#considering how many flowers here are just like family associated for me

[noxious-fennec]

PLEASEEEE tell me about the symbolism in your drawing Oh i am dying to know

HII why thank you for asking!! I'll try my best to answer concisely but Tl;dr I'm not normal about either cwilbur or flower symbolism :) it also must be noted that a lot of my decisions are entirely based on my personal cultural experience so I hope if anything you find it interesting.

For an overview, The peice is inspired by art nouveau, namely alphonse mucha and henri privat livemont, and is mostly based on this hamlet production poster by the former. The composition however is not based on said illustration, and is slightly inspired in part by stained glass and fences of the movement. The clothing cwilbur is wearing is from the edwardian period, if I've got my references correct it's earlier in the period, though not any year in particular. It differs drastically in the fact that the colors are very vibrant (I can't help putting cwil in shades of red, ho16 permanently changed my brain chemistry), and that the Cape part of the inverness cape is entirely too short. Otherwise I've attempted to keep the general silhouette accurate.

Now the plant symbolism:

First: Arabian jasmine (which fun fact are not actually the same as the 4 petal vine yasmine, has a different name, Full (فل), and they grow on shrubs) and the Damascus rose go together because of two reasons: 1) i didn't know other flowers to put there and 2) they're very closely tied in my brain. If you try to find their symbolism you'll find a lot of things about beauty and purity, as is common with any white flower or rose, but my reasoning differs. Without going into too much detail, I intended for them to symbolise community and belonging.

Daffodils (the ones depicted are the ones most common in my region, they may not resemble the expectations but they are indeed daffodils) mean death rebirth and hope, its a flower i generally associate with cwil. Same meaning goes for the white lilies. And poppies have a heavy association with war and generally symbolise remeberance and hope for peace, and thus, l'manberg association.

The next five are flowers that represnt certain characters strictly based on cwilbur's preception of them, but they can be applied to others as well, i just thought these were most important:

Freesia: especially when yellow, usually means thoughtfulness, trust and friendship. represents cranboo.

Orange/tiger lilly: pride, hatred, status, tenacity.  Cquackity

Lilly of the valley: cmon we all know this one, ctommy

Boat orchid: virtue and morality, a gesture of respect and friendship. Ctubbo

Gladiolus: diminutive of gladius(sword); strength of character, moral integrity and rememberance. ctechno

pomegranate tree and fruit: pomegranates have a very different connotation in Western media, from what I can glean, as opposed to what I'm used to them being perceived as (I won't derail this but I can elaborate if needed). In short, I've chosen to take advantage of this double meaning and so its here to represent life death and resurrection while the tree is for family and home.

On a side note, I was originally going to do night blooming jasmine (مسك الليل) but it wasn't working, the symbolism of it however still stand: its a flower many love and think smells amazing, but rarely do they actually want the burden of having it in their own yards because of how deathly strong it smells. I was intending on using it to symbolise the complicated nature of cwilbur's relationship with the important people in his life.

And finally, the olive tree: aside from its meanings of peace and friendship, olive trees also mean olive oil which is a product with many healing properties that is not too easy to make and requires a lot of work. i chose it to mean healing and the process thereof.

So yeah that's it, hope it's up to expectation and thanks for the interest means a lot to me <33

[buckrecs]

ur account is my absolute go to!!! any chance u could rec biker!bucky fics 🥺🥺🥺

Biker!Bucky

masterlist | req masterlist

ONESHOT

Wanted by @jadedvibes

You consider ending things with Bucky after seeing a girl come on to him, but it's not that easy, and you get a hard reminder about who he really wants in the clubhouse bathroom.

Best Friends? Nah. by @wicked-mind

Classic best friends don’t realize feelings for each other until someone points it out.

Business as Usual by @world-of-aus

Not My Babe by @avecra

After a nasty break up to a nearly two year relationship, you find yourself dragged to a bar by your best friend, though a familiar blue-eyed biker makes the best of your crappy situation.

rough around the edges by @wndalovebot

Let Me Love You Old School by @mysecretlittlelibrary

Bucky meets you at a diner and plans to sweep you completely off your feet.

The Bogeyman and Other Monstrosities by @pellucid-constellations

As the local biker club president, Bucky Barnes had a reputation for being tougher than nails and feared by many—he’d never be caught dead at a halloween street fair. Too bad his best girl always got what she wanted.

Waiting Game by @buckychrist

You knew being associated with one of the most notorious and dangerous biker gangs in the city was bad, let alone scandalously dating their kingpin in secret, but you never thought you’d have to face those consequences. Until now.

Home by @all1e23

Bucky runs into his ex at a winter carnival the MC is helping host, but she didn’t come alone.

Whatever It Takes by @sgtjbuccky

Bucky Barnes knows the way to drive you up the wall in frustration, fed up with it, you show him that you know how to play just the same.

deny me by @drewbarymore

In which you feel like Bucky’s ashamed of you.

Drunk, Dumped and Empty by @green-eyeddragonfanfiction

After a nasty breakup, you go out drinking. After an absolute creep hits on you, you’re saved from a concussion by a mysterious, kind man, who reveals himself to be Bucky Barnes. The bar you’re in is a bit suspect, but you never expected him to be head of a biker gang.

yayo by @sergeantxrogers

“I need you safe. I need you here, and I need you safe, and I need, God please, I need you to let me in, baby, just let me in and I promise I’ll make it all better,” his broken voice pleaded through the door.

Drabble by @fandoms-writings

Biker!Bucky x tattooed!reader

hot and cold by @bucksfucks

you & bucky had never gotten along, but when your ex-boyfriend ransom turns up at the same bar you’re at, bucky goes to every length to protect you.

How To Get Away With Murder by @empyreanwritings

Bucky was always good at helping you clean up your messes, which is why he doesn't bat an eye when you show up on his doorstep covered in your abusive boyfriend's blood.

Hush by @buckysknifecollection

Bucky finds a stray kitten but he doesn’t know anything about cats. A friendly librarian helps him out.

little favors by @onceuponastory

Since Bucky saved her from her shitty boss, Y/N hasn’t seen him again. For a while, she gets closer and closer to giving up hope. Until he comes back. And this time, he’s asking for her help.

SERIES

Swallow by @all1e23

Since he was fifteen years old, Bucky Barnes has only been sure of two things; the club should be the most essential thing in his life, and he’d burn it all down for you.

Delicate Edges by @wkemeup

Your family’s beloved flower shop was not the only thing you inherited when your parents passed. Trapped under a mountain of debt to the Hydra club, you bear the cost of your father’s desperate bargain. It’s only in moments when the charming Bucky Barnes walks into your shop that you can forget the cruelty of the biker clubs of this town. But a war is brewing. The border is crumbling. You're trapped in the middle. And Bucky will stop at nothing to keep you safe.

For The Best by @metalbuckaroo

Bucky is tired of waiting for you to realize what you're doing. He does the only thing he can think of to break the cycle.

White Horses by @whitewolfbumble

Kicked out of school and exiling yourself in a town time forgot, one little incident lands the sights of the locally infamous Avengers biker gang square on you. Wild horses run faster and there was no chance to turn back now.

Howlin’ For You by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

When Y/N gets an unreal deal on her first home, she wonders why her neighbor scared away all the other buyers. Despite being cautious, she wonders why the town has given Bucky Barnes a bad name.

Brotherhood & Bullets by @rookthorne

The 107th motorcycle club has been the protector of their collective hometown for many, many years - shouldering all the bloodshed and loss that came with it. Little did you know, you'd become the President's own twisted version of an angel on his shoulder; the tips of your angelic wings tinged red by your own demons.

Stars & Stripes, Studs & Spikes by @buckyismybicycle

The crew has always been tight, but you and Bucky are best of friends. When Bucky sees Brock's mark on you, he nearly loses it and wants to end Brock for good. But, there's something more important - keeping you safe.

call me baby by @cherryrogers

Returning to Brooklyn for the summer after a year of travelling from city to city, you hadn’t expected to find your best friend, Peggy Carter, hopelessly in love with a biker, and when she decided to introduce you to the rest of his club, you hadn’t expected to fall for one either — that was until you met one with pretty eyes and a habit of calling you baby.

Masterlist by @angrythingstarlight

Masterlist by @metalbuckaroo

[extremlynerdyfairy]

Someone call me Dimension 20’s MatPat, cause I have some INSANE theories to share!!

‼️⚠️Spoilers for Fantasy High: Junior Year (Mostly Ep. 13 and back)⚠️‼️

❤️‍🔥🔮🌹Theory #1🌹🔮❤️‍🔥:

Cassandra is in the court of stars?!

When Adaine goes to the court of stars, I found something peculiar in Brennan’s description of the interior of the place. He mentions how in the center of the room, there’s a MASSIVE rose that is surrounded by shimmering, indigo-purple energy. Who in this entire franchise has been associated with those colors and Brennan ALWAYS described their magic/aura having that same vibe?

CASSANDRA!!!

WHAT IF the timeless rose in the court of stars is one of the few remaining items that has some of Cassandra’s essence?

But that’s not the end of it. The rose is described a huge rose, right? You could even say it’s GIANT sized. If my phrasing wasn’t obvious enough, I think the rose might’ve had a deeper meaning/connection for both Ankarna and Cassandra. I googled it, and it’s said that roses usually bloom around early spring and late autumn. This means that PEAK rose blooming season could possibly be summer. Ankarna’s domain.

So there’s a possibility (or better said a hunch) that a possible old gift amongst these two forgotten and corrupted deities is in Fallinel. But considering the fact that a monument about the wedding is in Fallinel, I wouldn’t be surprise if the flower in question is what remains of a bridal bouquet (roses are traditionally associated with love and are a popular bouquet options for weddings…👀). But we’ll see if anything will from this crazy observation of mine.

👹🔥👨‍👩‍👧Theory #2👨‍👩‍👧🔥👹:

Who’s Fig’s REAL daddy, really?

I know this might seem like a bit, but I think it’s one worth thinking about. Usually Tieflings are just descendants of one mortal being and an infernal being. To my knowledge (and I encourage any DND buffs to fact check me on this), Tieflings can pop-up in a family tree as long as ONE of the bio parents has infernal blood or ancestry in them.

Now, why does this have to do with Fig’s bloodline? Gilear even stated in sophomore year that him and Sandra Lynn weren’t having bedroom fun before fig came along. Well I’ll bring you this question as a rebuttal: If Gilear was always aware to some degree about Fig not being his, how did Sandra Lynn get away with that lie for MANY years?

My theory is that Sandra Lynn originally didn’t know WHO fathered Fig since (and I’m just spit balling here) she probably had adult fun with Gilear shortly after Gortholax (probably due to guilt and making sure Gilear didn’t catch on to the cheating) and basically decided to wing it and after Fig started growing her horns didn’t hesitate to consider Gortholax the father. BUT WHAT ABOUT GILEAR’S DEMONIC BLOODLINE?! We recent learned Gilear is a descendant of Backur and we know that the curse attached to the Feith family is past on to the eldest of the family to the oldest of their children.

What if Gilear IS Fig’s bio dad AND that Fig being a Tiefling was because of Gilear being a descendant of Backur?!

Tbh this is a theory I’m only 65% sold on, since I’m not sure my DND knowledge is correct or if Brennan’s world even operates under those same rules. But it’s fun to think about.

🐀🤓���Theory #3😈🤓🐀:

Kipperlilly, the rat grinders, and Ankarna?!

I know that the season is leading up to a final confrontation between both of these adventuring parties, but here’s the fun question to ask:

WHY? Why the FUCK are these nerds SO determined to have the Bad Kids eat shit?

Very simple answer. Conquests. ✨ACADEMIC✨ Conquest. We know the rat grinders are basically exp farmers and (in many ways) are dark parallels to many of the Bad Kids own party members (Buddy and Kristen, Ruben and Fig, Oshin and Adaine, etc.). And we’ve seen how salty they are (Cunt-head Bitch face, especially) at how the Bad Kids (despite many of them not taking their academics seriously) are able to achieve things the Rat Grinders think THEY deserve. And who was recently revealed as a goddess of Conquest? Ankarna.

But HOW would the Rat Grinder’s know about Ankarna?! Well… remember Lucy?

Lucy’s death is very much hinted to be caused by the other members of her party (tho, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s revealed that it was someone else, most likely Kalina). But WHY did Lucy die?!

What if Lucy was trying to pull a similar stunt that Kristen pulled in sophomore year? After all we know Lucy wanted to switch gods and the name on the paper for that switch within the school was blank. Kinda like the god’s name wasn’t found or couldn’t be said…like Ankarna. I 1,000% believe that Lucy was trying to bring the uncorrupted version of Ankarna back (similar to how Kristen brought Cassandra back from her Nightmare King form). How she found out about Ankarna is a whole entire debate (maybe from her original goddess or through research, we’ll find out what more episodes released) but we are left with one MASSIVE question:

WHY DID THE RAT GRINDERS KILL LUCY?! What could they possibly gain from killing their friend?! Well…what if the rat grinders didn’t want Ankarna uncorrupted?

Afterall, Ankarna’s corrupted domain (that of conquest, rage, and dominating over others) fits better with Kipperlilly’s need to be the best at the school. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rat grinders’ end goal is to use Ankarna’s corrupted domain to help them (mostly Kipperlilly) win the elections.

After all, Cunt-head Bitch-Face did make it VERY clear from the beginning that her goal is to see the Bad Kids get what they deserve (which is expulsion) for their lack of academic integrity; and, for her party (the group that has been doing things by the book this entire time) to get what THEY deserve. Absolute power over the school.

Those are all my theories! PLEASE share your thoughts. And remember, it’s Just a theory… A DIMENSION 20 THEORY!!!

(Note: I went back and fleshed out a bit more theory #3 because I was writing it at 2am and forgot to add a few of the important details of that theory 😅)

[raccoonfallsharder]

what kind of names do you think Mantis would give to her new abilisk friends? though at the end of Vol. 3 she collectively calls them her "babies" as they evacuated the Arête and i think that's already heckin' adorable

i've been thinking about this since you sent it. i would love to know what you think, actually. i love mantis but i don't know enough of her canonical background to say anything with confidently, and i honestly cannot decide. so here are a number of things i considered:

i thought about tiny mantis, with baby fat still in her cheeks and eyes even wider than they are now, her antennae always glowing. she tells peter that ego swept her away from her home planet after she was left orphaned in her larval state - but a god like ego can't be bothered with raising a child. i thought maybe, after she'd help him fall asleep, baby mantis would sit and swing her legs, and dream herself up some imaginary friends. you've probably never seen a more sad or lonely thing than tiny mantis, wandering the lush and vibrant terrain of ego the living planet: bickering with the ghosts of her dreamed-up family, playing some self-taught variation on tag or hide-and-seek by herself.

i thought maybe she named her adopted abilisks after them.

and then i thought that - ego is not exactly a reliably storyteller. perhaps he told a young mantis the story of his charitable adoption of her so many times that she believed it - and since she was so young, she'd have no reason to question it. but maybe she was not simply orphaned. maybe he orphaned her the same way he orphaned pete, destroying a family who loved her so much, who had such hopes for her. maybe she had two older siblings who couldn't wait till she was big enough to play with, and they made up all her days and nights and joys and fights. they probably had nicknames. maybe the younger one was still enough of a baby to mispronounce everything, and mantis held onto that memory: the slightly tilted and childish pronunciations, wobbling with affection. maybe her conscious mind can't recall them, but when she reaches out to her abilisks, she finds those innocent, almost-meaningless names rising up in her lungs like flowers. she doesn't know why - she just knows they're there, right on the edge of her antennae.

then i thought maybe mantis would name them the most mundane names possible. very "human" or terran-esque: gladys and john, maybe. maybe she thinks they are very cool names. or she knows exactly what she's doing and thinks it's hilarious.

or - and here's the one i think i like best -

maybe she doesn't know what she's named them.

mantis is not a telepath, but she is an empath. at the end of vol3, she speaks to her babies with a little purring chirrup. she probably doesn't know what it means - not really - but she knows the associations. she knows the vibes.

the sense of come with me˚ ༘ ೀ⋆.˚

the sense of of go with me wherever i go༘*.ﾟ and of ༘ ⋆｡˚i will go wherever you go, too

did that little trill mean come along⋆.˚જ⁀➴ or did it mean * ੈ♡‧₊˚we are companions or did it mean ⋆-ˋˏlet's depart into the silvered sky together✩₊˖°˖⁺‧

mantis doesn't know, but she knows it feels like all of those things.

do the abilisks have names for themselves? maybe. maybe not. mantis will probably never really know. but she probably asks them, because that's who mantis is. i like to think she takes all the little chirps and purrs and clicks and rumbles that feel best to them, and that's what she uses to call and speak to them. words that mean something like ༘⋆✦⋆ ˚｡home and love♡✧˚ ༘ and embrace✲ﾟ｡⋆ and my child, my darling, my little one.ೃ࿔*:･₊⊹

you might think, how silly, that mantis has inadvertantly named the slightly smaller one something like ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Sweetie-Pie♡˚ in their language, and the even bigger one now goes by a series of warbles and churrs that are close to ༘⋆-ˋˏAdorable Baby. after all, they're four times her height and like a hundred times her body mass mass and they vomit interdimensional glitter and rainbow confetti whenever they get anxious, like very large and very nervous cats. but even if mantis knew what she was calling them, she wouldn't stop. and they wouldn't want her to.

all three of them, together, know that she would cuddle them up and tuck them into her heart, and keep them safe no matter what.

[bluejay-writes]

MysticTober 2024 - Day 16: Look a this Photograph

Rating: G Prompt: Zen/OC & Theatre WordCount: 1720 Summary: Autumn finally makes it back to Korea to watch her childhood best friend act her favorite role. But will Zen even remember her? Author's Notes: (Yes, it is a day late. You caught me.) I've been sitting on this concept awhile. It's also a callback to Day 6's fic "I knew him", honestly they're probably the same timeline. I'm a huge fan of these idiots. I'll probably write more about them later.

