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sarahowritesostucky · 11 months ago

Text

📖"Hydra Sanatorium"

Rated: Explicit

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word count: 5297

Tags: a/b/o, medical institutionalization, cognitive disability, made up kinky medical things, diapers, catheters, non-con medical procedures, restraints, forced wetting, hurt/comfort, humiliation, kind!Careworker Steve, bratty!Patient Bucky, alpha Steve, omega bucky, dry humping, forced orgasm, masturbation, implied self harm, orgasm therapy, age difference (19/30), omorashi

Summary: Bucky is a troubled teen coping with the traumatic transformation of late-onset omega puberty. Steve's the care worker who's been developing too much of an attachment.

A.N. I will no longer be going to the trouble of posting extensive warnings, cautions, "Minors DNI", "smut below the break", or extra trigger warning outside of the story tags etc., like I used to. Because the staff troll has targeted my account and held it to standards that virtually no other explicit fanfiction authors are consistently held to or follow on this platform, I will now only be tagging major themes above the story summary, and other than that, the only warnings you'll see from me are the "mandatory" (🙄what a joke) community labels: mature. Sorry, but I'm not going to bend over backwards to please a bunch of antis and an illiberal, vindictive child who works at Tumblr with zero accountability for their abuse of their position. Troll: grow the hell up, and PLEASE for the love of God: never go into politics.

So here is my new sign I'm so excited to introduce!🥳Feel free to use it - no need to give credit. As Mr. Mackie likes to say to the nitwits: "Baby I'm a grownup."

Wait! I think I missed a previous chapter! Series Masterlist

Chapter 6: Inflation Therapy

Previously:

"It’s going to be okay, Buck. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says, voice dull. “I know.”

It’s not the tantrum Steve was expecting, but somehow it feels just as bad. Because rather than reacting, Bucky’s just withdrawing. Steve watches him pick at his meal for another half an hour. With some gentle encouragement he’s able to get the kid to eat the majority of his protein, but he’s obviously getting no enjoyment from the food, his mind a mile away as he chews mechanically. It’s depressing. Steve goes into bossy alpha mode to try and give him some direction, make him feel a little more secure. He tries to show Bucky that he does have an alpha who cares about him, however temporary it may be.

“Throw your trash away, bub. Put your tray over there. Good job. C’mon now, let’s go do an activity. I’m leading art tonight. You want to give that a go?”

Bucky seems docile enough, following Steve into the art room and sitting on the carpeted floor with one of the lap desks for drawing circle. A few other patients trickle in, until they’re a group of ten. Steve hands out paper and cups of colored pencils, and takes up a spot on the carpet. He tries not to be obviously over-focused on Bucky, figuring that the kid needs his space to process the news about his parents relinquishing custody. “Okay everybody," Steve greets the group. "How are we doing?”

He gets friendly answers from the other patients, then guides them through a few warm up exercises. They do some rapid-fire sketch associations, where Steve throws out words like “recreation” and “comfortable,” and “dread,” and everybody has to sketch the first thing they think of in ninety seconds.

Then Steve tells the group they’re going to be doing a “Now and Then” project. He asks them to draw a picture of how they see themselves and their lives in the present, and gives them twenty minutes to work without scrutiny. “Try to pick one word or phrase to focus on. You can draw anything you like, to express it,” he tells them. “Something literal, or something abstract. Anything that you feel depicts your current emotions, state of being, how things are going for you in the world or simply in your head. Anything goes. Get as far with it as you can, but don’t feel like you have to rush with coloring it in or anything, if you’re trying to make a masterpiece.” He chuckles self-deprecatingly at his own drawing board. “You can always add details later if you’re as nitpicky about your art as me.”

“We can draw anything?” one boy in the circle asks. He’s not Steve’s patient but Steve knows his name, knows he’s there for treatment following a miscarriage. Steve nods and gives him a gentle look. “Yeah, Daniel. That’s right. Anything goes.” Across the circle, Bucky glances up and meets his eyes. Steve smiles sadly. “If anybody needs to draw violence or something that depicts self harm, this is a safe space to do that. You won’t get put on protocol for it, as long as you’re willing to join in the discussion portion and explain your drawing.”

Bucky and one other boy look like they’re relieved to hear that, and Steve gives them both encouraging looks before turning his attention to the sheet of paper he’s got on his own lap desk. He’s always been good with a pencil—had even considered going down the art-therapy track, back when he was in college. The only reason he hadn't wound up pursuing it was because he didn’t want to turn his passion into something he had to do for a job. But he still loves leading art sessions for the omegas on-ward. Figuring that powerless is a pretty good focus word for his 'Now' drawing, Steve picks up a mustard yellow pencil and begins to sketch.

“Okay pencils down.”

Twenty minutes later, everybody takes turns showing what they’ve drawn. Unsurprisingly, five of the boys have drawn something literal from their current stay on-ward. Two others have pictures of their families. One boy has chosen a forest scene to depict his feelings of uncertainty about an upcoming heat, and Daniel talks about his violet-hued sketch regarding his feelings over the recent miscarriage. Bucky is the last to volunteer to talk about his piece, and in fact Steve has to prompt him twice before he’ll turn his lap desk around to face the circle.

He’s drawn a person—presumably himself—in thick, brown lines. The person is sitting and hugging their knees to their chest, contained in a tiny space like a box. It’s a scratchy drawing but rather well-done, and the instant feeling Steve gets from it is isolation. Outside the box, it’s bright and colorful with a lot going on, but inside the box it’s muted and still, with heavy olive and brown lines. “What does this represent for you, Bucky?” Steve asks, forcing himself to do his job rather than crawl across the carpet and wrap Bucky in his arms the way he really wants to. “Hm? To me it feels rather lonely, looks isolated.”

Bucky shrugs, not looking up. “I guess.”

Steve asks if anybody has positive comments for Bucky’s piece. Daniel ventures, “... The lines get messier on the dark side. On the bright side, they’re all neat and specific, but then they get kind of scratchy on the other part.”

Steve hums, glad to at least have a couple people willing to participate in art tonight. Usually patients just sit around grunting and rolling their eyes at it. “Good point. I see what you mean. What do you think that technique could communicate?”

Daniel hesitantly meets Bucky’s eyes from across the circle before saying, “Um. Like … it’s more chaotic, on the scratchy side.”

“Yeah. Kind of gives it a distressed feeling, doesn’t it?” Steve looks at Bucky and gently prods, “Buck? Why do you think you chose those colors?” He gets nothing from Bucky besides a mumbled, “Dunno,” and forces himself not to push him on it. He talks to the group as a whole about colors and what they can represent. “Most people know that darker colors can indicate a sense of foreboding or depression,” he says. “But lighter colors aren’t always ‘happy’ per se. Take mine, for example.” Steve shows the group his drawing of a bear sitting on the side of a road with cars. “You’d think this should be in greens and blues, yeah? A nature scene. But I only used taupes and yellows and a little brown and olive. I think it looks kind of sallow, gives it a feeling of melancholy.”

“Why’d you draw a bear?” Daniel asks.

“Well, I’ve been feeling sad this evening. Kind of helpless, you know?” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Bucky’s head lift up a little. “And I remember seeing this clip once on Facebook or something. A bear that’d been separated from its cubs across a busy highway. And it just seemed so sad.” He shrugs, feeling silly but knowing that he needs to be open and honest if he’s going to expect the same from his patients. “So that’s what I drew. That feeling of powerlessness that the video made me feel.”

“Why do you feel powerless?” Daniel asks.

This time, Steve does let his eyes slip over to Bucky—who is looking at him, but who quickly flicks his eyes away. “Because I’m worried about somebody I care about,” Steve says. “And I’m not sure I can help them the way they need. I’m not sure how much they’ll let me help.”

Bucky’s lips part, and for a second Steve really thinks he’s going to reply to that, but then he clams up again and looks down at his drawing board, not saying a thing. Steve swallows down his disappointment. “Okay guys, now we’re going to do a second piece, and I want everybody to try and make this one as literal as you can. Let’s all draw a depiction of what we’d like our lives to be in the future. You can draw something you’d like to have happen tomorrow, or something you dream of happening in a year, or ten years, even how you picture the perfect life when you’re old and grey. Really dig deep and think about what you want your life to be like, in a perfect world. It doesn’t necessarily have to be realistic, just so long as it represents what would make you happy. Kay?”

He watches as everybody gets new paper and starts drawing. Bucky, he notes, stares at his paper for a long few minutes before he ever picks up a pencil. He looks lost.

Steve gives them thirty minutes for their second drawings. When time’s up and everybody discusses what they came up with, Bucky has drawn a beach scene. It has a little blue bungalow in the background and a family on the sand. There’s an umbrella and a person lying on a beach towel whom Steve can tell is supposed to be Bucky. He’s surprised though, because that person is also visibly pregnant, and there’s a little kid right next to him, wearing water wings and building a sandcastle. There’s a dog next to the kid, and another person in the picture sitting in a beach chair who looks suspiciously like Steve, but no way in hell is Steve going to point that out. The Steve-person is blond, and Steve knows for a fact that Bucky’s family all have dark hair.

“Buck,” he prompts. “You drew yourself at the beach?” Bucky just shrugs, and Steve tries to draw more out of him. “... Is that one of your favorite places?” he asks.

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I’ve never been to the beach. But growing up, everybody else’s families would always go somewhere in the summer. Up to the Hamptons or down to Jersey, you know? Stay at a beach house, eat crabs, go to the boardwalk and get saltwater taffy and shit, ride the rides. It always seemed nice. Like something real families did.” His lips twist ruefully as he traces his finger from the lines of the pinwheel beach umbrella, over to the black and white dog that he drew. “... And I never had a dog. I like dogs.”

Jesus, God, Steve wants to kidnap this kid and take care of him forever. “Is the person on the beach towel you?” he asks gently. Bucky shrugs again, but then he nods. Steve nods too. “It looks like you’re pregnant in the picture. Is that what you were imagining when you drew it?” Bucky doesn’t say anything, and Steve feels absolutely pained, trying to force answers out of him like this. Across the circle, Daniel has made a little whimper and put his hands on his stomach, and Steve knows it’s time to abandon that point. “Okay,” he says quietly, moving past that little detail. “Um, what about the other people in your drawing?” he asks instead. “What part do they play?”

Bucky looks down self consciously at the paper. “They’re not real,” he mutters. “I don’t have anything right now. And I don’t even know if I want kids, but … I dunno. I drew it with a baby, and an alpha. Cause maybe that’d be nice, even though I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen.”

“Why couldn’t that happen?”

Bucky’s eyes flick up to him, reproachful. “Nobody wants me,” he says. “I just don’t see the point.”

Steve has to swallow past the horrible lump that’s formed in his throat. “Having a family of your own is a totally realistic goal, Bucky. Having children and a partner? Going to the beach with your family? Those are great things to imagine for the future.”

“I don’t have a family,” he says dully.

Steve is about to address that, but before he can, Daniel bursts out into tears and starts ripping up his paper, upset about babies and the pregnancy he miscarried a few weeks ago. Steve has to put all his effort into calming him down and escorting him down the hall to the soft room so that he can calm down. And by the time he returns to the art room, Bucky has left.

Steve sticks around for an hour afterwards, making sure nothing spirals out of control. He was prepared to spend the night on-ward if he had to, but Bucky’s behavior remains rather tame. He wets himself rather abruptly after art therapy, and Steve helps him get changed with no issues. Bucky tells Steve that he’d like to be alone, and Steve can’t force him to talk if he’s not ready. So he just watches helplessly as Bucky retreats to the soft room and curls up in the same corner where Steve found him that morning, face buried in a pheromone-treated plushie.

Steve has a talk with the overnight orderly on duty, making sure that the beta man knows to keep an eye on Daniel and on Bucky. Then he clocks out and heads home, feeling like the most useless support alpha to ever exist.

The next day, he arrives on ward to find Bucky in an unresponsive state, and the soft room having been cleared out to accommodate him.

“Moved everybody else over to the Phys-ed room,” the on-duty orderly mutters with a grimace, as they both stand in the doorway watching Bucky’s behavior. “He doesn’t answer when we talk to him. And he’s tried to bite when we go to grab 'im.”

“How long has he been like this?” Steve asks, concerned.

The beta man shakes his head. “He seemed normal when he woke up. He didn’t talk, but he wasn’t like this. We let them wander around for their AM free time, and then when I came to move everybody to breakfast, he was rocking. He won’t even look at me. Acts like he doesn’t even hear.”

In the padded far corner of the room, Bucky is sitting huddled over one of the foam rocker forms, naked, his knees planted to either side of the form and his thighs gripping it hard in stress. He’s shed everything from his body, including his diaper, and has his head resting on the front piece, his eyes staring sightlessly to the side. His thumb is in his mouth and he’s sucking it while he rocks compulsively. Steve nods grimly at the sight. “He can hear.”

The orderly looks dubiously from Bucky to Steve, and then back. “Um ... are you sure about that?”

Steve inhales deeply. “Yeah. This is a stress reaction to some traumatic news he got yesterday.”

“Oh.”

Steve goes over to kneel beside the rocker to try and get Bucky to respond to him. But when he has no success, he goes back to tell the orderly to watch the room for a minute while Steve consults his boss.

“I think he needs a course of hormones,” he tells Christina, standing in the doorway to her office because he’s too antsy to even sit down for a proper conversation. “Will you sign off on it?”

Christina nods. “Of course. What method of delivery?”

My dick, Steve thinks, though of course he’d never say that. He’s just frustrated is all. He just wants to make all of Bucky’s pain go away. “Inflation session,” he suggests, receiving a nod from Raynor. “We’ll do sense dep. after, hit him with some ASMR, some tactile stim.”

“Sounds about right.”

Steve turns to leave.

“Rogers?”

He looks back over his shoulder to see Raynor staring him dead in the eye, and gets an uneasy feeling. “What?”

“Once he’s out of this episode, I’m telling the doc to go ahead. We’re castrating him.”

Steve’s heart sinks. “Christina, please, no.”

“We should’ve done it a long time ago and you know it. The only reason we didn’t was the parents, and they’re not in the picture anymore. Steve—don’t look at me like that, Rogers. You agreed when the recommendation came down. It’s what’s best.”

Steve looks down at his feet to avoid glaring at the woman who is directly responsible for his employment. She’s not wrong, which is the worst part. Bucky’s so unbalanced, he should’ve had a therapeutic castration years ago, but his parents have always refused and Bucky’s been none the wiser. Quietly, Steve grits out, “He can’t even take the news of his folks giving him up, how do you imagine the conversation about his nuts being chopped off is going to go?” It’s snarky and unprofessional for him to talk that way to his boss, but he’s emotional.

Miraculously, Christina doesn’t call him out on it. “Not well, I imagine,” she drawls. “But what has ever gone well with this kid? After today, I want you to think about your long term care recommendations for him.”

