#coming from someone who used to do bad on school tests because mine was so shite

[self-shipping-doll13]

Imagine your f/o thinking your messy handwriting is endearing and characteristic of you. Even if it’s difficult to read. It doesn’t have to be ‘neat’ or ‘pretty’ because it’s yours. They would love receiving notes from you and like the way you write their name.

[shdysders]

the bet

pairing: vada cavell x female reader

summary: in which vada makes a bet, and unfortunately you're the victim to it.

word count: 4.8k

warnings: cursing, hints of alcoholism.

author’s note: hope you like! also if y’all feel like following an editing account on tiktok, mine is sdesnk!

Making bets are something everyone did as kids, whether it was about money, candy or chores. Everyone did it.

Vada grew up constantly making bets with her younger sister, which were pretty easy to win since Amelia would accept pretty bad ones without properly thinking them through.

Vada actually thought she was one of the best gamblers amongst everybody she knew. Until she met Nick. In her eyes he was a literal goddess at making bets, but also at winning them. He always came up with the craziest ones, things that Vada couldn't think of even if she tried.

Their friendship was filled with bets, they pushed each other to the limits, coming up with even more daring challenges and scenarios, putting their skills to the test.

Their parents hoped and prayed that they would grow out of it, thinking that all kids did eventually. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case for Vada and Nick, they kept going even though they had passed the inappropriate age for it.

Not even starting high school stopped them. It was their 'friendship language' as they called it.

"I bet you twenty dollars you won't tell the lunch lady this tastes like fucking shit." Nick spoke, playing around the food with a fork, a grossed out expression on his face.

Vada immediately shook her head, laughing. "Absolutely not!" She could never agree to bets where it involved being rude to someones face, let alone rude to someone in general, she had a filter, unlike Nick; who didn't care if he was hurting someone or not.

Nick smirked, now curiously looking around the cafeteria. A look on his face that only Vada could understand, he was looking for something to make a bet on.

"Okay fine, I bet you fifty dollars.." He started, the big amount of money immediately capturing Vadas attention. "That you won't ask out little Y/n right there."

Nick pointed behind Vada with his fork, an evil smirk placed on his face. She slowly turned to see where his plastic cutlery was pointing. And there you were, sitting all alone at the table a few feet away from them, headphones placed on your head. She could feel her eyes softened as she watched you. Your curious eyes scanning through the pages of the book you were reading.

There was nothing wrong with what you were doing, but in high school, people that sit alone are weird. Vada knew that's why Nick chose you out of all people he could've picked.

People around school used to talk about you, how you were too quiet for your own good, how nobody had heard you speak ever since you were asked to introduce yourself the first day of school, or how some people had forgot you were in their class.

Vada didn't understand quiet people. Growing up, loud was the first word people used to describe her. Her mouth always seemed to be this ocean of words that never seemed to run out. She had never experienced being anything else than talkative, so she would never be able to understand how people didn't like to talk.

She bit her lip as she watched you, actually considering taking the bet. Nick saw her hesitating, "You don't have to stay with her forever, just for like a week or two."

Vada thought hard. She did have to step up her game, Nick had done everything. Every single bet she gave him, and she was starting to grow poor because of it. He had done everything from telling Amelia her outfit looked horrendous, to telling Mrs Cavell that the dinner tasted like vomit.

It was only a week right? Couldn't hurt.

Vada turned back to Nick with a smirk on her face, taking out her hand for him to shake.

"Bet."

***

Vadas stomach was filled with nerves the next day, but she couldn't figure out why; it was just a bet, nothing of it was real feelings, and she had to do it, she couldn't risk loosing fifty bucks.

Nick had been teasing her since first period, telling her what a cute couple you guys would be. Which was making Vada feel uncertain, if she should do it or not.

When the time arrived at lunch Nick had already ran off to his 'second option friends' as he called them, leaving Vada all alone to approach you. You sat alone again; to no surprise, Nick had told her that you always did.

With no hesitation in her bones, she walked up to your table, standing in front of you; waiting for you to look up. And eventually you did, your eyes filled with curiosity scanned her figure, making Vada shift her weight from one leg to another, almost feeling judged.

"Do you want me to move? I can go to another table." You spoke rapidly, making Vadas gaze soften, did people really only walk up to you to say that they wanted your table?

Vada shook her head, hesitating before sitting down in front of you. "I'm here to talk to you."

You watched her carefully, as if what she was about so say would be something rude or humiliating.

You had history class with Vada, so you knew she was a very talkative individual, that's why you were so surprised when it looked like she didn't know what to say.

"I just..I–.. I've liked you for quite some time now, and I wanted to...ask you out." She spoke, stuttering and pausing way too much. "On a date." Vada ended, looking up at your shocked face.

Your mouth almost hung open, there was no way this was true. Vada Cavell asking you out on a date?

You couldn't believe it. A part of you was telling yourself that it was probably just a joke, that she was doing this for a laugh with her friends. But the other part of you couldn't help but let a smile creep up on your face.

You had always fancied the girl, but you didn't go anywhere with it since you were known for being too awkward around people, let alone somebody you liked. This could end in many ways, you knew that. Yet there was no hesitation in you when you answered the girl who was sitting in front of you.

"Yeah..Yeah sure." You nodded, "What are you thinking?"

Now that you asked that question, Vada didn't know what to answer. She hadn't thought this through at all. She had approached you without even giving a second thought to what she was about to do.

Vada had half a mind to just walk away and give Nick the fifty bucks. But looking into your eyes; that was filled with expectations and surprise, she decided to give in.

***

"How did it go?" Nick eagerly asked as the pair walked into the school building.

Vada rolled her eyes almost immediately as the question left the boy's mouth. "Fine." She answered simply while trying to flicker the lock to the right code for her locker.

Nick sighed, muttering something Vada couldn't make out. "I need to know details! Don't give me the cold shoulder, it's not my fault you accepted the bet." He ranted, faint frustration lacing his voice.

A sigh escaped from Vada's lips. "It went fine. She's actually really nice."

That was true. You were in fact really nice. You weren't much of a talker, that's why Vada held most of the conversations, which wasn't hard. You were a great listener, Vada went on and on about stuff you probably didn't care about for one bit, but Vada still felt like she was being heard.

Nick let out a snort at that, making Vada shoot him a glare. "Yeah? Because she was quiet the whole time?"

When Vada didn't answer, instead beginning to pick out books from her locker, Nick quietly apologized, realized he might've overstepped. But when she closed it and began walking to class, he caught up and continued.

"Soo.. did you kiss her yet?"

That made Vada spurt to a halt, her shoes making a squeak sound on the tile floor.

"What?" She looked up at him, confusion painted all over her face. "That was not a part of the bet."

Nick just smiled dumbfounded at her. "I know." He started walking again, happy to have brought at least some form of reaction out of the girl. "But I might add another fifty bucks if you do."

Vada walked rapidly to try and keep up with him. Kiss you? Why would she ever do that. Besides, he couldn't just change up the bet after it had already been made. That made no sense.

Although Vada knew that just a few hours back you and her were seconds away from locking lips, the interruption being Mrs Cavell bursting through the door unexpectedly. Which of course made you and Vada jump away from each other.

She didn't know why she thought it would be a good idea to kiss you. It was just in the moment. She didn't like you like that, she just thought there was a bigger chance for you to believe the whole 'feelings' thing if she did.

The date had begun with a dinner at some cheap, yet pretty decent restaurant, later on Vada took you back to her house thinking nobody else would be home; unfortunately she was wrong, but you didn't care. You had given Vada a bunch of compliments about how heartwarming and kind her family seemed, but Vada had just brushed it off.

"Yeah? And how would you know if I kissed her or not?" Vada questioned, her attention shifted towards the present moment.

Nick shrugged, "I don't know, set up a camera or something."

The statement made Vada grimace, but she didn't get enough time to answer him since he had already disappeared into his classroom, leaving Vada alone in the hall. Along with all the other students rushing around, trying to make it to their classes.

Lots of voices could be heard, every single one of them blending into each other so the words were all inaudible. Vada didn't give it any thoughts until she heard her voice being called.

She couldn't hear who it was over all the other voices, but when she turned around and saw that the person calling for her was you, she felt a small smile arriving at her lips.

"Y/n! Hi." Vada smiled at you, eyes flickering to your hands, who seemed to be fiddling with each other.

"So I was wondering.." Your soft voice spoke, "I really enjoyed our date last night, and I was wondering if you'd like to do it again?" You struggled to hold eye contact with her, eyes darting between the floor and Vada's eyes.

Vada bit her lip, thinking hardly. She was starting to feel bad. Did you actually think that the date was a serious thing? Did you actually think that she liked you?

She noticed that the small smile on your face was wiped off quickly, precisely because Vada didn't answer straight away, like you thought she would.

Vada opened her mouth to say that she was busy, but nothing came out. She felt bad. Your big doe eyes that were now filled of insecurity was staring into hers. She couldn't say no, not when you looked crushed at the fact that she hesitated at first.

You let out a sigh of relief when you received a nod from her. "Yeah, yeah absolutely." Vada tried to act as if she wasn't hesitating just seconds before.

"But we're going to your house this time right?" She asked before you had the opportunity to leave.

Now it was your turn to hesitate, but before you knew it your mouth had moved by itself, saying the exact opposite of what you were planning on. "Of course." You nodded.

"Tomorrow? We can walk there after school?" Vada questioned.

You tried to keep the confident look on your face, but it was hard. "Yeah.. Sure." You answered hesitantly.

Vada gave you a small nod and an awkward smile before turning on her heel, walking to class.

You silently cursed to yourself when she was out of your sight. Why didn't you just say no? There were thousands of other places you could've suggested.

You knew something like this would happen. You would either overshare something or say yes to something without thinking first.

You didn't have any friends, hadn't had for a long time either. So your social life wasn't very active, considering you barely talked to your parents at home.

When people don't have much social interaction, they might tend to overshare or be more talkative when meeting someone new, you were a great example of that. And you had learned that the hard way.

People left you all the time, hence to why you stopped making any kind of effort to engage with other people. Known as the reason for why people called you weird. But that's what high schoolers did, picked out people that weren't extroverted or social butterflies and recalled them as weird, starting all kinds of rumors in between.

You couldn't take her to your home. She would leave if she saw it.

***

'Tomorrow' felt sooner than expected.

By the time you walked out of your sixth and final period, when you saw Vada standing next to your locker; waiting for your classes to finish, you had already forgot the date you guys had planned. Being too busy the night before to clean up the mess your step father had made.

Vada looked as if she was debating something in her mind when you approached her, you obviously didn’t ask why, mainly because her expression quickly changed to a small smile when she saw you arriving.

You smiled back, feeling like this was your chance to change your destination to somewhere else. "Hey uhm, don't you think we should go somewhere else instead?" You started, watching as Vada furrowed her eyebrows.

"I just felt like my house won't be super 'romantic' or like..suitable for a date or whatever you want to call it." You rambled, feeling judged under Vada's expression.

Vada just chuckled when you finished talking. "I don't care if it's romantic at all." Because I don't like you the way you’re thinking, she wanted to continue. But of course she couldn't do that.

"We'll just a watch a movie on your laptop or something. You do have a computer right?" She checked.

You nodded unsurely. You weren't good at debating or arguing with people, so unfortunately you just gave in. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad? Maybe Vada would be different than all the other people.

The walk to your house went rather smoothly, Vada did the talking - as usual. This time you didn't ask any questions about what she was talking about, mainly because the nerves were getting to you, but also because you didn't listen to all of it; trying to figure out different scenarios on how it all might go down.

"Well. This is me." You spoke almost shakily, voice cracking with nerves. Vada didn't seem to notice, just inspecting the house from the outside.

Vada looked around for a moment, inspecting the other houses in the neighborhood. The house you were standing in front of looked rather neglected compared to the other ones. While every garden looked like it was taken care of neatly, yours looked like the grass hadn't been mowed for months.

The house was painted white on the brick walls, but tons of it had been peeled or flaked off; revealing the actual color of the stones.

Your gaze was set down to your shoes, not wanting to see Vada judging the shabby house.

"Are you sure you don't want to go somewhere else?" You bit your lip, asking the question while staring down at your feet on the asphalt. You could see Vada's head turn to you in the corner of your eyes, a small smile placed on her face.

Vada could see that you were ashamed, ashamed over the fact that your house probably looked like a junkyard compared to what she had expected.

A part of her wanted to agree with you and go somewhere else, but she also didn't want you to be ashamed. Hence to why she shook her head.

"I'm sure." She replied softly, mentally slapping herself before she took your hand in hers, clasping your fingers. She had to make everything believable.

An electric surge ran through your veins as your skin touched. A form of bravery entering your body, making you take a deep breath before pulling you behind her up the faint path towards the stairs.

When the door opened, a cloud of cigarette smoke exploded in your face, nothing you weren't used to, but Vada on the other hand tried to contain her coughs by swallowing thickly.

Loud shattering from the TV was echoing in the house, which made Vada immediately turn her head towards where the couch was placed.

She could only make out the 'big' man on the couch, dressed in a man beater shirt, beer bottles covering the whole coffee table in front of the piece of furniture.

You tried to walk carefully, hoping he wouldn't hear you over the loud volume on the television. But the creaking of the floor failed you as it made the man on the couch turn his head faintly, not entirely, so he couldn't see Vada; who had now carefully walked further away, basically hiding behind you.

"Is that you Y/n?" His dark and raspy voice almost yelled, making you flinch. His voice sounded as if he hadn't spoken to anyone for a week, having to clear his throat while speaking.

You nodded, but realizing he couldn't see you made you speak up. "Yes.. It's me and a friend." Your voice sounded confident, which surprised Vada, because you surely didn't look so confident.

The word 'friend' made the man turn around fully. His angry gaze scanning Vada's body, making her feel judged in less than a second, feeling herself shrink.

"Sluts like you has friends?" He asked, almost laughing while speaking.

Your expression didn't change much. Although Vada could see the sadness and fear that appeared in your eyes.

You just nodded as a response, not wanting to talk any further; afraid that your voice would fail you.

Vada didn't say anything, she figured that the man didn't want her to introduce herself at all, so she didn't.

When the man kept on chuckling to himself and had returned his attention to the TV, you took the chance to pull Vada in the direction to your room.

"Was that your dad?" Vada asked as you closed the door to your room, carefully looking around.

It looked just like she thought it would, if she had to guess based on your looks and personality.

You had a bookshelf that was filled with books of all kinds, novels, thrillers, romance, you name it, everything was there. Your walls were covered with photographs that looked like they were self taken. You had a few plants placed on different surfaces, even a guitar leaning against a corner of the rooms.

"Step dad." You corrected, putting your hands in the back pockets of your pants. Carefully watching her face expressions as she inspected your room.

"He's a drunk with a short temper.. So.. I'm sorry if he scared you." You carefully spoke, not wanting for Vada to feel scared.

Vada quickly shook her head, her eyes catching your laptop on your bedside table. "Now.." she grabbed the computer with one hand, looking up at you with a smile, trying her hardest to lighten the mood.

"Are we doing this or what?"

***

Vada had done it. She had kissed you. On the lips.

It wouldn't have been a problem when she knew it was just a bet. It would have been fine if she didn't feel butterflies in her stomach when your lips touched hers. Everything would've been fine if she didn’t develop feelings for you.

She didn't know how she was supposed to tell Nick. Obviously she didn't have to, but her ocean of words would eventually expose her when she least expected it.

She had been trying to give Nick hints about it for the whole day, but he just laughed it off; assuming it was jokes about how she felt. Which made Vada feel irritated, it’s not like it’s impossible to catch feelings.

Vada had never excepted to grow fond of a quiet person like you. But you just made it impossible.

You were the greatest listener Vada ever came across. Most of the times when she talked or rambles to Nick, her family or basically anyone, she felt ignored half of the time, like they never payed attention to what she was saying.

But you did. You listened all the time. She didn't have to repeat the things she said or ask if you were listening. You were always nodding when she spoke, always smiling at her, nodding when she needed confirmation.

You didn't have much space to talk, but when you did, Vada felt like she could listen to it for hours.

You were pretty. Every single one of your features was something that Vada admired. She couldn't help it.

She hadn't realized the feelings she had for you until she had kissed you. Which almost made her regret doing it in the first place.

Two days had passed after the kiss, and another date had been planned to happen. Vada laid on her bed, hair sprawling everywhere, phone in her hand directed to her face with Nick on the other line.

"You went to her house?" Nick spoke, sounding satisfied and confused at the same time. A huge grin was placed on his face, making Vada realize he was going to tease her about this too.

Vada just nodded, scrunching her nose in false disgust; trying to play along with the whole 'you're super weird' thing.

"What was it like? Was her parents all quiet as well?" He kept going, almost making Vada annoyed. Before, his snarky comments about the different kinds of preconceptions he had about people didn't seem to annoy Vada at all, in fact she used to add things to them.

But the prejudices he had about you and your family made her frustrated. It made her think of the sadness and fear in your eyes the whole time you were in your own house, the way your hands almost shook when you had walked her to the door.

"It was fine." She answered simply, not wanting to hear him bash you or your family any further.

Nick seemed to notice that since he didn't ask more about it. But he still had questions, like he always did. About everything.

"When are you going to tell her it's just a bet?" He smiled, clearly enjoying the 'torment' he thought he was putting his friend through.

Vada shifted in her laying position, sitting up. A frown on her face as she spoke. "I don't know yet."

And that was true. Vada had no idea when she was going to tell you. The feelings she realized existed didn't help either. How was she supposed to tell you that the dates were fake? That she didn't actually like you.

"There's only a few days left of the week." The boy continued, putting even more pressure on her. Vada didn't feel the need to answer. She knew well enough that the week was coming to an end.

"She's supposed to come over in a few minutes so I got to go." She said, hinting to the guy on the phone that she didn't want engage in a further conversation with him about the subject.

Nick just laughed; something he seemed to do every moment Vada said something about you.

"Alright bye love bird. Make sure to kiss her today then." Nick waved at the screen, a proud smile painting his face. "I mean, if you want those hundred bucks."

Vada almost blushed at the words. The thoughts of the night not too long ago when your lips met filling her mind.

She hung up before Nick got the chance to see the tint of red that was starting to appear on her face; knowing how much he'd tease her about it if he had seen it.

When Nick's voice could no longer be heard in the room, she dragged both her hands down her face, sighing deeply out of relief. But it was quickly filled with tension again as she turned to check the watch on her bedside table.

You should've been here already.

Her eyes widened as she thought of the worst thing possible.

What if her mom had opened the door and let you in? That would be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to her. It was embarrassing enough that she had greeted you at the worst time possible the first time you came over; the first time you guys almost kissed.

Vada wasn't embarrassed of her mom, the opposite actually. But the problem was that Mrs Cavell always seemed to find the absolute worst moments to appear in. Always.

"Mom!" Vada shouted out, rapidly climbing out of her bed, almost stumbling on her own feet while landing.

"Mom, If someone knocks on the door it's for-" Vada began to yell again, opening the door to her room; that she had shut with force when Nick had called.

But she harshly interrupted herself when she saw who was standing in front of her.

You stood there. With a bouquet of roses in your left hand, your knuckles white from holding them for too long.

Your expression was unreadable, but Vada could see sadness in your eyes. And she couldn't figure out why. Then it hit her.

"H-how long have you been standing here?" She questioned, praying to all gods above that what she thought had happened, wasn't true.

"It was a bet?" Your voice sounded hollow, trails of shaking could also be heard. Your bottom lip trapped between your teeth.

Vada began to panic. You had heard her. She didn't have a single clue on what she was going to answer. It was a bet before. But Vada was feeling like it wasn't now. That's why she had no idea what was about to come out of her mouth.

"No! I-I mean yes.. but no! It was but I'm starting to really feel like-" Vada rambled, her hands being all over the place as she spoke, trying to speak with her hands, but it didn't help since you interrupted her before she got the chance to finish.

"It's fine..Vada." You said softly. No anger in your voice at all. You shifted your weight from one leg to another before hesitantly moving the bouquet of roses towards the petite brunette, almost shoving it into her chest by the time it reached her figure, which resulted in her slowly taking them into her hands. She looked at the roses with a sad gaze, before she shifted her eyes up to you.

"I'm gonna go." You stated simply. Turning your body half way before making eye contact with Vada again. "I really liked you, Vada." You said, then you rapidly walked away down the hall.

"Y/n. I-" Vada tried, she wanted to chase after you, tell you about the whole situation. Even though the story she would tell you wouldn't be great either, she still wanted you to know how she felt; what she was about to say before you interrupted her with your soft voice that Vada adored. But nothing more came out. Her feet were glued to the floor, making her unable to move.

