#consider donating to me so i can buy things i want and feel good about myself thanks

[icyg4l]

PAC: How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Mother Figure

Hello beautiful people. Today is Mother’s Day and I want to wish all of the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day. Whether your mother is alive, dead or far away, I want to dedicate this reading to those who wish to have better relationships with their mothers. You don’t have to have a strained relationship with your mother to relate to this topic. You could simply just want to keep the bond that you have already. And lastly, I want to dedicate this Mother’s Day to the mothers in Haiti, Congo, Palestine, Sudan, Tigray and unfortunately many more. If you have any crowdfunding links that need to be boosted/donated to regarding mothers/families in these countries, please do not hesitate to direct me to them. Without further ado, please select the photo that resonates with you.

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (Pile 1-6)

Pile One: I feel like this pile has a close relationship with their mother overall. You seem to be at peace with where you are with her, but things could get even better. I feel like something that could help you and your mother get along even more is helping her around the house. She likes for the floors to be swept and mopped, towels to be folded, dishes to be washed. Your mother may be a neat freak but it’s nothing that can’t be taken care of. I also feel like buying your mother things that she would use on a daily basis could be something that improves your relationship. For example, if your mother really likes makeup, get her a lip gloss set. If she likes flowers, buy her a vase and some flowers so that she can smell the roses. It’s the thought that counts. And lastly, I feel like making your mom look good is going to improve your relationship. Not only does being a good representation of her name make her look good, but actually adding onto her beauty will strengthen your relationship. If you’re into makeup, do your mom’s makeup. If you’re into hair, do her hair. If she wants a new pair of shoes, get her that pair of shoes. This is only if you’re able to though. Don’t break the bank trying to please your mama. 

If your mother is not here on this Earth, then please go all out with her grave. She wants you to decorate her grave/headstone with flowers. Clean the headstone. Wear her necklaces, bracelets and adornments. She wants you to talk about her highly. She wants you to not forget where you came from. You are wise and positive, so please continue to do what you do. Just because she is gone does not mean anything should change. She wants you to listen to your gut. If you have a little sibling, please don’t let them do anything stupid even though they can be prideful. I feel like she’s very big on morals and discipline so don’t think she isn’t clocking you from the afterlife because she is. Lastly, please speak of yourself highly. You have half of her genes and she does not appreciate it when you disrespect the physical features that you two share. Have some respect for those who have come before you. 

Cards Used: Queen of Cups, Justice, The Star, 6 of Wands, The Magician, Ace of Discs.

extras: joanne the scammer. 2016 era of youtube. mother-daughter days. only child. donuts.

Pile Two: I feel like you all have a tumultuous relationship with your mother. It feels like you’re a rebel and you do not like to follow the rules. You and your mother could never see eye-to-eye once you turned a certain age. Perhaps, it was around age 12? I feel like you and your mother need to consider counseling. It would help a lot to have a mediator with the two of you. This energy is like an episode of Maury or Steve Wilkos. I think that you may be LGBTQ+ as well. Your mother may not completely accept this part of you. Now usually, I am against the whole “They’re from a different time stance” but your mom feels out of reach to you. I am literally seeing two people on opposite sides of a grassy land. One person is reaching for the other but the other person is minding their business. She wants to understand you but her bossiness can get in the way. I say to just be patient with her. I feel like one thing that you can do is invite her to a place that you frequent often for fun just so she can get a taste of what you do everyday. I am channeling this movie called ‘The Aggressives’. One of the mascs’ mother was so convinced that she would end up with a man but that obviously wasn’t the case. By the end, she just ended up accepting her daughter for who she is. You two are definitely on opposite sides of the spectrum. I feel like another thing that you could do is play video games with her, which is weird? This can help build teamwork amongst you two, thus forming a better bond in the end. 

If your mother is deceased, I feel like you should be taking more risks. Stop giving a fuck about the rules and just live your life. There is nothing wrong with changing up your routine. Your mother could have been a rebel or even someone who led a revolution. Your mother wants you to walk away from what you once knew. Deep inside, you are someone who is capable of making great changes just as she did. I feel like your mother just wants you to embrace the inner youth inside of you. You’re too rigid. It’s affecting the way that you live. You have too much couth. It’s okay to play and let loose a little bit. She will still love you just the same as she did when she was alive if you change. Overall, embrace change babe! Dye your hair a different color. Take a spontaneous trip. Go to that concert. Please just do something! Get out of freeze mode!

Cards Used: The Fool, 6 of Swords, The Hermit (RX), 5 of Swords, Queen of Swords, 7 of Discs, Wheel of Fortune, The Hierophant (RX).

extras:  minor headaches. igor (2019). odd future fan. beast. the bear (2022). absent father.

Pile Three: I feel like you have this certain image of your mother in your head. You think that she is perfect but she is not, my dear. There are certain things that she has been through/experienced that she hasn’t even told you about. You do not know her the way you think you do. She has stories for days. She is not an angel. I feel like you need to get to know your mother. She is an interesting character. Ask her about her life story. Ask her about the experiences that have shaped her into the woman that she is today. You need to take her off of the pedestal that you have put her on. Take a step into reality, boo. I think that doing stuff like going out by the water or going fishing will help you guys bond to understand each other better. Yes, she used to change your diapers but if someone walked up to you and asked what your mother figure’s favorite color was, would you be able to answer it? It’s time to change that. I feel like traveling with your mother, whether it’s a road trip or by plane will help as well. I am channeling the movie Tammy (2014) with Melissa McCarthy. I recommend you watch this movie. Don’t underestimate your mother anymore!

If your mother is deceased, I feel like she wants you to know that she looks back on memories between the two of you fondly. I think she may have passed when you were too young to remember or it was before you hit puberty. You should ask the people who knew her best about what she was like, how she felt about motherhood, how she felt about you, etc. She does not regret anything in her lifetime. That says a lot about how she lived her life. If you have access to these, find any diaries, photos, old clothes, etc and put them in a place where no one can find them. If you find some old clothes, wear them and don’t let anyone else do that. Your mother wants you to be on the straight and narrow path though. Even though you may not know her like the back of your hand, she’s been watching you grow into the person that you are today from a place that you cannot see. But she will not judge if you stray away from this path, she understands what it’s like to be young and dumb. Overall, your mother just wants what is best for you.

Cards Used: 6 of Swords, Temperance, 3 of Wands, 7 of Swords (RX), King of Cups.

extras: beaver. morehouse college. air out your grievances. gummy bear song. sepia filter.

Pile Four: Stop hanging out with your significant other so much! You need to learn how to balance between familial obligations and romantic obligations. I feel like this is really the only thing that is getting in between you and your mother’s relationship. I feel like this pile listens to Jhene Aiko a lot. I am channeling Never Call Me. I think your mom would show up to your s/o’s house unannounced with a bunch of people behind her if you don’t keep in contact with her regularly. She does not play about you at all. It’s not really an overbearing thing. I think she just doesn’t want you to go down the path that she went down with your father. So speak up or face the consequences, love. I also think that you should hear her out when it comes to certain advice especially if it has something to do with a car. Maybe you let your s/o borrow your car too much or you let your car battery almost die or something? In this case, mother knows best. She’s not a chip on your shoulder. Just listen!

If your mother is deceased, I feel like she may have died around the same time as your father figure. She also could have died at the same time as your father figure. Your father could have been the reason she died. She wants you to be independent. Learn how to change your own tires. Take up some gym classes/self-defense classes. Don’t be willfully clueless. She also wants you to not be anyone’s ride or die. This may be the reason why she passed away. I feel like you’ve heard countless versions of how your mother chose to live her life, it isn’t completely true. Don’t believe the hype. One day, you will come across the full story. Definitely be single until you are ready to marry. Your mother could have been rushed to marry. She does not want to see you get taken advantage of like she was. Don’t hesitate to dedicate an altar to her. She wants to talk to you. She may have even popped up in your dreams before. 

Cards Used: 6 of Discs (RX), Ace of Swords, 2 of Wands, The High Priestess, The Devil, Two of Cups, Queen of Wands.

extras: gang culture. setup. grooming. pirates. shoddy apartment. purple bandana.

Pile Five: Have you ever considered getting plastic surgery so that you would look different from your mother? I am specifically getting an eyelift, nose job, butt implants, etc. I am channeling the energy of Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni. I think that you and your mom have a toxic relationship. One day you’re good. The next day you’re fighting to be heard by her. You two could have physically fought before. What I am hearing is “Everyone has a story”. I feel like your guides want you to take into consideration her backstory. Get a little psychological here. Why does she act the way that she acts? Was she abandoned as a child? How does this play into how she treats you now? I am seeing a therapist writing in their notebook as we speak. I feel like she operates out of a lack mindset and you have outgrown that. I think that there was some type of falling out between her and your father figure. Maybe she was the side chick? Maybe she was taken advantage of at a young age? Maybe it was both. Honestly, this pile is very different from the others. You are being asked to pour into yourself. You need to put your foot down and let her know that you will be choosing the higher road. She will respect you more if you do that. I also think that you just simply need to start taking more time for yourself. You do not exist to be your mother’s punching bag. You are a human being. This pile is very different. You need to protect your peace babe.

