#completely and utterly awful.
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chip on your shoulder
#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#admittedly i'm a little obsessed with how completely and utterly awful jimmy is like bro thinks its a competition
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what if i had a vision that you died so i gave you the bone that never burned from a dead animal to protect you. what if you turn it into a necklace and carried it with you. what if you were the first to see me as a prophet, a messiah of the wildnerness, and linked your devotion to your safety. twenty-five years pass and you still look as me as if i was god, as if i saved you that night, as if i can save you again.
#LOTTIEVAN#they literally make me sooooooo insane GOD#van seeing lottie for the first time in decades and being in complete awe#van believing lottie about the hunt even though the others disagreed#van is so utterly devoted to lottie. its never left her.#yellowjackets#lottie matthews#van palmer#astro.txt
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Well, on the upside, Veilguard’s absolutely horrid writing and utter lack of meaningful roleplay mechanics made me appreciate Inquisition’s already watered-down writing and roleplay mechanics.
#Emmrich’s pretty much the only decent companion but my god.#This game feels like a daycare simulator.#No option but to be nice to and validate everyone even when they’re being objectively awful themselves (looking at Taash in particular)#The stakes should feel high but instead I just feel like I’m babysitting toddlers#And normally I’m a completionist who loves doing all the quests but the game actively forces you into it#You HAVE to recruit all the companions; you HAVE to baby and validate them all; you HAVE to complete all their quests#No option to even mention the supposed Dire Stakes of the universe.#The game treats you like you’re seven and over-explains everything to you. The maps are terrible even if they look good.#The voice acting for a few companions is… questionable.#For a game we waited ten years for it feels like someone’s rough/unfinished first draft.#And again no truly meaningful roleplay choices or actions.#The game just forces you to be nice to everyone. Rook feels like an inveterate spectator and an invertebrate to boot. Utterly spineless.#Every time we see a returning companion I feel like Hadvar: ‘Who… are you?’#Because they act nothing like their previously established personalities & it’s like Veilguard goes out of its way to ignore previous games#The head writer’s self-insert is painfully obvious and atrociously-written in particular#You can only be a Good Nice Guy#Maybe sometimes a Stern Nice Guy and very occasionally a Nice Guy Who Thinks He’s Funny But Isn’t#Just! My god.#I want to return the game. For the first time ever in my life.#So disappointed.#text#chey.txt
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not to sound like some political bootlicker but i could cry honestly seeing a presidential candidate who can actually string a coherent sentence together and isn’t on the verge of having an aneurysm
#you can think whatever you want about me or Kamala I’m voting for her for a number of reasons#like you literally cannot get a better outcome in this election#also it’s so fucking funny how Trump is TERRIFIED of being held accountable by her#like former attorney vs literal fascist convicted felon#HILARIOUS actually#and it would be even funnier if Biden just HANDED Kamala the presidency like could you IMAGINE#truly something something the two full moons something something#honestly it feels like America is waking up like a cloud of utter fucking stupidity afflicting our country is lifted#say what you want about Kamala but having her as the candidate gives me?? hope???#personal txt#this is my home I live in America like my THINGS and my cat are here#I can’t have Trump win again I will DIE#everyone will die#for the first time I feel like we’re not completely and utterly fucked#honestly tho on a pure woman scale having Kamala who speaks so intelligently and also motherly? after a raging storm of male violence#overwhelming the world and politics and being awful and unsafe and violent#it’s so comforting the feeling of knowing a woman is at least looking at the world and going how can we start to fix this
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these two should kiss i think.
#ein aphmau#aphmau ein#xavier aphmau#aphmau xavier#they would objectively be completely awful for eachother it would b so funny#they bond over wanting to utterly destroy aaron and aphmaus lives#theyre both complete garbage men itd b perfect#aphmau#mystreet#ein mystreet#mystreet ein#falcon claw university#aphmau falcon claw university#my post#villain couple where 1 plots the downfall of 1 specific person and the other plots the downfall of literally anyone who looks at them funny#they would make eachother so much worse <3#ramblings
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the Vibe I get from the Scoundrel is someone who is too attached to let that last shred of decency inside them die and is extremely mad about that
that. that might be it actually. how dare you clock my own OC for me anon /j /lh
#i DO have a concrete idea of who the scoundrel was before going to the neath + starting heart's desire#she basically completely reinvented herself after A Certain Cricket Game. completely and utterly#and yet. and yet.#ask#fallen london#too attached to their incredibly flimsy last shred of decency to completely initiate their villain arc and yet they're FURIOUS that it Wont#the scoundrel is like one of those redeemed villain characters that join the good guys but complain about having morals now#except like. inverted. they're in their villain era and they're still complaining about having a leftover conscience#they're like UGH. these HORRIBLE things that make me CARE about people. awful. i need them gone forever#*doesnt actually get rid of them in the slightest*#scoundrelventures
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looking at the clock and going "oh. i didn't. even realize it was past 8pm." and its not funny or cool its just unbelievably concerning
