#couldnt sleep so here i am
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"Kirara, can you teach me Japanese?" I said, "はい, はい"
#my stuff#my art#jjk fanart#jjk art#jjk#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jujutsu kaisen#kirara#lisa#blackpink lisa#rockstar#lisa rockstar#couldnt sleep so here i am
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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arcane artstyle attempt #1 [OC]
#my art#oc art#my oc#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#digital painting#when i said i was going to bed earlier i lied (couldnt sleep) so i finished this and am here to post it now#i was trying to copy the arcane style for a while but i realize the main issue is i blend too much while the#arcane style has a lot of blocky messy paint strokes. its gonna take time to learn to leave them unblended#so i dont consider this one a successful arcane style attempt. but i like it anyway so ill post and keep trying#Eleanora Allard OC#Arcane OC
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*looks back* woo i was really going through it two posts ago huh? anyway i almost lost my ao3 account on the first day of its creation :)) (story in tags)
#thank god i use incognito so my dad couldnt see it in history#he always says he wouldnt be mad but i beg to fucking differ#how tf am i supposed to explain hazbin hotel or literally anything ive ever posted here#id be on the streets before im done#i js said i was watching moriah elizabeth and he surprisingly believed me#i dont think he actually truly did ig he just wanted to sleep#ao3#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fic#tumblr#moriah elizabeth#youtube#debbie’s shitty parents#debs is a yapper#debs is an original poster
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That one trend
#my art#sorbet shark cookie#cookie run#morpho knight#kirby#save them#the thought struck me and i couldnt sleep without drawing it#so here i am now#at 3:44 am writing the tags#anyway#it told sorbet it was their conscious
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oh... its officially october i really hadnt noticed... but i have an announcement that ive been dreading to make I say this with a heavy heart... But i wont be doing Inktober this year
I've been doing Inktober for 8 years now And everyyear i pour my heart and soul into doing Inks that seemingly seem to happen by magic and i usually feel such a big inspiration to do my Best Works! and i will admit that i usually prepare for it too But something happened this year and well I havent really been myself this year Art has been hard, doing anything has been hard i am trying! I'm happy to have the asks that i have to inspire me But everytime i've gone to Ink, the drive has.. just not been there i did manage! to do about 4 of them I will post them a bit spaced out through this week But after that.. I think what i will do is that i will reblog my favorite inktobers throughout the year that i have done in honor Another thing im doing is im trying to rekindle my love in different fandoms, because it sort of feels like i've already drawn for everything! i'm watching a lot of shows.. playing games it feels like fandoms are at a standstill right now I'm just waiting for the next big excitement to hit! It definitely feels like a grand Pause Where im revisiting a lot of old shows while im waiting I know not a lot of people will be bothered, Im not a very well known artist. But for anyone who knew me for my inks I do apologize to you and to myself It honestly breaks my own heart that im just... not doing it this year ive always looked so forward to it... But also ive always just tried to do the extraordinary, always one-upping myself! going the distance! Inktober always has been magical for me... I'm not sure if i will be "fixed" by next year or if it will feel ok to return after missing a year but i just dont have it this year the drive, the motivation, the energy, the magic... i have to look inside and find it again
#i... cried while typing this#yall have no idea how much inktober meant to me....#it really does break my heart to announce this#even if i am an under the radar artist#it was important to ME !!#It was a challenge for ME#and i was always so proud of doing it#it always stressed me out but i enjoyed it#the pressure#the magic#the DETERMINATION#but this yea ive just been dealing with so much and at the same time so little#if you want to know ill say here in the tags for anyone who really wants to know what happened#but around march i went crazy#i literally went crazy#insane#i had a lot of obsessions that were swirling around in my brain all the time#wally#theories#and i also fell in love for the first time!!#i couldnt focus on anything#i was literally going mad pacing around in little circles while my brain buzzed and buzzed#and then i stopped sleeping#for a long time...#and then my brain snapped and i had what i learned as a manic episode#a euphoric delerium of mania! i was having an epiphany!! about what? i honestly couldnt tell you#i was place in a mental hospital for about a week#i experienced only what i could describe as a 'separation of senses'#and i was processing things wery strangely and my senses were all heightened#but the hospital fixed me
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Sokka spots a weakness and lunges. He throws himself against Zuko, his hands on Zuko’s wrists, one of his knees moving up to help push him down. Zuko lands on his back with a surprised oof, and Sokka beams in victory from above, one knee bracketing each side of Zuko, pinning Zuko’s wrists to the ground above his head.