Steve suppresses a growl. “Long term?” he repeats, and she nods solemnly. He feels dread fill his gut at the look that’s on her face. “We can keep him on ward,” he insists, hating how much it sounds like a plea. “Extended stay, and then maybe—”

“He’s not improving here. It’s been three years. He’s nineteen now. We need to think about his future. He’s in no shape for independent living, and you know it,” she says.

Steve huffs, knowing where this is going. “His family dumped him, Christina. He’s got no one. What do you expect me to do?”

“Long term care recommendation, on my desk by the end of the week.”

Steve grits his teeth, knowing there are only a couple of options there. Bucky can either be institutionalized, or sent to a group home, neither of which is promising. Steve knows Bucky, goddammit. He … he cares about him. And he knows that that’s not what Bucky needs. Bucky just needs someone to ...

To love him.

“What if I found him an alpha?” he asks, ignoring his better judgment. “Somebody who was a good fit, who could take him on?”

“By the end of the week?” Christina looks dubious, and rightfully so. She sighs at him, exasperated. “Rogers, you and I both know that nobody is gonna—”

“Just say that I did,” Steve snaps. “Would you approve it?”

Maybe she can tell what he’s thinking, or maybe she just thinks Steve’s venting and throwing out hopeless ideas. Either way, Christina nods reluctantly, her lips pressed thinly together. “Sure,” she says, obviously not believing that Steve can find someone to take Bucky on in such a capacity by the week’s end. “If you found someone who was actually suitable, I’d sign off on it.”

Steve isn’t even sure why he’s posing impossible hypotheticals, but Raynor’s agreement makes him feel relieved anyway. “I’ll need the bathroom isolated for our session,” he tells her, in lieu of a response. “And then the soft room for the rest of the afternoon.”

Christina grunts and waves him out of the office. “You got it. Now go on, get outta here.”

Steve goes.

“Buck? Hey. Hey Honey.” Steve approaches Bucky like he would a wild animal, wary of the possibility of him lashing out. Not that Steve has to worry about being physically overpowered or anything like that, but even he can take a surprise fist to the face, and he’d rather not have a bloodied nose or a black eye today.

Bucky doesn’t get violent. He seems to register Steve’s presence, as his scent shifts to something slightly more eager and his hips start rocking harder on the foam padding of the form. But his eyes don’t track Steve’s movement when the alpha kneels down beside him, and he doesn’t talk. He just keeps making these little stubborn grunts as he works on stimming himself up to another orgasm.

There’ve been several already, if the state of the rocker is anything to go by. Its red vinyl covering is shiny wet between Bucky’s thighs, making squeaky-slick noises as he moves. Steve reaches out and tentatively touches Bucky’s back. The boy’s nostrils flare and he grunts, rocking harder.

“Shh. Okay, Sweetheart. Okay. I’m gonna help you feel better, Alright bub? Just gotta let me move you around a little bit.”

‘Sexual catatonia’ is the technical term for what Bucky’s experiencing. His brain has gone into protection mode and his body is seeking out the most basic of comforting stimuli as it tries to reorient itself. He’s regressed, only able to process a certain level of input right now, and he’ll stay that way until his body receives enough signals that he’s safe and protected and wanted.

So Steve’s job is to make him feel all three of those things.

He gathers Bucky up from the rocker, shushing him and holding him in a basket restraint position until his few seconds of reactive thrashing stop. “Okay, okay. You’re okay,” Steve murmurs, keeping a low purr going in his chest for Bucky to hear and feel against his back. “Shh sh sh. Okay now. Here we go. Come on over here with Alpha.”

He all but carries him out to the hallway and into the bathroom. The nurse is already in there, setting things up. Bucky’s like a blind and deaf animal, staring aimlessly and making upset noises as he scents another person in the room with them. The orderly keeps a wide berth, but nods at Steve as they enter and points to the equipment he’s had set up for them. “Three bags there for him,” he says. “Just in case.” He heads for the door. “Push the button if you need anything else. I’ll be on station for the rest of the morning.”

Steve nods, depositing Bucky on the treatment bed. “Thanks.”

Bucky’s already naked, so that much is taken care of at least. He’s grunting a little more angrily now that he’s been taken away from his rocker and brought somewhere unfamiliar, so Steve moves around in a hurry to get them all set up. The colonics bed is shaped to cradle him in the correct position while he lies on his back. Steve guides his legs over the incline, then goes about setting up the machine.

‘Therapeutic pregnancy’ isn’t much more than a medicated retention enema, but it can help with bringing omegas out of severe emotional and psychiatric episodes. Obviously, it’s not an actual pregnancy. It’s just that the patient’s body is temporarily tricked into thinking it’s pregnant. And that’s what the nurse was referring to when he said he’d set aside “three bags” for Bucky. On the machine’s hook hang three heavy bags—all full of synthetic alpha semen.

Steve pulls a warmed blanket from the electric cabinet and drapes it over Bucky’s upper body. The omega’s eyes flutter closed as he immediately starts purring in pleasure. Steve smiles tenderly and comforts him, even though he knows that Bucky isn't to aware of his surroundings right now. “There ya go, bub. Just gimme a sec and we’ll have you feeling real good, okay?” He rolls the cart over and hooks up the bags. The machine will warm it to the natural temperature of semen as it moves through the tubes and into Bucky’s body, but first: the apparatus.

An average adult alpha knot is about the size of a regulation baseball, and the artificial knotting apparatuses that hospitals like Hydra Sanatorium use are thus sized. Uninflated, however, the diameter is small—no more than Steve's own thumb. It’s very easy to lube the thing up and slide it inside of Bucky. The omega is already aroused, lax, wet and swollen, and Steve feels his dick start to get interested when he glances down to watch the rubber nozzle slip past Bucky’s pink and pulsing rim.

If you were mine … he thinks covetously, Bucky’s plaintive whimpers echoing alongside the treacherously unprofessional thoughts in his head. If Bucky were his, they wouldn’t be in this horrible, institutionally puke-green tiled bathroom right now. They’d be in Steve’s home, in bed or in some little space in the apartment that Bucky had chosen to nest. Steve would be fucking his mate naturally instead of using all this artificial crap.

If Bucky were his, he wouldn’t even be regressed like this in the first place, because he would know down to the marrow of his bones that he was loved and wanted. Steve would make sure of it. He’d keep him healthy and happy and satisfied. Maybe Bucky would even be pregnant for real, bred up all fat and happy with Steve’s pups. Steve can’t stop thinking about the drawing that Bucky did in art therapy, how he’d drawn himself pregnant in the picture. He’d expressed uncertainty about pregnancy, but maybe if it were Steve’s pup inside him, Bucky wouldn’t mind it then. Maybe everything would balance out in his system, if Steve put a litter in him. Maybe it would make Bucky happy if he—

On the bed, Bucky whines, and Steve shakes his head and huffs at himself. If, if, if. Too bad he doesn’t get paid for Ifs. “Get it together, Rogers,” he mutters, and reaches down to grind the heel of his hand punishingly against his trapped dick—It helps, somewhat. He grasps the hand pump for the knotting mechanism and squeezes it, observing Bucky carefully as he slowly but surely inflates the rubber bulb to its full size inside the omega’s body.

Bucky’s unseeing eyes blink up at the ceiling, glossy with unshed tears. “Ahn, ahn, ah,” he grunts softly. “Ugn, ugn, ah …”

Steve uses his free hand to rub over his lower belly. “You’re okay. It’s okay, Buck. S’that feel nice? I bet it does, huh? Don’t worry, Sweetheart. You just relax now for Alpha, mkay? Alpha’s gonna make it feel good.” He’s sure it’s not the actual words, so much as it is the sound of his voice that Bucky recognizes, but even still, it’s nice to see the way that Bucky responds to him. “That’s right,” he soothes. “Good boy. You’re such a good boy for Alpha, Buck. Alpha loves you.”

He starts the flow, remaining at Bucky’s side and massaging his tummy gently while the machine begins to pump.

The therapy mimics a pregnancy in that it fills the patient’s body with a physical weight. It inflates the colon and the uterus and mimics the influx of hormones that a growing fetus would create. These physical cues help to trick the brain into thinking an actual pregnancy is taking place, and it’s that input—in addition to the naturally calming feeling of the knot itself—which forcibly tells the omega brain that it is safe and bred, wanted and protected. Only a strong and dominant alpha can keep an omega successfully bred up, after all—that’s what the basest parts of a regressed omega’s mind hang onto. And Bucky is currently fully regressed.

His thumb is back up in his mouth already, sucking away. Steve rumbles in his chest in answer to every grunt and moan that Bucky makes, rubbing his tummy for him as he slowly but surely fills out from the liquid. Steve’s sitting on a stool beside the bed, down by Bucky’s bottom where the warm blanket doesn’t cover, so he can clearly see the twitch of the boy’s taught little sac, the way his shrunken prick is getting chubby underneath the swell of his belly. He frees one hand up from the belly massage and rubs him there, smiling tenderly at the pleased chirp he gets for his efforts. “Yeah,” he whispers, working the head between his fingers like he would a female patient’s clit, nice and delicate, gliding gently from the precum his little dick keeps blurting out. “S’that feel nice, baby?”

Bucky grunts in an adorably demanding way and shoves his butt down against the knotting mechanism to stimulate himself harder with it. Steve chuckles and uses his other hand to tug on the nozzle, rocking the inflated rubber knot nice and steady against the swollen glands inside. Bucky makes a very happy noise at that, and when Steve looks up at his face, he sees the omega staring at the ceiling with bleary eyes, hand fallen away from his mouth as he pants open-mouthed and drools. A wave of renewed want hits Steve so hard, he almost feels like he’s taken a punch to the gut. “Oh, bub,” he whispers, feeling his eyes start to heat with the threat of tears. He wants to take care of Bucky so bad that it hurts. Just absolutely fucking aches. He thumbs under his cockhead a little faster, and is able to pull the next orgasm out of him within seconds.

Bucky sobs, voice caught high and pleasure-pained in his throat, still non-verbal and lost in his own head. Steve swallows heavily and glances over at the enema bags. “Almost there,” he says, forcing himself to go back to rubbing Bucky’s belly as the boy takes the last quart of semen inside his body. “Doing so well, Buck,” Steve praises, running both of his big hands over the swell of his belly.

Fuck, he really does look pregnant. With his muscles all lax from the regression, and a couple liters of cum inside him, he’s filled out enough that he looks like he could be about four months pregnant. Steve eases him through the rest of the remaining bag, praising him with a bunch of rambling words when the machine cuts off from its pumping cycle. He removes the tubing from the knot and rolls the machine back out of the way, goes to grab another couple of warm blankets from the cabinet and drapes them over Bucky’s midsection and legs so that he’s totally covered and encased in warmth.

The boy sighs and grunts happily at the sensations, and Steve smiles down at him. “I know, Love, I know. That feels really good, huh? That’s what we want. Need to show your body that everything’s okay. Make you feel like a mommy for just a little while.” Bucky’s not really hearing him or seeing him, but Steve refuses to believe that the sound of his voice doesn’t have any effect. Bucky knows his voice, he does. Steve knows he does.

Bucky’s eyes are barely open. The tears that’ve been glazing over for so long have gathered at the corners and trickled down his temples as he lies there and feels his body telling him it’s pregnant. The knot is keeping him plugged up and the liquid will have made it past his cervix by now, filling him up with a warm, heavy pressure. Steve remains close and rubs his bloated belly from overtop the blankets, maintaining a steady stream of praise in his ear.

When it’s been a good half hour or so, Bucky begins to show signs of emerging from the fugue. His eyes seem to track Steve’s movements more, and he starts to become more aware of his surroundings. He doesn’t have his words back yet, because he looks to Steve and whimpers and whines little helpless sounds, rather than asking questions about what’s going on or what’s happened. Steve hurries to hold his hand and reassure him. “Shh sh sh. Hey, you back with me, Sweetheart? Hi.” He smiles gently and pets his face. “You’re doing great. Took your treatment so well, Baby.”

Bucky wiggles in place, and Steve can see the moment he recognizes the heaviness in his belly. His hands go there, touching the swell of himself, and Steve nods and places a hand on top. “Yeah, that’s right. We’ve got your tummy all filled up. It’s okay. Just a little inflation therapy. S’it feel nice?”

Bucky looks shocked, and incredibly vulnerable, but not upset. His eyes still leak sluggish tears as he nods at Steve. “...‘pha?” he warbles, the tail end of what is probably the only word he’s capable of articulating right now.

Steve’s face pinches and he smiles and nods. “That’s right, bub. Alpha’s right here takin’ care of you. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Bucky whimpers, dazed, and his eyes slip closed again. But down below, on the distended curve of his belly, he hooks his pinky finger over Steve’s.

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icy-watch · 10 months ago

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"I've beaten her before, I'll do it again." AND THEN HE GRABS HIS ARM. look. there was a darn good reason my first impression was that Macky and Wukong failed to beat LBD together before learning he was never involved but sometimes I wonder. but ooh, same arm Macky was holding to get you to release, also physical body language for insecurity and self comfort hmmm, you good Wukong? "Mei was right. I need to stop dragging you into my fights." write this down too Icy, you WILL see this again. *stares at *gets dragged off stage* anyways did I mention how much I love ShadowPeach and how much they affect each other and how well done their fall out is and how complicated and how in need of clear honest communication and being gentle they are and how much care and love there was and *gets dragged off stage again* also the way he jumps off onto his cloud is SO COOL. whatda heck bro, why you monkeys so angsty yet gotta be theatrical and cool at the same time. *looks at your post* Oh Icy, if you want Macaque crying (or possibly eye dripping blood bc of Wukong) you'll get it later :) You know, part of me is also thinking. Sure, Macaque couldn't sit politely on the sidelines for Wukong to do his thing. And they'd probably chase him off with a broom. but the way Monkie Gang was so opposed to finishing the ritual when it was their goal too...yeah they wanted Wukong there so they didn't mess up and being threatened by the bad guy to finish the ritual for a power meant to destroy the one he "served" lotta confusion there. but like, if they did finish it when Macky asked the first (totally get why they didn't) its not like Macky could have run off with the fire or anything like, its not something you can hold. and the golden cicada appearing bc it was "destiny" but that bug is a sign of good destiny not bad destiny which Tang recognized and- *jumps out of my seat* you plan on watching the entire special?! WHOOO haha don't worry about being a naive summer child. There is still hope for Mackadoodledoo yet. Ah, I'm gonna kinda miss his villain arc. Now he's going to be transitioning into a fruit. Next season that is. Kind of hard to overcome anger and hurt when nobody ever talks about the past. Anyhow. On things to pause for. For this special? My hint for you: Keep your eyes peeled on the sky. First 15 minutes is all you need.

*adds it to the list*

You like ShadowPeach? I couldn't tell. /j

👀

#thanks for asking!#qua #nonnie

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thelampisaflashlight · 2 years ago

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Some tidbits about my latest OC, a sister of sin named Mackie, and if it helps get her general vibe in a song, I was listening to She Used To Be Mine from the Waitress musical while writing about her. Below the cut.

