smirks at you, not doing much to quiet the anxiety that was starting to build in your stomach.

“Well, your girlfriend is telling you herself that I’m serious about this,” Your hands automatically move up to his shoulders, smoothing out the nonexistent creases on his jacket. It was still weird to call yourself his girlfriend, the word felt too stiff coming from your mouth.

“And I’m reluctantly listening,” He moves his hand to your bare shoulder, brushing something off with a few light sweeps. You opted to wear a black form fitting gown, the design was relatively simple but it was still eye-catching. You thought you noticed Soonyoung taking glances at you.

“Do you remember everything I told you about tonight?” You remind him.

“Why wouldn’t I remember, Y/N?” He gives you that “are you serious” kind of look and you’re starting to buckle under the pressure.

“I don’t know, maybe you’re nervous or something,” You turn away from him, peering into the mirror to check if there are any flaws with your makeup.

“I don’t get nervous about stuff like this. Are you nervous?” You see him approaching, but you put your focus immediately back on your face.

“What? No, stop, I’m fine,” You purse your lips to check your lipstick. He mimics you, pushing his lips out like a duck and it startles you.

“Those cheeks of yours are telling me otherwise,” He rubs a finger on your cheek and you slap it away almost immediately.

“Stop, Soonyoung, I’m serious. Let’s just get through the night.” You shoot him a warning look and he puts his hands up defensively.

“Okay, no funny business. I promise,” He smiles. It’s not enough to convince you, but your mind is too focused on creating a good outcome for the night that it’s fruitless trying to argue with him any further.

“Ready for a good time?” He offers his hand out to you, and you reluctantly accept it.

“It sounds bad when you say it.”

—

“You know, she said we should kiss just once to see what it’s like,” His voice was slightly slurred as if the alcohol was slowly taking possession of his words.

“You’re just tipsy,” You throw your purse across the living room and fumble to lock the door shut.

“No, you are, I saw you sneak two shots out of the kitchen,” He points with a shocked smile, “plus a few glasses of chardonnay. You’re not fooling me, princess.”

He was probably right, but that didn’t make it any better. “God forbid that I wanna drink at my own event. Why are you at my place right now?” You’re irritated at his presence almost constantly.

“You wanted me to do everything for you, remember? So you could just hop into bed with no worries,” He waves his arm into the air.

The event went well, accounting for your drunkenness and Soonyoung’s unpredictable nature.

“What are you waiting for then? Take my shoes off,” You flail your arms helplessly, your body is slowly slumping forward but Soonyoung catches you before you stumble.

“Okay, let's sit down, miss bossy. You’re ordering me around when I was a perfect boyfriend tonight,” He guides you to your couch, slowly easing you down onto the seat when you let out an audible sigh of relief.

“You were an average boyfriend who didn’t look stupid in front of paparazzi. Don’t feel too proud of yourself.” Your tolerance for his shenanigans was lower than usual now that you were drunk, and you didn’t feel bad about fighting back at him.

“All of this is extra credit,” He tries to reason himself out of the bare minimum.

“Taking care of me is not extra credit, it’s the standard. You’re supposed to be taking care of me for the rest of my life, not just right now. Idiot,” You roll your eyes and close them briefly before his voice forces you awake again.

“You’re so mean to me, your poor boyfriend is still learning what you like,” He finally takes off your heels and you let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Better?” He asks with a smile. You know that he wants to laugh at you so badly, but you’re too far gone to care.

“Much better,” You close your eyes for a moment before snapping again. “Take off my jewelry.”

He removes your earrings quite easily, but you still feel a bit flustered when he leans toward your ear to focus on undoing the clasps of your necklace.

He settles his face near your neck to fully remove your diamond necklace, he cradles it in his hand and you think you might go slightly insane. He places it on the coffee table gently and looks back at you with a smirk.

“What’s going on?” You pick up on his expression.

“Nothing, I’m gonna do your hair.” He turns your body so your back is facing him now. He’s sort of just feeling around for bobby pins, placing them down on the coffee table whenever he pulls another out. Once he takes out the decorative pins near the top of your head, your hair finally feels free.

“Soonyoung?” You ask suddenly.

“Hmm?” He’s organizing all the hairpins but takes a moment to look up at you.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” Your voice is a bit timid, nervous about how he might react. You would’ve contained yourself in any other circumstance, but now you just needed to head that you were worth complimenting.

“Where’s all this coming from, you’re just fishing for compliments now,” He shakes his head with a smile on his face.

“No, I’m not. It’s just-,” Your thoughts trail off, but Soonyoung catches your attention again with a gentle hand on your thigh. You don’t jump to move it away.

“Everybody was looking at us, but some people looked at us like I wasn’t meant to be with you. Is that true? Am I not pretty enough to be with you?” You feel increasingly insecure the more you elaborate. You didn’t think you’d feel this upset about it, but it meant your work was failing. You weren’t a believable couple and it was obvious to you now.

“Y/N, don’t say that. You’re beautiful,” His voice is noticeably softer.

“Not beautiful enough to sleep with. You wouldn’t sleep with me,” You rub your eyes with your hands and Soonyoung removes them from your face, laughing at the traces of makeup on the sides of your fingers. It seems like he still caught what you said though when he stops laughing.

“And that’s not the point. You’re just saying shit now, all of the guys in there would be lucky to even kiss you,” He insists. He stands up suddenly and walks toward your room. You assume he gets up to find makeup wipes, but you sit with his statement in the meantime.

You contemplate if you’d even want to kiss any of the royals who came to the party. You knew your standards were high and wondered if that would chase them off before they even had a chance to kiss you. He comes back and immediately wipes across your face the moment he sits down. His approach is slightly rough, but you couldn’t exactly get mad at him. He was just doing what you asked of him.

He’s analyzing if he got all of the makeup off when you speak up.

“But you’re not lucky?” You remark quietly.

That makes him clear his throat. You can even spot a hint of blush across his cheeks. It appears that you’ve riled him up slightly.

“I am lucky,” He lowers his head to rub the back of his neck with his hand, “You give me a run for my money.”

“Show me how lucky you are.” You continue to tempt him to see how he’ll react.

“I thought you wanted me to behave tonight?” He’s almost willing to act, but he still waits for your approval.

“I do, but she said we should kiss for practice,” You swallow lightly in anticipation. He rests his forehead against yours and you can hear his breath hitch in his throat.

You’ve been good, you’ve been so good all of your life. You don’t think you’ve done anything worth batting an eye at for your entire adolescence and young adulthood, but it was exhausting.

It was exhausting to be good, the voice of reason, the example of a perfect daughter to your country.

You weren’t in love with him, absolutely not.

Yet, the curiosity about what his lips tasted like made you want to be rebellious.

“I didn’t think you heard me.” He chuckled softly.

“I did,” You nodded your head against his. Soonyoung didn’t ask for permission to be bad, he just did it. That’s what runs through your brain when your lips meet his. Neither of you move for a moment and you’re afraid that you messed up.

That is until you feel Soonyoung’s hand cradling the back of your neck. He’s tilting into the kiss and you know he’s comfortable by the way his tongue slips into your mouth.

He tastes like tequila mostly, but there’s a hint of sweetness that you suspect comes from the dessert table at the party.

It feels so much better than you expected, now you know why girls couldn’t get enough of him. Even if it is just practice, he still took it far more seriously than you expected.

You haven’t had many kisses that were worth remembering, but this was something spectacular.

You know he’s kissed people far more times than you have, but there’s still a hesitant energy there that you can’t describe.

Did you make him nervous?

He pulls away first and it surprises you. He takes a deep breath and looks at you with tired eyes.

“Just a practice kiss, right?” He whispers.

“Just practice.” You affirm, pulling your head back. You’re not sure why it felt so disappointing to not have another kiss. You were sobering up which made the realization even worse.

“I’ll leave now before you kick me out.” He stands up from the couch and you don’t follow him. He makes it to the door and turns around.

“Don’t stay up all night reading thinking you can fight a hangover, go to bed.” He points at you with a teasing finger.

“Don’t lecture me, Kwon Soonyoung.” You stand up and walk toward your bedroom, ignoring whatever expression is on his face. You don’t look back until you hear the front door shut.

He didn’t say goodbye and that was probably for the best. You didn’t need any other memory from this part of the night to linger in your brain.

You rush back to the living room to lock the door again and sulk back to your bedroom. You eye the novel on your bedside table, you left it there earlier in the day to pick up whether you ended up drunk from the party or not.

Damn, he was good.

—

There were now multiple days, even weeks, between your shared schedules with him, and the more time that went by after the kiss only made you want to see him again.

Of course, he was friendly to you in public, and you were both able to handle public events with ease, but

the timing left you with many questions, and one stuck out in particular.

Why was he nervous to kiss you?

Today, he requested a private schedule for the two of you before he left Maritria early next week. There was a sneaking suspicion that it was the proposal since there wouldn’t be another reason for you to be alone.

He never wants to be left alone with you, it’s all about putting on an act for others that makes it so thrilling for him.

That’s what you try to tell yourself, at least.

“You’re here,” He eyes you carefully as you approach the entrance of the private garden. He’s surrounded by endless blooms, it’s almost suffocating how romantic it’s supposed to feel.

“I’m here because you want me here,” You offer quietly.

“Right, well I don’t want to waste any time. I’m sure my princess has lots of work to do today.”

On any other day, he’d be right, but the underlying suspicion of his true intentions made you want to linger.

He grabs your hand before you have another second to contemplate your feelings.

“I know that I’m not the person you wanted this to be from, but that’s how things have turned out. We both can’t get what we want, but I want to make this a good memory for us regardless of the situation.”

He gets down on one knee before asking. “So, Y/N, will you marry me?”

His hands held a small black velvet box and he quickly opened it to reveal a stunning oval shaped diamond ring. There are definitely more carats than you've ever seen on an engagement ring, and the gold band it sits upon feels equally regal.

It almost makes you sick from how ornate and gaudy it is, but it’s yours.

“You know this is the part where you say yes,” He clears his throat.

“Give me a second,” You mumble. You can’t see his glance, instead choosing to look at the ring. Everything else felt like a game before, but this was real.

He is proposing to you, offering a ring to you to signify a love that wasn’t actually real. That kind of sappy affectionate love you dreamed of would never come to fruition, possibly for the rest of your life.

It’s a realization that is entirely too bleak for the moment.

You’re meant to be happy, but if your parents were here they’d pick apart how long it took you to respond.

“Yes, I’ll marry you,” You force a smile onto your face to appease him. It doesn’t seem like he notices the pained expression within it, only offering a content sigh.

“Great.” He rises to his feet to place the ring on the appropriate finger. It feels like it’s all over now, you can imagine the rest of your future laid ahead of you on a set path.

The thought of taking constant publicity trips as a couple, having future heirs to the throne, and the idea of bringing him into Maritria’s lineage makes you wonder if you did everything you could to save yourself.

There is no out, just you, him, and the impenetrable distance between you both.

You wonder how a couple might build a life with an unstable foundation.

“Should we kiss?” His question brings you back to your senses.

“What?”

“For the camera, we should kiss.” He points to a photographer making themselves known from a nearby bush.

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod.

This is your duty, right?

You pull him close and kiss him, trying to ignite the small spark you felt when he was at your apartment.

Yet, the feeling doesn’t come and you pull away from him gently after a few moments.

“We just need some photos for social media and then you’re free to go.” The photographer reassures you with a kind tone.

You snap into professional mode in order to speed up the process. Your hand rests on his chest, angling it slightly to show off the ring. You force a smile, trying to indulge in the fantasy of it all. Once he gets a few shots of that pose, you turn back to look into Soonyoung’s eyes.

He was unfortunately quite handsome, it’s a shame that nothing else about him could make you happy.

“What are you thinking about?” His questioning pulls you out of your head once again, but you’re not sure what to tell him.

Being honest with him means making a sweet moment uncomfortable, and lying to him means letting your pain continue to simmer.

You go for the latter, to spare everyone a difficult moment. “Nothing. The ring is beautiful,” You shift the conversation with a quiet tone in order to deflect the topic off of you. He smiles widely, his face tells you that he didn’t expect you to like it one bit.

“I let my team take the reins with it since I don’t know you that well.” He responds so earnestly, and you’re not sure if he understands how hurtful that sounds.

You take it in stride though. “Well, it’s beautiful.”

He only nods and takes a moment to adjust his suit jacket.

You watch him brush over the fabric with his hands, wondering how in the world you ended up here. Even if things were different, fate would probably still bring you into Soonyoung’s orbit in another way.

Regardless, it’s enough to make you even more upset. Once the photographer is satisfied with the variety of shots, you’re about to leave when you feel Soonyoung’s hand touch your shoulder.

“Hey.” He turns your body to face him with his hand. You’re not sure how much longer you can stand in front of him without crying.

“We’re still on for this weekend, right?”

You can’t be bothered to remember what he means, but it’s best just to agree. It’s not like you had much of a choice.

“Yeah. I’ll see you then.” You nod at him before leaving. The moment you turn your back, you can’t hold back the stray tears falling onto your cheeks. You can only hope that he can’t hear your sniffling.

—

Now that the proposal news was officially out, your life had an even bigger microscope on it than usual. You’re used to being judged on a public scale, however, there were millions of people who were obsessed with Soonyoung that now wanted to know every single piece of information about his new fiancée.

Your Instagram posts and tweets had an influx of new activity that you could barely keep up with, and the new attention was starting to work into every corner of your life, even the time you spent with Soonyoung.

“Can you tell your fans to stop making video edits of me?” You stuff your phone into your jacket pocket in slight annoyance. You were genuinely trying to enjoy the private dates you had with Soonyoung, even if they were heavily guarded by staff. It was only right that you treated these outings as the dates they were, opportunities to get to know him better in order to connect with him that would hopefully prevent any issues further down the line.

Today, the location of the date was your choice and the staff had elected to leave you alone in light of the proposal news. Thus, you decide to take Soonyoung to a small beach on the outskirts of Maritria’s capital city. You’ve spent many days throughout your teenage years in your favorite spot, a cove in a hidden part of the beach. You figured that it’d be smart to let him in on a few things that you enjoyed, namely one of your most treasured spots in the country.

“That means they like you, and since when are you afraid of attention?” His interest is now piqued as he places his head in his hand to face you.

“Since always, I’m not exactly a Kwon Soonyoung-level attention whore,” You scoff.

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” He speaks in an exaggerated sad tone, accompanied by his pretending to cry. He turns his head to face you, sunglasses attempting to hide the goofiness peeking through.

“Still, I mean this is all a lot. I’m not exactly important enough to warrant 700,000 new followers.” You attempt to redirect the conversation.

As soon as the remark leaves your mouth, Soonyoung takes his sunglasses off. He looks at you with a confused glance, as if your self-deprecation was a personal attack on him.

“What are you talking about? You’re a princess and a genuinely nice one at that. That’s pretty hard to come by these days,” He compliments you. It pulls at your heartstrings very slightly, enough to absentmindedly check for a blush on your cheeks before snapping out of it.

“You wouldn’t know, you don’t see anything past the title before you sleep with these girls,” You attempt to defuse the response again, but he’s prepared.

“First of all, those days are behind me. I’m a proper engaged man now,” His thumb grazes your engagement ring and it sends a chill down your spine.

“And second, that statement is funny coming from someone who’s marrying me for financial stability,” He pokes your shoulder and you move to cover it.

“Correction, my country’s financial stability. You’ll have to get used to living here once we’re married,” You clarify.

“Who said we’re living in Maritria?” He argues instantly. You let out a sigh and try to understand the perspective he’s going to bring up.

“Soonyoung, wouldn’t it be smart to show how much the country’s condition would improve with you here?”

“Yes, but imagine being in Arinorin. The optics of giving you away to the country that saved yours seem pretty positive to me.” He suggests. While idealistic, the perspective is shortsighted. He didn’t necessarily have a shining future back in his home country considering his reputation and lack of communication with his parents.

“Even though you’ll never be king?” You didn’t mean for the question to sound so mean, but it’s true.

He was not the country’s future king, not unless there were dire circumstances that would force him into the position.

He scoffs. “Way to rub it in.” He looks into the distance, not acknowledging your glance anymore.

“I’m just saying. At least here, you’ll have the chance to have more of the public’s attention. There’s nothing to fight over, it’s just me,” You add sympathetically.

There’s a lingering silence that you don’t want to fill for the moment. You can tell he’s mulling over your words by the way he’s looking down at his hands, playing with his sunglasses idly.

“You know, you don’t have to stay there. Not to be that person, but if the idea of staying makes you feel worse, then what’s the point?” You soften your tone in an attempt to bring him back.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” He shakes his head resolutely. You feel your window of opportunity to try and comfort him closing rapidly.

“Ok, you’re right, but I’ve kept up with the news. I know a bit about how my future in-laws have treated you. You’ll be okay here,” You place a hand on his shoulder.

“I think they’ve wanted me to leave for a while, honestly. I’d go somewhere where they don’t have to think about me anymore.” He scratches the back of his neck before focusing on a small tidepool that sat directly below the both of you.

His statement is enough to now squeeze his shoulder, gently rubbing it to show your support.

“I’m sorry.” You offer quietly.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t think being a problem child fits me very well anymore.”

“You can reinvent yourself here if that sounds alright with you?” You offer and he laughs quietly.

He smirks. “I’ll think about it,” His slightly hopeful tone makes you feel at ease.

Any true affection toward him still feels too foreign, but verbal reassurance is a step you’re willing to take if it means your shared future is relatively peaceful.

—

The trips back and forth to each other’s countries were becoming a blur of wedding planning, being present at each other’s public engagements, and trying to get to know each other. It was becoming such a tedious process that any opportunity to rest was taken without hesitation.

The big plan for the current trip to Arinorin was to have a joint dinner with both of your immediate families.

You waited endlessly, but Soonyoung never showed up for dinner. It was embarrassing trying to subtly figure out where he was by going to the bathroom and frantically texting him. When that didn’t work, calls went unanswered until you were forced to give up and return to the table in defeat. He wasn’t answering and you were left to deal with two confused families on your own, attempting to answer questions that you had no answers to. Dinner eventually proceeded with an unyielding amount of attention on you, but thankfully, the rest of his family seemed to accept you.

Yet, it was ultimately embarrassing to attempt to cover his tracks and defend his actions throughout the night.

Thus, your post-dinner plans were to relax in your room and attempt to forget how wild the night had been. A knock on the door interrupted those plans almost immediately.

You open the door to see one of the guards that have been assigned to you since the arranged marriage proceedings had begun.

“Sorry to bother you, princess. I’ve just received word of a disturbance with the prince downstairs that needs your attention.” His tone was especially solemn, so you didn’t want to leave him waiting for long.

