#cornicorn

[beetlbi]

Not at all happy with the dragons design, expect that to get reworked. Anyway here’s ford and his dragon! She is very tolerant of his many many experiments, and is very intolerant of his constant habit of throwing himself into danger to study things! More thoughts in the tags

[theautismgoblin]

Golden Acrobat in a Different Form a Different Time

Chapter 3

New Old Faces

Within the next couple days, I quickly realized that I’d shown up in Gravity Falls both before Weirdmaggedon and before Dipper and Mabel had even arrived, which made me ecstatic. 

I’M GONNA GET TO GREET THEM!!! 

As I was sweeping the shack, “HEY KID,” I just about jumped at my boss’s interruption to my thoughts… 

“Oh, uh yes Sir!” I said quickly. “I gotta go pick up some things from town, and I need you to watch the shack…” I immediately saluted in a very faux serious manner, “I shall GUARD THIS SHACK WITH MY WHOLE BEING! “ “YOU BETTER,” Stan said as he was already out the door. 

I just shrugged, and now that Stan was gone began to dance and talk to myself again. But specifically I was talking about the attractions… 

“The story of the Cornicorn is a strange and mysterious tale of wonder and escapades. A unicorn fair and noble pranced throughout these lands, helping all those far and wide. HOWEVER, THEY HAD AN ARCH NEMESIS, an Evil mountain lion hated all the attention the fair unicorn got, so thus the lion sought to bring down the majestic creature.The lion found a fairy witch that claimed to have just the spell. The fairy threw to the lion a bag of corn kernels!“Unicorns love corn. It's right in the name so plant these and wait for them!” The fairy said with a sinister grin, and so thus the lion ran into the forests until they found a clearing where they planted every single kernel in the bag. And magic sparks shot up, the once small plots now full grown stalks of corn.And so within the rising full moon the fair Unicorn came across the field of corn. And this was the Unicorns favorite food, it’s in the name after all!BUT when the unicorn took a single bite out of an ear of corn, something horrid happened. The once majestic creature began to shift into the very food it just ate.

And the now Unicorn made of corn was left within the forest, till we here at the Mystery Shack recovered it!!That’s the story of the CORNICORN.”  

“DUDE, THat was amazing!” And for the second time today, I got really startled. “HUH, uh?? What??” I looked behind me at Soos, who I just realized was here the entire time. “Dude, you should totally tell Stan that story for the attraction.” “What, no it’s just a stupid thing I pulled outa’ my ass.” I said, really embarrassed, especially since someone just saw me talking to myself again.. 

“No, dude that was actually really dope! Like, Stan could actually use that!” I just blushed a bit, still not used to getting attention over my random stories.. And then I stuck my chin up, “You know what, YOU’RE Right I’ll tell him it later!” I said with a big smile on my face, and kinda lying my ass off, cause ya’know ANXIETY. 

And within the next hour Stan burst through the door, “WELCOME KIDS TO THE MYSTERY SHACK!” wait.. And “Grunkle Stan, Why are we here?” a higher pitched voice said, DIPPER OMG!! “Cause this is where you’re living for the next few months!” “Wow, DipDop, LOOK AT THAT!” and I saw a long haired brunette run by to the Deer Bat Mantle. “It’s a Bateer!” Mabel said while pointing up excitedly at the mantle, and trying to reach it.. But she was too short to reach. And there I was still rebooting, cause it’s the Mystery Twins!

Dipper, as soon as Mabel was done freaking out over the admittedly cool attraction (that for some reason not in the actual Mystery Shack), started trying to get Stan’s attention. “Wait, WHAT! Grunkle Stan, you can’t really expect us to live in a dingy Tourist Trap.” “What course I do, and plus this is just the front. NOT like I’d actually expect you kids to sleep with the attractions,” pfffffff yes YOU WOULD STAN , I thought in my head. 

“Nah, y’all get your very own room..” There was a dramatic pause before he spoke again,  “Up in the attic, where all kids love to be!” And I about died in hysterics. “Oh right,” and this is the moment he chose to introduce me, “this is Alex, she’ll be working with you two. Oh Yeah, you's kids will be working here too.” To which the two twins started to protest, which is honestly fair. 

I choose to not correct Stan on my gender.. I didn't even tell anyone, mostly cause it's only 2012 and this is a small town…. Just not willing to deal with that ordeal. 

I waved to the two kids, and immediately noticed all their bags and stuff.. “Yo, y'all need help with those..”

“HEY, ya still got work to do!” Stan yelled pointing at me, to which I leaned on the rack I had just finished sorting. “No I don’t. “ I said with a big-ass smug grin. “Did ya-” 

“Swept, reordered everything, all the attractions were cleaned, and I made sure to reapply all the fake price tags and add a couple zeros to a few.” I said nonchalantly. 

Stan just groaned, “Usually it’s only Soos.. FINE go help em’ kid!” He yelled out as he kinda stomped out the room.  