If your mother is deceased, I feel like you guys could have argued before she died. I think that she was warning you about a particular behavior. Maybe she was telling you not to follow in your father’s footsteps and you chose not to listen. Maybe you snuck off somewhere you weren’t supposed to? Your mother did not want to control you. She just had some feelings about the choices you were making. But you make the bed that you lay in so there’s nothing that she could have done about it. I feel like you need to forgive yourself. Free yourself of the burden of your mother’s death. You cannot control fate. You need to learn how to accept certain circumstances for what they are. You can change the present moment and make things right today! It’s all about what you choose to do. No matter what though, your mother still has love for you. She forgave you a long time ago, almost as soon as she transitioned. It’s time for you to make peace with yourself, love. Take control of your future and accountability for your actions (or lack thereof). 

Cards Used: The Emperor, 9 of Cups, Prince of Discs, The Moon, 5 of Wands, Ace of Cups, 7 of Swords, Judgment, The High Priestess. 

extras:  living vicariously. narcissist. getting high. sobbing uncontrollably. asthma attack. ambush.

Pile Six: You are not a child anymore, Pile Six. Your mother is willing to talk to you about uncomfortable topics now. You’re an adult. Treat yourself as such. I think that drinking wine with your mother and having a conversation will help you guys get along better. Day drinking, wine tasting, etc will help you guys bond in a more mature way. I feel like you and your mom could be friends if you were not mother and child. You have to see the world through an adult’s eyes now. I feel like gossiping with your mom can be beneficial for your relationship, especially if it’s about old family tea. You can be in the know now, lol. I also think that paying for dinner/lunch could be a great way to prove your maturity. Honestly, your mom just wants you to grow up. You’re there but not quite. Be the butterfly that you’re meant to be. Lowkey, you might want to start saving to move out. She’s not going to kick you out or anything but you’re going to start feeling differently about the environment that you’re in. 

If your mother is deceased, please keep her updated on the latest family/friend drama lol. I feel like your mother may have had a boyfriend before she passed. I don’t know if he moved on or not but she approves of the lady he’s with now. Your mother could have had problems with conceiving/conceived at a young age. This plays into why she treated you like gold. You guys could have acted more like siblings rather than mother and child. It’s also possible that your mother could have passed at a young age (you could actually be older than your mother right now). Whatever the case may be, I feel like she wants you to finish the path that she was set to be on. Continue to honor her legacy. She could have been on the way to pursuing a degree, you should do the same but actually complete the journey. I am channeling the energy of Whitney Houston. Your mother is very animated to be honest. She wants you to embrace that energy/side of yourself. It’s in you, lol. And lastly, don’t try to hide being your mother’s child. You don’t have to be exactly like her but you are her partially. You are your own person but you just so happen to take after her mannerisms, looks, etc lol. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t fight it. 

Cards Used: Queen of Discs, The Sun, 6 of Cups (RX), Princess of Discs (RX), 3 of Cups, The Lovers.

extras:  esperanza/hope. j. cole. popeye spinach. t-boz. slow jamz. 2004-2005. senior in college.

[fly-sky-high-bug-games]

Final Stock on these wallpapers to help a Palestinian family!

EDITED: Please read the UPDATE bellow!

After GFM majorly screwed them over, I want to try help Iyad's family get back on track now that they have a paypal to rely on! You can read about details HERE and HERE, as well as about the dono commissions done by @heliopixels who has been in direct contact with Iyad's family.

Saying their their situation is URGENT is an understatement considering how terrible the things have gotten so here's what I'm gonna try and do:

-I am tossing these simple wallpapers out and I want their full stock gone for good, I will not be putting them back in the shop after this! You can buy them from 2-3$+ up to "pay what you want" option.

-Every 20-30$+ collected (since I'm worried spamming every donation might cause issues with PP), I will screenshot the donation sent to Iyad's family's PP and post it the reblog of this post on a separate post HERE so you can check dono updates on it

NOTE: I have never done this before and if you are uncertain about these steps, I am open to suggestions on how I can easily prove that every $ from a bought wallpaper is going directly to them. Feel free to DM me suggestions!

-The other option is that you can buy them for as little as the 2-3$ that they cost (which I will still donate) and just donate to their PP directly yourselves!

UPDATE: IMPORTANT! Because Paypal and ko-fi do take fees from me depending on how much it's sent I am proposing additional option: -SEND THE DONATION WITHIN THE WALLPAPER PRICE OR MORE DIRECTLY TO THEIR PAYPAL, THEN SEND ME A DM WITH A SCREENSHOT PROOF THAT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS

I WILL THEN SEND YOU A FULL WALLPAPER PIECE THAT YOU WANTED TO PAY FOR VIA THE E-MAIL YOU PROVIDE ME!

I apologize for not foreseeing this ahead, I am so used to getting these fees I completely forgot about them...

You are still willing to purchase via ko-fi if you want, just please keep in mind about the fee difference!

:

Their direct payal is here:

As always, if you can't help please share at least! Thanks in advance!

[onlycosmere]

Questioner: Do you have plans to self-produce your books into movies or TV shows? If Taylor Swift can do it, you can.

Questioner: Oh right, yeah, Taylor Swift. Let's point out, there's a little bit of a difference between a 45 million dollar Kickstarter and a 1.6 billion dollar tour. So, we've talked about this, and I've come to the conclusion that for right now I don't want to try it. There are a couple of reasons for this.

Reason number one is that I like my Kickstarters to have a ton of value in them, right? I always tell my team, I'm like, we have to be giving a lot of value to people on the stuff that they do with our crowdfunding or our Kickstarters. And that means that, of that 45 million dollars, we don't make a lot of that. We're putting most of that into the product, and into the shipping, and into the team, and into the company. And so, if we were to do a crowdfunded movie, we need like a 200 million dollar budget, 150 at the lowest, to do a film. And if I'm going to do that, I would want to be giving people a ton of value which means we'd probably have to raise 450 million, which is just a ridiculous amount to do on a crowdfunding, right? So that's number one.

Number two is, a lot of times, these sort of outsider projects don't work as well in Hollywood as you would hope they would. Taylor Swift was able to do a thing and put it directly in the theaters and whatnot, but what we want is a partner over a long period of time. I want someone like Universal, or Disney, or Warner Brothers, who has a long established reputation to buy in on the cosmere, and make things with me for twenty years, right? I don't want to just do one off, I want to build something over time and I feel like I need a really good partner in the industry to do that.

And you know, reason number three is, a fool and their money is soon parted. I've known too many people who think, yeah I can make a movie. And let's just say that there's a reason why The Room isn't that great, and it's because being good in one area doesn't mean you're good in another. I am really good at narrative. I'm getting good at screenplays, right? I'm getting to the point where I feel confident I could do the screenplays myself. But I can't direct, I can't cinematographize, I don't even know how to make that a verb, right? I can't do casting, I can't do all of these things that experts in their field, and yes, I could start hiring them, but I feel like, never having run a movie before, it would just be a disaster. So you would donate all this money, I would waste it all, because I wouldn't know what I'm doing, and this is how Kickstarters go bad real fast, right? I've only done these things when I know I can deliver, and I do not know I can deliver this for you.

So, for the mean time, I'm going to keep trying to use the standard mechanisms. I feel like, you know like, this year we got frighteningly close. Well, frightening is the wrong term. The frightening part is it didn't work out. But we got really, really close. I saw people on stage, in mistcloaks, acting and reading my lines, okay? Yeah. And then it all fell apart, and it's all dead, right? We got really close, but we're getting closer and closer. And Hollywood is really interested in the Cosmere. They recognize the value of my stories. They've been, for years, saying, we know this is going to come, break out, and it's going to be big someday. But it's all about figuring out how to make it work, and beyond that, Hollywood is kind of on fire right now. And so we're waiting for it to, for someone to put it out. So, regardless, the answer is, I've considered it, and I've discarded it for those reasons, but it's still possibly on the table. It is something that, you know, the awareness of the possibility is in the back of my mind, okay?

[devilishmango]

The Story of Sin [UPDATE 4/27/2024]

Find the demo here. Link to the main post here.

Hey guys! 

Welp, I finished the chapter just in time for this month’s update. 😅 I really liked this chapter, though… Things are starting to not be ok for Sin, mentally, and I always love writing things like that 

In this chapter, you…

Pick up that small creature! [And NOT hurt it!! Good job!! 👏]

Hang out with Murmur for a bit and learn a bit more about yourself

Hurt Murmur’s feelings :( [It’s ok, you can apologize!]

