#commit arson and vehicular manslaughter

[so-you-melted-22]

why the fuck do my friends always try to make plans on a weeknight?!?! i know for a fact that you all go to fucking school too and maybe you all wouldn't be failing the way you are if you would fucking sleep and study and not drink and smoke in the centre of the city every fucking wednesday to thursday night!!!! i love my friends but hell alive, just do something on a saturday for once!! waldorfschule also starts at 8 and requires you to be awake for it as far as i know so where do you people get the time from?? am i the only person in this fucking group chat from the deepest pits of hell that has plans of fucking graduating this decade?? alternative schooling kids are so fucking annoying!!! people who aren't in a graduating year are so fucking annoying!!! i think i will scream in the woods after that fucking afternoon course today!!!

[jjackrabbitt]

Yes of course Mike Flanagan butchered Haunting of Hill House but the real crime is that he didn’t have Kate Siegel openly talking about doing arson and trying to do vehicular manslaughter and calling people “poor baby” in a fake pity voice

[randomgurl2326]

Slytherin Boys + Wifey Pansy + Y/N

Harry Potter Masterlist

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Theo: sapnu puaS

Blaise: What??

Enzo: What language is that?

Theo: Turn your phone 180 degrees

*Theo was removed from the group chat*

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Enzo: Get in loser, we’re commuting vehicular manslaughter!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Mattheo: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them?

Y/N: Actually, it’s not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It’s just that you LOOK for things when you need them.

Mattheo: Okay yeah thanks Y/N, that’s great but WHERE’S THE FUCKING FORST AID KIT!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Enzo: Salazar, the printer broke while printing out Y/N’s birthday’s invitations.

Draco: We’ll, what are they supposed to say?

Enzo: “Y/N’s Birthday”

Draco: So, what do they say instead?

Enzo: “Y/N’s bi”

Draco:

Draco: Works out either way

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Blaise: Okay, what does A stand for?

Y/N: Arson

Blaise: Aw, you’re so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?

Y/N: Barson

Theo: *laughter*

Blaise: What does C stand for?

Y/N: Commit arson

Theo: Oooo

Blaise: D!

Y/N: Don’t come near me, I’m going to commit arson

Theo: *falls over laughing*

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Blaise: What happened?!?!

Draco: Do you want the long version or the short version?

Blaise: Sh-short??

Draco: Shit’s fucked

Blaise: Okay, long…

Draco: Shit’s very fucked

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Theo: Are you tall enough to play quidditch?

Y/N: Are you calling me short?

Theo: I’m calling you vertically challenged

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Pansy: I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven

Mattheo: I have that dream too, but you’ve gone in the other direction

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

[galaxywrites]

ㅤㅤ ㅤ incorrect quotes from my freed revenants au!

ㅤㅤ ㅤsome may be nsfw! just a warning!! color-coded.

──────────────────────────────

Kabal: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Kabal: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Jade: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Liu Kang: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Stryker: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Kitana: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Tomàš: I hate you guys so much.

-

Jade: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Tomàš: What?

Jade: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that

-

Tomàš: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

-

Tomàš: Well, has Jade been wrong before?

Kitana: How wide are we willing to open this up?

-

Stryker: Liu Kang, can I ask you a question?

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker: When?!

Liu Kang: Just now.

-

Kabal: I have a bad feeling about this...

Tomàš: What do you mean?

Kabal: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Tomàš: No?

Liu Kang: That actually explains so much.

-

Kabal: I couldn't do this without you, Tomàš.

Tomàš: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

-

Tomàš: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem.

-

Kabal: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

-

Liu Kang: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Tomàš: Do you make any other kind?

-

Kitana: What are you two arguing about this time?

Stryker: He's always using common phrases incorrectly!

Tomàš: Cry me a table, Kurtis.

-

Tomàš: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Nightwolf.

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Don't tell him I said that.

-

Tomàš: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

-

Tomàš: Fight me!

Kitana, standing behind him and holding her fans: *mouths* Do not.

-

Kabal: Yesterday, I overheard Nightwolf saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Tomàš replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

-

Stryker: *falls down the stairs*

Kitana: Are you okay?

Liu Kang: Stop falling down the stairs!

Tomàš: How’d the ground taste?

-

Kabal: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Stryker: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

-

Tomàš: Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Kung Lao, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.

-

Kabal: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Tomàš: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

-

*During a game of Hangman*

Tomàš: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose.

Stryker: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something!

Tomàš: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

-

Jade: Can you pass the salt?

Tomàš: Can you pass away?

Jade: Too much salt.

-

Kung Lao: Am I in trouble?

Liu Kang: Take a guess.

Kung Lao: No?