“Alright, I’ll be ready in a minute.” You nod at him and thank your lucky stars that you’ve already changed into more comfortable clothing.

With his assistance, you were soon traveling through the endless halls of the castle to find your fiancé. It wasn’t long before he came into view, sitting on a bench with his legs tucked up to his chest, arms wrapped around the front with his hands clasped tight. He was clearly drunk, sighing to himself before looking up.

“Y/N! Hi!” He exclaims, waving at you wildly.

“Fucking hell,” You exhale under your breath. You’re extremely grateful that he wasn’t out wandering the streets, clearly under careful watch by his guards.

“Can you give us a moment?” You look around at the surrounding guards. They nod curtly and dismiss themselves, retreating to a nearby room where they could still intervene quickly if needed.

You turn your attention back to him once the door closes. “Where were you?”

“I was out with Seungkwannie and, um, Seokmin. It was so much fun,” He laughed brightly, eyes almost disappearing from his smile.

“We were supposed to have dinner with our families. Remember?” You hold onto your curt tone.

He shakes his head immediately. “They didn’t wanna see me, they don’t care about me.”

You were starting to lose your patience. While you understood his hesitation to face his family, it wasn’t an excuse to leave you to navigate so many different dynamics on your own. This was supposed to show your families all of the efforts that had been made thus far, and there were plenty of efforts that were beginning to show naturally.

He had become more affectionate in public, it was less uncomfortable to smile at him and speak with each other kindly. It wasn’t real, obviously not, but unsuspecting eyes wouldn’t have known any better.

You were almost visibly in love.

“How about how I feel, Soonyoung? I had to deal with everyone alone, deal with everything by myself. That was so hard for me, but you just ignored it and got drunk.” Your voice was tight, barely allowing yourself to feel anything besides anger.

“I’m sorry,” He sighs before running through his hair. He’s affected by it, as his posture starts to wilt like a dying plant.

“You should be. That hurt my feelings a lot,” You felt the intended venom of your words dissipate on your tongue until nothing was left.

What was the point in yelling when he wouldn’t remember any of it anyways?

Honestly, you were disappointed in him. You had earnestly tried to connect with him, and it finally felt like he was trying to do the same thing. Yet, he let you down. You didn’t ask for much of him and adjusted your expectations for him at every step of the way, but he couldn’t do it.

He couldn’t be better for you.

“Was being selfish,” His pout seems to get deeper somehow.

“Yeah, you were,” You whisper. You finally take a seat next to him on the bench, taking a deep breath. The silence between the two of you almost felt labored, as if the air held all of the emotions you were both feeling at once.

You shouldn’t be babysitting your fiancé like this, that much was true. If he couldn’t even attend a family dinner, what did that mean for the marriage?

“You don’t have to worry about the wedding. I’ll take care of everything,” You mutter quietly.

“What?” He sits up in surprise.

“I can’t trust you, Soonyoung. You don’t care about this and you clearly don’t care about me, so why would I let you plan any part of this?”

“I can try, just let me try,” He pleads quietly. You can feel the desperation in his tone, but you can’t budge.

“I’ve let you try and this is what happens. I don’t know if this is how you picture our marriage, but if this is it then consider us strangers. I can’t do this, not like this.” You can’t look at him as you stand up.

Your body goes into autopilot as you knock on the door where the guards are stationed, letting them out so you can both separate for the night. You gently request for him to be taken home before starting the journey back to your room, wiping away tears that welled up in your eyes without a second thought.

You hear him calling your name, but what point is there in turning around? You didn’t have the energy for drunk pleas and broken promises anymore.

If you couldn’t stop everything and everyone from falling apart, you could at least try to protect yourself from the wreckage.

—

For the first time, Soonyoung hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you.

It never felt good to be ignored by anyone, but getting ignored by you? It had to be a new kind of pain.

Despite his unbothered facade, he didn’t mind your company at all. He quite enjoyed your little quirks, small things that other people probably wouldn’t notice.

In the chaos of your intertwined schedules, there were moments where he’d just look at you to take in your features for himself, and not anyone else.

He loved seeing how peaceful you looked while you slept during flights or the way your cheeks lifted when you smiled. Since he couldn’t have you to himself often, he could hold solace in the smaller moments.

Admittedly, he had been in love with you for a while now, and he could pinpoint the exact moment when he realized it.

He mentioned to you offhandedly that he’d lost a beloved stuffed tiger toy as a kid, but he’d accepted the loss and attempted to move on. He didn’t think you’d remember the anecdote, much less do anything about it.

Yet, you handed him a silver gift bag while on a flight with him.

When he unwrapped the tissue paper to the sight of the exact make of the tiger he had, his heart momentarily stilled in awe.

“I found the original manufacturer and they still make them. The certain model you had is a collector’s item now, so it took a little while to find but it wasn’t impossible.” You explained everything calmly, your hand propped your head up on the armrest of your seat. You lazily smiled at him as he admired it in his hands.

“This is very kind of you, thank you,” He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

His parents hadn’t thought of trying to replace it for him after all these years, and he surely didn’t expect it from you. The gesture is just so romantic, even if you just wanted to write it off as simply a nice thing to do.

He didn’t cry until he was alone after the day’s activities were finished, realizing just how important it was to him. You were so nice, much nicer than he deserved from his future wife given his standoffish behavior.

There was no reason why he couldn’t confess his true feelings to you at this point. The wedding was fast approaching, sooner than he’d like to admit.

Details about the ceremony were quickly ironed out between your shared staff before he could think twice about asking, and you held to your word that he wasn’t allowed to get involved in wedding planning.

He didn’t remember much from the night you found him drunk, but it was clear that wedding planning was off-limits and you were extremely wary of being alone with him. Thus, he had to make his apology meaningful, and he couldn’t wait until after the wedding. He was determined to mend the relationship before you walked down the aisle.

He started by sending you various bouquets, all carefully chosen by him.

That was a kind gesture, right?

He thought so until he saw you throwing one of the bouquets into a dumpster from afar.

All of his apologetic texts to you were swiftly ignored as well, forcing him to switch gears completely. It was clear that you were subtly hinting at an in-person apology, which was daunting but not impossible for him to do.

He hadn’t been back to your apartment since the night of the Youth Summit Ball, a major oversight on his part. Yet, he figured there was no better time than the present to start taking things more seriously.

He held the bouquet of white and red carnations tightly in his hand, fingers playing gently with the paper wrapping as he sat in his car.

He was optimistic that the rain would hold out until he was hopefully let into your apartment. Yet, he ignored the raindrops periodically hitting his raincoat as he walked up the stairs to your brownstone.

The moment he knocked on the door, it was as if the universe decided to fuck him over. The occasional raindrops turned into a full downpour, and he scrambled to figure out what to do with himself. There wasn’t any awning to hide under, so he attempted to conceal the flowers from the rain, unzipping his jacket enough to sit the damp bouquet on his chest before zipping it up again.

It felt like a lifetime before you opened the door, and the sight of you rendered him speechless.

This was the first time in so long that he was facing his fear of resolving the neverending conflicts in his life.

“Hi.” He smiles despite your unreadable expression.

“Hi,” You were confused, rightfully so. After passive-aggressively sending indirect apologies, he decided to skip everything else and just show up.

“Are you busy?”

“No, but I don’t think I have a choice,” You move to the side so that he can enter your apartment. He takes the cue and makes himself comfortable in the living room.

“These are for you.” He hands the flowers to you, and the hesitancy is clear on your face.

“You aren’t giving up on the flowers, are you?” You ask with a judgmental tone. He doesn’t feel completely deterred when you place them on the dining table instead of throwing them out.

“Well, these are your favorite.”

“This doesn’t bail you out, you know.” You give him a knowing look.

He sighs, steadying his breath before speaking. “I know, and you deserve an apology for everything.” When he notices that you're focusing intently on his words, he feels confident about continuing.

“I know that I’ve made you feel isolated, and I’m truly sorry for that. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this, and I want to make this marriage work. You deserve to marry someone who’s willing to admit their mistakes and grow with you. I’m ready to be that person if you want me.” By the time he finishes, he knows that he was completely honest with you. He’s wanted to be upfront with you for so long, but it wouldn’t have been worth it if he didn’t express himself properly.

You let out a contemplative sigh. He could tell that you didn’t want to reject him, it’s as if your face was processing his statement just as swiftly as your brain.

“As much as I appreciate this, I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage.” You said.

He swallows lightly, but he’s still understanding of your perspective. He knew that he had to lay everything out for you before it was too late.

“Who said it was loveless?” He says.

“What?”

The revelation seems to catch you off guard, but it's not surprising to him. Soonyoung is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and this kind of confession feels completely out of his emotional range.

“I love you, and I should've told you sooner. I regret not proving that you could trust me, and you have every right to not have any faith in me.” He walks toward you, internally pleading that the lack of distance will help you change your mind.

“I do have the right,” You mutter under your breath with a chuckle. He lifts your chin slightly with his finger, forcing your eyes to meet his again.

“I will prove to you every day for the rest of my life that I love you.” His eyes are completely sincere, showing that he’s willing to provide the romance that you’ve been grasping for. He can tell that you can’t let him in this easily, he has to earn you completely.

“Every day?” You question him.

“Every single day,” He reiterates. He means it too, his mind was already thinking of dozens of ways that he could start making it up to you.

“That’s pretty tempting, honestly.” You tilt your head in curiosity.

“Anything holding you back?”

“I don’t think so. You just can’t keep coming into my apartment soaking wet anymore,” You scrunch your nose at his appearance and gently tousle his hair, earning a giggle from him.

“That wasn’t planned. It was pretty romantic though, right?” He can’t fight the smile that spreads across his face as he asks.

“A little bit. I forgive you, by the way,” You admit.

He exhales and runs a hand through his hair with shaky confidence. He couldn’t be certain of your decision, so the relief he feels at your words is palpable.

“Does that mean I get to see all the spreadsheets about the wedding now?” He knew he was testing his luck by asking, especially because the process had been under lock and key even before restricting his access to wedding-related documents.

“Yeah, it’ll take some stress off my back. It’s giving me headaches just thinking about everything coming together,” You rub your forehead and close your eyes for a moment before looking back at him.

“You’ve been stressed like this and you haven’t told me?” He frowns.

“I was mad at you, so all my other feelings just kept building up. I’m sorry,” You shake your head, immediately covering your face with your hands. He pries them off just as quickly, pressing a kiss to the palm of your hand.

“It’s okay, love. I am more than willing to help you, I promise,” He nods eagerly with a grin.

“Okay. I like that name, you know,” You finally crack a smile and his own smile widens.

“Figured you would.” He’s leaned closer to your face, but there’s enough space to move away in case you reject him. “Can I kiss you?” He asks gently.

“Please,” You whisper.

It’s all he needs to complete the distance between your lips and the feeling of you is almost overwhelmingly beautiful. He’s so lucky at this moment, feeling your hands push his head deeper into the kiss. He was too cautious last time, but now he’ll never take another kiss of yours for granted, not when it feels this good.

He would do anything to make sure you felt loved and cared for, no matter how long it took to earn your full trust.

—

“I just need a moment alone, if that’s alright?” The question comes out a bit shakier than you imagined, but you can’t seem to quiet your nerves. Your wedding day has already taken you on an emotional rollercoaster despite not going down the aisle yet.

As you view yourself in the gown that you meticulously picked out along with the detailed hair and makeup that took hours to complete, nothing looks out of place.

Yet, your heart feels unanchored.

Your relationship with Soonyoung was getting better every day, but it seems like it was all going a little too well. Even though your relationship was transforming from a state of emergency into a promising romance, it was all catching up to you at the moment. Your mutual efforts to improve your relationship had been fruitful, giving you both the confidence to get married without feeling insecure.

You wouldn’t regret it, right? You needed to be certain that you wouldn’t.

“Of course, Princess.” Your head staff member agrees without question before exiting the room along with a few team members who were assisting you for the past few hours.

Your brain can only think of him. The tradition of spending the night before the wedding apart from each other felt more like torture than anything else, as you’ve come to appreciate his comforting presence next to you. In the last few weeks leading up to the wedding, he’s made such a genuine effort to intertwine your lives together that spending time apart felt futile.

A knock on the door breaks you out of your trance. Before you can ask who’s there, Soonyoung’s voice fills the silence.

“Is it a bad time?” His voice makes your heart flutter before you can even look at him.

“You can’t see me before the wedding, it’s bad luck,” You attempt to fight the smile on your face but you don’t allow yourself to look at him.

“Even if my bride has cold feet?” He presses on, his footsteps quietly approaching you.

You turn to reveal yourself to him and his face lights up.

“They’re not cold, they’re lukewarm,” You smile coyly at him. He grabs your hands and scans your body with wondrous eyes, his gaze seeming to land on every detail of the dress before meeting your eyes again.

“You look so,” His voice trails off. You’re sure that you can read his mind, he’s practically grinning from ear to ear. It makes you feel a bit shy, you can feel your cheeks heat up from his complimentary words.

“You’re really inflating my ego here,” You shake your head gently, but the feeling of his hand grazing your cheek pulls your gaze to him. Despite your best efforts, it’s still hard to fight the inner voice that tells you that he doesn’t mean it, that he’s only saying it because it’s something you want to hear.

Yet, his responses are just unflinchingly earnest that it makes you wonder why you ever felt that way in the first place.

“You just look so stunning,” His voice begins to shake before he clears his throat, “I just can’t believe that you’re mine.”

You were certain that you’d never seen that much sincerity in his eyes up until now, but it started to quiet the lingering fears that still sat in the pit of your stomach. He was absolutely smitten with you, to the point where his smile didn’t go away while you were talking to him.

“You can’t cry yet, you have to save it for the cameras.” You chuckle in an effort to push away his tears, but his eyes were still glossy.

“I can’t help it. You’ve worked really hard on all of this and it’s coming together so well,” He sighs with content. Honestly, you needed to hear that it was all worth it, especially from him. Although he’d been offering reassurance more often than not, the sentiment felt different knowing that you were minutes away from getting married.

“I wanna kiss you so badly, but I can’t fuck up my makeup.” You pout. He instinctively places his hands on your shoulders, moving them up and down to make you feel grounded with his touch.

“We can kiss, you know. There are no rules to any of this.” He attempts to get you out of your tradition-focused mindset with a low tone. You do want to indulge him though, considering that this was the first time you'd been alone with him all morning.

“Just go below the mouth.” You nod and he smirks, immediately placing his lips on your jaw to see how you’d react. It pulls a soft moan from your throat, and your reaction encourages him to go down your neck, leaving kisses wherever his lips can find skin. You started to let go of the responsibilities lingering over your head and focus on your fiance’s tongue leaving open-mouth kisses on your cleavage.

He’s practically doing everything but undressing you and his eagerness makes it harder to pull away, but you have to.

“Babe,” You whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Later,” You have to hold onto your resolve or else you’ll give in, and you can’t let your first time be in a dressing room.

“Later?” His eyes perk up like an excited puppy. The implication of the consummation of your marriage feels daring, it will serve as the reward after dealing with the decadent fanfare of the day.

“Yes, later. I promise.” You nod and he somehow looks even happier than before he walked in. He focuses on your lips but leaves a kiss on your cheek instead.

“I’ll see you out there, okay?” He presses one last kiss to your palm before heading towards the door.

“Okay,” You wave him off and watch him disappear with a smile on your face.

It’s clear that you don’t have anything to worry about.

—

“You’re sure that you don’t wanna come in with me?” Soonyoung calls from the pool.

“Yeah,” You nod with a hand placed above your eyes, acting as a sun visor since you couldn’t find a hat to put on.

You were two days into your honeymoon, tucked away at a small island resort that mostly isolated you from the outside world.

The wedding had thankfully gone far better than you could have imagined. He stopped you multiple times throughout the reception to tell you how beautiful it was, how happy he was to be in the moment with you, and how well you planned it all. It was a day that felt sun-soaked, enveloped in a love that was starting to soften and lose the sharp edges that had restrained it before.

Despite all of the kind attention from family and friends throughout the day, it was evened out with the constant presence of staff and castle officials that made it all a bit overwhelming.

Thankfully, the honeymoon began the next day and you’d have to force all responsibilities out of your head for the next week.

“You’re thinking about something, probably too many things,” He assumes correctly.

You scoff and turn away for a moment before facing him again. “You can’t be this good at analyzing me, we’ve only been married for less than a week.”

He laughs before swimming closer to the edge of the pool to meet you. “That’s my job, angel.”

“But you’re right, I am thinking too much about you moving in and all the press stuff we have to do,” You’re rubbing at your temples just thinking about how much effort it’s all going to take.

“Hey, look at me.” He calls out softly. You reluctantly place your hands at your sides, trying to take in his words.

“You’ll have plenty of time to worry about this, but this is the only time you’ll be on your honeymoon. Hopefully,” He shows his teeth and it succeeds in making you laugh. He smiles back at you before continuing.

“So maybe we can swim together if you’d like?” He tries again, knowing you’ll say yes. You take one last sigh and nod.

“Yeah, just give me a second.” You take your coverup off to reveal a solid black bikini he hadn’t seen yet. You discard the coverup on a nearby chair before turning to face him.

He eyes you for a moment before you clear your throat. “Slow down, loverboy, we’re supposed to be swimming!”

“Just admiring how beautiful my wife is, that’s all,” He bites back a smile but ultimately lets it show. You walk down the pool stairs until you’re swimming next to him. He only stares at you for a second before pulling you in for a kiss.

You’re caught off guard, letting out a small squeak when his tongue slides into your mouth but you give in to the feeling soon enough. You let your fingers card through the back of his hair, pushing yourself further into the kiss. You feel his hands wander across your ass and you let out a moan.

“Just wanted me in here so you could fuck me?” You whisper, finally pulling away from the kiss to catch your breath.

“You caught me,” He whispers back and proceeds to kiss down your neck, not hesitating to leave marks that force moans out of your throat.

“For fuck’s sake,” You sigh. You didn’t need to have control right now, you didn’t want it when he was making you feel this good just by kissing you. You thank your lucky stars that the vacation house is somewhat isolated because you can’t pretend to hold back the noises you’re making.

He picks up on this and presses his erection against your thigh, causing you to hold your breath. “Where do you want me, sweetheart?” He asks quietly. Your train of thought can’t even start because he’s staring right at you, brushing his thumb against your lip.

“Chairs,” You mutter. He bites his lip and turns to look at the unoccupied beach chairs lined up near the sliding glass door that leads back into the house.