Have another strange dream

Upset Will. :( [It’s ok again! You can apologize… Eventually.]

Hang out with Murmur and Anya for a bit. 

Some things- I’m slowly changing the look of the whole game. Now that some ✨THEMES✨ are settling in, I’m able to actually make the IF look a little prettier. I have some other art I will be adding later, when something in particular happens in the story, so get ready for that as well! [Also, this is random, but I realize that I’ve never mentioned this… The beautiful hand/forehead model for the SoS banner is my lovely little sister. Just wanted to throw that out there! 😂] I am also introducing a secret stat 👀 I’m not entirely sure how I want it to look on the stat page, so right now it’s just a number that will either go up or down depending on some of your choices. So, until I figure out how I want it to look…… Enjoy just a random number on the stats page. 😂

Also! If you are interested in being a beta-tester/proofreader, please send me a message on tumblr. Or, if you don’t have a tumblr, just send me an email. kg.1996@outlook.com Please only message me if you are serious in beta-testing or being a proofreader. I’m not really picky about how much experience you have, but I do want people who would actively be helping me correct things like grammar, bugs, coding errors, etc. Oh! Also, you will need a discord account to be a beta-tester or proofreader. That’s the only requirement!! 

And, since it’s been a hot second and I have a lot more followers now… If you are able to, and like my art/works to the point that you would like extra content, please consider becoming a patron, or buying me a kofi! I know times are tough right now, so it’s totally fine if you can’t donate anything. But even just sharing/liking/commenting/etc. Are other ways you can help support me. But, if you do have a few dollars you can spare a month, I have tiers on patreon ranging from $1-$5- you get extra content that you can request, and early access to updates and whatnot! 

One more thing! I was just able to get this month’s update done, but I definitely think May’s update might not happen. 🥺 Midterms are next week, AND I’ll be going on a small vacation to Portland, OR. for about a week at the start of May… So I may not have enough time to put together the update for next month! I’ll let you guys for sure when the time comes, but I just wanted to let you know now in case it ends up happening! Thank you for being patient and understanding. ☺️

See you all next update! 

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 45,725 52,969 [+7,244]

[nausicaamusiclover20]

Hi Nausicaa)) would you consider writing a story about reader bring James doctor after Montreal accident? Like he wakes up and thinks he’s dead cause she looked like an angel? But she is aware of who he is (and the booze and the groupies) so she refuses his advances as she thinks he’s just wants a new experience- smart, clean girl? And this goes on for a while until he kinda ruins it when he suggests to donate money to hospital if she goes out with him- that makes her feel like a prostitute? So next day he’s assigned a new doctor? But james throws a tantrum refuses to change bandages and take meds until she has to come to his room? And he convinces her that he’s got good intentions?

I hope you like it❤

Healing touch

When James Hetfield woke up for the first time, I wasn’t expecting him to speak. His injuries were severe, his body a patchwork of bruises and bandages. Frankly, I’d expected him to drift in and out of consciousness for at least a day or two. But of course, the man opened his eyes, blinked blearily at me, and said:  

“Am I dead?”  

I froze mid-chart. His voice was low, scratchy, and full of confusion. He squinted at me, his expression almost childlike.  

“Not quite,” I replied, keeping my tone light. “But you tried hard enough to get there.” 

 

He studied me for a long moment, his brow furrowing like he was trying to piece something together. Then he asked, “Are you an angel?”  

I couldn’t help it—I laughed. “Not even close,” I said, shaking my head.  

That was my first real conversation with James Hetfield.  

As a doctor, you hear things. The staff was buzzing the moment he came in. “Did you hear? Metallica’s frontman—James Hetfield—is here!” There were hushed whispers about the accident, about his reputation. Tales of his wild drinking, his fiery temper, the endless stream of women.  

I ignored it all. He was just another patient to me—a man who needed stitches, bandages, and someone to keep him alive. The rest? It didn’t matter.  

But James didn’t make it easy to keep things professional.  

He started with the harmless stuff, little comments while I checked his vitals or cleaned his wounds.  

“You’ve got magic hands,” he said once, wincing but grinning as I rewrapped his bandages.  

“Do they hurt less when you flatter me?” I shot back.  

“Worth a try.”  

It became a thing with him. Every shift, every check-up, there’d be a joke or a compliment.  

“You’re my favorite doctor,” he’d say.  

“I’m only your doctor,” I’d reply.

He’d just smile, like that was enough.  

I thought I had him figured out—a rock star used to getting his way, trying to charm me out of sheer boredom. But sometimes, I’d catch something unexpected—a quiet vulnerability in the way he’d ask questions about his recovery or thank the nurses when he thought no one was looking.  

It threw me off balance. Enough to make me curious, even if I didn’t want to admit it.  

It happened on an otherwise quiet afternoon. James was feeling better that day, his voice stronger, his humor sharper.  

“So,” he started casually as I adjusted the IV line. “How many times do I have to ask before you’ll say yes to dinner?” 

 

I glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. “James, I’m your doctor. It would be completely inappropriate.”  

“Okay,” he said, leaning back with a smirk. “What if I weren’t your patient? Hypothetically.”  

“You are.”  

He tilted his head, clearly undeterred. “What if I made a donation to the hospital? A big one. Like, massive. But only if you agree to go out with me.”  

I froze, the words hitting me like a slap. For a moment, I thought I’d misheard him. But no—he was sitting there, looking proud of himself, like he’d just solved a problem.  

“Are you serious?” I asked, my voice cold.  

“Yeah, why not? I’d be helping the hospital, and—”  

I cut him off, shaking my head. “Unbelievable.”  

“What?”  

“You think you can just... buy me? Is that how this works in your world? Throw some money around and people fall at your feet?”

  

His face fell, the smugness replaced with genuine confusion. “No! That’s not what I meant—”  

“I don’t care what you meant,” I snapped, grabbing my clipboard. “I’m done here.”  

I didn’t wait for his response. I walked out of the room and straight to the nurse’s station, requesting an immediate reassignment. 

 

I thought that was the end of it. But the next day, I got called into the nurse’s lounge.  

“It’s Hetfield,” one of my colleagues said, exasperated. “He’s refusing everything—meds, bandage changes, even water. Says he won’t cooperate unless you talk to him.”  

I groaned. “Are you serious?”  

“Oh, completely. He’s throwing a tantrum. Honestly, I think he’s more trouble than he’s worth.”  

That was how I found myself standing outside his room, debating whether to walk in or just let him self-destruct. But professionalism won out. With a deep breath, I pushed open the door.  

“Really?” I said, crossing my arms as I stepped inside. “You’re holding your own recovery hostage?”  

He looked up at me, a sheepish expression on his face. “It got you to come back, didn’t it?”  

I sighed, resisting the urge to throw something at him. “What do you want, James?”  

He hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “To apologize,” he said finally. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I wasn’t trying to... buy you or whatever. I just... I don’t know. I thought it was a good idea at the time.” 

I stared at him, unmoved. “That’s your apology?”  

He sat up straighter, wincing slightly. “Look, I’m not good at this, okay? I like you. I know you think I’m just some sleazy rock star trying to get another notch on his belt, but it’s not like that. You don’t treat me like some big deal. You call me on my crap. And I don’t want to screw this up.”  

His voice cracked on the last sentence, and something in me softened despite myself.  

It wasn’t an instant fix. I agreed to take him back as a patient, but I kept my guard up. He seemed to sense it, too, because he stopped trying so hard. Instead, he started showing me who he really was—a man who could be thoughtful, funny, and surprisingly kind.  

Over the next few weeks, as I watched him heal, I realized I’d misjudged him. He wasn’t perfect, but he was trying to be better. And that counted for something.  

______ 

Weeks after James was discharged, I found a package waiting for me at the hospital. Inside was a handwritten note and a single concert ticket.  

“Thank you for everything. No strings attached. -James”

I stared at the note, rereading the words over and over. It was such a simple gesture, yet it carried more weight than I wanted to admit. No flashy promises, no over-the-top declarations—just a quiet thank you. 

 

For days, I debated what to do. Part of me wanted to ignore it, shove the ticket in a drawer and pretend it didn’t exist. But another part, the part that lingered on his smile or the way he’d apologized so earnestly, wouldn’t let it go.  

By the end of my next shift, the ticket was still in my bag, tucked away but heavy with possibility. That evening, after I’d showered and changed, I reached for the phone. My fingers dialed the number he’d scrawled at the bottom of the note.   Finally, with a deep breath, I dialed.   It rang twice before I heard his voice. “Hello?”  

“Hi,” I said, my voice steadier than I expected. “It’s me. Your ‘favorite doctor.' 

