#idk if I wanna make them male female enby or what

[plushie-lovey]

I shouldn't really be ordering anything buuut I had to get this adorable friend

They just arrived in the mail! They were only about $20 before fees, which was an amazing price given Green Earth Puppies usually cost anywhere from $60-100.

But now that they're here I can understand why. They're a bit dirty, especially on one foot, and their fur feels a little worn. They were definitely a loved friend. And now they'll be loved in their new home! But first, a bath :D

Also I really need help with name suggestions!!

[red-velvet-0w0]

INTRO POST

post status: Free

Im just a silly little person with an ocean obsession who lives in your phone.

My names are Erin/Eris/Eve/Jess/Red (Erin or Eris is preferred, but I'm fine with any of them)

She/They preferred, but you can call me anything so long as it is NOT he/him (on the same note, if you call me man/dude/bro/guy I will flood your house)

Im a minor (17 years old), and am enby/trans, poly, and a Massive Lesbian, and also probably demiromantic? idk about that last one im still trying to figure that out

im definitely neurodivergent but im not entirely sure what all I have going on up in here (definitely undiagnosed ADHD, probably a lot of other things too)

American/Californian

If you're a terf, a homophobe, or a pedophile: go away please okay? Otherwise pretty much anybody is welcome here so long as you arent hurting anybody

Im pro-palestine

Im an artist, animator, and a game designer (i have a youtube and an itch.io page but neither of them have much on them) (im uh. not quite as good at finishing projects as i am at starting them)

I have an alt account @red-gamedev-0w0 which is where i post about games im working on.

my DMs, asks, and anons are always open if you wanna be silly, and honestly it really makes my day when i get a message. boundaries and norms for talking to me are at the very bottom

i have a silly little OC universe im hoping to turn into a webcomic eventualy (hopefully)

I AM VERY STRONGLY AGAINST AI ART. (and just. generative AI in general) (yes that includes chat gpt and character AI)

I am... incredibly normal about the ocean. I have healthy and reasonable emotions I feel when i think about it. dont question why "erins ocean posting" is one of my most used tags its totaly healthy trust me (is it a religious thing? a sexual thing? a gender thing? you will literaly never know)

The fandoms im in are: Tiger Tiger, Roblox Pressure (Sebastian Solace), Aurora Webcomic, The Killers, Tom Cardy, The Mechanisms, Life Series, Hermitcraft, Parkour Civ, Mineraft, Marble Hornets, Terraria, Hollow Knight, Celeste, Hades, Camp Here And There, Murder Drones, The Magnus Podcasts, Epic the Musical, Hello From the Hallowoods, Witherburn After School News, Dont Hug Me Im Scared, The Locked Tomb, Hatchetfield, Centaurworld, Amphibia, Epithet Erased, Kid Vampire, and Bigtop Burger (+ a few more but those are the ones you'll see the most of) (Red means highly likely to post about it, purple means very unlikely to post about it often)

#1 Killers fan (their best album is Sams Town and the best song is Bones and thats a fact)

i also sometimes rant about spanish literature sometimes but thats a rare occasion

I really, really hate Dantes Inferno and the Sierpinski triangle

Id love to be friends, enemies, or really anything in between if you let me.

Tags I use (in case you want to block them):

#erins cryptic ramblings (generic tag)

#erins ocean posting (for ocean related posts)

#axe and erins dnd bullshit (for when im talking about dnd with one of my mutuals)

#the forever day (my OCs/potentialy hopefully a webcomic im working on??? hopefully well see how far that goes)

#erin answers asks (self explanitory)

#erin talks about life /#erin rants about life (also self explanitory)

#erins tumblr ad saga (my compilation of all the worst ads this hellsite has to offer)

BOUNDERIES, NORMS, AND RULES OF THUMB FOR TALKING TO ME:

No horny/vaguely sexual messages unless 1) we are friends, 2) you are under 18, and 3) you have asked me directly in the past whether i am comfortable with that sort of thing or are otherwise aware that i am comfortable with you talking to me like that

Avoid using male terms as much as possible (ie. guy, dude, man, bro), and id prefer avoiding gendered terms as much as possible, but when you have the choice female terms are prefered (ie. girl). i may refer to myself using male gendered terms from time to time but that does not give you permision to

Do not EVER use the r-slur on me.

