#but now i sortof do!
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laesas · 2 years ago
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As someone who definitely doesn't count as an A/B/O enjoyer it's still super interesting to me just how much influence it has over wider fandom and fanfiction. Like as soon as you're "in the know" it's just absolutely everywhere.
#full disclosure: my only experience is like a very funny light-hearted 40 minute intro to ABO video essay by ColeyDoesStuff + 1 fic#and like personally I don't think I'll ever *get* the whole nesting and scenting and like massive personality changes because ~biology~#buT like! god! it explains so much!!! of fandom!! and fanfiction!?!?#like everyone is playing a game of fanfiction telephone#there are loads of ABO readers that dont *write* abo picking out phrases and character interactions and putting them into 'normal' fics#which is. i am completely and utterly certain. how we get the scent thing.#this has genuinely baffled me for years and had left me wondering if I genuinely just have an awful sense if smell#not just the the ''he smells like sandalwood and coffee and something uniquely him'' thing. sure. sure. maybe its cologne#but like. where someone smells their friends or siblings and its like citrus and paper and fresh cotton and rain and youre like HUH?!#I literally could not tell you what any of my friends smell like. genuinely I do not know.#my mum wears a perfume? sometimes? but thats it. like. ??? idk its so bizarre to me that in some fics everyone has a unique smell#and like !!!! now it makes sense!!!!!!#ALSO#the dom sub dynamics that are just. so overpowering to the point of erasing the characters personalities#like the whole existence of 'deep subspace'#where a previously headstrong characher now wants nothing more than to follow the commands of their alpha *ehem* i mean dom#like its wiLd like its MAD! like there are sO many little *things* that you suddenly notice and youre like OHHHH IT MAKES SENSE NOW!!!!!!!!#this is absolutely not an 'omg abo is cringe' post btw like its not for me but this is more about the baffled awe i have for its influence#I didn't understand it!!#but now i sortof do!#insanely funny that it all started because of some jensen ackles x whatshisface rpf like thats a madness. thats so funny to me.#anyway. my sense of smell isn't amazing but I'm glad that in the 10 years since I started reading fanfiction I've solved this mystery 😂#oh also the fic i read was actually really stellar in terms of characterisation. I actually really did enjoy it#its called an elegant mechanism and its a KimChay if anyone does actually want to read it! its stellar#it's one if those where the abo elements are so intricately woven into the story that you won't *want* to remove them#even as a boring ass abo hater I'm like damn that shit DOES add to the plot#its fun
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derpinette · 1 year ago
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memory: when i was a toddler OMW back home with my mother on one of those intercity travel buses when we suddenly heard women screaming only for me to look down & see dozens upon dozens of cockroaches running up my legs & under my dress
#legitimately traumatized me for life#pretty sure i felt no way about bugs up until that point in fact beetles were my favorite to grab &play with in my kindergarten's... garten#sorry#there were hundreds of them running around everywhere on the floor. i have no recollection of what happened next or later that evening#apparently it was because of the hot weather & something about the bus that made it so that all those roaches escaped & dispersed everywher#still feel sickened when i hear that bus company to this day#Events That Formed My Sundowning Neurosis. soon as the lights dim i turn into a purely atavistic prey aminal#it happened again when i was with my cousin in the summer when my mother sent us out to get something from teh bodega#& my cousin was like trying to reassure me that no roaches were crawling up my legs but there actually were#it was just too dark to make out until we reached a lamp post O_O that was years & years ago BTW#IDC that they are harmless i wrote this post because there was one in my bathroom just now & all i could do was scream for help#apparently barely cos i was told it was a “pathetic scream” i was Paralyzed !!!! they were like what would you do if you lived by yourself#literally Die & let that thang take over my house IDKcaus i am not going anywhere near it#AUUURRRGHHHH go away pleeeaase. let Us be civil OK leave me alone please leave me alooone ( that one video )#i have no fear of bees or wasps or whatever other ones libellules i forgot what the name was in english. oh dragonfly. Dope name. ETC ETC#sortof creepygirl tumblr 2009-2012 if you thinkabout it... ♯Swag
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pnsge · 14 days ago
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inside you there are two wolves: one gives a fuck, the other doesn't give a fuck
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devildarlindumbass · 7 months ago
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GUYS I THINK I FUCKED UP I THINK I GOT THE. GOTTHE. JOEY CUT
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yayforocs · 6 months ago
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haha ok so i finally got around to reading that old writing i had been looking for yesterday and haha. wow.