There was a beat of silence, and then he laughed—warm and unguarded. “Hey, favorite doctor. Didn’t think I’d hear from you. How are you?”  

“I’m fine,” I said. “I just... I got your note.”  

“Oh,” he said, his voice dipping into something softer. “Right. I, uh... I wasn’t sure if you’d—”  

“I read it,” I interrupted, my lips curving into a small smile he couldn’t see. “And you know, James, I think you deserve a prize.” 

 

“A prize?” he repeated, clearly confused. “What kind of prize are we talking about here?”  

I took a breath, letting the moment stretch. “The kind where I say… I’d like to go. To your concert.”

  

The silence on the other end of the line felt like it stretched for miles, and I wondered if I’d made a mistake. But then his voice came back, almost breathless. 

 

“Are you serious?”  

“Yes,” I said, and then added with a teasing edge, “But just so we’re clear—no strings attached.”  

That laugh of his—it came fast and full of relief, like he’d been holding his breath. “No strings, huh?” he said, his tone lighter now, playful. “Okay, no strings. I’ll take it. You don’t know how much this means to me.” 

 

I could hear the emotion in his voice, and for a moment, it made my chest ache. I wasn’t sure what I was stepping into, or where it would lead, but for once, I wasn’t overthinking it.  

“Well,” I said, trying to keep my tone even. “You’d better put on a good show. I’m not easy to impress.”  

“Oh, don’t worry,” he said, his voice brighter now, filled with something close to joy. “I’ve got a feeling you’ll leave impressed.”  

As I hung up the phone, I stared at the ticket in my hand, the corner of it frayed where I’d fiddled with it. Against all odds, I smiled. 

 

Maybe, just maybe, this was worth the risk.  

[porcelain-gal]

PROS 'N CONS LIST FOR MY NEW/BETTER CR divider credits ♡ my anxiety and overthinking has been eating me up abt permashifting so i'm making this to just remind myself why i want to leave in the first place. also i'm just resistant to change (neurodivergence) so this is also to help w/ that.

PROS

I'll be confident in myself in multiple ways (my body, my talent, etc.)

I'll be able to eat whatever I want without judgement or health issues.

I'll have the money I need to buy everything I want and fulfill my spending desires.

I will be able to actually donate to charities, organizations, and other things for good causes instead of feeling useless.

I'll have an enjoyable high school experience that won't consist of me crying and wanting to end my shit every day.

Speaking of ending my shit, I won't want to do that every day. I'll actually wake up and enjoy my life and live.

My culture will be more expanded and even have its own nation which I scripted. We'll also be more respected and considered in online gaming and media spaces.

I'll be able to be any gender/sex I want at will. Never again will I feel trapped in a body that I don't feel is me.

I can do magic. And I scripted that I'm omnikinetic too so like babe I'm gonna be able to be the next Hatsune Miku living inside your wi-fi.

I'll be able to buy and make my own fursuits exactly how I want. I'll finally be able to go to conventions and shit too.

I'll actually be as beautiful and pretty as the version of me inside my head is (because I imagine myself wayyy more attractive in my mind.)

And the list just goes on and on and on.

CONS

I won't be middle class anymore so I won't have those experiences anymore either.

I won't live in my hometown anymore. I'll be in a completely new nation which will be a big adjustment for me since that place is most of what I've known my whole life (aside from travelling but that's not the same as actually living somewhere, y'know?)

Uhhh. Yeah that's it LMAOAO!

if you're also a permashifter/respawner with anxiety and whatnot about leaving this reality, i recommend you do this too (if you want) since this really made me realize how much better my new/better cr is compared to... whatever the fuck this shithole of a place is.

[vorenado-m]

happy disability pride month! please consider helping me take back my life as a disabled person!

the TL;DR is that for the last 3 months i have had an absolutely soul-sucking miserable minimum wage retail job that, due to the way scheduling works (and the app being broken as fuck) has prevented me from having access to literally any of the life-saving mental health/medical care i need as a disabled person.

my disability is best managed through a combination of medication, therapy, and casework-- not a single one of which i have had since march! :) contextually, up until i got this job, i took three daily medications and had casework once a week and therapy once or sometimes twice a week. these services are offered at an affordable cost to me through a local organization that is threatening to close my case due to lack of participation.

ill make another, more detailed post later with some of the services i can offer for money (i draw! i code! i write!) but until then here is a code you can scan if you have a few dollars to spare:

there are more details beneath the cut (idk about you guys but im kinda nosy so i wrote some more stuff in case anyone else is also nosy) but thats the gist of it. you can also always ask for details. i dont have a therapist right now so it might feel good to say things.

my plan is as follows: i would like to take the month of july more or less "off" from work to get my affairs in order, starting with scheduling appointments for therapy and casework and getting back on my meds. i am actively looking for a job, but i would like the ability to be somewhat picky instead of applying everywhere i think might have me for the sake of having money coming in to pay rent.

for the last two years i have made less than $800/mo and i can survive on roughly $600-$650 a month. my july rent ($550) is paid and my august rent (at least $500) is most likely also squared away, through a combination of some cash i was hoarding, a previous donation, my last expected paychecks from my current job, and my brother generously offering to cover whatever is left over. the extra $100ish is for roughly a months supply of the food that is part of my daily routine that i get cranky without (i have tea every morning, for instance.)

i have a fantastic roommate who is not struggling as much financially who will do everything in her power to make sure i have access to staple foods (rice, eggs, etc) so i really just need to buy the things only i consume (kimchi, milk, etc.) there is a food bank i go to, so i am not worried about food, but i can only go to it once per month. we have a barter system where i trade her the things i dont want from the food bank and she buys me things i will eat; alternatively, i sometimes give her things i get from the food bank (eg meat) that she turns into meals for both of us.

i live independently/"alone" with roommates and do not have support from my family pretty much at all. they have never been particularly useful for emotional support and have openly denied me financial support since i was a teenager. moving in with them/getting help from them/talking to them is not an option.

i have emailed my caseworker at the mental health organization i work with as well as my caseworker with the disability vocational program i work with to help me find a new job that is "back of house" and requires less customer interaction. i did this over the weekend, so i expect to hear back from them sometime this week. in the meantime, i am searching for jobs on my own in places like indeed, jobhat, careerbuilder, etc. as well as checking company websites of places like chain grocery stores to see what is available in my area.

my job pool is a bit limited due to the fact that i cannot drive (due to both my disability and the medication im supposed to be taking for it) but i am very well-versed at taking the bus, which is free. getting to and from work is not a concern for me; it is being able to do the job without being driven to the edge of a mental breakdown that is the problem.

the disability vocational program is my ticket out of poverty! last month i had a follow-up evaluation (i had to call out of work for it, but frankly i was at the end of my rope then too) where they approved my career goals as a web developer and we are in the process of deciding what my next steps are! the program will likely (depending on what route i take) help pay for vocational training, too, but i obviously have to pay rent while in training. which i think i can do if i have a job that doesnt make me want to die.

i have some other things that make my life a bit harder (im mixed race, i am nonbinary + gay, etc) but i would say those things dont really impact my ability to get a job as much as the disability does LOL which is why i did not feature them prominently in this post. like, the reason i cant get a job isnt because people dont want to hire me because i have blue hair and pronouns, its because im obviously disabled.

if you have any other questions, no matter how intrusive you think they might be, feel free to send a DM or an ask, and i will try to answer.

[homosociallyyours]

This is a post for one of my best friends who's been going through a lot for the past few years. I'll go into more details below, but here's the heart of the matter: My friend has a serious auto-immune condition resulting from the long term after effects of cancer treatments (worsened now by the addition of long COVID to her long list of diagnoses). Over the past few years, she's gotten sicker and sicker and has been forced to change her diet from a vegetarian anti-cancer diet (she's a breast cancer survivor, and fought HARD for her health) to one that's become more and more limited as her body becomes allergic to every food one by one. She's now reached a point where one of the last 2 foods that she was able to eat safely, chicken, is causing an allergic reaction; she has to eat it anyway to survive, so is now very sick all the time.

What can you do?

One of the last hopes that she has to turn things around is something called a fecal microbiome transplant, which has worked miracles for other people with similar issues, but cannot currently be accessed through medical channels in the US for any but one (unrelated) condition. It's really easy to do as a DIY treatment though, it's just hard to find a donor: so we are putting it out there to see if one of you might be able and willing to be that person, or know someone who could do it.

Here is what she has to say about the ask:

Finding the right person to do this is difficult, but actually doing the helping is extremely easy and quick if someone was that person! If you live in the continental US and are fortunate enough to have both physical and mental good health (or know someone or have a child who fit the criteria) and are willing, you might be able to change my life! Please consider clicking through to read more and maybe even come aboard...  (For clarity: this isn't a medical procedure or anything, it is literally just donating poop, there are a few specifics but it is very much from the comfort of your home on your own time.)