“Zen! Two minutes to curtain.”

The actor smiled, placed a kiss on his fingers and then touched the faded photo tucked into his dressing room mirror. It was his pre-show ritual, sending his love to his best friend before he took to the stage to become someone else entirely.  He hadn’t seen her since grade school, when her family moved overseas. Hell, he hadn’t heard from her even, they didn’t have cell phones back then, and even if he had… there was no way her parents would have allowed her to stay in touch. They disapproved of their friendship from the very first day. Even after her parents divorced, her father had been even more adamant that they not associate with each other.

In hindsight, Zen knew that he’d been in love with her. Puppy love. Ten-year-old love. But that didn’t make it less, in his eyes. Knowing her had helped him feel his way through so many roles.  This role had been her favorite character in any play - he’d heard the soliloquies so many times from her on the playground, while she was trying to put on an old english accent and just sounded pretend posh instead. He hadn’t cared, then, happy to play along with whatever scene she’d bring up, even if it meant playing Ophelia to her Hamlet.

He’d auditioned for Hamlet every single time there was a show. It was his very first audition, and it may have taken years, but he finally landed the starring role.  She’d never know, but that was fine. This role is for her.

Autumn fidgeted in her seat.  Thanks to her contact with one of the Directors at C&R, she’d managed to reserve a seat in one of the boxes, the perfect view of the stage. Rested on her lap was a bouquet of flowers she’d picked out especially, knowing just how sensitive to scents that Hyun had been when they were young. Beautiful, but not overwhelming.  Coming to this show had been a risk, but one that she couldn’t avoid.  Her father had been adamant that she not come back to Seoul after they’d moved, but he would never explain why.  If she tried telling him that she was going to come out for one of Zen’s shows, he would alternate between getting angry and simply scheduling something that she couldn’t weasel her way out of over top of it.  Now that she was a grown woman, however, there was nothing he could do to stop her.  Sure, he’d protested her going “overseas” by herself, but he couldn’t really argue when she had a full itinerary planned out, most of which was business contact work with a few “leisure times” planned, like this one.

She took a deep breath, wondering if the other seat in the small box would fill - and after a few moments her curiosity was rewarded by the Director himself coming in and settling next to her. “Good evening, Miss Jones.” He raised a single eyebrow at the flowers, but did not immediately ask about them. “I couldn’t reserve simply half the box, and I’d hate to see the ticket go to waste.”

“Good evening to you as well, Mr. Han.” Autumn smiled.  “Ah, so that is why you asked if I was bringing a second person?” She hadn’t considered that he might need to reserve the entire box. Ah well, being a fan of the theatre wasn’t something that she’d be looked down on for, here at least.

“Indeed.” He said with a small smile. “I am pleased you did not have a companion tonight, as I had been hoping to make time to see this particular show again.”

“Again?” Autumn was surprised. Hamlet wasn’t that popular, despite being Shakespeare, that someone of his caliber would make time to see it twice in a single run.

“One of my personal friends is a cast member.  I find the serious tone of the Shakespeare work suits their fine acting abilities better than the romances and modern dramas they’ve been cast in of late due to their looks. Dare I suggest you might also be here to see a specific performer?” He gestured to the flowers on her lap and she smiled, knowing he’d bring them up at his earliest opportunity.

“Yes, a friend I haven’t seen since I was a child. My business finally brought me here while he was performing.”

The lights dimmed, and Mr. Han smiled and gestured to the stage. “Enjoy, Miss Jones. I know I will.”

Intermission rolled around, and Zen emptied his water bottle, his mind spinning.  He’d managed a glance up at the boxes, like he usually did during that scene. He liked to know when his friends were going to surprise him at the stage door, but today was different.  He could tell immediately that Jumin had reserved his usual box, but the person with him had bright bright red hair.  Seven had never come with Jumin to a play, and the only other person he knew with hair that particular shade of red lived halfway around the world.  He supposed it was possible that Jumin was on a blind date with someone unfortunately fortunate enough to have that particular shade of red hair, or that he’d gotten Seven to attend by letting him wear one of his girly cosplays, but… Ugh. It was getting to his head. Why did he look at the boxes again? Oh right. Not being surprised by the RFA. At least there wasn’t a mop of blonde up there. Yoosung liked to surprise him by tackling him with a hug. The paparazzi loved to speculate about their relationship. At least Jaehee managed to talk him out of it when she was there. For his reputation. But then he got double hugs at the next meeting, so at least he wasn’t hurting the boy’s feelings too badly.

.

Autumn looked to her box-mate when the lights came up for intermission. Before she could say anything, he spoke. “You’re here for Zen.”

She felt her cheeks go pink, and cursed her pale, freckled skin. “I am.”  There was no point in denying it, the man could follow her to the stage door and get the answer that way if he wanted to.

“I didn’t know Zen kept in touch with any of his childhood friends.”

Autumn considered for a moment and then came to the only conclusion that made sense with the information that she had.

“Zen’s your personal friend then, Mr. Han?”

He smiled, and nodded. “Call me Jumin, if you would. I don’t feel a need to be formal in a social outing.”

She laughed at that. “Very progressive of you. You may call me Autumn, if you’d like.  Just don’t think that’ll distract me from the fact that you know Zen. How is he doing? Thriving, I hope.”

“Hm.” Jumin said, a soft thoughtful sound, more a placeholder than anything else. Autumn didn’t expect him to tell her much of anything, she was a stranger who only claimed to be a childhood friend, after all. “I would say he’s doing well, but he doesn’t say a lot about himself, for as much as he talks about himself.”

Autumn smiled sadly. So he still had that mask on after all this time?  She’d seen it around their parents when they were younger, but he’d at least been able to be his joyful, free self around her back then.

“Sounds like Zen.” She said quietly, as the lights once again dimmed for the play to resume.

Zen was exhausted. It had been a great show, closing night, and he just knew there would be a mob at the stage door tonight.  He was half tempted to pull Jumin into a paparazzi-breaking kiss just to get himself out of having to deal with all of the people.  But he respected his friend far too much to endanger his reputation just to get out of one night of handshakes and autographs.  Maybe he’d be up for a late dinner, or… no, he was probably here with a date. He couldn’t rely on Jumin to get out of this one.  He slipped his trademark coat on, and then tucked his lucky photo back in his pocket. Time to face the music.

.

Autumn bounced on her toes.  Next to her, Jumin chuckled. “You’re nervous. Don’t be. He’ll be here. He knows better than to run off on nights I’m here.”

Autumn gave Jumin a look.  This may not have been only the second time he saw Hamlet.  Did he just have that box reserved for the whole season? The whole show run?  She would likely never know, as it would be wildly impolite to ask.  They hung back, letting the fans who’d come out get their time with Zen before they monopolized his attention.

Eventually, the crowds had thinned out, and they stepped up to where Zen was casually leaning against a railing, waiting for Jumin with an eyebrow raised. “Jumin Han.” He greeted, when they were close enough. Autumn might have been hiding behind the flowers a bit. She was so nervous, even though Jumin told her she didn’t need to be. She hadn’t seen Hyun in a decade. She was terrified that he wouldn’t want to see her again, or wouldn’t recognize her after so long.

“Zen. Miss Jones here has some flowers for you.”  Not “My companion” or “business associate” even, he was carefully not laying any claim, Autumn noticed. Interesting.

Autumn held out the flowers, revealing her face as she did so. There was nowhere left to hide.

Zen took a preparatory breath before taking the flowers, and even then he noticed they were surprisingly not fragrant.  Had Jumin helped her choose, or… Wait a damn minute.

“Autumn Jones as I live and breathe.” Zen said, tearing up.  He handed the flowers blindly to Jumin, and then was wrapping his arms around her in the tightest hug known to mankind, lifting her off of her feet and spinning her around.

“Been awhile, Hyun.” She said, her voice hoarse from tears, but also full of laughter.  Why did she think he wouldn’t recognize her?  She shut her eyes against the oncoming tears just in time, as they were bombarded with hundreds of flashes from paparazzi cameras.

Gossip Weekly: Zen dating? It’s more likely than you think. People: Revealed: Jumin’s Fiance A! News: Mystery Woman to break up Zen/Jumin? Fans cry out “Get your claws off our Zenjumin!” The Daily: Love Triangle Woes: Will the mystery woman choose Zen’s fame, or Jumin Han’s money? The Herald: Who is the mystery woman? The Times: Mystery woman unmasked; Who is Autumn Jones? Business Weekly: Autumn Jones back in Korea? What does this mean for C&R? SK Money: Possible merger between C&R and Jones Financial has stock traders worried.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 11 ^**

Hello friends, this is a big and transitional chapter! There's a lot going on and I think it's the one that gonna start winding down this story. It's kinda long, so buckle up! I hope you guys like it!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Warnings: many angsty themes, heated arguing, mentions of OCD, psychotic symptoms, suicide, mental health crisis, HJ

WC: 14.5K

It was the day of the board meeting and Celeste had been quiet and contemplative all day. Megan had tried to talk to her, presumably to say thank you or to just communicate something she wanted, but she was avoiding her like the plague. She had no idea what she was going to say in her testimonial that evening. She had even asked her mom if she could skip school but she said no, which really pissed her off, but whatever. The day was inching by as she hid out during lunch to try and write down her thoughts like Dr. Styles had suggested a few times, but all she ended up doing was doodling little flowers, butterflies, and a few variations for her potential signature all over the page. This was hopeless.

She was also really in her head about the awful things she’d heard her grandmother say about her and her mom. She felt sadness more than anger, how could someone be that awful to their own family. She knew that her mom wasn’t close to her parents but her mom had never really talked about why. She had never seen or heard an argument between them and as much as she wished her mom had her own mom to support her, she was happy that she’d rather not associate than to make excuses for her awful behavior and mindset. She had been a bit distant from her uncle the last few days because she just didn’t know how to feel about him bringing her to therapy. She understood that he had been worried and he had been so apologetic, but that was her safe space. And well, Dr. Styles told her that it was OK to be upset at him, to feel betrayed by him, so she sat with the feelings for the last couple of days and it made her wonder if he’d still show up to the meeting. She’d understand if he felt like he should no longer be there, but as long as her mom and Dr. Styles were there she’d be fine. She put her things away and got ready to go to class and as she was sneaking out of the practice room she’d been in she saw Megan waiting outside across the hall.

“Hi.” She said nervously and Celeste nodded at her. “I ummm, I just wanted to thank you f-for defending me.” She said and immediately she started to cry and Celeste pouted, “I know I don’t deserve it because to you I am the meanest person in the world.” She sniffled, “but Miss Jones encouraged me to…come out to my friends and then-”

“That’s how they reacted?” Celeste asked softly with a frown and Megan nodded with tears in her eyes.

“I mean, I get it…my parents aren’t happy about it either…” she sniffled, “But it’s Karma I guess.” She said and Celeste shook her head.

“No it’s not, they’re just…assholes.” She said softly and Megan glanced up to her eyes and then Celeste’s eyes went wide, “I’m so sorry for calling your parents and friends assholes.” She whispered nervously and then Megan started to giggle.

“No it’s OK! I’ve been thinking the same thing but I just felt bad actually saying it.” She confessed and Celeste’s nerves faded into a small smile.

“Hey ummm, if you don’t get expelled,” she said and Megan chuckled and so did Celeste for a few seconds, “Ummm, do you want to come to the spring dance with me, Geri, and Ozzy?” She asked and Megan’s smile faded into a look of surprise.

“Are you serious?” She whispered. She had been really bummed about this because well, her “friends” had told all of their group about her and her date had flaked on her.

“Yeah, I…think so. I mean, I’ll have to ask Geri considering…you know.” She faded off into silence and Megan nodded.

“Yeah, I get it. But if she says yes and I still go to school here on Friday then I’d be happy to go.” She said with a soft smile that Celeste mirrored.

“I’m not mad at you anymore.” Celeste said and Megan exhaled.

“Because you feel bad for me.” She said with a sad smile and Celeste shrugged.

“So? It’s progress!” She said optimistically and Megan smiled.

“Yeah…progress.” She hummed.

***********

Diana had set up a video lecture for her class that afternoon and she had thought about texting Harry to see what his plans were but she decided against it. Yes, they were on great terms, but they weren’t in a place for her to be checking up on him like that. Celeste had been really quiet all afternoon, just up in her room. She had asked if she wanted to talk but she declined so she gave her some space. 

It was around 6:15pm when Damian showed up at the house to pick her and Celeste up for the meeting. He had taken their mom’s hotel room to give Diana and Celeste some space after that nuclear fight with their mom on Monday and they hadn’t really spoken, so things were still a little bit tense.

“Hey.” She said as she let him inside and he offered her a slight smile as he followed her into the kitchen, “Do you want a drink or something?” She asked as she went back to clearing out the dishwasher.

“No, I’m alright, but can I talk to you about something?” He asked and she nodded and gave him her full attention. “I’m sorry about mom.” He said again and she nodded.

“I know you are, Damian but what I continue to find hard to understand is how you can continue to make excuses for her when she treats us that way! Like I know she’s our mom, and I don’t wish her harm or anything like that but she’s so in the wrong! About tons of things, especially suggesting all those racist things about Celeste, her own granddaughter!” Diana said with frustration but kept her voice down, she didn’t want to stress Celeste even more with another argument.

“I know and I’ve been silent about it for too long but not anymore. I gave her a piece of my mind about her views and her beliefs and I told her that I didn’t want her in my life if she was going to continue treating you both that way. I told her it was wrong and that she needed to reevaluate herself…obviously she…acted unfazed about what I said but I just don’t want to be a coward anymore.” He said to her genuinely, “I’m sorry for never speaking up before and for not defending you. I just…as soon as Harry stepped in I knew that I needed to do better.” He admitted and Diana’s eyes were welling up.

“I know that it’s hard to do that, so thank you. You’ve always been there for me, you’ve always looked out for me, and taken care of me. I’m so grateful for you and I’m sorry that my relationship with mom has…basically extinguished yours, like you shouldn’t have to choose-”

“Of course I had to choose. It should have never even been a question after everything that’s happened between you two.” He said and she rolled her lips together, “I promise to do better where it counts, Di.” He said and she rounded the island and hugged him tight and he hugged back, “Te quiero mucho, guerita.” He said softly and she smiled. He hadn’t called her that nickname in many, many years.

“Yo también, feo.” She hummed back with a grin and he scoffed.

“Really? When I’m being all sweet and sentimental?” He asked as she giggled, “Quítate!” He scoffed playfully as he pried her arms off of him as she laughed, “I’m gonna go apologize to someone who will actually appreciate it.” He said as he headed out of the kitchen.

“If you’re referring to Celeste I think she’ll be far harder to crack!” She warned and he peered back into the kitchen with narrowed eyes.

“We’ll see about that.” He challenged before he headed to the stairs.

“Well don’t be too long we need to go soon!” She called and sighed when she got no response. But as she stood there by herself, kind of feeling bad for their parents, she was happy that her brother had stuck up for her like that. It truly meant the world.

*********

After her uncle had come up and apologized to her for everything that had happened on Monday, Celeste was feeling a lot better. She was happy that despite her being a bit distant he had shown up to make sure that she was alright and to just be there for her during this really nerve-racking thing she was about to do. When they arrived at the school she looked for Dr. Styles but she didn’t see him anywhere yet so when they took their seats Diana ensured to save him a spot. As the minutes to start diminished and the meeting hall got a bit more full she started to glance around again.

“He’ll be here, don’t worry.” Her mom said to her quietly and she exhaled and nodded.

“Yeah, there’s probably traffic. And if he comes a little late he might just sit in the back.” Her uncle chimed in and well, that made sense. They were the 3rd and final item on the agenda, so it would be OK, if he was a little bit late. She stopped being so concerned about him and more about her nerves about reliving the awful things that happened to her and speaking about them in front of all of these people she didn’t know.  

She was clutching her mom’s hand as they finally started to talk about her situation. They said that due to the nature of some of the evidence in this item they would not be showing the evidence, but that all board members had been briefed previously, she was grateful for that and surely Megan was too. Then, Principal Whittaker went up and spoke about the rules that Megan had broken that led to her recommending expulsion. She talked about her and about Megan as students as well. Then the school counselor, Miss. Jones talked about how she’d been working with Megan, and then Megan also went up and made a statement where she apologized again for what she had done but she never mentioned that she had been bullied too. She was crying the whole time and it made her even more nervous for her turn to go up there.

“Thank you miss Freeman, we are glad to hear that you are addressing the issues that led to your behaviors and that you have been following the recommendations and carried out all disciplinary measures consistently.” She said and Megan nodded from her seat and then glanced at Celeste who was already looking at her, “The last part of this item will be a testimonial from Miss Celeste Beltran, if you’d be so kind to come up to the podium.” The director said and she stood and glanced to her mom before swallowing thickly and walking up to the podium. It was positioned in a way in which she could see the board members but also those in the audience.  The woman started to speak but she was distracted as she scanned around the audience to find Dr. Styles she couldn’t see him anywhere and her mouth started to go dry and her heart to sink in so much disappointment. “Miss Beltran?” The woman spoke to her once again and she blinked a few times to get rid of the tears welling up in her eyes because he wasn’t here. He promised.

**********

“Miss Beltran, we’ve heard from Miss Freeman about the steps she has taken to reconcile this situation with you. Would you say that she has sincerely done her best to make amends for victimizing you over the past several months?” She asked her and Celeste didn’t answer.

Diana frowned as she saw Celeste glancing around the room with a frown on her face and that was enough to confirm to her that Harry had not shown up. She had texted him a few times throughout the meeting but she hadn’t received any responses from him. She sent one more, asking where he was. She started to worry that something bad had happened to him because he wouldn’t have not shown up without a warning or notice. He wanted to be here for Celeste. 

“Miss Beltran?” The director called to Celeste and Diana frowned as she saw that she wanted to cry. So she cleared her throat and it caused Celeste to look at her and at Damian. She gave her a slight nod and with that she exhaled shakily before she parted her lips to speak.