The last thing she heard was the door shutting. Making Vada grown loudly, cursing to herself at the fact that she allowed this to happen to begin with. She was the one that took this bet. It was all her fault. Maybe a little bit Nicks for making it, but still.

***

You didn't come to school the next day. As expected.

Nick had been asking Vada about the 'date' all throughout first and second period, not knowing that the date didn't happen, it didn't even get a chance to start before it was utterly and completely ruined.

She left the questions unanswered, not feeling the need to share the situation with him.

Vada also didn't feel like telling Nick she had kissed you. She didn't care if that meant she didn't get the added fifty bucks, she had gotten your trust instead of that. And then she ruined it.

She did get fifty bucks from Nick for 'completing the task' as he said it.

But she caused shattered a heart for it.

[plastictoyphone]

Attachment Will Bring Me To My Doom

(The long awaited Black backstory)

Peeps the time has come: @kijimha @city-of-c0rpses @joanbarrie @fedya-the-rat-god @myluckymoon @respiratory-kristem

"Our baby boy..... We will love you forever." Those were the first words I ever remember my mother saying to me. I was barely a few months old yet that loving memory is still faint in the back of my mind. Slowly fading away from my subconscious.

I would have been lucky. A loving mother, a proud father, excited and supportive brothers. Yet I was unlucky. For I was stuck with this curse that has taken everything away from me.

It was all an accident too.....

Most parents would be excited and proud when their baby says their first word. Mine was mommy. It was easy to roll off the tongue and that's who I wanted most when it came to attention. Mommy, I wanted mommy to hold me. To feed me, to love me, to speak to me, I wanted her.

"Mommy." I wailed in my crib. I can't remember how old I was or the memory so well. The only thing I can remember was waking up that night in a cold sweat and a bad cough. A poor sick little child wanting his mother to comfort him.

Make it stop.

"Mommy." 96. I cried again when she didn't come.

Make it stop.

"Mommy!" 97

Stop it!

"Mommy!!!" 98

STOP THIS! JUST STOP TALKING! KEEP SILENT!

"MOMMY!!!" 99

I don't remember much, other than the faint sounds of her slippers tapping the floor and the warmth of her arms as she scooped me up. Her soft voice comforting me. "You okay my baby boy?"

I shivered in her arms before closing my eyes. "Cold....." 100.

I never saw my mother from that day forward ever again.

In fact I never saw the rest of my family from that day forward ever again as well. All I know is these 4 white walls and complete utter isolation with no contact from the outside world. I had no name as well. I used to have one before I was taken away by a facility, but I was given a new one. Or multiple I should say.

Rey was the common one. So was child 89, Mute, silent killer, "that kid", and most of all Black. To the facility I wasn't a child to them. In all reality I was some uncontrolled weapon of a monster who would kill anyone by a single touch if I spoke too much.

They tried to "cure me" at this facility. Testing to see if I can be stable enough for the outside world. Yet those moments were nothing but pain.

I would kick and scream every time the "doctors" tried to take me to a examining room. I was scared, I didn't care if my screaming for help or to be let go was going to get someone killed. I didn't want to go through another experiment or examination. I'm tired of the needles, the pills, the electro shocks, or anything that would keep me quiet.

Worst of all the doctors would lock a iron muzzle on my face, locking my jaw shut so I couldn't speak. Those were the worst moments because I felt so powerless in those moments. All I could do is sit in my cell, sitting in a straitjacket with no freedom to move around more utter a single sound.

These 4 walls became my life. And so did that man. The head of the facility. I didn't bother to remember his name or face. Why should I when all he repeated to me was, "Try not to get attached to people, 89. It's for your own good and for the rest of the world as well. Everything that you will love will die by your hand. It's best to keep your distance and stay far away. So no one can ever get hurt."

So I obey those orders.

Because in the end someone did end up getting hurt because of me. For once in my life the facility let me out of my so called home and out into the real world for just a month. To test the waters if I was stable enough.

At the time I was 17, they put me into a high school, yet I was barely given any schooling about the real world or how people act. All I knew to do was to keep quiet and count how many times I spoke a single word. In order to communicate I would pass notes and lie that I was a mute. This would keep most people away from me so no one got hurt. If they ignore me because I'm a mute then they won't get hurt or killed by me.

Yet it still happened. Even when I tried to keep my distance someone had to die by my hand. All because I wanted to help.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Some girl at school invited me to her house party, it's what you would normally expect from any drama show or movie. Lots of people, underage drinking, smoking, drinking games, a couple making out in the back. I only went because I didn't know how to say no.

Though I wish I didn't go. Because that night the girl who invited me was getting harassed by some guys. I wanted to step in, after all she was nice to me. Yet I lost count of how many words I have spoken. And by the graze of her hand on my shoulder, everything fell apart.....

I never saw that girl or that house ever again.

The facility immediately took me back after the incident. After that it was back to every day life within these 4 walls. That was until one night I was sleeping peacefully in my bed, unaware that someone was out for my blood.

There was a hand tight against my neck and I jolt awake to see a guy older than me with a knife, ready to kill me. I panicked of course, how could I not? I seen this guy before. He was the older brother of that girl who invited me to the party. From the piercing look in his eyes, I can tell he was out to get me for the incident.

I don't know how but after a bunch of struggle and bashing our heads against walls and glass, we ended up outside in the deep woods. I was trying to run but he was chasing up behind me. When I got near a river I attempted to leap over it but he tackled me and dunked me underwater, his hands around my throat as I struggle and kick to no avail. I was power less underwater and I was losing air.

This was the end of me.....

That was until the man's hand let go of my throat and somebody else yanked me out of the water when I fell unconscious. Soon before I knew it I was coughing up water and leaning against a tree. Stood before me was a tan guy with glasses and yellow eyes.

His name was Nicholas. I called him my brother once he took me in thay day. Now I'm with this Mafia organization called XY for a couple of years now. It's quite nice. The people here are a little weird but it's my kind of weird.

For once it feels like I have a family to call my own.

Yet I'm scared. I still keep my distance away from everyone else. Standing in the dark shadows while everyone else has fun in the light. Because if I step into the light then I'll get attached. And attachment will bring me to my doom. Keep my distance and no one gets hurt.

That's how it will always be.

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 32

Auhor's note: Two things. 1: Only three chapters (two + epilogue) left! 😱 And 2... I'm sorry 🫣

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"I don't know who has eaten more candy, me or the kids" Emma says.

"I think it's a draw" I chuckle.

"You could have also eaten some, you know? Some sugar will do you good, cheer you up."

"I'm fine, Emma."

"No, you aren't. You don't need any make up to look dead, you've been leaving in a constant Halloween for the past weeks."

"Wow, thank you" I laugh.

"Val, I'm sorry if it sounds mean, but I'm worried about you. Are you sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine" I repeat. But I'm not. 

Since the game against Manchester United, things haven't improved. At the stadium no one has bothered me again, probably because Dani did talk with someone. And at the school people don't gossip about me anymore. But online…

Online the mole has kept sharing photos and things about me, the haters loving it, their mean comments getting worse and worse. And nothing seems to be stopping them, not even Pedri giving an interview and calling them out for their behaviour. 

"You are such a bad liar, Val…" Emma says. "And that's why you are having lunch with me and my family today."

"What?"

"Yep. You need to have a proper meal, and if there is someone who can give you that, that's my mum. So c'mon" she says, linking her arm with mine and starting to walk.

"Emma, I don't want to bother your family."

"You won't be bothering anyone. They haven't seen you in ages, they are looking forward to it."

"Shouldn't we get rid of this make up, first? I don't know how they will feel if we show up looking like skeletons."

"Stop inventing excuses and let's go" she says, dragging me outside the school.

"Bye, Miss Valeria! Happy Halloween!"

"Happy Halloween" I smile to some of the kids waiting for their parents. And when we cross the main gate…

"Cougar bitch!" someone yells.

"What the… Val!" Emma says. "Oh my God, Val. Are you ok?"

"I… I…" I mumble. I'm covered on something sticky. Something sticky that stinks and…

"Val, hey. Val!"

"I… I…"

"What the fuck are you doing, people?" I hear Emma say. "Stop taking photos! Show some respect!"

"Emma…" I whisper.

"It's ok, come" she says, putting an arm around my shoulders and making me walk.

"Girls! What happened?" Luis says, running towards us.

"Some teenagers threw eggs and god knows what else at Val when we were leaving."

"What?" 

"Emma… Emma, I don't feel ok" I manage to say.

"Don't worry, Val. You are safe now" Luis says, helping me walk. "We'll go inside and help you get cleaned."

"I… I can't… I can't breathe."

"Val… Val, hey… Val!" Emma says, her voice being the last thing I hear before everything turns black. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Hello, beautiful."

"Pedri?" I say, slowly opening my eyes. "What… Where am I?"

"The hospital."

"What?"

"Woah, careful" he says when I try to get up from the bed. "You can't do that."

"Why? What… what happened?" I ask, my eyes still trying to adjust to how bright the light in the room is.

"You fainted at the school. Don't you remember?"

"I… I think…" The teenagers. Whatever they threw at me. Luis and Emma. "Fuck."

"I'll take that as you remembering" he chuckles. 

"How did I end here, tho?"

"After you fainted you weren't waking up, Emma got scared and called an ambulance. They ran some tests and turns out that everything in you is low. Your iron levels, the vitamins, other things I have no idea what they are… They were lucky they caught you when they did, you know? This could have been serious."

"I… I…" 

"You haven't been taken care of yourself, Val. And I…" Pedri says, running his hands through his hair. "I knew there was something going on. I could see it. But I'm stupid and…"

"Pedri, hey. Hey" I say, taking one of his hands on mine. "It isn't your fault."

"Isn't it?" he laughs. Though it is a sad laugh, one that makes my heart sink. "I knew you were struggling and I did nothing to stop it. To help you."

"Because I didn't let you. You, or Emma, or Silvia. You know how stubborn I am, it is all my fault."

"No, Val. This is…"

"Valeria!" my mother says, storming into the room. "Oh, Valeria, my poor child."

"Mum?"

"How are you, Val? When they told me they had taken you to the hospital I feared the worst."

"I… I'm fine" I say, trying to process this outburst of motherly love. "I just haven't been eating well and resting and…"

"And it is all his fault!" she says, looking at Pedri.

"Mum…"

"It is! He is the one to blame, the one who has pushed you to this, to almost dying!"

"Mum, that's not true."

"Have you seen yourself, Val? You are too thin, and the bags under your eyes reach the floor. And do you know why? Because of him. It is all because of him!" she says, pointing at Pedri. "Love should not have you looking like this!"

"She's right, Val" he says, his eyes focused on his hands.

"Of course I am!" my mum says, raising her voice more and more. "Get out of here!"

"What? No!" I complian.

"Get out of here, Pedro! I don't want to see you near my daughter ever again!"

"Mum, stop!"

"I said get out!"

"I… I'm sorry" he says, getting up from his chair and starting to walk away.

"No! Pedri, don't go!"

"Out!" my mum roars again.

"No! Pedri!" I say, trying to get up from the bed but only managing to get tangled with the sheets.

"He has to go, Val. This is all his fault."

"No! No, no, no. Pedri!" I yell, trying to free myself from my mum's grip.

"Is everything ok?" a nurse says, walking into the room. "Why is she screaming?"

"She needs to calm down. Can you give her something?"

"I don't want to calm down, mum! I want him! Pedri!" I yell again.

"I'm gonna call a doctor" the nurse says before leaving.

"I want him, mum" I cry. "I love him."

"I know you do, Val" she says while hugging me. "I know you do. But this is for the best, I promise you."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Val" Silvia says after knocking on my room's door. "He's here. Do I ask him to come in?"

"Yes, please" I reply, quickly opening my phone's camera to check myself. I've been resting in bed since I came back from the hospital, and I definitely look like shit.

"You look beautiful, Val."

"Bloody hell, Pedri" I say, my phone slipping from my hands and hitting the floor. When I look up he is leaning against the door's frame as he always does, that smirk I love so much in his face. "Do you do it on purpose?"

"Do what? Scare you?"

"No. That" I say, gesturing towards him. "Do you stand like that because you know I love it?" 

"I didn't know you loved it" he shrugs.

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm serious" he says, walking towards me and picking up my phone.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome" he smiles, sitting on my bed. Though that smile isn't one I love. It is a sad one. "How are you?"

"Good. But I've missed you" I say, reaching for his hand.

"Val…" Pedri says, avoiding my touch. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"You know about what."

"No, I don't."

"Val…" he sighs. "We need to talk about what happened at the school. About you ending at the hospital, about what your mum said."

"My mum just said nonsense" I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Did she? Because I think she was right."

"What?" I laugh.

"Love should not make you feel like this. Anxious, scared, angry, sad… It should not make you feel so on edge that you end up at the hospital." 

"I'm not feeling like that."

"C'mon, Val. Can't you see it? Being with me is hurting you. And I… I can't keep seeing you suffer like this because of me. I… we… we should…"

"We should what? Break up?" 

"I'm sorry, Val. But it is for the best."

"The best?" I cry. "How is breaking up for the best? I love you!"

"And I love you too."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?"

"Because we are hurting each other, Val" he says, raising his voice. "Because I keep hurting you!"

"You aren't hurting me, Pedri. People are!"

"But they are hurting you because of me, because you are with me. It's the same!"

"It's… urgh!" I yell, throwing one of my pillows against the wall. The pillow with his photo on it to be precise.

"I'm sorry, Val, but your mum was right. It's best if I stay away."

"My mum knows nothing, Pedri. Nothing! She just said that because she's never liked you for whatever the reason!"

"It isn't for whatever the reason. She's never liked me because she was able to see that us being together was bound to end up with me hurting you."

"What?" I laugh and cry all at the same time.

"Goodbye, Val."

"What? No! Pedri, where are you going?" I say, getting up from my bed at the same time he does, having to hold to him to not fall.

"Look at you, Val. Look at you. This is all my fault" he says while hugging me. 

"It's not your fault. It isn't" I insist, my body trembling between his arms. "It's them, not you."

"I'm sorry, Val."

"No" I cry when he takes a step away. "Pedri, please, no."

"I love you, Val. I will always love you" he whispers, kissing my forehead and leaving the room.

"Pedri. Pedri, please… Pedri!" I yell. But he doesn't come back. He isn't coming back.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Beth, Luis. What are you doing here?" I say when I open the door of my apartment.

"We've come to check on you" she smiles.

"And to bring you this" he says, giving me a bouquet of flowers. 

"Oh, that's so kind of you" I reply while trying really hard not to cry, the memories of all the bouquets Pedri got me over the years coming back. "Please come in."

"Thank you" they say.

"So, how are you?" Beth says, taking my hand on hers.

"Been better, not gonna lie" I chuckle. "But my doctor said that physically I'm almost recovered."

"Good, that's good. Because we have something that may help you with everything else" Beth says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"We all know break ups aren't easy. Especially when two people love each other as much as you and Pe… him love each other. But there is something that I know always helps, and that's keeping yourself busy with something."

"I don't think I'm ready to go back to the school just yet…"

"We were thinking about something like that but different" Luis says, showing me a piece of paper he had in his pocket. "Have you ever heard about this program? It's like an Erasmus but for teachers."

"An Erasmus?" I ask.

"Yeah. Instead of spending a year abroad studying, you do it teaching." 

"We have a few friends who have tried it and they all have loved it. The other day we had dinner with some of them and they mentioned that there were some free spots that start in January and last just six months instead of the whole year" Beth explains. 

"And we thought that a change of scenery would do you good" Luis continues. "New country, new kids and parents, new language, culture, people…"

"Though not really” Beth says. “Because one of the free spots is in Manchester, and you have a friend there, don't you?"

"I do, yes. Ferran."

"Are things ok between you two?" she asks.

"They are, yes. He's been checking up on me daily since I was in the hospital" I say.

"Well, now he could do it in person and maybe help you with everything else so you don't feel so alone." 

"And who knows, he may even help you fix things with your boy and get back together."

"Luis!" Beth scolds him.

"What? You said it yourself!"

"I didn't, Val. I just… I…"

"It's ok" I smile. "And you are right. If there is someone who can help, that's Ferran."

"Then will you think about our offer?"

"I will, Beth. Thank you very much."

"Anything for you, Val" she says before hugging me. "Anything for you."

[llovelyclouds]

notes on pyrrha dve

heres all the relevant info i took note of on pyrrha during my tlt reread, in one place!

(you can find all the other posts from this project here!)

PYRRHA DVE

titles:

Gideon’s cavalier, first gen, founded the second

greek mythological orgin of the name pyrrha

also, pyrrhic victory

notes from gideon the ninth:

G1deon & Pyrrha's room in Canaan house includes a drawing of a chimaera that Gideon describes as "familiar" and a picture on the wall of John and his pals (presumably) with everyone's faces scribbled out with a thick black marker. Also guns (gtn. pg. 205)

notes from harrow the ninth:

presumably lead the development of her and G1dieon's trial at Canaan house, as Mercy refers to it as "Pyrrha's trial" (htn. pg. 97)

 The reason G1deon is named the Saint of Duty (htn. pg. 177)

Asked Wake to kill G1deon quickly (htn. pg. 205)

Was most likely the one conscious in G1dieon’s body when Harrow caught her fucking Wake in Cytherea’s body????? (htn. pg. 216)

"I will remember the first time you kissed me- you apologised- you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you / I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it- but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine" -Wake's note (htn. pg. 252)

All the lyctors and John loved her (and also thought she was super hot) (htn. pg. 274)

Augustine developed his smoking habit to impress her (htn. pg. 275)

Was ten years older than Augustine (htn. Pg. 278)

G1deon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

Mattaius Nonius fought G1deon, and seems to owe Pyrrha a debt (htn. pg. 455)

"We compartmentalised from the Eightfold Word, just like you and your girl- though I'm an accident, and he took more from me than got taken from you. I was able to go underground, even from him."- Pyrrha (htn. pg. 494)

notes from nona the ninth:

Used to be a cop, made detective, knew Gideon from "way back" (ntn. pg. 74)

"'You should be draining and replacing her fucking brain fluid,' said Pyrrha. 'When Gideon and I designed that trial, I used to crack his skull and sieve it myself, just as a control variable. It's aggregative. I doubt you're testing her white blood cell count either. The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn't mind being trepanned on the regular. Fucking around with souls is the problem, Sextus… you can't ever get data on souls.'" - Pyrrha, discussing when Cam & Pal "overlap" (ntn. pg. 84)

"I visited her hometown back before Anastasia got settled, and it was grim as fuck then. Just spooky caves all the way down…" -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 86)

"'Do they still do gravid carry where you come from?' 'On the Sixth, only for research,' said Palamedes. 'I helped at a birth once. Theres a lot of noise and run-up before the real thing happens.'" -Pyrrha and Palamedes (ntn. pg. 121)

"P- was great, but like, Ministry ties or no Ministry ties, a big part of her career was going around to the local high schools and telling the drugs kids that they shouldn't be doing drugs. She'd won medals for competition shooting back north in Hamilton, but we're not talking Jesse James. We're talking Hamilton."- john (ntn. pg. 191)

"She chose us that day, not her career. I always loved her for that. She'd adored being a cop." -john (ntn. pg. 191)

"and it was P- of all people who said, First things first. If they're going to let us fix the world, you've got to make them take us seriously. Get some leverage. If they want to make you into a bad wizard, be a bad wizard. We can write the history books to say you were a good wizard. Or at least an okay wizard. They're not going to listen because we talk nicely, they're going to listen because we scare the shit out of them. He said, Which goes to show you that only getting to NCEA Level 2 isnt going to stop you making waves in life, right." (ntn. pg. 271)

"Nona had thrown exactly two tantrums in her entire life. She couldn't remember anything about the first one, but Pyrrha had told her about it. Pyrrha had been laughing with her mouth, but not with her eyes: her eyes had been very brown and distant and uneasy, as though this tantrum had reminded Pyrrha of something her brain didn't want to bring back." (ntn. pg. 275)

She mentions disco?? how does she know what disco is??? (ntn. pg. 362)

"Gideon… G-, you died for nothing." -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 390)

“I remember P- behind a barricade… not dead yet… telling me, John, run.” (ntn. pg. 406)

Died pretty immediately after Mercy and Augustine, but before G1deon (ntn. Pg. 407)

“Who are you, foreigner, that you know the mysteries of the Anastasian?” “I was here before it was the Anastasian,” said Pyrrha absently. “Painted a nursery. Mint green.” (ntn. pg. 453)

“Cass and Mercy and I worked on cell thanergy- we need thanergy, fresh thanergy, to activate…” - Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 471)

“And Alecto said, Pyrrha, he laid me down as an appeasement to them; he fed you to them as an appeasement to them; but he has never appeased me, and now all he has done was teach me how to die.“ (ntn. Pg. 476)

[misspermitted]

A lot of talk about infodumping as a love language on my feed recently and having the ‘tism and this blog I naturally want to contribute with my experience.