Do not EVER say "KYS" or anything of that nature to me, even as a joke

If you send me hate mail of any kind i will either just delete it or if ill just mock you. nothing you can say will ever be as hateful as the stuff my brain says to me on a daily basis so dont bother

If i say i dont want to talk about something, i dont want to talk about it.

Nicknames and terms of endearment (ie. dear, love, bestie) are fine from friends, so long as you have cleared with me that I am fine with you calling me that

I have a tendancy to be VERY flirty with some of my friends, but just know that i almost certainly mean it entirely platonicaly, unless i specificaly tell you i mean it in a different way. Even something like "i want to make out with you" can be platonic coming from me, so in general dont assume im flirting with you (likewise if you ARE actualy flirting with me be warned that I will not realize in the slightest and you will have to be very clear that you are actualy flirting because there is no other way i will ever know)

If i am saying something nice to you, it is genuine. period. i would never lie to you about something like that. if i tell you i care about you, its not out of pity or out of some strange malice. its because i care about you

you are ALWAYS welcome and encouraged to talk to me, especialy if you are feeling sad or at risk of hurting yourself. Even if we have barely talked, if you need somebody to talk to or rant to I am always here for you.

And that’s about it!

Nice to meet you!

[rainbeausobsessions]

Literally no one asked so I'm building my Sonic HC Library

Shadow

100% vibing with him being autistic

no wonder I must protec

Gives off he/they enby, but I also don't think he's thought much about it one way or the other, he just feels like he knows who he is and that's valid

Panromantic, may or may not be demisexual.

He has a type(tm) and it's Maria, I mean, the beaniest of beans, I mean, 'the gentle and hopeful and somehow still fully in love with the world despite being forced to face with the cruelest realities of it' type

(he'd probably hear silver's backstory and just suddenly fall madly in love because this bean is such a bean despite everything he's gone through)

(does this count as demiromantic (probably))

Bruh would feel so awkward with a crush but he'd probably seem mostly normal except to people who knew him pretty well (Rouge, and then she'd tease him for it), and he'd get so flustered if they ever tried to make a move on him like 'what are you doing' + internal panic

Looks like he's totally in control, but if he ever gets his own place it will be an absolute disaster cuz our boi don't know shit

Asking him for polyamory would probably result in "whatever, just spend time with me"

They'd probably get overprotective in physically dangerous situations tho

Sonic

Vibing with the transman fanon rn

I'd say he's on T if it wasn't for the fact that our boi couldn't stay in a single city to save his life

He has a type(tm) and it's Sally Acorn, uh I mean, 'the confident and self-assured but somehow still conscientious leader's type

(I can see him with some of the newer versions of Amy, considering her character growth so far)

(oh look, another demiromantic)

Man can't stick around long enough to keep a long term monogamous relationship tho, so he'd be a comet in a thousand different QPRs

Maybe he's relationship anarchist, idk but it makes sense

Definitely a solo poly guy tho. He's his own primary.

Silver

FEMBOY

My boi deserves all the love

Would probably come back from the future at some point and then just keep delaying going back to the future because all his friends are in the past and he's so lonely

(oh no, can't go back to the future, accidentally started a family in the past, whatever will I do *lives the rest of his life in happiness and adventure*)

is giving he/they/she

Espio

Transmasc goth boi

(I love him)

Seems like he's pretty stable and self-assured. Would probably be really polite and attentive as a partner. Would absolutely just ask his crush out on a date, cuz again, he's in a good place.