“Ummm what was the question?” She asked again softly.

“Would you say that Miss Freeman has sincerely done her best to make amends for victimizing you over the past several months?” 

“Oh, ummm yes.” She said.

“Do you feel like your school has adequately administered consequences to help rectify the situation between you and Miss Freeman?”

“Yes.” She responded.

“Are there any other things you’d like the school board to consider before we decide on a verdict for Miss Freeman’s expulsion?”

“Ummm…Megan’s been going through a lot.” She started off and then glanced to her, “Like Miss Jones advised, she wrote me a private letter explaining herself and at first I was…even more upset. But she’s dealing with something quite big that has…led for her to also be bullied at school.” She explained solemnly, “I didn’t expect to step in an defend her, but I did. Not out of pity, but because we all deserve to feel safe. And at first I was scared of her and of running into her but I’m not anymore. Now that I understand her better I’ve…” she paused and bit her lip as she decided to just say what she’d been mulling over all day, “I’ve forgiven her.” She said and Megan started to cry even harder and Celeste sniffled as well.

Diana’s eyes welled up with tears and she squeezed Damian’s hand at Celeste’s confession. “If she’s allowed to stay I know we won’t be having any more issues like this and…I mean, it’d kind of suck if you expelled her because she’s supposed to go to the dance with my friends and I on Friday.” She said and the audience broke out in a small chuckle. Diana sniffled through her laughter and shook her head as she glanced to Celeste who had glanced to her briefly. “I do think she deserves another chance.” She finished and the director thanked her before she stepped down and headed back to her seat. As soon as she was sitting Diana hugged her into her side and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m really proud of you, mamita.” She whispered and Celeste just leaned further into her hold. After that they said that they would take 15 minutes to deliberate in private and called a recess to the meeting. Diana excused herself to go to the bathroom, she took a little detour outside on the way over. She needed to call Harry, she had this awful sinking feeling in her stomach that something was wrong and that just made her think about Wesley and she was starting to spiral. Her vision was blurring with tears as she pulled out her phone to dial Harry. When she felt a hand on her shoulder she whipped around quickly as the unexpected touch gave her a fright and she was riddled with disappointment and even more concern when she saw Megan’s mom behind her.

“I’m so sorry I scared you.” Mrs. Freeman said and Diana chuckled away the scare.

“Oh, it’s alright.” She assured with a hand on her chest.

“I just wanted to…say thank you for being such a good parent.” She said softly and Diana shook her head as she looked at her feet for a moment.

“I can’t take credit for anything Celeste said up there, that was all her and her therapist’s hard work.” She assured.

“Sure. But she had to learn to have a great character from somewhere and well, even if you might think you’ve got nothing to do with it you’ve actually got everything to do with it. Even if Megan gets expelled I ummm, I think she’ll be alright with that declaration.” She said and Diana smiled.

“She’s a good kid, Megan. And I mean…I don’t want to speak out of turn but…she deserves to be happy, no matter what that looks like for her.” She said softly and Mrs. Freeman nodded.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that too…my husband, he’s an elder at Crossroads Baptist church.” She said quietly, “I sometimes get really extreme with what I think because I feel like I have to. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve judged many people for the way they choose to live their lives and it’s unfortunate that it took my daughter being in that position for me to understand just how wrong and…un-christ like that is.” She said and Diana hummed in understanding as she listened. She wouldn’t necessarily agree that people chose their sexuality for themselves, but if this woman was coming around to any reason that was progress on its own. “I’m doing better though. I’m…praying a lot and branching out a lot more because I don’t want to lose my daughter. I even found a church close by that’s not as rigid as the one we’ve been going to all this time.” 

“That’s wonderful, I’m glad you’ve found that. And well, I mean, I know that it’s hard to reconcile certain things at times but there is always a way. And you know, sticking to your beliefs is also important and it’s good to be able to find a space in which you can question and learn and grow without judgement. Hopefully Megan feels accepted there too, but the biggest thing is for her to feel accepted by you.” 

“Yeah.” She agreed quietly with a smile, “Well, I just wanted to say that to you before I missed my chance and ummm whatever happens, I’m sure it’ll be for the best.” She said and Diana nodded.

“Agreed.” She hummed. Mrs. Freeman was just about to excuse herself when Damian came outside.

“They’re about to start up again!” He said.

“That was quick.” Diana said as she and Mrs. Freeman agreed as they both hurried over to the door and went their separate ways as they headed to their seats.

“Is he here?” Celeste asked her softly and Diana frowned as she shook her head.

“No, I didn’t see him, sweetheart. I’m sorry.” She whispered as she tried to remain calm and Celeste just huffed.

“He’s a liar.” She said with disdain and Diana frowned.

“Mamita, he really wanted to be here, you know that. I’m sure there’s a really good explanation for why he’s not here. I mean…god forbid something happened to him or-”

“After some deliberation and consideration of the testimony given by our four witnesses  these are the votes of the members of the school board.” The director’s voice overtook hers so she just quieted down, “In favor of expulsion - 4 votes. Not in favor - 6 votes.” She said and Diana glanced over to Mrs. Freeman who was smiling at her already and hugging Megan close, “Because the majority has voted against, Megan Freeman will remain a student at Los Angeles Center for Enriched Studies, she will be on a probationary period during the fall Semester of the new school year. We expect her to continue working with Miss Jones regularly and we will work with the principal, student, and her family to finalize the details of this probationary period. We have gone through all of our agenda items for today’s meeting so that concludes this session. Our next meeting is scheduled for July 5th. We will only be considering and addressing agenda items pertinent to the new school year. Have a good night everyone.” The woman finished and everyone started getting up to leave.

When Megan came up to hug Celeste afterwards she knew that despite the smile on her face she was extremely angry because Harry didn’t show up. She knew that there was a good reason for it, he wouldn’t let Celeste down like that, but the fact that he wasn’t answering her texts was worrying her more than she cared to admit. She felt sick to her stomach and passed on a late night snack when they stopped at a fast-food restaurant on the way home. She hoped he was OK and she did the most she could to talk herself down from thinking of the worst case scenario, but based on her experience it was always the worst case scenario.

**********

Harry had welcomed in his last scheduled patient of the day at 4:30pm like he usually did on Wednesdays. But since he had no class tonight he had taken his time with doing all of his report notes so that he could kill some time before the school board meeting at 7, but all that changed when one of his patients just dropped by at 6pm in a full blown crisis. This man had unfortunately been dealing with OCD for a large part of his life and he had just lost his job because his compulsions had gotten in the way of his productivity; he was a checker. And he also shared that his wife was threatening to divorce him and now this man wanted to kill himself. 

Obviously, this was an emergency and he needed to help deescalate this man from his breaking point and suicidal ideations and intents immediately. The more digging Harry did, he discovered that the patient had not taken any of his meds that month because he had accidentally dropped them all on the ground when he was organizing them into his med container and so he had tossed them all; his germophobia had gotten the best of him. But this was a big issue because this should’ve been his second month on a combination of an SSRI and antipsychotic medication because one of the big overarching symptoms he had was paranoia. Harry needed to diminish those psychotic symptoms first in order to get them to a level where he could see if  clinical intervention could help so that he could ween him off of the antipsychotics - he tried to steer away from prescribing antipsychotics for OCD as much as possible, but some people just needed them whether it be for a few months or for the rest of their lives, but long terms users of antipsychotics were often riddled with really unfortunately side effects later down the line and of course, he didn’t want that for any of his patients.

All of this just completely distracted him and so by the time he had finished talking with his patient, assessing suicidality, and making a safety plan for him it was a little bit after 8:30 and he immediately felt sick to his stomach; he had missed the board meeting. He rushed back into his office and checked his phone to see that Diana had texted him a few times.

“Shit!” He cursed as he opened up his phone to check her messages.

Diana Beltran:

6:50pm: Hey, I saved you a seat. We’re in the third row on the left side.

7:13pm: Are you sitting somewhere else?

7:43pm: I just need to know that you’re OK. Please let me know that you’re OK.

“Fuck.” He sighed in disappointment as he immediately dialed her number and it rang and rang until it reached her voicemail. He didn’t know if she was angry at him so he didn’t want to just show up at her place unannounced; he’d be livid if she’d left him hanging without so much as a warning. He tried her again a few more times before he just grabbed Misty and put her in her little travel kennel so that they could head home. She’d call him back when she was ready.

*********

“No goodnight?!” Damian called after Celeste as soon as she started heading up the stairs when they got home. She huffed and came back and hugged him half-heartedly.

“Thanks for being there for me. Love you, goodnight.” She said and then rushed up the stairs and Diana sighed as she slipped off her shoes by the door. She’d try Harry after Damian left, she hadn’t heard her phone go off.

“She’s just really bummed about Harry not showing up.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that. Did he say anything to you?” He asked as he followed Diana into the kitchen and she nibbled on her lip nervously as she shook her head and flicked on the lights.

“I texted him a bunch of times and he never answered.” She said as she set her purse down on the island. She swallowed the lump in her throat and glanced over to Damian, “What if something happened to him?” She asked in a small and nervous voice and his features softened as he came over to her and pulled her into his arms.

“No, no, no. I’m sure he’s fine.” Damian said as she started to cry softly and he shushed her and held her close. 

Damian knew that this uncertainty was probably bringing back a lot of really awful memories for her. One of his biggest life regrets was leaving for school early that summer. Wesley’s passing had been traumatic for Diana all on it’s own, but the aftermath was even worse. Their parents forced her to go to Columbia just weeks later and she was in an awful place mentally. She was also all alone in New York, he tried to visit as often as he could, but he was also in school almost 7 hours away. And when she found out she was pregnant it made things worse for a time because of the stress of having to tell their parents; it was a secret between them until they went home for Christmas break, then all hell broke loose. For a long time he was the only person that she had in her corner. Their dad wasn’t angry at her like their mom, but he just stayed out of it, which was almost worse in a way.

“He better fucking be.” She sniffled and Damian pondered whether he should even ask his next question but he did it anyway.

“Di, do you…have feelings for Harry?” Damian asked gently and she just sighed.

“I’m trying not to.” She sniffled as she pulled back from their hug and he let her go to be able to look at her better. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with a confused chortle.

“It means that…I can’t, like I just can’t.” She said softly, “Celeste would never forgive me. She’s already gonna be angry at Harry for who knows how long for not showing up tonight. It’s just…weird you know? Me dating her therapist.”

“Does he feel the same?”

“Yeah.” She confirmed and Damian frowned.

“Oh…”

“Yeah.” She sighed in defeat, “We’ve…snuck a few kisses,” she confessed and Damian smiled, “But ummm…I’m scared.” She admitted, “I’m scared that it’s all going to get taken away too soon because he’s like…really fucking great and we get along so well! And I don’t want to bring him into my life like that or Celeste’s and lose him. I don’t want her to know what that feels like. I know that the odds are like…insane for the same thing to happen but they still exist. And I keep using Celeste being his client as an excuse for why we can’t try, but it’s me who just…can’t.” She confessed, “I’m the biggest obstacle.” 

“Well let me tell you something, since the moment you found out that you were pregnant, despite the surprise and fear and everything else, you’ve lived your life to make Celeste happy. Everything you’ve done has been to benefit her. And that’s so admirable of you, but you’ve forgotten yourself along the way. I know that you’re happy with your life, but you need more and she needs more too, and I also think you want more and I know that’s hard for someone like you to accept, but it’s OK to want more.” Damian said to her earnestly, “I really like Dr. Styles-er, Harry, whatever…” he said as she giggled softly, “I like how he didn’t even hesitate to stand up for you and Celeste against mom, he’s a protector.” He said with a smile, “Maybe before I go we can all do something together again. I mean we as in the adults.” He tagged in.

“I mean…they’re really big on escape rooms.” Diana said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Hmmm, never done that before…sounds like torture.” Damian said and Diana laughed softly.

“I mean, it is if you’re not smart or have no problem solving and critical thinking skills….so yeah, maybe we should do something else- ah!” Diana shrieked as Damian playfully head-locked her for a few seconds and gave her a noogie before releasing her as he laughed at how she rubbed at the crown of her head, “Jeez.” She huffed through her own laughter and he smirked.

“What are big brothers for? Now, I’m staying at the hotel again because I want to get my money’s worth out of mom’s room, but I’ll pick Celeste up from school tomorrow if you want?”

“Yeah, that would be great. I moved my office hours to tomorrow so I’m gonna be late. Probably make it back around 7:30 or 8.” She explained.

“Perfect.” He hummed and they hugged once more before she headed up to her room. When she pulled her phone out of her purse she saw that Harry had tried to call and so she locked her bedroom door and then rushed into her bathroom and closed that door as well before calling him back. The line only rang twice before it stopped.

“Harry?” She spoke immediately.

“Hey, Di! I’m so, so sorry that-”

“I’m glad you’re alright.” She interrupted with a relieved sigh, “Fuck, I’m so happy you’re OK.” She said more quietly and he bit his lip as he heard her sniffle, “When you weren’t answering I thought maybe something had happened to you or-”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry.” He apologized as he paced around his bedroom, “I didn’t mean to worry you or scare you. Fuck, I didn’t even think about that.” He said with a frown, mentally beating himself up for making her so worried like that, “How upset is Celeste?” He asked lowly.

“Pretty mad, she was looking for you right before she started and it tripped her up a bit but she…ended up publicly forgiving Megan which I wasn’t expecting.” She shared and Harry smiled as he heard this.

“Wow…we were talking about that on Monday…and then everything else went down.” He said and she hummed, “I’m so proud of her.” He sighed happily and Diana smiled, “God, I wish I could’ve been there.” He said softly. And then he realized that she hadn’t even asked where he was or what happened, “You’re not gonna ask where I was?” He asked and she huffed out a little laugh.

“Ummm, if you want to tell me you can.” She said and he chuckled, “But I didn’t feel the need to ask because I know you wanted to be there. I mean, you promised, and I figured it must’ve been something really important for you to not show up. And I don’t know if that’s my business, which is why I didn’t ask you, but I…I do know that if you could’ve been there you would have been.” She explained her reasoning for not even asking him what happened and Harry felt a sense of satisfaction with her response, she trusted him, implicitly. It gave him butterflies in his stomach to know that, “I’m just…relieved that you’re alright.” She said softly.

“Yeah, love. M’safe and sound.” He assured again and after a beat of silence he spoke up again, “Well I’m gonna tell you anyway to dissipate my guilt.” He said and she chuckled, “A client just walked in a bit before I was getting ready to go, he was in a full blown crisis, wanted to kill himself…it was kind of messy. Apparently he’d been off his meds the whole month and never said anything.” He explained and she hummed.

“See. Knew it must’ve been something big. Is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s better thankfully. I also alerted his primary doctor, we made a safety plan, and I refilled his prescription. That took a bit of time since he wasn’t due for a refill until a week or two, so I had to chat with a pharmacist about it…it was an ordeal, but we sorted everything out.” He assured. “So ummm, what else ended up happening?” 

“Well they didn’t expel Megan, she’s all good. Her ummm, her mom talked to me during the deliberation break and well she’s ummm, she’s coming around, trying to be more supportive of her.”

“That’s really good to hear.” He smiled.

“Yeah, Celeste apparently invited her to the dance with her and her friends this Friday since Megan’s friends are…assholes.”

“Oh, she’s making strides!”

“Yeah…I mean, I know she can be stubborn and resentful, but she’s got a huge, huge heart and she’s so empathic and I just think that this was really mature of her.”

“Yeah, honestly it is! I’m really, really proud of her. I’ll be sure to tell her with extra, extra sweetness on Monday.” He said and Diana sighed.

“If she even wants to see you on Monday.” Diana said and Harry chuckled.

“You really think she’d want to cancel?”

“It’s highly likely…I’m gonna ask you something and you can be honest about it, if I just..let her cancel is that like…reinforcing her to be a brat? Like I understand that she has a right to be upset, but things happen, emergencies happen, and you can’t always get what you want, you know? I think I’ve been really lenient over the last couple of months because of what she’s been going through but I also don’t want her to think that it’s OK to just not confront difficult situations. She’s capable of it, clearly, but ummm…I don’t know…” she trailed off.

“I don’t think so. If her feelings are hurt and she needs some space to just figure out what she wants to say or even if she wants to say anything I think that’s important for her to do. I mean, whether she ever brings it up or not I’ll still apologize for letting her down.” He said.

“Well thank you for that, I appreciate it. Maybe she can practice those new forgiveness skills with you too.” Diana said and Harry chuckled.

“Hopefully…”

“Ummm, Damian is leaving on Friday night, well it’s more of a redeye on Saturday, but we were planning on sending him off with a night of fun since Celeste will be at the dance. And he wanted to know if you’d like to join us?” Diana brought up and Harry grinned.

“Are you asking for your brother or is your brother asking you to ask for me to join for you?” Harry questioned and she giggled softly.

“Ummm….both? He really liked you and well, I really like you too. I told him we’ve kissed.”

“You seem to like telling people we kiss.” He mused with a smirk and Diana suddenly felt so nervous as he pointed this out.

“Oh…I guess I do, I hadn’t realized…”

“S’alright, I told Henry that we kissed right after that first time…I’m shocked he didn’t tell Grace.” Harry chuckled and Diana did as well, “I don’t mind that you tell people, by the way. I actually quite like that you…want to tell people and acknowledge it. S’never fun being a secret.”

“Yeah…and well, I just…think I want to see how people react and it’s never as bad as I assumed. And that also makes me feel less guilty about it.” She admitted.

“Good. You shouldn’t feel guilty about doing things that make you happy.” He said softly and she bit her lip to suppress her smile.

“Yeah. I’m learning that.” She confessed.

“So I do make you happy.” He stated inquisitively and she chuckled nervously as she shrugged.

“I…I mean…yes, you do.” She confirmed and Harry was smiling so hard he swore his cheeks would soon start to hurt.

