#cool I don’t fucking care lol
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Confession I feel like I can make now that I’ve removed myself from the swiftdom: I still listen to a lot of non-tv versions of songs just bc I like them more
#lilly talks#taylor swift#also like#she’s a fucking billionaire#she’ll be ok lol#‘but the principal!’#cool I don’t fucking care lol#OH#I also listen to Need#like all the time#one of my fav Taylor songs#I am fine with pirating songs she hasn’t released#I do not care lmao#and I never have
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insane how quickly something small can tank my mood
#i am so tired of being cut off when i’m talking#esp when someone doesn’t even care enough to realize i was over halfway through a sentence#and doesn’t ask what i was saying#or when they just make it incredibly obvious they weren’t paying attention or outright don’t care what i’m talking about#even when i’m talking super excitedly#it makes me feel so fucking small and unimportant#like yeah i guess the shit i say doesn’t matter 99% of the time but it matters to ME#but it hurts so bad when i get cut off only for someone else to say stuff entirely unrelated#and to then just like. stream of consciousness ramble every thought that enters their head#like okay. cool. awesome. alright#my mom does that all the time i’ll be telling her something and then i’ll get cut off or she’ll wait til i’m done#to out of nowhere start telling me super in depth life histories of people she hasn’t seen since she was a child. or people i don’t know.#and it’ll always be so in depth about so many people idk OR so fucking vague i get confused as hell#in the typical boomer just needs to talk at someone or hear their own voice way (sorry ily mom)#and i know i can go on for ages about fandom shit that confuses her or she doesn’t know about but#idk. i do not have much else in my life right now. and i only have her and my sibling and very very few friends that aren’t online#and even irl friends i only see a couple times a year each if i’m lucky#i just hate my life lol and i need to stop before i spiral#i have already gone on long enough and will be embarrassed when i come back to delete this because honestly who gives a shit#i need to get over myself#to be deleted#personal
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#AUIAGAHAIVDKFJFHDNSKXJ#sorry#don’t mind me#on tonight’s edition of i don’t have a diary so i’m using tumblr tags#I JUST. HMMMMMM.#sorry for the second day in a row lmao. at least today we got a fun fresh funky gender crisis instead of sexuality.#i’m literally about to leave for college where nobody knows me and it’s not like i was out to lot of people here but. idk#and whatever tf is going on w my gender has never even been spoken aloud lol#from like being kiiiiiiind of a little bit out here#which is. nothing bad has happened. nobody cares. it’s just my friends.#but goddamn#literally i keep coming to the conclusion that i. don’t want people to know. and i feel bad#not even as like a safety thing. or even#i don’t even know#there’s something in me that is so so so so scared#and i just. don’t want it to be something people know about me#but not even as like#UUUUUGGHHHHGGGH#i hate words#i don’t feel bad about it being a part of me. i just#i want it to stay like. with me. which doesn’t even fucking make sense#bc all i do is agonize in the middle of the night. it’s not even like. pride. just sheer#i don’t know#wow ok. goodnight i guess i was not expecting to think abt that tonight holy shit#i literally couldn’t even say it in this whole wall of fucking text wtf is wrong with me lmao.#ok 👍 cool 👍#night
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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually
#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can#i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed#i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline#my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up#and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf#it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do#it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time#kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly#it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly#it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person#it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional#worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses#it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better#and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL
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crazy but true: the easiest way to make friends is to fucking lie
#STORY TIME i saw this guy in roblox 🤓 with a damien thorn avatar and i walk up to him like omg no way damien he’ll park can’t say hell lol#and uhhh yeah we get talking about sp naturally the conversation moves to ships cause we’re clearly both fucking faggots#and errr yeah we were talking about the movie how we both ship gregstophe#he says his fav ship is dip and he loves pip#my first thought? LIE. fucking lie. okay well no that’s my second thought. my first is to say “i want to see pip hanging” so i say that#and then that’s when i fucking lie. “nah im jk i like pip tbh”#i do not. but that’s okay really i just don’t care that much about him. like yeah he exists i guess#now i realise i must ask a very important question. kyman yes or no. tells you a lot about a person.#so i ask him. he’s a kyman anti. luckily for me i simultaneously love and hate them whilst also having no opinion on them at all so i can#use this to my advantage and agree with him#okay cool we’re friends now. i can’t stop winning!#guys don’t be like me. don’t lie to make friends just tell the truth. tell the truth to the damien hell park guy on roblox god damnit