A lot of people are saying they infodump as a way to share their joy with others, which isn’t really why I do it. But when I think about how I feel when my ND friends infodump on me, I do share their joy. So maybe that is where the ND urge to infodump comes from, and I’ve just been conditioned for so long that infodumping is bad and no one enjoys it, that I can’t view it as sharing joy.

Why I Infodump

For me infodumping is a love language primarily because when I do it I feel safe with someone. I’ve been continuously shamed into thinking my passion is an inconvenience of embarrassing, and so I become very quiet in most social situations. When I infodump it means I feel like the person won’t judge me.

Usually the first time I infodump on someone it’s a conscious choice, and I only do it a little to test the waters. If the person immediately shames me or tries to shut me up, I put it in my head to never unmask around them and usually don’t put a lot of effort into the acquaintance from there on out.

(I know there has also been a lot of talk about NT and ND people trying to bridge communication gaps, and my immediate detachment from people who won’t engage with infodumping is probably not healthy for that. At the same time, while I respect people’s efforts to have NT friends and such, that’s their choice, not mine. Friendships are where I broaden my opinions and empathy in a safe and happy space, not where I combat ableism and prejudice. I don’t have the mental stability for that atm.)

How I Feel When ND Friends Infodump On Me

With my ND friends, I actively try to encourage them to infodump. My personal reason for this is because I really enjoy it, I feed off other peoples excitement (because my ADHD brain cannot produce its own dopamine apparently) so I find it just as spoon-rejuvenating as my own special interests. I also just love learning new things.

However, on the friendship side of things, I really like knowing someone is comfortable enough with me to share their interests. It makes me so mad when my ND friends apologise for infodumping because you shouldn’t have to apologise for being you! Im not mad at them, I’m mad that people make us feel embarrassed about who we are and being excited. Sometimes listening to my ND friends infodump is when I mask the most tbh. I try to communicate to them clearly through questions and facial expressions that I am also excited about their interest, when I don’t usually ask questions and have resting autism face.

I also always feel so much more deeply connected with a friend knowing about their interests and what makes them happy or angry than things like their childhood school or favourite colour. I also find sometimes with ND friends we infodump all our trauma on each other straight away, which means I know way way too much about them already haha

(I also wanna say that infodumping trauma is a bit different for me than when someone trauma dumps. For me the main difference between the two is that trauma dumping becomes something you have to emotionally support the person through, whereas infodumping trauma is the person telling you everything they’ve figured out about themselves and how they understand it. Trauma dumping is very draining for me, it feels like I’m holding all the trauma afterwards and it’s usually very feelings and emotions heavy. Infodumping trauma is like “this is everything I’ve read about it what I experienced and this is how I’m struggling to intellectualise it.” And then usually I respond with a similar experience I had and things I read and this goes on for hours.)

[sumire-no-nikki]

By The Throat

In a classic act of shooting myself in the foot, I have avoided writing for months.

I fall ill like this every once in a while when I am given to running away from myself. And it’s the same as it has always been when I let everything go and dance with the devil. The same patches of memory plays itself out, dim vignettes of defeat and retreat. All the versions I’ve ever been flatten into one. I become thoroughly convinced of my helplessness.

I had gotten my heart broken recently.

In all honesty, it wasn’t even the most devastating heartbreak I’ve endured. It wasn’t even the most tragic. Considering where I am in life right now, I am better equipped to absorb such an impact than when I was a child. I’ve got options. But life wears you down, doesn’t it? As much as I am surrounded with so much to be thankful for, I found myself in terrible despair. Surely this meant I lack something. Surely this meant I have been broken all along. After all, there are lucky people in the world, allowed to take for granted most basic of things—a home, family, love. To look away, to not have to count the hours, to wander freely and know that the same comforts will always be there where you left it—such a reality is unfathomable to someone like me.

Everything I have loved, I held by the throat.

It was a sunny mid-afternoon when I found out about it. It was an awfully bright day. The air was cooler than one might expect in the thick of summer. It felt like a joke. It could have easily been the setting of a glorious conclusion to a lifelong pursuit, a sigh of relief. Instead, I found myself held back again by circumstances beyond my control. I wanted to hurl questions, accusations, blame. At what, I didn’t know. Have I not passed the test? How much more control, patience, discipline and hard work would be required of me? Have I not paid the toll? Pointless questions. Who was the examiner? Who would pass the sentence? Who was watching? No one.

I suppose in its own way, the performance of despair was a way to cope. Good is rewarded, the bad punished. So I came prepared, dressed for the role. I took elaborate bows at the curtain call for the Just World Musical. What crime had I committed this time? What wrong had I done aside from being born the way I am? I’ve been othered into othering myself. Look, I’m my greatest critic! A display of self awareness—a shield, a badge of honor. Am I good enough yet? Do I deserve what I want yet? I’ve always been something to be reared, something to be bent into shape, so my mother always quipped. Love was correction, love was instruction. The more I am thwarted, the more precious I would come out of the process. I should be thankful for being repeatedly tested like this! How does that one adage go? Pressure makes diamonds. Well, what happens to those who break instead? Decades of instinctively knowing, understanding and advocating for humanism, rejecting toxic cult mentalities, and I am still reduced to a hapless Sunday school girl when I’m at my lowest. Well that’s Catholic efficiency for you.

I’ve been asked several times to explain this dream before, where it began and why. My answer has morphed as I got older. I have come to understand that people required goals to be situated within certain paradigms. Capitalist, practical, ambitious, intellectual, utilitarian. That’s how it is, isn’t it? And I got quite good at doing just that—translating my inner world into something marketable, something useful. I even came close to deluding myself in the process. I bargained. I compromised because I was sick of being misunderstood and invalidated. But the true answer is this: I don’t know. I don’t know when it began, I’ve just always felt this way. I don’t know what it’s all for. I just know what I love. I know what gets me going. I know what interests me. And it just does.

In the throes of drunken stupor, I tried to exorcise this longing of mine, because, well, I am simply tired of trying so damn hard. How many times have I attempted this? I tell myself, I could abandon it all, become a new person altogether. Wouldn’t that be the kinder thing? To euthanize the runt that will never make it out of infancy? To amputate an infected limb that’s too far gone to heal? I could forget everything! I could disappear! I’m good at starting over. I’m good at making something out of a loss. There would be a distinct break in my life—the before and the after. I could sell every single thing I own that reminds me of who I used to be. Maybe this was the final push, I thought. It was comforting enough for the sake of immediate relief. I even began to write a mental list of what this great change would entail, only to quickly realize that nearly everything I have is rooted in this lifelong pursuit. Who I am is so deeply entrenched in its soil, I’ve taken root and grown parts of myself that are native to it. If displaced, who could I possibly become? Someone unrecognizable, someone with a different gaze, a different tongue.

I recollect all the moments of my life in which I hit rock bottom. When I was younger, when I was much braver and had my whole life ahead of me, I would stare at the ceiling until my alarm for school went off. Not a wink of sleep but ready to brush it all off to try again. It made me cry but nothing truly fazed me yet. I still believed there was good in the world. In my late teens I coped by driving around the city, socializing with fair-weather friends to distraction. I didn’t quite believe in the good in people anymore but I still played the game. Now, nearing thirty, I find myself reaching for sleep, whatever that means. I’m not as strong as I used to be. People don’t have faces to me anymore.

My aunt once told me I ought to be careful because my heart breaks too hard. Well, what could I do? I don’t know how else to be. I’ve always said what I meant even when it got me in trouble. I’ve always yearned with all my heart, even when it never made sense to anyone else. Get knocked down seven times, rise eight times. But a nail that sticks out gets hammered down. I’m at war with my nature, at war with my history. I think of the girl I was, struck down left and right, her outstretched arms, reaching hands just to be denied and let go. She still lives inside me, and I will not kill her. If everyone else has rejected her, I refuse to deliver the final act of condemnation. I have never been a quitter.

I will not kill her.

I write all of this, finally, after putting it off for so long. I return home to a tired body. I have a lot of cleaning up to do. Just as I’ve always done before, I will sort the place out, change the sheets and put on the kettle. I will shower the muck off, change into old faded home clothes, tuck myself in bed. A soothing song will be streaming out of the speakers while I fill the silence with sounds of living. And when I’m up to it again, whenever that may be, I’ll be on my way back to that dream like I always have.

[dadjokestop]

Blonde Jokes Funny

Blonde Jokes Funny have been a staple of humor for ages, often playing on stereotypes with a light-hearted twist. While humor can sometimes tread into tricky waters, the goal here is to make everyone laugh without crossing any lines. So, get ready for some hilarious blonde jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re sharing them at a party or just looking for a laugh, these jokes are bound to bring smiles all around! "Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?" Because she heard the drinks were on the house! "What do you call a blonde with half a brain?" Gifted! "Why did the blonde stare at the can of orange juice for hours?" Because it said “concentrate” on the label! "How did the blonde try to kill a fish?" She threw it on the deck and yelled, “Catch it!” "Why don’t blondes like to ride horses?" Because they don’t want to be seen as stable! "What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?" “Is it mine?” "How do you keep a blonde in suspense?" I’ll tell you tomorrow! "Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?" She kept throwing out the W's! "What’s the difference between a blonde and a carp?" One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucking creature; the other is a fish! "Why did the blonde bring a suitcase to the party?" Because she heard it was going to be a “baggage” claim! "What do you call a blonde who has gone bad?" A double negative! "How does a blonde part her hair?" By going straight down the middle! "What did the blonde do when she saw the sign in front of the store that said 'Free Puppies'?" She took one home and made a sign that said 'Free Humans'! "Why did the blonde bring string to the bar?" To tie one on! "How do you confuse a blonde?" You paint yourself green and throw forks at her! "Why did the blonde wear a sweater to the beach?" She wanted to catch some rays! "Why did the blonde get locked out of her house?" Because she couldn’t find the “back” button on her computer! "What do you call a blonde who can’t swim?" A buoy! "Why did the blonde sit on a clock?" She wanted to be on time! "What do you get when you cross a blonde with a computer?" A blonde who can't find her cursor! "Why was the blonde so excited about the calendar?" She had a date coming up! "What did the blonde say when she found out she had to take a math test?" “Can’t we just use our fingers?” "How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?" One. She holds it and the world revolves around her! "Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?" To remind them “Toes Go In First!” "What’s the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?" A shopping cart has a mind of its own! "Why did the blonde take a pencil to bed?" In case she had a brilliant idea! "Why did the blonde go to school with a ladder?" She wanted to go to high school! "What do you get when you ask a blonde to spell 'iCup'?" She spells it out, “I see you pee!” "Why don’t blondes use tea bags?" Because they can’t remember the instructions! The Lighter Side of Blonde Humor And there you have it—an entertaining collection of Blonde Jokes Funny that are perfect for sharing with friends and lightening the mood! The essence of these jokes is all in good fun, reminding us that laughter is universal and can bring us all together, no matter our hair color. So next time you're looking for a quick laugh or want to bring a smile to someone’s face, reach for one of these blonde jokes. They’re guaranteed to lighten up the room and spark some good-natured banter. Remember, humor is a great way to connect with others, so enjoy these jokes and keep the laughter rolling!

[casspurrjoybell-32]

All It Took Was One Look - Chapter 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Aiden

It had been a couple days since I got squished under two football players, my headaches were gone now but my wrist hurts still.

I had to write with my left hand and let me tell you I suck writing with my left hand, everything comes out in scribbles and it's not pretty.

I met Jay at the steps of school, she was tapping away on her cell-phone furiously.

She was intently staring at the screen and hadn't even realized that I was coming towards her.

So I did what any other best friend would do, I scared her.

Sneaking slowly behind her I reached out to grab her sides when she said...

"Don't even think about it," while still tapping away on her phone.

My arms fell down in defeat.

"How do you always know?"

Every time I try she always ruins it.

"Because I'm a ninja 'SON,'" she turned towards me and socking my shoulder harder than was necessary.

Flinching I backed away holding my shoulder and pouted.

"Ow," I complained.

"Whatever," she said walking through the schools front doors.

I was about to follow her but something caught my eye.

There was someone across the quad staring at me.

Frowning I squinted to see Liam of all people.

Quickly I chased after Jeanine into the school.

Weird.

Liam

Life for me has been awesome so far.

But yesterday was like a plane crashing to earth with me standing in its way.

It all started yesterday, my day was going splendid till Kyle decided to be the usual ass he is.

I was making my way to my class, doing last minute reading for my English test when someone bumped into me roughly.

My books fell from my hands and I was slammed into the wall.

"Watch where you're going 'Parker,'" he snarled.

That was all it took for me to snap.

A person could only take so much slamming into from one person that it would make you break.

This is all that Kyle did, bump into me every day just taunting me.

And I've had enough of telling him to back off, I know what you're thinking you should have done something a long time ago but I was really trying to get a handle on my self-control.

You could say I have anger issues or a short fuse.

And let me tell you being a werewolf and having anger issues is a very bad combination but I've been trying.

Kyle has been pushing me closer and closer to the edge but this time I was hurled over.

That's when I broke out in a growl and body slammed him into a classroom door breaking it down in the process.

I punched him in the face but he retaliated fast and jabbed me in the stomach collided with a desk, we grunted together as he rolled on top of me.

I felt something soft under me and sparks were exploding across my back which stunned the crap out of me.

Again Kyle got the upper hand and punched my face I was saved by the soft thing behind me from hitting my head on the floor but weirdly heard a grunt that wasn't mine.

"Mr. Parker. Mr. Jacobs, stop this now," someone said, I assume it was a teacher who was yelling at us but it was too late now, I was seeing red.

Taking him by the scruff of his neck, I started choking him out as I hopped to my feet and began pushing him into the wall.

Repeatedly punching every inch I could reach with my free hand while I choked the air out of him... I just couldn't stop.

It was all a blur, my wolf was more in control then me and I was on the verge of changing in front of everyone in the class.

I remember someone pulling me off of Kyle and pressed there forearm into my chest keeping me from attacking again.

"Calm down Liam," a voice whispered to me in my ear but I couldn't tell who.

All I could do was try to get control of my wolf.

"Kyle get out. Now," the voice said.

"Liam, breathe," they pushed harder against my chest.

"You need to get control."

With a few deep breaths I nodded.

Once I had a hold of myself I realized I was out in the hall with a hand on my shoulder.

Looking up I noticed it was Mr. Simons, my Uncle.

Well he was Elder to everyone who was a werewolf but to the humans he was just a teacher, plain old Mr. Simons.

"Are you okay?" he asked giving me a once over.

I nodded taking another calm breath.

"I'm fine, Uncle Jim," I told him taking a step back from him.

And this is how I ended up in principle Alderman's office watching him rant, but not listening.

"Do you know what you could have done? You could have exposed us all. And you Liam, you're the Alphas son you should have known better. And you Kyle, why are you picking fights with your superior? The Beta and Alpha's son fighting? Ridiculous."

He shook his head at us.

I just stood there and stared at him.

"And..." he continued.

'Oh Sweet Goddess...' I sighed.

"You hurt one of my students in the process. I can't believe our two star football players are acting like pups."

Pinching the bridge of his nose with is forefinger and thumb I watched him slump down in his chair.

There was a shiver that quickly ran down my spine as we waited for him to speak once more.

When I suddenly felt eyes on my back.

Slowly I turned to find the most stunning sky blue eyes I had ever seen in my life.

But what shocked me the most was they belonged to a guy.

My heart had stopped all together and my breathing hitched just from the beauty of him.

Wait beauty. Did I just call him beautiful?

No, that can't be right can it? What's wrong with me?

'Mate,' my inner wolf said.

What? That can't be right. My wolf must be confused or something.

'Mine,' he said.

I knew that your wolf would inform you when his mate was close.

But this person was well... a guy. He was the same sex as me.

This couldn't be right.

I was racking my brain trying to make sense of this.

Have I been dropped off in some parallel universe?

I was brought back by the scared look that crossed his face before he ran off.

"Liam, Liam..."

I turned back towards Mr. Alderman.

"What?" I asked, looking back at Mr. Alderman.

"Are you even listening to me?" he hissed.

I shook my head trying to clear it which he took as an answer, I watched his face turn beat bright red.

"I'm calling your dad, let's see what he has to say about this," he yelled picking up the phone angrily.

After that I was suspended for two weeks and my dad forced me to join the band or whatever when I came back to school.

He said I needed something less violent in my life so I had to join music class.

I mean I know nothing about music.

It was four in the morning on Wednesday and I was laying on my bed looking up at the ceiling, staring at nothing in particular.

Just thinking about how my life had turned into a giant piece of crap.

It's been a few days since the incident and all I could think of was.

"How could this happen? I'm not even gay."

I have a girlfriend for Goddess sakes.

I could feel my wolf stirring, growling at me.

'I know, I know,' I said to him.

Now that I have a mate, I guess that she wasn't my girl anymore.

But I mean geez my mate was a GUY.

Not a nerdy girl that no one ever notices, not the bitchiest bitch on the planet that no one could stand, not even an ugly girl that only a mother would love.

No, no I'm mated to a male, a dude and 'human dude' with a dick.

Okay, okay. I took a deep breath.

I need to talk to someone about this.

I thought about asking my dad but I was worried about what he would think of me.

Then I thought about asking my mom because she's understanding but I just don't have the courage to come around to ask her.

I just don't want their opinions of me to change.

UGH. Grabbing the pillow and smashing it into my face.

'I'm not gay,' I whined to myself.

I stayed there for hours under my pillow, I need to do it.

Quickly I hoped out of bed, changing my clothes real fast and running out the door.

My dad was just leaving for work and saw me.

"LIAM," he called before I was even around the corner.

I closed my eyes out of frustration before slowly turning towards him.

"Yeah?" I asked innocently.

"'Yeah.' Where are you going?" he said mockingly.

I rolled my eyes.

"Nowhere important," I muttered.

"Uhh huh and you're going off to nowhere in a hurry? And why?"

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"No reason. I can't be locked away in that room forever I need air."

Crossing his arms, he leaned against his car and stared at me giving me one of his 'I'm the Alpha and you'll tell me what I need to know' looks.

Sighing I said.

"I need a run."

He just looked at me with narrowed eyes before nodding.

"Alright, but be here before dark your mom needs your help for dinner, Jim's coming over with Darla and little Zoey," he told me getting in his car.

I nodded and waited till he was out of sight.

Once he was gone I went back to what I was doing.

I pulled my cell-phone out of my pocket and saw I only had eight minutes.

I booked it down the street, when I arrived I was looking franticly trying to find him.

I skidded to a stop, searching furiously.

'Maybe it was a mistake.' I thought hopefully.

After a few minutes I finally found him and my heart stopped.

My body was frozen as I gazed into his blue eyes from the sidewalk.

I could feel my wolf jumping around and I sighed closing my eyes.

There was no mistaking it, he was my mate,but who was he?

I was home from my 'ridiculously long run' just before it got dark, my mom was in the kitchen rushing around the room.

"Hey mom," I said walking into the kitchen.

"Hi baby."

She didn't even look up from chopping some carrots.

"You need help?"

"Oh yes, I need you to chop these onions and carrots please."

I nodded taking her spot.

"Thank you honey."

"Yeah."

It was quiet for a while, the only sound was rhythmic beat of the knife hitting the chopping board and my mom making clanking sounds with her beating the spoon against the pot.

After a few minutes she interrupted the silence.

"Honey, is everything okay?" she asked turning to me with a concerned frown on her face.

Raising a brow at her I shook my head.

"I'm fine, what makes you ask that?" I lied.

Am I that obvious?

Shrugging she went back to her pot of whatever it was, I sniffed the air... hmm chicken.

"Well you've been distracted a lot lately and I know you just got suspended, so, I've been thinking it was that but I'm not sure. Are you sure you're alright?"

I smiled, mom always knew me so well.

"No mom, I've just been thinking about football and how I'm missing a lot of practice, our first game is in a couple of weeks."

She nodded before going to do something else.

With the vegetables chopped I went to set the table and just as I was setting down the last utensil I heard the door open, voices carried into the kitchen.

My dad was home, along with Aunt Darla and Uncle Jim.