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yeah this is. Old WritingTM huh.
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thepinkseashell · 1 year ago
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<3
#before its not boston2's birthday anymore i have to make a sentimental little post about her. because i love her. so here goes.#that day actually kind of changed my life a little bit.#i had been very deeply unwell for years and i think that was the day that a little switch flipped in me and the ice began to melt#and i started to be okay.#i dont think i had ever experienced that type of sheer joy and elation and relief and catharsis and it just sortof sent a shock to my system#like. this is real! you are real! you are alive!#you are capable of feeling and existing and being so do it! go. exist. be. live. breathe. and god did i fucking try#and i cant say it was suddenly easy after that. of course not. it is still not quite easy now. but its gotten better. little by little#i started doing things more. i started seeing myself more as human.#and things sort of snowballed and now i feel like im on the cusp of something. i dont know what.#the cusp of living. the cusp of being alive. the cusp of being human.#its the same but different. i was so very dead and just barely teetering into not dead and now im not dead and teetering into alive. i think#i am not substantially different than i was a year ago. not on paper. but i have hope now. i have a little sliver of something.#i have clawed at the wall long enough to dig a hole and goddamn it im climbing through it if it kills me.#boston2 was a catalyst for me. a celebration. an invitation. an apology. a love letter. a hug. a kiss. it was my permission to be okay.#and maybe i am. maybe i will be.#i love you boston2. thank you for everything. i will exist. i will live. i will breathe. and my first breath will be for you.
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mummer · 1 year ago
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wrote another 5 pgs of Play i dont know how to end after like months of not doing that. bc i want to apply to a workshop program but you have to submit samples from a full play and all my "full" plays are sort of bad so now i actually have to finish this in case they ask for the full play. i mean i'll just make it a one act it's fine i mean i probably wont be accepted because you have to INTERVIEW if you're shortlisted and they only take 4 people also like why would anyone want to further their playwriting career. Playwriting career is an oxymoron i just feel listless and it will give me something to do. But i need to finish the play. Flop
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hightaled · 3 months ago
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holy fuck ive been trying to decide on a birthday present for an entire day
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makedamnsvre · 7 months ago
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hits my head against a wall metaphorically
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dhampir-dyke · 1 year ago
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#i cannot fucking believe that my half-baked psilocybin therapy is working. this is so crazy.......#less than 4 months ago i was incredibly suicidal and my depression + trauma kept me from doing basic shit. i couldnt fucking enjoy anything.#and now i take literally no medicine except a gram of psilocybin every month or so. and i hesistate to say its 'fixed' me bc i still have#a lot of issues and i still have bad days#BUT. my life is so much better now..... i can actually feel good when i do things i like. im able to get important stuff done much easier#and im having bad days instead of bad WEEKS. when my cptsd gets triggered its still horrific and debilitating but the come down from it is#much faster and im able to function properly sooner#today i managed to talk to my leasing office about moving in a few days earlier and they said yes!!! ive manage to pack a BUNCH#of my stuff into my car for when i start moving in tomorrow. ive made an important phone call!!!#i still had to jump through the hoop of executive dysfunction BUT. normally i have to go through an obstacle course of it#every time i do it i feel like i get a little bit better. i try to make a 'plan of attack' every time i take them.#make my place feel as comfortable and safe as possible. i keep a journal nearby and relaxing music playing. and i try to sortof like#i guess a mix of introspection + reparenting in a way. i go with the flow but i try to focus on a way of thinking thats unhealthy#and try to tease + pick apart the reasons its unhealthy; while also trying to replace it with a healthier way of thinking#if that makes sense??? all while just. idk. feeling safe and at ease.#and ill feel kinda weird for at most a day afterwards bc lets be real. its psychedelic mushrooms. but afterwards i just feel much#lighter and generally just more at peace?#maybe its bc of how vulnerable i am while in an altered mental state; it may replicate the vulnerability i experienced as a child.#but rather than be abused for being vulnerable im being gentle and kind to myself??? idek man its weird.#anyways thats the end of my rambling im just thinking outloud
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luveline · 4 months ago
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I love ur writing 💕 can I request something where reader is dense sortof/has low self esteem, so she likes hotch, admires him and would love to date him but can't imagine he would view her that way,, so he has to be really obvious with his advances? Not self indulgent at all 👉👈 no worries if not. Love u!
