#conditional records

[trashpandaqc]

gigs and DJ crates of the past...

[bitter-goodbyes]

THE STATIC AND JON BREATHING AT THE END OMGGGG IM FERAL

[bardic-irritation]

maybe unpopular opinion but I'm kinda loving Elias so far? like as a Person I would hate him but as a Character? kicking my feet and giggling everytime he makes a stupid joke or menaces someone. slayyyy old man. terrorizing your employees is so good for the Plot.

[coolnonsenseworld]

Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰

linktr.ee/Mezzy

[squidbian-ink]

very frustrating issue I keep encountering as an undiagnosed sick/disabled person.

$1 kofi doodles <- help me get a laptop and pay for medical bills. might actually help me get a diagnosis that way lol

downloadable stickers on my Etsy

[read-write-thrive]

there are all of 6 fics on ao3 that come up when you search the word “disabled” in the dead boy detectives fandom. I’m dealing with a fibromyalgia flare up rn so I’ve decided to come up with some (potential!) disability/condition/syndrome/etc. headcanons. enjoy!

(oh and just to note: I stayed away from conditions with obvious facial / appearance difference as no actors with facial / appearance difference were cast in the show and I was unsure if it would be appropriate. while I have experience with a lot of the following diagnoses, I do not claim to be an expert on any of them and do not intend for this to be used as a diagnostic tool. if you feel any of these are offensive/inappropriate, please message me and I’m happy to talk about it :) this is more just to encourage broader disability representation within the fandom!)

Edwin: autistic, PTSD (from hell), chronic pain/fibromyalgia (from his death/hell), minor visual impairment (not enough to need the hard-to-come-by testing needed for glasses when he was alive and so assumed the various limits/effects were normal. was told otherwise by Niko), would’ve had shingles if lived long enough

Charles: ADHD, PTSD (from his father/growing up in an abusive household), dyslexia, Reynaud’s syndrome (either already born with it or as a result of his death—both angsty), was in the beginning stages of an ED prior to his death, post-concussion syndrome, near-sightedness (never given glasses bc he wasn’t about to tell his dad the board looked a little blurry sometimes)

Crystal: cPTSD (reminder that neglect is also abuse :), bipolar 1, IBS, endometriosis

Niko: autism, depression, POTS, hEDS, anxiety, sprite-induced agoraphobia, epilepsy, lactose intolerance

Monty: Depersonalization-derealization disorder, selective amnesia (this is not the first times Esther has messed with his form/killed and revived him, but the experience is traumatic and so his brain decides not to remember it), recurrent arrhythmia, synesthesia

Jenny: OCD, BPD, ED recovered, Celiac’s disease, diabetes type 1, anemia

TCK: autism, NPD, lactose intolerance, colourblind

Esther: chronic pain (I’m choosing to believe that the cane isn’t just for show!!), NPD, endometriosis

Tragic Mick: cPTSD, depression, HoH, arthritis, diabetes

(The Night Nurse , the Dandelion Sprites, and various other characters felt either too supernatural and/or not developed enough to assign anything to lmao)

[la-guns]

got my hands on another og first pressing 🤍

[thirdtimed]

someone left a really good set of tags on the life series winner post but in essence i agree that while i like the watchers in theory as window dressing to the entire tragedy fueling this endless cycle of blood sports i think its a million times more intriguing and engaging for the truth of the matter to be that the lifers themselves are the reason for their own suffering. the watchers are just kind of there as an excuse for their own faults

[shuobox]

degrees of lewtidy but instead of getting your freak on its called degrees of radiation and you’re busy trying to survive against some evil ass monstrosity of flesh and toxic waste because Bailey thinks you’re a lazy bum who hasn’t brought back supplies in some time (robin is a few yards away trying to shove as many scraps and resources into a duffel bag as he can)

[jojosbizarresecondlife]

pretended that nothing loaded in so i could kick this baby with plausible deniability

[okkennymay]

It's been a very interesting year to say the least- those months still weren't 100% healthy but it was such a difference it was like living a different life, one not filled with constant dread and fear of the next monthly health episode.