(and if he didn't he knows that Vector would stage an intervention for him)

Rouge the Bat

Ngl she's giving transfem/mtf vibes

Absolutely loves messing with people. Probably partly why it's so hard to pin down what her moral compass is, she *likes* keeping people guessing

Can't do that with Shadow tho, they may have even gotten in an argument about it at one point

She still loves him tho, Shadow's a found brother/sibling

Charmy Bee

Baby trans boy

I imagine his Big Brother(tm) Espio started sharing his experiences as a trans guy and Charmy was like "GASP, THAT'S ME!!"

(Someone pointed out to me that female honey bees have stingers and not males, so now it's headcanon)

Vector

Unfortunately I can't not see him as the token cishet guy in Sonic's friend group

Probably gets some loving flack about it ("when's your shell gonna crack, big guy" "you sure you don't wanna check out men? I met a really sweet guy at the bar the other day")

May have a reputation for adopting gays.

Might not suddenly be housing them, but he'd absolutely send random care packages

(is this why you're always in debt, buddy)

Definitely has bi wife energy (his wife being Vanilla (eventually))

(more to come, probably, eventually)

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

What tf is my gender??

Sorry that was aimed more at myself not you you don't have to tell me you probably can't tell me

Idk I feel like I have male soup and enby soup poured together but the percentages sometimes change?? Idk

*cracks knuckles* Aight lads we’ve got a classic case of male enby soup get out the LGBTA wiki i’ve got this

Okay I think I know what you need man dw it’s gonna be ok i gotchu ur in good hands here :)

Remember that only way of being trans is being yourself! Don’t force urself to present in a way you dislike, don’t force urself to be a gender u aren’t, don’t force urself to do anything 

Labels are second priority, your happiness comes first. Be happy and everything will fall into place.

Fuck exclus and gatekeepers use the names/pronouns/present however makes u happy!! Be happy!

Don’t force yourself into labels that don’t fit. You’re not supposed to fit labels, labels are supposed to fit you.

There’s nothing wrong with not having a label or using only umbrella labels!

Feel free to experiment with labels! Live your life for one day and say “I am [gender],” try it out for a day or so and see how it feels!

Labels are like sweaters, you can try them on for a bit and see which one is comfiest!

“What makes me happy?” and “what makes me feel truest to myself?” are better questions than “what am I?”

The goal of gender questioning isn’t to find a label, it’s to make yourself happy—whether having a ton of microlabels, a few umbrella labels or just going unlabelled!

It’s okay to have “contradictory” labels as long as you aren’t hurting anyone

And last of all, take your time. You don’t have to find a label tomorrow or today. It’s okay. Don’t rush, take a deep breath. Maybe you’ll find labels, maybe you won’t! And that’s okay! Live your life and be happy, that’s all that matters

Literally just be happy and be urself everything will fall into place bro <3

Some labels u might wanna check out!!

Genderfaun (click for link to wiki page)

Genderfaun is a form of genderfluidity that never encompasses female or feminine genders. 

Genderfaun individuals can be fluid between any range of masculine genders, unaligned genders (such as aporagender), or genderlessness (such as agender), but never any feminine genders. Some may consider genderfaun to be a non-feminine subset of genderfluid.

Boyflux (click for link to wiki page)

Boyflux, also known as manflux or guyflux, is a gender under the genderflux umbrella describing someone whos male gender fluctuates in intensity. 

This typically involves feeling strongly masculine sometimes and weakly masculine at other times. Boyflux individuals can fluctuate from feeling completely without gender to completely masculine or male. In between those extremes, one may feel slightly masculine, to half masculine, to mostly masculine—but not fully—, or any other amount of masculinity. 

And remember, you can always use nonbinary as an umbrella term :DD If you’re not 100% always solely a binary gender you can use the term nonbinary :DDDD

And also here is a list of masc genders if you wanna check out some more labels!! If you send me a more detailed desc of ur gender I can dig up more labels (if u want!! if not it’s fine :DDD)

So yeah bestie just be happy and be urself and it’ll all fall into place!! Sending my love <3 I wish u luck with questioning!!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

[im-the-punk-who]

Idk if ur the right person to send this to so feel free to ignore if you aren't but I'm beginning to realize that I might be a trans guy after years of thinking I'm enby and I'm really struggling with that? I've received a lot of the messages over the years about how men are bad and violent and I've also experienced a lot of gender based violence before I was out. I know intellectually that there's nothing wrong with manhood and yet I'm still really struggling. Idk do you have any thoughts on learning to accept your own manhood

Okay! Sorry this took a few days to answer but this is...definitely still a complicated thing for me, too.