You can click here to fill out a google form to see if you might be able to be a donor. The questionaire is detailed: fecal transplant is a bizarre and magical thing in which the patient sometimes can even end up acquiring personal preferences from the donor- the gut microbiome (sometimes called the second brain) is incredible! But this means that any illness, chronic issues, or risk factors you carry may also be transferred to the recipient so while it may feel invasive, getting detailed info in very necessary; I am just too sick already to take on any more problems.

A note- yes, it is possible to buy screened and processed treatments even in the US: unfortunately the cost (~$2k per round of treatment) is way outside my reach, particularly given that it isn't really any better than just getting poop directly from a good candidate (proven via studies), and that often it takes trying a couple donors/ rounds to find a match that gets results. If anyone wants to just buy me that stuff, I sure wouldn't say no to that, but given the severity of my situation (medical and financial; I cannot work due to disability) it is likely I will need to do medical fundraising at some point and I am trying to save that for an even worse point. Also if you have that kind of money to help out honestly it would be better spent on specialists or my astronomical food costs. I will cover all costs associated with this process if I find someone though, of course!

Thank you for reading/boosting/etc, please consider sending the link to possible healthy friends or family who might be a fit, or consider whether you have a child fitting the bill you might be willing to enlist- young microbiomes are the best ones, as children's systems have had less time to be ravaged by the effects of the modern world or the simple deterioration of age.

[solarwynd]

Tbh I don't even care / dislike boycott armys. If you don't want to spend money on BTS because they haven't spoken about Palestine, that's your perogative. Because they're enlisted, that does make a difference for me - maybe others find it an excuse but as someone who doesn't live in a liberal western country myself, I know how things like this work in my country and how vulnerable you can be in this situation, so I don't know how it works in s korea but still I'm giving them some leeway. Also there's just this weird disconnect for me because on one side yeah they're millionaires with a huge platform, on the other side they're currently in the mfing army right now. It feels foul to start tweeting about their privilege from the comfort of my bed in my home - something they currently do not experience. That's just my opinion. Someone else might perceive them to have more power than I do and maybe they're right. I won't say mine is the only right way to think. Plus again it's your money - if you donate more and spend less on merch then that's still a net good imo.

But the whole tone of people remarking on this donation has been completely gross. The way they talk about a genocide the same way they talk about the stupid fanwars that happen on twt everyday rather than with the weight it deserves makes me feel like this is some performative bs. Tweets like the ones some armys and kpop stans make just degrades the whole movement.

If you do have genuine intentions and start making stupid tweets like that, you should really touch some grass, log off twitter and do some more actual activism offline instead of letting twitter brain worms consume you. Acting like everyone's misconstruing what you said and playing victim is also not the move. This is a serious topic so I'd expect tweets related to this to have some actual thought behind it instead of spewing some idiocy as a gotcha because again it looks like you're treating this whole issue like some fandom war and trying to one-up the other side. Click-clack my ass.

Armys always come at BTS crazy during times like this and it’s not because it’s “necessary” since you want them to speak up. It all just comes off as sanctimonious and BTS ruining the perception armys have built around them as stans of them being a bit more conscientious than other k groups. I’ve never had an issue with boycotting in theory it’s just that armys can’t stand behind shit or just go about it the wrong way.

Why is it the minute they don’t perform to your exact standards, all of a sudden they’re low down and evil?Why couldn’t y’all have used Jimin donating as a beacon to rally fans to open a pool or something? And I try not to go tit for tat on things like this, but it’s extremely hard not to when you see proof of all these armys happily buying and streaming golden from last year and have been the main ones making these posts about jimin’s donation.

Nothing has changed from that time to present day. Same with the kpop stans trying to join in on it stanning groups who haven’t said a word either. How do you expect me not to believe y’all don’t have ulterior motives by singling him or BTS out? Now all those accounts have deleted those tweets cause they’ve gotten called out on their hypocrisy and got caught up in how dumb they look getting Jimin dragged over something so harmless. Cause it’s not like he gave money to something inane or inconsequential. He’s helping underprivileged children. Just real dickheaded behavior from that person.

Now considering how a member has close ties with scooter, making a statement would come off as hypocritical. I know in the grander scheme of things, what’s needed and what’s important is the awareness and I’d take it as such. But denouncing Zionism with a Zionist so avidly in the mix still wouldn’t be a good look. Which is why I feel like donating would have been the better option. It’d be much more substantial helping out with funds/materials imo because those are things Palestinians desperately need. But I understand that it’s not on the table since they’re in the military.

[whoslaurapalmer]

it's not even like I'm living extravagantly or luxuriously or anything but it's like. well now I have to stare at the ceiling and wonder, can I keep cable television. should I bundle the internet with my phone. should I stop this service. would I save money going forward if I paid for this instead. phone calls I have to make about if I have to open my own accounts. if I rent what are my options? what can I take? I can take This but I can't take That. can I poke holes in the wall and hang clocks and posters and pictures. can I paint. what's available to me. I might be able to keep the house. I might be able to buy. I might have to rent. so little is available on my income. but that's what programs are for and my cousin's wife knows a lot about what my options are and where to start because I don't know where to start!! and she knows what I'd like so she's coming over on Friday to talk about everything

calling people to cancel my mom's upcoming appointments. wondering what I should try and sell or keep. should I return this. can I take that with me. is taking a couple puzzles considered an extravagance. it shouldn't be, BUT. where would I put This. can i take the pile of notebooks where my mom and dad wrote notes for each other to update each other about their day and family stuff because some days they didnt see each other when my dad worked weird hours. i want it because thats a piece of my life and it's them but where do i put it if i move. it's not stuff that has to be decided TODAY it's literally been just two whole entire days. but it's stuff that has to be decided soon. by the end of this month. so basically. now. I should measure things tomorrow. I should think about donating and selling and. everything.

my aunt: okay this is just my opinion but I think the house is too big for you and you'd be living alone

me: ....................I'd be living alone regardless??????

and it really isn't a lot of house. like. I'd rearrange things, I'd paint, I could, make my mom's room into a craft room, she always wanted me to have a craft room!!!!! but do I need a dining room!! and!!!!! I don't know. if I had a smaller space I could maybe have a craft section in a dining room. would I even be able to get something with a dining room. I just want something comfortable with room thats mine where i can sing and my brother can come over and do his laundry and i have space for all my things and i feel okay. but there are certain debts to be paid with the house, if i stayed and if i didnt stay. we have to handle the car too. my cousin's wife said don't rule out any options!! we'll look into it and talk about it!! and I'm glad she's being so helpful and optimistic. and I shouldn't worry about housing in particular until we really talk on Friday. but it's in my mind. of course.

I! am still holding it together okay!! There's a lot to get in order and think about and at least I know where everything is and it's, occupying. but it's also like. yes I'm doing such a good job and I'm proud of me but I'm only doing all this because my mom isn't here. my brother says something funny and I want to tell her. the guy on wheel of fortune tonight solved puzzles so wrong and I wanted to see her face when he solved wrong and hear her laugh. I want to watch dancing with the stars with her tomorrow. we didn't get to finish watching halloween wars and now all the holiday baking has started. she's not gonna find out who killed lester on only murders. I still have to go to the endocrinologist on Thursday, because it's too close to try and reschedule. I have to go to our cardiologist for my annual at the beginning of December and i have to tell him that my mom that he saw for over 30 years and was supposed to have a double appointment with me isn't here anymore. I have to see my eye doctor in January and tell her and I know she's gonna cry. i have to switch my insurance but that's also because my plan's not being offered next year so unrelated but it's another phone call. it's a payment I have to make now. it's a phone call I wanted to make with my mom so she could tell me I was doing it right. I know what questions to ask and everything but. I wanted her there. I still haven't told my sister. my mom didn't want me to say anything to her. and I respect that and I'd never talk to her again, for my own reasons, but I should tell her anyway. but now I'm the one that has the copy of her birth certificate because the little safe of all our important papers is mine now. and I'm only 80% sure she has one, so first i have to ask her boyfriend if she has one for sure. which is like. man what a pain.

but my brother and I watched some episodes of crime scene kitchen together and he really enjoyed it and that made me happy. the christmas episode of andy griffith was on tonight and it made us laugh. I put my mom and dad's wedding photo in my room and it makes me feel safe to look at it. and right now I just have to go to bed. and see what tomorrow looks like. Tuesday when my alarm goes off, the radio station I have it tuned to does one of my favorite segments. my best friend made me the BEST chocolate chip cookies in the whole world and there's still three left for dessert tomorrow. my second cousin posted a picture of like six years ago when her daughter was born and my mom held her and it made me feel all warm inside because I wasn't expecting to see a picture of my mom and she loved holding babies. my brother is still drawing the comic he's been working on. we played super mario wonder today. we really like being able to play a mario game where we're both playing at the same time and my mom was really excited when I told her that the other day. pusheen still exists. I'm here.