I just laughed and went over to the twins. Mabel now actually noticing me, started to bounce up and down, meanwhile Dipper just kinda stared at me. “I’M MABEL AND THIS IS DIPPER, WE’RE STAYING HERE FOR THE SUMMER AND OMG THAT JACKET’S SO COOL!! WHERE’D YOU GET IT!” 

“OH my Family made it for me,” I smiled down at Mabel, the little ball of joy she is. 

Stan had moved into the showroom, probably going to make some more adjustments on a few of them. Dipper was trying to haul his bag with him, of course he overpacked, and I don’t blame him, a completely new place, and almost no idea what’ll be there to do. Not to mention I think their parents didn’t let them bring any electronics.. “Here let me help,” Dipper just looked up.. Wow It’s weird to see him in that hat, rather than the pine-tree hat! “Oh no, I got it.” Dipper said while trying to lift his bags at once, and almost dropped it. “Heh, you might’ve overpacked..” “No, I brought everything I needed with me.” “Even those dorky DVDs of BABA!” Mabel said, poking out her head around the corner, having already scurried off to start tossing stuff into her room. “WHAT NO I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!” Dipper started yelling out at the now empty doorway. I just shook my head at Mabel, and grabbed the biggest bag Dipper had.. He had alot, and even I knew I couldn’t carry all of them myself. “How bout’ this, I take half and you take the other half.” 

Dipper grumbled, “Fine.” And went to grab his half of the bags, “I dunno whether to be scared of or enlightened by your sister..” I said as we hauled the bags up the stairs, I could hear Stan’s loud presentations, seems like we have a tour group too right now. “That much energy and I’m guessing strength.” Dipper just rubbed the back of his neck, “Heh, yeah.. She’s just like that..” I proceeded to help Dipper and Mabel unpack all their stuff. And I had thought Dipper was the only one to overpack, Mabel was like in the same tier, what with the enormous amounts of stuffed animals, posters and everything else.. The only difference between the two was that Dipper packed more reasonable and useful stuff.. While Mabel’s packing felt like she just grabbed everything in her room.. “ANd THEN they were like You two only stay inside ALL summer, which NO I go out a bunch. Like everyday and interact with others. It’s Dipdot that always stayed Inside and played his games. So they just like told us to pack, and BAM, next day we were here!!!” Mabel said in a neck breaking pace, I due to my own experience could actually understand every last word. “Mabel could you not completely overwhelm someone we met not even an HOUR ago.” I just laughed a bit, “Nah, it’s fine. And honestly, energetic folks make life more FUN!” I exclaim, spreading my arms out wide. “Just like.. Imagine, if no one was chaos, LIFE WOULD BE BORING.” I said as I scrunched my face at the thought, “AND BORING is no fun.” 

I spent the rest of that day getting to know the two kiddos, and it was great. AND then Stan yelled from downstairs, “ALL RIGHT Get yall’s butts down here, I need to SHOW ya’ the ropes!!” Welp that ends that. Dipper was the one groaning, as Mabel zoomed outta the room down the stairs. “Coming Grunkle Stan!!!” She seemed to have warmed up to the idea of the Mystery Shack after I had talked more about some of the attractions. Admittedly, I overdid it on some of the story telling. Dipper however did not. 

Dipper very grumpily got up, he had brought a book with him, I think it’s a mystery novel, which FAIR. 

So he got up very begrudgingly, “You coming with us?” He asked, us making eye-contact, it’s still weird to see Dipper’s irises, chocolate-brown. And since he’s a kid, they’re bigger too. “No, I gotta go home. Got some extra stuff needing to get done.” I said with a small smile, “DIPPER GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE!!!” Both me and Dipper jumped, and I just laughed, “Looks like your Grunkle needs you.. Probably for some scam, you better get down there.” I said as I head out the door, and leaving the house.. Making my way back to my makeshift hut. 

When I was suddenly stopped.. By a gnome.. OH NO, I just inwardly groan. I KNEW THIS SHIT WOULD HAPPEN!

I could be wrong though.. But chances are no. I’ll give this guy the benefit of the doubt, it’s weird though they ain’t trying to pretend to be human like they did with Mabel..

“How might I help you,” I said questionaly with an eyebrow raised. 

“Oh well ya see pretty miss, me and my friends have been awfully lonely as of late. And we saw ya in the woods, when ya showed up. And we were-” 

I immediately cut him off, “First off not a miss, and secondly if you ask me out I will drop kick you so hard right now.” I looked down at him.

“Wait, you're not a girl!” Jeff looked surprised at me. “Yeah no, I ain't nothing in the gender department. Too confusing for my brain hole.” 

“Oh well then in that case, toodles!” And he just scampers off. Leaving me in massive confusion… 

Did that seriously work, me saying I ain't a girl… I just said it on a whim.. 

OH well, ONE LESS PROBLEM TO WORRY ABOUT!! 

I started running back to my little sanctuary, excited to get back. I had found the perfect area to go stargazing tonight, and I AM DETERMINED TO GET THERE BEFORE SUNSET!!! But I kinda gotta grab some stuff, namely Tigey. 