First off I wanna say that whether you end up identifying as a binary trans man or somewhere in between that and nonbinary, that is very cool and valid and all of this can apply no matter where on the spectrum of masculinity you ultimately end up falling.

I saw a post which explains the basic thesis of what I'm gonna say, which is that your gender does not equal your morality. 

Tumblr in particular really likes to go hard on the misandry and it can be really hard not to internalize that. Especially when it comes in the form of so many jokes, and especially especially when some of it does line up with experiences you’ve had. The biggest thing to realize, is that just *being a man* doesn't make you inherently violent or toxic or bad. All of the things that Tumblr and feminism in general tends to equate to “being a man = bad” are things that are learned or encouraged over time, no matter how much terfs like to insist they are traits inherent in being born with a y chromosome. 

(And yes, these misandry arguments ALL have their basis in gender essentialism and in arguing why trans people can’t exist.)

As this relates to trans men, it becomes akin to walking a tightrope our entire lives. In both society at large and LGBT spaces we're made to fit as close as possible into gender norms to avoid violence or oppression(or the insistence we’re really just lesbians or self-hating cishets). But we also have first hand experience of the ways in which men are *socialized* to behave being harmful and don’t want to perpetuate them and be labeled a ‘bad person’. So we have to constantly walk this line of, I suppose trying to act manly enough while also trying not to cause waves (And, AS A NOTE, does that sound eerily similar to the argument most feminists say is purely a feminine experience? Is it almost like the very system that seeks to free cis women through hatred of men perpetrates those exact same systems onto other marginalized communities?)

And I will say, this is something I still struggle with. A lot. It's not going to be something you can take a magic pill for and never have to worry about again. I started transitioning almost a decade ago and I'm still trying to find the balance. Cis men can spend their *whole lives* trying to find that balance. I know quite a few - in case it feels like this is a purely trans experience. Reckoning with the way that male privilege has socialized men to harm at the same time radical feminism has socialized everyone it can that all men intentionally cause harm is a universal experience among men who are aware of it. 

It's not easy, and I guess just...if you feel like you're struggling on that front as you continue your gender journey(Laynie i hate you i hate you i hate you) try to remind yourself that you're not alone. And that what you’re fighting against is a systemic socialization, not something inherent in yourself. You’re going to screw up - that doesn't make you a bad person or a bad man.

I listen a lot to Brene Brown. 

I know people are probably sick of hearing me talk about her, but she is a shame researcher who honestly helped me a LOT in realizing why I was feeling so bad about parts of my personality or my gender expression. She’s excellent. If you find you’re having a lot of trouble reckoning with being this thing you have perceived as bad for a very long time, I highly recommend listening to some of her ted talks and other speeches. Most of them are on youtube. 

For a long time I was trying to base my gender off of what I thought people would love. I went over the top, dressed in popular styles, was WAY more feminine than I actually feel, and tried to make myself as unassuming as possible - in part because of childhood trauma but also because I was genuinely ashamed to be a man(particularly a gay man) because I had internalized the idea that men - especially gay men - were woman-haters. (And, because I hated *myself* as a woman, I thought that I also hated women, and I thought that I must be one of those Bad Gays.)

But once I stopped trying to do that? Once I was like ‘no I’m actually a gay-up man’ and stopped berating myself for not liking my feminie body and hating the parts of myself that I didn’t identify with but felt forced to perform? Once I started looking at what made *me* happy and not other people? It became so much easier to not feel those things. 