[mijikai-tan]

So, I rarely post text stuff on this blog and I know I don't upload on this blog frequently as I used to back in the day (just post one pic and then disappear for an entire year scenario lol) but if anyone still cares at all, I'll just ramble right away

Just when I thought this year couldn't get any more worser, it ends with a cherry on top revolving around my parents getting sued. I won't get into too much personal detail but this is stressing me the fuck out today. My parents currently aren't in a good financial situation-ish and I honestly don't know if I'm able to even survive 2025. I'm legit terrified of going homeless if we lose this case (I mean there is also 2 steps ahead of planning other work-arounds but this is still fucking terrifying) I'm going to have to take art business seriously again and do everything I can to make money again in 2025. That is if we somehow win the case and we're still able to live in this goddamn house. Idk I've been through enough shit this year and it fucked me up both mentally and emotionally causing me depression. I just want to be happy and live peacefully

But anyways, I'm going to have to start planning on re-opening art commissions again, chibis mostly. I'll open chibi commissions, YCH commissions, maybe design adoptable again, sell merch on inprnt, literally do everything I can to make money because art is the only thing I'm good at

Ofc my love and passion for my favorite fictional pairing (RenMei lol) won't go away as I will still draw them in my free time when I'm not doing art business. But atm, life is not looking good for me so I need all the support I can get so I can also help my parents

I might also consider opening commissions / do commissions on ko-fi but for now, I have to come up with a lot of plans and stuff since I haven't did Chibi commissions in like. a year or so. For now, I'll list my ko-fi here so if anyone want to support me, feel free to donate. Until then, once I make plans for art commissions and art-business related stuff, I'll make a new post about it.

[we-are-inevitable]

from the burdened prompt list: “i know it’s selfish.  but i wish someone would just take care of me.”

davey struggling, having to work longer hours bc his family needs more money this month and jack finds him and davey accidentally lets this hidden “selfish” desire slip out

respectfully y’all are SO jacphobic if you don’t leave a comment on ao3 for this one (im joking (a little))

i hope you guys like this one !!

————

For the Jacobs boys, nights at the lodging house are a rare treat.

They always start the same. One of the boys at the lodge would tell Les about a game they were playing, or an event that everyone was chipping in on. A birthday, most often; birthdays at the lodge were apparently a big deal, since it was the one joy some of these kids might have. The boys who could afford to would offer up a few pennies to buy something nice. A dime novel, maybe, for the boys who liked to read, but usually the gift would be as much candy as a few quarters could buy.

Les, ever the social butterfly, loves being a part of these nights, and always tells their parents at the dinner table. Esther usually allows him to donate a penny or two, especially if this birthday was for one of the littles or a boy around his age. It wasn’t always like this, of course; the first time Les asked to stay the night, it took a long discussion before Esther and Mayer agreed, and they only agreed if David would stay, too. It was a little easier to convince them the second time, and again for the third, and fourth, and fifth, and now the boys don’t even have to ask: if they have a free night with no work at home to be done, they can go, but only if Esther and Mayer know ahead of time.

Once Mayer is cleared to go back to work, though, nights like those are few and far between.

As promised, as soon as their father finds a new job that will be easier on his health, Les and David are back in the classroom, learning literature and arithmetic as though their summer hadn’t been taken over by the strike. David had considered it a miracle, and Les had dreaded it since the start, but school was in session and David finally had structure back in his life.

That was what was missing, right? Structure. A clear plan. No roadblocks, no mishaps— a guidebook to the rest of his life, one he had made up when he was far too young to worry about such things. To David, school is structure. School leads to college, and college leads to a career, and a career means that David can provide for his parents, and his eventual family, and he will never have to worry about not doing enough or not being good enough because he will be enough and things will work out in his favor.

School is structure, and structure is uninterrupted, until it is.

When Esther pulls David aside one morning before he’s supposed to walk to school, David feels his stomach drop. “David,” she starts, her voice ever soft, calm, “Dear, your father and I have been thinking.”

“About?”

“Your schooling. We know how important education is to you, but, darling… You’re a smart young man, so I’m going to be honest with you. With your father’s new job, we’re still struggling to make ends meet. It doesn’t pay as much as his old job, and—“

“Do you need me to stop going to school? So I can work?”

“Oh, dear, we would never ask that of you,” She assures him, gently cupping his cheeks. “You have a brilliant mind, son. You are going to do amazing things one day, I’m sure… I want you to understand that we- your father and I- hate asking this, but,” She pauses, and David can see her frown pinch like she’s in pain, like asking this is hurting her. David hates seeing this expression on his mother. She closes her eyes for a moment, then meets his gaze with a sad smile. “Would it be possible for you to go to school, then sell the evening edition? Just until we can get back on our feet?”

Against his better judgement, David says yes without even thinking it over.

His family needs him. He can manage this. He’ll still be in school, and he’ll be making money, and it doesn’t matter that he already comes home from school dead on his feet because he’s so tired, because this time he’s helping his family and doing something for himself to make something of himself, and isn’t that the point of all of this?

Besides, it works.

It works for three weeks, at least. For three weeks, Does it, no problem. He goes to school and rushes through work so there’s less to do at home, and he’s still getting good marks on most of his assignments. Once school is done, he walks Les to the halfway point between the tenement house and the lodging house, tells him to take his bookbag and put it next to the door, and to give Ima and Aba a big hug for him. He watches Les walk for about a minute or so, just to make sure he’s okay, and when Les rounds the corner of the block, David takes off like a shot to get to the lodge in time.

That’s his every-day for three weeks. He doesn’t make much money only selling one edition, but he’s helping- he can see that he is. His parents aren’t as stressed anymore, and he’s still getting an education and holding down a job, and surely that means something, even if he comes home from work late and misses dinner with his family often and rarely ever talks anymore because he heads right to bed after eating.

Three weeks, and Esther finally sits him down one Friday morning before school.

“David,” she says softly. “Why don’t you stay at the lodge tonight?”

David it’s his head, brows pinching together. “You’re sure?”

Esther nods, and squeezes his hand, something she’s done since he was a child. “I don’t want you having to worry about walking home so late, darling. Besides, you don’t have any school tomorrow, and you haven’t stayed over in a long time— I insist, really. Have some fun with your friends.”

“…Okay,” David says after a moment, nodding. ���Okay, I can do that. I won’t have to get up so early for the morning paper tomorrow.”

“Skip it,” Esther say, and runs a hand through David’s hair. “Take a weekend off, baby. Please?”

“But—“

“But nothing,” She interrupts. She has that look on her face: a mother’s look of concern, one that says she knows he’s overworking himself, but it’s not like he can just stop now. “You’ve been such a big help, dear, but you’re still a kid. Have fun, and be with your friends. Don’t worry about work.”

And David knows she’s right. She almost took it back, saying that David could work and go to school, after the first week— David was the one who said that he was fine, that he’d keep it up until winter and see where they were financially. If they were well off, he would stop working after the winter holidays. If not, he would continue. Mayer had said it was a good idea. Good work ethic, his boy; that’s what Mayer brags about to coworkers, and that’s the praise that David keeps square in his chest. Good work ethic.

Good work ethic.

That being said, David is appreciative of being given the weekend to be a teenager again. Everyone has been asking when he’s going to stay over again, and he hasn’t had an answer for them, but now he’ll be able to have a good night again.

The evening headline is a good one, too. Something about some bigshot in Brooklyn being killed. David knows that Spot Conlon and her girls are going to have a field day with this one, that’s for sure, but David is just happy that it was a big enough of a deal to make Manhattan’s news too. The papes sell fast, and David gets to the lodge even faster. Walking through the doors, he’s immediately met with the familiar chaos, and it brings a smile to his face.

“Dave!”

The voice comes from his left, and before he’s able to turn, he’s wrapped in a hug by Racetrack. It only lasts a few seconds, but David laughs and rolls his eyes as Race shoves him almost immediately after.

“Where’ve you been?” Race says with a grin, raising a brow. “You ain’t been here in ages.”

“I just spoke to you an hour ago,” David reminds him. He had seen Race walking back to the lodging house while he was selling. From the looks of it, Race had been walking back from Brooklyn, so odds are that he had been selling across the bridge all day. “I’ve been busy with school, but I’m stayin’ here over the weekend.”

Race nods his head, that signature mischievous smirk reappearing on his face. “Ya don’t say,” He says, teasingly. “Y’know, Dave, Jack’s been throwin’ fits without you bein’ around here so often. You should go talk to him. Does he know you’re stayin’?”