“Aha!” Sokka says, but the sound dies in his throat almost immediately as he looks down at Zuko, his eyes wide, his pupils blown wide, his chest heaving.
His stomach plummets somewhere fifty feet below them, and Sokka feels a little lightheaded.
“Uh,” he says intelligently.
(or, a Choose Your Own Adventure fic. featuring...love confessions? sparring? angst? choose your paths wisely and find out…)
#thats right folks we got choose your own adventure zukka!!!#because i have had parts of this as a wip for literally ages but i couldnt decide where to go w it so i am making you all decide for me!#anyway i am two hours late to valentines but uhhh heres my valentines fic#is it my best writing? no. absolutely not. in fact i will probably go back and change a lot at some point#but did i have fun writing it? also no. i had like two breakdowns and lost like six hours of sleep over two days#but also yes i had fun <3 and i hope you guys do too <3 i hope that makes up for it lmao#anyway.#zukka#zuko#sokka#atla fanfiction#my writing
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If you don’t mind, I’m gonna yap for a second.. I think another problem with Kab is how sudden the turn around was. Like in the first convo where Kab was acting “evil”, Zam fought back with the argument that she’s wasn’t really evil at all and I think he did believe that at least a little. And if Kab slowly began to turn her path around then he would be a bit more trusting cause he would have SEEN her actual emotional growth but the turn around was so fast, it feels like there was no emotional growth at all and that Kab is still the same as before, cause she basically is. She still wants Mane dead no matter the cost and she’s still, intentionally or not, trying to manipulate Zam, but she wants to be treated as if she’s had that whole long term emotional growth
yeah ii think this is where her majority experience with short-term smps really bit her in the ass, i think there are two main directions that other ppl take it tho: 1. is as what you speculate in that some ppl think that she hasnt had genuine growth and hasnt changed at all and 2. that she genuinely changes too quickly and is therefore unreliable regardless of if shes being honest or not
i think the reason zam was so receptive to her in silent scream was cause this has been a recurrent plot point for a couple streams now, kab trespassing zams base to yap while zam tries to decipher her wants and motivations until eventually she just let it all out and in that instance i think he did genuinely believed that she changed even if it was slowly/just a little bit
....but then die for you happened lol
ssee the thing about kab is that shes shes all-or-nothing, going from one extreme to the next after just a little bit of change in character which can be jarring to some ppl to say the least (unless you thought she was lying and therefore any character development shouldnt be believed i suppose) but is something that was a great asset in shorter and arena-based smps where you had to get as much advantage against your opponent as possible without having to worry about the long-term consequences of these actions ie them not trusting you while still having to interact often in mundane ways even after messing with them. while she Can be swayed this only really works with things she was already unsure of which while a great motivator and trait to keep her on track with her goals (again another great trait for short-term smps), can be really jarring and distressing for other ppl if the things she was absolutely sure about goes against their own perspective like for example her thinking that derapchu killing her constitutes zam getting payback for her as the protector of the server (The protector, not A protector like zam insists, The protector of the server)
i think shes far too used to the fast-paced instant acceptance of changed personality in arena smps that is a natural consequence of them being short-term and having a revolving door of members and teams which is why she expects ppl to accept her growth and efforts so quickly even if realistically nobody would hand over their trust that easily esp after essentially being harassed in their own home multiple times, like even in normal smps where theres a baseline amount of trust ppl still wouldnt trust you after doing that, what more in a server like lifesteal where general trust is low basically all the time?