I moved towards the living room where they were and was tackled into a huge hug.

"Liam."

Chuckling I lifted Zoey up in my arms and gave her a big smacking kiss on her cheek.

"Zo-zo," I said.

"Look at you you're getting so big, I can hardly lift you up."

I pretended that she was heavy and started to sink to the ground.

"My goodness Zoey I... can't.... do...it..."

She let out a scream when I dropped her for a second before catching her and throwing her in the air.

Her screams changed to giggles.

"Stop it," she laughed.

Chuckling I set her down as I turned to Aunt Darla.

"Hey Aunt Darla," I said giving her a hug.

"What you're not going to try and throw me in that air too?" she said pouting.

"I doubt anyone can lift you above their head much less two inches off the ground with your belly the size of Jupiter, Darla. What are you twelve months?" my mom joked coming in to the room and giving her a hug.

"Eight, thank you very much and he could have at least tried to prove I'm not that heavy," she said wiping a pretend tear away.

"Uh- uh, I don't want you breaking my son," my mom said blocking the playful slap heading her way.

"You're evil Nancy."

I moved over to Uncle Jim who was conversing with dad.

"Liam, how you been?" he asked me.

"Good... I guess," I said taking a stand besides my father.

"Oh yeah, I have your homework... it's in the car."

I nodded.

"Cool, thanks."

Jim and dad went back to whatever they were talking about while I played with Zoey until mom and Darla called everyone to the table for dinner.

I was getting up to follow when I felt someone grab my arm pulling me back.

I turned to see Uncle Jim there watching and waiting for everyone to leave before speaking.

I frowned at him.

"What is it," I whispered to him confused.

He shook his head and put a finger to his lips as he dragged me in the hallway.

"Something is different with you, what's happened?"

My eyes widened, how the hell did he do that?

I haven't even seen him since the fight.

"I don''t know..."

"Don't lie to me Liam," he hissed quietly to me.

I bit my bottom lip and stared at him.

"You may be able to lie to your parents but it won't swing with me."

I opened my mouth to say something but it wouldn't come out.

I mean how do you tell your Uncle and Elder that you're mated to a guy when you are 'also' a guy?

What if they decided I was a disgrace and banished me from the pack?

I was next in line for Alpha and my mate was a guy, I don't think the pack would accept that.

I growled at the thought of the pack shunning him away.

Jim was patiently waiting for an answer and I couldn't just lie to an Elder.

"I'll tell you after dinner," I said ready to leave until he grabbed my arm preventing me from moving.

"No you will tell me now," he demanded.

I shook my head... I wasn't ready to say it out loud yet.

"Yes Liam," he pushed.

I stared into his brown eyes seeing the concern but stern look.

Sighing in defeat I answered.

"I found my mate," I muttered.

He looked shocked at first then confused.

"Well, if you found your mate then why are you ashamed to tell us about her?" he asked me.

"This is a good thing. This means that all you have to do is tell your dad and we can have your Alpha Ceremony soon, you know he's been waiting to give you the position for a while now."

I shook my head.

"He won't want to that now," I told him not making eye contact with him.

"What do you mean? Do you think he won't approve of her?"

"I know he won't accept 'my mate'," I said purposely using 'my mate' instead of her.

Uncle Jim caught it.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Liam?" I heard my mom call.

"Can we just drop it?" I begged him, pleading with my eyes.

"Liam you're going nowhere until you tell me what the problem is."

"Come on Uncle, please."

I couldn't do it.

"Now Liam," he exclaimed.

"My mates a guy," I blurted out.

"Ugh... Happy now?"

With that I left him standing there in disbelief as I took my seat at the dinner table.

[everythingpresley]

Prom? (Elvis Presley x Reader)

summary: Elvis and reader are in high school together but are constantly annoying one another (Enemies to lovers?)

word count: 3.8k

warnings: Explicit/Mature (NSFW, 18+)

I was walking down the hallway of our high school when I heard heavy footsteps pounding behind me as someone ran down the hallway.

“Y/N!” Elvis sang, jumping in front of me, halting my steps. He had his grin on full display.

I rolled my eyes “Yes, Presley?” 

“Go to prom with me.” 

I scoffed, shaking my head at him “No.” 

I side stepped him and continued walking.

“Why not?” He pouted, walking next to me.

“Aren’t you dating Dixie?” I hissed at him “Shouldn’t you take her to prom?”

“I’ll break up with her if you want doll.” He smirked.

I pushed his shoulder “No! That poor girl!”

“She won’t care.”

“She loves you. And we’re late for class!” I pushed him into our Math classroom.

“I see Mr. Presley has a bad influence on you Miss L/N! You’re both late, take a seat.” Mr. Sanders said as we walked in together. 

Elvis sat down and grinned, pointing at the seat next to him.

“You wish.” I mouthed to him and went to sit next to my friend Rachel. 

Elvis and I weren’t friends by any means but he’s been one of my classmates since freshman year and we were both seniors now. I think his favorite pastime was annoying me because he’s been doing it ever since. 

“Your test scores! Some good, some very bad.” Mr. Sanders said as he started passing out our test papers. 

I smiled seeing the A+ on mine. I looked at Elvis when I saw him put head now down and slam it softly against the desk. I couldn’t help but feel bad for him, he probably got a bad grade. 

The bell rang, dismissing the students and the professor but Elvis stayed with his head on his desk.

“You coming?” Rachel asked.

“Yeah, you go ahead.” I replied.

I picked up my back, swinging it over my shoulder and walked towards Elvis.

“Hey.” I said softly, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He slowly lifted his head up and looked at me “I failed.”

I sighed and sat next to him, taking the paper from him and looking over at his answers. 

“Y/N, if I fail the final I’m not going to graduate.” He said and went to slam his forehead back on the table but I put my hand on the desk so that he wouldn’t hurt his head. 

“Why are you being nice to me?” He asked, lifting his head back up again.

“I’m always nice to you.” I lied, biting back a smile.

Elvis chuckled and shook his head at me.

“There’s that smile!” I poked his cheek.

His cheeks flushed, turning dark red when I poked him.

“I’ll tell you what, to show you how nice I am to you. I will help you prepare for the final and make sure you have enough points to graduate.” 

His eyes softened as he looked at me “You’ll do that for me?” 

I shrugged “If you stay sad about your grades then who’s gonna annoy me every day?” 

He grinned “I knew you loved it!”

I laughed and got out of my seat “You wish Presley!”

“My place?” He asked. 

“Sure. Give me your address.” 

“Now I can tell everyone I’m taking Y/N home.” He winked. 

“You know what, you can forget it.” I replied, starting to walk away when he grabbed my hand.

“Wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry.” He laughs, squeezing my hand. 

I felt electricity shoot up my hand from him grabbing me and we both let go as if it just zapped us. 

I cleared my throat “I’ll see you after school.” I mumbled and left. 

I didn’t dislike Elvis, I actually thought he was cute and had a really nice voice but we were constantly annoying each other and trying to top one another. He had changed so much, he used to be so shy. He still is but not with me, he’s definitely outspoken when he’s with me. Always asking me out on dates or leaning in to kiss my cheeks just for a laugh. I swear I wanted to strangle him sometimes. 

Later that evening I took my father’s car and headed for Elvis’ place. I knocked on the door and waited.

“I got it!” I heard Elvis yell, followed by loud footsteps of someone running “Hey.” He grinned once he opened the door. 

I smiled “Ready to have the worst tutor you’ve ever had?” 

He laughed, opening the door wider for me to walk in “Definitely the prettiest tutor I’ve ever had.” He smirked leaning against the door frame.

“Shut up Presley.” I shoved his shoulder, biting back a smile. 

As I walked in Elvis’ mom walked out of the kitchen and smiled once she saw me.

“Hi, you must be Y/N! Elvis talks about you all the time!” She said and pulled me in for a hug.

“Mom.” Elvis grumbled.

I laughed and hugged her back “I bet its all bad things.”

“Thank you for helping my son out, that’s very kind of you.” She said once she pulled away from the hug. 

“I’ll make sure he’s right next to me at graduation.” I smiled. 

“Okay, come on. Let’s go to my room.” Elvis said, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards his room. There’s that electricity again, it felt so weird but I pretended like I didn’t feel anything.

“It was nice meeting you Mrs. Presley.” I said, as Elvis pulled me with him.

“Call me Gladys, honey.” She smiled and walked back to the kitchen. 

“Can we make out now?” Elvis asked, once he shut his bedroom door.

I grinned, wanting to mess with him. I walked towards him and placed a hand on his chest “I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

“What?” He asked, looking at me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. 

“In your dreams Presley. Now, where’s your Math book?” I said, leaning back from him. 

He pouted and pulled out his book from his backpack. We sat on the floor and I pulled out his midterms to see his weak points. 

We worked on solving some problems for the next two hours, Gladys coming in to bring us snacks and drinks every once in a while. 

“Okay, last question for today. Very important because you didn’t get any points on it on the midterm.”

“Finally.” Elvis replied.

“What? Are you not having fun hanging out with me Presley?” I teased. 

“Oh I’ve imagined you in my bedroom a thousand times but not like this.” He replied.

“How do you imagine me in your bedroom?” I raised my eyebrow.

He grinned and crawled over to me “I imagine you naked, under me.” He whispered, his face so close to mine. His hands on either side of my body. 

I leaned forward and whispered in his ear, his scent hitting me hard. He smelt so good and manly “Do you imagine me instead of Dixie?” 

Elvis grunted, releasing a breath. 

“Now can we go back to this so that I can go home?” I said, pushing him away from me.

Elvis cleared his throat and went back to siting next to me while I explained the last problem.

I explained the problem and asked him if he got it, without looking up at him.

I turned to look at him to see him staring at me intently with his mouth slightly open.

“Presley.” I said.

He nodded.

“Hey.” I said and waved a hand in front of his face.

“Huh?” He asked, blinking and refocusing.

“Did you get it?”

“Uh, no. Can you repeat it?” He asked.

“Yeah, pay attention.” 

Elvis and I spent the next couple of months with the same routine. I would come over twice a week and tutor him. He stopped flirting as much and we had actually started becoming friends, I enjoyed hanging out with him but I think I started developing a crush on him. However, I would never do anything to pursue because he had a girlfriend and it was unfair to Dixie. Even my best friend Rachel started teasing me about my newfound friendship with Elvis saying that I never hated him and never found him annoying. She said we’re meant to be and it’s going to happen eventually. I told her she was insane and nothing could ever happen between Elvis and me. Obviously I didn’t tell her about my crush but I know Elvis does not look at me like that. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to prom with me? You know I’m a good dancer.” Elvis said leaning next to my locker. 

“Oh I’ve seen how you dance.” I replied, taking my books out of my locker. 

“So you agree?!”

“Yeah, I’m not blind.” I smirked, looking at him. 

“Does it make you want to throw your drenched panties at me?” He smirked, leaning closer to me. 

“I don’t even dare to wear panties to your performances because they’re ruined the moment I see you.” I replied, batting my eyelashes. 

Elvis squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back, grunting “Fuck doll, don’t say things like that.” He rasped. 

I laughed, shutting my locker and walked away from him. 

“Seriously though, are you going with someone?” He asked, running up to catch up to me. 

“Yup.” I replied.

“Really?” He asked, sounding slightly upset.

I furrowed my brows and looked at him, why was he upset.

“Who’s the unlucky guy?” He asked. 

“I might go with my friend Rachel, if she doesn't find a date.” I replied, rolling my eyes. Rachel most probably was going with someone.

“Oh poor Y/N, can’t get a guy to take you to prom?” Elvis pouted, poking my cheek.

I frowned and smacked his hand away “I can get any guy, I just don’t want to.”

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah. You want me to prove it?” I asked him, stopping in the middle of the hallway. 

“No.” He frowned “You don’t need to prove it. I believe you.” 

“No, it’s fine.” I smiled at him “I can prove it.”

“Y/N. I believe you.” Elvis growled. 

I looked around and spotted one of Elvis’ friends Reiner. He was cute and I used to have a small crush on him. 

“Oh look, there’s cute Reiner.” I smirked, pointing at Reiner where he stood by his locker “Do you think he’d like to go to prom with me?”I smiled sweetly. 

“Y/N. I was kidding.” He said. 

“Hey Reiner!” I called out.

“Y/N. Stop.” Elvis said, scowling. He gripped my arm when I went to walk to Reiner. 

I shrugged his hand off and walked towards Reiner. 

“Hey Y/N.” Reiner smiled “What’s going on?”

“Are you going with anyone to prom?” I asked. Praying he didn’t already have a date because it would be so embarrassing to have to face Elvis after that. 

“Uh no.” He smiled, scratching the back of his neck.

“Do you want to go with me?” 

“Um.” Reiner hesitated, looking back at Elvis “He’s gonna kill me.” He muttered more to himself which made me frown.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing! I would love to be your date!” Reiner grinned. 

I looked back at Elvis and grinned. Elvis clenched his jaw and stormed off. 

I had to let Rachel know that I was going with Reiner which she was so excited about because she knew about my previous crush on him, she wasn’t upset whatsoever especially since a guy from our grade ended up asking her to prom. Reiner and I matched our prom outfits with one another. I wore an emerald green poofy dress that reached right above my ankle while Reiner wore a black tuxedo with the same shade of green tie. 

“Hey.” I smiled at Reiner when he came to pick me up.

“Wow. You look amazing, Y/N.” He smiled. 

“Thank you. You look good!” I opened the door wider for him “Come in, we’ll take some pictures and head out.” 

Dad ended up giving him a shake down to make sure no shenanigans were going to happen which he had nothing to worry about, I wasn’t about to lose my virginity to a guy I barely know. 

We walked in and right away I spotted Elvis with Dixie, he looked so handsome. He wore a pink suit and it was really cute. For some reason, him wearing pink made him way more attractive to me. I know if any other guy would’ve done that, they wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I felt guilt and jealousy creep onto my chest once I saw him dancing with Dixie. I shouldn’t have flirted with him when I knew he was with someone else. I felt like a horrible person because I knew if someone did that with my boyfriend I would be furious. Technically, flirting was considered cheating. 

Elvis and I made eye contact and quickly looked away from each other.

“Let’s dance?” Reiner asked, stretching his hand out to me. 

“Yeah.” I breathed and forced a smile on my face. 

Here I am, dancing with a sweet guy but my thoughts kept drifting back to the devil with ocean blue eyes. 

Elvis and I avoided each other the entire night, choosing to only hang out with Rachel and her date. Reiner would also go to his friends and come back to us. Just as Reiner walked off to go to the bathroom, a slow song started playing. 

“Can I dance with you doll?” I heard Elvis’ voice float from behind me.

I turned and smiled “Sure.” 

He smiled back and wrapped his arms around my waist while I wrapped my arms around his neck. I loved the feel of his strong arms around my waist.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked him after a little while. 

“No.” He sighed. 

“You look beautiful by the way.” He said, looking sincere “The most beautiful girl actually.” 

I smiled slightly, looking into his blue eyes which made my heart race. I couldn’t help but glance down at his pouty lips. 

“Elvis.” I sighed “We can’t flirt with one another, even though its all jokes.”

Elvis frowned “Who said its jokes?”

“Look, it’s not fair for Dixie.” 

“Dixie and I broke up.” He sighed.

“What?” I looked at him with wide eyes “Just now?” My heart sped up in excitement.

“Yeah.”

“Why?” I asked “I mean sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“She’s not the one I want. I want someone else.” He replied, his arms tightening slightly around my waist.

His words felt like a punch to the gut and my heart hurt with the thought of him pining over another girl.

“Can I cut in?” Reiner said, coming into view.

“No.” Elvis replied.

“Dude, she’s my date.” Reiner replied. 

“So?” Elvis scoffed, his hands still around my waist “You asked a question, I answered.”

“The question was directed to Y/N. Not you.” Reiner growled. 

“Presley. It’s okay.” I smiled softly at him and whispered to him, making sure Reiner couldn’t hear “Go look for that girl you want and dance with her.”

Elvis gulped and reluctantly let go of my waist. I saw sadness and hurt flash in his eyes. Was the girl he wanted with someone else? 

Elvis walked away with his head down as Reiner took his place. I kept my eyes on Elvis as he walked to drinks table and sipped on a cup of punch. Slowly Reiner leaned in to kiss me. I leaned back and cleared my throat “Um, I’m sorry Reiner. I-I have to go.” I said when saw Elvis walk out of the gym. 

I ran after Elvis but when I reached the parking lot, he was already gone. I sighed and went to a payphone calling home for my dad to come pick me up. 

We had a few weeks before our maths final and Elvis was kind of avoiding me. He would leave class early and show up late so I didn’t have the chance to see him. 

I instead went to his house and knocked on the door. 

Gladys opened the door and smiled warmly when she saw me.

“Hi Gladys.” I smiled “Is Elvis here?” 

“Yeah, come on in.”

“Elvis! Y/N, is here!” She called out while I waited in the living room for him.

“Hey.” He said, walking out of his room “What are you doing here?” 

“To study?”

He shook his head “Don’t worry about it. You don’t need to tutor me anymore.”

“But we only have a few weeks left.” I frowned. 

“It’s okay, you’re off the hook Y/N.” He said and started to walk away.

“Hey!” I said and grabbed his hand “Come on. You can do it, I believe in you Elvis.”

He turned and looked at me with a shocked expression “What?”

“What?” I asked him, confused.

“You called me Elvis.” He smiled softly, his demeanor changing.

“Would you prefer if I called you Presley?” I asked.

“No.” He shook his head “I like hearing my name on your tongue.” 

I chuckled and shook my head at him “Can we go study now, Elvis?”

“Fine.” Elvis rolled his eyes with a smile on his face. 

The day before the exam, we ended up pulling an all nighter. I was on his bed while he was siting on the floor.

“Okay, I’ll give you 30 minutes to complete the practice test.” I said, he nodded and started solving. I was lying down on his bed and closed my eyes just to rest my eyes because I was exhausted. I ended up falling asleep while Elvis solved the math problems. 

I yawned, my eyes fluttering open. I frowned, my eyes roaming around to see where I was. Then I spotted Elvis asleep next to me, his arm over my waist, cuddling into my back. 

“What the hell!” I exclaimed and slapped his arm, getting up and off the bed. 

“Ouch!” He mumbled, slowly opening his eyes.

“What the hell are you doing Elvis!” I said and checked the time, it was 3AM. My parents are so going to kill me but I told them I might pull an all nighter to study and that they shouldn’t worry because both Gladys and Vernon were home. 

“You were on the floor solving the practice questions!” 

Elvis sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes “Yeah and when I was done you were asleep, you looked too peaceful and cute. I didn't dare to wake you up.” Elvis shrugged. 

“Okay, how did you end up on the bed next to me?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

“I was cold.” He shrugged, smiling sheepishly. 

I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the floor “I’ll check your answers and then I’ll leave if its good. I think we studied enough.”

“Are you ready?” I asked him as we stood outside of the classroom right before going in to take our maths final.

“No.” He said, slightly shaking.

“Hey.” I said and held both of his hands. He looked at our hands and looked back up at me, his eyes slightly glazed with nerves “You got this! I believe in you and you did so well on the practice questions.” 

“Really?” He asked, squeezing my hands. 

“Yeah. Come on, let’s go in.” I said. 

He gripped my hands tighter when I went to pull my hands “Will we still be friends after this?”

“Huh?” 

“I mean now that you don’t have to tutor me. Will I still see you?” He asked.

“Of course Elvis. I hope you consider me as your friend, because I certainly do.” I smiled at him.

“Okay good.” He smiled back “Let’s go in.” 

Elvis and I compared answers after the final and I think he did well if I did well because we had the same answers. We got our grades later that week. As we were leaving the class, the professor handed us our grades.

“What did you get?” I asked Elvis, waiting for him on the side of the hallway.

“I got an A! I’m graduating!” He grinned and pulled me into a hug.

I laughed and hugged him back while he twirled me around.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” He smiled softly, placing me on the floor but keeping his hands around my waist. 

I smiled and rubbed my hands up his arms “I’m so proud of you Elvis.”

“Go out with me.” He blurted. 

“I don’t know if you’re kidding or not.” I replied, talking slowly.

“I’m not.” He replied, tightening his arms around my waist “Please go out with me. I’ve been in love with you the moment I saw you, freshman year.”

I looked at him with wide eyes, my mouth gaping open.

“No girl had ever come close to making me feel what I feel when I see you, or when I touch you. I want to be around you all the time Y/N.” 

“Elvis-“ I started, feeling very overwhelmed with what he said. My heart was beating out of my chest. 