#medusa rambles#kind of venty ig#ive been having. a really shitty two weeks and an even shittier few days#i decided to step down from the student organization i started a year ago#which basically means itll probably fade into oblivion#i lost so many connections i had to this awful fucking college#in the past two weeks#and its like#all i have left tying me there is a degree that i don't really need for what i want to do#and a handful of professors & staff i genuinely value#i have very little support system in general and its just#why am i even staying here#why stay. genuinely why stay#i am such a community based person and like#i have no community there#everyone who im close with there just#are busy and i get it and i understand it but we Don't Talk. they understand my life via scattered updates that they dont really care for#and talking into the void is funny until its. not.#and logically i know that this is just like. pure depression speaking and not actually reflective of whether my friends care for me or not#but it just doesnt matter#and i think its just like. i Need to stop trying#because every attempt at any form of connection#that just fails completely and utterly is so severely damaging#but what do i have if i don't try. what is there otherwise.#i remember a year ago#when i first started college#sitting in my dorm and sobbing every night because i was just so fucking isolated from everyone around me#and its like. nothing has really changed. i am just as isolated as i was then#i think honestly like. maybe i do just need to be hospitalized again#i dont. feel like i did when i was 16 but i know that This is not sustainable and not good and like. sitting and going
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nomoto & kasuga, the ideal relationship: eating together, grocery shopping together, cooking together, feeling safe around each other, welcoming the new (year &) day together
#not shown: healthily communicating w each other and maintianing boundaries 😭#not shown: being completely and utterly besotted and in awe of the other person#she loves to cook and she loves to eat#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna
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so sorry for not tagging the hnk spoilers but. ough. ouuuuuuughufhsufcusgcfwufgwgvedkvdfkwFh
#IM GOING TO EXPLODE........................#i am so sad. oh my god#like in a good way this is so................ im. augh#this ending is so bittersweet#this chapter literally lines up with a mint colored meteor passing earth this month#all of this is so happy after everything like. its just so... much innocent joy#phos is happy..... just like the very beginning.......#after everything she reached a good ending#both halves of her human and nonhuman are completely happy#the image with her gem self watching the meteor gets me so bad just. god#its so like.... amazing. actual awe#and seeing phos again. beginning phos again...#the sheer innocence of it all gets me so bad#actual godly media. like genuinely how do i put into words how utterly *good* hnk is#107 and 108 making me burst into tears and roll across the floor and wail and scream and cry#SHE REACHED HER HAPPY ENDING#AFTER EVERYTHING.....#augh. lays on the floor. thinks about phos for the rest of my life#what an amazing end
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how tf do you find a wife/etc on tumblr bruh if I tried to send thirst dms like some ppl say they did I'd get blocked -_-
#ik of several ppl who met their partners or whatever either on tumblr or elsewhere online#ngl that feels like my only hope because theres apparently NOBODY here im compatible with#but like lol tough luck i have awful luck EVEN ONLINE can you imagine that.#can you imagine how completely and utterly fucked i am when it comes to this shit
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.
#went down a wikipedia rabbithole tonight and learned some chilean history#specifically around project cybersyn#President Salvador Allende#and the 1973 Military coup#and uh#fucking tragic#i think ive existed in a strange(? maybe its actually relatively common idrk) position as an American leftist where like#the crimes of american imperialism feel so innumerable to where at a certain point you stop learning about them on purpose#so like for years ive 'known' that what the USG has done to South America was awful#i 'learned' about honduras and so I just applied that as a template and went 'yeah some awful shit happened and its the CIAs fault'#but uh getting a bit more detailed knowledge about what our government did in chile has made me realize how callous that was#i dont know that ive nessecarily earned my previous attitude of 'cold detached and depressed' given#that not only did I not live through any of it but also that it was done in my benefit#god maybe this is some milquetoast shit#idk#I think being a leftist in the US is having to fight the passivating force of imperialism constantly#like lose sight of it for a second and it just fucking blends back in with the landscape#the internally defensive structure you build in your brain to protect yourself from complete emotional collapse while buying food#will equally be effective in ignoring the role of imperialism in everything else#anyway#I think this is perhaps a good opportunity to learn more about the other crimes the USG has committed in South America#to actually know the names and pronunciation of the deomcratically elected socialist leaders we deposed and what they really wanted to do#to know how their people felt and thought about things rather than imposing my own assumptions onto a reigon I am utterly ignorant of#it is embarrassing now to know the fullness of history I have ignored#Salvador Allendes words really fucking got to me and to think that there are men like him who I cannot even name is really disappointing#im going to stop self flaggellating and see about that reading#just my thoughts#feeling a little blue tonight
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🐇🩹🚪
#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest#i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure#our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin#but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried#my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one#so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here#she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!!#however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move....#cant** stay here#she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places...#my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that#but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!!#im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free#im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her#i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad#and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit#ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless????#idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!?#atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me#but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless#i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more#if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free
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starfall bit that i cant really imagine seeing a way to organically put in since it's part of a time skip, but sometimes i like to make myself sad and imagine atlas holding asha's egg for the first time and the first thing he notes is how small it is in his arms, thinking back to when he had to take care of quinn and when he got her egg, it was like half his size and it just hits him really hard in that moment how unfair it was that he had to raise a child when he was one himself....
