#compared to some of my coworkers
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Once again preoccupied with the thought that while I’m not particularly pleased to have made a career at this point in childcare, so many other people are and do, and for all the time they spend watching other people’s children so those people can go have their own careers, those childcare workers are paid such a tiny fraction of what the parents make. And if they weren’t there, there goes that parent’s career.
These are generalizations, because IN GENERAL, yeah daycare workers will watch a very successful lawyer’s kids and get to hear all about the many European vacations these kids have already gone on in their short lives, meanwhile the daycare worker has daily visions of what they’d have to do to make ends meet if they were suddenly solely financially responsible for themselves. Not to project or anything. Sometimes parents choose daycare because it’s a necessary expense to make ends meet. Those childcare workers still deserve to be paid more.
#quilly has issues#being part of a bitterly underpaid overworked labor sector is that issue today#and I have it so easy gang#compared to some of my coworkers#both in class load and in how living with my parents eases the majority of my financial burden#I’m just. so. angry.#and I can’t even go do something else bc what I want to do doesn’t make any money either!!!#and is way more unstable bc the market is so heavily skewed to freelance work#plus I’ve been in childcare for almost a decade with no other work experience. nobody wants me y’all#sigh.
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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Frustrating when a VC-funded company gets credit for being the "first" and the "leader," when they had a sub-component demo the same week we had a full-system demo. Like, we are easily 5-10 years ahead of them, it's ridiculous; their approach isn't even yet proven to work. But they get science youtubers talking about them.
Because they're VC-funded, they have a marketing/press department.
And because we're an employee-owned company working off of government contracts, well, most government contracts get slapped with an ITAR label (an old Cold-War-era law saying basically sharing scientific information counts as illegally selling arms/munitions). So if you want to publicize your work, including your company's products, you have to appeal that label. (Universities have specifically negotiated a blanket exemption, so if you spend your whole life in academic science you might never even know about this.)
(My previous employer filed those appeals several times a year in order to do press releases and publish journal articles and apply for patents. I think every single information-release appeal they filed went through, because there's no reason any of this stuff should be labeled as arms--it's literally the same stuff universities are doing. My current employer is afraid to, which I think is wrong-headed; at worst they'll just say no, and anyway, our non-restricted competitors are giving fucking lab tours to youtubers.)
#these restrictions mean you also can't have employees on visas working on these projects#my previous employer tried to appeal that too and failed--they were only able to appeal the dissemination of information part#so we had locked labs that my international coworkers weren't allowed in#(one got a green card and was allowed in eventually)#ironically the VC-funded company is doing it the same way I did it in my PhD thesis#two other people at the company did this stuff in their post-docs#all of us are over 40 (one guy is over 50 I'm pretty sure) so this is not a new technique--I got two MINOR papers on it 16 years ago#the MAJOR papers are like 25 years old#and we're all convinced it's NOT the right approach#granted the technique we are using is about 30 years old#in my literal thesis defense one of my committee members asked why I was using the technique the VC companies are now using#and if I had done the math to prove it was superior to the older technique#and I was like--everyone knows the new technique is superior that's why it's trendy#and my advisor (who was a genius) said the same thing and that it wasn't a fair question#but the guy who asked it was an ancient theorist who REALLY knew what he was talking about#and in retrospect he was completely right--I should have done the math comparing the techniques and the older technique IS better#a few weeks into my job here I did the math and found that if you use the BEST version of the new technique--one that only one group#has demonstrated can even be done and they didn't get all the way to the point of demonstrating an application like this#and you assume some generous efficiency numbers#it breaks even with the old technique#that's not what this VC group is doing so... not a chance lol
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people always lie to me and say I'm nice or that I have a good heart or whatever but the real truth of it is that im a very opinionated control freak. and with my opinions being things like "this empire should not exist" and "the periphery will rise again and the current center will be left behind" its not exactly "normal" opinions that can be shared with people so generally I just come off like an asshole who's mad about everything all the time. which I also am absolutely just that, too.
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Had to order custom boots for ren faire because my big juicy muscular calves are too out of proportion with my teeny tiny itsy bitsy widdle toesie woesies. Emphasis on WOE.