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Thinking about how Lincoln and Chris are both SUPER jealous people. Love them but that must’ve been a crazy marriage lmaoo
#literally the only thing we know about Chris is that they were jealous at the idea of Link EVER remarrying 😭#and Link was soooo jealous of anything that got his dads’ attention as a kid#LIKE. he hates the number 4 merely for the idea of his dads having another kid lmao#they can’t have any hobbies than Link doesn’t also have (trains and dance classes lol)#he made them get rid of their cat#he gave fucking LAXATIVES to the other homeschool kids 😭😭😭😭😭#at least he doesn’t seem to be that way with anyone but his parents…?#this was prompted by me relistening to S2E5 btw#when Scary says she’s going to the dance with someone else#and Link quickly goes from being like ‘oh yeah it’s chill we’re just going as friends’#to ‘you have a date now? that’s cool whatever I totally don’t care’ etc. hehwhaha#so I think Lincoln is probably just as jealous with other people he loves (his friends spouses etc) but he’s just more subtle about it#WELL. not subtle lol. but he TRIES to be subtle at least 😭❤️ love him#anyway this is so… ignore this#just rambling about my guys 🫶#chalcy stuff
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Inosaku for ship bingo👀
Sorry 😭。。。
#karmelarts#tkf replies#I don’t have any strong feelings for Sakura character wise outside of like knowing that kishimoto dropped the ball on her and made her so#male centered and a flop despite her strength 😭…#what is she gave up on sasuke- she could’ve been sm more interesting to me but I don’t really think of her like that tbh#ino has always been really cool to me and you can tell that she’s always cared about others around her even tho we don’t get enough of her#in canon after a while#but she’s a girls girl#and you can tell that she cared sm about Sakura#a lot of their earlier beef was over a gay ass boy 😭…. and that friendship at the time only soured because of Sakura tbh#it’s a whatever ship to me but I see the appeal and the art of the two is rly nice even tho it’s like yeah okay lol#I wouldn’t even say it’s forced since it makes sm sense and ppl give more grace to m/m ships even when they’ve barely interacted in canon#because of misogyny™️#like fr but it’s never like gripped me at all and I know that a lot of ppl ship it simply because they’re like ‘a#ahhh Sakura deserves someone who’s going to treat her right fuck sasuke! she’s a lesbian actually-‘ and I just 🧍🏾♀️
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So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.
Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so
I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.
#and then I post this for what? attention?#I dunno… this just made me feel really shitty#like… you can’t just leave me alone?#you know I’m having a rough go at it and you think this is the perfect time to insert yourself into my life?#I don’t care about your puss!#I really really have to reiterate I have never ever had a real conversation with this person#we’ve never talked or hung out and I always avoided them#god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama.#and I want to imagine all this as just someone who never grew up buuut…#they found my phone number. they went looking for my personal information. they’ve been stalking at least one of my social media pages.#probably twitter but who knows maybe here too#this is like… 15-20 years of this. why? why are you still obsessed with this?#and maybe these texts don’t seem so bad but I’ve had to block them on Facebook too#and that was after my ex and I broke up a few years back#it’s like she waits until my life gets extra shitty and then tries to convince me that we’re old friends & she wants to date finally#fuckin… just… not really cool ya know. damn.#stalker lady… I am not worth all this pining. just move on.#lol but I have been saying “my puss is so wet right now’ to myself all day so that’s a positive#anyway… sorry to post this bullshit. just wanted to vent.#sorry if you read all of this#text
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I’m always so fascinated by fan culture.. is there like genuine research on why people act the way they do to normal human beings.
#stupid snake talk#like why ppl are obsessed with face reveals#and information in general but my mind went to face revelas#cause I remembered that one person who like.. analyzed faceless YouTubers handwriting I think.. or smth like that and tried to draw what#they imagined their face to be#and general people jsut being obnoxious about asking#I have never ever in my life cared about what a youtuber has looked like ever#I didn’t know a lot of herm1tcraft members were open about what they look like for that very reason#I JUST DONT CARE..#so it’s like facinating to see it be such a big deal#like w/ r4nboo i never cared about seeing their eye#I could not personally give a fuck about what their eyes looked like at all#but I WAS happy that they were seemingly feeling more comfortable in their body#that’s cool#but even then it was like.. idk it was a distanced ‘wow proud of u’#maybe it’s cuz I’m always overly self aware of how I act about ccs due to like leftover purity culture#but I’m always so aware of like.. I don’t KNOW this cc they aren’t my friend they aren’t my anything ever they just make content#and I never will and I also don’t have a desire to#and it’s just truly like incomprehensible to me that someone would#lol#this was a long rant just to say ‘I don’t get why that guy is so special.. that’s just a guy?’#that’s a grown ass person I will never know and likely never speak too or even see in person#I got fictional characters to be rotating in my brain I don’t have time to think about what fuckin tu/bbos favorite color is or whatever#idc#at all
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Thanks DENA for the early birthday gift.