Hotch has to break the news that he’s been pursuing you. fem, 2k
Hotch would like to call you unassuming in the kindest way possible. Unassuming, in that not everyone who looks at you would find themselves immediately aware of your beauty (an old-fashioned way to put it, and true), because your poor self esteem leaves you shy. 
You don't believe anyone would want you. It doesn’t matter to Hotch beyond a weary heartbreak for you, as he doesn’t mind if it takes time to convince you. He only wishes you’d have more confidence. You’re pretty and you deserve to know it. 
“Hello,” he says, with intent to try again. 
You like him. He’s a grown man and a good judge of character, better of action, and he’d like to think that your sudden grimace whenever he speaks is again this cloud of insecurity rather than a true dislike for him. You have to warm up to him every day, but you do warm. 
“Hi, Hotch.” 
And listen, he’s not one to flirt at work, but if he ever wants a real shot with you, he has to be heavy-handed. “Hi,” he repeats, smiling, “how are things today?” 
You’re assistant office administrator for the BAU, and so Hotch isn’t technically your boss, but you do work beneath him. “Things are the same as always.” 
“Not too hard for you, then.” 
You catch his teasing, which is a new development. “Not too hard for me,” you say.
He doesn’t pretend he has reason to hang around. He thinks it might’ve contributed to you not believing he’s interested; he’d drop by with coffee because you seemed tired, or checked in on issues that didn’t need his supervision, and you’d taken every extra minute spent at your door as his attentiveness to his job, rather than an affection for you.
He stands with his hand on the doorway and just looks at you. 
“What’s wrong?” you ask.
“You look beautiful today.” 
You touch the button at your neck. “It’s too much for work.” 
“No.” You’re wearing normal business casual clothing. You’ve pulled a necklace over your sweater, soft collar of a shirt kissing your throat. He imagines you’re wearing regular pants and flats or maybe a skirt and short heels beneath the desk, it doesn’t matter. “It’s not just what you’re wearing. You look pretty.” 
You could catch flame if something sparked near you. Lost, your lips part, and eventually you squeeze out a timid, “Thank you, Hotch.” 
 “Aaron.” 
“I don’t think so.” 
“Can we get coffee?” He dislikes the panic in your eyes and regrets how casual he sounded. “Can I get you a coffee?” 
“I’m okay.” 
“Well, maybe we can take lunch together?” 
“Have I done something?” 
“Have you?” he asks. 
He feels… young. Haley was the only woman he’d been with at a time, and casually there have been others now, but you’re the first woman he’s attempted to woo like this. He sometimes forgets that you’re shy and that he’s been married, distracted by his fizzing, almost joyful feelings for you. Flirting with you is a pleasure. 
You lick your lips quickly. “Where did you want to go? For lunch?” 
He was thinking you could bring your sandwich to his desk, but what you’re asking is a thousand times better. “Where do you want to go? Melanie’s?” he suggests. 
You breathe out in a strange laugh. “For lunch?” 
No, perhaps not. It’s rather fancy. “Somewhere nice, at least,” he says. 
“I don’t know where’s nice.” 
“Well, we can find somewhere. I’ll try to find somewhere before one, what do you think?” 
“Okay.” 
He smiles. “Okay.” 
He’s pulling away from the doorway when you stand up from your rolling chair and say his name, a near yelp, “Hotch! Wait, uh, wait a second.” 
He immediately turns back. “What?” he asks, giving you a quick once over. 
“Are you sure I’m not in trouble for something?” you ask. To your credit, you give a bashful little laugh. “I feel like I’m walking into a trap.” 
“I have no intentions of trapping you anywhere.” 
“Please don’t fire me at Melanie’s.” 
He smiles at you again and leaves your alcove of the office to head back to his own. Around the desks and the bullpen where his team sit doing their paperwork, up the stairs to the landing. He pauses before he goes inside.
JJ’s standing behind Derek’s desk. They’re chatting, JJ sipping at a mug, a small smile on her lips. Spencer watches her from his own desk. He doesn’t like her anymore to Hotch’s knowledge, but it doesn’t stop him from smiling at her with that slight thread of lovelorn shyness when she asks him what he’s so busy doing. 
Hotch has a moment of clarity at his desk when he realises he needs to find somewhere perfect to take you come lunch time. You hadn’t seemed convinced of your job security when he’d left you, and he spends some time pondering how best to accommodate you as he sorts thought Quantico’s best cafes and restaurants. 