“Please.” He pleaded, his eyes filling with tears “Just one date.” 

I cupped his cheeks and smashed my lips onto his. He pulled me into him, closer while I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with the little hairs on the nape of his neck. 

“I might have just been pretending to be annoyed by you Elvis.” I whispered over his lips.

He grinned “I knew it.” He said and kissed me again. 

“Did you know that I have a crush on you?” I asked him once we pulled away.

“You had a crush on me?!” He looked at me bewildered. 

I laughed “God we’re idiots.” 

“Kiss me again. I don’t think I’ll ever get over your lips.” Elvis said and pulled me back into him.

“So you’ll go out with me?” He asked.

“No.” I smirked, kissing him while he laughed over my lips.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[iwadori]

Haikyu boys when they make you insecure PT 1 (Kenma,Kuroo)

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.

Word Count:3k 

genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Kenma:

You and Kenma have been in a long distance relationship for a while.

Both of you stream, Kenma doing it seriously for his job and you just playing it for fun,

Sometimes you stream together of course but because of your difference in audiences and games you don’t do it all the time

“Bye guys! Hope you enjoyed todays stream” You wave off to the camera and shut off your PC taking a few sips of water.

Kenma: Hey.. nice stream today Y/N are you going to watch mine?

Y/N: Of course I will 

Kenma: Ok talk to you later

Y/N: okayy <3

Kenma is what inspired you to stream, he also taught you all the ins and outs of streaming making sure you were set and ready. Your gaming style was very relaxed and friendly as you obviously weren’t streaming as a career just for fun and to make friends with your online viewers. The games you played were usually: minecraft, COD, Sims 4, Roblox, Animal crossing and *Insert your favourite game here* the way I literally named all the games I play 

You wait for Kenmas stream to start, kind of excited as you’ve always loved seeing your boyfriend in his ‘element’ when it comes to playing to games. As your boyfriends stream starts you see he’s already chosen what game he is playing today which is to your surprise Call of duty, since that was the game you were playing earlier.

As he gets into the stream you are entertained, as always since Kenma was being his usual self laughing at his own deadpan jokes and interacting with his viewers. He is currently waiting for his capture the flag game to start so as he waits he decides to read some comments in the chat.

You’re used to the usual ‘Kenma where is Y/N I miss your usual streams together’ or ‘kenma please RAIL me’ which always makes you laugh. You were also used to the common hate comments Kenma and You both got on your streams but you were definitely not ready for this..

@ Ihatewomanandiamadick : Hey Kenma did you see your girls stream today she is so dog shit at COD lmaoooo jhdfkjdrhdrr

“Well hello ihatewomenandiamadick” started Kenma “but yes I did see Y/N stream and obviously she is not the best at games and I would definitely NOT ask her to team with me for any serious gaming competitions ... but she’s fun to watch I guess” as he finished speaking about you his game loaded up so he focused his attention on that the words he just spoke going to the back of his mind as they end up at the forefront of yours.

You obviously knew you were no match for Kenma’s gaming expertise but you didn’t expect him to publicly agree with a hate comment let alone add more of his imput on you. Did he really think that about you? ‘She’s fun to watch I guess’ did he not even enjoy your streams that much?

You wanted to distract yourself, and you definitely couldn’t do that watching him so you close off of his stream and get in your bed deciding to watch your favourite show. 

Waking up at 6pm after your sad nap, you see that Kenma has left some messages to you,

Kenma: hey did you watch my stream?

Kenma: do you want to facetime later and play some minecraft..?

Kenma: y/n r u ok??

Y/N: oh hey cnt play minecraft w you rn not really in the mood..

Kenma: oh ok..

Time passed since then a month to be exact and you basically dropped off of the face of the earth, you weren’t in the mood to do anything let alone game and stream, which was a constant reminder of your boyfriend (something you didn’t want at the time.) 

You felt embarrassed over all the things he said about you and all the things you now think he thinks about you and the way you play. Maybe he thinks even worse things about you, beyond just how you game? What if he doesn’t even genuinely like you...or he has someone else...it does make sense, you do both live miles and miles away from eachother AND he’s a big streamer you see the amount of girls in his comments.

You shake your head to erase your protruding thoughts coming in your mind, but it doesn’t really help. You and Kenma haven’t spoken much over this month he tried to constantly reach out to you at first but you assume he got bored over your constant, repetitive dry texts. So you were almost content with you and Kenma not even being in a relationship anymore.

However on Kenma’s side, he was beyond worried about you. Since you haven’t been streaming or barely responded to his texts he thought something happened to you, but he didn’t want to be seen as ‘overstepping boundaries’ if there was nothing wrong at all with you and you simply were just ‘not in the mood.’ 

So here he is, in Kuroo’s apartment trying to get him to help him out on finding out what is wrong with you.

“So kenma can you remember what happened the day when Y/N went ‘ghost’“ asked Kuroo in a mock detective voice

“Y/N didn’t go ‘ghost’ Kuro, and take this seriously” said Kenma “I’m worried bout her”

“Okay fine, but for real what’s the last thing you remember before she started acting all weird.” 

“Umm I think it was around a month ago I did my saturday stream and I think she was on it but she didn’t leave her usual nice comments throughout”

“Ohh that was the stream when you sai-” Kuroo said before pausing his words as the memory of what Kenma said about you on his stream came in his mind, as even Kuroo thought it was a tad bit harsh for Kenma to say all those things “I think I know why Y/N has been so distant kiddo”

“What why?” Asked Kenma

Kuroo pulls out his phone and brings up the clip off what Kenma said and Kenma’s face cringes ‘did he really say all those things about you’ he thinks. 

“Shit.. I didn’t know I said all of that” he said quietly “how do I make it up to her?”

“There’s only one thing you can really do Kenma” said kuroo

You are woken up out of your sleep by a knock on the door. Getting out your bed like a zombie, you trudge to your front door only surprised by what you see. There in his 5′6 glory stood your ‘boyfriend’ Kenma with a controller and a kitten teddy in his hand. You were very tempted to shut the door in his face and get back to your dreamless sleep but you waited on him to speak.

“Hi Y/N” he said quietly “wanna play some minecraft...?”

“Why so you can ridicule me on how shit I am?” You ask bitterly ready to shut the door on him

“No! No not all” he said stopping you from shutting the door entering your place “Y/N i’m really sorry on what I said, I wasn’t thinking AT ALL... I love watching your streams and I think you’re great at playing games...I was just being a dick,”

You take a deep breath before tears pool in your eyes “what you said really hurt me kenma..” you say “ I know people say shitty things on the internet all the time... it’s the internet. But I wasn’t expecting you to agree with the hater and say even more shitty things on top of that.. I don’t think I want to even stream anymore”

Upon hearing that, Kenma’s mouth parts open with shock ‘you dont want to stream anymore’ were his comments that bad? Now he feel even worse as he should and is now more determined to make things right. 

He impulsively drags your arm into your game room, catching your surprise ‘what is he up too?’ you think. He stops for a second seeing your usual pristine gaming set up, collected up with dust. 

“What are you do-” you start 

“Just wait!” He says, as he rushes away turning on all your stuff and logging onto his twitch account as he sees the views go up he starts to speak

 “Hi guys, its me kodzuken and today I’m here on stream with my beautiful girlfriend and today I want to say..” he turns to you “Y/N im so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day... I was just being a dick and I’m sorry I really am.”

You look at the chat and you see some confusion and some people recalling his words from last month. “It’s fine Kenma, I forgive you” you say giving him a hug”

“Okay Y/N, so what do you say... wanna beat my ass at bed wars?” He says with a smirk 

“When have I ever loss?” you return his smirk

Of course you did beat his ass as bed wars for rounds on rounds never losing proving yourself to actually be a good gamer girl. You enjoyed your time with Kenma, forgetting what he said before about you and moving on. 

Eventually, you guys moved in together and streamed together all the time and yes you still do play for fun but you’ve gotten way better at COD (some may say better then Kenma) but who is better didn’t matter to any of you, as long as you got to play together that’s all you both cared about.

Kuroo:

Kuroo and you have been together since you were in your first year of high school 

You met as friends first when you got him to tutor you in chemistry ( a subject you still aren’t that good at.)

Now you have your upcoming entrance exams for university in a month so your school has you doing mock exams in preparation for them.

20%

You look down at your chemistry paper that your teacher just handed you. 20%. You’re surprised, very surprised since out of all your subjects (that you go 90+% on) you studied on the chemistry test the hardest ensuring Testurou, that you didn’t need his help at all. But I guess it turns out, you did.

This failing mock grade put a blunder on your day, you didn’t interact with anyone and didn’t want to see your boyfriend so you skipped your usual routine of meeting him on the rooftop and went to the library instead ‘might aswell start early on your studying’ you thought.

As you were going over your chemistry topics, you hear an ‘ahem’ next to you and you turn your head only to find your boyfriend and his friends next to you. Kuroo with his usual goofy smile on his face. 

“Hey kitten where were you at lunch?” he asked 

“Needed to go to the library, Chemistry is kicking my ass” you mumbled 

“Oya” he said as he noticed your chemistry test laying under your textbook “20%, well damn Y/N I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid” he laughed doing his stupid usual hyena-like laugh.

Ouch well that hurt. You slightly flinched at his words, “Really your name, you didn’t know the molecular formula for ethanol, that’s first year work” he said continuing to laugh “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the first things I tutored you on when we first met” 

His overbearing laughter was not good for you, you were already having a bad day and yes you do know your not that good at chemistry but you didn’t need your chemistry-enthusiast boyfriend to make fun of you for failing. Kenma and Yaku stood there awkwardly obviously aware of how bad Kuroo is making you feel but they didn’t really know how to stop his friend in the moment.Whilst he’s still dying of laughter you decide to pack up your stuff and leave the library.

You managed to get your Chemistry tutor to let you retake your mock paper in a week so that means, extra hard studying with no distractions you definitely can’t fail again. Since studying on your own was definitely not a good option, and you couldn’t go to Kuroo (especially after he ridiculed you) you decided to ask the second smartest person you know to tutor you.

Y/N: Hey Yaku! Can I ask you a favour?

Yaku: Hi Y/N what do you need??

Y/N: I have my chemistry retake next week, and as you know from your loud-loud friend I failed my recent test so can you tutor me?? 

Y/N: Pleaseeee

Yaku: Ok Y/N why can’t you ask Kuroo you know that he’d be more than happy to help

Y/N: Yakuu pleasee just help me out 

So there you was, nearly a week done with your study sessions with Yaku and you’re feeling way more confident than before. 

“Y/N what is the functional group of a Carboxylic Acid” Yaku asked

“umm... COO?” 

“Great! that’s correct Y/N” he praises i dont actually know if it’s correct or not

You then hear a knock at Yaku’s front door and hear his mum let the person in, Kuroo then enters Yaku’s bedroom with shock plastered on his face surprised to see you here.

“Y/N...hey?” he says confused “what are you doing here?”

“Oh Mori-chan is just helping me with chemistry for my retake tommorow” you say nochalantly internally smiling at the twinge in Kuroo’s face at the purposeful use of Yaku’s first name.

“So why didn’t you ask me to help you know I’m a chemistry whiz” he asks

“Maybe I’m too stupid to be taught under your tutelage” you mumble “since I seem to forget whatever you teach me, even when it’s 3 years ago... but ok”

“Y/N I-” he starts 

“Oh save it Kuroo, I have studying to do” you say cutting him off

“But I-” he tries

“So Mori-chan COOH is the function group of ethyl ethonate right?” you ask ignoring your boyfriend who is now at a lost for words

“ummm yeah it is” says yaku who is clearly feeling heavily awkward at the tension in his bedroom.

Kuroo leaves and you and yaku finish off the studying for the night, you did feel a little bad for being a bit mean to Kuroo but it’s karma for him being a dick to you. 

You wake up the next day ready for your exam which was first thing in the morning, before you hand in your phone you see a message from Kuroo,

Kuroo: I know you’re still mad at me, but I think you’re going to do so well on this test. You’re not stupid at all, you’re really smart and I love you < 3 

Kuroo: Good luck Y/N

You don’t respond to the message but smile at the sincerity of it and thankful for the boost of confidence it gave you before you start your exam.

Finishing the exam with a smile, you were confident you did well as everything you and Yaku went over was on the paper and you’re almost certain you atleast got more than 75%. You have to wait an hour before your teacher can give you your results, so in the meantime you might aswell reconcile with Kuroo.

When you exit the classroom, standing there was Kuroo who seemed to have been waiting for you for the whole duration of the exam.

“So how was it?” Kuroo asked, apprenhensive as he assumed you would just ignore him like you did at Yaku’s house.

“It was fine, I think it went alright..” you say

“Kuroo”

“Y/N”

You say simultaneously, he pauses for a second to let you speak “I’m sorry I was being so stand offish when we were at Yaku’s I just wanted you to see I could do it on my own, and when you called me stupid I really took that to heart since you and I both know that Chemistry wasn’t ever my best subject” 

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and since it was only a practice test I didn’t think you’d take it to heart but I am sorry I know you aren’t stupid.”

Before you got to say anything else, your Chemistry teacher exited the room with your chemistry paper in hand. Kuroo grabbed your hand anticipating your nerves and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Miss L/N” said your teacher “Well done on your chemistry test” he turned your test around to sure a perfect 100%. Both you and Kuroo gasped, you were elated to say the least you wanted to jump up and down in excitement but a PERFECT 100%.

“I’d also like to add that you have now got the top chemistry score in the school beating the previous title holder Kuroo Testurou” said your teacher, this made Kuroo open his mouth even wider in surprise nearly making you giggle at his response. 

Your teacher took his leave, leaving you and Kuroo in the hallway “ I guess i’m the chemistry whizz now “ you say wiggling your eyebrows just as Kuroo did to you before at Yaku’s this made him chuckle as he came to put his arm around you.

“Y/N don’t get ahead of yourself now, you may have won this battle but I will win the war” he said smiling

In the final exam, you continue your winning streak also getting a near 100% and still beating Kuroo which didn’t matter to either of you, now you’re just like him cracking chemistry puns and jokes all the time which none of your friends appreciated but atleast Kuroo found them SODIUM funny.

AN: Please kill me for the last line of Kuroos, I didn’t really like Kuroo’s since it was a bit self indulgent with my hate for chemistry but what do you guys think?

[fibrowarriorgirl]

Autistic women aren't as rare as you think

Did you know that women are a lot less likely to be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder? And no, this isn't necessarily because autism in women is just a lot less common. It's because autism in women usually presents itself very differently than autism in men. Autistic women often get misdiagnosed with anxiety disorders and/or Borderline Personality Disorder. And to be fair, anxiety disorders, BPD and ASD all have quite a lot of similarities.

The damage of being diagnosed with ASD later in life is bigger than you might think. I know this too well. For as long as I can remember, I have felt different in comparison to my peers. I could never put my finger on it, but something about me felt different. Not even just different, no, I felt wrong. There had to be something wrong with me.

I remember a conversation I once had with my mum, although I doubt she remembers this. I think I was about 9 or 10 years old. She had just picked me up from school and we were sitting in the car, when I said to her "I'm special, aren't I?" My mum of course responded by saying how special I was because of how kind and funny and smart I was, because my mum has always been my biggest fan. And I remember I quickly stopped her and said "no not like that, I'm weird."

Weird. It's something I've been called a lot in my life. Most times, it was told jokingly by my friends and family. Other times I was being called weird by bullies or by teachers who should've never started working with children in the first place. I've always known I was weird. So when my friends called me weird for taking something a bit too literally, I honestly didn't mind. As a child I liked being weird. Being weird meant I was being true to myself. As I got older, I noticed that being weird wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Before I knew it, people thinking I was weird became a subconscious fear of mine. Being weird meant I was myself, yes. But it also meant I didn't belong. Being weird confirmed that I was different, special. That I was wrong.

I was about 9 years old when autism was first suspected. I was making repetitive movements all day long. The movements looked a lot like stimming, something that a lot of autistics do. I don't really remember the test they did. All I remember was that I really liked my psychologist, Sarah. We were always in a room with lots of toys. I remember that my mum once explained to me what autism was, and why they thought I might be autistic. She said "autistic people don't see the big picture, they see a bunch of small things." As an example, she said that autistic people don't see a house, they see windows, a door, walls, etc. I told her I wasn't autistic, because I always see a house. In hindsight, it is pretty ironic to see how literally I took that explanation. Taking things 'too' literally, another sign of autism.

A few weeks after that, Sarah told me that she didn't know if I was autistic or not. In her words, 50% of me was autistic and 50% of me wasn't. They ended up not diagnosing me, and referred me to a hospital to see if it wasn't actually epilepsy.

No, I don't have epilepsy. We later found out I have something called Stereotypic Movement Disorder. Which I will elaborate on in a later post.

For years to come, that would be the closest I'd ever come to an ASD diagnosis. I was also tested for ADHD a few times as a teenager, but to no avail. As I grew older, the feeling of not belonging grew stronger. I was always wondering why I felt like such an outsider, maybe it was just all in my head? I was diagnosed with generalised and social anxiety when I was 16, which I thought could explain the feeling of being an outsider. But if that feeling was caused by anxiety, why did I have that feeling all my life?

When I was about 19 years old, I started suspecting I might be autistic after all. I asked my mum what the reasoning was of my psychologist all those years ago to not diagnose me. Apparently, I met all the diagnostic criteria. But because I had empathy and a lot of fantasy, I was not diagnosed. Since then, I have been fighting for an official diagnosis. I wanted to see on paper that I was diagnosed with ASD.

This was insanely hard to do. I tried talking about it to my psychologist, who dismissed me by saying I didn't need another diagnosis. Whenever I tried to tell someone about my struggle with getting diagnosed, I'd often hear "but you don't seem autistic". I'd get asked why I thought I could be autistic. I'd give my reasons and as a response I'd hear "well you might be on the autism spectrum but not enough to be considered autistic."

I was begging people to do a diagnostic test. I needed to prove that I was right about this, and how much it would help me. Even if we did the testing and it turned out I wasn't autistic at all, I could at least let that idea go and go on with my life. It was so frustrating that nobody believed me. My mum and my partner were the only people who actually believed I was autistic when I told them my reasoning.

And then, an angel in the form of a psychiatrist turned up. After only a few minutes of telling her about myself, she asked me if I was ever diagnosed with ASD. This resulted in enthusiastic rambling on my part. I told her everything, how I felt out of place, how I was almost diagnosed, about the repetitive movements, etc. She is the one who ended up setting up a diagnostic exam for me. And this year in August, I was finally officially diagnosed with ASD. The psychologist who did the diagnostic test told me this was one of the most obvious cases of autism he had ever seen.

You have no idea how relieved I was to finally, FINALLY be diagnosed. That feeling of being different, being wrong. No, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm autistic, that's it. My psychologist, who kept dismissing my suspicions, later told me she didn't want to see if I was autistic because she thought I was looking down on myself. Never once have I seen being autistic as a bad thing. It's just who I am, that's it.

Now I live through life, knowing that I am autistic. That feeling of being out of place, something I've had all my life, is gone. I cannot even describe how liberating it is to have that burden to be lifted from my shoulders. A part of me is angry though. I have been begging for years for help with this. And time and time again, I was ignored or dismissed. Often just being told it was some type of anxiety. I also wish that my psychologist all those years ago didn't refuse to diagnose me. I met all the diagnostic criteria, that should've been enough. Imagine if I was told I was autistic when I was 9. What that meant for me, why I felt like I was different, that there was nothing wrong with me.

Please, believe women when they say they think they're autistic. You have no idea how much you'd be helping us.

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but maybe you have some insight.

I’m thinking about having kids in the next few years and I kind of want to just have them myself. My parents were so focused on each other and their relationship dramas that me and my sister were definitely not prioritised and when they eventually broke up when we were teenagers there was a real sense of “the family is over if we’re not all together” from my mum and she kind of checked out, we’re still close but she says she sees me as more of a friend than a daughter which I feel weird about. Anyway, I know I do want to have kids and I’m nearing 30 which I know isn’t old but I’m thinking ahead to the next 5 or so years. I want to have kids to be a mum, not to be a physical proof of my relationship with someone.

Basically do you think it’s possible to have kids by myself, everyone I speak to says that’s so sad and I just need to wait to find the right partner, and a lot of mums I know have said it’s not really possible/is hell without a partner. I can do it financially but people are saying I’m naïve to think I could cope emotionally.

Oh babe, I don’t know if you really want my answer. I don’t have the most rosy take on being a parent. But you asked for it, so…

I know this is going to get long, but I’m on mobile and so I apologize for not being able to put this under the cut.