Liu Kang: Take another guess.

-

Kabal, trying to comfort Tomàš: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

-

Stryker: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?!

Tomàš: Probably because I’m a trained assassin with a long history of violence.

Stryker: Oh...

Jade, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

-

Tomàš: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?

Kabal: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

-

Nightwolf: You three, explain right now.

Tomàš: It was Kabal.

Jade: It was Kabal.

Liu Kang: It was Kabal.

Kabal:

Kabal: …fuck.

-

Tomàš: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!

Enenra: Apparently, we're not!

-

Kung Lao: Truth or dare?

Tomàš: Truth.

Kung Lao: How many hours have you slept this week?

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Dare.

Kung Lao: Go to sleep.

Tomàš: I don't like this game.

-

Nightwolf: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.

Tomàš: I will politely decline.

-

Liu Kang: Did you buy eggs like I asked?

Tomàš: Even better!

Liu Kang: What the fuck did you-

Tomàš: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

-

Liu Kang: Hey, are you free?

Kung Lao: No, I’m expensive.

-

Stryker: Want to hear a hard riddle?

Kung Lao: Sure.

Stryker: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?

Kung Lao: ...down?

Stryker: N-

Tomàš: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.

Stryker:

Stryker: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ...

-

Stryker: Do you take constructive criticism?

Kabal: No, only cash or credit.

-

Jade: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Tomàš: Which one? I can't do both.

-

Nightwolf: One time I went to hand Jade a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

-

Tomàš: You're right.

Jade: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

-

Stryker: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?

Jade: Can't relate.

Tomàš: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

-

Tomàš: Liu Kang! Kabal got that thing on the control panel working!

Liu Kang: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.

Tomàš: Yeah!

Liu Kang: Any idea what it does?

Tomàš: Not a clue.

-

Tomàš: Where is my fucking mask?

Kabal: Tomàš, guests are around, can you say it a little nicer?

Tomàš: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING MASK?!

-

Liu Kang: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Kitana: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

-

Tomàš: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!

Tomàš: Unless of course. . We’re talking about our enemy, Quan Chi. Fuck you Quan Chi, you know what you did!

-

Tomàš: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

-

Stryker: Wow, Kano really hates us.

Kabal: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.

Stryker: But we’re not gay, Kabal.

Kabal:

Stryker:

Kabal: We’re not?

-

Tomàš: Is having a penis fun?

Kabal: It has its ups and downs.

Stryker: Sometimes it’s a little hard.

Kung Lao: It’s a pain in the ass.

Jade: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on.

-

Kitana: What does 'take out' mean?

Liu Kang: Food.

Stryker: Dating

Tomàš: Murder

Kabal: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

-

Nightwolf: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Stryker: Rude.

Kabal: That’s fair.

Tomàš: Not again.

Jade: Are you going to want this back?

-

Nightwolf: What do you think Kabal will do for a distraction?

Stryker: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Stryker: ... or he could do that.

-

Kitana, carefully running a brush through Tomàš' hair: Did no one teach you how to manage your hair properly?

Tomàš, shrugging: The Lin Kuei elders just said brush it with your fingers, it'll be fine.

Tomàš: When Cyrax joined, he used to do it. But I haven't seen him here in the Netherrealm, so I just assumed his soul didn't end up here.

Kitana: ... We need to teach you a proper hair routine.

Tomàš: Say what now?

-

Tomàš: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

Enenra: You stopped growing when you were fourteen!

-

Enenra: What’s sexting?

Tomàš: I'm not having this conversation with you.

-

Stryker: Are you okay?

Kabal, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.

Stryker: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Kabal?

-

Kitana: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

-

Kitana: I am going to need you to swear-

Kabal: Fuck.

Kitana:

Kitana: ...swear as in promise.

-

Stryker: The Ocean is a soup.

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Do elaborate.

Stryker: What are needed for something to be a soup?

Tomàš: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Stryker: *Tilts head*

Tomàš: The Ocean is a Soup.

Stryker: The Ocean is a Soup.

-

Nightwolf: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.

Stryker, Liu Kang, Kabal, and Kitana: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

-

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Kabal: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Tomàš: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Kung Lao: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Kitana: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.