“Okay,” He nods. He leads you back to the pool stairs before taking your hand and helping you out of the water. You both don’t think about drying off before he sits you down onto the chair, pulling off your bikini bottom without a second thought. You watch him with spread legs, taking in the sight of his glistening chest and abs. He seemed just as eager as you, taking off his swim trunks in the blink of an eye. The sight of his cock makes your head spin, so you force yourself to make eye contact with him.

“Are you okay, baby?” He asks earnestly. He must not know how hot he is because you’re rendered speechless. His freshly dyed black hair is slightly spiky, and it doesn’t help when he runs his hand through it. It all just goes to your clit, and you’re certain that the pressure will make you explode.

“Yeah, I’m good,” You force your mouth into a smile to replace the incredulous look on your face. He nods and settles into the space between your legs, quickly spreading hands across your thighs.

“Have I told you how pretty you look today?” His eyes are practically dripping with lust, but you want to let him know that the feeling is mutual.

“Yeah, maybe for the 100th time today, but you look even prettier,” Your compliment comes out a bit shy, but it still makes his eyes light up.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” He lets his thumb graze your clit and you whimper. He lingers there for a few more moments before dragging two fingers down your entrance. He ponders for a moment before pushing inside, and the new sensation makes you cry out. The angled position of the chair makes his movements feel even more powerful, and his fingers gliding against your tight walls already have you in shambles.

“It’s not possible because you’re the prettiest person in the world, and I get all your cute noises to myself, right?” His question makes the coil in your stomach harder to ignore.

“Yeah,” You moan. He leans in for a kiss, capturing your lips easily while thrusting his fingers even deeper. How does he know your body like this? Sure, you’ve made out a few times but he's never touched you like this before.

Maybe it’s the anticipation that’s causing him to show out like this, he’s trying to impress you because of how long you’ve had to wait for this. You let your arms drape behind his neck for a moment before clutching onto his back.

You hear him moan from the scratches you leave on the expanse of his back, you savor the noises as they start to blend in with your moans.

“Gonna cum,” You breathe into his ear. He can tell how tense you are around him, and your eyes are becoming frantic from the impending pleasure.

“Just relax baby, take a deep breath, and let go for me. I know you can do it,” His encouragement lets you cum immediately, arching your back off the chair with a soft grunt escaping your lips. Your orgasm washes over you all at once and his fingers only slow down a bit, allowing you to feel every single bit of pleasure that he could pull out of you.

You take a few deep breaths and focus on his eyes once again. You start to register his face again as he strokes your cheek. “Are you ok? Are you up for more?” He asks hesitantly.

“Yeah, I just didn’t think you’d get me like this so early, that’s all.” You cover your eyes with your hands for a moment before looking at him again. He has you so shy that you can barely look at him. It’s hard to admit to yourself that you haven’t cum like that in a very long time, but if he’s making you feel like this so early on into the marriage, you don’t think you’ll ever be disappointed.

“Well, that’s good. I just wanna take care of you,” He reassures you sweetly. His eyes are so full of love that it makes your heart pound, swallowing in anticipation.

He meant it when he said he’d take care of you, he had barely let you do anything for yourself since you arrived at the vacation house. It was so adorable that you didn’t have the heart to stop him. It was nice to let him live up to his promise of showing his love for you instead of constantly feeling distrustful of his actions.

Of course, there would eventually be moments where you’d disagree or argue with each other, but it wouldn’t be out of spite like before. You’re lost in thought until he presses a kiss to your cheek.

“Where’d you go, pretty?” He whispers, his face now a few inches away from yours. It somehow makes you even more flustered than before.

“Just thinking about how much I love you,” You admit with a smile. His eyes widen at the confession and you burst into a fit of giggles.

“You love me?” He asks in surprise.

“I love you.” You state it confidently. You mean it too, and it feels so easy to express it to him. You knew you loved him since the wedding, he cried at the sight of you walking down the aisle and it helped you realize his sincerity. He seems to let the words settle into the air before giving you a response.

“I love you too. It feels good to say that,” He laughs at his own confession. With a mutual confession out in the open, the air somehow feels lighter.

“Can I show you how much I love you by fucking you properly?” He asks. You can only laugh and nod your head at how sweet it is.

“Not out here though. I need you in bed right now!” He exclaims, sweeping you up into a bridal style hold. You let out a scream before bursting into laughter, you can only let yourself get carried back into the house without protest.

----

“Fuck, right there, please,” You whimper, eyes screwed shut. The feeling of his cock stuffed inside you was indescribably good, it was nearly enough to make you cry. Once he got you on the bed, he wasted no time filling you up and easily pulled moans out of your throat.

He pressed your legs up to your chest, making sure that he was completely inside of you. You quickly learned that your husband had incredible stamina, and you were definitely gonna cum again sooner rather than later.

“You’re so good for me, my love. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought of having you like this,” He whispers in your ear. The sound of his balls slapping against your skin brought something primal out of you, you just want to suck him inside of your walls even deeper. You were barely holding on, but he kept pushing you even closer to the edge.

He leaned down to leave marks in the crook of your neck, leaving a hand free to fondle your breast. It was as if he combined every possible move just to drive you insane and it was working.

“Gonna cum for me, sweetheart?” His voice is laced with something even deeper than lust, it almost felt demonic the way he asked you.

“Yes, please let me cum, please,” The words spilled out of your mouth, your voice was shaking along with your body. He was practically rocking you back and forth with the impact of his cock, hitting that particular spot deeper every time.

“Go on, then. Cum for daddy,” He grants you permission. The nickname makes you flood his cock, screaming again as your orgasm takes over you. He pulls out in time for you to squirt on his cock, leaving you even more surprised than before.

“Holy shit,” You whimper. He looks so pleased with himself, but also shocked that he was able to push you that far.

He lets you both recover for a few minutes, but you know he hasn’t cum yet. “I’m kinda close, baby, is it alright if I-?” He asks, but you don’t let him finish.

“Of course. I already miss your cock, to be honest,” You let yourself smile and his eyes are already blown wide by your response.

“You’re insane, you know that?”

“You made me like this,” You hit his arm playfully. He slides his cock into you again slowly and he watches your mouth fall open slightly at the sensation.

“I did,” He smirks at you, relishing the sight of how fucked out you look just from him staying still.

He picks up the pace, trying to focus on getting himself there. It didn’t seem like it’d take much just from how intensely he looked at you.

“Gonna let me cum inside you, baby? Should I get you pregnant like this?” His questions felt sinful in your ears, but you were too gone to care. You felt pressure building just from that, and the thought of him breeding you felt exciting.

“Yes, please, I want it,” You whine. He felt so deep that you could feel it from your head to your toes. Every single part of you felt overwhelmed by his cock and his relentless pace.

“Good girl, daddy wants to fuck you like this all the time,” He moves to kiss you sloppily, but it still feels heavenly to have him in your mouth. It wasn’t much longer before you felt his body tense beneath you.

“Are you close?” You ask breathily.

“Yeah,” He grunts. He grabs your hips and fucks into you even harder than you remember, the pain radiating from your thighs forces a tear out of your eye but you know it’s helping. He doesn’t warn you before he cums, and the sudden warmth inside of you makes you moan louder than you expect. He finally falls beside you and lets you both recover for a few minutes in silence. You could easily fall asleep like this, both of you laying haphazardly under the covers while his breathing steadies your own.

“Y/N?” He calls your name and it startles you. You struggle to keep your eyes open at the sound of his voice.

“Oh no, I scared you,” His voice is much quieter than before, lulling you back into a state of calmness.

“No, I’m okay, I promise,” You turn to face him, rubbing your eyes gently.

“Ok good. We’ve gotta clean up now, alright?” He softens the blow of the question by kissing your forehead. It still feels foreign to let him take care of you, but when you see how gentle he is, you don’t feel the urge to take control.

It’s enough to watch him go through your suitcase, observing how his eyebrows furrow while trying to decide what shirt you might want to wear.

You decided that he didn’t have to prove anything else to you, ultimately, you could see how pure his heart was, and it would be doing both of you a disservice to let assumptions of character control the course of your relationship.

You’re attentive enough to follow his cues while he’s dressing you or helping you up to the bathroom, but your mind is consumed by him.

“Doing okay, love?” His question pulls your head toward him. You adjust your posture in bed as he approaches you, climbing into the bed beside you.

“Better now that you’re back,” You hum lowly, leaning your head onto his shoulder. You take a deep breath, taking in the feeling of his skin against yours.

His body vibrates as he chuckles. “I’m glad you’re alright. I was thinking about something while we were in the bathroom,” He leans into your touch slightly, enough to make your eyes flutter shut.

“What’s up?” You accept his inquiry.

“I think we should take the kids here one day when they’re old enough,” He explains it as if it’s fate, and you can’t help but smile at the thought of him being certain that your shared future is meant to expand in so many different ways. You can’t picture yourself being pregnant for a long while, but the idea of building a family with him feels right to think about.

“We’ve fucked once and you’re thinking about our kids,” You tease him in a lighthearted tone, but you hear his nervous laughter.

“It’s just a thought,” He waves his hand gently.

“It’s a very nice thought, you’re really sweet,” You finally raise your head to look at him. You let your hand caress his cheek before kissing him gently. He accepts you immediately, and you let yourself linger on his lips for a few moments before pulling away to look at him.

He searches your eyes, focused on figuring out what you’re meant to tell him. You can’t think of anything profound to tell him, any extravagant sentimentalities you might’ve conjured up don’t make their way out onto your lips.

“I love you,” You whisper. Your feelings are buried too deep to let them all out now, but it’s enough to tell him this. You feel the pressure in your chest lessen the moment he smiles back at you.

“I love you so much,” He mumbles the words against your lips before kissing you, love seemed to radiate from his lips the way he was holding you against him. The day unfolded into the evening, time passing languidly as you were enamored with each other.

As you fell asleep with him holding onto your waist, you realized that sweetness had made its way into your life before your very eyes. The limitless potential between the two of you no longer strikes fear into your heart, but instead sustains you in new ways.

There would be time to flesh out the dynamics of your relationship, determining how you’d show up for each other in loud and unspoken ways, but the present feeling of safety that sat in your chest was enough.

Neither of you was perfect, but the act of showing up and being willing to grow with each other was enough.

You are both trying, and that is more than enough.

[ms-lirio]

"You hurted yourself. Again."

"I guess I should say: I am deeply sorry."

"Do not act so reckless, Alfred."

"—Promise. And you should take a rest, you look tired."

"I am fine. Do not worry about me."

I have MANY pending books to read, whether diaries, reports, story books, Brazilian Pracinhas and Nurses and much more.  But to save time, I decided to just read a few quick articles to prepare this post.

All pointed here is in a historical view.

Brazil was officially the only South American country to send troops to the conflict under its flag.

Historically, Brazil's actions prevailed in Italy.  It was where Brazil sent its troops, and its participation in the war was delayed as Brazil wanted to maintain its relations with both sides and remain neutral throughout the conflict.  After German and Italian attacks suffered by Brazilian ships, Brazil gave up its neutrality, siding with the Allies.

American military bases were built in the Northeast region of Brazil and Brazilian troops received American training.

"In 1939, with the beginning of the Second World War, Brazil remained neutral, in continuation of President Getúlio Vargas' policy of not defining itself by any of the great powers, only trying to take advantage of the advantages offered by them. Such "pragmatism " was interrupted at the beginning of 1942, when the United States and the Brazilian government agreed to transfer air bases on the island of Fernando de Noronha and along the north-northeast Brazilian coast to receive American military bases (if negotiations had not result, with Vargas and the military insisting on maintaining neutrality, the US had plans to invade the Brazilian northeast, codenamed Plan Rubber).”  (WIKIPEDIA)

"Natal, the capital of the state of Rio Grande do Norte, in northeastern Brazil, has a very important strategic global geographic position. This fact made the city host the two main American military bases during the Second World War: the Naval Base and Parnamirim Field – at the time it was the largest US Air Force base on foreign territory.”  (WIKIPEDIA)

// Getúlio Vargas flirted with the Fascist ideology even tho, he went to ALLIES' side. 💀

HCs: (don't take them too seriously)

⚠️ Remembering the following content: we are still talking about Hetalia, so my HCs and lore are not absolute truth, but my perception of my oc's participation during the conflict.  Even though it has a historical basis behind it.  And also, this is historical fiction (ofc, it's hetalia).  WWII is an extremely sensitive topic to many. I ask for caution, I will be careful with what I have to say.

— Alfred used his charm and charisma to make Mayara fight alongside him (Good Neighbor Policy). What worked and they formed an alliance based on a mutual exchange of interests.

— Mayara had developed a strange feeling that intensified for Alfred (something between admiration and wanting to be like him, a complex feeling, which perhaps was confused with platonic love and which sought certain privileges in that alliance), even if she was reluctant to give end her neutral stance towards the conflict (something similar to what happened in WWI).  She would later do this after torpedoing of vessels by German and Italian submarines, retaliation due to Brazil's accession to the Atlantic Charter;  thus, she broke ties with the AXIS and declared war on Italy and Germany.

— In my universe, Mayara also served as a nurse, and spent most of her time with Alfred, often tending to his wounds.  Sometimes just chitchatting together or learning about militarism and things like that. He trained her. He was the one who supported her.

— I changed my conception of another topic, which was May's direct participation on the battlefield.  I think that Mayara, in addition to serving as a nurse, also fought on the front line when necessary (due to the fact that she was the representative of Brazil) and needed to be on the front line.  In my former HC she didn't go to the front. (I disagree with the 2021 me xd).

—  I don't believe that Alfred reciprocated any kind of feelings for May. She was an important piece for him, and so he courted her, to secure a new ally.  It was a benefits relationship.

— Besides Alfred.  There were FEW times where dialogues with England took place, this was due to the participation of Anglo-Brazilians on the English side (if I'm not wrong, in the area of ​​aviation, but I need to delve deeper into the topic).  An almost tiny interaction compared to the prevalence of Alfred's actions, which was immensely greater and also generated impacts.

PS: I don't ship BrAme/AmeBra, they are just friends.  However, Mayara, as I said, had strange feelings for him at some moments in history (I was reading an article about diplomacy 🇧🇷-🇺🇸, I realized that Brazil had a greater interest in getting closer to the USA for economic and regional power, that is, an admiration that aimed for benefits/just as the US aimed for strategic support/Mayara would support Alfred in anything, as she thought she would get support in return).

I used the word "courtship" as it was stated in this old History book (which I no longer have).  Alfred... used his charm against May. Lol.

Evidence of a strange obsession with Alfred:

Meet the United States of Brazil:

(I showed this damn flag to my dad he got disgusted lmfao)

[transmasczeroone]

On coming out as trans:

I live in a very middle-class, Christian, conservative area, so I was bracing myself for the worst when I decided to come out publically to my co-workers and customers. (I work in a restaurant/bar that attracts a particular demographic: Imagine middle-aged ladies coming to brunch, older men coming for a pint after work, families bringing their children and dogs, most of them white, wealthy, and cishet. For context, I'm also 5 ft 4, and pre-everything, with a gender neutral name that leans towards the girly side, at least in my country.)

The first co-worker I came out to was a low-level supervisor, a gay cis guy in his 20s. He was a bit confused at first, had to ask a lot of questions to understand exactly what was changing, but ever since then he has been unconditionally supportive. He volunteered to tell the other managers that I'm trans, so I didn't need to go through the stress of that conversation multiple times.

The rest of the managers/supervisors (all cishet) at some point or another said that I can go to them if customers or other staff bother me (which hasn't happened at all), and all get my pronouns right most of the time, and are quick to correct themselves when they don't. They even go out of their way to use affirming language - one of my co-workers realised one day that that were no women on shift at the time, turned to me and said something about it being a boys' club and included me in that category. They celebrate my small wins, and the big ones, everything from "nice haircut!" to "ohmygod you're going on testosterone soon?? I'm so happy for you!!"

One of the managers - a cishet woman in her 50s, and the one I expected to have the worst reaction - asked a lot of questions to better understand me and offered to introduce me to her friend, who is also a trans man. This is a big deal to me, because I don't know any other trans men in my area. According to my co-workers, she's better at getting my pronouns right than almost anyone else.

Another cishet guy I work with is in his 60s had to ask what my he/him badge meant when he first saw it, and now he always makes a point of getting my pronouns right, especially in front of other people who she/her me based on my appearance or who need a reminder.

The male customers I serve on the bar tend to ask what the badge means (although some prefer to stare at it in confusion and not comment at all). My usual response is, "It's to remind people that I'm not a girl, since a lot of people think I am," which omits a huge chunk of the truth, but isn't a lie. I've never had a bad response, though.

When I explain, they often say, "Wow, I never would have guessed you were a man" (ouch, dysphoria) and apologise genuinely and quite profusely for calling me "she" or "sweetheart" or whatever earlier in the interaction. They're eager to assure me that they meant no disrespect. Some even notice the badge and apologise without having to ask what it means. Nobody contradicts me, nobody is sarcastic or thinks I'm joking, and nobody has ever said anything transphobic to me or asked invasive questions. Some get confused and sort of gloss over my explanation, but nobody has been hateful. Sometimes they seem to accept me as a cis guy, other times they're clearly aware that I'm trans, but it doesn't affect their response either way.

The worst thing I've encountered is customers who see the he/him badge, blatantly ignore it, and then misgender me throughout the interaction. Not ideal, of course, but far better than what I was expecting.

This entire experience has reminded me of a time I read in a comment somewhere that transphobes are a very vocal minority, that transphobia feels like it's ramping up recently because transphobes know they're losing the war and are screaming in a desperate attempt to be taken seriously. They're scared that all their fearmongering and hatred is, in fact, getting them nowhere. Maybe there's some truth to that.

As I said before, I live in a conservative, middle-class area, and there are no queer bars, bookshops, etc. for miles and miles, but there are at least 3 churches within a 15 minute walk of my house. And in the 5 months I've been out publically, the worst transphobia I've faced from a co-worker or stranger is just them not using my pronouns until corrected.

I'm not saying don't be careful when you come out. I'm not saying that things always go well. Sometimes they go awfully, and I've had my own bad experiences.

What I am saying is that my faith in cis people has been restored to quite an astonishing degree, that sometimes people can surprise you in wonderful ways, that there are people out there willing to accept and respect us, and sometimes you find them where you least expect them.

[echantedtoon]

Ocean Deep Ch7 A Slight Change In Planning P2

"Akira?! What are you doing here?!"