“You make me happy too.” He assured and she smiled happily.

“That makes me more happy.” She said and he chuckled.

“So do you have any idea what our plans entail for Friday?”

“I suggested an escape room and he said that sounded like torture, so maybe we just do something else.” Diana said with a chuckle.

“I mean, you can never go wrong with a little bar hopping.”

“Let me just clarify that we do want him to make it to his flight, Harry.”

“We’re not gonna fuck him up, just get him a little more relaxed for the flight.” He said and she laughed quietly.

“Sure, sure.” She hummed in amusement, “Well look I’ll try to finalize everything by tomorrow, so just keep an eye out. It might be a late arrival since I had to change my office hours to tomorrow to be able to go to the meeting tonight, but it’ll get finalized tomorrow, OK?”

“Sounds good.” He assured.

“Alright. Well I’m gonna start getting ready for bed but thank you for getting back to me, I really appreciate it.” She sighed contently.

“Of course, love. See you soon. Sleep well.”

“Thank you, you too.” She smiled before they hung up.

*********

Just as Diana had thought, when she tried to bring up Harry over breakfast Celeste was still really hurt and upset that he hadn’t shown up for the meeting and she was not ready to talk to him on Monday. She was chalking it up to the fact that maybe that professional boundary had been crossed when he went to Disneyland with all of them and that she was sure now that he wasn’t going to go to her spring concert either. Diana tried to talk her down and remind her that this was still really fresh and that she might change her mind, but Celeste didn’t seem open to having a change of heart and asked her to cancel the appointment. Diana said she would, but she’d wait the weekend, she knew Harry wouldn’t mind if she notified him on Monday morning that Celeste needed more time. As they pulled up to the drop off zone at her school she reminded her that Damian was going to come get her and with that reminder she Wass saying goodbye and rushing off to the building.

Diana’s day had been quite busy. Her morning had been full of meetings with current and incoming students for advising and program planning , she’d grade a bit in between meetings before she’d move along to the next one. This is how her day flew by, it was around 7:30pm now and her eyes were burning from staring at her screen for half the day. The last week of school was already next week, so most people were feeling some sort of pressure and plenty of exhaustion. No one had come by after 6, so she’d been trying to finish as much grading as possible, she’d finish the paper she started and then call it a night.

Diana stood from her chair and stretched a bit, giving her neck and back relief from the position she’d been in nearly all day. She walked over to the big glass wall that offered a view of this little patio/picnic area that was behind their building, but she could hardly see it due to the bright lights of her office reflecting off of the glass. She huffed and went over to the switches and turned them off. She had a her desk lamp on and that lighting was still enough to illuminate her office without it being to harsh on the eyes. She went back to the window and peered out to see that the seating areas was desolate now, but the lighting on the fountain out there was so pretty and she made a mental note to take more walks out there next year. She exhaled as she walked over to roll down the blinds, the setting sun was right in her eye line. So she took the chain and tugged on it to get them down for the night. She started to rush when she heard a few taps on the open door behind her and quickly turned around. 

“Hey.” Harry smiled timidly as he stood at the entrance of her office with a tote over his shoulder and a big brown paper bag in hand and she smiled brightly. He looked so cute with his light yellow pullover and his glasses on his face. She’d maybe seen him with them on once before, but she liked the look on him.

“Hi! This is a surprise.” She smiled wide.

“Yeah,” he chuckled nervously, “I hope m’not intruding. I remembered you said that you were working late tonight so I figured I’d stop by with some dinner. Hope you haven’t eaten?” He asked hopefully and her eyes softened.

“This is so thoughtful of you, Harry. And no, I haven’t had dinner.” She said with a smile and so he took that as his cue to step in. He set his tote down on a chair as she made some space on the coffee table for him to set the food down. “Ummm, I don’t expect anyone else to come by can you close the door please?” She asked as she set the books from the table on the other chair there. 

“Yes.” He said and did that before starting to unpack the bag, “Alright, so I got drunken noodles and spicy eggplant.” He said.

“Ooh, that smells amazing…” she hummed, already feeling her mouth water from the scent alone. “Here’s some rice…” he said pulling out another container, “And…the mango and sticky rice.” He said pulling out another container. “Here are the plates and utensils…” he said setting those down, “Do you have napkins?”

“Yes!” She said turning around and opening one of her drawers and pulling out a thin stack of them before heading back to the coffee table and setting them down. Harry was arranging everything on the little coffee table and she grinned. “Oh wow, this looks incredible. Thank you, Harry.” She smiled with gratitude as he moved the bag aside as she sat on the rug and he followed suit. 

“You’re welcome, love.” He hummed, “Just wanted to do something nice for you.” He explained as he started to open everything up, “You first.” He insisted and she sighed and went for it. They ate while making some small talk about how their days had gone and just caught up little bit before they both split dessert.

“Mango and sticky rice always hits the spot.” She hummed in delight and he smiled and nodded in agreement.

“Doesn’t it? It’s so light and simple.”

“I should learn how to make this…” she mused as she set down her fork.

“I would accept that as payment for Celeste’s therapy.” He joked.

“Say less!” She said and laughed along with with Harry, “Ummm…speaking of which…she asked me to cancel your appointment this morning.”

“Hmm…” Harry mused.

“Yeah, I haven’t because I mean…maybe she’ll get over it over the weekend or if something happens at the dance…so I’ll let you know Monday morning if that’s alright?”

“Yeah, of course.” He assured and she nodded.

“She was saying that maybe having you come to Disneyland probably made you realize you were getting too close to us so that’s why you bailed. And that you won’t be showing up to her concert for sure now…she’s quite dramatic, like all kids that age…but umm I wasn’t sure if I should be the one to tell her that you had an emergency with a client.”

“Yeah, I should explain it to her, don’t worry. And as for the concert, thank you for bringing that up I was planning on going anyway, but I definitely need to make up for missing the meeting. I’ll block that time off right now.” He said as she reached for his tote and pulled his phone out. Diana smiled as he started typing away on his phone, reminding him of the date and time when he asked, “Does she have a favorite flower or candy bar or animal?”

“Mmmm, she likes all flowers and you know, she’s never really asked me for candy bars…” Diana said pensively, “But she’s currently obsessed with llamas, though I’d really prefer if you didn’t get her one.” She joked and he chuckled.

“Got it. Buy a whole herd of llamas.” He spoke aloud as he typed on his phone and she rolled her eyes playfully as he grinned, “Isn’t her birthday coming up next week? On the 8th?” Harry asked and Diana nodded with a smile.

“Yeah actually.”

“Is she having one of those 15 year old parties?” He asked and Diana shook her head.

“Hell no. We both felt the same about that. She hasn’t told me what she wants to do with her friends yet. Ooh maybe you can teach me how to bake a really nice cake for her.” She said and Harry nodded.

“Honestly, yes. I could come over on Saturday morning? It should maintain it’s freshness for Monday.” He assured and Diana nodded in agreement. “Wow…15 years old…what were you up to 15 years ago?” He asked her and she glanced to him with a straight face and his eyebrows raised before he started to laugh, “Oh shit, yeah you were pretty busy I’d say.” He chuckled as she shook her head with a giggle.

“Yeah, I’d say a little busy… just giving birth to a whole ass person!” She said and he chuckled again and then bit on his lip.

“Ummm, how was that by the way? Having Celeste, you said you were alone.” He recalled and she nodded.

“Well I was in class when I started getting contractions, but I wasn’t due until the next week so I didn’t think much of them. They were so small and far apart that I just took a Tylenol and continued on through my day.” She said and he shook his head, “I was in my night class when they started getting more intense and so I finished my class and drove myself to the hospital.”

“You finished class? You nerd…” He chuckled and she laughed.

“It was important to me! We were learning about neurotransmitters and the synaptic cleft and all that good stuff. Even made it to finals.” She said with a grin and he chuckled, “But ummm, once they told me I was dilating quite fast I called Damian, he was in France with his girlfriend at the time because we weren’t expecting her until the next week and so he found a flight, but he wouldn’t be making it util the next night the earliest so I knew I would be alone.” She said and her smile started to drop a bit, which he noticed quickly.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He said quietly and she shook her head.

“It’s alright.” She assured him with a small nod, “That was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do.” She continued, “Like…in the moment it’s kind of hard to remember that like…the female body is built to be able to give birth.” She explained with a small chuckle and he nodded, “The nurses were really great and supportive though, they’re the ones who reminded me that women are the most powerful people on the planet and they were so encouraging-”

“Hyping you up? As the kids say.” He asked and she chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah, as the kids would say.” She agreed, “And by 4am the next morning she was here!” She said with more excitement now.

“And you still went to finals?”

“Well, it was a Saturday when she was born and my first final was a Wednesday afternoon so that’s why I was able to go do that. I was only taking 3 classes at the time so it’s not like my schedule was insane for exams or anything like that.” She assured and he shook his head with a smile.

“Still! You had a baby.” He said and she giggled, “Did you know you were gonna name her Celeste?” He asked and she smiled.

“No. I was having such a hard time choosing a name. Like, I wanted a name that would also remind me a bit of Wes in some way and I was just having the hardest time doing that in a way that I liked. After she was born I was in the hospital, looking over some old photos for inspiration and well there were tons of football pictures of Wesley, our high school colors were light blue and white. And well, Wes was going to go to UCLA, which also has that light blue color. Then, in Spanish Celeste means light blue and that’s how I chose Celeste.” She shrugged and he smiled.

“It’s cool how you were able to make that connection. And well, it’s a beautiful name.” He said and she smiled.

“Thank you. As long as she likes it.” She smiled and he did as well.

“You’re so fucking cool and badass.” He smiled with pride and she looked away bashfully.

“I’m glad you think so.” She muttered, “My teenage daughter begs to differ.”

“OK, when you put it like that…” he teased and she laughed and shook her head.

“You’re so annoying.” She laughed and he grinned.

“I thought I was thoughtful…” he teased.

“We all have good and bad in us, don’t we?” She asked and he laughed softly.

“I suppose so.” He confirmed with a small smile and she sighed as they just looked at each other for a few moments and her lips quirked up in a smile again, “What?” He questioned.

“Nothing, you just…look cute with your glasses on.” She complimented and she didn’t miss how he got all bashful over it.

“Oh, ummmm, thanks. Ran out of contacts.” He explained and she hummed.

“Well, I like this but I’m also biased, if you haven’t noticed I have like…10 pairs of glasses.” She said and he chuckled.

“Yeah, but yours are all cool and funky, these are just plain.” He said.

“Yeah, meaning they don’t distract for your chiseled and handsome face.” She said with a grin.

“Chiseled and handsome, huh? Is that what you really think of me?” He asked and she giggled.

“I mean…it sounds better than just saying hot.” 

“No, no. Hot is good too.” He assured her and she sniggered along with him. “I like your office, it’s really nice, cozy.” 

“Thank you.” She smiled happily, “That’s the vibe I’m going for.” She assured, “How’s your grading coming along? Excited for finals next week?”

“It’s…coming.” He said and she chuckled, “The papers are so long…if they ask me back for another semester I’m gonna try an exam and see what I prefer to grade. What do you prefer?”

“Well the exams are definitely easier to grade. However, I prefer giving papers when I can, as annoying as it is, because the paper ensures that the student is applying their knowledge. If they submit a good paper that proves to me that the students have met all of the learning objectives of my class. I want them to think about the information and find a purpose for it. I mean, mostly anyone can memorize facts and answer questions about them, you know?”

“Yeah, I see your point.” He hummed pensively, “And well, my last classes were the ones this week since both sections are doing papers so I don’t have anything going for me next week.” He explained.

“So you would say yes if you were asked back?”

“Oh definitely. It was a bit terrifying at first, but I really love it. It feels like the perfect way to completely give back. Like yeah, it’s time consuming but definitely rewarding. You know, I felt so powerful and fucking cool when a student asked me for a recommendation letter a few weeks ago.” He said with a big smile and she giggled.

“Oh shit, don’t let the power go to your head!” She warned with a chuckle.

“I don’t know, it’s more gratifying than signing your name on things as a doctor.” 

“Hmmm…interesting.”

“Yeah, like believing in someone so much that you vouch for them? That’s so cool.”

“It actually is pretty cool…” she agreed with a smile. They were interrupted by her phone ringing on her desk and she excused herself before standing up and going to pick it up, “Hey!” She answered as she turned around to face him again as she rested her bum on the edge of her desk, “No, Damian I didn’t realize it was almost 9.” She said and his eyes widened in shock as she looked at him and nodded, “Well I got really sucked into grading and then Harry stopped by with some dinner so I- no, it’s not a date.” She said and Harry chuckled. He agreed this was not a date, at least not the kind of date he would want to take her on, but he was glad that she was talking about him to Damian instead of making up some lie as to why she was delayed.

“Well we just got to talking. I’ll be home soon, don’t wait up, it’s fine.” She said and Harry stood up and started making his way over to her with a smile and she glanced up at him as he placed his hands on her hips as he basically closed the space between them. Harry started to lean down to her and she raised her hand to not let him get too close to her face yet and so he just kissed the palm of her hand and she smiled at him as he then kissed up her fingers, his eyes not daring to leave hers, “Ummm no, she has school for 2 more weeks so cannot stay up until midnight.” Diana said and Harry grinned, “Of course she lied to you, she’s a teenager…OK, fine. When I get home she needs to head up. Yeah, yeah…bye.” She hung up and shook her head as she put her phone down before glancing up to him with a smile, “What’s the meaning of this?” She asked playfully.

“Nothing, it made me really happy that you didn’t lie about this.” He said simply and she smiled up at him.

“Feels good to say it.” She confessed and sure, it was something so simple but it was making Harry’s heart pound erratically with excitement.

“Can I kiss you, Professor Beltran?” He asked quietly with a smug smile and she giggled as he dipped down a bit lower and she hummed pensively.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” she teased as her hands now ran up and down his chest.

“Please?” He asked quietly, almost pleading with her as his hands inched back just enough to have his fingers dig into her bottom in perfect time with his request and she giggled quietly. 

“Ugh, fine…if you insist.” She said with a dramatic eye roll and he chuckled as he hoisted her up and she gasped in surprise until she felt him set her down on her desktop.

“There, you’re closer now.” He said as one of his hands cradled her face and she leaned into the warmth and comfort of his touch. He was a bit hesitant to get too close because he was fighting for his life against the erection that was raging in his pants, but she soon hugged him and pulled his body flush to her own and he exhaled shakily against her lips as she felt it pressed right up against her, their eyes were on each others’ as the sexual tension boiled over between them.

“You’re so hard for me.” She whispered, her lips tickling his with her soft words. He felt his cock throb and a chill traveled down his spine as he nodded, “Can I help you with it?” She asked and he tightened his grip on her waist as his other hand dragged her bottom lip down with his thumb.

“Love…” He whined and she smiled before kissing the pad of his thumb.

“What?”

“Is that a good idea?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have to do anything f’you don’t want though.” She whispered as her grip on him loosened up.

“Of course I want y’to but-”

“Then?” She interrupted as her hands came back to his chest and she gently raked her nails down his chest until they stopped at his trousers and he squeezed his eyes shut as his jaw tensed up and she smiled as she watched him try to keep himself composed.

“Fuck.” He groaned lowly as he knocked his head back and she leaned up a bit, supporting her weight with one hand against her desk to be able to kiss his neck and he sighed in relief as her lips sponged gentle kisses down the column of his throat. She could feel it bob as he swallowed thickly, “A-are you sure?” He asked and she hummed against his neck.

“Yeah, so fucking sure.” She whispered as she kissed him a bit harder and he dug his fingers into her as she started to suck a little, not enough to leave a mark though.

“Harder.” He mumbled his request, “Suck harder. Wanna see your mark on me tomorrow.” He muttered lowly and breathily and she moaned softly as she parted her mouth a bit more and sucked a bigger patch of his skin into her mouth as her right hands traveled lower to grope at the bulge in his pants, “Oh shit…” he sighed in satisfaction as she started to rub the palm of her hand up and down his length. He knew he was holding her too hard so he let her go and grabbed the edge of her desk instead, his grip was so hard that his knuckles were going white as she worked him up even more. She smoothed her tongue over the mark she left under his jaw before kissing it tenderly and then pulled back a bit.

“Can I undo your pants?” She asked him.

“Yeah, baby.” He confirmed and she moved forward with his permission. 

Diana immediately brought her hands to the button and unfastened it with ease before she moved to the zipper, she tugged it down gently and thankfully with a steady hand despite the nerves she felt at the prospect of being sexually intimate with someone after quite a long time. Nerves were natural. And she was relieved that she felt nervous in this moment rather than anxious, because she’d been so anxious about sexual intimacy, which is why she hadn’t done anything with anyone in a while. But Harry was a safe person to her, she knew that there was plenty more to learn about him, but she knew enough to trust him and to feel comfortable around him. She was attracted to him and she often found herself fantasizing about him when she got some alone time. She hadn’t realized that she’d not moved for a few moments until Harry’s hands grabbed her cheeks and turned her up to his face.

“Hey, are you OK?” He asked quietly as he searched her eyes.

“Ummm, yeah I’m just nervous and I was justing thinking that I haven’t done something like this in a really long time.” She explained.

“Like I said before, you don’t have to do anything f’you don’t want to.” He reminded her and she nodded.

“I know. I want to, I just…might be rusty.” She huffed through a small chuckle and he leaned in and kissed her slowly. Her mind just blanked as she got lost in the way that their lips moved together, almost like a dance. He was leading the kiss and she was following until she just needed more. She sucked at his bottom lip before peeking her tongue into his mouth and he took the hint and deepened the kiss. They were breathing hard now and her hand sunk back down and slipped under his open trousers to feel him over his underwear. She couldn’t help it as her mouth watered upon feeling the outline of his erection straining the fabric over it. Her fingers came back up to the band of the briefs and ran over it a few times, building up the courage to get underneath it. She appreciated that Harry wasn’t rushing her to do anything despite his evident desperation for her. He then parted his lips from her and smiled at her. “What is it?” She asked at the smirk adorning his lips.