Kung Lao: *flips the board*

-

Kabal: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Stryker: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Kabal: I—

Kabal: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

-

Kitana: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Tomàš: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

[lauralot89]

Reasons to Be Put in a Saw Trap

From Saw to Saw X:

Taking drugs

Committing insurance fraud

Self-injury

Having no personality

Telling patients they are terminally ill

Being married to an oncologist

Being the child of an oncologist

Investigating the Jigsaw killings

Not fulfilling your dreams of becoming a doctor

Being a police informant

Being a crooked cop

Being the child of a crooked cop

Being put in prison by a crooked cop

Dealing drugs

Doing sex work

Being habitually imprisoned

Being too good at forensic science

Taking antidepressants

Being sad that your child died

Being the surviving child of someone who is sad their other child died

Fleeing the scene of a crime as the only witness

Giving a light sentence for vehicular manslaughter

Vehicular manslaughter

Making inescapable Saw traps

Providing legal defense for criminals

Trying too hard to save people

Pimping

Rape

Being an abuser

Being married to an abuser

Causing a woman to miscarry

Recklessly opening doors

Being a Jigsaw apprentice without actually having your heart in it

Murder

Pretending to be Jigsaw to cover up for committing a murder

Arson

Conspiracy to commit arson

Taking a bribe to say there was no arson

Taking a bribe to not publish investigative journalism about arson

Taking a bribe to issue a building permit

Predatory money lending

Working for an insurance company

Being related to someone who works for an insurance company

Being related to someone who died because they were denied coverage by an insurance company

Being an attorney for an insurance company executive

Smoking

Being in a love triangle

Being a Nazi

Pretending to have been in a Saw trap

Being the publicist for someone who pretended to have been a Saw trap

Being the lawyer for someone who pretended to be in a Saw trap

Being friends with someone who pretended to be in a Saw trap

Being married to someone who, unbeknownst to you, pretended to be in a Saw trap

Working in a morgue

Working in a police station

Putting someone in a Saw trap at Jigsaw's request

Killing the person who put you in a Saw trap at Jigsaw's request

Mislabeling medical records

Letting your mugging victim die of an asthma attack

Knowingly selling faulty motorcycles

Committing infanticide and then blaming it on your spouse

Drunk driving

Shooting an unarmed civilian at a traffic stop

Shooting a witness to prevent them from testifying against crooked cops

Peddling fake cancer cures

[bl-bracket]

Poor Little Meow Meow Round 4: Akk (The Eclipse) vs Wen Kexing (Word of Honor)

[Submitted Reasons Under Cut]

Akk: He’s just a little guy. I mean, sure there was a bit of what could be construed as attempted vehicular manslaughter, and a bit of arson, and threats that if the “irregularities” continued that someone would die of the curse. Akk is the curse so, you know, threatening there. But he’s just so sad with all the internalized homophobia inside him that is the curse…you just want to cuddle him and make him feel safe. Which is exactly what Ayan does so…

Wen Kexing: He's a murderer, POSSIBLY a cannibal, skinned a man alive and gleefully incited conflict that led to SO many deaths, and yet the moment he finds out the guy he likes is mad at him he becomes SO pathetic. Drinking himself into a stupor. Paying concubines to just fawn over him and tell him how perfect he is. He has the biggest saddest wettest eyes and he's committed So Many Crimes.

[harmoniashines]

I have committed, tax fraud, tax evasion, vehicular manslaughter, 1st degree murder, 2and degree murder, theft, arson, aggravated assault, identity theft, and much more☺️

No way!! I've done some of those two!! Heavy on the tax evasion and fraud. Twinsies !!! >_<

Please slap me if I ever say that word again.

[subspace-t-mine]

Do you commit crimes as a daily basis of your routine, sir, Subspace T. Mine

Thank you

Why, infact, I do!!

I commit crimes every now and then in Crossroads!! I do arson, manslaughter, vehicular manslaughter, etc...!!

[endmylifelad]

Incorrect Red Dead Redemption Quotes

Sean: Today, I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say. But yes.

Arthur: I saved a life as well. That wasn’t my own. So that makes me better.

Sean: oh yeah? Who’d you save.

Arthur: some stranger who called me a cock sucker. I didn’t shoot him in the face. There. Life saved.

—

Dutch: if you had to choose between Micah and the amount of money I have in my pocket, which would you choose.

Arthur: depends. How much money you got?

Micah: oh come on now, brother-

Dutch: two dollars

Arthur: I’d take the money.

Micah:

—

Javier: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows!

—

Jack: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

—

Hosea, to Arthur on the wagon: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

—

Albert, after being saved from the wolves: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math.

—

Tuberculosis: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

—

Beau: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée"

—

Charles: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don’t make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.

[seancamerons]

jem is seriously such a fun cartoon!