#rosies rambles#pokemon masters#pokemon masters ex#pokemon masters datamine#pokemon cheren#pokemon roxie#pokemon clay#I don’t care if his grid sucks I will still use him lmao#SO ANYWAYS THE DATAMINE#UNOVA YAAAAAAAA#and tbh I actually don’t really need the units this time lol#I’m happy that Hilbert gets another alt tho lol#Hilda and N look nice too idc that they got another alt in what 3 months? lol#Ghetsis of course gets his ex and power up like usual#Colress and Hugh are cool too they are spotlight though so you know don’t have the highest priority on them#but for me I’m probably scouting on Colress because I like him lol#there was also these things for Eevee Day? idk what it meant and I kinda don’t care lol#anyways Cheren ex is all that matter to me fuck you all lmao /hj
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okay the archon quest as a whole was pretty good like the plot and storyline were strong and furina’s writing was good would’ve been better if you cut out the entirety of the fortress of meropide
however some of those acts were too long and i cant wholeheartedly support shit that makes me ass hurt
to compare to sumeru, personally i like the main cast of sumeru more but fontaine had a better storyline glad to see their writing improve somewhere
#genshin impact#so yeah that was pretty cool#i like the plot but i have slightly less emotional investment in the individual characters outside of furina#not that they were bad i just don’t really care#proof complaining matters#inazuma was so fucking bad they had to fix everything else#imagine if inazuma came after fontaine?#but i hate that place more than anything i’m never going back lol
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This is my year for romance, I’m manifesting true love. 💕
I call all my power back to me.
&I JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT SOOOO MUCH GUAP BOUTTA COME MY WAY, thank The Most High for revealing true colors, just in time. 🙌🏾
#being stupid you gon’ lose out#I love me a trill nigga#squire#idk if I could fw a white boy tho lol#that’s crazy#nigga would rather chase hoes#than love the one#you a stupid bitch son#sassy ass#messy and petty#dumb dumb#if a bitch impressed#she lame#don’t even care about the money#it was the principle#why be messy#that’s GAY#gotta diss me to feel cool#lmfao#wack as fuck#my pastor gave me $1000 right after that situation#IM REALLY HER
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the problem is that at the end of the day i wanted to be a doctor but i don’t have the self discipline confidence academic capability courage and memory to go through medicine and residency and i’ll do physical therapy which is cool and i like it a lot but i wanted to be a doctor and i’m scared i’ll always be partially unsatisfied. maybe i should have changed field all together to numb the pain rather than choosing a career where i literally work with and see doctors all day. but i wanted to not starve lmao
#even if. even if. i tried the entrance tests again which won’t happen#i would fail#i literally am not good at that shit#i got into PT school by a miracle those types of tests kick my ass#i’ve already tried twice and both went :/#but let’s pretend i get in#i don’t have the self discipline to study as much as med students do all day#i can literally manage 2-3 hours on a good day!!!#my brain just doesn’t work like fucking that!! i would fail#but let’s pretend i manage to do the six years#i’d be a horrible doctor#i’m not fucking brave enough and stable enough and i would care!!! a lot but i’m dumb#wonder how soon i’d be sued for malpractice for making a mistake lol#and the constant anxiety??#yet… yet#i’ll always grieve it#it’s just something i have to get over with but i know i’ll never be fully satisfied with anything else#i’m afraid that one day by a miracle i’ll graduate PT and i’ll be like oh cool ig#because it wasn’t what i wanted deep down#i like it!!!!! but :/#also it’s often not taken seriously and it can be pretty disheartening to see people’s opinion on it#i’m sad#i’m a sad girl#vent tag
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3 straight days of work starting tomorrow at the Hilton, then next week I’m booked in for waiting shifts there again for a couple days and hopefully I’ll get shifts at this other fancy place I done waiting shifts at before next week too coz it’s cool working there and I need the shifts lol
Is it sad I’m excited to work lol? I haven’t worked since the 6th and I’m so use to a busy schedule with work I’ve been kinda going crazy lmfao