So I ran through the trees, the light slowly draining from the skies, I had stayed much longer than I had meant to at the Mystery Shack. As soon as I found my sanctuary I ran in and grabbed Tigey, along with some snacky snacks. Then I bolted out of the cavern, running to the spot. Then finally, I got there. Crystal littered the ground, what kind I’m unsure of, but I know they ain’t size changing ones. I’d flashed a light through it previously to be sure of at least that. The sun had just begun to set, coating the crystals in a thousand shades. The flowers all seemed to again glow.. Though it was quick, the sun had set after what felt like seconds. Now the star began to peak out of the skies. And the moon was full, illuminating the area. 

I stared up at it.. Seeing once more the yin-yang.. I don’t know why I only see that, but not the Man in the Moon or the Rabbit.. 

I had thought about why I’m here even more since that first night.. This is one of the first times I actually needed to be here.. Every other time I dimension hopped it was for my own delight. 

But I hope I can become better friends with Dipper and Mabel. Heck, maybe I can help a tiny bit with their adventures.. I really don’t want Mabel to almost get nabbed by the gnomes.. But I don’t wanna interfere too much.. Though, if I try to interfere too little I might never find them.. I’ll just go with my gut and soul.. My soul is going to be the main driving point in this mission, it’s the key.. After about an hour of this, I got up. I need to start the search.. But where to begin, maybe the forest.. I don’t think it’ll be in town, too normal… Not to mention other factors… 

Maybe. IT COULD BE IN THE JOURNAL, I jumped up at the idea. If it’s in the journal I have an excuse to hang out with the Mystery Twins!! Also, also, I’d be able to do more than if I didn’t have any other reference to what all is in the forest.. 

Though. I am crossing my fingers on what it is… But I could very well be wrong. 

First Post- POP Previous Post

[0-amateur-writer-0]

Lines

Characters: Stan Pines, Ford pines.

Tags: Angst, Hurt no comfort, Character study.

Wordcount: 1,810

Summary:

“You really don’t understand why I want this place to be shut down, do you?”

Stan sniffs. “I think I got some ideas.”

Ford narrows his eyes. “Do you?”

#

He’s home. He’s actually home. Back in his Earth—in Gravity Falls, Oregon.

Hard to believe that a few days ago, he was at the precipice of life and death. About to end things once, and for all with Bill. That’s how it was supposed to be. One way or another, everything was supposed end that day. But now he’s honest to God walking through his house. Opening cupboards, and drawers. Studying every nook, and cranny. Observing how much has changed, and how much has stayed the same.

The house definitely had seen better days. Everything was aged, and weathered. You could even spot some awkward patch jobs here, and there. The ones you do on your own to save money, instead of by someone who actually knew what they were doing.

Indeed, Stan must’ve been a stingy on the upkeep. He could hear a lot of new creaks, and sounds now. But…the house is somewhat neat, and tidy at least.

He supposes he should be thankful if for that. That his home is still here after all this time. Still standing. Still livable. When he already made peace long ago, that his house would be left to rot—reduced to a pile of would-be firewood.

Ford rounded a corner, and stops in his tracks. Any feelings of gratitude he had had quickly went down the drain.

Now this is a change he could really do without.

The house doubles as a hokey tourist trap now. One that’s entire gimmick was based on showcasing a variety of very made-up anomalies.

Being in this room is already starting to royally piss him off. Though for some reason that escapes him, he decided to stay and look around. Making his way the first exhibit that caught his eye.

Ford glares at the taxidermized monstrosity before him. It was obviously meant to resemble sasquatch, or even bigfoot. Brown fur, big feet, and ape-like features, though a striking difference could be seen on how it’s…wearing an underwear.

(Why even? What evolutionary need could it possibly fulfill by wearing one?)

“Sascrotch,” He sneers. “I can’t believe people actually—"

“Yeah, ya don’t like the Shack. We get it. Keep steppin’, and move on already.” A gruff voice piped up from his left.

Ford turns his head to the source of said voice, to find Stan leaning against the counter—counting the money he made off from the last group of tourists.

(Has he always been there?)

“You really don’t understand why I want this place to be shut down, do you?”

Stan sniffs. “I think I got some ideas.”

Ford narrows his eyes. “Do you?” He challenges.

Stan muttered something under his breath, but otherwise did nothing but continue to count the money in his hands. The sound of paper bills being shuffled seemed to fill the empty gift shop. It grated on his nerves. Then again, everything that Stan does seem to grate on his nerves these days.

Ford made his way to the next set of exhibits. The Six Pack O’ Lope. The Cornicorn. He swears some of them looked more like one of Mabel’s arts and crafts projects.

“I have spent most of my life studying the weird. Trying to make sense of the nonsense. Trying to prove their existence to the scientific community.”

“I had to take on twelve PhDs to get people to take me seriously. Twelve. And that wasn’t even accounting the number of favors, and good standing I had to build up just so I could get my grant approved by the committee.”

Of course, I could’ve avoided all that if I had gone to West Coast Tech instead. He almost wanted to say, but quickly bit his tongue.

