#coming out of my lesbianism for this dude

[velvetvexations]

so i'm. bi. ish. (its more complicated than that, but i'm not gonna sit here and explain why.)

"can't you just be a butch lesbian" is a thing i got told by the first therapist i went to while trying to get on T the first time.

the amount of that literal commentary i have gotten. unprompted.

from everyone from medical doctors to "concerned friends".

trying to treat my transness as a phase or that i could "just be a lesbian and not a trans man" is so constant that i avoided coming out to my guy friends for YEARS. until my voice dropped enough that i couldn't hide what was going on any more.

(i still don't pass in meat space, and probably never will, but dropping to a baritone voice wise is actually fucking amazing.)

the fact i got more support from my dudebro friends i play video games with, than my actual medical doctor who prescribes my hormones, is so depressing.

one of the friends actually has gone "dude, testosterone fuckin' LOVES you. you got a deeper voice in 2 years than i did during my entire puberty. lowkey i'm kinda jealous."

which is the ABSOLUTE HEIGHT of dude positivity. but like. those guys are a rare case in general.

and like. they're great friends.

but its not a substitute for having a doctor who doesn't ask me, every time i go in for blood work, "are you SURE you can't just be a butch lesbian?" or a pharmacist who doesn't just refuse to fill the prescription until i file an official complaint with the state. every. single. time.

I like your guy friends.

[freneticfloetry]

I know. I'm late. Who's shocked, at this point? The end of esta noche will be up this weekend (or before, if the odds are in my favor tomorrow). In the meantime, have a taste of the next thing in line (which I'm super excited about, actually), along with a shiny new header for 2025!

Thanks to @carlos-in-glasses @paperstorm @strandnreyes @bonheur-cafe @whatsintheboxmh @nisbanisba @carlossreaders and @heartstringsduet for the tags today. 😘

"Do you think this was his way of breaking the news that he doesn't want to live with me anymore?" Snorting, she snags the last strip of bacon from his plate. "Yeah, you've officially lost me." "Think about it. The guys he hooks up with, he doesn't even stay to see sunrise." He draws his shoulders up to his ears and lets them drop back again. "Now he's just gonna, what, live with one for the rest of his life?" "The rest of — wow, okay." She puts both eyebrows up in that particular way that means she thinks he's pathetic but thinks actually saying so is too basic. "Alejandro, I say this with every shred of affection between us, plus the brunch you're now buying because you've made my brain hurt: there are literal lesbians who move slower than this." "Nora, I'm serious," he hisses, snatching what's left of his bacon back. "He's noped out of the last three showings. He gets cagey whenever I send a link to a listing. At this point, I can't even come anywhere near him with an open browser." But it's also Henry, who hates confrontation, who gets anxious about change, who can pluck endless poetry out of thin air but struggles with words that will hurt to hear. Alex shakes his head. Regardless of Nora's trash take, the rest of his life feels pretty damn accurate. In hindsight, he'd sort of figured that they'd find a place and move themselves in and just keep going like this forever — the same companionship and cohabitation that some might call co-dependence, with Henry fucking his way through every dude with Daddy Issues until either his looks or his trust fund ran out, and Alex secretly, silently, stupidly in love with him until the approximate heat death of the universe. He'd never considered that Henry might opt for a secret third thing: moving on with his life, without Alex in it. The bacon crumbles to bits in his hand. He bites into his lower lip, instead. "What if..." He stops. Swallows hard. Starts again. "Nora, what if he just fucked me goodbye?"

Y’all were quick this week! Tagging in @never-blooms @liminalmemories21 @rmd-writes @reyesstrand @lemonlyman-dotcom @orchidscript @ladytessa74 @three-drink-amy @herefortarlos @carlos-tk @welcometololaland and @alrightbuckaroo.

[bigmilk-13]

when you came into the year thinking "Oh i won't have any new celebrity crushes!"