#my whole family has dainty little fairy feet#it's shocking for out height#I shop in the children's section because they never have my size in shoes at the store#that's fine and actually really cool for fun sneakers that would otherwise be REALLY expensive for adults#but formal shoes and BOOTS are impossible to shop for#and boots that come up to the calf? FORGET IT#my coworkers were FLABBERGASTED when they finally noticed how small me feet were on the last pool trip#then the KIDS had to compare their feet to mine#and some were actually bigger#like come ON man#so yeah I finally gave into temptation and dropped like $270 for some real leather boots#emmett speaks
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God I wish I didnt get ostrasised by all but like 4 of my peers because holyfucking shit am I overworked and need a hug
#why cant everyone just be nice like for fucking real!!!!#so sick and tired of looking like Mother Theresa compared to my coworkers bc i do the bare minimum of making the residents feel cared for#like girl we are working with the same cast and crew#will never forget the time a cna came in and after telling them 'hey that guy will get seizures if you give em that' and they replied with#'well they get seizures regardless' AND LEFT#EVIL!!!!!!#andlike#i understand that not everyone has the same memory capacity/ability but oh my motherfucking god#if everyone around me is at baseline then i must be either God or the absolute perfect person#which is saying something bc ive genuinely killed quite a few braincells with my former [redacted] addiction but here i am#knowing the smallest things about everyone that makes em happy#and the thing is is that I WORK IN THE KITCHEN!!!#IM NOT A CNA/RN WHO AT ALL HOURS OF THEIR SHIFT WILL BE INTERACTING WITH THE RESIDENTS!!!#idk man if i were generally mentally n physically well in my 30+s AND gettin outshined by a 21 year old for the past 2 yrs id be embarrasse#cannot fucking wait for my mom to get a job so i can leave mine and take a break#tony speaks#and before anyone says 'the CNAs are overworked and some of the residents can be overwhelming!'#the residents know im nice so they come to me for fucking EVERYTHING!!!!#ESPECIALLY the overbearing ones!!!#AND ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE LITERALLY EVERYONE. STAFF AND RESIDENTS.#ASKING ME WHATS GOING ON WHEN IM BALLS DEEP IN THE AM AIDES BULLSHIT ON TOP OF THE MORNING COOKS#not only do i ghostrun the kitchen but im the guy everyone goes to for everything. regardless of department#im literally a kitchen aide with no further qualifications leave me the fuck alone and ask your superiors/managament FUCK!!!!!!!!
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u know what i've been thinking about. how the economy expects you to be, right now, at a job you've been at and consistently getting raises in for like, ten years. it's almost like the implication is "well yeah, you'll be able to live off this job in three, five, ten years if you stick with it and grow in the company" which is all fine and dandy, but i kind of need to live right now
#the queen of trash has spoken#rewrote this post six times and it turned into an essay both times and i don't really need it to lol#also thinking about the graphic i saw this morning that said the average spending power of $100 here is $41 compared to the national averag#which i guess? min wage is just over $16 here. but uhhhhhhhh i think my city is one of the most expensive in the state as far as cost of#living goes (not hard since we're the second largest city in a state of three decent sized cities and mostly large towns)#and its just crazy bc i look at my coworkers some of whom haven't been there much longer than me#who have kids and a house and stuff#and i realize oh. their husbands are engineers or lawyers. plus they're probably making more than me because they're team leads or managers#or have been there longer. meanwhile my 25 year old ass is making $20 an hour and my boyfriend is making $18 an hour#both doing highly-specialized work#and like. the idea that in ten years if i last that long both in the company and in this mortal coil#THEN i'll be making a living wage (in today's money)#is like. so wack! considering the fact that people really aren't staying in jobs for very long for various reasons#and for some positions the only way to get a raise is to move to a whole new company#it's just crazy! the fact that a 25 year old with a bachelor's degree can't even afford a fucking APARTMENT.#like everyone should be able to have housing obvs and the obvious solution to this is a universal basic income#but the fact that my experiencce in the economy is so different from my brothers (who is seven years older than me) and COMPLETELY#unrecognizable to that of my parents when they were my age. like i know billionaires are totally disconnected from reality#but in what universe is this a successful economy? /rq i know the answer i promise
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when will we be free of the shackles of a slick back hairstyle again !!!!!!
#i feel like every girl in my city walks around with slick back hair which like you go girl but also do we really ALL need to be doing this..#also coworkers of mine reported that they started balding/losing hair bc of how tight their slick back ponytails and buns are.. like girl..#regardless i personally do not like it at all either... let your babyhair breathe girlies .. embrace the messiness...#also got compared to dakota johnson at work today and even though it was meant as a compliment i truly don't really know how to feel bc#i feel like we don't look similar at all 😭😭#i also look horrid in bangs so ... i could never be her.... and i also know nothing about her beside that she was in some movies isk#idk*#000
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#did an okay job at work pretending I didn’t feel utterly betrayed by half my coworkers#even if one called today ‘wonderful’ 😵💫😵💫#see in a way it was easier last time around#my work place was heavily left leaning (nearly all women some woc at least 1 immigrant)#so I didn’t have to look anyone in the eye and wonder if my friend just sold me down the river#now it’s like…. gotta make chit chat with the lady who thinks liberals are a disease#plus side… maybe this will be the push I need to get a new job?#gonna have to stop hanging out with boomer Bob though because if he implies women all are dumb stupid whores#or compares ‘my body my choice’ to vaccination requires again I might do something I can’t take back#also!!!! once again!!!!! how are there so many fuckers in healthcare/lab work that get their knickers in a twist over vaccinations?!?!