Akira was here?! I'm the shop?! In front of you?! NOW?! WHY?! WASN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE HALF WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY ATTENDING A FUNERAL?! Why was he back here?! He wasn't supposed to be back so soon?! You stared in shocked silence at the handsome man in front of you as he stared back with a lazy smile on his face. Mrs. Satoshi looked bewildered at you and it wasn't until then that you snapped out of your stupor-

"I mean-" You quickly cleared your throat and forced a smile. "Akira! It's so nice to see you again!" You smiled wider and tried to relax making you look as casual as possible. A hand coming up to rest on your cheek as your head tilted. "What brings you here? I thought you were going to help with your grandfather's estate in the city?"

He seemed surprised when you addressed him with a smile. Eyes going wide before he smiled again. "My father and uncle are still settling things. Turns out my grandfather had more debts than he let on so it's been a few weeks of settling things and paying them all back. Unfortunately my Uncle was worried about my poor Aunt so they sent me to take care of the family business here." He shrugged holding up his arms lazily. "Family drama. Am I right?"

You slowly nodded trying not to sweat under the anxiety rock dropped on your head. "Oh..How nice of you. What brings you to the shop though?"

Again he shrugged. "My aunt seems to think she lost something in your store." His dark eyes looked your form up and down before not so discreetly looking around the front of the shop behind you where a lot of the already grown plants were. "I figured I'd stop by and take a look around to ease her worries."

"Yes. About that.." Your boss rose a brow, hands on her hips as she looked at him. "She has been awfully rude to me and making demands to return something to her but refuses to tell me what exactly it is she wants. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to give something back if I never stole it in the first place and when I don't know what it is."

The man fell silent before turning his thinned smile over his shoulder at the woman. "Ah yes. As silly as it sounds, she seems to be under the impression that you took a couple...pet fish from her." Your body instantly froze. Akira chuckled a bit. "It's really a funny thought-"

"'Funny?' Young man, I don't find harassment, stalking, and being accused of theft 'funny'!"

He held up his hands immediately. "No disrespect, Mrs. Satoshi. I don't really think it's funny either. That's why I'm here to fix the issues. Auntie just gets paranoid easily. If you could just let me have a look around to ease her worries, I would be so grateful."

Mrs. Satoshi huffed staring down Akira with narrowed eyes. "I have nothing to hide!..But if it'll make her leave my store alone then go ahead!" She shooed him off. "You won't find any fish here. You can believe that."

Akira's smile only widened. "Thank you, Mrs. Satoshi. I promise you won't even know I'm here."

Your gaze followed his form as he turned on his heel and slowly walked around you towards the end of the large room. His eyes looking over everything with the calculation of a fine artist and his head slowly turning from side to side. You both watched him walk until he got to the end of the room until he stood in front of the closet door before he gave a small rotation of his shoulders- Without warning the door was yanked open by him so fast that it made you both flinch. He stood there a long moment looking at a broom, mop bucket, a few extra plants pots- CREAK. The door was slowly closed before his body turned back on both of you. Face neutral..Until his eyes turned to a second doorway that lead to the greenhouse connected to the shop and where all of the supplies and everything else was stored. A smirk was given towards both of you before he turned again hands in his pockets. Step after step your heads followed as he walked right up to the door and smirked at it. At you both like he won something. Before the door was quickly opened in the same fashion as the first...You saw when his smirk turned to surprise seeing nothing but rows of growing plants, stacks of fertilizer bags, and such other things-

"Well I hope you're satisfied with your little hide and seek game." Mrs. Satoshi frowned upon him before pointing out the front door to him. "Now I'm sure there's not going to be anymore trouble since clearly I don't have whatever Ms. Henya wants."

Akira stood silent for a moment before inhaling slowly and giving a stiff smile back her way. "Indeed. I guess my aunt is getting a bit confused in her old age." The door was stiffly closed. "You'll forgive us for all the trouble you endured."

"I think it'd just be best if you leave." She never stopped pointing at the door. After a few  more seconds Akira stiffly walked his way to the door. "And tell Ms. Henya she still owes me a hundred for the rose bushes. If she doesn't want to pay, then she has until the end of this month to return them before I come to collect."

Akira said nothing to that, only walking to the door creepily silent and boring his eyes into your boss's. You turned your head to look at her too to avoid looking at heim in fear he'd see any guilt on your face. Keep calm. Act casual. Don't show anything that could give you away. You didn't dare look away from the scowling face of your boss until the little bell  above the door rang out signalling he had left. A breath you were holding escaped your mouth and your body felt like a wet rag dunked in ice. 

"Good riddance. I don't know what's gotten into that family but whatever it is they had better straighten themselves out." Your boss huffed and turned to grab a small tree sapling with a bag tied around it's roots. "Y/n, come help me with these apple tree saplings. Ruki Arago will be here any minute to collect them."

"Y-Yeah. Sure."

This was bad. This was definitely, ABSOLUTELY BAD! It's one thing to have a crazy old woman skulking around looking for a trio of mermaids, but now you have to worry about Akira also stalking the town?! And on top of that there was the matter of your entire plan being thrown out the window. If the rivers were overrun with fishermen desperate to escape the terror of the sea, then it'd be too dangerous to just release them into said river. It was starting to look like the only real option was to take them to the sea directly and release them there. 

But...HOW?! 

You had no horse. No wagon. No nothing. And it's not like you could just carry them all the way there! They were a lot heavier than they looked, and it would be way to far! Not to mention it was at least a month on foot and two weeks by horse. You didn't have enough food for you and three mermaids. You weren't sure what you were going to do but you couldn't just keep them in your bathhouse forever. It wasn't good for them in the long run and sooner or later someone was bound to find them. Then it would be all over. Until then you decided to just continue on with what you've been doing for now and hopefully things would be better soon. 

"Thanks for your purchase, Y/n. It's always good to see you again. Try to stop by more often. Ok?"

The young woman smiled at you and you smiled back at her taking the small hunk of meat wrapped up in paper. "Thanks, Takano. Is there any meat scraps or chunks ready to be thrown out available?"

She nodded her pretty brunette hair matching her eyes. "Yep! Just like you asked. You're the only ones that wants all that stuff. It's a few days old." She grimaces scrunching up her face in disgust. "I dunno why anyone would bother."

"Well it's not bad, and if you cook it it'll still be fine to eat."

Takano cringed harder, sticking out her tongue in a yuck way. "Not for me! I'd rather die than let that meat touch my mouth." Shaking her head the brunette backed away pointing behind her. "I'll go get it, but it's on you to haul it away yourself."

"That's fine. Saves you all the trouble of getting rid of it yourself."

She gave you a strange look but left quickly. Once she was far away enough you sighed and reached a hand up to run your temples. How pitiful. Scraping up scrapes and scrounging for hand outs and anything else you can get your hands on just to feed yourself and three extra mouths. You weren't sure how much longer you could just put up with this stressful way of living. A scraping noise sounded out as a large basket was dragged along the floor nearly overflowing with what looked like random parts of meat. Steaks, a chicken leg or two, a few fish cutlets, ribs- Everyone else around you took a moment to stop and stare as Yuki dragged it slowly one foot at a time over to where you were standing. With a final grunt and a look of disgust she dropped it off at your feet. Embarrassment washed over your figure in waves feeling everyone stare at you like a spectacle. You didn't entirely blame them. You'd probably stare too if you saw someone just drag off days old scraps like a poor begger who couldn't afford anything. With an embarrassed and shameful feeling, you just shoved the fresh package of meat you bought on top before just grabbing onto the large handle and pulled- Holy crap! This thing was heavy. One pull up barely lifted it off the ground! What ended up happening was you struggling to pick it up a few inches off the ground, and shamelessly waddling steps towards the door. 

"Come again, Y/n!"

Yeah. Knowing how much those mermaids eat, you'd definitely be back for any more scraps. You continued waddle-walking in shame towards the doorway ignoring everyone else around you. As soon  as you got home, you had to cook up ALL of this before it did actually go bad. Waddling more and more towards the door you had gotten to it and kicked it open only to slam it partially into someone.

"Ow!", a man's voice shouted out.

"I'm so sorry!" You looked up. "I didn't mean-.." You froze. Staring at the person in front of you in horror. "Akira?!"

Akira hissed reaching one arm down to rub where the door made contact with his leg, but stopped when he saw you. He stared at you, looked at the basket awkwardly in your hands, then back to you...And then smiled. "Well..If it isn't the pretty flower lady?~ Fancy running into you here."

Darn it all! Why'd you have to run into the last person you wanted to see now?! Ever since his little visit three days ago, everything seemed to have settled down somewhat. Mrs. Henya hadn't been around since then, but you still had that awful sinking feeling. And now you had the misfortune of running into him here. Great. There was no way he didn't know about the mermaids his family imprisoned and was planning on doing who knows what with them! It made you just dislike him that much more.

"Oh. Sorry, Akira," you apologized politely keeping your true feelings hidden. "Excuse me. I need to get this all home."

You made to nudge past him but a hand on your basket and him leaning in way too close for comfort stopped you. "Now what are you doing with all this meat?" He rose a brow and smiled wider at you. "A healthy appetite for such a young lady.~"

"I-..I'm going to dry most of this for the wint-ter," you lied giving a tug on the basket, "With the lost revenue and things being so tough lately, it's good to think ahead." 

He hummed. "I agree. That's smart thinking. But you look to be struggling you poor thing. Such a delicate lady isn't used to carrying so much weight. Let me help you.~" With one yank he was easily able to lift the basket out of your hands and up into the air away from your outstretched arms. 

"What?!" Your stomach dropped in horror. "No. Really it's fine-" You went to grab it-

He held it farther from your reach. "I insist.~ You need a hand being a delicate flower.~"

You wanted to argue. Maybe kick him where the sun didn't shine and make a run for it. But there was a crowd of people around you. It might look suspicious to suddenly be hostile to Akira, and then your friends -

"....Thank you." You gritted you teeth outwardly annoyed however your face didn't seem to detour the smiling man. 

"After you, Flower.~"

You visibly cringed at the nickname. What followed was the most awkward walk of your life. You stiffly walked the ten minutes from the butcher's to your house looking straight ahead and not saying anything to the man walking next to you. The entire time you felt Akira's eyes boring holes into your head the entire way back. You never felt more relieved than you did seeing your front door so close to you. You stopped in front of the door and turned to him so suddenly it caught him off guard from the sappy, Dopey lovestruck look he was giving you the entire time. 

"We're here." The basket was yanked from from him, making you stumble from the weight all of the sudden in your hands, but you firmly pulled it towards you. "Thank you for your..help but I can take it from here. You can leave now."

He blinked. "Oh. I can help you bring that in y'know-"

"No thanks." Using a foot, you slid the door open before stepping back and dragging the large nearly overflowing basket in before standing back up in the doorway to stare at him. "You can go now. Have a good day,  Akira." You made to close the door. 

"WAIT!!" His sudden shout startled you into jumping and looking at him as he shuffled. "Look. I know we don't know each other a whole lot but I got a lot to offer." He started holding up a hand and rubbing his neck with the other as you just stared. "My family has a good business and I come from a pretty successful line."

"Akira, what are you getting at with this?"

"Would you possibly consider a marriage with me?" You stared at him. Mind going a blank as he hopefully smiled at you. 

"After what I've seen of your family?" You frowned at him harder. "Akira you of all men are THE farthest thing I'd ever want my husband to be. We are never going to be compatible. You should look elsewhere if you want to find a wife. Try Old Lady Rayko. She's a matchmaker after all. Now if you excuse me, I have a lot of meat to cook before it goes bad."

His shocked face was met with the door closing in his face and the distant sounds of grunts and a large basket being dragged away from the door. Three heads looked at each other in the next few rooms over shuffling in frustration.

"HOW DARE HE?! HE'S GOING TO TAKE Y/N AWAY AND WE'RE NEVER GONNA SEE HER AGAIN!!"

"Pipe down snails for brains! Do you want her to hear us eavesdropping?!"

Suma whined when Makio shoved her head underwater to shush her cries. Hinatsuru sighed again shaking her head and making her sparkly earrings away. 

"Now stop that. If you don't stop fighting, then she'll really hear you."

"HE CAN'T HAVE HER!! HE'S CRUEL AND DOESN'T DESERVE HER!!" Suma pouted sticking her cheeks out.

"I agree." Makio stunned them both with her sudden agreement but she pointed at them. "What? It's not like you two weren't thinking the same thing for a few weeks now. Let's just take her with us."

"Well there's an underlying problem with that."

"What's the problem? We all like her don't we?"

Hinatsuru sighed harder. "Well here's the thing. You both like her. I like her. But the question is will Kyojuro and more importantly Lord Tengen like her?" 

Both fell silent at that.. before Suma spoke up. "I'm sure they will! We just have to get them to meet her first! Tengen is sure to love her! She's 'flashy'!" 

Neither of the others had time to answer her when footsteps approached and a moment later you opened the door with a smile. "Hey. Dinner's going to be a little late tonight since I have to cook it, but on the bright side I have enough food to last you three for the next three days. I just wanted to let you know."

Hinatsuru smiled brightly at you. Unbeknownst to you the scheming they were going to have that night. "Sounds wonderful. Thank you."

You were quickly running out of food at this rate. The only things left in your pantry was jars of jelly and pickled vegetables and soon those will be gone too especially since it turns out Suma really liked downing jelly from your jars with how sweet it was. The scraps and leftovers you managed to scrape up will help you but not in the long run. Not with the shortage of everything thanks to that merman driving everyone away and making prices rise and everyone panic. Just this morning you saw a family packing up to move away from the seemingly doomed town. And all of this was the fault of the Henyas. Their greedy actions weren't just hurting your friends but the entire town of innocent people too. Something had to be done soon. You just weren't sure what yet.

"I'm going to go fish in the nearby river." You announced one day to the three. "There's probably not a lot of everyone else is fishing in there already, but I'll probably be able to catch enough for you to eat."

"Alright. I feel a storm in the air. Be careful and come back before the storm hits."

[paranoidandroidofficial]

Ants from Up There is genuinely the best album of the 2000s [including the 2010s and 2020s] (with 1 exception)

This is the second-best album of the 2000s, beaten out only by a life-changing transcendental experience in a cd case trying to be an album (LYSFLATH by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Listen to it. right now. it's so good.). I could ramble on for HOURS about how great AfuT is, but I wanna keep it brief, so I wanna look at it from a few angles: The album itself, its competition, why I think this beats the competition, and what could beat it.

The Album

Ants from Up There is a 2022 post-Rock album made by the British band Black Country, New Road. It's about an hour long, it has 10 songs, and it's an emotional masterpiece. I will make a more detailed review of this album someday, but here are my main pros about it, and my only con.

It only has 2 lackluster songs, and even then, one of them is an intro track, and the other is a break song and a line of demarcation to separate the great songs from when the album goes sicko mode, so I really don't have an issue with them being there.

It actually has a semi-remedy for what would normally be insane tonal whiplash with how different "Chaos Space Marine" is compared to the rest of the album, and that is by putting it as the second track, after an intro track that sounds similar in tone and energy, so that way, it feels like it and the intro are in its own little duo while the other 8 songs are their own separate thing. it doesn't completely solve the issue, but it makes it easier to put up with :)

the concorde comparison actually makes sense when you look into it. Concorde was a plane model that cost billions in the late 60s and 70s to produce, and only amounted to about 20 planes ever being made, and they only saw it through to the end because they had put so much money into it already that it would be more wasteful to quit. That's what Isaac means when he compares his relationship with a woman to Concorde; he's already sunk so much time and resources to this relationship that it would just be a waste to suddenly quit. I think it's pretty clever.

the music is so fucking good. like, no joke, this album has some of my favorite musical moments in recent memory, like the first chorus of Bread Song being in free time (basically saying "fuck time signatures, and fuck bpms" and playing without them), the insane drumming during "Snow Globes", the piano during "The Place Where He Inserted the Blade"... the everything in "Basketball Shoes". I have more to say about that last one specifically.

The lyrics are so strong. I normally am neutral towards relationship stuff in songs, since I don't truly understand the nuances and stuff of relationships, and therefore, can't really relate or get most relationship songs on first listen. If I do, they're either sledgehammer blunt, or I can tie them to something not explicitly related to relationships, or I'm completely wrong. This is sort of an exception. I say sort of an exception because while I didn't really fully get the lines on my first few listens, I was certainly able to understand the general mood of the lyrics, and that mood was unbridled pain as a result of heartbreak, and while heartbreak is something that I don't relate with at all (can't get your heart broken if you've never been in a relationship before. Haha... im such a fucking loser), and therefore, doesn't really get a reaction out of me most of the time... this was absolutely an exception, because here, you can tell that this really hurt him, and it hurt him badly. It also doesn't hurt that Isaac Wood is just an incredible songwriter in my opinion.

All of the last 3 tracks. Just everything about them. Especially Basketball Shoes. That riff during the first part, the ending of the second part, that intermission between the second and third parts... the third part in general. Isaac Wood's vocal delivery during that last part is insane. It is so fucking good. No complaints.

The only con I have with the album is that it can somewhat feel a little lop-sided. Not in the sense that 1 side is all bangers, and the other side is nothing special, but the first half of the album is still great, but that second half is the stuff of legends, and honestly, I kinda wish it were a bit more even... but if it were, then there would be an alternate timeline where I complained that the album never takes a break, because i am never truly satisfied with the media i am given and i need to bitch about something. This is mostly just a nitpick if anything, because like I said... this album's back half is the stuff of legends.

The Competition

[BTW, im only counting albums from after october 2000 to before February 2022, since the actual best album of the 2000s imo was released on October 2nd, 2000, if I remember correctly, and this album was released on February 5th, 2022.]

To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar: Let me get the one that'll piss off the most people out of the way first. I don't think TPAB is better than AfuT for 1 simple reason... there are skippable songs on TPAB. Now, there are 2 skippable interludes on AfuT, but the thing is, I never skip them, because Intro fits as an extended intro to Chaos Space Marine, and Mark's Theme lets me know that this is when shit gets real. On TPAB, here are the skips that I consistently skip, or consider skipping: For Free? (Interlude). I love this song, but I think it's an understandable skip. These Walls. That intro is why I skip it sometimes. Mortal Man. Once Kendrick finished reciting the full poem, that's when I just call it quits, and say the album's finished. Momma. On a bad day, the drums might get on my nerves. But that's not very often. For Sale? (Interlude). barely an interlude, but it's like an interlude in 1 sense; when i see it, my natural instincts make me press the skip button. Yeah, that might be all, and most of the time when I do stuff like listens for reviews, I don't skip these, but if I'm doing it casually, then... I might skip these! Can't say the same for AfuT, where I normally don't skip a single song! I will admit that TPAB is actually pretty close to matching AfuT.

In Rainbows - Radiohead. the only thing I can really say is that I just like AfuT more. No intricate reasonings, or any of that. Just... I like it more.