He has emails to answer, phone calls to take, and to make. Time moves quickly, and by 1:02 he’s all sorts of late. It’s almost 1:12PM when he’s again at your office door, a warm plastic bag against his side. 
You’re looking at your lap. Coat in your hands, lip nibbled raw, there’s an internal conversation happening that he’s not privy to. He doubts he’d like it very much —the agony of self-doubt is written plainly in your slouch. 
He knocks your door, feeling very sorry for your startled jump. “Hi. Sorry, I’m late, I know. But I thought I’d bring dinner to you.” 
He thought of it like this: if he were to take you to dinner, you could explain it away as a professional superior who was going to fire you and changed his mind, or a superior checking in on his employee, or a superior simply being kind. He has, on occasion, taken different members of his team or office out to discuss things in their lunch hours because he was busy and needed their time at a convenient hour. You might not think anything of it. 
Right now, Hotch really wants you to think something of it. 
“What?” you ask. 
“Is that okay with you, if we stay here?” 
It’s a little much for you, apparently. You finally tip into incredulity. “Aaron, is everything alright? I really don’t understand what’s going on.” 
“I’d like to eat lunch together.”
“But why?” 
“Because you’re good company.” He’s sat knee to knee with serial killers, and his next sentence is still scary, “Because I like you, and I’m not sure how else to show it.” 
You press your coat to your stomach, frowning. “You like me.” 
“I was under the impression that you liked me too,” he says, smiling despite you and himself. Hotch might be a drill sergeant and a bully all those terrible moody stations as a boss, but he’s also just a man, and there’s little room for stoicism in love. 
“But you…” 
He waits, but then feels too sorry for you to let you flounder. “Honey, I don’t know how else to put it. I’ve tried compliments, I brought you that plant,” —he points to the still blooming orchid on your window— “I ask you what your plans are every weekend.” He looks swiftly behind him. Alone, he edges into your office to close the door and allow some privacy. “And every weekend I ask you if you want to get a drink. I’d think you didn’t like me if it weren’t for your tell.” 
“What’s my tell?” 
Your hand. Whenever he’s around, you take something into your hand and squeeze at it or feel it like you’re going to explode with nerves. He saves you the explanation, and instead lays his most gentle look on you. “If I’m wrong, please let me know. I’d never want to put you in an uncomfortable position, but you’re lovely.”
“You’re not making me uncomfortable,” you say, semi-disbelieving. “You never do. I'm just confused.” 
“I’d really like to get to know you as more than a colleague.”
“You know me,” you mumble. 
He does. He knows what your favourite colour is, your favourite food, your soccer team. He sent you flowers on your birthday, asks after your sick neighbour, and checks your office light every night when he goes home, though he knows what time you leave each evening. And he knows that you’re scared to admit to liking him or anyone, because you worry you’re not allowed. 
“I do,” he agrees, giving the plastic bag a jostle. He doesn’t need big answers now. “Can I sit down?” 
You might not have a big answer to give, but your expression tells a story nonetheless. You wheel your seat backward and he pulls a spare chair toward your desk, your smile like an adornment as you push aside your things to make room. You smile so hard it changes your entire face. 
“Do you have napkins?” you ask, not so subtly breathless as he places the bag down and pushes the plastic back. 
He pulls out a wedge of them. You pinch them, and for a second the both of you hold them, your eyes meeting, your cheeks appled with matching smiles. 
“I thought the orchid was for secretary’s day,” you say quietly, taking the napkins. 
“You aren’t a secretary,” he says, holding out a plastic fork. 
When you go to grab it, he moves it up out of the way. Your startled laugh is beautiful. Totally stunning. He hadn’t realised how badly he’d wanted the quiet intimacy of teasing you over lunch until he had it. 
You grab the fork before he can move it again. “Too slow,” you say. 
“Oh, you think so?” he asks. 
“I know so, Aaron. Who has the fork?” 
Aaron, he thinks. Finally, Aaron. “You have the fork, but I have your lunch. I’d tread carefully if I were you.” 
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theabigailthorn · 1 year ago
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Hey I’ve been a fan for a little while now, and I just wanted to say that you’ve been an inspiration for me, a younger transfemme. But I do wanna also ask: what’s it like being a trans woman with her life together? I’m 19 (as of sending), been on hrt for almost 5 months, and have been trans for a year and change. But I’m scared. So, I guess, I wanted to ask: does being trans ever become the norm, my baseline? What’s it like after 2-3 years? And does it get any less confusing or scary?