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My brain recently latched onto Resident Evil (specifically re7/8 since 7 was my first exposure to the series) and while I did sympathise with Eveline and did like when it was acknowledged that she was just a messed up kid, I wasn't particularly interested in reading redemption comics/fics for her or stuff where she survives
Until I read your fic. I am now an Eveline Apologist and I thank you for that :'3
Seriously I started looking for fics for the series after having my interest piqued by one, but a lot of the fics like to portray Eveline as just a monster and Mia as abusive and awful to make anyone they ship Ethan with instead look good in comparison and just ughhhhhh, so when I read your fic your nuanced portrayals of the two had me going _"Yes! Finally!"_
So thank you, love your fic and the characters in it, can't wait to see how all the character dynamics develop, but also take as much time as you need/want :>
Ahaha... I consider it my life's work to convert people over to Eveline Apologism, so I'm very glad! Thank you for giving my fic a shot. <3
I do find a lot of fanfic in the RE fandom doesn't bring the nuance to characters I would like it to--there's a lot of works out there exploring the Lords of RE8, but less work on RE7 in general, and very little that tries to tackle both writing Eveline sympathetically and Mia humanely. I wanted to take a crack at it, and I'm glad I'm delivering.
#asks#catsplosionxd#Through the Valley to Life#I know on my blog I've discussed that canon should be more critical of Mia's actions but that said some parts of the fandom go weird places#primarily for ship reasons as you've said to break up her and Ethan#but ahaha... i have nooo problems with Mithan I just think canon never addressing Mia worked in bioterrorism is weird and out of tone#compared to the rest of the series' handling of similar characters#also RE8 Momified her when RE7 showed she can be cool and competent as hell#so thus I must do better by her <3<3 and make her and Chris weird coworkers <3<3
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does anyone else think it's bullshit that i keep getting scheduled for 8 hour 11-7 shifts instead of my usual 7 hour 7-2 and i don't even get paid for the full extra hour because the evening shift workers ALWAYS leave like a half hour early?? im never allowed to leave early on 7-2s in fact i usually end up leaving kinda late bc they're always saying we have to finish everything before we leave. but the evening shift never finishes everything before they leave!! every time i come in for a 7-2 i find so much shit unfinished bc the fucking 4 or 5 hour 2/3-7 shift people don't even bother staying until 7 to finish up and apparently management is fine with this?? and whenever i'm there until 7 they pressure everyone to close up by 6:30 so they can go home sooner but i dont fucking care abt that! they automatically take a half hour unpaid lunch out of my timesheet anyway so that plus the leaving early means i don't even get paid much more than i would on my usual shift. and the 11-7 is the worst shift too they keep putting more responsibilities on that one person which somehow also makes it harder for everyone else bc the 11-7 cant help as much. cant fucking wait to hit my one year there so i can finally job hunt again and hopefully find a place that at least gives me time to sit down and eat lunch while im not getting paid. smh
#i try not to complain too much abt this job bc compared to any other food job it's heaven especially fast food#and i do enjoy some aspects of it#but they rlly have created an environment where they'll scold u for not taking ur legally mandated breaks but then make u take 5 minutes#out of ur break time to walk all the way to the breakroom and also the only time u have a chance to take it theres no food available#bc it's in between meals and theyve already put everything away#and u have to walk all the way back to clock back in of course. and if u do actually do all that ur poor coworker is left to work the#2 person job alone for a full half hour which sucks#so i always end up letting them take the automatic half hour out of my paycheck and working through it or just eating some chips#for 5 minutes and getting back to it bc the alternative is just. worse#they also seem to encourage working off the clock here which i have never and will never condone. one time i implied that it was crazy to#expect us to clock out on time and keep working until the job was actually finished and the cook looked at me like i had 2 heads#and half the ppl there are like her theyve just accepted that this is the best theyre gonna get and theyve already put so many years into#this company or facility or whatever and it's heartbreaking but also snap out of it!!!!!#if u read all this mwah mwah im kissing u on both cheeks ty
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me vs watching a hbo show about rich siblings trying to take over their fathers business and instantly falling in love with the shunned family member who's just a silly little guy who also tries to commit blackmail whos name starts with a G