The Glow pt. 2 - The Microphones. This one is the closest one on this list. This one is very similar to AfuT lyrically, and I'd even say that The Glow matches AfuT lyrically, but AfuT easily beats out the Glow musically. I like the music on The Glow, but if given the choice between indie folk mixed with a dash of noise rock and some of the best post-rock ever committed to tape, I'm choosing the latter before you finish saying the question.

To Be Kind - Swans. Honestly... I can't really say why I like this more than To Be Kind. I guess I like Isaac Wood's voice more than Michael Gira's, but To Be Kind also has some killer music, and some great songwriting (not on the level of AfuT, but still great), so... I guess I don't really know why I prefer AfuT. I just do.

Deathconsciousness - Have a Nice Life. Simple answer... the lyrics on AfuT are just better in my opinion. The lyrics on AfuT really make you understand the pain that this breaking relationship has been causing Isaac, while the lyrics on Deathconsciousness never reach the highs that the lyrics on AfuT reach at some points... maybe except for the last verse of Earthmover, but all of Earthmover is damn near perfect.

Teens of Denial and Twin Fantasy - Car Seat Headrest. AfuT is better musically, but that's not the only reason. Teens of Denial's lyrics read like an angsty teen trying to understand his feelings and cope with them, while Twin Fantasy's lyrics are about the LGBTQ experience. Now, I understand the lyrics of Teens of Denial, since I'm currently going through the process of understanding and coping with my emotions, but I'm... not a member of the LGBTQ community, even if I support it, so I think of Twin Fantasy as just a love album so I can understand it just a little better... but AfuT's pure heartbreaking lyrics are more emotional, and just better written in my opinion, even if I respect Teens of Denial and Twin Fantasy to a similar degree.

What could beat Ants from Up There?

Now, this album is my 4th favorite album of all time, and so let's take some aspects from the albums that already have beaten it.

from (dark side of the moon), an infinitely replayable quality. While I've heard AfuT like 6 times at this point, I'm not sure if it'll hold up like dark side of the moon has, so just in case it doesn't, this is here.

from (ok computer), a dangerous level of nostalgia and personal importance. OK Computer got me into music, and the only album that's ever beaten it is literal musical perfection, so I feel like this dangerous blend of personal importance and nostalgia could be key to making the ultimate "Ants from Up There-repellant Spray".

from (lysflath), make the music sound straight out of heaven. Like, genuinely transcendental music. stuff that sounds like a sneak peek of heaven itself.

now onto the stuff that isn't on any of those albums... more balanced tracklist. make each half as equal as you can.

and lastly... have at least 1 vocal delivery that's on par with, equal to, or better than the vocal delivery on the last part of "Basketball Shoes".

Anyways, in short, Ants from up There is the best album from the past 2 decades, and BCNR have solidifed themselves as one of my favorite bands.

[xiao-kisserr]

summary: it can be hard sometimes, you lose your role as the next ruler for your kingdom or you fall in love with your guard, sometimes both

featuring: cyno

notes: shld be 100% gender neutral, if there's any gendered terms pls tell me so i can fix them! not proof read at all,, so there's probably mistakes somewhere in there, most likely ooc cyno, royal au!

a/n: kinda feel rushed idk... not my best work for sure, i feel like the plot switched many times but it is what it is ig 😕 but i hope this is okay for the collab 🙏

collab tag: @cynzcir

length: 2,224 words

━─━────────━─━

the morning you had woken up to was anything but pleasant. expecting to awake to a lovely morning where you'd learn more about what it would take to be a suiting ruler to your kingdom, since you are, or were the next ruler, but instead you were met with a talk from your parents, telling you to find a lover so that the country would finally have a fitting ruler for it.

you were shocked, and frustrated upon hearing this, did your parents not think you were suited for the role, did the citizens of the land think so? did everyone expect you to simply accept this notion, to cast aside your learnings and find a partner, to hand them the role instead? were you expected to simply sit by your lovers side? smiling and nodding like a dumb fool who knows nothing? 

at first you had blatantly rejected the thought, there was no way you'd accept it, but your parents didn't listen,  casting aside your thoughts on the matter as they handed you a list of possible suitors before leaving you. 

the rest of the morning went by as a blur, servants and maids coming in and out to give you your clothes for the day, dressing you up to be fit to see your first possible lover, both a woman and man coming in with 'tips' on how to woo women and men. you scoffed, this really was no joke, you really were being cast to the side and labelled 'unfit for ruling' .

the last preparation for your meeting was the most surprising. a man walked in, with white hair contrasting his darkened skin. 

the man bowed and introduced himself, "i am cyno, majesty [name], i hail from the desert and was appointed as your bodyguard whilst you meet your suitors" he introduced, standing up to look you in the eye. "your first suitor is waiting in the palace gardens, prince derek" cyno began walking towards the door and you suddenly ran in panic to block the door. "wait" you spluttered, "excuse me but this is all too sudden, first of all i would ask for some background information on the prince, and second of all, what about you? do you expect to sit down beside this prince derek and i as we chat?"

"prince derek comes from the land of mondstadt and works as a knight in the knights of favonius, his father is a big figure within the knights and is a relative from one of the big three clans in mondstadt, the lawrence clan" cyno infomed, "and i will not be sitting beside the both of you, i will be nearby ready to strike if the suitor does anything possibly harmful. i'm simply there as a precaution. now excuse my behavior, but we must go to meet prince derek"

you stayed blocking the door, you were not going to give up so easily. "i do sincerely apologise for making your job so difficult right now cyno, but i simply refuse. you can't expect me to accept this so easily do you?" you pleaded, trying to gain a little favor from the man, but cyno's eyes stayed the same, he stayed looking at you with the same poker face. "your parents, the king and queen, did say you might not go with so easily, but your majesty [name] they implore you to meet the suitor, and the king's words are the law" 

you sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, "look how about we make a deal, however unprofessional this may look, i will go meet my suitors and after five minutes you will escort me out claiming something was wro-"

"forgive me for interrupting you but i decline, like i stated before the kings word is the law and i must abide it, you must go meet prince derek, in the gardens now" you looked at cyno and knew you were fighting a losing battle, biting your lip you stepped aside and allowed the man to open the door to lead you outside. glumly following cyno, there was a silence as you walked down the palace steps towards the gardens. "is there any chance to-" you started before cyno shut you off, "prince derek from the land of wind an freedom, sits at the table under the apple tree, i will be nearby ready to escort you away the moment you call for me, no questions asked" cyno bowed as he opened the door to the garden. you inwardly smiled as you whispered a small, quick "thank you" before walking towards your first suitor. 

"ah there you are, [name]. i thought i'd have to wait longer, which really shouldn't happen, i mean i am from the lawrence clan afterall, i have ladies and gents lining up to meet me" the prince stated, grabbing your hand to kiss it. "greetings prince derek, i am as you know [name] and i know the original reason behind your stay is to possibly become my lover but how about we start with simple introductions and build up to the romance?" you greeted, taking your hand away from the man and smiling gently. derek smiled and laughed obnoxiously loud, "of course of course, i apologise for my behavior if it offended you in any way. shall we have a taste of this apple tart? i heard it was made by some commoner but it's still quite delicious" 

you bit the inside of your cheek and glanced at cyno who was standing by a wall nearby quietly. "of course, thie tart is one of my favourites and the baker is a long time family friend, regardless of the family's status" you explained, trying to stop the annoyance and bitterness in your voice from showing. "ah is that so?" derek replied awkwardly. "like i said it's delectable, though the chefs in the lawrence clan could bake a better tart believe me, i could show you it sometime" 

"that won't be necessary, i don't think we'll see eachother after this" you rejected the offer with a smile, "i apologise but i don't think you're who i'm looking for" you firmly stated as you stood up. "w-wait! please [name] i'm sure we could make things-" derek was cut off with a hand on his shoulder, "the majesty has already rejected you, the servants will get ready a carriage in a short time" cyno said with a stare. derek let out a sound of fear and nodded as a maid came to escort him away. 

you sat down on the bench with a sigh, "how many more suitors must i meet?" 

"there's a list of thirty suitors from all lands" 

you let your head fall into your hands in frustration, you felt tears form in your eyes as you furiously blinked them away. looking at cyno, you smiled, "that's fine, thirty more? it'll be over soon" you replied in fake optimism. 

and so the cycle continued for a few weeks, you met one suitor a day for almost four week and you were tired from constantly smiling and rejecting every man and woman who came.

you currently sat on a couch in your private library, cyno sat on the other end of the couch stiffly. you glanced over at him and laughed quietly. "you do know it doesn't kill anyone to relax for a second right?" you addressed him. "as your guard yes, it can possibly kill you if i relax" cyno replied. sighing, you relaxed your body so that it would sink into the couch more. "what did one wall say to the other?" you opened your mouth slightly, in shock. "what?"

"i'll meet you at that corner"

there was silence before cyno spoke up again, "it's because the walls-" you interrupted him, "no no, i understood the joke, i'm just, surprised i suppose. i was not expecting for you to joke" 

"you seemed tired so i tried lightening the mood. i hope you feel better [na- majesty [name]" cyno explained

"was that a title slip i heard?" you teased, poking cyno's side. "no majesty [name], it was not" you hummed, "i suppose i misheard then" 

again there was silence, but this time, it was a more comfortable one. except you couldn't help but steal small glances at cyno. you couldn't help it, at this moment he seemed so ethereal. 'it's the fatigue talking' 

but that 'fatigue' never left. your parents were in a fit trying to find more suitors for you and they appointed cyno as your personal guard, which made you more closer to him than before. small glances here and there, looks cyno pretended he didn't see. 

it felt wrong. cyno was a guard and you were the next ruler's lover. your future partner was to be a well known figure not cyno, but you couldn't help it. every day you spent more time thinking about your guard, his eyes, how they seemed so red and sharp but up close they were a more orange colour and were nice to stare at. his facial features, oh so handsome you couldn't help these thoughts. his jokes, no matter how awful, made up for the small glimmer in his eyes as you laughed at them. you shouldn't have these thoughts about cyno and yet the more you tried to stop, the more it hit you. 

you had fallen for your guard. but what a sweet guard he was. he'd always be by your side, he listened to your rambles, he let you rant about your parents, your troubles. he was always with you. 

you sat beside cyno as he showed you a favourite card game of his, but you were barely listening to his words, instead you focused on his lips, how soft the looked and his eyes, how they shined while he spoke. 

"are you going to stare or will you actually listen?" cyno asked, snapping you out of your trance. "oh, i apologise, i got distracted" you replied with a faint blush appearing on your cheeks. you stood up and smiled "i need to go to the bathroom, i'll be quick" cyno nodded and you left to the bathroom. while in there you stood by the sink and took a deep breath to relax. 'you mustn't do anything brash [name], relax' taking a few more quick breathes you exited the bathroom and headed back to the library but stopped at the door once you heard another voice alongside cyno's

"you're leaving tomorrow right? back to the desert" the voice asked.

"yes, thank you for the job, it was nice whilst it lasted" cyno replied

"any family? perhaps a lover?"

"family? no, they're long gone and.. a possible lover" 

you took a step back, feeling a small twisted pain in your heart as you heard cyno's answer. oh how you had messed up. a part of you had known this might happen, but you had rejected it, denied it. you refused to believe it was the truth. tears started to form as you stepped into the room, faking a smile.

"afternoon" you greeted, the voice had been one of the servants in the castle, he worked closely with your mother. 

"greetings, majesty [name]. i must apologise, i must go now" the servant said, leaving the room immediately.

you sat down beside cyno and started fiddling with your fingers. there was silence begore cyno spoke up. "why are you crying?" you bit your lip, should you lie or tell the truth? "when were you going to tell me.."

"tell you what?"

"that your leaving, tomorrow"

silence. you tried looking at cyno but he looked away. "i wasn't planning on telling you" he mumbled, "i don't want to cause you any pain" 

you raised an eyebrow, "cause me any pain? you'd cause me more pain by leaving without a word you know" 

finally, cyno turned to you and looked straight into your eyes as hs spoke the next words. "[name], majesty [name] don't act stupid. i've seen the looks you give me, you.. like me. in a different way one would like their guard and, i didn't want to hurt you by telling you i didn't like you the same" 

you laughed, "again, you didn't want to hurt me but what you're doing hurts more. you let me have these feelings, for weeks, let them grow, and you noticed, but said nothing at all. it would've hurt less had you spoken about it earlier but forget it now. don't bother trying to see me tomorrow when you leave, in fact, try to leave as early as possible. i don't want to see you anymore"

you left the room in a hurry, leaving cyno alone. tears fell down your cheeks as you walked to your bedroom. the pain in your heart grew and it longed to be near cyno, to let him comfort you. but he caused this pain and your mind told you if you came back now, you'd be in more pain.

[newtthetranswriter]

Hello! Could I get a Tokyo Revengers & BHA Matchup please?

I’m 23, she/they, 5’4, & ISTP

Pros? I’d say I’m playful, weird sense of humour, talkative, loyal as a dog, great listener, I smile a lot (while ironically having a resting bitch face), sarcastic, and most would probably describe me as either adorable yet cursed or adorably cursed. I’m definitely not a stranger to being called a cryptid lol

Neutral? I’m very sensitive, socially awkward, tend to ramble a lot, I can be a bit of a pack rat (I tend to keep a lot of unnecessary things either out of sentimental value or just cause it think it’s neat even if other people think it’s just junk 🤷🏾‍♀️), and am a bit of a perfectionist (but only towards myself).

Cons? I’m shy, anxious, a little clumsy, stubborn, non-confrontational (unless truly needed which I go kinda overkill sometimes), and can be petty/passive-aggressive

Likes/Hobbies: Playing bass, secondhand shopping, DIY projects, music, art, photography, and horror movies

Dislikes: Being underestimated, my passions/interests being mocked, being interrupted, and...country music? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Fun facts about me:

* Sometimes I write music (mainly just basslines though)

* I once accidentally won an art show (Yes I do mean accidentally. Long story)

* Erm…I used to work at a daycare?

* I once took a trip to Spain and joined a weed club 😎🤙🍃

And I know it’s not necessary, but I also included a pic of myself just in case it’s helpful!

Hope that’s enough info. Thanks in advance!

A/n: Hello, I hope you are having a great day. May I ask how you accidently win an art show? Also you are adorable. Anyway here’s your match up, I hope you enjoy. And remember to hydrate or diedrate.

Tokyo Revengers:  Takashi Mitsuya

Mitsuya is the kind of guy who seems super serious with people who look up to him, but when he’s around close friends and doesn’t have to be perfect he kinda becomes you weird

He would be down to listen to you talk about whatever you’re working on, whether it’s a bassline or a diy you wanted to try

Loves to go with you secondhand shopping because he can get ideas and even material for new designs

Asks for your help with taking pictures of his creations when he finally finds someone to model them

I feel he is also a perfectionist so he understands want everything to be just right, he also knows how to help you take a step back and then look at the project from a fresh pair of eyes later on

If you’re having an off day and he picks up on it don’t worry about being petty or passive aggressive, he’s used to it. Afterall he has been taking care of his sisters and children are the epitome of petty

If you’re feeling anxious he is always there to talk about it, or just comfort you however you need him to

My Hero Academia:  Denki Kaminari

Denki loves your sense of humor though he doesn't always understand the sarcasm

He loves to listen to you ramble on about whatever topic has you going this time

Wants to learn how to do diy’s because damn that’s cool

If you want to watch a horror movie he is down for it just be warned he will likely scream

Will set up times for the two of you to just chill and listen to music and if you want to play him some music you wrote, you better have it recorded because he’s playing it for everyone

I can imagine you guys working together to bug Bakugo as well, like sending cursed memes, not different ones though, the same one over and over at random times to the point he makes Denki short circuit

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

Hi girl! Yeah, I wouldn't mind if you answered me privately or not, haha.

I kind of feel bad and guilty, because I only have criticisms against him here, even though I've seen criticisms on Twitter or a friend who has the same opinions as me.

Yes, Fernando is a Formula 1 driver, I already knew him, but after he dealt with Taylor about everything, I started watching Formula 1 like others watch American football, honestly? I believed that they could have had an affair, because he was the first namesake, after Joe (and Joe made me choose him in any discussion, after he showed support for Palestine), who was linked as a boyfriend or something like that with her. I thought they could have something, but I think he was joking with the fans, who thought they were dating and with the fansx who knew he wasn't with Taylor, when journalists asked him questions, I think that, Fernando liked to know that he was connected with such a beautiful woman, but he never made any disrespectful comments about her, he was one of the few that I never found sexist at all with her, I stopped believing that they had something, with the songs about M*tty.

I've heard, at the very beginning, when she started going to games or when no one knew, if his brother was telling the truth about him knowing her, some fans were misogynistic towards her, I wouldn't be surprised, although I love watching football that the rest of the world follows, the players and fans can be very misogynistic or racist and everything, I remember this, since I was a little girl, so I wouldn't be surprised by this kind of behavior in such a masculine sport like American football.

I thought, you had heard about him talking about going to her show, I don't remember, whether it was in Kansas or another night, he felt like a very hot man, I think in a radio interview, he said that he made friendship bracelets to exchange with her fans and one with his phone number for her, honestly? I think that, from the beginning, he uses her to be more famous, because an American friend who, neutral with Taylor, and loves American football, told me that he was better known in the past, she wouldn't be surprised, if he had said misogynists things about her, but after you answered the anonymous question, I also think she uses him as the same reason.

After that, I was in Pedro Pascal's fandom for a year or almost two years, I don't remember, I think fandoms have a lot of hypocrisy, Pedro's fans pretend to accept everyone, like he accepts everyone, but the history of his life, how old he is, how he was born in another country and being an immigrant in the United States, you understand, why he is so different from other men or people of his generation in having an open mind, but some fans, who are American white or European people don't understand, and they don't accept you, even if you're from the same fandom as them and you're a fan of his, so nowadays, I don't consider myself part of his fandom anymore, especially because I'm a Latina like him, and I'm just an admirer of his work and the person he is.

Thank you very much, but whenever, I make a comment criticizing him or their relationship, I always lose a follow, but how I was treated in Pedro's fandom or am treated, when I criticize how some people, who say they are his fans treat Pedro, I don't bother anymore, if someone didn't agree with my opinion about her boyfriend or their relationship.

Hey girl! You shouldn’t feel bad! A lot of people share your opinion and you’ve raised some really important and valid points (especially about fan culture).

I agree with you that Travis leans on Taylor’s fame and loves this about her. For example, his podcast merch sold out when Taylor wore the cap at Coachella and his brands social media account was updating everyone to know that they were restocking $$$$.

Trayvis fans like to believe that Travis’ behaviour is endearing and romantic but to do so would be to overlook the financial stake he has in this relationship. He profits off of her and we all know it.