“You’re definitely not rusty.” He assured, “Teasing the way you are is a pro move.” He sniggered and she bit her bottom lip for a moment.

“I have a confession to make.”

“Go on.”

“It’s not deliberate, I’m just stalling.” She admitted through a giggle and he chuckled as he kissed her cheek.

“Well it definitely doesn’t come across like that.” He said with a smile.

“Well good.” She sighed through a giggle. And her smile dropped as she bit her lip again and glanced down to watch as her hand gently pulled the band of his briefs away from his body, “So you like being teased?” She asked quietly before glancing up into his eyes. Harry nodded in confirmation because he couldn’t trust his voice at the moment. Not with her fingers toying with the band of his briefs and with her big, beautiful eyes peering into his own. He had been craving her for ages and here they were, on the brink of having just a little bit more with each other, it was too exhilarating, “Why?” She asked and he chuckled.

“Ummm, it’s exciting I guess. To not know when to expect something. The building of the tension…fighting to keep your composure…edging…” he said and she hummed in understanding as she glanced down between them and then back into his eyes, “I mean, patience is a virtue I’ve been blessed with.” He smiled smugly and she grinned.

“Hmmm, can’t say the same for me.” She admitted, “I hate to be kept waiting.” She said with a smile.

“We’ll see about that.” He hummed as he placed his hands on her thighs and she smirked as she finally dipped her hand into his briefs and tugged them low enough that his penis was freed up and fell into the minimal space between them. She licked over her lips with lust, watching it bob up and down a few times with the weight of it. It was really pretty, she couldn’t deny it. It was uncut, long and thick, his tip was a dark pink and everything inside of her was begging her to lick and suck at it until his arousal was pooling steadily into her mouth. She had to touch him and so she quickly wrapped her hand around his shaft and gave him a gentle squeeze. Harry sighed in relief and she smiled lightly as she looked back at his face only to find that he was already looking at her. Despite the hungry look in his eyes, he remained calm and like he had said, patient. So patient, so good, so determined to not pressure her or push her into continuing on if she changed her mind and in the end that’s exactly why she continued. She tightened her grip around him a little more and dragged her hand up and he squeezed her thighs just a bit in return, “S’that alright?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, feels good.” He said lowly and she dragged her fist back down. Harry swallowed thickly as she started to set her pace. He was just about to ask her to mind his tip when she started to circle over it with her thumb and he moaned lowly as his eyes squeezed shut at the new and delicious sensation, “That’s…that’s so good.” He hummed and she bit her lip, not sure whether to watch his face contorting in pleasure and satisfaction, or to just stare at his beautiful penis. She decided to put her saliva to good use and pulled her hand away to spit onto her palm and then wrap it back around his cock. He groaned as the slickness made her strokes glide with even more ease and in her excitement she started going a little faster and his body tensed up, “Fuck, just like that, baby.” He chuckled breathily as his head dropped back and his fingers dug into her thighs.

Harry’s heart was pounding in his chest as he fought to just keep it down. He had only been dreaming of this moment for months now and it was finally coming true. His breathing was labored as he grunted quietly with each stroke of Diana’s fist over his cock. He was so fucking hard that he just felt this immense pressure in his lower stomach. His fingers were gripping hard at her thighs, just needing to hold on to something so that he didn’t feel like he was withering away every time her fist dragged over his sensitive and leaking tip. The build up was incredible, he could feel his knees buckling the closer and closer he got to his orgasm. His breathing was hitching in his throat and he’d bite down hard on his lip to keep his sounds to a minimum because the pleasure had him reeling, he’d been waiting for this with her for so long and it was superseding his expectations.

“Oh fuck, baby!” He moaned as she tightened her fist a bit more and started stroking faster, building him up for his finish, “Y-you’re gonna make me come.” He panted as he spared a glance down to his cock in her fist, watching it moving up and down quickly, “I’m so close!” He grunted and she smiled at him and it was making him melt.

“Yeah, baby?” She asked and his entire body jolted when he heard her call him that. He swore that his heart exploded just from hearing her call him a term of endearment and that was his undoing. He could feel his entire body tingling and he forced himself to remove his hands from her thighs and instead gripped the desk as his abs started to clench and his lungs to tighten without his permission. He felt like time froze for a few seconds as the pleasure peaked and his jaw slacked as he panted hard, trying to keep himself quiet as he felt the thick, milky streams of his sperm started to shoot out of his tip. He thrust into her hand as she kept going, keeping her pace to get him through the entirety of his orgasm and as his thrusting slowed and his breathing shuddered she slowly came to a stop, not releasing him just yet, but definitely loosening her grip around him. Despite his orgasm, his cock hadn’t softened yet. She could feel him throbbing in her hand, that big vein on the underside pulsed in perfect time with his rapid heart beat, “You’re still so hard. Got a little more for me?” She asked as she glanced up to him and he blinked his eyes open and nodded.

“Go slow.” He whispered and she nodded as she started stroking him a bit again, “Fuck yeah.” He hummed as he watched intently this time as she milked the last bit out of him. Definitely not as much as the first one, but there was just a little more he needed to get out of his system. These last couple streams just oozed out of his tip and down her fist and with a brain still foggy with pleasure he grabbed her face and kissed her hungrily. His tongue invaded her mouth and slid against her own as her soft moan poured into his mouth. Moments later they parted and he rested his forehead against hers, “Fuck, that was incredible, thank you, baby.” He said through his ragged breathing and she nuzzled her nose against his before kissing his lips quickly.

“No problem.” She sniggered and he smiled.

“Your turn?” He asked suggestively as he kissed her cheek.

“Maybe another time, I need to get home.” She huffed and he pulled back and pouted.

“I feel like a total ass now. I knew I should’ve insisted on ladies first.” He said and she shook her head.

“No, no, no, it’s alright. To be quite honest this was…a lot. I wasn’t expecting to do that. And I don’t regret it, at all!” She clarified, “But I’m just not…ready for that… w-with you…I think.” She explained nervously. Not really sure how he would react, but he just nodded.

“That’s alright. You don’t need to justify it to me.” He said and she frowned.

“I think I do.” She said and went to reach for his face but then saw that she was still covered in his cum, “Oh, ummm-”

“Hang on.” Harry said and then reached behind her and pulled a couple of tissues from the box she had on her desk and cleaned her of his mess, “There.” He said softly before balling up the tissues and tossing them in the garbage can right beside her desk.

“Thanks. Ummm…” she started and sighed, “It’s not that I don’t want to do this with you, believe me I do! I’ve gotten off to the thought of doing plenty of things with you a few times already…and fuck, that’s…TMI.” She shook her head, the nerves were getting the best of her, and he grinned at her confession but he stayed quiet and let her finish, “I’m just…afraid of what that’ll mean for me.” She explained, “Like I…” she sighed and swallowed thickly, expressing her feelings was so hard for her but she needed to do it now, she owed it to him, “I like you, Harry. I like you a lot and I just think that…if we’re not careful I could see myself really falling for you and-”

“OK, would that really be such a bad thing?” He asked.

“Yes! It would be right now, at least.” She said to him.

“I think you’re just scared.”

“Of course I am! I just told you I’m afraid of this! Of us! Of what I feel!” She groaned, “I’m not ready.” She shook her head, “I’m not ready to add more complications to what we already have going on! If I sleep with you it’ll change everything!”

“We’re not gonna have sex. We don’t have to for as long as you don’t want.”

“I’ll cave! I’ll cave because it’s you! I mean…fuck!” She groaned in frustration.

“Di, look at me.” He said softly as her eyes met his, “I care about you. I only want you. You’re all I think about day in and day out. I’m starting to fall for you, even with the limited access I have to your life! I want this. I want you.” He said to her earnestly.

“Well it’s not just me, Harry.” She said softly, “I have my daughter to think about as well. My happiness is her happiness and vise versa.”

“You know that I care about Celeste, love.”

“Being a father is far more complex than just caring about someone, Harry. And you’ve told me before that you never wanted kids!” She reminded and he sighed.

“It’s a little more complicated than that for me, but even still! People change their minds all the time!”

“I don’t want you to just change your mind just to get me in exchange, Harry. What if you change your mind about this again? What if I let you in and you wake up one day and realize that you never wanted that?” She asked and he shrugged.

“I’d never commit to you without considering all of that seriously first, Diana. And well, you just need to trust me.” He said simply and she sighed and shook her head.

“I need to go.” She said instead and pushed him back a bit so that she could get back on her feet and he just moved aside and did his pants back up. He felt his heart aching more and more by the second as she just turned around to face away from him and he frowned as she started to cry.

“Di, baby.” He said softly as he reached for her arm and she flinched away from him, “Don’t do this.” He pleaded quietly. His heart broke as she started to sob. He felt beyond shitty now, but she insisted that it had been fine, that she wanted to take this step with him. Maybe he should’ve tried harder to dissuade her? Sure, she was saying that she didn’t regret it but she was crying about it and that certainly wasn’t because she was happy about what they had done. He rolled his lips together for a moment, but before he could even continue beating himself up over this he nipped that in the bud with a curt, but painful sentence, “I knew I shouldn’t have come here.” He said lowly, but not low enough to spare her from his words. They cut deep and made her let out another sob, “Ummm…tell your brother to have a good flight for me.” He said before grabbing his things. She turned around now, sniffling.

“Harry…” she whimpered.

“I can’t keep doing this with you!” He said with frustration, “It’s not fair! I understand that you’re hurt and that you’re scared but you can’t keep hiding behind your tragedies, Diana!” he expressed, “I mean, it’s been 15 years, Di. Don’t you ever get tired of making the same excuses?” He asked her with a frown, “You self-sabotage better than anyone I’ve ever known! And at this point you’re actively choosing to not move on from the past. You’re choosing this for yourself.” He said with pity and she hiccuped on her sob, “And quite frankly I…I don’t need this.” He said to her and headed out. The loud bang of her office door closing behind him made her flinch. Moments later the door swung open again, “And don’t you dare bookmark this moment as an example of how people always abandon you or that you’ve always been alone because I have tried. I have tried for months!” He pointed at her before leaving again and right before she could even make her next move he came back through the door again, “And I don’t know why I feel like the biggest asshole when you’re the one who insisted on getting me off! I have feelings too! I’m not an experiment for you to figure out what the fuck you want or what you are and aren’t ready for!” He scolded.

“I know you’re not, Harry.” She said quietly

“Well that’s what you’re making me feel like! I feel used. You…you push me away and then pull me back in and give me hope that we can work things out and then you push me away again until something happens and I’m just stupidly available for you! Taking any crumb of attention you’re willing to spare me. I know you’re in a tough spot, but if you don’t see this going anywhere just say it.” He said and she frowned.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I assure you I never meant to make you feel that way.” She apologized and he sighed.

“I know…I know that, but that’s what you’re doing.” He said to her sadly and her heart broke seeing the pain in his eyes, “Maybe I am the asshole for pursuing you when I knew how you felt about this from the start.” He concluded sadly.

“You’re not an asshole, Harry.” She said coming up to him and taking his hands in hers and her frown deepened when he pulled them out of her grasp.

“I stand by what I said before I can’t do this anymore.” He said looking into her eyes as she started to cry again, “Just…figure your shit out, Diana.” He said with disappointment before heading out and after a few more moments he didn’t return.

Diana groaned in frustration as more tears fell and after a few more minutes of that she started to clean up. She put all of their now empty food containers in the bag they’d arrived in and set them by the trash can; she put her decor back where they went and then grabbed her things to head out. When she opened her office door to leave she saw Harry standing right across the hall with his phone in his hand and he glanced up at her.

“Didn’t want you to walk alone at this hour.” He said quietly. Diana just pulled her door shut, hearing it click to indicate it had locked.

“Thank you.” She said and he nodded as they started to head down the hall in silence. When they got in the elevator they stood across from each other, he glanced back at his phone and she just stayed looking at him and as she glanced down his body she rolled her lips together to suppress the giggle that wanted to leave her mouth despite the clear tension brewing between them, “Ummm, you’ve got ummm…cum on your pant leg.” She said and he glanced up to her.

“Well so do you.” He said and she glanced down at herself and saw that she was indeed stained as well.

“Oh…thanks.” She responded and then glanced up at him again, “N-not for the cum stain! F-for telling me about it.” She clarified and his eyes met her’s again and he shook his head as he fought a smile, “What?”

“Well duh, goes without saying that you were thanking me for telling you and not for…Jesus.” He said and she started to giggle and he shook his head. “Stop that! I’m still mad at you.” He said as he fought his hardest to keep a straight face.

“You can still be mad at me and laugh at my scrambled up brain.” She said and he shook his head.

“You’re something else…” he chuckled lowly and she smiled, she’d accept that over him shouting all her truths to her face. 

The doors finally slid open and they started making their way to the parking structure closest to her building. She was definitely angry at him for losing his patience and shouting at her, but she wasn’t going to fight him on it because he was totally right about everything he’d said. Maybe in a couple of days once he’d cooled off she’d be able to tell him that she didn’t love the way he spoke to her and that maybe in the future he could vocalize his concerns earlier on instead of letting everything build up this way? But as that thought materialized in her head she recognized that trying to “avoid” her feelings for him was futile because well, they already existed despite how cautious she thought she was being. It was pointless to try and shut someone out who had already been let in. Even without her realizing it, his charming, helpful, and loving nature had softened her up enough that he’d unknowingly made a home for himself in her heart and she didn’t want that space to be empty. She loved him. There was no question about it.

“Hey, what is it? Did you forget something?” Harry asked because she had stopped walking and she soon shook her head as she looked at him.

“Ummm, no, it’s fine. I’m…I’m fine.” She assured and he looked at her skeptically for a moment before she nodded again in reassurance and they kept walking. She obviously wanted to tell him but it would feel a tad manipulative to say it to him right after the argument they had. Like she’d say anything to not lose him and continue using him, she didn’t want him to even think that was an option. Of course she wasn’t using him, she could never, but it made her so sad to know that he felt like that. Like he was just a person she called on for convenience. And well, if he was done, she had no idea what she would do, but she certainly didn’t want to hurt him anymore. She was mulling the thoughts in her head until they got into the structure.

“What floor are you on?”

“Second.” She said.

“Do you want to take the stairs?”

“I don’t care, I just…I need you to know that I’m not using you, I never have.” She explained to him, “I hate to think that I make you feel that way about us. And yeah, I admit that I do call for you when things get tough but because you…you make me feel safe and looked after and you always know what to say to make me feel better and I…I need you.” She said and his eyes softened, “I want you around. I enjoy being with you and around you and I don’t ever want you to feel like anything we’ve shared together has been some scheme to just keep you close by until things get better.” She sighed.

“I’m not great at expressing my feelings or even knowing what to do with them, like I’ve grown up with such cold and callous people and the only time I ever let myself fall in love was with Wes and look how that ended!” She expressed with frustration, “You’re right, I choose to be alone. But it’s not because I enjoy it or want to be alone, it just works for me! It always has! I’m just fine all alone! I always had been until…until you.” She confessed as she met his gaze, “It scares me to know that everything I know about how to live and carry myself would potentially change. Like I’ve been this way since I was 19, Harry! That’s a really long time…15 years.” She said to him and he nodded, “I think that more than getting hurt, I fear hurting you.” She explained, “And I feel like shit knowing I already did. And you’ve been wonderful and so patient with me and I know that I’ve pushed the bar way too fucking much. So I…understand why you’re done with this. W-with me.” She said as her eyes welled up and he frowned, “I don’t want to string you along, Harry. You don’t deserve this so I respect your decision.” She said and swallowed thickly.

“You respect my decision?” He asked her and she nodded, “Diana…that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” He said to her and she frowned, “We both have a say in this. If you agree that whatever this was has run it’s course, fine. But don’t just agree with me if that’s not what you want!” He said to her and she sighed.

“Well you’re clearly done and upset with me, why would I try and change your mind?” She asked.

“Because! It’s what people do when they…care about each other! They fight for each other. They try and work things out!” He responded, completely exasperated.

“Well, I’ve never had to do that before so…now I know.” She said and he shook his head as he fought off a smile, “What?”

“Nothing I just…forget that it’s been a while for you.” He said and she chuckled through her tears.

“More than a while, I’d say…” she responded and he hummed in agreement with a smile.

“I’m sorry I blew up on you that was wrong of me.” He apologized, he was always so good about that, it was one of her favorite things about him.

“I accept your apology, but I understand why you exploded like that. And you know, I’d like to think that I’m a pretty receptive and approachable person about this kind of stuff. So maybe in the future you can just tell me as things come up and not let it build up to that point, you know?” She said and he smiled.

“In the future, huh?” He asked and she felt her cheeks heat with a blush as she nodded.

“Yeah, in the future.” She repeated, “That is of course i-if you still want to be in my life in the future. Because I’d really like you to be.” She clarified softly and he reached for her hand and the amount of relief she felt surge through her body was epic and she just batted him aside  and hugged him instead and he chuckled as he hugged her back.

“Of course I want to be in your life.” He said softly as he rocked them back and forth a bit. 

“Good. I’m so sorry for making you feel less important than you are to me.” She apologized yet again.

“I guess I forgive you.” He hummed and she scoffed playfully which made him smile.

“Ummm, Harry?” 

“Yeah, love?”

“Would you want to go on a date with me?” She asked as she pulled back to meet his gaze.

“I’d love to.” He responded immediately with a big grin.

“Perfect! I’ll plan something and run it by you.” She said with a meek smile.

“Perfect.” He agreed. He couldn’t stop smiling because yes, it had been hard, but what he felt for her was well worth the challenges. He couldn’t lie to himself about his feelings, they were more “love” than just “like” by now and well, he knew that was big. So he wouldn’t spring that on her just yet, but he couldn’t wait for the day where he’d finally be able to just say it to her. Just tell her that he loves her.