It was unreal and I wish I'd made more use of of that time online while I had the chance, instead of being nervous of setting my body off and ruining a good thing going- but having past a new month my body completely imploding (only partially, which still sucks eggs), I can start to pick myself back up and keep going, hopeful once more! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

To all of you who have watched fade in and out of existence since my return online, Thank you for always being so patient 💖 my god was my previous username ghost-chicky ironic as hell, s2g it would be more appropriate these days than anything 0w0"

[silky-nereid]

⚖️ Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus || DARK CONTENT

translated : Let justice be done, and the world perish

Yandere Agency x Assassin! Reader

tw : experimentations, non-consensual tattooing, conditioning, drugging, murders, unhealthy behaviors, torture.

Yandere Agency who is known in the public for questionable acts but it’s mainly ‘good’ publicity because they have connections within every field but are known for their hidden program within the jail systems.

Yandere Agency who only targets inmates or people that don’t have a support system but it’s for the world’s own good because it would be noticeable if they had someone with a support system.

Yandere Agency who finds you when you’re at your lowest and have nothing—they offer the world and you accept every piece of it but they need to retrain you; strip you of what you know and scrape off the past version of yourself.

“Eighty-nine.” Her voice said,” We’ve scrubbed you clean of your past…”

Her blue rubber gloves adjusted the straps on your chair, tightening the one that held your aching head straight. Her hands wiped your sternum, aching as the tears dribbled down your face.

“You must understand that this is for the greater good.” She tightened the gag on your mouth. “We are going to give you the world if you just behave but attempt to escape the facility—I thought you were smarter than that.”

The echoing buzzing of the tattoo needle and the muffled screams that tried to escape your lips; every line across your sternum felt as if the needle was piercing into your heart rather than skin.

“Stop squirming,” she scolded. “You’re going to mess me up…”

She continued the carving of ink into your sternum while she nudged the radio with her elbow.

“You don’t speak often,” she said. “I bet you have a lovely voice…Well, you have this mark on you and the device somewhere in your body—You’re good to go after I finish..”

She continued.

Yandere Agency who doesn’t coddle you rather they make you fend for yourself again but they have their eyes on you no matter what—they always double the doses because you always have trouble sleeping since you believe something is watching you.

Yandere Agency who seems to place you in public missions before other new people in your sector but the missions are simple; eliminating targets so you can return to their open arms. They always provide you with clothes that you need to help blend in within the mission—they make fake histories and names.

Yandere Agency who has a grading system for every single person and they will give out rewards that can range from objects to houses or sometimes money too but the punishments can also range from purposely faulty weapons to a slow denial of access to missions or a more harsher method of retraining till they remember.

You looked at the closed file in front of you as the target was someone that you never expected it to be since it was your previous handler.

You felt the smile etched itself on your lips—now he was the criminal in the colorful eyes of the Monarda agency. This mission was yours, nobody else from the other sectors could be assigned to it as normally it would be a free for all that always ended up with more dead agents that needed to be liquidated from the files.

“Well, you must be saddened at this update from him.” She smiled; her dimples showed. “He cannot be spreading false information about us. You know what you need to do, right?”

“Of course, Ms. Gilis,” you replied.

“Good.” Her gloved hands handed you a briefcase. “Eliminate him before midnight and payment will be doubled.”

You nodded.

Yandere Agency who always has the best from Sector eight do missions that involve former members out of fear that they still have confidential documents that they obviously have taken without authorization which fuels their hands since they always offer more in return but they will be stricter.

Yandere Agency who coddles you to the point any moment without their strict eyes—feels unusual and uncomfortable which they always have you say a crude poem of what to do when caught by ordinary enforcements or opposite agencies but you know when they are watching you as it’s familiar and somewhat soothing to your controlled mind that they cradled.

Yandere Agency who hardly has handlers for you because you’re one of the best trade assassins in Sector eight which means you get the occasional special mission that always comes at a price in case you fail to Monarda’s disappointment because they had such high hopes for you.

It had been so long to feel the soft sunlight across your skin — walls were painted white alongside clothes.

The only color that you knew that existed was red for blood since you had gnawed your nails to the point of aches and blood dribbling down your forearm. You walked towards the steel door that was painted white, fingertips running over the bolts— day or night yet your eyes could never shut.