“Well, that’s kinda’ dumb.” Stan comments.

(If his ears weren’t mistaken, Ford could’ve sworn there was a note of genuine sympathy in Stan’s voice.)

Ford just shook his head. “The committee didn’t see my want to research anomalies as top priority. Especially when compared to things like researching the cure for cancer, or alternative energy, or artificial intelligence and whatnot.”

“But one way, or another. I managed to show them my worth. I gave them reason, after reason as to how my research could be beneficial. And eventually, they decided to give me a chance.”

Ford wrinkled his nose when he passes by some shelves filled with tacky souvenirs. One lined with snow globes, another with Mr. Mystery bobbleheads, and another filled with…ugh, those horrific Burpin’ Stanford Pines figurines. Though he stops when he comes across a nearly empty shelf lined with empty glass jars. A sign nearby tells him that these are ‘invisible fairy companions! Only $35!’.

His attention wasn’t on the obvious scam in front of him. Instead, Ford watches his face being reflected on the glass jars.

“I thought,” he says. “If I did all of that, then…maybe I could finally change the way people view them.”

“I wasn’t hoping to change everyone’s minds, but if I could get a few people to stop looking at them like something to be afraid of. Like something to be pointed, and gawked at…” He pauses, and then turns to look at Stan. “Do you see where I’m going with this?”

Stan just stares at him with a blank expression on his face.

(Dear Tesla, does he really have to spell this out?)

Ford took a deep calming breath, before saying: “What you’re doing here with the Mystery Shack. Not only is it a mockery of my life’s work, it’s a mockery of me.”

Stan narrows his eyes. “What are you talkin’ about?”

Ford could feel the threads of his self-control being cut. “Do you really not realize what you’re doing here!? You’re bringing all sorts of people in here, and teaching them it’s okay to point, and laugh at things they don’t understand. You’re teaching them to point, and laugh at things like me!”

Ford clicked his tongue. Whether Stan’s earlier confusion was genuine, or an act mattered little to him at the moment. The damage was done. To his house. To his reputation. To his life’s work.

--You’re a six-fingered freak!

And they would be right. That’s all he is. All he will ever be.

He’d lost the chance to ever prove them wrong.

“Be honest,” Ford demanded. “All those times you told me that I wasn’t a freak was a lie, wasn’t it?” He gestures towards the various exhibits in the Shack. “This is how you actually feel about me.”

“Do you also have stuffed six-fingered hand lying around? I’m surprised I haven’t seen it yet. An exhibit like that will surely—"

“You think I’d do that?” Stan asks.

Ford pauses, and then turns to Stan. And once his eyes landed on his brother, the red mist that clouded his vision seemed to dissipate at that moment.

Stan was staring at him, and though his expression was blank—there was a gamut of emotions swirling in the depths of his brother’s eyes. Raw and honest emotions that Ford didn’t want to look too closely into.

“You really think I’d do that to you?” Stan asks again. His voice quiet.

Ford opens his mouth, but he quickly finds that no words could come out. Something in Stan’s eyes. Something in the way his brother spoke, seemed to sap all the remaining fight and anger in him.

“I used to beat up every single punk who bad-mouthed you when we were kids. And ya really think that I’m gonna’ turn around, and start doin’ all that crap they did to you?” A pause. “You really think that I’m no better than guys like Crampelter?”

Ford’s looks down—suddenly finding it hard to look Stan in the eyes. “That isn’t what I…”

He tries to find something to defend himself with, but nothing kept coming up. After all, that was essentially what he had just implied wasn’t it?

The silence hung between them until Stan took several steps forward, only stopping when he’s at an arms-length in front of Ford.

“…Y’know,” Stan says. “I got a lotta reasons for starting the Mystery Shack. And that thing you just said… You think that folks come through here to point and laugh at all these arts and crafts rejects. But the only thing being pointed and laughed at in here…is me.”

“Cause you wanna’ know something?” He jabbed a finger onto Ford’s chest. “Just because you got no problems callin’ me worthless, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna’ stoop to your level and start callin’ you a…”

It took everything in him to not look away—to return Stan’s glare head on. On the outside, one might mistake him for being the picture of indifference. The only thing anyone could see was a mask of cold, hard disapproval plastered on his face

But on the inside, in the deepest parts of him where no one was privy to—part of him dreaded of what’s to come. The part of him that used to go on adventures with Stan on the beach. The part of him that used to spend whatever free time available, to work on an old derelict sailboat. The part of him that used stay up to the late hours of the night talking, and planning about the places they’d sail away to one day.

That part of him was terrified of his twin brother calling him that word.

But he knew it was coming. It’s only a matter of time. He braces himself and…

…nothing happened.

Stan just looks down, his hand falling limply back to his side. And Ford found himself letting out a breath he didn’t even knew he was holding.

Both men stood at the middle of the empty gift shop. Stan kept looking down at the floor, and Ford couldn’t seem to peel his eyes away from his brother—at how tired, and defeated he looked. His right-hand twitches, and then starts to lift and inch itself closer towards Stan.