If you don’t want ugly truths, don’t keep reading.

In my opinion, having a child and not having a partner is not “sad” and it’s not necessarily bad for the child. Plenty of people grow up with single parents and are just fine. I assume you’ll end up doing fertility treatments which can be difficult (physically and emotionally) and expensive (all in all, ours was probably about $35K 16 years ago and I was lucky enough to got pregnant after 2 IUIs and one IVF). Then it was almost $1000 a year to store the embryos we didn’t use (that maybe be based on location and quantity… I have no idea. But it surprised me how hard it was to give up the embryos even though I knew I didn’t want any more kids. It took me about 10 year to finally give them up).

I don’t think anyone has any idea just how hard and how expensive raising a child is until they do it. And if you have a child with special needs of any sort, you’ve just exponentially increased the difficulty and expense.

And I know everyone assumes their child will be healthy and “typical”, and I hope that’s the case for you. But things aren’t like they used to be. I’m not talking about just the difficulty of affording the typical — clothes and school and braces and a phone and little league and birthday parties etc. I swear nearly every parent I know has a child with some sort of disorder which means a need for special programs outside of school, a need for therapy, a need for tutors, special schools to accommodate their needs…

And I know if you don’t have kids you may be thinking I mean them being handicapped or not learning to read on time. But what I mean is things like having a child who has such severe anxiety and body dysmorphia that they have to go into residential treatment at 15 for more than $50K a month. Or a child who’s diagnosed with autism as a toddler and would not be able to communicate without one parent giving up their career and devoting every penny the family has to working with the child until they were able to successfully integrate into “regular school” (but that work never really ends because at every step there are new challenges). Or a child who is sexually assaulted by their cousin at 12 and deals with it by cutting, attempting suicide, and getting addicted to oxycodone by 13.

I didn’t just pull these stories out of the air. These are just three close friends of mine. And I could continue for pages and pages with other stories about the neurological testing to determine learning differences and the pain and uncertainty that comes with deciding to put your second grader on anxiety meds. Obviously I do have some friends with “typical” kids, but this is the kind of shit that happens to “nice” “normal” families who just thought it would be wonderful to be parents. And these moms all have partners… if they didn’t, I don’t know how they would have made it through.

And I haven’t even begun to talk about the emotional strain having kids puts on people. If you want to be an involved parent, and are the sort of person who’s aware of how their behaviors affect others (especially developing babies) that means having to deal with your own childhood trauma because parenting your child will very likely bring everything up for you. Even little things you didn’t remember or thought were no big deal. I could go on and on about the self-doubt and the resentment and the disappointment and the loneliness of being a new parent some people feel. Having to cope with that while also having to meet the needs of a small child (let alone multiple small children) can be overwhelming.

Oh, and don’t forget the absolute shit storm that that literally no one tells you about pregnancy and giving birth. From post partum psychosis (and almost dying) to loss of sex drive (for years) to changes in literally everything from hair, skin, allergies, loss of tolerance for foods you once ate with no problem… and yes, again, those are just a few stories from people I know. I was very lucky to have had an uncomplicated pregnancy (even with carrying twins), but I was also able to stop working at the time and do many things to take care of myself.

And I’m not getting into what having kids does to a marriage/partnership since you’re talking about doing it on your own, but I could write a dissertation on that, too.

So, I’m not saying all of this simply to be a Debbie Downer. And I really adore my children. They’re awesome people. But I think there is so much of a fantasy that’s created around the joys of pregnancy and parenthood that so many jump into it without really understanding even a fraction of what could result. Literally they only thing I thought about is that I would be tired in the beginning. 🥴🥴🥴 (meanwhile, my son didn’t sleep through the night for FIVE YEARS).

Yes, it can be done without a partner. But it also can be an extremely emotional, tiring, stressful, complex undertaking. Without having people around who are as invested in your child’s well being as you are, you may end up without your needs being met often enough (which isn’t good for anyone. Including your child). So, given what you said about your family, it sounds like you might not have family you feel comfortable helping raise your child while you work. Because, unless you’re independently wealthy, you will have to work and your child will have to be left with someone (if not family, then a nanny or daycare). And that’s another dissertation I could write because I’ve literally been through it all.

I know this isn’t what you were hoping for. But I wish someone had really been honest with me all those years ago. I could at least have prepared myself better.

Best of luck making your decisions. ❤️❤️❤️

[astaroth1357]

Brothers React to a Demigod MC 

So, I've gotten some interest to do a Brothers follow-up to a previous request of mine (Undateables React to a Cute, Badass MC), however, I've thus far refused to write one. Honestly, this HC actually plays on a trope I personally dislike and had it not been a request I would have never done it to start with. I just can't see any reasonable way a non-magic human can beat a bunch of demons, I just can't, and that hinders my imagination quite a bit. ���But someone who’s not so human? That I can get behind. Fair warning, I grew up with the Percy Jackson series so that’s going to paint quite a bit of how I see modern demigods. Ready for things to get super-ultra fanfic-y for a bit?

Intro:

The day to kidnap bring the exchange students to the Devildom has finally come and the demons have all gathered in the Council Room to open their portal to the human world. Really, things started without a hitch - the portal opened with and their future student dropped down out of it and landed on the floor… before they suddenly leapt up, pulled out a weapon, and lunged at them!

… This isn’t your normal human, it is?

Lucifer

Oh Devil, this couldn’t have been any farther than what they wanted… They were looking for a human and they managed to pull out a halfling! A divine halfling no less!! Why wasn’t this in their file?!

Look, Lucifer might not be on good terms with his father, but even he knows he had it better than any children of the pagan gods… The levels of petty vindictiveness that run through that bunch are literally the stuff of legends...

After he and Barbatos were able to restrain the MC before they hurt themselves or anyone else, Diavolo explained everything to them and gave them a pardon for attacking the Demon Prince on sight… After they identified themselves and their parentage, Lucifer knew they were in for some shit…

He and Diavolo had to iron out an apology letter to their godly parent for days just to keep from saying anything that could accidentally cause a second Troy or worse... It was a mess...

But on the bright side, the “human” came pre-prepared for fighting monsters and demons, which honestly took a bit of a load off his shoulders. That’s less responsibility for Mammon - and in his experience, the less responsibility Mammon has, the better things usually turn out.

… Though their ability to actually hold their own in a fight did make things complicated sometimes - like whenever he was their perceived opponent... 

He wasn’t expecting to have to manage a being that was actually capable of meeting him toe-to-toe on the battlefield and it did hinder his intimidation factor to some degree…It was hard to be threatening to someone who’s likely faced worse than you could ever offer.

In the end it probably worked out for the best, as a live exchange student is better for Diavolo than a dead one - but man did it get on his nerves until they made their pact together… Be scared of him, dammit!

Mammon

The first time he tried to threaten the human, they straight up pulled out a weapon and looked like they were ready to whip his ass!! Didn’t they know he wasn’t being serious?? 😫

He really didn’t know why he had to be on babysitting duty, anymore... This huma-er demigod could handle themselves just fine!

When he first ditched them with Levi, he later found out they managed to cleanly toss his brother over their head and make a break for it all by themselves! And Levi’s no pushover either!!

Later, he saw them getting ambushed on their way back from school and they soundly knocked out about five demons before he even caught up to them… and he’s, like, fast and stuff… 

Their strength is kind of unreal at times, but he could tell they were still far from a mindless killing machine. They were more or less a normal person, they had wants and dreams like anybody else, but they just happened to be a long stronger than the average mortals around them. 🤷‍♀️

After he eventually got to know them and a bit about how their life worked, he felt a little bad for them... Who wants to be hunted down just for being born?

After learning about their struggles, Mammon ended up resolving to help keep them safe (even if a part of him knew they didn’t need him that much).

I mean, if the whole world’s against you, then you can use all the help you can get... right?

Leviathan 

Levi found out exactly one thing about them within the first two minutes of meeting them… their reflexes were killer.

After Mammon ditched them on Day One, he tried to drag the human to his room to tell them his genius plan but they broke out of his grip and threw him flat on his back like was just second nature! 

He was stuck on the ground for a full minute, trying to process what just happened, while they ran off into the House all alone…

Did he just get tossed around… by a human?? Was he really that pathetic!?!

Finding out later that they were actually half-god certainly helped out his self-esteem because, man, if he had lost so easily to a human of all things... He might have just never left his room again…

Levi pretty much kept his distance from them until they finally made a pact together and then he discovered that the MC wasn’t so scary after all. If he’s being honest, being in the same house as a demigod was actually kind of cool...! 

Like, it was almost exactly the plot of the show: “Wait, I Thought I Was the Son of a Pagan God So What Am I Doing in a Christian Hell??” but their MC seemed to know a lot more about fighting than the protagonist of that show ever did…

Plus, because he never had to worry about their safety, he had even more excuse to never leave his room. Win-win!

Satan

A demigod, eh…? He had done plenty of research into human world mythologies in his spare time, frankly he thought the old gods had died out - but it seems they were still up and kicking… and making babies for whatever reason? Horny bastards...

Satan's original interest in the MC was purely academic. It’s not everyday that you get to meet someone of such a unique heritage and he fully intended to learn if all the legends about their greatness were true… and well...

He could say that the MC was certainly different than how he pictured humans being. He’d never met very many before, but from what he could gather they were a weak race that really got by on wit and persistence… However, nothing about the MC was weak.

Their aptitude for combat was surprisingly sharp, both in skill and reflexes. He had once blown up at them in anger and not only did they dodge his swipes but they got in a good few hits themselves with a nearby lamp… He never once thought a mortal could give him a black-eye but, somehow, they pulled it off. 🤷‍♀️

Combine their physical skill with what magical gifts were granted to them by their godly-half and they were a force to be reckoned with… Even Solomon seemed to hesitate and think more about his actions around them (which is saying something for a sorcerer of his strength).

It’d be fair to say a part of him grew to respect the MC long before they ever made their pact and that respect only grew afterwards. If he had to be bound to any master, human or otherwise, he’d rather it be one that he could right about consider an equal not only as a friend, but in strength as well.

Asmodeus 

A demigod…? Oooo, he hadn’t come across one of those since he bedded Aeneas all those centuries ago… Such a gorgeous man, got all his looks from his mother~! 🤭

Asmo was probably the most interested in their godly heritage, but it felt like he was treating them like a zoo exhibit for a while… Something pretty and new to look at, but not exactly someone he wanted to know personally...

He openly and readily admitted that watching their little demigod in action got him hot and bothered (or well, more hot and bothered than usual ) but it didn’t take him to see they weren’t interested at the time…

He decided that he just had to have a pact with them after they saved him from Henry 1.0! It was before he noticed the giant snake and he was lurching back to strike, but the human swept in to knock him out of the way. They probably could have made mince meat of the creature themselves if Levi weren’t begging for them to spare his former pet...

Post-pact Asmo treated them with a lot more respect… but also still fanboyed over their fighting skills hardcore. 

Like, their body had to be fit to keep up with all those monsters, right?? What was their training routine? Could he watch?? Oh please say he can watch!! He just can’t get enough of that fighter’s physique…! 😍

Beelzebub 

So… the human isn’t a human but only part human? And the other part is a god? Does that make them any sturdier than normal humans…? Call him curious…

Beel was probably one of the few brothers who was legitimately weary of the MC from the beginning… He can get a certain feel for a person pretty quickly and something about them just felt…frankly, kind of dangerous.

But they also intrigued him a little… Beel’s used to being one of the strongest demons in any room he walks into (not a boast, just a fact) so for him to get that feel from a mortal was pretty impressive. A part of him just wanted to test them… you know?

So. He did. He asked them to help him train his martial arts one day and even with his awareness, he was not expecting the results that he got.

The MC was strong. Very strong. They were not only able to keep up with him and dodge his blows, but they were able to predict his moves and counterattack in kind. They didn’t even need to tell him that they had actually been fighting for their life for years, he could tell. They had a skill you don’t get from practice matches...

After that point, the two would go to each other to train and keep their skills sharp… but also just to spar for fun. Their fighting styles made a pretty good match and they bonded pretty damn quick because of it. 

If anime tells us anything, when you find a good fight buddy, you stick with them. Even if one’s part god and the other is a demon. 🤷‍♀️ 

Belphegor 

A demigod is still human enough to hate, sorry MC. Not that he knew about their godly heritage at first…

Really, he should have been a little more suspicious of how easily they seemed to take to life in the Devildom... Weren’t demons supposed to scare humans? Why did they seem so comfortable down here...?

His confirmation only came when he tried to enact the final part of “Use the MC to Escape the Attic!” plan and take their life to seal the deal… but oh boy, was he outclassed real quick… 

The MC had already socked him in the jaw by the time he got his full demon form out and then they threw him across the room by the tail… the TAIL!! And it hurt like a bitch, too!! Even during the full blown fight that followed, he could tell they were holding back and it pissed him off something fierce...!

Why was the MC so strong?!? Humans weren’t supposed to be strong!!!

His brothers heard all the commotion and the Lilith confrontation ended up happening up in the attic between a somewhat beat-up Belphie and a barely-scratched MC. Had Beel not come to his defense on instinct, it might have turned out worse for him in all honesty… Something about that human just wasn’t right…

He only found out about their god-half after everything settled down and he promised not to try killing them again (not that anyone thought he could...) and that put some things into perspective. So the Lastborn Ruler of Hell isn’t as strong as one mortal demigod…? Ouch. Okay, fine then... Whatever...

He does think it’s too bad he missed them beating the crap out of the rest of his brothers, though (minus Beel)... That would have been fun to see. 😔

So I tried to keep this one God-parent neutral, but I’ve upgraded this to its own series! Check it out if you’re interested! 😊

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes

[yoongsisbae]

Handshakes of a Lifetime - Chapter 5

You snag exclusive fan meet tickets, but as you shake hands with your favorite idols, something strange happens…

BTS soulmate AU. OT7 x Reader / Yoongi x Reader focused in this chapter, slight Jungkook x Reader

Here we gooooo. I have a special place in my heart for Yoongs, I think this might be my favorite handshake yet. Enjoy the craziness!

Warnings: death, blood, guns, stabbing, fighting, bondage, drunk sex, rough sex Yoongi and y/n are just two kinky idiots in love, ANGST so much angst why, let me know if I need to add more I know it’s dark.

Word Count: 10.6k

“So you think if I touched her, it would happen to me too? Is that why-” Taehyung turns to a defeated Jin.

“I don’t know.” He can’t stop thinking about you, his body hurts, his chest hurts.

“I want to try, this is so unfair.” Taehyung whines.

Namjoon sighs, “Well…”

You hear a knocking at the door. Your legs felt numb. How long have you been sitting here? You were too lost in your thoughts, reliving moments that weren’t yours.

“Hello? Unlock the door.”

You know that voice. No way.

You’ve listened to his solo songs on repeat so many times, his deep voice and sharp tongue playing in your ears for hours at times.

For lack of better judgment, you decide to stay silent. You slowly unlock the stall door trying not to make a sound as you tiptoe to the door. You rest your ear against the wood hoping to hear something. You consider maybe it was just another delusion. There is just no way.

“We know you’re in there.” You flinch from the door, the idol’s voice is as clear as day.

“I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t mean to do what you think I did..I-I don’t even know what I-I just want to go home. Please...” You put your palm on the door, a superficial gesture you know won’t make a difference, much like a nod to a person over the phone, and rest your head on the door waiting for his response. There is a long silence.

The weary idol stands in front of the bathroom door. He should have let Namjoon handle it, he thinks, why did he volunteer? When security came to tell them you had locked yourself in the bathroom, it brought up old memories he didn’t like thinking about, it made him want to help you. So before anyone else could, he volunteered to get you. But now he felt inadequately prepared, he should have just let Namjoon handle it.

He gestures to the security to give him some space. He rests his head on the door and sighs, instead of reaching for the door handle he rests his hand above it.

“Can I please come in? Open the door, it will just be me, I promise.” The idol switches to Korean, hoping you understand him. “I just want to talk to you. And then you can leave.” Actually, he doesn’t know if it will be that easy, but at this point he would tell you anything to get you to open the door.

He hears the slow scrape of metal as the lock turns. He gives security one last look to stay back before opening the door. You shuffle back quickly as the door opens and in walks Min Yoongi of BTS.

Yoongi shuts the door and locks it again. You try to give him space, but he advances towards you. So you keep giving him space and he puts his hand up in surrender, like someone would when approaching a scared animal.

“Hello.” He greets you in English. This was a bad idea.

“H-Hello.” You both face each other awkwardly.

This was the last thing you’d ever expect to happen, standing alone in a bathroom with BTS’s Suga. You feel like you’re burning up, you wonder how you haven’t managed to pass out as the rapper watches you in silence.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I freaked out. I’ll just go home, I promise I won’t ever talk about what happened. I-I mean, I don’t know what happened, nothing-“

“It will be okay. Breath.” He speaks in English to you again. “Take a deep breath. Count to ten.”

You’re shaking again. He’s being so nice to you, it makes you want to cry even more.

“C’mon, count.”

You start counting in shaky Korean, glancing over at the rapper who tries to hide a smile at the way you recite the words like a school child taking a test, you finish and feel like laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation, your own lips curving upward as you begin to relax.

“Do you understand me when I speak Korean?” Yoongi says in Korean. You nod.

“Do you understand me when I speak in English?” The rapper nods back. “Most of it, yes,” he confesses.

You stand there awkwardly too scared to speak, gripping the sink counter to steady yourself, your reflections stare back at you in the bathroom mirror. The rapper looks perfect in his button down and styled hair, you on the other hand-

You laugh, “Oh god, I look horrible.” You turn on the sink and splash cold water on your face to get rid of your dried tears.

“No you don’t.” The rapper leans on the counter looking at you, grabbing a paper towel to hand to you. He is making it very hard for you to pretend he’s not there.

You watch him through the mirror’s reflection, “Thank you.” The words barely come out of your mouth. You turn around and lean on the counter beside him, making sure to keep your distance. ‘This is the weirdest night of my life,’ you can’t help but let out a small laugh.

The two of you stand there next to each other in silence for a painfully long time.

Finally, Yoongi lifts his hand palm side up and gives you a sideways glance. “I owe you, don’t I?”

You stare at his hand, study the silver rings around his fingers.

“...A handshake.”

“What?” You can only gawk at him.

“You paid all this money for handshakes from all members...”

That was not what you expected. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

You grip the counter tighter, “I don’t want to, really, it’s okay.”

“I insist.” You can hear the frustration in his voice.

“No...It’s okay. I won't hold it against you.”

Yoongi frowns, slowly lowering his hand, feeling stupid. How is he supposed to get you to touch him?

He chews on his bottom lip and sneaks a glance at you again. Against all his instincts, when he realized he had another chance to see you, he took it with no question. You scared him and yet he felt himself gravitating to you. Everything that transpired had given him so many questions, and you were the only answer. “Please, I want to know-I want to know if it’s true.” Yoongi pauses, “I just want to understand why I feel the way I do being around you.”

You realize just how close the rapper stands next to you, your shoulders almost touching, had he moved closer and you didn’t even realize it? Did you?

You glance over at him, he looks so vulnerable and lost, nothing like the intimidating idol who stood in front of you at the fanmeet. He seemed so untouchable, now he’s asking you to do just that. You want to give in, you think it’s the least you can do for him, and then he’ll realize his mistake and let you go home.

You brace yourself and push away from the counter behind you, turning to face the rapper.

“Okay, but you’ll probably regret it,” you whisper, extending your hand.

Yoongi goes to grab your hand but you move yours just out of reach before he has a chance to, “Don’t say I didn't warn you...” Yoongi nods to you. He grabs your hand.

“Can you let go of me already.” You whisper as Yoongi holds you in a death grip.

“Yeah, let’s just blow our entire cover.” Yoongi hisses. This was not how the mission was supposed to go. Yoongi doesn’t do field missions, his talents are long range. Away from people, especially you.

“And can you stop looking at me like that, you’re supposed to be acting like my wife,” he warns lowly in your ear, you think he’s going to dislocate a finger the way he’s squeezing your hand. Yeah right, like you would ever marry a man like Min Yoongi.

You’re annoyed. Annoyed at the man next to you, annoyed they required you to have a male partner at all, like you needed a babysitter to do your job. On top of it all, it had to be him.

The gala you walk into is being held for top diplomats and politicians from all over the world. You let Yoongi pull you through the crowds as you scan the room for your target, a corrupt delegate who has a swath of information that could be useful to the state. You pull on Yoongi’s arm to get his attention, “Your left, 9 o’clock.”