However, like you pointed out, Taylor also benefits from being exposed to a new marketing demographic. Taylor and Travis have a mutually beneficial marketing arrangement. It’s what makes their relationship seem so superficial to me.

I also agree with your points on fandom culture. It’s why I don’t really consider myself to be a “swiftie” in the intense fan way. At the end of the day, all we want is to admire art and form connections within a safe community.

[themorguepoet]

Dq is bae huh? You watched one movie and act like you are some diehard kinda fan lmao. If SitaRamam didn't push the hindutva agenda but had a Muslim lead and Hindu princess I am sure you would be crying love jihad. You are telugu so ofc you are gonna act like its normal. Yall are the most gullible lot of the dravidian lands. I am glad that madness hasn't reached Kerala atleast. How many malayalam movies of dq have you watched even? I see none on your blog. Selective fangirling is real pathetic lmao. Also if you were gonna lie atleast make it believable. How does an Indian have pakistani teachers lol? You bringing up nfak is like how white people say "I cant be racist, I listen to black singers all the time"

Yes, dulquer salmaan is bae. You can't be more wrong, I have watched too many dq movies to count, I won't waste time listing them all here. I dont post everything I watch. Suit yourself with the assumptions.

Anon I can laugh off most of your ignorance but Sita Ramam slander is not tolerated on my blog. Tell me you didn't understand the movie without telling me you didn't understand the movie. No I wouldn't have cried love jihad if the movie with the Muslim lead and the Hindu princess followed the exact same storyline EXACT SAME. In that case I would have loved Fatima and Ali the same as I loved Sita and Ram.

I am not Telugu, funny you would assume that although I can see why. If you scroll through my blog though you will find Hindi, Bengali, Marathi, Tamil, Telugu, possibly one Kashmiri post and more. And none of the languages I mentioned are my mother tongues. So keep guessing.

Also, you hating on two entire states and a whole community? The blatant superiority complex and hate towards telugu people radiating in your sentence is so low. To be comfortable in your own skin and not compromise on your way of life isn't madness anon. Decolonise your mind. Kerala is a beautiful state and so is Andhra and Telangana. A lot of Telugu people live in Kerala and many Malyalis live in the telugu heartlands. Both of those linguistic families are a pride for the country so stop with your political divide. I don't even understand why you are bringing such random energy on my blog cuz I have never posted any proper political commentaries on my blog.

I can choose what to fangirl over. If I wanna obsess over dq for a month I will do it. You are probably new. My mutuals know how I post about the one same thing on a stretch for a while and then find something new and keep posting that instead. Selective fangirling isn't pathetic anon, you are.

I did not lie. I don't need to prove anything. Maybe consider that some Indians probably live in neutral countries where they interact with the rest of the world. Hence the pakistani teachers.

Fallacies bestie, all your fallacies are laughable. My point was, I appreciate all things good while taking pride in my own identity. I can post about Krishna and Dulquer salmaan in the same blog.

Your rant was very useless but I wanted to answer it anyways. There's more anons from you but i won't be answering anymore. I will just delete them.

@shut-up-rabert ye lo bhoi, maze le lo

[fishylife]

when i was in middle school i was kind of obsessed with fushigi yuugi but i hadn't actually watched it lol. i was just super fascinated with the fantasy lore.

anyway, i'm finally getting around to watching this anime now. i've just finished episode 12 and here are some thoughts.

miaki is very similar to usagi. however, their paths are not the same. usagi's story line is more to do with using her own power to fight against evil, whereas miaka so far...hasn't really done much. unfortunately she requires a lot of rescuing and her story line is mostly to do with romance.

when i was young i thought tamahome was hot but now that i'm older, i'm more drawn to the interesting pairings rather than individual characters. tamahome is kind of whatever to me right now because he and miaka's relationship is very whatever. it's just them going hot and cold. there isn't really that interesting of an arc to them right. on the other hand, i am far more fascinated with hotohori/nuriko and nakago/yui.

nuriko said that on the inside she's a woman so i interpret her character to be trans. anyway, nuriko's thing at the beginning was that she didn't like that everyone paid attention to miaka and meanwhile, as a consort, she was constantly ignored. i can't tell if she actually likes hotohori or if she wants the power, but i think there's potential between the as emperor and consort :P i don't think it's going to go anywhere because hotohori has said that he's in love with miaka. but idk i feel like nuriko trying to get hotohori to notice her is possibly a cute story line.

hotohori as a love interest of miaka is kind of boring though. he doesn't really do anything other than fight over miaka. he's more interesting as an emperor who actually has to protect the country.

nakago and yui was the other pairing that has potential. it's potentially kind of toxic. it looks like nakago is trying to isolate yui so that she'll stay and be the priestess of seiryu (and won't run away to tamahome or to go back home). on the outside, he acts very loyal so yui thinks she's in charge, but nakago's in charge.

yui being in love with tamahome is kind of weak because she literally saw him for two seconds, so miaka was right to think that yui wouldn't be angry at her for only that. that being said, yui has maintained that she wants to take tamahome away from miaka. i think she just hasn't thought it through and is still resentful towards miaka.

taiitsukun is kind of a weird character. it's implied that she created everything, including bestowing the scrolls upon the characters with the powers? but it's clear that she's acting a mentor to the suzaku seven. i'm just wondering if she's supposed to be a more neutral character.

i will say this series is surprisingly watchable? like i haven't found it grating enough to drop yet. miaka's voice acting is kind of annoying tbh. but i think the melodrama isn't as grating because the rest of the story is moving. we are going places, the lore is expanding. the show is also pretty bingable. each episode covers like two events.

some of the animation threw me off and i had considered dropping the anime because of it. there has been some incredibly lazy animation. there have been many scenes where a static picture is shown and the camera just pans across it so that it's moving. but really it's just a picture. and i was considering dropping it because like, the manga artwork is nicer than this.

i'm kind of team yui right now, not because i think she has a point, but i think that the story and relationships surrounding her are a bit more interesting than the one surrounding miaka.

seeing as how i'm kind of team yui right now, i am hyped to meet the rest of the seiryu seven. i vaguely remember some of them. like were there a pair of twins? my middle school memory is coming back to me lol.

also miaka's brother is surprisingly involved in this? lol.

anyway hopefully i can speed through this anime pretty fast lol.

[absentcaryatid]

San's New Friends

An ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

San makes some friends, including the reader, who help him de-stress from a busy career.

2.3K words, Content note: all tumblr using ages, gender neutral reader, cats, food, cheating is referenced, no pronouns used for the reader, no reader romance, there are characters named Spider and Ant but no actual bugs in the story

~

With a blissful grin, San cooed into the phone, “You know I miss my baby. Can I come over to your place tonight? I can make it quick.”

The other teammates eyed each other as they took a rest break mid-practice. ATEEZ did not have a dating ban, so the conversation was not surprising for that reason. Instead, the concern felt by all of them from Hongjoong to Jongho was due to the knowledge that San's partner was currently out of the country. Dancing resumed, but the mood was uneasy. When the others wearily trudged to the company vans to be chauffeured home, San broke off and headed out on his own.

When he got back to the dorm that night, San was smiling like a Cheshire cat. It did not go unnoticed by his teammates who were strewn about the living room engaged in a multitude of activities. For various reasons from a love of drama on Wooyoung's part to Yunho's concern for their good name as a group, nobody had wanted to miss San's return.

The first to speak, Yeosang commented warily, “You look happy.”

“Yes, very much so. I have a new friend.” San continued to beam as he passed through the room toward the kitchen.

Wooyoung trailed him and watched as San got himself a drink of water. Leaning against the cabinet beside the sink, Wooyoung wanted to know, “Is that all? Sounded like more on the phone earlier. Baby, was it?”

Unreadable, San drained the glass before responding. “Just friends, I promise.”

“With benefits,” Wooyoung snickered.

San laughed. “I guess you could call it that. I even feel like I am cheating sometimes.”

Hongjoong had been listening in. Risk taking sounded out of character for San, so he felt the need to caution, “Whatever you have going on, don't let it blow up in all our faces.”

The other members trickled into the kitchen to keep up with the conversation.

“All our careers are linked, and anything you do can tarnish the name of the whole team.” Seonghwa's serious tone matched the others' worried expressions.

“Whoa! I know that, and really am not doing anything dangerous.” Finally aware of the gravity of their assumption, San began to clear his name. “Here is what I have been up to. You will be okay with it, I promise.”

~

After bouncing around workplaces looking for something that felt meaningful, you had recently landed the perfect job for your skills and interest- manager of a cat cafe. It had been your idea to take on the project in an effort to increase adoptions from the shelter you worked for. With no interest in dealing with the food service part of the cafe, the current offerings were limited to several vending machines, but that did not seem to slow business down any. People generally weren't after the restaurant experience when they visited a cat cafe anyway.

The draw, of course, was the shelter cats hoping to find a permanent home. The playroom side of the cafe let prospective owners interact with cats in a far more comfortable environment than the shelter cages offered. Other people came to relax by playing, petting, or merely watching from the tables. College students living far from their own beloved pet were regulars, and you had recently seen an uptick in their numbers around the stress of finals. Seeing the community benefit from your job gave you a strong sense of pride.

You were pinning another adoption success story photo to the corkboard when a new visitor came in. He looked like a typical college age customer in casual clothes, mask, and brimmed hat pulled low on his face. The man got a can of hot coffee and also made use of the pet food vending machine to get a tube of salmon paste. He was guaranteed to be popular in the cat room with that choice.

First sitting at a table, he seemed mesmerized by the activity behind the glass wall. Some kittens zoomed after each other while the more sedate older residents zoned out with petting and massage from other customers. When you came by to remove trash from the next table over, he asked you about the two Siamese cats.

You tried to hold back talking too much, but it was difficult when he had asked about your favorites. “The bigger one with the gangly legs, we call her Spider, and her brother is Ant since he was the littlest in their litter. I'm hoping they end up in a home together, but at the same time, I am in no hurry to see them go.”

The man who listened happily to your tale of rescuing the orphans from a drainpipe soon became a regular customer very eagerly greeted by the cats due to his frequent purchases of the most expensive treats. Sometimes his visits to play were midday on the weekends, but more often it would be late on a weekday. There were also times when whole months would go by without seeing him.

It was after one of those absences that he came to the door very late begging for five minutes in the cat room just at closing time. With a gesture far more successful than expected, while still outside he took his mask off for the briefest moment to win you over with a show of dimples.

You hoped it was not visible on your face, but you immediately recognized him as Choi San from ATEEZ. All this time, you had had your suspicions when his eyes reminded you of one of your favorite artists, and then the voice too, but to know it was really him left you impressed. San had never acted like a big shot star, waiting in line for the vending machines like anybody else or making friendly conversation with the staff. His humble attitude impressed you.

The long absences coinciding with ATEEZ world tours made sense, and you were enough of a fan to know he had just gotten back to the country today. If letting San decompress with his favorite local cats was a thing you could do for him, you were eager to give this simple gift. “Take all the time you need, I'll be cleaning up and restocking for a while.”

The work went fast as you smiled to yourself. You left San alone, knowing he was there for the cats and some likely much needed relaxation. When it finally came time to move the residents to their cages he offered to assist, and you readily agreed to give him more time with them. It didn't hurt that you enjoyed watching the interactions either.

“Here you go baby, tuck down for the night.” After he put Ant away in his labeled enclosure, San made conversation with you too. “Thank you so much for this time. I have a job that can be stressful and don't get to see my own cat while I live so far from my parents. Tonight really helped.”

You nodded. “You must miss the comfort of Byeol terribly. I wouldn't want the hectic life of an idol for the world.”

San stopped petting Spider who was now snuggled in his arms, purring away. “You recognize me? You didn't freak out.”

Shrugging, and hoping the smile under your own mask reached your eyes, you explained, “I figured you wanted some normalcy. Cats probably make a nice break from effusive fans so I respected that.”

“Thank you. I love being here because the cats like me for who I am as a person rather than my looks or fame.”

When you laughed at him, San took it in good humor. “You win them over with salmon paste! You're gentle with them sure, so they feel safe to be around you, but we both know how well they respond to the customers who spoil them.”

From that night onward, you always got a special head nod in greeting when San showed up. It was clear from the behavior of the staff under your direction that his identity was kept close to your chest. Understanding San would lose the ability to relax at the cat cafe once his visits became public knowledge, you made sure to protect this secret. The two of you were always friendly, but you also made sure to limit your interaction, giving San space to be just like any other cat admirer.

It was right after another concert tour when San returned at closing time with a catnip gift for his favorite nearby cats. When you mentioned Spider and Ant were adopted while he was away, his shoulders slumped. “I hoped to see them again, they really did a lot for me when I missed my Byeol, even if it did feel like cheating on her sometimes to be giving affection to another cat.”

Luckily, you were able to soften the blow with some good news. “Well, if you want, I can take the present home to them, or you are welcome to visit and give it to them yourself. I live nearby.” Suddenly you were hit by how that sounded. “It really is an offer for you and the cats, I'm not looking for anything more from you.”

San laughed, “No worries, being undesired for once makes a nice change. I'm really pleased you gave in and adopted them yourself like you were always threatening to do.”

From then on San would come to play with Ant and Spider from time to time, watching them grow up and calling himself their uncle. He even video called from a tour once because his parents weren't answering to let him chat with Byeol and he really needed some cat time. It soon became clear you were also friends in your own right, the cats alone were not the only draw.

You could tell San felt comfortable after seeing you weren't begging to meet the other members of your favorite group, and could enjoy his company as just a person. He even teased you about it once when he brought snacks for an evening of dramas. Protesting you did like him for far more than being a provider of gourmet smoked salmon, San enjoyed the listing of traits you rattled off as to why his friendship was so valuable to you. None of those reasons had anything to do with his fame or looks, other than the happiness his smile brought you.

Shifting his cat time and friendship visits to the privacy of your home worked well because given enough time, even with the mask, it was a sure thing San was eventually going to be recognized by someone at the cat cafe. Once that happened, with the secret now out and mobs lingering for the chance of spotting a much-admired star, San gave up going to the cafe now that he had an in with you for cat access. Since his association with the shelter run cafe was already publicly discussed online, San approached KQ Entertainment with an idea to help the remaining unadopted cats he had gotten so much benefit from. Since the business was a non-profit, his employers agreed and you greatly looked forward to the project.

The day came and the cafe had a sign out notifying customers it was temporarily closed. Two sedans and plenty of equipment trucks arrived for a video shoot. You held it together far better than your giddy employees as ATEEZ filmed in the cat room. Jongho cheerfully complained but had a soft smile as a cat snoozed across his outstretched legs. Others seemed more at ease, such as Hongjoong who strutted around regally with an orange fur collar licking at his earrings.

In another corner, Yunho and San were splayed out on the floor letting cats walk on them while Yeosang taught a small gray cat to high-five. Seonghwa laughed as the kitten in his arms playfully batted at his bangs. Also true to character, Wooyoung was making recipes mixing together treats from the cat food vending machine to an appreciative audience. And then there was Mingi. The microphone on his shirt picked up quiet words of affirmation to the fat cat named Princess lovingly cradled in his lap, reveling in affectionate forehead scritches and Mingi's soothing voice.

Watching through the glass dividing the animal room from the cafe tables, you were in awe to see how easily San and the others slipped into model mode for the photography session afterward, even with the added difficulty of interacting while holding a cat. The resulting shots designed to showcase each available animal resulted in a complete emptying of the shelter you worked for. The pictures were passed around online, and in no time at all, even the previously hard to place cats had homes with dedicated fans.

The photo of Princess and Mingi in tiny matching tiaras generated the most interest. She was quickly spoken for, however. One of the managers on site that day came back soon after to make her his own to the delight of his family. Thereafter, Princess was occasionally seen around the KQ building on request, but for San she was no substitute for his beloved Byeol, or friends Spider and Ant. Regular visits to those local cats continued, as did his time with you.

San's romantic partners came and went, but your steady presence in his life as a person outside his idol work remained a cherished friendship. When the day came for him to settle down in a permanent relationship, you planned to be there cheering him on. And, should the happy couple wish to add a cat to their household, you would be ready with plenty of suggested feline companions in mind.

~

Masterlist of stories with no romance

General Masterlist

[evilelitest2]

Hi, “tankie" here, and I’m going to be charitable and assume you are well-meaning but ill-informed on your posts. You seem to imply that since American Marxists are critical towards America, they must have neutral-to-positive views on Russia. Not only is this a false dilemma fallacy (acting as if being anti-American and being anti-Russian are the only two, diametrically opposed, options), but is also broadly incorrect. Aside from a few baby Marxists and LARPers, there is a general dislike of the Russian Federation among Marxists due to its leaders (Yeltsin, Putin) being responsible for the illegal and undemocratic dissolution of the USSR. However, you may be confusing something else. As Lenin said:

“For the Socialist of another country cannot expose the government and bourgeoisie of a country at war with “his own” nation, and not only because he does not know that country’s language, history, specific features, etc., but also because such exposure is part of imperialist intrigue, and not an internationalist duty.”

As an American Marxist, it really doesn’t matter if I’m the most pro-Russian person in the country or curse Putin’s name. At the end of the day, the effect I have on the political development of Russia is essentially zero. Rather, I have to trust Russian Marxists to be the ones to shepherd their country in the right direction. Conversely, as an American the effect I have on American political development, while still close to zero, is appreciably more than I have on any other country. Thus, it’s my duty to primarily focus my criticisms on the USA, as it is both the country where my words hold the most weight as well as a country I am intimately familiar with. People who don’t understand this reality may choose to take that as being nothing but an ideology of being anti-American, which is clearly incorrect.

Hello, I hope you are having a good day. The problem with your thinking Friend, is that the world has changed since Lenins time...and also Lenin himself was not the best adherent of that principle. We are in a massively interconnected global community now, and international powers are actively getting involved in other people's politics, you can't just separate one state from the rest. For example, the conflict in Syria directly led to the election of donald Trump, these things are connected.

"Aside from a few baby Marxists and LARPers, there is a general dislike of the Russian Federation among Marxists due to its leaders (Yeltsin, Putin) being responsible for the illegal and undemocratic dissolution of the USSR."

God I fucking wish this was true, but go through the various Marxists blogs i'm arguing with now, so many of them are echoing a pro Putin line, one created from the Russian Federation's propaganda in regards to Ukraine. And it leads to self described communist supporting a far right reactionary anti communist regime. When the default Marxists-Leninist position on Ukraine is inseparable from Tucker's Carlson's position then there is something rotten in your movement

"At the end of the day, the effect I have on the political development of Russia is essentially zero."