#work#it’s all waiting/wine waiting/bar stuff . mostly waiting tables or wine waiting or plate waiting#it’s a fancy function tomorrow I had to find a black tie that would fit me coz I’m so small lmfao#i applied for those shifts might get booked in. hope so. it’s a temp agency app this one#my other main work has no shifts rn or they’re mad at me and if so idgaf lol#I done nothing ok maybe I skipped work a few times with excuses but I was very depressed and not even caring at the time#i pick and choose my shifts even with the main company I work for however they may ask me a favour to do a shift out the blue and if I can#and I want to I will and I do enjoy it. but I have applied to other bars with more stable hours tbh#but I can still do temp work but idk about my main work bc it isn’t agency it’s just..they staff..#various venues and bars but they’re the main ones if that makes sense?? lol#rambles in tags#what happened was I gave myself time off but then I got very dark and depressed lol and declined shifts but now I’ve gone mad and am trying#to book every shift available that I enjoy which is bar/waitressing . IDK WHY I WNJOY IT#bar work is the best but I still enjoy waitressing. I’ve had some shitty jobs man. i enjoy it but it’s more than that ifk#I don’t question it if I’m happy I’m happy. I’m quite bubbly irl kinda annoying to some but whatever#worker at this Hilton so many times but usually it’s breakfast/afternoon tea service but this is a fancy function but I’ve done loads#of those but point is: different permanent staff idk work there whereas I’ve gotten to know ALL the fucking morning:afternoon staff &#they’ll be at another part probably which isn’t far away lol I just wonder who tf my manager tomorrow will be#but I know my temp agency worker will be there for everyone this time but she isn’t usually they must be desperate for staff she’s known to#also help out when needed which is so cool of her#it’s funny you get to know the agency workers. i know a few we even message each other lol.. we run into each other almost all the time#sometimes you get on with people sometimes not lol but if it flows it flows so whatever right? idk I’m high but yes
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you ever realized how wrong you were about an album
#listened to this adultery is ripe for the first time in. a while#MAN. MAN#I was SO mean to it for no reason it’s honestly really good#idc if it’s ‘amatuer’ idc ‘objectively their weakest album’#WHO. CARE!!!!!#i completely forgot time for tenderness existed btw. god everything hurts so bad#they honestly have no ‘least favourite albums’ for me#i might like some slightly less. but they’re all in the age area of being fucking amazing and cool and awesome for me#*same area not age area LOL#anyway. what I mean to say is#i was very very wrong about this adultery and I#am mad at myself for being like ‘oh I hate it a lot lol’ about it#like genuienly. I don’t get past me#yeah doctor doctor’s intro is pretty long. its still really good and frankly#I like the drawl so bad with Whitney’s vocals in their early stuff so this is good for me#and also. why did I hate on the title track that much#because it’s not bad really. sure I like it slightly less than some of the other songs#but i liked listening to it!#i don’t really dislike something unless I actively want it to stop and I have to make myself keep listening#also also super super side note#jennifer and Cecilia & the silhouette saloon are like half sisters to me#do you understand my vision#I love both songs very much btw#obvs I love Cecilia. Cecilia Moore exists and all and she’s semi inspired by that song#mainly in a more literal sense though but eh#im rambling ehre its 1 in the morning I need to sleep#alas. more tbb posts to post#evil neighing compilation
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dr who is like….. really bad sometimes ??
#txt#not all the time. i loved eccleston and most of tenant has been good so far. But#the shit with the doctor not only being a cool silly guy who likes to hop around and help people#but also The Most Inportant Guy Ever#who warrants near-constant praise from literally everyone#is really irritating#bc then they like.. try to remember what it was like when the doctor was like. a normal flawed person with a complicated history#and write an episode where he just fucking loses it and causes a woman to kill herself#and i know he will probably be totally redeemed and forgiven by the next episode or he’ll die or whatever and it won’t be brought up again#it’s really fucking sloppy lol it’s not very good writing#maybe i’ll change my mind by the end of this arc or whatever#but fucl it’s like you’re away from donna for 2 weeks and you become an egotistical time lord supremacist freak? its so boring I Don’t Care#i’m not making a watch tag for this I don’t give a fuc
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