I usually do my best to be nice, but seeing that Carlos Yulo's amazing Olympic win video had a cringe Israeli waving his flag in front of the camera for literally no reason made me go off
Lahat na ninanakaw pati yung pananalo ng Pinoy ulol
Get out of there weirdo!!!
Carlos is a hero not only for getting the Philippines the SECOND OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL in history after strong woman Hidilyn Diaz
but for making sure Israel didn't get it 😂
Ang galing mo talaga Caloy!!!!
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woke up from my beautiful gelato-brained slumber in time to watch a dude from toronto get an olympic gold medal in breakdancing and it DID feel like a fever dream i love olympic,
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hi sorry ive only seen the you are apollo justice bit in passing but to me apollo justice is like the equivalent of your fursona
THE WHEEZE I JUST LET OUT
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Tw: mentions suicidal ideation(?), depressing shit, manic ranting??, closeted trans rage i suppose
Just be cautious reading. If youre not in the right headspace, save yourself and dni with this post.
I mentioned this was a messy rant blog, so if youre mad please... dont be? Lol
[I mean this genuinely<3]
Its 3am. I am manic? I have made my hair shorter than ever before and i love it.
However i should be in bed right now. I work tomorrow and im gonna be self conscious about it tomorrow because "oH nO, WhAt iF tHeY noTicE im Tr Ans?!? " but like.... at this moment, i dont care . And its already cut so i cant just glue it back on??? im so depressed and stressed lately, i needed a win but i know tomorrow my tism will kick in and i'll be over thinking how people around me percieve me.. i dont know wht to think or feel or say or do, i just want to go somewhere new and start over without having to tell anyone anything.. im just so over it some times.. plus thinking about how hard it will be for me to get gender affirming care at all just makes me so discouraged and unwell i literally want to stop thinking but i cant. My mind is racing and racing and i cant even keep up meanwhile my body refuses to move.
Im stuck.
Seditary in my own caccoon because i'd rather disapear from the minds and lives of those i love than risk being hated by them. And all i can do is cry and dissasociate and eat. Then sleep with my ex to fix me only to be reminded he sees me as a woman right now. I want everything to just pause.. not end, just pause.
I want to hurt myself, scream, cry as loudly as i can until my problems are magically solved but i also dont have access to anything thatd make this easier for me. I want to exist in a world where no one gives a shit what gender anyone is and we all get to live in a perfect world where i and everyone else could easily get the gemder affirming care needed.
I want to be happy so badly, i want to live to be comfortable in my body and to be percieved as a man in every day life.. but sometimes i think about just pretending again just so i dont disrupt those around me..
Bro no idea what im talking about anymore, im just screaming inside my head and need to vent before i explode.j dont think this rant was as vile as i thought itd be but i also never understand whats too much and whats socially accepted, please dont be a dick to me, i will literally chew my own hand off);
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