He didn’t really know what he was trying to do. He just…has a sudden urge to reach out. But before he could make any contact, Stan took a step back from him.

“Believe it or not, I actually got lines I ain’t never gonna’ cross.” Was all Stan said to him, before he made his way outside.

The front door slammed shut.

Ford watches the door for a moment. Before his gaze, inexplicably, wanders back to the shelf lined with those Burpin’ Stanford Pines toys. It was an insult. It was his name being printed on those boxes, but looking at those figurines again—at how it was wearing a bright red fez, and a black tuxedo…the similarities that he somehow hadn’t seen before became so clear.

It was Stan.

Ford pinches the bridge of his nose. “What the hell am I doing?”

[crochetwizardman]

Cornicorn

[totallystanfordpines]

As a member of the nerd species, I find fun and excitement in studying all the weird, funky looking creatures of our world.

And now you can too!

At the ❓Mystery Shack❓ there's a ton of strange and unusual creatures to explore! They have the Sascrotch, a cryptid even shyer than your usual Sasquatch that he wears clothes to cover up the family jewels! Or a real life giant's ear, that my brother Stanley Pines, chopped off in the midst of a daring and courageous battle! Or my personal favorite, the Cornicorn, a unicorn made entirely of corn! A creature made of two of my favourite things!!

Now some smartass pointdexters may say that all of these exhibits are fake but I say that's absolute poppycock! After all, you can clearly see them right in front of you with your own two eyes, that means they must be real! And even if they were fake, which they Are Not, it would take an impressive amount of creativity and effort to create these things so you should appreciate them anyways.

So go to the Mystery Shack right now, to enrich your minds with the knowledge of all these wonderful and amazing creatures!! And while you're at it, why not en-rich the owner with all the money in your wallet, as thanks for the privilege of getting to do so! You won't regret it!

Go visit the Mystery Shack today!

[bc-byron]

Put a Horn On It

Put a horn on a horse And it becomes a unicorn. Put one on a zombie And it's now a zombicorn. If you put a horn in your corn, Does it become a cornicorn? If it's still on the cob, Then maybe cornicobicorn. Put a horn on your bottom And you're a bummicorn. Just be careful when you sit downicorn. If you put a horn on everything, You might become annoyacorn. I think you better stopicorn. -B.C.…

[gremlin-mom]

Cookie run cookies stopped being actual cookies so long ago those are not cookies that is Navy Commander Avery Renshaw and her best friend Cute Cute Cornicorn

Finally

My two braincells

[bennana]

Cornicorn is ALIVE!!!🤪🦄 These two are the rarest of the rare horny corny beasts because they have the most beautiful scaly green backs😍😍😍 #cornicorn #unicorn #🦄 #corn #maize #green #cute #emoji #plushie #handmade #limitededitions #rarebreed #fabricstore #stickers #stitchesbitches #🌽🌽🌽 #🦄🦄🦄 #tucsonart #handmadeintucson (at Unicorn) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0VXYJ3nJWr/?igshid=1f2que6az3z6o

[fordanoia]

I can heavily relate to both stan twins For instance I, on several occasions, also make lame jokes

[iamnomad98]

Some observations in Star vs. the Forces of Evil season 4

The contract Dennis signed for Castle Avarius in “Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell” contains a clause with a pet policy, and among the pets banned are “cornicorns”. (Someone should make a concept.)

One of the spells in the Spell Book is a disembowelment spell.

[scouts-thingsandrps]

Dipper made a 'so-so' motion with his hands before starting the tour since he couldn't find his grunkle.

So, it was his chance to repeat the script.

"Alright, step up to the mystery shack, where we put the fun in no refunds." Dipper's speech made it easy to tell this was scripted as the twelve-year-old led the three inside, though it took a couple moments to actually let the group in due to the lock getting jammed.

However, once inside, the group could see all sorts of 'attractions' from the mysterious town such as the invisible man, the jackalope, and the...cornicorn. These attractions looked as fake as they sounded, as stitching and invisible string could be easily seen.

Dipper moved toward the front of the room, allowing the three to look around before officially starting the tour.

Gravity 10 - A Closed Starter For Scouts-ThingsandRPs

It was yet another day of the Tennyson family roadtrip.

Hours of the Rustbucket, their RV, driving down the road had lead the three of them into the path of a seemingly sleepy town, seemingly a good next spot on their travels to visit.

'Welcome to Gravity Falls' read the sign they'd driven past.

Meanwhile as this was happening, a certain boy was bored out of his mind. There was nothing to do, and that was driving him up the figurative wall. He glanced down to the omnitrix on his wrist, but a disapproving glance from his cousin quelled that thought entirely

"Grandpa! We've been driving for hours, when are we gonna do something?" Ben complained

Gwen, his cousin, frowned at her cousin. Especially because he was currently kicking at her seat a little. "Cut it out, you've been saying that since we got here"

Ben stuck his tongue out at here

The cousin's grandfather, Max, glanced to both his grandchildren. He could tell the both of them were getting ansty. And also knew very well Ben might try to do something about if not discouraged.