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[bronzeageyuri]

Ur ocs look really cool, I hope this is okay to ask but what's your oc world like??

tumblr is being VERY fussy about letting me post this 💔 anyways It's totally okay to ask I love talking about my OC setting ^.^ Also this setting has a lot of religious theming to it just so you know!

The (temporary) name for the setting is Ys! You can think of this world as existing in a Pangaea-like state.

This land has a few different major nations (ordering these from Northernmost to Southernmost):

- Lapta: a frigid, snow-covered nation that is considered mysterious to the rest of the world. Outsiders rarely travel here due to the treacherous conditions, but some nomadic peoples as well as merchants sometimes travel southwards. These people are usually the prominent source of information of news from. Lapta is notable in that many ancient gods continue to be worshipped here! Their major goddess is Zarihan, the goddess of healing and god. Supposedly Zarihan crashed to the Earth like a meteorite some many years ago, forming a sacred lake in the region. Zari is mentioned in some other religions but doesn't take nearly as big of a role! Festivals worshipping her often involving donning heavy golden masks. My OC Azusa is from here, and he wears a mask characteristic of the region!

- Chione is just south of Lapta. It's much smaller and not nearly as cold! It's one of the few places in the world where monarchy is still a big thing, though it has little political influence overall. A common export from Chion is a purple dye created from flowers called Ianthe flowers, which are notoriously hard to grow. My OC Parinyan is a dye creator!

- Beneath Chione is Emathia. Emathia is the largest nation. It was the home of both Amadsis, a famed hero-king, and of Solomon, an infamous king who plunged the world into a horrible war some hundreds of years ago. The weather here is cold, but not nearly as frigid as Lapta or Chion. One of Emathia's famous features is it's massive library, which contains some truly ancient books! It is also where the world's airship industry got it's start.

Emathia's central deities are Makaea, the goddess of the moon (and protector of lost travelers), and Mirnath, god of the sun (he used to be a god of war, but nowadays is associated more with fortune and magic). Makaea is the wife to the Hero-king Amasis as well :~)

Strangely enough, no one's been able to find Solomon's ancient castle... not even a relic!

- Next is Paros, the central continent. A major city here is called Psamthe, which is actually where the story starts! Paros is kind of a mass of different peoples and cultures. People who are traqveling to sell their wares tend to set up shop here, and some of course end up deciding to live in Paros... one famous shop here is a jewelry store owned by a weird but loving family.

Paros' major deity is Lajavard, the god of the skies, though Paros employs more of a pantheistic system and borrows gods and religious aspects from many different lands. It's part of what makes Paros feel so friendly and welcoming!

- There's a small area between Paros and Illyria, the southernmost land, called Thracia... Thracia is home to the town of Elaia, which exports a spice called Black Sand. It's very famous! The story of how Elaia was established is a famous one too; the patron deity, whose name is Also Elaia, is sometimes called the Goddess of Bawdy Comedy. A cute custom here is that during weddings, the bride is tasked with making her groom laugh! after all, what better show of love than perfectly knowing your partners sense of humour? (gay weddings can skip this but they usually don't. it's a very fun part of the ceremony!)

- And lastly is Illyria! This one is the most developed in world building terms because it's where the first arc of the story takes place 😭 Illyria is notable for changing massively over the years, and this change was spearheaded by iride, it's first recorded queen. She was a strategic genius who managed to ward off Solomon's forces during the war, and later befriended Makeda, Solomon's wife (Makeda beheaded him and later became king of Emathia herself, but that's another story).

While the old castle of Illyria is no longer in use, it stands tall a symbol of Iride's strength. The capital here is a city called Illion, which is where Iride's descendants now live. Though this was once a monarchy, the more recently constructed castle serves more as a community center than a place to show royal power. Another city is Rizinia, which is a major trading hub!

The major deity of Illyria is Ys, goddess of the earth, protector of children, lady of the harvest. She is the husband of Lajavard and the lover of Zarihan. She was a goddess first worshipped by Iride and her people, so her conception is more recent! And yet she's massively important all the same.

An important story in both Illyria and Lapta's religion is that of Ys' death and revival. She was killed by a plot laid by her jealous sister Kuja (goddess of the seas, death, and the afterlife), which brought a great deluge upon the world as Lajavard grieved her. Zarihan is then sent down to Earth by her parent to provide aid, and crashes into the Earth, forming a hole through the clouds of deluge and allowing the sun to shine down...! She travels to the very depths of the sea where Ys' body is being held, and revives her with an ancient magic only known to Zari and her children.

Zari fades into obscurity after her role in this story in every land except for Lapta like I mentioned....

This is all I can think to write rn so I hope this was at least 😭 and makes enough sense

[datastate]

YOUR TURN TO DIE CODENAMES :

(honestly something that charmed me abt yttd was how quickly and easily they compiled together to introduce themselves & collaborate to figure out the situation. it's something i deeply appreciate and also feels more realistic honestly? so this isn't really a fleshed out idea, but i just thought it was fun to play around with :P)

SARA - Adrasteia

As amusing as it���d be for her to be named ‘Steelmind’ or ‘Samurai(onna)’—I can’t see her as having the sort of pride to assume those nicknames willingly. Instead, this name would be something much more personal to her, hence tapping into the headcanoned interest in space (as well as the fact that she most resembles a moon in a symbolic sense, even if it’s only recognized by Kai: Sara stands as the only light in darkness); Adrasteia, though oddly formed, is one of the close moons of Jupiter. In mythology, Adrasteia (dependent on interpretation) was Zeus’ daughter and she is associated with the inevitability of fate, closely knit with Nemesis—goddess of divine retribution.

GIN - Gator

Considering his current hyperfixation on alligators, he would probably take up the name! Though he personally considers them cute, he’s most likely aware of the general perception of them and intends to use this to his advantage—he wants to be recognized as a kid worth his weight! One who can support the others, and who deserves to be taken seriously! Gators can be intimidating for that. This lines up with him often using “woof” in his more forceful dialogue to try to seem more intimidating/confident/etc. Additionally, this has a hard ‘G’ sound matching his name, in case he slips up.

KANNA - Rose

This one’s a fairly simple name :P Although Kanna has a wide-range of knowledge on botany, this is a common flower that I feel as if Kugie appreciated (associated most with red/green). With this, Kanna also falls in line with typical associations to roses: she’s a very loving person (red), as was her sister (although it took time. At the start of the game, she has had her childish innocence broken (white), but then finds solace in that she can at least trust sara (pink; whether or not the bond is reciprocated).

SHIN/’SOU’ - [ARG]

The name of a Japanese ARG (or the protagonist of); I think he’d find them fascinating and it’s unfortunately very fitting for the experiment he’s been thrown into. This is also something which many of the others may not immediately identify. [I don’t know many ARGs, which makes this codename a little difficult to come up with but I will find one Eventually…] Alternatively, he may continue to use ‘Hiyori’ as a reminder for what he’s obligated to keep up if he wishes to survive, as well as the tonal opposite in the meanings behind his name. However, for the sake of this whole idea, I don’t want to be redundant with what we already know.

KAI - Wisteria

The name is taken from the kanji in his own, as he often understates the few truths he does offer to read into (most prominent in YTTS, but even in the Death Game, he only scarcely hides what he truly is when he deems it relevant—unless it places him in danger). In Eastern cultures, wisteria often symbolizes devotion (humbling yourself as to honor another) and longevity (in both a youthful and loving sense). Kai uses ‘Wisteria’ both as a wish that he should survive, though his devotion is all which matters for the remainder of his life. Purple wisterias are also used for royal and wealthy associations, implicating the Chidouins as well as serving as a reference to the importance of the Satou family in their clan.

Q-TARO - Q / Yasuke

Q: Simple name, simple reasoning. He figures he’s already in Central League and known, so there’s no real need to put up an entirely different name. They were all dragged here anyway, weren’t they?

Yasuke: (This is entirely headcanon. Hi. Forgive me.) Similar to the reasoning behind Kai’s and the ‘Hiyori’ name, Q-taro’s using Yasuke as a reminder for why he’s fighting to live—as that’s his boyfriend. In-game, I personally imagine he is usually wearing Yasuke’s ring anyhow, but this is a much more prominent reminder and an easy name to pick on the spot. Additionally, the name Yasuke with the kanji 弥介 represents being fiercely protective.

ALICE - Keys

I have a very specific scene in mind for how this goes: Alice is tied up for questioning, and instead of answering he’s exasperatedly like: “Keys!” and Keiji’s sarcastically like “Your name’s Keys?” but Sara’s autism makes her take it literally even with Alice going: “Just give me the keys, for goodness…!!” — Unfortunately (for Alice), it sticks.

A play on the fact he’s a prisoner, along with the fact its through his own actions that he truly became a murderer after all… considering Hiyori’s doesn’t count, even if it was indeed with intent to harm him. Either way, it’s including that self-imposed guilt which Keiji also shares, not allowing himself to move past it in the least. Alice accepts Asunaro’s label of ‘murderer’…

REKO - Koto / Kutiyapi

Realistically, she’d probably be found out as “that rockstar”—unless Joe and Sara were successfully able to keep their own names under wraps, in which case I do think that he’d be more wary to give out where he recognized some people. Either way, she’s clearly openly associated with music. However, I’ve chosen a more traditional approach. I prefer the sound of the kutiyapi to represent her, but that is a Filipino instrument—either way, strings! Although she’s involved in (presumably) more upbeat music, I feel as if Reko is best represented by traditional stringed instruments as to represent her love for music as a whole and how it’s developed over the years and over various cultures. In line with this, though she likely wouldn’t admit it to the others, the form resembles her. Much as she’s personally changed over the years, as crafters draw from different woods or shapes, the fact of the matter stays the same: she needs music to find her voice and make her feel fulfilled.

NAO - Heart (Kokoro)

:] I think it’s cute and it fits her well! This would also be easier for the Professor to remember and correct if he begins saying ‘Miss Ego-koro’—quickly cutting to the latter half. Nao’s passion to live and how deeply she empathizes and connects with the other participants is of utmost importance in the game… And it is interesting how others interpret that. Whereas this compassion is something that many participants need, Kai and Keiji in particular may be more wary of just how far acting based upon emotion alone can carry you, the danger it puts not only yourself but others into and how easily your love can be twisted/broken.

KAZUMI - Canary

An animal to try to connect with Gin and dissuade that initial suspicion :’] & because he vaguely knows of some shorebirds/waders… surely. But, with that, canary also fits the horrors…! In my interpretations, Kazumi’s current self often utilizes his death as something for the group to learn from, or dying in another’s stead; hence, canary in the coal mine. In both life and death, he wishes to emphasize that hope which canaries do. Even outside of the Death Game’s context, he’s someone who’s been through many rough patches in his life and has made it out with a brighter outlook on life that he likely never would’ve achieved otherwise, now with a much more passionate desire to live a fulfilling one rather than merely successful.

[leefi]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere Read-through | Part 8: 100-127 (END)

Part 1: 1-14 | Part 2: 14-22 | Part 3: 22-34 | Part 4: 34-64 | Part 5: 64-80 | Part 6: 81-90 | Part 7: 90-100 | Part 8: 100-127 (caught up here)

How did Anna have a contact paradox...how many people is ophelia twinning her infinite feminine energy with...ok my new theory is that everyone is ophelia, except for theo chan, who is currently having the worst acid trip of his life

Su keeps pointing out how Kam had been weirdly reticient to Fang's ideas surrounding the murders basically leading up to the moment of their death. She's maybe mutually noticed something with them, or has privately ruled them out as the culprit. At first I thought they were maybe in cahoots but it doesn't seem to go both ways - but then again Fang was always super in their own head anyway, and kind of acts like a chaotic neutral-good agent (helping the rest of the class but also working to solve the mystery just for the sake of solving it/as an intellectual exercise). I really do think they were familiar with Balthazar to some degree (not necessarily in cahoots, they just know more about his deal than the rest of the class), but don't have much to go off of beyond that. Just wanna mention they were both pseudo-outsiders to the group. Also don’t wanna forget that Balt is primarily connected to Zeno in the first place, and nebulously connected to Utsu. He’s also a thanatomancer just like her.

Su said she can't help but feel as if this whole scenario was made for her. Is this her punishment? But why would she be getting punished?

Balthazar's name means "Bel protect the king". Actually let me look everyone up im curies

Kamrusepa was a goddess of magic and medicine. Go visit the Wikipedia page, the myth she appears in is pretty cool. Her symbol is an iron throne.

Ran: From Japanese 蘭, meaning orchid

Kuroka: From Japanese 黒岡, meaning black hill. thinking abt the story's cover art

Utsushikome was the name of a Japanese empress

Theodoros means divine gift/god’s gift

Ezekiel means strength of god

Seth means annointed, or placed. He was Adam and Eve’s third child, born after Abel’s death to appease the family’s heartbreak

I can’t find for his specific spelling but Bardia means exalted, lofty

theo zeke and seth are all biblical names im assuming. which is an interesting connection considering what the three of them are being accused of right now! bardia isn’t - it’s of persian origin. maybe the 3 of them were in cahoots about killing him together because of brett and the blood gulch. brettdiya

Fang: From Chinese 芳 (fāng), a gender-neutral name meaning "wind, fragrant, virtuous, beautiful". Kam’s name is also apparently associated with air but i could only find it on a google search excerpt. The goddess of medicine thing felt more prescient

Interesting thing I found on Fang’s name Wikipedia page! not implying that this is connected to the story, just wanted to share a cool thing given that this historical figure was an alchemist like them

Our group really did feel small and fragile now-- Down to just eight people. Even with the barrier, it didn't feel completely safe.

genuinely stupefied over how linos is still fucking alive. why haven’t they eaten him yet

I think Fang and the council lied about how long they'd been at the Sanctuary. That would explain why they seemed familiar with Balthazar too - they'd already met in a way that isn't impossible from when they walk into the conference room, announcing themselves. I think Kamrusepa had knowledge of this too - likely due to her position as class head. But why hasn’t she suspected Fang of Vijana’s death then? If she only knew that they agreed to show up, then kept it a secret from everyone else she would’ve tried to fit them into the murder puzzle. No, there’s probably something more she knows about Fang's role in this...

Yeah, Ezekiel was never supposed to meet Balthazar either. Ughhhhh this is making my HEAD HURT. FUCKING WEEKEND AT BALTHAZAR'S

im still laughing over him wearing the sunglassesssss indoors btwww. that was so cunty of him

You are what you are, and you can't be anything else. Right?

Ran of Hoa Trinh I love youuuuuuuu

me: wow i miss fang so much. sometimes i can still read their voice

READ ME

HEY GUYS

me: NOWAY

i spent the first day basically hiding out on my own in neffies room and only snuck out a couple times.

Neffie!!!!!!!!! also this could explain why the group saw nef grabbing a package of food over surveillance and delivering it to her room? but also was fang then the last person to see her alive?

The way Fang describes tls time is reminding me a lot of the Epic of Gilgamesh weird endless looping notepad fanfic where you can shuffle the pages around. Su found it AGES ago and I don’t think it’s been mentioned since. “anyway time in tls is FUCKED UP. it's not even really time at all. it's like if you asked a dumbass how they think time works and then made it that way instead. like ok. imagine you're some asshole god. and you can see that object. the whole 10d universe, everything that has happened+will ever happened etc. and you want something different to happen, but can't make it happen because everything already exists. so instead you grab a 1d point and pull it loose. a single "frame" of reality or something idk. now on its own that's not gonna do much right? but then you break it and make it rebuild itself. so then you have a new frame. bam. tls.”

ahh shit. i'm out of time. assuming i was killed and i'm not showing you this as a joke:

if i was shot from the garden, that means that the culprit doesn't remember the previous loops.

if i was shot from inside the room, that means they do.

AWAAYWAWYAWAWYAYW A GETS UP AND RUNS AROUND THE ROOM IN CIRCLES AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND

Su was pretty sure that the shot came from outside, and her memory is supposed to be the most reliable, like how Ptolema’s observations are. I don't think she'd emphasize it in her internal narration twice unless Lurina wanted to stress it

Does it even matter who the culprit is? Could the culprit already be dead??? RAHHHHHHHH

"It sounds more like you just don't want it to be true," Ezekiel observed. He seemed strangely resigned, like he'd already accepted the idea, though I couldn't say why that was the case.

its because he went up to bal's crazy funtime room and achieved enlightenment

Does granddad know that kuroka became shiko. I'm not talking about the dementia. I mean we saw him being against the idea and then Samium may have acted independently. But also Sami seemed to have been ignoring Kuroka completely. How does she fit into this puzzle? What did Su say, that they needed someone Shiko knew?

When she says she and granddad are really alike...maybe she means in comparison that Wen is his lost person and Shiko is hers. And they're both grasping for something they'll never have again

WHYW HW THEO CHAN IS ON THE STAGE????? REVUEDOROS???????????

oooh director and playwright treat specific scenes or character actions with probability...how inch resting

PTOLEMA BEING THE FIRST TO DETECT SOMETHING IS OFF WITH THE PLAYWRIGHT/DIRECTOR FOURTH WALL BREAK. SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP!!! SHE'S A SAVANT!

Joshi…hmm…modernized anima scripting…. HEIGHT SCRIPTING?

YOU CAN PLASTIC SURGERY YOUR HEIGHT NOW!!! SWEEEEEEEEEPPPP. also what is joshis blood type and culinary notes. i need it for my research

Su says the name is familiar but i'm confident we've never heard it before. how am i so sure? well it's all thanks to my beautiful gorgeous mind (i quote searched it on google) (ran also clarifies like 3 lines later but i didn’t see it because i was too busy quote searching on google)

Is this bioenclosure the same case as the pantry? anomalous to the time loops, kept more preserved thanks to the previous experiments they ran on it?

I climbed the stairs, and there she was at last, standing at the rear wall

PLAYWRIGHT: Ack, no! That doesn't work for this scenario! Switch it over to the alternative!