-Strong-willed and independent, Mackie has always been a very self-reliant individual, believing it is foolish to rely on anyone but herself.

Despite this, however, she often helps/advocates on the behalf of others, the main distinction being that while she thinks the people around her deserve love, care, and respect... she does not expect nor assume she will receive the same in return.

As a result, Mackie tends to bite off more than she can chew, and while it has worked out so far, never feeling like she has anyone to turn to has begun to leave her feeling more than a little depressed.

Not that anyone can tell with how easily she masks her physical and emotional fatigue with positive affirmations and throwing herself into her work.

-Mackie's main duties involve community service, in particular assisting with outreach programs that provide medical aid and organizing all-ages events for lower income families, helping out in the abbey's infirmary, providing general assistance in the maintenance and upkeep of the building itself, acting as a tour guide for new inductees...

Essentially, she's a jack of all trades, and will take on any task she's given if only to prove that she can do it.

-The third of five siblings, Mackie has two older sisters, one younger sister, and a younger brother, and unfortunately fell into the "forgotten middle child" zone fairly quickly after her younger siblings were born.

Because of this, Mackie developed a strong inferiority complex that she battles almost every day, and is likely the reason behind her constant need to be doing everything all at once and to always prove to "the world" that she's capable of doing all that and more.

However, even if Mackie does get the attention she wants, it always feels hollow to her, because despite being around so many people all the time... she doesn't really have any "real" friends or loved ones in her corner.

-Mackie has a hard time forming long term relationships and often finds herself struggling to maintain friendships as she never allows herself to be completely open with others, fearing they won't actually listen or care about what she has to say.

And, honestly?

Mackie isn't sure who she is when she's not doing things for others, even if she's determined to carve her own path in life, she only feels fulfilled when she's helping others.

And, lastly;

-On a lighter note, Mackie has found a sort of home at the abbey, and has been making some progress in becoming, in her own words, "a person".

Discovering/rediscovering the things she likes and taking time to get to know herself in the time she's not throwing herself into her work, but it's a slow process and then only reason she's made any headway with it is because of the events of the last few years.

Also, if you read through all of this, like with Quincy...

#Lamp rambles #shitghosting #ghost band oc #sibling of sin #sibling of sin oc #sister of sin #sister of sin oc #ghost band #ghost bc #the band ghost #nameless ghouls

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blackwaterfm · 4 months ago

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( mass acceptance ! ) — welcome to blackwater, cole, ivy, mabel, pandora, pearl, ximena, & enzo !! please have your account in within 48 hours, see the checklist, and stay tuned for notes about our upcoming opening !! harris dickinson, renée elise goldsberry, morfydd clark, bailey bass, winona ryder, nailea devora, & anthony turpel are now taken.

⤑ harris dickinson, 30, cis man, he/him 𓇢𓆸 it’s a wonder that cole rutherford has lasted so long. they always seem to disappear into those woods all alone, and they look real rough and tumble when they get back. if you ask me, they seem pretty apathetic and arrogant for a witch, but they earn their reputation as independent and persuasive. but hey, what do i know? they’ve only been here for five years. if you need to get in touch, you can probably find them as a line cook at the rusty rail. ⤑ renée elise goldsberry, 53, cis woman, she/her 𓇢𓆸 my my, if it isn't ivy lightfoot, my favorite pretender in town. you know, though people say they can be rather obsessive and judgmental, i know they’re really caring and organized. but hey, what do i know? i’ve only known them for 26 years. if you need to get in touch, you can probably find them working as a teacher & coach at blackwater community school. ⤑ ooc info: effie, she/they, 27, est.

⤑ morfydd clark, 35, cis woman, she/her 𓇢𓆸 my my, if it isn't mabel deering, my favorite mourning dove in town. you know, though people say they can be rather faraway and timorous, i know they’re really softhearted and sentimental. but hey, what do i know? i’ve only known them for their entire life. if you need to get in touch, you can probably find them working as a front desk clerk at the bobcat inn. ⤑ ooc info: circe, she/they, 25+, pacific.

⤑ bailey bass, 21, cis woman, she/her 𓇢𓆸 my my, if it isn't pandora lightfoot, my favorite witch in town. you know, though people say they can be rather vengeful and volatile, i know they’re really independent and loyal. but hey, what do i know? i’ve only known them for her whole life. ⤑ winona ryder, 52, cis woman, she/her 𓇢𓆸 it’s a wonder that pearl becker has lasted so long. they always seem to disappear into those woods all alone, and they look real rough and tumble when they get back. if you ask me, they seem pretty neurotic and worrisome for a human, but they earn their reputation as affectionate and protective. but hey, what do i know? they’ve only been here for twenty years. if you need to get in touch, you can probably find them as an owner at once upon a thyme. ⤑ nailea devora, 24, cis woman, she/her 𓇢𓆸 my my, if it isn't ximena reyes, my favorite banshee in town. you know, though people say they can be rather quick-to-judge and skittish, i know they’re really capable and sentimental. but hey, what do i know? i’ve only known them for her whole life. if you need to get in touch, you can probably find them as an stylist at goldie's salon. ⤑ ooc info: bambi, she/her, 22, pst.

⤑ anthony turpel, 23, non - binary, they / he 𓇢𓆸 enzo becker just hasn’t been the same since janurary 2024. i thought they would get even more softspoken and intellegent after they got the reason they were abandoned as a child after all own investigations turned up short, but they’ve only become more guarded and skittish. i’ve known them for twenty years, and i see them all the time at their job as a i.t technician at blackwater town hall, but something just seems… different. ⤑ ooc info: mackie, they/them, 25, est.

#* accepted #appless rp #oc rp #mumu rp #supernatural rp #town rp

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jennyslcte · 3 years ago

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POPULAR FACECLAIMS AND FRESH, NEW PERSONALITIES AND TRAITS TO GIVE THEM. (3/?)

Aaaaaaand we’re back. Happy New Year! In 2022, let’s dive into the world of the unknown and spice up our character game, shall we?

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE AND CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO.

TOM HOLLAND, RAYMOND ABLACK, ANDREW GARFIELD, DYLAN O’BRIEN: The goth kid who never grew out of the phase and always wears dark eyeliner and clothing and runs a community garden with their grandma. The extroverted popular dude with questionable intentions who may or may not have stolen every part of his personality and band.

TOM HARDY, DEV PATEL, ANTHONY MACKIE, PETER GADIOT: The LGBTQIA+ counselor with a traumatic past and an adopted queer teenage child who also has a troubled past. The mattress seller who has a corny commercial on TV that everyone clowns them for.

CHRIS WOOD, PEDRO PASCAL, MANNY MONTANA, STEVEN YEUN: The DJ who’s actually pretty good at what he does but he refuses to take audience requests because he swears his music taste is immaculate. The computer geek who is currently catfishing their penpal of many years and is too afraid to come clean.

HANDE ERCEL, ZOEY DEUTCH, DIANE GUERRO, NATASHIA LIU BORDIZZO: The failed songwriter who has resorted to playing Disney princesses at kid’s parties even though they don’t like kids. The acclaimed writer who fears they may be a one hit wonder because they’ve had writers block every since their first novel release.

ZENDAYA, MADELYN CLINE, EIZA GONZALEZ, NINA DOBREV: The environmentalist who ran for class president and won and is actually kind of annoying and a dork who still hasn’t had their first kiss. The farm girl who pretends to be preppy and cool so everyone will like them until her secret is exposed that they’re nothing of the sort.

LAURA HARRIER, OLIVIA CULPO, PRISCILLA QUINTANA, VICTORIA PEDRETTI: The shy and misunderstood retail worker with a popular blog where she writes about her college classmates under an alias, the antique collector with a small hoarding problem that spends their time polishing creepy looking porcelain dolls and bookshelves of things.

#writing help.#masterlist.#resources.#two different help posts in one day? I'M A REAL RPER NOW LMAO #rph #rpt #rpc #character help #writing help

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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago

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Gold Rush (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist]

Gold Rush [1] / You’re Not Sorry [2] / This Is Me Trying [3] / [4] (soon)

Summary: Your career was blossoming, especially with your new role in “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”. Working on set was a dream come true. It was never your intention to fall for one of your coworkers. Not when you knew that he would never look at you that way.

Words: 2,637

Warnings: language, it’s Anthony Mackie’s world & we’re just living in it, angst, feeeeeels, maybe I cried, maybe I didn’t, we’ll never know, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Inspired by: “gold rush” by Taylor Swift

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

You scored big time when you were casted in the upcoming Marvel series “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”. Working alongside Anthony Mackie & Sebastian Stan had been more than you had ever wished for. The atmosphere on set was harmonious. Everything would have been fine if it were not for your stupid crush on your fellow castmate. Mackie picked up on the fact that you liked Sebastian almost immediately & he teased you about it one too many times. No matter how obvious his teasing, it seemed like Sebastian was completely oblivious to it. Or he acted as if he had no clue. You were not quite sure about that.

The press tour was going strong, which meant that Seb, Mackie & you were teamed up for every interview. Now, that was not something that bothered you too much. After all, you were more than comfortable around them. But when some interviewers did not know where the line was, you got frustrated. Like, okay, we got it. Everyone with eyes knew Seb was hot. But as an interviewer, you should know when to stop. Shamelessly flirting in front of the camera with basically a stranger? Sorry, but you had no explanation for such a behavior. Yes, some interviewers flirted with you, too. But you were great when it came to brushing them off while staying polite. Of course, Mackie’s teasing did not make this any easier for you. Every now & then, he would bring up the chemistry you & Seb shared on screen. And off screen. Like usual, you laughed at him & so did Seb. During interviews, you teased each other a lot, it was a playful manner you all enjoyed. And the audience loved the three of you for it.

Sometimes, when Seb answered a question that had him explain scenes with you or something similar, you hated the butterflies you felt inside. You hated how your cheeks warmed up. You hated that he had such an effect on you. You hated Seb. You hated him for being so perfect. You hated him for being a literal God. You hated him for ruining every other man for you. Because nobody could ever compare to him. And you said that even though you were not even in a relationship. Hell, you were not the only person who looked at him that way. If the interviews were not proof enough, a look at social media did the job, too.

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

“So (Y/N)…” the man sitting opposite of you started. It was not a lot of times that questions were directed at you. Usually, people were more excited to talk to the guys. No offense taken. “The chemistry between Sebastian & you can be felt even after such a short trailer. My question is…are you two, like, a thing?” of course. If you got a question, it was about your love life or about how great you looked in your suit. The others got complex & well thought through questions & you got this shit. Internally rolling your eyes, you stayed professional & answered casually.

“Sebby & I are friends. We work well together. We know each other well enough to communicate with our eyes, body language & so on. Some people mistake that for dating, apparently.” finishing off with a sarcastic chuckle, you had to hide the fact that you wished that there was more between you two.

“I gotta say. Even I think they’re dating sometimes.” Mackie smirked when he spoke up which earned him a light slap from you. Seb only hid his face behind his hand & laughed quietly. It was nothing new. You were used to his teasing by now. Looking over at Seb, you could not help but admire him. Even when he was embarrassed, to you, he was the most beautiful person on this planet. Not a single flaw. Just…perfect. If only you had enough courage to do something about your damn feelings.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

I see me padding across your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

“Stop that.” Mackie walked over to where you were sitting. Finally, you had a break after hours of giving interview after interview. Looking up, your face turned into one of pure confusion.

“Stop what?” he exaggeratedly rolled his eyes at your question.

“The daydreaming.” it was a simple statement. But why would he tell you to stop that?

“What? Is it forbidden to daydream now?” chuckling at him, you offered him one of your coffee cups. Your handler brought you two because you had not slept much that night. But Mackie needed one just as much & he gladly accepted it. Still, he could tell that you were trying to change the topic. Not with him, though. Sitting beside you, he sighed loudly.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” he looked straight forward when he asked that question. Your face fell at his words but maybe, maybe, if you played dumb, you could get out of this conversation without any awkwardness.

“Tell who what?” your innocent eyes bore into his side profile & you saw him shaking his head slightly. A low chuckle escaped him.

“Tell Seb you like him or I will.” he stated & your eyes widened in fear.

“You wouldn’t dream of it.” exclaiming frantically, you grew more nervous at the thought.

“I wouldn’t trust that thought.” & after a few seconds of silence, you breathed out loudly.

“Yeah, sure. And I’d risk our friendship for that? Forget it.”

“He likes you, too, you know?” he casually stated. Your face changed, but only for a second. He was wrong. Someone like Seb could never like you back.

“Stop, Mackie. Don’t just run around assuming shit.” you pushed his shoulder playfully but it did not do too much. What a surprise.

“My running around assuming shit isn’t assuming. It’s facts. You guys are awful, by the way. It’s exhausting, watching you two trying to dodge your feelings. Why can’t you just, I don’t know, get everything sorted out & be happy together? If someone deserves that, it’s you.” yes, Mackie could be sarcastic but when push came to shove, he could be serious, too. And that last part, he meant by heart. Was it true? Did Seb like you? More than a friend? Maybe you should just tell him. Life was too short to be filled with what if’s. It was now or never, right?

At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea

'Cause it could never be

Wrapping up for today, the three of you decided to grab some take-out & eat it back inside your hotel. After quickly showering & dressing more comfortably, you made your way over to Seb’s room. Mackie was already there, he texted you at least ten times to hurry up because they were starving to death. Dramatic diva. Knocking softly, a smile spread across your face when Seb opened the door. Stepping aside to let you in, you greeted Mackie briefly. He was already eating so why the hell was he rushing you earlier? He could be such a child. Seb handed you your food & motioned for you to take a seat on the bed. Take-out in a hotel bed? It should be illegal. Usually, you were not one for eating in bed but whenever you where staying at a hotel, it became some sort of a routine for you. Same for the guys. For a while, the three of you just talked & ate your food. Conversation always flowed easily with them. You knew all of their secrets & they knew all of yours. Well, except for Seb having no clue about your silly crush on him. When he & Mackie discussed a topic you did not know too much about to actually engage in their conversation, you found yourself stealing glances at Seb. If it were not enough for him to be so gorgeous, of course he had the best personality to match that. God really took his time with him. And the weirdest thing of it all was that Seb never let that thought get the best of him. He was aware of people admiring him but that never changed him.

'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

Mackie got a phone call & said goodbye to you before leaving the room. Which meant that Seb & you were alone. It was nothing special, the two of you spent a lot of time together. This time, though, you wanted to confess to him. Finally, you wanted to tell him how you felt. Could you live with the rejection? Well, if things turned in that direction, you had no choice but to. Seb’s lips moved but no sound came out. You zoned out & simply stared at him. Your thoughts were running wild. The sun had already started setting & the golden light illuminated his features in such a beautiful way. It almost looked like a movie scene. He was the masterpiece others could not keep their eyes from. You were this close to speaking up, taking a deep breath for preparation. This could change your bond with him forever.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

My mind turns your life into folklore

I can't dare to dream about you anymore

A phone ringing interrupted you. It was not yours. But Seb pulled his phone out of his pocket. The moment he saw the notification, he started smiling so brightly. The smile you had grown to love so much. It brought a grin to your face, too. The things this man could do to you, completely unaware of the effect he had on you.