He pulls you closer before you can advance on the target, grabbing your chin to face him instead, to anyone else it would look like a romantic gesture, for you it’s just another tactic Yoongi uses to keep you leashed to him. “We should make sure there aren’t any threats first.”

You’ve never been a woman to accept the cages men tried to confine you to, you have claws and you know how to use them. You lean into Yoongi, you can feel his body stiffen as you press your chest against his. You place a kiss on his cheek, bringing his arms around you until he gives in and grips your body instead, “That’s your job isn’t it, let me do mine,” you give him your best smile, but your eyes show him your true emotions as you glare at him with hatred. And with that, you were able to slip away from Yoongi’s grasp.

You drop your suitcase onto the only bed in your small hotel room. You know you needed the sharp shooter to complete the mission, but why did you have to share a room with him too? And why do they keep assigning Yoongi to you? You’re a top agent, you could easily complete this mission with an amateur, anyone but the smug sniper who is making his way toward you now.

“We need to be on site at 23:00, so go do something while I sleep.” The agent starts unbuttoning his cuff, paying you little attention.

“So I’m not supposed to get any rest?” You cross your arms and frown at the jaded man in front of you, “What the hell am I supposed to do while you’re getting your beauty sleep?”

“Not my problem.” Yoongi is sleep deprived and more irritable than usual. “You slept on the plane ride here, I know because your snoring kept me up the entire flight.”

You feel your face go hot with anger and embarrassment. “Well, I’m not leaving. This is my room too!”

“Do what you want! I don’t care.” the sniper yells. He needs to sleep so he can keep you safe, he thinks, ‘ungrateful brat.’

He moves past you shoving his shoulder into yours. In your anger, you shove him back. He turns around glaring at you, then decides to shove you again, this time with his hands. Yoongi is stubborn, but you’re more stubborn, you push him again, and now you’re in a shoving match with your own partner.

“Will you stop!” he yells, pushing you so hard your back hits the hotel wall.

“You first!” The next time you push your hand into his shoulder Yoongi grabs your wrist and pulls you hand forward, slamming his chest into you and crushing you between his body and the wall.

He glares down at you, his eyes flicker down to your lips.

Why did he do that? ‘Ugh idiot,’ and now you're thinking about his lips, the thoughts make you glance down. ‘Fuck, why did I do that?’ He catches the movement of your eyes.

You stand trapped against his strong frame, you think about elbowing him away, sweeping his feet and knocking him out for daring to test you like this, but you needed him at the top of his game for tonight. You squirm in his grasp while he stares down at you with an unreadable expression.

Eventually, when you feel like the pounding of your pulse might give you a heart attack Yoongi removes himself from you and goes to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. You hear the shower start. ‘Why does it have to be him,’ you wonder, rubbing your temples with your fingers. You decide to go grab some food. There’s a pit in your stomach, it must be hunger you think.

---

You walk the perimeter of the house, leaving the man you coaxed into bringing you into his home asleep in his bed. The sleep sedatives you laced in his drink made sure he wouldn’t bother you while you search his mansion. You had to work quickly and quietly.

“Two guards, headed your way.” Yoongi’s voice comes through in your earpiece, letting you slip into an empty room undetected.

“Clear?”

“Clear.” Yoongi’s deep voice crackles in your ear.

You make your way down the third floor hallway until you reach a large door.

Yoongi watches you through heat sensor binoculars. “There are five guards behind that door, do not engage.”

“I guess I’m getting warmer then.” You remove the knife around your thigh. “Do you have a clear shot on any of them?”

The sniper sees three windows, two blocked almost entirely by a curtain, the last only slightly covered, the situation was not ideal. “Negative. You’ll have to push them to the far open window so I can get a better shot.”

You look at the large windows of the hall you stand in. “Do you have a clear shot on me?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

You smirk, “You ruin your perfect record? Doubt it.”

You knock on the door, ignoring Yoongi hissing in your ear, “So much for the element of surprise.”

“This is not the bathroom!” You stab the first guard in the neck. As he falls, clutching his throat and spluttering for air, you hug your body to the wall. When the next guard runs out you kick the pistol out of his hand. He fights against your advances, he’s strong and trained, but even then one can only take so many stabs to the body. The rest of the men advance on you, two drop, you see the bullet holes in their skulls.

“Thanks-” the last man lunges at you, putting you in a chokehold. He’s tall, he lifts you up and you lose your footing. You swing your knife, blade piercing his arms, but his hold on you stays. You kick in his grasp, your legs make contact with the wall and you both go down.

“I don’t have eyes on you. Get him in my sight!” You’d like to yell at Yoongi that that’s exactly what you were trying to do, but the guard’s hold on your windpipe makes it impossible. You aim your knife for his sides until his grip on you lessens. You roll off of him and start crawling, hoping he falls into your trap. He grabs your leg, you use the momentum to twist your body and kick him in the chest, before he falls on his back, he’s already dead. You can always count on Yoongi to never miss a headshot.

“Like I was saying, thanks.” Your voice is hoarse. Yoongi scoffs in your ear.

As you work to open the safe you’ve located, you hear Yoongi’s voice again, “Get out of there now! Twelve guards headed your way!”

“Just twelve?” You grab the dead mans’ guns and barricade yourself in the room. You pull every curtain you see down and fall to the floor just in time as gunfire fills the room.

Yoongi watches you take the men down one by one. You move in a chaotic dance around the room, there’s a preciseness to your movements, and also a wildness in your actions. You’re like a feral tiger, eating your targets alive. Yoongi’s impressed. The sniper lines up shot after shot, giving you as much cover as he can offer. He tries to keep your bloodshed to a minimum, you set up the pins, he knocks them down.

He is more than happy to deal the final blow. As he adds another tick to his total body count, he hopes you’ll be okay. Physically, he knows you’ll be fine, but mentally, he worries about you. Memories with you after similar missions still haunt him, the quiet anguish that fills you after every big bloodbath. It’s become a ritual to spend nights together after a mission, neither of you able to sleep soundly, you’d often wonder out loud to Yoongi if the dead men had wives or children, ask if it bothered him, ‘destroying families.’ It didn’t, if he’s being honest, they were horrible men and their families were probably better off without them in his eyes, but he knew it bothered you.

So, he doesn’t mind killing for you, it’s not because he cares about you, no, it’s just easier to get through missions that way. He would rather have everyone think you’re a tiger, Yoongi knows the truth.

Yoongi pulls you back, concealing your bodies from the advancing enemies. You look at him questionly. He places a finger to his mouth to keep you quiet. He signs with his hands, ‘two,’ ‘ahead,’ ‘you wait,’ ‘I’ll go around.’ You nod in agreement. You wait, straining your ears to hear signs of struggle. You hear footsteps running towards your direction. You grab the enemy and knock him out before he can make a sound. Yoongi is pulling you away, handing you a black bag you assume is full of data your agency so desperately wanted. You make a quiet getaway, grateful you can hide in the shadows and follow Yoongi to your escape: a boat that can get you to international waters. You stretch and watch the night sky as Yoongi starts the engine. “I didn’t die.” you hum.

“You say that like you’re disappointed.”

You snort, kicking the bag you and Yoongi risked your lives for. You turn to him, “Thank you, comrade, you saved my life.”

Yoongi shuffles uncomfortably, you’re being pleasant and it’s weird. “You’re welcome.”

“We make a good team, hmm?”

You sit on Yoongi’s workbench. In his space. The two of you work in silence as you put together the pieces of your handgun. He cleans the parts of his sniper rifle. He hands you the last piece of your weapon, it’s easier working here with him, his office is quiet. He doesn’t try to make small talk with you, you hate small talk. Your days are not “good.” You’re sick of using your body to lure in your targets, having to do things more than what you’re comfortable with on multiple occasions to complete the mission. But as a female agent, sometimes you think that’s all you're good for, and they would kill you if you tried to leave now. Escaping and living a quiet life without the man who sits next to you, not being able to protect him, you don’t want that either.

You hop off the table, Yoongi had also gotten up from his chair to grab more rags and you collide into each other. He grabs your waist to steady you. You bodies press against one another. You hold your breath. As his strong hands move you to the side, he mutters a sorry.

Yoongi is livid. He is slamming drawers and yanking open cabinet doors as you slowly make your way to sit onto the medical table. The safehouse is empty except for you and him.

“Are you insane or just stupid?” Your partner advances on you hastily, a medical kit in his hands.

You roll your eyes, “It’s just a scratch, I’m fine.” The blood seeping from your side and over your fingers betrays your words.

Yoongi yanks your hand away and grabs the tattered corners of your blood covered shirt and rips it. You try to stay stoic as you sit in front of him in only a bra while Yoongi works to clean and bandage your wound. His actions are so aggressive your body jerks back and forth from his movements. He pulls a bandage particularly tight and you yell, glaring at him. He glares back at you.

“You could have died.” Yoongi says softly. He keeps his eyes trained on your wound, adding the image to the list of reasons on why he doesn’t get close to people.

“And you would have died.”

His hands drop to the medical table as he cages you in. His dark eyes bore into yours, you hate how it makes you feel: vulnerable. “Don’t risk your life for me.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

---

“Tell me how much you want me.” Your partner’s low voice whispers in your ears. You think you’d rather die.

His fingernails scratch your scalp as he grabs a hold of your hair and yanks back, pulling you against his front. Your hip digs painfully into the dresser in front of you, as he pushes his body closer to yours. Your face feels tight, the pain burns your scalp, a reminder that you still can feel something. Everything in your life makes you feel numb, but Yoongi makes you feel alive. You hate how addicted you’ve become to his touches.

“If you don’t say it, you won’t get anything,” he tuts, tightening his hold on your hair and a moan escapes you. He pulls your head back and places soft kisses on the column of your neck.

Yoongi waits, his lips attached to your neck as he grinds his hard erection into your ass until you lose yourself to pleasure, unable to take his teasing any longer.

“I want you.”

“I can’t hear you.”

You grind your teeth, “You’re pushing it.”

Yoongi grabs your breast, “Tell me, kitty.” His rough hands on your body is exactly what you want, makes you drip with arousal, but you’ll never tell him that. Instead, you move your hands behind you and grab at his hard erection.

“I can’t seem to remember what I was going to say, do you?” You run your hand down his length and squeeze, his hold on your hair loosens ever so slightly as his breathing turns shallow.

He’s used to your stubborn nature by now, but this kind of fight is something you’ll never win. Yoongi grabs your wrist and holds your arm in place, twisting your arm in a lock and bending you over the dresser. You struggle against him, as he opens your legs wider with his own. “You know kitty, you’re not invincible. Always ready to start a fight. If you’re not careful, someone might decide to teach you a lesson.”

You can see him out of the corner of your eye. He normally looks so composed, but the way he stares down at you so hungrily, he looks wild, eyes blown wide by lust.

“And is that you?” you laugh, grunting as he pushes down on you, grabbing your other arm and locking it behind your back. The weight of him against your back increases, stealing air from your lungs. His low voice whispers teasingly in your ear, sending shivers down your spine, “Do you want it to be me?”

Yoongi stands, watching you struggle against his hold. He knows it would be easy for you to get away from him if you really tried, and the knowledge that you’re submitting to him in your own stubborn way makes his body hot and dick throb. He squeezes your thigh, his thumb rubbing against your center. You’re so wet, your underwear drenched in arousal. He bites back a moan, pressing against your sensitive bundle of nerves, rubbing deep circles into you and forcing a whine to escape your lips. He lifts up your skirt, yanking the wet fabric of your underwear down to your thighs. Then his touch becomes slow and teasing. He runs his fingers along your slit, drenching his digits in your essence and bringing them to his mouth. You taste so good, fuck he can’t get enough of you, Yoongi is going to wreck you.

You watch him licking his fingers, the erotic scene making you clench unsatisfyingly around nothing. “Please…” you whisper, the sight of him had broken down your walls.

Yoongi unzips his pants and pulls himself out. He takes no more time, plunging into your heat suddenly. You shudder, it feels so good to have him inside you. He finally lets go of you to grip the flesh of your hips, slamming into you over and over. The force of his thrusts takes your breath away, as your body shifts up and down against the hard surface of his dresser.

With every thrust you feel the tension in your body uncoil, you never want this to end, you’d rather drown in the pleasure he’s giving you then come up for air and deal with the pain of your life. “You feel so good-fuck me harder!” The words leave your lips without thought. You don’t want to feel anything else but his bruising touches, you don’t want to think of anything else but him.

Yoongi grips your shoulder with one hand, moving your body to meet his thrusts as his pace becomes brutal. Your entire body vibrates with pleasure as he manhandles you. You pulse around him as you let go. Yoongi goes faster, using your body to climax, you let yourself moan freely, losing yourself to the pain and pleasure of overstimulation. You can feel him filling you up as he shakes against you.

Your world comes back into focus as you gasp for breath, your body slumped against the desk. “Is that all you’ve got? Hardly a lesson.” Yoongi laughs, wrapping his arms around your middle. He lifts you up and throws you onto the bed. You land with a huff.

---

The silence is deafening as you lay across from your partner. The twin bed in the cheap motel room you share makes it impossible for either of you to have your own space. Neither of you can sleep, and you’re both too tired to complain about the situation, so you stare at each other in the darkness, the neon lights outside your window bathe your faces in soft hues of blue. The cheap sheets scratch your skin, you can feel the hard edges of your gun underneath the old thin hotel pillow, but the soft fabric of Yoongi’s long sleeve shirt feels nice against the back of your hand. You absentmindedly brush your hand against his arm, your fingers play with the baggy material, rolling the fabric between your fingers. Yoongi places his free hand over yours to stop your actions. You’re too tired to question him, nor do you want to break the silence. Yoongi’s features are calm, his hardness is all gone tonight, when he relaxes you think he looks quite soft. Tonight Yoongi doesn’t look like a trained killer at all, his messy hair frames his face and his usual cold eyes radiate warmth. You study each other through half open eyes. Eventually, Yoongi closes his eyes, but doesn’t remove his hand from atop yours. “Go to sleep,” he grunts.

You take a deep breath out. You focus on Yoongi’s steady breathing, trying to keep your heavy eyes open, scared of what you’ll see once you close them, faces of the dead petrified corpses that always reveal themselves against the darkness of your shut eyelids. You study the soft features of your partner instead, able to memorize the details of his face while you’re so close to him. You think of him until sleep takes over.

---

You groan in pain, not ready to open your eyes to the morning light. Your throat is sore and dry, and your entire body aches, especially a certain part of you, the realization snaps you awake. You realize you’re not alone in your bed, you open your blurry eyes to a head of jet black hair. A man sleeps on your naked chest, you can feel his lips against your breast as he quietly snores. You realize his messy locks, the slope of his nose and contours of his muscular arm are all familiar to you, because he’s not a stranger at all. Memories of last night come back to you slowly.

Images of your partner offering you his bourbon, and you gratefully accepting. The pleasant conversation you had together, no arguing or superfluous challenging, just meaningful stories and gentle banter. You remember your partner’s flushed face, the timid smile he tried to hide against his glass, his dark eyes pulling you in. The drunker you became the more you gravitated towards him, until you were pressed up against him, moaning against his lips as his tongue explored your mouth, and you begging him to fuck you. No no no no no.

A wave of mortification and humiliating arousal hits you. You shove your partner off you.

“What the fuck!” Yoongi’s head is pounding, and your punches are not weak. It’s too damn early to be fighting with you already, Yoongi thinks. He pins you down, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He yells, not understanding why you’re here or why you suddenly decided to attack him.

The way his hands pin your wrists brings on another wave of memories that invade your mind and makes your face burn hot with embarrassment. He looks down at you and notices the purple bruises littering your neck and chest, your chest that is absent of a shirt, and your very naked body, against his very naked body. He let’s go of you in his shock. You scoot away from him, pulling the bed sheets up to cover yourself. He stares at you, mouth wide open, trying to place the pieces of last night together. “Oh fuck.”

“This will never happen again.”

His eyes scan your body as his hazy mind replays the events of last night, his face goes red at thoughts of you writhing under him. Yoongi was so desperate to explore your body, make you moan his name. He prays you were too drunk to notice how badly he wanted you. “Never.”

---

You spot three guards in front of the door, ‘a little excessive,’ you think. You grin to yourself as you run through every possible take down you can use against them. They’re big men, and big men always underestimate women.

Yoongi sits patiently, the blindfold doesn’t permit him to see, but he smirks to himself as he hears the sounds of struggle outside.

He hears the door open and close, feet circling him. He struggles against his restraints. Suddenly he feels a weight in his lap. The blindfold is pulled off and he meets your self satisfied face smiling at him.

“Took you long enough.”

You pout. “I should leave you here.”

You press your lips against his. Pulling him close by the hair. He grunts into your mouth. You press yourself down on him, grinding into his hardening length.

Yoongi struggles against his restraints, wanting to pull you closer to him. “Untie me.”

There’s a glint in your eye as you pull away from him. You kiss his neck instead, sucking hard on the sensitive skin behind his ear.

“You’re going to regret not listening to me, kitty.” Yoongi growls.

You laugh against his skin, working to undo his belt. Yoongi groans as you grip his length.

“I thought you were supposed to be rescuing me.”

“I am,” you lick your lips, “but then you had to go and let yourself get tied up.” You hop off his lap and kneel between his legs, Yoongi flexes his arms against the ropes, watching you intently. You bring the head of his shaft to your lips and kiss. The chair shakes as he pulls against his restraints groaning, you give him mercy as you suck him into your mouth, enjoying the way he struggles to keep his composure.

“You’ve had your fun,” he tries to hold in his moans, “you’re going to get yourself captured too because you're such a needy slut for my cock.” He thrusts his hips up, making you choke. It doesn’t deter you, as you press yourself deeper, your nose against his stomach, he shudders and the ropes dig into his wrists as he pulls harder against his restraints.

You pull off of him and look at him with a smirk. “I took care of the guards.” As if you already know Yoongi's next words you say, “I took care of all the guards.” Bringing your mouth around his length again, you suck him hard. You suck him down until you gag, over and over again until you can feel him swell, close to release, and you pull away. If looks could kill, you would have been added to Yoongi’s headcount. You jump to your feet and start cutting away the ropes that bind him.

“I’m untying you only because we are running out of time, not because you asked me to.”

He grunts, thinking of all the ways he’s going to use your body. “Noted.”

When free, Yoongi brings you into a crushing kiss, wrapping his hand around your neck. “Dangerous girl, you deserve to be punished.”

---

You allow yourself to rest against the cold concrete floor, making yourself comfortable in the dirt and grime. Your muscles are sore, and you’re tired. You’re tiredness doesn’t just come from surviving the mission, you’re sick and tired of it all. You were the first to make it to the scheduled rendezvous point, maybe the only one left. You hear footsteps and turn to see your partner jogging towards you, his equipment bag slung over his shoulder, he’s winded, skin covered in dirt from his hasty escape. When he sees you, he runs over to you, his eyes scan over your body but he doesn’t touch you. Your clothes are drenched in blood, but it’s not your own. You look like the walking dead, and you think you deserve to die, you’re a monster.

Yoongi sprawls out next to you, massaging his sore muscles. “If you had let them live your identity would have been compromised.” He knows you had no choice but to kill them. “You did what you had to do to complete the mission.”

“Stop talking, please.” You stare at his dirt covered face, you’re glad he made it out alive, and you wished you hadn’t. Your target had brought his wife and daughter, the agency didn’t warn you, or maybe they knew and didn’t care. You think about the love they must have had, so great he couldn’t be apart from them, and you not only took their lives, but took that love and destroyed it. You knew you were a killer, but you never thought you’d be a villain. You reach for your partner’s hand. He grips you tightly, his fingers are black with dirt, yours are stained with blood. You feel the weight on your chest become even heavier. You wonder if he could ever love you like that, you wonder if you’d just end up destroying that as well.

You lay asleep in Yoongi’s bed. His fingers run along your arm that rests on his chest. During the twilight hours, while you drift off to another world in your slumber, Yoongi allows himself to fully love you. He intertwines his fingers with yours and kisses the soft skin of your wrist, wrapping his arms around your sleeping frame. He let’s himself pretend you’re not in each other's company only for convenience, but because you love him as much as he loves you. He shouldn’t love you, love is too dangerous for people like him, love is a risk too big to take. But until the sun comes up again he gives in to his weaknesses. When you wake, he’ll be strong for you again, he’ll be your shield and protect you from everyone including himself.

---

“So you don’t want to work with me anymore?” You barge into Yoongi’s workspace. He keeps his face emotionless, choosing to ignore you.

So you press on, “I’m with Petrov now, I didn’t request a new partner, so it had to have been you. Why? Answer me!”