#mine.ask#Anonymous#i wrote most of this at like 2 am cause i couldnt sleep so i hope this is understandable lol#like. kabs actions are logical sure but its one extreme to the next#even zam takes at least a couple weeks before changing into something opposite than he was#and hes one of if not the most fickle ppl on the server#like. idk. ive noticed from tge beginning that kabs lore is pretty fast-paced compared to everyone else#but after she got fixated on zam it increased by a lot i feel#like hating him one moment then loving him the next#like damn girl is he your fp /j#but yeah a lot of things kab does can be explained away by the fact that shes never really had to deal with the long-term consequences#of fucking with someone#whether it be because of the fact the smps she was in were short ones or cause clown was there to get rid of her opps#and like. in a regular smp maybe ppl would believe her more#but this is ls where all the players are accutely aware of the fact that trusting the wrong ppl could get them killed or worse#and kab not only has an untrustworthy rep thanks to money smp (that she was was proudly flaunting)(also derap is here)#but her still continuing to lie and manipulate ppl does not make ppl want to give her the necessary baseline trust#that would constitute believing in her whenever she changes her mind/direction#and unfortunately for her; now that shes been established as untrustworthy on lifesteal itself#(compare her rep to wemmbu whos rep comes from non-ls smps and is proudly trustworthy and loyal on ls itself)#that baseline trust is gonna be really difficult to go against#i was gonna give spoke as an example but then remembered he manipulated pbaj during the election arc lmao#but uh yeah reputation is really important on ls whether the players like it or not and kabs rep is unfortunately not the best#like bruh zam thinks shes less trustworthy than Spoke#do you have any idea how untrustwortthy someone would feel you are to get that low on the trustworthiness tier???#like damn it hasnt even been a full season yet
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barely four hours into the new month and im already silly
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#arasawa#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#BYE LMAO#i just wanted to draw arakawa tbh but then somehow sawashiro ended up here too#a reward for me for shotgunning all of my comm sketches tonight :)))))#im lying of course. there was SOME intent. but i really didnt expect to make this a 'whole' thing#at the very least i just expected to post the sketch and call it a night but I Am Not Tired And I Fear Time Loss So Might As Well#anyway todays inspo for this is uhhhhhhhhhhh heavage LMAO#my guy being SO respectful not to peak... couldnt be me Who Said That#sorry i draw young arasawa so much. it just tickles me cause i get to Reasonably make jo a doofus#yk. before he fully invests himself in The Horrors and becomes a cunt. still love him tho <3 maybe even more cause of it LMAOO#ok i should sleep. but im not going to cause im gonna go work out HAHA BYYYYYEEE#posting this now so i stop looking at it and feeling like i need to add more to it BITCH ITS JUST A SCRIBBLE MOVE ON AND EXERCISE
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UNCLE NINA WRITES WEIRD JK STAN LETTERS!
hello benevolent angel people!
( because you're wonderful but bc you're doing gods work by supporting my dead fanfic from hell. c:’ )
so this is a lil...experimental? but bc i've been dabbling on that one ask large lore ask that set before kyle knows raven of crimson dawn is his stan, i've gotten very attached to writing the silly jersey letters to dead stan in his journal again. ( again, nina lore is that it's what a friend had me do when my first cat passed away.
i still write to her. <3 )
but this is just something i wrote to get back into the habit of writing again. i put it on docs and i used a font which...okay? tbh, i think looks exactly like i want jk's handwriting to look. like its very swirly, he is my calligraphy king. i didn't proof it bc i just wrote...all of it tonight like a weird crazy person.
also i realize jk sounds...a lot like me
— but he Is me, tbh?
like in some facets i did give him lil pieces of myself so he could grow into an uber tall thicc as hell academic hot jersey talk shit get hit boy.
( i also do think he's a lot goofier with stan in his little letters esp since he doesn't think that anyone is going to read them they are just his lil vent space. let it out king! )
as for the timeline...i think it's pre!rm bonus content? like i dropped a little context about stuff that happened before the fic, but i think it's probably written anywhere in the last 1-2 years of rm before kyle went to that crimson dawn concert. i'm not sure what compelled me to write it i just...really like vulnerable jersey just being a jersey dirtbag but like kneeling by the stan shrine and asking for light.
speaking of...as far as triggers go. mostly the spelling is just bad, help, but jersey does talk a lot about stan dying and is very...distressed about it. he's also...really depressed and is not at the moment coping super well, but is reaching out for help. <3 always reach out for help when you need it. i didn't mention anything specific, but he does just mention thinking he's not a good person, feeling ugly, unworthy, lost, etc...TW FOR HIM BEING SO VULNERABLE AND CUTE ALSO.
he is...my secret loverboy prince.
he is my lo-...
my L-
anyways...ROLL CLIP!