“What?” you asked when he could not stop staring at his phone. Had Mackie sent him a message?

“Nothing, it’s just…” he stopped before saying too much but you were having none of it.

“Aw, come on, Sebby. You can tell me anything.” encouraging him, your hand found its way on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Seb seemed almost shy right now. And this was weird because he usually was everything but shy when he talked to you.

“There’s this girl & she’s just…amazing.” your face fell the moment he started talking. No. “I asked her for dinner but when she hadn’t replied after hours, I started losing hope. She just messaged me back.” his smile was sheepish & you hated that you had to admit that he looked happy right now. Genuinely happy. But you were not the reason of his happiness. Another girl was.

“And? What did she say?” deep down, you knew the answer & you actually did not want him to say it out loud. But you were best friends, after all, it was kind of your duty.

“I got myself a date. I’m going on a date with her, (Y/N)!” he beamed & pulled you into a big hug. One, that made the butterflies act out. Fuck, that hurt.

“That’s great, Sebby. I’m happy for you! You deserve it.” your excitement for him was fake but the sincerity behind your last words were not. If one person on this planet deserved endless love & happiness, it was him. Mackie was wrong. Seb had never liked you. Not in that way, at least. And his date saved you from embarrassing yourself & ruining your friendship. That did not change the fact that you felt like crying right now. You could not shed tears in front of him, could not show how much it actually affected you. No. You had to fake a smile. And that shit hurt like a bitch.

At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it

'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea

'Cause it will never be

“Something’s wrong with you.” Mackie stated at breakfast. No shit, Sherlock.

“What makes you think that?” feigning innocence, you rolled your eyes when you saw the look he was giving you.

“Clearly, you’re upset. Did something happen after I left you with Seb yesterday?” he hit the nail on the head with his assumption.

“Yeah.” was all you answered. His eyebrows raised, he waited for you to continue. But when he noticed that you were not planning on engaging in any more conversation with him, he pressed further.

“Did you tell him? Did he mess up?” if Seb messed up, he would kill him. There was no other person who was better for him than you. The two of you deserved each other. And everyone seemed to realize that but you.

“I wanted to tell him.” admitting quietly.

“But?”

“He got a notification.” your short answers made Mackie freak out. He grew frustrated with you when you dragged out this entire conversation.

“(Y/N), come on.” he urged.

“Sebby has a date.”

“With you? But that’s great.” his smile was small but present. Did you finally realize that you were feeling so much more for each other?

“With another girl.” then you looked up at his face, your eyes glossy. Clearly, you were trying to keep it together but he could tell that you had a hard time doing so. Yes, Mackie would kill Seb. He could have sworn that Seb only had eyes for you. The stolen glances, the efforts to make time to spend more with you. What the fuck was going on? When he saw your first tear falling, he wasted no time in pulling you in for a hug. You were broken, all because of one man. But the thing was that he was not just any man. He was Seb. Your best friend. Your everything. But he would never be yours. Not in a million years. Because he only saw you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

It was not like you did not have options. Hell, you declined so many people over the time. All because of him. And you were afraid that this would not change anytime soon. Because you did not think you would ever get over him. Your heart was ripped into a million pieces & the only person who could help you fix it was getting excited over his upcoming date. Whatever you thought could be between you guys, it was nothing but a dream. Something that could never be.

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

Gold Rush [1] / You’re Not Sorry [2] / This Is Me Trying [3] / [4] (soon)

Published (04/22/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @buckysleftarm420 (thanks for your support <3)

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siscosfavoritecomics · 3 years ago

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I wanted to honor #BlackHistoryMonth by highlighting some of the African American/Black comic book characters and creators. For today's post I wanted to shed light on the firstt Black African-American superhero in mainstream comics The Falcon.

The Falcon made his debut in Captain America 117 (1969.) He was created by Stan Lee and Gene Colan. Born in Harlem as Sam Wilson, Wilson was a child of an important Harlem minister. As a child he had an amazing childhood learning to train a variety of birds. As a teen, the racial atmosphere of the time helped to turn Wilson into a protector of the community. Even the deaths of his parents during a fight and a mugging couldn't sway Wilson from his wanting to help others.

Wilson would move his base of operations to Exile Island where the population was been enslaved by the Exiles. He meets Captain America, who was on a mission to take down the Exiles. They team up to finish the job against the Exiles. They work so well together that The Falcon becomes Cap's second crime fighting partner. His gear gets improved by the Black Panther with Wakanda tech.

Falcon would end up joining the Avengers and would take on the Captain America mantle.

In the MCU, the Falcon is played by Anthony Mackie and is also the new Captain America.

#TheFalcon #SamWilson #CaptainAmerica #BlackComics #AfricanAmericanHistory #AfricanAmericanStudies #BlackHistory #BlackStudies #BlackHistoryMatters #Marvel #MarvelComics #AnthonyMackie #Comic #Comics #ComicBook #ComicBooks #SiscosFavoriteComics

https://www.instagram.com/p/CZ0e9EFs7gE/?utm_medium=tumblr

#Black History Month #the Falcon #Sam Wilson #Captain America #Black Comics #African American History #African American Studies #Black History #Black Studies #Black History Matters #Marvel #Marvel Comics #Anthony Mackie #Comic #Comics #Comic Book #Comic Books #SiscosFavoriteComics #HistorySisco

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alastorseye · 4 years ago

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About Remadora

When I say I really hate the HP fandom, I'm talking about the "fans" that hate everything about the saga, but still having Harry Potter accounts. They change the original story, claim that fanonical facts are canon, and launch hatred and death threats at those who simply like HARRY POTTER JUST THE WAY IT IS. Yes, I'm mostly talking about Marauders fans, which I joined after reading the books because I thought it would be interesting and funny. I suddenly realized how toxic and hateful that fandom was, it's like a cult dedicated to deifying Remus, Sirius, James and Regulus, and it seems that hating Snape, Dumbledore, and Remadora is a requirement to be a part of it.

At the beginning I used to consider Wolfstar as something funny, a bromance, it never bothered me, I mean... every fandom has fanon ships and I respect that, but the way they always hate Remadora and their shippers is something that MUST stop.

"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front ofLupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times. . . ." And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes,staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor . . . too dangerous. . ."

When I read this part of the HBP I realized that Remadora was my favorite Harry Potter ship. Of course I wasn't aware of the death threats I'd receive later. I've read some "reasons" why some fans hate Remadora.

"Tonks forced him!"

We all know how insecure Remus was. I don't have to explain what's written in Wizarding World (Pottermore). This is the Remus bio:

Well, we can read that Remus was really attracted to Dora.

"Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten by the young witch. He had never fallen in love before. If it had happened in peacetime, Remus would have simply taken himself off to a new place and a new job, so that he did not have to endure the pain of watching Tonks fall in love with a handsome, young wizard in the Auror office, which was what he expected to happen. However, this was war; they were both needed in the Order of the Phoenix, and nobody knew what the next day would bring. Remus felt justified in remaining exactly where he was, keeping his feelings to himself but secretly rejoicing every time somebody paired him with Tonks on some overnight mission".

This is so sad and cute, and that's undeniable. I cried when I read it. If someone still thinking that Dora forced Remus to marry her after reading this paragraph... I mean... they're probably talking about another book series.

"The age gap!"

I'm so satisfied to know that some Remadora shippers have explained this. When it's about a kid and an adult... OF COURSE IS HORRENDOUS! Because children are not physically and mentally prepared to have romantic relationships. Wizards are legally adults at 17, REMUS MET TONKS WHEN SHE WAS 21!

I mean, many old people abuses of young people innocence, or something. But we all know that Remus wasn't one of those! He really loved Tonks, and that's canon. I don't know what's doing in the fandom people who denies canon facts.

Remus and Tonks were two physically, mentally, and legally adults loving each other.

"Remus didn't love her!"

He was an introvert, Tonks was an extrovert, she made his life better. And of course, I loved the way he introduced himself when he was trying to prove he wasn't a Death Eater:

"I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, one of the four creators of the Marauder's Map, married to Nymphadora, usually known as Tonks, and I taught you how to produce a Patronus, Harry, which takes the form of a stag." (Remus Lupin, DH)

Maybe I'm not the only one who perceive he was proud to be Nymphadora Tonks husband.

"I.. I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and have regretted it very much every since". (Remus Lupin, DH)

This phrase makes more sense after reading Remus bio. He used to think that he was "too poor, too dangerous" for her. He thought he wasn't enough for her. He never imagined that she would love him back. He was a werewolf, and of course he knew he was dangerous, you only need to be emphatic to realize he tried to get away from Tonks because he loved her, he didn't want to hurt his beloved woman!

If you don't believe me, read this again. It's in the chapter 11 of Deathly Hallows:

"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child? I should never have married her, I've made her an outcast!"

So, if Remus was trying to escape it's because he loved them, he thought he spoiled their lives. And of course, no one likes to feel that their influence is bad for someone they love!

"Their relationship came from nowhere! They don't have a development"

Well, the saga's name is HARRY POTTER, not The Love Life of Remus Lupin. The story is about the tragic life of this kid and everything he went through to save the world of a cruel and dark villain. I know many readers are young people in love, and they only want to ship everything, but that's not the main topic here, maybe mother's love would be the topic. Of course Ron and Hermione had a development because they were HARRY'S BEST FRIENDS, and they were always with him, from Philosopher's Stone to Cursed Child. Remus and Tonks are minor characters, and it's funny the fact that this usually comes from Wolfstar shippers, so... is Wolfstar more developed than Remadora?! I mean... they can ship whatever they want, Snape and the Sorting Hat, Dobby and Voldemort, anything, but that does not give them the right to disrespect such a cute, tragic and beautiful canon ship as Remadora.

"They are queercoded! Their relationship is homophobic!"

It's surprising to hear this. It's like... people gets angry just because the author doesn't make queer their favourite characters? I will explain why I don't think Remus and Tonks are "queercoded":

Whether through their dress, their behavior, their language, or other subtle forms of implication, queer characters were written or designed to communicate their unstated queerness to those who were searching for representation.

And this is the definition on the website Pride.com:

"Using LGBTQIA tropes and stereotypes to allude to a character's sexuality without explicitly confirming it in the text."

We all know that Disney used queercoding on characters like Ursula, Scar, Jaffar. And why do we know that? Because DISNEY WANTED TO PORTRAY THEM LIKE THAT, get it? Disney, THE CREATORS MADE THESE CHARACTERS INTENTIONALLY QUEER. How? BASED ON STEREOTYPES.

And going back to Remadora, I was really happy to see by first time a bada*ass woman, with short hair who wasn't portrayed as a lesbian just because the way she looks. This character didn't follow the: "Straight women have long hair and are girly", and "short dyied hair is for lesbians". I'm very very very surprised the fandom follows these stereotypes.

About Remus: I don't know how the phrase "being a werewolf is a metaphor about people with HIV AIDS" means "he's gay". Fenrir Greyback bit him when he was a kid. Many people interpret this as "r4pe". Okay, even thinking that it is the meaning of the "bite", I still cannot understand how being "r4ped" and "infected" makes him queer. Is this (again) a stereotype about people with AIDS and gay?

"JK Rowling created Remadora because she didn't like people shipping Wolfstar!"

It is true that fans love shipping everything, they queerbait and queercode everything. That's great, that's not the problem. The problem is when people starts bashing fans who ship canon straight couples. A very good example is the polemic on Falcon and Bucky relationship, some fans wanted them to be a gay couple, Anthony Mackie said that two men can only be friends, and there is no need to always give them a romantic connotation. People cancelled him, they called him homophobic. Yes, just because a person with authority (on the story they're following") didn't like the fact of queercoding their favourite characters. It's the same about Remadora.

Grindeldore is a very interesting and underrated couple by the way. You can love or hate JK Rowling, but the truth is that Harry Potter story is hers, and even if Remadora was "because she didn't like Wolfstar", she is the author, it was her mind where these characters first appeared, as a big Harry Potter fan I respect and like the original story, that's not a sin. An author has the right to make some changes if some characters were misunderstood by the readers.

(Yes, I wrote this a bit angrily since I've seen too much hate towards Remadora shippers)

#remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #harrypotter #anti toxic shippers #hp #ronks #harry potter

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years ago

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scrubs.

pairing: doctor!sebastian stan x biomedical scientist!reader

warnings: none

> next chapter

The coffee cup was laying neatly on his desk by the computer screen with surgeon-like precision. After years and years of studying, being an intern, and serving crazy, late or early rotas, Sebastian had got used to being the resident doctor. His routine, although unpredictable, had some sort of shape and one of the things he enjoyed doing was having his cup of coffee while looking at his first patient’s record before he could come in. Of course, like in every single job, there were unpredictable factors and for him it always seemed to be lack of test results in his record files.

- Hey ... - he called out for one of the nurses who was passing by. She stopped by his door, poking her head in. - Where are the blood culture results from this patient?

- The laboratory sent the samples back up. You’ll have to order a blood culture again.

- Fucking hell ... - he mumbled to himself, throwing the file onto the table.

Of course, Sebastian never got to fully take his coffee. If he did, it normally meant she was on holiday. The biggest unpredictability of the job wasn’t the patients or the constant urgencies, no, the biggest unpredictability in his job was a woman. Not just every woman, no, a biomedical scientist in the microbiology department which always seemed to deny his tests or contest every medical opinion he had.

He sighed as he pressed the lift’s button to the laboratory floor. There was always an unseen line between the doctors, nurses and assistants on the upper floors and the laboratory staff on the lower floor. Doctors barely showed up in the laboratory yet again not all doctors had a biomedical scientist after them. Actually, no other doctor had a war with a biomedical scientist, just him. Lucky him.

- Stan, put a lab coat on. - speaking of the devil. - Did they not tech you health and safety in med school?

- It’s Dr. Stan. - he grudgingly grabbed the lab coat she has extended over to him, stopping him from getting any further into her department. She was right about that, but he wasn’t gonna give her that. - It’s 8 AM, are you already hiding from your responsibilities?

- Where are my blood culture results, Y/N? I have a patient coming in 50 minutes and I can’t tell them what’s wrong with them.

- That’s not my problem. - she turned around but he followed her still. - Will you please leave? I have work to do.

- Oh really? Considering you haven’t given me the results, I’d think you just slack off the whole day here. - he sighed. - C’mon, Y/N.

- I’m sorry, Dr. Stan but maybe you should instruct your nurses in what correct blood culture bottle to send the blood samples. If you suspected anaerobic bacteremia why did you sent it in an aerobic bottle? They’re dead, I cannot plate dead bacteria. Now if you please, I have work to do.