SO I guess, what I’m saying is that the best way to deal with internalized misandry is to try to forgive yourself, and recognize that the things that men perpetrated against you and that people say are ‘toxic male traits’ are not *inherent* to being a man. They are things that are taught to men(both cis and trans) by society. And also that like, these are also things that are not just inherent to men. Any toxic trait that a man exhibits a woman can too - and yeah there’s a discussion about how the general power imbalance between men and women makes it less likely a woman would cause as much damage but honestly? If you’re on tumblr you’re most likely in female dominated spaces where arguably that isn’t true, especially with the number of fucking TERFS on this website. 

Also....you do not inherit cismale privilege just by identifying as a man. No matter how far you take your transition, you are *always* going to be at a different level of privilege from a cisman. Even if you transition as far as you are able to right now and live and pass as a cisman for the rest of your life, you are not a cisman and that is going to affect how you move through the world.

(That doesn’t mean you are not a *man* because you are not cis, btw. Just that there are things that cismen don’t have to worry about that are going to affect your life - things like ovarian cancer, breast cancer, hormonal dependence, corrective abuse, medical shortages, physical differences that out transpeople - there are a hundred things that trans men have to experience throughout their lives that cismen are never, ever going to deal with. And yes, this goes for transwomen / cis women as well.)

Something that helped me become comfortable living as a man was to look at specific traits of the men in my life. Why did I feel comfortable around this man, but not others, what red flags physically or emotionally did this behavior set off in me? And then focusing on those specific *behaviors* rather than the men themselves. If you can separate the individual traits from an overarching idea of 'manhood' that might be helpful in feeling like you can inhabit manhood without being toxic. 

Basically, my best advice is to tell yourself that what makes you a man does not make you inherently toxic. In fact what makes *all* men, men, does not make them inherently toxic. Men are not trash just because they’re men, and the fight against misandry *is* a fight for marginalized people. It hurts transmasculine people in exactly the ways you are hurting. No matter what TERFs say - no matter what male-critical or whatever they’re calling themselves to not have to call themselves TERFs say - men are not born evil, or bad, or trash. 

Toxic masculinity is a learned behavior. It is not something you are given the day you start identifying as a man, and it is not something you have to perpetuate. 

Calling it anything else does a disservice to everyone who identifies as masculine of center but especially trans men, who have to reckon with this exact knowledge that in affirming who they are, certain people are going to hate them and call them monsters and tell them they are trash and unworthy of loving without hurting. 

And that shit just isn’t true. It isn’t fucking true! Men are not toxic just because they are men, and you are not a bad person just because you are a transman. That’s, I suppose, the best advice I can offer you. I hope it helps, and I also just want to reiterate that I hope you find affirmation in whatever you end up deciding. <3 <3 <3

[ringdonuts]

Thanks @liindalang for getting me off my bed and to my desk where I can actually do some work xD

Rules: Answer 30 questions about yourself and tag 20 others you wanna know more about 😊

1. Name/Nickname: Jess

2. Gender: female

3. Star Sign: Pisces

4. Height: 5″7

5. Time: 12:46

6. Birthday: 02/03

7. Favorite bands/groups: ummmmm FOB, Bastille, and then I like Clean Cut Kid a lot, also Bad Suns

8. Favorite solo artist: I doooon’t think I have one... I literally only listen to bands with male vocalists xD

9. Song stuck in my head: Somehow nothing- this question is making numerous songs flow through my brain but none of them are stuck

10. Last Movie: Watched bedknobs and broomsticks last night... it was interesting

11. Last Show: girfriends

12. When did I create this blog: oh god i was in yr 9 maybe sooooo 5? 6? years ago? Its been a long time

13. What do I post: i reblog mostly textposts that amuse me

14. Last thing I Googled: Well it wasnt google cos i was on a03 butttt ‘Felicia Hardy/ Cindy Moon’... i may be a lil obsessed maybe

15. Other blogs: I have 2 sideblogs but they dont get used xD one was for saing posts cos they get lost on this blog with the amount i like and reblog, and the other was because i was hiding from someone and didnt want them to know when I was online..