The light was visible underneath your eyelids—seeing the veins while your eyes were open. The familiar noises mechanisms of the steel door unlocking, jingling of keys and the smell of perfume—Gillis’ perfume.

“Have you learned your lesson?” Her arms were crossed. “It has not been that long for you besides you needed this. Just like we need you.”

Her footsteps echoed throughout the white room, tugging you up and walking through the gray hallway passed the lines of steel doors and the muffled ramblings of those inside.

Her hands tightly held your wrists, feeling the soft skin tighten on the bones and your eyes looked at her face— warm light of the elevator highlighted her features. The pearl studs and thick fabric of her suit jacket and those eyes that stared down at you like you were something important rather than the supposed trash that the world had engraved itself in your skin.

“You know that we love you, right?” She said, “Do not fail me again.”

Yandere Agency who slowly builds you up again but it seems different—more isolated but it was fine because they care about you, this time and there was no interference from the world but they always deliver your meals on time every single day.

Yandere Agency who has more associates to reach out to you in case you are developing a guilty conscience despite the reconditioning to perform other isolated jobs than being an assassin.

Yandere Agency who fails to notice your deteriorating condition since it only matters if you’re completing the missions with perfection that they always adored till they send you on a mission that gives you a taste of something that you thought never existed anymore.

You adjusted your clothes while buttoning the yellow buttons of the bellhop’s uniform that you had taken. You pushed the metal luggage cart filled with suitcases, bags and shopping bags from the residents of the hotel.

You grabbed a suitcase, not caring about the rest while you walked over to the hotel room—unlocking the door and stepping inside. The hotel room was ordinary; one bed, cabinets and an open mini bar.

Hearing the echoing of ice breaking, you pointed the pistol at the target who was making a drink for themselves but you couldn’t pull the trigger—it was the same, right?

“You should put that down.” They poured the drink. “Have a drink, [Name]?”

A name—this name sounded so foreign now as it belonged to you, many years ago.

You sat down on one of the red stools, the pistol was placed on the left side while the cold drink touched your knuckles.

“[Name], what did they do to you?” Their eyes looked at you with something unfamiliar; concern. “You remember me, right?”

“No,” you replied. “You’re just a target that I need to get rid of.”

“This messed your head up,” they sighed. “I will give you a choice, [Name].”

“A choice?” You replied, “There’s no choice—I came here to murder you.”

“Then why don’t you shoot me with that pistol of yours?” They asked.

You gave no response—biting your inner cheek while looking at your pistol.

“I will give you a choice that you never had before.” They gently pushed the glass into your hand. “Drink this and I will get you your freedom—“

You winced, pulling out the intercom from your ear due to a sharp feedback—it rested on your shoulder yet the echoing of your handler’s voice became a distant noise to you.

“Or you can take that pistol and murder me,” they said. “It’s your decision, [Name].”

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

These Clone Wars headcanons take a turn at the end

I feel like the writers really dropped the ball on never showing us Anakin and Ahsoka attending a formal event because I feel like it would be hilarious 

Watching two hardened war heroes try and act like they haven’t seen all the horrors the universe has to offer is the equivalent of watching two possums stacked on top of each other trying to convince someone they’re human

I feel like they would both try to behave for Padme and Obi-Wan’s sake but at the same time they can't help but make fun of each other as they act “normal” while simultaneously hiding the fact that they’re talking shit about anyone and everyone in the room

These two dorks are just standing in a corner praying to anyone that will listen for these stuck-up silver spoon-suckling sleemos to leave them alone but unfortunately for them the rich never care to read the vibe so they’re stuck schmoozing

After being to a couple of formal events the two start to form escape plans to get out of being in boring conversations which include but are not limited to: Ahsoka acting like they’re playing her favorite song so they have to dance, them pretending as Obi-Wan called them over with the force but in actuality they just hide behind him while he acts like an adult, and last but certainly not least Ahsoka faking an allergic reaction 

That last one got them into some trouble cause in their haste they left Obi-Wan and Padme behind to deal with the confused and concerned public and they were less than pleased to find that Anakin abused his padawan’s allergies like this little did they know Ahsoka came up with that plan

I have a guttural feeling that Ahsoka’s been put in air jail sometimes by Rex but it’s mostly Anakin using the force to lift her off the ground because it’s the only thing that calms her down 