- Did they or did you just lose the sample again?

- Unlike you, Dr. Stan I do my job correctly. Now if you don’t mind, I have requests from Doctors who know what they’re doing.

Sebastian grumbled, taking the lab coat on tossing it onto the hook. Y/N grinned to herself as she returned to her microscope, mentally celebrating the fact she had once again managed to upset Dr. Stan. It wasn’t that he was a bad doctor, he wasn’t, he was just too lenient with his staff while Y/N was razor sharp focused on getting work done so whenever a sample came in bad state, unlike other department senior scientists, she’d just deny them and go do tests on good samples. That particular mindset resonated with her superiors but Dr. Stan enjoyed coming downstairs to give her an earful as if she could do something. Well, she could do something, she could go upstairs and train the staff herself but she wasn’t paid for that and it seriously was not her job to do so.

- Dr. Stan, again? - Miriam, one of the scientists who had started around the same time as her and had experienced as many of their fights as there had been, sat by her side. - You two seriously need to fuck.

- Miriam! - she widened her eyes, looking around to see if someone had heard them. - Why don’t you say it louder?

- Listen when me and cute butt from haematology we’re feuding, we fucked it out during the Christmas party and look at us now ... - she smirked taking the necklace with her engagement ring from under her laboratory coat. - Besides, he is a doctor.

- He’s too old. - she returned to inspecting the Gram slide under her microscope, but Miriam had other plans, turning off the light in her microscope.

- He’s in his 30s. That’s a baby in doctor years besides you two are making everyone miserable.

- I will make you miserable if you don’t start analysing the new samples.

Telling a patient he needed to give blood samples again sounded easy enough. After all, Sebastian had had a whole communication module during med school and almost ten years worth of experience yet nothing compared to listening to a patient yell at him before he even had lunch. Surely with the amount of times, Y/N had done this to him he would be used to it now but not when all he’d have was coffee. With a scowl on his face, he walked into the cafeteria. Damned Y/N, damned Y/N and her petty fighting.

- Seb! - Dr. Mackie set his tray on his table. They’d done their residency together and he had even been present when he and Y/N had their first encounter and fight. - Word is you’ve already had your first fight with Y/N. What’d you do now?

- I didn’t do anything. Blood came in the wrong bottle and she didn’t even try doing the test.

- You’re whining, Stan.

- Anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I have this patient, keeps complaining that he has an infection but there’s no markers.

- Hey man, I specialised in tropical diseases. Probability is, it’s not that. Why don’t you ask Y/N? She’s a microbiologist and you love to go over to see her.

- Really, Mackie?

- You can ask someone else but you and Y/N like each other so much. Maybe she’ll give you a kiss if you get it right.

- Thanks for nothing, Mackie.

- Hey, maybe if you and her start dating, the upstairs and the downstairs people will finally have a peace alliance.

Back to the microbiology laboratory it was. He couldn’t even remember what the two of them had started bickering about, but he knew it was around the time she had first started at the hospital. It wasn’t that she wasn’t smart, god no, Sebastian knew she was smart and completely capable and probably the reason why she had become a senior scientist quite fast; however, she was extremely argumentative and whenever she had to assist in one of his cases, they always ended up arguing. To be honest, she did look quite adorable whenever she was fuming at him, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose and pointing aggressively at the results.

- STAN! LAB COAT! - he was taken from his thought by the same woman throwing a laboratory coat on him. - I will report you to the board if you keep walking into my lab without a lab coat on.

- I need your help.

- Okay. - she opened one of the various drawers in the laboratory, taking three bottles and placing it on the table in front of her. - It’s very simple. Yellow for paediatric, red for anaerobic and green for aerobic. Paediatric means child, anaerobic means no air, and aerobic means air.

- Seriously, Y/N? I know what it means.

- Do you? - she cocked an eyebrow at him. - Don’t worry, we got the samples right these time. I have someone working overnight so you’ll have your precious results. Besides, it is probably negative. Looking at the sheet doesn’t really scream bacteremia. It might just be a localised infection which has the potential to become bacteremia. Unless it’s an AMR case, it’s probably no fuss.

- Great. It’s not that I need help with though.

- Can’t you do your own job, Dr. Stan?

- 40 year old male, complaining of infection like symptoms but no markers. - he handed her the file which she skimmed through.

- Did you check for CRP? White blood cell count?

- White blood cell count is slightly high but not in a way which would really indicate an infection. Know of anything like that?

- I can run some tests but I don’t really know. - she shrugged. - Have you asked Dr. Mackie? Patient been in any tropical locations?

- He told me to ask you.

- Aw so even he knows that you suck at being a doctor?

- You know what, Y/N? You would be cute if you weren’t so argumentative.

- Don’t try to butter me up, Dr. Stan. I will ask around my colleagues, see if anyone has any idea before dinner time and then I’ll let you know.

- Are you asking me for dinner?

- Yes, because having dinner in the green light cafetaria with you is totally my idea of romance. I mean, why not take me here now in this table?

- Now, Miss Y/L/N, that’s is against health and safety protocols. You should know.

- Do they not teach you sarcasm in med school?

- We’ll talk about it during our dinner date.

- It is not a dinner date, I’m just giving you data.

- It’s a date. I’m telling everyone.

- Don’t you dare!

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan/you #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan/reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan/y/n #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan au #doctor!sebastian stan

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ratatatastic · 1 month ago

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wait i thought mackie was matthew's child... does that mean my fave ship sashew is childless 😭😭

you have to understand sashew are team mom and dad so any child that toddles into the locker room its a hen who gets given an egg to incubate they do not care whos egg it is whether its a goose or a duck it is THE communal egg now kind of situation

they are not childless they have some sort of custody over EVERY child

#ask #communal rookies #not like that but im not opposed to i guess like that?#lmaooooo #in a sense mackie is mini maffhew in the way your kid does not resemble you but resembles your brother in looks and attitude #and youre like oh what the fuck WHY ARE YOU LIKE YOUR UNCLE #the weirdest clusterfuck ever #trust me i resemble my uncles from my moms side and she just sighs into her hand #(shes the oldest of the siblings and me reminding her of her baby brother does cause her so much psychic damage)#does that make sense? its that kind of situation #forsblad kid but too eerily similar to maffhew you feel?

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rose-tinted-juls · 4 years ago

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juliana's fav tv shows updated: 26.07.2021.

la casa de papel / money heist (2017-) nationality: spanish created by: álex pina main actors: úrsula corberó, álvaro morte, itziar ituño, pedro alonso, miguel herrán, jaime lorente, esther acebo, alba flores short summary (imdb): "an unusual group of robbers attempt to carry out the most perfect robbery in spanish history - stealing 2.4 billion euros from the royal mint of spain." seasons: 4 - (season 5 is coming in september + december 2021) why i love it (in a few words): it's thrilling, all the characters are perfectly written, i love listening to spanish speech, the actors are awesome, SO INCREDIBLE PLOT, uncountable twists, i got attached so fast, i binge watched it, it never feels forced

band of brothers (2001) nationality: american created by: tom hanks, steven spielberg main actors: damian lewis, ron livingston, ross mccall, rick gomez, james madio, kirk acevedo, neal mcdonough, scott grimes, dexter fletcher, donnie wahlberg short summary (imdb): "the story of easy company of the u.s. army 101st airborne division, and their mission in world war ii europe, from operation overlord, through v-j day." - based on the book band of brothers by stephen e. ambrose seasons: 1 why i love it (in a few words): it's ww2 and i'm a huge ww2 enthusiast, i love hbo war, it shows the good and the bad, we follow the whole journey of these soldiers and it's amazing, the actors are absolutely incredible, their friendships are 100/10, the cinematography is beautiful, it's based on a true story

downton abbey (2010-) nationality: english created by: julian fellowes main actors: hugh bonneville, maggie smith, michelle dockery, dan stevens, robert james-collier, allen leech, penelope wilton, matthew goode, lily james short summary (imdb): "a chronicle of the lives of the british aristocratic crawley family and their servants in the early twentieth century." seasons: 6 + 1 movie (the second movie comes in december 2021) why i love it (in a few words): it has phenomenal actors, the plot is exciting-thrilling, there are twists you don't expect, so many love stories and i love them, fantastic characters, it's often so funny i can't stop laughing, dame maggie smith and her performance as the dowager is just incredible and i love her, costumes on point, tom branson o.o

broadchurch (2013-2017) nationality: british created by: chris chibnall main actors: david tennant, olivia colman, jodie whittaker, arthur darvill short summary (imdb): "the murder of a young boy in a small coastal town brings a media frenzy, which threatens to tear the community apart." seasons: 3 why i love it (in a few words): david tennant, his scottish accent i can't-, olivia colman, their duo oh my god these two together are something extraordinary, it's such a thrilling show wow, SO MANY PLOT TWISTS, cinematography is phenomenal and gorgeous, it's so funny at times oh lord (especially david), it's impossible to stop watching

the pacific (2010) nationality: american created by: tom hanks, steven spielberg main actors: joe mazzello, jon seda, james badge dale, rami malek, ashton holmes short summary (imdb): "the pacific theatre of world war ii, as seen through the eyes of several young marines." seasons: 1 why i love it (in a few words): hbo war, it's ww2 and i'm such an enthusiast of it, joe mazzello is incredible oh my, it's a bit graphic (for some people it's too graphic and i can see why) but i love it, it makes you feel you're there fighting and like wow, actually all the actors are amazing in it, we see three different story lines so we get to know different aspects of the whole thing

the crown (2016-) nationality: british created by: peter morgan main actors: claire foy, matt smith, olivia colman, tobias menzies, vanessa kirby, helena bonham carter, josh o'connor, emma corrin short summary (imdb): "follows the political rivalries and romance of queen elizabeth ii's reign and the events that shaped the second half of the twentieth century." seasons: 4 - (season 5 and 6 are in the making) why i love it (in a few words): i've always been interested in queen elizabeth's life, this is a look inside the royal family that you don't often have, the actors are SO AMAZING, honestly sometimes it's so funny and then the next minute it's heartbreaking, it teaches me more about them than anything else, i guess it gives you their point of view so you can understand them a lil bit better, as a child i loved the british royal family so baby me is happy inside when i watch it

the falcon and the winter soldier (2021) nationality: american created by: malcolm spellman - stan lee main actors: anthony mackie, sebastian stan, wyatt russell, daniel brühl short summary (imdb): "following the events of 'avengers: endgame', sam wilson / falcon and bucky barnes / winter soldier team up in a global adventure that tests their abilities - and their patience." seasons: 1 why i love it (in a few words): i'm a huge marvel fan, my fav characters are sam and bucky, SEBASTIAN STAN, it's funny (honestly which marvel movie/series isn't?), the cinematography is gorgeous, the plot is great, fight scenes on point

biohackers (2020-) nationality: german created by: christian ditter main actors: luna wedler, jessica schwarz, adrian julius tillmann short summary (imdb): "a fast-paced thriller following medical student mia akerlund who discovers the use of highly advanced biohacking technology in her university town." seasons: 2 why i love it (in a few words): exciting, plays in a city i know, plot twists, the cinematography is amazing, a beautiful show honestly, the plot is interesting and one of a kind imo, the actors are pretty great

the mandalorian (2019-) nationality: american created by: jon favreau main actors: pedro pascal short summary (imdb): "the travels of a lone bounty hunter in the outer reaches of the galaxy, far from the authority of the new republic." seasons: 2 - (season 3 is coming) why i love it (in a few words): i love star wars and the star wars universe, pedro pascal is amazing, honestly i fell in love with pedro just by his voice literally without even knowing his face, BABY YODA, the character development, exciting plot, pretty awesome fight scenes, great actors

the queen's gambit (2020) nationality: american created by: scott frank, allan scott main actors: anya taylor joy, thomas brodie-sangster, harry melling, jacob fortune-lloyd short summary (imdb): "orphaned at the tender age of nine, prodigious introvert beth harmon discovers and masters the game of chess in 1960s usa. but child stardom comes at a price." seasons: 1 why i love it (in a few words): cinematography is beautiful, anya taylor joy is gorgeous, and she's such a talent oh my, i love chess, the plot, TBS is in it, it's a show you can't not binge watch it just pulls you in

( +1 )

peaky blinders (2013-) nationality: british created by: steven knight main actors: cillian murphy, paul anderson, helen mccrory, joe cole, finn cole short summary (imdb): "a gangster family epic set in 1900s england, centering on a gang who sew razor blades in the peaks of their caps, and their fierce boss tommy shelby." seasons: 5 - (season 6 is coming) why i love it (in a few words): i love mob stuff in general, so amazing actors oh my, cillian murphy, helen mccrory, it's so dark i love it, plot plot plot, the soundtrack is phenomenal (especially when it's arctic monkeys shhh), it's british (yay)

#juliana's fav series #juliana's movie rec #tv show recommendations #fav series: tfatws #fav series: the crown #fav series: broadchurch #fav series: hbo war #fav series: queen's gambit #fav series: biohackers #fav series: la casa de papel #fav series: peaky blinders #fav series: the mandalorian

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thebestpersonherelovesbucky · 4 years ago

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Falcon and the Winter Soldier Ep. 5 Takeaway

That opening scene was very intense to say the least. John Walker doing everything he could to justify his actions. Freaking out on himself and the entire situation. All that aggression in his grief.

Both Sam and Bucky trying to talk John down before fighting.

Their entire fight over the shield, the bloody shield at that. Omg how powerful. Sam fighting John on his own. “I am Captain America.” John ripping Sam’s wings off and then literally almost killing Sam with the shield. WTF, dude???

Sam and Bucky working together to get the shield away from him. Perfect.

Bucky, buddy, I love you and I know you’re hurting, but when Steve dropped the shield for you it was meaningful. You were just acting like a man-child. Sorry.

Sam wiping the blood off the shield. Holy fuck the raw emotion there. The symbolism. Mackie’s acting is incredible in everything but I think this scene takes the cake for me.

Joaquin Torres. “Sometimes there’s nothing to do until there’s something to do.” Can that man be any more adorable??

I do have to say that I felt sympathy for John Walker during the hearing. Not so much for him but the scene was definitely a testament to how we treat our veterans.

“I am Captain America.” Hence why I don’t feel for him much. It’s all about the glory for him even if his intentions are noble.

Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine???? Where the hell did she come from?? What??

Oh how I loved Bucky holding the gun to Zemo’s head. Especially knowing that Zemo has been waiting to die and Bucky not killing him and Bucky giving him to the Dora instead.

“We’re gonna do it our own way.” We’re. WE’RE.

Ayo and Bucky being cool again.

The subtitles said ELI. ELI BRADLEY!!