16. Do I get asks: ummmmmm i dont think so i dont really checkkkk. hopefully not otherwise oof thats rude

17. Why I chose my URL: I was a teenager and I loved donuts.. jam donuts doesnt have a good ring sooooo... ring donuts it was

18. Following: 225

19. Followers: 421 apparently... i think theres a lot of dead blogs and pornbots in there tho

20. Average hours of sleep: immmmm i aim for 8 or 9 cos otherwise im a nightmare to be around

21. Lucky number: 3 because im basic

22. Instruments: i enjoy singingggg. and i can play the guitar okay, and i like messing around on my dad’s bass guitar sometimes

23. What am I wearing: gross jeans, nice top, and the smell of smoke in my hair (If i turn it into a fashion accessory maybe ill be less annoyed by it)

24. Dream job: Working n theatre. its a scary dream given the tory england i live in but it would be cool. Otherwise doing something that helps people (but not a teacher or hospital person)

25. Dream trip: all holidays with friends are dream trips xD I wanna go somewhere v new though. oh and see some nice trees.

26. Favorite food: aaaaaaaaahhhh idk lets go with chocolate weetabix minis for rn

27. Nationality: british

28. Favorite song: noooo idea... i dont think theres one song thats my fave. Laughter lines by bastille still means a lot to me tho

29. Last book I read: ummmmm my sister read me some chapters of a book called ‘once upon a river’ which was great! and ive been reading silk (2016) if comics count

30. Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: ummmmmmmmmmmm okay Percy Jackson’s universe, I wanna meet Raina cos I’m in love with her.....animal crossing because can you just imagine your life being building things and having friends?!? andddd ya know what? Shrek. i would have a nice time in the shrek universe.

I taagggg @the-petite-lion @the-biochemist-feminist and @thegirlinthetardisat221b @an-enby-called-ro @forbaltimoer (miss you guysss) and if they wanna, @fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher

[thelowlysatsuma]

Ramble in whatever form you choose. I won’t be able to be active all the time so if you want to be able to do it whenever you want I’d say text posts but I’ll also try to occasionally ask you about them so there’s some variety

!!! okay! well i think i’ll choose a couple from the list that i haven’t made many posts about before (aka no ts or go) and ramble on here!

oof under the cut bc idk how long this will get

steven universe

oh hon don’t even get me STARTED on su like that shit? that shit is so good? okay first of all i love the cast so much? gosh they’re just all so sweet and cool and sometimes they collab w/ thomas sanders and i love rebecca sugar and im gonna cry they’re so sweet im so soft

okay SECONDLY the show itself oof

okay okay im just? god im so soft?? like the music is so good, i can (and do) watch it w/ my parents, GOD do i wanna cosplay pearl’s new outfit (and rainbow 2.0, if i can pull it off), im in love with the concept and all the fusions and the story and the worldbuilding and god, this made me realize my utter love and adoration of COLOURS like they’re so PRETTY im in LOVE oh my gOD and just

god it has such a good message and such a good plot and such good characters i wanna be steven’s friend i wanna be all of their friends oh man i just can’t wait until my baby cousins are old enough for me to show this to them because i’m going to enjoy that experience so much

ducktales

oh jfc where the fuck do i even start with ducktales okay david tennant as scrooge mcduck makes my fucking life literally he’sthe best goddamn charaacter in the show – well, best besides the triplets (my BOYS), webby (!!! my KID), f e n t o n (god i love that nerd), mark beaks (what an asshole), mrs beakley (i wanna be her when i grow up), launchpad (!!! he!!), and so many others??? this is like serious every character in the show erasure but hot damn duck tales says gay rights and it does so in style (oh yeah also i love lena della donald oh webby’s new friend whose name i forget uhhh herules oh the inventor guy fenton’s boss that dipshit love him uhhh gandra dee who’s voiced by jameela jamil if im not mistaken??????) and yeah it’s a hilarious show but it’s also just a really good one for me to watch whenever i start to like. feel empty inside?? but then like i’ll put on ducktales and i’ll feel better

gravity falls

this show. this show RUINED ME. i started watching it like four years late (aka last year lmao) but GOD, im so in love with it. def another one i wanna show my cousins.