You need to pay more attention to Russian politics friend cause that is really not the case

"Thus, it’s my duty to primarily focus my criticisms on the USA, as it is both the country where my words hold the most weight as well as a country I am intimately familiar with."

Your duty as a Marxists is to fight against fascism don't get yourself limited by state borders because what happens with this attitude friend is that you take the typical American Centric attitude towards other nations of "America good, foreigners bad" and just flip it, you wind up with the same basic attitude though. "America bad, foreigners good" is still just as reductivism and America centric, and honestly as toxic. For example, take the 2014 euromaiden uprising, where millions of Ukrainians rose up against there far right authoritarian government and over threw him, something which Marxists should support (and indeed the communist parties in Ukraine did support). Almost any time I go unto Marxist-Leninist sites, they present this as a CIA backed coup which is just...massively insulting to the agency of Ukrainians, suggesting that they don't have any autonomy of there own but only act as extensions of the US. I see a lot of Tankies viewing the conflict in Ukraine with the same blinders that Americans used to view the Vietnam war, not seeing the conditions on the ground or the historical events that led to this, but only seeing it as a front in the global war between communism and capitalism, which is both reductive and self destructive.

Thanks for the polite response though

[noisebcys]

wake up calls | a. knight

summary: in which a surprise awaits you outside your front door at the cost of your sleep (but at least it was worth it).

contains: gender-neutral!reader, fluff, light swearing

authors note: i’m bad at summaries

The sound of pounding on your front door woke you up. Shooting your head up at the sudden disturbance and glancing at the time, you let out a sigh of annoyance when it read 8:13 am. You had only gotten three hours of sleep.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

“Alright alright I’m coming!” You shouted, knowing full well there was not a chance that they could hear you. Whoever it was. You weren’t expecting guests today and there was no notice of maintenance coming so who could it be?

A string of colourful muttered complaints left your mouth as you dragged your feet across the floor towards your front door.

The apartment you stayed in was often quiet throughout the days. Especially with your boyfriend currently travelling the country on tour for a couple of months, this left the home you shared to slowly become drained.

Oftentimes it didn’t bother you. It was just one of the things that came with being in a band but on others you found yourself rereading messages from whenever he could last find the time to hold his phone. You just wanted him back—but that wouldn’t be possible for another week.

By the time you finally reached the door, the constant pounding had begun to give you a headache.

“This better be important.” You muttered as you leaned forward to look through the peephole where an awfully familiar figure stood waiting on the other side.

It was him. Awsten was back.

Shaking fingers fumbled with the locks before swinging the door open, surprising the boy waiting outside in the process, before pulling him into you.

“Holy- hi!” He managed to say as his arms came to wrap around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck as you tighten your arms around his neck.

He laughed at this, the sound slightly muffled by your skin before he lifted his head up to say, “I can't tell if you missed me or want to kill me.”

Finally realizing that you basically had him in a headlock, you let out a small gasp before removing your arms from his neck. Sadness seemed to cloud his expression at the loss of your touch before lightning up again when your hands came to cup his face.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” You asked him, eyes wide with worry that you may accidentally hurt him but Awsten simply hummed as he shook his head. His eyes were closed as he seemed to practically melt into your touch with a content smile on his face that you mirrored.

“I missed you.” He mumbled, finally opening his eyes to look at you but kept his cheek in the palm of your hand. He closed them again at the touch of your thumb caressing his cheek, the action made you laugh

“I can tell,” You said as you pressed a kiss to his forehead before removing your hand from his cheek and wrapping your arms around him. “I missed you too.”

He instinctively wrapped his own around you, bringing a hand up to hold your head as you buried your face in his chest.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, simply holding each other and making up for the many times you wished to be here but couldn’t and it wasn’t until you had pulled away to let a yawn escape that it all seemed to finally click in his mind.

“Oh my god I woke you.” Guilt washed over him like a wave and he had to refrain from cursing himself. You had stayed up until nearly four in the morning talking to him on FaceTime as he—unbeknownst to you—packed his bag to get on the first flight home. That would’ve left you with only three hours of sleep before he began banging on your front door. Shit.

“It’s alright.” Your voice was just a little more than a murmur as you rested your head against his chest, all while he contemplated what to do.

On one hand, he wanted to stay like this for however much longer he could but on the other, he wanted to drag you back to bed and let you sleep. It wasn’t fair that you lost even more sleep because of him (and it wasn’t like he’d be going away anytime soon now). Awsten went with the latter, giving you no warning before scooping you into his arms bridal style and headed back inside. His bags remained outside but he could get those later. For now, what mattered most was getting you back to bed.

Closing the door with his foot, he carefully led you back to the bedroom before setting you down. He had just pulled the covers up to your chin and turned on his heel to get his bags when you reached out for his hand, stopping him in his tracks.

There were no words exchanged between you but it still felt like a conversation was being shared and Awsten understood it all. Shrugging off his jacket, he threw it onto the floor with little regard before getting into bed beside you, letting you adjust yourself so that you were lying comfortably against him.

His bags were still outside and he knew he should’ve brought them in before joining you in bed but he missed this. He didn’t realize exactly how much he missed your physical presence but now that he was here, he never wanted to leave you again.

[lorei-writes]

Basic Guide on How Not To: Slavic Characters

Well, as most of you have probably realised by now, I’m Polish. Truthfully, I am quite upset now. I generally tend to avoid most content involving Slavic people, because well, stereotypes are plentiful and I have only one stomach - there is only so much anger I can fit inside of it. However, this time I was merrily watching an episode of a series, for goodnight sleep, and got smacked in the face with just that... So, I suppose, let’s use my anger towards something - hopefully - productive. This is a very hard post for me to write. It may be closer to my personal experience, although I did try to be more general.

Contents:

Where Do I Even Begin or Sad Slav Filter

Common Stereotypes - Professions & Jobs

Common Stereotypes - Characteristics

Few basic issues with languages & names

Where Do I Even Begin or Sad Slav Filter

Grey buildings, empty plazas, ominous blocks of flats with walls up to the very sky. Snow. Gloom faces. Dark nights. Red. Gold.

To start with, be aware that this sort of image is oftentimes not only written into stories or presented in picture-based media, but that I had the displeasure of seeing it being used for cover art for several books.

What I jokingly call sad Slav filter is presenting the reality of Eastern Europe* through, well, pessimistic glasses. The architecture speaks of terror, of being post-communist state, of never having recovered. The streets portrayed in such fashion are gloom, unwelcoming, threatening in a way. Winter is oftentimes the season of choice, to add an extra layer of depressive atmosphere and cold. Nobody smiles. One may say that usage of gold and red brightens the image - however, those connect directly to the communist flag, thus locking the entire space in a rather obvious context.

The reality?

Yes, old blocks of flats built in 60s or so still exist. Some are even grey and in dire need of being re-painted! However... Many are not in such a state. In Poland, the common colours for elevation of such buildings are white, pastel orange, pastel yellow and pastel green, oftentimes put together in combination of stripes or other geometric shapes. What also should be noted is that such estates were designed with plenty trees and other plants around them in mind, as to accommodate for a development of a community - especially for older blocks of flats, those are most likely situated nearby a primary school and a kindergarten, not to mention stores and other services. It is not uncommon for playgrounds to be present as well. You could also expect small flower gardens.

Parks exist here. Architecture does not begin and end at the blocks of flats, especially not in the major cities - most, if not all, have old towns or historical representative streets. Buildings dating back to medieval still do exist in plenty of places. Churches & Tserkovs - those are oftentimes tourists sites for a reason! 

It may happen that the side of a building will be decorated with a mural. It is not very common, but does happen. Here are some examples (from Poland). The designs sometimes relate to other works of art, or to some forms of traditional art.

mural by NeSpoon, a street artist who incorporates motives of koronka ludowa [a type of lace] into her artwork

Overall, I come from a poorer region of Poland, from a small town to add to that. The one thing I would list about it? Flower gardens. All of my neighbours had flower gardens in front of their houses. In the recent years, I’ve seen plenty of new houses being built, plenty of renovations being made. Especially in spring and summer, it is all far from grey. Some major cities started investing in fields of wild flowers, as to aid pollinators. And winters? Well, the way it should be (as climate change shows and I have not seen a proper winter in a while), they should be snowy. Yes, it may involve a rather depressing image, at least in places where snow cannot just rest over the ground and glitter... But I do think it may be the case in plenty parts of Europe, as winter days are overall shorter as well, which hardly helps :”) Eastern Europe as a region is not locked in an eternal winter.

People may not be smiling, but they are not frowning either - it is the... Neutral resting face.

*- that being said, Eastern Europe is not inhabited only by Slavic people, even if it is often presented like so

Common Stereotypes - Professions & Jobs

List of common stereotypical jobs/professions usually performed by characters of Slavic descent:

a member of a mafia (Russian mafia)

a drug dealer

a spy

a prostitute

a maid / a cleaner

As you can see, nearly all of those involve crime, the only exception being a maid / a cleaner (which, I’d argue, speaks of a lower socio-economic status). If you do not plan to have more than one Slavic character in your work, I advise you to avoid those - especially if you wanted to make your character Russian. I do not think I have to explain why representing a group of people nearly exclusively as criminals is hurtful. 

Certain stereotypes exist in media. They do influence the reality. I have seen covers of books about spy programs (non-fiction, referencing an issue from 2000s) which involved clear references to communism (+ used the most hideous Sad Slav Filter I have ever seen). The title suggested all Russians are spies. This is not okay.

If you want to have a character who is performing any of the above, and want to make them Slavic, but then never have their heritage influence anything about them - ask yourself why.

EDIT: Do allow me to also add that being a sex-worker may not be a choice for all Slavic women. Sex-trafficking of Eastern Europeans is a real issue. You should be mindful of that when writing a story - even more so as it affects some countries more than others. Research is due.

Common Stereotypes - Characteristics

Common hurtful characteristics in depicting slavic characters:

uneducated or otherwise stupid

rude, loud, uncultured, violent

an alcoholic / addicted to drugs

extremely conservative / religious

Do I have to explain it? Yes, alcoholism is a social issue, same as addiction to drugs. Yes, some people are conservative and / or religious. However! We are not a monolith! Social issues are not the general rule! 

Scale of conservativeness and religiousness also differs greatly by age group and region. In Poland we have an entire category of practising atheists - non-believers, usually from smaller communities, who appear in church once or twice a year, despite not believing. Due to social pressure. What religion? This differs greatly too! Roman catholic, Greek orthodox, Muslim? Slavic people are not a monolith.

(about women specifically):

beautiful (must put plenty effort in her physical appearance)

looks for a rich (western) husband

submissive

obedient 

Well. This ties into the greater issue of objectification and sexualisation of Slavic and Eastern European women. Admittedly, such portrayal [including all of those] is more so present in online spaces, if you turn a few wrong corners down the roads of the internet :) It is dehumanising.

If your Slavic character happens to be a woman and must be extremely sexy femme fatal spy - this reeks of stereotypes.

Few basic issues with languages & names

As I’ve hinted already, it appears that oftentimes Slavic = Russian. This, however, is not true, both language-wise and culture-wise. Despite sharing some common elements, Slavic cultures do differ. Polish characters, unless they are 50+ years old, won’t generally speak Russian. Czech and Ukrainian are different. Ukrainian is not just another version of Russian.

I decided to single out this paragraph for one reason: authors oftentimes do not bother to check for appropriate names and just use whatever seems right. If you want to write a Slavic character, do make some research. 

The common mess-ups I’ve seen:

inappropriate form of the surname (about Russian surnames in particular; giving a woman a male version of the surname, giving a man the female version of the surname - Slavic languages are heavily gendered!)

claiming a character is of nationality B, while giving them a surname which is most definitely speaking of nationality A (e.g: Polish character with a clearly Hungarian name & surname)

wrong spelling

using very rare forms of names for all the characters written into the story (it sounds very unnatural - in one particular case it seemed to have been done on purpose, as I’ve had to google whether some names were even names. They were used as code names for few organisations during WWII. That sort of uncommon).

nicknames derived from the actual names that would not work at all (Żegota -> Zeg; It just would not work like this. It would be literally more likely for a character named Żegota to be nicknamed/renamed Staszek than for somebody to call him Zeg. It does not only not include the ż sound, but it also ends with g - which a Polish person would simplify to k when speaking. In other words Zeg -> zek. This, meanwhile, is not only not exactly pleasant to say, but it also sounds like a grammatical form of another word, albeit pronounced with a heavy lisp - “river”; It is possible to find appropriate nicknames online).

Also, unless you want for some character to be a dick, do not make them purposefully mispronounce the name of a Slavic character or have them name them after an object/thing. (Calling “Maciej” by “Magic” because they can’t be bothered to learn to pronounce the name or at least try to get it close is not nice).

[nightferns]

The Third Variant to the SootCraft Fundy and Wilbur family drama that Maybe Accidentally Started it

So yesterday me and @bigbraveboop came to the conclusion that C!fundy had an arc in early early L'manburg that we were kinda unaware of. And it cracks the case of... how the family drama started. And also is why is this exists

C!Tommy was the catalyst of the c!Fundy | c!Wilbur family drama in S1 and i promise i have proof

all /rp

So what does Fundy repeatedly say is his biggest gripe with Wilbur currently and multiple times after his death? Well:

“You were there for me for a very very long time and then when i needed you the most, you skedaddled fuck the out of my life and died. Because of what? L’manberg’s causes, huh? You thought that was- You thought that was justice? You thought that was good for me? You left me, man.’

“The dad that- my dad that exploded himself for the sake of a country, just for that country to be demolished in future hands?-"

“He put me to priority number 2, man. He put me in the second place.”

So its about L’manburg being more important than him to Wilbur.

Now lets dig deep, where did that insecurity start? Why did Fundy arrive at this conclusion? Why did he feel like this in the first place about his position in L’manburg and his Father?

We kinda assume it was always there or was because of Wilbur actually prioritizing L’manburg over his son/being negectfull. But no! Fundy was very confident in his realtionship with Wilbur and his position in L’manburg at the Start and we see tha change so!

I want to argue that this insecurity... didn't come from Wilbur or any of his actions or lack thereof. Not directly.

“Wilbur? I dunno, Wilbur’s a man of chaos, alright- due to the lore of the server, Wilbur may or may not have been the father of our nation, but- that doesn’t mean he’s for everything I do. That doesn’t mean he stands behind me, alright? Not necessarily...not necessarily.”

This is the first instance of Fundy doubting his connection to Wilbur helping things, i'd argue it still was a part of a lighhearted bit that isn’t to be taken too seriously in the context of the larger story but i realized something that made me change my mind, i mean it is still a lighthearted bit but it connects to a certain quote from uncle Innit:

“What would father think?”

And then that got me thinking and:

Part 1 aka Early L'manburg Fundy had different feelings towards Wilbur than Civil War Fundy

So how did Fundy act towars Wilbur early on?

Fundy: "Don't speak to me ma- hey that's fucked up don't talk about that. That's-"

Tommy: "Listen Th- you gotta kn- you gotta know you don't speak to the boss's son like that. Nevermind about- about the boss's wife to the boss's son in front of the boss's right hand man! You really gotta- You really gotta read the room Thunder."

Fundy: "Yea you don't. You don't."

JM: "fine ok let him do what he wants to do, i just don't wanna hear about it [..]"

Tommy: "Listen to me Fundy- Listen to me Fundy- he didn't mean that- he's just a bold man- he had- he had a little-"

Fundy [turning to JM]: "I will tell on you."

Tommy: " NO no no no Fundy- Fundy He had a little flirt with Dream- he had a little flirt with dream, he's- he's a- he's really new, he's learing his boundaries, he's over stepped them, alright, listen, but you don't have to tell Will, you don't have to tell no-one. "

[To JM] "Thunder you need to to calm your fucking- holy shit."

"-Please, please give him a rest."

JM: "no i- im sorry, im sorry, i'm sorry Fundy"

Fundy: 'I don't want this behavior again, alright."

JM: "no i wont- i wont-"

Fundy: 'Don't talk to my Dad OR my salmon Mother like that ever again, i will tell on you, keep it in mind. I have privilege to speak up against-"

JM: "i understand."

I will come back to the i have a privilege line later but first, from this we see Fundy being confident that Wilbur would take his side because he is his son. He is the “i will tell my parents about this” kid, alongside that he doesn’t feel like he has no imput in decisions, he doesnt feel insecure here he is in the position of power. 

So again when did it appear?

Well,

Fundy: “I may or may not have scammed a bunch of people, including all of L’manburg people, um…”

Tommy: “You scammed L’manburg members?!”

Fundy: “But here’s the thing – I’m willing to pay you a part of the profit if you help me out here!”

Tommy: “Fundy…okay, can I tell you what’s happened from my point of view? The son of the President has gone around scamming the other presidential members, and as the Vice President whilst the President’s not on, this is my duty to make sure that this doesn’t pull apart L’manburg. And what you’re saying – what you’ve essentially just said is, ‘hey, can I bribe you?’“

Fundy: “…Can I?”

Tommy: “Jesus Christ…No, okay, we need to settle this now, ‘cause I mean if this happens on my turf, I’m gonna fucking take the blame from this from Wilbur, alright…so listen, Fundy, under no circumstances can you bribe anyone!”

Fundy: “I got two Netherite scraps?”

Tommy: “Okay, okay – explain to me what’s happened, please.”

[Fundy explains the conflict]

Tommy: “What would father think?”

Fundy: “Well, he always – he always sides…by me…obviously.”

Tommy: “Would he though? I mean, you’ve gone against the other members of the nation he fought to build.”

Fundy: “Well only because my loot has been stolen! Alright?”

Tommy: “This sounds petty, Fundy.”

Fundy: “Okay, okay, I can word this differently in my favor.”

Tommy: “No, okay, no – you’re not meant to say that out loud! Okay, I’m gonna ask Tubbo what’s happened, and then from there on we’ll – but please do not do any – we can’t have L’manburg falling out over this, alright?” 

So here we see Fundy the president’s son being put in comparison to L’manburg the nation the president built for what Wilbur would prioritize for the first time, and Tommy sows the seeds that maybe L’manburg matters more to Wilbur than him, that Wilbur would choose the nation. this is also first time Fundy has been sort of excluded from the Whole of L’manburg.

and we see Tommy’s words affect Fundy,

Fundy: “We gotta list everyone who’s against me:”

“I killed Tubbo twice, I stole his bow. Tubbo’s probably against me.”

“Tommy has always been against me from the start.”

“Sapnap is against me because I killed his animals and stole them.”

“Punz is against me ‘cause I stole his bees.”

“Eret is against me ‘cause I went after Karl.”