Sam’s visit to Isiah was so rough and heartbreaking. Isiah’s anger and bitterness is just so justified. “If you ain’t bitter, you’re blind.” Everything that happened to him. The lies they were told when given the serum. The fact that Isiah was punished and suffered the most horrible consequences for doing exactly the same thing Steve did in Azzano that made him a hero. The fact that he’d rather remain “dead” than even take a chance letting Sam have him recognized as the hero he is. His reasons for hating the shield and the mantel and never wanting a Black man to take them.

Sam’s community coming together to help him and his family. No one even hesitated. So beautiful.

Bucky showing up and just nonchalantly helping but still trying to be all stoic and shit but then just falling into that adorable caretaking role.

Bucky and Sarah “flirting” omg that charming smile of his.

Bucky just ripping things up. I love it when someone has super strength and you get to see it used in their every day life.

Sam and Bucky being buddies while fixing the boat.

Sam “you’re so stupid just stay here before i beat your ass” Wilson

I don’t think Lemar’s sister was too taken by John’s sympathy. Not to mention he straight up lied about who killed him. Still not happy with the white man pain route they took to get here.

Um. Wtf are they doing with Sharon? I’ve loved this so much and I s2g if they make Sharon into a villain I will burn them down. Seriously. Wtf.

The contrast between seeing Bucky waking on the floor from a nightmare in the first episode to him waking on Sam’s couch and watching his nephews playing with the shield. That little smile he gets when they’re like “oh shit! we’re caugh! run run run!”

How naturally Sam and Bucky have fallen into a friendship even if they’re a pair of dopes who won’t say it.

Sarah Wilson is a gift to mankind.

Sam and Bucky basically having a catch with the shield.

The confirmation that Steve and Bucky both spoke about giving Sam the shield. I mean, I inferred that they did based on context clues but it’s awesome to hear it said out loud.

Bucky finally admitting that he’s been wrong this whole time in giving Sam an attitude about it and apologizing (also adding that what happened with Walker wasn’t Sam’s fault). I also like that Sam doesn’t say “it’s okay” or “you don’t have to apologize” or something like that. Instead he says, “Thank you”, acknowledging and accepting the apology while not lessening Bucky’s actions that led to it.

Sam and Bucky’s heart to heart.

“You call me when you have a lead. I’ll be there.”

We’re not friends. Nope. Not at all. Not friends. WE’RE BESTIES!!!!!!

Sarah and Sam’s heart to heart.

I’d like to thank everyone involved in putting together the Sam Practicing with The Shield montage. The Falcon music. The shots of him slowly getting better with it. The close up of those ARMS. The running. The push-ups. The flips. The shirtless. I’m only one person. How do they expect me to handle that?

Sam’s nephew tracing the star.

So, I wanted Batroc to come back but I certainly didn’t want it to be with Sharon’s help. I’m...I swear if they do her dirty. No. Just fucking no.

Karli. I feel for her. I feel her pain. But she needs to be stopped. In Sam and Bucky’s way. Not Zemo’s way.

Sam finally got his wing from Wakanda! I’ve been waiting for this since the moment they broke in The Winter Soldier. I cannot wait to see them in action!!!

The post credit scene of John Walker making his US Agent uniform.

I cannot believe there is only one episode left. I have no clue how they’re going to wrap this up and I’m really fucking scared but also super excited.

#sam wilson #bucky barnes #john walker #captain america #falcon and the winter soldier #mcu #marvel #mcu shows #fws spoilers #my stuff

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nightwingshero · 5 years ago

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WIP It’s Wednesday, darlings!

I was tagged by the wonderful @deathvalleyqueen thank you, my dear!!

Tagging: @xbaebsae @pd3 @tomexraider @risenlucifer @faithchel @ja-crispea @dieguzguz @mackie-hattwie @smithandrogers @red-nightskies and whoever else would like to share!!!

So, I am definitely not writing this in order. And I think that while I’m currently working on a lot of scenes at the moment, this is one of the more put-together ones I have. For those that have watched it, this takes place the night of the ballet. So...Mosley and Dahlia share some words...not fun. Angsty stuff ahead, lads.

“What happened, Dahlia?” she asked.

“M-my daughter. He threatened my daughter, Liz.” I choked out, and my chest rips to shreds. “He threatened me and my daughter—”

My voice breaks as she pulls me in for a hug, and I cling to her like a child myself. But I didn’t know how else to act. Granted, she was with her Aunt Ruth and Uncle Harry in Margate, but that would end soon. They would have to come back eventually, and danger awaited her.

“I miss him.” I sniffed. “I miss him so damn much, Lizzie. I wish he were here.”

She pulls back, squeezing my shoulders. “I know. I know, Dahlia. And we know he wouldn’t have given it another thought of putting that evil man down.” My face contorts in pain as fresh tears come and I look down. My heart has broken again, and I feel disgusting in my own skin from Mosley being so close. “He would have, Dahlia. Alfie wouldn’t let anyone touch you, he loved you.”

“I want Alfie, I want my husband, Lizzie.” I pleaded, doubling over from the pain that has become too much to bear once again. I’m thankful for her presence, but I wish desperately that it was someone else that was comforting me. It’s a strangled scream that escapes my mouth this time.

“I’m sorry, sister. I’m so sorry.” Lizzie breaths and I can tell she’s shedding silent tears of her own.

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him.” My gaze snaps to hers, pain and rage running rampant in my veins. “For threatening my people, my community, my family. For laying a hand on me without permission, for disrespecting my husband, for daring to even mention him and my daughter, I will cut out his fucking tongue!” I screamed.

There’s no response from her, she just shifts her attention to my throat, analyzing it to make sure I was okay. I wince from the tenderness and she says something about bruising, but I don’t fully comprehend it. My mind, my emotions, were scattered, tearing me apart on the inside. I don’t even notice that she’s helping me undress, laying me in my bed and tucking me in, holding me until she believes I’ve fallen asleep. She slips out while cursing Tommy under her breath.

And I lay there, in the quiet room, under the blankets, watching the darkness. There was reason for concern, because the longer I looked, the more I could see him. Thoughts, wistful memories, of Aunt Pol talking to spirits, having dreams all came to mind, and I had stopped drinking for this reason. Because I knew, deep down, that it wasn’t his ghost. No, I knew that. But I knew well enough that the more I wanted him, the more real he seemed to become, and I allowed myself, for just the night, to allow my mind to go down this rabbit hole. I needed the comfort, needed him to be my anchor despite the absolute insanity of it. But there it is, my mind pushing to the point that if I concentrate hard enough, I can feel his warm breath and the cool rings on his fingers. And that’s what eventually lulls me to sleep, with the sound of his voice, that deep voice washing over me like a psalm.

“Dahlia.”

I turn, my head held high as Tommy walked into the dining room the next morning. He looked exhausted, purely drained with paler skin than usual. If I wasn’t still so pissed at him, I would have been more concerned. My attention goes back to my breakfast, not in the mood to deal with him. I was exhausted, up and down all night from nightmares and fear that Mosley would enter my room in the night.

Tommy pulls a chair to sit next to me, his elbow on the table as he leans forward but it’s quiet. I can see something in his eyes, before it shifts, and he finally speaks again. “I need you to pack, Dahlia.”

Scoffing, I lay my fork down in frustration, throwing him a look. “Pack? You want me to pack? I have a daughter, Tommy, and she will be returning tomorrow from holiday, and I fully intend to be here to receive her.” I respond coolly, and he meets my gaze.

“I’ve just gotten off the phone with Ruth and Harry, they’re staying for a bit longer. I need you to pack, after the family meeting and some business is taken care of, you and I have someone we need to meet with. Pack.”

“What?” I asked, exasperated as he quickly stood, and began to walk out. “Tommy! You can’t just control everyone’s lives, it doesn't work that way! Thomas!”

There isn’t another word said as he disappeared around the corner, leaving me in the ringing silence.

#dahlia strong #lizzie shelby #tommy shelby #peaky blinders #my oc

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saiilorstars · 5 years ago

Text

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 10: Of All Moms

/ Story Masterlist /

Fandom: Law & Order SVU

Pairing: Rafael Barba x Original female character

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: While SVU deals with a case that reminds Montserrat of a part of her childhood. However, that may cause some future trouble for her...

Montserrat had just sat down to have some breakfast when someone knocked on the door. "You have got to be kidding me," she put her fork down and glared at the door. Sonny had told her he would be coming by to pick her up for work. It was a nice gesture but Montserrat was almost sure it had to do with the fact he wanted to catch brief moments with her roommate instead.

Bitterly, she got up from her chair and went to answer it. Her momentary annoyance was forgotten when she came face to face with a tall, black haired man. However, with the black curls over the man's head it wasn't difficult to place him."Hi, Damian," Montserrat greeted Kara's older brother. "I didn't expect you to be here."

Likewise," Damian Mackie had a charming smile that only seemed to get better as the years passed by.

"Kara didn't tell you I was rooming with her for a while?" Montserrat left the door and went to retrieve her breakfast on the table. Damian walked in and closed the door for them. "I've been here for a couple months now."

"No, I think she did. I just missed it when she rambled on about other things," Damian shrugged, making Montserrat chuckle. "But you look great. I haven't seen you in a while."

"Try two years," Montserrat slipped some oatmeal into her mouth.

"Well it's kinda difficult to get ahold of one of New York's finest Detectives," Damian's dramatic bow was met with a roll of eyes. He chuckled and looked into the hallway. "Is my sister ready? We promised our parents we'd be on time."

"It's so cute they're having a little anniversary day with their kids," Montserrat smiled.

"Well you know, maybe we can catch up afterwards?" Damian casually asked.

"I'd have to check my schedule," Montserrat laughed at such an ironic line. "It's not a lie. My job really is that unpredictable."

There was another knock on the door and this time Montserrat was sure it was her partner. She held her oatmeal bowl and walked for the door despite Damian attempting to do it for her.

"Morning," Sonny stood tall and cheery. He crinkled his nose the moment he smelled oatmeal. "Who eats oatmeal these days? How old are you again?"

"29 you jerk," Montserrat frowned and turned back for the apartment.

Sonny still smiled as he walked into the apartment, but when he saw Damian he immediately got serious. "Morning."

"Uuh, morning," Damian slowly greeted back and glanced at Montserrat.

"He's my partner from work," Montserrat was hurriedly trying to finish her oatmeal. "Sonny, meet Damian. Damian, meet Sonny. Damian is Kara's older brother, my friend and yadda, yadda…"

Sonny shook his head while his partner practically devoured her oatmeal. Still, he shook Damian's hand. "Nice to meet you. Kara mentioned you. Well, she mentioned you and Montse's brother. You're both architects, right?"

"Right," Damian nodded. "We're actually working on an important company building right now."

"I know that," Montserrat swallowed the last of her oatmeal and dumped the bowl into the sink. "I've had to babysit three times in one week because you guys can't get things right."

"Not true," Damian swayed his head. "Sometimes we just wanna get drinks."

Montserrat gave a deadpanning look. "You better be lying."

Damian took one step back and called for his sister. "Hurry up, Kara! Before Montserrat shoots me!"

Kara emerged stuffing things into her purse. "Whatever you did I'm sure you deserve it."

"Oh some sister you are," Damian rolled his eyes.

Kara had a good comeback ready to go before she saw Sonny. She beamed at his presence. "Hi! Are you picking up Montse again?"

The ginger in question shook her head and narrowed her eyes at them. Using me as an excuse to go all googly-eyes on each other.

"Yeah, she asked me to," Sonny didn't even notice the flat out lie he said. Montserrat gaped and had half a mind to smack him. She felt one month into SVU granted her the perk of smacking a co-worker if they deserve it.

"Always so kind," Kara's big smile didn't go unnoticed by her brother.

Damian cleared his throat. "We do have parents waiting. You can do this another time."

Unlike Montserrat who thought about smacking, Kara did it. Damian groaned when his sister's hand smacked him on the chest. "I'll...be in the car…" Damian gave a wave for Montserrat and Sonny then headed out the door.

"I'll see you later," Kara very sweetly told Sonny as if they already had plans.

"Of course," Sonny stepped aside so she could walk out. Kara smiled all the way out, as did Sonny.

"Seriously?" Montserrat crossed her arms and was unamusingly looking at her partner. "You're just gonna stare at my roommate's ass right in front of me?"

"I -I was not-"

"Don't you lie to me, Dominick Carisi," Montserrat pointed at him. "And just so you know, when I use your full name it means I'm serious. And I'm serious right now."

Sonny playfully rolled his eyes. "Are you ready?"

"No! Because you keep showing up early just to meet with Kara and leave me hanging with either half of my breakfast or nothing at all!" Montserrat's exclaim was met with an amused smile. "I need to eat to survive if you've forgotten!" she made way for the living room but stopped just to point at him. "And I definitely didn't like it when you came in ten minutes after my alarm went off! What the hell even was that!?"

Sonny couldn't stop laughing. It had been honest accident that allowed him to see what Montserrat looked like in the morning. He learned that she had a much more colorful vocabulary in the early hours. "Alright, alright, what if I buy you some cannolis to make it up?"

"...turn those into almond brownies and a vanilla latte and you, my friend, have a deal."

Unfortunately, their deal wasn't made through on account of an urgent case they were both called onto. They followed the directions and sure enough came to a building swarming with officers.

"What the hell happened?" Montserrat called to Fin who was overseeing the procession.

"Little girl somehow got out on that balcony. It looks like she's stuck," Fin pointed to the higher levels of the apartment building where they could see a little girl out on a balcony, over a table. She staggered every second or so, threatening to fall over.

"Where are the parents?" Sonny scowled, outraged the little girl was left unsupervised up to that point.

"Neighbors don't know. Amaro and Rollins are with ESU trying to get inside," Fin said and pulled up his phone. "The door's barricaded."

"Is Liv here yet?" Montserrat figured their Sergeant would be inside the building trying to get into that apartment but so far they hadn't heard any communications from the inside.

"Nah, she's at Baby Boy Doe's hearing. She was on her way last I heard."

"What?" the ginger woman said in confusion. "Who?"

"Earlier case," Fin waved it off and focused on the fact two men were throwing ropes over the front of the building. It seemed like the apartment was still inaccessible.

As soon as they had the girl in safety, the remaining detectives rushed into the building. Thankfully, Olivia arrived not too long after that.

"Check it out, someone left her with everything she could possibly need," Nick pointed to the kitchen table of the girl's apartment that was covered in food, toys and movies.

"Yeah except a mom," Montserrat mumbled as she passed him, though she was heard quite fine.

She went into the hallway to see what else they could find but it was a surprisingly clean apartment. Laundry was closed locked but the bedroom and the bathroom weren't. Opposite of her, Sonny and Fin took check of the plumbing and found that the hot water was off, as well as the stove in general.

"Girl's name is Maddie. Mother's Jenny Aschler. We haven't located her yet," Amanda was informing Olivia after the Sergeant arrived.

"How is Maddie?" Olivia peered around the blonde detective to see the young girl sniffling on the couch.