I think there are a few things going on here.
I don't have my life together as much as it might seem; I just don't show you all the ways it's not. I don't talk publicly about the auditions I don't get, or the things I try and fail at, or the insecurities in my own head that hold me back sometimes, or the handful of decisions I've made that were bad calls and which still keep me up occasionally. I've talked about trauma and mental illness in the past, but I only ever discuss stuff I'm comfortably over - when I'm overwhelmed or in the middle of a crisis I don't post about it. I don't set out to deceive you by presenting myself that way, I just keep my most private stuff private. Everybody has failures and regrets and insecurities: "it's a sign of having lived," as my friend Phoebe told me today. But you see a curated version of me that appears not only more together than the real person, but more together than any real person.
Also, if you're 19 a lot of your life hasn't been in your control until pretty recently and a lot of it still might not be. I'd say it's okay to not feel like you have it all together. You just transitioned, which I think is one of the hardest things a human being can do: you can give yourself credit for that even if you feel like you're not settled into it yet. Congratulations!
As for it becoming the baseline, I mean yeah? Kinda? At least for me. Sometimes I forget. I had a moment today in the gym where I saw a man and I was like "Oh yeah, I used to be one of them, sortof? Weird!" The first year is the hardest, or so they say. I wouldn't say I get less confused or scared now, just scared and confused in different ways. I worry less about getting attacked in the street than I did in my first year, for example. (I'm lucky and privileged in that regard.) But I worry a lot more about other people. I struggle a lot with survivor's guilt, which is something only people who survive get! Anyone who's had a drink with me in the last six months has heard me beat myself up because the night of The Prince premiere in New York was the night of Brianna Taylor's vigil in the UK. That wasn't a deliberate decision - the premiere was booked and paid for months before she was even killed - but I've become a lot more sensitive to those sorts of feelings precisely because I spend less time worrying about myself. I'm more aware now of what my transness means for other people. Like, I made an ironic joke when I came out that I'd become The Transgender Princess of TERF Island, and it's kindof haunted me since - I didn't set out to become "a famous trans person" but it's happened a little bit and it's going to happen a lot more next year. That comes with serious responsibilities and a few mild drawbacks, as well as perks, obviously. So I guess that's a longwinded way of saying I might be a weird person to ask this question because, at least for right now, my transness, my whole self, doesn't just belong to me.
Oh also, some great advice I got from my friends: Paris: "Only change the things that bother you on your good days," and Mattie: "Don't believe anything you think about your life after 9pm."
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as-i-watch · 6 months ago
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have you ever ranked pirate flag designs? i think i really need to know your take on that… and also who you think designed them in the crew?
Oh this is a good one, i havent done it and havent even thought about it before!
Im not gonna rank all the flags bc im sure i'll forget some, so...
Top 10 Jolly Roger 💀
10. Hawkins Pirates
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It has a bit too much going on but i like it, i think its creepy and gives off black magic vibes, true to Hawkins powers and aesthetic
9. Kid Pirates
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There so much going on but its badass. It feels like a 13 y/o boy assisted in the choices but its also feel honest, like he genuinely is that. Very true to Kid's personality
8. Thriller Bark Pirates
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They showed a bit more restaine than the other two, more clean. Strong aesthetic game in desing and colors, you just know they have a haunted mannor dracula shit going on
7. Whitebear Pirates
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Instant classic. Neat and to the point. If you have a physical trait like that use, brand on it. I also like the angry eyes on the skull
6. Buggy Pirates
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Speaking of physical traits. No messing around, clown, bosh. I also like it looks silly, it doeant strike fear but its so funny looking that i like it
5. Red Hair Pirates
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Against what i've saying, i love they resisted the urge to give their jolly roger red hair (there are other red haired people, its not that unique). Its a classic timeless look. The red streaks bring it together to look like Shanks scars but also an eyepatch but also blood.