like?? just??? the ciphers and mysteries appeal so much to me and my love of mystery and crime novels, the characters are all amazing, alex hirsch himself is just such a g?? and like. it’s so good. it hurts me so much but then it’s all okay in the end and it’s just. it’s so good.

yeah i sobbed my eyes out when i watched that series finale.

camp camp, which somehow i forgot on my other list

god, is this show hilarious. like, fuck is it funny. it’s so good. it’s so fucking good. i was a little shocked when i saw the first episode but i’m so into it now, and i’m so attatched to all the characters bc they’re just dumbasses trying their best (or worst, in a few cases) and i love them for it. that’s peak fool energy right there and it speaks to me

orphan black

okay okay okay veering now into a much darker type of television, orphan black is??? phenominal???

okay so my best friend @fuck-me-gently-with-a-slurpee got me into it when i was like 14 or 15 i think and i honestly cannot thank her enough because this show is incredible. the plot’s super engaging, i literally cannot say anything about it without giving away spoilers, and the main character has quite possibly the best actor i’ve ever seen playing her

like. you think thomas sanders is good? he ain’t got SHIT on tatianna maslany

mythbusters

you guys. you guys. mythbusters was my childhood. like seriously, i watched that show religiously.

it’s what first got me into science, and it’s what kept me interested in explosions. it’s light and funny and ridiculous and scientifically accurate in the dumbest ways possible. i swear to god the main cast nearly dies once an episode

these guys are my idols. like, i seriously cannot overstate how much i love the mythbusters. adam and jamie, tori, kari, and grant.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mythbuster when i grew up, and god damnit, i still do. they mean that much to me

bill nye

fun fact! i actually had no fuckin clue who bill nye was until seventh grade, when i had to watch an episode of his show for homework because i missed a day of class. it was the episode on static electricity, and i remember sitting at my dining room table in the dim winter afternoon light, squinting at my computer, and thinking “what the FUCK am i WATCHING?”

needless to say, i’ve seen more since then, but that initial what the fuckery is still present and i love it.

not only is bill nye the science guy a flippin fantstic show, but bill nye himself? the coolest guy alive. god, i love him. what a g.

various comedians including but not limited to john mulaney,john oliver, and hasan minhaj

okay, as a gay, i am legally required to love john mulaney, but seriously that guy is so. fuckin. funny that i can’t help myself. his timing is priceless, the way he moves onstage is hysterical, just. god i love his stuff.

literally his comedic timing and style is half the reason people find me funny. i just phrase my sentences the way he would because, you know, i’m good at stealing things, and people laugh, and i go “hey. that actually worked”. and then i keep doing it

next, john oliver. okay, so while i don’t watch his show religiously, i do watch it when my parents do every now and again, and fuck is his stuff funny. like. just. shit.

finally, hasan minhaj’s patriot act is just. one of my favourite current events comedy shows out there. it’s in a similar vein to john oliver’s stuff, just more international, and shit, is he good at what he does. i lvoe it.

hoodwinked the movie (i am dead serious)

okay, while i haven’t seen it in over four years, this is still my favourite movie of all time. it also has one of my favourite villain songs of all times, and some of the best character exchanges just. ever. especially with wolf and twitchy

...god, i love twitchy. also the goat. i’m probably gonna be the goat when i grow up, let’s be honest

one day at a time

i just.

there’s so much to say about odaat. like. it’s so funny. it makes me nearly cry every episode (and makes my mother actually cry every episode). the characters, god, the characters

like. alex is such a cute dumb kid (who’s smarter than he looks), penelope is so salty constantly and i love her but she’s genuinely so cool and such a good mom and i cry??? elena is so amazing like god she’s such a fuckin nerd but she’s also so salty (takes after her mom) and is literally the best????