"She's scared, not hurt. She pushed a chair to the balcony door, unlocked it. Says she climbed out there to feed the birds."

"We didn't notice before but these are meals that you can eat without any preparation," Montserrat picked up a pack of crackers. She then reached for grapes that had been neatly pursed into a Ziploc bag. "And others that have already been prepared. My Dad used to do this when my brother and I were young and he had to work overtime. This mom took all the precautions."

"But she did leave her daughter unattended and locked in," Fin reminded her then looked to Amanda for a better explanation of that bit.

"Maddie says her mother left her for two sleeps," Amanda explained quietly so the girl wouldn't hear. "And she was told not to let anyone in."

"What could be so important that a mother would just leave her child like this?" Olivia sighed. Her mind was already particularly clogged with the details of the hearing she'd been in. Mothers not attending to their own children was the worst thing they could do.

"Hey Serg," Sonny came by with his phone in hand. "Found mommy." When he showed them the picture of the woman, things made less sense.

~0~

Jenny Aschler was horrified to hear what happened to her daughter - almost happened thanks to the police. Her nervous eyes flickered between Olivia and Nick. The fact they had to come to prison to talk her already didn't bode well for her.

"Is Maddie okay?"

"Now you're worried?" Nick raised an eyebrow at her, unable to believe if she was being honest or not. The woman already seemed jittery and anxious. "You knew you were on probation. Why were you shoplifting?"

"I-it was Maddie's birthday. She's always wanted one of those, uh, American girl dolls? They're $200," Jenny explained the best she could. "I mean, who has that kind of money? Where is Maddie? I wanna see her."

"She's with child protective services," Olivia saw Jenny's eyes widen even more.

"Just...just till I get out, right? I'm due out in a few hours."

"Listen, you left your six-year-old unsupervised for two days. You can't just get her back," Nick thought that would be been an obvious but Jenny was actually hopeful. "All right, you're looking at new charges here-"

"Hold on, Nick. Slow down," Olivia urges him to take it easy so that they could have a better understanding of Jenny's situation.

"You can't talk to him like that. You're gonna make him mad," Jenny quietly said to Olivia, instigating confused faces from the two.

"Look, I'm not… I'm not mad," Nick started again, and slow for her to understand. "But you left your child alone, all right? This is serious."

"Jenny, you told your public defender that you thought your husband was gonna be able to take care of Maddie," Olivia was sure that they saw that in Jenny's file. They'd even talked to the defender briefly before coming to see Jenny.

"We're separated," Jenny lowered her gaze to the metal table.

"So, what, he bailed on you? He said that he couldn't watch her?"

"I never asked him," Jenny knew how that sounded so she quickly added to explain for herself. "It's too dangerous."

"Dangerous? What do you mean?" Nick asked her.

"Gary can't be alone with Maddie. He has...needs. If I'm not there to take care of them, somebody else has to - I won't leave him alone with my daughter."

Olivia saw honest fear for Maddie and couldn't just ignore it. This was more than a neglect case. "So Gary isn't Maddie's father?"

" No. Maddie's father's in Attica."

"So Gary's Maddie's stepfather? Has he ever acted inappropriately with her? Has she said something?"

Jenny looked up from the table, her reddened eyes looking between Olivia and Nick. There was a lot tell.

~0~

Montserrat and Amanda were both amazed at what kind of men surrounded Jenny Aschler's life. Between them and Fin, they had reconstructed the connections between Jenny, Bobby Aschler and Gary Aschler.

"This woman's had a tough life," Montserrat mumbled as she pinned a photograph of Jenny at the center of their board.

"Yeah, Bobby Aschler-" Amanda looked up from her laptop to point at the indicated photograph of the man, "-is Maddie's biological father and he has a long record. The lovely ending is he's now doing a bid in Attica for cooking meth."

"This prince, he pimps Jenny out, gets her pregnant at 16, and then just turns her over to his brother Gary," Montserrat took a seat at the edge of the table. "And she has quite a long record too."

"Anything outstanding?" Olivia inquired.

"Define that," Fin leaned back on his chair. "I mean, she's been in and out of jail from multiple drug arrests which only stopped two years ago."

Olivia put her hands on her hips and gazed at the board they had set up. Despite Nick and Sonny not being back from their visit to Gary, they'd managed to pull up several pieces of information on Jenny that just didn't equal to a terrible, neglectful mother. "She sounds more like a probable domestic violence victim. I'm not sure that charging Jenny with neglect of a child is in Maddie's best interest. If Jenny does more jail time, the stepfather may ask for custody."

"Not if he's in jail too," Montserrat threw in the option they would all love.

"Yeah, but that'll only happen if we can get Jenny to testify against him."

"So...we talk to her again?" Amanda asked.

Olivia gave the nod. "If we can convince family court that she's a D.V. Victim, maybe she and Maddie can get the help they need."

~ 0 ~

Despite Jenny being released from prison, she looked no better. With her daughter ripped from her, she seemed even worse than when she was in prison. She took a seat in the interview room and anxiously watched Amanda and Nick come in. They didn't beat around the bush, they just cautiously began to interrogate her about her life at home, especially where it concerned Gary.

"Well, of course Gary never touched Maddie. I won't give him the chance," Jenny took to playing with the tips of her hair. It seemed like a nervous tick as she tugged on the tips.

"So what makes you afraid that he'll do something?" Amanda proceeded to push for more specific details. "Cause he hurts you?"

"He-he has needs, like all men."

"So what does he do to you, Jenny?" Nick's question was met with silence. He sighed and pushed again. "Look, you have to start talking to us. If you're lying to get back at Gary, you're gonna be in trouble here-"

"Stop yelling!" Jenny suddenly exclaimed, getting silence despite almost shrinking back in her chair. Her eyes quickly met Nick's and revealed momentary terror in them. "I'll be good. I promise. I'll do whatever you want."

Nick was at a loss in that moment. He was pretty sure he hadn't been shouting. Maybe he'd spoken a little louder than he had wanted but it definitely was not yelling. "Jenny, you don't have to - Hey, Jenny, nobody's yelling-"

Someone knocked against the window of the room, letting know someone had to come out. Nick knew who that would be. With a sigh, he got up from his seat and returned to Olivia's office where the rest of the team was. "Look, I wasn't even pushing her that hard-"

"It's not you," Olivia assured him no one was blaming him. "It's something else going on here."

"Care to take a wild guess?" Montserrat was leaning against the window and attentively listening into Jenny's interview.

It came as no surprise to anyone when Jenny disclosed that her husband Gary was taking advantage of her under the guise of marriage privilege.

~0~

"Jenny Aschler abandons her six-year-old, claims she's afraid her husband will abuse her kid, and now she's accusing him of raping her?" Rafael wanted to ask if there was a list somewhere that gave anything else the woman was claiming.

"No, weren't you listening?" Montserrat tapped her index finger to her ear for emphasis. "She thinks because they're married, it isn't rape."

Behind her chair, Olivia was pacing back and forth. The case was obviously more frustrating for the Sergeant and now Rafael was wondering how long it would take her to make a hole in his office. Amanda, who sat in the chair next to Montserrat, wondered the same thing.

"So she hasn't said no, she's living in fear, and you think she's gonna agree to confront this guy in court?" Rafael knew those odds and had to scoff out loud. "I'm a prosecutor. She needs a social worker."

Olivia came to a right stop at his words. "Hang on, this is more than a simple child neglect case. The only reason that Jenny left Maddie alone-"

"-for two days while she went to jail…?" Rafael finished for her though earned himself exact glares from her and Montserrat.

"Seriously, aren't you listening?" Montserrat genuinely asked again. "She only did that because she thought her daughter was unsafe with the stepfather. You have to trust a mother's instincts."

"Yeah, Fin and Amaro went and saw this guy. They say she made the right call," Amanda then added on.

Rafael swayed his head while he thought about the not-so-subtle plan the three women were clearly on. "So you want me to charge the husband with D.V., so a family court judge will give her a second chance?"

"Jenny was wrong to leave Maddie alone. There's no doubt about that, but she's also a victim," Olivia didn't think she needed to be so descriptive but if he wanted it all then she would be. "She suffers with symptoms of PTSD. The father is in Attica, and this guy should be there too."

"Seriously…" Montserrat tapped her ear again, nodding at him to go on.

Rafael playfully rolled his eyes at her. "Alright, fine. See if he's dumb enough to confess to something he doesn't realize is a crime."

"Thank you," Olivia gave the nod of gratitude and started leaving first.

"See how easy it is when you just listen," Montserrat's comment made it difficult for Amanda not to chuckle.

Rafael was not so amused. "Oh yeah, so brave when all three of you come in against me."

"Didn't think you so scared so easily, councilor," Amanda's remark then made Montserrat laugh.

As Amanda walked towards the door, Montserrat quickly leaned over the desk just to whisper, "Kind of puts the belt to shame, don't you think?"

While she laughed, Rafael glared. "Get out of my office," his command was simple and calm. Though he was straight faced, unamused, a smile wormed its way across his face when he heard her laugh echo from the hallway.

~0~

When Montserrat returned home, she was surprised to find not only her roommate, but Damian and Montserrat's older brother, Gael. Kara was sitting at the couch flipping through a magazine while the two men discussed in the kitchen.

"Uh, hi," Montserrat said slowly since none of them acknowledged the fact she'd just walked in.

Kara waved but was more focused on her magazine. "I'm trying to learn this hairstyle for the salon, shush!"

Montserrat rolled her eyes and walked towards her brother instead, leaving her things over the table. "Gael, what are you doing here? What about Ivana and Juliana?"

"Dad's with them," Gael came over and hugged his sister hello. "I didn't think I'd catch you. Kara says you don't come home until midnight sometimes."

"When she's lucky," Kara made sure to add.

"Go back to your hair, Mackie," snapped Montserrat before answering her brother. "The hours are all over the place but that's not important. What are you doing here?"

"My fault," Damian waved a hand. "We're getting back from my parent's anniversary when Gael called with a problem from work."

"Is everything alright?"

"Just the usual. Customers who aren't satisfied with our work," Gael rolled his dark eyes. "I was already in Manhattan so I thought it be easier to meet here. That a problem?"

Montserrat chuckled. "And miss the chance to make fun of my big brother? Never."

Gael shook his head. "I was done anyways. We're thinking of dropping by Casey's tomorrow to see if she can help us."

"Casey is at court most of the day. Good luck with that.."

It seemed like the men were considering her comment, leading Montserrat to conclude whatever problems they were having at work must be big. Casey was a prosecutor, after all, not there for personal problems.

"I thought your job has lawyers of their own," Montserrat commended and grabbed a coke bottle from the kitchen table without caring whose it was. As she headed for the living room, she missed Gael's glare for stealing his bottle. Montserrat sat down beside Kara and the blonde roommate immediately chucked her magazine to the side and turned to Montserrat's hair.

"Yeah but we want someone who won't mind explaining us the exact details of the problem," Gael went into the kitchen and when they heard the fridge opening, it was assumed he would be getting another coke.

"And exactly why would you think Casey wouldn't shout at your ass for being annoying?" Montserrat took a swig of her stolen coke bottle, scrunching her face when Kara pulled on her hair.

"Sorry! I'm trying the hair style!" Kara apologized and went right back to work.

"Do you think your cousin will really mind if we go talk to her?" Damian asked, his seriousness coming off as amusing to the two siblings.

"Nah," Montserrat shook her head, though Kara stopped her with hands pressed to both sides of Montserrat's head.

"See our cousin is sharp and possibly evil, but she loves a good contract," Gael returned from the kitchen with a coke bottle. "And she's family."

"She'll kill you if she ever hears you call her evil," Montserrat muttered. "And I will remind you she's a Homicide ADA so she'll know how to make it look like an accident."

Gael rolled his eyes. "It's getting late and I gotta get back to my girls."

"Yeah, you keep leaving my nieces alone," Montserrat pointed at her brother in warning. "You know I'm dealing with a case of a mother who left her daughter alone for two days."

"Hey I left my girls with a good babysitter," Gael reminded her. "I'd never leave them alone. I'm not a bad parent."

"...but Dad used to leave us alone sometimes," Montserrat's comment made him pause just as he was getting his jacket from the kitchen table.

Gael shot his sister a look, looking offended but not for him. "Don't you ever imply that our father was a bad parent."

"I'm not-" Montserrat didn't seem the least fazed even when he continued with an increasing louder voice.

"-Dad had to work sometimes and there was no one to look after us! Everyone else worked and they couldn't just leave their jobs-"

"-Gael, I know-"

"If you want to talk about a bad parent then maybe you should think about Regina instead." Gael angrily put on his jacket, ignoring the wide-eyed looks from Damian and Kara. He wasn't even going to dignify his sister with a glance. "She's the bad parent for what she did to us."

With those words, he stormed out of the apartment.

"Uuh…" Kara stopped doing Montserrat's hair - which seemed more like a wild mess than anything else - and leaned back. "What just happened?"

"I made my big brother mad, story of my life," Montserrat put her coke bottle on the coffee table.

"Montse, are you okay?" Damian walked over to the couch and sat on the arm rest.

"Don't worry about it," Montserrat scoffed lightly. "I'm used to Gael's attitude when it comes to Regina." She pushed herself up from the couch, knowing she was being watched by the Mackies.

"Who's Regina?" Damian asked.

"My mother," Montserrat answered on her way into the hallway.

~ 0 ~

Olivia thought bringing Jenny to a psychiatrist would help them better in her case, but she ultimately got more than what they thought they would. The brief evaluation brought SVU to Jenny's mother - who had nothing but bad things to say about Jenny - and that then gave them view of what happened to Jenny as a child.

Now, the conference area was full of photographs of Jenny as a child that the squad was looking through. They were all pretty suggestive but nothing against the law.

"How old was she in these?" Amanda stopped when she found a particular photograph that made her want to stop altogether.

"Five, six, seven," Nick answered, since he and Fin were the ones who had returned with the photographs from Jenny's mother. "Stepfather took all of them."

"These are the photos he gave to Jenny's mother?" Montserrat gawked at how clueless the mother had to be for her not to realize what her ex-husband was doing. "Where are the ones that he kept for himself?"

"Let's find out," Olivia was already a step ahead by the time the rest of the squad finished going through the pictures.

She'd gotten ahold of a contact who came back with answers rather fast. And since those answers were rather awful, it required the presence of the entire squad and their ADA. Now they were all gazing at new pictures of Jenny they could have gone without seeing.

Agent O'Connell from the FBI was the one to expose the team to the actual, deeper truth of Jenny Aschler. "I recognized her right away," the man admitted as he switched through some of the photos they had. "We searched for her for over a decade. Called her 'Lacy unknown.'"

"Lacy is the name that the stepfather calls her in the videos," Amanda remembered. "How many videos are we talking about?"

"Hundreds. And thousands of stills. There's videos of her being tied up, raped, sodomized. Some of them were customized. He would take requests, posing her. She has chat rooms devoted to her."