4. Heart Pirates
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Law does not have a jolly roger he has a Brand™. The jolly roger has nothing to do with his physical appearence of name of the crew but it has a story, or backstory rather. Its a unique shape, it has its own color scheme, he slaps it on on everything. Its a logo, and i like it
It also if you look at it for long enough it starts to look like a surprised egg with striped piyamas on
3. Straw Hat Pirates
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Talking of branding. Simple, effective, a pop of color on the hat. Silly looking and you inmediatly know who is behind this crew. A personalised classic and bc its so straight fowards just beats Law's desing to the top three
2. Cook Pirates
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Its so silly i cant not give it high marks. Can you even imagine been terrorised by a crew that sails around with that? Amazing. And from the man nicknamed Red Leg Zeff bc of the blood that his kicks drew, duality of men
1. Kuja Pirates
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Now that is a look. Its simple yet scary af. It really intimidates you, and its related to Boa but not in a too obvious way, a call back to Medussa and gorgons, badass and dangerous women. Impactful, effective and iconic.
And as for who made them: Hawkins(?) (dont know any other members) / Kid and Killer helped / Hogback / Whitebear but i think he consulted Rogers and they sortof copied eachother / Shanks age 14 as a joke / idk why but Lucky Roux / Law. / Luffy and Usopp helped (as we know) / Zeff (he is quirky like that) / Amazon Lily's CM
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ashraf-fowzan · 5 months ago
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⚠️ HELP A JOURNALIST FROM GAZA ! ⚠️ PLEASE DON'T SCROLL!! I know our story is repetitive and you all must have heard it many times and I am sorry to bother you all .. but our lives shattered and your help is our only hope
I am Ashraf Fowzan Saleh A thirty year old Journalist From Gaza .. My Family of 8 Members need your Help Instagram : @ashraffowzan My family and I have been stripped of every Basic Human Right imaginable . I have two sisters Randa and Rima, and three brothers Hamada, Abood ( He suffers from a hearing disability) and Joud and both my parents . We Need money for Safety and current life expenses , and for coordination to Egypt verified by @tamarrud
€184 raised of €45,000 goal DONATE NOW !!
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We have known hardship well for many years, and have endured the harsh challenges of living in a conflict zone but this is beyond everything imaginable !
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Please Help Us ! Share and Donate HERE €184 raised of €45,000 goal
I would never have imagined myself crowdfunding such a solution, but I will never forgive myself for not doing everything and anything possible or imaginable to save our lives and get us to safety.
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moondrifterr · 4 months ago
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WoF petrigrof time!!! (explanations sortof below the cut!!!)
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(please ignore the missing tailfins i haven't the strength to go back and add them pretend they're there)
AAHH THIS WAS SO FUN TO DO!!! I LOVE DESIGNING THINGS AND THEORIZING!!! CHARACTER DESIGN IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE EVER!!!
but! now to explain myself!! I made Simon (Salmon :3) a Seawing and Betty (unsure of a name just yet) a Silkwing!!
Simon was made into a Seawing because:
• sad wet cat/fish.
• scholar! i find seawings to be one of the most academic tribes second to (ancient) nightwings.
• blues/purples look nice on him i feel!
now, why Betty is a Silkwing:
• "why you so bug girl"
• she was originally either a sand or sky, but i wanted to play around with silk because i never do! and it just fit! she also didn't feel sky to me, but sand it 100% a runner up. (was tempted to make her a hybrid)
• i feel like her silk will really assist in her look as GOLBetty? (bug eyes)
now i'm going to spout random nonsense out of nowhere!!!
Simon and his curse would be 100% just another pyrite/hailstorm. i love the very idea of that. i feel it's very fitting. the crown would turn him into an icewing, (obviously) and when the curse is undone, queue "part of the madness" up partner
that scene where Betty ties IK up to perform the spell thing (i'm sorry i am not well versed) friends SHE USED HER SILK.
okay now i'm out of ideas for now EXPECT MORE!!! I LOVE DRAWING THEM AND PLEASE ALSO IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA ON BETTY NAME PLEEEASEE LMK
Have a wonderful day/evening folks!!!!! take care!!!!
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epicbuddieficrecs · 10 months ago
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Weekly Recap | January 8th-14th 2024
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TWO MONTHS UNTIL SEASON 7!!!