Then he spotted something that might be the fix to this problem "Why don't we just stretch our legs?"

Ben could only sigh,staring from the window. With them pulling in, Ben saw the building they stopping at.

The mystery Shack

As soon as they made the stop, Ben hurried out of the RV. And immediately bumped into somebody

@scouts-thingsandrps

[themysteryshack]

Oh, dude, thanks for askin’! I would’ve answered earlier, ‘cept this job is way busier than I thought it’d be.  But oh man, don’t worry.  I’m havin’, like, an awesome time!

Bein’ a handyman is one thing, but bein’ Mr. Mystery has its whole new share’f crazy things along with it! Management, dude—man, y’know how much goes into that?  I mean, I’ve witnessed some crazy stuff—like Mr. Pines singing Bolivian Rhapsody in the shower!—but even that doesn’t compare to some of the wild things I’ve dealt with while runnin’ the shack.

Here’s just a few of ‘em, uh, if you’re interested:

The first day’f workin, I got my bowtie stuck in the vendin’ machine money slot! The good news is, th’ machine read it as a twenty, so I got like, a bucketful of snacks.  Beginner’s luck I guess, but still!

Some kinda sizing issue made our delivery of Extra Small T-shirts end up Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra Small.  But no worries, dude—it’s helped us corner the market on souvenirs for fairy tourists! Victory!

A weirdly cold day froze th’ Cornicorn (uh, what’s left of it) t’my shirt sleeve, so I got t’wear a corn-coated carcass on me all work day.  Job perks? Job perks, dude!

Some woman got angry about somethin’ and asked to speak to th’ manager. When I told her I was the manager, she asked t’speak to th’ owner. When I told her I was th’ owner, she got real mad and said this place needed Jesus.  Should, uh, should I have told her that was me, too?

I once found out a dude was stealin’ toilet paper rolls and hidin’ them in the Sascrotch.  Found out when TP started streamin’ out the thing’s nose. Still hasn’t told me why he did it, either…perhaps it’s too mighty a secret for us to know…

Eh, I guess all those things weren’t so bad, lookin’ back.  I mean, I’ve got Wendy t’help out any time I need her.  Oh!  And guess what, dudes?  Melody’s here too! No more long distance for us—she decided t’move down here after she finished her college stuff in Portland!  

Now she’s my associate co-captain, heh! Also, my really huggable girlfriend. You guys know how nice it is to squish-hug someone in person?  Like, real nice, dude!

But yeah, it’s somethin’ special, bein’ Mr. Mystery an’ all.  Sure, it’s not the same as havin’ Mr. Pines around all the time, but I’m doin’ my best to live up to his legacy!

It’d mean th’ world to make him proud, dude.

-SOOS-

[mysteriesofmarcy]

Avarius Castle Contract

I’ve paused the episode Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell at just the right spot to be able to read part of the contract that Dennis signed. Here is what it says:

4. USE & OCCUPANCY OF PROPERTY

The only person(s) living in the Leased Premises will be the Tenant(s). Servants, vassals, minions, and henchman will be allowed given that they spend no more than four (4) nights at the Leased Premises per month, and that they do not assist  in any plans of a devious nature that would result in legal or royal consequences to the Tenant(s) or previous lienholder.

5. LATE FEE

The rent is due in advance on or before the first day of each month. If the rent or other charges are not received by the Landlord on or before 5 days after the rent due date, Tenant must pay a fee of four thousand baskets of corn, or three liters of blood, or their first born child, collected immediately.

6. UTILITIES AND SERVICES

The previous lienholder, one Evil J. LandBaron, is not responsible for providing any utilities to the Tenant(s). The previous lienholder, one Evil J. LandBaron, is not even sure how Tenant(s) plan to get basic services, given that the Leased Premises are a ruined castle, but the previous lienholder, one Evil J. LandBaron, believes in letting people make their own mistakes.

7. PET POLICY

I, the undersigned, do hereby agree that no pets shall be kept on the property without permission of the previous lienholder, one Evil J. LandBaron. Pets shall include, but not be limited to cats, dogs, hamsters, eagles, spiders, evil crows, opposums, unicorns, warnicorns, cornicorns, and frogs.

I, the undersigned, do hereby surrender all of my money and promise to rebuild the property to its former specifications; and upon completion of said construction, do agree to surrender, in perpetuity, all right of ownership over said property to the previous lienholder, one Evil J. LandBaron.

[marypsue]

Nonny, I don’t have thoughts.

...I have an entire AU.

(Here’s a link to Hive, in case you haven’t already read it and don’t know what the fuss is about)

...

Dipper and Mabel leave without a fuss at the end of the summer. It’s best for everyone, this way. Fewer questions.

Each of the twins have been ‘the weird one’, at one point or another. They haven’t yet both been ‘the weird one’. There are whispers about flowers in the attic, about birth defects, about demons. At least they have each other, but the distance between Piedmont and Gravity Falls is excruciating, and grows more so by the day.