#i cannot tell u what compelled me to make...this#but it did make me feel nice so idk its not the most professional or formulaic thing ive ever written#but i think its nice i am sorry if the found is too gnar i really wanted to do a jk letter in like a letter structure for once#also this is it so funny to me that jk out here trying to rizz himself up to fucking dead GHOST stan like he is insane#also im like oh god does he sound too much like me?? BUT HE IS ME I GAVE HIM LOTS OF ME IDK AAAA SORRY#he is a lovely man when hes not being horrible and i am Also a sweet lovely man when im not being horrible#but idk him giving stan all the cute nicknames and like writing a letter and for the first time in a very long time#wasnt completely honest but was mostly honest about just not being the best and needing to be and needin someone else#OOOOOOOOY MY EYES ARE WATCHING HELP ME#no im so sorry if u were victimized by sexy topdom jersey sometimes he is like on critical boyfailurisms#he wants to impress like one motherfucker and its dead stan marsh like HAUNT ME PROMISE ME#HAUNT ME LIKE AN OLD VICTORIAN HOUSE AN UNDERWATER SHIPWRECK when i tell u i was in pain#also not him just building his ideal boyfriend like he won i love you jersey SPEAKING OF DO U SEE HIM#DO YOU SEE HIM TRYING TO DO IT HES TRYING TO TYPE THE!!!! IM TELLING YALL HE CANT DO IT#HE COULDNT EVEN TELL DEAD STAN ANYWAYS THAT AS MAKING ME CRY sorry ill proof it a lots wrong w it#i am very sleepy nina please stop...not sleeping from stress#but i hope it pleases and sparkles <3
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what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right
#this is rhetorical look away!!!!#it’s an either/or : this or trying to go to grad school#but the thing is#at some point i convinced myself that a change of place and building a new life would make me happier than rotting in my parents house#in my hometown where i feel like im in a timeloop sometimes#but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go#it’s not a fixable thing#being around beth is a bandaid on it#so maybe i should slap the bandaid on buy a plane ticket and then. whatever i will be sad After or#i know i sound insane but the thing about being obsessive is that when one person physically has your back when you are 20 years old#it makes sense that they feel like the only thing that will help fix it#sorry this sounds strung out i have like three different things in my system that i will sleep off and be fine im not having a meltdown#this just feels like a Decision To Be Made and i thought typing it out would help give me some clarity or whatever#made a list but i wrote ‘washed your hair when you couldnt do it’ and i’ll be so honest that’s all the convincing i need to do#anything they ask of me ever#idk where my bank card is so no financial decisions tonight anyway#if u have read all of that. apologies and goodnight x#n
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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Wait, you deactivated?!! I thought u got suspended?☠️☠️💀 , I was really like damnnnnnnnnn😭😭😭😭😭😭. WELCOME back tho💖💖💖💖💖💖💯💯💫💫💫💫💥💥
yeah, i actually privated ! and — i don't know how to explain why to yall without 1) oversharing, 2) being super long-winded, and 3) sounding like a crybaby LOL but the long-short of it is: i was getting a decent amount of negative feedback the last few weeks and a final comment kind of launched me into this weird episode where i was sort of forced to face this hurt that i had been avoiding for a few years, and then i felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed and nakey, so i didn't want anyone to look at me LOL but i'm on the mend now, so thank you ! 🩷✨️
#you know how you go through a traumatic event and have to just keep going#and it's not until a while later when you're suddenly reminded of it and you realize JUST how painful it was ??#that's what happened LOL#and it sounds like i'm saying: i got some harsh feedback and got my feelings hurt#which — sure who wouldn't that happen to — but it actually just triggered memories of a really low point in my life and i had to —#— deal with that very suddenly#and was of course very uncomfortable during that time#i couldn’t figure out exactly what was triggering at first and i was just sick and panicked and couldnt sleep LOL#but in talking it out and realizing the source of the issue — i'm feeling a bit better !#not 100% bc jesus christ that was so stressful but. we're getting there.#here i am oversharing anyway whoops#anyway if it were not for my friends i would be in the pit of despair :)#✿ ask willow
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Ok so apparently it's not normal that whenever someone goes to a restaurant and I'm with them, I expect them to get just themselves food and then we leave. Like if you get me food or ask if I want anything I will in fact look at you like you're a stranger who just walked up and offered me a 100 dollar bill
#what can i say im just used to getting nothing#both my parents and my older sisters would go to get food and basically never get me anything#if i did get anything it also wasnt 'what do you want' it was 'heres what im getting you youre welcome'#lol and i was okay with that? guys. guys am i supposed to raise my standards#is this like. am i not respecting myself enough#like this is me having gottwn much better too. i used to be even worse#if i went to your house and you let me sleep on something that wasnt the floor i would stare at yoy in shock#i was mentally incapable of comprehending that i could get whatever i wanted off of a menu#one time my friends mom actually yelled at me because she took me to dunk8n donuts and asked what i wanted#and i froze up so bad that i just couldnt say anything because i didnt know what she meant#i was like 'oh you dont need to get me anything' 😭😭 and she INSISTED she had to get me something#for context i mustve been like 9 and i had NEVER had anyone ask my what i wanted before#i also was so prepared to just skip breakfast due to the anxiety of this situation#turns out having kids skip breakfast is also not super normal? me and my sisters usually wouldnt eat breakfast#especially on sunday mornings before church because there was snacks there
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