Yoongi leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, “You’re overreacting, he’s new, they probably want you to show him how it’s done-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!”

“There’s a good reason-”

“You’re lying, you’re doing that thing with your hands when you lie!” You yell.

Yoongi shoves his hands in his pockets, his anger getting the better of him, “Fine, maybe I don’t want to be your partner anymore!” You stay silent. “You’re reckless, you never listen to me, you almost died on our last mission. I’m...I’m tired of worrying about you.”

Your chest tightens in pain, his words sting more than any blade or bullet you’ve ever taken. You try to meet his eyes, but he refuses to look at you. ‘Coward,’ you think. You scoff, “Fine...Good...I don’t want to work with you either.” You turn on your heels to leave.

“Wait!” Yoongi stands from his desk and rushes after you. When you refuse to listen, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you against him. “Please, stop,” he whispers in your ear.

You place your arms over his, let his warmth envelope you. You don’t understand him, he’s holding you like you’re about to break in his arms, but he’d let you go off into a mission without him? How could he do this to you? You thought you were a team, you thought you were...friends. You used to feel safe in his arms, now you just feel betrayal. You bite your lip, your sadness turns into bitterness, your bitterness into anger.

You dig your nails in his arms until he hisses and lets you go. You give your partner one last look before exiting his office, you give him one more chance. If he takes it, you’ll find a way to forgive him, to fix whatever it is that made him angry enough to break the bonds between you. But he stays silent, his silence speaks volumes, “Like you said, you don’t have to worry about me any longer. I'm not your problem anymore.” You slam his door shut.

Yoongi’s body is shaking. He slams his fist against the door. He rests his forehead against the wooden surface and swallows down the growing pressure in his throat, processing everything that just occurred. He made the right choice, this was for your own protection, he wouldn’t allow you to care more about his life than your own, he knows he’s right, so why does he feel so sick?

Your reputation precedes you, the tigresse, a top agent. You pull off impossible missions. Maybe it’s because you just don’t care if you can finish the job or not, you’ll choose the riskiest plays, find yourself in the most dangerous scenarios; you’ll choose the more daring escape route, and because of that people are afraid of you, even in your own agency. No one wants to work with you for too long, and you don’t want them to either, so you finally get what you wanted, to work alone. You’re at the top, all alone, there’s no congratulations in your line of work, no happiness.

Yoongi doesn’t have to worry about anyone anymore, even himself. On missions he used to view his sniper rifle as an extension of himself, now he feels just as cold and hollow as the barrel of his rifle, he’s become an empty killing machine. He can’t sleep at night, he wakes up to nightmares of you dying over and over again. Eventually, when he can’t take it anymore, he convinces his superiors to let him act as your backup without your knowledge, they only allow it because you’ve become too valuable to lose. He still can’t sleep at night, slowly losing his mind in solitude, trapped in a cage of loneliness by his own doing. He becomes a shadow, a ghost, making sure the legacy of their best agent survives.

You search for cover, the bullet holes in your body make every movement slow and painful. The holes in your leg keeps you on the ground. You pull yourself through the sea of dead bodies as bullets fly through the air.

You feel a hand on your shoulder, you start to aim your pistol.

“What are you doing here?” The gunman ignores you as he pulls your bloody body into his arms and runs.

Yoongi watched you from his post get shot, one, two, three times until he couldn’t take it anymore. When he couldn’t protect you from a distance anymore, he left his post, his decision as instantaneous as a traveling bullet.

He hides you and him, holding you close, looking over your wounds. He tries to put pressure on the bullet holes, but there are just so many. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, “I was supposed to protect you.”

You touch his face, you can feel the warmth of his skin against your cold fingers, he’s real. “You’re here.”

Yoongi’s trained ears listen to the gunfire as it becomes louder, a sign he needs to move again. He reloads his assault rifle, heaving you up to your feet. You groan as more blood gushes from your wounds. Yoongi uses his assault rifle to make another path for you and him. Your ex partner drags your body along, hiding again to reload.

“You need to save yourself. I’m not going to make it.” You say as you cough up blood. Yoongi pulls you up again, ignoring your words, refusing to accept he can’t save you. As he runs a stray bullet hits his shoulder and you both go down. Yoongi shoots to where he thinks the bullets came from, but his shoulder makes it difficult for him to aim.

“Stop! You can’t die too!” You aim your pistol at the two men advancing upon you from Yoongi’s blind spot. You manage to shoot one, but your blood loss makes your vision hazy and your aim too wide. The second man’s bullets hit Yoongi’s side. Yoongi adjusts his rifle and takes quick revenge. He doubles over in pain.

You grab his hand, your breathing is too shallow to tell him all the things you want to say. “Save yourself...”

“And leave you again? Never.”

Yoongi holds you until you take your last labored breath, and holds you still, until his own blood loss becomes too much.

---

Yoongi doubles over, crashing into you. You try to hold the rapper up, but you are faring no better, your body shakes in phantom pain. His entire weight is on you, you move against the wall for support as both of you try to catch your breath, his head leans on your shoulder, and he groans in agony. You grip his arms. Should you push him away? But you don’t want to. You want to pull him closer. You grip his arms harder, frozen, your mind and body remembering, remembering everything, and it takes every last bit of your willpower not to react.

Finally, after your breaths have settled, he steadies himself on his feet, still pressed against your frame. He lifts his head, you can feel his breath on the side of your face. He laughs weakly against you, “I don’t regret it.”

“What-“ his eyes pierce through you. You realize he hasn’t moved away from you still, you stare back into the idol’s eyes, it all feels so familiar, too familiar...

His nose brushes against your cheek, you hold your breath at the sensation, it’s so familiar. His lips ghost over yours and when you don’t pull away Yoongi presses his lips firmer onto yours.

You feel electricity in every vein, to the tips of your fingers, to the ends of the hair. Emotions that felt like distant memories scorch through you. Your legs buckle.

Yoongi had only meant to give you a quick kiss, just to see how it would compare to his wild memories, but the feelings that came over him overtook every sense of reason left in him. He deepened the kiss. You pulled him closer to you, it was automatic.

He felt his sanity slipping away with every inhale of your scent, a sprouting desire burst through him, a need everlasting lifetimes, it made him desperate to devour you. He pushes his leg in between yours to hold you steady when he feels you falling against him. You yell against his lips, his touch is too overwhelming and you feel yourself slipping away, you try desperately to stay in the moment, remember who you are to him actually. You push him away to catch your breath. “I shouldn’t have done that. I-“

You both jump at the pounding from the door. “Both of you need to come out now.” His voice is muffled, but you’d recognize the distinctive cadence of the BTS leader anywhere. Yoongi mutters words you don’t understand. You yelp as he grabs your hand, leading you to the door.

Namjoon is greeted by the sight of his bandmate and you looking particularly guilty as you leave the bathroom. The way Yoongi holds your hand does not go unnoticed by the leader.

You walk in between the rappers, security following behind you. You can tell Namjoon is annoyed, the way he glances at the nonexistent space between you and Yoongi and clenches his jaw. What are you supposed to do, not hold Min Yoongi’s hand? The firm hold he has on you is the only thing that’s keeping you from falling apart into an anxious puddle on the floor. So instead you spend the walk mentally screaming at yourself.

Namjoon opens an unmarked door and walks in, Yoongi follows directly behind him, pulling you along. You realize where you are as five more pairs of eyes meet yours.

They are all staring at you. You want to run and hide. You move behind Yoongi instead. He hasn’t let go of your hand, and every man in the room notices it.

Namjoon goes first, “We all need to talk.”

---

“So now do you admit it!” Jimin looks between Yoongi and you with a frown.

“He promised he wouldn’t touch her.” Jungkook whines to Namjoon.

“I didn’t promise. I said I wouldn’t...I changed my mind.”

You listen to the group argue glancing over Yoongi’s shoulder, you make eye contact with Jin. His eyes are still red, like he hasn’t stopped crying. For the first time since he grabbed you, you wanted to let go of Yoongi’s hand. Jin is the first to break away, he turns around, overwhelmed. Your face is still perfectly clear in his mind. Your words replay like whispers in his ear, ‘find me.’

You break away from Yoongi and address everyone.

“Uhh, I don’t know...” you start, “I don’t know how any of this works, or why it’s happening in the first place. But it is happening right? It happened to you too?” You look around at their faces, you look into Jimin’s eyes, “You saw me too, I was with you, you looked different, but deep down, it was you.” Jimin shifts uncomfortably under your eyes, he feels his chest tighten at your words, “and you saw me in her too.” You turn to J-Hope. “Right? Please tell me I’m-” you whisper the last part, “I’m not crazy.”

“You’re not crazy.” Hoseok answers you immediately, looking at you with a guilty expression.

Jungkook is nodding up and down at you rapidly.

“I was with you..” Jin walks over to you, but stops before he gets too close, “It felt so real...I was there with you on the cliff…” his eyes are so sad it makes tears well up in your eyes.

“How is this even possible…” Jimin speaks up, “I just don’t understand.” Jimin looks upset. He doesn’t want to believe any of this, none of it makes sense to him.

You can see the pain in their faces clearly. You feel like you’ve done something horrible. All you wanted to do was meet your idols and thank them for making your life better, but you ended up making their lives worse, and you don’t know how or why.

You rub your eyes before you start crying again, “I’m sorry. I should go home, it’s-" you check your phone screen. “One thirty in the morning?! I should leave!”

You jump as the room fills with protests from the men. They all quickly stop as soon as they start. You all stare at each other.

Namjoon takes charge. “How did you get here? We can have a driver take you home! We have to go to the hotel now, before you go home, we can finish talking there.” There is a finality to his words.

You stand there wide eyed, ‘hotel’?

---

So now you sit alone in the back of a large car with four managers. They have given you forms to fill out. A stack of papers full of NDAs. You felt like you were signing your life away. You wanted to tell them to take you home, but you stayed silent, you didn’t want to cause anymore trouble.

You follow the managers through the hotel into an elevator, to the top floor. They lead you into a massive penthouse and shut the door behind you. Jungkook is already inside waiting for you. He’s still in his fanmeet clothes, the other men were still showering and changing, he couldn’t wait any longer to see you again, for a chance to be with you alone.

You stand in the center of the room, unsure of what to do. Alone with the idol, your nerves skyrocket again.

Jungkook slowly makes his way closer to you. He stands in front of you, mirroring much like the way he stood in front of you at the fanmeet, his arms rock nervously by his sides. He bends down a little bit closer to you, and offers you a lopsided smile. “Hey beautiful.”

You shut your eyes, you can’t bear to look at him, you can’t accept that he just said that to you. His words make you ache inside.

The idol waits and gives you space, feeling shy. You can’t take it, his words throw your thoughts into a whirlwind, you want him back, you want what you had together again. You and the idol are worlds apart, but the Jungkook you had felt when your hands touched, he was your entire world.

“Please.” You beg him, offering your hand to him. You don’t know what you’re asking for, you don’t know what touching him will accomplish. You feel just so alone, exhausted from fighting against everything you’re feeling, Jungkook all but gave you permission to give in.

He smiles at you, places his palm against yours. It feels so good, so warm. He clasps his fingers around yours, reaches for your waist with his other hand and pulls you against him with one fell swoop. You already know why, you wrap your free arm around his neck and hold him to you. You can feel his heart beating wildly against you, you know he must feel yours as well. He rests his forehead on yours. It’s there again, that spark that explodes inside you, threatening to detonate all your sense of reason. Neither of you move, frozen in dance. He begins to hum a tune, a tune that pulls a smile from you-

The door opens and you jump to sit on the edge of the couch, much to Jungkook’s displeasure.

The rest of the group files into the large hotel room, they are all changed into more comfortable clothes. They look clean and refreshed, you realize just how tired and achy your body feels, you want to take a shower too.

Namjoon gives the youngest a hard look, “You didn’t change. You were in here the whole time? After we said we’d speak to her all together. How long were you alone with her? I told you-“

“I arrived only a couple minutes ago, nothing happened.” You interject, feeling the need to defend the youngest member.

Namjoon looks at you surprised. “Your Korean is good.”

You start to feel shy again, “Not really,” you speak in English instead.

“Okay, so let’s figure this out.” Namjoon starts, “Jungkook, do you want to go first?”

“Wait!” Taehyung interjects, “I thought-Joon don’t you want to hold her hand?”

You stiffen. Namjoon goes red, “I-first let’s gather information.”

Taehyung goes to stand. You recoil in your seat. You turn to Namjoon, pleading, “I can’t-I can’t do it again.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking for, Tae-”

“Says you, you already got to touch her-”

“And that’s why I’m telling you not to do it-”

“No one is touching her-”

“Joon, can you please talk some sense into them-”

“Can we please focus-”

“If you get anywhere near her I’m punching you in the face-”

“Can we all just calm down-”

“I’ll punch you in the face-”

“No one is punching anyone!”

“I thought we were supposed to be talking this out, not starting fights-“

“I knew this was a bad idea-”

“How am I supposed to talk it out when I don’t even know what it is-”

They all talk so fast and over each other you can barely understand anything they are saying, but you know it’s not anything good. This is getting nowhere. “I-I’m so tired, I should really go home. I need to shower. Today has been...a long day.”

“You can stay in one of the rooms! We have the whole floor-Ow!” Jimin hits Jungkook in the shoulder.

“I-I need to go to the bathroom.” You feel trapped again. You go to stand and you feel a hand tug on yours, it’s Yoongi. “Take a deep breath. Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You should at least rest before we take you home.”

You bite your lip, looking around at the men. Jungkook looks at you with hopeful eyes.

“....Okay.”

“I’ll take her!” Jin, Yoongi, and Jungkook speak in unison. They look between one another. Jin, stands up, “I’ll take her.”

You silently follow him out, hearing the boys start conversing again behind you. You stay behind him as he walks down the hall. Your face heats up again as you stare at the idol’s back. Is this really happening to you? You should leave.

Jin takes a keycard out of his pocket and opens the door, holding it open for you. You walk in, it’s smaller than the other room, still larger than any hotel room you’ve ever been in. Jin picks up the suitcase from the middle of the room.

“I’ll find another room to stay in.” You feel your chest tightening again at his words. “Rest now, y/n, and then we can get to the bottom of this in the morning,” he smiles down at you. His eyes linger on you, about to speak again but he decides it’s better to wait.

You tug at his hoodie as he goes to leave. “I…” you want to tell him not to leave you alone, “I don’t have any clothes to change into.”

“Oh, I can give you some of my clothes!” You bite your lip as you watch Jin set his suitcase on the bed and rummage through his clothes. He pulls out a collection of hoodies, shirts and pants, way too many clothes for one sleeping outfit.

“Thank you…” you walk with him to the door. He lingers there with you.

“This...this is a good thing.” You cock your head to the side, Jin pats your head, “I found you after all.” And with that he leaves you to your thoughts.

---

After showering you feel so much better. You stand in your towel, looking around at the room. 'This must be a dream,' you think. Your hands run over the stack of Jin’s clothes. This stack probably costs more than all the clothes you’ve ever bought in your entire life, you think. You sigh and pull on a shirt and sweatpants, and decide to throw on a hoodie too for good measure. You start to laugh as you look at yourself in the hotel room’s mirror. You’re sure you're going to wake up tomorrow and this will all be a wild dream. You’re about to settle into bed when you hear a knock.

Jungkook stands in the hallway. He stares at you with wide eyes before looking at his feet. “I brought you clothes to wear.”

“Oh,” you look at him shocked.

“I see someone already gave you theirs,” he looks crestfallen.

“Yeah, Jin took care of that.” You pull on the strings of the hoodie in embarrassment.

“Oh well for tomorrow morning, you can wear this.”

You don’t have the heart to tell him Jin gave you enough clothes to cover an entire week. “Thank you. I’ll wear it tomorrow.”

“Okay...good.”

You hold your breath. You want to keep talking to him. “Your English is good, you sound like an American now.”

Jungkook smiles, too shy to meet your eyes. “Thank you.”

“You can speak in Korean too, I understand. I am not that good at speaking it, but I guess now is the best time to practice.” You laugh. Jungkook nods at you, his smile growing wider.

“Goodnight, beautiful.” He winks at you. You feel your heart tighten at his words.

“Jungkook!” He turns back around. “Um, sweet dreams.”

Jungkook looks you over. “Can I?”

“Huh?” He steps closer to you, you stay still. He reaches his arms out and wraps them around you in a hug. His head rests on the top of your head as he holds you close to him. It feels like you remember, his embrace feels the same. You grip onto the material of his long sleeve shirt. He holds you closer. All you can smell and feel is Jungkook.

Jungkook holds you close to him. He doesn’t know how to feel. His heart aches in anguish over the thought of losing you again. He doesn’t want to let you go.

In his arms you feel so safe, you relax against him. A wave of sleepiness crashes over you. Jungkook helps you into bed.

“I’ll come get you in the morning.” He runs his hands over your forehead. The intimate gesture doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you're too tired to react. Your heart is full. Is this what true love feels like?

---

You stretch in your bed. Your muscles ache, you feel good after a night's rest. You snuggle into your pillow, it’s so fluffy and soft, softer than you’re used to, you pull your covers closer to you. You notice the large sleeves of your hoodie, and your sleepiness drains away. It’s not your bed, and that’s not your hoodie. You sit up, looking around the unfamiliar room, you feel like you’ve been doused with cold water. Everything from the night before comes back to you. You pull the covers over your head, so much for a good morning.

You grab your phone. You have a text message: ‘call me when you get home <3’ and two missed calls. You bury your head into the pillows. You're about to call back when there is a knock at the door.

“One minute!” You change into Jungkook’s clothes, a black long sleeve shirt and black sweatpants. Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you decide to change your pants for one of Jin’s joggers.

“Hey!” You expected Jungkook to greet you, this was not who you expected.

"Hello." The deep voiced singer stands in front of you. You stare back at him. He walks into your room and takes a seat on the bed. You close the door behind you and walk over to Taehyung.

“I’m so sorry about last night! I would have never touched you without your permission. I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, I’m so sorry. I just-I just needed to find out. I have to. I know you’re scared, I’m scared too...Jungkook and I talked last night and he told me what happened, he said it was more than just memories, it’s like...an awakening. I mean, that’s so cool. If we had another life together, wouldn’t you want to know? Please y/n, I feel like I’m going crazy not knowing-“

“Speak slower please, I’m still a beginner!” You laugh.

“Sorry! Please y/n, please. Before the others wake up.”

You sigh, sitting next to him. “I think Jungkook is leaving out very important information...”

You continue, “We not only lived, we died.” You shut your eyes and wrap your arms around you, “I’ve lived and I’ve died 5 times now. It’s horrible, it’s heartbreaking, it’s not something you can just forget.”

Taehyung sits quietly. “Do you regret it?”

You bite your lip. Do you regret it? You feel it still, the warmth of their love for you. The way they loved you, the way you loved them. Would you give that memory up? Even the lingering feelings in your body are stronger than anything you’ve ever felt in your lifetime. Could you let it go now that you know what you’re missing?

Taehyung presses, “Jungkook says he's happy it happened.”

You inhale sharply. You have to make him see. “Jungkook died in my arms. He died after we tried so hard to run away together.” Taehyung eyes widen. “He was murdered...” You shudder, Taehyung stays silent. “Is that the kind of ‘awakening’ you want?”

He raises a hand to his mouth, stroking his chin. “He didn’t tell me about that...” And then he says something that makes your heart stop. “And he still said he's happy it happened, that he doesn't want to forget about you y/n.”

“Please, I want to try, I think it would be worth it, you’ll be worth it.”

‘Why did he have to say that,’ you wince, looking over at the idol. He is beautiful, way out of your league, above you in every way, and he’s looking back at you like his whole world hangs in the balance. How could you reject him now. You groan.

You stand up. You place your palm in front of his face, your fingers splayed out, you can see his wide excited eyes in the gaps between them. You look at him expectantly. Taehyung nods, places his palm to yours, interlocking your fingers together.

---

Uh-oh the boys don’t want to let you go now! I hope you liked this chapter as much as I liked writing it! It’s kind of cool, all the different worlds. I neverrrr thought I’d write an actiony spy enemies to lovers AU ever, trust. I had to get a lot of help with all the specific terminology, like me - guns - what - totally clueless, I just hope I did the story justice.

Hopefully this tides you over for awhile because we have a problem...I don’t remember anything about Tae’s handshake! Cries. I know what’s supposed to happen, but I also have no idea what happens lol. I know movie, but not movie name, if you get what I’m saying. Please bestow some patience on me for the next chapter. Asks are always open, maybe you can give me some inspiration! <3