DIRECTOR: <sighing> Very well...

sorry that was me. but i got shy

THE IRON PRINCE STUFF. HUH

A MIND TRANSFERRED TO A MACHINE OF IRON…HUHHHHHH

Would putting someone’s mind in that kind of machine turn them into an invincible god? Like they’d have limitless connection to the power. Is that the key to immortality? Ok they clarify this in like 5 lines cool. Is that what the Order was trying to do in erasing themselves? Give themselves godlike powers then dip? Unmmn My brain feels like mush and baby im stirring that pot

They'd covered the sun in photovoltaic panels, and built minds for themselves as vast as oceans, where they could rule over their own artificial realities like gods. The rest of the human population lived and died by their leave, either as specks of detritus on Earth and the smaller colonies spread about the solar system and its close neighbors, or in a lesser state of transcendence within their domains. It was paradise and hell at once. All progress ground to a halt, and the distinction between real and unreal ceased to matter.

this literally happened in cookie clicker

ANNA???????????

WHAT

???

HUH??????

UHHHHHHHH

Sure. That might as well have happened

I don't think the timeloop explains Bal's knowledge of Su's past, which is how she just tried to rationalize it ...that seems totally separate. What did he call himself? a parasite to their group

Zeno thought Su was someone else...Bal is a close relation of one of Zeno's friends...RRRRRRRRR

watching kam sweep linos with this interrogation is so bonkers!!! go girlboss go!!!!!

Even at a time like this, I appreciated Kam's apparent willingness to become a huge hypocrite on my behalf.

kamsu 💖sweep forever

Personal matter. I'd overlooked the significance of that phrase. When you set aside the rest, that made it sound like the reason he'd been swayed had been something private and embarrassing. What kind of 'projects' did people have that were personal and embarrassing, and involved much younger men? The only ideas which came to mind felt more like a product of me being a pervert than anything, even if Zeno had made insinuations during our conversation.

Plus, when I'd asked Zeno about Balthazar, he'd told me he was here as part of a favor to an old friend. That didn't connect with what Neferuaten had said at all - so was it just an outright lie?

I think Bal is related to Sami…I have this feeling…ok so Zeno, their sponsor, is a neuromancer right. That’s the closest modern day equivalent to Samium’s pneumancy…so they could’ve worked closely together. That doesn’t really explain the embarrassing personal project though…What did nef say again?

"Everyone was part of the plan from the start," Ezekiel insisted, ignoring Seth's anger. "Not just Theodoros, but Bardiya, too. That's why you saw his room in the state it was earlier in the night-- He'd been upset about the whole thing, and drunk himself half to death."

LIAR! BROTHER BARDI DOESN’T DRINK. IT’S IN HIS CULINARY NOTE! kicks him down the stairs

idk about this culprit theo theory kam. I’m at the point where I can buy him doing something for bard’s death but swaying everything??? no wayyyy he’s simply too obvies and sweaty about it. but i could listen to you play murder mystery chicken with su all day long so please keep going

"Fine," she replies, with a flat look. "I will concede we cannot completely rule out a nude suicide attack from Balthazar

this is my nomination for best line in the story so far. runner up is wheres the elevator

taking a shot every time utsushiko says “you’re just fucking guessing!!!!” and kam replies “but my dear sweet precious trembling submissive prey animal of a classmate it is SUSPICIOUS 🤨☝️” and you find me dead at the bottom of a stairwell

"I'll tell you what almost certainly happened," KAMRUSEPA continues. "When we met with Bardiya, his room was in a terrible state. It looked as though he'd been drinking, and though he did a good job carrying his regular dignity, he was most likely inebriated to some degree, leaving

RAHHHHHHHHHH kicks her down the same set of stairs that im dead at the bottom of but Ezekiel’s body is suspiciously absent

So Bardiya was like…in a fit? In a haze? Was there a struggle in his room???? Why?

Why do Kamsu not realize the world has come to a standstill to listen to them talk. My answer to that is: the unstoppable tide of yuri

SORRY BOYS, this is YURI WORLD now and we’re taking PTOLEMA HOSTAGE

"What of it? Life precludes everything! I won't apologize for wanting to live above all else!" She brushes her curly ginger hair from her face, her expression growing serious as she stares at UTSUSHIKOME. "I know you're the same as me at your core, Su. You think I can't see it? It's why we get along so well in the first place. You do a good job of acting like a person with normal ethics, and sometimes your neurosis keeps you from acting when you know you should. But deep down, you're someone who would do anything to attain your desires. You'd even betray the entire world."

The kamsu is actually making me go fucking crazy. This is insane. THIS IS INSANEEEEEEE. ILL DO WHAT YOU LACK THE COURAGE FOR FOR BOTH OF OUR SAKES!!!

Su voice: we get along?

𒊹𒊹𒊹utsushikome: But I guess it couldn't have happened any other way. Pieces move according to the rules of the game. I am who I am, and I can't be anything else. <;smiling bitterly>

SHE’S QUOTING RAANNNNNNNN

did they just say deliberate assimilation failure

"It's not self-indulgent!" Samium declared. His tone was defensive, but it was clear it wasn't for himself. At this point he was obviously upset, a subtle tremble in his tone. "It's for Wen's sake! To give her another chance in this world, even in spite of everything!"

The parallels to Kuroka and Utushikome. I’m seeing them. Also sam i am definitely fucked that old man

This was such a shit garbage world. To have let this happen to Kuroka and so many other children. 200 years of peace and prosperity? more like 200 years of. Not that

Maybe Kuroka’s love of horror is part of the reason why she feels this punishment was designed especially for her. It’s like it’s tailor made to watch her suffer.

This yaoi between Samium and Gpa is going somewhere I can’t follow. You’re discussing KILLING A CHILD???? and you have NO HANGUPS???? They’re insane

In the midst of this, someone manages to throw a grenade in the air; they must have been carrying it since the visit to the armory.

There is only one cunt I know of who was hyperfixated on the grenades and they r not alive rn

I stared down into my cup listlessly, my hands trembling slightly as conflicting strands of thought shot through my mind. I cleared my throat hoarsely, almost like I was choking.

"...t-they tricked me," I told her, my voice feeble.

She was just talking about how she usually exaggerated how badly people were treating her to make sure they got in trouble.

Why does she keep calling her old body defective? Is it because she didn’t get pre-natal distinction treatment? Is there a disability we haven’t seen?

SHE’S RETELLING THE DEMON STORY FROM THE CARRIAGE RIDE WITH RAN??????? FRIM HER SPELEOSOEDITCIE (<-PERSPECTIVE)? BARKS

Do you remember the acclimation journal that I keep? The day number I wrote in it was 4412. If you count backwards from the first day of the conclave,

babygirl i was not going to do that

When she thought we were researching Induction in mutual ignorance during those first weeks, scouring old books and the logic sea for information, I was just working up the courage to talk to Samium's contact. When I told her I discovered my original body was dead, that was no revelation at all; Samium had informed me in advance exactly what the process was going to entail and how it'd be disposed of, and I even lied to her about the details, saying that it had been physically discovered rather than the truth, which was that Samium took it somewhere far away from the city and discreetly disintegrated it.

…

It was because I wanted to employ her as a tool to soothe my guilt.

it has literally never been more over than it is right now

she took 12 years of ran’s life. ran didn’t want to go into medicine. if someone made me go into medicine what I’d do to them could not be publically shared on the internet

through all these insane revelations I have just one thing to say. I cannot fucking believe that Kam was right about Theo

diversity win! the girl whose life and body you just stole might be bi!

These last chapters have actually been giving me a headache. I feel violated. Kudos to the author!

God everything she did made sense and the way her mentality was described was so so so perfect. I can’t believe it took 127 chapters to realize just how much of an antihero she is. She really let us believe that most of her self loathing was just some kind of self flagellation, but she was right. She really is as wicked and pathetic and awful as she claims. But the world failed her so so so so so many times, and then once it finally granted her a miracle, she threw it away.

Kam getting a double kill in the span of 5 minutes is making mejdjrjrjsjjsjsjdjdjdjdhhfrbfjjf. thank you Lurina for granting us the COD lobby i so dearly wished for

Bal says he thought someone could be saved by love…Sami was trying to save Su’s grandpa by bringing Wen back…Their manner of speech is similar to someone we’ve heard speak several times in flashbacks now…I feel fucking stupid even suggesting it but could Bal and Samium be the same person? How would that even work because they’re both alive and existing in the same place at the same time?

It would be so delicious if Su was dying for this chance to speak to Samium this entire time and she did. Like 3 times. While he was reading magazines

Also they’re a thanatomancer like su…i feel like if he were a neuromancer I’d be bouncing off the walls with this theory right now but it’s just my brain trying to make connections rn

Samium’s zeal towards this wen mission made me wonder if his conviction went beyond old man yaoi to a personal goal, especially after his call with autonoe. But then he actually dropped it after gpa said not to go through with it so. I guess he really is just super gay?

What would happen to Su if you put her in the Apega(?) machine?. Would she just revert to a younger combo of Shiko&Kuroka, would she maybe revert to younger Shiko only…like, could that be the way to kill Kuroka and restore Shiko?

So Su is Utsushikome and Kuroka simultaneously. A fusion of them. And Su also looks exactly like Wen, someone dear to gdad from before the collapse. So Su is like. 4 different identities at the same time - kuro chan, utsu, su (amalgamation), wen

And ran was literally forced to go into medicine

Zeno asks Seth where the world is. Seth is confused. Zeno’s answer is essentially “what you make of it”/in your mind/yours to mold. The world is a copy of something long dead. The protag is a copy of someone long dead. The narrative’s actors’ fixation on immortality…accompanied in tandem with the obsession with things long dead…absolutely tubular

Anyway here are screencaps of the lines that made my brain melt:

[mysterycharacterflowers]

Round 1; A bouquet of white chrysanthemums, orchids and blue hydrangeas Vs Forget-me-nots

If you know who they are, or are pretty sure of it, please don't tell until this poll has ended!

First, let's talk about the bouquet of white chrysanthemums, orchids and blue hydrangeas

Meaning: White Chrysanthemums: represent grief and are a way to pay respects to the deceased, especially family. Orchids: represent strength and beauty in the face of adversity. They can symbolize his resilience and the beauty he brings to the lives of those around him. Irises: are a symbol of hope and wisdom. They can represent his ability to persevere and make wise decisions despite the difficulties he has faced. Blue Hydrangeas: can symbolize deep emotions and understanding. They can represent both the grief he feels due to losing his family and the understanding to push through regardless. Description: This is a young man who has faced a series of hardships in life, lacking guidance and living day-to-day without clear goals or ambitions. He has lost both his parents and his older sister in car accidents, leaving him with no immediate family except for his goddaughter. Despite not even having a girlfriend previously, he now has to adapt to caring for a baby without much, if any, support. It's heavy, but he carries it extremely well. He's a very loving person and has been a great father thus far, all things considered. He's hard working, compassionate, and above all else wants to do his family proud. He is so tired though. He doesn't find himself smiling often. Poor thing.

Check their post here

Now, let's talk about the Forget-me-nots

Meaning and why this flower was chosen: For one it's kind of an association thing; he's a very soft and gentle person, but also upbeat and dedicated to the people he cares about. He would also like the color and shape of the flowers, and he'd enjoy having a bunch around his living space just because they're pretty. Symbolism wise, too, he loves deeply and is loved deeply and is missed deeply. In a sense he's like a personification of the flowers, almost, but not quite. I just associate forget-me-nots with him a lot. Description: He's cheerful, excited to be alive, and loves the world deeply, always wanting to know more about it. He's very good at seeing the brighter side of things, and is endlessly encouraging and supportive, though not overbearing and pushy about things. He's also deeply curious, and will dedicate himself to learning more about what he's interested in at any given point, and he has many passions he's developed over the years besides his main one. He's almost kind of cheesy with how he expresses his affection because he's very genuine with it, but his loved ones know that about him and only love him all the more. Also he's agender. No gendered terms like 'brother' or 'boy' for him pls

Check their post here

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i stumbled across this writer self-love activity thing and it just caught my interest enough to consider which of the prompts i would associate with my fics that i’ve already written. it’s like a reverse prompt situation! and that sounds fun to me because it means you don’t actually have to write anything! so i’m doing it!

hug - lit my love and watched it burn (Succession, Roman/Gerri) - A goodbye. Set after 3.09.

crown - with grace in your heart (Merlin, Gwen/Morgana) - Morgana (nearly) dies.

repulsed - Settlingly Ever After (Or: Blame Brendan Fraser For Inconvenient Soulmatehood) (30 Rock, Liz/Wesley Snipes) - In which a Saturday night showing of Furry Vengeance brings Liz and Wesley together, and they kinda just keep being brought together. Over, and over, and over ...

blood - Are You There, God? It’s Me, Edward (Twilight, the dumbest thing I have ever written) - In which it is a certain time of the month for Bella, and even Edward Cullen has trouble being a gentleman sometimes.

flower - to see you in the morning light (Broadchurch, Alec/Ellie) - In which Hardy and Miller wake up in bed together, and the customary bickering ensues.

clothing - i love all the many charms about you (Gilmore Girls, Luke/Lorelai) - Rune is back in town, and judging Lorelai hard for her apparent singledom. Enter Luke Danes: fake boyfriend. (Set during season 3.)

god - how to grow a woman from the ground (Dollhouse, Topher/Claire) - It's one thing to whip 'em up and send 'em out on their merry way. It's another thing to have them right here, like, all the time.

dance - building our kingdom (Ideal Home) - Bill's surprising new interest in home cooking persists. Paul and Erasmus finally find out why.

music - Breaking & Entering: (The Start of) A Love Story (Modern Family, Mitchell/Cam) - "Oh my God," Mitchell says, "this is insane." It is, for the record. It is actually ... insane.

magic - Teenage ... Dream? (Once Upon A Time, Emma/Regina) - Marian’s return means splitsville for Regina and Robin, and Emma is determined to cheer Regina up—even if it means working a little magic. But when she accidentally awakens Regina’s inner teenager, life gets weird. Well. Weirder than usual.

kiss - i’d like for you and i to go romancing (Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale) - In which people keep mistaking Crowley and Aziraphale for a couple, and Aziraphale starts to wonder if there might be something to it.

ending - darkness bright (Killing Eve, Eve/Villanelle) - Waking up. Set after 4.08.

[kommetz]

I wonder why I thought to ask everyone for advice about asking her out. I think lately I’m not holding in my feelings as much anymore.

also i will die if i don’t talk about flower symbolism so…

(sorry about the red video bar i am Bad with computers)

Red roses - love

Specifically, red roses symbolize romantic love. From day one, Tsubomi has been the apple of his eye. She’s the catalyst for Mob’s grow and is (plot-wise) considered the “end game” of his character development.

Pink tulips - love, affection, good wishes

Unlike red, which is reserved for romantic love, pink flowers can symbolize love for friends and family as well as romantic partners. Although they’re a little more ambiguous, they represent positive feelings like joy and affection towards others.

As a side note, yellow tulips in particular are symbols of friendships so think if that what you will.

White lilies - purity, innocence, rebirth

White lilies are one of the most popular funeral flowers. In general, white flowers often have connotations of purity or innocence. Mob’s desire to confess to Tsubomi has been a strong motivating factor in his youth. This event symbolizes the “death” of Mob’s innocence, though this isn’t necessarily a bad thing (though all things considered the short term ramifications aren’t exactly great). For something to go through a rebirth, it must first die. This marks an end to one chapter in Mob’s life and opens another.

Marigolds* - strength, jealousy

A flower with very opposite meanings! Considering that this is both a display of Mob’s power (his strength) and his hatred of it/his jealousy of people without psychic powers, both meanings can apply here.

Buttercups - happiness, youth

Buttercups are associated with children and their youthful joy. Similar to innocence with the lilies, this is a sign of Mob’s development throughout the story. Through blood, sweat, tears, and emotional turmoil, he’s grown up. That’s the very core of the story: growing and learning how to become a more whole person through both the people around you and your own willpower.

Buttercups are also poisonous, although their symbolic meanings are pretty much all positive. Mob earns the nickname “White T-Shirt Poison,” which I seriously doubt has an actual connection, but is a fun coincidence.

Sunflowers - happiness, loyalty, admiration, honesty/truth

[ Spoiler warning for anime-onlys. This will probably come up in the anime in a few days tbh, but just in case. ]

It’s right in the name with sunflowers. They turn their faces to sun, which is the root of many of its symbolic meanings. In one way, this is comparable to always looking on the bright-side or being optimistic/happy. Another interpretation is looking to the light in the same way you “shed light” on something. They open their eyes, turn away from the dark shadow of denial and instead face the painfully bright truth.

In the manga, after Mob’s explosion and the appearance of ???%, the sunflower in the bouquet becomes a reoccurring focal point during each confrontation between Mob and the people he’s met on his journey. On the left, Teru bares his gratitude and admiration for what Mob has taught him. In the middle, Ritsu admits that he’s always been scared of his brother’s power and that it’s taken him until now to let go of that fear. Each time Mob insists that “this isn’t him,” that he wants to stop, that this power of his is a separate entity. He can’t accept himself.

On the left, Reigen finally tells Mob the truth about not being an actual psychic. However, instead of being apart of the confrontation, we get this panel:

The bouquet rips apart, his childhood and innocence flying away in the wind. All that is left is a single sunflower:

He is ???%. ???% is him.

He accepts himself, his truth.

* i’m not 100% sure, but the small orange flowers look like marigolds to me. i also considered begonias and chrysanthemums, but ultimately thought marigolds fit the best.

[irismfrost]

August 2 - National Science and Technology Museum and Meinong District (Hakka)

I think I need to find a new breakfast spot. The hotel breakfast just isn't doing it for me. I just cannot eat another serving of rice and I cannot keep eating fries and ketchup. These hotels think that Americans eat fries and onion rings for breakfast and it's a little strange but alsooooo I have been eating them so it's understandable. I ate a banana and dry cereal today and I don't even like bananas. Tomorrow I am planning on waking up early so that I can venture out and find somewhere local.