"And so...the mother never realized that this was happening to her kid?" Montserrat couldn't think of a more clueless (or purposely blind) mother than Jenny's.

"Whether or not, we can't exactly prove it," Nick bitterly said beside her.

"We kept looking for Lacy, but after a while, we assumed there's no way she survived her childhood," O'Connell turned off the screen. "I'm shocked she's still alive. But for what it's worth, there's a couple hundred guys in prison for downloading her images."

The last bit interested Rafael most. "These videos are still being distributed even a decade later?" he asked just to confirm.

"Every day in every country in the world. A lot of pedophiles are collectors. They share clips, trade files on the darknet. As fast as we pull sites down, new ones pop up."

"One favor. Notify me when you find someone new in possession of these images."

"Of course," O'Connell agreed and started gathering his belongings to leave.

"Thank you for coming," Olivia said on his way out.

"So how do we move from here?" Sonny wondered after it was just them again. It was a tricky case since most sides were already shut by law.

"The stepfather took these videos, and he's the one in the videos raping her," Rafael moved so that he could face the entire squad. "Where is he?"

"Jerry Dobbs. He died in a car accident two years ago," Fin responded, looking bitter about it too. Jail time would've been a been a more fitting punishment than sweet death.

"I hope he suffered," Rafael muttered before switching tactics. "What about the mom?"

"Mom couldn't have been that clueless," Montserrat shook her head. "She must have known."

Olivia scoffed there. "Well, if you let her tell it, her daughter's been nothing but trouble ever since she was born."

Rafael knew where she was going with that and would not let her. "You can't make that case. Let it go."

"Let it go?" Olivia repeated, her mouth falling in open incredulity. "So nobody has to pay for what was done to Jenny?"

"There may be one avenue of recourse, if Jenny is capable of handling it," Rafael said once Olivia calmed a bit. He wasn't going to subject himself to a round of shouts.

'She's emotionally fragile. She's so traumatized, she doesn't remember this stuff. She's blocked it out-"

"Maybe if you show her these images…"

"Now hold on," Montserrat cut in once she and the rest of the team caught onto the intention. "You want us to show Jenny…" she pointed to the darkened screen behind Rafael, "...that?"

Before he could point out it was the only way to get Jenny some retribution, Amanda chimed in. "She has been acting out her whole life, high-risk behavior, but, you know, she has a right to know what's been triggering her."

"That's the emotional argument," Rafael pointed at her and continued on with what he'd been trying to get at for minutes now. "Legally, there's a possibility of restitution. But first Jenny has to identify herself as Lacy unknown."

"Ah, and you leave that assignment to us," Sonny's sarcasm was a shared sentiment amongst the squad.

"Who else would take it?" Rafael had good sense to take his leave. He definitely loved being a prosecutor sometimes.

The rest of the squad almost drew sticks to see who would get the assignment. In the end, Olivia made the graceful sergeant move and volunteered.

Amanda drew the smallest stick.

~0~

Days later brought no better moments for Jenny. After realizing - and accepting - she was Lacy, she was institutionalized to help her get back on her feet. Montserrat and Olivia visited Jenny when they felt Jenny would be able to have a conversation without affecting her health.

Jenny appeared better than the last time they'd seen her. Yes, she did appear to be a little jittery but it was nothing compared to the first time they met her.

"So how you doing, Jenny?" Olivia decided to start easy.

"I feel better," Jenny quickly said, as of her answer would carry the weight of whether or not she'd see her daughter again. And it probably did. "The first week, I just slept through, adjusting my meds. There's group crafts." She made a brief glance at the nearby tables in the room where several patients were immersed into small art crafts. "How's Maddie?"

"She's fine. She's in a foster home," Montserrat answered almost as fast as Jenny had. She assumed Jenny could only think about whether or not her daughter was fine. "And the doctors say you can Skype with her. We can help you set that up."

Jenny tried to smile but she ended up biting her lower lip. "I'm not gonna get her back, am I?"

"You just have to take care of yourself now so you can take care of her," Olivia said kindly, hoping that Jenny would see this was only for the best.

Still, Jenny could not find much peace. "The social worker told me medicaid won't let me stay too much longer, and Gary's so mad. He's not paying my rent."

"You're in for a fight, Jenny, but that's where this restitution money we talked about can help you," Montserrat reminded. Yes, the money's origin was not a good one but the intention of the money was.

Olivia cleared her throat before she cautiously started to explain the real reason they were visiting Jenny. "There's a sentencing hearing coming up soon. It's... it's an EMT who's convicted of possession. But you could write a victim's statement. It's a... it's a letter."

Jenny tried to follow, and she was. "A letter?" the two women nodded for her answer. Jenny considered her options, and her feelings, clearly for the first time. If she deserved some restitution then she thought she also deserved to face at least one person who had hurt her in her life. "If it's okay, I wanna go. I want him to look me in the eyes. I want him to see me."

Both Montserrat and Olivia exchanged surprised glances. Of course they would let Jenny go, they just hoped she would be strong enough to follow through.

~0~

"You can put that one over there," Amanda pointed Fin to an empty spot on the interview table.

"Nick, that one can go there," Montserrat nodded to the small space at the edge of the table, opposite of Fin.

"You know, you two could help," Sonny said as he walked into the room carrying another box of papers. He, Fin and Nick simultaneously shot Montserrat and Amanda identical glares for their lack of assistance.

"Put some muscle into it and keep bringing them in," Amanda motioned the three to go get more of the boxes.

They were bringing in the notifications of arrests from the Lacy unknown case for when Jenny would stop by. Unfortunately, there were a lot of boxes to bring in and Montserrat and Amanda took the 'supervising' job.

"Are those - are those brownies?" Fin stopped when he caught Montserrat handing a brownie to Amanda.

"We're waiting for lunch to be delivered," Montserrat shrugged.

"You're both a lot of help," Sonny put down another box on an empty chair.

"Easy there Carisi, or I won't let you into my apartment for Kara anymore," Montserrat smirked when she drew the right attention from the rest of the team. Sonny looked ready to murder her on the spot.

"What's this?" Amanda began in a teasing manner. "Does our baby face have a crush on a girl?"

"That's not - stop looking at me like that!" Sonny snapped, but it didn't help when he heard Fin laugh from behind.

"If you're all done teasing, I could use some help," Nick said since he was the only one still bringing boxes in.

"Thank you," Sonny gestured at Nick as a prime example of what professionalism looked like.

"I'm sure we can discuss this crush at lunch," Nick made the remark as Sonny headed out of the room.

"God dammit!" they then heard the cry of the lanky detective.

Almost as soon as they were finished filling the interview room with boxes, Jenny and Olivia returned from their trip to court. Despite not being able to directly ask how the sentencing had gone, they could see Jenny was looking better. Still, it came to falter when she realized what was in the interview room.

"What's all this?" she sifted through a box without actually looking into the papers.

"As part of this process, the FBI has to notify the victim of each individual arrest. And there was a long backlog of 'Lacy unknown' downloads, so, during your recovery, we had them sent here," Olivia explained and soon began to see Jenny once again shrink in her spot.

"So I have to open all of these letters and then go to court and testify every time?" Jenny gazed at all the boxes in the room and though they multiplied in that one moment.

"Most of these men have been convicted. You can file a civil suit. But where you have the most leverage, Jenny, is with men that are awaiting sentencing."

"Every time," Jenny said in disbelief. "So I'm gonna be dealing with this for the rest of my life?" she didn't need Olivia to answer to know. "I can't. I just can't do it. I just can't!"

"Jenny-"

"Thank you, but no…" Jenny couldn't help herself and rushed out of the room.

When Olivia emerged from the interview room, the face she wore expressed everything that'd gone wrong. "Well…" she came to up the closest desk which was Fin's.

"I assume she didn't like the boxes," Amanda went first.

"No," Olivia confirmed. "It's going to be hard for her accept it…"

"It would be for anyone, Liv," Fin said as a means of comfort for the sergeant. Anyone who knew Olivia would know that by now she was blaming herself even when she had no logical fault.

"Hey, we just saw Jenny and she didn't look so good," Montserrat said when she and Sonny walked into the bullpen with their carry-out.

"It's a process," Olivia left it at that.

"Well, lunch is served," Sonny put down each member's order on their desk. "Tips are accepted."

"But not required," Nick made a motion for the man to step away with his waiting hand.

Sonny rolled his eyes and returned to his desk. As Olivia went to take her order from Montserrat, she saw Rafael coming in with an unusual expression. "Hey. You're smiling, Barba. Why is that freaking me out?"

"I've seen him smile - when he eats," Montserrat's remark earned herself various snickers from the rest of the squad, but not from the ADA.

"Sit, eat, be quiet," he pointed her back to her desk. Montserrat dutifully returned to her desk but still smirked proudly. "I came in with good news," Rafael went on to explain before she took another jab, which she seemed to enjoy doing a lot. "Jenny may have caught the first break of her life. The list that Corbett gave us with other pedophiles has a CEO on it. Roger Pierce, worth 20 million."

"How does that help Jenny?" Olivia forgone her lunch in that moment.

"I reread the violence against women act. Technically, the way the law is worded, it mandates that each offender compensates the victim for all losses. The forensics team that you put on this estimated Jenny's need for restitution at over 4 million." And that's where Rafael's smile returned, quite wide too. "I'm going after Pierce for all of it. It's called joint and several liability. He's free to chase after the rest of Jenny's victimizers to collect the money. It becomes his problem, not hers."

"We can actually do that?" Amanda asked just to make sure they weren't going to lead Jenny down a farce.

"I'm going to do it in…" Rafael checked his wrist watch, "...about an hour when you bring Roger Pierce down. Eat lunch fast, will you?"

"Wow, you're still good," Montserrat said, this time getting a smirk back from him. "Oh, so that doesn't earn me a snap?"

"Not when you say smart things," he promptly quipped with. "So, what are we eating?"

"Not steak, so don't even ask," she motioned with a finger for him to come to her desk so he could see what lunch was.

"As long as it's nothing barbecued," he playfully warned her.

The mere act raised questionable looks from the rest of the team. The detective and ADA seemed a bit too comfortable with each other as if this wasn't the first time.

What an odd sight it was.

~0~

"Hi, do you know where I can find Detective Novak?" Kara Mackie stopped Fin and Nick as they emerged from the interview room, both carrying boxes of Jenny's case.

"She should be here, helping," Fin said rather sourly though knew Montserrat wasn't the only one who was avoiding the helping of bringing Jenny's papers back to storage.

"Did you need help?" Nick asked the woman neither of them had ever seen before.

"I'm her roommate, Kara Mackie," Kara stuck a hand out to shake but remembered neither man could afford letting go of their boxes. "We just had plans tonight."

"Lucky break you have," Nick nodded towards the hallway where they could hear conversations coming closer. He left Kara with the promise that Montserrat was coming then followed Fin out with the boxes in hands.

"So that's it? We're done with Jenny's case?" Amanda was asking.

"Pierce paid all of the $4 million of the restitution so it's done," Rafael confirmed. "You can tell Jenny tomorrow when it's all in paper."

"Seriously, you're good," Montserrat remarked with a matching impressed smile on her face.

"You still had doubts?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes, along with the others around them.

"I'm going to call Jenny right now and tell her the good news," Olivia said before making a beeline for her office. She didn't want Jenny going to sleep tonight with the idea that her life was going to remain a mess.

"Kara?" it was Sonny who noticed the blonde roommate standing near their desks.

Of course Kara broke into a big smile when she saw him. "Sonny, hi."

"That the one?" Amanda whispered to Montserrat who went 'mhm' in response.

"What are you doing here? Are you alright?" Sonny asked Kara, for a moment believing the worst.

Kara was quick to ease his thoughts. "I'm fine! I'm really fine! I-I just had plans with Montse."

"Oh…" Sonny sheepishly smiled and glanced back at his audience.

"Smooth," Montse said under her breath before moving towards her roommate.

"I'm Kara Mackie, by the way," Kara extended a hand towards Amanda.

The blonde detective smiled knowingly, eyes flickering to Sonny every second or so. "We know."

"And I'm not drunk this time so hello, properly," Kara smiled at Rafael, though a bit embarrassed from her drunken moment at the restaurant months ago.

"Nice to see you again, Kara," he nodded.

"Ready to go?" Montserrat asked Kara afterwards, already smiling. "I'm in a good mood today."

"That's new in this job," Kara blurted out, not that it mattered for Montserrat.

"We just watched him blackmail $4 million out of a stuck up, pedophilic CEO," Montserrat pointed over to Rafael.

"I did not blackmail-"

"-kind of what it looked like."

Rafael tilted his head in mild offence then glanced at Amanda and Sonny to see what they thought. Amanda made a face, indicating she was inclining towards Montserrat's claim. Sonny made a hand gesture indicating he was half and half.

"You know what, I'd like to see either of you try the same and succeed," he left things at that. That earned himself some rolling eyes.

"Relax, councilor, we're just teasing," Montserrat raised her hands to show she was done. She backed up to her desk to grab her purse and jacket. "I'll bring you some...what did I say I would bring next time it was my turn?"

"French food. You said French food," Rafael said a bit too fast.

"Of course you remembered," Montserrat swung her purse around her shoulder. "But next time you get me Chinese food." She flashed him a smirk then started heading out with Kara.

"We'll see," Rafael said but of course Montserrat knew there was no doubt he would follow through with his promise. It'd been like this for weeks now, after all. He noticed the odd stares from the others and realized what they must be thinking. "I'm going to see how Liv made that call," he decided and turned right for Olivia's office.

Montserrat walked alongside Kara towards the elevator, but she was dealing with her nosy roommate. "Kara, what do you want for dinner?"

"Uuh, whatever the hell you and the ADA are having apparently," Kara's smirk could crack her face in two.

"Don't even start," Montserrat pressed the elevator button and waited for the doors to open. "I've got a lot of material of you and Sonny, if you're going to play this game."

"But you are having meals with him?" Kara put a hand on Montserrat's arm.

"Not like that, they've just been...business lunches and dinners," Montserrat shook Kara's hand off her and tried to keep a straight face. She knew how it sounded, but honestly it'd been exactly what she said. Somehow, they'd fallen into a routine of buying lunch or dinner for each other every once in a while. It was nothing fancy, and definitely nothing promising, but just a simple...gesture.

It was just that. It really was...

"Lunches and dinners?" Kara laughed.

"We take turns paying, it's not a big deal!" Montserrat stepped into the elevator and turned around, catching sight of Kara's big smirk.

"Mhm," Kara nudged Montserrat on the side. "So how come you're blushing?"

"Shut up."

Kara's laughter filled the elevator.

#rafael barba x oc #svu imagines #ocappreciation #ocapp #rafael barba imagines #rafael barba x original female character #svu fanfics #noblecrescentedit #oc: Montserrat Novak #rafael barba #svu #Olivia Benson #Sonny Carisi #Amanda Rollins

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