It surprised her to find out that he stole the idea from Obi-Wan it was more surprising to find out he wasn’t entirely patient with Anakin during the first couple of years of his apprenticeship but the thing that didn’t surprise her was the fact that Anakin was a feral little brat who bit hard when he was frustrated 

There was one time when the trio were sent on a mission and it wasn’t a pleasant one to say the least which naturally resulted in them being sleep deprived which usually leads to them being very snappy towards each other

One day Anakin and Ahsoka got into a less-than-friendly shoving match which was likely going to escalate into a full-blown fight before Obi-Wan lifted them both and the uncharacteristic abuse of the force caused the duo to laugh their asses off 

Obi-Wan doesn’t like thinking of that moment cause it feels like a petty step back in his growth but the duo silently thinks that moment was hilarious and still laugh about it years later 

Anakin doesn’t always use the force to reprimand Ahsoka sometimes they act like the stupid teenagers they are and use it for reckless fun and by that I mean one day Ahsoka got an idea and begged Anakin to use the force to toss her as high as he could

He denied her request for a while even with her assuring him that if anything went wrong she could just catch herself when that approach wasn’t working she poked at his pride making little comments that he probably couldn’t toss her higher than his head

So with an admittedly bruised ego and still slight hesitation he agreed and the second her feet were back on the ground she begged him to do it again funny enough it became a kind of game/training for the duo

It helped with Anakin’s stamina and Ahsoka’s reaction time cause unfortunately being the chosen one doesn’t make someone perfect and he did drop her a couple of times but it didn’t matter much cause she caught herself

As the duo got older they started taking turns launching each other like a weird force see-saw but one day the jig was up cause the twins caught them doing this weird little game and demanded a turn

They agreed but the twins never got past the duo’s waste which didn’t matter cause Padme scolded them anyway and the two promised to never do it again with the twins around 

Anakin and Ahsoka are both deeply sentimental people I know this in my soul which results in their shared quarters being cluttered with a whole bunch of stuff 

Anakin’s stuff makes more sense cause it’s basically gifts from Padme and Obi-Wan or random projects that never worked out but he could never justify throwing away

Ahsoka on the other hand is an absolute goblin and will hoard anything and everything that feels special like 3D glasses from the singular time she and Anakin could see a holo in theaters, or a random rock from Naboo, a ribbon from a dress Padme gave her that she outgrew, and a thank you note from the kids on Mandalor 

You know the things that most people would describe as useless or junk but she keeps them scattered all over their quarters nonetheless well she did before someone got wind that she was doing this and advised her against it cause it’s against the Jedi code

She agreed with them so she stuffed all of it in a box and right before she could toss it they were sent on a mission and when she got back she didn’t have the energy to get rid of it so she just shoved it to the back of her closet 

And then she started collecting trinkets again and stored them all in the box that she lovingly refers to as the “box o’ shit” in her mind until one day the box literally wouldn’t close with all the stuff stored inside

And out of the blue the guilt she first felt when she was reprimanded came flooding back tenfold and she made a vow to toss it out the next day but every time she tried it just ended with tears in her eyes

Until one day she came home from a truly terrible solo mission to find a chest in the middle of her room and when she asked Anakin about it all he said was “Oh it’s for your stuff I figured you’d need a new one by now”

She needed no clarification of what stuff he was talking about and she didn’t know how to ask him politely how he knew she ignored sage advice while she knew she should feel embarrassed for being so obvious or guilty all she felt was loved 

So she squeezed the ever-loving force out of the one person who just got her and smiled as he squeezed her back just as tight without commenting on the twin puddles on the front of his robes 

[lovers-instead]