“Not yet,” David replies, shaking his head. “Is he okay? Have I missed something?”

“Oh, no, he’s fine,” Race says quickly. He pulls his cigar out of his shirt pocket, then the lighter from his pants pocket; he offers them up to David, but David shakes his head again and Race nods to himself. “He’s just been missin’ you, I think. He ain’t ever gonna admit it, but…” He trails off, giving David a knowing look, and, yeah, okay.

Okay, maybe Jack and David have a thing going on. There’s nothing really there, not yet, but the chemistry is undeniable; David had at first assumed he was making it all up— he’s never really understood this romance thing— but then Race pointed it out one day, and since then, David has gone to him for every burning Jack Kelly issue his mind could think up. How he wants to kiss him, but he’s never kissed anyone, but Jack has kissed a lot of people so what if David isn’t anything special? Or how it’s unfair that Jack can look so good in nice, tailored clothes, since he has that big job at the World now, you know, so he has to look nice and it kind of drives David mad, and how—…

And how David hasn’t really been here in weeks. And how David has only been selling, then heading home immediately after selling his last paper. And how he can’t remember the last time he had a good conversation with Jack, who should probably hate him by now.

David takes a deep breath. “Where is he?”

Not even five minutes later, his hands land on the last rung of the ladder to the rooftop, and Jack Kelly is there in all his glory: laying on his back, basking in the August sun. Once David has both feet solidly on the roof, he sees Jack’s eyebrow quirk up, though his eyes never open. “Crutch? You good?”

David clears his throat. “Uh— Yeah, but I’m not Crutchie.”

Instantly, Jack sits up, eyes flying open. His look is nothing short of delighted, and he grunts as he pushes himself up to his feet. “Davey! What’re you doin’ here?”

An oddly chipper reaction, considering they haven’t actually talked in a while. Back over the summer, David and Jack were fast friends, and even faster… whatever they are now. They sold together nearly every day, played cards between editions, sat next to each other during every meal, talked for hours and hours on end without ever tiring. They were a package deal.

“I’m staying the night,” David says with a nervous smile, pushing down the thought of this is ruined and he hates me. “It’s been a while, so I figured I could come back for a bit, if that’s okay? I have enough to pay for a bunk, I just—“

“You’re kiddin’ me, right?” Jack asks, walking closer. “Dave, this might be one of the last nights we get on the rooftop ‘fore it gets too cold. You’re stayin’ up here, with me,” He says, and that smile— god, that smile— shines full force. “C’mon, sit down. How’s school been?”

David follows Jack’s lead, eventually sitting next to him on a pile of blankets near the outward corner of the roof. “It’s been alright,” David answers, leaning back and bracing himself on his palms. “I’m still no better in math, but grammar is kind of fun. My teacher thinks I’m ahead, though, whatever that means.”

“That’s good, though, right?” Jack nudges David gently with his elbow. “Means you can take it easy.”

“I guess,” David nods, and lets out a soft sigh. Taking the easy road, it’s never been David’s strong suit. He supposes Jack is right; he can take it a little easier in school and not push himself so hard, that way he can pace himself while selling. Maybe he wouldn’t be as tired then, but… “I don’t think so, though. I’d rather just get school over with so I can focus on working.”

Jack is quiet for a moment. David stares straight ahead, resting along the ledge behind him, until he feels Jack’s hand on his shoulder. “Dave,” He stares, tilting his head. “What’s goin’ on? I thought you loved school.”

“I mean, I do,” David says quickly, though he doesn’t meet Jack’s eyes. “I want to continue my education so I can be a- a doctor, or a business man, or something, but right now… My family needs me right now. If I go faster with school, then I can help them, and—“

“Is that really fair to you, though?”

The question stops David in his tracks. Is it? Not really, no, but then again, what is? If life was fair, his father wouldn’t have gotten hurt. If life was fair, his father wouldn’t even have been working in that damned place anyway, and instead he’d be rich and successful like he had always been working towards. If life as fair, David would be able to focus on school, and wouldn’t be mocked and ridiculed all day for working a job. David knows he’s better off than the rest of the newsies, but at school, it doesn’t feel like it. Most of David’s friends don’t even have to work a job. They get new shoes every year, too, instead of waiting until the old pair gets too small or falls apart. If they rip their clothing, they can mend it and make it look seamless, not patchy, or they just buy new clothing all together. David doesn’t have that luxury. Life isn’t that fair.

He takes a deep breath, then says: “No. It’s not.”

Jack nods. The silence between them is uncomfortable, but only until Jack gently slings his strong arm around David’s waist, pulling him closer. David sinks into his touch, letting himself relax, letting himself lose the rigid tension running along his spine.

“I wish I could help,” Jack says softly, and shifts, allowing David to lie back with his head against Jack’s chest. “But, hey… soon, you’ll be outta school, and you ain’t gonna have to worry about that anymore. Right?”

“Until I decide to go to university,” David amends, “but at this point, I don’t- I don’t know if I can afford to go. My teacher is telling me I should, but it’s going to cost $150… I don’t have that kind of money. None of us do. And- And maybe I could save it up, but not when all of my money is putting food on the table— I can’t just… focus on myself right now. I have a family to feed.”

Jack rubs circles against David’s hip with his thumb, and sighs. “You deserve the chance to focus on you, Davey…”

What breaks David’s heart is that he knows. He knows he does. But it’s not in the cards, not now. David stays silent for a long while, and Jack does too; they listen to the sounds of the city bustling beneath them, the boys’ laughter filtering out from an open window, music playing in the distance.

Neither of them say a word, until David sniffs, and wipes his eyes. “I- I know it’s selfish,” He starts, his voice barely above a whisper, “but I… I wish someone would just take care of me. I know that’s not- it doesn’t work like that. I know. I’m supposed to take care of everyone else, but it’s so fu-fucking hard to just… push myself to the side.” As he speaks, his voice catches, and the next thing he knows, he’s wrapped in both of Jack’s arms. Jack’s hand rubs his back, and David finally allows himself to let go. Not a sudden outburst, no; this is a gradual accumulation of tears until David’s shoulders shake, but he’s silent, because outbursts are unappealing and sadness should be polite.

Still, David finds Jack’s voice grounding him.

“I know, I know… Let it all out, Dave, you don’t gotta be strong right now. I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you… You’re safe to let it out.” And how Jack always knows exactly what to say, David will never know.

David will never know how Jack knows just how to hold him, just how to run his hands through his hair and just barely tug on the strands to reign him in. He’ll never know how Jack knows to kiss his temple, his forehead, his cheeks, all while squeezing his hand or wiping away his tears. He’ll never know how Jack knows that humming calms him down, whether it’s his mother’s Hebrew lullabies or the melody of one of Medda’s songs from the last show she put on.

What David does know, though, is that he’s safe, and he doesn’t have to shoulder the weight of the world. Not around Jack.

When David calms down, he’s still resting against Jack’s chest, letting out a few heaving sighs. “Thank you,” he whispers, tilting his head up to look Jack in the eyes. “I— I didn’t mean to cry, but… thank you.”

“You don’t gotta hide from me, Davey,” Jack murmurs back, tucking a strand of David’s hair behind his ears. “You don’t gotta explain yourself, either… When you’re here, my job is to take care of you, okay?”

“Jack, no—“

“I’m serious,” Jack cuts him off, raising a brow. “You got so much on your plate, and you know that. Right? … So let me help, wherever I can. I want to.”

David takes this in for a moment, before sighing softly and nodding. “Okay. I… I appreciate it.”

Jack smiles gently down at him. For a moment, they stare into each other’s eyes, and as soon as Jack cups David’s cheek, it’s all over. David leans up and Jack closes the gap, and the kiss is short, but sweet, and good, and right.

The weight of the world isn’t so heavy after that.

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Hey Sunshines!!

I’ve been so blessed to gain quite a following here on Tumblr ☺️ 😵‍💫!!

Writing is something that I’ve loved doing ever since I was young and I’m happy that I get to share that passion here with you guys :)!!

Due to an influx of follwers not only on tumblr but all other sites I am on, I’ve decided to open up a “Buy Me a Coffee”.

I’m in the middle of going through school right now, and any extra income would be helpful, even if it is a few dollars here there to potentially actually buy me a coffee haha.

I want to start off by saying DO NOT feel obligated to donate. It is something that I just thought might be a good idea for a passive way of making income- especially considering I don’t expect to make much, just a little pocket change.

I will say if you do visit my “Buy Me a Coffee” website, after the donation area there is a box where you can leave a message :)!! After talking to a few other creators, artists and authors I realized a lot of people leave requests with donations as well, kinda like a Patreon but in a smaller sense I’m guessing.