*watches the devil wears prada and oceans 8*

Anne Hathaway: exists

me: aw dang it

Meryl Streep: exists

me: aw dang it

Sandra Bullock: exists

me: aw dang it

Cate Blanchett: exists

me: aw dang it

Sarah Paulson: exists

me: aw dang it

*descendants: ror comes out*

Kylie Cantrall: exists

me: aw dang it

Malia Baker: exists

me: aw dang it

Ruby Rose Turner: exists

me: aw dang it

Joshua Colley: exists

me: wait i'm bisexual??

[aeolianblues]

was kinda thinking about this when I saw Renee Rapp live recently-- I didn't know her visual vibe, I'd heard a few songs here and there but I hadn't really *seen* her, and her attire at Osheaga was really casual, a jersey (baseball/basketball?) and slacks. And that was so amazing! I couldn't help thinking, the work Billie Eilish has done for how women in pop music are allowed to dress is incredible. Seeing her up there all comfortable you just know that Billie walked in her oversized tops so that Renee in her slacks could run; Billie walked through all the critcisms about how she dressed slobbily and having to assert that she didn't owe anyone a display of skin, so that Renee could be comfortable and unquestioned running up and down the catwalk in front of 10,000 people. How iconic.

And I don't think we even realised at the time how much something as simple as letting Billie dress the way she as a (then-) 17-year-old teenager dressed, could end up meaning for a future generation of women in music.

Obviously there is still way to go, there were weirdos complaining about how 'plain' Dua Lipa's Glastonbury outfit was this year (in 2024!!), l have to ask, are you at Paris Fashion Week?? She is the musical HEADLINER of an entire day of music at one of the biggest music festivals in the world, and you can't grant her the space to exist as an artist, you have to moan about her dress not being excitingly revealing enough. There's work to do, it's still dismal out there. But the space Billie Eilish has created for a most ordinarily-dressed woman popstar is still heartening.

[matoitech]

i know its easy for me to get bad faith'd bcuz my stake in it is as an i guess 'cishet passing' masc bi man who can b attracted to masc women but once ppl realize bisexual butches exist and identify as butch i think youll be a lot happier and also a lot less weird. ppl do this same thing w feminine men where ppl act like fem bi men dont exist bcuz if ur a feminine man who fucks men you cant be attracted to women youre just faking or closeted or something. very silly. just in general recognizing gnc people can be bisexual (or straight, and not in a metrosexual way or something, they just Exist, also gnc trans people exist) is probably gonna be good for you. treating gender nonconformity like its inherently fetishistic if attractive to the 'wrong' people is not the win u think it is but get well soon guys

[distraughtlesbian]

literally the best part of this whole stupid book iwlove weird obsessed horndogs thee villain archetype of all time. he’s so silly. “we could’ve had a life together”, he says to his lesbian ex-neighbour who he’s just shot with a crossbow bolt meanwhile her girlfriend who he’s also just shot is half dead across the room. god i love it here he said me and the bad bitch im going to fumble

[july-19th-club]

i do have one patron crush but it's a beautiful sixty year old woman with the world's most chic silver hair she's like five foot tall weighs like forty pounds less than me i could pick her up and she would laugh so beautifully . i taught her how to do peyote stitch at one of the bead workshops and she started coming to our crochet club but ive MISSED EVERY ONE SHE'S ATTENDED. she knows my mom's best friend now because they do food pantry together. she's married . her name is cindy winter . cindy winter i would leave it all for you

[divinebisexualgoddess]

idk where else to put this cause i hate talking about it to friends because i have run this situation into the ground., but its also been very hard to process and accept in myself and i just need it out somewhere.

anyway i dated a guy long distance September to mid November and the first red flag was he got really upset when id just have bi colors or flags or make jokes about being bi occasionally but i sort of dropped it cause he seemed understanding once i explained my point if view and granted this was early early in the relationship.

Anyway then it became him getting worried about me being friends with guys and him “asking” me not to hang out with them and getting mad if i tried to reassure him so it got to the point i flat out had to be distant from any guy friends even gay guy friends cause “they could secretly be into women.”

then it became asking if my female friends were bi or gay and getting mad if they were and interrogating me anytime i did so much as play a valorant match with one. Then it became “well all girls kind of swing that way” and since im bi im not really allowed to hang out with anyone cause i “might cheat.”