#.txt#i knowww i've made a post like this b4 but i can't find it rn bc the search function sUCKS so i'm reposting.#i can never compare my f/os enough i think its so funny how they're kindasorta similar#WAIT THEY ALSO HAVE A UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A COWORKER/FRIEND (SCOTTY/TOM) HELP#ineed to make some gideon gifs There's like 4 out there in the world . also hi amber :3#also i think i immediately loved gideon by the 2nd ep (he's like. properly introduced) and i literally started scn bc i saw a greg fancam#on twitter and qrtd it saying And i quote “idk who this bitch is but hes my boyfriend now” and i started it the next day#bc i couldn't get that fancam out of my head wKSNH#I LOOKED UP THE TWEET AND MY IMMEDIATE REPLY WAS “HE'S LIKE IF SHANE M.AD/EJ + DA/VI/D DA/STM/ALC/HI/AN WAS HOT” WJGSLHNJS????#AND ALSO “He's 6'6 i'm thinking” byeeee#sorry for being annoying in tags again im stopping
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i cannot take another day in retail oh my GOOOOOODDDDD
#i don't know how some of my coworkers do this full time#i can't wait until the service industry is completely automated so people wont ever have to work in this hellscape ever again#and the worst part about this is my store isnt even that bad#like everyones super chill compared to other retail stores#its just the nature of the job itself that's the issue
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Sometimes I wonder if I should stop boymoding at work. Like itd really help my overall stress, not having to be so performatively masculine while hiding actively growing C cups so that nobody knows that in my off time im an entirely unrecognizable person. And then i have two coworkers talk over my shoulders about absolutely batshit conspiracies about Jews and the NWO and Covid being a coverup for the underground ww3 cities project and i remember
"oh yeah, the baseline attitude around here is that Im not human. I and people like me are demons to these people. and they control my fucking paychecks."
Like this shits normal around here, everyone i talk to in this town is super chill and friendly and then backhands you with the most insane string of words youve ever heard and you just have to smile and nod while mashing the eject button on the conversation
#a bit candid and bleak compared to my normal schtick here but i just had to scream into a pillow rq#Appalachia and the deep south are saturated in some of the most dogshit hostile people ive ever seen#this whole thing was brought on by the afforementioned coworkers talking about conspiracy theories.#one of which being that the nashville shooter was actually a demon#these ppl already know Im in a relationship with a man#and i feel like that alone has put a target on my back#like i gotta familiarize myself with my coworkers cars so i know if ones following me home#cw:transphobia
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I went to dollar general today because there was some coupons I wanted to use and at check out the cashier was like "wow you saved quite a bit. Yeah you saved like $15
Which like was the goal so that was satisfying and I felt weirdly accomplished to have saved enough that the cashier took note so that's a weird high I've been riding the last couple hours
#i feel like people must save pretty well there all the time#and i know my coworker like just recently saved quite a bit#so for her to be surprised was like weirdly fun#they have some good gain coupons atm if anyone is into that#i dont know if im ever saving literally as much as i good because im rarely comparing brands or even prices at other stores#but oh well#at least im not paying full price for what im getting so im saving in some way?#dont mind me#tag rambles
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hii how have you been?
i miss my family 🧍♀️
#my mom sent me a video about once your child leaves the mom also needs them#to like be there for them when their mom is stressed when their mom misses them#and i cried for a bit bc i argued with my mom a lot#we didnt see eye to eye but i really do think my mom still thinks of me as her little girl#bc despite not being as close i am to my mom compared to my dad i felt like i had so much burdens for being the eldest and girl#so sometimes i would get upset that my brother would get some special treatment from my mom#idk now i just rlly miss her cuz i miss actly waking up to have brekkie w her#i rlly missed cooking w her b4 i didnt like it bc i thought it was bothersome but now i miss it a lot and her cooking !!!#one of my roommates are husband and wife and i helped cut up the onions and garlic for her bc she started crying from the onions#and then i just completely rmbrd how many times my mom would ask me to help her cook and it makes me miss jmy family !!#i dont rlly get homesick often but i have been in a few arguments w my husband but its like those small quarrels where we're both#tired stressed n feeling defeated like there was no wrong but mentally tapped out#i feel hella lonely tbh ion have many friends outside from me talking to my roommates or my coworkers#and i go once a month to my friends thats an hour and half away but i never mind the travel bc their family treats me well#im supposed to go today but our plans got cancelled and since the travel is far i usually sleepover we were gonna watch a movie !!#we were gonna go watch the mario movie but i might go by myself w my teddy bear#or i'll ask my coworker maybe#but yeah other than that im just trying to survive xoxo im so tired#im also getting so much free cosmetics skincare and fragrances at work that i cant even use all of it#tha shit is displayed on my shelves just cuz#but so excited for my smau heheheheh#༊*·˚ koca has heard your wish#༊*·˚ a kiss of blessing#༊*·˚ a wish upon a goddess#༊*·˚ freddie <3
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