The forensic report, afterwards, says that the fire was started by a filmy scarf that Mabel had carelessly left draped over a lamp too long, too close to the bulb. Only the bones of the house remain, scorched black and warped with heat. Only the bones of the Pines parents remain, scorched black and fragile with ash. Nobody’s fault. 

The children’s great-uncles are already waiting at the hospital when the ambulance arrives. 

...

Gravity Falls is home, and family, and heart, and everything else that anyone could ever want, a perfect little sanctuary tucked away in the hollow of a valley in the middle of nowhere. 

Mabel is content there. Dipper is not. 

It’s - difficult - to want something for yourself, when you’re part of something so cohesive, something that is so good and warm and right. But Dipper’s very expensive camera equipment is gathering dust, and the anomalies of Gravity Falls still haven’t returned, and - somewhere, very deeply buried, he and Stan both remember Mabel’s carelessly-tossed scarf.

In the end, Stan takes Dipper’s side, and Dipper takes his first Bigfoot-hunting trip.

It’s only a day trip, a little ways down the coast. He can’t imagine being away any longer, any farther, not now. Not yet. But - it’s exhilarating. Like a salt sea wind to the inside of the head.

The world doesn’t have to be bound by the town limits of Gravity Falls. 

...

While Dipper’s becoming the darling of the online cryptid-hunting community, Mabel’s building a sweater empire. She’s manning (womanning?) her booth at the Bend farmers’ market when she meets Henry. 

Henry is six feet seven inches of gangly, freckled, bespectacled redhead, and Mabel looks up into his hazel eyes and has to have him. Not like she had to have the Princess Cornicorn playset for Christmas when she was eight years old. More like she had to have her brother when he was only halfway assimilated and there was a hollow spot in the middle of her and she needed she needed she needs -

It’s a year before she tells Henry what her family, her town is. Before she gives him the choice.

He chooses to stay, of course. By now he’s already practically one of them.

(Mabel doesn’t turn him. Not yet. But it’s not as though he’s leaving, not now. It’s not as though he has anything else left.)

...

Memory is a tricky thing.

Removing memories is an even trickier thing. And, while it’s possible to explain the existence of physical evidence left behind when the memories are erased, it makes it much harder to keep the dam from breaking.

Agents Powers and Trigger return to Washington uncertain of what they were doing in Gravity Falls in the first place. What they find in Washington only leads to more confusion. They were investigating Gravity Falls, but why? What was there that warranted so much surveillance? So much intrigue? 

They’re the laughingstock of the FBI. They’re pulled up before their superiors more than once for pursuing a will-o’-the-wisp. Chasing down an x-file. Following a hunch.

But there’s something in Gravity Falls. And eventually, the agents make their way back to the source.

...

The longer and the farther Dipper stays away, the more his mind feels like his own.

He’s a fixture at conventions. He joins other hunters’ videos and drops in on podcasts. He’s always chasing myths and monsters across countries, continents. So long as he always returns to Gravity Falls, nothing stops him. 

Her name is Mikaela, Kay for short. Her focus is ghost hunting. She and Dipper have run into each other at four of the five last conventions he’s been to. He’s sat in some of her panels. She’s insightful and brilliant and funny. 

The thing in the back of his head snaps and snarls, but the convention’s in Maine and Dipper, emboldened by the distance and the head-rush of defiance, asks her if she wants to get drinks. 

...

Mabel doesn’t assimilate Henry.

And doesn’t assimilate Henry.

And doesn’t assimilate Henry.

Sure, he asked her not to. Sure, his entire life is basically within Gravity Falls now anyway. But - Mabel wants him. She wants, and yet, it feels like...like she’s waiting for something. Like Christmas morning. Like the spotlight to come up.

It’s exhilarating when they both propose (on the same day, through an honestly hilarious twist of fate), it’s brilliant, it’s wonderful, it’s everything...except, it’s not time yet. Dipper comes back for the wedding and everyone is home and even Grunkle Stan seems happy, genuinely happy and not just background happy, when Henry leans down and kisses Mabel, and if ever there was a perfect dramatic moment to give him a lungful of spores it would be this one, but...she doesn’t. Even she isn’t sure why.

And then, there comes a day when one, two, three little brand new sparks tug briefly at the back of her mind, and Mabel realises, oh. That’s why.

...

They’re in Japan, and it’s the middle of the night, and they’re flying out at an ungodly hour of the morning, but Dipper wakes up and knows that this is it. This is going to be his one chance.

He leans across the bed and shakes Kay awake, grips her by the shoulders like he can embed what he knows into her flesh. The basement. Mabel’s scarf. The sickening, sweet, slow tug of contentment.

“Whatever happens,” Dipper demands, giving Kay another shake. Her eyes are wide, frightened, and he thinks good. She ought to be afraid. Of this, of him. “Don’t - don’t let me convince you to join.”

“What?” Kay asks, and Dipper shakes his head. It’s already creeping back up on him, driving its hooks into his consciousness. There’s nowhere on this planet far enough away to be free. 