Sasakoi anime character designs from the official website! Airs April 13, 2024

[majorasnightmare]

thinking about isobel and ketheric, and my durge and ketheric, and isobel and my durge

like ketheric whos entire personality is centered around being a failed father, dirge who lives solely and exclusively for a father who does not love him, isobel being horribly violated for the sake of fatherly love in the name of a person shell never be again like excuse me this trio of people makes me go insane

ketheric and dirge like!! zealot recognizes zealot, ketheric knows what its like to be devoted wholeheartedly to a god who will discard you and thats explicitly why he has a businesslike relationship with myrkul, who KNOWSSS ketherics heart isnt in it but doesnt care, ketheric who never fully believed in the absolute plan but carried it out nonetheless, ketheric who nonsensically traded the death of the world for his daughters life, who in reality most likely traded his afterlife for isobels life, knowingly condemning himself to never see melodia again, to an eternity of torture at myrkuls hands, just so isobel can breathe again. dirge knowing with perfect clarity his own father would never do that for him. ketheric knowing that kind of hopeless devotion and willful blind ignorance leads to a kind of iron will that makes dirge genuinely dangerous but pitying the poor fool nonetheless because despite dirges clear intelligence and skill, despite his overwhelmingly obvious power, hes shackled to a self destructive idiot whod bite off his own arm just to spite the world who couldnt give a single fuck about dirges mental state or how that affects achieving bhaals OWN goals and fulfilling his OWN desires, because ketheric understands perfectly well a god will be stupid and selfish first and reasonable and measured second. dirge hating ketheric not just for being a wishywashy traitor who cant settle on something to be devoted to, but because ketheric has the shit figured out. its a zero sum game. theres no winning, only different types of losers, and embracing that truth means acknowledging his entire life has been a pointless self destructive waste that will never give him the satisfaction and actualization dirge craves, so its easier and more stable to just interpret ketheric as a coward. except hes going to kill himself for isobel. going to go through hell for her. theres a level of devotion and love and care there that dirge has only experienced once in his life and the memory of it is enough to drive him to madness, but despite it all ketheric IS competent. is level and measured and powerful and capable of looking past his own self interest to the far horizon of victory, is tactical and clever and willing to wade into the fray. so dirge hates, and admires, and envies, and pities, and reflexively seeks out and avoids ketheric in equal measure. wants to carve him up until he finally breaks, screaming for a god that wont hear him as just rewards for his insolence (because dirges loyalty will SURELY be rewarded, loyalty to his god and to his father, certainly), cant stand the idea of working alongside anyone else, hates being around him but hates doing things without him, falling into old habits of depravity just to get away from the cacophany of emotion and the introspection it tries to trigger.

and then ketheric is doing all of this for someone who doesnt really exist. the isobel he wants to revive isnt real. its a version of her thats stripped hollow of the things that make her, HER. he wants an isobel that doesnt love aylin, he wants an isobel that is content to remain in place and be protected by him, where he was the center of her world. he wants an isobel that hasnt existed for over a century. he wants an isobel like he remembers thinking of the days before melodia died. its why despite everything he gives up for her, if ketheric gets his hands on isobel he tadpoles her. the tadpoles are just a convenient tool for cutting away the unnecessary parts of a person, things they dont need and wont want afterwards. isobel mourns the father she had after her mother died, but ketheric wants the isobel she used to be when melodia was still present in their lives. the isobel after melodia died eventually left him for aylin. grew up and became a person outside of their small family and community. had interests and desires and goals that took her away from him. she doesnt need aylin, doesnt need anything besides family. thats whats important, thats whats worth ruining lives over. everything after isobel was just a failed copy, not even worth reminiscing over. everyone beyond isobel doesnt matter. desecrate the family tomb, abuse your son, drag your aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters out from the grave just to see if it works, if it sticks, because the whole world revolves around a little girl who stopped existing long before she died, because she became someone else someone new and left you floundering alone. youll get them back even if it means you burn in hell forever, those few precious moments are worth it, itll all be worth it, its already worth it. kill yourself kill the world because the only god worth dying for is the one found in between poorly scratched letters on a paper rotting from age that say "love you papa, -I T". live every day with the smoke and the rot knowing that your father loved you so much he cant even look at who you are now. live every day knowing its a gift you cant return to a man who doesnt see you, knowing that all youll ever have are ghosts that seek to hollow you out and play pretend with the shell. hes awful. hes horrible. hes a monster. hes your dad and he loves you so much its killing you. will kill you. has killed you. has killed everything you could ever want in your life. hes your dad. he read you stories when you were small. kept you from falling apart when your mother died. your rock in stormy seas. he wants to read you another story. its dark outside. its scary. this story has a happy ending. its just for you. the girl in the picture book has your name but doesnt look like you at all. its written in silver blood. theres an ache that wont leave, a rot that refuses to mend, a scar that wont close, and its all for love