Our first stop today was the National Science and Technology Museum (NSTM). It was pretty cool to see all the different innovations that Taiwan is involved with. There were a lot of interactive pieces and it was fun to click all the buttons. There was a health section with a chess board and you were supposed to step on different tiles and it would prompt you to explore your feelings. I don't think all of the sensors worked but it was still fun to jump around. The cafe on the second floor was huge and had more relics, mostly radio and showed the progression of music stuff. I bought some little trinkets at the gift shop and i spent over 600NTD (but one item was buy 2 get 1 free so I had to participate in that promotion) so I got to pick two random squares. You push through the paper on the square and there are little tiles with some words on them. The words say little items so I got a free mask and Lego batman. That was a nice surprise.

I saw a COSTCO!!!

Out next stop was Din Tai Fung, a very famous restaurant in Taiwan known for its service. There is actually one in New York. They came out with a bunch of appetizers and some dumplings and soup and fried rice and finished off with these little dumplings filled with chocolate sauce. It's all good I've never had before and it was pretty good. The dumplings were different flavors, but I didn't taste much difference. They were so small and they only give you one :(

Our last stop was the town of Meinong in the Cishan District. Most of this town is inhabited by Hakka people. The Hakka are originally from the northern part of China and invaded the southern part of China a couple times and eventually came to Taiwan and settled in the mountainous regions. They are known for their traditional oil-paper umbrellas, rice cakes, tobacco production. They have preserved their culture very well and most of the population still speaks Hakka. There are also many different accents across the entire country. We stopped by these little shops in the middle of nowhere where and I bought an umbrella. It was only the small version because I forgot most of my cash at the hotel but it is still super cute and the calligraphy roughly translates to the saying "April flowers bring May showers". Then we went to the museum about the Hakka people.

Reflection

I didn't realize how involved Taiwan was in global innovation. It's interesting that they just sort of choose an industry and don't give up on it no matter how profitable it is in the beginning. They have been producing things like bikes, motor vehicles, textiles, petrochemicals and associated goods, computers, microchips, semiconductors, food additives, food production (especially rice and fruits) and really just a little bit of everything. Apple brought a lot of business to Taiwan when they moved most of their manufacturing over here. The semiconductor and AI industries are also huge here and only continue to get bigger as they become more important.

Learning about the Hakka people was also interesting. I didn't realize how many different groups live in Taiwan. So many different types of people have immigrated here over the years. The name "Hakka" means "guest families" and they are called this because they don't really have a dedicated home. They are historically nomadic (from the northern part of today's China) and consider themselves guests both along the Yangtze river in China (the southern parts they ended up inhabiting) and Taiwan and I think that's why they've done such a great job preserving their culture. Another interesting thing about the Hakka is the difference in the women's roles. In traditional Chinese culture, high status women used to bind their feet. This practice involved breaking bones in the feet from a very young age and showed that the women were of such high status that they didn't need to work. The Hakka people on the other hand, value education and work; Hakka women would be working in the fields, doing chores, and raising the children, among other things. It's impressive that they were able to maintain their widely different culture and language in a country that became dominated by colonial influences.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMFAO THE “what a weird ass dream” start has me REELING like oh honey you’re in for a rude awakening (literally)

Ok I paused to type that ^ and was gonna keep commenting in my notes as I went as if I were annotating but then I got too engrossed and forgot LMAOAO but anyways

STOPPPP KARASU??? SHDKSHSJS I will not swerve iwillnotswerve….but gardener Karasu AHHHDGHS it’s just giving more sweetheart humble Karasu I can’t

Ok pause SHSH the way you write Otoya is so?? >>>>>>> like ok I’m back on track now I want this Otoya LMAOAOA he’s like the perfect balance between go with the flow do what I want chill Otoya and deadly assassin ninja Otoya also that deal they made>>>>>> I’m seriously waiting for Y/n to succeed

Hiiragis also such an ass I love it because it also kinda reminds me of him in canon?? But I also never was really partial to him in the manga either so I love seeing him full villain here, also the constant distinction between Y/N being like her own (?) vs associated as. Hiiragi is something I really enjoy!! Idk I just kinda love the set up like we KNOW this mc is gonna be different and a lot more selfish and independent?? Like the constant distinction in identity is so satisfying to read for some reason like it’s refreshing to see y/n not try to reclaim the name

But yeah omg otoya <333 I mean I was already an otoya fan before hollyhock but this just opened my eyes to another Otoya Avenue and I LOVE IT can’t wait for the next installment…(also just out of curiosity how many installments do you think this’ll end up being? Very excited hehe)

Eita nation has been fed thank you for the feast

-Karasu anon

LMAOO i felt like it made sense that she wouldn’t believe what had happened considering she’s prone to nightmares and the entire situation is kinda crazy 😭 like yukimiya secretly betraying her family and otoya almost killing her…i wouldn’t want to believe it either 😔💔

HAHAHA omg well i’m glad you were engrossed in it at least 🤩🙏🏻

DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M SAYING ABT THEM LOWKEY HAVING A MEETCUTE like him waking her up while she’s sleeping on the bench swing in the garden surrounded by trees and flowers is so romance novel shoujo anime coded to me 😩 unfortunately y/n ruins it by being all “i can’t trust you 😐” and “you have a stupid name 😨” and “my half brother and father would kill you if they saw what you’re up to 🫣” LMAOOO poor karasu 😓 i’m excited to write more of their interactions though!!

AHHH YESSS i’ve been doing my best to incorporate his more chill go w the flow canon personality into his role as a ninja who kills whoever he’s told to!! it’s def a balance because if he’s too unserious then it’s almost disingenuous to the story itself but if he’s too proper and grave abt things he doesn’t feel like himself anymore?? idk but omg the deal…i’m so excited to write how it all plays out HAHAHA it’s going to be super fun i think!!

hiiragi is so horrible in this story but considering he was already kind of a douche in canon i don’t think it’s too terrible that i’m writing him like this!! i agree that he’s not one i cared much for in the manga either (he only even appears in epinagi for the most part and he’s antagonizing my man the whole time so we’re automatically enemies for that) so i don’t mind writing him in full villain mode here!! and yeah for y/n the name hiiragi has only ever been used to hurt her so even though she acknowledges that they’re her family and she’ll do her best to look out for them she’s also hyper aware that she’s different and her own person. her relationship to the hiiragi clan will evolve as the story goes on and her character develops and i think it’ll be interesting to watch how much things change from the beginning of the story to the end

HOLLYHOCK OTOYA MY BELOVED 💖💖💖 he and y/n are truly meant for each other…mr “your life is a game to me” and miss “i want you to belong to me” UM?? i almost considered going back and adding the toxic relationships tag but honestly the relationship itself isn’t even that toxic (if you can set aside all the murdering and death threats) it’s just between two very questionable individuals 😭 somehow it makes it much more fun to write than if they were perfect and normal though?? and honestly makes otoya more appealing to me LMAOAOA

hmm i’m not quite sure how many chapters it’s going to be but definitely a lot!! i’d be surprised if it was less than ten although ig it just depends on how long certain things take me to write 🤔 but i def anticipate it being on the longer side HAHA idk if it’ll quite get the opportunity to join the 100k+ club as many of my other fics have but for sure it’s going to be quite a lot…we’re still in the setup phase/prologue arc almost atm?? like these are relatively small-scale conflicts compared to what goes on later in the story so i don’t see it being less than 30-40k words (although again yk how accurate my predictions usually end up being — aka not very 😟)

[gie-gie-gie-gie]

little women, ep. 1

When I first watched the trailer for Little Women, I was intrigued by the premise of struggling sisters navigating the mystery around a huge amount of money, and how it changes the lives of these three “little women” in the midst of big people with power, connections, and wealth. It’s not entirely a new concept, but I am such a sucker for kdrama sister portrayals that this was a no-brainer addition to my to watch list.

Sure, one can first get caught with matching the characters and scenarios with the Louisa May Alcott source material (who’s the Jo? the Amy? the Meg? the Laurie? etc.), but by the second half of the first episode, you get the sense of considering the story on its own.

And it’s good. It’s so good! I don’t expect myself to be able to sustain an entire series review, but I’d like to be able to take notes along the way. It feels like it’s going to be a great watch ahead, and I just want to make something out of my excitement. That said, be warned that the series in itself has a lot of violence, which might come up in these recaps, hence the tw tag.

We begin with our three sisters: the Meg, the Jo, and the Amy. Poor Beth, no counterpart in here. Or maybe there’s more we don’t know, because mysterious baby picture, anyone?

Among everyone, it’s Kim Go-eun that I was really looking forward to the most. I have never watched her past dramas, but I’ve been itching to see any of her work, and I felt that this role might just be too good to pass. I love the seeming naïveté of her Meg, whose Cinderella fantasies of getting married and being whisked away from poverty translates fittingly into our series’ Oh In-joo, dowdy green vest and tacky tulle skirt included. At home with her sisters, though, she can be straightforward and determined behind the smiley and meek behavior she shows outside.

When she cried upon seeing the contents of the duffel bag her friend, Jin Hwa-young (played by Choo Ja-hyun), left her, I felt as if we were witnessing only the initial unraveling of her character.

Nam Ji-hyun as Oh In-kyung is also riveting. This is my third Nam Ji-hyun drama and the other two had her as the childhood-friend-and-fated-endgame of a wealthy amnesiac. Here In-kyung is barefaced, buttoned up, but not quite sober. She’s an investigative reporter with a deep empathy for people, and a righteous understanding of the pitfalls of wealth.

I loved her scene with Great Aunt Oh. They’re just having breakfast and talking, but the way this was set up made me wonder if we’re supposed to look at how In-kyung was influenced by her aunt despite not having had the warmest upbringing.

Great Aunt also meddles in her love life, and we see the Laurie for this series, too. It’s Kang Hoon as Ha Jong-ho. When they met each other under aunt’s ruse of bringing a mistakenly delivered package, we understand that there’s history between them. In-kyung is at the tail of a highly tense investigation, and we can wonder how this might affect their relationship as the series moves forward.

I don’t have much to say about Park Ji-hu’s Oh In-hye just yet, except that I can certainly understand her wanting to make her own money after seeing her sisters toil to provide for their family. She’s ambitious and gritty and I cannot help but wonder where the story will take her character, especially with her association with who seems to be Park Jae-sang’s wife and daughter.

Wi Ha-joon is another actor I was excited to see in this series. I thought his character in Romance is a Bonus Book was compelling enough. His role as Cho Do-il is obviously different so I also cannot wait to find out more about him.

It seems orchids is a recurring motif in this show. From trying to google ‘princess of thieves orchid’, I saw some twitter threads on the repeating symbolism of this flower on the show. Since I’m behind watching, I didn’t read too far and suspended spoilers. Anyway… too many orchids. From the orchids in the office in the 14th floor to…

the blue orchid tattoo…

the wallpaper in Hwa-young’s apartment (excellent mirror-threshold blocking, by the way)…

a blue orchid beside her fishtank…

and a blue orchid brooch on the suit of Park Jae-sang (played by Um Ki-joon). Yikes… Personally, I think orchids are also an appropriate motif in a tight environment of power and wealth. Orchids are expensive and requires a lot of precise care.

I cannot wait for the sisters to tie up the associations together. The context surrounding Hwa-young’s death becomes even more sinister in light of In-kyung’s investigation on the four money-related suicides from the Bobae Savings Bank Case.

Finally, what will In-joo do with the money that landed on her via yoga locker? Director Shin Hyeon-Min is after the slush fund, and it seems In-joo is in it now, too. Not to mention, she signed an account opening form for Hwa-young, so it seems like the money in the bag is not all there is to it.

[isoldmysoultojonahclemence]

[Army Version] Ikerev Name Analysis!

Lancelot Kingsley: 

The name Lancelot means “servant.”

OK so at first I was really confused because he’s the King of Hearts, which is pretty much the farthest thing from a servant. But then I realized that it could be alluding to how he was forced to work for Amon for so many years. 

Or this could also be a reference to the Arthurian legends, in which Sir Lancelot was said to be the greatest of the Knights of the Round Table.

The surname Kingsley means “a king’s meadow.”

Given that the entire Kingsley line are Kings, this is a very fitting name for them. Also Kingsley is similar to the word kingly, which definitely describes Lancelot. 

Jonah Clemence: 

The name Jonah means “dove/pigeon.”

The two birds are often seen as symbols of peace. They’re also often seen as messengers.

I wouldn’t necessarily associate Jonah with peace, since he’s kinda rash and very quick to anger.

But something else worth acknowledging was that his little brother ended up joining the Black Army, and the symbol of the Black Army is a raven. Doves and ravens are usually considered opposites, which could stand for how the brothers ended up on opposite sides.

The surname Clemence means “merciful.”

It seems a bit ironic to me, since the Queens of Hearts aren’t really known for their forgiveness (the original Queen chopped off people’s heads without listening to their reasons and Jonah literally held a grudge against Sirius for 14 years and counting). 

Edgar Bright:

The name Edgar means “rich/prosperous” and “spear.”

Maybe the “rich/prosperous” part is about the Bright family wealth? They’re the third most important family in the Red Territory, so you’d think they’d be pretty rich. And then they’ve also assassinated people for profit before as well.

And the spear is a weapon, so it probably points toward how Edgar was weaponized to be the perfect assassin. 

The surname Bright means “bright” (obviously).

I thought it was kinda ironic, just like Clemence, because obviously the duty of the Jack of Hearts is anything but bright. 

Zero: 

The name Zero means “void.”

I know that this was just the number he was given to differentiate him from the rest of the human experiments.

But I still thought that “void” kinda describes Zero around the time he just left the Magic Tower, because he doesn’t have anywhere to go anymore. And even when he joined the Red Army, there’s still soldiers who disrespects him because he wasn’t from the crimson lineage.

Kyle Ash:

The name Kyle means “narrow; strait.”

A strait, in case you didn’t know, is a narrow passage body of water connecting two other, larger bodies of water.

I interpreted Kyle as the strait and the Red and Black Armies as the two larger bodies. Since he’s a doctor and his primary goal is to save lives, he can act as a sort of connector between the two territories. 

The surname Ash means “ash tree.”

Ash trees are said to have protective and healing properties, which makes sense since the Ash family are all doctors.

Ray Blackwell:

The name Ray means either “king” or “counsel.”

The “king” part is obvious, given that he’s the King of Spades.

And the word “counsel” can refer to how wise he is. He’s able to give good advice to people and run an entire Army at just 24 years old. 

Or, the “counsel” part could also refer to how the rest of his Army supports him. Fenrir is his best buddy who would absolutely die for him, Sirius is always ready with some sort of strategy, Luka is practicing with his massive sword, and Seth is insanely strong. I personally believe that Ray wouldn’t be such an excellent King without their support, and he also acknowledges it himself.

The surname Blackwell means literally “a black well.”

The “black” part probably refers to the Black Territory, which he is the King of. I have no idea what the “well” part could refer to, though. Maybe it just sounds really cool?

Sirius Oswald:

The name Sirius means “burning/glowing.”

The “burning/glowing” part could refer to the person he is deep down inside, as opposed to the cool and mature exterior he usually tries to upkeep.

Also, his family owns a flower shop called “Canis Major” and his siblings are named Furud/Zeta, Wezen, Mirzam, and Aludra, which are all stars in the constellation of the Canis Major.

Given that he’s the oldest in his family (and also bc he’s a suitor), it makes sense that he would be named after the brightest star in the sky.

The surname Oswald means “god” and “power.”

These are both extremely powerful words, so it’s probably to be expected that he would canonically be the strongest suitor in terms of fighting ability.

Luka Clemence:

The name Luka means “bringer of light.”

Honestly I squealed when I saw the definition for this name bc it fits Luka so much! He brings light into everyone’s lives, but he just doesn’t realize it himself.

Also the Clemence bros both seem to have names related to heaven? Luka literally means bringer of light and doves are pretty much the symbol of heaven as well.

I’ve already talked about the surname “Clemence” in the Jonah section, so I won’t put it here again!

Fenrir Godspeed:

The name Fenrir means “fen-dweller.”

A fen, if you didn’t know, is a “low and marshy or frequently flooded area of land” (thanks Google!) I can’t really fathom why Fenrir is named after that, so perhaps a more accurate interpretation is that his name is also connected to Fenrir the Wolf, from Norse mythology, who’s supposed to eat the Sun and Odin when Ragnarok rolls around.

Basically, Fenrir the Wolf is incredibly strong and chaotic, and both of those qualities also belong to Fenrir the human!

(also this means he’s the son of loki now lmao)

The surname Godspeed means “good wishes, specifically to someone who is beginning a journey.”

If I remember correctly, one of the two keywords describing Fenrir is “lucky star” or something along those lines. So a word meaning wishing someone good luck before starting a journey fits perfectly with Fenrir’s luckiness trait.

Seth Hyde: 

The name Seth means “appointed.”

If you think about how the Magic Tower purposefully stationed him in the Black Army, then the whole “appointed” thing makes sense.

Also, this could refer to Set, the Egyptian god, who is known as the god of chaos, and he’s commonly associated with evilness. I guess that Seth’s connection to the Magic Tower and all the “work” he has done for them makes him “evil” as well, so maybe the game creators decided to name him after Set to hint at his true associations.

The surname Hyde means “someone living on a hide (which is a type of measurement) of land.”

As with Fenrir’s name from above, this doesn’t really make any sense, so I interpreted this name as originating from “Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” instead. So, if you didn’t know, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are different egos in the same person, and Mr. Hyde is supposed to be the “evil” one.

(Cybird’s really playing it up with the “evil” theme in Seth’s name geez...)

I suppose this can point towards how Seth is a different person inside than what he’s like on the outside. The “outside Seth,” who is outgoing and friendly, corresponds with the good-natured Dr. Jekyll, while the “inside Seth,” who is cunning and devious, corresponds with the ruthlessness of Mr. Hyde.

Part 2 here.