#constant panic attacks.

[lucifersruberduck]

Lulu is back and has a question for everyone

What is an achievement that makes you happy? Doesn't have to be big or grand, can be as simple as "I drank water today", as long as it's something you're proud of

Beating agoraphobia without ever going to therapy, I wouldn't say it was all by myself, but I certainly did it alone (it was during pandemic, my family was really stressed out with other things, never noticed I don't blame them for that <3).

[piningbuddies]

oliver: yeah so buck’s always been bi. it’s who he is. yeah there’s definitely aspects of attraction to men. there’s definitely always been something there. yeah i mean if the storyline develops naturally with eddie then i guess it’s meant to go there. oh buck heard whatta man as he saw eddie for the first time there was absolutely attraction there lol.

me, trying to act as a functional human being in society:

[cloud-hymn]

Every night Jing Yuan prays to Lan that Baiheng doesn’t randomly appear on the Luofu somehow alive and trying to kill the other three

[an-animagi]

i just realised that saikis germanium ring is his version of noise cancelling headphones woah

[jahaliel]

so last week on tuesday i went in for a one on one with my boss.

except it wasnt a one on one it was a meeting telling me my position at the company would be made redundant as of last thursday.

they fuckin walked me out of the office like a goddamn criminal too.

officially, i am now unemployed and terrified out of my mind. i did get a redundancy package, so the situation isn't immediately dire, but it has put me on a short time frame to find something new, especially considering the christmas hols coming up.

if im not around much that's why.

its my birthday next week i dont really feel like celebrating.

(absolutely no fucking pressure at all but i do have a ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/jahaliel) and a throne (https://throne.com/melodyrainne) if you felt like helping me build a bit of a buffer)

[dreamerdrop]

Sloanshir Smut: 1.5k of the most uncomfortable poorly communicated sex ever written.

Garashir Smut: 3k and counting and it's like 80% them refusing to shut up and actually have sex.

[callme-aprilroseisha04]

so guess what happened to me this morning

[likeadog]

theres almost something funny abt telling my friends abt my breakup and theyre like wow thats awf and im like yeah and shes 28 and theyre like. HOLD ON. 28?

[figofswords]

thinking about taking a little bit of a step back from social media for a bit for mental/physical health reasons (as in: chronic severe anxiety is causing chronic health issues and I need to remove stress Somehow). I will still post art but I’m probably gonna make an effort to engage with my dash only minimally, if at all. (that being said I have very poor discipline so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff out of nowhere just. roll with it)

[autisticlee]

sometimes I have autistic realizations that hit really hard.

I'm listening to a podcast (science vs) episode about meditation and what it does/how you do it/if it works. first there was an example of a meditation for mindfulness and focusing on breathing and how it feels. I was thinking how that seems pointless because i'm always aware of how it feels to breathe: my chronically stuffy nose, asthma, ribcage/back hurting if I breathe too deep/etc. but I already knew I have to think about breathing more than most people or I might accidentally hold my breath, and my chronic stuffy nose is very annoying to deal with.

then this part i'm at now talks about how most people go through taking a shower without really realizing they're doing it, like they arent feeling the shower sensations and just go through the motions. so mindful showering is feeling the water on your skin, feeling the temperature of the water and how it changes, etc. "being present, knowing what it feels like, knowing you are there and alive and having that experience..." and that's what mindfulness is.

the thing about me, due to being autistic, i'm basically practicing mindfulness 24/7 against my will. my sensory units in my brain are on constant overdrive and I cannot turn them off. i'm aware of every sensation and feeling and sound and etc at all times and can't ignore them.

the big realization this gave me is that...I'm profoundly aware of being alive and present. i'm overly aware of what i'm experiencing at all times. while most people can use mindfulness to ground themselves from overwhelm and anxiety caused by every day life worries, I GET anxiety and overwhelm from mindfulness-like experiences.

how do i tune things out and turn off my brain? I need an anti-mindfulness method that isn't dissociating out of my mind 😅

[chromiumhater]

I am going to have a good fucking day tomorrow. I don't give a shit what my brain thinks is trying to kill me or trying to end the world. Tomorrow is going to be a Good. Fucking. Day.

[sadgirlautumn]

My brain just loops random bits and pieces of the great impersonator 24/7

[batwynn]

Me, immunocompromised and blessed with Emetophobia, reading that the new COVID variant includes 2-5 days of barfing and that everyone’s seen someone doing that in stores and in the middle of the road and at work and—

[bcbryar]

I'm going to make breakfast. At three-thirty pm. And it's going to be fine. There won't be a fire. I won't get electrocuted. It'll be fine and I'll be able to eat and it'll be fine. And after that I'll do scary hour. And I won't cry and I won't faint and I'll be able to eat my food beforehand. And it'll be fine.

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Do I buy another coffee? Yes or yes?

[aveil-moved]

hi i hope everyone is doing good i’m giving you all a big hug… <3