I'm sorry it's late and I'm sorry if I missed anyone but my ao3 history was sortof a mess 😩 I think maybe some userscript I downloaded is fucking up my history. oh well. (or else someone has hacked my ao3 account and has been reading House M.D. fanfic?!?!? (how the fuck did I even get in my history, I don't even remember searching for anything that had House fics in the results wtf))
Complete
Followed By Ghosts by itsanapothecary (Canon Divergent, S1-S2 | 21K | Teen): Instead of hiding the truth about Daniel from their children, Margaret and Philip memorialize their lost son in every one of their remaining children's accomplishments. Growing up, neither Maddie nor Buck felt like they could escape the shadow of their brother. When Buck finds the 118, he gets a chance to be his own person, although the looming attention from his parents and weight of expectations threatens to jeopardize what he's built in Los Angeles.
no harm, no foul by callmenewbie/ @callmenewbie (Getting Together | 5K | Mature): Eddie knows how Buck feels. Buck knows how Eddie feels. So why is Eddie giving him the cold shoulder instead of talking about it?
what to do when evan buckley breaks into your house at 3:17 in the morning by oklahoma/ @malewifediaz (Love Confessions | 3K | Teen): After a night out drinking with Maddie, Buck (kind of) breaks in to Eddie’s house.
Wait For It by oliviacirce (PWP, Post-S6E6: Cursed | 8K | Explicit): Buck kind of liked not jerking off.
in a fix by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Getting Together, PWP | 4K | Explicit): Buck gets himself into a bit of a sticky situation, and Eddie helps him out.
we were lucky once (could be lucky again) by hattalove/ @hattalove (Post-Break Up | 1K | Teen): which they're not together anymore, but they can't sleep apart.
Mark Me Like a Bloodstain (Burning Red) by sirencalls/ @usersiren (Vampire Eddie, Post-S4, PWP | 3K | Explicit): “Eddie, you’re freezing,” Buck says, worry creeping into his tone. “Eddie, we need to get you to the hospital—” “No.” His voice is echoey and strange, definitively not human, and he picks up on the way Buck’s pulse quickens. Fuck, he’s scaring Buck. The human part of him is ashamed, guilty for making Buck ever be afraid of him. The vampire part of him is delighted, is even more wanting because of it, and that’s why he calls himself a monster.
Kinktober 2021 series by sirencalls/ @usersiren (PWP | 31 works | 68K | Explicit)
all that is you makes up all that is me by soyxunxperdedor/ @messyhairdiaz (Post-S6E11 | 1K | General): “I was just checking if you’re ready…” Eddie says faintly, trailing off as his eyes track the path of the lightning seared across Buck’s skin. -or- In the aftermath of a lightning strike, Buck and Eddie have a conversation.
Long Overdue by mansikka (PWP | 3K | Mature): Eddie realizes his feelings for Buck are more than platonic; what's he supposed to do now?
kiss me, kiss me (i don't know if i can let you go) by ipretendtobesane/ @useramor (Getting Together, Accidental Kissing | 10K | General): If anyone ever asks- they were both drunk. Eddie knows they weren’t, he and Buck don’t like to drink during the week, regardless of whether or not they work the next day. If they are working, they don’t want to be out of it on the job, and if they’re not they don’t want to be out of it when Christopher wakes up the next morning at 7:00am with more energy than either of them can handle. But there’s not really a good explanation otherwise. No other way to explain why, as Buck was walking out the door, Eddie leaned in and gave him a soft kiss goodnight.
til there was you by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (Hurt Buck, Married Buddie | 16K | Mature): In which Buck's appendix tries to kill him in the middle of a busy shift, and Eddie has to stage a dramatic rescue.
spread a little christmas cheer by soyxunxperdedor/ @messyhairdiaz (Post-S3E10: Christmas Spirit, PWP | 1K | Explicit): Eddie has a realization at the Christmas party and goes the wrong way with it.
do you love me? all you gotta do is say yes by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Friends to Fiances, Crack | 3K | Teen): “It’s always pretty fun to see a former fuckboy from your grad school era bootycall list all domestic and settled down.” or, two boy best friends and an ex lover walk into a grocery store. everyone is on their normalest behaviour.
🔥 Echoes of Your Name by sirencalls/ @usersiren (Canon Divergence, PWP, Sex Worker Buck | 9K | Explicit): Of course he’s immediately wary of it. Porn videos have never worked for Eddie, so why would the audio version of them be any different? It’s the same strangers faking the same moans and whines as the other actors, just without a pretty face to go with it. Eddie thinks it’ll almost be less effective—seeing every tiny reaction that someone has to what you’re doing to them is part of the fun—so he doesn’t have high expectations. He doesn’t expect it to work.
marry me, eddie diaz by elisela/ @elisela (Marriage Proposal | 1K | General): There’s a long silence, and then, “you do that a lot,” Eddie says, looking over at him strangely. “I do what a lot?” “Ask me to marry you,” Eddie says. “I know it’s just a joke, but I feel like—” he stops and shakes his head, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck.
sit present in the darkness by elisela (Post-Shooting, Established Buddie | 4K | General): In the midst of stories about their jobs, catching up on what the kids have said, and making endless fun of each other, Eddie’s sitting at his seat with his phone face down on the table in front of him. Occasionally it will buzz and he’ll look around the table, pick it up when he thinks no one is watching. He types something quickly, looks over his shoulder at the kid’s table—where Buck has been since the food was brought to them—and puts it down again. Face down. Karen knows this game. She’s played it before, almost lost.