YES! I was in my 20s in college when I first heard of it, lol. my bus buddy, whose name was ed, told me about it. I watched it shortly after, and the rest is history. 😊

what's not to love? its got catchy 80s bangers played by a pastel pink haired front woman who is a hologram who turns out to be an alter ego of a girl by the touch of an earring.

to paint a picture, it's like if hannah montana, julie and the phantoms and a barbie all had a baby in an animated series 😆 it's truly outrageous! even for the 80's. the combination of drama with a rivalry, jerrica's secret identity, evil banger playing rivals the misfits who commit multiple felonies with little consequence on the regular ie: kidnapping, vehicular manslaughter, arson and more, heartwarming orphans, evil record exec, a love triangle, glamor, glitter, fashion and fame all wrapped in a pretty pastel package. all in all, it's got something for everyone. jem was created just to sell some off brand barbie dolls during a saturday morning cartoon time slot. genius.

if i ask most women in their late 30s or 40s who grew up in the mid 80s about jem, not only do they know jem, they get all nostalgic and legit happy at the mention. example, a colleague at work had the dolls. my boyfriends older sister dressed as jem for halloween. a college classmate who was my age, and i bonded over jem. this show had girls in the 80s dreaming and thriving. evidently, with streaming, it's accessible. i believe it's free on youtube its now on tubi.

honestly, jem isn't just for girls or children. let’s be real. cartoons aren't just for kids. usually, look to disney, shows like simpsons, fururama, and family guy for comparison, some of these are clearly nit for kids. disney primarily has jokes that go over kids' heads, but can get mom and dad to crack a smile or bust out laughing. same reason parents and kids like bluey.

we don't discuss jem and the holograms (2015) not the same, not even close. looking at a fella by the name of scooter braun, (guy isn't liked by swifties either, might I add if you know you know.) who consulted fans of the og and made it a dumpster fire by not taking any of the suggestions and ideas he asked us for. i don’t even think he took some the suggestions from the creator of jem, he simply thought he knew it all that's the impression i get. to top off he took it out of the 80s and made it gimmicky, wannabe teenybopper shit. it was off. i didn't get that far.

FUN FACT: jem and the holograms (2015) received a 22% on rotten tomatoes.

I didn’t exactly expect a movie like that or one that was more true to jem from 80s to be perfect or win an Oscar by any means, but they could have made it a bit like tongue and cheek, like similar to og jem, or even deep at times like barbie (2023). We likely won't get a redemption or a new one, but it was a shame the reboot didn't do it justice. The girls of the 80s deserved a live action of their childhood favorite! I mean, look at transformers (2007) for the boys. Why can't we have nice things?

Thanks for the ask. 💌

[revengeiscoming]

Crimes I think nice anon has committed:

Theft

Vandalism

1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree murder

Being too cute

Vehicular manslaughter

Arson

Being a lil cutie patootie

Tax evasion

Tax fraud

Embezzlement

That’s an impressive ass rap sheet.

[shotgunsorcerer]

So Payday 2 has this page where you can view stats and stuff, and one of the things it has is an accurate list of all of the crime you've committed while playing. So I have an 100% accurate list of all of the things I would get arrested for based on the last game I've played. Under the cut bc it's very long.

First-degree Murder

Attempted Murder

Breaking and Entering

Trespassing

Concealed Carry

Assault And Battery

Manslaughter

Theft And Burglary

Threatening Behavior

Hostage Taking

Misuse of Private Assets

Forcible Restraint

Grand Theft Auto

Armed Robbery

Destruction of Private Property

Jaywalking

Drug Trafficking

Manufacture of Illegal Drugs

Possession of Illegal Drugs with Intent to Distribute

Illegal Modification of Firearm

Arson

Resisting Arrest

Destruction of Police Assets

Hacking Into Private Network

Interfering with Police Radio Frequencies

Smuggling of Illegal Firearms

Stopping Vehicle Traffic

Manufacture and Use of Illegal Explosives

Aiding and Abbetting Wanted Fugitive

Littering

Defacement and Destruction of Currency

Interference of Postal Services

Illegally Entering Prohibited Airspace

Use of Illegal Ammunition

Crossing a Central Reservation

Wilful Endangerment of Innocents

Damage to Public Property

Smuggling of Illegally Obtained Property

Appropriation of Weapons of Mass Destruction

Vehicular Manslaughter

Maritime Irregularity

Disturbing the Peace

Currency Counterfeiting

Theft and Mistreatment of Livestock

Theft and Illegal Transportation of Classified Weaponry

Violation of Geneva Convention Article 24 (Protection of Permanent Personnel)

On top of that, I have killed over 10787 cops (in Payday 2).

[bsideheart]

two hours left of my shift from hell. its literally felt like divine punishment for all my past transgressions today

oh nooooo 😭😭 i hope it gets better………… have you committed any egregious sins today like arson or vehicular manslaughter??

[lilikapow]

Pov: they all got arested for different crimes (mushy shoplifted; muki committed vehicular manslaughter; liz cmmited tax evasion; bex committed arson; and billy jaywalked)