Then he’d get angry if i was hanging out with friends irl after work and my phone died cause i had been working all day and him accusing me of cheating anytime id hang out with friends despite never having had sex never, having had kissed anyone since the second grade.

Slowly but surely he’d reassure me that i could have friends but it was much easier to just distance myself from everyone but him so i didnt risk the anger and the yelling and the accusations of things i never even thought of doing. There was also the threats of him raping me over and over and tying me up so that he didnt have to worry thinly veiled as just kinky but being brought up anytime he was angry with me for having friends. It was easier to stay hoke then argue about the fact that life360 or snapmaps had me at a weird place cause my phone service was bad and didn’t update right.

and idk it feels weird i think cause it was long distance to consider it abuse even emotional but then the people around me are so adamant it was and so worried that 1. he knows where i live and 2. if i would have were to ever see him in person he would probably harm me.

And idk why that if a friend told me the same thing i would also be adamant it was emotional abuse but when i think of it myself it feels like it wasnt or at the most i deserved it.

And it makes me nauseous to think that this all falls in like and is exactly where the statistics about bi peoples’ abuse comes from. We are considered untrustworthy because of our bisexuality and sometimes it just snowballs and how so many of my bi siblings have gone through and are going through much worse. And its hard to accept that it counts because of the distance

And ig its weird to be sick that i am now part of those statistics if i really sit to think about it and how at the same time people debate biphobia and violence about bi people on twitter.

And anyway idk i have felt like kind of a shell of myself and truthfully many of my friendships haven’t recovered from the distance i created and i cant blame them but its just shshshssh

i hope my future relationship endeavors treat me better and i hope for the safety and healthy relationships of all my bi siblings.

[genderdryad]

Scorchic (left): A gender relating to, or is, the Scorched from Fallout 76!

Lostic (right): A gender relating to, or is, the Lost from Fallout 76!

requested by @artimera-the-skeleton! pls credit me if you use the flags- thnx!

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Sometimes I remember my early years in the basketball dyke fandom and suddenly the fact that I married a car fandom fenme makes A LOT more sense

[horrorwebs]

why are men literally the fucking worst

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

🎟

[plumbogs]

I gave Bianca Monty a fresh makeover since she's a bit over halfway into adulthood :) graying hair cc save me

It's Oleander's first day of school and he already kinda hates it.

Back at home, Jenna's finally making friends with her in-laws in between fixing the car. She's a sort of woman that takes forever to get along with, which is unlike the Montys who walk by almost every single day. Romeo became friends with her.

AWWW Willow wanted to become best friends with Harmony Tinker so she invited her over and she brought Rosalind :) she's really trying her best to help her friends all get along... she's so nice

The television broke AGAIN. The school unlocked a few business perks that all went into the financial reward but I'm going to have to remodel the school soon if we're getting all these new students, otherwise I'd just buy a new better television right away.

yay soup for everyone :) except jenna since she went to sleep early

[sanchoyo]

well talking to my mom went well (I just told her I’m really unsure rn. Her first response was ‘oh well what’s the rush, ur not dating rn are u?’ Which. What does that have to do with gender??? It made me stop and laugh at least lmao). Also she suggested I just keep the clothes in a box or smth for a month or two so that if I change my mind abt dresses and skirts I don’t throw them out and regret it. Which was an awesome suggestion bc quite frankly I’m very emotionally attached to my clothes. A lot of the dresses are real vintage or actually worth a lot too and very unique and…a part of me wants to try and rework them and sew them into either shirts or pants bc they’d fuck severely but 1. I don’t have a sewing machine 2. I…feel weird about modifying such old clothes. It feels kind of bad…like what if I fuck them up bc lack of sewing experience!! I’ve only rly done basic mending (…and I guess that Ichigo cosplay years ago but even that didn’t turn out great bc it was my first project. aaa)

[villalunae]

i am rlly hitting a woman point where i am gonna have to blacklist a bunch of men shows

[nevoadecaipora]

ugly ugly ugly feeling ugh