WIP
🔥 Precious & Fragile Things by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Small Miracles AU, Angel Buck | 13/? | 31K | Teen): Buck is the Fallen Angel of Petty Temptation, who has been tasked with tempting human Eddie Diaz to sin and enjoy life, but just a little. He thinks the job will be easy - get in, get out, go back to Peru to continue messing around with eternity. But when Buck arrives in Los Angeles, he finds Eddie is harder to tempt than expected, and more compelling than Buck had hoped.
🔥 and if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) by diazchristopher/ @captain-hen (Canon Divergent Season 6, Friends with Benefits | 2/18 | 9K | Explicit): or, an alternate look at season 6 where buck and eddie have been casually sleeping together since before the beginning of the season. somehow, this changes both everything and nothing at all.
🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon, S1 through S6 | 106/? | 290K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Demon Buck, Canon Divergent | 9/? | 15K | Teen): Buck is a demon with the power to help with pregnancy, childbirth, and infant health. When the Buckleys make a deal asking for someone to help 'save their baby', Buck leaps at the chance as it will give him what he's always wanted: a life on earth. But demon deals are tricky and neither of them gets quite what they're after. This is Buck's journey as he navigates growing up on earth and remembering how to help those in need.
🔥 for all the haunts and homes of men by euadnes/ @kananjarus (Canon Divergent, Post-Apocalyptic, Station Eleven Crossover | WIP | 12/? | 105K | Mature | Warning: Violence): The year by the old calendar is 2025. Home is gone. Home is a failed rescue mission and an echo of a memory. Home is a lost boy living in a wooden house by the sea. But first, there was a promise. Christopher, when it's safe, I'll take you back to your father. Buck had all but given up on keeping it after the world had died and everyone in it. But just as some oaths refuse to be forgotten, so the same can be said about the endurance of love.
🔥 Right Where You Left Me by hyacinthusbloom/ @thebloomingheather (Canon Divergent, Post-S4, Angst | 21/? | 106K | Explicit | ❗️Warning: Rape/Non-con): "Therapy?" Eddie suggests. Buck almost laughs, but instead says, "I'll go if you go." Because he had fully expected him to be chicken shit, to disagree, and instead Eddie, the bastard, replies, "Deal." Or Buck never tells anyone that he slept with his therapist and deals with the butterfly effect years later.
🔥 a foundation of trust and love we cannot see by lemonzestywrites/ @lemonzestywrites (FWB, BDSM, Sub Eddie, Dom Buck | 2/17 | 24K | Explicit): “It’s like I want to explore it and dive into it, but it’s not exactly like I’m seeing someone to try this all out with,” he explains, doing his best to keep down the annoyed huff that threatens to escape him at every other word. Buck nods to himself before steadily going silent. For a minute, Eddie thinks that this is the end of their conversation. “I can show you if you’d like.” Eddie nearly chokes on his beer.
Love Ends. by rowan_wood (Exes to Lovers | 5/17 | 7K | Explicit): But what if it doesn't?
Re-read
🔥 Relationship Advice from Complete Strangers Online by HMSLusitania/ @hmslusitania (Getting Together | 4K | Teen): When he gets home for the night, Buck turns to the one source of information that’s never let him down: the internet. But where does one go for relationship advice from complete strangers online? Which is how, ten minutes later, he finds himself on Reddit with a shiny new account and username. It takes him a while after that to craft his question for r/Relationships, but he thinks he’s got it pretty accurately conveyed before he hits post.
🔥 You Could Be The One I Keep by browney3dgirl6/ @hoodie-buck (Didn't Know They Were Dating | 6K | Teen): Eddie finally get's up the nerve to ask Buck out, his best friend accepting much easier than Eddie ever dreamed. Things are better than ever between them, the two of them becoming even closer, going out on several dates—only problem? Buck has no idea they're dating, like not even the slightest clue.
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