and then there’s abuelita, whom i adore. like, god, rita moreno is SO cool and SUCH a great actress and has SUCH an amazing sense of comedic timing and GOD, i LOVE HER

can’t forget about syd and doc berkowitz, which like. okay first off the good doc. just. god i love the doc. he’s so sweet and such a genuinely good dude and he’s a bit of a coward at heart but that’s okay because he genuinely cares and does his best and god he’s just such an amazing character im !!!!! and then syd is such a dork and i love them and elena and god, it made me so happy to see not only an actual enby character on a big sitcom, but also just?? like??? it’s not forced but it’s still there??? like there’s one episode where one of the plots is just syd and elena trying to figure out what elena should call them, since neither of them are comfy using “girlfriend” for syd since they’re not a girl, and they finally agree on “significant other” and schneider imMEDIATELY says “dont you mean, SYDnificant other?” and then they use that for the REST OF THE SHOW IT”S SO CUTE OKAY

and finally, schneider. he might be my favourite character in the entire show (which is a damn hard list to pick from!!!), but he’s just. he’s so sweet, he and penelope have one of the absolute best male/female friendships i’ve ever seen (which! never! turns! romantic! ever!!!), he’s actually got surprising depths but he’s also like such a nice goofball that when they get revealed, it hurts, and he’s just this canadian dumbass (heyyyyy repreSENT) with the worst goddamn canadian accent sometimes and he’s a hipster and The Dumb Friend and the weird uncle all rolled into one and GOD, i love him so much

the good place and brooklyn 99

okay, i love these two both so, so much, but i’m lumping them together because a) they’re both mike schur shows with a similar sense of humour, that say gay rights, and with characters who’d definitely love each other if they met and b) my hand is getting tired from all this typing but i still have so much  love to go around!!!!

okay so so SO! they’re both so good. they’re so fucking funny and amazing and i was immediately hooked on both of their pilots. their characters are all so genuine and flawed and fucking hysterical to watch, and the ships and friendships are all so amazing and pure and good and soft and they have their problems and they WORK THEM OUT HEALTHILY AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY OKAY!!!

god, i literally cannot overstate how much i adore these two shows. mike schur, you’re a wonderful, wonderful dude. thank you so much

many musicals (top faves include BOM, hamilton, legally blonde, chicago, matilda, and more!)

i’m putting the musicals together because while i do adore each and every one of them individually, i also just have great big deep-seated love of the art of musical theatre itself in general, ya feel?

like, as someone who’s been both performing and viewing them from a very young age, the sheer sense of utter joy they bring is almost unparalleled

not to be That Bitch who quotes musicals, but “and that hop in our hearts as the overture starts lets us know how lucky we are” might be the closest i’ve ever gotten to finding words to fit the feeling when the lights go down and the show begins. it’s simply phenomenal

the others series by anne bishop

okay, OKAY, if you haven’t read this series (first book called written in red – they have terrible titles but god, they’re worth it), then what are you doing with your life? like, not only is there the perfect logicality au to them (just sayin’), but god, it’s such an incredible series

the worldbbuilding is so cool and the characters are all great and god the ships are the damn hill i die on it’s got literally such a good “sort of enemies mostly just dislike each other to reluctant acquaintances to friends to lovers” ship and it deals with some serious issues rlly well and it’s got baby puppies!!!

like, they’re wolf puppies, but still, they are b a b e y

and finally (for now, at least), the mysterious benedict society, by trenton lee stewart

this book series was my childhood. i mean, there are so many other books i could be talking about right now that i utterly adore (the artemis fowl series springs to mind), but gosh, MBS just brings me such absolute joy to read that i just had to have it on here.

i’m not thinking straight at this point in the evening, but i just wanna say that i will never, not ever forget about reynie. about kate. about sticky. about constance. about rhonda and number two and milligan and miss perumal and my absolute son sq pedalian and, of course, i will never, never forget about mr benedict

it’s bright, and it’s bittersweet, and it’s beautiful.

and it’s good. simply, utterly, wonderfully good.

thank you for the ask, anon.

thank you.