“I’m going to try to tell you I’m happy. That we’re all happier, better, that you’d be happier and better too. Don’t listen to me. Whatever you do, don’t listen -”

When Dipper wakes up, Kay starts. She’s up, a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth as she throws the rest of her toiletries back into her suitcase.

“Hey,” Dipper says. “Was I talking in my sleep last night?” 

...

Stan hasn’t been himself, since.

Strictly speaking, none of them have been quite themselves, since strictly speaking none of them are separate individuals any longer. But Stan - Ford thinks he took it hard. Possibly because of his age. Possibly because he fought. 

A lot of things, Ford thinks, would be better if Stan hadn’t fought. 

But he had, and now the damage is done, and Stan’s...not unhappy. The hive supports him, of course, provides a hammock of love and joy and positivity even when Stan’s own inclination is towards a low. There’s something melancholy in him, something Ford almost wishes he’d recognised when they were still children. Perhaps then things would have turned out differently.

Perhaps not.

But whatever the melancholy, it seems to have been the thing that gave Stan his edge. He doesn’t joke, as much, anymore. Doesn’t laugh like he used to. Of course he’s content, no one could be part of something as wonderful as their hive and be unhappy, but - every so often Ford can’t help a traitor thought that Stan could be happier. 

So perhaps he has encouraged Stan’s tendency towards solitude. The taxidermy in the shed, the lone hunting trips - it’s all right, now. Stan’s one of them, part of them. Giving him his space won’t do any further harm. 

It’s only when Stan’s thoughts explode with fear and pain all over the inside of Ford’s head that Ford realises how wrong he was.

...

The site is an abandoned mental hospital, shut down due to flooding in the lower levels. Kay’s got a new EMF ‘ghost box’ apparatus that’s supposed to let spirits speak in real-time using electromagnetic frequencies that she’s been dying to test out. Dipper’s behind the camera for once.

The first floor is uneventful. There isn’t much by way of activity, and Kay seems disappointed. The second floor, though, is full of cold spots and eerie feelings, sudden inexplicable anxiety and overwhelming sadness. 

Kay’s in the middle of excitedly telling the viewers why these emotions might be transferred from spiritual residue when Dipper hears it. A bang, away down the closed-off hall to their right. He can’t help himself, he whips the camera away from Kay’s face to look through the window, and could swear he sees a flash of light through the dingy window set into the metal double doors.

“Did you see that?” he demands, pointing at the hall. Kay’s there in an instant, turning to mug surprise and excitement at the camera as she pushes open the doors and steps through.

And then she’s gone.

The forensic report, afterwards, notes that the damp from the flooded basement had caused the entire east wing to rot out from the inside. The first and second floors had both collapsed long before Mikaela ever set foot within its doors. She fell three stories.

Dipper stops going to conventions, after that.

...

The two government agents have cornered Stan, on a lone hunt. One of them’s shot him, while his mouth was open. One petal of flesh dangles limp, teeth chattering, from the bottom of his face. 

Mabel pulls him back, into the crowd, out of harm’s way as the townsfolk press in. The younger of the two government agents is still waving his pistol around, like it’ll do anything, naked fear in his eyes. The older of the two has his back against a tree and the look of a man condemned to death.

“Stay back, all of you!” the younger agent yells, pointing his pistol in Ford’s general direction. Ford wonders if he’s the one who shot Stanley. “I’m warning, you, I’m - I -”

The hive closes like a fist.

...

“Congratulations!” the nurse at the hospital in Bend says, looking from Henry to Mabel. Her smile falters slightly at the sight of Mabel’s eyes, but she recovers impressively, tucking a baby into each of Mabel’s arms and one into Henry’s. “You’ve delivered three healthy, happy infants.” She looks at Mabel a bit oddly, again, as she adds, “They’re certainly the happiest, calmest infants I’ve seen in a long time.”

Mabel beams at the nurse. The nurse gives her a strained smile, and pats her knee through the hospital blanket. “Anything I can get you...dear...before I go?”

“No,” Mabel says, looking down at the little bundles in her arms. “Thank you!”

Three healthy, happy babies, she thinks, rocking the girls gently in her arms while Henry stares with astonished wonder down at his son. Three healthy, happy little queens-to-be.

Very soon, the Gravity Falls hive will no longer be alone.

[fordofthefalls]

Ford grinned widely, before leading her towards the entrance of the Mystery Shack. The sign atop had never been fixed, so it still looked like it read 'MYSTERY HACK'.

Opening the door, Ford gestured forth before following her inside.

"I think we still have the cornicorn... that one is my favorite." He mumbled to himself.

Hands you Riley Matthews

{ @cottoncandy-face }

"Ah! Uh, greetings! Is there something I can help you with?"

[gempathic]

@multimuseum​

“Really? You don’t think that Cornicorn is kinda—?” Steven completely forgot what he was going to say, or anything about the creepy exhibits he passed on the walk through the shack. He only honed in on the adorable pig in front of him.

“OH MY GOSH!” Steven gasped, reaching out to carefully poke his snout. “He’s so cute! And pink! Ahh…c-can I hold him for a sec?” He asked hopefully.