#so normal about how atlas's childhood was just completely and utterly stolen from him in more than one way#also ignore that one art i did that directly contradicts that size difference uhhhh that was a bit its not canon#its almost kind of a shame im skipping this part bc the unspoken negative parts of atlas/quinn's relationship just bubble to the surface#where like. atlas is now grown up and taking care of his issues and having his own Biological child#and to quinn its like. where does that leave the dumb kid he got stuck with when he was an abused 8 year old?#how this kid will just inherently have a better life bc she has a stable home with an actual adult caretaker#also like how atlas has a biological family he can eventually find and go home to while she has nothing. her bio family is wiped out#she cant even say she has memories of them#and now atlas is building his own family and she thinks there's no room for her in it especially since shes so ''awful''#echoed voice
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Canadian GP 2007, a summary:
Two cars got disqualified for a pit lane infringement
Eight (8) drivers DNF'd either due to reliability or accidents
There were 4 safety car periods as a result
Meanwhile Lewis, who started from his first ever pole position, led all but 3 laps and won with a 4.3 second advantage over the rest of the field (at one point pre-safety car he had a 20 second lead)... at his sixth ever race
#icon legend goat king etc etc#I had to pause at multiple points bc of the heat but also bc the race was MAD#completely and utterly crackers#but what a fucking iconic as drive#(for refernce; this is was race where Kubica had his awful crash#if anyone does want to watch the race replay the feed does cut to it as it happens so warning for that)#this isn't even a full summary bc so much happened but... Lewis 🥺👑#Formula 1#Canadian Grand Prix#2007#Canadian Grand Prix 2007#Lewis Hamilton
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For the weirdly specific art asks, 4, 5, 13?
4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw
PACIFIC
I love him and hes one of my oldest OCs but oh my god. between his hair, markings, and wraps hes such a pain to draw, let alone consistently
5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself
oh man, digital art wise i'd say i post 70%, i have a lot of things that just arnt up to snuff and didnt turn out very good so they cannot see the light of day ever
traditional sketch wise its more like 50% bc i draw some thangs that are between me and god. not even in a nasty way necessarily but just bc its got whack ass anatomy
13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing
this makes me sad bc i know i have a lot of artists like that but i absolutely positively have absolutely 0 artist name recognition. like this isnt a bit and however much you think "haha everybody has a little bit of that" i guarantee you i am on a whole other level. i dont know who anyone is at any point in time and i have net-negative artist name permanence.
#this is like something you wouldnt really know unless it came up but my overall ability to remember names is absolutely awful in every sense#its really bad in person but online its completely and utterly hopeless
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As someone who definitely doesn't count as an A/B/O enjoyer it's still super interesting to me just how much influence it has over wider fandom and fanfiction. Like as soon as you're "in the know" it's just absolutely everywhere.
#full disclosure: my only experience is like a very funny light-hearted 40 minute intro to ABO video essay by ColeyDoesStuff + 1 fic#and like personally I don't think I'll ever *get* the whole nesting and scenting and like massive personality changes because ~biology~#buT like! god! it explains so much!!! of fandom!! and fanfiction!?!?#like everyone is playing a game of fanfiction telephone#there are loads of ABO readers that dont *write* abo picking out phrases and character interactions and putting them into 'normal' fics#which is. i am completely and utterly certain. how we get the scent thing.#this has genuinely baffled me for years and had left me wondering if I genuinely just have an awful sense if smell#not just the the ''he smells like sandalwood and coffee and something uniquely him'' thing. sure. sure. maybe its cologne#but like. where someone smells their friends or siblings and its like citrus and paper and fresh cotton and rain and youre like HUH?!#I literally could not tell you what any of my friends smell like. genuinely I do not know.#my mum wears a perfume? sometimes? but thats it. like. ??? idk its so bizarre to me that in some fics everyone has a unique smell#and like !!!! now it makes sense!!!!!!#ALSO#the dom sub dynamics that are just. so overpowering to the point of erasing the characters personalities#like the whole existence of 'deep subspace'#where a previously headstrong characher now wants nothing more than to follow the commands of their alpha *ehem* i mean dom#like its wiLd like its MAD! like there are sO many little *things* that you suddenly notice and youre like OHHHH IT MAKES SENSE NOW!!!!!!!!#this is absolutely not an 'omg abo is cringe' post btw like its not for me but this is more about the baffled awe i have for its influence#I didn't understand it!!#but now i sortof do!#insanely funny that it all started because of some jensen ackles x whatshisface rpf like thats a madness. thats so funny to me.#anyway. my sense of smell isn't amazing but I'm glad that in the 10 years since I started reading fanfiction I've solved this mystery 😂#oh also the fic i read was actually really stellar in terms of characterisation. I actually really did enjoy it#its called an elegant mechanism and its a KimChay if anyone does actually want to read it! its stellar#it's one if those where the abo elements are so intricately woven into the story that you won't *want* to remove them#even as a boring ass abo hater I'm like damn that shit DOES add to the plot#its fun
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