thinking about dirge being the one to drag isobel from her coffin, to bring her back for the sake of sealing a pact that will end the world, going against his entire religion the whole reason for his existence just for the sake of fulfilling his own fathers dreams. children living at the behest of their parents, denied death for their fathers selfish whims. isobel autopsied and opened, layers peeled back. gortash and ketheric never exhumed a body, never prepared it for the grave, never made such an intimate study of death. gortash unwilling to bloody himself unnecessarily, ketheric unwilling to look past the deathmask to see isobels interior, so its dirge, it has to be him, the only one willing to bite down his own desires for the greater good. an unforgivable violation of autonomy, but the only one who thinks of it as such is the scion of the murder god. she cant consent. she cant choose to be apart of this, to sacrifice herself for a cause greater than herself. he has to inflict this upon her. life is suffering and madness and delusion. death is peace, and he is the holy vessel of transition from one state to the other. this? this is blasphemy. she has already fled this horrid blighted world for a better one, and here he is participating in blasphemous ritual. its for the sake of their plan, its for the sake of enacting his fathers dreams (as all children know, you are naught but a vessel to achieve the goals they could not in their time), but she cannot even take glory in the knowledge of her sacrifice, cannot even know she is a sacrifice until its too late to go back. carves open and peels back the picturesque skin, preserved by gloom and arid darkness and sealed stone to keep away the rot. peeling away the mask of Isobel Thorm to see the visceral rotting insides of a person ketheric cant stand to see.

clearing away the ruin and decay so something new can take its place. corpses are objects fled of souls, no longer a person, no longer anything and thus free to toy and play with as boredom and curiosity desires, but this is not a thing. this will again be a person, a vessel to trap someone inside of, to force them to suffer and persist and delude and live and he cant even ask if shell do it. do it to help him break the world and put an end to this madness forever. cant convince her of the rightousness of it, the necessity of it, cant help but use her for it. to gortash she is a token exchanged for power, to ketheric she is a snapshot of a better world he wants to go back to, but only here on this dirty bloodstained table with a bhaalspawn elbow deep in her organs is she a person, whos autonomy and personhood is being irrevocably violated. his nature is to free them of these shackles, to snip the cords and revel in the ensuing destruction, and here he is binding her again. the humiliation, the horror, of being set loose from this hellscape only to be brought back. to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back into living. to be subject to such awful blasphemy. here in the dark and the quiet where there is no voice to speak back to him, when there is no rushing blood or beating hearts to call forth his purpose, there and then does armageddons prophet desire forgiveness, only in this shadowed purgatory can someone truly see. when all the world lies dead at my feet, i will beg forgiveness from no one but you. lamb on the altar, holy blood, if such desecration was not necessary for the cleansing of suffering, i would never deign to subject you to it. to you alone do i tender my apologies, my blessed father may forgive this sin in light of the retribution it will call forth, but cruel fate has chosen you without your knowledge to bear this disgusting violation, and the only salve i can offer is that, gods willing, you will not suffer long. to live in a world that could give rise to something like me is a torture i would not wish upon anyone, and for the sake of my father i inflict it upon you nonetheless. when you rise, my only thoughts will be of murder, holy and pure. but here in the dark, when you are at peace and i am not, i think of you, and what youd want, and how no one would ever, COULD ever, ask for what i do to you here. here in the quiet i breathlessly whisper a prayer meant only for your ears, a second sin i cannot stop myself from committing, here where you cannot hear me but God surely can, a wish that i will surely pay for dearly, a punishment i endure willingly and without complaint, a smallest fraction of the torment i knowingly inflict upon you. i live, and soon so shall you, and for that, i will never know peace.

im so sorry. i did it for love

[plushie-lovey]

I shouldn't really be ordering anything buuut I had to get this adorable friend

They just arrived in the mail! They were only about $20 before fees, which was an amazing price given Green Earth Puppies usually cost anywhere from $60-100.

But now that they're here I can understand why. They're a bit dirty, especially on one foot, and their fur feels a little worn. They were definitely a loved friend. And now they'll be loved in their new home! But first, a bath :D

Also I really need help with name suggestions!!