“Karl’s against me ‘cause -- I just realized I’ve made a lot of enemies...I just realized I don’t have many -- I don’t have many allies on the server. There’s not many allies.”

“Who’s neutral? Niki! Niki is with me! Niki is friendly.”

“Wilbur? I dunno, Wilbur’s a man of chaos, alright...due to the lore of the server, Wilbur may or may not have been the father of our nation, but...that doesn’t mean he’s for everything I do. That doesn’t mean he stands behind me, alright? Not necessarily...not necessarily.”

“Quackity? Quackity’s definitely not -- no, listen, Quackity’s definitely not for me, okay. I called him a whore. There’s definitely -- there’s definitely many things Quackity has against me.”

so here is my argument... Fundy’s insecurity started with Tommy.

Part 2 Development Of Those Feelings (Uncle Tommy you’re not Helping)

Fundy, growing disillusioned with Wilbur and L’manburg, lead to this one coversation between Fundy and Wilbur,

Wilbur: Well the uh- the ballot entries have closed now.

Fundy: Who's in it?

Wilbur: Well it originally was just gonna be me and Tommy, me and Tommy tired to do it so- tried to do it so we will be the only ones running, then suddenly out of nowhere Quackity joins and enters himself on the ballot-

Fundy: Ok.

Wilbur: -so it's me and Tommy against Quackity and someone else.

Fundy: Who's someone else?

Wilbur: We don't know yet, he hasn't announced,

Fundy: Wait then- oh, so it's just a random… sneaky person who put himself in the ballot not announced who he is.

Wilbur: yeah, yeah. I mean if you wanna try and convince Quackity that you wanna run against your father.

Fundy: Yeah ok.

Wilbur: Wait, you- you wouldn't though. 

Fundy: What if i win? What are- what are you gonna do?

Wilbur: Well then you'd be Vice President.

Fundy: but-What if i win?

Wilbur: Why do you want power in L'manburg so much?

Fundy: Why do you want power?

Wilbur: Because- i led the revolution, i'm your…  i'm your president.

Fundy: That's history.

Wilbur: Wh- d- Do you not think i-  i'm suitable to run for president?

Fundy: I think you are, but i think I am as well.

Wilbur: I don't know man. I don't- i think- i think you- i think you'd be s- i think you'd be getting into a fight you wouldn't want to start with me. You've only been on the positive side of me, you've only seen my nice side, because y'know? being my son you get- you get special- y'know? You won't ever see me going against you.

Fundy: Wait so you're a biased person going for presidency.

Wilbur: Biased to my son? Yes. But, if you're gonna run against me then i'm changing, i'll- i'll go guns blazing.

Fundy: I'll have a word with Quackity.

Wilbur: Fundy i…  i've got- i've got- i've got a bad feeling about this. I think you're just gonna… you're just gonna get hurt.

Fundy: That will happen-

.

Wilbur: Fundy yeah- Yeah someone in my chat just pointed out, Fundy you started the civil war.

Niki: I mean technically Sapnap started the civil war.

Fundy: I mean- i mean technically- Yeah y' know, technically- and i'm gonna win it! It's fine! I mean what does he have on me, really?

Wilbur: I thought it was you fighting Tubbo?

Fundy: what?

Wilbur: I thought civil war was you and Tubbo?

Fundy: No, Tubbo's just a prick.

Wilbur: Sapnap's not even- not even part of L’manburg how is it a civil war?

Fundy: I don't know you brought it up!

Wilbur: Tommy told me- Tommy told me it was Tubbo and Fundy.

Fundy: Yeah no Tommy is a little bit delusional.

Wilbur: I think i've spoiled you.

Fundy: How?

Wilbur: I think you need to learn some manners.

Fundy: I dunno- power seems nice.

Wilbur: Fine, you can run against me, it won't end well for you but you can give it a go.

Fundy: Like i said i'll- i'll have a word with Quackity i'll think of my actions, see what will happen, i'm not saying necessarily that i'll go against you, then again i'm not standing beside you because you may or may not be the father of L'manburg 

Wilbur: And you! The father of you!

Fundy: That's irrelevant. To-

Wilbur: No it's not irrelevant! It's very relevant to this!

Fundy: I don't-  i don't think that's relevant to presidency

I’ll talk over Wilburs pov here in a little bit but focusing on Fundy, 

He wants to run, other than everything we established before here Fundy wants to run to prove himself to himself, and we see the other part of this conflict more internally is,  

(“[..] may or may not be the father of L'manburg- “ , “ That's irrelevant.” )

 Well, here is the insecurity about Wilbur choosing L’manburg (here his position as president) over Fundy, the being second place to L’manburg part matters here becasue i think this is where Wilbur and Fundy fundamentally clash, so Fundy doesn’t want for it to matter to Wilbur, he doesn’t want for his position as son to have any influence over Wilbur here beacuse of this fear that that’s why he may be in the second place.

now let’s move on to,

Uncle Tommy ‘helps’

Fundy: “I’m wearing glasses…are you making fun of my eyesight?!”

Tommy: “Yes.”

Sapnap: “Your father would be very disappointed.”

Fundy: “Wh – disappointed for wearing glasses?!”

Tommy: “You got glasses, like what are you wearing…”

Fundy: “What do you mean?”

Tommy: “Sapnap, Sapnap, over here. Fundy, Fundy, Fundy, I’m really sorry to say this – I’m just here to publicly denounce you.”

Fundy: “…What?”

Tommy: “I just, I – yeah. You’re stinky, you’re shitty, the fur that’s sewn onto your skin, I look at it and I go (retching sounds) And whilst you’re a lovely guy, you’re actually not, you’re really…and all the viewers are like ‘oh no!’ But they can’t smell you. I can! Holy shit, you know? I mean you know, Sapnap…”

Fundy: “I showered two hours before the stream…”

Tommy: “I know, and that’s what makes it so remarkable, how you smell that terrible.”

Fundy: “I used coconut oil…it smells good…”

…

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

Fundy: “Being neutral is – is asshole?”

Tommy: “Yes. Come with me, Sapnap. Yeah, I’ve denounced you – well no no no, you were challenging him. You were challenging him.”

Fundy: “Denounced to what?”

Tommy: “I just – it’s just a formal way of saying you suck.”

(Tommy and Sapnap leave)

Fundy: “…They are mean…They are mean! Why are they so mean? That is so mean…”

Fundy: “Listen, it is one thing making fun of a person’s appearance…it is one thing making fun of a person’s blindness, but hey – don’t fucking make fun of my coconut oil! Listen dude…that shit smells tasty! That smells good! Man…that’s…god…coconut oil, man…dude.“

…

Fundy: “TNT their houses? That will just prove their point, chat. That will just prove their point. That will just prove their point…they’re just mean. They’re so mean. But it is okay, chat. It is okay. The reason why it’s okay…that’s actually true. Why is he talking to the enemy? Wait…wait a minute. Wait a minute! So let me get the story straight real quick.”

 “Chat…just hold up a second here! Hold on a second! So Tommy is demoting me, right? And he’s saying you’re only in L’manburg because of Wil. So Tommy says…in theory, he would kick me out if he had the chance. But considering that, while he’s together with Sapnap…it leads me to believe…Tommy wants to destroy L’manburg!”

“Why would he do that? Why would he team up with Sapnap? He had no correlation with this conversation at all. What was the reason for that?”

“…Do we have another traitor in our midst?”

…

Fundy: “Listen, Tommy, here’s a really interesting theory, alright…here’s an interesting theory, Tommy. I got a little theory on my mind! Listen, boy, we’re part of L’manburg, you and me. Wil as well, Tubbo, all of us, alright? And we’re supposed to be a union! Now here’s the thing! Here’s the thing. If you said, due to Wilbur I’m still basically part of L’manburg – in other terms saying that if it was on your hands you would get me out of there, right, why would you excessively bring Sapnap, out of all people, for that conversation alone?”

Tommy: “Shall I explain to you? It’s because, Fundy, we fucking need votes, Fundy. We need votes! This Quack City guy, son of BadBoyHalo? He’s just – he’s just, like, oh my god. We needed votes. And listen, Fundy–”

Fundy: “You basically just lost my vote, and I feel like that’s your purpose!”

Tommy: “You’re in L’manburg! You vote for us already – you vote for your own father, don’t be an idiot!”

Fundy: “I feel like you’re trying to bring us apart, Tommy. I feel like your goals are not supportive towards L’manburg at the moment…”

Tommy: “From my perspective, Sapnap hates you, Fundy. Sapnap hates you. And if I go listen, if I had to tier list all of the members of L’manburg, Fundy would be in D tier. He needs to hear that.”

Fundy: “…Tommy, are you Eret?”

Post the court debate Fundy was more decided on running on his own,

“Honestly, I feel like everything just needs to change. Honestly, I feel like neither of the parties have done enough right to deserve leadership, to deserve presidency in the first place. I feel like a lot of shit needs to change.”

Fundy didnt want to endorse any of the parties, SWAG2020 was endorsed by Dream, and he belived POG2020 to be corrupt because of the bribing Karl situation, so he was more keen on running on his own, and then came the public denouncing situaion.

Obviously Fundy was hurt by this, especially considering Sapnap was his enemy, and Tommy’s words didnt do Fundy’s and Wilburs already shaky relationship many favours, but his behaviour both pushed Fundy futher away from the POG party, and started Fundy’s ‘traitor Tommy’ theory that he shared with Niki after which the Coconut2020 party was formed.

Part 3 Wilbur is a oblivious dumbass but it makes sense now.

now lets look at Wilburs pov of things, which means we are coming back to the privilege line,

Wilbur: I don't know man. I don't- i think- i think you- i think you'd be s- i think you'd be getting into a fight you wouldn't want to start with me. You've only been on the positive side of me, you've only seen my nice side, because y'know? being my son you get- you get special- y'know? You won't ever see me going against you.

-----

JM: "no i- im sorry, im sorry, i'm sorry Fundy"

Fundy: 'I don't want this behavior again, alright."

JM: "no i wont- i wont-"

Fundy: 'Don't talk to my Dad OR my salmon Mother like that ever again, i will tell on you, keep it in mind. I have privilege to speak up against-"

JM: "i understand."

So coming back to this quote, i belive Wilbur didnt realize Fundy had these doubts about thier relationship, because he was used to Fundy sharing his problems with him, and he was left kinda drifting in an ‘why is my son suddenly against me now??’

Wilbur didnt realize Fundy’s feelings about him had changed, as in Fundy no longer WOULD come to him if he had any probems, because Fundy used to come to him with problems, ("I will tell on you.") But Tommy’s first comment knocked him down and the debate and the Sapnap-Tommy situation had as well and the denouncement, (which Wilbur also knew shit about) because he was already insecure about his place in L’manburg and Wilbur. AND he wouldn't come to Wilbur like he used to because Wilbur was the point of his insecurity even if he wasnt the couse of it.

So we see Wilbur kinda be sad and confused and misstepping becasue of that,

Wilbur: I don't know man. I don't- i think- i think you- i think you'd be s- i think you'd be getting into a fight you wouldn't want to start with me. You've only been on the positive side of me, you've only seen my nice side, because y'know? being my son you get- you get special- y'know? You won't ever see me going against you.

Fundy: Wait so you're a biased person going for presidency.

Wilbur: Biased to my son? Yes. But, if you're gonna run against me then i'm changing, i'll- i'll go guns blazing.

Fundy: I'll have a word with Quackity.

Wilbur: Fundy i…  i've got- i've got- i've got a bad feeling about this. I think you're just gonna… you're just gonna get hurt.

------

Wilbur: Tommy told me- Tommy told me it was Tubbo and Fundy.

Fundy: Yeah no Tommy is a little bit delusional.

Wilbur: I think i've spoiled you.

Fundy: How?

Wilbur: I think you need to learn some manners.

Fundy: I dunno- power seems nice.

Wilbur: Fine, you can run against me, it won't end well for you but you can give it a go.

-----

Wilbur: Wait, look who’s coming, look who’s coming.

Tommy: Uh oh!

Wilbur: My son. My boy.

Tommy: Your ex-son.

Wilbur: Yeah. Well, I mean, he’s still my son in blood, but, he’s just…

Tommy: You should put him up.

Wilbur: What d’you mean, put him up? What, for adoption?

Tubbo: For adoption.

Tommy: Yeah. You should see if Big Q will adopt him.

[They discuss Fundy’s Twitch Prime cape. He runs up on stage, to the microphone, and starts punching the air. He’s not in the same vc as them.]

Wilbur: What’s he doing, what’s he doing- what is this? What is this bit? What is he doing?

Tommy: What the fuck are you- no.

Wilbur: He’s just not- he’s not- he’s really upsetting me.

Tommy: Just- just- he’s not President is he? He’s got no manners, he has no manners. No etiquette.

Wilbur: Look, he’s supposed to be my son.

[Wilbur types in chat: “fundy talk to me” and Fundy immediately leaves the game.]

Tubbo: He is trying.

Tommy: Tubbo, you’re gonna get murdered, my friend.

Wilbutr: He said, he said, “I am here for the Presidencialcy-” He just left.

Tommy: And then he- [sighs] I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.

W: I don’t- I- It’s really sad, like I… Honestly, I- when he turned around to me and he said he wasn’t gonna vote for me, and then he decided he was gonna vote for the opposition, and then he decided he was gonna run against me, that was- one of those was the straw that broke my back. I’m not sure which one- I’m still contemplating which one was the- are you listening?

[Tommy has jumped off the podium to join Tubbo in the audience.]

Tpmmy: Yeah, I’m going down to Tubbo, I just- I’m just letting you vent, Wilbur, I want you to have time to vent.

Wilbur: Yeah I just- I miss me son! I miss me son! I miss when he was my boy! Do you remember when he was my boy?

Tommy: Yeah, I’m not really good at handling… People who are emotional.

Wilbur also didn’t know anything about the denouncement situation,

Sapnap: “Will you continue to have your son banished from L’Manberg if I vote for you?” 

Wilbur: “My son. My- My son. Look, we’re talking about politics here, I don’t want to talk about my family, if that’s alright. … I would like to say, thank you, Sapnap, for the question, I very much appreciate it, but I’m not gonna be fielding responses about my family situation, thank you.” (Alivebur)

*Wilbur proceeds to step off the podium and cry*

Wilbur: “Fundy...!” 

Besides that  fundamenatally Fundys and Wilburs views about the presidency oppose eachother,

“Tommy, I’m- I’m- I’m- I don’t know what to do, Tommy, I’ve never not been President.”

Fundy sees Wilbur and L'manburg as two separate things that he has to unfiairly contest with and for 

1. for Wilbur because of his fears, for a place among L’manburg members

2. Because He wants to prove himself to himself. he needs to know what Tommy said, isn’t true/he can thrive regardless without his fathers support he can still be a  great member of L’manburg and even a president

Wilbur sees himself as inherently connected trough L’manburg with everyone to the point that he thinks that without his position he cant do anything for his loved ones/ he wont be usefull. he thinks of l’manburg as something he does FOR all of them including Fundy.

“My son… My son is tearing down the walls, in front of me! My son is tearing down the walls in front of me! The walls I built to keep him safe! I promised him this world, Tommy, I promised him this world.”

----

 “Fundy was the closest thing I had to something I cared about in L’Manberg, when it all began. You know, when it started, the closest thing to anything I cared about was Fundy. Fundy was my, he was my, he was my boy! My rock!”

----

Ranboo: "I don't know if they actually needed me, but I was there.(about his work in the NLM cabinet)" 

Wilbur:"I know that feel." 

This why Fundy and Wilbur clash fundamentally here,

Fundy: Like i said i'll- i'll have a word with Quackity i'll think of my actions, see what will happen, i'm not saying necessarily that i'll go against you, then again i'm not standing beside you because you may or may not be the father of L'manburg 

Wilbur: And you! The father of you!

Fundy: That's irrelevant. To-

Wilbur: No it's not irrelevant! It's very relevant to this!

Fundy: I don't-  i don't think that's relevant to presidency

Part 4 Tommy WHY? (he is propably protective and and a tiny bit jealous )

----

Tommy: “Hey, you know about Fundy’s little rebellious stage he’s going through?”

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

----

Tommy: “Shall I explain to you? It’s because, Fundy, we fucking need votes, Fundy. We need votes! This Quack City guy, son of BadBoyHalo? He’s just – he’s just, like, oh my god. We needed votes. And listen, Fundy–”

Fundy: “You basically just lost my vote, and I feel like that’s your purpose!”

Tommy: “You’re in L’manburg! You vote for us already – you vote for your own father, don’t be an idiot!”

Fundy: “I feel like you’re trying to bring us apart, Tommy. I feel like your goals are not supportive towards L’manburg at the moment…”

Tommy: “From my perspective, Sapnap hates you, Fundy. Sapnap hates you. And if I go listen, if I had to tier list all of the members of L’manburg, Fundy would be in D tier. He needs to hear that.”

----

Wilbur: Wait, look who’s coming, look who’s coming.

Tommy: Uh oh!

Wilbur: My son. My boy.

Tommy: Your ex-son.

Wilbur: Yeah. Well, I mean, he’s still my son in blood, but, he’s just…

Tommy: You should put him up.

Wilbur: What d’you mean, put him up? What, for adoption?

Tubbo: For adoption

---

Wilbur: He said, he said, “I am here for the Presidencialcy-” He just left.

Tommy: And then he- [sighs] I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.

W: I don’t- I- It’s really sad, like I… Honestly, I- when he turned around to me and he said he wasn’t gonna vote for me, and then he decided he was gonna vote for the opposition, and then he decided he was gonna run against me, that was- one of those was the straw that broke my back. I’m not sure which one- I’m still contemplating which one was the- are you listening?

[Tommy has jumped off the podium to join Tubbo in the audience.]

Tommy: Yeah, I’m going down to Tubbo, I just- I’m just letting you vent, Wilbur, I want you to have time to vent.

Wilbur: Yeah I just- I miss me son! I miss me son! I miss when he was my boy! Do you remember when he was my boy?

Tommy: Yeah, I’m not really good at handling… People who are emotional.

Besides Tommy genuinely wanting to get more votes during the dennoucemnt situation, his seconddary motive was well, he was protective over Wilbur, he noticed that what Fundy did during the debate hurt Wilbur, and kept acting bitter towards him from then on. ( “ I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night.” / And then he- [sighs] I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.”  )

the he a was tiny bit jealous point IS more up in the air but we can compare this to how Tommy acted towards Ranboo just after leaving prison, when he learned of the c!beeduo marriage.

Quotes from @/kateis-cakeis, @/findingjoynweirdstuff, @/ace-enderchest and my own transcripts, thank you guys!