But since I wrote requests freely on here already, I’ve decided that if someone were to request alongside a donation I’ll expand my writing genres ie; I will make a couple of exceptions to my normal guidelines, meaning I’ll have a wider variety of topics I’ll write about (including more explicit things via many requests I do so). I felt that that was a fair trade.

Although again I cannot stress enough DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO DONATE. The option is completely up to you, I just wanted to let you guys know!

I’m hoping with a little extra money, I’ll be able to lighten up my workload while I’m in school, giving me a little more time to focus on writing as it is my passion. I cannot thank you guys enough for the immense amount of support you have given me so far and I can’t wait to continue writing for my sunshines!

Much love,

Luz

Buy Luz A Coffee

[rxttenfish]

okay so multiple big updates for everyone

first of all this is a really bad spell and will probably be for some time yet. for those not in the know, i live with my parents still on account of being disabled and unemployed, and i'm the fun kind of disabled where i end up in spells where i can't walk or function but still everyone insists that i can't be disabled and i'm making it up and faking it. as you can imagine, this means no treatment for said disability. we also cannot drive due to multiple reasons, and because we live rurally, that means we can neither work nor go anywhere at all to begin with without someone to drive us.

this has led into an ongoing food issue where my parents will refuse to obtain or make food that i can eat, something which is again pretty limited on account of food being something i have both sensitivities about and probably an eating disorder? it's complicated. which means i'm now going through spells where i don't eat for sometimes multiple days, and what does end up being eaten is neither good nor substantial. i don't think anyone can really help with this, unfortunately. i'll try to take on more commissions to try and build up some money to buy food with as my main strategy. donations through the ko-fi link are appreciated but not necessary.

furthermore, my family refuses to turn on the AC until we're well into summer, so i've been constantly way too hot and without any good way to cool down. i seem to be more sensitive to heat than everyone else in the household, so i'm notably handling it worse than everyone else.

what this does mean is that i'm in an absolutely terrible mood all of the time and not going to be very social nor creative. no spoons for either of those things, and most of that energy is going to go towards comms.

secondly, i've gotten really out of monster prom. i've seen the newest trailer and i felt absolutely nothing at it. nothing coming out of it is promising, and even the new liam material that i could get excited about feels tarnished and worse than what already existed. the writing feels different, the characters feel different, and it's missing the character connections and sincere friendships that drove me to monster prom in the first place. i do not think i will be playing the new game.

moreso, considering the way the series has drifted over time, i do not think i'm interested in the world of monster prom either. the lore has gotten noticeably worse, especially in their attempts to make it all fit together, i won't lie.

ultimately, i think the path going forward would be more akin to making ocs out of all the older character personalities and dynamics that i loved to begin with, and severing my ties with monster prom proper.

thirdly, i have not been in the mood for fandom in general either. it might be one of the bad spells, where i can't feel pleasure or happiness at all, and it might be one of the bad spells where it feels like no one is speaking the same language as me and i can't understand anyone. or it could be the fact that i've gotten less and less tolerant of constant jokes and joking and an inability to take anything seriously, which might also be a part of the bad spell to begin with. either way, my tolerance for fandom right now is basically nonexistent. i'm probably going to start blacklisting some popular fandoms and i do not want them brought up when talking about unrelated subjects. likewise, avoid sending me asks that are too jokey or ironic or what have you.

i have been in the midst of an ongoing psychotic episode as well, so i'd appreciate some understanding in why i might not be very nice lately or very easy to talk to.

[mc-pumpkin]

dubbs!!! saw u posting about fields of mistria. im considering buying it and i wanted to know is it actually pretty good ? like would u consider it worth it

I've been really really enjoying it! I think there's a lot of features in this game that make it quite fun :D

I was writing a whole essay about all the features but perhaps the devs themselves can do that better than me. You can read about everything available in early access here, along with what they're planning to add/update in the near future

What I will say is I have found everything available in early access to either line up with my experiences in other games, such as the fishing being similar to Animal Crossing, or donating to the museum being reminiscent of bundles in Stardew. Or to be fun and refreshing like the magic spells and skill perks feeling like magic is always present in wherever I go and whatever I do, or the combat in the mines being a step up from every other farming game I've played

I think the biggest appeal to me for this game has definitely been the character art. And something I think this game does better than other farming sims I've played is making the characters feel like they're actually living and doing things with their lives, as they will have conversations with each other and even comment on things you've done or follow up on previous conversations you've had with them

but I will say I've put 50 hours into the game so far and I am feeling like I'm nearing the end of what's available in early access, though I am still very much enjoying playing! I think if I had to summarize my thoughts, as much as I do love this game it is still early access and does not have nearly as many features as say Stardew, but Stardew has been out and updating for 8 years and I think if these devs are just as dedicated to their game as ConcernedApe is to his I think Fields of Mistria has a bright future

imo the game is definitely worth buying rn if you find the early access features appealing and 50 hours of gameplay for whatever price it costs in your region sounds like a good deal to you :D

[liminalbeans]

A LIST OF THINGS THAT I WAS ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL: *long post, because I am an extreme yapper*

1. Mood rings

I was FLOORED the first time I saw one of these. Thought people were joking about them until I encountered one in a museum gift shop. Finding out that they reacted to your body heat, not your actual mood, did not make them any less cool to me, because it's still a ring that reacts to your body heat, that's some awesome Sci-fi shit.

Unfortunately I was like... incredibly bad at owning rings, or really anything small as a kid, and my mood rings would just dematerialize after a bit, never to be seen again, so i had to keep getting new ones. I feel like if I clean my basement drawers thoroughly enough, I'll find one.

2. Absolutely anything with this holographic rainbow shine on it

This material/design had a CHOKEHOLD on me as a kid, and honestly..it still does. It's just so PRETTY to look at, and you can turn it and the colors all shift, and it's rainbow, and just...oughe...ye....

I would buy things just because they have this material on them, and I still do sometimes. I recently got a holographic bumper sticker from a cat cafe near me, and I'm probably not going to put it on my car. It's not for that. It's for holding and just staring at and messing with for hours.

3. Beanie babies

Considering what my blog is, this shouldn't come as a surprise. I had TONS of beanie babies as a kid. I know a good amount of them got donated at some point (tragic) but I have some of my childhood ones and am collecting more now.

I was born in 2003, so when I was growing up the "beanie bubble" had just burst and everyone found out these little dudes weren't worth squat. So they were super cheap in thrift stores, garage sales, some small business would give them away to little kids shopping with their parents, they were everywhere and whenever i wanted a little toy, boom! I'd get a beanie.

And they're GOOD stuffed animals, too. Good quality, nice textures and colors, tons of unique designs, satisfying to hold, perfect size to carry around, what's not to love.

4. Anything glow in the dark

Just like the mood rings, this concept fascinated me. It glows?? Without electricity?? It absorbs SUNLIGHT?? bro?? I would get any glow in the dark thing I could get my hands on.

My obsession with glow in the dark stuff gave me one specific habit that I still sometimes do. Whenever I see an item that is colored that specific shade of light green, the "glow in the dark" shade, I'll grab it, cup it in my hands, and stare at it with as much light blocked out as possible, to see if it glows in the dark or not.

5. These colored rocks at gift shops

Okay... I feel like this one shouldn't even count because EVERYONE was obsessed with these. It's a canon event. I don't think there is a single person out there who could walk into a gift shop that had these and not lose their mind over them.

Also, I feel like at least one of these exists in every single person's home. Even if you don't remember buying it, even if you've never been to a gift shop...it just materializes in there, in one of the junk drawers or trinket dishes.

6. Squinkies

The chokehold these little things had at my school when I was in fifth grade was INCREDIBLE. everyone had at least one of these and there was a genuine black market going on for them on the playground, the lunchroom, anywhere the teachers couldn't see us swapping them. I'm certain at least one friendship was permanently ended over these, probably more than one. And I loved little trinkets and collecting things, so I went crazy with them. I actually had a "rare" one. It was an obvious bootleg I got from a gumball machine type thing in some candy store, but it glowed in the dark so everyone was losing their minds over it. People were trying to bribe and beg me for it left and right (i think I kept it, but I'm not sure where any of mine are now)

I also have a very distinct memory of almost dying because of one of these, and I'm not sure if it's even real, but it feels real? I remember chewing on one of them at home(distinctly remember it was a blue or teal one) and I accidentally inhaled it and started choking. My mom was not in the room and I was too panicked to call her or something, and I just started freaking out silently. I was somehow able to get it out, but I never chewed on them again. And it's like such a weird memory... But I feel like it did happen.

7. These two books

If I could erase one memory from my head, it would be the memory of these books so that I could read them for the first time again. these were probably my favorite childhood books ever. The drawings!! The textures!! The feeling of being a cool mythical researcher learning about monsters!! I feel like these were a LOT of people's gateway into the fantasy genre

There's probably other stuff that I was obsessed with, but these are the main things I remember.